#but most of it still kinda sucks and is more devoted to saying how powerful and edgy the hero is rather than actually having them be heroes

[sepal-sea]

I just caught up on the new eps of maws and WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME THEY ADAPTED THE GAY FRENCH APE AND HIS GAY FRENCH DISEMBODIED BRAIN LOVER

I do think this is peak representation in fact every bizarre bit of (usually somewhat problematic) rep that doom patrol comics ever put out is peak representation let us not forget coagula the lesbian trans programmer/prostitute who got her powers by having sex with the weirdest most questionable intersex space entity in the midst of a mental crisis ever what an icon.

but in all seriousness I actually really enjoy how obvious it is that the ppl making maws actually care about comics and stuff, and how much they embrace the fun and wholesome and campy parts of dc. like who else would have the courage to adapt the brain and monsieur mallah like this? NOBODY is who

anyways this is all to say get fucked boring grimdark power fantasy dccu

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝐀-𝐙 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 𝐌.𝐀

⤷ Credits: Pinterest

Marcus Acacius x F!reader | WC : 3k | Proof read : KINDA | Navigation | Notifications | asks : OPEN

Summary: Every letter of the alphabet with little nsfw thoughts or drabbles about our favorite Roman general

Warnings: NSFW TOPICS OF SEX AND KINKS ASWELL AS DESCRIPTIONS OF SAID ACTS

A/n: this is my first time doing something like this so yeah be kind and enjoy

A = Aftercare 

After more rough sex, Marcus becomes the epitome of tender care and devotion. His strong arms wrap around you, pulling you close, refusing to let you go. The contrast between the rough passion moments before and his now incredibly gentle touch is almost surreal. He'd call for a maid to draw a warm bath, and with the utmost care, he’d carry you to it, his muscles flexing effortlessly as he lifts you. As the warm water envelops your body, he’d join you, his lips tracing a path of tender kisses all over your skin, a soothing balm to any lingering soreness. He’d wash your hair, his fingers massaging your scalp, whispering sweet nothings and praises. If the encounter had been quick and urgent, he’d still hold you tight afterward, savoring every second until the very last moment, reluctant to break the intimate connection. He’d stroke your hair, his breath warm against your ear, murmuring, “You were amazing, my love,” as he cradles you in his arms.

B = Body part 

Your favorite part of Marcus’s body is his back, broad and strong, a testament to his domineering presence. The way it flexes and moves is mesmerizing, a silent promise of his power and control. Every muscle ripples under your touch, a tangible reminder of his strength. Marcus, on the other hand, loves every inch of you, but he has a particular fixation on your breasts. The sight of your nipples hardening through your thin tunic in a chilly room drives him wild. His large hands can’t resist kneading your soft flesh, his fingers deft and knowing. He’d say, “I can’t get enough of you,” as his mouth follows suit, peppering kisses all over your chest. His lips are warm and demanding, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He’d groan against your skin, “You taste like heaven,” as he takes one nipple into his mouth, sucking gently before biting just hard enough to make you gasp.

C = Cum 

 MARCUS HAS A BREEDING KINK OK IM SORRY BUT, every time he reaches his peak. He wants nothing more than to fill you completely, to mark you as his in the most primal way. When he's close, a low growl rumbles from his chest, and his hands become possessive, grabbing onto your hair, your arms, your head, your body—anything to ensure you stay in place. He’s driven by the need to make sure every drop of his cum stays inside you, a visceral claim that sends shivers down your spine. His intensity in these moments is overwhelming, leaving you breathless and utterly fulfilled. He’d whisper in your ear, “You’re mine, all mine,” as he holds you tight, his seed filling you to the brim. He’d watch with dark satisfaction as your body responds to his, feeling you tremble and clench around him, a perfect fit.

D = Dirty secret 

 he masturbates before battles to relieve the stress. The weight of command and the anticipation of combat leave him tense, and he finds release in the privacy of his tent, his fist providing the perfect outlet for his pent-up frustrations. He’d fantasize about you, the way you look, the sounds you make, driving him to the edge and beyond. The image of your body writhing in pleasure on his cock would push him over, making him ready to face the battlefield with a clear mind and a calm heart.

E = Experience 

 Marcus is confident and experienced, having been sexually active ever since he joined the empire’s army. He needed a way to de-stress, and seeing and feeling a girl lose control on his dick was the perfect way. He knows exactly how to make a woman scream his name, how to draw out her pleasure until she’s begging for release. He’d smirk down at you, his eyes dark with lust, saying, “You’re going to come for me, aren’t you?” before thrusting deeper, hitting just the right spot. His experience makes him a master of your body, knowing every touch, every kiss, every thrust that drives you wild.

F = Favorite position 

 Marcus’s favorite position depends on the situation. If it’s rough, he loves doggy style, the way your muffled moans fill the room as his skin echoes against yours. He’d grab your hips, pulling you back onto his cock with a force that makes you see stars. “You like it rough, don’t you?” he’d growl, his voice thick with desire. If it’s a more casual or de-stressing situation, he loves a good cowgirl session, letting you take control as he praises and degrades his perfect girl. He’d look up at you, his hands gripping your waist, guiding your movements as he says, “That’s it, ride me like the good girl you are,” his voice low and commanding. His eyes would lock onto yours, watching every expression of pleasure that crosses your face, his own pleasure evident in the way he moans your name.

G = Goofy 

 For Marcus, being goofy really depends on his mood. He's the type to let his jealousy flare up, his possessive side showing when he sees other men looking at you. But he’s also not afraid to make you laugh, his charm and wit coming to the forefront. After a dinner party when you’re both tipsy, he’d pull you close, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Did you see the way they were looking at us?” he’d say with a chuckle, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin. Or after winning a battle, the adrenaline still pumping through his veins, he’d be ready to joke around, seeing the lighter side of life. He’d spin you around, lifting you off your feet, his laughter infectious. “Come here, my victorious queen,” he’d say, planting a playful kiss on your lips, his hands wandering, teasing, making you giggle and blush.

H = Hair 

Marcus’s hair is a testament to his rugged masculinity. It’s messy but not overwhelming, a happy trail leading down from his chiseled abs to his pubic hair. It’s a sight that makes your mouth water, a promise of the pleasure that lies beneath. He’s meticulous about keeping it just right—not too much, not too little. When you run your fingers through it, you can feel the softness and the coarseness, a blend that’s uniquely him. It’s a reminder of his primal nature, a part of him that’s untamed and wild, just like the passion he ignites within you both.

I = Intimacy 

 Marcus is a lover through and through, and his primary goal is to make you feel cherished and desired. During doggy style, he peppers kisses along your back, his lips soft and warm against your skin. Each kiss is a promise, a reassurance of his affection even in the throes of passion. In missionary, he gives you love bites, his teeth grazing your neck and shoulders, leaving marks that are both tender and fierce. He holds you close, his hands cradling your head, his eyes locked onto yours as he fucks up into you. When you ride him, he meets your hips with powerful thrusts, his hands guiding your movements, his voice a low, seductive murmur in your ear. “You’re perfect,” he’d say, his breath hot against your skin. “I love watching you take me.”

J = Jack off 

Marcus has a healthy appreciation for masturbation, finding it a useful way to relieve stress before battle. But he also loves to pleasure himself in general. One of his favorite scenarios is to jack off to your naked body as you kneel in front of him, your eyes locked onto his, waiting for his release. His hand moves with purpose, his gaze dark and hungry as he watches you. “You look so beautiful like this,” he’d say, his voice thick with desire. When he finally comes, he makes sure to aim for your face and chest, his cum painting your skin in hot, sticky ropes. The sight of you covered in his release, your cheeks flushed and your eyes half-lidded with lust, is enough to make him want to start all over again.

K = Kink 

 Marcus’s kinks are varied and intense, reflecting his dominant nature and his deep desire to possess you fully. He has a breeding kink, a primal urge to fill you with his seed and mark you as his own. He loves to switch between leading and being led, finding the balance between dominance and submission thrilling. Degradation and praise are two sides of the same coin for him—he can call you his dirty little whore one moment and his precious angel the next, each word sending shivers down your spine. Squirting is another of his favorites; seeing you lose control and release all over him drives him wild. Bondage is no stranger to your encounters, with ropes and restraints enhancing the intensity of your sessions. Voyeurism, spanking, orgasm control, and gags are all part of his repertoire, each one adding a new layer to the pleasure he gives and receives. “I’m going to make you scream my name,” he’d whisper, his voice a dark promise as he ties you up, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

L = Location 

The location for your intimate moments with Marcus varies, adding an element of excitement and spontaneity. In the coliseum before a battle, the tension and anticipation heighten your arousal. Marcus pulls you into a secluded corner, his hands already roaming your body. “We don’t have much time,” he growls, capturing your lips in a fierce kiss. The urgency and danger make every touch electric, every kiss a promise of what's to come. In the bedroom, the intimacy shifts to a different kind of connection—a place where you can take your time and explore each other fully. The soft sheets and dim lighting create a cocoon of warmth and desire, where every touch and whisper feels magnified.

M = Motivation 

 Marcus is driven by jealousy and the desire to claim you as his own. The thought of anyone else touching you makes his blood boil, fueling his need to assert his dominance. Winning you and your body is his ultimate goal, a conquest that he approaches with both passion and reverence. “You’re mine,” he’d say, his voice a low growl as he pins you beneath him. “No one else can have you.” His possessiveness is both thrilling and terrifying, a reminder of the intensity of his feelings. Each time he makes you come, it’s a victory, a confirmation of his power over you.

N = No 

Marcus doesn’t share. The very idea of anyone else touching you fills him with a possessive rage. You’re his, and he makes sure you know it. “You belong to me,” he’d growl, his eyes dark with jealousy as he presses you against the wall. His hands would roam your body, staking his claim, leaving no part of you untouched. “No one else gets to see you like this, to touch you like this,” he’d whisper fiercely, his lips crashing onto yours in a kiss that leaves you breathless. His possessiveness is intoxicating, making you feel desired and cherished in the most intense way possible.

O = Oral 

 Marcus is experienced, and when it comes to oral, he knows exactly how to make you scream. His tongue flicks and swirls, finding all your most sensitive spots. But his fingers—oh, his fingers are even better. He loves the way you react when he slides them inside you, curling just right to hit your G-spot. His guilty pleasure is making you squirt, and he’s a master at it. “Come for me,” he’d murmur, his voice a low command as his fingers work their magic. And when it’s your turn to pleasure him, he loves it when you deepthroat him. The sight of you taking him so deep drives him wild. “That’s it, take it all,” he’d groan, his hand tangling in your hair as he guides your movements.

P = Pace 

 On a normal day, Marcus starts slow, savoring every moment. He loves to tease you, building up the anticipation until you’re begging for more. But once he’s ready, his pace picks up, becoming so rough you think he’s going to break you or the bed. “You like it rough, don’t you?” he’d growl, his thrusts becoming harder and faster. The bed creaks and shakes under his powerful movements, but you’re too lost in the pleasure to care. His stamina is impressive, and he knows just how to push you to the edge and then pull back, prolonging your pleasure until you’re a quivering mess beneath him.

Q = Quickie 

 Marcus loves a good quickie before battle. The urgency and the risk make it all the more exciting. He’d pull you into a secluded corner, his hands already roaming your body. “We don’t have much time,” he’d whisper, his breath hot against your ear. The quick, rough encounters are exhilarating, a burst of passion that leaves you both breathless and satisfied. He’d thrust into you with a ferocity that takes your breath away, his hands gripping your hips, pulling you back onto him. “I need you,” he’d groan, his movements frantic and intense.

R = Risk 

 Marcus and you love the thrill of voyeurism. The risk of getting caught adds an extra layer of excitement to your encounters. Whether it’s a quickie in a hidden alcove or a more drawn-out session where you know someone might overhear, the danger heightens the pleasure. “They might see us,” he’d whisper, a wicked grin on his face as he takes you in a public place. The thought of others watching, of them knowing just how much you belong to him, is a huge turn-on. His hands would roam your body, claiming you in full view of anyone who might happen by.

S = Stamina 

 Marcus’s stamina is legendary. After a battle, he can go for two rounds without breaking a sweat. On particularly good days, he can manage four rounds with only a short rest in between. Each session is intense and satisfying, leaving you completely spent and utterly satisfied. “I’m not done with you yet,” he’d say with a smirk, rolling you over for another round. His endurance means he can keep going until you’re both utterly exhausted, your bodies entwined in a tangle of limbs and sweat.

T = Toys 

 Marcus loves incorporating toys into your sessions, especially ropes and silk ties. He’s an expert at bondage, using the restraints to heighten your pleasure and control. “Let’s see how long you can last,” he’d say, his voice low and teasing as he ties you up. The feel of the silk against your skin is a sensual delight, the ropes binding you in just the right way. He loves to watch you struggle against the restraints, your body arching as he brings you to the brink of ecstasy. The added element of control and restriction makes every touch, every kiss, every thrust even more intense.

U = Unfair 

 In the game of teasing, you’re definitely the worse offender. You love to drive Marcus wild at every opportunity, whether it’s brushing against him suggestively or whispering naughty things in his ear when you’re in public. You can’t help but revel in the way his eyes darken with desire, knowing you’ve got him on edge. “You think you can get away with this?” he’d whisper, his voice a low growl as he pulls you into a dark corner. While you tease relentlessly, Marcus is more calm and calculated, choosing the perfect moments to get back at you. He’d brush his fingers lightly against your thigh under the table at dinner, or give you a knowing look that makes your heart race. “You’re going to pay for this later,” he’d murmur, his lips grazing your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

V = Volume 

 Marcus is a symphony of growls and grunts, his primal sounds adding to the intensity of your encounters. His deep, guttural noises make your heart race, a constant reminder of his raw, untamed passion. Every so often, he’ll slip up and let out a deep or strangled moan, the sound vibrating through you and making you even wetter. “God, you feel so good,” he’d groan, his voice rough with need. Those rare moans are like music to your ears, a testament to the pleasure you bring him, and they drive you wild, pushing you to give him even more.

W = Wild card 

 Marcus likes you in control more than he lets on. When you take charge, he doesn’t have to worry about anything; he can fully let go in a way he usually doesn’t. He loves the way you take the lead, guiding his hands, setting the pace. “Show me what you want,” he’d say, his eyes filled with desire as he watches you take over. It’s a wild card move that brings out a different side of him, one that’s completely surrendered to your touch. The trust and vulnerability he shows in those moments make your connection even deeper, the pleasure more intense.

X = X-ray 

Marcus’s dick is large and in charge. It’s about the girth of four of your fingers and three of his, with a slight curve to the left and a hard length of 8.5 inches 

Y = Yearning 

 Marcus’s desire for you is insatiable. His yearning is always high, a constant, burning need that he can barely control. “I can’t get enough of you,” he’d say, his hands roaming your body, never satisfied with just one touch. He’s always ready for another round, his passion never waning. The intensity of his need makes every encounter feel urgent and necessary like he’s been waiting forever just to have you. His eyes would darken with lust every time he sees you, a silent promise of what’s to come.

Z = Zzz 

 Marcus always makes sure everything is okay with you before he falls asleep. After an intense session, he’d pull you close, his hands gentle as they caress your skin. “Are you alright?” he’d ask, his voice soft and filled with concern. He’d kiss your forehead, making sure you’re comfortable and satisfied. Only when he’s certain you’re okay would he allow himself to drift off, holding you tight in his strong arms. His protective nature is a comforting presence, making you feel safe and loved as you both slip into a peaceful sleep.

[raygirlramblings]

OH

I just realised something about Laserhawk Rayman which I've been saying about Rayman for DECADES.

So what is Rayman's defining goal which powers him throughout all his games? It's gonna sound corny, but it's FRIENDSHIP.

And you'll say 'oh that's not uncommon, most videogame protags do stuff for the sake of their friends', but it's kinda more than that.

Rayman LIVES AND BREATHES through the love and support of his friends.

Rayman is a strange little freak guy, one of a kind even amongst his own species*, and instead of being shunned and alone he is held up and supported by his friends and propelled forward by the power of friendship. This is more of a driving force in his life than a romantic interest, a prized possession, or any kind of praise.

(*I still use the logic of Rayman 1 that other limbless beings like Rayman exist but were not created by magic. Hence why Rayman has immortality)

On the surface you have his friendship with Globox as a clear example of his devotion. Despite their differences the two are like brothers and bond through various games in different ways. saving and being saved by Globox is a big part of Rayman 2. Curing Globox of Andre is literally the driving force of Rayman 3.

When Rayman is trapped by the pirates at the start of Rayman 2 he is absolutely distraught, powerless and unable to escape on his own. Without Globox risking his life on the vague chance he'd get put in a cell near Rayman to give him a silver lum, Rayman might never have escaped the Buccaneer. Rayman's friendship with Globox trumped Globox's absolute fear of the pirates.

Rayman's friends are always the ones giving him support and gifts and powers to help him save the day, not in a 'you suck lets hold your hand as you go through the game' way but in a 'we have absolute faith in you, friend, anything we can do to help we will!' way. And in turn Rayman returns that love through his actions and compassion. Rayman is who he is because of the love and acceptance of his friends. Hence why he is always seen relaxing with them, chilling with Globox and Barbara and Murfy and the Teensies.

And it's Rayman's willingness to befriend others and turn the other cheek that betters him overall. Mosquito, Inspector Grub, the Rabbids, they have all been part of his journey despite being antagonistic to him at the start.

When Rayman is separated from his friends, or unable to make new friendships, he kinda falls apart and struggles by himself. He gets lonely, realises how small he is in the world. If he doesn't have a focus to find his friends and help them he is lost.

Which makes perfect sense when you see a version of him in Laserhawk.

Rayman is the most popular mascot in Eden but HE DOESN'T HAVE FRIENDS.

The closest connection he has is to the Counsel who run Eden and even they keep him at arm's length from what we see in the show. They are not his friends, they are his abusive, neglectful bosses that dropped him the minute he stepped out of line, and without them Rayman has NO ONE ELSE in the city he can rely on.

No wonder he's a complete mess even before the show starts. He has no one to confide his fears in, no one who understands his unique perspective. He probably has yes-men and people willing to lie about how great he is, not to mention adoring viewers and a whole fanclub of kids, but even Rayman knows that's fake. They are not his real friends. He's the picture of the lonely celebrity in an ivory tower.

You can see it in Rayman's face when he meets Bullfrog, and Bullfrog VALIDATES his feelings of betrayal and anger against Red and the Counsel. Finally he has someone showing him genuine compassion but also not mollycoddling him. Someone who is honest with him and not freaked out by/judgemental of how he looks. He's scared and angry, but there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel before him.

This and being replaced by Eden is the breaking point that causes Ray to become Ramon and fight back. He now has an end goal, take revenge on the Counsel and save Bullfrog from the electric chair. He has multiple reasons for doing this ranging from his belief in protecting hybrids in general to protecting his image to taking away some of Eden's power at gunpoint...but I also like to think he did it because he put his faith in Bullfrog.

Because as well as being one of the only people in Eden who might have an idea of what's going on behind the veil, he's probably the only person Rayman could consider a friend.

[lanafofana]

The chronic pain do be chronic-ing today so have some edible induced ranting :) 

I hate when you’re on the dock and Gale’s like I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna give the crown to Mystra. And tav/durge is like and then you’ll be Mystra’s chosen again! 

What? What? What?! 

I understand that his character growth is about trusting in the goddess to understand how the crown should be handled and following through with his oath in a bid for redemption. 

I get that, in surrendering the crown, he is finally accepting that who he is is enough, not only for his lover but also, for himself. 

But, larian, I have spent an entire [redacted] talking my companions down from the precipice and severing their blind devotion to their deities so why the FUCK am I suddenly like yaaas embrace the chosen status! Fuck agency! 

(Remember how Gale accepted/understood that Elminster had no choice but to charge him with self detonation because he was bound by the duty of being Mystra’s chosen??) 

Especially as someone who romanced him and saw him up close and personal at his absolute lowest when he was damn near willing to jump out any window he came across because he thought fatal penance was the only redeeming path open to him.  

And to be clear I’m not in the Mystra hate camp, I get why you would be but I think she acted in typical ‘nothing matters more than The Balance’ god fashion. If anything, I kinda headcanon that Gale had an intrinsic touch of fate/destiny about him that probably drew her attention. She may not have known or understood exactly what the nature of that fate/destiny was and, eventually realizing the danger the Absolute posed to gods as well as mortals, simply misinterpreted it. She, as well as everyone, was making decisions based on the information available as well as the wisdom of past experience (cough Karsus). 

Something I don’t see talked about much, and maybe it’s because I’m usually too deeply entrenched in my Halsin brainrot to look for, is how power hungry Gale is. When he’s convincing you that he should be allowed to pursue godhood he tries to convince you that, morally, he’s going to be so much better than the other gods. There’s an option to say something like Morality? Who cares about morality? Think of the power! And Gale’s response? Could not be more chuffed. He’s like OMG YOU GET ME. 

And…like, his pursuit of power is not just based in thinking he’s not good enough. Before he was knocked down several pegs by the orb sucking away the majority of his powers, he very much considered himself good enough. He desired power, lusted after it so much, he was willing to ignore the wisdom of the goddess of magic herself. True he was pursing it out of a misplaced devotion to the diety he loved but he was still pig headed enough to pursue it. The man had confidence coming out of his ears. I 100% believe if he had understood the nature of the Karsite weave and had knowledge of the Crown’s existence he could have been the Big Bad of Baldur’s Gate 3 instead of the Dead Three. 

Anyways, what was I saying? Uhhhh yeah! So his path to redemption is very much about relinquishing that lust for power. Power for its own sake, as well as power as a balm for his crippling self doubt. Self doubt he only acquired because he was one of the most powerful and gifted wizards of his time and had the majority of his powers stripped from him for reasons he didn’t fully understand. 

And telling him how great that he can finally return to being Mystra’s chosen feels like erasing that agency he’s finally found for himself. 

Anyway, I hate it. Fuck being chosen. 

I need a nap.

[alleiwentcrazy]

Eddie Munson finds great joy in collecting strays. That’s obvious.

With people, it’s quite pronounced. He treats the word “freak” like an acclaimed royal title, not some low insult. Eddie loves his freaks – he treats them with care, understanding and unmistakable devotion, always offering some sort of safe haven and an outlet for both their sadness and glee. Everyone who knows Eddie knows that.

It’s a bit less pronounced with other creatures. Although Eddie’s adventures with wild, sometimes even feral (or simply interdimensional) animals still present a sore spot for him, he’s never stopped caring about them and trusting them. Eddie has a whole clowder of half-domesticated cats wandering around the fields behind his trailer at all times, because he can’t seem to accept the fact that it’s impossible to efficiently help each and every one of them just like that. Sometimes their constant presence, walls-scratching and low mewling spawns some unwanted pictures and dreams in Eddie’s head, but he will never admit to that.

What’s even less obvious—even to Eddie himself, it seems—is that his relationship with all kinds of strays is, more or less, a two-way street.

Eddie takes after his strays more than he’s aware of. For example, he’s just a little more sarcastic when he’s back from hanging out with Max. He’s a little more excited about basketball when he picks up Lucas after his practice, even though he considers himself a sports’ sworn enemy. He’s a little more tentative and reflective when he gives El some advice about regrowing her hair, because he’s well-versed with how much of a pain in the ass it can be. And so on, and so forth.

It’s the same with his cats. He takes after them a lot.

Usually, it’s Steve who notices it first. He’s also the one who falls victim to Eddie’s cat-like habits.

*

The first time it happens, they’re “studying” for Eddie’s exams. He’s been forced to retake his senior year once again, but this time he’s doing everything in his power to get through it unscathed. Usually Nancy plays the role of his tutor, but Steve takes over when she can’t make it. He’s more like moral support than anything else, since Eddie studies best when he has someone to talk to, and Steve isn’t too confident about his academic skills to really tutor him, so he’s just happy to help and listen.

But it’s starting to get late, he had a morning shift and he’s finding it hard to fight off the drowsiness, especially because Eddie’s voice is deep, raspy and warm, and it makes him feel like he’s listening to some type of bedtime story.

“...so that’s why, I think, trig kinda sucks. But I’m getting the hang of it, I guess?”

He barely registers the meaning of the sentence. He’s so comfortable sitting under the blanket on Eddie’s bed everything loses importance. Moving his mouth seems to be an impossible task, so Steve just hums. When he cracks one eye open, Eddie’s looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“I’ll make some coffee,” he says, but Steve doesn’t even see him leave. He slides down and buries his face in the pillows.

He knows when Eddie comes back because the smell of coffee infiltrates his sleepy haze, but doesn’t motivate him enough to get up.

“Budge up,” he hears. Then a hand squeezes his shoulder, so he moves closer to the wall with a whine, squishing his cheek further into the pillow. Something warm settles beside him and he thinks, simply, that it’s really pleasant to be this cozy and comfortable before he drifts off for good.

When he opens his eyes in the morning, he’s welcomed by a very curious sight.

Eddie Munson sleeps like a cat.

He’s lying on his back, long hair only slightly tangled where it’s splayed over the pillow. When sunrays hit his face, he instinctively turns his head in the right direction and Steve almost expects him to make a noise—a noise that would most probably remind him of purring. Eddie’s limbs are spread out all over the bed and his whole body seems to be twisted to the side, but he still takes up a lot less space than anticipated. His left hip is pressed to Steve’s right, but it’s the only point of connection between them.

Steve has seen this sleeping position only once, when he met Robin’s cat, Biscuit. Biscuit supposedly hates Robin, but somehow trusts Steve, because he sleeps with his tummy out when Steve’s around. Just like Eddie.

Steve raises his brow and looks at Eddie’s sunlit face again. He’s peaceful and relaxed, unbothered by the noises coming from outside. When the sun moves again, Eddie moves with it, pressing his bony hip a little closer to Steve’s.

That’s curious indeed. Steve doesn’t want to dwell on how it makes him feel at the moment, so he just looks. It’s quite a sight.

*

Weeks pass, Eddie’s peculiar habits get more and more frequent—or maybe after that one night spent at the trailer Steve’s just more focused on taking note of them. His hypothesis that Eddie’s a lot like his animal companions of choice is being confirmed time and time again, mostly when Eddie falls asleep.

After some time, Steve notices that on top of preferring weird sleeping positions, Eddie also makes a habit of seeking other people’s warmth whenever he wants to take a nap. Steve honestly doesn’t think it’s anything personal; Eddie will fall asleep on anyone’s shoulder if they let him, but he seems to have a preference. The preference being Steve.

When Robin tries to comment on that, Steve silences her. Half because he doesn’t want to confront that yet, half because he enjoys it and doesn’t want to spook Eddie away. Sue him if he likes being needed, right?

The only time he kind of regrets letting Eddie cling to him is when they go to the beach with the kids.

It’s not even a real beach, but they’re set on enjoying it as much as they can. Eddie takes his van, Nancy takes the wagon, they pack everyone inside and get the hell out of Hawkins for a full day. The weather is perfect, the grass is green and soft, the lake is nothing like Lover’s Lake at home. If only because there are no horrible memories attached.

Steve’s off babysitting duties when Nancy announces lunch, everyone wolfs down their sandwiches and lounges lazily around the lake in the scorching afternoon sun.

There aren’t many things Steve enjoys more than good sunbathing. At home, he can’t really do that anymore. He can’t stand the pool and the chlorine, he can’t stand the sound of unnatural sloshing of the water. It all makes his head spin and before he knows it, he’s back inside, fully dressed and calling Robin to ease the panic.

It’s different here. He lays down on his fluffy towel and enjoys the sun, listening to Dustin’s happy squeals and Lucas’ joyful giggling.

Until he has to hiss, because glacially cold droplets of water hit his sternum and a shadow obscures the light. When he opens his eyes, Eddie Munson grins at him despite the glare he’s being welcomed with.

“Hiya,” he says, shaking his head like a dog. Steve scowls some more. “Move over, beauty queen.”

“Don’t you have your own towel?” he grumbles, but makes space nonetheless, all while desperately trying not to catch Robin’s eyes at the same time.

Eddie plops down beside him, immediately making himself comfortable in the sparse space Steve has left him. “Yeah, but yours is better. And you wouldn’t starve a man of his rightful summer afternoon nap, would you, Stevie?”

Steve closes his eyes, not letting go of the frown. “Stop yapping or I’ll throw you into the water again.”

“Will you carry me to the shore princess style this time? Because—Hey!” He finally shuts up when Steve elbows him.

When Robin wakes him up again, Eddie’s on his side, so close to Steve he can feel his steady breaths on his shoulder. Eddie’s both arms are thrown over Steve’s chest—because of course, even his side sleeping must be cat-like.

“Wake up, tiger,” she says, barely holding back a smirk. Steve knows this face too well.

“What are you…” Robin points at the sun and then at his chest. Steve’s brain is still a little hazy from his nap, so it takes him a while to understand what she means. When it hits him, his eyes get so big Robin can’t contain herself anymore. She lets out a loud cackle that soon transforms into a full laughing fit. Steve can’t even blame her for it.

Eddie stirs beside him. Slowly, he sits up and yawns. While he’s rubbing his eyes, Steve looks down at his chest in agony. It’s all red and scorched – all, aside from two pale stripes where Eddie’s arms were lying across his skin.

He sighs at it in disbelief while Robin cackles some more.

*

Overall, Steve quickly finds out that he really doesn’t mind the fact that Eddie includes him in his every nap when they’re together. In fact, he learns that he enjoys it so much he can’t imagine napping all by himself at this point.

But it’s all okay. And it’s not that unusual, right? They’ve all gotten really close since Vecna—even Nancy and Robin have some kind of secret proximity contract going on between them, it seems. It’s the magic of shared trauma and shared secrets that keeps them together and pulls them closer to each other every day.

At least that’s how Steve explains it to himself. That’s how he explains the comfort and sense of safety he gets every time Eddie’s back is pressed to his chest, when they’re breathing evenly and in sync. That’s how he sees it when he absent-mindedly reaches for Eddie’s hand when they’re falling asleep on the Munsons’ worn-out sofa. That’s how he feels when Eddie’s arms pull him closer.

Deep down, he knows it’s not usual at all. He’s had enough dates and romances to recognize when things cross the line, but he purposefully closes his eyes to that for the time being, letting himself enjoy the comfort and the safety of it all.

He learns the hard way that while both him and Eddie decide to stay oblivious, not everyone else does. And the fact that they never talk about it doesn’t help.

As per usual, when their monthly movie night with Nancy and Robin – the original Upside Down Bat Squad – comes, Steve and Eddie squeeze themselves into one loveseat. Eddie’s head drops to Steve’s shoulder almost immediately and he folds himself into a small human ball, pressing his side to Steve and going to sleep instantly.

Steve would love to take a nap himself, but the movie is just interesting enough to keep him in the half-dazed lethargy between sleep and consciousness. When he finally drifts off, it’s not for long.

He opens his eyes again when he registers the sudden lack of warmth beside him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eddie leave through the glass door in his living room. He wants to call after him, but before he does, he finally notices the muffled talk in the corridor. Nancy’s voice cuts through the silence first.

“...yes, but isn’t it kind of… Strange for them to be like that without acknowledging it in any way?”

It’s quiet for a bit, as if the conversation is being actively processed by both participants. “You mean the, uh… The closeness, or…?” Robin tries to keep her voice steady and neutral, but her cover blows a little bit more with every word.

“Yes! You clearly can’t be this intimate with someone if you don’t care about them deeply. There’s always a reason to be so close to each other, right? And you’re Steve’s platonic soulmate, so it’s definitely not like that between them.”

So many things come to Steve’s mind so suddenly he has to close his eyes—things concerning not only him and Eddie, but also Nancy and Robin. Things they were all too blind to notice.

“You mean, um,” Robin swallows so loudly even Steve can hear it. “To be as close to each other… As we are, sometimes?”

He gets up, then, deciding that he’s heard enough. Robin will tell him everything either way.

When he opens the glass door and catches the sight of Eddie, sitting on one of the lawn chairs and smoking, he realizes that they’re both going to have a lot to confess to each other at work tomorrow.

He sits down on the chair next to Eddie’s and lets the silence envelop them for a second. Eddie passes him the cigarette and he takes a prolonged drag.

“Robin and Nance woke me up with their babbling. Sorry for waking you up too,” Eddie says without looking at him.

Steve doesn’t really know how to approach it. It would be difficult enough if only one or two of them were having a revelation this evening, but since it’s all of them—well, that complicates things. He’s only a little bit surprised that his revelation doesn't hurt him at all, though. It’s not making his stomach churn or his eyes water. He still feels safe within it. When he glances at Eddie again, he can’t help but hope, even though their situation has more layers than either of them has had a chance to discover.

“It’s alright,” he reassures, passing down the cigarette. “I wasn’t really sleeping.”

Something sour flashes on Eddie’s face, but it’s only temporary. He smiles again, then, although his eyes stay dim. “Bet you don’t get good sleep at all when I’m all over you.”

“Actually,” Steve says, making sure to time it perfectly. When he reaches out to take the cigarette from Eddie, he lets their fingers stay pressed together for long enough to make some ash fall to the ground by itself. “It’s the other way around. I like it. I like when we do that.”

Eddie frowns, but his expression is as far from sour as possible. “You do?”

“Yeah. It’s just… It’s calming. I feel safe. Far away from the monsters and shit.”

Eddie smiles and huffs. He lets go of the cigarette gently. His fingers drag down along Steve’s skin. He’s not too willing to admit that, but this simple gesture gives Steve enough goosebumps to last him for life.

“Monsters and shit,” Eddie says, smiling. He turns and presses his knee to Steve’s.

“Yeah, exactly,” Steve presses back. “Monsters and shit.”

[oddygaul]

Starship Troopers

This was the first time I’ve watched this since probably high school, and definitely the first time since having read Heinlein’s original Starship Troopers. It’s definitely a fun time, although thematically I felt it’s a bit weaker than folks let on.

Most of the modern reads of this movie praise its satirical elements, while noting how they seemed to go over the heads of most critics on its release. And, I gotta say, halfway through the movie, I was totally on board with this. From their philosophy class to basic training, every second of the movie is silly as fuck, and really beats you over the head with its satire.

The thing is, the second half seems to forget about this and mostly just turns into a big dumb action movie? It stays pulpy, sure – our mobile infantry are still running in and out of scenes with laughter and childlike glee, and we still get lines like “They sucked his brains out!” – but it otherwise plays things pretty straight as a heroic military scifi movie.

mfw they sucked his brains out

The disastrous assault on Klendathu feels like it ought to have been the turning point, our big denouncement of Starship Troopers’ rampant fascism. This segment firmly presents the counterargument for the Federation’s militarism: all of the hot-blooded, propagandized soldiers are suddenly presented with the harsh reality of war, the lack of glory in death, and the uncaring, inhumane system that’s feeding them into the meat grinder. Rather than take this pivot as an opportunity for our characters to question their actions, though, Starship Troopers doubles down, showing this as the moment our protagonists become hardened soldiers who are truly devoted to the cause.

I get that the intended tack here is to show how easy it is to fall for fascism: Rico, Carmen and Carl’s story is a cautionary tale of three normal classmates becoming fully ensconced in military fervor. The assault was a voluntary offensive action by the Federation, its disastrous casualties the result of callous strategic planning, yet it’s still used by the soldiers as their Pearl Harbor, the cornerstone of their ironclad motivation to keep fighting. We’re supposed to see the back half, then, as a tragic ending for characters who will never realize the dark fate that’s befallen them.

The thing is, I don’t think that approach works that well, because Starship Troopers cares too much about its main characters, consistently setting them up for big hero moments and heartwarming reunions. Rico’s big heroic speeches, the glowing reverence the movie shows for Rasczak’s return to service, Zim’s heroic demotion to private, done with no regrets due to his unwavering dedication to the Mobile Infantry – all these moments are played perfectly straight, swelling orchestras and all. This leaves the second half of the movie feeling like a pretty boilerplate military fiction story highlighting the glory of being a rank and file soldier.

I dunno, to me, after nearly a full hour of cool action scenes and wholesome barracks bonding, it loses its “war makes fascists of us all” bite and starts feeling more like “ok but also, fighting bugs in space is cool innit”.

(I mean, it is.)

—

I was wondering why Zander looked so familiar… y’all! It’s Sinbad! Crab! Big crab!

Having read the original book, while the tone / message switch was a good call, some of the changes surprised me. Namely, it’s kinda wild to have taken Starship Troopers, which has its place in history as the progenitor of the whole concept of power armor, and turn its soldiers into flak-jacketed mobs of mooks. It makes total sense thematically – Heinlein’s image of an unstoppable, armored, one-man-army is a potent metaphor for the righteousness and power of militarism, while the bumbling hordes fits much better in a satirical send-up of the story – it’s just wild to throw away arguably the most iconic part of the license you’re adapting.

Look they’re all hamming it up, but I think the cast did great with what they had – Ace, Zim and Dizzy all consistently made me laugh with their reads

[businesstiramisu]

Okay I rewrote the post. Thoughts on the last tenth (or so) of Worth the Candle:

[I don't really expect this to be interesting to anyone except me, but i do want to save these for future me, lol]

 I found the ttrpg Fel See Incident much more satisfying than the Aerb version. No, not satisfying, it was horrible. But it was exactly what the story had been building it up to be, for 1 million plus words, and that's quite an accomplishment. Whereas the Fel Seed of Aerb.... I think the problem is scope creep? When the stakes get Too High and the antagonists (or protagonists, for that matter) get Too Powerful my brain just gives up and I disengage. Like "sure, whatever, just tell me who wins". Whereas the ttrpg version, and the real world-level drama around it, felt horribly plausible.

I did like "we'll win the second time because, if Joon had gotten a second chance at the game, he would have let the players win." That was a nice bit of narrative reinforcement/article of faith.

 I love the Long Stairs. It's almost enough to make me think I should give SCP a more serious look, but I'm still worried the horror will be Too Scary for me. (And don't get me wrong I would hate to play a ttrpg campaign in it... actually, maybe it wouldn't be worse than usual? I could just follow the RDP instructions instead of my usual choice paralysis. well, depends on how often they come up. I probably wouldn't like having to make new characters constantly b/c they keep dying.) But like when Juniper wished they could've stayed in the labyrinth and explored the other cultures living there, I was right there with him.

The final reveal of Uther/Arthur..... hmmm, complicated feelings. On the one hand, ugh! why couldn't he just apologize, and admit to being terrible!! Well, he kinda did later... to Juniper, after they'd spent a long time rebuilding camaraderie and basically giving each other a pass for the horrible shit each considered the other to have done. And that was depressingly realistic. Well, idk that anything in my life compares (fortunately) but the most serious, scary arguments in my life have mostly gone like that.

Juniper and Arthur's ultimate goodbye felt appropriate, even cathartic. Raven and Bethel didn't get anything comparable though. Just Uther brushing them off (or in Ravens case saying "I understand this is hard for you but you've got to suck it up", basically). Which, yeah the world ain't fair. It wasn't justice, though. They didn't get their due like Juniper did.

The final conversation withe the dungeon master was also surprisingly satisfying! I liked it a lot more than when Sophie's World did the same thing. (And I've probably read more books that have the character confront the fact that they're characters in a novel, but that's what came to mind lol).

Maybe b/c it was really funny how the DM told Juniper "you're all characters in a novel I'm writing" and Juniper immediately rejected that explanation as bullshit.

Similarly, the Narrator, as the actual Juniper who was writing WTC

Heaven!Fenn though, felt overly self-indulgent to me. Which is maybe ridiculous, b/c the whole story is an exercise in self-indulgence/self-examination, but i dunno she just didn't work for me

Well, it's pretty hilarious that she was The One Person In Aerb Ever To Go To Heaven, and was always destined to be that one person. Hilarious in a pretty arbitrary way.

Someone in the comments to Ch. 245 or 246 said that "Worth the Candle but Reimer died instead of Arthur" is a great fanfic premise and... i dunno, it would be a massive amount of work, but it's tantalizing to think about. Seems like Aerb would have to be very different with--well, idk, would it be a whole collection of Reimer's characters, since he never seemed as devoted to one of them?-- instead of Uthur Penndraig, but with the themes of putting people on a pedestal, using their tragedies as an excuse to wallow in your own grief and depression and rage, and also the DM presumably having the same goals, I have to wonder how much it would even matter?!

Wow, the void beast was a metaphor for global warming?! kinda kicking myself for not picking up on that. Unless I just forgot about it; this story is really long.

[evilyunia]

Sarkontil’s turn! 4, 19, 30

Fuck yea, it's Sarkontil time! Than you for sending a questions!

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

It's really hard to tell maybe because Sarkontil lived a very long life, but i think exact thing that changed him is slowly realising the way his parents lived sucked. You see Sarkontil originally was from family of abyssal tiefling merchants. They weren't a slaves (which is rare and pretty lucky for tieflings born into Abyss) and sold various stuff mostly for mortal tourists in Graz'zt realm. But both his mother and father lived in constant fear among demons and half-fiends either afraid of being enslaved or eaten by more powerful inhabitants either their business and possessions being randomly taken away. Or perhaps both. Even though Zelatar protects merchants it is still the Abyss after all.

Seeing their lives as pathetic and weak Sarkontil realise that he will do anything to be the one who will be feared, not the one who fears.

This is why first thing Sarkontil decided to do turning adult is to say "fuck you", run away to mortal realm becoming the most devoted Graz'zt worshipper and seduce people from Toril into cult. Which were successful to say the least considering he was later chosen by demon prince himself.

Sarkontil doesn't hide his mortal past but he won't tell anything besides the fact he runned a cult and was good at it.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Biggest relationship flaw of Sarkontil is simply of him seeing everyone around as a tools and not living beings. And the most scary thing is him actually being good and knowledgeable about how people and their emotions work so he can manipulate the fuck out everyone around. For Sarkontil playing a role of affectionate partner or close friend is just a funny little thing he enjoys to do from time to time. But when time comes he will not hesitate to sabotage his own relationships and it's a good thing if you came out of his partnership being alive (and if you alive it's good if your death weren't slow and painful).

And it's always especially bad for Sarkontil's lovers. Level of his affection is equal to level of cruelty, the more he loves someone the more he temped to do a horrific things to them. And when Sarkontil gets bored of relationships with someone they quickly become dead. The way he loves to see beauty in pain also doesn't help at all.

Notably abyssal life essence Sarkontil gave to Ranrys were taken from his previous partner.

Also fun fact: after becoming a Graz'zt chosen and then transforming into full demon Sarkontil still was a servant and a lover of more powerful noble succubus/incubus named Zurantar. Sarkontil killed them, took their possessions and powers, used their skull and other bones as a jewellery for his two handed battle axe which he also named after.

So yeah the only one beloved material thing of Sarkontil is his battle axe named after his dead famous first demonic ex.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

What is more disgusting for Sarkontil than a devil?

A devil who is also ex celestial being!

The thoughts only about Order and the way devils live makes Sarkontil want to throw up immediately. Even though he don't care less about celestial beings (except when he finds some captive aasimars brought into Abyss pretty) the idea of devil with celestial background is the most infuriating and offensive thing to him imaginable. Also Sarkontil fights from time to time as a general in Avernus so his beef with Zariel is kinda obvious.

And as a noble from Zelatar he hates uglinnes even though his idea of beauty is interesting to say the least.

[sugoi-and-spice]

I noticed you have an overhaul multi chapter fic on your wip list, and in kinda curious to see what it’s about 👀

I do!! It is tentatively titled "Placebo".

The basic plot is Quirkless Reader/OC is sold to the Shie Hassaikai by her Dad to pay off a debt and Chisaki realizes that he can use her as sort of a genetic map to finish the quirk-erasing bullets. She ends up idolizing him as a savior and he decides to use that to his advantage. (Gah, I suck at loglines TT_TT)

Chisaki is a really interesting character to me. And I've noticed a lot of fics with him tend to focus on an obsessed yandere/kidnapper & explicit Non-Con angle - which I don't think is necessarily an incorrect read - but personally, I think one of the reasons he's so powerful in the series is because of what a master manipulator he is even without violence. Most of the Eight Bullets follow Chisaki because of their legitimate devotion to him. The guy has a fucking way with people, particularly with exploiting victims. He doesn't use physical violence against Eri to keep her in line - he uses mental manipulation.

"Someone else is about to die because of you! Is that really what you want, Eri?!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's your fault. You break people."

"I always have to get my hands dirty because of your selfishness".

So I'm more interested in exploring that angle through the story of a mutually unhealthy relationship in a long-fic, rather than a straight up violent kidnapper/kidnappee scenario.

I also think the idea of a redemption arc for Chisaki following the loss of his arms is a really interesting challenge too. I started the fic *looks at doc date* WOW, in February 2021 lol. So before the Tartarus Escapees Arc. I was super excited to see what Horikoshi would do with his character when he was out and...

...meh?

From a bigger picture perspective, Chisaki definitely served his purpose. The story needs to go a long way to justify why Deku will save Shigaraki (especially in these recent chapters, holy shit lol), and having him save Chisaki - probably the most heinous villain aside from AFO that he's come across - from the hostage situation with Lady Nagant goes a long way to make that happen. It shows that when Deku says he wants to save everyone - he freaking means EVERYONE.

...buuuuut the villain-stan in me still wishes that the mental state of Chisaki and the making amends with Eri aspect could've been explored more. So I'd like to do that lol. My long-fics tend to be character studies at their core, lol. (One-shots tend to be a little more indulgent xD)

Also ugh Kellen Goff and Kenjiro Tsuda -- Chisaki, has the sexiest fucking voice in both Japanese and English, whaddup - don't @ me lol.

Haha, not me making a whole Overhaul meta from a quick question about a WIP. 😅 I just have a lot of thoughts lmao.

I might post a preview here if people are interested, but the actual fic itself probably won't be out for a while. I would like to finish Time to Pretend first, and the outline and chapters I have written for this project need some serious revisions. The Protag is also a named OC originally, but I've actually been pretty happy with this experiment I tried out with using a 3rd Person Reader/Nameless OC for "Play Nice", so I'm kind of mulling over if I want to give this fic the same treatment.

[cinnamonest]

I've discussed slut Lumine and Consequences™ before and I've somewhat discussed slut Mona briefly before, and the imperative of Kokomi being nonconned but... Slut!Kokomi though. Let me tell you.

Her family name isn't enough to earn her that high ranking spot, maybe she could have been a high rank, but to be in her exact position she needed a bit more than that. And, well, it certainly... Wasn't her ah... Combat capabilities (or lack thereof) that people chose her for. No, no, Kokomi got to her position the classic way -- sucking and riding her way to the top.

Kokomi has a body count rivaling the most prolific of serial killers. Kokomi literally does not know how many guys she's fucked before, she lost count after a hundred or so. She has, at some point, slept with literally every man in the resistance, at least twice.

The older, more important dudes... eh, she can get what she wants, a lot of them will agree to anything when they're in that post-orgasm state, all zoned out and tired. But she doesn't like dealing with them too much, they're a little more clever, they know what she's doing, they see through her with ease. She can't have that. No, she much prefers using her tactics and strategies (you know, the ones for guys, not the ones for war) on the young, subordinate boys that make up the bulk of the movement.

A lot of the young boys that come into the resistance movement idolize her. So when she gives them the slightest bit of attention, they do anything she wants. They're too naive to realize that they're just one out of twenty or so current flings (all of them for practical goals, none out of actually liking them) she has going at any given time. She comes up to them with that sweet face and voice and they can barely even hear what she's saying, their horny teen boy brains are consumed with "!!!!" because!!! Her Excellency is talking! To him! Directly! She's looking at him!!!

They don't even stop to consider how dangerous the favor she's asking for is, not when she smiles and covers her mouth with her sleeve in that cute little gesture. No, they do it without a thought, bodies on autopilot in an adrenaline and testosterone high, weak in the knees and stumbling around in a spaced out haze as they replay the part where she said she'd have a reward for them and gave a little wink, over and over in their head.

They're still sputtering out love and praise and worship while she finally pulls them into her room and lays back, loops her legs around their waist while they fuck her, cups their sweet face and murmurs that they're so cute and sweet. What a handsome boy, she says, and pulls off that little girly giggle, the one she's practiced to perfection by now, the one that makes boys shiver when they hear it. It has the intended effect -- their soul practically leaves their body and they cum within seconds. Which is what she wants -- the sooner she gets this part over with the better, ugh... But that sentiment would never, ever show even in the slightest on her face or in her voice.

And they're so naive, they believe excuses. Well, she stopped coming to them so much because she's busy with her role. She'll come back to pay attention to him again eventually. And she truly will -- she kinda... Rotates. She only has so much time and pussy to go around, so she has to balance which boys get it this week to keep them in the palm of her hand where she likes them.

Those older dudes she originally wormed her way above, now don't dare challenge her. She has more or less an army of white knights ready to defend her viciously should she just shrink back, quiver her lip and sniffle a bit -- that's all it takes to get them to come rushing to her defense. She's untouchable. When she makes mistakes, her strategies result in failure, again, they rush to her defense. Even the best leaders make mistakes, right? It's not her fault.

The thing about her though is she goes to great effort to keep up the ~pure~ appeal. I mean, look at her. That cutesy demeanor and high voice. She goes to great lengths to present as a sweetheart, pure type. She doesn't outright lie, she just... Implies some non-truths. Says things like "oh, is this how you do it...?" as she pumps cocks and rides, acting as if it's something foreign to her and not a practiced specialty. Puts on wide shocked eyes and makes surprised little noises as if this is the first cock she's been fucked by in her life, and not the seventh one in the past 5 hours. Says "don't tell anyone about us..." and acts as if the reason is she doesn't want everyone to know she has a boy she fucks because it would cause a scandal if she was sleeping with someone... and not that the real reason is she doesn't want them finding out she's doing it for *all* of them.

When Kokomi steps away from the crowd or soldiers or guests and gets behind closed doors, her voice drops like 2 decibels, her face falls to a resting bitch face or a scowl. It's all an act, the cutesy princess appeal. It's a lot of effort, keeping it up all the time. She hides behind the door and pretends she's not there when some of the more desperate, oblivious boys come searching for her, calling out to her because they want more. She's mastered the art of making sure no one knows where she is, so she can get a moment of peace and quiet.

She needs to go to these lengths. She knows that the thread she clings to is a fragile one. That if they started actually using their brains, they might start thinking about how tiny and weak she is, how the only thing keeping her in power above them, the only thing allowing her to be where she is, is them themselves. They might get ideas. She can't have that. And gods forbid they find out the truth, and get mad, or turn on each other... Or gang up on her. The thought makes her shiver.

It would be such a shame if one of said extra-devoted worshippers happened to follow her... She knows some of them get a little creepy, so she always looks over her shoulder, but sometimes feels like there's... Eyes on her. She blows it off as paranoia. She's just a little paranoid because, well, it *would* be rather bad if someone were to follow her around and find out about her... Habits. But she reasons that none of them are quite that devoted.... Right...?

When her worst nightmare comes true and they do gang up on her, she doesn't do the humble thing, she doesn't bow her head and accept the consequences, no. She stammers and makes excuses, keeps up the sweet little act, tells them I'm sure there's a misunderstanding, let's just all calm down and talk together, okay? And puts on her sweet smile... But it's not working. They don't look happy. Her voice wavers and she stutters, she takes a few steps back before her back hits the wall. And she decides to bolt... but when she looks to her left and her right, she realizes she's already surrounded on all sides, and she's left to just slowly shrink back, quivering and her smile twitching, nervously questioning ah, you guys....? before she finally gets grabbed by the wrist and dragged away, squealing and pleading, but no amount of begging is going to help now.

[angstyantoinette]

Yandere! Armin Arlert Headcanons

AGED UP I REPEAT ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP-

This little blonde ball of curiosity is verrryy toxic in my Yandere version. 

Armin knows how innocent he looks to other people and by playing on this, coupled with his practical and analytical genius status, boy is it so very easy for him to gain the trust of his comrades, friends and especially his Beloved. 

I feel as if Armin wouldn’t be picky with a particular type, but never being attracted to an unkind or particular person he would be disgusted by in any way. 

He may fall for someone who is slightly colder, or who doesn’t really know how to respond to kindness. In that scenario, Armin would be overjoyed, but very patient and giving with them; if he wasn’t Yandere. 

I see him as very touch-starved and wanting, but afraid to be clingy for fear he would drive his Beloved away. In this case he would dote on you as best he could in his environment, making you fall for him even more. 

You would him as endearing, and like most, innocent. Armin is smart; one might say way too smart for his own good, and being a Yandere, I feel this makes him just as dangerous as those willing to use physical violence/methods on their Beloved. 

He knows that you just love his little quirks and his way of thinking. If you tell him this, he may think you only see him as valuable because of his skill for strategizing. But when you reassure him that you just love him for him, he just falls in love with you even more. 

He’s worrisome about you. Every time he makes practise with your ODM gear until you’re bruised, and exhausted, ready to run into his awaiting arms. Rewarding you with cuddles and affection, Armin’s love isn’t exactly conditional; but it still isn’t normal.

But that’s if you accept his feelings, with Armin being a Yandere or not, and with your knowledge or ignorance. 

If you don’t accept his feelings, whether it being for your personal reasons, or because you…um, like someone else, to put it nicely; 

YOU’RE FUCKED. 

He’ll smile, nod his head, maybe try a little too hard to act like he’s okay with your decision. But you understand, after all, it’s not like you haven’t been rejected before. 

“We can always be friends, Armin! I’m here for you okay?” 

“Yeah, Y/N, whatever you say…” 

About a few weeks after his rejection, with all of the support from Eren, Mikasa and the others, Armin is slowly descending into a deep depression. 

He was so sure of his feelings for you. They were his most prized possession. You made him laugh, you made him blush and god you made his pitiful life seem so much more worth living. You were the ocean, and he just wanted to drown myself in you. Like the sun he saw so rarely, you were the ray of pure light that made his body burn. 

He lay awake at night, taunted and enthralled with the thoughts of you in so many different scenarios….maybe in particular, different positions. 

[Yes, those kinda positions. Armin’s not always that innocent, y’all.]

He knows that the more he thinks of you in these appetizing ways, in these hurtfully satisfying scenarios, he’s never going to be able to get over you. 

Rather, he’s not even going to try.

Being trapped in his fantasies, Armin is horrifically aware that these feelings are incredibly toxic, for the both of you. He just won’t let you go. Whatever it takes, Armin will commit whatever crimes he must to keep you in his life. 

He sees you as being misunderstood, especially if you’re typically a colder person, hard to read, detached. Some people compare you to Levi, but Armin just knows that you, like the Corporal, have far more depth than you let on. 

His intrigue doesn’t let up for a long while, as you’re constantly surprising him in new and amazing ways. You’re used to his deep interest in you after a while, but you still don’t understand him. 

Armin thrives on your confusion at first, but if it drives you away from him, he’ll go into tactical mode. Staying up all night,figuring out who is calling your attention to them rather than him and what his next move should be. 

With his intelligence, Armin keeps his sizzling bafflement and envy under wraps. He tells himself that maybe he had unerved you a little. He can get like that sometimes, surely you understood him well enough to know that?He obviously did find you interesting and he was willing to momentarily abandon Eren and Mikasa just to fuel his endless curiosity. 

Keep in mind, this is after you reject him, and his desperation to just know you and love you is greatly overwhelming him to the highest degree. You just won’t allow him to really see you, to understand you. 

Eventually, he snaps. Just not in the typical yandere way. We all know that Armin feels as though he is a nuisance, a self-proclaimed burden so he keeps most of his feelings inside, and lets them loose to either prove a point, or while under stress. 

It takes a minute for him to decide what to do with you, because he knows that once he has made a choice, it has to be the right choice. He has to know and map out a detailed plan, whether it’s doable, whether he’s able to pull it off by himself, etc.

His analytical skills come into play, and he plans everything from the location, time, the equipment needed at exactly what time. By this time, he will have comepletely left you alone; abrupt and brash, and just as he planned, you were surprised. Yes, he wanted to get to know you, and you couldn’t help but feel even slightly violated and maybe even disturbed. 

Your like anyone in the world, have natural curiosity and interest in just about anything. But the unfamiliar feeling of unsettlement around Armin just felt…off.

You secretly knew of his deep infatuation; people always seemed to determined to figure the silent types out, to crack them open, decipher their many secrets. In terms of this analogy, you sort of understand, maybe even sympathise with his endless novelty toward your character, but even so…just why?

Maybe it was the fact that you felt bad for him, in a sad, puppy love kinda way. Maybe you saw him as a traumatized individual, just putting his assumed coping mechanism to work, with you just in the innocent line of fire. 

If he kidnaps you at all, Armin will smother you. Telling you how much you mean to him, explaining that only he can access your wonder and intrigue. Because, after all, he worked this hard to get you; why would he ever share you with anyone else? 

Although he will be stern, he’ll always be nice about it, rewarding you or not. 

You’re an enigma to Armin Arlert, keeping him guessing, testing his patience with all of your being. You don’t know it, but soon you’ll be in his possession.

I headcanon him as seeing your refusal, your blatant rejection as some kind of ‘disease.’ You haven’t even seen the best of him yet, why make up your mind about something that you know almost nothing of? Oh well, you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other very soon. He’ll bare his injured soul to you, and you’ll have mo choice but to do the same for him. It’s what married couples do after all, right?

Just let him love you, Y/N. Let Armin adore you. It’s the best thing to do if you want everyone to live.

Glassy, still sapphire eyes simply stared at you in the weak light of a stolen candle. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what they were saying, those beautiful, dangerous, albeit loving eyes. But yet, they also held malice in their abyss’. Endless, bottomless, simply divine they were. That was all you knew.

“Why…do you lie to me?” he murmered. A small, rough palm came to rest against your hollowed cheek, fingertips gently tapping against the skin. Realising how close he truly was, you tried your hardest to get away, shifting in your place in the surprisingly plush, old bed, but all it took was a flash of blonde hair to whip past your face, before he succeeded in holding your arms down.

While he never did this explicitly to punish or harm you, Armin always knew just how to exert his power. Never mind the boundaries that he installed in you the day of your arrival; he didn’t care for them as much as you had to pretend to.

This Armin was unhinged. Normalcy could never be considered in this relationship. He could never understand the pain he put you through. To Armin, it was all in the name of his devotion. All of his interest had been rooted in one fact; you refused to love him.

Once he figured out that you wouldn’t couldn’t love him of your own accord, he became enamoured with something he just knew he could never have.

He had never even thought about taking you, drugging you, dragging you to a secluded spot in the woods, or an out of bounds room, derelict over many years.

“I never intended to take you like this, bunny.”

Swallowing hard, you tried to look him in the eyes, gently lifting your head higher and higher until his blue pools of mere unhinged insanity met your own pained orbs. Seeming to like this, he smiled.

His perfect teeth looked more like fangs in the dim, weak moonlight. It had felt like he had managed to suck every molecule of beauty from even the most simple of things.

His voice sounded like the devil; harsh, unforgiving lilting tones of false hope daring to stroke you face and make you think you had a good chance at happiness.

You didn’t know when he stopped being Armin and began being a monster. You didn’t know if the lines could be blurred any further.

“I never wanted this, Armin-” 

“Don’t play with me, bunny,” he snapped. His slender fingers wound themselves in your clean hair, twisting and searching for a soft spot to pull. When he found it, he lightly tugged; barely, but you still winced from the thought of the last time he did this. 

You still wanted to believe that he was quiet, sweet Armin who still had an unstoppable fascination with you, but he was harmless then. Or was he? Was he faking his intentions? Did he have it planned from the very beginning? 

You wanted to choke yourself for believing his simple demeanour, his dedication to the cause of the Survey Corps just like everyone else. He was a liar. He was a predator in all ways, ensnaring you, his perfect prey. 

Only now had Armin realized just how confused you were. 

You didn’t understand his love for you. You thought he hated you! 

Now that wouldn’t do.

Armin could have have kicked himself. All of his stern discipline and rules stemming from his love and protection meant that you mistook for him being cruel. He was doing this out of his devotion! 

How could he assume you would understand if he never told you, if he never proved his love?

“Armin, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything, I swear-” You took a deep breath, cutting yourself off. Now was not the place or time to be losing your composure; you still were trying to get used to the fact that you were being held against your will. 

“Hush”, he suddenly murmured, gently taking your chin in his fingertips, before moving them to tenderly cup your face, his eyes darting anywhere that he could lay his gaze upon.

The gestures were so tender you found your cheeks erupting with a wild blush, the burning shame hitting you moments later when your hatred and slight fear hit you like a slap to the face. 

Your embarassment only got worse when you felt his soft lips kiss your throat, his warm breath flush against your skin. His hands found themselves back in your hair again, stroking it, petting it, twisting it round and round his finger. His right hand caressed your nape, spreading his fingers so that they only just covered the width of your neck, and he pulled you closer, so that your head was nuzzled into his neck, buried beneath his love and fascination.

It all clicked. 

Armin wasn’t just interested in you. 

He was obessed with you.

Obsessively in love with you. 

You felt pathetic. You felt weak. But in a strange way, you also felt loved. 

You had no choice but to resign yourself to his touch, letting your head fall limp as he cradled you to his chest.

“Good bunny.”

[oskarwing]

I really wanna talk about the parent child relationships in Midnight Mass

I’m not sure if I’m good at writing this sorta Meta but here goes nothing. Very many spoilers follow.

Let’s start with the adults: 

First we have Erin who suffered so much at the hands of her mother and later because of her mother’s abuse. We don’t get much detailed info on Peggy Greene but from what we can gather she was a lot like Beverly Keane, who seemed to idolize her (though that probably got easier for her after Peggy was gone), in her self-righteous over-pious manner. She just happened to be Beverly with an alcohol problem and a daughter who she could take all her anger at life for not working out her way for God loving her just the same as everybody else out. The dove scene is really such a good scene. But Erin was stronger than her mother, stronger than the abuse that was about to repeat itself and when she found out that she would have a child of her own she left and tried her best to give her kid a better life than the one she had. And she found the strength I think with the help of the same God her mother most likely used as legitimation for her abuse (don’t get me wrong I believe it was Erin’s own strength but she also clearly found something in religion that helped her gather it) and it helped her to carve out a path for herself and her unborn child.  

Sarah’s relationship to her parents is such an interesting one because we get to see the end of it. The man who she believed to be her father has been dead for a long while and her mother is suffering through the late stages of dementia. And Sarah showed up for it. As a doctor she most likely knew what would be happening as soon as Mildred started to show the first symptombs but she wasn’t going to leave her mother. That kind of care for an elderly parent shows something that is proven in Mildred’s character time and time again: She is a very devoted parent and the love between mother and daughter flows both ways in every scene they are in together, after the birth of her daughter her world turned around Sarah and she loved her with all she had. There are a few scenes that show that Mildred’s understanding of the duty she felt towards her family came from the old values of her time. She wouldn’t have taken off with John and their child not for a lack of love but because in those times, in catholism still at least where I’m from, you can’t just marry a priest. You can’t just have a child with a priest eventhough you’re married and then fuck off with him. As a woman, as a wife and mother you have to stand with your husband, stand with your child and you have to stop running after fantasies I’m sure Mildred had. I’m saying this all from her perspective btw, I don’t necessarily think running away with John, in the way he wished to, would have been good for Sarah but honesty might have been and her old fashioned values were also what kept her from being truly honest with her daughter.  To John on the other hand Sarah is a fantasy, a dream he couldn’t reach. His daughter, his baby, so close and yet so far away getting to watch her grow into an adult but never being able to really be her father as in her Dad instead of her priest. And it’s painful to him, he clearly loved Mildred, loved Sarah but he was also kinda selfish in his love that in the end took Sarah away. At first he isolated his child by starring at her giving her the creeps and the feeling that she had done something wrong that he knew she was gay and dissaproved and then he took it upon himself to ‘cure’ Mildred in the same way he was. Sarah wanted to take care of her mother wanted to be there for her in those final months and John decided it was up to him to give Mildred a youth potion to make it so she’d never die. And with that he took away from Sarah what is without doubt a hard but for many people a very important last part of the relationship between child and parent. John was a complicated man and would maybe have been a great Dad he certainly showed a lot of fatherly love for his altar boys but he couldn’t have the family in the way he fantasized about and in the end it was that fantasy that made him act the way he did.   

Riley Flynn causes his parents a lot of pain. Him killing that girl in the beginning, his alcoholism, him simply not liking the place, the home they build for themselves through hard work causes the Annie and Ed so much pain and financial loss and you can see how tired they are, how much guilt they feel for failing their son. Ed calls out his own guilt and says that he doesn’t belive it could be Annie’s fault because ‘your mother’s a saint’ but what I truly love about Annie and Ed Flynn is that they both aren’t saints. As a mother Annie is very much overprotective and suffocating, wanting to keep her children on crocket island and hating the notion that they might leave her, even though she is kind and sweet and loving. And while Ed seems rather checked out as a father but he is the more honest parent, never talking down to Riley and telling him as it is, telling him about the pain he caused him while also admitting to the guilt he feels. The Flynns are flawed people even in their religious practice (I think the way Annie speaks about Ali showing up at church when Hassan seemed to be nothing but nice to her spoke very loudly to the fact that Annie is rather misguided sometimes) but they are good people at the core of it and their parenting might have been part of Riley’s way into alcoholism but it wasn’t only them. There were things they couldn’t change and things they had no influence over like his heart being broken by Erin running away, the sort of people he went out on parties with and so many other things...  Yes, they may have shaped their son in a way that made him vulnerable to addiction and the party scene of the stock and tech market and brought him to the point where he killed a child but it doesn’t happen through parenting alone and they also shaped him in the good ways. Him not losing himself when Pruitt changes him, him being brave enough to warn Erin, him standing up for what he believes in those things were also shaped by Ed and Annie. They are one of the best example of flawed but good hearted Christians I have seen in recent media and their portrayal was one of the most heartbreaking ones. 

Now the kids: 

Let’s start with Leeza. Little Leeza Scarborough who before it comes to her wonder gets treated with pity and overprotectiveness from her parents and the island community at large. Leeza was injured by Joe Collie transforming him into the island’s villain and her into the ever present victim.  What happened to her is without a doubt horrible and I understand why Wade and Dolly started to become these overprotective parents, why they were so easily sucked in to John’s and Bev’s scheme. Their little girl was almost taken from them eventhough Wade is the mayor, one of the most powerful people on the island he had no influence over what happened to Leeza even was the one who took her out that day and what followed the accident was as we can gather from their conversation with Sarah a lot of pain and financial burden though they say they would have done it all over for Leeza. In fact a lot of places in crockett island are wheelchair accesible and I am sure that Wade as mayor made it so (I can’t really imagine that a small place like the island was very inclusive though I may be wrong).  After Leeza is healed they don’t want to question in don’t want to think about what might have been the cause for it. In fact they stop questioning anything after that point, after Leeza walks again they are completely vulnerable to Bev’s manipulation and them letting that happen, them just going along with everything, Wade protecting John after he kills Joe long after Leeza forgave him and with her forgiveness send Joe on a better path is what in the end makes them lose her. Because Leeza isn’t that little victim who needs pity and help, she is a strong minded, strong willed young woman with a lot of wit who similar to Erin finds strength in her faith but in a way that isn’t devotion without question and when the Easter vigil is held she doesn’t follow her parents eventhough she loves them deeply. She forgives them I think, because that’s what Leeza’s character is about in it’s core but her parents were two of the instigators behind what happened on the island, without Wade’s protection John and Bev couldn’t have come as far as they did and they put their trust in them because they loved their daughter so much they didn’t stop to question if maybe what made Leeza walk again was also a bad thing. 

Ali and Hassan don’t have it easy and I as a white person really can’t speak much on the racism and religious discrimination they face.  I can say this I think: The first line spoken about Ali before we even really get to look at him is “You didn’t invite Aladin” and already sets us up for what both of them know: They are the outsiders. Not only because they just moved to the island but also because in their faith they are different from their peers and religion can often be a community building event for people before it is anything else. Ali starts balming his father a little for that, for not trying to fit in more with the community, for moving after his mother’s death and then not trying to be closer to the people around them and for the pain all the pain the two of them went through before Crockett island. It isn’t oly peer pressure though of course that brings Ali to St Patrick’s. Sure, Ali wanted to be part of the community but also desperately wanted to believe that there was a devine power who could if he just did it (it meaning faith) the right way he might find a way to avoid the pain of his parents. Hassan knew that and he warned him that that wasn’t how it worked. Hassan was a protective Dad and maybe he overdid it from time to time but his worries were never without reason, his need to keep his son safe from a world that hated him for a crime that happened when he wasn’t even born yet never unfounded and him wanting to make sure his kid kept the memory of his mother alive never anything but the wish of a griefing man and loving father. In the end when they pray together there is peace in them. They face their ends with the dignity Ali’s mother would have wished for and they face it as father and son. While Beverly the true religious terrorist of the story burns away without it. 

Warren is the youngest Flynn and it is never directly stated yet omnipresent that his coming of age happens in the shadow of his older brother’s mistake.  Annie warns him away from drinking when he goes out he in fact doesn’t drink. He never drinks because of what his brother did.  Warren would have been 12 when Riley killed that girl and so he would have seen and felt what his brother’s actions did to his parents fully without being yet old enough to maybe see the nuance.  Annie and Ed probably try to right the wrong they believe to have done in parenting Riley with Warren and that’s a lot for a kid. I do think it’s pretty usual that parents of multiple children especially when there’s a larger age gap try to do better with the younger children, but that isn’t fair is it?  Warren is his own person not a second chance to do it over.  And yet seemingly he does what is asked of him. He’s alter boy, he’s charming and helpful and sweet, he doesn’t drink (even when he does smoke pot) and he helps his father where he can with his work.  But in the end he feels guilty because he thinks he wasn’t enough and says at that last dinner he would have been different if he had known he wouldn’t see his family again. But Leeza is right they know and they love him and Warren deserved to not be perfect all the time. 

Littlefoot saved Erin and Erin payed her back with all the love she had. She was never born but she gave her mother the strength and willpower to leave.  In her speech to Joe Leeza said he reached through time and took things from her she didn’t even know she had yet.When Erin left her husband she reached through time and saved Littlefoot from a childhood like hers and when John gave Erin the angel’s vampire’s blood he reached through time and took away her child, a child who would have been loved and cared for. A child with an amazing mother and probably a great step-dad.  Littlefoot’s story is tragic because she never got one. 

[indigowallbreaker]

Sylvix roleswap? :3c

See, you said Sylvain and Felix but for those two to swap, we need to swap some brothers too.

-

Miklan is knighted at a young age. He’s pretty skilled with a lance and teaches little Dimitri, Sylvain, Ingrid, and Felix how to fight. Though still gruff in nature, Miklan’s fine with Sylvain and his Crest, happy to let Sylvain take over for their father while Miklan serves the royal family.

Sylvain comes to admire his brother’s strength. He devotes his early years to training and getting as strong as possible with the lance-- just like Miklan. Though Sylvain’s Crest gives him a slight advantage, Miklan encourages him to hone his skills.

Glenn, on the other hand, resents Felix and his major Crest out of the gate. He doesn’t treat Felix as cruelly but there is definitely neglect. He spends almost no time with Felix-- doesn’t read to him, doesn’t train with him, has almost no relationship with him at all. As the eldest Fraldarius, his father still agrees on the engagement to Ingrid. She’s a little less taken with Glenn, due to how he treats Felix, and develops a small crush on Miklan instead.

Felix as a child is still very much a cry baby and since his big brother has no interest in protecting him, he tries other tactics to cope when he is lonely and far from Sylvain, Ingrid, and Dimitri. Eventually he learns that other kids find him Cute. He uses this to charm people into liking him and then tricking them to get what he needs-- whether it’s to play a game HE wants to play, or for them to just stay with him for a while.

-

Then we have the ~Tragedy of Duscur~ where Miklan is killed in front of Dimitri. Ingrid is broken hearted. Dimitri is traumatized. Sylvain’s father makes an off-hand comment about “at least if wasn’t you, my heir, who was killed. That would have presented a bigger problem” and Sylvain is enraged at this. He never forgives his father for saying such a thing and grows to detest Crests and tradition in the Kingdom.

Felix wrestles with other issues on top of this Tragedy. Girls are starting to notice him. Rodrigue cautions him on choosing a good wife to help continue the family line and to be careful with advances. Felix figures the best defense is a good offence-- he starts flirting first, makes the first move, makes himself as despicable as Glenn to drive these women away.

-

At Garreg Mach, Felix wears his hair down a lot of the time. “Ladies like touching it,” he says when Ingrid asks about it getting in his way during training. Sylvain rolls his eyes at these sorts of comments (but he can’t deny he kinda wants to touch Felix’s hair too). 

Sylvain considers Felix a brat. He thinks Ingrid is ridiculous for mourning Miklan so deeply while her fiancé Glenn is still alive and well. Sylvain is terrified of Dimitri. 

-

Things change, once again, when Glenn steals the Fraldarius Hero’s Relic: the Aegis Shield. The Church sends Byleth and their students to get it, and Felix has to face off against his brother. They argue as they fight and it’s the most they’ve ever spoken to one another. Then Glenn Transforms due to the power of the Shield. He becomes this high-defense Beast that the whole class has to gang up on before he’s killed. Felix takes the Shield with a mournful, “Glenn... my brother.”

Life goes on. Ingrid is much less saddened by Glenn’s death than Miklan’s. Sylvain takes this as more evidence that the Kingdom sucks and privately dreams of running off to Sreng when he gets older. Felix covers up his anguish by flirting his way across the Houses. Dimitri tries to talk Felix into taking his training and future more seriously but Felix waves him away, saying Dimitri needs to be less of a bore.

-

And I’m ending there because frankly this is enough to chew on and I like that dumb pun as the final note XD This doesn’t really hit on Sylvix as a relationship but the back story is more interesting to me than the moment itself in this case. We can extrapolate from here how gruff, tsundere Sylvain and charming, smooth-talking Felix end up together ;)

[grayintogreen]

I feel like in the constant shuffling of back and forth arguing over SessRin and Sesshomaru’s character and whether it’s assassination or not (and I’m not here to start another argument- please please don’t start arguments), I haven’t seen any discussion on the HUGE implications about Sesshomaru and how nothing he’s done since he married Rin were for his OWN benefit. 

Let’s backtrack- Sesshomaru’s previous goals were, simply put, “surpass his father, get Tessaiga, kill Naraku, fight powerful demons, and carve a swath into Japan on a path of total conquest.”

Now by the end of the series he eliminated his need for Tessaiga, definitely surpassed his father, and Naraku is dead, which only leaves him with a clear path to building his empire. He could have inherited his father’s title, his lands, and all the necessary holdings he needed to be what he wanted to be- a fucking hotass powerful demon lord beating the shit out of everyone who gets in his way.

And he gave it up.

Let me say it louder: HE GAVE IT UP.

He didn’t take his father’s title or lands. He refused that call, and we haven’t been given a reason for why he would have done that beyond wanting to be with Rin and their children. This wasn’t some “hey I’ll claim these lands in a century or two- I’m gonna take some time off before demon college to play house” thing, which I’m sure he could have done. He has the power to assign vassals or someone to watch the West while he’s playing demon husband or, better yet, THERE IS NO REASON FOR WHY HE COULDN’T HAVE BOTH RIN AND HIS TITLE, beyond the idea that it would be extremely dangerous for Rin and their children for him to have that kind of clout in demon society with a human bride and half-demon children.

So he has maybe fifty more years with Rin at BEST, which is a blink in demon time, and he still decided he was going to just kick his father’s legacy into the ocean and do his own thing, consequences be damned. And there WILL be consequences. There HAVE been consequences. One could argue half the damn plot of Yashahime are the consequences of that choice. No good deed goes unpunished.

And the more I think about it... It’s like Toga tried to have it all- the full demon heir, the power, the lands, and the human girlfriend, and in the end what he got was an orphaned half-demon son, a resentful full-demon son, and a lot of people who respected him but not a whole lot else. He didn’t get to raise Inuyasha. His relationship with Sesshomaru, quite frankly, SUCKED. His legacy is based entirely on deeds, pissed off enemies taking their rage out on his sons, and a series of weird, incalculable tests to get said sons to reach their full potential with almost zero instruction manual to any of it.

So is it any wonder that Sesshomaru, when faced with picking up where his father left off, veered rapidly off-course and chose ONE THING to devote himself to FULLY, instead of a dozen things that would just cause problems further down the line. Choosing Rin I(and MARRYING her) gives him NOTHING. No power, no station, no respect. He chose it, inarguably, because he loved Rin and what she wanted meant more to him than anything he wanted to the point where he didn’t even want any of that anymore.

Now Zero and Kirinmaru and the events of Yashahime have kind of fucked up his entire life and ruined that and he’s clearly floundering here, because he doesn’t exactly have great parental role models to look up to and he’s doing this literally on his own when he’s Not a Smart Man and often takes the path of stupidity due to his OVERWHELMING PRIDE, and that’s a whole other argument, but Sesshomaru’s entire arc since Yashahime began hasn’t been about power, and even in his prolonged silences and weird decisions, we’ve seen nothing that contradicts that. It’s been about protecting his family,  because that’s what he chose. 

But as an audience we struggle because:

1. Sesshomaru is hard to read.

2. The narrative isn’t told from his perspective.

3. We don’t even know what his goddamned plan is or if he has one or if he’s just been trying to be opportunistic while avoiding showing his hand.

Which, yeah, understandable. But it’s hard to color him as a villain or someone who is backsliding when all the evidence that he gave up everything for his family is there and he’s shown no indication that’s not the case. He���s a ruthless pragmatist and he values self-reliance. He wasn’t going to coddle those girls even if things hadn’t gone to shit, because they need to be strong. He’s been a little harsh at times, but he’s also come when they needed him most, except for that last time, but at least he was there with a fucking solution. He probably didn’t think Kirinmaru would kill one of them either- KIRINMARU didn’t think he was going to do that. He just kinda flipped out there for a hot second.

Anyway... Boy I hope we get an episode in S2 about where his head’s at, otherwise I’m just assuming he’s “head empty, only panic/mariachi band playing sound of silence” all the time, and that’s why he’s a failure, not because he’s gone trauma rama, back to being evil.

[bettsfic]

betts, i remember you saying about job applications and grad school applications that it's a good thing if you call and talk to anyone with decision making power or something along those lines. i am a nervous wreck in the best of times and feel weird af about trying to convince people im good at things/they should accept me/hire me/whtever. HOW DO YOU DO IT

when i say get on the phone with someone who has decision-making power, i don’t mean like, cold call them to introduce yourself. i mean reach out via email to schedule a brief informational phone call so you get an idea of what the job/program is like, and go in with some insightful questions. then constantly affirm the answers you get. you go in with the mentality that *you’re* asking *them* questions about whether the job is right for *you*, and in the process, you get to tell them, by responding to their answers, all the ways in which the job is right for you and you’re so eager to apply. there’s a bit of an art to it, because you don’t want to come across like that’s what you’re doing. then after the phone call, you follow up with a thank-you email after you’ve applied and say you hope you get to speak with them again soon. and bonus, by talking to them on the phone, you now know exactly what you need to put in your cover letter.

so for example, with grad school, the program i got into had a note on the site that said something like, they’d be happy to answer questions for prospective students. so before i applied, i reached out to a faculty member and told him i had a few questions about the program and could we chat over the phone? he said sure. so i made a list of questions that i actually did want to know the answers to, like the student:faculty ratio, and what the town was like, and how many readings per semester, and so on. in this case, i was honestly on the fence about whether or not i wanted to apply, but i still did my usual “oh that sounds fantastic” and “that’s perfect” and just constantly reacting positively to everything i was told, occasionally throwing in some details about myself and how i would fit in the program. in this case, i actually did fit well with the program and by the end of the call, i really was excited to apply, and i think the professor i spoke with could see it too, which was why i was accepted so quickly. i don’t want it to come across like some manipulative sales tactic or anything. i had questions, he gave answers, and it worked out.

i did the same thing with a job i was also kinda ehh about, where it really was a manipulative sales tactic. i found the job and before i applied, i emailed the hr person and asked if we could talk on the phone so i could get a better sense of the job. there are plenty of jobs you won’t be able to do that, but this company had an hr team of like two people and their email addresses were listed on the website. so i scheduled the call and went in with my list of questions, but this hr person was really trying to get me not to apply for the job. she told me the hours sucked and the pay wasn’t good, but again, this game is about positivity and enthusiasm. “i’m just really looking for a job i can devote myself to,” i said of the shitty hours (which, one month later, i quit because of them). and of the pay, which was firmly non-negotiable: “it’s more than enough to meet my needs.” (bad idea! don’t do this! i know you should always negotiate pay, i just don’t know how.) i decided to apply because i needed the health insurance, and by then this hr person and i were on good terms, and she reached out to me to start the formal interview process a few days later.

this is definitely not a fool-proof method and you’ll have to read the room when it comes to reaching out to people. especially with entry-level jobs, those people do not want to hear from you. i have made this mistake many times and lost some opportunities because of it (and had many awkward conversations). but other stuff where they’re looking for specific qualifications and you have those qualifications, i think it’s helpful for them to be able to put a (personable, kind, enthusiastic) voice to a name. think of it like this: you’re not casting a net, you’re throwing a harpoon. accuracy over breadth. 

so be confident! managers are looking for a good employee to fit the job, and you’re looking for a job that’s a good fit for you. jobs and grad programs are big investments and you want to be sure you have all the information before you apply. be sure to seek out those opportunities that feel right, not just the ones that pay the highest or have the most prestige. 

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Charmed 03 x 13 SPOILER REVIEW!!!!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

Okay it's Saturday, but that episode felt like too much emotionally. They better not make this a Kat moment with Jordan and not bring my man back because I will riot. Overall this was an emotionally heavy episode entertainment wise it was a solid 8/10. But overall kind of frustrating for me for a number of reasons which I will go into in my dislikes section.

DISLIKES

1) Stop Torturing Black Male Characters!!! Also they really had Jordan pull a Galvin.

Now, just as I did with Galvin season 1. I take issue with the whole leaving right when the gal is the most emotionally attached. It’s really cruel of the writers. With both Jordan and Galvin, I can see how the events they went through would have them needing a moment. I do. Unlike with Galvin, I feel it was totally unwarranted with Jordan. I mean to say that Galvin up until the event that caused his trauma, hadn’t really been that involved in the magical world or faced anything that scary. So I can totally see how what happened caused a break without putting him through the wringer continually. I just feel that this event shouldn’t be the breaking point. What I mean by that is that the writers shouldn’t have done it. Not that Jordan shouldn’t have felt the way he did. I would have preferred him taking a break before having to deal with the tomb. In some ways, this felt like a Detective Morris moment (Torture the mortal black man until he breaks and can’t take it) more than it did with Galvin and I always hated how the writers treated Darryl. I think its because of the fact Jordan has been thrown into one crisis to another (my man has almost died multiple times) continually. I love Jordan and because we’ve seen him so much outside of a romance arch (unlike Galvin) I’ve grown attached and I hate to see him so beaten down that he has to leave. I think he would have been valid and in character for him to need time for himself before the tomb. I don’t think they should have put him through it to send him away. Well I have hope he will be back soon so I am not going to fret, but I can still say my piece over the unnecessary torture of POC characters. 

Though if they replace Jordan screen time with Antonio screen time I will freak out because that would be wrong y’all. I’m not talking about shipping wise! It would just be a real misstep if they “replace” screen time devoted to a black man to a light skinned Latino. Colorism is real y’all and I get enough of it in my novelas, don’t need it in Charmed anymore than it has appeared in the past.

2) Are we done with showing Abby’s abuse now?

If there is one thing I hate it is showing abuse on screen. I hate seeing it, I find it triggering as someone whose sibling was thrown in the trunk of a car while the adults laughed. I don’t think abuse justifies Abby’s actions either, in that showing how she was abused doesn’t make me dislike her past actions any less. Nothing will change my mind on those. Same with hearing Abby’s good intentions behind her good deeds. 

Listen, I don’t think Abby is all bad. But villainous actions are still villainous. She has done some good and it wasn’t all selfish, but that doesn’t mean the heinous stuff she did was any less heinous. Whatever the writers choose to do with Abby, as long as they have her put the work into redeeming herself, then I’m cool. they seem to want to do that with her and have started her on that journey. So we shall see if they pull it off. 

3) They really giving the Bisexual the unrequited love twice over

This show isn’t good to the LBGTQ+ community like it likes to make itself out to be. I don’t think Abby’s interest in Mel is a threat to the Ruby x Mel thing since last episode they seemed to seal Mel and Ruby as a solid couple at least for now. But I don’t think we need competing queer ships. I felt the mess that was melko versus jada x mel, was unnecessary and I don’t want to see a repeat. At the same time I think it is awful to sort of give the bisexual character the crappiest luck when it comes to being rejected twice. Technically, Mel hasn’t outright rejected her, but not bringing it up is like the nice way of rejecting her and letting her keep some sense of dignity after having her secrets violated.

4) This episode was really the Abby show in a lot of ways.

While there were interesting developments and reveals (by which I mean obvious, but welcomed ones), this episode was basically for the Abby lovers and in a way the Abby haters to convince them that they are wrong about her. And I just didn’t need it. I don’t think Abby haters will ever not hate her and I think dedicating an entire episode to defending her only fuels them further. I think they should have further explored Abby’s past and issues in small doses spread out through this season. I don’t want to be told she is redeemable, I want to come to that conclusion on my own by watching her behavior.  I think the show always messes up when it comes to developing concepts over time. Abby has been a series of missteps from the writers in my opinion, but I think with this episode they are trying to come back from those, but I think it wasn’t done as well as it could have been and the way they did it may only further the whole Abby hate train, not take away from it. 

LIKES

1) We finally doing the whole Perfecti are the big bads

You all know that my biggest issue with Charmed in it’s previous seasons is always the bait and switch with villans. I hope, since we are 13 episodes in and it has been pretty obvious that the Perfecti are going to be a big problem, that the rest of the season will be dedicated to taking them down and dealing with any trouble they cause. technically they haven’t been around long, but I hope that the writers focus down on this now and we don’t get anymore bait and switches saved for the last two episodes. I like these guys as the bad guys it’s a classic storyline and I am not against the classics. 

2) Teaser for more Celeste

Now I know lots of people felt like she would be the big bad and all elders are scum kinda of stuff. And I mean there is still time and we may get baited and switched again this season. But I actually like Celeste. I didn’t at first because I generally don’t trust older white females who ignore consent because their intentions are good. But I like having a remnant of elder knowledge around. I thought she was dead, because the last time we saw her Mel suggested that by taking the time thing she would start to age rapidly. But whatever! I choose to ignore it if the writers are choosing to ignore it. 

I still don’t feel that Harry’s need to be mortal is pressing. It should take a backseat to the bigger issues at hand in my opinion, but I won’t say no to seeing what knowledge Celeste has having been the one to create Whitelighters. 

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

Perfecti think Abby is chaoatic and think Jordan is guilty by association

Abby accepting her fate and just saying well sucks for Jordan

Macy’s “ If she wants hostile...”

“Even in a tomb built before the dawn of time a black man still gets imprisoned for something he didn’t do”

Abby’s feelings for Mel confirmed in a violation of her privacy via truth serum

Abby’s mother’s testimony

Abby saying she will give Macy’s powers back

Jordan leaving to recuperate his mental health