#but merlin has to have serious self introspection to admit that he was wrong

[tiodolma]

You know that moodboard you reblogged of Merlin and Morgana not being able to sleep? You know what occurred to me?

I'm thinking of season 3. These two with their love/hate thing and UST going on and their fights about evil plans, and you know... What if in one of those heating discussions, Morgana accidentally blurts out that she felt something and a lot of things for Merlin before the poisoning fiasco and then Merlin admitting the same.

And like both are in their minds... 😳 Oh, crap, what did I just said? So, both flee from each other, because this isn't good at all and neither can now sleep because of the whole situation. 😂😂

..... ok meta time

I think morgana has been honest enough even in s3 though (heck through s4-s5). Merlin is the more guarded one.

Based on Colin Morgan’s interpretation in many interviews, Merlin was the one who was self-aware enough that he loved her and deeply cared for her at some point. The show confirms that sort of acting decision coz he’s also always revealing his true feelings for her in front of kilgharrah and gaius. (plus the other character/actors have talked about it)

Meanwhile Katie Mcgrath doesn’t characterize Morgana in that way: that Morgana was self-aware enough that she loved him. I am of the opinion that Morgana was still on her way to falling in love with him when Fires of IDirsholas happened. All we know is that she deeply feels for him to the point where even Morgause didn't seem to know the whole depth of her feelings. KM insists that Morgana only wanted Merlin’s honesty and trust. We can see it In the show. Morgana had always told Merlin what she felt about him.

So if there was one who should admit their feelings then it should be Merlin.

Morgana already laid out everything she felt for him from S1-S3: “you are the actual hero here!” “I am your friend” "i don't feel so alone here," "i trust merlin” "you’re a good friend” “i have magic, merlin” “I now know what i am”. “i am afraid merlin” “i get that you only wanted to protect your friends” “i am upset that i was poisoned and you hurt me” “why should i care about people who dont care about me?” “Uther hates me and everyone like me” “you dont know how it is be be an outsider” “i thought we were friends then why are you against me if you understand me like what you claimed” “how can you hope to understand” “i dont really get you.” “Make me understand, merlin” "you're just a pathetic lowly serving boy to me," "you're a thorn in my side," "you condemned me to live in this poor state."

Meanwhile merlin is always like "i care for her", "i trust her," "she should be told that magic can be a force for good and it can be a gift" "she has a good heart," "she’s my friend," "i know her," "i feel sad for her," "she’s undergoing a hard time," "i understand her most of all," "i shouldnt have trusted her," "i dont wanna be bitter, angry and so full of hate like her," "i will never be like her," "i thought we were the same”

---but he says these only To the dragon and Gaius.

See how they contrast? With regards to to his feelings for Morgana, Merlin is only honest to his bosses, meanwhile Morgana is honest of her feelings for Merlin towards Merlin himself.

Merlin and Morgana were never meeting/fighting on the same ground.

It's honestly heartbreaking, especially since Merlin never holds back on saying the same wonderful words of affirmation to Arthur, to Gwen, to the Knights, to Freya, to literally everybody else.. but he could never say them to Morgana's face.

btw saying only "i understand" and not much else sometimes isn't enough anymore.

....

I honestly do not know what else Morgana could say that will push Merlin to honesty. I think she might as well strip herself naked and he still wouldn't give in (and s4 showed us that he can and will use that kind of weakness against her. he already used her nightmares against her after all).

All I’m saying is that Morgana had always been so so so vulnerable and raw in front of him. Normally that would give an opening to the other person to let down their guard and rely on her. (see agravaine, helios, aithusa, mordred)

But Merlin never did that. He had so many chances to tell her the truth and be vulnerable himself but he never allowed himself that kind of right in front of her. We know that he desperately wanted to but he couldn't because had been repeatedly and ceaselessly warned/conditioned/brainwashed/manipulated that it was the worst idea, that going against his job orders will have consequences.

.....

But as they are in s3? where they are just free to pursue whatever goals they have independent of each other... with how radicalized and extremist they both already are? With how Merlin has already lost at least 4 loved ones for the sake of protecting camelot and destiny (sunken cost fallacy and all that)? nah. I can't see him being honest to anyone, especially enemies who have done and said things he morally detests, anymore.

Personally i think the only way for merlin to finally tell her his truth is to trap both them in some situation where they have to work together, or where morgana’s magic isnt enough , or where they both have no magic, or where the have joint responsibility of another life. THEY HAVE TO BE TRAPPED. TRAP THEM TOGETHER.