#but my brain has decided that initiating irl confrontation is the most daunting thing imaginable
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i used to be extremely sensitive to anything and even a slight consequence would push me to fix the issue but now not even the worst things happening will get me to do anything about it
#this problem is supposed to be for those dumb lazy people that i could never become#what happened#where is my extreme rage i miss that guy#not like anger#my rage would actually cause me to do stuff and be able to think#it was basically my personality#all i have left in terms of feeling is any of the following#distracted by youtube video aka numb or extremely fleeting dopamine#despondence but cant cry because of course why would my body actually let me feel what i want to#and talking to fp which is the best one out of the current three#but nothing can replace being good at something#real autism#its not that i dont enjoy talking to him#its just like my brain cant create enough serotonin from human interaction#even when it is literally fp#im sure if we actually interacted one on one irl it wouldnt be like this#but my brain has decided that initiating irl confrontation is the most daunting thing imaginable#even when its as straightforward as making a plan to hang out with someone irl#i hate how the one thing i dont want to be anxious about is also the only thing i am anxious about#i dont know if such a brutally fucked prefrontal cortex can ever be fixed#but im also incapable of not waiting for a solution#even if all that comes out of it is being let down
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