#but its not just gubmints

[arvidsgarden]

"President Joe Biden on Monday issued an executive order banning US government agencies from using invasive commercial hacking tools that are deemed a threat to US national security or are implicated in human rights abuses.

Pressure has grown in recent weeks on the administration to do more to curb the use of the hacking tools among fellow democracies following press reports that multiple European governments have used spyware on their citizens. A bipartisan group of US lawmakers wrote to Secretary of State Antony Blinken this month urging him to form an “international coalition” to combat spyware."

[vvatchword]

Reading BioShock: Rapture (Part 6: Frank Fontaine: Funny He-He Clown Man)

<- Part 5: Three Old Men Jerking Their Milk Sticks || Back to the Beginning || Part 7: Shadow Eve ->

By Chapter 2, Shirley finally introduces a few antagonists—Fontaine, as well as G-men doing the world’s worst surveillance.

If you’re hoping for tension,

stop.

hope is a lie and this book is its grave

I Would Like to Feel Anything Please

This chapter opens on Sullivan trying to shake a G-man and failing. Apparently it doesn’t matter because he goes ahead and meets with a character called Ruben Greavy, head engineer for the Wales brothers. I’m assuming that Greavy was originally the city designer before Wales & Wales had to be worked in.

I was most interested in the G-man because I keep looking for antagonists. Ryan has a goal, right? In literally any story anywhere, there would be obstacles the protag has to overcome. One might reasonably conclude that government institutions are Andrew Ryan’s greatest foes. They have the power to stop him through legislation and force: it doesn’t matter how much money you have if your enemy can mobilize the fucking Army.

Who else has the power to stop Ryan? Probably other industry tycoons. In Ayn Rand’s fiction, company presidents commonly ally with each other and the government to stymie the goals of her Ubermensch.

Although present, Fontaine is a small-time crook and motivated in other directions and is thus a non-issue.

As it turns out, I shouldn’t have been excited to see the G-men. After info-dumping a thousand things we either already know or could read in more interesting ways, Sullivan says this:

“Maybe they’ll get a warrant after all. I don’t think they’d find anything illegal.”

So you’re saying there’s no threat.

We are in Chapter 2, on page thirty-fucking-nine, and THERE ARE STILL NO STAKES.

But Preferably Not Indignation

At this point, it’s not about not knowing who Ryan’s enemies are. Functionally, I don’t think they exist. While Shirley invokes entire government institutions, like the FBI or IRS, they literally have nothing to do and no reason to be there.

Moreover, the Olympian—Ryan’s yacht—is namedropped. Which is when I realized that it was being used as a cargo ship.

Wait a fucking minute.

Look, I don’t know shit about boats, but can you really use a yacht like that? Like to ship big ol city parts? Why would you do that? I mean there’s a certain poetic quality in, say, stripping the guts out of your pleasure yacht to bend it to base labor, but we all know Shirley didn’t think that far.

(grumbles to self. angrily notates “research midcentury yacht models and cargo ships”)

Salty — Today at 10:22 AM No, yachts can’t be used like that watchword — Today at 10:23 AM "I found this out in 1 minute Shirley" thank you I figured the design mattered Salty — Today at 10:23 AM It does You’d need some kind of crane to lower things into the water and there’s no way a yacht could take that shit without being built not like a yacht

So it turns out that Andrew Ryan has sent his chief of security personally down to the docks to confirm the time it leaves like he’s some kind of little messenger drone. Somewhere in the proceeding info-dump, Sullivan tells Greavy to leave with all of the building supplies in his ship as soon as possible in case the G-men want to raid them, even though there’s nothing illegal going on. Their reasoning is that they don’t want the US government to learn even a scrap of information about what they’re doing.

Or what? What would they fucking do? There are no laws about shipping out giant city parts. I suppose it could be framed as Ryan being paranoid, but Shirley always explains what characters are doing to the nth degree, and there’s no such explanation here.

Also, and I don’t know why this isn’t being used: the world was fucking flattened after World War II. Shipping building supplies makes a lot of fucking sense. Just tell the gubmint that you’re selling them to France or something. “Aw, yeah, Uncle Sam. You know how much the French like glass tubes. Gonna put all the filthy tourists in there like hamsters so they don’t touch anything. When you get troublemakers you just close the bulkheads and fill them with water.”

Besides, all you have to do is tell the gubmint what you’re shipping off with. It’s for records to be checked against the port that receives the shipment to make sure there’s no funny business. What I don’t remember is if you have to declare what port you’re going to—I suspect that would be the case—but I mean. LIE? This is your life’s work. LIE.

Finally, New York is one of the busiest and biggest ports in the nation. Why would anyone be looking that closely at one more cargo ship? Paperwork back then was even more annoying and difficult to grok than it is today. Imagine the volume for a port like New York’s.

Just fucking LIE.

The real point of this scene is so there can be an exposition dump. Shirley couldn’t just send a messenger who didn’t know what was going on—he needed two people who were In the Know. The important part isn’t entertainment, it’s information: unnecessary and uninteresting exposition about Rapture’s political and economic goals, why they’re shipping supplies the way they are, and the US government, all despite the characters involved being intimately knowledgeable of the situation. Also, they’re about 75% through with the entire escapade, so if this conversation ever occurred at all, you’d think it would be months in the past. The G-man is an attempt at escalation, but then Shirley immediately de-escalates by saying he’s powerless.

So, just to reiterate:

Sullivan tries to shake a tail, fails, and doesn’t care because it doesn’t matter. He shows up at a ship containing building materials for Rapture, meets Greavy, and they lecture each other back and forth about subjects they should already know to summarize a bunch of events we should have seen. As an afterthought, Sullivan tells Greavy he showed up in person to confirm the time the ship leaves instead of calling because the phones are probably tapped. Sullivan will leave before the ship leaves so he won’t actually know the time to confirm with his boss. This particular ship is one of multiple ships and represents only one of multiple shipments—there’s nothing remarkably special about it. They’re not in any danger in any way and there’s nothing the USA can do legally to stop them. End scene.

How the hell is anything this bad.

How.

There should really be like twenty chapters for every one of BioShock: Rapture’s, each explaining how we got here. Because instead of sharing the exciting cat-and-mouse shit, Shirley writes about the outcomes where everything is settled.

This is how our reflections write in the mirror universe.

I have read fanfiction by fans of every age and fluency level and ability. Most of it was trash, but it could be excused because they were young or new or amateur writers, and even then, they’re often excited about a concept and trying really hard and might have some neat thoughts to share.

This… this is on a whole different level.

Writing Is Hard (and Caring Is Harder)

The reason for this is, of course, that Shirley would have had to research several different subjects to write about them in any depth, and time was of the essence. In fact, I am now 100% convinced that everything here is done in a mad effort to save effort, which sounds as delightful as it is.

The elements he thinks to research are absurd. I am now sure that he doesn’t know how to rank research subjects by importance. He does not research, say, the histories of the IRS or the FBI or corporate espionage. No, he researches “how to install a toilet” and “historical boxing.” He’s most often focused on physical processes or what things look like—not on what people do or why they do them.

I have a new bet for you: that each chapter will be like a little push-pin in a plot point. None of them will be married meaningfully to any of the other plot points. They will be little islands in time and rely on the reader to insert connective tissue. This will essentially be a disjointed short story collection, except without any tension whatsoever, because they’re just summaries of larger stories that we never see.

Shrug

Let’s contrast this burning sludge puddle with a different burning sludge puddle: Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. This is a fitting contrast as Rapture is a callback to Galt’s Gulch.

The protagonist, Dagny Taggart, discovers Galt’s Gulch (libertarian paradise and Aryan summer camp) in Part 3, roughly 60% through the book. In my paperback, Part 3 begins on page 643, and the story ends on page 1,069 (nice). The font is like 6 points. I can’t stress enough how dense this book is.

Rand spends ungodly amounts of time and detail lingering on her enemies—politicians and company presidents and whiny family members. She waxes eloquent on the destructive side of selflessness. Over the course of an eternity, she displays in slow, evolving detail how that world fucks her characters over, despite all their best efforts. And oh—they struggle. They fight!

When Dagny ends up in Galt’s Gulch, staring straight into the face of Objectivist Jesus, she has been through hell, and it feels like a relief: like she’s finally free.

Galt’s Gulch was not a given—it was a process.

Rapture deserves the same build-up. The build-up is the story, you understand?

BioShock: Rapture is like a romance novel that skips all its character building and sex sequences to leap straight into post-coital snuggling. It’s not half as interesting or meaningful if you don’t include all of the pining and rage and frustration and explicit dicking.

Funny He-He Clown Man

Oh, Frank Fontaine. They done did u dirty.

Hey, hypothetical reader, I’m gonna ask you something: what do you think when you hear "Frank Fontaine"? Do you think of a funny little clown man who changes into costumes every ten seconds like a malicious Bugs Bunny? Because that’s what we have here. And, like everything else in this shapeless abortion, I hate it.

Generally, when I write a character who’s not my own, I say: “What is most interesting about this guy?” And I go for some neat character trait or behaviorism and then expand. Everything about that person fractals off of their base personality, psychology, behaviorisms, internal worlds, and past experiences.

Of course, that character doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so you know what else I do? I look at how they’re utilized in the source material, I ask what exactly the source material is, and I examine what the story was originally trying to do.

Characters Are Limited

Since the Beginning of Time, it has been popular in fandoms to act performatively enraged about how each and every character in a piece of media is not fully-fleshed out and explored to the last quark of the final atom.

First, that’s not how narratives work. Stories have to be limited by their natures: we are limited to this time, this space, this person, these concerns, these events. Material can only stretch so far, and characters can only intersect so long. It’s impossible to touch on every single concern and detail of your world, and if you attempt it, you’ll carefully hand-craft an unreadable clusterfuck.

Second, a character is not a person. A character is a slave to the narrative. They are an ingredient and a tool. Even if they’re the complete focal point of the story, you cannot possibly fully explore them. They do not have full human lives or sapience. They only have what they are given. As inhuman objects and creative constructs, they are also not worthy of the same respect as a real human being. can you believe I have to say that

Third, it’s not important to have a fully-rounded character because that’s not always what the story requires. There are all kinds of different stories outside of character-driven ones—for example, focal points might be on themes, ideas, settings, or vast periods of time, and not on people at all; sometimes the narrative as a whole is more important than the characters inside of them; sometimes the style and POV limits how much we can know; sometimes it’s simply more entertaining or informative to omit certain information; and so on.

There are many ways to be interesting, and there are many ways to string along a series of plot points, and characters are just more tools in the toolbox. Instead of raking a narrative across the coals for not meeting your standards, it’s far more sensible to ask what the narrative is and what it’s trying to do, then judge it according to the standards it was trying to meet.

The Fountainhead

Sometimes a character works best if we don’t know that much about them. In my opinion, Frank Fontaine is one of these. He has a limited efficacy and only in specific situations.

How is Fontaine used in BioShock? Sparingly, that’s how. And when he finally shows up as ringleader, it’s to head what is arguably the weakest part of the game. Suddenly you have to look straight at him for a couple of hours, and he’s just not that interesting under a spotlight. He’s a small-time crook who won the lottery; what made him interesting was the Atlas con and his friction with Andrew Ryan, and both are over. He’s not that big of a deal in and of himself. He doesn’t really have any power other than ADAM—and of course, that’s the point.

Fontaine is not a character with an arc. He can’t change and he wouldn’t work very well if he did. In fact, he’s not really a character at all—he’s an anthropomorphized human quality. One of the alternate meanings of “frank” is “honesty” or “truth”; “Fontaine,” or “fountain,” probably refers to Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead.

“What is the fountainhead—the source—of the Ubermensch?” Rand asks.

Levine replied: “What is the fountainhead of Objectivism?”

If Objectivism got everything it wanted, what would its world really look like? Because it wouldn’t be Galt’s Gulch or Rapture in its heyday.

Frank Fontaine is the ultimate culmination of Objectivist theory—not Andrew Ryan. The guy who wins doesn’t have to have any laudable moral qualities at all—all he has to be is the strongest or most cunning. The best idea or product doesn’t necessarily succeed because Objectivism isn’t about quality—you can just get steamrolled into bullshit because some company has more resources and social currency than the innovative little guy. If all you value is strength, all you will receive is the strong, and that strongman does not have any incentive to be anything other than a flesh-tearing, blood-drinking brute.

One of BioShock’s best qualities is how it just lets Fontaine sort of exist quietly in the background, like the faint, tense hum of an electric wire. You see evidence of him. You see what people think of him. But you never actually see him. The mystery is part of his power. Pre-twist, you only hear his voice once, and it’s probably utilized as a red herring in case you started to doubt Atlas’ identity. After all, Atlas is Irish, and Fontaine is from New York or something! You can trust Atlas!

But Can You Trust Shirley?

what the fuck do you think

I thought of just ending here and letting you figure it out but I believe this deserves just a little explication.

In Chapter 2, Fontaine—going by the surname Gorland—waltzes in, front and center, and with all the flare of a supervillain descending from on high, steals some loser’s shitty-ass bar.

“Whatta hell ya mean you’re the owner, Gorland?” … “…You’re about to sign this bar over to me, is whatta hell.” … Merton stared at the papers, eyes widening. “That was you? Hudson Loans? Nobody told me that was—” “A loan is a loan. What I seem to recall is, you were drunk when you signed it. Needed some money to pay off your gambling vig. A big fucking vig it was too, Merton!”

Fontaine got a guy drunk and made him sign something. Is this supposed to impress me?

I cut a ton of needless bullshit out and I still didn’t cut as much as I should have. (A “vig” is a gambling debt, so “gambling” is redundant, among other things.) What shitty dialogue this is. I told you, McDonagh isn’t the only one you should be cringing at. Shirley is terrified you won’t understand him so he makes sure to explain every point three times over.

When Levine writes “CIA spook” or “das vedanya,” it’s not to prove his work. It’s there because it makes sense there. When Shirley uses a specific term, it’s to show off. It’s like a little kid running up to show you that he finished a question on his homework. Except he does it every time he finishes something. And he’s always wrong somehow.

“Vig” in particular got me.

“Vig, you know! Yeah I looked it up! Vig! A gambling debt! Bet you’ve never heard that before! I researched! See! Vig!”

I will find your thesaurus, tear each page out one by one, and eat them in front of you without breaking eye contact. You will see me when you get up at midnight for a drink of water, slowly crunching in the dark. When you call the police I will evaporate. All that will be left is the hardcover, tented over a single dead roach pinned to the floor. At night you will hear me whispering from the walls: “haaaaaaaack”

Cynicism, Nihilism, Gnosticism, Humanism

Frank Fontaine is the most cynically written of all the characters thus far. He’s the one with the most obvious To-Do List.

“What do I need to establish about Frank Fontaine?” Shirley asked himself. “Let’s see: he is a conman. He is a great actor. He needs to find out about Rapture and get there somehow. He’s a super-awful guy. I should establish his background, motivations, and how he learned his skills. I know! He lived in a vaudeville theater!”

All right, all right. Let me be fair. I would bet money that Levine is the source of that background bit—BioShock features a million stages for a reason that I will someday write about at length—but god I hate it. I was in one-act play and I have watched hundreds of films but it doesn’t mean I know how to act. Isn’t it enough that Fontaine learns to manipulate others, perhaps out of a sense of childish self-preservation before evolving into predation? Does it have to be a big show?

…yes, I guess. Fuck. Because gnosticism.

Gnosticism is one of those BioShock themes that I least expected in this novel because it is a pure thought exercise and exists on several metaphorical levels. I’m sure Shirley has been informed of its existence, but we all know how he’ll handle it (he can’t lol). All you need to know about gnosticism is that it’s a philosophy that believes the physical environment is a broken copy of a higher reality. Even though the physical realm is fucked, it can still point toward a higher truth. In other words, you can learn from the physical world’s half-truths to achieve gnosis—knowledge of that ultimate spiritual truth—and thereby ascend to that higher spiritual plane.

But Ken Levine has a different take on ascension.

According to Levine, you learn by going through the horrors of life, but the truth is not some beatific vision. There is no god and there is no better world: there is Only Man. All you learn is that human beings hurt each other, and that they won’t ever stop, and to survive, you must go to war yourself—whether you like it or not. In the process, you struggle toward an understanding of how to make a better world, but there’s a catch: you have committed all kinds of harm out of ignorance. By committing that harm, you have ensured that the damage goes on… and on… and on.

No human being can avoid this.

Nobody can just TELL you how to make a better world—it’s far too big and complicated a place, and it’s always changing. You have to experience it for yourself to understand how it works. That means you can’t take your knowledge to others, either—because not only can future generations not understand you, your own knowledge is highly individual, and the world is continually changing so that you’re always one step behind. Future generations have to make their own mistakes in their own unique settings to figure out how best to live. In the process, they fuck up the future in a whole new way.

Everyone thinks they’re going through hell looking for heaven, but it turns out it’s always been about this fucked-up world and this fucked-up present with its fucked-up people. All you can do is your best with what you know.

The way Levine illustrates this is that art and artifice performatively point toward that ultimate higher truth: there is no escape, and we are destined to hurt ourselves and future generations in an unbreakable cycle. BioShock is existential horror at its heart, and it’s the best kind—the humanist kind.

So, thematically speaking, Fontaine being a literal performer, acting for our education and elevation, is correct. If you pay attention to the game, every character functions this way. Everything is a performance for your benefit as player. I have to admit that it makes sense. Plus, other than working retail, entertainment is a great way to learn how to hate the human race.

I still hate it. I want Fontaine to be more grounded, I guess. Every time I imagine him in a theater I cackle a little.

Cardboard People

Returning to BioShock: Rapture, the first problem with Fontaine’s section is that he doesn’t feel like a person. I don’t get a sense of his past, even when it’s explicitly mentioned. I bring up Fontaine’s past because people do what they do based on a complicated play of psychological need and lessons learned to survive past environments.

Alas: Fontaine is a one-note mustache-twirler. He wants to get money why? To get more money. Not to survive, not to defy the privations of his past, not to take vengeance on an uncaring world, not to bang girls, not to buy cool shit. He just fucks people up because that’s what he does.

Also, despite being a petty criminal, he seems above and beyond the law somehow. I’m not afraid for him when that G-man from earlier walks into his bar.

…oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s still my optimism talking. I keep expecting this book to work like a book. This thing is the hairy knot you find at the bottom of a drain.

Anyway, the second problem with Fontaine is that the entire story works to his benefit, and it’s immediately ludicrous. Instead of giving Fontaine problems to solve—and giving Andrew Ryan ways to work against him—you know, like real human beings with brains—Shirley just throws information and idiots at Fontaine constantly.

Allow me to illustrate.

Frank Fontaine gets his bar by drugging a guy who is dumb with or without intoxication. Fontaine wanted this bar so he could listen into bar patrons’ conversations for hot tips on gambling and grifts. When does this pay off?

guess

If you said, “Immediately!”, Fuck You! You are correct!

[Fontaine] wiped at an imaginary spill on the bar, edging closer. “But can we count on Steele?” said the one some called Twitchy. He twitched his pencil-thin mustache. “Thinks he’s going to challenge the Bomber next year…” “So let him challenge; he can lose one fight. He needs the payoff, needs it big,” said the chunkier one of the two, “Snort” Bianchi—with a snort.

is this a joke

This is one place I am not sure of Shirley’s intentions. Is it supposed to be bad? Is it supposed to be funny? Is he making fun of me or is he just dumb enough to think this is clever?

What I think this dialogue and these characters represent is Shirley’s attempt to complement BioShock's audio diaries. Again, we hit that divide between the ways stories are best told through different mediums. BioShock’s audio diaries are the literary equivalents of bullion cubes. That’s because you experience dialogue sparingly in a video game, and most content is wrapped up in gameplay, so you’ve got to get your whole idea across as quickly and densely as possible.

It’s for this reason that every BioShock character is an outsized caricature. In the same way that Fontaine is a symbol of Objectivism in its purest form (let's face it, the fountainhead of Man with a capital M), McDonagh is Andrew Ryan’s conscience, and Andrew Ryan is Man falling for the lies of the demiurge. Jasmine Jolene—whom we will see in Chapter 3—represents untenable fantasy.

Oh, and Shadow Eve.

Y’all wanna talk about Shadow Eve? I do. There's only like three of us reading this and I'm counting myself so I'm assuming the vote is unanimous.

Long story short, Shirley doesn’t understand the differences between video game narratives and literary ones, and this fact is probably going to hurt me until the end of this entire broken endeavor.

Shirley also feels like he needs to show Fontaine at work at all times. In his mind, Fontaine is nothing but cons 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Shirley only knows what people do; he doesn’t know why they do anything.

In any case, Fontaine shoos off the Great Value Mobsters, for he has spotted our G-man from earlier, a man named Voss. It appears that Voss is looking for informations.

[Voss] leaned across the bar so he could be heard over the noise. “Word on the street is, this here’s your joint now.”

Originally, I had been reading this quickly, only to run into this paragraph and get terribly confused. Like damn, word travels fast, it’s been 30 minutes and everybody already knows this is Fontaine’s bar?

I had to go back and re-read. The passage of time is suggested somewhere in the info-dump that tells you everything about Fontaine instead of growing him organically over a generous period. It’s done terribly but at least it happened.

Voss crooked a finger, leaned even farther across the bar. Gorland hesitated—then he leaned close. Voss spoke right in his ear. “You hear anything about some kind of big, secret project happening down at the docks? Maybe bankrolled by Andrew Ryan? North Atlantic project? Millions of bucks flowing out to sea…?” “Nah,” Gorland said…. “What kinda deal’s he up to?” “That’s something we don’t… something you don’t need to know.”

haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaack

In any case, Fontaine has it in mind that if there are millions of dollars flowing out to sea, he wants in on it somehow.

He didn’t hear anything about Ryan for a couple of days, but one day he heard a drunk blond chippie muttering about “Mr. Fatcat Ryan… goddamn him…” as she frantically waved her empty glass at him. “Hey wherezmuh drinkie?” demanded the blonde.

oh…………. oh this is a hate crime

Have you ever heard of Born Yesterday (1950)? Go watch a clip and listen to the actress, Judy Holliday. Her voice is what I hear in my mind. Except in Born Yesterday the protag is a human being and not a one-dimensional cutout with tits. And Born Yesterday is perfectly representative of its time so the fact it’s outclassing a writer in 2011 is shameful. The only question I have left about this book is, “Who cannot dunk on John Shirley?”

Now I think I understand Shirley a little better. I’m going to give him the benefit of a doubt and assume that we are looking at this crying woman through Fontaine’s eyes, and that this is not reality, but his fucked-up perspective.

You know how I was talking about the relationship between third-person limited POV and bedrock reality? This is one of those breakdowns. In third-person limited, we can see inside of one person, but nobody else. They occupy a world limited by their bias, but that world operates outside of them according to its own logic, which our Subject may or may not be able to comprehend truthfully. There should be clear divisions between what the Subject knows and perceives versus what is happening outside of them. When outside characters speak, or outside events occur, the reader should be assured that they really occurred in the ways they are shared. Otherwise there’s nothing solid to latch onto.

But I’ve got to be honest: I don’t know if this is intentional or not. I have never questioned point-of-view this way in my life. How much have I taken for granted in my tiny span? How do you learn to do something like this so, so badly?

This is John Shirley. We taught him wrong, as a joke.

Of course he wears all black and a goofy hat. Then he sucked all the contrast out until he was clothed in void. Does he think he’s a warlock

Long story short, this POV shit feels like madness to me. Should prose cause seasickness? The way this book is fucked up is one of the most unique experiences I’ve ever had. Although I’m learning a great deal from it, I also hate this experience. And I hate John Shirley.

“I’ll have a Scotch if I can’t have my man back,” she sobbed, “that’s what I’ll have! Dead, dead, dead, and no one from that Ryan crew is saying why.”

Ms. Ogyny the Exposition Whore has managed to interest me despite my deep loathing. I spy a mystery!

Coincidentally, this is why Fontaine’s sections tend to be the most interesting: he’s actively trying to figure things out where other characters just kind of hover in time and space.

New Reasons for Me to Feel an Unearned Sense of Superiority

Some of Shirley’s idiosyncrasies start popping out here because I’ve had some time to suffer under his patterns, much like a player getting their ass handed to them under an Elden Ring boss. For example, he sticks dialogue inside of descriptive paragraphs, and he thinks “went on” is an acceptable dialogue tag. I thought that was a fucking error until it happened the second time.

(✿◠‿◠)ノ.❀。• *₊°。I still think it is a fucking error ❀。• *₊°。 ❀

In my opinion, dialogue can be stuck with a descriptive scene, but it should be limited to the speaker’s actions alone. The implication is that the speaker is performing an action while speaking. Shirley will just slap dialogue into a paragraph with multiple actors and let the reader sort it out.

The reason why this is a problem is that it becomes questionable who the speaker is until you find a subject-verb or infer from context clues. Also, the longer the descriptive sequence, the more you have to think about the time taken to say the sentence as the character is performing the action.

You do not want your work to feel like this:

This is where I noted another little idiosyncrasy: every time Shirley does any research, he regurgitates it almost wholly undigested. Here, in an example from the prologue, he discusses the outfit of a Red Army soldier:

“Father,” Andrei whispers, in Russian, turning to look at a tall lean man in a long green coat with red epaulets, a black hat, a rifle slung over his shoulder. “Is that man one of the Red Guard?”

“in Russian” no shit

“Oh, that’s perfectly reasonable,” you may protest.

Then how about this sequence in Chapter 2, where he talks about boxers:

The talk at the crowded bar tonight was full of how Joe Louis, the Brown Bomber, back from the war with a pocketful of nothing and a big tax debt, was going to defend his world heavyweight title against Billy Conn. And how the retired Jack Johnson, first Negro to win the heavyweight champ title, had died two days before in a car accident. None of which was what Gorland needed to know.

(✿◠‿◠)ノ.❀。• *₊°。then why the fuck did you mention it ❀。• *₊°。 ❀

My chief complaint about the first set of descriptors is the list of prepositional phrases and weak adjectives and verbs. It’s a lot of talk with no power or aim. Additionally, Shirley just wrote about a dozen other people while mentioning their appearances so briefly that they might as well have been plywood standees, so a thoughtfully colorized soldier jumps out like a cat in a shitty horror film. That said, if you’re not a picky bastard, it may not bother you.

But the second one is outright incorrect. None of these historical people or subjects have anything to do with Fontaine’s current aims, nor with what he does next. It’s just there to prove that Shirley did research. If anything, it shows Shirley’s weakness: he doesn’t know how to smoothly blend research into his work.

This description is like stirring your cookie batter three times and calling it done, then spooning out a big lump of baking powder.

Shirley just put that shit in the oven.

“I just want my Irving back,” she said, her head sagging down over the drink. Lucky the song coming on the juke was a Dorsey and Sinatra crooner, soft enough he could make her out. “Jus’ wannim back.” He absentmindedly poured a couple more drinks for the sailors at her side, their white caps cocked rakishly as they argued over bar dice and tossed money at him. “What became of the unfortunate soul?” Gorland asked, pocketing the money and wiping the bar. “Lost at sea was he?” She gawped at him. “How’d you know that, you a mind reader?” Gorland winked. “A little fishy told me.”

gross

God, this paragraph is ugly and I hate it. Shirley splits the lady’s dialogue, part of which butts up against Fontaine and two sailors and causes a moment of cognitive dissonance. Shirley is ridiculously specific as to the song playing when “soft crooner” would have sufficed. The true note of interest—the data that Fontaine is sniffing out—skitters around the outsized imagery like a stupid cartoon creature.

Shirley does have a strength, and it’s in visuals. I can see and feel and smell this bar. Unfortunately, his visuals are static and progress little to nothing. Also, from what I can tell, it’s his only skill, unless causing headaches is desirable.

Also, before I leave this part, I want to clarify that there’s no problem with mentioning historical events, organizations, music, speech, people, etc, in your historical novel, and in fact you should, but if that description is at the expense of your plot, you have erred.

In any case, Fontaine asks this unfortunate caricature of womanhood what happened to her beloved. Shirley writes a long and embarrassing paragraph of dialogue that cannot end soon enough, and when it does end, it’s like this:

“Well, I went over to the place that hired him, Seaworthy Construction they was called—and they threw me out! Treated me like I was some kinda tramp! All I wanted was what was comin’ to me… I came out of South Jersey, and let me tell you, we get what we’re owed ’cause…” She went on in that vein for a while, losing the Ryan thread.

You lazy fucking bastard.

This is not the first time Shirley has ended a paragraph like this, either.

A Visual Depiction of the Dismount

Look, there are graceful ways to ease out of dialogue. Shirley doesn’t care what they are. Dialogue stands between him and a description of a “zoot-suiter [putting] a bebop number on the juke.” Do I care about that, sir? I do not. How about Andrew Ryan? How about Rapture? How about

Fontaine Shapeshift Moments Numbers 4, 5, & 6

One of Shirley’s responsibilities as writer is that he needs to illustrate the kind of person that Fontaine is. As far as I’m concerned, he’s done it several times over. It is abundantly clear that Fontaine is an asshole, and it’s clear what kind of asshole he is, even if he is kinda boring. Now that Fontaine has the Rapture thread, you would expect for him to follow that, because that’s what I’m reading this book for.

Obviously, that’s why Shirley takes Fontaine to a boxing ring! Because it is time to throw a fight! After all, we must follow up on that Great Value Mobster thread! We care so much about that! My heart throbs with anticipation! About Twitchy and Snorts!

See, Shirley did not illustrate one specific trait of Fontaine’s, and he thinks it’s important enough to digress to it: Fontaine’s ability to shapeshift, as it were.

“My name’s Lucio Fabrici,” Gorland said, tying Steele’s glove’s nice and tight. “Bianchi sent me.” … “Fabrici” had gone to great lengths for this disguise. The pinstripe suit, the toothpick stuck in the corner of his mouth, the spats, the toupee, the thin mustache—a high quality theatrical mustache carefully stuck on with spirit gum. But mostly it was his voice, just the right Little Italy intonation, and that carefully tuned facial expression that said, We’re pals, you and I, unless I have to kill you.

Wait. Was “spirit gum” called that in 1946? Oh, I don’t care.

It’s worth mentioning that I have noted two black characters so far—the boxer from the historical infodump and Steele’s trainer, who Fontaine paid to scram—and Shirley doesn’t let the trainer talk. And you know what? Given how he writes dialogue, that’s probably the safest option.

After Fontaine throws the thrown fight, he goes to his bookie operation.

[Fontaine] walked over to Morry, to have a gander at the take, and heard a couple of the dockworkers talking over their flask. “Sure, Ryan’s hiring big down there. It’s a hot ticket, pal, big paydays. But problem is—real QT stuff. Can’t talk about the job. And it’s dangerous too. Somewhere out in the North Atlantic, Iceland way…”

First of all, there’s the unnecessary description. Can’t we just assume that Fontaine walked somewhere? What does that add to the narrative? Use stronger imagery or take that shit out. That’s literally your only skill and now you’re fucking that up, too.

Second of all, split the dialogue off, why do you keep sticking it to random fucking descriptions.

Third of all, how does the entire fucking world not know what Andrew Ryan is doing? Half of what Fontaine has learned has been from overhearing random people. It’s like the whole universe is conspiring to help Fontaine out, and it’s getting a little weird, I’m gonna be honest. Every time I randomly overhear people it’s things like grocery lists and brain-dead political takes. When will I overhear where to find one million dollars

Then there’s how Fontaine reacts when he overhears this information. This sentence immediately follows the paragraph above:

[Fontaine] slipped outside by the side door and set himself to wait.

He literally says nothing to anyone. He just leaves. He’s just had an intense exposition-filled conversation with his employees and then he’s like whoops bye bitches fuck your lives

Look at how fucking pathetic this sentence is, too. “Set himself to wait”? I actually double-checked this after an edit because I was sure I’d inserted a typo. No, it’s just this bland.

This whole sequence was almost certainly written at a sprint. Words and phrases are weak as shit—no emotional power, no visual or spatial sense, no movement. There are no smooth transitions and, quite naturally, no tension. It’s just one domino falling after another. You wanna take a moment and think?

NO.

RUN BITCH.

RUN

Fontaine follows the deckhands until they reach their ship—the Olympian.

Gorland tilted his hat so the G-man wouldn’t see his face and strolled over, hands in his pockets, weaving a bit, making like he was drunk.

There’s some more embarrassing tryhard dialogue but you can read it yourself.

“Making like he was drunk.” jesus christ are you even trying

The only important part is the deckhand arguing with an officer.

“I just ain’t shipping out to that place again, and that’s all there is to it,” snarled the deckhand in the black peacoat. … “I don’t mind being on the ship—but in that hell down below, not me!” “There’s no use trying to say you’ll only take the job if you stay on the ship—it’s what Greavy says that goes! If he says you go down, you go down!” “Then you go down in my place—and you wrestle with the devil! It’s unholy, what he’s tryin’ to do down there!”

Wait. What? Why? Why is it unholy to build things under the ocean? Look, I was a religious nut for a huge portion of my life, and I can’t remember any taboos about checks notes building underwater?

As the deckhand takes off, having quit employment with Ryan Industries, Fontaine sees a piece of metal, picks it up, and runs after the deckhand.

“Hey!” the man yelped. Gorland held the deckhand firmly in place and pressed the end of the cold metal pipe to the back of his neck. “Freeze!” Gorland growled, altering his voice. He put steel and officiousness into it. … “You think I’m some crooked dock rat? I’m a federal agent! Now don’t even twitch!” [Fontaine said.]

Fontaine flashes a fake badge, then gets this deckhand to spill his guts. In two pages, he learns about Ryan building a city beneath the sea, complete with information about its technology and current state of construction.

End chapter.

Fontaine’s section of Chapter 2 runs from pages 39 through 54. In about two weeks, he has pretended to be six different people and learned everything he needs to know about Andrew Ryan.

You Can Always Try

I don’t know what Shirley was on at this point. In my mind, you devote one chapter to Fontaine at the tail-end of one really good con. Really put your effort into the con, show the ups and downs as the criminals attempt to outmaneuver the popo. Maybe show Fontaine fuck up some other criminal and then take his name. A shadow steps out of the smoke, adjusts his hat. “The name is Frank Fontaine.” Ohhhhh noooo I thought Frank Fontaine was that other guyyyy ooooooh shiiiiitttttt! And then never give out his background the rest of the story, and never show his internal world. Third-person objective: narrator stands outside of everyone. Keep Fontaine a huge question mark the entire story.

But Shirley was like, “Give Fontaine 3,000 cons in the same chapter, one after the other after the other, nonstop, don’t breathe, don’t stop, go go go go, and do it in such a way that Fontaine looks like the only human player in a world of NPCs.”

It just feels so unnecessary.

Here are images of Fontaine and Atlas.

That’s called “growing your hair out” and “cosmetic surgery” you fucking dumbass. It’s not that big of a deal. Now write something I give a shit about.

Question: how couldn’t the feds get all of this information in all the same ways, plus some? This is the FBI in 1946, the USA has just gone through WW2 like gangbusters, the Cold War is just warming up, and—most terrifyingly of all—J. Edgar Hoover is the FBI director. You think they give a single shit? Hell, I’m not sure they’d have to do much in the way of skullduggery at all. So far, the biggest problem with keeping Rapture secret has been employees talking.

Long story short, now Andrew Ryan and the US government look like chumps, and the narrative has the gall to imply Fontaine is skilled when he’s just unreasonably lucky. And if there’s one rule you should never break for a BioShock story it’s to make Andrew Ryan a fucking chump.

If You Must

Although having Fontaine front and center is not ideal, it’s also doable. So far, he’s the most interesting character in the book—probably because he’s solving the Rapture mystery. There are elements he doesn’t understand, which is a kind of tension, even if there are no repercussions for failure.

This tension is accidental. Just like every other character, Fontaine’s challenges and enemies are either neutered or indistinct. He hovers in a kind of eternal limbo where he is everything he has ever been. We can’t pretend it’ll get any better from here on out. However, let’s pretend that Shirley gives a fuck.

Now that Fontaine in a traditional character-driven narrative, we need to give him an arc. The Fontaine of Chapter 2 must not be the same Fontaine we see by the end of the story. We know Shirley will fail, but that’s the standard we’re going to judge him by. Remember: this isn’t BioShock-the-game. We’re writing literature now, so the aims and methods are different. If you’re going to use him as a major antagonist, he needs challenges to surmount, same as Andrew Ryan and Bill McDonagh and every other character ever.

So if you’re going to use Fontaine in this role, he has got to have an arc of some kind. He’s got to have something to overcome or learn or become because he’s in the kind of story that calls for that.

A competent writer would give you a reason to be interested in Fontaine. Shirley knows you’ve picked up this book because you’re a fan, so he presupposes you already are. So he just… doesn’t try.

jesus christ this lazy bastard. I hold him in utter contempt.

And I am just now at Chapter Fucking Three.

<- Part 5: Three Old Men Jerking Their Milk Sticks || Back to the Beginning || Part 7: Shadow Eve ->

[shoujoboy-restart]

Hominis pals around with groomers and racists, is a deadbeat dad and a "ancap" who lives in a HOA community and works in a factory a non skilled job in no where south Carolina while dressing up in his fantasy clothes on the weekend.

Its amazing how much he is on this site like its his life. No one cares about or is impressed by his long winded sociopathic rants about the gubmint.

Couldn't be me.

Damn, can't confirm if he's around groomers and shit but it ain't hard to see he around with degens like Durkin who straight up accused grooming and child abuse survivors like @shrimpmandan and @delusion-of-negation of being actual pedos themselves just for being LGBT.

Ajahfhjdjw not being in a HOA while larping as a punk on the net LMAO and I just joke about him losing custody because he used to post with his kid when he used to be a bare minimum normal anti-sjw, if that's true, damn not some deadbeat thinking he got the right to judge they thems on the internet.

And of course:

[pesterloglog]

Jake English, Dirk Strider

Meat, page 39

JAKE: DIRK!!!

DIRK: Hey Jake.

JAKE: Well isn’t this a heap of shillelaghs and shamrocks!

DIRK: Uh...

JAKE: I had no idea you had plans to visit my humble abode!

JAKE: To swing about the ole manor du chez ingles as they say.

DIRK: That’s three different fucking languages.

JAKE: So what brings you here pal?

JAKE: I seem to recall the last time we were bumming about the rumpus cabana you swore some sort of blood oath youd never set foot in here again with one of your customary dramatic flourishes.

DIRK: Yeah, well.

DIRK: I meant it at the time.

DIRK: Let’s just leave it at that.

JAKE: Okie doke!

JAKE: GOSH its so good to see you.

JAKE: SO good.....

DIRK: Listen, man.

DIRK: You got a spare spaceship lying around?

DIRK: We’re going on a trip.

JAKE: Oh! I didnt even notice rose there.

JAKE: Wow she looks really zonked. Bad hangover i presume?

JAKE: Hold the phone wasnt she supposed to be off the sauce? Or is that not a thing anymore?

DIRK: It’s not a hangover. She’s just tired.

DIRK: Can you help us out?

JAKE: Of course mate. Ive got frickin scads of the things lying around.

JAKE: Prototypes. Top secret experimental models. Galaxy class ball busters dogeared for the whiteshirts in the gubmint! ;)

JAKE: They pay some tidy coin for all this industrio military whatsit you know.

DIRK: Yeah, um.

DIRK: I don’t know, dude. Anything, really.

DIRK: Something fast.

JAKE: Fast! We can do fast.

JAKE: Heres one! Oughta do you splendidly.

DIRK: Thanks bro.

JAKE: So where are we going?

DIRK: Yeah, I thought this misunderstanding might happen.

DIRK: My bad, man. I wasn’t that clear up front.

DIRK: “We” aren’t going anywhere.

DIRK: It’s just me and Rose on this trip.

JAKE: Ooh! I see.

JAKE: Well when you live the married life i suppose from time to time one must get away from the old ball and chain one way or another.

JAKE: So its a stag night of sorts. In space. With a gay girl instead of a fella!

JAKE: And... not me.

DIRK: Yes.

JAKE: Gadzooks...!

JAKE: Well say no more then.

JAKE: So um... how long will you be away? Does kanaya know about all of these shenanigans?

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: We’ve discussed it. She’s ok with it.

JAKE: Whew good to see theres no trouble in paradise. Theyve always had the most lovely marriage.

JAKE: On the other hand you know how those dames can be... rargh!

JAKE: There are times let me tell you how i feel like i dodged a bullet by not jumping the matrimonial broom with jane.

JAKE: I love her to death obviously and id do fucking anything for her especially now that shes EL PRESIDEÑTE!!

JAKE: Cripes... woo boy sometimes i can hardly believe how that sounds but it sure is what happened isnt it?

JAKE: Partly thanks to a humdinger of a speech by yours truly but... um... but WOW never mind THAT old saw!

JAKE: What im saying is... i dont know what im saying? We guys need to stick together sometimes and live our lives and not...

JAKE: Well. Play such ornamental roles in the lives of our important and powerful womanly counterparts dear to us though they be!

JAKE: I think maybe im saying we should hang out more dirk??

JAKE: No pressure i mean! When you get back from your extraterrestrial camping trip of course!

JAKE: Um...

JAKE: When did you say you were coming back?

DIRK: I won’t be coming back, Jake.

JAKE: Like

JAKE: Wait.

JAKE: You arent...

DIRK: Coming back.

DIRK: Ever.

JAKE: Ever???

DIRK: Yeah.

JAKE: But...

JAKE: I dont

JAKE: Why dirk?????

JAKE: Please...

JAKE: Please take me with you dirk.

DIRK: I can’t do that, Jake.

DIRK: It’s not within the parameters of the mission.

JAKE: But...!

JAKE: What mission!

JAKE: I... cant do this alone dirk!

JAKE: This life... this... whatever is happening now. Whatevers expected of me...

JAKE: I cant do it.

JAKE: Not without you!

DIRK: You’re going to have to, man.

DIRK: Jane needs you now more than ever.

DIRK: She has a tough road ahead.

DIRK: It’s hard running a planet, but she’ll whip it into shape.

DIRK: I trust her, and so should you.

JAKE: B-but!

DIRK: She needs you at her side.

DIRK: If all goes well, she’ll rule Earth C for millions of years, and you’ll be critical to that reign.

JAKE: But i dont know what to DO dirk!

JAKE: I dont know HOW to help someone rule!

JAKE: I wouldnt know the first thing about... strategy or advising or policy or...

DIRK: Uh, Jake. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

DIRK: Well, I know Jane sure doesn’t.

JAKE: Then... what...

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know.

DIRK: Her candy boy?

JAKE: CANDY BOY???

DIRK: Yeah. Being on call.

DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such.

DIRK: To provide her with many heirs.

DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool?

JAKE: HEIRS??

DIRK: Yeah, like. Kids. A lot of them.

DIRK: Think about it. You could have thousands of kids.

DIRK: They’ll all grow old and die, because they aren’t god tiers like both of you are.

DIRK: But you just keep having more.

DIRK: Sounds pretty badass to me. Like getting to live through your entire future family tree.

DIRK: To watch your own endlessly branching dynasty flourish.

DIRK: I’m almost a little jealous.

JAKE: NO!!!

JAKE: That sounds... DREADFUL!

JAKE: DIRK PLEASE!

DIRK: Time to man up, Jake.

DIRK: This is what your life is now. It’s only bad if you treat it this way.

DIRK: It’s actually fantastic. Someday you’ll get it.

JAKE: No dirk!

JAKE: I cant bear to let you go!

JAKE: Youve... youve meant so much to me my whole life!

JAKE: I probably did a bad job of showing that because im such a shitty blubbering fucking numbnut IDIOT!

JAKE: You dont think i KNOW im a fucking bonehead who no one respects!!!

JAKE: But youre all i have to keep me anchored to ANY feeling of true self worth i ever had!

JAKE: You taught me so much! Remember the old days in sburb dirk?

JAKE: Those days were the absolute BEES KNEES! Jesus christopher CLOWNCOCK dirk!

JAKE: You taught me... taught me about...

JAKE: Combat! Philosophy! Life! Love!

JAKE: LOVE dirk!

JAKE: I dont... im so bad with feelings... i never said it when we were together but i... i...

JAKE: i LOVE you dirk!

JAKE: I LOVE YOU!

JAKE: THERE I SAID IT I LOVE YOU!

JAKE: IVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE SO MUCH IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

JAKE: Dirk im BEGGING you just take me with you!

JAKE: Its... its fine! You dont have to love me!

JAKE: Im ok with that! Whatever you want!

JAKE: I just need to be with you! Near you! ANYTHING!

JAKE: I cant stay here! Please not without you!

JAKE: I want to be anywhere but here as long as its with YOU!!!

DIRK: I’m sorry, Jake.

DIRK: But I’ll never let you break my heart again.

[thesoftboiledegg]

Season 5 is good on its own, but from a narrative standpoint, it's brilliant in how it shows us that everything we thought about Rick is wrong--even before the big reveals in the last three episodes. The season pulls the threads of Rick's character one-by-one until the whole toxic masculinity shitshow of the earlier seasons unravels.

This had already started in season 4--Rick still does shitty things, but he's not as terrible as he was in earlier seasons. He's more civil, forgiving and willing to admit when he's wrong. When he and Morty think they're dying at the end of the Glorzo episode, he drops the bullshit altogether and frantically apologizes to Morty, saying "It's all my fault!" Still, he crashes and hits rock bottom with "The Vat of Acid Episode," showing that his worst instincts are still in there somewhere.

Season 5 changes that. The first episode starts with Morty carrying Rick to safety while Rick rambles that he's a "small, silly man," showing that the balance of power has shifted.

As the season goes on, Rick gradually drops his cold exterior. Make no mistake--he's still an asshole when he wants to be. But he smiles fondly at people, shows sorrow and regret, and sighs endearingly at Jerry's corny jokes. He accepts a hug from Summer even though it clearly makes him uncomfortable and returns it in a loving way, not in a manipulative way like he would have in season 3.

When he does get annoyed, his expressions are funny and endearing, not cold and frightening. And even then, he's willing to let the issue go half the time instead of going on a destructive rampage.

What I'm getting at is that "badass Rick" who kicked everyone's ass and never showed emotion is slowly disappearing. Say goodbye to that aspect of toxic masculinity, fellas--the "sociopath" from season 1 (I never agreed with that label anyway) is actually a vulnerable human being.

Rick gets over his pointless feud with the president, and the narrative actually sides with the president a little instead of agreeing with Rick's constant anti-government rants. "Haha, Rick hates the gubmint just like me!" goes down the drain. Rick refuses to replace his Bird Person with another Bird Person who would do what he wants, so "Nothing matters, everyone's replaceable" falls away, too.

His romantic and sexual relationships also lose their male power fantasy aspect. Rick having sex with every alien chick in the galaxy becomes Rick clinging to a woman who's using him because he's lonely. When he has a kid with the horse lady, he promises to take care of them instead of running off.

And then there's the infamous Birdrick reveal. Even if you want to pull the whole "It's platonic!!" crap, Rick still admits his love for his male best friend. And not in a bro-y "Haha, you're my best friend, man" way--he just outright says it.

Season 5 even corrects some of the toxic masculinity from earlier seasons. When you first watch "The Wedding Squanchers," it looks like Rick's pitching the typical misogynist "wah wah my bro's getting married and won't be able to hang out with me" hissy fit. Watching it again, that episode becomes deeply sad.

Rick still gets his licks in, but he also fails, falls apart and starts to realize how much damage he's caused. He's not miserable because he's the smartest man in the universe and nobody understands how great he is. He's miserable after a lifetime of grief, trauma and self-hatred that he turned inward--and later, started to turn outward. He was a toxic presence in Morty's life, and he knows it.

By the end, the Rick who was always in control, kicked everybody's ass, spoke uncomfortable truths (i.e. was an asshole for no reason), cursed out his grandkids, whined about "political correctness," laughed at violence and murder, took his anger out on everyone, claimed that nothing mattered, wallowed in self-pity, fed his own ego and smacked down everyone who defied him had unraveled to reveal that all of it was bullshit. From the first episode, he was full of shit.

He's still miserable, selfish, emotionally immature, deeply flawed and barely functioning, and he's done so many awful things that he'll never be able to atone for them, but he's done pretending that he doesn't love his grandkids--in fact, he'll prove it right now, and show Morty love, affection and sincerity for the first time in the entire series.

It wasn't the end, but I actually think that this all culminated with Rick becoming the crow witch. That was Rick's fantasy, not the audience's, because the incels who think they're Rick sure as shit aren't going to imagine themselves in that outfit.

Rick's still mean to Morty, but we also see Rick carrying Morty in his arms later on--a parallel to the opening scene of the season and a sharp contrast to the brutality of Ricks who clone Mortys and butcher their tiny little bodies.

Then, at the end of "Rickmurai Jack," Evil Morty deconstructs Rick's bullshit and points out his pettiness, selfishness, toxic attitude to Morty and the unhealthy ways that he justifies it all. After that, Rick doesn't even try to manipulate his way out of the situation. He lies under a pile of rubble and tells Morty to save himself. Morty's love is the only reason that he doesn't die on the citadel.

Of course, we've got five more seasons to go, so who knows what's going to happen. But as it stands right now, the show that once fed into science bro MRA culture--and I think it was intentional and the writers 100% sided with Rick at the time--became a deconstruction of toxic masculinity. And maybe a critique of it, too.

[biopolitique]

It’s always so pathetic when right-wingers complain that the protesters they supported are getting shut down despite acting in a “peaceful” manner. As if politics is about being civil and nice. It’s pathetic. Of course the “truckers” would get fucked by the Canuck fedrl gubmint. Why wouldn’t they? Why would any government let itself be paralysed by any protest movement? Luckily for them they live in one the world’s most liberal countries. Political protest isn’t about saying “I’m angry!!!”, it’s about finding ways through which you would actually disrupt — if not overthrow — the government in order for them to accept concessions (provided they’re still in power). Failed protests can’t whine about how mean the government is. Speaking from experience, nobody fears teachers’ protests in France: protesters are well-disciplined, you could even bring kids to those (matter of fact, people do just that!). Which is (part of) why they often fail to obtain any significant gain from strikes. In 1968, the French regime was almost brought down because entire sections of the population blocked the whole country for weeks. At the end, the workers and students’ movement decided to stop, talked with the government and gained big. This is what protests are all about. Attacking power and its flaws. Remember the lessons of 06/01/2021: “power” is not located within a single place.

[worldofwardcraft]

Why Texit is all talk.

February 25, 2021

When Texas gained its independence from Mexico in 1836, most Texans anticipated it would immediately become part of the United States. They had to wait nine years for that to happen. But for decades now many Republicans have clamored for their state to secede from the Union. And especially from the federal government that embodies it.

For instance, when the Republic of Texas organization was founded in the 1990s, it had a long list of grievances against the US government, accusing it of upholding a corrupt judicial system, promoting paganism, and creating illegal agencies. Then there was the Texas Nationalist Movement, which evolved in the early 2000s. Its announced objective was "the complete, total and unencumbered political, cultural and economic independence of Texas."

At a political rally in 2009, then-governor Rick Perry enthusiastically endorsed the possibility of a "Texit." As did the chair of the state's GOP last December. And just a couple of weeks ago, State Rep. Kyle Biedermann actually proposed legislation (HB 1359) to put this non-binding referendum question before Texas voters: Should the legislature of the State of Texas submit a plan for leaving the United States of America and establishing an independent republic?

Then, a huge winter storm swept across the state, bringing heavy snow and sub-freezing temperatures, killing at least 30 people, and leaving millions without electricity. Turns out the Texas power grid, which covers only Texas (in order to avoid the evil clutches of the national government), had failed due to decades of Republican mismanagement. Thank goodness they didn’t have to suffer that dang gubmint regulatin'.

Last week, President Biden declared a federal emergency in the state, which authorized the Federal Emergency Management Agency to provide needed supplies — like water, blankets, meals and generators — as well as direct federal assistance throughout the 254 counties in Texas. Said Governor Greg Abbott, “This disaster declaration provides Texas with additional resources and assistance that will help our communities respond to this winter weather.”

That emergency relief comes on top of the $6.8 billion the federal government recently gave Texas to aid its students in recovering from the pandemic. And all the federal disaster aid it has received due to wildfires. Plus the $164 million for 2017's Hurricane Harvey. Interestingly, the federal government contributes 60% of all Texas aid to the poor, including free school lunches, food stamps and unemployment compensation. In fact, federal funding makes up more than a third of the state budget. Apparently, Texas Republicans are eager to be liberated from the federal government. Just not from its financial support.

[kontextmaschine]

What's going on in Oregon?

"Traditional" Oregon is pretty rural and as things have aligned nationally "red". It's seen itself as a sort of free soil-free labor utopia and been wary of outsiders wrecking it, which since the 70s has mostly been aimed towards California, and a fear that Oregon would follow its path, by giving up country virtue for city flash.

Oregon has a lot of internal cohesion though, so after the decline of the lumber industry (which was read by "Red" Oregon as engineered by extralocal big gubmint under the influence of urbanites alienated from rural life) and through the rise of "Portlandia" care was taken to preserve the interests of rural Oregon

As "red" and "blue" became more all-encompassing in the late 2000s with rural sorted to red, there was a narrow D majority but a spirit of bipartisanship and cross-cutting loyalties remained; when a gun control bill looked to pass on a party-line vote a D from eastern Oregon defected, and so on. Revenue bills further required a 3/5 supermajority.

But that's worn off as things progress. In 2018 the Dems got that supermajority, (people noting already that quorum monkeying was an option) and forces internal to the legislature have undermined bipartisanship.

Now, Oregon only recently (2012) and partially moved away from an every-other-year "citizen assembly". Features of this system are 1) that legislators tend to be local big wheels with extensive ties and ongoing business in their districts and 2) a vs.-the-clock setup where legislative tactics focus on delay past the end of session, when all unpassed bills are killed.

There was already a walkout earlier this year over gun control and something else that the Dems folded to but what made this one more critical is (like I keep saying of Wendy Davis' 2013 "pink shoes" Texas filibuster) that it ate up time close to end of session and if upheld a few more days would have killed lots of critical bills like the one just passed to end urban single-family zoning statewide.

The "militia" thing was a sideshow to all that, but like the legislator in question is in fact a rural baron operating a private network of military logistics and special forces trainers in a hinterpand filled with disillusioned veterans! All those cute Cascadian and State of Jefferson flags do mean there is a strong sense of local particularism that takes the idiom of secessionist movements! In the form of those "Patriot Prayer" marches, Red Cascadia has been sending warriors on raids into Blue Portland!

On my trip I got a real Red Vienna/Black Austria sense, that they saw the Portland metro swollen with non-Oregonians arrogantly telling Oregon what to do, and were proud of their legislators, glad that someone was finally doing something about it. That's a real thing.

[kesonafyren]

This may win a debate but I've never actually won over a anti-abortion-er with it. The things that have actually made people pause are

1) If the woman doesn't want the baby, is she going to take care of it? No cigarettes, no alcohol, proper nutrition and all that?

2) What if the woman doesn't have health insurance and/or can't take that much time off without losing her job and being evicted? And yes, some adoption clinics will pay for everything - but does she trust that?

And 4, the most effective, I just don't think The State should be able to force a woman to give birth. Anti-abortion folks frequently overlap with anti-gubmint folks, and the most effective way to change a conservative's mind in general is to go off-script and give them an argument they haven't already learned to counter.

Phrasing it in terms of I is also important; it makes it feel less like an attack. "I think (this thing you would otherwise agree with)".

Of course if they reply "yeah it's the gubmint's job to stop murders" congrats, you've found a True Believer, your time is probably better spent on someone else)

Works with the death penalty too; "I don't think the State should have the authority to execute its own citizens"

(source)

Bonus:

[jakemorph]

sure you can say rouge is a pig fuck bastard for working at G.U.N but i like to imagine thats just part of da hustle... she uses her gubmint job to travel the world and get to steal things from every country... shes a communist spy its fine

[tchaikovskaya]

putting this in my drafts until enough time has passed that its not the hot topic du jour but when school shootings happen in america and the pro-gun left launches into its “the problem isnt guns its male violence and this is a smokescreen so the gubmint can take away all our guns” spiel i....... i just NEED you all to understand how callous and unempathetic you sound lmfao like school shootings as a phenomenon are such a uniquely traumatizing event and dismissing people saying “i dont want anyone else to go through what i have been through” bc enforcement details are complicated and often mismanaged (accidentally or intentionally) makes you sound like litchral demons lol

[seat-safety-switch]

One of the things you might not think about that often is that the government owns a shitload of land. Offices, schools, highways, train tracks: Big Gubmint probably has a mortgage on it. And all of these things need parking. This presents them with a great opportunity to turn a quick buck and please their corporatist masters who demand such fiscal responsibility, the same way that your office boss demands that you answer emails while waiting for your coffee to percolate.

Sometimes they go a little bit too far. This was on my mind recently, when I checked the back of my glittery, counterfeit-proof city parkade receipt, and saw some glorious words indeed. “Rent our facilities for your next event.” The entrepreneurial part of my brain kicked into high gear, and suddenly I had a great plan for my next birthday party.

Not only was the parking garage centrally located, which made it easy for a lot of my more “reliable-car-challenged�� friends to access it, but said garage came with its own access control. And it boasted nearly two straight miles of delightful, untouched concrete, with great acoustics. You know what that means: burnout competition.

It went fantastic: shrieking tires, excited exhortations to “get some,” and impunity from law enforcement. They simply weren’t invited to this party, no matter how much they wanted to wait outside the parkade with angry faces as tire smoke, the visible indicator of fun, wafted out of its many ventilation fans. It was a great night.

There was just one problem, as there usually is when I get one over on The Man. Turns out that there’s a special tow truck company you have to call when one of your buddies burns through his supply of five-dollar junkyard tires and nobody brought a tow rope. That company, of course, is Parking Enforcement. As we forked out for the special low-profile truck to arrive, I could practically hear the Mayor laughing at us. You just can’t fight City Hall, although you can leave a quarter-inch of smouldering tire rubber on its face.

[lord-kitschener]

Hey why the fuck did the Agence France-Presse liason for Germany, in its syndicated article about the nazi rampages in chemnitz, cite fucking Bild, a right wing tabloid, to explain two days of nazis rampaging through a town to hunt down and beat anyone they deemed foreign looking, with the claim "well this happens because nice white German ppl are freaked out and scared and can't trust the gubmint, because evil brown ppl criminal foreigners don't get deported and are just allowed to stay and continue leeching and preying on nice white German ppl," which is a) fucking false and b) an old nazi talking point and dog whistle here, on the same level as "muh white genocide in South Africa"

And why is this bullshit now getting syndicated to countless Newspapers and websites without any comment

[mikepanic]

Get Your Flu Shot and Other Helpful Tips for Fucking Professionals

We hold ourselves to a high standard as sex workers when it comes to getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Every two weeks. We applaud ourselves for our conscientiousness and ethical practices. I’d say if statistics are to be believed we do a pretty good job. Better than the average populace. Hooray for us.

But what about disease transmission that’s not sexual?

Ever been to set or with a client where someone has the sniffles, a cough, a fever? Maybe you had one or all of those symptoms yourself. We’ve all been in situations where we want to come to work sick. We do it for various reasons: money – we need it to survive, and sometimes we need it badly; we feel guilty about costing other people money – this is especially true in porn, where if filming can’t take place that day it costs not just you but every person in the production; we have a counterproductive work ethic that tells us we’re pieces of shit for laying there when we should be working. The list goes on.

Here’s the thing. If someone brings an infection to work, you’re potentially putting that person at as much risk as any STIs on the list for which we get routinely tested. If you think I’m exaggerating take a look at the statistics for nosocomial infections in the US. A lot of our immune systems are already taxed because we work all the time, travel a lot, exercise and diet to fit an image ideal. It shouldn’t be surprising that we’re at a higher risk of transmitting infections to other people in the sex industry.

But lest this come across as fear mongering, there are super easy ways to mitigate risk before you’re faced with the decision of calling off sick from set or seeing a client.

WASH YOUR HANDS

No joke it’s that easy. Regular handwashing can diminish your risk of catching something by a pretty big margin. Think about it. Our hands are involved in anything we do. We touch everything – especially in sex work. A bottle of hand sanitizer isn’t a bad idea if you know you’re going to a location without easy access to warm water and soap.

BE POLITE

Cover your mouth with you cough. And not with your hands. Turn your head away from the people in your vicinity, put your mouth in the crook of your elbow, and then let loose. I’d question whether you should be working around others with a cough, but I’m being realistic as I know people will do it anyway.

VITAMIN C

I hesitated to list this one because what most people do is wait until they get sick, post to Facebook or Twitter about their symptoms, and get this: “TAKE YOUR VITAMIN C 2000MG INJECTED INTO YOUR CAROTID I DID THIS AND MY SYMTOMS WERE GONE.” Except that’s not how vitamin C works. It will help boost your immunity. T-cells and other partsof your immune system are capable of stockpiling vitamin C which acts as a kind of enhancement or fuel source. It helps them do their job fighting off infections. It’s their PED. But it works cumulatively and it takes your body a while to build up levels. So include a supplement in your daily diet. Don’t wait until you’re sick. Other things like Echinacea and Zinc also have limited evidence supporting their benefits in boosting immunity, but the same rules apply.

GET YOUR FLU SHOT

This is especially important because it’s flu season right now, and the flu is nasty. It’s an umbrella term describing a wide variety of viral pathogens that fit certain descriptors. It’s highly mutateable (anyone read The Stand? It’s not as hard to believe as you might think). It can put someone with an already fragile immune system in the hospital. I can’t tell you how many patients with sepsis and ARDS that I’ve transported, fighting high pressure alarms on the ventilator the whole way, who started out with the flu.

Now, if you’re an otherwise healthy adult chances are you run a low risk of the above happening. And like I said most of those patients already had a weakened immune system for one reason or another. But I’m guessing you still don’t want the flu.

Is it a cure? No, but your annual flu shot is currently the best method for preventing that from happening. I haven’t heard a good reason not to get one yet. But here’s the most common arguments.

IT MADE ME SICK

No, it didn’t. What you got was probably a few hours of symptoms linked to the inflammatory response that happens when your body builds antibodies to a foreign pathogen. Fever, chills, fatigue etc. You’re not sick. Your body is just ramping up the troops to fight off something that could make you sick. Ever notice how initial symptoms of most illness are pretty much the same? That’s because those symptoms are from your body doing its thing, not the illness itself.

I’d recommend getting your shot close to bedtime if possible so you can sleep it off. Drink lots of water no matter when you get it. Make sure you’re hydrated. If you just can’t tolerate the symptoms, taking some Tylenol (acetaminophen) is okay. NSAIDS should be avoided because those are blunting the very thing that your body needs to do to build immunity (Motrin, Advil, Aspirin, Aleve etc.).

I DON’T HAVE INSURANCE

Most places that offer flu shots charge between $10 - $20.

I HATE NEEDLES

Do the thing you’re afraid of, and you’ll get the courage after it’s done. That’s how it works.

I STILL GOT THE FLU

This was shouted from the rooftops last year. And it’s true. The CDC missed the mark by a large percentage and a lot of people still got the flu. Here’s the thing. The folks over at the CDC make a projection on what strains of the flu will be prevalent in the coming season. They comb reams of data to do this, but, alas we just don’t have the technology to predict the future.

So, should you have gotten the flu shot last year even though the odds weren’t in your favor?

Yes. Last years flu shot was shown to be effective against strains that were prevalent overseas. Guess who has higher potential to be exposed to people from outside national boarders?

Sex workers.

So while the shot may not have protected you from the domestic strains, you were still good to go when came from any you might have mingled with at the airport or in your own travels.

The bottom line is it can’t hurt and might, and often probably will help.

IT’S A RUSE BY THE GUBMINT

I know. And you don’t vaccinate your kids and there are chemtrails in the sky. If the pile of verifiable data you have access to doesn’t convince you of the benefits of the flu shot, I got nothing.

Wash your hands, take your vitamin C, drink your water, get your flu shot. Go forth and fuck.

[advanced-procrastination]

Its weird thinking about all the guys ive worked with at this job over the past 8 years, and realizing that im the only one left.

Jacob got a job at some auto parts shop and ditched us

Will started his own rival business

Nick went with Will

Cody got a fancy-pants job cutting grass for the gubmint on Fort Jackson

Nathan... idk. He disappeared. Knowing him he prob decided having a job was no fun

Daniel... went to jail. Anyway...

Timmy got married and decided he didn’t need a second job anymore

I mean... shit. Not only am I the only one left, I’m probably the most loyal employee Boss has ever had. I think the longest any of them stayed was Jacob for 3 years, most of them were less than a year. Then there’s me, 8 years now.

Idk its just weird looking back in time.

[nebris]

Nebs Sez 12/19/09

"My comments on a FB friend's Social Security Petition post: Obama is Center/Right Corporatist and beholden to The Monied Interests [aka The Corporate State]. Mittens was more or less the 'back up plan'. Note that all the serious loons the GOP base really wanted were run off the road with cash very early on. The Hitler Lesson has been learned; you cannot control real radicals with money once they grasp the levers of power. Some will dismiss this as 'conspiracy nonsense', but it's really just long term planning. Our Social Security money has already been spent on other things [Defense, TARP, Corporate Welfare, etc] so when it comes to pay out what is owed, the gubmint either has to tax those with the money or cut the payments to the people. Take a wild guess which will get chosen. For a greater overview of what is *actually* taking place, Ran Prieur is one of the more thoughtful and reasonable voices in the 'doomer' community. [ignore Kunstler and Greer, they're both kinda nuts in their own special ways] http://www.ranprieur.com/essays/slowcrash.html I'm not saying don't sign the petition. In this case it could help hold the line...for while. I'm just saying look at the larger picture. There are solutions that can ameliorate this process, but almost every one of them would require The Corporate State to surrender a good deal of what it has acquired - note that The Corporate State's actions are now largely about Hoarding in one form or another - and that ain't gonna happen without a fight. PS John Robb is a very tech friendly pro-active member of the 'doomer' community: http://www.facebook.com/GlobalGuerrillas Disclaimer: The Corporate State is not a monolithic entity like The Illuminati or such. It is more a 'confederation', a shifting alliance of economic and political groups and organizations whose interests overlap and/or intersect, but also often conflict. Some are Perennial Members [energy and financial corporations, major political parties, etc] and others come and go [Enron is a perfect example, a 'corporation as temporary tool']. Its Central Operational Goal is the Perpetuation of the Power of its members and its Central Driving Force is Greed. As such, it usually tends to create most of the problems that now beset us globally – Capitalism is a beast that devours its Host – and therefor it sows the seeds of its own long term destruction. Unfortunately, that also means that the rest of us get to suffer and die in the shit while 'the elite' ride to their doom with some level of comfort."