#but like. Damn. be better to the ppl u interact with outside of your own home!!

[dammitjameskirk]

well its holiday time!! that means so many families will have more free time and theyll think going to the movies is a great time had by all!! this might be true for anybody actually going, but its definitely not true for anybody WORKING THERE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

so here are a couple notes from somebody who works in the theatre business and i am so gotdamn exhausted by the hundreds of thousands of families i see walk through the doors of my building

THE END OF YEAR HOLIDAYS FROM NOVEMBER TO EARLY JANUARY ARE THE BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR FOR ANY MOVIE THEATRE, HANDS DOWN. EVERYONE HAS TIME OFF AND COMES TO THE MOVIES, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS ARE GOING TO THE MOVIES JUST LIKE YOU. REMEMBER THIS WHEN YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE LATE OR BUY YOUR TICKETS AT THE DOOR INSTEAD OF AHEAD OF TIME.

everyone makes minimum wage or less (minors dont have to be paid minimum wage, PLUS theres no such thing as overtime or holiday pay in the movie business); youre yelling at literal children almost 100% of the time and quite frankly they have no control over any of it and you throwing a hissy fit will help literally no one, not even yourself

the movies cost mega money if you dont come prepared; eat beforehand if you dont want to spend anything extra. tell your children no if you have to, theres no reason to spend 5$ on m+ms if you cant spare the money. we understand and feel just as badly when we have to tell you the total

if you bring your own snacks, none of us care as long as we dont see it. take it in undetected and you better throw it out afterward as well; if youre not buying any of our concessions then youre not paying for us to clean up after you

(yeah, the concessions cost so much bc thats what pays our paychecks. the theatres do not get any money from ticket sales, save for MAYBE 10%, depends on how long the movie’s been out but most of the time the max amount of money made from ticket sales is about 50 cents. concessions pay for employee paychecks and the building running costs)

BRING YOUR ID IF YOU ARE SEEING AN R-RATED FILM. ALL R-RATED FILM TICKET PURCHASES ARE LIKELY TO BE ID’D AND IF YOU DON’T HAVE IT THEN YOU’RE SHIT OUTTA LUCK. policy for most theatres: you have to be at least 17+ to see an r-rated film WITH A VALID ID (school ids do NOT count), OR be 21+ WITH A VALID ID to take in any more people without an id themselves. no exceptions. this is a firable offense, on the spot, if the cashier or ticket taker is caught allowing underage kids into r-rated films. take this into consideration the next time you want to go see a movie bc there are no exceptions!! fuck you if you dont bring your id but then get mad bc we wont let you in to see the movie!! its your own fault!!!!

understand that there are physically not enough people working in the building to keep the place spotless as hordes of people run around and make a shitty mess everywhere. like, im sorry, but the movie theatre business SUCKS and theres nothing we can do about it other than try and sweep up the popcorn as fast as we can. you complaining to management will not suddenly materialise a new person to come out of the employee breakroom, ready to sweep up whatever it is youre complaining about. patience is KEY bc we quite simply do not have the staff or the staff allowance to provide a perfect atmosphere. it wont happen no matter how much you squall. like, im sorry it sucks, i know it does, im trying to make it run as smoothly as possible but theres just not enough employees allowed for us to do any better. bring your own trash bag and your own napkins if youre that concerned, i promise we wont look at you sideways

ENUNCIATE YOUR ORDER AT THE CONCESSION STAND. the more communicative you are the faster you can be served, i promise, thats EXACTLY how it works and its not taking too long bc the employee is bad its bc youre not speaking up or youre not actually defining what you want. be better, get done faster

try to be more on time when it comes to getting to the theatre. doing everything late makes you angrier and it means we dont have as much time to fix whatever problems you may be having. we cant fix what you need if theres no time because you didnt think youd have to show up to your movie until 20 minutes after it started!!

be mindful of when the locations you visit actually close; we’re not a 24/7 business, and concessions and ticketing sales usually close before midnight, depending on the time of the last show and that building’s policies. at that point, the only thing youre doing is renting space on our premises. take care of everything you need, money-wise, before that time passes or else youre out of luck, just like any other business

dont.... dont bring babies to the movies please. this is more personal than like, actual tips or tricks about the movies or like backalley knowledge or whatever, this is like, this is from a health and courtesy standpoint. movies are LOUD. movies are SCARY. babies shouldnt... be going through that experience. i cant stand whenever i see newborns being carried around as if their ears arent so sensitive and that theyre likely to cry and be generally uncomfortable bc a movie theatre is NOT A PLACE FOR BABIES. find a sitter, or stay home. thats what you sign up for when you become a parent, taking care of your child to the best of your ability. and if that includes taking them with you to the movies... youre a bad parent and theres nothing you can do to convince me otherwise. (also 6 and under cant see r-rated films past a certain time and i rly dont understand why so many folks dont understand that or think its a new rule?? its not a new rule, every movie chain i have been to has had that rule its not new and not specific to just one place cmon now get out of here)

also if you leave garbage in the theatre under the impression that Somebody Gets Paid To Do That, just know that we know and we also hate you passionately bc youre the worst type of person. if you have family like this, correct them. we get paid very little to do much more than you could possibly expect

happy holidays!!! dont take this as a Dont Come To The Movies post, take this as a Come To The Movies Prepared post instead. just dont be a dick, its the holidays, and these are mostly children youre upset with. like, youre yelling at 15 + 16 yr olds. just be nice. if you have a problem with the business itself, take it to corporate, thats the only way youll get anything changed.

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[excorcismic]

ALRIGHT SO HERE’S THE DEAL ; if misa is my first favorite death note character , this angy kid right here is my second - i adore mello to pieces and he’s very close to misa in terms of how much i love him , but ultimately does she remain queen . but ! the cool thing is that in the series they never actually interact ( the closest being mello spying on her for a brief period of time ) which means i could play my two blonde fashion icons and voila , here they are . so here’s the gist on mello in canon & alucard and most importantly the plots i am digging bc my muse for him rn ?? is off the charts . LESGO !

IN A CANON NUTSHELL ( HUGE DEATH NOTE SPOILERS ) : So Mello’s introduced during the latter half of Death Note ( or maybe it’s more the final third but either way there’s a part where it significantly breaks in two ) - or , the very end of the first half , takes center stage during the second . He’s from the original home of the detective L , an orphanage of gifted children known as Whammy’s House - and essentially , the goal of the children is to maybe one day live up to L , one person taking his place . Mello !! Is one of the candidates . But he has a permanent chip on his shoulder since Near - the other candidate - always managed to beat him at everything . So when Light Yagami gets his way & L dies , Near and Mello are told that L didn’t choose a successor between them . When the idea that they work together to do just that is brought up , Near ( who honestly really liked Mello ) is like ‘hey! let’s do it’ and Mello ( still angy that Near is always right in front of him ) is like ‘FUCK you I’m gonna catch Kira myself’ and leaves the orphanage . Five years later , he works with the mafia , even getting his hands on a Death Note & with the help of a shinigami ( that he scared the living piss out of ) concludes that a rule that states a human will die if they haven’t written in the notebook in thirteen days is fake . He also like , blackmails the president and orchestrates an explosion that Soichiro Yagami dies after but he gets a wicked ass scar afterwards so it’s okay . Now working with L’s third potential successor , Matt , he spies on Misa Amane and makes connections between the second L ( Light Yagami ) & Kira , deduces that Kiyomi Takada is an accomplice , and kidnaps her to try and expose Kira as Light Yagami - but . . . he dies in the process , and so does Matt . The cool thing is though his discoveries led to Near’s breakthrough in the Kira case ( as he and Near met one last time , where he gives Mello the photo he has here in Alucard ) and Mello kind of gets the last laugh post-mortem . And also a kind of neat thing , his last appearance is as the narrator in the Death Note prequel , the Los Angeles BB murder cases - I’m gonna quote the whole thing in my eventual intro but ! It’s an awesome book and Mello is an awesome narrator . ( dn spoilers end here tyvm )

IN AN ALUCARD NUTSHELL - So Mihael Keehl ( his real name in canon , mind you ) is a twenty year-old runaway from the foster system - also sometimes lived in an orphanage but when he wasn’t , the constant tossing around because of his rebellious tendencies wrecked him . He isn’t employed , not does he actually have an actual home - living in a beat down truck most of the time if he can’t get a motel / hotel room for a night or a few . He makes basic expenses and fills his basic needs by doing odd jobs in exchange for money or favors - stuff like ‘if I do this for you for x amount of days or I get this for you you’ll pay for my phone bill for the next two months’ and that stuff . Basic arrangements . And he knows he can like , maybe try to commit to a job or a home but he’s actually . . . way too fucking scared of being tied down or in a worse situation that’s somehow more stable so the nomad life is kind of what he sticks with . But he’s homeless & it’s not good for him . At all . He’ll never flat-out admit that though which is why he calls himself a drifter . His main reason for being on his own , and refusing any extensive help from anyone outside of these favors , is because he has a point to prove - because that inferiority complex kicks in because the other kids he grew up against are doing amazing things and he wants to do better , and not receive any large amount of help . He just ,,, doesn’t understand he’s not doin’ any good for himself .

BUT OOOOOOOH YOU WANNA PLOT WITH MELLO SO BAD OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so the biggest connection in the sense that it’s the most open , i mentioned that mello mainly pays for his own expenses ( or more so , gets other people to pay for them ) by doing favors or small jobs in exchange for either money or other forms of payment . so obviously , people he has these arrangements with - they can range from anything , mello is extremely smart ( a thing that comes up is that he has a shit ton of wasted potential ) in the books , technology , the streets and has a bunch of small talents he’s picked up over the years of living on his own ( saving money , sewing and mending / caring for clothes how else is he gonna keep that amazing fashion , cooking with very little ingredients , cleaning with little tools , fixing the kinks / souping up automobiles , ahem sexual stuff , tutoring , sometimes even mild illegal shit , you name it . ) so he can offer these talents / skills / etc . to other people who could use them ( most of the time repeatedly ) and in exchange , the other muses will pay him in cash or by doing things like paying his phone bill , car insurance , health insurance , food / groceries , hotel/motel room for a few nights , or even just offering him a place to use the shower or bathroom or even a bed for certain days of the week . This can also lead to many of the other plots I have listed here in the sense it’s a start , and it can happen with anyone , anywhere , for any reason .

literally the thing w/ mel is that he knows no limits and will do anything for anyone and is hardheaded as fuck about it because he’s got a point to prove and things to do and he won’t waste time refusing but the moment you offer your help in exchange for nothing or you’re trying to hold his hand a little too much and he catches on , the arrangement’s over and you’ll be lucky to see him again .

okay so uh . in that sense ?? maybe ppl who kind of helped him out and he did like . one thing for them and once he got his payment for that one thing he kinda bounced n they never heard from him again for whatever reason . nothing against them but he rly isn’t gonna make a habit of staying in one place for too long . 

obviously , those people that really think he’s gotta give up the ghost of trying to survive like this bc it’s wearing on his health & he doesn’t wanna admit it . and he’s tried shaking them off but he won’t leave and sometimes he’s forced to give into the help they offer but tries making them take a payment back .

old peers that felt whatever way about him back then but feel pity for his wasted potential ( at the moment ) , bc this dude was like . . . a straight-a student and was rly good at a bunch of things and now he’s living the way he is . whatever they wanna do and however they felt about him and how he interacted with them back then Differs but . there’s kind of like ‘damn u live like this’ now . gimme some kids who had crushes on him , kids he was rivals with , kids he got into fights with and maybe socked in the jaw a few times , kids who always admired him , kids who hated his guts - it always comes down to what life is like now vs. what life was like then .

i’d like some friends who were formed from the favors - and maybe they’ve stopped whatever they had with him but they still regularly hang out or something , maybe offer a place to stay for the night . 

just in general ?? people who keep their home open for him and whether he takes them up on their offer on a rare basis .

pls some folks trick him into accepting their help like leave him basket of chocolate candy and trap him or something like just . make it ‘wait what’ deal bc they all know he’s stubborn .

also uh . he’s been arrested for minor offenses a few times so some ppl who’ve bailed him out pls and he’s tryna repay him back .

mentor figures . mentor figures pls he’s trying not to accept their mentor-y guidance from .

so maybe the hero  . . . maybe the one person who was like the l to mello of alucard ( maybe even the Man himself ) that he just . looked up to forever and probably still does .

. . . favor idea ?? maybe he’s a stand-in boyfriend or date for events or somethin’ like mello kinda has that bad boy reputation but maybe he dated them for show on their whim at some point or they have that kinda thing ‘pls pretend to my boyfriend and i’ll let u use my shower every weekend for the next month’ or so .

also , one night stands or friends with benefits he uses only for the bathroom / a place to sleep . folks he’s dated for a period bc he did feel something and therefore he had them as an outlet but then broke up with them ( most likely ?? he was the one who ended it bc he has never known love stability & got spooked on it ending and just - did it on his own accord before he could further get hurt BUT THAT NEVER WORKS and he has hella commitement issues ) and tried to shrug it off as ‘ just another fling ’ even tho he’s highkey sad over it . ppl he’s slept with and then disappears with only a ‘thank you’ note as the evidence he was there . and do they accept it ?? are they pissed over it ?? that is up to You but it’s probably gotten around that mihael keehl has never had a stable relationship and never , ever stays . 

lots of ppl he probs has the above two arrangements or scenarios with bc again , gotta get shit done somehow .

enemies . . . he has an endless grudge with for some reason like maybe they screwed him over , 

i want . . . folks he can eventually get soft with and maybe actually seek that comfort in even tho u gotta chip at the five thousand concrete walls to get to that stage . i want to see him become better and that’s an ultimate goal for him in alucard ( even though it’s gonna be a bit more difficult with his memories returning ) to get better , commit to something , accept stability and get his life on a better track .

and yes , that includes an eventual ship ! really it can build off of any of these dynamics just . give me sneaking in through windows late at night , soft words and gentle kisses and protective hugs and please stay i know you never stay but please stay with me and the thought that maybe he should leave but he doesn’t and they wake up with him after a night and he’s still there and maybe there’s a scare he left like he always does but he made chocolate chip pancakes and he feels safe & alright which is . . . a rare occasion in his messy ass life . maybe something like friends to lovers , fwb to lovers , an old flame , anything this could be fun to do !! end goal though , i’d like something on the softer side that’s healthy and loving because that’s really what he needs . 

( some notes tho bc he’s only twenty i’ll sayyyy max i’ll do the more romantic / spicier stuff with in that aspect is . . . 23 - 24 ?? bc he’s almost 21 like if we put the fact we’re in october into account and his birthday is december 13th that isn’t too far away so . That’s That . he’s also pan as fuck . )

BUT , yes . the main connections / plots there are what i can think of . ik a lot of these are so wordy and i’m sorry bt as always ! i will take literally anything i love plots and i think with what i have for mello there is so much potential in what we can do here .

and as always . give me other death note characters . near or matt specifically would fucking make me cry and i’m here for it .

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[nctsukashii-archive-blog]

Unpopular character you love? (not hoshi)

The saltiest cracker you know is me, Bepsi!23. Unpopular character you love?

Ah SHOOT. YOU TOOK MY EASY ANSWER. JERK ! Meanie !!! U big pizza slice !

aababbaa but! I do have one I really wanna talk about!Under the cut you see, for I ramble a lot.

- Hifumi !

I love him man.There’s so much about his character that’s so relatable and lovable to me. I think that’s why DR1′s amazing theme of “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” really comes on in with him. On the outside he looks like as one would expect of a gross anime fan. Fat, not attractive, pretty gonk-y, speaks all fuckin over the top like an anime, so on and so forth. But it’s when you learn about him that really makes him super fucking amazing.His past is like, something that I can relate to myself in a bit. As someone that ‘became a bully to stop the bullying’ and stopped when he could like… find enjoyment and fun in an anime character and put all of his effort into that instead. He’s drawing because he shows appreciation for her, and that’s super sweet. And quick tangent before I continue, but “he only makes hentai” is a bad argument. Like, he does and I ain’t gunna vouch that he doesn’t but lots of people do. What’s wrong with it? Like, is it a crime to make that stuff??? Clearly not if Doujin creators are a big deal in Japan, able to have hour long lines at their stands at conventions, with people willing to purchase their merch with devoted fans. Like, ppl are so quick to demonize sexuality it’s CRAZY.

Anyways, back on topic. He’s got a great personality. He’s like, a bit of a stuck up jackass when ya first see him, but it’s the later interactions that just really sell it for me. He’s got some of the FUNNIEST lines in my opinion, between saying that his punches towards Ishida will go faster b/c he has no arm hair so there’ll be less wind resistance, or his numerous anime and videogame quips (”rebooting my devices; please stand by”, “You haven’t reached that point in our friendship! You don’t have enough friendship points to be asking those questions!”, “If he tries that (in context it’s mondo going to attack monokuma) Oowada Mondo-dono’s health will go to zero!”, “the whole anime plotline for the first episode outside the trash room”, for a few) are all just absolutely stellar to me. He’s unabashedly awkward because he’s just so confident in himself and what he loves, and it makes me happy to see him so enthusiastic!

Speakin of that, let’s go more into it!!He’s so passionate about himself, and just has a gay ol time doing everything. It’s absolutely amazing honestly. His speaking is just so energetic! He’s so happy to do what he does as an artist and I absolutely love it! It’s almost inspirational, that he can be so unabashedly confident and happy about his skill, and it shows just how much love he puts into his art. And real talk here, but Hifumi isn’t even that much of an asshole. Like, people make him out to be some kinda monster, when that’s absolutely not the case. “he killed Ishimaru though!” yeah, because Celes lied and said that Ishimaru sexually assaulted her, took what would be at that point Hifumi’s close friend, and said Ishimaru planned to kill him and probably everyone else. Like, murder is still wrong, but he didn’t do it because “oh celes asked me to”. He did it for his sense of justice- in that he hated to see someone like Celes be hurt. : / don’t diss my dude for tryin to protect a friend yo. His spats with people are less mean spirited and just more fun and lightheared dickery. Like, when you crack shit with your friends. He picks fights, but it’s never out of malicious intent. It’s like having a good time or trying to lighten the atmosphere, albeit in his own goofy anime way.Even in Chapter 2, the spat he has with Fukawa in the library over literature and doujin isn’t as aggressive as it prolly should be. He takes most insults with stride (unless they insult the 2-D works of course!!) and it feels a lot more like a cliche anime rivalry (esp. when he says shit like “you are my ARCH NEMESIS, I can’t make you tea!” when Fukawa asks why he only made some for Celes). At least, that’s what Yamada thinks.

He’s confident, which a lot of people always like to assume makes someone a dick or feature it as a negative trait rather than a positive one, when it can go both ways. Hifumi being able to have such high standards that he openly admits to not reading other people’s works because he can just write a story he wants to see himself can be considered narcissistic, but having the confidence to sell his works starting from high school (prolly when they were more pg and ‘fade to black’) and get over 10,000 copies sold is something to be proud of and I’m glad that he is! It’s a stigma that artists have to hate themselves, or suffer for their work, but I disagree. When an artist is healthiest and happiest in their mind, that’s when they make the best work. Vincent Van Gogh made the Starry Night when he was in a hospital getting better for his depression and mental relapses after all. Hifumi’s not fit, and he definitely has some areas where people would consider him unhealthy such as his eating habits and whatnot, but he also focuses on being happy and being himself as a first priority. He eats because he enjoys it, and remembers to have all his meals. He does what he likes without actively hurting others, because he just enjoys doing it, and he loves to promote his favorite anime character. He’s a dorky geek that says shit like “swag” and fuckin says “i forget not everyone is as savvy as I am” which is just so fucking amazing to me it’s both hilarious and fun.

Also haha, the fact that he’s making Doujin from a character who’s overweight is kinda nice to me, because she’s not a “conventionally attractive” anime girl with big titties and a small stomach; she’s chubby and different, and I think that’s nice to show what Hifumi’s interests are as well as what anime really means to him. It’s not just about getting his rocks off, it’s about the fun and enjoyment and the feelings that anime can give you and what your mind can do. It’s why he had a dream about going on a date with a magical girl, the kinds of characters who inspire friendship and happiness, for fucks sake. When he was lonely and had no friends and became a bully to counteract the way people treated him, he found something that would be there for him, and he wanted to support it ever since. Which is a powerful and very overall positive message to give people.

But he has great messages too. Messages about being able to be yourself and have fun, no matter how “dorky” or “lame” your interest might be to others. He encourages people to have fun in their own ways, even if he wants to promote Princess Piggles, with lines such as “what might be boring to me might be another persons moespiration! With that in mind, look for your own!” and “In a sense, a geek is like an expert. That’s right, a total expert! A successful musician must necessarily be a music geek, a good movie director is a movie geek. You see? It’s those experts, those geeks who open up the world to others!”. It’s positive and nice, and it forms who he is as a person.

No one’s perfect, and neither is he, but he’s pretty damn good. And I’ll defend him with every fiber of my being for just how real he feels.

I personally believe it’s because this fandom has a definite bias against male characters that aren’t distinctly attractive, as you can see Hoshi gets ignored quite a lot compared to all of the other males (even being the ONLY male left out of the halloween drawing!! Let alone he gets left out of most fan merch.) and he’s honestly one of the most down to earth and downright cool dudes in DR. I don’t want to change either of them, because I think their looks only make it better for their backstories and who they are as characters! So even if Hifumi gets like no fanart, and Hoshi struggles with getting new content, I’d rather have them the same way they are now, rather than make them attractive. Because I think that the way they are, only makes them better.

And that’s my short version essay on why I think Hifumi’s super rad and more people should give him a chance. Of course he’s a very hit or miss kinda person with his comedy, but if Tsumugi’s obscure anime references were fun for you, then Hifumi’s really good too! ^p^b

[ji-lixie]

Hey, its gonna be okay. There are lots of moments in life where our pasions just arent as intense as before or even disapear for a little while, but that doesnt mean you should feel bad/angered with your self over it. Try to give this a breake, focus on other things even if it is only a week or two, because the more you drawn onto this feeling the harder its gonna be on you.

Also, you dont need to apologise to people for following you, you are doing you best🌸💖

ive kinda left this one in my inbox all day bc i dont know what to really say to it, ig? like. obviously i want to start with the fact that i appreciate u took time out of ur day to say something nice to someone whos struggling bc it genuinely means a lot to me that u did that!!

idk take some ramblings of a struggling artist or w/e u wanna call me. 'depressed bitch' also works lmao

i guess i just... always feel like i'm not doing enough as a creator. like as a fan idc abt making content, but i like making things. i think just... stuff comes back around like darl+ing did, or like HOT did, and i just kinda watch everyone else make pretty much every single thing ever and i sit there and im like... well, what do i do? what can i do? everyone's always going to make things better than me to begin with.

it's not like drawing or writing where i'm the only person who can create a thing that way. its taking the exact same content as other people do and just... doing it, but always doing it worse because other people have done this enough times that it looks easy to them even though i know its not. some people probably have their stuff automated so that they can churn content out quickly.

i guess i'll always feel like... not good enough. and i think that's always where my passion dies out. and if i'm honest, i think i notice it the most in caratblr out of anything else. it always feels weirdly competitive. gif the mv first. make your sets for the new gose episode and get them posted as fast as you can but also make them look good. there's a new fancam? there will be gifsets already uploaded before you even view the first few seconds of it.

and it's not that i would ever ask another creator to slow down because if they're genuinely enjoying making their content then go for it? have fun? i just wish people consumed content better. if you aren't a "big name" then you aren't going to get notes. sometimes it feels like if you aren't a part of closed network that you aren't going to get anything either. or maybe people just... don't want to reblog things.

i don't know. i just notice it the most in caratblr compared to the other groups i made gifs for. i think that's honestly why i really prefer making content for groups like treasure or golcha? its just... more comfortable. i don't feel like i'm constantly competing with other people to produce something for them.

i make a gifset of hyunsuk and i feel at home with getting reblogs from my mutuals and seeing people be nice in the notes. i make that skz + red set and i see some ppl being super nice and calling it pretty/stunning or pointing out the way felix looks in one of the gifs.

which isnt to say caratblr isnt nice. i think abt the sweet tags i get usually from my mutuals, sometimes from ppl outside that circle, too. but idk, i just notice an imbalance more of reblogs to likes more often there. i compare myself to other creators who get hundreds of notes which is probably my own damn fault for comparing so much.

and i think that just... genuinely impacts my enjoyment of things. sometimes im like "oh maybe it'll be fun to gif the new mv haha" or something and then i remember oh, right, im not talented enough for that. other people are going to do it and do it better every single time so why should i try?

also lmao its just hard to be on tumblr in general when stuff like this happens. logic says "take a break for a few days" but i just... i dont want to. i like being here. i like interacting with my mutuals. i just know i'm going to sit there and feel fucking awful though if i try to scroll through my dash. and if i take a break for too long, then it feels like im falling even further behind. i already have to take a fucking extra semester to finish my schooling, i feel even more pathetic falling behind in a hobby that i actually like.

its stupid. sometimes i feel like i don't deserve to be here and to be a fan if i let so much stupid shit like that bother me. i know i don't have to create content to be a fan, but i just... i like doing it. its just hard to not lose all motivation again and wonder why i even bother being here and listening when i can't give them my all in return.

[nemirutami]

Excuse me for being a weirdo who backreads people's blogs, but I had a small additional question regarding your answer to this ask here: /171315404167/ Do you also hate Alcor? If so, I'm incredibly curious to know why, since never harbored any ill will towards humanity and genuinely cared for the protagonist. (I realize I'm a little biased as I ship them together, but that's beside the point) I do agree most of the characters' motives and views were pretty selfish though.

I LOVE DESU ASKS.... AS EVIDENT BY THE VERY LONG REPLY... (SORRY!)

I’m glad ppl are reading them bc sometimes I feel like I’m yelling directly at a wall and my opinions are just bouncing right off, but I have an answer for that. 

I think the game did Alcor disservice in how he was represented. He would have benefited more from being impartial (but he isn’t impartial- and I’ll go more into detail about how he meddles to tip the scales) but I will admit anime!alcor was worse and just a sloppy attempt at making a NGE reference- but I won’t go into that because I could write an essay about how shitty the DESU2 anime is (I think everyone can- no one that played the game liked it and I can’t blame them).

The characters I actually can’t stand are: Yamato and Ronaldo. Because they’re actually the ones that actively go out and wipe out even ALLIES for their own benefit, not gonna lie- I might hate Ronaldo just a tiny bit more because of Makoto’s fate events, even if Yamato is just as bad if not worse. On top of that, they’re both awful hypocrites and unlike Yamato where I can kinda see the appeal, Ronaldo is completely unlikable. Even so, I can enjoy ships with Yamato in them. Tho I ship absolutely no one with Ronaldo because why would you evoke that kind of suffering in anyone. 

Everyone else is either bordering on annoying, bland, or just a mean spirited asshole. I feel more sympathy for Keita than I do for Hinako because at least Keita calls everyone a piece of shit, whereas Hinako seems to single out Daichi to shit on... on Daichi’s own route. Fumi also talks down to everyone, but in this case, Daichi’s just caught in the crossfire. Similar with Airi, she hates EVERYONE apparently, and will even punch Jungo. Hinako tho seems to specifically target Daichi on his route like... what the fuck is your problem? You called him an idiot twice in 1 battle Hinako holy shit, go chill??? I will never let this go because BOY was just BREATHING and she went “UGHHH YOU’RE SO STUPID” LIKE LET HIM BREATHE HOLY SHIT IS HE NOT EVEN ALLOWED THAT ANYMORE? 

Anyways, onto Alcor.

There’s a lot of plot holes and inconsistencies surrounding how the summoning app actually works (Alcor invented it after all, and gave it to us to use) and all these inconsistencies just make Alcor look bad from a writing standpoint (more of that below). He could have been a good character had he not been written poorly (Much like Yamato and... like 99% of the cast really. Even Daichi suffers from shit writing and I’ll never forgive them for this.) and had the plot not fucked him in the end and basically had him destined to die even on Daichi’s route (which sucks but is understandable since he is a septentrione) perhaps I’d have actually liked him. 

I tend to love characters that obsess with the protagonist, and they’re usually my absolute FAVORITE characters. I’m really surprised I didn’t jump on Alcor’s ship with the protag because it HAD the setting I absolutely adored for relationships to form? Especially the alien/human dynamic since I came into DESU2 right after exiting NGE so I was IN THE MOOD. Alcor in and of himself was just. Not satisfying to interact with (bored me to tears too) because of his cryptic messages that (more than anything) just waste time and bring the player nowhere unless they rank up to like 4 right before Yamato basically THROWS EXPOSITION AT YOU AND EXPLAINS THE ENTIRE PLOT ON THE 2ND LAST DAY (it’s even worse and comes even more out of nowhere if you haven’t interacted with Alcor at all in his fate events. More disservice. They should have made Alcor’s fate events more intimate and given Alcor more plot relevant lines within the plot itself instead of his events. Much like... Daichi really. They fucked up with Daichi by making his fate events more relevant to his character growth than the actual plot. I guess they did the same for Alcor but truth be told, I remember so little about Alcor because more than anything Alcor just bored me. Never quite pissed me off. Just bored me.) 

Ok, but onto the cake. The things that made me iffy on Alcor’s character in general.

Alcor supposedly gave humans fire and culture and blah blah. Already this is telling me to practice immense amounts of disbelief since it’s well documented how these things came about, but I suppose if no one actually knows the history then they can accept this at face value? I wasn’t tho. He acted responsible for it and it put me in disbelief and just made me think he sounded like an idiot. It also made him seem very arrogant, because it implied people NEEDED to be given culture, and that we just didn’t develop culture and diversity on our own. It implies we were all lifeless husks until he came along and granted it to us. Which is insulting.

The fact he’s a septentrione isn’t foreshadowed well and is very obvious from the second we see him floating and talking to other demons/septentriones since he clearly knows what they’re saying. Not really a character-specific issue. Just more problems of bad writing. “Who is he...” Daichi have you seen a HUMAN float in space like that god fucking damn it i love you but why u so duMB WHY YOU ALL SO DUMB IT’S CLEARLY EITHER A DEMON OR A SEPTENTRIONE, THE REAL QUESTION IS- WHY IS HE HELPING US?

Btw that’s another point. Why is he helping us? Oh, right, because he messed up.

He doesn’t want Yamato’s world, but he gave Yamato the power to reform society. Then, when Yamato tries to do what Alcor granted him the means to do, he’s like. Hm. Well. Shit? This guy’s a fucking psycho. Time to place my bets on the protagonist instead (which he does favor a lot- which doesn’t make him impartial really since he clearly favors explaining things more to Hibiki/Protag than anyone else in the game, and it puts everyone else at a disadvantage when a GOD LIKE ENTITY is behind the protag boosting him to make the “right” choice for humanity). I know Alcor was fascinated by humans and wanted them to live (which is fine), yet he didn’t bother to warn the MILLIONS that died (and remained dead in one of the endings- thanks Alcor) due to his negligence. Knowing about it and at least not issuing a warning is cruel. Sure, he gave people the demon summoning app, but the app was considered a “prank site” (nice advertisement, Alcor) as Daichi said at the start of the game (which i hate more than Yamato himself. Daichi. This. This idiot. This idiot signed his best friend up to a DEATH SITE just cus LOLS- the writing is bullshit, and I really disliked early Daichi, too. I disliked some of later canon-Daichi too because he was just rendered to a joke outside his Fate Events). The writing is really unfair on everyone, and it doesn’t help that the app doesn’t work the way it’s advertised to work anyways, seeing as Alcor can twist it to do what HE needs it to do at any time.

For example, the app is said to send death videos regarding people you’ve made a bond with, but clearly that’s all bullshit considering Alcor manually sends Hibiki a warning (and only Hibiki alone) of Otome’s death video so that NO ONE BUT HIBIKI CAN SAVE HER. This implies he can manipulate the death videos personally and exclude others from receiving videos. This. This is not kind. Not at all. I know he was testing Hibiki, but at THIS RISK? Losing Otome can FUCK YOUR PERFECT RUN and outside game mechanics, ELIMINATE ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE. If he wanted to, he could kill characters he actually doesn’t like this way by basically not sending the videos out to people, which, if you don’t go to save Otome right away- will be the end of her. He’s putting all his bets on you alone and testing you by cutting off everyone else from the app- potentially hindering backup to save Otome. Sure, you save her but you can just as easily kill her. I can’t say this wasn’t a sleazy test because he was basically playing with Otome’s LIFE and showed no signs of remorse. Some love for humans you have Alcor. Shit dude. This isn’t kind at all.

But I guess these are my main qualms about him- at least the ones I remember- but take everything I say with a grain of salt bc I tried to avoid confrontation with him completely in my 2nd and 3rd run so I have vague memories lingering. I don’t hate him? I can actually like him if he’s written well by other people, but given how he is in the game, I can’t say I ever enjoyed interacting with him. He didn’t annoy me other than the 2 times I’ve stated above, where he basically talks down to us about how we got to our culture and how he kinda lets Otome PERISH if we don’t respond quickly enough. I know it was a test to the protagonist’s will, but aren’t the septentriones a test enough of my conviction, Alcor, honestly. Unlike Airi, Hinako, Keita, and everyone else, Alcor doesn’t annoy me at all. Io annoys me more, if not only because the game wanted Daichi to be plot relevant only for Io to get all the spotlight. Io is genuinely maybe the better written character- it’s just such a shame they flipflop on her as a lead when in any other game, she could easily have been a lead. Her love triangle kills any enjoyment I get from her at all tho and just makes me bitter. More bad writing- who would have guessed.

Tho from a shipping standpoint? You can ship Alcor with Hibiki for good reasons, obviously. There’s a clear connection and fascination there that doesn’t surprise me people flock to (because I would have been there too had they just written him better). I don’t really mind the ship itself. When I say “i don’t mind it” I just mean I don’t feel anything for it and I’d probably not draw it for myself. There are really no ships I hate or really... dislike? There’s just stuff I don’t ship, but I can definitely ship Hibiki/Alcor if it was for a plotpoint of some kind in a fic or art or whatever. It depends on the idea really. 

I guess it’s too late to say something like this so far into the post, but I like to believe that ANY ship works if the construction/buildup to it is good enough. I believe you can make any character do/say anything under the right circumstances with the right motives without it being OOC or feel out of place. I’d like to think talent is wicked like that- a double edged sword of risky ideas that can either make or break your interpretation/perception depending on how you build it up. Though, that takes effort. Something DESU2 sadly lacks in a lot of ares, but it’s still a game worth playing for the experience and I wouldn’t not recommend it for the good parts that are (while few) really, really good.

[rockybalfeatherboa]

getting these mtl headcanons outta my system

This is a long ass post but these r some random metalocalypse hcs that I feel kinda strongly abt some r real silly ok here it goes 

Aka me projecting

Toki - Enjoys activities like roller skating, weight lifting and boxing (that’s why he’s yknow fucken ripped) - Also enjoys model cars but not nearly as much as his beloved fighter planes - Thick brows - Hair is very thick and smooth (and,,pretty) but he doesn’t put a lot of work into is making the other guys kinda jealous - Sometimes shaves his legs below the knee but that’s it - Does shit like host teen choice awards and guest star on children’s tv shows BUT THEN acts surprised when kids love him,,,tf bitch this is ur fault - Absolutely loves physical affection he fuckin loves hugs and kisses!!!! - Prefers making out and titty groping groupies (and maybe a blowjob) over having sex with them .. but will still do it if he feels like he’s up to it - Kisses with his eyes open (and overall just real fuckin weird ok) - Keeps the video from Juliette sarmangsadandle in his nightstand he treasures it - Mostly writes his own keyboard parts for songs - Band thinks he’s hilarious when he doesn’t try to be but when he tries to tell jokes they don’t work ,, but he’s really funny in Norwegian it’s just the jokes don’t really translate too well so he just,,keeps it to himself - Pickles taught him how to smoke and now they like to chill and smoke together it’s like “their thing” - But he’s really picky about it he only smokes indica - (This is me projecting) Learned the phrase “if u feelin froggy then jump” and never stopped using it

Skwisgaar - shaves e v e r y t h i n g bc of 1) the aesthetics and 2) loves the way it feels - long lovely legs - huge fucken feet - has a klokateer pluck and tweeze his eyebrows them shits be on fleek - cries in secret at least once a day it’s become routine - He kept in touch with his Swedish gf for a while but then fell off and went back to hoeing #hoe4lyfe - Secretly wishes he can go back to wearing all white but he has to maintain brand recognition bc of the band - Wears very slight sweet smelling cologne behind his ears and wherever else cologne goes - Either eats a fuckton or not very much during the day,, keeping his metabolism on her toes - Guitar playing for him is like ultimate stress relief and also he fidgets with it he loves that thing - Has a book of various songs or riffs that he’s written on the guitar that dethklok will never ever use - Wears highlighter - Has run into one of his grown ass children in the bank one time and had to get the fuck out of there immediately,,they didn’t realize it was him tho -  Puts his feet on nathan just to bother him - Great teeth / really conscientious about hygiene - Cold hands and oily skin type - He has a pretty good sense of rhythm but ,, he can’t dance he can’t dance for shit oh my god it’s a disaster to look at - “I look like I can’t cook… that’s accurate” - When he drinks wine he does that thing where he swirls it around like a bougie piece of shit - Lactose intolerant :/ - Talks with his hands a l o t it’s over dramatized and very fascinating to watch - Responds to compliments with “I know”

Murderface - closet gay*   *gay but he grew up in such a homophobic environment so he tries to ignore it and pretty much force himself to be straight, explaining his constant trouble with women (Bc the attraction isn’t genuine ) and his fragile masculinity (so he’s always a “fellas is it gay to-“ or a “no homo” type of guy ),, his self esteem issues don’t help this out at all - big fuckin crush on skwisgaar (and skwis loves the attention) - sleeps with a retainer - hair is so dry,,,,,,please give this man some conditioner oh my god - knows pretty much everything about the civil war and the American revolution literally ask him anything he’s like a textbook - Somebody come get this man a pedicure - He has a lot of fans and they adore him it’s just that he’s oblivious to it,,, ppl love murderface!! - He’s not as ugly as he thinks he is or that people make him out to be, it’s just that people may think that only Bc the rest of Dethklok is so pretty. He kinda just ends up looking the worst by four-way comparison. It’s just a different type of look he has there’s nothing really wrong with his appearance - Imma go head and say it,,,he uses “y’all” - He and toki have actually made some decent songs for planet piss but it’s usually when they’re jamming out so they pretty much never get recorded 🤷🏽‍♀️ or remembered - He can move his dick voluntarily I mean I already knew that people with dicks can do this but murderface has like a whole new level of control with his - Got banned from Fintrolls bc he pissed in the olives but he just keeps coming back bc what are they gonna do? nothing - He takes his weapon/torture device collection very seriously like when u walk into his room u better not touch a damn thing or so help me -

Pickles - has nose piercings but doesn’t wear em - Small ear gauges - Strong toned legs especially shins and calves - Has not had a swig of h20 in 6 years but somehow has nice skin (a mystery) - Loathes Seth but absolutely a d o r e s  the baby!!! He loves that damn baby and always appreciates when Seth or amber send pics or FaceTime call !! Fuckin uncle pickles!! - Helps toki compose his keyboard parts for songs (Bc he too can play the piano) - Kinda flexible but not as he used to be,,he used to be able to do a full split - Likes to bug Charles a lot bc they’re the closest in age , sometimes they hang they’re good buds - Watches shitty reality tv (bad girls club, LHHATL (it has to Atlanta), etc) as a guilty pleasure - Kind of an asshole but in a way that leaves u wanting more - Played basketball freshman year of highschool,, he was ass at it lmao - Idk how much this has to do with being a headcanon but if pickles was a vine he’d be “I said whoever threw that paper, ya moms a hoe” he just carries that energy - Smells like a light combination of weed and cologne it’s really nice - Will tell one of his band mates to go blow their nose if they’re sniffling too much

Nathan - doesn’t like it when people touch his hair without asking but HOWEVER if u ask before u do he’d probably say yes ,, just gotta warn him first damn - Hates hates h a t e s feet it’s like a weird squirmy phobia. He’s ok with his own feet and just *seeing* other peoples feet but let someone’s bare foot touch him and he’d probably black out tbh - Really socially awkward outside of his stage presence but I think we all knew this - Nathan’s really sweet he just ,, u gotta know him - Really emotional when he’s drunk - Secretly cussing out everyone in his head - He doesn’t completely dislike physical affection but he’s not crazy about it either - Also kisses with his eyes open (but unlike toki he’s trying to work on it) - Dad bod but we all knew this too - Slightly introverted ..he likes to party and shit but can only take that much social interaction for so long then it’s time for him to go home - Eyes are so striking and pretty oh my god it’s like they’re shining it’s all his gfs favorite thing about him - ,,,,,,,thicc - He’s one of those people that rip off their hangnails instead of cutting them 😖 - He can throw down on the grill goddamn why isn’t he in charge of snacks? - Knows how to suture a wound with some level of proficiency - He loves his parents he just hates how they embarrass the fuck out of him god leave me alone mom and dad! - This is ironic to the last thing but remember that video where it was like “son let me hear some of your music” “I don’t think you’d like it” “c’mon let me listen” and the song is just “I hate my dad I hate my dad I hate my dad” the whole time yea that was Nathan in high school - Strong arms (b,,beautiful) - As a kid he used to poke at roadkill for uhh entertainment - Used to be self conscious about his reading glasses but doesn’t gaf anymore - Severe case of resting bitch face he’ll literally be chillin but his face will be mean muggin but that’s just the way he looks - Tried PCP and ended up having to be chained to his bed betcha he’ll never smoke that shit again - likes crime investigation shows and serial killer documentaries - Will n e v e r  refuse a fresh hot salted pretzel

[commedias]

hello friends !! i am v v tired and emotionally distraught over the fact i was wrongfully terminated today but in more exciting news, this blog has officially turned ONE month old and i hit 200 followers today :-) thus, this calls for my first follow forever. i’ll also be prefacing it with a super cheesy blurb abt how much i love this blog and all of y’all, so buckle your seatbelts and get ready to go !!

when i started this blog, i had no idea i would experience this much joy from writing and interacting with all of you !! i had rp'ed in the past in groups, indie, and 1x1, but this was my first time really entering the krpc, or for those of you don't know korean roleplaying community. i remember using kpop fcs in groups and often being ignored for not using a lot of the mainstream fcs in american pop culture. now that i have this blog, i feel so #blessed to be able to interact with others who use kpop fcs and have high-quality writing as well !! on a more personal note, this blog has really helped me keep in touch with my writing and overall self. writing has always been difficult for me bc i felt like it was so time-consuming (not like i have anything else to do) and obligatory especially within the tumblr community, but all of you have been so patient while i dealt with irl problems such as work and college !! as a result, it really encourages me to try my hardest and push myself as a writer to reply as efficiently as possible. occupying myself like this has kept my mind off of other things going in my life in a way that my own personal writing outside of tumblr couldn't do. it always took me back to the dark place where i was alerady at, a lot of relating to my own personal experiences. now i'm ngl, there's some self-insert here and there with my characters. wooyoung was created to help me sort out my alcoholc tendencies. but the stories themselves take on an entirely new light, your muses helping mine develop into BETTER characters and people overall. being able to create this growth not only encourages me as a writer, but as a person as well. i personally connect with my characters a lot even if they lead different lives than me and care for them as if they were real. even if i'm not always the strongest for myself, knowing that i have my muses, our threads, and a loving community keeps me grounded. i don't rly have many other ppl in my life, so to have the krpc supporting and interacting with me has given me the boost i need. thank you all so much for that. now onto the more fun stuff !!

@chimxrical​: although i touched upon it briefly in my other positivity post, you've helped both me and hongbin grow so much. ours was the first thread to truly grab me and push me beyond the standard threads that die out or don't grow very much. you always replied so quickly and it rly made me excited to see how interested you were in our thread as well. i never expected hongbin to grow to as much as he has thus far, only the construct "sugar daddy politician" in my mind when i first conceived him. he had an icy air as part of his job that i myself even couldn't penetrate through at first without meifen warming up to him. his interactions with her really unveiled to me the more intimate layers of his character, that he had a lot of pain and tenderness going on beyond his work. that he didn't always have to be as tough as his work made him, that it was okay for him to dive into the softer dimensions of his personality. i didn't go into hongbin x meifen with all the details that we know about him know like his schizophrenic mother and his strong notions of justice and making the world a better place. but the more he interacted with meifen, the more insight i began to gain into who he was and how deeply his details connected with me. hongbin and meifen's (and don't forget kyungri's) headcanons have always brought joy to me and i love thinking of how far hongbin and meifen will get together the more that our thread develops. and for you as a mun, you've always been SO patient and supportive. whenever i have questions or just want to share something with you, you welcome me with open arms. you have such a kind heart and it shows through all of your characters. thank you for always being there and your wonderful replies to our threads <3

@cxrrvptvs​: omg where do i begin ?? i love stanning exo with you and internally screaming over all of the angst between taeyong and jinwoo and all the fluff between sunghyun and dohyun. our muses just love each other very much and it's one of the best things that's happened like ?? your replies are always on point and i love all of your muses. you portray them so amazingly and i love it whenever you add a new one !! your threads with other ppl are so fun to read too tho i do kind of side eye like taeyong's jealous ass would but it's all good bc that's how multi-muse shipping works :-) hands down one of my favorite ppl to roleplay with and i can't wait to have a million more threads with you !!

@justlysts​: ahhh what a beautiful child (even tho you're older than me) i know i'm trash at replying to im's and just distance myself from ppl in general, but don't ever think you can't come tell me about your life. i know today you were salty abt those ppl you had to talk to for the concert tickets, but in any other case when u wanna talk lmao !! i don't have a job now so i'll have plenty of time to listen :-) appreciate yourself more bc i love your aesthetic and ur cute hair and korean styles. you have such a cute personality and i love u sending me a million guys to rate. i can tell you're going to go far in life as cliche as that sounds and i'm down to support you in whatever you decide to do.

@sekairph​: we've only known each other for a short time but we already fangirl over exo and wooyoung x kiara together and it's so wonderful. i love how much work you put into tumblr from your replies to your resources as a rph and your content is always on point !! i remember when u first messaged me and called me out for how much i reblog you like i honestly didn't even know i was reblogging all of it from you i'm just exo trash rip. your writing is so good and i love hearing insight on kiara with each reply, not strictly limiting into dialogue. our characters have sm natural chemistry and the plot we selected was so bomb like ?? you're so sweet and i wish you all the best and that you'll dream sweet dreams of sehun the next time you sleep. i can't wait to plot more in the future and see where kiara and wooyoung go !! his personality has really started to take more shape around her since i rly didn't know what i was doing with him at first lmao and it's helped me so much with his character so thank you for that :-)

@paidsoul​: honestly the realest person out here in this blue hell. even tho tumblr is a sensitive place, i appreciate how honest and firm you are in your convictions and don't make up bs excuses to get out of uncomfortable situations. idk i'm not articulating this the best, but i like how upfront you are rather than following the typical tumblr etiquette of "oh sorry love ahaha :-)!" and shit like that, ya feel ?? your muses' backstories always run me over with a bulldozer but like they're so good and well-thought out ?? like your angst has reasoning behind it rather than the tortured artist with no parents who gets drunk and paints a tree and thinks he's a fuckin rembrandt smh... ANYWAYS thank you for all the inspiration (sounds cliche, i guess life advice) you've given me and i'll take it to heart since someone needs to get thru to my problematic ass. i can't wait to get know you more as a person and also interact thru our threads and have lots of angst together !! also thanks for getting me into the supernatural vibe like fuck i love yanny so much already and deadass i'll probably add more spn muses in the future like a mermaid lmao or MAYBE a demon so i can have heart-wrenching backstories like you (tho i mean my human muses have some angst too like sunghyun and his dead mother) and make myself and partners in threads emotionally distraught.

@sxvrn​: okay side note i could have SWORE in our messages u told me your new url was supposed to be like based off 'salvation' but that the original url u thought of started a v or something and looked nothing like salvation lmao bc that's how i feel rn abt your url like i had to copy and paste it but i'm just HAPPY i found your new blog bc i never wanna lose our threads </3 continuing on that tho, i don't see it in my messages now tho and i checked both on mobile and the computer and all it says that you were worried abt changing it bc ppl might not find you but nothing's showing up about the salvation thing so i'm like mandela effect ?? ANYWAYS i'm happy i found your new blog so i could tag you in this (not so) little thing. i live for youngjae's problematic ass messing with sweet lil minsoo, as i've said at least a billion times before. a lot of this would probably be rehashing what i said in my last positivity post about you but idk you're just great ?? like bless you for not sleeping on kim minseok and keeping kuhn as a muse you are a good human being. whenever you post a starter in the tags, i'm always lurking on it like even before we starting talking ooc i kept reading them and thinking who is this amazingly creative person ?? i can't wait to see how your new blog and muses unfolds and i hope that you got over your case of writer's block !!

@grcviity​: i used to think snap threads were boring and then you happened and i'm obsessed now *exo voice* someone call the doctor. thank you for your quality snaps and using kihyun monsta x is gonna rise one of these days i tell you. i'm curious to see how our characters interact outside of snap lmao, but i'm sure it will be just as good, if not better. your muses are so god damn cute and so are you <3

@stcrgirls​: ayyy your personality is just so fun and so is yeuna tbh !! your replies are always a joy to read and kihyun and yeuna hit home with those feels omg. thanks for letting me tell u abt my college orientation and the lyft driver who i got into ko ko bop !! keep reppin' us pinays, girl, and btw that reminds me you're so pretty like who are you omg ?? your munday selfies were on point i was like damn girl you're mestizo. both pretty inside and out, i wish you all the best and can't wait to see how our threads grow together !!

ok so we're not here all night, here's some other lil cuties i wanted to give a shout-out to: @quietuptownx, @powerpuffs, @licnhrts, @mujehan,​ @ofwildblossoms, @dearcherryblossoms, @liquoidtears, @pxlimpsest, @rosevined, @niqhtowls, @slideivy, @realizcation, @bcrmuda, @likewinter, @honeyedsins, @shrinemade, @findmexsaveme, @flxrvl, @lawsqwad, @landrogynous, @blazedfires, @pvxilatc, @cacotheisms, @pinkbvbblegvm, @simpaticos, @tearedrops, @undersunrise, @lustrcvs, @fckxillusion, @fckfanxychild,

thank you once again to EVERYONE who made this possible, who continually supported me and waited for my turtle speed replies. thank you to mutuals who i don't talk to yet, but would love to. and even if i haven't followed you back, thank you a million times over. seeing my blog grow has gotten me so excited and given me some of my kick back in life (lmao i'm sixteen for god's sake not like my life's ending already) both as a writer as a person. honestly you all are the best for putting up with all of my exo spam and mun rants. thank you for all of the ask memes and love y'all send me regularly it means the world to me. i can't wait to see where this blog goes and meet even more friends :-)

[roman-winter]

ALL OF THOSE NUMBERS

WELP good thing ur the only one who actually sent me anything. HERE WE GO. every single number under the cut lmao

1. your favorite face claims

ZANE HOLTZ, MICHAEL TREVINO, BOB MORELY, STEPHEN JAMES, CAMERON MONAGHAN, if i could only use those faces for the rest of my rping life, i’d be perfectly happy, they’re my babes

2. your least favorite face claims

fcs i actively don’t like are p much bc people ruined them for me such as dane dehaan, xavier dolan, that blonde guy who’s always w xavier dolan and serval others that i never see around anymore anyway so it doesn’t really matter

3. face claims that you are dying to use

for the love of god someone actually let me use dj cotrona jfc. also miguel angel silvestre pleaseeeeee. and more zane holtzes always. like if u want a holy holtz, i’ll give him to you

4. face claims that you are dying to play against

rn i’m super into american gods so def both ricky whittle and emily browning. i’ve always wanted to play against a billie piper. every single person in this tag

5. your favorite original-verse oc (or one of your favorites)

shit that’s hard ummm i’m just gonna go w a current fav which is eli whitehall mostly bc of the amazing world that we’ve created for him and andrew and the like super amazing and rich backstory that has been developed, also just like playing a trans character who’s 50?? BEST THING EVER 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND esp since he’s got the best husband in the world #relationshipgoals

6. your favorite fandom oc (or one of your favorites)

not technically an oc since his name is mentioned in the books BUT since the verse is so completely not canon he’s basically an oc AUGUSTUS ROOKWOOD ALL DAY EVERY DAY my love my light my fav i will keep playing him forever and ever and then a bit more

7. your favorite oc who isn’t yours (or one of your favorites)

can i just say every single one of @chrysalis-writes​‘ characters??? but like atm probably oliver who is the love of my life. like wtf is better than an unplanned ship just taking form out of nowhere and then being THE BEST SHIP EVER CREATED like fuck man i get emo when i think about oliver and how beautiful and pure and wonderful christine made him. i’m crying ok bye

8. your favorite fandom character to have played

rn my fav has to be richie gecko my trans son, i love fdtd w my whole soul and i love having the privilege of writing richie w my two fav ppl 

9. a fandom character who you would really like to play

hey guess what i want? i want to play bruce wayne in my horrible crossover crackship helldream that is ironbat, aka the best ship in the world. i want bruce wayne and tony stark to fuck and i have zero regrets

10. a fandom character who you would like to interact with

see above.

11. an rpg that meant a lot to you

knockturn meant the world to me and i’m so so glad that i’ve gotten to keep writing in that verse even if it’s outside of a group environment, but it was such a fantastic experience and so much fun to create that world with my best bruv and i’m so so proud of all the writing we did, everyone was just absolutely amazing, and it’s also how i met nikki GOD BLESS US EVERYONE

12. an rpg that you’re excited about

i just applied to an rp a few days ago and i’m pumped about maybe getting to be in that but i'm not gonna tag it bc i dunt wanna be that asshole but it’s all the worlds and it looks hella cool

13. an rpg that you’d like to create

lmao NONE i’m done w that game man. i still dream of bringing back knockturn w christine one day bc that was legit my fav rp that i’ve been part of but a lot of things about the rpc would have to change before i’d feel okay about putting that much work into something again

14. your favorite rp friendship

i’m not gonna say christine bc that’s a cop out and also we were friends years b4 rping 2gether, so i’m gonna throw a bone to my two favs SUZIE and NIKKI the loves of my life whom i am so so lucky to be friends with and get to write with, and if either of u read this i love youuuuuuu

15. your favorite rp otp

every single ship that i have w christine but mostly oliver and val alwayz

16. your favorite rp notp

lmao idk bro you’d be surprised about how many notps i have tbh i’m just quiet about it bc i mind my own business unlike some people :~~~)

17. your favorite rp family relationship

UM SETH AND RICHIE GECKO OFC WHO DO YOU THINK I WOULD SAY the first time we started a thread w them we were legit like wtf why have we never played bros???? and it was the best and i’m always emo about those two trans losers

18. your favorite rp universe/world

i’m super into the little sensate world we’ve got going bc we have such cool and amazing characters and evil jeff goldblum exists and the story we’ve got concocted is great and can you tell i’m just talking directly to you now christine? bc i definitely am, who else would read this whole thing????

19. your favorite non-playable character

that is very very hard bc i’m notoriously bad at npcs, but i luv valentin’s daughter, alexandra bc she’s just so sweet and kind and accepting and i love her and all of the cute little things that have and will happen with her interacting with val and all the other sensates KILLS ME

20. your first rp character

omfg my first chara was an oc when i was like eleven called lily lupin and she was remus’ secret brother’s child???? i remember nothing else about her but that. idk guys i was a weird child but i had a good time rping on an hp forum lmao

21. your latest rp character

ELECTRIFICATION KOZLOV who is a badass kgb agent during the cold war who i’m super excited to start writing soon. he’s awful and great and idk what happened but i have a thing w playing russian characters rn????

22. a plot that you’d like to play out

see numbers 9 and 10

23. a real-world setting that you’d like to use as the setting of a plot

i think i’ve got all the real world setting plots i want rn tbh i’m really into grabbing more supernatural plots!

24. your favorite rp genre

probably scifi, esp atm! i’m so so bad at science myself but i really do love playing inside a scifi environment that i didn’t have to build lmao

25. a quote you’d like to use to build a character on

omfg i’m the WORST but i really would love to build a few characters (probably like a 1x1x1) based on “you are jeff” just literally the whole damn poem. i’ve had some character relationships that mimicked the twins section of it very well, but i think it’d be super fun to literally base a plot on that

26. a song you’d like to use to build a character on

i just saw reeve carney live and i’ve been listing to his new album nonstop and “resurrection” would make a really REALLY good character song, so THAT!

27. a song you’d like to use to build an rp relationship on

i’ve had the need since the album came out to have a ship based on against me’s song “haunting haunted haunts” i feel like it could make a pretty good plot tbh and i’m always here for angst

[sanfranciscoyoginigypsy]

11/3/17

I need to start blogging again, so much happening in my life I need to write down. Halloween, the band loco tranquilo performed and I met all the members basically, and the hot guitarist really digged me and offered to walk me home, but i said no to going home with art bc i wanted to wake up early for class, but this guy was really pushing my boundaries and basically broke down all the walls i put up. and it taught me to strengthen and follow my boundaries, if I want to or dont want to do something, its easy to speak it, but i have to DO IT. I let him push them, although i tried very hard to get my way, he ended up getting his way. But on thursday it was dia de los meurtos and i walked around garfield park by my self and felt very sensitive, i carried carlos guitar pick i made a necklace from and journeyed everywhere with him, then I went to fire ceremony which was very powerful.. I had his pick in my hand and our baby picture and at first i was having an expectation for this experience to be powerful because its supposedly the most delicate day for the dead’s realm to intervene with the living, so i wanted to sit down and spend time with my brother... even tho Craig (the drummer from loco tranquilo ) invited me to this show thing and i got ready for it and everything, but i really wanted this sacred time. and when i was meditating i realized i need to have no expectations and to just meditate and feel . and i did, and it was magical.. i felt like carlo was hugging me.. i felt some weight.. some existence on my chest.. like i was being hugged, and it was in tune with my breathing..  but so magical.. i shedded a tear.. and i had the necklace with his pick wrapped around my left ring finger bc i remember reading that there is a vain where the heart connects there.. and i felt him in my heart.. it was amazing.. and a memory of when we were both getting washed by mama bc we both had lice haha.. such a fun memory ,,but i didnt even realize yesterday was day of the dead until the day was almost over.. but it all made sense.. the night before i was really down missing him and feeling him.. and i was cleaning temple for like 1 hour and vacuumed for like 20-30 minutes bc i was just so into it.. karma yoga has really helped me.. i just thought about him and grieved very powerfully the past few days.. starring at the moon reminded me of him. anyways did kirtan anyways went to piano fight bar after dia de los meurtos anyways it was very young lots of people in there 20s and it was just a huge energetic crowd i didnt really feel like i fit in well possibly bc i dont know anyone but everyone was just so young and full of energy and i usually am around these older ppl but it was this guy kyles  bday and he had a a lot of guys play an acoustic set at the bar and then had a video premiere of his new song and it was beautiful it was so amazing so psychedelic and hippie like and it reminded me of my brother and just everything about it like the music and everything was so carlo and it made me wish curl was still alive bc everyone loved this kyle guy and he literally just reminds me of foxygen and everything this kyle guy is about and music videos and the scene and I'm just made carlo did this bc he has it all a beautiful family and not a problem in life but whatever like whatre u gonna do about it right but when i got back to the ashram thats when the learning experience came.. tarvo was outside and i was interrogating him like what're u doing outside so late and stuff and trying to walk back in and he asked if i still wanted to know what beauty is and he told me and he first asked why do i not think I'm beautiful and i said my hair and face and he said that doesn't matter, beauty is basically whats inside. he said a strong will in what i believe in and who i am is whats most beautiful. he said it comes naturally to me, I've lived with it all my life.. so its easy to ignore it and think of other things to think is not great.. he said just how ahead i am.. he likes me .. he likes our interactions.. I'm very disciplined and choose what i want in life and what i dont want and I'm good at making decisions.. thats what makes me beuaitufl he said.. and just how i am naturally.. like the things i say are so sexy.. like he said are u excited about this silent movie and i said yes I've been wanting to see something exotic lately and he said see there it is thats just so sexy to me and its just how i used the word exotic to describe a film and he said he likes my eyes bc it shows i am .. i forgot the word but its like caring about others and myself.. its a very caring word.. sincere ! and that they are sexy.. and he said a lot of experiencing things.. i said it was like i was talking to god.. he like knew why i had insecurities.. he said I'm so ahead of people my age.. i just got to pass all the heartache and pain that they will experience.. but its just such a little life I'm glad i can.. I am fucking great.. i like realize things and find things inspiring in him.. like this morning he had a book but it was a different book and its like damn this guy fucking reads a lot. like ALOT. thats probably why he has such  great vocabulary and good speaking skills. when i asked how does he have such great speaking skills he said he just feels everything and then verbalizes it.. he feels how everyone is feeling in the room then speaks.. like he said he’ll think of an orange and then sees how he feels having it around his space.. something very inspiring .. i think his purpose in my life is to inspire me , to teach me, to be  friend. bc although there is some attraction between us.. i am learning a lot from him and he is providing trmemdnous growth in my life.. I am fucking kick ass I'm only fucking 19 and he's 39 and he was saying we come from two different worlds but he likes me.. but after done talking i went in the kitchen a bit upset and confused bc its like well where do we stand i mean u said all these nice things to me and mentioned this woman of yours multiple times and its like hmm.. i spent almost two hours on karma yoga and its like well thats it..the lesson isn't in relationships.. its in the growth he is giving me.. his inspiration.. his insight.. all of it.. inspires and uplifts me.. same with jesse.. it is so hard for him to be in  my space bc i am so attracted to him.. but underneath it all.. i learn a lot from him. his vocabulary.. i want to understand him more too.. these men.. that i cant have.. they all teach me something... i guess thats why i am so attracted to them.. another thing tarvo pointed out is that wisdom never leaves.. and it is best to get it as early as i can and keep it.. and then i asked well what is wisdom and he pointed out there it goes again .. thats why he likes me .. and our interactions.. it was like a movie. two different people from two different worlds.. but our energies just click.. and our conversations are unique.. and i learn a lot.. he's out there smoking his cigarette and saying all these crazy things that only inspire me.. theres a lot more.. but in the end i am just inspired to be true to my self and do what i want in life. i want to major in music. i only have one life.. so dont waste it or my time.. who cares if i won't be some crazy performer.. ill teach it at the least.. but dammnit I'm studying something that interests me and everyone else can suck my ass. in fact. i am very intelligent. i dont want to waste time with men.. tarvo said the more i work and respect and love my self,, the better the men in m life will be.. basically the people who come into my life are kind of a reflection of me.. but damn it i do want to work on myself and be this bad ass chick. I AM A BAD ASS CHICK DAMN IT> and its inly getting better. i also thought about how i always think in the future like oh someday ill be a better speaker or oh someday ill make people feel this way about me but dammnit no its NOW. right now that is happening.. today this morning chris says he loves being in my energy.. its so laid back and honest and he said better things but i cant remember.. damn it why cant i remember .. oh I'm doing so much more for myself now.. I'm listening to my body.. I've been vegan for like a week now.. today and yesterday i kind of splurged on over eating bc i got my EBT card.. but I'm recognizing it and fixing it.. i am fucking smart. i am so in tuned and I'm writing down more how i feel about things.. Feel things.. today I've been in bed from like 3am to 6 pm and half of it was sleeping and i spent a few hours just being depressed.. thinking i have an ugly face bc of my acne and nasty hair.. i disliked it all...but i grabbed the guitar and started playing and eventually i played my feelings out.. and thought damn.. ya this is the shit i want to learn.. bc i felt it.. i felt my feelings in the vibrations.. i thought, instead of being in my head with these insecurities,, i will be creative and play music. and i fucking did. i played a shit ton of music and it sounded so fucking good. I'm the fucking best. i am sick.......!>>!!>!! i am so cool.. and when i closed my eyes i really got in tune with the vibration and the noise.. i am using my time wisely now.. i thought a few days ago why waste time with someone who is not in love with me when i can be in love with other things.. and guitar came to mind. instead of spending time with worthless men in my life.. i am learning in guitar. in fact i see myself as this ultimate bad ass who just is so tuned with herself and music that nothing else (problems) MATTER. i can totally see it. I'm getting there. I'm the fucking best man. but ya I'm sick. recognize more of how beautiful i am. last night during karma yoga i thought instead of thinking of what i am not.. think of what i AM awesome yoga bitch in san frnaicso on her own killing the fucking game I'm only 19 whats up I'm super sick