#but now i am mad

[hinamie]

post-graduation trip airport looks

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[detentiontrack]

i think the people criticizing chappell roan right now don't understand how bipolar disorder works. chappell roan is diagnosed with bipolar 2. do you know how hard it is to keep it together with major life changes when you are constantly going through phases of hypomania/mania and depression? big life changes can trigger a catastrophic episode. i was hospitalized after moving or almost moving TWICE. you know what is a really big change? suddenly becoming as famous as she is in such a short period of time. bipolar can also cause paranoia and difficulty trusting people. you know what can trigger that? being constantly approached in public by people asking for hugs and pictures and literally FOLLOWING HER WHEREVER SHE GOES. SOME of yall are like "mental health matters <3" but as soon as someone puts down reasonable boundaries or prioritizes their mental health, y'all go after them. i feel that some of you guys just expect musicians and other artists to be emotionless content machines and call them selfish when they actually experience emotions and need boundaries in place. chappell roan is a human being before she is a musician. she does NOT owe you ANYTHING!! at this point the people whining just sound selfish and unsympathetic.

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[egophiliac]

hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O

unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!

my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not

[allastoredeer]

Undercover Angel AU - Part 6

Annnd FIGHT!!

...again!

<- Part 5 |

-> Beginning <-

I know I keep changing my art/coloring style, I'm just having fun with it. (Oh, also, Alastor's wings just curled back in, I promise I didn't forget to draw them).

Tag list below

@exvangelical-christian-nerd @rerarlo, @athanasthos, @mikokatt, @keircat7, @sinsimps, @clearpoolart, @silveraro, @diffidentphantom, @florist-of-the-valley, @procrastinationwon, @sweetbatherodonkey, @90sfr3sh, @just-some-teag, @demonstenes, @anthropomorphiclegume, @redzephyrwinds, @sirenetheblogger, @dustin-but-gayer, @tonystark604, @persephoneblck, @nyx-stars

I'm so sorry if I spelled you're username wrong T.T Most of these came up, but tumblr isn't tagging some of you and I don't know why.

[in-kyblogs]

Doomed by the narrative - Doomed by her parents

[dreammeiser]

Kaloo, Kalay! Earl Conversational Sprites hastily put together for his Birthday Ask Session, which was on June 1st! Thank you to everyone that wished him a happy birthday and visited with him on his special day <:o)

[jack-o-laa]

Alright,, one piece got me

[gremlingirlsmell]

anyways, am-i-the-asshole-official is uncritically platforming transmisogyny. like, real obvious transmisogyny.

like that post has everything. pedojacketing. saying she's gross/creepy. she's "creepy" for basically confessing (joining OPs polycule). her not getting work and her coworkers hating her some how reflecting bad on her, and not them and how transmisogynistic society is. mentioning how tall and broad and scary she looks. calling her creepy for wearing a maid outfit at home while cleaning. and then just peppering in a half-assed vague "oh she sexually abused my partner he says so" while also vaguely saying she "gives off creepy vibes". to justify making her homeless btw

and the people in the notes are LAPPING it up! nta is currently winning. and the blog owner sees no problem platforming this. in the context of the everything happening on this website rn, disgusting honestly

[itslilacokay]

this happens at the end of the influencer arc. im alan becker trust me/JJJJJ

seperate image vers/closeups?

[aalghul]

my eyes start twitching every time i see someone say that Batman recruited jason to keep him from becoming a criminal when it was actually because an untrained, essentially unhomed (since the people he was trying to fight were from his new living situation, and by getting these people caught, he would once again be homeless), and tiny jason todd tried to stop a robbery that had nothing to do with him. batman saw jason’s strong sense of justice and that jason was a good kid in a tough situation (and batman had instantly taken a shine to jason at that point. he was just really charmed by him, and that part’s important too).

[hellinhawkins]

”byler would be rushed!”

wrong! mileven kissed after knowing each other for around six episodes when they were twelve, and eleven couldn’t speak basic english! mike and will have known each other since they were five and know everything about each other! they have had intense buildup over five seasons!! hope this helps <3

“byler would be poor writing!”

wrong again! mike and will have had deeper more heartfelt scenes since episode one than mileven has and it would reveal how much effort the duffers put in to hiding easter eggs and hinting strongly in this direction for YEARS!! hope you find this helpful <333

[sophsicle]

i do sometimes wonder, if the people who get on your case about not updating, understand the level of work that goes into creating things. like obviously, of course, i understand that i have gone a significant amount of time without updating and i GET it. i do. i just am busy, i don't know what else to say. but like, it is work right? like getting out a chapter a week is essentially like having another part-time job. which is why i've needed to take a break. cause i just don't have the time / energy for another part-time job right now. and i don't mind people asking about when fics will update, i really don't. what i do mind is people being like "REALLY you need this much time??" Like DAMN excuse me. i am doing my best. it takes energy and time to create. and i do that for free in the spaces between all the things that i have to do otherwise. idk. idk what the point of this is. other than being like, you must have never made anything, if you don't understand why sometimes it takes time.

[timethehobo]

Hearing news that he’s confirmed romanceable (and described as intimate and sensual) got me so giddy I might just expire.

[egophiliac]

lostinthebookwithstitch.jpg

this is all I can muster right now, too busy having my brain absolutely melted by the September schedule, what is happening