#but my twitter is private and very small and i never really feel the need to add commentary there. i just retweet stuff

[userkoo]

really sucks that i got hit with the ‘enjoying things offline’ urge right when jungkook started dropping his stuff but just know i am streaming seven and watching/loving it all, just not posting about it rn heheh. sometimes i feel a little useless on tumblr if i’m not making gifs (which i know is very silly) so i haven’t been around bc i haven’t had the motivation to open photoshop. but i shall be back soon to reblog all the lovely content that’s been released for us lately :D

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙private, not a secret | MV1˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: max verstappen x wife!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au, established/secret relationship

warnings: very fluffy :))

summary: in which you and your husband like to keep things on the low so much so that none of his fans know about the family you have together

a/n: i luv this req tbh i lowkey luv writing kids in it's sooo cute im lowkey broody af atm too 😭 helllll

request!!!: Hi!! Could I request an smau with max where he has a secret family or something idk I just think it could be really cute !

fc: various blonde girls from pinterest

my masterlist

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55, and others

yourusername my beautiful life

view all comments

maxverstappen1 my girls

yourusername 💓

carlossainz55 god i look so cool

yourusername hahahhh yeaaa

carlossainz55 ???

yourusername nothing mate😄

yourbff aww i need to come see you guys

yourusername yes please omg 😧 alice said she misses her fav aunt !

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

messages ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, and 88,928 others

maxverstappen1 beach day

view all 14,283 comments

user7 omg hi y/n

user8 YES A Y/N FEATURE

user9 omg he let her out of the basement

user10 💀

danielricciardo go off

maxverstappen1 yessss!!! whatever that means

user11 lol

charles_leclerc tell y/n we want her at the next race please

maxverstappen1 she will come if the babysitter is free 👍

*comment deleted by maxverstappen1*

maxverstappen1 she said she'll think about it 🧠

user12 WHAT

user13 Urmmmmmmm did you guys see the deleted comment

user14 do max & y/n have children?

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and others

yourusername let's ignore max's deleted comment slip up shall we

view all comments

charles_leclerc i am sorry on his behalf y/n 🙏

yourusername hahah dont worry about it charlie

oscarpiastri get him on a time out asap

liked by yourusername

yourbff aww the world deserves to know about little alice

yourusername they will soon we're keeping her childhood safe for now

maxverstappen1 you already know she's gonna come watch her dad race soon 😎

yourbff im sure she'll find that very fun max

yourusername hahah that's what i said

maxverstappen1 😒

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

interview ->

transcript (sorry if it's hard to read😭) ->

there is always going to be rumours ahout my relationship considering we keep things to ourselves, neither of us find it necessary to comment on them very often. *laughs* i've never heard anyone say i'm hiding y/n, no. we have always been private but never ever a secret and that's how it will remain for the most part

twitter ->

instagram ->

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 1,124,293 others

maxverstappen1 a small insight into our (family) life

tagged: yourusername

view all 27,283 comments

user21 NOOOO WAYYYYY

user22 this is so so so so precious

user23 omg i feel so honoured that this is being shared with us even tho it's only a small piece of their lives 🫶

user24 max being a girl dad JUST MAKES SENSE

liked by yourusername

yourusername i love you!!

maxverstappen1 i love you more ❤️

user25 this is so special

charles_leclerc love you guys

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo congratulations again bro you have a such a beautiful family

maxverstappen1 thank you daniel 😄

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, and others

yourusername this account will never go public gang dont worry!! especially because im pregnant again 🤫

view all comments

oscarpiastri omg congratulations y/n

maxverstappen1 and me?

oscarpiastri oh right yea sorry max forgot, congratulations mate

danielricciardo congratulations guys 🫶

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1

charles_leclerc so so happy for you guys

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

yourbff 🤰 ur glowing

yourusername i heart you

maxverstappen1 you are so beautiful

yourusername stop it you im blushing

maxverstappen1 i love making you blush

yourusername i love you

maxverstappen1 i love you my girl 💗

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

THE END ❤️

[animeomegas]

Thinking about the MHA boys this morning.

Because you just know that their fans speculate on what they're like in bed, especially high ranking heroes like Midoriya and Bakugou.

But what fan theories are the most widely believed? And how close to the truth do they get?

(n-sfw under cut)

Midoriya's fans mostly agree that he's far too sweet and innocent to be anything but vanilla, maybe with a handful of kinks mixed in.

And they're completely wrong.

What would they think if they could see the way he begs to be ruined? If they could see the cheating roleplays? Or the con noncon ones?

When he's asked in interviews how he deals with the stress of being a hero, he always says that he relies on his partner and spends time with them.

He's always got a little happy blush on his face, and those moments always get turned into gifs for his fans to squeal about how cute he is.

If only they knew what kind of 'spending time with his partner' he was really thinking about.

///

Bakugou has one of the horniest fanbases ever.

He's an aggressive, caring, tsundere who keeps his private life as secret as possible, so it was bound to happen.

Countless thirst edits of him exist for fans to drool over and debate what dominant, kinky things they want him to do to them.

Bakugou's fans are also wrong.

Because he's very vanilla. He resents the super dom image his fans and the media sometimes use, because he's not into any of that shit.

It makes him feel pretty bad to imagine himself hitting or tying up his fans or anyone. He's just not that person.

Bakugou's whole shtick is passionate sex between equals. His alpha and him fuck a lot, but they bask in each other's presence and bodies. He's not really into toys or BDSM or that shit.

He wants to keep his life private, and unfortunately part of that is never addressing the wild speculation that the fans fill the gaps with.

///

Denki though? His fans know exactly who he is in bed, there's no secret there.

His Tiktok is filled with all sorts of couple shit that make his relationship dynamic very clear.

He's not a big hero either, so the fans he does have are small in number, but particularly devoted.

He also makes 'jokes' in interviews and on Twitter that reveal a lot.

His fans know he's getting his back blown out by his alpha every night.

They know he likes getting choked.

They know he likes the ditzy house spouse vibes.

It's an open secret that everyone memes constantly.

Denki thinks it's funny most of the time, but he has been embarrassed by it on occasion.

Idk, I have to go back to writing my essays now, but I needed to push this out into the internet first ;)

[wildpeachfarm]

I really want to talk about this, this is such a huge thing in dsmp fandom or what’s left of it (including people who “left”) because all those people are either pretending to be into Q or Tommy or completely different fandom but all they talk about and all their tweets that get the most attention and likes are about hating dteam

OOOOH i was hoping someone would yap about this!!! I saw this on twitter and a tear of joy fell down my cheek because this is finally being addressed bluntly on the internet.

Now keep in mind anything I say will be my own perception of fandom dynamics however, as someone who has been in fandom since I was 13 and now am 21, I feel like I have a good handle on trends I see and typical dynamics that can be prevalent on the internet in both very large fandoms and very small fandoms. But everyone will probably have a slightly different way of looking at this depending on who they have interacted with.

A factor that I think could potentially play into this is the glorification of stan accounts specifically on twitter (although it happens here too just to a smaller degree). Because once a stan account (that is not an artist, writer, cosplayer, editor, etc.) is put on a pedestal of "good" then they feel the self-assigned obligation to start speaking on behalf of the fandom as a whole and start "calling out" people who do things they don't like. In the way that they use their own comfortability as a metric for "good" or "bad" because people have made them seem so important. It's a weird thing but very much mimics high school "popular kids" dynamics and that whole hierarchy thing.

Now, I do think people who are creatives can be at fault for this too but I think that this tweet specifically mentioning that it tends to be those in the community that have nothing else to offer is a good point. AND it's people who are GROWN ASS ADULTS!!!

And I absolutely agree that somehow we (dteamblr/twt) are still dealing with the people who "left" trying to come in and all they do is stir up drama and contribute nothing else to the fandom. Not saying that you absolutely need to be contributing your own fanworks to fandom in order to be a valued member of the community (bringing hype and joy and support is good enough for many!) but it's extra weird when someone who is not an artist/writer is trying to police and hate on fanworks when they have never created anything like that- it feels weird imo

For some reason, we are in a super weird era of internet culture where DM screenshots and priv account screenshots are being paraded around for the sake of interpersonal callout posts instead of handling things in DMs like proper adults. Instead, we are seeing the most unimportant shit being shoved in our faces by stan accounts that literally do nothing but bitch and moan all the time about shit that no one should care that much about OR things that should've been handled privately first before putting someone on trial before the grand jury of the internet. These people don't stick around and post when things are happy and exciting, but you can bet they will come out of the shadows to hate-mob someone they don't like and ruin the community environment. It's very bizarre.

Anyways! Just my thoughts!

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #16: Answers and Questions

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, a timeloop RPG, which is also the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

LET’S GET TO IT. This month is Q&A: Cohost edition!

“A Q&A again?” Heheh well I don’t have anything to talk about this month ✨ We’re working hard on finalizing the localization! And on porting to consoles! And on secret stuff! You know, the usual!!! Get excited!!! So, Q&A again 💖 And see, I asked questions for Q&As on Twitter. On Tumblr. On Discord. But some new social media platforms have entered the fray. SO.

Welcome to Q&A: Cohost edition. (Follow me on cohost and/or read this post I wrote about why I think cohost is neat teehee) (and follow me on bluesky if you want. I like it way less though. Sorry bluesky)

@ItsMeLilyV asks:

One of the bits of advice that gets tossed around by indie devs is to avoid making RPGs, especially for your first few games, because they tend to be large in scope, difficult to prototype, and easy to underestimate.

Was this ever a fear for you in making START AGAIN, or In Stars and Time? Did you take any special precaution to keep these games within a scope you could handle, and did you learn tricks from START AGAIN that carried over to ISAT when in came to keeping things manageable? Thank you!! ✨

I had no idea that was a piece of advice given, but yep, that makes a lot of sense! Since I didn’t know, I went in blissfully aware, teehee.

I will say that I am familiar with working on big projects from working on comics, and with seeing big webcomic artists always mention to never start with your magnum opus… And I could tell ISAT had the potential to be way bigger than I imagined, which is why I decided to start with creating the prologue to get used to RPGMaker as well as making games. Kind of a pilot of sorts!

Again, thanks to comics, I know to keep my scope pretty small, because even if you keep it small it WILL balloon into something way bigger than you thought. Just for the prologue, I imagined it’d be a 20mn game, and it’s easily a 2-3h one! Keep your scope small!!!

As for tricks, when I catch myself thinking “wow what if I added this cool thing”, I try to always keep in mind those two things: 1. How long will it take to implement (including bug testing), and 2. Does it add something important to the game. I know we always want to add a fishing game, or a fun minigame, but do you Need It. Does it add something substantial to the story, to the Themes. Or are you just adding it because you like fishing games. Which is a valid reason, but also, maybe just make a fishing game instead. You are not the Yakuza series!!!! You are a small indie gamedev!!!! Think about you in 4 months who has to fix all the fishing game bugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@stem asks:

how is it to have a piece of art that's basically done (as far as i understand) that you can't share yet? like how do you personally bide the time until it's finally ready to release, or is it not really a challenge to wait? :0c

It’s so weird!!! The game has been done for so long!!! I’m very glad I asked some friends to playtest the game, so I could at least get some feedback before the game is out… In some ways it feels like the game will be done twice: once back when I finished making the game, and once when the game actually comes out. It’s just a very strange experience. Sometimes people tell me they’re excited to find out more about this story beat, or about this character, and a part of me is like… Wait, haven't you played the game? Oh, yeah, it’s not actually out. Guess you’ll find out later.

EDIT: My god. I just checked on my private devlog for when I completed the Alpha of ISAT. It was in August of last year (I lay down on the floor and look at the ceiling) (I still had to finish all the illustrations so really the game was Done Donezo in October but still…)

anon asked:

What role did Armor Games play in creating the final product?

SO MANY THINGS. Here are some of them: support when it comes to porting/marketing/social media/localization, feedback on the game and how to make it better, community guidance, testing support, QA/internal testing… The game couldn’t be the way it is without them.

For more small details, I have a weekly meeting with my producer, Dora! We talk about the game and how everything is going. A couple months back, I also was checking in with the internal QA team fairly often to fix any remaining bugs. They also helped me find ISAT’s additional programmer, Isabella, and she is a godsend because coding is hard. They also take care of communicating with press, finding more opportunities to showcase the game in conventions, talking with the localization/porting teams… I am probably forgetting a thousand little things they did to help out!!! THEY’RE SO GOOD OK

Anon asked:

So obviously the skills/spells/what have you are based off of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Did you design each "type" to be like a certain style? Rock being heavy damage and defense buffs, scissors being speed and quick attacks, like that?

Absolutely! I just went with the obvious. Rock is physical damage, defense focused, Scissors is swords, attack focused, and Paper is magic, mind focused. It was fun to develop a spell system around those! I’m excited for people to find out more about Craft…

@nickshutter asks:

I really loved START AGAIN (streamed it for a small handful of friends) and was super happy to hear about a follow-up! The cast is so much fun and their personalities are really well-balanced—did any of the characters change pretty drastically from their initial conception during development of the game?

I’m so glad you streamed it with friends… I hope you had a good fun time…

And for sure! Isabeau and Mirabelle were pretty set from the get go (himbo and shy wallflower), but Odile started as more of a gentle teacher type, even if I very quickly went the snarky old lady route. Siffrin and Bonnie were harder to pin down– I wasn’t sure how to portray Siffrin’s despair in the prologue, and started showing them more overtly depressed, but I thought it’d be Very Yummy to have them show a happy facade to their friends. And then, for ISAT, I had to figure out what a non-depressed Siffrin would be like, for the first couple acts of the game before the despair sets in. As for Bonnie, I had a lot of trouble figuring out what they’d be like, what kind of kid they were, what their relationship with everyone else would be like, and then I thought about what their past would be like and then their characterization was set in stone. Sometimes you need to figure out One Thing to unlock a character’s brain. I’m very excited for everyone to find out more about each character in ISAT!

@SuperBiasedGary asks:

What games (or other media) lit a fire under you to create your own?

It could be stuff you liked so much it inspired, something you found frustrating because you felt an itch to do it differently, or something that made you realise humans make things and you could be one of them.

I found a lot of indie games inspiring, but I think Umineko might’ve been the one that made me go… Oh, anyone can just make a massive video game narrative. And you can make it very simple, with kinda goofy sprites, and still manage to make an incredibly touching story!

As for frustrating games that lit a fire under me, I think I’d say in general, I found issue with the classic trope of the “main character helps people and doesn’t get anything back”. What often happens in some games is that you help NPCs with their problems, sometimes helping them with very intense, complicated problems! For a very long time! And, in exchange, you get… A cool item? A nice new skill? And that’s it?

I know this might be complicated to implement on a narrative perspective, but I remember playing Persona 5, and your character just went through a very harrowing experience (like, oh, being INTERROGATED AND TORTURED BY THE POLICE) and you help your friends during social links, and they go “thanks for your help! Bye~” like WHAT ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. CAN YOU GIVE ME A HUG

So on a certain level, I wanted a game where instead of the characters around you having problems, the main character also has problems. And is subconsciously screaming “CAN YOU PLEASE NOTICE I HAVE PROBLEMS AND GIVE ME A HUG.” And hopefully, the characters notice. Winks

Hm. I do want to say I wrote most of the prologue/ISAT during the pandemic, and I felt very lonely and not supported. But then guess what. I told my friends about how I felt. And most of them told me they had no idea, and vowed to support me more. And now I’m closer to them. So the moral of this answer is, yeah, it’d be nice if people noticed, but also, you need to tell people when you’re feeling bad. LOOKS AT SIFFRIN

Anon asked:

Is there a song you listen to in order to put yourself in the sasasa/ISAT mindset?

I have a whole playlist baybee. Before you ask: there aren’t any hidden meanings behind those song choices. It’s about the Mood, and also my personal tastes in music I listen to when I need to concentrate. I like songs that go WUB WUB

 In no particular order, here are five random songs I played on repeat when making the prologue:

Future Club (Arcade Version) by Perturbator (in bold because this was THE song I listened to on repeat. I believe I gave it to Lindar for inspiration lol)

Arcades by C2C

Wake Me Up by Para One

The First Wish by DROELOE

Les Enfants du Paradis by World’s End Girlfriend

And here are five random songs I played on repeat for In Stars and Time:

Down by Chloe x Halle

Nonsense Bungaku by Eve

Non-Breathe Oblige by PinocchioP

Gentle Heart by Jamie Paige

Ready For The Floor by Hot Chip

It’s interesting, the songs I listened to for the prologue are generally more heavy and frenetic, while the ones for ISAT are more hopeful… I made sure to listen to more lively songs for ISAT, since that’s the feeling I wanted to give off…

That’s all the questions I have! In other, non related ISAT news, I have started a new project and having a lot of fun. It’s a visual novel this time. I’m hoping to get some screenshots ready in the next few months, but also I’m taking it easy on this one. If it takes years with many breaks in between to get it done, it’s fine. What matters to me right now is the process!

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

[lesbxdyke]

Sometimes I really hate the way people act when people want to express a difficulty when they have a privilege.

I am white. I make no secret of this.

I am also autistic. I also make no secret of this.

I once posted in an autistic group on FB about how, I live in a small UK town with a very small POC population, and how I rarely go outside, so I pick up most of my new vocabulary from online memes, so when it comes out that that vocabulary is AAVE and Black People are asking White People not to say it, I have a bit of a tough time because my communication is built on scripts and patterns and once something has become an accepted part of my script, removing it is a hard thing.

I made it clear that I DO stop. That I put the work in to break those scripts and stop doing something that I've been asked to stop doing because it's harmful, I made no excuses, and made it clear that I wasn't looking for people to say "Oh it's okay, you can because you're autistic!" Or mollify me.

I just wanted a space with other people that might understand the struggle I was having to vent and release because it IS a difficult task for me.

And again, I repeated at least 3 times in the post that I wasn't looking for absolution, praise for trying, or permission to say things that I have no right to say.

(I would also like to note that this was ALL about slang (ala 'on fleek') and not at all about Slurs. I am very lucky that I have never picked up slurs in my speech, I've just picked up a lot of slang that was not immediately 'advertised' as AAVE online)

The FIRST COMMENT was from a moderator, saying 'While it's hard for you, remember it's harder for POC who have to moderate what they say all the time and don't have the privilege of having time to learn.'

And just like that, I felt shamed. I felt ashamed for struggling with this thing, despite approaching this group MADE FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE to get off my chest that I struggle with something that NT people would shame me for.

I felt ashamed for struggling with something because of my disability, because "Other people have it harder."

And I still feel ashamed. Every time I pick up a new piece of slang, there's this intense grip of panic and shame, because what if it's not FOR me to use? And if it comes out it's not in a few weeks/months, I don't get to complain that I'm struggling because other people have it harder, I'm privileged so I should just suck it up and ignore that my disability is making my life difficult.

I would never DREAM of seeing a fellow disabled person complaining about how difficult they were finding a waiting list for something they required and bring up that it's more difficult for Trans people because in the UK our waiting list is 5+ years minimum for a first appointment and another 1 year minimum after that first appointment to get any sort of treatment. Because that's not what the conversation is about, and all it will do is make them feel shit about struggling with their waiting list.

The oppression Olympics "Well this group has it worse!" When someone is expressing a struggle/disappointment IS NOT HELPFUL!

Shaming people because "Well this group has it worse!" IS NOT HELPFUL!

Unless someone is claiming that they are the group that has it the absolute worst, there is NO NEED TO SAY THAT YOUR GROUP HAS IT WORSE ON A VENT POST!

Everyone, E V E R Y O N E, from a skinny CisHet NT abled white man to the most underprivileged person you can possibly think of has things they struggle with and as long as they're doing it in the right forum (their blog, a vent room in a discord server, a group for people with their disability to discuss the way it makes their life difficult, their Twitter, their private diary), they should be met with support and care as long as their vent is not actively harming people. Not shaming.

Stop with the bloody oppression Olympics.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 32 - EPISTOLARY

Last train home by erde (orphan_account)

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 10,983 Tags: Post-CA:CW, Pining Steve, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: Steve writes letters to Tony that he never sends. By the time he hands them to their rightful owner, Tony has had a brush with death, has retired as a superhero, and now has a small town workshop of his very own. But it's okay, Steve has gone into retirement too.

Reasons why I love it: Aaaaah, the ending of this one is so sweet it makes me want to smother myself with a pillow. I love all of Steve's letters and Tony's retired superhero lifestyle, it feels like a missing part of canon. I adore this one, and I bet you will too, so please go and check it out!

a tweet is worth 140 characters by athletiger, BladeoftheNebula, march_hyde, starksnack

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 7,614 Tags: Coffee Shop AU, Fluff and Crack, Twitter AU

Summary: From tumblr: "Ok but imagine it’s Steve on a date with a guy like this and Tony’s watching from across the coffee shop, live tweeting it!! And then Steve finds out that Tony Stark was tweeting about his terrible date and responds to the thread like “next time feel free to step in and save me!” And Tony’s like “next time you should just date me” and whoops, a twitter romance is born!" Well. It happened.

Reasons why I love it: The formatting in this is so fricking good, it feels like I'm really browsing Twitter. I love the back and forth and Tony live tweeting Steve's terrible date, it's hilarious. And there's just something about Johnny Storm getting roasted by the Avengers that I deeply appreciate. Pun absolutely intended. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too, so I hope you check it out!

ctrl-alt-deceit by soliloquent

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 17,113 Tags: No Powers AU, Miscommunication, Getting Together

Summary: “Tony, I’ve completed the background check on Steven Rogers, and there’s something big you need to know. Like, massive security-threat level big. I’m sorry, sugar. He’s bad news.” Or: A corporate espionage story told solely through excerpts from CEO Tony Stark’s inbox. Featuring romantic pining, delightful office lunches, sarcastic super-geniuses, intense investigations, revolutionary nanotechnology research, unhinged arch-nemeses, haunting ghosts from the past, and an endearing emoji overload by a witty Peter Parker.

Reasons why I love it: The suspense in this fic is so goddamn good, it kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time! I really love the Knives Out reference here, it definitely got a good chuckle out of me. And Steve is such a sweetheart, I love him so much. This fic is fantastic, and you should definitely read it, if you haven't already!

🙀 ➡ 😻 ➡ 😽 by Anaxandria, BladeoftheNebula

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 5,159 Tags: Fluff and Humor, No Powers AU, Domestic Avengers

Summary: Tony puts up a "Missing Cat" sign and not only 1) gets his cat back, but 2) meets a cute guy named Steve who keeps refusing the reward. A story told in texts, voicemail transcriptions, and, of course, an overuse of emojis.

Reasons why I love it: Aaaah, I love everything about this! The Non-Powered Avengers group chat cleansed my soul, it's so funny. And Steve and Tony's voices especially are so spot on, it feels like I'm really reading their messages. This fic is wonderful, and if you haven't read it yet, then you're definitely missing out!

Collected Letters (1930-1943) by brokentoy, triedunture

Pairing: Steve/Bucky Rating: T Words: 16,654 Tags: PTSD, Roommates, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: The collected private correspondence—unedited, uncensored—of Steven Rogers, later known as Captain America, and his longtime companion, James B. Barnes, spanning the years from childhood to World War II.

Reasons why I love it: This fic just tears at my heartstrings in the most beautiful way. I love how their relationship develops while they're living together, and the glimpses into what their life was like in the 30s and 40s feel so real I can totally believe it's what actually happened in canon. Definitely check this one out if you haven't, it's wonderful!

[fernandoswarcrimes]

Lavender Haze x Neymar JR

The one where the haze is all you feel.

Taglist: @morgan108 @diary-of-jj @shea-theodore @pitchandgrid @yourmom-lmao

Word count: 1.9k

Beta read by: @dyingsoundsnice

To be added to the rest of the series click here -> 🌌

Meet me at Midnight

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don't ever say too much

And you don't really read into

My melancholia

It was a typical Saturday night for you and Neymar, the two of you were laying on the couch staring up at the ceiling as the movie credits rolled on the tv. The two of you could sit in comfortable silence for ages just in each other's presence. He never said too much, or read into how sometimes you liked the silence over talking. It was initially how you met the Brazilian player, at midnight at a park in Paris. You were there trying to clear your head, life had just been giving you the run around lately and nothing seemed to be going right. He had accidently scared you when he sat down on the other end of the bench you were sitting on, because you didn’t think anybody else would be here this late and because you were in the midst of your own pity party and didn’t want this random stranger to bother you or have to listen to your problems.

But when he just sat there, the both of you in silence as you looked at the stars above, seemingly in your own worlds, everything seemed to freeze. You had no idea who he was, which for once was shocking because it seemed like everybody always wanted something from him. Maybe that’s what drew him to you, you didn’t pester him, didn’t ask questions or for pictures or an autograph, you were just in your own little world. “I didn’t figure anybody else would be out this late.” He had said which caught your attention. “Yeah, well, sometimes nature and the stars are all you need.” You replied which pulled a small laugh from him. It was silent for another few minutes before he introduced himself, and you gave him a funny look when he just stared at you as if waiting for some reaction. “Okay?” You didn’t understand what he was expecting. You weren’t inclined to sports in any way, hell, you kept to yourself so much you don’t think you could even name one sports team amongst the different types of sports.

And that’s how something beautiful bloomed.

I been under scrutiny (Yeah, oh, yeah)

You handle it beautifully (Yeah, oh, yeah)

All this shit is new to me (Yeah, oh, yeah)

It was something you weren’t used to but Neymar told you to expect that the second people caught wind of you being linked to him that people were going to start rumors and insert themsleves in the both of you’s relationship. At least he had given you a heads up, which your Instagram was already private, thankfully. You would have deleted social media entirely if you had needed to though. The scrutiny and comments that people were making on twitter, written in articles, and under his comment section were astonishing as they came flooding in. Everything was new to you, you had never had so many people seemingly hating you all because you were dating someone. It suprised you that Ney handled it so well. He told you that it was nothing to worry about, that people would talk. It’s just how things were. He knew how the media and his fans could ruin something good just because they were jealous.

This was something that came along with dating a famous person. And as lovely as Ney is, you were having a very hard time grasping that privacy wasn’t a given anymore. His fans, the media, and what felt like everyone in the world didn’t care that you didn’t want to join him in the limelight. They were going to do or say whatever they wanted. It was a lose-lose situation either way you looked. If you stayed hidden, they’d talk about how you didn’t appreciate Ney. If you were seen together, they’d talk about how you were just using him for your own personal gain. Nothing you did mattered, because someone was always going to have a negative opinion on it. You did it all because if it meant having Neymar, everything would be okay. You finally decided that you weren’t going to be a doormat anymore. You weren’t going to let people dictate your life, your relationship, and your intentions anymore. If they wanted to talk, you’d let them because all they truly wanted to hear was the noise.

I feel

The lavender haze creeping up on me

Surreal

I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal

The 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

It felt so surreal to be with Neymar in private. It was like a bubble surrounded you two that nothing could rupture the peace and tranquility that was reinforcing it. The haze engulfed you both, wishing this feeling could last forever and in your heart you wanted to do whatever it took to make it as long as forever took you. You never grieved over the comments made about you, it would accomplish nothing and the battle wasn’t worth the war. Everyone wanted something from you, a reaction at the very least, just to feed into their fantasy of you being a viscous shark ready to hunt. Their satisfaction never came. They finally realized that there were two options left for you, you were either going to marry their beloved idol or you were going to leave him for the next tantalizing person you could sink your teeth into. What they didn’t account for is that it wasn’t the 50’s anymore and you didn’t want to be married and live someone else’s white picket fence fantasies. You craved to be in the moment with Ney.

It’s all you ever wanted out of him.

All they keep asking me (All they keep asking me)

Is if I'm gonna be your bride

The only kinda girl they see (Only kinda girl they see)

Is a one-night or a wife

Headline after headline, their one question remains the same: Were you going to finally be the one to tie Neymar down for good? They thought they had you right under their fingernail, pinning you down as a fickle flame or a stone strapped to his ankle, keeping him grounded forever. Every single article rolled off of your shoulders because only you and Neymar knew the truth about what you both wanted. Marriage isn’t a sudden thing, and you were in no rush to obtain it. You both were riding the waves of your relationship and if things led there sooner or later, you knew it’d be right because it was natural.

Their are the few fans who respected you and you loved interacting with them and growing friendships from it. Most did appreciate that you made Neymar so, so very happy. It made them elated that he finally seemed to have moved on from Bruna. Then, there were the select few who hated your existence because they wanted to be you. The delusions of those fans who would do anything to be beside the man you loved were wild and crazy, but to some degree you understood. You don’t know how you made it to where you are, but you’re glad you’re where you ended up. You wouldn’t wish anyone else the position you’re in right now, never in your wildest dreams.

I find it dizzying (Yeah, oh, yeah)

They're bringing up my history (Yeah, oh, yeah)

But you weren't even listening (Yeah, oh, yeah)

To be quite honest, as time went on you kept feeling like you weren’t quite cut out for this type of lifestyle. It was dizzying, pretending to be alright while every decision or action you did was scrutinized. Neymar’s fans dug into your history trying to find any ammunition they could use against you. They pried into your past relationships, your home life, where you grew up, where you went to school. This scared you to no end, as you didn’t know of any skeletons in your closet but the complete invasion of privacy had you watching your back everywhere you went. Another thing that had been on your mind lately is all the posts comparing you to Bruna. You were always comfortable in your skin, but you know you’d never be the beautiful Brazilian actress. You saw so many of these and how they claimed that what she shared with Neymar was a once in a lifetime love and that true love always finds its way back to itself. It bothered you to no end, but all you could do is smile and pretend like it didn’t bother you.

If there was one person who could ignore anything happening around them, it would have been Neymar. He never listened to what anyone said about you two and he always tried his best to reassure you that what anyone’s opinions were didn’t matter. What did matter was how you and him felt about each other. All of the voices could scream out, but it still wouldn’t matter. He thought of you as a safe haven, some place he could hide inside, a way out of his chaotic world he created around himself. He didn’t get this often, even when he was home and surrounded by loved ones. He was exhausted, but with you? He felt home. Things were slow, safe, and sound.

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk (Get it off my desk)

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

You’ve hit your limit. The point of no return was moving in together. The hatred, the backlash, the cruelest summer you’ve ever had was when you were with Neymar. Everyone lost their god damned mind over your relationship to the point where you felt the exact same way. They couldn’t believe that the relationship hadn’t fizzled out, that you both were still going strong. All you ever wanted was your relationship to blossom, but every other person in the room wanted it to spiral. You tried, you really did, to brush everything off. To try and follow in Neymar’s direction. It worked for this long, but it seemed like no matter what you both did, nothing would bring this relationship out of the woods.

Rubbing your back, Neymar was trying to ease your mind. “Baby, you know they’re always going to have something else to say, but I’ve told you that all I care about is what you think.” You couldn’t speak, holding back tears that threatened to fall without warning. Facing away from him, you just nod against your pillow as he wrapped his arm around your front and moved closer. The both of you were in your safe space where no one was there to criticize you. You knew that everything couldn’t always be like this, but for the time being, you wished it could last forever. Call it what you want, maybe you were in denial, but you prayed that this would work out. The lavender haze was dissipating quickly and you grasped at it as you realized that the real world was waiting on you to return. You knew when it was time to go, but for now you just wanted to stay exactly where you were, wrapped in the arms of the person you love.

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze…

[girlyliondragon]

Another update, please read, it's really important.

So.. it should be obvious, but multiple people I have or had contact with have learned that I intended to actually commit suicide on this very night through drug overdose.

I wasn't subtle about it, but I also wasn't sure how to go about acknowledging everything I've done to hurt people in a way that wasn't more self-deprecating than it already was since I had no more contact with them. I wasn't given time to calm down and apologize before I was cut out, so I just wrote something and put it in my discord bio, along with the notion that I was going to end everything with it so that nobody would get hurt further by me. I felt like shit and that everything was crashing down, so I figured why not get rid of the problem and hope it's enough of an apology from me in doing it.

The doc is here, feel free to read it if you're someone that was there last night:

In the daytime hours since I put this doc in my bio, friends that I still had came to me worried. Had I not been sleep the entire day, I'd still be pushing to swallow pills and risk potential organ failure or death despite everything. Someone who I won't name unless they want to be has given me a doc on their statement on what happened yesterday. It's not as hurtful as I expected. I guess..

This whole time I was planning, I was (and still kinda am, because brain) so sure people wouldn't miss me, that I was replaceable. I still think that I am and should be. And it really hurt feeling like nobody wanted me around or loved me outside my very small friend group. I had nothing now, and nothing worked, so why not end everything as a final means of escape, right? But after calling my mother, who told me that I need to stop relying on internet people a second time, I need to do something for myself.

Gonna go on a full week hiatus with no social media, this includes discord this time because it's the worst culprit in my mental health.

I'll be logging off of tumblr and discord, mainly so that I don't have the urge to come back here or there.

Twitter will stay the same as it's a private account, and if I am on tumblr it's with me logged off so I can't do anything but look at stuff to calm me down.

I will be at my sis's place for tonight and then at my dad's. I'm gonna pack food and whatnot since she's been waffling apparently. Her words not mine.

Just figured I let people know, so that ya'll can check here if you are wondering where I am. I need to care for myself now more than ever, and many people has tried to talk to me during this night since I was assured to not see anymore days after this. Thank you for caring about me, still caring, to those that have reached out, even if now I'm fighting the urge to tell you not to worry.

I've been so lonely since everything it's made me shut down, I still feel really dead deep down, because I still feel like nobody wants me, but.. yeah... I'm gonna post this and then log out for an entire week.

Thanks for... still having faith in me when I never did, if anyone does...

[finnlongman]

I feel the exact same way about tumblr as public/semi-professional social media! Mine is a side blog as opposed to my weird private blog (which is the main blog), so I don’t mind people finding me there, but I also don’t want to have to professionalize quite so much on tumblr. I like being able to interact with other academic people who *do* prefer a degree of anonymity, and I like being a little silly about my profession. I don’t want to have to worry about networking and putting on the *full* professional face all the time on tumblr. It’s a nice place to be in-between, in a sense

Yeah, I feel that. And technically this is a sideblog too, because it was originally connected to my first Tumblr account. (Which, since I made it in 2011, was rather more Superwholock than is fashionable to admit these days. "Why won't you follow back from your main" – even if I COULD, you wouldn't want me to; hence the dance blog workaround.)

I love the sort of... pseudo-anonymity that goes on with some of the academic networking here. My own field is small enough that if I haven't met people at a conference or something themselves, I *have* met one of their friends or lecturers, but because I never ask their names here, we will never know for sure. One time I saw about three people I follow vagueposting live updates about the same conference; to my knowledge, they didn't know each other IRL, although two were mutuals. It was just very clear from the contents of the posts that yes, they WERE sitting through the same bad talk. Hilarious.

I am, obviously, not anonymous here; as an independent researcher I don't really have anywhere else to talk about my research, so I may as well do it here. But I still feel like I have the freedom to be a bit silly about it, and make jokes about it, even if I'm conscious that sometimes people do believe me about stuff so I need to clearly distinguish the jokes from the legit academic interpretations 😅

I met some of my closest academic friends on Tumblr, but fortunately we migrated to Discord a few years back so everybody else has been spared our constant shenanigans and only gets the highlights, like when we send each other links to bad posts we know someone in the group had the expertise and energy to debunk, or when they convince me to make videos about really specific texts just so they can remember what happens in them.

This is a wildly different relationship to the one I have with academics I've met on Twitter, where it tends to be a more professional interaction – more like chats over coffee at a conference to keep up with what they're researching, except I can't go to conferences very often due to my independent status meaning no funding (and also COVID). So it filled a need that Tumblr doesn't. I love what I have here, but it's a very different vibe.

[elemental1379]

Wall of text incoming but I’m kinda just dumping my initial thoughts on Tumblr:

Honestly, I should have come here much sooner, I like this layout way better than twitter (at least on mobile, pc feels a bit weird). The way everything is presented, the placement of menus and buttons, the advertising feels less intrusive, the whole site just feels a lot more��� refined(?) I was a pinterest guy initially so that might be why I like this layout better but as someone who always just kinda admired tumblr from a distance but never got into it out of lack of any real need to, I can safely say this already feels miles better than twitter for me. A thing I like about discord is it feels very private and cozy, kinda like an agoraphobia or kenophobia type thing, where I can just stick to small or private servers and avoid being active in big ones, but twitter feels like you’re in the middle of a crowd and you have to scream everything into the void, where there’s no sense of privacy or kinda having that space to yourself, at least for me. I think tumblr feels like a good middle ground, closer to the sense of community I get from discord, but still open to new people and outside interaction like twitter, which is good for someone like me who’s more introverted until I get to know people and I like to keep to my own little communities, only really branching out to explore. Lot of text but I’m also discovering tumblr seeming has no character limit like twitter, or at least a much higher one, which fits my style a lot better, as even with discord I find myself wanting to make long posts or dump my thoughts in detail but then deleting my text or not posting at all to avoid flooding chat, and to avoid covering the entire screen. Discord makes it too easy for me to flood chat, twitter has a restrictive character limit, but I think here the posting format fixes both issues for me, so I’m a lot more comfortable doing something like this post.

Anyways, I know that was a lot but I wanted to get it out there both to vent and to explain my takeaway, TLDR tumblr > twitter for me.

[consistantly-changing]

[Image descriptions in order: screenshots of three twitter threads by @/sixthformpoet "sixthformpoet" which say: "one

My dad died. Classic start to a funny story. He was buried in a small village in Sussex. I was really close to my dad so I visited his grave a lot. I still do. (Capitals) [Don't worry, it gets funnier.] (End capitalization.)]

["I always took flowers and my mum visited a lot and she always took flowers and my grandparents were still alive then and they always took flowers. My dad's grave frequently resembled a solid third place at the Chelsea Flower Show.

"Nice but I felt bad for the guy buried next to my dad. He (capitalized) never (end capitalization) had flowers. Died on Christmas Day aged 37, no one left him flowers and now there's a pop-up florist in the grave next door. So I started buying him flowers. (Capitalized) I started buying flowers for a deceased man I'd never met. (End capitalization.)]

["I did this for quite some time, but I never mentioned it to anyone. It was a little private joke with myself, I was making the world a better place one bunch of flowers at a time. I know it sounds weird but I came to think of him as a friend.

"I wondered if there was a hidden connection between us, something secretly drawing me to him. Maybe we went to the same school, played for the same football club or whatever. So I googled his name, and ten seconds later I found him.

"His wife didn't leave him flowers (capitalized) because he'd murdered her. On Christmas Day. (End capitalization), After he murdered his wife, he murdered her parents too. And after that he jumped in front of the only train going through Balcombe tunnel that Christmas night.]

["(Capitalized) That (end capitalization) was why no one ever left him flowers. No one except me, of course. I left him flowers. I left him flowers every couple of weeks. Every couple of weeks (capitalized) for two and a half years. (End capitalization.)

"I felt terrible for his wife and her parents. Now, I wasn't going to leave them flowers every couple of weeks for two and a half years but I did feel like I owed them some sort of apology.

"I found out where they were buried, bought flowers and drove to the cemetery. As I was standing at their graves mumbling apologies, a woman appeared behind me. She wanted to know who I was and why I was leaving flowers for her aunt and grandparents. (Capitalized) Awkward. (End capitalization.)]

["I explained and she said ok that's weird but quite sweet. I said thanks, yes it is a bit weird and oh god (capitalized) I asked her out for a drink (end capitalization.) Incredibly, she said yes. Two years later she said yes again when I asked her to marry me because that is how I met my wife.

[End]".]

["Two

We had two children and last year they said they wanted to go to Disneyland. We saved up and booked it but rather than say sure you want to go to Disneyland let's go to Disneyland, we decided to make them earn it. I told them they needed to raise £3,000.]

[Every time they did something good, I'd add £10. Every time they were naughty, I'd take £10 away. £3,000 and we'd go to Disneyland (capitalized) immediately (end capitalization) so if they did ten good things a day without being naughty they could go in a month. Easy.

"Suddenly they were (capitalized) perfect (end capitalization) children. I'd get home from work and they'd be all how was your day, can we take your coat? I'd say this is nice oh right wait I get it, sure add ten pounds and they'd say ten pounds is that all we said hi, took your coat - (capitalized) sure ok. add sixty pounds (end capitalization)

"The day before we were due to go, they were on £2,950. We were playing frisbee in the park and it landed next to a homeless guy. We went over and said hello. His name was John and he was an artist and he did a (capitalized) very amusing (end capitalization) Kermit The Frog impression.]

["Walking home it became clear my children had never seen a homeless person before. They wanted to know why he had so much stuff. I said he was living there and they said but what about his house and where does he wash and (capitalized) what about his job? (End capitalization)

"I tried to explain homelessness and they were like if he doesn't have any money, you should just give him some. (Capitalized) Christ (end capitalization). I said money doesn't grow on trees and all the spare cash *we* have is taking us Disneyland. (Capitalized) You can see where this is going. (End capitalization)

"We got home and they said they had an announcement to make like they were calling a press conference. They didn't want to spend that £2,950 on Disneyland, they wanted it to pay for that guy to have somewhere to live. (Capitalized) Fucking hell kids we're going in the morning. (End capitalization)]

["I was like ok look it's a really complicated issue and we don't even know him and honestly it's lovely I'm so proud of you but (capitalized) seriously go to bed (end capitalization) we've got an early start. But they were adamant.

"I went back and told him the story and said look I can't cancel Disneyland and I don't have another three grand lying around but we can pay for you to stay in a hostel for a bit. He cried and said no, I cried and said (capitalized) seriously they'll never forgive me. (End capitalization)

"He said ok thank you and I drove him to a hostel and booked him in. We stayed in touch and he came round for Christmas Day. Bless him he brought a cuddly Mickey and Minnie Mouse with him. Lovely - (capitalized) Merry Christmas. (End capitalization)

[End]".]

["Three

I lived next door to a couple called Lucy and Tim. They were both lovely but very different to one another. He was a gregarious (capitalized) get in here and drink champagne with me (end capitalization) type, she was far more reserved.

"Two years ago, completely out of the blue, Tim died. I wend round with some flowers and a card and said look I don't want to intrude, I just want you to know that we're here if you need us. I gave her my number. She didn't use it.

"Not for the first 18 months anyway. Last Christmas we had a million people round for dinner and it was early evening and everyone was a bit drunk. The phone rang - Lucy. She said Matt I've tried to kill myself. (Capitalized) Fuck (end capitalization).]

["I said ok I'm coming over, can you let me in? She said no I've taken pills I can't move but the kitchen door is open. I got someone to call an ambulance and went outside to climb over the fence. In my shorts and t-shirt. On Christmas night.

"It was freezing and starting to rain but anyway. I climbed over the fence, slipped, got covered in mud, grazed my legs (capitalized) but anyway (end capitalization). I went to the kitchen door and let myself in. She was sitting in an armchair with a vacant expression and said Matt am I going to die?

"I said I have no idea tbh what exactly have you done? Pills she said. (Capitalized) Pills and gin (end capitalization). I said ok how many pills? Honest to god she said four. I went (capitalized) four is that all (end capitalization)?! (I mean my clothes were a mess!!) How many gins? She said two large ones. (Capitalized) are you kidding me (end capitalization)?]

["She said I'm not going to die, am I? I said (capitalized) you probably won't even have a hangover you clown (end capitalization). There was a knock at the door - the paramedic. He asks how many pills she's had. She looks at me, arches a brow and says twelve pills. (Capitalized) a lie (end capitalization).

"The paramedic asks how many gins and again Lucy looks at me first, arches a brow and (capitalized) lies through her teeth (end capitalization). Twelve gins, she says. Christ.

"The paramedic caught on and Lucy confessed. It was agreed she would probably survive four ibuprofen and a couple of gins and the paramedic said she could come with me. I took her to my house and introduced her to everyone.]

["Everyone including John, our homeless friend from Part Two, remember? They got along famously and to cut a long story short (capitalized) they just got engaged (end capitalization). Next year they'll get married in the exact same village in which this story began.

[End]".]

I AM ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND AFTER READING THIS PLEASE READ IT

[sunkissedpages]

dirty reflection || th x reader

Summary: fulfilling a long held fantasy with your boyfriend (cockwarming him in front of a mirror)

Warnings: swearing, smut (18+)

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: this was a piece for @honeymoonlover's birthday that i inserted tom into :)

Masterlist

"Tell me!"

“No!”

“Please!”

“No, I’m too embarrassed!”

You turned away from your boyfriend on the couch with your arms folded across your chest in protest. If there was anyone who could get you to spill something it was Tom, but you were determined not to break.

“Please, baby?” he asked again, and walked around to the other side of the sofa so that you could see his big brown eyes.

You squeezed your own eyes shut, as to not let him guilt trip you and shook your head stubbornly. Tom let out a sigh of frustration and you thought that maybe he had given up until you heard him chuckle above you.

“Fine, then I guess we won’t have sex at all.”

“What?”

You opened your eyes again and stared at your boyfriend in disbelief. He smirked.

“You heard me.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re bluffing.”

“No,” he insisted, doubling down. “If you won’t tell me what you want, we won’t have sex until you do.”

“You know what I want! You already know how to make me feel good.”

“I thought I did,” he huffed, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

“You do!”

Tom raised his arms above his head, bringing the hem of his t-shirt up to reveal a small strip of his stomach and the elastic of his Calvin Klein’s. You sucked in a breath and pursed your lips, ignoring the sight before you.

“But not this!”

The this he was referring to was just a silly fantasy of yours, one that you had purposely kept secret because you were embarrassed to admit to wanting something so... filthy. You had never planned to fulfill it- you were more than content to simply imagine the scene playing out when Tom wasn’t home, and use your own hands instead of his to take the edge off. But as of 20 minutes ago that wasn’t an option anymore because your boyfriend had come across your messages with your best friend about that very fantasy.

He hadn’t meant to pry. He had just gotten home from shooting and grabbed your Mac off of the coffee table to check Twitter. You weren’t around, but he always used your computer to scroll through social media anyway so he figured he didn’t need to ask. Your last iMessage conversation with Sloane was still up, and he went to minimize the window when he read his name at the top of one of your blue bubbles. He knew he shouldn’t have been reading your private messages, but he couldn’t stop himself.

s: you should just tell him

y/n: idk how to bring it up

s: it’s not that hard

y/n: would it be weird to ask you to tell him for me?

s: bitch yes

s: i don’t want to talk to your bf about your sex life

y/n: tom knows you though! You could just sneak it into conversation casually yk?

s: i’m not telling him you want to be-

That was as far as he got before you walked back into the room and he slammed the laptop shut in panic, looking like you’d just caught him watching porn- which to be fair, you had done before.

Before you could say anything, or even process what had just happened, Tom flipped it around on you.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Your brain still hadn’t processed the situation so you furrowed your brow in confusion. “I don’t know what you mean-”

“Why are you talking to Sloane about our sex life?” he demanded. It finally clicked. “And what about it is so terrible about it that you don’t want to tell me yourself?”

“There’s nothing terrible about it!” you assured him.

“Then what?” His face was starting to turn red like it did whenever he got worked up. “Have you been faking-”

“No!”

You could feel your face starting to heat up as well at the implication.

“We were just talking about a dumb fantasy of mine, that’s all.”

And that’s what led you to where you were now, staring each other down over the edge of the couch, daring the other to be the first to break. The room was still filled with tension, but there had been a shift in context.

Tom's eyes were dark and nearly unreadable in the dim light of your living room.

“You’re really not going to fuck me until I tell you?” you asked. He nodded again in earnest, and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “But what do I get out of telling you?”

He gave you a look like it should have been obvious. “We’re going to do it.”

You hesitated. “What if you’re not into it?”

He shrugged and brushed off the possibility. “I’m into whatever you’re into.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I promise,” Tom said and pressed a kiss to your lips as if to seal it. “I’m not going to judge whatever it is you want me to do to you. No matter how gross it is.” You scoffed and swatted at him, but he dodged your hand easily.

“I can’t stand you,” you muttered.

“Oh, is that why you’re always kneeling for me?”

“Do you want me to tell you or not?”

The smirk fell from his face as he hastily cleared his throat and beckoned for you to continue.

“You know that mirror we have in our bedroom?” you asked.

Tom nodded, a grin playing at the corner of his mouth as if he had an idea about where this was going.

“I’ve always wanted to cockwarm you while we sit in front of it.”

Your boyfriend was smiling from ear to ear now. He had you right where he wanted you.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“I mean, pretty much, yeah.”

“Pretty much?” The next part you mumbled under your breath. “What was that?” Tom asked, leaning over the couch so that he could hear you.

“Yes,” you bit out and clenched your jaw in a pathetic sort of pout.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he teased, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Okay, get up.”

“What, why?”

“I’ve got some lines to read over. You can keep my cock warm while I do that.”

“Right now?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“It-it is.”

“Then get up.”

You did as you were told and stood up from your spot on the sofa, watching as Tom grabbed the back of one of the kitchen chairs and began dragging it behind him.

“Why-”

“I don’t want to ruin our armchair,” he said as an explanation and jerked his head in the direction of your bedroom, motioning for you to follow him.

The mirror in your bedroom was one of your favorite things in the house. It sat on the floor leaned up against the wall with a large ornate frame encompassing it. It was almost taller than you, and weighed about sixty pounds. Its gold paint was chipping in the corners and it was a bit scuffed up, but it was still the best find you’d ever made at the antique fair and you stood by that. You still remembered carrying it home the day you bought it. Tom had filmed the process instead of helping, watching you struggle with the newspaper-wrapped package through the screen on his phone with a smug grin on his face the entire time.

Tom set the chair on the floor in front of the mirror and began to strip, pulling off his hoodie first before shimmying out of his joggers. You followed in suit by unzipping your skirt and letting it fall to the ground. You stepped out of it and went for your shirt next, yanking it over your head. Your hands went for the clasp of your bra after that before thinking twice.

“Do you want my bra off or-”

He seemed to think about it for a moment before answering. “Leave it on.”

You nodded and dropped your hands back by your side, watching him grab his notebook from the desk and settle on the chair. He was completely naked now, and you were left in just your underwear, a scene you both were intimately familiar with.

He spat into his palm and took his cock in his hand, pumping a few times before you stopped him.

“Let me,” you offered, kneeling on the floor in front of him.

He groaned and handed over his control easily. You grinned to yourself before taking him in your mouth. You knew he’d never pass up an opportunity to have you suck him off.

You worked slowly, taking your time, enjoying the feeling of him getting hard on your tongue. Tom gripped your hair with one hand and clutched his notebook with the other. He fought to keep his eyes open, to keep his head upright. In the mirror he could see the back of your head bobbing up and down on his lap, the expanse of your back, every scar, freckle, and mole he’d seen a thousand times before but now from a different angle.

You hollowed out your cheeks and took him to the back of your throat, trying not to laugh when you heard him curse.

“Stop,” he breathed out, pulling you off of him by your hair. “You’re a menace.”

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and smiled. “Thank you.”

He glared at you for a moment before flicking his gaze downwards.

“I’d ask if you want me to return the favor, but I don’t think I need to.” He reached out to prove his point and brushed a couple fingers over your panties, ignoring the way you trembled as he did. He held his hand up to you to show you the wetness gathered on his pointer and index before bringing them to his lips and sucking it off. “You’re plenty wet already.”

You suppressed a moan and pursed your lips, nodding in agreement.

Tom didn’t have to say anything for you to know what he wanted next. You slipped out of your panties and tossed them to the side. He wrapped an arm around your waist as you straddled him and lined yourself up. You both sighed as you sank down onto his cock. He kissed you deeply, winding a hand through hair and moaning your name. You let your head rest against his shoulder and tried not to rock your hips forward. Your boyfriend was having similar issues, hips stuttering underneath you, head falling back in pleasure.

“T-tommy,” you gasped.

“Don’t,” he warned through gritted teeth. You clenched around him involuntarily and whined. “What did I just say?”

“Sorry, can’t help it.”

He took a deep breath and began flipping through the pages of his notebook. You craned your neck to look back at your reflection in the mirror, smiling weakly at the sight. Tom had an arm slung loosely around your waist still. His cheeks were rosy and warm to the touch. Your ass was on full display at this angle, but you didn’t mind. You knew it was your boyfriend’s favorite view anyway, and you weren’t ashamed to admit that you could see why.

The way you were seated on his lap made it look like you could have just been cuddling. The reflection didn’t show Tom's cock buried deep inside your pussy and your breathing had slowed to somewhat of a normal pace.

Tom began to recite his lines to himself and you turned your attention back to him, admiring how he looked while he was concentrating. His eyelashes were so fucking long, it was something you had always been jealous of. The light filtering into the room made them look blond...

You were doing so good. You were relaxing comfortably, lost in your own thoughts, when Tom moved for the first time. He was just scratching his ankle, but the sudden movement made you yelp.

“Don’t do that!” you cried.

“What, this?” he asked and bent down to scratch his ankle again.

“Yes, that,” you growled.

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“What about this?”

He leaned back and stretched his arms above his head.

“That’s worse!” you hissed.

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not.” He just shrugged and tossed his notebook on the bed. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Could use a break,” he replied simply, “and it’s hard to focus with distractions.”

The last part was pointed at you and you narrowed your eyes.

“I have been perfectly still.”

“Yeah, but your... impatience is, well, physical.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re soaking, love.”

You looked down at Tom's lap and suddenly realized what he meant. Your arousal was quite literally dripping onto his thighs and the chair beneath you. That was why he didn’t want to use the armchair. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment and buried your head in your boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!”

He chuckled and rubbed a hand up and down your back comfortingly. “Don’t be! I know you can’t help it, and it’s honestly really fucking hot.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No,” he promised and shook his head adamantly. “I like that I have this effect on you.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.”

“I know.”

“So this fantasy of yours,” he said, clearing his throat. “How does it end?"

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“You.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What about me?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I get to pick how it ends?”

“Mhm. I usually leave it up to the imagination so it’s open-ended.”

“You mean when you masturbate to it you cum before it ends so you lose interest?” Tom clarified.

“Maybe.”

“I know you,” he said cockily.

“And like I said, you know what I like.”

“I like to think I do.”

“So tell me what to do.”

“You just like being bossed around.”

“And what about it?”

“Brat,” he spat.

“Bitch.”

Tom smiled and jerked his hips the slightest bit, making you whimper. “Stand up.”

You tried not to show your disappointment, but did as you were told and stood up, wincing at the empty feeling that followed.

“Just for a minute, baby,” he assured you. “Turn around.”

You turned so that you were facing the mirror and let yourself be pulled back onto your boyfriend’s lap. He slid his cock back inside of you almost immediately and praised you for taking it so well.

“I thought you should see yourself,” he whispered against your shoulder.

You moaned, only able to nod in agreement. You were positioned at a bit of an angle now since you were facing forward, but any discomfort you felt evaporated when Tom kissed the back of your neck. He unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor.

“Look at you,” he murmured as he urged you to start riding him, “fucking yourself on my cock like a slut.”

“Fuck, Tom.”

You forced yourself to look at your reflection, straining your neck so that you could see clearly. You made eye contact with yourself only to see a stranger stared back at you. The person in the mirror looked like a fucking pornstar, tits out, legs spread, but also fucked out of their mind.

“Feels so good,” you panted.

“I know, baby, I know.”

Tom brought a hand down to your clit and started to rub in circular motions, a clue that he was getting close. Your legs were shaking at this point and you could feel your own orgasm starting to creep up on you as he slammed into you from behind.

“You look so fucking hot like this,” Tom grunted.

You met his eyes in the reflection and gave a weak smile. “I know.”

“Fuck, y/n!” He came suddenly with a moan of your name. You watched in the mirror as his eyes screwed up and his whole body tensed underneath you.

“Can I- can I cum?” you begged, not even sure if you’d be able to hold out if he said no.

A mere nod of his head was all it took for you to tip over the edge. Tom weakly fucked you through it, still riding the end of his own high.

“So good for me,” he managed in broken breaths.

You arched your back against his chest as you came, mumbling profanities the entire time. You tried to keep your eyes open to watch yourself fall apart, but you only caught glimpses.

You collapsed back against Tom as the aftershocks of your orgasm subsided, gasping for breath like you had just finished running a marathon.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Tom wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, kissing the top of your head gently. You were both covered in sweat and cum, but neither of you could find the energy to care.

“Of course.”

You let yourself relax against his body for another moment, observing your reflections in the mirror. Your hair was a tangled mess, but so was Tom's. Hickeys were already beginning to bloom on your neck and shoulders, reminders to follow you in the days ahead.

Your eyes wandered up to meet your boyfriend’s, who was already gazing at you tenderly. You shared a brief look and smirked at each other.

“Round two?”

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

[sluttywonwoo]

dirty reflection || hvc x reader

Summary: fulfilling a long held fantasy with your boyfriend (cockwarming him in front of a mirror)

Warnings: swearing, smut (18+)

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: this is for @junsol happy birthday tiff!!

Masterlist

“Tell me!”

“No!”

“Please!”

“No, I’m too embarrassed!”

You turned away from your boyfriend on the couch with your arms folded across your chest in protest. If there was anyone who could get you to spill something it was Vernon, but you were determined not to break.

“Please, baby?” he asked again, and walked around to the other side of the sofa so that you could see his big brown eyes.

You squeezed your own eyes shut, as to not let him guilt trip you and shook your head stubbornly. Vernon let out a sigh of frustration and you thought that maybe he had given up until you heard him chuckle above you.

“Fine, then I guess we won’t have sex at all.”

“What?”

You opened your eyes again and stared at your boyfriend in disbelief. He smirked.

“You heard me.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re bluffing.”

“No,” he insisted, doubling down. “If you won’t tell me what you want, we won’t have sex until you do.”

“You know what I want! You already know how to make me feel good.”

“I thought I did,” he huffed, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout.

“You do!”

Vernon raised his arms above his head, bringing the hem of his t-shirt up to reveal a small strip of his stomach and the elastic of his Calvin Klein’s. You sucked in a breath and pursed your lips, ignoring the sight before you.

“But not this!”

The this he was referring to was just a silly fantasy of yours, one that you had purposely kept secret because you were embarrassed to admit to wanting something so... filthy. You had never planned to fulfill it- you were more than content to simply imagine the scene playing out when Vernon wasn’t home, and use your own hands instead of his to take the edge off. But as of 20 minutes ago that wasn’t an option anymore because your boyfriend had come across your messages with your best friend about that very fantasy.

He hadn’t meant to pry. He had just gotten home from rehearsal and grabbed your Mac off of the coffee table to check Twitter. You weren’t around, but he always used your computer to scroll through social media anyway so he figured he didn’t need to ask. Your last iMessage conversation with Sloane was still up, and he went to minimize the window when he read his name at the top of one of your blue bubbles. He knew he shouldn’t have been reading your private messages, but he couldn’t stop himself.

s: you should just tell him

y/n: idk how to bring it up

s: it’s not that hard

y/n: would it be weird to ask you to tell him for me?

s: bitch yes

s: I don’t want to talk to your bf about your sex life

y/n: vernon knows you though! You could just sneak it into conversation casually yk?

s: i’m not telling him you want to be-

That was as far as he got before you walked back into the room and he slammed the laptop shut in panic, looking like you’d just caught him watching porn- which to be fair, you had done a number of times before.

Before you could say anything, or even process what had just happened, Vernon flipped it around on you.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

Your brain still hadn’t processed the situation so you furrowed your brow in confusion. “I don’t know what you mean-”

“Why are you talking to Sloane about our sex life?” he demanded. It finally clicked. “And what about it is so terrible about it that you don’t want to tell me yourself?”

“There’s nothing terrible about it!” you assured him.

“Then what?” His face was starting to turn red like it did whenever he got worked up. “Have you been faking-”

“No!" You could feel your face starting to heat up as well at the implication. “We were just talking about a dumb fantasy of mine, that’s all.”

And that’s what led you to where you were now, staring each other down over the edge of the couch, daring the other to be the first to break. The room was still filled with tension, but there had been a shift in context.

Vernon’s eyes were dark and nearly unreadable in the dim light of your living room.

“You’re really not going to fuck me until I tell you?” you asked. He nodded again in earnest, and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “But what do I get out of telling you?”

He gave you a look like it should have been obvious. “We’re going to do it.”

You hesitated. “What if you’re not into it?”

He shrugged and brushed off the possibility. “I’m into whatever you’re into.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I promise,” Vernon said and pressed a kiss to your lips as if to seal it. “I’m not going to judge whatever it is you want me to do to you. No matter how gross it is.”

You scoffed and swatted at him, but he dodged your hand easily.

“I can’t stand you,” you muttered.

“Oh, is that why you’re always kneeling for me?”

“Do you want me to tell you or not?”

The smirk fell from his face as he hastily cleared his throat and beckoned for you to continue.

“You know that mirror we have in our bedroom?” you asked.

Vernon nodded, a grin playing at the corner of his mouth as if he had an idea about where this was going.

“I’ve always wanted to cockwarm you while we sit in front of it.”

Your boyfriend was smiling from ear to ear now. He had you right where he wanted you.

“Is that all?” he asked.

“I mean, pretty much, yeah.”

“Pretty much?” The next part you mumbled under your breath. “What was that?” Vernon asked, leaning over the couch so that he could hear you.

“Yes,” you bit out and clenched your jaw in a pathetic sort of pout.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he teased, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Okay, get up.”

“What, why?”

“I’ve got some lyrics to work over. You can keep my cock warm while I do that.”

“Right now?”

“I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“It-it is.”

“Then get up.”

You did as you were told and stood up from your spot on the sofa, watching as Vernon grabbed the back of one of the kitchen chairs and began dragging it behind him.

“Why-”

“I don’t want to ruin our armchair,” he said as an explanation and jerked his head in the direction of your bedroom, motioning for you to follow him.

The mirror in your bedroom was one of your favorite things in the house. It sat on the floor leaned up against the wall with a large ornate frame encompassing it. It was almost taller than you, and weighed about sixty pounds. Its gold paint was chipping in the corners and it was a bit scuffed up, but it was still the best find you’d ever made at the antique fair and you stood by that. You still remembered carrying it home the day you bought it. Vernon had filmed the process instead of helping, watching you struggle with the newspaper-wrapped package through the screen on his phone with a smug grin on his face the entire time.

Vernon set the chair on the floor in front of the mirror and began to strip, pulling off his hoodie first before shimmying out of his joggers. You followed in suit by unzipping your skirt and letting it fall to the ground. You stepped out of it and went for your shirt next, yanking it over your head. Your hands went for the clasp of your bra after that before thinking twice.

“Do you want my bra off or-”

He seemed to think about it for a moment before answering. “Leave it on.”

You nodded and dropped your hands back by your side, watching him grab his notebook from the desk and settle on the chair. He was completely naked now, and you were left in just your underwear, a scene you both were intimately familiar with.

He spat into his palm and took his cock in his hand, pumping a few times before you stopped him.

“Let me,” you offered, kneeling on the floor in front of him.

He groaned and handed over control easily. You grinned to yourself before taking him in your mouth. You knew he’d never pass up an opportunity to have you suck him off.

You worked slowly, taking your time, enjoying the feeling of him getting hard on your tongue. Vernon gripped your hair with one hand and clutched his notebook with the other. He fought to keep his eyes open, to keep his head upright. In the mirror he could see the back of your head bobbing up and down on his lap, the expanse of your back, every scar, freckle, and mole he’d seen a thousand times before but now from a different angle.

You hollowed out your cheeks and took him to the back of your throat, trying not to laugh when you heard him curse.

“Stop,” he breathed out, pulling you off of him by your hair. “You’re a menace.”

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and smiled. “Thank you.”

He glared at you for a moment before flicking his gaze downwards.

“I’d ask if you want me to return the favor, but I don’t think I need to.” He reached out to prove his point and brushed a couple fingers over your panties, ignoring the way you trembled as he did. He held his hand up to you to show you the wetness gathered on his pointer and index before bringing them to his lips and sucking it off. “You’re plenty wet already.”

You suppressed a moan and pursed your lips, nodding in agreement.

Vernon didn’t have to say anything for you to know what he wanted next. You slipped out of your panties and tossed them to the side. He wrapped an arm around your waist as you straddled him and lined yourself up. You both sighed as you sank down onto his cock. He kissed you deeply, winding a hand through hair and moaning your name. You let your head rest against his shoulder and tried not to rock your hips forward. Your boyfriend was having similar issues, hips stuttering underneath you, head falling back in pleasure.

“H-hansol,” you gasped.

“Don’t,” he warned through gritted teeth. You clenched around him involuntarily and whined. “What did I just say?”

“Sorry, can’t help it.”

He took a deep breath and began flipping through the pages of his notebook. You craned your neck to look back at your reflection in the mirror, smiling weakly at the sight. Vernon had an arm slung loosely around your waist still. His cheeks were rosy and warm to the touch. Your ass was on full display at this angle, but you didn’t mind. You knew it was your boyfriend’s favorite view anyway, and you weren’t ashamed to admit that you could see why.

The way you were seated on his lap made it look like you could have just been cuddling. The reflection didn’t show Vernon’s cock buried deep inside your pussy and your breathing had slowed to somewhat of a normal pace.

Vernon began to hum to himself and you turned your attention back to him, admiring how he looked while he was concentrating. His eyelashes were so fucking long, it was something you had always been jealous of. The light filtering into the room made them look blond and you thought back to all of the colors he had dyed his hair before.

It was brown now, with remnants of the previous black still fading, but he had gone blond once before. You still remembered how shocked you had been when he came home from the salon that day.

You were doing so good. You were relaxing comfortably, lost in your own thoughts, when Vernon moved for the first time. He was just scratching his ankle, but the sudden movement made you yelp.

“Don’t do that!” you cried.

“What, this?” he asked and bent down to scratch his ankle again.

“Yes, that,” you growled.

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“What about this?”

He leaned back and stretched his arms above his head.

“That’s worse!” you hissed.

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not.” He just shrugged and tossed his notebook on the bed. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“Could use a break,” he replied simply, “and it’s hard to focus with distractions.”

The last part was pointed at you and you narrowed your eyes.

“I have been perfectly still.”

“Yeah, but your... impatience is, well, physical.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re soaking, love.”

You looked down at Vernon’s lap and suddenly realized what he meant. Your arousal was quite literally dripping onto his thighs and the chair beneath you. That was why he didn’t want to use the armchair. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment and buried your head in your boyfriend’s shoulder.

“Fuck, I’m sorry!”

He chuckled and rubbed a hand up and down your back comfortingly. “Don’t be! I know you can’t help it, and it’s honestly really fucking hot.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No,” he promised and shook his head adamantly. “I like that I have this effect on you.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.”

“I know.”

“So this fantasy of yours,” he said, clearing his throat. “How does it end?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“You.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What about me?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I get to pick how it ends?”

“Mhm. I usually leave it up to the imagination so it’s open-ended.”

“You mean when you masturbate to it you cum before it ends so you lose interest?” Vernon clarified.

“Maybe.”

“I know you,” he said cockily.

“And like I said, you know what I like.”

“I like to think I do.”

“So tell me what to do.”

“You just like being bossed around.”

“And what about it?”

“Brat,” he spat.

“Bitch.”

Vernon smiled and jerked his hips the slightest bit, making you whimper. “Stand up.”

You tried not to show your disappointment, but did as you were told and stood up, wincing at the empty feeling that followed.

“Just for a minute, baby,” he assured you. “Turn around.”

You turned so that you were facing the mirror and let yourself be pulled back onto your boyfriend’s lap. He slid his cock back inside of you almost immediately and praised you for taking it so well.

“I thought you should see yourself,” he whispered against your shoulder.

You moaned, only able to nod in agreement. You were positioned at a bit of an angle now since you were facing forward, but any discomfort you felt evaporated when Hansol kissed the back of your neck. He unclasped your bra and let it fall to the floor.

“Look at you,” he murmured as he urged you to start riding him, “fucking yourself on my cock like a slut.”

“Fuck, Hansol.”

You forced yourself to look at your reflection, straining your neck so that you could see clearly. You made eye contact with yourself only to see a stranger stared back at you. The person in the mirror looked like a fucking pornstar, tits out, legs spread, but also fucked out of their mind.

“Feels so good,” you panted.

“I know, baby, I know.”

Vernon brought a hand down to your clit and started to rub in circular motions, a clue that he was getting close. Your legs were shaking at this point and you could feel your own orgasm starting to creep up on you as he slammed into you from behind.

“You look so fucking hot like this,” Vernon grunted.

You met his eyes in the reflection and gave a weak smile. “I know.”

“Fuck, y/n!” He came suddenly with a moan of your name. You watched in the mirror as his eyes screwed up and his whole body tensed underneath you.

“Can I- can I cum?” you begged, not even sure if you’d be able to hold out if he said no.

A mere nod of his head was all it took for you to tip over the edge. Vernon weakly fucked you through it, still riding the end of his own high.

“So good for me,” he managed in broken breaths.

You arched your back against his chest as you came, mumbling profanities the entire time. You tried to keep your eyes open to watch yourself fall apart, but you only caught glimpses.

You collapsed back against Vernon as the aftershocks of your orgasm subsided, gasping for breath like you had just finished running a marathon.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Vernon wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, kissing the top of your head gently. You were both covered in sweat and cum, but neither of you could find the energy to care.

“Of course.”

You let yourself relax against his body for another moment, observing your reflections in the mirror. Your hair was a tangled mess, but so was Vernon’s. Hickeys were already beginning to bloom on your neck and shoulders, reminders to follow you in the days ahead.

Your eyes wandered up to meet your boyfriend’s, who was already gazing at you tenderly. You shared a brief look and smirked at each other.

“Round two?”

happy birthday again tiff!! love u, mean it <3 (lmk what you thought i always appreciate feedback)

shoot me an ask if you'd like to be added to my taglist

[lawyerkin]

i was looking back at some things and i feel like sharing it but this is about eating disorders and bad experiences with a community so i'm putting it under read more so ppl dont read it by accident

so. i had an twitter i used with a pseudonym that wasn't linked to my main account so my friends wouldn't find it, and if they did they wouldn't know it was me, that i used to post about whatever i felt like i should post that would be seen by people with a similar kind of account (exclusively for edtwt, not their main) therefore even if my posts were retweeted or interacted with it would never leave that bubble

this allowed me to talk about things i couldn't talk to my friends or anyone, really, because eating disorders is a very sensitive topic and i didn't want to inconvenience my friends or accidentally say something that would be harmful

i curated my mutuals so i'd only interact with people with opinions similar to mine that were there to freely share their experiences in a neutral way, free of judgment, and blocked people who would post stuff encouraging others to "get worse" and said blatantly fatphobic things

in 2021 i became really physically ill because of many factors such as drug abuse and extreme "dieting" and my chronic illnesses, and it got to a point where i was SO bad i was in a hospital bed all day and night and couldn't even hold my head up and breathing hurt me and it fucked my body up so bad i was unable to walk for over a year even after i got much better (i still struggle with exercising and have low mobility because of it)

during that time i posted pictures of me to my then private edtwt account with very few followers i had handpicked (after my first acc got suspended i decided i'd keep my circle as small as possible) talking about how awful things were, and someone saved my pictures and later made one of those thinspo threads except it was "deathspo" instead.

the threads that went around went from thinspo to deathspo, with the former being the most socially accepted desirable conventionally attractive look. the mid point was called bonespo and is what most ppl aspired to look like: very underweight with bones showing through the skin but still aesthetically pleasing and considered normal.

and deathspo were pictures of people whose muscles were basically nonexistent and had what seemed to be zero fat in their body and most people agreed that it looked "gross" and made them uneasy, but the point of those threads was to motivate people to starve themselves as much as those people with deathspo bodies did.

when i saw my pictures in a deathspo thread i felt so unexplainably awful but i also felt like i had finally accomplished something i had been wanting for several years. at that point i was under constant medical care because i weighed under 30kg and my health was so absolutely decimated they couldn't even safely feed me vitamins because of something called refeeding syndrome and i was pretty much at risk of having heart failure at any moment. but i felt like maybe it had all been worth it because i got to my "ugw" and my mutual used my picture in a "look at these gross people, starve yourself like they did ^---^" inspirational post and then i realized how insane it is that that felt like a positive thing for me

i asked the person to take it down because i didnt want to be in someone's hidden folder in their gallery for years to come and inspire them to consciously destroy their health and well being, even if not to an extreme like i did and deactivated my account and started talking to my friends about my experiences instead and bubble, who also struggled with eds at the same time i did but never let it get that bad, said she'd do whatever it takes to get me to back to good health and we'd get over it together and we didn't need help from a community full of people who'll backstab you and cross every boundary you could set up for their own amusement + getting a few retweets

yk. when i first found out about edtwt back in 2020 i was really excited about having a place to connect with people who struggled with the same things i did and being able to share my experiences without risking judgment from people who don't understand it. but it turned out they were all just a bunch of fatphobic bullies with a bachelors degree in spreading misinformation

[mikadokyun]

I tried writing a thread like this on Twitter but i really didn’t like the format so i decided to write it here.

WHY I LIKE IZAMIKA

There are many reasons, but here are some that popped up in my mind:

1. Their respect on each other

Izaya is interested in Mikado. While Mikado is fascinated by Izaya. If they got together, Izaya would possibly never be bored (there are occasions where he thinks that no matter which path Mikado chooses, it’d be entertaining), and in turn, being with Izaya would let Mikado truly experience the extraordinary life he craves so much.

Also, it is debatable if Izaya 100% manipulated Mikado (he for sure did, but i don’t know if for 100% due to Mikado’s nature) but even after the events in the end, they seemingly talk with each other through chat and Mikado didn’t even mind that much when he found out about Izaya’s past with Kida. Izaya also holds respect for Mikado, even saying/thinking so in the phone call scene. I really like how he admires Mikado towards the end too.

2. Chemistry

I just honestly think they have chemistry. They work with each other a lot in the private chat too. 

3. Their scenes are full of dialogues, making it a pretty deep relationship

This is not so apparent with the anime as it is in the books, but their interactions are mostly dialogue-based as opposed to action-based and to some extent, based on descriptions how they feel like in the scenes and also metaphors. It’s especially clear with the phone call scene, with Izaya’s emotions being described many times throughout the scene and the scene having many metaphors included. Like how Izaya’s eyes sparkled like he had received a package he really wanted when Mikado impresses him. 

4. Humanity = Mikado

Do i need to say anything about this? Izaya thinks Mikado is the humanity itself and very much human. If that’s not one thing to love the ship, there’s none.

5. Height gap

I like how it’s not too big but not too small either.

6. Great scenes in general

Related to the third point, but i just loooove all the scenes with them, especially in the books. Like i said earlier, they are very dialogue-based so they’re so fun to read through. 

(extra)

Their relationship connected to Aoba is the best. I really love the dynamics of the characters, how Aoba dislikes Izaya because he is trying to manipulate Mikado and Mikado not noticing. It’s highly debatable if Izaya dislikes Aoba too for this specifically but i think he sounds pretty annoyed at some scenes.