#but my thesis proposal got APPROVED!!!!

[galescafe]

study tracker / sunny evening

03 JUNE 2024 | 86/100 DAYS OF PRODUCTIVITY

BIG NEWS! MY THESIS PROPOSAL GOT APPROVED! i will officially be completing an undergraduate thesis for one of my degrees this upcoming semester, and i am so so excited

otherwise i honestly was feeling pretty burnt out this morning/afternoon, and then the frustration about not being productive wasn't helping me productive, which is a whole fun spiral

didn't so much studying in the afternoon, but at least i answered some emails i had been putting off

got a lot done after dinner though! finally was able to get in the groove after a rough day

also spent some time graphic designing for my volunteer dance program that i'm running this summer

content revised: physics chs 8-9, ochem chs 6-10, 682 anki cards in bio and gen chem

📚: anansi boys - neil gaiman ⏰ 36/300 hours

[xuchiya]

"Important" || jongho x female reader

genre: fluff, (small) hint of angst words: 582 got inspired by this prompt. IT'S CUTE AND JONGHO IS THE FIRST CAME UP IN MY HEAD.

Jongho sighs, slouched on the worn-out sofa of his shared apartment with you, yet in this moment your absence is making it difficult for him to focus on what he is doing—distracting himself. His fingers hovering on the soft keys of the remote, flicking through TV channels. His mind was elsewhere, reliving the moments of the argument he had with you a few days ago.

“I’m not coming back here, I thought you were an understanding boyfriend!"

“And here I thought you would be pleased to have my presence so you could focus.”

The small argument between time and effort was a sensitive topic for the two of you. Jongho finished his promotion for Fin:Will and he had the time on his hand to spend it with you yet it feels like the world wasn't on your side as you were finishing up your thesis paper because on the next day, you will be facing a proposal to defend your chosen study. It was pressuring as 2 out of your panellists were your least favorite professors. 

  So in the end, you both were screaming and ended it with a slamming of doors. He sighed heavily, feeling a mix of frustration and regret. Just then, the doorbell rang. He hesitated for a moment, thinking that none of his hyungs would visit your shared apartment unannounced before dragging himself to the door. When he opened it, he was greeted by you, her expression unreadable. In your defense uniform, 3 thick folders on your right arm and your laptop bag on the other.

    "Why did you come back?" Jongho asked, trying to keep his tone neutral but failing to mask the curiosity in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes, shifting from one hip to another, looking slightly annoyed but determined. "Because I forgot something important."

Jongho raised an eyebrow, leaning on the doorframe. "Oh, what did you forget?" His mind raced through the possibilities—your phone, your wallet, maybe even some clothes or maybe one of your thesis papers..

   You took a step closer, your eyes locking onto his. "You, you idiot."

Jongho blinked, taken aback. "Me?" He pointed to himself, dumbfounded.

"Yes, you," You snapped, though there was a hint of a smile playing on your lips. "I forgot that despite your flaws, despite everything, you're the one thing I can't leave behind."

Jongho chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Well, I guess I can't argue with that."

You rolled her eyes again, but the corners of your mouth twitched upward. "Of course you can't. Now, are you going to invite me in or just stand there looking like a lost puppy?"

He stepped aside, letting you in. "Welcome back, love~" You walked past him, muttering under her breath, "Next time, try not to be such a moron."

Jongho closed the door behind you, grinning, watching you place down your things on the dinner table. "I'll do my best, but no promises."

As you both sat down on the sofa, Jongho handed you the remote. "Here, you can pick what we watch. Consider it my apology." You took the remote, shaking your head with a smile, looking at him with an amused smile. "You really are an idiot, but at least you're my idiot."

Jongho laughed, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. "Yeah, and don't you forget it."

“By the way … Our proposal is approved.” 

“That’s my girl, come here.” Jongho pulled you to give a small peck on your lips.

[yawnzbf]

⚝ Are you two a couple?

// beomgyu x gender neutral reader,,

wherein yn and beomgyu when on a walk are interviewed by a nyc couples page,

,,Formatting this was a bit of a task but i hope you all like it!!

It was just another day in the bustling city, and yn and Beomgyu found solace in the routine of their shared walks. The cold air nipped at their noses, but the warmth of their clasped hands kept the winter chill at bay. As they strolled through the usually crowded streets, the city seemed to fade into the background, leaving just the two of them in their own little world.

Meetnyc²ouples: excuse me!..hello? [admin asks noticing a pair’s linked hands] are you two a couple?

Beomgyu: yeah? What [he asks skeptical, his hand never leaving yn’s]

Meetnyc²ouples: are you two a couple?

Beomgyu: yeah why? [he says getting a bit defensive]

Meetnyc²ouples: oh, would you mind telling the quick story of how you two met?

Beomgyu: oh wow! Of course! [he chimed suddenly all sunshine and rainbows then looked back at his partner silently seeking their approval]

Beomgyu: you go for it!

Yn: uh,, we met on a blind date actually, my friend and his friend decided to pit us together and it started from there, The first date was a disaster by the way, he planned to meet at a cheesecake factory?! I mean who does that- like what if I was lactose intolerant? [they comment jokingly]

Beomgyu: hey! I thought it was a very cute little date [Beomgyu pouts trying to pull his hand away]

Meetnyc²ouples: if your first date went a little off track, how’d you two end up together?

Beomgyu: oh yeah, we didn’t talk to each ither for a month after and by that time, our friends gave up on us but ,, it was my final year maybe? [he asks unsure, seeking help from his over]

Yn: yeah, he was in his final year and I was in junior maybe,, he needed a photographer for his thesis project and bugged me for two (2) weeks straight until I gave in, then using his thesis as an excuse, we started to hang out very often.

Beomgyu: also, we didn’t start dating until like what? I graduated? Yeah, and then I was the one who ultimately asked the big question. [he said accusing yn]

Yn: I was going to ask him but he beat me to it, I’ll make sure I’ll be the one to propose first (propose as in engagement in case it is difficult to understand!!) [yn muttered as Beomgyu got shy, crimson enveloping his cheeks and ears]

Yn: awh,, is my baby all shy? [yn coo-ed at their boyfriend who immediately hid away in yn’s embrace]

Meetnyc2ouples: how long have you two been dating?

Yn: eleven and..? [yn trailed off not sure, seeking help from beomgyu]

Beomgyu: and a half [he completes,, way more composed than before]

Yn: right! Eleven and a half, going strong!

Meetnyc²ouples: can I ask what is your favorite thing about each other?

Beomgyu: this is gonna sound real cliché but I think they just get me way better than anyone else I’ve ever met. I mean they truly feel like my soulmate, my best friend, life partner I mean- yeah,, I don’t know how I lived all these years without them honestly [beomgyu’s gaze is overflowing with love as he answers never looking away from yn, while yn looks away from him ears burning]

Yn: my favorite thing about Beomgyu would be his silly little text messages that I used to- and still receive, I think that laid the foundation for our relationship,, although I cant leave out the cheesy pickup lines he still uses.

Meetnyc²ouples: adorable,, what’s your favorite thing to do together?

Yn: probably exactly what you just saw us doing, since we both work and have tight schedules, we try to find time for each other and that, more often than not results in just us walking around the city, exploring new spots, new people,, uh, yeah, I just love the quality time.

Meetnyc²ouples: oh, and before we leave, what are your names?

Beomgyu: they're yn and im Beomgyu

,,I settled on c² because writing meetnyccouples would look kinda odd,, so using my big brain i squared it!! Hence the name meetnyc²ouples— thank you for coming to my Ted talk!

[escherstrange-ffxiv]

#11: Surrogate

Escher skimmed the proposal, "So what you're saying is that a thaumaturge that only casts ice can be just on par with one who casts only fire."

"Y-yes, but I feel a catalyst is required to boost its power to match it." The powder-white Au Ra wringed his hands, "A corrupted crystal would be too volatile and inconsistent for this purpose, unfortunately."

Teacher looked student in the eyes. "You want a soul crystal?"

If Au Ra tails had fur, Sirolimus's tail would have puffed up. "N-n-no! I-it doesn't have to go that far!"

Escher seemed to look through the papers rather than at it. "Tural has many things we haven't quite discovered. Perhaps we may find something that can aid you in this." He pulled out a sheet of parchment from a drawer under his desk and started writing.

"Oh, that's right. I hadn't thought of Tural! Though the fare is more than my scholarship can afford, perhaps if the Studium approves we can use some of the grant-"

"No need." Escher signed the bottom of the parchment, "I've got an idea." He got up and around his desk and clapped his hands at the students entering the lecture hall. "Class, I cannot teach Advanced Theoretical Thaumaturgy this summer as I need to be in Tural for an emergency."

The class buzzed with concerned murmurs.

Sirolimus blinked. "You can't?"

The hyur clapped a hand on Sirolimus's shoulder as he announced to the class, "Instead, Sirolimus Jules will take over for the duration. He graduated in the top ten in Thaumaturgy for his batch, you will be in good hands." He picked up a pile of papers, handing off a few sheets at a time to Sirolimus. "Here's the syllabus, the questions, the assignments, and the lesson plan. Modify and adapt to your schedule as you please as long as it generally follows the plan."

"Eh? Ehh?!" Panic was creeping up his face. "Professor Coli, wha-"

"Look, you're brilliant and this could get you halfway to your Archon mark. But you need to brush up on your public speaking skills to defend your thesis and I want to follow Adrian to Tural. We save grant money for other things and we all get what we want. Win-win situation." He gives his student two thumbs up before doing a little flourish and skip out the door. "You got this, Jules."

"Professor Coli? PROFESSOR COLI?! Uh- good-good morning class?!"

[skipplings]

Unbearably White

Kaveh x Reader, Words: 1,721

Author's Note: This fic was inspired by "Unbearably White" by Vampire Weekend which is one of my favorite songs ever. I like using songs for inspiration so there will likely be more of those as well <3 any suggestions for fics or feedback on this one are greatly appreciated! okay enjoy!!

The pages of Kaveh’s notebook always seemed to consume him. Most days, his pen seemed to move on its own when he was drafting blueprints. But lately, Kaveh has struggled to find inspiration without you in his life.

Afternoon light illuminated the mess that befell Alhaitham's kitchen table as Kaveh worked. Papers were strewn all over the place, despite the architect seemingly only pouring over a single notebook. The soft sound of the door latch opening and closing again informed Kaveh that his quiet morning alone in the house had come to an end.

“Are you seriously in the same spot I left you? You’ve been staring at that same blank notebook page since this morning.” Alhaitham stated bluntly. Kaveh let out a deep sigh and slumped over, letting his head hit the table. The pen that was in his hand dropped to the floor. “What, has all your architectural genius run out now that you’ve lost your muse?” In that moment, if Kaveh could have sunken into the table and disappeared completely, he would have. Maybe life as Alhaitham’s kitchen table would be more inspired. It had been a little over a year since you left for Fontaine, and thus a little over a year since you and Kaveh broke up.

…

“What do you mean ‘just don’t go’? This is for my thesis, Kaveh. I’ve been working up to this my whole academic career! How could you even say something like that?” You storm out of the Akademiya’s front doors waving your hand dismissively at Kaveh.

“I thought your studies were going just fine here, I don’t see why you need to go to Fontaine and be a Driyosh.” Kaveh is hot on your trail though he stumbles down the building’s front steps in his pursuit.

“I have been studying Merusea Village for years now without ever going. My research proposal finally got approved by the review board on my third try. This is my chance, Kaveh! Besides, you’re so busy with work. Maybe it would be a good thing for me to get out of your hair for a while.” Kaveh reaches out and grabs your wrist, with a huff you turn around to face him. Your eyes betray how his words have hurt you, but Kaveh still can’t help but feel like you aren’t listening to him.

“Out of my hair?! I can’t believe you!” Kaveh scolds as he drops your wrist and crosses his arms, “Maybe you’re right, maybe you are what’s holding me back! And one day you’ll tell people that before you ran off to Fontaine you dated the richest and most famous architect in Teyvat!” Kaveh watches as tears begin to form in your eyes.

“Dated..? Past tense?” Your words pierced through Kaveh. His jaw goes slack as he realizes what he said. “Fine if that’s how you really feel, don’t let me hold you back from your dreams. I’m sure as hell not letting you hold me back from mine!”

…

Although he was hurting, Kaveh tried to bury himself in his work. Luckily he was to secure a new project within the last month. However, his proposal deadline for the building’s final design was approaching and he hadn’t been able to come up with anything. The page in the notebook in front of him seemed unbearably white, blinding even. He had found himself staring at blank pages a lot in the past month. Most pages in his notebook had only a few basic shapes sketched on them, but a couple had letters he’d drafted to you. He may have actually sent them if he knew to send them, but he figured even if he could you probably wouldn’t want to hear from him.

Kaveh flipped through his notebook until he reached the cover. He traced his finger over the embossed lettering of his initials. Beneath the letters laid a message reading ‘For my genius architect and all his genius ideas’. You were of course just teasing Kaveh when you gifted the notebook to him. But now the words particularly stung after your last conversation. It didn’t occur to Kaveh how deep in thought he was until the sound of his roommate’s voice pulled him out.

“Why don’t you go get some fresh air. Try to find some inspiration in nature. Clearly my kitchen isn’t getting you anywhere.” Alhaitham suggested plainly. Kaveh grumbled in begrudging agreement as he began to gather his things. On his way out, he grabbed Mehrak and his greatsword before letting the door close slowly behind him.

Despite it being a long walk, the one place that Kaveh thought might give him an ounce of inspiration was the palace of Alcazarzaray. As he approached the palace, he realized how long it had been since he visited his masterpiece. Walking the grounds filled him with a great sense of pride. He admired how the greenery had grown in this season and how everything surrounding the palace served to complement it. Kaveh greeted the staff members cheerily, and made his way over to the fountain to sit for a while. Though when he got close he noticed the familiar face of someone already sitting beside the structure. Their expression showed that they were deep in thought as they peered into the crystalline water.

You looked up from the water to meet Kaveh’s gaze. Your face flushed as you shot up and began walking quickly away in the opposite direction of Kaveh.

“Hey, wait! Please–” Kaveh ran to catch up to you, “ What are you doing here? I didn’t think you were coming back so soon! How long have you been back?” Kaveh planted himself firmly in your path, placing his arms outstretched in a dramatic fashion. “Please just talk to me…”

You chewed on your lip anxiously and stared at your feet as you spoke.

“I just came here to clear my head…” you mumbled, “You’re so busy I know you hardly ever come here, I haven’t run into you here so far.” You glanced up nervously at Kaveh before averting your eyes to study the palace.

“You- wait so you are back? Did something go wrong with your research?” Kaveh questioned with worry, “Are you okay?” Although Kaveh’s speech was frantic and his mind was racing, he felt as if time had slowed down since laying eyes on you. His heart was beating violently in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to run away. But thoughts of you hadn’t left his mind since your departure a year ago. And he would hate himself if he gave up this chance to speak to you one last time. You were back to biting your lip, and you took a long pause before you started speaking again.

“No, I’m not back. My research is fine, thanks.” You replied curtly.

“So why are you here?” Kaveh prodded.

“Look, this isn’t your property or anything!” You snapped.

“It’s not but I’m sure I could notify Dori of any trespassers and have them removed if I so pleased.” Kaveh had no intention of following through on this threat but, you didn’t know that.

“It’s just easy for me to write when I’m here, okay?” You barked annoyedly, “And I’ve been getting homesick I guess… ” The second part was a mumble, but Kaveh managed to hear it. “Some days I catch a boat to Bayda Harbor and hike up here to draft my thesis. When I’m in Merusea Village I can hardly write anything at all.” You finally turned your head to look at Kaveh and as you did so he quickly reached up to wipe tears from his eyes.

“May I hug you?” Kaveh asked quietly. You hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. Before you knew it you were enveloped in the warm arms of your ex lover. He rested his head on yours and swayed back and forth slightly. “I’ve missed you.” Kaveh whispered into your ear as he held you.

You two remained in your embrace for sometime before Kaveh finally loosened his hold on you. When you stepped back from one another, there was a beat of silence before Kaveh spoke.

“I’m sorry about everything. I’ve had so much time to think and I should have never tried to hold you back from your research. I can’t imagine how lonely and scary it is to be a Driyosh and I should have been there for you. I want nothing more than to make it up to you.” Now it was your turn to tear up. You began nodding slowly as Kaveh spoke. “You mentioned you can’t write since leaving?”

“Yes,” you replied, “I come here because it reminds me of you. It helps me think.” A dusting of pink appeared on your cheeks as you spoke but you didn’t avert your eyes from Kaveh’s. A sheepish smile formed on his face hearing this.

“I can’t get any ideas out either. The closest I get is when I write in the notebook you gave me.” You smiled too at hearing this.

“I’m sorry I got so upset when you wanted me to stay. It was just so hard because I didn’t want to leave you either.” A sadness glimmered in your eyes when you spoke of the last argument you and Kaveh had.

“You are completely right, I should have been there for you. I was just so focused on the feeling that another person I loved was leaving me– and for Fontaine of all places...” You slapped a hand over your mouth in realization as tears began to well in your eyes.

“Oh archons Kaveh, your mother. I didn’t even think– it never even crossed my mind why my leaving for Fontaine might’ve been extra painful for you.” Kaveh began fidgeting with Mehrak in his hands. His cheeks were hot with embarrassment.

“Listen, I know you probably shouldn’t be seen in Sumeru City until you’ve completed your research. And I’m too busy to be able to go and meet you in Fontaine. But maybe we could meet in Bayda Harbor from time to time so we can share ideas with one another? And we could exchange letters in the meantime…” Kaveh trailed off as he realized he may have been a bit presumptuous. “If that’s something you’d like… I mean.”

You smiled warmly and practically lept into Kaveh’s arms. Kaveh struggled for a moment to hold both you and Mehrak before he put his briefcase down to hold you properly.

“I take that as a yes?” Kaveh lilted.

“Yes.”

[chronicparagon]

[I don’t want to cry and I hate venting but I don’t really know what to do. I don’t have anywhere to go about this and it’s getting to a point that hiding it is becoming too much.

I’ll have it under read more but it involves my grad school and fighting to get permission to start my dissertation. I don’t know if all grad schools are the same but that’s how it is for mine.

What’s weird is I started my thesis without jumping through so many hoops when I got my master’s degree.]

I’ve been having a lot of trouble with my advisor. I am done with classes and my comprehensive exam. However, I can’t get permission to enroll in dissertation credits. My advisor wouldn’t talk to me for months. I tried to reach out so many time and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I asked to change my advisor which was accepted. However, I have to search for a new one that will want to work with me. After that, the nightmare begins.

I was so close to getting that permission. But now, I have to redo my IRB at the school and hope for approval, but I also have to redo the IRB process at work since my dissertation was related to my work.

I will have to also need to see if the rest of the committee will want to work with me anymore. If they don’t want to work with any new advisor I can find, then they are out and I have to start that step over. That took me almost a year to find everyone who was willing to be in my dissertation committee. Restarting IRB will take at least a few weeks to several months.

This is not counting redoing the plan of study and possible have to start all over with my topic proposal which took a year and a half to work on and it’s not even approved to be presented and formally submitted. That would have been the last step to have that permission number to enroll for my dissertation.

I don’t think I can back out of the advisor change to save the progress. She already left and when she was working with me, she wouldn’t answer me for months. I waited for half a year for any response, only to be told I have to rewrite sections of my proposal, add more to it like policy briefs that she wanted (originally not my idea for my dissertation but I did what she told me to do).

I will say I am not leaving my grad school. I came this far for my PhD and I’m not quitting. That has never been an option.

I have people delay me and some even admit they never believed in me. My former advisor didn’t say that explicitly but how she always had me as an after thought and ignore my emails and calls, I felt that was a message.

Then, she would be unhappy with my progress in my proposal and tell me I need to do it over. It happened four times. I told myself I was being too sensitive to think my former advisor is sabotaging my work. I don’t want to be unfair and assume that . She has a lot going on like her family, work, her own research and travel. Still, that thought hasn’t left my mind since one of my coworkers told me sabotage is happening and I need to do something about it now. She is also a PhD student from another program and school and I explained my situation to her because I felt frustrated but also worried that I wasn’t giving my former advisor the grace she deserves.

I hate rushing people but I don’t have much time left. Once my time runs out, then I am removed from the program. It doesn’t matter if I never got the dissertation. When time is out, then I have to leave. The dissertation plus defense can take about 6-12 months, sometimes longer.

A lot of my cohorts who I studied with already graduated and got their doctorates. I don’t understand why I’m so behind. I got everything I could done but I was still pushed back.

I’m at a loss. All I can do is pick up the pieces and keep advocating for myself. I just need someone to listen and help me get to the final phase of my studies. I will be quiet today because I have to start searching for a new advisor and restart the process in hopes to be a candidate by the fall. This needs to be done in between my projects at work which also needs my attention.

I’m very sorry about this. The advisor change was bound to happen and I knew I may had to redo some things but not everything. Over a year’s work gone. It really hurts and honestly, I feel rejected because of all of this and searching for a new advisor.

[lunasilvis]

Thank god my thesis proposal got OFFICIALLY approved today, guys!!!! Had some sleep-destructive fear towards it after many of my classmates were refused, and the next round to start again would be September 2023 :/ I mean... cool, vacation time for another 6 months, but... I need a stable income to build my dreams and chase after my desired life. I’m turning 29, highly done with studying now.

[naritaren]

I forgot to mention this yesterday, but my thesis proposal got approved. In less than 6 months, I will have original research written and published. I will be a published author and a subject matter expert. Fucking wild to think.

[blogishdaj]

CSM liveblog - Vol 1 Ch. 14-17

Thesis proposal just got approved :'). To celebrate, a few more chapters of CSM.

I haven't really been paying attention to chapter titles but this is funny knowing what happens.

Every close-up on Aki's eyes kills me. Mans so stressed.

Blessed page.

I really hope we find out what happened with the prank lol.

Himeno my beloved

This is cute seeing him learn about relationships if we remove the context of who taught him this, and how.

Mans resolve quickly crumbles tho lol

;-;

Kishibe sighting in the flashback!

Once again love this paneling.

Do captions like these continue for the rest of the manga, up to Part 2? I love them.

On to Chapter 15.

Such a cute cover.

Sorry captions but the first thing that comes to mind is that breakdancing cat meme.

Love Himeno's expression and the Aki peeking from the corner. And the angle of this is cool.

Actually this whole page is cool and really good flow of action I love it.

Happy power :)

Man I love Himeno. Cheerful but also really pragmatic.

Kobeni 😭

Also this conversation just continues in the background while Arai is discovering the spacetime loop and I love it.

Once again really great composition, there's Arai on the stairs as the first thing the eye falls on, distinct against the lighter bg, but Denji and Power are also set off from the other members who are wearing black in the foreground.

She's just like me fr

His finger going over the speech bubble is great hahaha

Himeno 🥺

Mood.

On to Chapter 16.

Aw is he actually concerned?

>:D

On to Chapter 17

Really like this panel.

Denji just squaring up like :|

So cool. Also I don't think anime ghost hand had an eye, did it?

Huh, more lore!

Tumblr isn't letting me upload more images so I'll continue this read in another post.

[levi-rivialle-ackerman]

So I have a little rant x’3. I proposed a topic for my masters thesis (about dissociation and sleep issues) and my superviser told me it was a great idea, so I started researching and writing it and now I just got an email saying she disapproves of my topic all of a sudden. I did all that work for nothing and I would be furious if I’ll find out that she stole my topic and did research on it herself :/

"So she approved of it then disapproves of the topic when she sees it? Don't hesitate to raise hell if you find out she stole your idea because that sounds sketchy. It also would be a shitty thing to do which is obvious."

[rainbowhairedgirl-blog1]

Grad School Expectation vs Reality: The Second Year and Qualifying Exams

For most PhD programs you have the first of two "Qualifying Exams" or "Quals" at the end of your first year or beginning of your second year. Depending on the subject and how your program is set up, this could be a cumulative test on the info from all your first year classes or it's a proposal (typically an oral presentation/ mini defense of your proposal with a written portion). My program (Biomedical Sciences) did not have information heavy classes so our first qual was a proposal at the beginning of our second year.

Initially, I felt grateful that our qual was not some lofty cumulative test. In fact, the way our qual is set up is supposed to be helpful. You pick two professors to be your qual committee members and get assigned a 'chair' to help lead it. You then propose work that you'll probably do in the lab you just joined and write it in the style of a grant application. It seemed like a great way to dive into the literature on what you think your thesis will be on and the written portion could then be expanded into a grant application to get funding for yourself!

Oh my god, I did not know the hell I was in for.

I chose two female professors that were in my more specific field of study. I was excited to have great female representation in a system (academia) that sorely lacks in it. I then got assigned a chair who was also female. Badass, right? Wrong. More like "bad, she's an asshole."

Our proposal had a few intermediary due dates for sections of the written portion before our oral presentation. Unfortunately, despite the proactive approach I took meeting with each committee member individually and getting overall positive feedback, just a day or two before the first writing deadline the first event in my series of unfortunate events occurred. I received an email from my chair on behalf of the entire committee saying they had met together (without me) and had 'major concerns' about my proposal. In this lengthy, she detailed all the concerns they had and literally threatened to fail me (at the first deadline of the whole ordeal) if I didn't 'sufficiently address their concerns before the upcoming deadline.'

I don't think I have ever received such a destructive email. It was quite frankly cruel, including pointed digs at me, my character, and my ability. Luckily, my PI is amazing and was so pissed on my behalf when he read through the email. We met and I quickly sent a bullet-pointed response to their critiques. They approved the draft and I continued on. The second deadline was for the final written proposal and I was *extremely* proactive and anxious going into that. I was concerned that they would once again pull the rug out from me at the last minute with a bunch of 'issues' even though I had asked for feedback the last time. It would take too long to detail the following interactions but it was a string of back-and-forth emails with me trying to avoid the previous disaster and stress and the chair just twisting my words to dig at me and my PI. It was super bizarre, especially in hindsight, as he is the lead PI of a grant she's a co-investigator for and they have a good working relationship. Anyways, it was honestly extremely anxiety-inducing but I got my written proposal finished and approved.

Last, came the oral presentation; this was a slideshow presentation of the proposal where your committee gets to grill you throughout. They can ask you basically any question, in theory related to the project and considerations/background info you should have. At this point, I've had an objectively poor experience with this committee and I'm a wreck, worried about them just decimating me. The chair had made it clear that they approved my written proposal but lowkey hated the project I was proposing. Important note: I was basically going to work on biological technology development for my thesis but my committee insisted I write my proposal on a singular disease. Doing so, I had to write a proposal involving work I knew I wouldn't do myself (ie I'm an in vitro scientist but half of my proposal was on in vivo mouse work) but they said it was fine because 'I didn't have to actually do the work I was proposing.' So I was going into my oral presentation basically know that my committee was already prejudiced against my proposed project and they would likely grill me on aspects of science I don't actually work in. Couple that with the original threat of not passing me, I honestly was concerned about passing my qual.

As part of the COVID class (incoming 2020), I did get to choose if I would do my oral presentation in-person or virtually. I was grateful to defend my proposal from the comfort of my own apartment, with my partner in the other room, able to put a little cheat sheet on the white board in front of me. I was extra grateful when my committee did in fact continue on to grill me. I walked out of that meeting as a charred crisp. They had asked questions, one member even arguing with me saying 'you'll never be able to do this' when I was trying to tell her that my lab had literally successfully done it many times. My committee went into a breakout room to deliberate and I walked out to my boyfriend and started crying. I told him I wasn't sure they were going to pass me and he just gave me a hug. I didn't know at the time, but he had already told his boss he might have to leave their 1:1 meeting early because it had not sounded like my presentation was going well in the other room.

I returned to my computer and my committee came back. My chair says, "I just want to start off my saying that we think you did a good job and we can really see that you put a lot of work into this... that being said..." and my heart dropped. I knew she was about to fail me. My chair finally spits out "Congratulations." I stare at her dumbfounded, my eyes wide. She laughs and says--WORD FOR WORD--"What? You didn't actually think we were going to fail you, did you?"

I was flabbergasted. The audacity of the lady who had made the past 3 months of my life a living hell to mock my anxieties? To act as if the trauma she had put me through was silly? It made it seem like her actions were intentional and I had never felt so small. I sobbed after the whole thing was over. I was relieved to have passed but I was left facing the aftermath of having my anxiety ratcheted up from my quals.

----------------------------

So, yeah. That was the oh-so-fun start to my second year of grad school. I thought things would have gotten better after my COVID-y first year; I thought I was going to settle into a lab and really figure out my project. Instead I got some trauma to work through and heightened anxiety (and I already had generalized anxiety). I struggled to figure out what I was doing and what my thesis story would end up being exactly. I watched the new 1st years in my program get integrated into our department, saw them have all the things we should have had. My second year was tougher than I thought it would be.

[songofsilentechoes]

"Correct. Vance studies are usually very rigid, and deviating from the traditions laid out is generally frowned on. However, most students, even the most ardent Vances, find it somewhat stifling. The thesis project does different things depending on who you ask. Some use it to scare newer Vances as they're thrust into mastering the chaotic forces of magic without the guide rails. It can be dangerous. Some find it controls the younger mages, as it gives them an outlet for creativity. If approved, it can be proposed to add to the curriculum, which also adds to the Order's magical development, albeit rather slowly."

"Most students simply find it liberating or intimidating. It's very common to use flashy and bombastic spells. In that way, mine is mundane and practical. Another thing I got teased for." She sighs.

"You're correct, though! The lack of visuals might have helped my little spite-fueled thesis, but it's also a practical choice. The spell it's based off of creates an object in the color of one's own mana, which can be beautiful and personal. But to apply other images to it, or define it's material composition requires more mana to adjust it from it's default form."

"My spell removes a couple steps from the formula, removing the visuals, some adherence to physics, and sound....or at least the potential of it. Blocks aren't normally known for it, but it was a redundancy that could be cut."

"The other aspect of it, which is where I think it really shines, is the lack of a defined shape as part of the spell itself. The spell it was based on was a conjuration spell for a simple block. I removed the defined dimensions of it, and instead make it part of the gestures."

As she speaks, she traces the dimensions of a cube in the palm of her hand. She then offers the invisible cube to Iyana for inspection.

"So, I use my fingertips to define the area. Physical touch, like placing my hands on an invisible wall, or defining the dimensions of an invisible box. I can do it without the gestures, but it's much harder to perform complex shapes....and since they can't be seen....well, rarely useful."

"I'm particularly proud of my ability to even using it to make complex and curved shapes. Spirals, spines, spheres, cones, models of things. They're much less practical, and it tests my limits, but I think it's pretty good."

She then moves her fingers around, like she's twisting some clay in the palm of her hand. After a bit, she then offers it to Iyana. It feels like a coil or simple spring.

Noelle glances at the circles, but doesn't recognize the model. She'd started to recognize some of Iyana's fidgets, and decided not to pry into it.

The question was an unexpected one, however.

"My specialization? I didn't have one for the longest time. I wasn't strong enough to distinguish myself in any particular sphere of magic. It got to a point where I wasn't sure I would be able to finish my thesis."

"I didn't want my bullies to have the last laugh, though. So I worked hard, and made an unconventional thesis on Conjuration. Most of my peers favored flashy magic, since the thesis project is a rare assignment with few restrictions, like other lessons at the academy. Most assumed I might do one with Illusion, given my silence."

"I decided to lean into their teasing. If they would call me a mime, I would show them how useful 'mime magic' could be, with creative application."

"So, my strongest spell I can cast without a ritual, is conjuring invisible blocks and barriers. Because I worked hard on my specialization, and because I know the spell inside and out, I'm able to cast it easier than I should be able to...so it's well within my magical limits." She seems rather pleased with her accomplishment.

[joeguk]

.

[archivegeo]

Practice maps I made last week, 4 of the 7 rejections I got, the painting I started last night, and the lovely first words of an approval notice.🌿

(I officially accepted my offer to attend 🇮🇪UCDublin for the MScR in geospatial data analysis. Proposed thesis on mobility in over-exploited mining towns/soil destabilization.)

[getoutofmyjaneway]

Beta Cannon: the Pre Voyager Era of Kathryn Janeway | Mosaic v The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

This weekend, I got a copy of the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway from a local book store. For how frequently we speak about Mosaic in the community (despite having some flaws) I was shocked that I had not heard a lot about this book and assumed it was a bad thing. And yeah in some regards it was (see @mia-cooper’s post on the subject). I have a lot of feelings (I’ll post a proper review at a later point) but one thing that did stick out to me is the divergence from what we have considered Beta Canon, aka, the extended universe of Star Treks told through novels, short stories, video games, etc. After completing the novel, I jumped right into my old standby copy of Mosaic, which has dictated a lot of Janeway’s back story since 96. Both of these novels cover the beginnings of Janeway’s life and how she was shaped into the woman we know. 

TLDR The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway changes a lot of things for no reason. Some of these are for the good. Some for the bad. And some, for like no good reason at all, like it was fine as it was, and was accepted cannon for like 25 years, but sure fine whatever.

I will mention that, as Mosaic has been a book in my library and I have read it too many times, so of course, I do have a bias toward it. Additionally, I feel like it is fair to mention here that authors of Fanfiction have leaned on this as their bibles since 1996 as Mosaic is written by Jeri Taylor, one of the show-runners for Voyager. Because of its connection with a showrunner, Mosaic is also integrated into the canon of the show. It seems that most points that are taken from Mosaic in the Autobiography are only included because of their existence in cannon material.

Anyway, this review is going to focus on the characters that shape Kathryn and I will end with my final thoughts. This is long so to respect your dash, you are going to have to click keep reading. You’re welcome.

Obligatory Spoiler Warning for ALL of Mosaic, chapter 13 of Pathways, and chapters 1-7 of The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway

Edward Janeway

In all media, I feel like we can safely say that Kathryn Janeway is in fact a daddy’s girl. Her relationship with her father is very important to her, so it is interesting to see how it is portrayed very differently in both novels. In Mosaic, a lot of the highlights of Janeway’s earlier years revolve around time spent with him. From giving her special attention after ‘Your Sister’ was born, to consoling her after her losing tennis match and subsequent walk home in the rain, and trips to Mars, Kathryn mentions great fondness of quality time spent. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway he is more described as an absent father, one that she always wanted to see and please. When he was home, she wanted all of his attention and to impress him greatly. She wished to follow in his footsteps after gaining a love of flight and the stars with a plane ride and a telescope he gave her. He tried to prepare her by detaining the events of the current conflict with Cardassia and inviting Starfleet brass over for dinner. Overall, in her early childhood, it makes more sense for Edward to not be around often. There is not a lot of conflict between the sources, other than the details of the aforementioned tennis match and different childhood nicknames.  

Edward is in a crash aboard an experimental ship on Tau Ceti Prime which leads to his death. This is where the big differences begin. In Mosaic, Kathryn and her fiancé are also on board. In  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, Kathryn is still on the Al-Batani. The fall out of this event has a great effect on Kathryn of course in both novels. As this is a missive shaping event of Kathryn’s life, I felt it very jarring to be changed. This moment shaped Janeway and gives us good context for why she handles situations the way she does. I see this trauma and I understand her character better, for dealing with the loss of two of the most important people in her life all at once.

Gretchen Janeway

The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway was good to Gretchen Janeway as her character is basically a blank slate. We know little about her from Mosaic as it mostly focuses on Kathryn’s relationship with her father (and other male influences in her life). It is nice to learn more things about Grechen as with Edward’s job, it is likely that Kathryn was mainly raised by her. Other than being an artist, she also wrote some of the Flotter holos and wrote a number of children’s stories about the people of Bajor during the occupation. She does a lot of humanitarian work with the refugees from Bajor during the occupation. She loves to garden and get her daughters involved. She has a close bond with Phoebe due to their overlapping interests, but you can tell that she strives to support her in what she does. Overall, I like getting know Gretchen to be someone of than Kathryn’s mother.

Phoebe Janeway

 I was shocked when researching Memory Alpha for this review, Phoebe is never named in any Cannon media up to this point (Star Trek Prodigy could very well change this). We know Janeway has a sister and she is an artist, but that is it. Both novels keep her very similar personality-wise. In both stories, Kathryn is not looking forward to being a big sister. They also both mourn the loss of their father together. In Mosaic, she is not mentioned much. Kathryn tells her she is not old enough on an off planet trip and Phoebe plays pranks on her. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway goes much more into depth. They don’t get along when they are younger. They fight a lot. I feel this is a very realistic portrayal of real siblings, vying for attention and approval, snapping when they don’t get their way.  They both excel at what they do, Kathryn in her studies and Phoebe through her art. They seem to need to one-up each other at every turn.  As they grow up, they grow closer together, as many siblings do. Points added for giving Phoebe a wife, something which has been included in a lot of fanfiction. Overall, there are no big conflicting points.

Mark Johnson

Kathryn’s fiance at the time of the Voyager’s disappearance, Mark is a very different part of Kathryn’s life in both novels. In Mosaic, he is a childhood friend and went by his middle name Hobbs. Seemingly always two steps behind Kathryn, he did a lot of the same activities that she did, tennis and swimming in the underground cave systems. He did these poorly, and this makes Kathryn always look down upon him. They reconnected after her father’s death and she fell head-over-heels for him. Personally, I always felt this was a little uncharacteristic of Kathryn, to run away from her responsibilities to be with a man. It just seems very out of character and has always bothered me. The  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway takes a completely different approach. She meets Mark as a friend of Pheobe and her wife as a widower. They hit it off and they fall hard. You can see the conflict in Kathryn as she debates how to move forward with a relationship as they have different outlooks on life. She has a drive to explore but does not want to be an absent parent. She debates quitting, which I don’t think is something Janeway would have ever done. Overall she decides to accept Mark’s proposal just before taking command of Voyager. This makes the Dear John situation a lot more believable as it makes sense that he would want to move on with his life much quicker. Overall, I have to just ask, why? I know Mark doesn’t have a lot of character, but why change basically their whole relationship dynamic? 

Justin Tighe

Justin is a character I actually like for selfish reasons. This explains why I was very miffed that he was nowhere to be seen in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Justin is Kathryn’s first love, they were coworkers, engaged and in love, and dies in the same accident that takes her father. As a person who always wanted Chakotay and Janeway to get together, this incident perfectly gives the reason. She is afraid to get romantically involved with a crew member because of the nature of the job. This dynamic is seen between Picard and Nella Daren in TNG very well. Kathryn has learned the hard way that she can lose a person under her command and how it feels when you are in love with that person. In early Voyager, you can see she isolates herself from the crew and it takes time for her to get comfortable. And during Night she relapses to her old ways. This is the way I have always justified Janeway’s reluctance to have a romantic relationship during their time in the Delta Quadrant. By understanding her background, I have a lot of respect for that choice. Her relationship with Justin really shaped how she handles relationships and without the impact he had on her life, it actually makes her character weaker.

Owen Paris

Owen is Kathryn’s mentor. In Mosaic, they meet as he is reviewing her junior honors thesis advisor on massive compact halo objects. From here they gained a relationship built on respect and learning. It makes sense that, as he was her personal mentor, that she would be close with his family, and why she would seek out Tom as a person to bring with her to the Badlands mission. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, she does not meet him until she is on the Al-Batani. This doesn’t only weaken her relationship with Admiral Paris, but moreover weakens her relationship with Tom. If he was her superior officer, why would she develop such a ‘big sister’ mentality to Tom if she didn’t have as many opportunities to meet him?

Tuvok

Mosaic does not go too much in depth with Tuvok and Janeway’s relationship, but its sister novel Pathways does. In Pathways, Tuvok meets Janeway when he is an ensign under her command of the USS Bonestell. The Bonestell and the Billings, two ships that Janeway served on, tend to get confused a lot. Most sources have Janeway’s first command as the Voyager, Including Voyager itself -  “It doesn't seem like my first command is shaping up the way I expected,” Janeway Shattered. The Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway has her and Tuvok meet on the Al-Batani. I actually really like the dynamic between them, as they grow to respect each other over a much longer period of time. I also like that, though Janeway climbs through the ranks, it does not change their relationship dynamic as she still relies on him and asks him advice as if they were equals. I think giving them a longer time to build their relationship. Also would like to note that Janeway and Tuvok also had a friendship with the original CMO of Voyager, Dr. Fitzgerald. I always wanted to know more about the Pre-Caretaker crew and I would have loved to see this dynamic and how the grief of losing a close personal friend in the Caretaker incident would impact them both.

Also I feel obligated to shout out the Janeway and Tuvok story in Star Trek Waypoint One-Shot. I need to get around to doing a series retrospective, but this short story I have not seen anyone talk about and I love it so much. Please read Waypoint. Okay next.

Other characters

Cheb - Janeway’s boyfriend in Mosaic. He was kind of an asshole and got her into trouble. He is not in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway and I see no problem with this.

Boothby - “[he is the] head groundskeeper at Starfleet Academy. When I was a cadet, he used to give me fresh roses for my quarters,” Janeway Revulsion. Boothby is not in Mosaic. In the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway, it is explained that her mother loved to garden and this was something that Boothby did as a gradian figure to make her feel at home and destress. Makes sense.

Aisha - A childhood friend of Katheryn’s. Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Mosaic has this weird thing about highlighting the relationships with only the men in her life, so it is nice to see her have some other female friends.

Nexa - Katheryn’s roommate at the Academy.  Only in the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. Nexa helps broaden Kathryn’s horizons by helping to learn about Exoliguisticts, first contact, and the Betazoid culture. Again nice to see her have other female friends.

Riker - Yes they go on a date in Mosaic. He is not mentioned in the  Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway. I know he is a gag character but I still liked it.

-----------------------

Final Thoughts

A lot of characters were changed between these two novels. There is a lot to like and a lot to hate. I really like what the Autobiography of Kathryn Janeway did with characters like Tuvok and Gretchen Janeway. Other characters were not so lucky (Justin, sweetie I’m so sorry that they would erase you like that, oh my god). It’s a mixed bag, but one thing I need say is... why?

We have had a good thing going here with the established canon as is. Mosaic (and Pathways) is the foundation of which the last 25 years of fanworks and the relaunch novels are based on. Why change history when it is already written?

Always, would love to hear your thoughts and thank you for reading my novel of a post. I will see you in the full review.

[chronicparagon]

Small rant

[ My advisor is very nice but I don’t know why she wanted me to include a policy brief in my proposal…only to now want something else like a program proposal or evaluation report. Those things will take time to figure out. Even before the actual research happens, I would have to come up with plans for them. I want to get this proposal approved so I can present it, formally submit it, and finally, FINALLY enroll for dissertation credits.

I didn’t have to jump through so many hoops when I was finishing my masters degree. There was already a committee who would pass judgment on my thesis and I could just enroll for my thesis without this mess of prerequisites. Maybe it’s because every university and grad school are different by how they handle candidates for master and doctoral programs.

I understand requiring IRB reviews. I had to get two IRB boards involved because it includes data I have some my job and need to give everyone guarantees on patient privacy. Reviews from one board can take months. Needing reviews from more than one is more difficult. But that part is done and got approvals. I just want to enroll for dissertation so I don’t have to push my graduation with my doctorate back another semester. I hated to comprehensively exam because graders tore into my proposals and reflections. I passed after serious edits but I’m still a bit sensitive about it.

I just want to graduate and be a doctor. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m incredibly stubborn and won’t quit despite the hurdles and moving goal posts.]