#but now there's been 2 days where she refused to eat for my grandma and then i went and pushed the bowl slightly towards her

[korattata]

.....i may have accidentally trained Stella to not eat her food unless i say its okay

Even if i'm not home

Oops.

[libraford]

I'm legit worried about my brother.

So mom has a history of disordered eating- was anorexic in high school and college, growing up she was orthorexic (when.youre allowed to eat, but theres strict rules to what you can eat, usually cutting out entire food groups. Fad diets.) There's been some improvement in that she does let herself eat more than she used to, but it's still there.

My brother is a gym rat. And for awhile he was on paleo, then he was on keto and I disagree with the lifestyle but he seemed to be doing okay.

So then he cut out alcohol, which I think was a good move. He didnt drink copious amounts, but a few beers a week and overall alcohol isnt great for you so I think this was smart.

He showed up to Thanksgiving today like...super thin and tired looking and he was shaky.

So now he's cutting out animal products. He like... just drinks a smoothie with chia seeds and some tofu and vitamin supplements. Hes on some like superfood that has like 1000x daily dosage of vitamin c.

He says that his inflammation has gone down and he feels great, but he looks a lot like my grandpa did when he was going through chemo.

All he could talk about was his diet and all the things hes omitting from his food and crossfit or whatever the more intense form of crossfit is.

His wife was super irritated with him because he refuses to see a doctor about a possible misaligned disc because 'the doctor's just gonna tell me to put ice on it's which he does but then he just goes back to the gym where he irritates it more. And I think hes refusing to see a doctor because a doc is gonna tell him that he needs a more varied diet.

He goes on and on about his quality of life and how he doesnt want to decline slowly, but hes only 41. And I think like yeah staying active is good but theres a difference between doing a yoga class once a week and doing an intense workout twice a day- the more you exercise, the more prone to injury you become.

And I think like... psychologically its fear driven. Because we lost our aunt (76), both grandmas (96), great uncle (92), and an aunt by marriage (79) all in the past 2 years, all of the men of the older generation died in their 70s, and his wife's mom is starting to have health problems. So I think hes getting scared of getting old, I think this is the midlife crisis everyone talks about.

But like...

When my hands are shaking it's because I'm either anemic or because I'm short on protein. If you feel great why are your hands shaking?

[it-was-funeral-grey]

Over your head (Al Haitham x F!Reader)

Prequel Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: knock knock! who's there? matra. matra who? you're under arrest, anything you say will be held against you. what.

Warnings: Vulgarities, getting arrested, doctors, boat travel

Word count:<2.6k words

Inspired by:-

Author's note: i hope this is ok! i was also able to visit my grandma the day after i posted the last part :)

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

If you had a Mora for every time a random dude cried himself to sleep on your couch, you'd have one Mora. Which isn't a lot, but it's strange that it happened once.

Oh, but if you had a Mora for every time the Matra arrested you for kidnapping, you'd have another Mora. Two Mora isn't a lot, but it could help you get a new bottle of Harra spice. Archon knows that prices have gone up recently.

"Secure the house," a man wearing the Matra's iconic teal and bronze uniform barks as three of his colleagues surround you. "And call a doctor!"

It happens so fast. Chains are fastened around your hands, and you feel a hand push against your back, forcing you forward.

All around, your neighbours peek out of their houses, watching as the three Matras lead you out of the village. You can hear them gossiping amongst themselves, casting curious glances as you pass them.

"Kidnapping? Her? Who would have thought…"

"She has always been so kind…I can't believe it."

Where to? You don't know. If you were courageous enough, you would've protested- ask what is happening. But words fail you. Your tongue feels like a brick, refusing to let you plead your case.

You've been told stories about the Matra. Village elders would spook kids with tales of the 'all-knowing, scary, and will eat you if you misbehave!' Matra. You've never thought of them as scary before, though. But now, you're beginning to think that the village elders weren't exaggerating.

Their presence alone was enough to render the bustling village silent on this beautiful, sunny afternoon. You've never heard the village go this quiet, not even during the dead of night. The only sound you hear now is the pounding of your heart, together with the remaining Matra stomping into your home, throwing things around in their search for evidence.

But evidence for what? Kidnapping? Who did you even kidnap?! The Green dude? You were only helping him, for archon's sake!

"The nerve! Kidnapping the Acting Grand Sage!" a neighbour rages to another. "Sumeru is relying on him to lead us out of this mess, and she dares to harm him! Oh, may Lesser Lord Kusanali punish her!"

Wait. Hold on.

Acting. Grand. Sage?

Mr Green man is the Acting Grand Sage?!

Kaveh is going to kill Al Haitham.

It's one thing to take his keys and only let him in after 5.05 pm.

It's a whole other thing to take his keys and not come home. Leaving him outside. In the rain. For the entire night. And it's the peak monsoon season in Sumeru, so he can't even dry his drawings that had been drenched the night before.

"Seriously! He's gone from bad to worse," Kaveh laments to the shorter man. "He didn't even tell me he wasn't coming home!"

"Well, have you seen him since yesterday?" the shorter man asks, taking a seat in his office and letting out a tired sigh as he sinks into his chair. He had just come back from tracking a scholar in the desert. He really doesn't want to listen to his friend's rant right now, but he doesn't have the heart to drive him away.

"No! He left that morning at 8:55, as usual. I tried to get him to drink a cup of coffee, but he ignored me! That arrogant fungus! I swear, I'm going to-"

There's a hasty pound on the door, interrupting Kaveh's rant. But before Cyno could invite them in, the door burst open, revealing a frantic Panah.

"General Mahamatra, Mr Kaveh," he greets, panting as he leans over, hands on his knees. He must have run from the Grand Sage's office. "Have you seen Acting Grand Sage Al Haitham?"

Well, that makes two people who have asked about his whereabouts today. Usually, this wouldn't be strange. As the scribe, Al Haitham had the habit of never being where you expected him to be. Even Cyno wouldn't be able to locate him if he seriously didn't want to be found.

But he's the Acting Grand Sage now. And for the last couple of months, he has always been findable- in his office or somewhere speaking to personnel. Cyno stiffens in his seat. Something doesn't feel right.

"No, we haven't seen him," Kaveh answers. But then he frowns. "Wait- what do you mean, 'Have you seen Al Haitham'? Did he not report for work today?"

Now, that's a concerning thought.

"Yes," Panah takes another deep breath, composing himself. "He hasn't come into his office yet. I know it's only ten minutes past 9, but-"

"Al Haitham isn't one for tardiness," Cyno interrupts, standing up. "Kaveh, are you certain he isn't home?"

"Well, yes," Kaveh replies, furrowed brows giving away his concern about his roommate. "He has this annoying habit of using the shower at full blast in the morning. It's unbelievably loud. I would have heard that if he were home since the front door is close to the bathroom."

"Panah, would you happen to know Al Haitham's last know location?"

"He was heading to Port Osmos. He was going to speak with someone in the Wikala Funduq."

Damn, Cyno curses. Port Osmos is at least a good three hours away by boat. Grabbing a loose sheet of paper from his desk, Cyno scribbles a note before sealing it and passing it to Panah.

"Pass this along to the dusk bird handlers. Tell them to send it to the Matra stationed in Port Osmos as soon as possible."

"On it!" Panah grabs the note, dashing out of the office.

"As for me, I'll be heading to Port Ormos now," Cyno states, grabbing his polearm. "Don't worry. I'll bring him back."

"Who says I'm worried? I just want to get into the house- hold on, I'm coming with you!"

Al Haitham is going to kill Kaveh.

It's one thing to wake up to the sound of him hammering away on another one of his projects.

It's a whole other thing to wake up to him screeching about- "Oh archons, if he dies, what am I going to do?"

First off, he's not going to die. He's not ill. Just tired, you fickle fungus.

Second of all, where in Teyvat is he?

There's a faint rocking sensation, and he can hear the faint sound of water sloshing nearby.

A boat, Al Haitham figures. Why is he on a boat?

Opening his eyes, he is immediately greeted by the sight (and sound) of Kaveh panicking at a lady in a white gown. A doctor, Al Haitham realises.

"Sir, the Acting Grand Sage isn't going to pass on," the doctor sighs. "He's just exhausted. He must have fainted from exhaustion- please tell him that he must get sufficient rest to recover!"

Before Kaveh can respond, Al Haitham sits up, fighting the dizziness that came with it. Nope. He doesn't want to hear Kaveh's annoying, panicky voice. Not now, when he can feel a headache coming.

"Al Haitham!"

"Keep your voice down, you-"

"Are you alright?" Kaveh interrupts, concern lacing his tone. But he doesn't give him time to answer before he continues. "Honestly. To think that you'd be kidnapped! You, of all people! Who could even stand having you as a prisoner?"

Huh?

But before he could ask Kaveh what he meant by 'kidnapped', the door to the room opens. Through the door, Al Haitham can see the deck of a ship. So he was right. He is on a boat.

"You're awake," Cyno says. "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," Al Haitham groans, massaging his temple. "What's going on?"

So Cyno is here as well. Something big must have occurred.

Still a little groggy, Al Haitham rubs his eyes as he tries to recall what happened.

Ok, Al Haitham takes a breath. Let's think this through.

He was at Port Ormos around one in the afternoon to speak to the trade supervisors of Wikala Funduq. He wanted to talk to them about restoring the port for business- but the letters he sent there from the Akademiya were never answered. So, he had to make a trip down there himself, much to his annoyance.

That sounds about right. What happened next?

When he reached the port, he was greeted with silence. There was not a soul on the streets. The same could be said for the Wikala Funduq building, the place deserted and collecting dust, save for a lone cleaner working in a corner.

"Oh, you're looking for Mr Dilawar and Mrs Gauhar? They're not here. No one has been here for a while. There's no work here! Nothing to do!"

"Where can I find them?"

"Well...Mr Dilawar lives in Vimara village. I'm not too sure about Mrs Gauhar."

So that's how he ended up travelling to Vimara Village. He had to walk four hours to get to the village entrance since there weren't any boats that could take him there- the captain of the one that brought him to the port from Sumeru city had declined, saying that he had a personal vendetta against the village or something. Al Haitham didn't bother listening.

Yeah, he remembers that part. What happened then?

A soothing voice. A homemade meal. A gentle hand on his back. A comforting presence that made him feel so safe- something he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Wait.

Oh, no.

Before Cyno could answer his question, Al Haitham had already figured out the answer.

"You didn't happen to arrest a villager for kidnapping me, did you?"

"Oh, so you do know what happened," Kaveh answers on Cyno's behalf. "Yeah-"

"That wasn't what happened," Al Haitham interrupts, stumbling off the uncomfortable bed. "Where is she?"

"Hold on, what do you mean-"

"I mean what I said," Al Haitham snaps back, heading towards the door. The headache is now hitting with full force, and he hides a wince. "Cyno. Where is she?"

If you weren't in your current predicament, you'd probably be running around the deck, admiring the way the water below reflected the stars above. You've never been on a boat this big before- it wasn't as large as cargo vessels or cruise boats that carried rich Snezhnayans, but it's larger than anything you've ever boarded.

You also would have been really excited about going to Sumeru city- home of the rich, the smart and the accomplished. You've never travelled beyond Vimara village, apart from heading to Port Ormos every once in a while.

It's a quiet night. Apart from the occasional jingling of your chains secured to the railings on the deck, the two Matra who watch over you don't make a sound apart from occasional sighs. Curling yourself into a tiny ball, you hug your legs, burying your head on your knees. It's getting cold. Goosebumps have risen all over your limbs, and you try to rub your arms to get rid of them but to no avail.

Slam!

The loud sound shocks you back into reality. Lifting your head, you see that the door to the boat's accommodation has been flung open, the light in the room spilling out onto the dark deck.

A tall figure exits the room- although your eyes have already adjusted to the dark, you can't really tell who it is, but the two Matra seem to know. They immediately stiffen in place, standing at attention as the silhouette approaches the group.

As the figure comes closer, you see a faint green glow on its shoulder.

It's him. The Acting Grand Sage. The green man- ok, you gotta stop calling him that.

The Acting Grand Sage stops just a step away from you. You raise your head to glance at him, and he meets your gaze with an emotion you can't quite name.

"Ok, hold on!" there's the sound of hasty footsteps. A man with a feather in his hair runs up to the Acting Grand Sage. "What do you mean, 'that wasn't what happened'?"

"I'll have to ask you the same," there's calmer voice, this one belonging to a shorter man. "We can't release her if you don't tell us what happened."

The Acting Grand Sage sighs, facing the two that have just joined him. There's a tension in the air.

"I wasn't kidnapped," he starts. "I spent the night at her house. That is all."

Woah, that sounds suspicious.

The man with the feather looks like he's about to have a stroke. His jaw has dropped. Meanwhile, the shorter man looks like he has been frozen in place, eyes nearly budging out of their sockets.

"You- huh?!" exclaimed the feathered man, head whipping in your direction, intense eyes burning into yours. "You, let HIM spend the night? HIM?"

You jolt back in surprise, not quite expecting to be talked to, hitting your head on the railing with a loud 'ping'. You grimace in pain, bound hands raising to massage the area, chains jingling as you moved.

"Get your head out of the gutter," The Acting Grand Sage snarls, standing between you and the feather man. "She cared for me when I passed out. I slept on the couch."

"Passed…out?" the feathered man frowned, voice now soft.

"Well, the doctor did say he was exhausted." the shorter man added.

"That's not the time for this," the Acting Grand Sage changes the topic. He faces the shorter man. "Will you release her?"

The shorter man ponders for a moment.

"I can remove her chains," he answers. "But she'll still have to come to the Akademiya to give a statement. A report still has to be submitted, so I'll need your statement as well, Al Haitham. I'll go to get the keys."

With that, the shorter man leaves. The feathered man looks shaken up but quickly follows after the other.

"Are…you alright?" the Acting Grand Sage asks once the two are out of earshot.

"I…I'm fine," your voice wobbles. You haven't spoken since the Matra arrested you because you were afraid that your words would have been used against you later on. Well, that and the fact that you were scared shitless. You feel pressure build behind your nose. "I'm just-"

Your sniffle cuts your sentence short. Your eyes begin to water.

Behind, you hear the two Matra shift uncomfortably. Gosh, are you really gonna cry in front of everyone? How embarrassing. You're even making the Matra feel awkward. You avoid his gaze, trying to blink away tears.

The Acting Grand Sage seems to have picked up on your discomfort as he waves the Matra away. He tried to be subtle about it, but you don't miss the considerate gesture, even with your tear-filled vision.

"There's goosebumps all over your arms," there's a faint rustling of fabric. "It's not surprising. The wind is picking up. It'll probably start raining soon."

He walks behind you, and you feel something drape over your head, blocking your sight.

It must be his cape. It's warm.

You hear him lean onto the railings, letting out a sigh. A silence fills the air between you two.

It's nice. Relaxing. Comforting.

No one will see if I cry now, right?

So, you do.

But you weren't crying out of fear. No, these are tears of relief.

And through it all- the sniffling, the sobbing, the snivelling, the man behind you never said a word. But he didn't need to.

His presence was enough. Enough for what? You don't know.

All you know is that everything is going to be alright.

You're safe here. With him.

Join the Taglist!

[lucystark12]

i very very rarely listen to running up that hill but i am right now and it's just like holy shit YOU HAD TO BE THERE (weird reflection post that i just randomly started writing and couldn't stop for some reason about my depression lol that was supposed to be cute and lovey about my love for stranger things but ended up being really somber)

i didn't immediately watch season 4 when it came out on may 27th, because friday may 27th was the day that i came back from a week long class trip to the deep depths of northern washington (hell on earth, no mans land, if you will) and since my parents were out of town for my mom's 50th birthday, i was going straight to my best friend's house to stay over for the weekend. that i did. my best friend everly, whom i was staying with, always falls asleep really early, so at some point in the early hours of may 28th, probably around 1 am, i pulled out my phone and starting watching stranger things. i had spent the entire spring rewatching after all.

i got to where chrissy got possessed and immediately had to turn it off because i was in seventh grade and the bone cracking thing scared me to death (this was before i watched GOT for the first time, my tolerance for gore was not as high as it is now)

such began the first of many times where i'd neglect watching my favorite show for no reason. i did it with house of the dragon season 2 as well. so, a few days later i left everly's house and my grandma came to stay at my house with me while my parents were finishing out the rest of their trip.

at this point, the whole internet was already talking about running up that hill. it was that sunday when i decided i had to watch the show. who the fuck was i kidding? i loved stranger things. problem was, my grandma is and will always be the worst tv hog in the history of the world, so with a shitty disaster movie playing in the background, i put in one airpod and finally started watching stranger things season four.

this was a particularly rainy spring for portland, something that literally scarred me at the time because i was nearing the end of the worst depressive episode of my entire life, and the sun not being able to peek out of the trees like it had in late may last summer and every summer before that was something so insignificant yet something that really was sending me off the edge. i didn't realize how far off the edge i already was at the time. my other best friend had just started taking medication for her depression, which manifested very differently in ways that mine didn't. she was mad. she was resentful. between the few moments that she was the same laughing, loving girl i'd always known, she hated me and our other friends and hated herself more. my cousin likewise had depression so bad he couldn't get out of bed. he hadn't been to school in three months. i wasn't like that. i thought i was happy comparatively. i was diagnosed with OCD the year before and thought that was an explanation. it took getting a new therapist and unpacking my behavior back then to understand what was really happening. i never cried. when i did, it was violent. it came in bursts that lasted all afternoon. i started and i didn't stop until i fell asleep. i threw things, i refused to talk to anybody. i was failing math, which i've never done before. i couldn't understand a thing. i didn't even care to try. i hated myself. the only thing i ate was a bowl of craisins at school every day because i couldn't physically force myself to eat. i thought i was just tired even though i got ten hours of sleep every day. i was always exhausted. my therapist couldn't diagnose me because after years of being taught i had to be perfect, i refused to tell even her that there was something wrong. i thought i was stupid, i thought i was ugly, i thought i was worthless. i thought i was just experiencing what it's like to be twelve years old.

so, another rainy and overly misty sunday afternoon passed me by as i reached the ending of the fourth episode, and finally, the fated song that i'd been hearing all over tiktok and didn't quite understand yet started playing out of max's walkman. i watched the entire scene with my grandma barking questions at me about why i was tearing up.

running up that hill was my most played song of 2022, just ahead of africa by toto.

now i'm not going to say that stranger things brought me out of said depressive episode, because it didn't. the four months ahead of me were four of the hardest of my life still to this day, just as the six before them had already been. but i've grown a lot since then, and two years later when i was in spain alone, sick and crying, experiencing a little week long bout of similar feelings to the ones i felt when i first watched season four, the show weirdly managed to find me again.

the week before i had left to study abroad in spain i had learned that i got a B+ in math instead of an A- in math because my teacher wouldn't round up my 89.9%. it might seem trivial especially because a B+ is incredible process from the algebra i had nearly failed for the second time in the row the year before, but sometimes things like that can be enough to cause somebody to fall back into old habits and feelings. estranged from everybody and everything i'd turned into coping mechanisms for hard times like these when i was literally half the world away, i didn't know what to do. so, when i was in my dorm with food poisoning from a salad i'd eaten the night before, i decided to press on the byler analysis video that had popped up in my youtube feed. such began what i've been calling my "stranger things renaissance"- a second stranger things phase that's been going on since late june.

not to sound overly bylerish, but i've been seeing a lot of parallels between this summer and the summer season four came out. for reasons out of my control, i've been forced to spend a lot of time alone. this summer when i've started feeling lonely, i've taught myself that rather than overthink, to channel it into something else like writing, or doing something that will calm me down. now when i'm home alone and haven't seen a friend in a few days, i'm not sad anymore. i think "well damn" and then i move on with my night. i'm no longer depressed. with the help of my new therapist, i've gotten really close to growing out of my OCD. i no longer have to pray every night. i don't wake up in a cold sweat if i go to bed at 10:31 instead of a "perfect number" like 10:30 or 10:35. i rarely lock my bedroom door anymore. and no, it's not perfect yet. i'm not "cured"- i still have my crying episodes. i still have moments, even though they're few and far between now, where i feel the same way i did back when i was twelve.

but i'm moving on. things have shifted in my life. i've grown up and this show has with me. i started watching it on halloween of 2019 when i was in fifth grade and my friends and i did the "goodbye mike" trend in my basement. i watched the first three episodes that night and finished it for the first time during covid. it was with me through that hard time back in the day, and for some strange (haha) reason, it's with me now, and will probably continue to be with me until the show ends, because like as typically happens when i fall back into obsession with something i liked when i was a little younger, (the mcu, harry potter which remanifested in the marauders) it becomes more than a phase, but a part of me in some weird way.

stranger things may have its flaws and it might not end the way i wanted it to, but for the rest of my life it will be special to me regardless. i'm finally for the first time in my life older than the characters. i was seven when season one came out, eight when season two, ten during season three, 12-13 and season four, and will be 16 in season five.

so thanks, stranger things, for helping me, and thanks even more for showing her that there's nothing wrong with the many different aspects of her that she'd been led to believe were wrong. as corny as it sounds, she couldn't have done it without you 🫶

(say hi to baby lucy, because it's always more fun with pictures, and because depression can happen to anybody no matter what they might look or act like on the surface)

rip 2022 lucy, you would have loved the byler sunset pictures that you somehow would have found a way to relate to reddie and your best friend that you were highkey in love with. you also would have loved mike wheeler if i could explain who he really is to you because said in an EARLY analytical essay that "All I really gained from season four though was that I absolutely hate older Mike and that I wish he would’ve died instead of Max." in the same essay you say you wish you could throw mike of a cliff. oh the irony. (please laugh)

ps: if you ever find yourself feeling anything like what i described in this post, know that it gets better even if it seems like that's what everybody says and it seems like it never will. there were times back then when i didn't even know if i'd make it to the age i am right now, and now i'm at one of the happiest points ive ever been in my life. know that even if we've never talked before, i love you and i believe in you. my blog is always a safe place if anybody out there ever needs anybody to talk to.

[arttheclown]

paragraphs of bad mental health stuff under the cut don’t mind me 💀

i love finishing school and realizing i truly need to begin adulthood and focusing on things like building a writing CV and getting my driver’s license and most importantly breaking away from my severely controlling & emotionally abusive mother and then just. every bad fucking thing from the last 10 years hitting me in the face lol. my father’s deterioration and death and a really violent incident with him i don’t like to talk about. a lifetime of my mother micromanaging nearly everything i do, abusing me, gaslighting me, and refusing to let me grow up to this day. a string of abusive and manipulative codependent friendships that ended in ugly and sometimes public falling-outs. my grandpa dying in march and my grandma having to live on her own now. having to see my sister go through a lot of the same shit that i have and desperately hoping she can be helped in time so she’s not 2 years away from being 30 and just falling the fuck apart lol

i’ve spent so many years saying i’m fine and i’ll get over it and move through it but everything has gone still right now. i can’t run anymore. i physically cannot lie and downplay things and say i’m fine anymore. i am unable. i have become a people-pleaser to the point where doing things purely for myself — sometimes knowing i’m the one who gets more out of it than anyone else — is a foreign concept to me. i cannot do things anymore if i feel i’m mostly doing them to just please someone else because then i start panicking & i know that’s progress but god!!! it feels like shit!!! these growing pains hurt so bad!!! and then i start agonizing over potentially disappointing people and uugghuhh i don’t like it. i don’t like it at all.

i want to do things but everything feels so fucking terrifying right now. realizing the extent that i’ve been traumatized is miserable and i don’t even like admitting it because then i feel like i’m lying or trying to get attention. i don’t know if i have fucking ptsd because that’s such a severe disorder but at the very least i’m going through a period where even little things petrify me & sometimes just getting through a day feels like an accomplishment. i love food and i’ve been agonizing over making sure i’m nourished properly on top of dealing with selective eating that i’m almost positive is because of my autism. i am a small person — if i lose any more weight i will get sick and that frightens me. and i’m painfully aware that the reason this is probably happening in the first place is because i am so used to worrying about SOMETHING that my mind can’t accept peace and is now inventing issues and it sucks. this isn’t a new issue for me but it sucks. it feels like hypervigilance or something. idk.

i kept hoping that maybe i would bounce back on my own like i’ve done in the past and maybe i can but i don’t know if i’m able to waiting and how many pep talks i can keep giving myself, nor do i want to constantly rely on others for comfort. i’m fortunate enough that i live in a part of the world where i don’t have to pay for doctor’s appointments so i might just go and see if mine can get me some help because 🥴 i don’t know how many bad weeks i am capable of having right now! i’m gonna be honest!

it’s going to suck likely paying for therapy. it’s going to suck potentially finding a new therapist if it turns out i’m uncomfortable with the one i’ve had since childhood because don’t get me wrong he’s a nice man but i don’t know if he even recognizes i’m autistic on top of other things lol. i really do not want to end up on anxiety medication or antidepressants and want to believe self-medicating with weed is enough but i don’t know anymore.

i just needed to write these feelings out somewhere. i can’t silently carry them with me anymore. they��re too heavy. i hope things get even a little easier soon.

[catspinach]

sobriety reflection:

ive been completely sober for 4 months (make it 5 months if u dont count my brief christmas meltdown) though its been over a full year now since i realized that i needed to make a real change in my life. i stopped drinking for about a month before finally getting a job. at first I was able to go 2 or so months sober at a time before caving in, but there were scary periods where id be unable to stop for a month or so. sometimes id take shots before my shift, and a few times I've drank a full-size 700mL bottle of vodka in a span of 24hrs.

After binge drinking until i reached my absolute limit, I'd eventually get so hungover that i couldn't keep anything down and i wasn't able to slowly wean myself off of the alcohol. I'd suddenly stop drinking, eating, and sleeping, and to pass the time all i could do was pace around my little bedroom or throw up. nobody in my family knew how much i drank so i couldn't risk going downstairs, the tv was way too loud and bright, and i guess I'm simply unable to sit still when I'm not feeling well so I couldnt even sleep it off. when it got unbearable id attempt to meditate. that was probably the only thing that brought me any sort of peace.

My time drinking was spent bumming around alone, feeling depressed and extremely horny. when i was hungover I'd voice chat my (long distance) gf on fb messenger about how miserable i was, and how much i just wanted to die. then when i was feeling better id be unable to even look at our previous convo bc of the extreme guilt i felt. i cant imagine seeing someone i love going through such hell. having only me to bring them solace, yet not being able to help at all. It made me hate myself, which made me drink.

I went through another withdrawal phase and became aware that it was getting harder every time i tried sobering up. It really felt like I was on my deathbed, and I called everyone I could to try to get some sort of outpatient help, but they refused unless i did a month inpatient, and again my family didn't know. I was alone in this, very adamant about not going to AA. I was scared I'd run into someone I know and I heard it's not very effective for young alcoholics anyway. I drank on Christmas Eve a month later and threw up at grandma's on Christmas day. That was when I realized I had a choice to tell someone. That I had no excuse not to tell someone. So I called my sister in and I sat naked on the floor crying as i explained to her what was happening. We all left and she brought me to walgreens to get some Tums, promising not to tell anyone and offering me to stay at her place. which I declined lol fuck that

4 months later and i still get cravings often. i can stop myself from drinking now by reminding myself that tomorrow is a busy day at work, and by imagining it going down my throat. Now when so much as think about drinking I taste vomit.

The other day I almost snuck into my moms room for a shot before work, but stopped myself. I make $19/hr plus overtime, and I know that if i lose this job I won't be able to score one with matching pay. ive been practicing being kind to myself.

Lately I've been bumming again. sometimes life doesn't feel much different from how it did at my lowest– aside from feeling less nauseous now. i guess that's a start to bettering myself though.

[orphancookie69]

07/2024-Loss of a Loved One...

Growing up, I have been extremely lucky to have a bounty of family around me. While it is something that is very important to me, and one of the more complicated aspects about me, family has defined who I am in more ways than 1. This is post is about the loss of a family member.

I have actually lost 2 family members so far this year. This is the natural progression of things as a family can only be large and together for so long before life finds a way to send them away from home. In every sense of that phrase. I will start with my first family member I lost.

Great Grandma (Paternal-Biological)

On my biological father side, we lost my great grandmother. She died at the age of 98. Just last Christmas she was eating dinner with us and rolling with all of life's punches well. She was doing really good there for a while, but if you ask me-she did not like the life she was living anymore and nature took it from there. She went from living on her own to being in a nursing home. She did so much in her lifetime, sadly I was adopted out of the family so for the first two decades of my life I did not get to know her. I always personally struggled to "play catch up". But the moments where I saw her for who she was, and her I-are small but pivotal moments for me. I recently celebrated her celebration of life at Buca Di Beppo, and it was perfect. It was the kind of meal she would of loved to have been a body in the room for.

Grandpa (Paternal-Adopted)

While I am dealing with that going on in the first half of the year, I have my adopted side having issues with my grandpa. I get alerted to them after they have progressed quite a bit. But once I am alerted to them, I take my sister (I grew up with and share the adopted side of the family with) and assist her in visiting my grandpa at the hospital. It is funny how things work out, grandparents on my maternal side had just been there so I was a Kaiser genius at this point.

It starts to get around father's day, and my birthday, and I know by now that he is in and out of the hospital. He was diagnosed with Cancer about a year or so ago, but he was in the hospital for just not eating and shutting down. I refused to hand deliver a father's day card, feeling foolish at the time, that he would have to be home to get his card. In my heart and head, all I wanted for my birthday was for him to be home. Well, be careful what you wish for-I got my wish, they eventually released him on Hospice.

We had a family meeting, it really is a beautiful thing how parts of the family have a very easy time coming together when needed. Once he was home, we discussed the short term future. We were told that he had 3-6 months and decided to have all hands on deck until we could figure out more and needed help. We ended up getting help from the nuns for free, the only fee they charge is the uber to get there. And we were doing alright for a while-a while here is like 2 weeks. My dad was on vacation and in my head, I was going to do what I could on any other front then take his place at the family house when he was off of vacation.

One day, I get a text from my Grandma saying that particular day was going to be Grandpa's last. I called my dad freaking out, and he confirmed it. The day before he had his last rites read. They are both non practicing Catholics. So I headed over. A nun was there, we essentially had a mass at home, brought to you by YouTube. Interesting experience for someone who hasn't gone to a Christian church in a while. We all said our goodbyes, called in our cousin living in Wisconsin. And at 3 PM, after seeing the light, he went home.

He was cremated and the church offered to host us a private mass. Which is truly an incredible honor. My dad drives his truck, isn't that right out of a damn country song, and my uncle wants to have some pizza in his honor. We all have our own relationships with people and grieve them in different ways. I miss him still. I checked in with him spiritually, and he's got a lot to come to terms within Life Review right now.

I am tearing up a bit as I write this. I know looking at it, you can tell one was closer than the other-but damn if they don't both hurt. My mother lost her "mother in law" and my partner had his grandmother come home from the hospital so hopefully all will be good for the rest of the year. Enjoy time with your loved ones and live a life that when you have to review it from a 3rd person point of view-you can have as much pride in it as you did when you lived it.

[timeoverload]

Today has been very emotional for me. I haven't been able to relax at all. I have spent too much time on the phone. I just got off the phone with my grandma a little bit ago and we talked almost 2 hours. I am finally done making phone calls for the day.

I called the hospital before I called my grandma to get an update on my mom. They moved her to the PCU and she is stable right now. The nurse told me that they had to do a cardioversion and TEE on her when she was admitted. They had to do the cardioversion because her heart was beating irregularly. Her heart seems to be working properly now but her blood pressure is slightly elevated. She has a subdural hematoma but they aren't planning on doing brain surgery at this time. She is refusing to take the medication that will help prevent it from getting worse. She won't deny the pain medications though. I can't believe she doesn't have any broken bones.

I told the nurse she had schizophrenia and apparently they had no idea so I'm glad I said something. I told her that she has a long history of mental illness but I didn't give a lot of details.

I'm hoping that she didn't intentionally jump in front of the car because she has a history of being self-destructive. She did tell me that she was depressed earlier this week which is why I had that thought. I wonder if this accident is a result of another one of her delusions/hallucinations. I'll never forget what she did about 10 years ago. I was living in Florida at the time and I got a call from my aunt that I rarely talk to. She told me that my mom went to the store and bought a chainsaw and then tried to cut off her hand. She did this when she was living with my grandpa when he was still alive. She thought there was a microchip implanted in her hand so she thought cutting it off would solve the problem. She only cut through part of her wrist and must have realized what she was doing because she stopped and drove herself to the hospital even though she was bleeding out. She had to have a long surgery to fix her wrist and hand but she still has problems with it and a bad scar. I couldn't be there for her back then either because I was too far away. She can be reckless so I worry.

They are going to be monitoring her for a while and I'm not sure how long she will be there. She is very tired. The nurse tried to ask her if she wanted to order food and she just closed her eyes. I hope she is able to rest and get something to eat.

They are going to call me if anything changes because I am her emergency contact. I wish I was able to make decisions about her medical care for her but I don't have the legal rights to do that unfortunately. I am going to do what I can to help her from here.

I'm not planning on traveling to see her by myself right now. I don't feel good enough to do anything like that alone. I'm only going to do that if her condition worsens or if she needs to have surgery.

I am planning on taking Monday off so that I will have time to contact the case worker and try to find her a safer place to go when she gets out of the hospital. I am responsible for her now because my grandma can't handle it anymore. I hope that she will stay put if I find her a place to live. She needs to stop wandering around the country. She is not well enough to continue doing what she's doing. I don't expect her to come back here but I want her to be safe where she's at.

I am very worried about her but I need to focus on myself for a while I think. I was able to make myself something for dinner so that made me happy. I feel better now that I ate something but I'm tired. I am going to lay down soon. I might watch tv later or something. Hopefully I will get some better news tomorrow and I'm not so stressed out.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow. Thank you for listening to me vent. 💖💖💖

[ivehadthatdream]

Since October 21st I've been having weird GI problems (that really most likely started like a year ago), and it's made me have nausea, bloating, general stomach upset, sharp pains in different areas of my abdomen, acid reflux and heartburn, weird bowel movements. It's been difficult :/ some days are better than others and my symptoms aren't as bad. I worked black friday and felt like I was floating and like I needed to sit down. My appetite had decreased too, but my B.E.D brain obviously still gets fixated on food for the dopamine hit, so there has been times where I continued to eat even though I could tell it was hurting my stomach. All of this is probably caused by the horrible binging I had been doing, and yet I still cant fully shake it :/ . It's triggering myself to want to start purging again, because for 1. I feel like if I never stopped purging to begin with then I could've avoided this year long binging battle. I wouldve been restricting much more too. And 2, there's times where I feel so sick and discomfort after eating too much, that I've had to basically "help" myself get it out. It takes me back to those feelings.

I feel like this could be from gallbladder issues, because I eat a lot of greasy foods :/ and my grandma had issues with hers when she was young. Maybe If I hadn't been binging on fatty foods then this couldve been avoided. Or maybe its pancreatitis and its from eating too many carbs since diabetes runs in my family.

My virgo rising ass is over analyzing all the reasons and stressing about it. I know its not helpful!

Of course I've been my doctor, well technically she's only a nurse practitioner, and she thought maybe h pylori or possibly gallbladder but she wasn't sure. She gave me some pills for it, I didn't notice much difference. A few weeks later I had an energy drink and it bloated me so badly that I could barely move, and I ended up going to the ER. And that doctor said they didnt see anything blockages, just stool and to have my doctor refer me to a specialist ...lmao. I wish they would've referred someone for me cus then maybe it would be going faster 🙄 I've been waiting on an update for my referral for 2 weeks now?? I wanna say?? The ER doc didn't seem worried about what was happening, and he said something like " i mean if you're still concerned we can get you an ultrasound for the gallbladder but you're looking at being here about 6-7 more hours" and we had already been there for 6 hours already. And there were other things that happened while I was at that hospital that rubbed me the wrong way, and I was just exhuasted and annoyed and wanted to leave. The doctor wrote on my papers that I refused an ultrasound!! Of course so they don't get sued in case something serious is wrong with me.

Idk if it's H. Pylori because no one has tested me for it. I've been looking into SIBO which is apparently common in people who have had restrictive EDs but I'm not sure, or maybe thyroid issues since that can cause stomach problems?. And as mentioned already, maybe it's gallbladder or a pancreas problem? Idk!! I just wanna know what it is so I can get better

At least my bloating has went down the past few days so I'm happy about that

[heyitsyn]

MANAGER!SEIJOH AU

a/n: this is kind of an au like what if you were

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i would like to request a seijoh!manager reader who’s a first year and is siblings with ushi and the team’s reaction to finding out that she was supposed to go to shiratorizawa with ushi and their reaction with her getting along with the shiratorizawa volleyball team and maybe the manager is a small cute soft little energetic ball of sunshine 🥺🥺 also hewwo, hope youre doing well! ☺️ -🎷🐛

- Ir seijoh manager series is so gooood. Can we get something where by some weird reason yn-chan is close to ushijima and tendou and the seijoh boys dont know about it and how they'd react to her being so affectionate w them ahahwindkdn

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HOW FREAKING PRETTY TENDOU IS LIKE AKLFDJLASKFJDLSKFJDSFLKD

okayokayokay

so this is a what if thing

like what if ushijima was your older brother

SLKFDJADFLIJSDKLDF I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE OIKAWA SCREAMING

you didnt exactly have the best relationship with your mom

you remember when you were younger that she used to yell at your brother for using his left hand and you got angry a lot because you were fiercely protective of your brother

this caused her to yell at you too for being nosy and being involved in something you shouldnt be in

duh we know that ushi’s dad takashi actually supported him for this and protected him too and you were also a papa’s girl so you always ran to him

he understood you both better and while your mother worked, he was at home taking care of you two

then when they mentioned wanting to separate, you were very sad but somewhat relieved

mostly because you hated hearing your parents arguing and you felt bad for your brother as he constantly did whatever to get you out of the house

thats what brought on your love for volleyball

you werent exactly the best player but you were interested in it and often watched matches with him

but you also liked volleyball because your brother liked it

you liked whatever your brother liked

he adored you too and he was a boy who didnt talk much due to your mother but he was always a talker with you

especially when you couldnt sleep, he would sneak you out of your room and you both would run to the kitchen and eat ice cream

even with just a 2 year age difference, he looked as if he was older than you due to his massive height

‘just wait nii-chan! i will drink enough milk to reach your height!’

*insert lenny face*

AKLDJFSLDKFJDF I HATE MYSELF

CAN I PLEASE DIE

however

when they divorced, you thought your father would take both you and ushi

like the lady at the court even asked you where you wanted to go and not a breath of hesitation you chose your father

you weren’t very concerned because you knew your brother was going to choose your dad as you both were closer to him

so imagine your surprise when he said he didnt care and naturally, the mother would get the child

lowkey you felt hella betrayed and when your dad whisked you away overseas, there was this grudge you held against toshi

yall youre like 5

i would be hella mad too if my brother chose the person who yells at him all the time

in california, your father made sure you still remembered your brother and you tried to detach from the japanese lifestyle to your new one but you just couldnt

maybe around 6 years you were already fed up with the hot california heat and you wanted to go back to japan to see toshi again

you got over that grudge years ago but your mother refused to have any contact or anything to do with your father and so that included you too

she refused to let you both video chat and any type of connection

your dad obviously noticed your sad expressions and your obvious longing to go back to your brother again and so he arranged something

you shut the door gently before taking off your shoes by the doorway

the large house was often quiet except for the constant typing of a keyboard in your father’s study

‘tadaima’

you meekly mumbled but his sense of hearing never wavered so he heard your voice

‘oh? y/n?’

his voice echoed through the hallways and you heard his chair squeak as it was moved back so he could stand

your sock-cladded feet padded against the hard wood floor and you walked towards his study where indeed he was standing there

your father has definitely aged yet his job as a coach made him as fit as he was decades ago

as much as it disgusted you, you could tell what your friends meant when they said your dad was good-looking

they actually said your dad was hot but you refuse to acknowledge that

you and your friends are like 12 tf

you closed the door and sat down on the loveseat at the corner of the room as it was your designated spot

‘hey, papa’

you greeted with a smile and he gave you the same grin

‘i ordered f/f (favorite food) for dinner tonight so try and listen for the bell to ring, okay?’

you nodded

there was bit of small talk and you asked about his team while he asked about school and you both arranged to hang out over the weekend at some ice cream shop

the conversation dragged on until you heard the doorbell and you ran to the door to answer the delivery man

your dad put out the plates on the table and you excitedly dug in

‘also, you remember your grandmother? and her terrible back?’

oh god of course you did

they lived about 30 minutes away from your house in japan and she constantly worried your father bc the woman was approaching 90 and was still picking peppers!

with old coach ukai

‘what did she do now?’

your father chuckled at the exasperation in your voice

‘she misses you. says something about the family’s princess needing to go back to her country or something’

there was a smile in your face

your grandmother was your favorite and she always said you were the princess

she hated your mother because of how insensitive she was so she only acknowledged you as the only other female in the family

obviously your brother was also liked but there was just a special bond between you and your grandmother

‘so when are we going back?’

you asked and it was clear that you were excited at the thought of going back to japan as you havent been back since you moved due to your father’s busy job and your school

takashi swallowed his food before revealing the news

‘actually, if you want, you could finish your schooling there. but only until college first though because your old man needs you over here too’

nah bro you didnt even care about the last part

literally your fork fell to the table and you shrieked 

‘WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!’

and thus brought you back to japan

you stayed with your grandmother on your dad’s side and you quickly got accustomed back to japan life

OH

your BROTHER!

okay

so waka-chan def heard you coming back

your mother was grumbling about it the other day and he was sure he heard your name in there

‘sdkfjkdslfjdkslfj y/n dkfjlsdkfjldkf’

LMAO THATS ME TRYING TO SAY THAT WAKA COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAID SINCE SHE WAS MUMBLING SHE WASNT KEYBOARD SMASHING LMAO

there was a mutual giddiness in there too and he was excited to see you again after many years without contact

however

there was a bit of fear in there that thought back to when you were younger and his choice of not really having a specific parent despite your pleads to stay together with him

but he was going to make sure your bond was still intact!

he would do anything in his power to do so!

when you arrived

your dad accompanied you back to japan and you both were walking out to the exit of the airport when you saw your grandmother excitedly waving a sign around

in bold sparkly letters, it said ‘USHIJIMA’

okay wait i love grandma usui 

you quickly ran over to her and she grasped you into her arms

‘nana’

you sobbed and she hugged you tightly

‘im so happy youre back home’

your father shook hands with the friend she brought to help drive you guys back home

old man ukai was basically the chauffeur but hes really good friends with your nana so it was okay

the entire ride you guys basically caught up with each other and you couldnt help but laugh whenever your dad would go on a rant about your grandma being too reckless and your nana defending herself

‘oh stop it, takashi. i was only given one life and if it’s over, it’s over. for now, ill live it how i see fit!’

your old family home was exactly as you remember it but you didnt expect the 6′2 boy in the living room

‘nii-chan’

you meekly whispered and he let out a soft smile before opening his big arms

you ran into them and he held you tightly

‘i missed you. so much’

he whispered and you nodded 

it was def such a nice thing to have your brother again

oooo your dad been knew that you would be sticking to waka like you did when you were itty bitty young

so when you practically begged waka to stay at your nana’s house the entire summer, he couldnt refuse you

duh your mom went to see you but you just quietly sat there and smiled at her

polite but distant

due to being around waka so much, you naturally went to his volleyball practices and their training camp

there

you met his friends and you guys quickly got acquainted especially with tendo bc he was just so fun

and he was your brother’s boyfriend best friend

the others were still kinda distant with you ahem ahem im looking at you shirabu

but they were mostly amazed at how powerful the genetics played in your appearances because wowza you were beautiful

lmao dont let waka hear them say that bc they would be benched all season in a single snap

during training camp, you usually sat at the sides or you would be their stand-in manager

goshiki absolutely LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSHIKI MY SON MY BABY

him and you were the same age so there was an easier way of being friends and your energies just matched so well

he would run up to you whenever he got a play right and you would ruffle his hair affectionately

LADKSJFLDSKFS FLASHBACK TO TENDO!SISTER X GOSHIKI

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

‘y/n-chan!’

hell even ushi was getting annoyed at goshiki’s constant need for you

tendo would steal you away and he would be giggling to you about how adorable you were and you just giggled along bc wow this beautiful man is really talking to me right now

ALKSDJFLKSF CAN YOU TELL IM ALSO A TENDOODOO SIMP?

‘cmere, y/n-chan. i taught toshi this the other day and he was very impressed and wanted me to do it again. okay so it goes in a rhyme, ya ready?’

you nodded along and he shot you a close-eyed smile before starting to draw on the dirt with a stick

‘there once was a man with-’

lets just say

you were definitely your brother’s sister

sometimes though

you would try and go towards the calmer players to get away from the rowdiness from baby daddy tendo and baby goshiki

you would find them at the gym just doing drills and at the sight of you, they would turn red but continue playing

they didnt really mind seeing you there bc youve always been such a positive energy and cheered them on which gave them strength

‘NICE ONE OHIRA-SAN!’

‘WAHHH SO COOL YAMAYAMA-SAN!’

you were like a cute ball of serotonin >o<

‘wah, of course its expected for you guys to be the top in the prefecture. youre like,,,,, silent but deadly~!’

duh a compliment from a girl?

dead

shirabu’s bangs would get in the way of his vision sometimes yall i will never stop making fun of that ridiculously adorable haircut so you would use a clip and tuck it away for him

this big babie is so awkward that he turns red when you whisper in his ear that you were done

semisemi baby and you got along bc you guys had a similar taste in music and because you lived in california, he was fascinated that you were in the music capital of america

‘did you see celebrities down the street?’

he asked you excitedly one day during lunch

you stopped then smiled softly

‘semisemi-kun, i didnt live at that part of california’

nah to him, america is just filled with celebrities

OH DEAR BABY BOY KAWANISHI

taichi is a generally quiet guy

like you thought he was actually selectively mute when you first met him

but you gradually got him to talk and you would help him whenever he would want to practice

usually it was during the ungodly hours of the morning

you woke up and went to grab a drink from the common room but you noticed his large build exiting the door so you followed him into the gym

‘kawanishi-san?’

you called out and felt guilty when he jumped 

‘oh, hey’

he aknowledged

‘wha-’

you stopped to yawn causing your eyes to close making you miss the brief second of softness that flashed in his eyes

‘what are you doing?’

you tiredly asked

taichi dusted off his trackpants after kneeling down to rummage through his bag and you couldnt help but gawk at his height

‘im training early’

he answered

‘why? is it because you want to keep up with the others?’

you mumbled and he was surprised for a second but reverted back to his stoic expression

‘i have to make sure i am able to reach my seniors level for next year’

taichi turned away to grab a stray ball and you moved to go to the storage room for the ball cart

‘oi, what are you doing? go back to bed’

he said from the other side of the gym but you just looked back at him with a tired grin

‘meh, i want to spend time with you, senpai’

you reasoned

he shook his head before walking over to you then ruffled your hair

‘no wonder youre so tiny. you dont sleep enough and let your body grow’

yep that was the closest youve gotten to taichi joking with you

usually, hes training and when hes in the zone, nothing else has his attention but the ball

maybe thats why the others ahem goshiki has said that he was very scary

his game face was practically a mean face

basically you spent the entire training camp with them and then soon, you were going back to school

duh everyone hmm maybe not shirabu bc he most definitely read the school book of rules thought you would be going to shiratorizawa with them 

but you broke the news to them one afternoon and imagine the tears from both tendo and goshiki

‘WHHYYYY!!!!’

‘NOOO!!!!!’

‘why can’t you?’

semi asked and you were about to answer when shirabu beat you to it

‘the school doesnt allow late transfers’

oh right

the american school system was set in a different schedule than a japanese school system

it was considered the summer for them yet school already started a few months ago

since shiratorizawa was a very academically and physically prestigious school, they refused anyone who would potentially be late or behind their curriculum

‘so where ya headed to then, chibi?’

tendou pouted and you leaned against his arm

‘hmm some school named aoba johsai? i dont know its near my grannie’s so that’s all that mattered’

oh dear

USHIJIMA NO Y/N WILL NOT ASK TOORU TO GO TO SHIRATORIZAWA

they consider seijoh a rival bc theyve played against them practically in every prefecture tournament and they were worried for that infamous setter

‘ne, y/n-chan, promise us that you won’t be swept away by them! especially a guy named oikawa tooru!’

uhhh

well

tendou’s warning was kinda ignored bc you ended up being seijoh’s manager

hehe

surprise?

but they weren’t really really shocked tho bc they knew you liked volleyball so you would naturally be in the volleyball team

even as a manager

meanwhile in seijohhh

OooOOOoOoOooooo sEiJOOhHHHH~~~~~~

okay so you were actually registered under your father’s last name usui rather than the ushijima last name

therefore you werent exactly immediately known as HEY! USHIJIMA’S SISTER!

you still became the manager the way you did as mentioned in part 1 

and you still are their adorable baby manager

you were aware of their oikawa’s hatred for wakawaka so you try not to talk about him even though youre literally the closest person to him

was it traitorous? 

maybe

but you actually even help them when they practice

duh the boys are like eyebrow raise emoji 

‘wow youre really into volleyball, huh, manager-chan?’

matsukawa commented and you just smiled

‘hmm, my family likes it so ive picked up a thing or two’

LMAO

little do they know your brother is literally the best volleyball player around and is a member of the under 19 team and your father is a volleyball coach in america and would someday be someone iwaizumi hajime (19) would apprentice under

there was a lot of times you thought you would slip up like your home screen was of you and waka but youve been careful to cover it up

BUT

you cant always be sneaky

it was during the first day of the tournament and you were filling up their water bottles I SWEAR WHY IS MANAGER-CHAN ALWAYS FILLING UP WATER BOTTLES when you found a familiar bunch of boys at the end of the hallway just chatting

you havent seen tendou and the boys in so long so you placed the bottles down and rushed over there so quickly

‘TOMUTOMU!’

you shouted and the oddly-haired boy turned and he gasped before grabbing you into a large hug

this grabbed tendou’s attention and he cheered then hugged you too

your giggles and happy cheers were so infectous and they just absolutely missed you so much 

these tall boys were at a advantage so someone scooped you up and you were just affectionately being talked to and hugged and LKDSJFSLDFJ SO LUCKY SO LOVED

meanwhile

the plant babies were wondering where the heck you went to 

‘y/n-chan?! where is she?!’

oikawa panicked quickly while iwaizumi hit him to shut up

‘be quiet! you won’t find her if you’re too busy freaking out!’

‘ill find her’

matsukawa volunteered and they nodded, feeling at ease of him being capable to find you if you were in trouble

but when he returned empty-handed and with large eyes, they knew something was up

they ran behind mattsun to stop and copy his shocked expression at the sight in front of them

is that

you?

with

shi

ra

to

ri

za

wa

oh my god

‘y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted, being the first to speak

you jumped and your own eyes widened

‘oh. oh no’

you mumbled

the others were so stunned and seijoh itself was so hard to make speechless but they were just shocked

period

‘what is happening’

iwaizumi mumbled

yea the others were just shocked period

‘hey guys’

you waved and you motioned them closer

‘uhh,,, well,,, um they are my friends’

you smiled uneasily and they could see that

‘aaand?’

oikawa signalled you to say everything bc he knew it wasnt the whole story

you sighed

‘ushi,,, jima is my brother’

you mumbled the last part

but they heard you

‘HAH?!’

you cringed and the shira boys were about to move to protect you but they saw you glare at them

‘what? what about it? hes my brother? and?’

you babbled

‘but,, why are you,, in seijoh? dont get me wrong! its just,, youd naturally go to shiratorizawa right?’

mattsun waved his hands around and asked the question thats bugging the team

‘i came to the country late’

‘THE COUNTRY?!’

well,,

turns out you havent exactly told them everything about you yet :/

even when youve cleared the air and introduced waka as your brother, seijoh still didnt say anything

they were stuck in this shocked and surprised moment even at the end of the day and when you went straight to the shiratorizawa team,

they watched with wide eyes as you laughed with goshiki and was jumping around with tendou

‘AH! TOMU! MY HAIR!’

‘TORI-SAN! SATORI-SAN! TAKE THAT!’

wow you were actually really beautiful when youre happy

‘i dont think ive seen her this happy with this much energy’

makki said and they nodded

it was true

you were usually calm and collected and was the perfect balance to this chaotic team

so seeing you so free and loose with them was so refreshing, even if it was with damn ushiwaka

you finally went back to the seijoh boys and they all sent glares to the violet team before sending you a smile

‘you ready to go, manager-chan?’

watari ruffled your hair before handing you your bag to start walking to the bus

‘yea. lets go home’

as you all walked, oikawa was already starting his tantrum

‘y/n-chan~! why aren’t you that happy around us? are we not enough for you?’

oikawa whined and pouted

but you just turned to smiled at him and stopped walking to pat his head

‘im not their manager, therefore im not pressured to act like anyone except as a friend and a spectator. but i try to be as professional as i can with you guys to make sure you dont appear bad to others. and you guys are perfectly chaotic enough, adding me into the mix will just about kill coach’

oikawa didnt seem satisfied though

‘but! thats not fair! they get to see you smile and i dont!’

iwaizumi growled at him to be quiet but you beat him to it

well

you smiled at tooru but your eyes shone maliciously

‘i knew you would act like this, oikawa-san. as punishment, i gave nii-chan your phone number. good luck avoiding him now’

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAWWWWW LETS NOT KILL COACH IRIHATA OKAY? HES LIKE OUR GRANPAPA AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE OIKAWA ALONE WAKAWAKA-KUN!

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Go Go Karasuno: An Old Rival (Pt 2 )

THIS FIC IS 18+

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 7,000+

A few days had passed since the practice match. You hated to admit it, but you thought about Keishin often. 

He looked good.

Really REALLY good.

Like better than high school good.  He always looked nice but it was overshadowed by his complete desire to be an utter ass.

You sighed as you finished up a few emails to send off before you took your grandma to the hospital to visit your grandfather.

He was set to be discharged in a few days and then you would start the process of moving them to the elderly community. You had taken your grandmother to visit him daily as she would often have make him meals. He hated the hospital food. He said the flavor was lacking.

You had to laugh. The man had only ever eaten your grandmother's cooking since they married at a young age. He often complained or refused to eat any other food because it was never was good as his wife’s cooking. 

You had to agree. Your grandma was an amazing cook.

You arrive at the hospital with your grandma in toe. She says her hellos to the staff as they all reciprocate the greetings. Your grandma was a complete sweetheart. She was loved and adored by everyone. She always helped when and where she could, volunteering wherever she was needed. You're actually surprised your grandfather managed to charm his way in to her life.

Your grandfather was a rowdy old man. Literally the opposite of your grandmother. He could be bitter and always liked a good argument. He was never outright mean to people, just very outspoken and upfront. He was a lot to handle.

You exit the elevator carrying the box of food your grandma had prepared. She told you she was preparing a meal for your grandfather's roommate as well. She said the man was just as insatiable as your grandfather. You imagined they were quite the duo.

As you round the corner you start the head arguing. You eyes widen as you realize it's coming from your grandfather's room. 

 Your grandma just smiles as she shakes her head knocking lightly at the door.

"Yeah yeah" a voice shouts. 

 You both enter as you begin to observe the sight before you eyes.

Your grandfather and his roommate are watching volleyball on the small TV in their hospital room. Shouting at the apparent bad plays.

"Anyone could have hit that set with their eyes closed" your grandfather shouted "what is that spiker doing?"

"He's just a weakling like all the others" the other man shouted "that wouldn't be happening under my coaching."

You roll your eyes and smile. Man these two were made for each other.

Your grandma slowly starts to unpack and plate the food she made for both the men. They continue to watch the game as your grandma hands them the food.

"Dont worry dear I packed enough for everyone" she smiled as you observed all the food. The box was heavy that you carried in but you didn't think there was an entire week's worth of food there.

"By everyone did you mean the entire hospital gran" you giggle as she laughs.

"Oh Y/N" your grandfather says as he looks up from his meal for a second "this is my roommate. You might know his grandson. I think he went to school with him."

The other man grumbled "I apologize if you do know him, the weakling."

You smile as you chuckle "Well sir its nice to meet you, I'm Y/N"

The older man turns to you smiling "oh I know who you are sweetheart, I'm Ikkei Ukai"

WHAT DID HE SAY?

You were about to speak when a knock sounded.

"Yeah yeah, what is this grand central in Tokyo?" your grandfather huffed as the door opened.

"Just came to check on my fav-" Keishin spoke as he entered, shutting the door and turning around.

His eyes were met with yours. He gulped as the two older men and older lady looked at you both.

"Y/N, I didn't know you would be here" Keishin says as he lifts his head to the back of his head.

"I told you last week my roommate had a granddaughter your age" Ikkei spoke sharped tongue.

"Well you didn't mention here name!" Keishin glared at his grandfather.

“You didn’t ask” Ikkei huffed as he turned his attention back to the game as Keishin placed his hand over his face.

You giggle at the circumstances. 

This all had to be a joke right? No way this was coincidence!

"Ah Keishin it's so good to see you again" your grandmother says breaking the awkward silence "here have a plate"

"Oh you as well ma'am" he said bowing "thank you ma'am but I'll have to pass I’m just stopping by quick"

"Sit down you idiot the women made great food" your grandfather shouts at Keishin as you chuckle.

Your grandmother makes him a plate as he settles in by you at the spare table in the corner. Your grandmother sits beside your grandfather as he kisses her forehead. You smile as you watch them, all while Keishin watches you.

"Your grandfather and mine are one in the same" he says trying to break the silence.

"Ha ha yeah you can say that again" you say smiling as you eat.

"I honestly didn't know your grandfather was his roommate" he says.

"Well you probably wouldn't. They are my mothers parents so we don't share the same last name" you say looking down at your plate.

"You know, it was really great to see you play again Y/N" Keishin smiles at you.

You look up smiling back "Thank you. It was a lot of fun. You really have some great kids."

"Kageyama and Hinata couldn't stop talking about your sets. Kageyama said they were almost perfect" he said taking another bite

"Well I wouldn't say perfect. They can always use improvement" you say pushing your food around the plate.

"Give yourself more credit Y/N. You really are a great setter. I always thought so" Keishin says as he stares at you.

You laugh ironically "is that why you were always such an ass to me then?"

Keishin sighs "yeah I was an ass but it wasn't because you weren't good. I was stupid high school kid"

You sighed as you look to his smiling "I guess we've both changed a lot"

Keishin smiled softly at you as you take both plates and disguarded them in the bin.

"I'm going to step outside for a minute" you speak, kissing your grandma on the forehead.

"I'll come with you" Kishin says as you begin to walk outside

The silence is awkward. Neither of you know what to say to each other. It's like your years of high school rivalry has been reduced to this weird state of unknown.

"Look Y/N" keishin starts.

"Keishin" you interject "we both changed. It's ok. I'm not mad at you anymore."

That wasn't completely factual nor completely a lie.

You didn't hate Keishin.  In fact, thinking about it, you never really did. You admired the man but he annoyed you to no end. He was always better than you and you were jealous.

Keishin threw his cigarette as he walked towards you "Y/N I want to apologize."

You look at him with narrowed eyes "for what?"

"Well one for being a complete jerk back in high school" he proceeds.

"Jerk is an understatement but continue" you say smiling.

He laughs awkwardly "Listen Y/N can I at least make it up to you?"

You fold your arms "ok and how Keishin? It's not like we can go back in time and you can not mess up my serves" you spit as he looks towards the ground.

"Y/N please" Keishin says "my grandfather was right, I was a weakling back then. I was jealous of you. You had such talent and well, I enjoyed getting a rile from you. I know it was immature but it was the only way you'd talk to me."

“Wait what” you think as you try to process what he was saying

"I always admired you Y/N. You were a great captain and a fantastic setter. You worked so well all the players on your team. I honestly was a bit jealous" he continues as you state at him confused.

Keishin was jealous? Of you?

You say the only thing you can properly formulate "Well Keishin you sure had a hell of a way of showing it! You pissed me off, annoyed me to no end and now you tell me you were jealous?"

Keishin stares at your outburst.

"Keishin I apologize for yelling but it just seems unreal to me. I spent all of high school trying be as good as you and now your telling me you looked up to me? It just seems unreal" you say as you sit on the bench.

"Y/N" Keishin sits down in the other side of the bench "I know I was a complete jerk. I honestly didn't know it bothered you so much. I was a punk ass kid who was just trying to be someone. But I now realize I hurt someone who really meant a lot of me."

You look up from your hands to see Keishin with a soft smile on his face.

"Well this is awkward" you say as you stand up. You were never great with upfront feelings and awkward silences.

"Y/N please" Keishin says as you start to walk back to the room "Please just let me make it up to you. Let's have dinner. I promise. Just hear me out"

You sigh knowing the conversation was unavoidable. It wasn't that you didn't want to have dinner with Keishin, it's just that you still reeled from your past.

Maybe you were being petty and it seemed like Keishin had changed but were you really ready to admit that? Were you really ready to move on from a grudge you held for almost 10 years?

"Where" you sigh in defeat.

"Huh?" Keishin looks to you with question.

"Where and when" you look back at him with a less than eager face.

"How about Friday night? My families store?" Keishin shouts a little too enthusiastic.

You chuckle at his response "ok but I swear of you start shit I'm going to pelt a volleyball right at your forehead"

He laughs "there's the Y/N I remember"

You push him playfully as you both walk back into the hospital heading to your grandfather's room.

You enter the floor as you both hear loud shouting. You look at each other and take off running towards your grandfather's room. You bust open the door with Keishin on your heals as you see your grandfather on the floor and your grandmother holding her mouth.

"I'm fine I'm fine just got a bit worked up" he says.

Keishin moves to help your grandfather as you console your grandmother.

"Grandpa really? Getting worked up over volleyball?" You spit at him.

He glares at you "you're one to talk Y/N!"

Keishin’s eyes widen as you glare holes on your grandfather's head. He chuckles at your response.

"Oh Y/N it's about time you forgive the boy, it's been almost 10 years" your grandfather says

"Dont forgive him so easily Y/N" Ikkei interjects "make him work for it"

Keishin glares at his grandfather as he chuckles with your grandfather and they continue watching the game.

You and Keishin both sigh as you smile softly towards one another. 

You're night out with Keishin approaches faster than you hoped. Honestly you were really indifferent about the whole situation. You had to admit, Keishin had probably changed since high school. I mean the Keishin you knew would never coach a high school volleyball team.

Right?

[comfortwriting]

A Summer Secret Final Part - F.W

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Masterlist, Writing Prompt Masterlist, Requesting Rules

A/N: First of all, I want to say THANK YOU  for the love and excitement you have shown this mini-series - I have LOVED every single moment writing it!

Secondly, I would like to apologise for my absence, my health has been a struggle and because the NHS is already stressed out here in the UK, I'm struggling to pay for the private health care I desperately need; but I am back!

Prompt 47: "I love you, why can’t you just accept it?” You cried.

Warnings: Swearing, 18+, mention of eating and food, mention of alcohol.

Swallowing down the Christmas turkey coated in gravy, you refused to look up from your plate, unless a member of the family - when anyone other than Fred - started to tell a story, express thanks, or comment on the Christmas dinner.

You weren't in the mood to eat, you felt sick, you didn't even want to be sat here knowing that Fred couldn't be with you; looking back, you wished you ripped up his letter and avoided the joke shop altogether.

"I've got to say, Y/N," Percy called out, catching your attention "your hard work at the ministry isn't going unnoticed!"

Looking up bravely from your plate, you smiled at Percy, quickly taking a sip from your cup of mulled wine - everyone's eyes - especially Fred's - glued on you.

"Thank you," you smiled, setting down your cup "I'm starting to get the hang of it, really."

Percy smiled, "I'm happy to hear that, it's a pleasure working with you."

Fred shot Percy a look, almost as if he was telling him to back off and Molly didn't let it go unnoticed, it added to her list of worries after seeing you and her son argue outside, your tears, him letting you storm off; what the hell is going on?

Sitting in the large front room, you, Gideon, and Fabian sat together, opening your presents with everyone else. Tearing the shiny red wrapping paper, your eyes widened at the burnt amber jumper with your large initial in the middle.

"It's about time you got one!" Gideon smiled.

Fabian nodded "Looks like Grandma Weasley approves of you!"

You searched the front room from Molly but you couldn't find her sitting next to her husband, laughing with her sons, or hugging her daughter inlaws.

"How could you be so bloody stupid!" Molly hissed under her breath.

Fred opened his mouth to speak, but Molly shut him down.

"She's eighteen! Same age as your nephews! What were you thinking?!"

Fred's guilt started to boil inside of him, his heart weeping - pleading for understanding and forgiveness - his head screaming at him and telling him off.

"I was thinking that I might be in love with her," Fred answered quietly, the memories you shared flooding back to him.

Molly swallowed hard "And are you in love with her?"

Fred took your hand in his, the other resting on your waist, your eyes swimming in each other’s, your steps slow and gentle mirroring his.

Climbing into bed with Fred, he pulled you into his warm, strong arms, making you feel safe and protected.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he said, falling asleep, pecking a small kiss on your head.

“Goodnight, Freddie,” you replied, closing your eyes, engulfing in his warmth.

"Yeah, I am." Fred answered, "But she isn't in love with me, and I ended it before it could get serious." He lied.

Fred walked out of the kitchen, his mother following behind, the two of them finally joining you all by the fire, wrapping paper covering the carpet.

Molly's eyes widened and sparkled at the sight of you in the jumper, she pulled you into a warm, motherly embrace.

"I'm so glad you like it, dear."

"I love it, Molly." You smiled, your eyes locking with Fred's.

Now boxing day, everyone was tired out and hungover, sleeping in until the leftovers from Christmas dinner brought them to the kitchen.

You woke up early, well, you had been awake all night, hurting, and you wanted some time alone to enjoy a cup of coffee to wake you up.

"Y/N!" Molly chirped, "you're up early!" she smiled.

Molly walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup, sitting down at the table.

"Yeah," you laughed lightly "I haven't really slept."

Molly stayed quiet for a moment, a concerned look splashed across her face, her eyes drowning in the coffee.

"What happened between you and Freddie?" she asked, finally looking at you "You've not been the same."

You sighed, brushing your hair from your face and started to explain.

Molly learnt that it was much more than a simple rejection, the forbidden romance had been going on for a long time, her son pulling you close and then pushing you away when you needed him most.

"I'm in love with him," you cried "and I want to be with him-"

Before you could continue, Molly's face dropped, her mouth opened and her eyes fixed upon someone standing behind you.

Turning around in your seat, Fred stood tall, staring at you, shaking his head before storming out of the house.

"I'm sorry-" you left the table and followed him.

Now was your chance.

"I can't believe you!" Fred shouted angrily, "Making me out to be the villain!

You scoffed, catching up to him, "I'm not! I told the truth, Freddie!"

"To my own mum!"

"She asked me what happened!"

"And you couldn't lie about it?!"

"I love you, why can’t you just accept it?” You cried, standing still, choking on your tears.

Fred stopped in his tracks, finally turning to face you, his face hard like stone.

"Because it's wrong!" He shouted again, "You know it is!"

"What makes it wrong?" you challenged him "I'm an adult now, it isn't against the law!"

Fred shook his head, looking frustrated and tired, he too had been up all night, hurting.

"But it's still wrong!" Fred shot you down "you are still too young!"

"Fred-"

"We can break up and it won't be too late for you to start over, I don't want you to waste the best years of your life with me!" His voice now cracking.

You shook your head "You're not even considering the flip side! We could be happy together, please Fred, take a chance on me!"

Fred didn't say anything, his eyes searching yours for a life where you would be happy without him - then remembering that in another life you would be married to Draco's son, against your will; unhappy and lost.

"And if these are the best years of my life, please let me waste them with you." You croaked.

Fred slowly inches closer towards you, his stone face crumbling away, his eyes glassy and his face pale.

"What if I don't want you to waste it on me?" Fred asks softly, his hand now resting against your tear-stained face.

"It doesn't matter," you replied, "if I can't love you from up close, I'll be loving you from afar, wasting these years on you anyway."

Fred shook his head, a smile creeping upon his face.

"Do you want to waste my time, Freddie?"

Fred nods his head, "I do, Y/N," and his soft lips slowly and gently brush upon yours.

Angelina freaked at the sight of you both kissing through the window.

"George, what the bloody hell-"

George shushed his wife, a huge smile forming on his face - Molly smiling too.

"That's why it never happened," George muttered "She was the one had been waiting for all along."

taglist: @alwaysnforeverfangirl @horrorxweasley @xmalfoyweasleyx@onlyfreds @lucymfer @holyheadharpies99 @uniquebelievercrown @becks7401 @opalsheart @amwitherspoon @whatsup-200@avatarkanemi @manuosorioh @lina1945 @freddiemylovelg@reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @pottahishotasf @themoonis-beautiful-tonight @enya-2004 

[tsarisfanfiction]

Libel (Part 2)

Fandom: Thunderbirds Rating: Teen Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family Characters: John, Scott, Grandma, Tracy Family

Day 6 “touch and go” for @whumptober-archive and for the prompt bruises my muses decided to add on to my day 3 chapter, so have a rather displeased John.  I’m not expecting this one to go any further, but then again I wasn’t expecting to add onto it at all, so who knows what’ll happen the rest of this month.

<<< Part 1

Grandma was waiting for them when they got home, the smell of something heavenly and clearly take-out wafting through the front door as it opened, and John felt a flash of guilt for forgetting to warn her about Scott’s physical condition when her mouth parted slightly in clear shock.

Scott’s weight had increased against him slowly but steadily as they’d finished the trek home, until his head was resting against John’s and his arm hung awkwardly around his shoulder. His eyes were rimmed with an angry red, and salted tear tracks cut down across the blossoming bruises.  One eye, in addition to the tell-tale sign of crying, was swelling shut with a purple-black mark blooming around it, but while that was the worst mark on his face, there was barely any untouched skin. The exposed arms were also littered with colour, including vibrant handprints that told a story all of their own.

John was certain that Scott’s t-shirt was concealing more.

“What happened?” Grandma demanded after a moment, swooping in and gingerly cupping Scott’s face in her hands.  His brother’s messenger bag dropped to the floor, and John let his own do the same without ever relinquishing his grip around Scott’s waist.  Scott was clearly feeling the emotional damage more than the physical, but that didn’t mean that the physical didn’t promise pain in his brother’s future.

The weight against him increased again as Scott sagged at the question.  John couldn’t see his face very well from his angle, but considering how wrecked his big brother was about the whole thing – and understandably so, in John’s furious opinion – he couldn’t envisage him repeating the tale again.

“Bullies,” he said shortly, enough to give an answer without tormenting Scott further by retelling the whole thing in his earshot.  At some point the rest of the family needed to know that Scott and Christie were no longer together – preferably before one of them made an innocent comment – but he wasn’t going to dredge that up in Scott’s vicinity.

In his pocket, Scott’s phone hadn’t stopped vibrating with incoming messages.  If they were all along the same vein as the ones John had seen initially, he was very glad he’d decided to, for all intents and purposes, confiscate his big brother’s phone.  He’d probably need to change his number before it was safe to give it back.

“Terrible children,” Grandma muttered beneath her breath, before slowly stepping back and letting her hands reluctantly part with Scott’s face.  “Your dinner’s in the kitchen and your brothers are upstairs in bed.”  Had they stayed out that late?  “Alan’s sharing with Virgil and Gordon tonight so you two don’t need to worry about him.”  That was a relief – John loved Alan, and neither he nor Scott minded sharing a bedroom with the youngest, but tonight the last thing Scott needed was Alan’s innocent blue eyes forcing him to struggle to hold himself together.

Dinner sounded – and smelled – inviting.  Grandma had taken his warning text seriously and gone straight for Scott’s favourites, from the smell of it.  It was definitely a pleasant surprise in John’s book, and he hoped that Scott was up for trying to stomach at least some of the comfort food.  If nothing else, the apple pie, whose cinnamon-tinted scent was wafting through invitingly, should entice his brother in.

Scott hadn’t said a word since choking out what had to be an extremely brief summary of events, and his silence continued as he kicked off his sneakers – still not separating from John for a single moment.

It was familiar behaviour;going to a brother for comfort when the world went mad was a common tactic, but the brother they all went to was Scott.  He was never the one seeking comfort – that is, until now, and John couldn’t blame him in the slightest, so he stayed close and kept one arm around his brother without saying anything, hoping that it would help Scott as much as Scott’s presence always helped him.

“Get some food in your stomachs,” Grandma instructed.  “Scott, have you taken any painkillers?”

Hair rustled in John’s ear as Scott shook his head.  He still didn’t say a word and John rubbed his back gently.

“I’ll get you some,” she said, ushering them through the kitchen door.  “Once you’ve eaten, Scott, I want you to take a hot bath.”  She didn’t wait for a response before disappearing, leaving John to guide his brother over to the table, where Scott’s favourite burger waited.

To his relief, Scott didn’t need any convincing to eat, although the way he mechanically took each bite told John that he wasn’t really tasting it.  The apple pie went down a little better – while Scott still didn’t speak, or smile, his mouthfuls seemed to be a little more organic, and irregularly frequent.  John ate his own in equal silence, aware of the still-vibrating phone in his pocket but refusing to check the messages while Scott was next to him.

Grandma reappeared with Tylenol and a cold compress as Scott sipped at the soda, both of which were gratefully received, even if Scott’s reaction remained unusually muted.  Still, he finished his meal, accepted the painkillers without a fuss, and let Grandma press the compress gently over his swollen-shut eye, which was as much as John could ask, given the situation.

All the while, Scott stayed in physical contact with him, leaning in and seemingly trusting John to hold him up so he didn’t fall to the floor.  It felt rather like a metaphor, so when Grandma eased the compress back again several minutes later and nudged Scott towards the bathroom where she promised a nice, warm bath was waiting for him he didn’t hesitate to escort him.

The door clicked shut behind them and Scott sank onto the tiled floor, wrapping his arms around his knees. John settled down beside him and put his arm around him again, letting his brother lean in to the touch.  Silence continued to reign.

Outside the room, he could hear the running feet of several brothers – probably all of them – and the subsequent scolding for running in the house, followed by a reminder that they should be in bed and that they’d see their eldest brothers in the morning. John would be very surprised if no black or blond heads poked into his and Scott’s room during the night.  Dad was moving around, apparently finally appearing from his office for food, and John heard the outraged outburst as Grandma no doubt told him about Scott.

At least John could be confident that Scott wouldn’t be allowed into school tomorrow – with both Grandma and Dad on the warpath, his brother would be kept safely at home, likely not doing any work at all, although he might poke at some of his preferred subjects.

Speaking of his brother, Scott was showing no signs of getting in the water.  John nudged him gently.  “It’s going to get cold,” he prompted.  “Do you want me to leave?”

His brother groaned lightly, but straightened enough to yank at his top.  John shifted out of the way as the fabric came off over messy brown hair, and did his best not to let his reaction show on his face.

As suspected, Scott’s torso was awful.  Bruises littered the skin, the fabric doing almost nothing to protect it from the blows it had taken, leaving it a rainbow of red hues.  One in particular caught John’s attention – a large, darker area that sprawled across one side as though it’d been hit multiple times in quick succession. It took him a moment to yank his eyes away, shifting his entire body until Scott was out of view, and not turning back until water splashed and then stilled again.

Only his brother’s head and shoulders were visible over the edge of the bath, complete with one arm hanging over the side, fingertips just brushing the cool tiles of the floor. The heat of the water was rapidly adding even more pink to Scott’s skin, as though it needed it when there were enough broken blood vessels below his brother’s skin to change the hue all by themselves.  Even with the painkillers Grandma had bestowed, John knew Scott was in for a sleepless night.

Then again, the heartbreak probably hurt more than everything else put together.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked again, already gathering his legs underneath himself in preparation.

“No,” Scott rasped, the first word he’d spoken since returning home.  His voice sounded scraped raw and weak, and John obediently settled back down again.  “Please.”

John was going to destroy everyone who had a hand in reducing his big brother to this.  There would be no mercy, and a large number of them were obligingly making his life much easier by blowing up Scott’s phone with messages his brother would never see hide nor hair of.

“Okay,” he agreed, settling his back against the toilet and shifting around until it was halfway comfortable. From that angle, Scott couldn’t see anything that might be on a phone screen, so while his big brother soaked in an attempt to ease the bruising, John got to work.

First was a message to Grandma from his own phone, giving her the basic rundown of events.  She didn’t reply, but she did leave him on read, so he knew she had seen it.

There was no doubt in John’s mind that she would do everything in her considerable influence and power to make sure Scott didn’t have to go in to school again, or at least until it all blew over.  His big brother was in good hands.

Still, John was not about to let things lie himself, either.  Scott’s phone was a veritable goldmine of information, and while there was little John could do without his laptop, he could at least take note of the names sending threats and begin to scheme how he was going to get revenge.

No one hurt his brother and got away with it.

Quiet sobs that started up after a while, muffled in a way that sounded like Scott had a hand or arm over his mouth.  John reached out for the dangling arm and tangled his fingers lightly with Scott’s even as he scoured his way through the social media of Christie’s two brothers, looking for the most damaging place to hit them back.  If he played it right, he could ruin their football aspirations with a neat black mark on their record.

Oh, he understood why they’d reacted the way they had – if he’d gone to Scott and said someone had hurt him, there was no way Scott wouldn’t have launched himself straight into the situation entirely on his side.  That didn’t mean John was going to spare them from retribution; he wasn’t that benevolent.

Christie herself he left for the moment.  If he was going to hurt everyone who had hurt Scott, he was going to destroy the girl behind it all in the first place, and that would require his full attention. It would be most efficient to eliminate everyone else involved first.

From the state of Scott’s phone, it was a long list of targets, but John was nothing if not thorough as he sifted through the hateful messages.

Some of them were truly vile, and there were threats in there that made John feel sick just thinking about them.  He set those aside to show Grandma; some things needed an adult’s intervention to handle effectively, and he was certain that some of the threats were jail-worthy if acted upon.

Scott had barely moved since getting into the bath, and John wondered if he was falling asleep in the pleasant warmth.  Part of him hoped so; it was much better than wallowing in negative thoughts, especially ones he didn’t deserve.  He squeezed his brother’s fingers lightly and was rewarded with a twitch in return.

His brother still didn’t talk.  Not when he stopped crying again, wiping away tears with a wet arm.  Not when Grandma lightly knocked on the door to suggest that they get ready for bed.  Not when he got out of the bath, either, skin pruned and wrinkly, and John averted his gaze so he didn’t see anything he didn’t want to as Scott slowly dried off.

Dad was waiting when they left the bathroom, Scott wrapped up snugly in his favourite pyjamas, and wordlessly folded Scott into a big, warm hug which his big brother sank into bonelessly.  John took the chance to slip away, finding Grandma downstairs and slipping her Scott’s phone.

She took one look at the first message on the screen and her face turned to granite.

“Neither of you are going to school tomorrow,” she told him.  John hadn’t expected to be included in that, but it was clear there was no arguing.  It worked in his favour anyway; vengeance would be easier to enact using his laptop without the prying eyes of hovering classmates.  “And whatever you’re planning, John, don’t get caught.”

She followed him back up the stairs.  Dad and Scott had migrated into their bedroom and John took the chance to get into his own pyjamas – although sleep wasn’t on his agenda just yet – before going to join them.

A door creeping open as he passed caught his attention and he paused to see three pairs of worried eyes peering out.

“Is Scott okay?”  Alan was the one that spoke, not yet aware of the nuances of the indoor voice, but making a good go at whispering regardless.  John could see the question reflected in two pairs of brown eyes as well and sighed, shoulders slumping.

“He broke up with Christie,” he explained, keeping his own voice low enough that there was no way the brother in question would be able to hear from down the hall.  It was Virgil’s eyes he met, knowing that he was the only one old enough to comprehend what his next words would mean.  “It was a bad breakup.”  Sure enough, chestnut brown eyes widened.

“But is he okay?” Gordon asked, frowning, and John swallowed, not wanting to lie, but not wanting them to worry, either.

He settled on shrugging.  “He will be.”  I hope.

They surged forwards, apparently taking that as an invitation to go see him, and John had to plant himself firmly in the doorway to stop them. There was no way Scott would want them to see him in his current state.

“Tomorrow,” he said, somewhat sharply.  “He needs space right now.”

They grumbled malcontentedly, but he stood firm, pulling upon his rarely used big brother clout to get them to obey until the door closed again.

In all likelihood, they’d be sneaking in later, but hopefully Scott would be less visibly distraught by then.

John padded into his bedroom and headed straight for his bed.  Dad was sitting with Scott on his brother’s bed, arms firmly around him and one hand running through his hair as he sobbed. From the way he was slumped, and the weakness of the sobs, Scott was on the cusp of sleep.  John wasn’t naïve enough to think that he’d sleep all through the night, not with all those bruises, but he’d gladly support any sleep Scott could get.

For his part, he pulled up his phone and continued scrolling through the names of Scott’s year mates.  Most of them had left a message on his phone.

“Don’t stay up too late,” Dad cautioned suddenly and he jumped, checking the time to see it was much later than he’d realised.  Scott was neatly tucked into bed, the vision of a perfect slumber ruined by the tear tracks down his face.

“I won’t,” he shrugged, an acknowledgement but not a promise.  “Night, Dad.”

“Goodnight, John.”  He was pulled into a brief hug, kiss pressed against his brow, before Dad slipped out of the room, leaving him with his sleeping brother.

Armed with his laptop, phone, and the simmering fury kept at a boil by the sight of his battered brother, John got to work.

[amanda-glassen]

The Wonder Years: Part 11

While getting ready for her first school dance, twelve-year-old Olivia starts a path toward discovering who she is truly meant to be. Parts 1-10 and one-shots in this universe can be found in the tag #alex and liv: the wonder years

Jamie stayed up with Olivia until 2 a.m. playing video games to take their minds off of the night’s events when Serena finally came home. She didn’t talk to either of them despite Jamie asking if she was okay and Olivia telling her that she loved her. Olivia didn’t know who this woman was that walked through the door. She was fragile and worn down, nothing like the vibrant woman she knew. Olivia was used to giving her mom a hug every time she got home, but this time there was no talking to her, no touching her, and Olivia felt for the first time in her life that her mom wished she hadn’t been born. The only words she heard from her after a few minutes was her mom yelling at her to go to bed.

...but she didn’t go to bed. Instead, Olivia left her bedroom door slightly ajar so she could peek down the hall.

Olivia didn’t know how it happened, but Jamie was able to embrace her mom and Serena clinged to her and smiled some goofy smile that Olivia had once seen in a romantic comedy, until she remembered she and her mom didn’t actually watch romantic comedies. Or was that a horror movie before the woman went on a rampage and killed the man who wronged her? Either way, she’s actually smiling.

“I’m sorry our first full night together didn’t go according to plan,” she heard her mom say to Jamie.

Olivia didn’t remember falling asleep and, when she woke up the next morning, the noises she heard from down the hall made her feel as if she had woken up in another universe. She heard pans clinking in the kitchen and the sound of her mom laughing. Oh my god, she killed my dad with a frying pan and she’s laughing about it. But Olivia quickly shook that thought from her head and took a deep breath before walking down the hall.

“...Mom?” Olivia hesitated.

“I’m in the kitchen, Olliegator!” she heard her mom call out.

She walked in to find Jamie standing in front of the stove, making omelets and her mom sitting on the counter, eating from a bowl of shredded cheese. She was smiling and happy and Olivia began to wonder if last night had even happened at all or if it was just a horrible dream.

“Morning, Ollie. Your mom has been banished to the counter,” Jamie informed her. “She kept trying to do non-stick pan demonstrations, but she couldn’t do them without making the omelets fly out of the pan and onto the floor. I figured the bowl of cheese will keep her happy, though.”

“Treating me like a common mouse,” Serena scoffed. “Do I at least have permission to get off of the counter so I could talk to my daughter?”

“Permission granted,” Jamie responded, too preoccupied with the omelets to care if Serena got off the countertop.

While sitting on the couch in the living room, there wasn’t a single moment of awkward silence before Olivia felt herself wrapped up in her mom’s embrace. She was holding her close and giving her kisses on the cheek to make Olivia giggle, which made her more confused than ever. It’s like last night never even happened.

“My Ollie,” her mom said as she hugged her again. “My sweet baby. I’m so sorry I hurt you last night.”

“It's okay."

She felt her mom cup her face in her hands. "I need you to listen to me, Olivia. It's never okay for anyone to hurt you, especially me. I’m your mom and I should always protect you.”

“Mom?”

Her mom kissed her wrist where she had roughly grabbed it the night before. “Does it still hurt? Do you need ice? Olliegator, please tell me how I can make it up to you? I’ll get you anything. I’ll get you the bat you’ve been wanting.” Her mom shook her head. “No, that’ll make it seem like I’m buying your forgiveness. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so bad at this.”

“Buying my forgiveness is okay,” Olivia smiled. “I’ll take the bat.”

“I bet you will,” her mom playfully pulled her onto her lap and wrapped her arms around her waist. “My big baby. You’re growing so fast. You’re almost as tall as me now.”

“Mom?” Olivia asked nervously.

“Yes, Ollie?”

“What you said earlier...you’re not bad at this,” Olivia averted her eyes. “And this whole you being in love thing...I guess it’s okay. Jamie played video games with me last night while you were with Uncle Kyle. I really like her. I just don’t like her kissing you. No one is supposed to be kissing my mom.”

“No one?”

Olivia turned around to face her. “Just me,” she said after giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. She saw her mom give her that dopey smile that meant she was feeling soft and sentimental. 

“Okay, only you.” Olivia felt her mom’s fingers combing through her hair. “I know what you can do for your science project.” With everything that had happened around her in the course of twelve hours, Olivia had completely forgotten about her science project. Even if it was a significant portion of her grade, it all felt so trivial in comparison to meeting her dad. “When I was in middle school, my best friend and I did a cupcake geology project and made cupcakes with different layers to represent the earth. Instead of your classmates just observing the project, they’ll get their own cupcakes and straws to use to simulate what it’s like to drill and collect core samples. I’ll help you bake them.”

Olivia gave her a confused look. “But you can’t bake.”

“Then I’ll help you convince Jamie to bake them,” Serena playfully touched her finger to the tip of Olivia’s nose. “Come on, Olliegator. I think breakfast is almost ready.”

“Race you to the kitchen. First one there gets the cheesiest omelet.” Olivia took off running but felt her mom wrap her arms around her waist from behind and push ahead of her. “Mom! That’s cheating!”

....but the moment her mom stepped foot in the kitchen, Jamie scooped her up and refused to let her go. “Get the cheesy one, Ollie. She’s trapped.”

Olivia raced toward the plate with the cheesy omelet and piled some hash browns next to it. She looked back at her mom who was still struggling to get away from Jamie’s embrace. “Jamie! Now I have to have the veggie omelet.”

“Serena, you ate half a bowl of cheese this morning!” Jamie released her once Olivia was sitting down with her breakfast. “I did it on purpose, babe. When was the last time you ate a vegetable that wasn’t on a pizza?”

“I ate a chicken caesar wrap for lunch two days ago,” Serena pointed out as she begrudgingly piled some hash browns next to her veggie omelet.

Jamie came up to hug her from behind and Olivia couldn’t help but giggle when she saw her mom pout. “Yeah and I bet you doused it in dressing,” Jamie smirked.

“She’s just gonna cover this in ketchup anyway and that’s loaded with sugar,” Olivia told Jamie although she had just squirted ketchup onto her own hash browns. “And not just the hash browns either. She covers her omelets, too.”

“Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” her mom asked as she poured what remained of the shredded cheese onto her omelet when Jamie wasn’t looking. “Are you two going to call me out on all of my eating habits?”

As her mom really didn’t know how to cook, a homemade breakfast was a rare treat in the Benson household. On weekend mornings, they usually ordered from Doordash or went to her mom’s favorite coffee shop for bagels. Weekday mornings were always hectic between Olivia rushing to get ready for school and her mom getting ready for work so she’d scarf down a Pop Tart while her mom grabbed a cereal bar and some coffee in a tumbler. But sitting at the table that morning, just the three of them, eating a breakfast that Jamie cooked and talking and laughing made Olivia feel like they could eventually be a family and her mom could be happy like this every morning. 

“What’s on your mind, Olliegator?” her mom asked as tousled her hair. 

She wanted to tell her mom that she was happy for her and that her being in love was one of the best things that could happen to the two of them. She wanted to tell her that she was going to meet her dad so she could alleviate some of the guilt. Olivia still didn’t know what happened between the two of them, but she held onto the hope that it was a fight－something they could finally work out－and when they did, Olivia would have a relationship with her dad. She didn’t want her parents together now that she knew how much her mom loved Jamie and how much Jamie loved her mom, but she still hoped that he could go to her games and maybe she could spend every other weekend at his house like all the other kids she knew whose parents were divorced. She thought about what her grandma said about going to Disneyland and she wanted to tell her that she’d do anything for the chance to ride the teacups with Alex, but none of the words formed.

“I’m just thinking about how good the cheesy omelet is.”

[dorindameddler]

a braving light in a world so dark: a georgie/melanie playlist (spotify)

1. first love/late spring - mitski // 2. unforgiving girl (she's not an) - car seat headrest // 3. strange girl - laura marling // 4. reach out - sleater-kinney // 5. safe tonight - bat for lashes // 6. crying in public - chairlift // 7. don't delete the kisses - wolf alice // 8. it's not just me - let's eat grandma // 9. sick of spiraling - bachelor // 10. shut up kiss me - angel olsen // 11. marauders - thao & the get down stay down // 12. half colored hair - black belt eagle scout // 13. stay with me - margaret glaspy // 14. don't go puttin wishes in my head - torres // 15. walk with you - oceanator

selection of lyrics under the cut

first love/late spring

Wild women don't get the blues/But I find that lately, I've been crying like a tall child/So please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe/Please don't say you love me/Mune ga hachikire-sōde/One word from you and I would/Jump off of this ledge I'm on, baby/Tell me, "Don't," so I can crawl back in

unforgiving girl (she's not an)

Well, everyone learns to live with themselves/And you're not the only one who's been through hell/So give me a sign that I'm not making love to myself/It's an unforgiving world/But she's not an unforgiving girl

strange girl

Woke up in a country who refused to hold your hand/Kept falling for narcissists who insist you call them 'man'/You work late for a job you hate that's never fit the plan/Stay low, keep brave/I love you, my strange girl/My lonely girl/My angry girl/My brave

reach out

Reach out, touch me, I'm stuck on the edge/Reach out, darkness is winning again/Reach out and see me, I'm losing my head/Reach out, I can't fight without you, my friend

safe tonight

Lying in the dark and I am out of time/There's a demon in my heart that I'm not sure we’ll survive/The shadows come around one too many times/Baby, I need you to tell me I'm safe tonight

crying in public

Take all my defenses in two words/And throw them away/ Tell me, what kind of monster/Have I been today?/But you smile and call me “tough guy”/To the opposite effect/It's a flower in the gun/And your tough guy's a wreck/Sorry I'm crying in public this way/I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you/I'm sorry I'm causing a scene on the train/I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you

don't delete the kisses

What if it's not meant for me?/Love/What if it's not meant for me?/Love/A few days pass since I last saw you/And you've taken over my mind/I'm retelling jokes you made that made me laugh/Pretending that they're mine/I wanna tell the whole world about you/I think that that's a sign/I'm losing self-control and it's you

it's not just me

Because the point is that I see it's not just me/The point is that you feel my company/You know I'll never be too far if you're looking for somebody/I'm here/It's not just me/I know you're feeling the same way/And I can't fail to believe/When you're feeling the same way/It's not just me

sick of spiraling

Walking alone at night/Clutching a cheap gas station knife/Love, the danger is in the car/Who couldn't see me it was too dark/As the brakes slam to the floor/Missing me just inches short/I thought, "If I can't have my own back/How the fuck can I have yours?"/You are a braving light in a world so dark/And I'm sick of spiraling out and I need your touch to stop/You are a braving light in a world so dark/And I'm scared out of my mind and I need your love

shut up kiss me

I could make it all go away/Tell me what you’re thinking, don't delay/We could still be having some sweet memories/This heart still beats for you, why can't you see?/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight/Stop your crying, it's alright/Shut up, kiss me, hold me tight

marauders

My darlin', your patience, rain it on me/I know daughters of marauders are just so hard to please/I got that poison, carve it on out/Barely served me then/Only hurts me now/But you look like I could stay/Let all my intentions fall away/Kill all my defenses where they lay/Say all that's left to say

half colored hair

How you look at me/In the brightness of your room/Imagine the lightness of my fingers on your face/Run through your hair/Across your neck/Light breaks across your room/I never knew I'd like half colored hair so much/But in the light

stay with me

I've had nothing but trouble/And bad news on the line for such a long time/The only break I get is laughing 'tiI my eyes are wet/With you, you/Won't you stay with me?/I'll be on my best behavior/When it all shakes down—/Who's the clown, and who's the savior?

don't go puttin wishes in my head

I know promising forever's not your thing/But now if you don't want me to go dreaming/Don't spend your mornings and your evenings in my bed/If you don't want me believing that/You're never gonna leave me, darling/Don't go putting wishes in my head/So if we're calling off the funeral/Then I'm calling for a hitching/For a while, I was sinking/But from here on out, I swear I'm swimming

walk with you

When you were depressed and/You put your head on my chest and you told me/That you were tired of being tough/I took you by the hand and/Told you I understand and you told me/That could never be enough/But I will walk with you down the avenue though the streets are made of glass/And we will tread lightly on our heavy feet and avoid all of the cracks/It's a fragile place that we've ended in and one wrong move could shatter/But in the end will it matter?

[catzula]

How to cure a broken heart

Synopsis: love might come in in various shapes. With Kuroo it came with a snowball.

Honorable mentions: tw cursing, it's 2.4k words, genre is fluff, hope you guys like it!!

Its a short lil fluffy Kuroo blurb since its snowing very heavy here and I kinda broke your hearts with that last angst lol

You never thought you were the type to partake in something so cliche, something as falling in love with your next-door neighbor. It was overused at this point, it wasn't even your favorite trope to read anymore, and you would've died laughing if someone told you you would meet the guy you fell in love with like this.

But overused as it is, it still came in as a surprise, and that was Kuroo Tetsurou for you, managing to make even the most monotonous thing surprising. 

It was the morning after a night of heavy snow, hearing the rustle of walking on fresh, unpressed snow beneath your feet making you bite back a smile. It had been a while since it snowed this much where you lived, so you didn't refuse when your mother offered you to take a walk. 

 I'm sure you'll feel better if you take a breath of fresh air, she told you, taking note of your foul mood.

She was right, it smells like winter, and the familiar smell didn't fail to make you take a breath of relief, as if you were suffocating the past few days. 

It had been a while since you even left your house, you realized, even before the quarantine started, you weren't the type to go out and socialize around the block. You usually met with your friends at a cafe around your school or an arcade or something, but it was rare for you to hang out in your neighborhood area, thus ended with you not knowing any of your neighbors. 

You had never intended to get to know them either, but it wasn't your choice to make anymore when you noticed a perfect sphere of snowball flying towards you, you dodged it the last second with reflexes you didn't even know you had (you didn't. it was pure luck). 

As you turned to where the snowball came from, your eyes locked on a smug, sneaky grin, obviously amused by the shocked expression on your face. It was a boy about your age, leaning proudly on a snowman that was almost as tall as him, his smile more noticeable even than his odd, inky black ruffle of hair or the piercing golden eyes that had something of a clever glint to them.

His grin felt infectious, and you could feel a smile tugging on the corners of your lips, and it was the smile that would never fail to make you smile back, except for that particular day.

It hadn't made you smile, nor had it disputed the mean frown on your lips as you quirked a brow at him, only making his grin spread wider on his lips. "Sorry," he muttered, not sounding the slightest bit apologetic, nor had he stopped smiling teasingly. "Didn't mean to throw it at you."

You took the apology with a soft nod, turning your back to him, and started walking, sighing when you felt a hand tap your arm gently.

"Hey, me again." He grinned, and you mustered a smile. "Hi." You answered back, pressing your lips together awkwardly. 

"I'm Kuroo Tetsurou," he informed you. "Your next door neighbor, I think."

"Y/N, L/N." You answered, "nice to meet you, Kuroo-san."

"Nice to meet you, too." He then tilted his head, eyes grazing on you for another while, and he looked like he wanted to talk even more even though the conversation was very obviously over. "That was pretty impressive, you know?" Another smile formed on his lips as he scratched the back of his neck and averted his eyes away from you, and you could feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"Thanks. Your snowman is pretty impressive, too." It was. The guy was almost 2 meters, and it made no sense for the snowman to be as tall as him, too, but it still was pretty impressive.

Not expecting him to throw his head back and start laughing loudly at your comment, you couldn't help but watch him like you were witnessing some miracle. You couldn't look away as he bent forward, holding his stomach all the while his body shook. It was infectious, you realized, since you also found yourself chuckling not half a minute later.

He took a deep breath as his laughter died, still chuckling now and then, he turned to you. "It is impressive, isn't it? Had nothing better to do in quarantine, you know?" He shrugged, trying to look modest, but he beamed with pride. 

He weaved his hand through the raven locks of hair that fell on his face, making you wonder if they were as soft as they looked. You quickly discarded the idea.

"Well, I won't bother you any longer." He grinned, "but I'll see you around!"

You watched him as he turned his back to you, giving you just a second to admire how tall and broad he was before he flashed you one last smile and a wave.

~

You found yourself still smiling as you entered your house, tapping your feet on the wood to rustle off the snow off your shoes. 

"Wow, maybe I should take a walk, too." Your mother teased when she took note of your smile and relaxed posture. "Did you have fun?"

"I met our next-door neighbor today." You told her after nodding your head. "The poor boy, approaching you at your moodiest. I hope he's still in one piece." She teased, brows quirking when you laughed along instead of protesting.

"Have you met him already?"

"Yeah, we crossed paths once or twice, cute boy. I think he studied in Nekoma Highschool?" She shrugged when she couldn't remember clearly. "Still, it's nice to see he was able to make you smile."

He was nice, you had to admit. Maybe you would pay him a visit to apologize for your -slightly- rude behavior today? Nah, you'd rather wait till the next time you crossed paths, you decided. 

As you averted your eyes to the wall both the houses shared, you thought if you'd cross paths soon.

~

You did. The next day, if you wanted to be exact.

You were startled by the sounds coming from the bushes separating your garden from your neighbors, rasing from your chair, you gazed from the window to see what it was, only to see a head of messy black hair poking through the leaves.

It was impossible not to smile as you watched him lean towards something you couldn't quite see, reaching his hand to your garden and making kissing noises with a desperate expression on his face. "Mika," you heard him call out, "come here boy, that's not our garden."

It was a cat, you realized. (Either that, or he was a pervert.) Taking a breath of relief when you saw the furry tail of the animal, you thought it was time to show yourself (and tease him about it if you could)

"Kuroo-san?" You exited out to the garden, watching the boy as his eyes widened with shock, his body immediately pulling himself back, only to stay stuck between the branches of the bush. You stifled your laughter as he forcefully pulled his way out of it, cursing at the branches scratching him, his face flushing either because of the challenge he gave trying to free himself or of embarrassment.

"H-hi." He muttered as he finally regained his composure, tall enough to have a comfortable conversation with you over the bushes. (He could even lean in to kiss you over them without any problem, something you discovered sometime in the future)

"Are you okay?" You asked softly, still laughing as you watched him pull a small branch out of his hair.

"Yeah, I'm okay. More than okay, I was just- my cat ran into your garden, and I was trying to pull him back." He stammered as he noticed your chuckles. "Cat?" You repeated innocently.

"Yeah, my cat, he's right here- Mika?"

You couldn't hold your laughs back when you saw the baffled look on his handsome face when he noticed the cat wasn't there or anywhere to be seen.

"I swear he was right here!" He exclaimed, panicking. "I wasn't trying to peek in your garden, my cat- he- he-" He stopped his panicked explanation when he finally noticed how hard you were laughing. "You already knew, didn't you?"

"Yup, saw the whole thing." You answered between your occasional chuckles. "Wow, how mean!" He frowned, but you could tell he also found the situation amusing.

"You know, you didn't have to push through the bushes." You snickered. "you could just come in from the door like a normal person." A slight shade of red tinted his cheeks with your words, averting his eyes in embarrassment and scratching the back of his neck with a chuckle. "Yeah, that's probably a better idea." 

It had turned into a routine quickly after that. Kuroo would knock on your window, a grin plastered on his face and waving at you from the other side of the glass. 

At first, he always had some excuse, sometimes showing up with a plate of freshly baked cookies, telling you his grandma had cooked a little too much. "I'm sure you could smell them baking, and I didn't want you to miss out on the best cookies ever." He would beam. You didn't miss out on the smile that adorned his lips when you told him you could make coffee for the both of you and you could eat it together.

Talking with Kuroo was relaxing, at the very least. 

He was a good listener, and his presence enough was soothing. He could calm you when you felt stressed, oddly good at it, too, laughing when you told him that one day. "I have a friend like this." He had shrugged. "A childhood friend, we used to live pretty close, too. I got used to it after a while, I guess."

He would watch you with thoughtful eyes as you spoke as if you were saying the most important thing, even if you were telling him about your day.

Kuroo was also one of the funniest people you knew. He had so many stories from when he was the captain of his volleyball team in high school, the things he told you always making you have a stomach ache from laughing so hard. 

A friendship developing so quickly, it would usually end with you getting scared and pushing people who were getting so dear to you away from you, afraid of trusting them, even more than you did.

But not with him, you couldn't, wouldn't. Trusting Tetsurou didn't feel terrifying like it did with everyone else, instead, it felt good. It felt so safe, so cherishing to finally be able able to trust someone with everything you had, and you had never felt this protected and secure being so vulnerable with anyone. 

It was the next winter you showed up in his garden, picking up snow from the ground and working on it for a few minutes to make sure you had two perfect spheres you felt all warm inside despite the cold weather. 

Throwing the first snowball on his window, you grinned to yourself as you waited for the boy to come out, waiting for the chance to catch him off guard and hopefully manage to hit him square in the face. 

Your eyes narrowed when he didn't come out after a few minutes, grabbing more snow from the ground and throwing another snowball on the window. This one you had sent a bit harder, and he must've heard it if he was at home. 

When he didn't come out after that either, you frowned, standing up. Just then, you noticed a snowball flying towards you, dodging it the last second before turning that way with wide eyes. 

"No-" You managed to choke out before the grinning boy wrapped his arms around you, caging your body against his, and threw himself on the snow, pulling you with him to be buried in the snow together.

"Tetsu!" You whined, even though you were laughing so hard that you were gasping for air. "That wasn't fair!"

"And yours was?" He laughed, his body still over yours, making it hard to breathe for you. "Get off me, I can't breathe." You managed to choke out between your laughter, your eyes lingering on his smiling lips that were a few inches away from yours. 

"Because I'm so handsome?" He teased.

"No, because you're heavy." You answered, laughing even more when he faked a gasp. 

"So mean, always breaking your boyfriend's heart." He shook his head side to side, not moving an inch that would allow you to squirm out from under his body. 

"Come on," you whined, emphasizing the last word. "Lemme breathe!"

"Nope! You broke my heart, so painful that I can't breathe, either! It's only fair, chibi-chan." He grinned, making you roll your eyes. 

"Okay, okay." You sighed. "What do you want?" You already knew what he wanted since ever since he had crushed you beneath his, his eyes had never left your lips.

"Let me think. How can you cure a broken heart?"

He had his answer when you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his smiling, soft ones.