#but just like every other goddamn test! nothing! except excruciating pain and a 'well its not X'
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#your tldr: ive had a Mystery Illness since october and no one knows whats wrong with me#and after months of waiting i finally had this appointment that was supposed to give some sort of input!#but just like every other goddamn test! nothing! except excruciating pain and a 'well its not X'#i know its not X! we ruled it out months ago! in three different ways!#even the curious side of me doesnt care about what it even is anymore. i just want it to stop. please. it hurts so bad all the time.#im tired of crying in doctors offices! ive seen too many. and yet. not enough.#we're rounding the corner on three. straight. months. every moment of every day. ruled by this deep seething burning pain.#and nothing makes it better! nothing makes it worse! it just IS.#omnipresent#you know how they tell you just breathe. settle down. you're panicking you just need more air#what do you do. when you settle. and theres air in your lungs. and it still makes you want to scream.#it feels like i'm dying but i cant be. cause this is what it felt like yesterday. and the day before. and the day before that. and#illness tw#hospital tw#c.text
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