#but like. assuming all that is established. for sure bro i love being asleep

[mars-ipan]

honestly as an ace. dating a somnophile would be so easy

[packsbeforesnacks]

I’m Not As Think As You Drunk I Am || Noah & Winn

TIMING: Sunday, May 3rd, 2020, After Midnight LOCATION: Bottomless Booty & Noah’s Townhouse PARTIES: @noah-kalani & @packsbeforesnacks SUMMARY: Two bros, chillin’ in a king bed. (Because of Winn’s dick, see?) WARNINGS: Nudity and tomfoolery.

“It’s just,” Winn started, slurring his words very definitely slightly (he hoped), “I feel for the kids, y’know? They tried so, so, so hard and to get beaten in the last game in overtime? It’s just… unfair.” He’d long since stopped eatin’ the seafood spread out in front of him and Noah. The younger man sat across from him, picking off some truly delicious shrimp. Bottomless Booty was a little kitschy, but Winn kinda liked it. Not a spot he would’ve chosen for a date (not… that this was a date), but the food was very good. And the booze was doin’ the job. “But shit, buddy, I feel like I’m suckin’ up all the air in the room. This is supposed to be about you!” He held up his mixed drink to Noah. (They’d toasted already, but… why not.)

Taking a swig of his third (no fourth?) beer, Noah sat back in his booth, studying all of the slightly sad, and slightly drunk Winn in front of him. He wasn’t quite sure how this celebration “date” had devolved into this. Okay actually, no, that was a lie. He knew exactly how they had gotten there, with three margaritas and fifty dollars worth of crab and shrimp, but honestly? He didn’t really mind it. It had been a long time since Noah had let loose and gotten drunk with a friend. “I know the feeling and it definitely sucks buddy. But at the end of the day a game is a game. Someone has to win and someone has to lose,” he replied with a small shake of his head. “Well, you are paying for this lot.” He motioned to the carnage in front of them, “So, the least I can do is listen to your troubles.” He winked at the other dude, before picking up a stray piece of shrimp and swallowing whole.

Winn felt himself flush at the wink, still holding up his glass to Noah. Stop that, Winner. “Well,” he mumbled, suddenly self-conscious. “Thank you, Noah.” He smiled, soft and loose. “So, don’t think I’ve ever asked ya, but… Why be a vet? I mean,” he dropped his voice low, “you’re, like, part dog, so I get it, but…” He winked back, partly in belated response to Noah’s wink and partly because he was funny, dang it. Winn lowered his glass, finally. It, unfortunately (?), did things to Winn to see Noah take down that shrimp whole, but he pushed it down. What was with him and men and food? Best not to examine it. “Fuck, am I glad we Ubered, bro, I’d be a smear on the highway if I tried to drive now. Not that…” He paused, considering Noah. “I mean, I’m not drunk. Not. Definitely not.”

If this was a normal day, Noah would have noticed the way Winn suddenly flushed red at his wink. But alas it was not a normal day, and flirty Noah was already too drunk to listen to the voice in his head telling him he was steering this ship into uncharted waters. “No problem bro,” Noah replied before picking up his beer and raising it yet again to the other’s very drunk toast, clinking his glass against the others, fingertips accidentally making contact with Winn’s. Oops. Placing his glass down before him, lest he injure everyone around him, Noah figured shoving more food into his mouth would be the next best course of action. “My dad was a vet actually,” he started around a chew, before remembering his manners. “So, I always grew up with animals, even before becoming,” he leaned in, “part dog.” Grinning from ear to ear, he straightened, fingers searching for a napkin as Winn confessed to ‘not being drunk’ “Yeah, and if you’re stone cold sober, then I’m Queen Elizabeth,” he joked, tossing the used napkin playfully at the other man.

Winn, damn him, had a half-thought to hold Noah’s hand as their fingers brushed. Just a little hand-holding between bros. But he restrained himself. Barely. (His hand did, shamefully, chase Noah’s glass. But that was totally fine. Totally.) “Ah,” Winn said, intelligently. “Makes sense to go into the family business.” He had just enough memory, just enough tact, to know not to pursue Noah’s family any farther, at this point. Not while they were drunk. (Not that he was drunk.) “What’s your favorite aminal?” Wait, aminal? “Animal,” he corrected, sheepishly. Noah’s napkin hit Winn’s chest, bouncing down into his lap. Lap. Shit, he had to piss. How had he not noticed? He should bring that up soon. He started to scoot out of the booth, before realizing he’d asked a question of his friend. “Piss?” he said helpfully, listening attentively to Noah.

“It’s cliche I know, but my favorite animal has always been a wolf.” Noah grinned, ignoring Winn’s slight stutter of his words. “Oh Me? No.” Noah shook his head assuming that’s what Winn meant when he mentioned piss. “But I can get the check while you’re doing it?” he asked, trying to be helpful, because, yeah, neither of them probably needed to stay and sink further into a drunken stupor, especially as Winn kinda paused at the end of the booth eyes slightly glazed. Oh boy. Winn was really really drunk wasn’t he? “Come here, big boy,” Noah said motioning for the other man to stand up and come closer to him, plan already in motion. See, Noah was gonna be a responsible drunk. He was gonna get everything paid, and both of them in an Uber, and everything was gonna be a-okay. But first. Money. “Need wallet to pay so we can go,” he grunted, reaching for the obvious bulge in Winn’s ass pocket before realizing. This was Winn. He was grabbing Winn’s ass. A man he had not established these “bro I touch your ass because you touch mine all the time” protocols with. Shit. Noah. What the actual fuck.

Wallet? What was… where was his wallet? Noah had mentioned something about the check. Right. They definitely had to pay. And Winn had to piss. Hmm. Winn stood at Noah’s call, almost trancelike, and walked towards Noah. He tilted his head a bit at “big boy,” even as drunk as he wasn’t, Winn scoffed a little bit. It wasn’t, like… Noah wasn’t small. He could take Winn. Had. Jacked up on Full Moon juice and bein’ pissed that Winn had given him the ol’ sniff. Which, if Winn wasn’t careful, was definitely going to happen again. He knew he wasn’t steady, and as Noah groped at his ass, Winn felt himself sling forward a little into Noah’s personal space. Did he always have to smell good? Fucking hell. But… Why was Noah grabbing his ass? It felt nice, but, like… Noah was, like, strai— Wallet. That wasn’t where his wallet was. That was his phone. Winn grunted low and close to Noah’s ear, and mumbled, “Front.” Thinking that maybe Noah wouldn’t catch the drift, Winn took his hand and placed it on the front of his pants, where his wallet bulged out… He hoped? He really, really hoped. His head leaned into Noah’s shoulder for a moment, as he snickered. He was a mess. They were a mess. This was a good night.

And now it was Noah’s turn to blush, the events unfolding before him like some sort of weird, sexy horror movie. Okay, well, maybe not a horror movie, per se. But it was definitely not Noah’s usual light-hearted, comedic, “Oh, I'm definitely not touching my super hot wolf friend’s dick right now, and having a panic attack because maybe I kinda like it?” genre, that was for sure. Moving his hand from Winn’s crotch, Noah grabbed the wallet, easing it gently out of the other man’s pocket and ignoring the weight on his shoulder. Because, yeah, leave it to drunk as a skunk Winn to make him have a bisexual crisis in the middle of a pirate-themed restaurant and then have the nerve to lean in for CUDDLES. Who did this motherfucker think he was? “Okay, go piss now,” Noah said gruffly, turning the other man around as fast as he could before they scared all the children. “I can handle this,” he said, waving the wallet in Winn’s direction. Hopefully, the other man was just sober enough to do that on his own, because Noah definitely needed a few seconds.

The bathroom, when Winn eventually found it, was somehow also pirate-themed. He was pretty sure he saw a “wipe your booty” sign, which, were he way more sober than he was right now, would be… mildly funny. Since he was drunk, it was hilarious. But. No laughing. Pissing. Right. When he wandered out of the bathroom a couple’a minutes later, Winn noticed Noah sitting at the booth, right where Winn had left him. Man, he had a pretty friend, huh? He should definitely tell him that. Definitely. He slid into the booth next to Noah, pushing the other man into the dividing wall between the booths and the tables in the main area. “Hey,” Winn said, dopey smile on his face, head leaned into Noah’s shoulder. They were super close. Winn loved bein’ close with his bros. Felt good, man. “You’re super hot, bro. You know that? Suuuuuper,” he dropped his voice low, feelin’ like maybe Noah could use some teasin’. Winn hadn’t teased him at all today! “Hot,” he finished, yawning. Noah’s shoulder was super comfy. He could get used to this… Then, because, well, in for a penny, in for a pound, he added, “Baby…” His voice was low, sleepy, a little mumbly. “I’d kiss you so nice.” And then, well. Then, Winn was asleep.

Once the hormones of the moment dissipated and Noah Kalani was able to get a breath of fresh air, he put the rest of his “I am a drunk yet responsible adult” plan into action, starting with motioning the waiter over for the check, and ending with ordering an Uber for the both of them. When Winn beelined for him, Noah should have known what was going to happen next, the older man sliding in and leaning on his shoulder. It had been a long time since anyone had been this, well, physical? No wait, that wasn't the right word. Cuddly? Caring? Gentle? Supportive? to him in a long time, and it was safe to say it was, well, kinda nice. Especially coming from someone who he knew actually meant every word. Even the ones that sent a full body flush down his spine. “Winn?” Noah asked, trying not to blanch too hard, thoughts still spinning of Winn and Kissing, and of Winn wanting to Kiss him. And… how would it even be to kiss a man? But the answer he was looking for never came, because of course Winn Woods would choose now to pass the fuck out. Goddamnit. Shaking all of the thoughts out of his head (because one crisis at a time, Kalani) Noah elbowed the other into submission, somehow getting them out of the restaurant and into their awaiting Uber.

Winn may have been drunk (and, alright, yes, he could admit, now, that he was drunk), but he was still a pretty light sleeper. Noah’s body pressed up against his, trying to guide them out of the restaurant, jostled him enough that he woke up and, bare minimum, held himself up as Noah guided him. He’d have to thank the man later. Had he mentioned kissing? Winn hoped he hadn’t said that aloud; he just wanted to mess with Noah, not freak the other guy out. The world went woozy again, as Noah put him into the Uber and, safety be damned, Winn refused to put on a seatbelt. Not when there was a Noah. He was a wolf, he’d be fiiiiine. The Uber was surprisingly roomy, enough for Winn to slink down in his seat, to tip over to the side, and to have his head land in Noah’s lap. Oops. “I’m sorry,” he said to… Noah? The driver? It was unclear. “We tip well. Five stars. Just lemme nap, pleeease.” Okay, so. To the driver, then. Here, in the darkness of the car, in the quiet, Winn felt… safe. Lo— Ha, no. He reached his hand back, under (?) his body, to grab at one of Noah’s (extremely nice) hands, guiding it to his hair. “It’s still your lap, buddy, just…” He laughed at the joke he was about to make. “Pretend I’m a dog. Pet me, Kalani.” He winked. His eyes were definitely closed, but, like, it was an emotional wink. Noah would feel it. Before passing out again, Winn felt a gentle, tentative hand in his hair. Oh.

While wrestling a whole almost 200 pounds of Winn into the car was relatively easy in the grand scheme of things, getting a seatbelt on him proved even more difficult. “Winn. Stop moving,” Noah said through gritted teeth, before simply giving up and letting the other just fall into his lap. And any other time he’d have just bro-elbowed him back into place, but for now the younger boy let it slide, too tired to care. His drunk mind focused on getting them both home safely. And preferably with the least amount of moving. But of course Winn had other ideas, grabbing Noah’s hand and spouting useless babble Noah’s drunk ears barely registered. “Your buddy okay back there?” the Uber driver asked tentatively, as if only to gauge the possibility of cleanup—or worse, shenanigans—the thought of which made Noah look down at Winn and roll his eyes. Leave it to Winn to make everything awkward again, and then stick him with the cleanup duty. But, for some odd reason, looking down at the man in his lap, he couldn't find it in his heart to be mad at the big lug. In fact, he felt oddly protective, the wolf in him comforted by the fact Winn was close and warm and nice. Was this what it was like? Having a pack? Noah didn’t know, but what he did know is that the brute in his lap wanted to be petted, and he guessed he would oblige. “He’s fine… He’s just drunk,” Noah responded quietly, brushing a stray piece of hair out of Winn’s eyes. Because yeah. Winn was just drunk. Noah was just drunk. None of this meant anything because they were both just drunk.

To Winn’s credit, he was a calm and quiet lapdog. He drifted in and out of sleep, only occasionally shifting his head to nudge deeper into the warmth that was Noah, feeling just… nice. Was he snoring, just a little, or was that a drunken thought? Noah’s hand, petting Winn just as the older man had asked-begged, soothed him, the wolf enjoying it as much as (if not more than) his human self did. The car eventually stopped outside of Noah’s house and the door cracked open, letting the cool spring air in and rustling Winn fully awake. He was… slightly more sober? Decently-slightly. He could make it to a door without any help, definitely. Instead, what Winn said as he half-rolled out of the car was, “Help me?”, stretching his arms and legs out and into Noah’s waiting grip, half-falling on the man. “I could go home, I’m fine,” he said, leaning against the younger man for support. “But I don’t want to...” Wait, had he said that aloud? Eh, fuck it. It was true. “Thankyouuu!” he called back into the car as Noah shut the door.

Feeling the car come to a stop, Noah jerked out of his drunken stupor, fingers intertwined in Winn’s hair, hazy eyes looking out for his aunt’s townhouse. Okay yeah, they were here, cool. Now to get both of them out of the car. Untangling himself from the other man, Noah reached over and pushed Winn’s door open for him, a grin erupting on his face as Winn practically fell out of it on his own accord. Yup, that about summed the night up. Exiting the car himself, Noah walked around to heed Winn’s pleas, pulling the dude upright again almost effortlessly. Winn was lucky he chose to get drunk with a dude who could haul him over his head and benchpress him. “I will not let your drunken ass go home by yourself, maaaate,” he grunted out as he hauled Winn up the steps to his front door, hand digging in his pockets for his keys. “Bros need tuh look out for bros,”he said, if only to fill the silence as he fumbled with the lock. Damn depth perception. Finally, the door swung open, revealing, by the hall light on, one of his large ass water bottles left on the entryway table with a note that said: “Drink me, bitch.” Aunt Leah, man, the Real MVP.  Taking a large swig himself, Noah carefully held out the bottle for Winn, chuckling as he grasped at it like he’d never had water in his entire life. “Thirsty, huh?” Noah snorted before he hauled them further into the house. Usually, he’d dump his friends on the couch, brownie points accomplished, but today? Nah, today he headed up the stairs. Winn had had a weekend it seemed; he deserved a bed.

The next thing Winn remembered was water being tipped into his mouth. He grasped at it, nearly (but not!) dropping it, suddenly aware of how thirsty he was. One chug, and it was gone. “More,” he gasped out, before realizing that was maybe not a good idea. “Wait, no. Not more. Yes more, but not more in me, more near me.” Winn had never been inside Noah’s house — well, not more than the entryway, guiding Noah’s snoring body to a couch, but he knew he was being led up stairs. He wasn’t as sleepy, which was… good, probably. And he felt, like, a little guilty, which meant that he was definitely sobering up. Wolf problems. “Sorry,” he mumbled, but then, louder: “Sorry, really. I’m… sorry.” Oh fuck, was he getting emotional? “This was supposed to be about you, babe, I mean. Buddy. I mean. Fuck.” They landed at the top of the stairs, and Winn suddenly felt a strong urge to hug the other man. So, he did. “Wanna hang with you sober, get to know you, I really… like you, Noah,” he said, smiling against Noah’s neck. “But we gotta stop meetin’ like this.” He let go of Noah for a second, looking into the other man’s eyes. The moonlight cut through a nearby window, and Winn re-realized, for what had to be the millionth time tonight, how beautiful the other man was. Winn leaned in, he could just… No. He chickened out, not willing to take the rejection, not willing to make Noah hate him, no matter how much he wanted to. Instead, he planted a kiss to Noah’s cheek, hugging him again, tightly. “Thank you,” he said, quietly. What for, he wasn’t sure.

Standing at the top of the stairs Noah just looked over at Winn, drunken mind not really comprehending what was going on right now. Winn was sorry? Why was he sorry? “Why are you sorry?” Noah voiced aloud as Winn started hugging him. And then he said the sentence that Noah was most familiar with, something that he had been told by countless women… and now one really drunk bro. I really like you. Oh. OH. Winn liked him. Oh my god. Winn liked him. That's why he was sorry, because he liked him. “Wait, what?” Noah breathed out, slightly confused. Why would Winn of all people like him? I mean, don't get him wrong, Noah knew he had a lot to offer (he was smoking hot and had his life relatively together), but at the same time… his brain trailed off looking at the man in front of him. This was Winn Woods, okay? Like, all hard edges and smooth talking. He was one of the boys, Noah’s boys, and while Noah had no problem with Winn being gay… Man, was he too drunk for this. But then Winn was kissing him, or rather Winn was kissing his cheek, and Noah's brain actually short-circuited right then and there, the feeling of stubble on his face for the first time almost too much. “Winn.” Noah placed a hand on the other’s chest gently before realizing how Winn might take that. A clear stop. A hard no. Rejection. Noah had been on the receiving end of this hand enough times to know what it could be construed as. “Wait, no. This is. I’m not pushing away. Just. I need to…” He trailed off, not really knowing how to vocalize what he needed in the moment, but hoping Winn would understand.

On the plus side, Winn figured Noah didn’t hate him. And, wasn’t… rejectin’ him? What was there to really reject, though? Winn was physically affectionate, he’d kissed bros on the cheek before! And Noah was straight, so, like, he didn’t think Noah would reciprocate the, like, lust for Noah that Winn had. He knew what this was, and he was alright with it! But sometimes, your bro just looks… extremely good. And you kiss him on the cheek, and it’s a pleasant tingle in your lips because your bro’s skin is, like, so warm. Ugh. He was too drunk for this. And not drunk enough. He barely processed what Noah was saying, figuring that he needed no more cheek kisses. Awright. Winn could do that! Easily. He followed Noah to the other man’s room, taking a token stop in the restroom (good, he’d probably need that before dawn!), and sat at the edge of the other man’s bed. Was there a tension in the air? Naw, Winn was probably imaginin’ it. “Sooooo,” he drawled. His voice was still slurring, a bit, but he figured he sounded… better? “Couch? Floor? I can do either, just need, I’unno a blanket or somethin’. Pillow, we’re… not animals.” He winked at the other man, unsure if Noah could even see it in the dim light coming in through the window. “Or, hey!” Winn said, an amazing idea coming to his head. “This bed’s big enough for the two of us. We can, like, squeeze together, it’ll be dope. I’m super warm, bud, I’m a great bed-buddy.” He smiled. Amazing idea. Yes. Winn patted the spot on the bed next to him, rolling over and making room for Noah and pulling off his shirt. (Didn’t want to get too warm.)

Watching Winn back away without a care in the world, Noah breathed a small sigh of relief. He could live another day without having to do some major introspection on his own life and why he kinda wasn’t like all the way put off by Winn’s kiss. Excellent. Leading the other down the hall, Noah pointed to the door on the right of his own and motioned that that was the bathroom, lest Winn need it or anything before opening the door to his own room. He was lucky he chose to clean up his space before going out on his date, (no, wait, that was not a DATE) bed nicely made and no dirty clothes in sight. Placing the small ratted wolf stuffed animal that sat in the middle of the bed on his desk for safekeeping, Noah just rolled his eyes at the other. He was going to let Winn take the bed anyway, but he guessed he could also be in it too. Hopefully… maybe… “Fine. We can share the bed, it is a king-size after all.” He shrugged, trying not to make too much of everything lest he have another heart attack. Cuz you know they were just two bros, sharing a bed after a cheek kiss. Five feet apart cuz they weren’t gay. Or at least Noah wasn’t. Gay, that is. Turning around, Noah pushed it all out of his mind, preferring to think of Winn as one of his footballer friends as he went to rummage around for sleep clothes. Yes, Marco and everyone had slept in his bed before. In a very non-gay way. So, why did this feel any different? “Also, here.” Noah threw a pair of basketball shorts at Winn before stripping out of his jeans and into his own pair. “These will be better than those.” He motioned as he turned around just in time to watch Winn pull off his shirt in a way that should not have made Noah raise an eyebrow but also. Damn Winn. Like, Noah was a jock, and he’d been around plenty of muscled men, but still just. Damn. And also were those… nipple piercings?

Winn ran a sleepy hand down his chest, scratching at the light dusting of hair on his stomach, as he watched Noah strip out of his jeans. Damn. Bro had legs… and, well. Winn wasn’t going to be a creep, ‘course not, but that was a nice ass. Noah was starin’ at his chest and, like, Winn was a good-looking guy, but why would a straight dude be givin’ him the once-over? He ran his hand back up his chest, realizing as he glanced a hand across his piercings. “Oh, right. You didn’t know about the bars! Forgot you were the only one not on campus that day.” He flicked one of them, ‘cause why not, and winked. Winn caught some basketball shorts to the face for his ogling. Was he supposed to… change into them? Awright, sure. Jeans weren’t comfy, ‘specially not when cuddlin’. Winn stood from where he’d rolled on Noah’s bed, and shucked his jeans. Winn had forgotten something important, something he failed to realize as he walked around the bed. “Oh, bro,” he said, stark-ass naked, to Noah, trying to get the other man’s attention. He looked distracted. Weird. “D’you have, like, mouthwash? Or, uh, an extra toothbrush? Booze breath plus dog breath plus mornin’ breath would be… bad, for our friendship.” He laughed, and glanced down, immediately realizing that the emperor had, uh, no clothes. “Shoot.” Winn quickly jumped back onto the bed, grabbing the basketball shorts he’d forgotten, slipping them on, and, well, giving Noah an eyeful, most likely. “Oops,” he mumbled. “It’s, like… bro. Wolves, you know? We get real… comfortable with nudity, and, like, I don’t like wearin’ underwear all the time, ‘specially with jeans, and, um…” Winn knew he was blushing and brought a sheepish hand up to his hair, running it through. “Well,” he started, laughing, “you already, uh, felt it, right? Seein’ it must not be… worse? I am… going to go look for some mouthwash and take a leak and, uh, like, whichever side of the bed you want. BRB.” Well. Embarrassment sure was one way to sober up.

“Why? Did you put out a PSA that you were getting them pierced or something?” Noah replied, rolling his eyes as Winn fondled his nipples in his general direction, the sudden amazement now lost on him after that. Noah picked up his shucked off jeans and t-shirt, folding them neatly and placing them on his desk chair, not paying much attention to Winn. “Yeah, I’ve got mouthwash in the bathroom, and if you want a toothbrush just let me…” He trailed off, eyes finally catching hold of the real elephant in the room. Because surprise, there was now a dick. Winn’s dick, to be exact. Literally, Noah turned around for two seconds and all of a sudden he was transported into Magic Mike. Except with way more tangible DICK. And it wasn’t that he had never seen dick before, oh no no no. He’d seen plenty of dick before. Nice dicks, too. But there was something about Winn's dick that just. Noah could feel his full body flush crimson against his will. Goddamn. He was too drunk for this. But as soon as the dick was there, it was gone, Winn realizing what a predicament he must be putting Noah in and grabbing the shorts (but not before giving Noah a moonful). Hoping that that was the last of it (because, really, how much worse could it get past accidentally seeing your new friend’s unsolicited dick), Noah flopped face first onto the bed, mind just done for the day. “I'm not uncomfortable with nudity,” he groaned out into his pillow, begging Winn for the love of God to stop talking before he made it even weirder. “I just need you to take it all of this down a notch, pal.” Lifting his head slightly, Noah hoped Winn heard his plea before he scampered into the bathroom.

Winn was, just barely, sober enough now to feel, like, a little bit bad. This, probably, wasn’t as bad as the sniffin’ incident, but… well, it wasn’t great. At least, this time, Winn was drunk. He knew he was a lot when drunk, and Noah hadn’t ever had to deal with that before. So. No more drunk Winn for Noah, not for a while. Winn had to prove that he could be, like, a good friend and a fun person to hang around that could literally keep his dick in his pants. He’d just forgotten. Really! (God, he hoped Noah believed him.) Winn swished the mouthwash around, spit, and thought about his life and his choices. Noah hadn’t kicked him out of bed, yet, so… That was a win. Cuddlin’ was still on. This night was still good, he still felt good, but it was a pleasant buzz, not an all-consuming torrent of booze and emotion. He was the epitome of control. Noah had left the light on for him, but was snugly in the bed, toned back to Winn. Winn wouldn’t have taken Noah for a little spoon, most straight guys were weird about that, but Winn was happy for the contact. He turned the light off, toeing off his socks (and, really, how had they stayed on?) and flinging them in the direction of his shirt and jeans. Winn slid into bed and under Noah’s sheets and wrapped an arm around the younger man’s torso, breathing soft onto the skin on Noah’s neck. “Hey,” he whispered, not knowing whether or not Noah had passed out already (he hadn’t reacted when Winn had come back). “Just wanted to say that I had a good time tonight. Thanks for takin’ care of me, and lettin’ me stay over. I appreciate it.” He pulled the other man closer, settling in for the long haul. He yawned. “Good night, bro. See you in the mornin’.” The last thing Winn remembered was the warmth of Noah’s body next to him, the other man’s presence easing both Winn and the wolf into a peaceful and, for once, uninterrupted sleep.

Using the five seconds he had in his bed alone, Noah rolled over slightly, eyes finding the wall. It was safe to say this night was not exactly the one he had planned, you know with the whole surprise kiss, and then the surprise dick. But honestly, as far as drunken nights went this one was really not that bad. Because yeah, what’s a dick among friends. Yeah. Friends. Frowning slightly at that word (for reasons only his subconscious knew), Noah sighed, snuggling his way into the sheets. His tired body was already starting to drift off against his will, but not before he registered Winn sliding in. And normally, Noah would have gently elbowed the other man to his own side, setting clear boundaries. But man. He’d already seen the guy’s dick, and ass. And he was just. He was so touch-starved at the moment that he couldn’t help but melt into the arm around his waist, part of him grateful that he had a bro like Winn to hold him. Even if just for a little bit. “It’s all no problem,” Noah mumbled out, rubbing his cheek against his pillow slightly as he settled. “Night Winn.” And with that, Noah drifted off into his own unconscious, sweet, sweet sleep finally calling his name.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Bitter Grounds (baon)

Summary: Sans wasn't asking for much, just a cup of coffee with Edge. And maybe the answers to all the problems in his life, if Edge could give him that, that'd be great, thanks.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationship, Angst

Notes: 

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

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Of all the things Sans planned out for his day, sitting in a kitchen watching Edge make coffee wasn’t one of ‘em. That meant going through the whole matinee show, not like the Edgelord was going to settle for some Folgers crystals, was it. Oh, no, he had to grind the beans before pouring them into basket, filter some water and pour it in to brew. Set out cream and sugar like he didn’t already know they both took their coffee black, just in case Sans grew a sweet tooth on his way over.

Edge had a thing about appearances, and far be it for Sans to be pissy about it. It was his party, Edge could make coffee how he wanted.

But the wait left Sans sitting at the table, trying not to fidget too blatantly. Wasn’t like he hadn’t asked for this, anyway, because he had, and directly at that. Bald-faced told Edge he wanted to talk, and he was only a little surprised that Edge readily agreed. Not that he had a problem with Edge, nah, not anymore. Took him a little while to get to there, that he could admit, but not as bad as Stretch’d been at the beginning. Judging Edge off one glance at his LV and there were times Sans idly wondered how things might’ve been different if that hadn’t been the case.

Not that he ever wanted a chance for a do-over, thanks. The very thought made him shudder, fuck, he didn’t even want to speculate and tempt the fates. Buckle that idea down, drop it in the mental void, and move on.

Sans’s only real issue with Edge was the whole ‘looking through a darkened mirror’ angle, seeing his bro the way he could’ve been in a not-too-different time and place; who knew what butterfly effect sent Underfell teetering the way it did, which step down what path left so much dust in its wake. Red was easier in a lot of ways, mostly because Sans could see himself a little too easily there. Assholes were easy to deal with when you were one.

But a version of Paps with LV, that’d been a struggle.

It was easier these days. There were still little bits of resemblance, sure, but a few months Aboveground and all of ‘em grew in different directions. Nature and nurture, Sans guessed, they were all plenty different underneath the thin veneer of similarity.

The smell of the coffee intruded, and Sans took the interruption gratefully, accepting the plain mug Edge handed him. His own mug said, ‘I love you a latte’, and Sans didn’t need two guesses to know who gave him that one.

A plate of cookies joined the mug, proper biscotti, la-te-da. Sans took one, using it as a crispy spoon to stir the dark liquid. “so, your bro—"

“No,” Edge calmly interrupted him. He took a sip of his coffee, holding the mug in both gloved hands. “Absolutely not. I don’t suffer from my brother’s twisted Cupid sensibilities. If you want him, you’re on your own.”

Oh. Well, that was fucking helpful wasn’t it. Sans dunked his cookie into his cup again a little too hard and it broke off, sinking into the murky depths. Trying to fish it out only turned it to mushy crumbs that weren’t worth eating or drinking, or whatever combination of the two might work.

Seemed like a metaphor for something and Sans didn’t want to guess at what. Sans sighed and shoved the mug aside. “okay, then. thanks anyway, edgelord, i’ll see you around.”

Before he could dredge up enough magic to shortcut the hell out of there, Edge said his name with quiet intensity, and how fucked up must it be for the others, to call someone else by their brother’s name? “Sans, I would give a great deal to see my brother happy. More than I can properly explain. But I can’t give you any advice about him. There’s nothing I could tell you that you don’t already know, one way or another. Out of all of us, you and Red are the most similar.”

Sans was always smiling, couldn’t exactly help it; he was born with it, Maybelline. But the bitterness the curled the edges of it was entirely a bonus. “yeah, and i know exactly what kind of fuck up i am.”

But Edge sent him off kilter again, pinballing in another direction by saying, “Actually, I was thinking that if there was anyone I would choose for my brother, it would be you.”

Sans didn’t realize he was gaping until Edge reached out and firmly tapped his chin, closing his mouth with a click.

The Papyrus-types had it a little easier with the facial expressions, and Edge’s mouth twisted into a wry smirk, “Being a fuck up is probably a prerequisite before trying a relationship of any sort with my brother.”

Yeah, that could get packaged up for preaching on Sundays. Sans looked into the cookie/coffee soup in his mug, but there wasn’t much point. None of the answers he was looking for were gonna be in there, either.

i don’t know what i’m doing. i’m gonna fuck this up, gonna make everything worse. i want him so fucking much that sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and i can’t breathe because i think i’m alone and i can only start again when i reach out and find him. my soul aches without him, and i can’t tell him any of this shit because he’ll run, i know he’ll run, end up in a truck stop in kansas, drinking shitty coffee and hiding from the world, because once upon a time i’d do the same fucking thing

It was kinda a relief that none of those tangled thoughts managed to unwind enough to work their way out of his stupid mouth. He’d turned off all the listening devices in the kitchen and had a handy jammer tucked in his pocket, but Sans knew better than to ever assume that Red wasn’t listening at all times. Probably another sign of how fucked up Sans was, because he was almost fond of the idea, Red as this ever-presence, making sure they were all safe and sound, and not hiding any troublesome shit from him. Like they all didn’t have twisted ways of showing they cared?

Good thing Red hadn’t found a way yet to read minds, but Sans wouldn’t doubt it was somewhere on his list.

Edge was watching him with crimson eye lights that were so like his brother’s, sipping his coffee and waiting for Sans to gather up enough of his wits to not sound like a complete fool. Half a fool was probably the best he could do.

“thanks,” Sans managed, finally. Came out a little throaty and wrong, and let the Edgelord make what he would of that. For now, Sans only reached out to pat Edge’s gloved hand right in time for the footsteps he heard in the living room to make their way into the kitchen, the door swinging open as Stretch stepped in.

He scowled almost immediately, glaring down at where their hands were curled together before asking with mock anger, “what the fuck are you two doing in here?”

“having some hot coffee,” Sans said with as much smarm as he could, stroking the back of Edge’s hand with his fingertips while he crammed in the innuendo until it was practically spilling out on the spotlessly clean floor. Well worth it to see Stretch puff up like a poison frog, honestly fucking hilarious because they all damn well knew that Edge’s star was tied to Stretch’s pretty little wagon. Sans could’ve done a strip tease and a lapdance and Edge would’ve stayed cool enough to spit out a pat of butter.

Meanwhile, Stretch’s eye lights were bleeding into orange to showcase some real temper and it wasn’t Edge he was looking at. Wasn’t that flattering, gee willy whiz, if he’d know he was being cast as a sexpot this afternoon, Sans would have worn his fancy shorts.

It was Edge who short-circuited the incoming temper tantrum, hooking his foot behind Stretch’s knees and sending him tumbling into his lap. He held him firmly when Stretch would’ve squirmed away, both arms around him until he settled in sullenly, still glaring at Sans.

“Down, boy,” Edge said dryly. He seemed pretty damn amused by the whole thing; maybe it was the Underfell part of him that liked it when his honey got possessive, liked Stretch playing greedy-guts over him. Sans could only hope. “We were only talking about my brother.”

That deflated him, Stretch sagging back into Edge’s firm hold. “oh.”

“oh?” Sans mimicked, shaking his head sadly. “that it? no ‘i am terribly sorry, sans, for ever questioning your intentions. you are truly a skeleton of honor and would never betray the bonds of family.’”

“fuck off and keep your hands off my husband,” Stretch said, sweetly, and Sans snickered.

“yeah, yeah, he’s all yours,” Sans hopped out of his seat, giving his coccyx a good scratch, partly because it itched and partly so Edge would huff at his manners. But he really did need to leave, right now, because he was good with Stretch and Edge together, of fucking course he was; those two belonged together, peanut butter and chocolate, shoes and socks, the thigh bone connected to the hip bone, aluminum foil and leftovers. Whatever fucking metaphor felt like joining in to play.

He was good with it, perfectly fine with Stretch’s cute, insincere jealousy, but his own was burning, sitting uneasily inside him because they got to have this. They got to play at petulance, and he could guess what was gonna happen the moment he shortcutted out, what words they’d whisper to each other in their bed before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Meanwhile, he’ll go back to Red’s and they can both pretend he was never here today. He’ll take whatever scraps Red can offer him, clinging stubbornly to every lick of affection whether it’s fucking or food, puns or snark, and anything in between, telling himself it’s better than nothing while he argues silently with a damn cat over which one of them has possession of Red’s lap tonight.

It wasn’t enough, never was, but it was what he got, and he loved Red enough to take it. So yeah, that was all, wasn’t it, but he still needed to leave. Right now.

Sans offering a lazy little wave and took a shortcut, letting his smile that never faded show him out. It was okay, it really was, and maybe he didn’t have any new answers, but he hadn’t lost anything, either. Sometimes that was the best you could do.

His shortcut only took him as far as the sidewalk, but he didn’t try for another. The streets were empty, not a car or a kid in sight. Nightfall came earlier these days and it was already getting cold again, the wind blowing icy fingers through the thin protection of his hoodie. Sans only tucked his hands into his pockets and started on the long walk over to Red’s house. He could use the time to get his head on straight, because trying to do anything with Red without having your ducks in a row was a good way to get your ass handed to you, and Sans wasn’t in the mood for it.

For now, at least, everything was hanging out in the status quo. Sans’d fuck it all up eventually, that was a given, but it wasn’t gonna be tonight.

-finis-

[concealeddarkness13]

A New Dawn Part 8

In which Kai and Rat steal, and Kai actually opens up. Tagging my collaborator @ratracechronicler!

Intro

Kai: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Rat: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

That afternoon, after Motor left for his home, as we returned to the hotel, I stole some more machines to use in my alien shield machine. When we got back to the hotel room, I pulled out the few machines I got and started disassembling them to put the parts I needed into the alien shield machine.

Rat sat down right next to me and leaned close so that her face was a few inches from mine. I still didn’t look up from my machines. She stared at me. “I been thinking…”

“Dangerous,” I muttered.

She smirked. “You’ve been getting sticky fingers. Getting your hands on little trinkets here and there. You’ve got a couple better options for parts. One, we ask Eli’s bro, and he dumps a junkyard on our heads, but that might take time. Two, we go garbage-diving, which my dignity cannot stand right now. Dunno about yours. Three, we go splitting. For those in the crowd new to Tersatellan crime, that means we steal from some residencies.”

Splitting was a cool name for stealing. Residencies on the other hand… “Why don’t you just call them ‘houses’?”

Rat brushed it off. “There’s a difference. I forget what it is. Probably resis are more Plexus-controlled.” Eh. They were still houses. “We are very sensitive about it. Don’t question it. Doesn’t matter. All you need to know is, they’ve got shiny things inside of them that might help with your extracurricular activities here.”

I almost told her what I was working on, but I stopped myself. If she knew I was working on a machine that could protect me from the aliens’ emotion meddling, she might assume that I was planning on going off on my own to find them (which wasn’t the case yet), so she wouldn’t help me. And anyway, it would be nice to steal with someone else again. A smile pulled at my lips. I tinkered with the new machine a little longer, but there wasn’t more that I could do, so I stood up and wiped the grease off on my pants. “What kind of stealing?”

“Maybe some beacons, some junctioners—high-tech stuff. And some blenders or sun lamps if we find anything good. One little four-room nearby I got my eye on. Won’t take long. I got a plan.”

The last time she had an idea, she took me to that party, and I still didn’t understand why that was supposed to be fun. But still, stealing with her should be a lot more fun. “You have a plan. I like the sound of this already.”

Rat grinned and ran off. “Eli! Would it be okay if we dropped you off at the Academy and look around or sign up or whatever you wanna do? It’s girl time—Kai and I are going shopping.”

“I’ll stay behind and sleep, or guard our room.”

I frowned and walked over to where they were talking. It wasn’t fair that Eli wasn’t coming with us. “You’re not coming?”

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I’m, ah, not much for the thieving scene myself.”

Rat laughed. “He’s got the moves for it, but he’s too moral.”

I stayed quiet as Rat brought me down to the car and drove off. I had to keep a mental checklist of what I still needed and how it would need to be put together now that I didn’t have my machine to tell me all of it. I should be able to remember what I needed, but I wanted to make sure.

Rat glanced over at me. “He’s also gonna establish an alibi for us. Not that I plan on being so sloppy as to get accused of anything. Now, how’s your search engine?”

“My what?”

“Y’know. That thing in your head, helps you look for electrical stuff.”

I looked around and frowned. Still no machines. “Still inoperative.”

“Lovely. You’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way, then. Sorry. At least there’s not much more my own Reaching can do to you.” She glanced over at me again. “That’s what I call it—my curse thing where I can ID and X-out stuff.”

“Have you…always been able to—” Crap. I shouldn’t be pushing her to talk about something she probably didn’t want to talk about. “I’m sorry if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s fine. The control thing is new. Like, I’ve only been able to do it on purpose for maybe a couple weeks. Or not do it. But, I mean, as far as I can remember, it’s just…happened.” She shook her head with a smile. “Having it under wraps’s gonna help us. Don’t worry about me. Under control. The swoop we’re gonna pull’s called glace noir—I name all my heist plans after drinks. This one’s where we cut a resi’s power and then rob it while everyone’s gone.”

I frowned. How tight was security in these houses? “Why do you have to cut the power if they’ll be gone? Are there defenses?”

“They’re inside to begin with, but—look around while your vision’s clear.” I looked around, but it was all the same houses spaced evenly apart. “We’re in a neighborhood now, see? Low residencies. No windows. Cut the power, and it goes pitch black in there, except sometimes a safety light to guide you to an exit. Plus they’re shut pretty tight, so if you’re not letting in air somehow…they’re not safe without power. It’ll give us a 10-15 minute window to sneak in and have our run of the place before operatives show up to fix the problem. Capiche?”

Ten to fifteen minutes would be plenty of time. “I think so.” I bounced my leg as I stared out the window. This was going to be good. Rat went over a few more details as she parked.

I followed Rat’s lead as we snuck through the dark to get to the house Rat wanted to steal from. When we reached the house, Rat cracked open the door, and I frowned. “It’s not even locked?”

She smiled back at me. “Most residencies aren’t. Welcome to Tersatellus. They trust each other too much here.”

Well, that would be easier back on my planet. I didn’t have time to think too much about that because the lights went off in the house. Someone screamed inside, and Rat pulled me into a shed. When nothing happened, Rat snuck out, and I waited.

“No one really cares about you. You’re just a burden to them.”

I hissed out a breath at the whisper. And I glanced behind me, but of course no one was there. Was I just imagining the voices now?

Rat came back and gestured me forward, and I pushed away the thoughts. Right. I had to focus on stealing. She led me into the house, and I grinned as I panned my flashlight over all the useful stuff. Rat laughed. “We’re in. Alright. These things aren’t entirely soundproof, as you heard, so we can talk, but keep your voice down. From the light around the corner, it looks like they didn’t shut the door, so avoid the living room. Meet me back here in ten minutes, or when you hear someone at the front door. Go.”

I rushed for the kitchen and grabbed what I knew I needed, and then I moved on to the rooms. These guys had so much tech. Why did they need so much? Surely, they wouldn’t miss it.

“You’re weak and pathetic. You can’t do anything on your own. And you won’t be able to protect your friends from us.”

I growled and snatched a necklace. I…I wasn’t useless. I had survived on my own for years. And anyway, I had to focus. I only had a few more minutes. I grabbed one more machine and snuck back to the kitchen.

At least I was there first. When Rat walked in, I forced a grin and pulled out all the stuff I had grabbed. She grinned back. “You made really great work of a quick job, lady. Real—”

Voices. People were coming through the back door. I automatically run for the front door, and Rat is right in front of me. I push all the tech into my pockets as Rat peaked outside. “One guy by the street with his back turned.” She paused. “Follow my lead quick and quiet.”

I nodded, and Rat dashed out of the door. I followed her up onto a box and up to the roof. She smiled over at me, and I smiled back. See, stupid whispers in my head? Rat cares.

She beckoned for me to go to the middle of the roof, and we stayed away from the edges. “All we gotta do is wait til they clear the back area—then we run that way a bit, get lost in the crowd and walk very casually back to the car.”

I eyed her. “If we get caught, we’re no longer friends.”

Rat suppressed a snort. “I shall weep for a thousand and one nights. You know, escaping jail together is also a great bonding experience.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but someone cried out. Rat snuck up to the edge of the roof, and she whispered back at me. “They went inside. We’re loose!” Rat jumped off the roof, and I followed, but I hissed out a breath. How could she do that without wincing? Rat grabbed my hand before I could fully recover, and she dragged me to the car. She jumped into the driver’s seat, and once I was secure, she drove out of the neighborhood, flashing a conspiratorial smile my way. I smiled back, but now that the need to focus was gone, the thoughts returned. Crap. I just tried to keep pushing them away while Rat drove back.

That night, while Rat and Eli were asleep, I held a dim flashlight in my mouth as I worked on the alien shield machine. I wouldn’t be able to make it as quickly as I would have with my machine working, so I had to use all the time I had to finish it. I’d rather it be done before we left Joanndu so it would be ready for whatever came with the next city we headed for.

 I woke up with the machine on the bed in front of me and the flashlight on the floor still on. Rat was standing over me, frowning. I blinked a few times and sat up.

She huffed. “You stayed up all night working on that machine?”

“Clearly not,” I mumbled. “Or I would still be awake.”

Eli laughed from the next room, and Rat rolled her eyes. “Well, I have some parties we’re going to go to today, but you can work on it until then. There’s not one I want to go to for a few hours, so you can get going.” She walked to the other room where Eli was, and I grabbed the flashlight, turned it off, and put it on the table next to my bed. I got started disassembling some more of the stolen machines as they started talking in the other room.

“I’ve got some stuff to do, so would you be okay hanging out with Kai while I’m gone?” Eli must have nodded because Rat spoke again. “Thanks. It’s nothing to be worried about. I’ll be fine.”

They talked more quietly, enough that I couldn’t tell what they were saying anymore. But that was interesting. Rat also had things she would rather do alone.

Rat left shortly after her conversation with Eli, and when he was done getting ready, he sat on the bed next to mine and stared at me as I kept disassembling the machines. I couldn’t work as fast as I normally could, and that was annoying.

Eli leaned forward. “So, what are you working on?”

I hesitated. Would it be okay to tell him? Would he want to stop me because I was working on a machine to help against the aliens? But he just seemed curious, and he was nice. Hopefully, he wouldn’t stop me. “You remember how Tila had some kind of perimeter around her that caused anyone in it to lose their emotions and just feel calm?” He nodded. “Well, I came up with a machine that can combat it. It won’t be able to completely negate the effects of the emotion stealing, but it will help a lot.”

Eli grinned. “That’s amazing! But…how will you be able to make it now that you don’t have that machine working?”

“I planned it out before it stopped working, so I just have to make sure I remember what I need and how to make it. And I still understand machines even when my machine is not working.”

“Wow. That’s amazing. We’ve really got to let you meet my brother. The only problem is I don’t know if we’ll be able to pull you away from him.” He laughed, and a small smile pulled at my lips. He was just so sincere.

I was not used to talking while I was working, but since he was here… “So, what was this extermination you were talking about yesterday?”

He laughed. “Oh, that. Remember the death trap race I mentioned on our last day in Pike? Well, that was the extermination. It’s meant to take all the worst criminals and reform them into “upstanding members of society”. Needless to say, it didn’t work the way it was supposed to. But I joined because I heard that anyone who was participating was in even greater danger than they were supposed to be, so I joined to protect them and get all of them out alive, if I could.”

“Did it work?”

He nodded. “Actually, it did. There were so many times when I thought we were all going to die, but we somehow made it all out alive.

“There were so many times when I thought we were all going to die, but we somehow made it all out alive. On the very first night, we got stranded on a condemned island, and we found out there are these creatures about two or three meters high with sharp claws and rotating teeth and a huge sticky tongue hanging out the backs of their heads that they’d invert out through their mouths to catch prey.” That sounded terrifying. “They, uh, liked iron, I guess, so whenever anyone got cut, they’d swarm. They didn’t know what to make of me.” He frowned at that. “They like iron but hate electricity. It’s weird. We had to deal with them the entire extermination. We called them leeches.

“They crashed our party the second night—it didn’t go well, but I remember that a lot of it was sort of fun, running after them with swords. That was when I learned that Rat enjoys parties and will wear dresses just as readily as pants and hoodies.” Couldn’t relate to that. “She’s very…well, anyway.” He flushed bright red, and I had to force myself to not say a sarcastic comment. He was too nice to make a sarcastic comment yet.

He continued after he finally stopped blushing. “I think it was…the fourth day that we found the…I guess you’d call her the mother of all leeches? Dismater. Like a mega-leech that controlled the entire sea’s version of the Plexus. She could shapeshift, too—pretend to be Rat’s sister just to mess with us. That was a tough day. Well, they all were. Dismater wanted us dead because she thought that’s what Tersatellus wanted. And her leeches would try to steal us and drag us somewhere—we lost Voxel on the second day and Spike on the third. Obviously, they lived, but it was…difficult.”

Rat returned while he was telling me the last story, and she smiled and sat down beside him. She leaned against him, and he flushed as he finished it up. And I was able to finish the alien shield machine as he finished as well. When he was done talking, I held it up to examine it and make sure it was actually functional.

Eli stared at it. “Is it finished?”

“No, I’m just holding it up in front of my face because I don’t know what else to do with it.”

Eli actually looked concerned. “Is…is that sarcasm?”

I nodded as Rat snorted. “Congrats. What’s this machine of yours do?”

Eli grinned and spoke up before I could. “She’s making something that will mostly protect us from the aliens’ powers that can make us not feel any emotions except peace. Isn’t that cool?”

“Huh.” Rat eyed me, and I held the machine tighter. I wasn’t going to let her destroy it just to make sure that I didn’t run off. “Well, I’ve never felt that, but I’ll take your word on it. Hopefully, you’re not making it to run off after those jellyfish alone.” I shook my head. At least not yet. She clapped her hands and smiled. “You two better be ready. We need to leave soon for the parties!”

Crap. I hadn’t even changed or anything. I ran off, but I could hear Eli and Rat talking quietly as I left. Were they keeping something from me? What was going on?

 The party we first went to was as loud and crowded as the one in Pike, but there were some differences. Everyone, besides us, was dressed in some kind of ridiculous outfit. Rat had told us it was called fashion in Joanndu. Also, there was a dance performance happening on a stage while everyone else danced on the floor below the stage.

While Rat and Eli danced with the crowd, I slipped through it to get to a place where I could see the performance. It was amazing. I watched it for a while before I heard a whisper in my ear. “Don’t take your eyes off your so-called friends. We’re always watching.” I stiffened. Crap.

I pushed back through the crowd, but Rat and Eli weren’t where I had left them. I searched everywhere, brushing past so many oblivious people, until I found them sitting at a table eating food. I relaxed and collapsed into the seat next to them. At least they were fine.

Rat frowned at me. “What’s with the expression? We realized you were interested in watching the performance, so we knew where you were. We weren’t going to leave you, if that’s what you were worried about.”

I just shook my head. “It’s nothing.” I stayed close to them for the rest of the party, though. But there were no problems. We left and headed to the next party.

This one wasn’t so much a party as it was a play. I glanced over at Rat. “I thought you wanted to go to a party.”

She shook her head with a smile. “Rude. This is actually the premiere of this play. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to secure us tickets to this.”

“Or you just stole them.”

“Even ruder to insinuate that an upstanding citizen like me would ever steal for my own personal gain.”

We shared a smile before the play started, and I turned my attention to that. I had never actually been to a play before, so that helped push away the worries about the aliens. It was a wonderful play, all about righteous heroes and evil villains.

When the play was over, Rat pulled us to a few more parties. They were enjoyable enough, but I was dragging my feet when we were done. The sun was barely even setting, and all I wanted was to go back to the hotel and fall asleep.

While we were walking, Rat and Eli talked about how much fun the parties were. I smiled at them, but I was too tired to contribute to the conversation. Then, of course, someone had to whisper in my ear.

“Oh dear child, we know where you are. And we know where you’re going. You won’t ever be safe from us, and if you continue on this path, everyone close to you will get hurt.”

I didn’t even try to look around this time. I knew I wouldn’t see anyone. But still, I tensed. That had been Tila’s voice. Was she here? Either way, I was so tired of hearing voices. I had the machine ready. If I could find the aliens and stop them now, would Rat and Eli be safe?

We returned to the hotel room, and I grabbed my machine as Rat and Eli kept chatting. But I had to at least tell them before running off.

I didn’t look them in the eyes. I knew they wouldn’t like this, but I couldn’t stand it any longer. “I’m going to go do something. I’ll be back.”

Rat snorted as I tried to walk off, and she grabbed my arm. I stopped, but I didn’t turn back to look at her. “Whoa. What are you doing? You’re not going anywhere by yourself. Especially not with that machine. You’re planning on finding those jellyfish, aren’t you?”

“I need to.”

Eli walked up so he was standing beside her as she laughed. “Need to get yourself captured or killed? That sounds like a great idea.”

Eli frowned. “Just tell us what’s been going on. It’s okay. Why are you so jumpy about this?”

I shook my head. If I told them, if I involved them, they would just get hurt. “I…I can’t.”

Rat’s hand tightened around my arm. “And why the hell not? I’m not going to lose you to those stupid jellyfish just because you think you’re invincible! It doesn’t work like that! You’re just going to do exactly what they want!”

Why, why couldn’t they just understand? “Because I don’t want you to get hurt! Because I know it’s a stupid plan, but I can’t stand their whispers in my head, their threats against you! I hate being the reason you’re in danger! I can’t let this continue!”

Rat frowned and pulled me back toward the beds, and I didn’t fight her. She had me sit on one bed, and they both sat on the other. She leaned forward and stared at me. “Okay. Tell us what’s going on here. You’ve been jumpy for a while. I know that what happened with Motor would make you nervous, but this has been happening even before that.”

I bowed my head. I wouldn’t be able to brush it off this time. “I’ve been hearing the aliens whispering in my ears since Pike. They’ve been telling me that I’m alone, and that anyone who is close to me will be hurt. I especially hear it when I’m actually feeling comfortable and happy. They’re doing this because of me, so I want to be the one to stop them.”

Rat looked over at Eli. “Well, screw them then.”

Eli shook his head and watched me with concern in his eyes. “Don’t you see that that’s what they want? They want to get you alone. That’s probably their plan. Please don’t go after them, especially alone.”

I frowned and actually looked at them. “But—”

Rat scoffed. “You think we’re scared of a few stupid jellyfish? Didn’t you hear the stories Eli was telling you about the extermination? We’ve survived plenty of things we shouldn’t have. Anyway, as I’ve already said, you’re my gangster, so I don’t care what you’re bringing after us. That’s just what happens.” She sighed. “Tell you what, let’s just leave the situation now, and if there’s any evidence of them in Fre Jac-Mac, we’ll deal with it then.”

I frowned. I’d rather finish this now, but she had a point. They probably wanted me to pursue them now. “Fine.”

Eli grinned, and Rat nodded. “Good. Now, let’s get some sleep. I want to be on the road for Fre Jac-Mac early in the morning.”

[starkatana]

Drown In You (P2)

You and Touya have been friends forever and now that you guys are dating you don't know how to act around him. He finds advice in the strangest place.

Touya Todoroki x Female Reader

Dabi is Touya Todoroki.

MHA AU where Todoroki’s are a happy family where Touya never became Dabi with the scars.

Note:

This isn’t a series, it was just getting too long for one text post so I split it up.

http://starkatana.tumblr.com/post/184335894977/drown-in-you-p1

Also, i tried to make it from Touya’s POV the best I could.

It started off you two were watching a movie in your parent’s living room. It’s just you two in the living room watching the movie. As the movie goes on you two are slowly leaning in towards the middle of the couch. You turn to look at Touya and give him a smile. Touya turns and responds with a smile and tries to lean in to kiss you. Immediately, you sit up straight and make yourself small.

“This is a really great movie.”

“Yeah,” Touya responds sitting back up, taking the hint.

As the movie continues he goes to lay on the couch putting his head in your lap. Chills instantly go up your spine, and you feel your face get hot.

“Are you okay?” he asked cocking an eyebrow as he looked at you. You avoided his gaze, trying really hard to focus on the movie.

“Fine!”

This wasn’t supposed to be any different. Yet when you two started dating everything felt different. You and Touya have watched plenty of movies before. You’ve fallen asleep on him and he’s fallen asleep on you. It was never weird. Now, it just felt like things were out of place.

Eventually, Touya leaves and you go to your room feeling like an idiot.

Touya at his house collapses on his bed and lets out a heavy sigh.

And you both thought: What the fuck is wrong with me?

The next day:

Touya’s on a route with another hero when they get caught up in facing a few villains. Touya while fighting, is out of it. He and one of the villains get caught in an alley.

“What's wrong little boy?! Scared?!”

“No.” Touya blasts him off and stands up straight. “My best friend and I just started dating and now she's acting weird.”

“What?”

“I just thought everything would be the same! We’d just act like ourselves but now we're official! Ugh!” Touya scratches his head, “I should've never listened to my sister.”

“Whoa, listen man.”

“What do you think?”

“What?”

“What do you think about this whole situation?”

“Uh??  Is this a trap?”

“No.” Touya rolls his eyes. “What'd you do steal a purse? Put money in an expiring stall? I don't care, man, sometimes we make mistakes to get by just tell me what do you think?” Touya sits down against the alley wall.

“Well,” the guy sits down next to him “How long have you guys been friends?”

“Forever. Literally, since we were kids.”

“And you like her don't you?”

“Yeah man, I just don't know why it's so weird now.”

“Well, being friends before you've just been used to it for so long but now being together opens a door to a whole new exploration.”

“Mhm. Mhm.” Touya nods listening to him.

“Because before I'm assuming you guys haven't done anything.”

“Whoa man, like…”

“Yeah.” The guy rubbed the back of his neck. “Like you're a good looking kid I’m sure you've dated other girls or whatever.”

“Not really. I've been on dates and fooled around with other girls just not her...ooooo.” Touya nods as the gears clicked in his head.

The villain gentle punches him. “Yeah man. So since you've never done things together because you're friends it opens that door and that is where she could be nervous?”

“So, what do I do?”

“Take her on a date something you guys have NEVER done in all years of friendship and ease into it. Try hand holding for hand for extended amounts of time and then putting your arm around her.”

“Wow. Thanks, man.” Touya and the villain share a bro hug. “That really puts it into perspective for me.”

“Yeah and no matter what you do don't rip it off like a bandaid. Take your time and ask her what she wants. Girls love that shit.”

Touya laughs. “Thanks, dude that's some solid advice and I know you just helped me but can you do me another solid?”

“Sure?”

“Punch me in the face, take the $20 out of my wallet, and get out of here.”

“What?”

“Y’know just to make it believable. We all make mistakes and do things when we're desperate. I know you were scamming people with your magic tricks and I don't care but I really appreciate you helping me.”

“You are a strange kid, thank you.”

“No problem. You take care.”

And the guy punched Touya in the face.

The hero Touya was with found him and took him back to the agency. Touya had a black eye but other than that he was fine. He wrote his report and when he wrapped up, he was on his way to UA to pick you up.

On the way to the school, he pulled out his wallet for his train pass.

Oh yeah.

He remembered that he told the guy to take the money out of his wallet. From the looks of it everything seemed to be there, but inside the $20 was gone and in its place is a $100 and a note.

"Pastel Sweets. Ask for Aura. Good luck."

“That bastard,” Touya whispered to himself with a smirk on his face. He put the note back in his wallet. Then proceeded to look up the establishment on his phone.

It was well after hours of school. You were probably just getting out of a faculty meeting. Either way, he was waiting outside of the gates for you.

“What happened to you?” You asked as you were coming up to him.

“The villain tricked me at work and got a good hit in.”

“Oh, Touya.” you cover his eye and use your quirk to heal it.

“Thanks, love.”

You blush furiously. “No problem,” you respond with a smile and Touya felt his heartbeat race.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Just fine, Toys.”

He smiles down at you. “You’re beautiful.” He says while casually taking your hand giving it a small squeeze. You smile back at him and hold his hand in return.

Baby steps.

“Hey, someone at work told me about this awesome dessert shop in town. Want to go?”

“Sure. What is it called?”

“Pastel Sweets.”

[skeletorific]

I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Skeleton

The name changes. To some its known as Reaper’s Grind. To others, Bones and Brew. To still others, MarshMarrow. It depends who’s in charge that month. Regardless of the name, it is always painted in black script on a driftwood sign, carved so that it appears to be cradled by giant skeleton hands.

Most see this sign and assume its some kind of Halloween or Goth themed establishment. However, the caffeine addicted of the city know there’s no better place to get your fix. As long as your willing to put up with the quirks of the owners.

The cafe is a cozy space, varying levels of clean depending on who’s on staff. The walls are beige, with abstract murals of black paint covering the walls. Frequent patrons will notice that the murals seem to expand as time goes on. Every now and then they’ll come in to the walls completely blank, having apparently been painted over, only to start again. Rumor has it that if you squint you can make out swear words, or even bad jokes in the design. Squinting is not encouraged. There is also a shelf of books for customers to peruse or even purchase. Mostly trashy romance novels for reasons no one has ever been able to figure out, as well as joke books, science textbooks, car magazines, and, most bewilderingly, puzzle theory. 

The cafe has 8 owners, usually with only two or three on staff at a time. They all look so similar that most believe they’re related. Some will even call each other “brother” or “bro”, which seems to confirm it, but everyone worries it’d be racist to ask.

Papyrus is usually on staff in the mornings, which is a good thing. He’s a bright and perky presence to start your day with, and he does his best to create a welcoming environment for those on their way to an early morning commute. He specializes in perk ups, something to get help you shake off those last remnants of sleep while preventing those midmorning crashes. He’ll usually try to coax customers into the healthier versions. “REALLY, ALMOND MILK IS MUCH BETTER FOR YOU!” He also is very good at remembering small details about his regulars. Some of them come to depend on him as a daily reminder to take their meds. Now if only he was better at remembering names...he tends to come up with nicknames for people he sees a lot and they stick with him more than their actual names. An absolute sweetheart who keeps the store spotless, but if he tries to get you to sample his latest pastry invention, politely decline.

Sans is a less energetic presence to be sure (he can usually be found asleep and propped up in some corner if no one on shift bothers to wake him up), but he’s also a well-liked staple of the cafe. He has an easy, laid-back small talk that can set even the most agoraphobic introvert at ease, and writes bad jokes on coffee cups. His coffee is mostly pretty basic stuff, but if you know him well and ask him for the secret stuff....well, you’d be be prepared to deal with the fallout. That particular menu option is the last resort of grad students trying to get through their thesis. The effects are somewhere between Red Eye and Speed. One girl reported a full week of being unable to close her eyes, by the end of which she could taste color and was carrying on active conversations in a language that she did not know. It is varying levels of legal depending on who you ask. Just dont narc. And don’t ask in front of his brother. 

Its easy to tell when Red is on the clock, his motorcycle is easily the most ostentatious thing in the parking lot. So much so that he insists on a two parking spot bubble around it to avoid scratches. He also refuses to take off his leather jacket, wearing it over his uniform. No apron. Not a fuckin chance. His customer service is at best ehhh (unless he considers you attractive, in which case, prepare your flirtatious barista fantasies), but the boy makes a pumpkin spice latte so good it should be illegal. Spiced drinks as a whole are his specialty. When fall and winter roll around he brings customers in like flies to honey to get a taste of it, and it make the cafe smell amazing. Don’t tell anyone but he has a habit of “forgetting” to make people pay for their coffee when they look like they’re having a rough time. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he’s kind of a softie. Abysmal cleaning, and he’s usually making drinks for himself on the clock, but once you get to know the guy, he’s a pretty good dude. Also his music taste is fire and the cafe playlist gets infinitely better whenever he’s on staff.

Edge is a different story. While all of them technically own the store in equal parts and no one is legally in charge, it was pretty quickly discovered that mixing Edge with customer service was a recipe for disaster. So he takes on a more managerial role, dealing with finance, shipment, rent, and advertising deals. Everything needed to keep the place afloat. When he’s on shift (and he usually is), he can generally be found in the office unless the place is absolutely slammed. Though he’s not much for dealing with customers, he’s excellent at making gourmet drinks. His skills were made for Instagram. He also has just a biiiit of a soft spot for the kids that sometimes come in,  and may have quietly slipped in some more child friendly options to the bookshelf, as well as a couple action figures that Red swears look familiar. 

If you want a high octane burst without risking your life, Blue is your guy. I mean, the dude’s practically a walking five hour energy. He is more than generous with his definition of what a shot is, and blends in truly irresponsible amounts of sugar and sweetner for an extra kick. Kids naturally love the insanely sweet taste but it is not recommended that parents let them finish a full sized one. If Edge is on the clock he will straight up slap it out of his hands before people start bouncing off the walls. Blue is also incredibly sweet and friendly with the customers, and has amassed a decent sized collection of regulars who only became regulars due to a crush on him. He flirts shamelessly but never lets it go too far.

Stretch likes doing novelty drinks. Did someone say Unicorn Frappucinnos? The weirder and more poorly conceived the better. He also does most of the baking for the cafe. Muffet taught him a lot about pastries back underground, although it took a while to make the transition from spider carcasses to just...you know, normal flour. He switches the menu up a lot when he gets bored of making the same thing, although for some reason corndogs are always an option. The kitchen really is the best place for him. Leaving him unattended on the front tends to lead to miscief, especially if his brother is there to egg him on. He’ll loosely detach his hand only to enjoy the horrified looks when it pops off as he hands a drink to the customer. They get more negative Yelp reviews that way, but a lot of customers enjoy his sense of humor. He has absolutely tried to pull the Salt and Pepper diner bit by editing the playlist for the cafe 

Black is a bit of an odd duck in the cafe. He doesn’t have the patience to sit still long enough for managerial responsibilities. He’s terrible with customer service. His drinks arent bad, but the coffee is as black as his soul regardless of what they actually ordered. Even when forced to make something a little less straightforward he makes it incredibly bitter, because to him, coffee should never be sweet! If you don’t want bitter, don’t get coffee!! some wonder why the others even bother to let him on staff. But Black’s role is vital. Its inevitable that asshole customers pop up in a coffee shop. Entitled, being a dick to either the other baristas or even other customers. And this is where Black shines. Come hell or highwater he can get any customer out in less than a minute with little to no scene, both reducing the time they’re  in the store and the risk that watching the altercation might cause an anxiety spike in one of their customers. He just up and carts them out of the store, then returns a few moments later, quietly checking in on everyone involved to make sure no one was hurt or too shaken up. When asked what happens to these guys the only thing Black will ever say is “NOTHING YOU CAN PROVE”. He also keeps the place spotless. May or may not help Blue and Stretch with the pranks, though he’ll deny it to the bitter end.

While Blue may lowkey flirt with a few and Red may highkey flirt with a lot, Rus is flirting with everyone. No, seriously. Everyone. Not being creepy, but chances are you’re leaving with red cheeks that have nothing to with the hot drink in your hand. He’s fairly popular for precisely this reason, though very few have ever gotten a serious date out of it. The man makes a mean cappucinno, great herbal  teas and has those smoky bedroom eyes. There’s buzz that he’s also the one responsible for the ever evolving mural, though he never confirms it. Rus takes far too many smoke breaks and doesn’t clean worth a damn but is responsible for nearly half of their consistent customer base. He has a sixth sense for creeps. If he sees a date going on where one of them is looking exceedingly uncomfortable, he can effortlessly swoop in and charm the pants off them until the other asshole leaves in frustration. If he sees someone looking nervous he has ways of subtly getting out of them what the problem is. And if he ever gets the vibe that someone is being harassed he may or may not sic Black onto them without batting an eye. Much as he seems not to give a damn about anything regarding work, Rus takes it as a minor point of pride that their cafe is a safe space for people to get away from it all, if only for a couple minutes.

Bonus:

Axe is their maintenance man who comes in whenever equipment breaks, while Crooks is the night janitor who will often come in with his brother on daytime calls. Both of them are a bit too...unstable for regualar shift jobs. Maintenance positions allows them to be on their own if they need to be and generally avoid stressful triggers. Still, Crooks loves the cafe. On his good days he helps Stretch with the baking, and when the day is really slow Blue and Papyrus will teach him how to mix drinks. Axe is a little more grumbly about it but even he admits its kind of a calm space to be in. The man drinks exculsively black coffee though so he kind of misses out on most of the menu. When he’s in a good mood he competes with Red over flirting with customers. 

Special thanks to @jezziconvair who gave me the idea for a lot of the drink specialities and who Tumblr isn’t letting me tag for some reason!

[haruhi1087]

rant post

rant on misgyny (& lazy writing) in eps 1-3 of KnY below the line. Just need to get it off my chest; feel free to ignore.

OK! Episode one:

Starts off with the brother saving the sister, typical, but whatever, it’s shounen. The animation is breathtaking, and I at least appreciate that and the rhetorical move of starting in medias res. Then we flashback to the happy family, who are so cliche and obviously about to all die that I just had to cringe the entire time. Like what the heck, if you want to make me attached to the characters before they die, don’t show me that one’s about to be fatally wounded first. And *especially* give them more personality than just ‘generic happy family’. Jeez. Then we go to town where a mother has incorrectly assumed that her son has done something wrong. So we have ‘generic happy mom/sis’ and ‘generic bad mom’. Lovely. Oh, and ‘generic concerned townswoman,’ how could I forget her. Then we go to the foreboding old man’s cabin, cementing that all the family indeed die so that the mc can become a parallel for the old man bc they’ll both have lost their families. And then we finally reach the house and what do you know? They’re all dead. I’m glad the mc was able to think past the overwhelming trauma and have the presence of mind to find out *which one of the fam members he loves and adores had the warmest body so he might be able to save them*. Like the dude had to go to each of their corpses to check that. There’s no way. But whatever, it’s a narrative device. Sure. I can suspend disbelief for that. Then she’s somehow able to resist the demon blood?? Like we know *nothing* about this girl that would establish that she’s able to do that. Is she especially kind? Mc doesn’t even say, he just insists she’d never kill a human. And bc they’re a ‘generic happy family’ we’re just supposed to accept that??? When Mr. experienced demon slayer says it never happens and demons kill their own family members all the time? BS. Show me her actual character as more than just ‘generic happy sis’ and *maybe* I’ll believe it. Oh and she has super strength now. Yay for a physically strong female character, I guess, but I’m still hung up on everything else.

Episode 2!

Scene opens with Nezuko being muzzled. She’s literally wearing a muzzle, her voice completely silenced. I... what the freaking heck. She’s *the main female character* and she’s *not allowed to talk.* She’s literally just supposed to follow mc around, look pretty, and save him when he’s in over his head. I’m so freaking mad I’d rage quit if I hadn’t promised to give this show 5 episodes at least. Honestly I was so angry I can’t remember ep 2 that well. He gets the basket for his muzzled sister so that she doesn’t even have the agency of walking for herself, and they travel. Oh! and she can turn smaller so that she doesn’t inconvenience her bro. How helpful. They have the fight and she kicks butt, but she still can’t win on her own and her bro has to save her, but at least she saves him in the end, so whatever, it all evens out.

Episode 3

Nezuko’s asleep for two freaking years??? So now she’s muzzled and in a coma, two ways to silence her. sweet. I don’t even remember why she might be in a coma, and we aren’t reminded in this ep, so who knows. Also the author so doesn’t know how to do exposition or training arcs and it’s killing me. One ep for *two years*?!?! Jeez. There could’ve been so much interesting material there, but whatever, I guess. We meet another female character! And her only lines are promptly declared *weird*. She supposedly teaches him, but bc the author sucks at exposition we don’t get to see any of that (srry if it’s in the manga and just not the anime). She also doesn’t even get to introduce herself, the mc does that for her bc I guess she’s incapable of saying her own name without it sounding weird. Like we finally get a woman who has an actual character trait and the author chose ‘weird and airy’? I **adore** Luna Lovegood, don’t get me wrong, but here this just makes me think that the author believes women are 1) generic character types OR 2) aliens who should be narrated over bc there’s no way the audience would understand them. It’s not a good look. PLEASE lmk if something changes and we actually get a decent female character in this show. I have two more episodes of this to watch before I’ve given it the promised “fair try,” and I could really use a ray of hope. 

For goodness’ sake, BNHA has its problems with sexism, but at least Horikoshi lets the women *talk*. Didn’t know I had to set the bar that low.

[machihunnicutt]

Not Selfish

Chapter 2

(Or read on ao3.)

Evan read the Wikipedia page three times in his bed that night. He knew he needed to fall asleep but he couldn't. When Connor had talked about his polyamorous friend he hadn't made it sound weird or bad and neither did the Internet (for the most part at least.) And the more he thought about that the more he thought about kissing Jared and Connor and the more he thought about kissing them the hotter his face felt and harder it was to close his eyes. He got up to get some water, tiptoeing across the wood floor.

To his surprise the light in the kitchen was still on.

"Jared? What are you doing up it's almost 3 am."

Jared turned to look at him. His face was open in a way it wasn't usually and it took him a moment to clear the emotion from his features. "Hey Ev," he said sharply. "I'm uh...I'm making ramen and a microwave mug cake."

"Oh." Shitty microwave food at three in the morning meant Jared was upset. "Can I join you?" Evan took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Sure," Jared said, wiping his nose discreetly on the back of his hand. "Do you want some ramen and/or cake?"

"I could go for some cake." Jared flicked on the radio to the oldies station and the gentle hum of some 50s slow song filtered in. He put the mug between them and started in on his ramen.

"Are you okay? You're eating your sad food."

Jared blushed and spooned some more of the ramen into his mouth. "It's nothing. I just can't sleep."

"Me too," he muttered. "Hey um..." oh God why was he so nervous. "C-Connor mentioned his um...his p-polyamorous friend today. I d-didn't know that was a thing."

Jared raised an eyebrow but remained silent so he continued. "W-what do you uh what do you think about that?"

Jared cocked his head to one side in confusion. "What do I think about polyamory?"

"I'm s-sorry that's a dumb question I shouldn't have..."

"I think that it it makes you happy go for it. You being a general you not you specifically...not that I'm excluding you. You can do whatever you want."

Evan bit his lip. "Do you think you'd ever be into it?"

"Me?" Jared's eyes widened and Evan wanted to crawl under a rock. "Oh, c'mon Evan there's no way one guy would be interested in me, let alone two."

"That's not true."

"Evan you don't have to lie to me just because I look and feel like shit."

"So there is something wrong?"

Jared winced.

"And I'm not lying. And you don't look like shit. You n-never look like shit."

Jared looked down at his ramen again and stuffed another spoonful in his mouth. Evan tried a bite of the mug cake and tried to keep his heart from beating out of his chest. It was a stupid, reckless thing to ask but he was glad he'd asked it.

"Do you wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

Jared shook his head. "I'm sorry Ev I'm just being a baby." He ran a hand through his hair and Evan frowned.

"You know you can talk to me about anything right?"

"I know. Thanks Ev." Jared still looked sad. He hated that he was sad. The radio continued its melancholy sputtering of old love songs.

"Do you want to dance?"

"Dance?" Jared nearly choked on his ramen.

"W-we don't have to I j-just thought.."

"Fuck yeah Evan," he said quietly, almost a whisper, that didn't fit with the words.

Jared's hand was gentle on his waist. They swayed close together. Evan was nervous that his hand was sweaty but Jared hadn't said anything about it so they just kept swaying.

"Thanks Evan," Jared muttered, and he could feel his breath on his neck.

When the song ended and they broke apart Evan didn't step back right away. His eyes fell to Jared's lips like some lovestruck idiot.

"I should probably go to bed," he said softly.

"Right, me too."

"Goodnight Ev."

"Goodnight Jared." *** "I need you to put that down and then tell me what exactly you think you're doing."

Connor put down the bottle of glitter nail polish he'd stolen from Zoe's room and sighed exaggeratedly. "I painted them black like I usually do but something seemed wrong so I took the black off and tried green but then I forgot it wasn't dry and tried eating chips and messed them up. So I went for it a third time but I was kind of tired and distracted so now I have this." He held up his mangled nails: glitter on some, a mishmash of uncoordinated colors and smudges.

"I love you bro, but you only go nail crazy when there's something wrong. You took your meds this morning right?" Zoe asked, taking a seat across from him and reaching out to wipe the wet polish from his nails. "And don't take my glitter again this shit is expensive."

"Yeah I took my meds. And I'm fine. I just..." he trailed off. Zoe's worry sometimes made him feel guilty. Connor was used to feeling guilty (it was one of his few emotions that included anger, worthlessness, and pining.)

"It's just that I saw Hansen for the first time in a while yesterday."

She finished his nails and selected a deep indigo to redo them. "And that's bad because...?"

"It's not bad it's just that every time I've tried to get together with him before he has always had a date. Evan has a new date every week now."

"Our Evan?" She said, taken aback.

"Yeah...yesterday I remembered how much I missed him."

"And I assume you're also hella jealous?"

He scowled at her. "You could say that yeah but don't tell anyone."

She nodded sympathetically. "All these dates and he hasn't asked you out yet?"

Connor shrugged, eyes on the silver glitter she was now applying. His nails looked like tiny galaxies with glittering stars. "Maybe he just doesn't like me."

"Bullshit."

"He'll probably just ask Kleinman," he muttered.

She frowned. "Do you think Evan likes Jared?"

"It's more likely than him liking me." And Kleinman's not broken like I am, he didn't add. "In any case he's not dating either of us."

Zoe crossed her legs and pulled her hair into a ponytail at the top of her head. He thought she looked more authoritarian with her hair pulled out of her face. Maybe he did too. "You know I hit on a bunch of people before Alana and I started going out. I just wanted to make her jealous."

"I don't think he's doing that."

She sighed. "Look, obviously I don't know the whole situation but I do know you. And you always sell yourself short." He looked up at her. "It's not ridiculous for him to like you. You're very likable Con."

"Thanks," he muttered.

"You're very welcome. Do you want me to do your toes?"

From then on Connor spent more time at Evan and Jared's place, regardless of Evan's dates. When Evan wasn't around he just hung out with Jared. Which wasn't the worst thing in the world he soon realized. He'd actually started texting him more often too. And sometimes they got together for real, and not just to complain about being stuck without Evan.

"So when did you realize you had feelings for him?"

"Why so you can establish your right to call dibs?"

"Connor Murphy, he is a human being I can't call dibs on a human being I'm ashamed of you. Regardless I think we need to establish a timeline."

Connor laughed at the mock seriousness of Jared's expression. They were sitting at opposite sides of the couch, feet tangled together in the center cushion. Connor was doodling while Jared played some video game he hadn't caught the name of. After awhile he had paused it.

"Um...it was senior year. It's kind of stupid to say out loud because it was just this uh...this dumb little moment in high school. He knew I was having a bad day and he was giving me a ride so we could hang out at his place and he just pulled into the drive through at McDonalds and got me fries and ice cream and uh...I'd never really had someone who knew when I felt like shit and went out of their way to make me feel better. And when he handed me my fries and told me he was proud of me for getting through the day I just knew that I liked him."

Jared nodded slowly and Connor felt their feet tangle further, Connor barefoot with his toenails painted and Jared in his thick striped socks.

"How about you?" He asked when Jared didn't say anything.

Jared grinned. "Sophomore year. He climbed the tree in my back yard and when he got to the top he just laughed his head off like an idiot. I was on the ground still and I just remember looking up at him and thinking that I could look at him forever."

"Damn that's really gay."

Jared cackled. "Like you're one to talk." *** Okay so he'd be lying if he said he still didn't like Connor Murphy. He was growing on him: the way he took his coffee black next to Evan's mess of sugar and creamer, his eyes that looked intense even when he was tired or stoned, his soft stories about Evan and drive through fries and about the way loneliness ate at him sometimes. Only Connor didn't say the last thing lightly. Conversations about feelings happened when Evan was on a date and they both felt bitter and cracked open at their chests and knees and ankles. Connor would talk about the scars on his wrists and the lies his brain told him. Jared wasn't so forthcoming. He guessed, when he thought about it, he was used to bottling things up.

"I mean I don't tell my parents much. When I need to say something I know they don't want to hear I just lie."

"I guess I like pissing off my parents," he said. He was cooking a strange mess of eggs in one of Jared's frying pans. Connor Murphy tended to help himself in their kitchen. Although this time he was making food for the both of them. "That dude Evan's out with looks like he belongs in a fucking Wes Anderson movie."

"Yeah and you look like a Twilight extra but I don't say anything about it."

"You're so funny Kleinman," he replied in monotone. "Here, have some eggs a la Murphy." He put the mess of broken yolks and pepper speckled egg bits in front of him before dousing the mess in hot sauce.

"Thank you? I hope you're not trying to poison me Murphy."

Connor rolled his eyes and leaned his elbows on the counter. It was kind of late for eggs. It was nearly 10 and Evan wasn't back from his date yet. "I used to cook random food when I got really depressed. It was all shit and I usually burned something but it kept me from..." he trailed off, fingering the scars on his wrists. "I don't anymore because food's not cheap and my roommates would probably kill me if I set off the fire alarm."

"What do you do instead?" Jared asked, prodding at the eggs with his fork.

"I sound proofed my room so sometimes I just go in there and scream my head off. Or I talk to Evan. Or I bother you."

Jared looked up at him, meeting Connor's self-conscious gaze. "I kind of don't hate you Kleinman."

"Thanks. I don't hate you either." This felt like something. He didn't know what that something was but it seemed important. "And you aren't bothering me," he blurted before the moment was gone. "I don't make friends very easily and it's nice to have...God, I sound like Ev. I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it or anything. It's just nice not to be alone."

"Yeah," he said. "You don't have to eat the eggs just because we're bonding or whatever."

"Oh thank God." *** The more he saw them hang out together the more he thought he should stop being a coward and just ask. Ideally it would be a light, no pressure kind of inquiry, but every time he pictured himself doing it went more like "HI JARED HI CONNOR I LIKE BOTH OF YOU CAN WE ALL GO OUT TOGETHER?" Shouted incomprehensibly in the kitchen or living room or God forbid out in public.

He was having trouble sleeping again. When he wasn't worried about his sexuality he was worried about school. Finals were fast approaching and several of his professors had opted for group projects instead of exams. His groups tended to push all of the work on to him when they realized he was a good student and too quiet to protest. Evan was better at talking to people now but he was still nervous about confrontation. He was getting kind of weighted down and stuck between a rock and a hard place because he didn't want to upset his group members and he also didn't want to have a breakdown. He was walking home from the library and thinking about how much work he had to do and how lonely and weak he felt. It was getting cold. It might even snow tomorrow and his feet were freezing in his worn out boots. Maybe if he started crying his tears would freeze on his face.

"Jared?" When he opened the door he was wrapped up in warmth and the scent of tomato sauce and he could hear crackling from the kitchen. "I'm home. What are you doing...oh."

Jared and Connor were grinning and laughing at each other, both had aprons on and Connor had flour in his hair. "Hansen! You're home," Connor exclaimed when he noticed Evan standing there.

"You're here," Evan replied.

"Evan we're making homemade pasta," Jared explained as Evan stood numbly in the doorway. "We thought you could use a nice dinner but this idiot didn't bring a pasta maker and so it looks kinda fucked up but I think it'll cook alright."

"Are you okay?" Connor asked when Evan remained speechless. His happy expression from a moment earlier faded a bit and Evan felt guilty. He ruined everything didn't he? He was just a big, broken third wheel.

"I'm fine," he said, but his voice cracked pitifully.

"Oh Ev, what's wrong?" Jared put down the spatula he was holding and then Evan started sobbing. He'd tried to hold it in all day but now, seeing two of his favorite people doing something nice for him on a day that wanted to kick him when he was down, was more than he could handle.

Then Jared's arms were around him and he was shaking like a leaf and stuttering out apologies like he was in high school. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry this is so nice I ruin everything and I'm awful so..."

"You're not awful," Connor said. Jared pulled back and rubbed Evan's shoulders while he tried to calm his breathing."What happened Hansen?"

"Nothing," he choked. He suddenly felt hot and panicky. "It's nothing you guys I'm just a l-little overwhelmed s-sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Connor said.

"Hey," Jared said. He cupped Evan's face in his hands. "You know you can tell me anything too."

"I-I um..." he trailed off, blushing furiously, eyes still blurry from the tears. Connor cleared his throat and Jared quickly took his hands off Evan's face.

"Let's have pasta," Jared said and then backed up (into Connor accidentally which was awkward for a second and involved Connor's hands fumbling on Jared's arms.)

The rest of the night was better than breaking down in his kitchen. The pasta noodles were misshapen but surprisingly excellent. After they ate Jared put on The Office and the three of them curled up on the couch with Evan in the middle. Jared had the dorkiest laugh and Connor leaned his head on his shoulder in a way that grounded him. He liked them so much.

"Call me if you want to talk," Connor said when he walked him out. "I'm always here."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

Connor laughed. "I'm a mess and we both know it."

"I think you're great."

"You know you don't ruin anything right?"

Evan shrugged. It was cold and he hadn't bothered to put his coat back on. Connor was wearing the scarf he'd knitted him and his face was pink from the cold.

"You don't Hansen. You're my best friend."

"You're my best friend too."

Connor smiled. "See you Hansen. Tell Kleinman I said bye."

"Yeah...okay."

Evan went back inside and helped Jared clean up the dishes. "You guys seem c-close now."

"Yeah," he replied. "Murphy's not a total asshole."

"I liked the pasta."

"Well don't get used to it nerd." He wiped his hands on a dish towel. "Goodnight Ev."

"Night." He'd wanted to say more. He'd wanted to ask him, in a jealous and insecure way, if he liked Connor more than he was letting on.

Who was he kidding? Including him would be too much work. If they liked each other he'd be happy for them. He repeated this in his head so he wouldn't forget it.

Happy for them. Happy for them. Happy for them.

He didn't have time to worry about this. He had class and projects and strangers to date so his head didn't explode. If there was one thing Evan Hansen was good at it was evasion. *** Jared liked it when it snowed. He liked the way it blanketed the trees and turned to slush by the roadside. He liked walking in it with a cup of coffee in hand. Everything seemed stiller on nights when it snowed. It was like the night was holding its breath. Everything felt fresh and expectant and important.

He didn't expect to see Connor Murphy on his porch swing when he got home. It was late. He'd been doing some studying of his own away from the distractions of the house (which often included Connor Murphy.)

"What are you doing here? You must be fucking freezing."

Connor looked up from his hunched position. He had snow in his hair and eyelashes. He'd been crying or smoking it was hard to tell. "I was going to surprise him. But uh...after an hour I texted him to try to figure out where he was and..."

"Evan's on another date. He's got an endless supply of phone numbers apparently."

Connor laughed bitterly and tossed the bag of jolly ranchers he had in Jared's direction. "I got him his favorite," he croaked. "What the fuck am I still doing here Kleinman? Do you know?"

"Come inside. We can..."

"I don't want to come inside." He bared his teeth and spoke in a low growl.

Jared took off his scarf and wrapped it around Connor's bare neck. "Fine then. I'll stay out here with you until you do. He sat down. Connor was shaking. His hair covered his face and Jared could tell he was trying to hide his tears the same way Jared had that night at the party.

"I keep trying to tell myself that he's not worth all this. That I don't know...that he's a bad person or whatever but he's not. He's not seeing other people to hurt me or some shit. He just doesn't like me. He just...I just don't deserve someone like him." His voice sounded so broken that for a moment Jared hated Evan. He hated him even though Connor was right and he wasn't doing anything wrong.

"You do deserve someone like Evan."

"You don't have to lie to me Kleinman I'm not a fucking kid."

"You do!" He repeated and it was too loud and echoed in the icy streets, sound tangling with the amber glow from the street lamps. Connor looked up. Jared had realized they had the same weird eyes years ago but he didn't think he'd ever really looked at them. He didn't think he'd looked at the freckles on Connor's nose before either, or the mystery bruise on his right cheekbone he claimed he woke up with and didn't remember how he'd acquired. There was snot on his face and his eyes were red.

Jared had learned that Connor Murphy's default tended to be anger. He yelled. And his tears were more often angry than sad.

Connor drew in a long breath. The anger faded from his face into something more tired and vulnerable. "Why doesn't he like me?" He said.

Maybe they were more alike than he realized. Maybe Connor could understand him the way he understood Evan.

Jared leaned in fractionally, involuntarily and then stopped, rational part of his brain urging him to pause. You don't just do things. You think, you plan, you engineer your image so people can't see all the ways you fall short. For once the irrational and reckless and unconscious won. He leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him. He kissed Connor Murphy and he tasted like smoke and salt and felt impossibly warm.

What are you doing?

He drew back, apologies on his lips. "I shouldn't have done that. You're obviously in a bad place and it's fucked up to take advantage of..."

Connor cut him off by kissing him back, long and drawn out and hot and mutual and hungry in a way he didn't expect. Because it was just him. It wasn't someone kind and sweet like Evan or hot and edgy like Connor it was just him: not that nice or attractive or confident. It was just him and yet Connor's hands were on the back of his neck, pulling him closer. They broke apart for air.

A loud smacking sound pulled their eyes off of each other. Connor reacted first.

"Fuck! Hansen are you okay?" Evan was lying on his back in the driveway, facing away from them as if he'd been in the process of turning around to go back the way he'd come when he slipped.

Connor reacted first but Jared was the first to stand up. He could feel his heart in his throat. Beside him Connor was breathless, his lips very red even in the dark. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He hated the snow. Shit like this only happened when it snowed.

He ran off the porch and into the driveway, more careful with his steps now. Evan still hadn't said anything. He was covering his face with his hands.

"Ev you're going to have to say something because you're scaring the shit out of me."

It was quiet in his head despite the fact that Connor was yelling something from the yard and a car was driving by. It was quiet and then Evan spoke and it wasn't anymore.

He uncovered his face and looked up at him with a horrified and supremely embarrassed expression. "I'm really sorry."