#but my monkey ooo ooo aaah aah brain thinks it does

[specialbluehens]

What are the crack theories 🎤

short version: shane is the son of the witch & the wizard & got his memories erased. boom.

long version:

"rose what the fuck" LISTEN.

this is known. the witch is the wizard's ex-wife. he mentions after they split she began flying around the countryside cursing everything.

and then marnie has this dialogue when u talk to her in the ranch:

the noise could've been anything given wtf the wizard is doing HOWEVER. u could say the terrible noise was her hearing the witch & the wizard fighting/arguing. why?

we all know this theory. it's a very strong theory given dialogue from the wizard, caroline, pierre, & abigail herself (contradictory dialogue exists too, like saying abigail's hair is dyed & she naturally has brown hair like pierre)

but i'm adding more to this.

shane & jas are godfather & goddaughter, respectfully. shane & jas are also both marnie's nephew & niece. so?? my hc is that shane had a sibling (i go with an older sister) who got married & had jas, named shane her godfather. he avoids acknowledging his sibling's death hence why he says godfather, not uncle, & never brings the sibling up. they have hair like jas's. shane's hair is natural (it's never mentioned as dyed sooooooo)

now. there's this smaller, not as commonly accepted theory that jas is the wizard's daughter due to her having a very similar skin tone & purple hair. i'm going with granddaughter :)

and i'm going with abigail being the biological daughter of the wizard & caroline, which would make shane & her half siblings.

but they don't know that :)

to continue down this rabbit hole, in the witch's hut are the three dark shrines. memory, selfishness, & night terrors. only two to focus on for this are memory & selfishness.

bc the wizard was going to use them.

with the way the farmer just like. has access to the witch's hut from the wizard's tower after completing the quest... that had to have been there. maybe when they were married it was just the place to keep the dark shrines & do other things. but then the wizard cheats & caroline gets pregnant with abigail.

the wizard was planning on erasing the witch's memory & turning shane & his sibling into doves to avoid consequences of his actions. at this point he feels no remorse, only that it'll be a hinderance in what he's trying to do. esp bc at this point, neither shane nor his sibling are showing they've got magical abilities like him or the witch. shane is like, 5 years old by this point (marnie is not magical, but she is the witch's sister).

the witch finds out, & their fight is the dreadful noise marnie heard. the witch keeps him from getting to the shrines but in the end, he uses smth else, a spell, to erase the memories of shane & his sibling of him & the witch, who is so angry, but she can't let him get to the shrines. her children losing their memories is better than turning into doves never to be seen again. she's able to get them to marnie, but then she makes the decision to erase marnie's memory for the sake of shane & his sibling, as well as marnie. (to stay away from the wizard).

shane & his sibling move on, end up in the foster care system (marnie believes her sister & her husband have gone missing & eventually gives up trying to remember bc it feels like ages ago). shane & his sibling visit often though, mostly during summers. but his memory wipe is why shane says he never had much of a family & why he doesn't believe in magic.

the wizard never expects shane is become a true resident of the valley again. but when shane does, the wizard has given up by this point & has moved on. he feels remorse now, but he also doesn't try to ammend, seeing no point as it's been nearly 30 years. the witch has lost herself in her anger & curses throughout the valley as the wizard explains.

until one spirit's even when she is going to curse an unsuspecting ranch house & sees someone walking towards it. he makes her pause. he's familiar. she can't quite put her finger on it. shane goes inside, completely unaware. and that's that.

...

until the witch decides to go find out for herself :)

(shit hits the fan from here but this post is long enough & entering more like. story/fic territory... which i do wanna write LMAO)