#but maybe this is a case where i do have to be a grown up and ask for her preference despite not wanting to do that

[puckinghischier]

Falling

Nico Hischier x fem!reader

summary: reader gets hurt and nico is worried about her

notes: y’all i ain’t gonna lie, i went through a bit of a rollercoaster while writing this. i loved it at first, then halfway through started hating it, then somehow started loving it again towards the end. so if it seems a little all over place i’m sorry. also i know very little about how a dislocated shoulder works, so just pretended i didn’t if i got anything wrong. i hope y’all enjoy it!! happy reading!! 🫶🏼

request: from my 400 follower celly - “A hears that B got hurt and rushes over in a panic to see if they are okay” where reader maybe gets in an accident or gets hurt in their sport (nothing major). Bonus points if you add “I can braid your hair for you- I mean, only if you want.”

[4.5k]

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine. Nothing’s broken, just a nasty dislocation,” you attempt to calm your mother’s nerves, trying to unlock your apartment door with your good arm while balancing your phone between your cheek and shoulder. “They reset it for me and told me to follow up with my primary care on Monday. Gave me some pain meds and sent me on my way.”

“Well, what about until then? What if you need help? What about work? How will you drive?” she rapid fires questions at you.

“I’ll figure it out, don’t worry. Since it was a work-related injury, I’ll still get paid. And they’re paying all of the medical bills, so that’s all taken care of,” you make your way into your apartment, shutting the door with your foot behind you. “Everything else I’ll handle as it comes.”

She doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer, tsking into her phone, making you picture her trademark displeased headshake.

“What about Nico? Why don’t you stay with him until you’re back to 100%? I’m sure he’d be willing to help out,” she suggests, her tone switching from worried to suggestive.

You roll your eyes, knowing exactly where this conversation is headed.

“Mom, how many times do I have to tell you, Nico and I are just friends. We work together. Just because you think you saw him look at me a certain way when you were visiting doesn’t mean I have to call him every time something goes wrong,” you tell her, placing your bag on your kitchen table.

Ever since your mom came in a few months ago to visit, she’s been on your case about making a move on Nico, it all starting when she witnessed Nico helping you across the ice during a pre-game practice while trying to get some action shots.

You work as a photographer for the Devils, not realizing that being able to ice skate would have been a nice addition to your resume.

Your college advisor arranged the interview for you right before graduation. You had no previous knowledge of hockey, having come from a football family. You told your advisor this, but she insisted you didn’t have to know anything about a sport to be able to take good pictures of it.

During the interview, you made sure to inform your now boss that you didn’t know how to skate, hoping it wouldn’t be a problem. He assured you that you could take pictures from the stands or the players bench, the chance of you having to step onto the ice slim.

For the first few months of your job, it was smooth sailing. You were mostly taking pictures from the camera holes in the glass or being told to cover locker room and arrival pictures. You worked with one other photographer, a seasoned sports photography veteran named Phil. Phil was a New Jersey native, having grown up skating, so he took over the duties of any major action shots the director wanted from on the ice.

Unfortunately for you, Phil’s wife had convinced him to retire early, losing his help right before the league’s short Christmas break.

Seeing as they had just hired you, and it was the middle of the season, the hunt for a replacement for Phil was put on the backburner, more important team matters taking precedence.

You were forced to take over Phil’s duties, meaning you were now responsible for any on the ice shots. You had found a way to slowly scoot across the perimeter of the rink, staying out of the way while also getting the shots you needed.

Your system was working well until the morning of a gameday, getting permission from your boss to bring your mother along, wanting to show her all aspects of your job.

For this particular game, the players were especially focused on practicing their skills and running drills during morning skate. You were doing your typical shuffle while clutching the edge of the waist-high wall when someone came zooming past you, causing your feet to start sliding uncontrollably, not being able to find your footing on the slick ice.

You felt the moment you were about to fall, waiting for the impact of your butt on the cold ice, but it never came. You felt yourself fall into a body covered by plastic pads, gloved hands shooting out to grab your upper arms.

You looked up, seeing Nico smiling down at you in amusement.

“It’s a bit slippery out here, huh?” he jokes, making sure you’re standing steady on your feet before letting go of you.

“Well, we are standing on ice, so….” You trail off, grabbing onto the wooden ledge again, preventing another near fall.

Nico laughs, looking down and shuffling his skates back and forth.

“Well would you look at that? We are on ice ” He flashes a smile, looking back up at you.

You stick your tongue out at him, earning another chuckle from the team’s Captain.

“You know, most people use these great things called ice skates when they try to walk on ice,” he tells you, lifting one skate up for emphasis.

Rolling your eyes, you scoff out a “Oh wow, why didn’t I ever think of that?”

“Just some food for thought,” Nico shrugged as he placed his foot back down on the ice, skating in a little circle, as if to say “See, told you so.”

You let go of the ledge to cross your arms, forgetting that you needed the stability. When you try to shift your weight from one leg to the other, you lose your footing again, this time falling forward into Nico. You let the camera in your hands fall, grabbing onto his biceps to stay upright, thankful for the camera strap around your neck.

His hands shoot out to grab your forearms.

“You know the sad thing is, even with the skates, I’d still be as clumsy, considering I have absolutely no idea how to use them,” you tell him, the two of you still holding on to one another.

Nico shakes his head at you, placing one of your hands on his forearm, moving you from in front of him to beside of him.

He starts slowly skating towards the bench while you shuffle your feet along, putting all of your focus on keeping yourself upright until you reach your destination.

When you finally reach the bench, you step off of the ice and let out a breath of relief.

“Thanks, Cap. Would’ve hated to make a fool of myself out there while my mom’s watching,” you thank him, looking over to where your mom sits, a smile on her face.

Nico follows your gaze and waves to your mom, matching her smile.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that now, would we? What if she found out her daughter was a skating fraud?” he teases, leaning in to whisper the last two words.

“It’s her fault for never taking me to the rink my town would throw up once a year at Christmas. Who knows, maybe I would’ve been a skating prodigy if given the chance,” you shrug.

A mischievous smile makes its way onto his face. “I think we should put that theory to the test,” he tells you, causing your eyes to latch onto his.

“Come again?” You raise your eyebrows and tilt your chin down.

“I mean, I can’t have some photographer out on my ice during practices that can’t even stand up,” he keeps his tone light, making sure you know he’s just teasing, “So, I’m going to teach you how to skate, and see if you really would have been a skating prodigy.”

He skates off, winking before resuming his practice.

You don’t have a chance to speak to him again until after the game, when you get at text from an unknown number reading “Rink, tomorrow, 2pm. I’ll bring skates, just bring your prodigy skills.”

After that, you meet with Nico twice a week for skating lessons.

The two of you quickly form a friendship, Nico bringing you coffee on gamedays and you slipping him snacks on the bench during games. You even started inviting him over for dinner after your lessons, insisting the least you can do is feed him to repay him for preventing you from making a fool of yourself on the ice.

Today, however, you did make a fool of yourself on the ice.

You were standing behind the net, telling the players to skate towards you so you could get some shots for the team’s Instagram account by request of the social media manager.

Once you were pleased with the amount of shots you had gotten, you left your spot from behind the net, skating slowly towards the benches, still a little wobbly on your skates.

You were looking down at your camera, thinking of how you’ll have to get Nico out here after the game to get some shots, knowing he’s currently doing pre-game interviews in the locker room.

You weren’t paying the slightest bit of attention to the pucks littering the ice in front of you, skating right into one and losing your balance, holding your camera up with one arm while trying to catch yourself with the other.

You felt the way your shoulder shifted, crying out in pain as players turned and started rushing towards you on the ice.

The team doctor came out and told you he was pretty sure your shoulder was simply dislocated, but sent you to the hospital to make sure nothing’s broken.

The ER doctor confirmed your diagnosis, putting your shoulder back into place before pumping you full of pain meds and placing your arm into a sling.

Which leads you to where you are now, back at your apartment, explaining to your mother why Nico can’t be at your beck and call.

“Honey, when are you going to realize that boy is in love with you? I’m telling you, the way I saw him look at you that day I came to visit, the skating lessons and dinners,” she starts, giving you her typical speech when you tell her Nico is just a friend.

“Mom, it doesn’t matter what you think you saw, we’re seriously just friends. And he’s busy, his schedule is too hectic to spend his time babysitting me,” you interrupt her, not wanting to hear her Nico speech for the thousandth time, regretting ever telling her about the skating lessons.

She sighs into the phone.

“I’m just trying to help you, you know…” you hear your mother start, but you tune the rest of her words out, focusing on the three loud knocks on your front door.

Your head turns to your door, the unexpected noise causing you to jump, the sudden motion tipping your bag over, the contents spilling all of your kitchen floor.

“Honey, are you alright? What was that?” your mom halts her one-sided conversation, worry in her tone.

“Shit!” you exclaim, watching the container of memory cards fly open, the small squares sliding across the linoleum floor.

You forget about the sling on your arm, crouching down and trying to reach for the cards with your bad arm, a searing pain shooting through your shoulder at the movement.

Letting out a loud yelp, you bring your arm back to its resting positing in the sling.

“Y/N, what’s going on? Did you hurt yourself?” you barely hear your mother’s voice through the phone speaker, not being able to think about anything other than the throbbing pain in your shoulder.

You hear three more pounds on your front door, this time a voice following the knocks.

“Y/N! Open up!”

You groan, trying to stand up, too many people trying to get your attention at the moment.

“Honey, talk to me. Is someone in there with you? I heard another voice,” your mother asks you as you stand, making your way over towards your front door.

“Someone’s knocking on the door,” you grit through your teeth, trying to think about anything but the pain in your shoulder. “I dropped my bag and tried to pick something up with my bad arm. I’m fine. Just hurts,” you tell her, opening your door to see a frantic Nico standing there.

His wide eyes scan your body, stopping once they see the sling on your arm.

You notice his wet hair and lack of socks on his tennis shoe covered feet.

“Are you okay? They told me you had to be taken to the hospital before the game started, but no one knew what really happened,” he rushed out, looking up at your face.

“Hey, Mom, gotta go, Nico’s at my door,” you tell her, a little stunned that the object of your conversation just appeared, hanging up the phone before she could make any comments about it.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?” you ask him, pointing towards his feet, an amused smile on your face. The shock of seeing him at your door making you completely forget about the pain in your shoulder.

Nico looks down at his own feet, looking back up at you with red cheeks.

“Oh, uh, I couldn’t find my socks after the game and i couldn’t get you to answer your phone, so I rushed over to the hospital to see if you were still there, and they told me you left about an hour ago, so I hopped in my car and came over here to make sure you were okay,” he tells you, not meeting your eye.

You’re shocked at his confession, not expecting him to be so concerned about your impromptu trip to the hospital.

“Well, I’m here and still standing,” you awkwardly stand in your doorway, not knowing what else to say, thinking about how if you weren’t arguing with your mom over Nico on the phone, you might have gotten his calls.

“Yeah, I see that now,” he shoves his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

The two of you stand there, not really knowing what to say to one another.

“Do you want to come in?” you ask him, moving out of the doorway to let him step into your apartment.

Nico shakes his head yes and walks past you, looking towards the mess on the floor in your kitchen.

“What happened here? Is this the crash I heard?” he asks you.

“Yeah, the bag fell and spilled everything. When I went to pick it up, I forgot and used my bad shoulder,” you gesture to your slinged arm.

Nico shakes his head at you, crouching down to pick up the camera disks all over the floor.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to-“

“Well you’re sure as hell not trying to pick them up again,” Nico interrupts you, standing and placing the now full box of disks on your table.

You roll your eyes at him, walking over towards your fridge.

“So, what exactly happened? Jack told me you hurt your shoulder?” he follows you over to your fridge, watching you scan its contents, or lack thereof.

“Well, I was looking at my camera and skated right into a bunch of pucks on the floor, then was too focused on saving the equipment instead of remembering how to fall properly,” you told him, remembering his words during your first skate lesson, telling you not to catch yourself if you fall on the ice.

“See, I told you to just let yourself fall. Never try to catch yourself,” he echoes his words in your thoughts.

“Yeah, well, it’s a lot easier said than done,” you deadpan, shutting your fridge door and looking at Nico.

Your stomach growls at that exact moment, making you groan at your lack of food in your fridge, not having eaten since before your accident.

“When was the last time you ate anything?” Nico asks you, looking down at your growling stomach.

“Uhhh, breakfast?” you recall.

Nico’s eyes widen. “It’s almost midnight. Did they really not feed you at the hospital?” he asks you.

“Considering they were busy doing x-rays and scans to make sure nothing was broken or torn, no,” you walk over to your cabinets, finding them also bare.

“Alright, go sit down and I’ll order us something to eat,” Nico shoos you out of the kitchen, walking over and opening the drawer where you keep all of your takeout menus.

You wonder how he knows where your menus are, forgetting for a moment that he’s over at your apartment at least twice a week after your skating lessons. Sometimes more, the occasional movie night making its way into your weekly routine.

“What do you want? Sushi? Chinese? Burgers?” he questions, flipping through your menus.

For some reason, your brain chooses this moment to register how much you enjoy the sight of Nico in your kitchen, looking through your takeout menus and offering to order you dinner.

You think back to all the times he’s helped you make dinner, laughter filling every moment of your time together. You think about how he always wear his pjs when he comes over for a movie night, bringing a different chocolate candy to put in the popcorn each time. You think about how he somehow learned your coffee order without you ever telling him, bringing you a coffee every morning, even at away games.

You think about your mother’s words, and how you didn’t even have to ask Nico to come over tonight, or to give you skating lessons. You think about how you never have to ask Nico to do anything he does for you – which is a lot, you’re realizing – he just does it. He does it because he wants to, because he’s kind and caring and wants to spend time with you.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N, what do you want for dinner?” Nico snaps you out of your sudden revelation.

“Sorry, spaced out for a second. Must be the pain meds,” you tell him, knowing that your mind isn’t the least bit impaired right now.

“Okay, go sit down, we need to get some food in you then,” he fishes his phone out of his pocket, mumbling out “Can’t believe they pumped you full of meds on an empty stomach.”

You make your way to your couch, sitting down and taking your shoes off, making yourself as comfortable as you can.

You remove a stray piece of hair that fell onto your face, knowing how awful it must look.

When you fell on the ice, the claw clip that was holding your hair in its up-do broke, causing it to fan out over the cold, wet ice. Once you got to the hospital, you were put in and out of so many different machines, you can only imagine the tangled, matted mess it is.

You get up and go to your bathroom, finding your brush and trying to comb it out. The task proving to be difficult with only one hand. The tangles keep pulling your head back and hurting your tender scalp, but you keep trying, whimpering each time the brush gets stuck on a particularly bad tangle.

You don’t even hear Nico approach your bathroom, just a sigh and “I told you to sit down,” before the brush is taken from your hand and you see Nico’s reflection behind you in the mirror.

Without another word, he proceeds to brush your hair for you, ensuring every tangle is gone before setting the brush on your sink.

The two of you make eye contact in the mirror, neither one wanting to break the silence during the surprisingly intimate moment.

You clear your throat, looking down after the silence got too intense, causing Nico to avert his eyes as well.

“I really wish i could wash my hair, but i know that’s a no go tonight,” you chuckle, wishing your bathroom was a little bit bigger in this moment.

“I can braid your hair for you,” Nico starts, staring at you in the mirror, watching your eyes snap up to meet his. “I mean, only if you want,” he stutters out.

“Really?” you ask him, a little stunned.

“Yeah. I used to help Nina with hers all the time when I was younger,” Nico mentions his older sister, grabbing your hair lightly and starting to section it off. “Anytime she would have a sleep over I would always weasel my way into the party. So one day, she made me sit in a braiding chain and learn how to braid her hair.”

You let out a giggle, picturing a smaller version of Nico sitting at the end of a line of girls, braiding their long hair.

“Then, Nina claimed I got so good at it she always wanted me to braid her hair before her volleyball matches, then her friends all started wanting me to do theirs, too,” he continues talking, nearly lulling you to sleep with the soft movements of his hands as you listen to him speak.

“I think that’s adorable,” you quietly speak, closing your eyes.

“What can I say? When a pretty girl needs her hair braided, who am I to keep my skills to myself?” he jokes, making you wonder if he meant you or his sister’s friends.

“I’m sure it’s any little boy’s dream to have an entire volleyball team at his mercy, all those pretty volleyball players begging him to play with their hair,” you tease him, handing him the hair tie that you always keep on your wrist.

“I don’t know, I think playing with a pretty photographer’s hair is better, if you ask me,” he ties the hair tie around the bottom of the braid, reaching up to pull the braid loose, making sure it’s not too tight.

You keep your eyes closed, knowing he can likely see the redness on your cheeks at his words.

“Alright, eyes open. Need to make sure you like my work,” he places his hand on your biceps, making sure to keep his touch feather light on your bad arm.

He turns you around so you’re facing him, holding a handheld mirror that was laying on your sink in front of your face, allowing you to see the reflection of the braid.

You’re shocked to see the flawless Dutch braid that cascades down your back.

“Nico, you’re like…really good at this,” you reach your good hand to the back of your head, running it down the braid.

“Told you, I had a lot of practice,” he shrugs, setting the mirror down.

You yawn, the relaxing nature of having your hair braided allowing you to realize how tired you are from the day’s events.

“Nuh-uh, gotta keep you awake until we get some food in you,” he tuts, taking his hands and patting your cheeks.

You groan, leaning into his palms that stay resting on your face.

“C’mon, let’s get you changed and on the couch,” he motions for you to leave the bathroom.

You walk to your room, Nico helping you carefully remove your sling before leaving and giving you some privacy.

You change into your pajamas, somehow managing to get your arm into an oversized Devils shirt you found at the bottom of your drawer.

Nico is standing outside of your door when you open it, helping you back into your sling.

He stands in front of you, staring at you with a look that you can’t decipher.

“Is…everything okay?” you question him, noticing his stare after adjusting your sling.

His eyes snap up to you, seemingly unaware that he was even staring at you in the first place.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I just- is that my shirt?” he asks you, pointing to your pj shirt.

You look down at the oversized shirt, trying to think of where you got it.

It had just showed up in your laundry basket one day, assuming it was one they gave you when you got your job, but Nico’s question makes you think harder.

You realize, suddenly, you do remember where you got it.

During one of your post lesson dinners, Nico had spilled his drink all over his shirt. You offered to wash it for him after he changed to a shirt in his duffel.

You meant to take it back to him after you washed it, but forgot about it entirely, packing it away in your pajama drawer.

“Oh, crap, it is. Do you want it back, I can go change?” you ask him, worried he’s upset that you forgot to give it back.

“No…no it’s fine. Keep it. I have plenty,” he shakes his head, glancing down at it once more.

The two of you make your way to your couch, finding something to watch on tv when there’s a knock on the door, signaling the arrival of your food.

You start to stand to go get it, but Nico sternly tells you to stay put.

Rolling your eyes you sit back down, grabbing the remote and continuing to channel surf.

Nico’s gone for longer than you expect, causing you to sit up and turn back towards your kitchen, wondering what’s taking him so long.

You see him walking over to you, a tray full of food in his hands.

He had ordered from your favorite sushi place, figuring it would be the easiest for you to eat one handed.

As he sat down the tray on the coffee table in front of you, you realized what took him so long.

Nico had put a toothpick in each piece of your sushi, knowing using chopsticks with your non dominant hand would have been hard for you. He poured soy sauce into a small container, allowing you to simply pick up each toothpick and dip it in the sauce before popping it in your mouth.

He had also ordered you a bottle of cherry coke, which he knew was your favorite, and placed it on the tray with the lid unscrewed and a straw peeking out of the bottle next to a glass of ice, just incase you wanted it that way instead.

You looked up at him, feeling that funny feeling in your chest like you did earlier in your kitchen, blown away at how he always seems to think of everything he can to help you out, even when you’re not injured.

You must’ve been looking for longer than you realized, because he cocks his head at you, confusion present on his face.

“What?” he asks, not understanding what’s wrong. “Did you not want sushi? I thought you said it was always the one thing that could cheer you up?”

You shake your head at him. “No, sushi is perfect,” you tell him, a small smile on your face as you look up at him.

He smiles back for a few moments, then started scooting the coffee table towards you so don’t have to reach to grab your food. He moves around the table to sit beside of you, the size of the small table causing him to sit so close to you that you can feel the warmness of his large thigh against yours.

You once again think about all of the things he’s done for you without you even having to ask. Now including coming over after a game—no doubt exhausted and sore—and taking care of you without even thinking twice. Braiding your hair and calling you pretty. Staring at you unintentionally wearing his t-shirt. Modifying your food so it’s easier for you to eat with one hand.

You sit there, staring at the man you fear you’re falling in love with, already planning out the apology text you’re going to have to send your mom.

[jokeroutsubs]

🎈🍰Nace Birthday Special🍰🎈 ENG SUB: JokerOutSubs x RADIOaktivno collab: 'Demoni' Album Presentation

Audio + CC link: https://youtu.be/4plC7TteUGw

We are once again very happy to have been able to collaborate with Boštjan Najžar from RADIOaktivno podcast (Facebook, YouTube), with whom we already worked for 'Umazane misli' subtitles. He very kindly reuploaded the deleted Demoni album presentation video on YouTube and we were able to provide subtitles for it!

Below you can find the transcription of our translation of the interview, which originally aired on 23.11.2021, on Radio Prlek/RADIOAktivno YouTube channel.

Cr: Translation by drumbeat, @varianestoroff, and another member of JOS. Proof read by TWT klamstrakur, Anastasia and @flowerlotus8

Transcript 👇

Everyone: We are Joker Out.

Bojan: And you're listening to Radioaktivno.

Host: 'Katrina' by Joker Out, all the members are with me today on Radioaktivno. New member Nace, Kris, Jure, Bojan and Jan. Hi!

Nace: Hello!

Kris: Hi, greetings.

Jure: Hi, hi.

Bojan: Good morning.

Jan: Same… also from me.

Well, even though it's already evening, I see your days are short or they turn immediately into mornings.

Jan: Yes, we usually wake up at 8pm, and stay awake for two days, and then we go to sleep.

Isn't 8pm already the end of the day, or is that when the soundchecks are over?

Bojan: We basically call it vampire rotation. So… We skip the soundchecks and then, when we wake up, we get out of our coffins and go straight to the stage.

So you don't like the light?

Bojan: No, we're not really comfortable with light, yes. Sunglasses are mandatory.

Kris: That's why we live in Ljubljana, where it's never really bright anyway.

I disagree. I was looking at some photos today, and when the sun was out over there, here it was still foggy.

Kris: See, that is why we are here today.

Bojan: Well said.

'Katrina'

Jure, we started with 'Katrina', with the single that launched your new album.

Jure: Yes, it's true. 'Katrina' is the first single we released at the end of August, before the album was out. What can I say? We also made a video for it with Mark Pirc.

Bojan: Maybe the most energetic, or one of the more energetic songs on the album. It kinda feels like this album is maybe a bit calmer compared to the first one, or more oriented towards, how should I say, yes, frustrating, restless moments. So 'Katrina' is, and let's say, 'Ne bi smel', which we will hear later, kind of represent the high point in terms of rythm, we think.

Today we also have in our company a new band member, Nace. How did you integrate into the band after a few weeks?

Nace: I will say, musically, I never doubted it, but as mates, or, rather, band-mates, we've been slowly growing into a little family, I think. We've spent quite a bit of time together now, in the span of a month, and I have to say, they've grown on me so much, like, yes, a family, right?

Have you passed all the tests, taken all the exams?

Nace: I mean, I had the last one yesterday, but, I have to say, that I didn't quite get an A, right?

Kris: And what was that test?

Nace: Well, about the history of Joker Out.

Kris: Oh, yes.

Nace: So I learned something new as well alongside the mistakes, right? But I've still got time.

I see though you have integrated into the band well, you've already got your sunglasses on.

Nace: It was a must-have, right away, as Bojan called me at the time, he said, "Do you have (sun)glasses?" I said, "I do". And that was it and he said, "I think we've found the one."

Bojan, do you have difficult admissions exams, then?

Bojan: Well, I wouldn't say we have difficult admissions exams. Rather for the reason that there are practically no admissions exams, the same thing happened with Jure and Nace. Basically, when we kind of said, we want him, it was more based on this energy that they were radiating, not so much just on musicality, or whatever you want to call it. And in both cases we made the right decision. Now, I believe that we are done deciding.

The next one will be 'Ne bi smel'.

'Ne bi smel'

Jan: Yes, 'Ne bi smel' is a song that we "should have" written, and it's actually, along with 'Katrina', quite a bit, it's the second most most energetic one. I think we had, I mean that Bojan, had maybe the most trouble with the writing of its lyrics, but…

Bojan: The most and the least trouble simultaneously.

Jan: Yes.

Jure: But I think the least work we had was with the instrumental, it got put together really quickly.

Bojan: This song is, well, good thing Jan took the microphone, because I wrote the lyrics for 'Ne bi smel' practically as they are today, crossed them out completely and Jan came into the rehersal space very upset and said to me, that I had to go back to the old lyrics, and I'm really…

Jan: You shouldn't have changed it.

Bojan: Yes, but I didn't know how else to…. So, yes, well, that song was just a big frustration for me, actually, because I've changed the lyrics so many times and ended up going back to the first version. But yes, enjoy.

'Ne bi smel' and Joker Out with their album 'Demoni' on Radioaktivno. Fresh from 'Umazane misli', you've released a new album.

Bojan: Yes, our ghostwriter was really diligent, so we were able to get the new material out very quickly. No, actually, we can't believe it ourselves how quickly the second album came to be. Especially because the first album was quite a torturous process, at least in the finishing touches, when it came to mixing, and we all thought that we got tired of making music and that there wouldn't be an album at least for a while. Then we really reached a moment when…

Jure: You know what happened? We set up the rehersal space.

Bojan: Yes.

Jure: And we announced Križanke, and then we were like, "Okay, now what? Maybe we need to go to Križanke…" Yes, we announced Križanke earlier than we started the album.

Kris: We sold it out before we started the album.

Jure: Yes, well, that too. We went to Križanke and we said, yes, well, we gotta release a new album, right, for Križanke.

Jan: But we've also sold it out promising this… the debut of a new album that hasn't even been made yet.

Jure: Yes, yes, we haven't done anything yet!

Bojan: When it hadn't even been planned yet.

Jan: Not one song, nothing.

Bojan: Nothing. We were like, "Hey, ten really sick songs, that for now don't exist yet, but we'll handle this later ."

But then these songs were created very quickly, because Križanke was in September of this year?

Kris: Yes, they were created quickly. I mean, if we're being completely honest, some have been in the making, even when we were making the first album, because, you know, you can't frustrate yourself with only ten songs, that you've been twisting for two and a half years, and Bojan in particular and I have written a few songs in between, or outlines. Then we built from that, when we started, the first draft. For the first draft.

Bojan: A first draft and an outline.

Kris: Right, a first outline.

Which means that things have been happening very fast for you lately?

Kris: Yes, things are moving quite fast, maybe, maybe even too fast for some. [someone gasps dramatically and Kris laughs] No, but in my opinion, we're all excited about it, and we're basically happy that everything can evolve so dynamically.

Can you all keep up?

Jure: I think so far yes, we have a great team around us, who really help us a lot. So, yes, we're keeping up with everything so far. A problem would arise if we didn't, right?

Bojan: And then we would break up. And in ten years' time we'll have a reunion and sell out some venues again and then break up again.

Jan: No, we must not disband now, because there's one Instagram page, a page called Joker.Out_nesmerazpadt [Joker.Out_ shouldnotbreakup]. So, let's not disappoint our fans.

Do you follow social networks well?

Jan: Yes, we must. Because, I mean, as someone who deals with social networks in the band, I feel like I spend a lot more time on my phone, doing whatever it is I'm actually doing, than making music. Which is a bit of a shame, but it's just how it is today, if the band itself promotes a brand of its own, its own image, you have to take care of the other things as well, that are not music.

Bojan: I think you should be grateful for all these references that you're going to be able to put to good use in PR and strategic management…

Jan: What, you mean if I wanted to get a job at Telekom?

Bojan: …when we break up and you'll be looking for a real job as a TikToker.

Someone: Manager.

'Plastika'

With the second one, we'll undergo surgery. It's time for 'Plastika'.

Bojan: Yes, 'Plastika' is a song that was written in the studio a few days before the album was released, basically. I didn't know what to write about, and there was an article in Delo about how 1/3 of Slovenian teenage girls want plastic surgery, and producer Žarko Pak looked at me from his chair and said, "Write a song about this." And I did.

Joker Out, 'Plastika', album 'Demoni' which we're playing today. You're not the luckiest with electricity. And if we connect this to Ormož.

Jure: Oh yes, yes, I mean, at our place we installed the wiring ourselves, so we're good electricians. But if the fuel runs out in the generator, it's not our fault, right.

Bojan: Yes, Ormož was such a lucky-unlucky situation, because we ran out of electricity during the concert, but luckily, that's the lucky part then, we were so, I would say, in the right mindset, that we went to stand on the speakers in front anyway, and sang and strummed on the acoustic guitar, until the power came back on, so it was actually one of those special little moments, and the flashlights and the lighters were on, you know, romance, people kissing, dancing, hugging, so, nice.

Does that mean you are also working on an acoustic repertoire?

Jure: Not yet.

Jan: Only in Ormož.

Jure: [laughing] Only in…

Bojan: Ormož special.

Jure: No, not yet, I think it's a bit early for acoustics. We'll do it later, in our old age, when we don't know what to do anymore.

As the older musicians say, when you go to their concerts, or like when you start playing around 5 or 7 PM at the latest.

Bojan: Yes, yes, that's it. Acoustic. Have a seat, and we'll be done at five.

Jure: Then let's go home and watch the news, you know, at seven.

Anyway, you have a lot going on right now, you sold out Križanke not long ago.

Kris: Križanke was just now, yes, actually, they seem… Even though it may be, we've been on holiday and I don't know, I think we did ten concerts in between, so Križanke seems like a long time ago. But now we're basically already heading to another bigger venue, Stožice, on October 6th, 2023. Yes, exclusively, exclusively for Radio Prlek. On the other hand, especially now with our latest single 'Demoni', we also have our eye on the Balkans and we're waiting to see if anything happens.

How do sold-out venues affect you?

Nace: I mean, I'm looking forward to Stožice for now, right, which I have no doubt will be sold out. So, anyway I don't know, I wasn't with them in Križanke, so I can't say that I've experienced it, but let's just say, that I look forward to everything that is coming.

Does this give you extra motivation to practice more?

Nace: I mean, if I may be a little cocky, I think I don't need to practice, right. But if you don't believe that, I recommend to come to a concert and listen to me play.

I see you have a good new member.

Bojan: Yes, yes.

Jure: Good at lyings, good at lying.

Bojan: Nace is a few years older than us, right, and he's…

Jan: Just by 30 years, right.

Bojan: 30 years older. …that he has quite a lot of experience. and he's a professional musician, so we're really just a bunch of amateurs compared to him, right, as far as practice is concerned, so I think, that Nace is quite right at this point, that if anybody needs a little bit of practice, it's us, and maybe me most of all, well, but let's move on.

Kris: To be completely honest, since being in the band Nace has requested to reherase the most. And even then we were like, "No, no, we don't need to", so… It's not entirely true, this facade that he's put up.

Nace, how much musical experience do you have, then? In which bands?

Nace: Me? I mean, oh… This question surprises me every time. I mean, with time, when you play so much you tend to forget people and I always find it hard to put a spotlight on people because I know, I will forget someone and I don't want for them… Well. What should I tell you?

Jan: About the cruise ship.

Nace: Oh, yes, as a fun fact, I can tell you that as an 18 year old I already went into the world, on a ship, on a cruise ship, to play where I spent half a year, I saw a bit of the world I came home and started to get a bit more involved in the Slovene music scene. So, maybe it's one of those things that most people have seen and I'm still a member of the 'Diamanti' band. RTV Slovenia programme 'Friday Evening'. And I was an accompanist for quite a lot of Slovene artists, I also recorded some things. So, I think that I've already left a mark, but it's far from final, and I think I will also leave one with the band, I'll bring something new to the band and show that… Who is, not who is Nace Jordan, but that I deserved this spot.

I almost heard, who is Nace Junkar?

Nace: You're not the first, well, but… as much… I'll say that Nace is a great person, right, as far as I got to know him, but I don't want to be mistaken for him. Jordan and Junkar, there is a slight difference

'Demoni'

The next one is 'Demoni'.

Jure: Oooh, little demons.

Bojan: Mhm.

Jure: The first one in Serbian. Bojan, I think it's best if you tell us more about it.

Bojan: Well, 'Demoni' is actually one of the first songs that I've written in Serbian in my life. The reason behind it was mostly or rather, let's say that the reason can be split into two parts. The first part is because we share the aspiration to go out of Slovenia's borders, to the Balkans, which are familiar to us. And the second part is that my roots are Serbian and I always wanted for my grandma to understand what I'm singing about because she always tells me "Yes, it's a lovely song," but if you don't understand it completely then it doesn't have that much meaning, right I've always wished for her to be able to understand so now she understands. Though she wasn't that excited about…

Jure: Right, she wasn't, I was just about to ask…

Bojan: No, that there're demons, it confused her. Why demons, is there something wrong with them, like that. But nothing is wrong, grandma, everything is all right. Everything is all right, grandma.

Demoni' from Joker Out on the Radioaktivno show. Exit was this year. A Serbian festival, world renowned, with a lot of people. Did you have fun there?

Kris: We had a lot of fun. Above all it was our first non Slovene concert experience for us. Before that we played in Poreč but more for Slovene students. So it was our first time introducing ourselves to the international crowd. And one might say that the majority of the crowd were Slovenians, but I was under the impression that a few foreigners were also impressed by our concert and that we left a mark, now we're hoping to be called back to Novi Sad because we had so much fun during those days when we were there.

Bojan (in Serbian): Brothers, call us, we would very much like to come back.

Have you then made a grand enough entrance through the doors to the Balkans?

Jan: Yes, we rang…

Bojan: With a club.

Jan: …with a hammer on the door. I don't know, I mean… I think that after a concert in Stožice the band that does it, also needs something new, something fresh. So, outside of Slovenian borders, there are many ears who want good music. So I think that Serbia is a great destination.

Nevertheless, the title of the album is after a song that is in the Serbian language.

Bojan: Well, that isn't that relevant. The title of the album was actually chosen because we thought that the word demons sums up all these elements we were surrounded with from Cvetličarna onward pretty well. Demons represent good responses bad responses, demons were sleepless nights, a lot of concerts, demons are the new songs that aren't made yet, demons were Križanke, that we sold out without having an album. Basically, a lot of demons were keeping us company we were each other's demons, because we were together all the time, maybe we were fed up with each other in some moments maybe we missed each other in some moments. So we really thought that this very short and clearly defined word that covers a broad spectrum of things that were happening to us. Not just negative but also positive, but yes.

Are you ever asked why Serbian and not English? Because the majority of artists create in English to break into the international market?

Jure: Well no, I think we aren't asked this much but I think that each one who starts working in English in Slovenia comes back to Slovene at the end.

Kris: We'll come to that. We have …

Jure: But yes.

Kris: We have a more long term tactic than most Balkan artists. First, go to the South, then through the South to the North, through the diaspora. So, first we have to conquer Serbians and Croats and all the others and so…

Bojan: and Bosnians and North Macedonia...

Kris: …and all the nationalities in between then we can go to whichever German, Swiss Austrian club to play.

Bojan: Well, no, you know what, being an author and wanting to stay authentic it's beneficial to stay in the language that suits your creative process and Serbian is my mother tongue which I think I expressed myself quite well in, right. Especially considering it's my first try. We'll see about English, I need more practice. I listened to an interview and I am pretty stiff... In English I mean.

Everyone: [laughter]

Practice makes perfect, they say.

Bojan: It wasn't planned. Yes, practice makes perfect.

Kris: You mean, have you listened to that interview yet?

Bojan: No, I haven't. I lied. But It's not like anyone can tell.

'Padam'

Next one is 'Padam'.

Kris: 'Padam' may be the first song that we envisioned for the new album to me it seemed that it defined the direction and vibe for the album very well. But when Bojan was playing it to us, it was very, very different. It was more suited to a band format than it is now. Do you remember?

Jure: Yes.

Kris: Yes, it had a demo with drums and that. Yes, I think so. I was sure then, that, that it would be, because it was a strong song lyrically and melodically and I was sure that it would be the biggest single of the album. But then, over the album making process, we somehow changed it and stripped it down and turned it into some kind of an acoustic ballad that really forces you to listen to the lyrics. Maybe it's not a banger as it used to be but it stands out more.

Bojan: So if someone says that Joker Out is a band that only wants hits it's just not true. This is a lie.

Also ballads.

Bojan: Also ballads.

Jure: That are hits, of course.

Bojan: Yes, yes. Right, that's a given, it's a given, god willing.

This time you offered us ten songs. It's interesting that you haven't released singles before but you first offered the album and 'Katrina' at the same time. Different approach than with the previous album where singles were combined in an album.

Kris: Yes, well in an ideal world we could release a few singles before the album release but we wanted to have two whole albums released in such short time that we actually didn't have time to deal with the process of releasing singles before the album release. But we'll definitely release a lot of singles from this album after it's out. So, 'Katrina' is released and 'Demoni', and then a lot of things can come. Also, for example, a song that to many didn't look like a single from the album could be released with a music video. When we released the album, there were I wouldn't say mixed responses but different people liked different songs. Now they maybe figured out which ones are more favourites and which aren't. But anyway, there's something for everyone on the album every listener can find a song or two on the album that are their favourites. And it's not as if it's so unevenly distributed.

Nace, how many times have you listened to both albums?

Nace: To both? I mean, I listened to the first one more for sure, since it has been out for longer, right. Otherwise, I listened to the second one immediately when it was released, I started listening to it in order to learn it. So I practically listened to it at least once per day for a month when the boys were vacationing. And maybe I might have gone over the guitar part as well, while driving, so, out loud, through Ljubljana, windows down, you know how it goes.

Bojan: You were driving, you were driving with a guitar in your car. Are you insane?

Nace: Look, I knew that I couldn't come there and not know, so I took advantage of every minute. I'm driving from Kranj, you know that is half an hour every day, when you go to Ljubljana, and it comes in handy. You know, a rush hour and you can… At least that bit of 'Padam' where tha bass comes in you know, I can practice it in between.

If we focus on sound, can you compare it to the debut album?

Jan: No. I mean, in some aspects, yes we're still us, the same people that also created the first album but the first album was recorded very sporadically. First, we recorded some drums, then the bass three months later, then we were recording the guitars for half a year every day, for a few hours and it dragged on, the thought process wasn't connected but it was more fragmented. So yes, I think that this album because for the most part we recorded it all together it works more coherently, in regards to sound.

Kris: If I may add, besides the whole process that influenced the sound, with this album we paid much more attention to the sound in post-production and instead of Žare who mixed the first album we found Todd Burke from LA this time who is a mixing and recording engineer there and he actually contributed a lot and he elevated the professional level of the whole product.

It means that you went from disorder to order?

Jan: We went from a mess to a blooming meadow, yes.

Who is the main author, or rather how do you create?

Bojan: Well, I'm the main author but this album was really like… What can be heard… What can be heard on the album was really a product of all of us because it was actually being made at the rehearsal space Songs were changing a lot from day to day from moment to moment. We tried a thousand and one versions for each one all ideas were welcome so I think that we truly found what everyone liked the best for each song.

As can we can see, now your rehearsal space is pretty nicely done.

Bojan: Yes, our rehearsal space is actually like our holy temple that we built ourselves. And we are immensely proud of it. Here, I think Jure is the most suitable to talk about it because he was, I'll say, the main author.

Jure: Installed the wiring and… Yes. Yes, we have a lovely space now, yes. It's nice, it's nice to come to the space and feel at home. Because it's a different energy and you can be more creative. I remember the beginnings, when we made the space when we first played there, do you remember it?

Bojan: Yes, yes.

Jure: When it was like, "Oh, sick."

Bojan: And then Maček, he thought it was so sick that he slept there for a week.

Jure: I do that even now.

Bojan: The rehearsal space influenced the album's creation a lot. Really, so I would say that a space is one of key elements for the band.

'Vse kar vem'

The second part is the lyrics, who's in charge of those?

Kris: Yes, again, for the most part, Bojan. although on this album one was written entirely by me, and one was a collaborative effort, between me and Bojan. That's actually the very next song, 'Vse kar vem', which we basically, I had an outline of the chorus, when last year, in March 2021, we went…

Jure: That's almost two years ago then.

Kris: Right, no, a year and a half. A year and a half.

Jan: Where were we?

Bojan: You've already had that in Šentjernej

Kris: I'd had it in Šentjernej already? Okay.

Bojan: Yeah, you've already revealed a bit of the chorus.

Kris: Oh, okay, interesting. Well, but we worked it out in March 2021, when we went to a hunting lodge in Lower Carniola and we took the chorus, Bojči changed the vocal melody slightly, we kept the lyrics and we made it into a whole song, which is basically based on these four chords. And he wrote segments of the lyrics, from the verses and the stanzas and the song grew spontaneously. I don't know if either of us even really knows what it means, because the stanzas are kind of in contrast to the chorus, but they come together very well.

On the album cover you are surrounded by mirrors and flowers. Except Nace, you are not there yet.

Nace: That, you asked the wrong person. It's just, when I look at the album cover, ah, the cover's pretty wicked. If you look at all the details in the background, how the guys are positioned, take your time, because I think you should dig into it at least a little bit and admire.

Kris: The album cover, if I may add, basically, if you'd like to see more details of how it was made, or what it all looked like, our new video 'Demoni', which was released a while ago, was basically shot on the same set and the same day, as we were doing the photoshoot for the album cover and it kind of visually supports the title track of the album.

Jure, is there something you wanted to add? For the album cover?

Jure: That they should buy the CD if they wish to see it.

Bojan: I would just add, that we are extremely happy and very grateful for the team, that was responsible for this creation. There was Primož Lukežič on camera along with Mark Pirc on the conceptual design, Andraž Drobnič on the graphic design and Damir, or Ponorelli, who did such a good job of styling us.

Who is in charge of your image?

Jan: Partly ourselves, for…

Bojan: Partly our parents.

Jan: Partly the parents, yes, they take us to Nama occasionally. Well, for the big concerts, for the videos and for the album cover, for the videos 'Katrina' and 'Demoni' and for the concert in Križanke, Damir Ponorelii handled the projects for us. Damir Raković Ponorelii. A good name. Well done, Damir.

Bojan: Rakičan.

Jan: Yeah, I think he, sometimes it's good to have a sixth eye. When we try to style ourselves for a concert and things don't…

Bojan: You mean the 11th and 12th eye?

Jan: Yes. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Right. He's probably got a 13th eye as well, right.

As you mentioned, you also filmed the most recent single, 'Demoni', in the same style?

Bojan: Yeah, we shot the video on the same day, as Kris said earlier, the same day that we shot the cover photo. So, it's seemed quite logical for us to make the most of this set, that's been set up in the studio, the guys have brought from the Ljubljana Marshes the whole covering, the mirrors were set up and it really kind of encapsulated the mood of the song of 'Demoni' and the album itself. And I believe we were pretty much done in two hours. Actually, the post-production was probably more complex for Mark. As you can see in the video, it took a little bit of video-shop skills as well, or whatever they're called.

Kris: Uh, if I may comment, you haven't actually heard this before. A while ago, when Jure and I were guests on the radio, the host said that when he first looked at the video, he was genuinely frightened. That he was a little bit thrown off, right, when he watched it. So in my opinion, we've achieved with the video what we set out to do.

Today, actually, video production is a necessity.

Kris: Yes, it is. Especially for the Balkan market, I believe, a song doesn't exist if it doesn't have a visualization, right, and a video is your way in if you want to. In Slovenia, we still have this way of life, where one would indeed listen to an album or buy a CD, which is nice to know, no.

'Ona'

'Ona' will be next, also in Serbian, and Bojan curses in it. How so? Or is it coincidental?

Bojan: Yeah, you know what, this cursing infiltrated itself very spontaneously in the lyrics. And I'm not the biggest fan of that kind of thing in principle, but it seems to me that in the whole context of the song, that phrase was very fitting, it's just an expression anyway. The thing that you really don't give a * for something, is just part of everyday vocabulary, including me at home. and when I showed it to my parents, they thought it was pretty amusing, not vulgar, and I don't think it's vulgar either, so yeah.

Jure: I'm interested in what your grandma said.

Bojan: But Grandma was mor… Okay, here we go. Grandma was slightly offended the first time she heard it. The deal is, she couldn't quite imagine how anyone could just put something like that it in a song, right. But she told me a month ago, that she really, really loves listening to this song now and that she thinks it is hilarious.

Jure: Yeah, well, come on.

See, now Bojan is no longer a nice little boy.

Jure: Now grandma knows what you're up to, right.

Bojan: Now he's a nice little girl.

How did the listeners respond to the second album?

Jan: According to the interactions we had with them live and through social networks, I'd say pretty good, right. I mean, maybe it wasn't what they were expecting, it definitely wasn't, they weren't expecting techno, bangers and what else we've got, yeah, the Beatles on acid, but I think we've intrigued them, that we kind of poked them, which I think is quite welcome.

The reviews are also positive, as you can read online?

Kris: Well, you know, I've read two so far. One was Croatian and one Slovenian. The Croatian one was maybe even a little bit more positive. The Slovenian one was, basically, based on it still being Shagadelic rock'n'roll or not. See, I don't know, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

Bojan: You know, how you can ask the creator…, anyway, we invented Shagadelic rock'n'roll, right, so, whatever is made by the one who invented it, it's just it.

Jure: It just is.

Bojan: You can't…

Kris: I mean, yeah, okay, I totally agree with that, but you know, they've just based their impression of what Shagadelic rock'n'roll is on our first album, and maybe for most Shagadelic rock'n'roll is, what 'Umazane misli' was. But you have to allow for the possibility, for it to develop, because if you don't you're going to be listening to 'Umazane misli' 2, 3, 4, and 5 for the rest of your life, and we wouldn't want do that. We have decided for the morning after 'Umazane misli' and that is what 'Demoni' is.

What about the initial reactions from the Balkans?

Bojan: Last time we were backstage with Buč Kesidi, who are, let's just say that, at the moment the most active band in the Balkans from the younger generation and they were very, very, very, very, very excited about the album. And for Demoni, they said, "This, bro, is such a bomb, bro, it's gonna be a megahit, bro. I mean, literally, it's killing it, bro."

I mean, Bojan, this sounded very authentic just now and exactly as they'd say it.

Bojan: Yes, yes. That's exactly how it was, right. I didn't make a thing up.

Kris: He basically played the recording just now, since the listeners won't be able to tell.

Probably. Nace, are the listeners the main critics then, underneath the stage, in front of the stage.

Nace: I mean almost certainly. I mean, that's who this music is being made for, they're the reason we go on the road and perform. So I think it couldn't be any other way.

How have they received you as the new member? Is there more buzz around you now?

Nace: I'm not sure if I'm in the spotlight. And I think that neither they nor I, or anyone else for that matter has tried to thrust me into it. But it seems to me, just moving from concert to concert, that they're warming up to me, and so on… They're already shouting, "Nace!" and it feels really nice.

Kris: Has anyone approached you for a photo?

Nace: Yes, they have…

Bojan: They already have.

Nace: They have, they have.

Kris: Oh, great. This is a good sign.

'Tokio'

Next one up will be 'Tokio'.

Jure: Oooh, 'Tokio'. We love playing that one at concerts. I dunno, it's such a vibrant song, really. I'm lost for words…

Bojan: You're full of fun ideas…

Jure: No, you know what, it's 8 PM and my mind's blank.

Bojan: Okay, okay, yeah, we just woke up. Well, the reason is, 'Tokio' is actually… 'Tokio' because my first demo was in English, it was a bunch of gibberish, but in between was 'Dancing in the Streets of Tokyo' and Žarko insisted that this catchphrase has to stay. So, then we were making jokes a bit, about playing in Japan, and that's why I included two sentences in Japanese. And it was really cool, because when we were recording the vocals, we were like, "Okay, what's the Japanese pronunciation now?" and then we called Jan's ex-classmates who are studying Japanese studies, to tell us how to pronounce it, and we called a Japanese lady, someone Žare knew…

Kris: Some Slovenian man, married to a Japanese lady, no idea really, but, Mami Narita…

Bojan: Yes, yes, Mami Narita…

Kris: Yes, yes, yes it's not a joke at all. It's, it's, maybe you should leave this out, so it's not on record, but, it was actually her name, Mami Narita.

Bojan: Don't put this in in, please.

Jure: Yeah, well, whatever, it's a name. Whatever?

Bojan: I mean, she could be the only one in Slovenia.

Or, if you know the singer Stella, you can get in touch now, she's just gone to Japan to study.

Jure: Really?

Bojan: Well, here we go.

Jure: We've met Stella, haven't we?

Bojan: We know Stella, yes. We haven't been in touch for a while, though, but, right, Stella's a great girl. We've met Stella, but, yeah, we're probably not going to be hanging out that much, obviously, if she's going to Japan.

She's already there.

Bojan: She's already there? Maybe we'll visit.

Kris: Maybe the song is about Stella.

You've had a vacation since Križanke, was it an active one or not?

Jan: Yeah, I went to Littoral Slovenia for a week, with a tiny keyboard , among the goats and the hills above the Vipava Valley. And then Jure and I went caravanning around Germany, where our tyre blew up twice, but let's leave out the details. And we bought some new equipment, so, yeah, it was spent actively in part and in part, we did rest.

What about you Bojan?

Bojan: I've spent a few days at the seaside, a few days in Banja Luka at my grandma's, lounging on the sofa all day, eating čevapi and drinking Coca Cola. One day I literally got up from the sofa in the evening, and my grandma said, " Where are you going?" And I said "I'm going to grab something to eat." "No, I'll go!" So I literally wasn't allowed to do anything.

Jure, besides Germany?

Jure: Besides Germany, a week at the sea and afterwards we went to the seaside together, for a couple of days. I don't know, it was nice, but we haven't vacationed in so long, it was a bit weird to go on holiday, right. It's not my usual mode.

Kris?

Kris: Yeah, I've had, let's say, the least, the least laid-back kind of vacation, because on the same night after Križanke, I flew to Peru, where I spent three weeks. We hiked and travelled and basically got very little sleep. All in all, it was a good experience and it basically was the only time when I could make a trip like that possible, a kind of collective vacation, but we had a chance to relax a bit when I got back, we went to Pula for a couple of days, as the guys have already mentioned. and that was my, let's say, my actual time off.

Nace, all you did was practice?

Nace: I did, for the whole month basically, like I've mentioned, and when I didn't practice, I was driving around in the car, and then I practiced in the car.

Bojan: What about the fish?

Nace: That's it, right. And then we went to Pula together that week, that was, what, the last week? Before the first concert, we got to know each other…

Kris: That was the first week of October.

Nace: …a little bit better. The first week of October, yeah. So we had a good time. And then straight to the gig, it was well, yeah. And the fish… Actually, yeah, Bojan and I got a new hobby, we took up fishing, but we've spent a fair amount of time fishing and I have to say, so far, without success. But it's nice, so if anyone knows, a serious fisherman, Bojan and I are really looking for someone, who would take us to a place where we could catch a fish. Even if it's to an aquarium. Just so it happens.

Did you set the wrong bait?

Nace: No, we've tried every bait in the world.

Bojan: I mean, really, we Googled it, we did everything right in theory, but we really didn't catch more than two seabream, and even they were really the size of this microphone I'm talking into. And a fun-fact, just a quick one, Nace took me to a pond, to go fishing, right, because that's where you catch fish. We got to the pond and the gentleman who manages the pond said…

Jure: Fish farm.

Bojan: I mean, yeah, he said… We said, "Where do we buy a ticket?" and he said "Well, no need, there aren't any fish anyway. You can just go for free." Naturally, we didn't catch a thing.

The interview will proceed a little differently, I'm not the one asking the questions anymore, you'll get a new interviewer. Last week I hosted Slick, a rapper from Velenje, with his album 'Sveža plat' ('Fresh Side'), and he asked you four questions. The first question is:

Slick: If you could collaborate with any musician in the history, who would you choose?

Jan: Well, let's say Vivaldi.

Jure (?): Oh, that's what I was going to say…

Jan: Imagine, you know, he shreds on a violin, I shred on a guitar… brrrrrr…

Bojan: I'd say, from the top of my head, Maček, you. Tell me.

Jure: Oh, I guess The Beatles.

Kris: David Bowie.

Nace: Led Zeppelin. To be fair, I've already got Bonham in the band, I'm getting there I'm getting there.

The second question:

Slick: How often do you tell yourself that you don't have time and is that really the case?

Nace: I mean, I say that to myself every minute, but I don't know if it is true. I mean, we all like to whine a little bit sometimes, don't we.

Kris: Yeah, I say I don't have time a lot, but I know that for certain things, that you want to make time for, you take the time.

Jure: Yeah, I agree with Kris, yeah. But our profession is such, that we're not home on the weekends and when someone asks you if you wanna go to a party, or have a drink, you just say you don't have time, right. So, yeah, we don't have time. That happens a lot.

Bojan: I would say, that if … I'd say I don't have time, I'd be lying at some point. But during the summer I actually didn't have time to even think about whether I had time or not. So I am glad that the summer is over.

Jan: Yeah, sometimes you have to put your feet up, so, sometimes I use that excuse to be able to…

Jure: Lie down.

Jan: To lie down, yeah. I mean, I don't actually have much time, but not to have time at all, well, there's that. And stil.

The third question Slick asks you is who in your family has had the biggest impact on the person you are today?

Jan: Probably my mother and my brother…

Bojan: You can't name more people, hey.

Jan: Oh, just one? I guess, as far as music goes, definitely my brother, because he's also a music producer and he was the one who first introduced me to music, and without him I doubt I would be heading in this direction.

Bojan: I would say my father. He's kind of also the biggest supporter of what's going on in my musical head, and whatever's going on with us and he's actually really, really, really happy with all the success. And even when there's failure, he knows just what to say to calm me down.

Jure: You know what, I've been locked in a cellar, and my dad's always said I was made for a pick and a shovel, so…

Bojan: And he wasn't far from the truth.

Jure: Well, yeah, yeah, parents, naturally, right. That's it.

Bojan: Why parents, you have to choose one person…

Jure: Well I can't choose one.

Bojan: How come?

Jue: I can't.

Bojan: Come on.

Jure: They come together.

Bojan: Break someone's heart, won't you?

Jure: Yeah, then I'll say my sister.

Bojan: Here, good one.

Kris?

Kris: For me, I would think it would be quite hard to tell, who has influenced my musical career the most, right, but it is definitely going to be my dad, who was the first who put a guitar in my hands when I wished for one.

Nace: For me, in music, it's must be my cousin, right, because we essentially grew up as brothers. and he brought the guitar to our house, and that's what made me… And he had a band and then I wanted that too, except he's a few years older than me.

And one last question, Did you eat cheese?

Nace: I did.

Kris: I did.

Jure: Yes, I like it very much.

Bojan: I love cheese, too.

Jan: Yes, I've eaten it many times.

Then afterwards you have the same task, so you can start thinking about it, each of you will ask one question to the next guest.

'NGVOT'

The second to last one we're going to play today will be 'Ne govoriva več o tem'. also known as 'NGVOT'.

Kris: More specifically Ngvot. We have chosen that title because, I think that when I first brought the song to the rehearsals in 2018, I already had it spelled out that way. And then, when we wrote it on the setlists it was always 'NGVOT', because it's just too many words, to cram them all into one setlist. But, what's the story behind this song? Because it's a bit different in atmosphere and maybe more naive than the rest of the album. It's a song, as I said, that was made in 2018 and which we kind of, we never really liked it very, very much, but we played it because we needed to be fill our setlist. And then, fortunately or unfortunately for us, it really clicked for us in the concerts, our fans really took to it as one of their songs, and they sang along beautifully at concerts and we basically couldn't imagine doing the second album without the song. So, then we got creative, and we adapted it a little bit into a form that fit us, that was very different from what we played before the album came out. But actually, it fits very nicely now, I think, right. It comes in handy.

Joker Out, to round up this conversation, I see you have very busy days what challenges lie ahead, besides Stožice next year? It's just around the corner.

Jan: We have quite a few plans for the future, which… I don't know if I'd give them away yet, no. But it's… Maybe, at this point it looks like we're going to Hamburg to record the English versions of our songs. That's also a partial answer to the previous question, for Kris, or for anybody, why Serbian and not English. English is coming too.

Bojan: So, that we can join those bands, that go to English and then go back to Slovenian really quickly.

I see you still have CDs as a sound medium? Is that it?

Jure: Yes, and we have a LPs as well. They sell out even faster than CDs, actually, I think. They've made a comeback recently. It seems to me that you have to have this product. When you release an album you have to feel the CD in your hand to say OK, now we've got this.

Bojan: I am absolutely thrilled. I thought we were selling tea coasters all along. Bear coasters, you know?

But you don't sell ID cards.

Kris: Yeah, here we go. Yeah, buy our CD or LP.

Everything about how to get the LP on the website?

Kris: Absolutely, our website is the best guide sign you'll ever see, It's all clearly visible on it, come and have a look.

Bojan: www.allyourneedsunderoneroof.com

And there's a mention of Joker Out somewhere.

Kris:Yeah.

Bojan: Yeah, somewhere at the bottom.

Kris: In sidenotes, right.

Bojan: Yeah, yeah.

You mentioned earlier that there's going to be more singles from the album, not just the two that are already released?

Nace: I think there will be, right. It's just a question of when. Well, 'Demoni' have arrived on Halloween, and now to the next step.

Kris: Yeah, so, well, what should I say...

Jure: Something else might be released, live from Križanke.

Kris: I'm sure there'll be some more live footage, but for now we've got a couple of songs coming out as singles. For me, maybe, I'm not saying it's going to be a single, but I feel 'Ne bi smel' is very much singlelike, the second song on the album. And maybe the others should share which one they see as a single.

Nace: I mean, I also see 'Ona' as a single, right. Definitely. If nothing else, when we play it live, it's it for me. It could be.

Bojan: Honestly, I'll say it like this. Let's give it time, but I think, sooner or later, every single one of these songs is gonna have its singlelike moment. So, keep your eyes open for the videos, the video material, let's not restrict ourselves, you can also find on our website a couple of nice pieces of furniture or home accessories, so you're welcome to visit.

And then in a few more sleeps, it will be the 6th of October 2023.

Jure: Yeah, that'll be quick.

Bojan: What happens then?

Jure: Yeah, Stožice, right. That's it, quick, get the tickets, because they're going to be sold out. I don't know, I feel like we can't wait. Although, we've been waiting six months for Križanke, and it's been pretty exhausting. Now we have to wait a year, so it's only going to get more exhausting.

Bojan: Yeah. Well, the problem with Stožice is, is that truthfully they're so surreal, that, I mean, I really remember the first time we ever set foot in Stožice, when we played at Ritem mladosti (Rhythm of Youth), as an opening band at 7pm, and we said, "Wow, hey, can you imagine everyone coming here because of you, can you?" And now, like three or four years later it's going to happen and it doesn't feel real yet.

'Novi val'

I think we tie this to the last track 'Novi val'.

Bojan: 'Novi val' is one very, very special song for me, because it emerged, from one, how should I say, direct impulse from nature and that was when the fires broke out in the Karst. That's when this phrase came, "Where shall we go from here if we are already setting the horizon ablaze?" and the song was built around that. We kind of felt, that there was a generation, a few generations younger, and maybe a couple of generations older than us, entagled in it, in this preconception that maybe we don't know quite what to do with ourselves or that we are not a good enough contrib… What do you call it, a contribuator to society? I've just made up a word for that. Basically, this song is a bit like I would say an expression of any young person at the moment, who knows that they matter, who knows that their voice counts. and who wants a better tomorrow.

'Novi val' to wrap up this conversation, Jan, Bojan, Jure, Kris and Nace, thank you, for being guests on Radioaktivno and may you be successful and hard-working on your journey. And see you again in a year with the new album?

Bojan: Absolutely, thank you very much for having us, we had a great time last year as well, we remember that interview as a nice one, next year we don't know if there will be an album, but we'll be fresh out of Stožice, really.

Jan: Yeah, thanks for the invitation, we'd love to come again. I agree with what Bojan said.

Jure: I wish everybody a good night, right.

Kris: Good night everyone, the third album may not be next year, but I'm sure there'll be a lot of things to listen to and see.

Jure: But it will be the next one.

Kris: It will be the next one.

Nace: Same from me, right, see you in Stožice. I'm Nace. Still, something like that.

All: We're Joker Out,

Bojan: and you're listening to Radioaktivno.

[septembriseur]

…

A kid I know (not a kid! He is totally not a kid anymore; so many of the kids I knew in Afghanistan have grown up!) is heading to Pakistan this week to try to get his U.S. refugee resettlement processed— he’s been waiting since 2021, and he finally got his case number, but the case has to be processed in a third country, and the only country most Afghans can get/“get” (buy) visas to is Pakistan— where he knows he’ll probably have to spend a year working illegally and avoiding the authorities before MAYBE getting an interview.

It’s making me crazy, the vast distance between this bullshit presidential debate and the fact that it might *insert blocks toppling meme* ultimately mean that this kid ends up losing his chance at resettlement and getting deported back to Afghanistan. Two old liars bumbling around on a stage. The system is already bullshit; I got an email last week about this “virtual resettlement” scheme where State is basically like “hey… uh… do you want to provide free housing for this person who put you down as their only American contact? And we will give them their resettlement aid online? If not, it’s going to delay their resettlement by like six months and they might end up on the other side of the country.”

Stay tuned for a nonfiction piece I wrote about all this that should be appearing soon…

Recently I feel that writing fiction is in many ways a tremendously selfish act. It requires detachment from the world, in a way, or at least the freedom to be unaccountable to the world so that you can be accountable to the world of the story. I’ve realized that this is the main reason I’ve struggled so much since 2021. How does one achieve that interior isolation while fulfilling responsibilities to so many people in the real world?

[herd-reject-arts]

So I'm leaving work and something darts in front of me, maybe 10ft away, too fast for me to see what it is. Peek around the tree blocking my path and I see this

Just like... a whole ass hawk. Dude's gotta be about 1.5ft tall. Massive fucking bird. And it's just staring me straight in my soul like this, even as I try to move ahead. It didn't budge. And there's only this path back to my car unless I want to walk on a busy highway. So I have the option of Death By Raptor or Death By Truck.

So I walk in the poison ivy filled patch off the sidewalk. Guy still isn't moving. Still staring me directly in the eyes. And I do this thing when animals are behaving strangely where I'll talk to them, so I'm just like, "Hey, man. I don't know you. You don't know me. This feels really threatening. I'm just trying to get to my car, dude. Can I get some space please? You're a big fucking bird. I see those claws. You could kill me right now, but I'd appreciate if you didn't, ok?"

It didn't move until I was about 2ft away. Again: I'm as far from it as I can be without walking into the street. It clearly wasn't going to budge. I walk past, thing flies up (silent, btw. Scary) and lands on a brick wall a little further ahead

Anyway. Weird guy. Nearly shit my pants when I noticed a bird big enough to carry off a fully grown cat was just... there, staring me in the face, unwilling to move away from me, a human, something it should see as a threat. I watched behind me the whole rest of the way to my car, just in case this bird decided to help me shed this mortal coil. 10/10 experience. Super cool guy.

[kisses4reid]

protect | ·˚ ༘ spencer reid ,,

summary - you get badly injured on a case, and the hospital visit ruins your surprise.

genre - fem!bau!reader x spencer, hurt/comfort, little bit of angst and arguing, fluff, happy ending!! reader can bear children (has female anatomy)

warnings - pregnancy, major injuries, mentions of gross hospital things, r uses she/her pronouns, usual criminal minds violences

w/c - 2.2k

a/n - thank u for the request! loved the idea immediately and this is the first time i’m writing abt pregnancy and stuff so pls do not quote me on anything!!! also this writing isn’t my best, sorry abt that. okay bye have fun reading

request - (@ursuu-la) hihihi idk if you're taking requests, but what if u write something where Spencer and a fem reader are dating and she's pregnant, but she's kinda scared(? or nervous to tell Spencer. And maybe she could tell it to one of the girls of the team to find a way of approaching Reid, but then she gets hurt or something happens to her in a case.

“Oh. My. God.”

You turned your attention from the open manila folder to Garcia’s multiple screens, searching each one for something important, “What?”

“Y/n M/n Reid. You’re pregnant?” Garcia spun in her chair with an angry expression while pointing a ringed finger at the main computer screen. It was your medical history - which you allowed her to search so she could experiment with a new hacking technique - but you had forgotten about your recent discovery.

Your hand was clamped over your mouth as you stared in shock and started rambling through your fingers, “Garcia. I swear, nobody knows - I wasn’t keeping this from just you,” you placed your hands on her shoulders when she stood up in disappointment, sending her office chair to collide with the desk, “Spencer doesn’t even know, please Garcia. Don’t tell anyone.”

Your eyes searched hers for a promise or compromise, but instead you got welling tears.

“Garcia?”

“Y/n, your pregnant with a little Reid! This is amazing- How come you haven’t told him? I’ll have a new little nephew or niece! Y/n!” She squealed and took your hands to spin you in a circle in her small office. You immediately felt nauseous and slowed the excited girl, her hair accessories threatening to fall off in her happiness. You held your stomach and whispered,

“No spinning, I’ll throw up.”

She glanced to her computer screens and shut them down immediately, sitting back down and taking a deep breath. “This is great! Right? Please tell me this is great, you’re already 6 weeks pregnant.”

You bit your lip and nodded, “I mean, I think it’s great but..” You lost yourself in thought.

Last year when you and Spencer got married, you had talked about starting a family many times. But every time you both agreed to wait a few more years in order to save up more money and maybe move into a bigger apartment or even a house. This was not what you planned.

Spencer liked having a plan, it was one thing you grew to love. He was organised and, due to his amazing memory, remembered everything, especially everything about you. And though you two had grown so close you were basically one person, this was the only time you had no idea how Spencer would react if he found out your secret.

“I don’t know how to tell Spencer.”

Garcia grinned, but it was quickly wiped away when she noticed a certain figure in the doorway. You spun on your heel, heart attacking your ribs. Luckily, it was not your husband, but your boss. He stood sternly and started, “We’ve got a case, wheels up in 30.”

You nodded and turned back to Garcia, all she did was wave and whisper, “I’ll text you.”

In the plane, you sat next to Spencer in the aisle seat, stomach feeling queasy and phone vibrating non-stop in your back pocket. You pinched the bone between your eyebrows and squinted at the case files that Hotch had quickly gone over. Morgan was spilling some theories, Prentiss backing him up, when Spencer lowered his head and whispered in your ear, “Are you okay? You seem tired.”

You put on a small smile and nodded, the fact that Spencer had noticed something wrong meant that the rest of the team would notice soon too. You raised yourself and squeezed Spencer’s hand that had been in your lap. You murmured a small excuse me to Hotch and excused yourself to the plane’s toilet.

Spencer began to get worried for your health. The past week and a half, you’d been eating less and then more, and then you’d say you felt sick, and then you were full of energy. You cancelled plans, you slept more, and you had started avoiding Spencer. You were getting sick, and distant, and he hated how you wouldn’t let him help you whenever he asked. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head slightly, attempting to focus on the profile.

Sat on the toilet, ready to double over into the bathroom sink, you pulled out your phone and scrolled through Garcias texts.

What about a baby onesie with Daddy’s favourite child on it?

What about a candle lit dinner?

What about donuts that spell out ‘I’m Pregnant!’

I’ve seen people purposefully burn bread and wait until their husbands understand, maybe that?

Maybe. But right now, that was not what you wanted to think about. On top of the case and the whole pregnancy situation, your symptoms were becoming harder to conceal.

A whole day of analysis, interrogating, leads and dead ends led you to a one story run down house with broken windows and an overgrown yard. You threw the FBI bullet vest over your shoulders as Spencer approached you with a tight smile. His hair was shorter these days, after he finally let you start cutting it, but nothing could change his attractiveness. His cologne wafted into your senses as he went behind you, tightening your vest and patting your back and waist down to make sure you were at optimal safety.

You could almost imagine he knew you were pregnant.

“Remember, if he’s in there, keep your distance. He’s a big guy but silent, and not all there.” He furrowed his eyebrows as he did a last check over of your vest, belt, and the position of your gun. You smiled and nodded,

“I know, Spence. I’ve been here too.”

He sighed and nodded, placing a small kiss on your cheek as a good luck.

You were married, but there was no guarantee you’d both make it out of any case. Every movement could be your last, and every interaction could be your last together.

Morgan slipped through the door after a man picked the front doors lock, Prentiss behind him and you behind her. After you, followed Hotch and Spencer.

“Clear!” Morgan called from the kitchen. You turned right down a hallway, Prentiss disappearing into a small room on the right and yelling,

“Clear!”

You entered the small bedroom, gun high and steps careful. It was an adults bedroom, maybe a teenager. There was posters of horror movies, a thin mattress on the floor and shelves of books and wooden cupboard holding what you believed to be clothes.

“Clea-“

The wind got knocked out of you, your shoulder colliding with the wall to your left and a sharp handle being jabbed into your side, as you plummeted against the floor and hearing a loud thump and shattering glass beside you. Miniscule, rainbow, dots clouded your vision, the adrenaline and the concussion you were sure you had numbing the pain coursing through your veins. You screamed in pain, Hotch entering almost immediately.

You lifted your right arm to point out the window, the glass shattered from where the unsub had escaped.

Spencer entered the room in a rush, eyes running over the fallen cupboard that would've been taller than the both of you, and then your small body in the corner. You held out your arm for him, and he placed his hands under your armpits, jolting back when you screeched in pain. "Y/n, your..." His eyes widened in shock and fear at the sight of your dislocated shoulder. Your right hand clutched to your left side - no doubt trying to comfort a massive bruise or worse.

He gulped, helping you up and throwing your good arm around his shoulders. The sudden movements blanked your vision for a few moments, a small lump forming on the front left side of your temple, and your legs trembled in the sudden need to hold yourself up. "Y/n, we just need to get you to the ambulance, alright?" Spencer told you reassuringly. He didn't know how much you could understand, your eyes were cloudy and your movements spaghetti-like, but he continued to reassure you anyways.

The paramedics set into action as soon as they saw your near limp body strung across Spencer's taller build. You were placed in the ambulance on a bed and before you knew it, there was a heavy clamp on your finger and two paramedics touching you and saying unexplainable things to each other. A short one with a beard came close to your vision, obvious aware it was still slightly blurred, "Agent Y/n. We need to take your shirt off in order to fix your shoulder okay? We need to pop it back in as quick as we can."

All you could do is nod, Spencer making most of the choices for you as your husband - he wouldn't put you through something he knew you would disagree with. They asked him questions, and while the voices came in and out of focus, the adrenaline was wearing off and suddenly your senses heightened. "Is she pregnant?"

The question rolled off the paramedics tongue like a rehearsed poem, and Spencer shook his head like there was no possible way you were. But as you saw needles being prepared, your heart started pounding so fast it got the attention of the professionals. "Y/n, are you still with us?"

To Spencer, you looked like you had just woken up to a bad dream, but there was something deeper - you were not unconcious, if anything you looked alert.

"I'm pregnant." The paramedics glanced at each other and Spencer's eyes widened. The one with the needle placed it down carefully on a table, and before you knew it, you were being pushed through hallways and into a awfully bright room.

You passed out, fear and exaustion catching up to you. But Spencer couldn't sleep. On top of the fact that his wife had just gotten her shoulder dislocated and then fixed, and a slight rib fracture, she was also pregnant.

Spencer doubted for the first half hour of waiting for you to wake up that you actually were. You were saying nonsense, you were injured and the adrenaline... usually causes people to tell the truth. He paced and went over everything that had been happening. The change in your behaviour, the tiredness, the sickness. It was all coming together like a puzzle, and he wondered why he didn't realise sooner.

"Spence?" A small voice called out, and he approached the hospital bed almost immediately.

"Y/n." Spencer smiled in relief, overjoyed that you were alright and breathing. He knew you'd be fine, but anything can be unpredictable. Anyone can be unpredictable. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"What happened?" You tried to sit up but Spencers soft hands encouraged you to stay laying down.

"The unsub pushed a cabinet at you. You collided with the wall and dislocated your shoulder." He explained softly, the doctors told him that the specific pain killers they gave you may cause some loopiness. "Oh." You whispered, eyes searching his face like you had never seen it before, and you smiled. You were here, and he was here, and you needed nothing more. Other than more pain killers.

Spencer bit his lip, and sighed, not sure if it was the right time to bring the blindside up at that moment.

"Y/n, darling, are you... pregnant?"

The small grin wiped off your face and you took some deep breaths, nodding and avoiding his gaze in fear of rejection. Spencer sighed, and pushed his hair away from his face, a smile rising onto his cheeks. Tears welled in his eyes from happiness. "This is great, this is... wow Y/n, I can't believe.." He gulped, "I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner."

Confusing his disbelief for anger, tears started dropping down your cheeks as you sat in silence. Spencer started to worry, "Do you... not want to have a baby with me? Or at all? Do you think I won't be a good father? I know that I've had my problems in the past but I promise I can be a good father-"

"Spencer." You called his name in shock, heart aching over his insecure questions. "I do want a baby, especially one with you. And I don't think you'll be a good father, I know you'll be a great one. I just," you wiped your cheeks and he sat down in a chair beside your bed, taking your hand in his. "I'm scared. I thought that you wouldn't want to have one right now because of our... plan. This is really early and we didn't get to save- and- I thought you'd be mad-" You had started blubbering now, the heart monitor becoming a ticking time bomb for a full on breakdown, before Spencer took your face in his hands and smashed your lips onto his.

He pulled back, smile wide, eyes full of adoration and sorrowfullness.

"Y/n, I don't care about that plan anymore. And I'm not mad." He searched your eyes with his, "I just wished you told me earlier. Maybe you wouldn't have been injured, because god knows I wouldn't have let you go out into the field."

"Spencer, I'm so sorry." You sniffled, placing your other hand on top of his.

"Oh, darling. You don't have to be sorry. I've made my injured and pregnant wife cry, I should be sorry."

You giggled, and leant forward to kiss him on the nose. "So it's really okay?"

"Of course. You just have to heal quickly, and I'll do all the rest."

taglist (open!!) - @jeffswh0re @reap3erslov3 @candyd1es @0108s22m

[corvidcrossbow]

~•♡•~ I Like It Long

➳ Summary: While out on a run, you and Michonne start lightly teasing Daryl for having his hair grown out. But there's a hidden reason as to why he won't cut it. (Daryl x Fem!Reader)

➳ Setting: Alexandria, post Savior war

➳ Word count: 1.4k

➳ C/W: Just smut n hair pulling

➳ A/N: This spawned from me writing the context plot of another fic and I was like… wait (And thank yall for the attention on that Mother's Day post??? Yall are so sweet 😭🫶)

My hair is really similar to Daryl's when it's partially or almost dry and it's actually my favorite thing about myself like xbsosjdjdneisnsiasjebeiisjabajissn

You loudly banged your forearm against the glass door of a long abandoned drug store, not hearing any noise inside. Vines and weeds had grown through cracks in the concrete, winding up the sides of the building.

“Sounds pretty clear,” You shrugged, holstering your bow and opting for hand-held blades as Michonne pulled open the handle. You, her, and Daryl were clearing through a nearby town while out on a supply run, opting to make quick work of the task in favor of getting home.

You three entered the building, keeping your guard up in case of any straggling walkers that weren't roused by the initial attempts to lure them towards you. The interior wasn't large, so you could comfortably split off from each other and still be close.

“Seems mostly ransacked. Not much left,” Michonne commented, katana lowered but out in front of her. This had begun to grow repetitive and boring, energy matching the grayness of the lighting.

She took a pair of hair cutting shears off the shelf in front of her, holding them up to your gaze a few isles over. “Think he could use these?” She asked as a smile played the edges of her mouth, nodding back towards Daryl, looking for mischief. His hair had grown quite long over the course of the last two years, the tawny blond darkening into a rich brown, accompanied by a shaggy cut.

“Oh definitely. Jus’ gotta determine which onna us can hold him down long enough to cut it,” You replied with a chuckle, eyes following hers to where the archer stood at the endcap of another lane.

“Shuddup, will ya?” Daryl scoffed, shaking his head with grunt. His gaze didn't break from the advertisement in front of him, trying to ignore your antics. “Ts'fine.”

“Gotta make use of whatever supplies we find, no?” You continued your teasing, trying to hide the grin on your face at his reaction. “You were sweatin’ like a pig all summer, hair tangled all over yer face ‘n what not. When was the last time you cut it?”

“Don’ kno’, don’ care,” He grumbled, and you eyed Michonne again. It's definitely been since the prison, at least. He moved on from the stand. “Plus, winter up ‘ere's gon be colder. Will keep me warm.”

“Daryl, you're ‘bout the only one who didn't freshen up since we got to Alexandria. Don't you at least want a trim?” Michonne pestered, raising her eyebrows at him and shifting her weight to one leg. “You remember Rick's whole hobo-beard.”

“Ain't got no ‘hobo-beard’.”

“But you do look like the only ‘scissors’ you know is the recently searched on your go to porn site,” Michonne chaffed, barely able to contain herself.

Daryl froze for just a second, face flushing as his head whipped to stare back at her. And you two burst out laughing, to which his expression soured.

“Give it up, alrigh’?! Ain't nothin’ wrong with mah hair!” He snapped, accent thick with embarrassment, bowing his head slightly in an effort to obscure it. He readjusted his hold on his crossbow. “Gon shoot tha botha ya.”

“Ay, ay! Jus’ sayin’. Rick scrapped the beard and… maybe you'll finally get some play too,” She winked, followed by a lighthearted snicker.

Daryl groaned again and rolled his eyes, beginning to walk off, but caught your gaze for just a second.

It's not that he didn't want to cut his hair - he didn't care about it – but he wasn't really allowed to either way. There was one major, sexy, moaning reason he didn't cut his hair.

❥-》》—————➣

“Oh, god, Daryl! Fuck! Don't stop… god don't stop,” You cried out, hands clutching his shoulders as your nails began to dig into his flesh. His grip on your hips was bruising, keeping you steady as he pounded up into you at a relentless pace. That grip was the sole thing grounding you in the reality of the present moment.

“Ain't gon stop,” He affirmed, voice gravelly. You moaned wildly, head weakly falling to his chest with exacerbated breaths, his own heaving against your temple. He leaned closer when he could, harshly sucking at your clavicle and boobs, leaving behind a litter of hickeys and little bites that colored you in reds and purples.

The springs of the bed beneath you sounded like they were gonna fold in on themselves, headboard sporadically banging against the wall as Daryl shifted down a little to hit into you at an angle, your clit brushing against him with each thrust. Your back arched overtop of him, shoving his dick into your belly.

“Baby, please… fhuuuckkkk.” You couldn't even think, every thought consumed by the feeling of him. The way he just destroyed you like it's an art he'd mastered, tip brushing against every sweet and sensitive spot inside you, walls desperately trying to cling on, balls hitting up against you, clit grinding on him, slickness coating his pelvis and your inner thighs, his clutch on you just so fucking strong.

You pulled yourself together, lifting your head to see him. His long hair was dark and dampened with sweat, matting up as it stuck to his forehead, obscuring part of his vision. But he was too focused on using you to fix it, didn't dare to remove his hands unless God willed him to.

You moved up, swiping it away, and his blue eyes instantly connected with yours, pupils blown with lust. He (somehow) sped up, starting to slam your hips up and down to meet him instead of just keeping them stationary, now just beating your cunt.

“Tha's it girl. Jus’ keep takin’ me good like tha’.”

His words made you shiver, and you partially fell forward again, nestling your face beside his and snaking an arm behind his head. Your fingers weaved through his messy hair, tangling at the scalp, then tugging harshly as another wave of pleasure ripped through you.

And he whined. There it is. His breathy gasps and grunts mingled with strained whines, and whimpers, as you pulled tighter and tighter at the roots of his locks. His face contorted, eyes nearly squeezing shut, that one vein bulging from his neck, directly on the verge of so much.

“Daryl… inside.., Dar-” You panted, cut off as everything went white and you hit your peak. Your whole body felt electrified, tensing, twitching, walls spasming, toes curling and claws clinging to his frame.

Daryl tipped over the edge almost immediately after, having just been waiting for you to cum first. He desperately pumped into you a few more times, before curving up once more and simultaneously ramming you down as he came deep in you, the warmth of his release spreading through your core, and he threw his head back with ragged breaths.

You were both left a sweaty mess, gasping for oxygen, feeling full and satisfied. Your muscles couldn't keep you up, and you collapsed onto him, loosening your hold at his scalp, his hold on your hips doing the same.

He recovered a bit quicker than you, bringing a hand up and brushing your own messy hair away the second he had the energy to do so.

“Ya alrigh’, sunshine?” He asked between hitches, hoping he hadn't been too rough. He soothingly rubbed his palm over the curve of your body where bruises were sure to form.

You nodded faintly, moving your head so you could breathe better, and you could feel him relax beneath you from the reassurance. He held you tenderly for a while, giving you time to regain your composure. Your eyes were closed in bliss. Few things beat the feeling of Daryl under you, rising and falling with his torso, hearing his low humming as he steadied himself – his softening cock still buried deep inside you, cum ever so surely beginning to dribble down.

You lazily remained in his arms, not wanting to deal with getting up, or the shower you two definitely needed. You took a strand of his hair, affectionately curling it around your finger like a tendril, then letting it go and repeating.

“Ya actually want me tah cut ma hair?” He eventually asked, thinking back to your light mocking from earlier, how you'd laughed as Michonne layered it on. It didn't matter much to him, he'd do whatever pleased you.

“Fuck no. Was just messin’ with you, Dixon,” You replied, kissing the skin of his collarbone right below you, and moving up to find his lips. “You know I like it long.”

The long hair suited him, he looked good with it. You loved to wash and play with it, brush and braid it while he laid in your lap. But mainly, it was easy to grab at, pull on – and close to nothing in existence sounded better than those whines and whimpers every time you did so.

©corvidcrossbow 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified or adapted to other platforms. My work may be translated only if asked and with proof of given consent.

[cimmanonrowl]

Boyfriend

Nothing in this world has ever baffled Aaron Hotchner more than your questionable taste in men. And after witnessing firsthand how shitty your boyfriend was, he made it his night’s mission to steal your mind from him and show you what you’ve been missing all along.

Pairing: aaron hotchner x bau!reader

Warning: smut heaven

TW: unprotected rough sex, age gap, dom!aaron, breeding, filming, powerplay: boss/employee relationship, implied cheating.

You were the most sensible member of the BAU as far as Aaron is concerned.

In almost 5 years of working together, he’s never had a problem with you or your work ethic. You’re intelligent and logical, and you never made any rash decision that put yourself or anyone on the team in danger, nor did you ever compromise a case for any reckless, unaccounted reason. Years passed and all the doubts he initially had about you melted into a puddle of respect and adoration. And since then, you never heard him or anyone else contradict your arguments.

In your defense, being the youngest in the FBI gave you the unabating urge to follow orders and protocols as they were, to always play by the book exactly the way you were taught in the Academy. Or maybe because Morgan was right when he teasingly profiled you as someone with people-pleasing tendencies— especially to Hotch and Rossi, given they are higher-ups and had the longest experience in the Bureau.

Nothing was wrong with that, of course. You’re good at what you’re doing. You’re productive; and a valuable member of the team. Slowly over the past years, you’ve gained everyone’s trust and respect. And you’ve been made aware that everyone always has your back…

Unless the topic is your relationships.

“There’s a new Korean barbecue place down the block, do you want to join us?” You stopped midway through arranging your weekly reports as Spencer leaned against your table.

Glancing around the bullpen, you noticed Penelope and Derek standing by Emily’s desk, watching you and Spencer subtly from a distance. You almost snorted when Emily and Penelope scampered to look away, while Derek only crossed his arms and raised one of his eyebrows— like he always does when he’s pissed.

You leaned towards Spencer, whispering. “They know, don’t they?”

“Garcia knows,” He whispered back promptly. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t tell anyone.”

You stared at him suspiciously, eyes squinting a little. It’s just a joke. If there’s anyone in the team that you trust with your little secrets, that’s Spencer. But you’re curious if he knows how Penelope got wind of your secret date tonight. As far as you know, Spencer was the only person who knew about this.

“I don’t judge you...” He replied with a simple shrug. “You know, people who’ve grown attached to unhealthy relationships find it difficult to leave. Given your people-pleasing tendencies, I know you’re holding onto the chance of proving yourself to him. And you’re still waiting for him to realize your worth. It’s sad actually, now that I remember that.”

You gasped in offense and disbelief, making you slap your palm on his shoulder. While Spencer only grinned and chuckled at your reaction.

“Wait till you hear what Morgan has to say.”

You shivered at the thought. Derek has always been protective of you. Ever since you joined the team, he’s claimed that you’re his little sister. Not that it was a problem, of course, you absolutely love having an older brother. It’s just that… you don’t know how to act whenever he’s pissed because you never had a brother in the first place.

As you wandered your gaze to where your friends were standing, a worried frown lidded your expression. Derek hasn’t moved an inch and is pretty much still watching you, obviously seething in annoyance. On his side stood Emily and Penelope, both looking at you with guilty faces.

“He’s going to kill me,” you mumbled to yourself.

Spencer could only snort. “Yeah, right. I wonder why...”

You turned to him in resignation, heaving a deep sigh as you did so. You focused on arranging the folders on your desk before hitting him square on the chest with the documents.

“Enjoy the weekend, Dr. Reid,” You bid him goodnight before walking away.

“What about Korean barbecue?” He called out, raising both his arms in the middle of the office.

You whirled around to face them, still taking small steps backward.

“I’ve got a date!” You announced with a cheeky grin.

The door to Aaron’s office was left open as usual. From your desk earlier, you saw him working on some paperwork due for this week. There was a mountain of it on his table. And you saw him several times leaning on his chair and massaging his temple— not that you’re watching.

“Sir?” You knocked softly on the door surface to get his attention. He was focused on the document he was reading, his eyebrows tugged together in a scowl.

When he heard your voice, though, he glanced up and almost immediately caught your eyes.

“Hey…” He greeted shortly, smiling as he leaned on his swivel chair. “Come in.”

You mirrored his smile as you handed him the documents. “My reports, sir...”

He gave you a brief nod, thanking you promptly after accepting the pile of folders. You stood in front of him for a moment, taking in every bit of his features: his clean-cut hair, the dark circles under his eyes, the light stubble on his jaw— how can someone be that attractive while under stress? Good God.

“Everything okay?”

You blinked in confusion. “Sir?”

“You’re staring,” He pointed out, chuckling. “Are you visiting that Korean barbecue with Reid?”

Your eyes automatically darted to the glass window, seeing that everyone was still waiting for you at Emily’s table. Even JJ was there, listening to Morgan ranting in frustration.

“No, I have a date later…” You admitted shyly, feeling your cheeks heating up.

“Ah…” His eyebrows perked in surprise. “But I heard Garcia wanting you to come with them, do they know about this date?”

You pursed your lips before shaking your head… then nodding. 

“They didn’t know— well Reid knew— then Garcia— then now everyone else.”

Aaron nodded slowly, trying to understand your point. “And I assume you don’t want them to know?”

A deep sigh unknowingly escaped your lips.

As much as the team tries not to profile each other, it comes out instinctively. One time after discovering your ex-boyfriend was commenting publicly on other women’s bikini posts, you got so distracted that Emily had to pull you aside to make sure you were alright. Then another time when you came across the secret account he made to continue flirting with other women, you got questioned by Hotch for being so distracted.

They were so adamant in knowing what was bothering you. This is why you always try not to bring your personal issues to work.

“I’m going out with James...”

As soon as those words came out, Aaron looked stunned.

“Come again?”

“James��” You mumbled, your voice nearly cracking in embarrassment. “We’re seeing each other… again…”

It would’ve been better if the floor cracked open and swallowed you alive. The way Aaron was staring at you in disbelief was enough to shrink you in shame. You could even see the disappointment in his eyes, which is way worse than being judged in your opinion.

“The guy who dumped you after knowing you’re earning more than him and thinks women should quit their jobs after marriage?” He asked, scowling.

“Nope, that’s Benedict.”

Aaron heaved a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. The sight was so funny you almost laughed at his face.

“Is James the guy who comments on bikini pictures?”

“That’s Mark, sir…” You smiled awkwardly, scratching your ear. “He… he’s the one with the… video…”

“The one who cheated on you and filmed everything?” His scowl deepened even more. Is that even possible?

“Yes... sir... but he said he changed— okay— time to leave.”

You bolted out of his office. With how his eyes turned sharp as he heard your argument, you knew you just pushed his button.

Now it’s a funny memory, but Aaron Hotchner used to be your dream. Everyone in the BAU knew you spent your first year crushing hard on him. Until a random weekend bar hopping crushed your dream. Truth or Dare. When Morgan dared Aaron to make out with the young lady by the bar counter, you learned Aaron doesn’t like younger girls.

That made you step back. He’d obviously like career women; the mature ones, elegantly gorgeous, maybe with a good figure, curves in the right places, big boobs—

All men are the same. What do you expect, honestly? That’s what your ex-boyfriends like the most. Also their reason for cheating on you. You’re not their type, and you shouldn’t act too surprised because you knew that in the first place. Or that they have needs to fulfill. Apparently, you lack both.

“Hey, you okay?” The warmth of Aaron’s palm pulled you out of your reverie. You turned to him fast, blinking in confusion.

“Y-yes, sir. Were you saying something?”

He pursed his lips a little, nodding towards the view outside the car window.

“We’ve been here for five minutes.”

“Oh…” Heat crept on your cheeks after taking a peek, realizing you’ve already arrived in your apartment building. “Right. I’m sorry, sir. I was just thinking.”

“Of that dumbfuck asshole?”

You chuckled awkwardly, baffled by his sudden choice of words. He’s never the type who curses out of nowhere. “Sir?” 

“He made you wait for three fucking hours,” He retorted, his voice calm— dangerously so. “The one you call ‘boyfriend.’”

“He is my boyfriend…”

He stared at you, unamused. “After everything he did?”

“Well…”

At least you know everyone was right: Derek, Penelope, Emily… Aaron. Maybe you’re a hopeless case. For someone decently smart, you’re a complete idiot. You should’ve seen this coming; these men will never change. There’s no way a smart woman would allow this to happen again.

The worst part is that you couldn’t even call your friends to pick you up after getting ditched. You just missed the last train, you couldn’t book a cab, and they’re all hanging out in a Korean restaurant— except Aaron. Which led him to bring you home instead.

“What? You'd still defend him?”

After a few lingering moments of just staring at each other, you decided to offer him a small smile instead of answering. You thanked him for the ride, bid him a good night, and told him to spend his weekend resting. With a sweet yet polite smile, you stepped out of his car.

But Aaron got out before you could even walk away, following you inside the building.

“I swear, I’m fine. You should go home, Aaron,” you insisted, trying to keep your voice steady.

Aaron walked in, trailing behind you, his presence and smell immediately filling your small apartment. You closed the door behind him and turned to find him standing in the middle of your living room, his gaze sweeping over the space before settling back on you.

“I’ll rest when I know you’re okay,” He gave you a small, almost imperceptible smile. “Nice apartment.”

“Thanks…” You gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Can I get you...?”

Your words died in your throat as you found yourself staring into the concerned eyes of Aaron Hotchner. He stood there, hands tucked into his pockets, his expression stoic and something you couldn’t quite place.

“You know, I never understood your preference,” He began cautiously, his eyes directed at you. “You never made good decisions with guys, don’t you?”

“I know that, Aaron.”

“They’re all idiots. Does that turn you on?”

“W-what?” You squeaked, your heart racing as the words sank in.

“Does being treated like trash turns you on?”

A warm tear licked your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away, feeling embarrassed and hurt by his words. Aaron didn’t move an inch but the way his eyes traveled along your face melted his irritation a little. Silently, he reached out and pulled you into an embrace, his arms solid and warm around your figure.

“Fucking hell…” He mumbled against your hair. “I try so fucking hard to be good to you and you let those schoolboys make you cry?”

You buried your face in his chest. “You’re the one making me cry right now.”

“It’s because I’m right.”

“I don’t need your lecture, Aaron Hotchner.”

You pulled back slightly to look at him. Your gaze collided, and you saw something shift in his eyes. The worried frown was still there, but there was something else— something more intense, subtly primal.

“If you’re expecting an apology then you’re wrong.” The muscle on his jaw ticked before he leaned toward your ear. “You know I can treat you so much better. I’d never make you wait and let someone else take you home. I can spend the entire night proving that to you.”

Without thinking, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, as if testing the waters and his reaction. But then you felt him respond, his hand moving to cup the back of your head, deepening the kiss.

You melted into him, the warmth of his body and the firmness of his touch causing intrinsic need to erupt at the pit of your stomach. The kiss grew messier, wetter, and uncoordinated. His hands found the crest of your breast, caressing you through your shirt with gentle yet possessive strokes. 

He broke the kiss, his breath ragged. “Do you want this?” he asked, his voice low and hoarse.

You nodded immediately, your own breath coming in short gasps. “I do, god, yes…”

You shivered at his touch, pressing your body closer to him. You found yourself unbuttoning your dress shirt, eagerly so, making Aaron smirk as his eyes followed your clumsy movements.

Once undone, you quickly threw your shirt on the ground. A satisfied glint flashed in Aaron’s eyes before he captured your lips again. This time, more urgent. You felt his arms snaking down your body.

“Should’ve known you’re a dirty slut...” A low chuckle rambled in his throat, his lips leaving soft kisses on your jaw. “Did you wear this red lingerie all day? Were you expecting that schoolboy to fuck you tonight, sweetheart?”

“Y-yes…” You moaned.

“Yes what, slut? You’re wearing this all day or that you wanted him to fuck you tonight?” He asked mockingly. “Tell me, baby, have you ever been fucked by a real man?”

“Aaron, please—” You let out a gasp, feeling your cunt getting wetter every second you spent untouched. “The left door– need you– please—”

“How greedy.”

Effortlessly, he perched you on his muscular arms, carrying you straight to the bedroom. All while you clung to him, your fingers tangling in his hair, your heart pounding with lust and anticipation.

He dropped you on the bed, his eyes dark with need. He took a moment to scan you, his gaze sweeping over your body with reverence.

“Take that pants off now. I want to see everything.”

The coldness of his voice sent tingles to your wet cunt. You quickly scrambled to your knees, your trembling hands stiffly finding their way to the button of your slacks. The thin fabric slid down your legs, exposing more of your body. You feel so exposed, all for his eyes.

“Fuck...” He breathed, palming his hard cock through his pants. “I always imagined how you’d look naked. You have no idea how much restraint it took me not to touch you every time we shared a room.”

A coil in your stomach tightened as he loosened his tie, carelessly tossing it on the ground. Now he’s left with his work shirt and pants, and the contrast of your nakedness alone excites you even more.

He stepped closer to the edge of the bed, his pointer finger tilting your chin upward. Just enough for you to meet his eyes.

“Didn’t you say you have a boyfriend, sweetheart?” His lips trailed from your lips to your cheek, slowly, teasingly down to your jaw.

You whimpered. “Hmm… yeah…”

“Care to remind me what that boy did to you?” He taunted, his voice menacingly low. 

The warmth of his big, calloused hands explored the softness of your bare skin. You moaned softly, feeling his thumb and pointer finger rubbing one of your nipples through the thin fabric of your bra.

“He-” You swallowed thickly, clamping your thighs shut. “H-he cheated on me…”

Aaron hummed mockingly, tutting. “And you still want him here right now?”

“No…” You said quickly, blinking dazedly at him. “Want you, Aaron.”

“Is that how you talk to your boss, sweetheart?” He leaned backward, withdrawing his hand from touching you, one of his thick eyebrows raised in question. “For a cheating slut, I’d say you’re quite demanding.”

“Y-you, sir. Want you, please... please, fuck me, sir.”

You ignored the wetness pooling in between your thighs. His eyes were dark and piercing as he took your nakedness in, while you stared back innocently. You reached for his pants, resting your palm on his clothed pelvis.

“I’m sorry, sir,” You said in a whisper, quietly unbuckling his belt as you did so. “I promise, I won’t tell anyone.”

“You better keep your promise, little girl.”

You gave him a sweet smile, Aaron’s chest rose and fell with every breath. His gaze was fixed on your fingers as they fumbled on his belt. The air hummed with anticipation, mirroring the pounding of your heart against your ribs.

As the belt slid free, Aaron’s hand gently cupped your cheek, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. Leaning in, he inserted two of his fingers into your mouth. And you suck diligently, wetting his fingers thoroughly, staring at him all while your hands blindly unzipped his pants. After a few tries, you finally tugged down his pants and underwear, making him hiss quietly.

“Aaron...”

“Yes, sweetheart?” He rasped, frowning at you in concern. “Do you want to stop?”

“Can we… can we film this?”

He glanced at the ceiling, chuckling in disbelief. You watched how his throat bobbed with every swallow, and you squeezed your thighs for some friction. God, you’re so wet.

“And who would you show that, baby?” He asked curiously, pumping his cock in slow motion as he waited for your answer. “Eyes up here, sweetheart. Do you want to show your boyfriend how much of slut you are for an older man’s cock? Is that what you want?”

“Y-yes, sir…”

And that’s how you found yourself on your knees, naked, with Aaron’s big cock deep in your throat, staring up at his phone. Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bed, filming everything.

“What a dirty slut, you like that?” He asked hoarsely, tugging you away from his cock. You gasped loudly, feeling Aaron’s precum and your saliva dripping at the corner of your mouth.

“Thank you, sir...” you smiled breathlessly, closing your eyes as he slapped his veiny cock on your cheek and lip, spreading the wetness across your face.

“Fuck, look at you. You’re so cockdrunk...” He mused, laughing to himself, making sure he was capturing everything on the video. “How does it feel to cheat with your boss, sweetheart?”

“G-good…” You gulped thickly. “Should’ve d-done this soon, sir…” You mumbled in a daze, opening your mouth to take him again but he firmly tapped your cheek to stop you from doing so.

“Lay down and open those pretty legs for me.”

The room smelled like sweat and sex, wrapping you both in the heat of the moment. Soft moans and whispers filled the air, bouncing at the four corners of the room.

You closed your eyes in embarrassment and lay quietly in the middle of the bed, following Aaron’s order. In your past relationships, nothing was ever like this. It was always quick, sometimes even one-sided. You’ve never felt confident with your body, and it’s not like you had too many experiences to learn and grow your confidence from.

“I said open your legs, slut. Are you dumb?” Aaron slapped your thigh using his free hand, the one not holding the phone. “Show me how wet that pussy is.”

You shut your legs even more, shaking your head lightly.

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t tell me you’re shy...” He tutted, feining pity. “Open those legs right now or I’m leaving. Maybe you can call your little boyfriend to take care of you.”

You quickly shook your head, a whimper caught in your throat. You open your legs a little while your hands still covered your wet, glistening cunt. Aaron frowned at the sight, obviously displeased by your slow, unsure actions.

“Don’t test me, little girl.” 

With an impatient sigh, he separated your thighs using his vacant hand. A shiver ran down your spine as the cold air hit your wetness. You watched in silence as Aaron focused his phone on your dripping cunt, running the pad of his middle finger up your clit down to your wet slit.

“You’re so wet, sweetheart. Who’s this for, hm?” He taunted, waiting for your answer.

Your toes curled in anticipation, mumbling. “Yours, sir…”

“Louder, slut. I’m trying to fucking record, remember?”

The world around you melted away as he pressed his middle finger inside your wet cunt. You felt feverish, growing even more desperate as he slowly moved his finger. Your breathing became ragged and heavy as you slowly felt the rhythm.

“Aaron… oh god…” You rasped breathlessly, both your hands reaching for his wrist as he added another finger. “That feels so g-good, sir…”

“Yeah?” He mocked, his teeth sank on his bottom lip as he watched his fingers assault your pussy through the screen of his phone. “Good girl, baby, look at you taking my fingers well.”

“I’m c-close, sir—” Your voice trembled with the intensity of your upcoming orgasm. “Sir, ple—”

“Come for me, sweetheart.”

That’s all it took for your resolution to crumble. Your orgasm racked through you with so much force, your back arching, your lips opened to a silent scream. You never came that hard before. And good God, what have you been missing all along? Aaron watched you with half-lidded eyes, his chest warm with lust and adoration.

“You’re gorgeous, baby.”

You hummed mindlessly, still coming down from your high.

“Need you now, Aaron... Please…” You croaked, throat dry. “Need your cock inside.”

“Say that to the camera, slut.”

You propped yourself a little, immediately facing the phone he was holding. “Need your big cock inside me, sir. Please, fuck me…”

The raw desperation in your voice made him smile. “Ride me then, sweetheart.”

You wasted no time and scrambled to your knees. Aaron deftly took his position and laid on his back. You licked your lips as you stared at his huge cock resting on his stomach. You just know that he’d be big… you just never thought you would see it firsthand. He’s thick and long, with veins decorating it.

Heat crept on your cheeks as you climbed on his lap and sat on his thick cock, grinding your wet pussy and moaning as you felt him pulsate beneath you. You focused your eyes on the camera that was still focused on you, your hands moving to your breasts as you continued grinding on him.

Aaron leaned forward a little and groped one of your tits, slapping it lightly with a breathy sigh.

“Fuck, you’re so hot.”

Your blush deepened. “Condom, sir?”

“Up to you, sweetheart. I’m not active.”

“I’m on birth control…”

Smiling, you took his cock and ground the tip against your wet pussy, letting out a staggering breath as you sank in slow motion. The thickness of his big cock stretched you like never before. You’ve never taken something as big as this. You bit your lower lip as you felt the slight burn of the stretch, focusing on how Aaron’s chest rose in heavy breaths. 

“You’re so warm, baby…” Aaron moaned quietly. “Good girl. Fuck, you feel so good. Go on, sweetheart.”

It didn’t take long for your movement to become desperate. You started bouncing up and down with vigor, chasing both of your highs. Aaron’s big cock reached spots inside your body you never knew existed, his neatly trimmed pubes tickling your sensitive clit. Your moans grew louder and louder as he kept hitting the spongy spot inside you.

“Oh god, sir…” You moaned pathetically, bouncing on his cock in pure desperation. “Ruin me with your cock, Aaron… you feel so good.”

“You’re so tight and warm, sweetheart.” You frowned at him in confusion when he handed you his phone. “Continue filming while I fuck you.”

You accepted his phone and focused the camera on him. His rough hands found your hips. Without warning, he started pistoling his hips, ramming his big cock in and out of your trembling body. You felt the burn of every drag of his cock and you’re not even sure if you’re still capturing something on your video.

“I’m coming, baby…” He said breathlessly. “I’ll fill you with my cum, is that what you want?”

You helped him chase his orgasm by meeting his hard thrusts. “Yes, yes- sir, yes, fill me with your c-cum.”

“Can your boyfriend do this, sweetheart?”

“No, sir, no–” You shook your head frantically, tears stinging your eyes. “O-only you.”

“Damn right, slut. I’m the only one who can do this to you.”

You’re not sure of whatever response left your mouth. You’re a babbling, mindless mess. A cockslut who can only think of Aaron’s big dick ruining you in the nastiest way possible. You can feel your peak nearing, making you whimper in ferality.

“I’ll fill you over and over—” His thick fingers tightened around your waist, leaving red, angry marks on your wake. “Until that’s the only thing you can think about.”

A shrill scream escaped your lips on a particularly hard thrust, feeling Aaron’s big cock pulsate inside you. After a few seconds, warm ropes of cum filled your womb. You shuddered at the feeling, clamping your thighs as they trembled excruciatingly. You didn’t even notice that you already let go of Aaron’s phone, completely forgotten on the cushion.

“F-fuck… Aaron—” You moaned in relief, craning your neck to the ceiling. Flashing lights sparkled even on your closed eyes.

His wet lips trailed on your sweaty neck, his teeth sinking in, leaving fresh sets of marks. “I can be a better boyfriend than him, sweetheart. You know that, right?”

You hummed shakily but you didn’t say anything. The way you’ve gone nonverbal filled Aaron with so much pride.

His hands found your waist again, making you whine as his cock slid out of you. Effortless, he thew you back on the bed, now on all fours. The new position felt primal, and exposing. You quickly felt the tip of Aaron’s hard cock sliding in and out of your dripping cunt, fucking in the trail of cum leaking out of your used pussy.

“I can do this all night, sweetheart. You won’t even think about him.”

I’d love to interact with everybody! And I sure do appreciate any thoughts or reactions. Don’t forget to drink your water and keep slaying, babes!

[luxaofhesperides]

Final hour Ghostlights request! Soulmate AU where when your soul mate dies your soul mark expands. Duke was really heartbroken at first but now his soul mark makes it really difficult to keep his secret identity hidden because he is covered in a map of the cosmos. He has to use his shadow powers almost constantly to keep all the stars hidden! And and maybe they light up like actual stars when he uses his light powers.

He meets Danny at orientation or something at GU and they brush against each other and he just lights up like a supernova, all his stars literally blazing and he's just like "YOU!" Both excited and also OH MY GOD YOU ASSHOLE.

....I rambled a bit here I'm so sorry.

The thing about soulmates is that you don’t really know who they are until they die. And even then, most people never know who their soulmate was, only that they outlived them.

Duke became one of those people when he was thirteen. 

He didn’t even notice until he went to change and saw the watercolor swirl of nebula spill out from over his heart. 

One moment, he was tired and angry, ready to sneak out of his latest foster home to search for his parents and do all the things adults have failed to do. The next, he’s collapsed on his knees, shaking, unable to breathe as he tries to rip his soulmark off of his skin. He couldn’t think past the shock and horror of realizing that his soulmate is dead and Duke didn’t even know until that moment. 

They’ll never get to meet. 

Duke had never felt so alone before. 

He spent the next few days in shock, his mind a mess of static, unable to focus. He hid away in his room, buried under the covers, and his foster parents were understanding when he whispered my soulmate’s dead. They called him out of school and brought him food and water throughout the day, gentle encouraging him to eat something every few hours. 

But disaster waits for no one, and Batman was gone, so Duke pulled himself out of his misery and hit the streets again. 

So his soulmate’s dead. So his parents are gone. So Gotham’s falling apart.

No one’s doing anything about it, so it’s up to Duke to start fixing things. It’s not like he had much to lose.

Soulmates become a bit of a taboo topic to him, after that. He speaks of them to no one, avoids all conversation about them, refuses to stay when people talk about soulmarks. He tries not to look at his soulmark at all.

And then he takes a hit to the chest and patches himself up with shaking hands. For the first time in months he looks at his soulmark again and…

Did it… grow? 

Duke prods it gently, letting out a hiss when his bruised ribs protest at the movement. He remembers the mark being right over his heart. 

But looking at it now, it branches out, swirls of galaxy and constellations reaching out along his ribcage. 

Panicked, Duke grabs for his computer and looks up soulmark growth and webmd soulmark abnormalities.

Neither give him any answers, though WebMD helpfully suggests skin cancer. 

“I’m gonna ignore this,” Duke decides, and pulls on a shirt and goes to sleep. The less he thinks about his dead soulmate, the better. 

Time passes and Duke goes from being a Robin to being the Signal, a legitimate vigilante working with Batman. It’s nice to see Gotham start to settle, things falling into place. For once, nothing is awful; Duke’s found his parents and doctors are looking for a cure for long-term exposure to Joker Gas, Batman’s taking care of Gotham with a number of other Bats, Duke is getting used to his powers and slowly making a good name for himself out on the streets. 

He keeps his focus on protecting people and getting stronger, helping solve cases with the other Bats. No one mentions soulmates, so he keeps his ever expanding soulmark a secret. 

The only problem is that it keeps growing and Duke is concerned that it’ll move to a place he can’t easily hide under his clothes. 

And he does need to hide them. The more his soulmark has grown, the more obvious it is, especially when he uses his powers and the stars on his skin light up like the Fourth of July. He knows it’s abnormal, but it’s also his soulmark and he doesn’t want anyone, least of all Bruce, poking around trying to study it. 

The grief still lingers when he looks at it, but Duke has long since grown used to it. If anything, these days he’s quietly annoyed by how far the galaxies on his skin spread out, forcing him to take tank tops and shorts out of his wardrobe. 

There’s also the tentative hope that maybe his soulmate is immortal and keeps coming back to life after they die. And they must also have terrible luck, because they just keep on dying.

Case in point: his soulmark flares and spills out onto his shoulder and wraps around his bicep. It’s not the first time he’s seen it move, but it still startles him.

“Are you serious,” Duke mutters to himself, pulling at his sleeve to adjust it and hopefully hide his soulmark. The starts are bright against his skin, and while sometimes he likes to trace them with his finger, now is not one of those times.

As pretty as it is, his soulmark is also very obvious and will cause people to realize his identity if they ever catch a glimpse of it while he’s out as Signal. 

He sighs. There’s no choice but to live out the rest of his life in hoodies and sweatshirts. 

As if to spite him, his soulmark grows once more. 

Did his soulmate just die twice in the span of five minutes? That’s concerning. 

He wishes he could meet them just so he can shake some sense into them. Maybe tell them to stop dying since it’s stressing him out so much. Maybe stick by their side to make sure they never have to die again. He’s honestly not sure what he’d do if he ever meets his soulmate, but he has to do something. This has gotten out of hand.

At least seeing his soulmark grow doesn’t hurt as much as it did a few years ago. 

Lazily, he pulls at the light around him to hide the new portions of the soulmark on his arm from sight. It takes some focus, but he can hold it up long enough for him to grab a snack from the kitchen and retreat up to his room without being questioned by anyone. He could probably even keep this shirt on for the college orientation he needs to attend later in the day if the light works well enough to keep his secrets hidden. 

He’s expecting Alfred in the kitchen when he arrives, but is greeted by Dick clapping a hand on his shoulder, right where his soulmark has claimed space. Duke falters and works to keep the light from fracturing as he returns Dick’s grin. 

“Hey man,” he says, “What are you doing here? I thought you were out until Friday.”

“And miss a chance to hang out with you? No way. Besides, I wanted to give you a ride to your orientation.”

“You don’t have to,” Duke starts, only for Dick to cut him off.

“I’m going to,” he says, as if it’s a threat. “It’s been too long since we get to spend time together without a mask on. Are you really going to deprive me of this?”

Duke shakes off Dick’s hand from his shoulder, walking towards the pantry to find a small snack. “I guess not. It’s going to be pretty boring for you, though. I’m just going to listen to people talk about what college is like for a few hours.”

“We could always just walk around campus afterwards. I haven’t seen it since it was rebuilt after the last time Freeze attacked it.”

“Sure, that sounds fun. Thanks for offering to drive me.” Duke pulls out a box of Poptarts hidden behind stacks of pasta boxes and pulls out a pack for himself. He opens it and isn’t at all surprised when Dick steals one right out of his hands. 

“Meet me out front in an hour then.” 

And with that, Dick leaves, his stolen Poptart in hand, and Duke is left to shake his head and shove the Poptart box back into its hiding place. He heads off to eat his own snack, making sure no one is in the hallway as he lets go of his hold on the light. Already he can feel a migraine building with the immense focus he had to use to make sure nothing looked out of place.

At least Dick didn’t notice anything was off. If he can fool Dick, he can fool anyone.

Still, just to be safe, Duke changes into something with longer sleeves before he leaves and hops into the car with Dick. 

The drive goes quickly to the tunes of ABBA, both of them singing along as they head for the GCU campus. Parking is a bit tricky, but they manage to find a spot a street away and walk towards the student union, where tables are laid out for incoming freshmen to sign in and grab a folder filled with papers meant to help them. 

He waves to Dick and heads in once he gets his folder, and grabs a seat in the auditorium that’s close to a fire exit. 

It takes another twenty minutes for the presentations to start. The lights dim and Duke panics for a brief moment before drawing the shadows over himself lightly to hide the soft glow of the star etched onto his skin. 

They start with introductions, bringing in advisors, professors, and student ambassadors. Most of it is basic information that Duke already knows, so he zones out and plays with some shadows at his feet, where no one can see the way he twists shadows together like some dark magic form of finger knitting.

For the next hour, Duke halfheartedly listens to people talk about preparing for classes and keeping on top of schoolwork and learning how to ask for help. He’s saved enough college students that he knows the gist of things, and the orientation really doesn’t give him anything helpful. 

He probably could have skipped, but he wanted a normal college experience. 

He should have known that normal means boring as hell.

As soon as the presentation ends, an advisor encourages everyone to follow the schedule tucked into their folder to give them a half day modeled after a typical student’s schedule. Of course, all the classes are nonsense just to fill up their time, made to help freshmen coming into the college by covering topics such as how to write an email and an introduction to majors and minors.

Duke already declared himself as a Human Services major, his first step into becoming a social worker like his mom was. 

Also he totally knows how to write an email, what are these advisors on about? Do they really think people his age can’t write emails? 

Yeah, he’s ditching. The main presentation is really the only part that matters in the orientation. He’s not walking out on anything he needs.

Duke files out after the rest of the crowd, carefully letting the shadows slip off of him once he’s outside again. Instead of finding the first ‘class’ he’s supposed to go to in the Modern Languages building, he wanders off to find a quiet place he can sit down and wait until Dick finds him. 

Tucked away towards the back half of the campus is a small nook full of trees, bushes, and benches. Judging by the amount of cigarette butts left in the single trash can there, it’s a popular smoking spot. 

No one’s there, so the air is clean and free of smoke, so Duke heads in, hoping to sit down.

Someone else apparently has the same idea. He hops down from one of the concrete planters that’s keeping a bush contained and nearly falls on Duke.

They both shout in surprise, then Duke is moving without thinking, reaching out to steady the startled looking guy who accidentally jumped down in front of him. 

Duke only has time to take note of how blue his eyes are before his hands wrap around the guy’s wrist and Duke feels his soulmark flare with warmth.

In the shade of the trees, the glow of each star on his skin is obvious. It’s visible even through the fabric of his shirt. His soulmark, at this point in his life, stretches across his chest, his ribs, his back, and now his shoulders and upper arms. All the stars in that watercolor galaxy are shining brightly as if the night sky has been draped across his body.

Soulmarks only react like that for one reason.

“You!” Duke shouts at his soulmate, both elated to see that he’s alive and annoyed that he made Duke’s soulmark so large. “Stop dying! Do you have any idea how much stress you’ve caused me?!”

“Oh my god,” the guy says faintly, eyes fixed on Duke’s chest where his soulmark originally rested, shining brighter and bigger than any other star, as if he’s tucked a sun into his heart. “Oh my god,” he says again, with more feeling.

“I’m so happy you’re alive, but please stop dying. It’s bad for my health.”

“I think I need to sit down?”

He does look very pale and faint. Duke tightens his grip on his soulmate’s arms and guides him to a bench, gently sitting him down.

“You’re not about to die, right?” Duke asks. “I don’t think my heart could take it if meeting me killed you somehow.”

“No, no,” his soulmate manages to say, “I’m not going to die. Um. Wow. I didn’t know my soulmark would do that? Sorry.”

“Well, it’s not like you had any way of knowing. It’s all good, man. Just please stop dying.”

His soulmate winces. “Yeah, that’s not gonna be possible. Sorry. Again.”

What does that mean, though? What does it all mean?

“Can I maybe get an explanation as to why you have to die again.”

“Mmmmm no. We just met and it’s kinda personal so. No.”

“Dude.”

Duke’s soulmate shrugs helplessly. “It really is personal! I know your my soulmate and all, so I’ll probably tell you one day, but right now I don’t even know your name.”

Oh shit. He’s right. Introductions completely slipped his mind, too busy reeling over the fact that his soulmate is here and alive. Which, honestly, would be enough to throw anyone off balance.

“Shoot,” Duke says. “Sorry. You just really caught me off guard. Hi, I’m Duke, I promise I’m more put together than that.”

“Hi Duke, I’m Danny, and I’ve apparently been traumatizing you for the past few years by making you think I keep dying.”

“Well. At least we’re thrown head first into the crazy. Best way to know if we’re be a good match.”

“You sure you can handle this? You seemed pretty frazzled a second ago.”

Duke flusters and lightly whacks Danny’s shoulder. “That’s normal! Anyone would do the same when meeting their soulmate for the first time!”

“Fair enough,” Danny laughs. “This is a totally weird request and you can absolutely say no, but… can I see?” He presses a hand against one of the glowing stars beneath this collar bone, looking up at Duke with wide, hopeful blue eyes, and Duke finds it so cute that he’s willing to do anything Danny wants. 

“Here,” he says as an answer, pulling the collar of his shirt down a bit to reveal the nebula spilling onto his shoulder. 

“Oh,” Danny breathes, tracing a light finger against it. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m guessing you like space?”

“Love it. I wanted to be an astronaut, but uh…. It’s never going to happen. Health problems, you know?”

“Well, I know it’s not the same, but I hope the stars you put on my body will be a good enough replacement.”

Danny cheeks turn red and he turns away, flustered. “Don’t smooth talk me right now, I’m not ready for it,” he mutters, bringing up a hand to try to hide his expression. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Duke laughs, “I’ll try to keep the flirting down to a minimum. It’s just really great to finally meet you. And I’ve been wondering, what’s your soulmark look like?”

“Oh, well…” Danny fiddles with the long sleeve of his shirt. “I had a pretty bad accident years ago that kinda affected how my soulmark looks. So if it looks weird, that’s why, okay?” He takes a deep breath, then pushes up his sleeve, holding his wrist out to Duke. 

The first thing Duke notices is the soft yellow glow, Signal yellow to be precise, running down his arm as if sunlight fills his veins. Then he sees Danny’s soulmark, a sun with rays that wrap around his wrist. And running through his soulmark are Lichtenberg scars, glowing yellow as if stealing the color from his soulmark. 

“Guess we both got super obvious soulmarks, huh? At least we kinda match, that way.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” Danny agrees. 

“Man, what a day.” 

Danny looks more relaxed with him now. It’s much better than the startled, tense version of him that first sat down on the bench. Duke hopes he chooses to stay with him; he doesn’t admit this often, willingly, or to other people, but he’s a romantic at heart and has always wanted to live a happy life with his soulmate. It’s still far off in the future, but he hopes Danny feels the same way.

“So, are you ditching the orientation classes to?” Danny asks.

“Yeah, there’s no way I’m going. I mean, a class on how to send emails? They can’t be serious.”

“I know, right?! I saw that and thought I was being pranked. I mean, we’re going into college. We better know how to send an email by now.”

“Since we’re both free for now, wanna grab lunch with me? It can be our first date, if you want.”

“I’d love to! And you can show me around Gotham a bit. I’m coming here for college, but I haven’t really seen the city yet. It’d be nice to explore it with someone who knows where things are.”

“Are you free for the rest of the day? ‘Cause I wouldn’t mind showing you around, if you want.”

Danny smiles, radiant. “I am. I’m in your hands for the rest of the day.”

“Cool,” Duke says, trying not to think too much on that wording. It’s very suggestive, very flirtatious, and he’s looking forward to getting to know Danny more so he can start properly flirting. “Lemme just let my brother know to not wait up for me.”

He pulls out his phone and sends Dick a text that just reads: met my soulmate. going on a date now. i’ll see u back at the manor!

Then he puts his phone on silent and tucks it back into his pocket. He’ll tell Dick all about this later; for now, all his attention is on Danny. 

Soulmates get priority, even stressful ones that give him the largest soulmark he’s ever seen. 

And right now, he’s on a mission to find the best lunch spot to take his soulmate to for their first date. Everything else can come later; for now, he’s going to enjoy the time he gets to spend with Danny.

He hopes they’ve got a future together as bright as the stars in his soulmark. 

Despite it all, Duke is sure they’re going to be alright.

[melzula]

I JUMPED WHEN I SAW REQUESTS OPEN

zuko unintentionally saying something he doesn’t mean to reader (ex. ur clingy/annoying) and makes the reader like kinda distant cus they don’t wanna be annoying or clingy yk? then he comforts them and says sorry and it’s very much a angst to fluff moment!

a/n: i love this trope

summary: your sudden disappearance makes zuko reevaluate his behavior

The apartment is empty when Zuko returns from the tea shop. His bones ache from standing all day and his mood is sour from having to serve customers, but it doesn’t distract him from the fact that something is missing. The place feels dull and lacks its normal warmth, and the change unnerves him.

“It seems y/n has not yet returned home,” Iroh observes as he flicks on the lamps to rid the room of darkness.

“Where did she go?” Zuko murmurs, doing his best to mask his anxiety over your absence. It’s not like you to stay out late, especially considering your apartment isn’t exactly in one of the safer rings of Ba Sing Se, and it worries him.

“I’m not sure. She seemed to be in a hurry when she left this morning,” the older man recounts as he scans the room to look for any trace of her left behind. “She didn’t even have her morning tea!”

“She could be in danger. I’m going to search for her.”

“Would you like me to come with you?”

“No, one of us should stay here in case she comes back,” Zuko states before making his way out the door. “I don’t want her to come home to any empty apartment.”

“Be sure to watch your temper if you do find her, nephew. Y/n is struggling to adjust to this new life just as you are, and it is important you are patient with her.”

The Prince says nothing in response to his Uncle’s words, but he immediately feels the guilt and shame that they bring him. His warning serves as a reminder for his recent behavior, and Zuko is then able to figure out why you were nowhere to be found.

You’d been eating breakfast together that morning before he had to leave for work, and despite his irritable mood you seemed to be eager to start the day.

“I was thinking of visiting the market place to buy fresh groceries for dinner tonight. Maybe I could stop by the tea shop and bring lunch for you and your Uncle,” you suggested with a pleasant smile.

“Sure,” Zuko had grumbled in response before forcing another spoonful of bland porridge down his throat.

“And after dinner we can visit the fountain,” you had said with an excited smile. “I’d love to take a walk through the city and get some fresh air. We hardly ever leave the apartment.”

“This city is nothing but dirt. There’s nothing to see out there.”

“Oh,” you had murmured, your features deflating slightly at his negative comments. “I suppose you’re right. Maybe we can just stay in and play a game of pai sho instead. I’m not exactly sure how to play, but I bet you could teach me! It could be fun!”

“Don’t you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak?!” Zuko had finally snapped harshly, his patience finally having been worn thin by your ceaseless suggestions. He didn’t want to take a stroll or play pai sho or have any sort of fun, and he didn’t understand why you couldn’t get that. “This isn’t some little vacation. I failed to capture the Avatar and now we’re stuck here, do you understand? Go play pai sho with someone else.”

The room had grown deathly silent after Zuko’s outburst, and he was too annoyed to notice the way you kept your gaze glued firmly to the table to avoid him see the welling tears in your eyes. Without another word, you quietly excused yourself from the table and made your way out the door without an explanation or a goodbye. Zuko hadn’t seen you since.

“I’m such a jerk,” he curses himself as he roams the streets in search of you. You’re not in the market place and you’re not by the fountain, so where could you be? He’s beginning to worry, his mind conjuring up multiple scenarios where you’re in trouble and he can’t help you. It’s pure torture.

A familiar laugh floats through the air, and Zuko feels the hairs on his neck stand up at the soothing melody. He’s quick to follow the sound, and as he shoves his way through the crowded streets he finds himself coming to a stop at a small noodle shop. The shop is practically tucked into a corner and isn’t much to look at, but the inside is full of life as patrons eat and converse and enjoy the camaraderie. At the heart of the restaurant sits a table full of people focused on the game of pai sho before them, and at the center of the table you sit with a large grin and a white lotus tile in your hand.

“I can’t believe I won!” You exclaim with an excited clap of your hands before looking to the older woman sitting next to you. “Thank you so much for teaching me how to play. This is the most fun I’ve had in months!”

“Y/n?” Zuko calls, garnering the attention of you and your new friends at the table. The airy laughter and pleasantries die down at the sight of him and the room is suddenly filled with tension.

“Oh, hello, Lee,” you greet dully, your cheerful demeanor immediately disappearing when you make eye contact with the boy.

“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home?”

“You said to go play pai sho with someone else, so that’s what I’m doing,” you state bluntly, and Zuko looks away guiltily after hearing his own words repeated back to him.

“Can you please just come home? You shouldn’t be out on the streets this late, it’s dangerous.”

“Why do you care?” You retort harshly. “I’m having fun here. These people actually want my company.”

“Y/n,” Zuko says with an irritated sigh, doing his best to remain patient. “Please. If not for me then for Uncle. He’s just as worried for your safety as I am.”

You hesitate at his words, but after a moment of contemplating you finally excuse yourself from the table. You bid your new friends goodbye and promise to return for another game sometime before following Zuko out of the restaurant and beginning your walk back home.

“The moon is out tonight,” he notes quietly in an attempt to make small talk, but you don’t reply. You keep your gaze forward and maintain a respectable distance from him as you walk. “Maybe I was wrong about this place.”

“Congratulations for figuring that out,” you retort sarcastically with a roll of your eyes. Having finally had enough, Zuko grabs your wrist to stop you in your tracks and force you to look at him.

“Y/n, please talk to me,” he begs earnestly. “I feel horrible for what I’ve done.”

“Good, you should feel bad!” You exclaim angrily, harshly yanking your hand away from him. “You’ve been nothing but a jerk since we got to Ba Sing Se, and now that I’m finally giving you the space that you wanted you come and ruin my fun!”

“I don’t want space from you,” he insists desperately. “I was being an idiot! Y/n, I didn’t mean any of what I said. I was just feeling irritable and I took it out on you, but that isn’t fair of me.”

“I’m not going to be your punching bag for the rest of my life, Zuko,” you relent quietly, blinking back the tears that begin to form. “All I want is to start over, but you’re making it so difficult. Why did we even come here?”

“We came here because I realized you deserved better than to constantly live your life on the run,” he admits softly, carefully taking your hands in his own. “I know I’ve failed to make you happy or treat you the way you deserve, but you have to know that I care for you. The best part of my day is coming home to you after work, and I never want you to feel like a burden because you aren’t.”

“Thank you for saying that,” you sniffle with a meek smile, and when he pulls you into his arms for a hug you don’t protest. “I know this has been hard for you, but you have to understand that all I want is to support you and make the change as easy as possible for you.”

“I know, and I’ll forever be grateful for everything you do,” Zuko says before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “Now let’s get home before Uncle begins to worry.”

You say nothing more as he puts a protective arm around you and guides you through the streets of Ba Sing Se. The move has been tough, but he swears then that he’s going to do his best to improve his attitude and give you the support you need.

He has a lot of making up to do.

| zuko tags: @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @taeeemin @lora21 @livelaughlovekuni @lovialy

| atla tags: @sirkekselord @niktwazny303

[marcsburnerphone]

And they were roommates

(Captain John price x F!reader)

Summary: the captain wants somewhere more homely to settle down and when an offer like yours comes alight on Zillow he must take up on it.

Warnings: angsty (minimal), john being slightly troubled, alcohol, reader being slightly embarrassing.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5!! -part 6

—————-

You wake up to the sun softly beaming in your room. Limbs stretching beyond the covers. You look around a little confused as to when you got back in your bedroom. Then it all came together. John, John leaves today.

You get out of the covers leaving your bedroom hoping he’s still there but of course to your disappointment he’s gone. You head to the kitchen knowing at least there will be a note. 

Good morning doll, I thought of waking you but decided against it, though I might regret it. The movie was good, you seemed to really be enjoying it also:) Here's the phone number of a friend in case any problems arise. Next time I’m back I hope to see another painting - John 

(xxx-xxx-xxxx) - nick

You stare at it trying not to let your emotions get the best of you. So you fold it and put it in the kitchen drawer. Although John was an awfully quiet roommate you could feel the weight of his absence. The cold floor beneath your feet has grown warm for how long you’ve stood there. You make your way towards the front door deciding that an iced coffee and a long drive with music will rid you of this feeling you can’t decipher it feels like want but in a way it’s also need but what is it you want and need? Not even you could answer that question.

Long story short you think it made the feeling intensify.

————-

1 month in

You’ve booked your schedule full leaving not an ounce of time for yourself. From the morning till night you had clients which were good for money but really it was a distraction for your mind. That same feeling felt like it was running into new veins every day seemingly consuming you. 

You tried to start a new painting but something was off about the color scheme and it was a waste not only of time but material and energy. You wonder how John is.

————-

2 months in

No problems have arisen since he’s been gone. It's like the house knows you’ll call the expensive plumber instead of John’s friend. 

However you have started a painting you are beginning to like. It’s a mix of hues you’ve never used before blues and oranges, a flame. You don’t know where or why the idea came to you but it’s what you wanted so you started it. A single candle is the outline, and the surrounding of it is the orange yellowish aura of a flame. You tried making ratatouille the other day and although it was good you wished it was made out of pepperonis like your childhood mind had imagined. You forgot there was no longer anyone to finish left overs so you ate it for three days straight.

Also you bought a new rug.

————-

3 months in

You’ve begun putting the final laminate on the painting. It’s taken you far longer than it would’ve if you hadn’t accepted 15 new clients. Not that you mind anyways. 

You’re also a little ambivalent to the idea of John paying for 6 months of rent when he doesn’t even live here during it. 

Besides that life seems stagnant and you’ve begun to lock your bedroom door at night again. 

————

4 months in

The painting now hangs a foot away from where the other one in front of John’s door does. It’s a beautiful contrast and really you were overjoyed at the outcome. You also randomly decided it’d be a good idea one night after too much wine to order new furniture for the outside deck. When it arrived you were one in disbelief of all the building pieces and and two excited to have something more to do. 

You should've stayed up the night John left.

————

5 months in  

Redecorating the deck wasn’t enough change. You needed a makeover physically but couldn’t decide how. Maybe a tattoo? No. New makeup? No. How about a haircut?  Fuck it, yes. 

So you did just that, you got a few almost unnoticeable highlights and chopped a good amount off. After the fact you were obsessed. Was it impulsive and could it have gone so horribly wrong, yes. But did it? No. 

———

6 months in 

John’s still not back and it’s all you could think about. What if something happened to him? What if he wasn’t coming back? You worried yourself sick so much so you physically became sick. 

You waited week by week for anything, maybe he’s back on base but just hasn’t come back home yet. But something was telling you it was more than that. 

———-

7 months in 

At this point worrying wasn’t going to make him appear. Your hobbies have now turned into distractions. So tonight you sit in the living room with a glass of wine and watch another rom com. You’re as comfy as can be in this cold brutal weather. It stays below 30 degrees Fahrenheit during this time of year and the snow bites at any unclothed skin. 

You fall asleep to the small hum of the heater while on the couch. Thick blanket thrown across you and tv playing as background chatter. 

You don’t know when you wake but it’s still dark outside when you hear someone that sounds distressed. Your groggy mind isn’t processing that the sound is coming from inside the house. But when it does you're up in a second looking around as your eyes try to adjust to the darkness. 

“Fuck!” You hear from down the hall. John’s room.

You walk quietly towards it as he continues to chant that word. Suddenly it falls silent and you just hear what sounds to be deep breaths. You don’t know what wills you to knock, but you do. 

“John, are you okay?” You ask softly from behind the closed door. He doesn’t respond but you know he’s in there from the quiet but quick breathing. 

“No.” He says with that familiar deep drawl.

You open the door slowly to see him sitting on the floor near the corner of his bed clearly distressed. You take notice of the mess wondering how you slept through the making of it. There’s glass from somewhere on the floor and clothes strewn but when you look at him your heart breaks. He’s in full uniform, vest on, belt with equipment on, as if he didn’t stop anywhere. Just came straight here. His hair has grown out to an odd length and his beard has grown longer. 

“I can’t get this fucking vest off.” He interrupts your thoughts looking at you with a sense of sorrow. You kneel to where he is careful to avoid glass. His eyes don’t glance up to meet yours; they stay fixated on his hands that are covered in dirt.

“May I?” You gesture towards the plastic buckles on the vest. He nods and you start with the two at his shoulders. Then you reach down his chest to undo the two near his belt buckle. You realize it must be connected somewhere in the back when it doesn’t come off. He leans forwards as you look trying to avoid the bloodstains that taint the once green vest and sure enough the tiniest but mightiest buckle is on the center of his lower back. He shrugs it off with a sigh. 

“Better?” You ask softly.

“Yeah, Thankyou.” He slowly tilts his head back to lean on the comforter and you don’t move an inch. 

“What can I do?” Truthfully you’ve never been in a situation so unbearably awkward but so unwilling to just leave.

“Just sit here with me.” So you do. You scoot right next to him and lean your head on his shoulder. He couldn’t admit it but the nights he slept in cold frost biting weather the thought of returning to your warm presence got him through.

“He almost died.” His voice gives out at the end of that sentence.

“Who?” 

“Johnny, it would’ve been my fault. One second later and they would’ve put a bullet through his skull.”

“But he’s okay?” You know John loves his team even though he doesn’t outwardly say it.

“He’s perfectly fine.” 

“Worrying about what could’ve been will kill you.” 

“Sometimes I feel like that’s what I deserve for some of the things I’ve done.” 

“If not you it would be someone else making the world a better place.” 

“I know.” 

You sit there with him for a while in silence. He can barely believe he made it back alive but right now the battle feels worth it. He hears soft snores not too long later and realizes you’ve fallen back to sleep. His head leans to rest above yours as he closes his eyes. He knows sleep won’t come to him but he’s never had you this close and for now he’ll cherish it.

————-

When you woke up again the sun had risen and a golden glow lit John’s room. 

“John.” You whisper trying not to move your head in case he’s sleeping.

“Yeah doll.” He lifts his head to look at you.

“I’m so sorry.” You feel slightly embarrassed and bad that you just fell asleep on him.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” He sighs before standing on his feet with a groan then offering you hand to help you up.

“I’m going to shower.” He says as you dust yourself off.

“After can I give you a haircut?” He laughs a little at your not so subtle realization of his long hair..

“If you’d like.” 

“I’d love.” You say before leaving, assuring him you’d be back when he's done.

You pick up your mess from the previous night. Folding your blanket and putting it back in the basket near the couch. Taking your wine glass to the sink and rinsing it out. You go to your room and change into an outfit for the day and do your morning routine. After you grab your shears, clippers and cape. By the time you're done doing all of this you no longer hear the water running meaning John’s done with his shower. You knock on his door lightly.

“Come in.” You walk in to see him sweeping up his mess with the small house broom and can’t help but smile at the sight. 

“Come on, let's cut your hair in the bathroom, better lighting and you can see what I’m doing.” You say heading straight there. You sit him on the little bathroom bar stool that’s been in there since your ex moved out. Once he’s sitting the only cape you have is pink so you throw it on him begging yourself to not laugh which you fail causing him to smirk. 

“Okay so I’m just gonna clean it up, fade the sides a very little, cut the top with shears and what not.” You let him know.

“You cut your hair?” He replies, staring at you through the mirror.

“Yeah so?” You smile.

“I like it, it looks good.” You feel that feeling only johns been able to provoke.

“Thankyou.” You begin the cut, slowly combing out sections making sure to be precise. He seems far more relaxed than you’d imagined as you just freely cut at the top. After the matter once you're satisfied you shave the sides a little just enough to where it looks cleaner. 

“Can I do your beard and mustache?” 

“You're the hairstylist, not me?” Is all he says. 

So you do, very carefully, mere inches away from his face your hands hold one side of his jaw softly to trim the other side. He watches your expression intently. The way when you’re focused there’s a crease that forms between your eyebrows and your pupils blow a little wide.

“All done.”  You say pulling him from his trance. You move his face with your hands really checking to make sure all is well.

“Very handsome.” You compliment before turning around to rinse your shears and put them away. 

“Thank You doll.” He says examining it himself in the mirror thoroughly pleased with how well you did even though he knows you don’t cut men’s hair. He doesn’t notice you grab his beard oil from the cabinet till you're smoothing it between your hands and asking him to face you so you can rub it through the coarse brown hair. Ever the nurturer.

It feels like time apart only made you two feel closer somehow. Or maybe it’s because you wanted to be close and those feelings were equally reciprocated. 

The rest of that day John had loads of paperwork to file, sign and report. So he did that, he sat in his office for long hours going through the process. The only thing that slightly lightened this burden was your voice humming in the kitchen as you cooked something. You’d stopped by and offered him some which he gladly accepted from your giving hands. Hours later you bid him a goodnight and went to bed and even then he had so much more left.

—————

The next day you catch John in the kitchen and tell him there’s something you must show him.

“So you built it all yourself?” He says as you show him your little project you did outside. There’s a thick coat wrapped around you as you don’t fully step outside to avoid slipping on the icy ground. Him though, he stands on it with no problem in what looks like military issued boots. 

“Yes I did.” You say proudly despite his clear disdain.

“I missed you, even your stubbornness.” After the months John’s been through there was no point in hiding the way he was feeling.

“I missed you too.” You smile while clearly avoiding his gaze.

How had he missed this all along?

“Would you like to go out for drinks?”

“What?” You turn around to meet his eyes.

“Can I take you out for drinks?” What being mere inches away from death does to a man.

“Yeah.” 

-

You both silently walk away trying to break the bounds of the tense pull that makes you want to gravitate towards each other. You put on something cute but also warm and slip on some brown doc martens as your choice of shoe. You do light makeup as you give yourself a pep talk.

“Only two drinks, only two drinks.” You have to tell yourself cause after two your too you. 

You hear John putting his shoes on by the hallway and take in the sight of him, brown leather jacket and beanie. You’re not sure how he’s going to stay warm in that but something tells you he will.

“Ready?” He asks and you nod nervously.

-

“Okay, hold on, I have to do this really slow or I’ll fall.” You say stepping slowly out onto the ground below the porch stairs. 

“Well come here I’ll help you.” He offers his hand. You grab it softly, swooning at the way it encompasses your own. There’s something inside of him that doesn’t even want you to risk walking on this floor but of course he also doesn’t want to push. 

“Okay nice and slow.” You’re not even taking full steps, just small slides. You clutch his hand for dear life and he loves it. 

“Good girl.” He says once you reach the door of his truck which he opens for you. He doesn’t let go till you sit inside then only does he slip his hand from your warm one and closes the door. 

“Which pub?” You ask as he turns on the heater only for your sake.

“The one downtown near the little Italian grocer.” You know exactly which one he’s talking about. Its dim light atmosphere is cozy but fun but usually full of mainly couples.

“Mkay.” You say looking out the window at the gloomy sky realizing it just might rain. 

He glances your way during the small drive, your scent of your floral perfume mixed with his of cardamom and musk is quite perfect. 

“You alright?” He asks.

“Yeah, just comfy, you?” He grins at your response.

“Never been better.”

He pulls into one of the street parking spots and despite the weather the streets are full, he gets out to put coins inside the slot for time before heading to your side of the car. 

“Wait, I'm scared.” You say realizing that the distance to the bar doesn’t seem to be a survivable one. 

“Come on, I'll hold your hand.”

“I’ll fall regardless.”

“Want me to carry you?” He genuinely offers.

“What?” You laugh. 

“Doll I’m very serious I will carry you, just get on my back.”

“What if we both fall?” 

“I’m not falling, trust me.” He says turning around motions for you to get on his back.

“Okay then.” You hook your legs around his upper waist and his arms reach to tuck themselves firmly beneath your knees.

“Comfortable?” He asks. He’s sure you can hear his heart racing from the proximity you’re in. 

“Very.” All your dreams of climbing this man have come true. 

You shut the door as he steps onto the sidewalk. You tuck your chin in by his neck for warmth. He smells woodsy with a hint of musk, it makes your head spin.

“How are you not slipping?” You say very suspicious.

“Doll I could run on this floor with these boots on.” He answers looking slightly over his shoulder at you.

“Well don’t.” You say seriously and he laughs as he approaches the bar, opening the door and setting you softly on the floor. 

He finds you both a booth in the corner and sits on the side where he can see the entire bar, very John of John.

“What do you drink?” He asks, trying to make conversation. Suddenly the air feels very intimate, almost too intimate for what he considers his old man heart.

“When I’m out, martinis.” 

“Espresso?” 

“Mhmm.” You’re trying your hardest to hold the eye contact he’s giving you but something about the blue in his eyes and creases on the side of them has you breaking it quicker than it started.

“I’ll be back then.” He says sliding out of the booth feeling slightly accomplished.

You sit there looking at the lively pub, how many romances are at their peak here, how many friends are having the best night of their lives, how you amongst them are finally feeling like you again. 

“Here we are.” He says returning with two glasses, his is a classic bourbon with a square ice cube in the glass.

“Thankyou.” You say as he slides it over to you.

“So what’d you do while I was gone, other than be reckless and build furniture.” He asks as you sip from your glass.

“I did lots of hair, painted a bit, found new color schemes for decor and that’s kinda it, I’d ask you the same question but I fear you can’t answer.” 

“Your fears are true.”

“That Kate woman, she's very pretty.” Are you a little jealous?

“Yeah she’s also very married.” He says it like he doesn’t know what you're on about.

“And also not into men.” You nearly choke on your drink and swallow hard to get it down.

“Well I was just saying.” Sure you were.

You two have small chatter as you go through drinks. You tried to offer the second round but John said no for you to just stay in your seat. He came back with thirds and you definitely were starting to feel the effects of the previous two, him though not at all.

“So you’re telling me John you as very um good looking as you are haven’t had a girlfriend in how long?” 

“Eight years.” He says while being very amused with your light hearted, open attitude.

“That’s just not right.”

“No?” 

“No, personally, well never mind.” You’re not drunk enough to say what you were about too.

“What about you, why no boyfriends?” 

“I’m very, I would say needy I guess clingy even, I’m a double texter, someone who worries and loves too much and I think that can be overwhelming for a lot of people.” You admit.

“Don’t believe that.” He says, sounding a little annoyed.

“For the right person you could never be overwhelming.” He says looking at you intensely and this time you can’t seem to look away.

Once your third drink is finished it’s raining outside and you’re words away from trouble.

“John?” 

“Yeah doll.”

“You make me feel alive again.” You admit, the alcohol has casted a pretty shade of pink on your cheeks as you lean your head on your hand and John doesn’t think he’s ever been more entranced. 

“You and me both, here drink some water.” He slides it to you. You’re sweet, too sweet. He feels like if he touches you physically or emotionally he’d be tainting art.

“Has anyone told you you're very climbable?” 

“It’s time for us to get going, you're quite the light weight.” He laughs offering you a hand as you slide off the booth.

He leaves a tip on the table before walking with you to the door. He has to bend far more than he normally would for you to secure yourself on his back before he’s walking outside. This time he’s walking faster because of the rain droplets that are falling hard. He seats you in the car and reaches across you to buckle you in before heading to his side. 

The drive home is pretty quiet, he drives extra slowly because of the precious cargo he carries. Once he pulls back into the gravelly drive way you unbuckle and open the door as he puts the car in park. 

“You don’t want to wait for me.” He asks, a little concerned.

“I got this.” You hop out of the elevated truck immediately slipping and having to grab onto the door. He walks quickly to your side laughing at the expression on your face.

“You sure do.” He says as he grabs your arm

“Oh stop it.” You say accepting the help, sliding your feet on the ice again till you get to the door. Once you get inside you groan into the toasty air. 

“Thankyou for tonight John.” You say facing him once you kick your boots off. You hadn’t realized how close you were till you turned around and could feel the heat radiating off of him and smell the bourbon on his breath. 

“No, thank you.” He says feeling awfully captivated, hanging onto your every move. You cup his face and stand on your tippy toes, boldly yet slowly placing a kiss on the corner of his lips. 

He’s starstruck. Absolutely dazed at the look of mischief in your eyes, something that tells him you know exactly what you’re doing to him. 

“Goodnight John.” You say patting his chest and walking down towards your room.

—————

I couldn't wait till tommorrow i'm sorry.

comments and reposts are greatly appreciated:)

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[writing-in-glitter-pen]

This Garden You've Grown ❀

Wriothesley catches you where you shouldn't be, little did he know, you were just the right person, in just the right place.

wriothesley x fem!reader II fluff, romance

part two ♡ part three ♡

"I'll need you to come with me, miss."

You whirled around, a basket full of perfectly bloomed tulips clutched in your hand. Before you stood a large, burly-figured man, dawning a set of spiky cuffs and a grim expression. You recognized this man as none other than Wriothesley---Duke of the Fortress Meropide. But what did he want with you?

All you had been doing was enjoying your time in your favorite spot outside the city---a small plot in a lush expanse of fields you'd made your own personal garden; growing all sorts of plants, including the pretty pink tulips you'd just been harvesting. You'd found this place a handful of months ago on a stroll outside The Court of Fontaine's grounds---needing a break from city life. It was so easy to get wrapped up in the buzz of the bustling streets and forget the beauty of nature. You'd decided it was a waste to leave a perfectly fertile field unused, so you began your garden.

...that you were now being arrested in.

"Excuse me?", you asked politely, needing clarification as to why he wanted to take you away.

"You heard me, don't make this difficult.", the duke had an irritated look on his face, like he was reprimanding a bratty child that knows better than to do what they did.

...but really you had no clue what you did!

You frantically squabbled to find your words as he descended on you---his strides slow but covering much more distance than your quick, short legs could as you scurried backwards away from him. Once he reached grabbing distance from you, preparing his cuffs as his large hand gripped your squishy bicep, you managed to squeak out, "but what did I do?" as he dragged you to him.

For a moment, he haulted his actions, holding you against him and taking in your genuinely perplexed, even fearful expression. Had you really not known what you were doing?

"You're trespassing on restricted grounds.", he clarified.

Your face paled.

"...I am?", you asked, panic rising to your throat.

He nodded sternly, "These grounds are property of the city, common folk are not allowed to enter without licensed permission,", he leaned over slightly to peer into your basket, "even if it is just to pick tulips.".

Your mouth fell open as you looked between your basket and Wriothesley, whose intimidating attention on you was beginning to make you feel suffocated. All you could manage to come up with in your anxious brain frog was, "Oh...". Your mind was screaming---you couldn't go to Meropide, not over this!

The clear horror and confusion in your eyes, paired with how you'd begun to shake in his grip stilled him. Normally, this is when criminals would start pleading for their freedom, making bribes to circumvent the law, but you just froze like a deer in headlights.

From where he stood, it appeared that you'd been knowingly stealing properly-grown-goods from a city-owned field with the possible intent to sell them; but the innocent expression on your face told him otherwise. If selling your stolen goods was truly was your intent, you wouldn't relinquish them without a price. So he decided to run a little test.

"Maybe, if you offered me those tulips, I could look the other way.".

He braced for your bartering, your indignance or anger...

...what he didn't expect was your forlorn expression; how your eyes became heavy as you looked down at your flowers, your poor lip quivering as you held out your basket for him to take without hesitation.

A criminal wouldn't relinquish their goods so readily, and they definitely wouldn't look so broken hearted over something they'd merely stolen.

No, these flowers were special to you.

In any other case, he wouldn't have hesitated or cared about motives when prosecuting a trespasser...but something about you moved him.

His hand gingerly covered yours and pushed your basket back to your chest.

"I can see these are important to you, and you have no ill-intent, but you're still breaking the law by coming here.", he looked dissapointed---you were a perfectly good person, and you'd looked so happy before he showed up; you didn't deserve this.

You quickly nodded, hope in your eyes as you squeezed your basket tighter, "I'm sorry! I won't come back!".

The duke let out a long sigh, but nodded---satisfied with your answer. He felt guilty for ruining your fun, he hadn't known you'd get so scared over something so minor. He wished he'd handled you more delicately. "Don't go taking anything else from the field...but you can keep the flowers you picked. I won't tell.".

There was hesitation in your eyes as you looked up at him cautiously, "...you're sure?".

"Of course. I couldn't deprive you of something you clearly love so much.". Though his words were kind, his stern expression did not leave his face---maintaining his rough law-man exterior so as not to look soft in the face of crime.

"Thank you..." you said, your voice almost like a whisper as you touched the soft petals of the flowers you'd nurtured to full growth, then looked back at the rest of your field sorrowfully. This was a goodbye to your project---to the little respite you'd made for youself outside the city.

His eyebrows furrowed, you looked like your house had just burnt to the ground before your eyes. There had to be something he was missing.

"...if I may ask, why would you risk trespassing in a restricted area just to pick flowers? Did you think you wouldn't get caught? Or did you just not care about the rules?", you felt the rumble of his gruff voice in your chest---having just realized you were still pressed right up against him.

You looked down bashfully, half from your proximity to the dashing, rugged gentleman, and the other half from the admission you were about to make.

"...I wasn't aware this area was restricted...I'd actually planted this garden quite a while ago. I've been coming back every day to care for it ever since.". You were nervous that the details of your situation that you were disclosing might get you into greater trouble, but you couldn't just leave your garden with no one to care for it---at least if you're honest, the city might hire someone to nurture it in your stead, rather than just leaving it to die.

If you looked closely, you could see a twinkle of realization in the duke's eyes, though he masked it well.

"...I see...", not only did you not intend to tresspass, you weren't actually stealing either. All of this garden, save for the ground it is planted on, belongs to you. "I'm willing to make an exception for you, but in the future, make sure you're aware of the laws and regulations before you enter a restricted area.".

You nodded obidiently, something Wriothesley approved of in criminals, but made his heart twinge with guilt seeing a person with good intentions like you comply out of intimidation.

"I understand, sir. I'll vacate immediately."

You'd begun to step away from him, but he easily pulled you back, drawing your concerned gaze. You wondered if there was something else you had to do to right your mistake; was he going to have you tear up your beloved garden as well? That would truly devastate you.

He was quiet for a moment as he looked on at your lush garden and weighed his decision in his mind. Then, he looked back down into your innocent, breathtakingly adorable eyes and spoke, "...you may continue your gardening as long as you don't expand it. Don't go past the tilled land.", he pointed the boundary out to you, "Understand?".

His eyes widened as he met your gaze once again; he didn't think your eyes could get any prettier, but the way they glittered in excitement had his heart doing summersaults---and your pleased smile filled him with a sense of accomplishment.

You nodded gratefully, it was like he'd just given you the world, "I understand. Thank you so much for letting me keep it."

With that, he nodded curtly, then turned to leave; he didn't want to bother you more than he already had.

But before he could exit the grounds, you piped up, "...would you like to see what else I'm growing?".

You'd caught him by surprise; he slowly turned back to face you, taking a moment to process the question, before nodding, "Sure. Love to.". That sense of accomplishment once again bloomed in his chest as his simple agreement to be given a tour of your project brought the brightest smile to your face.

You quickly ushered him over, looping your arm through his to tote him from destination to destination; pointing out the various plants you'd been growing and telling him about each and every one.

"These are cherry heirloom tomatoes; they're a little more citrussy and sweet than regular tomatoes, and obviously, they're teeny. I like putting them in salads.", you picked one off the vine and held it up for him to try. He inspected it for a moment, before cleaning it on his shirt and popping it into his mouth. His eyes lit up as the taste hit him---these were really good. Better than anything he could buy at the market, that's for sure. You continued on with your little tour, "This is lavender---it smells wonderful.".

He chuckled at your interesting collage of plants, "the tomatoes I can understand, but what's with the lavender?", he didn't find much point in growing anything inedible in a garden.

The sun perfectly illuminated your rosy cheeks and cheerful smile as you beamed up at him, "The smell helps me sleep, and sometimes I like to dry bundles of it and give them away as gifts.".

His expression once again became thoughtful and judicial before he replied, "If you have trouble sleeping, then by all means, grow as much lavender as you want. But you can't go giving them out to the public.". He felt guilty for suddenly imposing all these rules onto your passion project, but it was his job to maintain order. You didn't oppose, only nodded in understanding.

"Ok, I won't give any away...", you reached down and picked a few vibrant purple, fully bloomed sprigs, then sinched them together with a little roll of twine you keep in your gardening basket, "...but would it be ok if I gave you some?". You outstretched you hand to him, head tilted as your eyes almost begged him to take the gift.

You were such a sweetheart.

"...you don't have to, but if you really want to give me some lavender, you can..." he carefully took the bundle from your outstretched hand---his fingers brushing yours in a way that made your cheeks turn pink, "I won't refuse.". Your eyes widened in surprise when he flashed you a wolffish grin, this was the first time his stoic expression broke. You were dazzled.

You found yourselves admiring one another in silence; you were infatuated with his smile, he was infatuated with your kind, gentle expression. For a moment, it felt like both your hearts were beating as one---racing together through your chests...and you two were standing awfully close for strangers.

You'd lost yourself so completely in him, you didn't realize how long you'd been standing like that. Once you came to your senses, you shook your head right and looked away from him shyly as you found your words, "If you put it in a vase beside your bed, it'll help you fall asleep...".

He continued to admire you as his grin became a softer smile. No one had ever offered him lavender as a gift before, and your desire to help him sleep peacefully touched him, even though it wasn't a problem he struggled with.

"Thank you. You really didn't have to do that."

The duke's mind was practically spinning with new emotions. You were pretty, sure, but your sweet nature, your compulsion for compassion, your friendliness to someone who is not only a stranger, but had nearly been an assailant not too long ago, reached deeply into him and practically claimed his heart just as you had claimed this garden.

It was yours now---because of what you cultivated in it.

Your smile really couldn't get more wonderful, but the doting look you gave him made him sigh contentedly.

"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to! You've been so generous with me, I want to be generous with you too..."

Wriothesley, who had never been in love before, wouldn't have guessed that a single meeting with a stranger could make him fall so hard. He had only just met you, but he felt like he'd been searching for you forever, and in a way, that means he's already known you longer than anyone else.

If he could stay in this garden with you forever, he would, but he had important duties that demanded his attention. Regretably, he had to take his leave.

He flashed you one last charming smile before parting with you.

"Thank you...I won't forget this.".

He felt like he had to assure you; like promising he'd keep them was promising he wasn't going to let you go. He cherished the grateful smile you gave him, and with one last wave, he departed.

...he'd have to patrol this area more often.

[norrisleclercf1]

OKAY BUT LISTEN A REQUEST IDEA!

Mafia! Jenson x wife where both take Logan under their wing. And when the wife reader gets hurt both Logan and Jenson grow overprotective because that's their wife and "mother".

A/N: Logie is Jenson's baby don't get me started

"Logan, would you like breakfast?" Knocking on the door you hear movement and it's thrown open the young American was exhausted and had a huge bandage on his side from last nights run.

"Do I have to eat?" He grumbles, and you sigh reaching out and smoothing his hair down. "You do darling, that way you can take your antibiotics," Logan sighs and shuffles back into his room and grabs a shirt, sliding it on carefully.

"Is he angry?" Logan asks, knowing the only reason he got injured was because he had messed up. "No baby, he's annoyed, but not at you. You're a rookie, the others should've looked after you a bit better, that's all." You comfort him and stay behind just a little in case he wobbles back and falls.

"Morning," Logan flinches hearing the anger in Jenson's tone, your eyes cast over and glare, your husband catching your glare and puts the newspaper down and clears his throat. "Are you okay buddy?" Logan sighs sitting down, his stitches itched, burned, and he wanted to cry. He let Jenson down.

"My stitches itch," He grumbles, pouring himself a glass of orange juice. "It's your body healing itself, normal for wounds to itch." You explain licking your hand and fixing Logan's hair which has him grumbling but says nothing. Jenson snatches Logan's plate and the boy goes to argue but stops when he sees Jenson was plating food for him.

"Maybe you should move in here with us, hmm?" You ask, sitting down next to Jenson. "I had his stuff packed and already placed on our floor, it's being unpacked as we speak." Logan blushes and nods, knowing there was no point in arguing. "Thank you," You smile and pass Logan his meds which he happily takes.

Year later

"Boysssss! I'm going to the farmer market, do you want anything?" You yell, loud enough for them to hear you from the kitchen. You hear steps and then running down the stairs. "Think you could get me oranges?" You smile as Logan comes into view.

He's taken up training and eating better, having grown taller and wider as he worked on his muscles to become better and stronger for the team. "Of course, darling, does your dad want anything?" Logan had taken to calling you and Jenson, mom and dad about 5 months ago. "No, he says just the usual." You nod and walk past, Logan leaning over as you kiss his cheek.

"Alright, be back," "In an hour, we know. Just be careful Mom." Logan smiles and runs back up the stairs to join Jenson in watching some race. Shaking your head you head out and make the walk to the market.

Jenson hated when you walked, considering who he was, and how people knew your face, and knew they could go after you to get to him. Smiling at some of the locals you head to some of your favorite stands. "Good morning Mrs. Button, hows that sweet boy of yours?" A sweet older lady named Mrs. Watts, loved Logan as he'd come out here and help you and sometimes stick around and help her with her stand.

"Oh he's good, you know always a gentleman." You smile and picking up some fresh oranges, turning you don't see them coming until some teens run into you, which has you falling and hitting your head.

-----------------

"Where's my mom?" You sigh as does the ER doctor bandaging up your wrist. "Logan!" You call gently, not wanting to raise your voice, since you have a pretty good concussion. "Mom!" Logan sighs, and pushes the doctor gently and hugs you, taking a deep breath. Jenson skids in and stops seeing you and moves gathering both you and Logan into his arms.

"What the hell happened, who did this to you?" Jenson asks, you giggle seeing as he was ready to start a war. "it was just those stupid kids, they didn't see me and ran into me on their skateboards. Fell and hit my head, sprained my wrist." You explain and Jenson sighs but you can still see he was antsy.

"She really is okay, Mr. Button. You and your son don't have to worry," The doctor tries to explain but Logan refuses to move from your side, lying his head on your shoulder. "Should've gone with you today," Logan whispers and you smile, kissing the crown of his hair. "I'm okay, really you two." Jenson sighs and moves again, hugging you both.

[stylesharrys]

Hot Distraction [Bisexual!Y/N]

Y/N breaks up with her girlfriend and Harry helps take her mind off things.

A/N: had this idea in my drafts for months and months but I never really got round to writing it. Anyway, here you go darlings, enjoy <3

Warnings: dom/sub relationships, unprotected sex, kissing, teasing, swearing, spanking, dirty talk, anal (fingering)

WC: 2.8k

//

Harry has no idea what to do. He’s never seen her cry before and he doesn’t know if he should give her a hug or try to make light of the situation.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Harry’s even more confused than he was before. He’ll never ever understand women’s emotions. And by the sight before him, he doesn’t think he ever wants to.

“S’okay, petal. It hurts now but it’ll be a distant memory in a few weeks time.”

She scoffs at him, at his sorry attempt to cheer her up. Y/N doesn’t need or want pity. She wants to warn off all women and whore it up for a little bit.

If she’s honest, the breakup has been a long time coming. They’d only been together six months but things weren’t the same as when they first met.

Alora was a beautiful woman, funny and kind. But the first few times of fooling around were a lot more exciting than six months in, where her sex drive seemed to just vanish.

Y/N has thought that perhaps she was the problem. Maybe she craves sex too much and too often and that’s the issue. She also thought that maybe she secretly had a fear of commitment and that’s what made her more than okay with Alora calling things off.

She knows now that’s not the case. Alora was seeing other people behind Y/N’s back. Given, they never really spoke about being exclusive, but Y/N had just assumed that if Alora was seeing other people, she’d have the decency to let Y/N know.

And now, she’s about ready to swear off all women.

She stands from the sofa, wiping the tears from her face and taking a shaky breath. There’s no way in hell she’s going to ruin her Friday night sobbing over another woman. No fucking chance.

“Do you have plans tonight?” she asks Harry, chin raised as she acts unbothered by her situation.

Harry shakes his head. “No, why? You wanna go out?”

Her lip is taut between her teeth as she considers the proposition. A night out could be perfect – sex with a hot, random stranger will most definitely take her mind off things.

She nods, once. But it’s like Harry can smell the hesitation. He squints at her, leaning forward in his spot on the sofa.

“You’re not just wanting to go out so you can have a one night stand, are you?”

“No!” her voice is high-pitched, a dead giveaway that that’s exactly what she plans on doing.

Harry huffs, closing his eyes for a moment. It’s no secret that he’s got the hots for Y/N. He’s always found her incredibly attractive. But in the two years he’s known her, she’s only ever dated women.

He doesn’t think there’s ever even been an instance where she’s acknowledged another man. Harry notices her sheepish expression and his tummy knots and twists.

“If you were into guys…” he mumbles out, more to himself but it still reaches Y/N’s ears and she frowns.

“I am.”

Harry’s head snaps up, staring at her in bewilderment. “You are? I thought you were gay.”

Y/N laughs softly. “I am… slightly. I prefer men usually, but women are just softer and more attentive I find.”

Harry raises his eyebrows, a cocky smirk on his lips. Bingo.

“That just means you’ve never been with the right guys.”

His voice has grown deeper, sultry. And the entire mood of the room has changed. There’s a tension in the atmosphere, one they’re both awfully familiar with but never with one another.

“Is that so?”

They’re dancing on a tight rope between friends and something more, neither too sure who’s going to fall first. It feels naughty, wrong. So wrong to allow this tension, these thoughts.

But there’s nothing inappropriate about it. They’re both single, consenting adults. What would it matter if he kissed her? If she kissed him back? If he spent an hour between her legs and had her creaming all over his cock?

“And from what you’ve been telling me, wasn’t you getting frustrated that Alora was too vanilla?”

Heat rises to her cheeks at his words. Harry moves closer, tips of his fingers ghosting are her bare thighs, the hem of her baggy t-shirt barely covering her knickers underneath.

“Something tells me, you don’t want something soft. You’ve just never been manhandled the way you want, so you’re taking the easier route.”

Y/N has never felt so seen in her life. “Isn’t that right, pet?”

She grows shy under his words, feeling small and vulnerable and her little panties are fucking soaked.

“Maybe,” she squeaks.

Harry’s smirk grows tenfold, eyes dark and lustful. His gaze never leaves her face as he stands in front of her. His tall build towering over Y/N’s.

“Personally, I think you just want to be a good girl…”

His hand finds her face, gently caressing her jaw as he speaks. When her eyes flutter closed absentmindedly, she hears Harry tut before her.

“Keep those pretty eyes open, puppy.”

Her eyes open, wide. All doe-like and fluttery. It awakens that hunger deep in Harry’s stomach – one full of need and desire.

“Y/N… d’you like it when I call you puppy?”

She nods, so innocent and sheepish. It has Harry’s cock twitching in his pants. God, she’s going to be the death of him.

Y/N’s nuzzling her face into his hand, eyes heavy but open, like she doesn't want to be scolded by Harry. He pouts down at her, a look of sympathy in his eyes and Y/N’s never felt so warm and safe.

“My poor petal, all touch starved and needy.”

It’s like a flip has been switched within her. She’s no longer that bubbly and bratty girl he’s always known. She’s soft and quiet, desperate and eager to please and Harry is stretching out his boxers.

“Go in your bedroom for me, puppy. Want you naked with your legs spread.”

He places a gentle kiss to her lips, barely offering a taste of what’s to come. The act has her heart leaping before she rushes to her bedroom to rid herself of any clothes.

She’s never allowed herself to look at Harry in the way she is now. She always told herself that friends are only friends and never to indulge in anything else with them.

Y/N can admit that she’s always found him attractive, always enjoyed his company and mayb often stared a little too long whenever he was topless or when the veins in his arms and hands were that little bit more visible than usual.

She supposes he’s always had some sort of chokehold on her, something she’s never thought too deep about. But now, she can’t get out of her head. Laying naked on her bed, legs spread as he approaches her bedroom door.

She’s pulsing, cunt hot and leaking. God, she doesn't remember the last time she felt this turned on, this excited, this ready to submit completely.

Whatever he wants, she’ll give him. Whatever he offers, she’ll take.

Harry eyes her as he enters her bedroom, gaze focused on that weeping little cunt. He’s holding his breath, fighting back a wanton cry. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so sexy in his life.

Y/N watches with glossy eyes as he tugs his t-shirt over his head, the ripples of his golden skin exciting her more. If he’ll let her, she’ll happily lick the expanse of every single tattoo adoring his body.

She’ll do anything. Anything.

Her hips begin to squirm as his thumbs loop into the waistband of his shorts and boxers, anticipation getting the better of her. Harry notices, pulls his hands away and raises a brow.

“I don’t remember saying you could move.”

Y/N’s body stills, blood running cold. Her lips are pursed into a thin line – “I’m sorry.” Her words come out shyly, like she’s embarrassed to be told off.

Harry tuts, no longer interested in pulling himself free. Instead he moves toward the foot of the bed and climbs up on his knees, sitting between her shaking thighs.

Y/N’s chest is heaving in excitement, bottom lip gnawed between her teeth. Harry reaches for her left thigh, gently massaging the soft and supple skin before raising his hand and dropping it again in a harsh smack.

She shrieks at the unexpected impact, brows knitted as she bites back a moan.

Oh, he wasn’t fucking around.

“If you’re sorry then you’ll lay on your tummy and take your punishment.” He flips her over before she has chance to register his words. Flat on her stomach, hands held behind her back, Harry takes her in.

He lets his hand caress her hips for a moment, trailing down to her bum and he smoothes over the skin. “And I don’t want to hear a fucking sound.”

He spanks her once, her entire body jolting. Y/N buries her face into her pillows, suffocating any desperate moans that beg to be cried. She keeps quiet, eyes rolled to the back of her head.

Harry spanks her again, harder this time. His hand print is left on her supple skin and he groans to himself. He spreads her cheeks apart for a moment, allows himself the sight of her dripping cunt, eagerly trying to clench around something.

“Look at you, puppy. So wet and good for me.”

Smack.

Smack.

Smack!

Her bottom is sore, stinging as he finally relents. There’s tears in her eyes as she struggles to compose her breathing. She’s not brave enough to admit she almost came from her punishment.

Harry takes a moment to admire his work, how raw her pretty bum is. Her skin is beginning to rise in the form of his handprint, sore and tender. He holds her hips, thumbs rubbing along the stripey lines of silvering stretch marks on the sides of her bum.

“Pretty puppy, did so well for me.”

She coos at his praise, fingers wiggling in an attempt to feel him. Harry chuckles, leaning down to pepper kisses to her bum and up her spine. He fools her with his kindness for a moment, allowing her body to relax under his touch.

But when his lips reach her neck, he grabs a handful of her hair and yanks her head up, teeth nipping at her jaw and nosing at her ear.

“Now you’re going to be a good puppy and let Daddy fuck your pretty little hole, okay?”

Y/N’s cunt throbs at his words. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Fuck, she can’t get it out of her head. Harry releases his hold on her hair, her face dropping back into her pillows as he clambers off her.

He strips from his boxers and shorts, thick length smacking at his lower tummy as he clambers back onto the bed again. Harry’s hard, painfully so and Y/N wants nothing more than to lay on her back and watch him work his way around her body.

But he doesn’t allow that. Instead, his hands find her hips and he’s hoisting her bum in the air, back arched and chest to the mattress with her face buried in the pillows.

The sight is mesmerising and Harry can’t look away. Pretty pussy all wet and plump. The tip of his cock slides through her slit and Harry lets out a shaky whimper. A noise that does not go unheard by Y/N, who’s jaw slacks at the sound of it.

She’s eager for more, gagging for his cock. She’s never felt so submissive in her life, so willing to be used as a fuck toy. And she never would’ve pegged Harry for the type.

Y/N supposes he does possess a lot of dominant qualities. Whenever he speaks, all eyes are on him. Whatever he says, it’s always respected. And when Harry doesn’t like something, nobody challenges him.

It’s been right in front of her the whole time. They’ve both been so blind.

“So pretty, baby. Look at you.”

The praise goes straight to her head. She’s woozy and needy and thinks she might fucking cry if he doesn’t fill her with his cook soon.

“Daddy’s good little puppy. Want me to fill your little hole, baby? Want Daddy to fuck you so hard you can’t even remember your name?”

Y/N’s too deep into subspace to respond, but that’s not a good enough excuse for Harry. He strikes down on her sore bum again and she shrieks, nodding feverishly.

“Yes, Daddy! Please, I’ve been so good.”

The sound of her begging is something Harry will never let himself forget. Her body responds to every tiny touch he offers, she keens for him. For more.

Lining himself at her hole, Harry pushes forward just enough to allow her half of his length. A wanton cry escapes her lips, muffled by her pillow as her body tenses.

Harry gives her little time to adjust to his length, sheathing himself further into her tight hole until he bottoms out.

Y/N struggles to stay quiet, struggles to not reach for him, to touch him. Harry reaches for her hands again, pulling them behind her back and holding her in place by her wrists.

“You’re fucking soaked, puppy.” He praises, breathless at the sight of himself tucked deep inside her.

Harry begins to rock his hips, slowly at first until he finds a comfortable pace and her ass jiggles with every thrust he gives. Y/N’s cunt grips him like a vice, obscene noises filling their ears and Harry decides he wants to hear more.

“Wanna hear you, puppy. Tell Daddy how good it feels.”

Y/N is wailing the second she’s given permission, wild and desperate and begging for more and more and more.

Harry’s thumbing at her puckering asshole, softly smoothing over the taut skin as Y/N begins to buck her hips back into him. He’s seething through gritted teeth, struggling to keep himself together as he gently pushes his thumb into her tight hole.

“Yes, Daddy! Please… please….”

She’s incoherent as she tries to speak, words still muffled and gurgled. She can feel him in her stomach, filling every inch of her body and subconscious mind. As if she exists solely for him, for his pleasure.

“My sweet girl, taking me so well. Look at you, puppy. All dumb for my cock.”

Harry’s thrusts get harder and faster, his thumb lodged deep in her ass as he fucks into her. Y/N’s arousal soaks his pubic bone, skin slapping and gruff moans echoing through.

She can’t stay quiet, not even if she tried. Moans are tearing throug her throat with no sense of hesitancy, her entire body being rocked as Harry pummels into her.

Eyes rolling to the back of her head, jaw slack, she’s close. Her cunt begins to tighten around him, desperate to mild him dry for everything he has to offer. And Harry can feel it – he feels every little squeeze she gives him, every spasm of her slick pussy.

His spare hand smacks down on her bum in quick, constant successions, his pace impossibly faster and the breath is knocked from her lungs.

She can’t see, can’t think, can’t hear. It’s like her soul has left; experiencing eternal bliss for the first time in her life. But she feels Harry’s fat cock twitch between her walls, she feels the stinging bite of every spank, she feels her coil begin to tighten and pull.

“You gonna cum, puppy? You gonna cum all over my cock?” Harry pants.

She’s nodding, unable to find her words. It takes her a moment to catch a breath. “Please,” is all she can manage to whimper out, her entire body on fire.

Harry spanks her again, eager and hot moans bubbling from his chest. “Cum, puppy. Make a mess on Daddy’s cock.”

Y/N’s entire body begins to tremble relentlessly, a high pitched whine falling off her tongue as she explodes around him.

Her arousal coates his cock and stomach, squirting out the best it can with Harry’s length still shoved in her cunt. The sight of her squirting all over him has him seeing stars, and he’s quick to pull out, coating her back and bum in thick ribbons of arousal.

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

He’s a panting mess as Y/N’s hips fall onto the mattress with a soft thud. He watches her body move gently as she catches her breath, listens to the soft pants that escape her plump lips.

Only now does he realise, he’s yet to kiss her the way he’s been dreaming. Harry crawls beside her, brushing the hair from her face and she’s quick to nuzzle into his touch.

He moves closer, his lips encapsulating hers in a soft and tender kiss. Both their eyes flutter closed and their mouths work in unison, gently. Y/N never knew she’d crave the taste of someones lips until Harry pulls away and rests his forehead against hers.

“Have a nap, puppy. You’ll need your energy for later.”

//

thank you for reading, i'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this one 🥺

[beforeimdeceased]

ENTANGLED IN YOU— WHEN WILL MY LIFE BEGIN?

ways to help, daily click, do not support neil

ellie williams x reader

a/n: this actually isn’t the best but i’ll post it now and edit it later :D let me know what you think

tags: @astralnymphh

masterlist

…

once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived a castle…

okay maybe it was an abandoned apartment complex, and maybe she wasn’t a princess, but that isn’t the point of our story. our story focuses on how fate is inescapable.

“flower! let me up.” the doctor calls. you look outside of your broken bedroom window and quickly rush to the main room where there is a lever. you then, twist it with all your might. this triggers a series of reactions going downward which opens a space in the wall for the doctor to walk up.

this was a daily routine. doctor would go out and forage for supplies and food while you tidied up your “tower” as you called it. it wasn’t much but it was home and helped protect you from the outside world.

many years ago an outbreak occurred causing a sickness in the people of the world. doctor says it was terrifying to see. disfigured faces as a parasitic virus took over their minds.

but you were special.

you were born a few years later in a hospital doctor had been working in at the time. your mother had been seeing doctor for months and she was finally ready to deliver you. then suddenly, there was a break in. the infected monsters stormed through and bit your mother as you were being born. in a panic, doctor wrapped you up, ran as fast as she could until she found this abandoned building, and promised to always keep you safe.

she waited to see if the affects of the bite were passed onto you, and gratefully reveled in the fact that they did not. she still continued to watch you carefully. just in case. then, one day while cleaning up, she turned her head for a moment and you’d been scratched by an infected that had found its way inside the building.

you wailed and so did she before she realized that you were not turning. days began to pass and you still hadn’t turned. you were completely fine other than a small scratch on the back of your neck.

doctor rapidly got to work. after running various tests she used your blood to create a cure. it’s temporary against the infection, but it helps keep it from doing extensive damage. it gave those who were previously hopeless a reason to be hopeful.

she was excited about the results and prepared to share them with the world.

once she’d gotten in touch with the others in her field, they said in order to make a viable cure for everyone you would have to die, which she did not agree with.

so she rushed back to the tower, closed the doors, and swore to never let you leave out of fear that others would hurt you. even after you’d grown older. even after a cure had been fashioned years later from a mystery flower. even after the apocalypse had been declared over and it was semi safe to leave again. you would never leave. and she was confident that you’d never try to, until…

“are you excited for you birthday tomorrow, flower?” doctor asks as she walks into the lounge area. you were sat in the corner knitting a scarf out of yarn you’d fashioned from leaves. “i am actually. i’m more excited about the possibility of-“

“leaving to see the festival?” she finishes your sentence. you huff. “doctor, please. i look outside of my window and i see people laughing and lights shining just down the mountain. i know that a settlement is out there. have you still not checked it out?”

“no i haven’t checked it out and i’m not going to. i told you it’s probably fires started to control a large population of infected.” her tone is stern. she has checked already, it is a settlement.

you slump down in a chair next to her, hands clasped together. bottom lip sticking out. “please. please! atleast promise you’ll check on your next trip.”

she looks over at your face and smiles. “fine. we’re running out of supplies anyway. i’ll check on my trip tommorow, would that make you happy?”

“very.” you respond, smiling.

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

a loud clanking is heard from underneath the tower followed by a string of curses. “doctor?” you call out. your heart begins to race. what if she’s hurt again and she needs help? or more of the cure? you quickly turn the knob and listen as her footsteps get closer.

then you hear her speak and it is definitely not doctor. you hide behind the entrance, a frying pan in hand as it was the closest thing to you. you watch as the woman steps up and looks around. breathing heavily with dirt all over her. before she can turn around, you knock her hard on her head.

[entername322]

Someone like you

Chaewon (ex Izone, Le Sserafim) x Male Reader

Length: 17666 words

TW: Abusive relationship

Next part

Pain, that's all you can say about yourself. Why does falling in love always have a risk of heartbreak? Sometimes you wonder if the risk outweighs the gains. For your particular case, it doesn't, it never has. “...... and then I came home to see him decorated the whole place with flowers and candles. Isn't he so romantic?” Right, flowers and candles, you know where that was going. “Yeah, that sounds great Chae”, It felt like your heart was being plucked out of your heart and set on fire. Why is your love stronger than your heart, if only your love breaks before your heart does. “He's so romantic sometimes, I love him so much-, Awwww”, Her cries of pain distract you from the twisting feeling your chest feels.

“I'm sorry Chae”, You steady your hands and continue stitching her wounds. “It's fine, thanks for this Pup, I owe you a lot”, You cringed a little hearing her nickname for you. “Chae we're both grown up now can you please stop calling me that?” It's a cute nickname, which only hurts you more realising that this is as far as you can get from being with her. “No, you will always be the cute little puppy”, Yes you are, who's a good puppy? The guy who keeps simping for his crush even after she's been in a relationship for a year now. It's you by the way, you're the good puppy, so loyal to your master. “There, all done, now just the bandages”, A good puppy who has graduated from medical school, hey that means you can take care of your master even better now. “Is it really okay for you to do this for free?” What dog would ask their owner for money? Alright let's lay off the dog jokes, you're still lame by the way.

“It's fine, they're cheap”, Even if they aren't, you wouldn't charge her anything right? “Thank you, I really mean it. I don't know how I can even repay you pup”, Chae grabbed your arm, her warm palm felt like a red hot iron that scorched your skin. “Yeah, it's fine. It's my job to care for people's lives after all”, You tried your best to smile at her, to show her you're doing this out of the goodwill of your heart. “You're just so, kind and stupid sometimes. If only he can be more like you”, She muttered the last part but it was loud enough for you to hear it. It fucking hurts, so fucking painful hearing something so ignorantly brutal. “So, how's work? Everything is fine in the hospital?” If Chaewon noticed your pained smile then she doesn't show it. “Nothing interesting is happening so far, although there's an offer for a transfer. I haven't read much about it but it will be a year long ‘voluntary work’. It's not fully voluntary though because we're gonna get paid decently, and we're gonna be working with a few other volunteers from all over the country”, Chaewon tilted her head curiously, “Are you gonna take it?” You were surprised to hear her words. It caught you off guard so you didn't get to hear a little hint of anxiousness in her words.

“I don't know, it's interesting”, Maybe that's what you need, a time away from your crush. “Oh, I'm sure you'll do great in it”, Chaewon smiles encouragingly, which only hurts you even more. Honestly, what were you expecting? Did you think she would ask you to stay here? Tell you how much she needs her and doesn't want you to leave? Come on bro, she's not like that. “Yeah, I was thinking about taking it”, You didn't really mean that when you say that, however seeing her genuine encouraging smile made you really consider it for real. “Well, I need to go home, thanks again for today pup, I owe you a lot”, Chaewon stood up with a smile on her face ready to leave. “Yeah see you later Chae”, You just sit there watching her leave your place while a storm is brewing in your mind. 

“Fuck”, You muttered to yourself, completely unaware that Chaewon is also cursing herself once she left your house. “Goddamnit pup why do you have to leave. You idiot”, The stinging pain in her arm is gone, covered with the sour mood she felt in her heart. “It's been years already and you're still waiting for me”, Oh, she does notice your feelings it seems. Of course she does, the two of you have known each other for years now. The memory of your meeting plays very differently between you and Chaewon's mind. For her she remembers how clumsy and cute you were, stumbling over your own words, overdosing on teenage hormones because of talking to a girl. For you it was an embarrassing attempt at making a friend on your first day of highschool, something that would keep you up at night with cringe.

“Idiot”, She kicked a can on the road out of frustration, but it's not enough so she started stomping on it with the hope of burying down the guilt that's building inside her. It's not that she wanted to use you, but…… she's just busy, or so she thinks. Her boyfriend, uhhhhh his name is irrelevant, is a hassle to deal with. She loves him, he's kind and caring and honest and cute and kind….. it's just sometimes he loses his tempers. Sometimes he would, lash out and accidentally hurt her, but he never meant to do so. It's getting better now (It's not) his outburst is getting less frequent (Pretty sure the ideal and normal frequency is 0) and he always tries to make it up to her (With empty promises and lies). 

Chaewon stops stomping on the poor can and just stares at the sky, finally realising it won't help erase the guilt she's having. On her defence she wanted to help you get over your crush for her. She cares about you, and she wants what's best for you. She wanted to introduce you to her friends, let you fall in love with someone who will love you back. Sometimes she thinks about a future where you date someone else, then you and her can be platonic friends, a brother from a different mother. It's just that, when her boyfriend got mad, and she got hurt, she can't run to the hospital because they would pester her about it. She can't run to most of her friends or family because they would also pester her, you're the only one who can help her. You were, the only one who would enable her. Young people, they're so dumb sometimes, both you and her included.

“Haaaaa, why can't we just be friends”, Chaewon sighed, she's not blaming you for your feelings, it would be hypocritical for her to judge someone's feelings when she's being chained by her own feelings. When you told her about the project she wanted to say don't take it, she wants you to stay here, to help her. Thankfully she recognises how selfish she is, and encourages you to leave, to get over your own feelings. It hurts, it feels wrong, seeing you break away from your feelings. Perhaps she yearns to have the courage to break free of her own chains. “I'm back”, Chaewon put on a smile as she got back to her place, “Welcome back babe, how was your day”, Of course for now she can only put on a smile and let herself fall deeper into the abyss.

“Are you sure? You know it won't be an easy trip right?” It's been a week since that talk with Chaewon, and today you are finalising your proposal of joining the volunteer work to your boss. “I'm sure sir, beside…… I need some time away from this place”, Is running away considered a solid reason for joining a harsh voluntary work? “Hmmm, well, if your only reason for taking this job is just a getaway from whatever shit you're dealing here, I suggest don't”, You flinched hearing your boss. “I think I can handle the job boss”, You tried to sound tough, “You know, I always pity you”, That's kinda harsh. “You are a good guy, smart and very nice. You're just too nice I sometimes hope you didn't get scammed and used by other people”, Yeah that sounds kinda familiar alright.

“I want to try something new. I think I can handle the work, and it might help me too”, If you say that with a little more conviction it would sound cool you know. “Haaaaa, youngsters with their self-finding journeys”, He shook his head and signed the form, “Comeback here, in one piece”, A smile form on your face before you quickly nod and bow to him. It's odd, you don't exactly feel excited about it, but you don't feel scared or disappointed about leaving everything behind, you're just numb to it. “Stop daydreaming and prepare the other documents you need”, Your boss slammed his hand on the desk waking you up. “Ahhh right, thank you boss”, He shook his head and sighed seeing your awkwardness, “I really hope you didn't get shot out there”, He's joking right?

After submitting the rest of the paperwork you went back home, had a nice call with your mom where she absolutely desecrated you with her words. “Are you insane? You're doing volunteer work in an active warzone?” Holy shit you are? “I'm not working in the warzone itself, I'm just a civilian mom. I'll be at the refugee camp, away from the battlefield”, That's the word you keep repeating to her for hours before she finally calms down. “Just, tell me it's not because of that Chaewon girl”, 2 hours and 16 minutes into the call your mom finally asked the right question. “No, of course not mom”, You can't lie to your mom, she's the one who teaches you how to lie to your dad. “Are you an idiot? Did I spend months carrying you around and 20 years plus feeding and taking care of you just to have you die somewhere because of a heartbreak?” Oooffff, why can't you be more like your mom?

“No mom, it's I think I-”, A knock on your apartment door can be heard, “Hey pup, are you there?” Speak of the devil. “Mom I'll call you later”, Your voice came off shaky and anxious, the time has come to test your resolve of running away. “Yeah, just a second”, Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try not to lose your composure.

“What happened?” Come on now, you know what happened, “It's not a big deal, just a scratch”, You reached out and grabbed her face, inspecting her cheek. Chaewon smiles seeing your concerned face, you've always been awkward and shy around her, except when she's injured. When she got a scar you would just disregard your shyness just to make sure she's fine, it's a cute gesture she always likes about you. “I guess, it really is just a scratch”, You sighed relief seeing it wasn't a deep cut, then you realised how you are holding her and immediately let go as your face turns into a tomato. What happened to maintaining your composure?

“So?” Chaewon just tilted her head cutely, “Are you gonna invite me in?” That's a pretty ambiguous question, would you let her in again? “Right come on in”, You're hopeless sometimes. Chaewon sat down at your living room, silently noticing the packed up bag you had in your room. Her heartbeat rises as she realises what it means, some part of her wants to deny it but the other part knows that your leave was inevitable. “Tea?” She smiles and nods as you go and prepare her some of her favourite tea, of course you have her favourite tea at your house. “So, what happened?” You asked after giving her a warm cup of tea, “You know, the usual. He had a stressful day at work, I was also kinda tired from mine and we just clashed”, Usually the ‘clash’ that happens is between her and his fist.

“Well, you know what I want to say right?” Chae shrugged before she stood up and walk towards your cat, “Little Luna is getting fat aren't you?” Chaewon picked her up and started pinching her stomach. “She's gonna cut your face you know that right?” Chaewon laughed and sat back next to you while still holding Luna. “Well, I'm sure you trained her not do that right?” Her smile is such a deadly weapon to your conviction. “It's a cat Chae, you don't train them, they'll train you”, And to hammer this point Luna let out a loud meow and scratched Chaewon's hand. “Luna '', You scolded the fat cat as she jumped off Chaewon's lap, “Hehehe, one day I'll make her enjoy my cuddles”, Chae laughed as you examined her arm.

“We should clean this up”, It's really not that bad, it's just a little cut on the epidermis, “It's really not that deep bro”, You flicked her head and cleaned up her hand as she teases you for over your perfectly reasonable hygiene. “So, can I crash the night here?” Her question made you stop in your tracks, not because it caught you off guard, but because you know she only asked if things really went bad at her place. “Pup?” Chae was taken off guard seeing how quiet you've become, “Chae, I…… can't do this anymore”, She raises her eyebrow hearing you. “Do what?” You sighed and finished cleaning up her hand before sitting in front of her.

“I can't, keep letting you hurt yourself because of-”, You start talking without thinking and Chae immediately bites back, “Stop it, I don't want to hear that from you”, She felt awful for raising her voice but she really doesn't want to hear those things. “Well this might be the last time you ever hear it from me ever again”, You blurted out, making her heart stop for a moment, “What?” Her voice sounds squeaky and vulnerable. “Chae, I'm leaving”, Seeing her suddenly had glassy eyes made you second guess yourself. “For how long?” It's hard for her to accept it, “The volunteer work is one year long, but it might be longer since I'm gonna arrive early to have some field training”, You can't look her in the face, it's painful for you to see her so hurt with the notion of you leaving. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, Luna moves to your lap and starts purring as if she realised you're having a tough time right now. “Is it-”, Chae’s voice broke and she took a second to calm herself down, “Is it final already?” Yet it still came out all squeaky. You didn't answer for a second, hearing her concern for your leave felt nice. It's a dangerous bait, she's giving a false hope that getting her is actually plausible if you stay here. “Yes”, "Oh you actually didn't take the bait, good job, “I already submitted the required paperwork and they already approved it. My flight is in 3 days”, In your mind, you just think Chaewon is trying to use you.

After all this time you finally opened your eyes and saw that she's out of reach, she was never going to like you the way you like her. Obviously you don't really see the complex feelings she has for you but hey at least you're taking a step in the right direction. “How long were you planning to keep this away from me?” Seeing her being aggressive made you feel bitter, you hate seeing her with this new lens. “I didn't know how to tell you, besides…… I didn't think you would care”, Suddenly Chae grabbed your face forcing you to look at her. 

“You're my best friend, of course I care. Just because I encourage you to go doesn't mean you should just leave without saying anything”, It's painful, finally realising that the person you care the most is inherently toxic. You're not saying that she's in a toxic relationship because she's also toxic, but she has certainly dragged you into one because she is selfish. Chaewon needs you, because you're the only one who would enable her Stockholm syndrome. “It's just…… I don't know if I can face you”, You pull back your head away from her grip and look back at Luna who's acting cute to cheer you up. “What was that supposed to mean? You can't tell your best friend for, 8 or 9 years that you're leaving? And you just want me to accept that suddenly you went missing without saying anything?” 

“Chae….. you know I liked you right”, Silence fills the room, you anxiously wait for her responses, hoping that somehow she can break the new image you had for her. Yet the silence was long and the curiosity you had is too loud to ignore, so you raise your head and look her in the eyes. She wasn't surprised, or confused, or angry, she just had the look of understanding, “I know”, Those words flowed out of her mouth. It was so quiet that it was barely a whisper, yet it echoed through you like a thunderclap. When the ringing subsided the only thing you can hear is the loud crash of your heart breaking into a million pieces. She knew, this whole time she knew about it and never said anything. Had she enjoyed watching you squirm and dance for her while your feelings laid bare like an open wound? Was it some cruel game to her?

Chaewon felt regretful, seeing your heart break right in front of her is tormenting her conscience. It's inevitable, yet she was not prepared for how painful it was for her as well. “I know, and I'm sorry I never said anything-”, Chaewon saw you stand up and stop talking. “I….. god, this whole time?” Tears start to flow down your cheek, “I never meant to use you, I just, don't know what to say to you”, Chae reaches for your hand, her touch sending shivers down your spine, but not the comforting kind like it used to. It feels calculated, manipulative, a stark contrast to the warmth you once associated with it.

Chae sees the disdain you had in your eyes and it made her scared. Scared of losing you, scared of seeing you lose your temper, and worst of all, scared of having to confront the consequences of her actions. “Pup-”, You pull back your hand making her flinch, “Don't call me that. You….. you like seeing me like that didn't you? Being a good puppy, chasing you around, wagging my tail like a loyal dog”, Your words came out as a thunderous roar that made her squirm in her seat. “No, of course not, please I'm sorry, can we talk this out first”, Chaewon reached out to grab your hand again before pulling you to sit back down. “I….. I can't, you're just…….. I….. this whole time…..”, You just keep muttering to yourself. “Please sit down, I'm sorry I messed up okay? Can you please hear me out first?” Chae pleaded as tears also started to pour down her face. Those tears, they're real, but not to you, you think you know better and managed to see through her ‘manipulation tactics’. You grabbed your phone on the table and just stormed off the apartment, running as far away as you can from her.

Chae wanted to stop you, to reach out and grab you, yet her vision is blurred and she can't even see you leave the front door as the floodgates burst open. She can't even hear you slam the front door as she starts to cry her heart out. Her actions can only lead to one outcome, and she knows the longer she stalls the confrontation the worse the fallout is going to be. Unfortunately in her delusion she hopes that one day you'll just let go of your feelings and everything will be good. Your apartment, once a safe haven for her, is now empty and devoid of your warmth. The ‘beautiful friendship’ built upon the unspoken words between the two of you has crumbled like a house of cards by a single gust of wind. Hours passed away before her tears finally dried out. Chaewon lay down on the couch devoid of energy, all she can do right now it's just text you hoping that you'll answer her. 

You on the other hand are being absolutely ripped apart by your mom, “You ran all the way here?” Her voice boomed around the house. “Haaaaa, Haaaa, haaaaa, nooo……” Your whole body is drenched by sweat, your mom's place is like a 30 minute train ride and you just ran there like a mad man. “You idiotic rascal, tell me what you did”, Your mom starts slapping you as you are dying from exhaustion. It took a while for her to calm down and give you a drink. Throughout your recollection of what happens your mom keeps the same expression, it was the ‘I told you so’ expression. Once you finished the two of you just sat there in silence, you wanted to say something but words just couldn't come out of your mouth. “Haaaaaa, go take a shower and get some rest darling, you're all sweaty and smelly”, You nod before going back to your childhood bedroom.

As you finish a long hot shower you see Chaewon has messaged you almost a hundred times already alongside a few missed calls. You just stare at the notification, too scared to open it. In the end your fatigue overtake you and you slowly drift off to sleep without reading her texts. The next day you silently join your mom at breakfast, she sees that you're not ready to talk yet so she just silently acknowledges it before giving you farewell as she went to work. The day passes by slowly,  it doesn't help that you were just laying down on the bed as you rethink what happened last night. Is Chaewon really a toxic bitch, or was she just a product of her environment. Are you seriously trying to give her a pass for what she did? Okay yeah she's your friend for years now and you've seen her slowly turn from this confident and unapologetic girl into a meek abuse victim. However does that excuse her behaviour of leading you on for years? 

No, I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. I need to hear what she has to say at least. One chance, after all I'll be gone soon and I might not be able to see her again for a long time.

Alright, if that's what you want, just know you might lose yourself in her eyes again. “Mom, I need your opinion on something”, That's not exactly a polite way to greet your mom when she gets home. However she nods and follows you to the living room where you recounted your dramatic talk with Chaewon. “Darling, look at me”, Your mom grabbed your hand, “You are being an idiot a hundred percent”, Jeez thanks mom. “But if she is as manipulative as you said she was then it's also not fully your fault. After all, you can't really blame a victim fully for being taken advantage of”, Hey that's not an encouragement for your stupid idea. “Yeah, you're right mom….. I guess a toxic environment would make toxic people right?” Fucking hell you're hopeless. “What? Are you letting this slide already?” Thank fuck your mom wouldn't let such stupidity pass, “No, I just…. I guess I want to understand why she did it. After all I'm gonna be away for a year at least and if I don't get this straight then I might spend the better part of my time being distracted by her”, That's not a convincing argument, at least not for your mom.

“ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? You just said she's a manipulative bitch and now you want to run back to her with the risk of you falling for her trap again?” It felt kinda nice, channelling the pain you're having in your heart with your mom's beating, however you should stop her before she accidentally kills you. “Mom, I just want to leave this place with some peace in mind, okay? Can you just trust me this one time?” The answer is no, but she took a deep breath before she examined you slowly. “I'll trust you just this once, how do you plan to meet her again?” Relief and determination washes over you seeing that your mom has agreed to let you have closure. “I'll text her tonight hopefully we can have lunch before I leave in two days”, Solid plans, surely nothing bad would happen. “Fine, now go order something for dinner, I'm starving”

You: Hey, sorry about yesterday 

Chae: Where are you? Why did you ghost me for the whole day? Do you have any idea how worried I was?

You: No sorry Chae I'm at my mom's house already. Sorry for running off like that yesterday 

Chae: It's fine, are you coming back?

You: Not today, I need some sleep to clear my mind.

Chae: Then, can we talk tomorrow?

You: I hope so. Can we meet up at lunch?

Chae: That would be nice, I'm sorry too.

You: Yeah, guess we were too hot headed last night 

Chae: Yeah, I'll see you back here at your place tomorrow then?

You: You're still there?

Chae: Duhhhh, you left with your keys dangling on your phone, what am I supposed to do? Leave the door unlocked so someone can break in?

You: Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll come by at lunch then, I'll see you tomorrow.

Chaewon has been spending the day with her mind full of anxiety. She's scared that you might do, something drastic. The fact that you didn't answer or even read her text made her think of the worst possibility. However when you finally reply she lets out a sigh of relief knowing that you're fine. Tomorrow, she has to apologise to you, she has to make sure you leave on a high note. If things go wrong and you leave before she can mend this friendship then the two of you would never recover from it. She can't let that happen, after all you're also an important part of her life. Even though it wasn't in the way that you wanted it to be.

You see, the thing about life, it has a humorous side. To whom might the humour cater to? Nobody knows really, but it certainly wasn't aimed at you and Chaewon. “Chae come home now”, Those words are the things Chae feared the most. After every fight her boyfriend has two possible routes he will default too. One, surprise her with gifts and romantic gestures to make sure she remembers how nice he can be. Second, he can double down and try to ‘reason’ with her by making her accept that his outburst is just part of who he is. Unfortunately, today he decided to take the second option, which means if Chaewon didn't comply there's gonna be a second fight. “Can I see you after lunch, I'm-” Her hand is shaking anxiously when she says, “NO, come home now”, And when he interrupts her she almost drops her phone. “Babe please, I have an appointment at lunch”, She pleaded, “Babe…… come home”, He used his cold voice which is the final warning, and Chaewon can only curse her own luck, “Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can”

Chaewon quickly scrambled throughout your apartment, “Fuck me, why the fuck can't anything to right for once”, She glance over the flight ticket you had and memorise the schedule before quickly wrote a note on pen and paper. “Fuck, pup please, for the love of god please understand, I promise I can make it up to you”, She pray, to whomever would listen and grant her wishes. As she writes some tears start to fall down her eyes and stain the paper. It was supposed to be a short note saying how her boyfriend suddenly called and she hopes you can reschedule lunch. However, due to her frustration she ended up writing a long essay saying how much she's sorry and even writing out about the things she wanted to tell you in person. During this she was interrupted with a text message from her boyfriend asking her where she is. Chaewon haphazardly finishes the note before bolting out of the apartment, leaving the door unlocked.

A few hours later you anxiously knock on your apartment door, waiting for her to open the door. Every second felt like an eternity and as time passes your stomach starts to twist making you feel like you want to puke. “Chaewon?” You tried to unlock your door to find it was unlocked, walking inside you call up to Chaewon but the only response you get is Luna purring on the couch. It was clear, she wasn't here, “Fuck”, For the first time in forever you actually yell out your frustration. On the coffee table you find a stack of paper, glancing over it you easily recognise her handwriting. 

This is it? This is how we're parting ways Chae? With a stack of notes?

Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and sit down on the couch, try to read the note with an open mind.

Hey pup, sorry but babe wants to meet me. You know how it is, I don't want to make him mad. I really, really, really, like I mean really feel bad for leaving you this note but I sincerely hope you understand. I know I don't deserve to ask for another chance but I hope we can reschedule our lunch tomorrow. If you don't want to, I get it. It'll hurt but I get it. The thing is pup, I never want to hurt you, I really don't. You're kind, strong and smart, I always admire how mature you are and how you can get your shit together. It's hard for me to say this, but I'm sorry that I never felt any romantic attraction towards you.

I don't want to make this cliche but it's not you, it's just me. I know you're cringing right now but just know that sometimes people just aren't made for each other. I love you, as my friend. Sometimes I dream of a different life for us. One where you and I can stay as friends, one where you're my shy, innocent and diligent little brother and I can be your caring and teasing older sister. I know it's hard for you to read this but just know even though you and I are not meant to be, you still have a special place in my heart. And I'm sorry, I never say anything about this.

I was scared, I was confused and I was distracted. Fuck it sounds so bad but I really wanted to help you get over those feelings pup. It's selfish I know, but I want to fix my relationship with my boyfriend before I start making things up for you. You know I have a lot of friends, I know you've been eyeing Kazuha some times, and I know she is interested in you. Fuck, I really wish things would go a different way. I wish we could be best friends forever, you and I, confiding in each other. I hope it doesn't sound too harsh but you and I are special, it's just, not in the way you hope it would be. 

When you said about this volunteer work I might encourage you, but deep down I was scared. I know one day you'll finally snap and confront me about this weird dynamic between us. When you say about an opportunity to leave and get out of your shell I was scared that you'll leave me and come back as a different person. I was scared, because in this fucked up and chaotic world you were the one who made me feel safe. Someone that would understand my struggle and help me through it. However on the other hand I wanted you to break off your shell. This whole time you've been living for me, for the hope that I'll be yours. I wanted you to find your own path and find yourself, get away from me so that you'll find a way to let go of your feelings.

Now, writing this whole thing I realised, I can't keep being selfish. I hurt you enough, dragging you down to a toxic relationship unintentionally. So, if you're looking for a farewell, I'll give it. Go out there pup, save people's life, realise that you're much more than what you've given yourself credit for. I hope you'll break free of the collar I've put on you this whole time. You're an amazing person, and I hope you can live up to your potential. Maybe one day, once you come back you'll find a reason to forgive me. For the pain I cause you, for all those medical supplies you've spent for me, for ditching our last meeting with these notes. I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you, but this time, I ask you to be happy. I ask you to let me go, and just, find someone who can love you as much as you love me.

Fuck I've been rambling for too long already. Pup, if you do feel like meeting me before you fly away just text me. If you don't, I'll understand. I won't let you go without saying goodbye to your face though. I remember your flight schedule, so if you don't want to meet me again I'll go there and just, wave you goodbye. Stay strong pup, I hope we can meet again.

Chaewon's tears that have stained the paper are almost gone, replaced by your own tears that almost render the paper unreadable. Is this the closure you wanted? Was there some sliver of hope you still hold on to thinking Chae might actually have some form of romantic feelings towards you? It's bittersweet, although the sweetness is nowhere to be found, you know one day you can see this note with fondness. Maybe this note will be the catalyst of your change. But for now, you just had to swallow this bitter pill and move on. Well, cry your heart out first, let the catharsis calm you down after.  “Fuck Chae, I don't know if you'll still be here after I come back though”, Yeah that's a fair point. “Don't die, please don't die while I'm away”

The whole day, and the day after, you just felt this new energy flowing through you. There's still some pain and bitterness there but you understand, it's the first step towards the right direction. Your mom also seems to be pleased with the outcome of this. “Okay, maybe she's not as bad as I expect her to be darling. She's pitiful, that's the best way I can describe her”, Just like how you are attached to Chaewon, your mom also had some attachments toward her. After all, Chaewon was the person who has been keeping you safe from bullies and was one of the only genuine friends that is still in contact with you after all these years. “Mom, can I ask you a favour?” Your mom nodded confidently, she knew what you wanted to ask. “I know darling, I'll take care of Luna while you're away. And I'll make sure that your dear friend will still be in a recognisable state when you come back”, The lady part needs some better wording but that will do.

“Thanks mom, and if she contacts you, can you just give her these?” You hand her a little gift box, “Darling, this isn't a therapy appointment, she won't need this”, Hopefully you can find your mom's sassiness within you in this year long journey. “Just, give it to her okay mom? I'll be off”, She nods and kissed your forehead, “Don't die out there sweetie, I love you”, She smiled at you, a mother's encouraging smile is an over powered buff, “I love you too mom”

Let's move back to Chaewon, she knows it's your departure day and she read your text saying that you won't mind seeing her wave you goodbye at the airport. However, like usual she is being held back by someone. “Chae I need you to stop lying to me okay?” The calm tone her boyfriend is talking in is unnerving. It was like an ice pick that's being stabbed to Chaewon's fresh open wounds. “I'm not lying babe, he really is just a friend”, Chaewon cried, she doesn't want to cry because- “Liar”, He would scream at her, *CRACK* a loud smack echoes throughout the room as he slapped her with all his might. “I wasn't, babe please believe me. He's leaving for a year. I promise I just want to say goodbye to him”, Chaewon cried out as she lay on the ground while her body was screaming with pain. “I know you spent the night with him, Chae, don't lie to me. I let you off this whole time because I know that pussy won't be brave enough to make a move on you. But you, I know you fucking sluttyness knows no bounds. You were giving him a farewell gift, weren't you? You let him have sex with you after years and years of simping for you. Now you want to go there and make him rethink about leaving so you can keep him. I know a fucking bitch like you would keep a side man, a second option”

After a while he just left her in his house. Chae lays down on the floor, face messed up with tears and bruises, her body is exhausted from the mental and physical torture she's been subjected too in the last two days. She lay down there for god knows how long before she finally regained her consciousness. Looking at the time it's already an hour past your departure. Her tears are already dried up so she can't even let out her frustration anymore. “I'm sorry pup, I really do”, Not long she heard a knock on the door, “Hello, anyone in there?” It was a familiar voice but she can't remember who it is. Chaewon tried to stand up but her body could barely move. She wanted to say something but no words came out of her mouth. “Hello, I'm looking for Kim Chaewon, is she here?” Chae realises that whoever's behind that door is trouble, but her voice, Chae could swear she knows her from somewhere.

Chaewon tried to stand up but she failed and just fell down and caused some of the empty beer bottles on the table to fall alongside her and shatter on the floor. “Hello? Is everything alright?” It wasn't, some of the glass shard hit Chae which made her let out a barely audible painful whine. “I'm coming in”, Then a loud slam can be heard from the door before it opens. From the floor Chaewon is laying on she can finally see the person that's looking for her, it was your mom. “Jesus, what happened”, Your mom immediately ran up to Chae, her mind racing with concern, and hatred for Chae's boyfriend. “Ma'am, what are you doing here?” Chae flinched when she felt the older woman's hand examining her wounds. “I'll tell you later, did your boyfriend do this to you?” Chae flinched hearing that question, it's not the first time she heard her ask that. “Fine, don't answer if you don't want to. Let's get you to the hospital”, In one swoop she grabbed Chaewon and just carried her away. Usually she'll refuse this type of help, but now you're no longer there to help you, and she's too weak to refuse so she just let herself get taken away. 

Your mom lay Chaewon in the backseat of her car before she took her radio and contacted the nearest hospital. “Dispatch, this is Unit 23 responding. Requesting immediate medical assistance. One injured victim, multiple bruises, possible head injury and a few lacerations due to glass shard on her arm”, Chaewon struggled to stay awake and ultimately went unconscious again before she even reached the hospital. “Hang in there kid, my son gonna kill me if he come home to find you dead”

A few hours earlier you were waiting at the airport, hoping for Chaewon to show up and wave you goodbye. However as the time for departure was nearing Chaewon was nowhere to be seen. You text her and she didn't read it and when you finally boarded you ended up calling your mom to check on Chaewon. As you were busy worrying for her, a girl suddenly sat down next to you, “Hello, are you also here for the volunteer work?” Oh shit, Chaewon who? “Oh yes, I'm from Serenity Medical Institute, nice to meet you”, Hey maybe moving on won't be that hard after all. “Nice to meet you too, I'm Minju from the Oasis Regional Hospital”, Minju gave you a weird look when you heard where you came from. 

“Serenity Medical Institute huh, I didn't know they sent anyone for this”, Seating next to a beautiful girl like her made you feel nervous yet somehow she looks more nervous than you. “I am the only one who's going”, You smile a little embarrassed. “Really? That's surprising”, Minju smiled, “Well how many people went from your hospital?” She thinks for a second, “Probably 12?” Is your hospital just very stingy? “That's a lot, I didn't expect so many people would actually be interested in doing these kinds of stuff”, Would sending 12 medical personnel cause some problem in the hospital? Wouldn't it get crippled due to the lack of personnel? “Yeah well, it's not like we're short on people, also doing this will give our hospital some subsidies that would help a lot”, Minju looked at your confused face and got confused herself.

“You get subsidies? I don't think I read that part in the application form”, Do you even read the form though? “Well yeah the form is made asking for international aid. The subsidy is our government's way to encourage the nation’s medical personnel to help”, Did they just send you for the government money? “Although I don't think Serenity would care about that type of stuff”, She was sending some jabs to you but you didn't catch it. “Really? Why do you say that?” Minju furrowed her eyebrows trying to see if you're messing with her, “Well, because it's the rich people hospital”, Your genuine confusion took Minju off guard. “Really? I never knew”, Minju stares at you for a second, “How did you get a job there?” This is a good time to point out how clueless you are at everything.

“Well, after I finished college the owner, well I think he's the owner, came to me to offer me an internship. He said he knew my father and owe him once”, Pretty sure you never met that guy again, also your mom tore you a new hole after you accepted the offer thinking it must be a scam. “See, there's almost no way for people to get in without nepotism. The place has such a service fee that most of its clients are millionaires”, Minju saw you even more confused which frustrated her. “I thought the hospital was the best hospital in the country. I mean, wouldn't that be the reason for the high price?” She clicked her tongue hearing your response.

“Yes, but also because the benefactors and clients are some of the richest people in the country. Most of the people working there have been working there for generations already. It's almost impossible for someone to start working there fresh off college. Any new recruits needs to have at least 10 years of experience in any other prestigious hospital before they have a chance for an examination by them”, You are very clueless about most things. “Huh, I never knew about that”, Minju pinched herself to see if she's hallucinating, there is no way someone is this dumb right? “What's your parents job?” Could it be, you're just a savant in the medical field that attracts their eyes? “Well, my father was a firefighter, and my mom is a cop”, That doesn't sound like a rich person's job.

“Huh, then….. Did your father save someone's life and that person happened to be a very important person?” You shrugged, seemingly not caring about that, “Maybe, I mean he died when I was a kid and mom said he saved a lot of life so maybe he saved someone important and the guy gave me a job out of gratitude?” Minju was baffled with how little shit you're giving about this. “That's…… I'm sorry about your father but do you know how lucky you are? There's people who would die to have a job at your hospital”, This rubs you the wrong way. “Why? What's the difference between your hospital and mine? I mean you and I still both save lives regardless where we work so it wouldn't matter right?” Minju was taken off guard again, you sounded so genuine with your words that she felt embarrassed for forgetting the main job of a doctor.

“You're right, sorry I didn't mean to come out as a materialistic person”, You felt guilty seeing how embarrassed she is, “Oh no don't be, I'm sorry I didn't know most of those things so thank you for telling me this”, Minju smiled at you. “You're just an innocent puppy aren't you?” Eeeehhhh, are you an actual dog? How come two beautiful and completely different girls can see you the same way like that? “I guess”, She laughed seeing you reluctantly accept her nickname. “So, since we'll be working a lot closer from now on I think this would be a perfect time to get to know each other right?” This whole thing feels nostalgic, it's a deja vu for the first time you met Chaewon.

No, I can't keep living in the past. Come on, I'm on this trip to break free of my shell. Be more confident, talk to her. Fuck what if I fall for her and it end up the same way as I did with Chae? Fuck I'm not gonna find anyone if I keep being scared.

“Of course, why don't you start first?” Minju did start first, and she also took the majority of the speaking time because you're too shy to speak up. In the middle of it you got a text from your mom informing you of Chaewon's condition. “You're okay?” Minju said after seeing you turn catatonic for a while, “Oh, yeah just, something came up”, Your voice sounds shaky and you turn around to watch out the window. Minju stays silent after realising that you're not in a talking mood, although she is curious about the situation. Moreover she's curious about you, she finds you to be pretty cute and attractive, and your innocence has some charm to it.

After a while your mom texted back informing you that Chae is stable for now and sent you her medical report. You read through it extensively, the more you read it the more you regret going on this trip. Without you there Chae would probably run back to her boyfriend after being discharged from the hospital. Well, even if you're there you won't be able to stop her from going back to him. It's like you are Sisyphus and she is your boulder, no matter how hard you try, she will always stumble down the hill into her boyfriend's arms. “Hey, you're okay there?” Minju decided to speak up seeing how distraught you've become, “Ahhh no, something came up”, Having someone to talk to would be nice, but would she care to hear a story of a complete stranger? “I don't mind listening you know, if you don't mind sharing of course”, Minju smiles at you, “Well, I have this friend, her name is Chae…….”

.

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.

“Uggghhh”, A pained groan escapes out of Chaewon's mouth before she even gets to open her eyes. As she tried to sit up a hand stopped her from moving, “Take it easy now kiddo, you're still hurt”, This time she immediately recognised your mother's voice. “Ma'am, I….. where am I?” Chaewon tried to open her eyes but the room was too bright for her so she immediately closed it again. “In the hospital, you were pretty rough when I saw you”, The first thing that came up in her mind was to run, anything involving hospitals is bothersome, from the bills to the questioning she'll get. Thankfully she's well aware that your mom wouldn't let her run so easily, so she just lay back on the bed trying to regain her stamina.

After half an hour or so she is able to open her eyes and sit on the bed, looking around the place she realises where she is right now. “No, my son already left”, A quick reality check from your mom completely buried her hopes of having you delay your departure. “Why……. Why did you come to my place?” It's hard for her to look at your mom in the eyes. Unlike you, your mom has this dominating aura around her that shows she takes no shit from anyone. “My son asked me to check in on you when you didn't show up to his flight”

Oh right, I ghost him again. Fuck how can I keep messing this up?

“Listen kiddo, I never liked you. For years I've already told my clueless son that you're leading him on and he never listens. I would've confronted you but I digress because he always told me not to”, It's really jarring feeling the difference between you and your mom. Her words and piercing gaze made Chaewon shivers in her place. “And worst of all you actually push him to take a dangerous job off country just because you two can't be a grown up and talk about your feelings”, Just for the record, your mom was trying to not be overly hostile, she just came off that way. “I'm sorry”, Chae said weakly, “However, after he came to me with your notes I got a glimpse of your side of the story and, somewhat open to listen to the whole thing. Today, after I see you laying down half dead on that abuser's floor I think I understand enough”

“He's not an abuser”, Chae immediately bites back, as those words left her mouth she immediately flinched and felt scared for going against your mom. “Kiddo, I've been in this line of work for the last 25 years already. I've seen your story play out a thousand times. I promised my son that I'll keep you safe, so I'm taking you away from that whether you like it or not”, That's illegal right? “But he's not, he was just having an episode. Sometimes he just lash out, he can't help it, that's just who he is”, Chae is way too far down in her own hell to realise the exit is right in front of her. “Really? You're blaming this on his mental state?” Your mom wasn't taking any of that, “He's bipolar okay? He can't help having drastic mood swings”, He was never diagnosed, Chae just read some online article and associated him with that disorder to rationalise his sociopathic behaviour. “Blaming that maniac’s behaviour on mental disorders is an insult to the people who actually have mental disorders. Kiddo, I don't think you understand how irredeemable he is. What he did to you today is unacceptable, and if you don't want to fight for your own sake then I'll fight for you by bringing him to court”

Panic starts to set in, Chaewon can't let her do that, “He's not like that, I promise, please just give him a chance”, Seeing how pathetic Chaewon is, your mom wonders how you can enable her behaviour for so long. “Let’s have this talk in the morning. It's late and I need to get some rest. Go get some sleep, I'll be back here tomorrow morning. If I didn't see you here tomorrow morning I'm coming back to your apartment with a warrant for your boyfriend”, It's not your mom's first rodeo, she knows girls like Chae would care about her boyfriend’s feelings over her own well being. “Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow ma'am”, Not even a thank you, so rude.

Fuck why did things got so complicated now. You were always so caring but this is too much pup. Your mom is gonna be the end of me. Fuck how do I convince her to drop this, I can't let her make babe mad. I need to convince her.

How would Chaewon convince her? Well, with a stupid idea, “Are you being serious right now? You want me to talk with your boyfriend?” Downright idiotic honestly. “Please, it's just one talk. You'll see that he's not as bad as you think he is”, Your mom is absolutely flabbergasted with this request, this little girl actually wanted her to have a nice and civil discussion with an abuser? “I don't think you understand, assault and battery isn't just a civil case. The law enforcement such as myself have the right to pursue this case, you know that right?” This also means if she talks to Chaewon's boyfriend and he loses his composure your mom can use his incriminating words against him. 

“Trust me just this once okay? Please?” No way in hell your mom is gonna trust Chaewon, she sees Chae as an even more clueless person than you. She wants to say pathetic but she's not heartless enough to consider her own son pathetic. “I’ll drive you back to your place, I'll ask him about what transpired yesterday and that will be it. That's all the chances he's getting”, Although honestly she does see this as an opportunity to gather more evidence. “What? I need to tell him about this first”, Chae didn't have her phone, he broke it yesterday so she can't contact him, “Tchhh, so you can warn him? No, I'll give him this one chance so I can see him being unfiltered. So get your ass up because we're leaving now”, Despair, that's what Chae feels right now. 

Your mom led her to the receptionist where she signed the paper for discharge. Since you were working there she used her family member card so that Chaewon's hospital bills would be reduced to zero, and that's a good price. Throughout the ride Char can't stop herself from biting her nails, her legs are all jittery and her heartbeat is beating irregularly, she's scared out of her mind. Once they arrived back at her place she was so nervous your mom had to wake her up from her thoughts. “Ahhhhh, oh sorry, you scare me”, Chae tries to calm her breathing down while your mom is staring at her, then the latter gets out of her car prompting Chae to follow her.

Chaewon knocked on the door, after all your mom didn't exactly search around to pick up her personal things such as wallets or keys. “You do know I broke the door yesterday right? The locks haven't been fixed”, Chae blushed hearing this and just opened her door, going inside she called up for her boyfriend but there was no response. “He must be out”, There was some relief in her voice, hopefully your mom would just leave the place so she can brief her boyfriend about what's gonna happen. “That's unfortunate then-”, However Chaewon's dreams were short lived as the older woman's words were interrupted by some ruffling sounds from the bedroom followed by some footsteps. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Really? That's the first thing your mom said in her mind. She's completely baffled that Chaewon would ruin her own life for someone like that. No body shaming of course, the guy was good looking, but he looks like the most generic fuckboy ever imaginable. “I'm here to talk to you, I am Officer Hwang, last night I find…….”, She trailed off letting silence fills the room. The reason for that is because a girl walks out of the bedroom he just came out from. Seeing how minimal their clothing is, it's quite easy to grasp what they were doing. “Who is this?” Chaewon's fear and anxiety is replaced with unbridled rage as if he just crosses the line. “None of your business, and why the fuck did you bring a cop here huh? Hwang? Is it that retard’s mom?” He's so eloquent, no wonder Chaewon fell for him.

“Lady her your clothes and get out”, The random girls immediately sprint back to the bedroom, “Who the fuck is she?” Chaewon screamed at her boyfriend. “Fuck you, who is this? You brought a cop here? Are you insane?” Seeing him refuse to answer, Chaewon raises her hand and slaps him. It is unprofessional to laugh at someone who's getting ‘assaulted’ but your mom can't help but crack open a smile. “Are you crazy, bitch?” The slap has taken him off guard, never in his life did he think that Chaewon would have the balls to do something like that. The random girl came out of the bedroom wearing her pants with some of her underwear being stuffed into her bag. “You were cheating on me?” Chaewon roared, she looked at the random girl and was ready to pounce on her but thankfully your mom swooped in and pulled the girl outside.

“Move, I need to talk to that bitch”, Chaewon tried to push your mom away but the latter hold firm, “I think you should deal with this one first”, She pointed at her boyfriend. “Shit fucker, look at me”, He roughly pull Chaewon's hand making her body ragdoll to the ground. “You think you're hot shit because you have a cop here?” This guy has issues, “You were fucking some random girl? AFTER YOU SNAPPED BECAUSE YOU THINK I WAS CHEATING ON YOU?” Huh, maybe Chaewon's final line is just cheating. It's impressive that he never crosses that line for the last few years. Seeing how Chaewon wasn't being a scaredy cat like usual hurts his pride, so he raises his hand to hurt her in return. 

“You should stop that”, Your badass mom just grab his hand before he can slap Chae, “You fucking disgusting pig, HOW DARE YOU CHEATED ON ME”, But she didn't stop Chaewon from slapping him. “You fucking whores”, His pride really can't take this anymore and he took one of the empty bottle on the table. “I warned you”, With a bored tone your mom pulled out her taser gun and just shot fade him. Immediately he fell to the ground, the bottle thankfully didn't break and cut his skin, despite how much your mom wanted that to happen. “You asshole”, Chaewon walks to him and just kicks him in the ribs, “Alright don't do that, you're gonna get in trouble”, But her words don't reach her like usual. Chaewon tried to kick him again prompting your mom to just drag her out of the house.

“Let me go, I need to kill that bastard”, She was taken off guard seeing how Chaewon just flipped a switch out of nowhere, “Well it's better than before I guess”, She muttered before pushing Chae to her car. “Stay here for a second, I need to clean this mess”, Well at least her menacing glare is enough to stop Chae from struggling. “Here, go busy yourself while I call up the medic”, She shoved a little gift box you prepared for Chae to her lap. Chaewon immediately recognised your writing and opened it, inside is a note and she immediately read it.

Hey Chae, I was writing this note because I feel like that's just gonna be our thing from now. Let me start by saying, it hurts. Reading your notes was painful and really fuck me up. However, I do understand where you're coming from. I can't force you to like me, although I really want to, I realise it's just not possible. I guess we were both an idiot, so caught up in our feelings that we ended up hurting ourselves. I just want to say, I don't hate you, I understand where you're coming from, I really do. I hope one day when I come back home we get to sit down together and talk about this further. I hope once I get back we can have a civil and mature conversation about our friendship and other things.

However, for that to happen, I need you to still be around when I come home. Yes I helped you throughout these years because I loved you. But it would be wrong if I say that was the only reason why I helped you. I was scared for you, this relationship you had with your boyfriend isn't healthy Chae. When we first met you were this badass girl who never backed down from anything. Now you're just this vulnerable girl who is being dragged through hell because you can't let go of your feelings. You know I'm right, all your friends have given up on you already because they can't bear to watch you destroy yourself. You say something about setting me up with Kazuha yet the last time you talked to her was already 2 years ago. Chae, I'm scared, I'm really scared with the idea that you won't be alive by the time I come home. I wrote this note because I want you to let him go.

No, I wasn't saying this because I feel jealous of him, I'm saying this because I care about you. I'm on this “journey” in hope that I can let go of my feelings, in hope to “break my chains” as you put it. Now I'm asking you to break yours as well. I know you're tired of hearing these words but you're sacrificing so much just by staying with that guy. I might sound biassed, but you can get any guy in the world and you're choosing the worst option. I never thought I'd say this, but it's also hurting my pride knowing you prefer staying with an abuser rather than, me. Fuck that sounds so bad, but if you were dating some rich handsome guys I'll have my heartbreak way earlier than this and probably move on. Chaewon, you're a beautiful, talented and strong girl, you can do better than him. It hurts seeing your mental toughness that I always envied are being used just so you can tolerate him. Please, now that I'm gone I can't keep you safe any longer. For the love of god please let him go Chae. I don't want to come back home seeing you six feet underground.

I might just be beating a dead horse but I hope you can see where I'm coming from. In this box there's my apartment keys. I already pay rent for the next 4 months so you can stay there if you need to. And finally, there's a hospital card here, you can use it in Serenity and get treatment free of charge. I hope you'll never need to use it, but I also hope for a lot of impossible things. Anyway I've been rambling for too long, I hope mom didn't go too hard on you. Stay safe Chae, stay alive. I hope we can meet again once I'm back home. I'll miss you.

It took her almost 30 minutes rereading that note you left her. It all boils down to, “Chaewon your boyfriend is trash, leave him already. Here take my keys”, But she keeps rereading them hoping there's more. She needs more, she needs you to write something, anything that could comfort her. “Fuck pup, why can't I just listen to you”, But alas there's none, after all you never expect this messages to actually change her mind. It technically didn't, her boyfriend's act of crossing her line did but this note is the nail in the coffin. A certain word rings in her mind, “If only he can be more like you”, So fucking cliché, yet sometimes clichés came from real life things.

Why the fuck did I say that? You're so fucking stupid sometimes Chae. Why ask for someone to be like him when he's already available. God what have I done.

No point of crying over spilled milk, but that doesn't stop her from ruining your notes with her tears. Is this your thing now? Sending notes and soaking them with tears. “He’s not a problem anymore, just in case you're wondering”, Chaewon jumped back at her seat when she saw your mom had rejoined her back in the car. “Right”, Chae wiped her tears and put the notes back in the box, “You want to go somewhere or do you want to go back to your house?” Chae glanced back to her house. It was inherited to her after her parent's death a few years ago, it was around the time she started dating that pig. Those beautiful childhood memories, all tainted by his presence. 

“No, can you take me back to your son's apartment?” It's not that your mom wants to snoop around, but she's just curious and has checked the gift before she hands it to Chaewon. “Got it”, Your mom thinks it would be a good idea for Chae to stay away from her house for now, 4 months is a pretty long time to cool down. However Chaewon had different plans, “I'll wait for you to come back pup. I can fix this, I can fix us. I'll wait for you to come back, then we can start over”, Her barely audible whispers float off to the wind. A promise for a better future, no matter what it takes.

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“Babe you need to stop dozing off”, You were woken up from your daydream with a gentle touch to your shoulder. “Right, I just feel weird. I can't believe a year passed already”, Yeah, it felt like a year just passed in an instant. “Come on, don't tell me you're thinking about staying here?” Minju wrapped her arm around you, “Of course not, I'm just a little sad that I'll have to go already”, Minju smiled and gave you a kiss. “There, I don't want my little puppy to be sad anymore”, She said teasing you, “Don't call me that, please never call me that in front of other people again”, It's bad enough that she calls you that in front of her coworkers, if she pull that name in front of your friends, or even your mom, you'll die out of embarrassment.

“Heheheheh, I won't promise anything. Now come on I need your big muscular arm to help me out the bags on the truck”, Living with no reception has bore you a lot, which is why you start working out alongside the soldiers that keeps the area secure. So needless to say, you've grown into a Chad, after loading the luggage you sat down with the rest of Minju’s coworkers. “So, what are we eating once we get home?”, Jaehyun, one of Minju's coworkers, asked the group. “I want some junk food, like 10 big macs covered with cheese dips type of junk food”, “No way in hell, we're eating something fresh, I want sushi”, “I don't care what we're eating but we need alcohol. Like a lot of them”, You've been pulled to be part of their friend group, although most of the time you and Minju would just fool around somewhere else. “Let's vote then, what does everyone want?” Voting with friends is such a bad idea, “I'm down for anything”, “Yeah me too, I don't mind”, “I don't really crave anything so I'll just follow what everyone wants”, In the end Minju just pull you to the passenger truck and sit with you at the back while her friends are busy discussing.

“So, we're going to meet your mom once we land?” It's hard to communicate with the people back home, you can only send her a letter every few weeks or so. Well except last week when you were given a satellite phone to arrange yours . “Well she did say she's gonna pick me up, so maybe we can have dinner with her after”, You haven't really told your mom about Minju so you're kinda nervous, “I don't think I'm down for thay babe. It's a 10 hour flight and I would rather go home and have a good long bath. Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow night”, Thankfully she rejected the dinner. “Guess you're right, I'm sure mom also wants to ask me about what I did for the last year”, It would be awkward to tell your mom that you actually got shot here. “Yeah, don't die okay baby”

“I told you you're gonna get shot”, You're like an inch away from getting shot by her out of frustration. “But mommmm, it was just an accident, some stray bullet from the soldier's training”, They even send you money for the inconvenience, or to shut you up. “Haaaaaa, I'm really this close to losing it. You didn't think about telling me in one of those letter you send me?” This is certainly a welcoming party, “ I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you worry”, She sighed and just shook her head. “Mom, where's Luna?” You tried to change the topic, “With Chaewon, that fat fuck want to stay at your apartment over here”, You raised your eyebrow in confusion, “Chae still living at my place?” 

Your mom does send you some update about her in the first few months, most of it just saying how Chae is getting better and has been reconnecting with her friends. “You should go there and talk to her”, Right, the long awaited reunion is due, “I should, tomorrow we're having dinner with Minju so I guess I could come over now”, Time zone difference fuck you up because you left around sunset and arrive back at your home around 8 AM, which isn't fun. “I can drop you off at your place if you get ready right now”, As you took a shower you can't help but feel nervous. For the last year you didn't really try to reach out to Chae and your mom didn't say anything if Chae tried to reach out to you. Going back to the living room you immediately noticed how tight your outfits has become. “That usually happens when you build up muscle darling. You should go and get some new clothes”, You remember Minju said she is a shopaholic so you made a plan to do a shopping run later with Chae. Just as a friendly reunion right? Right?

“Congratulations on your promotion by the way mom”, You pull out a gift for her, “Ohhh? What's this? The bullet that they took out of your body?” Damn that would actually be a pretty good gift for her. “Uhhh no, it's just a knife one of the refugees gave me”, Without hesitation she ripped open the box and pulled out a pristine military knife. “Ohhhh, good job darling, I'll put this on my desk”, She smiles happily before strapping the knife into her waist. “Now come on, I'm gonna be late”

You stand in front of your door, feeling anxious and nervous. If any of your neighbours see this they're probably gonna be weirded out since you’re just standing there for 5 minutes. Suddenly the front door clicked open and you saw Chaewon. She was going out and she bumped into you, “Sorr-.......” The two of you just stare at each other silently. The first thing you noticed is how healthy she looks, her cheeks are no longer hollow, her skin isn't sagging, she looks better. “Hey Ch-” Chae jumped to hug you before you finished your sentence, “It's you, you're home”, Even her strength is back, enough to suffocate you. “Chae, calm down for a second”, But she doesn't want to calm down, “You're back, you're really back, I miss you so much”, Chae hugged you even harder without any intentions of letting go.

“Chae let's not do this in the hallway”, She suddenly felt your arm wrapped around her body and picked her up with ease. It was at this moment that she noticed you don't feel so scrawny anymore. “You've grown”, She let go of the hug as you closed the door behind you, her eyes travelling all over your body. “Yeah well, I got a lot of free time there”, Your cheeks turn red as Chaewon shamelessly feels up your arms. “Meow”, Luna walked out of the bedroom and the moment she saw you she immediately ran to your leg. “Hey there Luna, did you miss me”, You picked her up and she immediately purred in your familiar embrace again.

“Well come here take a seat. Don't be a stranger in your own apartment”, Chae smiles and pulls you to sit down on the couch. Looking around you notices she has done a few furnishings, the place still looks familiar, yet there's some of her touch painting the whole apartment. “You like it? I don't want to change too much but I feel like your previous decorations were kinda bland”, Is her snarky remark making a return as well? “Well the place does look less grey”, Chaewon sits closer to you, “So, how was your trip? Come on tell me everything”, She leaned towards your arm and rested her head on your shoulder.

“It's a long story, weren't you just leaving to go somewhere?” Bering with Minju for a while you've grown immune to women's advances due to how flirty she was. “I was just about to get some breakfast. Have you eaten anything yet? We can order some food”, Chae notices your lack of embarrassment and it makes her, happy. “Well I ate some airplane food earlier, so I wouldn't mind going out for some actual good food”, Luna let out a growl as if she understands that you're leaving already. “Come on let's just eat here, I want to hear everything that happened to you”, Chae pinched your cheek as she leaned even closer to you. 

“Come on let's go out Chae, I also need some help. I actually gained some weight and my old clothes are getting too tight for me. Can you help me do some clothing runs?”, A date, Chae is ecstatic that you wanted to have a date with her the moment you return. “Yesssss, let's go then”, She stood up and pulled your hand, “Hahahaha, sorry Luna you're gonna have to wait for me again”, Luna let out a protest meow before jumping off your lap. “She's gonna be fine, let's go pup, it's shopping time”, Surely Chaewon won't take the whole day to help you get some new clothes.

“So you were actually shot? Like with a real bullet?” Chae is filled with concern hearing your story, “Yeah, it was just a ricochet so it's not that deep but it still hurts”, Don't cut off the fun part, tell her you cried like a baby as they tried to stop your bleeding. “That's terrible, I swear to god I'll kill that idiot who dares to shoot you”, It pisses her off, she could've lost you because some stupid drill. “It's fine, I was too close to the training yard anyway”, You can't help but smile seeing her angry face. It reminds you of the time when she used to get angry every time someone tried to pick on you. “Tchh, I'm only letting it go because you're safe and you got a cool scar from it”, Chaewon continued looking at your arm, rather, your bicep.

“Yeah, it does look cool”, You trailed off as you checked your messages that Minju had sent you. Chae furrowed her eyebrows seeing you've been busy chatting with someone on your phone throughout this breakfast. She wants to know who's making you smile and what those texts are, but she refrains for now. “Well I hope your feets are ready, we're giving you a makeover”, She'll ask you about those texts later, after all she has all the time in the world with you.

The shopping was hellish, Chaewon keeps pulling you to every clothing store there is and has you tried every single piece of clothing she can find. Then to top it off you had to bring all the luggage yourself. Well you don't have to, but you don't want to make her carry it so you just swallow the pain and move on. “Chae can we stop here? I think this is enough'', Chae does notice your suffering but she can't help herself to dress up her boyfriend. “Alright, let's put it back at our place, we can order some food for lunch”, Our place? You're gonna say something about that? “Our-”, Unfortunately your phone rings before you can ask it. 

“I need to answer this call first, can you order a cab for us?” Now, Chae is not exactly a nosy person, but she feels irritated with how much you were on your phone during this date. “Fine”, She doesn't want to make a scene so she'll just frown as she watches you walk a way to answer your call. “Hey babe , I was thinking that maybe we can grab some lunch? Or are you still dealing with jet lag?” Minju said, “I'm outside right now, having a reunion with Chaewon”, A little slither of guilt can be heard in your voice as you felt bad for refusing your girlfriend’s invitation. “Oh well, did everything go well?” She doesn't mind though, “Yeah, I think we're having a good day so far. I'm kinda happy seeing her revert to her old self. Although I think I would rather have her tone down her occasional jab. Physical jab, she's one of those people who like to playfully punch you and it hurts”, You hear Minju laughed out loud at your complaints. “Oh no, my poor baby can't take a woman's punch? Even with all those muscles?” PSA: Domestic violence is not a joke, please seek professional help if you or someone you know are dealing with one. 

“Hey listen she's not your average girl okay? She used to be the badass tomboy who beat up guys bigger than him. Besides you should see her biceps, they're huge”, Chaewon can't hear you but she is certainly not happy with the smiles that's forming on your face. “I would love to, is this an invitation for me to join your reunion?” Ahhhh shit, what did you just do? “Well”, You look back at Chae and are surprised seeing her hostile glare, “Maybe not today”, You're not sure why she's mad but you think it's best not to ask it for now. “Well, hopefully I can meet her soon. I'll see you tomorrow okay babe? Pick me up for the date please, you can buy some used car with the money they gave you for the bullet wounds”, You can't concentrate on what she's saying and hurriedly end the call before walking to Chaewon.

“The cab will be here soon”, Oh no, she's using her cold angry voice again, “O-okay”, The two of you awkwardly stand there waiting for the cab. Throughout the whole ride Chaewon was looking out the window trying to calm herself down. However the moment she hears you typing on your phone she immediately turns to you and lets out a vicious glare. Feeling your life might be in danger you put down your phone. Anxiousness starts to rise within you, it's not the first time you see her this mad but it's still terrifying.

What the fuck did I do now? Chae only got this mad when I did something stupid and hurt myself. Think Mark, think. Whatever it is, I should try to apologise once we get home.

The two of you silently walk back to your apartment, as soon as you walk in you hear Chaewon slam the door behind you. “Put it there”, She pointed at the floor, you obediently put down the groceries trying to find words to calm her down and inquire on what you did wrong. “Who was it?” Her voice, cold and piercing just like her eyes, “Who was what?” That's not an answer, so she walks towards you and pushes you to the wall. “Who were you talking to on the phone? The whole day you were busy talking with someone. Throughout our fucking date you were just chatting with someone else. Do you not respect me at all? Your girlfriend is in front of you yet you were busy with whoever it was in your phone”, Alright, what the fuck?

Let's break this down, first she doesn't like you talking to someone, which is understandable since it was pretty rude to be busy with your phone while you're hanging out with someone else. Then she says date, you didn't think it was a date, friendly date possibly but isn't that just a hangout? Lastly, girlfriend, this one actually takes you out of it. Hearing her referring to herself as your girlfriend is not something you ever thought you'll hear. This time, after a year of spiritual journey, you actually don't want to hear her say that.

“Chae?” Seeing that you're not answering she just digs her nails into your arm. “ANSWER ME. Who was it? And don't fucking lie to me”, Her voice echoes throughout the whole room, yet it feels so distant, as if this whole thing is just a dream to you. “That's…. I…. I was talking to my girlfriend”, Chae was about to scream back saying you weren't talking to her enough, then she realised you weren't referring to her. “Your. Girlfriend?” Her face contorted as she spat those words, “I guess I haven't mentioned her yet. Her name is-”, Your words are interrupted by her slap. 

"Girlfriend?" she spat, her voice laced with disbelief that morphed into a chilling possessiveness. "Don't lie to me, babe. You're mine. You've always been.”, Words are stuck on your throat, after years of following her shadow with the hope of getting a whiff of her warmth you managed to get it at the worst possible time. The name ‘babe’ rings like a distant lullaby, those words that you crave from her felt like venom to you now. “Chae when I was there I got close with Minju. We-”, Her hand flies quickly to grab your mouth, silencing your words that's about to break her delusion. “No, that's not right at all babe. I see now, you're confused and tired. Serving there must've been very tiring for you babe. You were just homesick and miss me, yeah let's get you some rest babe”

Chae leaned and kissed your cheek, yet her eyes are challenging you to refute her words. “No, Chae I have-”, The second slap was much more painful than the first one, because this time she put her back on it. ��Baby I really think you're just tired, come on let's get you to your bed. You must've missed sleeping on your bed right? I'll accompany you, we can eat lunch later”, Chae grabbed both of your hands, tugging them for you to follow her to the bedroom. “No Chae, she's real. Minju is very lovely you'll like her”, This whole situation was so odd for you that you're also in denial of Chaewon's transformation. 

Chaewon's eyes narrow, trying to pierce through your skull to inspect your mind, then a humourless laugh escapes her mouth. “I see now, you had a rebound girl while you were away. I don't think I appreciate that babe, but for now let's get you to rest. I can punish you after you get some sleep”, The room was silent as if it was waiting in horror to see your next move. “No Chae……. I love her. I love Minju”, Your muscles stiffen, trying to brace for her next slap. Yet it never came, there was only silence.  “Love her?”

Alright, stop denying, you know what's happening right now. “Chae I-”,  You were once again interrupted by her, this time with her lips that aggressively crashed into yours and sealed it shut. This is it, the dream you've always wanted to achieve, a kiss from the girls that has held your heart for years now. Yet the kiss brought a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. On one hand, it ignited a dormant flame within you, a spark of the yearning you'd harboured for Chae for years. The warmth of her lips, the familiar scent of her hair, it all felt like a dream come true, a gift from god for all the good things you've done. On the other hand the sweetness was quickly tainted by the bitter reality. Your heart, now entwined with Minju's, ached with guilt and betrayal. This wasn't supposed to happen. Chae had friend-zoned you, leaving you to move on and build a new life. This sudden shift, this desperate claim of ownership, it sent your mind reeling. 

Is this the Chae you know? The one who has explicitly told you that the two of you can never work? Or was that Chae a fake one? You've never heard those words outside the notes she left you. Perhaps those notes are just her denial of the feelings she actually had for you. Denial that was hidden by the guilt she had for using you all this time? Is this confusion you're having is just a pathetic rationalisation for your own feelings for her? Was Minju truly just a rebound girl? Did you leave your heart here with Chae this whole time and only notice it now that you're back with her?

So many questions yet no answer. You didn't try to think of an answer, after all there's a fight going on within you right now. Your body has been yearning for these moments and responded instinctively. Your heart screaming with protest as it was being torn apart by the guilt you harbour for Minju. Each agonising second felt like an eternity. You wanted to pull away, to break free from this confusing entanglement. Yet with each second passing Chae's grip tightened, her kiss becoming desperate, almost pleading. It was like witnessing a damsel in distress, someone drowning in a sea of their own obsession, and a part of you, the part that once loved her fiercely, wanted to save her.

“Haaaaa”, Finally she broke the kiss, her head pressing against yours, her hand still tightly gripping on to your collar. Her eyes are filled with ecstasy, she's in a trance, for a moment you wonder if this is what you would look like if she kissed you before you left. “You're mine babe, you're mine and mine alone”, A hushed whisper can be heard flowing out of her mouth. The kiss, it was a culmination of all the obsession and longing she has for the last year. Your absence in her life was a hellfire for her loneliness, forging her into this, thing. Day by day her longing got more and more intense until it slowly turned into a need. Now that you're here those feelings only become more intense, like a sword that has finished sharpening and ready to be used.

While she was lost in the vortex of her own emotions you finally connected the dots. Despite her rejection she has explicitly said that she has special feelings for you. A love that was strong in every way but romantically. However it would change once she finally broke free of her chain, of the collar her boyfriend has put on her. Lost, confused, exiled, her only source of hope was you. After all her friend left her the only person she can rely on was you. Yet you were already gone, left to find your own love. Of course, that's why she is still here, living in your apartment with the thought that you two can reconcile after you return. Funny how life works, Chaewon finally has the same feeling you've been ‘hiding’ from her for years just right after you lost those feelings. 

“You know you love me babe. Whoever that Minju girl is, she's irrelevant. We belong together, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you for so long. I promise I'll make it up to you. Just be patient okay babe, after all we have our whole life to be together. Nothing can separate us anymore, I love you”

“I-”, NO! 

Your mind managed to take control of your body before you answered her. “I...” Chaewon smiles thinking you were just too shy to say it back. “Chae, it's too late”, Desperately you tried to bury back those feelings, you can't hurt Minju, and for some reason there's this voice warning you that whatever Chae is feeling right now, it's dangerous. “Baby, you know how much you hurt me by saying that”, Her face formed a disappointed frown as her tone turned sour, her eyes turned glassy as if she was about to burst into tears. “I can't Chae, I'm sorry”, It hurts seeing her like this as well, you never thought you'd make her cry by rejecting her. 

“You don't mean that pup, I can see it in your eyes. You didn't move on and I know it. You have loved me for years already, how can you just let go of all those feelings in just one year”, Her vulnerable tone and pained expression was nothing but a calculated move. Loyalty and charity, those are your two strong suits, and she knows acting hurt and vulnerable would be an easy way to change your mind. “I….. I can't Chae”, She also knows, despite your physical growth, mentally you wouldn't even hurt a fly.

“Why are you lying to me pup? I can feel your body is calling for me”, Her hand slips inside your sweater. As her cold and slender fingers feel up your abs you can't help but feel like the inside of your stomach is twisting. This is all you ever wanted yet it terrifies you. “You've grown pup, I like it”, With inhuman strength she just ripped apart your flimsy sweater. “Chaewon no”, You try to stop her, your mind does,  but your body is much more honest. “Did she do this to you?” Chae pressed her finger towards the hickey you had on your collarbone, “Chae stop this”, You pleaded again, but your words aren't coming through to her. “I'll hide it babe, I'll hide it with my make so you'll forget that whore”, Chae leaned in and bite on your collarbone.

The pain, you're not even sure if it was physical or emotional. Out of all the way that you could have her you never expected that it would be done through, rape. Is this rape? Do you truly hate this? “Who was that?” Your phone buzzed making Chaewon stop her marking session. “I-”, She didn't bother waiting for your answer before rushing through your pocket and finding your phone. The name Minju was written on the screen showing she just texted you something. “Forget about her”, Chae throws away your phone before diving back to your shoulder. 

I don't want this. I don't want this at all.

You pushed her away but it was so weak she barely moved. “Stop doing that”, She mumbles as she continues biting you. “Chae stop this please”, You push her again but this time you managed to put some power into it. She doesn't budge, her teeth still hooked into your flesh refusing to let you go. “Chaewon stop”, Finally raise your voice, she stops biting you yet her body is still pressing you to the wall. “Baby, I need you to stop playing so hard to get okay? I know you want this”, Come on tell her no, tell her she's wrong. “See, you need to stop lying to me”, Her hand caressed your bulge, “I know you more than you know yourself”, She whispered in your ear.

Do I actually want this? Was I overreacting when I call this rape? Chaewon would never do that. She's a kind and loving person. She would never do anything to hurt me. Right?

She fucking gaslight you so easily? “My god, you're so big baby”, You glanced down and realised Chaewon was already kneeling in front of you, your pants already pulled down exposing your cock. “Chae”, She smiles, your tone is much more meek now, she knows she got you by the, well, balls. “It's okay babe, I'll be gentle”, Her slender fingers gently wrapped around your cock as her lips kissed your tip. Your body shivers with the sensation, her gentle touch was enough to make you leak some precum. Chaewon smiles proudly, “I'm flattered babe, you've been missing me too right?” Her tongue sticks out and licks your tip. 

The more she licks the more you leak out. Her hand starts stroking you as she licks your cock like a lollipop, savouring the taste of your precum. Not long after that she kissed your tip again before pushing it into her mouth. “Ohhh fuck”, You moan, her mouth was too small for it and despite her best effort she can only go halfway. Feeling defeated she pulls away before spitting onto your shaft, her hand continues stroking and coats your cock with her saliva. If she can't take all of your length she will be creative. So as her head bobs up and down her hand jerks you off with the lubricant she just applied. Wet sloppy noise echoes throughout the room, accompanied by the sounds of your grunt and moans. 

“Chae, fuck”, Feeling your cock starts to throb she got even more intense. Her hand and head go in sync as she tries to milk you. “Chae, I'm cumming”, Your hips buckled forward forcing Chae to choke on your cock as you unload down her throat. The sensation of your thick and warm cum travelling down her throat gives Chae a sense of victory. Her eyes never leave yours for a second and she watches every single emotion you went through this whole time. She knows, you can't run from her.

“You taste so good babe”, She moaned once she pulled out your cock. Then she just let it rest on top of her small and pale white face, a view so arousing yo8r body starts screaming for round two. “Chae, I-”, It only took five seconds and your guilt already came back, this displeases her. “Come here baby, let's continue this in our bed”, She stood up and grabbed your hand. Now that your mind is clear, the post nut clarity should help you make your decision. Should you run now? Or should you just let yourself fall deeper into this, abyss.

“Come on babe”, Realising you're second guessing yourself, Chaewon grabbed your hand using both of her own while using her cute and innocent face. She hates to do this, she really does, because right now she's using a strategy that her ex used on her. “I……” Yet seeing you falter made her happy, there's always a silver lining in everything. Right now, she won't mind personifying her ex’s attitude if it means she gets to make you stay with her. “Hehehehehe, come on let's do a quick one babe, we can have lunch after this”, With one pull she managed to crumble down your common sense.  So you follow her, right into the dragon's nest. Inside your room you can see it's pretty much the same. The only difference was her makeup and dirty clothes that filled up the room. “I don't want to change too much, after all I want you to go back home to a familiar sight”, She smiles before pushing you to the bed. Chaewon takes off her skirt before jumping on to you. She pushes your erect cock into her stomach, “Look babe, you're gonna split me in half with this monster”

Seeing how quiet you are, Chae just takes off her top before leaning towards you. “Don't be shy babe, I know you've been dreaming for this moment for years now”, Her hand pulls yours into her breast, “Feel it babe”, She whispered in your ear. Overtaken by lust, your hand gently squeezed her tits making her moan, “Yeah baby, just like that. Don't be shy anymore okay? I know you like this as much as I do”, Chae raises her waist and aligns your cock with her wet entrance. “I love you”, And with that she lowers her waist, struggling to take your cock. “Fuck”, You grunted feeling how tight she is, “It hurts so much babe”, She moaned before leaning into your neck. “You're really gonna split me apart”, Her breath has become shaky as she continues pushing more of you into her. 

“Chae”, You whispered, “Yeah baby? Do you like it?” She bites your ear, “Take it slow” Oh no. “Hehehehehe, I'm not fragile you know”, Hearing your submission gave her a new source of energy. Her lips crashed on to yours as both of her hands hugged your head, not letting you move. As she managed to take your full length she didn't bother to rest a little and start moving. “I'll get used to this babe, I promise. We're made for each other, you and I”, She moans while her lower body is screaming in agony, but she couldn't care less. Her mind was already overtaken by lust, all those sleepless nights from missing you has caused her to have so much pent up stress. “Fuck Chae, calm down for a second”, You moaned feeling how aggressive she has become.

“No baby, you have no idea how much I miss you”, Chae presses her head against yours, you can see her eyes are filled with nothing but madness. “Those sleepless nights, all those times I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming that you'll be there with me on our bed. Now you're back baby, and I will show you, just how much I've been missing you, how much I needed you”, She rode you even faster, making you let out a moan. “Yeah, do you like it baby? Do you like my pussy”, Chae whispered in your ears, “Grab my ass baby, I know you've always liked them”, She said before she started kissing you again.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Your hand reached down to grab her ass cheek. The first thing you noticed was how soft and smooth her skin feels, and as you squeeze them you find yourself enjoying the firmness of it. “Do you like it baby?” Chaewon moaned, “I….. do”, Chae smiled hearing your words. “Well don't be shy, use me however you like babe”, Her words are way too potent for you, “Fuck, Chae I'm about to-” Feeling your cock throbbing inside her Chae closed your mouth with her hand. “No baby, you need to hold it in”, Your eyes give her a protesting glare as Chae continues riding you. “I know it's your first time, baby, but I need you to be strong”, She loves seeing your panicked face thinking that you are having a hard time holding it in, but then you open your mouth. “It's not my first time”, Her waist sits on you as she stops moving, her eyes clearly filled with hatred.

“My baby, my innocent baby boy was corrupted by that WHORE?” Chae wanted to scream at you, to slap you for allowing yourself to get used by some whore. “Haaaaa, that bitch, I won't let her get close to you ever again”, But then she continued moving again, “Chae?” You on the other hand are struggling to hold your ejaculation, god knows what she's gonna do if you fail to follow her commands. “I guess it would be selfish for me if I wanted you to stay virgin. But that's okay right babe? Even if it's not our first time, what matters is that from now on we will only do this with each other”, Chae finds her rhythm back, riding you aggressively. Slowly the feelings turns into torture for you, “Chae I really need to-, Fuck”, Everytime you begged her she would just bite your chest, “You can hold om just a little more right babe? I want to finish with you so wait for me a little more baby”, Chae gives you a cute pouting expression, completely contrasting how her lower body is riding you like an animal. 

“Fuck Chae, please?” You whined again, this time you lost control of your face making it contort into a pathetic pleading expression. “Haaaaa, you look so cute like that”, Of course this whole thing is about the power play with Chae. She loves seeing you struggle and suffer just so you can please her. “Chae please?” you whined, “Call me babe”, Chae feels her orgasm is building up as well. “Babe, let me cum please?” Oh yeah, she's awakening a new kink right now, “Tell me you love me”, She whispered in your ears. “I love you babe”, You can feel Chae start shaking, “Tell me you'll leave that whore for me”, Last change bucko, will your rational mind return? “I will leave her for you babe, I love you”, Guess not.

“Haaaaa, then cum baby, cum inside me. Fill me up with your love please”, Hearing your total submission sends her over the edge. As your cum starts to shoot inside her, Chae kisses you again, desperately biting onto your lips as she's also having her orgasm. Your mind went blank for a moment as it short-circuited. “Haaaaa, haaaaa, haaaaa, welcome back baby, I love you”, Chae kissed your cheeks as the two of you were catching your breath. “Can you, get off me Chae?” She shakes her head, “Call me babe okay? I'm your girlfriend now so I need you to call me your baby from now on”, On top of that she kinda likes having your dick inside her. “Baby, can you get off me?” But of course, being the perfect girlfriend she will do anything to please you.

You tried to stand up when she got off of you but her hand immediately grabbed onto yours. “Where are you going?” Her voice filled with annoyance and a tiny hint of threat. “I need to wash up”, Her smile came back as she stood up with you, “Then let's have a shower together, I'll clean you babe”, She wrapped her arm around yours and pulled you to the bathroom. Once the two of you finished the shower Chae pulled you back to the bathroom and cuddled up with you. Her head rests on top of your shoulder as her finger is drawing around on your chest.

Now, how do you deal with this situation? Would you pick her over Minju? Or would you come clean to Minju that you just cheated on her. Your mind wanders around to the countless times you spend the night with Minju. Her warmth, her smile, her….. love, do they feel the same as what Chaewon is doing to you? Those memories hit you like a truck, alongside it are the guilt that just tearing you apart. Looking down at Chae, you see her smile at you before moving on to caress your hair. It really does feel like a fever dream, having her like this with you. Maybe it was a sign, Chaewon is just a dream and Minju is the reality? 

Your conflicted expression doesn't escape Chae, she knows that you're having second thoughts again. It pisses her off, but she doesn't want to push you too much, after all her ex tends to use a much more delicate approach when she's being, defiant. “Baby, I feel so tired right now. You really did a number on me you know?” She wrapped her arm around you, caressing your cheek and pulling your head closer to hers so she can kiss the other one. It feels wrong, her touch, this all feels so, artificial. You stay quiet, trying to organise your mind. Chae sighed before she cuddled up closer to you, “Let's get some rest baby. You said you just got off the plane this morning right? Get some sleep baby, I'll order us food for later”, Her leg wrapped around your waist. You of course managed to read between the lines, “You are not leaving here”

“Meow”, Luna? Where did that little shit throughout all this? “Come here Luna”, Chae said, Luna jumps up onto your bed and comfortably snuggles into Chaewon's torso. Huh, that's weird, is this an omen? Chae looks at your bewildered face and starts letting Luna, “I told you I'll make her enjoy my cuddles” And I'll do the same to you, babe.

[btsgotjams27]

things you don't know | jjk

summary: it’s been seven years since you last saw the boy that broke your heart. after moving back home, you try everything you can to avoid seeing him around town, but destiny has a wicked way of doing the opposite.

✨ title: things you don't know | one shot ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: M/17+ ✨ genre/au: angst | ex best friends!au | ✨ word count: 4.3k ✨ warnings: language, drinking, light kisses, miscommunication, reader jokes about unaliving her other best friend, mentions of throwing up ✨ prompt: “i thought i’d never see you again” ✨ a/n: heyoooo. so this is loosely based off a friendship i had in high school and in case you're wondering (irl) i haven't seen this man in over 17 years (oh gawd i'm old). anyway, thank you to @shina913 for being my beta.

✨ mini-series masterlist ✨

You were a fool to believe nothing could tear you and your best friend apart. Just like in the movies you'd watch for hours, you realized you were not the main character; he was. You were only part of the supporting cast, the best friend–not the one he wanted. Someone else had been occupying his mind, his thoughts, and you guessed you weren't privy to know all of him.

You wondered if you became the villain in his story. Were you the other woman? How could you have known if he never told you? He was your best friend. The one you shared everything with–your hopes, dreams, and even the dumbest little details of your life.

And maybe you expected too much. Maybe you had built a world of sunshine and rainbows and believed no storms could ever weather through. Maybe you cared too much, thinking he felt the same.

But at long last, you had become the girl jealous of Josie–the person who took away your best friend.

The city you lived in had grown vastly the last time you were here. Multiple lanes were added to the highways, and fields of land were cleared out for new homes, shops, and restaurants to try. Though the only thing on your mind was not bumping into him.

His was the only face you didn't want to run into in a city that felt familiar and unfamiliar. It felt silly. You're a grown woman with a car and an apartment–had bills to pay, and running into one person shouldn't haunt you as it did.

You might have done some detective work, going through old high school friends lists on Facebook and Instagram, lurking to see if he would show up. But as you suspected, he didn't exist on social media, so your chances of seeing him increased in your weird little mind.

The old hangout places were on your no-go list. Remember, you're trying to avoid him. He has not been on your mind every waking second, minute and hour. You weren't wondering how he was doing or if he was okay. He didn't deserve to occupy your mind, take all your energy.

But if you were to bump into him, you had a monologue ready to tell him how he had fucked up your mind, spiked all your insecurities, and hoped he and his stupid little girlfriend lived unhappily ever after. He deserved that, at least.

"Did you see Lillie's Instagram post? The one where a bunch of them were out celebrating Josie's birthday?" Lana asked, sipping on her iced vanilla latte. Lana was another high school best friend who didn't stomp all over your heart.

And regarding Lillie's post, it was hard not to see it when everyone you knew was tagged. Some things never change, you guessed. The same circle of friends, the same drama, the same gossip, but then again, you were sitting with one of your oldest friends.

"Yeah, I saw it."

And you also noticed how Jungkook wasn't in any photos. After doing your detective research and scouring through the internet. He was a ghost, not even showing up in tagged photos. You were hoping to get a glimpse of him in the background, but you hadn't seen a picture of him in years, so you had no idea if he had grown into that big 'ol nose of his or if he had gotten those piercings and tattoos he's always wanted. There was no trace of this man, not even in Josie's pictures.

Last you heard, they were still together, and you always rolled your eyes hard, remembering what Jeon Jungkook did to you. Didn't even have the fucking balls to say it to your face, but in a letter instead.

You suspected it was all Josie's fault. Probably afraid you'd steal him away, or he'd prefer to hang out with you. And you understood, he wasn't your boyfriend or anything, just a friend. Ex-best friend, that is. So you supposed any girl that did like Jungkook would be intimidated by your friendship.

"Have you seen Jungkook at all?"

Lana knew what went down–dropping you like a fly, like you didn't exist. She had teased you like a madwoman because you were crushing hard on his friend, Jimin, and somehow ended up befriending Jungkook.

"Nope," you said flatly.

"So, you know how we always talk about Jungkook being untraceable? I think I found him," she said, pulling out her phone.

Your jaw clenched before huffing out a breath. Lana liked to poke the bear when it came to Jungkook. You knew it wasn't intentional, and there was a part that held onto those painful memories because you weren't over what he did to you. Countless nights of questions and if you could've done anything to save your friendship. Wondering what you did wrong and why he picked Josie instead of you. You thought he had feelings and just didn’t want to act on it.

Lana slid the phone over, her two fingers zooming in on a brightened photo. "It's definitely Jungkook," she pointed to a figure in the background.

You narrowed your eyes as she moved the photo around. Your heart skipped a beat. You'd recognize that nose anywhere. It was him. He wasn't a ghost. There was actual evidence that he existed.

"I searched for more photos, but nothing else came up."

You chuckled. "Of course not. Jeon Jungkook doesn't exist on social media. It was never his thing anyway. It was always Josie who liked the attention."

"As a couple, they make no sense to me. What does he see in her anyway?" Lana pondered, sucking up the last of her latte.

Josie was popular and pretty and did every extracurricular activity known to man. Jungkook was quite the opposite: introverted, kept to himself, played games day and night, yet somehow they still ended up together.

"I don't know. Maybe she has a great personality or something," you answered.

She had everything and could’ve had anyone in the senior class, and something always bothered you about their relationship. You just couldn’t put your finger on it.

Lana could see your despair and decided to change the subject. "What are you doing tonight? Jimin is having a small party and was super excited when I told him you moved back."

You narrowed your eyes, your lips thinned. "What are we? In high school again?"

"Come on, babe. It'll be just like old times. I'll even pick you up. I know you hate driving."

It's only been a week since you've moved back. You didn't even know where all of your cute clothes were. "I have nothing to wear." It was the best excuse you could come up with at the moment.

"I got you. Don't worry about it!"

Fuck—you should've opted for a different excuse.

"I thought you said this was a small party," you said, wearing a dress that was barely covering your ass. You'd get Lana back for putting you in the tightest dress.

"Trust me, this is small." Lana hooked her arm with yours, dragging you to the kitchen, where Jimin poured several soju bottles and sodas into a pitcher. It was quite the concoction.

“How can he afford this place?” you whispered as you stared at the fancy marbled island and large commercial refrigerator.

Lana shrugged. “I don’t think he lives by himself. Probably has roommates or something.”

"Ladies! You're here!" Jimin squealed, setting down the soju bottle. He hugged Lana before greeting you warmly. "Oh—it's so good to see you!" He wrapped his arms around you, moving you from side to side, digging his chin into your shoulder.

"It's good to see you too, Jimin. You're, um, still quite the host." His parties were all the rage in high school, and now that you look back, you're unsure what you saw in Jimin. He was a good guy, a great dancer, but he partied too much for your taste. Maybe you were shallow and just liked him for his looks.

"I have a reputation to uphold." He wiggled his eyebrows, handing you a shot glass. "I call this little drink 'Soju Sunrise.'" He held his glass, waiting for you to clink it against his.

"Here goes nothing." The glasses clack together, and the mixed liquids go down your throat as smooth as silk. Surprisingly, the cocktail is rather tasty, and you hold out your glass for another round.

"Yes! That's my girl!"

After multiple rounds of Jimin's Soju Sunrise, your body loosened up along with your tongue, being quite the chatterbox to everyone hanging around. The alcohol coursing through your veins made catching up with old friends less dull. Though you wish you could've had a sign plastered to you stating your job, why you were back, and what you've been up to. It would've made your life simpler.

As you exited the bathroom, Lana immediately pulled you into an empty bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"What the fuck, Lana?"

"He's here!" she exclaimed out of breath.

"Who?" Confusion sets on your face.

“He-who-must-not-be-named!”

"Voldemort?" You raised a brow, pouting your lips together.

She struck your head. You scowled, rubbing the spot. Still confused, you think back to the crowded room.

A lightbulb finally goes off. You blame the Soju Sunrise for making you an airhead. "You've got to be kidding me."

"She's here too."

Oh, how you'd rather be clawing your eyes out right now. It would hurt less than facing Jungkook and Josie after all these years.

You had your little monologue prepared and ready to go, but you didn't think you'd have to recite it. Did you even remember what you wanted to say?

You looked around the room and sprinted when you saw a window. Your hands fumbled with the lock, but it was too hard to open.

"What are you doing?" Lana asked, her eyebrows knitted together, watching you struggle.

"I'm gonna climb out the window." It was the only sensible thing to do.

"You're so fucking dramatic."

"It's the only way to avoid them."

Lana grabbed your arms and made you look at her. "You are a grown-ass woman. Put on your big girl panties and walk out that door with your head held high."

"But I don't wanna," you pout. "And I'm wearing granny panties." You lowered your head, staring at your dress, picturing the blush-colored panties with a little bow on the front.

"Granny panties with this dress?"

"What? I couldn't find other ones and I like full coverage." Curse you for not unpacking like you should've been doing.

"Would've been better if you went commando."

"Lana! I have some dignity."

"Do you, though? You won't even leave this room and face the one person who broke your heart."

"Thanks, Lana," you said flatly.

"You're welcome!" she smiled, shaking your body. "Come on. You can do this. I believe in you." You rolled your eyes, staring blankly at her. She scanned you from head to toe, then back up to your chest. "Sweetie, we gotta make sure your tits are stunning." She dragged down the top of the dress, ensuring the swells of your breasts were peeking through.

"Lana, I'm not trying to seduce the guy." Okay—maybe you developed a crush on him, but it's not like you were going to make a move, he had a girlfriend for fuck’s sake.

"Yeah, who cares? We're trying to make Josie jealous."

"This is so high school," you comment, digging through your purse for your lipstick.

"Your point is?" Lana blinked.

You huffed. Okay—fine. If this were the only time you'd see Jeon Jungkook and Kim Josie, then fuck it. You could pretend everything was great for five minutes. Your hand went underneath your dress, tugging off your granny panties and tossing them on the ground.

"Holy shit—going commando too?" Lana squealed and clapped excitedly.

Hiking your dress up just a smidge, you were ready to smile and lie through whatever this dreaded conversation would bring up, probably old feelings of hurt and regret.

You hooked your arm through Lana's, with your shoulders back and head held high. This was it. After all this time, you would face the son-of-a-bitch who broke your heart and the cruel witch who took him away.

You had class—at least, you hoped you did. So, you'd play it cool, be calm and collected. Pretend like you had your shit together.

That is until you turned the corner and immediately spotted them snuggled up in the corner. Josie looked like a lovesick puppy all over him. Jungkook, not so much.

You clutched Lana's arm tighter and came to a halt. You repeated your short monologue in your brain from the bedroom to the living room, but it was as if your mind had wiped everything and your brain's connectors were short-circuiting.

Your eyes glistened as you watched the two. Josie sat on his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, kissing him. Your lower lip quivered, and your stomach sank. You weren't sure if you needed to hurl because of them or because of the soju. Perhaps both.

Jungkook pulled away from her grasp, seemingly annoyed by her show of affection. As soon as he turned away from her, his eyes landed on you.

You flashed a small smile and a wave of your hand. Who knew seeing Jungkook would make you feel the complete opposite of the narrative you had created? In your head, he was a heartless best friend who left you for a wicked witch, but here he was in the flesh and was just that big-nosed, doe-eyed boy whom you shared everything with. You missed him so much and wanted to catch up on life like no time had passed.

Lana turned to you. "Hey, what happened to the bad bitch persona? Aren't you gonna tell him off?"

"I'm so stupid, Lana. I can't do this." So much anger had been building up within the last seven years, but underneath that anger was just a girl who was heartbroken.

Lana nudged you in the ribs. You two watched as he pushed Josie off his lap, causing her to frown. You attempted to let go, but she pulled you in as Jungkook beelined toward you.

"Oh, my god! Jeon Jungkook in the flesh?" Lana said in a dramatic tone. "You do exist! I can't believe it. Well, I'm going to find myself another drink! Have fun catching up with your bestie!" She punched Jungkook's shoulder hard, and he scowled and flinched, massaging the spot.

You pressed your lips together, unsure what to say to him. It's been seven years since you last saw him. Once you graduated from high school, you were out of each other's hair. You were off to college a few hours away, and he stayed in town to attend a local university.

Jungkook cut off all forms of communication. It was like your friendship ceased to exist, which hurt you the most. The last thing you received from him was a measly little letter explaining that he was with Josie and that she didn't want you coming in between their relationship.

You couldn't understand why Jungkook couldn't just talk to you. Josie was never mentioned in conversations, nor did you see him with her, so it felt out of left field. If Jungkook told you he liked someone, you'd never stand in the way of his happiness. You thought he knew you better than that, but maybe you were wrong. Maybe you didn't know each other at all.

"I thought I'd never see you again," Jungkook said, the corners of his mouth curving into a warm smile.

You only paid attention to the glow-up Jungkook had. He did get the lip piercings he wanted, along with the tattoos. You could see them peeking through underneath his gray hoodie hanging off his shoulder. The white tank top defined his taut chest, letting you know he liked to work out. His damp hair curled in all the right places against the nape of his neck and his forehead. The silver chain adorning his neck looked pretty enough to tug on.

"You look great, by the way," Jungkook added, breaking you out of your daze.

"Oh, thanks. So do you." You manage to squeak out finally; then you remember how provocative you looked in your dress compared to sweet, innocent, looking Josie in her pink floral sundress, who was making their way toward you.

"Jungkook, can we please get a drink?" Josie whined, giving you the once over before latching onto Jungkook like the leech she was.

"You remember—"

Josie interrupted, "Yeah–don't remind me. Can we go?"

Josie stormed off toward the kitchen, leaving you and Jungkook behind. Did he have any say in their relationship, or did she tug him around like a puppy on a short leash?

You're stunned but not surprised by her remark. Once a bitch, always a bitch.

Turning your attention back to him, you realize you have nothing to say. The scars from this friendship were carved deeply into your heart; not even the monologue you rehearsed could dissipate the pain he caused.

"I—I gotta go," you said, taking off toward the bedroom because you couldn't fucking leave your underwear on a random stranger's floor. You had to save whatever dignity you had left.

"Wait—" He tried to grab your attention and followed you, walking through the hallway toward a room. He watched you go from one end of the room to the other, searching for something. "What are you doing in my room?"

You straighten your posture, slowly turning to him. "This is your room?"

"Yeah, Jimin and I share this place along with another friend.”

Oh, now you were going to fucking kill Lana. She knew. She must have! That's why she wanted to bring you here. And out of all the rooms, you had to pick Jeon Jungkook’s to leave your underwear in?

"Great," you said in exasperation. You turned back around in search of your panties. "Where the fuck is it?" It could only be in so many places.

"Where's what?"

You got down on your hands and knees, tugging your dress down, looking underneath the bed for your granny panties. "Nothing," you grumbled. "Fuck it. Forget it." You stood, walking past Jungkook. He could have your underwear as a keepsake, you suppose.

"Hey—" He gripped your arm. "Come on. This is how you greet me after all this time?"

You scoffed, glaring at him. "You're fucking kidding me, right? You're lucky I'm even speaking to you. You don't even deserve that."

He lets go of your arm. "We kind of ended on a sour note, but it wasn't my fault."

He couldn't see it, but smoke was fuming from your ears, and you wished your death glare could burn through him and maybe even through Josie. How fucking dare he put all the blame on you? And for what exactly? You might add that you did nothing but be his friend, and he ghosted you like you meant nothing to him.

"So it's my fault?" You assumed he was placing the blame on you. "How is it my fault? Please enlighten me, Jungkook."

He quieted down, cowering his head.

"You showed up holding hands with Josie, then proceeded to not talk to me like a human being and instead wrote me a fucking letter like the coward you are. A letter, for fucks sake. You could've had the common decency to say it to my face."

You walked out of language class, and there they were, hand in hand as you idly watched from behind. And he didn’t even hand you the letter. He had stuffed it in your locker.

Your words took him aback. His recount of how everything went down was different from yours. "I'm sorry," he said. His eyes flicked to yours before looking away.

"Well, it's too fucking late for apologies."

Jungkook called out to you, and you didn't look back, storming away from him. You passed by Lana, telling her you were leaving and that you'd talk to her later.

You ran out the front door, stopping at the sidewalk's edge, remembering that Lana drove. "Fuck," you grumbled, pulling out your phone to grab an Uber.

You were stupid to think Jeon Jungkook wouldn't affect you after all these years. Maybe it's because you haven't dealt with feeling abandoned by him. Maybe you wished you did more for your friendship. Whatever the reason, you knew moving back wasn't a good idea because you’d have to deal with this.

"Hey!" Jungkook called out. You looked over your shoulder and continued walking. He ran in front of you to grab your attention. "Can you talk to me?" he asked, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

"Why don't you fucking write me a letter? Since you're so good at that," you mocked as you shuffled around him. He was a shitty writer who could barely pass Creative Writing without your help.

"That's not fair."

You scoffed, stopping in your tracks to turn back to him. "Run back to your little girlfriend. Don’t you have to get her approval first before talking to me?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

You tut. "Yeah–okay." That was hard to believe, considering she was all over him.

"She's not. We haven't been together for a while now," Jungkook explained.

"You looked pretty cozy earlier."

Jungkook looks at the ground, kicking around an invisible rock. "It's complicated."

"That's great, Jungkook, but I really don't want to hear about your relationship problems. Good luck with Josie and in life. You two deserve each other." You pulled out your phone to see if the Uber was arriving.

Crossing your arms, you walked back toward Jimin's place. You wish you pinned the pick-up location somewhere else, but you'd have to endure his presence longer.

Jungkook followed, giving you some space, stopping when you did. His eyes raked over you. His dimple appeared and disappeared as he licked his lips and chewed on the inside of his cheek.

"When you got your acceptance letter to college, and you decided you were leaving, you didn't bother to ask about what I thought," he said, hands still in his pocket, staring at the ground. Your eyes flickered to him before looking away. He softly chuckled, "I thought to myself, what would I do without my best friend? I had nothing going for me, didn't even know what I wanted to do—still don't know what I want to do. And as much as you make me out to be the bad guy in your story, there are a lot of things you don't know."

You turned away from him as your eyes began to well up. You didn't want to cry before him, rehashing things from so long ago. You let out a shaky breath, trying to contain your emotions.

"Why didn't you say anything?" you asked, using the back of your hand to wipe away the snot threatening to fall.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I would never want to keep you from something that made you happy," he admitted.

You were always open with each other, so you're unsure why this one thing made it seem like he couldn't be honest with you.

"Tell me one thing."

Jungkook hummed.

"Why didn't you tell me about Josie?" It was the one question that lingered since you received his letter.

His lips thinned. "Honestly?" You nodded. "It all happened so quickly. Jimin was throwing a party that night when you told me about going off to college, and I was in my head, overthinking everything. And Josie was there, being sweet and comforting me, and I don't know what came over me. I just kissed her to make myself feel better. Then, the next day at school, she took my hand and told everyone we were together."

"So, let me get this straight? I told you I'm going off to college. You get upset, kiss Josie because you were mad about me leaving, and then end up in a relationship with her?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous."

You turned to him, hitting him across the chest several times. He held his hands up to block you. "Because Jeon Jungkook, it is ridiculous! God–you're such—a—" you groaned. "Do you know how much you hurt me? We could've avoided all this if you had just talked to me. Life could've been different for us. You could've come with me, and then we could've been together."

"Together?" He stared at you with his starry brown eyes.

"Yes, you dummy! I liked you, if you couldn't tell. I was going to tell you, but then you and Josie happened, and well, you know how the rest of the story goes."

You closed your eyes and let out a long-awaited breath. It felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders, getting all this out in the open. You weren't expecting Jungkook to do anything to make you feel better, but at least he could hear what you wanted to say after all these years.

Your uber pulled up and you opened the door, holding onto it as you looked at Jungkook. A glimpse of the boy you once knew still lingered in his eyes. If you could go back and do it all over again, you would've fought harder for him, fought for what the two of you had. It was too precious of a friendship to let go just like that. Unfortunately, life didn't work that way.

There were no forms of time travel or alternate dimensions where the two of you could've lived happily ever after, and there were only the choices you made here and now.

"Bye, Jungkook."

✨ read part two | read part three ✨