#but its so DEPRESSING
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thinking about this
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I hate being poor 🤣
#insane that i got paid almost double my salary this month and that a lot of it was surprise money that i wasnt expecting and hoped i could#use as i wished#and a week later im already on the red again 👍 and the only thing i got for myself was a hoodie#a very nice hoodie but it wasnt even an expensive one it was quite cheap#i keep paying my parents bills and its okay i get it im not mad at them we are in a terrible financial situation and i want to help#but bro 😭 i thought i would get some nice stuff for myself and maybe even have money left to go out#every month i keep thinking this is when things are finally gonna start getting better and in a way yeah things are better than at the start#of 2023#but its so depressing#anyways. rant over. im sure by the end of the year everything will have fallen into place 🧍♂️#personal
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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When a cunty witch beats you to death then steals your boy toy for eternal torment 😢 (based on that 'don't you miss her???' meme)
#the og Pathetic Little Meow Meow#catwin#the cat king#thomas the cat king#edwin payne#edwin paine#dead boy detectives#dead boy detectives spoilers#dbda#dbda spoilers#crystal palace#niko sasaki#my art#i feel like we dont talk about the Cat King's depression outfit enough#its so horrible i love it so much those ugly fucking sunglasses#whats even the point his kept boy is off leash and being tortured by a woman in fishnets#catwin fanart
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enough strong bads... time for strong sads (theres still a strong bad here)
[image description: a page of drawings of a human design of strong sad from homestar runner, where she is depicted as a fat, tan-skinned trans woman with gray and brown hair pulled into a bun and multiple piercings. she is wearing a gray sweatshirt, jeans, and steel-toed combat boots, and next to her is a note stating that she is trans and bisexual and that her pronouns are she/they. next to that is a drawing of her smiling and wearing a sloshy t-shirt, and above that is a comic of strong bad poking her in the stomach and saying "even her gender is my hand-me-downs", to which she stays silently angry at him. end id]
#i really like how she came out actually. like Yeah she does look like a depressed 18-24 year old film major#i gave her steel-toed boots to sorta replicate her soolnds. sorta#and under her sweatshirt she does still have a scar from Lil Strong Bad Shenanigans#i wanted the bun to kinda be their weird lil head dollop#i imagine its a pretty loose bun so it flops around#im putting way too much thought into this. i just like strong sad :o]#doc talks#my art#homestar runner#hsr#h*r#strong sad#strong bad
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thank u canon plant nerd megumi for my life
bonus:
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiguro megumi#yuji itadori#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itadori yuuji#megumi#yuuji#middle one FOUGHT oh my god#angle/arm position/watering can/expression NONE of it wld go right#took 2 hours to get the lines only to realize upon laying down flats that it was still Completely off#so i took a break to bake an entire cake came back n finally it started cooperating#tbh idk if im still shaking off ytd's weird funk or what but this took ages longer than it should have#but its ok bc florist/botanist/general plant nerd megu is free serotonin 2 me#i could not decide on one apron 2 give him#but then i remembered he is th type 2 take his hobby Very seriously of course he would own multiple#looks at the hydrangeas listen . listen I Know i ws bemoaning having 2 draw so many cursing their name etc etc#but u dont understand he had to be holding one he just had to. he told me so. he held a gun 2 my head and said U Know What To Do#and i said ok ok ok ok#there r only 2 i survived#and i wld do anything fr him as we well know . cuffs his jeans puts leaves in his hair <3#jjk may have given me trust issues depression anxiety etc but it Also gave me flowerboy megu and i think that balances it out :)#edit added the bonus here bc reblogs dont show up in the main tags enjoy itfs gross flirting mwah <3
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everything will be fine
#ace attorney#satsuhart#dual destinies#spirit of justice#trucy wright#apollo justice#nahyuta sahdmadhi#rayfa padma khura'in#me: man today sucked (draws something depressing)#for someone who likes trucy a lot i haven't drawn a lot of her yet... i've been so khura'inpilled#anyway i guess ill end up doing ask game stuff later its so late... i need to get up early... fml
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the morally questionable relationship between John Price and the darling little starlet he picks up off of the street during the golden age of Hollywood would be such a treat.
because producer!John Price is known as the best of the best in Hollywood. He has an eye for talent, they say, and a keen ability for spotting the diamonds amongst the rubble.
And of all the stars in the world, he sets his sights on you. Pretty little thing. Bright and blinding—Betelgeuse glimmering on the precipice of a supernova. All you need is a little push. A backer. A chance. And he gives it to you. Ushers you into stardom with a crooked grin around the butt of a cigar and a wicked gleam in his eyes that you—in all your artless, sheltered naivete—chalk up to pride.
The problem with sweet little darlings like you is that they all sing the same song. Yearn for the same thing. And it's so easy to mistake his interest as fatherly when the name on your birth certificate reads John Doe. And when he tells you his name is John Price, well—
It's fate, isn't it?
He told you he's been married once but had no children, and the longing in his eyes must be for the family he's never got a chance to have. So, you promise to give it to him.
Problem is: the devil lives in Hollywood and drinks his whiskey neat. You told him you'd be his family, giving him the one that left him behind. Signed your soul to blue eyes for the big screen.
Not that you'd know this, of course. To you, John is a sad widower with a heart of gold. Your overprotective bear who snarls at the directors and actors who get a little too handsy with you on set. His darling little star.
It's easy to wave everyone off when they express concern about these blurring lines between employee and employer. Boss and—
Father figure.
They just don't know him like you do.
And how funny, you tell him one evening with a wry twist to your lips, eyes swimming with sheltered mischief. They thought we were lovers, Mr Price. Isn't that just the damnedest thing?
This little quip has the opposite effect, and if only you looked a little bit closer at the gleam in his eye, the clench in his jaw, you might have seen the storm gathering on the horizon before it hit. Instead of laughing with you at the director's gall, this hilarious joke, John feels you slipping through his fingers just a little bit more. And that simply won't do.
You want a father figure? Then fine. That's what he'll be. Convenient, of course, because he's been thinking about fatherhood a lot lately, too. It's only natural that he decides to cash in on that promise you made all those years ago to make him a proud dad.
#waking up from the dredges of a steep depressive episode to bring you this soggy limp fish of an idea#captain john price x reader#john price x reader#this idea might be nothing rn but im gonna nurture it so hard the moment my brain figures out its faulty wiring#and bring you the nastiest noncon father figure breeding fic youve ever read
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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Until the mountains crumble to the sea
Extra Doodle Below the Cut and Script:
Script:
Page 1:
Fiddleford: O' c'mon stop fussin' you big ol' lug! It ain't that big of a deal...
'Sides, you kept complaining 'bout how your shoulder was actin' up all day!!
Stan: Well yeah! But I always lead...
Fiddleford: There! Isn't this much better?
Stan: Hmm.
Page 2
Fiddleford: Stan.
Stan: Yeah?
Fiddleford: Who sings this song again?
Stan: Uhm...Oh! Uh Cass Elliot! Yeah, Cass Elliot...
Fiddleford: Ah. Well...she sounds lovely...
This is a nice night.
Stan: Yeah.
Page 3
(There is no written dialogue for this page. The only written portions are the lyrics, which eventually fade out.)
Extra Doodle
Fiddleford: Stan, are you crying?!
Stan: Yes! Er- I mean no! I mean maybe? I'm sorry! The song got to me! Curse you Cass Elliot! You and your delightful singing!
#gave fidds clothes based on ones i have irl (its a green button up with tree imagery embroidered on the collar/pocket :)))#love drawing small moments of intimacy it's my favorite thing EVER!!#drawing the mundane is my way of giving my highest honors to certain characters#okay im writing this after drafting my script and I did not need to make it this depressing omg. my bad everyone :'0#Rest assured the halloween illustration will make up for it ITS SO WHIMSICAL :^D#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#gravity falls#thriftybruce's makings#bruce's recs
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some new sad girl guy spring dialogue for sebby!
also bonus bc its summer 13 now and i already gave him a bouquet
#I was at 5 hearts on spring day 23 year 1#as it turns out if you're lucky you can get a ton of flounder really early now to give him a lot of liked gifts#i'm like 99% sure these are new#i dont recall seeing them before with OR without mods#I'm playing without mods rn tho#stardew valley#sebastian stardew valley#sdv spoilers#1.6 spoilers#1.6 update#stardew valley 1.6#sdv 1.6#like every time i've asked seb out before its been 'i cant believe you feel the same way' so like#i'm FAIRLY positive this is new#or i've just never been lucky enough to get alternative dialogue#MY GUYYYYY#depression cw#1k
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happy holidays from garfield and miku (:
#my art#digital art#fanart#garfield#miku#hatsune miku#vocaloid#garfposting#christmas#originally planned to print these as cards for friends but uhhhhh#depression hit read bad bc this is the first christmas im spending all alone#and its a Very bad time of year for me lol#so i just did not finish it until today#and its too late to get cards printed now so#yeah#anyway enjoy lol#portfolio
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#beetlejuice#lydia deetz#song is ghosting by mother mother#i've been wanting to make a crushingly sad animatic with this song about lydia outgrowing beetlejuice and leaving him behind for years#maybe someday....#also editing this was funny because the original scene has its cartoony little incidental music as usual#and beetlejuice crying WAUUUGHHH in the bg after he leaves#so i had to remove all that LMAO#let's remove the cartoony tone and make it.....depressing!!!#anyway thank you if you read my tags sorry for rambling#beetleposting
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i wondered if you could explain how to recognize ai generated pixel art? i would not have been able to tell that the art you reblogged was ai generated if you hadn't pointed it out
i know you mean well when asking this but its so depressing that its NOT obvious... :/ so yay thanks AI,,,,
anyways if you zoom in, it becomes very obvious:
those... arent pixels... they dont conform to a pixel grid, they have artifacts INSIDE the pixels, they have 100s of different sized pixels, the resolution would be HUGE if actual pixels.
here's the generated image:
here's an edit i made quickly to show what it would look like if it was actual pixel art:
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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