#but ive had so many i never shared for YEARS LIKE...no one is around forever :(

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

hello! a little fic request I’ve been thinking on, not pressuring you to write it or anything, just wanted to share.

the y/n is a hot tempered foreign princess who got married to Baldwin when they were both children. she’s very energetic, straightforward, man-like in her character, but has to adapt to fit in the court of Jerusalem and also to „suit” her husband’s calm manner and the fact that he’s ill doesn’t help.

she’s unhappy about it; maybe even tears a little during the wedding, but doesn’t let anyone to think she may be vulnerable (mostly because she understand that that can be used against her in the future after Baldwin dies). but over the time she finds herself drawn to Baldwin because, well, unlike her teachers, he lets her study and play chess with him. he cares about her desires and interests. he also respects her, not just like a woman but as a friend, and a clever one. maybe some of her advice on the politics is used by him at some point (which would be absolutely unrealistic, but really, we’re talking historical romance with a leper king here…). a cute detail would be him gifting her a weapon of some sort to protect herself because he knows how she doesn’t like being treated like she’s helpless. bonus points if he says something romantic and or pathos’y about it.

did I write this whole oc story as a multiple chapter fanfiction in my head? yes, I did. am I going to finish it? absolutely no. but I’d love to read your interpretation!

♧ "Princess" - King Baldwin x Reader ♧

♧ Angst ♧

A/N: Hello Anon! So sorry for taking so long to write this, ive had so many requests. I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind but it was my interpretation and I hope you like it! I dont really like how it turned out as your request had so much detail and my writing does that no justice, but I hope its okay ☺️! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figgures. This is also set pre-film. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy

At thirteen years old, marriage was the last thing on young y/n’s mind. But yet, here she was. Soon to arrive in the city of Jerusalem, to be wed to a boy she had only ever met a handful of times.

Baldwin the fourth. The leper, who's mother just so happend to be ready to find him a wife at the same time her father was ready to find her a husband.

She sat in silence for the entire journey, this was uncommon for her. She usually always had something interesting to say or something to observe with curiosity. But as per request by her father, from now on she “had to act like a proper lady. No more of this ridiculous 'masculine' behavior”.

“You will be wed to a king y/n” he had told her. “You must stop acting the way you do. No king will be allowed such behavior from his wife”. 

Her attempt to keep to herself for the journey had been successful so far. She remained silent and still. Just as her mother taught her. “Just how a lady should be”. 

As the city came into view, y/n felt tears begin to burn her eyes. She would never again be allowed to explore the wilderness on her fathers land, or read every book she was allowed to have from the library. She surrendered herself to a life of boredom and suppression. 

Once exiting the carriage, she was greeted by the royal officials as well as the king's mother.

“I am so pleased to finally meet you young lady" she greeted her with a smile "you shall make a fine wife for my son” . Y/n thanked her and was ushered off quickly to prepare her for the hour of the wedding.

Y/n held back tears as servants worked busily around the room. Dressing her in beautiful garments, jewelry, and makeup. She was distraught. But she dare not cry. They could not see her so weak.

----------------------

The events proceeded and y/n barely even looked at the boy she was marrying. She could not bring herself to make eye contact with the man who would rule her life forever.

They told her to smile. “No man wants to see a lady disappointed on her wedding day” the king's mother had told her before they entered the church.

Baldwin himself was nervous about this day but just enthusiastic. Unlike y/n, he was looking forward to being wed to a young woman. He did not want just a wife to serve him, but a companion too. Someone who he could speak to about all kinds of things. Someone who would love him as much as he loved them. When he saw her, she looked beautiful, but sad. Very sad.

He hoped she was not sad about marrying him. Perhaps his illness deterred her from wanting to even be near him.

But she was still beautiful. She was 14, just like him. He could not take his eyes off her. He had met her a few times before, and she interested him deeply, even though they barely spoke. He more so just watched her play and talk with the other young people from his bedroom chamber window, longing to join them if it was not for his illness.

She played more with the young boys than she did with the girls. Always full of energy and life, always talking and laughing. But now, she looked different. As if the light had been drained from her. 

--------------------

When the wedding was over, the young king and queen got acquainted in the boy's chambers. She still seemed very quiet and unsure about his presence.

“Are you alright?” He asked her the second they were alone. “Yes your highness” she replied in a small voice, very different to the excitable tone she used to have. She sighed and lowered herself onto the small couch, turning away from him to look at her hands.

Baldwin thought for a moment, but then remembered that his mother requested he chose a wedding gift to present her after the affairs.

“I have a gift for you,” he said happily, lightening the mood.

He noticed her eyes light up a little at the comment. “You do?”

“Yes, would you like to see it?”

Y/n nodded excitedly, a smile forming on her face for the first time all day. The boy stood and disappeared behind the red, satin curtains that covered the large windows. He returned a few seconds later with something behind his back and a wide smile.

"I had to hide it, so my mother did not see what I chose for you" he explained. This peeked y/n's intrest greatly.

“Alright, close your eyes, '' he told her, the smile still plastered to his face. Y/n shut her eyes with anticipation. When he told her to open her eyes, she was lost for words. In the young king's bandaged hands, he held a shining silver sword with a pale pink ribbon tied around the handle.

Her eyes widened and stared at the sword for a long time before taking it in her hands to admire it. “Do you like it?” he asked, cautiously, hoping he had not offended her.

“Baldwin.. I love it!!” she exclaimed with a grin, jumping to her feet and wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. The smile returned to his face and he put his arms around her waist.

“Now you can defend yourself my love. No wife of mine will be left vulnerable, even if there are men to protect her. She will defend herself, because she is strong.” His words filled the queen with happiness and hope. Perhaps her father was wrong after all and she could remain as herself. At least in the presence of her husband. 

-------------------

From that day on, they were inseparable. Unlike y/n’s tutors and parents, he allowed her access to his entire private library so they could study and read together. He allowed her time to herself, so she could do the things she loved without anybody telling her how to behave.

He quite often went as far as to seek her out for advice on political issues, not allowing her straightforward intelligence to go to waste.

Overtime, y/n became used to her duties as queen, but as much as she learnt to fit the role, she treasured her time alone with Baldwin. He cared about her interests, her desires. He respected her, more than anyone else ever had. They played chess together as well, each game being a delightful battle of the mind.

He saw her as not just a wife, but as a companion and an intelligent one at that. And for this, she would be forever greatful.

[onlyplatonicirl]

boom explosion. guess what its been 2 years since i came into your ask box to bother you about blogverse!!! as usual its the roleplayer behind the first lorelcest kid Oleander, Mercury, and most importantly to me, Bv!Shandyo

genuine apologies if you dont enjoy these! thats pretty fair and i get that it didnt affect everyone else as strongly as it did me, i just feel like its important that you know how much youve affected my life positively.

so, i was a bullied, neglected kid with unsupervised internet acess when blogverse happened (still a kid just less, woo!) and blogverse, especially your blog was probably the only part of the internet that i genuinely believed changed me for the better.

the sense of belonging, escapism, and the opportunity to create a character and show them to others like me was incredibly beneficial for me as a person and an artist in the long run, and to this day making OCs, writing, and especially drawing are passions that i consider deeply important to me- passions that blogverse and its community didnt exactly start, but they played a big role in fostering it. i know you just accidentally one day made an entire community that lasted two months but i cannot stress to you enough that it changed my life and i cant thank you & queenie (unsure if they still go by that, sorry) enough for it.

I also majorly admired you (and many others in a lot of the communities you associated with, but especially you) greatly as a person, artist & writer!!! you were my art goal and while that's changed as ive grown, striving towards this goal nurtured a hobby that i now know was/is a special interest to me.

while probably seeming like minor interactions with some kid who didnt know how to write a consistent character to you, to me your patience, kindness & continual creation of art genuinely helped me retreat from my abusive home life, gain a sense of belonging as a bullied autistic child, get better at art n writing, & grow as a person. i still lurk in communities like blogverse, but bv was my first and forever will be cherished in my memory.

so yeah. the things you do affect people whether you think so or not, and while i dont majorly interact with your content anymore, i hope youre well n you keep being great. :)

I want you to know that I’m at a friend’s house right now and she’s cooking herself dinner. I’m reading this paragraph and I literally start tearing up in front of her and she asks me what’s wrong 😭😭😭

Legitimately I feel like I have somehow won at life, like I won a lottery, because I don’t possibly know what I did to deserve messages like this and it makes me feel so amazing to know that I have positively effected the life of another person. That’s all I can hope for in life, and I can feel how much heart went into this letter so I’m trying to respond in turn

Even though at the time of all of this I had just around turned 18 years old, I was still very much a kid who was also trying to escape from a less-than-ideal home life. I never expected an audience when writing tcoti, it was purely my own self-indulgent passion project with my own hyper-specific headcanons. The fact that other people resonated with it so much and it created so many other inspirations as completely unexpected and absolutely baffling to me. I could have never seen it coming in a million years. It changed MY life for the better to know a my own silly utmv ideas literally inspired like. Countless others

I’m also going to share this post with Queenie, because they NEED to see this. Blogverse was her passionate project and I think to know you were as touched by it as she was and loved the writing is amazing. Also I’m showing Slime. @cosmic-chronologer look at this post with your eyes. I didn’t contribute with the writing as much as I should have because of how busy I was, and the real masterminds behind the project go to Slime Queenie and Achro. I hope they see this message!!!!

Thank you for telling me about the positive impact me and the others have had on you, it genuinely makes me so happy to hear. I’m SO happy you’re still continuing to create!! Most of my utmv friends back from then have left the fandom obv but I’m still in contact with most of them :) it means so much to me that you told me, because otherwise I would have never known how you feel!!!!!

I wish you have been well all these years. I loved all the ship kids you made :))))))

[thisdreamplace]

♡ my year of rest & return ♡

a little catch up w/ me & blog update 2025!

૮₍ ˶• ༝ •˶ ₎ა

hi lovelies~ i havent been very active on this blog for maybe like 2 years now! its truly been hectic, & i'd love to catch up with yall and give you some insight on what i plan to do with this blog in the future~

firstly, thank you to everyone who's stayed with me all these years, & to those who have found me recently too! i love yall, from the bottom of my heart, forever & ever (´,,•ω•,,)♡

the past two years ive been traveling, A LOT, accomplishing something that i never thought i would. i've gotten to see so many beautiful countries & meet so many beautiful people on my travels. i even moved to a new country~ (y así llevo 2 años estudiando español y es un idioma q me encanta con todo mi corazón <3) through all of that though, it was pretty hectic, with constantly traveling i found myself always thrown into new situations (which i love!) but slowly, it also became very taxing on my mind, body, & soul. without realizing, constantly being on the go & not having enough time to just be puts a lot of stress on the inner world, because so much of your time is concentrated on the outer. i also found people in my life that i could talk to about anything, and i spent less time with myself like in the past, and more time relying on those around me. it was a beautiful moment in my life, because its one that the version of me who started this journey in 2020 never would have imagined could happen.

but, with that, i recognize there now calls for a return to the basics, a return to the breath, of the slowness of a passing day and the seduction of a moment that feels so eternal, so sweet & full of temptation.

i thought about how, through my constant trips, i lost an element for patience and found myself feeling more of "whats next? whats next?" an urgent need, a pull to have to be ready for the next thing. i became trapped in the prison of time, because time is of the essence, i need to do these things now, before time runs out. it was so gradual, so sneaky, so quiet that i didn't notice it at first. but the more the urgency snuck into the backdoor of my mind, the more it slowly plagued my mind, until it was my new way of being. it felt so natural, i hadnt even noticed it. when you live from that place of urgency, from anxiety, there's always a bittersweetness in every move you make.

if you feel as though something needs to happen now, or else, it most definitely can wait till later. its the little way the need for control, the ego blinds you into forcing your life, rather than allowing it flow. you can always try and make something happen. but from experience, when you allow life to happen, to take you on the journey, it's truly 100x better than if you had forced it yourself. there's magic on every corner like that. ☆*:.｡.

i still plan to travel this year (just a lil less tho!), its just part of my heart now. tell me, if you've ever been – or if you live in south america, where are your favorite places there? ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶ i'd love your suggestions ♡

that being said, i'd never delete this blog, even if i went entirely inactive, so there's never any need to worry about that. more than anything, this blog is truly an archive of my personal journal, my field notes, from start till now~ for that reason, i could never delete this treasure trove of memories and self-help that i've gathered over all these years ☆彡

my passion truly lies in writing and reaching out to others through what i write, sharing my truth through my writing, and hoping that what i've discovered & what i've felt & experienced can expand out like a much-needed hug for those who find it~ 𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡

that being said, i'm excited to spend more time again on this blog, to be able to reply to your asks in a more-timely manner (♡) and continue sharing my personal experiences as little fairy drops of hope and compassion, for anyone needing a little stardust in their life ♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

i also have some fun lil projects ive been working on inspired by yalls requests & my passion for the themes that i've dedicated this blog to for the past years, so look forward to that!

with so much love & well wishes to you all,

xoxo dream 💌 🫧

𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡ extras ♡ ⋆°｡⋆ 𐙚

i am currently…

ᡣ𐭩 watching: demon slayer ☆

ᡣ𐭩 reading: one hundred years of solitude by gabriel garcía márquez

ᡣ𐭩 listening to: debí tirar más fotos ♪ bad bunny

ᡣ𐭩 drinking: green tea

ᡣ𐭩 eating: fresh strawberries from the local market

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

🪟

my revelaysheawn of the night . . .

ive been trying so hard to understand the fear i have around releaseing my EP

because usually im not so afraid to express myself. And i thought maybe i was just afraid to feel vulnerable but i knew thats not as deep as i could go that doesnt satisfy me as an explanation

upon introspection i realize i am like. Really scarred by a repetition that took place over the past 5 years

Where every time i did something that succeeded, and made me feel like i was shining, people i loved would start lashing out at me more and more. To the point that i have had to dismiss them from my life

Like, people i REALLY cared about, and it was always fucking shocking to be confronted with the reality of the secret venom they kept in their back pocket for when they couldn't cope with their insecurity

i dont think its even a Me thing i think its something thats very formulaic in a certain type of insecure disposition & gets excreted on whoever it happens to perceive as "threatening" at any given moment

Because i experienced it from multiple people and it was the same every time. Still never got less jarring because you never think it's gonna be your own friends, you think, surely they want to see me succeed the same way i do for them, surely surely?

Surely this time will be different..

And i'm seeing how this has like, subconsciously lead me to wanting to keep myself very small and unnoticed, lest i fly too close to the sun and have anyone else i love turn against me on a dime in a heartbeat in a flash.

Not even trying to be on some "Haters & Losers" shit because i dont think theyre haters or losers (towards me) they just hate themselves and unconsciously can not handle being friends w someone who wants to improve themself so they have to turn everything into a competition and its just like. Entirely one sided while im over here still trying to support them & be a good friend until i eventually reach my limit of unnecessarily scathing interactions i can handle and cut the cord.

i just dont want to care anymore. i dont want to care that some people will never want anyone else to shine. i think all those people are out of my life now anyways. theres like 3 or 4 people who i actually talk to anymore so what am i still afraid of? its all just leftover stickiness from the past. 2024 i really had to work through some SHIT that occured from 2019 onwards. its all just residue now.

At least after this introspection tonight i feel i finally have something tangible to work on releasing so i can finally move on. Because i was feeling really stuck not knowing what exactly im trying to run away from here, trying to see the source of the avoidance.

because i knew all along i dont really feel afraid that the music itself will be rejected. at this point im pretty desensitized to sharing my creations online in terms of like, the reaction it gets and numbers and whatever. i have many methods of disengaging from that. its the interpersonal pain, from people i put a lot of heart into, that lingers . . .

i dont want to hate myself and i dont want anyone else to hate themselves so when people inadvertently use me as a vehicle for those feelings its really so soul-crushing to me i wish no one would do that to anyone ever again.

dont love me if u only wanna love me when im downbad !!

i wish for love and trust and harmony and mutual uplifting bonds forever.

Thats my 2am thots. I wonder what i will do about it tomorrow. Good night Xx

[midorishinji]

Disappearing act - chapter XVII

Geto observed her more carefully, trying to decide whether she was being serious or not. — Killing non-sorcerers? — It's an option, but I don't take it seriously. Do you? — Yuki pressed him with a loaded question. Suguru Geto thought of them all — Shoko, Nanami, Haibara, Riko, Kuroi, his parents, Satoru — and his chest filled with an unbearable pain, but also an incredibly monumental love, so much that it felt like it would stretch and burst at the seams of his heart that could not contain it. He thought of his father again, reading him "Night on the Galactic Railroad" when he was young, and he thought of Satoru reading his own copy now during his leisure nights. He thought of Giovanni and Campanella, and of the Scorpio of the night sky, and of the nobility of sacrifice, of setting yourself on fire to warm the world.

Satosugu ｜Finalized｜Long fic｜Also being published in Portuguese and on AO3

Chapters: I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI - XII - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI - XVII

Chapter XVII: you are more to me than any of them has any idea

Some situations are truly inexplicable. If a year ago someone had told Suguru Geto that he was in love with his best friend, he would have laughed at that hypothesis — Satoru was selfish, annoying, frivolous, had terrible manners, and yet he was the person he trusted and respected the most for being paradoxically altruistic, courageous, challenging, fair, funny, entertaining and so many other qualities that only he seemed to see, but that was completely different from falling in love, that's what Geto would have said. Despite this, there he was, sitting on the bed of Satoru Gojo, heir to the Gojo clan, as they watched “Love Letter” on the night of his birthday, and Satoru fought with all his strength not to cry, a losing battle.

He had never imagined Satoru as being the type of person who cried watching sad movies, but in a way, that didn't surprise him; people who smile the most are usually the ones who hide their suffering even deeper, that's what his mother had once told him, and he knew that this applied especially well to Satoru. Always keeping everything to himself, disguising pain with cynicism and sarcasm, carrying the burden of being the strongest alone. But around him, Satoru allowed himself to be vulnerable, to just be himself.

In the film, Hiroko shouted to the mountains, hearing the echo of her own voice: — How are you? I'm doing fine... — at the same time Itsuki Fujii whispered weakly in a hospital bed the same words. The two repeated the same thing, again and again, Fujii increasingly fragile, Hiroko increasingly desperate, tears streaming down her face and emotion choking her voice. They were both mirrors of each other, tied to the person who united them forever, who was now buried in the mountain to which Hiroko screamed at dawn. No grand declaration of love, no grand gestures, nothing pompous, because “I love you” is often “how are you?”, “did you eat?”, “you need to sleep”, “I thought of you”, “ I miss you”, “let's do something together” and so many other variations, like a secret shared between two people, a specific language that only two understood.

Satoru wiped away some insistent tears, looking away from the screen as he pretended to clean his glasses. It wasn't one of his most convincing performances, and he was aware of that. His chest hurt so much it felt like it was going to explode, because a person can only keep a secret for so long before they’re consumed completely, and he was reaching his limit. Being so close to Suguru that his bodies were touching, and at the same time so far away, was something that hurt him, shattered his nerves, tore his heart apart, messed with his head. So close, and at the same time so far apart. And Suguru, the always patient, calm, gentle, fair, docile Suguru, certainly pretended not to notice so as not to hurt him even more, because at that point, there wasn't a single person on this entire damn planet who hadn't noticed that Satoru Gojo was red with embarrassment whenever they hugged, trembling with terror and excitement at his touch, and lost himself in ramblings whenever he felt nervousness untie his tongue in completely random monologues.

He knew he needed to say something. That swallowing those same words over and over again was killing him inside, suffocating him with this love that bloomed inside his chest until there was no room for anything else. And even then, he couldn't say anything. When he parted his lips, they dried up, anxious, and his tongue became limp, coward, unable to articulate anything, then he fell silent again.

Suguru rested his head on his shoulder, the gesture that was repeated so many times with the roles reversed, which made Gojo's heart skip a beat. Out of kindness, he didn't say anything about Satoru's soft heart, who was moved like a child by a romance movie. — You were right, Satoru. This film is really sad.

— Do you think it's true, Suguru? That we fall in love with a person for the first time, and look for them everywhere else afterwards?

Gojo wanted the answer to be “no”. That he would say “this is too dramatic”. That he’d say “once you get over it, it stops hurting”. He wished he was wrong, like he never had wished for before, even though he knew the true answer in his heart.

— I think so too. I've been thinking about that since you told me that day, and I think it's true. Before you said it, I had never noticed how I always compare others to the person I like. Sometimes someone does something, and I think “he would do the same”, or “he is also kind like that”, or “he would do it differently, in another way”, and after I realized it, I can no longer deny it, there's no way to escape. — Geto said, his eyes focused on the television screen. The white snow of the mountains filled everything except for the red spot on Hiroko's sweater, red as blood.

He.

— Oh. — Satoru murmured, surprised. His face had the most intense expression of panic he had ever had in his entire life, calculating all the implications of a pronoun.

— I hope you don't mind, but I bought you another gift for your birthday. You devoured my Natsume Souseki collection, so I bought you a copy of “Heart”. — I offer my heart to you, was what he wanted to say, without having the courage to do so. That was what was written between the lines of a language made for two.

— Natsume Souseki... He was the guy who invented that story about the moon being beautiful, right?

Geto nodded. — Some people say so, but I think it's just a legend.

Silence. Satoru seemed lost in his thoughts, like a mathematician calculating probabilities. Long minutes passed while they watched the film in that same position, so comfortable, so natural, as if they had been made for that moment.

— Hey, Suguru.

— Huh?

— “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

With incomparable stealth, Geto looked out the window, nonchalantly. — I don't know, it's still four in the afternoon, I don't think you can see the moon that early.

In that moment, Gojo felt like screaming, feeling that his face probably went through all the shades of red in the universe, and a few more that only shrimp could see, and he tried to hide it by covering his face with his hands. — Suguru…!

The other laughed. — “Yes, I can die happy now.”

Silence.

— Suguru, I…

— I know. I love you too. — Geto replied, kissing him. For a moment, nothing else seemed to matter: not the Time Vessel Association, not Kaori Itadori, not the social worker and the children, not the elders, not what other people would think. Everything faded into insignificance, completely disappearing into the background.

[princessfaerygia]

please please please break up with your boyfriend and get far away from him. you are a victim of severe domestic violence and abuse. please cut off contact forever. report him to the local authorities and get a restraining order if you can too. you deserve to be safe and protected. he is evil and doesn't love you. please love yourself enough to leave his demonic ass.

hi friend. yes i am. thank you for validating the pain and trauma ive endured in my current "romance".

🐾💚🌍it means the world to me you believe i should be safe and protected.🌎💚🐾

it's interesting you call him evil, as he sometimes says im the most evil person ever.

i love myself lots which is embarrassing really because i know God doesn't consider self love a virtue.

it may come soon: my separation from him. because of my spirituality/lack of satisfaction in copulation. it really affects his ego and self esteem ~as he is well known to give great pleasure to women.

in defense of our romance🕯️we are both infantile and clingy. him in actual need of physical tender affection and myself "desiring" physical affection from *him* in particular. i find him to be the most attractive man ive ever seen. also my desire for deep tissue back massages and his ability to outstandingly meet that desire "triumphs". im truly like an addict for deep tissue massages, especially coming from him. (though right now since i bit his finger badly, he is currently "out of order" in that area of pleasure for me)

as i've said i am very much an orgasmic sensual being. though i do not believe any man (or woman for that matter) can truly satisfy my sexual needs because they are spiritually inclined. i am slow moving. in this world ,this society, everything is so fast paced and done with haste in order to keep up.

in defense of our romance🕯️ he is the best boyfriend i've ever had and i have had many. he spends money on me, when he had a car he took me hiking in nature everyday (my favey), when he hasn't had a car he's walked long distances with me, even when he has chronic back and leg pain. occasionally he buys me roses. at least 8 times thus far in our nearly two year romance.

i am a strange mentally ill person filled with fear and delusional paranoid beliefs at times. he is straightforward and tells it like it is: that it is bullshit, not real. and i trust him in that.

he is incredibly goofy and humiliating. when i say humiliating it's because i feel others would mock him for simply being lost, hurt, fucked up, and strange. on his goofiness he is quite creative in the silliness provided. yes it's stupid but it also lightens the load on my heavy heart and occupies my mind with nonsense and silliness instead of solemn concern , hyper self consciousness, paranoia, and intrusive thoughts.

at first he was a bad kisser but he has adapted to be my favorite kisser.

another good thing about him is would never ever call the police on me like my own mother has. (she called police during one of my psychotic episodes)

i experience a rare occurrence called oculogyric crisis occasionally. and accompanying the upward deviation of my eyes, i also have a copious amounts of intense intrusive thoughts during it. the first time i had this oculogyric crisis thing around him, he kept crying because he felt so disconnected from me and perhaps hopefully empathy.

he sometimes/rarely has lil mini strokes. i told my mom this and she said something i took to heart: "it's a good sign you can fall apart around each other"

though he is lacking much empathy and understanding, and perhaps morals, he still is my infantile hearts desire.

but really don't know if it will last. since copulation is so important to him, i may end up losing him.

the more i share my story on this website, with others positive support of me---the more anti sex im feeling lately.

but perhaps i can get back into the groove with him, who knows.

i do fear your concern has ground. tho he has trauma from police, been abused by them since he was young and homeless. i don't want him in trouble with them.

if push comes to shove and the abuse worsens, such as something truly badly violent ~like if he punches me hard in face or pulls chunks out of my hair again, i know it will be time to move on.

i am so pleased with your concern and care. im proud of you for your strong stance against abuse.

life is harsh.

love you!

[happyendingsong]

rumble thots :)

IDEAL SCENARIO is iyo wins and goes after giulia

+ WOULD BE SOOOOOO CUNTTTTTTT❣️

+ there is precedent since charlotte went after rhea's nxt title in 2020 ("how dare you wave around the title that EYE built in MY face" god that build was so good)

+ iyo vs utami last year shows iyo can still must still should still and will still wrestle at full throttle joshi speeds and i think she'd love getting to do a match that intense on da grandest stage of dem all babey. giulia would love it too and i think it'd be such a fab way of cementing what her title reign looks like

+ they could build to the match by having a lil crossover programme with marigold :^) esp since it'd be an nxt crossover, i think wwe would be more willing for that

- ^ delusional. wwe never even talked about that iyo vs utami match (thinking about you forever queen of queens <3......) on wwe programming so i don't think they give enough of a shit to build something like that because they're a bad company and they hate women and wrestling. sicksadworld.

i still think iyo is a safe bet to win the rumble, but they'd probably be setting up for iyo vs rhea

+ they have some history from nxt, and they had some good matches iirc. that io vs rhea vs charlotte match from in your house was sooooo fab, ive been wanting to rewatch it recently

+ ive been wanting to see more of a story with them since survivor series and they were all over each other during the victory poses lol. iyo jumping into rhea's arms at every chance, she's so cute..

- i don't know what they'd do for a storyline esp since wwe keeeppppssss dropping the ball with iyo especially. i really don't want them erasing this face run just to have her haphazardly turn heel again for a "they used to be friends now they hate each other" template storyline

otherwise they might do iyo vs tiffany

+ moonsault vs moonsault

- :/

wwe is wayyyy more invested in the men's rumble than the women's this year (more than usual), so i think they're either gonna go with the safe pop in iyo or they'll give it to aj lol (99% of aj truthers give up right before aj's rumble return NEVER STOP AJ TRUTHING).

charlotte's also a safe enough bet. it would be fine, just boring if they're just building to tiffany vs charlotte, like we don't need to waste charlotte's second rumble win on that esp when it was SUCH a gag she used the first one to go to nxt

there aren't many standout options for rumble winners this year...... maybe jordynne grace? i do want jordynne vs rhea sooner than later because it'll slay and also because im trying to get my normie lesbian friend into wrestling since she keeps getting rhea on her fyp. im hoping some exec at netflix claps triple h on the back of the head and makes him realise they need a muscle mommy vs muscle mommy match for social media engagement. it's the only way to get normies into wrestling, this booking shit is easy.

i really hope the bayley/iyo tease from the other night leads to something and we get some slayful interactions during the rumble :^)

i hope jade comes back too and we get some throuple drama with her bianca and naomi <3...... idk on the other hand i want them to be like the new day and just share the tag titles between the three of them because theyre such a force to be reckoned with together. i love factions i love stables i love polycules!!!! bianca vs naomi vs jade is gonna be soooo good eventually, but it might be too early pulling the trigger on that for this wrestlemania. i don't trust wwe with anything

i hope we get a jazz return...... nikki bella would be SO cunt and smart too. lita still has unfinished business with becky. i need a maryse return at one of these fucking things i swear

okay that's it mwah

[kath-artic]

moar

since im on the topic i wanna play around in this space a little more

growing up i was a very private person. sure, my best friends knew about problems at home and my struggles with mental health, but i never talked to them about the things i cared about or the people i liked. love was such a valuable thing that to talk about it frivolously seemed sinful and just downright disrespectful to the concept. it had to be protected. this is unfortunately why i stayed in my first relationship for so long. i foolishly thought that i was somehow about infatuation and frivolous love. i thought id know it when i found it and that id never let it go, so i couldnt just admit id made a mistake. regardless, friendships to me were always about being too in the moment to care about anything else. friendship was about silent understanding and play. most of my high school friends were like this. we never talked about our lives outside of school save for one or two times, but we all knew we were all going through something so we'd all keep each other busy all night. we wouldnt leave the school until the janitors kicked us out and then we'd wander the town. every now and then someone would break down and cry and we'd sit there and hold each other, but talking about it hardly seemed necessary at that time. it wasnt until the dam broke for me at the end of my senior year that i started really opening up about stuff. that was my brief Therapy phase. i became obsessed with talking about the trauma id gone through and didnt know how to be someone outside of it for a while, but that was a horrible person to be for me. i feel bad for her and it was important that i was her for a time, but im glad im not anymore. she taught me how to be open, but every time i opened up i exploded and it never felt all that fulfilling. in fact, i found that me "trauma dumping" was just me trying to answer everyones questions before they started prying so theyd think i had nothing to hide. i was afraid of people knowing me at that time. what's more, the concept of meeting new people was exhausting at that time because to know me at that time was to know what id been through and it was hard having to go through it again and again.

leaving fixed me. ive said it before but it remains true. ive realized i love a blank slate and ive realized that knowing me is an innate quality some people do or dont possess in varying degrees. ive realized my story is mine and that i generally like being private because i really only like sharing when i think i'll be understood or when i think it's necessary to expose people to new possibilities. i like knowing lots of people, i like knowing them deeply and intimately, but not necessarily constantly. i dont want people to run dry by dumping all their is to know at my feet at once, which is why i think space is so necessary for me. old friends reaching out is such a joy because theyre a new person at this point! new friends are such a joy because they tend to feel as though theyre old friends! i just like for my circle to be full of as many people who are distinctly themselves as possible and i like to learn something. i know sometimes i have to be the teacher, but i vastly prefer equal exchanges. there are few people i never grow tired of, but they tend to also be the ones who think similarly and likewise go off on their own from time to time. we maintain a healthy distance even though we could just as easily talk forever and ever and never grow bored. i think thats the kind of relationship i can have only one of at a time and its something i reserve for romatic partners. a romantic partner is someone who is eternally interesting. someone i can be close to and still find more new things about. i still like to have space, but the closeness wouldnt make me squirm. we could talk forvever and ever and maybe we just will. idk. but there it is

[sliceocheese]

howdy everyone! i wanna begin with some good old reminiscing and story telling if ya dont mind

i joined tumblr in early 2023 and made my first ever post on this account on april the 20th (it was a wilbur soot post lmfaoooo)

some of my happiest 2023 memories happened because of this hellsite lol

so many fun things happened! i made friends, got adopted, cried because of roleplay, promised to draw things for people and never did, almost got burned alive because someone *coughcough* iceeericeee *cough* decided to blowtorch the cage i was locked in, cried some more because people accepted my for the ever changing person i was, got into new fandoms, got into new art forms, got out of an abusive relationship, got into therapy lmao, got a dog, confessed to a crush, god it was fun times

yall made me a better person.

this was me when i was 12:

yikes 😬 (GET HER SOME EYEBROWS)

i was 12, depressed, hated myself and everyone around me, in an abusive relationship which lead me to want to kill myself (FUCK YOU AIDEN 🖕), ya bitch legit couldnt smile. this was my best attempt ^^^ im pretty sure one time i didnt brush my teeth/hair or shower for like a month 💀💀💀

but then something amazing happened.

i joined the natm fandom (lord knows the gays have an effect on me TwT) and simultaneously joined tumblr cus oml i LOVED THE ART BY VINTAGEDUCKY AND I LOVED HISTORICALKITTENS NATM FICS AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CREATIVECHAOS

i was so happy with my little blorbos getting put in situations <3 and then one day i saw a reblog chain with a few people arguing about what a certain potatoey snack was called. and that was what started it all.

almost every night for the spring and summer on 2023 ya girl was eating upppppp moot fam roleplay. i would stay up pull alnighters staring at my 2014 ipad mini waiting for someone in my family to reblog my post, or hide in the bathroom at school staring at my apple watch waiting for angelo to start the post for our next little adventure.

yall are legit the reason i started loving life again 🥰

ok now fast forward to the start of my freshman year! look at this stunning mf

ya bitch was still struggling but i was doing so much better!!! i had cut off my abusive friend, had gotten a whole new friend group whom i adore, GOT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND??? (idk how i managed that one -u-‘) i was going out of my house like 500% more in a week than i had for the past 9 years TwT

so now time for the bad news ig…

i will be logging off tumblr.

ive been having some therapy worthy issues lately and think its best id i hop off for a while

not like an: IM LEAVING FOREVER AND I NEVER WANNA TALK TO YALL AGAIN BYE BYE BITCHES 👋 but more like im gonna delete the app and only log in every now and then to say hi to my friends

so im afraid im gonna have to scrap natm second chances and most of my rp 😔

i really hope to one day i can come back better than ever and be the mutual yall all deserve <3

and just in case i dont rejoin for a while i wanna share with yall some scheduled posts for my 18th birthday and how things ended up instead :)

god i wish i knew i was gonna be ok <3

aoughhhhh now time for the part thats probably gonna make me cry lmaoooooo

thank you sparrow and mottts for being amazing online parents

thank you rice and chaos and leon and pal and soda and fdrsducky for being an amazing family

thank you stickers for dealing with my constant face time calls and shenanigans <3

thank you magnificentobsession for being a second mom to me <3

thank you angelo for supporting my goofiness and being a combo best friend, dad, and brother

pukicho you’re probably never gonna see this but thank you for that one time you dm’d me to assure me you did not tell you followers to call me a faggot lmfaooo

thank you vintageducky, historicalkitten, and creativechaosapparently for making such wonderful natm content that i would scroll through on nights when i was sad

thank you thank you thank you.

whelp i guess this is the end

and loves, if i dont see ya tomorrow, good afternoon good evening and goodnight <3

over and out

i have no idea how to start this post ngl

[candyunicornsateme]

Kenny wants to show Kyle the stars again and says “I want to show you something” and takes him into the woods at night and after about 10 steps in Kyle’s like “This would be really creepy if I didn’t know you”

[jackiietaylor]

unpopular stranger things opinions/hot takes 👀

omg thanks for sending this and giving me a reason to share my opinions 👀 this got really long because i have a lot to say apparently

first of all, i genuinely love and enjoy this show and that seems to be an unpopular opinion recently? like i was shocked when i logged on after watching volume 2 and everyone on my dash hated it because i loved it. and i love all the other seasons, too. yeah obviously there’s some parts i don’t like and things i would change but overall i still think it’s really good. but yeah mandatory “i do actually really like the show” before i start complaining about some things

s1 > s4 > s3 > s2

i don’t understand the obsession with character death. not as in i don’t understand why people don’t want characters to die but i don’t understand the constant need to talk about how characters are “definitely” going to die. no main character has been killed off throughout the whole show and yet pre-s4 no one would shut up about characters dying. also after the reaction to eddies death i think the duffers are gonna be too scared to kill anyone off lol

on the other hand, killing el off/not giving her a happy ending would be the single greatest mistake the show could make

el’s side plot in s2 is one of the highlights of the show for me. the lost sister will probably forever be my favorite episode of the show. ive never understood the hate it gets. im really hoping that kali comes back in s5 and helps fight vecna

el is the only Main character. there are obviously many other characters that are leads but she is ultimately the main character. the entire show revolves around her and her plot(s).

nancy has some of the best development in the entire show. ive seen so many people say she has no development outside of the love triangle and i find that so surprising because she’s changed soo much. her entire journey to wanting to be a reporter directly stems from her not being listened to and her desire to do something about barbs death. everything about her current character stems from that specific moment and we’ve seen throughout the seasons how that’s progressed and shaped her into and i think because of that development, she’s pretty much the only character with a defined ending (career as a journalist)

mike has done like one thing wrong in the entire show and im so unbelievably tired of people acting like he’s the villain. he’s a 14 year old who doesn’t know how to perfectly express himself sometimes. people need to leave him alone

steve & robin and el & max have the two best friendships on the entire show and anyone who says otherwise is wrong

hopper should’ve stayed dead. his death was perfectly written in s3 and reviving him brought nothing to the plot. it wasn’t even explained how he survived, he was just there. it wasn’t well thought out or well written, and overall it just wasnt necessary. they ruined what was ultimately a beautiful send off (the speech to end s3) for a cheap plot twist that had no payoff.

(also i don’t like hopper because he gave brenner el’s location in s1, fully intending that he would kidnap her again. it’s unforgivable regardless of what his reasoning was and i hate that it was never brought up ever again)

going off of that, the entire russia plot is the worst written part of the whole show. it could be scrapped entirely from s4 and the season would lose nothing

stranger things is blatantly obvious about what ships are gonna end up together at the end of the show

jancy is just a truly terrible ship all around. jonathan hiding in a bush to take pictures of nancy through a window while she was taking her clothes off is soo unbelievably creepy and unforgivable, and it’s terrible that it was just dropped with no consequences whatsoever for him. he doesn’t even actually apologize! he says he shouldnt have taken the picture, but when she asks him why he took it in the next episode he says it was just a nice picture and then starts lecturing her about how she’s gonna end up miserable like her mom?? they should’ve never got together after all that. and then there’s all the bullshit in s3 when he undermined the misogyny she was facing at work and didn’t believe her at all which just further proves that they shouldn’t be together! and then she forgot he existed for most of s4 anyway

i want nancy to end the show single so bad

robin/vickie sucks lol. stranger things is probably the only show that has me rooting against the lesbian character ending up in a relationship. vickie is sooo boring and has absolutely no personality! even suzie’s random family members got personalities in s4! im tired of being told to accept the bare minimum just because a show is adding a random throwaway gay character. vickie serves no purpose in the plot and id rather not waste the extremely limited time left in the show developing robins relationship with a complete nobody when her friendships with pre-existing characters should be the focus. also every single one of their scenes featured steve in some capacity which was very annoying

steve and nancy actually have such an interesting dynamic as characters but specifically as exes. personally, i do not think they should get back together, but i think what makes them interesting is why they shouldn’t be together. obviously their first breakup is because of their different reactions to barbs death. their relationship was never going to make it past that. barb died because nancy brought her to steves house, she died AT steves house, and died while nancy was alone with steve. there was never any coming from back that, not while nancy hadn’t processed her grief and especially not when steve was trying to convince her to forget about it and go to a party. but they’ve both grown as people since then, and they’re still not going to work. steve wants a big family, nancy is career-oriented to the point that she will do anything to succeed as a journalist. nancy doesn’t want the suburban, nuclear family life. they are fundamentally mismatched when it comes to what they want in life and i think exploring THAT aspect of their dynamic is so much more interesting than just shoving them back together

overall the show is so much more enjoyable when you don’t care about ships <3 please disregard everything i just said about the ships <3 but seriously the main focus of the show is not even remotely centered on the romantic relationships and watching the show without really caring about that aspect of things is way better

this isn’t a hot take about the show but more the fandom: a lot of the dynamics do not exist at all in the show the way some people think they do. most obvious example is el and will, who both are wayyyy closer to at least 3 other characters than they are to each other. this isn’t just limited to stranger things, it happens in most shows, especially ones with a found family element (ex. agents of shield) but people tend to forget what the dynamics actually are and then project their opinions onto the characters

semi-related and not really a hot take but if i had to choose underrated/non-existent dynamics to explore in s5, i would choose: lucas and el (connection to max), nancy and el (both on the show since s1 but have barely spoken, both the only people to know vecna’s full backstory firsthand), and nancy and mike (siblings who both probably think they’re only children at this point because they never interact with each other)

also related to fandom but it’s so clear that so many people either have not watched the show or just don’t anything remember what happens in the show when they post shit. and that’s way there’s sooo much mischaracterization everywhere

this show has way too many characters and it’s resulted in a lot of them having nothing to do for entire seasons. look at the california group from this season. they spent the entirety of episodes 5-8 driving around in a van with nothing to do. even joyce, who was one of the main main characters in earlier seasons, felt like she was just kinda there this season. part of it is the way they divide the plots, especially geographically this season, but the other part is just not having anywhere near enough time or plot spaces for all the characters. it’s unfortunately probably only gonna get worse in s5 because they have to somehow wrap up every characters individual plot in addition to the greater shows plot

and my hottest take is that will is severely overhyped sorry. he’s just not that interesting of a character and i really don’t understand that obsession with him? i mean he’s a fine character and he hasn’t really done anything wrong but there are so many other characters that are actually involved in the plot that i find way more interesting, relevant, and better written. like he was barely in s1, s2 was more about things happening to him than him actually doing anything, and s3 and s4 he didn’t do anything. hopefully s5 will give him something interesting to do but for now i just don’t see it

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

[dontbipanicjonsa]

A confusing clusterfuck of thoughts re: Jonsa

Or: why the fuck are Jon and Sansa so compatible if they're not canon, huh?

He saw the Wall shining like blue crystal, and his bastard brother Jon sleeping alone in a cold bed, his skin growing pale and hard as the memory of all warmth fled from him. - Bran III AGOT

So....Jon is going to lose memory of all warmth? I'm going to separate the changes brought about in post-resurrection!Jon here as changes caused by death and changes caused by Ghost. This post is only speculating about the changes caused by death i.e. loss of memory of all warmth.

More foreshadowing for that-

Chunks of coal burned in iron braziers at either end of the long room, but Jon found himself shivering. The chill was always with him here. In a few years he would forget what it felt like to be warm. - Jon III AGOT

"It was. The fort is in a sorry state, admittedly. You will restore it as best you can..." ... You'll sleep on stone, too exhausted to complain or plot, and soon you'll forget what it was like to be warm, but you might remember what it was to be a man. - Jon II ADWD

So, I did a word search for warm and memory and I found some interesting stuff. Read under the cut.

1. Home

Jon- warmth and memory of home

The memory of her laughter warmed him on the long ride north. - Jon II AGOT (thinking about Arya)

The weariness came on him suddenly... So cold, he thought, remembering the warm halls of Winterfell, where the hot waters ran through the walls like blood through a man's body. There was scant warmth to be found in Castle Black... - Jon III AGOT

...Iron Emmett was still urging on his charges in the yard. The song of steel on steel woke a hunger in Jon. It reminded him of warmer, simpler days, when he had been a boy at Winterfell matching blades with Robb under the watchful eye of Ser Rodrik Cassel. Ser Rodrik too had fallen, slain by Theon Turncloak... All my memories are poisoned. - Jon VI ADWD

The warmth took some of the ache from his muscles and made him think of Winterfell's muddy pools, steaming and bubbling in the godswood. Winterfell, he thought. Theon left it burned and broken, but I could restore it.-Jon XII ASOS

So, these are the memories of warmth he'll lose? This warmth, that he associates with Winterfell (and the Starks), is the first memory of warmth Jon has.

Dany- memory of home

The door loomed before her, the red door, so close, so close, the hall was a blur around her, the cold receding behind... and all that lived and breathed fled in terror from the shadow of her wings. She could smell home, she could see it, there, just beyond that door, green fields and great stone houses and arms to keep her warm, there. She threw open the door.

"… the dragon …" - Daenerys IX AGOT

Home? The word made her feel sad. Ser Jorah had his Bear Island, but what was home to her? A few tales, names recited as solemnly as the words of a prayer, the fading memory of a red door … was Vaes Dothrak to be her home forever? - Daenerys VI AGOT

..."What shall we talk of?"

"Home," said Dany. "Naath. Butterflies and brothers. Tell me of the things that make you happy, the things that make you giggle, all your sweetest memories. Remind me that there is still good in the world."

Missandei did her best. She was still talking when Dany finally fell to sleep, to dream queer, half-formed dreams of smoke and fire. - Daenerys VIII ADWD

Dany's idea of 'home' changes over the course of the books. In the beginning she uses home for Illyrio's house, or the house with the red door. She very clearly doesn't think of Westeros as her home. After Viserys's death however, there's a sudden shift. Now, Westeros is her long lost home that she must return to someday. It's jarring. Interestingly enough, she pretty clearly rejects the idea of Dothraki khalasars as home, and the only time she calls Meereen home is in her last chapter of ADWD where she's trying to convince herself to return there. But we know that she ultimately rejects that too, in the same chapter.

Sansa- memory of home

Snow was falling on the Eyrie.

Outside the flakes drifted down as soft and silent as memory. Was this what woke me? Already the snowfall lay thick... The sight took Sansa back to cold nights long ago, in the long summer of her childhood. - Sansa VII ASOS

Last of all came the Royces, Lord Nestor and Bronze Yohn... Though his hair was grey and his face lined, Lord Yohn still looked as though he could break most younger men like twigs in those huge gnarled hands. His seamed and solemn face brought back all of Sansa's memories of his time at Winterfell. - Alayne I AFFC

She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend... She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears. Once in a while, Sansa even missed her sister. By now Arya was safe back in Winterfell... - Sansa II ACOK

Arya coz why not

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths.… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you …" - Arya II AGOT

Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. - Arya II AFFC

Again, all this (and much more) is stuff that reminds Sansa (and Arya) of home. This is, presumably, shit that Jon is gonna forget. Or maybe he'll retain the memories and only lose the emotions (warmth) associated with it?

2. Suitors or romantic/sexual partners (+Ben Plumm)

Jon

Many a night he lay with Ygritte warm beside him,... - Jon V ASOS

So, Ygritte becomes his second memory of warmth.

When he turned he saw Ygritte.

...cloaked in darkness and in memory. The light of the moon was in her hair, her red hair kissed by fire. When he saw that, Jon's heart leapt into his mouth. "Ygritte," he said.

"Lord Snow." The voice was Melisandre's.

Surprise made him recoil from her. "Lady Melisandre." He took a step backwards. "I mistook you for someone else." At night all robes are grey. - Jon VI ADWD

AT NIGHT ALL ROBES ARE GREY...yea I know, this is a well established connection between the Girl in Grey and Ygritte. Since Jon associates Ygritte with warmth so strongly, I think it's safe to assume that the Girl in Grey might play a role in warming him too (hehe).

… one hears queer talk of dragons."

"Would that we had one here. A dragon might warm things up a bit."

"My lord jests. You will forgive me if I do not laugh. We Braavosi are descended from those who fled Valyria and the wroth of its dragonlords. We do not jape of dragons." - Jon IX ADWD

Yikes.

Dany

"If my queen commands," he (Jorah) said, curt and cold.

Dany was warm enough for both of them. "She does," she said. "She commands...

When he was gone, Dany threw herself down on her pillows beside her dragons. She had not meant to be so sharp with Ser Jorah, but his endless suspicion had finally woken her dragon. - Daenerys IV ASOS

So, here the warmth is because of anger (woken the dragon).

Dany could feel the warmth of his fingers. He was warm in Qarth as well, she recalled, until the day he had no more use for me. She rose to her feet. "Come," she said, and Xaro followed her through the pillars... - Daenerys III ADWD

She remembered Ben's face the last time she had seen it. It was a warm face, a face I trusted... Even the dragons had been fond of old Brown Ben, who liked to boast that he had a drop of dragon blood himself. Three treasons will you know. Once for gold and once for blood and once for love. Was Plumm the third treason, or the second? And what did that make Ser Jorah, her gruff old bear? Would she never have a friend that she could trust?- Daenerys VI ADWD

This is twice that Dany associates warmth with people who use/betray her.

"You're hurt," she gasped.

"This?" Daario touched his temple. "A crossbowman tried to put a quarrel through my eye, but I outrode it. I was hurrying home to my queen, to bask in the warmth of her smile." He shook his sleeve, spattering red droplets. - Daenerys VI ADWD

Dawn always came too soon.

...If only she had the power, she would have made their nights go on forever, but the best that she could do was stay awake to try and savor every last sweet moment before daybreak turned them into no more than fading memories....

Dany wrapped her arms around her captain and pressed herself against his back. She drank in the scent of him, savoring the warmth of his flesh, the feel of his skin against her own. Remember, she told herself. Remember how he felt. - Daenerys VII ADWD

Ok, I forgot how smitten Dany was with Daario. It would be cute if Daario wasn't so horrifying. Girl has some seriously questionable taste.

Interestingly, the phrase 'fading memory' is used four times in the text (as far as I can find) and three of those times are in Daenerys's POV. One is in the above quote, where she's commanding herself to remember her time with Daario before her marriage to Hizdahr, and the other time is while thinking about the red door. Both these are memories that are important to her, that connect her to the hopeful/little/not-dark girl she once was.

Sansa

Gently, he spoke of Braavos, and met a wall of sullen courtesy as icy and unyielding as the Wall he had walked once in the north. - Tyrion VIII ASOS

"I am composing a new song, you should know. A song so sweet and sad it will melt even your frozen heart. 'The Roadside Rose,' I mean to call it. About a baseborn girl so beautiful she bewitched every man who laid eyes upon her." - Sansa VII ASOS

"Alayne." Her aunt's singer stood over her. "Sweet Alayne. I am Marillion. I saw you come in from the rain. The night is chill and wet. Let me warm you." - Sansa VI ASOS

You must be very cold. Let me warm you, Sansa. Take off those gloves, give me your hands." - Sansa VII ASOS

Yea no. Sansa has not had a good experience with people offering to warm her (unfreeze her? melt her?)

Looks like in TWOW there's going to be two people in desperate need of some warming.

It's pretty neat actually. Jon associates memories of warmth with two things primarily: Winterfell/the Starks, and Ygritte. Sansa is both a Stark, and a much (much) improved Ygritte.

Sansa's iciness-wall-armour is a form of protection that she employs against predatory men. The only person who can melt her frozen heart...is someone who is not predatory. Someone who cares for her. Jon.

It fits perfectly. They fit perfectly.

[kenmei]

-ˏˋ FOREVER N THEN SOME! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x kozume kenma

cw: pinch of angst (to fluff !!!), romance, slice of life, crying, established relationship!au, timeskip!au

synopsis: in which he’s actually more traditional than he leads on

wc: 2000+

notes from mei!

ive had this idea rattling around my skull for the longest time

sixteen and a handshake. a standard, normal handshake, but still awkward.

you remember how his hand perfectly fit with yours—how his palms were searing hot as they met with your much colder ones.

you remember him, as a second-year, as the setter for the team you cheered for from the stands. you remember his flushed cheeks when you kissed him on the cheek for a first time, watching as his brain malfunctioned as the rosy hues on his face spread to his neck and the tips of his ears.

you remember him, as the captain, worn out and exhausted at your doorstep.

you recall how he slumped onto you, making you somewhat drag him to your room. half because he really was that tired, and half for his own amusement.

you know him. you know him a bit too well and it’s both a blessing and curse.

because you wonder if he’s finally grown out of it—of this.

looking at the empty spot beside you, you think that, perhaps, he really has—the signs are staring right at you. lately, you’ve been sleeping in a cold bed, waking up to yet again another empty penthouse as you figure he’s at the office again.

(you hope he’s at the office, at least).

texts replies are always hours apart. it seems like he’s been doubling up on streams. friday’s that have always been reserved for two since forever, have only had one person attending these past few weeks.

this is sad, your chest clenches dejectedly at yet another morning where it’s only you. looking around, a part of you wishes that kenma’s actually here, that any second now, he’s going to emerge from his game room, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he scratches his tummy.

because even if you both don’t talk as much as you used to, it’s enough for you simply when he’s present. it’s enough for you when he mutters a good morning, waddling past you to go make his coffee before sitting on the couch.

it’s enough for you when he’s here.

the absolute bare minimum can make you the happiest, but you wonder if even that is too much.

twenty-four and you’re still overthinking.

“just talk to him!” your friends say, but truly it isn’t that easy. even if you’ve both promised to be better at communicating, something about this whole situation makes communication feel so much more difficult.

“you’ve been together for so long, you both still aren’t married?” if you’re being honest, it does bother you sometimes and you wonder if maybe, you should just get on one knee instead.

but you don’t. you don’t because you and kenma already both live(d) like you’re married. you both still share(d) that dynamic of being a laid-back couple who deals with problems as they come.

you don’t think about marriage with him because it already feels right. you don’t mind not getting married and honestly, you’re pretty sure kenma isn’t that kind of guy.

you’re startled by someone poking the side of your head.

your head turns to see kenma, brows slightly furrowed as he analyzes you.

you shake your head, sitting up straight on the couch. “’what’s u—wait, aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?”

kenma nods his head, plopping into the spot next to you. “ended early. chat was being rude today.”

your head bobs in understanding as you try to find words to piece together. he must be frustrated, you know a little bit about how difficult it can get as a streamer and you also know him, that if he doesn’t want to be near you or hear you, he simply wouldn’t be.

you smile slightly, “t—”

“why are you so tense?” he questions, leaning back. his eyes study you and you feel like hiding.

“’m not.” you defend, shrinking.

“you are.” he replies, “what’s wrong?”

you hum, grabbing a throw pillow and falling onto your side, opposite from him. “class was hard today. your paparazzi found me at the grocery store—”

“that happened last week.”

you groan, because fuck, you really can’t lie to him. he’s too good at getting you to open up, no matter how hard you resist it.

“it’s stupid.” you pout, covering your face with the pillow, already feeling your wound up emotions spiraling back up to the surface.

kenma’s hand lands on your legs, situating them over his lap. he pats the side your calves, humming. “talk to me.”

“what about you?” genuinely, you feel like right now isn’t the best time to talk about this. “you were just telling me about how your chat was being rude!”

“that can wait.” he replies, patient, like he’s always been. “something’s been bothering you, no?”

yes. you think. but i don’t wanna talk to you about it ‘cuz i’m scared.

“are you tired...” fuck, you think, because once again, he’s getting you to talk. “of—of me?”

he’s always been good at this. somehow always getting you to say whatever’s clogging up your mind. he reads you like an open book and you hate it, because even after all these years, it’s still scary.

it’s daunting, because he knows so much about you. if he wanted to, he could pick you apart all too easily, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make you break and that’s scary. it’s terrifying, even.

you feel his hand, as warm as they’ve always been, slide under the bottom of your loose pajama pants, warming up your ice cold skin.

and the feeling is weird, because you feel like you’re on fire, yet his hand is still so much warmer than you.

it’s comforting. you’ve both always been touch-starved and kenma knows this, he knows this as he traces small shapes on your calves, the hem of your pants riding up a bit.

“why would i be tired of you?” he mumbles, eyes moving to see your face is still very much covered with the pillow.

you shrug, leg twitching under his feathery touch. “you’ve been distant and stuff... i dunno.”

and it feels like he’s back at square one with you. kenma feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, cursing himself for being so caught up with work (and something else) that he’s been neglecting you.

you’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, only him and your close friends know this.

he notes that you tend to cry even when you both have the smallest fights, and it’s something he’s used to.

so to know that you’re holding everything in, it makes his chest tighten.

“i’m sorry, angel.” he says, quiet. “work’s been busy.”

yes, work is busy. even if he finds it enjoyable, it can get taxing sometimes. but he’s also been looking around for something, something that he needs perfect.

“‘s okay.” you mumble and he knows he’s fucking up even more. “i just miss you.”

he tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “c’mere.”

you shake your head and he ponders on what to do.

because even now, even though you’ve both been together for so long that existing with the other is literally needed, there are times when you both get stuck—where existing together feels more complex than it should ever be.

“please,” he pleads softly, “i miss you.”

and if you’re not gonna come to him, he’ll come to you.

so he leans down, forcing you to hold a bit of his weight as he lays atop you. he pulls the pillow away, wiping the few tears away with his thumb.

he kisses your cheek.

twenty-four, you let yourself cry because you’ve missed him so much. seeing other in the evenings or exchanging a few short words doesn’t do it for you anymore, it never will.

another kiss, but on the other cheek. i’m sorry.

another for your forehead, then one more on your nose. i love you.

your hands cling to him and he smiles, caressing your hair. his head lays in the juncture of your neck, frequently wiping your tears with his thumb.

he makes you sit up, only because he wants to hold you.

with your back to his chest, his warm hand envelopes yours. he doesn’t make you face him, because he knows that wouldn’t make you feel comfortable. 

it’s only when he hears your crying subside, that he holds your chin, making you look him in the eyes.

“are we okay?” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours you can feel his breath.

it still gets to you. he still gets to you like you’re both still teenagers; your heart thumps in your ears, body burning because fuck, he’s really close to kissing your lips.

you nod, “’m sorry. didn’t wanna talk to you ‘cuz i was scared.”

his lips slot against yours and it’s gentle, your mind becomes fuzzy with a warmth only kenma can provide you. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lips chasing his.

“don’t worry about that,” he says softly, “i might’ve accidentally made it harder to approach me.”

you shake your head. “thought it was just my overthinking.” you fiddle with your fingers, “i didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“next time,” he says, “make a big deal out of it. you gotta talk to me, angel.”

you whine, feeling embarrassed because you’ve gotten this lecture from him so many times.

kenma sighs against your skin, wondering if now is the right time. it feels like a good time, but he doesn’t want to waste a special moment because of a good feeling.

“what’s wrong, ken?” you ask, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

your eyes are red, you’re still sniffling every now and then.

he smiles, hand travelling to his pocket as he pulls out the ring, holding it in front of you. “this is why i was so busy. t—the box is in my gaming room, though, fuck—”

“is that—”

“w—wanna get married, y/n?” his whole face is red. you giggle at his shaking hand as you hold out your own (shaking) hand.

“yeah. i really wanna.”

and you’re crying again as he slips the ring on your finger. the diamonds sparkles at you and you can’t help but fawn over the ring as you sob.

“crybaby.” he mumbles, kissing your cheek. he nuzzles into your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your midsection. “i love you.”

and it’s here you realize that kenma is a lot more traditional than you thought. memories flood in of him always getting you to watch the first snow with him through his window, forcing you under the kotatsu with him as he shows you a new game he started playing.

eighteen. for your two year anniversary, he took you to a place with love locks. signing one off with you before throwing the key god knows where. and you remember thinking it’s weird, because the month before that, he was telling you stuff like that is kinda phony. 

nineteen. you recall him grumbling about getting into a yukata for the festival, but grumbling even more when you gave in and said you’d both attend in normal clothing, because he’s already halfway in the yukata, why would he change? (he just wanted to wear one with you).

twenty-two. his persistence to keep you awake to watch the sun rise on new years.

you realize kenma follows traditions more than you do and you chuckle.

giggling, you hold your hand out where the diamonds on your left ring finger shine happily, tilting your head to kiss him yet another time.

“i love you.”

change. you know your daily lives aren’t going to be much different, but you both like how your last name will be the same as his.

twenty-four. he proposes to you so casually that some might find it weird. but you both aren’t ones for big gestures. you know kenma loves you, it’s in the way he moves your hair out of your face as he asks you if he can still make it up to you.

and he knows you love him, when you laugh and tell him he already has—when you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the top of his hand, kenma knows and you know, too.

forever it is.

[elles-writing]

Dragon Heart - IV.

Taglist: @guardianofrivendell @anjhope1 @legolasoftherings @kumqu4t @grunid @elvish-sky @artsywaterlily @alexloveskili

If you want to be added to tag list, send me a message or comment please.

Warnings/triggers: -

She looked over at Bilbo, who was stirring, and decided it would be a good idea to prepare him a cup of warm tea with some honey and milk. Y/N remembered Bilbo loved this as a child.

So, her next steps took her to the hobbit's kitchen.

Before she stepped inside, Y/N noticed one - perhaps from the older ones - dwarf, who prepared a steaming cup of tea already.

The dwarf didn't seemed to trust her - of course - but his eyes little softened, because she knew Gandalf and Bilbo.

"What tea is that?" Y/N asked instead, genuiely interested.

"Charmomile, for Master Baggins." Y/N hummed and the dwarf quickly left the little hobbit kitchen. You looked around, more concentrated this time. Then, you looked over the hall, pantry, and living room, where was Bilbo, Gandalf and some of the dwarves.

Baggins', now Bilbo's house, has never been un-practical. Maybe for Y/N by it's size, but other than that, there was everything one would need for life.

When Bilbo catched her eyes, Y/N could clearly see he was uncomfortable, upset and absolutely, absolutely done with the subject.

The dwarves.

But most importantly...

Gandalf.

You shrugged, and decided to leave him his burglar-not-burglar game. Bilbo would not be patient forever, but he was mannered and clever enough to know what to do. You were sure the hobbit would feel his Took side with desire for an adventure again.

And take his chance to escape Sackville-Baginses.

As you walked around, you noticed some of the pictures. They seemed to be new - or at least you didn't remembered them.

You walked closer, and stepped on something. You looked down, and noticed it was a dagger. You've never seen the design before, but assumed it must be one of the dwarves'. You picked it up and studied it, when you overheard a voice next to you.

"Careful with this, it's been just sharpened." You turned to see a blonde, blue-eyed dwarf, with braided moustache. He seemed to have the same twinkle in his eyes as Kili.

"I can handle sharp things," Y/N said and looked back at the knife.

"It's nice. Not too light, but not as heavy either." Y/N was thinking aloud. She completely forgot the dwarf next to her, as she studied the dagger.

"You know Master Baggins," He suddenly said. Y/N turned to him.

What the-did he just-

"I do," You nodded, and placed the dagger to his hand.

What the-no, he just didn't-

"You don't look like you are related," he continued.

"That's because we aren't." You ended the topic. Instead, it was your time to ask.

"Who are you?"

"Fili, at your service m'lady," he gently took your hand and kissed the back of your hand, his eyes not leaving yours.

"Y/N, at yours...Fili," You said.

"Oh, Y/N, can I-can I talk to you, for a second?" Bilbo came and you gladly walked aside with him, while Fili send you a wink.

"Bilbo, to answer some of your questions - no, I didn't knew-"

"I'm not talking about the, the dwarves," Bilbo looked over the room with frown on his face.

"Then what is it, my little friend?" You said quietly in attempt to brighten up the situation. Bilbo was almost adorable with frowned pouty face, hands folded on his chest, patting the floor with his foot...only if you could stand straight in his house. Your back thought the size of his house was not adorable at all.

"Well, um...did Gandalf told you to bring them along?" You looked at him with scrunched face, and rolled your eyes.

"I wouldn't be coming if I knew there were dwarves involved. So, if anything, I share your unpopular opinion." And ruffled his hair. He jumped up.

"I'm not a little hobbit anymore, you don't have to do this," Bilbo said through gritted teeth, and you grinned.

"Well, you still are kind of little," You teased him futher, until a dwarf with sharp blue eyes, long, dark hair, and the biggest grumpy and pouty face you've ever seen (not even Bilbo could do that, when he was angy little hobbit).

That dwarf shot you a glare, and also to Bilbo, who was taken aside by him and Gandalf, again.

You felt sorry for Bilbo.

When he was free, you overheard him muttering something about 'surely not going', 'not going anywhere', 'wizards', and so on. You decided to go to sleep, because all of the dwarves were asleep already, and you needed to be up early.

You woken up quickly. The first thing you've heard was the snoring. You scrunched your face, and quickly packed your things. Then, you walked out of Bag End, and decided to wait for them there.

The sunrise was nice time, especially to prepare your horse for the day.

"Shh," you cooed her quietly. It was beautiful mare, tall, and very, very clever.

"It will be okay. We will find dad, and we will go away, to live far away...everything is going to be just fine," You muttered.

"You ready?" Kili stood next to you with a grin on his face. You jumped up a little.

"I am." You said, and noticed Kili's expression as he looked at your horse. You let out a laugh.

"You've never seen a horse before?" Kili walked back a little.

"Not really," he said and you noticed his blushed cheeks.

"Kili!" You both looked over to Fili, standing between two ponies, who called him.

-

"Do you think Bilbo will come?" Kili asked you.

"That hobbit won't show up," Balin said. He was on his pony next to Kili, so he thought he talked to him.

"It's no surprise. Why would Master Baggins leave his home," Thorin (as was the grumpy dwarf named) said.

"I wouldn't understimate hobbits, and especially not Master Baggins," Gandalf said as he smoked his pipe.

"I am sure he is going to come," He said.

And that's when the bet started.

-

It wasn't even five minutes after you left Shire, when you overheard Bilbo's voice in the distance.

"Waaait!"

You looked over to Gandalf, who was hiding a laugh.

"You planned this?" You quietly asked and motioned to the hobbit, who was breathing heavily.

"Well, perhaps," he said, and you scoffed a little and shook your head, as the dwarves seated Bilbo on his pony.

-

The day was beautiful. It was actually quite warm, just warm so you could put down your cloak.

As the evening was approaching, and the sun was setting into palette of gold and velvet, and the sky was getting darker, Thorin decided it was time to set up camp. After a quick argument with Gandalf, the wizard left to seek company of himself. So, there was nothing easier, than to just finding the best place to place your bedroll.

You, Fili and Kili were on first watch. You laid down on your bedroll, and watched the stars. It was cloudless night, plus the crackling sound of fire, and smell of fresh night air was relaxing.

Bilbo was just coming back from his pony, when a sound in distance made him freeze.

"W-what was that?" He pointed to the distance, while looking at Kili.

"Orcs," he said in low, deep voice. You sat up. Bilbo had a part of Took in himself, but he was not that much of a Took.

"There is going to be plenty of those," Fili said, and, obviously, Kili continued.

"They come at night, no screams, just lots of blood," He looked at Bilbo, and the shadows in his face, along with his deep and low voice made it come out horribly scary. Him and Fili started chuckling, but you sighed.

"The way you two snore would make them run for hills, so I wouldn't be that worried," You said, and noticed Bilbo to relax by the corner of your eye.

Kili looked over at you. You pulled out book from your pack. He quickly recognized it, even in the darkness of the night. It was that book you flipped through back in Bag End.

You sat comfortably down, and looked over the illustrations on the pages, and softly touched them.

"What is the book you are reading about, lassie?" Balin asked. You didn't looked up.

"It's a book with tales and stories my...father wrote down," you answered.

"He used to read them to me," you shrugged.

"Would you read some of them-ow, what was that for?!" Kili whisper-yelled at his brother, who chuckled.

"You're a child, Kee," He muttered to himself, and Kili pouted. But Fili was curious as well, which Kili didn't needed to know.

"Well...this one," You flipped a few pages futher.

"This one is called Strange thief and the stars," Y/N comfortably sat and started reading.

"There was once a man. He wasn't very known by name, but by his eyes. His eyes, deep and dark, with sparkles, reminding of stars. Nobody has ever seen eyes like this before, and people were whispering he has stars themselves in his eyes," You slid the tips of your fingers over the drawing, remembering the precision your father has made into repairing them.

"Many women tried to grab his attention, but anytime they didn't sucsceeded, the sparks in their eyes were less visible, but in his as well. And that is why men has decided to call him 'the thief of stars', or a 'strange thief of stars'. He was wandering through the lands, until he found what, as he realized, was looking for,"

"What happened next?" Bilbo asked.

"That girl didn't want to talk to him. She was very kind and caring, but not naive. One day, however, she found a dragon. Big dragon, who seemed scary, but saved her from orcs. The beast's eyes reminded her of someone, yet she didn't knew of whom." You realized everyone was quiet, listening to you, as you spoken.

"The next day, she met the man. He runned into her, in a rush, in a fear - and asked her "Did you see the dragon too?". The young maiden nodded, and helped him to get to safety, as he was very nervous and scared. Since that day, they became closer and closer. One day, when a few years passed, her father - an old, wise and kind man - said, his daughter will marry someone, who gives her something very special. The young man came the next day in their house they lived in. He said," you flipped the page.

" 'I do not have much to offer - gold, silver, or gems - but I do have this," he took out a notebook out of his coat, and offered it. The girl's father took the notebook, and opened it. It was full of drawings of flowers, animals and people - but mainly of one special maiden, when she was laughing, collecting flowers, brushing her hair, cooking, reading...When she came there, and looked throught the book, her father looked at her, and she nodded. So, he looked deeply into the young man's eyes, and said 'She chose you.' "

You finished the story, and Kili giggled at how interested his brother was.

"Now who's the child here,"

[wayward-mikaelson]

I Still Want You, I Still Need You-IV. The Snap

Word Count: 3816

About: A fight is brought to Wakanda leaving you and many others devastated.

Characters: Bucky, Steve, T’Challa, Shuri, Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey, Thor, Thanos, Vision, Wanda, Okoye, and Sam 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Language, Sexual Content (Unprotected-wrap it before you tap it kids and Implied rough sex), Playful Teasing, Fighting, Injuries, Death, Heartbreak

A/N: These last few days I have been having internet trouble but I am back up and running. Also, this ripped my heart as I wrote this so have a tissue or tissue box at hand. I also tried to keep a few of the big IW events in this part.

*This contains content made for 18 and up crowd. Read at your own disrection

**Please do not copy and paste my work anywhere. Reblogs and sharing the link are okay.

***This work is also posted on Wattpad and Archive of our Own. Links can be found in the pinned post on my profile

****Go follow my other accounts. Links can be found in the pinned post on my profile

*****Currently NOT taking request

******Feedback is Welcomed!! 

Forever Tags: @hobby27 @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @elansaidaris @magssteenkamp @440mxs-wife

Marvel Tags: Open

Story Tags: @cspr-2 @mysticalfestivalkoala @tanyaherondale @lilithknight1111 @lpzallana @snlsamantha @tomisagod @gloriouspersonbanditrascal @buckysgirl101

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III. Fresh Air (NSFW)

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The walk wasn’t long and the weather was perfect. It gave your time to think about what you were going to say to Bucky. Steve had called with his monthly check in, it had surprised you due to the hour he called. He knew the time here in Wakanda and he always enjoyed talking to the both of you. So when he called, you had wondered why.

You entered the clearing and got a good view of yours and Bucky’s home. The view of the tree covered mountain always put a smile on your face. No matter what kind of mood you were in. Movement from the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Bucky was playing with two kids from the Border Tribe. You knew these kids pretty well, their parents were hard workers. These boys must have gotten it from their parents because, they would help Bucky with just about anything. Bucky loved it and it made you fall in love all over again with him whenever you saw him with kids.

You continued to walk towards the house with that smile on your face. The days where you saw Bucky messing around and just being himself, God it made you want to give him a child right away. Even you wanted a kid, but in you one year of marriage, it was still you and Bucky. Then again, with how busy the two of you were, you guys never had that conversation.

“Ah, there she is,” Bucky sat up from the ground. “My beautiful and most gorgeous wife.” He stood up and made his way towards you. Soon, you were wrapped in his arm with your lips pressed to his. “I got a lot done today with the twins help,” He mumbled into your lips. “All there’s left is dinner and dessert.” Bucky’s hand slid down from to cup your right ass cheek making you squeal.

“Well,” you pulled back to stare into his blue eyes. The longer he stared at you the darker they got. “Why don’t we send the boys home with some food and we get to work on the rest of the evening.” You motioned the boys to follow you into the house. Soon, they were off with a basket of fruit, bread, cookies and soup.

“Thank you Mister and Missus Barnes!” They called over their shoulders as they walked away. Your cheeks tingled as they called your by Bucky’s last name. You still never got over that people called you Missus Barnes.

You and Bucky had a short ceremony a week after he proposed. Tony would have had a cow if he found out the you weren’t going to have a huge and ravishing wedding. You didn’t care, all that mattered was you and Bucky. Given the circumstances, the ceremony had to be small. T’Challa officiated the wedding, making legal in every binding way. Shuri and Okoye were the witnesses. You had worn a small, simple Wakandan gown while Bucky wore a button up shirt and pants.

While you watched the boys disappear over the hills, Bucky snaked his arm around your waist and pressed his lips to your neck. You closed your eyes, “Steve called earlier,” you said cutting off whatever Bucky was doing.

“Really? Why so early?” He had the same tone of confusion and wonder you had. Bucky had always loved talking with his friend.

You turned in his arm and stared up at him. “He wants us to meet him in Berlin tomorrow evening. He says he may have found a way to clear everyone’s names.”

Bucky took a step back. You immediately knew where his thoughts were going. “He want’s to run it by all off us and we have to let him know in the morning.” You closed the space between the two of you. You reached up to grab the collar of his shirt, “I did tell him that we made Wakanda our home so if his plan works we will be still be living here.”

Bucky smiled. “Good,” he slowly started to back you into the wall. “We can call him tomorrow and tell him we’ll be there. How we skip right to dessert?” Bucky’s chest gently pinned you to the wall and he trailed a slow kiss from the base of your neck to your lips and down again. It sent a shiver down your spine.

“Do you want kids?” You blurted out.

Bucky pulled away, the lust disappearing from his eyes. “Yes, why? Are you…?”

You shook your head. “No. I just see how well you are with the kids that pass by through here. You’re so great with them and I just know that if we have a few of our own, you’ll make the perfect father.”

Bucky cupped your chin with his hand. “Are you wanting to try? Starting tonight?” There was small smile forming on his lips.

A smile plays on the corner of your lips as well.

Moments later, You laying on your back while Bucky hovers over you. You reach between your naked bodies and take hold of Bucky’s hardened cock. A small and almost silent moan slips from Bucky’s mouth. You give his cock two slow pumps before lining him up with your aching entrance.

Bucky slowly pushed into you, causing your eye to close and roll back. “Open those gorgeous eyes, Doll,” Bucky stated to thrust in and out of you at a decent pace. You opened your eyes and see Bucky staring down at you. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

“You tell me everyday, love,” You lifted your hips up to meet Bucky half way. Each time the two of your met, a soft groan escaped your lips. “Do you know how lucky I am to have you?”

Bucky chuckled. “Only when we’re having sex.”

You playfully smack his chest. “I was being serious.”

“I know,” Bucky laughed and dipped down to press his lips to yours. While pushing himself further into you, causing you to moan into his mouth.

“You know what,” you pushed Bucky onto his back and straddled him. “Screw the slow and sensual crap. I’m going to make tonight feel like this is going to be the last time we ever do this.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “In that case, Doll, get on all fours.”

***

The next morning you and Bucky are doing some work, when Bucky purposefully bumped into you spilling some water from the bucket he was carrying. You turned to him to see him laughing as he continued to walk away. You shook your head as you thought up your move.

You walked over to where he stood next to the compost pile. As you walked by, you bumped his hips with yours, causing Bucky to lose his balance and fall into the compost. You covered your mouth to fight the laughter.

Bucky sat up in the pile and stared at you. You dropped your hand while the smile was still on your lips. “Next time you’ll think twice about splashing me with water.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Bucky lunged forward. You tried to move away but Bucky managed to his hand on you and pull you back into the compost with him. “Now, I think we’re even,” Bucky’s hand trailed down to your thigh and gave it a small, little squeeze.

“I love you,” you pressed your lips to his before standing up. “I have to go help Shuri and make that call to Steve.”

The moment you stood on your feet and turned around, you wished you hadn’t. There, entering the clearing and walking towards you and Bucky was T’Challa and some of his guards. It wasn’t the guards that followed the King of Wakanda that bothered you, it was the big, narrow case that accompanied them.

You knew that case all too well. If the case was being brought, you knew something was going to happen.

You looked back at your husband, all smiles and playful behavior no longer painted his face. The look of dread and sadness had taken it’s place. It was almost similar to the look he had before going back on ice. It ripped your heart out to see that look on his face.

“I’m sorry to break up such a fun moment,” T’Challa sounded like he was talking to someone of a higher power than him.

He gestured to the guards to bring the case up. You held your breath as they opened it. There sat the black and gold metal arm you helped Shuri design. You watched as Bucky slowly approached the case to get a better look at the arm. You could see that part of him is excited about the arm, for you had told him all about it and what it could do. The other part is that he knows that he will have to put it on. Both of you knew it.

Bucky Barnes may have been tired to fight, but he would fight to protect the world. And you, you were his entire world. The one thing keeping him going and not just flat out giving up. He would do just about anything, even if it meant dying, to make sure you lived to see another day.

“Where’s the fight?” he asked in a hollow voice.

T’Challa looked between the two of you. He hated this just as much as you did. “On it’s way.”

***

You stood looking through the window and watched as your husband got his arm on. It looked painful in your opinion, but Bucky’s face made no indication that it hurt him. He just stared at the ceiling until the procedure was finished.

There wasn’t much said about why you guys were needed. Just that Steve was on his way here and would fill you all in when he arrived. You knew it must have been urgent if Steve wouldn’t give the full story.

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice pulled your back from your thoughts. You turned around and immediately stared at the metal arm on your husband. Suddenly, you were having some very impure thoughts about it. Maybe you should have convinced Bucky to have the arm sooner. All you wanted was to feel those cool, metal fingers on your bare skin. Gripping every part of your body.

“Hi,” you breathed out. You had to shake your head to distract you from the dirty thoughts about that arm.

“How do I look?” Bucky held out both arms and did a small little spin.

You rose an eyebrow with a smile on your face, “Do you want the clean answer or dirty answer to that?” Bucky closed the space between the two of you. His metal hand gripped your hip and pulled your closer to him. He was on to your thoughts.

“That depends,” his voice was right against your ear. It sent instant shivers down your spine. Yep, he was one hundred on to you. “Do you want the clean answer or dirty answer to how you look? Cause this tight outfit you’re wearing is already doing something to me. Where has this been the whole time?” Bucky’s metal hand snaked to your ass and gave it a small squeeze before backing you to a wall.

“Packed away with that arm of yours,” You slowly wrap your arms around his waist.

Bucky nuzzled your neck, sending more shivers down your back. “How come? We could have had loads of fun with this.”

“The last time I wore this, I fell a good story out of a helicopter,” you answered.

Bucky pulled back and stared at you. “What?” his eyebrows furrowed. “How? What were you doing? How come I never heard about that?”

You dropped your arms, “Because it happened while you were still on ice and I was doing something on the side for T’Challa. Gathering information.”

“Were you hurt?”

You took a deep breath. “Yes and Shuri made some upgrades so if I were to fall a good distance, the suit would take most of the impact.” The look on your husbands face tugged at your heart. He looked hurt that he didn’t know about those few months where you went out and did small missions. “Look,” you took his face in your hands. “I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you and I’m sorry I never said anything about it. Let’s talk more about this later.”

Bucky pushed your back against the wall. “Only if you wear this,” he said before pressing his lips firmly to yours. His tongue slipped passed your lips and explored your mouth.

“And only if you keep that arm for a while,” you smile against his lips.

The sound of an air craft was heard, making both you and Bucky pull apart and look out the window. A smile formed on your face when you recognized the air craft. Spinning on your heel you raced out to the front, with Bucky following after you.

You waited impatiently for the Quinjet to land. When the loading hatch opened you watched as not only Steve walk out, but more of your friends. They approached T’Challa and you saw only one of them bow. Idiot, you thought. Then you realized who that idiot was.

“Oh my god, Bruce!” You whispered. You hadn’t seen since Sokovia and a lot of your had long sense thought he had died.

Then you locked eyes with Steve. You and Bucky approached him and he gave the both of you the biggest hug ever. It was two years worth of hugs.

“How are you guys doing?” He asked as he pulled away from Bucky.

“We’re good,” Bucky looked at you and smiled.

“What’s going on?” You asked.

Steve looked around him and then placed his hands on his hips. “Bruce, wanna tell them?”

You looked at Bruce, who walked slowly towards you. There as look on his face that instantly made you worried for some reason. “Someone called Thanos, he’s after what’s called the Infinity Stones. Vision was almost killed for the Mind Stone. We’re seeing if it can be taken off and destroyed without killing him before Thanos get’s it.”

“What does he want with them?” Bucky asked.

“He wants to wipe out half of the worlds population,” Bruce looked towards Bucky. “Who are you?”

“Bucky,” Bucky answered. “Barnes. I’m also Y/Ns husband.”

Bruce looked back at you. “You got married? Does Tony know? Wait speaking of Tony.”

Your heart skipped a beat when Bruce said Tony’s name like it was some sort of taboo thing. Bucky noticed the change in your posture. He took a step towards you and placed his hand in yours. “What about Tony?” Your voice was hard.

***

You stood in the lab as you processed what was said about your brother. You didn’t want to believe it but then again it was Tony. He did just about anything. You were so lost in thought you didn’t know what was being said about Vision or the stone on his head. You walked to the window and looked out into the distance.

“You doing okay?” Natasha was standing beside you.

“As good as I can be,” You looked over to her. She had cute and died her hair blonde. You weren’t going to lie, you liked it a lot. “I just hope he’s okay.”

“We all do,” Natasha rubbed your arm. “Does Tony know you married the man that killed your father?” You shook your head. “You know he might not take it well, when or if he finds out.”

“Tony will just have to suck it up, Bucky’s fixed now and isn’t who he was when he worked with HYDRA.” You were aware of the ear piece in your ear linking you to the rest of the team. Bucky had one too. You knew he heard all that was said and you knew what was going on through his head.

Howard and Maria Stark were the biggest contribution to his nightmares.

“Hey guys,” Sam’s voice rang in your ears. “Um, somethings trying to get in.”

“They won’t be able to,” Okoye said.

“Are you sure about that?” You watch as something hit the barrier that surrounds Wakanda. Then another one and soon you’re able to see the barrier itself.

You turned to see everyone staring out the window. Poor Vision was laying on the table looking helpless. Wanda was hovering over him and staying close to him. You could read her body language well. Wanda loved him.

T’Challa and Steve exchanged a few words and it appeared they agreed on something. “How much time do you need, Shuri?”

“As much as you can give me,” Shuri didn’t looked up from her spot. She was too engrossed with what she saw.

“Y/N,’ Steve was approaching you. “It’s best if you stay up here and protect Vision with Wanda.”

“I agree, Doll,” Bucky’s voice was in your ear. “Whatever’s coming sounds nasty and I want you as far from it as possible.”

“And if the fight comes towards me?”

“Then kick their asses and show them some hell,” Natasha smiled.

***

Hell is what you gave when three creatures broke into the lab. You were quick on your feet but not too quick. One had thrown you off a landing right next to Vision. You got up and did the only thing you thought of.

“Get out of here Vision!” You helped Vision off the table until something crashed into the two of you sending the two of you through the window.

You slid the slanted roof trying to find something to grab onto. You called out for help only to not get a response back. The edge of the roof was quickly approaching and your hand missed the edge by centimeters. You were then falling three stories down to the ground. Even though your suit could take the impact, you weren’t so sure about your head. Then something grabbed you midair before setting your down. You looked up and saw Rhodey flying away back towards the fight. You made a mental note to try and thank him later.

“Guys, we got ourselves a Vision situation,” Sam said.

“Somebody get to Vision,” Steve yelled.

“Already on it,” You replied. You started to weave in and out of the threes looking for Vision. From a distance you heard a clap of thunder and soon saw a flash of lighting and you knew who just entered the fight.

Something crashed into you and sent you flying to a nearby three. Your head smacked against the trunk. You cried out and landed face first into the ground. Whatever threw you, picked you up by gripping a chunk of your hair. They were disgusting looking and part of you felt like that moment was it. You were a goner. Then they dropped you as they fell to their knees.

“You alright, Doll,” Bucky helped you up and looked you over.

“I think so,” you were breathing hard. “Not my finest hour.”

Suddenly there was gust of wind. Something was changing and it raised goosebumps on every part of your body. You looked around to see a cloud of blue burst and a purple looking thing walked out. One hand was covered in a gold glove with gems on it. Thanos, you thought.

“That’s him,” you heard Bruce say.

Then everyone was racing towards him. Anyone who got close to him was thrown back. Bruce was thrown into boulder. Natasha was pinned under earth that rose from the ground. Bucky was thrown into a three. You and Steve were the only ones who got close.

You slid in between Thanos’s legs and jumped onto his shoulders. You pulled the knife from your thigh holster. Before you could stab the knife into him, Thanos pulled on your leg and then gripped your neck with one of his giant hands. With each second it was tightening and you barely able to breath. You clawed at the giant hand but failed. The look on his face has a faint smile. He was taking pleasure in killing you.

“No!” Bucky’s voice was heard from someone.

The grip on your neck loosened some, giving you some breathing air. Thanos looked towards the sound and back at you. He looked you over and then flung you into a tree. You landed on the ground, the wind being knocked out of you.

You rolled over onto you knees to watch what happened next.

It all happened in slow motion. Wanda was holding off Thanos while destroying the stone on Visions head. You saw the heartbroken look on her face. She didn’t want to do it but she knew she needed to. Vision had closed his eyes and you knew that he made peace with what was happening.

Then Vision and the stone were gone.

But that isn’t what surprised you.

Thanos did something on that glove of his hand. All the while, he spoke quietly to Wanda. Green surrounded that area and suddenly, Vision was back. Wanda realized what was going to happen, so she jumped up and was thrown back by Thanos. Then Thanos had Vision by the neck and ripped the stone right off his head.

Vision was gone again.

Everything started to change when you saw and axe fly passed your head. Thor was then attacking Thanos and digging his axe deep into his opponents chest when Thor stopped. His head turned when he saw Thanos raise his hand up and snap the fingers that were in the gloved hand.

Everything, everywhere was silent and it sent chills down your spine. Something happened and you knew that something was bad and going to leave you heart broken.

“What did you do?” Thor yelled but Thanos disappeared leaving the group to stare at one of another.

You walked up to Steve who was a few feet from you and helped him up. He walked over to Wanda who was next to Visions body. The look on her face was pure brokenness.

Little did you know…

“Y/N? Steve?”

You turned and froze. Bucky had been making his way towards you when he started to turn to dust. You quickly ran over to him and right when you got within grabbing range he fell to the ground. Dust at your feet.

“No,” you whispered as your knees gave out beneath you. Your hand ran through what was left of your husband. You felt your entire world grow cold. You felt pressure on your chest as you covered your mouth to suppress the sob that took over your body. The of you were happy and talking about having kids and now, not even twenty four hours later, you were left alone looking at the literal ashes of your husband.

You let out a scream you didn’t know your body or vocal cords were capable of.