#but ive been trying to get disability since last march
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man, it's really fucked up that the disability process is like. designed to wear you down to the bone and then some
#and its like. im extremely disabled. anyone who looks at a list of my disabilities would be able to go yeah this guy isnt fit for work#but ive been trying to get disability since last march#have to go in front of a judge in october#because i was denied and then my appeal was denied#and its just. exhausting because even if im approved to get disability#i dont hear about whether ive been approved or not until at least two or more months#and then its another several months before they actually pay me#so i just. sit here. with no income . because the govt would rather i die than pay me and let me live even a marginally enjoyable life#personal#.txt
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#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
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so when i first started working at dg i knew they were anti union, as most corporations are, but its whatever bcuz im working for fun. i know my rights and i know my closest allies will always be my coworkers (note for later)
then i watch the cbls and actually cackle at what they're saying. most of the "we want a personal relationship" crap is whatever, thats pr so i brushed by it and was mostly listening to how they they lied and their fearmongering tactics ("[. . .] they forced me to strike and march the picketline, how is that looking out for my best interest?"). it was genuinely funny to me and like many ppl told me that if union organizers come by i should absolutely join or sign or whatever.
but generally i considered my store manager seperate from big ppl in the company bcuz of how friendly she is. i knew she still wasnt like. 100% trustworthy so i refuse to explicitly disclose that im disabled or if i do then only vaguely. ive only had little problems not worth bringing up to me, and genuinely want to help out as much as i can to keep the store open since were a bit short staffed. the paycheck is definitely a plus but i wanted a job to consistently get out of the house and beat back seasonal depression with a stick.
but i realized today i may have been a bit too accomodating. i rushed to work after a therapist appt, i covered for the manager, and i even came in early this week and had a 9hr shift, this is my first job and im having fun even if its a lil taxing on me. im not giving more than im getting (yet) but im def giving more than im used to.
i made plans for tomorrow knowing ive had a day off for several days, and i know that she changes the schedule around but id only noticed her changing what hours ppl come in. so i genuinely didnt expect my day off to disappear, esp when i covered for her last week and didnt have my sat/wed off for 23 and 27 since the store is closed right in the middle for christmas day.
it was fine at first, i was upset id miss my plans (it would go on without me) but while getting ready for work i progressively got more upset until i was ready and ate some food, felt better, got to work, had my two alone hours rushing thru the line and trying to work totes as much as i could where i again just got progressively more upset. but at that point i was kinda resigned to it. id begrudgingly accepted it, i know i have to get used to that kind of thing bcuz i cant always take off for events and event cant always be planned around my schedule. besides i had been having a lovely day aside from that so it was almost okay.
my coworker showed up and i vented to her a bit and she straight up told me she shouldnt do that and that if she were me shed tell her she couldnt show. it kinda went on like that with her gassing me up, so i just texted her and let her know i would not be able to work bcuz i had plans i made before the schedule change that i didnt tell her about bcuz it was on my day off so it shouldnt have been a problem.
she said she also had plans, i repeated myself that i wouldnt be able to work and she repeated herself and said i should contact the district manager and that she was on vacation and turning her phone off for the next two days. at this point i was on break and i did genuinely start crying, i said im not giving more than im getting but im still an autistic with chronic pain, severe depression, severe anxiety, and chronic fatigue syndrome. doing things like learning how to take a truck over the phone, learning how to sell propane over the phone, working our busiest hours (3-6) by myself, and general customer service bullshit is like. like mentally im better than i could be but goddamn this store is a nightmare.
i got the district managers number from my coworker and messaged her, and my coworker let the assistant manger know what was going on.
the store is closing early tomorrow unless someone steps in bcuz we cant close alone. my coworker has no problem getting an early start to her vacation (that has been planned since before i even started working!!!!!) and i am going to have a lovely time tomorrow.
you forget how ppl help you realize when you're being mistreated until ppl step in and have your back. we had someone transfer out of the store bcuz of this exact same scheduling bs, and our assistant manager was about to quit over this store manager.
but shes been demoted (seperate thing) and is transferring so were all staying right where we are :)
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10 people you want to know better (tagged ppl are under no obligation to do this <3!!)
thank you jude @pansyfem for tagging me! this looks like fun :3
relationship status: single, but heavily lushing/meshing (the sensual/alterous equivalents of crushing respectively) on this guy in my class at uni rn. and i really. Really want him to be my boyfriend holy fucking shit he's so cute. anyways. i also have a milder squish on a girl who's also in my class. i have two exes but i am aromantic and since they were romantic relationships which needed reciprocation they didn't work out. i am still friends with one of my exes (who's also arospec) tho so it's all good!! :•D
favourite colours: my top 5 fave colours are
green
purple
pink
yellow
blue
in that order :)
favourite foods: ough pasta. any kind of pasta really but i am especially partial to lasagne. i also love cheese and pizza. oh and how could i forget!!! millionaire's shortbread!!
song stuck in my head: TOXIC BY BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!!!!! although before this it was the borgia family horrible histories song :)
last thing you googled: i use firefox bc im swag so technically i duckduckgo'ed this Anyways. i searched for the tv show "you" bc i saw a gifset from that show featuring a lady i am incredibly bi for and i was like 👀 will i have to watch this now
time: 9.32PM (im gonna write the time of posting this bc i wrote this in my notes app)
dream trip: spain or scotland!! spain bc im learning spanish and scotland bc it's just such a lovely country <3
last thing you read: "the children" by lucy kirkwood! it's a play im reading for my course :)
last book you enjoyed reading: ugh i haven't had the capacity to actually sit down and read a physical book for... too long it's been ages. it's mostly to do with my disabilities and time :( i started reading good omens on my phone but i didn't finish it (i like it so much better than the show lmao). but the actual physical book i read last was "death sets sail" by robin stevens, the final book in her "murder most unladylike" series. ough. ive been with that book series from literally the very beginning. id highly recommend 👍
favourite thing to cook/bake: sadly i don't do enough cooking or baking to know but what i have made is fudge which was quite fun! ive also made a delicious cheesy pasta bake hehe
favourite craft to do in your free time: again. i haven't had the capacity or time to actually make any art since like... march, so, 7 months. yeesh. i miss making digital art. id like to pick it up again but idk when that'll be. id also like to try and get a badge maker bc i have loads of ideas but ugh time is a problem. im just so busy at uni.
most niche dislike: im sure there's Something since im autistic and autism is the Strong Opinions Disorder but nothing's coming to me atm [shrugs]
opinion on circuses: ive only been to one in my life and i really enjoyed it apart from the clowns who i found scary but i was like 8 i think. im less scared of clowns now. also the general aesthetics of them fuck severely
do you have any sense of direction: hardly lol! i have a great photographic memory so even going a certain route once with someone who knows the way i can remember it HOWEVER i am utter shit at finding my way with a map on my own. google maps is always open when im trying to find a place and even then i frequently go in the wrong direction or miss a turning. i just cannot translate distance on a digital map to irl distance. don't even get me started on using a traditional map bc g-d above. id end up more lost than i was before. im excellent at just confusing the hell out of myself <3
tagging: @sillyspooky @skylightz @bromantically @transgenderpolyhedrals @folderone @gir-posting @nvr-pass-spookier-version @heartslobbf @taikacohen @laymedowninsheetsoflinen (plus anyone who sees this and wants to do it just say i tagged you ^_^). again no obligation to do this !! :)
#apple rambles#tag game#rbs turned off i don't this turning into a massive rb chain soz#have fun ppl!
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dreamwidth update: isolation
(content warnings: i just talk about the shit that's going on rn cause i gotta, but if any of it is triggering for you, be careful or scroll past)
so, as it turns out - as anyone could have predicted - i'm behind AF on nano.
look, a lot of it is that the first week of november got tied up in the hellhole that was america's election. fuck. i had done a lot of research and i knew what to expect and i STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. that entire week was draining as fuck and even the relief of them finally calling it for biden was destructive and devastating in its own way. (i cried. i dont ever cry. i fucking bawled.)
and some of it is another lesson in preparation. i have a great outline for this novel! i know all the plot beats for all three plotlines! but i didn't practice getting into either character's voice, so while im still writing, it's very third-person-onmicient type, very distant, rather than the third-person-intimate that im going for.
and ive become STUPIDLY hung up on that! LIKE, ITS STOPPING ME FROM WRITING. i realize i just need to forge ahead and i'll find their voices eventually, but like, brain matter no go. head empty no thots.
SURPRISINGLY, though, if i count all words i've written (including nano, patreon, work words, fanfic, etc) i am on pace to hit the 50K. guess what I might be doing, rather than focusing entirely on the nano words. fml. etc.
my two oldest nieces are coming this weekend for their birthday celebration. when they were young i decided that instead of birthday gifts, what each girl got was a weekend alone, just with me, where we would do super fun things and they get to have all of the focused attention from their aunt and uncle. it's worked great, but this year, because of the rona, their schedules are all fucked up (you would not BELIEVE what my bro and SIL have had to work out to manage both of their jobs with 3 children under the age of 7 at home; it's crazy), and we wanted to limit the travel as well. so both girls are coming together to stay with me, to celebrate together. i'm very excited, but wow, that's also been a whirlwind.
i had to clean the entire house. the thing is, when you've been in house since march, and you're already disabled, and you're depressed, and you're tired, and you have 5 cats, the house can quickly get to a pint where you really give no more fucks about it. hugely. bigly. i had to summon my mum, Crown, and murder husband to help me out with it, but now the house is gorgeously clean and i am happy. doing all the work at once was kind of a sledgehammer to the face tho, RIP me, but i did it.
fought with Crown over a bunch of stuff too. it's resolved and we are in a better place after having it out, but that also hit me like a fucking pickup truck, thanks.
also didnt help nano.
isolation is weird. i dont mind being alone - i love being stuck in my house alone, that's like, my dream world - but i feel like i've hunkered down here in other ways as well. friends i used to talk to daily, i check in like once a week. a BIG part of that is, well, having nothing to really say. my new contract remains in covid limbo, my other work continues, and my desire to write a novel to sell is just aksjdlkasdjggs, so like, ??? why bother to talk, there's no news here, etc.
im also just not very good at staying in touch because of (reasons) and the situation is compounding that and really doubling down on it. how can i reach out to people when im spending most of my mental energy not going completely batshit??? "hey demons. it's me. your boy."
i mean i also feel like other friends are pulling back as well, probably because none of us really have anything new to say. it's just an interesting side effect of isolation, i guess?
plus it's the jazz hands depressssiioooonnnnn ~! for all of us!
i really just exist on discord these days. honestly.
ANYWAY.
i haven't yet given up on the novel, nor have i given up on trying to grow my kofi and patreon to help me out in these terrible times. (crankyoldman, thanks so much for the Kofi! that covers this month's entire Chewy order! <3 <3 aaaaaaa ILU and i miss you guys!!) it's just such a bizarre fucking time to be a conscious thinking creature and that's weird, i guess.
went to target and bought a bunch of men's shirts for the winter. sorry but for what i want men's clothes are vastly superior. you can't get a women's t-shirt that's long enough to go over hips or really be tucked in unless you find a "tunic length" and they're like $25. i got 3 mens tees for $18. i also now have a giant hoodie with thumbholes. bless.
plus big ass sports bras. i just want my tits to be comfortable. dont always bra them, but like when im cleaning they gotta be held. gently. softly cupped in place so that they don't get tossed around too much. i dont know where im going with this.
i just want to be comfortable here in my private cave.
the stasis of isolation. such an odd year it's been this last month.
Ko-fi for the cats || Patreon for CYOA and the novel || Sev's Pub, my creative works discord || carrd for the rest
comments Comment? https://ift.tt/3ngoxji
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it’s the 4th anniversary of the premier of vld which of course means i have assembled a rough timeline for my descent into voltron special interest hell. it goes something like this:
- june 10 2016: vld season 1 premiers. i am none the wiser
- january 20 2017: season 2 comes out. this fact is irrelevant to me
- august 4 2017: season 3 happens. still not entirely sure what a “voltron” even is
- mid-august 2017: one of my friends cosplays keith. that’s cool. who’s keith?
- october 17 2017: season 4 arrives. that’s fine i guess
- march 2 2018: season 5 has entered the building. i am vaguely aware that i have known people who watched it at some point. the fandom is apparently “terrifying” but i survived homestuck, so i scoff at the concept and go on with my life
- june 15 2018: season 6 drops. i see a bunch of cool gifs and pretty fanart. coupled with the hype i have absorbed from the lead up to it, i wonder if i should give the show a watch
- june 16 2018: i start watching vld. two (four) episodes in and i love it. i can already tell i’m a hunk kinnie, and this brings me no end of joy
- june 28 2018: within two weeks, i have caught up entirely. i am thriving in the post-s6 hype
- july 20 2018: at sdcc, the Big Reveal happens. shiro is gay. he is a disabled main character of of colour in a wildly popular show for kids, and he is kind and brave and the pinnacle of masculinity, and he is gay. no matter your shipping opinions, this is incredible news and it’s hard to Not ride the high, so why bother trying? they show a trailer and announce the release date for season 7, and within hours a bunch of booted recordings of s7e1 are floating around online
- july 23 2018: my interest level has gotten to the point where i need to make a separate twitter for it, so i do. (fun fact: as of today, less than 2 years later, said twitter has over 7300 posts on it. my main, 4x that old, has ~30k)
- august 10 2018: season 7 is online at 1am my time. im selling at an artist alley all weekend, starting the following morning. i binge half the season anyway before passing out, and completely avoid the internet until i can watch the rest later that day
- october 5 2018: at nycc, the trailer for s8 and release date are revealed. i immediately book the announced day off work because i know i will want to watch the entire thing at once the second it’s out
- mid-october 2018: “leaks” of s8 start appearing online. pretty much no one in the fandom believes them, because no one Likes them. they seem ridiculous. people start making “leakverse” fanworks to feed some of the finale anticipation into, including me. no one really thinks they’re plausible at all
- december 14 2018: season 8 airs. i post a quick but heartfelt fanart before gearing up for 1am. it starts, and i cry. the first time they form voltron, i cry some more. things keep happening, and i keep getting tears on my screen, and i have to pause and start it over and over, but i live tweet the whole thing anyway. the leaks were... real. i come out of it unsure how i feel, exactly, but i am exhausted from the marathon and so immediately pass out
- the same day, after some sleep: im upset and confused as to why the finale season was so hollow. i see im not alone. it’s a rough week, feeling like something i love so deeply let me down so much. i realize it’s only been 6 months since i got into it - but, clinging to a deep sense of betrayal, i cry some more anyway
- the immediate aftermath: there are petitions and accusations of censorship and conspiracies about where the “real” s8 is. it’s hard not to get caught up in, or at least dragged down by, the lack of hype. no one who worked on the show says anything for days, weeks, months. fix it fanwork starts cropping up, and i surround myself in them. none of the excitement from before is there, not the same way it was. i start a new and highly ambitious piece of art out of spite. it’s left unfinished
- january 2 2019: lion forge releases the third volume of vld comics. no one really cares. i certainly don’t
- the intermediate aftermath: it becomes clearer by the day that the season was, simply put, a failure and a flop. no one liked it. kids cried over it and parents had no idea how to explain it to them. the fandom and community dim for a while, but i keep immersing myself in the trove of fanwork that already existed, and i start trying again to make some of my own
- may 29 2019: lion forge comics announces that they are not renewing their license to make more vld comics. that, coupled with the abysmally rated final season, seems to be the nail in the coffin for this iteration of the ip. there won’t be anything else official for vld. somehow, this sparks a renewed interest in me. despite everything, im more dedicated than ever before to preserve and proliferate my good experiences. i know this won’t be a blip in my history as a fan, so i’m determined to be happy with it, as best i can be
- the rest: is, as they say, history. as of now, i have something like 20 fanworks of my own in progress for vld. my ao3 bookmarks number in the 100s, and my to-read list is at over 250. ive made a concerted effort to be more active and engaged in the fandom, because it came so close to fizzling out, for me and maybe for everyone, but it’s brought me so much goodness that i cant and Won’t let that happen, not without a fight
it’s been just under 2 years since i decided to watch voltron on a whim. and it has honestly become a central part of my interests and identity in that time - but for the majority of it, it’s been because of fandom and fanworks, and that’s maybe what made it stick so well to begin with: the creative, varied, amazing parts of it that no network mandate could have offered on its own
this started as a way to catalog my journey into and through vld but honestly it kind of became a love letter to the fandom (at least, my corner of it). that’s what’s made these last years so special - what’s made them simultaneously fly by and feel like a solid constant. a dedicated, talented fan base who are capable of so much more than the constraints of the source material
it’s amazing to look back on, and incredible to keep looking forward to. we’ve all been told - “go, be great”
we have been, and continue to be. like the stars, and like my love for vld, it’s inevitable
so thank you all for the years of “great”. 🖤
#this got so far away from me im so sorry#but i really wanted to write it out so! there you have it#voltron#vld#long post
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Everything Is Gonna Be Fine - File 002
Date: 14/4/215
Outgoing message: Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Is there anyone in the wasteland listening to me? Fuck, this is hopeless... We don’t even know if people are alive out there, we’ve never left the region because of the horror stories we’ve heard. CeeCee are you sure? ...Yeah, right. Ahem! I’m Nate, I’m from the Eastern OQ region, and for the last ten years I’ve been fighting in, well to put it lightly, a pretty nasty civil war. The group I was with has been mostly killed or captured and our leader is missing, presumed dead. Please, if someone is out there and can hear this, we need supplies. Wait what’s- Shit! CeeCee get down they found-
___________________________
Date: 8/10/214
Location: Rebel Base, Toronto, Ontario-Quebec Region
Nate woke up alone. No surprises there, Kenji tended to get up early and even when he didn’t he liked to get ready as soon as possible. Still, it would be nice to maybe, sometimes, cuddle in the morning? Or have breakfast together? Or take a shower with each other? Anything, really, would have been fine. He just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend, sue him.
He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He swung his legs off the mattress and yawned, completely missing the note left on his pillow.
___________________________
Date: 12/10/214
Location: Ashworth estate, Toronto, Ontario-Quebec Region
“You still not talking to him?” Zander asked, sipping his tea. Nate scoffed.
“Don’t see why I should.” he retorted bitterly. His friend sighed.
“Look man, I’ve known Kenji my whole life. Now maybe I’m not in a position to talk since we never slept together, but I’m pretty confident that you won’t get anywhere with him unless you just sit down and talk. The guy has the emotional maturity of a gothy 12 year old, avoiding him is just gonna fuel his teenage angst.” Nate scowled and leaned back in his chair.
“You’re right, you aren’t in a position to talk.” he snapped. “If he has the maturity of a 12 year old, fine. But I want to be with a grown man.”
Zander nodded in understanding.
“I get it. I really do. I just...” He sighed and rubbed his face. “You’re both my friends. I want you both to be happy, and since you two stopped talking I haven’t seen or heard from Ken and you’ve been miserable. Just call him, please?” Nate stood up, heading towards the door.
“I’m not going to talk to him unless he shows me he’s worth it.”
___________________________
Date: 10/6/215
Location: Prison Complex, Ottowa, Ontario-Quebec Region
Kenji had been missing for months. It was currently June, and the last time he had been seen, the raid, was at the beginning of April. Everyone assumed he had either been killed or captured in the raid, but now with the knowledge that he had been reading the final broadcast everything was thrown into question. Maybe he had been captured and forced to read it with a gun to his head, but it was practically impossible. That would have meant that the soldiers had invaded the base, gotten Kenji and driven back to the tv studio in under ten minutes. The only logical option was also the most unpleasant one; Kenji was the mole. He was the one who ratted out the rebels to the army, left the base wide open, and sat back comfortably while the elite soldiers raided the base and killed all the people who considered him a friend. Just the thought made Nate want to vomit.
___________________________
Date: 13/6/215
Location: Prison Complex, Ottowa, Ontario-Quebec Region
Nate was marched slowly down the hallway, a gun pressed into his back. He wasn’t handcuffed this time, but that was only because his prosthetic arm wasn’t on and Carson Pryce’s men didn’t believe he could put up a fight with only one arm. As infuriating as it was to admit, they were right, he was useless without his arm. Life, being disabled was annoying.
“Heard you had a date with the Empress.” the guard behind him said casually as he pushed his prisoner along. He had a helmet over his face and so his voice was slightly muffled. Nate blinked.
“Are you... Making small talk with me?” The guard laughed.
“I’m bored. If I wanted to, I could shoot you and have just as much fun. But small talk is less likely to get me fired.”
Nate swallowed hard. He hated being at the mercy of these people.
“Yeah, I saw her.” he replied, trying to sound calm.
“She’s somethin’ else, ain’t she?” the guard asked with a laugh.
“Sure.” he mumbled. He didn’t want to be “chatting” with someone who found the same amount of entertainment in murdering another human being as gossiping about his boss.
To Nate’s surprise, the guard wasn’t taking him to the interrogation room. He was taking him to the prison infirmary. Lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors and IVs, was a very beat up looking Zander. His eyes slowly flickered open when he heard footsteps. He smiled weakly at Nate.
“Hey...” he coughed. “Been a while.”
“Hey.” Zander grinned and turned his head slightly.
“I know, I look like shit.” he chuckled. Nate was stunned for a moment before he smiled back.
“It’s expected, a bomb went off in your face.” Zander laughed, his laughter turning into coughing.
“Technically the bomb went off on my ass.” He motioned for the guard to let Nate come in. The guard nodded and stood sentry at the door, allowing Nate to sit down on the edge of Zander’s bed beside him.
“Hopefully your ass is gonna be alright. I’d hate for CeeCee to live in a world without it.” he teased. Zander furrowed his brow.
“How is she? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine.” Nate assured him. He closed his eyes in relief.
“Thank fuck... I haven’t seen her at all. They told me she was here the other day, but they... They knocked me out so I couldn’t talk to her.” Nate reached out with his one arm and squeezed his friend’s hand to console him.
“She’s okay, I promise. You know her, Zander, she’s tougher than all of us put together. She can handle it.” He paused. “But... She’s worried about you. She can handle it, but she’d handle it better if you were around.” He didn’t know if that’s what his friend wanted to hear, but he knew he would at least appreciate the honesty. Zander smiled weakly.
“Tell her I’ll be alright.” Nate nodded.
“Of course.”
He felt a question nagging in the back of his head that he couldn’t ignore.
“Hey. You look like you’ve got something else on your mind.” Zander snapped him out of his thoughts. He knew him too well, didn’t he?
“Yeah...” he mumbled. He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Do you... Do you know where Kenji was during the raid?” he asked anxiously, the feeling of emptiness that had been filling him these last few days coming back. Zander closed his eyes and sighed sadly. “You do, don’t you?”
“Not really. The night before, he told me that he had made some kind of deal and that a lot of people might die, but didn’t specify. He refused to tell me what he’d done, and when I started yelling at him he just stormed out.” Zander responded, quietly. His eyes looked distant and regretful.
Nate looked over his shoulder at the guard. He didn’t want to be heard.
“He was the one reading the last broadcast.” he whispered. Zander looked shocked for a few moments before looking away.
“I never thought he’d sink that low...” he whispered. Nate looked down.
“Neither did I. But... He did.” He sighed, feeling defeated. “I wish I had some great insight but... Fuck. I still can’t wrap my head around it.”
The two men said nothing for a minute or two. Nate ran his hand through his hair.
“Why are they letting me see you?” he wondered. Zander shrugged.
“Probably so I could have the honor of hearing this news from someone I trusted.”
“Or because we want the two of you in the same place.” the guard chimed in. Nate turned around.
“You gonna fill the room with toxic gas?” he snapped. The guard laughed, coming into the room and shutting the door behind him.
“Damn, Nate. I know it’s been a few months since I saw you last but were you always this bitchy?” He pulled off his helmet, and there, standing in front of him was a very familiar face. Nate could have sworn he was dreaming.
“Lewis?”
___________________________
tag list: @thereasontherumisgone @germanmetal
#everything is gonna be fine#original story#original content#dystopia#dystopian ocs#dystopian world#dystopian#canada#mike shinoda fine#rebellion
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off the rack #1298
Monday, January 27, 2020
It's the Year of the Rat man. I hope it's a happy one for you and yours. I had the pleasure of spending time with the newest member of the Jee Gang toting baby Ashton around while he took in the happy chaos at our Chinese New Year gathering yesterday. His wonder at the world makes it a happier place.
Conan Serpent War #4 - Jim Zub (writer) Ig Guara & Vanesa R. Del Rey (art) Frank D'Armata & Jean-Francois Beaulieu (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This bizarre adventure teaming up Conan, Solomon Kane, Agnes and Moon Knight concludes with the demon Wyrm chopped up into fish food. This story won't matter to anyone other than fans of those four heroes but it sure was fun to read.
Batman #87 - James Tynion IV (writer) Guillem March (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I'm happy Catwoman and Cheshire are in this story. I love how Guillem March draws women. There are a lot of players in Gotham City right now so please pay attention as the mystery unfolds.
Once & Future #6 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Dan Mora (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). That's two fantasy stories that ends with the death of a serpent. Must be a common theme this week. One of the bad guys gets away and the story of Duncan and his Granny will continue. I don't know if I'll read the next arc since this one didn't conclude very well. I felt that Zombie King Arthur was defeated too easily.
Detective Comics #1019 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Scott Godlewski (art) David Baron (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). And so the winter solstice passes and the mystery of the Nordic cult ends. I'm glad this story about a creature from the nether regions was short.
Atlantis Attacks #1 - Greg Pak (writer) Ario Anindito (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). I picked this off the rack to read because I wanted to see what Namor was up to these days. He's back being the angry ruler of Atlantis pissed off at the air breathers. This time he's mad at all of the Agents of Atlas. That Jimmy Woo sure hangs out with the weirdest heroes of the Marvel U. If you're a fan of all those Agents you'll want to add this 5-issue mini to your subscriptions.
Year of the Villain: Hell Arisen #2 - James Tynion IV (writer) Steve Epting & Javier Fernandez (art) Nick Filardi (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). Cool. It looks like Lex Luthor is going to be the one to save the world this time. I like who he's asking for help. I'll give you a hint: har.
The Amazing Spider-Man #38 - Nick Spencer (writer) Iban Coello (art) Brian Reber (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Here's the latest twist to the life of Peter Parker: J. Jonah Jameson is helping Spider-Man now instead of vilifying the hero. Jonah is also working for a new media firm and the old fogey does not like what he sees. We're back to the Chameleon storyline where Peter and his spy sister Theresa are trying to get back all the S.H.I.E.L.D. tech that was stolen. All the dangling plot threads are starting to get annoying.
Superman #19 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Ivan Reis (pencils) Joe Prado, Danny Miki, Julio Ferreira & Oclair Albert (inks) Alex Sinclair (colours) AndWorld Design (letters). I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop after Superman's big secret identity reveal. All of his Earthly super villains haven't taken advantage of the news so let's head out into space shall we? This is where Mongul attacks the new United Planets. The Superman versus Mongul fights have been epic and this new one won't disappoint.
Fantastic Four #18 - Dan Slott (writer) Paco Medina, Francesco Manna & Carlos Magno (art) Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Now I get the point of this "Point of Origin" story. When Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben launched all those years ago, the Overseer of the planet Spyre saw a threat to his perfect planet and shot cosmic rays at the ship to kill the FF. We know how that went off the rails. So now we have the Fantastic Four returning to Spyre and basically screwing up the whole planet like the Overseer foresaw. Hey, you don't mess with Destiny. I wonder why Reed is so pissed off in the next issue teaser.
Batman Superman #6 - Joshua Williamson (writer) David Marquez (art) Alejandro Sanchez (colours) John J. Hill (letters). Well that was a whole lot of yakkity-yak. This issue takes place before Year of the Villain: Hell Arisen #1. Batman and Superman find Wonder Woman to tell her the bad news that Donna Troy has been infected by the Batman Who Laughs. Then they continue to try and find a cure for the infected. The issue ends with a surprise appearance of two super villains making the next issue a "must read" for me.
Marauders #6 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Matteo Lolli & Mario Del Pennino (art) Erick Arciniega & Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Kitty (call her Kate) saves the day but is sunk in the end. I've been ambivalent about reading this title of political intrigue and this issue made up my mind to bench this book. The subject matter is mature but the dialogue is juvenile so I'm outta here.
Kill Lock #2 - Livio Ramondelli (story & art) Tom B. Long (letters). The search for the key to disable the Kill Lock continues. I care about the plight of these four condemned droids.
The Old Guard: Force Multiplied #2 - Greg Rucka (writer) Leandro Fernandez (art) Daniela Miwa (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). The team goes to rescue victims of human traffickers and get a surprise when they open the container. This book will blow you away.
Guardians of the Galaxy #1 - Al Ewing (writer) Juann Cabal (art) Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Call him Racoon, Rocket Racoon. Rocket's gone from looking like road kill in the last story arc to quite the fashion plate in this new run. And his guns have gotten a lot smaller. The team is recovering from the Universal Church of Truth massacre but their respite is short lived. Zeus and his Greek gods have returned and they're all evil now. You can tell because they're dressed in black. Nova asks the Guardians for help but only Starlord, Rocket, Moondragon and Phyla-Vell/Captain Marvel join the fray. I like that Marvel Boy is back and when the mission goes FUBAR, a surprise ally makes an appearance. The art alone makes this worth picking up off the rack.
Basketful of Heads #4 - Joe Hill (writer) Leomacs (art) Dave Stewart (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). Poor June, she keeps meeting up with bad men. You can't blame a girl for defending herself. Now there are two heads in the basket. Basket head number three just introduced himself. This is just too weirdly fun.
Ruins of Ravencroft: Dracula #1 - Frank Tieri (writer) Angel Unzueta (modern day art) Stefano Landini (flashback art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). This is the last of the one-shots leading into the 5-issue Ravencroft mini. It's going to have lots of Marvel heroes and villains if this issue is any indication. In the first few pages alone we have Man Wolf, Misty Knight, Mr. Fantastic, the Falcon, Power Man and Iron fist and the Winter Soldier who introduces the flashback where Captain America fights with Dracula. When we return to the present, new inmates are being incarcerated into the Ravencroft Institute for the Criminal Insane. I could only identify Mr. Hyde but I didn't recognise the others. The consultant hired to work with these inmates was a surprise and may entice you to pick up Ravencroft #1 when it hits the racks on January 29. Imagine if the Joker were hired to work at Arkham Asylum.
Wonder Woman #750 - I read all 9 stories in this $9.99 US anniversary issue to see where Princess Diana was at right now. Nothing much has changed since I stopped reading her book regularly so I won't be picking up #751. I've read other comic books aimed at young female readers, the Unstoppable Wasp is a good example, but this one doesn't spark a renewed interest in me to follow Wonder Woman's adventures.
Birds of Prey 100-Page Giant #1 - Now this is more like it. There are 3 new stories and 3 reprints that I've not read before so it's a great value at $4.99 US. The core team of Batgirl, Black Canary and Huntress are joined by Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Catwoman, all fabulous females ready for action. Almost makes me want to see the Birds of Prey movie that hits theatres Friday, February 7.
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Ice Floes
Quickly, before we begin: 1. this is a mostly-true anecdote that ties together several different, ideas I’ve had in the last two-ish days, including... 2. There are no ice floes here, it’s a reference to senecide in certain cultures (rarely practiced in Norhern Tribes and never practiced in the usual, “Send Grandma floating away on a chunk of ice!” way).
So, the first concept idea for this pieces my younger brother, Andy, who is working this summer s a fire-spotter in Idaho and/or Montana (he’s stationed in a national park that covers really big portions of both states). This is a cool, Norman Maclean manly-man style job for a grad student, and we were all fairly certain Andy would like his job (which, as a per-diem, is hard to beat, I’ll admit), and we’d all love to drop in and say hello, except I’m in very specific chemo ward 3-4 times a month (and that last week when I don’t have chemo, I still have to get them to draw my blood and run labs), so my schedule’s a little hard to work. And I started joking that, with our family’s luck, Andy would wind up in someplace with a name like ‘Dead Man’s Gulch” or “Rattleasnake Ridge” (remember that line) that we’d just as soon not bother with. Well, parents won’t be discouraged, so Dad’s thinking he might scratch off a bucket list item AND visit Andy... by backpacking to him (or near him). Which, even though he’s a nut for the treadmill, is not exactly the first phyisical task you’d nominate Dad for if you saw him in person. However, he’s decided to start training to address that very problem. Also, Andy’s fire station is somewhere in the Rattlesnake Mountains. I’m absolutely not making that up, Also, since my more-twisted jokes are apparently reshaping reality in their wake, I’d like to joke that I’ll be a multi-gabillionaire in a few years after someone reclassifies these scribbles as science-fiction.
One of the issues/questions I’m faced with all the time (aside from, “Why did we catch you tying truck nuts to Deputy Pierson’s police vehicle*?”) is how much of my time I really do devote to staying healthy and managing your disease/prescriptions/insurance/appointments. The short answer is, almost all of it. I know I spent a post last week essentially boasting how healthy I was, apart from having Stage IV cancer. What’s important is to know is that I take a weird sort of pride in that, and, as Dad has pointed out, in most cancer cases, the death/survival rate refers to elderly people who have other diseases or health issues in addition to cancer; he hasn’t heard of patients who get chemotherapy, then go for a 3-hour leg day the next day (I’d point out that having a pediatric cancer - as I did, sort of (another brain tumor) has serious long-term health implications for survivors, and now that I’m having toxic sludge pumped through me on regular basis has a few more long-term associated-problems that I’d like to avoid. The point is, it is slowly starting to dawn on me that he might have a point, and I’m definitely doubling down on that bet, too. Which Dad knows, and knows I’ll be up for any dangerous stunt, as long as there’s even a minor probability of increased healthfulness. Which is why Dad and my step-mom invited me on Dad’s inaugural training hike; The Path of Pain (that’s not the official name, but it’s more accurate than the real thing). Now, bit of context; it’s not true that the Inuit would kill people by putting them on an ice flow and then sending them off. What is accurate - from my sources - is that in times of famine, some Northern tribes (probably including the Inuit) would suddenly decamp in the middle of the night without telling Grandma and Grandpa. effectively leaving them to the mercy of the elements and luck/fate (to be fair, if the grandparents made it to the new camp, they were honored and informed of all future camp locations). So, I was aware of this when the following conversation occurred: SELF: This hike isn’t one of those obscure traditions where you’re going to leave the sick, infirm, and old - the societal deadwood, if you will - out in the elements to save the rest from starvation or something, is it? DAD: No. Why, are you worried we’d leave you behind? SELF: Nope, just stating - on behalf of the ill - that I have absolutely no intention of being out-distanced by the old just so I can be dire wolf bait. Also, I am absolutely prepared to lie and cheat in the name of that goal. Other people probably have better father-son chats. Other people are boring.
So, before I start describing the festivities - which involve a severe and horrifying betrayal - I might need to describe my disability status, and disability as it stands. GBM diagnosis is an automatic disability according to social security, because of that whole “really, really, high fatality rate and incredibly fast progression (although I’m okay now - I think, maybe - when I fist met Radiation Oncologist, she said the tumor had a 20% growth rate, which means it would double in size every five or so days - I shudder to think how bad, how quickly that could’ve gotten). And, even though I’m mostly-fine at the moment, for the first two weeks after my neurosurgery, I couldn’t walk. This was because I was completely numb on my left side for that time. Remember the last time you got a cavity filled and the dentist used novocaine? Imagine that sensation - or lack thereof - throughout your left side. Walking was a problem because I had no idea where my feet were (unless I was looking). I’ve come a long, long way since then, but that was not even eight months ago (before anyone asks, after a rather dismal showing by the physical therapists at the hospital, I haven’t been doing anything special to recover, other than exercising like my life depends on it). So, testing it on a steep, dangerous slope seemed bright.
Those of you who’ve been hiking with me probably have no trouble picturing the image. I don’t exactly skip up paths, but I do power through them the same grim, pig-headed determination that I’m bringing to the rest of this damned disease. The peak in question is about 1500 ft - not a prize-winner, to be sure, but it’s not a bad accomplishment for someone who couldn’t even go 150 feet not too long ago.
Now, with that smirking sense of triumph and gold star accomplishment, imagine my dismay when my wicked step-mother announced that this wasn’t the goal of the hike, the actual peak we were looking for was... 22 miles away. Okay, so that’s a bit of an exaggeration, the sum-total route was six miles, all on difficult trail. Greek heroes in classic tragedies endured less betrayal.
Now it would’ve been well within my power to request to go back; but, at that moment, I was feeling physically good at marching a mile in less than an hour, and that sensation somehow fused with testosterone, the Stetson, and male vanity, so, even though I knew at the time it might not be a good idea, all I could do was just grimly forge on with a few complaints. Good news, after a severe challenge to my dexterity, balance, and endurance, I’m still mostly-intact. I’m painfully sore from the waist down (I’ve said before, I’ll say it again, why isn’t codeine OTC in this Godforsaken country like it is in every civilized place on the planet). Left leg (and side) are not too bad, but the right foot’s killing me (I’ve tried stretching and rolling it on my yoga roller, which helped, but it’s still not up to snuff) - when I first got out of the car after arriving home (it’s a California thing; we drive for an hour to walk), I couldn’t, because that stupid right heel was too tender, And after all this, my reward to myself was an extra beer and another Tylenol. What have I become? Anyway, Dad and I have quietly agreed that sitting up and getting out of bed should definitely count as a trip to the gym (he’s also ordered a tree that’s sitting by the garage, so there’s a distinct possibility he has darker plans in store for me), and I’m personally going to try and keep my step-mother from any and all topographic maps. Still, you can’t outpace time and you’ll die if you ignore new constraints placed by disease, so I’ll look into some sort of walking stick (I spent the first five minutes back in the car slumped in the driver’s side because that’’s how achey/creeky I felt all on the left) before attempting anything that stupid and arduous again *I’ll credit Dad with this joke when he discovered that you can get a discount on these items if you order them online in bulk
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"Is progressive auto insurance good?
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I know it is something to do with insurance, but that's all I know. What schooling do you need for this job and what is the general pay? What does a typical day usually look like for a broker? Do they work for a company or on their own?""
Will my motorcycle insurance really be 145 dollars a month?
i did a quote online at progressive just to get an idea of how much the insurance would be for a 2005 yzf r6. i am 18 years old had my motorcycles license for 2 years and have been riding smaller bikes for 2 years now the r6 i am looking at costs 6000 with very low miles and an aftermarket exhaust from a dealer and i will be making a 2200 trade in which will go towards the bike but the rest will have to be financed. i heard the online quote is wrong because i didn't use my social security number and is different from the real quote i should get. also the loan will most likely be under my parents name and if u know of what type of coverage i will need since it is financed ive been doing alot of studying but thought id ask on here. i live in wisconsin which isn't a very populated area which should also make a difference if u know anything or need to know anymore just ask thanks alot
List the 5 conditions that must be met by populations to insure stability (no evolution).?
List the 5 conditions that must be met by populations to insure stability (no evolution).?
What is the bare minimum for full coverage auto insurance?
I live in Idaho. I have not yet payed off the auto loan so I'm required to have full coverage insurance. According to some people I am paying too much (about 700 for 6 months), as they are paying far less. I have geico, but from time to time I look around and get quotes, and it is always slightly higher than what I have now. However, that might be because I am opting for coverage I might not need. So the question boils down to, what is the bare minimum requirements for full coverage auto insurance in Idaho?""
Should i be mad at my husband or his mother?
my husband gave his entire paycheck to his mother to pay her bills, She had a bunch of vet bills, her other sons (hes 30ish and has a job w/ insurance) medical bills, and a 1000.00 dollar tattoo, but couldnt pay her bills. our house payment was due and now i cant pay it cause he gave her all this money? also he chewed me out cause i started crying when he told me he did this. Help plese what should i do. p.s we have 3 small children that this could have helped out for food and stuff liek that.""
Is there a grace period for insurance in california on a new vehicle?
How long can you go without insurance after purchase of a new vehicle? I know it should be done immediately but I have other things going on right now and dont have time to get quotes currently. If there is no grace period I just wont drive until I get insurance.
Good car insurance companies for a low cost??
Good car insurance companies for a low cost??
Aetna student health insurance cover accutane?
Does anyone know whether Aetna STUDENT health insurance cover accutane? I don't know whether regular Aetna and Aetna Student are the same. also, for guys who have taken accutane, do we take the ipledge too? if so, how long do we have to wait before taking our first pill?""
Benefits of life insurance?
long term benefits of life insurance
Free term life insurance quote?
How do I get a term life insurance quote online?
""Why do i pay $400 a month for car insurance, is it cause its my first car?""
Why do i pay $400 a month for car insurance, is it cause its my first car?""
Is progressive auto insurance good?
Is progressive auto insurance good?
I got car insurance and it allows me to drive other peoples cars on my insurance?
if i were to buy another car, 2nd car will i be able to drive that without registering to any insruance company? i wont be selling my 1st car, it will still have the insruance, and the insruance it has allows me to drive other cars, but im not sure if the other cars also need insurance from a company""
""Car insurance, advice and help!?""
Im 16. Ive done a bit of research and it looks expensive, so im going to try to be put on my parents plan. I know it depends on their plan and everything, but im just looking for an approximation per month or per 6 months or per year. They have pretty good coverage if that helps, and my dads on geico and my moms on progressive i beleive. i live in miami if thats useful, and i will only use one car if that would make the insurance cheaper (its in their name). Any bit of advice to make it cheaper or any tips would be extremely appreciated. If i could get somewhere around 500 per 6 months that would be ideal. Thanks u guys""
How can you make insurance for your car cheaper?
Young driver and cannot find any reasonable insurance companies at all!
HELP!!! Car insurance - 10 month bonus accelerators and cheapest insurance companies?
Hi has anyone had any problems with a bonus 10 month accelerator policy when renewing??? also any ideas for the cheapest insurance companies especially when paying monthly and being a young driver (only 20)? thank you xxxxxxx
Direct line car insurance?
hi, does direct line car insurance allow there to be more than 2 drivers on the the one car insurance policy""
A car insurance question...?
So... I had a 1998 VW beetle that I traded in today for a 2003 VW beetle. I purchased this car in the state that I am currently in for college (MD). In order to purchase the car I had to get a MD tag. My old car is insured under Farm Bureau in NC. Can I transfer my old insurance to cover this car? I am not a Maryland resident, but NC resident. Any help/advise is greatly appreciated. My 98 beetle was in great shape, but the newer car had more additives like sunroof/less miles etc.... The difference was around $5000 that I am having to pay.. Because of the financing I had to get MD tag and such.. Thanks in advance for your help!""
Can I cancel car insurance before expiration date?
I got car insurance and paid a fee but the expiration date says it ends in one year, I paid for 1 month and now I need to get insurance from another company. Do I cancel the insurance I have now? if I dont will they charge me every month? Or should I just forget about it and let the ppl cancel me off.""
Maintaining car insurance for DMV (lawyers chime in)?
I have a bit of a tricky situation that I can't get a clear answer online. My question is I have misdemeanor on my driving record that is not yet 3 years old. I have moved out of the US for awhile but will be back and some point in the future. I have no use for my current car insurance and as I will be relying on public transportation for everything. For California DMV purposes, do I need to keep my insurance policy up or is it ok that I cancel my policy since I will be off US roads (all roads in general)? I have read a stipulation that requires 3 years uninterrupted SR-22 coverage or something of the like. I would like to get rid of this monthly charge that I'm getting nothing out of but my worry is that negatively impact my driving record at the DMV for not fulfilling insurance obligations. Thank you.""
Insurance estimate on a car?
So right now i have a 2010 nissan sentra SR and my insurance payment is 120$ a month. i have only used my insurance once, and that was comprehensive collision due to some terrible luck, but my cost did not go up. i want to get a 2008 nissan altima coupe 3.5. i am a 20 year old male, never had a ticket, no bad record or anything like that. would my insurance double if i was to make the switch or what would i be looking at? THanks!""
Insurance question?
has anyone been or is currently pregnant and without insurance? I see that it's possible to get individual insurance with a maternity package, has anyone applied for any of these? Does anyone have any experience in this situation?""
Second Owner of a Car = Insurance? (FL)?
This is for the state of Florida. Yes, I could have looked it up, but there are too many answers to get a straight one. Scenario: Say a parent owns a car. They pay insurance. There's an 18-year-old who still has their permit but wants to get a license. They should become a second owner of their parent's car. However, there's word going around that there would be a second insurance? 1) How will the second insurance work? 2) Do you LEGALLY HAVE to have insurance? I'm not sure what else to ask, but, if someone could shed some light on how this has to be done, just let me know. Thanks.""
Most affordable Health Insurance provider for my employees?
I am looking for an affordable Health Insurance Company for my employees. I have 7 employees w/families and no coverage to offer because the prices are outrageous. My compnay is Incorporated, if that factors in. I have already used the sales companies that do this research for me, but I am not satisfied with the results...plus they call every 2 seconds with high quotes.""
What's the cheapest full coverage Insurance?
I want to buy a car from carmart but I need full coverage insurance it's a 06 Chevy silverado...I'm 22 I've never been in a accident or had a ticket around what will insurance cost???
Re. Car insurance?
Anyone work in insurance buisness? I have 2 cars, my mobilty car and a smaller car. I origionally bought it for my wife as she doesnt like driving my mobility car as its too big. I was advised by insurers to keep car in my name, Using my insurance in my name with my wife as a named driver and my 18 year old son who as of yet cannot afford a car as he is attending college and only gets 30 a week EMA if he attends. My wife and I want to give him the car as a joint 18th and christmas present. Now I am stuck if I hand ownership to him and he is pressured into taking out his own policy, my insurance that I have built up over nearly 35 years will possibly be voided and if I need to insure another car in next 3 years after my mobility car is handed back, I may loose my max NCD. Can I legally keep car in my name also my insurance and make him a named main driver, my wife as second and me as third. I have life threatening illnesses and want to give my kids their own cars. cont'd""
""Any opinions on good home insurance companies in Anchorage, AK?""
Just shopping around for good home insurance. Currently have accepted offer for our first home, and want to get the best home insurance rates.""
Does one speeding ticket make your insurance go up?
i'm 16 and never had a ticket...i think it's state farm insurance.....i'm in california
Car insurance for temporary work in California?
I have a 4 months of temporary work in California and I am thinking of taking my car. My current car insurance will not cover driving for work purposes in California. What is the easiest way to get car insurance for 4 months for California?
Auto Insurance in 2 States?
Folks I am dealing with an issue that involves 3 cars 3 drivers ( my wife, my son and I) and 2 different states (my son away at college) the insurance companies are thiefs trying to stick it to me. Even though my son is at college more than 1250 miles away from home the insurance company still charge me for him, I bough him a car and since he is in another state my insurance premium is almost triple. Any ideas? remember 3 cars 3 drivers and 2 states my son at college with a new car. Will it be cheaper if he gets his own insurance? Help is needed and much appreciated""
How to get my stolen car's value back from insurance?
Hi, my car was stolen from a repair shop that I had left overnight for maintenace work. I say they are negligent for not securing the keys. I filed a claim through their insurance and through my insurance thinking mine would go after them and give me a fair price for what I payed, not the current market value. I heard about the arbitration. Any suggestions on steps I can take to recover more money? plus why should I pay the deductible? Shouldn't I receive money from both insurances? I also incurred other expenses, I had to spend money on notaries, lost time from work, gas money making all these trips for the investigators etc. Thank you very much for any advice.""
Should my car insurance company be forced to cover preexisting conditions?
After all, liberals want preexisting conditions be covered for health care. What's the difference? I want them to fix that dent in my front end that was there when I bought the car.""
Insurance for 250 Ninja?
I will be buying a new 2011 Kawasaki Ninja 250. I'm 18 yrs old. We will pay the bike in full..... How much will be my insurance on this bike? thanks
19 Y/O searching for health insurance advice?
I am 19 years old, I will be starting college in late August/early Sept. as a full time student at comm. college. I am not employed and my mother supports me. unfortanatly, she ...show more""
How can i get my car insurance quotes down?
i have just passed my driving test for a full license in the UK, i am 18, male and after looking at several different websites (some comparison ones and some direct ones) i have found that for what is considered a good first car (no more than a 1.2 engine) i am likely to be paying the minimum of 4000! and this is just for third party and theft. i am wondering if there is any way i can get this number down.. can anyone suggest a good insurance company or anything like the pass plus that will lower it by a reasonable amount? or even a specific car that is generally cheaper than others. any help would be appreciated!""
BEST HOME INSURANCE for a town house in allwntown Pa in the USA?
What would be a good home insurance for my town house in allentown PA.. i am looking for something good and affordable ANY IDEAS
Who has the cheapest auto insurance in California?
I have a second car that has been inop and I want to sell. I only need insurance for about a month.
Is progressive auto insurance good?
Is progressive auto insurance good?
How can I get a fair replacement cost by the auto insurance company when my car is totoaled?
my car is being paid off by the other person's insurance company, not mine.""
Trying to find cheap car insurance!! Help!!!?
Whats some cheap car insurance companies out there?? Not allstate, geico and etc..""
Question about medical insurance?
how can i find out whether or not my medical insurance is expired or not? i have medicaid and i was told i should receive a letter about the matter in the mail but i haven't yet.
The cheapest way to change insurance to a new car whilst keeping current car insured whilst i sell it?
Hi, I am 20 years old and I have just bought a new car. I am trying to find the best and cheapest way to change my current insurance ( with one years no claims) to my new car and then i need to insure my old car whilst I sell it. My current car insurance policy on my car runs out on 15th February 2013 and I have cancelled my renewal. I have received the renewal which is proof of my no claims which will be transferred to my new car. Another question is... can I claim the one years no claims on my new car whilst it still runs out for a week on my old car? I have looked at temporary insurance for my current car but this was almost 400 for 28 days?!?!? If insurance companies want me to do it the legal way, they are not making it very easy! Any advice on the best way around this would be great. I know it's confusing! Thanks, Adam White""
Help. I've missed two car insurance installments by accident and now they want me to pay the rest in full.?
I've stupidly missed two payments. Not on purpose. I'm pregnant and at college with exams and I'm due in March so my mind is trying to focus on revising, focus on saving money to buy baby things with (which we still need to buy most stuff). and focusing on bills etc. Anyway. How can I still be insured but avoid having to pay them the rest of the due fees for my contract term? An idea I had was to cancel it, and then start new insurance with another company? I would have to pay a new deposit and to cancel the old insurance I would have to pay some money as well. Any other ideas?""
What is the Best & cheapest insurance in Texas?
I drive a 1989 Toyota Camry, I just go to and from school (less than 2 miles away) i only drive the car like Mon. & Wed. and yet i have to pay like 150 for car insurance, in 6 months of paying, i pay what my car is worth. So i wanted to know is there any cheap insurance i dont care if they suck or anything like that, i just want something below 100 dlls. so please tell me which insurance you use and how much you pay a month that would really help. Thank you in advance -Angela""
Adding a teen to the insurance with past accidents?
I take my license test exactly one week from today. I have all the insurance papers that I needed from my driving school. do I wait until I get my license to get on the insurance or can I do it now so that I'll be on there for next week? also, when I had my permit, I had two minor parking lot accidents that my dad had to take the blame for. Now that I will be on the insurance can I tell them it was me so that I will pay for the increase directly to the insurance company or should I just pay him the difference of what it is now and what it used to be each month? because I know his driving record will follow him for life. thanks in advance!""
How does car insurance work? do u have to pay for it monthly?
i'm buying my first car and am confused as to how car insurance works. i know its better to have insurance before driving your car off the lot but how does insurance work? do you pay insurance monthly liek you do for a car note?
Insurance company wants to total my car/not insure it.?
So my dad rear ended someone really softly, but it was a truck that he rear ended with a hitch or something that damaged the grill and the bumper. Problem is, I put a total of $2700 to have transmission replaced and the engine repaired after the timing belt broke and caused damage over the last 2-3 months. It is a 2004 dodge neon and the body to these things are flimsy to begin with. I'm taking it in Monday to get it looked at better, but they said from what they could see it might be a total loss. Which means its only gonna be worth $2000. they said they have to replace the hood, the grill, and the bumper and other stuff which is **** because I know people who could fix these problems for less than $500. they aren't even visibly bad, a few dents in the places i mentioned but when i took it in they reacted like i had been in a head on collision going 50 mph. It runs perfectly, we wouldn't have even reported it except we were worried the guy might claim injury after the fact (which he did). What can I do? This is my only car, and I am already in debt from student loans. $2000 isn't gonna buy me a new car. How can I convince them not to total it when I take it in?""
How much will my auto insurance go up if I am at 100% fault?
I was in an accident recently where I was found to be at 100% fault - accident was not too bad-- other car's front bumper dent-- How much should I expect my insurance to go up?
Does a ticket make ur car insurance go up?
ok so im not going in to details about how this happened but basically i got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. will that make my car insurance go up? im 16 if that makes any difference to it...but some telll me it will and some tell me it wont help???
2 door sports car insurance costs?
I've been seriously looking into purchasing a 06 Hyundai Tiburon or an 04 Nissan 350z. I'm 18, and everytime I mention it to my parents, they ALWAYS bring up the fact that we ...show more""
Report old ticket to insurance company?
I am looking to get new car insurance, and I had a failure to control ticket over 2 years ago, which means that it is no longer on my driving record in my state. When filling out insurance information, it asks me to report any violations in the last 5 years. If my ticket is not on my record, should I still report it to the insurance company?""
Can someone provide best independent health insurance i can buy thats affordable?
I have been chewing tabaco for about 8 years i am 26 years old my teeth havent rotted out yet, but i have a very tiny bump on my tonsils (which i think its just irritated) However to ...show more""
2000+ Toyota Celica Insurance and More?
I'm a 16 year old boy and expecting to buy this car for about $6,000 in August. I am looking for details such as mpg and insurance rates for a 16yo boy buying this car. I heard the mpg are really good on this car but will it be worth it if the insurance is high? Help me decide and give me other car ideas under the budget of $7,000 -Cory, CT""
How much is insurance on a 2008-11 Honda Accord Coupe Ex-l V6 for a teen?
I want this car for graduation and I want to know how much would insurance be? I live in a small town
With geico does insurance increase once your child gets a drivers permit?
With geico does insurance increase once your child gets a drivers permit?
What Car insurance should i get at 18 years old?
I am an 18 year old who is unemployed. I need car insurance that is cheap and is helpful. I need to know how much insurance is.
Car insurance?..........?
Who gives the cheapest car insurance?!
What is the cost for home insurance based on?
I am thinking of buying properties in other states to use as rental income. The properties are cheap so i can afford to pay cash the issue how ever is that the rent is also cheap in Update : Yes i know being a distant landlord is difficult so if it makes economic
""Car insurance decreases, when? 26 yrs old?""
I started driving when I was 22 years old, and never had an accident. Right now, I'm 26. I pay $116/month for insurance, which I think is kinda high. The vehicle I drive is a 2006 Hyundai Eantra. Car insurance is: Erie Insurance http://www.erieinsurance.com/""
My auto insurance covers anybody who drives my car...is my teen covered? I cannot afford to list him....?
Me and my teen have a car. I have both cars listed on my insurance with full coverage. If he is not covered is there an insurance company that will cover a driver of his age without ...show more
Can i get insurance then put modifacations on my car?
Hi i am getting a mk 2 golf and will be modding it out with rims tint lights and lowering suspension. If i get the insurance quote at 4grand and then put the mods on the car is it a year of cheap insurance or do i need to tell them i have altered the car? Thanks.
How much is Progressive auto insurance for one car?
I'm 18, almost 19 years old and I recently figured out that with American Family Insurance that my parents have for me, I'm actually paying like $40 more than everyone else in my family just because I'm a young male driver. I think that our current insurance company is total **** so I wanted to look up how much a different company would be (in this case progressive because it seems to be one of, if not the best insurance company out there). But I went to their website, and I couldn't find jack about how much car insurance would be with them. I saw stuff like discounts, information about bundling (or something like that), but not a goddamn thing about how much it would be to be insured by them. Am I just looking in the wrong place, or do they just not list their prices unless you talk to an insurance representative?""
""I got into an accident using another person's car, do I get the insurance?""
I was using my friend's car with his permission. Somehow I got into a small accident, which I hit my friends car while taking reverse in a petrol pump. Do my or my friend's insurance company cover the expenses?""
Is progressive auto insurance good?
Is progressive auto insurance good?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/home-insurance-i-buying-my-first-georgia-need-what-should-peterson/"
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march 15, 2021
so, a lot has happened since i wrote last. i don’t remember when that was but i think that was in feb? i moved out of my parents house, which is really nice. its been a lot easier on me not being around them all the time.
i also confronted my mom about my dad on sunday. told her i didn’t feel comfortable continuing a relationship with her if she kept one with him, considering he’s raped & molested me my entire life. i told her that she can either choose to be with him, and lose me in her life. or choose to continue a relationship with me, and leave him. and that i was being generous even offering her an ultimatum.
i understand she isn’t obligated to respond, she has every right to just blow me off from there and never speak to me again. but a part of me wishes she’d message me saying “i left your horrible father and im so sorry it took so long for me to do so and blah blah”, but i doubt it’ll happen.
i expect her to choose him. it’s sad, but it’s probably the reality. she’s always sided with him, i don’t know why i even think things will be a little different. they wont be. she’s going to tell me “your dad never fucked you” (her exact words) and say im lying, but not be able togive me a reason why im lying about it.
i even mentioned that to her in the text, i said i have no reason to lie about this, and by coming out with it, i lose more than anything. and what does he gain by lying about him ever doing such things to me? he gains a career, the acceptance and love of his family, his partner, not being in jail, etc.
he gains a lot by lying.
i lose a lot by telling the truth.
anyway. i shaved my head. i know i mentioned that above, but i wanted to talk about it more. ive been having issues with my mental health, and ive definitely been spiraling.... a lot. i think im having an issue with my hair because im trying to grasp for some kind of control because i feel so out of control right now. i just feel like nothing is working out and im losing my savings quickly because i keep impulse buying things and im desperately trying to save but its so difficult for me to save money. im trying my best but everything is so hard, and im not getting as many tarot readings as i used to; and i dont get donations anymore because i cant even think of a reason WHY id need them now, other than like.. a safety fund.
i might make a gofundme, but i dont like that because it could affect my disability stuff. it might be best to just do that though; im just so scared.
i wish i was better at money. i wish i was better at a lot of things. i try so hard to do things right and i just cant.
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(PotDA 11) The Professional Patient
It has been a year since my upper teeth were ripped out. While some of the updates to my life are good, there are plenty more issues that rise up. Specifically in how much I feel I need to do before and while I continue to try and get my teeth removed. Though, at this point, it is bringing myself to actually make the appointment. The machismo from the adrenaline has worn off, and I find myself terrified of another go. While the pain was not spread over a weak like the torment I am used to, the agony of the removal of my teeth sticks with me. While I can take comfort in it as inspiration for horror plots and ponderings that hopefully will become the horror stories to define my legacy one day, but the terror of another go holds me back. Like it did in writing this.
I suppose, at this point, you could clearly call my focus on the health care system a bit of an obsession. Though, I personally do not know how I should otherwise approach a situation as I have experienced. The years go by, and still, I have more to write and ramble about. Still, I have more that makes my mind throb with conflicting emotions of manic outrage and debilitating depression. All the while the buzz of anxiety add to the haze, while the ADHD warps me completely. Fuels the fire of the rest by being the name for a peculiarity in my mind I had since I was born, I’d imagine, as I was diagnosed with it at the age of 5. However, I’ll get to the bumblefuck that was my ADHD treatment (or lack thereof for the past decade) in the next ramble. This one is to bridge the gap I mentioned in the last one.
As a brief recap, on March 23, 2018, I went in to have all of my teeth removed. This was required as a lifetime of one of my disease’s flare-ups mixed with a decade (around 16-20 to a week ago. More on that later.) of the issues of suddenly taken off medicine for your ADHD and forced to stay off it no matter how many damn doctors/shrinks/pill-shrinks you see explaining your symptoms causing the stress to increase and the flare-ups to become more frequent. The constant vomiting exacerbated an issue a sugary diet may have caused and utterly demolished my teeth little by little. However, thanks to complications from how infected these teeth had become (having been unable to do anything due to co-pay costs, then not having insurance, then Medicaid being a headache to find anyone to be able to get it fixed) which lead to a few hours of pulling, waiting, pulling, blah blah… I was referred to an oral surgeon.
Which is where the Health Insurance Shenanigans begins. I am quite familiar with these shenanigans, as they have been happening since I started. You see, the many different Nevada Medicaid healthcare providers who have insured me will have a list of the different doctors that will take your insurance. It sometimes might even claim to be able to tell you if they accept patients. This would be highly convenient if it did as it said. Instead, whenever I wanted to find a doctor, I would have to go down the list and call them one at a time. The moment Medicaid is mentioned, their tone sours ever so slightly. They tell you that, regardless of what the list on my provider’s own list says, they do not take Medicaid. The other constant was that if they DID, they were full on patients. If the did and they had openings, it is months down the line. When you need to find multiple specialists to deal with multiple issues caused by the same illness, this gets highly agitating. Frustrating as the ones I believed I could complain to like to assure me they understand it as. Why I do not believe them is they also seem surprised at how FUCKING PISSED OFF fucking up my health makes me.
Remember these shenanigans, I will be bringing them up often.
On March 6th, 2018 I received a letter from the allergist, who had been (poorly) helping me with my HAE care, that my care with them has suddenly been terminated. Now, I had only a few months prior FINALLY received from this doctor a pair of highly useful medications. In between the belittling, lecturing, and talking down to I got more than treatment, I finally was prescribed HAEGARDA and FIRAZYR. The first being a medication I WAS taking twice a week. It was rather painful for 15 minutes upon injection, but that cleared up quickly. The other was to be used in the event of swelling, injected like an Epipen (WHICH IT GOD DAMN ISN’T) might be at the moment of attack. With these two medicines, I had been comfortable enough to make my appointment with the dentist in the first place, which after a few appointments before I received the letter had been set for March 23rd.
Suddenly I received that letter, which was soon followed by the provider of the two medicines telling me my YEAR LONG PRESCRIPTIONS with them had suddenly been pulled. Something they were confused about, MUCH LIKE IS WAS. Upon calling my allergist’s office, I learned that the reason had been APPARENTLY I wasn’t taking it. Which is confusing, as I had been, and had only missed the one appointment before the letter thanks to the INFECTION IN MY GUMS I NEEDED REMOVED along with all the other damn issues I was having and trying to mix making me have troubles sleeping and making an early morning appointment. Something that I apparently need to suck up.
This reasoning SHOULD have been easily refuted by the constant deliveries of the medicine TO MY DOOR. The nurse that had come and taught me to use these medicines, THEIR APPROVAL THAT I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. As well me having sharps container with plenty of the injection needles I used. They did not wish for any of this, and after angry demands given I HAD A SURGERY APPOINTMENT for my teeth which has a DAMN HISTORY of causing swelling of the throat. So they extended it for 30 days, a bridge period, after constant calls that now just sit in my head like an angry flurry. Mixing them up, but the point is I had to FIGHT to make sure I had enough of the medicine for my blood disease so I could go through the dental procedure with the lost chance of a POSSIBLY FATAL flare-up. Fun.
So, once I was healed up after the dental appointment so I could start calling and get the bottoms removed… The Healthcare Shuffle appeared! This is when I tried to call the Oral Surgeon I was referred to, they said they never received it. I call the Dentist who sent it and they said they sent it to my insurance. I call my insurance and they first said they haven’t received it. Later say they do and sent it but the Oral Surgeon never got it. WHILE all this was happening, a far more problematic issue arose. Keep in mind, this is all happening as I am still getting over the fact I now have these annoying dentures that I am STILL angry over.
The medicine ran out. So, of course, I had to find someone new to prescribe me it. This had the issue of me needing to FIND someone who would do this. The Primary Care Physician that I had was uncertain himself and kept telling me he knew nothing about the disease. After explaining, he referred me to a Hematologist and Allergist�� IN VEGAS. (This is 8 hours away from me on a good day or requires an hour and a half plane trip for something I likely need to do multiple times. I live in a city, not a small town. That has MANY ALLERGISTS AND HEMATOLOGISTS.)
Annoyed by this, and after Medicaid Shenanigans, I eventually got an Allergist and a Hematologist referral. Upon calling the Hematologist, they refused! I was highly confused, as they kept repeating that I should go to an allergist. They don’t treat allergies. Hereditary Angioedema is a blood disease. NOT an allergy. Apparently, nothing can be done and I have still yet to see a hematologist. Joy. The reason? Even though I explained extensively this was a genetic blood disease and the symptoms only could be COMPARED to an allergy to stress. IT DOES NOT REACT TO ALLERGY MEDS. An epipen makes the area I inject just swell up yet give me the energy for my skeleton to feel like it wants to run around the block without the rest of me.
So, not surprising, this caused a lot of issues with swelling. Inevitably, I had an episode involving my gastrointestinal system. This time, it was bad enough I couldn’t seem to use medical marijuana to cover the symptoms until I was well and had water in me. So one Ambulance ride later I am in a hospital bed… Oh, wait, no, I am at the front desk of the emergency room waiting for a bed for a bit. Until I puke enough to be a disturbance. However it still takes quite a while before I get the main thing I want and have been kept from thanks to my body violently puking it up. I wanted an IV with something to hydrate me. The drugs could wait untiul the doctor, but as time went by and it felt like an eternity, I kept being told by all the people checking on me that I had to wait for a doctor to get my damn liquid.
All the while my fiance and my father are both helping explain that this was, without any doubt, an attack from my blood disease. It was an hereditary angioedema attack, blah blah… My discharge papers (useful in tracking my disorder and proving problems.) instead say it is some ‘unspecified vomiting type’ instead of maybe ‘blood disease triggered vomiting’ or ‘HAE triggered vomiting’, ‘genetic disorder triggered vomiting’. Think you get the point, more something that proved the medical staff were actually listening to my concerns. Attempts to fix this so I had proof with disability was met with them saying once that is written down it is permanent.
Then, five months later, it happened again.
Luckily, the Allergist I eventually found turned out to actually have heard and seen a couple others who had this disorder. He knew of medicines and, instead of feeling like I needed to teach my doctors… I was given hope! I was given a vial of Firazyr. He said it was extending an olive branch, and I feel this will be what I remember when I try to think of the emotions needed to write a scene similar. I have never felt hope like I have then. Hope that likes to come and go, but at least I have one doctor at-bat for me.
Until a couple of months ago as of March 20th, 2019, I FINALLY was put on a new medication. Tahkzyro which I take twice a month. HOWEVER, I am still getting push back when it comes to getting the Firazyr, which would help me with my anxiety over the next surgery to remove my bottoms. Which, now that I have Tahkzyro, I once more have to take on HealthCare shenanigans to try and figure out who gets the god damned honor of removing my teeth. As the ones I was referred to HAVE the damn referral… But they don’t take Medicaid. SEEMS THE INFECTION IN MY BOTTOM TEETH GETS TO STAY! Just get to keep draining that thing myself. GUESS WE ARE FRIENDS FOREVER, ME AND THIS INFECTED TOOTH! Though it is crumbling away like the rest. It is down to the gums now. Though, I would like the Firazyr so I can inject myself IMMEDIATELY upon noticing my throat swelling. Never been asphyxiated but something tells me it ISN’T ALL THE FUN AN END! Especially at twenty fucking eight. So you can see my troubles. That doctor is still great, and makes a good point, I just think I need to make myself a bit clearer.
The years feel like they become less and less about me finding my place in this world, healing, and learning but instead more and more about me working as quality control for a broken system with no desire to fix itself. With every passing event involving them, I feel less like a patient and more like the data point I clearly am. With articles full of professionals professionally talking about diseases and medicines without much mention or care for the patients. The ones who that was made for.
For patients like me to heal. Not for people to make money. That is a side-effect of the job they signed up for. To fucking CARE for your goddamn patients. Not be coerced into giving meds left and right (or taking them away as a debate on whether or not ADHD FUCKING EXISTS goes on) or whether you believe the name given to the collection of symptoms I show. My disorders are not Cryptids. I have blood tests, medical papers, and diagnoses. Not blurry pictures of my blood viewed through a slide where fragments of the disease are seen peeking over their shoulder as they rush into a forest of red blood cells.
My particular disorders that I had since birth (ADHD and HAE) were caused by my body’s INABILITY to produce something. So if someone who CAN produce it takes it (least in the sense of ADHD as I doubt anyone else will benefit from a c1-inhibitor. No more than insulin if they aren’t in need of it like a diabetic) then of COURSE something different will happen. Of course, they might get high. That is not my fault as the patient it was made for.
As the point I am trying to make is that I do not feel I have been treated as a patient, I feel I am given more paperwork and calls than a cubicle worker. I feel I have to study more about the laws and practices to keep myself from being further burned. In between the Madness. The Pain. The Suffering that ALL OF THIS has inflicted on me. In between the new disorders this has caused me, particularly my obsession.
All I can think of is how to fix this. How I keep seeing articles, posts, and websites full of cries for help at a broken system. Of people fucked over, lacking their medicine, and the only ones getting the fucking attention are the dipshits who thought that taking someone else’s necessity would be a good way to get high. A good way to ‘focus’. To ‘relax’. While you use that as a fucking excuse to let people like me suffer, and further excuse it by brushing us into a group of people who just ‘slipped through the cracks’.
This obsession has grown now. Especially from the subject of the next article, ADHD meds from the perspective of someone who was one them from the age of 5, had them taken somewhere between the ages of 16 and 20 (my memory is incredibly hazy in this period thanks to the damn medicine being taken away) and getting only mild relief from marijuana replenishing my Dopamine… But that isn’t all Marijuana does nor all ADHD needs. I FINALLY am being treated, though it is just beginning. Still need to find MY medicine. It only took a decade for them to admit they were screwing with me. The lengths of my rage, again, is the subject of the next article.
This one was about how this madness turned me into someone who believes his job is to be a Professional Patient. Being talked into long commutes, long waits waiting for a doctor who will drop you for being late when they are constantly 45 to an hour late. Constantly filling out paperwork and debating about the fact my problems EXIST. Being treated as too young to be suffering. To the point, I don’t know what else to do. When you are too fucked up to work, explained in an earlier article, too fucked around for college, and the only thing you can apparently do is smash your rage against a keyboard and hope spreading your story around for no one to read will get something done.
If not? Then no matter what happens. If I die from malpractice or my disease, if I am killed, if I am silenced. My words on how this bullshit has made me feel will be, hopefully, somewhere.
The internet is notorious for being difficult to clean thoroughly, after all. If you do a little light digital legwork with the intention of being annoying as all hell. Especially since I got denied for disability again. Next time, I have to go to federal court apparently. JOLLY GEE GOODIE.
#nonfiction#Medicaid#Hereditary Angioedema#genetics and heredity#disability#us healthcare#us health insurance#reno#renown#suffering#blood disease#disease#rant#medical malpractice
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#theres a big ol dichotomy in me rn between my self destructive rotten illnesses & my small chest of hope & im trying rlly hard to lean into#the hope & recovery & Moving On Moving Forward but it feels like every step i take another wall starts being built in front of me and i dont#rlly know how to take down those walls n a lot of them are Me trying to Protect Myself but a lot of them are also the outside world wanting#poor / disabled / gay ppl 2 just.. die.. n i rlly have no say in getting around those othr than pushing myself past what i can handle ie get#ting off disability n getting a job so i can make enough money to live but like.. if im this close 2 killing myself w/o having 2 work n the#one time i DID work i literally went 1 day out of training had a breakdown in the bathroom n quit bc i cldnt do it....... idk if im making#excuses 4 myself bc i kno ppl who are also Fucked in the way(s) i am that go n work every fucking day but like.. theres a big big chance if#i try 2 do that i wont b able 2 handle it n once i go off disability theyre nvr gnna give it 2 me again n if i cant work i will literally#kms so like....... its a big ol circle that theres no way out of!!!! i feel.. v v trapped in this life n i am Ready 2 move onto the next but#im not rlly ready 2 kms evn if i rlly want 2 n fate Obv doesnt want me dead since shes kept me alive thru who evn knos how many suicide atte#mpts at this point....... ive been tryin 2 die 4 the last 10 yrs n im finally trying 2 live now instead and i fucked it up and IDK WHAT 2 DO#ABT IT......... idk how 2 fix it idk how 2 move on from it idk how 2 change from it idk how 2 heal from it.......#ugh whens the seroquel gnna kick in i just wannasleep 4 12 hrs n wake up n feel soft n drowsy ok im only rlly#happy when im high or getting fucked or being touched in a gentle loving way n honestly none of those happen enough 4 my liking#once i move in w my brother (hes saying march now instead of dec truly kms) ill have 300 more a month ill b able 2 afford somuch molly ill b#so happy ill b able 2 just cover my open wounds w the heavy softness n forget im not actually healing....... im takin the easy way out#bc i have no drive n thats gnna b fine i dont.. rllycare.. im tryin 2 learn what i need 2 learn n if i do it while high outta my mind the un#iverse will find a way 2 teach me while im like that itll b fine
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NC Court of Appeals summaries from December 17, 2019
Trial court erred by not conducting another competency hearing before defendant’s trial began, where the last competency hearing was held six months before trial and there were bona fide doubts about defendant’s competency at the time of trial.
State v. Allen, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
After selling one pill of buprenorphine to a confidential informant working with the sheriff’s office on October 22, 2015, the defendant was charged with (i) sale, (ii) delivery, and (iii) possession with intent to sell and deliver a Schedule IV substance, as well as (iv) keeping or maintaining a vehicle for the purpose of selling buprenorphine, and (v) being an habitual felon. While awaiting trial, the defendant was involuntarily committed on three occasions, and twice found not capable of proceeding. The defendant was found to have intellectual disabilities that were exacerbated by severe abuse and neglect during his childhood, along with an opiate abuse and bipolar disorder, and he was unable to live independently or maintain a job. Although a prior examination had concluded that the defendant was not likely to regain his capacity to proceed, his third evaluation determined that he had regained capacity. After conducting a hearing on August 23, 2017, the trial court concluded that the defendant was competent to stand trial. Six months later, which was eight months after his last competency evaluation, defendant’s trial commenced. Defendant was convicted of the three sale, delivery, and possession offenses, and he pleaded guilty to having attained habitual felon status.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court erred by not holding another competency hearing before starting his trial, and the appellate court agreed. A trial judge’s determination of competency is reviewed for abuse of discretion, and it is conclusive on appeal if it is supported by competent evidence. However, a defendant’s competency can change over time, and in this case there was a bona fide doubt as to defendant’s competency at the time of trial. It was therefore error for the trial court not to conduct another hearing closer to the date of trial. In addition to the defendant’s history of mental illness and prior commitments noted above, the appellate court also based its decision on defense counsel’s reluctance to agree that the defendant was competent, the defendant’s pattern of noncompliance with treatment recommendations, and his unclear answers during the plea colloquy on his habitual felon status. Taken together, these factors raised “a legitimate question as to whether the psychiatric evaluation accurately reflected Defendant’s capacity eight months later.” The case was remanded for the trial court to conduct a retrospective competency hearing, if possible. If a retrospective hearing is no longer possible, the conviction is reversed and a new trial may be held when defendant is found competent.
The case was also remanded for correction of two clerical errors. First, the trial court’s written order incorrectly stated that it was arresting judgment on the charge of selling a controlled substance, when in fact judgment was arrested on the charge of delivery of a controlled substance. Second, the judgment incorrectly listed buprenorphine as a Schedule IV controlled substance, but it was actually a Schedule III drug at the time of the offense.
Trial court erred by not instructing jury on the defense of accident when there was substantial evidence to support the defense presented at trial.
State v. Bediz, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
A code enforcement officer (“Wayman”), accompanied by police officers, was at a property owned by the defendant to execute an administrative warrant for the removal of nuisance building materials. While they were standing on the street in front of the property, the defendant drove up in his car and the passenger side mirror struck Wayman in the hip. The police officers shouted at the defendant to stop his car and get out. The defendant stopped his car, but as Wayman walked by in front of the vehicle, the car moved forward again and stuck Wayman in the knee. The officers repeatedly demanded that the defendant exit his car, and after he complied the defendant stated that Wayman “wanted to be hit.” The defendant was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. After being convicted in district court, the defendant appealed for trial de novo in superior court, and the jury found him guilty of the lesser charge of simple assault.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trail court erred by denying his motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence regarding the defendants’ intent. The appellate court disagreed, and found there was circumstantial evidence of intent based on the witness testimony and officers’ body-cam video. The defendant swerved towards Wayman with his car, and when he exited the car he was visibly upset with Wayman, which would allow a reasonable person to believe that the defendant intended to hit Wayman or at least to put him in fear of immediate bodily harm. But the trial court erred by not instructing the jury on the defense of accident. The defendant testified that it was a chaotic scene, he was only trying to “squeeze by” Wayman and park his car, and he did not hit anyone on purpose. That constituted sufficient evidence from which the jury could have concluded the defendant’s action was unintentional, lawful, and not done with reckless disregard for the safety of others, so it was reversible error to deny the defendant’s request for an instruction on the defense of accident.
Crack cocaine rock that was “smashed” into powder prior to trial was admissible in evidence. Being smashed was not a material change to the evidence that precluded its authentication, and the state established a chain of custody for the evidence.
State v. Dawkins, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Using a confidential informant to conduct a controlled buy, law enforcement officers purchased a small crack cocaine rock from the defendant. The rock field-tested positive for the presence of cocaine, and it was subsequently tested at the SBI and confirmed to be cocaine base. The defendant was indicted for sale and delivery of cocaine and possession with intent to sell and deliver cocaine, as well as having attained habitual felon status, and the case went to trial approximately two years later. At trial, the state offered the “rock” purchased from the defendant as State’s Exhibit #6, but the item inside the evidence bag was now a powder. The narcotics detective in the case testified that the substance had been “smashed” but it was otherwise “substantially the same” item he originally recovered from the informant and submitted to the SBI. The SBI analyst likewise testified that the substance in Exhibit #6 was a “rock” at the time she tested it and determined it was crack cocaine, and her lab results and report were admitted as Exhibit #7.
Following his conviction, the defendant argued on appeal that the trial court erred by admitting Exhibit #6 because it was not readily identifiable and had been altered, and therefore it could not be authenticated by the state’s witnesses. The appellate court disagreed for several reasons. First, citing case precedent, physical changes to drugs such as smashing or pressing them together “do not amount to material changes raising admissibility concerns.” Second, even if this were a material change, the state presented an adequate chain of custody to show that the substance contained in Exhibit #6 was the same one purchased from the defendant and ultimately tested by the SBI, and the witnesses’ testimony established that whatever caused the rock to be “smashed” must have occurred sometime after it was tested. Third, the defendant failed to demonstrate that any error in admitting Exhibit #6 would be prejudicial, since there was no objection to the introduction of Exhibit #7 or the analyst’s testimony about the testing she performed on that substance, meaning that the same information was before the jury through other evidence. As a result, there was no reasonable possibility that a different verdict would have been reached even if Exhibit #6 had been excluded.
Motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence was properly denied where the state presented sufficient evidence to support defendant’s voluntary manslaughter conviction based on the use of excessive force in self-defense, and the trial court’s jury instruction on the substantive offenses and affirmative defenses, taken as a whole, did not constitute plain error.
State v. Hairston, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
On March 13, 2016, the defendant was out at a bar in Greensboro with his nephews and several other people to celebrate a friend’s birthday. As they were leaving the bar around 2:00 a.m., another group of men approached and one of them asked a woman in the defendant’s group if she would perform sexual acts for money. The defendant’s group rebuked the other man, and the defendant’s group left the parking lot in two vehicles. When they were stopped at a red light, a vehicle occupied by the second group of men pulled up next to the vehicle in which the defendant was riding. One of the men in the second group smashed a bottle against the defendant’s vehicle, and the second group pursued the defendant’s group at high speed as they drove away. The vehicles all pulled into a nearby parking lot, where two off-duty police officers were parked in a patrol vehicle. As the occupants exited their vehicles, a large fight broke out involving different clusters of people, and one person (“Jones”) was killed. Additional officers responded to the scene and attempted to break up the multiple altercations. None of the officers saw a weapon being used, but Jones and several other individuals had suffered deep lacerations, and their statements to the officers on scene indicated the defendant was the one who cut them with a knife. As the fights were being broken up, an officer saw the defendant walking back towards a vehicle, ignoring commands to stop, and making a furtive movement to throw something into the car. Officers checked the car and found a bloody knife on the driver’s seat. The defendant was searched and also found to have “bath salts” in his pocket. The medical examiner concluded that stab wounds consistent with the knife found in the car caused Jones’ death. Additional evidence indicating that the defendant was the person who mortally wounded Jones included blood found on the defendant’s shoes and clothing, the defendant’s close proximity to the wounded individuals, the defendant’s DNA on the knife, and the defendant’s statements to a private investigator that others were stomping and hitting him so he pulled a knife out of his pocket and “came out swinging.”
The defendant was charged with first-degree murder, possession of 4-chloromethcathinone, and attaining habitual felon status. At the conclusion of a jury trial on the substantive charges, the jury was instructed on first-degree murder, second-degree murder, voluntary manslaughter, and the controlled substance offense. The jury convicted the defendant of voluntary manslaughter and drug possession. On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court should have granted his motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence based on self-defense (or that he received ineffective assistance of counsel if that argument was deemed not adequately preserved), and that the trial court erred in its jury instruction regarding voluntary manslaughter.
Because the jury only convicted the defendant of manslaughter, rather than first- or second-degree murder, and because the state did not advance the theories that the defendant had either killed in the heat of passion or was the initial aggressor, the appellate court concluded that the only issue it needed to determine was whether the state’s evidence was sufficient to withstand a motion to dismiss a charge of voluntary manslaughter premised on a killing that would be second-degree murder (committed with malice) but for the fact that the defendant had an imperfect claim of self-defense (based on his use of excessive force). To survive such a motion, the state’s evidence would have to show that the defendant: (1) intentionally wounded Jones; (2) proximately causing his death; (3) under a reasonable belief that use of force was necessary to avoid death or great bodily harm; but (4) the force used was greater than necessary to prevent such harm. Viewed in the light most favorable to the state, there was sufficient evidence in this case from which a reasonable juror could find each of those four factors, and the motion to dismiss was properly denied.
The defendant also argued on appeal that the parties had agreed to use pattern jury instruction 206.10, but the trial court’s actual instructions to the jury did not directly follow the pattern instruction language. If true, a challenge to that instruction would be preserved for appellate review even though the defense did not object. But based on its review of the record, the appellate court held that there was not an agreement to use a specific instruction, so its review of the jury instructions was limited to plain error. After reviewing the instructions as a whole, the appellate court found that the trial court had adequately instructed the jury as to each element and lesser-included offense. “Because the jury was informed of the essential elements it would have to find beyond a reasonable doubt in order to convict defendant of voluntary manslaughter, the trial court did not err in its jury instructions.”
Defendant was not seized when he was approached by an officer outside a gas station and asked to leave; defendant’s consent to the search and his subsequent nervous behavior justified a Terry frisk of his clothing for weapons; and counterfeit drugs discovered during that search were admissible under the plain feel doctrine.
State v. Johnson, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
A police offer stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee, and on his way inside he noticed the defendant standing outside the gas station, talking loudly and using abusive language on his cell phone. The clerk inside told the officer she thought the defendant was bothering other customers. The officer called for backup, approached the defendant, and asked him to end his conversation. The defendant complied “after some delay,” but then began shifting from foot to foot and looking from side to side. His nervous behavior made the officer concerned that he might have a weapon, so he asked the defendant if he could pat him down. The defendant hesitated, but then consented. While conducting the pat-down, the officer felt a soft, rubbery wad in the defendant’s pocket that the officer immediately believed to be narcotics packaged in plastic baggies. After completing the pat-down, the officer manipulated the rubbery wad again, ensuring it was what he believed it to be, and then reached into the defendant’s pocket and withdrew the object. The wad was made up of plastic baggie corners containing a white powdery substance that looked like cocaine and a tube of Orajel. The defendant stated that the substance was baking soda, which he mixed with Orajel to fool buyers into thinking it was cocaine. Field and lab testing confirmed the defendant’s statements. The defendant was charged with possession with intent to sell and deliver a counterfeit controlled substance. The trial court denied the defendant’s motion to suppress the fruits of the search on the grounds that he was illegally detained, he did not consent to the search, and the search exceeded the scope of a permissible pat-down. The defendant pled guilty and appealed.
The appellate court affirmed the trial court’s ruling denying the motion. The defendant was not seized by the officers, who initially told him he should “finish his conversation elsewhere.” It was only when the defendant hesitated and began acting nervous that the officer became concerned that the defendant might be armed, and the defendant then consented to be searched for weapons. The counterfeit drugs discovered during that weapons search were admissible under the “plain feel” doctrine. Even before he manipulated the object a second time or removed it from the defendant’s pocket, the officer testified that based on his years of experience in narcotics investigations, it was “immediately apparent” to him that the object would be drugs in plastic packaging. After reviewing several cases on the plain feel doctrine, the court explained that the standard to be applied is analogous to the probable cause standard. In this case, the officer’s training and experience in narcotics investigations, the circumstances surrounding the defendant’s nervous behavior, and the readily apparent nature of the item in the defendant’s pocket established “that [the officer’s] subsequent manipulation of the objects and search of defendant’s pocket for confirmation was therefore supported by probable cause.”
Officers had reasonable suspicion to believe that defendant might be armed and dangerous, which justified a “frisk” of the vehicle that led to discovery of cocaine within a reachable area, even after defendant had been removed from the vehicle.
State v. Johnson, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Two officers on patrol together in a high-crime area after midnight checked the tag on a vehicle and discovered that it was registered to another car, so the officers initiated a traffic stop. The driver stopped fairly quickly and raised his hands, holding them outside the vehicle window. Based on past experience with drug crimes, the officers took notice of that gesture because “sometimes it can mean the person has a gun.” Upon approaching the car and talking to the defendant in the driver’s seat, the officer noticed that the defendant was turning or “blading” his body as if to conceal something to his right. The driver was cooperative and answered “no” when asked if he had any weapons in the car, but he also seemed very nervous. The defendant explained that he had just purchased the car that day, and he provided the officer with his license and a bill of sale from the center console. While checking the defendant’s information back in their patrol car, the officers learned that the defendant had several prior charges and at least two convictions for violent offenses. Believing that the defendant might be armed and dangerous, the officers asked him to step out of the vehicle, where he consented to a frisk of his person. The officers then searched the “lungeable” areas inside the vehicle, over defendant’s objection, and discovered cocaine in the center console. The defendant was indicted for felony possession of cocaine, and filed a motion to suppress the search of his vehicle.
The defendant moved to suppress the evidence found during the search of his car on the grounds that the officers had no authority to search the vehicle and unlawfully extended the traffic stop. The trial court denied the defendant’s motion to suppress, and that ruling was affirmed on appeal. Under the totality of the circumstances, and showing deference to the trial court’s factual findings, there were specific and articulable facts to support the officers’ reasonable suspicion that the defendant might be armed (late at night in a high crime area, and the defendant’s unusual raised hand gesture, nervous demeanor, “blading” his body to hide something, and violent criminal history). In the case of vehicle stops, an officer’s authority to check the defendant for weapons includes a brief and limited search of areas inside the vehicle that would be within the suspect’s reach, even after the person has been removed from the vehicle. “In other words, we review the frisking of a vehicle the same way we would analyze an officer’s frisk of a person.” Because the officers had authority to conduct a frisk search of the defendant and his vehicle, any extension of the original traffic stop was likewise not unlawful.
Even if it was error to instruct the jury on the theory of acting in concert, defendant did not show it was prejudicial where the state presented exceedingly strong evidence of guilt that was not in dispute or subject to serious credibility questions.
State v. Pierre, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Two men (“Stroud” and “Bernard”) hosted two young women (“Jermisha” and “Kendretta”) at Stroud’s home on two occasions. During the second visit, Kendretta experienced a “spell” where she fell down and started kicking, apparently as a result of consuming alcohol and synthetic weed. About an hour after Kendretta recovered and left, the defendant showed up at Stroud’s house in a car, accompanied by at least two other individuals. The defendant identified himself as “KP” and confronted Stroud on the front porch, where he accused him of trying to take sexual advantage of Kendretta. The defendant stated he was here to kill Stroud and pulled out a gun. Stroud initially struggled with the defendant, but once the defendant drew and aimed his gun, Stroud fled inside. The defendant fired multiple shots into Stroud’s home and then drove away. Stroud’s niece was able to identify “KP” as the defendant, and she later spoke to the defendant about what happened and he admitted shooting into the house. The defendant was indicted, tried, and convicted on charges of discharging a firearm into an occupied dwelling and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court erred by instructing the jury on the theory of acting in concert (over the defendant’s objection and a request for a special verdict form) because that theory was not supported by the evidence and including it in the instructions was prejudicial. Pursuant to State v. Malachi, 371 N.C. 719 (2018), even if the jury was instructed on an unsupported legal theory, the appellate court must engage in a two-part inquiry to determine prejudice: “first we ask whether the State presented ‘exceedingly strong evidence of defendant’s guilt on the basis of a theory that has sufficient support’ from the evidence presented; and, second, we must ensure that ‘the State’s evidence is neither in dispute nor subject to serious credibility-related questions[.]’ […] If we are satisfied that those conditions have been met, we must conclude ‘it is unlikely that a reasonable jury would elect to convict the defendant on the basis of an unsupported legal theory.’” Reviewing the evidence in the case, the court found that both parts of the inquiry were satisfied by the state’s evidence. First, the eyewitness testimony, along with physical evidence such as a bullet recovered from inside the home, provided exceedingly strong evidence that the defendant did discharge a firearm into an occupied dwelling. Second, minor discrepancies in the trial testimony such as what type of car the defendant drove to Stroud’s house did not rise to the level of presenting a material dispute in the evidence, nor were there “serious credibility-related questions” with the evidence. The court acknowledged that Stroud’s niece, a key witness for the state, was cross-examined about her potential bias against the defendant, but “she answered the questions about her alleged bias head-on and flatly denied having any bias against Defendant, going as far as to say she cares for him and his family. We find this testimony remediates the seriousness of any credibility-related questions.” Therefore, even assuming arguendo that it was error to instruct the jury on acting in concert in this case, the state presented “exceedingly strong evidence of Defendant’s guilt that was neither in dispute nor subject to serious credibility-related questions,” so the error was not prejudicial.
In a trial on solicitation to commit murder, where defendant did not object to the jury instructions at trial or allege plain error on appeal, the issue was not before the appellate court; defendant’s characterization of the issue as a sentencing error was incorrect.
State v. Smith, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
The defendant was charged with solicitation to commit first-degree murder after he asked someone he met through a mutual acquaintance (“Edwards”) to murder his wife for money. After repeated requests from the defendant over the next few days, Edwards contacted law enforcement and assisted their investigation by wearing recording equipment at a subsequent meeting with the defendant to discuss details of the murder. The defendant was indicted for solicitation to commit first-degree murder, and after being convicted at a jury trial he was sentenced for a Class C offense. On appeal, the defendant argued that he was sentenced incorrectly because the jury was only instructed on solicitation to commit “murder.” The jury was not asked to make any special findings regarding the level of malice it found regarding the crime solicited. Therefore, the defendant argued that he should have been convicted of soliciting only the lowest possible level of any form that offense (second-degree murder punished as Class B2 offense). Pursuant to G.S. 14-2.6(a), a solicitation to commit a B2 offense would be punished as a Class D felony, rather than as Class C felony for soliciting a Class A or B1 offense. The appellate court disagreed, noting that “Defendant creatively sidesteps the fact that he was not charged with murder, but with solicitation to commit murder. The jury was not required to find any of the elements of murder. As previously explained, one may be guilty of solicitation regardless of whether the solicited crime—murder, in this case—actually occurs. […] The crime was in the asking.” Rather than alleging a sentencing error, the defendant’s appeal was really an argument against the sufficiency of the jury instructions. However, since the defendant did not object and raise that issue at trial, nor did he allege plain error on appeal, the issue was not properly before the court. “In that Defendant’s entire appeal was predicated on an unpreserved issue and he failed to request plain error review, his conviction and subsequent sentence shall remain undisturbed.”
In an attempted armed robbery trial, it was error not to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of attempted common law robbery when there was evidence presented that the alleged weapon was actually a BB gun.
State v. Wise, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
The defendant and another person committed an attempted robbery of a convenience store in which they pointed what appeared to be a gun at the clerk and demanded money. When the clerk explained that he had already put the money in the store’s safe, the two men fled. The defendant was eventually charged with attempted armed robbery, but the weapon used was never found. At trial, a detective testified for the state that the defendant had admitted to committing the attempted robbery, but claimed that it was only a BB gun and not a real gun. The jury convicted the defendant of attempted armed robbery, and the defendant appealed. The defendant argued that the trial court erred by refusing to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of common law robbery. The appellate court agreed and vacated the conviction. The trial court is required to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of common law robbery “if there is any evidence – whether offered by the State or by the defendant – that the implement used was not a deadly weapon.” In this case, since the state presented some evidence (the defendant’s statement, as testified to by the detective) that the purported firearm was only a BB gun, the trial court was required to instruct the jury on the lesser offense.
This post summarizes opinions issued by the North Carolina Court of Appeals on December 17, 2019. By Jonathan Holbrook
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Case Summaries – Court of Appeals (12/17/19)
This post summarizes opinions issued by the North Carolina Court of Appeals on December 17, 2019.
These summaries will be added to Smith’s Criminal Case Compendium, a free, searchable database of case annotations from 2008 to today.
Trial court erred by not conducting another competency hearing before defendant’s trial began, where the last competency hearing was held six months before trial and there were bona fide doubts about defendant’s competency at the time of trial.
State v. Allen, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
After selling one pill of buprenorphine to a confidential informant working with the sheriff’s office on October 22, 2015, the defendant was charged with (i) sale, (ii) delivery, and (iii) possession with intent to sell and deliver a Schedule IV substance, as well as (iv) keeping or maintaining a vehicle for the purpose of selling buprenorphine, and (v) being an habitual felon. While awaiting trial, the defendant was involuntarily committed on three occasions, and twice found not capable of proceeding. The defendant was found to have intellectual disabilities that were exacerbated by severe abuse and neglect during his childhood, along with an opiate abuse and bipolar disorder, and he was unable to live independently or maintain a job. Although a prior examination had concluded that the defendant was not likely to regain his capacity to proceed, his third evaluation determined that he had regained capacity. After conducting a hearing on August 23, 2017, the trial court concluded that the defendant was competent to stand trial. Six months later, which was eight months after his last competency evaluation, defendant’s trial commenced. Defendant was convicted of the three sale, delivery, and possession offenses, and he pleaded guilty to having attained habitual felon status.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court erred by not holding another competency hearing before starting his trial, and the appellate court agreed. A trial judge’s determination of competency is reviewed for abuse of discretion, and it is conclusive on appeal if it is supported by competent evidence. However, a defendant’s competency can change over time, and in this case there was a bona fide doubt as to defendant’s competency at the time of trial. It was therefore error for the trial court not to conduct another hearing closer to the date of trial. In addition to the defendant’s history of mental illness and prior commitments noted above, the appellate court also based its decision on defense counsel’s reluctance to agree that the defendant was competent, the defendant’s pattern of noncompliance with treatment recommendations, and his unclear answers during the plea colloquy on his habitual felon status. Taken together, these factors raised “a legitimate question as to whether the psychiatric evaluation accurately reflected Defendant’s capacity eight months later.” The case was remanded for the trial court to conduct a retrospective competency hearing, if possible. If a retrospective hearing is no longer possible, the conviction is reversed and a new trial may be held when defendant is found competent.
The case was also remanded for correction of two clerical errors. First, the trial court’s written order incorrectly stated that it was arresting judgment on the charge of selling a controlled substance, when in fact judgment was arrested on the charge of delivery of a controlled substance. Second, the judgment incorrectly listed buprenorphine as a Schedule IV controlled substance, but it was actually a Schedule III drug at the time of the offense.
Trial court erred by not instructing jury on the defense of accident when there was substantial evidence to support the defense presented at trial.
State v. Bediz, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
A code enforcement officer (“Wayman”), accompanied by police officers, was at a property owned by the defendant to execute an administrative warrant for the removal of nuisance building materials. While they were standing on the street in front of the property, the defendant drove up in his car and the passenger side mirror struck Wayman in the hip. The police officers shouted at the defendant to stop his car and get out. The defendant stopped his car, but as Wayman walked by in front of the vehicle, the car moved forward again and stuck Wayman in the knee. The officers repeatedly demanded that the defendant exit his car, and after he complied the defendant stated that Wayman “wanted to be hit.” The defendant was arrested and charged with assault with a deadly weapon. After being convicted in district court, the defendant appealed for trial de novo in superior court, and the jury found him guilty of the lesser charge of simple assault.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trail court erred by denying his motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence regarding the defendants’ intent. The appellate court disagreed, and found there was circumstantial evidence of intent based on the witness testimony and officers’ body-cam video. The defendant swerved towards Wayman with his car, and when he exited the car he was visibly upset with Wayman, which would allow a reasonable person to believe that the defendant intended to hit Wayman or at least to put him in fear of immediate bodily harm. But the trial court erred by not instructing the jury on the defense of accident. The defendant testified that it was a chaotic scene, he was only trying to “squeeze by” Wayman and park his car, and he did not hit anyone on purpose. That constituted sufficient evidence from which the jury could have concluded the defendant’s action was unintentional, lawful, and not done with reckless disregard for the safety of others, so it was reversible error to deny the defendant’s request for an instruction on the defense of accident.
Crack cocaine rock that was “smashed” into powder prior to trial was admissible in evidence. Being smashed was not a material change to the evidence that precluded its authentication, and the state established a chain of custody for the evidence.
State v. Dawkins, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Using a confidential informant to conduct a controlled buy, law enforcement officers purchased a small crack cocaine rock from the defendant. The rock field-tested positive for the presence of cocaine, and it was subsequently tested at the SBI and confirmed to be cocaine base. The defendant was indicted for sale and delivery of cocaine and possession with intent to sell and deliver cocaine, as well as having attained habitual felon status, and the case went to trial approximately two years later. At trial, the state offered the “rock” purchased from the defendant as State’s Exhibit #6, but the item inside the evidence bag was now a powder. The narcotics detective in the case testified that the substance had been “smashed” but it was otherwise “substantially the same” item he originally recovered from the informant and submitted to the SBI. The SBI analyst likewise testified that the substance in Exhibit #6 was a “rock” at the time she tested it and determined it was crack cocaine, and her lab results and report were admitted as Exhibit #7.
Following his conviction, the defendant argued on appeal that the trial court erred by admitting Exhibit #6 because it was not readily identifiable and had been altered, and therefore it could not be authenticated by the state’s witnesses. The appellate court disagreed for several reasons. First, citing case precedent, physical changes to drugs such as smashing or pressing them together “do not amount to material changes raising admissibility concerns.” Second, even if this were a material change, the state presented an adequate chain of custody to show that the substance contained in Exhibit #6 was the same one purchased from the defendant and ultimately tested by the SBI, and the witnesses’ testimony established that whatever caused the rock to be “smashed” must have occurred sometime after it was tested. Third, the defendant failed to demonstrate that any error in admitting Exhibit #6 would be prejudicial, since there was no objection to the introduction of Exhibit #7 or the analyst’s testimony about the testing she performed on that substance, meaning that the same information was before the jury through other evidence. As a result, there was no reasonable possibility that a different verdict would have been reached even if Exhibit #6 had been excluded.
Motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence was properly denied where the state presented sufficient evidence to support defendant’s voluntary manslaughter conviction based on the use of excessive force in self-defense, and the trial court’s jury instruction on the substantive offenses and affirmative defenses, taken as a whole, did not constitute plain error.
State v. Hairston, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
On March 13, 2016, the defendant was out at a bar in Greensboro with his nephews and several other people to celebrate a friend’s birthday. As they were leaving the bar around 2:00 a.m., another group of men approached and one of them asked a woman in the defendant’s group if she would perform sexual acts for money. The defendant’s group rebuked the other man, and the defendant’s group left the parking lot in two vehicles. When they were stopped at a red light, a vehicle occupied by the second group of men pulled up next to the vehicle in which the defendant was riding. One of the men in the second group smashed a bottle against the defendant’s vehicle, and the second group pursued the defendant’s group at high speed as they drove away. The vehicles all pulled into a nearby parking lot, where two off-duty police officers were parked in a patrol vehicle. As the occupants exited their vehicles, a large fight broke out involving different clusters of people, and one person (“Jones”) was killed. Additional officers responded to the scene and attempted to break up the multiple altercations. None of the officers saw a weapon being used, but Jones and several other individuals had suffered deep lacerations, and their statements to the officers on scene indicated the defendant was the one who cut them with a knife. As the fights were being broken up, an officer saw the defendant walking back towards a vehicle, ignoring commands to stop, and making a furtive movement to throw something into the car. Officers checked the car and found a bloody knife on the driver’s seat. The defendant was searched and also found to have “bath salts” in his pocket. The medical examiner concluded that stab wounds consistent with the knife found in the car caused Jones’ death. Additional evidence indicating that the defendant was the person who mortally wounded Jones included blood found on the defendant’s shoes and clothing, the defendant’s close proximity to the wounded individuals, the defendant’s DNA on the knife, and the defendant’s statements to a private investigator that others were stomping and hitting him so he pulled a knife out of his pocket and “came out swinging.”
The defendant was charged with first-degree murder, possession of 4-chloromethcathinone, and attaining habitual felon status. At the conclusion of a jury trial on the substantive charges, the jury was instructed on first-degree murder, second-degree murder, voluntary manslaughter, and the controlled substance offense. The jury convicted the defendant of voluntary manslaughter and drug possession. On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court should have granted his motion to dismiss for insufficient evidence based on self-defense (or that he received ineffective assistance of counsel if that argument was deemed not adequately preserved), and that the trial court erred in its jury instruction regarding voluntary manslaughter.
Because the jury only convicted the defendant of manslaughter, rather than first- or second-degree murder, and because the state did not advance the theories that the defendant had either killed in the heat of passion or was the initial aggressor, the appellate court concluded that the only issue it needed to determine was whether the state’s evidence was sufficient to withstand a motion to dismiss a charge of voluntary manslaughter premised on a killing that would be second-degree murder (committed with malice) but for the fact that the defendant had an imperfect claim of self-defense (based on his use of excessive force). To survive such a motion, the state’s evidence would have to show that the defendant: (1) intentionally wounded Jones; (2) proximately causing his death; (3) under a reasonable belief that use of force was necessary to avoid death or great bodily harm; but (4) the force used was greater than necessary to prevent such harm. Viewed in the light most favorable to the state, there was sufficient evidence in this case from which a reasonable juror could find each of those four factors, and the motion to dismiss was properly denied.
The defendant also argued on appeal that the parties had agreed to use pattern jury instruction 206.10, but the trial court’s actual instructions to the jury did not directly follow the pattern instruction language. If true, a challenge to that instruction would be preserved for appellate review even though the defense did not object. But based on its review of the record, the appellate court held that there was not an agreement to use a specific instruction, so its review of the jury instructions was limited to plain error. After reviewing the instructions as a whole, the appellate court found that the trial court had adequately instructed the jury as to each element and lesser-included offense. “Because the jury was informed of the essential elements it would have to find beyond a reasonable doubt in order to convict defendant of voluntary manslaughter, the trial court did not err in its jury instructions.”
Defendant was not seized when he was approached by an officer outside a gas station and asked to leave; defendant’s consent to the search and his subsequent nervous behavior justified a Terry frisk of his clothing for weapons; and counterfeit drugs discovered during that search were admissible under the plain feel doctrine.
State v. Johnson, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
A police offer stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee, and on his way inside he noticed the defendant standing outside the gas station, talking loudly and using abusive language on his cell phone. The clerk inside told the officer she thought the defendant was bothering other customers. The officer called for backup, approached the defendant, and asked him to end his conversation. The defendant complied “after some delay,” but then began shifting from foot to foot and looking from side to side. His nervous behavior made the officer concerned that he might have a weapon, so he asked the defendant if he could pat him down. The defendant hesitated, but then consented. While conducting the pat-down, the officer felt a soft, rubbery wad in the defendant’s pocket that the officer immediately believed to be narcotics packaged in plastic baggies. After completing the pat-down, the officer manipulated the rubbery wad again, ensuring it was what he believed it to be, and then reached into the defendant’s pocket and withdrew the object. The wad was made up of plastic baggie corners containing a white powdery substance that looked like cocaine and a tube of Orajel. The defendant stated that the substance was baking soda, which he mixed with Orajel to fool buyers into thinking it was cocaine. Field and lab testing confirmed the defendant’s statements. The defendant was charged with possession with intent to sell and deliver a counterfeit controlled substance. The trial court denied the defendant’s motion to suppress the fruits of the search on the grounds that he was illegally detained, he did not consent to the search, and the search exceeded the scope of a permissible pat-down. The defendant pled guilty and appealed.
The appellate court affirmed the trial court’s ruling denying the motion. The defendant was not seized by the officers, who initially told him he should “finish his conversation elsewhere.” It was only when the defendant hesitated and began acting nervous that the officer became concerned that the defendant might be armed, and the defendant then consented to be searched for weapons. The counterfeit drugs discovered during that weapons search were admissible under the “plain feel” doctrine. Even before he manipulated the object a second time or removed it from the defendant’s pocket, the officer testified that based on his years of experience in narcotics investigations, it was “immediately apparent” to him that the object would be drugs in plastic packaging. After reviewing several cases on the plain feel doctrine, the court explained that the standard to be applied is analogous to the probable cause standard. In this case, the officer’s training and experience in narcotics investigations, the circumstances surrounding the defendant’s nervous behavior, and the readily apparent nature of the item in the defendant’s pocket established “that [the officer’s] subsequent manipulation of the objects and search of defendant’s pocket for confirmation was therefore supported by probable cause.”
Officers had reasonable suspicion to believe that defendant might be armed and dangerous, which justified a “frisk” of the vehicle that led to discovery of cocaine within a reachable area, even after defendant had been removed from the vehicle.
State v. Johnson, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Two officers on patrol together in a high-crime area after midnight checked the tag on a vehicle and discovered that it was registered to another car, so the officers initiated a traffic stop. The driver stopped fairly quickly and raised his hands, holding them outside the vehicle window. Based on past experience with drug crimes, the officers took notice of that gesture because “sometimes it can mean the person has a gun.” Upon approaching the car and talking to the defendant in the driver’s seat, the officer noticed that the defendant was turning or “blading” his body as if to conceal something to his right. The driver was cooperative and answered “no” when asked if he had any weapons in the car, but he also seemed very nervous. The defendant explained that he had just purchased the car that day, and he provided the officer with his license and a bill of sale from the center console. While checking the defendant’s information back in their patrol car, the officers learned that the defendant had several prior charges and at least two convictions for violent offenses. Believing that the defendant might be armed and dangerous, the officers asked him to step out of the vehicle, where he consented to a frisk of his person. The officers then searched the “lungeable” areas inside the vehicle, over defendant’s objection, and discovered cocaine in the center console. The defendant was indicted for felony possession of cocaine, and filed a motion to suppress the search of his vehicle.
The defendant moved to suppress the evidence found during the search of his car on the grounds that the officers had no authority to search the vehicle and unlawfully extended the traffic stop. The trial court denied the defendant’s motion to suppress, and that ruling was affirmed on appeal. Under the totality of the circumstances, and showing deference to the trial court’s factual findings, there were specific and articulable facts to support the officers’ reasonable suspicion that the defendant might be armed (late at night in a high crime area, and the defendant’s unusual raised hand gesture, nervous demeanor, “blading” his body to hide something, and violent criminal history). In the case of vehicle stops, an officer’s authority to check the defendant for weapons includes a brief and limited search of areas inside the vehicle that would be within the suspect’s reach, even after the person has been removed from the vehicle. “In other words, we review the frisking of a vehicle the same way we would analyze an officer’s frisk of a person.” Because the officers had authority to conduct a frisk search of the defendant and his vehicle, any extension of the original traffic stop was likewise not unlawful.
Even if it was error to instruct the jury on the theory of acting in concert, defendant did not show it was prejudicial where the state presented exceedingly strong evidence of guilt that was not in dispute or subject to serious credibility questions.
State v. Pierre, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
Two men (“Stroud” and “Bernard”) hosted two young women (“Jermisha” and “Kendretta”) at Stroud’s home on two occasions. During the second visit, Kendretta experienced a “spell” where she fell down and started kicking, apparently as a result of consuming alcohol and synthetic weed. About an hour after Kendretta recovered and left, the defendant showed up at Stroud’s house in a car, accompanied by at least two other individuals. The defendant identified himself as “KP” and confronted Stroud on the front porch, where he accused him of trying to take sexual advantage of Kendretta. The defendant stated he was here to kill Stroud and pulled out a gun. Stroud initially struggled with the defendant, but once the defendant drew and aimed his gun, Stroud fled inside. The defendant fired multiple shots into Stroud’s home and then drove away. Stroud’s niece was able to identify “KP” as the defendant, and she later spoke to the defendant about what happened and he admitted shooting into the house. The defendant was indicted, tried, and convicted on charges of discharging a firearm into an occupied dwelling and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
On appeal, the defendant argued that the trial court erred by instructing the jury on the theory of acting in concert (over the defendant’s objection and a request for a special verdict form) because that theory was not supported by the evidence and including it in the instructions was prejudicial. Pursuant to State v. Malachi, 371 N.C. 719 (2018), even if the jury was instructed on an unsupported legal theory, the appellate court must engage in a two-part inquiry to determine prejudice: “first we ask whether the State presented ‘exceedingly strong evidence of defendant’s guilt on the basis of a theory that has sufficient support’ from the evidence presented; and, second, we must ensure that ‘the State’s evidence is neither in dispute nor subject to serious credibility-related questions[.]’ […] If we are satisfied that those conditions have been met, we must conclude ‘it is unlikely that a reasonable jury would elect to convict the defendant on the basis of an unsupported legal theory.’” Reviewing the evidence in the case, the court found that both parts of the inquiry were satisfied by the state’s evidence. First, the eyewitness testimony, along with physical evidence such as a bullet recovered from inside the home, provided exceedingly strong evidence that the defendant did discharge a firearm into an occupied dwelling. Second, minor discrepancies in the trial testimony such as what type of car the defendant drove to Stroud’s house did not rise to the level of presenting a material dispute in the evidence, nor were there “serious credibility-related questions” with the evidence. The court acknowledged that Stroud’s niece, a key witness for the state, was cross-examined about her potential bias against the defendant, but “she answered the questions about her alleged bias head-on and flatly denied having any bias against Defendant, going as far as to say she cares for him and his family. We find this testimony remediates the seriousness of any credibility-related questions.” Therefore, even assuming arguendo that it was error to instruct the jury on acting in concert in this case, the state presented “exceedingly strong evidence of Defendant’s guilt that was neither in dispute nor subject to serious credibility-related questions,” so the error was not prejudicial.
In a trial on solicitation to commit murder, where defendant did not object to the jury instructions at trial or allege plain error on appeal, the issue was not before the appellate court; defendant’s characterization of the issue as a sentencing error was incorrect.
State v. Smith, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
The defendant was charged with solicitation to commit first-degree murder after he asked someone he met through a mutual acquaintance (“Edwards”) to murder his wife for money. After repeated requests from the defendant over the next few days, Edwards contacted law enforcement and assisted their investigation by wearing recording equipment at a subsequent meeting with the defendant to discuss details of the murder. The defendant was indicted for solicitation to commit first-degree murder, and after being convicted at a jury trial he was sentenced for a Class C offense. On appeal, the defendant argued that he was sentenced incorrectly because the jury was only instructed on solicitation to commit “murder.” The jury was not asked to make any special findings regarding the level of malice it found regarding the crime solicited. Therefore, the defendant argued that he should have been convicted of soliciting only the lowest possible level of any form that offense (second-degree murder punished as Class B2 offense). Pursuant to G.S. 14-2.6(a), a solicitation to commit a B2 offense would be punished as a Class D felony, rather than as Class C felony for soliciting a Class A or B1 offense. The appellate court disagreed, noting that “Defendant creatively sidesteps the fact that he was not charged with murder, but with solicitation to commit murder. The jury was not required to find any of the elements of murder. As previously explained, one may be guilty of solicitation regardless of whether the solicited crime—murder, in this case—actually occurs. […] The crime was in the asking.” Rather than alleging a sentencing error, the defendant’s appeal was really an argument against the sufficiency of the jury instructions. However, since the defendant did not object and raise that issue at trial, nor did he allege plain error on appeal, the issue was not properly before the court. “In that Defendant’s entire appeal was predicated on an unpreserved issue and he failed to request plain error review, his conviction and subsequent sentence shall remain undisturbed.”
In an attempted armed robbery trial, it was error not to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of attempted common law robbery when there was evidence presented that the alleged weapon was actually a BB gun.
State v. Wise, __ N.C. App. __ (Dec. 17, 2019)
The defendant and another person committed an attempted robbery of a convenience store in which they pointed what appeared to be a gun at the clerk and demanded money. When the clerk explained that he had already put the money in the store’s safe, the two men fled. The defendant was eventually charged with attempted armed robbery, but the weapon used was never found. At trial, a detective testified for the state that the defendant had admitted to committing the attempted robbery, but claimed that it was only a BB gun and not a real gun. The jury convicted the defendant of attempted armed robbery, and the defendant appealed. The defendant argued that the trial court erred by refusing to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of common law robbery. The appellate court agreed and vacated the conviction. The trial court is required to instruct the jury on the lesser-included offense of common law robbery “if there is any evidence – whether offered by the State or by the defendant – that the implement used was not a deadly weapon.” In this case, since the state presented some evidence (the defendant’s statement, as testified to by the detective) that the purported firearm was only a BB gun, the trial court was required to instruct the jury on the lesser offense.
The post Case Summaries – Court of Appeals (12/17/19) appeared first on North Carolina Criminal Law.
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