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kyom1s · 3 years ago

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HI OMG I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR NOCTYX X READER BLOGS djdgdjdj can I request hcs of noctyx members and a clingy gn reader? if that's too vague I mean perhaps like a vtuber reader who likes talking about their boy all the time that it's very noticeable to the rest of nijien, gets visibly excited when he shows up in chat or in the stream, likes cuddling with him and such? basically a reader with huge golden retriever energy

NOCTYX WITH A CLINGY READER !!

NOCTYX X GN!READER | NO WARNINGS, JUST FLUFF WORD COUNT : 3.2K

i'm so so so sorry if this took so long !! TT i wasn't feeling so good for awhile but now i managed to finish it. sorry if it's too short esp at the last few parts !! i did my best, please enjoyy

FULGUR OVID

Fulgur just turns soft <3 it's adorable soo honestly.

When you're the one on stream, and there's even the SLIGHTEST mention of Fulgur. the 'gushing over Fuu-chan' session is in action

Clippers are now in action too ! They'll tag him on twitter which results in him tagging you too

"Y/n please explain" "The explanation is already in the clip. you're cute."

He's flustered yes, but he refuses to show it LOL

Always manages to find himself looking for you in his chat, he needs your giddy words to brighten him up (even if he already is, but more won't hurt right?)

When you are in his chat (which is like 99% of the time when you're not streaming) you're messing with him or/and his comfydants

He gives you and your clingy heart every affection he can give <3

in short, he just really loves his clingy 'lil s/o. he'd do anything for 'em

ALBAN KNOX

I feel like this guy would share the same energy with ya

sooo like, clingy Y/n with a clingy Alban ??

A match made in heaven !

Collabs this, collabs that, almost every collab is a stream with both of you honestly. You guys could be sharing the same channel at this point LOL

You two have cute little assets together <3 ones where the two of you are holding hands and sharing blankets.

Just cute n wholesome stuff

So many seiso moments. You both are killing your fandom with your wholesome-ness

And occasionally some not-so-seiso moments. But let's not focus on that shall we?

Overall, you two are a really cute and heart-melting duo <3

SONNY BRISKO

SO SO SO WHOLESOME MANNN

like 10 times more wholesome than Alban

Probs the clingy type too

Collabs where you two are with each other (in person) are the cutest !!

Expect a shit ton of kisses, hugs, and warm n cozy cuddling sessions

Absolutely loves giving you his attention like he'd drop whatever he's doing and give ya attention right away

You two are on discord calls almost 24/7, always by his or your side whenever one or the both of you are streaming which your fans think is so cute !!

Loves listening to you ramble on about him and other topics

also loves putting your chibi little avatar on his head and giving his usual bright n cute smile <3

his voice is always so sweet n cute when talking to ya TT

YUGO ASUMA

Similar to Sonny, you two are on discord calls 24/7

Especially when he's playing horror games. You're always more than happy to be by his side and help him

and also listen to him scream LOL

hE'S SO CUTE MAN.

Loves it when you share your favorite kinds of music with him, so you two share a lot of interest especially when it comes to music

and you love listening to him ramble on about it

He can practically see your heart eyes whenever you're listening to him, and he's not complaining

he thinks it's so cute <3

you too, you're hella cute in his eyes

UKI VIOLETA

He has EVERYTHING prepared

LIKE, he knows whenever you decide to drop by and happily welcomes you

He loves dealing with a clingy you

also loves watching the little clips of you gushing about him, he even teases you about it

a lot of comfy streams where both of your models are just leaning against each other comfortably, talking with each other, and the chat

Loves your cute n little flirty attempts, he shoots back with his own lines

always pulls you in closer to him to hug ya real warm n tight <3

overall just really really loves you !!

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

Text

Weird Secret Friends *Chapter 3*

I fixed it!!!! Huzzah!!!

If you didn't see it earlier, it was crap-tastic on my phone.

I'm glad so far people love this. <3

Part 2

Part 4

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------------

When you returned everyone was laughing at chatting, except for Sonny who was drinking vodka and soda while on his phone. He looked up and saw you both returning, he jumped up to meet you.

“Hey, counselor. I hope Y/N wasn’t too hard on you,” He half laughed.

“Are you kidding me, Sonny?” You scoffed.

“She’s fine, Sonny,” He smirked. “I like a little fire in a woman,”

“Oh?” Sonny’s eyebrows suddenly raised, causing you to give Barba a look. He was blowing your cover!

“I mean, I expect it from Jersey girls anyway,” He flipped his compliment quickly.

“God…” You muttered, looking at the floor. Pick a side, counselor.

“Anyway, um,” Sonny cleared his throat, trying not to think about Rafael and you together. “So when do we do presents and cake? I’ve kind of got an early--”

“I’m sorry, what?” Rafael furrowed his brows at Sonny. “Did you-- Carisi did you really just say that?”

“Do you see a present table? Do you see a giant rat mascot running around?”

“...What? Did I say something--?” Sonny became flustered.

“What do you think this is, a fucking Chuck E Cheese?” He suddenly snapped, causing shocked looks from both you and Sonny.

“I’m sorry Barba, I--”

“Alright that’s it,” You stepped in between the two of them, glaring at Rafael.

“Excuse you?” Rafael crossed his arms.

“Y/N, knock it off,” Sonny hit you softly.

“You have been nothing but rude to my cousin since we got here, Mr. Barba,” You pointed a finger to his chest.

“He was just trying to be nice, getting you a gift out of the goodness of his heart, something you would know nothing about!” Maybe now you were overcompensating.

“Y/N!” Sonny said through gritted teeth.

“What?!” You turned to see everyone at the party staring at the three of you in shocked silence. “Oh…” Your voice turned soft, your face turned red.

“Well,” Rafael straightened his suit and tie, recovering from your little rant. “I guess I should be a gracious host and open it then, shouldn’t I?” He gave you a look.

“...Holy shit,” You heard one of the guests gasp. “That thing is over $1,000! My wife wouldn’t even get me that for Christmas,”

“NO!” Sonny objected rather loudly,. “I mean, that’s not necessary Barba. It’s just a little something, it’s fine,”

“No no, your cousin is right,” He shook his head as he walked over next to Sonny’s chair and retrieved the large gift bag and placed it on the table. Sonny bolted over, you trailed behind quickly.

“No, seriously Barba, don’t,” Sonny began to panic. You suddenly realized how this was going to look, maybe you shouldn’t have pushed.

“Carisi why are you being like--” Rafael was questioning him but was silenced mid-speech when he pulled out the briefcase. His eyes went wide, you swore you heard a few people audibly gasp, You looked around completely lost, finally noticing the absolute horror on Sonny’s face.

“....Is this a Louis Voutton Robusto 2 in Taiga leather, Carisi?” Rafael whispered, running his fingers over the fine leather.

“Oh my god,” You couldn't watch this. Sonny had such a big heart, too big of a heart. He tried so hard...why didn’t you step in sooner?

“Uh y-yeah, sure Barba whatever you want,”

“Carisi, can I speak with you a moment outside?” Rafael blinked rapidly, trying to wrap his head around what was happening right now.

“Do you guys need somewhere to make out?!” An obnoxious man laughed, making the other guests snicker.

“Oh shove it Buchanan,” Rita hit him. “Sonny’s just his puppy,”

“Oh god,” Sonny muttered under his breath as he followed Barba outside. He didn’t know which was worse for people to think right now.

“This is totally inappropriate, why would you even--” He threw his hands over his head. God it was one thing knowing Sonny had a thing for him, but for him to finally make a move like this-- in front of his peers? His colleagues? The audacity.

You wondered if you should follow them. You were the one to cause this mess, after all. Also you really didn’t like the looks you were getting from the rest of the party-goers. You quickly began to follow after them, you could hear Rafael yelling from a mile away.

“What the hell is WRONG with you, Carisi?!”

“I-I’m sorry, Barba I--”

“WHAT?!” Sonny’s eyes instantly went to you. “W-Why would you…? Why would you say that?”

“I’m sorry, counselor I just thought--”

“You just thought what, Carisi?” He growled. “That if you bought some ridiculously expensive gift I’d suddenly realized you were ‘the one’?”

“What?!” Sonny suddenly snapped. “What the-- what the fuck are you talking about, Barba?”

“Uh I don’t know Carisi, maybe the fact that you have feelings for me?”

“What?” Rafael suddenly realized either you were wrong, or he was sticking to denial. Either way, he was probably busted.

“I bought you that briefcase because I want you to like me as a COLLEAGUE, Barba. Do you know what kind of clout you get in our field by being friends with the ADA? And-- And nothing I do ever seems to be good enough, I was afraid you’d never...accept me, unless I…”

“Bribed me?” Rafael asked softly.

“I--I don’t know, I--”

“Well,” Sonny shrugged uncomfortably. “When you say it like that it sounds dirty,”

“Right,” Rafael rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“....But why, in the fuck--” Sonny crossed his arms now. “Would you ever accuse me of--- of that?!”

“Is it because you have feelings for me and you were hoping I felt the same way but it freaked you out when I made some ‘declaration of love’ in front of all of your work buddies?”

“WHAT?!” Rafael practically screamed. “Absolutely not--”

“I’m just gonna ask you one time, straight out,” Sonny approached Rafael, his stature over him becoming more obvious the closer he got to the ADA.

“Then why? Have I seriously given you an impression that I-- want your cannoli?” He tried to find an appropriate word. And he was genuinely asking, he had made damn sure not to act that way for so long, there was no way he had fucked that up.

“Uh...yes, yes you have,” Rafael tried to bluff. He had no idea how this situation had flipped, or if it was better for Sonny to think he had feelings for him, and not his baby cousin.

“That’s bullshit,” Sonny shook his head with a sarcastic laugh. “I have made damn sure--” He glanced at you again, he knew that look. That was the same look you had when you had broken his mom’s favorite vase and had blamed it on the dog.

“Damn sure what?” Rafael quickly tried to distract him.

“Damn sure you didn’t think that,” He answered hazily, thoughts filling his mind.

“Because you do,” Rafael tried to keep defensive.

“....This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Sonny’s eyes suddenly narrowed as he was quickly becoming aware of the glances you at Rafael were sharing.

“Ohh no I think it’s about--”

“WHY would you accuse me of trying to...seduce you?!” Sonny cut him off.

“Does that sound like something I would do, whether it was true or not?”

“So it IS--”

“DAMMIT, Rafael!” Sonny stomped his foot. He was getting bold now as the wheels started turning.

“What?” Rafael laughed like it was ridiculous, looking everywhere but Sonny’s eyes. “When would she even--”

“...Did my cousin say something to you?” His eyes were narrow, he was scowling between the two of you. Fuck. FUCK. Don’t panic. Keep your cool. Don’t move.

“When you followed her just now?” He crossed his arms again.

Whew. Well, thank God. At least that bullet was dodged.

"Was she? Because it seems like telling you was the worst thing she could do!!!" Sonny snapped.

“....She might have said something along those lines,” Rafael glanced at you with apologetic eyes as he threw you under the bus.

“Wha-- are you kidding me?!” You hissed at him, but Sonny was already fuming at you.

“Y/N!!! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He started to stomp over to you. “You can’t just throw your assumptions at people, because you think your ‘emotionally stunted’ cousin can’t deal with some confusing feelings he has,”

“Uh…”

“Ya can’t just SHOVE someone out of a closet!” He kept yelling, oblivious to the stares he was now getting. “Especially not to my boss!!!”

“Sonny, I--”

“See I knew it!” Rafael clapped his hands together, trying to rescue you after he threw you to the sharks. “I knew you had feelings for me, I didn’t need her to tell me,”

“FINE,” Sonny threw his hands up. “Fine, Rafael. You win, okay?” He struggled with tears forming in his throat. “Yeah, I’ve had some-- weird, feelings about you. For a while,”

You and Rafael just stared at him while he “came out” to an entire restaurant.

“And alright, maybe I went a little overboard with the gift, my bad,” He shrugged. "But that doesn't excuse Y/N for telling you her conspiracy theories!"

"Carisi…" Barba sighed. "She was just trying to help."

"Y'know what YN, would you mind finding somewhere else to crash tonight, i can't really look at you right now," he sighed as he turned and walked awkwardly out of the restaurant.

"Sonny I am so--" you tried to apologize.

"Well you heard the man," He grinned, totally unphased by what just happened.

"I'm sure he'll--" his face went from a soft smile into a horrified expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me Rafael?" You scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Well at least he doesn't suspect anything between us!" He pointed out.

"Yeah just that I'm a horrible outing twat," you rolled your eyes.

"Aw carino," He pulled you into a soft comforting kiss.

"What's wrong?" You asked softly, afraid to turn around.

"How fucking DARE you say that, Barba. I'm not some fucking jealous teenager, although clearly that's your type,"

"Oh my god..." you heard Sonny's voice behind you. "Oh my God!"

You definitely didn't want to turn around now.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Sonny now stormed over to the two of you.

I can't fucking believe you Y/N! What the fuck is this? How did this happen?"

"Sonny I--" You tried to explain,

"And YOU--" He glared at Rafael. "You had the fucking audacity to sit there and start yelling at me for "inappropriate feelings'," he growled.

"Carisi…." Rafael put a hand up.

"What the fuck do you call seducing my baby cousin??" He snarled.

'Look Carisi I know you might be jealous, but--" Before Rafael could finish his sentence, Sonny's fist was hitting his face and he fell to the ground.

"Hey!" You exclaimed.

"This isn't about my feelings, jackass," he went to punch him again but you ran over and tried to pull him off Rafael as a crowd of spectators was forming.

"Which by the way, you have zero worry of those anymore, I'm not into perverts," he spat.

"Sonny!" You gasped. "...the hell is wrong with you?!"

"We're leaving," he instructed you.

"Like hell we are," you went to help Rafael up.

"Sonny, even if you were my dad, I'm a grown woman," you snapped. "You can't drag me out of here like a child,"

"YN," Sonny had that soft, scary, angry tone. "I practically raised you. I'm the closest thing you have to a dad. So when I say we're leaving, we're leaving."

"Either you come with me right now, or I'm disowning you," he threatened.

"Are you fucking kidding me Son?" You laughed at the absurdity of the threat.

"I'll stop paying for your classes at the community college," he threatened.

Well not only did he just threaten your academics but he embarrassed the hell out of you revealing you weren't even in a real college.

"So?" You stood your ground. "Go for it,"

"I'll stop paying your rent," He kept going.

"Well that's--" You started getting nervous.

"I'll stop payments on your car,"

"OKAY," You finally caved. You just wanted to stop revealing what a fucking sad sack you were having him pay for everything, just like a dad.

You looked at Rafael who was standing now, winding his bloody mouth with a handkerchief from a pocket in his suit.

"I'm sorry," you barely whispered with tears in your eyes and throat. The last thing You wanted to do was leave him there but as Sonny so blatantly pointed out, he basically owned you.

You gave him one last long kiss goodbye, to which Sonny made a disgusted scoff.

Rafael gave you a look of pleading, begging you to stay with him while he held onto your hand. You pulled your hand away from him and turned to Sunny

"Alright let's go Son," you said softly trying not to glance back at Rafael.

Sonny nodded triumphantly and walked out of the restaurant with you close behind, leaving Rafael alone.

#rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #law and order svu #rafael barba fanficton #law and order svu fanfiction #weird secret friends

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snarkwrites · 4 years ago

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-- about my writing --

I’m currently taking requests / asks for headcanons [ can be either NSFW or just in general or a specific idea ] or fluff/filth Alphabet letters. These are the only requests I plan on taking. If you send me prompts / one shot ideas.. I won’t do them, sorry.

To see what the questions are for the fluff / filth alphabet, see [this post]

[ To my thots anon whomst I love with every cell in my body... Your thots are all going to fall under NSFW headcanons so please.. By all means.. Feel free to send me all the thots you want because I really really really really really enjoy writing them!!! Also, you can find the thots you’ve sent me on my nsfw masterlist, they’re not going anywhere. They were so good I had to add them to a masterlist somehow, I couldn’t resist. At everyone else out there, the same applies to you guys.]

So.. Here’s the thing.. I’ve decided that I’m going to be taking 3 kinds of requests. Those are as follows: Headcanons { filthy, fluffy or themed specifically at your choosing }, fluffy alphabet and filthy alphabet letters. These are the only kinds of request I answer so don’t send me prompts / one shot requests or ideas unless I specifically say otherwise.

Bearing the above in mind, I have some guidelines.

I’m only accepting headcanons (nsfw / fluff / specific theme &/or reader), fluffy or filthy alphabet letters. If you send me one shot ideas or prompts, I’m going to delete them because I don’t do one-shots.

One character per ask. I don’t care how many asks you send. But I ask that you only send one character per ask because that makes things a lot more simple for me.

You can send up to 4 letters in each ask if you’re asking for either version of the alphabet. Be sure to let me know whether you want filth or fluff or a mix of both. IE, you could send me something like this; character name - a, b {filth} & j v {fluff}. I’m not saying your ask has to look exactly like this but it does need to clearly state which version you’re asking for. The format I just did above was just the easiest way that came to mind for me.

The more precise you are with the headcanon requests you send, the better I can tailor them to you. If you just want an overall NSFW headcanon or overall fluff, that’s totally fine. But if you want a specific scenario ( friends to lovers, date night, weddings, the sky is the limit here) you need to tell me that. The same goes for if you want a specific reader (POC, plus size, sick, shy, virgin, imprint, etc) then I need to know that. It’s like I said.. The more specifics you give me, that’s more I have to work from.

As far as headcanons go, the things I won’t write are rape, incest / huge age gaps between reader / character. I’ll only write abuse if someone is getting their just desserts at the hands of character on readers behalf. Any asks containing rape / incest / huge age gaps are going to be deleted.

All asks must come to my inbox. I don’t take requests through DM or in comments on a post. If it helps, my anon is on, so you can request to your hearts content.

If the ask box is closed, this means I’m currently not taking headcanon or fluff/filth alphabet requests. This will also be noted on my blog bio and possibly a post stating why/for how long. Anything sent in after the ask box is closed will either be gotten to the next go around or it’ll be deleted, depending on the situation.

First of all... My content is meant strictly for adults. I do write some things that people underage can safely read, but that is not always the case. I realize that I can’t stop minors from reading my work, but I can tell you outright that I’d rather you skip over it if you’re underage and it clearly states that it’s not written for anyone underage. Again.. I can’t do anything to stop minors from reading my NSFW content beyond just choosing never to post writing on the internet. And I don’t plan on stopping, so.. yeah.

I put warnings on everything. Reading those will definitely save you time and upset. If you keep reading something I’ve written and it upsets you in any way, I’m sorry but I can’t help. I warned you. You chose to take the risk -and most likely, you chose to skip the warning I gave before the post even started... It’s strictly on you now. It’s out of my hands. Any complaints or things of that nature are gonna be laughed at and deleted out of my inbox because I’m not here to argue or censor myself. I’m not your parents, just a peer. If you as a minor choose to look at me, an adult adjacent person, as an authority figure of any sort... First of all, why? Ya’ll.. no.. please don’t. I’m a hot mess, okay? To look at me like any trust worthy authority figure is... A huge error on your own part. Secondly, please don’t. I’m here to enjoy my favorite fandoms / post content for them. I’m not here to please people / censor myself and my content to make everyone else happy... Let me repeat. I put warnings on everything I post. If you keep reading and you read something you’re not supposed to this is now solely your own problem. Sorry, I guess?

I’ve seen other adults saying that they block minors on here. While I’m not gonna do that.. I will not tag minors in my NSFW content knowingly. If I find out you’re a minor and I’m posting something NSFW for a fandom you’ve asked to be tagged in, I will not be tagging you. Sorry. As much as I say I’m not here to parent you and I’m just your peer and you need to think of me like that instead, I’m also not willing to risk anything, either. I’m truly sorry in advance.

While I’m talking about tagging people / my taglist...If you want me to tag you in my writing, you need to be on my taglist. The taglist can be found [ here ] or you can dm / send an ask telling me you want to be added and I will be more than happy to do so. Don’t be afraid to ask me. I don’t mind at all!

Every now and then, I’ll tag my friends in things I write. If I tag you in something and you don’t want me to, let me know. I won’t do it anymore. I’m not here to overwhelm or annoy anyone and I don’t want to come off as pushy, either. SO.. if you’re getting tagged or whatever and you want me to stop tagging you, all you have to do is let me know.

If you’re not on my tag list (or I don’t know you well enough to know whether you’d potentially want to read something) I will not be tagging you. If you’re a minor and I know for sure/think you are and it’s smut, I will definitely not be tagging you.

Content I’m not willing to write or you probably won’t find here: Incest and Rape. Those are my hard no’s. Just the thought of writing something like that makes me feel gross. I’m also not going to be writing huge age gaps in romantic stories either. (the closest I’ll come is like.. 18/19 and up to 24...) I mean absolutely no offense against people who can and do write things like this, I just can’t?

American Horror Story; tate langdon, ben harmon, kit walker, kyle, dandy mott, jimmy darling, james patrick march, michael langdon, xavier plympton and night stalker.

Arrowverse; oliver queen, john diggle, slade wilson/deathstsroke, barry allen, cisco ramon, ray palmer, mick rory.

Bands / Celebrities; ask before sending because I haven’t done many of these and I’m still adjusting… Off the top of my head I’ve written for / feel comfortable with Nick Groff (ghost adventures), Jon Bernthal.. There are lots of others but alas, I’d stretch this out so badly if I added too many more names.

Boondock Saints movie; Connor Macmanus Murphy Macmanus & Rocco.

Breakfast Club movie; John Bender.

Castle Rock tv series; Dennis Zalewski, The Kid.

Criminal Minds; Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Hotch, Tobias Hankel & Adam/Amanda.

Crybaby Movie; wade walker.

CSI tv series; Greg Sanders, Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown, Gil Grissom, Tim Speedle, Ryan Wolfe, Eric Delko, Danny Messer, Don Flack, Mack Taylor.

Dazed & Confused movie; Randal Pink Floyd, Mike Newhouse, Ron Slater, Fred O’Bannion and Kevin Pickford.

DC Cinematic; Digger Harkness.

Detroit Rock City movie; Tripp, Lex, Hawk and Jam.

Fast & The Furious series; Dom Toretto, Han.

Four Brothers movie; Angel, Jack or Bobby Mercer

Friday Night Lights tv series; Tim Riggins, ,Matt Saracen, Landry Clarke, Bobby Riggins, Vince.

General Hospital tv series; Sonny Corinthos, Jason Morgan, Johnny Zacarra, Dante Falconeri, several other of the guys on here…

Ghostbusters 80′s version movie; Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler , Peter Venkman, Winston Zeddemore.

Gotham tv series; Jerome Valeska, Jim Gordon, Joker, Riddler.

Harry Potter movies; Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Neville Longbottom.

Horror movies various; Billy Loomis/Scream, Charlie Walker/Scre4m, Wade/ House of Wax, Tom Hanninger/My Bloody Valentine + others. Trust me, there are... So many others. I just didn’t have the brain power to think of them all at the moment.

Law & Order tv series; Barba, Carisi, Stabler.

Lucifer tv series; Lucifer Morningstar.

Luke Cage; Luke Cage, Shades Alvarez.

Marvel Cinematic; Bruce Banner/hulk, Captain america/steve rogers, bucky barnes/winter soldier, eric killmonger, hawkeye/clintbarton, thor, loki, pietro maximoff, venom/eddie brock, starlord/peter quill, ironman/tony stark, wolverine.. I’m a marvel ho.

Mayans MC tv series; Angel Reyes and Ez Reyes.

NCIS tv series; Anthony Dinozzo, Timothy McGee, Marty Deeks, Greg Callen.

On My Block tv series; Spooky Diaz.

Punisher tv series; Billy Russo, Frank Castle.

Riverdale tv series; Jughead Jones, FP Jones, Reggie Mantle, Sweetpea, Archie Andrews.

Shameless tv series; Lip Gallagher.

Sons of Anarchy tv series; Jax Teller, Chibs Telford, Clay Morrow, Juice Ortiz, Opie Winston.

Stranger Things tv series; Jonathan Byers, Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Jim Hopper.

Star Wars movie series; Han Solo, Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, Poe Dameron, Finn.

Supernatural tv series; Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Crowley, Benny Lafitte, Kevin Tran.

Teen Wolf tv series; Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Derek Hale.

The Crow movie series; Eric Draven and Jimmy Quervo/Wicked Prayer.

The Lost Boys movie series; Edgar Frog, Allen Frog, David, Michael Emmerson, Sam Emmerson.

The Outsiders book/movie; Two Bit Matthews, Dally Winston, Darry Curtis, Soda Pop Curtis, Johnny Cade, Steve Randle.

The Walking Dead tv series; Daryl Dixon, Shane walsh, Rick Grimes, Negan, Glenn Rhee.

The Vampire Diaries tv series; Klaus Mikaelson, Kai Parker, Kol Mikaelson, Jeremy Gilbert, Damon Salvatore.

Twelve Rounds 3 movie; Detective John Shaw.

Twilight movies/books; Jasper Hale, Emmett Cullen, Jacob Black, Paul Lahote, Embry Call.

I’m gonna be honest here. I post on my own time, at my own pace. Some days I post constantly, sometimes it’s days or even weeks, and occasionally, a month before I post anything. So.. Now ya know.

If I’m not on and posting, odds are I’m busy, taking a break or whatever. But I’ll come back! I always do.

Basically, what I’m saying here is I have no set posting schedule. At all. I post what I want when I’m in the mood to do so. Just something to keep in mind when you’re asking for headcanons / nsfw alphabet letters with characters.

#about the writer #psa #multifandom writer #multifandom about page

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serious-writers-block · 5 years ago

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Vessel - Chapter 31

Summary: Sam and Dean thought their lives were a living hell. When they find a young girl who shares their name and family business, neither of them can help but be curious about who she is and what she can do for them.

A/N: Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I’m currently on a study abroad program so I’m not doing much writing. Also, links are still causing me issues so if you’re new and want to read this go to my blog and you’ll find my Masterlist as well as the “Vessel” Masterlist.

Warnings: mentions of abuse, language

-------

“So, who is this?” Mary asked Sam as they climbed out of the Impala. Dean was already headed up the small hill to the small farmhouse while the younger two lingered near the car.

Sam cleared his throat, “Sonny, he runs a boys’ home. Dean lived here for a little while when we were kids.”

“Dean lived here?” MJ wondered as they followed him up. It was eerily similar to a place she had been before and she did her best to hide her discomfort.

“Yeah, he loved it,” Sam admitted.

When the three reached the door, an older man revealed himself before Dean even had a chance to knock. The man wore a wide grin that Dean immediately reciprocated. Sam and Mary exchanged a look before they too offered polite smiles.

“D-Dog,” the man said, pulling Dean in for a hug, “how you been?”

“Good, good,” Dean nodded. He stepped aside so that Sonny could see the newest Winchester as he said, “Sonny, I’d like you to meet our little sister, Mary.”

“Sister?” he raised his eyebrows at the boys, “you never-”

“We didn’t know last time we saw you,” Sam explained, “our dad never told us about her.”

Sonny looked to the young girl, “well if these boys consider you family, you’re family to me.” He grinned again. He ushered the Winchesters into the house where he explained his reason for calling them.

“Wait, so no case?” Dean asked.

Sonny shook his head, “I wanted you here for my retirement party. I mean, I wouldn’t still be around if it weren’t for you and your brother. You deserve a spot at the table.”

“I can’t believe you’re retiring,” the oldest muttered, “what’s going to happen to all the kids?”

“There’s hardly any that are brought here nowadays, and anyway there are more boys homes,” he shrugged, “I’m not the only one in this line of work.”

“Yeah but you… you’re a legend.”

Sonny laughed, “it’s nice that you think so, but even legends need a break. Anyway, Dean, you and Sam are in your old room, Mary I’ll need to make a little space upstairs for you.”

She hesitantly smiled, “no worries.” After showing her to the attic room, Sonny left Mary to get settled and returned to the Winchester brothers so they could catch him up on their discovery and acceptance of their little sister.

“Your old man really hid her from you, all those years?” Sonny repeated once they finished, as if he still couldn’t understand John’s actions.

Sam shrugged a little, “it wasn’t the first time. We had a brother we didn’t know about until he was dead.”

“Sonny,” Dean wanted to steer the conversation away from John and his mistakes, “we’re worried about her. There’s something she’s not telling us.”

“And you think she’d tell the stranger she just met? The old man with a ponytail living on a farm with a bunch of kids? Boys, if she spent her life in foster care, she’s used to keeping her guard up. If she won’t tell you, she likely won’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, but, you’re you. You always managed to get us to talk, no matter how messed up we were when you got us,” he reminded him.

“After weeks of poking and prodding and convincing you that I wasn’t gonna beat you for whatever shit you told me,” Sonny shook his head, “Dean, I can’t just force something out of someone if they’re not ready to talk about it.”

“Then just,” Dean interrupted him, “talk to her and tell us what you think. You know the signs, you always said.” Sam looked between his brother and the older man. “Like when we met. Go talk to her, see if it’s really werewolves.” Dean was alluding to a previous conversation with Sonny, but Sam had no way of knowing what exactly he was referring to. It was clear however that Sonny knew more about the reality of their upbringing than Sam originally thought.

Sonny paused and looked at the boys, “I’ll talk to her.” Dean let out a sigh of relief, “but I can’t promise anything.”

~~~

Clearing his throat, Sonny leaned against the doorway to the small attic room MJ had been set up in, “sorry I wasn’t better prepared for a third Winchester.”

She looked up at him from where she sat on the small, twin sized mattress that had been set up on the floor for her. “That’s okay,” she smiled, “most people aren’t.”

“Dean said you grew up in foster homes,” he nodded, “in Illinois.”

“Yeah, almost 18 years,” she confirmed, “our dad didn’t tell anyone about me, Sam and Dean stumbled across me last spring.”

“I met your old man once,” Sonny started, pushing himself off the wall. With a nod toward the bed, as if asking permission to join her, he sat down. He groaned as his old body lowered toward the ground, “he was something else.”

“How so?”

“When Dean was first brought to me, he had these bruises up and down his arms. He told me it was werewolves, I just figured he was being a smartass and protecting John’s-”

She interrupted him, “Dad didn’t-”

“That’s not what I’m saying,” he assured her, “I know now that it probably was werewolves that caused the physical injuries, but Dean showed some other textbook signs…”

“No offense, Sonny, but why are we talking about this? I haven’t seen John since I was seven.”

“Your brothers are worried about you,” he admitted, “so am I.” MJ rolled her eyes before Sonny continued, “I made some calls, I’ve got a few friends who run homes in Illinois.” Mary’s face dropped, unsure of how much or how little he’d been told, “why didn’t you tell your brothers you were placed somewhere between Chicago and Peoria?”

She shifted awkwardly as she tugged at her sleeve, “I wasn’t there for long.”

“Mary-”

She shook her head, interrupting him, “I don’t want… it doesn’t matter now, I don’t know why they keep pushing.”

“I’m not going to make you talk, but in my experience it’s usually better if you do.”

“Sonny-”

“Just, think about it, kid. Believe me, I’ve heard it all before.”

MJ scoffed, “I doubt that.”

He eyed her suspiciously, “try me.”

“Well,” she started, almost with a laugh, “I met God.”

“God?”

She nodded, “he saved me from hell, healed my wounds. I’m scar free…” her voice trailed off, clearly something about the way Chuck healed her was bothering her.

“Scar free?” Her allusion was all Sonny needed to confirm his fears, “even-”

“Everything,” she confirmed, “it’s like… it’s like none of it ever happened. Like I imagined all of it.” Her voice was quiet, but it was still loud enough that Dean could hear it from where he stood in the hallway. He hadn’t planned on eavesdropping, but when he heard Sonny and his sister talking, he knew he couldn’t interrupt.

“Mary,” Sonny was patient, knowing he needed to be cautious if he was going to get her to say anything more, “what scars were taken away?”

She was quiet, internally debating whether or not to reveal her secrets, “My foster dad, after Carter but before the priest, he was kind of an ass. There wasn’t anywhere close to send me, or at least that’s what I was told. I ended up on a farm in a small town a few hours south of Chicago. I was only seven, my foster dad didn’t want to take me in because I was so young. He liked to have boys on the farm, said they were better at doing the farm work than girls, but he found uses for me.” Sonny let her speak, wanting her to have complete control of the conversation.

“I was so young, sometimes I think I must’ve made it all up, maybe it wasn’t as bad as I think it was,” she picked at the hole in her jeans, not wanting to look at the other man, “but the scars were like my proof,” she scoffed, “proof that I was his personal fucking ash tray for six months.”

Sonny sighed and closed his eyes, running his hand down his face. He was familiar with exactly the kind of man the girl had lived with.

“But now,” she continued, “I don’t even have that. I just have the twisted memory of the burning ashes and his dirty hands.” The floor creaked near the doorway, prompting MJ to look toward it. It didn’t take long for her to realize it was one or both of her brothers, “you can come out now.”

Dean stepped out, but for once he didn’t look ashamed for listening to a conversation he shouldn’t have. He looked angry, “MJ-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she seemed calmer than she had before, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

He shook his head, the anger dissipating from his face, “you don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

Sonny looked at the two Winchesters before standing with a groan, “I’ll let you two talk.” When he left, Dean took his spot on the mattress and waited for her to speak.

“I think it’s why they took me in, in Peoria,” she finally broke the silence, “they knew I was pretty fucked up based on my file, but Sister Sarah was the only person willing to meet me. My foster dad, he blamed the burns on my previous home, tried to convince people I’d actually started the fire in Chicago. Sister said she knew that could never be true after meeting me, so she insisted on taking me in, even though they usually only took siblings from the parish.” Dean was quiet, taking in everything MJ had said. Before continuing, she rolled the sleeves of her flannel up to reveal her forearms, “when Chuck healed me, he healed everything. All my scars disappeared, all the burns, they’re gone. I don’t… I mean, I had just gotten used to the way they looked. I was starting to feel like I didn’t have to hide it and then they disappeared. Now it’s like none of it really happened.”

“Hey,” Dean interrupted his sister, “you don’t need scars to prove what you’ve been through. I believe you; Sammy will believe you. What matters is that you’re here with us now and that you’re safe.”

Tears were beginning to well up in MJ’s eyes, “I just… I was starting to feel like I was crazy, like I’d imagined-”

“You’re not crazy, MJ,” he started with a gentle voice before he grew more insistent, “you could never be crazy. You were a kid who was treated like shit and I swear to god if I knew where that man was, I’d find him and I’d string him up and-”

“De.”

“Sorry,” he slowed himself down, “this isn’t about what I’d do and what I want. What I need to know is what you need. What can I do to help you?”

“Honestly?” she let out a breath as if Dean knowing the true finally made it possible for her to breathe again, “I don’t know that there’s anything you can do. Just be here. Let me just… exist. We don’t have to constantly be talking about it. If I need something, I can tell you, but I mostly just want to keep moving, keep living.”

“Is that really the best-”

“Dean, I’ve had ten years to deal with this stuff. My world doesn’t stop just because you finally found out about it.”

He paused for a moment, taking in what she had said, “you know, you’re kind of awesome.” MJ smiled at him. “I mean it, you must’ve gotten it from your mom’s side because you sure as hell didn’t get it from Dad.”

She nudged his shoulder, “then where did you get it from, eh?”

“I mean it, kid,” he smiled, “you’re just… Dad would be amazed if he knew how good you turned out.”

“All things considered?”

Dean shook his head, “nah, you’d be incredible even if you hadn’t been put through so much shit. You’re probably the best Winchester ever,” she laughed at him and Dean reveled in how happy she sounded, “but if you tell Sammy I said that, I’ll deny it.”

As her laughter quieted, she began carefully, “there is one thing you can do for me, Dean.”

“Name it.”

“Can you tell him?” she was referring to Sam, Dean knew without asking, “I don’t think I could bare to see his face when he finds out.” He understood exactly what she meant. Sam was fairly easy to read and when it came to Mary, he was terrible at hiding his emotions. Dean could clench his jaw and put on a brave face for the sake of his sister, but pity, distress, and regret would paint Sam’s face as he heard the story.

“Sure thing, sweetheart.”

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acebarba · 6 years ago

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list of hcs pertaining to trans sonny in no particular order because i have no self control

-deadname is daffodil (named after his grandma who passed before he was born)

-nickname came from when he was a baby. he'd always find his way into and mess around in his mom's and gina and tessa's sunflower garden

-his dad actually gave him his nickname (sunny with a u)

-he actually really liked his nickname so before he came out he asked people to just start spelling it with an o instead

-first realized that being a girl just didn't feel right when he was around 10 years old

-he came out to bella when he was 15 (she was 13)

-came out to the rest of his family when he was 17

-gina and tessa were actually 100% fine with it, they even offered to go out with him so he could get new clothes!

-his parents took longer to convince but they ended up being mostly ok with it

-they still have a tendency to run their mouths about trans people though, sonny usually lets it slide but if it gets into Yikes™ territory he'll speak up

-started t and birth control the next year

-got top surgery in his early 20s

-he never bothered to get bottom surgery, both because he didn't really care and because it'd just be more strain on his wallet, so he just uses a packer

-being trans is actually why he skipped around precints before staying with the 16th

-he'd always try to keep it secret before being outed to everyone and getting shit for it

-the reason he only stayed a week in queens was that everyone found out on his first day (his commanding officer outed him straight up) and he didn't receive any backup when he'd called for it when the perp he was chasing had shot at him and nearly killed him

-olivia was actually the first non transhobic commanding officer he'd ever had

-in the beginning she was the only one who knew because he really didn't want to have to switch out again due to being constantly harassed by his own squad

-he came out to rafael after they'd gone drinking together and went back to sonny's place to hang out (somewhere between seasons 16 and 17)

-they also both came out to each other as bi/ace!

-they started dating shortly after that actually

-next person he came out to was amanda due to the events of transgender bridge (s17e03) (i actually wrote about that, if you wanna find it on my blog it should be under the 'platonic rollisi' tag)

-fourth and final person was fin, sonny just thought he should know since he was the only person on the squad he hadn't told and the only other person he trusted enough to tell

-highkey nervous when the topic of trans people is brought up because outing himself his still something he's terrified of

-he also gets really passionate to the point that he actually did almost out himself to the rest of the precinct (amanda covered for him no problem)

-still gets bouts of dysphoria now and again

-sometimes when he takes of his shirt he'll just stare at his top surgery scars in the mirror with an overwhelming sense of self doubt until either it goes away or rafael snaps him out of it

-the Moustache was actually an attempt to be more masculine that he still severely regrets

-knows he passes in the public eye but still gets self consious sometimes

-but more often then not he's very comfortable in his identity

-has a tie with the trans flag colors that rafael got him one year that he loves bc it can show off his pride without being too overt about it

-goes to ny pride every year with the squad (both for safety reasons and just to have a good time)

-will maybe add more in the future

#dominick sonny carisi #sonny carisi #rafael barba #barisi #(a little)#amanda rollins #platonic rollisi #(again a little but still)#odafin tutuola #olivia benson #law and order svu #svu #.txt #.hc #i just love trans sonny so much y'all

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eclecticminded · 6 years ago

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A seduction pt 2

anonymous asked: Will there be a sequel to barba and reader seducing sonny?

Here it is!! Hope you like!! Part One

Rafael works late so you spend time with Sonny until he’s home.

Warnings: Sex. Food and alcohol mention. Cursing?

Tags: @southsiderepresent @glimmerglittergirl @madpanda75 @southern-magnolia @katmstanton @esparza-army @sweetsummertime99 @obfuscateyummy @lifeisbetterwithbarba @lyssa1385 @hux-me-up @bowieisawizard anyone else ask!

Also I have a Kofi (link in blog description) if anyone wants to donate!

A few weeks after you and Rafael slept with Sonny, you three were best buds. They were still professional at work of course, but at least once a week you all hung out. You’d gotten into a heated make out session more than once with Sonny on Rafael’s work couch waiting for him to finish working. But they of course retaliated by making out when you had work to finish at home. Sony insisted on cooking when he visited, so it gave you and Rafael time to make out too. Lots of kissing, but somehow you hadn’t had sex again.

Tonight you were supposed to have Sonny over for dinner but Rafael called and said he would be working late. You pouted of course, but he insisted you keep your plans. He made you promise no sex without him. It was a simple request you swore to honor. Sonny was thrilled you were still having dinner with him; he’d been deciding what to cook all week.

Sonny showed up a little after six with grocery bags and a big hug for you. Music was playing and you’d already set the table. While he cooked you sat on the counter and chit chatted about your days. He explained Rafael had to work late to prep a last minute witness. You understood but still pouted.

Once dinner was done, Sonny dished up two plates and even pulled your chair out for you. He doted on you like Rafael did and you ate it up. The conversation continued as you ate. The steak nearly melted in your mouth and you let out an audible moan that Sonny teased you about the rest of the meal. You washed the dishes while Sonny kissed your neck.

“I promised Rafi I wouldn’t have sex with you without him here,” you pulled away and tried to control yourself. Sonny’s lips on your neck had driven you wild.

“No sex. Fine,” Sonny smirked, “What did he say about kissing?”

“Nothing,” you drew the word out following his logic.

“Then let’s go,” Sonny pinched your ass and took off for the sofa.

“You don’t play fair,” you climbed onto his lap, straddling him.

“I’m not the boyfriend, I don’t have to play fair,” he bit your lip and sucked it between his teeth.

“You trying to play the bad boy on me Sonny,” you flicked your tongue against his lips.

“Might be,” he nibbled your jaw.

“I don’t think you have it in you,” you stuck your chest out in defiance.

“Don’t I,” Sonny gripped your thighs and flipped you so he was hovering above you.

“Sonny,” your giggles were cut off by his lips crashing into yours harshly. He was all teeth and tongue and you felt your core growing wet from the roughness. He tugged at your hair and moved to suck on your pulse point.

“I like this side of you,” you breathed heavily.

“I’m just getting started,” he bit down hard enough you cried out and returned to your lips.

“I said no sex,” Rafael’s voice scared both of you, he had snuck in.

“We were only making out,” you pleaded; your lips were already swollen.

“Go on then,” Rafael motioned you on.

“There’s a pate for you in the microwave,” Sonny grinned wickedly before reattaching his lips to yours.

“Thank you Sonny,” Rafael retrieved his plate and a glass of scotch. He ate while you and Sonny made out like teenagers.

“Rafa,” Sonny’s chest heaved in question as his long fingers came to rest on your jeans button.

“Fuck her good,” Rafael winked. Sonny harshly removed your jeans and panties, burying his face in your wetness.

“I’ve needed this all week,” he started lapping and your back arched in response. His tongue drew circles and your clit was sucked between his lips. Two long rough fingers had you cumming in no time.

“Good girl,” Rafael cooed as he palmed himself and kept eating.

“Shirt off,” Sonny barked and in a mess of limbs you lost your shirt while he tossed all his clothes to the side. His cock was down your throat and you gagged hard. He pulled out and pumped gently in and out before letting you take over. You bobbed and sucked, moving your hand for added sensation.

“I’m ready Sonny,” you batted your eyes and moved to bend over the arm of the sofa. Sonny pulled a condom from his pants and rolled it in. With no warning, he pushed into you and started slamming away without waiting for you to adjust.

“You okay doll,” he growled without slowing down.

“Smack her ass,” Rafael chimed in and Sonny let down a flurry of spanks. Your yips made both of their cocks twitch.

“You already came,” Sonny fisted your hair, “my turn.”

Yesss Sssssonny,” your “s” from each word melded together as he picked up his pace. His hands gripped both of your hips tight enough you would have his finger prints bruised into you and it drove you wild. You looked over to Rafael and he had finished eating and was just sipping his drink now. Sonny used you to find his own release and came with a throaty moan.

“Thanks doll,” he helped you up and threw the condom away. Returning to the sofa, he pulled you against his bare chest and you nuzzled against it. Rafael palmed himself again and it gave you a wicked idea. You whispered to Sonny and dropped to your knees, crawling to Rafael; Sony followed suit.

“What’s this,” Rafael bit his lip while you undid his pants and Sonny tugged them to his ankles. You pulled his cock out and Sonny licked the tip. Sonny fondled Rafael’s balls while you jacked him, you took turns sucking. Your free hand scratched at Rafael’s bare thigh and he groaned appreciatively.

“I think it’s your turn to fuck her,” Sonny whispered up to Rafael then swallowed his cock.

“I think so too,” Rafael nudged your bodies backwards and you moved to the sofa. Sonny sat down and pulled your head into his lap while Rafael stripped and put a condom on. Rafael lapped at your folds briefly to get a taste, then slide in slowly. You held Sonny’s hand and he played with your hair while Rafael pulled out and shoved back in.

“You look so sexy taking his cock,” Sonny squeezed your hand and you blushed. Rafael started thrusting faster and moved a hand to rub your clit. The only sounds were skin on skin and the moans that slipped from your swollen lips. After your orgasm, Rafael gripped your hips above Sonny’s bruises and started fucking you. In a few short thrusts he was cumming with a deep growl.

“Thank you,” you sing songed while sitting up sandwiched between them both after Rafael threw the condom away.

“For…” they trailed off in unison.

“Fucking me,” you pecked both of them and enjoyed the dull ache in your stomach.

“I’m going to bed,” Rafael yawed and gathered his and your clothes, with a kiss to Sonny’s puckered lips he was gone.

“I should go too, he can’t sleep without being held,” you grabbed Sonny’s hand, “Join us?”

“Maybe next time,” he got dressed quickly, “I have to watch my niece tomorrow bright and early.”

“Text me when you’re home,” you kissed Sonny and locked the door behind him. After brushing your teeth you wrapped around Rafael and fell asleep pressed to his back.

[To: You and Rafael 11:33pm] Made it home. Round three won’t take as long to happen I hope. ;)

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madpanda75 · 6 years ago

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“Birthdays and Betrayals: Part One” Part of Hostage Series

It’s been a hot second since I’ve written about my little Barba family. This story was getting long, I had to break it up.

Part Two

If you want to read my Hostage story and other Barba Family drabbles, check out my Masterlist.

Thanks for all the likes, comments, and re-blogs! It means so much to me! ❤️ If anyone else wants to be tagged, let me know!

Blood soaked the front of Rafael’s shirt, his whole body wracked by sobs as he clung to your cold pale lifeless form on the dirty floor of the bodega. “Please mi amor, don’t leave me! Come back!” He felt a hand on his shoulder shaking him and the faint sound of his name being called. The ADA smacked the hand away, “No, leave me with her!”

The hand became more persistent, shaking him harder, the voice calling his name louder, pulling him away,“Rafael! Rafael!” He opened his eyes to see your face filled with concern hovering over him. Looking around, he was no longer in the cold bodega but in your shared bedroom, bright light filtering through the curtains.

“Rafi, it’s ok. It was just a dream.” You wiped away the tears from his eyes and lovingly ran your fingers through his hair, slightly dampened with sweat. He held you close to him, afraid that you would disappear and his nightmare was actually his reality. “Cálmate mi amor. I’m right here, I got you.” You rubbed his back in soothing circles, you were used to your husband’s nightmares, even though they broke your heart. Lately, it seemed as if they were becoming more frequent, it was concerning.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked after holding your husband for several minutes. Rafael shook his head, letting go of his hold on you, “No…I’m ok. I need to grab a shower.” He left the bed and walked towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

You were just about to go check on your husband when a tiny voice came through the baby monitor “Mama,” Mila cried. Getting out of bed, you went to go tend to your little girl.

Rafael rubbed his face with his hands roughly before staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, the deep lines etched in his face and the bags under his eyes showed that he had been plagued for weeks with restless bouts of sleep. Nightmares were not a new thing for Rafael, he had been tormented for years by dreams of his father beating him and his mother, but now the nightmares were transforming.

Now he would dream of watching you die in that little bodega you were held hostage in almost a year ago. He would be trapped outside, banging on the door, unable to get in as he watched your captor shoot you in your swollen stomach, you would stare at him, pleading for help, blood seeping out of your body, your eyes glazing over as you collapsed onto the floor. As the one year anniversary of the incident crept closer, the dreams were becoming more vivid. Trying to shake the images from his head, He shed his clothes and got in the shower, making the water so hot it would tinge his skin pink. The sting of the water serving as a distraction from his thoughts.

For months he had been haunted by what had happened to you that day. The ADA had felt so helpless, it tore him to pieces that there was nothing he could do but sit and wait for the terror to end. He was the one that was supposed to save you, he was the one that was always supposed to be your protector and that day he felt as if he failed you. His words, his actions, they all fell short and he almost lost you and Mila.

Rafael headed into the kitchen to pour himself some coffee, watching you play with your daughter in her high chair, you were so happy. After noticing a change in your demeanor, Olivia had recommended a therapist to help you cope with what had happened. The counseling sessions were working, you had made incredible progress over the past few months, getting back to your old self.

There were moments where he could feel his anxieties and worry threaten to boil over inside him and he desperately wanted to confess everything to you, but he just couldn’t bear the thought of burdening you with everything he was feeling, not after you had come so far.

“Mila, I’m going to eat your ear.” You teased, making the baby laugh. “No Mama!”

“Yes Mila!!” You playfully growled and nibbled on her ear making the little girl squeal with laughter.

You glanced over at your husband, he seemed so far away at the moment, you knew something was bothering him. “What time should I pick you up this afternoon Rafi?”

Today you both were going to buy supplies for Mila’s birthday party. Your therapist had recommended focusing on the positive and you thought a party for your baby’s first birthday would be a perfect way to do that. Your husband looked out the kitchen window, his mind drifting off somewhere else. You playfully threw a cheerio in his direction when he didn’t respond to your question. “Raf? You awake over there?”

“Hmmm….oh I actually can’t come. I have to be in court today. I’m sorry, I just…...completely forgot.” You looked skeptically at your husband, arching your brow. The beauty of working so close together was that you pretty much knew his schedule, all of his cases were your cases. “Huh, Liv never mentioned any new cases you had.”

“This just came up, I’m sure Sonny will fill you in tomorrow.” Trusting your husband, you decided to drop it.

“Ok, but you’re going to miss all the fun. Right Mila?” The baby smiled and clapped her hands against the high chair table as you fed her more Cheerios.

Rafael nodded his head and put his empty mug in the dishwasher, before glancing at his watch, “I’m running late, I better go.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in concern at your husband’s behavior, watching him make a beeline for the door. Mornings used to be chaotic but fun, the two of you would playfully flirt, stealing the occasional kiss while you scampered around getting everyone ready for the day, but lately you barely talked to one another. Grabbing the baby, you followed him to the foyer, “Raf, you ok?”

He smiled, although there was such sadness behind his eyes. “I’m fine.” He gave you a quick peck on the lips and kissed Mila’s cheek, “See you girls tonight. Have a good day.” Before you could say goodbye, he shut the door behind him leaving you and your baby standing by the door.

Mila waved at the door, “Papi, bye bye?” You looked down at your daughter, putting on a smile to mask your worry, making a mental reminder to talk to your husband when he got home. “Yeah, Papi go bye bye.” You stared at the door for a moment, before walking towards your daughter’s bedroom. “Come on mi muñequita, let’s get ready to do some shopping.”

“Which one Mila, the pink balloons or the purple balloons?” You asked, holding two packages in front of her. Your daughter smiled wearing a pink birthday tiara that was just too darn cute, you had to get it for her. She reached out her arms, grabbing for both of them.

“I like your style chica. Why not have both.” You looked down at your cart, there were enough party supplies in there to decorate all of Manhattan. Maybe you were going a tad overboard, but how many times does your baby have her first birthday. With a shrug, you added the packages to your arsenal.

Just as you were headed over to the piñatas, your phone buzzed. Sonny’s name flashing on your screen, your heart sank a bit, you hoped it was Rafael, after he had left this morning, he had been on your mind all day.

“Hi Sonny. What’s up?”

“Hey Y/N. Sorry to bother you on your day off, but do you have the Munford file? Liv is going to brief Dodds over it today and I can’t find it anywhere.”

You closed your eyes, mentally picturing where you left that file. “Check my desk, to the right of my coffee mug.” Sonny walked over to where you instructed, sifting through files and paper that littered your office space, “Jeez, Y/N. Your desk is a mess, ever think about maybe organizing yourself a bit.”

“When you work a full time job and take care of a one year old then come and talk to me about making my desk look pretty.” You could picture Sonny nodding his head through the phone, “Point taken. Hey speaking of which how is my little goddaughter? She wearing you and Barba out already?”

You looked at your little girl and laughed, she had taken it upon herself to tear open one of the streamer bags, making her look like a pink and purple mummy. “Mila is definitely in party mode, but Raf isn’t here. He had to be in court today.”

“Hmm, that’s funny. We just left his office trying to find this file and Carmen said he was with you.”

Now you were scared, something was definitely wrong. Sonny heard silence on the other end of the line and knew you were worrying about your husband. “Ya’ know maybe Carmen made a mistake, he might be in court today.”

“Yeah...maybe,” you mumbled although you knew better. Carmen wouldn’t make a mistake like that.

“Look I gotta get this file to Liv, but don’t stress about Barba, ok? I’ll see ya tomorrow.” You ended the call with Sonny and immediately dialed Rafael’s number, the call went straight to voicemail. You felt so helpless in that moment, something had been eating away at Rafael, he had been so secretive the last few months, but you didn’t know how to address the situation. How can you help someone when they have completely shut you out.

As you and Mila left the store, you were debating whether to go to Rafael’s office or wait for him at home when your daughter jumped up and down in your arms pointing across the street. “Papi!!! Papi!!” She exclaimed.

Your eyes followed to where Mila was pointing, there was Rafael waiting in front of a restaurant. You were just about to call his name when a taxi pulled up, a woman stepped out of the cab and hugged your husband. Her face was turned away from you but you saw Rafael smile at her as he led her into the restaurant.

You stood there, staring at the restaurant, wanting to walk inside and confront your husband about his mysterious whereabouts, but your feet were frozen to the sidewalk, you couldn’t move. You smiled at your daughter and blinked back the tears that were beginning to form in your eyes.

“You know Mila, I am sure there is a rational explanation why Papi lied and is eating lunch with a complete stranger. Probably best not to jump to any conclusions, right?” You felt like a fool, trying to rationalize your husband’s antics to your one year old daughter. Mila stared at you with expectant green eyes and nodded her head. “Bes Mama!” She kissed your cheek and put her head on your shoulder. “Thank you baby,” you whispered, snuggling closer to your little girl, biting back the sting of tears.

You sat at the kitchen counter and sipped on a glass of wine, waiting for Rafael to come home. Your emotions had taken you on a roller coaster ride that day, you had gone from worry, to fearful, to sadness and now you were just downright pissed off. You wanted answers and you wanted them now.

Finishing off your wine, you poured yourself another glass when Rafael opened the door. “Hey, sorry I’m late, we ran over in court.” You mentally rolled your eyes, “I’m sure you did,” you muttered under your breath.

Your husband kissed the top of your head before opening the fridge staring at its contents. “I didn’t have time to make dinner today.” You said.

“That’s ok, we can order in.” He opened a kitchen drawer sifting through the takeout menus. “Where’s Mila?”

“She’s sleeping, she had a long day and I would appreciate it if you didn’t disturb her,” you snapped, finishing off your second glass of wine. Rafael raised his eyebrows, watching as you poured another glass for yourself, “Y/N, you ok? Did something happen today?”

You laughed but there was no joy behind it, “You could say that, Rafael. After hearing from my partner that you lied about where you were today. I saw you or I should say your daughter saw you walking into a restaurant with another woman. Care to explain yourself? Why you’re lying and sneaking around behind my back?!” Your husband stared at you, his mouth agape.

You walked into the kitchen, getting right in his face, feeling your anger bubble over. “What’s this? The famous ADA with a mouth that won’t quit is silent. Who is she Rafael? ” Your husband’s jaw clenched, as he looked at you.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you let out a breath, bracing yourself to ask the question that had been on your mind since that afternoon. “Are you having an affair? Cause if you are, then I hope she’s worth losing your family over.”

“I’m not having an affair.” He softly said, backing away and moving to the living room, you followed him, hot on his heels. “Don’t walk away from me! Look me in the eyes and tell me how I’m supposed to believe that. When you’ve been lying and acting strange for weeks! Who is she?!”

Rafael sat on the couch, running a hand over his face. “It’s Mrs. Rojas.” Now it was your turn to be silent, staring at your husband in disbelief. “We’ve kept in touch throughout the year. Sometimes we meet up for lunch or coffee, just to talk.”

You were shocked at your husband's admission, out of all the scenarios that ran through your mind that day, you did not expect this. After several minutes of silence, your husband continued. “I have been……..struggling. My mind just keeps going over what happened last year. I can’t sleep, I can’t….focus. So on days when I just can’t cope, I go and meet Mrs. Rojas. We talk and she helps me put things into perspective.”

While you should have felt relief, what you felt was betrayal. This wasn’t the first time Rafael had kept secrets from you. When you were engaged, he hid the death threats he had been receiving for a year, only telling you after he was threatened on the courthouse steps. The first year of your marriage, he hid Ashtonja Abreu from you, only confessing when the DA suspended him for giving Ashtonja’s mother drug money so she could testify for him. You thought you were done with the secrets and now Mrs. Rojas. How could you ever trust your husband.

You understood the need to talk to someone, even you had seen a therapist this year. Rafael had attended a few sessions with you. This felt different though, it was such an emotional betrayal. Mrs. Rojas wasn’t a professional, she was a stranger. Why couldn’t your husband come to you?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked.

“Because I didn’t want to burden you with my problems. I don’t want to upset you or take you back to that dark place you were this year after everything that happened.”

You were becoming irate at his explanations for his secrets, the last thing you wanted to be perceived as is a victim, especially by your husband. “I am your wife! Your feelings are never a burden. We should be talking to each other about this stuff!” You were so hurt in that moment, your husband was your best friend, you told him everything. Why couldn’t he do the same for you. “Is that what you think of me? That I’m too fragile? Too weak?”

“No cariño, I just-,” before he could finish, you interrupted him. “Don’t “cariño” me! Just answer me this, what does Mrs. Rojas have that I don’t. Why can you be open with her about your feelings instead of me? Why Rafi?”

Tears began to stream down your cheeks while Rafael stared at the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He said in a barely audible whisper.

“You’re always sorry! You were sorry about the death threats, you were sorry about Ashtonja, now you’re sorry about Mrs. Rojas. What’s next, huh?? What other secrets will you be sorry for?” You stormed out of the living room and headed towards the bedroom.

Pulling a suitcase out from under the bed, you marched around your room grabbing clothes and toiletries. You were so hurt, so betrayed, so angry that you couldn’t be in that apartment with him anymore. Your fight or flight instincts kicked in as you packed your suitcase before heading into Mila’s room to do the same.

Rafael followed you in a panic, begging and pleading with you to stay, “Y/N, please! Where are you going? Don’t do this, don’t leave with my daughter! I’m sorry!” He reached out to try and embrace you.

“Don’t touch me! I just can’t be here with you right now! I can’t even look at you!” Your shouts woke your daughter, she cried as you picked her up and walked towards the door.

“Papi! Papi! No Mama!!!! Want Papi!!!!” She cried and screamed, trying to squirm out of your grasp. It just about broke your heart, but you couldn’t leave without her. He chased after you all the way outside, not caring if he made a scene.

Your husband reached out for you one more time, pleading with you to stay. He shouted the same words he would shout in his nightmares, “Please mi amor. Don’t leave me, come back!”

You quickly hailed a taxi, looking back at him before you closed the door, “Now you won’t have to worry about burdening me. Why don’t you go talk about it with Mrs. Rojas. I'm sure she could help.” He chased after the taxi for a block before it disappeared around the corner. You let out a sob, holding Mila as you both cried.

“Where to Ma’am?” The taxi driver asked. You were so caught up in everything, not even knowing where you were heading. Where could you go at 9 on a Wednesday night with a crying one year old. You would have called Sonny or your parents but they were all busy that night.

“Ma’am...where are we going?” The driver asked again, exasperated. You looked through your phone and gave him the first address you saw. He headed down the street while you made a call, hoping she would answer and let you stay with her. After several rings, she picked up the phone. You let out another sob, “Amanda…..can Mila and I come over?”

@amirightcounsellor @obfuscateyummy @letty-o @sweetsummertime99 @sonnysdoll @lyssa1385 @burningsorr0ws @katmstanton @mimiashton

#rafael barba fic #rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba fanfic #barba fic #barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #Rafael Barba x Reader x Mila #hostage #law and order svu imagine #law and order svu fic

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alwaysfine · 6 years ago

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𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐈 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐊𝐀 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐒 !

i honestly can’t believe it’s been a year already. it has actually flown by. originally on my multi muse, moving amanda and jesse to their own blogs was the best decision and i’ve been so thankful i did ever since. if i’m being honest, the only reason why i made jesse a sideblog at all was because i was so in love with the url ( badbagelll ) that i couldn’t not. but it turned out better than i could’ve ever anticipated. i’m so grateful for all the wonderful writing partners i’ve been blessed to not only write with, but get to know out of character. all of you are such kind, strong, inspiring, and golden hearted human beings with such creative minds and exceptional talent. i often ask myself what on earth i did, and how i got so lucky to meet you all.

i am so incredibly honored to have the opportunity to bring the independent, strong, unfairly gorgeous, quick witted, badass, and beautifully flawed amanda rollins to life. and not only do i get the pleasure of writing amanda, but our precious bad bagel, jesse.

all in all, amanda @ sonny in that gif is me @ every single person who i write with, who has ever messaged me ooc, and anyone who simply follows this blog. i can honestly say that writing these two characters has been the highlight of my writing journey. i adore each and every one of you, and i look forward to another year. xoxo.

******* under the cut i’m going to be gushing over those of you who still have your blogs and have truly helped to make this past year 𝚎𝚡𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 !

THE ELITE SQUAD.

@amaroed / dany ! writing nick and amanda with you has brought so much absolute joy into my life??? i’ve loved every single one of our threads and memes from them switching the sugar to salt at the precinct kitchenette to amanda becoming nick for halloween to nick trying to keep amanda awake after she caught a bullet to the side. you capture nick so well, and your love for him and danny himself exudes every time you write him. it’s honestly so beautiful to see. after writing with you, i can honestly say that my love for nick amaro increased even more. you are such a talented writer, and i’m forever honored to write with you!

@battleincarnate / maddie ! maddie maddie maddie, my iconic, legendary cher stan. i actually adore you so much i can’t even fully explain. from the first time i talked to you ooc, you just exuded genuine kindness, and were so chill and easy to talk to. i feel like that’s unfortunately super rare, so i just wanna thank you for that??? you’re such a rad friend, and i’m so lucky to have you!! ok as for muses go, i don’t even know where to start?? firstly, your writing is gorgeous and your ability to switch between muses like elliot stabler and ali dilaurentis is remarkable. secondly, what we’ve developed between elliot and amanda is truly one of my favorite relationships i’ve had the pleasure of establishing on this blog, even though we’ve never even gotten to see them together onscreen. i have loved every single thread we’ve ever done. from the first thread we did where they first meet and they literally want to kill each other, to them arguing over who gets to drive on their first day as partners, to all the million and ten things we’ve discussed on discord like their hardcore car karaoke parties and the fact that amanda will ask elliot to walk her down the isle in any verse where she’s married. amanda may be one of the biggest pains in his ass, and elliot may be one of the biggest pains in hers, but they love each other sm it’s so precious. amanda is also so much like elliot it kills me, and the dynamic we’ve created is literal gold. the phrase like father, like daughter has never applied more. he’s the king and she’s the lionheart without a doubt!

@cabotiisms / claire ! like i told you over discord, your portrayal of alex made me love her even more which, i didn’t even think was possible. your grasp on alex’s character, her motives, the way her mind works, is so on point. your love and passion for doing right by alex is so obvious when you write her. now, the big and little sister dynamic we’ve created for alex and amanda makes me smile so much i can’t even explain. i live for alex trying to get amanda out of the messes she gets herself into aka saving her little sister from being ripped to shreds by mom, and in general just being the sister she deserves. the threads we have going right now are quite literally perfect, and i adore them. and out of character? i love yelling at you about how dirty the svu writers did alex, and how dirty they’re currently doing amanda by bringing in cardio douche. but even more importantly, you are one of the most genuinely sweet people i’ve ever met. i adore you, and am so thankful we’re friends!

@drftwood / catie ! i don’t even know where to start. ok firstly, your ability to bring to life so many beautiful oc’s and occasional canon characters absolutely astounds me. you are so creative, all the ideas you come up with are so intriguing, and you have the ability to turn one small detail into an entire beautiful character so effortlessly. it’s so incredible. and this creativity so obviously carries into your writing. your writing is so fucking gorgeous i can’t even believe. every single character that we’ve ever written together has turned into such a beautiful relationship for amanda. chris, alex, and now jr? i mean, jr is such an important person in amanda’s canon now, and i can’t imagine altering her canon storyline in any other way, nor can i imagine anyone else taking on his role except for you. next, i can’t end this without saying how much i love talking to you ooc. like, from the minute we started talking when we started plotting amanda and alex, i knew we were gonna be friends. AND I WAS SO RIGHT. you have such a kind soul and such a big heart, you deserve all the happiness in the world. i am so lucky and proud to be able to call you a friend and ily!!

@etlegis / shep ! ok we literally started talking like 24 hours ago but i already adore you and your peter stone. it’s so obvious that you have his character down in your writing. it’s like i read your starter, and it felt like i was in an episode of svu. not only is your characterization of stone on point, but you are the GREATEST ooc. it was so easy to start talking to you, instafriends some may call it, and we just fell down a rollins/stone hole and i’m not even mad about it. you are such a gem in this community already and i’m so glad you’re here!!

@hellhaths / lara ! lara, i fucking adore you. like for real. i could tell from the second we started talking ooc that we were going to be friends. and i’m proud to say i was very right. you are such an exceptional writer, i can’t properly explain. you put so much into every character you write, and it truly amazes me. now, i think we both know i have to talk about your olivia ‘ squad mom ’ benson because …. wow. from the first introduction to your writing, the first thought i had was ‘ she’s literally olivia benson.’ and that first thread we did with amanda asking olivia about elliot while she was trying to figure out the situation with nick, and not only did it wreck my heart, but it was the beginning of the most legendary olivia / amanda dynamic i could’ve ever asked for. SHE’S LITERALLY HER MOTHER. liv arguing with amanda to stop playing angry birds because it kills her phone battery, confining amanda to desk duty when she does something dumb, taking away amanda’s keys …. the list is literally endless. despite how bratty liv’s dorter gets, we all know she still loves her. listen, you understand the complexities of liv so well, it absolutely astounds me. with twenty seasons of evolution to work with, you incorporate all of it so beautifully. you have her voice and mannerisms down to a tee, and i am so honored to write with you and call you a friend. i’m sending you all the love and light in the world right now, and just know i’m here for you always.

@moontide / angie ! girl, your amanda is so important to my jesse idk if i can even properly put it into words. when i first started writing jesse, i had no idea what type of interactions i would get. truthfully, i thought nobody would show any interest whatsoever and she would just be another blog that faded away. WHAT I NEVER IMAGINED IS WHAT I’VE WRITTEN WITH YOU. the amanda/jesse dynamic we’ve created is so complex and beautiful, and i love it so much. every single heart breaking thread and verse we’ve started or discussed, i love. jesse is so her mama’s daughter, and being able to have those interactions means so much to me, i just have to say thank you. and your amanda? so fantastic. i absolutely love the life you bring to her, and i’m so so so honored to write with you. and remember, even when she’s being a brat, jesse loves her mama more than anything.

@o188 / sunny ! holy shit!!! ok so, i need to start by telling you how big of a part you played in me giving amanda her own blog in the first place. when i found your blog and read your writing, i was, for the lack of a better word, s h o o k. to this day, i am still astounded anytime i read one of your replies, because when you write sonny, you become sonny carisi. from writing his dialogue, to his mannerisms, it’s perfection. and you yourself as a human being???? you’re actually golden and ily. you welcomed me into this community with so much warmth and love and i can never thank you enough!! ok, so now for muses. let me just start with the jesse/sonny dynamic. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SOMETHING SO PURE???? sonny carisi is the Best Dad, and jesse loves him endlessly, ok? alright, now for sonny and amanda. listen, i can’t even accurately explain how much my amanda loves your sonny. she would quite literally try and catch a falling star for him if he asked. writing amanda so open and trusting whenever she’s with him is so freakin’ beautiful, okay?? i’ve adored every single thread and meme we’ve ever started with them, from amanda telling him she’s pregnant with g, to the morning after, to post book of esther. their dynamic is so freakin’ important and what we’ve created with them is truly one of my favorite relationships i’ve ever written. oh, and writing them as parents of their precious baby girls?? quite literally makes my heart grow ten sizes. they are so soft, so beautiful, and i am both honored and grateful to have the opportunity to write that with you!!

@painbled / peaches ! cracks knuckles alright here goes!! HI I FREAKING LOVE YOU. you are one of the most genuine human beings i’ve met on here, and i am forever grateful that i chose to write topanga way back when. there was a chunk of time where we fell out of contact, but the second we started talking again, it was like NO TIME AT ALL HAD PASSED. that’s a true testament to our friendship, and i’m forever grateful for that! then, you went and decided to write noah porter benson aka amanda’s lil baby that’s not actually her baby, but she loves him like he is. she would throw down so hard for him, i’m forever emotional about it. the thread we have where liv’s in the hospital has me wrecked, but i also love it because there are so many mama!amanda vibes aimed at noah happening that it makes my heart warmer than the sun. then there’s jess and noah, and good freakin’ lord. THEY’RE SO CUTE I CAN BARELY STAND IT. they are freakin’ in love with each other and icb they’re gonna get married and have a family and liv and amanda are gonna be grandparents to the same kids. listen, both me, amanda, and jesse’s lives wouldn’t be the same without you and your muses in them. you are such a talented writer, and i will forever tell you that whenever you need reminding. thunder, lightning. peaches and honey always!!

@southbronxabogado / adrien ! wow wow wow wow wow. first of all, you are actually rafael barba. i’m convinced. every single thread is so accurate and it brings me so much joy to watch you bring him to life and give him the treatment he deserves. now, the relationship we’ve developed between amanda and rafael is truly one of my favorites. i went from oh yeah they’d be cute, to holy fucking shit they’re perfect in 0.000001 seconds after we first started plotting them. the dynamic they have is so genuine, and the way he treats her just makes my heart so happy. i’ve adored every thread we’ve ever started, from amanda thinking she freakin’ broke the toaster to the throwback thread of him taking her to that fancy benefit. now last but definitely not least, can i just say how wonderful you are ooc? like, i know i can jump into your im’s and start screaming at you enthusiastically in all caps about our idiots without worry. plotting and writing with you has been such a pleasure, and i absolutely adore you. truly. i can’t wait for all the million other things i’m sure we’ll do.

@thingsmissed / jennifer ! ok, so i haven’t really gotten much of a chance to write amanda or jesse with any of your muses, but i absolutely love having you on my dash and talking to you ooc! you put so much effort into all your muses, and it’s absolutely inspiring. you are without a doubt one of the sweetest people with one of the most genuinely kind, caring, and giving hearts that i’ve had the pleasure of meeting on here. you are always so much fun to talk to ooc, and i can always feel your kindness exuding through the screen. you are a very talented writer and i hope you never doubt that!!

#earlier this week marked #one year as amanda and jesse #i can't believe it #guys this is over 2000 words #aka i'm certain i've written more in this post #than i have written ic in the month of october thus far #lol #it's fineeeee #but seriously thank you guys sm for sticking with me wow #xoxoxoxo #( 05. OOC / should probably be doing homework. )

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seacafes · 6 years ago

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disney channel is going downhill: a rant.

Growing up in the early 2000s, I feel as though as a child, I witnessed the peak of Disney Channel entertainment. Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and That’s So Raven were just a few of the wonderfully relatable and entertaining shows I watched as a kid. The shows that Disney channel used to play tackled feminism, racism, body positivity, and had very diverse casts. The Disney Channel of the early 2000s sent some very positive messages to its young viewers long before we were old enough to understand how much we needed them. While a few newer kids shows may have some positive lessons or anecdotes in their episodes, the older shows seemed to more actively seek out opportunities to enlighten young audiences about what it means to be strong, well-rounded, and confident, no matter what their situation may be.

Back then, we had “That’s So Raven”, that not only featured a black female lead who was as bold as she was hilarious, was also unafraid to tackle issues like body shaming and racism in ways that felt natural. Raven taught us that people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and that we’re all beautiful. This shows in Season 2 Episode 8 of the show, released in April 2004, where Raven is excited over a vision of herself modeling her own clothes for a fashion show, until the magazine that sponsors it photoshops someone else's body over hers. Her body has been altered, and she appears much thinner than she really is. She is upset that her own body was not used, and also that the head of the agency only believes that there is only one look for all models. The fashion show director didn’t want Raven to model because she thought she was “plus size.”, and that apparently wasn’t good enough. In the end Raven stands up for herself and proves that it’s what’s on the inside that really counts, not the outside.

The channel also had a similar episode on Season 2 Episode 34 of the show the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, released in March 2007, where London and Maddie get insulted by Francesca (one of London's rich friends) while trying on clothes for a fashion show that they would both be participating in and then, after taking what she said and looking at themselves in a mirror that distorts their images (which can be seen as a reference to body dysmorphic disorder), both London and Maddie decide that they need to handle their weight issues before participating in a fashion show. London vows to lose weight and Maddie decides she must eat more to avoid being underweight. After London starves herself to the point of dizziness, while doing continuous laps around the hotel lobby, and Maddie has eaten several fast food burgers in a single day, the two prepare for the show, though as a result of their extreme methods, they both mess up their chance on stage. Afterwards, they discover that even London’s “perfect friend” Francesca has been stuffing her bra. This causes the two girls to agree that they are perfect the way they are, because nobody's perfect, saying, ‘What were we thinking? We were starving and stuffing ourselves, and we didn’t even need to do it. We should just be happy with the way we look. Next time one of your snarky friends makes a comment, let’s remind ourselves that we are perfect just the way we are.”

Along with tackling physical issues, Disney Channel had shows and movies with strong leading roles played by women like Kim Possible and Wendy Woo from "Wendy Woo Homecoming Warrior" that taught us that girls can be tough and powerful too. Lizzie McGuire was so feminist that "subtle" isn't even an appropriate adjective. The show regularly dealt with the pressures of gender stereotypes, while exploring exactly what it meant to be a young woman exploring her identity.. It had Alex Russo from Wizards of Waverly Place, a character full of confidence, smarts, and wit, who constantly surpassed the low expectations that society had set for her in the show. Her deep exploration of her identity could get pretty inspiring. Kim Possible taught some important feminist life lessons by teaching young women that it's totally cool to be a sassy overachiever, and you don’t have to be a man to be a hero.

All of these shows show that even though things might not be so good right now, everything will be okay in the end. They taught us how to react in certain situations, and how to handle the really hard ones. I still think back to episodes from my childhood when I find myself in a situation similar to one that I saw in one of my beloved shows, and because of them, I know what to do to make everything okay, or at least easier.

In the early 2000s, it felt as though disney were ahead of their time. Many people like to claim, and I agree, that 2010 was when everything began to go downhill. In Season 1 Episode 7 of the show Shake it Up released in December 2010, the two main character’s Rocky and CeCe attend a party, where they are serving food to the supermodel guests. While serving, a supermodel approaches them and says, “You are adorable! I could just eat you guys up. You know- if I ate.” And goes on to laugh with her entourage. Former Disney Star Demi Lovato, who had left her own show “Sonny With A Chance” to deal with her own struggles with an eating disorder, tweeted about the joke, “I find it really funny how a company can lose one of their actresses from the pressures of an eating disorder and yet still make joke about that very disease,” Demi noted at the time, referencing her own very public battle with the disease. She also asked, “What are we promoting here? #notfunnyATALL.” This episode was a sad thing to see, seeing as in the past, we had Raven Baxter, London Tipton, and Maddie Fitzpatrick teaching us that jokes like that were not okay. That same year, in Season 1 Episode 9 of So Random!, more eating disorder jokes were said. In one of the sketches, a girl has her boyfriend meeting her family for the first time. She tells them, “Angus only eats one full meal a week ask him why” to which Angus replies, “My agents always on me about looking my best. She says to me “Ang-y, if you eat too many carbs, you won’t get the jobs. And I said “I knooow”.” But that’s not all! In an episode of Dog with a Blog (which, yes, is about a talking dog who runs a blog), the mother says, “I've been bitten, scratched, mauled, and puked on. And only one of those was self inflicted." implying that she made herself throw up, making light of the eating disorder, bulimia. If you didn’t think it could get worse- you’re in for a surprise! In an episode of the show Jessie, a character in a Zebra costume can be seen running away from a zebra. The zebra ends up catching him, and one of the kids witnessing the attack calmly states, “dressed like that, you were asking for it.” Why was that comment needed on a children’s show, Disney? What message are you trying to portray there? That if you dress a certain way, you’re “asking for it”? I don’t think so.

Nowadays, the shows are filled with fake jokes and contrived situations that no one can believe or relate to. The kids in the shows wear tons of makeup and layers upon layers of fancy clothes. Miley Stewart only wore lots of makeup when she was performing as Hannah Montana. Even Sharpay Evans of East High had all the glitz and glam, but she wasn't over the top with makeup and her clothes.Why are the kids in shows like "Liv and Maddie" and "Jessie" dressing like adults and acting like they have real world adult problems; it seems like they've just skipped over their innocent childhood years.

Along with continuously being problematic and lacking real lessons for the audience to learn, current Disney Channel shows also lack substance. Every show is the same! Looking at the shows now, the actors & actresses look more materialistic and over the top. The channel now has unrealistic storylines, where as the shows in the 2000’s had real-life storylines that were more relatable to us. Even the character’s themselves now lack substance, and with most show’s you can easily point out the stereotypical “smart kid”, “dumb kid”, “popular kid”, etc.

Luckily, Disney has attempted to redeem themselves with show’s such as Girl Meets World, a remake of the infamous Boy Meets World, which tackles similar issues to the ones seen in older Disney shows that we all know and love. That show got cancelled after only a few seasons though, unfortunately, but Disney then released the show Andi Mack, which is about a girl named Andi who on her 13th birthday discovers that her sister is actually her mother who had her when she was young. One of the main characters also recently came out as gay, and I hope that this trend will continue on with more Disney Channel shows in the future. But, I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Like the great Hannah Montana once said, Everybody makes mistakes, everybody has those days, everybody knows what I’m talking about, everybody gets that way. Nobody’s perfect, and I wish Disney Channel would remember that, instead of shoving show’s about a dog who runs a blog down children’s throats. Not to mention how they let a horribly problematic YouTuber influencing the youth of today with his wildly inappropriate content on to one of their shows, but that’s a whole other rant for another day.

#my works #disney #disney channel #rant

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nailriddenbat · 7 years ago

Text

Operation Henderson and Harrington Pt. 2 ~ Mini-Series

Summary: The kids take it upon themselves to test their matchmaking skills. With a little help, they form a plot to get you and Steve together by Halloween.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x (Henderson!You) Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Language! Mostly from Dustin.

A/N: I am so happy that part 1 received so much positive feedback and I am so happy that you all love it so much! Here is part 2 for you. I’ll try to post a part each night until the series is complete. Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!!! Much love to you all. xx

Part One ~ Part Two ~ Part Three ~ Part Four ~ Part Five ~ Part Six ~ Part Seven FINALE

Tags: @vaultvixen @everythingilove-blog @petah-parkah-and-potahtas @holycoldcoffee @thechandlerbingdance @jinx-is-fire @unapologetically-insane @moonlightbae14

Phase One of Operation Henderson and Harrington: Get Steve to agree to the group costume.

Hopper swung by to pick up El and Max after school, leaving the four boys alone to wait for Steve. He took on the responsibility of dropping them off at home after each school day ended, unless they had AV Club and in that case Joyce would pick them up.

“Alright, guys,” Dustin clapped his hands to get their attention, gathering them up into a circle. “Remember the plan. We changed our costume idea, and now we’re going to be the T-Birds, and we want Steve to dress up as one too so the group is complete. I am Kenickie. Mike, you are Sonny. Will, you are Doody. And Lucas, you are Putzie.”

“Why do you get to be the cool one?” Will asked.

“Because Danny and Kenickie are best friends, like Steve and I are, so it works,” Dustin explained to them.

“Have I mentioned how much I hate this plan?” Lucas jumped into the conversation, “Because if not, let me mention it now. I really hate this plan.”

“You’ve made it clear that you’re against true love, Lucas Sinclair, and I feel sorry for you,” Dustin sympathized with him as he held his hands over his heart.

“I am not against true love!” Lucas groaned as he threw his head back.

“That’s because he loves Max,” Mike teased.

Lucas’s face heated up as he pushed his friend lightly.

Will shook his head and turned around, catching the familiar BMW making its way over to them. “Guys, he’s coming! Everyone shut up!” Will waved his hand in the direction of his friends to get their attention so they would stop talking about the plan.

The car came to a stop in front of them and Steve rolled the window down as he called out to them, “Get in the car, you little shits.”

“Shot gun!” Dustin called out as he scrambled to reach the door first.

“You call shot gun every single day and we tell you every single day that no one else is going to call shot gun,” Lucas rolled his eyes at his friend.

The rest of the kids climbed into the back and dropped their bags onto the floor. They leaned back, not noticing the stare that was coming from Steve’s direction.

He peered over his black Ray Bans, connecting eyes with each and every kid.

“Yes, Steve?” Dustin asked him.

“Do you expect me to move the car if you all don’t put your seatbelts on first?”

Steve chuckled as they all jerked a bit before they pulled their seatbelts on. He pulled away from the curb and started driving to the first house, which would be Will’s.

“So Steve!” Dustin twisted in his chair to look at him better. “We have new Halloween plans.”

“New plans? I thought I was watching you kids while you ran around and hoarded candy from the neighbors,” Steve questioned him.

“You know, people usually call it trick-or-treating,” Mike shrugged his shoulders in the back.

“What Dustin means is that we have a new costume idea,” Lucas jumped right to the point of the conversation, wanting to skip all of the formalities.

“And we need a fifth member,” Will added.

“Congratulations, Steve Harrington! You’ve been elected to be that fifth member,” Dustin grinned.

“What?” Steve shouted. He shook his head and pulled his Ray Bans off, shaking his head. “No, no, no. I volunteered to chaperone, not to partake in dressing up.” Steve knew Y/N would be babysitting too and he could not imagine dressing up in some dorky costume in front of her. All chances of ever getting together with her would be flushed down the toilet.

“If you don’t partake in dressing up our group costume will be incomplete and Halloween will be ruined,” Dustin attempted to guilt trip Steve.

“So go back to your old costume!”

“Nope. Too late. There’s no turning back. It is Will’s first normal Halloween in what has been forever and you are going to ruin it by not being our fifth member.”

“What...” Steve turned his head back to glance at Will quickly and groaned when he saw that he was pouting a little. He slammed his hand on the wheel as he grumbled, “What’s the damn costume?”

“The T-Birds!” the four kids shouted simultaneously.

“And you, my friend, will be Danny Zuko,” Dustin specified.

“Fine,” Steve conceded after thinking it over for a moment. He knew there was no way of getting out of it but he gave them a warning, “Do not pull this shit again next year or you can find yourselves a new babysitter.”

The kids rolled their eyes, knowing he was lying. Steve would never give up his title of babysitter. As Steve kept his eyes on the road, they exchanged a quick glance and a smirk.

Phase One was complete.

Phase Two of Operation Henderson and Harrington: Get Y/N to agree to the group costume.

You had notebooks and textbooks scattered all around you as you laid out on your stomach. You were hanging out in your room, trying to get some homework done as music played in the background. Your Mom was out in the living room with the cat as she waited for Dustin to get home from school.

You hummed along to the music as you moved your pen across the paper, but you looked up when you heard a knock on your door.

“Y/N,” your Mom called out to you. “You have two visitors!”

Your Mom stepped out of the way to reveal El and Max. You smiled as you pushed yourself up from the floor. “This is a nice surprise,” you said. “Come in!”

Your Mom walked away, leaving the door open as the girls stepped into your room. You moved over to the radio so you could lower the music. “Pardon the mess,” you apologized as you gestured to your school work on the floor. While you were excited to see the two girls who you had grown close to and who you had become very protective over, considering them honorary little sisters, you couldn’t help but question if everything was okay.

“Everything’s good,” Max assured you as she sat down on your bed. “We wanted to talk to you about Halloween.”

“The boys’ costumes suck,” El sighed as she sat next to Max. “New ideas.”

You laughed a little and sat on the bed with them, tilting your head. “Yeah, my brother and his group of friends have some weird ideas. I don’t blame you for wanting to do your own thing.”

“We can’t come up with anything, though,” Max sighed as she looked up at you. “We’re just two girls.’

“First of all, you two are not just girls. You both are bad ass. Second of all, there are plenty of awesome costumes out there for girls. What if you two went as Wonder Woman and Supergirl?” you suggested.

El scrunched her face up and shook her head. Max let out a loud yawn, as if that idea was enough to put her to sleep. “That’s what every single girl will be dressing up as,” Max said.

“Okay, that’s a no then...” you took a deep breath as you tried to come up with something else. You looked around your room for inspiration. “Female rockstars?”

“No,” Max shot the second idea down.

El stood up from the bed as you and Max tossed more ideas back and forth. Nancy had shown El a picture of the Pink Ladies and told her that you would have the same picture up somewhere. El found it and pointed to it, calling your name out to get your attention.

You turned your head around and walked over to El, “What’s up?”

“This,” El tapped the picture with her finger. “This is the costume.”

You looked at where she was pointing to and your eyes lit up. It was a picture of the Pink Ladies from ‘Grease’. “The Pink Ladies!” you shouted excitedly. You took the picture off of the wall carefully and held it up so Max could see. “You girls could be two of the Pink Ladies! That would be totally cute!”

Max did her best to hold back a smirk as she agreed with you, “That could work.”

“Y/N, you too,” El tugged on the sleeve of your sweater. “Dress up with us.”

You stopped and looked between the two, sighing a little. Halloween wasn’t your thing, but how could you say no to them? You nodded your head and smiled at them both, “Make that three of the of the Pink Ladies.”

They rushed over to you and hugged you tightly, causing you to laugh and hug them back just as tight. “I’ll get the costumes together, okay? I’ll head out this weekend to pick things up,” you promised the girls.

Hopper’s voice echoed down the hall as he called out to the two girls, saying that they really needed to leave. The girls said goodbye to you and as Max was leaving the room, her eyes caught a framed photograph of you with Steve, Nancy and Jonathan. Max stopped a little, taking notice of how everyone was looking directly at the camera except for you. You had your head turned up and were gazing at Steve. Max felt something fill her chest and for the first time since they had all put together this plan, she felt optimistic. Maybe, just maybe, they could all pull it off. Max and El exchanged a high-five with one another once they were out of your eye sight and shared a grin.

Phase two was complete.

The girls had left and you couldn’t help but wonder what you had just gotten yourself into. You’d most likely be the only teenager out, besides your babysitting partner Steve, and now you’d be dressed up in a costume. Your cheeks heated up a little and you muttered to yourself, “Here’s to making a fool of yourself in front of Steve.”

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poipoi1912 · 7 years ago

Note

Despite SVU being what it is. Are you still writing Barisi? I haven't heard any updates on what you're writing currently and I'm interested to know.

“Despite SVU being what it is” should be my disclaimer on this blog, lol.

I have to be honest, anon. I haven’t written much in the last few weeks due to real life stuff (hospitals, job interviews, getting a new job lol :D, and working slightly longer hours now, you know how it goes).

See, I was all set to finish up my dreaded 19x08 Episode Tag, explaining the Sonny/Amanda/West Virginia mess in a Barisi context, but then I got the call for the job interview, and then I got the job, and then I was a little stressed about my first week, etc etc. So I was not really in the mood to write fic (I just spent my free time rewatching Elementary, which never fails to warm my heart and calm me down).

Fortunately, my first week(-ish) at work went great, and I’m already getting a little more settled in, and I’m slowly getting used to my new schedule, so I’m in the process of getting back on the Barisi horse!

In fact, today (Sunday, for those of you in different timezones) was the first day I really had to myself, and I actually went back to that story and edited the first 2K. Again, I don’t have as much free time as I used to have, but I really want to finish this fic (which I’ve fully mapped out) because I think it’s important for me to express my thoughts on those particular developments lol, and I also think it might be helpful to some of you :D

So, don’t hold me to it, but maybe I can finish the story before the next new episode airs? January 31st? -Ish? Maybe? Unless work gets too much?

I’m trying, anon, but life won’t let me! (I’m not complaining though, for once there’s a positive reason lol)

As for the rest of my Barisi writing, and to answer a different anon:

Hi, just out of curiosity are you ever going to post the Barisi wedding or Halloween stories? I’ve enjoyed your work and keep hoping to see these stories.

Hahahaha me too :(

These stories are right where I left them lol. Thousands upon thousands of words and notes, as I can’t decide which fic to focus on, the Wedding Fic or the Halloween Fic Which Was Supposed To Be Done Two Halloweens Ago :D

(seriously both of these stories are 95% done in terms of plotting, 65% done in terms of dialogue, and about 15% done in terms of actual, edited text I’m lying, the Halloween story is about 35% written but I’m kind of lost in my own notes due to my self-destructive need to excessively map out my stories until my notes document becomes too daunting to even open.)

Life is hectic, and SVU ain’t giving me much inspiration lately, but I do love this ship, and these characters, and I also love all of you, so yes, I am writing again, and I will be posting at some point omg you know me and promises.

So, thank you for this ask, and thank you for still caring, and I’m sorry to keep you waiting but I’m trying ❤️❤️❤️

(by the way, to all anons: don’t ever feel bad or guilty for sending messages like this on occasion, don’t think you’re pressuring me or anything! I see this as support, and interest, and I appreciate it!)

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

Text

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 9*

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

Aw SNAP, an early chapter?! Yes children, I woke up and I just wanted to write. This story really does mean a lot to me, and I have been neglecting it for the last few days. So I decided to give you one today, and one tonight. I just have so much to say, and I wanna get it out there as fast as I think of it! I know y'all want that too.

So I don't know if these actually need warnings, but there is serious discussion about alcohol and addiction. If you're sensitive to that, read with caution. I'm really sensitive to it and I wrote it, but it's more therapeutic to me. I don't know how others feel about it.

Also-- I did my best to fix the continuity issue in the last chapter about the Sonny crying at Y/N's mom's funeral, AND I think I did a good job at fixing the continuity with the fact that I literally started this story with her drinking an appletini. Like a moron.

And if you think my explanation is 'unbelievable', I actually do the same thing so I know it's a thing! Don't @ me.

Also Also-- This chapter is all Y/N and Sonny, some cousin bonding time. I hope y'all appreciate it.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

--------------

You rode to the train station in silence, but when you got out of the Uber to walk in by yourself, Sonny quickly trailed behind you.

“I’m a big girl Sonny, I don’t need you to hold my hand,” You rolled your eyes.

“I-I know, but it’s an hour until your train leaves, and--” He nervously explained.

“Afraid I’ll go to the bar and just derail my life in twenty minutes?” You crossed your arms.

“...No…” He softly looked at the ground.

“Well, you're right. I'm just gonna throw it all away right now,”

“Y/N don’t do that--”

“I’m not kidding, Sonny!” You looked at him seriously.

“...What?” He was stunned at your admission.

You looked around the train station, people were bustling about running to their trains and finding their people, it was a madhouse. You needed to talk this out seriously; so you pulled him to a waiting area and sat down with him.

“Well as you so nicely pointed out, I am basically on the verge of breaking my sobriety every fucking day. And now I know why you wanted me to avoid Rafael, but I didn’t listen and as much as you didn’t want it to, it already broke me. Last night I broke, and now that-- now that he’s gone, or run away, or whatever-- All I can think about is making this pain go away!” The thoughts that had been running through your head since you left Rafael’s apartment just came spilling out of your mouth.

“Sunshine…” He sighed.

“And you’re right, I don’t have anyone else. I don’t have anyone else to lean on, except for you. And I can’t keep doing that, you’ve done it long enough,” You started to feel tears catch in your throat.

“Wha--but I don’t mind, I--” He protested.

“Really? Because the way you were telling Rafael, it sounded like you were sick of it,” You tried to keep your voice steady.

“I’m not--” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sick of it. It’s just--”

“A lot,” You finished for him.

“Right,” He looked at you sadly. “But-- I don’t understand, then what do you wanna--”

“I need to go away,” You interjected with a very somber look.

“What?” He half laughed. “Go away? What does that even--”

“I need to go...away,” You repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud.

“Like...a facility?” He asked; you nodded. “Y/N I didn’t mean you had to--”

“I know you didn’t mean that Sonny, but I don’t see any other way,” Tears filled your eyes.

“I don’t-- I don’t wanna do this again! I don’t want you to have to take days, weeks off work watching me, moving to Jersey, checking my room and my apartment, you’re too old for that shit now!” You looked up to the sky, willing the tears to stay in your pupils.

“I mean, Y/N come on I’m almost 31, I’m not ancient--”

“But you’re a grown up, with a grown up job and a career, and a life. And I can’t just-- make you put your life on pause because I’m a fuck up,” You barely whispered.

“You’re not a--”

“I am,” You shook your head. “I am, and I accept it. I can’t have-- normal, things. Like friendships or relationships. This absolutely proves it,”

“No, it doesn’t,” Sonny took your hand. “Look I told Barba and now I’m telling you: This...this might be on me,”

“No it’s not,” You took his hand this time. “Don’t do that,”

“No, it really might be,” He insisted. “You’ve...you’ve never just opened up to someone like you did with Barba. Not once. Not with anyone but me,”

“Yeah well clearly that was some kind of fluke,” You rolled your eyes with a tear filled laugh.

“Was it?” Sonny asked you sincerely. “When’s the last time you approached a guy or girl for that matter, sober?”

“I mean, I was sipping an appletini…” You looked at the ground in guilt.

“Y/N…” Sonny rubbed his temples.

“What?” You shrugged. “It’s not like I’m the Hulk, Sonny. I don’t take a sip of alcohol and ‘Hulk Out’. I like to at least attempt to feel like a grown up, so I order ONE drink and nurse it for hours. You know this. It’s just, when I get upset…”

“You lose it,” He finished for you.

“...Yeah,” You looked back at the ground.

“So why don’t you just come stay with me for a few days, until this whole ‘Barba’ thing passes, and you can be...normal, again?” He put a hand on your knee. “You don’t need to…’go away’, like a mental patient,”

“...Because I don’t know if it will pass, Sonny,” You admitted. “I’m not kidding when I say this broke me. It...it broke me. And he wasn’t even my boyfriend! We fucked one time and all of a sudden I was going through his stuff like a crazy girlfriend,”

“...Didn’t need to know that, but alright,” Sonny shuddered at the thought of you in the throes of passion with Rafael.

“Whatever,” You sighed. “The point is, I-- I lost it, with him. That’s never happened, not once. I’ve never…’cared’ about someone like that. I just bang them then leave,”

“Wasted” Sonny added.

“....Well yeah, obviously,” You laughed sadly.

“Which brings me back to my original point,” He replied. “You may have had some liquor in your system, but were you drunk when you talked to Barba?”

“...No,” You shook your head.

“Were you tipsy?”

“....No,"

“Did you get drunk while waiting on me and talking with him and then decide to go back to his place to...do stuff?”

“No!” You hit him softly.

“And last night,” He continued. “Last night when I walked away and left the two of you. Did you run back inside and drink yourself into a stupor because you hurt me?”

“No!!” You shook your head. “No, I-- I might have wanted to, but then Rafael took me inside and he-- well, first of all his friends humiliated me--”

“They what?” Sonny’s fists began to clench.

“Calm down, Son,” You took his hand. “Rafael defended me, he even punched a guy for insulting me!”

“He WHAT?” Sonny gasped. Rafael would never do something like that, not for anyone. He was always so cool, calm and collected, always the epitome of decorum. If he had lost it on someone in public, that really did mean something.

“...So he defended you, then took you home?”

“Well, I---” You looked down in shame. “I asked him to,”

“Ah,” Sonny nodded. “I see,”

“But only because you said you didn’t wanna see me! I...I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go,” You explained.

“But he let you,” He added.

“He wanted me to,” You shrugged. “But Sonny I swear, nothing was supposed to happen. I just wanted to crash on his couch until I could talk to you. But...I don’t know, we-- he washed my clothes, and then we were watching BoJack, and then we were laughing and he was tickling me, and it just-- happened,”

“Organically,” He clarified.

“...Not the way I’d word it but yeah,”

“And you didn’t drink anything?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No!” You cried. “No, and I didn’t want to hurt--”

“Sunshine I promise you, this isn’t about my feelings at all right now,” He assured you. “I’m just pointing out that you have never just...accidentally slept with a guy,”

“Meaning…?” You quirked an eyebrow curiously.

“Meaning your MO is get drunk, get laid, and leave. Correct?”

“...Well when you say it like that…” You shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m not trying to guilt you Sunshine I’m making a point. Now, am I right?”

“....Yes,”

“So you genuinely had feelings for Barba. Real, unaltered feelings,”

“....I guess so,”

“And I’m not blowing smoke up your ass when I say that Barba would never, ever punch a guy for anyone. Especially not someone he worked with, in front of a bunch of colleagues. I mean, his ‘circle’ is probably buzzing right now with talk about how ‘barbaric’ he was, for some girl he just met,” He explained.

“What are you saying, Son?” You studied his face curiously.

“I’m saying like I said before, that this might be my fault, Sunshine,” He sighed, once again running his hands through his hair.

“If I hadn’t been so...against you and Barba, I wouldn’t have spout off my mouth about his--- usual way of dating. Because it sounds like with you, he’s anything but his usual self,” He explained.

“...And then you wouldn’t have gotten upset about it and responded the way you do when you’re upset, and then you wouldn’t have ended up a mess last night, and you two would still be in your happy little bubble of bliss,”

“Sonny,” You sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I think we both know that this...’beast’ inside of me, is always gonna be there,”

“Well…” He murmured.

“You said it yourself! I’m still an addict, I’m still battling it everyday, even though I’ve gotten so much better at it. Even though most days I am perfectly fine; I’m not normal. Normal people don’t end up at the bottom of a bottle of vodka whenever they have a bad day, or stress out,” You cringed at the memory of that constantly happening back in the day.

“Yeah I know…”

“And it’s not fair for me to put that on someone. Especially someone I barely know! Especially someone who is not used to, or even ready for any kind of normal commitment! I mean, honestly I’m glad it happened now, because if we had gotten any deeper and the inevitable happened, the blow out would have been much more...messy,” You looked away in shame, just imagining the chaos your drunken alter ego could cause.

“...How so?”

“Sonny, if I lost it like I did last night after spending one night with Rafael, can you imagine the kind of havoc I’d wreck if we had been dating for a while? If we were married?” You half laughed sadly at the thought. “Cops would be called, I’m sure,”

“Sunshine….” He spoke softly, hating to hear you degrade yourself so much. He'd heard it so much in the past, he knew if you were going into the dark place, the damage was bad.

“Somehow or other, the monster would have shown herself to him. And clearly, whenever it was gonna happen-- he wasn’t going to respond well,” You shook your head with the same sad smile.

“But maybe if you had gotten closer, maybe he would have changed. Maybe he wants to change-- he’s just...freaked out right now,” Sonny pointed out.

“Don’t,” You shook your head while looking at the ground. “Don’t do that,”

“Do what?” He asked you quizzically.

“Give me false hope,” You looked up at him with tears once again welling up in your eyes. “You know that’s the most dangerous thing for someone like me,”

“But that’s just it Sunshine,” He put both hands on either side of your face. “I really don’t think it’s false hope,”

“Yeah well,” You scoffed with a sarcastic laugh. “I won’t hold my breath. And the bottom line is-- if that ever happens, then it will. But I’m here now, and right now all I want is to drink until I forget this weekend ever happened,” You wiped tears from your face. “So I need you to--”

“I’m not sending you away,” He said sternly.

“Sonny!” You stomped your foot. “I’m not kidding! You can’t--”

“Look Y/N,” He started. “You have done so well these past few years, better than I’ve ever seen you. I am so proud of you. You’re in school, you’re thinking about the future, you have dreams. And if you just...abandon that for even a month or two, you’ll have to drop your classes and start over,”

“Yeah but--”

“I know you think that going to rehab is the thing you’re ‘supposed’ to do when shit like this happens, but honestly I think it will only send you three steps back, not forward,” He looked at you with very genuine eyes.

“...Y’know the old ‘monster’ wouldn’t have even told me any of this,” He pointed out. “She would’ve gotten on that train and headed to the liquor store at the Jersey train station,”

“...That is true,” You nodded with a soft smile.

“I think you’re more in control than you think, Sunshine,” He put a thumb on your chin. “...But, maybe to make us both feel better, I’ll put a limit on your card for a bit,”

“...Yeah, probably for the best,” You gave him a small smile. Just then you both heard the speaker announcing your train was boarding.

“Well, I guess I better go,” You stood up with your duffel and gave him a long, hard hug. You really did love him more than anyone in this world, and knowing he wasn’t mad at you and still loved you meant everything to you.

“Alright Sunshine, you call me when you get back to the apartment, yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nodded; he gave you another hug, scared to let you go.

He was being supportive and brave on the outside for you, because he really did want you to keep going on the path you were on. But something deep down inside of him was constantly worried about the monster inside you. He wanted to protect you 24/7, but you were right-- he had a life and a career in the city, he had to trust you to be on your own.

“I love you, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” You nodded with a bigger smile. “I love you too, Sonny,”

You gave him one last kiss on the cheek before heading to your platform, leaving Sonny alone in the station. He waited until he couldn’t see your figure headed towards the distance before pulling out his phone and dialing a number.

“Barba,” He said seriously. “We need to talk,”

#rafael barba #sonny carisi #rafael barba imagine #sonny carisi imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba x you #law and order svu #rafael barba angst #weird secret friends #tw addiction #tw alcoholism

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overdrivels · 8 years ago

Note

Hello! This is a completely optional prompt, being an imagines blog writer myself I know it can get hard doing so much work (seriously though, you're amazing at it!). So I would like to know if you could please write about bodyguard!Reader (maybe from overwatch/blackwatch) taking care of Pre-Cyborg!Shimada Genji? Some angst would be amazing if you could!

I decided to combine the both, I didn’t want to hurt Genji any more than I’m already doing. But first anon, thank you for your encouragement! I also wish you good luck on your blog because yes, it is tough, and you’re tough for doing it! So GOOD ON YOU! And second anon, I’m not going to hit anyone. Just myself. In the heart. With feels. Thank you both for requesting! I hope this is okay.

On Guard

“I hope my…performance was to your safitacati–satisfaction, Master Shimada.”

Your sonkeigo–polite Japanese–was clumsy on your lips, spilling forth like water against a steep bed of uneven rocks as you made your report to Shimada Sojiro. The man was regal even when wearing little more than the equivalent of pajamas–jinbei, you later remember–and a happi over his shoulders. Beside him were his two heirs–Hanzo and Genji Shimada. Surrounding you are your future colleagues, dressed in the same suit you were (and some with bandages as an indicator of the ass-whooping you’ve bestowed upon them during your test.)

“In light of your abilities, I will assign you to my son, Genji.” The announcement makes your heart swell and you fight the smile that tries to make it way onto your face–you’re well on your way to completing your mission of infiltration and information gathering. However, the young man in question rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out for which his brother smacks him in the shoulder for. “The head of his guards, Asahi, will guide you. I expect you both to take care of each other.”

You bow deeply. “I understand, Master Shimada. Thank you for this honor.”

“Peh, don’t be so happy about it, newbie,” your new master calls with almost childish disdain. “We’ll see just how much of an honor it is.”

Patience, it seems, is going to have to be your greatest and most elusive ally.

That was almost three years ago.

In those three years, many things have happened. You went from being a total outcast to being somewhat accepted by the family. It was stressful, to say the least, trying to blend in and at the same time curry the favor of your masters so as to be allowed into their lives in order to gather information useful to Overwatch. Most of the time, you only had scraps of information just shy of useful for a full-fledged investigation.

It also didn’t help that Genji chooses to spend his time outside of his family’s business despite the elders’ insistence that he attend. That didn’t make your job any easier. And as luck would have it, Genji seemed to seek out your company much more frequently by purposefully making your life just that much harder. He seemed to slip out from the attention of his guards more often whenever you’re on duty (you assumed it’s because you were new), and he would have to be wrestled back to the castle (though he’d return with you much more willingly than he would with any other guard). He even tries to practice his English with you (it’s much better than your stuttering Japanese).

It’s exhausting, but rewarding especially when Shimada Sojiro nods at you in passing with a “Good work”, and Hanzo, usually following behind at arms length, mimics him. Sometimes you even overhear Hanzo scolding his brother behind closed doors, telling him not to give you so much trouble (he gives you even more trouble as a result, but relents easily when caught). But to see Genji look at you in surprise when you insist on bandaging injuries he’s gotten from training or to force him to eat healthy food, it’s almost enough to make you forget your mission and just immerse yourself in the fact that you’ve more-or-less become invested in this family.

Not that you can admit that to yourself nor tell it to your superiors back home.

“I truly believe…that you should acost–accompany your father and brother to the–these meetings,” you tell him as you drag him back from another night in town, lipstick marks plastered all over his cheeks like trophies. “You’re an adult, and I’d like to see other people see you more positively.”

“Whatever, ‘mother’.” He doesn’t make it easy for you, dragging his heels and waving at the shopkeeps who see him (”Got caught again, huh, sonny?” “Don’t go making trouble for your father, now!” “Gen-chan, my wife’s made some pickled vegetables! Come by and get some when you’re free, okay?”).

You try not to smile. Even though he causes you such trouble, the people of the town seem to like him enough. It’s hard to believe that such a person would have to have his hand in arms-dealing and adding to the chaos that envelopes the world.

“The townspeople like you a lot already. Would it–would it be so difficult to be the same way to your family?” It becomes easier to pull Genji along, a contemplative silence blanketing you both.

Finally, he says, “…I’ll think about it.”

“I’m happy to see you at lost–least considering it. I’m proud of you, Shimada-sama.”

You don’t even have to turn around to know he’s beaming like a disco ball. He loves being praised by those close to him–the very image of a spoiled child, but it’s endearing nonetheless.

“But first, we have to do something about your green hair.”

“Hey! I like my hair! How about we dye your’s green, huh?”

Sometime after that, Genji began to show initiative into his family’s life, asking a wayward question here and there, pretending to look at the ledgers rather than outright throw them on the floor and leave.

You were sure the head of Genji’s guards, Asahi, wept a little when he saw his young master willingly attend a clan meeting. Granted, you were not allowed in the room, but that was a start. And you couldn’t wait to tell your boss about it.

After the meeting, you can see Hanzo nod at his brother in approval (it’s the first time since you’ve been here since you’ve seen such a thing), and Shimada Sojiro patting his youngest son on the back (Genji never looked more ecstatic), and the elders actually look at Genji like he’s not trash when they exit, making small conversation. However, when Genji catches sight of you, he marches up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“So, do you see me in a better light, now?”

He has his fists on his hips, and chest puffed. You cough into your hand to hide your smile.

“You’re a hundred years too early to…what’s the word…be impressing me with such shallow conversatio–conviction, Shimada-sama. But I will admit, the suit looks good.”

You turn around too quickly to see that you have struck him speechless. You are pleased to see that he seems to be growing well and that would soon make your mission that much easier.

As with all things however, it couldn’t have lasted.

Shimada Sojiro dies shortly after the beginning of your fourth year with the Shimadas (natural causes, supposedly), and Genji did not handle it well (you have a broken leg and a ruined tear-stained shirt to prove it after a frenzied and deeply-emotional chase). The wake is even more of a mess–Genji doesn’t even bother attending and Asahi needed your help (disabled as you were) to seek him out in the heavy spring rain.

‘It’ll be fine,’ you try to tell yourself.

Genji may have been a loose canon and uninterested in familial responsibilities of the illicit sort up until recently, but you know from watching over him that he’s the type who can do anything if he puts his mind to it. He’s a kind person, a bit childish and self-centered, perhaps, but he’s reliable when you really need him. You’re sure these three years of waiting and serving the Shimada clan would have been worth it.

You carry on your duties believing that. Whereas Hanzo is immediately ascended to the proverbial throne and embroiled in countless meetings without even a day to mourn, Genji takes his time, hiding from his retainers. Only occassionally will he open himself up to yourself or Asahi, looking more and more tired with each passing day. He barely even goes out anymore, rendering your role practically useless.

You can only give him words of encouragement through the shoji doors, which you don’t even know if he hears.

Days turned into weeks. If anything, Genji proved to be more lackadaisical than ever. But you refuse to let your hope wane even when the rest of the clan begins to lose hope, meeting invitations to formal functions becoming less and less and Genji becomes more and more isolated from his family.

Your patience pays off when Genji finally looks at an invitation to a dinner party that would undoubtedly lead to a conversation of the more illegal variety.

Genji shrugs on his hoodie, a telltale sign that he plans to hit the town rather than go to this important clan meeting. You try to keep your voice steady and pretend as though you’re asking as a matter of duty and not because you really need to this happen. “Should you not…join your brother in these meetings? I believe this one is with several important Shimada alibis–no–allies and your brother has requested your presence.”

Genji laughs sharply, startling you. “Bullshit. I’m not interested in that stuff. All they talk about is expanding the empire and shit. They don’t care–my brother won’t care–if I’m there or not. So I won’t either.”

Something in the back of your mind cracks, and you couldn’t contain the sound of frustration that breaks from your throat. Genji slips out of the room through the window, unaware (or purposefully ignoring) your anger. You chase after him more out of habit than free will, mind going numb at your realization. The chase goes on for most of the day, and he makes himself harder to spot and catch than usual. Genji is dragged home pouting and whining by yourself and the head of Genji’s guards, Asahi. It takes everything in you not to dump him right on the porch of Shimada castle and leave for good. No, you had to at least inform your boss of your findings.

It’s late at night when you swap out your Shimada-issued earpiece for your Blackwatch one. A small wave of irritation waxes and wanes with every second you’re kept on hold, until finally, you hear the smooth voice of Gabriel Reyes in your ear.

“Your report isn’t due for another week, what’s your emergency? Or are you home sick?”

“Boss.” If you weren’t so irate, you would’ve been glad to hear proper English again. “The mission, it’s a bust. These past three years have been a total fucking waste of time.”

You can practically hear him straightening up in his seat, crossing his arms and leaning on the table with renewed interest and mild concern. “Explain yourself.”

You take a deep, shuddering breath. The words are shoved forcefully through clenched teeth, “I’m with the wrong Shimada.”

You stare blankly at the night scenery of Hanamura. Your conversation with Gabriel has left you weary. What has the past three years been for? You both discussed the possibility of becoming Hanzo’s retainer or one of the guards of the oligarchy that controls the Shimada clan from the shadows, but that idea was quickly shot down. Knowing the internal politics, you were lucky to have been even considered for the role of protecting the so-called backup heir. As long as Genji remains obstinate in his distance, your mission would never be complete.

Gabriel, ever the sore-loser, argued against calling off the mission, still believing in the possibility of a lead. You did, too, once. And now, you just wanted it to end. After much arguing, you were allowed to leave your post–you will return to Blackwatch in a week. With no results to show for it.

Your body sags under the weight of failure. A voice suddenly behind you jolts you straight back to attention. Genji. Once of the rarer times he’s out of his room. He looks barely presentable–dark bags underneath his eyes, and just a little bit ruffled.

“I want to talk to you, come.” He didn’t wait for you to agree, fully expecting you to follow.

Even if you planned on leaving, you figured you might as well continue fulfilling your duties until the very end. So you follow the young master into a private room, usually reserved for distinguished guests, far away from the rest of the compound.

You shouldn’t be as suprised as you were when Genji sits you down on the floor and brings out little cups and a large bottle of sake. He just wants a drinking buddy. In your current mood, you’re careful not to drink–you never know what might slip from your lips.

But Genji is not so careful, freely talking about everything and anything that comes to mind until he hits on what seems to be the root cause of this impromptu drinking session.

“I know that they assigned a foreigner to me because they don’t care what happens to me,” The smile on Genji’s face is bitter, and he slams back another cup of sake with such force, it’s as though he’s trying to kill those thoughts by alcohol alone.

You open your mouth to deny his claims, but the words are stuck in your throat when you see the look he gives you. A worn smile, exhausted from years of pretending and defiance. You swallow whatever empty words come to mind.

“But I’m glad,” he says suddenly,. “Because you don’t treat me like that. You treat me like I’m me and not some piece of garbage that people are obligated to be near.” Genji ducks his head, voice smaller now. “So, um, thank you. For everything. You’re the one other person I can really trust around here, and uh, sorry. About your leg.”

He pats it right where the break was, gentle and sorrowful, like a kid trying to make up for their mistake.

Guilt sneaks into your chest, coiling around your insides uncomfortably when the words you’ve spoken to your superior not so long ago return to the surface with a taunting vengeance.

“I’m with the wrong Shimada.”

You return a shaky smile. “Think nothing of it, Shimada-sama.”

He returns the gesture with a dopey one of his own, loose with alcohol. “When we’re alone, you can call me Genji.”

Your heart nearly stops. The uncomfortable feeling erodes at something inside you. Nausea floods your stomach, but Genji does not seem to notice, eagerly shoving a small cup into your trembling hands. “Now drink! To our friendship!”

This is going to be a long, painful week.

#genji shimada #reader #anon #ask #i forgot to mention there's like 10 level of politeness in japanese and they're all very difficult to remember #my writing

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

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Hi! Sorry to bother you with a bit of a dumb question...but I've been seeing the phrase "the story became the story" a lot in the past few weeks on my dash, and I never understood what exactly it means? I think it was mostly on some other blog but I can't seem to find it. Just very confused ^^'

It’s from 9x07:

SAMSo, what was that all about, ‘Dee-dawg’?

DEANYou remember when we were kids that spring in upstate New York? Dad was on a rugaru hunt. We, uh – we crashed at the, uh … the bungalow colony with the ping-pong table?

SAMYeah. Uh, y-you disappeared. Dad came back. You were gone. He shipped me off to Bobby’s for a couple months and went and … found you. You were lost on a hunt or something.

DEANTHAT’S what we told you. (as if Sam’s story refreshed his memory) Right.

SAMI’m sorry? That’s what you told me?

DEANTruth is, uh… I lost the food money that Dad left for us in a card game. I knew you’d get hungry, so … I tried taking the five-finger discount at the local market and got busted. I wasn’t on a hunt. They sent me to a boys’ home.

SAMA boys’ home, like a … reform school?

DEANYeah, more or less. It was a farm, and the guy who ran it – Sonny – he, uh, you know, he looked after me.

[…]

SAMHey, Dean … I mean, why didn’t you just tell me you went to a boys’ home?

DEANI don’t know. Uh, it was Dad’s idea. And then it just – you know, the story became the story. I was 16.

I copied most of the exchange (that’s the end of the scene, with Dean using that last line to end the argument) because I think context is sort of important… Basically a lot of meta writers since this episode have picked up on it as a really important phrase to explain a lot of things all round the show, where people have been holding onto ideas and stories which helped but really aren’t that great long term for their development and all.

This one exchange summarises the entire point of this episode before you even get into it, and basically anything where they were holding onto an idea for safety or denial out of their childhood. Most John Winchester focused episodes have an element of it, this is just the most overt (I think it’s the key episode really for all Carver/Dabb era John-related stuff) so it gives us this great line to explain everything.

Now Mary’s back it’s even more critical because it’s basically explaining everything where there’s difficulty communicating, and Mary was still in the “story” up until Toni told her to her face that there was a different truth to the one she’s been clinging to. (I just scrolled past this great gifset with some side by sides)

Essentially the entire story of Mary to Sam and Dean has been, well, a story. She has a whole history of being their tragic saintly mother, they never got to knew through anything but hazy memories and stories. Ever since then her image has been challenged, I mean, like, in 1x09 she apologises to Sam for what happened/will happen (not that she remembers this now) - but at the time it showed there was maybe something more to what Mary knew. Still, going back in time and meeting her, whatever we learn that she’s a hunter etc never changes who she IS to Dean and then Sam - they both look at her like she’s a flawless angel and permanently with tears ready to fall just to be in the same room as her.

As much as John stuff has stories that became the story - the things they say to explain how bad it was to themselves, that they can focus on him being a great hunter, a hero who sacrificed himself for them, who had his noble tragic quest to avenge Mary, doesn’t really cover that he neglected them and raised them poorly, messed up, with too many expectations and dangerously. Which again is a theme since season 1 - if nothing else shows it clearly, then 1x18 with John sending Dean to clean up his mess with the striga… Which John blamed Dean for despite him being a kid, it was his fault for messing up the hunt not John’s for expecting this tiny child to protect his brother with a shotgun from a terrible monster. And I’ve never been certain he wasn’t using them as bait if he had left them alone in the same town as the monster knowing its pattern was to feed on kids.

So they have their stories about John - stuff where Dean accepts the blame or things where they can kid themselves it wasn’t all as bad as that, because they DID love him and he loved them and all that stuff is apparently what family does for each other - all the selling their souls etc.

Of course then it turns out Mary was the one who started it not John, which is the narrative asking us to question her, to allow her to be more human, as messed up as them, etc.

But actually having her back is difficult to get over the image, so for them the hurdle with Mary has been seeing past the story that became the story, that she is miserable and human and messed up as well (hence all the drama she’s put them through so far)… And they’re struggling with the image of John, where the story became the story and they haven’t exactly conquered that yet EITHER so asking them to be upfront and comfortable discussing it with Mary? She’s been folded into their perception of John and though they very very gently poked at the idea to start with, she was making essentially the same error as Henry Winchester:

HENRY You’re also Winchesters. As long as we’re alive, there’s always hope. [DEAN and SAM look at each other.] I didn’t know my son as a man, but having met you two… [HENRY takes DEAN’s hand with his right hand and holds out his left hand to SAM] …I know I would have been proud of him.

He ALSO read all of John’s journal and was horrified by what had happened to him, but for his own sanity drew a nicer picture of John as a hero and a good man (because, on a cosmic level, he was and his actions were good and he saved people and sold his soul for Dean and didn’t even break in Hell when Dean did, like, what a great guy). Mary as a character with a full season long arc has a chance to learn more and get past that same introduction to what she missed while skipping ahead in the story to what to both Henry and her is essentially after the story ended, and to understand what’s underneath the story - that this upbringing by a crusading hero was not exactly a story of great parenting when it came to her sons. And even the only thing she doesn’t know yet after Toni’s attempt to tell her a version of the truth to upset her is that cupids connected her and John, and that her whole story THERE is also a half-truth because unlike the story Dean told her in 12x01 about how she met John, there is no cute love story - there’s manipulation from Heaven and in the end the same love that made her make that deal wasn’t all her fault because it came from a cupid’s arrow not just from her own heart. And it all “had” to happen because of the apocalypse.

Anyway, that’s the sort of thematic thread that has been running through the entire show but since 9x07 had really easy words to put to it to mean anything where this messed up family has constructed an easier truth over its darkness.

(I have to say as I just watched 10x05 last, I really hated the Winchester Family Story as presented there with them all singing Carry On Wayward Son, and I think it was meant to be fake because Adam was there and they had to ask who he was… But the whole take away from the episode even for the actual Sam and Dean was a very very glossy idea of what they do and how their family is. Works great as a 1 off episode completely in isolation to actually celebrate the show and fandom as we love it, but in context 2 episodes after demon!Dean was laying into Sam about how they were raised and the real dark heart of their family, before trying to kill him…. it’s so fake, and watching those 2 episodes side by side like I did, without the werewolf melodrama in the middle… It’s so obviously a “the story became the story” to smooth over the whole demon!Dean incident so they can function for most of the rest of season 10… If you need another example of seeing it in action :D)

#Asks #the story became the story #12x21 #9x07 #*not a John Winchester fangirl*#Mary F Winchester #john and mary HUSBAND AND WIFE #(I STILL have it stuck in my head)

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