#but now I actually think Kristina would be more casual.

[frogprincesnowglobe]

Since you’re taking asks right now, tell me more about Kristina’s late 1980s fashion when she attends Hillerska! (Bonus points if you come across catalogue photos that fit.)

I have so many thoughts on Queen Kristina when she was younger. If they did a spinoff it'd be called "Young Kristina". I don't know if she was a teen in the late 80s or going more into the 90s, and I don't know how the fashion varied in the 80s in Sweden from where I'm from but here's what I'm thinking for 16/17/18/19 year old Crown Princess Kristina:

Let's start with some pictures of the fabulous actress who plays Kristina, Pernilla August, in her early 30s in 1992 (I couldn't find anything younger), to give you a visual of what Kristina might look like.

I think that in the 80's Hillerska would have been the type of school to force the students into uniforms at all times, not just special occasions but they'd break the rules anyway.

The girls of course would buy shoulder pads to pad out the blazers of their uniforms. No homemade shoulder pads here.

Ignore the bad photoshop, but here is Kristina in her shoulder pad Hillerska uniform. She would 10000% be classier than this.

once I gave her shoulder pads I had to make her hair bigger and add a headband, but I actually think Kristina would do something a little more like the example pictures of Pernilla, or the blond model later on in this, something more sleek. Right is a much better representation of what the Hillerska blazer might look like from this 1987 catalog. I found that ages after photoshopping poor Sara into Kristina, ha.

When doing research I saw that the royal family at the time was more demur, with the girls in long dresses a lot, but they had no teens (at least that I could find to go off off.

Dresses her parent's would prefer for out and about on official Crown Princess duties, *not* what Kristina would prefer.

I think Kristina would favor a good pair of light wash jeans with a thin belt and a nice sweater for more casual wear, but her parents would prefer her in nice light dresses. She'd wear tennis skirts and a cardigan over the shoulders, nice black turtlenecks. I headcanon that she does tennis as an extra curricular. Her cousin Carl Johan Horn does rowing.

Kristina's shirt shoes and jeans vibes, and turtleneck vibes and 80's tennis skirt (from etsy) + August's dad hanging out with her in the upper picture.

When the girls have Saturday dinner dress up she'd wear heart lockets or long pearl strands. She'd definitely own a very nice diamond tennis bracelet too, though not for dinners.

Kristina's manor house dinner earrings, necklaces and pendants

Kristina's dinner looks (The left really feels Kristina to me)

Outfits like the below one from Heathers (or similar) would be an occasional outfit. I think she wouldn't be too ostentatious, at least in the day to day, but some of the other Manor house girls would wear these type of looks more often.

I think because Kristina is a royal she'd try to look a little older as well. We see especially in season 2 that they try to make Wille look older, and more polished and put together. So I think she'd sometimes wear more older looking styles, like the gray wool blazer and skirt.

First is from the spring 1985 Sears catalog, and I can't remember where I got the other two.

These summer looks are from the 1989 Sears Fashion book.

Winter looks from the Fall Winter 1988 Sears catalog (I'm pretty sure though she'd be much more bundled in Swedish winter, but she has a cute wool coat that looks like Wille's blue one) She'd wear a lot of thick sweaters! Peep August's dad Carl Johan in the upper right. :)

More Kristina vibes. Honestly I lost track of which catalog I was on but they're all from the 1985/1987/1988/1989 Sears and J.C. Penney Catalogs. Kristina likes slacks and button ups now, she'd definitely have liked it then.

Bonus Carl Johan Horn:

[raincitygirl76]

What will happen to them imminently is they’re both going to get laid for the first time in months. And it looks from these gifs like they’ve both got a lot of sexual frustration to release.

What will happen to them the morning after, and then after that, is pretty much up in the air at this point in 2.05. No wonder they seize the opportunity to be together for what could be the last time. After Simon goes to the police the next day (as he plans to prior to Sara tipping August off and August blackmailing him), all hell will break loose. Kristina will probably try again to pull Wilhelm from Hillerska, and will send sufficient reinforcements this time that she’ll succeed. They might never see each other again.

In a way, the way things worked out in canon is actually better for the boys than Simon’s plan in 2.05. August inadvertently helped them when he doubled down on evading the legal consequences of his first felony by committing a second felony (blackmailing Simon). August will be so deeply annoyed if he ever realizes that!

Wilhelm outing himself in front of rolling cameras and live microphones will cause serious ructions in early S3. But if Simon had gone to the police and named August as the perpetrator, the whole royal court would be trying to discredit Simon. Kristina and Jan-Olof will hate what actually ended up happening, and will surely blame Simon for influencing Wilhelm to out himself. But at least Simon didn’t go to the cops, so they can’t blame him for that.

Of course, Sara DID go to the cops about August. So August being the child pornographer will still come out to the media and the public, and he’ll still be in legal jeopardy. But the queen and the royal court can’t directly blame Simon for his sister’s actions, taken without his knowledge or consent. Although I’m sure they’ll try!

Of course, once Sara has gone to the police, it’s inevitable the drug thing will come out, as August’s revenge. Which way will Kristina and the royal court go then? Will they see this as an opportunity to get rid of Simon, and discredit him publicly? A drug dealer is not a fit boyfriend for a Crown Prince, and public opinion would turn against Simon. Or would Kristina reluctantly realize that Wille will stick by his boyfriend no matter how much mud the tabloids and the general public throw at Simon? And thus try to protect Simon.

My guess is the former. She and Jan-Olof still don’t realize (mostly because they don’t WANT to) that Wille is ride or die for Simon. He won’t dump him just because the opinion polls say the royal family is perceived more negatively due to the Crown Prince’s involvement with a boy who’s under a police investigation for drug dealing.

The royal court persist in thinking of Simon as an unfortunate infatuation that will pass soon enough if they just wait Wille out. I think it will be a long time before they finally accept that they’re wrong. This is not a casual hookup, this is not friends with benefits, this is not a phase. The Crown Prince’s relationship with Simon is not a straight boy engaging in adolescent sexual experimentation prior to settling down and only fucking girls. Wilhelm is in love, he remained in love for several months after Simon dumped him, and now they’re back together, he is even more in love. Kristina & Co need to accept Wille won’t get bored and move on anytime soon.

I also suspect Micke will come back in S3. It’s his name on the pill bottles, not Simon’s. He could claim he sold the drugs directly to August, and Simon took the blame to try and shield his dad. Since Micke surely has a criminal record already and is an adult, he would be punished worse for drug dealing than a minor with no record. It would probably mean prison for Micke. The police would also find it more credible that the perpetrator is a known addict and petty criminal, rather than a 16 year old with good grades (except in math!) and no previous police involvement.

I can’t see Micke thinking up this scheme on his own, and I can’t see Simon asking Micke to take the blame for him. Plus, Micke has never MET August. But Sara called the cops on August at the very end of S2 to try and atone for betraying her brother. Inadvertently, her attempts to make things right will actually make things much worse for Simon, because August will not hesitate for a moment to use his blackmail material.

But Sara has a ruthless streak a mile wide. She is now very invested in August going down and Simon not being dragged down with him. And she knows August well enough that she could coach Micke into what to say to make it plausible that he sold drugs directly to August without Simon being involved. Given Sara’s canonical feelings about her dad, I don’t think she would hesitate for a moment to try and convince him to take the fall for Simon.

Micke’s been a shitty, shitty father to both his kids, and he knows it. Sara has known him for 18 years, even though she cut off contact a few years ago. She would know exactly which verbal buttons to push to try and convince Micke to sacrifice himself to save Simon from a criminal record and public opprobrium. Micke says he loves his kids, I could totally see Sara challenging him to prove it.

In which case public sympathy would swing back towards Simon, as a teenager desperately trying to save his addict dad from the consequences of his dad’s criminal behaviour. And yeah, August would say he got the drugs from Simon, not directly from Micke (and he’d actually be telling the truth for once in his life).

But since August would already be known at this point to have victimized Simon with child pornography, the police and the public would probably be skeptical of August’s (entirely true) claims he got the drugs from Simon. And see it as August trying to discredit one of his victims. At least they’d see it that way after Micke came forward and said the drug deals were all him and August. That Simon wasn’t involved in his dad’s drug deal with August, and only found out about it later.

Obviously all of the above is intensely speculative and may be entirely wrong. I have no spoilers at all.

Simon & Wilhelm ● “What will happen to us?” ”..I don’t know.” [p4]

Source: Young Royals S2/Netflix

[livexdolan]

A/n: Tumblr accidentally posted this when I went to save it. In conclusion: I hate Tumblr. Here’s your concept boo sorry about the confusion :))

“Honey, I’m home!” You call out into the house, jokingly.

Shutting the door behind you, you immediately hear the loud sounds of people in the den. Smiling, you set your bag on the table and walk to the open doorway. Grayson, Ethan, Kris, and Larri are all sprawled on the couch, playing the game you recognize as Call of Duty. Grayson’s sitting at the edge of his cushion, obviously too into the game to realize you are watching him. Larri and Ethan are not as into the game and when Kris smiles at you from her spot next to Ethan and says, “Y/n! You made it!” The two give you a smile.

“Larri! You’re supposed to be covering my 2! Bro!” Grayson groans and you laugh, finally catching his attention. Grayson glances over to the doorway, his ears perking up under his headset at the sound of your giggle. You look like an angel to him, leaning against the doorway in jean shorts and a cropped tank top. The light from the windows and lights outlining your body beautifully.

Of course, you’re just his friend, so he can’t tell you that but he wants to. Meeting Grayson and Ethan through Kristina, you never expected to fall for the younger, loud, and boisterous twin, and yet, here you are, “Y/n! Hey,” Grayson tries to sound casual but you smile at the pitch in his voice.

You know Grayson likes you, it’s pretty obvious. At first, you found it sweet and kind of funny but now that you like him back- every time you’re around him you blush more and laugh more and it’s just- more. All of your friends know you like each other but you can’t help but feel slightly insecure- being two years older than Grayson is not your ideal scenario. You’re also nowhere near as skinny or toned as the other girls Grayson has dated. Being 5’8 and a little bit curvier than most girls in LA- you’re used to being kind of- pushed aside.

However, when you’re with Grayson, you feel like you can take on the world. You're forceful front, with Grayson by your side, you are unstoppable. Grayson, Kristina, and Ethan were the reason you finally went for your dream of opening your own small business online. Grayson even stayed up with you way too late many nights helping with your website, buying products in bulk and getting the best prices, even making you cup after cup of coffee so you wouldn’t fall asleep. Some nights, he would even carry you to his room, tucking you into the warm comforter after he found you passed out at the island counter.

A few months later, you had gained thousands of followers, were working on multiple collabs with different influencers (including Wakeheart), and being able to afford to rent your own apartment, getting out of your three-bedroom apartment with four other people. You owed everything to the twins and your best friend.

“Come sit next to me, yeah?” Grayson’s voice broke you from your memories and you nod, going to sit next to him on the floral couch, “You know how to play?” You shake your head, looking up at him, biting your lip.

“No, I was never really interested in video games,” You reply and he smiles, knowing you're more of a go skateboarding and surfing kind of girl.

“Well, today’s your lucky day. I’m gonna teach you how to play,” He smirks down at you, the butterflies in your stomach wake up, swarming around your belly.

“Grayson! With your rat-ass lookin’ self! We’re losing lover boy!” Larri’s shriek pulls the two of you out of your little staring contest and you both blush.

“Sorry, sorry,” Grayson mumbles, moving his fingers nimbly on the controller, “Come here, Y/n//n, sit between my legs so I can show you what I’m doing,” He doesn’t even look back at you from the screen.

You’re sure your entire face is the color of a tomato as he lifts his arms up, saying something to Ethan about checking out a house for weapons. You hesitantly slide between his legs, his legs widen further so you nestled against him. Bringing his arms back down, they’re now wrapped around you, the controller almost sitting in your lap. Your heart is racing so fast you can barely breathe, all you can see hear, feel, is Grayson. His warmth, his scent, his arms around you, his thighs on either side of yours, his breath behind your ear, and his chest pressed against your back.

He leans into you slightly, making you sit up straighter, “Relax,” his voice whispers into your ear, causing goosebumps and a chill down your spine.

Your body follows his command without you even realizing it, and you’re now pressed fully against him. You can feel his heart beating steadily against you and it bothers you that he can be so calm at this moment. He grabs your hands and shows you how to hold the controller, showing you what each button and knob does as the two of you watch the screen. It takes you a while to understand, seeing as you’re more interested in the feel of being cuddled up to him, but slowly-but-surely, you get it. By the time you start to really get into it, Larri has already left, and Ethan and Kris called it a night, leaving the two of you alone.

To your dismay, Grayson pulls his hands away, but your disappointment is replaced with a rush of blood going through you, as his hands land on your hips and squeeze slightly, “Try it on your own. You’re doing great,” he says, encouragingly.

Knowing he wouldn’t let you do it on your own if he didn’t truly believe you could you straighten up a little, cracking your knuckles before grabbing the controller. Grayson’s chuckle rumbles against your back. You elbow him jokingly, "Shut up."

You end up getting killed in about 20 minutes- but they were the most exciting 20 minutes of your life. You weren't even upset about losing, instead, turning to cheer with Grayson you give him a wide smile. His heart skips a beat, "Did you see that? I got not one-" you hold up your index finger, "not two," you put up your middle finger, "but three!" your ring finger goes up next, "Three headshots! I am amazing! Woo!" Grayson laughs, his whole body vibrating with excitement from your excitement.

That's when you both realize how close you are to each other. Your smiles falter slightly as the adrenaline rush you're on starts to fade. You notice the circles under his eye and can't help but feel bad about keeping him past his bedtime. Before you know what you're doing, you reach a hand up, brushing off an eyelash on his cheek. Grayson watches you carefully, praying to whoever's listening that he doesn't do anything stupid like sneeze or burp. You smile at him and his heart melts at the way your face glowing in the dim lights.

"Hey, Gray?" You whisper, afraid if you talk any louder you will burst the bubble that surrounds the two of you.

He smiles cutely, "Hey y/n/n?"

"I really like playing video games."

Grayson stares at you for a second, before bursting with laughter. You pull back, eyebrows high on your face, "What? What's so funny?" You pout, thinking he's laughing at you.

He sobers at the look on your face and sighs, "You're too cute. oh my God, I thought you were going to say something super serious. Jesus." He tucks a hair behind your ear, the grin never leaving his face.

Before you can say anything, your phone goes off. You scramble off him to get the phone. Your friend's name flashes on the screen and you text her that you'll call her later. You see how late it is and turn back to Grayson with a guilty look, "It's a lot later than I realized."

Grayson tries (and fails) to cover how disappointed he was, "Oh. You need to get home?"

"No, I was actually gonna ask if I could stay the night?" His heart stops for a moment, thinking you meant to stay with him but you, painfully, fix your mistake, "I mean like- in the guest bedroom, obviously," you laugh nervously and he does too.

The two of you part quickly after that, going to your respective bedrooms to calm down. As Grayson stares at the ceiling above his bed, he swears that tomorrow he's going to do everything in his power to get you in his bed.

A/n: I really went off-script with this- I'm sorry. I'd love to do a little continuation of the next day but I felt this was way too long. Sorry about all the technical issues too :)

[jtsfavslut]

Show Me How

Description: After countless ‘I think she’s the one’ Grayson loses hope in finding his soulmate. But one girl gives him the hope to try again. 

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4.5k+

Parties were not your scene. They just weren’t, but they certainly were your friends, and they loved to drag you with them.

Which is the only reason why you're in a stranger's kitchen, it was a nice kitchen tho, definitely better than the one at your tiny and overpriced apartment.

“I haven’t seen you around,” a random man’s voice spoke as they stood next to you.

“Cool,” you nicely replied, taking a sip of the cup that you were holding onto for dear life.

“You look hot,” he replied again, making you roll your eyes and turn to look at him.

“And you look like you should leave me alone,” you replied, you were a bit scared, he was taller than you and under the influence of alcohol and other things. 

“Feisty, I like it,” he smirked and you instantly felt smaller and scared. 

“And she doesn’t like you,” another man’s voice spoke, but from behind you, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close but not that close. 

“And who are you?” the previous guy asked with an attitude. 

“I’m her boyfriend, and I suggest you leave her alone and leave while you’re at it,” he replied and the guy just scoffed and left. 

“Thank you so much, he was starting to scare me,” you thanked as his arm unwrapped from you. 

“It’s no problem. He shouldn’t be talking to you like that, or anyone else on that matter. I mean even I could tell you had no interest in him,” he replied giving you a smile that you returned.

“But seriously thank you, I don’t know what he was finna do if you didn’t come along,” you replied, placing your cup on the counter next to you. “I’m Nailed by the way,” you added with a smile. 

“Grayson,” he replied, returning your smile. “Also not to be rude, but I’ve never seen you around. Are you new to the ‘youtube community’ or?” he asked and you shook your head with a giggle.

“Oh no, I could never. My friends are and they dragged me here,” you replied and he sent you a confused look.

“Why not?” he asked and you shrugged.

“I don’t know, I’m more of a lowkey kind of person you know. Like thousands of people watching me do something sounds weird” you said emphasizing the ‘me’ in your sentence. 

“Oh, I get what you mean. But you get used to it.” he shrugged and you nodded your head. 

“You know what’s funny. I get hate every day because of my friends, like why do you take time out of your day to make me laugh, like really?” you said laughing a bit. It was true, you get hate and laugh at it, you could say that growing up with your family made you immune to hate.

“See, you’re ready to be a YouTuber or something, you’re like mentally prepared,” he replied with a chuckle.

“I’ll think about it,” you replied and took another sip of your water, “I think I’m gonna go,” you sighed looking at the time displayed on your phone screen. 

“Wait, why?” Grayson asked as he stared at you. 

“I’m bored, and it’s late. Plus my friends all left me so,” you shrugged.

“So you’re gonna leave me,” he replied, acting offended.

“Bro, I’m not leaving you. I’m leaving the party, plus I’m hungry,” you replied, putting your phone in your pocket.

“It’s my party, so technically you’re leaving me. Can you just stay? At least for a bit?” he asked, making you blush, thank God for makeup. You were confused as to why he didn’t want you to leave, but you didn’t mind it either. 

 “Fine, and thank God I didn’t talk shit about the party,” you replied, making him laugh. 

“What is my party?” he asked and you shook your head. 

“No, but I told you pirates aren’t my thing. I would be reading a book right now,” you replied and he shook his head. 

“A book?” he asked and you nodded your head. 

“Yes, a book. Reading is actually fun dude,” you replied and he nodded his head. 

“Well, then I’m gonna take your word on that and-,” he began saying before someone yelled his name cutting him off. 

That someone looked just like him making you think they were twins. 

“Ethan this is Y/N, Y/N this is Ethan, my twin brother,” he said as Ethan sort of inspected you and looked at you weirdly making you feel uncomfortable. 

“Hey,” he said, sending you a smile. 

“Hi,” you replied, returning him the smile. 

“She came here with her friends but they left her alone, and Bryce was acting weird so I came,” Grayson said and you nodded your head. 

“Oh, yeah he said you were being a bitch and left,” Ethan replied and you shook your head.

“No, he was being a bitch, harassing me and shit. He was scaring me,” you replied making them laugh. 

“At least he’s gone now,” Ethan said and you nodded your head. “I don’t know who told him to come, because it wasn’t me,” he added and Grayson shrugged.

“Me neither,” Grayson replied. 

“He probably came along with someone, like I did,” you replied and they both agreed. “Now this conversation is nice and all, pero I’m hungry, so,” you said, getting your keys out of your pocket. 

“What does pero mean, is it Spanish?” Ethan asked and you nodded your head. 

“Yeah, it means but,” you replied and he nodded his head and repeated the word to himself.

“Wait, can you give someone a ride, my girl was gonna leave to get food too,” he asked and you nodded your head. 

“Yeah sure, I don’t mind.” you shrugged and he nodded your head, he left and said he was gonna go get her. 

“So you’re gonna come back?” Grayson asked and you nodded your head. 

“I kinda have to now, but yeah,” you replied and looked around. You spotted one of your friends doing something but you didn’t know what.

“Ok, here she is,” Ethan said, coming back to a girl.

“Hi, I’m Karolina,” she said and you could hear a slight accent in her voice. 

“Hey girl, I’m Y/N,” you replied with a smile. “Do you wanna go now?” you asked and she nodded her head. You guys said your goodbye’s and she followed you out the house and into your car.

“Do you have any place in mind? I’m up for anything?” you asked turning on your car after putting your seatbelt on.

“Umm anything open honestly, and offer vegan food, they’re vegan,” she replied and you nodded your head.

“Wait, they’re vegan?” you asked and she nodded her head.

“Yeah, for a while now, it’s kind of annoying because sometimes not all places offer vegan options, and then we have to leave or something. But don’t tell me I said that,” she replied, making you laugh.

“My lips are sealed,” you replied making her laugh.

“So I see you were talking to Gray,” you pointed out, making you blush slightly but you still did.

“Yeah, he’s nice,” you casually replied. 

“Nice? Girl, he was all up on you,” she said making you shake your head while smiling. 

“He was not. He was just being nice,” you replied as she stared at you as if you were crazy.

“Ethan told me he had to go over to you guys because he saw him talking to you for like minutes,” she said and you shrugged,

“I mean yeah, but I doubt it. Doesn’t he have a girlfriend or something?” you asked and you shook her head.

“Nah, he struggles. A LOT,” she replied emphasizing the ‘a lot’.

“Word? How does he struggle when he looks like that?” you asked surprised. 

“Don’t tell him I told you this but, Grayson is a guy that goes straight to the point. And he does the same thing with relationships, he falls fast and some girls don’t like that,” she sighed and shook her head.

“Awww dito, that’s sad. But I get it. He wants someone to stay with and just settle down with. He’s ready to commit,” you replied and she nodded her head. 

“Yeah, and he falls fast, and Ethan always has to protect him and be there for him,” she explained. 

“Well, hopefully, he finds someone who loves him for him. I mean he seems like a really nice person and everyone deserves to be happy,” you replied as you parked your car in front of one of the restaurants your friends go to. 

“Yeah, he is, he just has to be patient,” she replied and you guys got out of the car and walked inside, ordered the food, and left. 

When you got back to the house, everyone had left and it was just you, Kristina, the twins, and their closest friends who they introduced you to. 

“Wait so you’re in college,” Ryan (not n-word Ryan) asked you and you nodded your head. 

“Yeah, but I might drop out, It’s not for me anymore. I only have a year left so I don’t know,” you shrugged and he nodded his head. 

“Might as well finish and get what you paid for,” he replied and you nodded your head.

“True, I don’t even want to be a doctor anymore,” you sighed and took a sip of your milkshake. 

“If it’s not good for your mental health then don’t do it,” Grayson shrugged and you nodded your head. 

“Yeah, I don’t know yet. I’m still thinking about it, anyway I think I’m gonna go,” you yawned getting up and throwing your trash in the trash can. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Grayson said and you nodded your head.

You followed him out of the house and walked towards your car. 

“Thank you for saving me from Bryce today,” you smiled and he nodded his head. 

“I told you it was no problem,” he replied with a smile and put his hands inside his pockets. 

“Umm, anyways,” you awkwardly replied leaning against your car. 

“Yeah, um-” he began saying before he got cut off by Ethan.

“Just give him your number. He’s struggling to ask you for it,” Ethan shouted, making you and Grayson blush. 

“Yeah, what he said,” he shyly smiled and you nodded your head. 

He pulled his phone and handed it to you while you handed him yours and exchanged numbers. 

“I’ll text you?” he asked and you nodded your head, putting your phone back in your pocket. 

“I’ll see you around Gray,” you softly said as you got inside your car, turning it on. 

“See ya, let me know when you get home, yeah?” he replied and waited for you to go back inside and get bullied by Ethan and the rest. 

When you got home, you shot him a quick text letting him know and took a shower before going to bed. 

Gray:

Good. Wyd?

Me: 

Watching a show, you?

Gray: 

Cleaning the kitchen

Me:

Wait...by yourself?

Gray: 

Yeah, E and Karolina when to bed so 

Me:

OOP, lmao good luck.

You replied before putting your phone down and continuing to watch your show before your phone started ringing. He was calling you so you answered.

“Hello,” you answered putting it on speaker and putting the phone on the bed.

“Hey, sorry if it’s random, I’m bored and basically alone,” he replied.

“It’s ok, I don’t mind, I wasn’t really watching the show anyway,” you replied, which was a lie. You were really into the show. 

“Listen, I know we just met and all, but do you wanna go somewhere tomorrow? It’s ok if you don’t,” he asked, making you smile and blush.

“Sure, just let me know when and where so I can get dressed appropriately,” you replied. 

“Umm, do you wanna go hiking, well not really a hike more of a walk?” he replied, making you laugh.

“You’re not gonna push me off the mountain or something right?” you joked.

“Ohh I’m definitely gonna do that,” he joked as a large smile waltz it’s way onto your face.

“Ok, so I won’t wear white. Is a tracksuit ok? I don’t go hiking a lot.” you said chuckling at the end, while Grayson nodded his head even though you couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, anything is ok. Well not really anything, heels are not good for hiking, or dresses, or skirts,” he slightly chuckled making you shake your head with a smile. 

“So, I’ll wear that and some sneakers,” you said, getting up from your bed to get the outfit and lay it down on a chair. “And I’ll just put my hair into a bun or something. You’re not gonna make me run are you?” you asked and heard him chuckle. 

“No, why?” 

“Because I used to run Track and Field, and I don’t want anything to do with running for a long time,” you said, emphasizing the 'long time'. You loved running but Track made you dislike it for a while.

“Oh, in high school?” he asked and you nodded your head forgetting he couldn't see you.

“Yeah, not to brag but I was a state champion,” you said with a smile walking over to your dresses pulling out a pair of socks and underwear. 

“Oh so you’re fast, but you’re so tiny,” he joked making you roll your eyes.

“And this is where I hang up,” you joked before he cut you off with a ‘NO’.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he said and you shook your head, leaving your room and walking over to the kitchen.

“So, Karolina told me you guys are vegan?” you asked.

“Yeah, for a few years now actually. It’s nice,” he replied as you rummaged through your cabinets. 

“That’s cool and all, but I could never,” you sighed grabbing a Rice Krispies treat and eating it.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you replied chewing and swallowing, “I like meat and all. I’ve tried but couldn't. I was dairy-free for two months though,” you added, causing him to laugh.

“Ethan would be so disappointed,” he said laughing.

“Ethan can suck a dick, but that’s not really vegan, so he can suck on an eggplant,” you joked and heard Grayson wheeze making your jaw drop.

“Sir, do you have asthma?” you asked and he answered with a faint ‘yes’ since his laughter wouldn’t let him speak. You weren’t annoyed because it happened to you all the time. 

“Ok, ok, I’m done,” he said out of breath after a few LONG seconds of laughing. 

“Dang, I didn’t know I was that funny. I would’ve chosen to be a stand-up comedian instead of a surgeon,” you said and he let out another loud chuckle. 

You were on the phone for another hour, until you both decided it was really late and you needed some sleep for tomorrow. 

You finished watching the episode you were on and went to bed, only to wake up at 6 the next morning, since you agreed to have Grayson picked you up at 7:30. 

You did your business in the bathroom and took a quick shower. You did your usual routine, substituting your makeup with chapstick and waterproof mascara, you got dressed in the clothes you had taken out yesterday; a cute baby blue legging and sports bra set that your friend had gotten you. (could never be me)

You put your hair into a slick back bun, put on extra deodorant along with perfume, and made your way into the kitchen with 10 minutes remaining, which you used to cut up some strawberries and bananas, throw them in your blender with some other ingredients and place them inside two cute containers you had gotten from a random store. Smoothie bowls were your go two, they only took about 5 minutes to make and were so good too. 

Grayson sent you a text letting you know he was downstairs so you grabbed your bag with everything you needed inside, the smoothie bowls with spoons and two bottles of water, and made your way downstairs. 

“Hey,” you softly said once you saw him standing in front of the passenger door of his car, waiting for you. 

“Hi,” he said with a smile and opened the door, you got inside the car and muttered a small thank you, you put your seatbelt on and placed your little backpack between your seat and the bowls on your lap. 

“Ok, I made you this,” you said, handing him the bowl with the smoothie inside. “I made sure everything I put inside was either vegan or plant-based,” you said as he opened the bowl. 

“Oh good, thank you, this looks so good by the way,” he said with a smile as you handed him the spoon. 

“No problem, I figured you hadn't eaten anything, and it’s better to make things yourself than spend money on them, only sometimes though,” you said and started eating yours, he did too, considering the car was driving itself. 

“And we're here,” he said, parking the car since he started driving after he finished. 

“This is really exciting actually,” you said with a smile once you got out of the car and looked around the scenery in front of you. 

It was just trees but it seemed peaceful and calm, And the air felt slightly clean if you compared it to the one in LA. 

“I come here when I need some time away from the city and stuff,” he said, grabbing your small backpack from your hands and putting it on. 

“I see why, and that looks so cute on you,” you joked making him shake his head with a smile. 

“You ready?” he asked and you nodded your head. 

Ten minutes into your little ‘hike’ and the sun was beating down on you like there was no tomorrow. You naturally tan skin getting darker than before. 

“This is fun,” you said with a smile and Grayson turned to look towards you. 

“Really, or are you just saying it because you don’t want to hurt my feelings?” Grayson asked and you laughed. 

“Babe, I don't have a sugar coat. And I’m serious it’s so peaceful and calm, it reminds me of where I grew up,” you said with a smile making sure to pay attention to the floor so that you don’t trip and embarrass yourself. 

“Good because it reminds me of Jersey, and my childhood home and things,” he said, making you smile. 

“That’s cute, Oh can we sit on that bench over?” you asked and he nodded his head and you began to walk towards it. 

“Ok, tho but I would do this every morning if I wasn’t studying,” you sighed as you gave your legs a break from all of that walking.

“I started to do it with E, but then we stopped. But I try to at least every other day, gotta treat your body right, you know?”

“Mhm, yeah. I always try to sneak a workout in every day or go for a walk around the block which isn’t safe but you gotta do what you need to,” you said and closed your eyes as the sun shined on you and Grayson secretly watched you. 

“Maybe we can try and go for hikes here and there,” he shyly spoke, making you smile. 

“Yeah, we can be hiking buddies or something,” you spoke opening your eyes and sending him a smile. 

“Yeah,” he spoke as you got up from your seat. 

“Alright. Breaks over, move that ass sir,” you said making him laugh and get up from the bench. 

“Ignoring the fact that my legs want to kill me, this was fun,” you said standing in front of his car. You just finished walking back making the entire hike about and 1 and half long. 

“Yeah, you get used to it tho, but yeah it was fun, especially when you almost ate dirt if only I wasn’t there to save you,” he said with a smirk causing you to scoff. 

“Oh god, so funny, I’m gonna die HAHA,” you sarcastically said and rolled your eyes. “OK but it was kinda funny,” you chuckled causing him to laugh. 

“I’m hungry, you wanna grab something to eat?” he asked and you nodded your head. 

“Please? I’m so hungry,” you said.

“OK let’s go,” he said and you opened your door getting inside the car. 

“You want to come in? It’s ok if you don’t,” he asked as he pulled up to his house and you shrugged. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother,” you asked and he nodded his head.

“I’m sure, come on Ethan isn’t here so it doesn’t matter,” he said, making you agree. 

“Oh wow, now this is pretty, it was pretty last night but now? Dang,” you said and he shook his head smiling. 

“Thanks, me and E remodeled it and stuff,” he replied, dropping the empty food containers in the trash. “You wanna go to the pool, try to cool off?”

“I would but I don’t have clothes,” you pouted pointing to your outfit. 

“I can give you one of my t-shirts,” he said and you nodded your head, and followed him to his room since he told you. 

“Ok, you can wear this then I'll give you something else before you go,” he said handing you a white tee with a Wakeheart logo on the left part of the chest. 

“Thank you,” you replied, getting the shirt from his hand with a smile. 

“You can change in here or in the bathroom over there if you want. I’ll be in the pool,” he said and you nodded your head before he walked out leaving you in his room. 

You quickly changed into the shirt, taking the bra and leggings off along with your shoes and socks, and slipping into the shirt, neatly folding your stuff and leaving it on the corner of his head before walking out towards the pool. 

Grayson’s heart rate accelerated at the sight of you in his shirt, his imagination created both cute and sinful thoughts. 

“Hi,” you softly smiled, slipping inside the pool and staying by the edge. 

“Hey,” he replied moving closer towards you. 

“Not to ruin the vibe, but I can’t swim,” you whispered and he let out a loud laugh. 

“Are you serious? Please tell me you're joking,” he laughed causing you to playfully slap his arm. 

“I’m serious asshat,” you replied and he stopped laughing. 

“Oh wow, how?” he asked and you rolled your eyes. 

“I never learned, how else?” you replied and he shrugged. 

“Ok, so if I were to pick you up and throw you over there-” he began before you cut him off.

“-I would drown and hunt you in your sleep you bitch,” you said, causing him to laugh.

“I’m not laughing Grayson, don’t you dare,” you said pointing your finger at his face like a mother would to their child. 

“I’ll save you, I promise,” he said and picked you up before you could try and run away, a loud squeal falling past your lips. 

“Grayson-” you began screaming before you felt yourself being thrown in the air and falling inside the pool. 

Not even a second after you felt a pair of arms wrap around you and pull you up to the surface, where you took a large and scared deep breath.

“I hate you so fucking much guy,” you screamed laughing, you didn’t hate him. 

“You’re laughing so you don’t,” he said and helped you get towards that edge.

“I don’t but still,” you said shaking your head and leaning against the pool wall.

“Alright, I’m sorry that was insensitive,” he apologized and you noticed the sadness in his voice. 

“Gray, you don’t have to apologize, we’re having fun. And you’re not insensitive because you didn’t hurt my feelings in any way,” you said rubbing his arm in a comforting way as he let out a sigh. “Are ok? Do you want to talk about it?” You softly asked, noticing how his energy changed from being happy to sad and concerned, making you feel his concern and sadness. 

“It’s ok. I’m ok,” he said shaking his head and putting on a smile, which you can tell was fake. 

“I know you’re not ok right now, I feel your energy, but if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you to,” you softly said, making sure you weren’t pushing any of his boundaries. You carefully lifted yourself sitting down on the edge while keeping your feet inside the water.

“It’s just I don’t know, I’m scared to get hurt again, what if I’m doing something wrong and I never figure out what it is and I never find my soulmate and never have kids,” he sighed standing between your legs placing his hands on your knees.

“What do you mean to get hurt? Who’s going to hurt you?” you asked, confused as to what he was referring to. 

“I mean to hurt like emotionally hurt. And I mean like what if I never find my person and keep getting hurt by trying,” he sighed and you nodded your head as he spoke to let him know you were listening. 

“Well, when it comes to dating and love life, I’m not the best person to ask for advice but I’ll tell you this,” you began saying before letting out a sigh. “Everyone has a soulmate or their person, you just have to wait, sometimes it’s obvious as to who it is, while other times it’s the person you least expect it to be, just be patient,” you said with a smile and he nodded his head and laid it on your leg.

“And how will I know?” he muttered against your leg.

“You’ll feel it. You’ll feel connected to that person in a way that you’ve never felt with anyone else, and you’ll just know,” you shrugged and felt him nod. 

“Now, stop being sappy and have fun. It’s October, Halloween is coming up. Correction, Halloween has started for me,” you said and a genuine smile returned to his face. 

“We need to decorate, it’s our first Halloween here,” he spoke and sat down next to you.

“Oh, you guys need to go hard. I wish I could decorate but I can’t decorate the whole building, that's just weird,” you said making him laugh.

“Maybe you can help us decorate,” he said and you nodded your head. 

“Ah yes, just tell me when,” you replied.

It was two days. Two days of consecutive texting before Grayson knew he wanted to- no needed to see you again. 

Not before he was warned by Ethan. He had promised Ethan he wasn’t going to get himself entangled with anyone yet, that he was going to relax and stay on his own for a little. 

But he knew he needed to see you, so he told Ethan you were going to help him decorate, which was true. Plus Ethan thought you were a good person, along with Ryan and Karolina so why not meet up with you for a bit. 

Part Two

Tags: @fangdolan @simplyxdolxstyles @333dolans @dolanissues @ydolanssss @rhyrhy462 @blindedbythelightt

[needtherapy]

to be human is a haunting, Part 3

A love story for Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen

In a modern world, in a modern city that still has need for cultivators, Song Lan

(war hero, rogue cultivator, orphan)

goes for a run in the park, kills a dankang, makes a friend, and meets a beautiful man with a dog, all before he has to go to therapy. It's the best day he's had in ten years.

Read more Kristina Writes Tiny Stories

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Read over on AO3 instead

Rated E for Explicit sexy times, mild demon killing, and swearing.

— ⚔ — — ⚔ — — ⚔ —

Part 3

“How are you doing today?” Dr. Wen asks.

Such a simple question, one people answer every day, but Song Lan is stumped. He’s distracted and flustered, and he can’t stop thinking about the man in the park. He should just say he’s fine. That’s what people say.

“Fine.”

Dr. Wen nods thoughtfully. “It took a long time to answer. What were you thinking about?”

Fairy tales, Song Lan thinks. How people in fairy tales fall in love at first sight, and how utterly unrealistic that is. How can you know you’ll want to spend your life with someone just by the color of their hair or the suggestion of a wide, graceful smile, or the shape of their body in the distance? That can’t be all love is.

“Nothing,” he says.

— ⚔ —

They make it to the bed eventually, after Song Lan has the absolute pleasure of peeling off Xingchen’s bespoke jacket and vest, unbuttoning the white shirt that is made of the softest cotton he’s ever felt, unbuckling his belt, removing his pants and being rewarded with the sight of his gorgeous, glorious body.

“Is it what you hoped?” Xingchen asks when Song Lan is quiet and motionless for a little too long, and he sounds almost nervous.

Song Lan touches the array of tiny freckles on Xingchen’s chest

 eight

 a constellation of stars

and smiles at him, an easy smile, a smile that feels natural and joyful and right.

“It is. You are,” he says honestly.

Even the things that shouldn’t be sexy—Xingchen nudging him to roll, the question “is this okay,” the condom, the sound of lube—are torment, and by the time Xingchen’s fingers are inside him, moving, dragging harsh, guttural moans from him, Song Lan is hard again, so aroused he’s fairly sure he’s going to finish before Xingchen.

He lifts his hips up more to make it easier, to get Xingchen in faster, and Xingchen laughs at how desperately eager he is.

“So greedy, Zichen. I should make you wait a little longer. I’m sure I can hold out,” Xingchen says, but his hands on Song Lan’s back are trembling, and Song Lan laughs at the absolute lie.

He laughs.

He’s never laughed during sex, never imagined a reason his heart could be filled so fully that laughter would overflow.

“Don’t you dare,” he says.

Xingchen pretends to consider it, so Song Lan catches Xingchen with his legs, pinning him in place even as he feels Xingchen pushing inside him.

And it’s perfect. Xingchen’s hands on his thighs and waist and ass feels perfect. Xingchen inside him feels perfect. The way they move together is perfect. Xingchen saying his name is perfect.

“Zichen, where have you been?” Xingchen groans, kissing the space between his shoulder blades. “Why didn’t I find you before?”

Song Lan doesn’t have an answer for that, but for the first time, he doesn’t care to look in the past with regret. Now is enough. Now is a place to start.

Xingchen is rougher than Song Lan would have guessed, although Song Lan senses it’s only the edge of what he’s capable of, and every time he thrusts against Song Lan, it’s hard enough that he feels it in his chest, hard enough that lightning strikes him over and over. Everything Xingchen is—everything he could be—Song Lan wants.

Xingchen comes with one hand clenched tightly in Song Lan’s hair, the other curled around his hip bone, fingernails digging into Song Lan’s skin, tiny half moons he expects to see later. Song Lan only has time to stroke himself twice; the involuntary tightening of Xingchen’s hands, the sound of him moaning Song Lan’s name, is enough for his second orgasm to rocket through him, sharp as a blade.

Song Lan tilts awkwardly, falling away from Xingchen to land on his side, and Xingchen chuckles before he lays down in front of Song Lan, face to face. His mouth seems to be permanently locked in a smile, and Song Lan can’t do anything but gaze at him.

“Where’s your dog?” he finally asks, when he can think and breathe and think and breathe.

“I told her to wait in the living room as soon as I saw it was you on my doorstep,” Xingchen tells him, and Song Lan gapes.

“That was…”

He stops.

He has no idea how long ago it was. Has he been here for hours? Minutes? Days?

“I don’t know how long it’s been,” he says, and Xingchen raises his eyebrows.

Song Lan tries to explain. “I always know. I know how long things take and how far things are. Your door is 3.24 miles from mine. There are sixteen stairs to the second floor and fifteen to the third floor, which is odd. But I don’t know how long I’ve been here.”

Xingchen ponders this for a moment and draws a line down Song Lan’s nose. “Does it matter?”

Song Lan ponders this for a moment and kisses the tip of Xingchen’s nose. “No. I guess it doesn’t.”

— ⚔ —

“Have you ever considered getting a pet?” Dr. Wen asks.

“No,” Song Lan lies. He used to have a cat that curled up on his head at night. He’d chosen an apartment that didn’t allow pets so he wouldn’t be tempted to get another big orange cat with green eyes.

“Why haven’t you? A cat, maybe?” Dr. Wen asks, as though Song Lan had said yes.

He hates it when Dr. Wen sees him.

— ⚔ —

They bathe in the most luxurious shower Song Lan has ever seen, in a bathroom the size of his first apartment, with the dog laying on the bathmat. She licks Song Lan’s foot when he gets out of the shower and looks up at him with a silly smile. He grins back at her, and then feels foolish.

“Dinner in? Or dinner out?” Xingchen asks, handing him a huge, plush towel.

A-Qing barks once and Xingchen says, answering as if she had spoken, “I was going to let Zichen choose, but dinner in sounds good to me too.”

Song Lan smiles. “Is she even a dog?” he jokes, but Xingchen tips his head thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. Sometimes I suspect she’s a demon.” He laughs suddenly. “But if she is, she’s the best demon dog in the world, aren’t you, my little bamboo shoot?” He bends over to scratch her ears, and she flops on the floor, rolling for belly rubs.

While they wait for dinner to arrive—Xingchen says delivery is better for the environment than his cooking—he shows Song Lan the house, which has a name: Jiufang. Xingchen says it was built after The Fire, but it has always been named Jiufang. It is every bit as intimidating as Song Lan thought it would be from his research and cursory glance

 but still a home

 filled with Xingchen

casually magnificent in a way only achieved through significant amounts of money. There’s a dumbwaiter. A copy of The Poppy War sitting open on a hidden bay window seat overlooking the back garden. And, Xingchen insists, a ghost named Hubert, who haunts a fat leather chair in the attic.

“It’s my mother’s house,” Xingchen explains. “She bought a mountain and moved out west, so I’m barnacling here now.”

Bought a mountain.

That has to be a metaphor.

“No, she actually bought a mountain. It used to be a ski resort, but she doesn’t ski. She just thought the view was nice.” Xingchen shrugs. “That’s how she is. You’ll like her.”

An involuntary smile slips onto Song Lan’s face at the idea that he’ll meet Xingchen’s mother someday, even if she sounds absolutely terrifying.

Xingchen has an old Polaroid camera and makes Song Lan take pictures with him and a-Qing. A-Qing manages to lick Song Lan’s face twice as the shutter snaps, and he growls at her, tugging on her ears and scratching her chin in feigned exasperation. Her long nose and laughing smile find a place to roost inside his heart too.

The doorbell rings with dinner, and Xingchen tells Song Lan to answer it while he sets the mood, which apparently means classical music.

Sitting at a table in the pristine black and white kitchen and listening to what Xingchen says is Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony, they eat food from a restaurant Song Lan has heard of but didn’t realize would do takeout, much less delivery at 10 pm. The only thing he’s sure he recognizes is the steak, which is phenomenal, as is everything else he tries. It has been three years since he ate a meal with anyone else. Three years, two months, and six days since his last meal as a soldier, to be precise, which he always is. Since the day he walked away.

Xingchen reaches out his hand and Song Lan takes it. It feels like a clock somewhere inside him has stopped.

— ⚔ —

“Song Lan, I’m going to give you some homework. We’re going to start a scrapbook. So take the weekend, and next week, bring me one thing that represents something you did.”

It’s not a question, so Song Lan asks one. “Why?”

“Why do you think?” Dr. Wen asks.

Song Lan curses himself for answering even once. Answering is endless, like zucchinis you can never get rid of.

He shrugs, and Dr. Wen clicks his tongue against his teeth.

“I think you do know why. Take the weekend to think about that, too,” Dr. Wen says, a little tightly.

— ⚔ —

They curl up on the couch together as the music shifts to a dark and yearning cello solo, the backing orchestra swelling in power like white-capped winter waves on the lake. Xingchen leans back against his chest, a-Qing lays across both of their legs. Song Lan wraps one arm around Xingchen and rests the other on a-Qing’s head. He counts his heartbeats, matching them Xingchen’s, matching them to fit this place and this man and this life he wants nothing more than to be a part of.

“Zichen, I have a confession.”

Xingchen is so quiet, so tremulous, Song Lan’s breathing stutters. There’s always a catch. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was expecting a catch.

“I’ve known about you...who you are...for a while,” Xingchen says, laying his hand over Song Lan’s as though he thinks Song Lan might rabbit away.

He’s not wrong. Song Lan feels his muscles tense, and he coaxes them to relax. It’s not uncommon, he reminds himself. Sometimes people have heard of Song Lan, rogue cultivator. Sometimes they’ve heard of Song Lan, decorated war hero. Less often here and now, but still too frequent for Song Lan’s preference, they’ve heard of Song Lan, last member of the Baixue Farms family that was wiped out by a lone shooter

 a tragedy, the papers said

 no way to prevent random violence, the news said

intent on vengeance, seeking recompense for the lives the war had taken from the one soldier he knew

 orphaned, the sad woman on the television said

 not saying we condone his actions, the lawyer said

 he wasn’t in his right mind, the jury said

as though it hadn’t taken enough from Song Lan before his family was killed, hours before he got there, clutching his discharge papers in his hand like a first-prize blue ribbon.

“Okay,” he says, expecting more. “How long?”

Xingchen doesn’t answer right away, and when he does, he avoids the question.

“I heard the major factions were recruiting you and you’d refused, but they wouldn’t relent. They were paying your cleaning fees, and I think sometimes putting...putting danger in your path so you would need them,” Xingchen says in a rush, ignoring a-Qing’s grumble of protest when he adjusts to look at Song Lan.

“So...so I took over the payments. That way, they couldn’t leverage you at least. I can afford it,” he adds, waving a hand at the house when Song Lan frowns. “I intended to introduce myself first but…”

He falls back, dropping his hand in his lap and looking contrite. “I saw you in the park one morning, backlit against the sunrise, and I lost my nerve. You were...I don’t know, so beautiful and cold and quiet. I couldn’t just traipse up to you and announce, ‘Hi, I’m Xingchen, and I’m taking over your life.’”

Song Lan’s mouth twitches and he resists the bubbling laughter. He reaches out and pulls Xingchen back to him, and Xingchen squeaks in surprise. Song Lan tucks Xingchen under his chin and breathes in his scent, clean lemon soap and honey. Whatever part of him is offended by the presumption, by the meddling, melts away. Why should he bother with anger? Why should he destroy the first thing he’s wanted in ten years? For pride?

Song Lan kisses the top of his head. He is allowed to lay here and kiss the top of Xingchen’s head. “You’re right, I don’t want my life run by anyone else,” he finally says. “No one else but you.”

“Two and a half years, “Xingchen whispers, stubbornly determined to confess everything. “To answer your question. I’m not usually such a coward.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Song Lan says.

I love you either way, he thinks.

— ⚔ —

Song Lan hands Dr. Wen an envelope and watches him take things out of it.

A menu.

A CD of cello music.

A business card.

An ebony hair stick.

A Polaroid picture of two smiling men and a silly dog.

A key.

He is ready to stop living in the past. It is always going to be there, but so is the present. So is the future.

“I moved,” he says, and it is entirely worth the words to see the look on Dr. Wen’s face.

— ⚔ —

Song Lan moves into the mansion.

He doesn’t really want to live in opulence with Hubert, but Xingchen gently points out that it is easier for him to navigate a familiar space and neighborhood. Song Lan feels like shit for not thinking of it, but Xingchen says getting used to someone else takes time. He has time. They have time.

Xingchen agrees to get a cat.

They pick a sleek grey cat with scars on his face and a bite out of his ear, because he walks up to a-Qing, flicks his tail under her nose, and butts her chin. A-Qing sniffs the ruff of his neck suspiciously but eventually licks his head. They name him Chengmei. He’s already achieved beauty.

Maybe he’d thought that this newfound tide of love would wash away the nightmares, but after three days of bliss, Song Lan wakes up screaming, hand out, reaching for something. Fuxue? His mother? He doesn’t remember, but what he finds is Xingchen, grasping his hand, and a-Qing, leaning against his back, head on his shoulder. Chengmei, that traitor, doesn’t even flinch from his spot on Song Lan’s feet.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he pants, unable to ground himself in this unfamiliar place.

Xingchen touches his cheek lightly, and it’s at least two points of comfort.

“Don’t be. It’s okay.”

He sounds like he means it, but Song Lan still climbs out of the bed and backs toward the door.

“I should go,” he says. He doesn’t know where. Just...away.

Xingchen exhales. “Okay. I’ll go with you.”

Song Lan stops, nonplussed. “What? No, I’m...I can’t be around...no, you don’t have to.”

Xingchen is already pulling on clothes. All black. Hunting clothes, Song Lan thinks. “I know. But I want to.” He grins up at Song Lan. “You said I could run your life. Let’s go hunt.”

Xingchen’s vision is worse at night, but he’s no less sure-footed, the tapping of the cane eventually disappearing from Song Lan’s conscious thought. Every once in a while, a-Qing bumps into Xingchen to redirect him, but otherwise, a casual observer would barely realize that the handsome man with the feather-light steps is being guided by sound and dog.

Song Lan hasn’t hunted with a partner since he was a teenager, and never with anyone as good as Xingchen. Even here they fit together, Song Lan’s power and agility blending with Xingchen’s grace and intuition.

Luo Qingyang is delighted when they call her to clean up a nest of jueyang at an abandoned warehouse on the other side of the Loop. She seems entirely unsurprised to find the dawn rogue and the silent rogue together.

“Eight!” she exclaims, surveying the bodies and rubbing her hands together like a cartoon villain. “Boys, if I beat Zonghui this quarter, I am taking you out to dinner.”

“And then you’ll invite us to your D&D game?” Xingchen teases.

Qingyang laughs. “Have either of you even played?”

“That is beside the point,” Xingchen says archly. “We agreed to be friends, and friends play D&D together.”

She throws up her hands in mock surrender. “You win! We play at HQ on Wednesdays. Come at 7 pm.”

“I’m good at this already,” Xingchen whispers loudly to Song Lan. “I like winning.”

Song Lan wants to kiss him. It must show on his face because Qingyang laughs, doubling over and slapping her leg.

“Oh, I knew it. I knew it! Nie Daddy is going to die when I claim the pool,” she crows, still chuckling as she climbs back in the van and leaves them.

Xingchen pushes Song Lan against the brick wall and kisses him, biting his earlobe and sliding a hand under his shirt, a conflagration of hunger that turns Song Lan to floating, falling ash.

“Let’s go home,” he says, lips against Song Lan’s throat.

Home.

He didn’t think he wanted a home, but he has one now.

He didn’t think he wanted friends, but apparently he has them now.

He didn’t think he wanted to fall in love, but he is so far in it, he already can’t remember the shape of his loneliness before.

Home.

Us.

Let’s go home.

Notes: 

旧房 jiù fáng : old house

[deztinywarriors]

ES Spectre 2.0 Chapter 42

[sassasquashedgrapes]

Kardashian Dreaming

Had the coolest/most bizarre dream ever. 

I was seated at this meeting with Mama Kris Jenner, Rob was there and prolly the other family members, I can’t remember. And she was gonna hire me or wanted to hire me, and it was an interview or something am not so sure.  But basically my role was to hang around the whole Kardashian-Jenner clan, be on the prowl on the stuff they do, find research backing up evidence that what they do is effective by science (but way better than David Avocado Wolfe levels, more classier and actually backed up by a medical doctor (hello, me!), and yes, blog about it.

Or ghost write articles whatever floats my boat. Basically tag along with them, maybe occasionally take their pics for Instagram/Snapchat as to back up the article I wrote or blogged, but not in a PA kind of way.  I’m more like just like a third party observer, I am to be treated cordially and kindly, not like staff, whom I don’t like as some are bossy, snobby divas (must be competition syndrome who knows?).

I don’t get to be on the show either (Thank God, I wasn’t the type who wanted that sort of attention to begin with), but as a fan of the series, it’s a treat that I get a full-depth view of what goes on in the family for real and ahead from what’s aired on E!, way before everyone else gets to see it (of course I have a disclosure clause tho I can write anything, as long as Mama Jenner approves of the topic of course, like I report directly to her anyway and she does keep direct tabs with me on the stuff that I write).

Well, anyway, going back  to the story: Then Kris goes for the jugular and looks  me in the eye and says “we pay higher than 500 per hour”, kinda making me know she’s done her homework about me and that whatever I’m currently being paid for at my current job,  she’s willing to pay me higher (lol. 600 maybe?) and before y’all start thinking, I knew deep down Mama Kris meant she was gonna pay me at least 600 US Dollars per hour just to “keep up with them”,  and I had a fixed schedule of reporting 3-4x a week at least four hours to a maximum of 8 hours a day, as for specifics on time well, if there are evening events and if I’m free, I can go and would be paid double for night differential. All of which was pretty ok by me.

I learned in my 90 minute snooze that the Kardashian clan are actually pretty generous employers. Like you got free range around the house (of course you can’t enter the private rooms unless you’re invited by the owner to go in and there are CCTVs so they do know when PAs steal their stuff), you can eat whatever food is in the pantry (except stuff that’s labeled with the names of the girls if they’re saving it for later, like Kim writes her name on it labeled as “Kim” or “Kiki”, Kourtney uses a green tape label so you know it’s hers, shit this dream is so detailed, it was beyond!!!

Anyway, so I get the job yo’. I’m hanging out with Kanye West. He’s not even scary. He’s actually very nice and polite, not like the angry dude you always see on the telly.

So he’s going about talking being drawn to different kinds of wall graffitis (I swear I had no idea there were even types to begin with!  Shit there it is on google, people I am just typing this website and googling it down now because I thought that dream was just crack but fuuuucccck nnnhhooo!!!) and showed me this wall written with words like yeezy (yes written in bold with no caps on the first “y”) and a quote, I can’t remember but I know it was a cool quote about believing in yourself and pretty profound one at that. It took me a while to realize while talking to this man that he was in the process of making his own font!! People, Kanye West was designing his own fucking Times New Roman y’all!!! Prolly use the letterings to put it on his shirts, on his album, have it sold on Microsoft Office or whatnot, this shit is superb I simply cannot!!!.  It wasn’t a useless font,  it’s like a relatable font that could be used for making a slogan, a poster, or heck even as a document paper if you don’t mind wasting some ink on the printer.

It was super genius, I tell you. I remember giving him feedback about it (because he asked me, that’s how cool the ‘Ye is, he gets feedback from the masses coz he wants to understand the common people!) that I liked the design on the wall except if I stood at a certain distance, I couldn’t read the first word written on top (I can’t believe I had the nerve to talk up to the ‘Ye) but he was super cool about it and admitted he hadn’t thought about that but was “going with the creative flow” when he was in the moment and having an artistic flair myself, I understood where he was coming from.

Next I’m in the gym. Now I’m pretty certain this is recent, I cannot confirm if Khloe is pregnant but she sure wasn’t working out either.

Out of the Kardashian sisters, she’s the one I genuinely get along with the best. She even calls me by my first name Kristina, opting not to address me by my middle name which Kris and Kim do as I didn’t want to confuse myself into sharing a nickname similar to my new boss (aka Mama KJ). I dunno but I clicked best with Khloe and could honestly imagine that IRL we could be really good pals. She does have one interesting habit: she always has to turn off the lights when not in use.

It’s weird because you think one: these people are ridiculously rich but are stingy with electricity? Two, shouldn’t the Kardashian/Jenner fam invest in motion sensor lights? And Three: according to Khloe, she started getting back into this habit to reduce energy in lieu of Climate Change (of course), and it used to be the one reminder her dad, the late Robert Kardashian Sr  always made her do because, like me, she had a habit of leaving the lights on too.

So basically included on my job description was yep, turn off the lights each time I went out of a room or check if there are unused lights.

So one time I’m in the family gym, and Kim was there. Now out of all the Kardashian/Jenners (don’t tell Khloe ok, ORZ) Kim is my favourite. IRL she’s not tall, prolly around my height, but has a doll-face and is really curvy but small in the areas that matter. TBH Kim leaves me star-struck, very Kween- like: regal, formal, never losing her shit (unlike me the whole freaking dream sequence) but still approachable and likeable.

Out of all the Kardashian/Jenners, Kim is the most like Kris. Like literally Mama’s carbon copy, even in some mannerisms, except Kim is more reserved, polite, but still approachable without being intimidating, which that part is mostly like her Mom.  Though Kim can be intimidating in a different way.  Let’s just say both women have that Alpha air about them.

Kris Jenner is all business and is the the Queen Mom, kinda like my boss so it’s ironic I leave a job only to be hired by someone who resembles a lot of qualities similar to the former boss. But who can deny BIGGER and BETTER PAY?

As for Kim, I really can’t compare her to anyone I’ve ever met, but she’s definitely got an aura of being something extraordinary. Like Celebrity vibes.  That feeling one gets when you’re in the presence of someone who is gonna either change the world or bring it to its knees and end the rest of humanity, XD. 

 Anyway, I’m in the gym and I dunno why but there are icicles on the machines (the elliptical, the treadmill, the bikes)  I don’t feel cold or anything but it I chose to ignore it prolly coz I was astonished that there were icicles on the machines and yet no one bothers to turn off the AC and plus hello, I’m watching Kimye work out a sweat or rather, breathing cold air like some friggin’ Elsa with her long platinum hair which makes me miss own on bleached Khaleesi mane too.  Kim’s working on the treadmill, she gives me a polite smile and nod, and says hello, addressing me by my middle name (it’s shocking because I’ve barely been in this house or at this job for long, and already Kim knows me by name and face.  It’s like an amazing talent she and Kris have, they remember faces and names of people they’ve just met, whether you’re a Royalty or a servant, they’ll remember.  They’re like natural politicians!).  

Khloe asks me if I could turn off the lights, which was the gym, I dim it a bit, with Kim’s permission, of course.  She doesn’t mind, she’s in her own zone.  Breathing out cold air probably from those iced exercise machines I dunno (I believe I found new material for my writing blogs that I was hired for too).  

I move on to another side of the gym, which is a lounge area.  I see in the corner of my eye Kourtney having a informal business meeting with a blonde long-haired Japanese business dude who gives me Steve Aoki vibes, a translator (who is my friend Aira), and a bunch of other peeps lounging on sofas.  I yell over to Khloe and tell her that someone’s in the lounge room and she goes over to me and says “Oh yeah, leave the lights on.” Laughs off and walks away.

I’m not close with Kourt tho.  I don’t think we have bad vibes or anything, actually we’re the same age, it’s just Kourt and I never had a chance to bond because her top priority are her kids and we just never had time to chitchat, but I think she’s just as nice as the rest of the family, probably even more casual than Kim, but less chummy as Khloe.  She did mention once that I’m a natural with kids even though I never baby sat any of the Kardashian kids, but they’re really sweet and they seem to like me well enough.  

I’ve interacted with Mason, Reign, and Penny; they’re the sweetest kids, Reign and Penny always greet me with hugs, they’re super friendly.  Mason’s already a big boy, so hugs are not in order and he’s usually somewhere off doing his own thing or hanging out with Scott aka The Lord (who doesn’t seem like the douchebag he’s normally portrayed as in the show).  I’ve met North and Saint briefly as Kim was in a hurry, North’s a bit shy, she’s got the cutest smile tho. I just don’t think North warms up to people as easily as compared to Kourtney’s kids do tho.  Saint is adorable, as expected, but it’s too early to tell how he’s gonna be when he’s older, but he’s so darn cute. Saint reminds me of this kid of a friend of mine who was just about the cutest darnest little kid whom I preferred to babysit over his naughty older brother, Andrei, hahaha!

And as for the Kardashian-Jenner girls.  Well, all I can say is Kendall is by far the tallest and prettiest sister and has got the most amazing legs, but she’s moody as f tho.  Like let’s say she’d walk in a room I was in, she’d ignore me (unless I’d be the first one to greet her, then she’d respond with a bored hi or mumble something close to it) then Ken would do her own thing like sit on a corner of a table or lounge on a couch and interact with her sisters but mostly looks bored as if she’d rather be somewhere else more interesting than at home, which is kinda disappointing since I’m a huge fan of hers, but I get her deal.  She grew up into the whole limelight and unlike her older sisters, she never wanted any of it and if you asked her, she’d probably wish she was living a rather normal life. Plus the bad bitterness she has as a model and having to prove to everyone she’s a supermodel because people hate on her for the nepotism even though she really does work hard.  Basically Kendall is the Kuudere of the Kardashian/Jenner girls.  So I get her deal. But compared to Kun-Kuun Kenny, Kylie is more like the typical teen/Generation Z/late Millenial: Always on her phone, not really in tune with anything going on about in the house.  I like Jordyn Woods tho, she’s really friendly and warm that you don’t get an air vibe out of her, like she’s genuinely a nice girl that you’re glad she’s there for Kylie.  Maybe that’s the reason why Kylie’s got a lot more mellow than her older sister Kendall, since Kendall doesn’t have that sort of friendship from what I’ve seen based on that whole dynamic I’ve gathered in that 90 minute dream.

Oh, and as for Kylie being pregnant? Let’s just say, I can’t say :P

Lol.  If I had to make Dere-s out of them

Tsundere Type A: Kourtney

Himedere: Kim

Formerly Kamidere/ but now mostly Dandere: Kanye

Yandere: Khloe

Deredere but really Mayadere: Rob

Kuudere: Kendall

Undere/Ultimate Shota: Kylie

Sadodere: Kris Jenner (for sure!! Lol)

That dream was so awesome!!  Too bad I had to get up after dozing off when the alarm reminded me that I had to leave the house early because I had an exam. I woke up feeling shitty because I didn’t get enough rest and as I took a cold shower, it suddenly hit me that I had dreamed about this during that 90 minute accidental snooze and I found myself having to write it down, and added more of my personal in-depth thoughts because tho it was such a vivid dream that happened so fast, I’m amazed by how much insight I actually got based from those details that I decided to write it all down and post it on tumblr/twitter with hopes that I do wonder if any of this shit was accurate. 

 Hit me up to tell me what your thoughts are.  

I’m out!

[coupsyboopsy]

Question Tag

I was tagged by @smilingvernon

1. Are you named after someone? 

Kind of. My grandmother’s name is Christine, but my mom didn’t want to go with Christine. My bio dad’s name is Kristopher (with the K, yes) and my mom always liked K names. So she got Kristina from them both, but mostly my grandmother :) 

2. When is the last time you cried?

Uhh.... Tuesday? I was a bad day and I cried a lot that day. But the last time was because of the wonderful series finale of Parks and Rec. Something about Leslie’s speech of doing work that’s worth doing gets me going and I think about my future and America and the history of America as a nation.

If you get my lame attempt at a reference there, I am marrying you.

3. Do you like your handwriting?

I guess? Sometimes I do? I don’t know.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

I love roast beef omg.

5. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

The me that I am now, yes. A few years ago me, hell no. I like who I am now. 

6. Do you use sarcasm?

I was brought up with sarcasm and passive aggression. I chose to cultivate the less of two evils. Sarcasm and I are old friends. We go way back.

7. Do you have your tonsils?

NOPE! They actually caused me a lot of problems as a kid with my ears, so I had them removed when I was five.

8. Would you bungee jump?

H E L L NO. I don’t have a fear of heights. I have a fear of falling. I love roller coasters, oddly enough, but I feel safe in those because I’m strapped in. 

9. What is your favorite kind of cereal?

Dennis’ voice: I like Lucky Charms

10. Do you untie your shoes when you take off your shoes?

I never really untie them to put them on unless it’s absolutely neccessary and after 10 minutes of struggling. Or it’s my hightops.

11. Do you think you’re a strong person?

Physically: enough to hold my toddler brothers for a little while Mentally/emotionally: Maybe? I’ve overcome a lot but I don’t think I’m that strong. People have told me I am but I don’t know. 

12. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Something fruity or chocolate. Or both.

13. What is the first thing you notice about people?

My smile, my eyes, or my freckles

14. Red or pink?

Depends. Usually I’m a mix of both. Except lipstick. Give me all the shades of red lipstick

15. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

I don’t care about my size so much as I hate my back. I’m a fatty (I use that affectionately) but I really hate my back. If I could have a flatter back, I wouldn’t care as much about my size in general

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

Blue jeans and no shoes.

17. What was the last thing you ate?

A biscuit

18. What are you listening to right now?

Not much. The AC at work, whatever tf is going on in the basketball courts upstairs, my supervisor shuffling papers around and complaing to herself about her sneezing and the work she’s doing.

19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Cerelian Blue—it’s a really relaxing color

20. Favorite smell?

Rain, fresh cut grass (even if it makes me sneeze), cucumbers, and the tops of babies heads (it’s what I imagine innocence and love would smell like) 

21. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My mom

22. Favorite sport to watch?

My brother playing basketball ; uu ; 

23. Hair color?

It’s a weird ombre of light and dark brown that doesn’t look as bad as roots and faded hair color usually does.

24. Eye color?

A chocolatey hazel brown

25. Do you wear contacts?

No

26. Favorite food to eat?

LMAO KAYLA SAID GOLDFISH CRACKERS I EFFIN’ LOVE HER OKAY

I really food in general. I don’t really have a favorite food as I do favorite places for different foods. 

27. Scary movie or comedy?

Comedy. I will literally cry if I watch a scary movie.

28. last movie you watched?

Probably Mean Girls tbh

29. What color of shirt are you wearing?

A light, Easter-y blue with black lace ruffles and a black cover over it (that’s actually attached to the shirt)

30. Summer or winter 

Winter—because you can bundle up to get warm. In summer, you’re hot, and you strip down to nothing, and you’re still hot.

31. Hugs or kisses 

GIVE. ME. BOTH. But hugs are more appropriate so. BUT IF YOU LET ME KISS YOUR CHEEK AND THE TOPS OF YOUR HEAD AND YOUR HANDS, YOU’LL HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF LOVE FROM ME THERE TOO. 

32.What book are you currently reading?

I finally got a copy of the literary magazine from this past year at my school. Does that count? If not, then The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling.

33. Who do you miss right now?

My bestie ; nn ; I’ll see her next week  And my brothers ; nn ; I’ll see all three next week too

34. What is on your mouse pad?

My work one is purple. The one I use at home from time to time is fan merch from my SHINee days with a fanart of long hair!Minho.

We don’t talk about my Minho days.

35. What is the last program you watched?

PARKS AND RECREATION. I CAN ALMOST GUARANTEE YOU THIS WILL ALWAYS BE ANSWERED WITH PARKS AND REC. 

36. What is the best sound?

My little brothers laughing. 

37. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?

I mean, I don’t like bugs and rocks are boring. :’) 

I like them both. 

38. What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

Niagra Falls and Cozumel, Mexico. Idk which is farther? Probably Mexico?

39.Do you have a special talent?

Is writing a special talent?

40. Where were you born

In a hospital bed. :’)

North Carolina, born and bred. 

Tagging: @mans-ayyye and @supersuperroa (I know Kayla already got you lovelies), @velvethoseok @leedonghate @scoup-d-etat @meraki--kid @cheolshu @rellyuta and anyone else who wants to (tag me in it. I wanna see)

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 7: Cry Me A River. Build Me A Bridge.

This week’s episode picks up the morning after Nick’s breakdown in the girls’ house, where he wept on the arm of a couch and told the girls he might be too fragile to continue. Even after a night of rest on the beautiful island of St. Thomas, the girls are still pretty shocked and a little nauseated by Nick’s tearful outburst the night before. Even Chris Harrison heard he had a pretty gross breakdown rough night, as evidenced by his check-in session on the beach with Nick. Like any good friend, he lets Nick fall back into his loop of misery and complain that this might not be the best place to meet someone who is actually interested in being with him. But Chris Harrison doesn’t have much sympathy.

After a few more tears, he gives Nick two options: walk away right now and die alone, or go back in there and finish this show like you promised you would, and then die alone. Seeing as he is contractually obligated to finish the show, Nick chooses the path of love and heads back to the girls’ house to apologize for being so disgusting the night before. As he struggles not to cry, he explains that even though he’s insecure, he’s scared, he’s miserable, he’s broke, he’s losing hope, he’s letting his lisp slide, he ultimately feels more for the remaining women than he ever did for ditzy D-Lo, and to prove it he’s cancelling the rose ceremony and everyone is heading to Bimini.

Easy as 1, 2, 3.

In desperate need of sunglasses, Nick’s livestrong band and Vanessa squint into each others’ eyes as they discuss their shared question of whether Nick would come on this show and force himself to fall in love with someone (because that’s how this works), or if he was going to be a real genuine boy. Nick reassures Vanessa that he doesn’t need to force anything with her, stammering that “I know so much about you I feel like I know you without knowing the details I still don't know.” Woah. Deep. After that wall-breaking conversation of just knowing what you know when you know even though you don’t know, they splash around in the ocean and then Vanessa falls in love with Nick the moment they start making out underwater. At this point, she’s pretty sure they’re on the same page and can’t wait for the night portion of the date to let Nick know how she feels. Nick opens up the dialogue with “so, hometowns are next week...” Magical. Vanessa takes this opportunity to launch into her well-rehearsed speech about how *easy* it is to be with Nick, which is what she’s been looking for. He’s not challenging, he doesn’t make her think, and she loves that about him. So she lets him know she’s falling in love with him, and after a not-so-passionate kiss, Nick really drops the ball. He gives a long-winded explanation of how hes said “I love you” before on this show and even though he’s totally not ashamed of that, if he’s going to do it again it needs to be different and he definitely can’t say it right now. Vanessa, who looks pissed and embarrassed, doesn’t have much to say back.

Yikes.

Swimming with Sharks

If you remember a few weeks ago, Kristina was the only girl that really got under Corinne’s skin by telling her that her fake anxiety attacks and napping were very uncool. This nugget gives an entertaining twist to the otherwise boring tension between Corinne and Kristina, caused mostly by Corinne’s desperate need for attention and reassurance, and partly by Kristina’s I-grew-up-in-fucking-Russia fervor. Nick buys into the games like any dumb boy would, rubbing Kristina down in suntan lotion and reassuring Corinne that she won’t be eaten by sharks unless she’s on her period because sharks can smell the blood. Meanwhile, Raven stays above the fray and off to the side, unphased by the petty games and ready to punch a shark in the face, which comes as no surprise considering she drove across state lines to beat her cheating boyfriend over the head with a shoe. Ultimately, Kristina wins the date by getting too scared by the sharks and needing to get on the boat and cry. Later that night Nick pays her back by pulling Kristina away first to…cry. Again. Can you imagine escaping from fucking Russia and then dating a 36-year-old man who cannot stop crying because he’s terrified of looking dumb on TV (despite having signed up, 4 times, to go on TV and look dumb). 

After weeping with Kristina, Nick kicks off his 1-on-1 time with Raven with the age old “so, hometowns are next week...” It’s like he’s not even trying anymore. Not that he ever was? Raven talk about her parents who are still together because that is apparently now something to brag about on this show? Getting a little deeper, Raven reveals she quit law school because her dad got lung cancer, but now that he’s in remission she can make him proud by going back to school on the Bachelor. After 2-3 bottles of chardonnay, Corinne finally gets her 1-on-1 time with Nick and she’s just drunk enough to be obnoxious and whiny and willing to do whatever it takes. Nick reassures her that she’s clearly doing something right as she’s still around despite being the least realistic choice for a wife on the show. 

Goodbye, Girl Next Door

Back when Nick was forcing connections and willing to play The Bachelor Game, he and Danielle hit it off because she was the sleepy girl next door from Wisconsin and it all made sense. Now that reality has set in, however, it’s pretty clear that Danielle’s lack of personality just isn’t going to cut it. Besides, she always looks like she’s moments away from that green ambien butterfly landing on her nose and taking her into a deep and dreamless sleep, which is strangely not appealing to Nick. It’s easy to see this breakup coming from a mile away after Nick says things like “have you learned at all about some of the history on the island?” and his favorite “so, hometowns are next week...” But somehow Danielle thinks this is all going really well. Later that night, the awkwardness continues in what feels more like an SNL skit than anything else:

Danielle: I really liked being playful today. Riding bikes. Just being the two of us, and the production crew. It was great

Nick: You’re fun to have fun with.

Because he’s an asshole, Nick lets Danielle open up about feeling something *real* for him even though she’s scared because “the last time I was in love with someone, they died…..” Yikes. Nick breaks up with her by saying that he doesn’t long for her and doesn’t really think about her at all.

Not So Platinum Vagine

Corinne is fed up with not getting enough attention from Nick, and wants to prove that she would, in fact, live in a shack with no diamonds for Nick. When she wants something, she gets it. She’s not a runner up and will not be outshined.

So she decides to break the rules and pop over to Nick’s room to let him know she’s here for fame him. Nick, being the gentleman that he is, invites her in for a nightcap which shockingly leads to them making out and then casually going into Nick’s bedroom and closing the door, sans cameras. Behind closed doors, Corinne instructs Nick to “keep two hands all at all times. Never jiggle. Lightly massage.” If she’s not talking about her boobs, then I have to admit I have no idea what kind of heavy petting they’re doing. After some rustling and smooching (as described by my closed captioning), Nick “remembers” that the last time someone fucked before the fantasy suite dates it didn’t go over too well, so he tells her she’s *amazing* but it’s time to go. Corinne is forced to take a walk of shame and punishes herself by avoiding the automatic doors, choosing instead of waddle out the manual door in her 6 inch Louboutins. 

The Next Blachelorette

I would say that hindsight is 20/20 and the editing and setup of Rachel’s story seems so obvious, BUT, I called this Episode 1 (along with many others), so I’m not surprised when Nick takes her to hang out with the locals and tells the camera “she’s an incredibly beautiful woman who is incredibly smart and charismatic.” This is true, but coming from Nick it doesn’t sound genuine at all. And here’s my theory on why (besides all the obvious stuff like Nick sucks, has no personality, etc.): Rachel was specifically approached and put on this show in order for ABC to finally get their first black Bachelorette. No, this isn’t me being racist, but here are the #facts:

She’s a real lawyer who has been practicing for 5+ years (unlike Andi who literally had a job for 2 months before leaving to film), and actually has something to lose (like the respect of every lawyer ever).

Her dad is a federal fucking judge. 

I’ve heard from people who went to law school with her that she is super nice and isn’t the type to seek fame (although obviously a part of her is otherwise she’d have turned this down). 

Nick has always been looking ahead with Rachel and saying things that make it seem like he knows she’s going to stick around to at least home towns. He’s brought up her dad more than Corinne brought up Raquel.

She got the first impression rose (I know this isn’t dispositive, but still)

Nick has been on this show 100x and is close with the producers.

A black girl has never made it past week 5 before, and this year there were 3.  In fact, there were more women of color on this show than any season in the past.

Now this isn’t to say that none of this has been real (it hasn’t), but it’s not too far-fetched to believe that Rachel was approached by producers and promised that if she came on the show and dealt with this bullshit, she would make it far enough and get enough screen time to rally Bachelor Nation behind her as the first ever Blachelorette. And seeing as Nick has proven himself to be a puppet time and time again, it’s very easy to imagine a conversation with Nick wherein the producers told him to keep Rachel around and actually try to have meaningful conversations with her and then he would be able to say he’s the guy who kept a black girl around long enough to be the Bachelor. And Rachel made it easy because she seems so cool and nice and normal that Nick was probably happy to keep her around and make himself look legitimate. Now I’m not saying that Nick doesn’t actually like her, it actually makes a lot of sense for him to pick her in the end. She has a stable job that pays good money, he is broke, and she is an incredibly respectful choice. But he and I both know that there’s no way in HELL that Rachel would actually want to get engaged and marry Nick Viall. No one wants to do that, especially no one with a brain. 

Cutting Ties with Russia

After Rachel’s date, Corinne continues her downward spiral figuring out that she’s last on the totem pole because Nick was all over Kristina on the group date, Raven has a rose, Rachel just came back from her date and is going to be the next Bachelorette, and Vanessa has a strong connection with Nick. What she doesn’t know is that while she’s panicking over nothing, Nick is having yet another sob session with Chris Harrison about how hard it’s going to be to dump Kristina because he has a deep love for her and might even respect her. Wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible, Nick breaks up with her outside of a rose ceremony on the porch of their villa. Kristina is pissed that he never gave her a chance and recoils from Nick as he cries that he did give her a chance and he does love her but there are “stronger relationships in the house” and it’s just not fair to her. By stronger relationships he obviously means: “I’m going to pick Vanessa, I already gave Raven a rose, I need to keep Rachel to hometowns so America can meet her family, and I really want to fuck Corinne.” But I do think he actually likes and kind of respects Kristina--not enough to not be all over her during the group date, but enough to save her the embarrassment of a rose ceremony or the additional heartache of being dumped after home towns or fantasy suites. This all seems best case scenario for Kristina who at least got to go to Bimini and doesn’t have to bother introducing Nick’s limp dick to her family...

Did you notice . . .

Vanessa is completely absent after her 1-on-1 date. At no point when we cut back to the girls in the house sitting around the couch talking is Vanessa anywhere to be seen. I thought this was weird, but then coupled with Corinne’s assessment that Vanessa has no depth and is just a special needs teacher named Vanessa, it seems to be like there’s some tension between Vanessa and the rest of the girls in the house that we aren’t privy to. I hate to put my tinfoil hat back on, but I have to wonder if the other girls don’t like her for some reason but it didn’t make the cut because Corinne was easy entertainment and because they wanted to make Vanessa, a clear front-runner, look as good as possible. 

Nick’s swim trunks. Again.

Nick wearing shoes on the beach.

Minority Report: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTBYcPwRk1o

[honorsphilosophyitalytrip-blog]

25 January 2018: A Very Vivid, Vibrant Verona (V)adventure

Salutations comrades, it’s Nicolo, with a real-life blog for once. I’m gonna write this as I go through the day so you’re *basically* here in Verona with me.

Onwards!

https://youtu.be/ft7sCnDyWAU

(By the way, I made a video for our adventures in Verona, I suggest watching it along with this blog!)

Captain’s Log

7:05, 25 Thursday 2018

Okay, so we’re here in Verona, the only thing I know about this place is Romeo and Juliet. No better way to ignite the spark of adventure and learning then going for a run, right? Scions of health, beacons of fitness, time to run to a Church on the hill. Kristina, Jules, and I are about to go on a grand adventure.

7:20, 25 January 2018

Okay, can confirm, running is not enjoyable. Running hurts, my lungs are weak (thanks second-hand smoke), I’ve forsaken my own body. However, look at this view. Amazing. Astounding. 10/10. I’ll be honest, I thought Verona was going to be an old tower or something, maybe a wall tossed in there? Nope, this view cleared up any misconceptions.

11:48, 25 January 2018

We have lost one Daniel Scanlon, but alas, Steve, Desi, Andy, and I continue on to Torre de Lamberta. Now, we’ve been pretty notorious for climbing tall things, so you can imagine the disappointment in Desi’s voice from the stairwell (“Your moves are weak!”) as Steve, Andy, and I casually race past on the elevator. I’m not filled with regret. Once again, at the top, we experienced a lovely view. Overall, impressed, satisfied.



12:00, 25 January 2018

Well, I guess to have highs in life, you also have to have lows.

Let’s talk about modern art.

I don’t understand it. I don’t want to understand it. Dan doesn’t want to understand it, and he wasn’t even there. I can also bet Dan’s grandmother doesn’t want to understand it.

Why did an entire wall of the museum focus on a ball of barbed wire? Why was one of the statues literally a statue holder? In the words of Desi, “I can see why they sell you the tickets for the Tower and the Museum together.”

I’m disappointed, but not surprised.



14:37, 25 January 2018

We’ve got a scheduled tour coming up, and we’ll be hitting some major landmarks of Verona, such as the Arena, the Juliet House, and some of the piazzas around town. First we’re going to go to the Arena. I passed this briefly while getting lost last night, and from what I’ve seen on the outside, it looks just like the Roman Coliseum, and even the third ring to the structure collapsed in the same way as the much bigger Roman Coliseum. I also learned that the Arena is still used today for concerts and such. And on we go.

15:00, 25 January 2018

The Arena

Standing in the Arena, it’s insane to think about how many people died there, either gladiators pitted against each other in battles for glory, or fighting off ravenous lions that feel like mauling a couple humans. It’s interesting to see the evolution of human entertainment; back then, the spectators wanted to see manslaughter in the form of human-puts-spear-in-other-human-or-lion, nowadays we still like to watch manslaughter in the form of a 38-7 score (RIP Vikings). Speaking of despair and death, it’s time to go to the Juliet house.

15:20, 25 January 2018

On our way to the Juliet house, we’re walking along the main street, which is paved with marble. As Richard would say, “enough marble to see your own reflection and the reflection of the person behind you, if you like uhh... there.” I was also surprised to see so many American stores lining the street. from the Disney Store to Victoria’s Secret, it was almost like walking through a cooler version of the Christiana Mall. I was just surprised that the whole area had a distinct feel that was very American and Italian at the same time. Speaking of surprise, I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING THAT SAYS “NICOLO” SPELLED CORRECTLY AND I’M MORE EXCITED THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.



15:27, 25 January 2018

The Juliet House

We enter a short tunnel, and to the left and right, the walls are covered in what appears to be graffiti. Upon closer inspection, you find that these are the names of couples, making their mark on this monument to love. (Now this is just a personal aside, but when these people break up, what happens? Isn’t it a *tad* bit awkward to keep “Todd + Krista 4ever” on something that signifies undying love?) Walking past the tunnel, we’re in a small courtyard. In this small courtyard, you can find locks with more couples’ names on them, and the gaggle of tourists clutching upon the breast of the Juliet statue. Legend says that if you hold the statues breast, you’ll find love. Much like with modern art, it’s interesting seeing what humans come up with nowadays. /sarcasm

We went up to the balcony to recite some Shakespeare with Juliet portrayed by yours truly, and Romeo played by Laurie. We might’ve skipped Juliet’s entire speech, but I dunno, if I were a producer looking to hire some actors for a production, I’d hire us. (Watch the attached video!!)

17:02, 25 January 2018

Nothing screams “adventure” quite like getting on a bike and seeing just how far you can go. Steve, Desi, Andy, and I rent some bikes and see just where these roads will take us. (The scientific method is all about disproving, and we were, in fact, able to disprove the “All roads lead to Rome” statement.) We’re all also fans of climbing up things, so biking up a mountain is the best of both worlds, wouldn’t you say?

17:50, 25 January 2018

We bike up a small mountain and reach the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes. It’s silent, none of us are talking. We walk into the Church at the top, and there are only a few people, silent in prayer. We sit, and I look around. The Hail Mary is written in Italian, circling the ceiling. Looking past the altar, outside, there’s a huge statue of Mary overlooking the sanctuary. The whole area is serene, peaceful, quiet. I say a few quiet prayers and then leave as the building closes for the night. I suppose it’s time to head back for dinner, eh?

18:00, 25 January 2018

This is just a small aside, but it’s really incredible seeing the locals willing to help anyone out, foreign or not. It’s good to know that there are people in the world willing to help out, regardless of any barriers between people.

19:44, 25 January 2018

Okay, so it’s dinner time, and in my classic ways, I got a Margherita pizza. For those of you back home who didn’t know, I’ve eaten at least one pizza per day while in Italy to try to prove a useless point to myself, and to see if I could. This is *not* a challenge I would recommend, humans were not made to consume a full pizza by themselves every day.



Final thoughts:

Overall, Verona completely went against my expectations. What I thought was going to be an over-glorified Shakespeare set actually turned out to be a quaint town with a sleepy personality but still filled with its own unique life. Verona is a beautiful town with its own touch that makes it different from everywhere we’ve been so far. Overall, I’m a fan of Verona, and I’d recommend checking it out one day!

Peace ✌🏽

Nicolo

[hbrascend-blog]

Looking for a job while you already have one can be stressful, especially in the age of social media when privacy is scarce. You don’t want to rock the boat at your current company but you want to find the next great opportunity. Should you tell your boss you’re looking? How do you handle references? If you get an offer, is two weeks notice really enough? Since how you leave your current job can be as important to your career as how you perform in the next one, you need to know the answers to these questions.

What the Experts Say The job market may be bleak, but that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. If you’ve heard rumors of layoffs or you’ve simply outgrown your current job, it’s ok to look. Priscilla Claman, president of Career Strategies, Inc., a Boston-based firm offering career coaching and management services, says the job market is more active than most people think. “For some people it’s truly terrible but I know plenty of people who are leaving jobs and finding jobs.” Of course, searching for a job while trying to stay employed is tricky. But if you manage it skillfully, you’ll be able to move on without burning bridges, strengthening your professional relationships in the process, says Claudio Fernández-Aráoz, a senior adviser at Egon Zehnder International and the author of Great People Decisions. Just follow these principles:

Do your homework Fernández-Aráoz says that the first step to any job search is a thorough analysis of what you’re good at and what you love to do. Get clear on what you’re looking for in your next position. Then reality-check that with the market. Are there jobs out there that have the characteristics you’re searching for? Do you have the right qualifications? To help you assess, turn to trusted advisors such as friends in your field or search consultants.

Consider internal options first Once you know what you want, start your search inside your company. “In my experience, all too often people don’t work enough on trying to redefine their job and career prospects with their current employer, and prematurely decide to start looking elsewhere,” says Fernández-Aráoz. There may be internal opportunities that will satisfy your needs, such as reshaping your job, moving to another team, or taking on a special project. If opportunities are limited or you’re certain you want out of the company, then take your search outside.

Keep it secret if necessary Many people have to keep their search quiet. Perhaps you don’t have a strong relationship with your boss, or you worry about retribution from colleagues, or you fear you won’t find another position and don’t want to risk the embarrassment. In these cases, it’s prudent not to let anyone at your current employer know you’re looking. “If you do the secret job search, you have to be religious about not letting things out in your social media or using your office email,” says Claman. “It can be distracting to have everyone know that you are looking for something new,” says Fernández-Aráoz.

Network carefully If there is a colleague you trust, however, consider sharing the news. Divulging your search to another person can help build momentum and make contacts. “This disclosure will clearly commit you to actually and properly look for a new opportunity,” says Fernández-Aráoz. It may also help with networking (the key to any successful job hunt). You can also casually mention your search to people not associated with your company — so long as you do it carefully. You don’t have to say, “Hi, I’m Amy Gallo and I’m looking for a job.” When you speak with potential employers or contacts, you can say something like, “I’m doing well at my current position and I’m always entertaining options for what’s next.” Don’t act desperate. “Never say I’m dying to get out of here. People don’t want people who are dying to get out of somewhere,” says Claman.

When to tell your boss No boss likes to find out from someone else that one of her direct reports is looking for a new job. You should therefore tell your manager as soon as you’re comfortable doing so. There are risks: She may try to make it difficult for you to interview or give you a poor reference. She may treat you differently knowing you want to leave. But both Claman and Fernández-Aráoz note that there are several upsides to having a frank discussion with your boss. First, she may be able to help you identify opportunities inside or outside your organization. Second, the disclosure may facilitate the search process. “The right boss may make it easier for you to look for the right new job, and eventually may refer you to some attractive opportunities,” says Fernández-Aráoz. Third, you will build good will. Your boss will appreciate your honesty and the opportunity to plan ahead for your departure. All that said, if you know your manager will have a negative reaction, and is unlikely to support you, it’s best to wait until after you have an offer to inform her.

Interview on your own time Most employers will want to interview you during normal business hours. Don’t sneak off for fake meetings or feign being sick. Fit the interviews into your schedule without cheating your current employer. If your boss tracks your every move, take vacation or personal time. If your manager is suspicious, explain that you have a personal issue you need to tend to.

Provide the right references If your current manager doesn’t know you’re job-hunting, you obviously can’t use him as a reference. Provide the names of previous employers or give the name of a trusted colleague at your present company who is aware of your search and can speak to your performance. If a hiring manager insists on a reference directly from your boss, explain that you can provide one at the point of offer. Claman says that many organizations will make you an offer contingent on good references. This means you need to get in front of your boss as soon as possible after you’ve received the good news. And you need to persuade him to give you a positive recommendation despite his possible irritation at your departure.

Don’t accept the counteroffer Some employers will counteroffer when you announce you are leaving. Fernández-Aráoz urges caution when contemplating these offers: “In my experience, these are usually vague promises about more money and more responsibility.” He says that in most cases when people accept the counteroffer, they end up leaving, or even being fired, shortly thereafter. “Once you’ve accepted an offer, it is not only questionable to turn it down for a counteroffer from your current employer, but also a poor career decision.”

Leave on good terms Claman points out that the convention for giving notice is still two weeks. However some people, especially those in senior positions or who are in the midst of a big project, will need to give more. Fernández-Aráoz provides this rule of thumb: “It is mostly a matter or relevance and responsibility. If you are irrelevant, you can leave fast, of course. If you are relevant and have significant responsibility, your new employer will highly respect you for not leaving your current job overnight. One month is usually enough once you have really made up your mind.”

No matter how bad things are, don’t just walk out the door. Leaving on bad terms can be dangerous for future prospects. “You don’t want to walk off a job. It stays with you forever,” says Claman.

Principles to Remember

Do:

Consider internal opportunities before looking elsewhere

Be careful about who you tell you’re on the job market

Give a minimum of two weeks notice and more if you are senior or involved in an important project

Don’t:

Tell your boss that you’re looking for another job unless you have a good relationship

Make up fake appointments to go on interviews — use vacation or personal time instead

Consider the counteroffer — it’s usually an unsubstantiated promise

Case Study #1: Wait until you have the offer When Kristina Ferry* was laid off from her job at a biopharmaceutical company in Connecticut, she quickly found another position in Massachusetts. The trouble was that her husband and daughter needed to stay behind in Connecticut. She knew it wasn’t an ideal situation but she thought she could make the travel back and forth work. And she did for the first year or so. Then her new employer announced that the company would be restructuring and everyone assumed there would be lay offs.

Kristina started actively looking for another job. She didn’t tell her boss, with whom she had a tenuous relationship, but she did discreetly talk about her search with the colleagues in her group. “Pretty much everyone in my group was looking because people weren’t happy,” she says. She took vacation days to go on interviews.

Throughout this time, she was talking with Robert*, her previous boss from the company in Connecticut. He now worked at a large pharmaceutical company in New York (not too far from where Kristina’s husband and daughter were) and he wanted her to come work with him again. Over several months, she interviewed with the company while continuing her search. Eventually, Robert offered her a job. She didn’t tell her boss until she had that offer in hand. When she gave her two weeks notice, her boss took her out to lunch and asked if there was anything he did that made her want to leave. “I was very tempted to say something but then I figured you never know who is going to be your next boss. So I said, ‘No, this just works better for me and my family.”

Case Study #2: Look internally, and leave on good terms Soon after starting his new job at a public sector consulting firm, Ray Garmin* realized the job was not right for him. “It was too slow for me. I wanted something much more fast-paced,” he says. Since he liked the organization and believed in its work, he looked for ways to make it a better fit. He applied for a position one level up but didn’t get it. He tried to get involved in a special project producing marketing material but the firm was hesitant about publishing.

Frustrated, he began entertaining other options and was soon contacted by a headhunter about a position in a nearby city. It was a clear promotion for Ray and an opportunity to join a more fast-paced organization. He started interviewing, taking flextime to travel to the meetings. And he kept the process to himself. “I felt awkward leaving so soon and I didn’t trust my boss enough,” he says. When he was offered the new job, he still wasn’t 100% sure he wanted it so he sought the input of a few clients who worked in the field. When they advised him to take it, he then told his boss. Ray gave two weeks notice but offered to stay longer if need be. “I didn’t have much to do which was part of the problem,” he says. Set on making it a smooth transition for the company and his clients, he made sure to wrap up his projects and even accelerated one so that he could finish before he left. His commitment to leaving on good terms paid off: when the start date of his new job was delayed, his former employer asked him back to do freelance work.

Originally published at www.hbrascend.in.

[newwavelover-blog]

The Beginning

Because I never felt like there was a enough books out there to really describe what was happening in my life. I decided to write my own. New pages every week!

I don’t remember the first time I saw her.

 In fact, I don’t remember the day that much at all. All I remember was her smile. And she wasn’t smiling at me if that’s what you think. I was running up the library steps, probably because I was late. I’m always late. It’s actually a really bad habit. But not that day, that day was fate.

 I flung the library door open and it nearly smacked her in the face. I wouldn’t have even noticed she was behind me but the shock of the door made her shout in surprise. I jumped a little; it’s scary hearing someone behind you when you think you’re alone. But before I could apologize she let out a small laugh and this huge smile came over her face, as she literally looked right through me to the girl waving at her from the lobby. She didn’t pause for a second before she ran over to her friend. Actually I’m pretty positive she didn’t see me at all. But I saw her. That smile was mesmerizing. I stood there alone in the lobby for a minute in a trance as her laugh eventually left with her, echoing in the space she left me in.

 Okay so maybe I remember that day a little more than I let on. The truth is I’ve been trying my best to forget that day. People like to say they “fall” in love. As if love were so kind to gently push you off a cliff and catch you in an ocean of clouds. That’s stupid. Love is brutal. It doesn’t do anything gently. It kidnaps you in the dead of night, blindfolds you, ties your hands and feet together, throws you off the cliff into the REAL ocean and watches you drown. Sorry for the vivid imagery but if you have ever been in love you know what I’m talking about. And you if you haven’t, well that’s a quick summary of what’s waiting for you.

 Don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against love. It’s just really rude when the universe gives you a glimpse of somebody who made your heart burst out of your chest and then makes them vanish within seconds. And if you think this is some great love story with a happy ending, I am very sorry to disappoint you. And if you think this is one of those heart-wrenching tragedies then you are also wrong. I guess you can say this is somewhere in between. Because I think life is a little in between or maybe that’s just me.

--

 So I guess the only thing left to do at this point is to start from the beginning. Not the beginning of me because that’s terribly boring and honestly I don’t think you would want to read it anyway, but the beginning of her. I was a freshman at the time, 19 years old, still new to life and all the things it had waiting for me. I got into a private university in California, which was about 3,000 miles away from everything I wanted to escape. My mom was devastated that I would leave but hey that’s life and I was going to leave at some point anyway right? So long story short, I packed up my room into a suitcase and from one day to the next, I went from living with my mother to living with some girl named “Kristina with K” (that’s literally how she introduces herself).

 The weekend before classes started I had to attend a presentation on under age drinking and see a video with some poor kid’s family talk about how their child died at a frat party. Don’t get me wrong I’m all about prevention education but it’s not exactly the way you want to start the semester.

 And as usual I was late. Well I don’t know if it’s late as much as I sat at my desk for 15 minutes debating on whether I should go or not. On the one hand, it sounded like such a downer but on the other hand, Kristina with a K said if you didn’t show they make you take some online course about alcoholism. I wasn’t really sure which was worse. Needless to say I eventually decided to go and of course I was late. The lecture was in the library but like I said it was my first weekend here and I had only been inside the library one other time. By the time I pulled up the campus map on my phone I realized that not only was the library on the other side of campus but I was now 10 minutes late and it had already started. When I finally made it through my journey to Narnia, I sprinted up the library steps and since you read the first page you know what happens next.

 She wasn’t beautiful. She was breath taking. I know how that reads and before you completely disregard the rest of this, just hear me out. She was subtle. There was nothing over the top about her appearance and if you saw her in a crowd you probably wouldn’t remember her. But if you just took a second to look at her, you would catch yourself staring. Her skin had a slight olive glow, probably from being outside in this California sun. She even had a handful of freckles scattered on her nose to prove it. Her eyes were green but not from far away, you really had to be up close to see that green shade. Her hair was a soft brown, definitely all natural there’s no way that comes in a box, and was swept up in a messy bun. All these things are very pleasing to the eye but it was her smile that took my breath away. Standing there in the lobby as she walked away with her friend, I actually forgot to breathe for a second.

 Once she disappeared around the corner I came back to reality and darted towards the elevator. Finally I found the room where the presentation was being held and I scrambled to find an open seat. Although I was late, it was clear this thing wasn’t starting promptly and people were still scattered around chatting. I spotted Kristina towards the front and before she could see me I plopped down in the closest chair to me.

 “Oh I’m sorry, I’m saving this seat” I head a voice next to me say.

 Now see, if this were a movie this would have been a perfect opportunity for a meet cute. And if you don’t know what a meet cute is, it’s basically the point in the movie when boy meets girl and it’s usually clever or witty. And with that being said let me assure you that I am neither. So there she was. Sitting next to me, informing me that someone else should be sitting here. I wish I could tell you that I made some funny comment and started a small conversation. In fact I wish I could tell you I said anything at all. But seeing her again, sitting this close to her, was just like seeing her downstairs in the entrance. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and before I could get any words out of mouth I stood straight up and practically collided with a guy who was trying pass by.

 Before I could apologize (or embarrass myself more) Kristina spotted me and called me over.

“Case! Over here! I saved you a spot!” she sang out to me from the front rows. I really wanted to crawl into a hole and die but a seat next to Kristina with a K would have to do. I slumped into the chair next to her and the guy sitting on the other side of me said “Case?” with a questioning look. Because I guess rooming with Kristina meant I had to explain my name upon introduction as well.

 “It’s Cassandra but a lot of people call me Case”, I said.

 “Oh okay, cool, I’m Richard”, he said as he held out his hand.

 “Richard is the freshman representative for the student body”, Kristina chimed in. I could practically see her eyes forming heart shapes. I shook Richard’s hand and before we could say anything else the lights in the room dimmed to show the presentation was about to start.

 Just as I imagined, the presentation was a real downer. They showed images of fatal car accidents as a result of drunk driving and photos of young students like myself who never got to graduate because they died of alcohol poisoning. As depressing as it was though I couldn’t help but sneak some casual glances at the mystery girl. Every time I turned though she was on her phone and in case you were wondering, the seat she was saving never showed up. I couldn’t help but wonder who was supposed to be there and why they would miss an opportunity to sit next to her. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the lights came back on and the presentation was over. Everyone began to stand and mingle but you could definitely sense a depressing cloud looming over the room.

 Kristina, Richard, and myself started to make our way out of the room and I couldn’t help but look to see if the mystery girl was still in her seat. She had already left. I did a quick scan around the room but she was gone.

 “Are you looking for someone?” Kristina asked.

 “No I’m just looking”, I mumbled as we got into the elevator. I sensed that maybe Kristina wanted to further her passion of politics with Richard so when the elevator came to the lobby I made sure to mention I was going back to the room to take a nap.

 “Oh really? Well we were going to grab some lunch if you want to come?” Richard said as he held the front door of the library open for me.

 “Maybe next time?” I said. “I’m just really tired, the room down the hall was blasting music until four in the morning.”

 “Ah so you’re not a party person then?” he asked.

 “Not at four in the morning I’m not!” I laughed as I walked down the steps.

 The truth is I’m not really good at making friends and I didn’t want every person I know here to be an extension of Kristina with a K. She was great at making friends. Seriously if there were a section in the Olympics for friend-making, Kristina would win gold every time. We should really consider adding that in, maybe then we could beat China or Germany. Or whomever we’re always trying to beat. But to be frank, Kristina was beautiful. She had long black hair, which always seemed to have perfect waves. Her makeup was always perfect and it was never too much. She was someone you would definitely remember in a crowd. Or at least the boys would anyway. She had a laugh that made you want to laugh with her. She was perfect. Not that annoying perfect that makes you want to hate her, but the kind of perfect that makes you want to take notes because this perfection is doable. She already knew everyone in our hall and everyone knew her. I think my official name at this point is Kristina with a K’s roommate. But I was okay with that because I wasn’t really trying to be memorable. And to be honest I’m not really the kind of girl you remember.

 Now before we jump to conclusions, I’m not trying to play the “plain-Jane” card. I just know who I am and I’m totally okay with it. I’m not tall but I’m not really short. My hair isn’t long but it’s passed my shoulders and that’s the standard length right? My skin isn’t pale or olive; I guess it’s somewhat close to a fading tan. I would say the only striking feature about me is my eyes. From far away they look brown, just boring brown. But when you get up close you can see the flecks of gold in them and suddenly they have a honey color. If I ever get a compliment (which isn’t all that often) it’s usually about my eyes. So I would have to say that I’m pretty average looking especially compared to someone like Kristina, so it was no surprise when I found a boy sitting outside our room with a flower in hand when I came home that day.

 As I began to take my keys out of my pocket, the boy looked up at me, looked back at our door, and back at me again confused. I would probably do the same if I was waiting for Kristina and I showed up instead so I wasn’t offended.

 “Um do you live with Kristina?” he asked as he scrambled up from the floor. He was wearing a black plain t-shirt that was probably a size too small because his chest and biceps seemed to fit a little too snug. I didn’t know if Kristina had a type but I was going to take a wild guess that muscles definitely helped.

“Nope I’m just here to change the sheets”, I said as I opened the door. The silence let me know he didn’t quite catch the sarcasm.

 “But yeah I also live here, I’m Case”, I added quickly. I probably should get used to awkward conversations with guys who randomly show up looking for my roommate.

 “Oh right, my name is Greg. Do you know where Kristina is? I thought we were going to lunch today but maybe she forgot”, he said as he looked down at the flower still clutched in his hand.

This was probably not the best time to mention that Kristina was already at lunch with Richard and they were probably pulling a Lady and the Tramp scene with a bowl of spaghetti. After all this guy was probably sitting outside our door for half an hour and I think this situation falls under girl code, or something to that effect. Besides, Kristina may be beautiful but I’m guessing she’s also a heart breaker and it won’t be the last time I find a boy sitting outside our room.

“You know, I think she mentioned some club meeting she had to go to? It was last minute and she probably rushed off and totally forgot you guys had made plans”, I said as I tossed my keys on my desk. This excuse seemed to work for him because he didn’t look quite as disappointed as when I first showed up.

“Oh okay, well could you give this to her? I wanted to text her but I didn’t want to be that guy you know. Just tell her to give me a call if she wants to hangout this week”, he said as he handed me the flower.

“Great! I will let her know you stopped by”, and with that I took the flower and he went on his way. I closed the door and looked for something to put the flower in. After all I wasn’t sure when Kristina would be back and I didn’t want Greg’s flower to be dead and withered. Then he really wouldn’t have a chance. Eventually I settled on a half empty water bottle and I placed it on her dresser. I laid down on my bed and as I curled up under my blanket I could feel the drowsiness kick in almost immediately. As my eyes became heavy I couldn’t help but think about the mystery girl. I wondered if she liked flowers.