#but love me some Red calling Mr Kaplan his better half

[ace-of-spaders]

[meetmeatthecoda]

Lately, I've found myself drawn to stories ( and I mean drawn to as in envisioning those stories in my head, thinking them through to the very last detail, not reading, let alone writing them down, because I've long since accepted that they will never turn out quite the same on the paper ) where Red is the one who'd been seriously hurt and, therefore, rendered unconscious for an indefinite amount of time and worried Liz is the one who doesn't leave his side, hoping and praying and pleading that he would wake up. Probably, something that has to do with how unfair it is that we've seen Red keep vigil by hurt!Lizzy's side – playing music for her, holding her hand, reading to her etc. – a number of times and yet, over the course of 8 seasons, never have ever been allowed the pleasure of seeing Liz do the same for him ( not even when he was shot – because she left to retrieve the Fulcrum and couldn't come back until the fight was over – or when he was poisoned – because she'd been waiting to be cleared to see him and he ran away the moment he wasn't actively dying, because that's Red for you all ), even though she loves and cares about him as much as he loves and cares about her.

I mean, just imagine the possibilities!

Liz pacing around the waiting area of Red's mobile hospital while he's in surgery, unable to think about anything else other than how he looked – battered and broken and barely alive – when they've found him and how his head rested in her lap ( she could almost convince herself that he was merely dozing, if he wasn't so deathly pale and still and there wasn't so much blood on his clothes and her clothes and her hands and the backseat of the car ) and his hand was limp in her death grip as they rushed him to his doctors and she whispered words of reassurance and encouragement to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her and how she had to fight the instinct to curl around her lover and snarl at anyone who would come close because she can't let him be hurt further as the medics took him away from her, exchanging observations and orders that didn't sound particularly reassuring. She's also acutely aware of the fact that Red is fighting for his life – there, just a few feet away from her – and, though he's the strongest man she's ever known, he may not win, and so she makes a promise to the empty air in front of her that she will kill him herself if he dares to give up on her and Agnes like that now, when they've just reached the good, right place in their relationship, just confesses their feelings to each other. At some point, Dembe most certainly pulls Liz in for a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder, doing his best to comfort her ( even though there's nothing that can bring her more comfort than Red's hug, when he – alive and whole – wraps his arms protectively around her and holds her close and lets her hide from the whole world in his arms, his chest, his shoulder and neck – wherever she prefers to burrow her face at the time – and the memory itself makes her cry harder, because there's a possibility that he will never hug her like that again ), even though he's just as worried and scared as she is, and Mr Kaplan helps Liz clean up, washing away Red's blood from her hands and producing seemingly out of the thin air fresh clothes for her to change into.

Red, of course, pulls through the surgery, beating all odds, and Liz's heart floods with relief at the good news before sinking when the doctor explains to her and Dembe and Mr Kaplan the extent of Red's injuries and that it's impossible to say when – or even if – he wakes up.

And so the waiting game begins. Liz doesn't leave Red's side, holding his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb and never letting go, constantly talking to him and reading to him and even asking Dembe to bring the record player and some records from the Bethesda apartment to play to him, hoping that it would elicit some kind of response from him. Yet, as they days go by, there's not a single, smallest sign that he's aware of anything that's going on around him, that he's still there somewhere and is trying to find his way back to her, to them – he doesn't stir, doesn't so much as flutter his eyelashes, and Liz grows more desperate with each passing day, even though the doctor assures her that Red's slowly but surely improving ( but she can't see it with her own eyes, and if she can't see it, she's less likely to believe it, the more time passes with him just lying there, undisturbed by the loud, chaotic world around him ).

And then there's Agnes... While Liz keeps vigil at Red's bedside, the babysitting duties are split equally between Aram and Samar, Charlene and Cooper, Ressler and Audrey and Dembe and Mr Kaplan. Yet more often than not whoever picks little Agnes up from school and / or her ballet classes brings her over to the safe-house where Liz and Red are. She doesn't seem to be as unnerved by Red's state as her mommy is, climbing on his bed each time she visits ( after giving her mommy the biggest hug, of course ) and leaning in close to him, examining his face thoughtfully before half-asking, half-stating "He's still tired, mommy?". And Liz usually replies with a hoarse "Yes, baby" because she doesn't trust herself not to get choked up if she tries to answer more eloquently. Agnes simply nods then, satisfied with the explanation why he hasn't woken up yet, and settles against Red's side – mindful of his injuries and the spider web of wires and tubes connecting him to all sorts of monitors and machines – and either naps ( especially, on ballet classes days ) or tells her mommy and Red ( she talks to him just like Liz does much too easily – promising him to show him the new moves she's learnt when he wakes up etc. – as if she's already done that before or seen anyone else do that... unbeknownst to Liz, she did both – when Liz herself was in a coma, Agnes both saw Red talk to her mommy and was encouraged by him to talk to her, too, because it may help her mommy sleep easier and maybe she'll get better sooner and finally wake up ) about her day or does her homework or draws ( more often than not, she draws either cards for Red to read when he wakes up or just things she wants him to see ). And when the time comes for her to leave, she always kisses Red on the cheek, wishing him "sweet dreams" and to get better soon, and then gives her mommy, who tries so very hard not to tear up but fails miserably, a hug and a kiss, too, and tells her frequently that she shouldn't cry because Red is just too tired, just like she – Liz – once was, and that he just needs to sleep a bit more.

And when the door behind Agnes closes and Liz is sure her daughter won't see / hear her, she breaks down hard, in big, ugly sobs, because her little girl shouldn't be acting so naturally in this kind of situation and because she wishes so hard that Red just woke up, because she can't do this, any of this, without him.

In the end, once his body has healed itself enough and he regained enough of his strength, Red, of course, does wake up. It's a slow process, and Liz thinks she might either faint or go mad from the overwhelming feelings that are swirling inside of her when Red moves for the first time in what seems to her like forever – squeezing her hand feather-lightly – and when he leans slightly, unconsciously into her touch when she strokes his cheek – out of habit, without even expecting any sort of reaction from him and being pleasantly surprised – and when he opens his eyes for the first time – it's a brief occurrence, with his eyes slipping shut tiredly again after just a few moments, and he's still pretty much out of it, apparently, not even noticing her presence by his side, but for Liz it's a major event – and when he finally, finally looks directly at her – alive and conscious and alert – and calls her "Lizzy". He's still weak and his voice sounds terrible and Liz knows she shouldn't let all of her pent-up feelings – the fear and despair and frustration and love and relief and exhaustion – out on him like that – he's just woken up, after all – but she can't hold back the tears nor the jumbled mess of "thank you"s and "I love you"s and " "I've missed you"s and "I'm so so happy you're back" and "I was so worried" and "Don't ever scare me like that again" that spills from her lips as she leans in to kiss him lightly and give him the gentlest of hugs...

(Since I'm not a ficwriter and, therefore, have no intentions of using this pile of ideas/images/feelings myself, I wouldn't mind at all if you or any other writer drew inspiration from this rambling of mine)

Ahhhhh 😭😭😭 Are you sure you're not a fic writer, anon?? Cause this reads like some quality hurt/comfort to me!! 🥲🥲 Honestly, this is a lovely scenario to imagine & it gives me a slightly bitter sense of satisfaction to think of Liz suffering through just a fraction of the time Red spent by her side while she was in her coma... especially if it's the catalyst for fEeLiNgS to emerge tee hee bc, you're RIGHT, we were woefully deprived of those situations in the show & I'll never not be sad about it tbh. More specifically, things I love the most about this in no particular order: Liz having to "fight the instinct to curl around her lover & snarl" *swoon*, Liz swearing she will kill him herself if he dies LMAO, Dembe hugging her for comfort & Mr. Kaplan helping her get cleaned up 🥺🥺🥺, Liz playing records for Red yasss, AGNES & everyone taking turns babysitting her while she misses her Daddy desperately but deals with the situation with a maturity & grace beyond her years in an effort to help her grieving Mommy through it cool cool mkay mkay, Liz only breaking down once Agnes leaves OWWW, anddddd Liz being a blubbering mess when Red finally wakes up & calls her "Lizzie" & they kiss *whispers* it's fine, i'm fine 🙃 IN CONCLUSION, I love this anon, thank you for sharing this lovely little AU with me!! 🥰 And much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[alyblacklist]

I have always felt from episode 1 this season that the woman Liz now believes is her mother is not her mother. She has zero maternal feelings for Liz and there's no father-daughter relationship between her and Dom. One of the Johns also said in an interview that they were planning on killing Katarina twice (last season finale and , but decided to stretch the arc, which sounds like she is not a very important character in the bigger scheme of things. Is there another way of reading that?

I do think there is another way of reading it, anon, and here’s why.  I hope you don’t mind a long response because you’re about to get one.

First, in terms of the recent JE comments that they considered killing Katarina in 6.22 and again in the midseason finale, the writers have entertained a number of scenarios over the years for various characters that they later concluded were bad ideas for one reason or another. Tom Keen is the main example who springs to mind – they planned to kill him in the Pilot and then again at the end of season 1 and changed their minds both times. His character went on to play an outsized role for 4.5 more seasons and a spinoff despite evidently not being very important to the ultimate endgame (and to much controversy). JE’s comments about how they loved Laila so much that they just wanted to write more for her really reminded me of how he used to talk about Ryan. Liz’s mother was supposedly dead in the Pilot, Red turned himself in “because of your father,” and Katarina wasn’t mentioned by name until near the end of S2. She first appeared in Cape May – an episode the writers didn’t even plan for but got pushed into writing by Sony and NBC – and gradually her role and legend have grown. But I guess I’ve never expected Katarina necessarily to be a critical player in the ultimate endgame of the series (though of course she could be, if they want her to be). They also considered killing Cooper at the end of S1 along with Meera, making Ressler an amputee after Anslo - the list goes on. So I read JE’s interview as simply talking through some of the ideas that they batted around in the room (including an early death in 6.22 that might have had greater shock value) and I don’t take any of this as a definitive clue on whether this is a real Katarina or not or her ultimate importance to the story.

Turning to the character herself, I’m not sure that Katarina has ever had what most would consider typical maternal feelings for Liz. Everything we know about Katarina’s feelings for Liz has largely come through the memories of others – Red, Kirk, Mr. Kaplan, Dom – so how much was true and how much was distorted reality or a tale told to Liz to make her feel better?

Red tells Liz from the beginning that her mother died of “weakness and shame.” By season 3, she’s the “cleverest, most resourceful woman” he has ever known. “The secret-keeper who disappeared.” A woman who “dreaded having a child. Almost aborted it,” but who supposedly had a change of heart after Liz was born and thereafter never thought she was “anything but a blessing.” She’s also a woman who was “never the same” after the fire, who found it “too much” that “[t]he man she loved [was] killed by the child she adored.” Red allows Liz to believe she basically killed both her parents by pulling the trigger on her father the night of the fire. By Season 6, we learn through Red’s trial that Katarina framed Liz’s father in March 1990 for the deaths of 134 sailors aboard the USS Gideon. Red assures Liz that her parents “loved you very much,” and tries to explain that things were “complicated.” Liz is not convinced.

Kirk in season 4 paints a rosier picture – that Liz was his “entire life,” that she was “all your mother and I ever cared about.” All while holding her hostage and ultimately dangling Agnes off a roof. At the same time, Liz reads her mother’s journal, recovered from Kirk’s house where her mother waxes about how Masha is her “entire life. She’s everything.” Truth? Or carefully planted fiction?

And then Kate’s memories (which Liz isn’t even aware of) portray a mixed picture. A Katarina who tells Kate she’s not allowed to love Masha, who kills a Russian operative in the kitchen with her daughter asleep upstairs (and who admits to Kate she considered killing her too), who continues an affair on the property of home she lives in with her family without concern for what Masha sees, who later drops her with a grifter in Nebraska who never wanted to raise a child and then fakes her own death and vanishes. Is she truly maternal or self-sacrificing? Or is she simply selfish?  

Dom’s Katarina is desperate and out of options. She vanishes because it’s the only choice after the unspecified things that she’s done. Dom’s memories show little concern for her daughter other than Katarina asking Ilya to care for her if “they” take her, if they get to her and a quick phone call to tell Masha she’s not coming for her anytime soon right before she fakes her death for the world.  

And then we have the distorted fire memories complete with all the questions about their reliability in terms of who was who and who did what. Katarina was there – we know that much – she may have come for the fulcrum, may have come for Masha, may have fought with Reddington. There’s a lot there that we just haven’t had confirmed yet.

So – bottom line – I’m not sure if it was fair for us to expect this hardened spy who has been living underground for over 30 years to be any more maternal than she was when she finally showed up in Liz’s kitchen. Laila did portray what I felt was some genuine emotion towards Liz and Agnes. And, for all her flaws, treated both of them better than Kirk did despite his apparent belief up until 4.08 that he was in fact Liz’s father. How else would a hunted but resourceful spy be expected to get close enough to her daughter - who currently works with her greatest enemy and is employed by the FBI - without arousing suspicion other than by a ruse?

And as far as Katarina not having a father-daughter relationship with Dom – if the story we have been shown is even partially or mostly true, we are clearly missing key events in between Rassvet and Belgrade that explain how we got from one to the other. What changed in between the time that Katarina said goodbye to her father in Rassvet and the moment that Dom and Ilya tried to blow up that car in Belgrade? Supporting the narrative that there are key events we are missing are Dembe’s statement to Red that “I’m not sure Elizabeth will ever be ready to learn about what you did to Katarina,” Dom’s statement to Red that “She’s gone because of choices you made for both of them. First Katarina and then Masha. As far as I’m concerned, you killed my entire family,” Red’s statement to Dom that “[s]he knows you tried to kill her, Dom. She wants answers, but she also wants revenge. You set her up, betrayed her–.” So there seem to be explanations for why things changed between Dom and Katarina that we are not fully privy to yet.

Bottom line: There are definitely inconsistencies between the Katarina we have seen as portrayed by Lotte and the Katarina we currently see as portrayed by Laila that constantly cause me to reevaluate my position on whether she is real or not real. This Katarina doesn’t seem to remember things we think she should know. She behaves at least somewhat differently than the Katarina of memory. Not to mention the show continues to avoid the one on screen moment that would likely resolve the mystery once and for all for most viewers: Red in a room with both women confirming to Liz that Laila’s character is her mother, Katarina Rostova.

But while you come down on the side of Fakerina, I still fall on the side of Katarina being real. If she’s not, it’s a terrible waste of time for the #3 slot on the Blacklist and what will probably end up being a full season by the time the arc resolves. If she’s not, it’s a story that should have been resolved at the mid-season finale at the latest and not dragged into the back half of the season. Not to mention I’ve yet to see a plausible explanation for why some other random woman would also have such a close relationship with Ilya such that she would drop everything in Belgrade to help him, and also be intimately familiar with relatively unknown details like Masha shooting her father. Was Red pretty dispassionate about her death? Yes. But was that in part him testing Liz to see how much she had learned from the woman? He saw the signs of struggle in her apartment. He said Aram told him the woman was her neighbor and had been watching Agnes. If he’s not connecting the dots that Katarina had her hands on Liz for some period of time (which he articulated to Dembe was the case in 7.10), he’s worse off than I thought.

I’m not sure what the explanations will ultimately be for all these disconnects, but I certainly hope we’re not spinning on wheels on another fake parent just to avoid killing certain parental theories that certain podcast hosts have managed to popularize in certain writers’ minds. Thanks for the ask.  

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

Lost in the Forest of This Heart, Chapter 10: Caught Between Forever And Nothing At All

Lizzington, The Blacklist. One chapter left for this longest-running WIP of mine!

Summary: Control, longing, plans. His voice lacks all of the polish she’s used to, like a shot of whiskey over broken glass. She has the ridiculous urge to burrow into that sound and never leave.  

Cross-posted on AO3. important notes can also be found there.

Liz wakes before sunrise, the solid weight of Red’s back pressed against her own.

It takes a moment for reality to return. Oh, yeah. That’s right. She did the stupid thing last night, letting her loneliness override common sense.

Sneaking into his bed without a word. Could she be any creepier? She’s lucky he didn’t wake her back up to evict her…if he even knew she was here.

Red is snoring lightly, which is both endearing and helpful. When Liz cautiously pulls away from him to turn around, she doesn’t have to wonder if he’s awake.

It will be really awkward if he turns over and finds himself face to face with her–the wise choice would be to retreat to her own bed before he wakes–but she’s not willing to let this opportunity pass her by.

As of tomorrow, she’ll be heading who-knows-where, and Red will be gone. Dembe will be delightful company, less prickly than Red can be at times, but he won’t be…Red.

Liz squeezes her eyes shut, so tight she sees stars, and accepts the truth she’s been avoiding for days now. Weeks, maybe. God, months if she’s willing to look at herself in the worst possible light.

It’s not really about her safety anymore, or where her future is headed. Red will keep pulling strings to clear her name whether they’re together or not, and Dembe is just as capable of keeping her alive–possibly more qualified, even.

No, this panic when she imagines going on without him is not about her at all. It’s about him.

She loves him.

Liz opens her eyes, strangely relieved to have admitted it, even just inside her own head.

Regarding the slope of his shoulders a few inches away, she wishes she was brave enough to cross the distance. He’s never pushed her away while conscious. Always had a hug available, or a hand to hold hers. She suspects he’s a cuddler.

Damn it, she’s going to miss him. It’s not fair. After everything else, she has to lose him too?

They haven’t even had a chance to work out most of their issues, to rebuild what’s been destroyed. They need more time.

If only the Task Force hadn’t found the phone they used. Ressler is probably on their heels right now.

A thought strikes her, as Red turns toward her in his sleep. He never said anyone was actually following them. He said they found the phone. Knowing the phone was found, they would know if the FBI was tracing it in their direction. But he said if.

If they found the trail, Red would be the one captured. Not when.

What were the odds Red would stick to a path he knew to be on their radar? He was better at protecting himself than that. And if he would be safe staying the course, why wouldn’t she?

Not to mention, it was only a few short weeks ago that he was agreeing that it would be easier to split up, but he had no interest in doing so. Were things more dire than he was telling her, to change his mind? Or was it something else?

While Liz is busy asking herself questions she can’t answer, Red wakes without stirring. She’s never seen anything like it–his breathing remains even and quiet, his body still. His eyes just drift open, and she gets to watch them focus on her as he comes back to the world.

For that one instant, as she watches his eyes go from a deep, clouded blue to a brighter, alert green, it feels like she’s the world he’s coming back to–and she can’t help wishing that were true.

"Elizabeth,” he murmurs, still motionless. It’s the first time he’s ever called her that without using it as a reprimand. His voice lacks all of the polish she’s used to, like a shot of whiskey over broken glass. She has the ridiculous urge to burrow into that sound and never leave. There’s something captivating about it.

She doesn’t even realize she’s smiling until Red’s lips curve in response.

“Good morning.”

He has that sly, knowing look in his eyes now, the one that tells her he’s got her number. He might as well be wearing a hat, it’s so much like any day he met her to share intel and poke holes in her team’s work.

“Morning.” She resists the urge to sit up, turn away–anything to avoid the intense way he’s focusing on her now. This wasn’t what she had in mind when she decided to steal a little time with him. She’s pretty sure she’s blushing, caught doing something she would never do when he was awake.

“How did you sleep?”

He’s not exactly looking at her now; more like through her, around her. If she didn’t know better, she would think his gaze kept drifting to her lips and back up. If she didn’t know better, Liz could pretend he liked finding her this close, rather than being too sleepy to care. Yet.

“I slept okay. Bit restless,” she admits.

“Me too.”

“Sorry about this,” she adds reluctantly. Now she’s given him the opening to back off, push her away, but it’s better than seeming like she thinks she has the right to climb into bed with him. Falling for him has made her crazy.

Oh, god, she really has. She has fallen in love with Raymond Reddington. A man who kills without hesitation. A man who sees her as his life’s mission to protect, some sort of debt he owes her dead parents.

It’s a bad sign that the second part bothers her more.

He can’t know what she’s thinking, but he seems too busy watching the shifting expressions cross her face to take the out she gave him.

“You okay?”

Liz swallows the laugh that wants to betray her hysteria. Just fine, no problem…head over heels for the Concierge of Crime. Nothing to see here.

“Yeah.” She knows she’s blushing again. He must be half-asleep still, because for a man who reads her easily, he doesn’t comment.

But boy, does he stare.

****

Lizzie’s eyes are so darkly blue this morning that they’re nearly violet. He has never gotten to look at her this way, so close for so long. The delicate freckles across her nose delight him. He’s too happy to be here to feel guilty about wanting to kiss her along the line they form.

Why is she still here? Why is she looking at him like that?

He knows the dream he was having before he woke to find her here involved a life that doesn’t exist. That happens a lot; it leaves him melancholy to face the waking world.

For once, reality is better.

“Did you…have a nightmare?”

He’s not sure how to ask her why she’s with him without scaring her off. He’s incapable of accepting the gift without questioning it. Mercifully, Lizzie seems unspooked, no more eager to go than he is to lose her.

“No.” She looks away, lost in thought for a moment. “I just didn’t want to be in that bed any longer.”

Her response makes no sense to him, but it seems like she expects it to, and he doesn’t choose to dissuade her.

“Alright.”

Lizzie covers a yawn, turning away from him and then back, and he smiles. “We have another hour or so, if you need more sleep.”

“No, I’m good.”

Still, neither of them moves.

“Red?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

He can’t tell if she’s apologizing again for waking up in his bed, or something else. Her sorrow seems incongruous with the moment, though, tears shimmering when everything feels warm, and close, and not-yet-fraught.

“Lizzie.” He presses his hand to her cheek, catching the tears when they fall. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

I’m sorry for being so angry for so long, she thinks. I’m sorry there’s not enough time now. I’m sorry I can’t tell you, when you deserve to know.

Liz sighs. “I’m sorry anyway,” she says, shutting her eyes.

He stays there, her face against his fingers, until the tears dry.

****

The woman who hands Red the car keys is petite and trim and looks as though she’s rapidly approaching seventy, but the firmness of her mouth reminds Liz of Mr. Kaplan. Like all of Red’s associates, this is not a person to be trifled with.

“You be careful,” she tells him, eyeing Liz from the doorway.

“Always am,” he replies glibly, and the woman sniffs. Red shuts the door, not bothering with farewells.

Liz is smiling when he turns around. “Friend?”

“Of course.”

“She didn’t seem overly awed.”

“Ah, well. She’s seen far more impressive and terrifying things than me in my glasses.” He tucks the keys in his right pocket and surveys the room. “We’ve got everything?”

“What’s to get?”

“Good point.” He scratches his neck. “Well, then, I guess we’re ready.”

Liz glances around along with him. Ready? To possibly never see him again? To share a car for the last time?

How is she supposed to get ready for that?

“Let’s go,” she replies softly. She may not be able to explain her changing feelings to him, but she isn’t willing to lie. No, she’s not ready.

This sedan is a dull blue, similar to the last. It feels smaller, even though she knows it isn’t. There just isn’t enough room for them and their melancholy, both lost in solitary musings. They’ve only been on the freeway for a few minutes when Liz breaks the silence.

“So after we…when we leave Wisconsin tomorrow, what happens next?”

“Right.” Red squints harder at the road, as though the parallel lines might up and move on him. “While you and I have been zigzagging across America, Dembe and Mr. Kaplan and a few others have been putting things in motion.”

“Okay…”

He spares a quick glance for her before returning his attention to the road. There’s a deadly satisfaction in it. “Now that the groundwork has been laid, Lizzie–we take down the Cabal.”

“We?” She’s watching him carefully now. “But I thought…”

“We’ll be travelling separately,” he acknowledges, “but we will still be working together. Meeting occasionally. I did hear you,” Red adds quietly. “It’s time for me to stop treating you like a child.”

Well, that’s something.

“Okay…what do you mean, we’ll be meeting? When?” Will you be Red then, or will you have disappeared behind your carefully constructed walls again?

He chuckles, unaware of her fears. “Soon enough. When the details are set, Dembe will pass them to you. And we’ll be meeting, because it will take the both of us, to truly, finally eliminate our enemies.”

The dark determination in his voice when he talks about “their” enemies gives Liz a shivery feeling that she can’t blame on fear.

“You’re going to need to be in disguise a lot,” he adds. “Dembe can help you with that part.”

“That shouldn’t be necessary,” she counters. “I took a semester of drama–I know how to style a wig.”

“Right.” How had he forgotten that? Sam had sent him pictures of Lizzie as Persephone, her one onstage role. Red had considered it a shame that she preferred to stay behind the scenes, focusing on the work, until he saw them. She was radiant, a scene-stealer.

Even then, it worried him. He told himself he was concerned for her safety, the possibility that someone might pay a little too much attention and dig into her past–but of course that was ridiculous.

No, he was just terrified of getting attached, of letting his feelings get in the way of what he would someday have to do.

If only he had listened to his fear.

Instead, he’s following the interstate, aware of every single minute as it passes. Red knows that whenever they do meet next, it’ll be too long an absence. Life without Lizzie will be a world without light, without color.

He can feel her eyes on him, and her mind working, trying to piece the plan together. When she gives in to her curiosity, it makes him smile. “So, if I’ll be with you, what are the disguises for? I mean, being in your company will make it obvious that I’m me–unless you’re talking serious prosthetics.”

“No, nothing quite that extreme. The disguises won’t be for disguise. They’ll be for testing loyalty.”

“They–wait,” she says slowly as it dawns on her. “I’ve heard of this. I studied this.”

“I’m sure you did. It’s a cliche at this point, but it works.”

“And you’ll what? Parade me around in different hairstyles and see what reports of me make it back to the Cabal?”

“As well as the FBI, of course. Any betrayal could put us in danger.”

“So I’m just for show.” Disappointment has dulled Liz’s voice. She shifts to stare out the window.

“Not at all, Lizzie.” Red reaches for her hand, glancing away from the road long enough to catch her expression. “The disguises will help me find weak links among my acquaintances, but that’s not why you’ll be with me. That’s a side benefit.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. You’ll be with me because it’s time to show the world that you are a formidable adversary. Our enemies"–there was that tone again–"as well as our friends need to know that if they go after us, both of us will retaliate. They need to know that I am not the only threat.”

She squeezes his hand. “So, I’ll be armed.”

“Yes, of course. Dembe will have weapons for us both when we get to Wisconsin.”

“You’re not worried…after what happened the last time?”

“Why on earth would I be?” The question baffles him. This is Lizzie.

“Well, I’m a little worried,” she admits. “I’d understand if you were.”

“I trust you,” he says firmly, letting go of her hand to rub her shoulder. “And if you need me, I’ll be right there.”

Except for when you’re not, Liz thinks but doesn’t say.

“So,” Red continues, “we’ll meet with my contacts some of the time, to check in, and our other reunions will be meeting members of the Cabal directly.”

“To get to the top of the organization?”

“To neutralize them.” Red returns his hand to the wheel, shooting her a careful look. “The Cabal isn’t structured in a centralized way, Lizzie. There’s no CEO, or President. That guarantees that if someone were to kill one member, they wouldn’t be much affected.”

“Like when I shot Connolly.”

“Exactly. We can’t kill their leader, because they have no leader. But they have a core.”

“And if we take out the core, the Cabal shatters.”

“Yes. Or is weakened enough that we can mount a broader attack.”

“It sounds like whack-a-mole.” Liz says, grinning at him.

“I suppose, in a way, it’s similar.”

She grows somber. “But we’ll be killing people.”

“Strategically, when necessary, I will be. Yes.” He sighs. “I wish I could leave you out of that part, Lizzie, I truly do.”

Noting his emphasis on I Liz frowns. “Red, if I’m in this with you, I’m gonna be all in.”

“I’m not going to make a murderer out of you,” he replies.

“It’s too late; I already am.” She lays a hand on his knee, stopping him from arguing further. “I know you think there’s a distinction, and I would love to believe that. But I pulled the trigger, I made the decision. I chose to kill him. And Connolly was no greater threat to me than everyone else in the Cabal.”

Red is shifting his attention from the road to her and back, concerned.

“They want me dead,” Liz says simply. “And the way things are supposed to work, where the authorities can be counted on to take care of them, protect us all–we don’t live in that world. Turns out that world never even existed. So if we have to kill them first…that’s justice.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, awed by her. There’s a warrior under all that tragedy and pain, one he’s seen glimpses of over the years but never so clearly as right now.

Sometimes, the way he loves her hits him like a fist to the stomach. He would die for the woman sitting next to him, without a thought. Without blinking. Without regret.

“Please don’t fight me on this,” Liz finishes quietly, misunderstanding his silence. “I’m with you, now–as far as it goes.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he assures her, gripping the steering wheel until it hurts. It takes all his strength to stop himself from pulling the car over right that second and telling her everything he’s still keeping locked away.

He could swear oaths and confess his feelings and reach for her, throwing a lifetime of caution to the wind for just one chance to touch her. Getting to breathe her in, finally letting his deepest needs out, his hands in her hair and mouth on her skin–

Red clears his throat, wishing not for the first time that he had been blessed with slightly less imagination.

It runs wild around her.

“You’ll have your own gun,” he says, returning to their conversation as though he can simply will the traitorous thoughts away. “I fully expect that you’ll use it if need be.”

“Okay. Good. Glad we’re on the same page.”

****

Grateful to have sorted out the plan of attack, Liz waits until they’ve finished lunch to bring up the question that’s been burning inside her all day. She swore she wouldn’t push anymore, but this isn’t something she can let go of without a fight–this is losing him.

If she has any hope of stopping it, she has to try.

“Red?”

“Yes, Lizzie?” He looks up from the paper he’s reading, so unsuspecting that guilt almost steals her words before she can speak them.

“Why are we splitting up, exactly?”

He sets the paper aside. “For safety. I told you yesterday, the Task Force–”

“Found the phone,” Liz agrees, interrupting his measured words. “Not us. You never said we were in any immediate danger. Red…you didn’t explain why going separately will be safer, if we’re just going to reunite to face the Cabal. It doesn’t make sense.”

“It’s more prudent,” he says. “If we can succeed even slightly at shifting the focus to me, you’ll be safer.”

“Except nothing you do is going to make me less of a target,” she argues. “On our own, we’re two targets, equally at risk. Or I’ll actually be more at risk–it’s me they want now, more than anyone else, including you.”

“Staying together isn’t the best course of action,” Red insists stubbornly.

He hasn’t actually responded to her argument. “This isn’t about our safety from the Task Force,” Liz decides. “One clue about where we passed through two days ago won’t guarantee them any viable leads. So what is this really about?”

“I told you that I trust you. Can’t you trust me when I tell you we need to do this? It’ll be safer this way,” Red insists again.

“Safer for who?”

His face is a mask, and he doesn’t reply. Why won’t he tell her what’s going on?

“Damn it, Red.” She slaps a hand against the window at her side, unable to hold back the impulse to lash out at something. Someone. Was it her father who passed that down to her?

Red doesn’t so much as blink, which makes her even angrier. How can he be so calm about this? How can he sit and watch her desperate need to understand–to find a way out–tear her apart, and be completely unruffled? It’s the feeling of spinning totally out of control that compels her to actually voice the question.

“How can you just sit there staring at me like you don’t even care? Say something!”

When he grabs her arm before she can hit their car again in frustration, she’s startled by the iron in his grip. He’s never been less than gentle with her.

“Of course I care.” His words are deep and heated enough to be a caress, but they snap like thunder. He’s still holding her arm immobile, and she’s too shocked to tug it back. “Not everyone lets their feelings rule them, Elizabeth, and it doesn’t make them any less passionate. You think too little of me.” You pay too little attention.

“That’s not true.” She feels cold, and she knows there’s a hint of fear here, buried under her frustration. Fear of losing him, of pushing him too far–fear of the look in his eye while he restrains her. She wants to know this man, she does, but what she’s already discovered heightens her rollercoaster emotions. It’s all ups and downs with Red: flirtatious smiles and sobbing in his arms, vengeful words and selfless rescues.

“I have always appreciated you for exactly who you are,” he says more calmly, drawing his hand back and watching dispassionately as she touches her arm where he gripped it. “However, your habit of lashing out this way puts you at risk. It might be wise for you to practice some control.”

She can’t stop the bitterness from coming out through words that should be said lightly, pleasantly. “I think you have more than enough of that for the both of us.”

Red looks at her, then at her arm, where she can still feel the pressure of his hand. “Not always, Lizzie.”

He shifts away, resting his head in the corner against the window and closing his eyes. “You need to be more careful.”

[imyourplusone]

4.20 reaction to all the fuckery er fakery...

Haven’t done one of these in a while and don’t know why I’m doing this one other than Red’s got me all riled up in some good ways and not so good ways.

I haven’t watched an ep like this since Luther Braxton conclusion when everything was great (!!) until Lizzy snatched her arm away and a piece of my soul died. So I really loved the episode and the twisty reveal until….I just didn’t anymore. I feel all alone on the island of tying someone to a chair ain’t that nice so don’t do that how about. 

Anyway let the ramble commence:

-random girl on the beach named Jennifer gets shoutout while Red’s daughter also named Jennifer hasn’t been mentioned since 2.2. File under writer’s why you so cruel?

-Recompense…why I heard this as Alan Shore altogether now lesbians!! I’m not sure but it was fun. For me not this poor bastard. File under should have been Tom in that barrel

-Niles the Butler!!! I mean Daniel Davis! welcome back and for god’s sake give this guy an actual story he’s beyond brilliant. file under The Nanny forever!!

-Red in socks, kicked back talking to Lizzy about a threat to her life while being anywhere but “not there” which is technically not a big fat lie but be careful playing fast and loose with the truth. file under keeping my eyes on you Red….because that view is nice  

-Ressler and Gale - these guys are perfect for one another. file under Jessler I will go down with this ship

-Gale you’re a loon and I wish I had some moral outrage regarding these killers Red killed. I’m saving that outrage for Meera, Ames, Asher etc. file under gale may need a padded cell at some point 

-Liz called Red “Red” not to Red but to Samar and well at least she doesn’t think his given name is Reddington because I was beginning to have my doubts. Liz has been pretty great these last few episodes and that is pretty great. file under highly suspicious behavior and will it stay or will it go?

-In all seriousness I don’t like guns being waved around at a school no matter how punk ass the kid is. Lets be better than that writers. file under bad messaging which y’all excel at but that just wasn’t cute

-Marvin and the (fake) shade toward Ressler was so believable he should be pardoned for that alone. file under truth hurts

-Red and Dembe. James and Hisham. I appreciate this relationship more with every episode and interview. They are the show in so many ways now. Yes I love Red and Lizzy but since 3.10 lets get real Red and Dembe have also or in large part become the heart of the show. I’ve heard it said that Aram is the conscience of TBL and I can agree with this minus the tom thing but Dembe is Red’s conscience in so many ways. One of the few people that will speak the truth to him no matter what, something Red desperately needs. file under too beautiful for words and that heart to heart scene just take me to church or the ice rink I’m dead

-The good writing: the spider and the fly, dead dropping the body on a dead end street, the revenge monologue and the Red/Dembe scene I suppose illustrates why so many of us have that sliver of hope things will improve because of these little moments of greatness. file under why I’m pissed I need a bad writing section 

-The bad writing: Soooooo lemme get this straight. Last week seems Red accidentally unintentionally got some enemy’s kid killed in a fake af kidnapping so of course this week we got Red setting up a fake af Lizzy kidnapping. Never mind she was taken by Kirk recently and that might bring up some traumatic memories. Never mind this debt collector is a self described sociopath and Lizzy already lives with one does she need another wtf Raymond were you thinking?! Never mind Lizzy could have been hurt all to drag her to the woods to be used as bait to lure Kate and her heavily armed thugs there where AGAIN Lizzy could have been caught in the crossfire ALL WHILE TIED TO A CHAIR. Ok that reveal was A++++++++ fantastic and I saw the bts pics but was so caught up in the episode it really surprised me until my mini rage stroke a second later. Just my humble opinion but when Lizzy says “untie me” to Red she better damn well have given permission in the first place. file under I don’t like this vibe and clearly i’m being punked cross reference with how about have Lizzy in on it you idiots!

-Lizzy you took it like a champ and were nicer than I’d have been. Really loved the phone chats in this one. file under nice Lizzy sounds fake but she’s really being nice what the hell

-Kate…I don’t accept this retcon but James and Susan together are just too damn good. I know it’s coming to an end which is a reason I’ve been quiet(er) these last few eps. It’s a waste imo but seems all but done at this point. file under my Mr Kaplan deserved better

-Promo…I swear to god only TBL promos should come with a warning label. So half my brain says no way they’ll never do IT and the other half says well tptb have done every stupid thing you’ve said they absolutely will never do so…..the fear of a retcon is real. FYI Lizzy’s father is Sam and I will never quite understand the writers complete lack of understanding where adoption is concerned. So bring on that sperm donor reveal because the excitement is too much. file under I’ve never cared less about an issue in my entire life this is worse than politics and high school trig.

-I found much of 4.20 really fun to watch with some damn good writing but man do I hate what Red did. I also feel just smug enough that I can be pissed at him and disagree with his actions while being the shipper that I still am….unlike other ships that excuse ALL the shit their faves pull. file under smugly grumpy

[chadnevett]

One of the rare network shows that I watch on a regular basis (ie. every episode) is The Blacklist. I watch it with my wife -- and, this season, we also watched The Blacklist: Redemption. She watches many more shows, including ones that she admits are terrible -- and ones that she won't admit are terrible (*cough*Bull*cough*). But, as terrible as it is at times, I'm still with The Blacklist. Lord knows why. Actually, I know why: James Spader. And because it's a show to watch with my wife.

For those not watching, the premise of the show was that James Spader plays the best criminal in the world who, for reasons not apparent at the time, turns himself into the FBI with the intention of helping them capture all sorts of other criminals (the eponymous Blacklist), but only if he can work with a rookie profiler named Elizabeth. This has turned into a long, never-ending story of the destruction of what she thought was her life (but was really a lot of fake shit) until she finally gets proof that Spader is her dad in the most-recent season finale (fuck your spoilers) after four seasons of "is he/isn't he?" (although, in looking for the above gifs, I learned of a Tumblr 'ship page calling "Lizzington" that hopes for a relationship between Liz and Reddington (Spader)... bet the folks there feel a little awkward now... I hope they do, at least). I couldn't even begin to recap all of the bullshit and false turns that led to this moment. Instead, I just want to ramble a bit on the show in general and how I both like and hate it. We began watching it because of James Spader. Spader playing a master criminal? Seemed like a fun idea -- and it has been. The writers just lean right into his ability to deliver a captivating monologue at the drop of a hat. Actually, in the first season, you could see them course correct the show to a degree, raising the amount of Spader focus after the first half-season was focused way more on Liz and the FBI task force with Spader being more of a bit player. You can see where the initial focus of the show was meant to be, but, then, someone smacked someone upside the head and said "You cast James fucking Spader! USE HIM!" Also, the other shit is the terrible part of the show. That's not quite true, actually. For the last few episodes of the previous season, it seems like Liz is dead (she faked it!) and the show actually got better. Considerably. It turns out that the worst part of the show was it revolving around Liz. Even the FBI characters that we usually didn't like became more engaging. Turns out that not being dragged down into her "I love Reddington, no I hate him, no I love him, no I hate him" bullshit lets them be somewhat interesting. This became even more apparent when he husband (who is also her ex-husband!) got his own spin-off delving into his weird family drama (the aforementioned The Blacklist: Redemption) and that show was much better. I "joked" to my wife that all they needed to do was cancel the main series, shift Spader over, and they'd really have a show worth watching.

The main problem is that the show has never really seemed like it knew what it wanted to do with Liz, mostly because the show doesn't want to give too much away. They dragged out that "What is Reddington's relationship to Liz?" thing for so fucking long and, by the time the reveal happened, we didn't care. It was almost underwhelming that he's her father after all of this time. What explanation can make that make anything resembling sense? But, Liz as a character, doesn't really come off as having a core personality. She just drifts through the show, alternating between being on Red's side and hating him, usually in the worst sort of "What have you done for/to me lately?" way. She just responds to the most immediate stimulus even if it contradicts what happened before or shows the memory of a goldfish. She shows very little reasoning skills or ability to actually think about consequences. She does half a dozen stupid things an episode. And, you know, that wouldn't be a bad character to have on a TV show -- if the show or any of the other characters seemed aware that that is who she is. But, the show places her in a central role and the other characters all fawn over her. She is the centre of this show's universe and it really drags the show down. This was made amazingly apparent when she "died" and everything improved. Every character was better when their only engagement with Liz was feeling sad that she died. Hell, we even got an all-Spader episode. It wasn't quite as good as you'd hope, but, dammit, it was all-Spader.

To provide a more concrete example of the Problem with Liz, let's take the story that dominated the most recent half-season. Red had a cleaner named Mr. Kaplan. Last season, she (yes, she) helped Liz fake her death so Liz could escape her life with her baby and husband. Red saw this as an unforgiveable betrayal and, because he's a master criminal and Mr. Kaplan knows all of his secrets, he shot her. Except she survived. And the most recent half-season was her trying to take down Red by using all of his secrets against him -- dismantling his criminal empire where she could, delivering 80 or so dead bodies to the FBI, trying to poison him, etc -- mostly under the pretext of finishing the job she started with helping Liz fake her death -- getting Red out of Liz and her daughter's life. Red, realising his own mistake in trying to kill her, offers her many chances to end the war and find a way to coexist, including a private island. She always refuses, making it infinitely clear that the only way it ends is with one of their deaths. She is absolutely committed to this. Red offers peace numerous times and is always refused. Liz witnesses some of these conversations. Yet, even to the end, she continually nags Red to not kill Mr. Kaplan as Mr. Kaplan does everything she can to destroy Red's life -- Liz offers no other solution. Nor does any character ask her what her solution is. Because she doesn't exist to solve problems, just act as a drag on the whole thing. To complicate Red's life and act as a quasi-antagonist who, after everything she's been through, still has some naive worldview (until she doesn't).

Speaking of naive, there's the FBI task force that works with Red and, every other week, gets pissy, because they realise that the most recent Blacklister that they took down was offered up by Reddington because it suited his own purposes... just like every other previous Blacklister. The idea that he's worked his way to having the FBI do his dirty business for him comes up again and again and almost always with the idea that they're just realising what's going on... even though, two episodes ago, they complained about the same shit.

As I said above, this season had a spin-off show, The Blacklist: Redemption, which dealt with Liz's husband Tom's family. I wouldn't know where to begin to clue you in on that whole story (I will say that someone needs to make a CM Punk biopic and get the guy who plays Tom to play Punk -- Spader can be Paul Heyman...!). I'll just say that it moved quicker than the main show, offered better action, better mysteries, and was left hanging in a way that, now that it's been cancelled, I can only hope will mean that its lingering plot details will get moved over to the main show. Not because I need closure -- just because the more we see of those characters is the less we see of the main show bullshit. Plus, now that Red is officially confirmed as Tom's father-in-law, a man can hope for a moment where it's Red, Dembe (his right-hand man and the second-best character on the show), Tom, and Mr. Solomon all doing cool criminal shit together.

The one mystery that I'm still waiting for them to explore more in-depth is what turned Reddington into a criminal and what happened with his family. He was once being groomed to be an admiral and worked in Naval intelligence. What happened? THAT is what keeps me going. All of this Liz shit was a sideshow, mostly because of the poor way she was written. Judging by the season finale where the revelation that they're father and daughter was followed up with "But she doesn't know what I did to her mother!" and a duffle bag containing a skeleton makes me groan, because IT'S. NOT. OVER. I just want them to skip to the part where we get to see Reddington rebuild his empire and, eventually, learn what turned him to begin with. I doubt it will happen anytime soon, because that's the way this show is. But, fuck it, I'm in it to the end. Because I'm stupid. Because I'm in it for Spader. And because it's a show to watch with my wife.

(Gifs taken from Fuck Yeah The Blacklist Edits)

[meetmeatthecoda]

All right well...

... I didn’t think I’d be making any more posts about The Blacklist any time soon but hey, life has a way of surprising you that way (see: the current American political climate). So I have some feelings about tonight’s ep (WHAT ARE FEELINGS I BARELY REMEMBER) and, believe it or not, they’re mostly good! So, in case there’s anybody still out there who gives a shit about this show and/or my opinions about it, here’s a summation of my current state of mind.

Fair warning: This is a long-ass post.

Okay so last week’s ep was complete shit. The whole “WE HAVE A BIG SURPRISE CAUSE OH NO A MOLE WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE OH WHOOPS WE SPOILED IT IN THE PROMO BUT OH WELL WE’LL JUST PRETEND WE DIDN’T” fiasco with nary a scene with both Red and Liz in a room together because, what, like that works? Whatever, you get it, it was crap. But I’m gonna talk about THIS week because my sanity is important to me.

So. I actually thought it was really pretty good (I know, how are pigs not flying and meatballs not falling from the sky). As long as you ignore the vomit-inducing Keen2 playing house and “repairing their relationship” bullshit. (That was physically hard to type btw.) There was actually an interesting, if initially slightly creepy, blacklister story, no completely boring post office team shit, Red displaying some very interesting goals and behavior (ohhh, don’t worry, we’ll get back to that), and some actual Red/Liz interaction. Shocker. So, obviously, I’m gonna focus on Red & Liz because.... well, what the fuck else is there? Okay, so.

First of all, let this lizzington rant be prefaced by the fact that, yes, I know Tom still exists, unfortunately, but he is leaving for the blessed spin-off in February hopefully after a Jupiter-sized blow-up fight with Liz that will make him never come back. Ever. This hope is inspired by the stupid, god-forsaken promo that I accidently saw on NBC the other night where Tom says into a phone, “A second chance. That’s all I want.” Didn’t he already get this? You know, when Liz took back her abuser and started a family with him? Why would he need another (fifteenth) second chance? Did the whole “perfect family” thing with Liz fall through? Why, oh why, would that be? A discrepancy about parentage of one little girl perhaps? (second filming in the shipping container anyone?????? Pleaseijustreallywantthattocometosomethingcanyoublameme) Well whatever. I don’t care what drives Tom away so long as something does. So with the spin-off, I’d like to think we’re pretty much guaranteed that, at least for a little while (dare I type it?) So with that in mind, I’m just gritting my teeth through the Tom scenes for now. Okay, moving on. Also because I apparently have nothing better to do than watch this stupid show out of the corner of my eye while pretending to be on my computer and not let this shenanigans affect me at all

So. Back to where we all want to be: Red&Liz. Based on this ep, they seem to be on pretty interesting footing. Liz thanked Red. Maybe it was a bit of a backhanded compliment. Oh well. I think we’ve come to expect that from Liz. At least she mentioned it. I’ll take it. I was, however, surprised by Red’s rather frosty reception. He’s not groveling at her feet for scraps of attention as he once did. As @ihaveyoulizzington graciously reminded me, Red & Liz still haven’t really talked since Liz faked her death and Red was wrecked. So yeah. Some residual hard feelings are to be expected. Since being reminded of that, Liz’s cheerful, friendly attitude is a little ridiculous, per usual. But I think she is trying to be nice, with the whole Red asking to see her new place (CUTE BABY) and her kindly saying, “not yet, maybe someday” (some DAY?! Not some TIME?! Are you SHITTING me?!) and Red’s cute pouty lip and “welp, okay then, whatever” expression. In summary, I think they’re trying. (The puzzle piece was also very symbolic, I thought. As soon as Liz said “someday” and Red accepted that, the last puzzle piece fit right into place. Maybe with that promise from Liz, Red can start putting himself back together again, just like that puzzle. At least that’s what I got from it.)

And now back to Red’s behavior. From the beginning of this ep, I thought that it was a little strange. The first scene or so of the ep was depicting Tom and Liz’s “blissful home life” (a la the pilot) and then they went to Red in that weird all white apartment, freaking out the real estate lady, when he usually goes to such lengths to put innocent non-criminals, especially women, at ease around him. And for the whole ep, he was obsessed with the white carpet and how there was no stain. Red is usually not stuck on one topic for that long. But he just kept raving on about it with a weird look in his eye. I think he was trying to block out the guilt he still feels (and Dembe is still inflicting) over Kate’s “murder” (in quotes bc she’s still alive bc no one dies on this show). This manic, obsessive behavior coupled with trying to complete an all-white puzzle in an all-white apartment throughout the whole ep was, I though, really meant to represent his current mental state. Kind of shell-shocked, not processing everything that’s happened and affected him more than he’s willing to let on, in denial about a lot of his feelings, feeling distanced/never really reunited with Lizzie, and just his ever present mountain of guilt. Just call him Atlas, amiright? Sorry, I’ll stop. So yeah, I think Red is really lost and hurting and it looks like that’s gonna come to a head real soon and I couldn’t be more glad that they’re actually showing that. ALSO, DEMBE. THAT PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL. I HAVE MANY FEELINGS. Firstly, when that underling Red manipulated into betraying his boss asked Dembe, “Could you shoot your boss?” and Dembe said, “I don’t know.” WHAT. NO. DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE TPTB. DON’T YOU DARE RUIN THE MOST PRECIOUS, INNOCENT, HEALTHY, AND SOLID RELATIONSHIP ON THIS SHOW WITH YOUR BAD CHOICES. NO. DEMBE LOVES RED LIKE A FATHER AND RED LOVES DEMBE LIKE A SON. DON’T YOU DARE RUIN THAT. I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOU. IS2G. *ahem* Sorry. I mean I get that Dembe has some hard feelings about Red “killing” Kate, that’s only to be expected, cause I imagine Kate was the only mother Dembe ever really knew. So I get it. But Red is also the only father Dembe knows and Dembe would never hurt him. Never. It was much more in character and exponentially pleasing to me to see Dembe go to Liz about Red instead. Like yes. That is straight out of fanfic and I’m fucking here for it. And before Dembe mentioned the whole “Red ‘killed’ Mr. Kaplan btw I don’t think you knew g2g bye” I was ALL FOR Liz going to Red because SHE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HELP HIM and saying, “Red… I’m here. Come back to me. I need you to be here.” Etc. Don’t fucking get me started, I can reference a list of approximately 894 fanfics where this happens and I want to see every single one play out on screen. Anyway. In reality, it’s probably going to be an angry confrontation but I’m actually looking forward to it. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that there will be tension and anger between the two of them because of a NEW ISSUE. NO FATHER DRAMA OR “I WANT ANSWERS” BLAH BLAH this is a new thing that hasn’t been addressed before that has strong emotional connections for both of them and I’m here for that ensuing argument like

Liz: “Red, how could you?! She was only trying to help me! And she loved you! How could you not at least try to forgive her?!”

Red: “She took you from me! I almost died when I lost you and she was behind it all! I cannot forgive that, not even for her!”

Like yes. That’s some good-ass drama and some feelings may come to light and I’m here for that shit. Yes.

Anyhoo, before I get too carried away with that (even though restraint is kind of a lost cause at this point in this endless post), let’s just touch on that promo, shall we? Undercover-thief!Liz. Sign me up. That shit has potential. And with that above argument leading into Liz just snapping, “I’m going undercover. Don’t try to contact me. I think it’s best that we spent some time apart anyway. Goodbye Red.” And then Liz goes undercover to be a younger, hotter, more criminal Liz all while Red looks on with that anger and tension bubbling underneath and he can’t help but find himself even more hella attracted than usual to this especially sexy version of Liz that is all of a sudden a lot more like him. Yus. Gimme some of that, please and thank you. This is practically fanfiction writing itself. I have about 57 scenarios running around in my brain, half that I’ve read in fanfic already and half that I definitely want to read asap. Example: Red not listening to Liz and bursting in on the undercover scene and taking out his frustration with her by introducing himself as her bf or husband or some kind of sexual relation and they get rid of some of that tension by acting sexy for the others cause they gotta sell that fake relationship so Liz doesn’t get made, right? No I don’t have a favorite trope of course not why do you ask Anyway, what I’m saying is this could actually go somewhere, ya know? I’m kinda excited.

Sooooo believe it or not, I will watch next week and hopefully enjoy it. Here’s hoping for a good time. Also PLEASEEEEE for the love of god please let this spawn some undercover-thief!Liz and interfering-criminal!Red sexy fanfic. Please. Okay, thanks bye.

(Also, if you made it to the end of this shit-ass post, you deserve an award. K.)