#but like idk i was at a party a few months ago and the series came up as being on a lot of ppl's tbrs who like

[kingjasnah]

you know i gotta admit i didnt expect stormlight to get more popular. or rather mainstream? as the page count increased

[hyunjins3rdleg]

Returning The Favor

I’ve had this on my brain for 2 days and needed to get it out. Maybe yall will think it’s cute too idk lmaoo <3

Pairing: Model!Hyunjin x Assistant Fem! Reader

Warnings: cursing maybe, and I didn’t proof read it lolll *SFW*

WC: 1k+

It’s always Y/N taking care of her spoiled brat client but what about the times when that sweet boy takes care of her when she needs it the most?

Series Masterlist here

When you’re sick he’s making sure you’re not neglecting your health by focusing too much on him. Do you have your medicine? Cough drops? Have you been refilling your water bottle at an appropriate time? Oh, you’re cold? He’s bundling you up in a heated blanket like a little burrito and wiping the snot from your nose if he’s got to just so that you don’t have to unbundle yourself.

Dealing with his schedule AND him definitely gives you headaches so he takes it upon himself to give you shoulder or head massages if it seems to bother you more than usual. These were his favorite moments because it was the rare times he’d have full permission to touch you without fighting for his life with his fist up in defense.

You’re on your period? Oh, he’s at your beck and fucking call! Heating pad on your stomach, your favorite candy or snacks near your hands at all time, and for once the boy is actually quiet. He finds time to paint or game silently in the other room to let you have your alone time, and the best part? He manages to handle his schedule and food all on his own without a single question. His parents would be so proud!

There was this one instance where he insisted on washing your hair for you when you were severely jet lagged. It was an insanely busy week for the two of you with back to back photoshoots, private parties, and God knows how many meetings about potential projects. You’d flown to three different cities in the span of 7 days and to say you were both sleep deprived was an understatement. You’d remember commenting on your head killing you and how tired you were but unable to fall asleep when he’d gotten the bright idea to wash your hair. Of course that was a cure all! So there you were, entertainingly laid across the counter of the hotel suite you’d booked with your head resting in the sink as he massaged away, humming a sweet tune. You slept like a baby with your hair towel wrapped turban style afterwards.

On the rare occasions when his schedule’s completely free and yours aligned up with your friends, you’d have a well deserved girls night out. Most of these nights ended with you yapping about God knows what as Hyunjin prepared you for bed, a duty he’d given himself to settle his own nerves. There was just one instance months ago where you commented on how the uber driver accidentally took a wrong turn and joked about being kidnapped. Now, Hyunjin can’t sleep until he’s picked you up himself and safely returned you back into your shared home where you belong. He was always the perfect gentleman when you were drunk too, that was one thing you could remember the few times you weren’t blackout drunk. He always watched where his hands landed, he turned his back to you when you got undressed for bed, and he would hum politely in response as you talked his head off no matter the conversation, patting your head goodnight as he left you be for the night.

He knows if you get too focused that you may forget to eat. So, there are many times where he’d show up with a grin and your favorite food, plopping them on your desk and having a seat either on the floor or in a chair beside you if one was available.

Hyunjin had a fix for every inconvenience you may encounter and even though you never say anything, you think it’s really sweet. Your hair starts bothering you and you don’t have a hair tie? He keeps an extra one on his wrist at all times; a satin scrunchie specifically to not ruin your beautiful tresses. You lose your lip balm? He has the exact brand you wear in his bag for emergency purposes. You’re pissy because you’ve lost your expensive pen? He’s got a brand new pack in his bag just because of how annoyed you get when you don’t have them. He has everything down to tampons just in case an accident occurs.

Hyunjin would constantly express how thankful he was for your help. He never forgot to say thank you and he always spoke encouragement into you whenever he felt keeping up with his insane schedule was tiring you. Which leads me to believe he’d have no problem spending a check on you.

In this universe I’d think you wouldn’t spend an awful a lot of money on yourself. Of course if you wanted something and could afford it you’d purchase it, but in Hyunjin’s eyes you never spent enough. So, it was often he’d show up with gifts that he just “couldn’t let stay on the shelf” once he spotted it. You currently have a very expensive, gold status membership at a spa because he thinks you deserve to be pampered on his dime.

The most insane thing I’d say he would have done for you was buy you a car. Model!Hyunjin would 100% pay cash to gift you a car and you can’t convince me otherwise. It would’ve been only a few months into your new job when you’ve just barely straightened him out ( Lord knows his reputation had declined tremendously, which is why his parents hired you in the first place) and he’d finally done enough to earn the privilege of handling his own money again. The very first thing that idiot did was buy you a Porsche SUV. He was still an arrogant little shit at the time, so he claimed it was because “a pretty woman associated with me should ride only luxury”.

When the reality was he heard you talking to your mom how you car was on its last leg and you didn’t have the funds to buy anything new just yet.

That man takes such good care of you just as you do for him, and that’s something you wouldn’t be able to deny if asked about. Even if you thought he was the most annoying human being on the planet.

You were the best thing that’s ever happened to him (and his career), that’s one thing both he and his parents could agree on. Hyunjin just hoped he could be that for you too.

**Find My Masterlist Here**

Join me for Happy Hour. Request are closed!!

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Lmk if you’d like to be added or removed <3

Minors will not be added to the taglist

[deceitfuldevout]

First and Last

Dark!Tom (The Party 2017) x ExWife!Reader

Word Count: +3,234

Warning(s): +18, Non con, ANGST, Domestic violence, Mentions of overdose/overdosing, Drug usage, Addiction, Forced drug usage, Heavy domestic violence, Forced breeding Accidental OD, Really long because I don't have a life.

Author's note(s): I wanted to post this before my trip. Idk if I want to make this into a 2 part series maybe if its good than ye 😃

You run into your soon-to-be ex-husband at a friend's party. He's determined to get a second chance. But some things never change. 

You met Tom in college. Both of you were part of the same friend group and would see each other often. He was persistent in pursuing you. Eventually mustering up the courage to ask you out. You said yes because you fell for him first. But it was Tom who fell harder. He was your first love, first kiss, first everything. After a year of dating, he finally pops the question. Everything seemed to be going fine at first. 

That was almost a decade ago. He's not the same man you fell in love with. Something inside him changed. There were times where you were unsure whether it was the drugs talking or how he truly felt. He would try to hide it but failed miserably. You can't remember how many times you've found his stash, which always resulted in an argument. You were sick of his excuses. It eventually got worse with his intake. He would arrive home half sober. You were sick of seeing him waste away like this. You remember finally deciding that enough was enough. 

After catching him at home for the fifth time, you decide to take action into your own hands. In a fit of anger, you retrieve his hidden stash and flush it down the toilet. When Tom found out his reaction wasn't what you had predicted. Not at all. He dragged you to the bathroom and demanded to know where his supply went. It was the first time he'd ever laid his hands on you. Instead of apologizing for bringing them home, Tom held you in a chokehold until you told him where they were.  

Never in your life would you imagine Tom of all people reacting in such a way. When you finally confess what had happened, he loses his temper. It terrified you how strong he became while under the influence. You were no match for his drug-fueled rage. Your wrist is still sore from how he held you down last week. There were bruises that were still healing for all the times before. But this one had been the worst punishment yet. He left you there on the bathroom floor, naked and sore. Tom hadn't bothered to look your way. He zips up his pants before leaving in search of his next 'fix'.  

That wasn't the first time he put his hands on you, but it was the first time you had left him. You received a string of desperate phone calls, voicemails, text messages all from Tom. You returned home to find him on his knees with a bouquet in hand and tears in his eyes. He apologized and promised to be a better man for you. That was shortly lived. When you arrived home from a late shift, you caught Tom using it again. This time it was different, you found Tom overdosing. You lunged towards him, "Tom?! Tom!" cradling his head in your hands, holding him close. It was the first time you've caught him. A part of you feared this wouldn't be the last.  

Tom had tried to make it up with sex, but you couldn't be around him anymore. You felt almost revolted how he didn't care. Having him around only reminds you of the pain. This time instead of throwing a fit, yelling, or crying. You simply packed all your things and left. What could you do with a man who refuses to change? Leave. You left for your mother's place, finally accepting that it wasn't your fault. 

The divorce papers were mailed to him. For a while now, Tom knew there was something wrong with him. He was just too stubborn to admit it. You'd spoken with a lawyer and there was a court date issued. In a few months from now, you will no longer be referred to as husband and wife.  

For the first time in years, you've finally let the feeling of guilt go. No longer were you going to let this define who you were. You weren't a failure as a wife. Because it was never your fault in the first place. Soon enough you were doing the things you loved again, even began to pick up a few new hobbies. That spark of joy began to return. You started dressing up in nicer clothes, going out, actually spending quality time with friends and family.  

Sometimes there would be a moment when you'd feel for Tom and wonder what he'd be up to. But then again did you really want to know? It would usually be the same thing, him being higher than a kite. Still, you couldn't help but mourn at the loss of your marriage. When you were young and promised to love each other until your very last breath. You still loved Tom, but he loved other things more. 

You were looking forward to your old college friend's New Year's party. A healthy dosage of socializing to get you out there again. You had the opportunity to catch up with everyone there. It felt as though no time had passed. You danced around, joined in some games, things were going well. But there was a lingering feeling that someone, somewhere was staring at you.  

That's when you spot him, Tom, sitting quietly at the end of the room. Your breath hitches at the sight of him twiddling his thumbs. There's a part of you that regrets not filing a restraining order. Tom always had a habit of showing up unannounced. You weren't in the mood for whatever he had to say. So, you left his sight, down the hall, to the nearest restroom. 

You sat on the counter, removing your heels for a moment. A groan escapes your lips as you rub both feet, knowing very well they would ache in the morning. Shit, you were really gonna feel that. You splash your face a few times, hoping that it would combat the summer heat. Completely unaware of the sound of the door opening. It was as if you knew who was behind you, turning around to find Tom leaning against the door. You gave him a glare, "Get out," you were in no mood for his emotional ambush. He ignores your request and calmly states, "I just want to talk to my wife," 

"We're not--" 

"Legally, yes, we are," he corrects. Always so condescending. It was one of the things you couldn't stand. How he would belittle your intelligence. It was the little remarks he'd make to shut down any effort you gave. He made you feel unwanted. He was the one who decided to push you away first.  

If only he could see past his own selfishness that you truly wanted to save this marriage. But in order to do so, he would need to admit that it was an ongoing problem. You didn't have to worry about a mistress, no. You had to worry everyday about finding him dead. You've caught him overdosing a few times. It eventually took a toll on you. To the point where you lost weight from the stress. Tom rakes his hand through his locks, "Of course you don't want to see me, nothing ever satisfies you," a snarky remark to try and get under your nerves.  

With the amount of alcohol in your system, it worked, "Are you kidding me?" you scoff, "Don't you dare lie to me Thomas, I tried everything, everything to fix us, can you say the same?" you growl in his face. Maybe it was the liquid courage that gave you a whole new attitude. Whatever it is helped with confronting him. His reaction, however, was not what you expected.

He smothers you into a deep kiss, pulling you into his embrace. You try shoving at him in an attempt to catch breath. Finally breaking free from his grip. For a moment, he's seems visibly hurt. You scold, "What you wrong with you?!" it wasn't fair. After all the hurt you've been through, Tom still tries to insert himself into your life.  

You deserved better. You try to shove him away. Instead, he shoves you against the wall, "Can't you see..." he presses his sweaty cheek against the crook of your neck, "You're my everything..." his voice sounding more desperate with each word. You scoff, "No, Tom, you can't do this..." tears began to brim, threatening to spill. His eyes are filled with worry, "No...now, baby please don't cry..." his expression is saddened but there are no tears. He kisses each cheek, ignoring your sniffling. Tom held you in place by the shoulders, "I couldn't stop thinking about you," it's true. You were his first love.  

Tom had longed to see his wife again. To feel her, touch her, caress and worship every part of her. He wanted to make things right, truly. But she just got up and left him. Like he was trash. What made her so high and mighty? He's so sick of seeing you always playing the role of a saint. For once he wants to see you get downright nasty with him. His breathing became frantic, "Can't you see? I'm addicted to you," there's a mischievous look on his face that you were more than familiar with.  

You place a cautious hand in front to create distance, "Tom, listen to me, you’re high right now, you're not in the right--" you were muffled by his hand, "No! No! Listen to me!" his voice booms. His sudden mood swing scares you. So much so that your nails dig into his wrist. He hisses in pain, "Stop it! Just stop!" he grits his teeth. When he releases his grip the first thing you do is make a run for it. But before you could even set foot out of the restroom you're pulled back by the hair. You fell on your back, hitting the marble floor.  

It sends the air out of your lungs. That's when you start crying, shriveling up into a ball, begging for him to stop. This was how your arguments always ended. Tom crouches down, "Oh...baby I'm so sorry..." He grabs a towel, pushing it against the bottom of the door to ensure that it's soundproofed. He then pulls you into a hug, locking his arms around your waist. Tom rocks you in his embrace, "Please...please don't cry shh.." He doesn't want to see anymore tears spill. He's thankful for the music being loud enough to muffle your cries. He lifted you onto the counter.  

You look down at the floor, refusing to look him in the eyes. Tom presses his forehead against yours. His eyelids flutter shut, "Let me make this right..." he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small bag, "Here... this'll help with the nerves," he swipes his fingers on his tongue before dipping it in. He swirls it a few times, coating the digits with the white powder.

When he brings it to your mouth you turn away with disgust, smacking his hand off, "Get it the fuck away from me! You fucking tweaker!" you claw at him. He's hurt by your words. How could you? He really is trying to stop. It's harder than it looks. He's tried just about anything you could name to fix his marriage. Nothing, not a damn thing worked. Every time he'd come running back to that same euphoric feeling. When you left, he started using it again, more than ever.  

If only he could get you to try it out, then maybe, you'd understand. He presses you against the counter, using his bodyweight to hold you in place. You sob, "Please...please Tommy...don't do this..." he grips both of your wrists, ignoring your pleas. He looks at you with a maddening look in his eyes. You knew he was out of it. There was always that nothingness behind his irises. To think that this man was once your devoted husband.  

He muffles your cries with a clean hand. He has an idea for the other. Tom hisses, “M’gonna make you take it, make you feel really good...” he reaches in between your legs, pushing aside the lace. Tom brings the snow coated fingers to your folds. He bites his bottom lip, concentrating on finding your opening. He slowly starts to insert them, ignoring your cries and pleas for him to stop. Tom starts pumping his coated fingers in and out of your channel.

You let out a muffled scream under his palm. Stray tears falling down and landed on his wrist. He felt almost bad, but you'll understand soon enough where he's coming from. Just wait and see. You'll love it as much as he does. Fuck, every vein in his body felt like it was on fire. It's easier getting hard while using, too easy. His dick almost hurts form how hard it was. He spat a wad on the tip, coating it with a bit of snow before hovering it over your folds. He presses it against your opening.

A wide grin spreads on his face, "Sh...please...don't flinch sweetheart I just wanted to feel... can I feel my own wife's pussy?" He moans. A mewl escapes your lips. Tom chuckles, he knew you'd love it as much as he does. His hands grip your neck, he doesn't know how strong he's squeezing, not while he's using. It felt nice feeling you clench on his length. He’s on an adrenaline high right now. He’s not going to stop anytime soon.

He rapidly thrusts his hips in and out your channel, indulging in the feeling. Two of his most favorite things combined. Oh, how he’s missed you. Tom picks up his pace. He leans down to plant wet, sloppy kisses across your bare neck. He retreats his lips, groaning against your ear, “I promise you I'll make up for everything, I'll even give you a baby like you've always wanted...” He knows it’s the one thing you’ve always wanted to be. A mother.  

Your eyes shoot wide open as you scream into his palm to stop. Tom pops a pill in his mouth. He swishes it around a few times before forcing your mouth to open. He removes his palm only for a moment, before shoving it inside. It's too much, too much...You felt like you were flying, no, falling? Your heart couldn't stop beating and every single last one of your limbs felt like jelly. A visible vein bulges on the corner of your temple. Only a faint gargle leaves your lips, "F-fuck...T-tom...please..” sniffling for him to stop.

He coos, “M'gonna give you a baby, ok? then we'll be a happy family..." He sighs in admiration. Fuck, you looked so beautiful. Always so compliant. Don’t worry, he’s going to make sure you’ll never get rid of him, “This was mine the day I put that ring on that finger..." He finishes with a roar, coating your insides with his spunk. Tom is almost satisfied, almost. He doesn’t want to waste a single drop. He carefully removes his cock from your channel, plugging you back up with his fingers.  

Tom takes the small baggie. He coats it with your arousal. A deep moan escapes his lips, "Just hide it for me, yeah, can you do that love?" Two of his fingers are buried deep into your channel, he scissors them apart a few times, testing the waters. Then he starts to push it in. You were too buzzed to even fight him off.

His fingers have always caressed that spot you just couldn't quite reach. Tom sighs, “Beautiful...fucking beautiful...” words that he hasn't used in years. Tom throws his coat on the floor. He carefully places you on it, taking no note of the blank expression on your face. He hadn’t noticed your eyes rolling back. He pressed his head against the door to hear if anyone was lurking. If the coast was clear, he could leave.

He places a chaste kiss on your cheek before leaving, placing a tie on the doorknob to ensure no one would wander inside. Tom prepares his car for the both of you. If you were thinking of escaping him, think again. He would keep you hidden until you were surely pregnant. You’ll have a part of him with you forever. He returns to the house with a pep in his step, opening the door to find you still lying on the ground.

That’s when Tom finally notices the faint frothing on the corners of your mouth. He crouches down, “No...” he should’ve seen this coming. You weren’t used to any kind of drug. You’ve never smoked a day in your life. Tom pulls you into his arms, “No no no no...no please...” he shook your unconscious form, “Please! Stay with me!” he shook harder, “Please! Fuck!” Finally breaking down. Tom couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life without you. For it to actually come true was his biggest nightmare, “Please! Don’t leave me!” He rocks both of you back and forth.

Tom tries his best to control his breathing, reaching into his pocket. He calls the one person he knows would help, "Lenn...I'm in deep shit," he chokes. Tom prays that his brother can make it on time. For years now, Lenny had been the one covering up for his little brother. He could hear Tom on the other end of the phone, “She--she’s not waking up...” That’s when Lenny races out his office in search of his twin, "Tom, listen to me, where are you?"

Whatever shit his little brother has gotten into this time, he better hope it doesn’t ruin his record. Lenny hadn't spent years in law enforcement just to lose it all in one day. If word got out that the local detective’s own brother was a tweaker, he’d have to kiss that promotion goodbye. However, Lenny isn’t going to let him get away so easily. Unlike Tom, his brother is colder, more calculated than emotional. He's always surpassed him in every way possible. Well, almost. Lenny hates to admit it, but Tom had the one thing he finally beat him at, you.  

You were the color added to his life. Without you his world was just...black and white.

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty-Four

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors note: I’m here:) finally. It’s been a while, idk how long, not that long but long enough i guess, sorry for the wait! This one is wordy but also has a lot going on, so hope you enjoy!

Ngl, this can probably be read as a standalone if anyone’s seeing this and not started the series, it’s just a bit angsty and mostly smut? But unsure, I said probably! X

Warnings: Arguing, usual Matty and Mouse thinking (feels like it needs its own warning at this point, they’re saddos), smut, unprotected sex, EMOTIONS (because yeah)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

There was something raw in the bitterness that was love. Like the sour skin of an apple that was first thought to be sweet. Love was deceiving in itself really, but it was never alone. It brought life and light. It wrought anger. It stirred both jealousy and pity. It gave and gave, until all you were left with was that tart tang aftertaste. 

Some people revelled in it.

Others, withered away.

Years before, perhaps maybe not even that long ago now, Matty would have belonged to the former. He had enjoyed the strings he found that could tie him to people, sex and money had given him the ability to do it, to keep them there, to pull them alongside him. And he’d indulged in it all, beyond what most would consider extortionate. 

And still, even after everything, when the fun had ended and the games had been discarded, and he’d just been tossed off somewhere to the side… Alone once more. He had continued on. On and on and on, until he ultimately had lost himself completely.

The last few months had shifted something in him though.

And now here he was, still angry and bitter and resentful. But full of actual love. The raw type. The kind that left you marvelling at the most stupid things— insipid little concepts that held no actual value or any real detail worth getting all starry-eyed over.

It had wormed its way into the hollow shell that was his heart and rebuilt some part of him that he believed he had long since destroyed.

He wanted to scoff at the very thought. The very idea that an emotion could be felt so strongly that it differed the world around you; that, singularly, it could change you. The notion was far too complex, too out there to even begin to fathom, but then again, Matty supposed that emotions were exactly that. Complex.

It sent his mind reeling. Had his entire body aching with a fever to expel the feeling completely, if only so that he could think freely again, so it wouldn’t hurt to merely breathe anymore.

You should have told me.

He knew that. He had admitted as much.

And yet, he still hadn’t told her.

He’d lied.

Why didn’t you tell me?

And that was the question, wasn’t it? Why hadn’t he just told her?

Fear, he guessed.

Yet another morbid emotion in which Matty had always been so wary of. Another lost feeling he thought he’d swallowed whole and hidden somewhere deep down. Because there was no fear in a drug induced haze. When you were off partying or chasing some other euphoric high. What the fuck was there to be fearful of? When the chilling buzz which shook you to your very core blanketed over everything else.

When there was always that silence.

That numb quiet he had chased and craved and cherished.

Though, he supposed, it was nothing compared to the fear of losing this.

Of losing her.

Still, Matty could not for the life of him find it in himself to tell her exactly that. Those words lost on him, lodged in the column of his throat and etching themselves a home there.

“Where do we go from here?”

He blinked at the sound of his own voice, looking up at her shadowed expression and at how tired she then seemed. How different she now looked compared to the moment they’d first met. 

She’d been something of a presence even then. Always effortlessly complex. With her soft smile and guarded eyes. Eyes he’d gone and fucking wondered about for hours on end.

Those eyes which were now caught on the far wall stood opposite, the one lined with coloured photo frames and that odd little doodle Teddy had gotten in trouble for only a couple of weeks prior. 

The realisation made Matty mourn the few days they’d spent apart.

After a long moment, she finally shrugged at him and he found himself swallowing tightly at the movement. Startled by her seeming lack of care. 

“I don’t want to lose you, Squeaks.” 

It was honest. As honest as he could be.

She huffed an amused breath in return though, “Not like you’re short on company, Matty.”

He felt his gaze snap up to meet hers then, head shifting with it. 

“What’s that even meant to mean?” He asked her, frowning now, at the way she had crossed her arms over her chest and how her shoulders had hunched on their own accord whilst she casually moved to glance out the window. Matty forced himself up onto his feet, hating the fact she had turned away from him.

“I saw everything, Matty.” Mouse replied tiredly, as though she was fed up, fed up with this, with them. “I saw the articles.”

Matty’s stomach bottomed out at her words, he stepped towards her. “Nothing happened.” He murmured, taking another step closer. “Nothing fucking happened, Squeaks. I swear it.”

She tensed but didn’t quite flinch at his sudden approach, so he kept a little distance between them, even as desperate as he was to hold her. To shake her enough so that she would see sense, that she’d realise how stupid he would have had to have been to have gone near anyone else. That girl was no one, she’d meant nothing. 

“You can swear that, can you?” She mocked him, one corner of her mouth toying with a merciless smile that didn’t quite suit her. “You were gone, Matty. Fucking out of it. That much was clear to see just from the photos alone.”

Matty stared at her helplessly.

She shook her head.

“I’d had a couple drinks. That isn’t a crime!” He stressed, automatically falling onto the defensive, “Didn’t mean I was stupid enough to get with the first person I fucking saw! That girl- she was off her head too. Had mates with her even! But she was just trying to help me, Mouse. That’s all it was.” 

She was shaking her head again now, tongue catching on her incisor; a dead giveaway to how stressed she was, how anxious she was getting. Matty only wished to shoulder it all, that defensiveness of his faltering slightly at the sight of her trying to hide it all. To stay strong. How fucking long had she had to do that?

“I feel like such a fool, Matty.” She finally spoke, her voice trembling with the onslaught of tears that glazed her eyes but she didn’t dare let fall. “A fucking fool. ‘Cause I’d thought that things were okay, that we were okay. That I could finally relax and let you in. But then-“ She paused, a sad huff leaving her, “Then you went and dropped this mess in my lap and somehow expected me to just deal with it. To tell you it’s all fine. That we could make it right.”

Mouse turned then, ever so slowly, looking about as defeated as Matty had ever seen her. He felt his chest burn with the last breath he hadn’t remembered taking let alone hold onto, too afraid to look away, to even move. 

“But you embarrassed me. You’ve made the whole world believe I am that fool. That I was as naive as they’d first made me out to be. As my friends thought me to be.” 

Her smile was shattered and broken, her voice wet and hoarse, but she continued on even as her hands fell limply to her sides and she took a single step closer.

“And to make things worse, you didn’t just hurt me, Matty. You hurt Teddy too.”

–

Hit them where it hurts.

That was the saying, wasn’t it?

But it only left me feeling all the more sour- gutless. As well as a little stupid, I supposed, wondering if Matty even cared for Teddy at all, or how he had felt the last couple days.

Though I shouldn’t have second guessed it, not when the way Matty’s face immediately paled and then fell proved me wrong. 

Deep down, I knew that he cared. In his own odd way he had always cared. But to know it and to see it were two entirely different things.

And although it was true, that Matty had in fact hurt Teddy. It still felt like a shitty thing to say to him then. But he’d hurt me as well, hadn’t he. And even though I’d been hurting most of my life, Matty being the reason for all that hurt pained me in a way I couldn’t even comprehend. 

“I didn’t-”

I scoffed at his attempted reply, but my heart wasn’t in it, breaking all over again. I wondered how long we could drag this out. If we even would.

“Mean to?” I finished for him, shaking my head stupidly. “I know you didn’t mean to, Matty. Doesn’t change the fact that you still did it.”

His eyes slipped closed just as his lips fell apart, and when he opened them again I was stuck staring into his devastated gaze. 

“If I could take it all back, I would.” He breathed, “I promise you I would.”

I swallowed back my own tears, even as they burned and pricked at my throat and eyes. “But you can’t.”

And it was as simple as that, wasn’t it? He couldn’t ever take it back. 

I don’t want to lose you.

He knew just how to get under my skin, past all that rusted armour of mine.

It was what made this all so much harder. 

“Tell me what to do, Squeaks.” Matty croaked pleadingly, hand reaching out towards me before he looked down at it, blinked, and then let it fall. “I’ll do it, just– tell me.”

What was left that he could do? When it felt like things had so suddenly and so horrifically fallen out from under us.

“I don't know.” I told him honestly, in a barely there whisper, “I just don't know, Matty.”

He stepped even closer then, hand moving to capture my jaw in a determined haste, not restraining himself like he had just moments before. I tried to pull away, titling my chin and looking off to the side as I clenched my teeth, but his thumb was there, luring me back in, forcing me to meet his eye.

“I’m not just gonna give up.” His other hand jumped to cradle my face, a cushion to those heated words. 

I was reluctant in my needless wanting, desperate to be held whilst simultaneously wanting to push him away. So I lifted my hands up to cover his own, unsure of the choice they’d make. To stay, or go.

“It’s not about that, Matty.” I heard myself say pathetically, voice wavering with each word, “You can’t just forget this.”

His dark eyes were trained on me, flickering over every square inch of my scarred face. I’d never felt insecure about them when I was around him, but this moment felt too heated, too high strung. And I’d been burning the candle at both ends the last few days, so with him being this close, this intense, every emotion I’d felt was brimming closer and closer to the surface. 

Instead of facing him, I turned away, hiding once more as I worked my jaw and felt my hands slip down to the backs of his forearms.

A shared breath and then,

“Don’t do that.” Matty whispered in the quiet, almost begging. “Don’t hide from me.”

His thumb smoothed over the skin of my cheek and I was all but putty in hands, looking back at him just as a tear escaped me and slid to meet the pad of it. 

Matty brushed the tear away without thought, before he leant in to rest his forehead against my own. The action forced me to cling tighter to his arms, eyes closing to keep from embarrassing myself any further. I wouldn’t cry. 

I wouldn’t cry.

“Look at me.” He demanded, nose so close that I could practically sense its phantom touch. And foolishly, I did as he asked. “You-” His breath stuttered as his eyes pleaded with me, sounding forced as it broke free from him, his fingers making a home for themselves in my hair. 

“You don’t know what you do to me. How much of a mess I’ve made of myself. How much I have missed you.” Matty confessed, his voice quiet in the small space shared between us, in a place where we were both sheltered and unseen. “And I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry. Enough that I’ll keep on repeating it until you fucking believe me. Enough that I’d do just about anything for you to see how much I want this.”

He sucked in a breath, and I blinked back at him, lips tingling with the sensation of his proximity. 

“I know I messed up. I know.” He repeated, eyes flickering back and forth between my own whilst his thumbs trailed the line of my hair. “But all I’m asking for is a chance to make it right. To be better. Squeaks, I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could.”

His breath was tickling the skin of my cheek as well as the corner of my mouth, it almost made it difficult to think let alone remember how to breathe. I wanted–

Suddenly my eyes were looking down, focused on his parted mouth, on the stubble he’d let grow across the cut of his chin as well as his upper lip. His nose finally brushed past my own, touching ever so carefully as one or both of us pressed nearer, almost there, inching closer but not close enough.

“Tell me no.” 

Instantly, I was thrown back to that first night he kissed me. I hadn’t told him no then, and for some reason I couldn’t find it in me to decline him now. 

So instead I took, all but biting as my hand cradled the back of his neck and closed that short amount of distance between us. My nails dug into the exposed skin of his nape, where the collar of his shirt jumped with each move he made. My teeth nipped at his lower lip, angry in my attempt to swallow him whole, teeth clashing as we both stumbled, moving and moving until Matty’s back hit the nearest wall.

How the roles had reversed, I thought to myself as Matty’s shoulders flexed beneath his shirt and jumped under my ever roaming hands. I hated the desire that it stirred through me, knowing how easily he could take back control with his carefully contained strength. But he didn’t, instead he gave my fury something to latch onto.

My hand lifted to pin one of his wrists somewhere to the left of his head, glare not wavering even as his stubborn gaze met my own. He was as riled up as me.

“You have some nerve.” I all but spat, watching on as his chest rose and fell, questioning how quickly everything had switched.

“Yeah?” Matty bit back, those familiar brown eyes- a colour that had always brought me comfort- were blazing now as they trailed over the flush that I was sure lined my face. “Why’s that? You’re the one with me pinned, darlin’.” 

His heavy gaze traced the bow of my lip, slumping ever slightly in his stance so that his head could fall closer forward. My breath hitched.

That was all he needed apparently, to earn the upper hand here. Because in a moment, the room was spinning and then I was the one being crowded against the wall, fury be damned.

Contrary to my previous endeavour, Matty’s touch was still as careful as ever, making it that much more obvious that I could slip away if I so wanted. But the question was whether or not I did.

“Matty–”

But he just carried on, as though he hadn’t even heard me speak, voice a low breathy murmur. 

“I’ve been stuck in this endless loop. Driving myself mad.” He told me, his knee angled enough so that he could let his head dip towards the juncture of my neck, his mouth pausing by the shell of my ear whilst a finger gently trailed its way up over my hip. “Wonderin’ if I’d lost this for good.”

My heart pounded in my chest as the ghost of his words tickled my skin, tensing when his nose ever so slightly grazed my jaw. 

That finger of his continued to move, working its way up my torso, jumping across my ribs and up to the bone of my collar. My gaze was fixed on the opposing wall, on the mirror that framed my dazed face and the back of his head. My hand worked its way into his unruly curls.

“But you’re as stubborn as me, see.” Matty added, luring me in, “And I’m not the type to give up on a sure thing.” His words held enough bite that I snapped back to meet his stare, he tilted his head at me whilst I scowled.

“Excuse me?”

Matty smiled, lids heavy as his careful hand danced its way back down my front. 

“And this,” He said, almost in a whisper, ignoring my retort as he hooked my leg around his waist, “This is a sure thing.”

A soft breath escaped me even as I batted his hand away, but he simply reached up to grip at my chin, touch tender even with the way his calloused thumb dragged down my lower lip.

I was slowly beginning to imagine that this was all a dream, something my sick mind had gone and conjured up in hopes to ignore all of the hurt he had put me through. Because this couldn’t be right, things couldn’t have fallen back into place this easily. 

“Matty.” I tried again, firmer this time, but was captured by the look his eyes held, probably having understood the expression that must have just crossed my face.

“What did you do, Squeaks?” He asked me almost hurriedly, shaking my chin between his forefinger and thumb, my previous anger and doubt melting slightly as I leaned further into his touch. “Did you want me to hurt, too?”

I blinked, caught off guard by the sudden question, his swift change in topic. Baffled by the fact that he was now trying to pin this back on me. 

Was that really what this was? I wanted to ask.

Matty didn’t give me the opportunity to say a thing though. My surprise had stalled me briefly, but it had evidently been long enough to allow him to simply carry on.

“What did you do, eh? Tell me.” He breathed before he pressed his mouth to my jaw, once and then twice, pulling away just as I tilted my head to accommodate him, “Did you go out, baby? Find somebody else? Or did you just stay here, waiting for me?”

I reeled back, anger spiking again. “Fuck you.”

Matty’s eyes flickered back and forth between mine. 

“I’m trying to get you to.” He said, always so brazen and snarky, even in the moments where I hated him most. The hand I had previously slapped away went back to the leg he still had draped over his hip, snaking up over my knee and to my thigh. 

My glare didn’t waiver, even as my breathing picked up at the pressure his fingertips wrought on my skin. 

“Tell me no.” He finally repeated, eyes failing to meet mine. And how was I supposed to? When having him this close brought back that fire he’d put out in me, when he was kissing my neck so sweetly?

“We’ll regret it.” It was as close to a no as I could get, enough to have him pause. Matty looked to me then, his hold loosening on my body but still holding. Hoping.

“Do you care?”

I marvelled at the question, did I care?

I cared so much it pained me.

But he hadn’t meant it like that. That much I knew.

Do you care if you regret it? Because, what if you don’t? 

With Matty there was always chance– he was the type to play the odds, to push his luck.

What if.

What if, what if, what if?

Shaking my head, I was forced to question if he understood me as much as I did him. If he could see each of my thoughts just as they dawned on me, flashing across my face like a story being told. 

Then I wondered whether or not I even wanted him to understand. This, this thing we were doing would only further complicate things between us, but perhaps this could be a goodbye.

But, if this was a goodbye, why was he looking at me like that? Watching and waiting for me to truly answer.

Tell me no, he’d said.

Matty’s gaze swept over my face, as though trying to read me, maybe in hopes to find what it was he was really searching for. 

Tell me no.

“Please.”

And my resolve broke at the word.

“Okay.” I heard myself say in reply, nodding quickly, and that was seemingly all the permission he needed before Matty was wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me towards him fully.

My hands floundered momentarily before they were back on his shoulders, his teeth nipping at my neck. 

I moaned, eyes falling shut as he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses down my skin, teeth scraping before his tongue swirled to soothe their angry ambush. I could smell him everywhere now, the shampoo I was so used to stealing, as well as the only aftershave he’d ever claimed to like.

His hips rolled into mine, pressing himself right against the fabric of my trousers and the underwear which had grown damp during our heated argument. 

I didn’t want to linger too long on the thought of my body’s obvious betrayal, too caught up in him to think about how wrong this should all feel.

“Shit.” Matty groaned, breath catching with it as he continued to grind against me.

I gasped back, grabbing at him harder as he bit down on the curve of my neck. I nipped at his jaw in retaliation, nails digging into the skin of his back, hoping to leave a mark.

“I knew you’d miss me.” He grunted into the base of my throat, the hands which held my waist dipping beneath the hem of my shirt to explore further. “Even when you’re angry you’ll wait. ‘Cause no one else can touch like me.”

A whine bypassed my lips almost involuntarily as he continued to rut against me, I wanted to be angry- no, in fact, I was angry. But all emotion other than want was blurring at the edges of my mind now, being pushed further and further back by each eager kiss he peppered along my jaw.

“You really–” I jerked in surprise, cutting myself off with a short gasp when his hand slipped past the hem of my trousers, fingers pressing against the damp fabric he found there. 

“What was that?” He provoked, and I could hear the smirk in his voice as he trailed over my covered clit, causing me to whimper before I was biting down on my lower lip. Matty didn’t like that much. “Come on, I wanna hear you.” He muttered, pressing a little harder, wanting a reaction. “Tell me.”

“You’re such a bastard.” I panted, head falling against his shoulder as my hips pushed further into his touch, seeking more.

Matty laughed, all breathy and lovely, mouth catching on the lobe of my ear before he hissed, “Yeah, but you like that about me.”

His hand was gone with that and I was almost tempted to ask, to even plead with him for its return, aching all the more now, enough that all I could think about was riding his fingers until I couldn’t think at all. 

But then Matty was grabbing my waist again, his grip hard, firm, and I swallowed when he whispered into my ear once more.

“Jump.”

Without thinking, I jumped. 

We collided, his mouth on mine and the two of us moving as though it was second nature. And in a way, it was. But it shouldn’t have been. I knew that. I tried to remind myself of it. 

He shouldn’t be here.

But he was. Walking his way through my flat with ease, effortlessly missing each sharp corner and the miniscule step which led back into the hallway. He was blind, my hands in his hair as he manoeuvred us into my bedroom, throwing me down onto sheets that he’d never seen, let alone slept in. 

I tugged him down with me, his hands moving to unbutton those fucking jeans he always wore as he worked his way back into my mouth. 

He hovered over me after kicking them off, my head pressed to the pillows as his eyes roamed every inch of my face. “Beautiful.” He whispered, as though he hadn’t really meant to say the word aloud.

My breath hitched anyway but Matty paid it no mind, leaning in closer to kiss me again, slower this time around, though his hands were still quick, tugging at the hem of my top enough so that I got the hint. I lifted myself up, breaking away to take it off and toss it to the side. 

Matty kissed his way down my neck again, following the trail of scars down my torso until his fingers paused to hook around the top of my trousers. I nodded at his silent ask, planting my feet a little firmer on the mattress so that they could follow my tee.

Matty stopped then, kneeling between my parted thighs, eyes caught on the panties I was wearing, and I could swear something in his gaze shifted as he stared down at me. 

“Lace?” He murmured, fingers curling around my thighs tight enough to bruise as he pushed forward, closer to my face. “Really?”

It was a loaded question. Almost felt like an accusation.

I shrugged– I hadn’t meant to end up here, but it hadn’t been subconscious when I’d picked them out of the pile this morning. He liked the way they looked, had told me so one night spent at his when he’d talked me into smoking a couple joints with him sprawled out on his living room floor. 

I opened my mouth to reply but Matty didn’t quite catch the motion, already busying himself with the task of pulling the lace down my thighs. His fingers, calloused from years of playing guitar, dragged alongside the black material rolling down my legs. I tensed at the feeling, zeroing in on the slow motion, then listened to him groan at the sight before they were gone completely.

I watched him pull away, balling the damp fabric up in a fist before leaning over the side of the bed to drop them on top of his jeans. 

“A souvenir?” I couldn’t help but question, mostly out of mirth, but humour helped deflect from the weight I felt at having him here.

Matty hummed, fingers already back on me, trailing the length of my right leg before he was stretching his way back up again, head stopping between my parted thighs and nosing at a crease sat at the very top. He didn’t answer me though, instead choosing to shut me up with another gasp by dragging his thumb across my folds.

“Matty.”

“Hm?” He hummed again, having sat back on his heels to watch me squirm as he continued on. I shot him a rather annoyed glare.

“Take off your shirt and fuck me.” 

His brows rose languidly when he flicked his eyes back up to meet mine, then tilted his head. “But I’m having so much fun.”

With a swift kick to his side, Matty’s hand fell away and he shook his head around the beginnings of a smile. “Always so demanding.” He tutted and before I could spit something back– probably about him being the biggest hypocrite I knew– he was placing his hands either side of my head and leaning forward so that his lips were right beside my ear, his breath fanning the shell of it. “You gonna beg for it?”

My breathing grew heavy as I watched him pull away, dragging a finger up the inside of my thigh before stilling ever so briefly and venturing on, up over my hip and then my ribs. He pressed a slow kiss to my chest, eyes flicking up to find mine as his tongue swirled over the skin, there and then gone.

“Come on–”

He huffed a quiet laugh, the force of it lighting goosebumps over my exposed flesh. “Come on, baby. Beg.”

I rolled my eyes, reaching up to grab at his neck but he was already dancing out of my reach. He jutted his chin. 

“Matty.” I huffed.

“Yeah?”

I really wanted to throttle him, “Fuck me. I’m not asking.”

The corner of his mouth tugged itself up into a small smirk, “Good enough.”

A disbelieving chuckle escaped me, one which was quickly cut short by his wandering hands finding purchase on my hips once more, before he dragged me down the length of the bed, his mouth finding purchase on the swell of my breast.

He pressed fast kisses along the curve of it until his tongue flicked out over the nipple, causing me to gasp. My hands flew out to tangle themselves in his hair when he lapped it into his mouth to suck and I groaned at the weight of his hands cradling the curve of my back. 

“Matty.”

He hummed and the sound sent vibrations rippling out across my skin, I fisted my hands into his curls harder.

Shifting until my hips found his whilst he lavished at my chest, I pressed up into him, both annoyed by the fact he was still clad in his boxers and pleased by the very visible wet patch I could see. I ground against him and the sensation elicited moans from the pair of us, his hands flying down to hold my hips steady.

“Patience.” He murmured, but I was having none of it, lifting a leg against his arse to spur him closer. Matty’s head jerked up at the surprise before he looked down at me and stared. “You’ll be the death of me.”

“You better hope not.” I replied, hands finding the hem of his shirt and dragging it off before he could fight me on it. “I’ll make it painful.”

“Counting on it.” Matty murmured back, hair now a mess, either from the clutch I’d had on it moments before or from the way I’d all but yanked his top over his head. “On all fours,” He said roughly, tapping my outer thigh twice. My already flushed skin heated further at the understanding of how he wanted to take me but– contrary to popular belief– I didn’t argue and rolled onto my stomach.

Palms to the sheets, I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees, eyes trained on the headboard. I grinned to myself when I heard Matty groan at the sight, looking back over my shoulder only briefly to see him palming himself through his boxers.

“Don’t have all day, Healy.” I prompted after a moment passed, just before the mattress shifted beneath his weight. I heard something drop to the floor a second later before he was right up behind me.

I jolted a tad at his sudden touch, then was forced to focus on the way his hands slid over my hips with that same familiarity they’d always done, moving up to the swell of my arse to squeeze it before dropping back down to spread my legs further apart.

A moment passed and I was forced to wait in the silence he then gifted me, waiting and waiting until I finally went to say something. It was then that I felt a finger glide down my spine, dragging ever so slowly over my jumping muscles. 

“Hands,” Matty then reminded and I was forced to blink away the haze I had drifted into, reaching up to grab onto the headboard just as I felt him swipe his dick between my thighs, guiding himself up over my folds, pushing past them so he rested at my entrance. 

I let go of a rush of air, splaying my hands further against the headboard before he slammed into me without any warning at all, all the way up to the hilt whilst I cried out at the sudden fullness. “Fuck.” I hissed, head falling between my shoulders as I winced. 

I breathed through the bit of pain that came with the thrust, acknowledging that Matty didn’t move an inch and instead keeping still, hands holding my hips even as he leaned over to whisper, “You good?”

His voice was surprisingly soft in the quietness that encased the flat, reminding me of other times we’d spent here, both like this and in other odd moments. It made my chest ache.

I took another moment to adjust to him before I nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

He hummed in turn but didn’t question it, just waited, thumbs circling the skin on my hips for a moment in a manner so gentle and yet so very Matty, before finally, he moved. 

His thrusts were shallow and slow at first, his thumbs keeping the same steady tempo as they continued to soothe the tops of my hips. I moaned at the feel of him, before I managed to roll my hips back to meet his own, enjoying the sound that escaped him.

“So good.” He said, hand sliding further up my side and towards my ribs before I was titling my head back and Matty was holding a fistful of my hair. He just held it for a bit, forearm pressed against the skin of my back before his thrusts began to grow harder, tugging more and more.

The room was quickly filled with the sounds of our groans along with the bedframe rocking against the wall and I praised all the Gods above for the fact that there were currently no neighbours residing in the flat beyond it, before I was quickly swept up once more in the thick scent of sweat and sex. Matty fucking into me with a desperation I’d never quite experienced from him before.

I panted beneath him, nails digging into the wood of my headboard whilst he picked up the pace.

I couldn’t quite focus on anything but him. His breathy whispers, his fingertips which dotted my skin, the feel of him rocking in and out of me. It was almost as though nothing else existed but this moment, even if I knew it would soon end. His thrusts getting sloppier, his grip tightening, his murmured praises increasing by a tenfold. 

“Come on, baby.”

I liked when he called me that.

Made me feel special. 

But that thought soon soured. Because, was I really? 

How could I be anything special when my whole life I’d been nothing but a doormat for people to walk all over? I couldn’t help but think that Matty would be the same, like he’d gotten too close and finally seen what everybody else already had.

“Squeaks, baby. What do you need?”

I whimpered at his ask, tears collecting in the corners of my eyes. “I–”

What the fuck did I need? It wasn’t meant to feel so loaded, that question. But it felt as though the walls were now closing in. Because was this it? Was this the end?

“I–” I tried, feeling Matty’s fingers slip from the ends of my hair before a gentle palm laid itself flat on the small of my back.

“So good for me.” I heard him say and I moaned at the slight praise, breathing harder as he continued to mumble mostly to himself, “So pretty. So good.”

I was almost there, back arching under his palm as the other moved away from the right grasp it held on my hip, fingers finally finding my clit, knowing exactly what I needed.

“Yes.” I panted as the combination of his hard thrusts and steady hand sent my head into a dizzying pool of water, “God, yes. I–”

I think I screamed as I came, his fingers working deftly whilst mine clung to the headboard, body trembling as I fought to keep myself up. But Matty was there, holding me long enough so that he could reach his high and pull out with a loud grunt, coating my inner thighs. 

We stayed there for, I don’t know how long, until he finally released me, falling away whilst I slumped forward onto the pillows before us. He followed a second later, still catching his breath as he stared up at the ceiling. I watched him, eyes hidden behind my forearm and a sprawl of hair that had fallen over my face, content to soak in what I could of him. What I had left.

Then Matty shifted beside me, I half expected him to get up and leave with some half-arsed excuse on the tip of his tongue, but he paused when he caught my heavy gaze. I let my eyes trail over the side of face, on the tired circles settled beneath his lash line and the slope of his nose.

He looked back towards the ceiling.

“You got your souvenir, remember?” I found myself saying, stupidly, voice just above a croaked murmur, “Don’t let me keep you.”

Quiet. And then, “Do you want me to?”

I knew what he meant, but still I asked, “Want what?”

Matty’s head slowly turned towards me, eyes guarded and peering over at my devastated form. I wondered what he made of me right then, if he thought anything at all. 

When he offered me no words, I refused to add anything either and felt what was left of my heart crumple up into a pitiful bundle when he pushed himself to the edge of a bed with a barely there sigh.

The air in my lungs caught as I watched and waited, eyes trailing after him as he rounded the bed frame to pick up his discarded boxers. I let them slip closed again, not wanting to watch him leave. 

I listened to his feet pad across the hardwood floors and out of the room. My chest ached with every step but I didn’t dare stop him, burying my face further into my pillow. 

I laid in wait for the front door to open, for there to be a clue to his evident departure, but then the footsteps returned. I didn’t dare give myself false hope, knowing he must have forgotten something to have come back. But the padding continued, closer and closer until they were back by the bed and I held my breath as it creaked, my eyes stinging just as I felt a warm damp cloth press against my inner thighs, wiping me clean.

I choked on the sob that wanted to escape me and the cloth paused for a split second before venturing on. I waited, wondering why he was doing this, why he was dragging it out.

Just leave already.

But then the cloth was pulling away again, and the bed was creaking again, and the tears, they wouldn’t stop. 

Stay. 

Please just stay.

I gasped into the pillowcase, stomach tensing with the strength to keep quiet. To let him leave quietly. 

I wouldn’t cry.

And then there was quiet, at least for a moment or two, before the bed dipped once more and there was a hand in my hair, combing the strands from out of my face and tucking them behind my ear.

When I opened my eyes, he was still there. Dressed and ready to go, but still sitting there beside me. Whilst I laid bare, curled up into a ball to better protect myself from his knowing gaze.

Suddenly everything hurt. Suddenly I felt exhausted and was falling apart at the seams.

Matty moved carefully, stretching toward the foot of the bed before returning with the sheet to cover me up, laying it gently over my trembling shoulders. He leaned in to press a slow kiss to my forehead and then went to move away again.

My hand caught his wrist.

And then I was flat out sobbing. Hysterical even. Crying into the pillow almost soundlessly as I gasped to try and catch my breath. Because I wanted him to stay. I needed him to stay.

Not just for me. But for Teddy. And for the life he brought into my dreary flat. To the kindness he never failed to gift me.

I needed him to stay.

I needed him.

I opened my mouth to ask, to let him know. But I could hardly even bear to look at him, blurred as he was through my onslaught of tears, Matty still held the key to all but destroying what little I had left.

His hand returned to my hair, fingers tangling themselves in it, a sudden contrast to the rough grip they’d held there earlier. And then he settled further onto the bed, back pressed against the headboard whilst he continued to run his fingers through my hair.

The tears still flowed but the sobs came less and less, until I was blinking at his shadowed figure in the dark, holding out hope that somehow he’d just know and he’d stay. 

[lilacfiresoul]

ensure, april 6 -- @jegulus-microfic -- 1,336 words

idk how i feel about this one, but i like it and had fun writing it, which is the main thing ofc.

i'm also thinking that this might be part one to a series where the next few prompts will be something related to this. got a few ideas in the works. they will be appropriately labelled when the time comes should anyone gets confused :)

content warnings: kissing, brief mentions of sex but nothing like obvious; i literally just tell you they shagged and that's it. no description of it lol

----

Sometimes James thinks that when his dad handed down the invisibility cloak to him, he expected him to use it for something important. Defeating the powers of evil, conquering the darkness, battling dragons or trolls, or other epic things James can’t be bothered to think of right now.

Certainly not sneaking around the castle with Regulus, the both of them huddled up underneath it, trying to be quiet as they head back to the Gryffindor dormitories.

“Are you sure they won’t notice?” Regulus whispers. He’s walking in front as he’s smaller than James, and James can see the corridor a bit over his head, warped slightly through the cloak.

“Yeah, I promise,” James replies. “Sirius sleeps like a log. Not even shaking and throwing things at him wakes him up. Peter will be out like a light too. Remus … might be awake. He’s probably reading actually, but he won’t say anything. As long as you’re back in your room by eight tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“And that’s tried and tested, is it?”

“What?”

“Tried and tested. That we can throw things at my brother, and he won’t wake up?” Regulus grins slyly over his shoulder, and James has to smirk.

“This is dangerous, you know,” he continues, stopping in the corridor, turning around to face James. “If Sirius finds out …”

“He won’t,” James jumps to assure him, gently taking hold of Regulus’ shoulders.

Regulus has been worrying about Sirius discovering their relationship since they started dating almost two months ago now. What had started as a mistaken, drunken kiss after a Slytherin party had slowly morphed and turned into … this. Sneaking around after hours, brief snatches of glances at each other across tables in the Great Hall, kissing and the occasional shag if they had time in storage cupboards between classes.

And now, James is bringing Regulus, Sirius’ brother, back to his room, because he wants to hold him in his arms for longer than a few minutes, find out what it’s like to share a bed with someone he loves. He’s worried too, of course he is, but Regulus has been most vocal about it.

It’s been a topic that’s cropped up more often than not as they’re timing their exits from storage cupboards so no one sees them, tucking their shirts back into their trousers and sorting out their hair. Regulus will fret, “What if my brother finds out?” or, “What if someone sees us?” and James, pressing a kiss to his cheek, will murmur, “They won’t, love. We’re okay. If they do, we’ll just … talk about. What’s the worst that could happen? We’ll deal with it together, okay?” In reassuring Regulus, James reassures himself too.

When Remus found out, that’s what they did. Told him together, and … he couldn’t care less. He promised to keep it a secret until they were ready to say something, though he cautioned them to soon because it’s only a matter of time before it got out. But they’re careful.

“He won’t find out,” he repeats. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, anyway. He won’t get up until breakfast is almost over, at least.”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Regulus says, and he sounds like he’s coming round, especially when he rises up on his toes and kisses James.

Even though they’re in the corridor, probably one of the worst places to snog in the whole of Hogwarts, the invisibility cloak gives them some sense of privacy as James gently backs Regulus against the wall.

“James,” Regulus says, giggling as James peppers his jaw with kisses. “We’re in the hallway.” Yet he makes no move to push him away, only pull him closer.

“So? You started this, Reggie,” James points out, moving down to Regulus’ neck. He finds his pulse, gently mouthing it, earning a sharp intake of breath in return. “You, and your infuriating, maddening, pretty little mouth—”

There’s a noise at the end of the corridor. Regulus flinches, grabbing hold of James’ clothes as James tears his lips from his skin. Turning to see what it is, he tenses, holding his breath.

Professor McGonagall, dressed in a robe, with her arms partially crossed and a mug of tea in her hand, stands there. She’s staring in their general direction, eyebrows pinched in suspicion.

James curses softly under his breath. Did she hear them? They weren’t being loud, were they? They’re always so careful, always aware of their surroundings. But had they got carried away?

“Who is— oh fuck.” Regulus sighs, his mouth forming a hard line as he spots McGonagall. “What the fuck do we do? She’s going to dock us house points for being out of bed.”

“Maybe she’s just patrolling,” James hisses. “She can’t see us. If we just—”

“I know you’re there,” McGonagall calls. “Show yourself now, and the punishment won’t be as harsh.”

James presses his lips together, shaking his head. They’re so fucked, facing detention or worse, yet Regulus just looks more annoyed than frightened, upset that their snogging session has been cut short.

But McGonagall loves James, and he knows this. He’s hoping, as he presses a finger to his lips, that Regulus will get it and remain silent, letting James take the fall for them. He starts to back up, and Regulus, glaring, clocks on instantly to his plans.

“James, don’t you—”

“Sorry, Professor,” James says, ducking out from the cloak and silencing Regulus with a hand over his mouth. He sees Regulus’ outraged look before the cloak falls over him, and James adjusts his position to hide him, flashing a smile at McGonagall. “You caught me.”

His head of house frowns, peering down her glasses at him. “Why am I not surprised that it is you, Mr Potter?”

James shrugs, as if he doesn’t know himself, and McGonagall resumes, “On your own this evening? No Mr Black, or Mr Lupin or Pettigrew with you?”

It’s an effort to keep a straight face when McGonagall says Mr Black; although she means Sirius, it’s not entirely far from the truth that James does have a Mr Black with him. Just not the one she’s thinking of. A different star in an entirely different constellation.

“Nope. Just me,” he says.

McGonagall doesn’t look like she believes him, but she doesn’t dispute his claim, staring at him disapprovingly. “Hm. What are you doing out of bed then?”

Underneath the cloak, James can feel Regulus breathing through his nose, the contours of his lips beneath his palm. It’s distracting, if he’s honest, especially when, Merlin save him, Regulus starts kissing his hand.

“Um. I’m … walking,” he gets out. McGonagall’s disapproving expression deepens. “I like to walk sometimes. You know. Fresh air. Nobody’s around.”

“I’m aware of why you’d want to go walking at night, Mr Potter,” McGonagall interrupts, saving James from digging himself a further hole. “But you know why you can’t do that, as much as I’m sure you’d like to, it is against the rules.”

James is having trouble focussing on McGonagall’s words, Regulus’ mouth brushing against his skin. It’s torturous that he can’t do anything except stand here, clinging to the scraps of his composure.

“I’m sorry, Professor. Won’t happen again.”

“Ensure that it does not. Five points from Gryffindor. Get to bed.”

“Yes, Professor.”

She turns to go, and James ducks his head in resignation of the docked house-points, but really, he’s so relieved that she’s leaving.

Until she stops, back to them.

What she says next makes James’ mouth drop open in horror and Regulus abruptly stop kissing his hand.

In an unamused, no-nonsense tone, McGonagall adds, “Oh, and ten points from Slytherin, too, Mr Black.”

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[jackfrombaskinrobbins]

baking contest w/ the avengers!!

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 1k

request: yes / no

original request: OMG CAN U PLS DO THE AVENGERS IF THEY HAD LIKE A COOKING OR BAKING CONTEST?

dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)

characters: reader, scott lang, nick fury, clint barton, harley keener, peter parker, miles morales, tony stark, pietro maximoff etc

a/n: HECK YEAH I CAN!!!! i loved this idea sm i was so excited to get this request :D i'm getting back into writing so sorry if it's a lil bad lol. also guys i'm gonna open requests again so feel free to submit!! i have a lot of muse for spiderverse stuff atm hehe so i may post again today!! tysm, hope u enjoy!!!

taglist: @shefollowedthestars @thecloudedmind @ayohitmanddaeng

(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)

-----------------------✰----------------------

so there’s this thing that the avengers do

in order to do team bonding

they’ll assign partners in the beginning of the year

& each month, a new set of partners will choose something to do

and it’s always super fun

like that’s how u ended up at the trampoline park last month

& how scott ended up with a broken arm rip king

so this month had to be something a little less dangerous

kinda funny when u think about it like it’s literally the avengers they’re in dangerous situations all the time

and while you wanted to do something different, certain ~forces~ kept preventing that

like y’all were watching a movie a couple weeks ago

and fury came on the screen 

how he could hack into it idk hes nick fury dude he can do anything

but he just looked at the camera and said “no more dumbass trampoline parks”

HAH

so yeah it had to be something tame 

anyway so this month was you and scott!!!!

best duo ever!!!!!!

so you had to plan what to do

& scott refused to go skydiving bc that was your first choice

smh scott it would be so fun!!!!

his arm was still broken & he said that was why he wouldn’t go but like…. scott we know ur a scaredy-cat

anyway you were trying to decide when suddenly he was like

“y/n!!!! i totally forgot! the great british baking show just premiered and i promised clint we could watch it together!”

and that gave you an idea

scott LOVED it

but y’all needed a couple things before 

first of all, u needed baking supplies

when i say baking supplies i mean BAKING SUPPLIES

there’s like a thousand avengers at this point bruh :’)

scott almost got one of those instacart orders for it but u hated the thought of an instacart person getting ur crazy order

so it was store time :D 

let’s just say tony’s credit card was used very well that day 😛

then it was time to pick teams

not everyone had to participate

wanda said she wanted in

so pietro joined too which was slightly concerning

the man literally burnt a bowl of cereal once

and ur probably thinking “how—”

EXACTLY

only you and harley saw it and honestly it rendered u both speechless

tony joined too

but you and scott made sure he knew that there could be NO robots 

vision asked to be a judge

scott said “vis, we really appreciate that but… uh… don’t you like not eat?”

“ah! you are correct, scott. i do not consume food in the traditional way. however, given my vast knowledge & global database, i do believe that i would be a very good judge of presentation and overall ingredient chemistry.”

“alright, you do that buddy!”

also off topic but why do i just know that tony would give vision the nickname “chat gpt”

 sorry i had to get that out ANYWAYY

you got a few more people to participate 

sam and bucky wanted to be a team, and harley peter & miles wanted to be a team too

yknow what that was fine by you

so the day came.

you had turned one of the empty conference rooms into a crazy kitchen setup

thx party city for the confetti & balloons!!! ;)

in came your loyal hosts, scott & clint

(clint begged you and scott to let him host, he kept using a british accent until you said yes & just trust me it was good that he finally stopped)

you, natasha, and vision were the taste & presentation judges

you surveyed scott’s & your work, pretty proud of how it turned out

“ALRIGHTY THEN, READY, SET, OFF THE BLIMEY!!”

vision shot you a quizzical look, but you just shook your head.

scott & clint rly were a…. hosting duo

yep, the most… hosting duo of all time

the hostiest hosters to ever host

omg the funniest thing was that they kept eating the cookie dough from harley peter & miles’ station

they literally had to push them away

peter & miles webbed their hands shut HAHA

everyone else seemed to be doing pretty well though

aside from their usual arguing, bucky & sam seemed to actually be making something good

wanda was perfect as per usual

and pietro was zipping around the kitchen, causing tony’s flour to rise up in his face

steve came over, blowing a whistle and pointed at pietro

you and scott had enlisted him to be the referee

yes, cooking shows don’t normally have referees, but think abt the ppl we’re dealing with here 😀

anyways finally time was up!!!

but you and scott still had a trick up your sleeves.

“and now presenting our special guest judge… GIVE IT UP FOR NICK FURY!!”

yes that’s right, he had said yes to this

after you promised to finish a mission report for him

and bought him some new eyepatches

which was why he was wearing a navy blue one complete with rhinestones

pietro was up first, and he placed four slices of chocolate cake in front of all the judges.

“i gotta say p, this actually looks really good!” you spoke, and he beamed.

natasha didn’t look so sure

“as y/n says, it does look alright on the outside. however, it does seem like there’s some sort of… strange ingredient in the chemical makeup… i am going to analyze for a moment.” said vision

“aw, let’s just eat the damn thing already!” fury spoke, and so you all did.

“mm, it’s good!!” you said, and natasha nodded in agreement.

but did not have the same reaction. 

he had stopped chewing, and his eye had narrowed. he was giving pietro a death stare.

“uhm… fury? what is … jolly wrong with you?” scott asked, his british accent wavering.

“yeah… guv’nr?” said clint.

“who the hell puts hot sauce in a damn chocolate cake. you better start runnin’ maximoff, because i’m comin’ for you!!” fury spoke, getting progressively louder.

“that one was supposed to be for y/n- i mean vision! yeah! oops. um…” pietro spoke, before disappearing from the room in a quick streak.

after that, fury left. 

and that's why now cooking/baking competitions are banned on the premises of SHIELD!!

-----------------------✰----------------------

[collecting-stories]

Hey, idk if you're still writing for JJ, but I thought maybe seeing The Joker and The Queen by Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift would be really cool for him!! ❤️

The Joker and the Queen - JJ Maybank

Summary: Reader and JJ spend the afternoon together.

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out...also this is pretty short, I kind of just wanted to capture like, the chill acoustic vibe of the song with JJ and the reader just like spending time together.

TS Anthology Series

✰ you see the best in me, the joker and the queen ✰

The sun coming in through the open window felt warm against JJ's face and sunburned shoulders. He'd been out longer than he planned to be the day before, surfing with Kie and Pope and not bothering with sunscreen despite the many reminders Kie provided. In a couple more days, when the coconut oil and apple cider vinegar had healed the angry red skin on his shoulders and back he'd have a few more freckles to mark his body. There was a spattering on them on the left shoulder, peeking over his collar, somewhat obscured by the sunburn but you were meticulous in your detailing. 

When you looked up from the canvas you were working on you realized JJ had closed his eyes, chin resting against his hand and his face turned just enough that the sun was shining on it. His hair looked blonder than it had been two months ago but then you'd been FaceTiming him and looking through a phone screen would never do JJ the same justice as sitting across from him. 

"JJ," you called his name gently, watching him nod in confused half-wakefulness before sitting up a little more and opening his eyes, "we can stop." You offered.

The request to paint him for a synchronous art class that you were taking over the summer wasn't all that unusual. Half your portfolio was portraits of your boyfriend. Sleeping, surfing, partying, you'd even drawn him eating cereal once when you were trying to practice sketching in motion. You had already sketched out the painting on your canvas, posing wasn't necessary (or possible because you knew JJ to have little patience for sitting still) but you'd asked him to sit just long enough that you could work on coloring. You wanted to get everything just right. You had hundreds of sketches of JJ (or at least that's what it felt like) but you couldn't seem to get any of them perfect. There was always something missing.

"I'm good," he promised, tired eyes blinking slowly as he spoke. The sun felt so warm, he knew he was dozing off but he was trying desperately not to. He wanted to sit still and do this for you. Every time you asked to sketch him, he barely lasted ten minutes before he was fidgeting. And he knew it was irritating because everyone always said so (not you, but Kie and Pope and Sarah and John B and Cleo...everyone). You were so talented and sometimes when he saw your art he couldn't believe that you were wasting your time on someone like him. It was a self-deprecating thought but he had plenty of them all the time. 

"We can take a break?" You offered, dipping your brush into the pinkish beige that you'd mixed for his sunburn shoulders. 

"No it's okay," he yawned around the word okay, meeting your eyes when he heard you laugh in response, "I'm just kinda tired."

"We can do something else?" 

He shook his head and then brushed his hair out of his face, "isn't this due thursday night?" He knew it was, or at least part of it. He'd been in the room on Monday night during your last zoom class and had listened to the professor give out the homework for Tuesday through Thursday. You'd been laying on the couch with him, camera off and mic muted, and he'd been tired and close to sleep then but he was sure he'd heard your professor say that part of this was due Thursday. 

"I've got another day," you promised, leaving your painting to come over to JJ. The sun felt warm on your back and shoulders as you stood in front of JJ's chair, leaning down and taking his face in your hands, "we can just chill, if you want?" 

He looked ready to protest but thought better of it, "can we go to the beach?" He asked, tilting his head up to look at you, eyes half-closed. 

"You think you can stay awake that long?" You laughed, kissing him before pulling away. 

"Totally," he promised, though you knew it was doubtful that he would even last through you insisting on putting sunscreen on him. 

[runningfrom2am]

on the one screen in my town: four

summary:

mason’s life with drew was absolutely perfect, she was happier than ever; until everything came crashing down all at once.

tags/warnings:

drew starkey x fem!popstar!oc, drug and alcohol use, addiction, death, grief, these tags are not exhaustive, idk i'll add to this as it goes on.

wc: 1.9k

disclaimer!!: this part contains a song which i DID NOT WRITE** this is an amazing song by my mother, taylor swift, called “bigger than the whole sky” (i’ll link it here) so yeah i’m NOT claiming to have come up with the lyrics or any of the song AT ALL it just fit the vibes and this is all for fun :)

series masterlist

masterlists

Drew hears the echoing of their piano through the halls of their Charleston house as he sits in his office, trying to finalize all the legal documents and contracts of vendors for their wedding. It's hard when the wedding has been postponed, many of their deposits no longer valid. Not that it matters to him much, but it would be nice to be able to give them a solid date to stick to.

He sighs as he gets up, tiptoeing down the hall, careful not to step on any creaky floorboards as he gets closer to the music. He presses his back to the wall, wanting to listen without bothering Mason. He peeks inside, and the room is in the state it's been for months- papers and blankets everywhere, clothes and abandoned coffee mugs scattered on every imaginable surface. Her "writers cave", as she had jokingly called it before, now looks just as depressing as it sounds.

"Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?"

He hears the soft tones of her voice now that he's close enough. She was singing so quiet he could hardly pick it up over the sound of the piano, even being so close.

"Did some force take you because I didn't pray..."

The song Mason wrote in the wake of her breakup with Brady all those years ago has now taken on an entirely different meaning for both of them. Drew can hear the shakiness in her voice, the lyrics just slow and torturous enough to leave her attached to the words. Her mother has been gone for months now, and she is doing better with her grief, but Drew can't help but feel like he's mourning not just the woman who would have been his mother-in-law, but also the woman who was meant to be his wife.

It's a beautiful song, and it does take Drew a minute to wrack his mind for its title, placing a weight in his chest when he remembers just as Mason reaches the chorus.

"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. You were bigger than the whole sky..."

She plays it slower, pushing the keys down harder, more frustrated that she couldn't get the notes just right as her voice shakes, and more frustrated that the association of the song has changed at all. Drew jumps as she slams her hands on the keys, swiping the sheet music onto the floor and turning on the bench. She freezes when she sees him in the doorway, no longer trying to hide. "Honey, hi.." She sighs, standing up and plastering on a smile.

"Frustrated?" He asks, gesturing to the papers scattered across the floor. He knew she didn't need them when she played, he wondered why they were even there.

"Yeah, sorry." Mason chuckles, walking up to him and sliding her arms around his waist in a hug.

"That's okay." He says softly, planting a kiss on the top of her head as he hugs her back. "We've got that dinner and party tonight, are you sure you want to go?."

"I want to go." Mason insists. It's a casual get together with Drew's OBX cast mates, and they promised they would go. It will be the first time he's seen them since the series finished filming relatively recently, and Mason wouldn't want to take that from him. "Besides, I feel like I'm rotting away in this room. I've got to get out." She chuckles, looking around at the messy space.

"Alright. We don't have to stay long, just make an appearance and talk to a few people and then we'll come back, yeah?" Drew says, not wanting to push her, but he does really want her to go, to get out and see their friends who he knows she's very comfortable with. After all, him and Este have been planning this night for a month now.

Mason nods a little against his chest, pulling out of his arms and gently patting his shoulder as she brushes past him, going to start getting ready.

She's eased herself back into events and public appearances slowly, understanding that life must go on- somehow. Especially when she has so many people waiting on her, looking up to her, even if they've kept what happened almost totally private. Besides their close friends and family, including their friends on the cast- which is the only thing Mason is dreading about this.

"I'm scared they're going to be weird." She says to her fiancé as he drives them towards the restaurant.

"What do you mean?" He asks, tilting his head a little bit as he focusses on the road, one hand on her thigh in the passengers seat.

"I haven't seen them since before mom passed- I just don't want things to be like... different. I don't know." Mason sighs.

"They'll be fine." Drew assured her. "Besides, if you're even a little bit uncomfortable, we'll leave. Just tell me and we'll go, okay?"

Mason nods, swallowing as they pull up to the building. At least it's her favourite restaurant, and she knows she can have her favourite food, if nothing else good comes from the night. They park in the back lot, ready to go in through the back door of the space which is closed to the public for the night. She hops out and grabs her bag from the floor of the vehicle, along with a few gift bags she put together for everyone in the main cast. She couldn't make it to the official wrap party, so she wanted to say congratulations to them all while she had everyone in one place.

Drew wraps his arm around her shoulder as they walk up to the building, giving her a gentle squeeze as the door is opened for them and they walk in. It's dark, and quiet, and Mason chuckles a little in confusion as Drew leaves her side, and suddenly the colourful lights flick on- giving the girl a semblance of vision in the previously pitch black restaurant.

"Happy birthday Mason!" A cheering fills her ears as she processes all their friends standing in front of them as all the tables are cleared. A smile crossed her face and she laughs, shocked too see that this is all for her.

"Happy birthday, love." Drew is with her again, reaching for the bags in her arms. "Here, let me take these..." As soon as her arms are free there's someone throwing their arms around her shoulders.

"It's not even my birthday." Mason chuckles, hugging her best friend back.

"Oh please, it's close enough, Mace." Este replies, rubbing her back. "We just love you, and want you to feel celebrated."

"Thank you, Este." She whispered, pulling away carefully with a weak smile on her face. There was only a few days before her birthday, and she had completely pushed the idea of it out of her mind.

"Now, come on, let's get you a drink!" Este is quickly ushering Mason along, not wanting to give her a chance to overthink anything.

Drew chuckles as they quickly walk off, placing the bags of gifts for his cast mates on a table pushed up against the wall.

"Drew." Madelyn grabs his attention and he turns around to look at her.

"Hey, Mads, how are you?" He smiles, giving her a quick hug.

"I'm good! Thank you for inviting us." She smiles, resting a hand on his shoulder. "How are you doing?"

"Uh, I'm good! Yeah. Everything's great. Well, good. We're going day by day." He shrugs, knowing what she was really asking.

"Good. That's really the best you can do." Madelyn nods, looking over her shoulder at Mason and Este at the bar. "Is Mace doing okay? I've reached out but she doesn't want to talk much."

Drew sighs as he follows her eyes over to his fiancé. "Yeah, I mean, she doesn't want to talk to anyone these days. Please, don't take it personally."

"No, no of course not. That's what I assumed." Madelyn nods, watching as JD and Rudy greeted Mason with a hug, careful of the drink in her hand. "If I can ask, any updates on the wedding?"

Drew shakes his head, looking down now. "Not really. She just wants to keep pushing it back and back."

Madelyn furrows her brow, detecting the frustration hidden in his tone, even with his slightly half-hearted laugh. "She'll be ready one day- but I get it. I couldn't imagine having to plan a wedding without my mom. Forget standing there on the best day of my life knowing my mom isn't there to celebrate with me." She frowns, shaking her head just at the idea of it. "Just, be patient with her."

"I know..." Drew agrees quietly. "I'm trying, truly."

"She's lucky to have you." Madelyn smiles at him, patting his shoulder again.

At that, she walks off to greet Mason, watching her words carefully and trying to be as normal as possible. Este made it so clear to the group before the couple arrived that they need to be mindful about what they say about her mom. After all, they had all written up and signed a card for her when they first heard the news, so follow-up conversation about the topic at her birthday party was hardly necessary.

Mason was quick to hand out the gifts she brought for everyone, and after she opened all of hers, Drew had them sent out to the car while they said their goodbyes. Mason had fun the last couple hours, but just wanted to get home by this point.

They step outside, and unfortunately are greeted by cameras flashing at them from the outside of the makeshift barricade.

"Mason! Did you call off the engagement?" Someone shouts, and she just shakes her head, keeping it down as they beeline for their vehicle.

"Mason! How are you coping with your moms death?" A different voice yells, seemingly upset that they're all just being ignored.

"Just get in the car." Drew mumbles to her, keeping his arm protectively around her side until he could open the door for her, quickly closing it.

"Drew! Does it bother you that she keeps moving the wedding?" He tries to ignore all the shouting as he makes it to the drivers side.

"Drew, are you feeling lucky you won't have to put up with a mother-in-law?" The follow up question comes and he snaps, slamming the door he had just opened to get in and pacing angrily over to the photographer.

"Hey! Watch your mouth or you'll never sell another picture again- hear me?" He shouts, getting up in their face as cameras flash at him from seemingly every direction. "Leave us alone- I swear you'll regret it if you don't."

He shakes out his clenched fist and turns to walk away, not wanting to make more of a scene than he already has. He's quick to get in the vehicle and slam the door again, quickly turning it on as Mason hides the tears streaming down her face with one of the gift bags.

Security blocks off the group of people so they could exit safely, driving home to escape reality for a while again.

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @alimaythings, @chenslucy, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @ragingsammie, @suzyheartsrafe, @dee127

join my taglist here

[sungbeam]

assign your moots to your fics and tell us why :33

ooh :0 i remember getting this such a long time ago, so it'll be fun to do an updated ver!!

@justalildumpling — rhapsody anonymous: self explanatory; this was literally written and modeled after j 😎 u can thank her for the yy and sunwoo convergence on mc >:))

@jaehunnyy — the comfort zone: i think this one is sooo chip and i could imagine she and wooyo having a f2l romantic arc 😁 idk if you've read this one yet, but everything wooyo just automatically brings you to mind!

@hqrana — the cage: RAAAAH one of my favorite little underrated blurbs and literally the fic that brought the iconic xnonie to my inbox. noa's so rad, guys, just like this concept skfnks

@winterchimez — she can have two months: it was also written exactly for her after we had a discussion in our dms and i said BET!! I WILL WRITE IT, and ta-da! i did 😌

@ethereal-engene — either veins or lighthouse: veins because ash and i have an entire headcanon series in our discord abt the rest of the coups wedding TT, and lighthouse bc she's such a comforting person :')) she and woozi both make me feel so seen and loved

@mosviqu — flight risk: EASY MONEY, i was gonna assign swing my way, but i think bar might like flight risk more?? anyways, remember that eric loves you 😚 (but not more than ME)

@stealanity — ghost of you: my dearest matty :')) i know we don't chat/interact much but ur reactions to ghost of you still sit with me and i would like to associate you with the fic now 🫂 ur always such a supportive and warm person, and you would totally be the yn in this

@zzoguri — party people: besides mon saying they read it a few times, jacobie is their soulmate!! and i hope it continues to be your favorite fic by me :')) 💖

@from-izzy — circles: okay ik u don't bias hyunjae BUT i think izzy is so lovely and healing, and the story arc leads to one of my favorite make up scenes !! wish i did it a little more justice, but i think it still gets the right message across

@loveliestfelix — bird hunt and mine: IM CHEATING I KNOW 😭😭 but i just think of nana when i see my beloved bird hunt, there is no other that i associate w it more 😔 and ofc mine :') the little blurb that brought our friendship to bloom!!

@goldenhypen — 7:43pm; my favorite jake stan in the world and my canadian counterpart :')) i think em would perfectly line up w this one, just cuz it's a little twist on a classic cliché and ughhh jake is so swoonworthy haha

@polarisjisung — 11:54pm; WOW it's been forever since i went back to this fic 😭 but i think it encapsulates some of the jisung that our resident asteroid loves most 😋 and hua just feels like the yn in this hehe

[content-d3leted]

THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. THE BEST. THE MOST MAGNIFICENT OF ALL.

YES I KNOW ALL OF THE DRAWINGS ARE ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH BUT IDC!! I HAVE HORRIFIC ARTBLOCK SO THATS WHY. I DID THEM IN LIKE 2 MINUTES ITS NOT MEANT TO HAVE EFFORT PUT INTO IT!

I made that terrible clay cup replica about 6 months ago do not question its terrible paint job.

It's so annoying at how so much Robert content is just lost media. Cbeebies stargazing episodes? GONE. Continuity links containing Robert/other JH characters? GONE. Some recordings of live shows? GONE!! Like sure, having limited clips of live shows is fair enough, you had to be there to experience it. But to delete SO MANY episodes of stargazing, an actually good educational show for kids?! ITS NOT EVEN OLD!! (2014 is when it started I think. That isn't even that long ago tbf), WHAT REASON DID THEY HAVE TO DELETE ALL THE EPISODES?! THEY HAVE THE MOST ABHORRENT CGI STUFF EVER ON THE IPLAYER, LIKE COCOMELON (which is literally proven to have bad effects on small children), AND A BUNCH OF OTHER USELESS SHOWS. It's not like they don't have room on the iplayer for it. Oh well, can't do anything about it.

Also series 6 annoys me so muchh like there was actually so much potential for it. The first 7 episodes are probably my favourite out of the whole show, and if Steve stayed for the whole series, it would definitely be the best one. The scrips were so great (apart from party animals, that one can rot in hell), but Chris let it down SO MUCH. He did some of the poorest acting EVER. He didn't even try half the time! He used his normal voice, not even attempting to sound remotely like how Robert should. He also kept on moving his arms in the most odd generic robot-like way, like constantly holding them at 90° to his body, which is NOT what Robert does. I mean Steve does do that sometimes, but it just seems much more natural than when Chris does. And obviously Chris and Justin don't have the greatest chemistry between them, so it seems more odd and awkward when the script makes them do friendship sort of stuff, like hug or hold hands or whatever. It is extremely difficult to get through an episode containing Chris, it just makes me cringe so much aaargh!! And sure, Chris had about 2 days to prepare for taking Steve's role, so I understand why at first his acting is a bit rubbish, since he didn't have time to fully examine how Steve plays the role. But the series was done throughout a few months, so he had time to prepare!!!! Which he didn't. Hopefully there'll be a series next year which will make up for it.

Also, wayy off topic, but I got a haircut yesterday so now I have short hair. AND IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. Long hair is the most overstimulating thing ever for me, and it was sooo annoying to constantly put up with it for years on end. I AM FREE NOW WOOHOO!!! Also I look kinda awesome now aswell. Double whammy.

I love typing useless paragraphs it's so fun because I doubt that over 3 people will ever read it. I could literally write all of my deepest darkest secrets here practically noone would ever know! Not that I would. That's dumb. It's actually so fun typing for ages though. I don't talk that much irl because..idk why actually. So it's like I can talk here instead!! Awesome.

[divorcecourtdad]

hi there! i just wanted to say that i think a majority of us (oilers fans) believe that what leon did to barkov wasn’t correct. headshots have no place in the league period. playoffs or not. the /real/ issue is the lack of standard in reffing right now. there’s mirror comparisons to foegele/bennett for the knee where they had ejected foegele for a non-injury, accidental collision. and also mirror comparisons to draisaitl/bennett where bennett had a flying headshot on broburg and didn’t even get called for it. the series is extremely tense, probably the worst i’ve seen in sports for a while, so i’d appreciate you not generalizing everyone in a community. we should all just be thankful that no one really got hurt. (except nurse ig idk if he’s coming back next game)

sorry for the novel. it’s just frustrating to see generalizations from an unrelated party in a tag that’s considered ‘for the fans’.

again, playoffs are different than regular hockey, and you cannot look at them in a vacuum. the plays and the players are sloppy, there are still only two refs on the ice and the two linespeople are still not allowed to make calls for any reason other than rule 81 (offside) and 83 (icing). the tattletale rule (32.4) is still in effect but when your linespeople are focused on ten people acting like they've never seen a hockey puck before, there are things they are all going to miss.

and when they do see it - the high sticking on hughes during the second round for instance - they make bullshit calls like kicking the victim of a transparent rule violation without calling the appropriate double minor:

[60.3 Double Minor Penalty - When a player carries or holds any part of his stick above the shoulders and makes contact with his opponent’s neck, face or head so that injury results, in the manner of drawing blood or otherwise, the Referee shall assess a double-minor penalty...]

because it's playoffs hockey. officiating playoffs hockey is hard, and i wouldn't want to do it. i don't know anyone that would want to do it. but when you look at the regular season, there are so many instances of teams getting reffed because connor mcdavid is connor mcdavid, and leon draisaitl is leon draisaitl, and "oh the 2997 oilers haven't won a cup yet".

and still, there is no such thing as consistent reffing in the playoffs babe. you're never going to get that. that's like asking for a popsicle in hell. all you're going to get during the playoffs is more extreme bias and more extreme "even it up" calls. just ask any canucks fan that was around in 2011.

if you actually watch the games too, you'll HEAR it in the commentary. i don't know how many times i've heard "if i would have done that, that would have been a call" from various panel members and color commentators while watching oilers games, regular season and otherwise.

and also like. tags are a method of blog indexing. they always have been. if you don't like what i have to say block me or filter out my blog name. do i need to treat you like the devils fans i had in my inbox spouting shit three months ago? because i had to speak to them like toddlers in order for some of them to understand how tumblr content filtering worked.

and no, the majority of you are not claiming that the hit draisaitl made on barkov was clean. there are a few of you on tumblr admitting that maybe it deserved a two minute minor. the rest of oilers fans on the internet and in real life are claiming it was a clean hit and that sasha barkov is a pussy who needs to go back to playing bantam hockey if he can't just get up and shake it off.

it's a really really good and helpful thing for you to stretch your legs and make friends that do not like your team. it centers your perspective on these things.

[perexcri]

Hello!!! You said you have been reading a lot of aus, could you please tell us about your favourite ones?

ahhh hello!! i would love to, because i've been really enjoying aus lately :D i haven't been reading as much fic as in the past because i've been trying to get through some books on my tbr list (of which there are too many, though i did finish one today!), but when i have been reading fics, it's been aus mainly!!

like i said in the other ask, you can always feel free to check out my bookmarks on ao3!! but here are a few of my current favs:

[hiding beneath the cut because it got way too long :) ]

tip-toeing on lily-pads by my beloved @cherryisgone. you might think i'm biased because it was given to me, and you would be correct in thinking that, but also, it's just?? so good?? the pining is off the charts, plus it's a kind of princess and the frog concept with prince Will and knight Mike. the writing is beautiful and has this lovely water imagery woven throughout it that i absolutely adored. idk what more someone could ask for tbh (except maybe a pt. 2 👀👉🏻👈🏻)

a new fight series by tea_for_one_please. this is a wonderful star wars au that does a fantastic job of weaving the main party members into the star wars universe and lore. i read it intermittently while i was visiting friends last month and really enjoyed my time with it. also, it's so well-written that i didn't realize how long the whole series was? apparently the entire series is the length of a book and i just. didn't know this until a few days ago lol. so yes, this one's fun for star wars/sci-fi vibes!!

fireball him! (cast protection) by @willow-lark. i'm a sucker for fantasy aus and this one is soooo so good!! again, maybe i'm biased because one of my stories is listed as inspiration, but i loved this thing. i saw it was posted last week while i was at work, and the second i got to take my lunch break, i flopped onto my couch to read it and was not disappointed. wonderful writing and an ending that left me with my jaw dropped. not that i'm still thinking about it :')

the manuscript by whereyouare. i'm humbly begging everyone to read this one because it's premise is just too good to pass up. it's an au where there's no Upside Down/supernatural stuff from the actual show. Will is a sci-fi author, and his publisher tells him his upcoming book is too cynical and the ending needs to be changed. it's such an interesting study of Will and refreshing take on his character, mostly because he's just...so cynical in this one? idk, maybe that's not for everyone, but i've enjoyed seeing a potential future Will where living in a small town and being in love with his (supposedly) straight best friend have hardened him more. it's fascinating and fun, so i highly recommend it!

warm by @notebooknonbinary. this one's a short fantasy au, but it's so sweet and soft. like i said, i'm a sucker for fantasy aus and have been writing with them a lot lately, so i always enjoy when i find a good one, and this one definitely fits the bill!

daydream by disaster_energy. this is a really fun d&d au where Will gets chosen by the moon goddess and Mike chooses to pledge to her paladin order. i especially loved the world-building in this one because it kinda reminded me of the percy jackson series - it was a perfect melding of a fantasy world with a modern one. plus it had plenty of pining, and i'll never complain about that lol

the vale of shadows by sevensided. another fantasy au!! this is the third installment in the dark mirror trilogy, which is one of my favorite things i've read ever in my life, fic or otherwise. i'm in love with this third installment and the recent update it got - the most recent 4 chapters have the perfect cottagecore vibes that made me melt. i love this whole series with all of my heart, and i'm so glad to see it in a fantasy au setting now

and it's not byler, but just for grins and giggles, i'm once again gonna rec sevensided's ronance one shot, nothing sacred / all things wild. i love this author's writing style, and she takes such an intense and interesting approach with these two characters by putting them in an FBI setting: Nancy is an agent recovering from a particularly traumatic mission, and Robin is her psychologist. they have a conversation and. well. Things Happen.

idk if you're specifically looking for recs anon, but if you're interested, i also have 2 fantasy aus and a vampire au i posted a few weeks ago!! they're some of my favorite things i've written and posted, and i really liked how the writing came out in them, so if you're interested, here they are:

fantasy aus: A Flower That Resembles You, the truth beneath the rose

vampire au: come to me again (in the cold, cold night)

happy reading!! if you have any recs, feel free to send some my way - i go through phases where i'll read more books than fic and vice versa, so it's only a matter of time until i'm glued to my phone burning through fics again lol

thanks for the ask, and thank you to all the lovely authors for creating such wonderful works for us to enjoy :D 💜💜💜

[strideofpride]

ooh, what did you have in mind for the post-series turning 40 au?? there are so few gg future fanfics depicting the leads in actual middle age versus being late 20s/early 30s, so that alone makes it sound like an interesting concept!!

Yeah, that's exactly why I wanna write it eventually! There are so few fics that really explore the characters past their early 30s, which is a shame, cause such a big theme of the show (at least at first) was the fear of becoming your parents.

I shared this brief snippet from the opening I wrote months and months ago, but my focus has been on other stuff and finishing like a rolling stone, and I just haven't felt like I've had the time to really devote myself to it the way I want to. Also it will probably be loosely inspired by Fleishman is in Trouble, so I wanna try to do a rewatch as well.

But yeah, basically this is my "oh my god I think we became our parents" fic for Serena, Dan, & Blair, and it will be from all three of their POVs. Serena & Dan have moved out to the suburbs because of the pandemic but you can't put an apex predator in the middle of nowhere like that, so Serena keeps spending more and more time in the city, while Dan is unhappily back in the suburbs with their two kids, trying and failing to get back to his artistic pursuits. Blair, meanwhile, has recently become a single mom to sixteen-year-old Henry (Chuck fucked off to TBD - but unlike in Fleishman, he will NOT be making any appearances) and reconnects with Nate and Serena after having been estranged since Trump & MeToo. And then that brings Dan and Blair back into each other's orbit and...there will be a dairfair. Eventually.

So yeah, that's kind of a very rough sketch of it. If you're familiar with Fleishman is in Trouble, it's not going to be a retelling the way like a rolling stone has become, I'm more planning on just taking some elements from it - namely, three old friends reconnecting after one of them gets divorced, a bad reunion party, and a speech about "when did we wake up and become our parents".

Maybe it will be my big project of 2024 idk.

[saucedxll]

you ever have a weird dream where once you wake up you sit there like "why tf did my brain think that"

(i feel like because of how weird this shit is CW: pedos & cutting pedos dix off)

i'll start, had a weird ass dream where i was on youtube and there was a video where ashnikko & like 10 other german girls go to 2 pedos house, who for some reason looked like rhett & link if rhett & link went throught decades of alcohol abuse and lack of self-care, they break into their houses, cut both their d!cks and sew they together.

i would put like "an artist rendition" of how this happened, but i'm 99.9% sure that being on the internet would be a WHOLE lot weirder knowing there's a drawing out there where i tried to draw what i'm about to describe, so imagine two... things, one cut in half & sewed on top in the MIDDLE of the other one & the other one's... head is cut off & replace with the rest of the first one, i know you're uncomfortable, i'm uncomfortable, everyone in this god forsaken process is umcomfortable, let's move one.

oh and did i mention this was a commentary video? cause the beginning was an uncensored video of what i just described and then some guy comes on screen to reveal that right after she did this, ash released a line of merch that... like, idk how to explain this so like here's a drawing:

my memory of this is foggy but i remember it being bright and looks like something you'd find in hot topic, and than in this dream she made an animated shocksite gore series, btw in this dream this vid was posted in 2019 and it was 2024 and in 2024 the internet had pretty much been wiped from any proof of this show and the site it was on, the only thing i could find of it was a screenshot of the homepage on google and i spent too much time on the drawing of merch i thought in a fucking dream so i'm not drawing this out, just imagine this homepage

with a dark teal and light teal theme, ashnikko's face in the top left corner and shockvideos

so like the dumbass i am, in this dream after a few minutes of searching i managed to pirate the show a.k.a. i found a reddit post from 2020 with a mp4 file that was a compilation of every episode, there was only 3 and each were barely 10 minutes long, y'know those neon animal posters from the early 2000s? like these

so imagine that combined with happy tree friend if the plot of each episode of cleary written by 2018/2019 "stupid boy" & "slumber party" ash, also one of the characters was wearing a slutever t-shirt so that's useless info but i may as well

anyways insert that weird dream switch and i'm back in my shitty neighborhood i just moved out of a month ago, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, anyways i walk into my friends houses which is just my old house but if my old house was from the show hoarders, i walk into the bedroom and a homeless man "breaks in" even tho they left the door wide open and all the windows were unlocked, i don't think literally anything happened after that and i'm suddenly in the school from the girl from nowhere but even more plain, one of my friends from my old school gives me a birthday card to give to my brother even tho his birthday's in may and it's the beginning of august, and just when i try to talk to her, her friend goes "umm no fuck that" and swoops in to take her to lunch

last thing i remember is me using microsoft word and i'm trying to write "emily youcis" but for some fvcking reason a type "elmly enncis" also the alfred's playhouse theme is playing at one volume on loop

i wake up, pondered my sanity for a few seconds, had to write emily youcis out on paper because i know that i know how to spell this woman's name and some what moved on

thanks for reading my rant!!!11!11!

[woozarts]

i probably am one of your day ones because i still remember when you switched to husbandjoshi for april fools, you trolled so many people (including me) 😭😭

i took a two week break from uni a few weeks ago and im stressed right now 😭 having so many side jobs (part times) and being a full time uni student is HARD.

OH OH i went to this birthday party last month and oh my god let me tell you smth. i don’t know if you’ve read the twisted series by ana huang but the girl who’s party i went to arranged their party the same way ava’s birthday party from twisted hate was arranged like they booked a really pricey restaurant and decorated it with like really pretty stuff!!

i hate rich people showing off what they can do for their birthdays BUT i love the girl who’s party i went to (she is a really good friend of mine now)

:))

also there was (is) this really big beef between two girls from my anatomy lecture, let’s call them cindy and olivia.

what i know about the beef is that cindy and olivia had a really big fight like an actual fist fight because of something and their boyfriends, when like trying to separate them accidentally like carried the other girl (not their girlfriends) so like:

cindy’s boyfriend grabbed olivia and olivia’s boyfriend grabbed cindy instead of their own girlfriends

it caused such a big conspiracy through the whole building like people thought the boyfriends were cheating on their girlfriends and all. idk what happened afterwards tho

but yea that’s a tea i hv from uni and then happening in the future?

OH your girl here is joining the uni debate club and photography club from next week 🤩🤩🤩

joining the debate club as co head and the photography club as co chair 🤩🤩

what are your plans for the weekend? and april fools especially 😏😏???

haven't been in tumblr a lot recently so seeing people send you happy belated birthday has me shocked at how long it's been since i've joined tumblr and found out about your blog(s). i remember sending you a happy birthday last year, and have probably also sent you one the year before as well. i'm here again this year to wish you a happy belated fucking birthday lily. i hope you have a really nice one this year.

i hope med school is treating you well. tell me which hospital you're gonna practice in after med school so that i (and your moots) can visit you :)

love you lots xx

-rai 🐨

this is genuinely sooooo sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 thank you so much!!!! it’s always such a shock to see ppl who have been here for a while! i’ve only been here for a little over a year actually so you’re rlly one of my day ones and i can’t be more grateful for that :’)

i’m actually working in the hospital this week which has been sooo fun and then i’m on spring break so def a slower week for me! i’m loving being here tho and i’m happy i’m finding time to write again. i hope you’ve been doing well too! anything exciting or fun going on recently or happening in the future?