#but like the quiet passion and... idk how to describe it besides the capacity for terrible-ness

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

[heartonthejindow]

what was your first thought of the tannies individually (as far as you can remember)? and what do you think of them now?

oh i remember vividly what my first impressions were. putting this under the cut because i don’t know how to shut up <3

joon: i thought he was very pragmatic and maybe a little too buttoned up. this impression lasted abt as long as it took me to watch an episode of run bts. now i think he is an amazing human being with a neverending capacity to learn and grow and an incredible grasp on describing very vulnerable and genuine experiences in words and lyrics. he also places so much importance on the relationships he has with people, he could so easily be a cynic the way many people with his level of intelligence are, but he genuinely believes so deeply in love and compassion and what humans owe to each other. he’s really just. the person i’m most grateful for

seokjin: i thought he was hilarious and soooo confident and sooo extroverted. i don’t think many armys realize the depth of his personality even when they’ve been here for a long time. now i think he is beautiful, inside and out, has the absolute biggest heart on planet earth, and a chronic allergy to leaving people out. the compassion with which he operates in the world is soooo inspirational, especially knowing how introverted he really is.

yoongi: i thought he was quiet and thoughtful, introverted, passionate. he was the one i resonated with the most instantly. now he’s my baby. now when i think about yoongi, it’s like a rush of warmth goes through me. not to be gay and emo but he feels like home to me. i literally don’t know how else to describe what he means to me like i truly think he’s one of my soulmates i was meant to find him

hoseok: hobi was the first member who ever caught my eye! i remember thinking he was so cute and so funny and so insanely TALENTED. his star power is palpable from miles away. i realized pretty soon that i thought he was my bias initially because i saw so many videos and clips of him making my actual bias, yoongi, smile and laugh like he had no cares in the world. it was amazing to me that he could make yoongi light up like that. now i think hobi is so smart, practical, disciplined, and passionate. i think he sets clear goals and knows how to meet them. i also think he is one of the warmest and kindest people you will ever know of.

jimin: oh my jiminieeee. i loved him instantly. how can you not? idk how to describe my first impression of him besides “a spark.” he just lights up any room he walks into, is the most beautiful and sweet person in any room, has the loveliest disposition and a face to match. i used to think he was ruled by emotion, and then i found out that we share a sun and moon sign. now i think of jimin as a romantic, definitely, but one who rationalizes all his emotions and can clearly articulate where his thoughts and emotions and reality are separate. idk if this makes sense to you guys but it makes sense to me. jimin, to me, feels like an extension of me because of all that we have in common lol

taehyung: tae was the hardest one to pin down for me at first. there was something about him that i just thought was so interesting but… inaccessible? unattainable? he’s of course a beautiful man, but it was more his mind that i was curious about. now i think that tae has a deeply profound mind and a very unique and romantic view of life and love. he now feels, to me, like the kind of person who will put himself first, not out of selfishness or greed, but because he knows that he cannot show up fully for the people he loves if he doesn’t show up fully for himself first.

jeongguk: googie has had the softest spot in my heart from the start. his pretty doe eyes and bewildered expressions that i remember from compilations i watched early on are still qualities of his that i hold very safe and warm in my heart. at first, i’ll be honest with you, my heart broke for him. i became an army in 2019 and i don’t want to really get into it, but there was a lot going on with guk at the time. in the face of all that he was going through, he was so constantly apologetic and guilt-ridden about living his own life the way he wanted to. now i am SO beyond happy that he seems to have moved far beyond that mindset. he values himself so much more now and has grown into such a self-assured man and it makes me so so SO elated. i think he has the most beautiful heart (how could he not? he grew up around 6 hyungs with the biggest hearts) and a mind that is constantly working on itself. google is my babie.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primez!

hell yeah thankyou!!! [2, 5, 17 been answered]

(3) maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i’m that theatre gay who’s never Really been in any theatre production. and there was an archery place like 10 min from where i grew up and i was like “ooh archery how cool” b/c i’m a gay but never tried it

(7) amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

hardly unheard of but i Don’t Like the approach to astrology that ppl have been getting in the past few yrs like. the Joke someone on twitter had that we’re like, on the verge of some astrological discrimination lawsuit……..and idk ppl get like pseudo-christian-style Smug about it like, don’t apply this to everyone??? and it’s just strange to like. tell people what they’re like. or explain their characteristics via this really strange westernized vague concept of astrology rather than like, tell me about the life experiences that affect the way that you are. like it’s almost condescending and ppl are being way too serious about it sometimes in (see: the on the verge of the lawsuit thing lol)…..anyways and i guess some of my Killjoy tendencies make me like, haha i’m the Hater b/c idk i’m real opinionated. but a lot of the times it’s not Really b/c i hate other’s joy or some shit, it’s just crap along the lines of like, “these ideas abt love which are meant to be Very Romantic actually strike me as being the Less ideal interpretation of love between people and the potential therein? and colder? and unhealthier / more unpleasant / not as nice / etc etc etc as my ideas on romance which i guess seem like i’m wanting to just shoot down some Lovely Concepts but i’m like. that doesn’t seem lovely. i’m on the very of launching into another essay abt Isolation Isn’t Romantic and Romance As Very Human And Ordinary And Even Mundane Seems A Lot Better Than The More ~Magical~ Approach and did i mention romance should be the Opposite of isolating and yet it’s so taken for granted sometimes that you’ll know it’s True Love when you [bass boosted DIE FOR EACH OTHER] and stop giving a shit about anyone but this one other person and etccccccccc [me screaming for hours]”

and a lot of times things that i guess are would-be Cute / Charming / Wholesome / Positive / Etc start to grate on me if i have to see it too much and i’ll probably end up hating or resenting it but like, not because i hate happy stuff, but b/c it just like. is like, i like things to be Genuine, and it will just feel like this is Performing genuine…ness………..which i don’t like. b/c it’s being Not genuine to try to appeal on the grounds that it’s genuine? yknow. which also extends into the realm of “i hate this Cute music over this cute animal video. don’t tell me how to feel about it” and when something tries to be Surprising in the realm of like, pseudo-dissonant like. oh this is a cute harmless white girl on the ukulele but she just said “fuck” and “std’s” or some crap!!! whaaaaaat!!!!! like, i hate this actually? can i die

i could give a ted talk just showing vines that make it into plenty of people’s compilations and being like “this is why this vine is Not Funny (Enough)” 

(also i do sometimes hate Having Fun. doge speak was so awful. of Course gop congress adopted it briefly in its original heyday. even now i hate the derivatives. i’m not about to rb something that contains the word birb. can i die)

also i think star wars is boring. i think cargo pants are fun and fine. 

(11) orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

we get confirmation that any Winston Footage is filmed for billions s5. soph i know that like, fitting in almost 3 hrs of subway travel / going into nj and back / probably having to do all this on a weekend / having like a 5 second window maybe makes it difficult but we all agree it’d make another epic gamer moment if you got to see lihn

(13) bonfire - describe your dream house.

lol being in my teenz in 2008 i haven’t thought about it much tbh. i think i’d like a pretty cozy (smallish) bedroom and just a lot of physical Niches yknow. i like to frequent very specific spots which are not too out in the open. and really everything would be kinda Cozy Smallish but not the kitchen. get some space there, and like, raised counters like for julia child being 6′2″ b/c Standard Height is not comfortable for me either at my tender 5′11″ or 6″ness. and i always think that those sitty spaces that are like, Depressed into the floor are fun. i know there’s a word for that, but whatever. there’s a bunch of very disparate color schemes i’d think i’d like, so like, idk if i’d just go for totally different Aesthetic Approaches from room to room to try to cover all of them lol

(19) pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i mean i think it’s more important to recognize that anyone is entirely capable of Doing good or bad, and arguing about what they Truly Are In Their Hearts is beside the point. but i also think the idea that like oooh if Polite Society crumbles enough we’ll all just be roving in bloodthirsty packs, looking to kill each other and loot / probably eat the corpses, etc etc ~dark gritty bold~ apocalyptic material that’s like wow yeah that’s really confronting the Uncomfortable True Nature of society. like, capitalism is already a brutal and inhumane situation to exist in, but it’s not some emergent expression of Human Nature like, oh, life is just like this, empty and alienating and unfulfilling unless you [physical violence b/c it is Genuine], or that people would turn on each other if we were in survival mode, like…..no. survival mode always entails helping others to survive like. yeah not for necessarily Every individual? but that’s just more of anyone’s capacity to Do good or bad. but humans as a species are not solitary, we’re social b/c that’s how we all exist in relation to each other, society is innate to us and not some Luxury that distances us from our True Natures. we communicate with each other and want to work together even beyond helping each other survive and want to connect to each other and total / imposed isolation is Bad for anyone. and i think that love and altruism are Human Nature too. like, it’s weird when it’s treated like some evolutionary mystery why humans (or individuals of other species) would exercise altruism and/or self-destruction (or the risk of it) for the sake of others? like “but it doesn’t make sense b/c for us survival means Passing On Genes, we protect ourselves and our ability to exist and procreate, and we protect those most genetically similar to us, down the line to favoring your most distant cousin over a random stranger,” etc etc What A Mystery Why We Are Altruistic!!! but it’s not?? like? we don’t just see ourselves as individuals and we recognize the self in the other, and that we are all just Arbitrarily the self that we happen to be, and are all The Other to everyone else’s Myself…..and why would humanity not Preserve itself beyond just individuals looking out for just their individual existence? we just like. don’t only prioritize the preservation of our own genetic code. why should it be a less Survivally Successful approach for any individual to look out for any other individual? of Course we give a shit about other randos who don’t have any familial or even any other personal connection to us at all b/c we just care about the survival of other humans. 

anyways! no yeah so i think that Love and Altruism are intrinsic human nature. like creativity and communication. we aren’t like, always doomed to destroy each other b/c That’s Humans For You. denying the humanity in others inherently requires actually just reducing one’s own humanity, yknow??? re: human nature anyways. i know we’re all still technically human regardless of how we act. and that the self-destructive destruction of others is a feature of humanity, but i don’t think it’s one which is Inherent or Inevitable. i.e. the Self-Destruction thing. capitalism is out here threatening everyone’s existence and just so happens to require placing the Wealthy Few above the worth of the lives of all the rest, who are the cheap labor force rather than Just As Human as the richest. anyways. mostly Good! but the point is still that anyone can do Bad regardless so like, who cares if you have some good in your heart, bitch we all do.

(23) ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

still a bit effed up on missing the theoretical concept of an in-person group of people who are consistent in genuinely enjoying / being enthusiastic about time spent with you. one reason it’s theoretical is that i’ve never Really had a whole in-person friend group exaactly. and it’s theoretical b/c idk, it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable Being Myself around others and like, i like being in groups as a rando amongst strangers really easily, but if it’s like, we’re all in a group and talking and stuff, i can just go into [stifled mode] real easily, idk, it’s hard to say whether the times i’ve been Uncomfortable in groups like that is just like, it not being the right people, or that i just will always like smaller groups or just one-on-one or smthing i dunnooooo. either way i get depressed about Wouldn’t It Be Nice though so idk? i guess i would still ideally seek it out. but i also can’t feel like i can actually expect this to happen. on a related note i forgot to mention Briony Atkins as this minor character who is very like me in being someone who is outwardly v withdrawn and quiet and comes across as not speaking b/c she has nothing to say but in reality she’s a passionate and boisterous person who just rarely shows / expresses it around others. i’m out here never talking (and getting the chance to talk aloud and it’s like a mile a minute all at once trying to compensate) and being pretty quiet and people get surprised when i have An Opinion even though i’m super opinionated lol and i just find it really hard to be myself around others unless i’m operating completely on my own and beholden to no one, but even then. anxious