#but its not like ppl call me smth else now its abt the same. i get they/them'd a lot but i dont care a lot abt it

[zemnarihah]

ooooo just got to tell this HUGE asshole at work that he was wrong i am going to be riding this high for a week

[radrobotz]

i need to look like a boy before i can not give a fuck abt wearing girlshit

[dettiqueen]

Mikey rant ( tw opinions abt mikey that some ppl may not agree with 😔)

so. something i never say bc i dont rlly know how to say it is, Michelangelo has never been my favorite turtle. in fact usually he is my least favorite, and idk why. ive found him annoying sometimes but other times im like “nah hes just a lil silly guy” but tbh that was mostly for 2012 and 2003. and i know it sucks bc hes a lot of people favorite, and yeah i totally get that! hes fun and lovable but hes just never been for me.

but when i saw Rise that changed, his character was no longer just “haha wacky party dude” and now it showed who he was as a youngest brother, which imo is exactly what he needed. the writers did an AMAZING Job at giving all the characters so much dimension that even one of the characters who i had previously only known as the comic relief now had an entire personality that still felt like it could be mikey and not OOC.

Then MM came out, and i was ready for it to go back to the old Michelangelo tropes, but i was so pleasantly surprised by MM mikey. i actually REALLY liked him in this movie and i was super happy abt that. So i LOVED those two mikeys. Now TOTTMNT came out and im watching it, i cant get over how much i love this Mikey and how different he is. (yes ik its the same mikey im js using the different terms to be accurate) He isnt just dumbed down to the random goofy brother who lets anything fly, he gets kinda mad at some parts which sounds like a weird thing to point out, but its not something i see often with the older mikeys ( i mean they usually get mad at raph but at other ppl its kinda different )

i rly like this version of him and idk to place it as my fav or second fav (to rise ofc)  i feel like it would be unfair to call him “The Best Mikey” Considering how new he is compared to the others, but i would be lying if i said he wasnt already so much better than some of the others (personality-wise i mean. and i do not hate any of the Michelangelos and i wanna make that clear.) Also im pretty sure TottmnT mikey is second youngest? and im pretty sure thats new, its cool though it suits him and i think maybe him not being the youngest had smth to do with this character change? idk js a theory… a game-im just playing. I could talk abt this a lot and i might do if again later. Ty for listening and i would love to hear your thoughts like, did anyone else feel a bit annoyed by the way the older mikeys were portrayed?? i lowk liked ‘07 mikey even tho he was there for like 5 seconds💀 but lll have to rewatch it again to compare. Hyper-fixation is absolutely insane . 

[sonikkublue]

goin on here to rant so most my ppl dont see, im not that active here anyways so who cares, i sure dont. my year has dragged me to my lowest point till ive become sucidal again. i dont like thinkin abt it but its there

i want to quit. i want to quit friends, i want to quit art, i want to quit everything. everything. including my au. i want to drop dead off the internet and prob go kill myself or reflect or smth. idk, one of those is better than the other, but again i dont know. everything is always hurting and ive been so numb to everything since this year has started, its only gotten worse. my friends arent makin this any better either

im done bein used, im done getting manipulated, im done seeing ppl favor one another right in front of me, im done w/ ppl not listenin to me when i try expressin smth im struggling w/, even if it wasnt much or none at all. i dont even vent a lot or at all. why?? cuz no one ever fucking listens, gets mad at me while i try talkin, pushes my issue away w/ another topic immediately. they my friends act more excited towards the other everyone else gettin smth meanwhile i get lil to none. i recognize im not gettin appreciated as everyone else in my friend group, like they're uninterested in me anymore. that they dont care. ive tried bein positive, i cannot. my friends have offered and offered and offered for me to talk to them if im ever bothered- "u can always talk to us if smth wrong" or smth like that...ok?? last time i broke down in call, one of my friends was playin cookie run to distract themselves, so they werent even fully listening...another time i just got flat out ignored, my issue got pushed aside by another art topic, "damn". NO ONE FUCKING CARES. i already know the cycle. too many times ive lived thru it and im only enabling it by gettin vulnerable. at this point, i cant trust my own friends cuz its so hard too believe them when they keep doin the same thing to me over and over. they're trying to prove smth to me to make me think they care. i dont fucking believe it cuz no one has ever shown care back for me, regardless of how much i give to them. theres that word again. i give so fucking much, and i hate myself for bein this way. most of the time i wish my au didnt blow up cuz its put so much pressure on me like the new friends that came and left in my life, me realizing i have to maintain an audience... idk, maybe im a lost cause. i cant do any of this anymore. i want to die. i dont like thinkin it, but i want too. theres so much stress, so much unbearable stress and anger. and no one will fucking care. ive been hurt by my own friends too many times. i dont say anything cuz its just gonna happen all over again, no how many times i *try* and bring it up to them, they will not fucking listen. no one ever fucking listens to me. i didnt like makin friends from the beginning, ive loved bein alone from the start, but everything happens naturally...unfortunately

i give and give and give and i get absolutely nothing back. im all used up.

idk everything fucking sucks rn. i didnt have to worry abt all of this when i was a smaller acc and i had myself. thats all i needed. now im just miserable. im depressed, sucidal thoughts are everyday, i cry to myself everyday and night cuz of it, im stuck living w/ this thing i made out of my pure "imagination" and that same thing almost made me kill myself one time, ive almost killed myself twice a couple months back- one in my parents bathroom and almost sneakin out of my window to wander away from home.

one day im goin to leave, and im not gonna say a word

[star-sim]

hiihii, 🦊 anon back here !! Im gon be info dumping u the shii cuz u said u were invested, but if u dont want to readall of it I completely understand cuz like I wrote a whole ass shii 😭😭

--------

okay so like there's thay copycat, let's call her P !! technically, she's been a friend since last year, but I didnt really consider her as one cuz she mostly talked with my other two friends from our closest friend group n like nobody else. (we're a group of five without her) She sorta randomly appeared, but I ofc didnt mind cuz its always nice to meet new ppl n make new friends yk ??

(extra thingy for this year => one friend changed schools to another city, another doesnt hang out with us anymore but does online, n then there's another who isnt in the same classes so we only see each other during breaks. so its just me n another friend, (let's call her F) she's has been my closest friend since years ago so far !!

Okayokay now on to the real shii; since the new school year, P asked the school if she could be in the same class as me and F (because we're always together). so practically, P is also my classmate now. BUT !! I've noticed she favours F more than me, which doesnt bother me much bc we all have preferences at some point 🤷‍♀️ HOWEVER its getting a bit uncomfy because she's slowly been like starting to copy me and seems to be trying to exclude me to get closer to F ever since school started

Im insecure about friendships, so I get jealous when I see F paying more attention to P than to me (at least Im self aware 😞) oh, abt the copying part, I have a list to explain omllll !! for instance, I have an online school timetable with a specific colour palette (we have our own from our school's app but I'd like to use my own [another one] cuz then its a widget) she saw it and asked about the app n then the next week, she did the same thing with the exact same colors for each subject ?? Its not a big deal, but its abs noticeable.. like I get it u wanna use the same app cuz Ik how handy it is but using the same colours is starting to become extra .. then theres the school stationary, especially the pencil case and highlighters. I have a clear see-through pencil case and pastel highlighters (so coquette) n after two months or somewhere around that, she got the same ones. AGAIN, not a huge deal, but then she started comparing highlighters and saying she should have bought the same ones as me (?? Girl tf) Its frustrating because she's indirectly indicating that she wants to be or have the same shii as me 😭 n I dont like that. Ik some ppl do but I jst dont

Another example is my headphones. I have specific ones (JBL I lub em sm), n in December or smth, she also got the same ones but in pink (I have black ones) Its not about the headphones themselves tho, but the fact that she claimed we have the same ones when they're CLEARLY different. It's a fcking pattern, even with little things like a pocket mirror that she suddenly wants after seeing mine ?? 😭 "oh, I want to have one too now n use it like u" *proceeds to buy n never use it anyways* 💀

oh oh, then theres the issue of her comparing grades (no like wtaf) my average is at least 70%, which Im abs content with, but I wish I had more motivation to study m improve 😞 ahe studies n has an average of 74%, which is great for her ofc !! but she constantly YAPS abt having higher grades n being smarter, not realizing the difference between being book-smart n actually intelligent like girl theres a diff between the 2 yk 😭😭

P is actually fcking starting to get on my nerves, especially after half a year of this bs .. the friend who changed schools was like the mother of the group, n I miss her a lot (she's coming back next year tho, yippie !!) P seems to be trying to exclude me from the friend group n from my bestie F :( I havent told anyone else cuz like Im afraid theyll jst think Im overreacting, but I did confide in T ( the transfer student friend, lets call her that !!), n shes on my side (duh ofc cuz she also noticed from last year how she only sticked to F) but I dont want to tell F herself cuz I dont think she'll believe me. I used to feel happy and comfy being myself before P joined in, but now I feel like Im constantly being criticized n copied :// Its even worse bc she made fun of my cat's name !! (Like, I told her my cat's name cuz at one point we were talking abt cats n I told her I had gotten a new one that summer. atm she was doing that gossip whisper thingy to somebody else n when I told her that she had to be honest and confess she was making fun of my cat's name she went like "ohhhh, for a cat name !! I thought a human name" n then fake smiles omfl ..)

------

ANYWAYSSSS, TAKE CARE 😽 love ur fics Istg I dont think I'd survive here w/out ur writings Im not joking 😭 ur fics r like one of the only ones that I'd even WANT to read no matter the 10k+ wc (thats a lot for me n I prefer short ones, but ur longer ffs r like TOP TIER MWAH)

-🦊

oh girl ur stronger than me bc P would make me yell....

u and F are like for-lifers.... the friends that you keep when things change are the ones that you need to CHERISH FR

i think ur like 100% valid for the friendship jealousy, i get SO jealous too ur like real for that. like looking at these individual examples it doesn't come off that P is trying to copy you.... but when you look at it ALTOGETHER as ONE BIG MASSIVE PICTURE.... yikessss

i cant stand P sorry... like the excluding thing is making me seethe

AND THE CATS NAME THING WOULD BE MY FINAL STRAW GIRLLL STAY IN UR OWN LANE

i don't think ur overreacting, ur like 100% valid for this one

i am SO on your side

imo i think it's important to talk to F about this... and if she does not react well then drop her!!! if your best friend cannot take your feelings into consideration then that's not good!!

i'm glad that you like me fics btw!! it means a lot <3333

thanks for stopping by 🦊 anon!!! mwah mwah love you (and lmk if i need to air raid P)

[cheswirls]

once again 1098 stuff w a disclaimer that the RA is the most interesting thing abt one piece rn aside from the mystery of the void century. their drive and motivation match most of the core themes of op beat for beat. if this chapter broke my heart w every little reveal then next chapter is gonna be the nail in my coffin

ginny's sapphire disease has smth to do w seastone. VP mentioned earlier in the arc abt seastone's properties in an expansion of what was mentioned in skypiea. idk if they injected it into her or altered her DNA so that it formed in her body or if literally this is one giant clue to seastone being born from human DNA or whatnot. we still have no idea where the wg is getting it from!!!

where bonney has the mark is where her piercing is now tho. )':

i love. how op does the found family trope. it's so good. it's SO good!!! kuma rly is her dad blood related or so!!! it's like toko and yasuie!! that was her dad for the last few years of his life!! same thing! kuma raised bonney! it's so! so!!!! aaaaaaaaa

the fact that she's never left the church since such a young age is miserably heartbreaking.

when kuma asked her where she'd want to go if she could!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaa god not me realizing that save for a rock at TB kuma's only ever used his teleporting power on ppl to get them out of harms way. even in peronas case she was trying to flee TB so it counts. that's such. that's so tragic.

and ginny. )))): god how long do you think it took for betty to become east blue commander? was there anyone between her and ginny? how long do you think dragon sat on his hands abt that, knowing what happened to ginny and not wanting to risk anyone else, especially someone presenting as female???? how much do you think ginny's capture rocked the RA to its core? fisher tiger freed the slaves at mariejois 17 yrs before present, several years before ginny was captured. five years after ginny and kuma joined RA. do you think they inspired each other? do you think tiger took notice of all the chaos the RA was causing and decided he took could take matters into his own hands? do you think the RA viewed tiger as a martyr, as a symbol that the celestial dragons were not infallible?

kuma calling bonney's mark her jewels. and her epithet is born. god. i'm not crying you are

the last doctor looks so familiar but i can't place him. i don't think it's crocus but it would make sense that he's researched countless rare diseases in hopes of curing roger's.

is this roger's disease???? crocus said he had a stopgap fix for it so roger could finish his voyage so maybe that's what was given to kuma for bonney? it ticks all the boxes of 'inevitable terminal illness' but there's still questions unanswered if that's the case. was bonney's DNA altered along w ginny's and that's how she got it? surely it can't be contagious. is it hereditary?? that wouldn't explain ace if it's the same illness but would explain how bonney has it and no one aside from her mother has had it before (that we know of.)

what if. what if kuma let VP experiment on him in order to find a cure for bonney :( she did mention she's met VP before. and dragon has that connection w him.

aaaaaaaaa so much in this chapter. i feel so bad for ginny :((( guess that's why bonney was never targeted as a buckaneer. she never was one

i wonder if she would recognize luffy as the embodiment of nika. if she would if saturn mentioned the fruit's real name. if she says smth to him out of spite and jest and that's how luffy finds out what his fruit is called (and rly is)

1099 botta be so crazy insane

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

anon who doesnt have aspd and taught myself empathy here yet again! i am Now Thinking and remembering that a huge part of why i've never tried to go to therapy or anything is coz like i Know i'd use what i learn to like, manipule ppl better and shit. i enjoy playing w ppl Too much and coz Fun Childhood i've been good at it all my life, but cognitively i recognise its bad so it would be bad and not fair for me to go to therapy and get even better at it and manipulate ppl i love for my own fun. and like even i dont do illegal shit or even like drink alcohol or smoke coz then i can keep the moral high ground in arguments w ppl and i can say whatever i want and call em out on shit and create a fuss for them and stir the pot and they cant call me a hypocrite. like so much of what i do is about making sure i have a level of ability to manipulate and control ppl and situations. so many behaviours which arent explained by autism, idk why i've just brushed all of them aside except that i've gotten bored by overthinking abt them, and ive mostly gotten to a point where they're under control and im content w life

but back to remorse and empathy i honestly just think they're not really necessarily useful things and ppl place so much importance on "oh im such a good person i have so much empathy" but will also use their empathy/remorse to control ppl? like i know ppl w bpd who use their genuine guilt and worries and stuff to get ppl to feel sorry for them and indulge them instead of confronting and working on it. like even ppl w/o mental illness will sometimes try to use the fact they feel bad abt smth to erase their culpability instead of actually fixing their mistakes. it can be confronting for them that some ppl can be like "oh shit i made a mistake. fuck. oh well" (and sometimes fix their mistake/take responsibility) w/o remorse or other emotions to it coz i think it makes them realise their emotion doesnt absolve them

thanks to listening to me ramble!

man i feel that, im also obsessed with having the moral high ground, except i think my view of morality is the best one and everyone else is stupid. also i'm a hypocrite. i also hate hypocrites! yes this in of itself is hypocritical i am aware. do something morally reprehensible? shame on you! doesn't matter that i do the same thing with no intent to stop. its over anakin i have the moral high ground!! i have Standards and Morals and also i'm correct all the time. if i had the death note there would be no story and everything would be okay. i simply would not go mad with power and i'd only kill people who are deserving of it

also yeah i hate the empathy = morality thing i hate it so so so so much. i do think cognitive empathy is a useful tool and remorse can be useful as like, the emotions equivalent of getting spritzed with a water bottle and also you are a cat. do something shitty? feel remorse? my cuck ass is NEVER doing that again!! because remorse felt so bad the first time, why would i risk doing it Again and feeling remorse Again? its just not worth it. but then again if you get more and more used to its presence it wouldnt work all that great and also would suck balls

and i've known a dude w bpd who was like that, and ive known people with good ol fashioned Anxiety Disorder that were like that- worse, even! they thought that bc they had anxiety, they were these cutesy little waifs and anything they did could be rebutted with "but i have anxietttyyyyyy" and everyone was just expected to pity them because of it- no matter what they did! people put too high of an emphasis on emotion as the standard of morality- if you're a scared abuse victim, thats Moral and you are Pitiable, which is Good. however if you fought back, you are Immoral and you are Secretly Probably The Aggressor, which is Bad. (consequently, if you're too scared, that's Moral, however you Didn't Fight Back, which means you were acting Illogically, and Had It Coming, therefore you are Bad) which is hypocritical as fuck! ive taken responsibility w/o remorse and i've takne responsibility with remorse and remorse is Not the important part of this argument, it's emotional intelligence.

[8bitgarden-sys]

Anyone else think in the last great american dynasty, Bill MIGHT have been the bad guy? Like yeah everyone else, but like… “women with madness,” self hate and internalized ableism, “their men and bad habits” —- UM HOLD ON

“The DOCTOR had TOLD HIM. to SETTLE. DOWN.” But it must’ve been her fault his heart gave out.

Like he, correct me if I’m wrong, knew what his town was like. They knew they’d all blame her when he died and he didn’t care (right? I’m willing to hear other sides! Bc its very possible that he had some kind of addiction or disorder that made things way more complicated than the song had room for! So maybe bad guy isn’t exactly what I’m saying)

But yeah we have an alter, Benji, who (tw for this stanza of abuse (non graphically mentioned) holds most of our what we call “roommate trauma” which was just a specific longish form traumatic event that happened in our life before we even knew we had DID, but HE—Benji—was the host. So he was the one experiencing like pretty much all of the gaslighting and predatory and stuff.

When he listens to this song, he cries. It’s his #1 swiftie song (tied for him specifically w all too well 10 mins if u’ve been following me for even 24 hrs u probably know that) bc of the end. “I had a marvelous time ruining everything.” We say more about that in a swiftie eras themed video essay we did which I’ll link here if ur interested—warning i SERIOUSLY messed up the backing music and it does get very loud at some times. If u think u can handle that and still hear what I’m saying, give it a shot! If u can’t and are still interested in what we said, dm us and we’ll send u the script we read from! But anyway the thing that resonates w us, and Benji the most, the most, is this:

Our “first” experience w tlgad was we were finally in the mood to listen to new music (any other neurodivergents feel me?) and we wanted to try folklore. I didn’t like it at first—and before we continue, I LOVE it now. I have a personal problem I’m working on, if i think something will be very one way and it’s just not it completely turns me off no matter how good it is and I need time to be ready to accept that it wasn’t what I thought, and it will be beautiful.

I listened, two years ago, to tlgad and turned it off at the line “it must’ve been her fault his heart gave out.” (Real life and major character death when it’s not an essential part of a story trigger me, and I wasn’t ready. No one’s fault)

I did ever pick it up again until…

The Eras Tour was added to Disney+. And we just were lucky enough to have it.

And she starts playing it, and i think I remember being like “oh god oh gos oh god its this oje irk it i can do this” but 1) i am SO grateful that this was my first REAL experience w it bc while i love the original one just the same the eras tour one hits different and 2) we cried so many happy tears hearing the end for the first time, and the performance??? How every actress and actor and taylor herself and EVERYONE did so well to make a very vivid story line that I finally got it, I got it, I got it, and it was beautiful.

And finally.

The way Taylor yells it.

“There goes the LOUDEST WOMEN THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN!!!!! 😍🥰💘☀️💃💪

So healing.

Ok i thought this was gonna be a 1-3 stanza paragraph but here it is. Ig what i personally want abt this post is to hear what ppl are personally thinking about (at any detail ur comfortable with, with proper trigger warnings) the song, what it means to help, if it’s helped them?

Anyway, I’ll reblog if i’ve forgotten smth.

[jadenightthewriter]

In their defence they may be stupid but marcellus is a) traumatised and b) a child. Idk what marcias excuse is tho 😔 in the esmerelda version she is also so so traumatised and has barely had time to recover from althers death before ending up with a baby for a second time except this time she can't dump it on someone else 😔😔😔 (the bit where she goes to the heaps in that version is So funny,, she shows up like um. Haha hi uhhh help. And she has a teenage boy with her and also a baby (identical to baby #1 silas got handed) and silas is like marcia wtf. Marcia why is there a baby who looks exactly the same as the one u gave me before. Marcia where r these babies coming from)

Honestly I think real au esmerelda probably had it better than canon esmerelda?? Like in canon everyone had caught on that etheldredda was killing her kids and tried to protect her, in this au etheldredda isn't even killing just the princesses she also killed her son who wasn't a threat at all and everyone is so on guard abt it. Esmerelda is never ever left alone w etheldredda not even once and all the palace staff r so careful abt it

YEAH <3333 septimus and marcellus get along So well here,,, septimus is having some kind of panic attack at one point and marcellus is like look i get it- and seps like LITERALLY NO U DON'T. And marcellus goes haha. Lmao. And then there r explanations (once sep is not actively crying on the floor) and septimus latches onto marcellus as his new favourite person (equal to marcia) and also septimus gets twice the amount of hugs and its all very sweet and nice <3 also I'm assigning marcias rooms another bedroom so marcellus can also stay there 😌 they may already have one?? I think it's mentioned in thm somewhere??? But. I'm putting it properly in the story this time <3 marcellus is staying in the tower while all his alchemy stuff is under construction and marcia HATES it bc he can spot when she's not sleeping and literally pick her up and put her into the bed and it's the WORST and sometimes he makes food and then she has to actually stop what she's doing to eat it and it's awful 😔😔 (<-she's doing better physically and mentally than canon marcia tho so). He's also very much a shoulder to cry on abt dn1 related stuff so literally this marcia is like canon marcia but 100% less. Lonely and sad.

Anyway I got off track,, yeah septimus and marcellus bond over being two guys with the same variety of trauma and both marcia and marcellus r able to help him more in this au than in canon bc they have. Experience. Does it help septimus that much?? Short term kind of long term definitely. Marcellus to septimus is like a kind of cool uncle/sort of dad figure,, they hang out when neither of them have smth else to be doing (sometimes when they do) and marcellus teaches him abt alchemy and marcias like wow marcellus :/ I can't believe you'd steal my apprentice :// that's so rude and mean 😔😔 and he's like lmao <3 and keeps teaching septimus stuff. Also marcellus does eventually tell more ppl abt his Actual backstory and jennas like WAIT WE'RE RELATED????? and decides he's cool actually now that she can bully sep abt how that's her great uncle 🥺 how could he steal him from her like this 🥺🥺🥺

This ask is so long abdhdbdjd rip and uhh. Well i have Plans for a fic but I think we all know what happens when I have a plan for a fic (<-it never ever gets written) so PLEASE write smth if u want to i will love it forever and ever and ever <3333

Consider: I would call them stupid even without the trauma, hence they have exactly 0 excuses sorry babies I love you but no

I bet Silas thinks Marcia did something stupid and kidnapped them all which is,,, aha not exactly wrong?? But it's not like she's going to admit that. (side note i feel like marcellus and silas probably get along shockingly well and marcia is Upset about this she's been betrayed how could you marcellus)

hmm.... that's a good point about esmerelda. I think mentally it might be harder for her though, because there might be lots of people who love her but i feel like there wouldn't be many who would try to get super close, because she's still royalty. i think septimus should accidentally trip and fall through one of marcellus's silly experiments and meet esmerelda and maybe be her friend for a bit.

ngl marcia sounds like a cat here i love this. do you think sep and marcellus (help i need to shorten his name i can't keep typing it T^T) scheme to like,, trick her into doing things they want. i bet they do like pspsps marcia look here. (i bet marcia and marcellus fight over how much alchemy and magyk stuff they're allowed to leave lying around. their rooms look pretty much exactly the same because they both hoard so many things except marcia's has like 2% more purple. relatedly i bet their horrible sense of fashion has infected the other.)

marcia and marcellus working together is probably the best possible thing to happen for sep it's like,,, someone understands almost all of what happened to him, there's always someone to talk to, there's someone to be responsible and someone to be irresponsible, he gets all the good things he deserves <3333

i think the jenna sep marcellus dynamic would be so funny idk how much an age difference they have (depending on AU version i would guess 10-15?) but they probably have the same sort of influence from marcia and all love to make fun of each other. they probably wear purple a lot and don't notice until silas points it out lmao and then make a point to see who can wear the most outlandish purple thing until marcia yells at them.

bestie same 😭😭 i can't promise anything (fuck you, school) but i have so many ideas i'm serious when i tell you this au is one of the best things i've learned of in months

[yeocult]

ok let me talk a sec

[gulava]

Wanna redo my old Bleach autism post as it’s pretty much gone anyways due to my remaking and I’m older but I’d like to do it with multiple characters this time. HOWEVER, I’m already so far into my reread I’ll go fucking insane if I do it right away as I’d have to GO BACK and reread again. Anyways, the focus was gonna be Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Kisuke, Byakuya, Mashiro, Kensei, and Riruka. I tried to branch it out a bit so there’s main characters and then random ones but a few more is fine. I have more headcanons than this I just don’t wanna overdo it by including TOO many characters. This could be a fun project if I do it with someone else that feels the same way! Maybe get a person per character? Ichigo will be...a LOT, I’m sure. I don’t wanna forget that I wanna do this so I’m typing this out. I am VERY focused on Digimon right now and my one track mind shows but I do actually intend to do this. It won’t be an edit or anything like that. A long post more like? I can talk a lot but I’m not writer, y’know? But feedback and advice will be something I’ll take from my fellow autistic Bleach fans, naturally! Please look forward to it! And if anyone wants to join in on this, hmu!

Under the read more are some messy notes I made to get an idea...

hyper empathy (blood left over from hollow attack in the special ch n orihime healing menoly, crying for ichigo and riruka and the shinigami hurt by mayuri)

ichigo calls teachers instructors/doesnt use special titles/ says ojisan and toshiro and byakuya

ichigo that time he wondered if the water would heal a cut in his mouth (hypersensitive) also him crunching on ice was stimmy imo

ichigo prefers wearing tight clothes / orihime likes comfy clothes / kazui loves his hoodie!!!

fusiform face area: - ichigo w/ urahara / tatsuki talks abt this too / yumichika / a lot of other ppl including arrancars / idt he ever even met szayel but new oneshot he says wtf is this lmao

cognitive rigidity - ichigo doesnt like fighting unfair n believes firmly in an eye for an eye, byakuya also has this big time

taking things literally oof

kenpachi w a special interest in fighting...perhaps we add him

impulsivity - orihime jumping out windows, ichigo jumping over a fence or wtr bc he thought grandfisher was a person in trouble, kazui hopping out windows (im sorry for the window fixation its just so funny 2 me)

one track mind - ichigo planning to wait all night for ganju to return so they can fight forgetting that hes there to help rukia not double die

overstimulation

not getting social cues right / bad in social situations...self explanatory

routines, lack of eye contact, self isolates

ichigo avoids eye contact w orihime sometimes n its kinda cute hes shy...i noticed he does it a bit more during tybw w hime n i guess its cause hes aware of his feelings or smth at this pt??? not to make things abt romance but i did lfsdjakdjlkdsds he avoids eye contact w other ppl too i promise i just wanted to talk abt this bc its adorable

uneven cognitive profiles - oh big time but with what mister “black swallowtail butterfly” that thinks cutting a hollow into slices like pancakes...adopting u

uh. food stuff. TEXTURE

orihime not realizing her leg hurts much worse than her arm, chad in gen, ichigo going ‘im fine’ with blood pouring down his head

selective mutism and the variations. we know chad doesnt talk much. at all

orihime stress infodumps to ichigo (v cute) n so does mashiro n proceeds to overstimulate kensei in return lol

lots of stimming o: lots of...attention to ppl doing these things kubo...hm!

a lot of interactions simply feel like theyre between two autistic ppl who just. get each other n i like that (ichigo reassuring orihime its not a bad thing to be teh way she is - i think chad reassured ichigo that arc too! as an autie i tear up a lil)

wandering makes me think of hime wandering away from tatsuki after seeing the fireflies or dragonflies(?) / ichigo wandering away from home upon reaching there in tybw myb and him wandering alone by himself without direction at other times also...autism grief is real

scripting (KISUKE the night before becoming captain, v hime of him...what was up w/ that i’m rlly starting to believe he’s the yuzu to kukaku’s karin)

comfort items - hairpins and sub shinigami badge

not knowing their own strength pm? like ichigo using too much power during the invasion of ss n orihime having to tell him that w him responding w sorry D-:

hot heads r us

ichigo has shut downs where only ppl who know him well enough notice imo ive always looked at shutting down as not just smth that happens in one place but smth that u can carry w you all day bc thats just how it was for me going to school as a kid myb its called smth else but id block it all out so i could get thru the day after shutting down n ichigo on the day before his moms death anni felt familiar to me n i rlly like that hime notices hes tense ofc u can write this off as “just depression” but...autistic ppl can be depressed sigh -_-

baby shutdown

orihime def has meltdowns n shut down moments like so reasonably i get if ppl think “anyone would react that way” but its her whos reacting and she is autistic so...yeah haha

miss zone out ok thats all my notes for now later

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[sotorubio]

I know its not the point of the post and is pretty minor but you mentioning Lou using a neutral nickname over the feminine name the teacher says, reminded me of how annoying it was to see how she’s listed in the finale credits. Idk if its a deadname if she’s cis? But it was pretty surprising considering this is supposedly a season about being trans. Even if she’s cis, it still doesn’t sit right that she insisted on using one name and showed distaste for the other (and the gncness of her preference and her character can’t be ignored there) and then its framed just as a nickname? Idk. So many things this season were off.

oh yeah absolutely! i thought so too. like not once was she referred to by her full name by the other characters (at least not that i know of) so it's strange that they still kept that in the credits especially since after hearing lou turn down her "real" name n call herself smth else, isi also introduced themselves as isi (as early as ep 1!) which i thought is pretty significant n speaks volumes abt the importance of lou's name. whether or not it should be considered a deadname i'm not sure since it seems that she's supposed to be read as cis (? maybe. i think so) but cis ppl can be uncomfortable w their given names too & not want to use them or even get them changed so that decision should be respected regardless of gender.

like the whole scene where lou helps isi dress in all the crazy outfits n tries to show them it's okay to be who u are screams "everybody has the right to express themselves however they want" and should be enough to view her name as smth she has chosen for herself bc that's more who she is. her experiences are clearly similar to isi's so her name should get the same treatment.

actually, this is a bit off topic n feel free to stop reading but since we mentioned lou being cis (or not), i wanna bring up my annoyance w this too like... in the first clip she was in i think we all assumed she was also nonbinary? and was going to be a role model for isi or just the sort of person to open that door for isi, a bit like eskild. and yeah she sort of did do that, she was an integral part of isi daring to be themselves more but her gender identity was never brought up at all which is kind of a problem imo regarding the fact that isi's identity was barely explored either.

bc due to the lack of talk abt lou's gender i assume she's supposed to be cis. and i mean not every form of representation has to be explicitly stated on screen but u'd think that if the person helping a nonbinary person live more freely as themselves is also nonbinary, they should mention that... like the whole point of isi & lou's friendship is that they're very similar their experiences overlap, the gnc clothes, just unusual style in general, using a different name, getting judged/or being afraid of judgment for being themselves. so... it would've made sense for lou to be like btw i'm nonbinary n then it starts clicking for isi like wait so the first person who truly understands this side of me and who i relate to is nonbinary? could this say smth abt me?

but bc her identity was never explained she just comes off as a cis gnc girl (and now to make sure everyone here has reading comprehension: i don't mean that being cis is the default for characters or that they can't be trans unless explicitly stated to be so, but the whole paragraph above was me explaining why in the context of this specific season, it doesn't work to make her identity subtext and it should be explicitly stated if she is anything but cis) which makes the nonbinary "rep" in the season seem even worse somehow.

like don't get me wrong ofc nonbinary ppl can have experiences in common with cis or trans gnc ppl but since isi never even said "i think i'm nonbinary" or anything like that it's a bit... annoying that the person they relate to when it comes to gender/gender expression is apparently a cis gnc person. bc then HOW are young nonbinary ppl watching the season supposed to make the distinction for themselves like i relate to this but am i like lou who just wants to be gnc or am i like isi who's trans/or how are uneducated but open minded cis ppl supposed to grasp the difference between gnc ppl and nonbinary ppl*. like i'll be honest here. if i didn't know abt eren's identity, i probably would've thought that isi is a gnc guy for the majority of the season specifically bc they get the support and strength from a gnc cis person. n i'd assume instead of struggling w gender identity they were struggling w gender norms. like they rly should've either confirmed that lou is nonbinary as well OR confirmed that shes cis and had isi talk w her abt how regardless of their similar experiences they actually feel like they're not cis.

*and one more media literacy check point bc i don't wanna have to explain my point over and over again: not all shows have to hold the audience's hand and walk them through the identities of the characters. sometimes u have lgbt characters that just exist and fight monsters or go on adventures w/o ever having a conversation abt the specifics of their identity & experiences but skam has always been an educational show and aimed at young ppl to represent them. from my understanding this is even more significant for druck since funk (?) is funded by taxes & their whole thing is making educational content. so in this context it actually is important to explore the main character's identity.

i'm sorry this got so long especially since half of this had nothing to do w ur original ask but i've been thinking abt the whole cis lou thing n this seemed like a good time to write abt it w/o having to make a whole post abt it

[bugb34r]

A Wide, Extensive List of c!Wilbur Headcannons(TM) (+ some quick Friend hcs-)

Alot of them are not connected, and alot of them are- I'll try to organize it as accessible + readable as possible !!

☁️Pagan!Revivedbur. (I actually created a whole pagan!dsmp thing one time off of this headcannon, might talk more about it some time-). I'd like to think he'd be into candle magic and shit, but overall have a very open path/practice.

⛤Revivedbur openly respects Ghostbur, and clings to the things he left behind.

⛤Revivedbur doesnt bother washing his sweater/getting the blood stain out because its a mix of his own red blood, and Ghostburs blue blood, and he doesnt want that small proof/trace of Ghostbur existing to disappear.

Aka Ghostbur had to live with the pain Revivedbur had and caused, even if he didnt truly accept/understand/know where the pain came from. Revivedbur realized he couldnt even live with all of that, so he just- respects the dude who tried to fix everything he had broke (Or: Im a sucker for Revivedbur and Ghostbur getting along/respecting eachother/etc. and I disregard canon-)

⛤Revivedbur is afraid of water/rain/getting wet, because he remembers it hurting Ghostbur, aka him

⛤Revivedbur uses neos prove me wrong you cant- /lh

⛤Revivedbur says no to gender, and he doesnt like it when ppl use he/him and masc terms for him but for the longest time couldnt figure out why

⛤He ends up talking to Ranboo, and later Fundy, abt it and theyre like "oh lol thats chill" and hes like "omg ok pog"

⛤Revivedbur has the majority of bad memories Ghostbur had forgotten/ignored/blocked out

⛤Revivedbur doesnt talk about Limbo, or his talk with Ghostbur, or that he remembers things from Ghostburs time "alive", but he vague mentions it alot when hes lamenting or upset or smth

☁️Ghostburs limbo isnt the train station, its the train. (Mumza comes onto the train now and then to check on him <33 she did the same with Revivedbur via train aswell)

⛤Following this, when Revivedbur got on the train when he was being yaknow, revived, he sat with Ghostbur the whole time, and the two apologized to eachother for their own reasons, and they just. talked. about everything the other had missed.

⛤Ghostbur finds peace on the train in Limbo. While he isnt happy, hes okay, and thats all that matters

⛤Ghostbur asked Revivedbur to take care of Friend for him

⛤Disregarding Canon, Revivedbur takes care of Friend, and has refused to let anyone so much as touch Friend since hes been alive

⛤Ghostbur didnt get/understand the fake sally at his revival because he knew it wasnt Sally, not because of Ghostburs memory

☁️Friend can visit Ghostbur in Limbo, because she has infinite lives

⛤Friend uses any/all prns including neos because I say so.

⛤Friend is sheep buddies with Rosie (Phils Sheep)

☁️Poly relationship between Wilbur, a Sheep Hybrid, and Sally- Its why Ghostburs so attached to friend, cause they remind him of his old partner

☁️Sally wasnt a fish (i do like hybrid/siren sally but for this im ignoring that-), it was just Wilburs coping mechanism for coming to terms with loosing her. He had to create a fake version of her to be able to talk about her. (The only one who knows this is Fundy, but he learned to go along with it because it keeps Wilbur happy) (the same might also be said for the Sheep Hybrid in this universe- Wilbur just refers to them as a sheep to cope) Also he would definitely jokingly call Sally Ariel

☁️Wilbur is a shapeshifter I don't make the rules- He likes being in his fox form alot, so Fundy like- inherited the Fox bit- (Though Shapeshifter Fundy is also cool-)

⛤Wilbur is a shapeshifter whos three forms are literally limited to a) humanoid Moth, b) Humanoid Fox, and c) A weird mix of both

☁️Wilbur doesn't understand Gender, so when Fundy came out as Trans he was just like "Um. Huh??? Gender??? Trans??? Fundy whats a boy-" IKMJN and Fundy just kinda stared at him before going to Sally because he realized his Dad didn't even know Fundy had had a gender-

☁️Wilbur being tied to the earth through like, godly means? and the Earth is like "hey, no, our prince isnt where he belongs anymore, he must return home to safety <3". Just, the earth loving Wilbur more than anything else, and wanting their prince to be safe- <3 (Earth Deity Wilbur pog???)

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

the person talking abt how they have to hide being queer from their family just like same that hit home so hard, and also same to learning so much abt queer history I started learning from harry and louis (through the bears bc of course, duh) and I took up reading the books rbb and sbb hv had on them and hv been mentioned (judy garland!!) anyway so I learnt sooo much more than like I knew existed? idk if that makes sense and it also made me realise that i hv a lot of internalised homophobia and it does feel incredibly lonely sometimes, because I hv no friends that are out and proud and the group of ppl at my school who are, are so nice and friendly and polite and i love talking to them in the hallways or in class when we get paired up but im so scared of like actually integrating myself into their crowd (the one time i tired to attend a meeting I had a panic attack in the bathroom) and i dont know why im telling u all this

and I dont think ppl fully understand what its like everywhere else in the world because im never going to forget this one time at a party where a girl and her girlfriend got shouted and leered at by all those boys (and their girlfriends who just let it happen, I've literally heard one of those girls talk abt how amazing it is to have a gay best friend) and how when one of them responded back by telling them off for their disgusting behaviour the boys physically started approaching them in a threatening manner

theres also these rumours that circulate sometimes abt why some ppl arent coming to school for days at a time and when they do finally show up they're slightly bruised and its bc [insert person] did smth to them and so many ppl will just casually throw into the conversation their sexuality, like everyone will be talking abt what happened and what they heard and some random dumbass will quip "I heard they're gay" and they'll whisper it, like its forbidden or smth and everyone will nod their heads like yes I understand now, like it fucking makes sense that this happened and it makes me want to punch someone

and its so fucking scary to think abt how these things just happen and ppl pretend they dont see it and everytime someone tells me i can trust an adult i think of the 3 teachers who all passed by a student who was very rainbow (it was pride month) and watched some dude basically bang his shoulder into him and the dude laughed and walked away when the guy in rainbow tripped and they did nothing

and online I see so many ppl talk abt how its ok to be gay in all these big cities and how everyone so open now! and everythigns ok! and yay to gay! gay ppl are privileged! fucking bullshit I say

because all these memories of horrific things come to mind evertyime someone says that and I dont know where ppl are getting the idea its ok everywhere now

and the first time I heard a group of ppl talk abt harry styles in a dress on the cover of vogue i got so excited bc i had secretly gone out and bought my younger brother (he likes to wear dresses and nail polish) a copy and how I had done that so damn discreetly and how damn hard it was to get it to him through my parents to him, it was so exciting and we were !!! jumping for joy and the next day at school some girl by the lockers and she called him queer like it was an insult and that got so deep in my soul and its still there, the way she said it, the way she phrased it

and im sorry this is so long ik that persons post wasnt even abt how ppl say thats 'its cool to be gay now' and that it still very much isnt but it got that out of me and u dont hv to read all this im just having a bad day im sorry :((

i hope u hv a good day tho ella u're lovely and v kind nd u make me happier and i love reading ur thoughts and I'll stop typing now <3

kind anon!! i wanna hug you so tight!!!!!

i'm so sorry you're in a place rn where you don't feel safe, where you aren't safe, where people around you are actively hostile. truly truly sorry.

you're right, the world has not caught up at all, it's a nonexistent reality that being queer has been accepted, let alone embraced everywhere. hell, i live in brussels and if i hold a girl's hand we're gaped at. when i first wore my pride pin on my bag i was terrified. when i lived in my smaller town growing up it was very much like how you describe it (tho less violent, thankfully, which really breaks my heart to read about your situation).

it can be a lonely place to grow up, and really hateful, and you saying you have a lot of internalised homophobia also hits home for me. i'm still unlearning every day. it's all the hostility surrounding us that makes us conform so as not to be the target of it, yk. nothing to ever be ashamed of, bc it's not our fault we were raised to hate ourselves.

same with the queer ppl in your neighborhood, don't be ashamed of being afraid. take your time, go at your own pace, and slowly take some steps towards them. it'll be worth your while, but i know it can be scary. be kind to yourself above all <3

you sound like a wonderful sibling to your brother - goes to show how we'll always find a way to stick together and find our role models, despite the limits others put up!!

stay queer (laudatory), baby!!!

[butterscotch-brigade]

ive been thinking abt all the edgy creepypasta ideas i had when i was like 12 so heres an assortment of the ones i vividly remember wanting to write but didnt (thankfully)

i was rly into pokepastas PARTICULARLY hypnos lullaby (which, side tangent, is still rly good imo the best creepypastas r the ones that are short and just open ended enough for u to draw ur own conclusions). but ANYWAY i wanted to write a story abt what hypno does to the ppl he kidnaps and for SOME fucking reason my hc was that he ATE them???? and ik hypno doesnt even have a mouth but i drew edgy fanart of him w a big sharp toothed grin bc i was like "oooohh what if THATS the reason he doesnt show his mouth???" and it was. something alright

SPEAKING of pokepastas. i always thot sableye had a creepy design (which i still do but i LIKE that its creepy and think its also cute too) so i desperately wanted to write smth creepy abt it. so i looked in its pokedex and it mentioned how they eat gems BUT. theyre also MADE of gems. so my edgy 12 year old brain was like "OH MY GODDDD WHAT IF......CANNIBALISM" and i tried to draw fanart of it but my drawing skills werent that good yet so i gave up skskdkdk

the last pokepasta idea i had was one where like.....a person would be playing a Haunted Pokémon Cartridge with their friend BUT!!! the game would only target the person playing, the person watching wouldnt be able to see all the creepy shit happening. so the player would be like "DUDE HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKIN POKEMON IS COVERED IN BLOOD" and the friend would have been like "huh???" and i thot this was SUCH a good idea for some reason until i found this one youtuber who read pokepastas and gave his thoughts and critiques at the end and he read a pasta that had the EXACT same concept i had in my mind and he said it was shitty. so bc i internalized everything ppl i liked on the internet said i took that as "oh ok ig its a stupid idea then" and yknow what? they were right

i stopped playing toontown at this point but i figured bc a lot of video game creepypastas are abt childhood games i wanted to make one abt a game from my childhood (even tho i was. still a child). so i wanted to make this toontown creepypasta where like. the games icon would be mad at me and then when i played the game i was in donalds dock (which i thot was the perfect setting for creepy shit bc it was foggy ig???) and i SPECIFICALLY remember wanting to write a scene where like. my toon got into a fight w a cog and they did this attack called "glower power" which was basically supposed to be a play on the term "glaring daggers at someone" bc the cog would just shoot knives out of their eyes at u and it looked like this

and normally in game the knives dont actually hit u but my Big Idea was gonna be that the knives fuckin. just EMBEDDED themselves in my toon???? and like my toon didnt bleed hyperrealistic blood or anything BUT. it would just walk around w the knives stuck inside of it which is SO fuckin funny now that i think abt it again. like can u imagine playing Disney's Toontown Online and just seeing a fuckin toon walk around w knives just casually buried into its character model. anyway idk what else i wanted to do for that one

so the last idea i can remember is a fuckin. sonic creepypasta. and i had JUST found out what a yandere was so i wanted to make a story where amy rose was a yandere who kidnapped sonic and broke his legs so he couldnt run away. out of all of these im the most glad i didnt write this one in particular

thats all i can remember i will update if i can recall any more