#but my mom screwed me up
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guys I felt genuine fear in my stomach while reading this tweet...
#this can't be happening... please ...#we really can't have anything good now... huh... everything will be tainted by greed... shit adaptations are incoming#horrid sequels etc... I am so sad that larian doesn't even own the fucking characters they made! fml#I haven't been interested in any of my hobbies in the past decade... bg3 helped me regain some of that joy#but this will be also screwed soon... it's already happening... how great#I understand why they are moving away from bg3... and I didn't expect any new content or dlc or anything like that#but I didn't expect that the characters will be handed over to WOTC ... that is horrible#my post#my posts#bg3 mine#larian studios#current events#giving me doomsday feelings ... but I already had doomsday feelings from the war getting worse nearby...#I guess if russia kills us all I won't have to feel sad about how all my favourite stories are ruined... oh well#apparently my mom is stocking up on food as if a bag of rice could save her if they drop an atomic lol#negativity posting#baldur's gate 3#bg3#wizards of the coast#twitter
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y’all pray for me tomorrow
#was going to try to buy a couple small kitchen appliances#but wanted one of my siblings to go along with me because while i /can/ do multi hour drives on my own#i don’t necessarily like it#well found out the family’s going to (redacted) this weekend anyway to visit grandma#great i think! i’ll just swing by and grab one of them early to take along#(since mom said they were going to church tonight)#but dad has once again screwed me by having something to do at mass tomorrow#so i gotta go by myself to pick up the blender#i’m waiting to hear if the person with the food processor will be available for me to pick it up tomorrow#at least grandma’s okay with me coming by the retirement home early#but zach will not be happy i’m going by myself#if i tell him#which i’m gonna try to avoid doing lmao.
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my parents have actually told me before that since I’m the oldest child I’m the one they make all the mistakes with
#we’re yapping again#I mean as long as they don’t make the same mistakes with my siblings#at least it’s me with the screwed up brain and not my siblings#also my mom is better now than she was when I was younger
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EVAN BUCK BUCKLEY IS BISEXUAL!!!!!!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOO 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂🎂🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰!!!!
#IT'S CANONICAL#SCREAMING SOBBING THROWING UP#HOOHHHHHHHH MY GOSH#9-1-1#911#oasis's 9-1-1 chatter#bi buck#evan buckley#the bi buck tag is for me slfkfhsld#9-1-1 spoilers#911 spoilers#911abc#911 on abc#we are about to be trending at one for so long#y'all I stopped my review for this#I also think I stopped breathing when it happened#I was literally screaming#whisper screaming because my mom was washing dishes in the next room but OH MY GOSH#I was catching up on my liveblogging and literally just stopped as the scene was getting more and more sud#I was drawn in and also wanting to pay attention#and then as it happened I said SCREW IT I'M TYPING I'LL COME BACK slfkghs xD#my gosh#losing it <3333#guys#guys :'DD#we DID IT#oh my gosh#oliver must be so happy genuinely lol#wow. buddie soon guys :')) but I am NOT disrespecting this victory#AFTER SEVEN SEASONS :'DDDD he's finally there :')) ❤️❤️❤️😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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Wanting my dad dead is not enough for real
#he got mad because i called him on his vacation because i needed help with something hugely important like not to exaggerate it was pretty#much life or death. and he got mad and said I'm gonna hand up on you and my mom was like nooo don't say that to our daughter and i was like.#ok screw you! and i hung up. my cousins were there with me so he left once again in evidence that he's an asshole in front of my mom's fam#which. they know but a reminder never hurts
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man one summer i had to sleep on my mom’s couch in the little apartment because there was no bed/room for me…. god i’m so appreciative of my new mattress LOL
#rambles.#i did get cuddles from the kitties tho. but one of them is so big i couldn’t move#that summer sucked major ass my sleep was so screwed i was so depressed i started developing dissociation/depersonalization problems#i used to have to get up and take my brother to the bus stop for summer school#i eventually would just stay awake through the night until then#and when i got back i would crawl into my mom’s bed and sleep while she was at work lmfao#sorry i feel like oversharing again. i feel like it helps me because sometimes i almost forget about this stuff especially in therapy lol#anyways ✌🏻
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does anyone want to talk about the bible fanfic TV show The Chosen tm and how the actor playing Judas is the most bangable babygirl twink of all time
#the chosen#please god let this reach the right audience#see what i did there?#but yeah. called him babygirl infront of my mom and well#i didnt know how to explain that to her#this makes me think like. did they make him queer coded on purpose or is my reality filter screwed up#honestly if they did it on purpose thats sick asf#but also like kinda fucked#but brilliant? yeah
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I feel like I'm gonna fucking die
#my mom made me feel guilty about the music I listen to bc I got my sister into Paramore and our mom REALLY disapproves of Pmore#I accidentally dropped a small item down the toilet mid-flush and now I'm sick worrying what's gonna happen#i have to go to worship practice tonight and deal with an extremely difficult sound technician#youth group has been horribly stressful#i need to do a ton of work still tonight#I just found out I massively screwed up on a job app a couple weeks ago#and I just want to like. disappear for a while#just like. poof. no more Lu for a bit#I feel like Anything I do is gonna be Wrong somehow#I can't listen to music to chill bc i feel guilty ABOUT LISTENING TO MUSIC#I don't think I have the mental space to read rn bc I'm reading fricking house of leaves#if I tried to write I would probably hate what comes out#but idk that seems the most promising at this point that's the only thing I can honestly say I want to do#Lu rambles#sorry for the language I just needed to vent
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FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#WHATS UP GUYS ITS YA GIRL HANA SPIRALING ONCE AGAIN#guess who found a TICK on my ARM for the first time EVER I’m gonna die aren’t I I’m gonna fucking PERISH#bashes my head against a wall IT’S FINE I’M SO FINE!!!#I’m NOT FINE I am on the verge of a PANIC ATTACK I don’t know WHY I’m posting this instead of asking my mom what to DO#ripped that fucker out with my BARE HANDS I hope he GOES TO HELL#I KNOW YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.#YOU ALSO PROBABLY ARENT SUPPOSED TO PANIC AND PICK AT IT UNTIL IT BLEEDS LIKE YOURE A FUCKING MEDIEVAL DOCTOR#OH YEAH JUST MAKE YOURSELF BLEED AND THE ✨TOXINS✨ WILL GO OUT#BUT PANIC DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE LOGICAL!!! I THINK IM GONNA SLICE MY WHOLE ARM OFF JUST GET IT ALL OFF#SO FUCKING GROSS!!! I FEEL UNCLEAN!!!#how the actual hell did I get a tick bite while wearing a sweater and a hoodie. how did he get through#I think I’m never gonna go outside again. yeah. that sounds good#I don’t know how fucking long it was there I’m gonna die I’m gonna die#if I die I’m taking finch with me!!! that sucker will be mine into the grave!!! nobody else will own him but me!!!#WHATS UP MUTUALS I’M NOT GONNA FUCKINH DIE IT’S FINE#if you’ve never had a squirmy gross organism in your body be thankful!!!! damn!!!!!#it was still ALIVE and squirming I’m gonna throw up and cry and die and#screw nature actually. we should burn it all down (DO NOT DO THIS)
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i appreciate the concern anon! im mostly not serious but im also a little serious but im not gonna do anything drastic but my brain really really really thinks about doing drastic things
#i am not having a good time lol#i am tired of getting yelled at and im tired of yelling and im tired of getting into fights over stupid shit#and im tired of everything turning into an argument#and im tired of standing up for myself and im tired of maintaining a thick skin and im tired of feeling and being treated like a child#and im tired of feeling like a useless burden and an emotional drain and a financial drain#and im tired of being trapped in my childhood bedroom and im tired of feeling like my mom should never have had me#and im tired of feeling like my existence is a net negative#and im tired of taking the blame and im tired of never being good enough and im tired of not being capable of being worth anything#and im tired of stepping on eggshells and trying to read my mother's mind#and im tired of being disabled and poor and nonfunctional#and im tired of having to exist and im tired of my brain not working and im tired of my body not working#and im tired of making her mad and im tired of screwing up and im tired of being a stupid asshole#and im tired of trying to be better and im tired of always failing#and im tired and im tired and im tired and im tired and im tired and im tired and im tired.#xenospeak#venting#i wish i could just cease to exist without making anybody sad.#the past few years have felt like endlessly treading water and it's getting very very exhausting. it's hard to keep going like this.
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☔️
#having a family has never been anything but a burden for me sadly#i always feel like a burden who drags my family down#but truth is i dont bother them. i only let things affect me and myself#i never do anything that affect my family#this is harsh but i have to vent....#because of things and my mom not making it work#she'll be completely without money for july and august#that is really bad bc we are already poor#and without her income we're basically screwed#i feel frustrated bc i do mine. i do what i need to do#they've always been mad at me for being a failure and a fuck up but i've always made sure i do what i have to to get my income#but my mom didnt plan well enough and here we are#i know i shouldnt be angry but i just feel so angry#i've done what i can do as to NOT stress about money#but she didnt and now it'll spill over me and affect me#im so fucking stressed omg sskkskskskksksks#will we be able to make rent?#it's just so frustrating#for every little thing that happens i realize more and more that for me#family will never be anything other than a burden i dont want or need#if im on my own i take care of my shit and that's that#i wont have three other ppl dragging me down and fucking things up#jesus christ... thanks mom#why didnt she plan better to avoid this? i dont understand ppl#im so meticilous with having plan 1 b c d e etc etc#i know things go bad and i want to be sympathetic with her#but the situation she's put us in.... i cant be anything but angry rn
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my bestfriend cussing me out in the gc bc she thinks i want her man was the most devastating event of my night. especially after i do all that i can for her and she still thinks i want her man ?? especially after i told her i was really interested in someone right now 💀💀
and my boss talking shit abt me w her ?? girl bye.
#there isn’t a thing i don’t do for that girl#her dad didn’t go to her graduation so i did#i brought her favorite flowers#got chewed out for staying out too long#brought her mom w me bc she didn’t have a ride#pick up her calls every time she called no matter how busy i was#reassuring her in her relationship constantly whenever she needed it#supporting her throughout her journey at the gym#telling her she’s one of the most beautiful ppl i’ve seen#every single fucking day#but no. LOL.#she’s always picking at my personality and how i’m a bad person#i don’t do well in relationships bc it’s fucking hard to love someone after being hurt before#so all my relationships since that one relationship#i have screwed up tremendously because i don’t know how to handle it#i have a difficult time having healthy relationships#and she will come at me and say#‘why are you proud of being toxic?’#i never said that.#i’m proud of being confident and not letting men get to me#but i’m not proud of my inability to handle a healthy relationship#it’s genuinely hard for me and i really don’t know how to fix my habits#i try my best and do what’s right but it always falls short#and she sees that as me being a bad person#and then last night she told me#‘go worry about fixing that toxic ass personality of yours#like ok.#i’d never in a million years take your personal issues and use them against you#but thanks#good to know.
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I sm meant for a psperwork and objevt organizing desk job. Archivist gemersl thing study n organizer. Typinh out data and keepinh records. It is a fuvking crime this is noy a job i can find within my ares or reslly a viable one to really fo snywhere i would thrive. Plesse universe give this to me i hste calling people
#winter speaks#im gonns curl up in tgr absolute tighyest ball i voild ever mansge snd cry untol im fired istg#iys so busy ivr wsiyed hours to go n pee snd i did sll the psperwork whivh nonone asked me to so im noy pissy about thst#its just fuvkin why sre mg voworkers so hypocriyicsl. just vheck tgr psrts it doesnt mstter#i dony understsnd willfully screwinh people over jusy bv you dony wsnna do something#then just so so slow iy does noy take half an hour to look ovrr a tgree foot sample iys fiiiiiiine uoure doin it on purpose i knoe you are#shify beforr startin crsp up ehen iys mot good so so msny rejects snd more psperwork whivh i lobe paperwork#but noy when its so busy snd me doin iy screws ovrr othrr people bv im noy checking thinhs then#and pointrdly skippinh ober the more difficult psrt whilr giving me s look absolutrly fuck uou fick uoj fuck uou#m so tirrd wanns nap csnt nap csnt get caffiene bv i left my dsmn csrd at home n m on the stupif meds agsin thst mske me#extremrly light headrd for howevrr lonh iyll tske to even out so iy is am extrs terrible time#i grt one morr look im jsmminh my knifr in a vontrol panel snd laughinh while the plave burns. not reslly. but temptrd#bitinh bitinh biting biting bitinh#n mom textrd thst dad wass pissy o i know they werr fighyinh snd thay mesns thsts wgat the weekends honns be#floor fuvkin est me id likr reslity to cease
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I hate it when it's like 2am and I get a wave of one of the feelings on the sad spectrum and my chest starts to hurt
#My mom got pissed that I kept picking the wrong book when I asked her for the first of the saga that I found on the library#Okay so there's this elven blood book but I only found the third one of the saga in our house library so I asked for the first one#And my mom saw me reading Game Of Thrones a couple hours before and so she thought I was asking for the first one of Game Of Thrones#And she kept pointing at the book saying “With the black cover! Next to the yellow letters!” and I thought she knew what book I meant#But she didn't so she kept pointing at Game Of Thrones and was getting more frustrated by the second#And so was i because I knew that wasn't the book I meant and I thought she did#This is just to say “my mom should be sleeping more because she's constantly tired and needs to rest for my patience's sake”#I get that it's summer and it's hot at night but she's sleeping at 2am or later and neither my sister or me can sleep if she doesn't#And my sister is a child so ya know brain develop and having a phone so young already screwed her up enough#So she should at least get some full night rest#And I can sleep late by myself perfectly fine and in fact I've been doing it since I have memory. I don't need my mom's help for this#Tldr my mom is already easily upset and lack of rest makes it worse. For me i mean. Atp I just roll my eyes and count to 10 to not yell back
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KOSA Bill. In three days, the bill will either pass or be disgarded. Please reblog and sign petitions. to help stop the bill by going to the stop kosa tag so we can not let the bill pass!
The definition of not safe for work content that would be censored under KOSA is vague and would of course target the LGBT community.
#not art#I'm so tired okay#A Tennessee Governor has allowed public officials to deny same sex marriages if it makes them uncomfortable#Alabama ruled that frozen embryos count as children#and would make it so women trying to get pregnant through IVF can only do so one egg at a time#Even if the egg is knowingly not viable#This process takes months and would be for nothing#Cops can open fire on you or run you over and joke about it with no consequences#As well as cop cities opening over the majority of states and being supported by Israel where they can better train our police in abuse#The industry I want to go into is experiencing massive layoffs and people simply aren't valued as it's all about shareholders and investors#And to top it all off the planet is still dying due to climate change caused by oil and gas companies and their CEOs#Both me and my mom are unemployed and we definitely couldn't afford the place we've been provided if it weren't for assistance#And I'm worried something will get screwed up and we'll just get evicted and this'll all be for nothing#I just don't see the point anymore#I only exist to provide shelter to my family as the apartment is in my name and to hopefully try and pay back those have donated to me#Besides that I just go through every day not seeing any upside to continuing to live but not committed to die
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