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delusion-of-negation · 3 years ago

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top 10 (ish) ridiculous or annoying FAQs:

(click at your own discretion)

1) "kids today rely on others to do everything"

ah yes, damn those participation trophies! if it wasn't for them my hands wouldn't be fucked, and I wouldn't need people to write for me. but seriously, stop reading boomer comics, and go outside to meet some actual young people.

2) "sus that a non-american says mom"

yeah, because it's clearly the superior version, and I'm not too patriotic to concede a defeat.

3) "sweaty, the victims of abuse by catholics are real people, stop appropriating their pain just because you want to hate catholics; plus teachers abuse people just as often anyway"

so firstly, I don't hate anybody. and secondly, regarding the fact that victims really do exist, [insert "of course I know him, he's me" meme here]; although I don't often talk much about the abuse I went through or what my religious beliefs are. but, more importantly, statements like "survivors are people" can be phrased like "some people are survivors", and when you're unable to act according to the latter (like when you don't even consider that somebody might be one) then you display a failure to recognise the former - you're projecting; a survivor can't be appropriating their own pain, but you can be appropriating it to silence one. and thirdly, teachers do abuse - the problem isn't and has never been purely religion, rather that abuse is often done by somebody in a position of trust, power, and familiarity; and that the lack of a global minimum enables totally legal abuse on top of the illegal stuff. people with access and respect have more opportunity to abuse than those without, and that goes for teachers too. but, once again, you can be appropriating the pain of survivors to deflect and silence people. please remember this before you say that shit.

4) "get help/therapy"

way ahead of you - years ahead of you. but it's not magic - people who say this often act as if you'll start behaving differently overnight. not only are some things simply beyond the ability of talking therapy to completely rectify, it also takes time and has to be selective. you've got to pick your priorities, and that's definitely not whatever ship or joke you're mad at me about today. therapy is a slow, arduous process that can't guarantee results - it isn't "anti-recovery" to recognise that, it's honesty. while I've been in therapy for a long time, it is not necessarily going to change whatever you don't like about me - whether that's because it can't, because my focus now is on more important or urgent things, or because I don't want to change that.

5a) "tell your family you ship incest, see how that goes; normal people find it disgusting"

actually, some know, and they're fine with it. in fact, one prefers sibling pairings in fiction to all other dynamics because, to paraphrase, "it's a deeper level of messed up co-dependence". so unfortunately for you, my remaining family (by which I mean those not dead or cut out of my life after abuse and so forth) actually are able to distinguish between fiction and reality. plus, my reasoning for caring if they find it gross or not pertains only to recommending books and such - their opinions do not dictate my tastes.

5b) "don't sexualise/appropriate incestuous abuse" and "I bet you enjoyed being raped" and other attempts to upset me over 5a

firstly, as I've already said here, survivors can't be appropriating ourselves. in addition, you're not owed people's history or trauma - it's not okay to require people's personal information, or else you'll send anon hate and accusations of appropriation. secondly, I'm not sexualising our abuse (not just because I write horror, and so a lot of my writing is intended to be creepy, not sexy); these stories aren't about us, they're not us at all. entire dynamics/people (fictional or otherwise) aren't all going to be applicable to us or identical to us, just because they have something in common with us; they're not us and they're not accountable to us. thirdly, the fact that people send this stuff (attempting to trigger people's trauma over ships) is so much more worrying to me than somebody making our communal imaginary friends kiss. you're trying to hurt people. and finally, to the "I bet you enjoyed it" crowd (if you're at all serious): do you think you'd enjoy being in a real zombie apocalypse, alone, afraid, and really at risk of being eaten alive? a fictional scenario does not feel remotely the same as a real one. this isn't rocket science - things that look like you aren't you; fiction isn't reality; don't send anon hate. (edit: comparable "just leave me alone, I'm not hurting anyone" sentiments for yandere stuff, and anything else you decide I'm naughty for.)

6) "you'll be sent off to do manual labour once your communist revolution happens"

while I don't know why people think that I'm a communist, a dictatorial regime probably isn't going to want me to do manual labour. they're more likely to just shoot me; I'm useless and a liability. call me crazy, but something tells me that "ah yes, we shall give ze deranged cripple ze power tools" isn't the communist position.

7a) "they/them can't be singular pronouns"

yes they can, and they're used as such in both shakespeare and the bible. but you don't have to say this - I'm also okay with he/him, so you could've just used those and chilled out. also, do I look like somebody who views the rules of grammar as fully immutable and imperative?

7b) "enbies/aros/pan/etc aren't valid"

do you really think that you're going to change any hearts or minds by putting that in my ask box or under my funny maymays? chill out, it's not worth the effort - you could be planning a party (in minecraft) and having fun instead. it isn't worth my time to rant at everybody who's saying something isn't valid, updating how I'm explaining it as my opinions grow and general discourse around it evolves; I'm just who I am, somebody else is who they are - why bicker in presumptuous ways about if that's enough? it ultimately is valid, in my opinion, but that isn't an invitation to keep demanding that I debate. (edit: old posts of mine probably don't phrase things incredibly, on this or anything... I tried.)

8) "what are your politics?"

my politics are informed first and foremost by the knowledge that I'm not cut out to be some kind of leader - I don't want to be the guy who tells everyone else what to do, I just offer what seem to me like valid criticisms of how we are doing things now, and general pointers on the values and ethics that I would prefer to move towards. things like individual freedom, taking the most pacifist route where possible, trying not to give excessive power to small groups of people (governments or corporations), helping those in need even when they're not palatable, and letting me suck loads of dicks. but please refrain from decreeing me something - there's not enough information in what I said, so you'll just be filling in the blanks with assumptions. (edit: workplace democracy seems cool to me; benefits are good; fair fines and taxes; and the "sperm makes you loopy" saga: 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

9) "you're a narcissist"

no, I don't meet the diagnostic criteria. joking on the internet that you're hot doesn't make a person a narcissist. the fact that I've chosen to keep my actual self-esteem issues to myself is not proof that they don't exist - you're just not entitled to that information about me. but it's also not narcissism to really like how you look. (edit: don't throw labels around carelessly too.)

10a) "kin list?"

the fabric of the universe, a zombie, dionysus, maned wolf/arctic fox hybrid, a comedian, big gay, big rock, ambiguously partial insincerity. (edit: kin list may or may not be incomplete.)

10b) "kin isn't valid/that's just being insane"

haven't we established that I'm deranged, and that sending stuff like this on anon is simply a waste of your precious time? besides, I do not care if it's invalid or insane - it's fun, I'm happy. (edit: see 7b for my opinion on sending me yet another ask with "that's invalid" in it; I'm not in the mood to discuss the nature of validity.)

bonus: "it gets better" and "trigger list?"

as I've said before, things just don't always get better for everyone - sometimes things can't be cured or even treated, sometimes they kill you; in some cases it could get better if not for a blockade or lack of time. the world is messy. it needs to be more normalised to reassure or comfort people without relying on saying that their issue will get better or be cured. it does suck to be this ill, but it also sucks to be made out to be a lazy pessimist, just because I have the audacity to not play along. and as for the trigger list, I don't like providing people with an easily accessed list of ways to hurt my feelings or harm me - upsetting me is supposed to be challenging, and thus rewarding. if you want a cheat sheet then you're out of luck, I'm afraid.

bonus #2: "FAQ stands for frequently asked questions, it doesn't need that s at the end!"

yeah, I know, I just enjoy chaos and disarray.

bonus #3 (edit): "what are your disabilities and how exactly are they incurable and/or deadly?"

again, I don't tell the internet everything about me, especially when it poses a risk, especially not as an easily accessible list for you to refer back to whenever you feel inclined to hurt my feelings. that is understandably a sore subject. (edit: that includes physical health issues btw.)

bonus #4 (edit): "so we shouldn't be critical?"

if it wasn't clear from my answer about politics or my post in general, you can have opinions about things, and you can voice that. it's just not realistic to exist at extremes: to think that you alone should dictate what exists in fiction, or to think that people shouldn't be expressing disdain or criticism of any calibur. say how you feel about things, that's fine, but it's also fine if people find that they don't value your input. plus we're all flawed, we can all be hypocritical from time to time, we all get bitchy, and we all make mistakes, or even knowingly fuck things up. that's important to keep in mind, whether we're talking about the one being criticised or the one doing the criticising - poor choices of words, imperfect tone, or contradictory ideas are inevitably going to happen occasionally.

congrats on reaching the end! if you have, at any point, said one of these to me, you owe a hug to your nearest loved one (once it's safe).

edit: might add more links/bonus points in the future when I think of things, but it's late now. (sorry for links where prior notes in the thread have my old url, that may get a tad confusing; also, not all links are my blog or my op, since it is to illustrate points/vibes, not to self-promo.)

#don't take life too seriously #nobody gets out alive anyway #tw abuse mention #tw csa mention #tw incest mention #tw for any tws I missed #idk why I did this

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rockislandadultreads · 4 years ago

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Brain Food: books about the human mind

From Bacteria to Bach and Back: The Evolution of Minds by Daniel C. Dennett

How did we come to have minds? For centuries, poets, philosophers, psychologists, and physicists have wondered how the human mind developed its unrivaled abilities. Disciples of Darwin have explained how natural selection produced plants, but what about the human mind? In From Bacteria to Bach and Back, Daniel C. Dennett builds on recent discoveries from biology and computer science to show, step by step, how a comprehending mind could in fact have arisen from a mindless process of natural selection. A crucial shift occurred when humans developed the ability to share memes, or ways of doing things not based in genetic instinct. Competition among memes produced thinking tools powerful enough that our minds don’t just perceive and react, they create and comprehend. An agenda-setting book for a new generation of philosophers and scientists, From Bacteria to Bach and Back will delight and entertain all those curious about how the mind works.

The Tale of the Dueling Neurosurgeons: The History of the Human Brain as Revealed by True Stories of Trauma, Madness, and Recovery by Sam Kean

From the author of the bestseller The Disappearing Spoon, tales of the brain and the history of neuroscience. Early studies of the functions of the human brain used a simple method: wait for misfortune to strike-strokes, seizures, infectious diseases, lobotomies, horrendous accidents-and see how the victim coped. In many cases survival was miraculous, and observers could only marvel at the transformations that took place afterward, altering victims' personalities. An injury to one section can leave a person unable to recognize loved ones; some brain trauma can even make you a pathological gambler, pedophile, or liar. But a few scientists realized that these injuries were an opportunity for studying brain function at its extremes. With lucid explanations and incisive wit, Sam Kean explains the brain's secret passageways while recounting forgotten stories of common people whose struggles, resiliency, and deep humanity made modern neuroscience possible.

The Self Beyond Itself: An Alternative History of Ethics, the New Brain Sciences, and the Myth of Free Will by Heidi Ravven

Few concepts are more unshakable in Western culture than free will, the idea that people are fundamentally free to make good or bad decisions. Scholar Heidi M. Ravven throws a wrench into this conventional view, calling free will a myth that reflects the still-powerful influence of Christian theology on our popular thinking. The Self Beyond Itself offers a riveting and accessible review of modern neuroscientific research into the brain's capacity for decision-making — from mirror neurons and self-mapping to surprising new understandings of the dynamics of group psychology. Ultimately, this research points to the profound, virtually inescapable social influences on moral choices. Ravven shows that it is possible to build a theory of ethics that doesn't rely on free will yet still holds both individuals and groups responsible for the decisions that help create a good society. Drawing especially on the work of Spinoza, she introduces readers to a rich philosophical tradition that finds uncanny confirmation in modern neuroscience. The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds by Michael Lewis

Forty years ago, Israeli psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky wrote a series of breathtakingly original papers that invented the field of behavioral economics. One of the greatest partnerships in the history of science, Kahneman and Tversky’s extraordinary friendship incited a revolution in Big Data studies, advanced evidence-based medicine, led to a new approach to government regulation, and made much of Michael Lewis’s own work possible. In The Undoing Project, Lewis shows how their Nobel Prize–winning theory of the mind altered our perception of reality.

The Science of Sin: The Psychology of the Seven Deadlies (and Why They Are So Good For You) by Simon M. Laham

Pride, lust, gluttony, greed, envy, sloth, and anger. They’re considered “deadly” because of their capacity to generate other evils. The truth is, we all sin and we do it all the time—in fact, usually several times over before breakfast! But human behavior, argues social psychologist Simon Laham, is more complex than “good” or “evil.” In psychology, these sins aren’t considered morally wrong or even uniformly bad, but are treated rather as complex and interesting psychological states that if, indulged wisely, can be functional, adaptive, and lead to a range of positive effects. The Science of Sin takes on these so-called sins one by one and through psychological research shows that being bad can be oh-so-good for you. Did you know that: · Being slow and lazy can help you win the race? · Anger makes you more open-minded? · Coveting what others have not only makes you more creative but bolsters self- esteem? So go ahead, eat that last cookie and kick back on the couch for a day of TV with your neighbor’s boyfriend—from gluttony to greed, envy to lust, Laham shows how even the deadliest, most decadent of vices can make you smart, successful, and happy.

Idiot Brain: What Your Head Is Really Up To by Dean Burnett

The brain is an absolute marvel—the seat of our consciousness, the pinnacle (so far) of evolutionary progress, and the engine of human experience. But it’s also messy, fallible, and about 50,000 years out of date. We cling to superstitions, remember faces but not names, miss things sitting right in front of us, and lie awake at night while our brains endlessly replay our greatest fears. Idiot Brain is for anyone who has ever wondered why their brain appears to be sabotaging their life—and what on earth it is really up to.

#nonfiction #non-fiction #nonfiction books #physcology #brain books #the human mind #science #science books #reading recommendations #book recs #library #to read #tbr #booklr #booklist

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arofili · 4 years ago

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HURT/COMFORT EXCHANGE PROMPTS:

This is a very sketchy list of prompts for the Hurt/Comfort exchange. Feel free to ignore/adapt these as you choose. My TPP prompts are in the signup itself, not in this letter; this just has Tolkien prompts. My Russingon prompts are all grouped together despite being split into two different requests in the signup. See my signup for DNWs/general likes/canon preferences.

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Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo (hurt Maedhros) Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo (hurt Fingon) Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo (both hurt) the OTP <3 I just love em. Most of these are going to be hurt Maedhros, but hurt Fingon is ALSO very good, I love it when the expected dynamic is inverted. But the expected dynamic is expected because it’s VERY GOOD CONTENT, so go with that if you want to!!

Character discovers their friends have been defending them behind their back: Maedhros discovers Fingon has been fighting his battles for him, has mixed feelings about this

Character A reassures Character B they are still loved: this is the GOOD SHIT. fingon reassuring Mae he is still loved post-Thang ;-;

Experiencing Another's Pain Through Psychic Bond, Soul bond means A can feel B's pain even when B is trying to hide it: could work either way, but probably Mae having a flashback to Angband or his aches and pains getting to him, and Fingon can tell even when he tries to hide it

Body worship focusing on the scars and aftermath of trauma: Finno still finding Mae extremely sexy post-Thang

Careful Sex Because One Partner Is Injured/Ill: post-Thang first time? or maybe Fingon gets injured in a minor battle but is still very horny, lol

Carrying sick/hurt/exhausted character to bed: tiny but buff finno carrying his giant husband to bed!!!

Character A hurts Character B (at their request) during sex but Character A immediately regrets it: Fingon hurts Maedhros at Mae’s request, immediately regrets it - basically kink/boundary negotiation

Masochistic sub asks for more pain than they really want: the inverse of the above prompt

Character A is in despair and Character B offers hope: this is literally The Russingon Dynamic, i love it SO much!! bonus points if Finno literally shares his hope/estel with Maedhros through their soul bond

Character A made to live through/experience B's worst memory: more soul bond angst :)) Finno reliving one of Mae’s worst moments? or Mae realizing Just How Bad the Ice was?

Past Rape Accidental Reveal - Consensual Sex Causes Flashbacks To Previous Rape, Character A reveals they know something B has tried to hide and reassures B that it changes nothing: Maedhros tries to hide something that happened to him in Angband (probably sexual abuse but it could be something else), Finno had already figured it out and it didn’t mean change how he felt about Mae, but it still really bothered Mae - now Finno realizes how much it’s bothering Mae, and reassures him

Character believes they're (turning into) a monster: post-Thang orc Mae??? 👀

Character didn't want to be brought back to life: Mae committed himself to Everlasting Darkness, thought he was beyond forgiveness/redemption, killed himself so he would Cease To Be - but now he’s suddenly reborn and has to deal with that, with Finno’s help of course

Hurt A expects B to take advantage of them. Is stunned when B doesn't, Character expects to be punished but is unexpectedly comforted instead: post-Thang Mae in a fucked up mental state expects Finno to punish him for some minor indiscretion, but Finno comforts instead

Past Rape Accidental Reveal - Consensual Sex Causes Flashbacks To Previous Rape, panic attack during the first time they try to have sex after rape, Dissociating During Sex, Consensual Sex Causes Flashbacks To Previous Trauma, Character Should Safeword But Doesn't, Character has no sense of their own boundaries: post-Thang Mae struggling to understand consent and dealing with sexual trauma ;-;

Character increasingly bothered that their love interest walks so willingly into danger: Mae has a not-so-subtle death wish, Finno gets upset that he cares so little about himself

Character used to past traumatic sexual experiences is confused by genuinely loving partner: post-Thang Mae with Fingon. in this case, bonus points for them getting together for the first time AFTER Angband, so Mae only has bad sexual experiences before this...

Characters live together while one recovers from hurt: Maedhros lingers by Fingon’s side for longer than he really /needs/ to post-Thang

Coping with past rape through sex: this one probably makes more sense if they were already together before Angband, Mae learning to enjoy sex with Fingon again. Maybe Finno expects that Mae will only want to be on top given what happened in Angband, but actually Sauron liked to force Mae to be the top, so he prefers bottoming now?

dealing with grief by fucking: post-Bragollach Fingon is grieving but doesn’t want to think about it so he fucks his husband instead

edgeplay due to thin line between kink and trigger: post-Thang Maedhros figuring out his boundaries

Slow Burn - Soulbonding is the only way for A to save seriously injured B's life, healing energy transfer accidental soulbond: immediately post-Thang, Maedhros is bleeding out and Fingon soulbonds with him to save his life. could be that they were pining but not together before this, OR that they had a messy breakup and this comes at a really awkward stage in their relationship but now they’re basically married

Humor as way of dealing with pain/trauma: Mae with gallows humor that makes everyone uncomfortable...except for Fingon, who Gets It

Impact Play - inflicting pain until character breaks down in much-needed emotional catharsis: Maedhros deserves to get spanked until he can cry :)

just because they're immortal doesn't mean they can't suffer: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA this is just. THE ENTIRE SILM. ESPECIALLY these two.

kink(s) as coping mechanism: Mae has now figured out what his boundaries are, and Finno has too, and now instead of it being scary they can just enjoy tying Mae up and hitting him and Finno being possessive

Loyal character loses object of their devotion; doesn't know what to do with their life now: fealty kink!!!! but post-Nirn :)))))))

Mutual pining during slow recovery from near-fatal injury: Russingon getting together post-Thang

Physically Injured Character Comforting Emotionally Distressed Character: Fingon is extremely upset about having cut Mae’s hand off, Mae comforts him

Slow gentle hesitant touches to help character who's used to rough or falsely-gentle touches: Finno helping Mae relearn to enjoy touch

Touch-Starved - Only seeks out touch from one trusted person: no one dares touch the infamously stoic Lord of Himring...except for Fingon, who drapes himself all over him whenever he visits...is Lord Maedhros just tolerating the prince for political reasons? but wait...is he leaning into the touch???

Touch-Starved Character Having Overwhelming Tender Long Foreplay First Time Sex: first time post-Thang, Fingon is incredibly gentle and loving which is really overwhelming for Mae (in a good way)

Accidental arousal while cuddling for comfort: mutual pining (probably in Valinor)

Being bathed while mutually pining: post-Thang pre-relationship, Finno is the only one Mae trusts to bathe him

Character A Confesses Feelings Because They Think Character B is Unconscious: Finno thinks Mae is unconscious post-Thang? OR recovery period time, they’re sharing a bed bc Finno passed out exhausted from a long day of tending to Mae and Mae confesses when he thinks Finno is asleep

Character A thinks they are unworthy of Character B: Maedhros thinks he’s not good enough for Fingon - bonus points if this is BEFORE Angband, and he’s always had self-worth issues

Character(s) ashamed of their sexual desires: very similar to the above, Maedhros has always had messed up ideas about what he Should Feel

Characters Are In Love But Duty Will Keep Them Apart Forever Until Something Makes Them Do It: idiots mutually pining <3 perhaps an arranged marriage situation??

Comforted with homemade meal: Mae’s love language is food, he makes something for hurt!Finno

Comforter tries to comfort with a homemade meal. It doesn't end well: Mae’s love language is food, so when he needs comfort Finno tries to make something for him, but Finno is a terrible cook

Comforter stunned by how much comfortee trusts them: Finno doesn’t understand how Maedhros can still love him after he cut Mae’s hand off

Comforting character is in denial about attraction to other character: MUTUAL. PINING. and repressed Mae :))

Delirious hurt character & comforter are hiding their relationship from other people present: post-Thang married-in-Valinor, Finno shows up with Mae on eagleback and it’s very hard to keep their relationship a secret when they’re upset like this and Mae is delirious with pain

Estranged Characters - Injured A shows Up on B's doorstep Saying "I didn't know where else to go": This would probably be some sort of AU (like a modern AU, idk) where Russingon broke up ages ago but suddenly Mae shows up on Finno’s doorstep and they have a long and awkward getting-back-together process :’)

Fate tries to keep them apart: is this not just canon? :(

Gentle Kissing: SOFT BOYS PLS

Hair Brushing: hair kink!!!!!

A has to listen to loved one B being slandered/insulted/mocked: Finno has to listen to people shittalking his husband, he can only hold it in so long before he goes off on them

pining character thinks object of their affection loves someone else, Nervous about confessing love - Misunderstands and thinks it's for someone else: GOD TIER MISCOMMUNICATION TROPE, i love this shit, especially if it’s Mae who messes up so bad Finno misinterprets and Mae is usually very eloquent but NOT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS

Pining character reveals their feelings while not quite lucid (hurt/drunk/etc.): a young drunk Finno confesses to Mae in Valinor? Mae confesses to Finno for the first time in the midst of his haze of pain post-Thang?

A protects B despite damage to their own reputation: Finno will stand up for Maedhros NO MATTER WHAT

Refusing to Leave Other Character's Side: Maedhros and Fingon stick together no matter what - possibly an AU where things go a bit better?

A rejects B despite the pining being mutual due to insecurity/outside circumstances: this is another EXCELLENT trope for these two, especially in mutual pining in Valinor - Maitimo wants Finno very badly but is convinced the politics of it will make it impossible, Finno keeps trying anyway until finally Mae loses his resolve

Secret Relationship Revealed - Consequences Are Disastrous/Deadly: ...and maybe Mae was RIGHT and when they get found out All Hell Breaks Loose

Committing a moral wrong for the sake of other character: Finno rushing into save Maedhros at Alqualondë :)))) and knowing he’d do it again even if he understood what was going on......

Curse Breaking: TRUE LOVE DEFEATS THE OATH

Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies doesn't mean Nobody Hurt: Finno survives the Nirn...at a Cost

Falling Asleep As A Sign Of Trust: Maedhros has trouble sleeping, but he can relax around Finno ;-;

Character has to learn new way of fighting following injury: Finno helping Mae to learn to fight with his left hand

Character Can Never Make Up For Murder: Maedhros and Fingon both grappling with being Kinslayers

Hurt character who believes they don’t deserve comfort begins to accept they do and accepts comfort: this is EVERYTHING i want,, Maedhros learning to love himself!!!!! AHHHHHH

Pining A saves B's life at great cost to themself then hides it from them: pre-relationship, Finno saves Mae from Thangorodrim but keeps nobly pining all on his lonesome despite Maedhros dropping every hint that he’s madly in love with Fingon

Sharing a bed with hurt character while mutually pining: delicious at any time, but especially if they’re sharing a bed during Mae’s recovery time post-Thang

Recovery from permanent loss of limb(s); love interest builds/brings a prosthetic for them: the Noldor are a crafty people, I bet you even Fingon was a bit of a smith! he makes a prosthetic for Mae :) OR he bugs Curufin to make one and delivers it to Mae

Waking from a happy dreamworld to a painful reality: soft fluffy Russingon.........except it was a dream and when Mae wakes up Finno is dead :)))))))))))

Waking up from nightmares while sharing a bed: Mae has a nightmare post-Thang, Finno comforts him

Helping hurt character to dress/undress: erotic undressing and scar reveals post-Thang? 👀

~~~

Maedhros | Maitimo & Maglor | Makalaurë (both hurt) Maedhros | Maitimo & Sons of Fëanor (hurt Maedhros) Maedhros & Maglor & Elrond & Elros (hurt Maedhros & Maglor) Maedhros & Maglor & Elrond & Elros (hurt Elrond & Elros) I requested this with Kidnap Dads in mind, but there’s a few ideas I have for Maedhros + bros angst too :) Overall, please hurt Maedhros (and then comfort him) - even when E&E are the ones hurt, I imagine their guardians will be upset for them!

Anniversary of a traumatic experience: for Kidnap Dads, the anniversary of the attack on Sirion. for Mae + bros, anniversary of Fëanor’s death? or the Nírnaeth? or Mae’s capture? something like that.

Character discovers their friends have been defending them behind their back: shortly post-Thangorodrim, Mae discovers that his brothers have been defending him against people who no longer trust him because of his time in captivity

Character draws negative attention onto themself to protect another, Fighting to protect someone while injured yourself: Mae defending E&E from an outside threat!!

Character A reassures Character B they are still loved: Mae’s bros reassure him, or Mae and Mags reassure E&E

Memory issues make character forget details about their friends: post-Thangorodrim Mae with memory issues

Character draws negative attention onto themself to protect another, Character A claims they're Character B to save B from danger: Elrond or Elros pretend they are the other one so early-KD M&M will get mad at him instead of his brother (but M&M aren’t actually mad)

Character A is in despair and Character B offers hope: E&E & Maglor giving Maedhros hope in late-stage Beleriand!!!!

character A overhears sth that makes A think character B doesn't want/like A anymore (A is wrong): Maedhros overhears something that makes him think his brothers/the twins hate him?

Character A panics/overreacts over B's minor hurt/illness: M&M overreact to E&E’s minor ailment because elves don’t get sick but the twins are peredhil!

Character A sees Character B cry for the first time: E&E see Maedhros cry for the first time

Character A's parents disapprove of Character B: I know this is meant for like, romantic interests, but the image of E&E’s two sets of parents disapproving of each other is hilarious. Please don’t have either of them be Truly Awful Parents, but animosity/tension between them (much to E&E’s dismay) is excellent

Fix-it - Character survives canonical death, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies doesn't mean Nobody Hurt, Character expected to die but didn't and has no idea how to live anymore. Other helps & comforts: Maedhros lives AU!!!

Character isn't used to being loved and shown tenderness/affection: touch-starved Mae who hasn’t been properly loved since Fingon died ;-; (not for Maglor’s lack of trying but he also had a lot going on, and kids are better at getting through to Mae in any case)

Character taken prisoner; expects torture/humiliation; gets kind & honorable treatment: E&E expect the worst from M&M, but M&M immediately start being their dads

Character who can't offer much comfort does what little they can: Maedhros doing what he can to comfort E&E

Character who thinks they aren't well-liked is shown evidence that other people like them: E&E help Maedhros see how much the Fëanorian followers respect him

Character who's killed before comforts character forced to kill in self-defense: OH BOY this is a BIG OOF. I was specifically thinking of magical healing here, Maedhros and Maglor trying everything they can to keep Elrond and Elros from having to kill but then Elrond does have to kill something and he’s really beaten up about it, and Maedhros comforts him

Tolkien: Healing power blocked by killing: very similar to the above prompt - Maedhros used to be a healer but can’t anymore, still tries to teach Elrond; Elrond feels powerless because to heal he can’t fight

Characters know exactly how to hurt each other emotionally: Maglor and Maedhros being absolutely vicious to each other in KD era, E&E comfort them and get them to make up

Childhood Nightmare Turns Out To Be Very Real: E&E grew up hearing horror stories from Elwing about the Second Kinslaying, now it’s the Third Kinslaying

Comforted with homemade meal: Mae who loves to cook!!!! comfort food for the twins!! comfort food for his bros after an argument!!

Comforting Cuddle Piles: Mae is feeling down in Valinor and his bros all pile on top of him :’) or KD era would also be excellent

Curse Breaking: E&E are immune to curses, and help M&M defeat the Oath?

Family Feels - Fraught Sibling Relationship: This could go for any of Mae’s sibling relationships, but specifically early days KD era Mae and Maglor have been mean to each other for a long time since the Nirn, but now having the responsibility of E&E they have to work together again

Hostage Situations, Guilt-stricken character does good deeds to try and make up for past actions: Is this not M&M adopting E&E?

Hair Brushing: ELF HAIR TRADITIONS! bonus points if it’s different/not so important for humans/Sindar elves, but Valinorean elves like M&M place a huge emphasis on hair care

Having A Difficult Relationship With A Parental Figure: E&E looking back on their time with M&M and/or the abandonment they faced with Elwing and Eärendil (please no character bashing, but complicated feelings is good)

Hurt/sick character hides their own condition to allow less hurt/sick character to be treated: Maedhros hides his hurt so E&E can be taken care of first :)))

loss of voice: Maglor loses his voice, E&E & Maedhros care for him

music used to cause harm: Maglor teaching E&E songs of power!!!

musical healing: Maglor teaching Elrond magical/musical healing

Sibling unexpectedly cares/helps: Maglor expects no help with E&E from Maedhros, Maedhros immediately goes into dad mode anyway

Sleeping in the same bed because one character is too scared to sleep alone: E&E crawl into Mae’s bed after a nightmare when they usually go to Mags instead

Smaller/Weaker Character Tries to Shield Hurt Character With Their Body: M and/or M get hurt, E&E try to protect them despite being Baby

Unexpected Mercy - Character Who Believes They'll Be Tortured/Killed Begs Mercy For Another: Elrond begging M&M for Elros to be saved or vice versa

Traumatic discovery of biological parentage: this is the odd one out here, but it’s related I promise - Russingon baby Gil-galad realizes that Maedhros is his dad, is really upset by that, but E&E help him cope

~~~

Finrod Felagund | Findaráto/Turgon of Gondolin (hurt Turgon) Aredhel & Turgon of Gondolin (hurt Turgon) These are mostly Turgoldo ship prompts, but there are a few sibling relationship ones too!

Aromantic character unsure how to comfort friend with relationship troubles: Aredhel having trouble comforting Turgon amidst his pre-marriage woes? Or even worse, her having trouble comforting him after Elenwë’s death

Pining after your best friend who just lost their significant other: FINROD @ TURGON

Anniversary of a traumatic experience: anniversary of Elenwë’s death :(

Accidental arousal while cuddling for comfort: Finrod and Turgon on the Ice, Finrod is Very Aware of his crush and is super embarrassed OR Turgon hates himself for getting aroused so soon after he lost Elenwë

after much pining & almost dying A (bloody & bruised) comes straight to B & kisses them in public: post-battle Turgon finally reciprocates Finrod’s love ;-;

Being Cared for by Their Unrequited Love Interest: Turgon being cared for by Finrod, he knows Finrod is in love with him and wishes he could reciprocate, OR Finrod thinks his love is unrequited but Turgon is really just horrible with feelings

Character A Confesses Feelings Because They Think Character B is Unconscious: I was thinking Finrod to Turgon here, but also the other way around would be 👀

Character A panics when B starts crying during/after first-time sex; B reassures/comforts A: Turgon gets very overwhelmed when losing his virginity? OR Turgon gets very overwhelmed (with guilt?) having sex for the first time after losing Elenwë? OR Finrod gets very overwhelmed because he never thought he’d actually have this with Turgon?

Survivor Guilt, Character blames self for what they went through: Turgon blaming himself for Elenwë’s death :))))

Character Finally gets a Hug: Turgon gets hugs despite trying to push people away ;-;

Character's lie has unintended terrible consequences on loved one: Turgon lies by omission about Aredhel’s death (he lets Fingon think she’s still alive)? Finrod pretends he’s over his crush on Turgon JUST when Turgon finally reciprocates?

Character(s) ashamed of their sexual desires: Turgon is massively repressed

Comfort focusing on little hurt because the big hurt is massive and unapproachable: Aredhel and/or Finrod dealing with some minor injury and not mentioning Elenwë’s death

Comforting character is in denial about attraction to other character: Turgon @ Finrod

Comforting someone who is dealing with grief and loss and has shut themselves off from everyone: Turgon is almost nonresponsive after Elenwë’s death, Finrod and Aredhel take turns caring for him and for Idril

Nearly losing someone reveals deeper feelings, First kiss after almost dying: Near-death experience leads Finrod to impulsively kiss Turgon!!

Hair Brushing: elf hair kink pleaaasseee, this is especially relevant to Finrod tbh

Trapped/Injured in a Cave-In, Snowed In - A gets hypothermia and pining B has to cuddle them back to health, Huddling For Warmth: on the Ice :))

Inexperienced Character is Afraid of Not Being Able to Sexually Please Experienced Partner: Turgon @ Finrod

Longing For Home: this is literally why Turgon built Gondolin to look like Tirion...probably Aredhel comforting him here

Losing beloved: Turgon losing Elenwë...and then maybe his reaction to losing Finrod too :(

Pining character reveals their feelings while not quite lucid (hurt/drunk/etc.): an injured Finrod blurts out his feelings for Turgon? a drunk Turgon confesses he loves Finrod? - either way they were Not Ready for that revelation

pining character thinks object of their affection loves someone else: Turgon misinterprets the situation with Bëor? Finrod bemoans his fate at Turgon and Elenwë’s wedding?

Typically stoic character breaks down and admits how ill they feel: Turgon keeps all his emotions locked up in his chest but he breaks down one day and Finrod and/or Aredhel are horrified at just how much he’s been repressing

~~~

Gimli (Son of Glóin) & Legolas Greenleaf (hurt Legolas) Gimli (Son of Glóin) & Legolas Greenleaf (hurt Gimli) Gimli (Son of Glóin) & Legolas Greenleaf (both hurt) all Gigolas is good Gigolas, and you can quote me on that, but I nominated with the & symbol because my very favorite kind of Gigolas is queerplatonic Gigolas. would absolutely die of joy if you wrote that for me!

Character discovers their friends have been defending them behind their back: this is probably before they’re good friends - Gimli finds out Legolas has been defending him to elves or Legolas finds out Gimli has been defending him to some dwarves, basically “wait he really cares about me??”

Fighting to protect someone while injured yourself: battle buddies :)

A and B have a troubled past; forced to work together: enemies/rivals to friends!!!!

A and B have to work together to help injured mutual loved one C, A and B mourn death of person they both loved: Aragorn gets the short straw here, he’s either hurt and L&G have to help him before they’re really close, or it’s after Aragorn’s death and L&G are preparing to go to Valinor

Hair Brushing, Back rubs/hair stroking to help a character sleep: elf hair kink PLEASE, Gimli discovers that running his fingers through Leg’s hair will make him zonk out :’)

Character A Confesses Feelings Because They Think Character B is Unconscious: mmmm maybe Legolas to “unconscious” Gimli? And then Gimli cracks an eye open and is like “you really mean that, laddie?”

Character A doesn't know how to comfort Character B: cultural differences are intimidating

Character A falls asleep on B's shoulder: height difference :D especially if it’s Leg falling asleep on Gimli’s shoulder!

Character A thinks they're about to die and voices their feelings for B; but oops A survives: again I think this is probably Legolas confessing because he’s Dramatic

Character A's parents disapprove of Character B: this is the GOOD shit!! Thranduil disapproving of Gimli? Glóin disapproving of Legolas? excellent shit right there

Character comforts their platonic soulmate: OK so I am Particular about soulmates but in this scenario, let’s go with the soul-bond angle instead - Gimli getting used to a soul bond he never expected to have bc dwarf? Legolas instinctively comforting Gimli through a soul bond Gimli doesn’t know how to reciprocate with?

platonic cuddling for comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling: it’s just cute

Immortal Character A deals with B's mortality: Legolas in denial that Gimli is mortal, especially in Valinor (I don’t want Gimli dying fast in Valinor, but like...he will die eventually, you know?)

Neither comforter or comfortee will directly acknowledge that comforting is taking place: still in the transition from rivals to friends phase :)

~~~

Kíli/Tauriel (hurt Tauriel) Kíli/Tauriel (hurt Kíli) Fíli & Kíli (hurt Kíli) Fíli & Kíli (hurt Fíli) Fíli & Kíli (both hurt) There’s a good mix of brotherly prompts and Kiliel prompts here - and quite a few where Fíli and Tauriel work together for Kíli’s sake!

Aromantic character unsure how to comfort friend with relationship troubles, Character A doesn't know how to comfort Character B: Fíli comforting Kíli about his hopeless love for Tauriel

Anniversary of a traumatic experience: anniversary of BOTFA/almost dying, anniversary of Kíli getting poisoned

Character discovers their friends have been defending them behind their back: Tauriel discovers that some dwarves (including but not only Kíli - Fíli, Bofur, Óin are good options since they were together in Laketown) have been defending her from other, more prejudiced dwarves

Fighting to protect someone while injured yourself: Kiliel in BOTFA?

A's unrequited pining found to be requited while B helps them recover from serious injury: the athelas scene!!

Aftermath of Tragedy/Catastrophe: Tauriel post-BOTFA (canonverse), Fíli and Kíli in an AU where Thorin dies, Kíli and Tauriel in an AU where Fíli and/or Thorin dies but Kíli lives

A and B have to work together to help injured mutual loved one C: Fíli and Tauriel don’t always get along but they work together for Kíli’s sake :) - this could also work with the athelas scene

Being bathed while mutually pining: Tauriel bathing a sick Kíli? Kíli bathing an injured Tauriel? Bonus points for them both being very 👀 about each other’s bodies and how elves/dwarves are different than expected

Character A Confesses Feelings Because They Think Character B is Unconscious: Tauriel post-athelas scene confessing to Kíli after he’s already said his “she walks in starlight” thing

Character A panics/overreacts over B's minor hurt/illness: little Fíli overreacting about Kíli’s injury/illness? Kíli overreacting about Tauriel because he doesn’t know how lef healing works, or vice versa?

Character A realizes their love for character B when B is hurt/sick: the athelas scene!

Character A thinks they're about to die and voices their feelings for B; but oops A survives: Everyone Lives AU where Kíli confesses everything more plainly before he dies, but then survives

Character A's parents disapprove of Character B: Dís and Tauriel angst!!

Character won't stop getting up no matter how many times they get hit: Kíli protecting Tauriel! Tauriel protecting Kíli! Fíli protecting Kíli! Kíli protecting Fíli! Or heck, even Tauriel protecting Fíli for Kíli’s sake, or Fíli protecting Tauriel for Kíli’s sake!

Dying Character Comforts Already-Grieving Comfortee: Kíli dies in Tauriel’s arms 😭

Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies doesn't mean Nobody Hurt: please hurt Fíli very badly (I have a fic where he loses a hand, something along those lines) but Kíli is there for him and unwaveringly supportive

Fake Dating While Mutually Pining & One Partner Gets Hurt: Kiliel fake dating AU!!!

First kiss after almost dying: Kíli and Tauriel finally get to kiss and it’s super emotional! ooh maybe Kiss of Life, where Tauriel’s kiss brings Kíli back?

Fix-it - Character survives canonical death: kind of basic for this fandom, but I’m a sucker for it anyway. Maybe for this exchange, just one of the Durins lives and the others have to deal with it (with Tauriel there making things complicated, especially if it’s not Kíli who lives...)

Hair Brushing: hair is very important to both elves and dwarves, Kiliel miscommunication about this :D

Immortal Character A deals with B's mortality: Tauriel dealing with Kíli aging

Refusing to Leave Other Character's Side: Kíli standing with Tauriel despite Thorin threatening to exile him? Or just “I belong with my brother”

#tmi anna #exchange letter #hurt comfort exchange #hcex

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yellowind-writes · 5 years ago

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The Dark Wave: Prologue

Boku no Hero Academia Male!Reader-Insert x Various

Rated M for violence (blood, gore, general villainy) and language. Link to intro post + index.

“BASTARD!” The glint of a dagger reflecting neon lights. The scrape of shoes against wet concrete. The damp smell that lingers after a hard rain, an unpleasant, oily scent that’s particular to the city and it’s rotting streets. Senses are on high alert but it’s all a blur. Like the vague residue of a long, troublesome dream. Some flashes vivid and others a mesh of color with no apparent connection or meaning. “FUCKING BASTARD!”

A sharp bark of laughter, insincere and mocking echoes through the dark alley. “I’m surprised it...you’re a fool...two and two...” There are pieces missing. Important pieces. It’s as if you’re listening to a record skipping over beats in a song. “I...once...and I’ll take...again...”

“YOU LIED TO ME!” A surge of darkness, even darker than the surrounding shadows, rising like an inky curtain and rushing through the small space like a storm contained within a snow globe, swirling furiously when it’s shaken. “YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME!”

There’s a woman crying outside the door. Her grief is the only thing to listen to besides the heart monitor, beeping out a calm rhythm to remind you that you’re alive. You’d love to go and tell her to shut up if it wasn’t for the fact you’re cuffed to a hospital bed and woozy from whatever medicine the staff has been giving you (mostly to ensure you don’t try to escape rather than because you’re in any pain). Whoever she is, she’s been at it for a while.

Your head hurts, throbbing in time with your pulse.

“A necessary evil...I...you...so sad it’s turned...” A scream that could’ve been yours, could’ve been someone else’s. Raw and tormented, nigh beastly. Sirens.

A gaunt man enters the room holding a scuffed up shoe box in his large, bony hands. He looks like he needs bed rest more than you do with how exhausted and frail he appears. He says nothing as he shuffles across the linoleum and settles himself in a chair beside you. The corners of his mouth pulled into a frown and his shoulders tense.

“[Name], right?” It’s not a real question so you don’t dignify it with a response, just wait for his raspy voice to continue. There’s a glint of hope in his startlingly blue eyes--

“I. AM. HERE!” A crashing boom. There are windows breaking. A car alarm going off. You aren’t on your feet anymore. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

--but what he wishes to gain from this little visit is beyond you. “I’m Yagi. I’ve brought some things for you to look at if you wouldn’t mind.”

You would mind, actually, but the lid to the show box is already being removed with slow care. It’s almost as if he’s worried any sudden movements will startle you. Inside the box is a pile of photographs and some worn old action figures with chipped paint.

You can’t help but scoff when you recognize one of them as Endeavor. The model is from earlier on in his career and manufactured cheap but it’s impossible to mistake that flaming hair for anyone else. The painted eyebrows are furrowed to mirror his signature glower. What’s this stranger doing bringing you toys and mementos?

He hands you one of the pictures. It proves difficult to hold up for examination due to being restrained but there’s no helping it. As timid as this man is acting one doubts he’d be comfortable aiding their removal. The metal around your wrists is cold and the skin irritated.

It’s a glossy capture of two boys sitting side by side on a park bench. They’re eating slices of watermelon as big as their heads. One of them has a mop of dark curls and freckles dusting his round cheeks. He’s staring at the camera with a 1,000 watt smile while the boy with [color] eyes is oblivious, munching on his summer treat and focused on something out of frame. His [color] hair is messy and there’s dirt on his chin like he’d rolled around in the bushes moments prior. They’re wearing matching All Might t-shirts.

“I’m disappointed...so young...villainy is...” You’ve seen many different expressions on heroes and wannabe heroes alike. Shock, disgust, even fear. But pity has never been one of them. You like pity even less than contempt.

It means nothing to you. Nothing at all.

“What’s the point of this?” You ask, staring blankly at the photo and then turning a glare on this Yagi fellow. He let’s out a deep sigh, deflating even more into the baggy clothes that pool around him. You try to wrack your brain to understand the situation. Try to get why you’re still chilling out in the recovery bay of some nondescript hospital instead of wearing a muzzle in maximum security.

Villains that get caught are put away and never heard of again.

“[Name], how...how far back do you remember?” He leans forward in anticipation of the answer, fingers tented and elbows on his knees. Something tells you he already has an idea of how you’ll answer. It throws you for a second. This entire thing is like a lead up to something else. “The doctors said the head trauma from the fight might’ve caused...” He trails off and waves a hand, no need for further explanation to understand what he’s trying to get at.

“What’s it to you old man?” You find the vase of daisies on the nightstand suddenly very interesting. The sun coming through the window lights up the white and yellow petals in a warm, almost ethereal glow. That woman, the one no longer sobbing out in the hall, brought them into the room earlier. She had pretty, long [color] hair but you don’t know her. You’ve never seen her or anyone similar in your life though she acted like she knew you.

At the very least they’re a much needed decoration in this sparse room. Everything else is in shades of grey. It’s terribly clinical even for a medical setting. A prison cell would be just as inviting.

“His quirk is strong...we could...be a shame to...if it failed...a waste of...”

The heart monitor picks up the pace, green pixels jumping across the screen to draw higher, steeper mountains.

Shadowy figures closing in, faces obscured. The room is dark but there’s a blinding light in front of your eyes. You can’t move. There’s something stuck in your arm (get it out, get it out, get it OUT). You want to throw up.

Your head hurts.

There’s a long silence where Yagi simply waits for you to give him an actual answer. With what little mobility you have you flick the picture into his lap. You’d been aiming for the box now perched beside him on a tray but missed.

“I remember getting my skull cracked open by All Might, if that’s what you mean. You some sort of reporter digging for a scoop? Because I don’t think there’s a story here.” You’d have the spirit to be snarkier if you weren’t drowsy still. You feel like your body is a lead weight that’s about to sink into the hard mattress and down further still into the floor. The bandages wrapped around your head itch too.

Yagi seems disappointed by this. He faces the floor, his blond hair hiding most of his face. The strands look as dry as straw. Does he even use conditioner? Or maybe he just uses too much hairspray?

“[Name], I don’t mean your recent fight with your former ‘colleague’ and resulting arrest. I mean your past. The life you had before crime.” It strikes you as he’s saying this that his sunken eyes are the most alive part of him. They’re tremendously intense as they bear into your own.

“I didn’t have a life before crime. I grew up on the streets, learned to look after myself the hard way.” It’s not entirely a lie. Your nails scrape against the stiff cotton sheets as your fingers curl into fists. “I’m pretty sure you can figure out how it went from there.”

. . .

Yagi slides the door closed behind him with a huff. This case will be a tough one. Seeing as he’s the one who apprehended you he feels a certain amount of responsibility. Not to mention learning of the tragic circumstances regarding your status as a criminal and...

He’s been aware the world is an unfair place for quite a while but it still feels like ripping open a painful wound every time he learns it anew.

“I think,” It’s hard to say. Especially to the woman standing rigid and forlorn against the wall. Her eyes bloodshot and her nose red. To have waited for so many years for a phone call only to get the news that she did. That they found her son but he wouldn’t be coming home. “I suspect his formative memories have been wiped in order to brainwash him...he doesn’t even recognize himself as a child in pictures.” He says what both of them already suspected was so.

A second before the woman draws in a shuddering breath, “What are you, or they, going to do with him? With my boy?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure something out.”

Hopefully.

“Hey kid...use...from now on...for me.”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #male-reader #reader-insert #x reader #x you

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 6 years ago

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You Asked, I Told + Chapter 33 Update

Hello everyone! First off, I am so, so, SO sorry for taking so long to update. I am about to put the finishing touches on Chapter 33, and if all goes according to plan, I should have it for you between March 7th-9th - just in time for Captain Marvel! Meow. This chapter is clocking in at OVER 30,000 WORDS, so although it has taken me an abysmally long time to complete it, I hope the length will make it somewhat worthwhile.

And now for your Asks! These contain a spoiler for chapter 15 and some milder spoilers for some of the later chapters (30-32-ish).

I understand this completely. I have problems with a lot of military fics because of their verisimilitude (or lack thereof). I will say in general that I have had a good deal of affiliation with military-related environments and individuals in my life and that I have done my research to the best of my abilities. Part of why I take so long to update is the immense amount of research I do. That said, as I mentioned at the beginning of the fic, sometimes I may stretch or alter the details (a platoon/fire team/company is not as small as I portray it, same with convoy sizes etc.) in order to make it easier for me to write. And I will just plain screw stuff up because I’m a person. But over all, the most important thing for me is to capture the themes of deployment, war, recovery, readjustment (or not), trauma, etc. and convey these things with realism. But I do try to get a lot of the details right, too.

I hope a lot of this stuff rings true to you in the fic. I invite you and other uniformed personnel and veterans to DM me and let me know how I can make the details ring truer. I have shaped the work in other ways based on feedback and am willing to do it further, provided I don’t have a good reason for making things the way they are now.

Yeah, I’m sorry I had to turn off anons because of the trolls. I’m glad you enjoyed the emotional catharsis for Steve here. He really needed to actually feel his emotions rather than turning everything into pain and puke. (BTW, meta note, I write a lot of vomit for some reason. I know it’s a large part of being a heavy drinker, because you just can’t drink that much and not puke a lot, and I wanted Steve to be a puker because I wanted to showcase a huge somatic reaction, but yeesh, what is UP with the all the puke? I hate vomit IRL, so much.)

And I am the worst queer in the world, as I was just told by a virtual stranger yesterday, because I have NOT seen A Star is Born yet. But I am going to watch it this week! I’m glad that it rang true with this depiction of addiction. Relapse is messy, and it happens on anniversaries - Oh, the anniversary relapse is a BIG thing in recovery. I’m excited to see the parallels now. Thank you for the rec!

I am actually TERRIBLE at recommending fic in the sense that I barely read any at all :( I’m ruined for most fics these days because if it’s not profoundly, painfully realistic, I have trouble buying into it. I hate that I’m so picky now. I wish I had a bunch of great recs I’m holding out on, but if you’ve seen my bookmarks, you’ve seen many of the ones that stick out most for me. A lot of them are because I love the writing itself, which helps me get my creative wheels turning when I need to craft good prose. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

But seriously, @praximeter‘s The Night War: 60th Anniversary Edition FTW. It’s my all time favorite fic and one of the most excellent character studies - and one of the best studies in trauma - I’ve ever read. Talk about an unreliable narrator. And it raises some excellent questions about who we let fight and under what circumstances - how much do we use people in war, even if they’re clearly so compromised from trauma that they can barely function? You’ve got to REALLY read it, though. It’s not a lazy read. Highly recommended, though. Be prepared to have your guts torn out of your body and thrown on the floor and danced upon by Prax. It makes her Mask Fic look like a giggling prance through the daisies.

Yeah - I think the last chapter was exhausting and distressing and disheartening for many. And it was maybe a bit confusing, in regards to Bucky’s relapse. On one hand, he’s a hawt LITERAL mess. But on the other hand... this is not unexpected. This is part of recovery, especially for a lifelong alcoholic. He planned it. He took some steps to mitigate risk. He was not trying to off himself. He had a limit set. He just didn’t want to cope in healthy ways anymore and he made an informed adult choice to drink a fuckton of vodka for a week. Was it healthy? Good GOD, no. But he was doing it with an oddly sound mind, right? He tried other means of coping first. He gave it his best, and he decided to do this instead. And he cleaned up his mess after and put his clothes on and did the big boy thing and called his therapist. So even though it was awful and gross and sad, you could also look at it as a stark contrast from his Carle Place days. And he LOOKED AT HIS DICK...!!!!! HOLY SHIT. That is a feat 19 months in the making. And he did it sober. That in itself is impressive.

But I can definitely see pain for a lot of people, and the exhaustion of this chapter, the OH GOD just STOP IT, here we go AGAIN. And that is how friends and families and loved ones of addicts can feel, and the addicts themselves! Tired. Just tired of the same old thing, over and over. But he also made a lot of objective progress in important ways. Even if it doesn’t feel like it because the progress is covered in old pizza crust and vomit and dildos (yes, even the BIG ONE).

This is referring to Chapter 15, when Bucky was in the hospital after his surgeries, yes? I don’t think he needed a trach tube, actually. He had his weapon up to his face to aim at the enemy, so his neck/airway didn’t sustain any major injuries because his arms and rifle took the brunt of the shrapnel. His internal organs were spared from major injuries because of his body armor. He needed to have his collapsed lung decompressed in the field, but that was it. That might have been followed up with more drainage later at a field hospital. I figured his alveoli were ruptured from the IED blast wave, leading to the collapsed lung, which is usually treated with 100% oxygen, so no trach needed there. And when I researched other reasons why one would need a trach, I didn’t see anything that would really apply to him. So no trach for Bucky! You can spare him that little bit of misery in your imagination, if you WANT.

Haha, yes, the “enjoyed... I think?” parallels the “I’m glad... I think?” that I feel/write when people say they’re wrecked by the fic. I’m so glad this has encouraged you to do some research! I’d love to know what on. There are so many threads to chase. Just glance at the TAGS, my God. Choose your own adventure. Thank you for letting me know you’re enjoying and that it’s sparking your curiosity!

Ugh, I would love to say that I have a great schedule for updating planned, but as you can probably surmise, I am slow and unpredictable. My life has gotten much, much busier since I started writing this fic and my work far more draining, so both time and energy aren’t on my side these days. I don’t dare to promise an update on any kind of schedule because I just can’t say. I’m sorry. And you’re absolutely right - it’s because I want to deliver the best quality I can. And I’m also trying to give you huge meaty chapters, too. But I HOPE it won’t be another five months before the next update. I really do. The next chapter will probably be shorter, so that’ll help. I will really do my best.

This is a GREAT question. I think it’s important to note that dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) - although originally designed for borderline personality disorder (BPD) - is trans-diagnostic treatment as a skills group. This means that it can be for anyone who needs help with regulating emotions and managing their relationships better. We don’t really know what Bucky’s diagnosis is. BUCKY doesn’t know what it is. All he knows is that Scott identified his functional life problems and thought the group would be a good fit. Bucky sure does have some BPD traits, but it’s also important to note that some of these traits can also be present in someone with a fuckton of trauma - especially from childhood.

I set out to write someone with just a lot of trauma, really. Someone who had difficulties with regulating emotions as a core problem. Someone who used sex and booze and avoidance to manage everything. And also someone with a lot of attachment and intimacy and trust problems, which can really all look like BPD! And they can all look like developmental trauma! I wanted it to not be entirely clear what was going on, because that’s often how people appear in real life. We’re not quite sure what Scott makes of him, except that he sees he needs healthy skills DESPERATELY and wanted to get him in this group ASAP. (Good call, Scott!)

Okay, everyone! Thank you so much for all the love and great questions!! I’ll be in touch in a couple weeks with more BW for you. Thank you for all of your support and patience <3

#YOU ASKED I TOLD #asks

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rorykillmore · 6 years ago

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what themes and dynamics do you enjoy writing out most in rp? are there any you'd like to explore in the future?

i’ve had this sitting unfinished in my drafts for 2000 years because i was like “wow i’ll never be able to think of all my favorite things” but here are SOME

-family dynamics! both strained, tragic ones and also really close ones. i love siblings who are super close, like obviously, sara and laurel. i tend to love consuming stuff that has Important Sibling Dynamics in it, which is why i eat up stuff like charmed or jessica jones. but i also enjoy when family ends up on like, two different sides of two different causes, like loki and thor. or like... especially when a son or daughter has to go up against their Evil mother or father, which was a huge reason why i love alias so much (although ‘evil’ is a bit of a stretch for irina; but actually the entire bristow family dynamic was so messy and complicated and so fucking good) or like... why i loved rping sarafine and lena back in the day, or tigerstar and bramblestar now. love that stuff, especially if the evil parent figure redeems themselves somehow for their kid in the end (also why i love darth vader... oh shit i remember when eps played him and i had leia and we had some REALLY interesting interactions with them, loved that). in rp, obviously this is the kind of dynamic you only get when people pick up canonmates, or make ocs together, soooo....

-i also love FOUND family, which imo is one of the most rewarding things to organically build up through rp ever. like just... when characters go through a lot together and hit that point of considering each other family, bonus points if some of the characters involved have never really had a family before/had a shitty family/lost their old family tragically. some of my favorite rp dynamics have come from this trope! katherine/nagato/red, the superfriends, the weird hannibal family we had for awhile, some of the heathers cast + max, the denny legends are growing towards that point... i think raptor red/rocket/siobhan could even get there... god yeah, good stuff. as you know that’s what originally drew me into grey’s anatomy too.

-this one i haven’t done as much in rp (although i guess i have a couple of dynamics floating around that could... potentially turn into that,,) but something i love in fiction, generally: the tragedy of friends turned enemies. especially on a really epic scale, like... the easiest example i can think of is clark kent and lex luthor in smallville. like, it gets extra tragic if there’s this implication that two people were always DESTINED to be enemies, but they start out as friends. god, i know there are more examples of this -- OH LIKE MERLIN/ARTHUR AND MORGANA IN BBC MERLIN. yeah that’s my shit. it’s so fucking sad. oh and i’m such an idiot, how could i forget optimus and megatron!!! god and one of my favorite tropes related to this is when they fight almost to the death and then end up like, lying their bruised and broken side by side and kind of poignantly reflect on how messed up everything’s become. yeah actually rping this out would make me Die from the pain but it’s still a story i’m always really interested in so i could easily be persuaded...

-ALTERNATIVELY THOUGH i also love rping characters who start out as enemies and then progress to friends, or even ultimately lovers. enemies-to-lovers is a huge weakness of mine (i guess chansaw kinda sorta hits that?? but they’re definitely going through the ‘friends’ phase first) and i’d love to explore a few variations of that dynamic in the future, but i’ve had the pleasure of rping out a lot of good enemies-to-friends stuff. i mean very obviously, edith and lucille come to mind, that’s development i’m still proud of. but i know there have been others, like regina and mithos, uhhh clara and sarafine... i can’t think of more right now but i LOVE this stuff when circumstances allow for it.

-ummm i just like romantic ships in general, i have some really important platonic and familial ones that are Always going to hold that importance and i love rping that stuff too, i just feel like for awhile on denny/am i was like. tentative about wanting to explore romance?? but now on the site’s current climate i feel like i’ve been able to approach people/or be approached with suggestions much more easily so, maybe i’ll do a few more of those in the future. i don’t even know where to begin in saying which kind i like -- i like all kinds! messy, complicated, temporary, slow-burns, sweet and healing, two villains being assholes in love together... whatever man. just not like, unchecked abusive stuff obviously.

-i really love when characters develop like, mentor/apprentice esque relationships. like, obviously warrior cats is a great avenue for these kinds of dynamics, but i feel like i’ve developed stuff even outside of that that i really had a soft spot for. like remember rachel and nagato?? we didn’t do a ton with that but like.... god they were tragic and good. anyways in movies and stuff, i always fall for the wise (or jaded) mentor figure so i love developing that kind of stuff in rp too. or like... man idk how you would even describe arnold and dolores’ relationship because it’s not QUITE that, but stuff like that too.

-in general i like, love redemption and recovery arcs, particularly when they entail abuse/trauma survivors supporting each other and healing together, and i also love watching characters spiral into villainy (although i think thats a little more rare on denny), or like characters on a journey of self-discovery (probably why westworld has so many hard-hitting moments for me), uhhh... i know i’m gonna post this and think of a million more things BUT YEAH THIS SHOULD DO FOR NOW

#numinousbones #thanks storm!!#i kept saving this just so i could think of things to keep adding to it but at this point #might as well post it

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sometimesrosy · 7 years ago

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Tagged by @tracylorde thank you! and i’m glad you’ve come over to the dark side of writing fanfic too.

1. what is your most popular fic by kudos? comments? bookmarks? are they all the same?

kudos Proof Canon AU fake marriage where Bellamy and Clarke must marry to secure an alliance. This one has a lot to do with Clarke helping Bellamy recover from his trauma and learn to believe that he deserves love and happiness. Not slow burn. They get busy right away. And it causes problems.

comments Got You A series of interlinked story prompts set in canon AU after season 3. No second apocalypse. It’s mainly about how Bellamy is helping Clarke recover from her trauma and stop being afraid to love. Slow burn. A bit of angst in there that I think is why the comments are tops. Everyone freaked out. It was awesome.

bookmarks: The Air Is Fine Up Here This is an Ark AU set 5 years after the show, but in a world where The Ark’s air system is fine. It’s the political environment that is destructive. Second children are not illegal they are just shunned. Clarke is a doctor with an illegal clinic in Factory, and she meets Bellamy because he is doing gladiator fights to earn money to support Octavia. It’s pretty plot heavy. It was nominated for a best Ark AU on bellarke fanfiction awards a couple years back, so it was my most popular for a long time, but the others have caught up.

2. do you have a favorite of your fics? if not, do you have one you’re most proud of? why?

Coming Home, which is a modern AU with a divorced Clarke and professor Bellamy, where she comes back to her college town and discovers who she is again surrounded by her friends. So it’s got some themes of the show. I wanted to think about what kind of “apocalypse” would be that devastating in the real world. So I made it this kind of divorce/abuse thing. But it’s not about the divorce, it’s all about the recovery. So it’s not personal at all. (okay it is. although it’s still entirely fictional, not a memoir in the slightest.) I’m also really proud of the bit of humor in this.

3. what fandom/ship (if you write for more than one) is your favorite to write for?

The 100 Bellarke

4. do you have any fics that got more popularity/attention than you expected? if so what were they?

Contracting and Expanding, this weird little child birth fic that I wrote because I was frustrated that women and girls don’t seem to understand what childbirth is really like. Like it’s this kind of open secret, and it’s so romanticized sometimes. I added a second chapter to wrap it up over a year later. I’ve never really understood why it is one of my most popular one shots.

5. where do you get your ideas/inspiration from? do you have a fic that you feel is particularly unique in that area?

I have a WAY different path to fanfiction than most of you. It wasn’t a thing when I was a kid. There was no internet. I started writing fantasy and science fiction when i was 15, but it was all original because I didn’t know of this concept. And there was certainly no community for it. Nowadays I think writers build their chops with fanfiction, explore, experiment. When I got to fanfiction, I’d already been through that stage and was taking my writing SO SERIOUSLY. Fanfiction let me get the fun back, and lowered the artificially high stakes that I had created in my head. Writing is so psychological and the writing process is basically a writer fighting the demons in their head in order to get words on a page. Fanfiction was like a big FU to my demons, because I was going to enjoy writing again.

Most of my writing inspiration comes out of my history, my reading, my curiosity, my questions. Me. I’ve been such a Fantasy/Scifi geek for so long though, that a lot of it is based on that. Fanfiction, though, allowed me to write general fiction, without the pretension of literary fiction, which going to school for English/Creative Writing had conned me into thinking was the only deserving writing (screw you academia.) Ha. I actually wrote about Clarke as a professor and Bellamy as a student in Academic. Be aware, I was not an academic. I got out of college and started waiting tables so I could be a writer/artist. Ha. Like in The Arkadias/Just Having Fun Clarke/Bellamy povs for the same story. Okay. So my inspiration either comes out my real life or out of my scifi/fantasy reading. Or wish fulfillment and my love of fake marriage tropes ala The Carriage House.

6. do you have a favorite character to write POV for?

honestly it alternates between Bellamy and Clarke. I suppose I might have more from Clarke’s pov. I’ve never checked.

7. what’s your favorite sidepairing to include?

Raven and Wells maybe. I don’t do too many side pairings. I’m more into the platonic friendships.

8. do you have a fic you feel is underrated in comparison to your other fics? or you just wish more people would read?

Maybe Moonshine. Because I turned it into an original novel that I’m still working on and I really like it, but I can’t blame anyone because I left it unfinished it when I decided to adapt it. But it’s like a preview of my novel.

9. what’s something you would go back and change in one of your fics?

I think I did go back and change an Echo ex Bellamy girlfriend to Gina.

Oh wait. I would have made everyone older in The Valley, part 1. It started out as a soulmate HS witches AU, but I tried to explain the sharing skin marks and it got pretty dark and very sexual. It’s the most sexual of all my fics, and I think it’s a little icky that she’s only 18. I like the concept but the HS thing was a mistake. Just like I don’t think I should try for writing smut, I also don’t think I should try for YA fic. I’m just not a YA writer. Or maybe it was the wrong story to try on. I had to drop that story. It went down a path that was more complicated than anticipated.

10. what is your favorite sort of comment to receive on a fic?

It’s kind of cool when people take quotes from the work and talk about what they meant or how they affected them.

11. what are your favorite genres of fic to write? (e.g. modern au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, etc.)

oh, sometimes I feel the need for Modern AU fluff ( a lot actually) but my favorite is probably Science Fiction, like not post apocalyptic, but space.

12. what are your favorite tropes to write?

Hands down, fake marriage/dating. Canon AU. Modern AU. Space AU. I’ve got a fake marriage for all. I’ve got a MULTI FIC fake marriage for all. And I’m not sorry.

13. do you write fics similar to what you enjoy reading or completely different? both?

The science fiction and the canon au is similar to what I used to enjoy reading IRL. But I’m in a phase of reading very gentle fiction. Fluff and easy reading. Comfort reading, so what I mainly read in my fanfiction is modern AU fluff fics.

14. what’s your writing process like?

My fic writing is a lot less planned out that my original novel writing. Probably because I already have the characters straight in my head and if I’m doing canon, I have the world too.

So what happens is I get an idea that excites me. It starts spinning around in my head and I want to see what would happen if I put Clarke and Bellamy in that world. Sometimes I have an idea about where it ends up. Sometimes I don’t have any idea (except for Bellamy and Clarke always get together, but i may not know how.)

Then I go with the inspiration and write furiously for however long. When I’m posting a chapter every day or three? That’s this phase. Then I hit a snag. I’ve run out of inspiration or doubts have infiltrated my story or I don’t know where the plot goes next or life has gotten messy and ruined my focus, or maybe the story just got complicated and I need to work out the snag. My pace slows down. I start taking on other projects, writing or otherwise. I figure out the snag and work my way back into the story (or occasionally) I decide that story is either too complicated and drop it, or I decide that I’ve actually finished the story and need to wrap it up.

15. multi-chapter, oneshot, or drabble?

Multi-chap. At heart, I’m a novelist and I have a hard time not thinking about how the tropes got to be the way they were in the story, so I build a world around them and create things to make them more logical or deal with cause and effect. And I also have a hard time leaving short stories the way they are, without continuing with what comes next. Sometimes when I read one shots or drabbles, I really don’t understand how the fic writers can simply not write what comes next. How do you keep yourself from continuing? My urge is to keep exploring the characters, story and world. I have finished multichaps that I could keep going with, but I have moved on to other stories.

16. if someone was only going to read one of your fics, which would you want them to read?

That’s a hard one. I think each one has something different to offer and I like them all. I put so much effort into the multichaps so I’m going to stick with one of those and pick the one I’m writing right now. Into Eden. It’s a space colonist AU and is turning out to be my longest fic ever and I think I’d count it as a novel. It will have a beginning, middle and an end, and there’s quite a bit of world building and conflict. It’s a fake marriage/mail order bride where Bellamy is the bride. If I can take a trope and put my personal spin on it so it’s a unique story, that’s what I’ll do. And that’s what I am trying to do here.

i’m really bad at tagging and this is why i don’t often do these things. it gives me anxiety so I’m only tagging a couple and if i missed you and you want to do it, please pretend that I tagged you because I actually want to hear EVERYONE do this. I think this stuff is interesting and it’s always good to think about your writing and your process. @mareebrittenford @marauders-groupie @the-ships-to-rule-them-all

for ease, the questions are copied blank, after the jump. (good idea kat)

1. what is your most popular fic by kudos? comments? bookmarks? are they all the same?

2. do you have a favorite of your fics? if not, do you have one you’re most proud of? why?

3. what fandom/ship (if you write for more than one) is your favorite to write for?

4. do you have any fics that got more popularity/attention than you expected? if so what were they?

5. where do you get your ideas/inspiration from? do you have a fic that you feel is particularly unique in that area?

6. do you have a favorite character to write POV for?

7. what’s your favorite sidepairing to include?

8. do you have a fic you feel is underrated in comparison to your other fics? or you just wish more people would read?

9. what’s something you would go back and change in one of your fics?

10. what is your favorite sort of comment to receive on a fic?

11. what are your favorite genres of fic to write? (e.g. modern au, hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, etc.)

12. what are your favorite tropes to write?

13. do you write fics similar to what you enjoy reading or completely different? both?

14. what’s your writing process like?

15. multi-chapter, oneshot, or drabble?

16. if someone was only going to read one of your fics, which would you want them to read?

#writing fanfiction #bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #fanfiction recs #writing process #i think i linked all my multi chaps #except Mount Vie

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autobotministerofscience-blog · 8 years ago

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Brains and Sparks and Percy

// Under a cut because I’m rambling and this is going to be long and messy. Basically: Things do not work like they do with humans (at least in tfa) and sparks are super important and brains are, well, pretty important, yeah, but not in the same way.

// So I’m trying to figure this out. The emotions thing with Percy is kinda weird because Cybertronians have both the spark and the brain, and supposedly the spark’s got something big to do with personality and memories and junk, and the brain,,, doesn’t???

If I remember correctly, when Yoketron died, Prowl just grabbed up his spark and stuck it in a fresh protoform, and he woke up. Same guy, no problem. Died right after, because he wanted to, but it can be assumed that that could have worked.

And then you’ve got Starscream doing stuff with the clones and replacement bodies, but the Allspark bits were involved so that might be different. Also one may assume that Starscream would make clones with brains like his IF that is how it works, which it might NOT be. Unknown as of yet.

But then CNA, which is stored in the spark, is their sourcecode and determines pretty much everything that their being is based on, and it’s also what they use for clones. So????? How important is the brain (processor), really????

Humans are like this: The brain is the all-important thing that stores all of what makes a person that person (only not exactly because the body plays a role and the chemistry is important and there are hormones and stuff and basically if you lop off a limb or remove some organs you not only make the body work less well, but also screw up the balance of Stuff and the brain is affected and the person is actually Not exactly the same, but that’s just what I’ve heard and I don’t even remember where) and the heart is just the thing that makes the rest of the body go. More or less.

Replace the heart and person A is still person A. But the brain, move that thing around and the person goes with it. Mostly. Er, well, we actually don’t do that, for the most part. But basically that’s it. There’s a whole When Are We Not Alive/Not Human/Someone Else/Etc Etc Whatever debate in here but I’m not concerned with that now.

Cybertronians are different. (talking strictly TFA here) The spark holds the personality, memories, CNA, and??? We don’t know what else. Maybe information in general too, because why not, and because Yoketron and Starscream had zero trouble remembering things, despite having no transference of files from processor to processor.

This also kinda explains how Starsceam’s personality was able to take over the simulation in Rise of Safeguard (tfa comic) when they took his CNA and got his decepticon code from it. Soooo idk maybe they got excited and just stuck his CNA in there wholesale instead of splicing it up and taking the useful bits. Ergo, a fully formed Starscream personality within the simulation, wreaking havoc and strong-willed enough to take over the computer until it was weakened in-sim and then they got control over the comp and his program again out-of-sim. Nice going Percy. I wonder if they kept that sim. Probably did. Probably have a diced up version of Starscream’s personality in there, just conscious enough to exist as an entity within the computer, but not enough to resist. Cool. Yeah, or not, whatever--not important; getting off track.

So sparks have a ton of stuff in them. So then what about the brains.

The brains are the interface for the spark, they connect the spark to the body. Yyyeah. The spark in part powers the body, which in turn powers the spark... I guess? maybe not? The...brains...act as an emulator? Eh. The brains interpret the data in the spark and realize it. Yyes? The brains....

Gah, I don’t know. Maybe all brains are essentially the same, and it’s the spark that makes them different. So with a Cybertronian, you could do a brain transplant and be chill; the bodies still have the same personalities and stuff as before, like human with a heart transplant. But change the sparks and you take everything that makes a bot that bot and move it. So frame/body/shell changes aren’t too hard. Only the spark is essential. That would explain Yoketron, Starscream.. even the Jettwins-- Jetfire’s head was gone. Also the Stunticons, Drift maybe... hm. Yeah.

So there are places where we do know stuff about brains, so I might have to disagree with stuff I’ve said above now. Or not! Hopefully not. Arcee’s brain was damaged by the EMP, deleting her memories and rendering her comatose. But that changed. The Omega Sentinels were created with simpler processors. Derek J Wyatt’s wording on Percy was that he deleted his emotions to clear room in his hard drive for more science. I’m thinking this isn’t how computers work, and the wording and specifics were changed anyway so it’s.. mostly moot? It’s moot.

So I’m thinking brains are, for the most part, blanks. Generic. Pretty much all the same. The brains actually go with the body/shell/frame/whatever, and are primed to take care of that body, regardless of what spark it has in it. It’s kind of like the nerves and spinal cord and brain stem and such in that it is integrated into its body and meant to keep that functioning.

Crud, the whole headless thing though. Oh my goodness, how the heck does that work. Crap. Uhhh... A wireless connection? Sure why not. Ok so if the brain and body are in proximity they can still communicate... Spark to brain, brain to body, body to brain, brain to spark, etc. and the bot can still move around comically unless another brain unit hacks in and takes control of the body. Like in the show. Ok. That works.

Blast a bot’s head off, destroy the brain, and the spark can still survive. It might sustain trauma from the loss of the brain, but it’s still alive. For a while anyway. It could fade pretty soon after. Important point is that without the brain, the spark cannot control the body. The brain is what does that. The brain acts as a conduit between the spark and body. Destroy the brain (or completely sever the wireless connection, or block it) and the living spark cannot move the body. It can keep it powered for a time, but can do nothing.

But if you get a new brain in time, things are ok! Like a heart transplant! Connection restored, and things are working again! As long as the brain is compatible with the body type/size and spark size/power output, things are great. So like Arcee couldn’t be a brain donor for an Omega Sentinel, but an Omega Sentinel could be a brain donor for another Omega Sentinel. They’re compatible. They could also probably just. Build more brains. The spark’s the important bit, so there wouldn’t really be a moral issue.

So basically the spark can’t communicate directly with the brainless body. Doesn’t work. Spark is funky energy and data, and needs translation into stuff the body can do. The Brain does that. Spark can give power to body, keep it alive and “on,” but even base functions won’t run without a brain. (Why? because aliens. Because robots. Because whatever. Because if the spark acts like a brain, what point is there in having a brain. None. But they do. So I make up nonsense like this.)

It would be interesting if a bot had multiple processors throughout the body. Backups. Blow their head off and chest brain 2 powers on. Headless but not hopeless indeed. There’s probably a drawback to this, or at least a taboo, but I imagine it could be made to work. Sweet.

Mm and I guess another thing on brains, they are interchangeable to a degree, but CPU speed is another difference that would have to be taken into account, in addition to size and such. The spark-compatible speed may or may not be determined by CNA--so a bot with lower CPU speed wouldn’t do well with a transplant of a higher-speed brain. Probably. I don’t know computers.

Oh, and of course the brain takes in data from the body and processes it and sends it to the spark. When a bot sees something the optics send the data to the brain which sends it to the spark where it becomes part of a memory and other stuff happens too, and the spark sends its reaction to the brain which sends it to the body. ....Sure.

Okay, Now Arcee and the Omega Sentinels. Arcee got blasted with EMP and as a result lost her memory (but it came back later) and went into a coma (but she woke up later). Percy told Ratchet that the damage to her processor was irreparable. Evidently he was wrong or lying. So if we take that at face value, the EMP fried her brain. If I’m right, this means that her spark was fine, and her memories and all were intact there, but that the damage to her processor prevented her from accessing them. And further, the damage incapacitated her--she was still alive, but her brain didn’t work well enough for her to get up and walk around and talk. She was in a coma.

The scientists and medics did what they could (or did they) and still she didn’t recover. They kept her for some reason; guess they don’t kill/let die coma patients? I image they’re easier to keep alive than human ones. So after she was captured by the Cons she woke up and remembered Ratchet and was able to function a bit.., Shockwave digging around in her head didn’t help--or maybe it did? Maybe the events of her capture jostled something in her brain into the right place and from there she just had to reboot and restore stuff back into her brain from her spark. Took a while, hence the kinda slow recovery of her mind. I think Sari helped? Maybe? Or Bee? I don’t remember.

The Omega Sentinels. Created with, according to Percy, very simple processors, so that they comprehend the repercussions of their actions in the war less, and question orders less. Yeah pretty sure that was it. So okay! A few possibilities.

Their sparks are normal sparks and the brain is normal, but has (potentially removable) blocks and mental barriers coded into it so that they question orders less.

The sparks are normal but the brains have been directly (and slightly more permanently?) altered so that a bit less communication happens between the spark and brain on specific data channels, resulting in less questioning orders.

The brain is actually pretty normal, entirely normal even, but the spark was messed with so that they question orders less. Percy just said that it was the processor that was altered because... reasons.... I don’t know.

Both brain and spark were altered. Spark was messed with as in 3, and the brain was messed with as in 1 or 2.

I don’t see Percy or the Autobots having much of a problem with any of these tbh. So I’m going to pick the one I like best and say they did that until I get info that supports one over the other. I think for now I’ll go with 1, until I psychoanalyze everyone involved in the decision and figure out that I’m totally wrong. Hey idk maybe I’m right, 1 is the easiest and they are kind of trying to get things done quickly.

Anyway, so that takes care of Arcee and the Omega Sentinels. Aaand it seems like my idea of sparks and brains holds up! Mostly! If you tilt your head and close one eye! Now for smaller and less plot-relevant details that could still unravel my theory.

The Jet twins. Jetfire’s head was blown clean off. Both bodies were reformatted into ones capable of flight. Both had flyer code taken from Starscream added in so that they could fly. It was taken from Starscream’s CNA, so it stands to reason that it was integrated into their CNA--put into their sparks. Jetfire got a new brain, and both bots were fine after everything. Same personalities and memories; the only difference was that they could fly. This goes fine with my theory.

Perceptor. “Deleted personality subroutines” is the canon take on it, though this is in Shockwave’s words, which is maybe relevant. There are a few possibilities:

He deleted standard brain programs that dealt with parts of emotion and personality; his spark was the same, but the personality data that was sent to the brain was not processed, or at least wasn’t processed the same way. Thus freeing brain space for other data and possibly speeding up processing. I have no idea if computers actually work like this and will have to ask someone to confirm or debunk this.

He left the brain alone and messed directly with his spark and CNA so that the coding for personality bits was erased, freeing up spark data space for science. I don’t think sparks work like this.

He created blocks or paths in his brain that redirected emotional/personality data to other parts, away from the CPU, so that he would be less biased when doing science. This one makes sense??

Number 3 but he can turn it on and off. He does science a lot and likes to be unbiased, so the block/redirection is mostly on, but he turns it off when he can’t otherwise come to a decision, or when he knows that he needs emotions to plug into a certain situation. Or when he realizes that it would make an experience or social situation work better. Or when I want him to have emotions. After so long without emotions, they can be terrible and fantastic.

Something else.

I really like 4. Even when redirection is on, his spark would still feel things in reaction, and his em field might even do stuff to show how he feels, depending on how those fields work exactly--emitted by spark and dampened by brain?--and he could even store the emotions he’s not actively feeling alongside memory, so he’d have copies with and without. Yeeah I like this but idk if I’ll actually use it..... .....Yeah I probably will tbh.

Eh, and whatever he did, he messed something up and his voice became flatter. That’s right, it was just a mistake. Ha. Yeah this isn’t certain either I could still change my mind on this or change it

Wow. This is a mess. If anyone actually reads this, I’d love to hear any thoughts you might have!

#headcanons #Perceptor #//o.k to reblog #tfa #cybertronians #sparks #processors #I haven't watched tfa in a while. that didn't help #ugh I usually clean up stuff like this but #I'm not sure about anything and #if I wanted to make it look nice #I wouldn't ever end up posting it #this is better than nothing #long post #readmore #tfa spoilers

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