#but like. come ON make haru have to CHOOSE between SWIMMING and SOMETHING ELSE

[reikunrei]

tatsuya kato was really the one carrying all the weight of fs2 like. the movie sucked ass but the music is still SO GOOD the ost for all of free! is so sososososooooo so so good

[caffernnn]

One thing that made free interesting to me was that from episode 1 it's like the opposite of a classic sports anime. the protagonist DOESN'T want to be in a sports anime and everyone else around him is trying to make him become one. like this was the central conflict of s2 (and i thought the resolution of s2 was kinda weak but overall better than FS2 by miles lol). after s2 all of haru's struggle and identity and conflict goes away and is focused on competitive swimming, training to compete, etc and haru's fully into it. it felt like a lot of the interpersonal relationships and inner conflicts took a backseat to the sport, rather than being the center of the story with the sport as the vehicle to convey it... imo by making free more like a typical sports anime where the main goal is to win (? I guess?) a lot of what made fr special in the first place (the characters and their relationships) fell flat

Yeah I completely get that! Part of the appeal is that from the start it feels like a story about wanting to be understood and connect with others genuinely/deeply, and season one hops in when the main group has lost any sense of that because of a complicated past with a sport. It’s interesting because we aren’t given a cast of jocks already deep into a “ball is life, sport is life” hyperfocus, we are given a group of guys (some best friends, some old friends, some soon-to-be friends, some ex-friends) and are asked to watch them rediscover what once made them all drawn to swimming together, and redefine what swimming can mean to them now, as an act of sportsmanship and deep connection. It didn’t have to be swimming, it didn’t have to be a sport, but there had to be something to bring them all together to challenge and inspire and support each other, and it all beautifully happened to come together in a pool because of their own individual connections/experiences with water and the memories of love/passion (of all sorts) connected to it. You get invested because you see from day one that Haru doesn’t want all perceptions of him to be tied to how efficiently or beautifully he swims, and you keep sticking around because all of the characters start to come forward with all of the things that make them unique, eventually informing their teamwork in and out of the pool. That’s why I’m here, at least — I got entranced by the characters and their connections with each other.

When the story starts to shift its focus with the conclusion of S2 with Haru coming to the decision to go to Tokyo and try out the competitive world, it feels weird because all of the concerns that kept him from putting all of his eggs in that basket from the get go seem to get sidelined. He had real fears and concerns when it came to planning a future around swimming, because he knew from experience that you don’t survive that world on athletic prowess alone. You have to have a certain level of grit, of perseverance, and of secure support so that you don’t fall apart immediately. When he chooses Tokyo, I didn’t want to think of that as an abandonment of all of these past fears (and still lingering fears, as we know now), but like… a chance to tell a new story? How he’s willing to give this all a chance because there’s some plan or confidence in figuring out a plan. That he’s working on communicating with his friends more, checking in with each other to not drown alone in all of the new changes happening between them all. That he’s taking a moment to discover more about himself outside of swimming, still finding moments where he can to be a person outside of being an athlete, because it’s largely on him to ground himself with memories and people to create a work/life balance. Y’know, all of the stuff that gets put into post-ES and university au fics, and that showed up a liiiittle bit in s3.

That’s the hard part with Final Stroke, I think. You keep giving over faith to the story because Haru’s frustrated and earnest insistence to take on the world and keep his important bonds close at hand is alluring. The premise of Haru hearing Ikuya call him a hero, having to sit with that knowledge of how many of his friends look up to him (or once looked up to him) in that way, and now grappling with “oh, I chose a dream where I’m going to still have eyes looking up at me, every move I make influencing way more than just me” — that’s fascinating if handled with care! Does he still want to be an ordinary person, and what does it mean to be an ordinary person, really? How much of himself and his core values is he willing to examine, redefine, compromise, and/or let go in pursuit of this dream? Does he know he’s allowed to still change his dream? I was willing to head out the FS storyline, especially when it showed signs of “yeah, Haru’s going tf through it just like what a lot of y’all worried about happening” for the slim (but still present) chance that they’d entertain any of the previous questions. If you’re gonna show Haru, a person who has been steadily becoming more in tune with his convictions and what he wants out of life, get lost in tunnel vision and fall to pieces, you better be prepared to show me the lengths this guy and his core supports are willing to go to to create a new steady routine for this utter creature of habit. If you’re going to frame the story in a way that tries to push this dream being something he truly wants, then convince me.

The strongest parts by the end of the story are the domestic bits of camaraderie almost completely removed from the relay or competitions. Hell, there’s even more charm in the rehab and practices with Makoto and Nao, because they’re still goofing around with everyone and actively showing why their friendships are freakin magic. Those are the moments that make you believe that something awesome is happening by the time they’re in a pool together and making their dramatic proclamations of swimming for their bonds, and you let yourself get lost in the performance of it all. And that’s the thing!! I want to get lost in the friendship sauce and enjoy this movie!! I want it to feel like even if it’s not perfect or conclusive, it’s a send off that honors character progression in a semi-satisfying way. I want to spend time smiling about it in the aftermath and then creating to expand on joy. Currently, I’m operating on a mix of love and spite, and I’m understanding people’s draw to creating fix-it fics. I’ve spent days sitting and chewing on my opinion because I couldn’t bring myself to be comfortable with saying I was critical of it beyond a few conversations, but the time spent coming up with reasons to like it and convince myself that if I keep turning scenes from different angles and squinting that it’ll all make sense I think speaks for itself.

Like, I still want to talk about it and explore what can be said about the characters and their connections with the crumbs we were given. I came to the blorbo end-of-semester dance recital and I want to politely clap at the routine for their sake. I’m just not completely sold right now on what we were given without implanting a lot of outside assumptions and prior character knowledge/analyses in there to fill the holes.

[minamorsart]

How S3EP1 foreshadowed Rinharu's conclusion in The Final Stroke part 2

This iconic scene between Haru and Rin in season 3 has always intrigued me. As a huge Star Wars fan, I personally like to refer to it as the Force Bond moment. Kyoani stop reading my diary lol.

Long read under the cut!

Without trying to look too much through the lens of my own shipping goggles, I'd like to get into what is so important about this Force Bond moment and how it pertains to one of the plot points in FS2. Ever since I watched season 3 for the first time last December, I'd been wondering what the significance of this scene was, its purpose. Indeed, it shows the unique connection that Rin and Haru have always had ― the idea that no matter where they are in the world, they are able to feel the other's presence in the water, thus it serves as a reminder to them the reason they are swimming and what to aim for.

But what else does it have to do with the two of them and swimming? It is not only that they are starting and finishing at the same time in this scene, but in my opinion it is that they are swimming freestyle specifically that is important. And now that The Final Stroke part 2 has come out, I finally understand.

"When I swim for real, it's always free."

Because this entire sequence intentionally parallels Haru and Rin as they swim, I'd like to think that even though Haru is the one who says this line, Rin shares the same sentiment.

I love that Rin specializes in two different strokes. Butterfly is the most difficult one, yet Rin chooses to swim both butterfly and freestyle. It demonstrates his strength, his dedication, and his perseverance. It's just another thing to add to the list of why I love Rin so much. It demonstrates his competitiveness, but also his selfishness. But just as I love Rin for all of his good qualities, I also love him for his flaws. He's not perfect; that's the point. That makes him relatable and someone worth rooting for.

Rin wants everything ― to excel in both strokes, to compete at the world level, to win a gold medal, to stand on the same stage as Haru, etc. He's elated when he wins and he's crushed when he loses, yet he picks himself back up and keeps trying, and part of that is thanks to Haru and vice versa.

So after watching FS1, the idea of Rin permanently dropping free was a legitimate fear that I had. Sure, if Rin stuck with butterfly, he and Haru could still do relays together, and relays have always been an important aspect of Free!, but it just wouldn't be the same if they didn't race each other in freestyle anymore. Freestyle is just one part of their friendship, their rivalry, their dynamic which is always so much fun to watch. It's something that the franchise has demonstrated over and over again, how they continue to push each other and guide each other. Racing freestyle is their thing.

FS2 erased all of my fears, but if I had only paid attention to all of the signs, then the answer would have been clear to see long before. Their race in S3EP1 is one of those signs, a seed planted, evidence that Rin and Haru are not only meant to swim together, but also evidence of one very crucial thing which can be found in this conversation/interview that the two of them have, referring to that very moment:

Rin: Haru, how’s university life for you? Have you gotten used to your team?

Haruka: I told you last time. Not much has changed. What about you?

Rin: What’s with that. You’re so cold. You never tell me anything.

Haruka: I tell you a bit. So, how are you?

Rin: ……!!!! Well, it’s moving along. Because of Mikhail’s training schedule, I’m able to keep my speed up at the end of races. But I still feel like I did my best swimming on the day I first trained with Mikhail.

Haruka: I see. Speaking of, I think the first time I swam with the Hidaka swimming club was the time I swam the most natural with the water. University pools have a different feel than high school ones.

Haru and Rin swim their best when they are swimming together. This is the message. They are better together. And it's funny because they go on to say that them swimming so well that time is probably due to the fact that swimming pools at universities have better equipment than those at high schools, but I don't think that's all of it! It is obvious that individually, Rin and Haru were aware that they felt the other's presence in the water, but I don't think they had any idea that the feeling was mutual. And of course they don't talk about it. There are a lot of things that they don't talk about, which leads to so many misunderstandings between them. Those silly fools haha. I love them dearly.

We as the audience can infer that Rin and Haru are better together from what the show has provided us, but the fact that it is explicitly stated in this conversation between the two of them, even if they were not aware of it at the time, is really, really exciting! FS2 once again reaffirms this in the night pool scene, when Haru is able to enjoy swimming again when he swims with Rin. And not only that, but two staff members who witness their race make a comment that they may have set a world record. You can read a fantastic summary of FS2 here.

FS1 set up that fear of Rin dropping free, which was cruel XD but I understand now that it had to happen. Not only for the sake of drama, but because it was one last hurdle for Rin and Haru to overcome. They needed that conflict so that they could finally be on the same page and take the next step forward into their relationship. However one may view said relationship, whether platonically or romantically, there is no doubt that them swimming together was one of the critical issues addressed in part 2, and that they really are better together.

Since I have not seen part 2 yet and all of my knowledge comes from reading the graciously provided spoilers on the internet, there may be more to Rin and Haru's relationship that the movie touched on that I am not aware of. I didn't really get into Rin and Haru's characters and the nuances and complexities they have as individuals, but those are very important as well. And there are plenty of seeds scattered throughout the franchise hinting at their true potential together that I haven't mentioned either! But the Force Bond moment is one that really hits home for me. I don't know if something like that will ever happen again, but it still amazes me that it actually exists. It still amazes me that FS2 exists in all honesty!

Whatever the future holds for the Free! franchise, whether or not we will get to witness Haru and Rin pursue their dream in the world together, I still would love to see how their relationship will play out going forward. I want to see them cheer each other on and fire each other up. I want to see them have their fun banter and tease each other. I want to see them have their silly competitions where suddenly nothing else matters and it's just the two of them in their own little world, while their friends watch in exasperation lol.

But most of all, if there are any more hurdles that come their way, I want to see them overcome them together. I think at this point it's safe to say that they are on their way to being fully committed to each other, if they aren't already. It doesn't mean that there aren't going to be any hardships, that it's always going to be sunshine and rainbows, and that's okay. Relationships take work and they take compromise, but that's what I love about Rin and Haru. Their love and hate, push and pull, on and off again relationship, the amount of time they go without seeing each other, the long distance between them, is so compelling because it's so realistic. And I especially love that even though they 100% fit the trope of opposites attract, that's not all that defines them. They are so much more. They are wonderful people on their own, but they are also better together.

Rin and Haru have a really unique bond that has had me hooked ever since the beginning. I genuinely think they are soulmates, for soulmates come in all forms, whether it's your close friend, family member, or romantic partner. And it seriously feels SO good for a pairing I love to be explicitly validated in canon. Not a single one of my other favorite pairings have been validated to the extent that these two have. I'll love Rin and Haru forever ❤️💙

P.S. "Pretty" by Astrid S & Dagny is such a rinharu song. It fits them so perfectly I can't believe it ;_;

[skania]

The Final Stroke: Thoughts on Haru's conflict (+Rin)

Okay so reading all the summaries of The Final Stroke Part 1 has left me with A LOT of thoughts. About Haru, about Rin, about Rin & Haru and how all the different character conflicts will be tied together in Part 2.

BUT since I have been waiting YEARS for Free! to feed me some juicy Haru conflict, of course I'm sinking my teeth into that first because peeling off Haru's layers has always been my favorite Free! sport.

It's been a long while since I've tried to get into Haru's head AND I haven't even watched the movie yet so I'm probably wrong, but here goes nothing. As per usual, it will be long and image-heavy because I can't keep things short and sweet to save my life.

Also, it's heavy on spoilers about The Final Stroke so please do not read without reading Fencer's summary first!

AND since it's basically impossible to discuss Haru without discussing Rin and vice-versa, please do also expect a healthy dose of RinHaru.

Utsumi: Indeed; it’s a path Haruka never would have chosen himself. But despite claims that he doesn’t care about winning or losing or scoring certain times, he’s always been attentive to Rin’s presence. [x]

Please assume there's a huge "IMO" attached to this whole post.

In Season 1, we saw Haru struggle to understand that the reason for his emotional turmoil was quite simply that he wanted to swim with Rin again.

In Season 2, we saw Haru struggle because he wanted to follow Rin into the Pro world, but he felt like he didn't deserve to do so because he didn't have a dream and thus, no strong feelings about competitive swimming itself.

Needless to say, there's a pattern.

In Season 3, the series kind of took a detour. Still, it did plant some seeds, the most important IMO being the following:

"After I hit 20, I will be..."

"If you ask me what lies ahead of me, I..."

"You can't survive without throwing something away. I didn't want to throw anything away. But I lost."

"Maybe I don't deserve to compete at the global level."

Road to the World adds some extra layers to all that by showing us just what else is connected to that fear of Haru's.

Because, what do we see after Rin tells Haru that no matter what wall [Rin] faces, the one thing that doesn't change is his desire to keep swimming with [Haru]?

We see the moment Rin tells Haru "aim for the world with me, Haru!". Then, the moment Rin asks Haru what his dream is—right when Haru finally felt free after achieving the dream he had that season, that of swimming with Rin again. Lastly, we see the moment Rin asks Haru "what will you do?" when it comes to choosing between swimming in a recreational pool, or the one used by the National Team.

Every single one of these moments brought Haru closer to his dream—and Rin is the common factor in them all. So when Rin tells Haru,

It's obvious by those flashbacks alone what Haru's answer is. He, too, wants to keep swimming with Rin in that world.

But before the thought can fully form in Haru's mind, Albert flashes through it. We immediately see Haru's disposition change, and the result is the most telling of all.

Just like always, the imagery is on point. Rin and his desire to swim with him give Haru strength and purpose and Haru clenches his fist—but this time, Albert seeps that strength from him until his fist goes limp. And suddenly, Haru doesn't know what to say to Rin anymore.

Because, what Albert makes Haru wonder, is this:

From my limited perspective (like I said before, I haven't watched TFS yet), I think that might just be where the heart of Haru's issue in The Final Stroke lies.

I think a big part of why Haru wants to win against Albert so badly is probably because he wants to prove to himself that he does deserve to be in that world—like Rin. That all his friends are right to believe in him.

And he feels even more pressured because he thinks he's running out of time.

All this pressure to win—not to feel the water better or to be the best in the water he loves so much, but simply to win before he's "ordinary"—does not let Haru swim freely. He doesn’t swim like himself.

He is probably terrified of his own limits and of how close he might be to hitting them, and this fear and pressure are binding him.

Moreover, while Haru decided that he wanted to swim in that world, the truth is that he doesn’t know what the future holds for him.

He has no long-term, tangible plans. Unlike Rin, who wants to win a gold medal, Haru just wants to swim "in the whole world". This, added to the fact that he thinks he’ll be ordinary by 20 and that he has not managed to beat Albert, makes it so Haru is basically blinded to what the future can bring for him. He can’t see that sight.

Part of the reason for this, I feel, is that the series has never addressed the big elephant in the room.

What exactly does Haru get out of competitive swimming, besides swimming with Rin? Because "swimming in that world" is nice and sweet and idealistic, but it doesn't cover the fact of racing itself.

I used to talk a lot about why Haru needed to find a reason to enjoy competing even when it isn't against Rin. That he needed to find a reason to want that for himself. I even thought S3 may finally go for it, but it ended without Haru finding meaning in that "world of wins and losses", as he used to call it.

Usually, he’d look at Rin to point the way forward. And it is knowing that Rin (and to a lesser extent, Ikuya) is there fighting with him and aiming for the world as well that gives Haru some reassurance.

However, from what we know from the summaries, Haru isn’t thinking of them when he swims. He is entirely caught up on needing to beat Albert because of what it has come to represent to him.

There’s also the issue of Haru’s competitiveness. Haru spent a long time suppressing it and only indulging in it with Rin. But he has always wanted to be the best in the water—the one who "feels" it best.

It wasn’t that he wanted to win, or that he hated losing; it was just that he couldn’t simply accept that there was someone who could feel the water more than he could. (x)

So when you combine all of this, I feel like Haru has lost sight of the most important thing—that instead of swimming just to win, like it’s a job, he should swim to feel the water he loves so much and, most importantly, for the team (with his friend’s feelings in his heart).

That way, he could swim like himself and the water won’t be sad nor lonely.

This all sounds like a lot and it is. Haru is all but suffocating under this weight.

So, when Rin comes and tells him that [Haru] will be facing Albert alone—that they aren’t fighting him together, like Haru hoped for—Haru snaps.

It’s not only that what Haru perceives as the biggest obstacle to his dream (Albert) is standing before Haru (alone) and Rin won’t be there to share his struggles, but also that Rin is the reason he’s there in the first place because Rin is the one that made Haru stop wanting to be ordinary.

He’s the reason why he’s gotten to this point and the reason he came into the global stage and ran into Albert. He’s also the biggest thing Haru will lose if he can’t win against Albert—because if Haru’s dream ends, he won’t get to swim with Rin in that world anymore.

And now Rin’s walking away from swimming free and leaving him alone with this beast of a swimming machine and with [Haru’s] own limitations. And Haru feels trapped. He feels bitter. He feels betrayed. Terrified.

And, of course, lost. Because just like Rin once said, "Without you, I have nothing to aim for, you know?"

So, he snaps.

And by burning bridges with Rin, the very embodiment of "For the Team", the one person that he has always wanted to swim with most of all, the one whose feelings he was still connected to above all—by virtue of swimming together in that world, by sharing a dream—Haru now feels like he's truly alone in the water.

Haru is essentially turning his back on the very reason he swims for—in more ways than one. So, he’s becoming a second Albert. Only there to win, not to have fun.

Because that’s the thing. Haru says he’s doing it for his dream, but since he can’t see that dream clearly, he lacks direction. All he can see is the immediate future and all that stares back at him are his own limitations—embodied by Albert himself.

Albert represents, then, the road Haru must not take. Haru can’t be all about becoming stronger simply for the sake of winning—and he must definitely not do so alone. Like Ikuya said in S3, if Haru isn't gaining that strength for someone else (the team), there's no point.

So, since this is Free!, Haru needs to go back to his roots and truly swim for the team once again. But I feel like he also needs to re-contextualize his dream and truly define what it entails, for once and for all. Which, if we go by everything we've seen so far—should involve swimming with Rin.

Only then will he be able to swim freely again.

There's A LOT of foreshadowing and things from S3 that will most likely play a role in that and I haven't even touched Rin's choice to not swim free anymore, but this has gotten really long and I've run out of image slots lmao so I'll just have to ramble about those some other time 🙇‍♀️

[datheetjoella]

Fantober 2020, Day 30: Domesticated

Author: DatHeetJoella Fandom: Free! Pairing: MakoHaru Rating: T Part: 30/31 (read the full collection here) Word count: 1,821 Tags: Canonverse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Domesticity, Accidental Marriage Proposal Read at: AO3, FFn, or right here!

                                             -----------------------------------

Unlike many others, Haruka didn't go to work in the morning with dread in his gut. He had turned his passion into his career and despite there still being days when we'd rather swim leisurely than be barked at by his coach, he hadn't reached the point yet where he had gotten tired of training.

Nevertheless, Haruka's favourite moment of the day was unlocking the door to their apartment, where he could relax on the couch and unwind in the bath, but most importantly, where he could see Makoto again. Finally, that moment had arrived.

Muffled noises resonated through the walls, informing him that Makoto was home early. That knowledge brought a smile to Haruka's face. Although his day had been pretty good so far, he could always use a bright grin, a loving embrace and a tender kiss. Time to replenish his Makoto-well.

He stashed his key back into his pocket and pushed down the doorknob. "I'm home," he called out as he kicked off his shoes. He didn't get a response, so he ditched his bag in front of the bathroom door and went inside.

Makoto was standing in the middle of the living room with his back turned to him, pushing their wireless, low-decibel vacuum around the coffee table. It had been a gift from his mom on his previous birthday - yes, Haruka had reached the age where his parents gave him practical things as presents. Recently, she had become obsessed with high-tech appliances and after he off-handedly mentioned the cord of the vacuum getting tangled when he was on the phone with her while cleaning, she took it upon herself to rid him of those issues.

It had cost far more than Haruka would ever be willing to pay for a vacuum cleaner, but admittedly, it performed amazingly and left their old, cheap one in the dust. Vacuuming had been at the bottom of both of their lists in terms of chore-preferences, but this one ran so smoothly it eradicated the reasons they disliked it.

But the vacuum wasn't why Makoto hadn't heard him; after all, it was relatively quiet. It were the headphones covering his ears that caused him to miss Haruka's arrival.

Haruka opened his mouth to call out again rather than touching his shoulder or jumping in front of him, lest he startle him. But he abruptly shut up when Makoto started to sing along to his music.

His soft voice filled the room, bouncing off the walls and the notes immediately nestled themselves in a chamber of Haruka's heart. Ever since they were kids, Makoto had been the better singer between the two of them, but as he grew older and his voice matured, Makoto improved even more. His vocal range was pretty wide so he could effortlessly sing along to a variety of genres, be it mellow ballads or high-tempo rock songs. While Makoto's voice was already a treat to listen to when he talked, hearing him sing was a rare but very welcome massage to Haruka's eardrums.

To suit his voice, Makoto's taste in music was also very broad. He enjoyed almost anything, so sharing earbuds with him or passing him the aux cord in the car meant Haruka was in for a surprise. This time, he was singing along to an upbeat song by some foreign pop group that was often played on the radio and in stores. The lyrics described the sea breeze and silver sand on a summer night and although it was a bit out of season now they were well into autumn, Makoto's beautiful voice made it sound like a timeless serenade.

With bated breath, Haruka watched and listened. The sight of Makoto singing while vacuuming was rather mundane, something that could happen on any given day of the week, yet it made Haruka's chest brim with profound affection. He could travel the world, eat mackerel at Michelin-star restaurants, swim in every body of water within existence, and he still wouldn't be as happy as he was now. Trophies and the thrill of competing were a great bonus, but all that mattered was this; after work, he came home to the person he loved more than life itself, carefree and content.

When Makoto turned around the table to vacuum the floor on the other side, their eyes met and a wide smile lit up his handsome face. "Ah, Haru, I didn't hear you come in. Welcome home."

Naturally, Haruka smiled too. "I'm home," he said again.

After he turned off the vacuum, Makoto fished his phone out of his pocket to stop the music and put his headphones down on the table. Then, he went over to Haruka to engulf him in a big hug and welcome him home properly. As their lips met in a gentle kiss, Haruka realised he had been wrong; this was his favourite moment of the day.

He cupped Makoto's face, the faintest hint of stubble on his jaw prickling his fingertips and although it was a feeling he otherwise found unpleasant, the roughness was kind of nice now. It was a part of Makoto and since it would be gone tomorrow morning after he shaved, Haruka had to savour it now.

Makoto pulled back sooner than he would've liked, but Haruka wouldn't sweat it. There was more than enough time left in the day to dedicate to loving kisses.

"When you unload your bag, you can leave your towels and swimsuit in front of the washing machine instead of putting them in the laundry basket," Makoto said, "I'm doing laundry anyway so I'll put them in once this round is done."

"Vacuuming, doing laundry," Haruka said with a huff of amusement, "Are you aiming to be a house husband?"

"Depends." Makoto shrugged. "Are your applications open?"

"I guess."

"Then does that mean I'm hired?"

"Who else would I hire?"

Makoto chuckled. "Does that mean we're married now?"

A large question mark appeared above Haruka's head. Had he just proposed to Makoto? "Engaged, I think?" Haruka said with a frown. This was not how he expected this milestone to go down. He'd thought there would be at least more gasps of surprise, fireworks and perhaps even a tear or two. Not a joking remark on an extraordinarily normal day. "This is the most confusing proposal I've ever heard."

More melodic laughter streamed from Makoto's mouth. "It's not exactly how I had envisioned it either, but I must say I quite like it. It was so easy and natural, like everything else between us is, too," he said and he did have a point. "Besides, I'm happy with the upgrade. I was never a fan of the term 'boyfriends' anyway. 'Fiancés' has a much nicer ring to it, doesn't it?"

In Haruka's opinion, it did sound a lot better. Fiancé was more encompassing than the term boyfriend was, and while Makoto was undoubtedly his boyfriend, he was so much more than that. He was his best friend, his better half, his Makoto. "How did you think of me before if you don't like the word 'boyfriend' then?"

"My partner, my significant other, my best friend with a whole bunch of benefits," Makoto said with a playful raise of his eyebrows, but then he smiled, soft and genuine. "My Haru-chan."

It was the answer Haruka could've predicted, yet it still made heat rush to his cheeks. "Drop the '-chan'."

Makoto snorted. He raised his hand and carded his fingers through Haruka's black locks. "Hey, Haru?"

"What?"

"Do you think I'll be a good husband?"

"Your cooking skills can use some brushing up," Haruka said with a smirk, earning himself an offended 'hey!' from Makoto. "But other than that, you'll be the perfect husband."

"Thanks," Makoto said, leaning down to plant a kiss on the tip of Haruka's nose. "You will, too, but I already told you that, didn't I?"

Haruka nodded, smiling as he recalled it. "During our second year of high school, when I was teaching you how to cook mackerel in miso for Ran and Ren."

"Back then, you said you weren't interested in getting married."

It was true. When he was younger he had no intention to get married, but that was because it wasn't possible to marry Makoto and it wasn't like there was anyone else he wanted to be with. It was a great relief that over the years, it had become an option. "I changed my mind."

A warm twinkle shone in Makoto's eyes. "I'm glad. Although I'm happy enough just being with you, there's something extra special about our relationship being officially and legally recognised, don't you think?"

Haruka nodded. According to their friends, they'd been like an old married couple since they were kids so in that regard, nothing would change. But even if the nature of their bond didn't change, the way the world viewed them would. Whenever Haruka met someone new, it was difficult to explain what Makoto was to him: with the title of husband, all those problems would vanish and everyone would understand immediately that Makoto was his world.

"If we get married in a few years, we'll be able to save up for a ceremony on the beach, and maybe for a honeymoon in Okinawa," Makoto said and Haruka's heart swelled at the thought, "But for now, we'll enjoy the fiancé-stage of our relationship."

"Yeah," Haruka said. Their lives were a bit too hectic to get married right away, but that didn't mean they couldn't fantasise about it. They would have plenty of time to dream up the perfect wedding. "To celebrate our engagement, I'll cook a special dinner tonight. What would you like to eat?"

"Mackerel."

"Mackerel?" Haruka asked with a frown. "Not green curry?"

Makoto shook his head. "Mackerel is my fiancé's favourite food."

That made Haruka's stomach flutter. Could Makoto be any more kind and selfless? He was truly proving himself as husband-material. "I'll make a chocolate cake for dessert then. That's my fiancé's favourite pastry."

At the mention of chocolate cake, Makoto's smile softened. "Thanks, Haru," he said and pressed a sweet kiss to Haruka's lips. "There isn't anyone in the entire world who I'd rather spend my life with, so thank you for choosing to be with me again and again."

"Me neither," Haruka said, tightening his arms around Makoto's neck. Revealing the contents of his heart remained to be something he struggled with, but Makoto deserved to hear just how much he meant to him. No matter how difficult something was, for Makoto he'd always try his best. "I love you."

"I love you too," Makoto said as he leaned their foreheads together, their noses touching. "So, so much."

Their eyes fell shut as their lips met in another passionate kiss.

If every day with Makoto was this domestic and comfortable, then Haruka was already looking forward to all the years yet to come.

[rinharu-purple]

MakoHaru vs. RinHaru is like Apples vs. Pears

Ooohhh, how nice that we have a horrific pandemic hugging our from us fellow humans cruelly treated earth, so that we could stay at our homes, bake our own bread, have hundreds of zoom talks and try to learn how to knit a sweater for our dog. Everybody chooses another recreational activity to spend their time at their homes...Me? Well. I can  finally write my thoughts on Makoharu vs Rinharu ship war because that's my business and knitting has never been my forte...oooor writing gramatically perfect essays and yet here - we - are.

I think Makoharu and Rinharu are veeeery different and I will try to tell you in this post why is it that I think so...(nope, not because I'm a Rinharu shipper, why would you think that, and no there will be no Makoto shaming, he's a precious baby boy and I love him)

Lets start with the context, in which these two kinds of relationships can be found in.

Makoharu is the “We have been best friends since we were in our diapers and now we are like siamese twins, like salt and pepper, like Ernie and Birt, like avocado and lime juice” type.

Mako and Haru got to know each other while they were 6 years old when Makoto tripped on a sand castle on the playground and Haru helped himto stand up. Ever since then, it's almost always has been Makoto's mission to help Haru stand up, get up or get out of any situation, pool or bath. They are neighbour kids so they've spent their entire life together. Day by day, year by year. They've started swimming in a SC together,  went to the same school and then attended to the same university. Even when they were on school trips outside the city, they would share the same room. So unsparable they've always been. Considering the fact that they are currently in their early twenties, they must have spent almost 15 years together. In that point they no longer need to use words to communicate or Haru has to tell Makoto about his problems. Makoto can always be spot on about Haru's concerns whereas Haru can sense when something's up with Makoto, even though he's not so spot on as Makoto. Haru is not the best when it comes to seeing through the souls of people. He has a quite accurate sense of detecting suffering souls though.

Makoto is always observing and following Haru in a not creepy way. Makoto is loyal to Haru and givies Haru a safe space, where he could always go to, when in distress. Makoto is the translator to Haru's thoughts and feelings, when it's far too uncomfortable for him to express his thoughts himself or the replier to his unasked questions, when its too embarrasing for him to pose them. He gives him handkerchiefs, when he sneezes, tells him to get out of the pool because its still too early to swim outdoors. He also guides other people in their handling of Haru, so that he wouldn' be put into unsettling situations. Makoto is taking over the role of a protector for Haru. Some also see Makoto in a maternal archetype. Even though I find this a little bit far fetched, Makoto is definitiely the mother figure in the team, that's for sure. Just not in this duo.

What is then Haru's role in this relationship? What does Haru think of Makoto canonically? I really had to skip this part and give it some thought before writing anything about this, because I didn't have any straight answer at the first time. Haru cares a lot for Makoto. I mean, we all saw how he freaked out when he's nearly drown in the ocean. He also reacts frantically, when Makoto tells him about his plans to go to Tokyo.Haru is also very sensitive about Makoto's fear of the ocean and always tries to stay between Makoto and the ocean while taking walks at the beach. But Haru usually goes his own way, doing his own things, regardles of Makoto. Sometimes it's almost like he would take Makoto for granted, especially when he's lost way too much in his own problems. He doesn't see Makoto as a basic part of his swimming career and also doesn't confide in him in topics regarding Rin. For example he never told him why he'd quit swimming and he also didn't mention him about the “fence tension”. Makoto is transparent with Haru, but can we say it other way around as well? We saw Makoto struggle with his feelings towards swimming in High Speed and Haru could only catch up to this after quite some time. The same goes for Makoto's dilemma about his future plans in Eternal Summer, because Haru was dwelled way too deep on his own dilemma. What about their team relay in the first season? When he's shattered to pieces because Rin won the 100 m freestyle race, he just disappeared and discarded anyone else. This might be te only unbalanced element in the MakoHaru relationship.

Whatever the roles in that ship might be, due to their closeness and co-dependence Makoto and Haru are extremely comfortable around each other and trust each other completely. It is an established relationship which has very strong roots. It is an unbreakable bond. This is the main context of this ship. What about RinHaru?

Rinharu is the “Ever since I've met you my life hasn't been the same and I can't stand you yet you complete me trope... like yin and yang, like Mr. Darcy and Elisabeth, like two polars of a compass, same same but different” type.

Rin and Haru have always been rivals but also friends. They would compete in every single silly challenge out there, but then set the prize in rather questionable things like “the winner carries the loser bridal style”. They are responsible for the most of the emotional meltdowns of each other but then again they are also the ones to gather the broken pieces of each other and “save” one another. On the other hand, they contuniously keep taps on each other, observe one other from behind the scenes. They also are not using words to communicate like in MakoHaru, the only difference from MakoHaru ist that not only they fail to understand each without words but they also misinterpret each other and therefore have many quarrels along the way. Then again we have many intimate scenes between them, mostly at night, in a car, on a bench, in Haru's room or in the same bed abroad, in which they express their thoughts and feelings very straightforward with clear sentences. No innuendos, no sugary coats, no ego-masks. As honest as they can be. More interestingly, those feelings and thoughts usually turn out to be mutual. They think and feel the same way, they just don't confess them often. It is a relationship of two opposing ends all the time and yet they crave to be next to one another, swim together, see the world together, be like one another, cherish their moments and memories together.  They appear to be  the “opposites attract” stereotype, but they keep growing, expanding and evolving. Neither them nor us viewers know what the next scene in their relationship will be like. It's a relationship that's still in the making, they dont' have an established pattern.

As much as MakoHaru will stay being best friends RinHaru will also stay being friendly rivals, regardless- of any other direction their ship may take. Imo those are the foundations of these two ships, so how are they played out in the series? What is the tone of these relationships?

Makoharu is green and blue, you mix them and you have either a darker or a lighter shade of green

I've just described MakoHaru as an established, safe relationship. It's not only that, but its also a harmonious one. Makoto and Haru are harmoniously compatible with each other. They don't argue much, or have completely opposite opinions, wishes, desires. Even when they differ in their ways, they still manage to find a common ground and keep theit relationship on track. So that's why the producers always give MakoHaru scenes a stabile tone. They don't have drama, but they also don't have emotions on the extreme end of the spectrum. The comforting atmosphere is the basic of their interactions. When they have an argument, they work this through swiftly, and close the deal. They don't carry the burden along the way, they just leave it there.

In illustrations Makoto and Haru are mostly portrayed facing the same direction, wearing the same uniform (obviously), in the same setting, in cooperation. Their Drama CD stories are also that of two characters getting along well. Makoto pampers Haru to his good health as a firefighter and protects him from the police or they cook a meal together and Haru plays to role of a trainer to Makoto. But hey are also portrayed like a somewhat married couple in a domestic seeting. Even Nagisa mentions in the first season that hey look like a newlywed couple. Btw I really think that Nagisa is a hardcore MakoHaru shipper.

RinHaru is red and blue, you mix them than you have motherf#cking purple!

“.. like yin and yang, like Mr. Darcy and Elisabeth, like two polars of a compass, same same but different”  of course they are red and blue! Red and blue are two of the three main colors so they are not harmonious. When mixed they try first to dominate each other but when they finally blend, they make the sophisticated yet charming purple. Something that is neigther blue nor red, something brand new and that's RinHaru. When they are together they clash, they compete, they try to dominate each other but once they finally give in, it's a sight we've never seen before. The ever unforseeable atmosphere sets the tone of RinHaru, which is why both Rin and Haru are still insecure about each other and because their reactions are unpredictable to each other. They appear to be indifferent or comfortable when together and yet there is a certain lack of confidence in their  interactions. They break their heads while contemplating about each others actions and carry the burdens of the unanswered questions in their own heads for quite some time.

In the official artworks they are mostly looking at each other, provoking each other or“mirroring” each other. They are moving forward on their own paths, but in the same direction. Their Drama CD stories show Rin as a policeman, who try to arrest the trespassing merman Haru but then end up showing him his favorite sights and Haru offering him his blood to save his life. In the second one, Haru and Rin, on their way back from the high school regional tournament, at night, using the only time to spend some time together, reminiscing about their eternal summer together and making promises about the future. In another one, Rin is spending the night at Haru's and they once again reminiscence about their childhood and then it takes a misleading turn which includes teenage boys keeping books under their beds. There are always some intimate sparkles in those stories and Haru and Rin always have a romantic moment, in which either one does something romantic to the other or they share theit romantic thoughts about their relationship. RinHaru in my opinion is handled like a "beginning of the relationship" couple. They are exploring their feelings and their relationship progresses with time.

And that is an important point. MakoHaru might be portrayed like a married couple but they are not one. On the other hand, RinHaru really is an everevolving relationship. MakoHaru's setting hasn't changed ever since the first season but RinHaru is taking a different turn in every single one.

Here is a brief comparison of the first and last highlighting interactions of the both ships in each season.

First Season:

In the first season MakuHaru starts as it always does. Makoto pulls Haru out of his bathtub so that he could go to school in time, much like in the past. And there are important scenes in which they express their appreciation for them sticking to each other. RinHaru on the contrary, starts on a bitter note due to their dispute from the middle school and keep a cold face until they both speak or in this case shout/cry out their true feelings and make up.

Second season:

Second season also starts with Makoto pulling up Haru out of his baththub and ends in the same manner, even though they also have a fight because Makoto also tries to bring Haru to his senses about giving more serious thoughts to his future plans. RinHaru starts the second season with a new set of feelings. They set a new tournament record and reach the finish line at the same time, giving each other high five and experiencing this new “fired up face” sensation. At the end of the season we see them again at the starting block on neighboring lanes, but this time they give each other a confident, challenging and yet playful smile before diving in.

Third season:

In the final season up to date Haru and Makoto are attending university in Tokyo and to my surprise aren’t living together. Their first scene is as usual Makoto helping Haru out of water but Haru, this time, pulls Makoto right into the pool, pointing to the fact that Haru, indeed, has become more assertive and confident in his actions. At the end of the season, we see them both still meeting as best friends and studying together. Rin and Haru set off for the final lap of the series miles apart, nonetheless we find them thinking about each other, while they’re in water. Being far awy no longer bringst fear to their relationship, since they know that they are working towards the same goal and that their paths will cross again. And exactly this is what we see in the very final scene. Haru and Rin, standing side by side, at the international stage. Wondering what the future holds for them, but one thing is for sure...They’re diving into the future as a duo.

So when we leave every other scene out of the discussion and solely focus on what are the starting and ending status of these two ships are, we can see that MakoHaru stays stable over the years and don’t show much change, whereas RinHaru evolves and progresses over time and these guys are feeling closer to each other despite spending most of their times apart.

So how do the other characters react to these ships?

Well as mentioned earlier Nagisa is definitely a MakoHaru shipper. He makes suggestive comments about their relationships amd is also very attentive to Mako’s worries about Haru which brings me to Makoto’s reactions to RinHaru. Why was Makoto jealous of Rin and wanted to race him in freestyle? I think Makoto was jealous of Rin because he’ realized that there is someone, who occupies a certain area in Haru’s life, which he cannot be involved in. This would make any best friend uncomfortable and he also confides in Rin after his fight with Haru. Rin on the other hand accepts MakoHaru as best friends and supports it and tries to cheer up Haru about his fight with Makoto by saying that Sousuke und him fight all the time. Sousuke also seems to be aware of the dynamic of RinHaru and is quite cold towards Haru while messing with Rin about his fixation on Haru. He is also quite aware about Rin’s expressions changing while tlaking about Haru, so he senses something out of the ordinary there. Rin’s homestay parents also give Haru a wink while telling him that Rin used to mention from someone whom he looks up to. Ikuya as a newly introduced character, also shows some jelaousy like behaviour towards Rin, although this behaviour is pretty mutual. but I could see Ikuya having more concerns than Rin here. Let’s also not forget about how even Kisumi’s realized that Haru appeared to be lonesome, when Rin was in Australia during middle school (which Haru silently confirms during Ikuya’s heartfelt burst out in Starting Days). People know, that there is something more then what meets the eye for RinHaru.

In total, MakoHaru has always been a relationship, which owed its strength to its stability and therefore is a very rooted and powerful relationship. Makoto is without a doubt Haru’s best friend and he will remain being that. However I don’t think there has been more than that and also don’t see it turning into something romantic. I mean, like 19 year old college students in Tokyo, don’t you think that they would at least get into a flatting situation if they were more intimacy there? (or maybe this isn’t something common for Japan, I dunno). Since Makoto’s journey takes a different orientation than Haru’s I wouldn’t be surprised if Makoto would soon have a girlfriend. I see Makoto more of a heterosexual guy tbh.

RinHaru on the other side, is still a story in the making and their strong feelings and obsession for each other and most importantly, their paths finally meet and they will be able to finally spent more time together and get to know each other even more. Considering the passion, intimate moments and their desire to be together could turn into something in romantic. I think the romantic feelings between Rin and Haru have been there right from the beginning, but they had to live through all kinds of experiences and form their personas as professional swimmers and find their true identities, while establishing their relationship first before giving thought to what other feelings might be there. So its just a matter of time, that they become aware and act upon these feelings, so we could just hope that we got more Free! productions.

Thank you everyone, who’s made it this far. I know it’s been a long post, but there was no way for me to cover it any shorter than that. Please excuse any typo or grammatical mistakes. I checked the whole text twice, but I’m pretty sure, that I’ve oversaw many mistakes. Did you like it though? Would you add/change something in it? Let me know. I would love to hear your opinions!

[jikyuuryoku]

i asked:

(▰˘◡˘▰) hee

@dxving / @petrichaxx​ replied:

He’s practiced in the mirror a hundred times, his breath is a fresh cinnamon (because mint is overrated), and he’s made multiple plans on how to not crash and burn should things go awry – namely, should Ai reject him.  He should be more confident. He’s an Olympian to be, fighting his hardest day in and day out at the pool, and yet –

Something as simple as a stroll with Ai has him quaking, unnerved and unable to find the sense of control he’s supposed to have. To catch up, he half-lies. Even the ocean view as they walk along the path near the beach, something that should be calming, doesn’t quell his anxieties. Ai notices, because of course he does, eagle-eyed and with an uncannily sharp sense for the shark’s emotions, and it’s all Rin can do to manage a shaky but genuine, “I’m just really proud. I’m really happy for you.”  

Which he is, absolutely. Nagisa is not easy competition; he can win races with sheer willpower alone, familiar with the blond’s talent since their relay as children.That’s why Ai won, Rin thinks – because he has willpower, but he also has focus, an intense drive that knows no limits. He knows how to pace himself and how to endure despite his circumstances, even if it results in a heavy case of self-doubt every now and again. His technique is impeccable, of course helped by Sousuke’s training, but even so he’s always had an innate ability that just depended on his own confidence to spark into use. Rin alludes to as much.  

When Ai shakes his head, stuttering words that show he scarcely believes him, trying to push off his success on the assistance of others, and otherwise denying the compliment, Rin is unable to control his tongue.

“Leave that kind of talk in the past, yeah? It’s fine to have pride. You’ve always been amazing.” The words betray him, losing his ability to speak anything less than honestly when already so riled up. The surprised look he earns makes his heart beat out of his chest, and when Ai chooses to look away shyly, flushing pink with a murmur of Thank you, Rin-senpai, Rin thinks he is going to fucking explode.

( Okay, breathe in, breathe out, and get to the point. )

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things in Australia – like, thinking wh-when I’m in Australia, not thinking about random things in Australia.” Oh, good! He’s starting off so well. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. Since I left.”

It’s given me time to reflect on who’s been by my side, who keeps cheering me on. Who’s cheered me on no matter what. Of course I think of Sousuke and Haru, of Makoto, and everyone else. But.. there’s some I want by my side, in a closer way. Ai—

The rest of the idea in his head, probably taken from some shoujo manga, is effectively shut down, kicked out, and obliterated. It’s too embarrassing. He can’t go that route. Even just thinking about it has the tips of his ears prickling red – maybe they’re hidden by his hair, but his scarlet cheeks certainly aren’t.

Plan B – he had a plan B, right?

“I’m not… the best with this kind of thing. I don’t really know why.. I should be able to talk, especially to you, you know? But – I can be honest, but it’s – ugh, damnit.”

Frustrated with his utter embarrassment of a speech pattern, fingers rake through a ruby mane – something meant to be a soothing gesture to himself, but it only serves to spike his nerves. He’s come so far; he can’t lose courage now. Red meets blue, and Rin finds there’s something imperceptible on Ai’s face. Almost as if he’s.. waiting for something. Which, yeah, he is, since Rin can’t spit out the words I like you to save his fucking life, but – its almost something more than that. There’s almost a quiet confidence that he’s trying to project. Unsurprisingly, even silent, he’s reassuring. Rin blinks once, twice, then steels his determination.

“Can you close your eyes?” A questioning look, but Ai does so obediently; his blind faith is incredible. A hesitant step forward, then another, ignoring the voice in his mind that says you’re going to ruin everything, stop while you’re ahead. He does consider it, for a moment, as he leans in slightly, a hand raising to gently tilt the younger’s chin.

He could be throwing away three years of friendship.

But Ai isn’t trying to move away.

Rin, lingering only long enough to spare a glace on ashen lashes, then to the mark below his eye, finally finds it in himself to seal the distance between them. Ai’s lips are soft and welcoming, and to Rin, something just clicks.

( He probably should’ve done this sooner. )

Ai had gotten pretty good at identifying when Rin was nervous or anxious, he thinks. He usually thinks back to markers he’d see before swim tournaments, or before meeting up with Rin’s Iwatobi friends in the early days of their reconciliation. He knows it by the way Rin will rub the back of his neck, or look around a lot; seemingly anywhere but right in front of him, and definitely not the people around him. Seems to exhale not-quite-sighs, not-quite-huffs that hint toward some sort of frustration. Get it together, Matsuoka!, Ai can imagine Rin saying in his inner mologue.

He knew the signs; the hair ruffling, the neck touching, the eyes roaming. He was used to seeing Rin grapple with his nerves.

He was not used to it happening around him.

If Ai thinks back to the last time Rin visited - about two months ago, in the middle of regionals - he... Well, truthfully, Rin hadn’t really visited. Ai thinks they got all of maybe an hour together before Rin was off to visit someone else, that trip being particularly short. And Ai can recall a sense of nervousness radiating from Rin back then, too, but at the time had attributed it to the amount of traveling Rin had to endure paired with having a jam-packed itinerary. Distance didn’t exactly make social interactions easy, either; Ai had assumed Rin found it a bit awkward to reconnect after such a long time apart. 

Truthfully, Ai had maybe read too much into it, and in an entirely incorrect way; assumed that maybe Rin had found his true footing while over in Australia, and suddenly conversation with Ai - his companionship - was found lacking. His nervousness being mistaken for awkward or uncomfortable. A nightmare scenario, honestly. Thankfully, even through his own self-doubt, Ai knew he could rely on absolute truths; knew that if Rin didn’t want to put up with someone, he wouldn’t.

So then, why was he nervous?

It’s a question that had been eating at him ever since. Ai thinks now, with Rin very close to sputtering between syllables and tripping over his words, he has his answer.

He can’t really believe it, though. The hopeful part of him sees it immediately; the part of him that has had a massive, undeniable crush for three long, painstaking years. The part of him that has quietly and politely sat on an invisible mountain of unspoken feelings, constantly pounding at his chest and pushing at his rib cage, begging for mercy and reprieve. The part of him Ai had gotten a little too good at ignoring when eyes were on him, and enduring. The part of him that had gotten so accustomed to remaining unrequited that the thought of it being anything but was, honestly? A little terrifying. 

But you don’t go three years with stifling feelings for your best friend and not know the signs. Somewhere between wanting to coax Rin out of his shell and Ai’s own stupid, stupid hopes shooting electricity through his veins, Ai finds it quite easy to conjure the confidence needed to meet Rin in the middle.

“Pffthth,” he laughs, soft and stifled as Rin trips over his words; Ai doesn’t think he’s ever seen Rin so flustered and it’s a visual he will store in a mental pocket forever and ever. Ai calms and grows solemn, though, as Rin seems to really try to conjure the wherewithal and get his words across.

“It’s okay, Rin-senpai.” Take your time. I’m listening.

The more he speaks, the more dire things feel; the more real it feels. A silent endurance born into a rising hope that completely threatened to overtake him. Ai feels as if he’s vibrating out of his skin; every time he’s fantasized about something like this, his dreams unanimously had him being the instigator. Him confessing, him making the first move. It felt completely unreal for that silent expectation and hope to be turned over on its head.

He’s asked to close his eyes, and Ai’s chest wells up with a breath; he complies easily, trying to remain the calm one between the two of them. He’s painfully aware of the feeling of his own eyelashes dancing over his cheeks, and the sudden heat that meets his chin. Rin-senpai’s hand... 

Rin’s lips are amazingly soft and taste like cinnamon and it is worlds, worlds away from what he’d thought it’d feel like. 

Somewhere between seconds two and three, Ai’s hands had come to rest gently on Rin’s clavicle; between four and five, he pulls back. Six Rin is met with a second kiss, sweet and chaste, as if Ai needed it to remember the feeling; seven, and he’s settled back on his heels.

He’s completely flushed, from the tips of his ears down to his collar bones. His heart beats so fast and so loud he can’t even hear himself think; Ai is on auto-pilot as his hand reaches for Rin’s, gently tugging at the hem of his cuff for its attention. 

“Hey,” he murmurs, ice blue eyes so fucking timid in the way they dare to seek out Rin’s, yet so silently confident in wanting to meet them. “Um.” Suddenly there, though, Ai gets cold feet- but only for a second. He seems to pull in a breath before his words seem to gush out all at once. “I’ve-- I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, too. While you’ve been in Australia. And before then, when you were in Samezuka... And for, um. A very long time.” He can’t do it; Ai looks down again, but doesn’t look any less confident-meets-flustered for it. 

“I like you.

       I like you a lot.

               And I want to kiss you again.”

[sunnysideofsaturn]

WINGFICS

so i browsed ALL of the wingfics currently on archive TWICE and these are some of the ones i liked: (these are mostly completed) (none of these are mine) (LEAVE KUDOS) 

I”M MAKING A SEPARATE POST FOR STUCKY, STONY, JOHNLOCK, and DESTIEL CUZ THERE ARE SO MANY

FLUFF:

ereri: (Attack on Titan)

-Magic Does Not Make A Garden: oneshot 3,674 words

Levi grows his garden peacefully on the edge of the desert, until the day he finds a boy with wings dying of exhaustion and takes him in.

-Don’t Hide: oneshot 2,636 words

Levi didn’t know what the hell Eren had done to his wings, but the kid was going to regret it. They felt…he didn’t know what word could be used to describe it, but maybe there wasn’t any word because that was it: They felt.

-Feels Like Flying: oneshot 943 words 

Eren is already far from the ground, and it makes Levi’s stomach twist uncomfortably to see him up there with nothing to support him but a pair of magical wings that appeared out of nowhere, but—

Eren is laughing and twisting around in the air, and he looks like he belongs there.

He’s beautiful.

klance: (Voltron)

-Rest Stop: oneshot 10,776 words

Lance wasn't like the rest of the world.

And he had never had a loving mother tell him it made him stronger for it. So he told himself, gathering up his courage and grit to face a world of winged humanity, when he, in fact, has no wings and turns into a mermaid instead.

A world that wants him to die.

So he'd keep this secret like a knife in his boot, a sharp weapon until he died on his own terms. Not because of who he was.

Except, Team Voltron isn't so sure why Lance is all rough edges and sharp points about showing off his wings. Or acting like a member of the Flock in general. It's clear he cares for them, but he's never shown an intimate part of him. 

Until he has to.

-Meet me Between the Ocean and the Sky: part 1 part 2 37,091 words

"I'm telling you, Allura! Humans are real!" Lance yelled enthusiastically, adrenaline buzzing in his veins. His sister gave a heady sigh, setting down her book. "Everyone else in the clan stopped believing in humans when they were fledglings, it's time you did too. Your obsession is growing to be unhealthy" She muttered. Lance slammed his foot down with a loud thump, "I saw one! I swear!". Allura looked far from impressed. "Sure".

Or, Lance stumbles upon a human and he ends up getting more than he bargained for.

-Golden Thread: 5 chappies 11,755 words

The Lions of Voltron are searching for their new Paladins. It was going fine until the Blue Lion gave Allura the name of an elusive, untrusting species that would be almost impossible to track down.

-Three Important Facts: oneshot 2,574 words

At first, Lance had found it funny. Suddenly, feathers of varying shapes, sizes, and hues of maroon and black found their way into inconspicuous places, and no one was safe from them. Pique-hilarity came when Pidge threw a handful of feathers back at Keith, shouting for him to keep them out of her shower drain. There was never an explanation as to how they got there.

-Silken Feathers (Wrap Me Up): oneshot 2,909 words

Lance is self-conscious about his wings as he compares them to everyone else's. Lucky for him, there's a knight in red armor that comes to his rescue.

-Watercast: unfinished 14/16 chappies 188,505 words

Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit!

(AU where Avians (winged folk), Galra, humans and merfolk cohabit earth. Shiro and Keith are avian soldiers, Lance is the youngest son of a Queen, Hunk is also a merman and Pidge is still looking for her family. They get caught up in a war.)

shatt: (Voltron)

-Watercast: unfinished 14/16 chappies 188,505 words

Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit!

(AU where Avians (winged folk), Galra, humans and merfolk cohabit earth. Shiro and Keith are avian soldiers, Lance is the youngest son of a Queen, Hunk is also a merman and Pidge is still looking for her family. They get caught up in a war.)

rinharu: (Free!)

-Spring Tide: oneshot 6,931 words

He's adept at choosing his own path without hesitation, yet there's no denying how much brighter his world becomes when Haru is swimming in front of him like a beacon—occasionally breaching the water while he races the shadow Rin's wings cast upon the waves. If only one day they could fly to the ends of the world together like that.

-how it feels to take a fall: oneshot 2,783 words

“How fast can you fly, Haru?”

“My wings are made from wind,” Haru says by way of reply, and Rin nods as if he’s satisfied.

kagehina: (Haiykuu!)

-Take Flight: oneshot 2,175 words

'They're supposed to be soulmates. No—they are soulmates. Hinata is his. And Kageyama is Hinata's.

And so—why? Why won't Hinata open up to him about something as important as his wings, their link, the symbol of their bond? Why do they keep having this fight?'

No matter what they fight over, they will always come back together again.

-A Tangle of Feathers: oneshot 6728 words

Vignettes highlight moments of a young crow's immortal life.

-only waiting for this moment to arise: oneshot 2,277 words

“Liking you was my idea, not yours. Don’t think you tricked me into it with your -- your wings and your kissing. Asshole.”

-sand and salt: oneshot 2,415

"Hey, Kageyama, have you ever thought about swimming?"

"Don't be stupid, dumbass. Crows can't swim."

"But what if we could? Has anyone even tried?"

"Well, I guess there is a slight possibility that -"

"We should try it!"

-wings above waves: 2 chappies 7,518 words completed

“Can you fly?” He probed. Whenever he asked Izumin or Kouji to fly with him, they refused.

Kageyama faced him directly with an indignant scowl on his face. “Of course I can fly,” he spluttered out. “What kind of an idiot can't -”

“No,” Shouyou interrupted, “I meant, can you fly?”

daisuga: (Haiykuu!)

-An Angel Silhouetted: 15 chappies 49,986 words completed

There is a certain kind of joy that comes from flying that cannot be replicated.

Not on a trampoline, or a trapeze, or high on a tightrope. Not planes, either. Being high in the air, supported or unsupported, it didn't matter. Nothing was the same.

Suga hadn't felt that kind of joy in a long time.

A very, very long time.

In which half-angel Suga rebels against everything he's ever been told about the circus he stars in, dances with Daichi, and rebuilds himself anew.

-A Tangle of Feathers: oneshot 6728 words

Vignettes highlight moments of a young crow's immortal life.

victuuri: (Yuri on Ice)

-Taking Flight: oneshot 5,823 words

This was all Yuuri had ever known: the cage, the pain, and the silent, pretty, blue-eyed boy in the cage across the way.

Yuuri was an avian-human hybrid, resigned to life in a cage for the rest of his life. But freedom was more than just a dream for himself. He'd do anything to see that boy in the cage fly free.

-On Wings of Love: oneshot 2,079 words

Yuuri knew about Victor before he even knew about soulmates.

-Diphylleia Grayi: oneshot 8,010 words

This flower is called Diphylleia Grayi, Vitya.

It’s commonly known as the skeleton flower. At first glance it may appear to be nothing but an ordinary flower but when it comes in contact with rain, its petals turns translucent.

Like a flower made of glass.

It’s very beautiful, Vitya.

otayuri: (Yuri on Ice)

-Diphylleia Grayl: oneshot 8,010 words

This flower is called Diphylleia Grayi, Vitya.

It’s commonly known as the skeleton flower. At first glance it may appear to be nothing but an ordinary flower but when it comes in contact with rain, its petals turns translucent.

Like a flower made of glass.

It’s very beautiful, Vitya.

drarry: (Harry Potter)

-There is Always the Moon: 13 chappies 159,356 words completed

Draco's life after the war is everything he wanted it to be: it's simple, and quiet, and predictable, and safe. But when a mysterious curse shatters the peace he'd worked so hard to build, there's only one person he can trust to help him. After all, Harry Potter has saved his life before. Now Draco has to believe that Potter will be able to do it one more time.

-Flare: 15 chappies 43,582 words completed

Caught in the middle of a misfired curse, Harry is half-transformed into a phoenix, to the point of carrying wings on his back. He arranges with the Healers for research that will hopefully cure him--only to find that Draco Malfoy has a strange vested interest in him keeping the bloody things.

royed: (Fullmetal Alchemist)

-Know the Difference: podfic 1-1.5 hours

“You’ve heard the rumors,” Mustang says, looking at Ed over the top of his latest report, “about the angels.”

Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Angels don’t exist, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Of course, of course,” he murmurs, gaze sliding back down, “There have been multiple eye witness accounts, however.”

Ed slouches into the chair and doesn’t bother to keep the contempt to from his voice when he says, “Don’t depend on anything with wings to save you. Things that were made to leave always end up doing so, in the end.”

“Yes, well,” he says, “sometimes they come back.”

-Know the difference: oneshot 9,083 words

“You’ve heard the rumors,” Mustang says, looking at Ed over the top of his latest report, “about the angels.”

Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Angels don’t exist, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Of course, of course,” he murmurs, gaze sliding back down, “There have been multiple eye witness accounts, however.”

Ed slouches into the chair and doesn’t bother to keep the contempt to from his voice when he says, “Don’t depend on anything with wings to save you. Things that were made to leave always end up doing so, in the end.”

“Yes, well,” he says, “sometimes they come back.”

LOL NOT FLUFF *wiggles eyebrows*:

bakudeku

-Lucky for Me: oneshot 4,837 words 

Izuku, Katsuki's summoned succubus, takes an attack meant for him. Katsuki decides to deal with an unwanted rush of emotion in the only way that makes sense between them.

drarry: (Harry Potter)

-Spread Your Wings: oneshot 1,830 words

After spending months growing closer to Draco, Harry finds himself in a situation that more than encourages him to blur the lines between roommates and lovers.

-Flare: 15 chappies 43,582 words completed

Caught in the middle of a misfired curse, Harry is half-transformed into a phoenix, to the point of carrying wings on his back. He arranges with the Healers for research that will hopefully cure him--only to find that Draco Malfoy has a strange vested interest in him keeping the bloody things.

@alphonses-posts @teilzeitsunny @anyone who cares

[xbluexflowerx]

Can you do an angsty fic where Makoto thinks Haru is in love with Rin, when really it's him Haru loves

How do you angst? Itired!

…

Makoto’s feet froze,his heart in his throat, as he heard three simple words fall from Haru’s lips.

“I love you.”

The three words hehad always longed to hear Haru say. Only problem.

“See? That wasn’t sohard.” Rin teased.

They weren’t directedat him. In fact the couple were completely oblivious to their one man audience.An audience that hadn’t been able to stop themselves when they’d seen the pairtalking in hushed tones, an audience who wished they’d had more self-control,an audience who felt like their heart had been ripped in two.

“Of course that waseasy.” Haru rolled his eyes. “It’s different if it’s you.”

Makoto almost chokeda sob at the confession, but what did he really expect? Everything made senseto Haru with Rin, he was his fire, his passion, his motivation. And Makoto?Makoto was reliable, wishy washy, predictable. To put it bluntly compared tothe burst of colour that was Rin, Makoto was simply boring.

Unable to bear theirconversation a moment longer Makoto ran, he knew he’d have to explain himselflater for this strange and erratic behaviour but he couldn’t think about thatnow. He just needed to get away, he needed to be able to breathe again.

His vision blurred ashe fought against tears, he might have seen his other team mates but hecouldn’t tell. All he focused on was getting home, hiding away until the painstopped.

When he was finallysafe in his bedroom he broke down, his knees bucking as he collapsed against hisdoor. After all these years of yearning, secretly hoping, he’d finallydiscovered the truth.

Before he’d alwaysfooled himself, thinking Haru just wasn’t interested in relationships and love,they wasted time. It wasn’t a reflection on him just his friends personality.But if they could be together platonically forever then he’d be satisfied. Notanymore. The role of life partner belonged to someone else, someone worthy.

He’d have to pretend,nobody knew how he felt, nobody knew he loved Haru. And why should they? It wasa perfectly constructed mask he’d worn for years, the doting friend but nothingmore. Why should anybody know he dreamt of holding Haru night after night, ofloving him? Despite the cracks he felt his mask needed to stay intact, when therelationship was announced he’d have to play the happy friend. Not the bitter,jealous man he was sure to be.

He caught sight ofhimself in the mirror, eyes red and raw, cheeks wet, chest heaving. Why wouldanyone love him? He was pathetic. He’d always had a sneaking suspicion therewas something more than friendship between Rin and Haru, and what had he doneabout it? A big fat nothing. He’d sat idly by and hoped for the best. Hedeserved this pain, he as a quitter, he gave up, he never fought for what hewanted. And because of that he would never be loved.

…

For the next few daysMakoto’s smile never faltered, he was sure people knew it was fake but it wasbetter than admitting the truth. On the inside he felt like his whole world wascrumbling down, he didn’t feel complete without Haru. Together they were twoparts of a whole but now Haru had another piece to fit with and Makoto hadnobody.

And today wouldreally test his façade as Rin was here to swim, the first time he had seen themtogether since the confession.

But the pair acted asif nothing had changed and somehow that was worse for him, this affair was sonatural to them that it didn’t affect their day to day life. So in tune to eachother’s wants and needs that there is no falter in their interactions, just thesame ease as before.

Then suddenly he felt his stomach drop and his chestclench. Rin leant in close, gently placing his hand on Haru’s shoulder in agesture so intimate he felt he was intruding by watching. He whispered in hisear, something sweet if the blush was anything to go by.

He couldn’tlook away, despite how much it hurt to watch he was completely transfixed. Andhe knew he had been caught string when Haru guiltily met his eye.

Did Haruknow? That Makoto loved him, despite his blatant disinterest. Did he feelguilty for rubbing his new relationship in his pathetic and obsessed bestfriend?

He couldn’tbear to find out, without any words at all he turned on his heel and fled.Ignoring any strange glances he got for his strange attire. Soon the looksblurred with his unshed tears.

He wasn’teven sure where he was running to, he couldn’t run home again like this. Hisfeet ended up taking a familiar path without his mind having to think. He ranup the steps to the shrine and crumbled down under the small shelter.

He tuckedhis knees up to his chest and sobbed, his whole body shaking as the painescaped his body. Despite finally letting the tears flow he begrudged feelinglike this. He didn’t deserve to be upset, he’d never made any attempt to winHaru’s heart. He knew why he had never really confessed, because in his hearthe always knew he was second best to Rin.

“Makoto?” Avoice broke through his tears.

“Haru!” Hegasped, frantically rubbing his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw yourun off.” He shrugged, Makoto noticing for the first time how out of breath hisfriend was.

“Don’t worryabout it.” He fake smiled. “I’m fine.”

Haru narrowedhis eyes slightly, easily reading through the lie and wondering why Makoto evenbothered. He moved closely and lowered himself onto the step besides him.

“Please goback to Rin.” He begged, this closeness and caring was just going to give himfalse hope.

“Not whileyou’re like this.” He calmly replied.

They sat in silenceafter that, the only sound was Makoto’s ragged breath. It was incredibly embarrassing,how could he ever explain this situation?

I’m sorry I ran off but the sight ofyou and Rin reminded me of everything I wanted but could never have. It’s notyour fault, I know I’m not worthy of your affections but my heart still hopesthe same.

That wasbound to go over well.

“I really amfine now Haru.” He smiled softly. “Don’t keep Rin waiting.”

“Forgetabout Rin, what’s bothering you?” He frowned, determined which showed Makotowould not get out of this one easily.

“Nothing,really.”

“Stop lyingto me.” He snapped. “You’ve been acting strange for a while now, please, justtell me why.”

Makotonervously bit his lip, could he really tell him the truth? Ruin a friendshipforever just for his selfish need. But looking into Haru’s pleading eyes heknew he couldn’t deny him, whether he wanted to or not the truth was going tohave to come out.

“I heard youtalking to Rin the other day.” Makoto whispered.

“Oh.” Was theonly response he got.

“I guess on somelevel I knew how you felt but it didn’t make it any easier to hear, it didn’thurt any less.” He admitted.

“You’reupset.” Haru nodded, finally breaking their eye contact.

“Yes, and I’mvery sorry about that.”

“You have noreason to apologise.” He shrugged, attempting for casual but failing.

“Of course Ido, I’m your best friend. I always say that I want what’s best for you, that Iwant you to be happy. But now that you’ve found your happiness I selfishly wantyou to find it with someone else.” He shook his head, he felt terrible forbeing so negative about Haru’s relationship. It was his life and he couldchoose who to love, even if Makoto wanted to have all of him.

“Who then?” Haraasked softly, his hands shaking. “Who is this supposedly perfect person for me?”

“Please don’tmake me answer that.” He begged.

“Tell me.” Hehissed.

“Me, okay?When I heard you say that to Rin, what I’d always dreamed of you saying to meone day all I could imagine was me in his place. How much I could love you if Iwas just given the chance, but I don’t deserve the chance.” He groaned, freshtears forming in his eyes. “If I truly loved you I’d be satisfied that youfound love but instead I just want you as my own.”

Makotonervously glanced at Haru, wide and shocked blue eyes staring back at him. Andwhat else did he expect? Rin was fire, everything you could possibly desire. Whowould trade that in for a dull and pitiful soul?

“Haru? I’m sor…’

Before he couldfinish his sentence he felt the air knocked out of his chest, his backawkwardly pressed against the steps as Haru threw himself into his lap.

At first hefelt panicked, he knew his best friend wasn’t a violent man but maybe all thispining had pushed him too far. But when he looked up into the eyes staring downhe didn’t see anger he saw hope, he saw joy and, dare he admit it, he saw love.

“It’s youMakoto.” Haru smiled. “It’s always been you.”

Makoto wasn’teven able to question the strange comment before lips were against his own. Heknew he should stop him, find out how Rin fit into this strange scenario but hecouldn’t think beyond this moment. His mind was overwhelmed by how prefect itwas, how their lips just fit, how soft his hair was, how the hand cupping hischeek had just the right pressure.

“You thought…I was practicing… I didn’t know how to… Always you… Never Rin…” Haru whispered againsthis skin between kisses. Makoto barely registered the words but did it reallymatter at this point, he was in bliss.

The kissesbecame more intense, soft touches became firm grips, soft breaths became harshpants, still hips began grinding desperately.

“Maybe weshould head inside?” Makoto suggested breathlessly.

“Maybe.” Haruagreed, kissing his neck stubbornly.

“Haru.”Makoto whined, letting his head tilt to one side all the same.

“I can nolonger resist you.” He whispered, biting down on tender skin.

“But anybodycould see us.” He groaned, tightly clenching his fingers through silk locks.

“Let themlook.” Haru smirked, bringing his lips back to Makoto’s swollen ones.

He couldn’tprotest any more, his whole world was consumed by Haru. The feel of his bodyagainst his own, the smell of him being so close, the sound of his breath.

The kissedand held each other, their hips moving beyond control, their sounds echoing soloudly that their tryst was no longer a secret but they didn’t care. They werecompletely consumed by the other.

Years ofwaiting and wanting, both pining unbeknownst that the other was feeling thesame. All the emotions between them finally let loose, the flood gates could nolonger hold them back, bursting out in a passionate eruption.

They werefree.

“I love you.”Haru sighed, still in a haze.

“I love youtoo.” Makoto grinned, a weight lifted from his heart.

“Don’t everthink you’re not worthy again.” He frowned slightly, disgusted he’d ever feelthat way.

“Never.” Heagreed with a smile.

…

[ashbash4man]

For the team; for the future.

What is a dream? Does everyone have a dream? What if you don't have one? How do you find your dream? These are the questions that I need answers to. 

I just finished rematching Free! (both the first season and Eternal Summer) and I loved it as much as I did the first time I watched it. This show hits me harder and is more relatable than anything else I’ve ever experienced. The animation, the witty lines and the excitement all pull me in, however it’s the themes of the show that really hit home. The first season’s theme of friendship and rivalry always make me think about my own friendships and my heart yearns for the relationship between Haru, Rin and the boys. I love this show and I’d love to talk more in depth about everything that makes this show amazing, but right now I’m going to discuss the thing that hit me as hard as it did the first time, which is Eternal Summer’s theme of dreams and looking towards the future.

Haru’s struggle to discover his dream and make it a reality is a theme that I grasp onto and hold close to my heart. I empathize with the pressure he feels when every person he’s surrounded by constantly asks about his future, though he has no set plan. What happens after high school? Should he continue swimming? How does he stay free and continue practicing the thing he loves the most? This struggle makes my heart ache, as it is the same struggle I have.

I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. Everyone around me knows this, though I do not think they know the extent of my indecision. Every single day I think about what the rest of my life will look like and every single day the future is just as foggy and hazy as before. I can only see ahead a year or two. I guess that’s not a horrible thing, since no one knows exactly what their future will hold, but all of my peers at least have some goal they’re shooting for. I, on the other hand, have no clue what I want to do. 

I have heard many “comforting” words from those around me. “Just do what makes you happy.” “If you just follow your passion you’ll never work a day in your life.” “It’s okay. Nobody really knows what they want to do forever, you still have time.” While these people mean well, I am not comforted by these words at all. 

Just do what makes you happy- What if what makes me happy has no practical value in the world? There are a lot of things that make me happy, though they are just past times and would not be a suitable career in normal society. I love diving into the worlds of stories, whether that’s in a book, movie, tv show, video game, etc. So maybe I should do something that gets me involved in a story? Where do I go from there? What if I don't have the skills or the creativity to create a story? Everything I like, I don't feel like I’m good enough to make something out of it. Everything I’m good at I don't like.

Just follow your passion- What if I like too many things? I’ve always been someone that gets very involved in a hobby and spends a lot of time working in that field, but then soon enough I hit a wall or I get tired of it and eventually lose interest. I am very passionate about things, though I have a hard time staying passionate about he same thing for an extended period of time. I am interested in a lot of things but not interested enough in any one of them to commit to any one of them.

You have time- This is the least comforting of all. Realistically, I’m on a time limit and everyone knows that. I need to pick something that I want to pursue in order to start gaining experience in that field. Until I pick that thing, I feel like I’m just wasting time. Everyone around me has already decided on something they want to do and are pursuing their goals, and I’m the only one left behind to try and figure out what it is that I should do with my life. The world keeps moving whether I’m moving with it or not. I feel so incredibly rushed, but at the same time if I’m given too much slack then I won't make any decisions at all. 

Up until a few years ago, I’d lived very comfortably in terms of the future. I was incredibly future-oriented, always doing my work so that I could ensure that my future grades would come out nicely. Everything I did I thought “well I should probably save this for the future” or “if I do this now I’ll be better off down the road.” I’m someone that appreciates routine and hates change. Then, I realized that my grades actually meant something. I was keeping my grades up to be the best I could be and to satisfy my perfectionism, but then teachers started talking about college and how those grades would make me look for other schools. That’s when my outlook changed. I realized that all this time, these grades were meant to show how colleges I performed in high school and that soon, high school would be over. Everything would change. I had to start thinking about colleges and about the future and that bright shining future that I saw suddenly turned cloudy. My classmates had already started thinking about college and their careers and all I wanted to do was continue on with the same routine I had been living for the past 15+ years of my life. I realized that I didn't have a dream, I didn't have something I was looking forward to after high school ended. I felt just like Haru. Everything I loved in high school I loved because it was fun, but I had to start thinking practically and making choices. I didn't want to make a bad decision and waste time and money, so I refused to talk about anything. Eventually, I did choose a college, but here I am with the same confusion that I had in high school. 

What am I supposed to do? How do I find my dream? Just like Haru said, dreams aren't something that you can just decide on, they aren’t something that you can just choose. In my eyes, dreams are like wands in the world of Harry Potter. The dream chooses you, you don't choose the dream. Well, a dream hasn't chosen me yet and I’m wondering if it ever will. I don't know of a way to fix this. I don't know of a way to stumble across my dream, my passion. Maybe, not everyone has a dream. I have so much passion and determination that I’m ready to use, but I’m stuck without anything to use it on. 

However, Free gives me hope. *spoiler alert* Eventually, Haru does find his dream. He realizes that this dream has been staring him in the face all along. When he steps on that pedestal in Australia and sees what he truly wants, I immediately burst into tears. It’s such a beautiful and moving scene, yet for me it’s also truly tragic. I want so badly to have that moment of realization, yet it eludes me and I don't know when that will come. One day, I hope to have that moment when I look out and see my dream laid out before me. Maybe I’ll see the roaring of the crowds like Haru does, or maybe I’ll see a quiet, normal life. At this point, the future is still just fog. 

I’ve felt this way for a long time, but these feelings have just now hit an all time high and I needed a way to release them. In addition to Haru’s story, I’ve just recently played Jaehee’s route on Mystic Messenger, which also has a very similar storyline to Haru’s. Between these two stories, I’ve had a lot to think about and needed to outline my thoughts and my feelings. Will I find my dream? I don't know. I really hope so. I hate being in this state of limbo, not knowing what I want to do. Haru’s story will forever be a story very close to my heart. It means the world to me, both because of it’s tragic reliability and it’s hopeful outlook.

[caffernnn]

One last thought before free final stroke releases. Everyone has said that if Haru has to choose between his bonds and a race or “swimming on a larger scale” he would choose his bonds and I think that too, but what if he doesn’t? 🤔 I would hate for KA to do that, but I can’t help thinking about it. Would love to hear you thoughts about it if you have any.

Buckle up, buttercup! I have perhaps too many thoughts on this one 😅

Okay so here’s the thing: I’ve definitely been sipping on the free!verse “friendship is magic and those special bonds can conquer anything” juice, but I can see Haru or one of the other main pro swimmers we’ll be following (Rin, Ikuya, etc) putting swimming first… at least in the first movie. Out of everyone to take on that possible arc, it feels like Haru is the main one left to isolate, break, and have to be reminded of who he swims for.

(This one got lengthy; read more under the cut) 🏊✨

This is a pattern in Free! that has been explored over and over. Haru has a teammate, rival, or friend that gets so lost in their own head that they refuse to let anyone reach them and try to put swimming and solitude first. Then, Haru and company step in with a race, a relay, pool time in general to show them that they’re so much stronger when they realize they’re not alone. They hug it out, the audience cries; rinse, repeat.

From the promos, it sets the stage for a specific emphasis on these six. Going through the characters like a checklist for this Free!verse rite of passage, it feels clear who is most likely going to be the next one to take on the cycle.

(Note: I’m going to refer to the pattern described earlier as “the cycle” moving forward)

Painting it with a broad stroke, most of the characters on this list have taken their respective turns moving through the cycle.

- (Season One) Rin is, like, the king of this lesson. The whole first season was more or less dedicated to showing how he got so fixated on being a viable competitor that he forgot one of the main things that drew both him and his dad towards swimming in the first place: communicating and connecting with people in the water. That’s something Rin knows not to take for granted, and that’s shown through his immense character growth since season one. I think I stated in a past FS theory post how I’m curious about how Rin will handle the pressures and demands of finally reaching the world stage. With that said, he’s also not the main one I’m worried about taking on the main cycle.

- (Season Two) Sousuke paid his dues when he wrecked his shoulder overworking himself. He put success above everything to his own detriment, and he’s lucky that ignoring his own hurt while embracing his Samezuka team didn’t cause irreparable damage. We should watch him closely while he prepares to make his return to swimming because he’s at risk of overextending himself, but he’s had a good amount of time to sit with the firsthand consequences of trying to “do it all on his own,” so he’s not the one I’m primarily worried about.

- (Season Three) Ikuya’s whole journey in DttF was about him coming into his own and realizing his worth. The Iwatobi guys play a big part in this, their efforts in reconciliation starting to help him break out of his stubbornness and inferiority complex. He’s learning by the end of the season how to open up again (and actually appreciate Hiyori, but that’s another conversation) and see himself as an equal counterpart to the people he’s put on pedestals (Haru, Natsuya). His growth is still new, and I’d argue he’s the one who most recently completed his trek through the cycle. I’m sure he’ll inevitably have his own hardships highlighted in the movie, but he’s still riding off the high of freshly finding his inspiration/motivation again that I don’t see his narrative being the focal point.

- (High Speed/Starting Days) Makoto had his own primary trek through the cycle way back in junior high. This is probably one of the points where the dichotomy of the proposed choice (swimming vs. bonds) is most explicitly highlighted. Nao’s question of “do you enjoy swimming or are you here for Haru” is one of the earliest instances where the idea of choosing between success and relationships is explored. Makoto distances himself so much because the question feels loaded and leading - Is it a bad thing to swim because his friend is there? Shouldn’t he want to “grow up” and have merit-driven goals? Even if he doesn’t want to, would he be okay letting Haru go in the pursuit of maturing? Is that really a choice he has to make? Makoto’s eventual conclusion that he loves both swimming and Haru, that both are intertwined into driving him forward, sets the stage for the rest of the series, honestly. I can’t deny the foreshadowing putting Makoto in a potential position of influence in FS, but it’s because of how tied he is to the pro swimmers that’ll inevitably take narrative priority.

- Asahi is a wild card in this framework, but still fits in as a guiding light and a possible outside perspective that could be vital in the story (if he doesn’t get overlooked). He’s someone who hasn’t necessarily been put through the cycle, but he’s a good example of someone who’s a shining light, rowdy and driven and arguably secure in his determination that he’ll make the most out any opportunity by finding his place on any team and taking on the world at his own pace. I’d love to see a side story exploring Asahi’s journey in more detail, because he’s such a unique position as someone who worked on channeling his own self-esteem early on and built new teams every time he had to move. Just from how they’re likely to prioritize characters, especially now that we’re in the endgame, I wouldn’t put my money on Asahi taking center stage.

And then there’s Haru. The unwilling protagonist. The one who played a part in everyone else’s turns through the cycle, his status as a teammate/rival/prodigy/friend launching them into the pitfalls before inspiring them to come back towards the light. He’s grown throughout every season bolstered by the question of why he swims, but I’d argue that now is his time to face the cycle head-on. This is when the idea of improving his times, of winning, hold more value to him than they ever have before. That’s why I think when Ryuuji and other competitors (Kaede, Albert) start telling him that he has to make a choice between loneliness and mediocrity, pushing him towards the path of isolation, it’s going to hit hard. His declaration to have everything he wants, to hold his friends close while taking on the world, is going to be seriously put to the test.

That’s what makes the most sense to me at this point. The story started with Haru, and now it ends with Haru. Will he have to make an unthinkable choice and have to sacrifice one of the vital parts of his dreams? Will he find a way to prove everyone wrong and have it all? I’m excited to find out.

[caffernnn]

Final stroke spoilers: ⚠️‼️

I just saw a post on Twitter about the Haru and Rin scene and how they didn’t feel that it was that ooc of Haru. I thought I was the only one who felt that it was kind of justified on Haru’s end. Because both Rin and Ikuya put Haru and their friends through so much when they were lost and wanted to swim with Haru again. And I get that professional swimming is entirely different than what they’re used to, but it really sucks that as soon as the competition got a little hard they decided to just drop free and only swim their preferred styles. That’s got to be a slap in the face to Haru, because what was all of that other stuff about? Like Rin wanted for YEARS for Haru to swim on the world stage and after the first race is like “you’re on your own.” He honestly deserves it to be honest even if Haru would’ve never said anything to protect their friendship he was clearly thinking or thought these thoughts. For a show where Haru is the mc we rarely get to see how he feels about things. I wish we can see the movie soon, cause I really wanna see how that whole sequence takes place.

⚠️ Talking about Free! Final Stroke spoilers below the cut ⚠️

It’s wild to me (it probably shouldn’t be surprising; idk) how even going off of just spoilers, there is a clear divide in the reactions people are having to Haru’s actions in the movie, especially in reference to the sudden shift leading up to the fight with Rin. I can see why people are surprised by it on a base level because so much of his successes in DttF, paired with the camaraderie everyone seems to have for a majority of the movie, leads you to believe Haru has emotionally matured and stabilized since high school, which is true! He’s more open to change and examining his emotions, especially as he starts to grapple with a high-stakes long-term goal for what feels like the first time. With that said, all of this can be true at the same time Haru is going through a steady breakdown that can/will likely lead to burnout. So many people who’ve been put through rigorous academic programs or career training or anything else equally as intensive can attest to the frustration of feeling like every few steps forward (gaining experiential knowledge, making connections, learning more about your identity in reference to x goal, etc) are followed by a step back (exhaustion, plateaus, expectations you can’t meet, mistakes spilling out when you can’t keep repressing the negatives in the name of “productivity”). Haru was able to make it this far because he has grown and started to heal some of the cracks in his support group, but the sheer amount of pressure makes it easier for him to break, and old wounds that never fully healed have time to fester.

I probably sound like a broken record in these movie-related posts when talking about Haru getting obsessed with becoming stronger and not knowing what to do with that fairly new and overwhelming drive. I can’t be mad at Haru completely for his choices here (can’t wait to be called a Haru apologist when the movie comes out in more places jfjdjd) because he partially fell victim to circumstance. This is one of the first times Haru takes the expectations of him being a “hero” or “prodigy” into consideration, and now he’s trying to navigate the expectations of success that come with those titles while not being sure 1) what exactly they are beyond winning, and 2) not being sure if they’re actually attainable for him. Along with that, he’s putting faith in Ryuuji’s instruction and guidance because he needs someone with any sort of credibility or experience with the pro circuit to show him how to get to the top. Even though from an outside standpoint it’s easier to discredit and reject Ryuuji’s assertion that everyone at the top has to give something up to get there, there are a number of reasons Haru reconsiders the notion with everything he’s seeing. He’s seeing his newest rivals reach crazy success and strength through isolation, and Ryuuji is dangling a golden opportunity in front of his face by going to Haru in the moments where he’s most vulnerable and saying “yes, that strength you crave is possible for you, but only if you pay this specific price for it.” Nobody should bear the weight of “saving” Haru from his circumstances (especially not his friends on their own journeys… Ryuuji and other mentors watching this trainwreck can eat my shorts tho), but dealing with this ultimatum while his core support group is pushing forward through their own challenges and/or busy in another country, I can’t be too surprised when he starts to overextend himself and burst at the seams.

As far as the blow-up with Rin, I won’t say it’s fully justified, but it’s understandable. The way Haru has had to make peace with his hardships with Ikuya and Rin has largely been by atoning for his own involvement in those rifts and trying to turn over a new leaf without expecting much in return. He took the opportunities of swimming with both of them again to replace any apologies on their parts and largely made peace with it. As much as it’s going to hurt to watch, I’m interested to see this fight play out because it sounds like it addresses a problem we bring up a lot in meta analyses posts: there needs to be more explicit conversations and apologies between characters, or the closure feels flimsy and temporary at best. This fight isn’t about closure (it’s about a lot of things both involving and excluding Rin, but I ranted about that in the other spoiler post) but it’s acknowledgement after all of this time that there’s still a need for it. Having Rin back in his life as a rival and friend has held the caveat in the back of his mind that Rin will leave his side again if Haru’s friendship/rivalry stops serving all of his interests. Haru’s ultimate fear of being abandoned by people, of people using him without understanding him and then throwing him aside for someone/something else, is drastically coming back to the surface in all of his stress. Rin and Ikuya choosing to continue their pro careers with strokes that better suit their strengths isn’t abandonment, just like Makoto choosing a university in Tokyo wasn’t, but Haru is so lost in his own stress and despair that he can’t see these choices as anything but personal attacks in the moment. These choices don’t have to do with Haru and we’re never meant to hurt him (which he comes to realize by the end of each fight), but the unresolved issues mixed with his fears make him explode.

It’s not a black and white situation where only one side is in the right, and I hope whatever resolution comes in the second movie acknowledges that. Rin didn’t deserve Haru’s taunting and wrath in that moment, but I do want him to reflect on the whole mess and recognize that Haru’s in a desperate place not unlike the one he was in when he first went to Australia and seemingly cut everyone off. I want them both to consider that avoiding airing out those insecurities because it’d be uncomfortable or embarrassing ultimately led them back here, unsure how to talk about changes and concerns without first having one of them explode or hit rock bottom. They can be friends outside of swimming, I’d want them to be friends outside of swimming, but I think Haru isn’t blind to how much of their connection is reliant on intrigue in the water, and a part of him is scared that Rin won’t have a reason to stick around if they aren’t rivaling each other in the same stroke anymore.

All of this can make for a great chance of resolution in the second movie, if done well. There’s opportunity for Haru to realize that the trajectory of dreams can change, and just like Rin changing his stroke or Makoto changing his training emphasis, you can honor the parts of the dream that first inspired you while finding a path that honors the person you’ve become. There’s opportunity for Haru to break from the dangerous echo chamber he’s currently in telling him he has to do this all alone in a few ways. Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “I gave up everything and still couldn’t get stronger, so now I need to get back to finding what gives me strength personally.” Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “if my only option is a path paved in loneliness, I need to find a new dream.” There are so many directions the story can go in at this point, and I’m excited to see what happens next (and maybe write about the paths they don’t choose lol).

[datheetjoella]

Fantober 2020, Day 28: Pirates

Author: DatHeetJoella Fandom: Free! Pairing: MakoHaru Rating: T Part: 28/31 (read the full collection here) Word count: 2,107 Tags: Canonverse, Established Relationship, Fluff, Video Chat, Tachibana Twins Read at: AO3, FFn, or right here!

                                          --------------------------------------

Seated at the kotatsu with his back against the bed, Makoto clicked and scrolled through various articles. He had to write an essay about a common injury in athletes, how to prevent it and possible remedies. The choice for rotator cuff injuries had been a simple one: Sousuke had first-hand experience with recovering from a pretty severe case with surgery and therapy and Makoto could gather some useful knowledge through him.

When Makoto sent him a message this morning to ask if he would be willing to share his experience in detail, Sousuke had agreed and they talked on the phone for about an hour after class. Although this essay wasn't due for another week and a half, he wanted to get started right away, now the conversation with Sousuke was still fresh in his mind. Of course, he took a bunch of notes while Sousuke explained the medical process he went through and the physical therapy he had once a week, but it was better to get started while he was ahead.

So after dinner, he brewed a nice cup of tea, burrowed himself under the kotatsu and got to work. Sousuke's anecdotes were extremely helpful, but he couldn't write an essay based on his personal experience solely, so he surfed from one medical journal to the next in search of more information.

But when he opened his document to start typing, a call button popped up on the screen. One glance at the clock made him smile. It was seven-fifty, ten minutes before the agreed-upon time. Ran and Ren were eager as always.

He accepted the call and was greeted by a pair of excited grins.

"Onii-chan!"

"Where's Haru-chan?"

Makoto chuckled. Hello to them, too. "Haru's taking a bath right now."

"Aw, I wanted to see him too!"

"Can't you ask if he'll come out of the bath?" Ran asked with a pout that matched her twin's.

"He had a long day. Coach Tsukamoto really pushed him to his limit," Makoto said, "Maybe he'll come to say hi later, but for now we should let him relax, alright?"

"Alright," they said in unison.

"So, what did you do today? Did you learn a lot at school?"

The disheartened looks on their faces were wiped away instantly. "We went to Mami-chan's place after school," Ran said, "It was her birthday the other day and she got this movie as a present, so we watched it together."

The question about school was completely ignored and Makoto giggled on the inside. "Really? What kind of movie?"

"It was about pirates!" Ren said, "They were so cool and they had big swords and they went like woosh and slash." He waved an imaginary sword around, adding sound effects at every strike.

"And at the end, they finally found the island where the treasure was buried, but then there was this other group of pirates, the one they fought before, and the captains had to duel for the gold," Ran explained. "But the evil pirate captain cheated and had one of his crewmates attack the good captain from behind. But the good captain was so skilled at fighting that he dodged the attack and won from them both!"

"And then he gave everyone a share of the gold and when he was back home, he used his gold to buy medicine for his sick auntie."

Makoto was pretty sure he wasn't familiar with this movie, but now he didn't have to waste time watching it either. Trust the twins to spoil everything in their enthusiasm. "It's a relief he won, then."

"Yeah, because the evil captain was going to gamble with it and he always cheats so that's unfair," Ran concluded with a nod.

"That is pretty unfair."

"What's unfair?" Haruka asked as he kicked the bathroom door shut with his foot, a fluffy towel slung around his neck. He swooped down and pressed a kiss to Makoto's head. When the speakers of Makoto's laptop burst with giggles, Haruka whipped his head around. "Oh, hi. You guys are early."

"They had something really important to tell me," Makoto said with a smile as Haruka snuggled himself beside him underneath the kotatsu.

"Yeah!" the twins said and gave Haruka a rundown of everything they just told Makoto, with some extra details to spoil the movie even more, of course.

"Sounds like you had a lot of fun today," Haruka said when they finished their incohesive plot summary.

"We did," Ran said, "And when the movie was over, we wanted to play pirates with Mami-chan, but we couldn't decide who would be the captain."

"We all wanted to be the captain," Ren concurred.

"Why didn't you all be captains then?" Makoto asked and he was instantly met with incredulous frowns.

"You can't have three captains on one ship!" Ren said.

"Yeah! There can only be one captain, or else it's not the captain."

"Yeah, Makoto," Haruka said teasingly, earning himself a nudge from Makoto's elbow.

"Okay, I get it, one captain," Makoto said, "What did you do to solve the issue then?"

"Nothing. Mom came to get us before we got the chance to listen to each person's reason," Ran said. "So when we got home, we wanted to play with just the two of us, but we still couldn't decide. But clearly, I'm the best captain."

"That's not true, I'm the best captain."

"How could you be the best captain?" she asked, "You're always late for everything. By the time you find out where the treasure is, another group of pirates has already got it so there won't be any gold left for you or your crew."

"Well, you wouldn't be a good captain either because," Ren said, pausing briefly to think of an adequate reason. "Because I wouldn't listen to you. How can you be a captain when your crew doesn't even listen to you?"

"The rest of the crew would listen to me," Ran claimed, "Only you wouldn't because you would be jealous that you're not the captain yourself!"

Completely forgetting they had a live connection to Tokyo, Ran and Ren resumed their squabble from this afternoon as though it never ended. Seemed like their mom went to get them right in time, before it got out of hand and they damaged their friendship with Mami-chan beyond repair.

"Guys, stop it," Makoto demanded in that brotherly-tone he hadn't used in months. "This is nothing worth fighting about."

"No mutiny on this ship," Haruka said, trying to bite back a grin.

"Why don't you choose which of us is the best captain then?" Ran said and Ren voiced his agreement.

"You both have your own qualities that would make you a good captain," Makoto said, "Ran, you're a real go-getter so you'd sail straight towards your goal, no distractions, while Ren, you're very understanding so I'm sure your crewmates would feel safe with you as their captain."

Ren sighed and deflated on the table. "Of course you would say that, Onii-chan."

"So wishy-washy," Ran said with a disapproving shake of her head.

"What? It's true!" Makoto defended. How could he ever pick one of them above the other?

"Haru-chan, you decide," Ren said, knowing that unlike his brother, Haruka didn't sugarcoat his opinion.

"Hmm," Haruka said as he thought about it. "I pick Makoto as the captain."

"Onii-chan?"

"Me?"

"Yes. He's the oldest."

"I'm not, you are," Makoto said.

"Who says I'm playing along?" Haruka said, but before the twins had the chance to groan and protest, he smiled. "I meant between the three of you. Makoto is the oldest so it makes sense that he would inherit the ship. Besides, he already knows what it's like to be a captain anyway."

"He does?"

"How so?"

"He was the captain of our swim team in high school, remember?" Haruka said as he grabbed Makoto's teacup and took a sip.

Makoto frowned. "I was, but that's not the same as being a pirate captain."

"Yeah, being a pirate captain is different," Ren said.

"Why is it different?" Haruka asked. "He was in charge of us, his crewmates, and gave us specific instructions on what to do. He made decisions along with our manager and the teacher, his advisors, and he took us to several different venues, like islands across the seven seas. And most importantly, he led us to gold on numerous occasions."

Ran scratched her chin. "You do have a point."

"Maybe Onii-chan would be a good captain."

"He already is. He's a great leader and makes sure everyone in his crew feels comfortable in their job and outside of it. He can be a bit indecisive at times, but when it truly matters, he always does the right thing."

"In that case, you would be an amazing captain too, Haru," Makoto said, "You're strong, even in the face of adversity and although you don't show it as obviously, you're so caring and considerate. You're always looking out for everyone and you whatever you can for your friends."

Haruka's cheeks lit up and he looked down to fumble with the hem of the futon. "Too much trouble."

"What about me?" Ran said.

"And me?"

Makoto smiled. "You two would be amazing captains too. And I know you think otherwise, but I don't see why a ship can't have two captains. You're twins, so I can't imagine two people more fit to work together like that than you. You can take turns as the head captain who gives orders to your crew members, and when true danger lurks, you can fight it off and protect your ship as a duo."

"But when you're playing with Mami-chan or your other friends, be sure to give them a turn as captains too, otherwise it's not fair," Haruka said and for impact he added, "Then you would be just like that evil captain."

That startled them. Although ideally, they would prefer being the sole captain on their ship, they aspired to be brave and righteous ones, not the tyrannic and wicked type.

"Alright, we'll take turns," Ran relented.

"That would be the fair thing to do," Makoto said with an endorsing nod of his head, "You can use rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to go first. Then the winner is the captain for the day and the rest of you get a chance the next time."

That wasn't a bad solution and Ren said, "You really are a good captain, Onii-chan."

"Thanks," Makoto said, smiling fondly at his little siblings. "Now that issue is solved, did you do anything else recently?"

They chatted about the eventful and uneventful things that occurred in Ran and Ren's lives since the last time they caught up, but the twins remembered to ask them about their days as well. Knowing they were much better at talking than listening, Haruka and Makoto made sure to keep their answers short.

When their mom came to greet them and tell Ran and Ren it was bedtime, they said their goodbyes. The majority of the conversation hadn't been what he expected it to be, but Makoto basked in every minute he got to spend with his siblings nevertheless. He missed them and their endless enthusiasm a lot and hearing them ramble on about the tiniest, most trivial things with such fervour in their voices made his heart melt with fondness.

"You never know what you're going to talk about next with the twins, huh?" Makoto chuckled at the thought of oversized pirate hats on their small heads, boots that were too tall for their legs, eye patches and plastic cutlasses that couldn't even slice butter. "At least now I know what to get them for their birthday."

"Don't bother," Haruka said, "Now it's pirates, next week they watch a movie about superheroes and then that's their new obsession."

"I can't argue with that," Makoto said, and then he looked down at his lap. "Did you really mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"When you said I was a great leader?"

Haruka scoffed and his cheeks regained their cherry blossom-tinge. "I wouldn't have said so if I didn't," he grumbled and he shot up. "I'm going to get some tea. Do you want a refill of that?" He gestured towards Makoto's cup.

"Arr," Makoto said, unable to hide a grin as Haruka snatched it from the table and went over to the kitchen. "Oh, and could you bring the cookie tin?"

"Aye aye, Captain."

With a smile, Makoto watched Haruka's retreating back, his chest spilling over with affection. Pirate captain or not, it didn't matter, because Makoto had already found the greatest treasure on earth.

[datheetjoella]

Your hcs were seriously perfect. What about your top ten angsty hcs?

Thank you, Anon! I’m glad you liked them! This is a difficult question for a whole other reason than the previous ones. I do have a lot of angsty thoughts and scenarios in my head, but they’re all what-ifs and AUs, not actual headcanons that I have. When it comes to canon MakoHaru, I want them to live happily forever, of course with ups and downs but with no real heart-wrenching angst, if you know what I mean. But I’m still going to try my best! Some of these might be more hurt/comfort-ish than really angsty, but the border between the two is sometimes a bit blurry. They (almost) all have a happy ending too, because what’s angst without a happy end? Once again, these are all my own personal headcanons and they’re in no particular order.

1. Their second fight was in Tokyo. Makoto was having some serious finals stress for quite some time already and he was kind of starting to neglect his health and well-being. He hadn’t had a good night’s rest in weeks, didn’t eat properly and was basically only functioning on coffee, and every living second of every day his nose would be in his books and notes even though he already studied everything and he was only starting to forget more and more because of how exhausted he was, which resulted into him pulling even more all-nighters. At one point Haru just couldn’t take it anymore and demanded that he stopped. Makoto gave his usual response and did nothing that indicated that he would stop. So Haru only saw one way to get through to him; making him choose between his schoolwork and their relationship, because Haru loves him so much and he couldn’t stand by and watch how Makoto destroyed himself. It was an empty threat, for Haru wouldn’t give Makoto up for the world no matter how much seeing him like this hurt. At that point Makoto couldn’t hold it in anymore and he burst into tears, asking Haru to please not leave him. Haru wrapped his arms around Makoto wordlessly and held him tight as he cried, listening to him explain that it was all too much for him, that he had too much on his plate and that he didn’t know what else to do because he was so afraid to fail, especially since his parents were paying for his tuition. Haru let him cry and rubbed his back, and when he finally calmed down he took him to their bathtub and washed his hair as they cuddled together. Haru made him relax for the rest of the evening, and the next day he helped to make a clear schedule for him and sorted everything out. In the end, Makoto decided that it would be better to drop two of his classes and everything worked out.

2. Whenever Haru has to go on a training camp or a competition far away, they miss each other so much and saying goodbye to each other before he leaves is the hardest thing ever. They always hug each other tight at the door, sharing their last kisses in sometimes over two weeks. Separation was always difficult because they played together every single day but since they came to Tokyo and are dating, it’s even more difficult. Just the thought of not being able to see each other, not being able to hold each other and kiss each other is enough to make them tear up on the spot, even though Haru hasn’t even left yet. They still speak each other every day when Haru’s away, but it’s just not the same. So they always try to stretch the moment before Haru leaves for as long as they can, now they can still be in each other’s arms and can still kiss each other. It always results into Haru burying his face in Makoto’s chest, breathing in his comforting scent, his true home. Eventually Makoto will say that Haru really needs to go or else he’ll miss the train, but Haru always tightens his arms around him and murmurs “just a bit longer.”

3. When Makoto was small, he frequently had nightmares about ghosts and monsters that lurk in the ocean and when he woke up during the night, his imagination would play tricks on him and make him see all kinds of figures in the dark, resulting into him being even more scared and crying. When this happened at a sleepover with Haru, he would be a little embarrassed because he didn’t want to wake Haru and bother him so he would softly sob into his pillow. Haru always woke up anyway and would then call him over to sleep in his bed with him or would go lie in Makoto’s bed, so Makoto could hold onto him and he wouldn’t be so scared anymore.

4. Because of his nightmares, Makoto got a night light so that even when he woke up during the night, it wouldn’t be completely dark. Haru knew this and would make sure that if Makoto slept over at his house, he would have a night light on too. But when they had an overnight field trip of school, there would be no night light and Makoto would be even more scared. It didn’t change anything for Haru for he would just make sure that their futons would be close together, but the other kids heard Makoto sniffle softly and later on teased him about it, making him feel even worse about himself than he already did because of his nightmares and fears. Haru made sure to tell the other kids to back off and leave Makoto alone. Haru’s always been protective over Makoto, and Makoto is forever grateful that he has such a kind and brave best friend as Haru.

5. Even though Haru knows he’s Makoto’s one and only, whenever Makoto gets a confession from someone he can’t help but feel bad and bitter. He knows Makoto will turn them down, he knows that for sure, but he can’t stop his stomach from dropping when someone asks if they can speak Makoto alone for a moment. He loves Makoto so much and he knows how lucky he is to have him, and he can’t help the tiny bit of fear and pain that the idea of Makoto leaving him gives him. There really is no reason for him to worry because Makoto loves him too and he doesn’t even see anyone but Haru, so Makoto feels bad that it makes Haru feel bad. So whenever he has to reject another confession from someone, Makoto knows that he should spoil his Haru-chan even more later.

6. When Haru’s grandma died, Haru appeared to be fine; he put on his stoic mask and pretended to be apathetic about the whole situation, because he didn’t want other people to pay too much attention to him and pity him. He wanted to mourn for her by himself. But of course, there is always one person who can see right through his mask and Makoto knows just how much he’s actually hurting. So the day of her funeral, Makoto asks if he can stay over and Haru just shrugs and says that he can do whatever he wants. But later, Haru breaks down completely and cries the entire night. Makoto had expected this and just holds him close without a word, knowing that no matter what he says, nothing can take away the pain and grief Haru is experiencing. Although Haru didn’t say anything either, he actually really appreciated Makoto’s support and his shoulder to cry on.

7. Although he definitely doesn’t mind being alone, ever since his parents left, Haru can’t help but feel like his house is too big and empty sometimes, especially compared to the liveliness of Makoto’s house. Even though he doesn’t need as much human interaction as most people, he can’t help but feel lonely sometimes, like the room would just swallow him. He didn’t want to bother Makoto or be needy or something, so he didn’t say anything about it. But as always Makoto knows what’s up and like he did with grandma’s funeral, he starts to invite himself over for sleepovers. Haru acts as if he doesn’t care either way but he’s secretly really happy with Makoto’s care and company. But it’s okay that Haru doesn’t say anything, because Makoto can read him like an open book.

8. Haru lowkey has abandonment issues, always afraid of Makoto leaving him. Not so much in the sense of Makoto breaking up with him, but more of Makoto leaving him by an external cause that he cannot control. Whenever he’s at home, waiting for Makoto to return he can get really anxious if Makoto is taking longer than he expected. Even if Makoto didn’t say a specific time he’d come home, if it is taking longer than Haru anticipated, he panics and will immediately assume the worst. His mind will drift off to dark places, imagining every possible thing that could have happened to him; he got into a car accident, he was violently mugged, etc. When Makoto comes home and calls out to Haru, Haru lets out the biggest sigh of relief and immediately embraces Makoto tightly, because he was so worried that he could cry, even if he was only ten minutes later than he said he would be. After this has happened a couple of times, they have a talk about it and Haru admits to his fears. Even though there’s nothing Makoto can do to take the core of his fear away, since there are things that he doesn’t control either, he tries his best to reassure Haru. From then on, whenever he’s stuck in traffic or missed the train or ran into someone and is having a chat, he will always send Haru a message or call him to tell him that he’s okay and what’s up. And even if that does not eliminate his fear entirely, it is a great help and he really appreciates it.

9. I’m not sure if this is really a headcanon since it’s practically canon, but during the time Haru quit the swim club and was pretty down about the whole Rin situation, Makoto was hurting too. But for years he did his best, even if he didn’t know what for. Until Coach Sasabe told him what had happened during middle school, he had no clue what was going on and he actually felt pretty bad about the fact that he had to hear something that impacted his best friend so much from someone else. Although he would never force Haru to tell him anything, he wished that Haru would have told him himself, so he could have helped him, and he felt a bit passed. This only resulted him in feeling even worse about himself than he already did, because if Haru couldn’t tell him about it then that must have meant that he was not a trustworthy friend, not someone Haru could confide in and it made him feel pretty worthless. But the reason Haru didn’t tell him was because he didn’t want to bother Makoto with it, not because he didn’t trust him. And although they were both hurting, everything sorted itself out when Haru told Makoto how much he truly appreciates his support and company.

10. When Haru dies of old age, Makoto is left behind. The first couple of days it’s like he’s in a daze and he acts like he always would have, because he’s too focused on making sure Haru has the perfect funeral that is worthy of the amazing person he was. But when the funeral is over, he is left with so much emptiness, it’s indescribable. At first it seemed unreal, but every second that passes without Haru by his side is one spent in agony. He does not remember a moment in his life where he didn’t have Haru by his side, even if he was away for his swimming he was still just a phone call away, but now there’s no way he can ever see or speak or hold or kiss him ever again and it’s just unbelievable. He still has his family that cares for him and supports him, but it’s just not the same without Haru; it’s like his soul died along with Haru and he is nothing but an empty shell without his other half. He does his best to keep his demeanour up, but on the inside he just feels so empty and he realises that the words he had spoken when he was young were right; without Haru, it’s just meaningless. He misses him so incredibly much and he cries himself to sleep every night because the other half of the bed is cold and empty. Makoto dies a couple of months after Haru of cardiac arrest in his sleep.

Sorry this took me so long; I had to think about some of these a bit longer than I had about the fluffy and smutty ones, but I hope that despite them not coming as naturally to me as others did, you still liked them. Like I said before, I have lots of angsty thoughts and ideas, but they’re not headcanons since they’re all what-ifs and I don’t think they actually happened after canon.

Either way, I hope you’ll have a nice day! ^^