#but now our chances together might be over because we found eachother too early-

[gubler-me-up]

Old Friends, Old Habits (MGG Request)

Request: Can u write a cute smutty fic about mgg pls? Like seeing eachother for the first time in a while or something. Thanks! Love ya xx

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! I know, I know, I said Thursday it would be published, but I was out and about my apologies. I stayed up until nearly 6 in the morning to get this out I’m actually so drained i’ll be in bed until 3 in the afternoon LOL that being said I hope it was worth the wait! 

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Content warning: Oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, fingering, unprotected sex

Word count: 2.1k

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“Y/N?”

You heard a familiar voice call out. You had been walking the streets of LA by yourself the whole day. You didn’t know anyone from there. You were only down there for a quick business trip. That voice though. The last time you heard that voice was a few years ago after seeing each other at a bar in New York. The rest was history.

You turned around and saw Matthew as he stood there in surprise. He looked delighted to see you after so long though. You two had become friends in university, but hadn’t seen much of each other after graduation besides that night at the bar.

“Well, isn’t it the superstar himself,” you said as you leaned in for a hug.

He grabbed you up in his arms and hugged you tight. His touch hadn’t changed in all these years. The last time he held you this close was in his hotel room as he gave you a hug and kiss goodbye in the morning.

He chuckled. “Superstar’s an overstatement. From the looks of it you’re doing big things since the last time we spoke.”

“Yeah, I finally moved from New York to Illinois and got a job at this company that pays me well enough now,” you said.

“See, I knew since NYU you’d do big things,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh, you’re too modest for your own good sometimes, Matt. If your face isn’t in a magazine, it’s on T.V. or on the silver screen.”

He laughed as he continued to stare dangerously at you. You could tell he was reminiscing about the last time you two had bumped into each other. A friendly meet up with a few too many drinks which led the two of you to an intense make-out session in the back corner of the bar. A few more drinks after that led to Matthew ramming you from behind so hard in the washroom stall you thought your back was gonna break.

“Well, I’m not too much of a star to blow you off. How about I take you to dinner tonight? Only if you’re not too busy for me,” he said.

You giggled. “How could I ever be too busy for the Matthew Gray Gubler? That would be a crime if I ever saw one.”

“For someone who took business, you sure have a knack for the dramatics, Y/N. Maybe we can star side by side in a project one day.”

“I don’t know, I don’t feel like upstaging you like that.”

He laughed. “You can upstage me on any show as long as you don’t stand me up tonight. We can go to Bestia. I know how much you love Italian food.”

“Aw, you remember that? You’re too sweet.”

He smiled as he leaned in to hug you. You took that as a sign of him having to go. You were glad you could see him again later on. The innocent-seeming hug took a turn when you heard him whisper in your ear.

“I remember every inch of you.”

As you two split from the hug you could feel your heart race with excitement just by those few words he whispered. What made it even better was he had such a casual look on his face while you looked at him dangerously. The night portion of your chance meeting would definitely be an interesting one.

————

Dinner had been going well for both of you. There was an extensive amount of catching up to do especially on your end. He wanted to know everything that had happened in your life in the past few years. You were more than happy to fill him in. Everything you shared with him you could tell he was proud of your accomplishments. You had to admit the both of you had come a long way since your university days.

He was still the same goof as you remembered him to be. Extremely hilarious and sweet wrapped in a perfect bow that was his physical form. You could still remember the feeling of his chest as you rubbed your hands up and down it the last time you encountered each other. Your mind couldn’t help rewinding that moment over and over again in your mind.

“Oh my God, do you hear that?” Matthew said.

You quickly snapped out of your thoughts. You were trying to figure out what he was talking about, but then you heard it. A big smile formed on your face.

“Is this Sublime playing?” You asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s Doin’ Time. Remember in our freshman year of college we discovered Sublime and would just vibe to it?”

You laughed. “How could I forget? The easier days of procrastinating our homework and listening to music.”

“I wish we could still do that,” he said.

“Well, we kinda are. We’re putting off work to eat some pasta and vibe to Sublime,” you pointed out.

He smiled. “I guess that’s true. Doesn’t feel as good lazing around in your 30’s as it does at 18.”

“Nonsense, lazing around feels good at any age. If I could be laying in my bed every day with a margarita at my bedside I’d be content.”

“Make that two.”

You raised your eyebrow. “You’d be in the bed with me?”

“Of course. I’d be by your side more often if you were in LA.”

“Ugh, you know how much I hate LA.”

“I think I could change your mind about LA.”

“Oh? You sound so sure of yourself. I’d like to know how you’d make LA appealing.”

“Well, it’s beautiful.”

“Beauty? That’s all LA has? Beauty?”

“Well, yeah. I’m here, so it adds to the beauty of it all.”

You both burst out laughing. You had to admit he made a valid point. LA might not be your first choice to move to, but definitely a place you’d visit more often since Matthew made it worth it.

“Is there a second point?” You asked.

“Well, if you were down here we could do so many things together,” he said.

“Like?” You asked.

“Anything and everything.”

You placed your elbow on the table and placed your chin in your palm. You were interested in what he exactly meant by “anything and everything.” You decided it was the perfect time to see if you were the only one thinking about the last time you two meant. By his look early on in the day when you two bumped into each other you’d say he definitely still had it on his mind.

“What do you exactly mean by anything and everything?” You asked.

A smirk spread across his face. He licked his lips as he looked to his left before he looked back at you. You could see in his eyes he had something in mind. You looked over to where he looked and saw a hallway leading to the washrooms. At the end of the hall was the family washroom. It was confirmed, he in fact had thought about your hook up years ago.

“How about I show you?”

Before you could say another word he had gotten up from his seat and started to walk towards the washroom. You watched as he made his way to the washroom. He looked back at you before he entered and gestured you to come. You obeyed like a dog as you quickly walked towards him. He smiled as he opened the door for you. When he closed the door behind himself it was a matter of seconds before he grabbed your face and embraced you in a long, sensual kiss.

You broke away from the kiss and looked him in his lustful eyes. You smiled as your hands made their way to his belt buckle. He bit his lips before letting out a small laugh. He knew how eager your hands could get whenever he was near.

“Are you gonna show me why Illinois’s worth it?” He asked.

You giggled. “I’m gonna show you why I’m worth it.”

Without saying another word you dropped to your knees and pulled down his pants along with his underwear. As soon as you saw his dick you didn’t hesitate to put your mouth on it as you bobbed your head back and forth. He let out the most satisfied moan you’d ever heard from a guy. You were glad you still had power over him. You placed your hand on his dick and started moving it up and down his shaft.

“You’re too good, Y/N,” he said as he placed his hand on your head.

You moaned around his dick as you continued to bob your head on it. You forgot how exhausting it could be blowing him because he was a mouthful. The feeling of his dick in your mouth was worth it though. Every single inch of it.

He started to push your head for you so you let him take control. He pushed your head as close as possible to the shaft and held you there. You gagged as you looked up at him happily. He looked down at you happy you were enjoying yourself. He pulled your head off his dick and helped you off the ground.

“I wasn’t finished,” you said.

He leaned in and kissed you. “I’m supposed to be the one trying to convince you why you should come down to LA, remember?”

You laughed as you two embraced in another kiss. His kisses could be reason enough to move states. He didn’t even need to have sex to convince you, but you were glad it was leading to just that. He led you over to the mirror and stood behind you. He kissed down your neck as his hands found their way up your dress. You let out a desperate moan as you felt his hand rub your already soaked underwear.

“I didn’t know you were this excited,” he said.

“I’d be crazy not to be,” you said.

You then felt him move your underwear to the side and placed two fingers inside of you. You let out nonstop moans as he slowly moved in and out of you, watching you in the mirror as your face contorted in pleasure. In the mirror you saw him smiling to himself as he gave you a light bite on your neck. Those canine of his were a hot, dangerous force.

“You ready for the main reason you should be in LA?” He asked.

You smiled. “Been ready.”

You then felt his dick enter you. You instantly fell limp as the sensation overpowered any sense you had left. He made sure you felt every inch of his dick, so you knew what you were missing. Very devious of him, but he was doing a good job of convincing you.

“How’s that convincing you?” He whispered in your ear.

You moaned something incoherent and total gibberish as he continued to gently fuck you. He smiled at your answer though, satisfied you didn’t even have a straight answer for him any longer. He went back to kissing your neck as you continued to moan for him. You started to feel as if he wanted to fuck you slow, so he could save this moment in case he didn’t see you for another few years after this.

Soon you felt his hand rub your clit. Your eyes rolled to the back and your head fell back as you enjoyed the stimulation. His other hand was fondling your breast. He continued to run gentle kisses down your neck the whole time. This was the image of what heaven must be like. You could feel sweet butterflies running through you and knew it was time for you to meet your end.

“Matthew,” you moaned.

He just continued to do what he was already doing. You knew he knew you were about to cum. He wanted you to. His actions were almost demanding you to. So, you did. You let out a few breathy moans as your body seized as your orgasm ran through you. That’s when he started to pump his dick in you a bit faster. He moved his hand from your clit and placed it on your neglected breast. He soon came himself as he roughly grabbed your breasts as he did.

He pulled out, but didn’t move from his position behind you. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder as he looked at your flushed expression in the mirror. You smiled at him as he stared at you with a smirk.

“So, LA doesn’t seem so bad after all. Maybe I’ll move down in a few years or so,” you joked.

He chuckled. “I’ll help you move. Just don’t make me wait forever again.”

“I’ll try my best, superstar.”

—–

MASTERLIST

[cristinablackthornkingson]

What Might Have Been, Part 3.

Check out part 1 here and part 2 here

It is a warm Spring day in March, year of The Chinchilla, 17 years after the Midmerican Scythedom were rocked by the loss of their High Blade Scythe Robert Goddard, when the woman formerly known as Scythe Ayn Rand, is faced with the conversation she has dreaded for the past 17 years.

Just last week Olivia Kwon and Tyger Salazar’s son Alexander, turned 17.

 That day was also 16 years since Olivia and Tyger tried to make things work with eachother, they dated on and off throughout Alex’s early childhood, and though there was and is no doubt that they truly love eachother, after what Olivia did to Tyger, while she was Scythe Rand, he will never be truly able to trust her again, and as such would never be able to be in a long term relationship with her. 

Despite this, they remained friends and were and are always a team when it comes to Alex and his upbringing, which is the best he could’ve possibly asked for, though now as he is getting older he’s finding his mother to be too protective and a little suffocating, he knows she means well and he loves her with all his heart, but he’s almost an adult now, he feels like he needs some space. 

Olivia knows this, she can see much of herself at that age, in Alex (Though thankfully he doesn’t so far seem to have her temper and angry disposition.) and on this warm Spring day, she decides it’s time to give Alex the truth of his early life and how he came to be. 

Standing in the doorway to his bedroom, watching him absorbed in a drawing he’s been working on for the last few days, Olivia almost wants to forget about this conversation and let Alex continue to live in blissful ignorance, let him innocently believe that he was conceived like any other child, that he was wanted because a child is a gift to many people, not because the man who was technically his father, wanted to use him as a weapon.

But she knows she can’t, Alex deserves to know the truth about everything and he’s old enough now to understand and comprehend it all. Olivia just hopes he doesn’t hate her.

Pushing aside her fears as she has learned to do over the last 17 years, Olivia knocks lightly on Alex’s door. 

Alex looks up from his drawing, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes, his face lighting up with a smile when he sees his mother. 

“Hi mom!” Alex says in a bright tone, setting his pencil down and pushing his hair back. Olivia’s heart aches with how much she loves him, and she wishes she could turn back time just for an hour or two, to when Alex was a baby and it was just the two of them against the world, for the first month of his life. 

“Hi, what are you working on?” Olivia asks, nodding at his sketchpad. Alex’s eyes light up as they always do when someone asks him about his art. 

“A piece of the portfolio I gotta submit to colleges, I’m almost done my whole portfolio!” Alex proudly tells her, holding his head high. He’s had a big interest in art since he was old enough to hold a pencil, he recently made the choice to go to an art school and get his degree in art and art history, then maybe he could be a teacher himself, or he could be hired by someone famous like a Scythe, to do a portrait for them. 

“It looks really good.” Olivia tells him with a smile. “Listen, Alex, now that you’re 17 I need to talk to you about some things, about your early life and why... why we’re so secluded and why I came here from MideMerica, to raise you.” 

“Oh... um... okay.” Alex shrugs, having always wondered about his mom’s life before him, and he’s been curious as to why she has hardly any friends and dreads parent-teacher meetings as his school, it’ll be good to get some answers. 

With a sigh, Olivia sits on the edge of Alex’s bed, while he stays where he is in the chair at his desk. 

“Okay, so this is a pretty long story and you’ll find out I did some pretty awful things before I had you, just bare with me until the end then you can ask any questions you want, and no matter what you feel about me or your dad, or anything about this situation, it’s okay, alright?” Olivia asks, looking her son dead in the eye, having always made sure he knows he has a right to feel his emotions and express them, and he should never push them down like she did at his age. 

“Okay.” 

“To start off with, I’m going to tell you something pretty shocking, something that only your dad knows and no one else in our lives knows.

I haven’t always gone by Olivia Kwon, from the time I was 17 until I was 25, I was known as Honorable Scythe Ayn Rand. 

I apprenticed with Honorable Scythe Robert Goddard, when I was your age and was his Junior Scythe for 8 years, his right-hand woman. 

I know you know about him, you learned about him at school, about me too though you didn’t know at the time that I use to be Scythe Rand. So you know we were both pretty awful people, and I hate to say it now, but for those 8 years I had a major crush on Goddard, I thought I was totally and utterly in love with him.

You know how he was killed the first time... and how he was revived, but one thing about that that you don’t know is... that the ‘donor’ body I selected... was actually your dad, because he was close to Rowan Damisch, the boy who killed Goddard the first time, and almost killed me. I... I chose him so I could and would hurt Rowan, and get back at him. 

Thing is though, I fell in love with your dad during the time I was training him, I really loved him, not in the way I thought I loved Goddard. 

As you know about 18 years ago, Goddard was elected High Blade of Midmerica, the first new High Blade after the 9th Commandment was lifted for Scythes and we were allowed to get married and have kids. He was also the first High Blade who would pass the title down to his child, when the time came. 

So shortly after he was elected he started looking for surrogates so he could have a child, an heir. When I found out about this and he told me he was struggling to find the right candidate I... I offered to be his surrogate. He laughed it off at first but I conceived him, told him that I was the ideal candidate, we shared the same values and beliefs and we could make a strong child together. So... we did.

With lots of help from doctors to make our chances as high as possible, we did one round of artificial insemination, and 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant... with you.

At first I was indifferent to the pregnancy, Goddard was thrilled of course, he was going to have his heir. 

I didn’t start feeling anything about the pregnancy until I was four months, and saw you clearly for the first time at an ultrasound, I could see your hands and feet and see you moving around inside me, and I got to hear your heartbeat. That’s when I started forming a bond with you and becoming attached to you.  I tried so hard not to, tried to remind myself I wasn’t your mom just doing Goddard a favor. 

But then... then I felt you kick for the first time and you responded to my voice, and I just felt this huge rush of love for you that was so beyond intense, I couldn’t believe it, but again I tried to push those feelings away, not because I didn’t love you but because I did love you and I knew it would hurt like hell to hand you over to Goddard, if I bonded with you. 

I couldn’t stop myself though, how could I when we were together 24/7, I felt your every move and shift of position, you heard everything I heard, ate everything I ate, went everywhere I went, it was impossible not to bond with you.

Throughout my pregnancy Goddard was always raging on about what a prodigy you would be and how you would be the best Scythe in the world, and would carry on and uphold his legacy. 

It was when I was 8 months pregnant that I had enough. Goddard took me to a mass gleaning at a Tonist Cloister, as a way of saying thank you, for carrying his child for the past 8 months. Looking back now I of course know how obscene and evil that sounds, but back then I thought nothing of it. 

During that mass gleaning Goddard started spouting his usual crap about how his reign would never end, and that you would carry on his beliefs and values, uphold the New Order and would show no mercy to The Tonists either. 

And then... then I just snapped and before I could even fully comprehend it, I had my knife in his heart and he was dead again.

I told the Tonists to tell everyone that unsavories had killed Goddard and burned his body, and I threatened to glean them if they didn’t. 

After that I got straight into a public car intent on getting as far away from MidMerica as I could, I was thinking of leaving the Mericas altogether, but then I had this awful pain in my stomach and then my waters broke. The stress of the day put me into labor.

The rest you know, I had you in MidMerica, and the moment I held you and saw you I knew I couldn’t be Scythe Rand anymore, that I had to get you away from The Scythedom and those who would expect you to be just like Goddard.

So I changed my name back to my birth name, cut my hair, put on street clothes and with just you, and my robes and ring in a bag, I left for Texas where I would be off-grid, and I had your dad revived.

Like I said, the rest you know.” 

Unsurprisingly there is a tense silence in the room for a few minutes, before Alex finally speaks up. 

“I... I’m glad you’re not Scythe Rand anymore.” He quietly says, surprising his mother who expected him to rage and yell and tell her he hates her, etc. 

“Me too kid, me too.” She says, reaching out to squeeze his hand lovingly. 

“so... you really did a total 180... because of me?” Alex asks in an unsure tone, hardly able to believe that he had such a great impact on someone. Olivia nods. 

“I did, I wanted to give you your best chance at life and I knew to do that, I would either have to change my ways or place you for adoption, and there was no way I was letting you go, so I chose the other option and changed, I destroyed my ring when you were a month old and the last person I ever gleaned was Goddard.” Olivia explains. 

“So... does this mean Goddard is my biological dad?” Alex questions, tilting his head to the side. Olivia shakes her head. 

“No, it was your dad’s body, with Goddard’s head. Your dad’s name is on your Birth Certificate and he is your biological father, but if Goddard were alive today he would probably have legal rights to you.” Olivia sighs, grateful that she doesn’t have to worry about Goddard showing up and taking Alex from her. 

“Mom, can.... can we go to Midmerica for a while? So I can see where you’re from and where I was born and suppose to grow up, please?” Alex hopefully asks, looking at his mother with big and imploring brown eyes. 

Olivia is hesitant, she doesn’t want to be recognized by anyone in Midmerica, it’s why she never want back after Alex was born. However after a minute of thinking, she decides she can’t deny Alex this very simple request.

“Yeah, yeah of course we can.”

So a few days later the two of them board a train and head for MideMerica, completely unaware of the destiny they are about to face.

______________________________________________________________

Meanwhile in Midmerica, 16 year old Sophie Faraday-Curie accompanies her mother to the local museum in Fulcrum City, so Sophie can gather some information for a history project for school, and so her mother can gather some information she needs for a meeting with the other High Blades of the other regions of the Mericas. 

Sophie usually hates going out in public, because of all the attention she gets. As the first child born to two Scythes Sophie is pretty famous and despite her parents best effort to keep her out of the spotlight and give her an ordinary childhood and life, she is still recognized practically everywhere she goes, which results in a lot of staring and whispering from the people around her.

However when Sophie is with her mom or dad, people tend to stare less, they know how protective High Blade Curie and Honorable Scythe Faraday are of their daughter, and have no doubt either of them would not hesitate to glean anyone who upset or bothered their daughter, so it’s easier for Sophie to be out and about when she has one of her parents with her.

What bugs her the most is that technically she’s not actually the first child born to two Scythes, Honorable Scythe Rand had been due to give birth to Honorable Scythe Goddard’s child two months before Sophie was born, but after Goddard was killed by unsavories, a heavily pregnant Rand disappeared and no one has seen her or the baby she was carrying, in 17 years.

But non of that is really at the fore-front of Sophie’s mind right now, she is totally taken in by her surroundings the minute she and her mother step into the museum, there’s so much to learn and see and though Sophie has visited here often, there is always something new.

As she looks around her while walking toward the section she needs to go to, Sophie is not paying attention to where she is going and soon feels herself collide with something, or rather someone. They both immediately crash to the ground, Sophie cursing herself for being so clumsy and not looking where she’s going, while the other person yells in surprise. 

“Oh I’m so sorry! I’m such an idiot, not looking where I was going!” Sophie apologizes, pushing herself off the floor and holding her hand out to help the person she collided with, a young boy around her age with messy dark brown hair, light brown skin and wide and inquisitive brown eyes.

“No it’s okay I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going either.” The boy says, grabbing Sophie’s hand letting her haul him to his feet.

Before either of them can say anything else, Marie comes up behind Sophie holding a leaflet and smiling softly.

“Soph I just found some physical copies of the statement your dad and I put out to the world when you were born, it’s not very long but it’s got some photos of you as a baby that I thought you’d like to see.” Marie says in a soft, reminiscent tone, brushing her daughter’s hair out of her eyes, remembering writing this article with Michael like it was yesterday. It had taken them almost a week to write just two paragraphs because Sophie was so fussy and wouldn’t let them put her down for more than five minutes at a time.

Before Sophie can reply, a tall willowy woman with dark hair and pan-Asian leanings comes up behind the boy Sophie just collided with. She puts a hand on the boy’s shoulder and smiles at him, and is clearly about to say something to him, but before she can, Marie speaks up.

“Rand? Scythe Ayn Rand?” Marie gasps in disbelief, staring at the woman in front of her. She looks different from the last time Marie saw her, her long dark hair is now cut short to just above her shoulders, the black is streaked through with some gray and she clearly looks older, but she is still instantly recognizable. 

Olivia/Rand immediately pales and is about to put up a fight and tell Marie that she’s mistaken, but then she realizes she made a silent promise to both herself and Alex that there would be no more lying and no more keeping secrets. 

“Wait, are you High Blade Curie? High Blade of here, of Midmerica?” the boy asks in a tone of excitement. Marie smiles at his excitement. 

“Yes dear, I am." she softly says. She then turns her gaze to Rand/Olivia, her smile faltering. “I think we better have a conversation, Miss Rand. Sophie you stay here, don’t go anywhere.” 

“You too Alex, don’t wander off you don’t know the place and might get lost.” Olivia warns her son, before reluctantly following Marie to a quiet section of the museum. 

The two teenagers look at eachother in confusion, not quiet sure what to say or what just happened. 

“So... what’s going on?” Sophie asks a few seconds later. Alex shrugs. 

“Beats me. Was that your mom, the High Blade?” Alex asks curiously. Sophie nods. 

“Yeah, was the other lady your mom?” Sophie asks. 

“Yep, though her name’s not actually Ayn Rand, it’s Olivia Kwon.” Alex tells her. 

“My mom’s not actually called Marie Curie either, well she has been for the last 200 odd years, but her birth name’s Susan, Susan Goldie. I’m Sophie by the way, Sophie Faraday-Curie.” Sophie explains, sticking her hand out for Alex to shake. He grins and grabs her hand. 

“I’m Alexander, Alexander Kwon, but you can call me Alex.” They shake hands. 

“Nice to meet you Alex.” Sophie grins. 

“Likewise. Hey, so your dad’s super famous too right? What’s his name again, Fara something?” Alex asks, racking his brain for the name of the High Blade’s husband. 

“Faraday, Scythe Michael Faraday. Yeah he’s pretty famous too, my whole family is. My Aunt- well she’s not technically my aunt, it’s honorary but you know what I mean- she’s Scythe Anastasia, and my other honorary aunt, my Aunt Munira, she used to work with my dad when he was trying to find the founding Scythe’s fail safe plan, when Goddard became High Blade.” Sophie hurriedly tells Alex, always eager to talk about her odd yet interesting family. 

“And you’re pretty famous yourself, must be cool.” Alex grins. Sophie shrugs, shoving her hands in her pockets. 

“It’s okay I guess, it gets annoying when I go out in public and everyone recognizes me and stares at me in the streets and stuff, I don’t even know how they recognize me when I’m not with my parents, those baby pictures mom and dad put out when I was born, they’re the only pictures of me that have ever been published, and I never went to public appearances with mom or anything, and during Conclave, when I was younger I would stay with my Aunt Munira all day.” Sophie’s tone turns from sullen and irritated to bright and joyful in just a matter of seconds, despite the annoying fame and always being recognized, Sophie has had a perfectly happy childhood. 

Alex nods understandingly. 

“Hey I know our moms told us not to go anywhere but do you want to go grab a coffee or something in the café in the lobby and then come back here?” Alex asks, finding himself wanting to talk to Sophie more, be around her more. Sophie’s face lights up. 

“Sure! Hey, wanna bet? I bet you I’ll get recognized at least 3 times on the way to and from the café, and in the café. If I do, you pay for the coffees, if I don’t, I pay.” Sophie suggests, giving Alex a sly smile and looking around to make sure her mom isn’t in hearing distance. 

Alex laughs, liking Sophie more and more by the minute. 

“You’re on!”

While Sophie and Alex are talking and sneaking off to the café, Olivia is facing her worst nightmare, standing here in front of High Blade Curie having been recognized right away, with Alex off on his own with some random girl. Olivia is glad that Alex just came out to her as gay, otherwise she would worry that Curie’s daughter would break his heart. 

“I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” Marie tells Olivia, her tone firm and not much different to the one she uses with Sophie when she knows she’s been up to something she shouldn’t have been. 

“I knew I should never have left Texas.” Olivia sighs. “Look Marie, it’s a long story. The short of it is that when I was pregnant with Alex I started bonding with him and loving him, I didn’t expect to but I did_” Before she can finish, Marie cuts her off. 

“Of course you loved and bonded with him, he is your child, a child you were going to just hand over to Goddard and let him turn him into a monster!” She berates, which grates on Olivia’s nerves. It takes everything she has not to snap at Marie, she knows nothing about her situation or why she agreed to be Goddard’s surrogate in the first place.

“Oh don’t act all high and mighty like you’ve never made mistakes! I thought I was in love with Goddard, I just wanted him to love me back and I thought by having his kid I could do that, I never gave much thought to how he would raise Alex, not at first anyway. 

Throughout my pregnancy though I did start to realize what a stupid and selfish decision I had made, by the time I was 8 months along I knew I couldn’t just hand Alex over to Goddard, so you know what I did, Marie? I gleaned the bastard and I told the Tonists to spread that lie about him being killed by unsavories.

 I gleaned him and used his body to revive Tyger, the man I gleaned a year prior to bring Goddard back. But before I did that I gave birth to my son, alone and frightened, you had your husband with you when you gave birth, I had no one and for the first month of his life it was just me and Alex, and the minute I held him after he was born I knew I had to change, had to get away and give him the best upbringing I could, so I cut my hair, stopped wearing my robes, took nothing but one old pair or robes so nobody could trace me using them, my ring, my son and I left for Texas.

And it was the best thing I have ever done, I turned my whole life around for Alex and I gave him a fucking amazing upbringing, he’s an absolutely amazing kid and I am so proud of him and so goddamn honored to his mom.

So there, Marie, there’s your explanation.”  

Despite Olivia’s angry rant, Marie remains totally calm and levelheaded, as always. 

“That is all well and good Ayn, but a Scythe cannot just up and abandon their position.” She calmly says. 

“Well what was I suppose to do Marie, huh? I was 8 months pregnant with the future High Blade of Midmerica, I had just killed the current High Blade of Midmerica and I was totally alone in the world.” Olivia’s tone is turning tight and she is doing her best to hold back tears. 

“You could have come to me and explained your situation, I would have helped you.” Marie softly says. 

“No because I didn’t want Alex involved in the Scythedom as he grew up, I wanted him to have a peaceful and normal childhood, I didn’t want any of Goddard’s followers to try and influence him or tell him about the bastard who was at the time, his father. 

You have to understand, you’re a mother too, don’t act like if you were in my situation, you wouldn’t have done the same for you daughter.” At the mention of Sophie, Marie’s face and demeanor soften. 

“You’re right, I would do anything for my Sophie, if I had to go off grid to give her the best life and to protect her, I would.

I won’t tell anyone you were here or that you’re living in Texas, and I won’t tell anyone about your son either, I promise.” Marie tells her, unable to stay angry at her because she knows how she feels, she would do anything to give Sophie her best shot at life, luckily, though Marie’s pregnancy was a surprise it was a very welcome one, and she Michael were in a good position to have a baby and raise Sophie, but not everyone is so fortunate. 

_______________________________________________________________

Over the next couple of weeks Sophie and Alex remain in touch via social media and often hang out together, soon growing very close and become the very best of friends. 

One day, a month after meeting for the first time, Alex insists on taking Sophie for lunch to celebrate her birthday, and Sophie is thrilled to spend the day with him. After lunch they just ramble around town, and end up sitting on the steps to the library, enjoying the good weather and each other’s company. 

“So what do you wanna do after school? What job do you want to do?” Alex asks Sophie, leaning back on his elbows and tilting his head backward to look up at his friend who is sitting on the step just behind him, where there’s more shade, since she is not a fan of the heat. Sophie sighs. 

“The whole world expects me to be a Scythe, I am the heir to the MidMeircan Scythedom. I’ll be expected to drop out of school soon and start my apprenticeship, neither of my parents are by law allowed to be my mentor, but my Aunt Anastasia said she’ll take me on, she was mentored by both my parents at one point, so there’ll be elements of mom and dad’s training in there. 

But... the thing is Al, I don’t think I want to be a Scythe, I’ve learned a lot about the Sycthedom and how it works and I know the best Scythes are the ones who never wanted the position in the first place, but I know I’m never going to morally be able to be a Scythe. 

He doesn’t know it but sometimes I see my dad come back from a gleaning and he just... he breaks down crying, and my mom sits there with him and holds his hand and assures him he’s a good person and she loves him, and I don’t look down on dad for that, not one bit, but the thing is he’s always able to remind himself that he is doing a necessary task and doing it in the kindest way possible. But I don’t think I could ever do that, I’m not like my mom or dad in that way, I... I’m too empathetic and I could never know a moment’s peace as a Scythe.” By the end of her explanation Sophie has tears in her eyes and her throat is closing up, this always happens when she thinks about her future. 

“Oh Soph, it’s okay.” Alex soothingly says, pushing himself up one step so he’s beside Sophie and pulling her in for a hug. “Can’t you tell your mom and dad all this? They seem like really nice people, I’m sure they’ll understand.” Sophie sniffs and lays her head on Alex’s shoulder. 

“I could, and they would understand, I know they won’t be angry or anything, they’ve never raised their voices at me in all my life, they’re awesome parents. But... I’m scared they’ll be disappointed and I’m scared of how the public and the rest of the Scythedom will react, I’m suppose to be the first person to ever inherit the title of High Blade, if I step down from that people are probably going to be really really pissed off with me, no one can glean me obviously, I automatically have immunity as the kid of two Scythes, but still... I don’t want to be called to Endura and have to face the Grandslayers or something.” She tells him in a wobbly tone.

“Hey if anyone tries to mess with you they’ll have me to deal with, you’re my best friend Soph, I got your back no matter what happens.” Alex firmly tells her, pulling back from the hug so he can look her in the eye. Sophie smiles through her tears and squeezes Alex’s hand. 

“Thanks Al, I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

“So.” Sophie begins, wiping her tears away. “What do you want to do after you leave school?” 

“Well up until now I always thought I’d be an artist, I’ve always planned on going to art school and I still do, but I... I kind of want to learn more about The Scythedom and my past, in detail, not just what mom can tell me.

 But... I’m scared that my interest in the Scythedom means I’m fucking evil like Goddard, he loved gleaning, he was a serial killer not a Scythe. I know there’s no biological connection between him and me, but.... I mean he was around mom practically all the time when she was pregnant. She said that he would talk to me when she was pregnant, but instead of telling me stories like normal dads would, he would talk about what a great Scythe and ruler I’d be someday and how I would make him so proud and uphold his legacy and other crazy shit. 

What if... what if that impacted little fetus me, and affected my subconscious and now I am going to be the crazy evil dictator he wanted me to be?” Now Alex has tears in his eyes too. 

“Oh Lex, no there’s no way you’re like Goddard. You’re the sweetest, kindest and most wonderful person I’ve ever met, you used your savings to buy me a really nice birthday present when you’ve only known me a month, you took me out for lunch for my birthday, and you always listen when I need to talk. And I know you value life and care about others, unlike Goddard. Alex you literally won’t even harm a fly, the other day you cried because we saw a little kid get upset because they fell and scrapped their knee. 

You could never be like Goddard, Alex, never.” By this stage Sophie has taken Alex’s face in her hands to make him laugh, but also to make him listen to her and not get distracted. She wants him to know all this, and realize what an absolutely amazing person he is.

Alex laughs through his tears and playfully slaps Sophie’s hands away. 

“Get off me you goof.” He laughs, wiping at his tears. Sophie grins and lightly shoves his shoulder. 

“You love me really.” 

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

________________________________________________________________

The next day, after thinking about her conversation with Alex, all night, Sophie comes to a decision and asks her parents to talk, so she can tell them about it.

 “You’re going to hate me for asking this but I need peace of mind before we get into this conversation so I have to ask, are you going to tell us you’re pregnant?” Michael asks Sophie, after they sit down, knowing this will embarrass her but needing to know.

Sophie wrinkles her nose up. 

“No dad! I’m asexual, remember?” Sophie says in an exasperated and embarrassed tone. She had come out to her parents just last week and they were extremely supportive, and acted like it was no big deal at all, for which Sophie is very grateful.

Michael holds his hands up in mock surrender. 

“Just checking, I’m too young to be a grandpa!” Sophie gives him a ‘Are you kidding me?’ look. 

“Dad you’re like 300.” She laughs. 

“230 something actually, do I look old enough to be 300?” He asks, raising his eyebrows and making Sophie roll her eyes, no one else would believe that the legendary Honorable Scythe Faraday is such a dad and makes stupid jokes and comments to mess with his daughter.

“Yeah I can see why Aunt Munira told me not to listen to your jokes.” Sophie replies. “Anyway, can I tell you what I wanted to now?” 

“Of course dear, go ahead.” Marie encourages her. Sophie takes a deep breath. 

“Okay, so... you know how we were talking about me training to be a Scythe, the other day, with Aunt Anastasia, and how I got all those offers from other Scythes, offering to train me?” Sophie begins. Both her parents nod. “Well I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I talked about it with Alex and.... I don’t want to be a Scythe, I know the best Scythes are always the ones who never wanted to do it in the first place, but I won’t be able to live with myself if I become a Scythe, I won’t be able to deal with it like you guys and Aunt Anastasia. 

I would never be able to sleep at night if I gleaned someone, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. My life would a misery if I did. 

So... that’s it, I don’t want to be a Scythe and I don’t want to be High Blade.” 

Before Sophie can even take a breath after finishing her explanation, her mother is by her side and pulling her into a tight embrace, kissing her forehead while her dad puts his arm around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head. 

“We love you and support you no matter what.” Marie firmly says, cupping Sophie’s face in her hands. 

“You never have to do anything you don’t want to Soph, never.” Michael tells her in a loving but firm tone, squeezing her arm reassuringly. Sophie can’t stop the tears from welling up and running down her cheeks. 

“Oh my love what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Marie softly asks in a concerned tone, wiping at her daughter’s tears. 

“Because I’m scared.” Sophie says in a tight voice, feeling as though she’s 10 years old again and just woke up from a bad dream.

“Of what, did something happen, did someone hurt you?” Michael asks, his tone also full of concern and worry for his baby girl. 

“No, I’m scared the Scythedom and the public are gonna hate me for not becoming a Scythe and inheriting the title of High Blade like I’m suppose to. All my life I’ve known that the public and The Scythedom have this huge expectation of me to become High Blade, to become an amazing Scythe like you guys, but I can’t do that and now I’m scared everyone’s going to hate me, or that the Grandslayers are going to call me to Endura and punish me somehow.” Sophie sobs, the tears falling rapidly now.

“Oh my baby.” Marie swears she can feel her own heart breaking, as she pulls her daughter in for another hug. 

“Sophie we will never, ever let anything happen to you. Nowhere in the rules does it say that you have to become a Scythe and take over from your mom when she steps down as High Blade, that rule means that if you choose to become a Scythe, you will automatically inherit your mother’s position, but if you choose not to become a Scythe then another election will be held and someone else will be elected. 

The Grandslayers cannot and will not punish you, and if anyone tries to hurt you or say anything nasty to you because of this decision, then they’ll have your mother and I to deal with. We are not going to let anyone hurt you or force you to do something you don’t want to. 

This is entirely your choice and we support you all the way, we love you so much Sophie, and we will do absolutely anything to protect you.” 

Her father’s kind and reassuring words just make Sophie sob even harder and bury her face in his shoulder, when he puts his arm around her in an embrace. 

“I love you so much.” Sophie quietly says. Michael kisses the top of her head and rubs her back soothingly. 

“I love you too Sophie, more than anything in this world. You and your mother are the very best things to ever happen to me.” 

“Here.” Marie softly says, holding a tissue out to Sophie, as she lifts her face from her dad’s shoulder and leans her head against his chest. “Have a good cry if you want to sweetheart, don’t bottle it up.” Sophie nods and wipes at her eyes. 

“Thanks mom, I love you.” She sniffles. Marie smiles and kisses her cheek. 

“I love you too my sweet girl.”

After about another half hour, Sophie calms down but has totally drained herself from crying so much, so decides to go rest in her room for a while. Once upstairs she texts Alex almost immediately and tells him what just happened and how her parents are going to help her make an official statement to the Grandslayers that she will not be training as a Scythe and will not be accepting her inheritance of position of High Blade of Midmerica.

“Glad your parents were supportive, I knew they would be, you’re gonna be awesome at whatever job you pick, I know it.

I told mom my news too, about wanting to stay here in Midmerica for longer, and learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom and the life I could’ve ended up with, had mom not gleaned Goddard and gone off grid with me. She was conflicted at first, she doesn’t trust the Scythedom and is afraid Goddard’s supporters will try to influence me but I reminded her that I’m old enough to not be so easily swayed, and I’ve got lots of good examples of Scythes too. So she agreed. I dunno exactly how I’m gonna learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom, but I’ll figure something out.” 

After reading Alex’s text, Sophie is struct with an idea, one that she frankly finds ingenious. 

“I have an idea, a really good one. Come round to my house tomorrow at around 11.” Sophie replies. Then remembering she hasn’t told Alex her plan, she excitedly sends him a voice note, detailing her idea, and spends the next five minutes staring at her phone waiting for Alex to text back. 

“Sounds like a plan, see you tomorrow.” 

The next day it has just gone 11 A.M. and Michael and Marie are just back from grocery shopping, when Sophie appears in the kitchen doorway, grinning proudly to herself and looking like she’s up to something. 

“What did you do?” Michael asks in a suspicious tone, looking around for any sign of something amiss. 

“Nothing, can’t I just come say hi to my parents?” Sophie asks, still grinning ear to ear. 

“You can but you’re usually not this enthusiastic at this time of the day, if you didn’t do anything, you want a big favor don’t you?” Michael asks, knowing his daughter perfectly. 

“Maaayybbee.” Sophie admits. 

“If the favor is letting you skip school tomorrow the answer is no.” Marie tells her. Sophie rolls her eyes. 

“I asked once, once! Let it go mom!” She protests. 

“What is it then?” Michael asks, still suspicious of what Sophie is up to. Her smile brightens and she turns around and reaches out into the living room, before two seconds later pulling Alexander Kwon into the kitchen with her. Marie and Michael aren’t surprised to see him in their house, he’s Sophie’s best friend and comes around all the time, but what they don’t understand is what he’s got to do with Sophie wanting a favor. 

“Okay now I’m confused, what has Alex got to do with this?” Marie asks, wondering just what the hell her daughter is up to. 

“I have a proposal.” Sophie tells them, earning odd looks from both her parents. 

“Okay.... which is?” Michael asks. 

“Alex really wants to learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom, he’s interested in how it all works and what it would have been like for him if things didn’t turn out the way they did. .

So I was thinking that maybe you guys could teach Alex everything there is to know about The Scythedom, like you taught me? It could be like an apprenticeship except he won’t go to Conclave and there’s no chance of him being ordained at the end of it all, oh and obviously no physical training or tests or anything. 

So what do you say?” Sophie explains, now having wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, leaning against his chest, hugging him tightly.

Marie and Michael share a look. They can clearly see how much Sophie adores Alex, and they can’t deny she’s been so much happier since she met him and they became best friends, it’s so good for her to have someone who wants to be her friend and likes her just for her, and not her fame and status. 

It’s clear Alex is like the brother Sophie always wanted and asked for but never had. Marie and Michael do feel a bit guilty about not giving her a sibling, they would have loved to have another baby and even discussed it when Sophie was 1, but decided that ultimately they were far too busy and their family felt absolutely perfect with just the 3 of them.

Marie is the first to speak. 

“You really know how to argue your case Sophie, there’s no way I can say no.” Sophie and Alex’s faces both light up. 

“Thank you so much, Your Excellency, I promise I’ll be the best student you could ask for!” Alex exclaims. 

“Marie’s right, you’re a hell of a speaker Sophie, just like your mom. If it’s alright with your mother, Alex, then we’d be happy to teach you.” Michael calmly says. Sophie and Alex share an excited look and share a quick high-five. 

“Thank you, your Honor, thank you so much I swear you won’t regret this!” Alex promises. 

“Come on, lets go make sure it’s okay with your mom.” Sophie says. tugging at Alex’s hand. He nods, but turns to Marie and Michael before he goes. 

“Thank you again, so very much, it’s going to be an honor to learn from you both.” He says, then tentatively holds his hand out for one of them to shake. 

“Oh don’t be so formal Alex.” Marie says, lightly swatting his hand away and pulling him in for a hug instead. “Call me Marie.” She insists. Alex smiles and nods, a little shocked at what just happened. 

He then turns to Michael, and goes to hold his hand out for him to shake, thinking he may be a little more formal. Michael just laughs and shakes his head before also pulling Alex into an embrace. 

“Welcome to the family, son.”

Special thanks to @i-love-side-characters for allowing me to use their idea of Sophie and Alex becoming best friends! I had so much fun writing about their friendship! 

[howlsentiment]

Chapter 1 - Another Day

*buzz buzz*

“Wake up buddy, it’s time for a new day” a dark sullen voice said.

*buzz buzz*

“We have business to take care of”

*buzz buzz click*

“I just need 15 more minutes, after fifteen more minutes exactly i’m sure I’ll wake up reinvigorated with the energy to start my day” the boy thought to himself. His world was now fading into a dark cloud as he started to doze off.

*buzz buzz*

“Breakfast is ready sweetie come and get some!” This time it was a much softer, kinder voice that greeted him. “If you don’t come down soon it’ll get cold!....or I’ll eat it all”

“Mmkaaay I’l be daown in won minet” the boy replied sleepily. He wasn’t going to be down in one minute. The boy wasn’t a spry one, but he wasn’t particularly lazy either. He just always had a hard time convincing himself that his bed isn’t where he should always be. He lay in his dark room which wasn’t of much note either. A computer and a few books is all that could really be seen around and a messy desk where rarely any time was spent because he much preferred the bed. He was a college loner, not because he was particularly awkward or because he was particularly ugly, but instead by choice. He was actually particularly liked by most people, especially it would seem so by the man sitting in his room with him.

“Get good sleep sleepyhead?” The boy nodded

“Alright good, you have another long hard day of work today, these spirits aren’t gonna pass on themselves”. This man was no man, he was death incarnate, some would say a grim reaper. It would seem this boy had a gift, ever since he was in middle school he started noticing that he could see the dead, and all at once he started noticing the strange man too. He didn’t know really what he could do with his power other than get picked on at school for being scared all the time. This made him become distant with his fellow classmates and thusly he started attending school alot less just to avoid interaction and found peace within himself...and this man

“You haven’t found me many ghosts recently i’ve noticed, have you been getting lazy ? If you get lazy you know I’d get angry, and you know what happens when I’m angry right”

The message was coming across loud and clear, his tight grip on the twined scythe and sunken eyes would strike fear to anybody in the world and fear that this day was his last, but to him, it was a wednesday.

After a good 5 or ten minutes he heard the voice come from downstairs again,

“I made chicken porridge!”

This time he did not hesitate. He hastily rolled out of bed, put on one of his 3 outfits that he cycles through and ran down the stairs. But as he approached the stairs he noticed he might’ve seemed too excited so as to not show how happy he was, he slowed down his speed as he descended the stairs.

“Good morning mom.”

“Good morning Sol, how come you couldn’t greet me with the same enthusiasm i heard when i told you i had chicken porridge for you?”

His mom was a kind soul, with nothing but love and warmth in her heart. Even though they wouldn’t always get along, she would always prioritized her son's happiness and safety in every situation. He’s always relied on her whenever he felt down, and even though there were times where he felt that he was taking advantage of her and maybe he hurt her feelings, she would never take it out on him, she would always just smile and tell him that everything was alright.

“Sorry” he smiled with the might of his 8am energy and repeated himself with a chuckle “Good morning mom, I hope you didn’t wake up too early to prepare this”

“Don’t worry about me sweetie, I never get sleep anyways” she smiled and snickered over the sink continuing to wash the dishes. “I’ve been noticing that you were feeling down so I wanted to surprise you with something nice this morning, you know, to kickstart your day a bit!””

He knew that was exactly what she was doing, and without a secondary motive to been seen from miles away. He knew by the way she prepared the meal. Rice slow cooked in the broth from the chicken in a boil with alot of nice chopped garlic with eggs salted perfectly finished with green onions. Everything he loved and nothing he didn’t. She didn’t even mention the lil sausages she prepared on the side to pair with the meal.

“You didn’t have to mom, I’m feeling alright. It’s just...you wouldn’t understand.”.....

….

….

Sol’s mom continued to stare at him as if she was waiting for something to emerge out of this awkward pause. Her kind eyes piercing through him as if they were daggers.

“...thank you mom”

“You’re welcome honey, and yes I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through, but I can still try to cheer you up” Her smile glowed even warmer as if otherworldly. “How’s school been for you hun?”

“Oh you know, math and books, and writing and pencils, oh and im drinking ALOT, like a WHOLE TON, and I’ve been partyiiiiing and oh yeah a whole bunch of drugs too”

“Ooooh no im sooooo scared, I would say that if I wasn’t happy that if this were true, you’d at least finally have friends to be doing the drinking and the drugging with”

“Well I have-”

“She doesn’t count” She said sternly, ending with a smile. Sol has had only one friend his entire life. Her name was Madison and they met at both of their lonely spots they would have throughout the school. At first they would just eat lunch silently distant from eachother, but one day when Sol noticed Madison didnt bring lunch, he offered part of his food because his mother would always overpack his lunches. And just like magic, a friendship was born.

“You have to get new friends, its not healthy to only have one friend, and you’re such a sweet person, I’m sure if you had the chance to talk to anyone they would become close to you immediately.”

“Oh sure here let me just get new friends, easy done, all I have to do is get over my crippling social anxiety and I’ll just BAM super popular kid COMING THROUGH” He said this a bit harsher than he intended mostly fueled by the anger he felt from feeling like such an inept person and as he looked over at his mom, he noticed her weakened disheveled look.

“I’m sorry mom, I promise I’ll try harder okay?”

“That’s my boy” She smiled and continued her work

Sol finished his and went over to put the food bowl away and help his mom.

“What are your plans today mom?”

“Oh the usual, clean, watch some TV, go on a walk, maybe spook a few neighbors along the way oooOOOoOOoooo”

Sol chuckled, “Don’t spook them too much, they’d want you to keep ‘haunting’ them instead of me” A big grin spread across his moms face and she just said

“You know I’d never leave you, you’re my precious child”

“I know mom, I know”

After they finished washing the dishes he went upstairs to pick up his backpack and the man was still there waiting patiently.

“Did you save me anything?”

“Fuck off”

“Woah woah woah language mister. I don’t know how you think you’ll help all these spirits pass peacefully with a mouth like that. Tut tut, did your mom teach you those words?” The man said.

“Yes actually she did” The boy continued the get together his things to get ready for school. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone.”

“Why do you insist on helping these people? They’ve never helped you”

“I’m not Helping anyone, it’s just easier not to deal with people’s sad emotions...and ghosts are annoying”

He finished packing up his bags and ran back downstairs.

“Goodbye mom ! Don’t spook the neighbors too much!” He said hurriedly running through the door.

“Sol you forgot this !” His mom runs out to the half indoor sol and hands him his lunch.

“Mom I’m an adult, you don’t have to pack me lunch all the time I can just buy it” He looked embarrassed at the school lunch with a big heart drawn on top of it.

“Once you have friends to get lunch with we can talk.” She said with another one of her smiles. She leaned over to give him a kiss on his forehead but as she went for the kiss,

She passed through him.

“Oh right, I forgot that I can’t do that anymore” She looked as if all her strength was sapped out of her, and joy leaked out of every crevasse in her body leaving just an empty husk.

“Yeah, if you keep doing that you’re gonna undo all the dak-juk did” sol said light heartedly to lift the mood. This did not work.

“Sorry” She looked sadder than ever, that bright beautiful smile was not replaced with a grey and muted one as if she was seeing her whole life work collapse infront of her. Seeing how upset she was, Sol kissed two of his fingers, and placed it on his forehead. This did seem to work and some of her glow was restored in her eyes.

“See you mom” He said with a grin, “Spook the fuck out of our neighbors for me”

“Language!”

[pokefanbri]

For you.

Nomatter our storms, I glowed bright while with you, so much that I'd do anything for you, even take a bullet. I know you glowed around me too. My heart felt vibrations it never knew it had. But now I dont just glow, I burn brighter than a thousand suns & for myself. But dont forget the light I shined into your life. When you needed me most, I was always there. To not be that for me, well..the way things were left should've shown me you were never willing to have my back in return like I always suspected. Something broke in you, early on it was though you were lost, not the same, different than the spontaneous romantic man that I used to know & boredom of me set in quick. My light dwindled thereon but I still shined it on you anyway. Depression can affect so much i know, dont let it, but if it does take a stand & do something differently to help the situation at hand

Sweetheart you broke my spirt, I trusted you not to hurt & let me down. I was unacceptable to you, but i accepted you. No girl deserves that treatment to their heart. You may guard yours til you find what your looking for, but 1st find what you're missing, know how you affect, actually care about a girls feelings & yes even more than your own if u wanna make her happy. Love is when you go out of your way to make someone happy..its feeling happy with someone by your side..but u lost that.. your light.

Thats all i did & making sure you were was a full time job...u lost interest anyway, but you didnt care about mine as much...my happiness was everything to do with you babe...you're all i had up there. What would happen if i did go to work then, would u go behind my back with some1 else or wait for me to come home with backrubs at the ready? actually fucked my life up because i trusted you when I shouldn't have, & didnt have to result to that all either 😔 Dont hurt a girls heart for the sake of protecting yours, from ever being shown. You expect someone to do anything for u out of love, expect them to listen of your promises of love but then cannot deliver the same.

Why do you hate me my love, what did i ever do to deserve an unjust chance with you at all. Why did you try to be with me if you weren't expecting love to happen. Ive never met someone so heartless toward someone else's. Love knows no bounds, apparently you do.

This is extremely important. Sweetheart the more you hold back, the more it makes it so much harder to find...Believe that. Your heart needs vulnerability so you can feel it. God if u felt the way do..in any relationship really, your heart might beat for the 1st time. Its a bizarre & great feeling cuz u just know, its the heartbreak that follows which hurts so much.

You treated me like i was a bad influence after things were said & done, made me out to be the bad guy, but I wasn't at all. I was damn good to you babe 😔 I deserve to be treated fairly. But the more i was ignored, the more my health was low. You affect me in a good way, but also in a way that was destroying me. 90% of my sobbing was over you not being there for me.

My point is, dont ever let someone down again, do not betray them, do not treat them like you do a random on xbox, sympathize & relate, be more accepting of others. Be better for their sake & your own. Open your heart..even if you guard it to not be hurt..thats just part of the experience.

It killed you to be alone before, you're right back where you started...and now I'm in the same boat. As much as i should hate you I can't, cause nomatter how much you hurt me or hurt eachother...the limitless forgiveness I get from God, our experiences & kindness together and just the shitty timing of 2020 prevents my heart from pushing you out completely.

If I could have the "if we were still alone with no kids & tired of the bs at age 35-40ish" pact with any best friend, id reserve it for you babe hands down. You are best guy friend afterall, whether you consider me one idk. And if u ever want dating advice & whatever help u need regarding a relationship, im here to give any encouraging advice ❤

Few last words. I found the broadcast of her memorial & sat with undivided attention, was like I was at church again 😊 loved the welcoming warmth. Saw you speak, heard what you said, you spoke well but were so sad i wanted to hold you & take your pain away 😥 I broke down as I sit there thinking of your grandma & how I would've loved to meet her. I was praying..speaking to her as if she were listening & ofcourse about u, praying for u & asking for her God & all my passed loved ones to lay their hands on me & pray with me. A breezy chill ran up my spine & I calmly paused...but then i continued to cry even harder & fell to my knees, i know I was heard. Hope u dont dismiss my heart to heart writing if u find them. I give great advice..somewhere in all the nonsense 🤔 jk. That scar on my left leg from your basement steps 😂 you left your mark on me in that way as well, you'll always be a part of me. Ive continued my progress from up there, I began to change the things u didnt like but kept going after things ended. I've quit smoking & feel/look better than I have in ages..whilst still keepin u in mind, I have you to thank 100%. U know how much of a dick you are lol knock it off. U best not turn into a bitter old man rather than sweet as sugar. Accept her, eachother at your worst, & she'll be the best...& you'll be the best for her too. Hope you grow & get to experience true mutual love 1 day. Nobody will take care of your needs if u simply don't for them.

You were an awesome & beautiful waste of my time. Let 2021 be hopefully different & less shitty for us both. Protect yourself & stay safe out there. Pray to God everyday & ask for healing. You're definitely a Trip to remember, see u around someday friend

I have nothing else to say.

❤👋

https://open.spotify.com/track/1uviKYHZuM4uINK33F7sCt?si=XMEoUDe3RKOYk4z4HuYO9Q

[itslexthemess]

this is a story everyone needs to read

This might be a lengthy post but it’s worth the read and you might able to relate what I am going through. 

Today, something happened that will forever change my life. I’ve never felt so guilty, alone, and hopeless. 

Zachary you might be reading this at some point, but that’s ok because this is how i feel deep down to the core of my soul.

I met this man Zachary I am referring too back in 2013 I believe. I never would’ve thought he would eventually end up to be the absolute love of my life. We met at this restaurant I used to work at as a food runner. I was running out food to the back bar, which is where he was sitting and I instantly noticed he could not keep his eyes off me. I stared back as well, and the intensity of eye contact so powerful I almost dropped a plate of food on a guest that I was delivering to. He ends up coming back to the inside section at the restaurant where I was working and he said “I just want to let you know, that you are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” After those words were said, it was pretty much over from there. I have met the one I’ve been looking for.

Zachary gets up to cash out his tab and leave and darts out the front door. I stopped everything I was doing and ran outside to the parking lot to chase him to give him my number. 

We kept in touch often, but not as much as I would’ve liked. For three years after my first encounter with Zachary I was battling a deep demon of heroin addiction. He knew that I had a problem but he didn’t care he was persistent and he knew what he wanted. I didn’t give this man the time of day for those whole three years. 

On August 22nd, 2016 I was found overdosed from heroin and had almost no pulse by my mother in her home. Paramedics revived me and I was in the hospital for almost two weeks due to kidney failure and lack of fluids. I also lost feeling in both legs which prevented me to do pretty much anything. I also had lost my hearing completely in both ears. My parents have had enough and shipped me out of state to Utah. 

Meanwhile, this man is texting me while I’m at the hospital, when I get home, When I am at the airport and then some. He was constantly checking up on me almost every minute of every day. At this point in 2016 it’s been three years since I've met this man and we’ve never met up or made a plan to see each other, but we always managed to stay in touch. 

I get out of treatment and move into a halfway house. Zachary and I immediately start building this type of bond where we couldn’t stop texting and calling each other. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We finally went out on our first “semi-date” he met up with me and a guy I knew from Alcoholics Anonymous that just got a new bike and wanted to test it out. Zachary pulls up in a nice CBR 600RR (for those of you that don’t know, that would be a crotchet rocket) We went on a nice ride, it was a beautiful night and I felt almost as if I was floating. 

He then took his left hand and interlocked his fingers with my right hand. I had butterflies in my stomach so bad I felt as if I was going to fall off the back of the bike. We then went back to my halfway house where he dropped me off, he gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and waited until I get inside safely. Our next date was a week later and we went to the beach on a perfect breezly night. I had a minor cold at the time so I really wasn’t feeling well, but I didn’t care I just wanted to be next to this man every chance I could get. 

I started telling him about myself and my experiences and he continues to open up about his previous life back up in Pennsylvania. He looks over and says “I really want to kiss you right now, and I don’t care if you get me sick. It will be worth it.” I lean in and I seriously felt like we were floating on the beach on top of the waves. I felt my body just start sinking in the sand and my shoulders drop with all my muscles starting to relax. Nothing else at that very moment mattered to us, nothing else would’ve made this moment any better. It was like we were a puzzle piece that’s been waiting for the right match, and the pieces fitted together perfectly.

One week after this date, he moved me into his house with his parents. Both of his parents were very welcoming, very loving, and accepting. Zachary told them that he loved me so much that either I was moving in or he was moving out and going back home. They decided to let me in, and from there on out it was a true love story. I spent every single day with this man, I slept every night in the same bed with this man, I spent holidays, birthdays, celebrations, everything with this man. We were a power couple and nothing could tear us apart. We were inseparable and the best thing was, we never got sick of eachother and the sex was always amazing. 

Long story short, drugs and alcohol got involved into our relationship and became and everyday need for us. We were broke working almost 40 hours a week, making a lot of money and going absolutely nowhere in life. 

Although, at this point we’re together 2-2 and a half years. I am working full time and he’s working overtime. 

This is what hurts me the most about this whole thing and how our relationship was and still can be. I used to come home from work, and he would be sitting there in bed with our 85 pound dog Ranger (who I love with everything) with a fat ass joint ready to smoke. He would have a show we were watching on together, or a movie he picked out that he thought we would like. I miss that he could order food online ANYWHERE and never had to ask me what I wanted because he already knew what I liked. He used to say certain things to me just fucking around and then quickly say what I literally was just about to say before I could even say it. He used to have iced coffee ready for me in the morning as soon as I woke up on the weekends when I had to work early. I miss us traveling to Miami, Daytona, Tampa, West Palm Beach, everything. We used to get trashed and have a great time just the two of us and get a hotel room for the night or two nights. We would get on Ps4 online and play with a bunch of people on Call Of Duty and play for hours, we even had matching headsets. We were just two, in love, happy soulmates that always wanted to have a good time. 

His father passed away, and I left him because I think or thought he was cheating on me with someone from back up north. They ended up selling the house here in Florida and they moved back to Pennsylvania. We were together for two and a half almost three years and we’ve been trying to make it work because we do love each other. I had to cut him off a few weeks ago because it started to get toxic again. He’s reached out to me today multiple times in a row, so I knew something wasn’t right. 

He attempted suicide and took a picture of himself while doing it and sent it to me. I didn’t hear from him for three hours. He is in the hospital currently, and I am praying they can give this man the help he needs. My heart is absolutely broken and the amount I love I have for this man is beyond description of words. I am so emotionally distraught that all I know what to do is either cry or just sit there in silence.

I love you so much, and I am so glad that someone came and saved your life. I can’t have you leave me here. I need you, we need you, our child one day needs you. I want my Zachary back, please baby. Come back to me. 

[themadlostgirl]

Not Dead Yet (Part 70)

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warnings: language

“I don’t see how this will help my situation.” Peter grumbled as we waited on the shore. It was early in the morning. I hated to get him up so early when he should be resting but this needed done sooner rather than later.

The Jolly Roger was waiting in the lagoon. The long boat made its way towards us. I had dropped by last night after talking at length with Peter and told Hook to come to the island. Alone. No weapons. No surprises. We needed to talk. That was it. He was also to bring the lantern Peter had enchanted years ago with him.

“Good morning, Killian.” I greeted him as he stomped through the wet sand towards us.

“May we skip the pleasantries and get to the point of this meeting?” he snapped.

“If I were you I would be nicer to us or did you forget exactly what we can do?” I smirked and he glowered.

“Morning,” he muttered, “What do you want?”

“Always so pleasant.” I sighed. “We’re here with a gift, captain.”

“I’m not interested in any kind of gift you two threw together.”

“I think you might once you see it.” I held up a magic bean. “Interested now?”

“You need an errand?”

“No.” I stepped closer to him. He made to draw his sword but only grabbed air where the hilt should be. “This isn’t a game or a joke or a job. We’re letting you go.”

He eyed the pair of suspiciously. “No. It’s too easy.”

“I understand why you don’t trust us. There isn’t anything to trust. But I swear this isn’t a trick.” I dropped the bean into his hand and curled his fingers around it, “You and your crew are free.”

“Why? Why now? Why’d you want me to bring the lantern?”

“We’re bored of you. No point in keeping old drunk pirates around anymore.” I shrugged, “As for the lantern, that is for your benefit. A final assurance that we mean what we say. You’re not in our employ anymore.”

I grabbed the lantern and handed it to Peter. He waved his hand over it and the constant flame that alerted the captain to where we need him finally extinguished. “There. You gonna leave now?” Peter said.

Hook looked between us, the lantern and the bean before turning around and heading back towards his ship. “Feel better?” I asked Peter.

“Physically or mentally?” he dropped the glamour he had been keeping up. He was still weak but there was some more life behind his eyes.

“We agreed this was for the best. No unnecessary magic.” I looped his arm around me, “Now that that is over with let’s go back to bed.”

After Hook left things got better. We continued to cut out any uses of magic he didn’t need. No teleporting, healing, lighting fires, and the like. We were no longer bringing boys to the island since Peter’s shadow on the island gave him more energy. Most days he would sleep in the highest branches of his Thinking Tree. Felix and I were keeping the boys in line while he was resting. Peter was looking much better and wasn’t puking up blood. Even the island seemed to be healthier. The fruit was riper and the skies were clear.

The only problem was strangely Peter himself. As well as he’s been doing he has been so incredibly annoying. Staying in his tree and resting and having to walk everywhere and do everything manually was driving him crazy. He wanted to run and have fun but if I caught him over-exerting himself I was able to firmly guilt him back into cooperating.

I wasn’t proud of using guilt to keep him complacent but there was no other way. I’d see him at the training grounds trying to fight with one of the boys and we’d get into a fight about it. He’d insist he was feeling better and that I wasn’t in charge of him and to stop bothering him. Then I would apologize and say I was just being overprotective because I’m scared that I’m going to lose him and suddenly he couldn’t wait to go back to his tent and sleep.

Was it cruel? Maybe. Was I actually being too protective? Probably. But I stood by it.

We were sitting in the camp. For over a week now I had gotten Peter to not do any training and simply rest. He was looking great for it but the boy I loved wasn’t around anymore. He was so subdued. It was like he had given up on trying to be mischievous and it wasn’t right.

“Hey Peter,” I pulled him back so his head was resting in my lap, “You wanna do something?”

“Like what? Take another nap?” Even his sass was dulled.

“No,” I kissed his forehead, “I was thinking something else?”

“Were you? Sure I’m not too weak and fragile for something like what I’m sure you’re thinking?” a smirk started to tug at his lips.

“And here I would have thought you’d like something to do.” I sighed heavily, “I guess I was wrong. Suppose we’ll just stay here and I’ll placate all my bundled up energy and clawing need by playing with that mess you call hair.”

“Wait a second--” he tried to speak but I put a hand over his mouth while the other combed through his hair.

“It is a cross I will have to bear but I will do it. For your health and the good of Neverland I will not--ugh! Did you lick my hand?”

“You wouldn’t let me talk.”

“But talking takes so much energy.”

“Wanna know what takes more?”

“I’m sure you’re gonna show me.” I chuckled as I continued to play with his hair, “You should really think about combing this mane once in a while.”

“Like a lion mane?” That devious little grin was back and my heart started to race.

“Oh yes,” I bit back my own grin as we started shift. “As wild and as messy as a lion.”

He reached to grab me but I was quicker. We were both on our feet. The playful gleam with a hint of lust was back in his eye. There’s the Peter Pan I know.

“You know how this ends, pet. Best not make a big scene of it.”

“Not a chance. You live for it.” I bolted into the jungle.

“Come back here! The king wants to play!” Peter shouted as he tore after me.

“Do not start calling yourself the king of Neverland again.” He blinked in front of me and caught me easily. “Ahh! Peter!”

“You dare defy the king?” he said with a look I knew all too well.

“Peter no, don’t you dare--” he started to tickle my sides. I burst out laughing and pushed away trying to escape but he just held me closer. “Quit-Quit it!” I was able to blurt out.

“Never! You defied the king!” he laughed. I lost balance and we fell to the ground. His hand slithered underneath my shirt. I quieted down as he stopped tickling me and instead started to kiss me.

“Is this also because I defied the king?” I chuckled lightly.

“No,” he touched his nose to mine, “This is for being my queen.”

“You are such a sap.” I rolled us over so I was on top and slid his shirt off him. “A very attractive sap.”

“You know it.” he pulled me closer so I was pressed flat against him.

“Actually…” I sat back up and he whined, “I’m not sure you deserve this. You did use magic when you shouldn’t have after all.”

“Pet, you’re killing me,” he groaned.

“You’re killing you, chief,” I smirked.

“Yeah yeah, come here!” he yanked me back down to his level. I let a small squeal escape before his mouth was on mind and suddenly I didn’t care about the use of magic or the timer on his life. I wanted this too. So of course it had to end almost immediately.

“Is there anytime you two aren’t going at eachother like a pair of jackrabbits?” we heard a voice remark. We looked over and saw Tink standing in the pathway with various plants loaded in her arms.

“Hello Tink,” I sat up straight, “What brings you to our neck of the jungle?”

“And can it please wait another fifteen minutes?” Peter growled at her.

“Since when do you need more than ten?” I smirked and he pinched my side.

“Horny teenagers, please, focus for a moment and listen to what I have to say.” she rolled her eyes, “It’s important and regards a certain someone not dying within the next couple months.”

“What is it?” I climbed off Peter’s lap, “What did you find?”

“A potion. Very old magic, it might just be myth but it could keep dying boy here alive for a good many years if made correctly.”

“How’d you find this?” Peter had pulled his tunic back on and was now standing with me. “I know all sorts of magic but none like a potion that could stall my curse.”

“Like I said it is very ancient sorcery. So much so that it might not even be real. I thought it may be worth looking into though. What else do you have to lose either way?”

“Fine, what do we need for this potion?”

“There are quite a few ingredients I’ve already found here on the island but others are going to be harder to acquire. It will take time and a lot of hard and precise work but I think we may have a way to stall your curse.”

“This is great!” I hugged Peter, “We’re going to save you!”

“Hopefully so,” he looked back at Tink, “What are the ingredients?”

“I wrote out a list. You should be able to find them all in the Enchanted Forest.”

“There’s no time to lose then.” I grabbed the list in her hands. Scanning over it I knew that this was going to be a laborious task. If it could save Peter though…

“I’ll get some boys on it right away.”

“Actually,” Tink took the list back, “I think Y/N should go.”

“Just me?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Why? Wouldn’t it go faster with an entire team?”

“Not necessarily. Very few know that Pan is practically dead already and sending out a team would raise a lot of questions I’m guessing you’d like to avoid. Besides, you’ve traveled far across the realms and the Enchanted Forest. From what I hear you’re prone to leaving the island for long stints of time so your absence wouldn’t be seen as irregular. If you want to keep the peace here as well as find the ingredients quickly, sending her solo is your best bet.”

“She’s right,” I nodded, “The boys are already on edge because of the disasters that have been happening as of late. Even if this potion does work, you’re in no state to handle a mass panic if they think we’re all going to die soon.”

“You sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“Do you actually believe that I won’t be? Peter, come on.”

“It isn’t just that,” he turned us away from Tink and whispered, “I said that I want you here. Now Tinkerbell comes in with an all too convenient plan that takes you away from the island for an indeterminate amount of time?”

“Peter--”

“Promise me that this isn’t some escape attempt you concocted to get away. You promised me you’d stay here no matter what happened. Please, Y/N, don’t disappear on me.”

I kissed him.

“This is not some plan I came up with to get away. I promised I’d be here and I will be. A couple of days scavenging the Enchanted Forest for some ingredients doesn’t equal forever. I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

“On your life?”

“On yours.”

He nodded. I turned back to Tinkerbell. “So, what am I looking for?”

(First) (Previous) (Next)

[themarchblessing]

ACERCA DE TU MADRE

COREY

Beating on Brian’s door I continuously made my presence known waiting to see how annoyed he would get.

“Yo come the fuck on man! It’s early in the fucking morning!” He bitched. The door swung back and so did his fist. I caught it before he could get too close to my face laughing at how tired he looks. “Fuck is so funny?” He groaned nodding me inside.

“Yo ugly ass face and that childish ass temper. It’s going on one in the afternoon mother fucker, what’s got you so dead?” I asked going straight to his kitchen. I grabbed an apple throwing it at him knowing he wouldn’t see it coming. I also grabbed one to eat.

“What kind of magic pussy got you glowing like a fucking rainbow?” He chuckled staring at me across the counter.

Shrugging like I don’t know what he’s talking about I ate the apple in silence.

“Nigga I know you. You’ve been getting some ass on the regular from somebody and you’re not telling me. You’re a good liar but you used to be better.” Brian and I had a stare down only to share a laugh toward the end.

“Leave me alone B. Don’t worry about the pussy I’m getting. Are you getting any?” I eyed him with an arched brow.

He nodded to his room and that’s when I heard movement and a girl talking. He silently told me to wait as he dipped off and shut the door behind him. I made myself comfortable with his food and his home. So to sum to all that’s been going on Lori and I have been fucking every other day for the past month or so. The sex hasn’t changed from the morning after we went out and neither has anything else. I think she’s got my head in the clouds. Brian was onto something about magic pussy. That exactly what Sabrina has. Magic, beautiful, mind blowing pussy. It’s so crazy because I never thought that my wildest dream could become true.

I’m not sure what it is that we’re doing. But selfishly I like it for what it is. She’s still my friend. But she’s also how I get my rocks off. Sex with her takes my mind off of everything else. The only thing I seem to comprehend is that I get to revel in the company of my family a lot more these days. It’s like that night at the club pushed us in the direction we’re in now. As happy as I am to have what we have now I still feel guilty that I haven’t been truthful with her.

Opening the message she sent me this morning after she left I scanned over it smiling at how corny she is.

Lori: I miss u and we were just up there not even five minutes ago, what have u done to me Corey Howard????

To Lori: dick got your mind running in circles don’t it? when you coming back to me?

“Well this is a nice surprise.” A voice said from behind me. I turned around seeing an old face.

“Wow. It’s good to see you again. What are you doing around these parts? How you been though girl?” Standing up to give Carli a proper hug I saw Brian coming out of the room pulling a shirt over his head.

“I've been good. Med school is kicking my ass but I’m making it.” She smiled proudly.

Holding my chest in shock I took my seat back on the couch. “Med school huh?”

Carli sat down in the single seater couch, crossing her legs and buttoning her sweater down. “Yep. By this time in May of next year I’ll officially be a licensed cardiologist. The workload is a bitch but I’ve come too far to quit. How have you been Corey? I see you haven’t let go of my dumbs ass of a boyfriend.” She snickered.

“Living the dream. Wait..did you say boyfriend? Don’t tell me he’s hitting it raw? You need to make him work it Carli.” Kicking my feet up on the table I opened my messages back up.

“Oh I make his ass work for it don’t you worry. Excuse me for a second.” She left the room just as Bri was calling.

“You are a real comedian.” She giggled off the bat.

“But I’m right thought. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Crossing my arm over my chest I listened to her move around.

“No nothing is wrong. I’m just so swamped with clients. I’m tired and I need a vacation. I can’t take Zay out of school but I need time to recoup, destress..” she sighed deeply.

“I don’t help you destress enough? I’m your personal physical therapist, psychiatrist and whatever the fuck else you need me to be aren’t I?” Sabrina laughed at my idiotic comment.

“Yes you’re all of those things Corey. I just need a change in scenery that’s all. I’ve got some vacation time I want to use. Can you getaway for a few days? If you don’t want-” Shutting her up I went to step out on the fire escape.

“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. When do you want to leave? Tomorrow?” I asked.

“Thursday. I need to get some things in order for Zay and arrange for him to stay with Ray’s mom. I don’t even know where I want go. I haven’t been on my traveling status like you big boy so I’m kind of rusty.” Making a mental note in my head I leaned on the railing welcoming the breeze.

“Come over tonight. Or better yet let me come over. We’ve been busting up my mattress a lot lately. I need a change in scenery too, we’ll figure out where to go then. Is that ok with you?” Looking behind me I saw Carli and Brian telling me to come inside.

“Okay, you can come home with me tonight. I’d love to have you in my bed. Oh baby I miss you so much.” I detected a smile over the phone that made me do the same.

“It’s a date then. Look I gotta go but call me if you need anything and I’ll see you later.” Stepping back inside I shut and locked the door.

“I’ll keep that mind.” We ended our call. Sliding my phone in my pocket, I followed these two out in the hall. I have no idea what we’re about to get into but I hope I get free food.

“Another round?” The waitress asked.

“Yes please, thank you.” Brian smiled handing her some money. Brian and I have been giving Carli a tour of our home since she’s not from these parts. I’ve been keeping close track of the time so I can make sure to pick little man up from school on time. I volunteered for this responsibility and I like it. It gives me the chance to spend time with my son and embrace that fatherly role head on. Izaiah having my middle name as his first is beyond heartwarming. When Bri confessed to me what Zay’s name is and the root of it I couldn’t believe what she said. Even with miles between us and a two different time zones, she never forgot about me. And to my knowledge Zay doesn’t know that little piece of information yet. Maybe Bri and I can tell him together when she’s ready.

The waitress came back to the table with three drinks, setting them down easily. “There you guys are.” She left with Carli and Brian downing their shots in seconds.

“What’s wrong bro?” Brian asked taking me of my thoughts.

“What?” I sighed checking my watch again.

“I’m gonna step out. I gotta check on my mom.” Carli left the table leaving us be.

“Corey? What’s the matter man? You’ve been in your head for a minute now. What’s up with you? Who’s fucking with your head?” The concern in my nigga’s voice reassured me that he still cares about my well being.

Running my hands down my face I set my phone on the table and decided it’s time to come clean. “Sabrina. And she’s not fucking with my head, she’s just fucking me. Real good too. I figured out a little while ago that that Izaiah is my son but I haven’t told Bri told yet and I’m scared to. She’s not a spiteful woman so I doubt she’d take my son away from me. But me coming forward about what I did seven years ago might really upset her. The last thing I want her to do is be mad at me but I gotta expect the worst.” Taking a breath I watched Brian flip through emotions while staring at me dead pan.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me get this straight. You have a son with Sabrina but she doesn’t know it? You have a kid? You two are fucking but you’re still just friends? What the fuck man?! Why haven’t you told me any of this my nigga? We tell eachother everything..I’m your brother..” Brian tapped his fist angrily on the table staring at me with curious eyes.

“You don’t think I know that? It’s all confusing even for me. But yes that’s all of it. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around all this ever since I met up with Eva to confirm what I’ve been hearing. You, my dad, the woman on the train and every stranger that’s commented on the similarities between that little boy and I were right. I know for a fact Sabrina hasn’t picked up on anything. My life has changed Brian. A lot.” I explained seeing Carli come back in.

“Damn. You have a kid? This shit is crazy. Am I gonna get to meet him?” Brian pulled out Carli’s chair for her.

Nodding surely I messed around with the liquor still not interested in drinking it. “Yeah you’re gonna meet him. I just need to get some things in order first. It’s just crazy man. I completely forgot about that night at her birthday. If Eva had never met up with me I would’ve never got the answers I wanted. I was drunk off my ass at Bri’s party, I found the place she was holding onto that nigga sperm and ended up replacing it with mine. Why? Because my stupid ass spilled everything and called Eva to help me out so I could switch his..you know with mine. That’s how it happened. It’s the craziest fucking story but it’s the truth.”

The look on Carli’s face when she sat down humored me. She came back at the wrong time.

“Can I ask what you guys are talking about?” She asked shyly.

“Um..how I unknowingly became a dad at a party seven years ago that I had no recollection of until recently.” I summed up in a nutshell.

“You’re a dad? Aw that is so cute. What’s he like? Does he look like you?” Carli cooed with her hands folded under her face.

Opening up my pictures I pulled one up showing it to her. She scrolled for a minute with a sappy ass smile on her face.

“He’s so beautiful Corey and I definitely see him in you. Congratulations, daddy.” She chuckled making us all do it too.

“Thanks Carli. He makes happy in a way I can’t even explain. And don’t get started his mother. Man..” I can’t wait to see Sabrina tonight. I can’t wait to kiss her, I can’t wait to hug her, I can’t wait to see her smile, and I definitely can’t wait to blow her back out.

“Is that a fucking smile at the mention of her name? Are you blushing? You said y’all were just fucking but you’re in love brother. You love her and don’t lie to me.” Brian leaned across the table staring me down intensely.

Pushing his face back jokingly I checked the time again. “Leave me alone. Hey I gotta go but y’all be safe and enjoy the rest of your day ok? I’ll holla at you later B.” Leaving money on the table I stood up and put my jacket on. “See you later Carli, good to have you back and take care of this fool when I’m not around.” I left the bar and caught a cab back to Brian’s to retrieve my car. I got in quickly heading towards the school thinking about the day I got arrested and Zay taken from me. That was not only embarrassing but it scared me shitless. I don’t ever want to see my kid taken from me ever again for as long as I’m living.  When I put two and two together that Nikole planted that coke on me I felt my soul yearn to make sure she gets hers. But just having Izaiah back with Sabrina and that whole incident put behind us made me think. I’m too old now and I’ve got way too much to lose over some heartbroken, bitter ex of mine.

The anticipation of seeing Zay tempted me to speed but I controlled myself so I don’t get caught up again but with a real charge this time. When I got to his school I parked close so he’d see my car. I stood outside hoping not to attract too much attention to myself. After that day I’ve been keeping a low profile from these nut ass teachers. I don’t want to hear shit they have to say unless it’s about my son’s safety, education, and well-being. Spotting Izaiah in a crowd of kids I waited until they cleared out to walk closer so he didn’t have to come this far alone.

“Hey! You made it!” He grinned throwing himself into me.

I hugged him back turning to bring him over to the car. “How was school kid? Anybody mess with you?” Opening the door I helped him inside to get settled for this drive. Before we go to his moms I want to stop somewhere first.

“School was okay and no. Nobody bothered me. How was your day?” He rebutted buckling himself in. Checking to make sure he was all straight I closed the door and jogged around to the drivers side, hopping in fast. I put the car in drive and took off towards the city to do a little shopping.

“My day was okay. I went to see a friend of mine and that was about it. Let me ask you something Zay..” looking in the mirror I was glad to see him fully focused on me. “Does your mom talk to Julian a lot? Does he ever come by the house at all?” I asked.

“No. I never see him that much. I don’t really like him. He makes me uncomfortable.” Zay scrunched his face up in disgust.

Trying not to laugh I jumped on the highway to avoid the street lights. Zay and I bugged out the entire ride. We talked about a lot too. I swear spending time with him is like a blast from my own past. He’s so much like me and doesn’t even know it. We touched down on 5th Avenue and once I found a parking spot I exited the car and went to get Zay out from the back seat.

“Where are we going Corey?” He asked holding onto my hand as we walked towards the other side of the street.

“Well little man I need to do what I call early Christmas shopping.” Stopping by a trashcan I bent down to secure the switchblade strapped to my ankle. I also had to make sure the strap in the back of my pants was covered. Keeping a firm hold on Zay’s hand I stood to my feet, guiding him to our first stop.

“Are we shopping for mom?” He assumed.

“Yes. Do you pay attention to your mom and what she likes?” I want to pick his brain to see what he’s picked up on with his mother. I want to know what she’s like when I’m not around. Based on my own history with her I know the types of material things she likes most. But does our son pick up on anything?

“She loves shoes and jewelry and purses too. She really likes clothes but I don’t know much about that. I help her pick out her new clothes sometimes when she takes me the store with her.” He said as we reached Saks. I opened the door and walked in behind him with my hand to the back of his head.

Going over to the counter I grabbed a woman’s attention who just got off the phone. “Hi there, how can I help you?” She asked.

“Yeah I called a few hours ago about some items I wanted put on hold for my wife.” I began. I looked down to see Izaiah looking around the store with curiosity radiating off of him as to what’s all here.

“Oh yes that’s right. What we’re calling about? I want to make sure we get you everything you need.” I went through the list of shoes and handbags I requested watching her head off to the back afterward. I also asked her to gift wrap each item too so Sabrina can’t see what everything is right off the bat.

“This is all for mommy? Why buy her so much?” Izaiah asked sitting next to me on the chair.

“I do this all the time for your mom Zay. She’s not the type of girl to ask for anything, she just works hard for what she wants and buys everything herself. She probably will never tell you this but we have a weird relationship. She doesn’t have to do anything, I just spoil her because I want to. I love taking care of her and getting whatever she needs and wants.” Seeing the woman come over to me with five boxes and two bags I met her halfway and took them off her hands.

“Your wife is a very lucky woman. Thank you so much for choosing us to bless her with these gifts, I know she will love them. And I’m so glad we could help you Mr. Howard.” She smiled.

“I don’t doubt that she will and thank you.” Turning around I saw Izaiah going over to the door to hold it open for me. “Thanks kid.” We walked back to my car so I could put these bags inside and afterward we went right back to another store. If there’s one lesson I can hopefully teach my kid it’s to treat the woman you care about with the highest level of respect. My dad taught me the values of being a man and how treat women. He told me to never let my woman forget how special she is to me. I’m always good with my words and actions but I like spoiling the women in my life if they’re worthy of it.

Sabrina and every other girl from my past got close to the same amount of treatment. If I’m treated how I’m supposed to be then I give it right back. If not, well fuck you. But for Sabrina, I’ll do anything for her. I always have. Her past boyfriends have all been jealous of me because of how close we were. We never fucked around back then. When she was seeing somebody I didn’t blow up her phone, stop by unannounced, or make it obvious that I took care of her in ways her niggas didn’t. I never made a pass at her. I came to her when she asked me to and respected every relationship she ever had before ours. The respect we’ve carried for one another while in and out relationships over the years has been equal. That’s never changed. She treats me nice so I return the courtesy back to her.

By the time Zay and I finished up going in and out stores it was after eight o’clock. I took him out to eat to take a weight off Bri’s shoulders. I do all that I can because I genuinely care about him. Nobody but my father, Eva, Carli and Brian know of his relation to me. No matter how long it takes me to come clean I’m going to own up to my responsibility as a father. I don’t need guidance on how to take care of him when it’s just us two. He tells me everything that I could possibly need to know about him as far as the basics go. Anything else I learn through Sabrina.

“That pizza was so good! I like mushroom on pizza now, thanks for the advice. Mom hates mushrooms so much so I don’t ever have to share that pizza with her..” Izaiah laughed as I pulled into Sabrina’s driveway.

“Oh yeah? I’m glad you liked it. You ate four slices of pizza boy how the hell did you manage that?” Shutting my car down I went around to the other side to get Zay out of the back.

“I had a lot of room for the food. What can I say?” He refuted, closing the door on his side. I took out all of the bags and handed some of the lighter ones to him.

“And I bet you’ll eat again if your mama asks you if you’re hungry won’t you?” Teasing him is so much fun.

“I just might. Did you call mom to tell her we’re here?” He asked as walked up to the front door.

“Yeah I called her. I hope she’s still up.” Pulling out my phone I told Zay to knock on the door while I waited to see if Bri would pick up the phone.

“I’m coming!” We heard her yell getting closer to the door. Sliding my phone in my pocket I looked at the sky seeing that it’s pitch black out. The door opened up and we were face to face with Sabrina wearing a bathrobe. Clearly we interrupted her. “Come on, I’m freezing.” She hid behind the door so we could walk inside. Zay sat down the bags he was holding by the door and shut the door behind us. “Where have you guys been? What is all of this?” She shivered closing her robe tighter.

“We went shopping. I missed you mama.” Zay ran to her, hugging her with a death grip.

“Aw baby I missed you too. I missed both of you. How was school?” She looked up at me and mouthed a ‘thank you’. Nodding, I walked to her room placing the bags on the floor by her bed. The scent coming from the bathroom peaked my interest. I went in to see that she was in the middle of setting a bath for herself. She’s got candles and incense burning. Even the oil burner is going to.

“Same old Sabrina.” I mumbled going back to her room. I took the blade out of my shoe, the gun from out the back of my pants and set them in the top drawer of her dresser out of Izaiah’s reach. Next I stripped down until I was comfortable placing my clothes on an empty chair.

Sabrina has a lot to open so to make this process easier I separated the boxes from the bags and lined them up across her bed.

“Thank you once again for picking him up.” She said from behind me. Looking over my shoulder I turned around to see her robe slipping from her shoulders.

Taking a seat on her bed I tiredly waved her over. She immediately hugged me, her robe fanning open. “Tired?” She slid her hands in the back of my shirt, rubbing my back and shoulders without me having to tell her I’m in pain.

Lazily I wrapped my arms around her waist, closing my eyes to block out any source of light. “Physically. How was the rest of your day?” I questioned, groaning at how amazing she is with her hands.

“Kind of hectic. I don’t want to talk about work ok?” She picked up my head and caressed the side of my face with care. “You’re staying tonight right? Like we discussed earlier on the phone?” The inquisitiveness in her face and voice clarified where Izaiah gets that trait from. Straight from the source.

Nodding yes I picked her up off the floor and onto my lap. Brushing some loose strands of hair from her face I silently counted my blessings for this woman in front of me.

“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something you want to tell me?” She searched my eyes back and forth tickling my sense of humor at how curious and concerned she is. Forever in her mommy role.

“No baby I’m fine. I just like looking at you. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real.” I admitted, kissing her exposed chest and neck.

“Mmm..” she moaned running her fingers through my hair. “Esto es real. Tú y yo. Entiendes?” She exhaled sinking further into my lap.

“I hear you. Where’s Izaiah?” Backing up to see her face again I removed the clip from her hair, placing it on the bed behind me.

“He’s in the bathtub. I told him I’d be back. Did you guys eat already? I wasn’t sure if either of you had.” She kissed my forehead saving my lips for last.

“Yeah we did. Did you?” I returned the concern and stood up to place her on her feet.

“Yeah I’m fine. Do you want to help Izaiah get ready for bed for me? It’d mean a lot to me.” She stared at me with pleading eyes knowing she didn’t really have to ask that.

“I don’t mind. Go finish getting your bath ready, I’ll come back when I’m done.” Ushering her off to the bathroom I left the room to see what Zay was up to. I found him sitting on the edge of the bathtub with his towel wrapped around his body. Knocking on the door he looked up at me hugging himself tighter. “You ok?” Going in I picked him up off the rim and carried him down to his room.

“Yeah I’m all done. Is mom taking her bath now?” He shivered laying his head on my shoulder. Cutting on the light to his room I went to his closet to find him something to wear to bed.

“Yeah she’s in there right now. What you want to wear to bed?” I helped him pick out something to wear and got him dressed. He’s now sitting in my lap messing with and examining my watch. I adore that he’s fascinated with the littlest things. Since I’ve only got one free arm I used my available hand to sort the his curls like Bri continues to tell me after he gets his baths. I don’t complain or argue with her I just take heed to the advice and follow through.

“Has she opened her presents?” Zay asked setting my arm down and holding still so I could finish sorting through his hair. I picked up the towel, being gentle with taking out some of the water so he doesn’t soak his pillows.

“Not yet. I’ll have her open them once she’s in bed. She needs to get off her feet first. Go find you some socks to put on.” Setting him on his feet I watched him open the third drawer from the top and pull out a blue pair of socks. I saw the words ‘San Diego Zoo’ written on the sole of each halve.

Zay climbed up on the bed and rushed to slide his feet into the socks with no second thought.

“Wait..” pushing the lotion in his direction I laughed at his frown as he removed the socks and put lotion on both feet. When he put the socks back on I heard Sabrina talking. I’m not able to make out what she’s saying but I know she’s talking to someone or herself. “I’ma go check on your mom ight? Do whatever you want but stay in here or else she’s gonna be nagging us at the same time about how you aren’t in bed. You understand?” Kissing the crown of his head stood up and stretched my limbs.

“Corey..”

Turning around I dropped my arms and shoved my hands in my pockets. “What’s up?”

“Thanks for taking care of me and my mom.” Izaiah stood at the edge of his bed outstretching his arms to pull me into him. “I love you.” He mumbled turning his head to the side so he didn’t suffocate in my chest.

“I love you too man. I always will.” We hugged for another minute separating to do our own thing. Leaving his room I walked down the hall thinking about what he just told me. I wonder how my parents felt the first time I told them ‘I love you’. I didn’t put any thought into wanting to hear Zay tell me how he feels about me. But now that he has I feel really good about the growth of our relationship. “Lori?” Pushing her bathroom door open I went to disturb her knowing she would just get freaked out.

“You’re not scaring me this time. I heard you come in. Izaiah’s in bed?” She asked curling her legs up to her chest tipping her head back to get a good look at me. I stood behind her looking at her face upside down.

“Yeah he’s in bed. I told him he can do whatever as long as he doesn’t leave the room. I hope that’s okay. Sometimes I don’t know what to tell him when he’s here because I don’t want go around whatever routine you usually stick with.” Getting down to her level I kissed her, holding the sides of her face.

“Don’t worry about that. We don’t have any established routine.” Sabrina ended her bath and took a shower with me where we got in one round since the water would help drown out any noise coming from her.  Once we were done I gave her specific instructions not to put any clothes on. I bought something from earlier that I want to see her in.

The bathroom door opened up and out came Bri wearing a different robe.

“Ok, what’s with the no clothes rule?” She instantly asked walking over to the bed, not bothering to sit down. I slid the smallest box over to her watching her open it and take everything out. This first box contains four different color lingerie pieces. I didn’t need any help picking these out from the associates at the store. I went around Bri to found out what size she is and found the perfect what they call ‘teddy’s’ for her. “Babe..why did you get me four? And how did you know what colors to get?” She looked in awe over everything.

“I just went with what I think would look good with your skin tone. Go put the black one on.” I suggested, reaching across the bed and separating the piece I want to see her in tonight. Sabrina hid out in the bathroom while I waited for her reveal herself. The door opened back up and I swear just seeing her in this is making my mind go to some dark places. “You like it or no? You can be honest Sabrina.” I advised standing up and walking over to her.

Grabbing her hand I spun her around in a slow twirl to get a good look at her. Damn she is one fine piece of ass. I mean that respectfully.

“I love it. It’s prefect and it’s surprisingly very comfortable for lace. You did good.” Sabrina patted my back, walking to the bed, going to open more boxes. I stood behind her just admiring the view. “Oh my goodness..look at this..” She exclaimed.

Breaking my stare of her ass I came to realize she was holding one of the purses up in the air . I never moved from this spot just so I can watch her open her gifts like it’s Christmas morning. When she had everything lined up across the bed she turned around to face me.

“Come here..” She hummed reaching for my hands. I closed our distance glancing at all that I bought her. “I love you so much you know that right?” She smirked toying with the hem of my shirt.

“I know you do.” I replied just to be a smart ass.

”Listen to me and listen to me good, I love you not because you buy me things, expensive things at that. It’s because you really know how to treat women Corey. Thank you for everything. I love the bags, I really love the shoes and this..” She touched the outfit she had on. “These are so beautiful. I just have one question though..” She yawned, taking my shirt up and over my head.

Dropping my arms I pushed her back to the point she was laying on top of her things. “What’s that?” I mumbled, lowering my body to trap her in place. I went straight for her neck attacking her warm skin with kisses. Sabrina has really sensitive skin so she can only use one kind of soap. I don’t know where she gets it from but I love that it smells like strawberries. And when she uses it, she smells like strawberries and vanilla. It never fails to turn on me now that I get to enjoy her on a more intimate level.

“How much?” She moaned, slipping her hands in between us to unbutton my pants.

“It doesn't matter. Hold that thought..” I groaned wishing I didn’t have to stop. Standing up on my feet I held onto my pants to run down the hall to check on Zay. Sabrina and I are still figuring out what we’re doing and that means Izaiah can’t see me pushing up on his mom. Let alone fucking her so we have to be careful at all costs. At least until we can figure out what to tell him. He was lying on his stomach sound asleep, snoring lightly. “Just like your old man.” I mumbled to myself. I cut his tv off, his light and left his door open a little so he’s not completely in the dark.

Quietly I went back to Sabrina’s room shutting her door behind me.

“I really really like this one..” She said closing a box. I turned to see her wearing a different outfit that made my dick jump. She chose the pink one that has no sleeves, all lace.

Locking the door I dropped my pants and threw them on the chair with my other clothes. “But pink isn’t your color though right? Tell another lie.” Laughing with her at the memory I closed in on her picking her up off the floor before she could do or say anything.

“Certain shades of pink don’t look good on me, that’s what I said.” She corrected herself as I laid her down with ease. Izaiah telling me that he loved got me thinking. About everything and what the future holds. “Hey..” Bri cupped my face in her hand with a serious look of concern on her face. “What is it now?” She sat up from underneath me, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“He told me he loved me. And I don’t know why but it kind of scared me.” Laying down next to her I tucked my hands behind my head watching Bri lean on me.

“Why?” She whispered.

“I have no idea. I know I probably shouldn’t care much but I feel like I’m lying to him about what we are. And I know that we haven’t figured out much but I think for his sake we should.” Lifting Bri onto my lap I relaxed and let her take charge doing whatever she wants.

Reaching over to her bedside table, Lori picked up a rubber band, tying her hair into a high ponytail. “We will figure this out ok, you and me. But in order for that to happen you need a clear head and that’s where I come in. So just relax, I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth unless you’re doing what I tell you. Entiendes mi amor?” She advised sternly.

I tried sitting up but she slapped both hands on my chest making me lay back. “Yes ma’am.” I groaned.

“That’s what I thought.” She smirked, stripping me of my clothes, throwing everything to the floor. She took her time warming me up for what’s coming my way. I never took my eyes off of her. I barely flinched at the feel of her nails tickling my inner thigh. My dick in the comfort of her mouth is the perfect start to a wonderful night.

[futurewriter2000]

Standing up ~ Part 1

A/N: Requested by the lovely @thebookwormslytherin. I know it took like two months or a month...but um I needed to perfect it and rewrite it so many times. And there will be part two coming out, probably sooner than this one. Almost got deleted and I almost died. But now it’s cool. Oh and I don’t write smut.

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x reader

REQUEST: Could you please do a Draco x chubby reader where reader is really sad due to her family since her relatives always taunt her on her weight and her friends also tease her but draco makes her feel better?? A bit of smut if that would be ok with you but if you are not comfortable, you don’t need to write smut at all.

TAGS: @shadyladyperfection, @geeksareunique

(Gif not mine but damn Tom looking good up there. Fucking love the guy.)

Xx

Holidays. Something so amazing yet so insufferable. You loved the holiday, especially the winter ones. They brought you so much joy and so much winter spirit.

But usually that joy and winter spirit was taken away. Why? Because having chubby legs, flappy arms and not having a flat stomach was the main theme during the family dinners. You were always the subject of the evening. You kept losing your apetite every time someone said ‘Are you sure you want that much?’ or ‘Eat slower, the food won’t escape from the plate.’ One of your favorite was always ‘No you can’t have that or you’ll get even fatter.’

Holidays. They were nothing else than just days spent on judging you.

Today was first day after the holidays and somehow you couldn’t stop thinking about your parents and cousins talking about your weight. Trust me, nobody wanted to lose weight more than you. 

“So (y/n), my mom said next year you’ll be coming to our house. She says she gonna make all sorts of things. I can’t wait for you to come.” beamed your cousin, walking alongside his brother.

“Honestly, Mark I don’t know. I think I might be staying here next holidays.” you simpered and continued to walk towards your house.

“What? Why? We have so much fun when we’re together.” said Mark and waved his brother goodbye.

“Yeah I know, but I just can’t bare another second with your and my mom together, combining their power to take me down.” you replied and continue to walk in Divination.

“They are just joking (y/n). Plus if you’re not there they’ll take on me and I can’t afford having all the attention.”

“Oh wow Mark. Aren’t you just a man and a half. How are we related again?” you joked and sat down behind your desk.

“I am you mother’s cousin’s son. ” he smiled and sat beside you. “Plus you don’t have to be so insecure about it. A lot of people like curvy girls. I like curvy girls. I think it’s better than having a girl that’s all bone.” he tried to comfort you.

“ Yeah right.” you scoffed in disbelief but than saw his serious expression not fading away. “Really?”

“Yeah really. Like with you I couldn’t imagine you without your chubby cheeks. Do you know how chubby they are? I love pinching them.” he teased.

“Oh great, now you’re making me insecure about my cheeks.” you laughed and prepared your books.

“They.are.just.so.squishy.” he cooed and started pinching your cheeks.

You pushed his hand away and rolled your eyes. “You are a terrible cousin.”

“I am your flesh and blood and you can’t get rid of me.” he cackled, earning a confusing stare from the others.

Yes, family is family. You can’t choose it, but you can despise it. Despite his weirdness, Mark was the only normal family member in your life. He never judged you by your weight, hell he made sure you don’t feel as insecure as your mom and aunt make you. He was quite overprotective of you, mostly because he saw you as a sister. His brother on the other hand was quite the opposite. As any Slytherin, he was ambitios and cunning. The only problem was he was ambtious to take you down, to embaress you in front of many people as possible. He was your biggest nightmare.

----

It was Sunday and you had an essay and a report to finish till tomorrow. Guess how much you've done already. 0%. Yes, yes you should have started it a long time ago. Bla bla bla but it was Hogsmeade and other fun stuff. So as you sat on your chair for the last hour, staring at the half-written page, which needed three more extra pages, you put your quill down and started with the procrastination.

Right as you were about to go to the bathroom, your roomate entered your dorm and sat next to you with that evil look in her eyes.

“What?” you smiled at her, as she kept staring and being completly quiet.

“Ineedafavor.” she spoke fast, not bothering to cathch a breath.

“What kind of favor?” you quievered and continue to watch her flutter her eyelashes.

“Well.... I need you to go to the Slyth-”

“No.”

“But you don’t even know what I was about to say.” she pouted and took your hands.

“If you think even for a second I’ll go to the boys dormotory, you are dead wrong. You know who there is? My cousin , who apperaeantly hates my guts." you tried to explain but the words kept going through her ears.

“But it’s just one favor and he’s probably not even there.” she insisted but you were determined not to go. “You’re my best friend. Come ooon.”

“No.” you spoke flatly.

There was no chance you’ll be going to your early death. To see that pureblood maniac, who is younger and more dumber than you, make fun of you. Either was your grades, your hair, your clothes or anything he could think of, he won’t be making fun of you this time, because you were not going.

No chance.

----

‘That conniving little bitch.’ you thought to yourself as you were walking up the boys dormotories to give someone his book back, because his one night stand was too much of a coward to do it herself. 

Knocking three times on the door was so much louder than you intended it to be. God you prayed, your cousin didn’t hear it. You waited for someone to open the door but nobody opened it. So you decided to knock one more time, but when you lifted your hand the door swung open and you accidentally fell forward. 

The weird thing is, that as much as you expected to fall on your face and hit the ground, you were wrapped in the arms of a tall blonde boy. He looked down at you and smiled. “Hello there (y/n). What are you doing at the boy’s dormitory?”

“Oh, hey Draco. I was doing a favor for my cowardly friend.” you replied and got back on your feet. 

“Oh yeah.” he chuckled and glanced at the book in your hand. “I bet that must belong to Blaise?” 

“Yes, it does.” you smiled and put a strand of hair behind your ear. 

God it felt hot right now. Maybe it was the fireplace heating the whole Slytherin house or the fact that Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin Prince, was standing in front of you in a tight black T-shirt and sweatpants. And what was even more attractive was that he had messy blonde hair instead of combed. Maybe coming here wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“Here let me take it. I’ll just throw it on his bed.” offered Draco and took the book from your hands. He opened the door and turned around. “Oi! Sleeping beauty! Here’s your book!” he yelled and threw the book right on his chest.

“Bloody hell Draco! I was sleeping!” replied Blaise and gave Draco an angry glare.

“Draco Malfoy. Always so kind to the others.” you giggled.

“(y/n) (y/l/n), always blessing me with her gorgeous smile.” he flirted, leaning closer and slightly closing the door behind him.

Wait? Was Draco Malfoy just flirting with you. Draco Malfoy? Archenemy of Harry Potter and one of the biggest bully in the school. The Slytherin Prince, feared by all. That Draco Malfoy?

Yes, he was, because since 4th year he’s been secretly crushing on you. He found you smart and fun. You weren’t like the other girls, boasting and drooling over him. You were different. He loved seeing you in classes the two of you had together or at Hogsmeade, where the two of you “accidentally” bumped into eachother. 

Talking to you was simply easy. Yes he was nervous talking to you, but when he did, the two of you simply hit it off. You were a Slytherin, who he always seem to find in the Common room reading a different book every three days. Sometimes you had your hair in a bun, laying on the couch with your feet on the armrest, other times your hair was put down with your (y/e/c) scanning the pages faster than flying on a broom, curled up in a ball at the corner of the couch. In classes you could barely keep your eyes open as the class just bored you to death and seeing you procrastinate in the library, doing everything else except studying, he found amusing. Either was playing with your quil, wand or just staring at the book, he simply couldn’t take his eyes off of you. And somehow through all that procrastination, you were ambitious enought to get a good grade after all. Now, now he was tired of just watching you secretly from a far. He couldn’t do it anymore.

“Draco?” you smiled as he was only an inch away.

“(y/n)?” he grinned and continue to watch as you bit your lip.

“What are you doing?” you continued to smile.

Looking up at your eyes and putting his hand on your waist, he pulled you closer and pressed his lips onto yours. You ran your fingers through his messy hair and deepened the kiss. 

The kiss really took you by surprise. You haven’t expected this from Draco. You knew his reputation, his family’s reputation, but the fiery kiss that spread all kind of emotions through your body, made you crave for more. His hand slid under your shirt and to your lower back, pressing you closer to him. Even if it was in the middle of the hallway of the boys dormotory all you wanted to do was take of his shirt and find yourself a bed. 

“Malfoy. The fuck are you doing out there!” shouted Blaise behind the door. 

He slowly pulled away from you, his bottom lip getting bitten in the process, and he put his hands back on your waist. “Be there in a minute!” he shouted and turned back to you.”We’ll have to continue this later.” he grinned and pressed his forehead on yours.

“We better,” you winked at him and started walking away. 

[sinful-liesel]

Mystic Messenger: V’s Common Route Walkthrough (Days 1-4)

Paypal: noirliesl@gmail.com

V’s Route Days 5-11 | Bad Ends | V’s Route Chat/Calls Times | Walkthrough Masterpost 

Read before you start:

In order to get into V’s route, you need to play along with Saeran. I’m assuming that if you reveal the truth to the RFA early in the game, you might get a common route bad end.

These are the answers I chose. There’s probably more than 1 way to reach each different outcome in the story, you are free to pick different answers.

This walkthrough may not be 100% accurate. Follow the choices at your own risk.

Missed Chats: Cost 15 hgs to unlock.

Calling V & Saeran “Ray”: Costs 10 hgs. As of now, these two don’t have calling cards, & are not included in the “all characters” calling cards from the VIP package. 

Heart Color Meaning:

V: Mint | Unknown/Ray: Magenta | Jumin: Purple | 707: Red | Yoosung: Green | Jaehee: Yellow | Zen: Gray

CGS unlocked with this walkthrough: 

V: 30/37 | Unknown/Ray: 6/6 | Jumin: 6/6 | 707: 3/4 | Yoosung: 1/1 | Jaehee: 3/4 | Zen: 5/6

**Please DO NOT copy and paste anywhere else.**

**I want to play blindly and see what endings I can achieve on my own. Please DO NOT send me spoilers**

Prologue Bad Ends | These answers will get you to the Common Route:

(You can skip the prologue & head to Day 1) 

Prologue 

-Prologue Chat 1- Who are you? Where am I? You’re the developer of this app? I’d like to chat with a handsome/pretty guy right now. I’ll do it! ! OK! I’ll try it. -Story Mode- (Answer the call.) Unknown? Yes, I remember. R.F.A? Are there any merits in gathering more guests? Alright, fine, I’ll do it. Where’s here? My address? I don’t think that’ll be possible. (Send address.) Get ready? Go outside. Yes. Thank you. Unknown? Why can’t I take the mask off? Thank you. What were you going to do if I said no? Wow, seeing you, I want to pursue you first! Because it’s confidential? Is there a bug? Someone hacked the messenger? what happens if I speak the truth? What happens when I tell them that Rika sent me? Can I choose a different role? Yes, leave it to me. Here. How do I pursue you, Ray? I promise. (Start the game.)

-Prologue Chat 2- Why don’t you finish talking about the quotes? Do you have any other famous quotes? Exactly. From the bottom of your heart. I was told to host a party. Am I going to be blocked? I’m here because someone called Rika sent me! Yeah! I wanna talk to you, V! Put me through~! I was only told to open a party. I’m not a shady person. What happens if I refuse? Yeah, gladly, if you’re doing the research, Seven ^_^ Why is everyone so guarded? Weren’t you going to give me a call? I presume you and V are close? Are you two leaving together? I wonder what kind of relationship you two have... We will take our time, talk a lot, and get to know eachother. Good bye~ ~ I was only told to hold parties. Calm down and ask me one at a time. It must be difficult...I understand. Let’s talk again ^^

These answers will get you to V’s Route:

Day 1

00:00 New Face

2:21 Jaehee’s Doubt

6:30 The Open Sea Between 0 and 1

08:26 Cats and Dogs

11:49 Importance of Meals

14:08 Zen’s Consideration

16:33 Dear Party Coordinator

Really? Right now I’m seeing a cloudy sky. Do your eyes really get better if you look up at the sky? Yes, please. I think that’d be a great help. Are V’s works famous? Where are those letters now? I’d love to meet her myself...It’s so sad that she’s no longer here. Are you mistaking me and chatting with me for someone else? He has a school assignment to share? See you, Yoosung!

18:17 I need healing time

ex-boyfriend Ewww!!! My one and only love? So can I start my reports with you? Lucky 7% Meow I’d love to see your cat! I think it wouldn’t be good to the cat if her environment changes. You shouldn’t torment animals! No wonder the cat hated it so much- What about Zen? Sounds like a fair deal. That’s a bunny emoji I don’t think he’s going to tell you. If both of you trust V, you can just accept me for who I am, just like how V decided. Can I unzip them? Come on, there’s not way Jumin’s interested in cosplaying... I’d love to see it lol You must really love cats! Send my regards to Elizabeth the 3rd- It’d be a phenomenon if he really does! Don’t you agree? Make sure you give me a copy of the pic if you take one! Good luck 707! the defender of peace!

20:02 Subject of Interest

Jumin! Zen is my bae too! I think I’ve found a new buddy. Are you organizing what you found about me ever since I joined the RFA? Cruel is the reality...But if you do your best, I’m sure you’ll ffind happiness someday! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help! I understand that you can’t trust me yet. Let’s be friends nice and slow. I understand you, Jaehee. I’m not a bad person! It’s just that I have a whole lot to learn! My game might be over if i tell you. It’s a secret! How come? Oh, save me, my prince! This initial setting is a bit tricky. But that’ll make the progress of the relationship more rewarding. Your looks are already more than enough help to the entire world. Lol Time for your preening Zen! You gotta make yourself an international treasure! I use soaps... Bye, sexy.

21:34 Richness in Wine

Welcome, Jumin. Good day? How come? Do you like wines? Maybe they want to have you as their model? Jumin, you’ve already got talents! Now you’re telling me you’ve got looks as well? T-T But aren’t you delighted? Yes, absolutely! You have this luxurious atmosphere. Looks vs business talent...? Whichever wins, I think it will return as a compliment for you. I see that V likes wines too. What if both of you model...?! I’m sure those days will come again. Jumin... You two are such good friends! Do you have an automatic timer installed in your head by any chance?

23:25 Intriguing Person

Wow! It’s V...! I’m so thrilled to see you! You two make a lovely couple. It’s all a secret. Shh! You must be curious about my world. Can you see anything different through your viewfinder? They all look so nice. The purpose of my life...is my bias. This advice sounds like the result of your own experience. V? Let’s talk again V.

-STORY MODE- Come in I’ve been waiting for you, Ray. It was fun! It felt like talking to actual people instead of AIs. The black-haired man in a suit with a temper. Now that we talked about games. I want to talk about you, Ray.

Day 2

1:19 Expectation and Uneasiness

He said he’ll be back soon. You could ask him then, can’t you? Aren’t you going to sleep Jaehee? Do you have a hidden background story with you? You know, you’re actually the CEO’s daughter... That’s a true businessman there. He makes the future rather than presen his priority. A rich man and a celebrity? They sound so otherworldly to me. He said that he’ll drop by more often. I’m sure he will. That’s right! Please trust me! I’m here to have parties with the RFA. Isn’t that a sensitive matter to V as well? Their friendship is so cool... What about me? I like hearing about the RFA You’re mean...I didn’t do anything wrong. You must feel so complicated. I doubt you can sleep. I agree. I doubt you can gain anything from suspecting each other. Yoosung must have been really fond of Rika. I’m afraid that Yoosung’s sorrow will turn into misunderstanding on V. But you can’t tell people to do something about their sorrow, can you...? I should go to sleep too.   -STORY MODE-

2:44 Night of Reminiscence

Good evening, Jumin. So you’re saying that I’m currently holding information superiority. I think you’d trust V in whatever situation, Jumin. Ohhh busted. I actually came from another dimension. that allows transformation into a completely different person. Where is my Prince Charming for me-? that’s one elegant sense of humor you have, Jumin. Is that what you think? You’re cute, Jumin lololol You mean a chat about dark magic? Was that spell...for summoning V instead of shapeshifting, by any chance...? You’re drunk, Jumin.... You two know each other so well... But I’m guessing that you managed to get back home safe. Perhaps he’s sleeping while chatting. You can actually see that? That must be because you’re his friend. I-know-no-such-thing-as-sloppiness boy lolololol So you two first met when you were really young. So what did you tell him, Jumin? It feels like I’m having a casual chat...How do you know if he’s drunk? I think both of you should go to bed. What’s the matter? I head bean sprout is good in getting rid of hangovers! You two share a whole lot of memories. But it’s okay to depend on your friends. Could you protect me too? I’m going to be now, too.

7:50 Unexpected Visit

V? something’s weird about the chat room. Kind of...But I’m sure we’ll be able to hold parties somehow. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m curious what you’ve got more to say. So let’s continue. You really scared me! ...That was you, Ray? I slept very well. I think I like my new room. Did you have a good rest last night? Thank you, Ray. You’re so good at cooking! I’m so excited! I think I’ll have much more fun discovering all the secrets! They’re really AIs...right? They feel so real. I think you’re really warmhearted man, Ray. Who is that? I’ll be waiting. -STORY MODE-

9:37 The Act of Hacking God

Uh-huh and it looks like your mind’s been wiped clean too. Hit Seoul Hit Daejoun Hit Daegu Hit Busan Hit It! That’s my username. I wonder what they keep in the Vatican’s server. I’m pope’s fan too! Can you share them with me? Thank god it wasn’t the messenger server. Can you tell me what kind of files you had in there? Can I get a copy of his pic? Time to call the police. Please don’t be so mean to him. I’m sure he’ll do his best. Oh? Did you find anything about me? I wanna know too. Is it this hacker or someone else...? byebyebye Is it because of me? V looks like a very responsible man. If he does recover them. I hope he can share them in commemoration of his success... Are there really vampires in Romania? Be careful! It could be fraud!

12:00 Lots I Want To Do Together

The user is here -  Did you have lunch, Ray? If you didn’t eat, then I don’t want to eat, either. You must be really talented. That sounds great! No, I like you more than those AIs. I’m not bored. I get to talk to you like this from time to time. Why is this game so full of bugs? Of course. You’re so much more amazing than him. Important guest? Good luck on your work, Ray!

-STORY MODE-

13:57 V’s Decision

What? It’s V! You made a choice. So does that mean to others won’t suspect me anymore? You seem to have reasons why you trust me. So we’ll be holding a small-scaled party. Sure. You look like a responsible person. I’m so excited to find out what party guests they’ll recommend for me. I’d like to know more about you too. Please log in more often from now on. I hope we can talk some more next time.

-STORY MODE-

15:24 Recommendation of Trust

Welcome, Jumin! There’s C&R right there- the No. 1 corporate of Korea! You collect antique books? That’s an elegant hobby. Sounds great! We’ll get to heat behind his long life. Though who art deeper than even blood, Though who are darker than even darkness... Really? What kind of gifts? What matters isn’t the background. It’s the person itself. V looks like a trustworthy person. I trust him. Recommendations, please! They can take the cab. He’s right. I like seeing you bright. Jumin, the epitome of trust. Why don’t you try reading like Jumin? Try focusing on your books. Why don’t you try trusting V, too? Maybe that’s why he can trust V. I think it’s good to direct your thought somewhere else! Clear your head and come back!

-STORY MODE-

18:26 The Universe and the Sun

Hell-o Seven! Too bad. I wanted to invite a werewolf too. Aren’t werewolves usually humans? I’ll invite it beep! What is it, Seven? Is there something bothering you? You can try screaming into your blanket. Here he is! My secret buddy! Can’t expect anything else from Jumin’s friend. Let’s just be honest with space. The halo definitely comes from your face... Holy V Can you count me in? Those left behind should carry on. But if that’s our current situation, we should work together and prepare for the party. He’s gone. Does V like the sun? Maybe the sun holds a special meaning for him. Maybe he’s sick...? You’re such a good boy, Seven. Of course!

-STORY MODE-

20:13 Party at Saturn?

Good evening, Jumin. Bur it’s just a day. He’ll be fine. You two must be quite close. Pluto will feel lonely by itself. So I’d like to invite Neptune and Uranus too. When it comes to recommendations, you don’t have to force her for one... I think it’d be one exciting party! That’s a person’s name right? Sounds delicious...I mean, sounds good! Some superior officer? Who could it be? You look tired... Good luck, Jumin! Really? I wanna see too! I wanna see too! I wanna see her beautiful jump! Oh my...she’s so cute! Can I have more pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd? I’d like to know what mysteries are there about him. You can watch Zen’s DVD. Huh? Zen! So did you de-stress at the spa? You basically had a hibernation lolol Zen, do you know that we’re having a party? We can talk more tomorrow! I wonder what kind of recommendations I’ll get. Goodbye, Jaehee! Your looks will bring better things to you! Let’s have a nice party! Me too! I’m so excited!

22:38 Congrats

I was sightseeing in the other room. I thought I could take a break. They’re beautiful. Thank you so much, Ray. I think those AIs are not very suspicious of me now.  I think I will get even better! I too wish you were my partner. I can see how happy you are. I want to stay here. I wanna be close to you, Ray. I’m counting on you. Please take care of it fast. We didn’t chat much...You’re leaving already?

Day 3

00:31 Under the Shimmering 

I wanted to chill out more and then go to sleep. I think your biorhythm will break living like that. I actually want to see V’s photos. I wonder how Jumin will look riding the bike! That’s the thing, you can never find your driver’s license when needed. Both are so perfect. How am I to choose? You’re here to see me! ! Zen, you had an accident? What if something dangerous happens to you? Tell me what happened back then. It would have been serious if V didn’t follow you. V, you should take photos of me someday as well! Flowers? V, were you Zen’s fan? You still look promising. Do something that brightens your mood! V, do you normally clock in such late hours? V, you go well with wine! Good bye! I’m like that as well. I’m going to stay up late.

-STORY MODE-

02:46 Paradox of the Survival of the

I was testing the game you gave me. If you have something to say, come over yourself. Then it’ll bloom twice as much flowers! I feel sad for the weaker stalk... I want to save the weaker stalk somehow. You’re right. The weaker stalk was the one that sacrificed! Wow...I’ll look forward to it, Ray! It was fun. With hidden morals and all... Ray, when are you going to sleep?

7:00 Take Care of Your Health

Change your glasses into sunglasses lol I’ll get ready to write it down! Can I taste it? Reports to police right now✩ Send in an ingredients review document as well. Seems you have an innocent spot in you, Jumin. You’re suddenly acting a bit pathetic. Catching your breath is important as well. Tell me more of this cleaning fairy. Awesome! Why don’t we learn its secret cleaning methods at the party? Huh; It’s Jaehee;; Too bad, you were this close to being successful in your fabrication. Jaehee, good luck today! Isn’t it enough to have one friend like V? 1011011...... It wasn’t too far. It was way was too far. Don’t forget to bring Sevenstar Drink Version 2 when you come back!

9:13 Back in the Days

Jumin’s company? I’m ready to hit Save. Please show it to me! ! ! ! When did you debut? And the story goes that it was your girlfriend. What photo did V debut with? Yeah,  think it’s harsh to compare appearances with you, Zen! I wanna be - most very best -  Great! i’ll catch Backpack Monsters by inviting him to the party. My eyes are screaming out of joy! Jaehee, our professional Zen-critic, can you please explain to us what kind of performance it was? And like this, the number of photos in my folder increase one by one... Jaehee, your Zen-intelligence is really awesome. Truth is, I think I prefer V than Zen. I want to know whom he’s having the meeting with - V’s dad...I wonder what kind of a person he is. Silver spoon family class.... I like V’s humble attitude. I think they pair well together^^ You do know that beer isn’t part of brunch, right? Does V know about this? I want to be friends with V too. Jaehee, have a great day today!

12:22 My Best Friend

Not yet. No...Humans betray someday. You’re friends with flowers ^^ I like lily-of-the-valley! You can! Though more time would be needed. I’m jealous... I don’t think you’re obsessed with me. I’m just glad that you seem to care for me a lot! Then Ray, are you working for this person? I want to be with you...! My mind will not change. I want to see you today, Ray!

-STORY MODE-

14:09 Small Cute Adorable

Oh, Savior of Justice! ! Has a villain appeared? What’s your real job? What a dangerous mission...I wonder if you can return safely...? I understand her. She must have been surprised to learn that your mission is a dangerous one... Will a nude photo be next? I am curious of the next theme. 3 days....? Got it. I was about to recommend the first one! ! Cars are dreams! Don’t sell it! Since it’s largely influencing the national economy...I think it’ll be larger than what we imagine... It’s inevitable because of its size difference. What is it...? I pay a decent amount earnestly. Though not as much a Jumin. The father might have dyed his hair.... I wish a dragon would come to the party.... Let’a make an equal world for everyone together! It looks like a strong name. Okay! Let’s invite it! Wow- You’ve put your effort in trying to find the most ordinary person! We cannot decline someone like that! Whoa...are you going to fall now? I want to try that! I’d expect nothing less from someone V has appointed in charge of security. The party might become more interesting! I’m worried that V might become baffled with all this. I should pick up and finish up the work I was doing-

16:32 Precious Friend

V! Hi! I think it’ll be fun! Two friends gathered in a chatroom ^^ What kind of person is V’s father? I wonder what his impression is like. Is it a humiliating secret that you can’t share with me? Fathers are sad to be close but distant as well. Especially in case of father-son relationship! I think it’ll be a good occasion to get together. V...you seem very uncomfortable with your father. You must have seen each other often since you both lived int he same neighborhood. I want to hear memories of you two ^^ Cute - ! ! So, who won? Please don’t say that, V. It’s not your fault. It’s going to get better little by little, V. V...don’t fall into too much despair, and try to cheer up! Though he looks very cool on the outside...I think he’s having a hard time. Is there anything I can do for V? I’m going to take a break now! Take care!

18:24 Explosion of Emotions

Yes, I did. Yoosung, you must be in pain... Welcome, Zen the Gorgeous - We were talking about Jumin. Aunt and uncle? Whoad...isn’t that harsh? It was their daughter’s funeral. Rika was adopted? I didn’t know since Rika had a bright image. I think V’s trying hard too. Why don’t you leave him alone for a bit...? I think having someone next to you would help ^^; I don’t think that’s something...Yoosung needs. Zen said to help you...but you just shake it off... Zen...it might reach him later on. I wonder what V’s thinking.... His way of grieving might be out of this world! If you ride the motorcycle, V will get worried. Zen, you will look gorgeous even when after sweating.

-STORY MODE-

20:11 Reason Behind the Curiosity

You’re on your way here? Wow.... I was about to have dinner -  How much do you like me? I actually feel good. It was fun today as well. V turned a bit more active. Yes!

-STORY MODE- I’ve been waiting for you! It’s great to see you. You talked about a garden. I want to go to that garden fast. They’re beautiful...! Just what do you do here, Ray? Why are you so busy? Let’s walk for a few more minutes. I want to talk to you some more.

21:49 Powder of the Coordinator!

Cleaning Fairy! Have you completed all your chores? Yes, it was great talking to V and all. Yes! Heartwarming.... Yes ^^ I’m embarrassed ^^; And what other kinds of information did you find out? Sure - Feels great that he’s looking out for me! V said not to advertise. I want to buy one for V. Bye, Mr. Advertiser.

23:07 Another Level of Salvation

Jaehee, you should have some of Sevenstar Drink...! I believe Seven will be able to avoid them without a problem. Why don’t you go to a shaman? Or hire an exorcist.... Um...maybe it could actually save someone....That’s probably why deeply religious people look very happy. Yoosung, what have you been up to? Was it effective? Did you fall in to the world of gaming? Seems like a sign. Sniff...I smell something...the smell of a spaceship burning... I’m thankful that he’s become brighter... I believe it’s a problem you eventually have to return to and solve... Sounds like good words, but it’s always better to do an adequate amount of good deed. It may be happiness to those that want to be saved by force. It might not be fancy like salvation, but I will do my best. Yoosung, it might be time for you to look for professional help. Whoa, interesting! Let’s invite him! I wonder what his next costume will be after the leopard. Vent out your stress by gaming! I think he just needs a way to vent out like that for now! If you find it, please tell me as well!

-STORY MODE-

Day 4

00:16 Keep Thinking of You

You’re back! That’s the one we saw in the garden! I wouldn’t been glad if you really did grab me. That sounds like a dream... I would’ve had a hard time playing this game if this wasn’t a game that you gave me to test. I’m sure V will tell me his plan. I think it’s a bit hypocritical... No, money can’t solve everything. But don’t you think it’s natural that they overcome their concerns and become better people? I think the period of unsteady anxiety is meaningful if it is for the sake of overcoming one’s pain. Can I save everyone if I see the endings? Alright! I’ll play until the end. Actually...yeah sometimes. Sure, I’ll think about it. I’m gonna stay up for a bit.

2:34 What’s Wrong?

What are you doing at this hour...? Another hacking? What about it? Welcome, Zen? What were you doing? I think there’s a bug - I’m sorry that I crashed in T-T waaah... Who’s your watcher? I think other pictures would be more dangerous than your pictures... Like V’s pictures for example... What about me? Seven...you’re going to use that money for your business, right? Great idea! Who shall take the throne of the Seven Kingdom? That’s lit... Did you make it yourself, Seven? I should wear what I should for a party Is he an actor? Really? He’s that good-looking? He’s actually a girl! Is he the kind of guy who’s the sum of you and Jumin together? But he sounded nice while he’s talking to V. Me too! Let’s invite him! Now, I guess? Are you going to say good night to me? Good night, Zen... You have a lot to work on T-T Tell your housemaid I said hi!

-STORY MODE-

8:15 All-Nighter

Jaehee, have you seen Seven’s picture? I wanna see V’s picture... I can’t sleep well either... Welcome ^^ Cutie boy of the RFA! What did you do last night? Good for you...! Congrats! Napping on a bus? Didn’t Jumin said that you’ll make a fine intern? I knew it... Yes...you gotta have at least some sort of pleasure in your life...Phew... How did you deal with your stress before getting into college, Yoosung? Were you into musicals? Oh yes, please! but I gotta finish what I’ve started! Let’s all meet nice and happy at the party-! Shouldn’t we trust V and wait for him? I think there’s a good reason...why they didn’t attend her funeral. But you should hang on for your philosophy class! I hope you dream about LOLOL Don’t you think it’s better for Yoosung to just chill out playing games? Sure, I’ll see you late! You can leave Yoosung to me - ^^

-STORY MODE-

10:22 Understanding and Respect

Welcome, V! Is there anything you’d like to know about me? Of course! No matter what happens! I don’t think it’s too late. We’re getting to know each other. Are you jealous? Lol I can’t tell you anymore. There’s a good reason why I can’t. That’s why it’s even more frustrating... But why would you accept me as one of the members? You haven’t even figured out my location or identity. Is there something wrong? If that’s the case, it’s a bit sad... It’s okay. Everyone has different history and reason... I don’t think there is no good or bad family. There’s only ‘my family.’ I think you’re also a proud son, V... I think you two will be friends forever. I hope my joining can help the RFA to progress in a good way. But I think you can do a good job, V. Goodbye! It’s a privilege of a friend! Why are you making so many secrets? They must be such a burden... Even though you might not suit him, you’re quite charming on your own! Thank you, V...Have a good day.

12:00 I Really Want to See You

Ray you had your lunch, right? ^^ I’m eating right now - Does it hurt a lot? I’m worried... Yes, I’ll make sure I tell you...! I think they noticed that you’ve entered the chat room. Yes...this game could be over if I tell them, right? Who do you think is the most favorable one among the RFA? Do you want me to pursue that AI? Would that help you? I wonder what the happy ending is like! I’ll keep the secret. I want to be with you if I can! 707! Then you can just go ahead and destroy him, can’t you? What kind of a surprise is it? Yes, I’d like to stay with you...and continue playing this game you make for me. Take your pills now! I hope you get better! Don’t worry - -STORY MODE-

14:41 Portrait of the Youthful Days

Are you awake now, Yoosung? Did you do well? Lol But it’s been barely a year since you started going to college - Becoming the best gamer in the country? You don’t have to get into a big company for that dream. Unemployment is a serious issue... Listening to you makes me wanna lie in bed...thinking nothing in particular. Maybe Jumin will hire you. Welcome, Jumin! Whoa that was brave Jumin is right! Jumin, a single card you give can save a single life here. I’m a genius. My IQ’s like...229? It’s a group of people with super-high IQ... Why do you want to use him as your intern? yep I think I get what you mean Jaehee is so professional. She’s so impressive. So you guys have a complicated relationship. Right he is. Good idea! yep you cant choose what family you’re born into... And he’s a good man^^ Who could it be? Is it time for your class? It’s all thanks to the games. You really care a lot for V. Good luck on your work, Jumin!

-STORY MODE-

17: 36 An Afternoon of Anxiety

Is there something wrong with you, V? Where are you right now? You’re popular, V - What emails? Just where are you, V? Why would your phone be dead? I hope it’s nothing bad... I hope nothing bad happens to you, Seven... I shouldn’t have come here...I think I’ve only pressured Seven... Him? No. He must’ve been shocked to his bones... That must be quite a burden you carry on your shoulders... Alright. Please take care of Seven.

-STORY MODE- Come on in. I saw it! It’s so fun to see AI 707 flustered. They feel like actual people responding to a grave incident. They feel so realistic. What did you send them? Yes, it was a surprise. But that’s why I like it. Okay.

18:42 Mask Made of Glass

Will Seven be okay? I think V’s burden is growing heavier every minute... Did you call V? What happened to...what happened back there? Don’t pretend to be okay. It’s heartbreaking... I’m worried about you... I didn’t think you’d You sound a bit uneasy I think you should rest!  be like this, Seven... C Language...? If inviting this language can help you calm down...then let’s do it! ! A kiss...? Haagen-Dash 31 Have a good one and refresh your mind! V, Seven, Yoosung...they all seem to have concerns. I’m concerned for them. I guess time is the answer. Sure. Have a good one, Jaehee!

20:10 Zen’s Worrisome Looks

Welcome, Zen the Beautiful. I think V took care of it. I recommend SEVENSTAR DRINK. yes me too! How was school? For now, I’m cheering for V... Yoosung is still young lol Yes, sort of - That’s so sweet... I think you’re nagging again Zen You’re so diligent when it comes to self-management. Let’s invite him! I wanna get some masks too! I’m all ears. You’re off to play... But I think Yoosung’s getting energetic again. You should make a contract with a hospital... I remember what Jumin said...that you need to be calm for things to work out well. See you - good night! The chat room’s dazzling! Thank you! I want to see V’s pictures too... You’re so sweet Zen...Sleep tight ^^

21:53 Nice

V...! Does your phone work now? Wait a minute...! Are you trying to ask me out?! I think I got a lot of recommendations! I can see how much you value the RFA...Don’t worry ^^ It hurts so much...to see him in pain. Thank you...! Yes, I like the RFA! Umm...I’ll look around some more. Wow, finally! ! ! What? That’s too fast! It was nice talking to you.

-STORY MODE-

22:49 What I want to Say

Am I going to make the contract now! I decided I want to stay here with you. That must be horrible... Me too...I like you too, Ray. I won’t betray you. I promise. Yes, please trust me. Of course. I’m so touched, Ray... I’ll be waiting...

⚠️ Branch⚠️  (Make sure to save!!! SAVE!!! SAVE!!!)

-STORY MODE- Yes! I’ll be with you, Ray. Okay... Where are we going...? Is this where I have to make the contract? Special elixir...? What is this? Is this a medical company? Or a game company? This is a good elixir. You got this for me, right? Who are you? What’s going on!? You weren’t an AI? Were you an actual person? Ray...what’s going on here...? Ray, are you crying? Who is this savior? ...If that’s what you tell me. I’ll believe you.

Continue to Days 5-11...

[ask-eris-morn]

Tell me your tale.

Oh, I was yno, born like every other thrall, a little hatchling in a a hive nest. I clawed out and as soon as I gained consciousness I knew I did not belong here. I overthrew a hive seeder ship and made my way to earth.

Once there I was visited by a ghost. Strange, this was the first being that I had met that was not thrall. The ghost told me I was the one they were looking for. They were very confused. But when the ghost scanned me with their light, I changed. I became,... human.

Well, almost human. I was awoken. The evolved human.

I often wondered what the connection between the hive gods and humans were. And this Traveler. How did it play a part of the cosmic scheme of things.

The Guardians accepted me as their own, and no one questioned my loyalty. I was glad. I was a part of something. My loyalty was to my Guardians. Those whom I loved.

And then I met Cayde.

I, I knew early on that there was some kind of connection between me and Cayde. I'm not saying it was a good or a bad connection. But it was very obvious to both of us that there was something there. Something, some connection that was almost like it was in a cosmic sense.

We were constantly at odds. Eventually I made friends with a warlock by the name of Ikora Rey. You know her now as the head of the Vanguard, and the Hidden. But then she was Ikora. My friend.

I stopped spending time with Cayde as much. We were at odds less. But it seemed, almost empty.

Eventually hanging in the warlock circles I met Toland. He was a tall dark human. He knew a great deal about hive magic and social practices. I , was hive... But I was also of the Light. I found myself spending time with Toland, and I grew even more distant from Cayde. I regret that.

Eventually Cayde started spending time with Holliday. Every time I saw him I became sad. I realize now I was pained by jealousy.

Time passed. I grew closer to Toland, but , kept my distance because I didn't actually want to be close to Toland. Not like that. But... I became much closer with Ikora. We would spend a lot of time on top of the library together. We would research old recipes from ages lost and we would cook together in the evenings. We were very close.

Eventually Toland, he changed. I think.. I think he was jealous of me and Ikora.

I never felt a connection with Toland. Not anything cosmic at least. I definitely felt that cosmic connection to Ikora, but no where near as strong as with Cayde. Ikora earnestly understood this. She completely understood this on a formal level. She had studied, she could even pull together a mathematical equastion describing the connection we had that transcended any visual reality into the void and beyond. This was something, from the creation of the universe. Something.

Toland came to me one evening. He knew. He talked to me about the moon, and the hive, and their history, their cosmic view of existence and their role in whatever 'this' was. And he knew that I was hive. And he had a plan - one that he was blackmailing me into being a part of.

I saw Ikora that evening... She was warm as always and she knew something was wrong. I couldn't hide it from her, and I told her everything.

The next day she confronted Toland. I didn't know till it was too late. I came home to find Ikora on the ground, gravely wounded and her ghost damaged on the ground by her side. Sparks would coming from its body intermittently and it was trying to move but the cervos were getting stuck.

I held her, I held her as she died.

--What does one do, what does one do when they lose a life. Us Guardians never , never have had to deal with that sort of problem before. We always died and then came right back. No one was ever scared for one anothers death, except to sympathize with the pain. But she was dead. Never to return. But we all know that she is alive and well don’t we. My ghost, it chose me. Even though I was hive. I had given my whole life for this planet and these people. This was the only logical next step. I told my ghost to bring her back.They didn’t want to, they told me if they did that, they could no longer bring me back. That it was a very strong alteration to the code. They would need almost all of my Light to be able to do that much computing. Well, it worked. I almost immediately became more visibly hive. My hive eyes returned. I knew Ikora would see, she would hate me, despise me. She might even kill me. She thought of me as one of her own. We both, have killed many hive through our time. It took a toll on our mental health all the fighting we did. It took a toll on me, killing so many hive. I didn’t feel sad, or angry about it. It just felt strange. A little off, but it never bothered me in a ‘loyalty’ sense. I was a Guardian through and through. But I feared that this would be even more of a traumatic experience than just dieing. We, were lovers. To love a thrall, a hive, whatever I was… a Light demon… who knows. That must, be extremely disturbing…. She revived. By the time she came too, I put on my helmet had all my gear. She came to and called my name. I held her. “How” she said. Was all she could manage before she collapsed again. The ghost, they said she was going to be alright. And we said our goodbyes. My ghost, my Light. My ghost now belonged to the woman I loved. I was ok with that. My Light, and my Love. What could be more forever intimate. Forever connected.

I left immediately and ran down the halls of the Tower. As she died she had said, she said I needed to find Cayde. ‘Find Cayde’, was all she could say. Find Cayde. I found him. He was was in the hangar with Holliday. They seemed to be having a good time, laughing and smiling at eachother. They quited when they saw me approach. I asked Cayde if I could talk to him in private. It was awkward for us all. Cayde came with albeit a little reluctantly. I told him about what happened with Toland. I told him what he did, what he did to Ikora, and what, what happened to me and who I am, who I was. He was strangely on page with me. It didn’t seem to phase him. “So what” he said. “The ghost chose me, so I’m a Guardian”. He said, yno, it's almost funny. It is in retrospect, truly in line with the patterns of who Cayde is. He’s just Cayde. Rough around the edges but just Cayde. There isn’t a whole lot of pretense. There is pretend pretense, but it's not real. He’s always playing that game of pretend pretense so that there never has to be any actual pretense. He calls out the pretense in the room and makes fun of it so casually…He said there were Awoken, Human, and Exo Guardians. That Awoken didn’t even live around here. We still got all these Guardians. Whos to say why I couldn’t be a Guardian. He was so supportive. We went to go confront Toland, and when we left the room Holliday joined us a little inquisitively. Cayde told her it was emergency and to get Zavala and meet us on the transmat. She left a little reluctantly, but she could see the seriousness in his voice. Cayde doesn’t have that tone unless he’s on a serious mission that needs all his attention. He does actually have a internal parameter involving perception of when to fuck off and when not to. His buffer is just realllly high. Zavala didn’t make it in time. Cayde and I didn’t stand a chance. I didn’t even have enough light to go invisible and run away. That kills me though. I tried to run away. I saw caydes body shattered, and then Toland came for me and I panicked. I would die. I can’t come back anymore. I was going to die. “Come with me if you want to live” he said. I went with him. Cayde called out to me… he said to fight it. The Zavala almost here fight him. I didn’t fight. And almost as soon as I entered the hangar bay door of the ship I saw Zavala arrive at the transmat. I saw him as the door was closing and I tried to jump out - But Toland hit me with a blast from the Void smashing me against the wall. I crumpled immediately and as I lay there drifting off into Darkness, he crouched over me.. He told me that, “He created me”, that … I was always Human. I was always a Guardian. He made me Hive.Later I would find out that he just intercepted me before my ghost did. He shattered reality and rearranged me molecule by molecule and implanted me into a hive nest. This was almost some what of a relief. I was not hive. I was a Guardian. But that was interesting to note, that I was Human, and somehow, I ended up an Awoken. What happened to the Awoken to become this way. They were Human centuries back. What happened to them to make them the people they are today. I realized eventually - that was the whole purpose of Tolands experience. He killed the entire fireteam. He sacrificed them at the door. He had not anticipated the gateway of the Ascendant into the the deepest levels of the moon. He did not have the power to create that level of Hive magic. So he used all their Light to channel it and enhance his power allowing him to augment his Hive magic.The only reason I was still alive was that I did not have any Light to give him. I was useless. He made sure to tell me that. He said to wait for him… he “would be back” he said… I waited. I waited out of fear. I don’t know how long I waited. A long long time it felt like. But then I realized. I realized he wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t coming back. He couldn’t defeat Crota. He wasn’t powerful enough even with an entire fireteams Light enhancing his powers. I was free. At first I was happy, estatic, I hadn’t felt anything related to joy in so long. It felt - it was good. But then almost immediately I remembered my fireteam. All dead. All dead for Tolands Light, and he couldn’t even defeat Crota. They all died for nothing. Ikora died for nothing, my Light lost for nothing. If Crota had at least died, then we would have accomplished something. That would be something worth dying for. At least another major threat no longer in our way. But no. There was no change, nothing worth this.And then I realized I was alone. I went to the surface. Our ships were all broken to shit. All torn apart by the hive. I could get enough pieces together to make an engine fly enough to get back, but there was nothing I could do about the hull of the ships. I didn’t have weilding tools or anything and I couldn’t be revived in space like most Guardians could. It was like shit, if I still had Light, I could literally get back home. It would be shitty as fuck, my ghost reviving me every few seconds until we were able to reach earth, and then I’d be fucked in the atmosphere and we’d have to test the limits of when a ghost can revive. Whether or not the ghost could even handle re entry. We didn’t have the satellites from old Tera at our services…But I didn’t have any Light….I lamented my Light. The inability to do the things I once could. My entire reality changed. My abilities all changed. I had to completely revise all my existing battle tactics. I observed.I watched the Hive. I found that the thrall ate various organic substances that gave them power. It gave me power too. I had a limited number of bullets left in my guns, I had to use them extremely sparingly. I tried to stay Hidden as much as possible. Any conflict could mean death. As I ate the organic substance that the thrall ate I began to learn more about my abilities. I gained almost Guardian like abilities. It was compatible with my body, and the little Light that existed in me was able to convert this hive energy into an understandable power source for my body. I could blend in much easier now. There were no mirrors there, no Light, you must understand. I didn’t know what was happening when I did it. I just knew that they couldn’t see me when I did it. I didn’t know what was happening until it happened. And then I sort of started testing it more and more to better understand its boundaries. I started using my knives more. I gained enough power that I could slash through an entire cell of thrall in seconds. It took a lot of energy through and left me feeling drained. Over time though I gained that power back, very much like when I was a Guardian. I dared not test the final attribute of being a Guardian though. I feared death. I’ve killed Hive. I know they die. I did not want to find out if I did too. Eventually I found the ahamkara. The Hive, I couldn’t tell what exactly they were doing. But I could see that they were feeding off it. The bones. I began to feed off it too. I continued my ‘evolution’ and learned how to feed in great amounts. I wanted to see if I could leach all the energy from it. I wanted to leave the Hive with at least one less advantage over us. I would make some meaning from all this. I used the bones of the Ahamkara to construct the hull of my ship. I used my new found power to seal the bones around my ship air tight. And I came home. When I saw Cayde, Zavala, and - Ikora.I don’t know whats , whats , what is this. This world. What is this world… I don’t know anymore. Who am I. I can’t just pick off where we left off. Not with any of them. Who am I, I’ve changed. Was I ever the person I thought I was? Was I ever the person they thought I was? What is real… What is reality.

One small blessing….. I told them that I got the eyes in the Hellmouth. That a Knight stole my eye, and that I stole their eyes in return. No one questioned it. I put my helmet on before my Ghost revived Ikora. No one saw my eyes before I left. No one but Toland. No one knew the horrible abomination that I was. They still, in their way… cared about me. But we never recovered. I don’t cook with Ikora in the evenings anymore. I don’t feel the connection that I felt with any of the Guardians anymore. I still feel a bit off when I see Cayde though. But, it's not like it was. It's, softer. It's behind all the other thoughts. All the other voices. It's not the strong feeling it was. There are… many other voices in my head that are much louder, much more intrusive.You asked about who I was Guardian. I told you I’d tell you when you slew Oryx… I kept my promise. And you’ll keep your promise now. No one will find out. Or, I’ll kill you haha. Anyways, it's getting late. I’ll talk to you tomorrow Guardian. I really hope this hasn’t changed your perception of me too much. You always knew I was some batshit lady from the Hellmouth. Does this really change anything?

[pepperpaprika]

About Leader Keith (and other paladins)

Initially Inspired by this post which I’m sure a good bunch of you have seen and posting because surprisingly, this topic hasn’t died down yet and I felt like putting a few ideas down.

I should probably preface this by saying that I have no idea what will happen but I still hope for Shiro to come back and continue leading Voltron eventually-  mostly because the Lions and Pilots seem quite attached to each other. 

“The Blue Lion’s with me! And we’re very happy together! Very Happy.” 

Shiro’s Bond with Black, not only in the early training exercises but when he went for Zarkon’s (his) Bayard.

Red Saving Keith (happens 3x in s2 but I couldn’t find a still that worked) 

Pidge and Hunk also bonded more with their lions, discovering new powers of their own. 

It just feels odd for me that they took the time to develop all that only to rip it all away, perhaps permanently. 

But assuming a new Black Paladin must be chosen again from the current pool of Paladins, then let’s go with that.  

So, the nice thing about Voltron’s characterisation is, a case could justifiably be made for just about any paladin possessing some leadership qualities.

Hunk, for example, has the kind of empathy and social awareness that would inspire loyalty and trust. Not to mention when he gets serious, he is utterly serious. He has good instincts and he takes responsibility when he feels strongly enough. E.g. He took the lead introducing themselves in the mermaid episode. 

“...Your excellence, I’m Hunk and me and my buddy here we crash landed on your lovely planet, but we really need to get back in touch with our friends who are in space.”

And saving the Balmerans, anyone? Or the way that he casually brings people together? 

What do you think? Do we roll up and like start blasting or do we land and have some kind of public address system like “Attention Galra, this is Voltron, turn yourselves in.” 

Him being the one to remind Keith that logic isn’t everything or reminding Allura that Keith shares the credit, too? Hunk is very fair. 

Pidge is fully capable of planning and executing a strategy, as well as come up with tactics on the fly. She snuck into the Garrison, a presumably high-tech military base, not once, but twice. She had a plan to save her family, even if it meant leaving Voltron, all by herself, and that takes initiative. Plus she has the advantage of being highly creative and tech-capable in a technologically advanced space war.

Lance has vision, and like many leaders, he’d also make a good, if unorthodox, diplomat. As a friend puts it, he’s ambitious and personable (Keith seems to be his exception). Both qualities actually are found in many successful politicians. 

We have a lot of great times ahead, so we should probably start bonding now.

As Paladins, each and every one of them will eventually be called on to lead. Maybe not Voltron, but they are the saviors of the universe and they will be relied upon by prisoners or refugees that they save. 

But if there’s something they currently lack to sit effectively in the Black Lion, it’s resolve- the will to get things done and to cut away everything else. The Mission has to be the priority. Not that other things are unimportant, but for the leader, he needs to be focused on the mission and what is good for it. Even if that means not looking for family or not getting any glory or being in danger.

“So that means your other crew members, they might be held captive here.”

“Pidge we don’t have time. We have to get the Red Lion and get back to Arrus.“

As another example, Allura even prioritized Voltron over her own safety when she tossed Shiro into the escape pod first. 

And that cold-blooded resolve? That, Keith has in spades. It’s not quite the same as stubbornness, though it can be that, too. Keith is the guy who won’t quit. Keith is the guy who got kicked out, completely lost and alone, and decided to find a mythical lion that kickstarts their destiny. Who drove in to save Shiro with a plan that worked?  Who spent nearly 40 vargas fighting a losing battle against the Blades of Mamora and to find out the truth... and only gave up because his priorities had shifted. 

And you can’t lead without that, especially in a war. 

A war means you have to fight and you have to keep fighting even when you might be losing. 

Remember when Allura told the Paladins to keep fighting in S2E13? Or when Shiro rallied the others to have heart and try again? You need a will of steel, an unbreakable spirit, to keep fighting despite insurmountable odds. 

Fight! This cannot end now.

Everybody, listen.We have to fight!

And the guy we see recovering his composure first:

That aside, when Shiro was chosen to pilot Black, Allura basically listed the requirement of being the one people will follow without question. A large part of Shiro’s aptitude for the position is that he has everyone’s de-facto respect, tying into his reputation, since none of them except Keith really knew him. Ergo the respect was most likely built on a reputation of his abilities and his pilot rank. If Keith had stayed in the Garrison, I think that wouldn’t be so far fetched for him to have. He was explicitly considered the top pilot and the casual way Shiro defers to his flying skills suggests its common knowledge. Abilities inspire reliability and that leads to trust and respect. 

And despite his awkwardness and his lone wolf persona, Keith does show he cares a lot about teamwork and saving people (Voltron’s cause), even if he’s not kind about it. He’s just immensely practical. Who got angry about Pidge leaving? Keith. Who was first upset about meditation exercise failure? Keith. Who thinks about safety first when there’s an unexpected visitor?And who was the first to give a suggestion on how to form Voltron when just flying around didn’t work? He might not have the best strategy, but he does have the best intentions at heart.

Maybe we should be building Voltron from the ground up... Like stacking on top of eachother.

Friendly reminder that this would not have happened without Keith. He tried.

In S1, he actually seemed pretty Voltron-oriented. Occasionally, he was Shiro-oriented (saving Shiro when he has PTSD or when he’s taken). But in S2 we see that expanding. He agrees on a strategy mid-fight with Pidge through eye contact and subsequently protects her landing. He praises Hunk for a good job. Despite the two steps back on his relationship with Lance, they worked together more closely than they have before (much to their chagrin). 

Despite his awkwardness with people, the fact that Keith made an effort to connect with Hunk, that he understood that Allura’s feelings about him being Galra were valid (and he never speaks up about the way she treats him either), actually also shows a surprising empathy for others for a guy who can’t get a cheer right. He also brought back his ‘cold-blooded’ decision making when he took the Olkari king hostage and when he voted to not trust Ulaz, despite Shiro vouching for him. 

“Should we go after him?”

“No, whatever the Galra are planning won’t matter after we defeat Zarkon.”

“Copy that.”

“By the way Hunk, you really came through in a clutch back there. Without you the mission would have been a failure..”

There’s a lot about this exchange that showed Hunk does look up to Keith somewhat as an authority figure but also that he was accessible since he then proceeded to needle him about being “Galra!Keith” again after that. 

Perhaps most importantly, we saw how he smacked up against the most personal moral dilemma of his life. His past and heritage, a question that he’s wanted answered since he was little or saving people. Prior to the trial, he was short-tempered and irrationally angry- that was how important his past was to him, besides the times when he’d stare at his knife at length. You see him struggle with this decision when he rejects Shiro , only to chase after him, and when he falls silent when his father warns him that this is his only chance. 

It wasn’t an easy choice. But he chose the right path, to work for the team, to work to defeat Zarkon. For the Mission, above all else.

“If you walk out that door, you’ll never find out who you are.”

“Goodbye, dad.”

Keith might be a loner- an introvert who prefers peace and solitude, but he is more than willing to work past that for their cause. While passionate, he isn’t acting selfishly, because everything he does can be traced back to an unselfish reason and to the Mission. Do some recon? Be useful to the team while Allura and Shiro risk their lives.  Defeat Zarkon 1:1? Save the universe even if it costs him his life. Take himself and Allura out of the Castle? Stop endangering the rest of the paladins and Voltron. He left Red behind. He was prepared to leave his team, his new family, behind. His only problem with it was that Allura was needed to pilot the Castle. All he wants, for some reason or another, somehow almost personally, is to save the universe. 

Like he has something to prove to himself by it. But that’s a topic for another day. 

All this doesn’t mean that Keith is the perfect or easiest leader to have- he won’t be able to take command the way Shiro did simply because he will have to work for everything Shiro gets by being Shiro and because he thinks differently from him. Shiro’s way of analysing the situation and coming up with a good strategy is something that seems to be innate to him- probably since it was a matter of life and death to use his head for a year. 

Keith on the other hand, does think and plan but tends to also be far more morally grey (taking the olkari king hostage, sneaking around, being suspicious of everything, etc.). He doesn’t even want to lead- not only because that means Shiro, the person who literally changed his life, is gone, but  because he is very acutely aware of his own shortcomings in the area. That’s why he apologises for his behaviour when Shiro calls him out. 

Maybe he’ll make up for it. Maybe not. Regardless of his flaws, he is unyielding and he took being Defenders of the Universe seriously from day one. 

Moreover, we already see that when it’s crunch time, Keith recovers quickly and thinks on his feet. While the others were processing that not only has Allura been taken out but Shiro might have been too, Keith was the first to speak up. 

 That mentality only gets stronger if Shiro’s in trouble. If what the Mission needs is a Black Paladin; if Shiro needs someone to cover for him, the first person to step up to the plate is always going to be Keith.

Shiro! ...Shiro?! Something’s wrong with Shiro. Guys. We can’t let Zarkon get the Black Lion.

[casual-confessionsxwhynot]

SO! I have a confession. I've been a serial monogamist most of my dating life. Since my first real boyfriend in high school i think i've had over 30 boyfriends. Whether they were long term or short term I was bouncing from "relationship" to relationship for almost half of my life. Since it was high school and i have a healthy amount of shame i didn't sleep around with all of the people i dated, only a relatively small fraction. Still it seems weird that I spent so much time getting tangled up in someone else's mind.

Fast forward to now; I'm single and actually kinda happy! But the biggest downer i encounter is when i realize how alone i feel (and actually am).

You see, i have a lot of siblings. Like 10, no joke. But i am the second youngest, and my mom had me when she was 40 years old. My next oldest sister was 12 at the time i was born. That also means in her late 50s she was trying to deal with two teenaged girls. And while i have my reasons that i don't speak with my mother anymore, that whole situation still sounds like a certain kind of hell to me.

The point i'm getting at is that my single working mother was perpetually exhausted. Also neglectful and manipulative and emotionally abusive and a whole slew of things I will likely delve into later on my psychological deep dive. Anyway! I never felt like i was given enough attention from....anyone. I had no dad in the picture, a mom who was too exhausted, and a ton of siblings growing into adulthood and balancing their own lives. I have one younger sister, but as we are only a year apart in age growing up we didn't really like each other.

Despite what my dating history might suggest i was quiet and shy. Definitely have always been an introvert. Dating was a way i found myself finding a type of attention and a way to fill a void in my life. I think the void was someone to know and to know me intimately. And not intimate in a sexual sense, but someone to talk to, some one to know how i think and feel and process the world around me. And vice versa of course. I didnt get that from my family, my mom talked a lot but never a lot of details about her life. And my younger sister kept to herself too (may have also been a serial monagamist? But i don't wanna speculate on her psych too, love you!) I would always be jealous of my childhood friends, who were sisters. They knew each other so well it seemed. They would argue sure, but always came together in the end and be there for eachother. If my sister and i fought it would never get resolved it seemed. We would just carry that anger, go our separate ways and just remember we didnt like each other (things are different now)

It had me feeling like i was different, i honestly wondered if i either fell on the autism spectrum or if i was a socio or psychopath because there was something wrong with ME. Because i didnt have these relationships with my mom and my sister. I see now my situation didnt foster the healthy kind communication and attention that comes with those relationships.

Fast forward again to now. I am single as of early May 2019 and it is now September 2019 . Only last week did i delete my tinder app. I started swiping just before i broke up with my ex, (together on and off for ~ year and a half/emotionally abusive narcissistic selfish asshole) i wanted to rebound and find someone better to prove to myself that i deserve and can find better! But it was hard! Online dating sucks ass. Pardon my phrasing. But for real my dudes. I dated around a little but i realized that i dont really know what i want or what i like.

Here we are

Ladies and gentlemen, after this long unorganized rant i've finally arrived to the point of this blog.

I'm documenting, in blog form, my journey to discovering my true likes and dislikes. Being tethered for a good chunk of my life didn't really allow me to know what I like. And yeah i mean i know some stuff, like i really hate bowling, and mini golf. But i mean, i've been tangled up trying to attend to my significant others emotional, mental, physical needs. WHAT ABOUT ME? I haven't made myself a priority. So this is it. My selfish time.

So yes, i deleted tinder and have stopped looking for someone to date but that doesn't mean i'm closed off to finding someone. It just means i'm making my self my number one priority and if in my quest to push myself to do things i didnt think i could do by myself and i happen to meet a really nice guy (OR GIRL!??!) Then dooooope.

I have done 3 things so far that i feel were me making myself try new things.

1) Yoga

2) walking at a park

3) pierced my nose! (Most exciting)

The yoga thing isnt all that exciting honestly. I didnt want to go to the gym one day and pulled up youtube and did a 20 min beginners yoga thing. I actually didn't really like it. I had never done yoga before and its difficult to watch a video and have them tell you to close your eys and then move thos foot forward this back and this is a warrior pose etc. And pull your navel to your spine but also deep breathe in and out! It was too much. If i want to continue with yoga i need to try a class with an instructor and a more hands on experience/guidance. (Minds out of the gutter please).

Walking outside at a park! This one isnt really a big deal to most people. But being the serial monogamist that i am i'm uncomfortable being alone and i have told myself that it is UNSAFE to walk at a park alone. That and all of the true crime/murder podcasts i listen to dont help. But i did it. One friday night i told myself i should go on a walk at a park i had been to with friends before. So the next saturday morning, ya girl did it! I walked back and forth on a lake front for like an hour. And i could have done it almost all day because it felt peaceful....but i had other shit to do lol.

THEN on a whim i decided i wanted my nose pierced. But not really on a whim, i've wanted to do this for like a year but never had the courage. Also my emotionally abusive ex was abusive to the environment around him and didnt really care about not hurting me by "accident" so i never felt safe having a fresh hole in my face that could be damaged by mistake around him.... ANYWAY this whole week. Starting monday i told myself that i was gonna go get my nose pierced on friday. By wednesday i was too excited and i went to a tattoo shop 11 min from work and got it done. I had seen the videos and read the after care instructions and done my research. I was ready. It was done and now i have to care for it everyday and let it heal for 4-6 months. HELL YES QUEEN! I really want to get a hoop but for initial healing the stud is best. Also, not many people at work have noticed ( i work at a job where piercings and tattoos are ok). Which might have upset me about a year ago. But i truly did this for me. And not anyone else, so i feel that's why i wasn't disappointed that some people didn't notice. I'm feeling good! I feel this is a positive change for me. I'm excited to meet myself.

Next:

I think i want to get another cat?

New work out routine?

Plan a solo vacation?

Actually go to the library?

Dye my hair?

Go for a drink at a bar by myself?

Paint the trim in my house?!?!? (lol not adventurous, just something i need to do.)

Challenge yourself! Take a chance and do all tje things!

[daveywankenobie]

My last post was deep and reflective. It was an effort to deal with some very deep feelings, and it did.

I felt somehow purged after writing it – and the feedback both publicly and privately was both humbling and heartfelt. I can’t thank those who took the time to reach out enough. Your words (and sometimes tears) meant everything to me.

In a very buoyant frame of mind I’ve taken some time today to look through the photos that I FORCED myself to take and keep – regardless of how they made me feel at the time. Many of them I felt showed me in a poor light and I was intensely embarrassed when I looked at my own image.

However I don’t regret taking a single one because today I’ve been able to look back over the feelings and thoughts that I experienced on my journey and milestones so far and see the progression thats happened over the last year – starting on the 26th January 2016.

However from my blog’s perspective it really started on the 10th February when I began writing and shortly after tried to walk somewhere and use my exercise bike.

The walking distance I was capable of (which at the time tore both my calf muscles and the plantar tendon in the base of my right foot) was roughly the end of my street or just past the beer garden at a local pub (the Saxon Mill). On my bike I managed around 0.4 miles before I was in agony and couldn’t breathe.

However I’d stopped drinking and was beginning to think about improving my health. It took a while though as I’d decided that I needed to be certain that was a thing of the past before I tried to diet.

My brother took a sneaky photo following this in mid March – which (if you take into account the picture above my head) says much about our mutual tendency to take the mickey out of eachother, but even more about how far I’d fallen health wise. My face, arms and stomach are swollen and bloated – just like the rest of me.

However, quietly sitting on my wrist (although I didn’t know at the time) was my new best friend.

On the 14th April I finished an intensive four week recovery programme which used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and mindfulness to help me explore my relationship with alcohol, food, and the recent death of my mother.

I’d promised myself that As soon as this was complete I’d start a diet plan of some kind – so I did. On the 16th of April I joined Slimming World.

This was a truly terrifying and horrible day – but also the start of something wonderful. I was 34st 8.5lbs when I stepped on the scales, and could hardly fit on the little red chairs in the school hall.

I cried myself to a standstill writing my blog later that evening.

Two weeks after starting I’d lost eight pounds. In many ways I was still a little in denial about the task at hand – but feeling more positive. In early May I tried to walk small distances again – and found that I couldn’t do even 1/3 of a lap of the park near to where I worked (Arrow Valley in Redditch) but persisted and also started trying to walk around St Nicholas Park in Warwick.

This started twin addictions – one for walking in the park, and the other related to a group of cygnets that I spotted. Ultimately only one of them survived – and that day (forgetting what a baby swan was called) I christened it ‘The Swanling‘ – but please don’t ask me which one is which!.

I’d also started collecting certificates and stickers. This too would become something of an addiction…

However I was initially struggling to understand the SW plan. I’d begun to eat things in the wrong quantities and had my first blip quite early on – which knocked my confidence. For the first (and last) time I stomped out of the group without staying for the talk. It was a big mistake.

I spent the week hating myself needlessly.

At this point I started realising that the Apple Watch on my arm might be more than just a toy – and began (hamfistedly) trying to track my walking progress. I still couldn’t walk far – but by the 3rd of June I was able to do a single lap of Arrow Valley or St Nicholas.

The crappy app I used gave continually unreliable stats – but I was (with a LOT of sitting) beginning to gradually improve.

Sometimes I found the whole process really demoralising though and at times was in near constant pain – tearing muscle after muscle as well as still suffering badly with plantar heel and tendon problems.

Slimming World however seemed to know just when I needed picking up, and around this time I quite unexpectedly got an award. On the 18th June I was voted my group’s man of the year – and also picked up my 2 stone award.

At this point I was still taking 5 pills a day for my type 2 diabetes – but for the first time on the 12th of July I had become fit enough to walk down the hill near my house to a diabetic retinopathy screening and back up again.

It was a massive milestone for me, but also an annoying reminder that chairs with arms were still my natural predator.

On the plus side all the extra activity meant the certificates kept rolling in during July and by the end of it I was 3.5 stone lighter. This was a much needed morale boost, because by then I’d also been made redundant…

However, despite no small degree of sadness I tried to see it as an opportunity and a new beginning rather than an end. The weather was good in August and I was loving my walking!

It was around this time that a chance photo with a friend who was exhibiting at the Leamington Art in the Park festival (she’s very talented) made me realise just how far I’d come. All of the extra notches that I’d had to make in my belt suddenly became really apparent when it slipped out of it’s loop.

At the time I realised I’d lost around 8 inches from my waist.

This REALLY spurred me on – and I began to test myself more and more.

In August I returned to Aberystwyth (my university town – and somewhere I love) and climbed constitution hill which was followed by a bath for the first time in around a decade. On the way home the next day I then walked around the medium difficulty trail at Nant Yr Arian’s forestry commission which was something I never thought I’d be able to manage.

Until I did.

I finally rounded off the month by conquering a fear that had been with me for ages. I caught the train to Birmingham and left my car behind. I had to make my way under my own steam – and there was no backup plan.

My trip was enjoyable, but also a mixed bag, and my shirt was embarrassingly soaked with sweat from the heat in the museum that I had wanted to visit. Although I’d done it I still felt like I stood out in a crowd and was very self conscious.

However I did do it – and a friend pointed out to me around this time that I had (in a week) walked the length of the English Channel. Filled with enthusiasm from this I rather whimsically set myself the goal of walking the slightly longer channel tunnel length (31.5 miles) the following week.

August also heralded more certificate successes and by the end of the month I’d lost over four and a half stone…

In September the idea of walking virtual geographical distances mushroomed a little when a lady at Slimming World casually suggested that I expand my horizons and track my progress across the globe on a larger scale.

I decided to run with this idea and plot my walking progress from the moment I joined SW – mapping it onto a virtual walk from Lands end to John o Groats (847 miles). I realised that (thanks to the friend on my wrist tracking everything that I’d done since buying it) that I was already a good way toward my goal and that I now walking around 134 miles a month!!!

I also tried to conquer my (still) nagging negative feelings about travelling to Birmingham under my own steam and not long after made a trip to the Electric cinema (something I’d wanted to do for many years but couldn’t) which was still a squeeze – even with their front row premium seats.

Thanks to around another stone being gone, September heralded a noticeable increase in mobility and I found myself exploring all over the place – often with four legged companions!

Unusually the English summer just kept on going in 2016 and October was also a great month. I spent some time exploring Hay Wood locally, got re-acquainted with canal walking, took home my six and a half stone certificate – and also managed to make it around the whole of Cardiff Bay!

To put a cherry on October’s cake I also managed to get the group’s ‘Mr Sleek’ award (and a fetching tie) as well as a seven stone award – which happens to be THE WEIGHT OF A FRIDGE FREEZER!!!

  November started to get a little chillier – and since I’m getting thin on top I embarked upon a new relationship to keep me warm in the cold winter evenings. Me and peaky are still very happy together and have yet to fall out!

Peaky kept my head warm as the leaves fell from the trees and winter drew nearer and (despite a pretty epic episode of shin splints in my left leg which is frikkin painful!!!) I managed to get some more bling, walk across the completely unmanaged and overgrown Ryton Woods (making my leg waaaaay worse like an idiot) play with a cute puppy in group and take a small fortune’s worth of huge clothes to charity.

By the time December arrived I was still motivated – but probably somewhat unsurprisingly given the time of year things slowed down – both mentally and physically. I became obsessed with the idea of reaching a ‘plateau’ and that somehow I would fail.

In reality (looking back) I was always moving forward – and just occasionally admiring the view.

Thanks to my Slimming World group and friends I stayed largely on plan throughout Christmas – even walking six miles to my brother’s house for and back for dinner on Xmas day (with an epic blister all taped up) just to ensure I wasn’t naughty.

Christmas had no bottles of Southern Comfort as was traditional for me for many years past and was powered only by the magic of weaponised caffeine.

And so we come to January.

It’s not over yet – but by the end of it I’m hoping that I’ll have my ten stone certificate. 

So far this month has seen me hit my target of walking from Land’s end to John O Groats, have my first (unsuccessful) job interview in a decade and a half, meet more dogs, start to massively increase my cardio based exercise and walk the length of the Stratford Greenway.

To make me even happier, the swanling in St Nicholas park has survived, and is flourishing. It gets a bit more beautiful every day.

So – that’s my year, and you know what? For the very first time in nearly a decade I can look back on the last twelve months of my life and feel a sense of pride.

Furthermore I feel something else to. Hope.

I no longer take medication for my diabetes (which appears to be in full retreat) and I’m far less likely to die a really early death. I’m fitter than I think I’ve ever been at any time I can remember.

I love life at the moment internet – and I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store. I hope you’re here to find out with me!

Davey

    Year one retrospective My last post was deep and reflective. It was an effort to deal with some very deep feelings, …