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1425fivefive · 2 days ago

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✨ kink prompt fic retrospective ✨

over the past eight-ish days, i've been cranking out kink prompt fics. i've finally reached a point where i feel ready to take a break and wanted to post a little retrospective about what i wrote to help me reflect!

total kink prompt fics completed: 26 | word count: 36,569

pairings i wrote for the first time: oscarmark, norstappen, dando, nortrell

favorite fic: norstappen + virginity

i honestly adore this one. i tried to lean hard into the quintessential sex-experienced king/virginal new spouse, while subverting some of the tropes i don't love and still making it hot. i tried to make max give lando some agency despite the constrains of the genre and i genuinely think the fic is hotter because of that. when i wrote the line about lando "taking his own virginity" i think i might've briefly blacked out. i also just threw in every single thing i find hot: piercings, small dicks, virginity kinks, multiple orgasms. like it was just my most self-indulgent delightful fic

(honorable mentions for favorite fic: carcar + piercings, oscarmark + chastity, and nortrell + cockwarming)

hardest fic to write: charlando + chastity/forced orgasm

as a general rule, i don't really like pain. like i'm much more into the dominance/submission aspect of bdsm, rather than the sadism/masochism aspect. i also love when both partners are very enthusiastically into the sex they're having, and this fic has a decent amount of visceral pain and ambiguous consent. i wrote this because i really wanted to write something that made me uncomfortable but it also made me so stressed out that i had to decompress immediately after by taking a shower. i think it works as the type of fic i set out to write, but it's not one that i think i'll return to a lot just because of how visceral it feels

favorite pairing to write: oscarmark

this one shocked me but i loved writing oscar and mark's whole weird thing. i loved mark's pervy old man vibe where he's mean but not cruel with oscar. i loved oscar getting off on the power dynamics of it all. i really like mark's vague thing with seb haunting the backgrounds of these fics, and mark seeing oscar as this blushy young thing reminiscent of seb but also not. i feel like i've become an oscarmark convert in the span of four kink fics

pairings i wish i'd written: galex, gax, alex/franco, lando/franco, max f/oscar, max f/lando/oscar, maxiel

i think in hindsight i was overly cautious about the pairings i said i'd write. i was so scarred from someone asking me for glance once that i stuck to pairings i knew i could do decently well. but then i kept wishing for new pairings! i think if i did this again i'd ask for people to send basically any pairing they want

kink i came around to: omorashi

i included a few kinks on the kink list just because i was curious to see whether i could write them well despite them not being kinks of mine (breeding, omorashi, sounding). but omorashi... i came around... i think what i really like about it is the desperation and shame surrounding it. like i could take or leave the piss aspect itself, but i like the emotions and dynamics it allows me to explore. it's sort of the same reason i like cock cages (another kink that's an avenue to explore desperation and shame)

hardest kink to write: breeding

i really, really thought breeding was synonymous with creampie. it is not! and i have a severe fear of pregnancy! so that was a harrowing discovery once i'd already gotten ten asks for breeding. but i forced myself to push through and wrote landoscar + breeding. i'm actually delighted with how the fic came out and i think it only worked because they're both cis men so any pregnancy was purely fantasy

thing that surprised me: giving everyone pussies

i literally don't know what came over me, but for like five fics in a row i was just giving everyone vaginas. like why did lando, oscar, and max all need vaginas? i think i was just so bored of writing the word cock over and over again and describing blowjobs that i just wanted to do something different. also... why did i write not one but two fics about people being fucked in the ass while begging to be fucked in their pussies? it genuinely doesn't even do all that much for me but i was really milking that concept for a bit there

kinks i wish i'd written: exhibitionism, sloppy seconds, cnc, public sex

generally, i think the kinks i wrote ended up being quite tender and... timid? i was one of the earlier writers doing kink prompts and i honestly just wasn't sure what the boundaries were for rancidness. i was sort of afraid people would be turned off if i went too hard. but now i wish i'd done some harder kinks (i ended up turning forced orgasm into sex slavery just because i was yearning for something more fucked-up). also i just really wanted to write a norstappen + exhibitionism sequel to my norstappen + virginity fic where max fucks lando on a throne... unfortunately it will only exist in my mind

favorite part of the process: i loved getting to write new pairings and kinks in a relatively low-stakes space! it was so amazing getting reblogs and asks saying that i'd maybe awoken a new kink in people. and i loved seeing so many other writers start doing kink prompts because of mine (even though other writers were also doing it before me!!) every time someone sends me an ask about my silly little kink prompts, i am the happiest girl in the world! the community of it all has really moved me

hardest part of the process: i got really burnt out near the end of writing orgasms. like there was just something so copy-paste about writing orgasms and i simply did. not. care. i also started getting bored with very traditional, more tender bdsm stuff (begging, multiple orgasms, handcuffs) and just, like, wanted something weird. which is why landoscar + selfcest and landoscar + sounding were so delightful to me!

concepts that are haunting me

older oscar domming younger oscar

chastity belt consort lando

bunny hybrid oscar pissing himself

evil prince!charles

how much i like writing pervy old man mark

the implication of seb orgasm denialing himself to win championships

oscar's pierced clit

max buying the latex sheet so he and oscar could engage in more piss play

the entire sounding fic

conclusion

i'm so glad i decided to do this. it was so much fun seeing people's reactions to fics and helping start a freaky moment on the dash! i received so many lovely messages from people about how they felt like my writing about sex was really free of shame and just about, like, the joys of experimenting and learning new things about yourself through sex and it honestly made me tear up. i adore all of you and i'm so glad you all have made posting these fics genuinely some of the most fun i've had all year. this fandom really is freak4freak and i'm so glad i took the plunge and started writing this year 🥰

#kink prompts #writing meta #writing process #this was so fun ily

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frostedclock-writes · 2 days ago

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Crimson Magnolias

Part 4

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Alastor x F!Reader

Warnings: Rated R and Mature themes, one sided romance, Hanahaki disease, Ace Alastor,

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Part 3 here

How do you find yourself in situations like this?

Maybe you shouldn't panic agree to things. Why is your first trigger response being to agree to stuff? You tap your foot lightly on the floorboard of the limo. It was large inside, black velvet seats with blue threads, dark leather around the doors and then even a black privacy screen between you both and the driver. You sat across from Vox, who was dressed in a sleek cyan and deep blue suit, his vest held red accents on it. You drummed your fingers on the glass of whiskey he had handed you. Not that you were nervous to be in the limo with Vox, just your thoughts drifted to the dinner plans with Alastor. He didn't appreciate tardiness and you had rushed out so suddenly earlier.

" You look like you are doing well. Still wearing the same old style I see. " Vox swirled a clear liquor around in a martini glass, but you didn't know if it was actually gin.

" Well, it's something I'm used to. And I am doing well enough, " You make small shrug. " Though, I am not doing as well as you have been. How long has it been? Fifteen... Twenty years?"

" Twenty nine years but who is keeping track. " Vox gave a laugh, and then he set his glass down on the small table built into the armrest of the limo. " So, do you still work at that little club? What was it called.... "

" Ragtime... " Then you sigh and put a laugh on your lips. " But don't act like you don't know where I work now. Your little snake isn't very subtle. "

" That or your really observant. " He put a hand on his knee and leaned forward.

You set your glass down on the armrest table next to you. " Vox, if you just picked me up to see what Alastor is up to. You can just let me out here. I can find my way back. "

" Ahahah! " Vox bursted out with a laugh and slapped his knee. He wagged his cyan colored finger at you. " See? Always looking. Always watching, I always liked that about you. "

You cracked a small smile and hid it behind your glass as you picked it up and finally took a drink. " Well I don't know, and if that's all you were looking for. I'm quite a disappointment."

Vox waved his hand, he leaned back against the plush upholstery. " I guessed as much. " He drummed his fingers a little. " And I know better than to ask you of all people to spy on him for me. " He looked out the window for a moment, his screen reflected the sides of the street as it slowly passed. He had a slight smile. Not the usual shape grin. He looked back and put his hand out with his palms up , " Can't an old friend check in ?"

"After this long? " You chuckled. " If you really wanted to see me, you could have at any time. "

Vox made a scoff of a laugh that gave you pause. " Up until seven years ago, you were hard to get to. Without..." His cyan claw-like fingertips tapped on his glass as he picked it up. " Hmm well let's say if someone weren't on Alastor's good side, then good luck getting anywhere near you. "

You make a small laugh and roll your eyes. Finding it a bithard to believe. " You could have stopped by my house at any time. "

" Mmhmm. " Vox took a drink. " Well doesn't matter. Seems like Alastor is distracted with that, " He wiggled the fingers of his free hand. " Silly project of his."

" He says he was bored..." You glance at the time on the large clocktower as the limo crawled past it. Sixty minutes. Looks like you aren't getting shopping done. You didn't want to be late to the dinner though.

" That's not a surprise. "

You looked back to Vox, an eyebrow cocked. "Hmm?"

Vox made a shrug and then a smirk twitched alive on his screen. "Nothing. " He took another drink, he set his cup down, " Y/N, would you like to see Vee Tower? I think you would like it. It isn't anything like that filthy hotel Alastor tricked you into working at."

" He didn't trick me." You say but the sentence seemed like it was ignored. " And I would but I have plans tonight. Dinner plans with Alastor, and he wouldn't like it if I stood him up. " You make a laugh

His blue lined eye twitched a little. He seemed to force his laughter. " Right haha should have known. Alastor hasn't been back for long and you would prefer to torture yourself with his company. "

You snort a laugh and smile. " I have a feeling he would feel similar about me spending time with you. "

Vox made a light chuckle and shook his head a little. His broken antenna bounced a little. " Probably. " He shifted as the car pulled to a stop in front of the slightly gaudy tower with his brand plastered all over it with a mingle from the other Vee's. Sex and Fashion.

"Vox?" You glance out the window and then back to him.

" I was hoping to show you what I've accomplished since the last time you have seen me. I'm sure it's a step above that ratty hotel. "

You make a small sigh. " Vox, I have plans soon. I don't know if-"

He put his hand up and it gave you pause. " It will be quick. I won't show you all the floors." He gave one of those slightly cocked smiles. You look at the time. Fourty five minutes. " Come on. And I'll even drop you off back at that hotel. "

" I need to be back by five. "

Vox's smile grew wider. " Twenty minutes. In and out. "

The door was opened by what you assume was an assistant from what the fish-like young man with a earpiece and a clipboard with paper in tucked under his arm. Vox stepped out first and offered out his hand towards you as you scooted closer to the limo door. You looked at his hand then slowly put your own in his, he gently pulled you as he helped you out of the vehicle. You look up at the massive tower as you approached the steps.

Flashes of cameras took pictures of you and made you feel a bit dizzy even as Vox lead you inside and away from the commotion. Vox hadn't even spared them a glance, you assume he was used to such attention nowadays. The doors slid open and the smell of disinfectant and a faint scent that reminded you of electrical burn filled your nose.

" They are chomping at the bit, hoping to hear more about my 'Angelic Security ' that I announced. " Vox made a laugh. " This extermination business has the press crawling all over the place."

" Oh, right. I suspect your always in the spotlight now. Must get tiresome. "

" Ahaha you have no idea. "

You make a hum as he escorted you into an elevator. You pause at the door. You glance at it, it seemed newer and maybe safer - questionable- but you were still apprehensive. Vox looked at you with a cocked eyebrow for a moment but when you took a breath and stepped inside, he stood next to you. His arm was over the top of your back and a hand rested on your shoulder. The door slid closed with no noise and you only realized you had started moving when the LED display above the door began to change numbers. You clear your throat, the itch to it always present, like you always needed something to drink.

You relaxed and cursed at yourself for even being nervous. It was the Vees base of operations. It wouldn't have an elevator that could collapse at any moment. State of the art. That was usually the motto of the ads. The numbers clicked to well past twenty before it settled. The floor right below the penthouse. You werw curious as you stepped out of the elevator into what looked like it could be part of a office building but the sharpness of the decor and- is that a fucking aquarium wall?

Sharks.

"Vox."

Vox looked down at you and he had a smile on his screen. Shit eating, one might discribe it. " Y/N. "

" Did you really build an aquarium? For sharks. "

" Yes."

" What are you? Some Bond villain?" You cracked a smile as you looked at him with an accusitory look.

His screen tinted a slightly different shade of blue as he laughed. " Well I always did appreciate those men with class." He tugged his bowtie a little, tightening it.

"Well it suits you very well. "

You approached the glass and the sharks swirled around in the massive tank. A hammerhead slowly swam near the glass and looked at you with glowing red eyes. You make a small laugh, of course he upgraded them. You place your hand on the cold glass, in the reflection barely visible of Vox approaching behind you.

You felt a hand on your shoulder. " Beautiful aren't they? " Vox asked. " Always moving forward..."

" I suppose you can relate. " You chuckle and turn.

He shrugged a shoulder.

" Progress stops for no man. " Vox smiled a bit wider, it was kind of cheeky. " Would you like to feed them?"

You make a laugh. " What you got a sinner cut up in little bits just waiting in a bucket?"

Vox offered his hand out, the other tucked behind his back. " Come on, you know you want to."

You snort and take his hand. " You are still such a sap. "

Vox lead you to what you had assumed was a supply closet door but he opened it up andit lead into a large hallway with a ladder going up to the top of the tank. He lead you up to the top of the platform,it was made of steel and was quite study. There was in fact a metal bucket with pieces of meat and what might be fish of some sort inside. Must be expensive to import fish from the Envy ring, though, he probably has more money then most sinners. Perhaps Carmines were the only other rich sinners that could afford such a luxury. Vox plucked a fish from the bucket and tossed it into the water, it only took a moment for two sharks to start circling near the surface. You felt a bit nervous.

You took a few steps and then picked up a piece of what you were going to tell yourself was pork and tossed it towards the water, sharp teeth snatched it up and was beneath the surface again. Vox made a slight chuckle.

" You can come closer. Your with me, they are going to mistake you for a snack. " Vox laughed.

You moved to the edge and looked over. The expectant sharks loomed for another nibble. You made a nervous laugh and looked back to Vox. He stared into the water for a while " It's nice..."

He looked to you, tilting his screen just a little. " What is?"

" Seeing you do so well. " You smile as you shake your head. " That's all. "

" Well, I've worked hard for it. "

" I can tell. " You make a gentle sigh. " Sometimes I feel like I'm... Rooted I suppose. I just never had it in me to be cutthroat and down here , it seems like that's the way you make it anywhere. " You give a sharp look to Vox as you heard a bit of laughter.

" You have it in you. " His grin grew and he put his hand on your forearm. He chuckled again, " I once recall you-"

" Shh aph-pa-pa shush. That... That was different." Your face felt like it was heating up.

" You just need to stop holding yourself back. "

Your throat tickled a little. " I have trouble with that..."

" That's because you spend to much time with Alastor. He is allergic to progress it seems. " He hummed and then he pulled his phone out. The time flashed across the front.

Shit.

" Looks like I've kept you a tad longer then I had anticipated. Let's get you back. " Vox put his phone back in his coat pocket.

" Right. You can make it back to the hotel in ten minutes right?" You ask with a bit of a nervous laugh on your words.

" It shouldn't be trouble. "

You followed Vox back down the ladder. The walk back to the elevator went quickly and you tapped your foot a bit impatient as you began to travel down the dozens of floors down to the main lobby. Vox glanced at you out of the corner of his screen, you could feel his gaze. The doors slid open and he extended his arm as you stepped out to keep the door from closing and he slipped out behind you.

" I could give you a better tour when you have more time if you wish. Perhaps Velvette will be in a decent mood and I can introduce you to her. "

" Well as long as you don't leave me alone in a room with that Valentino, I haven't personally met him but I've heard enough to know I would rather not. "

Vox laughed and he put his arm on your shoulder as he escorted you though the crowd of journalists. " He isn't that bad... When he isn't fucking whining or in a pissy mood, which is a rare occurrence lately. Staffing issues one might say." He said it like it was an inside joke.

He opened the car door for you, and you slipped inside the limo and settled into the plush seats. Vox climbed inside next to you, and settled this time into the seat beside yours rather than across. The small table was the only thing that separated the two of you. You felt the limo start to move as soon as the door was closed behind Vox, leaving behind the assistant to deal with the slew of questions shot out like bullets towards Vox as he had gotten in.

The ride was thankfully quick, you wondered for a moment if Vox had control over the traffic lights as well as the surveillance on the streets. As the limo pulled in front of the gate of the Hotel grounds, you moved to leave the car. Vox opened the door for you and let you slip out of the limo without much difficulty, the window rolled down as the door closed.

You pause and look at Vox as he looked out of the window of the limo. " We should meet up again, catch up a little more. When you have a bit more time on your hands, of course. Just you and I and maybe some dinner?" He chuckled. " How about this weekend? Six o'clock. I'll pick you up. "

Was... Was he asking you out?

" Well uh... Maybe? " You weren't exactly sure if it was a good idea.

Vox extended a hand out of the vehicle and in his cyan fingertips was a business card. Shiny thick stock. You took it carefully, it simply had his name and a phone number on it. You look at it then back to him it's a raised eyebrow.

" Well, if you want to, just give me a call. That's my personal number so you won't get my assistant, so if I'm busy just leave me a message. "

You look at the enameled red numbers on the card. " Oh, alright. Thank you, Vox." You tuck the card in your peacoat pocket.

" Let me know. I hope to hear from you soon. "

You nod, and Vox rolled the window up. The limo slowly drove away , you watched for a moment before you turned to start ealking down the cobblestone path up to the Hotel entrance. You pause, frozen almost in your tracks. Alastor stood near the entrance of the hotel, his hands clasping the top of his microphone, his ever present smile greeted you. You slowly walked over, your stomach was doing flips. You felt guilty.

" Alastor.... "

" Ah, there you are. I was beginning to wonder where you had slipped off too, and if you would make it back for our dinner plans. Though, I didn't expect the... Company, you were keeping. " His eyebrow twitched and his smile looked more strained. Forced. He tapped the end of his microphone cane on the ground then spun on his heels." No matter! Best not let him ruin a good evening between friends. " Alastor offered his arm, you link your arm with his. His hand patted the top of yours.

" Right... " You whispered under your breath.

You felt like you might vomit.

Taglist: @boldlyenchantingfox22 @sirens-and-moonflowers @kerosene--lamp @girl-nahh-two @phoephan-123 @l3rittany

#hazbin hotel #hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #alastor x you #hazbin hotel x reader #hanahaki disease #crimson magnolias #hazbin hotel vox

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sawnickrings · 3 days ago

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2024 art recap

My favorite piece from each month! I can't say I've grown much over the past year, but perhaps a little. Open the post to see my reflection on each piece. 💙

Tw for first two months mentions of $H

January

This was the only thing I could find from January, since my old phone got busted and all the dates on my photos got messed up. But luckily I really like it anyway so I guess it's my favorite of the month by default! During this time I was still battling with s3lf harm and so this character was supposed to represent that. Yes it's edgy, no I wouldn't have picked this one if I had any other image from January. This one was also very experimental, I've used this brush a grand total of 1 time other than this one. I felt it fit the aesthetic.

February

Again, this period was sort of like the dark ages in the fact that most of my images got screwed with after switching phones, so I don't have many drawings that I know were from February. However, this one again is a favorite of mine in general so it's not so bad. This is the only other time I used that brush. I also created this character as a sort of way to cope with my s3lf harm urges, except she's far older than the last one. This image doesn't feature it, but they have lots of scars and often open/bandaged self-inflicted wounds due to how their power works, which is blood manipulation. Again, edgy as all get-out.

March

I'm not super happy with some aspects of this but I worked really hard on it. This is a character of mine that I didn't design but still cherish lots. Her name is Coralina or just Coral for short. You'll see her again soon.

April

Once again I could not find much for April, but luckily I remembered that I did a bunch of chalk stuff at a school event that month and this one is both relevant to my blog and one of my favorites. I did a good ring too but that's in a different image.

May

This was something I designed as a contest entry that I don't believe I won so as far as I know it's my character now. I think the spots on the tail clash with the gradient but oh well.

June

There were a lot of good options for this month since I got back into commissions and art trades, but there's something about this one that I especially like. It's not fancy or anything but it showcases my style well.

July

Artfight season! Surprisingly this wasn't an attack but rather a character I made specifically for Artfight. They're based off of Miracle Musical's album Hawaii: Part II. I'm really proud of the design but I haven't really done anything with him since besides a couple drawings.

August

Here she is again! I used this image a lot to show an example of my work when offering art trades. I think I made it with that in mind? It's hard to remember. But anyway, here she is again! Plus one of my sonas, Pop Rocks!! I love her to bits. I originally made her as an adoptable that I traded to someone else, but I regretted it later and luckily my friend got her back for me! I have so many drawings of that little goofball but this is my favorite.

September

There are absolutely parts of this that suck balls but there are parts that I really like too. And I remember enjoying drawing it. This was for an art trade.

October

During this time I made matching bust drawings of all the 10 main characters from my comic. (calling it a comic is a bit of a stretch, I only have 2 chapters drawn and it's been well over a year (maybe two?) since I've touched those pages) Although I've made next to no progress on actual pages, I draw the characters often and love them with all my heart. I especially like how this one turned out.

November

At the time of drawing this I hadn't practiced drawing ferals in ages, so I was very worried about the result, but it turned out better than I could have imagined! This was another art trade, and I love the character design so much!!

December

And now we're here! I've been doing more scenes recently with my fanart, but I just love how Sonic turned out in this one so I had to include it. It almost doesn't look like my art, though the hands give it away. At first I wasn't impressed with how Shadow was looking but it's grown on me. ❤️🖤

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eleventhhourfactor · 2 days ago

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First day of 2025 has been good so far. So good, in fact, that I've decided to actually make a self-reflection/look to the future post, as much as I'm trying not to be vain.

Anyway...2024. There was a lot happening there.

If we're looking at Tumblr alone, it's pretty clear that this was the year that solidified Mario and Luigi as a hyperfixation for me. Helped along by the mutuals I made along the way, I turned out a lot of stories for AO3--moreso than I'd ever done for any other fandom prior to this. It's...mindblowing, honestly. Just the year before, I'd written and deleted my works after becoming convinced that it wouldn't amount to anything and ought as well not be out there. It was a pattern I longed to break, and I think I've finally cracked it, and I've never been happier to put myself out there and be cringe and free.

The rest of 2024 was a hell of a lot of change for me--mostly good. I moved across the country, started writing for another company, found another special interest in the form of Mario RPGs. I also realized that a load of my extended family have garbage takes, and that I alone can't fix that for them. My cat needed teeth taken out, my car got hit by a delivery truck in the parking lot, and I got holed up at my in-laws' house with the flu on Christmas Day. I'm still trying to make real-life friends, which seems to be an outstanding issue for little ol' me. Outside of college, I've never been great at making and keeping friends.

But I do have my network, without which I wouldn't have been able to publish a story, plan a big move, or even doodle on occasion. And you, dear mutuals and others, are a part of that, I've come to realize. It's stupid and corny, but there's something really neat about going to the internet and nerding out about things through headcanon posts, fabulous art, and wonderfully-written tales. What's even crazier is what fanwork can drive me to do in my original little things.

So, for 2025, along with some outstanding fics I need to wrap up and work on, I also want to put some work and effort into fleshing out a long-running project of mine: the world of Astrara, the worldhoppers moving throughout, and the threads of the universe tying it all together. There's characters I've been bouncing around in my skull for nearly a decade now, and it's about time I clear the sad lack of confidence from my space and actually draw them to the life they deserve. Might I make a comic? Who knows. For the next year, I just want to draw my little dudes until I run out of pencils, and then scan it in and color digitally. I want to make more art, and I want to write out the story of Lenora, Aylín, and their absolutely batshit journey to find their way home. Or at least, get the bullet points down and go from there.

It's crazy, but I thought turning out over a dozen fanfics was insane as well, and look where I'm at. Anything can happen. The spark has caught aflame. I want to keep creating. For the first time ever, I want to keep going with whatever the heck I've got going instead of letting it sit while I grind to live.

So, follow me as I get this going. See how far I go or fall short. Maybe ask me some more about what exactly I'm working on. I'd love to brainstorm and share and get others interested, too.

A bit of insurance in the form of doodles. Lenora on the left, Aylín on the right. One's being careful, the other wants to fight.

Kinda funny how much I project onto my own little stories.

Thank you all for sticking with me. Sorry this turned from reflection to a bit of narcissist goal-setting, but I've never felt so set on a creative goal before. This project means a lot to me and my growth over time, and without stepping out and meeting you all, I'd never be able to do this. So, thank you for being there, and I hope I've been able to do half as much for you.

Under the cut special! Sending love to all the people who keep me going on here. Like, y'all are so great. You are all great people.

So, mutuals and creators I admire (as well as my frens), this one's for you:

@giddlygoat @peaches2217 @snakeeyesdraws @bberetd @itsavee4117 @silenzahra @silksongmaiden @fyreburning @akiiame-blog @megamagimugi @supergay-64 @artizonka @rainbogen @loud-kid2 @@diamondempp @dooxliss @lu1g199 @laatgag @moriouchou-radio @thegravityshark @gustygardns @vulpixfairy1985 @vbnhuet

#factor rants #factor gets old #new year 2025 #astrara #original character #original art #lenora #aylín

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glassgulls · 1 day ago

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OK! So now I've read and digested the chapter I just wanted to point out some things that made me cry and scream.

Amy was shaking in the bathroom, unable to control the emotions that were flooding her. She couldn’t face the mirror and turned away, feeling the tears begin to fall. They had been relentless the last six weeks. And after she had been faced with three positive pregnancy tests and then been pushed away again by Lucas, that huge, gaping hole in her gut had grown exponentially. It was overpowering her now, rendering her broken.

I love how visceral you are able to convey characters feelings, the sheer panic and despair that Amy must feel mixed with the joy I can't even imagine what that would do to you mental and physically. Especially with the heightened emotion of hormones in the mix. I can feel the empty feeling in her gut, that feeling of rejection from the one person you had that finally saw you as you and accepted everything the good and bad. Then to have that ripped away from you, to have the one person walk away seemingly not wanting to fight for you? And when you are at your most vulnerable? I would just fall apart then and there.

Even her dreams reflected her deep longing for him, and the emptiness that was dragging her down, pulling her into a black sea of nothingness. Upon waking she would remember shards of her dreams in which she was calling for him, crying out, begging. And when she woke, she would feel tears clinging to her cheeks.

Even in dreams the torment Amy feels is so heartbreaking. You always feel like when you sleep you're finally able to retreat from the world and your pain. I feel I'm there with her, lying there feeling like my world is being swept away. The description of the black sea of emptiness dragging her down hit me so much and her remembering that she was calling out to Lucas, crying and begging him but there's only that void. I honestly just want to hug her, Amy seems to think that she's not strong but to go through that, to feel that complete heartache but keep going she's so resilient. The sense of building pressure of despair you craft with Amy's thoughts and feelings both emotional and physical are so perfect. Ugh my heart just bleeds for her so much I want to just hold her hand and comfort her. I hope one day I can create such a real and relatable character like with Amy.

A tightness was growing in Amy’s chest now, that sensation which had been a friend of hers since Lucas left her life. She woke up with it every morning now, sometimes accompanied with a tension headache and a sense of dread at facing a new day.

The way you describe that feeling of dread at facing a new day was such a gut punch to me. I think we all can admit to ourselves that we have felt like that. I love the description of that tightness in her chest, again you build the sense of anxiousness, that stress and pressure that's simmering in her. Uuuuugh it's so beautifully angsty!

“I know, and I’ve told him that. By your parents and Lucas protecting you, they’re suffocating you. We’ve all got to make our own way in life sooner or later. I’ve made enough of my own choices in life, some good and some bad. I know full well that this job comes with risk to those you love. I lost someone I loved through it.”

This, this right here is why we all need a Ros. I absolutely LOVE her dynamic with Amy. She's the only one who actually makes Amy decide what AMY wants to do. To encourage Amy to make her own decisions, to give her advice but not pressure Amy one way or another. Sharing that wisdom Ros has learned about the job and life that comes with it but be realistic, not sugar coat or doom say it. I think with Ros gentle guidance Amy can finally see herself as the world does a powerful and capable woman.

Then Amy heard it: the first actual sound of her baby’s heartbeat. Amy smiled, staring at the screen, looking at the moving mass. Sharon held Amy’s hand, watching her daughter’s face as it lit up for the first time in six weeks since being home in Coventry.

I love the perspective of Sharon here, holding her daughters hand and seeing her come back to life again hearing the baby's heartbeat. I can see the way Amy is looking in my head with the way you describe it there's always such cinematic quality to it. I can see it on the screen so clearly. I can see Amy's first smile in weeks as she looks at the screen, that little bit of hope in Amy with that smile.

Would Lucas want to know the sex of their child? He should have been here, but Amy couldn’t stand the idea of him being half in and half out, having to see him at scans but not being able to go home with him. Everything at the moment was a mixture of emotion, and it was confusing. One minute she was sad, the next angry. The grief of an ended relationship, and the anger of Lucas making the decision he had, alternated frequently, like a whirlwind.

In the car and Amy sat in the passenger seat, her thumb trailing the curve of the baby’s head. “Should I send a copy to Lucas?” she asked absently.

“I still think it’s best he has no part in this,” Sharon hissed. “We’ll all pull together as a family, we always do.”

Ok I think this is such a brilliant mix of emotion! The way you convey such realness at the confusion at excitement and mourning. The frustration that the decision had been made for Amy yet again without her say so. Sharon's lack of understanding of what Amy actually wants. And I do love that Sharon's attitude, even though it could be perceived as meanness, it's purely done out of love and wanting to protect her child and grandchild. It's done out of what Sharon thinks will keep Amy and the baby safe. But it's at this point we can see that Amy isn't a child anymore. Yes Amy might want advice but Amy needs to spread her own wings and at some point just like Amy is now you start to create your own little family outside of the parental unit. I think Sharon is brilliant complex character, she's not this villain trying to intentionally hurt Amy by keeping her apart from Lucas but this desperate mother fighting off any potential threat of harm.

Over a hundred miles away, in London, Lucas sat at the dining room table. He stared at the wall, the lifeless atmosphere of the place seeping into every fibre of his being. Three and a half months now he had lived by himself, haunted by Amy. Every inch of the place reminded him of her. After all, it was her flat originally. Living with her had been bliss; he would kiss her on his way out of the door, or at the main door to their office as they travelled in, pining for the end of the day when he would see her again.

I know I keep saying this but I love the way you can describe a scene so clearly without overselling it. I can see Lucas sitting there bleakly in that flat the colour of life drained out of him with the contrast to him reliving his life filled in memory with light. You've created this atmosphere of him sitting here alone feels so cold and devoid of any warmth.

He thought of Amy, imagining her sitting in the garden, holding a baby on her lap, reading her old battered copy of The Hobbit, with a warm sun high in the sky. He had given her the ultimate gift, the one thing she had wanted for a while now, but he couldn’t enjoy it with her. Lucas knew she would be an amazing mother; doting, kind, eager to play and re-live her own childhood through their little one.

I see the little nod with the book madam! It's so heartbreaking to see the process of him totally breaking down and giving up. To see him torment himself with the life that he's always wanted but feels he's not allowed.

Work seemed to be the only thing that got Lucas through each day, making him soldier on in this empty existence. It felt like being back in prison. Rather than being locked in a cell, he was locked in loneliness within his own mind. Memories of Amy were all around him. Would he ever be able to let go? The more he pondered on that fact, the more he knew the answer. The years Lucas had spent with Elizabeta had revolved around their work as operatives, and upon his return to the UK from Russia, their temporary ties were still work-based, her being his handler. The months with Sarah were, again, work-based. Everything revolved around MI5. Amy was so different. Their relationship had been built away from work, despite work being the thing that was constantly pushing them toward breaking point. Their love for each other was almost innocent, pure. It didn’t revolve around necessity.

Again this was so wonderfully descriptive of Lucas's life being so cold and grey without Amy. Going through the motions of routine to get through the day. It's so heartrending to see him turn in on himself, it's interesting to see how the way his past relationships contrast so sharply with his and Amy's. I love the way you let us see underneath Lucas's MI5 mask. For us to see him compare and coming to realise what it was that he actually wanted in a relationship. That with Amy she saw him as the man outside of MI5. That all she wanted was him the man, not what she could get out of him with MI5 and had no ulterior motives.

Lucas even made himself feel the pain of showers, turning on the fast jet of water so he could be taken back to his days of torture in Lushanka. Re-live the waterboarding, where ice cold water was thrown over him as he begged for mercy and tried desperately to hold onto the information the Russians so badly wanted. He deserved the pain and the anguish. Beneath the water he shivered and wept, waiting and wishing for everything to end. Then maybe upon his deathbed, he could at least see her one last time in his moments of euphoria.

That night and he sat on the edge of the bed, downing whiskey from the bottle. He rubbed his stubbled chin and stared aimlessly through the gloom.

Tears trickled down Lucas’ cheek as he picked up his phone, and for the first time in months, he sent a single message to Amy. The alcohol had worn his inhibitions right down.

I love you.

Ok this section was so utterly bleak and my heart was bleeding for Lucas. Him showering to essentially self harm was so gut wrenching. You delivered his complete falling apart with such a brilliant punch. There's no heavy handedness and brash it's a deliberate careful trickle to this crescendo of how far he has fallen into despair to the image of him sitting on the bed drunk and at the end of his tether. The ultimate broken man, with the only thing in his head to just reach out to Amy. Those three words are so simple but they packed such a kick it was brilliantly written.

A short time later and Amy was staring at a letter she had left on her parents’ dining table. She had explained that she needed to go back to London and was taking the next available train out to London Euston. Amy knew her parents would go absolutely ballistic, especially her mum. But there was no way she could let Lucas remain alone and suffer.

He deserved peace; after all, he put his life on the line daily to protect the UK public. Of course he deserved some peace. She wanted to embrace him, comfort him, just be there and hold him during his dark hours.

This was such a huge turning point for me seeing Amy's character development. Amy taking that stand to do what she thought was the right thing to do by her family. That fear of what her Mum would say but still taking that brave plunge to be there for Lucas. And the way you are able to show Amy's pure love for Lucas. To reinforce the fact that Amy just wants to see him safe, to see him happy. Before we have seen Lucas taking charge or the relationship and being the protector but Amy does it with quiet grace and strength it's beautiful.

It was her original flat keys; two of them held together on a ring. One got her through the front door into the lobby area, and the other got her into the flat itself. Why had she kept them all this time? Was it because she always knew she would one day be going back?

HELLO FATE! Showing up and giving a little nudge!

For a second, she placed her hand on her bump and smiled.

We’re going to see your daddy.

I was smiling ear to ear at this bit, head in hands grinning like a big idiot cheering Amy on.

The last time she had been in London and it had been cold, but now it was mild, a sure sign of spring. It was just after six in the evening when she made it to her old building and looked at the familiar sight. Sadness rose in her chest and she thought back on the day she had moved in, nervous at the prospect of a new beginning. Now she had another new beginning on the horizon, one that involved a new person, a new life.

I thought this was such a beautiful sense of the passing of time, again it's so cinematic. That sense of the seasons changing around them as they go through the ups and downs (and shooting and kidnapping!) I loved the contrast of the new beginnings for Amy, it was so bittersweet but that hope you build into it. It's a new start in a phase of her life I thought it was so poignant that Amy returning with this new sense of discovery about herself in that she is out to take that new horizon and shape it for herself and her new family.

Amy let herself into the main front entrance of the building, and then walked down the corridor to flat number three. With a deep breath, she knocked, waiting for a response.

THE. CLIFFHANGER. MADAM! I BLOODY took a deep breath at this as she knocked on the door! Damn, I fucking love the pace you've created in this and the journey your showed Amy and Lucas going through. Both with the utter heartbreak and despair at losing each other. Amy with the rejection and confusion that Lucas is not seeming to fight for her and the utter terror that she is alone. But bloody Hell she keeps going, and pushing herself forward despite not knowing what direction to go in. But with Ros's little nudge Amy's is standing up and fighting for what SHE wants. AMY is making that decision! Taking that chance which must be terrifying. And MAN it's so satisfying and exciting to see her on that journey.

And Lucas we see him completely falling apart and it was so interesting to see him (through Amy's eyes) as the strong confident person of MI5 actually just as vulnerable and desperate. And I know Amy wants someone to fight for her and maybe that person is also herself that need to do that fighting for herself if that makes sense? The character development and to see her grow as a person has been such a wonderful rollercoaster. It's felt so natural with the pacing. And we see that Lucas is now in desperate need for someone to fight for him and Amy is that strength and has always been with her selfless love and dedication to him and his happiness. With Lucas you can see that with his past relationships did they really see him as the Lucas North the man not Lucas North MI5? Amy did. I love the contrast between them from the beginning and now. Amy standing on her own two feet scared but not backing down and facing her life head while Lucas from the confident MI5 agent to Lucas the man lost in wanting the one thing he feels he shouldn't be allowed to have, a family and life.

I hope what I've written makes sense I just wanted to share my thoughts and how much joy and heartache it's been watching their journey together. I'm so hyped and nervous about where you are going to take them next @fizzyxcustard!

Covert Eyes (25)

Masterlist of fan fiction

Fandom: Spooks

Pairings: Lucas North x OC (Amy Holland)

Warnings: Stalking behaviour, anxiety, language, sexual references, angst, smut, heartbreak, gunshot wounds and recovery, abduction, hostage situation, PTSD, torture mention.

Summary: Lucas takes notice of a young woman, Amy, but his obsession and want to get to know her begin to spiral out of control. Amy is now working for MI-5, after being recruited by Ros. But will her involvement with Lucas cause even more problems and heartbreak?

When Amy's parents get involved, how will things pan out for Amy and Lucas?

Official soundtrack list: here

Comments/Notes: If you wish to be tagged in any of my tag lists for fics or characters, please let me know, and stipulate what you want to be tagged in. People who don't engage are gradually being removed from my tag list.

This fic does have an ending in sight...finally. :)

Feedback, comments and suggestions are always very valuable. My messages and ask box (including anons!) are open.

Thank you so much to those of you who have remained with me through this journey writing this story, and while we are very close to the end of this story, it's not the end of Lucas and Amy! ;)

Morning sickness began, or at least got stronger; Amy couldn’t quite tell. Most mornings that Amy had got up in the last month and she had felt nauseous, probably due to her anxiety spikes, and not just the hormones beginning to surge.

On the day that Amy was due to meet with Ros and she could barely keep any food in her stomach. Two rounds of toast had been immediately thrown back up. Three days later would be Amy’s booking appointment, where she would speak to a doctor or midwife face to face and begin the process of booking her first scan.

Nights were the worst. Amy was left alone with nothing but her thoughts, and she would always think of Lucas. She replayed the memories of when he tickled her under the bedclothes, when he would come behind her in the kitchen and wind his arms around her, the feel of his hand in hers, the smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice. Every night and she prayed he would contact her, but he didn’t. Her texts and WhatsApp remained empty of any new messages from Lucas North.

Ros waited for Amy in a Costa, which was in the city centre of Coventry. She slipped away towards the back of the shop and waited. It wasn’t long before she saw Amy’s familiar figure step into the building.

Amy stopped, scanned the sea of heads and then nodded as she caught Ros’ gaze.

“What would you like? I’ll get it,” Ros offered with a faint smile.

“Just a cup of tea, please. I need to keep it a little more bland. I’ve been really sick the last day or two,” Amy said.

Ros didn’t answer, but instead walked to the counter and placed her order.

Amy sat down, being temporarily taken back to the café she frequented with Lucas. The place where it all began just over a year ago. It would be their one year anniversary the following week if they had still remained together. The night when Amy had fully let him in, the beginning of their rocky relationship.

Amy watched Ros order their drinks. Why did these people sacrifice everything in their lives just for the sake of a job? What was it about MI5 that was so special? They had given up their normal lives, friends, family, for this job. Lucas thought he could have a normal life, but that had all turned out to be false. No one had a normal life. The long list of casualties on the job proved that. Amy had heard about many of them. Surveillance operatives who had found themselves in deeper shit than they could have ever imagined.

“What should I do?” Amy asked simply, as Ros placed the drinks down on the table. “Lucas is adamant that my parents are right, and has told me he’ll come to the scans and birth but won’t be with me. How can I get through to him?”

Ros sighed and began opening a sachet of sugar. “Lucas is stubborn at the best of times. But if you want to be together enough then you’ll do it. Lucas wants you safe, and neither of us can argue with that.”

“I’m not worth the fight for him.”

“No, it’s not that at all,” Ros said, shaking her head for emphasis. “I’ve known him about three years now, and never saw him as content as when he was with you. He finally seemed at peace with himself. You really bring out the best in him, and he adores you. Never think anything less than that. Lucas never does anything by half measure, especially when it comes to you.”

Amy looked down into her lap and felt the tears come again. “I wish he would let me make up my own mind. He’s always making decisions for me.”

“I’m so sorry, Ros. I had no idea,” Amy replied.

Ros smiled at Amy. “You didn’t know him, but you’ve probably heard his name mentioned. Adam Carter. Things wouldn’t have worked out between us. I always knew that. The job kept us apart, but he died on the job, same as his wife, Fiona. MI5 will either make or break you, Amy. But either way, once you’re in, you don’t leave. You and Lucas are truly devoted to each other, and you deserve happiness.”

***

“You’re approximately twelve weeks,” the midwife told Amy. “Baby is growing well. Seems quite active.”

“I estimate your due date approximately the last week of August.” The midwife wiped the gel from Amy’s stomach and paused the image on the screen, printing the scan. “I’ll book you for your next scan, and hopefully then we can determine the sex of the baby, if you want to know.”

Amy smiled. “I’d love to know. I always had it planned out in my head that if I had children, I’d want to know. It helps me get to know them better.”

The midwife, a middle-aged lady with short greying hair and glasses, smiled. “That’s nice,” she said simply.

Amy looked away and sighed. Of course the midwife wouldn’t be as interested; she saw dozens of pregnant women every day, and no doubt they all sounded like a broken record to her.

In the car and Amy sat in the passenger seat, her thumb trailing the curve of the baby’s head. “Should I send a copy to Lucas?” she asked absently.

“I still think it’s best he has no part in this,” Sharon hissed. “We’ll all pull together as a family, we always do.”

***

Time passed, weeks turning into months.

Amy felt the tension and anxiety lessen, as the nausea got worse by her fifth month, and then eased again. The fluttering sensations began, something she knew was inevitable as the baby grew. Her stomach was becoming harder and more prominent, resting a little heavier on the waist of her trousers.

Ros still remained in touch, having formally put Amy on early maternity leave after two months of sick leave. She had done all she could to keep the position open for Amy and also enable money to continue coming in, so she at least had something to live off.

Lucas was silent. Sometimes his deafening silence brought her to tears in the middle of the night as she lay on her back, staring at the ceiling, praying he would be back beside her one day. She tried to imagine what the baby would look like, giving it Lucas’ grey blue eyes. But thinking on the baby’s appearance, always caused her to break down again.

***

Lucas walked slowly into the kitchen and looked out of the window, into the communal garden. It was growing dusk, with longer days moving in as the weeks passed quickly through spring. He thought of Amy, imagining her sitting in the garden, holding a baby on her lap, reading her old battered copy of The Hobbit, with a warm sun high in the sky. He had given her the ultimate gift, the one thing she had wanted for a while now, but he couldn’t enjoy it with her. Lucas knew she would be an amazing mother; doting, kind, eager to play and re-live her own childhood through their little one.

One way to numb the pain was alcohol. In the last few weeks and Lucas had welcomed whiskey and vodka into his life on a more permanent basis. The bedside table housed half empty bottles.

That night and he sat on the edge of the bed, downing whiskey from the bottle. He rubbed his stubbled chin and stared aimlessly through the gloom.

Amy was so ready to fight for you and you just let her go.

But she needs to be protected. Her and the baby.

You want her and she wants you. Fuck what her parents think.

The arguments raged. Back and forth the voices went, turning into whispers the more that Lucas drank from the bottle.

Tears trickled down Lucas’ cheek as he picked up his phone, and for the first time in months, he sent a single message to Amy. The alcohol had worn his inhibitions right down.

I love you.

***

Amy stared at the message, unable to comprehend that Lucas had actually sent her something. He’d been silent now for months, so she had taken this as her sign to leave him be and go through her pregnancy alone. The timestamp on the message was 2:04am. Messages in the dead of night were always a cry for help in some way. She whispered his name, still feeling stunned and not sure what to do.

A few hours passed and Amy still wondered what on earth to do with the message from Lucas. She’d looked back at the message multiple times, making sure that she wasn’t imagining it all. But it was still there. Three simple, desperate words.

An incoming call came from Ros.

“Hi, Ros. Is everything okay?” Amy asked, trying to force a cheerful tone.

“I wish I could say it was,” she replied. “Lucas didn’t turn up for work this morning, and has been coming in smelling of drink. Amy, he’s not doing well. He needs you.”

Amy sighed and swallowed hard. “He’s stubborn, Ros. No matter what I say and do, he won’t let me come back. You know he won’t.”

“Something tells me not this time.”

Lucas had suffered enough in his life and all Amy wanted was to see him find peace, wherever and whoever he found that with. He deserved peace; after all, he put his life on the line daily to protect the UK public. Of course he deserved some peace. She wanted to embrace him, comfort him, just be there and hold him during his dark hours.

On the train an hour later and Amy flicked through her purse, checking that she had enough cash to get her across London to her old flat. But as she rummaged in the coin compartment, she felt something long against her fingers. It was her original flat keys; two of them held together on a ring. One got her through the front door into the lobby area, and the other got her into the flat itself. Why had she kept them all this time? Was it because she always knew she would one day be going back?

The flashing of buildings and landscape somehow soothed her, while a teenage girl of around sixteen years of age sat next to Amy, flicking through Instagram, and occasionally posing in her front facing camera.

The closer she got to London and the more she could feel the fluttering in her belly, which was now showing.

For a second, she placed her hand on her bump and smiled.

We’re going to see your daddy.

Apprehension and excitement both rose inside Amy. She had missed Lucas more than she could ever express, and while on the underground and then walking the street, getting closer to the flat, she could feel her anxiety taking hold.

Amy let herself into the main front entrance of the building, and then walked down the corridor to flat number three. With a deep breath, she knocked, waiting for a response.

***

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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago

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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good

#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man #i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault #ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever #but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's #depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way #i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but #i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being #suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways #but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to #act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand #idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that #getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh #besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks #ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru #til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking #but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort #the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done

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seraphim-soulmate · 3 months ago

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when my roommates put things back in the kitchen incorrectly it makes me frustrated and angry. apparently, did you know, this is not a thing all or most humans experience ? some people don't have an intense emotional reaction to things not being stacked in the optimal way, or pans not being put back in their "usual" spot. did you know this. did you.

#personal #I'm having an online interview on autism tomorrow and so I'm researching and reflecting more #not like this is ground breaking or anything but just. it's interesting to me that this typically doesn't elicit an emotion for people.#I've been crying a lot over autism videos #I haven't had a chance to process my diagnosis yet really and there's still so much for me to learn and accept about autism #like feeling shame and guilt bcs of disability has been a huge problem for me lately. not being able to accomplish what I want to.#and seeing videos of other autistic ppl who were really attached to the idea of who they would become when they got older #or identified a lot with who they were while masking #and now have to let go of those things. and figure out who they actually are and are capable of doing without burnout.#whoof man. its a lot. i still haven't let go of who i thought id be when i grew up. to the extent that said struggle is part of my identity.#it's just. I am autistic. several medical professionals familiar with autism saw me and went 'yeah you are autistic'.#I spent so long learning how to better cope with my depression.#and it turns out some of that advice is opposite to what you need if its autistic burnout instead #which im gonna assume i just kinda had both going on at various times #i just. im not sure what to do with my life.#but i guess first i have to make my life more baseline liveable and enjoyable before i start pondering that #change is hard. basically. thats what this was about.

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shadowsingercassia · 2 days ago

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Thank you for the tag @anarchiii !! ❤️

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I haven't posted anything on AO3 and I don't think I have an account either but that's only because I have no idea how to use it 😂

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

25! (If I counted correctly)

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Well I have a series that I stopped updating so that's one (?) and a part 2 to a fic I have so... that makes it 2 (I think...) 🤔

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

So I have two 🙂 (a little bit of rambling):

First is my The Gate To Home series! It was everything for me, I really don't know how I got through it and even if I hadn't prepared it properly so many people loved it and supported it until the end (I love you all smm ❤️)

Second is The Day Hope Died! This fic has a special place in my heart because when I'm having a hard time, I write and this is the only fic of those that I had the courage to post. The feelings there, the angst are a representation and a reflection of my own that day (I'm alright now for anyone wondering!)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I think that Genuine Poetry is a type of fic that I don't usually write and that is purely because of the poem I put in the fic (I had never written a poem in my life before that)

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

So Masked Christine of the Opera surprised me with its ending, I was not expecting that plot twist to settle into my mind though rereading it, it's not great, but the rest of it is very special to me 💕 another thing I was surprised to see when I finished writing it is that I actually wrote it in third person and I hadn't even realized 🥲

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

Again it's Masked Christine of the Opera, I really loved writing it and I'm going to say it, it's a great fic although the ending is a little bad (I really had thought it was good 😭) it just has my heart ❤️

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I really have a lot of artists that have inspired me to make my own art (even if I'm still a beginner) and for that I want to thank @dawneternal and @freyjas-musings

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

Alright I will yap so bear with me:

@scorpioriesling all your fics are incredible, I absolutely loved Too Hot To Handle and I actually binge-read it in September and I wanted to say I'm obsessed, same for the Invisible String and all your other fics! 🫶

@velarisdusk your fics are... mwah 💋 I don't even know where to begin your writing is amazing and truly I love you so much! This tag game was probably my sign to re-read all your fics 😂

@illyrianbitch I love each and every single thing you write, if I could have them injected into my veins I would do it 💓 (I'm also very glad you're doing well now 🥰)

@azrielslittleslut you quite literally inspired me to write an Azriel x reader fic because of how well you capture his personality 💙

@azrielsdove your fics mean everything to me, I've read each one twice and I'm planning on reading them all again ❤️

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

I've been on Tumblr for a little less than a year I think (me and my alzheimer that I don't actually have) but recently I have discovered @thelov3lybookworm (I know you are not a new author but I'm obsessed with your Lucien week fics and im currently reading all your other fics too!!)

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

No, I haven't done any

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

In my writing, reading my first and latest fic, I'm proud because I've grown but I'm also proud because I had the courage to start so shoutout to my first fic Stupid Headache (you will always be my baby) 🥰

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Dont take it seriously (like in a way of dont view it as a competition). That's the most important thing I've learned. When I started, which was long before I got Tumblr (like when I was a teenager I wrote my first short story) and I took it so seriously, planning things obsessively, which is the reason I actually lost my passion but now I found it again and I'm very grateful for that 💞

14. What is your advice?

Well, I really don't know any good advice, I mean I'm still learning things everyday but I think my biggest advice is what I previously said, don't take it seriously, it's not a competition

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I want to try and create an OC and maybe start writing more ships and less x reader but mostly I just want to write, that's my goal, not to give up on writing :)

note: again, thank you @anarchiii for the tag !!

no pressure tags: @really-fanny-longbottom @illyriassweetheart @azrielsdove and anyone else who wants to do this!

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

Thank you so much @velarisdusk for the tag! 🫶🏻

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

I don't have anything published on AO3 simply because I still don't know how to use it even though I do have an account. But here on tumblr, it's 92.878

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

49! I've never counted them before and never realized just how many they were omg

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

Ongoing only Bound By Secrets. In progress apparently 10? I thought I had 3 WIPs. I completely forgot about the other 7 lol

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

UGH how do I choose one? A Helping Hand has a special place in my heart because it's the first fic I wrote and posted. Night and Days is one of my favorites because I love the banter between Azriel and reader, and I also have to mention Say My Name because omg I loved writing that one and I know I might be biased but I was giggling and kicking my feet while writing.

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I'd say the first few things I wrote rather than one in particular for the simple reason that in Italian I tend to write very long sentences because it's normal, but in English sentences are usually shorter so it took a bit to get into that mindset. As for experimental, I'm trying to write a fic from two povs at the same time, sort of like an omniscient narrator. We'll see how it turns out.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

Many fics surprise me while writing because I don't plan them out that much other than a few things I want to happen and then I see where the story leads me. As for reception, Bound by Secrets. I didn't expect so many people asking for a part 2! (I'll write it, I promise)

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

The Path To Healing and on a happier (and smutty) note Alcohol and Giggles. I cried writing the first one and laughed writing the second one.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

I love every single fanart by madschofield and elizianna.the.one!

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

@writingcroissant was the first author I found on here, the literal reason I created an account was to read her fics, and @illyrianbitch was the second. I love everything they write and it made me want to write again.

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

@shedoessoshedoes and @duskandcobalt! I'm going to read all of your fics so don't be surprised if you see me in your notifications for the next few weeks 🥰

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start

Nope, no collaborations.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Kinktober! I decided to do it two weeks before it started and didn't think I'd be able to write all 31 one fics but I did it!

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

When I started posting, I kept opening tumblr every five minutes to see if there were any new notes/comments/etc. Now I don't do that anymore. I still care about people enjoying my content of course and any kind of feedback is always super appreciated, but I don't need to continuously check to know that my writing is valid and good even if I get only a few likes.

14. What is your advice?

I'm the wrong person to ask this to, but I guess write what you like and what you want to read. I know it's basic, but never before I realized just how true it is. Feedback and appreciation for your work is awesome, but you have to be the first one to like it or it's probably going to turn out bland if you push yourself to write something you don't like or are not interested in.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

Finish working on all those WIPs apparently lol. And I have an idea for a series that I want to work on as well.

No pressure of course, but if you'd like to @azrielslittleslut @anarchiii @shedoessoshedoes or anyone else who wants to do it!

#love you all <3 #<3

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an-unraveling-unknown · 9 months ago

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You ever do something not thinking much of it, but after you do it you realize it was actually like a genius move?

This happened to me with my story: Started it off with a fairly standard conflict; someone wants what Tuon has. But afterward I was like "Oh shit, this is a prime opportunity to show his unyielding guardianship!" But not only that, I also realized that it did a great job at reflecting his flaws and sort of foreshadowing them to the reader

Oh man THATS SO GOOD!! It is so nifty when things work out like that, I hear you- long story relatively short, you betcha.

I had something like that with Aeonian, my Tav for Baldur's Gate 3. One of their quirks that I put down on paper early on was that the places were their muscles would be are rock hard - mainly because of the fact that they're cramming a monolithically sized form's worth of matter down into a humanoid body thats eight times smaller, hence putting a lot of strain on their body as a whole, but also à la a statue for a physical form.

"Statue for a physical form.... death and rebirth themes*......statue made of rock. wait."

Because I cannot escape my hyperfixations, geology was thrown back in my face in whence I was immediately reminded of the ROCK CYCLE:

-which can be pretty well-applied to the whole death and rebirth thing, not to mention a nifty little guideline as to how their character arc can go as well as Aeonian's place as a story in of themselves (long story, involves statues though) and their tendency to 'erode' themselves per se if it means getting where they need to be. Metamorphosis also links pretty cleanly here too, not only because of the metamorphic rock and its processes but because of parallels between Aeonian (embodiment of death [at sea]) and Thanatos, the greek personification of death, who is usually represented by way of butterflies.

I'm real bad at explaining things so I apologize if none of this made a lick of sense, I promise it's a lot clearer in my head and please feel free to ask for clarity on anything!! this is probably some of my favorite character work I've done so far

*dionysus+being the literal embodiment of death [at sea,] longer story

(Please talk more about Tuon he is SO cool and I talk too much, that's some really good character writing)

#oc lore #original character #baldurs gate tav #bg3 tav #bg3 #mind - Aeonian and their sister were originally created outside of Baldur's Gate for a separate project (hence the greek myth allusions)#and i kind of just plonked them in cos I didn't feel like creating a new character at the time #hence why this may seem wacko bonkers #oc #this stone theme I have going on also reflects how they act for a good while #Earlier on in the story #(at least in terms of their character in BG3)#they know they are here for one purpose;#get in #find missing sister (long story)#get out #As per detriment this also means that they're rather walled #and they only organized the adventuring party in the first place because the other three (Karlach Gale Astarion) have skills that they don'#thus actually finding their sister will go a whole lot smoother #all this to say they aren't here to make friends #but they do soften after a while (with much heat and pressure e.g combat and working together and bonding)#my oc stuff #they have so many issues man #their entire mantra basically amounts to 'if I'm not dead I'm fine' which is an idiot thing to follow when you're immortal #“I will keep moving forward as long as I breathe regardless of if there's enough of me left to move” -immortal fucking dipshit /lovingly

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classicjdog · 11 months ago

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CURSE MY FUCKING SHITARSE INTERNET I JUST WANT TO PLAY SOME FUCKING TEKKEN GAAAAHHHHHHHH

REINA IS SO FUCKING SICK AND I CAN'T PLAY HER AGAINST REAL PPL I'M STUCK FIGHTING THE STUPID AI FUCK

#i have some christmas money lying around so i guess i'm just gonna have to buy an ethernet cable #my setup (if you wanna call it that) is really not conducive to getting wired up at all #but fuck man there's no way i'm gonna just not play this fucking game it's way too fucking sick #well at least i had plenty of time to play the story lol which for the first like 80% of it's runtime it's like hey this is fun #like it's not super boring & there are actually some really cool moments sprinkled in here & there #then there's the second-to-last jin/kaz fight which was kinda what i expected the finale to be #like ok they've got their big crazy final forms & they're gonna have their big over-the-top anime fight & that's all fine i guess #but then they have one last normal hand-to-hand fight #and speaking as a long-time hardcore tekken fan that last fight is one of the best most joyful experiences i've ever had with a video game #like i've always felt that jin's transition from tekken 3 to tekken 4 was such a cool melding of story with gameplay #like in story at the end of t3 he's betrayed by heihachi so in t4 he forcibly unlearns the martial art heihachi taught him #and this is reflected in gameplay by his moveset being completely different so them coming back around to that in t8 #and reinforcing the whole theme of jin accepting his past by LITERALLY GIVING YOU HIS TEKKEN 3 MOVESET IN THE FIGHT AGAINST KAZUYA #WHILE A REMIX OF HIS TEKKEN 3 THEME PLAYS???? GOD WHAT A FUCKING SEQUENCE!!! CHEF'S KISS MWAH MWAH MWAH #and then just the lovely little moments of fanservice. obvious stuff like kaz wavedashing or he & jin doing the namco logo thing 1 last tim #but then obscure stuff like jins t3 df1 glitch & kazuyas weirdo t4 re-stun combos?? like how many ppl are even gonna know about that shit??#they hella did not have to do that but they did & it makes me so so so happy #so yea the t8 story is like 80% a fun entertaining little romp & 20% the hypest shit i've ever ever ever seen #and also reina is the best new character namco have made for tekken since steve in t4 #it's funny cause in the whole leadup to t8 i was having a little trouble figuring out who i was gonna main #cause in t7 i spent most of my time bouncing around basically the whole cast before finally settling on julia near the end #obv no julia in t8 so i had to pick someone else & no one in t8 was really jumping out at me #lots of super cool characters that i'd already played quite a lot of but not really anyone that's like ok yea that's my fucking guy #lots of sick af potential secondaries but no main basically #then they released the reina trailer & i was like ok yea that's my fucking guy #sick design sick stage sick AS FUCK music & a bunch of mishima staples to go along with it???#she's got an electric? hellsweep? wavedash? flash punch combo? stonehead?#plus some heihachi specific staples? demon breath? heaven's gate? iron hand? fucking HUNTING HAWK??? then yea that's MY FUCKING GUY #so yea reina fucking rules & i just wanna play her against real ppl please for the love of fuck #OH ONE MORE THING THEY DID ANOTHER GREAT JOB WITH THE MUSIC. AT LEAST 3 NEW TRACKS ADDED TO THE TEKKEN PANTHEON OF ALL-TIME CLASSICS

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inkskinned · 2 years ago

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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding #(re: the friends stuff)#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.#and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help #let them help you!!!!!!

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nikibogwater · 5 months ago

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Actually while I'm thinking about it, I just wanna say that the more live-action remakes Disney shlups out like shoveled manure, the more amazed I am that Cinderella (2015) exists. It breaks literally every standard of Disney's LA remakes.

It's not a shot-for-shot remake of the original 1950 animated film, though it does include small references and homages to it, but only when such things can be incorporated organically into the story.

The creators understood and respected the cross-cultural significance of the Cinderella story. They didn't want to "fix" it, or add some wacky twist to it, they just wanted to make the best possible version of the Quintessential Cinderella that they could.

Everything that could be done practically was done practically. The carriage was a real, the horses pulling it were real, and all of the other animals (with the exception of the mice and lizards, since their performance was a lot more involved than the others') were real living animals, the lizard footman and goose carriage driver were wearing prosthetics instead of just having their animal features added in post, the Fairy Godmother's dress had little LED lights sewn into it so that it would actually glow for real, the ballroom set was built by hand and included real chandeliers with more than 2000 total candles that were all actually lit for the scene, and I could go on but you get the point.

There's a ton of attention paid to little details that make the world feel real and lived in. Ella's shoes are always a little scuffed and dirty. Her farm dress is faded and wrinkled. When she breaks down and runs away to the woods, she rides her horse bareback (which, once again, was a thing Lily James actually did, no stunt-double or editing in post), because not only is that something a country girl like her would know how to do, but it also makes sense that with as upset as she is, she wouldn't want to waste time with saddling the horse. When she's dancing with the prince, it's visually obvious that he is leading her and giving her cues because of course Ella wouldn't know the latest ballroom dances, and would need him to guide her through it.

Hey speaking of dancing, y'know what else this movie does that no other LA remake has been allowed to do (at least not to this extent)? ROMANCE. Land sakes alive, this is one of the most unabashedly and yet still tastefully romantic movies I've ever seen. Ella and Kit are just oozing romantic chemistry from the moment they lock eyes for the first time. It all comes down to the fact that these two characters both have the same core values of courage and kindness, which makes their admiration for each other feel grounded and believable. Richard Madden also really sells Kit's feelings for Ella with the way his eyes go all big and soft whenever he looks at her. And don't even get me started on Lily's performance as Ella. Her quiet awe that someone as powerful as the prince loves her. The timidity and fear that she's not really worthy of that. The selfless determination to protect him from her family's cruelty, even if it means she'll never see him again, I'm just-- *banging my fist against the table and screaming into a pillow*

Absolutely god-tier costume design. No notes, I think Sandy Powell's work speaks for itself. Btw, in case you were somehow still wondering, yes, Ella's ballgown is fully practical--those layers upon layers of dreamy silk skirts are real. CG was only used to brighten up the blue color to make her stand out from the crowd more.

Wicked stepmother was allowed to actually be wicked. The movie never tries to make you sympathize with Lady Tremaine, or shift the blame off to someone else. And her villainy is given an extra layer of depth with the reveal that she is a dark reflection of Ella. They've both lost people they loved, but where Ella refused to let her grief get in the way of kindness, Lady Tremaine became utterly consumed by it. She views the death of her first husband as a sort of twisted justification for pursuing all her worst impulses. She despises Ella for her ability to flourish even while enduring terrible suffering, for being everything Lady Tremaine was either unable or flat-out refused to be.

Also Cate Blanchet absolutely SLAYS in this role. Hands-down my favorite portrayal of the wicked stepmother character.

Anyways, TLDR: Cinderella (2015) is the only Disney live-action remake that can justify its own existence and that's because it actively defies everything the LA remakes are today.

#niki rambles #cinderella 2015

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dinogoofymutated · 5 months ago

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First born Headcannons! Multi/Fem!Afab! Reader - Angel, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Gambit OKAY FUCK I don't know what came over me it just happened okay??? This whole thing started thinkin about colossus and a lil baby and then I was thinking about Warren taking the nightshift with his own baby and I spiraled from there. Warren's is like twice as long as everyone elses my bad yall. If there are any typos don't make fun of me ill fix them tomorrow I'm so tired lol TWs: Childbirth mentioned (Not described tho), Babies, wholesome shit. I know that some of these characters have had kids in the comics and that these hcs may be ooc, but I do not care lol. Little bit of anxiety and panic, but everything is okay.

Warren Worthington

Warren is such a dad. I don't even know how to describe it. Like, he's not as effortlessly fatherly like Piotr is, but once he has a kid he's devoted to making sure this kid gets all the emotional, physical, and financial support they would ever need.

He had such a rocky childhood with his own dad, so he hates the idea of his child ever going through the same sort of thing.

He might be a little clueless with the actual baby things, like when to feed, how to dress, and what to feed his little one, but he does take diaper duty as his sole purpose in life. He does adjust for the things he lacks though, and gradually adjusts to be better at them!

He's strangely good with babies, even before he had his own! There's just something about him that makes them stop crying. He's also an expert at nap times.

It’s an early weekday afternoon. The sun is shining through the blinds in warm golden rays, the sink clean and the dishwasher running. There’s a click once the message on the answering machine stops playing, and you have an uncertain frown on your face as you take it all in.

The house is silent, brightly decorated with pictures of your close friends lining the walls of the hallway. The sounds of your husband quietly shushing your infant son gradually become easier to hear when you reach the cracked door of the nursery, pushing it open as quietly as you can.

Warren’s back is facing you, fluffy wings almost glowing where the sunrays touch his feathers. Your newborn is sleeping in his arms, napping after a lunchtime bottle. He’s bouncing the baby just slightly, and you swear you can see his smile without ever having to see his face. It’s a sweet moment you want to crystalize in your memories. You lean against the doorway, smiling just as bright as you’re sure he is.

"Hi~" You say sweetly after a moment. You were right. Warren’s happy smile is bright and blinding when he turns to look at you.

"Hey," He says quickly, lifting your sleeping son so that you can see him better. "Hi Mama, say hi Mama!" Warren whispers as he lifts the baby’s pudgy little hand to wave at you. You can’t help but giggle, walking forward to kiss both of them on their cheeks- your little one not stirring from his nap. You take a breath afterward, leaning against his side as you debate telling him.

“Something wrong?” Warren asks, one of his wings stretching out to wrap around your side and pull you closer to him. Normally you giggle, but today you bite your lip, unsure.

"Your dad called." Your words are soft when you say it, and Warren immediately laughs in a way that sounds more like a scoff.

“His secretary, you mean.” Warren attempts to correct, and his joking tone makes you frown a little, rubbing his upper arm in an attempt to be soothing.

“No, not her, honey.” Warren stays silent after you say it, his brow furrowing as his face turns into a reflection of confusion and sadness. You can see the conflict as he turns the words over in his head, cooing and shushing your son back to sleep when he starts to stir a little, feeling the atmosphere shift.

“...what did he want?” He asks, voice low and quiet.

“He left a message on the answering machine if you want to listen to it.” You tell him. “He, well… He wants to meet his grandson.” Warren scoffs at that, shaking his head as he starts to pace the room a little. You stand there, grounded as you watch him process the sudden contact.

“He really said that? After all he’s put me through, he wants to meet our son… What a joke.” You grimace when Warren starts to laugh. He finally stops pacing to gently lay your son back in his crib. He leans against the side with one hand as the other rubs his eyes before it slides up to run through his hair.

“Do you want him to?” You ask after a moment, stepping over to his side. He leans into your touch when you reach out to hold his cheek.

“I-” Warren stops himself, taking a deep breath as he takes your hand in his own. “What do you want to do?” He asks instead. You shake your head at him, taking hold of his hand in both of yours, tracing the wedding band on his finger.

“He’s your dad, love. It’s your choice.” You say softly. Warren is still frowning, and he lets out a long breath, deflating a little bit. He turns around to face you, pressing a kiss to your temple and holding you there for a long moment. You wish you had even a fraction of Jean’s or the Professor’s power, if only you could see what was going on in that head of his. He pulls you into a side hug, and the two of you spend a long while looking at your infant in the crib. The perfect mixture of the both of you. Certain to be a mutant in his own right. You can tell Warren spends every second thinking about it.

When he steps away from you, He’s silent.

“Warren?” You call out for him as he leaves the room. You’re about to follow when you hear the distinct sound of your son about to wake up, the little whine catching your attention as you coo him back to sleep instead. The door to the nursery is open, and just faintly down the hall, you hear the sound of the landline starting to ring.

“Hey, Dad, it’s Warren. Is Saturday okay?”

Piotr Rasputin

GOD this man is so good with kids. I mean, have you seen those comic panels with him and his sister??

This man was made, built, forged to be a dad. He's protective but encouraging, and although he may be blunt, he knows when his kiddo needs some comfort.

He takes all the classes with you during the pregnancy, and he knows he'd never hurt his baby, but there's always a lil bit of worry in the back of his mind. He's a little too strong, and he hates the thought of slipping up and accidentally harming this fragile little soul the two of you brought into this world.

He gains confidence with time, and when the baby arrives he's always carrying them securely on one thick arm, belly down as they sleep soundly against him.

His baby is so small when they hand her to him in the hospital. She's tiny. Smaller than the width of his arm. He looks like a giant as he holds her, sat next to your bedside as you recover from her delivery. He's in awe as he looks at her, a tiny little life, the greatest gift you've ever given him besides your hand in marriage.

You and others had always joked that his baby would be huge, big-headed, 99th percentile, and he never minded it. It was no secret that he was a big man, and he didn't mind what size the baby was as long as it was healthy, and looking at the little bundle of joy in his arms, he decides he wouldn't have it any other way.

It's almost comical, how small she is. Hell, even you might have doubted the paternity of the baby girl if it hadn't been for her head of pitch-black hair, and pretty blue eyes. Almost a carbon copy of himself.

“She has your eyes.” You say once her cries quiet down, and she begins to fall asleep in her father's arms.

“No.” Piotr hums, gingerly touching his daughter's face. “They look much more like Illyana's.” You hadn't thought about that before, but now that he mentions it, the resemblance is undeniable. You giggle at that, Scooting closer so that you can lean on his shoulder.

“The nurse said that she's waiting outside, when you're ready. I'm sure she's beyond excited to meet her niece.” You mumble. Piotr has placed a finger in the palm of your baby's hand, both of you smiling when the little fingers do their best to try and close around his fingertip. Piotr cannot wait to see the face of his sister when she sees your baby, but he'll be the first to admit, he'd like it if this moment could just last a little while longer.

Kurt wagner

Kurt is such a good dad oh my god.

He's always talking about you and the kids, bragging about literally everything you do ever. He's the kind of dad that has endless photos of his kiddos in his wallet, car, locker, everywhere.

And he's so devoted, too. He'll do anything you ask him to do during the newborn stage (and after) and is beyond supportive. His goals are happy Spouse, Happy kids, Happy life.

He's also very sentimental :) he thanks god every day for you and the blessing that is your baby.

Kurt’s side of the bed was empty when you woke up this morning, and despite the normal amount of anxiety you normally feel when that happens, you feel peaceful. You’re smiling at the empty mattress, rolling over to his side to push your face into his pillow, taking a deep breath. Used to, you would be worried. You would wonder where he was, or if he was safe. If he had gone off on some x-men mission without telling you (which he never did). But today, you know exactly where he is. You’re smiling now as you think about it, pressing a kiss to his pillow before standing up.

There’s a soft humming in the house, quiet and soothing. It’s not hard to figure out where it’s coming from, the path to the spare room having become second nature to you- although, it really wasn’t much of a spare room anymore. You try not to be too loud when you enter the room through the cracked door.

Kurt is humming sweetly, your son laid out on the changing table as Kurt finishes worming his pudgy little legs through a new onesie. The baby whines a little, squirming around as Kurt attempts to change his clothes.

“Patience, Mein kleiner Schatz. This won’t take long.” Kurt says sweetly. Your son isn’t really having this whole changing business, and it makes Kurt chuckle. His tail is wrapped around a bottle of milk, and he sets it to the side right before he snakes his tail over the crib. He brushes the spaded end lovingly over your baby’s cheek as a distraction, and the infant coos as he finishes getting his arms through the sleeves. His tail takes over from there, buttoning the onesie's clasps as he turns to grab the bottle of milk instead- stopping for a split second when he sees you in the doorway. Kurt smiles.

“How are my boys?” You ask, voice a little rough from sleep.

“Gut! And lively, it seems.” He tells you. He passes the bottle off to his tail again when you walk over, taking you into his arms as he shakes the formula up a little more. Kurt kisses you sweetly on the lips, pressing his forehead against your own when you separate.

“Guten Morgen, Schatz. How are you feeling?” You swear you fall in love with him all over again each day when he greets you like that. You shrug your shoulders in response, smile dropping just a little bit.

“I’m okay. Still tired, and definitely still bloated, but I’m okay.” You admit. Kurt frowns a little, brushing some hair from your face.

“Did you see the medicine I left for you on the nightstand?” Kurt asks, and you immediately make a bit of a silly face, remembering that you didn’t exactly get up on your own side of the bed today. Kurt knows what that looks means and begins to laugh, just as your son begins to whimper and whine to be held and fed. You try to go pick him up, but Kurt stops you as he picks your baby up instead, bottle at the ready.

“Go take your meds, I’ve got him, Liebchen.”

Remy LeBeau

Remy is a little nervous to be a dad.

Not in a flight way!! He's just a little worried that he'll be a bad influence on the kiddo. and well, I mean sure. If you're worried about the kiddo being a little rager and being into a few to many wild hobbies I guess (usually comes with the cajun territory)- but overall, Gambit is such a sweetheart, and if anything his kiddos would be so respectful and loving towards their parents.

Remy's very protective over your baby. The protectiveness is at it's height around 0-3yrs of age, but it never, ever goes away completely.

He might talk some smack about how a little bit of dirt/germs never hurt anyone, but He's actually the kind of dad that makes everyone put germex on before even thinking about holding the baby.

He's on top of feedings, and never fears a blowout when it comes to changing diapers (no matter how much he might gag). He might not have the diaper back stocked and loaded 24/7, but he's doing the best he can.

When you wake up, It’s about 3am. Your eyes blink oper wearily, and the light from the alarm clock is practically burning into your eyes. You want nothing more to curl up and go back to sleep, and you almost do, until the time actually registers.

3am. Its 3am, and you went to bed at 10pm. This is the first time you’ve woken up since then. Your veins feel like ice when you realize that you haven't heard the baby cry once. You rip the cover off of you, breaking out in a panicked run across the hall to check on your newborn. You don’t even realize that Remy isn’t even in bed until you slam the door open and see him standing there, your daughter in his arms as he rocks her to sleep in the rocking chair You breathe a sigh of relief as he looks at you with a tired smile, but your anxiety still remains.

“Remy? Is she okay?” You whisper, practically leaping over to his side to take the little one out of his arms.

“She’s Okay, Cher.” Remy replies softly. He stands from the chair, wrapping his hands around your back, the infant snug in between your bodies. You sigh again, taking a moment to look at your daughter carefully, eyeing her chest as it rises and falls, and straining your ears to hear her breathing. Remy gives you a second to get situated, yawning just a bit as he sways the three of you as you stand there. You relax as he holds you both, resting your head against his shoulder.

“Why don’ you go back to bed.” Remy says after a long minute. “That was the longest I’ve seen you sleep in a while.” You frown. He’s not wrong. Your newborn has been a bit colicky lately, crying for nights on end since you brought her home with very few things to keep her comfortable. She has started to grow out of it, but the effects still remained. She cries a lot at nighttime, and it makes you wonder if that’s why you had slept so long, because of Remy staying up to keep her quiet.

“And leave you here? Remy, how long have you been awake?” You ask, looking up at his face. He shrugs, smiling still as the three of you sway.

“I’m fine. I can stay up all night if I need to, as long as you get to catch up on some sleep.” If it were any other circumstance, you might have swooned at the words. As sweet is he is, you can’t let him do that! He begins to step away to place your daughter in her crib, and you hold yourself back from trying to take her from him and commanding him to just go to bed.

“Remy-”

“Ah ah ah, Cher, don’t wake ma petit, now.” Remy cuts you off with a whisper, turning around to place a finger against his lips in a shushing motion. He almost makes you giggle, but instead, you simply shake your head at him. He pulls you into a loving kiss when he’s close enough, running his hand through your hair. You know he’s waiting for you to pull back, to retreat into the bedroom to sleep like he asked you to, but you’re still hesitant. He knows your stubbornness firsthand and chuckles when he pulls back a little.

“Do I need to tuck you in, too?”

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sturniolohouse · 6 months ago

Text

That's Life - M.S

A.N: After the stream where Matt said he liked the name June– which has been a name on my baby list for YEARS now – I couldn't stop thinking about this scenario, so I decided to write it. Sorry if it's bad. (I'd also say they are still very young in this, maybe 23/24. But imagine any age you want, I don't really specify.) Hope you enjoy!

summary: dad!matt - a cute snippet of Matt and y/n becoming brand new parents and Chris and Nick meeting their niece for the first time. mainly fluff :')

warnings: none, really. maybe swearing and mentions of blood? (also use of y/n because apparently that is hated? idk)

word count: 2.4k

"Kid, hold her fucking neck." Matt panics as Chris readjusts in his seat on the couch.

"Matt shut the fuck up, I think I know how to hold my own niece." he retorts.

"No, you clearly don't you idiot."

I peer to my left, he holds her with one hand under her head and one hand under her butt, propping her in front of him on his lap. She's perfectly fine, Matt just worries.

"Look she's fine. She's with uncle Chris." Chris looks at her adoringly but Matt cautiously watches, biting his nails.

"How are you feeling?" Nick asks beside me, rubbing my shoulder as I eat my burger. I was starving and the first thing I wanted after giving birth was In and Out, so Matt made sure Nick and Chris brought it for me.

"I'm so tired but just relieved everything went okay."

It was a long labor, almost 20 hours and about an hour of pushing. I waited to the very last minute to get an epidural and Matt almost passed out once he saw what it actually was.

"That goes in your fucking spine?" He squeaks, his face turning pale as he nearly keels over.

I'm sat up with the anesthesiologist behind me prepping the needle. I grab Matt's forearms and bring him to stand between my legs so he's hunching in front of me before I collapse my head into his chest and groan.

"Don't fucking look at it, hold my hands." I seethe through the pain as I wait for the contraction to pass.

"I'm so sorry," He says into my ear as they stick the catheter into my spine and I stay as still as possible.

"I want In and Out after this is all over," I breath out, beginning to feel my lower half go numb.

"I'm getting you whatever you fucking want, sweetheart." He looks me dead in the eyes.

"It's kinda fucking nuts that she was just inside you, how the fuck did you like..." Chris speaks up looking between the baby and me. "Push her out..." He hesitates and I burst out laughing as Matt throws his arms up and shakes his head at him, stopping himself from knocking Chris' shoulder.

"Well, it wasn't easy." I wipe my tears from my eyes due to my laughter and Nick gives me my water so I don't choke on my dry ass fries.

"Women are the strongest people on the planet." Nick chimes and Matt smiles proudly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's fucking right. So much respect after all I witnessed." Matt rubs his eyes, seeming to be mentally reflecting the past 36 hours.

"She's so fucking cute, looks nothing like Matt." Chris comments, a small smirk growing on his face at the playful jab.

"Okay, give her back you're pissing me off." Matt quickly but gently takes her back even as Chris protests and pouts, sulking back into his chair.

"Lost your baby holding privileges," Nick points at him as Chris makes a face and sticks his tongue out, a throaty bellow echoing in the hospital room.

Nick immediately hushes him. "Can you not act like a barbarian? Fucking idiot." He scolds him.

Matt cradles her softly and my heart still melts at the sight of him holding her. It makes everything I went through so worth it. The both of them do.

I lay there in shock with a wailing baby placed on my chest. I look up at Matt on my left and he's got his hand over his mouth and tears brimming his eyes, staring at our baby with so much love.

My chest blooms with warmth and I look down at our daughter. Anyone else would look at her and think she was gross, being purple, covered in goop and blood, but she was quite literally breathtaking. Matt blubbers and bends down so he's more level to me.

"Oh my fucking god," he laughs through his emotion, wiping his eyes quickly and placing a hand on her blanketed back, her cries dying down.

"How the fuck did you do that? You're amazing oh my god." He rambles, kissing my sweaty hairline and I shake my head not really knowing how I did this either.

They let Matt cut the umbilical cord before taking her off me to bathe her quickly.

Matt grabs my face checking in on me. He scans all over my face,"You okay? You did so good, oh my fucking god." I nod quickly, feeling my adrenaline still rushing. It's a weird feeling to describe, but I am so happy.

"She was so tiny, did you see her?" I ask him, my voice a little shaky and he nods laughing, tears still shining in his eyes.

"I did, I did. She's perfect. Thank you." He kisses my lips this time and then looks over to the nurses bringing her over to him.

"You want to hold her, dad?" The nurse smiles and he visibly pales but nods nonetheless and takes her into his arms.

He looks at her and begins to tear up again, having to compose himself by looking up shaking his head. When he looks back at me, I'm sent me over the edge into my own fit of tears.

I would relive this day over and over again to just see that look on his face.

He walks over to Nick who's still beside me, bouncing her slightly.

"Nick, cmon. You've yet to hold her." Matt nods toward Nick to take her from his arms. Nick immediately shakes his head and steps back.

"No she's too fresh and tiny. I don't want to break her." He declines.

"Chris get him the pillow. Nick, hold her. You won't break her I promise you." I give him a reassuring rub on the arm and his eyes widen.

"I'm scared," He squeals quietly as he sits down in the chair and Chris sets up the pillow in his lap. Nick covers his mouth as he watches Matt walk over to him.

Chris puts a hand on his shoulder, "Nick it's gonna be fine." He giggles at his antics and I stifle my own laughter.

"Dude c'mon, I'm telling you to hold my kid not a bomb." Matt rolls his eyes and Nick flips him off.

Matt places her carefully so she's snug in Nick's arms and he freezes immediately.

"What do I do?" He looks up at me in fear.

"Just that. You're doing fine. See, she's perfectly content in your arms." I tell him softly and grab Matt's arm so he stands next to me.

I kiss his forearm and he looks back at me with a warm smile, wrapping his arm around me and sitting beside me on the bed. He pulls me in gently before kissing the top of my head.

"I'm trying to see any real defining features in her but she quite literally just looks like a baby," he studies her face as Chris takes photos of them.

"She definitely looks more like y/n," Matt says, rubbing my arm lightly before stealing one of my fries from my tray.

"I think she has my nose for sure. She hasn't really opened her eyes yet, maybe you can try and wake her up. The nurse should be coming soon to help me feed her."

"I just realized, what's her name?" Nick asks, lightly rubbing her cheek with the back of his finger to try and wake her.

"Yeah, have you guys finally decided?" Chris sits down next to Nick on the couch.

Matt and I look at each other. We had been debating her name since we first saw her face. Of course we had a list prepared but we didn't want to settle on a name until we could match it to her face.

It was hard agreeing on names at first as we had very different tastes but there was one that kept coming back up in conversation and once we saw her it was a no brainer.

I nudge Matt, "Go ahead, tell them." I lean my head against his shoulder.

"Her name is June," They 'aw' in unison.

"June Iris Sturniolo." Matt tells them her full name and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face.

"I love that, such a sweet name.” Nick smiles down at her.

"Does it have a meaning? Or did you guys just like the name?" Chris pulls back her hat.

"Holy shit, she has a lot of hair." he comments.

"Explains all of my heartburn." I huff and Matt giggles beside me.

"We liked the name and we were looking at lot of nature names, month names, classic names. We landed on June a few times when going over names but didn't want to make it official until we saw her." I start and Matt nods before speaking up.

"Well, we had some music playing during the whole labor and everything but after Y/N started pushing, our playlist ended and started playing whatever. And right before June came out, the song That's Life by Frank Sinatra played. And in the song, there's a line that goes: You're riding high in April, shot down in May but I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm back on top, back on top in June. Right when we heard that and then we saw her face, we knew that was her name." Matt concluded and I tear up.

"That's so fucking cool,"

"Stop I have chills, oh my god."

"And Iris was my grandmothers name, but we also liked how it sounded with June. It was proven really hard to find a middle name that sounded good with June and Sturniolo." I laugh.

“I love that her name has a cool story behind it that you can tell her one day.” Nick says and I get emotional thinking about telling my daughter the day of her birth.

"Hi June, you gonna wake up for us?" Chris speaks softly to her. She stays put as Nick and Chris look at her expectantly.

"I wouldn't want to open my eyes either if I were just in a a warm dark place for almost nine months and all of sudden I'm in a bright ass hospital room with a loud idiot." Matt speaks looking directly at Chris.

"She must take that after you," I say playfully and rub his chest. He rolls his eyes.

"Aw, a little Mattitude." Chris uses a baby voice, tickling her belly playfully. “Look she even makes Matt’s stank face he does when he’s mad.” He points.

“Oh my god she does,” Nick exclaims.

"Not to be weird, but you are all basically her father since you have identical DNA. Also if you guys have children one day, they'll be genetically June's half-siblings." I state my fun fact and all their faces drop.

Nick gasps, "Wait, that's actually crazy because I was just going to joke around and say 'aw she has my eye-bags'." His eyes widen and I shrug at him proving my point.

"That's so fucking weird." Matt shakes his head in realization.

Chris acts repulsed, putting a hand up. "Yeah, I don't like thinking about that. I'm no one's father, thank God." He does the sign of the cross.

"Yes. Thank God for that." Matt says shortly.

"I don't know, I think Chris will be a good dad one day." I defend him and Matt gives the side eye.

"Thank you y/n," He says with a hand over his heart.

He walks over to me and gives me a side hug. I kiss his cheek, offering him a fry and he takes it appreciatively.

"I'm definitely staying the fun uncle." Nick states, turning his attention back to June. "One day, you'll be big enough to stay at Uncle Nick's and I'll get you anything you want without your parents knowing," he says quietly to her but we can all still hear him.

She begins to stir in his arms and he freezes again.

"Oh no, she's waking up. Is she gonna cry?" he panics. "Matt quick, take her."

"She might want the boob," he says taking June out of Nick's hold.

She begins to fuss and squirm but Matt calmly shushes her and begins to bounce lightly.

"It's her feeding time in 15 minutes, should I try without the nurse?" I look up at Matt and he shrugs.

"I don't see why not. She's clearly hungry now."

"Uh, should we leave?" Chris says awkwardly and I wave him off.

"I'm gonna cover myself don't worry. Unless you want to leave," I say nonchalantly, not having a care in the world after just about everyone in this hospital has seen me naked. But of course I won't be flashing anyone.

"Junie don't cry, here's mama. She's got the food." Matt tells her quietly, bringing her to me as Chris clears my lap for me and goes to sit down next to Nick again.

"My baby," I pout as I grab her and her little cries die down once she's in my arms. "You already know the deal sister, let's see if we can do this." I talk to her confidently hoping I can do this on my own.

Matt stands beside helping me cover up and get June in the right position.

"There you go, all better." Matt speaks to her softly as she latches on and I exhale in relief. "Good job, mama." He runs his fingers through my hair and rubs my neck.

The nurse walks in mid-feed and praises me. "Looks like you've got it under control here." She smiles and checks my vitals quickly before stepping back out of the room.

Once June finishes eating I burp her upright on my lap, facing her towards everyone. At this point she's wide awake and everyone is staring at her.

"Oh my gosh, her eyes are like, gray," Nick says.

"Can she see me?" Chris waves at her, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out.

"Her eyes will most likely change color, they can change up until she's a year." I tell them. "And she can probably see you as a blob, Chris. Stop dancing." I tell him and he stops mid griddy.

"Oh..." He looks defeated and she burps loudly in that moment, making him laugh. "Why does she burp louder than me, she's like 12 hours old." he jokes.

I feel Matt's hand on my shoulder again and he gives me another squeeze. I look up at him and smile tiredly, he leans down to give me a kiss. Something we rarely do in front of others because we hate PDA. But we can't help it this time.

I hear a snap of a camera and we both look to see Nick with his film camera.

"I couldn't resist. First family portrait." he smiles softly. "I can't believe you're a father, Matthew."

"Believe it, kid."

"Nick, will you actually take our family photos when we get home." I ask rubbing Junie's back.

"The fact that you even asked that," he says looking offended and everyone laughs. "Of course I will, though."

#sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #dad!matt #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nick sturniolo #matthew sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x reader #the sturniolo triplets #sturniolohouse

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