#but no he has absolutely no idea how to navigate all this mental health-wise

[ask-ursa-tonypeter]

[fic: double-blind] Hi Tony! So that was some _shit_ you went through, i imagine being forcefully personality swapped into a megalomaniacal dictator would do a number on anyone's brain. Since actual therapy is hardly realistic in your case, what are you doing to cope? Do you have any big or small rituals, any activities that help you feel better? If not atm, do you plan on eventually trying to find some way to healthy-ish cope with your trauma?

Drinking.

--Oh, you said "healthy-ish."

Drinking responsibly.

[setsumushou]

This is my personal AO3 profile and how bad I was about this. I had the tag blacklisted, and now I don't know how to get rid of that blacklist, so my entire AO3 is just going to be completely hidden for myself going forward. The fate I have bestowed unto myself.

I'm just not going to write bottom!Mav after this current one. Or at least unless I have a great incentive/idea to. I do realize after trying to write it myself how hard it is to do something, especially if your heart is no longer into it (my heart, content creation-wise, is personally into fucking Rooster), so I am very sorry to the people whom I had ever pressured to write bottom!Mav if that wasn't what they had wanted to do. I can't even do it myself, so I certainly will never again expect it from others.

A lot of things I just did not figure out until trying to do them for myself. My bottom!Bradley-phobia? I was just literally crazy - it is genuinely super hot to me now (I prefer him with a lower body fat percentage and a tan as he is getting his ass caved open, but that is about it). My sexual predator!Mav-phobia? It turns out it is very fun to write (I am very bad at writing guilt). Underage bottom!Bradley-phobia? I'm not sure if I will ever write it because all scenarios have probably already been explored for it (and I have read a lot of them!), but I certainly can create other things for it which may be exteriorally worse, which no one has ever had the nerve to do (I am just very slow, and I have a lot I want to do, as it's not like I have had a lot of help with anything I have done).

I made mistakes. I overreacted to some very silly things and stressed my former friends out a lot because of it. I must forever emphasize that none of it was because of malice...I literally just had a non-functional brain, probably for months of last year and the beginning of this year. That is what mental illness is. When I say that I had been crazy last year, I don't mean it in a "Lana Del Rey cute" way. I meant it in a "I had undiagnosed mental illness which exacerbated my former reactions to things in an extremely irrational, paranoid way, resulting in some very difficult behavior." I am Asian - we notoriously do not speak on mental health, so I have never been able to figure this out for myself for my entire life. It had to be Roosmav to make me realize that I have BPD, which had flared up suddenly due to a variety of stressors last year, even beyond fandom.

But I know I was literally fucking crazy for the thoughts I had before because Bella reposting her omega!Rooster fic? I had been whining and squirming about it before, but it is the hottest shit ever to me now. I am very open about my thoughts on AO3 (I truly do love leaving in-depth comments when I know something was written by a friend), and anyone who stumbles upon that fic will see someone having the horny meltdown of their life over RoosterCunt. That is the actual hottest fic of hers to me now. "Permission Granted" is still my favorite fic on an emotional level - that one will always be my special Bella fic for me - but my dick is absolutely all the way up and here for "Aviate. Navigate. Communicate."

I feel like I should submit my Roosmav experience to some scientific journal, so at least some positive could come from this. It has been so fucking terrible.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

The Last Word: Shirley Manson on Fighting the Patriarchy and How Patti Smith Inspires Her

The Garbage singer also talks racial justice, living for now, and why legacy is an inherently masculine concern

Almost as soon as Garbage’s self-titled debut blew up overnight in 1995, their singer, Shirley Manson, became aware of the patriarchy running the music industry. Even though she was the group’s focal point — belting dusky electro-rock songs about making sense of depression (“Only Happy When It Rains”) and taking pride in nonconformity (“Queer”) — she was still a woman fronting a band of men, one of whom, Butch Vig, had produced Nirvana’s Nevermind. Almost immediately, she felt as though her role in the group was being devalued — not by the guys she worked with, but externally.

“There was a lot of stuff written about me in the music press, and that’s when I started to realize how I’m being diminished, how, in some cases, I’m being completely eradicated from the narrative because I’m female and not a man,” she says now. “I was talked over by lawyers; I was ignored by managers. The list goes on. It’s boring and tedious; there’s no point in me moaning about it now, but certainly, that was my awakening.”

That revelation emboldened her to speak out about equality and she quickly became a feminist icon, using her platform to bring attention to human rights, mental health, and the AIDS crisis. All the while, she wrote inclusive hit songs with Garbage about androgyny and reproductive rights (“Sex Is Not the Enemy”). On Garbage’s great new album, No Gods No Masters, she grapples with racial injustice, climate change, the patriarchy, and her own self-worth. But as weighty as the subject matter is, she approaches each song in her own uniquely uplifting way.

“I don’t think really the record is serious, per se,” the singer, 54, says, on an early May phone call. “I think it’s an indignant record. I think in indignance you can still carry humor with you, as well as softness, kindness, and love in your heart. I just felt it would be inauthentic to say anything other than what I was saying in my daily life across the dinner table from my friends and my family. I think as you get older as an artist, the challenge is, ‘How I can be my most authentic self?’ because that’s the most unique story I can tell. In an industry that’s just absolutely jam-packed to the rafters with ideas, opinions, melodies, and so on, you can’t afford to be anything other than your most authentic self. It won’t last.”

Authenticity and being true to herself are the qualities that have made Manson who she is. And those traits seem to guide her answers to Rolling Stone’s questions about philosophy, life lessons, and creature comforts for our Last Word interview.

What are the most important rules that you live by? I’m 54, which is ancient for the contemporary music industry. At this point, I feel like if it’s not fun, then I’m uninterested entirely. If somebody’s treating me poorly, I have to walk away. Life is so fricking short, and I’m three quarters of the way through mine already; I just want to have a good life, full of joy.

Who are your heroes and why? Patti Smith is a huge hero for me for a lot of different reasons. Most importantly, it’s because she’s a woman who has navigated her creative life so beautifully and so artfully, with such integrity and authenticity, and she has proven to me that a woman, an artist, does not have to subscribe to the rules of the contemporary music industry.

It’s very rare for other women to see examples of women actually working still in their seventies. That, to me, is really thrilling and really inspiring, and it fills me with hope. At times when you come up against the ageism, sexism, and misogyny that exists in our culture, I always try and picture Patti in my mind’s eye, and it always brings me back to center, like, “OK, adhere to your own rules. Design your own life. Be your own architect. You can continue to be an artist the rest of your life.” And to me, that’s life. That is a fully lived life.

You’re also a role model yourself. How do you handle that responsibility? I’m a bit speechless if the truth be told. I realize that I’ve now enjoyed a long career in music, and by default, I think people are inspired by that. I think whenever you see an artist, no matter who they are, when someone can endure, I think that’s exciting to everybody else, because it’s a message that says, “You too can get up when you think you’re done. You too can brush yourself off and try again.” By just continuing, you can help other people continue and fulfill themselves in ways that they thought they wouldn’t be able to.

I try to be a decent person. I make mistakes. I fuck people off. I say stupid shit. I’m not all-knowing; I am ignorant in so many ways. But I do try my best. I think that’s really all I can ask of myself.

How others perceive me is absolutely out of my control. There’s always going to be people who think I’m an arsehole, and that’s just part and parcel of being in the public eye. People are just going to hate on you, so I try not to take too much of it in; I don’t let it absorb me too much. I have gotten to that point in my life when I’m able to just go, “You know what? Fuck it. You can’t win them all.”

You once said that the idea of legacy was a masculine construct that you don’t believe in. Do you still feel that way? Yeah. I still very much believe in that. I know a lot of male artists who bang on about their legacy and their importance. Not to knock that if that’s what’s important to you but for me personally, what do I care? I’m going to be dead and gone and totally unconscious of any so-called legacy that I might leave behind. I want fun now. I want to have a good life now. I want to eat good food now and have great sex. It’s absolutely meaningless to me what happens after I’m gone. I want to use my time wisely, and that’s all that I really am concerned with, to be honest.

What is it about legacy that’s inherently masculine? This is armchair psychology, so please forgive me, but I’m sure it has something to do with how women have this uterus that can bear children. I think that’s profound. One of the few gifts that men have not been given is that ability to create with your body, and your blood, and your heat and all these nutrients from your body. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why you don’t hear as many women banging on about the great legacy they’re going to leave behind. I think for women it’s their kids.

You’re Scottish. What is the most Scottish thing about you these days? I’ve got a lot of grit, and it’s served me really well in my career. I think that is a really Scottish trait. The Scottish people are tough, and they also have a good sense of humor. So, grit with humor. I should say “gritted with humor,” in the same way we grit roads.

As you were saying “grit,” it occurred to me that a lot of your songs are about survival and moving forward, going back to “Stupid Girl” or “Only Happy When It Rains.” They’re about perseverance. [Pauses] I think it’s funny you should say that because I’m just sort of like, “Wow, he might be right.” I do think that a huge theme for me is, “How do you overcome? How do we all overcome?” Things can be great for a while; things will not be great forever. And to every single life, these challenges appear. We all have to reconfigure ourselves in order to try to hurl ourselves over obstacles in order to have the kind of life we hope for. So I do think you’ve shocked me a little by discovering a theme for me. Yay, I feel thrilled. I have a theme. It’s exciting.

“Waiting for God” is one of my favorite songs on the album because of the way you address racial justice. How can we, as a society, fight white indifference? You know, that’s a question right there. It’s interesting that you use the words “white indifference,” because one of the things that shocked me so greatly is the ambivalence and the apathy of white people all over the world who are seeing what we’re seeing on our TVs and on the internet, and yet not having the moral courage to speak up. I think the most important thing we can do is pull back the carpet to see the mess on the floor in order for us to actually start cleaning it up.

If we could curtail some of the brutality of police against black people, that would be a good start. I think it’s going to be decades and decades and decades before we can start to really equalize our societies so that everyone is enjoying the spoils of Western wealth over in the developing world. It’s necessary that we try and help these countries that aren’t as powerful or as wealthy. It’s good for the whole world if we start to improve situations for everyone. Nobody will lose anything, and everyone has everything to gain.

But if I had the answers to how we go about fixing it, I would be in politics and not in music. I just know what I believe to be right, and I’m doing my best to use my voice to try and encourage my friends, my little ecosystem, to start with paying attention and supporting black businesses and elevating black voices and black talent.

What’s your favorite book? I have so many. The one that springs to mind would be American Pastoral by Philip Roth. I loved All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. I loved The Collected Works of Billy the Kid by Michael Ondaatje. I loved Winnie the Pooh and Wuthering Heights. I’ve got so many that have really stuck with me that are classics.

My most favorite recent book that I’ve just finished reading is Dancer by Colum McCann about [Russian ballet dancer Rudolf] Nureyev. I was just absolutely mesmerized by it. It was just such a fantastic read, and he’s such a miraculous writer. He brought out Apeirogon last year about the struggle in between Palestine and Israel. He talks about this complicated mess with such clarity, kindness, and generosity. I couldn’t believe Apeirogon didn’t get more fuss made of it last year. Somehow it just seemed to get buried in the morass of other books, and of course the suffering that Covid had brought upon the earth.

What advice do you wish you could give your younger self? “Take up your space.” When I was growing up, to be a girl was to be told to minimize the space you took up: “Close your legs. Don’t be loud. Smile. Be cute. Be attractive. Be pleasing.” I inherently balked against that as a kid. I was a rebellious kid, and I wasn’t going to sit in the corner and be quiet. I’ve never been like that. However, looking back, I still notice some of the patterns of my own compliance. It’s not that I hate myself for it, but I just wish I could turn around and say to my young self, “Take your seat. If there’s not a seat there, drag a seat up to the table and sit down.”

I’m still really aware of the sexism and misogyny that I have had to battle throughout my career. I’m not crying, “Woe is me,” because I’ve obviously flourished in my career, and it obviously didn’t hold me back enough to hamper me in any way. But I feel for all the women who were unlike me, who didn’t have my forcefulness of personality, or my education, or my ability to articulate myself. I want that for all people, though; I want all people to stop trying to please, and accept that some people will like that, and some people won’t, and that’s OK. It’s OK that some people just don’t dig you.

On the topic of gender, I got a kick out of your song “Godhead,” where you ask if people would treat you differently “if I had a dick.” I’m really proud of that song, because I think it’s talking about something really serious, and it’s really fun. It’s about addressing the patriarchy, and how omnipresent it is. When I was young, I was so busy trying to make it, I didn’t see that there was a patriarchy in place. And it’s only as an adult, I start looking back going, “Oh, wow — when that A&R man told me to my face that he wanked over pictures of me, that was really uncool.” But at the time, you kind of laugh it off and just press on.

I was oblivious to it. In this song, I’m talking about how patriarchy bleeds into absolutely everything, specifically under organized religion. The “Godhead” is the male, and we are all under the godhead forever, and that’s unquestioned, and how crazy is that? Because a dude holds a higher position in society, because he’s got a dick and a pair of balls. Often, these balls are smaller than my own [laughs].

It just gets silly after a while, when you watch other men protect other men just for the sake of protecting the patriarchy. So few men are willing to speak up about bro culture and call into question the behavior of the men they are associated with. There’s just a reluctance by men to address this absolutely shocking, terrifying, depressing, pathetic assault by men of other people’s bodies.

In 1996, your bandmate Butch Vig said about you, “So many singers screamed to convey intensity, and she does the opposite. It just blew us away.” How did you come up with that approach? I don’t know. I’ve found that when people speak to me quietly, I feel the most threatened because I’m really comfortable with conflict. I thrive on conflict. It excites me in a funny way. When people are shouting, I don’t feel scared. I like to shout back; that’s just how my family were. We’d just start to shout at each other all the time. I’m not scared of elevated temper. For me, when people get really quiet, that’s when I know they’re really serious, because they’re in control of their rage, and that’s when they’re most deadly.

The last question I have is a shallow one. I love being cheap and superficial.

What’s the most indulgent purchase you’ve ever made? At the height of my success, I hired a person who would shop for me and then send everything in a big box to my hotel room. I would choose what I wanted and return anything else. One day, this beautiful pair of Italian leather boots arrived. I wore a pair very similar in the “Stupid Girl” video, and I thought, “Oh, yeah, these are really me. I’m going to keep these. These are amazing.” It was only when I got back from tour, I found out they cost $5,000. I can’t even laugh about it. It makes me so crazy. I still have these boots. I’d like to get rid of them just so that I never have to look at them again, but there they are every day, warning me of my own greed.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

12 of the best feel-good books

I think we could all do with a pick-me-up right now. We’ve been in some level of isolation for over a month and we’re perhaps being forced to accept a new normal. However, we’re still seeing frightening and tragic headlines all day every day (ration your news time, if you’re not doing so already), so of course, fear and hopelessness is going to set in. If you’re not used to spending time alone, loneliness is also a huge possibility but we know that books are a great source of solace in times like this. 

Maybe you want to do your own research and discover how far into the realms of science-fiction we’ve got. For you, I have compiled a list of the best books that pandemic fiction has to offer but if you’re looking for something more light-hearted, I’ve got the perfect tonic. Whether you need a laugh, to be comforted or to simply remember what life used to be like, here are some books that will help you escape the current face of reality. Above all, remember that it’s perfectly natural for your mental health to be suffering at the moment. Do whatever you can to look after yourself and stay safe.

1. The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary

Remember when you could just move in with a stranger without worrying about keeping two metres apart at all times? Tiffy and Leon share a flat and even a bed but due to entirely opposite work schedules, they manage to not even meet for months after Tiffy moves in, only communicating via texts and notes left on the fridge. But Tiffy’s controlling ex-boyfriend and Leon’s innocent prisoner brother ignite a connection that is fuelled by basic human kindness and a touch of romantic attraction, of course! This quirky rom-com has been a bestseller for over a year now and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a celebration of love, friendship and the unexpected happiness that can come from taking calculated risks. Beth O’Leary’s second novel The Switch has also just been released, so there has never been a better time to read her debut!

2. Wonder by R. J. Palacio

A beautiful story of empathy, kindness and acceptance, Wonder has fast become one of the most popular and widely read contemporary middle-grade novels. Auggie Pullman was born with a facial deformity and he’s attending mainstream school for the first time but of course, kids can be staggeringly cruel to those who are different. Wonder kickstarted a global kindness campaign and spawned a film adaptation, which is one of the best and most faithful I’ve ever seen. It has already given so much to the world and I know you’ll get a lot of joy out of it too.

3. The Long Way To A Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Of course, not all sci-fi is doom and gloom. This is the first instalment in Becky Chambers’ Wayfarers series and it’s laugh-out-loud funny. It follows a misfit crew of space travellers and their wonderful smile-inducing relationships. Celebrating the coming together of a variety of races, sexualities and personalities, it features a lot of loveable memorable characters who begin to read like dear loyal friends. If you’re looking for quirky, light-hearted sci-fi in a similar vein to Star Trek and Firefly, you’d be wise to start here.

4. Less by Andrew Sean Greer

Arthur Less is a struggling writer about to turn 50 and the love of his life is engaged to someone else. To say that he’s not feeling too hot right now would be an understatement but he has been invited to a range of literary events around the world, so he does the logical thing and accepts them all. We can’t travel right now but with Arthur, you’ll visit Paris, Berlin, southern India, the Moroccan desert and Japan. You’ll also go on a journey of self-acceptance, learn how to love the life that you have and appreciate the time you have left. 

5. Hot Mess by Lucy Vine

It’s rare that a book makes me guffaw out loud in public but Hot Mess did exactly that, when I read it a couple of years ago. Ellie is a single woman who hates her office job and is absolutely nowhere near having her life together. However, she does have some great friends and a lovely relationship with her dad Alan, whose drafts of a romance novel are truly side-splittingly hilarious. We see Ellie through terrible dates, trauma confrontation and a quest for true happiness that is hugely satisfying. It has been described as a modern-day Bridget Jones but I found it much more relatable and actually quite a lot funnier!

6. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion

It’s the first in a trilogy of novels that explore the trials and tribulations of finding romance when you’re genetics professor Don Tillman. Don likes facts, logic and reason and he applies all of these things to his latest endeavour, The Wife Project. He knows exactly the kind of woman he wants to marry but then he meets Rosie, who ticks none of his boxes and he’s forced to accept that perhaps true love doesn’t always follow the rules. Don and Rosie’s relationship is such a heartwarming, mutually beneficial one that will make you laugh and leave you with a big bag of warm fuzzy feels. 

7. The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien

There is a huge chance that you will have read The Hobbit but what better time to revisit a funny, charming favourite? Re-embark on the quest to retrieve Smaug’s treasure, take back the Lonely Mountain and make a plethora of fantastic friends along the way. As well as relating to Bilbo’s personal growth throughout the novel, I think the idea of facing epic threat and mortal peril in unknown environments and yet still returning safely home to a quiet comfortable life is the reassurance we need that this too shall pass. Of course, it will also be an intoxicating nostalgia trip, so there’s really no reason to not pick it up again!

8. The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

I read this over the Valentine’s Day period and was so enchanted by it. Gavin is a top baseball player for the Nashville Legends and he has recently discovered that he has never given his wife Thea a genuine orgasm and it’s threatening the relationship. So he does the logical thing and turns to his team mates, who actually double as a secret romance book club. They suggest taking a leaf out of a smutty Regency paperback to save his marriage -what could possibly go wrong? Funny, heart-warming and touching, it’s a great choice if you’re looking for a rom-com with a difference.

9. My Pear-Shaped Life by Carmel Harrington

If you’ve spent a lot of self-isolation being wholly unproductive and perhaps not looking after yourself too well, you may be feeling that you’re simply not good enough. Especially if your social media is full of happy healthy people doing just about EVERYTHING. Meet Greta, a struggling actress who is used to playing the role of the funny, overweight girl in all areas of her life. That’s ok as long as she laughs with everyone else, right? But things have been pretty rough lately and it’s only when she hits rock bottom that she begins to realise that maybe things need to go a little bit pear-shaped sometimes. With joy and despair in equal measure, this new novel, populated with an array of wonderful characters, will teach you that true happiness comes from simply being you.

10. A Boy Made Of Blocks by Keith Stuart 

Eight-year-old Sam is autistic and struggles to make sense of the world. His dad Alex has also lost himself somewhere along the way and needs to change. Minecraft offers a place where father and son can rediscover their bond and put the family back together, block by block. I reviewed this incredibly moving, uplifting story when it was first released a few years ago. It’s actually inspired by Keith Stuart’s real-life experiences, which I think give it an extra dollop of heart-warmth! 

11. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta

The entire focus of this fantastically written YA novel is on embracing your own personal uniqueness and on not being afraid to let it out. Michael is a mixed-race gay teen who has grappled with his identity for his entire life. On arriving at university, the idea of becoming a drag artist causes everything to begin to slot into place. Told in verse, The Black Flamingo will show you how your boldest brightest colours can shine through the darkest of times. Highlighting the power of words and challenging all forms of homophobia, whether it be external or internal, this is a book that I’m sure will become a staple of LGBT+ literature in years to come. As for now, it will simply inspire you to live your very best life, regardless of who tries to prevent it.

12. Reasons To Be Cheerful by Nina Stibbe

As the title may suggest, there is plenty to smile about in Reasons To Be Cheerful. It’s chiefly a coming-of-age novel about a young woman called Lizzie living in 1970s Leicestershire. She has just got a job as an assistant to a work-shy, racist dentist who is desperate to join the freemasons. Navigating this new position alongside a relationship with her alcoholic writer mother, a boyfriend who doesn’t seem terribly interested in her and a few unlikely friends, Lizzie’s life makes for some pretty amusing anecdotes. Whether it’s the simple retro setting or small cast of eccentric caricatures, there is something quite other-worldly yet familiar about it. There is a lot of detail that is relevant to the period it’s set in, including the blatant social prejudices that were so rife at the time. I am too young to have experienced 1970s Britain but it certainly feels authentic to what I know. I have no doubt that those that were there will get even more enjoyment and nostalgia from Lizzie’s life than I did. 

[yeonjuins]

hiii! It’s the goingtouniversitysoonforgfx anon again💀💀

call me june☺️! ngl that’s what I acc go by on my blog so if you ever find it, cool and hi :) (im just anon bc im shy lmao) - honestly i really love that name and it’s my birthday month, (I finish in June too!), also one of the first krnb artists I started listening to back in 2020 is called june and I was absolutely in love w his music, like he was all I had in rotation with gsoul and couple others

i haven’t acc tried using ae yet, your guide gave me a rough idea of where to start, I just haven’t gotten round to it . Truth is I’m so so so soooooo bad w time management and getting stuff done so I couldn’t make any extra passion projects for my portfolio (I ult txt and procrastinate like crazy so put that together with having to prepare for a 6hr exam) 😭

I had this really cool idea for an Ateez zine but all I’ve done is the cover roughly and nothing else - so I just quickly made a few things and compiled school and personal stuff together and sent it off, im really bummed out about the zine because it’s something I would’ve really put my all in and be so proud of but I didn’t wanna rush it and not be proud of it 🥲 if I ever make it I’ll be sure to show you!

On the bright side I made this fairy of shampoo poster that I love and a Polaroid love poster that I made on a whim-that oddly turned out really good that I sent off, but i wanted to animate it which I ended up not doing….. I’ll get round to it eventually…..

I have 2 offers tho! Just not from where I wanna go lmao, I should have the rest by the end of March so fingers crossed..

this could be the weirdest question you’ve ever gotten but like, how do u sort all your gfx stuff..? Like resources wise (colourings, pngs, elements) idk if I’m using the right terms but you get what I’m saying right?

I do have them in folders but most of the time I go on downloading sprees and then I end up leaving everything over the place - I may have just answered my own question but I’m just wondering what works for you or if you know anyone that has anything organised in a specific way where it’s easy to navigate, u know?

SORRY FOR THIS REALLY LONG ASK, I see you’re really swamped with asks already but….yeah. I also saw that you take music recs so I wanted to make a few! (That was the originally whole reason why i was sending an ask but i rambled alot replying to ur last answer to me…)

I have a million and one favourite songs rn, but these are my faves in rotation - lmk if you’ve already heard!

snowy night - billlie

sincerity - WONPIL

super rare - epik high, wonstein and ph-1

again - def, LEON

Cool to see other DVWN Fans and also it’s really cool to see how you’ve kinda created a space to talk about music, krnb and such, I always felt like I was the only one in this music bubble skhsjsj

Anyway, ENJOY :]

(putting under read more cause lengthy response (": )

please please !! never feel bad for having a long ask (": i'm honoured really people want to talk to me hehe <3 secretly typing up my response in class right now because this class is boring LMFAO

hello june !!! i acc have a friend with the same name on here so i'll call you 'june anon' if thats alright hehe (will go back to previous asks and change the tag as well so we can look back if we ever need to <3) and I CANNOT BELIEVE JUNE WAS ONE OF YOUR FIRST KRNB ARTISTS..... if we're talking about the same person- he's also apart of plt records right?? i am absolutely in love with anyone that is aware of plt....

oh my- please i feel like that wasn't even a proper guide ;; ik i already said this but i feel like i should've gave something more structured PAHHAHA hopefully it still helps you in some sort of way ;; and a 6 hour exam wtf that's acc insane imo ):< time management is super hard (<- literally micromanages everything to get stuff done <- horrible at micromanaging <- don't micromanage either, it's horrible for mental health if you don't condone time for it)

omg zines... i absolutely love making zines they're so fun... i think the first zine i made was an isometric house illustration based off of childhood photos of my friends ;0 i think i titled it the 'HOME' project or something but that was one of my first big projects that really pushed me towards wanting to do stuff with design in my fuutre (": i entirely know what you mean by 'wanting to give it your all'... it's really polarizing but as creators you feel the weight on your shoulder to make things good esp if the topic means a lot to you ;; please do show (if you feel comfortable and if you end up making it) !!!!

wHAHHAH edits on the whim are SOOO fun... i made my animal crossing edit / gyugle on a whim and they're truly one of my favourites hehe... i think i said this with humming anon but i feel like anything associated to fos is instnatly god tier... like nothing can go wrong with it ever and that is simply the truth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND YAYAYAY CONGRATS ON GETTING TWO OFFERS OMG ! that's acc amazing ;0 excuse me for prying but are you perhaps in canada...? it sounds like your school system is the same as mine ;; if you don't feel comfortable with sharing though feel free to ignore !! whatever college/uni you end up going to, i'm 90% sure it's all purely what you make out of the experience (the other 10% comes from me not even . being in university so i can't entirely vouch for this PAHAHAH) i believe in you my love <3

i’m going to answer your gfx organization question in a separate text post !! just in case someone else asks me so i can just redirect it easily ;; (you can find it here!) 

oh my god i wanted to get into billie for so long because i absolutely love their debut song + concept + THEIR ?? CHOEROS ARE SO COOL (lia kim <3 she never misses... <3) snowy night feels so christmasy it’s so cute... omg i acc never listened to wonpil’s solo stuff ;; i used to be obsessed with day6 in like 8th-9th grade but his voice is so angelic and soft ): my spotify acc broke listening to wonpil’s song SO I CAN’T . PAUSE IT NOW . (<- had to force restart my phone PAHAHHAH wonpil your power...) ASDHOIAKLMW AND OMG EPIK HIGH SOOOOO TRUE.... istg the more i answer asks the more anons bring out my krnb/khiphop days... absolutely love epik high’s ‘we’ve done something wonderful’ album... no skips on that album imo but i’m not sure if everyone would like it since it does have some of those ‘old school’ vibes to it (the song is lovely btw ph-1′s part is <3) ouu i feel like i’ve heard of leon before but this song is new to me ;0 it’s so chill wHAAHA it has like..... a hint of dpr vibes to it (<- thinks about dpr live’s jasmine obsessively... i also hate the fact that i use the word ‘vibes’ but idk what else i should say like ‘energy’ sounds equally as........... ‘gen z’ to me ASOHDIMKLWA)

thank you for the song recs my love (”: and thank you for dropping by my inbox hehe like i said all the way above, i don’t mind long asks !! let’s me talk about similar interests and i just think it’s wholesome overall <3 i hope your day has been going lovely as far my angel <3

[lumeha]

Europeans and Night Owl Americans : a match made in heaven

Oh yeah I guess the tsundere type character is probably intended to be taken like that, and in the case of Sylvain and Felix, it does feel like it would fit him way, way better to be the more submissive one. Sylvain is much more of a character that can push and tease and make sure Felix knows he *cares* and that he should let himself be cared too !

I have a ton of feelings about the Dimitri - Felix dynamic, in general, based on the evolution of Felix in the different routes and how Dimitri reacts to him before and after their A support, I have to admit, so that does colour a looooot of how I see Felix :D His Golden Deer dialogue related to Dimitri, the way he acts in the Crimson Flower route, and how his endings, outside of Azure Moon, all have some touch of really heavy tragedy that can be linked back to Dimitri (because it will still happen even if you have all his other childhood friends with you after all ! and the Sylvain / Felix non-Azure Moon paired ending is such a big tragedy also)

Between Dimitri traumas and mental health problems, and Felix obvious issues, but wanting to protect, and I do think that this dynamic make a lot of sense for them. It has more navigating mental issues and traumas and grief than other relations Felix (and Dimitri too) has, but I just feel like it does give Felix big ol’ “Caring And Protecting” instincts a kick in the shin to activate. And if they are in an intimate relationship, well, they both have to learn even more how to navigate that. 

… He will still grumble and scowl about it, tho, because that man and words are *not* friends

Also submissive Dimitri is my jam just because that guy needs a mental break and someone to takes care of him (and he doesn’t stop at Felix bitchy words and sees the actions so that works) (I am amazed at how much Dimitri tries, sincerely, to get back to Felix’s good side. He wants to get his friend back so much, and if you add romantic love in the mix, it makes for a truly emotionally hard but good relation when they can allow themselves to get more vulnerable with each others ! Dimitri wants Felix to see him as everything he is, he doesn’t mind the prickliness and being told to shut up when he teases him !)

(I admit : Felix is one of the rare characters I feel *conflicted* over recruiting in other routes, because of all of those big feelings about how he changes in non-Blue Lions routes. It’s amazing because 1 - He is my favourite with Dimitri, so I would expect to want him with me Always, 2 - Game-wise, he is such a powerhouse that recruiting him makes sense to wipe out maps) 

For Claumitri, I admit, Claude and Dimitri don’t really have lots of interactions, that is true ! And that is a shame (and it is a shame all the house leaders don’t have much interactions between each others, I want to *suffer* IntSys) For me it mostly comes down to thinking that, with their personnalities, it would make a very interesting dynamic of interactions, and that the game did not bank enough on that. Claude is too sharp to not notice all aspects of Dimitri, and Dimitri seems like he would relax around someone who could understand his issues without having the ton of luggage drawn around from common long history

And also the political implications, because goddamn it, the political implications are absolutely Beautiful and just that idea makes me all giddy and amused

Go get to sleep some of us are Europeans and it's the morning for us ;P (but heyyy I have feelings about caring / service doms and how it could fit Felix if he lets himself care bc it means he has to let the sub care too in return and see more vulnerable parts of him and I love that !) (it is the one who mentionned writing Claumitri) (bc I need to stop being shyanxiousmess)

I refuse to take ownership of my poor habits and instead choose to continue answering asks and reading fanfiction. I would also not be at all surprised if 85% of my followers are European actually because now that you mention it I am always active at normal people hours there :P

That said, I feel like Tsunderes are subs at their very core. Not even related to Felix, I just feel like that’s the way the trope is intended to be taken (usually a prickly but mushy on the inside person needs to have their shell broken by a more sensitive, dominant personality)

For the traditional dynamic I 100% ship Sylvain/Felix. They fit perfectly. Sylvain maybe isn’t the most sensitive or caring, but he definitely has soft spots for his friends (Felix especially). He’s a more dominant, outgoing personality. Whereas Felix is prickly, isolated, but a big ol’ softie on the inside.

BUT I think you could play around with it a lot, too. Dimitri and Felix feel like a much less rigid pairing to me since they don’t quite fit the Tsundere dynamic. I mean Felix is still prickly, but it’s more out of loathing than general social isolation. If they were in a relationship I could see Dimitri taking on the more submissive role, if only because I don’t think Felix would allow himself to be vulnerable around him (at least not right away). But then with your idea, it could help them open up to each other?? I mean Felix is vulnerable but he doesn’t realize it and it helps them rebuild their relationship from a place of trust?

And okay I have to ask, why Claumitri? I’ve only beaten two of the routes and being leaders of their houses I haven’t seen them interact much, so I haven’t really formed much of an opinion on that ship yet. But people really seem to like it so I’m curious what draws you to it?

[ah17hh]

I have absolutely no idea what to do via /r/polyamory

I have absolutely no idea what to do

I've been with my NP (Adam) for 7+ years, non-mono from the start and poly for 6+ of them, and was with my other serious bf (Jay) for 3+, much of which he functionally lived here as well.

My relationship with Jay has been tumultuous from the start, to say the least. Neither of us is super emotionally stable, he's an alcoholic (and a really nasty drunk), and I have a history of dating abusive drunks, and the PTSD to show for it. We were amazing together, except when we were a toxic mess, which was becoming more and more frequently as he tried (unsuccesfully) to stay sober. He crossed the line into full-on abusive one too many times, and I finally ended things for good. It sucks, because if he ever could have been happily sober we were amazing together, but at this point I'm done done.

Adam and I are complicated. We are best friends, wonderful roommates, and definitely family. We click intellectually, and share a lot of ethics and a weird sense of humor. He is, since my mom died, basically my only real family. The problem is that on other levels we absolutely don't click. Sex with us has always been complicated. Its good, but the chemistry isn't there for me, and nor can he seem to figure out how to navigate actually turning me on, despite effort on both ends. I'm extremely sexually driven, and while he isn't quite as extreme he is pretty sexual as well. I also have a pretty crazy, and fairly traumatic, past life that is a million miles away from anything he has any point of reference for. He knows, but on a very fundamental level he is never going to get that part of me. He has buried 2 elderly grandparents, and an sick uncle. I've buried virtually everyone I grew up with except for 2 friends, including most of my old loves, one of them my first real love, and all of them either by violence, suicide, or overdose, excluding my mom (that was surprise cancer). In some ways he is the center of my world, in other ways he is a million miles away. He has also been in a depressive funk that has gotten progressively worse over the past 4+ years, and has done virtually nothing about it. When he isn't at work (at whichever shitty job he currently hates, and he quits and repeats the cycle) he's a stoned lump on the couch. I'm not unempathetic, I have type II bipolar that I manage without meds, so I know depressive apathy all too well. We have absolutely opposite ways of reacting to it though. My bipolar was early onset, and I've been fighting that black hole for my life for basically my entire adult life. I will tear my life apart if I have to for the dopamine kick to break out of that gravitational field. He wallows in it. It probably doesn't help that his baseline personality is very laid back, and fairly unambitious, where as mine is the polar opposite. At our best we balance one another out nicely. At our worst I'm a whirlwind of chaos and emotion that he can't find his footing while navigating, and he's a black hole of apathy that slowly sucks me into its gravity.

For the past 3 years the things I really need that weren't there with Adam I was getting from Jay, and it kind of worked. I still needed them with Jay, especially a willingness to actually do things together, and we have had the talk many times, but the best he has right now is a grudging willingness to come along for the ride. A lot of the things I love most, like travel and the outdoors, he enjoys occasionally in small doses, but thats it. I knew that to an extent my relationship with Jay was also (poorly) patching widening holes in my relationship with Adam, and they both knew it too.

It felt like my life was on pause waiting for Jay to get his shit together, and now that that's done its become painfully obvious how much its still on hold, either waiting for Adam to do the same, or trying to drag him along or carry him. I still don't feel like I have an actual equal partner in most regards, be it financially, or socially, or emotionally. I don't want to lose Adam, because I do love him to death, but I can't keep doing what I'm doing now, and changing this is going to go beyond having this conversation for the 500th time.

A month ago I met a guy halfway across the country (somewhere I have always wanted to live) on tinder. We made a ridiculously inpulsive plan for me to come visit for 10 days, and 2 weeks to the day after we started talking I was on the plane (no, I'm not in the US). Should have gone horribly, right? The guy is everything I didn't even know I needed, and everything I want. The guy also is decidedly not poly, though how that will play out with my being poly remains to be seen. We have, bizarrely, mostly avoided the subject. What was supposed to be...I don't know what it was supposed to be, but it turned into him coming here a month from when I left, then me flying out again, and us talking about my moving in.

I don't need to make a decision now, but it feels like I do. And the decision isn't even so much this guy, its leaving to pursue some long-paused dreams, to live in my dream place, to snap out of this haze I've been stuck in. The guy is kind of the icing on the cake (I think). My NP would be fine with me living there 50/50, and its actually potentially viable work-wise, but I don't know if that would work with the guy, or for me. I should add on that I am having a horrible time with the LD thing, especially in a new relationship that I am way over invested in for the duration. I've done the NRE crazy many times before though, and I have never felt like this about someone. Its not the giddy he's perfect NRE, its the feeling I had when I started my career, the one that actually fit me like this was what I was made for. I know what sucks about him, I know whats going to bother me, I know he isn't my all-inclusive ticket to unending happiness. But fuck, for the first time in my life I can see how forever might actually look without drowning in existential dread. This feels like a chance I can't pass up, and it also feels like I shouldn't be trusting my own decision-making with everything that is going on, but shit is always going on. I feel like I've been stuck in place because nothing ever feels stable enough to make big decisions, or big changes, like I never feel stable enough, because I am miserable because I'm stuck.

If you made it this far, thank you. I don't know what I'm looking for, besides outside feedback, and a sounding board. What should I be asking myself? What am I missing? How do you know if its a stupid time to make a decision because you're frustrated and miserable, or if you absolutely need to make a decision because you're frustrated and miserable? I think I know what I need to do, but I'm terrified to trust myself (a lifetime of having every decision you make framed as a symptom, and of having to second guess every decision in case it really is a symptom, will do that). I am, for what it's worth, stable mental health-wise at the moment.

Submitted August 17, 2020 at 05:51PM by Missscarlettheharlot via reddit https://ift.tt/3iMAkUr