#but my plotrabbids are juiced by carbonated sweet drinks right now

[teecupangel]

I just had this hilarious thought

What if Desmond turned into a rat after touching the eye

He could still be in the modern era or he could be sent back in time (could be AltDes-) and he just tries to help anyway he can be it retrieving documents or things or distracting guards because his body is too small for anything else

It might be because I just watched a youtube video talking about favorite Pixar movies but I just imagine Desmond Ratatouille-ing some poor Assassin so he can do more than just retrieve items or be a distraction.

Like, just imagine him Ratatouille-ing Kadar and both Malik and Altaïr knew something is wrong because Kadar is moving a bit weird BUT he is also moving better than he ever did.

It didn’t take long before they learned about the rat that can control Kadar by just grabbing his hair.

And Desmond was just going “fuck it!” when he started piloting Kadar, wondering if he could do something as weird as that one animated movie he watched in a bootleg DVD he bought from the shady dude behind the 7-Eleven near his apartment.

Altaïr gets the idea of experimenting if Desmond could ‘pilot’ anyone while Malik thinks they should bring the rat to Al Mualim. Desmond uses Kadar to tell Malik that:

He’s gonna scutter away and they’d never see him again if they try to bring him to Al Mualim

Oh, and Al Mualim is a Templar.

Anyway, the trio decides to try and find evidence of Al Mualim’s treachery while keeping this supposed Apple (Desmond’s words… using Kadar’s mouth) safe and away from Al Mualim.

So now, we have three rogue Assassins that may or may not ask help from Alamut? Malik stresses they need to find proof first before they request help from Alamut. Desmond didn’t even know Alamut could help in this situation. Altaïr didn’t know that as well and Desmond was just like “aaahh, so that’s why I don’t know.”

But, but, but…

More importantly!

We now have the best setup for Altaïr and Desmond flirting…

Using Kadar as a messenger!

Like, just imagine Malik staring in horror as his little brother and the most annoying man he ever knows flirt and then Kadar would be looking at Malik as if to say “IT’S NOT ME! IT’S THE RAT!” with his expression which gets overridden by Desmon piloting him to flirt back to Altaïr again.

Then Altaïr starts courting Desmond by giving gifts… to Kadar… and Kadar is just like “Oh, Altaïr, I do not see- Oh. These are small… food… Oh! This is for Desmond. Yes. Of course. (sssiigghhh)”

And Altaïr starts using the Apple to figure out how to change Desmond back to being human with Desmond helping then Kadar has to listen to Altaïr say something like “Even if we cannot find a way to return you to your human form… my feelings for you would not change.”

And Kadar is torn between becoming goo from all the fluff and thinking “help, someone please help, just, just tap out, tap out, change player, someone please be Desmond’s new mech!”

Oh, and I guess Abbas can get his ass kicked because he’s been tasked to hunt down the trio with some of Masyaf’s best.