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tojistip · 7 months ago

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The Doctor's Little Assistant.

ft. dottore !

sypnosis ; dottore rewards you for your hard efforts.

warnings ; top ! dottore , dottore is a warning himself , face fucking , power dynamics , boss n assistant relationships , degradation , slight praise , facials , light face slapping , lowkey rushed no bullying :'3

wc ; 1.6k. enjoy !!

Dottore's personal assistant.

You're the only one allowed inside his lab, outside of his clones and his disgusting little lab-rats of course. You're one of the only ones he actually tolerates. You're always so good for him, tidying up his mess of an office when he doesn't ask and always bringing him extra coffee when you know he's running low on it.

He's almost certain he's not gonna kill you off like the others, he likes you.

He likes the way you immediately oblige like you even had a choice when he asks to experiment on you. "I'd be happy to, my lord." You say, giving him a smile and a nod. He knows that you're scared beneath your little act, he can just sense it, and he loves it. He gets off on your pain and fear, and he finds it amusing when you try to hold back your wails of pain.

Dottore especially loves when you start to let tears run down your face because of how much it hurts. You're left trembling, sniffling every couple seconds as he unstraps you from the vivisection table, but you would be lying if you said there wasn't a part of you that secretly enjoys it. He's a sick and twisted sadist, and you like it.

He thinks you're so pretty with your tear stained face and ruined makeup. He just shakes his head when you complain about it as if you weren't the one crying.

Maybe if you had let him remove your tear glands and ducts it wouldn't be an issue.

Dottore brings you to the fatui meetings too, he knows it's not allowed but he could care less. when Pierro reminds him that, "Anyone who isn't apart of the ranks, is strictly not allowed into the meetings." Dottore ignores him, and he keeps you right by his side, and when he can see your legs getting tired, he orders you to sit on his lap. He doesn't care when you get embarrassed, and he certainly doesn't care that his co-workers look at you two either, his sadistic smile only grows larger.

"You've been a very obedient girl as of recent, haven't you." It was an observation, but you still nod your head as if he just asked you a question while you try to avoid looking at his face. "Stupid little thing. Look at me when I talk to you." Dottore growls. He grabs your jaw with a vice like grip to make you look up at him and even though you can't see his eyes, you can still feel them on you. It feels like all the air has been knocked out of your lungs and you're quick to mutter out an apology. "Of course, my lord.. 'm sorry."

"Good girl." He praises as he pulls his gloved hand away from your jaw. "I'd say an award is in order, hm?" He says as he starts walking over to a swivel chair that's behind you. You want to follow him but in fear of being disobedient, you stay frozen in place. As he sits down, he calls out your name and you're quick to turn around to face him.

"Crawl to me."

You stand there for a moment, processing his words, feeling the heat slowly creeping into your cheeks. "Yes, my lord," you manage to spit out. Despite the embarrassment, you comply, dropping to your knees and then shifting onto all fours, moving toward him as instructed. Each movement is deliberate, the anticipation building with every inch closer to him. Finally, you find yourself between his legs, facing him on your knees, your heart pounding in your chest.

As you settle between Dottore's legs, your heart begins to race due to anticipation. You can feel his gaze piercing through you and it sends shivers down your entire body as you wait for his next command.

Dottore smirks, relishing in the control he holds over you. "Always so good," he murmurs, his voice laced with dark amusement. "You know exactly how to please me." You lower your gaze, feeling the weight of his words like chains around your neck. "Thank you, my lord," you mumble obediently, your voice barely above a whisper.

His smirk only widens as he looks down at you, reveling in the power he holds. His gloved hand reaches out, fingers curling under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. The leather feels cold and unyielding against your skin. "You look good on your knees," he muses, his tone dripping with sadistic undertones. "Maybe I should make you my desk pet."

You whine and swallow hard at the suggestion, feeling a mix of fear and excitement coil in your belly. "Please," you whisper, your voice trembling slightly and truthfully you don't even know what you're asking for. The way he looks down upon you, like he knows you're inferior to him, sends shivers down your spine.

He releases your chin and leans back in his chair, spreading his legs slightly to give you more room. "You know what to do," he commands, his voice cold and demanding. "Show me how compliant you really are, love."

Oh fuck.

The pet name almost kills you and it makes your breath hitch. You nod anyway, reaching up with shaky hands to unbuckle his belt. You can feel Dottore watching you as you do so and you can feel your face burning with embarrassment. But you push through, determined to please him.

As you pull down his trousers, you're met with the sight of his cock straining against his boxers. it sends a jolt of arousal through you, and you can't let out a soft moan at the sight. Dottore's chuckle is low and menacing, his hand coming to rest on the back of your head. "Come on," he urges, his voice low and almost taunting. "You know better than to keep me waiting."

You comply and pulling down his boxers, freeing his cock and you can't take your eyes off of it. You lean in, pressing a tentative kiss to the tip and licking a long stripe up the side. Dottore's grip on your hair tightens, and he lets out a breath of approval. "Good girl," he murmurs. "Now take me in your mouth,"

You comply almost instantly. You open your mouth, taking his cock in slowly with your tongue swirling around the tip. Him in general but especially the taste of him is intoxicating, and you can feel the heat between your legs growing with each passing second. You hollow your cheeks, taking him deeper, and his low groan of pleasure spurs you on.

Dottore's other hand joins the first, holding your head steady as you bob up and down. "Such a whore," he degrades, his voice laced with arousal. "You take me so well. You were made for this, weren't you?"

You moan around his cock, the vibrations making him hiss. His voice and his words a thrill through you, and you try taking him deeper into your mouth, wanting nothing more than to please him. Your pace quickens, your movements becoming more desperate as you lose yourself in the task.

Dottore's grip tightens painfully, and he thrusts his hips up, forcing himself deeper into your throat. "This is what you wanted, hm." He says, and though it was a statement, you still try to nod your head stupidly. In the process you gag, tears springing to your eyes, but you don't stop and neither does he. "That's right, gag on it." His groans grow louder, his breathing becoming more ragged. "You're so pathetic."

Your eyes water as you look up at him, the tears only serving to heighten his pleasure as he loves to see you cry. He smirks down at you, his thumb brushing away a tear that escapes down your cheek. "Pretty little thing.." He murmurs. "Take it, take it deeper."

He holds you there for a moment longer before finally releasing your head. You pull back, gasping for air, your lips swollen and wet with saliva. His chest is heaving up and down while you wrap your hands around the length of his cock. "I'm gonna cum," he groans, "Gonna paint your pretty face."

Dottore pries your hands away from his cock and begins to stroke himself. You whine at the sight in front of you. "Please," you breathe out. He scoffs in amusement before slapping the tip of his cock on your cheek. "Open your mouth."

You instantly obey, looking up at him and sticking your tongue out. You're gross and messy right now but you know he likes seeing you ruined, especially if he's the cause. You're watching him stroke his cock from above you, pressing his thumb to the swollen and leaking tip.

Your needy whines must've been just what Dottore needed to drive him over the edge. He groans as he reaches his climax and his free hand reaches for your jaw with a tight grip to hold you in place. Thick ropes of cum soon cover not only your chest, but your face and tongue as well. You keep your mouth open in an attempt and in hope to catch more of his cum on your tongue.

As soon as he comes down from his high, his hand comes down to slap your cheek and command you to swallow the bits that landed in your mouth. You oblige. He takes one more good look at you before tucking himself back into his boxers and pulling his pants up. "Clean yourself up." He spits coldly, and you nod. "Yes, my lord."

"When you're done, there's some paperwork I need you to get from The Regrator's office. Once you get it, bring it back here and I'll reward you once more."

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phoenixcatch7 · 2 months ago

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Deep in my ff7 rereads so here are my favourite fandom fics, hands down.

End as you mean to begin <- 130k+ of time travelling cloud parenting the remnants, seeking asylum in a war torn wutai to keep all four of them out of shinras hands while sephiroth is absolutely Going Through It in midgar. Great Genesis characterisation and cloud mothering his way to an international incident. Bonus gender hijinks, hilarious misunderstandings and zack. Unfinished.

The fear of falling stars <- 500k+ and soon to be completed. Cloud and insane!Sephiroth time travel back to their shinra days and I cannot emphasise enough how much cloud is Not Doing Well. Gorgeous wordplay and top tier banter. Utterly unhinged blood enemies to ??? to ?????? to lovers sefikura. It's E rated and probably the tensest I've ever been reading fic lol, it is not lighthearted! But it's incredibly well written and the characters are phenomenal (zack my beloved) so if you've got strong nerves (and like a quarantine pairing) I'd definitely recommend it.

Voice of the gods <- 170k+ of almost idyllic gods and avatars au. Slow, soft and full of world building, it's a lovely relaxing read of cloud getting anointed the envoy of sephiroth, god of war, and slowly growing into his role and joining the ranks of envoy. Lots of side characters take larger roles here, and sephiroth himself is a darling without losing his sharpest edges. Unfinished.

I CAN FIX HIM (series) <- possibly my favourite sephiroth characterisations ever. 130k and growing of pure shaking this man like a doll in a perfect mix of almost delirious crack and gutting angst (often both at once!). Very good writing, every single funny moment hits like a truck and keeps building until you're choking with laughter. Bonus points to ROADTRIP! for being utterly, utterly insane. I cannot emphasise enough just how GOOD every single character and their dynamics are written.

Just anything ff7 written by AimeeLouWrites, if you've been in this fandom for any length of time you'll have heard of her. Great concepts, great executions and aus for DAYS.

Five hearts to make him whole <- 130k+ of time/dimension travelling cloud getting sent to a world of soulmates - and his alternate self bagged all four soldier firsts. Alternate cloud also died violently a few years ago and boy did those soulmates (not) take it well. Our cloud, of course, was not read in on any of this. Shout out to the emotional support chocobo! Unfinished?

Shall I find rest <- another soulmate agszc (?) dimension cross but this one is 100k+ of post AC cloud and Tifa waking up and deciding to make it everyone else's problem. They're so done with all the drama. Bamf nibel duo to the end and Tifa is the mvp. Unfinished.

Advanced release <- 250k+ and it's sephiroth receiving the original game in a strange packet that appeared in his room. It spirals into a messy and painful exposure of conspiracy, lies and inevitable tragedy. Video game logic is a running gag and zack remains the only actually stable person in the whole sorry mess but he's also Having a Terrible Experience. Really well written!!! Unfinished.

On broken wings <- 160k+ of pure post AC sephiroth redemption from his pov. Him struggling to find his place in a new world and experience real human connection evolves into MOOGLE EMBASSY need I say more?? Unfinished.

With Great Power Comes Meddling Fucking Gods <- 470k+! Poly WEAPON cloud gets yoinked back to the past (feat agzs), dies for a few days and misses his family SO bad but he is determined to change the future for the better. Probably the most healthy and mature cloud ever lol. Unfortunately for him, insane!sephiroth is pulling a inner hollow and gaia herself isn't talking. If you like symbolism, whoo boy!! The dream sequences are a DOOZY (and drowning in eroticism). Wonderfully written, the divide between sane!sephiroth and his counterpart is really cool to see. E rated at times but it's absolutely DELIGHTFUL and WEAPON cloud is such a treat. And I cannot emphasise enough the symbolism. Zackkura (kinda) and slow burn! Unfinished.

A brand need not be seen <- 180k+ in a world of soulmates where the four firsts have clouds name on their wrists. Trooper cloud is tentatively, desperately hopeful. Then a smoking hot op af adult cloud appears, with no names on his wrists at all. It's a really cute flirty fic despite covering shinra politics, identity crises, huge self worth issues, lots of trauma, and finding your own place in the world. Unfinished.

Memory's struggle <- 250k+ of cascading time travel. Basically everyone goes back, which goes great XD. Everyone... Except cloud. I read this a while ago but I do remember poor cloud just getting loved and spoiled by literally everyone and freaking out about it lmao. He was so confused! Unfinished.

Additional edit:

A solitude of space <- a wonderfully soothing 90k complete of sephiroth getting resurrected and moving to stardew valley to become the farmer. It's sooooo peaceful and following him as he grows into his own person and experiences real normality and community is lovely, if a touch angsty. Eventual sefikura with cloud moving to the farm when he's not doing deliveries. It's just. Really nice. I think I cried at the end. Finished!

One-Winged Angel's Self-Saving System <- 55k+ sephiroth enters the Chinese fantasy Scum Villain world in place of the scum villain himself! (He's the third person to take on that role, but who's counting?) Reborn into a plant body he's set loose on an unsuspecting world with a completely different magic system (sentient swords! Immortality!), with only the guide of a mysterious hallucinated ai. Freedom to make his own choices! Aroallo seph rep! He messes up the plot so bad, recruiting accidental love interests with kill counts and resurrecting long lost immortals. It can get a bit heavy but it's really fun and sephiroth has no intention of ever going back. Unfinished.

The SOLDIER General's Self Saving Shizun <- 73k+ of the opposite of the last fic: the scum villain (the 2nd) gets isekai'd into sephiroth! Shen qingqiu, aka the modern world native shen yuan, fails to resurrect into his prepared plant body and wakes up in a new fictional world, once again as the villain. With his limited memory of the games and his immense knowledge of cultivation (scum villains magic system) he tries to get a grasp on his new life while evading hojo, the president, his new subordinates and the war front while cultivating to immortality - something shinra is VERY interested in. When I tell you these two fics have a GRIP on me. I've written so many fic ideas around them. It's actually insane. The first thing he does is completely redecorate his rooms and buy a whole new wardrobe, which is totally not suspicious XD. Unfinished.

The fifth act <- 160k, it's a good ol' time travel fic - with a twist. The truest exploration of ripples in a pond, or how kindness, when true, can be returned in most unexpected ways. Or maybe how a single act of good can change the world.... Or maybe it's about how you must never turn your back on an enemy. Cloud has people to save and people to kill, and only time will tell which is which. Complete.

Of Things That May Be Only 'Verse <- another series! At 250k, it's about sephiroth resurrecting, only to, uh, slip and crack his head lol. This sends him spiralling through a vision of a cosy life he'd never dreamed, and when he wakes up? He wants it so bad. But that means behaving. Slow burn sefikura redemption, side Cid/Vincent (vincid?) which ngl did convince me of the ship, domestic fluffiness and found family galore! And the whole series is complete!!

Little seph <- a 160k series about the AC sephiroth revival going wrong. Stuck in the body of a kid, post AC sephiroth is a feral kitten carefully domesticated with the power of pancakes, wing preening, and deeply uncomfortable sleepovers. He's a brat, a pest, a murder machine, but he just wants to be part of a family even if he pretends he doesn't. Eventual sefikura, and overall just a very good read. Fully complete!

We are no heroes <- 70k series, about a secretly time travelled sephiroth desperately trying to save his friends and finally, maybe, rest. When I tell you this had me SOBBING. I was BAWLING. Extremely good, zack is best boy. This man is just so tired. Beautiful descriptions. And, again, complete! Yay!

#ff7 #ffvii #I love all these fics and there's more where that came from lmao #Why does fic reccing take so long this took me two HOURS ToT #I'm so tired orz #People who only tag for complete miss out on SO much good stuff it's unreal #fic recs #fic rec #Ff7 fic recs #sephiroth #cloud strife #sefikura #Zackura #Yes they're all 100k+ I love short stuff but long fic is a different experience

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sector38 · 7 months ago

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From Sector: 38

Entry: II

After my last "encounter," my mind was made – I couldn't just sit at the edge of the sector staring out at the abyss – a hunger had made itself a home inside of me, nested under my bosom and in between my ribcage. For what it was worth, I could now say I was the proud owner of a brand new sector pass (actually in date this time), meaning I could also now apply for a real job. Before, it felt like I was wading through murky waters devoid of a lighthouse: without any sense of direction or purpose, but now I knew where I was going, who I was to be, and what I was to become – a xenologist.

It wasn't the easiest job. When I told my friends, they outright laughed. Sure, the world wasn't what it used to be – fancy bits of laminated paper were all lost to the flood – but that didn't mean that anyone could just walk in with zero qualifications, no questions asked. This was especially so for jobs that didn't exist pre-flood (including but not limited to, you guessed it, xenology). Before, if the job existed, maybe I would have gone to some elite university and collected my certificate that, for some reason, was meant to equate four years of my life, with a smile – now, we had the circuits.

On the bright side, it was a shorter process, 6-12 months if you survived that long and shorter if you didn't. I didn't know the process that well (sue me), but I knew that I would be starting at the outer tier, maintenance (glorified clean-up crew) and working my way in, each stage more deadly than the last until finally I reached the core, or as its more commonly known, "The Arena." I could never just choose the easy path.

I knew I should have been nervous, but... I just wasn't. I guess after the encounter, it was hard to feel like I hadn't been given some top-secret information that put me ahead. I hadn't really had the time to think about it, or I did, but there wasn't really much to say or do. It wasn't like I could tell anyone – I don't know what would have been worse: them not believing me or their faces of disgust.

When all countries were dissolved, you'd have liked to think everyone would lose their patriotism (you know, considering there were no more countries to worthlessly devote themselves to) – wrong. The world became one big country, one metaphorical empire ruled by the human race. This meant anyone or anything not of the human race or not subservient to the human race (like my neighbour, Julie's pet squid) was technically considered an enemy of the state.

Wait, did I fuck a public enemy?

First-day jitters were nothing in comparison to whatever I was feeling, especially considering this wasn't even my first day more like a very short tester solo shift - in all my time on sector 38 I'd never felt seasick (probably because the plates don't move) and yet here I was suddenly greatly empathetic towards the poor souls who found themselves violently ill holidaying in pacific waters. I could barely walk straight, my legs felt like jelly, and my stomach was so heavy I genuinely wondered if I'd swallowed an anchor between breakfast and lunch.

Even now, i still don't understand why i was alone during my tester shift? I get that it was just three tasks, but typically, unless you're a high-level, you're not to be left alone - always followed by a superior. Still, as i said, it wasn't even like I was going to be doing much, according to the alerts who sent me my assignments the night before my shift

. Stack the crates

. File away medical instruments

. Clean the pods on deck Xv_2

Pretty standard stuff, to be honest. If i cared half as much as i should, I'd be outraged that they gave me such menial work - but i didn't, so i wasn't. All i cared about was getting to see more of them, speak to them, and understand them, and the only way to do that was to become a xenologist.

At that point, I couldn't care less about hierarchy and ranks - i didn't understand the tangled web of beurocracy or how clearing badges worked, well not until I'd spent less than five seconds on the deck and i was promtly told

"Attention!"

The wooden crate I'd be carrying dropped to the ground with a hollow thud, the solid wood colliding with the metal flooring, making an awful cacophony. I looked up at the figure and saw a man dressed in a black suit with a white under shirt and black tie, on his black hair sat snug a white naval cap and across his chest a number of metal pins. He looked at me expectantly, i hadn't been told anyone else would be on shift as far as I knew I was supposed to meet my peers next week.

While trying to carefully stack the box in the appropriate space, I gave an awkward smile

"Hi"

Somehow, in a moment, his face grew colder, from freezing to a subzero tundra in an instant - I could tell he wanted to say more, to reprimand me, put me in place - but promtly his alarm sounded on his right wrist.

He left without a word, his face coloured with urgency.

To say I was confused would be an understatement. In the new world, the navy took on a more active role with the marines following suit to a lesser degree and the army taking the least precedence out of the three - so seeing a navy officer wasn't unheard of or even uncommon, but a lieutenant?

It just didn't make any sense, especially considering my work for today was entirely made up of menial tasks - and the look on his face as he left or even before that when I greeted him? I'm not in the navy, clearly so why what was he expecting me to do? Salute? Bowe? Kiss the ground beneath his feet?

It didn't matter, I told myself, i quite literally had one job: keep my head down and become a certified xenologist...well, aside from cleaning the pods on deck.

After stacking the last of the crates and refusing to give into my temptation of opening them, I set about trying to look for the ever elusive deck Xv_2

I mean, would it have KILLED them to give me a map or something? All the corridors looked the same - eggshell cream walls with blue strip lights - every turn, every left, every right didn't feel like it was getting me any closer, to be honest, I wasn't sure if this was some sort of time warp zone, an after effect of some eldritch creature washed up during the flood.

Wandering through the halls, I passed numerous rooms with bolted doors and bright yellow signs with bold black writing, as if they were so afraid that someone might accidentally open the securely locked doors - aside from doors armed to the teeth I passed a myriad of people, i can't really use one word to describe them:

From white coats with slicked-back hair, needle-straight posture to black suits, black ties, white collars, and broze pins to white hazmat suits and black boots.

Like some sort of machine, my brain was fixed on identifying and categorising my colleagues (colleagues). Well, that was until I heard it, tapping against the walls

It was faint at first, easily missable, but then the sounds grew louder, the rapid patter of the metal walls surrounding me like rain against the window - except there was nothing to see, no visible trace of the source of the sound just the noise, just the polyphonic array.

If this was a film, the corridors would be dimly lit with no signs of life but my own heartbeat and panting breath ringing in my ears, but this is the real world, if anything the bright neon lights and the industrious workers who I chanced upon only led to an increase in my anixety - it was as though i was going insane, as though i was being followed

"Could no one else hear that?"

The noise was atonal and offbeat - seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once, bouncing off the walls like an echo. My eyes darted around the corners of the walls as I discreetly tried to turn my head to locate the source of the sound only to be met with nothing. Whatever it was, it was quick. It was just too quick, the persistent creature darting always just out of sight.

Finally, after what felt like a literal millennia, I ran into a steal door labelled

Xv_2

I pushed both the persistent scurrying aside and the absurdly weighted door - inside a dimly lit room with large cylinders attached to the centre wall. To call it a deck seemed overly gracious, with the sizing being more akin to an office space or a large storeage room.

As i walked closer towards the cylinders, I understood why they needed to be cleaned - they were filthy, dust coating them in an opaque sheild blocking any possible view of whatever was sealed within them.

I grabbed the tissue pack I'd hastily shoved in my bra before leaving the house and stared at the cylinders - there was NO way they'd be enough. A part of me seriously thought about using my top, but the thought quickly vanished when i remembered I did actually have to leave the facility without being arrested for public indecency.

And that's when i felt it, a brush of cold air against my neck, raising my hair and sending a shiver down my spin. Instantly, I dropped my tissue pack on the small table and turned around but only to be met by nothing, empty space. I stared out at the room for a moment as though someone or something would magically appear it would probably still have only been the second strangest thing to happen to me as of last.After sufficiently staring out into an empty room I turned back around...

The tissues were gone.

I looked down at the floor, nothing. Half baked thoughts swirled around my head as i looked around the room

"I could have sworn i- did i bring them? Yes. Maybe i dropped them on a crate? No, i had them when-"

Finally, i got on my knees searching underneath the desk in hopes that somehow they'd fallen and I'd kicked them under. It was so dark I should have brought my phone or a flashlight or something, as I lent further under the desk the space narrowed which, if i was paying attention i would have known.

But, alas, i wasn't - instead, my mind was still fixed on how i needed to be more prepared in the future and how i shouldn't have a phone if i wasn't going to use it because the last time I didn't bring my phone i got-

Cold.

Cold air against my bare thighs, that feeling again. Except this time the cold felt more real? The touch more weighted less like the air and more like a person?

I stilled against the feeling, with every passing second the pressure grew till i could shape the outline: a hand.

I tried to move backwards from under the desk but promptly the feeling of another hand splayed across my waist - halting any movement. The hand across my waist kept a firm solid grip, with the cold air seeping through my clothes and onto my skin as though I were naked whilst the other fingers which previously splayed across my thigh began to move, inching ever so slowly towards my upper thigh.

Maybe it was the confusion or remnants of my first (but technically not first) day jitters. Maybe it was a cocktail of both, but I found myself slightly pushing towards the unknown force. Whatever it was must have taken that as a sign because suddenly, the fingers brushed in between my inner thighs dangerously close to my knickers.

I didn't know who or what was behind me, no-one else was in the room bar me and with only one entrance and exist it would have be impossible for anyone to come in without my knowledge - especially considering how heavy the door was.

This couldn't be a who, I thought. It must have been a what.

The thought excited me, that familiar warmth spreading in my lower stomach now juxtaposing the icy touch of the creature - I couldn't help but let out a breathy whimper. The creature must have heard because, within an instant, its cold finger pressed against my clothed entrance. The pressure was barely there, barely feelable almost imperceptible but that's what made is to so maddening - what made me push back against it despite the very firm hand on my waist.

We continued our dance: me pushing backwards, aching and desperate for any sort of relief or solid touch, and its outright reluctance to give it to me aside from the arctic hold on my mid section I could feel myself growing wetter, throbbing in a hot aching want. If i was capable of shame at that point, I would have been berating myself for wearing white panties instead of a more concealing black.

The feel of the wet material sticking to me and the mystery surrounding the strange figure was getting to be too much, I'd tried to bite my glossed lips concealing more whimpers and moans but i couldn't hold back anymore. I began to rock back harder, sounds slipping from my mouth like condensation down glass till the monster showed me mercy.

A cool finger began to push into me through my now presumably clear underwear, the sensation of wet cotton and the icy appendage dipping into me making me moan all the more - but it wasn't enough. I began to beg, pleas falling from my mouth faster than my brain could protest.

Cold and wet dragged along my cunt so abruptly I hit my head against the desk but I was too aroused to care - slowly the figure dragged its icy dripping tongue against me, lapping up my desire through my panties and adding to the wet region.

The drag was devastatingly slow, and whilst the pressure was a reprieve from my previous torture, it was nowhere near enough, tears gathered in my eyes as I begged for more. Then, I felt the being give one final lick before spreading my thighs out further and removing its hand from my waist - I was untouched.

For a brief moment, i wondered if it had left me, alone and hungry, desperate for something more - thankfully, it didn't. Instead, I felt what seemed to be a light kiss to my upper thigh before my skirt was bunched up to above my ass. The suddenness of it all made my gasp like a scandalised southern bell -as though I wasn't begging to be fucked by a stranger (who most definitely wasn't human) under a desk at my first day at work- though rapidly my gasp morphed into a whine as I felt the monster slip underneath my shaking spread out thighs so that the back of its head might rest against the floor with now both hands grasping my waist and hips.

It began to lick into me (still over my underwear) with a passion that I've never known, the glacial touch contrasting the warm friction building. I began to rock and press down onto its tongue and in response it sucked and licked and fucked into me with its tongue.

I'd asked, begged for more and I'd gotten it but I've always been greedy, always been stupid and reckless and impulsive, always been bossy even when I'm on my knees and then was absolutely no different.

"Let me fuck your mouth"

Instantly as soon as the words left my mouth I felt it moan against me the sensation only making me want it more, carefully after giving a few more playful sucks it released me - somehow even with its cold presence when it left me, the room felt so much more glacial.

I slid out from under the desk my shaking legs doing very little to help me in this endeavour, but before i could turn around to face the entity hands covered my eyes, of course this did nothing in ways of stopping me from seeing but I understood the getsture and so I closed my eyes.

Once my eyes were closed, the figure rearranged our bodies like a jigsaw piece as though it and I were one cohesive being all while I was immersed in the faint scent of sea salt and rain-soaked earth emanating from the creature - the delicate nature of the smell, alien to the steady yet all-consuming auror of the beast - like the sky before a storm. Once again, it was pressed against the ground with the back of its head to the metal flooring, and I was on top of it, this time fully able to sit with a straight posture.

It slowly guided me with my eyes still closed to its mouth with my still clothed cunt at first gently resting against its lips not wanting to move before it was ready till I felt it place both its sturdy hands on my waist and force me to rock into its mouth slightly.

I began slow, moving backwards and forwards on its cold tongue, trying to find a starting rhythm before the heat that momentarily subsided rose in full formation. Its hands were everywhere on my waist, my hips, my tummy. Like it was pushing and pulling me down and up, away, and to. Then suddenly one of its strong arms was lifting me slightly off its mouth eliciting an unexpected whine from me whilst the other moved the lace fabric to the side before gently lowering me back onto its cold wet mouth.

The feeling was foreign, invasive, intrusive, like a virus spreading through my body overtaking each nerve and blood cell before leaving me powerless to resist or even the desire to. The cold spit-soaked tongue dragged perfectly against me like waves hitting against the rocks, never missing their mark. I began to ride into its mouth, eyes rolling to the back of my head as I felt a familiar pressure build within me. I was so close to the edge, to the beginning and end of bliss. I didn’t know what the creature was or if it was even capable of feeling pleasure in the same way I did, but the desperate movements of its cold hands, one gripping my waist and the other my boobs showed me I wasn't alone in my heightened arousal.

Pleas and cries spilt from my lips, each more nonsensical and crass than the last:

"Please, please, fuck I'll be so good, fuck, your mouth its so- so perfect, you're so good for me, fuck, just like that, right there-"

Till eventually like an electrical current, the feeling washed over me - like fuzzy static interferce my whole body sparked alite. Its cold hands pressed me down harder as my body spasmed, tears welled in my eyes as I tried to move away, the pleasure building to be all too much, the overstimulation becoming extreme - but its presence remained lapping up my cum from my wet, warm, throbbing cunt.

My legs felt like jelly as it finally allowed me to stand, my lack of balance definitely not helped by my inability to see.

"Can I open my eyes... Tap me twice for yes?"

I felt a press of cold lips against my neck and then temple, sending a shiver down my spine and a small smile on my face before opening my eyes and turning around to see

Nothing.

I looked around the room confusion growing clearer on my face - thoughts regarding whether I'd made the whole scenario up in my head beginning to take root - before I felt cold hands rest against my cheek holding my head tilted slightly upwards before I felt cold lips move again against mine. The kiss was dry, soft, and sweet, still smelling of sea salt and storms and in that moment my mind was still, at peace like a total oneness with the world, with the truth whatever that may be.

Warning. Warning. Emergency alert. Code Amber. Please isolate in groups immediately. This is not a drill. Repeat. Warning. Warning. Emergency alert. Code Amber. Please isolate in groups immediately. This is not a drill.Warning. Warning. Emergency alert. Code Amber. Please isolate in groups immediately. This is not a drill. Repeat. Warning. Warning. Emergency alert. Code Amber. Please isolate in groups immediately. This is not a drill.

#terato #monsterfucker #monster smut #monster fuqqer #spectrophilia #ghost fucker #teratophillia #monster fucker #tw monsterfucking #ghost kink #ghost boyfriend #ghost bf #monster boyfriend #monster bf #spectral #invisible kink #stranger sex #dacryphilia #crying kink

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haveyouseenthismovie-poll · 1 year ago

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End of month update - November

Hello, all!

Here is this month’s end-of-month update on Tumblr’s top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Incredibles (2004) | Ratatouille (2007)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) | Bonnie and Clyde (1967) | Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015) | Scarface (1983)

This top four changed in that Scarface (1983) replaced Curse of Chucky (2013).

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

My Father and My Son (2005) | The Source (2002) | Like Stars on Earth (2007) | The Princess and the Robot (1983)

This top four changed in that Like Stars on Earth (2007) replaced Advantageous (2015) and The Princess and the Robot (1983) replaced Top End Wedding (2019).

Currently, The Incredibles (2004) is the still only film to receive absolutely zero “haven’t heard of this” votes!

I also said I'd make another data chart every so often for these monthly updates (as I did once before for September's update,) so below is a pie chart breaking down the decades seen in the 58 movies that have received majority "yes" votes:

As you can see, the three most popular decades are the 2000s (with 25 movies,) the 2010s (with 11 movies,) and the 1980s (with 8 movies.)

That's it for November's end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month's update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

Hope everyone has a great December!

#text #end of month update

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vashtijoy · 2 years ago

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something suggestive about balls: pool table proxy wars in akechi's confidant, rank 7

There's only one thing you really need to know about rank 7 of Akechi's confidant, and it is this: it happens on the day of the incriminating murder phone call.

We know this for several reasons:

It can't be locked for the name change ("family-name-kun" to "given name")—Akechi never calls Joker by name in conf 7. In fact, unless I miss my guess, he never calls Joker by name during the confidant at all, other than when you say hello in Kichijoji—probably because his term of address changes on 10/31;

Futaba will later tell us the call was recorded "a few days" after she bugged Akechi's phone on 10/29. From 10/29 to 11/2 is four days;

Given the importance of confidant 7, especially the rivalry discussion at the end, it's inconceivable that it happens before Joker hears the phone call. He goes there in full knowledge of what Akechi is, and what he intends.

Lastly, 11/2 can be summed up as "absolute chaos":

First, Akechi meets you on the train platform before school. He tells you he "won't be seeing you privately like this any more", once your deal is concluded—well, of course not, you'll be dead.

But this chat is so important that it appears to have two forms, unlike all the rest of Akechi's train platform appearances. One, the one I got in my playthrough, is quite gentle in tone. The other is much less so, much more dismissive, almost third semester in its bluntness. Assuming they're both in game, I'd guess the first is if you have the confidant levelled, and the second is if you don't. It's not legacy dialogue from vanilla P5; this scene looks to have been added for Royal. IDK, I don't know what triggers the two different chats, or if the other is even in game—but I'd like to.

If you haven't yet been to the hideout since 10/29, Morgana will force you to go after school. That's to say: you must have done Akechi's first hideout meeting, the first hideout of the Sae's Palace mission, by this date;

Last of all, Akechi texts you in the evening, for confidant 7 and its violent change in tone. "After all, losing doesn't sit well with either of us. Am I right?"

If 11/2 isn't the day of the phone call, I'll eat a nest of wasps.

boys and their toys

So. Joker walks into Penguin Sniper for confidant 7, in the a. full and b. very recently acquired knowledge that Akechi is a two-faced killer who's gleefully planning his murder. And what does he do?

Akechi has a lot of revealing things to say about balls in this scene, but we're not really here for him. Because look at how Joker is standing.

[screenshots below the cut, yo]

That's his usual "I have a pool cue" stance, with the cue held in front of him. Here he is doing it with the squad (plus one traitor):

See the difference? When he's with the others, Joker's facing the table—like you would at a billiard table, like Akechi is doing in the picture at the top. But in the confidant, when he's just learned exactly how malicious Akechi's intent is, Joker's not facing the table at all. Joker is facing Akechi. And that means he's keeping that cue firmly between them—whether as a shield or an impromptu weapon.

Now, like we said before, that's a standard pose—if Joker is holding a pool cue, he will hold it in that way. But it's the strange angle he's standing at, facing Akechi and not the pool table, that turns it into a message of sorts.

What happens next? Akechi leans down to take his shot, laying out his extended listen-I'm-going-to-murder-you-soon-and-I-haven't-fully-rationalised-it-yet metaphor all the while. Joker's eyes follow his to the table to watch. But he never turns to the table. He stays facing Akechi, and he still keeps the cue between the two of them:

The next thing is that you answer his question—"Hm, that sure sounds like a psychotic breakdown to me"—and Joker uses his hand to gesture....

... but then he gets the cue back between the two of them again, lickety-split:

The next thing that happens is that Akechi—probably deliberately, as part of his extended metaphor—misses his shot. The two of them pause to stare at the cue ball—in the Japanese text, Akechi has explicitly mentioned it as the ball you strike that starts everything unpredictably rolling. But Joker still keeps the cue between them, and still hasn't turned to the table:

(BTW, here's our old friend the sad sprite—there are some really interesting uses of it in this scene, that are worth watching out for.) But now we get to the point. "But even knowing all of that, you're still not going to quit, are you?"

Their eyes meet; the cue is still between them....

You can say "I've made up my mind" or "I won't miss my shot"; both mean, essentially, "fuck you"; both get the same result.

But now. Only now, as Joker goes to take that shot, does he finally turn to the table, exposing himself to Akechi. (coughs)

He nails it. And then they head out into the street to talk about rivalry. But take a look at their positions now:

Note that Akechi has not moved; only Joker has moved. But now the picture looks different. Now, it looks like Akechi is the one defending himself.

Joker has moved in and taken his shot, dropping his defence and opening himself up to attack in the process. Akechi hasn't moved or altered anything he was doing, yet now he's on the defensive.

And Joker's shot was successful, of course. Just like it will be on 11/20.

this is reaching, you should be ashamed

I see your point! Let's go back in time and have a look at confidant 2, for comparison. Here are the boys in happier times:

See? Joker is facing the table. Even though he's talking to Akechi, and looking at Akechi, he's turned to the table.

Here's another. This one's more dubious because of the angle, which means he does have the cue in front of him—but again, you can see Joker is pointed at the table, not at Akechi:

Funny you should say that, kid. Rank 7 Joker is on to you.

#persona 5 #p5 meta #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #goro akechi

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sanderssidesthehouse · 4 months ago

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Sanders Sides Ranked: Flirting???

Why do I have “For Legal Reasons This is a Joke” stamped on the front here? Because I get to saying some shit later that is NOT meant to be taken seriously. I enjoy saying words recreationally and making bits, not everything I say all the time is an accurate representation of my thoughts or beliefs and I just want to make that clear when posting on the piss on the poor webbed site.

Sorry, Logan. I don’t think he cares actually, but just in case. I would [verb] you. I also don’t think he cares about that, but just in case.

Also after adding the text on Logan's picture I decided I should add a little blurb to every slide so you can tell exactly how not biased I am.

When trying to decide on widespread appeal I had to acknowledge that most people would probably find him kind of annoying, which is his right, for sure, but then I had to gauge how annoying and how much that mattered and it took me a while.

For niche appeal, I just think that most theater kids™ don’t want to [verb] other theater kids™. They do [verb] for sure, but mostly because they can’t get anyone else because they’re theater kids™ and I think other insecure people mostly want to give him a hug.

(I was a theater kid but not a theater kid™, though I knew some. I just want theater kids™ to know it is their right to be insufferable.)

He's really kind of got two tricks, one is being dad and the other is being sad. I think I'd like to give him a Patt-on the head. If you're into that, though, hopefully you're also into frogs.

Look I was at one point part of all four niche appeal groups and I’m still part of two, this may be a targeted attack, but I caught myself in the crossfire.

Putting Roman in there was a joke bc you cannot tell me you don't classify what Janus was doing as flirting and it worked very well on our prince.

And unrelated to the ranking, I just get jump scared every time I see what Janus actually looks like bc he has long hair to me now. Where are his beautiful locks? Who cut my wife's hair?

Ok look. Quality of banter. We ALL saw his episode, ok? That was NOT top tier creative work. Granted he’s been locked in the basement for a long time so it’s understandable, but that doesn’t change the facts.

For his blurb I was between what I wrote and something along the lines of "I would forcefem him" and I don't think either of those convey to you how not biased I am but just know that I adore him.

I had a blast making this, I kept cracking myself up, which means probably zero other people think it’s funny but here we are.

I actually went into this thinking I would have Logan as the worst and I thought Roman and Janus would tie for best so I’m glad to see we all have the same general consensus. It looks like this list would go Roman, Janus, Patton, Remus, Virgil, Logan.

I did my best to cut out any egregious swearing and anything explicit so I hope everyone can appreciate my sacrifice /j. Thanks for joining me, argue about it in the comments and reblogs. (<- Also a joke, please be nice.)

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #siding post #siding ranks

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wolfofcelestia · 3 months ago

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I really hope this doesn’t bother you, but can you give some tips on choosing protocores and upgrading them? (If you don’t want to answer please don’t feel like you have to, some people get pissed when others ask about protocores for some reason). I’m a Zayne main who joined around late June so my knowledge on protocores are pretty weak; I just put random ones and hope they work. But since I’m advancing more on this game, I want to get serious about the combat. I know how to get them, but I never know which attribute to focus on with the protocores and I struggle to upgrade them and what to upgrade them with so I’m a complete noob at this.

??? I’m sorry if someone got mad at you for asking. This really isn’t a question to get mad about?? It’s totally fine, anon

I’m writing this as a Zayne main who isn’t a whale, so most of my limited 5* cards are not ranked up (with dupes) at all, and most of my stamina comes from free sources. But with the cores I focus on, I’ve gotten to stage 120 on open orbit, stage 140 on Zayne’s orbit, and I get around 25-32 stars in the senior hunter contest (depending on if they have a blue/red stage)

Other people have their own strategies but this is mine, so feel free to experiment with what works for you

First, I want to share a tip about farming for cores because this was implemented fairly recently and it really makes upgrading cores easier

When you're mass farm cores, you'll get a list and from here, you can mark them as trash for upgrade fodder (red circle) or you can lock them so you won't accidentally trash the good ones (blue circle)

When you mark them as trash, they will show up at the top of your list when you go to upgrade your cores, so this is really handy

As for which stat you should prioritize, this varies from person to person. But from my experiences with other games, I prioritize stable attack strength over crit, which can be unpredictable. Even when you build a crit team, it scales from your attack strength, so you'll still need a solid attack to build off of

Each core has a main stat that gets stronger with every upgrade level and four sub stats, one of which randomly upgrades every 3 levels

Since you're fighting against the clock, you'll want to only pay attention to what gives you more offensive power. That means, if I see a core that has a main stat of HP or Defense, it goes into the trash immediately. You don't want to waste your resources on these since you'll get HP and DEF as sub stats on cores that aren't completely offensive anyway

That being said, two types of cores have fixed main stats. The diamonds will always have an HP main stat and the spiky ball will always have an ATK main stat. You can't do anything about these, but you can still look for the offensive stats that you want

My priority list is as follows:

Attack + Attack Bonus

Crit Rate + Crit DMG

DMG Boost to Weakened

Situational offensive stats that change depending on your companion/enemy, like Expedited Energy and Oath Recovery, etc

Ideally, I'd want both ATK and ATK Bonus on the same core. The same could be said with Crit Rate and Crit DMG

While building up my base ATK, look for ATK on main and both ATK and ATK Bonus in their sub stats. If it also has a Crit stat, that's an extra bonus. It's a further bonus if it has DMG Boost to Weakened

Once I have a good base ATK, I look for cores that have either Crit Rate and Crit DMG as their main stats. Depending on how many Crit sub stats you already have, you might not need very many Crit cores

Example:

Right now, I'm running 2 Crit Rate cores and 1 Crit DMG core for my Zayne 140 team. The rest of the cores I'm using have ATK main stats (except for the diamond cores). I'm ALMOST able to kill the boss and the reason why I can't kill it is because my critical hits aren't occurring often enough To fix this, I'm planning on replacing one of my ATK cores with a Crit Rate core, so that I'm running 3 Crit Rate cores on this team So right now, all my stamina goes into farming for a core with a Crit Rate main stat, but I also want to make sure it has ATK stats so my base ATK won't take too much of a hit.

Once you know what your priorities are and what kind of stats you need, you need to figure out which ones to use as fodder

I'm not gonna lie, this is the worst part of cores unless you really like numbers

My method is basically just pick your best ones, equip them to your team, and go through all your cores one by one. It's easier when you go by category and colour (on this page below) so you can test how your stats change when you equip them

Once you've identified your strongest cores, make a mental note of its stats. So when you farm for more cores, you will know if the new ones are better or worse than the ones you already have, and you can mark them as trash or lock them to keep them

I like to save the ones that already have 3/4 of its sub stats so you can already see its potential. But if a core has a sub stat of like ATK 100 and still hasn't gotten all its sub stats, I'd upgrade it a few levels to see how it turns out. If it gets trash stats like HP and DEF, it immediately goes in the trash. If it gets better stats like ATK Bonus and Crit, then I got lucky and found a good core

These are examples of cores that I would give a chance to and upgrade them to level 6 or 9, depending on how much I want to gamble with these. If by level 9, they still have pretty crappy stats, I just trash them

These however, I would trash. The green core has an HP main stat and only has one offensive stat so I don't want to waste resources on that one

The red one has a fairly good ATK stat and would be good if you don't have anything better. But I know that I have red diamond cores with better ATK stats and better offensive stats, so this one doesn't cut it for the stage I'm at right now

Other than that, be sure to save your strongest ATK cores for your ATK cards so you can take advantage of its bonuses

That's all about cores I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure other people have different priorities, but this is the basis of my strategy

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

#love and deepspace #game info

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borisbubbles · 9 months ago

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Eurovision 2023: #02 & #01 (Finale)

02. CZECHIA Vesna - "My sister's crown" 10th place

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Decade ranking: 5/116 [Above Daði Freyr, below Käärijä]

Finland over Czechia seems like a no-brainer. Some midcarding bitches vs ~K*Ä*Ä*R*I*J*Ä~ come on, how hard can it be? Who is Czechia even for?!

ME, motherfucker. This entry is for ME, and FOR ME ALONE!!! and since this is MY ranking, that made the decision very difficult. It took me MONTHS to settle who to put at the top.

Vesna are often cited as one of the more overrated acts in the year. Overrated by whom? Who overrates Vesna? Isn't 10th a correct placement? i've met NO ONE who would even consider putting them as high as second? - and I obv don't count since it took me AN ETERITY to out myself as a Vesna stan!!

I'd counter that Czechia are THE MOST UNDERRATED by the fandom (not by placement - that is Slovenia, as always) and absolutely deserved all the good things that happened to them ^_^

So obviously, there are multiple factors at work here. The song is a fantastic earworm. Like, defo one of the best in the year? In terms of sheer replayability, "My Sister's Crown" is on the same level as "Edgar" (studio only :-/) and "Carpe Diem", and you know how much I value those. The song has four languages (including Bulgarian) and none of them clash. The lyrics are quotable and fun. This is a track with ATTITUDE and ZEST, that managed to criticize the war in Ukraine without beating us over the head with it via a poorly hidden, clumsily written political message. The song is SMART, and respects its listeners.

LOVE'S NOT A MONEY BAG BLOOD'S ON YOUR GOD'S HANDS YOU CANNOT STEAL OUR SOULS

However, going into the year, there were issues - Vesna were messy and dissonant, and the six girls often gave the impression of competing against each other for attention. They were not a UNIT. Although "My Sister's Crown" was always one of the best songs, many (including myself!) were sceptical it could come together.

And it did, spectacularly.

See, one of the things about this year is that the good performances and good songs were often mismatched. Albania, Estonia and Poland had great on-stage glam-ups, but they were severely hampered by the songs being what they were. Other countries such as France and Austria had good songs, but required really good acts to tie them together, and failed or, in case of say UK, has good acts that were performed badly.

If you made a Venn Diagram between the best songs and the biggest growers, there wouldn't be much overlap. Except for Czechia.

To quote Matteo Lane's pearl of wisdom; if there's only ONE GAY, everything gets done! Ahmad Malloun was the One Gay and channeled his bossbottom energy to fuss Vesna into shape. Suddenly, the girls were harmonious and disciplined and that made all the difference. Suddenly, Czechia had an act with a clear vision - Six women united visually through their outfits. Vesna had become a UNIT, united through sisterhood.

SESTRO KRASIVA OI TI SILYNA HOROBRA JEDINA KORONA TVOJA

It really doesn't get mentioned nearly often enough how amazing the Czech staging was. Sure, Loreen and Käärijä, both top notch. But this is my personal favourite of the bunch. It's a visually stunning, avant garde act that fits the music, that fits the thematics, that pulls you in and tells a story without overtly complicating matters. They start as a group of angry hexaplets and then burst into joyful sororian rapture at the end. The staging is both aesthetically pleasing and intuitive. They hit the gold standard for acts that everyone should try to strive for!!

There are times where I wonder whether I really should rank Vesna above Käärijä. My Sister's Crown fully morphed into a me-coded entry. And perhaps, if and when I watch 2023 again, I may do exactly that. For now though, I've decided against it. The argument for Finland is less complicated, so I went with that. And now for the winner of this ranking I am sure NOBODY saw coming ever:

-------------------------------------------------------------

01. FINLAND Käärijä - "Cha Cha Cha" 2nd place

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Decade ranking: 4/116 [Above Vesna, below Chanel]

It's Käärijä, bitch.

I rest my case for ranking Finland first. I don't think anyone argues this as invalid? Good, let's pick it all apart because if there's anything Käärijä deserves, it is being talked about. 😉

So um, where to start? Maybe it's best to start with the song - "Cha Cha Cha" was that rare 1-in-500 entry. I always say that novelty always tends to become stale over time - once in a blue moon however, it endures. "Cha Cha Cha" is a novelty song that is also an excellent song in its own right, and it stil holds up very well. It's a fun song to listen to, even without all the circus and theatrics.

The circus and theatrics though, omg <3 Talk about a DELECTABLE act, once again. This is yet again an example of how staging compliments the song and makes it digestible. Cha Cha Cha is entirely in Finnish with only a few loan words tossed in - difficult to get into on paper. The staging however, brings the plot points home.

The song's about wanting to overcome anxieties to dance? So break from the crates

Confront the inner Dance Demons that harass your psyche

make your way to the dancefloor while dodging decapitation via errant wires.

and then, when you overcome all fears transition to that godly, campy key chance, ride your them, having overcome your inhibitions.

AND I GALLAVANT ON THE FLOOR LIKE A CHA CHA CHA AND MY ANXIETIES HAVE NO GRIP ON ME NO MORE

The act is BRILLIANT. The ballroom dancers with their creepy pearly-whites, the dorkopotamus choreography, the styling, the overwhelming sense of triumph once the key change hits... It's the same deal as Vesna and Loreen, just a handful of visual cues that visualize the song's themes (anxiety, rather than sisterhood or desolation) are easy to understand and don't further complicate matters. THIS is how it's done. This is how you Eurovision.

The magical ingredient that tied it all together was the man, the dad bod, the bolero himself - Käärijä. Talk about a personality so massive everything gravitated towards him. It's hard to put the extent of his likeability into words - he's just so disarmingly himself. The key here is that Käärijä doesn't see himself as anything special. To him, he's just "boy from Vantaa who likes queen Loreen". He's just self-aware enough to realize the effect he has on others, but not self-aware enough to understand what exactly endears him to so many people. So when Käärijä plays up for funsies, he magnifies all aspects of his personality which makes him... even more endearing. 😍

(it's the same magic dust that has people flock to Baby Lasagna this year, really.)

It's rare to have a contestant who managed to completely warp the meta around him to this extent. It's even more rare that the contestant in this position then loses the competition. I remember telling my friend André, who was behind on NF news, that Käärijä had won UMK, and he replied with an innocuous "great, I haven't been this excited for a contestant since Verka!". I think I realize in that moment, that was to be Käärijä's destiny. Verka was the Hot Favourite in their year, the breakout star of 2007 - and Verka placed second to a more competent entry (Molitva <3). It was in that moment that I knew that Käärijä's inevitable fate was to come second to Loreen.

And I feel like, we all knew deep down that was where we were headed. We all wanted Käärijä to win as much as we did, because we knew that he would not. He was blissfully cruising towards a loss, and that was too much of an injustice to accept it and not manifest a reality where he beats Sweden.

It even got to a point where some people are now retroactively trying push the notion Tattoo is better than Euphoria (that statement is more offensive than anything I've ever commited to print or speech, including the one time I called Lesley Roy frumpy on cam <3) and the best entry ever (excuse you?) largely because it beat Cha Cha Cha.

So if Käärijä is this great, then why the doubt? Why only fourth for the decade (for the moment)?

Well, it's same deal as Cornelia for me. The best live of Cha Cha Cha that we received was the first one, at UMK, and every other performance we've had since then was not as good. The one in Eurovision had terrible vocals and slightly less impressive staging compared to UMK. I know right? The ESC staging did MORE and yet accomplished LESS. They got rid of all the wrestling references? Where's the close-up at the end? The arena? THE LIFT?

Sure, these inaccuracies didn't detract from my personal enjoyment of Cha Cha Cha. They however did allow for Käärijä to fall behind far enough behind Loreen in the jury vote so that he could no longer catch up with her in the televote, like a death by a thousand paper cuts.

It was a great live, but it wasn't great enough to win. Eurovision Käärijä was not Käärijä at his best, while Vesna without question gave their best performance in the Grand Final. Hence my doubts.

However, I ultimately went with Käärijä anyway because he did something Vesna could not - he gave a concert in my city, and I attended. HE MADE ME LEAVE THE HOUSE AFTER DARK. And god, if you've not been to a Käârijä gig before, absolutely fucking go if you're able to - IT'S CRAZY IT'S PARTY is the perfect catchphrase for this hyperactive, sexually amorphous, adorkable gremlin.

He was his unadulterated self, slapping his belly only vaguely aware of his sex appeal, swooning over a group of Slovene attendees because they reminded him of The Love Of His Life Bojan Cveticanin, ripping one of his merch t-shirts in half and then wearing it as a jacket, airdiving a wayward balloon that floated its way on the stage. The music was also excellent. Exposed to to the FULL scope of Käärijäness, made all the good memories of the 2023 preshow flow back, how could I not rank him anywhere other than first? Maybe I will change my mind and rank Vesna first in a few years from now, but for now, let's savour him while he's still fresh in our minds.

REMINDER THAT THE 2024 ROSTER IS GREAT LARGELY THANKS TO KÄÄRIJÄ.

REMINDER THAT HE WOULD SO WIN ANY FUTURE EUROVISION IF HE WANTED TO:

youtube

(May I just name this as my fave song from the 2024 nf season MAY I????*)

He WAS 2023. He WAS Eurovision.

He may have lost the contest, but he has won life. (and paid his taxes.)

ALL RISE FOR THE BEST ACT OF 2023!

The RANKING (completed)

"Novo, Bolje" was my fave 2024 NF also-ran. Obv.

ADDENDUM: ABOUT ESC2024

Yeah, obviously i'm not going to do a pre-show ranking. With all the poison and controversy going on, it's just not the right time. I delayed this ranking specificially so that I wouldn't be temped to do the 2024 one later. (Unlike a certain broadcasting institution, I possess a modest amount of insight, foresight and self-awareness. 🙂 )

Hopefully, ESC 2024 goes down without too many incidents, and I'll able to start my post-show ranking the week after the Grand Final.

See you there, hopefully, if Eurovision isn't dead and buried by then! 💚

#Eurovision 2023 #ESC 2023 #ESC #Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #Eurovision2023 #BorisBubbles #Vesna #My Sister's Crown #Czechia #Finland #Käärijä #Cha Cha Cha

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booksandchainmail · 8 months ago

Text

Hugo Best Novel Finalists 2024

I've read all 6, so here's my impressions and loose ranking. The numerical ranking is only approximate for now, I'm going to pin it down once we get closer to voting closing. I could see the top two books switching places, or any rotation within books three, four, and five.

The Saint of Bright Doors, by Vajra Chandrasekera This was one of my top books of last year and one of my own nominations. It's a very strange book, twisty and creative, and left me with a lot of thoughts, particularly about how it handles government. I appreciated the mishmash of worldbuilding, all sorts of things that felt incongruous next to each other but somehow fit together. It also felt more literary than most sff novels? I am not normally deeply noticing of language, but I kept coming back to individual turns of phrase here. All books should have a 50-page chapter in the middle where the protagonist wanders through a neverending surrealist prison land.

Some Desperate Glory, by Emily Tesh Another of my nominations, this is a more straightforward exploration of, essentially, the deradicalization of someone raised in an authoritarian military camp. I respect how this book lets Kyr be awful, be completely convinced she is correct, and be defensive and lash out when confronted with her home's issues. I think the ending stumbles a bit, but really I mostly wanted this book to be much, much longer and have Kyr's character arc spread out more. Also, the choice of title and epigraph is excellent.

Translation State, by Ann Leckie Not much to say here, it's a new book in the Imperial Radch universe, I read it when I came out so don't remember detail. I liked the different intersecting plotlines, and particularly the Presger merge-and-devour adolescent instinct

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi, by Shannon Chakraborty This one I hadn't read before but enjoyed. I don't know how deep I'd say it is, but it's fun, a good classic adventure story with a putting-the-crew-back-together plot common to heist narratives. It benefits a lot from its setting: my main takeaway was that the Indian Ocean in medieval times is a criminally underused setting for any kind of nautical/swashbuckling/adventure story.

Witch King, by Martha Wells I read this one when it came out, and remember liking it a lot. The two intertwined narratives, set centuries apart, worked well for me to let the backstory unfold to inform the main plot as it progressed. I think I preferred the backstory narrative? But that might be due to also having the present narrative, since my favorite part was seeing how the echoes of relationships are still going on centuries after we get to see them form

Starter Villain, by John Scalzi I did not like this. I had some criticism last year for Scalzi's Kaiju Preservation Society, on the grounds that it was fun but not substantive enough for an award. But at least with that one I enjoyed reading it! My main thought while reading Starter Villain was "Well, at least it's short." I think my main problem with this is tonal: it doesn't commit enough to the over-the-top goofiness of "guy inherits his uncle's supervillain empire" and keeps trying to ground it in what an actual secretive genius billionaire pulling strings behind the scenes for his own nefarious purposes might look like, but then any attempts to actually be serious with the grounded stakes and world established kept running into the fact that it also featured sentient cats and talking dolphins! Also, I couldn't stop noticing that the protagonist talks the same way as the major supporting characters, which is the same way the protagonist talked in KPS last year

#hugo awards #hugoes 2024 #hugoes #the saint of bright doors #some desperate glory #translation state #witch king #the adventures of amina al sirafi #starter villain

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nitpickrider · 1 year ago

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a bit silly, but if you had to fill an Avengers roster, who would you pick?

Wooof, oh me oh my. Let's lay down some ground rules before I do this. 1). Only people who have been Avengers at some previous point in time. Doesn't narrow it down a LOT but this list would be a jigsaw of my favorite Z-Listers otherwise 2). Limiting it to seven people. That's the magic number with superhero teams and it gives me a reason to stop

Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America: Sometimes you just cannot beat a classic and when it comes to Avengers line ups there is no one that I think is more integral than Captain America. The pathos that he brings to the table no matter what character he is interacting with is palpable and reading through his first big volume has given me a deep respect and love for the character. He's our leader for sure, the axis of solid, steady service I can hang my weirder picks on.

Dr. Walter Newell AKA Stingray: You all saw this coming and don't act like you didn't. One of my favorite if not my FAVORITE Marvel Characters of all time. He's a doctor with an interesting specialization. His "I'm only a part time superhero" hangup is even funnier and more interesting if forced into the limelight on THE hero team. Not to mention he comes with his own swanky Hydrobase we can use for an HQ and with his wife and four kids running around underfoot we have the kind of domestic adorability I think any good team needs.

Miguel Santos AKA Living Lightning: The first time I can ever remember reading about a comic book hero being gay, as just like, part of who they are. A tiny detail in their rich inner life. Not to mention the less respect a character gets the more I want to lift them up on my shoulders. He could be the sweetheart with a little chip on his shoulder from not getting the respect his objectively awesome powers objectively deserve.

Angelica Jones AKA Firestar: Something you may not know about me. The first piece of media that really opened my eyes as to the potential and depth and scope of the Marvel Universe was Spiderman and His Amazing Friends. It was cheesy, it was cheap and yet Angelica was the first character that I felt SPECIAL for knowing and caring about. She's happy, she's passionate, her simple classic costume kicks ass and the New Warriors need their goddamn respect. 'Nuff said.

Sersi, Just Sersi: What little I have seen of this character fucking FASCINATES me. This woman is chaos incarnate. It's like she is actively making on the fly decisions with everyone she meets whether she's going to kill them, screw them, turn them into a small mammal or some combination of the three. She's *Instant Plot Complication Just Add Water* because she saw a butterfly and that somehow translates to her blowing the entire team's cover.

Dane Whitman AKA The Black Knight: I love everything about him. I love his vibe, I love the fact that his backstory is built partially around recontextualizing the lore of a mostly forgotten Atlas fantasy comic. I love that he has a wickedly evil cursed blade that comes with the side effect of basically holding him hostage to a heroic moral code. And on top of that he's a dorky intellectual who can't see a social cue if it's blaring at him from oncoming traffic.

Jennifer Walters AKA She-Hulk: ...I do not feel the need to explain or justify this choice. YOU know Jen is awesome. *I* know Jen is awesome. She-Hulk does not need justification. She shows up in stories and makes them better by existing. Also yes this is the bodytype I'd use. Yes, I have an addiction. No, I don't feel the need to explain that either. RESERVISTS: Characters I really like but either don't know enough about or don't think they make good Avengers

Marc Spector and System AKA Moon Knight: One of my favorite dudes but does NOT play well with others. Was interesting for about 10 seconds as a member of the West Coast team but I'd prefer he never touch the ranks again.

Flint Marko AKA Sandman: Marvel did Sandman fucking dirty by never letting him fully reform and be the good guy. I want Sandman to be the good guy dammit

Maria de Guadalupe Santiago AKA Silverclaw: I know literally nothing about her outside of reference books but her powers are dope and I dig her vibe.

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livingproofoftbd · 15 days ago

Text

fic round-up for 2024 :)

inspired by scoops404 also im bored so why not. rating from favourite -> least favourite. lmk what you think :3

also stream my fics FREE PROMO

days and nights always change (you and i just stay the same) [last updated 25/12/24, rated t, 3.7k words] my secret santa bodyswap fic that is both absolute recency bias but also IM SO EXCITED TO FINISH IT !!!!!! i think i cooked with the first chapter so im looking forward to completing it and seeing how i do :3

our scars (they'll dance with each other) [posted 20/10/24, rated t, 11.9k words] IN LOVE THIS THIS ONEEEEE childhood friends to enemies to lovers AND soulmates AND OMEGAVERSE I COOKED. im obsessed with how it turned out im so proud of it

brandy [posted 11/05/24, rated m, 31.8k words] this ranking is probably a little self explanatory i mean, nearly 32k words of mpreg?? hella impressive IT TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH. shoutout to the rats for keeping me sane but also they'd kill me if this wasnt top three otherwise it'd probably be four BUT i still love this one

touch you until i see red [posted on 01/07/24, rated e, 3.7k words] still dont know what possessed me to write edging, bondage, and georges collorblindess into one fic but can those demons please come back 🙏

sing me a song and let me love you [posted 12/06/24, rated m, 12.4k words] this was for an exchange hosted by the rats that was never even finished i never got mine lmao ANYWAY siren george took over my brain worms for about a month. one of my finest works i'd say. and CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS >>>

dreaming with eyes wide open [posted 18/08/24, rated t, 13.3k words] for a summer dnf gift exchange, also childhood friends to lovers (i'm seeing a theme) but genuinely obsessed with this au also jealous george>> sososososo happy with this one :3

player of games [posted on 12/08/24, rated g, 2.4k words] for the projectendpoem collab, and it was certainly a new thing for me. i really liked this fic, and the excerpt of the end poem i received. it was a new writing style for me (cough no dnf) but i think i did well

to be loved [posted 04/11/24, rated t, 3.6k words] never written dogboy dream before, but i had fun with this one :) dunno if it was my best work but i loved writing it so it takes number eight

if forever never ends [posted 15/10/24, rated t, 4.2k words] WEREWOLVESSSSSSS never written those but this was such a cool au and i loved playing with the worldbuilding and the lore :3 maybe i'll bring it back who knows...

i don't know you but i really need to [posted 14/10/24, rated t, f/f, 12.7k words] my fem dnfiessss... i love aus that make george dream's muse so naturally i had to partake but make dream a writer instead. also a sucker for famous x nonfamous

the pain that's living with us [posted 21/10/24, rated t, 1.8k words] this was a part two to "if forever never ends," and i loved writing dream exploring his gender and clothes while incorporating how society, that of both human and their own species, looks down on that

love knows no bounds [13/10/24, rated m, 19.2k words] RAGH i love vampire george MY EVERYTHING. certainly an adventure of a fic, and took the longest to write of my omegaverse week fics. i also kinda forgot everything that happened in it but im pretty sure i love this one too

this feeling's all we know (still we hold together) [posted on 06/03/24, rated t, 6.4k words] a fic set entirely in airports? sure why not. i loveeee this premise and the inherent romanticism of airports, but idk i think i could write it better

when you look at me like that (my darling what did you expect) [posted 18/01/24, rated g, 2.2k words] dream taking care of george is everything to meeeee but i also forgot what happened in this fic for the most part ;-; but compared to my other fics, this just doesnt seem as good

this love is all we need and we've got so much [posted 25/03/24, rated g, 1.9k words] i dont remember why i wrote this ngl. maybe george was being sappy about love live on stream again i cant remember but married dnf are so special to me :,)

dress me like i'm yours [posted 16/06/24, rated t, f/f, 1.2k words] more fem dnfiesss. this just felt like a weak fic to me especially since i forgot the event was happening until the night before, so it could have been better

anything for you [posted 17/10/24, rated t, 3.4k words] the idea was better in my head

living on an island made of faith [posted 19/03/24, rated t, 824 words] this fic served its purpose. i needed smth fluffy after the gexodus and it made me feel a bit better to write it. but now its a short fic that i dont really connect to any more :(

sex and candy [posted 09/02/24, rated m, 5.6k words] i dont relate to this fic anymore. i mean i never did entirely cuz ew sex gross but ive since grown a little more and it doesnt really make sense to me anymore, even if george and i share a romantic identity also TOO MUCH FUCKING BACKSTORY UGHHH

support me (love you) [posted 20/01/24, rated t, 1.9k words] i feel so disconnected from this fic, if it wasnt under my page i wouldnt know it was mine. idk what happened

deal-breaker [last updated 15/01/24, rated m, 32.1k words, PAUSED] my abandoned kidfic RIP. i do wanna come back to this eventually BUT ITS SO BAD omg it desperately needs to be rewritten even as an au its soooo ooc its painful

#m.fic #dnf #fic recs #writing #fic roundup

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batsplat · 1 month ago

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I think this should be a fun one for you: rank 00’s-early 2010’s spanish atp tennis players from most beloved/underrated/least beloathed to your most behated.

I love when you’re mean about atp 🥰

incredible hater ask. love to see that me just endlessly lobbing potshots at male tennis players has finally found an audience. the inclusion criteria for this list is extremely vibes-based - they need to have had some of their career-best results in the 00's or early 2010s and I can't primarily associated them with 90's or 2020's. so no moya or alcaraz... rba marginal inclusion but not pcb. (ramos vinolas would've come top but he just... didn't really get going until late 2010s.) cut-off is top twenty peak ranking. so let's go

MOST BELOVED/UNDERRATED/LEAST BELOATHED

bautista agut: horse girl!! horse girl!!! a bit of a journey of how I learned to stop worrying and love the pusher. I've occasionally had a slightly troubled history with the guy, not least because sometimes it does feel like he crawls out of the woodwork literally just to piss me off? like, I'm sorry, check out this string of results from last year (I've conveniently highlighted the irritating result)

first time since JANUARY he'd strung together back-to-back match wins. feels a little personal!!

beyond spawning out of nowhere to hand medvedev a yearly defeat, he has also been done a fair bit of torturing of murray. that 2022 match at doha with the foul scoreline... that being said, if you're a fan of a high-ranked player it is extremely poor form to be too annoyed by this kind of thing. medvedev should maybe consider stop losing to inferior pushers and even at the time I did find it pretty funny, rolled my eyes but fundamentally idc that much about how he does in halle. and I am obviously a big supporter of pushing... rba is quite an un-spanish players in some ways - doesn't play with a lot of spin, not bad at clay but it's not where he shines. idk I'm a big fan of pushers, rba has been a stalwart representative of the pushing lifestyle on the atp tour, he's kind of in that gilles simon camp where I was always happy enough to put on a match with them in it. and y'know, he seems like a nice enough guy. a fixture of the atp tour who I'm just kinda fond of

ferrer: always felt kinda sorry for him. destined to be #2 spaniard forevermore. thing is, with his game, you do have to say he didn't massively underachieve - like in a way a slam final is a pretty impressive showing. he's not one of the players TO ME where it feels super painful they never won a slam, even though arguably he's had a better career than some of the guys I'd put in that camp. funny how that works out!! I actually quite like ferrer's game, it's very bread and butter, spanish clay court style... and y'know, I grew up on clay, it's probably still my favourite surface all things considered, and we did always joke about the grinding from ten metres behind the baseline thing. I respect it. gets annoying when someone is nadal-levels good, but ferrer is very much not that so I quite enjoyed watching him play. idk, I did always vaguely like those second tier players during the big four era - childhood nostalgia of watching them in a bunch of slam matches without my negative feelings towards the big three. he's not my favourite of those, but he's all right. just quite inoffensive really

costa: oh man, I just don't really have any particularly strong feelings towards this guy. I think it's pretty funny how he won a slam and does just reflect where the clay game was at for a few years before nadal, like none of the post kuerten pre nadal rg winners were particularly serious characters. still, beating ferrero in that 2002 final is something I will gladly applaud, especially absolutely walloping him in the first two sets. this is very firmly before my time and perhaps a year or so before I even held my first tennis racquet as a kid, and while I obviously have quite a few past players I have strong feelings about... costa is not one of them. he is not actively offensive to me, let's put it that way (which I retroactively realised I'd put for two players in a row, but I'll leave it because it's funny that this is how I classify spanish players)

verdasco: now, look. verdasco doesn't hate nadal, but I am more than happy to do so on his behalf. I wasn't a sentient enough person yet in 2009 to have particularly sophisticated takes on the tragic inevitability of sports narratives, but if I HAD been I think I would've gone insane at some point during That Australian Open Match. basically redlined for hours and it still wasn't enough, never reached another slam semi, just kinda sucks man. (not that it matters but I'm glad he did at least manage to beat nadal in five at ao 2016 in the first round, just for the vibes.) I do also have a fair bit of sympathy for him over the two month doping ban he got in 2022 for failing to renew the therapeutic exemption thingy he had for his adhd medication - that was just so obviously a case of someone not really doping and tbh a lot of people (including some players!!) were pretty cruel about that shit

all that being said, can't say I've ever particularly been a fan. idk he was just one of those vaguely frustrating players to me who theoretically had a lot to their game but never was quite... on it enough. I do like some players who build their games around big booming forehands, but it's not really what I've ever gravitated towards. I think we have now reached the part of the list where most of these guys get a bit of a nadal tax. as in, I've seen them pal around with nadal, it has been forced in front of my eyeballs, and I simply do not support that kind of behaviour. (true of ferrer too but he has just about enough accumulated good will to be ranked higher up.) it's nothing personal, it's just that they're associated with nadal in my mind. I don't like it

robredo: is it bad if I say I got him confused with verdasco as a kid. too many spaniards. well, first off, go watch the valencia 2014 final against murray (I got a kia ad for nadal when I tried to open this video which ramped up my internal haterism for what is to come). what people sometimes forget about this horrifically painful final is that it was the second time in like?? a few weeks?? where he was playing murray in a final... I think he blew five matchpoints in both which. ouch. anyway the point is that valencia match is great - and unlike when the big three inflict horrendously painful defeats on their opponents, this was good and moral and fun. robredo was probably the most... invisible of this lot, if that's not too mean. his biggest contribution to tennis history is defeating federer once and only once at the 2013 us open, ensuring that federer and nadal wouldn't play - which ensured they never played at the us open which means it is an incomplete and quite frankly fraudulent rivalry. they missed out by one match on six occasions. the list of players who stopped them reads murray, djokovic, del potro and.... robredo. a hero tbh

other robredo thoughts... I mean, he was a bit top twenty filler if we're being honest. the thing where he won three consecutive slam matches from two sets to love down was pretty neat. he's basically ferrer but worse. I rank him at basically the same level as verdasco but I remember more verdasco matches than robredo so. there we are

ferrero: okay. look. I'm aware some of this might be coloured by my extreme irritation at his presence in alcaraz's coaching box these last few years. man will simply not shut up. I can't help it - sometimes this stuff colours my opinions on someone

(not a player but the swiftest downfall in this regard has been darren cahill, who had a base fondness for as 'notable agassi coach' that he's steadily pissed away in this sinner partnership. zero respect for how he dumped anisimova so soon after she hired him because he just couldn't handle the strains of travel, throwing himself a pity party... before almost immediately linking up with sinner. a tangent irrelevant to this post but I just needed to get that in there!!)

I get that coaching's legal now!! and I am NOT a conspiracy theorist about the timing of that change happening right during the golden boy's rise to the top, but!! it's still obviously been pretty convenient, like surely the umpires could not have ignored that for all that much longer lol. and I hate the rule change, idc how little practical use it is - it's antithetical to the spirit of tennis. I know coaching happened before then too but it makes a difference if you have to at least be sly about it (not that this guy ever really was). also beyond my principled opposition, he's just annoying. it's annoying. I'm sick of his face by now. get him off my screen

but to rewind twenty years, it's still aggravating that his one and only slam came at the cost of what would have been one of the all-time great slam fairy tale runs. it should have been verkerk!! ik that it wasn't even particularly close, I don't care. verkerk also just had a more compelling run to the final - sure jcf beat defending champion costa but he wasn't in particular good form, and verkerk took out both moya and coria. some random dutch bloke took out former champion moya in five sets... should have gotten the title. I'm sure you'll be delighted to know the match is indeed on youtube. isn't this cool:

don't you want to root for this guy!!

anyway yeah idk you're a top player for years you win one slam and THAT is how you won it? by stomping on a fairy tale? the counter-argument is that jcf SHOULD have won in 2002 but, well. just an awful performance wasn't it. like I know I said I like grinders and chokers but the first two sets of the first slam final you compete in being 1-6 0-6... hm. idk man. just don't think he was a good enough player to have earned a slam or indeed to have been number one, and in that case I would prefer the fairy tale slam. I will say he was an underrated hard court player, but yeah just didn't like his playstyle. a lot of these spaniards are way too big on their forehands. and I cannot forgive his role in blighting the game with another spanish prodigy. we're just never going to be free

lopez: okay, look, admittedly the fact that he seemed so close to nadal didn't make me particularly keen on him, but it's more than that!! another one where his activities post-retirement have hardly done much to endear him to me. I do unironically loathe this guy for his work running the madrid open, I think he's an incompetent sexist cunt who needs to be kept far away from women's tennis as possible. these last couple of years have made me more and more furious about the current situation with women's tennis - the game is in an excellent place but it might as well be being sabotaged by the people who are supposed to promote it. it's disgraceful he is still even in the job after the women's doubles finalists were prevented from speaking during the trophy ceremony, and it's as good a demonstration as you're going to get of the wta's luck of power. just makes me sad man

also, I never liked him as a player. idk man hating's not rational but I'm trying to come up with something I feel like I can defend a bit more than 'I was sick of people talking about how attractive this guy was to women'. but well, I was! oh wow, he's a heartthrob?? you think he's good-looking?? you want to make a joke about how he makes the ladies swoon?? original! never heard it before! look, I support straight women in their lifestyle choices even if they differ from my own, but more than anything else I just find this shit cringe. 'deliciano' is cringe. calling a bloke vain can be a pretty charged insult, but in this case I stand by it - shallow man with shallow tennis. just this gross macho energy that I personally have always found off-putting. he's also a commentators' pet where they want him to unlock his inner potential and become the player he could be with all that talent inside of him... literally shut up

nadal: if nadal has a million haters, I am one of them. if nadal has five haters, I am one of them. if nadal has one hater, that is me. if nadal has no haters, then I am no longer alive. if the word supports nadal then I am against the world

I ended up writing paragraphs and paragraphs worth of why I hate him for One Match Specifically but then I realised that wasn't really part of the remit for a jokey hater post and was also getting a wee bit TOO earnest and emotional. it has been cut out but lmk if you want to read an extended scream into the abyss I suppose lol

anyway! my number one enemy. djokovic might be the worst of the big three on moral grounds, federer's whole aesthetic and vibe is horrendous, but as an actual tennis player? oh, nadal, they could never make me like you. instinctively the least appealing playstyle... I love watching djokovic move around the court, even I can appreciate clean federer hitting. nadal is just... well, look, I'm not a forehand girl. and when I AM a forehand girl, I tend to like mine a bit flatter. penetrating. I can appreciate nadal's forehand is a great shot, but it doesn't really do much for me. all the good and appealing parts of nadal's game... low key are better from djokovic. the athleticism, the counterpunching, high margin game etc. if I want this stuff, I go to djokovic. also, look, I don't like the grunting - but what I really don't like is how completely accepted it is to hound wta players for grunting while nobody bats an eyelid when nadal sounds like a flock of seagulls is dying in his throat every single point. and I get that the double standards aren't exactly his fault, but you know what is his fault? his repeated and consistent opposition to equal pay in tennis! admittedly women's rights aren't exactly an issue you want to interrogate too closely with any of the big three, see the utter cowardice and moral void surrounding the zverev case

which I think gets to the part that really pisses me off about nadal. it's just... the hypocrisy. his pr is all about being this big fighter, big fighter, big fighter, he's so tough, he never gives up, what a fighter. such a big song and dance is done about what a great sportsman he is, him and federer obviously - how respectful they are, how civil and composed and isn't it great that we have two such great role models for the sport. people won't stop banging on about the fucking racquet smashing thing, as if we have to declare sainthood because a multi-millionaire tax evader has decided not to break a stick that clocks in at maybe a hundred fifty quid retail price. I'm biased in that I like racquet smashes, I think they're funny, they're ultimately not that serious - I don't particularly mind giving them a code violation but I do think it's remarkable that breaking a racquet isn't allowed but smashing up your own body with a racquet is. which is a separate issue! point being, it's one of those things that get used to paint nadal as the fairest most respectful most humblest bestest sportsman of all time. but he's not!! of course he engages in gamesmanship, of course he did some blatant time violations every time he could get away with it, of course he loved disrupting the rhythm of the other player serving, of course some of his medical timeouts were awfully convenient. of course it's pretty rich of him to complain about other blokes grunting

which I literally would not mind - I am a justine henin fan - if it weren't ignored due to this guy's insane pr. I also think it is awfully like tennis, in all its hypocrisy and fundamental conservatism, to judge someone's moral character over the number of racquets they have smashed - rather than literally anything else. this OBVIOUSLY isn't his fault, but I find the way many of his fans glorify the abuse his uncle subjected him to as a child beyond distasteful. federer fans are the cockiest and at times most fanatical (though For Some Reason they've quietened down these past few years), djokovic fans are the most flat out insane, but I find something about the conservatism of the nadal fanbase particularly pernicious. all in on the macho culture, endless wanking off to his masculinity and traditional values and whatever other bullshit

and to bring it back around - he's also fucking boring lol. like at the end of the day all this stuff just eats away at his appeal for me. so committed to never saying anything controversial he never says anything at all. I've already expressed this opinion before on this blog, but I firmly believe if you are an athlete that good and that dominant then you NEED to have more going for you. you need more character, more narrative juice, more interesting interpersonal relationships with your fellow competitors. tbh I think it's probably quite hard to keep me invested if you're THAT dominant, but let's be honest - men's tennis hasn't even been trying since agassi and sampras retired (rip to my men's tennis goats). serena on the women's side is way less annoying because she faced a changing cast of characters throughout her career, everyone in noughties wta had crazy narrative juice, and she is also exponentially more interesting than the big three combined. she really WAS an asshole at times, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible!! all the gamesmanship people use to insult her honestly just makes me like her more. people complain about the chaos at the top of the wta tour but like... first of all, obviously we've left that era, and secondly I'd take that any day over stagnation at the top of the men's. the big three for all their incredible tennis have stifled the men's game, nadal's the worst of them, glad he's retired

MOST BEHATED

#all i put out on this account on my own accord is peace and love and yet my anons constantly wish me to hate... ah well what can you do #also i know hating is fun hating brings out the best in u but i am a little wary of how there's too much men's tennis on this blog!!#i haven't had time to do the henin/clijsters write up yet but like. uwu women's tennis asks pls #double checked reddit for one or two stories and my god that place used to be a cesspool. genuinely gotten way better #//#racquet tag #batsplat responds #posting without editing but lol the nadal bit looks like a proper rant

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boinin · 1 year ago

Text

Blue Lock Chapter 245/NEL team rambling

foreword: I wrote this over Christmas, when suffering with a headcold. It's not that coherent, but I spent an amount of time on it? So have it as is... whatever it is.

God, they're doing Bachira Barcha so dirty.

If I'm interpreting this right, it sounds like Lavinho entered the game, but not Loki. Oof. Speaks volumes.

It took one of the most renowned footballers in the world to hold off Shidou and company so Bachira and Otoya could score.

It rankles how little development the Barcha boys are getting, compared to Manshine, Ubers or PXG. I know one team had to be the "first boss" of the NEL, but it's Bachira's team.

Bachira. Who's always shown the ability to thrive when the chips are down. Who's one of the most important characters, prior to the NEL.

Ugh. The story is entitled to focus on other characters, and overall I've enjoyed the outcome of this league. But you have to wonder how they can justify Barcha being this weak, even against a team as dominant as PXG.

Now, I did a fact-check to see if I'm just being salty (always a possibility). I looked at the teams by Blue Lock players, and specifically 1) who has a volume cover and 2) who is likely to get a volume cover between now and the manga ending.

My rationale? Volume covers are a proxy for talent/story significance, and appear to be an early bellwether for who might make it into the new U20 team lineup. Sendou fans rejoice

The results kinda support both the "me being salty" angle as well as the "Bachira is being deliberately ratio'd" one. Let me explain.

Germany are stacked next to the others, especially when they have both Kaiser and Ness as well. However: of the seven BL characters that have volume covers, four of these were revealed during the NEL arc. It makes sense, with Germany being the protagonist's team. But something to keep in mind, when we look at the others.

France has four characters that had volume covers before the NEL started. It's extremely likely Zantetsu will get one, and there's outside odds of Nanase also getting a cover. France has a potential NG11 or high-level player in Charles Chevalier. There's also Kento Cho, who had a not-insignificant role in the U20 v BL11 match. Worth noting.

I was surprised by how many high-profile characters Italy have, with five volume covers between them. This said, two characters (Niko and Sendou) only received theirs during the Ubers match arc, although I'd argue Niko would have received one earlier if it wasn't for Kaneshiro's commitment to the bit. Italy also has Don Lorenzo, possibly the most effective NG11 we've seen in action so far. IMO there's a slim chance Fukaku Gen will get a cover in future—the national team needs more than one goalie.

England have three volume cover stars: when you hear Manshine, all you can really picture is Nagi, Reo and Chigiri, right? In addition they have Wanima the elder and Niou, one of whom may sneak into the national team bench and nab a volume cover (my money's on Niou, solely because of that magnificent beard). Other than that, Manshine only has Agi, who's noted to have significant talent.

Lastly Spain, which has two volume covers to its credit and (in my view) low chances of any further ones. Maaaaybe Darai or Hayate, if we work off the current rankings (post round 3). But I can't see them beating Tokimitsu or Zantetsu for a Top 23 placement. They only have one notable Spanish player that has speaking lines (Ignacio Lara) but I wouldn't put him on, say, Agi's level.

To recap, the teams have this many significant characters as of the time of writing:

Germany: 7 + 2 (Kainess) + 2 (Igaguri, Kiyora) = 11.

Interestingly, a number that's give high status in this manga, and one that is often associated with Isagi.

France: 4 + 1 (Chevalier) + 2 (Zantetsu, Nanase) = 7

Italy: 5 + 1 (Lorenzo) + 1 (Fukaku) = 7

England: 3 + 1 (Agi) + 2?? (Niou, Wanima) = 6?? (closer to 5 really)

Spain: 2

If we retrospectively discount any character that didn't have a volume cover before the NEL arc kicked off, and reference only high-profile BL players:

Germany: 3

France: 4

Italy: 3

England: 3

Spain: 2

In conclusion: Spain has been outgunned since day one, and the story has failed to develop any of the Spanish players beside Bachira and Otoya... despite having a over a third of the national team front bench among its ranks.

I think Bachira and in particular, Otoya, have underperformed overall, considering their elevated position prior to the NEL. However, a repeated theme in the NEL is, you're only as good as the support or players around you.

Bachira and Otoya simply don't have the calibre of supporting midfielders, wingers or defensive players in Barcha that the other teams have. They don't have an NG11 player, or a defence capable of holding off a strong offensive opponent.

To get back to my original point: no wonder Lavinho had to sub on to give his two star players a chance to shine against PXG. It's indicative of the level of talent on the French front bench.

#i really don't know what my overall point was here #other than to vent about Bachira not getting a fair shake aha #i was very out of it over the xmas break in my defence #blue lock #bllk #bllk analysis #blue lock manga #blue lock manga spoilers #blue lock spoilers #bllk chp 245 #bachira meguru #neo egoist league #boinin talks bllk

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