#but like... sometimes i need to google my own shit bc Tumblr's search is so bad lmaooo

[kindahoping4forever]

do u think Ashton ever goes like: "Damn, I wanna find this picture of myself but i don't have it in my own phone, might as well try to find it on the net" and then he goes and searches and there it is, in This Blog, with added humorous commentary in the tags? That's something that could happen yk

My question is: do you think he'd block my blog immediately or bookmark it for the next time he needs an ego boost? 😂

[somecunttookmyurl]

Hi sorry to bother you, but I just saw your post about not metabolising medication properly, I was trying to track back to any other mention of it on your blog to find out more because that is ringing a lot of bells with me and I didn't know it was a thing that could happen (I'm not jumping to conclusions I'm just curious), I'm chronically impossible to medicate (presumably what you mean by "Drug Goblin") so I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the specific thing you're talking about? I tried doing straight to ye olde Google but without a decent starting point I just get vague anecdotal articles </3

oh no worries about not finding it i never tag anything and tumblr's search function is an eldrich horror that's not on you in the slightest

the basics of it (this is very simplified and i'm happy to send papers but they are like. pretty technical which involves "learning what all the words mean first")

- there's a bunch of different enzyme pathways in the liver. just so many.

- different drugs will be processed along different pathways. most drugs only go one way, but some take multiple routes and split off. paracetamol (acetiminophin) for example uses... iirc... three? so some of it goes there, some goes there, and some fucks off over there.

- the normal amount of functional copies of any of these things is 2. and 2 is what the vast majority of people have. if you've got 2 copies then the drugs that ride that highway work broadly as expected. like you know all the "starts working in x time, lasts this long" stuff? based on the normal range

- for any given one of those, it's possible to have 1 (or even 0) functional copies, or 3 (or more) copies. if you have fewer functional copies then your metabolism is slower. the drug sticks around longer, and will have a more pronounced effect. as such, you would need a lower dose. also your toxic dose level would be lower

- if you have 3 (or more) you metabolise faster. as i'm sure you can guess, that means it's processed too quickly and there is less effect because it's been yeeted out at the speed of sound. you need higher doses, administered more often. which is problematic for your poor kidneys who regrettably still have to deal with it.

- all of these enzymes can be either inhibited (metabolism slowed) or induced (metabolism sped up) by various substances. this is, primarily, what drug interaction warnings are. if drug a is inhibiting the enzyme used by drug b, you could have a problem on your hands

- for most though that list is pretty extensive! as such "defects" on most of them don't really go noticed so much because you're probably fixing it by accident by, like, drinking coffee or whatever

- however Local Problematic Bastard known as P450 CYP2D6 (i know. super catchy) is almost entirely genetic - meaning the list of external things that can either inhibit or induce it is fucking tiny

- unfortunately, Local Problematic Bastard P450 CYP2D6 is where an awful lot of very common drugs like to hang out. so if you've got too many functional copies of it there's a whole bunch of shit that Don't Work So Good and your ability to fix it is, uh, limited

- in the general population being an ultra-rapid metaboliser is pretty uncommon. worldwide it's something like 7% and in white people it's 1-2%. however for reasons that are still unclear, people with chronic pain (notably EDS but also stuff like fibromyalgia) have a frankly stupid 70-80% chance of something in there being broken in some way

- which is a fucking cruel joke bc Most Goddamn Painkillers chill on CYP2D6 If you look up CYP2D6 on wiki there's an (incomplete) list of substrates, inhibitors, and inducers. substrates are the drugs that are metabolised along it. if you read the substrate list like "wait a minute... this is all the shit that doesn't fucking work unless i practically OD on purpose" then my apologies but also same and i hate it

anyway a while back i had the thought "what if i added an inhibitor to biohack my own goddamn liver and make it talk to meth properly" which i studied with CBD (one of the few inihibitors that aren't obscure prescription drugs) and spoiler alert: yes. yes you fuckin' can. (i did research this extensively before trying and human studies on the exact same theory have been done before and the results were positive in all but one person, and that's only because that person had an adverse side effects to the inhibitor and had to drop out)

this is something that can only be properly officially verified with a genetic test but sometimes shit be So Blatantly Obvious you don't need to prove it.

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

[xuune]

oh wow i haven’t been on tumblr in so long bc mobile is shit but how tf did i forget abt ur art ??? fukcin blows me away wow. any tips on anatomy for a rly bad artist? ik practice, but i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(

yeah lol mobile on tumblr sucks major ass now. i cant even publish drafts on there. and im in the same boat wiht you on anatomy lmao. it might look like i know what im doing, but sometimes not really. maybe im just good at deceiving ppl on the way i draw when its kinda inaccurate 

anyway, i also struggle with never really composing the shit i want, and even i tell myself to go practice anatomy but im never really granted a lot of time in my life, so i gotta make use of whatever i can find whenever i draw.

this post is actually long, so if you just want anatomy resources, you can check these out:

stuff that i made tutorials/tips on: torso/hands/pose

these are all very condensed tutorials/tips, so a lot of this is just collection of stuff that i’ve learned/noticed from others. this might be helpful, but idk man 

here’s a list of other resources for anatomy/any other refs 

this one was mentioned in the list, but its easily looked over: posemaniacs, it has different modes you can try out (timed/casual study), and its good for practicing foundations in anatomy. i paid more attention to this one when i saw a twitter post of it  

bodies in motion is a site you can also use. it has a catalog of images to see people acting something out, and you get to see all the frames of it occurring. even though you’re just looking at images, its still a reference to learn how arms, legs, or torsos move B^) its a good way to pay attention to the smaller details like the various muscles in bodies 

and honestly, check out what other ppl say too. there’s a lot of artists out there who might’ve already wrote some shit that i mentioned or have new info that i never thought about. just type in “anatomy/art tips” into any kind of search bar and you’re sure to find something useful at some point. but main takeaway i really want you to have is to seriously study from life. dont do it based on memory or anything. there’s no other general advice that i can really give besides 1) practice 2) study from life 3) dont stress out and take your time. if you want me to give a specific tip/tutorial on a body part, i can try, but the amount of depth i can give is really based on my own knowledge of it 

now for the 2nd part of this post: 

COMPOSING SHIT OR MAKING STUFF LOOK LIKE WHAT YOU EXPECTED IT TO LOOK LIKE: 

“i get so frustrated when it doesn’t look like what i see in my head :(“

i suck at it, whoever is reading this prob sucks at it (and they secretly know it too) we all gotta start somewhere. you’re kinda asking for composing stuff while also anatomy tips, but its kinda broad, so lemme mention something about composition:

use perspective grids or at least practice using them first. the best way to understand how things are supposed to look is also based around the way you’re trying to see it in, like a certain angle of some sort. here, lemme give an example where i drafted a sketch a lot: 

ok cool, got a pose i want, got the general idea, niiiiiiiiiceee. but i didnt think it was good enough, but i still managed to plan out a pose anyway with that grid on the bottom. it helped me gain a focus on how these characters were supposed to lay down on the ground, but it still wasnt good enough yet. character on top was facing their right instead of the person in front of them, which wasnt what i wanted. 

then i sketched it again. this time the “camera” of the scene was more based around the front of the characters rather than the side, and now the character is looking at the person below them. but wait, it wasnt good enough yet. i didnt like how relaxed their position looked. 

i changed the position of the character to make it seem more convincing that they were pressing hard into the ground and possibly sneering at the person below them. they held dominance over the person simply based on the way theyre positioned in the scene. the way people move suggests a lot about what is happening in the scene and what might be apparent about their character. i was able to make a pose i wanted with the help of a perspective grid, and it really does help at times. use perspective grids to help you out with making anatomy. also, dont forget that what you learn from simply observing how bodies work can help you out with giving clues to how the bodies should look at a certain angle

but am i a master at using perspective grids? no, lol. i always have to make several perspective grids while i draw as a way to convince myself that i really am drawing my shit right. 

some of the resources i listed lean into something related to perspective, so there’s that. there’s definitely tutorials out there to understand how to use perspective grids, so i suggest you search those up too. there’s a program called carapace thats specific for creating perspective grids, but im not sure where the original download site is, but if you want to know what it looks like or where to download it, google is your friend. if you use digital media and your drawing software offers a perspective grid function, then i highly suggest you learn how to use it. 

i wouldnt say that there’s a specific thing you need to learn first (i.e. learning perspective before anatomy), but if you want to just simply learn how to draw anatomy, then go ahead and find whatever you can. if you wanna create some cool ass poses with some interesting perspective shots, then take what you learn from anatomy and apply it to how you practice your perspective shots or vice versa. there’s a lot of variety in what you can do and how you can do it simultaneously with something else to learn something out of it B^) 

[1000-directions]

30 questions

i got tagged FROM THE FUTURE by @dearmrsawyer did you know that it is already tomorrow there?? (spoiler alert)

(i think someone else tagged me for this pretty recently, but i can’t remember who, i’m sorry!!!!!!! sorry if i end up retagging you for this like an idiot 😩)

1. Nicknames? steph is really my only nickname 2. Gender? girl 3. Star Sign? aquarius 4. Height? 5'5 5. Time? 10:18pm 6. Birthday? january 22 YEAH ME AND FREDDIE TOMLINSON ARE BIRTHDAY NEIGHBORS 🤗🤗 7. Favorite bands? one direction, niall’s band, louis’ band, harry’s band. uh. i don’t listen to much else anymore. i was really, really into tegan and sara for very many years. 8. Favorite solo artists? louis tomlinson. niall horan. bebe rexha. ME. i love my own music, that’s why i wrote it, sorry not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 9. Song stuck in my head? miss you by louis is the only song i can remember for the foreseeable future <-- this is jamila’s answer and also my answer and also the only acceptable answer 10. Last movie you watched? i’ve been on a marvel kick the last few days. i liked spider-man: homecoming the most, but captain america: civil war is the one i watched most recently. 11. Last show you watched? um i’ve watched 47 episodes of “agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.” in six days, sooooo let’s hear it for unemployment tbh 12. When did you create your blog? my first post is dated november 26, 2016 WHOOPS MISSED MY ANNIVERSARY 13. What do I post? mostly one direction (mostly louis). fic recs, and sometimes even fic that i wrote. i like to reblog illustrations of positive animals giving encouragement. i like science stuff and underwater animals and sometimes but not always anatomy. crafts. pictures of things with bisexual colors. 14. Last thing I googled? "cranberry bog” bc i wanted to find a picture of them to show jamila, but they were all so awesome i couldn’t pick just one. HEY, if you don’t know how cranberries grow, do a google image search for cranberry bog, that shit is wild. 15. Do you have any other blogs? nope 16. Do you get asks? i do <3 i get prompts, which i always read and think about and save, and i’m gonna get around to all of them eventually, i hope!!!! i get some anons about elounor and lad and dad stuff. lately i have a generous anon who gives me presents <3 17. Why did you choose your url? i was 1000_[something elses] in a lot of different places, and when i made my ao3 account, i needed to choose a name i would remember but didn’t want it to be the same as my previous usernames, bc i do want my 1d life to be separate from my real life and also my other internet presences. and then i made this url to match that name, although i’m REAL MAD that tumblr forces me to have a hyphen instead of an underscore and THEN makes it so you can’t track tags that have hyphens?????? so dumb. 18. Following? 105 19. Followers? more than 105, less than 500 20. Favorite colors? green! G R E E N. i like grey and light purple, too. 21. Average hours of sleep? lately, too many. i was back to a pretty decent sleep schedule for like a week, but it’s been really, really bad since thanksgiving, especially the last few days.  22. Lucky number? 22, which is also the number of this question, wow 😱 23. Instruments? guitars and keyboards 24. What am I wearing? black yoga pants from target, which have basically become my uniform, and a grey tanktop 25. How many blankets do I sleep with? right now three bc i’m too cheap to turn my heat on and it’s fucking cold. normally, only like one thin blanket bc i am always hot and sweaty >:/ 26. Dream job? louis tomlinson’s pa so i could get him coffee every day and he’d be forced to tell me what he gets from starbucks 27. Dream vacation? i wanna go to australia so so so bad, and i have for years. i wanna go to kangaroo island and tasmania and sydney and melbourne and i wanna eat a pavlova and a passionfruit and i wanna hang out with jamila. i am also really excited about going to red rocks and meeting everyone, by which i mean i am terrified about it to the point that i start crying if i think about it too much bc i’m so worried no one will like me in person lolol mental health is awesome guys 28. Favorite food? pierogies, vegetarian matzo ball soup, thanksgiving leftovers all piled in the same bowl, chips and guac with frozen margaritas and a good friend to talk with 29. Nationality? american. i had a hungarian grandmother and a russian grandfather, and then i’m polish on the other side but they came to the US like many generations ago. 30. Favorite song right now? i love one (1) song

tagging: @sarcathlon @nocontrolforlouis @niallspringsteen @alligatornyc @nothanksweregood @oopsi1d-ditagain @flora-flauna