#but just i mean... well. oh is the va obsessed guy really interest in various tones of speaking??? well. yes.

[istherewifiinhell]

i dont actually have a good grasp on how flat my own affect is (possible and probably impacted how my affect changes in situation<- perpetual hider of the self) but i get SO fucking offended when ppl dont like the affects i like to listen to in sorta like. i will be like. hey check this out this person is the funniest person in the world they have such a good voice feel the impact of how they speak and how deliberate it all feels. and its like "their really monotone tho??"

HUH? WHAT?? ARE U NOT HEARING WHAT IM HEARING?????

[fletchphoenix]

The Sins Of Your Past Affect Our Future

HERE IT IS! Boy howdy this one is long but I think it’s my favourite thing I’ve written so far. I love it to bits! Okay, thank you for all your support and onwards with the chapter!

Word Count : 6175

TW : Strong Language

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  As Corona came into sight, Varian, Yong and Nuru got more and more excited and Hugo felt more and more dread grow in his stomach. This was it - their last trial and the last time they’d truly be a team. After this, they’d all part ways and never see each other again. Except..none of them would’ve completed their goals. Well, other than him. Donella’s deadline was tomorrow and he’d have to say goodbye to the bonds he’d built. His bond with Yong, where he’d show him different alchemical techniques purely to one-up Varian each time, a smug grin on his features at Yong’s amazement and Varian frustration. His bond with Nuru as they’d bicker and insult each other, but still silently (begrudgingly in Nuru’s case) agree to protect the other two if anything went sour. And his bond with Varian which...was difficult to describe. 

  He didn’t get what it was about the other boy. Whether it was his looks, his personality or something like that...he couldn’t stop himself from doing the one thing that Donella warned him not to do. He got attached VERY quickly, wanting nothing more than to gain the other’s affection in some way. Yet here they were. Two years later with no luck or success whatsoever in making Varian like him. He didn’t get it! He was handsome, funny and smart! How the hell could Varian NOT be interested? It frustrated him to no end - nights spent on watch wondering what the hell was the other’s deal. Initially he would’ve assumed the boy was straight, but..after finding out about his borderline obsession with Flynn Rider, he could just tell he wasn’t. 

  “Hello? Earth to Hugo?” Varian called, waving his hand in front of the blonde’s face before finally getting his attention. Hugo flinched back in embarrassment and shook his head, trying to erase any thoughts of the other boy from his mind..for now. “Hey you alright? You were zoning out there for a second.” 

  “I’m fine.” Hugo replied, a bit more aggressively than he’d intended. Shit, he didn’t mean to be that rude to him at this moment in time, he was just...distracted. By things and feelings he didn’t want to feel, because they would hurt him more in the long run and hurt Varian if he acted on them. At first he really wouldn’t have cared and would have just used Varian, taken what he wanted and turned on him almost immediately, but..he just didn’t think he could do that to the younger man. Two years was a long time to spend around someone, and when that someone was as charismatic and intelligent as Varian, it was hard to NOT fall in love with him.

  “Alright you guys!” Varian declared, standing on a bridge with Ruddiger chittering excitedly from his perch on his right shoulder and Prometheus’ reins in hand, “Welcome to Corona, my kingdom.” And with that, him, Nuru and Yong broke into a sprint across the brick bridge, Hugo letting a small chuckle pass through his lips as he watched before following along contently.

  As he passed through the stone archway at the end of the bridge, moss and ivy tangling together up the sides, he could see the hustle and bustle of town. So many people he could steal from, though..he snuck a glance at Varian, Nuru raising her eyebrow in his direction in disapproval as if she could read his thoughts. He neglected his former thoughts. He was a changed man! Besides, Varian wouldn’t want him to get kicked out of his home kingdom before they had the chance to complete the trials as a team. Speaking of their team, the other three all began to regroup in the city centre beside a small fountain, Yong taking a seat on the brick wall surrounding it beside Nuru and Varian as Hugo stood before them. 

  “Okay so, tonight is the lantern festival and..before we complete the trial, I kinda want you all to see it. Just as a nice goodbye before we all go our separate ways. Y'know? But first, we’ve got to meet Xavier to ask about the Demanitus device and some other things.” Varian explained, his voice sounding slightly saddened as he mentioned the idea of their makeshift found family disbanding. Hugo wanted to comfort him, but Yong already beat him to it. 

  “What do you want to do when we open the library?” Yong asked, a smile on his face as he leant forward and met Varian’s eyes. “I know that I want to make something that doesn’t explode. Something to make my family know I’ve changed!” He declared as he put his hands on his hips in a very Varian-esque way. 

  “I know that I’m going to find a way to stop the comet, or at least mitigate the effects of the meteor showers. Just, find a way to help my people. How about you, Varian?” Nuru tilted her head to the side, smiling reassuringly and resting a hand on Varian’s knee. Jealousy began to rise in Hugo, before he shook his head and bit the inside of his lip. No. None of that. Nuru was happy with Amber and Varian was very clearly not into women or Nuru at all. 

  “I just want to finish my mother’s work. I want to be able to know that she didn’t die out of nowhere and that she can rest easy knowing everything was done.” Varian’s tone seemed sad, his eyes focused on the cobbled streets of Corona. “How about you, Hugo?”

  Hugo paused. He..really hadn’t thought about it. He was supposed to just go back to his normal life of stealing and conning people before returning to Donella, but now he wasn’t so sure that was what he wanted. “That’s personal, goggles.” He simply replied. “Now, who’s this Xavier you were talking about?” 

  “Oh! Right!” Varian responded quickly, seemingly brushing off Hugo’s admittedly cryptic response. “Xavier’s the town’s blacksmith. Really nice guy, but very...very knowledgeable about legends and all that. Tends to go on and on about them. He’s interesting though! Just..talks a lot.” He shrugged and led them down the winding streets, the gang following close behind. Hugo watched as Varian walked with a slight skip in his step - probably the joy of being back in his hometown as opposed to how beaten down he was after leaving Galcrest after the earth trial. He can’t say he understood the feeling of having to leave your family behind - having never had one, but he could see family meant a lot to Varian and to have that ripped away from him..it must’ve hurt.

  After what seemed like twenty minutes of walking, they arrived outside of a blacksmith’s shack, the man inside whistling a little tune before turning and his face lighting up at the sight of Varian. “Varian, my boy! It’s so good to see you!” he called before pulling the boy into a tight embrace, his eyes shut with his elation at the man’s presence very clear. Hugo couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, alerting the man to the odd trio waiting at the entrance. “Oh, and you must be his friends he met on the way.” Xavier’s kind eyes looked Hugo up and down, a knowing smirk making its way onto his face before continuing, setting an uneasy feeling in Hugo’s stomach. Why was he smiling at him like that? 

  “Yeah, these are Nuru, Yong and Hugo.” Varian spoke nonchalantly, looking at Hugo with a strange look he couldn’t quite place to one emotion. Xavier gave a little ‘ah’ accompanied by a knowing nod and walking towards a small, glossy bookcase. By the looks of it, it was covered in books about old legends such as the cheating willows (very obscure, in Hugo’s opinion, and Varian seemed to groan at the sight of the title as though he’d remembered a difficult memory.) and quickly, Xavier pulled out a scroll of parchment paper and unraveled it on the table. The teens gathered around the table and looked down at the schematics in front of them revealing a machine of some sorts. Upon closer inspection, he could see how the various parts of the totems fit together in intricate ways to make the machine. Hugo took a second to glance up at Varian, the younger man deeply focused on the paper in front of him, and an affectionate smile drifted onto his face, however it left before anyone could call him out for it and especially before Varian could realise he was staring. Not that he was anyway. Totally not. 

   “Thank you, Xavier. This is perfect!” Varian called, gathering the blueprints in his arms and heading back towards the street. Before Hugo could follow suit, a warm hand settled on his shoulder and turned him around. 

  “So you’re Hugo, hmm?” Xavier said with a smile, raising an eyebrow. “Varian has sent the princess many letters discussing you. More so than about the rest of your friends. It seems you’ve made a strong impression on him.” Shit. Did Varian know what he was planning to do? He knew the other was probably suspicious at first, but after the countless nights they’d spent by the campfire and the almost intimate moments they’d shared...he couldn’t still feel that way right? Hugo thought he’d integrated himself into their group pretty well, hell, even Nuru trusted him, so..why wouldn’t Varian? “All I will say is..I can tell a thief when I see one. And I can also see you’re conflicted. You may know what you want, but is it really what you need?” The blacksmith stated, encapsulating Hugo’s confused expression with a soft smile. 

  “Hugo, you coming?” Varian asked, breaking Hugo away from his thoughts and prompting him to follow along after the others quietly. What the hell did he mean? Did..did he know? How could the old man know? Why was he being so cryptic about it as well? Is what he wants what he needs? Well, he wants money and you definitely need that, so what the hell was he talking about? Conflicted? Was it that obvious? Ugh. It was all hurting his head far too much. All of it was so...confusing. “Okay guys,” Varian beamed, turning with a large smile on his face. One that made Hugo’s cheeks heat up and Nuru grin smugly at him. “So, we have time to celebrate the lantern festival! Where do you want to go first?” Varian declared, clasping his hands together with a wide grin.

  “The dancing!” Yong yelled, grasping Varian and Hugo’s hands and pulling them along with Nuru in tow. “I saw it earlier and I thought it would be fun!” As they were pulled along the streets, Hugo swore he saw a red flush on Varian’s cheeks, though he pushed it aside in favour of dodging the Coronan citizens that flooded the streets. Upon reaching the market space, Yong pulled away, causing Varian to trip. Hugo, ever the agile one, lunged and pulled the other man flush against his chest to help prevent his fall. 

  “Are you alright?” he asked, though Varian gave him no response, setting an intense stare that locked their eyes together before nodding and hastily looking away. 

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” The other muttered, straightening his shirt and dusting off his waistcoat before moving away from Hugo, much to his disappointment. Happy couples spun and swayed around them to the rhythm of the music, Varian glancing around and biting the inside of his cheek. “WE stick out like a sore thumb, don’t we?” 

  “How about we blend in, then?” Hugo questioned, bowing and holding his hand out. “Varian Ruddiger, would you bless me with the privilege of sharing a dance?” He pushed his glasses up with his free hand, fully expecting Varian to reject him and his advances as he’d done oh so many times. Much to his surprise, Varian’s gloved hand slipped into Hugo’s with the ghost of a smile on his face as he did so, their eyes meeting once again. “Wow. Okay then.” Hugo whispered under his breath, pulling Varian closer to him and shifting a hand to his waist as the other’s moved onto his shoulder and, once in the proper posture, they began to join in with the dance around them.

  They spun and swayed and laughed as they glided around the street, Hugo picking Varian up and spinning him around in the air before setting him down in a fit of giggles and smiles and, before they knew it, it was nightfall. “Hey, come with me.” Varian whispered, slowly pulling Hugo away to a desolate, brick bridge after purchasing two lanterns from a vendor. They both took a seat, their feet grazing the water as they sat in a comfortable silence together before Varian broke it. “I used to come here a lot after my redemption. It was hard to admit people had forgiven me when I couldn’t even forgive myself, even though they assured me every day I was forgiven. It was the one place I had that no one knew where I could sit with Ruddiger and relax. I wanted to bring you here, because..you mean a lot to me, Hugo. You’ve become so important to me over such a small amount of time and I trust you more than anything else. You know what I mean?” 

  “I’m starting to.” Hugo responded, eyes fixed on the boy beside him as the lanterns, previously in their hands, floated into the sky. They joined the mass of them already in the sky, though theirs twirled in their own, secretive rhythm. Hugo silently brushed his fingers against Varian’s before slipping his hand into the other’s, enjoying the small moment of intimacy between the two after he’d spent the past two years chasing after him and relentlessly flirting..it was nice to know his feelings were reciprocated. Guilt began to settle in his stomach over what he was about to do to the boy beside him but..a few more hours of pretending never hurt anyone, right?

  “Guys?” They heard Yong yell, their hands pulling away from each other’s and moving from their comfortable position on the bridge as they looked away from the almost perfect scene they’d created together in what felt like their own little bubble away from the rest of the world. Just them without a care in the world. Varian cleared his throat, the hand that previously held Hugo’s rubbing the back of his neck before he began to speak.

  “I guess we should get back to them. It..has been a while.” he commented before turning on his heel and heading away from Hugo before he could give an answer. Oh well, there was always next time-oh wait. No there wasn’t. Hugo bit his lip at the thought before shaking his head and jogging to catch up with the others. No. He wasn’t gonna think like that. Not right now when he was so so close to finishing his mission. He couldn’t let himself think he was wrong and feel something.

  They kept heading along the lit paths of Corona towards the castle, a purple blur tackling Varian in a tight hug on the floor. The other three couldn’t help but snort with laughter as Varian writhed to get out of the bone crushing hug he was forced to endure. “Varian! Oh my god it's been far too long! How’s my little brother doing?” She gasped at the sight of the others, “OH MY SUNDROP! See! I told you you’d make friends along the way! It’s a pleasure to meet you all!” she exclaimed, finally relenting in her tight hug and standing, also allowing Varian to follow suit. “Hi, I’m princess Rapunzel!” 

  “Rapunzel, this is Yong, Nuru and..Hugo.” Varian paused before saying Hugo’s name, a smile wide on Rapunzel’s face as the blonde’s name was uttered. Did...did they all know something he didn’t? Everyone had been giving him creepy smiles all day! Rapunzel, who was now babbling about something or the other, pulled Varian along and gestured for the gang to follow along. All he really picked up on was some guy called Eugene was asleep because of guard duty or something like that, he really didn’t care. All he wanted was to get a good night’s sleep.

  After being redirected to their rooms, Hugo immediately flopped onto the king sized bed in front of him, stretching out across it with a wide grin. Now this..this was what he wanted. There was...an abundance of green items for a kingdom that had all other rooms decorated in purple and gold. Maybe Varian had written to them about their favourite colours? He supposed Nuru would love it here, being as purple was her favourite colour. He felt himself slowly slipping into the realm of slumber before a knock sounded at the door. “Bleugh..come in!” he yelled out, rubbing his hand over his face and propping himself up on his elbows, putting his glasses on before seeing Varian enter through the large doors in his pyjamas. That...certainly wasn’t who he was expecting. “Oh, hey hairstripe.” he mumbled, an eyebrow raised in confusion, “What’s up?”

  “Can I sleep with you tonight?” the raven haired boy blurted out, before quickly resigning on himself. “I’m sorry-it’s dumb and I should uh-I should go. Sorry to bother you, Hugh.” He began, turning to rush out of the doors before Hugo leaped over the end of his bed and grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip.

  “I-no Varian, it’s fine. You can sleep with me!” he almost yelled, essentially pulling the boy back over and closer to his chest. His face flushed as he realised the potential implications of his actions and words. “Oh god no that’s not what I meant.” he awkwardly stuttered out. Stuttering? Really? THIS was the level he was at with his crush on the other boy? Wow. Totally suave and seductive of him, wasn’t it? Varian, however, ignored this, letting out a small snort of laughter before shuffling away and sitting on the bed twisting and rubbing the silk, emerald sheets between his delicate fingers. “So, hairstripe. What’s wrong?” Hugo asked, moving to lay back beside the younger man, who promptly laid beside him and rested his head on his chest. The blonde felt his face flush as the man’s fingers, previously rubbing the sheets, moved to trace small shapes over his chest. 

  “Y’know when you said you didn’t know what you wanted to do after all this is over? I..kinda hoped you’d stay here. With me. In Corona. I think we work well as a team together and...I really want you to join me with my royal duties. We could open the library together and teach people the merits of alchemy. I just..don’t want to do it alone. I don’t want you to be alone.” Varian admitted, keeping his focus on Hugo’s pyjama shirt and the little intricate details sewn into the fabric. Hugo glanced down at the other, smiling sadly and absentmindedly playing with his hair carefully, strands weaving in between his digits.

  “Y’know...I will. I wouldn’t mind being able to stay with the infamous ‘Varian Ruddiger, the royal alchemist of Corona’. It certainly sounds like a good lifetime. I mean, being able to one-up you for the rest of my life? Sounds perfect.” he chucked, Varian joining him in his little serenade of laughter as he curled up closer against his chest. “Yeah, I’ll stay, Varian.” He whispered as the boy fell asleep on his chest. “I’ll stay for you.” he gently brushed the raven haired boy’s fringe aside and placed a kiss to his forehead, setting his glasses aside and letting himself slip into a comfortable sleep.

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  At the noise of Yong yelling ‘Wake Up’ outside of his door, Hugo groaned and opened his eyes, unable to move with a weight on his chest. He glanced down to see Varian stirring as well. Oh yeah, Varian slept with him. As in..shared a bed together in a completely platonic and friendly way. He really needed to work on his wording, didn’t he? “Alright hairstripe, c’mon. Time to get up.” He grumbled as he pushed himself, with a surprising amount of effort needed, to his feet and put on his glasses that were resting on a table beside his larger than necessary bed. Varian followed suit with much frustration, the man absolutely hating mornings to no end. 

  Breakfast went far faster than they’d realised and soon enough they were trekking down the underground tunnels of the castle to where they had to build the Demanitus device. And, of course, the all too familiar feeling of guilt began to make Hugo feel nauseous the further they went. He didn’t want to do this anymore. All he wanted was to live the life him and Varian dreamt up last night together in the guest room. He wanted to watch Nuru become the magnificent queen she was destined to be. He wanted to watch Yong succeed in making his family proud - though he was sure he already had. He didn’t want to go back to the sad, sad life he was living before. But he was too late. In that moment, everything the old man had said fit together perfectly - like a puzzle that only had one piece remaining and he’d finally solved it. 

  He needed Varian. 

  Hugo’s feet faltered in the tunnels as the other three assembled the machine, Hugo watching them intently. No. He didn’t want to leave everything they’d built together. Every intimate and affectionate moment they shared alone, like the lanterns, the dancing and the night before. He wasn’t ready for any of this to stop. With a start, the three moved back to join him and the machine jumpstarted, a sickly blue swirling to signify it’s entrance that blew their hair around wildly. Everything was going swimmingly, until broken laughter echoed through the room and Donella revealed herself, the light from the portal lighting up her face. 

  “Well done, Hugo. You really have made me proud! Now, how about all of you step back and let me and my son do what we were always meant to do.” She declared, holding an alchemical solution in her hand, “Hugo, over here. Now.”

  “So, you’re working with her then?”

  Varian’s voice didn’t shake once, his glare cold, even though it burned straight through Hugo like a hot poker. It was uncomfortable - a calm and collected look on his face, though Hugo could tell there was murderous intent behind those azure eyes that were fixed on him. He didn’t even register the angered looks of Nuru and Yong or the feeling of Donella’s rough hands resting on his shoulders - all he could see or focus on was the man in front of him.

  “Why of course he was! The plan was always to betray you. Why else would he return the totem to you after stealing it so efficiently? We knew you’d be a problem as Ulla’s son. I’d honestly thought all her research had died with her in that wretched place, but no. One part of her still remained. So I told him to stay with all of you until you had all the totems, so it would be easier for us to get in. And it worked!” She laughed once again, doubling over with a wide smile and crossing her arms over her stomach.

  “Varian I’m sorry.” he whispered, his voice seeming too weak to even belong to him. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable he’d made himself only the night before with his boy. All the walls he’d built up over the past twenty one years had crumbled at his feet in this one moment, Varian’s face contorting in disgust as he turned away from Hugo. Hugo could swear he felt his heart physically shatter in his chest as he watched the other stare at the entrance to the library and step even closer. His hair blew wildly the closer he stepped towards it. “Varian please, I didn’t know!-” he cried desperately.

  “I’m going in. Don’t be here when I get back.” he yelled, running through and entering the library. As soon as he could, Hugo ran to try and enter, his body merely colliding with the now-locked entrance of the portal, a magical seal put on it. Pain reverberated through his body, him ignoring it as he kept fruitlessly slamming his body against the entrance to no avail. No. No no no this was NOT how it was meant to happen! They were a team and were meant to do this together! Well- he supposed Nuru, Varian and Yong were the team now, since Hugo’s initial less than sweet intentions had been revealed, but..judging by how they were standing beside him with their arms folded and Donella trapped in one of Varian’s goo solutions..they felt just as betrayed.

  “Guys.” Hugo stuttered as he slowly backed away. “Look, I know you two hate me-” 

  “Hate is an understatement.” Nuru began, her tone bitter and dripping with hatred, “You used us. You hurt all of us and now, because of your momentous fuck up, Varian has trapped himself in the library with NO WAY of getting to him because you couldn’t swallow your pride for one second! You’re so-god, you’re worse than Donella!” her voice progressed into a yell, shoving a finger into his chest as Yong stood back in shock at the outburst. “You’re evil, Hugo! Absolutely evil! So just leave!”

  “Listen to me, Nuru!” Hugo declared, stepping forward as he looked down at the hurt girl in front of him, “I know I fucked up and I was wrong, but I swear to you I was going to turn on Donella! I love Varian more than anything else in this life and I am going in there to apologise whether you like it or not, because he is the one thing I know for certain I can’t live without! I regret everything I’ve done and I need to go to him! I’ll get out of your hair and Yong’s but please for the love of god, set your biases aside and understand that I love him and need to go to him now! Please!” he yelled, brushing away tears that he hadn’t even realised were running down his cheeks before turning and continuing his relentless pounding against the door. 

  By some miracle, the lock on the library broke down and Hugo, unluckily, fell straight to the floor with a loud ‘oof’. The pain, however, wasn’t his main concern as he forced himself to his feet and began sprinting across the marble floor and passing the endlessly tall bookshelves. They towered over him and formed a mini labyrinth as he tried to track down Varian and find his way to where he could be. He desperately needed to apologise to the boy. His footsteps only grew faster as the screaming and sobbing started, providing him with an indicator of the direction he needed to go and a deep pit of dread and guilt that developed in his stomach as it grew louder and louder. This was all his fault. 

  Hugo turned a corner, met with the sight of Varian on his knees. His fingers pulled at his hair as his eyes glowed a sickly neon green, tears trailing down from his eyes with his waistcoat open as he shook. A transparent woman stood behind him, a maniacal grin on her face as she inflicted pain upon the man on the floor. “Let him go!” Hugo yelled, sprinting over and breathing heavily as he desperately tried to get to Varian to try and help him. 

  “Oh hello there!” Varian’s lips moved, though a woman’s voice came out as Varian’s fist swung and connected with Hugo’s right cheek, knocking him aside and his glasses falling off his face to the marble floor with the right lens cracking. “Pleasure to meet you! I’m Ulla!” her voice was far too chirpy for what she was doing, manipulating Varian’s body to stand over him. 

  “Varian! Varian listen to me! Please, you need to fight her! We need you! I need you!” He yelled, trying to get through to the other man as Ulla controlled Varian’s body, moving a boot to step on Hugo’s chest. His air was getting far too restricted, the pressure on his chest hurting as Ulla kept pressing down more and more. He started to lose consciousness, his vision blacking out as he struggled to get air. It hurt so much. “Varian, please! Come back to me! I love you!” he cried out before his vision went completely black. 

  When he came to, he found his glasses placed on his face and his head in Varian’s lap, staring up at the tear-stained face of the man in question. “Hugo.” His voice rasped as he pulled him into a hug, Hugo’s ribs burning as Varian gave him a bone crushing hug. “You came back-oh my god you came back-”

  “I’m so sorry, Varian.” Hugo croaked as his hand moved to the back of Varian’s head, playing with the strands of his coal hair. His eyes shut as he held the other man close on the library floor. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t-I’m an absolute idiot.” he apologised profusely as Varian tried to shush him. 

  “Hugo. Hugh, I forgive you.” The blue eyed man shuffled back and cupped Hugo’s cheek with his hand, a tearful smile on his face. “I love you too.” He said, voice soft with affection, as he leaned forwards and their lips joined in a dainty yet exhausted first kiss, bruises and cuts covering their faces and body. Neither cared though, content to be with each other once again after everything they’d just been through. Hugo shuffled away from the kiss, wincing at the pain in his ribs from Ulla’s relentless attack. “Shit, you’re hurt. C’mon. We should get back to the others.” Varian muttered to himself, moving to his feet and helping Hugo up who swung an arm around his shoulders. The pair stumbled, their limbs aching with pain as they approached the portal to the library. Glancing at each other one last time, Hugo gave Varian a kiss on the cheek and they walked through with gentle smiles on their face.

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  Three months later and he, Varian and Donella had found a way to officially open the library’s doors for good permanently. Three months later and he and Varian had been declared the official librarians, now teaching students interested in alchemy about the art. Three months later and Nuru had found a way to mitigate the effects of the meteor and Yong had become a prodigy in his own right back in Koto. Three months later and Corona was having a large ball in celebration of the library’s opening. Three months later and Hugo still felt guilt gnawing away at him each and every time he looked at his partner.

  He didn’t deserve any of this. All the joy and newfound family and immediate forgiveness from everyone around him. He was a bad person - he’d hurt Nuru and Yong. He’d hurt Varian, so how did they all forgive him so quickly? Over the past few months, he’d only come to one conclusion: they were all faking it. They were all faking that he was forgiven so they could all stab him in the back later. He supposed he deserved it, if he was being honest, for everything they’d let him get away with, with almost no consequences for his actions. He had everything he wanted in life, but he didn’t deserve it whatsoever. He didn’t deserve his loving boyfriend.

  Hugo sighed as he leant against the wall, watching everyone celebrate the occasion, yet he couldn’t be happy for them. Varian glanced over at him, a saddened smile on his face as he walked over to Hugo. “Hey babe, how about we get outta here and go to bed? It’s pretty late and I know you hate nobles as much as I do.” He called out over the music in the room, Hugo nodding in agreement before their fingers intertwined and they exited the large ballroom to head to their bedroom. 

--------------------------

  “You know we all hate you, right?” Nuru’s voice echoed in his head as he glanced down at her, fury in her voice as she kept edging closer to him. “You’re a monster for everything you did. You don’t deserve anything you have.”   “She’s right and you know it.” Yong said from behind him. They were both ganging up on him now. Suffocating him and cornering him. “You hurt all of us, what makes you think we’ve even forgiven you?”

  “Guys, wait-” Hugo pleaded, his back hitting a figure behind him. Hugo turned to see Varian glaring up at him. “Varian are you okay?” he whispered, reaching his hand out before it was slapped away by the man in front of him. 

  “You really think I actually love a monster like you? You’re disgusting. You thought you could play me like everyone else in your sad little life to hurt me more than you already have. You don’t even deserve the oxygen you breathe.” Varian snapped. 

  “Varian-” Hugo choked out between tears, feeling the other rest his hands on his chest and shove him back roughly. He felt himself falling deeper and deeper into the dark abyss around him, with no way of reaching the trio that were already leaving him for dead. “Varian! VARIAN!” he screamed out. 

  “Varian!” Hugo called out breathily as he sat bolt upright in bed, his chest heaving and eyes searching round frantically for the other male. Luckily, he found his target fast asleep behind him, his warmth providing him with some comfort among his distress. Hugo slowly laid back and turned away from Varian onto his side, staring at the wall in the darkness as he let himself drift off deep into thought.

  Of course Varian would find it hard to forgive him - he was finding it hard to forgive himself for hurting the man next to him and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. After all, it had only been three months since their showdown in the library and he’d convinced himself that Varian only said he loved him as some kind of messed up thank you. His eyes narrowed as he stared at the wall, turning on his side in their small bed before arms snaked around his waist and a gentle kiss was placed to the base of his neck, courtesy of the subject of his thoughts.

  “I can hear the cogs in your head turning...what’s wrong, sweetheart?” his boyfriend whispered, his lips ghosting over the nape of his neck with every word he spoke from those beautiful, rosy lips. Slender fingers traced little circles on his hip to calm him, the warm figure behind him whispering sweet nothings. “If it’s about what happened three months ago..”

  “Yeah it is, Varian. How? How could you love someone like me after all the things I’ve done?” Hugo pushed himself up into a sitting position, his eyes refusing to meet the other’s face out of fear for what he’d see. Disgust? Hatred? Pity? Whatever it was, he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t deserve his sympathy. “I took advantage of you, Varian, after you’d been hurt so much..I was so...blind to what I needed that I didn’t even- god, I’m an idiot!” he pulled at his hair as tears threatened to flow down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than a mess like me.” 

  “Hugh, darling. I…” Varian let out a small sigh and sat up, taking his freckled hands and wrapping them around Hugo’s wrists gently. He lowered his hands to stop their assault on his hair, the pair locking eyes. “You heard the stories about the lost princess, right? And about the dashing rogue who saved her? Well, they went to see the lanterns and..apparently that’s when they fell in love. I never understood it before. They’d call each other their new dreams and that they were meant to be together and could tell in that moment. Well, I didn’t understand it until I met you, Hugo. I..wanted to share that moment alone with you before the trials, because..well, you are my new dream. I don’t...I could never hate you, Hugo. Even after your betrayal, you still came back and were the one to save me. We’ve both done some terrible, terrible things, but here we are. We bounced back. I know it’s hard to forgive yourself after something like that, but I forgive you. And for the record, I wouldn’t want anyone other than you. I love you, Hugo.”

  “I...I love you too, goggles.” he whispered before he laid back down and pulled his boyfriend closer and into a tighter hug than before, peppering kisses along his face, relenting as he slowly drifted back to sleep in a comforting embrace with Varian’s warmth and weight in his arms.