#but man as a cis lesbian im just annoyed by gender jokes

[enby-opera]

My hcs for the misfits (minus love trio they’re on this post)

Thank you @downtherabbitholethatisanime for asking for my hcs these were so fun 🥺👉👈

Allocer: Omnisexual. He’s also going to explain in detail about the differences between omni, poly, pan, and bi followed by a philosophical conversation about different types of attraction and gender expression vs gender identity.

Sabnock: AroAce or just- he’ll think about that after he’s the demon king! He’s focused on his goal rn

Agares: Gay mlm. Girls ask him out lot tho and he’s just annoyed “IM GAY”

Gaap: Pansexual. He’s wholesome and full of love for everyone. I’m totally being biased rn but almost every pan person I’ve met has been the living embodiment of sunshine and super friendly and just- gaap vibes

Jazz: Bisexual flirt. Sometimes unclear if he’s messing around or seriously flirting. Makes jokes about stealing hearts

Lead (Lied???): Bisexual gamer boyfriend

Caim: Straight Ally. Especially after training with Mr. Hat cause a true gentleman respect and supports queer rights. Also when he says he only likes women he means ALL women regardless of if she’s cis or trans

Purson: Queer. He hasn’t interacted with people enough to know exactly what he likes but he’s figuring it out! He has those “he’s so cool I wanna be like him” thought which in a few years at like 3am he’ll realize that that was a crush and thinking about every interaction he had

Elizabetta: Biromantic Demisexual. She’s spent so long thinking about the man she’s going to marry she never considered that women are an option too.

Kerori: Lesbian. She thinks girls are just so cute!!! Also *gestures to Gyari and akudol arc in general* She does think that male akudol’s are cool tho and knows when a guy is good looking but she not into them

[metapoetix]

woahhhh ocs.. the gordons are siblings right? what’s their relationship like/whst r they like? also uh. c. can i ask what’s up with the Burning Man

YES. ok bulletpoints time. this is going to be long as always sorryyy

kit and jasper are twin siblings

kit is a butch lesbian and jasper is one of those guys who has lots of homoerotic friendships and isnt bound by toxic masculinity but isnt openly queer. he is pan i think but he doesnt know :-)

the two of them are completely and utterly inseperable. this is important. they do everything together like they even crush on the same girls.

theyre hugely charismatic, very extroverted, really hot and live in a glamorous house with a glamorous mother (elsie gordon. shes hot. they have an interesting relationship with her. especially kit because what butch doesnt have a weird relationship with their mother. not talking from experience here or anything Haha). as a result theyre widely known and widely admired or liked

but yeah their dynamic is like. they tell each other everything. they bounce off each other. they have the same friend group and share all their inside jokes. they flirt with the same people. theyre funniest when theyre together. theyre most annoying when theyre together. theyre always competing in sports in school in life.

the only real source of tension in their relationship is gender & specifically masculinity. which is one of the most important themes of this wip. kit is a butch lesbian and jasper is a cis guy and while theyre almost identical in personality kit has this repressed envy of jasper and jasper just. doesnt quite get that kit is different? because shes kit. shes his twin shes as clever and as sporty and as charismatic and as boyish as he is. he doesnt get that masculinity others her and that she has had to fight for masculinity whereas neither of those things apply for him. and also kit is jealous of the way he can relax and not worry about his masculinity whereas she always has to. yeah

^ the silliessssss (kit is the smug one here for once)

the Burning Man 👁️👁️

the Burning Man is basically the central motif of the story

long before the events of this wip & when the twins were barely toddlers a gardener fell madly in love with their mother elsie (young, beautiful, clever, single, rich)

they had been friendly before but when elsie rejected him he changed drastically. various things happen. the whole situation culminates in him setting himself on fire and burning to death on her front lawn in full view of her, her children and her extended family who had come to visit

the wip is set about 13 years after this. elsie kit and jasper are living peacefully in that same house. kit and jasper have no memory of this incident. elsie is DEFINITELY not traumatised what do you meannnnn she barely thinks about it!!!!!

but they arent going to be peaceful for long :-) a vision starts to appear to the three gordons – first just a faint flame, then a burning man stalking the town, then the smell and the heat too, threatening to destroy everything familiar and safe :-))

fire is a very multi-faceted image: it can represent warmth, love, desire, destruction, hatred, danger, rebirth etc and it means ALL of those things in this wip at different points but im especially exploring the demolition of social structures/renewal as two sides of the same coin. and love & desire <3

[zhongscara]

for the ask game ("send me a character and i'll do this"): what about diluc and uhh jean

diluc

Sexuality Headcanon: bi with male pref and terribly repressed about it Gender Headcanon: sometimes he's a cis guy sometimes he's a trans guy he contains multitudes!!! he is a forlorn vengeful maiden witch in a mans body!!! idk!!! A ship I have with said character: chiluc... enemies to lovers who want to kill each other but the sex is too good yeah. they've got some crazy under negotiated bdsm going on. A BROTP I have with said character: i dont think diluc has close friends A NOTP I have with said character: i actually dont ship diluc much outside of some dabbling into chiluc so i dont really have a NOTP (i personally use NOTP to mean a ship that annoys me and not like. idk ships im uncomfortable for reasons like incest etc) A random headcanon: ik a lot of people hc him with a stockier build and theyre so real for that but i personally think hes built like a victorian heir with a mysterious illness who needs to be in the gardens and he carries his claymore by sheer will General Opinion over said character: diluc is my fave between the ragbros #notlikeothergirls... i love pathetic sopping wet kitten angsty batman types who repress trauma and blame themselves for shit and have terrible coping mechanisms that make them very unfriendly

jean

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian who had a comphet era where she thought she had to have a crush on diluc. (diluc thought she was just being nice he was very much a weird kid) Gender Headcanon: prooobably nonbinary or genderqueer, she considers herself a woman but also considers womanhood as a performance she has to put on, but doesn't really feel uncomfortable with that. she also doesn't label herself so there's that. A ship I have with said character: rarepair moment but i think jean/eula would be interesting! jean wants eula to let her walls down bc she herself thinks eula is a wonderful person with a heart of gold but eula is too stubborn/doubtful of her family name to see that! A BROTP I have with said character: kaeya once joked she was his sister from another mister and jean nearly teared up from happiness and kaeya was like ?! DONT CRY A NOTP I have with said character: nothing really worth mentioning LOL A random headcanon: she likes spicy food. if it was modern au genshin jean would fuck up one of those insane spicy cheese korean instant noodles like it was nothing! go white girl go! General Opinion over said character: i enjoy her but i forget her bc i dont think about mond a lot oops

[entropic-introspection]

Thing that happened in Overwatch the other day. Joined a group to do some competitive, say hi, get hit with the ol’ gem of “Oh shit is that a gamer girl?”

My response is “Oh shit, is this a group of gamer guys? Fuck dude, that’s crazy.”

Get mostly laughs, but one guy challenges it with “How do you know we all identify as guys?”

So I’m pulling a very bitchy face rn bc god these jokes are tired, but at least this group isn’t being totally shitty right off the bat. So I give my usual response to that shit “Tell me your preferred pronouns and I’ll use them.”

They hesitated for a second, and then spells out, “X-e-e and x-e-r”

“Xee and xer?” I confirm, “Awesome. I’ll keep it in mind.”

And that’s how I got to play with a chill tank main who’s non binary. Solid respect to xem bc xey have to deal with probs way more shit than I do.

[trans-zhongli]

imma drop my genshin HCs and no one can stop me here it goes:

aether (traveler):

- trans guy, identical twins with lumine b4 hormones, pan

- appears 18 yrs old

- i ship him with everyone (playersexual) but he and xiao are bfs :)

lumine (abyss twin):

- cis, pan

- exes with dainsleif (as the MC i ship her with ayaka)

- appears 18 yrs old, the older twin

childe:

- bi, cis

- has freckles

- engaged to zhongli

XINYAN & CHILDE FRIENDSHIP RIGHTS

- 21 yrs old

- area man loses virginity to geo dragon god

zhongli:

- pan, genderfluid

- was married to guizhong (he didn't actually know what marriage was at the time he just knew it was a mortal thing with love and shit and guizhong was very happy that he was participating in mortal culture), now engaged to childe

- appears 27

- exuvia is his true form, he can have half dragon features bcuz im a slut for dragons & zhongli with a dragon tail is fucking adorable. in any form, those white diamond-shaped pupils he has are slit pupils like a lizard

- god he and childe are so fucking horny 24/7 and their oblivious sexually-charged slow burn killed the brain cells of 90% of liyue harbor

skirk (yeah i have skirk headcanons):

- appears 19. if she were a playable character she would use the medium female model

- not decided on sexuality/gender bcuz she hasn't actually been in the game yet but i wanna say ace nb lesbian

- originally from khaenri'ah, avoided curse by being in the abyss, she does not give a shit about the abyss order and wants nothing to do with them

- i don't ship her with anyone, but childe was her only "friend" in the abyss and she regrets ever letting him leave

kaeya:

- nb he/they, pan

- dating albedo :)

- 23 yrs old

yanfei:

- appears 20 yrs old

- trans lesbian

- married hu tao after they dated for only 3 weeks. neither of them regrets it. she made hu tao sign a prenup

- madam ping is basically her grandmother. i know that's canon, but still

- she talks too much and a lot of people think she's annoying. has a mischievous side

xiao:

- has never concerned himself with sexuality or gender labels. he is what he is

- dating aether but it was a very long slow burn

- will actually eat anything cooked by aether

- appears 20 yrs old

ei:

- thinks it's funny to pretend to be the raiden shogun sometimes, but everyone sees right through it

- appears 28 yrs old

- she and miko have been girlfriends for a very very very long time

- cis lesbian

miko:

- cis lesbian

- hopelessly tenderly in love with ei, which she masks behind 50 layers of irony

- appears 29 yrs old

- she jokes about scaramouche being her step-son. gets along really well with venti.

diluc:

- cis, gay

- there's no label for what he and venti have but it's definitely romantic. he's hopelessly in love and hates it. he never actually makes venti pay his tab and pretends he doesn't notice venti stealing from the dawn winery. LOW-KEY his sugar daddy but neither of them realize that's what's going on

- 25 yrs old

venti:

- appears 18 yrs old

- nb gay, he/him

- kind of oblivious to his own relationship with diluc but it doesn't stop him from being a flirty bastard to him

- besties with kaeya, was once besties with guizhong, he and zhongli are "friends" but it's the kind of friendship where venti is constantly on the verge of having a mountain thrown at him (but zhongli secretly appreciates his company, when he isn't doing things that deserve a mountain punishment)

hu tao:

- cis lesbian

- married to yanfei, spent 2 months before they met running away from her every time yanfei tried to approach because she was intimidated by how gorgeous yanfei is. the Liyue Besties had to literally tie her to a chair to get her to meet yanfei and stop pining

- figures out zhongli is an adeptus IMMEDIATELY. hired him because she thought he was hilarious, the fact that he's good at his job is a coincidence

- 19 yrs old

[fictropes]

i totally agree with your replies to anons. yesterday i saw something about how “90% of the phandom are lesbians so dan was explaining what a dick was for them” and it really rubbed me the wrong way(for context im a cis lesbian but it the rhetoric pisses me off). The phandom isnt “90% lesbian”. maybe theres a larger percentage of wlw than in other queer communities, but wlw doesnt equal lesbian and being a lesbian doesnt equal hating/not knowing what dick is. By assuming everyone here is a woman, people often misgender transpeople or are blatantly transphobic. (eg penis doesnt equal man)

i used to be guilty of making the “phannies are lesbians<3” jokes years ago when i first discovered I was a lesbian and liked dnp. but once I realised how alienating it is to all other identities I stopped and now actively say something when people imply all people who like dnp are cislesbians. Anyways sorry rant over, i hope you have a good day <3

Thanku! This is exactly what I was trying to convey but words? What are they. God I hate the whole gold star lesbian thing like do I need to have my lesbian card revoked cos I’ve had sex with someone with a dick? Dhwjdhwjjsjw it reallllllyy is annoying and it’s alienating all on its own.

But yes!!!!!! At this point enough people have said hey! Don’t really like this it makes me feel bad and excluded In a community I really love so... maybe pay attention to those people? And god yeah the asks where a gender is popped in for literally no reason and it’s alwaaaays something like she or ma’am or whatever because people just definitely assume. And that’s why it’s bad now, because it’s not longer a joke that you’re a lesbian in the phandom it’s almost become an assumption that you are? Like oh no pronouns or whatever in your bio ... then I’ll immediately place you in the cis lesbian cat when really you should be falling into using ‘they/them’ idk it just isnt fun to see people feeling erased by something that might’ve started as a ‘joke’ but definitely has become something else

[juleshellstrom]

( erika linder , she/they/he , nonbinary , lesbian ) ━━ Is that THE ICARIAN ? No , that’s just JULES HELLSTROM. Urban legend has it that they were born on OCTOBER , 16TH , 1993 , work as a WILDLIFE OFFICER , and have been living in Gaitlin for 3 YEARS. They might like to think they’re brave , but their biggest fear is BEING UNABLE TO DEFEND THEMSELF. Be careful , you might not make it to halloween. ( ooc info: lauren , 23 , she/they/he  )

one thing: is im very slow and have a disability and it’s rly hard for me to keep up with and concentrate on really long stuff, so keeping interactions just a bit on the shorter side will get our characters much farther with me lmao.

you can find her pinterest HERE, and her playlist HERE.

BASICS; BRIEF ABOUT/FAMILY/SMALL DETAILS

Honestly she might stab someone (if they actually somehow know her name somehow) if they call her Juliet instead of Jules.

She isn’t religious and has honestly never thought about it.

She has a twin brother and he’s honestly like… too much for her to deal with lol. The only man she will ever accept or love. She loves him, but she will most definitely hit his ass when he’s annoying her. lskjdflskjdf

She doesn’t have a close relationship with her parents. There wasn’t really anything wrong with her upbringing (wow, me? making someone’s childhood average?) but they were never like close in the slightest. Her parents didn’t really want to be together, they only were for her and her brother, and the tenseness just radiated constantly. It wasn’t awful, but it obviously wasn’t ideal and even as a kid she’d much rather be playing with bugs in the backyard than hanging out inside. Once they’d grown up, her parents split. She has a more easy going relationship with them now, but she doesn’t feel the need to call.

She has a few tattoos here and there, for sure, but I haven’t picked them out yet.

She has two cats, and a snake. She doesn’t have a dog of her own, because she fosters them instead!

RELATIONSHIPS/SEXUALITY

TLDR below. Her gender is very difficult. It’s a very common lesbian experience to be caught in this weird gender limbo. Not truly cis, but not really trans either. ((((Lesbians in my support groups all joke, “No gender, just d*ke” slkdflskdjf)))) So many of us connect to being a woman and womanhood only through our love for other women. It’s very interesting and very complex, and very hard to explain to someone who doesn’t experience it. But yeah!!!

Butch energy.

TLDR: Jules is (def soft butch) lesbian, and her gender is in a limbo of trans nonbinary.

On that… god, she loves women. Like, how can you not? They are soft, and all of them are complex, and gorgeous in so many ways. 

So, Jules is definitely a stereotypical lesbiab in that she lowkey falls in love (in some way, and not necessarily romantically, just such a deep appreciation) w every lady she meets because, uh? Women? Magical, stunning, brave, phenomenal, spectacular, showstopping.

Because of this, Jules has a very hard time being in relationships. She doesn’t have like issues with it, and isn’t like completely afraid of commitment, it’s just kind of how it is. She loves to meet new women, and learn about them, etc. Butttt it’s not out of the question, if she meets someone super special. Artemis did get stuck on Callisto for awhile.

OCCUPATION

She is a wildlife officer, so you can find her around any local parks (protected water and forests, etc) doing her thing.

Making sure people aren’t abusing the nature or the animals, watching for wounded animals, protecting hunters, etc. All kinds of stuff.

She was never really interested in college, just not into it. She’s not really the scholarly type. She could have gone into zoology or something of that nature, and she thought about it, but it ultimately just wasn’t her thing. She’s happy where she’s at.

She loves archery sports, and hunting for ecosystem protection and sustenance.

PERSONALITY

She’s a little hard to work with. She likes to do things her own way. Unlike most kids with siblings, she didn’t enjoy giving way for her brother. But I mean he was also a dumbass (in her humble sisterly opinion lmao) and she never felt the need to bend to his ideas.

Still, she’s super kind and understanding – uhhhhh at least with women, (she kind of >.> dislikes men-kind, always has but it’s only increased as she’s gotten older and more bitter toward ways of the world, and after an assault that isn’t necessary for intro tbh or who she is), but still.

She is so so so so so soft inside lmao. She presents very tough just kind of naturally, but watch a lady smile at her the right way and her heart will melt smh.

She is definitely not a people pleaser. She does not care. Like, at all.

[rontra]

ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and  stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so  i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The  Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is  good, anyway!!!!)  

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

-

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

-

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

[tmitransitioning]

Most people know me as a gay, very butch female. I refer to myself as gay all the time, i feel comfortable saying it, yet I know i have gender dysphoria, ive felt it since i was a child. i wish i had a penis and no breasts, but at the same time i’m attached to my gay identity. im confused and i dont know whats good for me. also i hate being called a lesbain i just like the word gay? this is all so confusing and stupid and im tired of living in limbo about my identity.

I can’t tell you how to identify, but I can tell you that lots of people all across the acronym take on different identity labels throughout their lives, and deciding that something doesn’t fully encapsulate that part of you after all isn’t a bad thing. Everyone I know has gone through multiple labels, including myself; people process them differently, but learning about a new part of yourself doesn’t have to mean that you were “wrong” in the past.

You’re allowed to be attached to calling yourself gay, too. Having personal context with a given label is an okay reason to hold it dear to you. And the reverse is true—you don’t have to identify with any specific label that doesn’t resonate for you, or that you don’t feel comfortable with.

(If it sounds like I’m picking my words carefully it’s because I am; I feel like you deserve some kind of reassurance, but every time we talk about trans identities and anything lesbian-adjacent, people get pretty annoyed, both within trans communities and from the transphobe side of the aisle.)

There’s the fact that you don’t have to stop calling yourself gay in an attracted-to-women context if you decide to start identifying as trans and/or nonbinary. I personally identify as and refer to myself as a lesbian, because I’m nonbinary but feel connected to “woman” internally in a way that I consider to only be mine, and I’m attracted solely to women and people with a similar relationship to “woman” as my own. I also don’t like being called a lesbian by people I don’t know, especially cis people, because I don’t know if they see and respect my gender. I’ve also joked-but-not-really-joked that my gender itself is butch. I don’t give you this example because I want to pressure you to identify as a lesbian—that is completely not my right. But I want to give you a real-life illustration of how the identities of people calling ourselves butch can be complicated that doesn’t come out of Stone Butch Blues. (Which is a great book, but sometimes the temporal setting difference can make it feel less immediate to us..)

You also don’t have to call yourself trans if you’re not comfortable doing so. Some people identify as cis and their assigned genders for their whole lives, but still experience physical dysphoria and want to change things about their bodies, even when they’re aware of and have explored trans identities as options for them. This is something they often face gatekeeping over, because even the most… “modern”, I guess, medical concepts of gender identity think of dysphoria as something inextricably linked to a gender-body mismatch. And for a lot of trans people, probably the vast majority, this is true, and on this blog we usually link the two just because that’s what our audience is largely experiencing. A good example of this in practice IRL is, like, a cis woman getting top surgery because she feels dysphoria about her chest. Or someone who was assigned male at birth and experiences euphoria when dressing in “women’s” clothing, but still IDs as a man and uses the label “crossdresser”. These are both samples of real variety under a broad umbrella of gender expression and identity.

We feel a pressure in many of our communities to treat the actual labels as intrinsic to who we are as people. Some people find validation in this, which is totally okay. It’s something that I personally find kinda tough to deal with, because while I feel that my experiences are certainly intrinsic to me, being strict and narrow with labelling doesn’t always reflect the real diversity of how we experience gender, orientation, and identity. All of this is to say: You’re not hurting anyone, and it’s okay to feel how you feel. It’s really stressful to exist in a middle space where you don’t feel like you have community or a concrete sense of self. But this isn’t a scenario where everyone else has something magically figured out where they all align perfectly with a category and you’re missing the boat. A lot of other people are in middle spaces with you, and whatever you decide to do, there will be people in those spaces with you too.

- Mod Wolf