#but now i've got to do a post of all her scenes with shauna too....because i have GOT to see my girl smile wtfff

[tabithatwo]

this is every single scene in yellowjackets where we see jackie taylor without shauna shipman

[the-fluffiest-trainer]

Like this? I just talk and it... oh, yes, it's writing the words! How does it know how to do that?

Uh, well, hi everyone? Can I delete that earlier part? And that too? This would be so much easier if I had those "hand" things to actually press all these tiny buttons...

Let me start over. Hi everyone, my name is Fluttershy, and I... don't really know what I'm doing here? Or where "here" is? Or anything about these two legged people with their hands and their fancy devices that write for you when you talk into them, but at least they all seem nice so far, and that's good. This girl named Shauna gave me this device and she says I'm in a place called Kalos, but I've never heard of it.

Apparently there's a professor who knows about me already, and sent four kids out to find me? That's nice of him, and maybe he knows more about how I fell into this world. If any of you, whoever it is in here that I'm talking to, uh, however that works... if you know anything or have any advice, and... I don't know how I'm going to actually hear you, to be honest, but I guess this thingy takes care of it?

I wish my friends were here. Maybe they are? I remember Twilight, fighting for all of us but we couldn't help her, and... something... and then falling from the sky, and I barely got my wings under me before hitting the ground in this strange little town. I should definitely go find this Professor Sycamore and see what he knows.

(OOC info under the cut)

Hey everyone, this is a pokeblogging rp blog for Fluttershy from MLP:FiM. She has no idea what pokemon (or humans) are and honestly, out of character I don't either because I've made it to nearly 30 without ever playing a pokemon game before now. At the recommendation of a good friend who's also into the pokeblogging scene here, I'm starting with Pokemon X. This blog is in the same universe as Gwyndolin from @moonlight-eternal, mostly because I didn't want to have to learn everything about two different games, but sometimes plot events will affect both blogs.

In general the blog is typically lowish stakes and sfw, and I'm open to interaction with any other pokeblogs, Fallers or otherwise (just be nice and everything should be okay). Given the plot of Pokemon X, some higher stakes will occur occasionally when dealing with Team Flare. Tags "#mid stakes pokeblogging" and "#high stakes pokeblogging" will be used as appropriate.

Twilight Sparkle is also here, having Fallen into Kalos several months before Fluttershy. Others of the Mane Six have landed elsewhere in the pokemon world and have been mentioned, but have not appeared on the blog.

Pelipper mail is on! This includes standard mailable objects, abstract things like "catness", horrible nightmares, you know, the usual for pelippers. I can't guarantee I'll post all of them given plot reasons but I try to address most of what comes in.

Headcanons / conventions taken with this timeline include:

All pokemon are sapient, but most cannot communicate in human language. Fluttershy's talent of speaking with animals carries over to pokemon as well.

Fluttershy is the equivalent of mid to late 20s in human terms, but the kids she meets are still kids, maybe mid teens or so.

Consistent font colors used:

Fluttershy: Standard black text

Visual description in videos: [Bracketed italicized black text]

Arden (Fluttershy's delphox): Orange text

Twilight: purple text

Lysandre: Orange bolded text

Team Flare members: usually red text

Shauna: pink text

AZ: green text

Hoopa (eebied Discord): Pink bolded text

Gwyndolin (@moonlight-eternal): pale lavender text

"Gym leader" "Donn": dark purple bolded text

Fluttershy's pokemon team:

Arden: delphox, trans girl, even fluffier than Fluttershy herself. She craves violence. She operates the holocaster sometimes for typing or taking videos.

Talia: gardevoir, girl, forcibly adopted a trainer so she can battle and eventually evolve.

Sienna/Muffin: skitty, girl, caught by Twilight and then given to Fluttershy via Professor Sycamore.

Keseph: amaura, girl, resurrected from a fossil in Ambrette Town.

Osha: absol (shiny), girl, found in the woods around Geosenge Town trying to warn about some sort of danger there.

Derpy: pelipper, girl, delivered herself as mail. Probably not an eebied version of the mailpony Derpy Hooves, but who knows?

Twilight's pokemon team:

Luna: espeon, girl, found Twilight right after she Fell and never left.

Raya: lucario, girl, sought out Twilight based on aura senses and led her to meet humans for the first time.

Spike Jr.: crobat, boy, given as a gift by Lysandre.

Crystal: lapras, girl, given by a pokemon breeder on Route 12.

N/A

N/A

Content warnings for this blog, current and future:

Canonical events of Pokemon X

Mentions of past apocalypse, though not in the pokemon world

Trainers can be affected by pokemon moves if improperly targeted

Occasional high-stakes plots which may involve injury and/or death, for both pokemon and trainers

Relationships between non-pokemon and pokemon (sapient and consenting)

Other notes:

Sometimes I take liberties with game mechanics in favor of writing something that makes more sense from a perspective of actually living in this world and seeing pokemon battles and such. This may include:

I will typically ignore the physical vs special distinction for moves, stats, and so on, and also usually Natures and Abilities.

While types do exist, I consider the advantage factor to be less than the games' value of 2. Probably more like sqrt(2), so super effective moves do 141% damage and not very effective is 71%.

On some occasions, I may even ignore a type matchup if narrative reasons or simple common sense contradict the game logic.

Stat and EV values, experience levels, all that numeric data isn't a thing, pokemon just get stronger with practice in nonquantitative ways.

In general, all this basically means I'm taking an approach closer to the anime than the games. I have no prior experience with either, I just want something that makes sense and doesn't require being Autisms Georg about pokemon just to run a blog.

Story arcs so far:

Intro arc (no tag): Fluttershy arrives in Kalos and takes the position of player character, up through meeting Sycamore in Lumiose.

#reunion arc: After hearing from Sycamore that Twilight is also around, Fluttershy seeks out her and her research team in western Kalos. She finds out more about how exactly she Fell.

#screamkitty arc: Fluttershy foolishly ventures into the wilderness around Geosenge Town to investigate a terrible noise, and eventually acquires a new pokemon.

#darkened souls arc: Shauna asks for help with a mysterious pokemon ailment, but neither Fluttershy nor Twilight can figure it out. Aliana of Team Flare hypothesizes that another Faller may be involved.

#seeing a ghost arc: An error is found in Twilight's math, and the correction suggests that one member of the Equestria group actually Fell three thousand years ago. AZ shows up with a revelation.

#betrayal arc: After seeing someone across the multiverse defeat a hostile Lysandre, the ponies investigate and confront their world's version.

#calm before the storm arc: Fluttershy travels to Anistar City alone to meet with Professor Sycamore and the kids, while Twilight remains in a precarious position in Geosenge.

Other tags:

#ardenposting: Generic tag for posts Arden makes, or otherwise features prominently in.

#infinite princess glitch: The ponies visit the City of Otherworldly Dreams (Laverre) and Twilight starts experiencing phenomena she can't explain.

[jollyreginaldrancher]

Yellowjackets S2 e5

Why are they talking about the baby in the recap? Is Shauna gonna give birth soon? Or miscarry? Something is gonna happen with the baby for sure.

The vibes in Van's place are immaculate.

Excuse me, you mean to tell me there were other people in the room while they were having their moment? Like were they unaware that queer history was happening right in front of them, or?

TAI REALLY FELL FOR HER 😅

I could go on about how Van's place/shop indicate she is also stuck in time or regressing like the others but I feel like I've been ranting too long in these posts. It is weird she just threw her bills away though. Almost like she was not planning on staying there long enough for the consequences to reach her. Was she living a nomadic life or was she just about to pack up and move? Or were her problems so bad she was just giving up on them? I dont know. I could analyse that in a million different ways but ultimately I just need more info really.

Speaking of which, I hope the scene continues after the credits. If we have to wait all episode for an update again I don't know what I am gonna do.

Oh we're back to the friggin cabin.

I'm gonna set it in fire 😤

Van's not sleeping with Taissa anymore? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

She woke up unattached to her. Is this her way of breaking things off? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Please tell me she just got up to pee.

Oh thank god they're still together 😅

They're giving me life at the moment so I'm just happy to see them together.

Shauna's belly looks massive for someone who's stranded in the woods with nothing to eat. I feel like there's no way the baby and stomach would get that big.

Honestly let's take a moment to think about how much it would have sucked for Shauna being not only pregnant as a teen in that situation but also her best friend dying and losing any sort of comfort she had from that relationship on top of everything else. Like I can close my eyes and imagine Jackie helping her or snuggling up to her or giving her a massage or whatever cause she was that kind of friend. And now that's gone.

I completely understand why she would go into that shed to talk to her and Tai is fooling herself if she thinks she'd be any better if Van really did die when she got mauled to death.

"happy wife happy life" now you're getting it 😘

Honestly glad Trevor is at the cult therapy session. He needed some anger management and this is the closest thing to that in this scenario.

Did nobody tell Callie that her new friend is a cop or is this a scheme of some sort?

Would it be bad if I just skipped all these filler scenes and just watched the bits that I cared about? This is honestly starting to resemble pretty little liars in a bad way with all the random filler comphet relationships. Like I had to wait through so many Ezra and Aria scenes just to get to the good stuff (Paige and Emily) and it feels like this show is kind of turning into the same thing at this point.

Every interesting scene is intercut with random shit of straight people screwing or married couples fighting and crap like that. We get like one gay scene but we have to sit through 45 minutes of other crap to get to it and it's not fair.

I don't hate any of these characters, they're just spreading the runtime time too thin between too many characters. Cut Callie out completely. Take out a chunk of Shauna and Jeff's stuff, they haven't really been interesting since Adam's death. Even Misty is suffering due to her forced collaboration with that shitty stalker of hers. Nat and Lottie and Tai and Van is where the present day story is at but their scenes are moving along at a snail's pace because they just spend way too much time trying to showcase other characters. Especially when things are really picking up in these other stories. I'm getting whiplash with the way the focus is constantly changing between all these groups of characters.

And I know other shows do it too (Game of thrones, bold and the beautiful, etc) but it's still really frustrating that it's happening here.

At least we're learning a bit about the cards. Though we already heard about them, we never really saw how they used them to divide tasks.

Not Randy 😅 why is he always the go-to for these lies? 🤣

If he hadn't been to taco bell how would he know the beans upset his stomach? He's clearly lying there. Also I still think he is shifty as fuck.

Oh my god we're FINALLY gonna see Van and Taissa interact as adults 🥹

I just know Van is looking at that wedding tape and wishing that was her and Tai 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Van is sharp as a whistle. She immediately hit the nail on the head.

They were together at Shauna's wedding? 🥹 Or at least they were talking and interacting back then 🥹🥹

Please, for the love of God, tell me they got that pretzel 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Just know I'm hanging onto every word Van and Taissa say.

A bunch of other scenes and things happened and I didn't really care because Van and Taissa weren't there and I'm lazer-focused on them at the moment.

Like I love Melanie Lynskey but I didn't even want to look at her straight shenanigans. Just show us the lesbians please and thank you 😭

Crystal and Misty are bonding though and it's cute but it's making me worry that Crystal is going to get killed off soon. They tend to not focus on anybody but the mains and the characters that get killed off and since Crystal only really started cropping up recently I feel it would be naive to assume they were just showing more of the other yellowjackets out of the goodness of their hearts and not just to make us sad when they eventually killed them off.

One thing I did not anticipate is how much I would end up loving these characters...specifically the yellowjacket girls, and even more specifically the lesbians (Shauna, Nat, Van, Misty, and Taissa). I am just so glad all my babies are all alive 😌 and now Van and Taissa can get back together and live happily ever after 🥰

Nothing against Simone but she doesn't get Tai like Van does. And while divorcing would be hard I think it's safe to say their marriage is beyond saving at this point. Not only did they lose love and trust but when your partner actively fears you then you NEED to step away.

Anyway Crystal and Misty are cute -though some of those stories they're sharing feel like something they should be unpacking with a psychiatrist and not a friend- but I am really worried about Crystal...wait, Kristen, apparently.

Oh no. Misty no, please tell me she's not going to tell her about the black box.

Misty nooooo 😭😩 why would you tell her that? Read the room!

I'm honestly getting autism vibes from Misty if I'm being honest. Mostly from the deodorant thing.

Yeah, Crystal is definitely gonna die.

See I don't even want to write RIP because of the obvious joke (rest in poop).

I'm guessing eating Crystal is out of the question. Cannibalizing a corpse is bad enough but cannibalizing a corpse that fell into the poop pit is just beyond the realm of acceptable.

Nat must be on some mission here because up til now she was desperate to escape and I don't think two therapy sessions would have really had that effect on her unless there's a lot more to their relationship in the past that we have yet to watch. Maybe related to that cult stuff. Though with the info we have now it seems more like a rivalry and like Nat is trying to break her cult up from the inside rather than trying to join it. Although cults do have more of an effect on people who fit Nat's circumstances, who are isolated and don't have much of anything going on for them.

I'm lowkey hoping Misty Crystals that William guy that's with her because I don't trust him and I can't stand him and historically her friends don't dare well.

Anyway I'm clueing onto the fact that Misty has some deep seated issues with self loathing and only pursues friendships with people like Nat, who hate her or otherwise look down on her because she can't accept being treated with love and respect as she doesn't feel like she deserves it.

Basically Misty is a masochist and turning away someone who looks up to her (or at least appears to worship her) because she hates herself and doesn't feel worthy of love and this is the way she's stagnated (like all the other girls have) and gotten stuck at age 16.

Honestly the vibe I'm getting is they're all punishing themselves. Nat through drugs, Shauna through sticking it out with Jeff because she feels like she HAS to make it worth basically killing Jackie, Misty through living a life of Loveless was and anonymity where she just cares for other people who would never care about her and Tai and Van by giving up the one thing that kept them while and sane; each other.

Everybody's making a sacrifice.

Shauna/Randy is cracking me up. I forgot he had some useful info he could share with her. Their scene was funny though at least and a break from the usual torture her scenes with her family are.

Is Tai really joining team Lottie or just playing peacekeeper?

Tell me that drug isn't a sign of bad times for Van. Like, I am sure it's a bad omen but just like to me.

I'm guessing painkiller or something like that. Lowkey hoping Van just had some bad injury and needed it, and not that she's addicted to it or needing it to survive.

There's a lot of other similar looking bottles in that shelf though 😭

Like she was watching that wedding video and it looked like she was longing for something. I don't want to jinx it, I'll shut up now 😭😭😭😭😭

When she said the V is for Vicky I thought she married someone named Vicky 😅 but no that's her mom's name. It's horrible she got cancer and died. Isn't it generic though? Van might not be out of the woods 🥺

If she survived all that just to get cancer and die I will kill myself 🙃

Anyway Van is right and has every right to be upset probably. It looks like Taissa was the first one to walk away. I don't know if we'll get more details but that's the vibe that we're getting here. Like it seems like Taissa left her behind and Van has been waiting for her all this time 🥹

TAISSA LOVES VAN CONFIRMED!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL! GRAB YOUR U-HAULS AND YOUR SLEEPING BAGS BECAUSE VANTAI IS A GO!!!!!!!🥹🎉🎊

The gals are holding each other and crying, that's second base in lesbian.

The downside is we have to look at the other characters now. On the plus side I was right about Nat staying behind because she doesn't trust Lottie.

The wild thing is that Lottie did all that and Nat is the one looking insane in that scene. Like, read the room hon, this is a cult, they are self aware enough to know they're in a cult, they just don't care that it's a cult.

Honestly not surprised Shauna is terrified. Who wouldn't be in that scenario? But i feel like the subplot with Misty's friend dying should sort of take precedence over a simple fight. Unless it's not just a fight. I mean it's not like the baby's coming, they can wait a little

I just had to jinx it, didn't I?

Misty trying to save Crystal though was pretty heartbreaking. I thought she would run back to camp and play innocent. She really went all the way around to the bottom of the cliff just to try and save her immediately after threatening to kill her. Like I feel that shows she doesn't really mean to hurt people,

He really sniffed the splooge sponge?!

Misty: I lost Crystal in the storm

Van *is already out the door screaming Tai's name*

Is Shauna gonna give birth in the woods?

Are Van and Taissas's lesbian powers going to help the girlies get back to camp?

Speaking of Tai and Van we're back to the gals being pals. They fell asleep on the couch and Van covered Taissa with a blankie because she's in love with her 😌

There's no other explanation

And then Van painfully took her meds pretty much confirming she's the one that's sick.

You know what, I have decided to stop being a sceptic and lean into the cult stuff. If it cures whatever Vanessa has going on I'd be willing to convert 🥹

The girls are kissing 🥰🥰🥰

It was the other girl and Van but still.

I'm starting to think evil Tai has a widdle cwush on Van because that's twice now she took the chance to kiss her unprompted. 🫢

I want to believe in that "drunk words are sober thoughts" but instead of drunk words it's possessed smooching. I've decided that these two are getting back together and that they will get married and live happily ever after and buy a dog. Specifically a border Collie. They will have a yard and a VHS store and will live to be old. They will sip iced tea on the front porch and Van will be wearing jeans into her 80s. And when they do go it will be peacefully, in bed with each other, holding hands, in their sleep, together 🥹

That's canon now.

Anyway the show is trying to bait me into shipping Lottie with Nat but I've already decided that Nat is secretly in love with Misty so that's not gonna happen.

Maybe there's an AU where they all died. Maybe that universe is the good one.

Is it hunting at multiple universes? Or is the vision hinting at them being dead all along and being in limbo or hell? If Van dies we'll know it's hell.

Or maybe there really was something in the woods and they did bring it with them. Maybe that's why they refused to grow up and why they kept punishing themselves.

Then again maybe that something isn't an evil spirit but mental thing. That's what the sceptic in me would say if I hadn't drowned her when it became obvious that Van is dying.

The lesbian powers DID work! I knew they had some sort of telepathic connection. How else do you explain them constantly finding one another and so on.

Oh Shauna is giving birth to that baby like right now. Fuck the next episode is gonna be spectacular. I'm surprised they didn't hold out til the finale. They must have something bigger up their sleeve for that then. If they fucking kill Van I will be destroyed so hopefully not that though.

[crystalmemoria]

Personally, I really like Calem's design, and I wish that more people would make content with him as the protagonist. I was checking the tag for him, and you seem to have headcanons about them! Can you talk about them? You've got me all curious, now!

Oh, hello! Good to see someone else that likes Calem! Please be aware this is going to be a LONG post, so it's all going to be under the keep reading.

Please note that there ARE spoilers for Pokemon X/Y below!

Well, I don't have a LOT figured out yet, but my idea for protagonist Calem is actually probably way different than you'd expect for a Pokemon MC.

First off, please keep in mind this is my own Pokemon timeline/verse, this does not take personalities from Masters EX into account nor does it take the manga or anime versions of characters into too serious consideration (For applicable characters). Heck, I've even made up my own personality for Rival Serena because the version in the game was kind of bland, admittedly.

Back on the subject of Calem though! For one thing, he starts out more distant and even a bit rude. See, he grew up pressured into being a Rhyhorn racer by his mother and other people around him that expected him to follow her path in life, something that, as he grew up, really annoyed him and made him grow more frustrated with people in general. He, at first, expects them all to just pressure him. That's all he expects from the adults/authority figures in his life. Keep in mind that my goal with him is that he starts out distant and cold, but grows into a better person, becoming a bit more like what we see of him as the rival (While still being the protagonist).

When he moves to Kalos, it starts out similar to the canon scene in the game. He's woken up by his mom's Fletchling, he goes downstairs and is told by his mom that maybe he should say hello to the neighbors... but Calem has no interest and just wants to take a walk to clear his head after being rudely woken up.

When he steps outside, he sees Serena and Shauna hanging out right outside, wanting to talk to him. They look at each other, particularly Calem and Serena... and he just walks on past them, ignoring them after that. This annoys Serena greatly, who was trying to be nice. Thus, this is the beginning of their rather notable rivalry.

Shauna, meanwhile, isn't quite as hostile and thinks of it as maybe Calem's just awkward and shy, and tries to get his attention with the whole "Hey, you've been chosen to get a Pokemon!" thing, which actually does succeed at getting his attention.

See, Calem at this point hasn't had much direction in his life. He's been sort of floating through life desperate to do almost anything OTHER than Rhyhorn racing. The only thing he's grown passionate about at this point is fashion, but that still hasn't given him any real direction.

He actually is like "...Fine. Count me in." So they all go and deal with the starter Pokemon as usual. Calem gets Froakie. Also, he's stuck with the nickname "C-Meister" because he couldn't really get the others to just call him Calem, so he chose what he felt was the lesser of three evils (He doesn't like the nickname at first). Anyway, things go on basically normally through the game for a long time. Serena acts as a more annoyed rival because she doesn't like Calem at first. They butt heads, get annoyed with each other, and constantly try to outdo the other.

Also, Calem gets bad vibes from Lysandre from the very start, but can't act on it because he's... well, only the most powerful man in the region, and he hasn't done anything to Calem's knowledge. All Calem can do is just try to shrug off his creepy calls and speeches throughout the game, all while getting a pit in his stomach because he knows something's wrong.

And then there's his opinion of Team Flare. At first he has no real idea of what to make of them, and is mainly offended by them because their fashion sense is abysmal (Calem takes fashion very seriously). However, as the story goes on, he starts piecing things together, and realizes they're actually more sinister than they seem. This all builds up to when Lysandre's announcement about the Ultimate Weapon is sent out. See, another detail about my Calem is that he's actually afraid of death. So between all of the bad vibes haunting him to this point, the threat of death, and knowing that Lysandre is SERIOUS, something in him just freezes. It's a serious phobia of his, and he actually struggles to function as he realizes they're all going to die if the weapon isn't stopped.

This actually gives Rival Serena a bit of spotlight, as she's the one that takes the initial steps into Lysandre Cafe, and fights Lysandre once going down the elevator. Calem ends up realizing a bit after that that he needs to do something, even if he's deathly afraid, and he pushes himself to follow after her, catching up with Serena.

In the end he conquers his fear as he rushes through the secret base under Lysandre Cafe, and is proven by how he finally chooses the blue button when prompted with the choice.

Another good note is that before he and Serena step into the base in Geosenge, Calem stops, looks at Serena, and actually gives her a small smile for the first time. "It's been fun." He tells her that because somewhere along the way, all of the frustrations he's had with her, the butting of heads, the constant clashing... Somewhere along the way he started finding it strangely fun. He grew to cherish her presence, and he felt he needed to say something to her just in case something happened. Heck, he grew to cherish all of his friends along the way somehow, and this event caused him to realize what he's going to lose if the Ultimate Weapon is set off.

Serena calls him out on saying all that, saying that they're not going to die.

Still, he just wanted to say it. He wanted to be honest with her.

With that, they start dealing with the whole thing with the Ultimate Weapon together (and with Shauna when she shows up).

They deal with all of that, and from that moment on, Calem realizes he wants to help the Kalos region and the world as best he can, improving it in his own way. He finally has direction. To become Champion and use his influence as Champion to help everyone.

He might still be introverted and a bit distant, but he becomes a nicer, better person who wants good things for the world after having felt so disconnected and frustrated with it for so long.

There's a bit more, but this gets across my character development for Calem.

[tabithatwo]

are we ready to talk about shauna's barely hidden but somehow very ignored psychosis and how it, like a ton of her other qualities, is brushed aside by both those around her and the audience? like, i think its clear that a central focus of the show is the way lottie is the only one who got stuck in a facility (and natalie in and out of rehab being the next closest to reckoning with her shit) when the rest of them are very clearly not okay. as a certified Crazy Girl, i've been weary of how they'll handle lottie's story line (blurring psychosis and the supernatural is a very delicate and tricky thing and thus far i've been sort of just waiting to see where it goes). our data on and understanding of mental health is incredibly limited for a lot of reasons (but that's a rant for another time) but there is a large mainstream misconception of when hallucinations and delusions can happen. psychosis isn't just something that happens in schizophrenia and its very complex, so if you want to learn more there's plenty of info out there i'm not going to get into it here, but it happens in a lot of other cases. psychosis is, most simply put, a loss of contact with external reality. ptsd can cause psychosis, especially auditory and visual hallucinations.

so shauna is shown to have these experiences and i didn't realize that they were being so heavily overlooked by a large amount of people until the reaction to the scene where she beats lottie nearly to death. shauna is introduced in s1 as having hallucinations of jackie 25 years later. she is shown to disassociate. in 207, she both holds the baby's body and believes the delusion that they ate the baby. the episode shows her fighting the delusion until she can't anymore. meanwhile, adult shauna tells lottie she keeps callie at arms length out of "fear that she would die...i guess? or maybe that she was never even...real to begin with." then she adds "i think something is broken, lottie." implied: she's broken. something is wrong with her. this is the is the most honest about her mental state we've ever seen shauna be.

why? because lottie has always been and likely will always be perceived as crazier. lottie is the one they pin it on, lottie is the cult leader both then and now, lottie is the scapegoat, lottie is the one who got sent to switzerland. i think there's something to be said for the effect lottie has on people (again, a whole other post) but honestly, that alone is enough. shauna is feeling vulnerable for a lot of reasons and she can tell lottie that she thinks she's crazy, that she's never quite sure her daughter exists, that she's constantly afraid she'll die to the degree that she doesn't let herself interact with her in a real, tangible way, because it's always safer to tell the crazy girl you're crazy, too.

and lottie knows. shauna knows that. lottie clocked her psychosis almost immediately, when she was in the meat shed for all hours. the other girls were shocked by the makeup, and their shock was so fucking strange to me when i watched it, but now on reflecting i'm realizing maybe its the lottie effect. like, have i done the shit shauna has? abso-fucking-lutely not lol. but does my mind work in a way where i immediately would assume shauna was doing something along the lines of the shit she was doing out there, because to me its like...what else would it be? yeah. like sees like, in a way. lottie knows what this looks like at baseline, even if its coming out way different in shauna. even if in shauna it looks like aggression and violence a lot of the time. lottie gets it.

jeff doesn't get it, he thinks strawberry lube is too wild. taissa gets it to a degree, and we see shauna be the second most open with her, but tai suppresses and hides it a degree that she wouldn't dare step foot in a therapist's office (this is yet another thing that makes me crazy but is a whole other post lol). shauna's main goal in this life she's created is pretending to be normal. and she's like, impressively bad at it. but people let her, because what else are they going to do? addressing the clear issues is taboo, because we categorize people so heavily. she masks better than lottie, but it's fucking wafer thin. you see this when she interacts with people who aren't her family or the other yjs. the way she speaks to the taylors? to adam? shauna is only sometimes masking passably when she's in her set world, where she has a routine, and is surrounded by people she only has to half-convince of her sanity.

if shauna is honest about the level of psychosis she experiences, she knows she'll end up like lottie. and i think there's an argument to be made that the people around her (which at this point in her life is pretty much just jeff because she's done another common thing and insulated herself from other people, re: the way she behaves being clockably off to others who won't overlook certain things or can't relate) understand that too. it can't be addressed, because then in their minds there must be action of some kind if it is. (taissa yelling you're acting crazy, shauna is one of the most purely terrified moments we see of her in relation to shauna, because she knows she's admitting something. jeff yelling something to the same effect after the carjacking, same thing.)

the person we see try to get shauna to open up about it is callie. her teenage daughter, who bares the brunt of her difficulty maintaining reality, (who knows that shauna has never accepted her fully as her child, and seems to actually sense that there is a deeper reason for that), asks her to open up. she tells her after the club scene that she knows something is wrong. she even mentions jackie directly. she spends all of s2 trying to relate to shauna, to get her to be open with her about everything. there's no way shauna's trauma and psychosis and general issues have gone unnoticed by callie. daughters always know. they see it in their mothers before they even have a concept of the world. so we're watching a 16 year old try to get her mom to open up, because she doesn't understand fully why that's so dangerous to shauna. to callie, it may even be a secret she thinks other people are in on that she's being left out of. i think maybe she's realizing that it isn't personal and that shauna is guarded like this in general, and we're watching that happen.

callie is learning to care for and relate to her mother and she doesn't see why shauna won't let her in, because to her it's an innate truth that she'll be by her side no matter what (if only she'd let her be). she has unconditional love for her mother and that is the scariest thing in the world to shauna, because the last person who had unconditional love for shauna died because shauna didn't know what to do with it. a baby she never got a chance to meet in reality could've replaced the love that jackie gave her, and shauna was maybe starting to look forward to that, but that ended before it began. so twice shauna has killed that figure in her life. the one who loves her wholly and for who she is, which is terrifying to shauna in it's own right (she tried to take that away from jackie in their last moments, maybe you never really knew me, because that would be easier. shauna can't handle someone really knowing her because she can't handle really knowing herself because, again, that means addressing things that go unaddressed). and she doesn't plan on killing that figure again.

(if callie's even real, because the baby wasn't real when she met him and jackie wasn't real every time she's talked to her in the last twenty-five years, so who the fuck is to say callie is real?)