#but my mother's shitty step dad was called dave

[joyridingmp3]

fleshing out my name

[letarasstuff]

Ranting

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you like it :)

Summary: In the middle of midterms, Spencer's daughter has enough and for the first time in her life, she rants to the team

Warnings: one swear word, school, school stress, mental breakdown, shitty friends, a bit of angst (but there is fluff to balance that out), weird grammatical sentences that are according to google correct

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________ As a teenager, Spencer was pretty closed off. But this had several reasons, like being a child (or moreover a teen prodigy) at college and getting his first Ph.D, or that he hadn’t had a safety net of people he could have gone to. So as he became a father himself, he tried everything possible to assure his own daughter that her feelings and thoughts are always welcome and valid.

Unfortunately (Y/N) herself has developed the same habit starting high school and ever since Spencer can’t do anything to get her to open up to him. It’s not like they don’t have a good relationship, they have one of the strongest father-daughter bonds the BAU has ever witnessed. The girl simply has other ways to cope with her feelings and how to act them out in the safety of her own four walls. Her father learned to accept it, knowing that he can’t and won’t force her to talk to him.

So what follows now not only shocked Spencer. But also his work family.

It’s the time every teen in high school dreads: Midterms.

A word a teacher can mutter and a shiver goes through the rows of students in the classroom. Or at least it feels like it to (Y/N). She takes her school work very seriously. In her mind every single grade determines her future.

The rational part in her knows that the grades in her sophomore year doesn’t matter. That they are even long forgotten when she graduates. There is just so much pressure on her. But it isn’t coming from her father.

Spencer is pretty laid-back regarding school. He knows his daughter is trying her best and that it’s just the tenth grade and not the end of the world. School is not everything life has to offer, especially he has to know it as a scholar and profiler flying through the country in a jet back and forth.

It’s (Y/N)’s classmates, who pressure her to get good grades.

“We depend on you and your notes”, Tyler exclaims as he jogs next to her through the busy hallway. “Ty, I know. But I don’t have the time to get them done for all of you to understand by tomorrow. They are still a mess that only I know to see through. I still have to finish my history project and I go to my Dad’s work this afternoon, which means I won’t get much done and I still have to do the homework I got today before sorting my notes for the test in two days.”

At her locker, the boy still doesn’t let go of the subject. “Do you want to say that our grades don’t matter as much as yours? Because this would be a true selfish statement.” Maybe it is the lack of sleep, because she pulled three all-nighters in two weeks, or the fact that she is slowly getting fed up being treated like an unpaid private teacher, but (Y/N) can’t stop her sassy answer. “Tyler, you wouldn't even know how to tell apart your ass from your head if it weren’t for me and my help in biology. You wouldn’t even know how to spell selfish if I didn’t let you copy my answers in spelling tests in elementary school.”

Done with the day and her friend’s shit, she slams the door of her locker shut and leaves a flabbergasted boy behind. Half an hour later the teenager enters the bullpen with her visitor badge clipped to the pocket of her sweater.

On the way there she was fuming. The audacity of her friends. It’s not only Tyler, who tried to get her notes of a unit, she was the only one listening, even though the teacher said loud and clear that this will be important for midterms. A few other friends out of the group she usually hangs out with texted her the same question of when her notes will be given to them. Understandably, (Y/N) comes into the office in the worst mood anyone from the team ever saw, including her own father.

“Hey Sweetheart”, he tries to greet her with a hug. Even though both of them are not big on touch, they are extra affectionate with people they are close to.

To everybody’s surprise, the girl takes a step back, effectively avoiding his open arms. “Hey”, she grumbles out before taking a seat in the chair already waiting for her. Nobody is allowed to sit in this one, except for her. Not even Derek has ever put his butt on this one, knowing the sacredness of it.

Without sparing anyone another glance, (Y/N) gets the needed stuff for that history project out and continues working on it. The team resorts to throwing a questiongly look to Spencer, who shrugs his shoulders with a look of despair. So everyone resumes their work without even daring to say a word.

The general silence is occasionally broken by an unnerved sigh leaving the teenager’s lips. “Is the conference room occupied?” She asks, her voice clearly showing how annoyed she is. Her father shakes his head. “No, not that I know of. Do you need help with your school work?” This is obviously the wrong thing to say. “Do I look like a baby? I don’t need anyone to help with that, I have been going to school for ten years now, I think I can handle this project as perfectly fine as I did since day one. It’s just your keyboard typing that will be the reason for my first grey hairs if I don’t get out of here soon.”

Quickly (Y/N) gathers her stuff and storms off into the conference room. Immediately the team crowds her father’s desk. “What happened?” “Who hurt her?” “Go, talk to her!”

“Guys, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m at the same loss as all of you. The only thing I know is that (Y/N) is under pressure, because it’s midterms. But judging by the way she reacted, I don’t want to go near her. It’s safer to try to defuse a bomb than talk to her in that mood. Last time I saw something similar, her favorite show was declared finished, got a revival and then didn’t get one and nobody mentioned it again. She was so mad, I think it took three years of her life.” A silence of uncertainty spreads through the room.

“What about we give her some room until she calms down?” JJ suggests, being unsure herself how to deal with a teenage girl. But the rest agrees and goes back to filling out their paperwork.

This continues for about 20 minutes, till a loud bang and a frustrated scream is heard followed by “DON’T THEY WANT TO GET IT OR ARE THEY JUST STUPID?!” Alerted by that, seven people (yes, even Dave and Aaron leave their offices, while Penelope was already in the bullpen) storm into the round table room only to see a more than outraged (Y/N).

“Sweetheart”, Spencer speaks to her in the gentlest voice they ever heard from him and slowly moves towards his daughter, “What’s going on?”

Her response is delayed by several deep breaths she has to take in order to be able to talk without seething. “ALL OF MY SO CALLED FRIENDS ARE ASKING ME FOR MY NOTES, like do I look like a personal tutor? And when I tell them that I got a life, a life outside of school and grades, because otherwise I go completely bananas, just like all of you say, they get mad. Now they act like I’m the most selfish person in the whole world. I’m so done, can’t they understand that they are old enough to take care of their own stuff? I’m not responsible for them, their grades or anything regarding their lives. Otherwise I would be the mother of at least four toddlers and one baby and at the age of sixteen I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. I know friends are there for eachother, and I really don’t mind helping them from time to time. But what they are doing is terror. Terror.

“Oh and don’t get me started on their tormention if I get something lower than an A-. Then they suddenly transform into geniuses, like they suddenly know everything possible. Of course, I’m the dumb one. I should have studied more.

“I am under an insane amount of pressure, because I know they rely on me, but enough is enough. I tell them that if anyone asks me for anything school related again and they act like I owe them an answer, I’ll cut off all ties to all of them. What am I, a roboter just there for their needs, without some of my own?”

After her long rant, (Y/N) takes a couple more breaths. It’s pretty much the only sound right now, because the team is stunned. None of them heard her talking, no ranting, like that. Not even her Spencer has seen her like that.

Realizing what she just said, the teenager fidgets nervously with her hands. “I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, you know, blow up like that. I, I really don’t know where this came from.” Nervously she scratches the back of her head. It really wasn’t her intention to let it out like that. Her plan was just to come home tonight and deal in the confinement of her own four walls with all of her feelings. It’s easier to be honest to yourself when you are alone than having an audience watching you losing it.

Suddenly (Y/N) finds herself engulfed in a massive bear hug. “Oh, my sweet sweet summerchild. You needed to rant to us and I’m so happy you did. Even though your uhm, friends, sound like big douchebags, we can help you sort something out”, Penelope tells her while keeping her arms around the teen.

“Just like lil mama said, we are here for you, Baby Reid. Don’t ever be afraid to tell us something, may it even be as small as you having stubbed your toe.” Morgan ruffles her hair and gives her a reassuring smile.

Just like them everybody shows her their support, be it encouraging words or affectionately gestures. Rossi invites her to a calm and quiet dinner at his mansion, cooking class included. Hotch assures her that she will get through this rough patch, with or without these fake people. JJ suggests (Y/N) comes over to her home and she can participate in a family game night at their home.

When it’s Emily’s turn, she makes sure to get her message loud and clear by looking the teen in the eyes (not as deep as it sounds, because some people make an intense stare really uncomfortable): “If those kids give you a hard time again, tell me. I’ll pay them a visit in classic protective godmother fashion, because nobody traits MY godchild like this. Just give me their names and I’ll handle the rest.” Obviously she doesn’t say this aloud in front of everyone, else Hotch will have her head, knowing she goes through with her threats. Instead she whispers it into the teen’s ear. Still, it makes (Y/N) smile, having such a strong support net.

Sensing the family’s need for time of their own to talk about the whole situation, the team leaves the room. Spencer gestures to her to take a seat after moving two chairs opposite each other. He wants her not to feel trapped.

“Do you still want to talk about it? It doesn’t have to be now, we can do it tonight, tomorrow, in a week or in a month. Just, please don’t shut me out. I know it’s difficult to be a teenager, especially in times like these. But it won’t do you any good keeping all of this for yourself. Today you took it out through anger. How will it look next time?

I don’t want to pressure you into talking. We don’t need to. We can find other coping mechanisms. We can try and reduce your stress. Anything. But we both know that this is not the right way.” While speaking, he takes his daughter’s hand, making her look up to him.

(Y/N) nods. Her eyes fill with tears. “I just can’t keep going like this.” She whispers, feeling all the stress, pressure and the intensity of the last few weeks crashing down on her. Quickly Spencer gathers her in his arms, letting her cry in his embrace.

After calming down, she looks up to her father with bloodshot eyes. “We can talk tonight. But I need you to do me a favor.” “Anything”, he assures her, stroking a hand along her back. “I, uhm, I need a new phone. I may or may not have thrown mine against the wall after getting a text from Tyler.”

Spencer looks at the crooked cell laying on the floor, the screen cracked. “I think we can get that sorted”, he tells her with a smile and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

The two of them leave the office earlier, having many things to talk about and many problems to solve. But with the help of her family (Y/N) gets through this, a time where people unfortunately only like her for her smarts and not being herself.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187 @kneelforloki

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

[swimfuel]

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

[kumkaniudaku]

Hii! I was hoping if I could request a little short? A fluffy Daveed Short. Reader is sad about her family being shitty and he comforts her? Thank you! I love your blog🥺😭✨❤️

“Mom...mom, will you let me talk? Just let me talk!”

A dark cloud seemed to hover over your head as you leaned against the kitchen counter with your head in your hands.

Each week your mother would call and share some good news about your older brother before inevitably adding in a snide comment about how you should be “further along.” In the background, your step-dad would add to the conversation with advice you hadn’t solicited and, by the end of the call, you’d be reduced to tears.

In the other room, Daveed bopped his head along to a Tame Impala song that inspired him, oblivious to the hell erupting in the kitchen.

“Your brother is opening a new firm. Why don’t apply to be a secretary?”

“I have a job mom. I’m a brand manager.”

“Social media is not a job, sweetheart,” your step-father spoke up.

“Then why do they send me checks every other week, David?”

Before you could wrangle in your word vomit, you had snapped. The line went silent. You felt your heart beat wildly in your chest despite the small sense of accomplishment bubbling in the pit of your belly. You’d waited you entire adult life to speak to him that way.

Your mother cleared her throat before speaking. “I will not allow you to speak to your father that way.”

“He’s not my dad. He’s Benjamin’s dad. But, I am your daughter whether you like it or not. And I’m starting to think you don’t like it!”

“Now, you listen to me. I..”

“No, Ma, you listen to me. Don’t call again unless you’re going to respect me. I’ve worked my ass off to get your attention and I’m done. Consider yourself uninvited to the wedding. We’ll find a way to reimburse you for the catering. I don’t like trout anyway.”

Before your mother could try and guilt you into an apology, you hung up and placed your phone face down on the counter. You hadn’t expected to feel so sad about finally standing up to her. Months of planning didn’t prepare you for the actual moment. It also didn’t prepare for the onslaught of tears that began to leave puddles on your white button up.

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re a kick ass brand manager.”

Your head snapped up to focus on Daveed resting against the kitchen’s entryway. Scrambling to wipe your face smeared your mascara, further frustrating a tense situation.

“She’s gonna tell Nana and then I’ll have to hear a speech from her.”

“Nana’s on your side more than you know.”

“Yeah right,” you huffed.

Daveed took long strides to close the gap between you two, his bare feet beating against the cold tile on the floor. He wrapped you into a warm hug and rested his chin on top of your head.

His palms rested flat against your back to press you into his torso before making broad rubbing motions. “Nana’s the homie. I promise, she has your back. We made a deal.”

“Oh yeah? What was that?”

“She sticks up for you and I sneak her a couple Hershey Kisses when we go visit her on the weekends.”

An unexpected laugh erupted from your throat, giving Daveed permission to join in. When the room went silent, he continued to rock you from side to side. His lips dropped feather soft kisses on your forehead, a silent display of his never ending love.

As much as he wanted you to get a long with your mother, he recognized the need to effectively distance yourself from an incredibly toxic environment. He planned to support you either way.

“I’m proud of you,” he spoke into the crown of your head before kissing the spot. “You did what you had to do and stood up for yourself. That’s badass. She’ll come around. And, if she doesn’t, then we have one less thank you card to send after the wedding.”

“I thought we agreed on thank you fruit cakes?”

“That’s just rude.”

You laughed into Daveed’s chest, enjoying his warmth and the rumbling of his chest as he laughed with you.

“I love you,” you declared before standing on your top toes to press your lips against his for a quick but sweet kiss. “I ain’t gone ever stop loving you.”

“Oh, thank God. I was so worried you’d change your mind.”

His lighthearted banter erased all of your nervous energy and replaced it with a happiness that couldn’t be replaced. You would focus on your dysfunctional family another day. Daveed’s love was enough to last a lifetime.

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It: Part Five

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC)

Also featured this chapter: Jared Padalecki, Gen Padalecki, Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Dee Harris, and mentions of Kim Rhodes, Mark Pellegrino, Jason Manns, Richard Speight, Jr.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part five is from Y/N’s POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Two songs linked in this chapter, “Do I Move You” & “Up Cripple Creek” go back directly to this playlist. 

A HUGE shout out to @closetspngirl​ for putting together Jensen’s & the reader’s gorgeous wardrobe for the NYE party. Also for not only being my beta, but helping me write the G-D thing. Your input, suggestions, and overall inspiration has been a game changer.

Chapter Summary: Reeling from a visit with her Ex while home for Christmas, Y/N goes back to Austin to get ready for the Padalecki’s New Year’s Eve party. That event turns everything upside for both Y/N and Jensen.

Chapter Warnings: Language, Talk of Break-Ups, Angst, Fluff, 

WC: You don’t wanna know... Trust me.

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

Y/N stood at the kitchen counter, her fingers gripping the butcher’s block so hard it was turning her knuckles white. She tried to regulate her breathing, which would help slow the relentless pounding of her heart being fueled by the adrenaline rush of seeing Nathan again after so many years.

“It’s really good to see you,” he started, the tenor of his voice instantly drowning her in memories. The quiver that lived beneath it wasn’t lost on her either. In fact, she relished that he was nervous. Y/N hoped he was scared as hell.

“What do you want, Nathan?” she asked, finally turning to face him.

“Just to talk. To—”

“Bullshit. If you wanted to talk, there are phones for that.”

“You would have taken my call?”

“Probably not,” she shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest.

“See. Figured the drop by was better.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and began to slowly walk around the bungalow. “Wow, the place still looks exactly the same. It's crazy…” he trailed off and snorted a laugh when he gazed at the pictures along the walls. “I actually miss it.”

“What?”

“The bungalow. You. Our life.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and felt the urge to scream at him to go. Her fingers crawled up and once again clutched her charm. “I won’t ask again, Nathan. What do—”

“…I want… yeah, I’m getting there. This isn’t easy, okay?” He sighed dramatically, something he had always done and plopped down onto the couch.

“I couldn’t care less how hard, whatever it is you wanna say, is for you to say. You ran out of sympathy from me when I came home and found every single one of your belongings gone. Hell, even before that. Because of you and your debts that you left me with, I had to borrow ten grand off of Leo. I’m still paying that back!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m working now and I promise I’ll repay you. I was such a dick for leaving how I did. I was fucked up, babe. I was gambling and drinking and using—I was a mess.”

“I remember,” she sighed, exasperated and tired. She wanted him to go so she could melt back into the happy state she was in just after getting off the phone with Jensen. “So last chance to tell me why you’re here and bringing back those bad memories.”

“They weren’t all bad,” he said with that crooked smile. “We had some good ones.”

“Nathan… if you don’t get to the fucking point, I will call the police and remind them of the restraining order—”

“Ok, ok… I came to try and make amends. I’m twelve stepping my way back to a better life. It’s taken a while, but I’m finally in a good place. I need to apologize for all the terrible things I’ve done. Especially to you. I’ve hurt you—”

“You have,” she interrupted. “Honestly, I don’t know what hurt worse. When you left without a word or when you broke my nose.”

“Y/N—I…” he trailed off again and shrugged pathetically. “I was a horrible person then. I know it’s not an excuse. If I could go back in time and change everything, I would. We’d be married, have kids… we’d have a life together here.”

“Well, thank God you can’t. Look, Nathan, I’m glad you got yourself straight. I am. But my life right now is good, and I wouldn’t want to change a thing.”

“I heard. Got yourself a fancy new job,” he said with a smile, but Y/N knew him well enough that behind that smile was a fit of pure, seething jealousy. It was always there in him; lurking.

“Who spilled the beans?”

“Leo. I ran into him last week when I got back. I asked about you, and he said that you had moved to Austin temporarily for work.”

“Did he?” She reminded herself to thank him for that later. “Well, then you know I’m busy. I’m only home for a couple days—”

“He said a week.”

“Leo was wrong. I’m cutting the trip short. I have an event to go to on New Year’s that I need to get back for.”

“Oh,” he replied. There was a lot packed into that ‘oh’. “Y/N, I know I don’t deserve to ask you for anything. But for a long time, we loved each other. We’ve been together since we were kids. Me, you… Dave. We were a little family, especially after your mom left.”

The mention of her mother and brother turned her stomach.

“If you want to apologize, bringing up my mother and dick of a brother isn’t the way to go.”

“Dave isn’t a bad guy. I know he did some shitty things, but babe, he’s your brother. He loves you.”

Y/N finally moved from where she was frozen in place and slowly walked into the living room. “You still talk to him?”

Nathan nodded. “I do. He misses you, asks about you. A lot.”

“Good. I hope that shit for brains realizes now that I will never talk to him again.”

“I still don’t understand why.”

“You don’t understand... Nathan, you were here for the bullshit they put me through after dad died. That bitch swooped in and took my entire inheritance! If not for Leo buying the bungalow from her, I would have been homeless. Then, to find out later that my so-called loving brother, HELPED HER?!” Y/N was shaking now. The act of dredging up these memories was not exactly how she wanted to spend Christmas morning; especially not after it started so well.

“Babe…” Nathan consoled and rose from the couch to come closer to comfort her.

“STOP CALLING ME BABE!”

Nathan froze in place and swallowed hard. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I just came here to try and apologize. For everything I’ve done. I was supposed to be the one person you could trust, who protected you. I’m sorry that I failed you.”

Much to her own surprise, Y/N didn’t cry. She wanted too, but she wouldn’t in front of Nathan. There had been enough tears shed for him over the course of twenty years. Her phone began to buzz from deep within her robe’s pocket. She tried to ignore it, but just before it stopped ringing, she pulled it out and saw Jensen’s name flashing on the screen.

Without hesitation, she answered the call. “Hey,” she greeted and hoped there wasn’t any residual tension in her tone. “Miss me already?”

Nathan’s head picked up, his gaze intense and curious. But he saw the warning look Y/N passed him and forced himself to stay quiet.

“If I did?” Jensen asked playfully. “No, I was calling to tell you that as soon as we hung up, Jared called me to say Merry Christmas and all that. I asked him about the party and his exact words were ‘whatever makes you happy, doesn’t matter so’s long as you’re there’. So there’s your dress code.”

Despite her current mood, she laughed. “Well, that doesn’t help at all.”

“Yeah, I know…” he hesitated for a beat, “are you alright? You don’t sound as chipper as you did twenty minutes ago.”

“Um, yeah. I’m fine,” she lied and tried to put herself together. “Just getting ready for the day, you know.”

“Sure? If you wanna talk, or—I can find a quiet spot and—”

“No, Jay, it's fine. Really. I do gotta run though. Few things I need to wrap up,” she said and hoped he would take it as wrapping last minute gifts for the holiday.

“Ok.” She could tell instantly he didn’t believe her. “Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind. Talk soon?”

“Yeah, definitely. Enjoy your day and if you talk to Jared again, or Robbie, tell them I said Merry Christmas.”

“Will do, bye, Y/N.”

“Bye, Jay.”

She ended the call and kept the phone hovering near her mouth, almost as if she was trying to hide from Nathan.

“Who’s Jay?”

“Jensen. He’s my boss,” she answered then slipped the phone back into her robe.

“Jensen? Some name,” he sneered. “And he calls on Christmas morning? What a pretentious dick.”

“Fuck off, okay? You don’t know him.”

“I do though. He sounds like every rich, asshole Bennie that tears up our beach every summer. Comes down with his crap, his money and thinks he gets whatever he wants—”

“Nathan! You wanna apologize, make amends? Attacking my friend will not help accomplish that.”

“Your friend? I thought he was just your boss.” Realization dawned on him then, and she noticed his body stiffen. “You have a thing for him, don’t you?”

She didn’t expect that and stammered before she could find the words she wanted. “I—no, he’s been a good friend. It's business. That’s all. Besides, you put me through enough. I couldn’t deal with anyone else after you.”

Nathan cast his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I never intended for you to be hurt so badly. I never wanted for you to hate me.”

“Yeah, well. Your intentions don’t mean shit, Nathan. Look, I should hate you… but I don’t. God only knows why, but I don’t. You’re right, we did have some really great memories. Being friends since we were little kids and all the years we spent together as a couple; it’s not lost on me. Even though you left like a coward after you hit me—”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you… I needed the money and—” he stopped himself from going down that path. “It’s not an excuse. I should never have touched you, especially not at the club. Mama Mia nearly put me in the hospital that night.”

“You deserved it.”

He nodded and let her continue.

“Anyway, all that aside, I’m just in a place where I don’t want to be with anyone, Nathan.” Y/N paused and realized now she was not only lying to him, but to herself. “I appreciate your wanting to make amends. I’m glad the twelve-step thing is working for you, and that you’re here for your mom for Christmas.”

“But?”

“But, nothing. I am honestly glad for you and for your mom. She didn’t need to lose you.”

“What about us?” he asked hesitantly, bringing his bright blue eyes to meet hers. For the briefest moment, she could see what she used to see in them; kindness, compassion, and hope making him look more like the first boy she ever loved.

“Us?” Y/N laughed and sighed all in one breath. “Nathan there is no ‘us’. That ship sailed years ago. But I am glad that you’re getting your life back together.”

His phone pinged from down in his jeans pocket. “That’s probably my mom wondering when I’ll be back. She’s got breakfast waiting.”

“Then you should go.”

“Do you wanna come with? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

“No, I promised Leo I would be there today.”

“When do you go back to… Austin is it?”

“Yes, Austin. In a few days. I have some work to do while I’m here…”

“So, in other words, you aren’t free on this trip to make any plans with me.”

Y/N nodded. “I’m sorry. Maybe another time.” She once again crossed her arms over her chest. It was a mannerism Nathan knew well; she was putting up her wall, and while he couldn’t blame her, he felt his hopes of any reconciliation being quickly dashed.

“Could I, maybe, call you from time to time?”

She exhaled slowly, expelling the breath through pursed lips. “Nathan…” pausing when she saw the seemingly honest, pleading look in his eyes. “Sure. But, if it becomes obsessive, or intrusive…”

He held up his hands in relent. “I promise, it won’t. I just…” he took a few tentative steps closer to her. As he approached, she took one step back and he stopped; afraid he was scaring her. “I just want to get to know you again. This you. I still love you, Y/N. I know you don’t love me, but at least give me the chance to prove to you that I’ve changed. That I can be the guy you used to love. Or at least the one you used to like.”

His phone pinged again.

“You should go, Nathan. Tell your mom I said Merry Christmas.”

Nathan nodded and went towards the door. “I’m not gonna ask you to wait, but maybe you don’t rule me out completely.”

“Rule you out of what?” she asked.

“Your future.” He lingered for a moment longer, then left and quietly closed the door behind him.   

The daylight hours of New Year’s Eve was packed with errands, including trying to find something appropriate to wear to Jared and Gen’s New Year’s Eve party. Jensen didn’t exactly help with his recon efforts; having the perimeters of “whatever makes you happy” to go by wasn’t much to go on. Finding nothing while in New Jersey, she frantically searched for any shop that was open in downtown Austin on her way home from the airport.

Finally, in the very last shop, she found the perfect one. The moment she laid her eyes on the turquoise colored dress with a lace overlay from the neck to the hem, she fell in love. It was a little fancier than she’d normally go for, but attending this party in one of the most beautiful Country Clubs in Austin seemed like the occasion to do so.

Once all the accessories had been chosen, Y/N rushed back to her townhouse to shower and get ready. As the hot water cascaded down through her hair, she closed her eyes and thought about the last few days back home. She had finally gotten to a place where her life didn’t feel so suffocated, where she could have reconciled her past while looking towards the future. Now she was uncertain if she would be able to ever really move on from Nathan, or if she would always be scared because of the marks he’d left on her heart.

For the next few days, she went on an emotional journey that she knew had to be done, but not one she expected just then. Nathan had been such a big part of her life since she was a kid; he’d been there through some of the worst times to comfort her and support her. It was also true that he was the root cause for a lot of bad times, and though he was the one that made the bad choices, got wrapped up in things he shouldn’t have… wasn’t there a part of him that was still the same boy that held her through the night her mother left, then her brother and again when her father died?

Y/N turned off the shower and wiped away the steam on the mirror. As she watched her reflection in the glass, Jensen’s face floated into her mind’s eye. His beautiful green eyes, full, round lips, the way that he smiled at her made her breath hitch and her skin tingle in ways that felt extraordinary. Mostly, it was how he made her feel calm and in control; like she could accomplish anything she wanted. Yet, whenever she allowed herself moments to daydream about him, and what it would be like to be with him, fear set in and she would pull away.

“You’re a fucking mess,” she accused at her reflection. “Seriously, get your shit together (Y/L/N). You have a gorgeous, generous, amazing man about to pick you up for a fancy party. You got a new dress, new shoes and a wonderful night ahead. Don’t self-sabotage before you even get in the car.”

She gave herself an affirmative nod, tightened the towel around her chest and moved away from the mirror to get finish getting ready. Halfway out of the bathroom she paused and went back to the mirror.

“Also, don’t let Nathan and his bullshit ruin a good night. He’s not here, he won’t be here. It’s just you, Jensen and a hundred of his closest friends. If anything is going to freak you out, it should be that.”

Y/N hung her head dramatically and sighed. No matter how hard she tried not to think about Nathan, he was just there now, living somewhere in the recesses of her mind and slowly inching his way back to the forefront.

Two hours later, when Y/N heard the knock at the first door, she looked over at the stove clock and realized it could only be Jensen. Seven on the dot… Mr. Punctuality. Y/N took a deep, calming breath, nerves quickly igniting as to how things may change if she opened that door. She froze with her hand on the knob.

You should say you’re sick… jet lag? No, stupid, it’s only an hour time difference, jet lag wouldn’t--

He knocked again. Stopping the freight train of doubt that ran on a constant loop, she exhaled slowly and opened the front door.

“Hey!” Jensen greeted upon seeing her. “You ready to…” he trailed off as he noticed how she looked and took a moment to drink her all in. Jensen was dumbfounded, as his eyes glazed over her from how her hair was twisted up off her neck, to the color of the dress and how it hugged her just right, flowing out to a skirt that fell a few inches above her knees. She was wearing heels, and as he admired how her legs looked while wearing them, he realized he’d never seen her in anything but her old sandals.

“Wow… You--you look amazing,” he breathed. “I--that’s not even the right word. You--”

His gaze softened the longer he looked at her; and the more he looked, the more she was becoming affected by his stare.

“Ok, ok. Easy tiger. It’s just a dress,” she laughed but was barely holding it together as she noticed how good he looked, as well. Jensen showed up dressed in a black sport coat and slacks, beneath it, a nicely fitting shirt that complimented his strong and lean figure. The color of which, just happened to be a shade off of matching her dress perfectly.

“Hey, we match!” she smiled, lighting up her whole face. “People are going to think we did that on purpose.”

“Fuck ‘em,” he said, the corners of his mouth pointing down. “Besides, no one in that whole place will even notice me once you walk into the room.”  He waggled his eyebrows and moved aside so she could walk out.

“You’re such a dork,” she teased and rolled her eyes. “Though, I gotta say,” she paused and spun back around for a minute to face him, “you do clean up pretty nice yourself, Hollywood.”

 Heading towards the party venue, Y/N was quiet. She could feel Jensen continuing to steal glances in her direction. He had never been shy before about asking her something when it was on his mind, but now he hesitated. She finally caught his gaze and sighed.

“You want to ask me something, so ask,” she said, startling him with her accuracy.

“Alright… what happened on Christmas?”

Boy, he’s blunt, she thought. She furrowed her brow and tried to play it off like she didn’t know what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon Y/N. I talked to you and you were… you. Twenty minutes later I called back and you were completely different.” Jensen’s eyes flickered back and forth between her and the road. “Then, I don’t hear from you all week. Just seemed like maybe something was wrong.”

Y/N could just brush him off, she thought about it. She didn’t want to get into a big conversation about Nathan solely because it would lead back to their past and she didn’t want to go back to that headspace. She also didn’t think brushing him off was the best idea. Jensen was more than just a colleague now, he was her friend; a friend that she had come to care about very much.

She swallowed nervously, her tongue darting over her polished lips. “I had an unexpected visitor after I hung up with you. Just an old… someone, that I wasn’t expecting to see.”

“Oh,” he replied, his eyes now transfixed on the road ahead. “A recent, old, someone?” he asked, and thankfully she caught his meaning.

“Yes. Sort of. It’s been a few years.”

“Oh,” he said again, this time as more of a sigh of relief. “How did it go?”

“It went. He just wanted to catch up. He was in town visiting his mom and had run into Leo. I guess Leo told him about Austin, and he wanted to say congrats on the new gig.”

“Ah.” Jensen’s gaze drifted to catch her expression. Y/N appeared unaffected, but there was something in her eyes that told him that maybe wasn’t the whole truth. “Exes… huh?” he quipped and tried to get her to smile. “I got one, too.”

“An ex?”

“Yup.”

“Don’t we all?”

Jensen laughed. “I guess.”

“How recent is yours?”

“Last Spring. I got back from a con and came home to an empty house. She was just, gone.”

“Ouch,” Y/N winced, knowing the pain of that feeling. “Did you ever find out why?”

His reaction took her off guard. Jensen smirked, then it faded and his eyes seemed to drift a million miles away. She saw him force the lump in his throat down to a place where it wouldn’t stop him from choking on the words that he tried to say.

“She… uh,” he snorted a laugh, “she met someone else.”

“Oh,” she breathed, waited for a beat, then muttered. “She’s an idiot.”

Jensen’s lips formed a tiny little grin of satisfaction and gave Y/N the hint that he heard her after all.

“Well, I’m sorry your Christmas was ruined by an ex,” he said, turning the subject back to her.

“It wasn’t ruined,” she replied quietly and cast her gaze out of the passenger side window. Her hand went to her neck, to where the necklace had resided since she clasped it around there Christmas morning. “Got to open the best present I ever received while watching the sunrise over the ocean.” Turning her attention back to him, her features softened as she lifted the charm from her neck. “That’s what I’ll remember most from this Christmas.”

The Country Club was far larger than Y/N thought it would be. Even in the shadows of the evening, she could see how beautiful and expansive the grounds and golf courses were. It was lit up in soft whites and golds, and there was a buzz of activity in and around the entrance.

After the valet parked the car, Jensen linked his elbow with hers and escorted her inside. Her nerves were starting to show, barely, but they were there. She’d been to more than enough events like this for Leo’s business, and she’d played the boardwalk stage to a crow of a few hundred people. Somehow, this was more nerve-wracking, and Jensen could feel it radiating off her.

“Hey,” he whispered but kept his eyes focused ahead. “You know this is low-key, right?”

“You mean despite the fact that the party is in Wayne Manor? I swore that was Alfred who parked the car.”

Jensen laughed. “Yes, despite that. These are all just friends, wearing fancier than normal clothes.”

“Your friends. I know them through Skype or email.”

“They’re gonna love you. Alright? Robbie already does. He won’t shut the hell up about meeting you tonight.”

“Says you. I feel like I’m going on an audition and this is my call back for the role of Celebrity Assistant…”

“Hey,” Jensen interrupted and pulled her to a stop. “You know that’s not what you are, right? It’s important to me that you know that.” Using her own words against her made her relax a little. “You’re not my assistant. You work with me. And as for tonight, well darlin’, you are simply my date and easily the most stunning woman in the room.”

His features relaxed, the small bunches of wrinkles deepening around his eyes and the peek-a-boo dimples on the corners of his mouth showing themselves. “Relax, have a drink, dance a little and have a damn good time.”

“I thought we established that me dancing is hazardous to everyone’s health,” she joked, feeling her nerves dissipate a little.

“Hey, it's New Year’s Eve. If you can’t do something new and out of your comfort zone on a night like tonight… then you never will. Besides, I am way worse at dancing than you. I’m more than happy to prove it. After a drink or two, that is.”

Y/N exhaled as steadily as she could and straightened her shoulders back and tightened her linked arm around Jensen’s. She was going to make the most of the night and go in with her head held high; ready to push herself well beyond her limits.

They breached the entryway and stepped into the main room where the Padalecki’s were hosting a jam-packed New Year’s Eve party. Faces were floating by at a rapid pace, some she recognized, some she didn’t. Names were thrown at her, and she smiled at each one, shaking hands with those who offered and returning polite smiles to those she didn’t. It was overwhelming and yet exhilarating, especially when Jensen was introducing her as the Music Director for FBBC’s Hometown Music & Brew Fest. For the first time in her life, she was being looked upon as someone respected; someone who was spending their time trying to make a difference; not slinging drinks, not pushing papers or hustling pool just to make ends meet. What made it even more special, was having him be the one who helped her find this place in the world.

“Well it’s about time!” a woman’s voice squealed over the music piping in through the generously spaced out speakers. As you both spun around, you saw a beautiful, petite woman with long dark brown hair and eyes the color of dark chocolate. “I was starting to think you were going to be late, Jensen. You’re never late!”

“C’ mon Gen, you know better than that,” he laughed and released her arm to embrace Gen and leave a kiss on her cheek. “Where’s the big jerk you married?”

“Oh, mingling, you know him. I’m sure he’s got half the place in hysterics already,” she laughed. When she turned her attention to Y/N, her eyes grew wide and she clapped in excitement. “You must be Y/N! It’s so good to meet you in person! This one doesn’t shut up about you or the festival. I think he may have imploded if you didn’t come on to help.”

“I’m just glad I could contribute something,” Y/N replied. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Gen.”

“Have you met everyone else yet?” she asked excitedly, taking Y/N’s arm much the way Jensen did and led her away into one of the rooms that jettisoned off the ballroom. “I think they’re all hiding away in here.”

She led Y/N in, with Jensen following closing behind. The room Gen lead them into was large enough to fit approximately twenty people comfortably, with a baby grand piano at the center. There were windows along the back wall that overlooked the deserted golf course, but the cream and deep beige draperies were pulled and hid the view from the party goers. In each corner, was a tall, potted decorative tree, with hanging white lights that cast an ambient glow over the room. Scattered throughout the room were overstuffed armchairs and a few leather love seats. A perfect place to sit and listen to someone play on the baby grand while enjoying the view of the grounds.

Y/N searched the handful of faces that were standing around the piano but none were too familiar. The moment Gen spoke, the man at the keys stopped playing. When he stood, Y/N smiled wide, instantly recognizing Robbie as he started walking over to them.

“Hey man!” Rob greeted Jensen excitedly. “Was getting worried about you! Thought you were gonna stand me up.”

“I could never do that to you, Rob. You know I love you too much,” Jensen teased, giving Rob a wink. “But, if I tell you Y/N is here to finally meet you, do you forgive me?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” he grinned and reached out for Y/N’s hand, bringing the back of it to his lips and giving it a barely-there-kiss. “It is a pleasure to finally see your face sans computer screen.”

“It really is,” she said, trying not to giggle at his overindulgent greeting.

Robbie kept her hand and began to move her away from Gen and Jensen. “Here, let me introduce you to the whole gang.”

Jensen just shook his head, his arms open wide and mouthing, “Really?”

Ignoring him, Robbie pulled Y/N around the room and one by one introduced her to people from both the show and the regular con circuit. Y/N’s head spun as she met Jason Manns, Kim Rhodes, Richard Speight, Jr., and Mark Pellegrino among others. It took nearly twenty minutes to make the rounds and by the time Rob had brought Y/N full circle, Gen and Jensen were no longer alone. Jared had just joined the small group, drink in hand and a smile that was more forced than genuine.

Jared leaned closer to Jensen’s ear just as you sidled up next to him. “Hey, I need to talk to you,” he whispered.

Jensen furrowed his brow and snapped his gaze up to catch Jared’s eye. They had a silent exchange, one that could only happen between two people who knew each other explicitly well. When Jensen turned back to Y/N, she waved him off before he could even speak.

“Go, I’m fine. I have Rob to keep me company,” she said, not without a little spunk.

“Hands above the waist, Rob. Remember you’re with a lady, not one of your women of the night,” he warned and gave Y/N’s shoulder a little squeeze before he was whisked off by his best friend.

“I should go check on everything in the kitchen. Will you be alright?” she asked Y/N.

“What am I, chopped liver?” Rob interjected.

Gen shook her head and gave Y/N an apologetic smile. “Welcome to our weird, little family. Please don’t judge us solely on our Robbie.” She patted Rob’s arm lovingly before turning and heading back out through the ballroom.

“She’s one hell of a lady. Throws a damn good party, too. Come on, let’s mingle.” 

Jensen followed Jared down the long clubhouse corridor and down to the double doors that led into the game room. Once inside, Jared shut the door but didn’t bother with turning on the lights.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked. “I barely got in the door, didn’t even get a drink yet.”

“Here, have mine. You’re gonna need it.” Jared held out his glass of bourbon. “I tried to get a hold of you earlier--”

“Why?”

“Because man, Gen invited Dee. She’s coming, and she’s not coming alone.”

Jensen sighed heavily, his head rolled back on his neck and his mouth hung open. “Fuck. Really?”

“Mhm. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I mean, I know they still talk and hang out, but, I didn’t think she was going to invite her.”

Jensen gulped down the rest of the bourbon from the glass, wincing at the burn as it hit his throat. He turned abruptly and headed through the game room to the small bar that was kept there. Rummaging through the bottles, he found a bottle of Jim Beam and refilled the glass.

“Is he here with her?”

Jared nodded. “I don’t know. I just know she’s coming.”

“Does Dee know I’m here?”

Jared shrugged. “Gen and I… we try not to talk about her with each other.”

Jensen considered this and shrugged, too. “I hate that what happened between me and her put you guys at odds.”

“It really didn’t, not until times like this.”

“You know what? It’s fine. Not like I’m here alone, right?”

“Right. About that… You’ll have to introduce me properly when we head back.”

“I will,” he said, and just knowing that Y/N was out there waiting for him, suddenly made the Dee situation seem somewhat tolerable.

“What was that?” Jared asked, looking at him curiously. “What did you just do with your face?”

Jensen scrunched his face in ignorance. “What… face?”

“That face! That face you make when you get all dreamy and shit.”

“Dreamy fa--” Jensen scoffed. He was getting flustered, so he drained his glass. “Shut up.”

“Ha!” Jared laughed and clapped Jensen’s shoulder. “So, you gonna be able to be cool with Dee?”

“As a cucumber,” he promised.

Jensen had disappeared with Jared, Gen had disappeared back into the crowd of people in the ballroom, and Rob had just disappeared. Somewhere in the middle of crossing the big room’s dance floor, Y/N had lost him and when she broke through the sea of people, she didn’t want to go back in. Meandering alone through the party, she felt suddenly out of place and all her earlier nerves settling back in for the long haul.

She wished Jensen would come back from wherever he disappeared too. But as the minutes ticked by, Y/N found herself back in the room with the baby grand. It was completely empty now that the music had stopped; for this, she was suddenly grateful. As she slowly walked along its side, she ever-so-lightly dragged her finger against the ebony lacquer of the lip then followed along the edge and down to the keys.

Y/N hadn’t seen or touched a piano of this caliber for a lot of years. Guitar had been her true love since she was five years old, the piano came later. When she was little, and her mother was still around, she would take her to the most luxurious of all Leo’s hotels up in the wealthy area of Spring Lake. These were the ones with professional piano players in the lobby and a bellhop that came when you rang. Y/N would sit for hours, watching that old man with the sandy blonde hair play the keys like a magician, and pulling some of the most glorious melodies she’d ever heard.

Her mother was a maid back then, cleaning and stealing from most of the rooms upstairs. Leo would find Y/N a lot of times left alone, sitting in the lobby and listening to the piano and felt sorry for her. On her seventh birthday, Leo bought her a small electronic keyboard to practice on. She took to it easily, and by the time she was ten, was recording tracks on the keyboard, they play along with them on guitar.

She exhaled softly as she slid onto the bench and smoothed out her skirt. Just as she hovered her fingers over the keys, and pressed the first few, she was no longer alone in the room.

“Found you! Took me damn long enough…”

Y/N’s head snapped up, to see a beautiful blonde woman, with long, wavy curls approaching her. Her big, dimpled smile lit up the room the second she entered, and Y/N couldn’t stop admiring her.

“I tried to wrangle Robbie before when he was parading you through the room, but that little man is too fast for me!” She sat down on the bench beside Y/N in an exasperated huff. “Woo! I’m beat and it isn’t even midnight yet! I’m Briana, by the way. Briana Buckmaster. You’re, Y/N, right? Working the music side of Brewfest? I’ve heard a lot about you from Robbie.”

“He’s one hell of a cheerleader,” Y/N said. Something was familiar about her, but she couldn’t put her finger on where. “Are you doing work for it as well? You just seem so familiar, but I can’t…” as she trailed off, it hit her why. “You have an album of covers out, right?”

Briana was taken aback, her sweet smile dimpling as it grew. “I do! You’ve heard it?”

“Hell yeah! Back in Jersey, I was a musical director for a burlesque group. Some of the girls were playing it for a routine. It was hot. Your voice is seriously magic.”

“Burlesque? How fucking cool are you? Did we just become best friends?” she roared with a throaty laugh and threw an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “And here I was just coming over to ask you about Jensen. Had no idea I’d find a fan and a new friend in the mix!”

“You definitely have a fan in me, Briana.”

“Oh please, call me Bri, everyone does. This dress, gorgeous, by the way. And please tell me that Jensen matched you on purpose because I will both love him and tease him for eternity because of it!”

“No! It wasn’t on purpose. But I knew someone would think it was.”

“I guess you two are just on that wavelength, huh?” she wiggled her eyebrows and poked Y/N’s arm with her elbow. “I did see you guys when you walked in together.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. So, you gotta tell me something,” she said and leaned in a little closer. “How good a kisser is he? Cause, I may be married, but I ain’t dead. And that boy is… mmm mmm!”

“I don’t--I haven’t… We’re not…” Y/N laughed nervously shook her head slightly, trying to shake the embarrassment off and form a complete sentence. “We’re just friends, we work together on the festival. That’s all.”

“Oh, I see,” Bri said and cleared her throat before turning back to Y/N. “You guys are in the denial stage! Ok, I get it.”

“What? No! It’s…” Y/N searched for the right word. Damn this woman is perceptive, she thought before finding the winner. “It’s complicated.” she sighed, surprising herself that she gave any kind of real answer.

Y/N was instantly comfortable with Briana. Her spirit and fiery personality felt familiar, and something she’d been lacking in her life since leaving New Jersey months before. She felt that she could say something like that to this virtual stranger because she felt like Bri wouldn’t be a stranger for much longer.

“Yeah well, complicated can work itself out,” she nudged her shoulder into Y/N playfully, then motioned down towards the keys. “You play?”

“I do,” she replied, relieved Bri moved the subject off of Jensen for the moment.

“What do you like to play?” she asked, but not in the way where one is curious. She asked because she looked like she was scheming.

“Just about anything really. Why?”

Bri slid out off the bench and walked around to stand in the curve of the piano. “You sing, too, right?”

“I do,” Y/N replied and started to play with the keys around middle C. Finding the melody of something soft but familiar. “Robbie tell you that?”

“Nope. Jensen did. Did he tell you that he sings as well?”

Y/N’s fingers froze and her breath caught in her chest. “No… he didn’t.”

Bri’s face light up as she leaned against the piano, letting her hands slide along the edges in each direction. “Oh, he does. And he sings, goooood.”

She forced her fingers to continue playing the song. As she played on, she didn’t realize the song that she’d been playing just then was the same one she had been strumming on the guitar the morning Jensen shared her sunrise.

‘Ooo-ooo-ooo honey, you’re the one that I want...’ Y/N sang silently along to the melody in her head.

“I know this one… I did a stint as Rizzo at the Citadel Theater,” Bri squealed excitedly. “This was a fun one to perform.”

“Pink lady here,” Y/N laughed, and quickly changed up the melody, not wanting that one to get wedged in her head again. After she played it that morning, it stuck with her for days after. But instead of it making her think of the play, now it just reminded her of sitting on the floor with Jensen and talking through the night.

“But I wanted to play Rizzo,” Y/N continued. “She’s clearly the most relatable.”

“We really are kindred spirits! So, new friend…” she brought her arms back to center, and rested her elbows on the piano, cradling her chin in her palms. “Play me something.”

Y/N thought for a moment and began to pick up a melody. Bri’s eyes lit up as she recognized the beginning notes to “Do I Move You.” They exchanged a knowing glance; Y/N knowing this had been one of Bri’s covers, and Bri realizing that Y/N chose it for that reason.

Starting it acapella, Bri sang the first line, “Do I move you?”

Y/N played, finding the groove of the song. It wasn’t hard for her, all she needed was a place to start and she could slide right into it.

“Are you willing? “Do I groove you? Is it thrilling? Do I soothe you? Tell the truth now… Do I move you? Are you loose now? The answer better be…” Bri drew out the last word, soft and sultry and looked to her accompaniment to finish the first verse with her.

“That pleases meeeee….” They sang together.

The song played on, just the two of them at the moment. The party noises were all but a second thought, as these two new friends found an easy rapport with each other through the music. With every few lines, Y/N increased the tempo of the melody, her fingers beginning to move across the keys with speed and accuracy. She was ensconced in playing and vibing with Bri, relishing in the rich grit and tenor of her voice. Both of them solely just going with the song and building it from an intimate conversation to an all-out war cry with the depth, and fullness of Bri’s bravado.

“When I touch ya? Do you quiver? From your head right down to your liver If you like it, let me know it Don’t be psychic or you’ll blow it The answer better be…. Great God Almighty, that pleases meeeee….”

Bri hit the last note in her full voice and a roar of applause ripped through the room. If Bri had seen the people funnel in, Y/N didn’t know; but she hadn’t. Getting so lost in playing freely, not worrying about anything more than feeling the song at that moment, she had no idea that the small music room had filled up with at least twenty different people. Among them, Jensen and Rob, whistling and clapping along with everyone else.

Jensen stood at the opposite end of the piano, holding Y/N’s gaze as the small crowd began rumblings of play more, something else, keep going… the way he watched her made her nervous, yet euphoric. Y/N could feel him beaming with pride, and while she didn’t play with him in mind, it made her feel good to know he got to see her play.

“Hot damn, girls!!” Rob shouted over the crowd. “I knew this was gonna be a good night! You’re amazing!” he ran over and planted a big kiss on Bri’s cheek, then Y/N’s. “I’ll be right back, don’t move!” He was excitable and bouncing all over the place, then finally disappeared back into the crowd.

Y/N took the chance to slide out from behind the piano. Bri grabbed her the minute she was upright and pulled her into a hug.

“That was fucking fantastic!” she squealed and gave Y/N a squeeze. “We have got to hang out and do that again sometime.”

“I am down for that anytime. Your voice… that rasp you have. I’d kill for that.”

“Don’t let her fool you Bri,” Jensen said, rejoining them. “This girl has got some soul when she sings.”

“Oh, I believe it,” she said, “I just can’t wait to hear it.”

“Another time, maybe? Come by my place here in Austin. We can sit around and gig all day if you like. I am happy to spend an afternoon like that.”

Jensen opened his mouth to say something, but Rob’s re-entrance into the room caused some commotion. The moment he walked in with two guitars in hand, the chatter grew again. Rob handed one of the guitars off to Jason and someone else had already slid behind the piano. Stopping at a handful of the guys, including Jensen, he whispered something quick in their ear and went back to stand near the piano.

“Be just a second,” he said as he placed a hand on each of Y/N’s shoulders as he slid around behind her through the people, giving her a gentle squeeze as he did.

The guitars started, piano joined in, and Y/N picked up the first few beats of The Band’s “Up On Cripple Creek”. Bri squeezed in close and tapped her arm.

“I love when they do this song,” she whispered. “Just wait, you’re gonna love it too.”

The moment Jensen’s voice filled the room, Y/N’s mouth fell open at the sound of it; completely in shock with what she was hearing. He sang the first verse, while his friends picked at the guitars and played along on the piano. Jensen kept up with them effortlessly, though his attention was fully on Y/N. From the first line, he locked eyes with her, keeping a grin at bay while he sang his verse. He had a soul and a tone to his voice that tickled the deepest part of her, arousing both the creative and the lustful sides of her. Y/N didn’t know what to expect when Bri told her Jensen could sing, but it certainly wasn’t that.

The song went on, but Jensen just continued to sing along with the chorus, letting each of the other guys take another verse. When it was over, the crowd once again strongly approved of the impromptu performance. Y/N subtly backed her way through the crowd and back out into the corridor to get some air, still reeling from how good Jensen could really since. She saw him shaking hands, making pleasantries and small talk as he made his way towards her.

When he broke through the barrier of people, his arms were outstretched low and he was smiling. “You’ve been holding out on me, Trix. You can play…”

Y/N snorted a laugh. “You can sing!”

Jensen shrugged, not just with his shoulders, but his entire face. “I guess we’ve both been holding out, huh?”

“Looks that way,” she loosely crossed her arms under her breasts and gave him a challenging look. “Feels like maybe we should rectify that.”

Jensen thought about it for a minute, then held out his hand for her to take. “Come on. Let’s get a drink.”

“Good God, yes please…” she sighed and took his hand without hesitation, happily following along beside him as he whisked her through the ballroom.

The next hour or so was spent drinking and eating with people coming and going from the table. Around the third whiskey sour, and multiple helpings of the barbeque pork potato cups, apple brie crostini and mini beef wellingtons, Y/N needed to stand and stretch, allowing the food to settle.

“You alright?” Jensen asked, standing up too, reaching for her elbow to hold her steady.

“Yeah, fine. Just head rush from the booze. Also, this dress wasn’t made for gorging oneself on whiskey and crostinis.”

“Lightweight,” he teased.

“Hey, I don’t live in a brewery, okay? It doesn’t take much to get me--”

“Drunk?”

“Unencumbered,” she corrected.

Jensen leaned closer. “Does this mean I could maybe convince you to dance with me now?” his voice was low and raspy as if it had been denied water for days.

“Let me venture to the ladies’ room first. It is getting close to midnight after all. Then when I get back, we’ll see…” she narrowed her eyes at him.

When he narrowed his eyes back at her, mimicking her expression, she felt her breath begin to get shaky. “Hurry back. Or I’ll tell them to play the Macarena.” Jensen began to do the dance, but subtly, just enough to tease her with.

“Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t whip out my phone and record you doing it,” she warned. “It would be a nice addition to my video collection.”

He stopped cold and stood still. “So, that’s a no, on the Macarena?”

Y/N patted his cheek lightly and let it linger against his stubble for a moment. “Good boy. I’ll be right back.”

She turned to go, and just before she was out of earshot, he called out. “Don’t take too long, or it will be the Chicken Dance!”

Y/N didn’t turn, she just shook her head and kept walking. She didn’t want him to see how much he made her smile.

 Just after drying her hands in the ladies room, Y/N was about to leave and bumped into Bri as she was coming in.

“Oh, hello new friend!”

“Hi Bri, having fun?”

“Yes! I love being with this group. You and Jensen should come over to where Kim and I are sitting. She’s a fucking blast, I think you two would get along fantastically. Just give me a sec, I’ll walk back out with you.”

Bri was quick and within minutes she and Y/N were heading back out towards the ballroom. The music was still playing and people were still dancing and having a blast. The music room was still full of passersby, and a different mix of faces at the piano and playing the guitars and singing. Y/N scanned the area where she had left Jensen, but it was now vacant. She tried to search the rest of the room for him, but there was no sign of him.

“Oh shit,” Bri mumbled, then pulled on Y/N’s lace sleeve. “Looks like you might need to go save your boy, there.”

“What?” she asked, her head whipping around to where Bri was motioning. Just past the bar, she found Jensen, talking animatedly to a petite redhead in a shimmery dark green dress. She was also being over-animated in talking back to Jensen. “Who is that?” she asked, but deep down she already knew.

“That’s Dee. Jensen’s ex-girlfriend. I knew they broke up last year, didn’t realize they still talked.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and she remembered their very quick conversation about her in the car. “I didn’t either.”

Bri and Y/N watched from a distance until Jensen laughed at something she said. It wasn’t a genuine laugh by any stretch. Glancing pensively at Bri, Y/N bit on her lower lip. She didn’t know if this was a case for her to interfere or simply let the man work out his own business. The longer she watched and saw his body language change to stiffen and defensive, she knew she couldn’t be complacent.

“Maybe I should…” she trailed off and looked to Bri for some kind of sign.

“You probably should.”

Y/N gave her a small, appreciative smile and nod before she began to approach Jensen and his ex. The closer she got, the more of their conversation she could hear, and when she finally was standing beside him, they’d already found an argumentative pit and had fallen in knee deep.

“Well, well. Good to see you still make bad decisions,” Jensen scoffed at Dee, his voice slightly louder and more accusatory as it needed to be.

“Just stop, Jensen,” Dee pleaded. “It’s enough, alright?”

“You knew I was gonna be here. You had to know that. He had to come with you, right?”

“We’re together, Jay. I’m not going to hide that.”

“I wish I could… hide it… from my face,” he muttered.

“Not like you’re here alone,” she retorted and motioned to Y/N.

Jensen finally saw her standing there, and moved closer to her, exchanging his scowl for a grin. “Hey, you’re back.”

“I am. So, whatcha say we go get some air? Uh, Hollywood? I think some fresh air will do you good.”

“I’m good, Y/N. I swear. I got a few things I wanna say--”

“Nope, no, not gonna happen. Say, Happy New Year and let’s go,” she encouraged and tried to pull him away.

“You know who that is, don’t you?” he asked, in what he thought was a whisper, but everyone could hear.

“Yes, I know who it is,” she replied and looked up at Dee with a wan smile in greeting. “Hi, it’s nice to unofficially meet you.”

“Hi,” Dee replied with an apologetic smile.

“Then you know she’s a bit--”

“Don’t,” you warned, cutting him off. “I don’t care who it is, it is not like you to talk to anyone like that.”

“But—"

“Doesn’t matter Jay, you don’t. You’re better than that,” she said, her eyes pleading with him to just follow her out.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Dee started. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone. He just can’t let this all go.” Her tone was genuine but her words were enough to make Y/N turn around and glare at her.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I just mean that--”

“Maybe, if you hadn’t treated him like a piece of shit, he wouldn’t be this way. Maybe, if you had the balls to have had a conversation with the man instead of just walking out, he wouldn’t want to call you a bitch. So, if I were you, lady, I’d scoop up the boy toy over there and move along.”

Dee’s mouth was agape, but then it seemed as if she may fire back some offhand comment or quip. Instead, she turned, linked her elbow with her man’s and walked off to the other side of the room.

She could feel Jensen’s lips by her ear before she actually heard his words. “You’re my hero,” he rasped.

The feeling of his hand on her shoulder only fueled the adrenaline that was coursing through her. The incident didn’t sober her up, but it definitely put a mild damper on the good feeling she had before.

Y/N went up to the bar and asked for two shots of bourbon.

“You wanna talk about what just happened there?” she asked Jensen and watched as he leaned both elbows on the bar, and rubbed his hands over his stubbled cheeks.

Jensen shook his head and finally looked her in the eye. “Nope. Not right now.”

The bartender lined up the shots, and Y/N passed one to him. Without a word they touched glasses and threw them back down their throats. Once the burn wore off, Jensen’s smile returned.

“One more?” he asked.

“You may have to carry me out of here if we do,” she chuckled.

“That would be my pleasure.” Jensen motioned for one more round.

From the corner of her eye, Y/N could see Dee and her companion off on the other side of the room, but continuing to look over in their direction. She didn’t want to spend the rest of the night exchanging accusing glances from across the room.

“Hey, you wanna take a walk? Get out of here for a minute?” she asked Jensen, just as the bartender refilled the shots.

“More than anything,” he said and tossed it back, Y/N doing the same.

Y/N was the one to take his hand this time and led him away from the ballroom.

It was mere minutes to midnight by the time Y/N had pulled Jensen away from the party. He was clearly more than a little buzzed when they stumbled into the elaborate game room and Y/N quietly closed the door behind them, so as not to draw attention to their departure.

She found the light switches on the wall, and turned on a few, illuminating the four corners of the club’s game room. The soft glow of the neon-lighted beer signs gave the space a warm, rich burst of color. In the middle, was a large pool table, made of dark mahogany wood and blue felt. The pockets were made of netted silk twine and gold inlaid etchings around the bumpers. On the far side of the room was a string of videos games with lifeless screens, and foosball table half draped with a soft leather cover.

More pool tables followed that, along with a collection of high top tables and chairs, a small bar that was fully stocked and four dart boards along the wall. One of which was open with all the darts still stuck in the corkboard target.

“Wanna play?” he asked, unbuttoning his jacket and shrugging it off before laying it on the pool table. He walked over to the board and removed the darts before she could answer.

“I gotta tell you, I am no good at darts. So, you best steer clear when it’s my throw,” she warned.

“I can teach you.” His smirk wasn’t even trying to be subtle as he approached her, four darts with red tails in his outstretched hand. “I’ve played a time or two.”

“Oh, I imagine you have. Something tells me you’ve done everything a time or two.”

Jensen stood next to her, leaning against the one pool table where the billiard lamp’s soft lights lit up the midnight blue felt. He rolled his neck to the side where she was and leaned down close enough that she could smell the hint of bourbon on his breath. Normally it wouldn’t be enticing, but on Jensen and in her own partially inebriated state, she let her mind wonder how it would taste off his tongue.

“Not everything,” he rasped, then gave her a wink.

Three minutes to midnight…

Pushing off the mahogany, he took a proper throwing stance and explained how to plant her legs. Y/N chuckled as he swayed a little before launching the dart at the board, striking the edge of it instead of the middle.

“That’s just a warm-up,” he scoffed, waving it off. “Let’s try that again.” He glanced over his shoulder to see her expression before launching a second dart.

Normally this is when she would look away. The more time they spent together, the more she found herself avoiding making eye contact in situations like this. She knew that one day she wouldn’t be able to look away, and unless she’d been reading the signals wrong for the entire span of their partnership, it would end up turning into something else. As much as she may want that, she didn’t know if she was ready for it.

“Ok Trix, your turn,” he said and took her hand, pulling Y/N off the edge of the table and positioning her to face the dart board. He made sure she was holding the dart correctly. “Pinch it here between these two fingers…” he configured her pointer finger and thumb on the dart. Gliding his hands down the length of her arm, she could feel him on her skin through the lace of her sleeve. When he paused at her elbow to bend it back at the right angle, his other hand gingerly touched the outside of her left leg. “Move your leg back, just a little,” he instructed, and as she did, he left his hand there, and despite the fabric of her dress between them, the heat of his hand felt warm and inviting.

Hyper aware of all the sensations her body was experiencing, she could feel herself simply melt back into him. The day’s earlier concerns weren’t gone but being wrapped up in the night as it had gone so far, Y/N pushed it all away to enjoy these quiet, close moments with Jensen. She needed it, and she suspected he did, too.

“Now, pull back your arm,” he continued, “almost like a slingshot. Okay? Then eye up on the board where you wanna aim for.”

She did as he said, closing one eye and targeted the bullseye. “Okay,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip in concentration.

One minute to midnight

The partygoers out in the rest of the clubhouse began to get louder with their anticipation of the stroke of midnight building. Y/N tried to block them out and launched the dart at the board. It wasn’t lost on her that Jensen’s hand was still hovering over her leg, and the other was now resting against her back where the dress she chose was bare of fabric.

The dart hit just off center, and she jumped up, arms raised in the air in triumph.

“Yes!” Jensen cheered and clapped as she danced around victoriously. “See that!”

“Well, the things you can do with a good teacher,” she shrugged.

From beyond the game room doors, they could hear everyone start counting down.

20...

19...

“It’s not too late to go join them,” she said and motioned towards the door.

17…

16…

“Here’s good,” he replied, the smile fading from his lips. He took a few steps towards her, and when he reached out for her hand, she gave it willingly.

14…

13…

12…

“Here’s very good,” she breathed.

Their eyes were locked, as the countdown continued from the other room. Y/N felt what he wanted from her, and despite any of the worries she had, she wanted him; denying that any longer would just be self-inflicted torture. But still… it could hurt.

10…

9…

8..

They were counting it down together. As the numbers dwindled down towards one, Jensen cupped her cheek and let his fingers slide down her jawline and onto her neck. Ever-so-lightly, she could feel his fingertips brush against her hairline at the nape of her neck, sending waves of electricity to course down every vein.

5…

4..

“Happy New Year, Y/N,” he rasped.

“Happy New Year, Jensen.” Her voice was shaking in anticipation of…

2..

1.

His mouth drifted the last couple inches to hers. By the time the rest of the party goers were hootin’ and hollerin’, shooting off poppers and kissing everyone around them, his lips touched against hers for the first time.

Everything faded; the party sounds, the soft hum of the circulating air in the game room, the fireworks going off in random places throughout the city… all either of them could sense was the other. Jensen’s fingers began to press into her neck, encouraging her closer, as her lips opened to accept more of him. A soft moan escaped her, as he walked her back up against the pool table. More than just a New Year’s tradition, this was months in the making and neither of them wanted to pull away.

Jensen’s lips were as soft and luscious as she dreamed they would be. She relished in how they formed against her own, how easily she moved along with them, and how well she fit when pressed against his body. His hand stayed gripped on her neck, while his other ran roughly down the length of her body; coming to rest just about where it had when they were throwing darts. Now, inch by inch he began to lift up the fabric of the skirt, bunching it in his hand until her flesh was exposed to the heat of his hand and the coolness of the air.

Lips parted, and the sensation of his tongue on hers was dangerous. Her head was fuzzy from the alcohol and his touch. Little gasps and moans came from both of them, as the kiss continued to deepen, finding more fuel the longer his hand pawed at her thigh.

His teeth grazed her lip and it was enough of a rush for her to break free of him and slowly roll back at the heat of his touch. Jensen didn’t waste a second and sunk his teeth into her neck while she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, dragging her nails against his skin. He nipped at her and trailed his tongue lightly up towards her ear, then peppering wet, lingering kisses back down towards her collarbone. Waves of goosebumps rippled beneath the lace of her dress and brought on a flush of heat between her legs.

Y/N mewed deeply, which pulled a soft growl from deep within his chest. His fingers continued to creep up her leg as the fabric now fell down around his hand, covering it. He reached the edging of the lingerie she wore beneath it, he brought his fingers to follow the hem around back to the swell of her ass, cupping it gently. Y/N felt him there and slowly raised her head back up, making him do the same.

“Jensen…” she whispered; unsure herself whether it was a plea to stop or to keep going.

Jensen closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers, desperately wanting to kiss her again, but not here. He wanted to be home, his or hers, with no onlookers or distractions. He wanted more… he wanted all of her…

He was about to go in for more when the doors opened behind him, the sound of which made them jump apart like two teenagers getting caught in the dark. She had a moment--it couldn’t have been more than that, though it felt like an eternity--where a very clear voice screamed in her head to run. This was wrong, she was drunk, he was drunk, they were in a public place, and she had no business starting something up with him.

The flood of anxiety-riddled doubts crashed into her and physically caused her to step back from him. She didn’t have time to register the hurt and confusion on his face before Y/N was turning and bolting for the door. Little hot pinpricks of tears stung at the corners of her eyes and by the time she reached the door and saw that it was Bri standing there, she could barely see anything at all.

“What happened?” Bri asked, her brow furrowed in concern when she saw how upset Y/N was. She looked across the room to where Jensen stood, still staring in confusion.

“Nothing… I just… can you please take me home?” Y/N’s voice was small, and her entire demeanor was far different than it had been ten minutes earlier.

“Uh, I--” Bri paused and looked back to Jensen again, who just shrugged. He started walking towards them and Bri just held up her hand to tell him to stop. She gently shook her head, silently asking him to give Y/N space. He stopped but Briana could see he wanted to go to Y/N. “Sure, honey. Let me just get my stuff.”

Bri wrapped an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and left the game room, and left Jensen standing there alone in it. As she walked with her new friend down the corridor, Y/N was aware that running out like that wasn’t the best plan; but she needed to get out. What happened with Jensen wasn’t anything like she expected it to be. It was far more intense and meaningful than she thought it could be. The way he touched her, kissed her… It was a game changer.

“Leaving so soon?” Gen asked as they passed her near the coat check.

Y/N tried to reply, but she was still trying to process what almost happened.

“She’s not feeling good,” Bri covered easily. “And I think stud muffin in there has had one too many to try and drive home. Would you and Jared take care of him? I got this one.”

“Of course! I’ll let him know you got Y/N home,” Gen said with a sad smile. “Hope you feel better!”

“Thanks,” Y/N replied quietly. “It was an amazing party, thank you for inviting me.”

Once the pleasantries were passed, Bri quickly shuffled Y/N to the valet stand and handed him the ticket. While they were waiting for her car to come around, she put an arm around Y/N’s shoulder.

“So, did it just get a whole lot more complicated?” she asked.

Y/N rested her head on Bri’s shoulder and sighed. “That, is the understatement of the New Year, my new friend.”

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[emiliaclarkesdragons]

"So, your group... what happened to them?" Spencer asked, with his charming smile. I turned to him, and just looked. I wasn't in the mood to remember. "Alright, we'll talk about something else..." He trailed off. He thought he was an angel, or some sort of James Dean of the apocalypse. But, truth is, women don't want someone like Spencer, they want someone to protect themselves and when it comes to it... The girl. And, frankly, Spencer couldn't do either of those things, he talked too much. "What about your childhood?" He paused for a moment. I knew he was looking at me although I was looking out onto the street. "Lover?" He asked. I rolled my eyes, hoping it was obvious to him. "No? No boyfriend?" He asked, I looked to him once again, a blank expression on my face, "Girlfriend?" He asked surprised. I said nothing. It was best leaving them wondering. "Come on, Phoebe" Spencer begged.

"You shouldn't push people, you know..." I said, adding, "otherwise you might get punched."

"Or worse" A woman commented as she walked past, which forced me to crack a smile.

"Or worse" I repeated slower, trying to hold a laugh. Spencer looked embarrassed. I looked away from him, his face now set into a frown rather than a smirk. I watched the trees sway and the birds fly, the people wonder. "You try too hard Spencer." I said, finally. "If you stopped trying to be someone you aren't, then maybe someone will want to talk to you." He stayed quiet, therefore I was happy to talk. "I had a mom and dad, like everyone else, lived in a shitty neighborhood, had a rough time growing up. But, so did someone else in that neighborhood, therefore we found sanctuary with each other."

"Was she your lover?" Spencer asked, but didn't ask it smugly, so I answered.

"He."

-

He was somewhere he didn't want to be. He wanted to find her, but he didn't know where she was. "Who is she to you?" Beth asked. He shrugged, he didn't want to talk about her. "I know she's alive. She's stronger than-"

"I know she's strong" He snapped, looking from the floor but not straight at Beth. "Sorry" He mumbled, realizing she was only trying to help. "We've known each other since we were kids..." He trailed off, letting a smile form on his face. This made Beth smile, she wanted to hug him but it was clear the person he wanted a hug off was far away. "She slapped Merle once, when we were about 20-something. He wasn't fond of her after that, I only heard the story. I wasn't there." He said, Merle had told him what had happened but in the back of his mind, he knew Merle was lying.

"Did she ever tell you what happened?" Beth asked, sitting down across from him.

"No... but she did burn down his shed... he kept things in there, I don't know what but it certainly pissed him off." He explained. 'Pissed off' was an understatement, Merle was willing to kill her.

"Let's burn that down" Beth suggested, he looked to where she was looking. He gave her a questioning look, "To honor her."

-

I had finally been given a role in Alexandria Safe Zone, which was a relief. I didn't want to be a slacker; a lot of the people here were. They blamed it on having to look after the children, but where were they going to go? These people, they have an idea what it's like out there but it's much worse. Luckily, the walls were strong enough and high enough.

"So, are you ready for the big day?" Spencer asked.

"What big day?" I asked back, collecting my gun and silencer.

"Going beyond the Safe Zone-"

"What about it, Spencer?" I asked, but gave him no time to reply, "It's nothing special, I came from there and now I'm going back out there because I'm one of the few people that know how to deal with what's out there." I had been holding that in, Spencer wasn't going, like I said before he couldn't protect himself. It was pathetic really.

Spencer was stuck for words, I was glad he had stopped talking. But then, "I guess I'll find out what it's really like"

"What?" I snapped.

"I'm coming with you. Gotta keep an eye on you" Spencer said, with a smirk.

"Why can't they?" I asked, pointing to the group waiting in the van, they rolled their eyes. I wasn't sure if they were thinking what I was or not.

"Moms orders" He replied. I huffed and stomped to the van. I was not going to enjoy this trip.

"More like I'll be keeping an eye on him" I muttered to myself.

"You got that right" A woman, around my age said, "It's his first time, not even been in the woods or nothin', it's sad really, being so protected"

"It's pathetic" I corrected, they didn't argue with me, "Name's Phoebe, yours?" I asked, sticking my hand out.

"Lucy" She shook it and smiled, I didn't smile back. I looked to the others for their names.

One of the men said, "Why should we get that close? I mean we'll be dying with that twat coming along." The other two agreed.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged, "I guess I'll call you 'ginger' then, and you better answer when I need help." Lucy let out a chuckle.

"Dave" He said, probably didn't fancy 'ginger'.

"Tristan." He was really young, not that much younger than me, but still young. He was blonde and had his hair sweeping over to the side, it was covering his eyes.

"You should get your hair cut, Tristan" I said, "higher your chances of survival, short hair does." He let out a breathy laugh.

"Jason, or Jas for short" The man said, with a teethy smile. He was tanned and had black hair, it flopped over his eyes but wasn't as bad as Tristan's. I was about to comment on what he had said but Spencer joined us in the back of the van. We exchanged looks which told be Tristan and Jas were just as confused as to why he wasn't in the front as me.

So far, we were safe. We had spotted some walkers but not many, Spencer was getting on my nerves. "What was on the list again?" I asked, not anyone in particular.

"Cans of food, just anything really. Medicine, I suppose" Jas replied from the back.

"You suppose?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah" Jas replied, he had told me he enjoyed winding up Spencer. I had said I would try it, maybe when I didn't have to 'keep an eye on him'.

"Let's split up" I said, walking off to the other side of the store, hearing some footsteps behind me. "Split up, means split up, Spencer."

"I can't leave you alone, you might kill us-"

"Oh, believe me, I want to. But, I'm not that stupid" I said, looking at him with a smirk playing on my lips, "stop being so serious, Spencer." I added.

He followed me around while the others split up. If I wanted to escape I knew I would be able to, Spencer wouldn't be able to stop me. The others wouldn't, they don't even know who I am, I'm not a threat to them. Why I was a threat to Spencer and his family, I don't know.

A gunshot rang out, then another, then another, then another. Someone was firing. "Let's go-" Spencer tried to pull me away back to the van.

"Wow wow wow, we ain't leavin' 'em" I snapped away from his grasp, I pulled him down behind the shelves of the shop. People, people were firing at us, we weren't firing at walkers. "We can't leave, they'll follow" I whispered to Spencer as he watched the man move closer. "Just stay low and out of sight, and trust me." I said, I got to my feet and ran around the back of the aisle, I could hear him whisper shout something to me.

I glanced at the scene that was unfolding, they were trying to fight off these people, they weren't going to win, not without strategy. But, it was too late for that, I knew that. Someone was going to have to be the hero, unfortunately Spencer wasn't it today.

I didn't know who to help first, where do I shoot first. The man getting closer to Spencer or the group advancing on the others. Dave fell to the ground, along with our driver, at least they had the decency to shoot him in the head so he wouldn't come back. That made my choice, I shot in their direction, I didn't miss a single shot. I wasn't a beginner at this, he knew I wasn't. They looked at me baffled but I wasted no time as I walked around the aisle and down to the man, who now had his hands up. "Place the gun on the floor and step away" I ordered. He did as I said, I would say he was in his late 30's but I couldn't be sure, he had an old face. I glanced to Spencer, waiting for his order. He was in charge of this now, we had a hostage and he had the same amount of authority as his mother.

He knew he was better at the talking than the fighting. I looked to Jas, Lucy and Tristan, "sweep the rest of the building, make sure no one else is hiding" They nodded, glancing at their two friends on the floor, I wished I didn't have to tell them to leave their friends but I didn't want them all dead.

-

The storm raged. He sat at the back of the barn they were hiding in, wondering what she would do when coming across the free water. He hadn't seen her in so long that he was forgetting her.

The storm grew harsher and the one thing he knew was that she would have been scared. Just like she had been when they were younger. Where ever she was now, he knew she was scared, probably sitting at the window watching and waiting.

Waiting for what? He thought. The storm to end? The rain to wash away the mess of the world? Him? Waiting for him?

-

A storm was raging tonight and I was fully awake. I wished he was here, he always knew how to calm me down, Spencer didn't understand. "Phoebe, come back to bed, it's only a shower" he mumbled, still asleep in a way. I looked at him but ignored him, I turned my attention back to the window.

I was trusted after Dave died and I 'saved' them. It was a shame it took something like that to prove to them I wasn't a threat. To them anyway. Somewhere along the line Spencer and I had gotten together, why? I still didn't know, one thing I knew is that it wouldn't last. That was certain. We weren't boyfriend-girlfriend, we were just... having sex.

I missed him.

-

The next day, I had to clean out the fallen rubbish from the woods. Why, I didn't know. I had tried to convince Spencer to allow me to stay in the Safe Zone, it was still a little cloudy and I didn't trust the weather. I didn't want to be stuck out here on my own. He had said that I was frightened of missing something in the Safe Zone. "Frightened" I tutted to myself as I stumbled over fallen branches, "I always miss things" I tutted again.

I took a few weapons I had found on the floor to the storage room, "thought we might make use of them one day" I said. Olivia didn't like me going into the store room, she didn't trust me. She didn't hide it well. She tutted as she added them to the list and placed them in the right place as my attention fell onto a crossbow, "who's is that?" I asked Olivia.

"None of your business" She huffed, ushering me out of the door.

-

"So, what have I missed- why are you all dressed up?" I asked Spencer.

"There's a welcome party, we have a few new guests" Spencer leaned in to kiss me, but I avoided him. I was still thinking about him.

"Did one have a crossbow?" I asked as I moved away from him.

"Yes..." He replied wearily. My heart dropped. "He did." My heart was in my stomach.

"What did he look like?" I asked.

"I can't really remember, you should change into something- before we go" He changed what he was saying.

"Who says I want to go?" I asked, annoyed as I knew that he was lying, he knew exactly what the man with the crossbow looked like. I walked to the wardrobe, picked out a short dress which I had worn the day Spencer and I shared too much wine.

"Don't you want to see the new people?" He asked, knowing the answer, watching me change, that was obvious even though my back was to him.

"Let me rephrase that, Spencer" I huffed, turning to him, zipping up the dress, "who says I want to go with you?"

-

The only reason he was there was because he had heard Spencer say her name. It may be just a coincidence but he needed to know and it was making Rick and the group happy.

The music was loud but he could still hear everyone talking still, he heard the door open and close. He didn't look, he didn't want to seem to care, but he had a feeling.

It was a strong feeling. He thought it was her, but when he turned there was no one new there. He moved his attention back to the room. His mind was tricking him, he was sure of it, a woman looked like her. But she was too far away to see clearly.

-

I was only there to see who they were, but I was whisked away by Spencer and his family. I didn't see anyone new- "Rick?"

"Phoebe?" Rick replied and asked me something else, pulled me into a hug. It all happened so fast but I was looking for him.

Then. I spotted him, he was looking at me. It was almost like a movie. We began walking to each other, I heard Spencer call me, but I ignored him. "Daryl" I whispered as we gotten close enough. We didn't hug, we never had.

"Phoebe... my little trouble maker..." He whispered, "where'd you go?"

I shrugged, letting a sob out only loud enough for him to hear, "Here" was all I could manage.

"Phoebe..." He whispered, I couldn't take it, I had to feel him. But he acted in a way I hadn't seen before, "I- I love you." He whispered, cupping my face and placing a soft kiss on my lips.

Thanks for reading! 

[daveedsbra-blog]

Stupid Cupid Pt. 2

pairing: Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader X Anthony Ramos

TW: angry parents, I say ‘christ’ man, real wild.

summary: greasers are nice but they can be shitty, same goes for most teenagers, though, its hard when you can’t make up your mind over two boys, especially when you have the expectations of family and friends.

words:  2012 (wow)

a/n: assdjfhhsjfndjfjsncnvr it’s here, I'm sorry, I started a new school and this is way overdue, but I think I'm gonna do like one more proper chapter and then a lin or Anthony drama thing idk, okay love you xox, I might get a few fics out this week if were lucky!! also @pdothamman you’re welcome

part one

The next day I found myself drifting to school in a romantic struck haze, smiling to anyone who passed me on the street. my book bag, which was slung over my shoulder, gave no feeling of weighing me down, in fact, I didn't feel it's usually nagging weight. I drifted down the school path, listening to the chatter of students around me.

Why am I so happy? You may ask. Well, this morning when I went downstairs I was greeted by my brother, who didn't seem too pleased, showing a bouquet of roses into my hand, then he let out an annoyed "they're from Lin.." Then went back to eating his Krinkles, glaring the bunch down as I sat at the table, my mom sliding a bowl of cereal in front of me. "He was quite impressed with himself" she sang, smiling at my brother. "I quite like that boy" she adds, giving my brother the same look he gave the roses. "You know, your dad did the same thing to me, we did have lives you know," she says, rushing to the sink, I rolled my eyes and ate. So there I was, smiling to myself, the roses Lin gave me pinned in my hair. I kept a look out for him, but to no avail, so I went to my classes for the morning, talking to Philipa about the previous day. During morning tea I sat with my friends, Philipa, Renee, and Jasmine, as I talked I looked around, distancing myself from them as I tried to spot the brunette. "Y/N? Are listening" I shaken from my search by Renee moving my shoulder back I forth, I look at her with a confused expressing. "Y/N, are you okay?" Jasmine asks, resting a hand on my calf. "Uh... Yes, sorry I'm distracted" I sigh, seeing Pippa roll her eyes in my peripherals "what?" I snap at her, a frown forming on my face as I look at her, she smiles and plucks a flower from my hair. "You're acting all lovey Dovey after your date with Lin last night," she says, sniffing the rose, causing Jasmine and Renne gasp and lean in. "What was he like?" "Did he buy you dinner?" "Did he hold your hand?" "Where did you go?" They both gush like blabbering idiots as I sigh to myself. "It wasn't a date, we went to the park to study..." I say, giving them an unimpressed look. "But yes... He did hold my hand" I try to cover the wide grin on my face. I watch their faces go from excited grins to shocked, knowing stares directed behind me. "He did what now?" A male voice as from behind me, resting their hands on the top of my head. "Chris, Jon, sit down, we're talking about Y/N and Lin's date last night," Philipa says, causing me to stare at her angrily. "It wasn't a date!" I insist, my voice going into a high-pitch shriek. I see the Chris and Jon sit down next to me. "So you're the reason he canceled our study session," Jon says, his face looking a mixture of being impressed and disappointed. "Lin and I studied in the park and he merely helped me, nothing more," I say. "Well that's not what I heard a few seconds ago" Renee had a sly look on her face as she looked around the group, I huff and cross my arm, hunching over with a scowl on my face. "So? He held my hand? He was being polite, that's how you should treat a lady" I say. "What are you? Last of the Victorians? Jeez..." Chris shakes his head. "Just ask the guy out on a date.." He adds, resting his head in his hands. "Maybe... I promised Anthony I'd go out with him after school, though.." I say quietly, cause the loudest group groan you've ever heard, Pippa throws herself backward, being dramatic, Jon and Chris look at each other with a disappointed look, Renee falls onto my lap and Jasmine looks at me with a pitiful look. "No!" Is the overall judgment. "Come on! You're gonna do that to Lin?" Pippa tried to guilt trip me. "I promised him! I can't back out of a promise, my mother raised me better" I say. "Firstly, your mom hates Anthony, and two, just tell him to go away," Chris says. "We all know that's true" "And I don't even know your mom!" Jon butts in, causing everyone to look at me. "Well... Then I'll do it out of spite" I frown at all of them, sitting up straight. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have Home tech" I stand up and swing my back over my shoulder, walking away, moistening to Pippa laugh and get up. "We're joking Y/N, you know I love you," she says, linking her arm in mine, walking with me. "Whatever" I sigh, smiling at her. --- As the end of the day approached I felt myself grow excited yet nervous, once I ran out the school gates and waited for Anthony, in the same place he usually picks me up in, I stood there, holding my book back to my chest, looking around, keeping an eye out for his turquoise Bel Air Chevy. When he finally pulled up I smiled, his hair was out all over his face as he gave me a toothy grin, his Chevrolet dying down as he stopped in front of me. "Hop in babes" he said, I gave him a meek smile as I opened the door, placing my books on the floor, tucking my dress under my thighs as I sat down, I looked at him and leant over to give him a small peck on the cheek, causing him to break out in a red blush, turning into a stuttering mess. "Thank you for taking me out, Anthony," I say. "C-call me Ant," he says wide-eyed as he drives down to the road, I laugh to myself as I turn to face the passing road on my right. "So, where are we going?" I ask, my hair flying around my face, the top of the car being wound down. "Well, mom and pops are out for the evening, so I was thinking I could show you the farm," he says, I smile sweetly and turn to him. "That sounds really nice," I say, my eyes moving to his hand as he shifted gears in the car. "I'm really excited," he says, I nod at him. "I am too," I say simply. ------ We drove for a while longer, spoke about small things, and eventually showed up at his house, the long gravel driveway shaking the car as we drove down the hill, I barely spotted his house as we drove. He pulled outside the tall, White House, the black joining complementing the rest of it. I open the door and reached down to grab my bag, Anthony appeared at the door and took my hand, helping me up, I laughed at him and wandered past him, going towards the house as he closed my door. "Your house is so nice," I gawk, he looks down and smiles shyly. "T-thank you.." He says as he flies up the porch steps, unlocking the door, and swinging it open, a golden retriever bursting through the door, jumping on the chest, I let out a shriek and jump backwards. "Oh my goodness!" I say. "Daisy! Down!" Anthony commands, the dog turning to him, jumping up on him. "I'm so sorry" he apologizes, patting the dogs head as she licked his face. "No, she's cute. But a little shocking" I laugh. He looks at the dog and back at me with an apologetic look. "Come on, I can get you something to drink, I think we have some pop in the back fridge,on" he says, pushing the dog into the house. I follow him, my hands behind my back as I give him a curious look.

“so what's the drive like to school?” I ask as I follow him through the corridors of his large house, he turns back and gives me a curious look “by that I mean you live quite far away the drive must be quite long” I clarify, he nods and continues to walk leading me up a flight of stairs.

“yeah I suppose it's quite long” he says says he swerves into a bedroom, this bedroom had a queen size bed with messy bed covers a large window that had been open on its way to setting, a cold breeze blowing through the room as I look at the clothes strewn across the floor. “but I've gotten used to it” he adds giving me a bright smile.

A silence hung over the room as we both stared at each other, daisy quietly panting behind me in the doorway.

“Do you want to go outside?” He asks, I nod and agree, following him out.

-----

I didn't realize how much land his family owned, he held my hand tightly as he leads me up a hill, the sun glowing down on us as the flowers fall from my hair.

I giggle at something he says as we sit down, my hand interwoven with his as he told me a story about Daveed and Oak getting detention.

“Hey, what time do you need to be home? I think it's getting late” he says, looking at the sky, the sun already setting, leaving a pink heugh lying over the sky, like sleeping beauty.

“My curfew is at 6, so probably before then,, ” I say, his face sinks. “What?” I ask.

“We should probably get going, then. It's 5:46 right now” he say, biting his lip, my face sinks too.

“Oh Christ” I murmur, standing up, my flats barely holding it together as I started down the hill, Anthony chasing behind as I ran towards the car.

“My dad's going to kill me!” I shriek, pulling on the door handle Anthony lets out a nervous laugh.

“It's gonna be fine, I'll get you home in time, ” he says, jumping over the door of the car, land in the seat, he then leans over to the passenger side and opens it for me, I jump in with a huff as he starts driving.

“It's not your fault, I'm not angry, my dad is going to be angry, though” I sigh, leaning against the side of the car, my ponytail flapping about in the wind as we drove.

“just blame it on me, your parents hate me as it is” he sighs sadly.

“I don't hate you, though, so that's what really matters,” I say at him.

“well it kind of does, I don't mean to be a downer, but if I asked you out your dad would make you say no” he says “It's not a fairy tale ending, Y/N, I can't make them like me” he sounds defeated as we pull up onto the road, the silence settling as I thought about what he said.

“I don't know what to say…” I sigh “you're right, which I don't particularly like but I don't blame you…”

We didn't really talk as I looked at the sky, the sun slowly setting over the town.

----

“Y/N! You're 25 minutes late! Where were you?” my mother screams at me as I walk through the door, she turns to the corridor, my brother's smug face behind her as I look at the ground. She stomps up to me and grabs the collar of my shirt, dragging me to the kitchen.

“I bet she was out with Anthony,” Eddy says, a smile plastered on his face asIsee my father stone cold face staring at me.

“I hope this is false, Y/N”, He says, I flinch.

“it… it's true… im sorry” I say quietly and I hold my hands together.

“and where on earth is your bag?” he asks, his hand pointing at me.

“I must have left it”