#but now here we are 🤷♀️
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One of those nights again where I try to remember things and gets facts in order while my brain hurts because of how much it wants me to stop
#cant sleep 👎#also im googeling the same symptoms over and over again even tho i know its gonna be the same results every time#like doing more research will somehow magically change anything#i think the most frustrating part is the not knowing#bc that means im not really entitled to anything im feeling ? and that im basically just overreacting for fun#i was very upset for a moment bc my parents neglected me growing up but i mean..#if i dont remember or know that anything bad happened bc of that neglect. well then do i even have the right to be upset ?#it feels like accusing them of a crime i was never witness to. just to create drama or something#but from the bottom of my heart! its not like that at all! i truly feel very bad and im just trying to make sense of that feeling#i used to say it was a good thing that i cant remember so much of my past. bc you know. the brain protects u for a reason#but now i don't know ?#not knowing if there are legitimate reasons for my weirdness or if im just being crazy sucks ass#feeling like i can't trust my own reality always has me unnerved#i miss being happy and carefree🥲 i think deep down i knew something like this might happen. i should have never compromised my peace#but now here we are 🤷♀️
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See, I don’t usually like to think that Hashirama would’ve killed Tobirama if Madara hadn’t given the choice between Tobirama and Hashirama, because those kinds of thoughts usually only come from the anti Hashirama side of the fandom which I could not agree less with if I tried.
But.
The fact remains that Hashirama at some point went from “I will protect my last brother at any cost” to “I will kill anyone who threatens Konoha, even if it were my brother or even my own children” and it’s never fucking shown when that change exactly happened.
Was it when he reached adulthood and he realized for himself that the bigger picture—in his case, peace—matters more than anything else? Was it after Konoha was built and he became Hokage and his responsibilities grew? Was it after Madara left and his heart grew cold?
I imagine it must’ve been a mixture of being Hokage and therefore having more people to protect besides his direct family, and Madara’s betrayal that must’ve struck him pretty badly that he let his heart grow so cold to the point he’d rather kill his best friend/brother/child if they in any way threatened the village resp. peace as a whole than attempting to talk with them first.
But the question remains: What would have Hashirama done if Madara had demanded Tobirama’s life with no other option? I don’t like to imagine that he actually would’ve killed Tobirama, but as much as I devour fics in which Hashirama goes absolutely batshit after his brother dies with relish, canonically speaking, peace would always be Hashirama’s biggest goal. And it’s driving me utterly nuts that I cannot for the life of me say how Hashirama would’ve reacted in this scenario.
Anyway, Idk where I was going with this, I just had to think once again about this and what a fascinating character Hashirama actually is and how little we know about him at the end of the day…
#*newest edit: y'all keep reblogging the wrong version with the stupid addition so i'm removing the option to reblog this 🤷♀️#before you reblog this please keep in mind that names-are-fucking-hard and i already had deep discussions about this in the reblogs#and that we came to a CONCLUSION#this case is now CLOSED to me#so if you wish to add discussion to it - or worse; you want to disagree with the things we discussed here - then make your OWN post#i am done with this post. i moved on. i'm good now so please leave me alone thank you#senju hashirama
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Uhhhh werent Zach and Cody minors
I am aware this might be bait. It's in reference to my post about how there was a Suite Life On Deck episode where Zach was made to sneeze multiple times.
I was just recounting a childhood memory (or a surprising lack-there-of).
This show aired while I was in elementary school, so them being teens didn't bother me at the time, no.
Like many other tween girls, I was a Cole Sprouse fan.
It's really not that deep. You are free to unfollow.
#and zach was the one sneezing#but i was always a cody girl#but fr like if you can't handle the fact that i wxisted before the year 2017#i dont think we can get along#🤷♀️#i wish you werent anon so i could block 😭#and lately many people have been recounting their childhood experiences to share in solidarity#but if i try to add to that discussion with a fun little anecdote#we end up here#ANYWAYA#I'll stop talking now because i think my position is lretty obvious#ask#answered#tumblr bs#not snz
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hey sorry for the stupid question but what is the weather like in australia? I used to think it was really hot there most of the year but when chanlix or skz are filming in australia it's not that sunny and it's it doesn't look like it's really hot either lol
Climate change gets the best of us </3 skz has only ever visited Melbourne and Sydney, these are both south eastern states so unlike say Western Australia or the Northern Territory or even Queensland, we aren't as hot as they are- contrary to the image of Australia that tends to exist I.e literal desert in the outback, we get winter and we get rain, it's autumn right now and today's forecasted temp is 27°c so... that's not exactly cold, but it's not always hot? It's all over the place lol
#nsw is similar to California in weather#i will say its def changed since i was a kid tho bc i think it was just less erratic#like back then we were in drought tho i guess.... and we are about to enter another 20 year drought so.....#regardless though yeah mixed bag#like its still been too hot for autumn imo and our winters are mild like the avg winter day where i am is 23°c or so#and to me thats a nice day so thats why i like winter and autumn best of all the seasons#but i feel like as a kid it was more stable? whereas now we can have a 22 degree day and then the next day is 34° and thats just somewhat#of a wild jump#we get 40+ degree days in summer fairly often even in the southern states tho so again#just depends on what the weather feels like#thats why i was annoyed at the weather when chan was here in feb bc wed been having literally a sunny hot ass week and then he turned up and#that first day was cold and rainy and i was like ???? bro give him some summer#but then it did turn summery so 🤷♀️#me trying to explain weather is like me trying to explain the accent i think i dont do a good job#lmao#ask
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ok so here’s a update from my last post: just finished episode 34 of one piece and omgggg Nami!?!? My giiiiirrrllll 😭😭 I was a bit confused at first on why she was being so mean to the boys and couldn’t fully get why she’d do that. like I understood the other stuff like why she was with Arlongs crew (although not gonna lie that took me a couple episodes to get it)
like at first in episode 31 and 32 I thought Nami was a bitch for stealing the ship, and was definitely curious about how she’d get back with the crew (cause I saw some future clips of her with the crew so I was curious about that) considering what she did but I thought it was nice that she helped Zoro escape and everything and thought that was a nice way of telling the viewer that she is still on their side technically but was just trying to push them away
also that Arlong guy is a bitch and I hate him
#I’m a little liar ok?#I was gonna update on ep 33 but then I watched another episode so now here we are 🤷♀️#I’m sorry this took me so long to type out#My brain is being stupid#i hope this makes sense#I’ll probably edit this later#my post#cobra’s adventures of watching one piece#one piece#nami
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I understand you because I’m so done. It’s not MotoGP anymore, it’s a Ducati cup. So sad to see many riders who are more talented than the ones riding the Ducati being held back by shit bikes. Hope it’s get’s better from 2027 or I don’t know if I’ll keep watching this sport
i've talked a lot about the ducati cup aspect but really look at the races. everybody riding where they're supposed to unless there is some weird conditions (but even then it's always a ducati that ends up winning). and like yes ok thank you marc for providing some overtakes but even the recovery ride from a shit start trick is getting old to me now because it's always the same... sprints every weekend doesn't help with that feeling too
#i'm just saying if marc stayed at honda a lot of people would feel the same 🤷♀️ but because he's on a ducati now they don't care#and like ok good for you i guess!#gonna lose followers again probably (just realized i lost 4 lol) but really your fault if you don't know this blog policy#anyways. not gonna apologize about feeling the way i do#and i know i'm not alone because really who's left from the people who were here on motogpblr 3-4 years ago? not many i can tell you that#i stayed because back then i had hope the sports wouldn't go towards what we have today... got no hope whatsoever now lol#this blog is probably go dead by the end of the year so yeah whatever#*ask#anon
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i just realized the injuries emile gets from the final steps of faith have barely had the time to heal before he hangs out with leofard. i’m fine………
#these scars are FRESH babey#physically and emotionally#he’s such a mystery to me in this fic#figuring out how much of a mask he wears#vs. how much he’s openly miserable lol#leo’s rlly putting up with sm#but he’s also getting dicked down so#who’s really winning here 🤷♀️#also i’ve somehow been so busy today that i forgot to take my break until now#we have an hour until close but i agreed to go to a networking event after ??? why did i do that !#anyway#nsft text#bc i’m sorry#emile/leofard#ffxiv
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ramen dinner with the girls tonight 🤩❤️🔥
#i'm so excited !!#and also nervous bc we haven't hung out in forever 🥹#which means yay lots to catch up on & that's always fun#but also means they might bring up -certain- things that 😭 i do not wanna talk about ever again lol#that's the problem with not seeing each other as often is having to discuss things that happened months ago..#but what are ya gonna do 🤷♀️ it's hard to hang out regularly since we all got full time jobs#+ we live and work far away from each other & the weather always sucks & eating out gets expensive 😫#our vacations are on different times too#and now it's getting darker earlier so... yeah#it's getting less and less safe to hang out at night here and even in broad daylight too man 🙃#we gotta find more activities to do lol but usually i'll see one of them for coffee and walks & those are my fav#man i just wish i lived closer to my friends it sucks#cause even if it's easier now than it was years ago bc i can drive to them#there's alwayssssss construction and traffic the city is horrible#like we mostly just hang out in the suburbs now bc of that. sure there's less options here but at least we can drive peacefully and PARK#that's also another major issue in the city ugh#and it's not even like public transit is a solid option there's always problems there too 🙃#get ur shit together montreal !!!! i wanna love you but you're so hard to love sometimes !!!!!!!!#anyway. i do miss the city i can't even lie. i never go downtown anymore 😢#and i miss my friends !!!!!!!! 😭😭#i'm so excited we're hanging out i hope we can do it more and more often#**#update: ok they didn’t ask about any of the things i was worried about so we good 😇
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Novembmas, Day 13: First Train / Favorites !
Transcription:
[Ingo brings a mug to Emmet working on his laptop on the couch]
(E) [Emmet] (1) "Yayy ! Thanks, you're the best !"
(I) [Ingo] (2) "So does that mean I'm your favorite brother ?"
(E) (3) "But you're the only one I have ?"
[Ingo puts his head on Emmet's and hugs him from behind the couch]
(I) (4) "But am Iiii ?"
(E) (5) "Of course you are"
(I) (6) "Well you're also my favorite brother"
#not gonna lie when I first submitted this prompt i was more thinking about angst#but then i was like “actually... i don't wanna :(”#so here we are lol#fluff <3#i wish i could have had more time with this one i kinda rushed it#i wanted to be proud of it but i'm only semi-satisfied </3#well you can't hit it all the time sometimes it misses 🤷♀️#i want to do another version of this prompt where emmet and ingo are interviewed after being promoted to subway bosses#and when asked “What's your favorite thing about becoming a subway master?”#they both answer at the same time “Being able to do it together” <3<3#(writing this here half because i want to share it and half so I don't forget and can actually do it in the future <3)#... i just realized i forgot to put the computer's logo in the last frame fuck#first ingo's last line now this ? urrgh >:c#aaah well#submas#novembmas#submas november#leene's art tag#blankshippers dni
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Remind me again not to act foolish with men <3
#its crazy but i genuinely think this guy does not like me even tho we clearly like each other#we spent the entire night talking and then when im like ? trying to set up something for the future he doesn't pick up on it at all 😩#cus our scheduled events are over now so i was like... now were not gonna see each other as much :( .... and he was like 🤷♀️ well#bro tf do u mean im trying to give u an opening here so that we can be friendsssss dont diss me !#its sad too bc we had some nice convos and vibes but hes just so hard to read at times#like we clearly like each other why are you trying to make me look stupid by acknowledging that#bitch !#anyway if he doesent reach out to me im gonna have to send him a picuture of a spider as punishment#diary entries
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Bout to test this public WiFi
#summer camp tag#travel tag#ace is a mess#its giving old hprp ace vibes :/ returning to our roots while sleep deprived#i do apologise for audio quality but also not cus im talking to myself in public so this is as good as it gets#but yeah. gonna go be a health centre assistant at american summer camp cus i wanted medical/child care related work experience#as if i didnt have a panic attack a couple months ago trying out a new supermarket#now gonna pretend i can be trusted to go to another country when i hate flying and trying new things#but told myself i had to try doing more things that scare me so 🤷♀️ here we are i guess#i do apologise if this makes no sense i cannot follow a logic conversation structure at the best of times let alone when my head is so fuzzy#im actually freaking out about this flight and the whole immigration thing though like i have a layover#so do i go through immigration at my first american airport or the second when i reach my destination? whats security like?#ive only ever done internal uk flights and ooh stressed what if they ask me something and i say the wrong thing?#i have snacks in my bag but the thought of eating right now makes me nauseous am i even allowed to keep them in my carryon?
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omg hewo u don’t have to reply to this if u don’t wanna but i just read ur tags and wanted to say do not apologise i feel the exact same way when i see ppl talk shit abt jaehyun.. i rage abt it allll the time like keep his name out ur mouth now 🤨🔫 so ur valid and im personally setting everyone on fire for u so u don’t have to see that in ur tags 💗🥰
chzkchxkcjxkcx omg hiiiii 😳💓💓 &thank u!!! tags like that r always in my notifs 🙄🙄 like . did u do it did u secure the not like the other girls personality 🥴
#maybe its just me but personally i dont rb content if i dont have anything nice to say 🤷♀️#thank u for coming all the way here to validate me like this in person 🫂💓💓💓#also??? i thought i was following u but when i went to ur blog i wasnt so . im following u now xhxjcjdkcjxk#hope ur having a lovely Wednesday !!!#im in ur corner like 🔫 at those ppl too <3#replies#seems like a lot of ppl have to tear him down before admitting they think hes hot#like squidward w the krabby patties#&we all kno how that ended
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it's so funny how little my parents care abt my happiness lol
#anyway#goodnight everyone#i only care about my silly little cardboard men and nothing else tbh .. mm#nothing else really makes me happy or matters so that's ok..#n e way ...#i'm gonna take a nap now...#my head is pounding and#i just don't care#edit: i think i need to get over it... i'm never gonna matter to them the way they care abt my sister lol#it's ok...#idfc... 🤷♀️ i'm at my limit i guess...#i need to get out of here.. ahhhh#also in other news the capricorn dude hsjsjdjdkd we are crying djdjdkdks#he's so insane#i'm so glad i don't like him hwhwjsjsjsks but also#i wish i was in love with him bc . oh i need my heart broken so i can get out#i feel nothing for him and yet#i'm still here#ah well... at least i have my lil ig collecting friends and that's enough for me#nothing else needed rn anymore#i miss when i was happy lol#dl
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remembering I've locked all my fics due to the bot scraping and I already post in mostly niche pairings anyway so engagement was always spotty at best and now they're only accessible to ao3 account holders 🙃 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
#like. awww shit here we go again. I know you're supposed to write fic for the enjoyment of it all#but it does kinda feel like what's the goddamn point of WEEKS of work#if barely anyone engages with it. ppl who read it and then just straight up don't kudo or comment like.... thanks!!!#idk man it's demoralizing 🤷♀️ and now I'm back where I was when I had to lock the fics in the first place#wondering what the fuck even is the point? why should I even post anything else? just keep it a mind movie for myself#or a word doc for me to read#I hate that this happened too like the bot scraping made this feeling so much fucking worse#cause now I've limited my already limited audience#so it's like. what's the point?#I've been trying to write this wip for weeks now and it's like man fuck should I even continue trying?#erin explains it all#i write sometimes
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Gos I hate the dentist and I am so nervous 😫 and it’s like 3 levels bc a) I’m going to have to get my wisdom tooth dealt with and b) I haven’t been to the dentist in a few years and I’m sure they’ll bring that up and c) this is the dentist that my grandmother helped me find after I refused to go to a dentist because of my anxiety and everyone there knew her really well and knew that I was her granddaughter. And if they ask about her I have to tell The Saga
#I mean I don’t HAVE to but that’s also the explanation for why I haven’t been in years#bc I was supposed to have an appt right after my grandma moved in with us and I missed it#and then everything was so horrible that I didn’t get it together to reschedule#and then I was embarrassed 🤷♀️#and now here we are
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