#but my friends can attest that's my go to descriptor of him

[alshaverpressbox]

this is what I mean when I call matt boldy white bread (affectionate)

[sanstropfremir]

I’d love your thoughts on BTS and their current image and music if you have them and aren’t afraid of the mindless internet hoards.

Personally, I liked a lot of their older stuff, but haven’t liked anything since I think the Fake Love promotions 3+ years ago. They’d started losing their personality and soul before that album cycle, but it feels like the sanitization of their image and artistry really kicked into hyperdrive after that. Now most of what they do seems like a sterile money grab driven by the Hybe hive mind which is a shame.

ok alrighty (cracks knuckles) let's get into it.

now that i've fully given myself a headache watching the majority of the bts videography, here are three points i'm going to cover:

performative character and the lack thereof

interesting aesthetics and the lack thereof, and

the inevitable cracking of perfection

ready, set, let's begin.

1.

idol music is very clearly definited by spectacle based aesthetics. and it's had that structure for its entire existence. so i gotta hand it to hybe for this one, because they managed to revolutionize being utterly fucking average. the triumph of bts is that they're just some guys and they look like just some guys. hybe found a niche in the system and then gamed that system to the tune of one of the largest musical acts in the world. they're not marketing bts as a romantic parasocial relationship, they're marketing them as your friends. and that is just as insidious to lonely kids as a run of the mill romantic fantasy. but that's not what i'm here to talk about today.

there's a pattern i find very interesting with bts mvs and that is that i don't remember anything about them. specifically, i don't remember the stuff that's happening IN the video; not the styling, not the setpieces, if i didn't know the members i doubt i would remember them either. what i DO remember, is how expensive the production is, and specific shots. i couldn't tell you what a single member was wearing, but i sure as hell remember that first upward angle shot of jungkook and the rusted park ride in spring day. or every single time they do that birdseye shot of jin in like every video. honestly as far as i'm aware jin has only ever worn a loose fitting beige longsleeve shirt.

it took bts a long time to establish any kind of consistent visual character. and the character they did establish.... i don't know if you can call a family-friendly-style clean aesthetic 'character'. they debuted as a hip hop group to little (comparative) success, and then made a switch to doing an early version of where they're currently at right now. if you've seen any of the mvs, you know that this is a pretty significant visual change. i don't think it is inherently a bad change, since the visual branding for hiphop based groups always tips over into iffy terrritory, but it is dramatic enough and early enough that it doesn't strike me as a natural evolution. concept switch ups are common, but they usually work because the members have established a bit of character for themselves, used their performance abilities and presence to fit into a niche in the group. the idol mould is perfect for showcasing the performers; that's its function. the groups that are the most fun to watch are the ones with stage presence, the ones who know how to perform, who can act all the parts they need to play. and bts? 4/7 actual performers on a good day. in my personal opinion it's 2/7.

i'm gonna expand on what i said about jimin here (this is technically the first part of this series), because it does apply to the rest of the group on the whole:

and i think here is where we see the main crux of the difference between taemin and jimin as performers: taemin has both an artistic and an idol persona. we know and understand him to do solo work that has a separate artistic meaning to just him being an idol. even though this performance was pre-move, i would still say this applies, because he's hot off press your number, where he's acting in a story based mv. jimin on the other hand just has his idol persona. he's not known for creating the same kind of storytelling that taemin is.

bts has been very insistent on the image of the group as a single unit. despite having the size of fanbase and the revenue that would make any official solo debut a massive success, none of them have done any substantial solo work. this isn't artistically a problem, and i think it's very admirable of them to be so dedicated to the image and the legacy of the group, when that can be an uncommon trait in the industry. i do however, think it starts to become an issue when we want to discuss what the artistic visions and images of groups are. shinee taemin and solo taemin have two distinct artistic representations, and taemin himself will attest to that. it's the same with all the shinee members that have solo careers, and the same with other groups. jackson, bambam, yugyeom, and jaebeom's solo work is all very different from got7. yixing's solo work is very different from exo's. even the subunits within exo all have their own character (cbx and sc). kpop groups all ostensibly are trained under the same system, so why the disparity with bts? mostly, it's their brand of "authenticity." it's impossible to perform authentically, by the nature of performance as a medium it is unnatural, and tragically, not everyone is naturally interesting, or suited to performing: that's why the performing arts even exist in the first place. it required painstaking training to be good at performing; it is a complex set of skills and those skills are not learnt by "being authentic." being an idol is not just the singing, dancing, rapping; that's only half the work. you need to be able to act to be a compelling performer. pulling your true self and emotions out on stage every night is a fast track to burnout and psychological issues, there's plenty of evidence. the only member of bts of whom i can say for some certainty has a persona and a stage presence is jhope/hoseok, a) because he's kept up a very specific brand in the solo work that he has done, and b) he has actual dance training, not just kpop dance training. the rest of them may have the kpop dance and the kpop vocal training, but what they do not have is the ability to market themselves as compelling performers on stage. taehyung is the only other member i would hesitantly give a semblance of persona and ability to, but i think he stumbled onto that mostly by accident. and if all the pieces don't each have a distinctive colour, how can the whole machine be visually interesting?

2.

bts may never have been able to establish an aesthetic brand, but what they did establish is an intellectual one. if you talk to a fan, the schtick they give is that "it's about the lyrics." as noble as having an intellectual or cerebral message is, what does that look like? how do you portray intellectual on stage, on film? what about intellectual is interesting to watch? cerebral, by it's literal nature as a descriptor, is very difficult to communicate in visual language because it is internal. to successfully communicate cerebrality and intellect in a short form medium like music videos requires a deft hand with metaphor that can elude even an experienced designer. and honestly? i don't know whether to applaud hybe's visual team for being the most successful subtle contemporary designers i've every seen, or to decry them as worst kpop designers i've ever seen. maybe both. regardless, i don't think they're able to cross the gap.

there are exactly four mvs where i actually remember the content of the mv and not the frame it sits in, and those are dna, idol, the singularity comeback trailer with taehyung, and war of hormone. and of an eight year career......that's not very many. these four mvs have at least an inkling of interesting spectacle and character, but even then, it's still a stretch. there is absolutely nothing to write home about in the styling for dna, other than it's well colour matched. I don't even know if I should include singularity because it involves none of the other members. idol is probably their most interesting mv because it actually has alternative styling and varies (at least a little bit) from the standard hybe boom crane shot-that-shows-off-how-we-can-afford-big-studio-spaces-and-locations. the company and the group would be loathe to admit it, but war of hormone is a well designed and interesting mv for the time it was made, with a well crafted gimmick and some actual showing of character from the members. it was the start of a potential that they squashed quite quickly because it wasn't picking up in the hiphop-group-saturated market of 2014. but the rest of their mvs? remarkably uninspired styling. like it's truly impressive how boring the styling is. and like i've said, that is the triumph in their aesthetics: they all look like normal dudes (if you had professional skin + makeup techs looking after them for the last 8 years).

all of this is a carefully crafted image that's tailored to hooking an audience, especially an international one. the mvs are boring in the relative scale of kpop, but they're just different enough from a western pop mv to catch attention. and once you do sink a hook, there's a direct clickfunnel of content that bills itself on these men being "authentic" and "self-producing," which is a huge draw to international fans, because people are racist and believe that the kpop industry is a factory that produces idols like clones, where none of them know how to do anything other than sing and dance and all the music is just handed to them by companies. and they have SO much content that there's no way a new fan can get to it all in a timely manner, so they'll never have to engage with any other kpop artists' work if they don't actively seek it out. but that's another essay for another time.

3.

that brings us to current day, in which at least the last five bts releases have been in the same aesthetic vein of positive, sanitized, and pristine. i said it in one of my txt responses and i will say it again here: money scrubs the humanity from the aesthetic of living. minimalism is for rich white people. hybe and bts may have pivoted their style and brand directly into the lane of mass appeal, but when you pair that with the amount of money funding them, there's a cognitive dissonance between the message and the aesthetics in which it's portrayed. some people do like the clean cut looks, and i won't say that they don't work, but as you've likely gleaned from this response, it isn't my style and if you've been around and reading my writing for longer you'll know that my tastes runs much closer to the messy and the weird, so very little about any of bts' visuals have appeal to me. i do find the contradiction of applying the appeal of radical relatability with the aesthetics of expansive (and expensive) minimalism interesting; it's an extremely fine line that hybe is walking and eventually they are going to tip over, the porcelain mask will not hold forever. maintaining the all ages aesthetic is going to be difficult now that all of them are grown ass men. with other groups of this member age and generation there's very obviously been a shift to a more adult tone, and not necessarily explicitly. got7, mx, nu'est, btob, shinee, 2pm, and groups that have older members like a.c.e and sf9 have all made slow shifts in tone that are undeniably aimed at a maturing audience: they know their core fanbases are aging with them and they (the fans) are not as interested in the 'boy' in boy group. and most of them have telltale visual styles, enough so that i can distinguish a specific group's mv. the last year and change of mx mvs have a very distinctive character; got7 too, since easily as far back as if you do. i can always tell an a.c.e mv by its impeccable fashion and formic styling, and although shinee has always had a more experimental aesthetic edge, their sound and voices are unmistakable.

honestly, i can't predict what bts is going to do in the future, but i personally don't believe they can keep up their clean aesthetic indefinitely without some fallout. part of the fun of following bands is watching them grow musically, and the last couple of years of bts haven't felt like growth. there are fans that have already started realizing it, and there's likely to be more soon.

---

the third part is here, which is a short followup about some of bts' industry influence.

[barbaramoorersm]

May 9, 2021

May 9, 2021

Sixth Sunday of Easter

Acts of the Apostles 10: 25-26, 34-35, 44-48

The Holy Spirit acting through Peter, expands the church community. 

Psalm 98

The Psalmist speaks of God’s saving power for all nations. 

1 John 4: 7-10

This letter declares that God is love.

John 15: 9-17

Jesus’ farewell address shares the commandment of love.

 As often as we read the Scriptures, we find that familiar words and phrases seem to take on new meanings.  For example, when we hear Peter say to the Gentile Cornelius, “In truth, I see that God shows no partiality”, we realize this 1st century phrase means as much today as it did then.  It was clear to Peter that the message of Jesus was appealing to “outsiders” and not just the chosen ones.  It was so clear to him that he, on the spot, baptized Cornelius and his whole Gentile family.  I wish the complete section of today’s reading was shared because it gives us a sense of the struggle Peter was facing.  Peter said to Cornelius upon entering his home, “You yourselves know that it is unlawful for a Jew to associate with or to visit a Gentile…”.  Peter then says that God has shown him a different path, a path of inclusion.  At times Peter wavered in this new found conviction, but before the end of the 1st century, acceptance of Gentiles became church policy.  That action called for a change in attitudes, an extension of hospitality and recognition that often God acts outside our created limits. The phrase, “In truth, I see that God shows no partiality” creates problems for some of us these days.  The Greek translation of the word means, “leanings”, or as another translation says, God is no “respecter of appearances”.

Throughout history we all have fallen short of that inclusive ideal.  19th and 20th century Asian, Italian, Irish and other immigrants can attest to that reality.  And certainly, our Black and Native American brothers and sisters can also speak to that same reality.  We know what historically this says about us, but what does the “no partiality” phrase say about God?  

In the longer version of this first reading Peter states that, “God has shown me that I should not call anyone profane or unclean”.  In other words, God has an open embrace for everyone.  Race, culture, gender, age and religion are some descriptors of people and are often very clear from their externals, but it is the deeper realities that seem to make a difference to God.  These qualities are care for others, integrity, honesty and concern for the common good.

Our Gospel specifically states what God values and requires of us.  “Love one another”. We understand that love is expressed in a variety of ways and has different Greek names.  Eros is romantic sexual love; philia is the love of friends; storge is family love and agape is an empathetic, universal love. Perhaps some of us have experienced all of them.  

In this Gospel I believe Jesus is referring to two types of love. Philia love appears when he says, “You are my friends…”. But when he asks us to “love one another” I believe he is referring to agape; a universal love.  And that may be why the command is so difficult.  It is difficult because there are people and actions we just do not like.  But this love is not so much a matter of feelings but a matter of action.  Agape is universal and compassionate.   This love requires us not to wish harm toward the other. I know this behavior is difficult for all of us. But it is the Divine One who makes the judgments.  Peter had to set his feelings, customs and judgements aside as he entered the home of Cornelius and embrace the universal love that God exhibits all the time.

This kind of love, agape, is critical especially in our current time and context. Diminishment of and lies about others have become common place.  And it seems to me that Jesus’ command is absolutely necessary for a nation, a government, the church and a community to be productive and caring.  This kind of love enables us to be open to others, see our own faults and work for the common good.

Imagine if Peter refused to go to Cornelius’ home, enter his house and believe his story of acceptance.  Might Jesus’ small but growing community remain closed to others and limited in its growth?  A 15th century spiritual writer understood Jesus’ command to love. Thomas a Kempis wrote, “God regards the greatness of the love that prompts a (person), rather than the greatness of (a person’s) achievement”.

 “In truth, I see that God shows no partiality”.

[sherlocktheicefairy]

I Cannot Remember When We First Met

I can’t remember... I contemplate my next word, when my lamp falls, it’s almost like the world is trying to tell me to be quiet. Trying to distract me from screaming my story into the abyss, a story that I have yearned to tell someone for years even though it still unfolds. That is the tragedy, I have these extraordinary people in my life that I trust beyond measure and no one knows this story, at least not all of it. Different parts are known to different people but only I have the full picture.But again the world distracts me, using my creative faculties against myself, the lengths this story will go to remain untold. I cannot remember when we first met. How unfortunate is that, such an anticlimactic way to start a story that is so rich in human emotion and fantastical in meaning, to me at least. But it’s true, I do not remember the first time we met. She claims it was in the library a few weeks after I started school. Apparently, she smiled brightly at me and I smiled shyly back whispering a vague hello. She almost certainly felt sorry for me, I had just moved across the world and my skin was still clearing up from the mess it had been from when I had lived in Australasia. But anyway that, according to her, is how we met, the ‘grand opening’ to this tale. All I remember is she was present in my life from very early on, never really talking but just nods of recognition as we walked to class. She had her locker very close to mine so perhaps she felt obligated to smile at me in order to avoid awkwardness when we were packing up to go home at the end of the day. A year passes and I’ve developed some social skills and had acquired a few friends. No longer was I the loner in the library but I had one great friend and a few humble acquaintances to which I didn’t mind spending some time with. We started to come close in year 9. It was a glorious British Saturday morning and my best friend had developed a pretty sincere crush on a girl who is friends with the subject matter at hand. His parents are very religious and so ban him from having a girlfriend until he is 16, so they develop an emotional relationship, which mostly unfolds over the phone. Anyway, our school used to hold an annual May Fair to raise money for whatever new building they had planned and we attended, me with my best friend and his crush with the subject of this long winded story, who happens to be her good friend. I am giving pause because I don’t know how to continue without naming her. I don’t wish to use her actual name but any vague descriptor seems both cringeworthy and shallow. The truth is, she means more to me than any word could ever possibly hope to encapsulate. I’ve decided to call her C, so dear reader meet my beloved C. Near the end of the May Fair, my best friend (K), his crush, C and I decide to go to the local park to hang out. I don’t remember much about what happened but it was good fun, we teased my friend and his crush for being hopelessly besotted with each other and got rather deep about our lives as 15 year olds tend to do. We did however play a game of ‘truth or dare’ in which I dared my best friend to kiss his crush, which was met with a rather disappointing result as he politely declined the dare. Later on confiding to me he didn’t want his first kiss with her to be because of a dare. The importance we placed on such small gestures was very cute but given the next part of the story, perhaps I’m being hypocritical. To get back at me, my friends crush dared me to kiss C. To which I did rather tenderly and judging from my experiences now, my memory recalls it not being a bad kiss, but I may be remembering through rose tinted lenses and must accept the fact that it could have been quite an awful one. Being 15 years old, having kissed her once, I decided I rather fancied C and spent the next year trying to pursue her, to no avail. After the infamous kiss, C and I started to text every night, I would stay up for hours with her having incredibly deep conversations. As we slowly got to know each other better, she let her guard down and it was revealed that she suffered from depression and harmed herself semi-regularly. I was her sole confidante, she had been refraining to tell her mother for fear of causing angst and reprising judgement, she couldn’t even bring herself to see a therapist as this was heavily stigmatised by her family. So I did my best, being the only support she had, we talked forever about her feelings and her self-harm. We started an exercise where she would try to make it a fortnight without cutting herself and every time she thought of it, she had to come to me to talk through her issues to see if this helped. I had tried this with another friend of mine with quite a lot of success, my main goal was to stop her hurting herself physically and it has been a long time (years) since she has harmed herself, to which I am immensely proud. We stayed up so late talking that the whole of year 9 and some of 10 were a complete blur, as corroborated by her. We were so sleep deprived that we could barely remember what we actually studied that year. I can definitely attest my prowess at needing little sleep to function to C and that year of extremely late nights. In hindsight, this was pretty damaging but completely worth it, if I was awake, it meant C wasn’t alone with her thoughts and therefore less likely to have a panic attack or hurt herself. A lot of pressure to put on a kid of 14, but I was determined to help her. This routine stayed the same with C for a while. Until our relationship turned into the friendship equivalency of a rollercoaster, being either inseparable or not talking at all. Whilst my memory can assign most of the blame to my emotional immaturity and a little bit of immaturity on her part (dare I say). We did have a mutual person in our life who was jealous of our relationship and did everything in her power to manipulate me in turning against her. Something to this day, I absolutely regret and wish I had not been so naive. The effects of the tumultuous nature of our relationship ricocheting through our friend groups and causing a fair amount of drama, much to the pleasure of our mutual friend, who I imagine took great pride in this destruction. In Year 10, we attended a Halloween party at this mutual ‘friends’ house. She dressed up as Hermione Granger, with a grey skirt, white shirt, red tie and wand. I remember seeing her get out of the Uber and just being taken aback, she blew Hermione out of the water, she was more intelligent, more sincere and more beautiful. This is saying something as I’ve read the Harry Potter series over 15 times and is my number 1 childhood series. I should have definitely tried to kiss her that night. One of my regrets in our relationship. That summer at the end of year 10, one I will never forget. Glorious weather, amazing friendships, freedom and the ability to obtain alcohol. We decided to have a gath at the infamous ODP in which about half our year attended. We ate Nando’s beforehand and made our way to the gath, laughing and joking as year 10s do about the previous school year and what lies ahead of us as future year 11s. C came an hour later with her friends and by this time some of us were a little tipsy, sharing mint liqueur, wine and a bottle of Malibu between us. Hours passed and a girl had to be picked up by her mother as she had an early curfew, I offered to walk her to the road as it was getting dark, about 10 minutes away. C came with and rather weirdly a big rugby boy tagged along too. About 200m further we hit a line of trees and C receives a call from her friend needing help so she has to turn back, the rugby guy offered to go back with her. I don’t know what it was but it all seemed rather ominous and I just felt off, like something terribly wrong was going to happen. C was adamant on going back and I remember pleading with my eyes for her to stay, she brushed me off and went back with the rugby boy in tow. I still hadn’t shaken this impending sense of tragedy and quickly dropped the girl off and ran back. I didn’t know why but I ran back, I just felt like I had no other choice, I saw two figures in the dark and called out to them asking who they were, it happened to be two strangers. I kept running for a few minutes and started to shout C’s name, desperate to find her. I hit the trees and called out again, she responded and I felt this wave of relief wash over me. I asked if she was ok and she responded that she was cold, the rugby boy was present but stayed absolutely silent. C quickly started to walk back and I marched after her asking what was wrong and trying to get her to wear my jacket, which she eventually did. I then reached out to touch her arm and she recoiled like I’d burned her from my touch, I never had seen such fear in someone’s eyes before, hollow, wild and confused. I can still picture them today and I’m shaking just recalling the haunting loneliness I saw in her beautiful blue eyes. C left rather quickly and the boys came back home with me, K kept running off and I rugby tackled him to the ground, not once but twice. We got on the right bus and finally made it home, hailing them upstairs to my bedroom so as not to encounter my parents while under the influence. We f*cked about for a couple hours and I received a snapchat from C asking if I was awake. I stayed up texting her until 7am the next morning when she finally fell asleep. She had just been sexually assaulted by the rugby boy, and I had left her with him. The guilt I felt stayed with me for a few years as me and C relived those moments over and over. I don’t feel guilty about it now, I couldn’t have known and had no reason to suspect. The most important lesson I took from this, I knew that something was wrong, I trusted my instincts, but should have gone even further to keep C by my side. I think that night, it was the night that the Moirai bound our life strings together. I remember my best friend (K), who I mentioned above in the May Fair drama, and my other best friend, H, and I all went on a trip to Wales for Duke of Edinburgh which also included K’s longtime crush (yes, the same one from the May Fair and the person determined to end me and C once and for all, we shall call her Y), H’s crush and C. On the last day of camping, we all were at the same campsite with no adult supervision and decided to relax in our tent. Naturally, K, Y, H and H’s crush got more intimate and proceeded to cuddle. C and I weren’t quite comfortable with this, as there were a lot of emotions that had yet to come out, despite both of us being deeply in love with each other at the time. Y manipulated this event and C’s unwillingness to be physically more intimate, taking me aside later that evening to tell me that C had fallen for my best friend, K, which cut me quite literally to the core. I did not speak to C for the rest of the year, and the year after that, making it near the end of year 11 when we next reconciled. Whilst obviously Y had seriously manipulated me and abused our friendship, as we had also been quite close, the fact I could remove C so completely from my life, like cutting off a functional limb, was frightening. I had a full year without C in my life. Whilst I was not alone and I was surrounded with friends, that year I felt empty. I remember talking to my parents and friends, they all recall that year, it was as if my personality had been reduced by 20%, usually loud, boisterous and passionate, my spark had left me. I was a hollowed out version of myself, pale and withdrawn from a lack of sleep and a lack of C. My grandfather died in January 2017, we were incredibly close and his reasonably sudden loss shook me, far more than I had anticipated. I remember lying in bed in my grandmothers house yearning for C, her voice, her presence, her touch. I received a message of condolence from her the next day and I think my blood pressure spiked to something extraordinary when I saw her name on the notification. For a slight second, I forgot about our falling out and we were together again. I was a proud bastard and replied with one word “thanks”... it took me an hour to compose that message, there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted her to know; however, pride runs strong in my blood and so I sent her a one word text instead of saying all the things I should have said. Eventually, life became too grey and melancholy without her. I sucked up my pride and told her that I had f*cked up in a more articulate and apologetic manner. She accepted my apology but said our relationship may never be the same. I had cut off ties one too many time and hurt her a lot. It was something I had to accept and begrudgingly moved on. We spent the summer physically apart, she was visiting family in Latin America and Europe whilst I worked in London... I don’t think I went two hours without texting her, with the exception of a couple of hours of sleep. Even still, a good chunk of the night was dedicated to being with her. It was a fantastic summer and I fell even harder in love with her, something to which I wasn’t aware was possible. We started off the sixth form inseparable. Both badly in love with each other but neither one daring to say that to the other for fear of breaking what we already had. I want to start the next part of the story but I have to save it for when I’m fresh and have truly thought about what I wanted to say. The next part of the story is one of my life’s special moments, something that will be fondly remembered for all eternity. In fact, I’m thinking of her now, a very specific part of her. She has this look, I’ve experienced it twice in my life, both times when we were dancing. This look pierces your thoughts, shattering them into a thousand pieces and so all you can do is smile. This look is so flirty, I can only compare it to the songs of the Sirens, which they say drove men so mad they would drown themselves swimming to the cliffs where they sang. I am convinced this flirtatious gaze is more powerful, it could convince me to do absolutely anything and I wouldn’t even question it. Her eyes sparkle and flash with the music, full of joy and wonderfully care free, all your worries just melt away and you’re enveloped with this chaotic energy of pure joy. All this from her gaze, one should consider themselves truly fortunate if they ever get to experience a moment as breathtaking as this. I am procrastinating starting the next part for fear of not being able to truly recapture the moment with my words. The dog is asleep on my lap, snoring a little bit. I feel almost nervous to recount a moment that means so much to me, in fact I wonder if it’s even worth telling my story, if it’ll make a difference. A little voice in my head says I have to finish it, so I choose to persevere. The first moment occurred on April 18 2018, the first year of sixth form. My parents and sister have gone for the week to Spain, leaving me home alone. I naturally acquire some booze and invite my best friends over to hang out. The tequila slammers went down well, all 6 of us nicely drunk and care free. A song called ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ by Shakira comes on and which blasts from the kitchen speakers making it very audible in the garden and she turns her head suddenly to me. She’s wearing a red tube top, blue jeans and is barefoot. She turns to me and stares with these piecing blue eyes, I’m convinced the power of this stare makes me take a step back, I’m almost too afraid to look away, but even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. She shakes her hips, a trait inherited from her Latin ancestors, and approaches me, not breaking her gaze. I grab her by the hips, not breaking eye contact and we dance. Not worried by the onslaught of school, social pressures or parental angst. The raw chemistry radiating from both our bodies as we dance, it makes me shiver to think about it even now. That was the first time I’ve felt invincible, with her, dancing under the setting English sun, my friends by my side. We talk about privilege a lot these days. With the BLM protests and rising awareness of inequality. It is all spectacularly true, shocking and ridiculously disappointing. In some ways, the most ‘privileged’ are in fact not the ones we should strive to resemble. I’m not sure they have ever truly lived in the moment like I have, with this woman I had and always will have, by my side, being completely care free, together, with no regard to life unfolding before our eyes. The feeling that you could have been offered unlimited wealth and turned it down as easily as you do to the people collecting for charity on the street. We stayed basically inseparable until May when it changed. We decided to go out alone together on a Friday. I chose my favourite tapas bar in Twickenham. We dropped our things off at her house and caught the bus and train there. I was wearing a blue polo shirt and suit pants and she was equally well dressed. We stayed for hours eating tapas at this restaurant, laughing and joking. She didn’t even get IDed and got through two cocktails, which looked utterly revolting. After, we walked for an hour stopping at this marvellous old house covered in ivy and dark blue/purple flowers which matched my shirt. We couldn’t resist but take some pictures, lovely keepsakes which I still reminisce about. Nothing happened on that date, I use that word with confidence as it definitely was one even if we didn’t know it at the time, but it didn’t need to, it was just a joyous evening to be with one another with no one else around, time which we had almost never had. I look back on that now and think how could I have done what I did next, having experienced that night. I met another girl the next day for a date, who became my girlfriend for a year. We distanced shortly after, C was jealous and I was tired of constantly being rejected. This was true, I had thrown myself at C’s feet regularly, getting wholeheartedly rejected every time. So going on that date right after that special night, I understand why now. I wanted to try move on, whilst we did have an incredibly special connection, she was driving me insane and I was longing for us to go further, which for various reasons that are quite understandable and I definitely respect, she could not bring herself to take those next steps with me. We rekindled our close connection after my girlfriend came and went. It was never quite the same but we were both happy to be present in each other’s lives once again. She had a boyfriend at this time but I wasn’t ready to try again with her, so it suited me just fine, even if there was a twinge of jealousy whenever she brought him up. We supported each other through A-Levels and had another great summer together. We were expecting to go to university together but this changed at the last moment, I had changed my mind about what I wanted to study and also missed out a grade due to illness during the exam. I needed a break from English society, a toll which had been taken quite silently until a sudden realisation late that summer. So I decided to move across the pond and start up university there. Leaving her was emotional, for the both of us but we both knew it needed to happen, we did have exciting lives outside of each other, which seems ridiculous because even though she is one of the most important people to me, there are huge swathes of my life that she isn’t a part of, not yet at least. We started texting the other day, it is the exact same as it always is, no matter how long it has been since we last spoke, I can pick up the phone and we resume the story of our lives as if no time has passed at all. What is even crazier is that this is only the first chapter of our lives together and there is so much more to come. The select events I’ve spoken about, they represent a tiny fraction of our relationship and I’ve left out some incredible moments as well as some darker ones. Like the time I broke down in the car on the way to school in front of my mom, the time I professed my love for her, the time when we just sat in silence enjoying each other’s presence or the countless times I’ve come to her as she’s struggled with her own mind.

[sherryfundin]

Looking For Some Serial Killers? Check out Carolyn Arnold @Carolyn_Arnold @GoddessFish

BRANDON FISHER FBI SERIES by Carolyn Arnold

GENRE: Police Procedural/Mystery

Meet today’s guest, Carolyn Arnold.

She is an international bestselling and award-winning author, as well as a speaker, teacher, and inspirational mentor. She has four continuing fiction series and has written nearly thirty books. Both her female detective and FBI profiler series have been praised by those in law enforcement as being accurate and entertaining, leading her to adopt the trademark, POLICE PROCEDURALS RESPECTED BY LAW ENFORCEMENT™.

Today, she answers a few questions for us and gives us insight into her life and journey as a mystery author.

Have you ever been on a manhunt or at the scene where a dead body was found?

I took part in my local police department’s Citizen’s Academy. As part of this, I received an inside look at seventeen divisions over a ten-week period. As an added benefit, each student was afforded a ride-along. And mine… Well, I went on the perfect one for a crime writer.

My ride-along actually started out with a manhunt. I experienced the excitement of wanting to find the guy and found myself scrutinizing every male I spotted in the area just to make sure he wasn’t the one we were after. Unfortunately, the search moved to the downtown area from the eastern end of the city where the hunt had begun, and the sergeant signed off the investigation. By the end of my ride-along, about five hours later, the man still hadn’t been found.

After the sergeant left the investigation, he turned to me as he was driving and asked if I had ever seen a dead body. I told him I had at memorials and funerals and then asked why. I soon found out that our next stop involved one.

I figured I’d catch a glimpse of the deceased under a tarp or being wheeled away, but I got far more than that. I received a front-row seat to a death investigation. For hours, the sergeant and I were mere feet away from the body. I witnessed firsthand how it changed color over time, but I also found that I went into detective-mode. The forensic identification unit—essentially CSIs—was called in and arrived with collection kits. The team members gloved up, snapped photographs, took fingerprints from the deceased, and more.

The entire time that I was on scene, I noticed myself going into a detached state—the result of adrenaline. Later that evening, it began to sink in that I had spent hours with a dead body, and I was nauseated. As more time passed, I became weepy as it sank in that the deceased had been a husband, a father, a lover, a friend…a person. That night I dreamed about the man. It wasn’t a nightmare, but I was an officer trying to figure out what had happened to him.

I couldn’t imagine returning to the field the next day and having a similar experience or witnessing something even worse, like a violent murder scene or that of a fatal car accident.

What do members of law enforcement say about your books?

Many testimonials attest that I am pleasing readers in law enforcement. They love that my mysteries are accurate in that regard, and they view that alone as a sign of my respect for them.

Here are a few testimonials that I have received on Eleven (Brandon Fisher FBI series):

“I spent thirty-eight years with a major police department in Missouri, fifteen of which were in the homicide section. I also had numerous dealings with the FBI throughout my career, mostly bank robbery, interstate shipment thefts, and a few kidnappings. Eleven kept my interest piqued throughout… Loved it.”

–Richard Bartram, Sergeant (retired), St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department, St. Louis, MO

“I am a forty-year veteran of police work. All local, no Fed. Eleven was a great read. All the descriptors and nomenclature were spot on.”

–Joe Danna, Police Officer, Katy Independent School District Police Department, Katy, TX

“Very good! I worked as a police officer for eleven years and with the Federal Bureau of Prisons for twenty-two. I have also dealt with the FBI.”

–Richard Smith, Facilities Development Manager (retired), Federal Bureau of Prisons, Central Office, Washington, DC

“A great police procedural! … Full of twists and turns. The characters are well-developed and a mix of interesting personalities. … Holds your interest to the end!”

–Mark Davis, FBI Special Agent (retired), Washington, DC

What did you do before you became a bestselling author?

For a living, I worked in accounts receivable for a few different companies collecting from businesses. Yet, despite working full time, in 2006 I was reunited with writing. I wrote every chance I got—before work, on lunch breaks, after work, on the weekends. I became so focused on writing and the publishing world that hardly a day went by without them being a part of my life, and since the summer of 2014, I’ve been a full-time author.

How do you know so much about what criminals think?

I can’t answer that without incriminating myself… Just kidding.

Everyone has what we call a “dark side.” In writing these books, I suppose you could say I tap into this side of my psyche. Whatever I can scheme up is possible, and I write that which scares and excites me.

When did you know that you had hit the big time with your books?

When I got to say good-bye to my day job! Even before I fully resigned, I had cut back a five-day a week job to four days, then to three. It got to the point, though, that I loathed going in for that many days, and I knew it was time to make the move and become a full-time author. That was in the summer of 2014. Since then, I incorporated my own publishing company in the summer of 2015, and, at the start of 2016, my husband joined me there full time.

MY REVIEW FOR SILENT GRAVES

We have all different sides to our personalities, both good and bad. What happens when the bad takes control? We will be finding out here.

Women are missing…and one of the women is rising from the dead, from their grave, where her murderer had thought she would remain hidden..so says the villain, who is missing one.

Brandon and the rest of the gang are called in to help. Brandon is still trying to fit in, but he walks a fine line with Paige. You always have, at least, one know it all want to be ther hero cop. And Stenson was it. He’s a Dumfree’s police officer but he wants to be so much more.

There are more killers than they thought and many more bodies that will be exposed.

Brandon and Paige…well, we will see what happens…Can they move on from each other? Can they work together, whether or not they stay romantically involved?

We have plenty of suspense and need Carolyn Arnold to take us through the investigation, questioning here and there, each person having their part to do, while dealing with every day life, tiredness and egos. She is a pro at keeping the mystery alive and making me follow along to learn she wraps up the case.

I voluntarily reviewed a free copy of Silent Graves by Carolyn Arnold.

4 Stars

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY AND READ THE REVIEW & INTERVIEW HERE

MY REVIEWS FOR CAROLYN ARNOLD

Remnants

In The Line Of Duty

Halloween Is Murder

Power Struggle

City of Gold

The Secret of the Last Pharaoh

Eleven

On The Count of Three

Shades of Justice

You can see my Giveaways HERE.

You can see my Reviews HERE.

If you like what you see, why don’t you follow me?

Leave your link in the comments and I will drop by to see what’s shakin’.

I am an Amazon affiliate/product images are linked.

Thanks for visiting!

[bloojayoolie]

Being Alone, Andrew Bogut, and Cats: House-Trained Walks Well on Leash * Well-Behaved Knows her Commands Likes to Play with Balls and Stuffies FRIENDLY AFFECTIONATE & PLAYFU SOCA A Happy Little Girl #31936 . Spayed . 8 years young and a Tiny 42 lbs Waiting for a forever love @Brooklyn ace TO BE KILLED 6/25/2018 SOCA <3 – a happy little girl! Her person is moving away and has dumped SWEET FUN PLAYFUL Soca at the shelter! She is A GOOD GIRL, as the volunteer attests in her video. House-trained and well-behaved, Soca walks well on leash. She is friendly and playful and will work hard for treats. She likes to play with balls and stuffed toys. Soca even know how to sit, lay down, give paw and come when called. THIS IS A GOOD GIRL who has seen brighter days. She has given appropriate warning at the shelter when she is uncomfortable. She is experiencing a lot of new things and this is scary and new. So please please consider opening your home and your heart to this happy little sheppie mix and #SAVESOCA now! VIDEO https://youtu.be/b6ud89YjF1o Soca #31936 Spayed female tan dog @ Brooklyn Animal Care Center About 8 years old Weight 42.8 lbs Owner surrender on 21-Jun-2018, with the surrender reason stated as person circumstance- moving - out of country. Sorry, this pet is for new hope partners only. Soca was placed at risk due to behavioral concerns; Due to the warning and distance-increasing behaviors shown in the care center, as well as Soca's concerning resource guarding issues, we recommend placement with a New Hope partner who can provide force free behavior modification to address her guarding. there are no medical concerns with Soca at this moment. My medical notes are... Weight: 42.8 lbs Vet Notes 23/06/2018 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 8 years Microchip noted on Intake? No Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : Owner surrender Subjective: BARH. No csvd Observed Behavior - Very nervous, bared teeth during exam (but did not bite); muzzled- allowed for full exam Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: mild tartar PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: spayed female, no discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, no masses noted, diffuse mild to moderate lichenification, seborrhea and alopecia noted along hind limbs, ventrum and along both sides CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: normal externally Assessment 1) Pyoderma- r/o most likely allergies vs parasitic vs less likely immune-mediated v neoplasia Prognosis: good Plan: Start Simplicef 10 mg/kg PO SID x 7 days, then recheck Recommend Dermatology/allergy workup Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 3. Yellow Behavior History Behavior Assessment During intake Soca allowed the counselor tho collar her and take her picture with no problems. Spay/Neuter Status: Spayed Basic Information:: Soca is an 8 year old tan and black spayed dog that was surrendered by her owner due to the fact he is moving out of the country and can not take her with him. The owner stated that he got Soca from a friend 4 years ago. Previously lived with:: Owner How is this dog around strangers?: Owner stated that when around strangers Soca is friendly and outgoing. When playing with adults she is exuberant. How is this dog around children?: Soca has not spent time in the home with children so it is unknown how she will react. How is this dog around other dogs?: Soca has not spent time in the home with other dog so it is unknown how she will react. How is this dog around cats?: Soca has not spent time in the home with cats so it is unknown how she will react. Resource guarding:: Soca isn't bothered if someone was to touch her food treats or toys. If someone unfamiliar approaches her house or family member she also isn't bothered. Bite history:: Soca has no bite history Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: High Other Notes:: Owner stated that overall Soca behaves well. During loud noises and fireworks she get nervous. Soca is friendly is someone touches her food, pushed her off the furniture disturb her while she sleeps or when she is restrained. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: No Medical Notes: No reported medical concerns. For a New Family to Know: Owner described Soca as friendly affectionate and playful. When at home she will follow her owner around. She likes to play with balls and stuffed toys. Soca has been kept mostly indoors and eats dry dog food. When using the bathroom she will go outside on the grass or cement. When left alone in the home Soca is well behaved. She has never been put in a crate or left alone in the yard so it is unknown how she will react. Soca know how to sit, lay down, give paw and come when called. Soca is used to brisk walks on the leash. When off the leash she will wander but comes back when called. Date of intake:: 6/21/2018 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender(4 years in the home) Previously lived with:: 1 Adult Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Behavior toward children:: Unknown Behavior toward dogs:: Unknown Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: None reported Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: The owner describes Soca as friendly, affectionate and playful with a high activity level. Date of assessment:: 6/23/2018 Look:: 2. Dog's eyes are averted, body posture is stiff and fearful, tail is low and not moving. Dog allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity:: 2. Dog stands still and accepts the touch, eyes are averted, tail is between legs, body stiff, mouth closed, lip long, ears likely back, may lip lick. Tag:: 2. Dog is not fearful, but is unresponsive when touched. Approaches the Assessor when the game ends (may need coaxing to approach). Dog is focused on stimuli other than the Assessor. Paw squeeze 1:: 3. Dog closes mouth, becomes stiff. Flank squeeze 1:: 3. Dog closes mouth, begins to purse lips and becomes stiff. Flank squeeze 2:: 3. Dog closes mouth, begins to purse lips and becomes stiff. Toy:: 5. Dog snaps or bites the Assess-a-Hand. Summary:: Soca came into the assessment room calm and quiet, she was a bit social but fearful of her surroundings. She displayed concern when approached while engaged with her toy item, growling, baring teeth, stiff body posture when removing the item. Summary (1):: According to Soca's previous owner, Soca did not socialized with other dogs while in their care. 6/22: When off leash at the Care Center, Soca is nervous and avoids the other dog. She quickly moves past him when the gate is opened and investigates the area. She flinches then tenses her body when the greeter rushes towards her for a muzzle greet. 6/23: Soca is paired with a softer calmer male. She displays a tall posture and vertical tail at gate but does not socialize with him when the gate is open. She briefly sniffs him then explores the yard. When the session ends and the gate is closed, Soca returns to greets the novel male dog, displaying the same heighten posture. Date of intake:: 6/21/2018 Summary:: Allowed all handling during intake. Date of initial:: 6/23/2018 Summary:: Very nervous, bared teeth during exam. ENERGY LEVEL:: Soca displays a medium activity level in the care center. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children: Due to how uncomfortable Soca is currently with touch, novel stimuli and resource guarding in the care center, we feel that an adult-only home would be most beneficial at this time. New hope partner: Due to the warning and distance-increasing behaviors shown in the care center, as well as Soca's concerning resource guarding issues, we recommend placement with a New Hope partner who can provide force free behavior modification to address her guarding. Potential challenges: : Resource guarding,Fearful Potential challenges comments:: Resource Guarding: In the care center, Soca has been observed to bare teeth and growl when she is approached while engaged with a toy item. It is important to leave Soca alone while she is playing and never to take anything directly from her mouth. When she is asked to drop something she should be traded for an item of equal or higher value, in order to reward Soca for relinquishing the item she has. Fearful: The behavior department recommends allowing Soca to approach her potential new adopters at her own pace. Force-free, reward based training is advised when introducing/exposing Soca to new and unfamiliar situations. * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * If you would like to adopt a dog on our “To Be Killed” list, and you CAN get to the shelter in person to complete the adoption process *within 48 hours of reserve*, you can reserve the dog online until noon on the day they are scheduled to die. We have provided the Brooklyn, Staten Island and Manhattan information below. Adoption hours at these facilities is Noon – 8:00 p.m. (6:30 on weekends) HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction Animal Care Centers of NYC (ACC)nycacc.org HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications. Shelter contact information Phone number (212) 788-4000 Email adoption@nycacc.org Shelter Addresses: Brooklyn Shelter: 2336 Linden Boulevard Brooklyn, NY 11208 Manhattan Shelter: 326 East 110 St. New York, NY 10029 Staten Island Shelter: 3139 Veterans Road West Staten Island, NY 10309

[theexcogitativelibrarium]

Woke Wednesday: What’s a Word to You?

I’ve seen a lot of posts where Black K-Pop fans are asked to explain why there is so much controversy over non-Blacks saying “nigga” especially in the Hip Hop/K-Hip Hop world. And it can be quite discouraging to be told that this “isn’t a big deal”, “they don’t understand” or “it’s not our job to educate them.” In a sense it isn’t our job to educate them. They should research these things for themselves but if WE don’t put it out there what is there for them to research? And how can they truly try to understand how we feel unless we tell them? So this Black K-Pop fan is going to give them, idols and fans alike, some research material. So sit back and enjoy an etymology, anthropology and historiology lesson by Professor Aqua on the last Woke Wednesday of Black History Month.

If you took Beginner Spanish you know that in “negro” means “black” in Spanish. Many people deem this to be the origin of the words “nigger” (Not to be confused with “niggard” or niggardly” which comes from Middle English meaning : a meanly covetous and stingy person”.) gets its roots. This could very well be where this word comes from. Or even the Latin “niger” which seems more likely. But how did this word gets its label as an “ethnic slur”?

Well…

“The Oxford English Dictionary traces the first English use to 1577, "the Nigers of Aethiop", translated from the Spanish los negros in Ethiopia. Other early spellings attested include "nigor" and "Nigre"; the first spelling of "nigger" is in 1608. The OED offers as its first definition "Used by people who are not black as a relatively neutral (or occasionally positive) term, with no specifically hostile intent" and notes that early citations "expressing patronizing views, reflect underlying attitudes rather than a hostile use of the word itself". The second meaning, of "a hostile term of abuse or contempt" from whites to blacks is first attested in print in 1775. Its use by black people both "as a neutral or favourable term" and "as a depreciatory term" go back to 1831 and 1834 respectively.”

(Hmmmmm “[t]he second meaning…” was added in 1775. What an interesting year……)

“In the colonial America of 1619, John Rolfe used negars in describing the African slaves shipped to the Virginia colony. Later American English spellings, neger and neggar, prevailed in a northern colony, New York under the Dutch, and in metropolitan Philadelphia's Moravian and Pennsylvania Dutch communities; the African Burial Ground in New York City originally was known by the Dutch name Begraafplaats van de Neger (Cemetery of the Negro); an early occurrence of neger in Rhode Island dates from 1625. Lexicographer Noah Webster, whose eponymous dictionary did much to solidify the distinctive spelling of American English, suggested the neger spelling in place of negro in 1806. The dialect spoken in the Southern United States changes the pronunciation of negro to nigra.”

“The term "colored" became a respectful alternative. In 1851 the Boston Vigilance Committee, an Abolitionist organization, posted warnings to the Colored People of Boston and vicinity. Writing in 1904, journalist Clifton Johnson documented the "opprobrious" character of the word nigger, emphasizing that it was chosen in the South precisely because it was more offensive than "colored."”

And for those who said that it’s original definition was “an ignorant person,” my good friend Merriam-Webster can clear that up for you.

“There is a widespread belief that the original meaning of nigger, as defined in dictionaries, was "an ignorant person," and a related belief that current dictionary definitions describing its use as a hateful, racist epithet are a recent change. We do not know the source of those beliefs, but they are not accurate. The word was first included in a Merriam-Webster dictionary in 1864, at which time it was defined as a synonym of Negro, with a note indicating that it was used "in derision or depreciation." There has never been a definition like "an ignorant person" for this word in any subsequent dictionary published by this company. Nor do we know of such a definition in any earlier dictionary.”

Yeah, no such luck, sorry.

And what about the argument of “Well Black people say it. Why can’t I.” See, that’s still up for debate within the Black community. There are those who believe that any form of the word whether spelled “-er” or “-a” should not be used as it disparages the race. Which is where you get the school of thought that no one should use the word and usage especially by those of non-Black origins should be deemed as it has been historically, as an ethnic slur. The other school of thought believes that by changing the “-er” to an “-a” and using it as a “term of endearment” within the race that we are “reclaiming” the word from its prior perjetory meaning.

In speaking of that last line of reasoning, there is also a slightly more twisted theory of the origins of “nigger” that make the Black struggle to “reclaim” the word as “nigga” more powerful. “Negus” is “used as a title of the sovereign of Ethiopia.” The Emperor of Ethiopia is called “Negusa Nagast” which means “King of Kings” while one Empress has was known as “Nigiste Nigist” which means “Queen of Kings”.

“A Negus (Ge'ez: ንጉሥ nəgus, "king") was a hereditary ruler of one of Ethiopia's larger provinces, over whom collectively the monarch ruled, thus justifying his imperial title. The title of Negus was awarded at the discretion of the Emperor to those who ruled important provinces, although it was often used hereditarily during and after the Zemene Mesafint.”

And how is this word pronounced? Using the International Phonetic Alphabet (My classical vocal performance major is showing. Diction 101) it is pronounced [ni-ˈgüs] and for the layman [nee-goo-hsh]. If this is true then the push to reclaim the word is indeed warranted. To turn a word that in its native tongue is a title of royalty and exalts its bearer into a derogatory, racial slur to demean a group of people is sick.

But back to “reclaiming” the it as a “term of endearment,” when hearing young Blacks say “my nigga” in media platforms whether it be film, music, etc. the phrase puts one in the mind that the meaning is “my friend” or another AAVE “my homie”. This was such the case last year when GOT7’s BamBam got in trouble for saying “my nigga” on Snapchat in calling another member. His response was that he was told that the phrase meant “my friend” and he did offer an unofficial apology. It’s sad that he was misinformed. And what was the knee-jerk reaction of fans of color? “Did he just……..?” Now those that were sending him death threats and telling him to kill himself went too far but why did a “slip up” cause such an international reaction?

When “nigga” is used by a non-Black person the Black hearer is not hearing the word as simply “a word”, the speaker’s mindset and intention are questioned. Since this discussion is focused on K-Pop idols, what is being questioned is “How does this idol feel about Black people?” That is what is always at the heart of the reaction from Blacks when non-Blacks say “nigga”. Thus what is truly in question is “How do you feel about me?” And if some of the videos posted from last week ( Sam Okyere  + Asian Boss Video) are any indication there is  prejudice and discrimination towards Black people in Korea. Is it just the otherness or is there a deeper reason?

“We live today with the legacy of the European colonization of almost all of Africa, the Americas, and much of Asia that took place between the late 1400s and the early 1900s. Just a century ago, some 84% of the world's territory was under some form of colonial domination.”

“Colonialism has taken many forms, and has been described in numerous ways. The Oxford English Dictionary defines a colony as "[a] settlement in a new country; a body of people who settle in a new locality, forming a community subject to or connected with their parent state."”

“As European colonialism extended into Africa, Asia, and the Americas, "race" emerged as a shifting political and social construct that incorporated the notion of more and less civilized peoples and provided markers of the "difference" relied upon by colonizing powers to justify their ventures." Race had the added benefit, from the colonizers' perspective, of being considered a "scientific" descriptor of physical characteristics, serving to perpetuate the "dynamic of difference" by linking cultural traits-real or imagined-to relatively immutable biological factors."”

Yes, I tooting that horn. It goes back to colonialism but there were some colorist beliefs before these areas were colonized.

“Critics of this mental colonization don't always acknowledge in the same breath that many North African and Asian cultures had placed a premium on light skin PRIOR to European exposure. Indian folk songs praised the beautiful woman who has "the color of butter" (Indian butter is white, not yellow). Pre-colonial Indonesian women used plant-based skin treatments to make their complexion pale.”

But that doesn’t negate the effect colonialism had on these areas.

“However, the fact that pre-colonial colorism exists does NOT absolve Europeans of their responsibility for indoctrinating non-European populations with harmful racial ideologies. Pre-colonial colorism in many cultures is fundamentally different from modern Western racism; the vocabulary and assumptions used in the discussion of modern racism are not necessarily helpful or relevant in understanding pre-European-contact attitudes towards complexion.”

“Pre-European-contact colorism occurs in the context of members of the same "race" (quotes being used because "race" is a modern Western concept we are applying anachronistically). Wealthy people did not have to work in the sun, and thus were lighter-complexioned than poor workers and peasants. Light skin became a symbol of wealth and class. Fatness, another physical characteristic associated with a lifestyle of prestige and plenty, was also deemed attractive. ”

“When Europeans started exporting their ideas of the white European master race to colonized lands, the toxic reaction between old lifestyle-based colorism and new Western racism produced a harmful new compound which associated European features with power, wealth and beauty.”

“Firstly, the fact that other indigenous preferences that accompanied traditional colorism - such as the preference for fatness, black hair, black eyes and round flat faces - have declined demonstrates that the new Eurocentric standards of beauty are based on assumptions different from those of traditional colorism.”

“Secondly, the modern concept of 'race' itself is a Western import. This new racial 'colorism' is no longer framed in the old context of "lifestyle/social circumstance determines appearance", i.e. "if you are wealthy, you will have certain physical characteristics as a result of your lifestyle". Post-colonial racism is in fact based on the opposite concept: that one's genotype, and by extension, its phenotypic expression, determines one's circumstance in life, i.e. "if you are white, you will have certain privileges as a result of your biological heritage". This idea of "biology=destiny" is what undergirds modern Western racism.”

“Some non-black people of color even speak of their "instinctive" fear of black people. Even without interacting with black people, some brown and yellow individuals have unthinkingly internalized European colonialist attitudes of a racial hierarchy with white at the top and black at the bottom.” (**this is a direct quote from the article. None of the language here is intended to be offensive in regards to description of skin tones. Thank you for your understanding.)

“In other cases, some Asians who assume that individual blacks are poor or uneducated may be possibly acting on traditional colorism. These Asians make the same assumptions about darker persons of their own 'race'.”

“Ok, but we’re in a post-colonial society now, this has nothing to do with your topic.” Oh really? I wonder what Post-Colonial Theorist have to say about that...

“Postcolonial scholars have sought to understand the effects centuries of colonial rule and exploitation have had on colonial subjects and their cultures, ultimately for the purpose of combating the harmful consequences of colonial oppression that have been carried over into the new, postcolonial environment.”

“Like critical race scholars, postcolonial theorists contend that oppression and racism are reproduced by social structures and cultural meanings that are bigger than any one individual and outlast any one historical period. Postcolonial theorists study institutions and archives, as well as literary texts and films, to understand how these structures and meanings are produced in everyday life, and how they often shape powerful countries’ views...”

Oh so these views carry over.... But what does that have to do with them “a word”? As I said before, it’s the mindset and intention behind the word. Looking at these “assumptions” that are still made about Blacks in that Asian Boss video is what gives one pause when an idol says “nigga”. These are mindsets that are ingrained from years and years of internalizing the views stated above. When you have members laughing and joking about another member OF THEIR OWN RACE being dark how else are we supposed to feel and what else are we supposed to think when “nigga” comes out of your mouth?

Pisces: If I may interject for just a moment Aqua, because as you said, we are talking about K-Pop artists and the K-Pop world....you will also see fans making the valid statement that K-Pop is entertainment created by Korean artists for a Korean artist. And while that is certainly true all of the research discussed here still applies. It is not so much international Black K-Pop fans interjecting their perspectives about how societies should run elsewhere and view Black people. We have highlighted time and again in our Tunesday posts how often we are seeing South Korean artists and other members of the South East and East Asian community reaching out to international Black artists for artistic input and perspective. Are we still not allowed to comment? Are we really supposed to believe that you can vicariously experience Black Pop culture and benefit from its influence simply because it is on YouTube or other social media but you don’t have to be responsible for inappropriate/misinformed comments or even have any knowledge of the plethora of information Admin Aqua has eloquently discussed above? To me that is very lazy. And maybe we are all lazy. We can’t possibly accept the notion of interacting on such a superficial level and not question the deeper impact of our global conversation (otherwise we’ll all be out here looking like Timbaland and Eric Nam at MAMAs last year where we’re making music side by side but nothing real is connecting.) We would all do well to remember that many of the styles present in K-Pop were influenced by Black Pop culture happening in America around the same time and a little bit after the eras had passed. We have talked about that in the past and I remember that discussion being had on EXO 90:2014 between EXO and their sunbaenims. If they could acknowledge it....then what’s up with everyone else? Do you really truly mean to tell us that we should just be there for the music only and not the deeper cultural, historical conversation that needs to be had to have respect and true understanding of both sides of this cultural exchange...? It’s not enough to say that “oh we all have our own awful jokes about each other...lay off...” It’s not enough to think “well if it works for them and it’s cool for them then I can <insert whatever stereotypical Black phrase, dance move, style, etc etc so on until infinity that you feel is appropriate to try here>” That’s irresponsible and lazy for you to participate in a culture you don’t give a damn enough about to learn about. We need to move forward and speak to each other about the facts. Please take us to the next stage of this important discussion Aqua. 

Aqua: So true Pisces. But guys, note that I mentioned discrimination and prejudice. I didn’t immediately call them racist for using the word. Yes, I did say that there are colorist views that have been ingrained within their culture from past economic stereotypes. Colorism and racism are not interchangeable. Colorism is “[p]rejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.” Racism is “1 Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior. 1.1 The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics, abilities, or qualities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.” and “1:  a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. 2a:  a doctrine or political program based on the assumption of racism and designed to execute its principles. 2b:  a political or social system founded on racism. 3:  racial prejudice or discrimination.” As I stated previously, there have been instances in various K-Pop groups of members making jokes about another member’s skin tone, that is colorism. You can be colorist and not racist. It’s possible. Can you be racist and not colorist? Maybe. You definitely can be both though. But what does all of this have to do with K-Pop artist saying “nigga”?

As Black K-Pop fans we listen to this music because we like it and enjoy these idols then see all these incidents, hear them make colorist statements and jokes about each other, see other problematic behavior, hear someone say “nigga” and your heart drops. Why? Because you feel unwelcomed. Why? Because this seems to be another space where who I am  is only something to use for entertainment. The product of your Blackness is celebrated and emulated but your Blackness in and of itself is deemed less than desirable. That is the message that is sent. So, yes, it is insensitive to say “nigga” as a non-Black person. And as K-Pop artist is this really the message you want to send to your fans?

**Quotes are linked from the source