#but like with more vulgarity cuz the line literally says fuck off

[transient-winds]

This song is so Sakura coded

[cayofdreams]

Establishing the Monocracy

~(Brat!Reader x Bakugou)~

Words: 3.4k

Rating: 🌊 18+, Smut

Warnings/Tags: cunnilingus, teasing, slight degradation

Notes: I was writing this req and just got inspired cuz Bakugou. Ended up being somewhat a preface to my Down with the Monocracy (which ofc is not a req reading to enjoy this)

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“Ohhh~! Yeah baby, right there!! So good!!”

The obnoxious moaning of the actress through your phone’s speakers made Bakugou quickly turn around from his desk to glare bullets into you. You were sitting on his bed, looking nonchalantly at the events transpiring on the screen. 

The two of you were supposed to go out later to hangout with friends so you stopped by his place to kill time. Two hours of time. A normal occurrence for you considering you liked to annoy your friend-and-rival whenever you could, and admittedly his surprisingly cozy room was comfortable to just laze around in.  Usually you’d read manga while he did whatever but Mina had sent you a rather vulgar clip with the caption ‘how i hope my night ends 😝😝!!’.

“Oi! What the fuck are you looking at in my room?! Turn that shit off!” More than the fact that you were boldly watching porn in his vicinity, he was more perplexed at how you were still playing the video after he called you out. “Why the fuck are you watching that?!”

“I just don’t get it.” Scratching your head, you continued to look quizzingly at the actress’ performance. “I mean, people actually find this stuff arousing?”

“Are you just gonna ignore my question?!”

“Oh my goodness, calm down. Mina sent me a video. She’s acting like its the hottest thing ever but it isn’t entertaining at all.” You rolled your eyes before concentrating once more on your phone’s screen. 

Finding it useless to ask if it was normal for friends to send porn to each other he instead questioned just what you were looking at to elicit such a response from you.  

“What? You used to some kind of extravagant sex or some shit?”

“No. Rather what’s happening here is extravagant. Literally no one does this in real life. It’s so unrealistic.”

A million questions ran through Bakugou’s head at this moment. Why were you watching porn in his room? What the fuck kind of porn is so bizarre that a deviant like you is confused? And Jesus were to trying to start something right now? Was he literally in a shitty porn introduction and didn’t know it? 

“Fuck~!! Hyahhh!! I’m gonna cummm~~!!!”

The sounds of the video continued to penetrate through Bakugou’s room. Mentally he was annoyed at the fact that he just wanted to get ahead on some paperwork before going out and your idiocy was preventing that, but physically the boner that was rising in his pants was only more and more intrigued. The woman he’d been undressing with his eyes for longest of times was now in his room, laying on his bed, watching porn.

“I mean seriously, only an idiot could think guys do this.”

“What the hell crazy shit are you looking at??”

“That thing that’s in like every porn. Where the guy is like licking her down there. Cunnilingus, if you will.”

Bakugou raised his eyebrow at you. “You mean eating pussy?”

“Oh my god…you’re so vulgar.” Rolling your eyes, you turned on your side, back faced towards Bakugou.

“You’re the fucking one in my room watching-“ As he glanced at your figure, he wondered just what the fuck you were getting at. Were you weirdly trying to seduce him? By playing porn and then pretending as if you were inexperienced in oral sex just for his sexual interest in you to pique? Were you trying to sexually outsmart him? Bakugou chuckled as he got up and walked towards you. “You think you’re so fucking sneaky, huh?”

You felt the increasing weight on the bed as Bakugou pressed his knee into the mattress to close his torso in on you. “What?” Quirking your eyebrow and turning towards him, you pondered his sudden shift in demeanor.

“Don’t fucking play dumb. I know what you’re doing.” Bakugou gripped his fingers around the collar of your shirt, forcing you to directly face him. “Since you pissed me off, I’m not doing shit with you even if you asked nicely.” He let go of you to walk back toward his desk, slumping himself in the chair. “Pretending like guys aren’t lining up to worship your pussy with their tongue just to get me to pity you. Pathetic.”

You paused as you analyzed his mood. Clearly he was upset at you, but you didn’t have the slightest idea why. “I agree that I should be worshipped but I don’t quite understand what you’re talking about.”

Bakugou clicked his tongue and shot a glare at you. “There’s no fucking way you’re gonna sit here and tell me some loser hasn’t been down on you. Didn’t you just get out of a relationship?”

“Mmm…yeah.”

“And you fucked, yeah?”

“We had sexual relations, yes.”

“And he never went down on you?”

“No. He said it wasn’t necessary.”

“W-What?”

“Well, he said since I’m quote-on-quote, horny all the time, it wasn’t necessary.”

Bakugou knew you were a trickster of sorts, but the way you just nonchalantly talked about your bitch of a boyfriend like it was normal told him you weren’t lying. Did someone like you, the prissiest, most self-absorbed chick in the universe really date someone who wouldn’t go down on you. Fuck, did you miss out.

Or rather, the bastard missed out.

Some snobbish prick didn’t hop on the chance to make you squirm under them? The one chance they’d probably have in asserting their rightful dominance over you, and they were too fucking stupid to not take it? It’d be a lie to say that when Bakugou saw those soft plushy thighs of yours peeking out from under your tight skirts he didn’t fantasize about the dripping mess he could create underneath.

Hell, you practically put your pussy on display whenever you wore those so-called ‘athletic’ shorts that helped you move faster as you’d claim. Bullshit. As if you weren’t tempting every loser in your vicinity with those faint imprints of your pussy lips through those shorts. Fuck, if he had known the whole time you were dating that piece of shit that he wasn’t going down on you, he would’ve fucking shown you what you were missing out on.

Well he wasn’t going to make the same shitty mistake as your boyfriend.

With a small curl of his lips, he cocked an eyebrow towards you. “You wanna find out what you missed out on?”

“Huh?”

“What your shitty ex was too stupid to not do, you want me to do it?”

After taking a moment to process Bakugou’s advances, you erupted into laughter. “No way!”

“Why the fuck are you laughing?!” Here he was, practically stripping his ego away for you, and you were just going to laugh in his face? Refusing his incredibly generous offer? Nevermind the sadistic value he’d receive from having you completely fall apart under him, it was still you who’d reap most the benefits. 

You wiped a tear from the corner of your eye, trying to stifle your snickers. “Okay, and I suppose you’re going to make me scream obnoxiously like the girl in that video, are you?” You face turned from amused to stern. “Unfortunately for you, I’ve already had sex and its nothing like what’s portrayed in that silly pornography. I’m sure it’s the same for- what do you call it? ‘Going down’? So, don’t even waste my time, Bakugou.”

Bakugou chuckled at your ignorance. Not only had you not had the pleasure of your pussy being smothered by some bastard’s tongue, but he wasn’t even fucking you properly? You poor thing. Honestly, he was a little offended you were only just now relaying this information onto him.

While you were trying to go back to whatever random things you were doing on your phone before Mina interrupted you, Bakugou strode back over to his bed, this time climbing on top of it, maneuvering your thighs so that he’d be seated between them.

“Oh no, did I awaken the challenger part of you? I’ve said what I said now get off.” You tried to kick you foot at him but he caught your ankle in his grip.

“Going against your weak excuse of a boyfriend is hardly a challenge, princess.”

“Oh ho-ho, so getting me to actually feel pleasure from what-ever you’re about to do is the challenge?”

“That’s not a challenge either.”

Sucking your teeth, you hastily took off your skirt and spread your thighs for him. “Fine. You have one chance, Ba-KA-gou.”

“Tch. Just do me favor and-“ Bakugou placed your hands around your knees and further spread your thighs apart. “keep ‘em fuckin’ spread.”

Rolling your eyes, you silently complied. You weren’t shy in the least about your body but the way Bakugou was intently zeroing in on the clothed folds of your pussy made your breath a bit shaky. 

Just when you were about to say something about his odd silence you felt the soft peck of his lips on your thigh. That peck was slowly followed by another, this time slightly closer to your center. As you tried to ease your breathing each peck made you more wet than the previous. By the time Bakugou was at the lining of your panties, you were practically pooling through the fabric. Smirking at your trembling he looked up at you.

“Shy?”

“N-No! You’re just incredibly slow. I bet you’re just h-hesitating because you don’t know how to- Owwch!” Bakugou had sunk his teeth into the softness of your thighs. Not enough to break skin, but enough to make you kick your heel into his back in retaliation. “What was that for?! You brute!”

“You’re getting on me about going slow but you’ve been the one wasting everyone’s time, Y/N.” He stroked the tip of his index finger along the slit of your panties, making more of your juices spill through the fabric. “Dating some shitty asshole when you could’ve been wetting this glorious cock the whole time.” He circled his finger around the clothed hood of your clit, reveling in the broken whimpers you couldn’t help but let out. “So now I’m gonna take allll the fucking time I want. So just lay there and try to make this a challenge for me.”

Bakugou then wrapped his lips around your pussy, soaking his saliva through your panties. He wasn’t even directly touching you but the rampant motions of his hot tongue through the now drenched cloth made your hips squirm underneath him. He went back and forth from licking to sucking you over your panties, pausing when you quivered too much or moaned too loud. He didn’t want to accidentally make you cum before his main act.

Unconsciously, you had let go of your knees to glide your fingers through his spikey locks, slightly pulling him forward as if he’d be able to ghost his tongue through your panties. He looked back up at you, pleased with your erotically joyous face.

“Didn’t I tell you to keep your hands there? You’re distracting me.”

Letting out a noise somewhere between a scoff and a whine, you re-placed your hands around your knees.

“So surprisingly obedient.” Bakugou slipped his finger around the crotch of your panties, gliding his knuckle around your swelled clit. “Probably because you’re just desperate to have your pussy played with. What a slut.” He increased the pressure of his knuckle around your clit and the feeling of it made you lean your head back against Bakugou’s pillows. “How about you tell me what you want, princess?”

Regulating your breathing enough to form a sentence you rose your head again to meet his vermillion eyes. “G-Go down on me. Prick.”

“Go? Huh? Where? In a car? Fucking clarify.”

You clicked your tongue and turned your head, annoyed at his feigning. Seeing as how you’d require a little encouragement, Bakugou pressed a kiss against clothed pussy, rubbing the tip of his nose where your clit would lie directly underneath. “C’mon. You’re college educated, right? Use your fucking vocabulary.”

You slowly turned your head towards him, the twitching agitation of your eyebrows only fueling him more. “Will you perform cunnil-“

“Finish that sentence and I’m leaving.”

Not wanting to test him on that threat, you reluctantly parted your lips. “…Eat my…” Bakugou licked stripe along your completely soaked panties, stopping to wiggle the tip his tongue against where your clit would be. “Mmnnn~…my pussy...”

“What? Can you fucking speak up? You can present shit in front of a whole audience but now you’re being as quiet as a damn mouse.”

“F-fuck…Bakugou. Damn you.” Your eyes became watery at the mix of humiliation and pressing desire to be touched directly. Were you really going to soil your ego for this bag of cockiness? Surely it wasn’t worth it. Is what your mind would probably say. But right now, your pussy wore the crown. And the queen was craving attention. “I want you to- to e-eat my pussy.”

Bakugou placed another bite on your inner thigh making your body jolt. “Can’t even add a damn ‘please’ to that? I’m sure your type was taught manners.”

“Pleeaassee~ Fuck! Please eat my pussy, Bakugou!”

A small burst of laughter left him as he slapped your thigh. “Well take ‘em off, princess.”

Begrudgingly taking off your panties, a shiny string of your wetness that connected you with the fabric broke as you threw them on the floor. Reassuming the previous positioning of your thighs, your now bare pussy was left open and vulnerable to your rival.

He leaned down to hover over your pussy, his nose trickling against the hood of your clit. You were already so wet for him. Your pussy was just glistening with juices that begged for tending to. Steadying his position between your thighs he glanced at you one more time. “You better not move.” He then licked a stripe up your folds, stimulating your clit in the process.

“Hyaah~!” The feeling was too much for your somewhat-inexperienced pussy and caused you to involuntarily push Bakugou back with your feet. The annoyance of being stopped was promptly displaced with satisfaction as he peered at your pitiful form.

“What did I just fuckin’ say? Open your legs again.” His voice that was rasp with frustration didn’t match his look of sadistic gratification. You were giving him just the reaction he wanted. Did you really think your meek little pussy was any match for him? He had barely touched you and this is how you’re acting? And the fact you were still hesitating on presenting that little pussy to him again only drove him more eager to ravish you. 

“Dammit, Y/N. Do I have to do every fucking thing?” Bakugou pulled you up by the waist so that you were in a piledriver-like position, with your back arched and ass raised in the air, and of course your pussy now directly presented up towards him. The crook of your neck was nothing compared to his tight grip around your hips, the squish of your flesh plunging from between his fingers. You couldn’t even use your legs to fight against him as his grip was too secure. “All I’m doing for you, and you can’t even follow simple fucking directions.

“’C-Cuz it felt too-Hmmnngh~!” You were cut off by the ravaging of Bakugou’s tongue over your pussy folds. He went back and forth from slurping up your juices to flicking his tongue over and over on your clit. If you weren’t already embarrassed by the position you were in, the absolute filthy sounds Bakugou was making with his mouth were achieving that. “Hnnggh~Baku…Bakugou!” You tried flailing your legs around in the air but Bakugou quickly grasped them in his hands. 

He ran his nails down the silky surface of your thighs, making for a sweetly masochistic pleasure mixed with his obscene lapping at your pussy. Continuing his gorging on your sweet pussy, he could feel you shaking from below him. He looked down below at your face, chucking into your pussy at how wretchedly delirious you looked.

“Gonna cum?” You vehemently shook your head no despite the swelling you felt within your pelvis. He slithered his hands down to glide them up your shirt, lifting up your bra above your soft breasts. “Well I’m not fucking stopping until you do. So give me something to play with until then.”

Bakugou roughly kneaded at your breasts between his fingers, squeezing them to hear your pitchy whines at the pain. The mix of his saliva and your slippery essence drooled from your pussy to pool at your tummy and breasts. He gathered a bit of the mixture and slicked his fingers in circles on your nipples. The erotic feeling of it sent a surge of pleasure straight to your pussy. “Ahahnn~ Bakugou…I-I’m gonna cumm~”

He locked eyes with you, continuing to slick his tongue around your clit. “From what?” Boosting your urgency to reply, he pinched a little harder at your nipples. “Tell me what you’re gonna cum from, princess.”

“F-From you eating my pussy~! From Katsuki eating my pussy~!!” The sounds of hearing you use his name for the first time made him pink in the cheeks and twitch in his boxers. Bakugou came up from between your hips, enticed to make you say more lewd things. You were rarely one to speak vulgarly so he’d make the best of your blissed-out state.

“Ahaha-! You sound like those silly pornos!” Not thinking your face could feel even more hot, you felt your cheeks rise with even more heat at his teasing. Bakugou took one of the hands from your breasts and palmed it against your slippery folds. “You still think every guy is like your stupid fucking ex, Y/N?” He ran his palm back and forth against your slit to keep you right on the edge of an orgasm.

“Noo~! Katsuki is so m-much better! Katsuki is sooo much better than my stupid ex~!”

He chuckled at your admittance, but of course, he couldn’t leave it there. “I’m kinda the fuckin’ best, aren’t I?”

“Hmmnn~! Yesss! ~the best! K-Katsuki is the bessst~!”

“You wanna cum on my tongue?”

“Please! Please let me-! Please let me cum on your tongue, Katsuki~!”

“You better fuckin’ listen to me and stay still, then. And don’t look away from me.”

Bakugou threw you back on the bed before lying on his stomach to place himself once more at your quivering pussy. Making sure your eyes were locked with his, he enveloped your folds within his mouth, sucking directly on your clit. He not only feasted on your pussy, but on the entranced look in your eyes. Your e/c eyes that looked at him like he was the only one that could gratify your carnal desires.

And from now on, he’d be sure he was the only one.

You gripped your fingers at the bed sheets beneath you as your orgasm rapidly creeped up on you. The intensity of Bakugou’s tongue coupled with his eye contact was sending you over the edge more fiercely than any pathetic ex or cheap sex toy ever could. “Ohhhmygodd~ Fuckkk-! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! I’m-“

Forced to break eye contact with the unconscious jerk of your head back on the pillows, your pussy convulsed violently around Bakugou’s tongue. “Katsukiii~!” If you had to say, this was the most powerful orgasm you’d ever experienced. All at the hands- or tongue rather- of Bakugou Katsuki. Your ego would surely be disappointed in you choosing your pussy over it.

Bakugou slowly licked his tongue up and down your folds as you came down from your high. The corners of his lips lifted into a devious smile at your disheveled appearance. When your body finally stopped trembling, he completely separated his mouth from you and slid his body on top of yours to be face-to-face with you.

Silently, without care of you still gasping for air, he pressed his lips against yours, eventually intensifying the kiss with the slip of his tongue between your lips. Happily obliging, you glided your tongue against his as your fingers slithered up to once again fumble with his locks of hair. The taste of you on his tongue almost seemed sensual as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

Sliding his hand up to gently grip at your jaw, he separated his lips from yours, licking away the chain of saliva that still connected the two of you. As he sat upright to take his shirt off, he looked down at you, embellished with yearning to relieve his own build-up.

“Should I prove you wrong on fucking too before we hang out with those losers?”

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[gatecoeur]

jels’ comprehensive list of french swears and insults

As requested by @therxdeemxr​. Please note that I’ve catered this list SPECIFICALLY to Metropolitan French, aka the French you’d usually hear in Paris, aka the French that most people who learn French in school tend to learn. 

Most of the French-speaking world will understand these, don’t get me wrong, but some of these may be weird to hear in other French-speaking locations, such as Quebec and Louisiana, or even other parts of France for that matter, so keep that in mind if you’re using this list for a character that might’ve learned French from elsewhere. 

Also also, keep in mind that a lot of the words here may need to be conjugated to make sense, depending on what you wanna say. Unfortunately, I can’t go through all of that because French conjugation alone is a whole lesson.

Sources I used to help me compile this list (and that I frankly did a lot of copy-pasting from to help speed this up tbh) come from here, here, and here. They have more stuff than what I put in my list, but tbh some of them I’ve never heard in all my years of learning French, so take that with a grain of salt.

baiser - literally means “to fuck”. This word is one that causes A LOT of confusion for new French speakers, because depending on context, baiser also means ‘to kiss’. A great way to confuse two words, I know. Baiser can be used in the literal sense ( i.e. to refer to sex ), the figurative sense ( e.g. you could say “il m’a bien baisé” to say “he really fucked me (over)” ), and the reflexive sense of the word ( e.g. you can say  “Je me suis fait baiser”, which means “I got fucked over”. )

niquer - another word for fuck. Unlike baiser tho, it can’t be used reflexively, and is used exclusively as a verb. “Nique ta mère” (literally means ”Fuck your mother”, but is usually used in the same context as “fuck off”) is a pretty common expletive phrase to hear.

bite - dick. This word’s exclusively used to refer to the body part tho, not to describe someone as a dick.

chatte - pussy. again, only used to describe the body part. if you wanted to use pussy how we do in english, you can either use lopette, or a slightly less vulgar version, mauviette.

bête comme ses pieds - literally means "to be as stupid as one’s feet", but actually means that someone is REALLY stupid.

branler - to jerk off. 

branleur - wanker.

rien à branler - to not give a fuck

casse-toi - literally means “break yourself”, but is used to say “fuck off”

enculé/enculée - an asshole. Even tho there’s a feminine version of this word, it’s usually used for men only. It’s a very common insult.

chier - to shit. THIS IS THE MOST VERSATILE AND WIDELY-USED SWEAR WORD IN METORPOLITAN FRENCH. Common phrases include the following:

ça/tu me fait chier - literally means “that/you makes me shit”, but is usually used to say something along the lines of “that/you piss(es) me off”

je me fais chier - literally means “i make myself shit”. can be used to either express annoyance of boredom.

je t’envoyer chier - literally means “i send you to shit”, usually is a way to tell someone to shove it

c’est chiant(e) - literally means “that’s shitty”, but it usually used to say “that’s bloody annoying.”

con / conne - idiot. another very versatile word in French, because the severity of the word depends on the context in which you use it. in other words, you could easily use con / conne to mean “asshole,” “cunt,” or “twat”. Interestingly enough though, you can say “c’est con” to mean something along the lines of “what a shame”

roi des cons - this one just deserves it’s own place cuz it means “king of the idiots”

con comme une valise sans poignée - means "as stupid as a suitcase without a handle." pretty self-explanatory lol.

con comme un balais - means "as dumb as a broom." also self-explanatory lol.

connard / connasse - same meaning as con / conne, but is considered to be much harsher.

connerie(s) - mistake(s). “Faire des conneries” is a pretty common phrase, which is versatile in exact meaning but is usually used to say that someone is fucking something up. 

couille(s) - ball(s). This one you might wanna be careful with, as it can be used as a h*moph*bic slur. “Casser les couilles” is a very common phrase tho, and is equivalent to saying that you’re busting someone’s balls. You can also call somone “sans-couilles” to call them a coward.

cul - ass

trou de cul - asshole

bordel de merde - literally means “a brothel made of shit”, but is usually used as a stand-alone expletive

dégueulasse - means disgusting, but is a VERY strong use of the word. If you wanna say something is just a little bit gross, use  dégoûtant(e) instead.

debile - means “idiot”

dégage / dégage-toi - basically used in the same context as “kindly fuck off”

emmerder - literally means “to immerse in shit”, but is usually used in annoyance ( e.g. you can say “tu m’emmerdes” to say “screw you”, or you can as “je m’emmerde” to mean “i’m fucking bored” ). This word is yet another commonly used one.

emmerdeur / emmerdeuse – means “a pain in the ass”

faux cul - literally means “false bottom”, but is usually used to call someone a hypocrite or a liar

aller se faire foutre – used to either say “fuck off” or “go fuck yourself”

foutre la merde – means “to fuck up”. (e.g. “Il a foutu la merde dans sa vie” means “he fucked up his life.”)

ne rien foutre – means “to do fuckall”. Ton conjugate it, it would look like “tu ne fous rien de tes journées”, which means  “you do fuck all with your days”

je m’en fous - means “i don’t give a fuck”

merde - means “shit”. This is easily the most recognizable French swear word tbh. Can be used in a variety of ways, but is also used as a single expletive, like in English.

péter plus haut de son cul -  literally means "to fart higher than one’s ass", but is actually used to call someone arrogant

poule mouillée - literally means "wet chicken", and is used to call someone a coward

putain - literally means “whore”, but is usually used in the same context as “fuck” in English, especially as an expletive. This is the second more recognizable swear word commonly used in French across the board. Common phrases of this word include “putain de merde” and “putain de bordel de merde”. Both are used to express extreme anger, with the latter being even angrier than the former.

fils de pute - literally means “son of a whore”. Is usually used to mean “son of a bitch”, but only as an insult directed to someone and not necessarily as an expletive like it’s used in English

salope - usually means “bitch or “slut”

ta guele - VERY commonly used, and means “shut the fuck up”

tête de noed - literally means "knot face", but is another way to call someone stupid... more accurately, it’s to call someone a dickhead.

BONUS: “il a perdu les pédales” - literally means “he lost his pedals”, but is used to say that someone’s lost their mind, or is crazy. 

[grocerystoredean]

Ur buddy dba here!! Ok so my dad and sister rlly love baseball, like theres a local minor league team theyre fans of. I myself did think a home run was where the guy got back to the starting plate (actually its where they hit the ball and it goes over the wall, BUT it has to stay in the lines?? Idk i think this makes it kinda unfair to the left handed players, which there are a lot) so im not really well versed in anything sporty*. But they were going and for once i come along mostly because there was a discount on hotdogs and i fucking love tubed meat. And i noticed a lot of interesting things whilst i was there.

So there were these two guys sitting in front of us and they were pretty quiet in the first inning (each inning has TWO rounds, like each team gets to hit the ball which actually makes a lot more sense cuz its even and whatnot) but then the blue shirt guy gets a couplea drinks in him and he starts yelling at the players? Which i suppose is customary, a lotta ppl were doing it but i still found it quite rude, especially cuz the stuff they were saying was… weird. Like the bad team had the same thrower out for like 5 innings and THE ENTIRE TIME blue shirt guy yells about how tight his pants are. Which, yeah, dude was like. Baseball pants are kinda like leggings and all of these guys are. I dont wanna be vulgar but they all look really nice!! You know what i mean. Baseball pants? They’re nice! Anyway it was kinda like blue shirt guy was catcalling the thrower and im like 90% he was being homophobic somehow but he was also literally staring at another dudes ass the entire time. I think he wouldve punched me if id brought that up tho.

Ofc the mold (hit cw tv show) slowly consuming my mind wasnt exempt from this lovely family bonding experience so i was like. Damn. What if castiel supernatural were here (actually furst i thought about sam winchester a lot because he seems baseball) and then i casually tried to come up with the best stupid meet-cutes that could happen at a baseball game. I despise that the term meet-cute is something in my regular vocabulary but also it gets the point across so whatever. Lets play tumblr game: imagine ur otp. Oh no! I hit you in the face with a baseball and now you are sueing me i hope we dont fall in love :( (;)). / Its .25$ hotdog night but i forgot my quarters :( oh? You have a quarter? Well what do u want in exchange? My hand in marriage?! Ok. (Yes this one has more pornographic implications but SHHHHH. Its too easy dont take the bait) / im the mascot and ur scared of the foam creatures from hell so u drop kick me and apparently im kinda into that. / ooh im a sports announcer except i spend the entire time complimenting u instead of talking about the game. I lost my job can i stay with u plz.

I’ll stop. But fr buying someone .25$ tubed meat actually holds so much love. Mmmm hot dog. If it werent rude to take pictures of random people i think i would have a camera full of old guys who look like stan lee. There are a lot of them. I think old guys kinda go in like a venn diagram of stan lee to like. Another old man. Idk u know what i mean. That doesnt have much to do with the rest of this other than i saw an old man who looked like stan lee. Hm. This is all much less funny than it was in my head, and i feel that my revelations about baseball are most likely common knowledge thats just new and shocking to me (like when the first time i went to camp and was dissapointed to find out we WERENT sworn enemies with the camp across the lake, and therefore no team bonding or canoe racing for the future of the camp or like dance offs would be happening which i knew were unlikely but i at least assumed there would be pranks or something. Then again mine was a camp for disabled kids so i feel like any prank that was played on us could very easily become a hate crime.)

Haha this one isnt as fun as i hope i usually am nor doesit contain any dead animals but i rlly wanted to check in on u and say hi and all that and i thought the overtly sexist middle aged man who yelled at a guy for having a tight ass for like 3 hours would be a good way to do it. How’ve you been? Also. Baseball. Opinions? I think its fun and I enjoy watching it i guess but i think they should hit the ball more often cuz its way more interesting than all the throwing back and forth.

*actually i know about fencing because its the raddest sport. Swords!! Fuck yeah!!!!!!!

dba i genuinely do not know where to start in responding to this. you amaze me. you met dean winchester in the flesh. sexist objectifying men looking ass. that man was posessed by the spirit of dean (rip jackles true vessel).

also you know astonishingly little about baseball. maybe my dad loves baseball a too much amount but he knows almost all the players names on basically any team (because being insane about things is genetic. i do blame him for this blog). i think its semi boring but its not the worst sport (football is the worst) and i do watch on occasion.

now for a bit of baseball knowledge. the game actually favors lefty hitters, they're in demand, because more people are right handed and therefore more pitchers are right handed, and it's easier to hit an off handed pitch (left with right or right with left) than a same handed pitch. so if the other team doesnt have a left handed pitcher to switch in (which is very possible), the hitter could have a better chance of getting a solid hit. the foul lines on either side are pretty even, so it really doesn't harm lefties or righties. so yeah. lefties for the win!

[essu-rwby-desu]

                                          Episode 2: Uncovered  

                               -SUPER LONG POST. SPOILERS-

*There may be typos, incorrect spelling, and bad grammar due to me trying to rush this and episode 3. Bare with me plz. The amount of gifs made for this was overkill and will lighten them up in the next post. Also, I will be referring to these posts as commentary since that’s what they mostly are and not reviews/reactions. Without further ado:

-Fade in from black-

~Ah Haaa ahhh ahhh Ahhh Ahhhhhhh~

So Cinder’s still alive. Not surprised tbh because of the intro.

Wait. So you’re telling me. That the vault to one of the Relics, a vault that has a gate to another dimension, is now wide open to walk in now? Oz, how about a little bit of house keeping?  Oh I don’t know, maybe have some thicker walls or something???

Welp. That’s a shame. Another one bites the Dust. Poor lady didn't deserve that fate.

“We need to take the Relic to Atlas?”

I said it before, poor child had barely escaped now they have to go back.

Blake ready to throw Weiss under the bus LOL. I felt some snark coming from her haha.

“Ex-Heiress, actually.” That volume one throw back.

YANG IS ON BOARD THE “THROW THE WEISS UNDER THE BUS” TRAIN. Poor Weiss LOL. 

Just look at her.  ¯\_(~‿^)_/¯

The Lantern can answer any questions? Any 3 questions? So it’s like. Knowledge is power kind of thing? I guess you could say that. The Lantern’s magic is quite. Enlightening.

JESUS FUCk, NORA PLEASE.

OH MY GOD, NORA PLEASE. Your Yandere is showing.

Nora has the best characterization. So full of energy. So full of Mood.

Yang in there, Yang.

Oscar, the MVP, is on board the “Throwing People Under the Bus” Train, now featuring Ozpin.

“Do you really think Leo was the first? That he didn’t say those exact same words to me? I’m sorry, but you have to understand my behavior is backed by experience.”

I have to say Oz has it rough. Having lived multiple times only to have close allies betray him, multiple times he implies. I don’t blame him for walling himself off from others. But at the same time, his approach could be. Better? I’m not saying he should entirely trust Team RWBY, but he should really tell them all the important details of, well, everything, if he’s to lead them to stopping Salem in whatever the fuck she plans to do with the Relics.

Also shout out to Aaron Dismuke for such great voice acting on this part for Oscar/Ozpin. The way he said “Do you really think Leo was the first?” shook me.

What’s really strange about this part is that Ozpin forgot about the Relic. Like it’s very important to keep an eye on this thing right? I found it surprising that he didn’t realize he no longer had it on him for such a long time. Sure, he might have been distracted, but I feel like his priorities were kind of “Relic first” ya know?

Wtf, he’s still hiding more shit??? Oscar what are you doing.

“Her name is Jinn”? 

WHO IS “HER”? AND “JINN” LIKE A DJINN? LIKE. A GENIE?

If there was ever a time for a more mature/vulgar dialogue for Team RWBY, 

It would be, RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

 BECAUSE:

ITS. FUCKING. GENIE.

TEN THOUSSANNNNNNNDDDDD YEARRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSS CAN LEAVE SUCHA CRICK IN THE NECK. RUBY ROSE, YOU AINT NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME.

(I think this is just me but her eyes make me feel uncomfortable. I think its the lashes..??? They look SUPER huge???)

ME TOO RUBY. ME TOO.

Qrow, you don’t have to pretend to be so modest. 

So where did Cinder end up exactly? She’s still somewhere in Mistral but this looks like a very Black Market-y kind of place. Also Idk why but she looks good in those clothe- I just remembered she killed someone for them. Hm.

?????SPIDERMAN????

“Looks like your life’s savings.” “It was somebodies.”

I have to admit, that was a good line. Cute indeed.

“Little Miss Malachite”. I’ll be honest I totally forgot about the Little Miss Muffet rhyme. BUT MALACHITE. I can only think of 2 other specific twins with that last name in this show! But it might just be a coincidence... 

So. Okay. What I don’t understand is why is Cinder looking for RWBYJNR. She knows Raven is the Spring Maiden, but she doesn’t know that Raven gave Yang the Relic. Cinder was tossed off the edge before Yang even got down there. If anything Cinder should be looking for Raven since she might be the one with the Relic.

Hm but I guess if Raven betrayed Cinder, then Cinder could assume Raven was working with the opposing party. Hmm...

I get she got her ass whooped by Raven and is a bit jumpy, but Cinder, you’re basically an Avatar. You could wipe the floor with anyone in that building. It was implied that her powers got weakened after she crawled out of the water, but by how much? And was that even the Maiden’s power or her own semblance?

Information trade is a business. SO SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR CINDER.

So the first I want to bring up (with the ordering not being important) are the Malachite twins, Melanie & Miltiades Malachite. I bring this up first cuz I feel like this is the unlikely people or group looking for Cinder. Despite, again, both Little Miss and the Twins share a “last name”, I doubt they’re linked in any way. I mean one is here in Mistral while the other in Vale. The only connection the Twins would have with Cinder is Roman. And of course we see Roman’s hat fly by Cinder in the OP.

SO SECOND, which I believe is on most people’s mind is NEO. The next closest, and probably the closest person connected to Roman is probably the one looking for Cinder, since she, too, has worked for Cinder. And we don’t know if Neo actually knows what happened to Roman since she flew off the airship. And the only 2 people that might know would be Ruby Rose or Cinder Fall. And perhaps Neo has been trying to track down Ruby all the way to Mistral. But now that Ruby and the gang are leaving the continent, but Cinder is still in town, it might be easier to go after Cinder instead.

Just bring back my Neopolitan.

OKAY SO. JINN. GOD OF LIGHT. 3 QUESTIONS. But luckily, there’s 2 left. 

So, one, what the fuck Oz? Why you lying? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ALREADY BEING USED UP???

Two: WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION??? 

Three: GOD OF LIGHT??? Is this God one of the Brothers Grimm???

Again, I feel bad for Oz, but at the same time I still think he should’ve said more about, again, everything, to prevent

This. I understand keeping some deep dark secrets to yourself, but if the world is at jeopardy, then mayyybeee some of those secrets should be brought into light??? I mean look, Yang Weiss and Blake are already, and literally, up in arms. If Oz had shared more, then this situation couldve been avoided, or at the very least, diffused.

Also, Team ‘Protect Ruby Rose at ALL COSTS”

If I were Qrow, and I too, were kept in the dark, I would want to know more about everything as well. And I’m sure he trusts his niece to do the right thing.

That was quite a visceral scream.

Oz, what were you even planning to do to Ruby? Like???

Also looks like Ruby took the Red Pill cuz welcome to the fucking Matrix.

-Shameless self made gif insert- but then again arent all these gif self made?

SALEM. 

DID OZ LOCK HER UP IN THE TOWER? WHO IS SALEM REALLY?? MAY YOU SUMMON ME A CHEEZBORGER??? 

THESE ARE MY 3 QUESTIONS, JINN. PLEASE. IM HUNGRY.

Aside from answering virtually any question and granting people an AR replay, can Jinn do any other sort of magical things? Cuz if she can conjur up some food.  👌 👌 👌

[jaeyong]

this is realllllly long and just a venting post which i doubt anyone will actually read but.....anyways it has to do with idols and sex/sexuality etc....

........................

........................................................................................

I don’t usually post opinions about shit kpop fans do but this shit is so gross???LIKe????? Like ......alright I’m not a naive person by any means and I’ve heard that about western band members having groupies etc and shit but why the hell are people so cool with this shit and dismissive about the possibility fans getting treated like groups personal brothel?? (Especially with all the underage girls OMG).... Like I may say this and that member is sexy etc. and thirst over them but dear god I’d would NEVER like being seen as just some sex object that is there at some groups disposal. (also It grinds my gear how op just assumes the majority of fans would actually sleep with their idols like???) And even if it is consensual it doesn’t inherently make something okay, especially when there are power imbalances and where there is a case of impressionable young girls that might get easily manipulated by a famous persons influence ( actually it doesn’t matter the age that’s just such a sleazy thing to do.) And how is that not objectifying????LIKE HOW??? And please miss me with the  “ iF iTs a ChOIce It’s emPOwering “ bullshit because while the hypothetical situation in which a fan DID consent to sleeping with a group member is MILES BETTER than her being forced to do sexual activities without consent, it’s not inherently empowering. It’s just, at fucking  best, not the worst shit that could go down. It’s also not empowering especially when said idol/band member would have probably literally looked at a crowd , pointed at you unfazed and said some shit like, ” I want that one” , reminiscent of picking out a sex toy at some adult themed store. Honestly this is just a personal opinion but I genuinely believe that opportunistic men that use their fame to sleep with women aren’t good people.They just see women as objects (it doesn’t matter whether consensual or not) and are no different then your average misogynist fuckboy, they just have influence and might feel even entitled or smug that they might get to sleep with whomever they want because of fame.  Like I could talk about sex positiveity  for women all day but no matter how I spin it, at the end of the day I know men aren’t gonna give a flying fuck about my sexual freedom  and just see my own potential consent to  as convenient for them to get some pu**y. ( ANYWAYS this kinda feels like I went on a tangent I just wanted to address the fact that people will let anything fly when it comes to women being objectified under the guise of consent ~ ) 

Also another thing is that I find it really weird as hell whenever people talk about idols sexual habi- oh wait a minute *clears throat* , I mean HYPOTHETICAL sexual habits as if they know them and could actually decipher how they would act in a said situation out of like....them acting sexy or their personality..... AND they speak so presumptuously  and un-ironically about these things and it blows my mind. Like, for example,  just because I’m in a certain age and can act sexy for like some skit or dance doesn’t mean a person knows FOR CERTIAN any shit about my sex life, beliefs,kinks , sexual habits etc, you name it.... And what really bothers me is when ANYONE acts like they KNOW better than anyone else about ANYTHING related to an idols sexuality . By this I mean people on the extremes that say vulgar and disturbing shit like op above by talking down on people and saying fans are naive~~ and that idols probs get lots of puss*Y !!!111111 to the other end of of the spectrum where there are people  who think that oppa/unnie are innocent virgins that have never had any sexual thoughts. Both are problematic and just should stop talking about people’s sex life as if they know them.  ( and that includes obsessing over somethings sexual orientation and saying they KNOW when someone is XY or z because they fit into a stereotype....even though people like to preach that you should’t assume orientation because of these things????) 

I’ve had something similar happen to me and I can tell you that 1. They were dead fucking wrong about their assumption and 2- It felt invasive as hell and made me uncomfortable, plus....... even if they were right it just feels really off-putting having someone MATTER OF FACTLY talk about something sexual related to you as if they know shit about you ,when they don’t.

Lastly, I wanted to point out this bad habit of kpop fans projecting onto their faves all these things related to sexuality. I’m really bad at explaining this but it goes beyond just thirsting on their faves ...., it goes into territory that seems really objectifying to me where sometimes a fandom will push this narrative (im not sure if I’m using the right word) or characterization of an idols personality just to suit their sexual fantasies or wishful thinking. I’ve seen this in fanfiction and from personal experience have been in a fandom that distorted an idols image to suite this hyper-sexualized cute UWU baby boy that is simultaneously infantilized ( which is wierd and ANOTHER topic for another day....) and it really disturbs me to the point where I can’t look at some of said idols material in peace. And I know I’m not making a mountain out of a molehole when it comes to associating how fandom chooses to collectively present an idol via fiction (especially sexually) because it does have an effect on reality. Like there has been actual studies on how fictional portrayal can affect reality ( i saw a post but i don’t have a list/links.) Also I’ve legitimately seen people say shit like “ I thought x member was like *insert personality trait* because of how he was portrayed in fan-fiction but found out that he is an actual sweetheart irl” and other things to that extent. Also posts joking around how so and so are portrayed like “x” in fanfic when they are actually ‘different’ in reality. It just makes me think that it’s really telling on how how a lot of times people will use idols as these characters that they can project their kinks on and sexualize and how much indulgence i see in this is iffy.  

( and now this is just extra and shady as hell ngl and just some thought I’ve had....but I also  always find it interesting how people on this site will talk shit about fuckboys saying they ain’t shit etc but then project that very same fuckboy image that they say they hate on some random ass idol JUST because X idol ACTs flirty and confident for fan-service like??? and its even all the more interesting considering how idols mostly have this wholesome/pure~~ image but kpop fans like taking that and doing the most, just completely deconstructing it  ... bonus points if the ones projecting the fuckboy image onto an idol are also the ones telling and insisting to other fans they are stupid for believing  that idols are pure~ Like why do these type of fans latch onto kpop idols that as a whole have a “clean” image just to do the complete opposite and insist otherwise??? Like I makes me wonder... if male kpop idols DIDN’T have a nearly squeaky clean image from the get go, would they have spent all this time fawning over them??? and projecting this “ X idol is secretly a fuckboy sexual fantasy” the way the do now?? Like why do people get so ecstatic over the idea of idols being fuckboys when they could just like ....entertain the average ass that they probably have dealt with in  in their daily lives???) 

(anyways this turned long but these thought are all connected somehow but my another reason for typing this is because if fans are just there to just potentially fuck idols it kinda reinforces the idea that idols are just famous because teenage girls go ape shit over heartthrobs or whatever and not like , cuz the idols are talented and people enjoy there performances???? also the whole standing in line for the opportunity to fuck an idol just goes hand in hand with the whole being a fan that thinks they have a chance to date their idol and is delulu ( actually this is worse yuck).... and i definalty wouldnt want people looking at me like I only enjoy kpop cuz i want my favs dick because kpop fans get viewed in a bad light already.....

[afterspark-podcast]

Panty and Stocking:  Trans-homers Transcript

Episode

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

[Unintelligible TV noises play faintly in the background]

O: Who’s the big the horny guy anyway?

S: His name is Sideways.

[Intro Music Plays]

O: Hello everybody! Welcome to our April Fool's Special on the Afterspark Podcast. As always, I'm Owls!

S: And I'm Specs.

O: And today we've got a real legit content warning for y'all cause today we're doing a Transformers spoof homage, in the form of the Panty and Stocking episode, Trans-Homers. Now I know I normally curse like a sailor here but if you--if you've not heard of Panty and Stocking allow us to give you a bit of a description. It is an incredibly crude anime staring two angels who smite ghosts in order to gain entrance back to heaven. Now without context that doesn't sound so bad, but it's definitely like, an M rated cartoon because there's fucking...well [sigh] fucking everywhere.

S: Yeah.

O: Among a slew of other crude humor and in this episode we have something that is...somehow, both literal and metaphorical screwing so, like not safe for work at all, alright?

S: Not safe for work, not safe for your home and definitely, definitely not safe for your kids, okay?

O: [laughs] Yes, we will not be held responsible.

S: Yeah...

O: And with that massive disclaimer out of the way, don't worry, we will be back in two weeks with a regular episode, but for today--on with the show! Also, uh, just as a note we are watching the English dub not the Japanese subs, just an fyi. I swear to god the English is somehow dirtier than the Japanese version.

S: They saw opportunities for puns and dirty stuff...

O: They saw opportunities, and they took them!

S: Yeah. We open with a decent impersonation of the original Transformers’ narrator describing a setup that sounds...oddly familiar. Almost suspiciously familiar.

O: [laughs] You know it's probably something you've heard before. Complete with Bayverse-esque title transformations.

S: Um-hmm.

O: And IN SPACE we see two warring factions are rocketing towards Earth.

S: We open in the church, where Panty and Stocking live along with their caretaker, Garterbelt and their dweeby, sort of Ghostbuster, uh, themed sidekick(?), Brief.

O: Yes, everyone is named after undergarments, we warned you.

S: Yeah, um-hmm. Brief is apparently praying that Panty and Stocking will stop fighting like he's--he's beseeching Garterbelt or something.

O: [laughs] I think he's trying to beseech God but, uh, it does mean he's kind of kneeling in front of Garterbelt. Yes, there is a joke made there. Um, Panty and Stocking meanwhile, are continuing to fight in the background while all of this is happening.

S: What are they fighting over? I just don't know and I'm not sure I care.

O: [coughs] I don't know if they ever say, I think they might be calling each other names but that's about it?

S: Yeah, I don’t--I don’t know.

O: Suddenly, two meteors crash through their ceiling and we are introduced Cocktimus Prime and Minge-atron. Minge is apparently a vulgar term for vagina. Well I learned a word today!

S: So did I! So did I...um.

O: We will just be calling him Megatron from here out. Uh, he was Femitron in the original Japanese and Cocktimus was Masculimus. Masculamis? [His full name was Masculimus Surprise.]

S: Masculimus.

O: And do you see what I need about the English version?

S: They saw opportunities.

O: And they took ‘em!

S: [quietly] Pardon me. Regardless, their designs appear to have been based very, very loosely on their Bayverse designs. And by, “loosely” we mean Cocktimus’ head totally lives up to his name if you--if you know, you get my drift.

O: Yes. [laughs] It's exactly what you’re thinking. Regardless, Brief is super fucking excited. He also makes the mistake of thinking giant alien robots are the answer to his prayers to make the girls stop fighting.

S: They’re not, they’re totally not. Um, so apparently these giant robots’, uh, hearts or spark equivalents or whatever, are outside their bodies and they...honestly look like weird sugar candy things. I don't know.

[They’re actually these, according to our sound editor! French Marshmallows with Rose and Chocolate.]

O: And Stocking, being a sugar fiend thinks it looks like candy, uh-huh. And eats it!

S: [laughs] Apparently she thinks it's tasty and I mean that is some vore right there!

O: [laughs] The more we talk about this show, the weirder it gets…

S: Yeah!

O: So naturally eating this causes Stocking to turn into a robot.

S: Yeah, a very G1-esque, uh, Megatron robot.

O: Called Gothatron Stocking. I love it.

S: Like, she has sort of longish hair but her helmet looks like Megatron's helmet in blue with like, pink highlights.

O: Eh, cause that's the color of her hair.

S: Yeah...she has a very Megatron face. Panty totally thinking this is the most a badass thing ever decides to have a go and..eat Cocktimus’ heart.

O: The Megs analog even expresses his disbelief but this is all happening and I don’t blame him!

S: And Panty’s reaction is that it tastes awful.

O: Heh, she doesn't like sweets so this isn't much of a surprise.

S: [Sigh] So both robots totally, you know, fall to scrap just, you know fall to pieces. Except their heads are totally intact and you know, conscious of everything happening so they can provide commentary on the a--the madness of the events that unfold.

O: [laughs] Uh, Panty transforms into a Rodimus Prime analog as Rotten-Ass Panty.

S: Yeah, I totally did not catch that as a Rodimus Prime analog--

O: [laughs] I didn’t--

S: --when I first watched this.

O: I didn’t either, I didn't catch it till this time. Um, and I just have to say I love the writing for the narrator as he does not seem to know how to reconcile what he's reading with the madness that's happening on the screen.

S: The narrator is the only sane man.

O: The narrator is the only sane man in this! Panty goes to her room and transforms a bunch of her things into more Autobot analogues.

S: Including, but not limited to--a stuffed bull’s head on her wall and a package of condoms.

O: An entire package of condoms! [laughs]

S: Yeah, so there's like three teeny, little transforming condom bots.

O: Condom bots!?!

S: Yeah.

O: Also, the Autobot [and] Decepticon logos are represented here as a pair of panties and some stockings. They're even doing the logo scene transitions like from the original G1 cartoon.

S: They’re even airbrushed!

O: It's very good.

S: Um-hm, and on the Stocking’s room as she also goes about about creating a bunch of bots from her possessions only this time with Decepticons.

O: Highlights here include Sugarscream, our Starscream analog who transforms from a….strawberry, and a giant transforming dildo.

S: Yeah...yeah. The two sides begin fighting in incredibly petty ways.

O: First of which, Panty takes over the kitchen in an effort to keep Stocking away from her beloved sweets. This fails as apparently Stocking has already eaten everything in the fridge.

S: Like, there literally--swords come out of the fridge, impaling several of Panty’s, uh, people.

O: [laughs] Pantybots!

S: And then the door opens and Stocking and a number of her followers like, come out. So I'm mostly just wondering if the fridge is--has like a subspace extension or something? And, uh, next Panty takes over the bathroom, to I don't know--piss off Stocking? Yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: The Stockingcons thwart this by wearing err, um...diapers. And then shooting Panty when she exits the room to try and find out why Stocking isn't knocking on the door demanding to be let in.

O: Uh, so it is kind of funny, uh, their Soundwave analog in this even pays homage to the whole Decepticon logo being Soundwave’s face kind of thing, uh, as his face here is based on the Stocking logo instead. Meanwhile back at the Pantybot headquarters a hot new bot shows up and catches Panty’s fancy.

S: [sighs] No, no this is not Brave Police J-Decker though it is doing an extremely cunning impersonation.

O: [chuckles] Panty yells that they're gonna train and drags her hot new boy-toy in the closet to SCREW. Remember when I said both literally and figuratively? Well here we are!

S: Yeah...god, it’s not even a metaphor.

O: Uh, nope--it is literal!

S: And then boy-toy reveals himself to be a Stockingcon in disguise. Like...I don't know his chest transforms then his face does a total switch around to like a zombie face or something--

O: [laughing] It looks horrifying!

S: And attacks Stocking [Correction: Panty] by being a literal suicide bomber and exploding.

O: Um-hmm.

S: Like, they literally call that out in the episode.

O: Yup. Meanwhile, back with Stocking, Soundwave analog gets actual lines and we get a Laserbeak who basically just looks like someone shoved a Stockingcon logo on the front of a regular crow. Yes, this amuses me.

S: We also get a look at the Seekers here cuz there are in fact two others aside from Starscream.

O: Or Sugarscream.

S: Or--yeah, Sugarscream.

O: [laughs] I don’t think we ever get to hear their names though, which is a bit disappointing.

S: Yeah, and honestly I'm really disappointed that they didn't do different fruits for all of them like you know a blueberry for Thundercracker, or a boysenberry for Skywarp or something but, nah, no, they're all strawberries.

O: So the fighting goes on for a long time between these two groups as we see a montage of different scenes, some of which seem to be referencing other different scenes, uh, from Transformers media.

S: Or just war movies in general? I don’t know.

O: Or, yeah.

S: Who knows? Though there's definitely that call-out to, uh, the [original Transformers] movie.

O: Yeah.

S: And we also see that somehow Stocking has gotten a hold of a Devastator analogue, yeah.

O: We cut to the final battle between the Stockingcons and the Pantybots. Some highlights from the Stockingcons include:

S: Stocking’s helmet? Hair? Now looks like a reference to Galvatron as she has three spikes sticking up her--out of her head now like, like Galvatron's weird like, spiky helm?

O: Kind of like Galvatron’s helmet.

S: Yeah.

O: They have a Kremzeek! Uh, he's blue instead of red but still this was a detail I was not expecting to see here?

S: Yeah, like I didn't see him until we went back to see--like double check that scene.

O: Yeah, and then I was like, that is Kremzeek.

S: And Stocking’s dildo bot seems to have survived.

O: Good for him???

S: Oh that placement, oh god.

O: [laughs] We also have one robot that's basically just a giant head.

S: I-I feel like the weird head/body robot is prob--might be a Gurren Lagann reference, but I don't know.

O: And I mean it would kind of make sense. Regardless, on the other side some highlights from the Pantybots are:

S: There's a Rack’n--well what I'm guessing is a Rack’n’Ruin reference, cuz there's a weird train dude with two heads but that is...he doesn't--aside from the two heads he doesn't really have a whole lot in common with Rack’n’Ruin. Maybe? I don't know. And some Dinobots! I'm glad for the Dinobots.

O: Me too.

S: [Sigh] Oh god, and the condoms have also survived...maybe? They--they seemed like they were kind of--one of them was stuck on the end of the gun so I'm not sure whether that counts as alive?

O: Joy. [laughs] So as the fighting begins we get to see a few more references to other Transformers media or just you know shit that's completely fucking ridiculous. Uh, one of our favorites was, one guy turns into a cassette and is immediately run over by one of his allies.

S: Yup, and you know that scene in the movie where Optimus is like, he's arrived from Cybertron and he's making his, you know, badass run to--er, badass drive to wherever it is, and he runs over someone and then does this sort of jumping leap thing where he, like, blasts out of his alt mode and flies majestically across the screen, doing a badass flip in slow motion and shoots Thrust? [laughs] Yeah, Panty honest--Panty totally does that with an Ironhide analogue.

O: We also get some ridiculous Transformers, with a Ratchet analog turning into a flying desktop PC and another Transformer who should definitely turn into a car, like, his entire chest is definitely a car cab, instead turns into a Grimlock analog.

S: Yeah, he just sort of looks like he convulses into a green t-rex.

O: I don’t--I don’t think he was green? [Specs is correct, he is green!] But he turned into him t-rex--regardless he definitely turned into a t-rex.

S: Yeah.

O: Not a car like he clearly was supposed to!

S: And then Brief finally wakes up like, when we first see him it looks like he's in a regular area and then he wakes up and pulls out and it's just the one regular area.

O: Yeah, like, behind him is a regular wall but everything beyond that has been turned into metal and shit.

S: Yeah.

O: Because he's still in the chapel, which is basically taken over by the Pantybots as their base.

S: Yeah, he’s apparently been asleep this entire time.

O: Which begs the question of, Jesus Christ guys!

S: How long has this been!?! And god, can he sleep like the dead?

O: Apparently! So Brief wakes up, and he pep talks Cocktimus and Megs into stopping the battle between Panty and Stocking.

S: Which apparently means combining into a giant ghost and destroying humanity.

O: Of course it does!

S: You know, like you do.

O: Like you do. Meanwhile, [in] the background--Garterbelt has clearly been doing some EXTREMELY QUESTIONABLE THINGS with the Tracks analog!

S: Yeah...and Garterbelt lectures the girls for not realizing that this um, alien ghost thingy? Well, the giant thing that is now attacking them is an alien ghost created from the resentment of this, uh, the self-destructing race of alien robots who are already dead.

O: That killed themselves because of a war on their planet.

S: They've been alive since four years after the start of the universe or whatever.

O: Four years sinc--four years after time began.

S: Or that they’ve been fighting since after--

O: Four years after time began. Panty and Stocking inexplicably transform from robots into their regular angel battle outfits. I.e. they’re back to looking humanoid now--er, like humans now instead of mecha.

S: And we got--so we got to see like, a fancy, you know, the fancy hyper-realistic art of Panty as a robot.

O: Yeah, but we didn’t get to see Stocking.

S: Oh, yeah.

O: So when they transform they--they like--the most the style of this show kind of looks like the Powerpuff Girls crossed with an anime.

S: It's super--it’s like, super deformed.

O: Yeah, it’s super deformed but whenever they do their transformation sequence it's like full on anime and shit so they did that--

S: Hyper-realistic.

O: It’s not even hyper-realistic most of the time but--

S: Hyper-stylized.

O: Hyper-stylized, and, uh so we got to see Panty in that, with her robot form but we didn't get to see Stocking--it's so sad.

S: Yeah, it makes me said because I would have liked to have seen not the--

O: Gothatron Stocking? [laughs]

S: Yeah. [sighs] and they completely obliterate the ghost and the episode ends with our poor abused narrator probably--probably you know going off to get himself a stiff drink.

O: He deserves it, he's earned it.

S: Yeah, like he would.

O: So, some fun trivia, uh, from the end of this episode. Apparently, in the original Japanese the VA’s for Cocktimus and Megs were the original G1 VA’s for Optimus and Megatron in Japan. I was internally screaming when I read about this because so badly I wish I could have seen a version where they had gotten Peter Cullen and Frank Welker to reprise their roles in the English dub.

S: I’d feel really bad for them but it would be entertaining--it's just, it would be contrary to their brands.

O: Yeah, but I still would have loved to see it. Regardless, uh, so what is the final verdict on this weird ass spoof? Um, so for me if I just have to express that for such a short cartoon there was just so many Transformers references crammed in all over the place here.

S: It's very vulgar, very high action, and very funny and just--you could tell that they really loved Transformers or at least whoever was in charge of it was really intent on having all of those references.

O: Right, like clearly somebody getting what they were doing when they did it, um, it's safe to say we both found a pretty damn hysterical but depending on your smut tolerance you may find it distasteful. Which I think I just summed up the entirety of the Panty and Stocking anime. [laughs]

S: It also depends on your sense of humor.

O: Yes, your smut tolerance and your sense of humor. Regardless, uh, this is the end of our April Fool’s Special we will not be recommending fanfic or fan art today because we didn't want to like accidentally insult somebody by recommending you know this episode with all this other questionable shit.

S: Yeah, just you know cause, offense or anything. I mean I could have come up with something for fanfiction but it was just like I don't want to recommend something M rated or you know just completely fluffy to go with this--

O: [laughs] With THIS!

S: --train wreck of a...

O: I don’t even know if I’d describe this as a train wreck. It knows what it is it's just reveling in what it is!

S: Yes, but it's like a train wreck of vulgarity--

O: [laughs]

S: --compared to what--

O: Point taken!

S: --compared to what generally Transformers is, which is a trainwreck of goofiness.

O: It's true, very true. Regardless, we will be back in two weeks with a normal episode--we will be back to normal. Um, I personally really rather enjoy it when uh, people do kind of April Fool's silly things not like, “haha we fooled you,” but we're going to do something that's completely against brand, because it's fun so hopefully this was fun for you guys as well?

S: Yeah, we’ll see about coming up with something...for like, next April Fool's too. I had several ideas and you had several ideas.

O: I had several ideas! So we'll see what we come up with.

S: And that just about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out at Tumblr or Pillowfort at Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod, all one word and Soundcloud, Stitcher and Youtube at Afterspark Podcast. You can also find us on AO3 by searching for Afterspark Podcast. Till next time, I'm Specs!

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles!

O: And Happy April Fool’s Day folks.

S: Yup!

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