#but its like. interesting that it happens ? like i wonder why that happens. its rly noticeable now that i think abt it

[faaun]

just noticed a weird pattern w tumblr

[lady-margaret]

bridgerton season 3 episode 3 screaming thoughts (unedited)

this was marked mature for some reason so im reposting 🙃

this is a dream isnt it

okay not a good idea to watch this full volume without any headphones in a dorm building with relatively thin walls

OH ITS COLIN'S DREAM!!?!?!? i was rly counting on it to be pen's..... YES I WANT HIM TO BE AS DESPERATE IF NOT MORE THAN ANTHONY WHAHAHHSHAHS

bridgerton sibs dreaming about their future spouses lol ("anthony's night and day i dream of you" counts)

^ speaking of that i miss daphne

love seeing the bedrooms more and more

WTF HAPPENED TO HIS ARM HELP GREG PLSSS

hyacinth is rly gorg

why are the bridgertons so dumb and bad at

NOT acting suspicious "i slept so well... not even a dream" BUT WTF ARE U TALKING ABOUT WHAHDJSHDJSB

bridgerton blue is so pretty

COLIN STOP ACTING SUS he really is related to anthony and daphne jfc this FAMILY

OH hot air balloon thingy ive been hearing about

IM EXCITED FOR MORE LORD DUBLIN

pLS I WANT THE STIRLING COUSINS!!!!!!!!!!!

lady danbury and the queen: and iconic duo as always

o lord the featherington sisters are insane BWHAHAHAHHAH

URGH I AM LOVING ELOISE GOWNS THIS SEASON

ELOISE AND PENELOPE PLS BE FRIENDS AGAIN SOON IM GONNA START CRYING i hope pen gets to explain huhuhuhu

no dont go in there thats not a good ideaaa

wait theyre cute; theyre the cute couple, kathonys the steamy passionate couple, idk what to label daphne and simon

lord debling is so interesting i actually really like him so far

i love penelope in bridgerton blue

i love the subtle hints of book canon

franny's SO PRETTY how are all the bridgertons so pretty

a-holes, the lot of them also when am i gonna see more kate and anthony im starved

alice is so pretty

LOL colin YES!!! we want penelope to find a husband

BENEDICT PLSSSSSSSSSSSS i love him... im so excited for him to fall in love with sophie

"he's dead" HELP

okay debling is cool but a lil bit intense for me

“oh i would not tell him that"

cressida gaslighting herself to like lord debling Imao

the featherington sisters are hilarious; its really cute how they actually seem to like their husbands

hyacinth and gregory are becoming real faves for me

this is coling following pen around: 🐕

COLIN CALM URSELF o god hes down bad

u kno what i feel like cressida may end up with debling since colin will obviously end up with pen

O GOD WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH pennnnsndnbdnsjdn

colin ur so hot we all kno ur not looking at that damn balloon

where the hell are anthony and kate

HELP BENEDICTTTTTTT ur so cute poookie

eloise 😭😭😭😭😭😭

its giving same vibes as serpentine boat scene from szn 2 for some reason

colin ur so hot colin ur so hot

lol violet ur garden will soon be watered

are anthony and kate seriously on a honeymoon again WHERE ARE THEY

cressida and penelope vying for debling's attention is kinda entertaining

FRANNY RUN pls look for a scottish earl named john stirling ! he will make u happy while he is able to do so and he has a wonderful family! he has a cousin named michael who is great 😌

kate where are u

oh? WHATS UR NAME SIR IM TRYNA SEE SOMETHING IS UR LAST NAME STIRLING

i feel like benedict and his new paramour (okay her name is tilly) is gonna be a diff version of anthony and sienna in the way that it will kickstart his season (BECAUSE S4 IS GONNA BE BEN'S PLS)

debling is so wholesome OH GOD

DID HE JUST GIVE CRESSIDA'S LEMONADE TO PEN

dw cressida he could still b urs

AY ANTHONY MENTIONED now bring him out

АНННН MAMA VIOLET KNOW i just know she loves pen sm

o god colin colin calm yourself ur in a room FULL OF PEOPLE STOP IT colin colin calm down

OH HAPPIER THAN EVER ???????? ouch

[juni-ravenhall]

updated these since the old ones were from 2020. not much is different, erased with white a bunch of options to make it easier to look at for me, changed some minor numbers that dont rly matter bc its not that easy to put those numbers down anyway.

some talk thats mostly about their relation to me and stuff about me instead of stuff about them below ⬇ (actually i should fill one of those out for me myself too. that could be fun)

i adjusted junis brother a bit focusing on just how hes like at the moment of having been rescued to jorvik, rather than thinking about his potential "real personality" if he was able to heal and become a more developed person instead of just full of trauma. i do want to eventually do something with the concept of what if he healed, or what if he hadnt been abandoned in pandoria to begin with? if hes intj like me (his behaviour is based on how i am when im completely broken down, which sadly has happened a lot in my life) then what would it be like to see him healthy and happy? its stuff id like to think about more eventually

also filled in that juni is enfj. back then i wasnt so sure what parts of her were different than me, over time i developed it and she really clearly became enfj. we both share high Ni aka my dominant function as intj but her dom Fe plays into the whole constantly being in contact w ppl thing - im also very caring and loyal, and i genuinely want to save everyone on earth and want everyone to be healthy and happy. i want society to be fixed (and ive got the ideas) and i want ppl to be kind and loving to each other. me and juni share that. but for me, i cant really handle talking to normies much bc their reality is just too different than mine. juni has no problem socialising with anyone, even if she ofc also has ppl shes the closest to and others who she might not get along with as much, its still easy for her bc Fe just has that harmonising feelings thing with others that i dont have (and being a dominant extrovert function, and not being ND, shes also not as exhausted by socialisation).

for me with low Fi i just dont really get much out of socialising for socialisations sake. its part of why i cant handle being on discord servers and stuff like that. i dont "vibe" with people in that way, i want to actually have interesting and intimate conversations and learn more about my friends, their backstory, their problems (can i help them?), their deep and genuine feelings (not stemming from copying others and peer pressure, group-think is extremely irrelevant to me and i dont view people differently if theyre supposedly in-group or out-group - im interested in everyone as an individual). for my whole life ive just been too different and for many reasons not been part of normie's society, so its just really alien to talk to normies. (as in, the abuse and isolation, the disability, the ptsd and depression, the queerness, and also just being intj, not really having a normal brain. i often wonder if the ppl who say bad things about mbti - besides the obvious "job and school mbti use is bad" yeah it is - have known what its like to just not be able to relate to almost anyone around you ever when it comes to personality. even online, even in a nerdy group, even in a place with ND people, even with queer people, even with disabled people, youre still different. you still cant relate. for me, finding out that im just a weird personality type was really important, and then i was able to study other ppl's personality types and now i actually get why people behave the way they do and why society functions the way it does for better or worse. which is a great thing to understand imo. the "omg mbti bad bc jobs and school and the tests are dumb" is one thing, but studying the functions and really truly diving into how other people function and how theyre different from you and how you all work and how the human history of the world has happened, is beautiful to me.)

as a low Fi person, with a focus on 1-on-1 connection rather than groups, i focus on talking intensely to the beloved weirdos on my computer, or posting my rambles and reading you guys rambles in return. u guys prob dont even realise, but for a lot of u, i remember like... u posting about ur job or school one time. what u posted about that u wanted to do or what ur upset about. i think about what ur ocs symbolise, why u write them that way, what part of ur personality and your lived experience, your feelings, makes u project this or that on characters. i think that a lot of ppl treat social media as a more shallow and "a drop in the ocean" type of thing, but for me, even ppl ive not talked to much on my dash, if youve been my mutual for some time, i think about you and remember things about you. if you post music i listen to it both to see if i might like the song but also bc im interested in what you like. i like learning things about people around me, the same way i like learning things about the world in general and spend obscene amounts of time studying and analysing the world both in its current and past. its an intj thing because its about my dominant Ni function, which loves analysing patterns and taking in information to process. but i dont mean that in a cold way, its an intimacy and friendship to me to learn things about you and understand you. not to "vibe" but to really know someone and see the puzzle pieces of their life. im very much about all the puzzle pieces that makes you You. im not saying its wrong to vibe and chill instead of analysing your mutuals like puzzles, just that this is something thats very different from how i am, and its been hard for me in life to relate to the way most people are.

idk if anyones reading this but some of you also prob noticed that i will pop out of nowhere and talk to you about some random thing you posted thats interesting to me, or send you a message of support if youre going through hard times. i remember when you posted that you were really sad and i notice that youre having a hard time when you post that youre sad again a month later. idk, its hard for me because im not always very emotional in a way that other people understand. i can come off as cold or quiet which in turn can come off as disinterested. but i just wanted to write it somewhere, to put out into the cosmos, that actually i care a lot about the little creatures on my dashboard and i hope that you notice even if my personality and behaviour is a bit different than what people are used to. people project mean things on me sometimes because im confident, for example, or because i stand up against things i think are harmful. because im not "loyal" if i tell a friend that theyre being rude, or im "rude" if im saying capitalism is bad. i can be projected as controlling (telling people "no" when theyre mean) or self-important (being confident in my skills and analysis) and other negative traits which is really unfair to do to someone just bc theyre different. to me i view everyone equally and i will tell off a friend if i have to, without meaning anything unkind by it. idk. ill stop rambling now bc its too much again (high Te will also do that) but i just have feelings and thoughts about that my beloved mutuals dont even know that theyre beloved and that my way of expressing myself is weird and its hard to live in society based around ppl who are very different than me in many ways. but learning mbti / jung functions was really great for me to feel understood and to understand others.

[xoxojisu]

so im reading the demon slayer manga now bc it was alr spoiled for me so i figured why wait for the movies just read it so now im reading and @suniix was SO RIGHT. SOBBINGGGGGGG. manga spoilers below

kanao :(((( sweet girl is finally crying :(((( i love that she went "i am kanao tsuyuri. younger sister of kanae kocho and shinobu kocho." LIKE YESSSS TELL HIMMMM. anyways absolutely sobbing i am destroyed. dead now kill me now. shinobu popped off for dying so nobly and avenging kanae. samesies for kanao now go marry tanjiro. either way it was so meaningful how they all got the revenge they wanted <33 TAKE THAT DOUMA.

akaza's love story was so unexpectedly sweet? his story was lowk so cliche but i absolutely ADORED it nonetheless. not much to say there bc i have no complaints :) very sweet and very vanilla-ish

GENYA AND MUICHIRO NOOOOO 😭😭 sweet babies did not deserve to die. but at least they helped take down upper one so they kinda ate w that!! muichiro is one of my fav charas ever so im super devastated abt him like no baby no! and OMG SANEMI AND GENYAAAAA. i always knew that sanemi still loved him and didnt forget anything and all but seeing him say it was so touching. he just wanted him to live a good life with a wife and kids :(( (bruh why didnt he just say that then...) but still hes so sweetie!! i love angry sanemi sm its so funny i liked how it was like "you should live a goddamn good life with a goddamn wife and goddamn kids goddamnit!!" like hes so unintentionally funny 😭 elaborating further on their deaths, 1. muichiro. THE SCENE WITH YUICHIROOOOO. bruh why did he have to die. he was 14. nOOOJEREIUIUAI MY BABYYYYYYYYY. anyways he went out with a bang 10/10. 2. genya!! literally sobbed seeing his final words and sanemi's reaction. wish that he could've lived so they could've had happy brotherly moments :(( his final moments were so sweet and emotionallll 10/10 super sweetie pie and i like his gun

yoriichi is so sweetie pie. i love him 10/10 super cool super genius super caring super slay literally created breathing forms. unfortunately dying standing up and one breath away from killing one of the biggest opps ever was not very sigma but i can overlook it for everything else hes done. (brainrot is taking over my brain) his love story with uta is so sweet. he never loved anyone else. just her. and she understood him like nobody else did im sobbing. so sweet i cannot 😭😭 they completed each other!! its so interesting to see how differently yoriichi and koku perceived their situation. just goes to show you that life is what you make of it, and you may not know as much as you think you do about certain people. dont make assumptions! just love others <3

obanai backstory is so sad :(( i always wondered why he wore the bandages and now ik. sweet sweet boy. also OBAMITSU IS MY LITERAL EVERYTHING. THEY ARE SO PERF TOGETHER LIKE THEY ARE ACTUAL PERFECTION. RAHHHHHHH

bro tamayo is so smart. FOUR DRUGS?! in THAT AMT OF TIME?!?! goddamn girl rly popped off! also how can muzan like freaking summon their souls to come back like how tf does that even work. whaaaaaat.

well ig the person who spoiled 4 deaths for me neglected to say HIMEJIMAAAAAAUR. NAAAAUURURRURURRUR COME BACKKKKKKKKKKK. but im glad that he got to see his temple fam and stuff and they apologized to him and explained everything. sweetie pieeeee :((

okay so when i said "go marry tanjiro" to kanao i was like half joking BUT LIKE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?!?!?!?! YESSSSSS. and then there's uh. nezuko and zenitsu. uh. (hes not good enough for her im sorry i just never liked him that much even tho he was funny) also inosuke and aoi wasn't toooootally random but like it kinda was. i lowk thought aoi and zenitsu would end up tg. idk what i thought would happen to nezuko's love life but i thought the whole zenitsu thing was just a giant joke but it actually ended up working out. oh im curious as to who sanemi and giyu had children with also. (me guys. it was me.)

and im just so emotionally scarred. genuinely dont think i can recover from that wtf. i still cant believe they all died. goodnight.

[commajade]

hi im trying to learn more abt north korean refugees from the korean war or more generally conditions in north korea during the war and its been like...rly challenging to find resources since the search engines will conflate them with defectors and what resources i do find tend to be "there were north koreans refugees. there were alot...a lot of them died...some did not" and not about why they fled or what was happening in north kroea at the time. i can make inferences from what i do know, but i was wondering if you had any resources or recommendations on where i could look since ive found ur dprk resources super informative & helpful in the past!

hello!

during the war, there was not yet a concept of a korean person being from the north or the south and that's probably a reason why you can't find specific resources if you're searching in that direction. generally, refugees fled to manchuria, china, russia, and japan. they tried to farm in these regions, tried to become educated and learn skills and crafts, and/or were part of anticolonial organizing efforts. the migrations to these areas began much before the war and there were sizable korean populations in these regions as early as the late 1800s and the 1910s.

a notable example is find very interesting is that there were enough communist koreans in russia and climbing the political ranks of the government at the beginning of the 20th century that in 1937, stalin had every korean person rounded up and sent to central asia (kazakhstan, uzbekistan, etc) under suspicion of them being japanese spies. which i personally think inspired the US to create japanese internment camps.

my understanding is that the borders to manchuria and china were not heavily enforced before the war and military occupation of the area so it was very common for people in the northern areas of the korean peninsula to travel back and forth for trade and live across the border for agricultural conditions.

for wartime conditions in the region, the northern half of the peninsula was bombed more severely than the southern half and the southernmost tip of the land is the only area where the trees on mountains are the original ones and not newly planted after the war (usually by the park chunghee administration). agriculture is more difficult in the north because of the terrain and the majority of the flat and fertile farming soil is in the jeolla province so the north was more likely to develop communist style industry, so the U.S. focused on flattening any man made infrastructure in the area. many people fled across borders and many people hid in caves in the mountains because the peninsula is very mountainous with many caves. for resources, i don't have anything more specific than what's already in my dprk tag! check the dprk study guide for further reading.

overall, many people fled korea from the late 1800s to after the war in the 1950s because of japanese labor exploitation and cultural persecution, artificially produced famine conditions because of japanese resource exploitation and then the effect of the U.S. bombings on the environment, and the sheer death and destruction of the bombings and ground military troops.

hope this is helpful and lmk if u have more specific questions i can answer!

[legodamianwayne]

BATMAN AND ROBIN 2023 #1 (Take 6 (yes))

(im not writing this as i go since ive already read the issue before. ill also be mentioning gotham war since this takes place during it (just a warning for spoilers!))

i just noticed the bat and robin on the cover! so cute

OH........(just noticed this too) that doesn't look good

look at them goofing off n having fun

this is cute but the way bruce acts here and in gotham war is so jarring its kinda funny

bruce in batman #137: can't stand my fake ass family

bruce in b&r: me and my son damian 🤗

bruce is in his "local dilf in the area" era rn

damian having talia's mannerism that bruce noticed is so <3

and here its confirmed that this takes place during gotham war. not sure how to feel about that

STILL INSANE OVER THIS baby first self insert fanfic

damian went from drawing hyper realistic gore vent art to anime eyes in the corner

i think it'd be fun if we see damian write more as the story goes on. like him daydreaming n doodling in class

wonder if theres any meaning with damian putting talia as a hero n bruce as a criminal here...or maybe its just a "totally original character do not steal" thing

you dont say bruce 🙄

"the last few years"?? pretty sure the events shown there all happened not even in 2 years since damian turned 14 around the start of the lazarus tournament

also why are alfred n talia not shown there? alfred's death has huge impact on damian (he literally hallucinated him) n talia was there as much as ra's

i dont like how damian looks here but that white connor should be a crime

"thats enough emotions for tonight father" [slams door]

i wonder why damian is staying with bruce tho (outside of making this book exist) didn't bruce n talia had a custody battle moment™ n damian's like "nah i have my own life (is literally 14)"

HELL YEAH MY BOY CAN COOK

he's quoting alfred ohhh im gonna sob

this is kinda embarrassing for bruce...like ur son is finally living with you again n he's the one up early cooking?? sir u better step up

aw he's making tea the way alfred did

*squints* did bruce get his hand back? thats a pretty normal looking hand to me

did damian's comment on it in batman #137 made bruce think "shit i cant give damian any ideas of getting a robot hand" n he just. magically grow it back

[GLASS SHATTERING SOUND]

gotham...heights? n. not gotham academy? no maps? no damian joining her dnd team?? no detective club finally hanging out with damian??

ik damian got expelled from gotham academy BUT. WHY

okay? whats the point if he's not going to the same school that his friend went to?

interesting how damian fantasize for a normal life in robin 2021 (with him liking the mundanity of shoujo manga) n now that bruce is offering him that he's rejecting it (or maybe he just rly don't like school which is. fair enough)

wellll just cuz we're not getting maps n the detective club doesn't mean damian's other friends arent showing up right? RIGHT? (maya plz come home)

THE ROBIN MOBILEEE it looks so ridiculous i love it

HOLD ON. DOES THIS CAR HAVE NO SEAT BELTS?? BRUCE UR LETTING THIS SLIDE?

ik that thing is rly loud too damian waking up the whole neighborhood here

not rumors abt the batfam fighting getting spread around?? this is so embarrassing omg

am i the only one getting gotham academy flashbacks here? with killer croc n the trio with the fox shark n bird masks

they're very comfortable with calling eachother father n son while in suits huh. ig everyone in gotham knows that batman is a dilf (who's beefing with his adult children) now

not much to say abt the rest: bruce got shot with something n now bats are attacking him

end thoughts: i hope with all the focus on animals here means that we're getting damian's pets back soon n that gotham war wont affect this book much since i rly want to see damian interact with his siblings again. also is it just me or does the day scenes looks very bright? saturated? it kinda hurts for me to read idk. the night scenes r pretty tho

next issue is damian's first day on his new school that is not gotham academy but im still excited for it! (coping)

bonus bestie corner

[narwhalandchill]

(soo ignition teaser thoughts ig)

hmmmm im ngl the trailer itself as a like prelude to what is coming in 5.0 intrigue and plot wise is like. compared to the region teasers that came before w lazzo and overture. its just. its kinda bad im sorry KWKJKWDJKWDJK like okay cool seeing the new cast and production value is high as always (+ music) but its such a middling teaser for the story itself?? it feels like a powerpoint presentation of the cast more than anything narratively coherent with an inherent draw and mystery

like theres mavuika speaking to the flame thingy (xbalanque that u? "one entombed in the primal fire" perhaps????) with some intrigue i suppose as well as her brief thing w capitano. ororon also appearing to be working together or aligned with capitano given theyre standing together there which could make for an interesting plot thread but beyond that its very.... eh. its not giving us a lot to grip onto ya know???? and thats rly a shame especially since i also felt that way abt the teaser in the 4.8 livestream. i wish we got more

and sure theres a tournament wahoo but like. its really Not helping to hype up that thing when half the introduced cast isnt being like "OMG the tournament!!!!1!1 this is HUGE!!!1" (or even. "oh no this is BAD!!!1" to set up basic conflict. like why would they dread it?) but instead just. "oh right... the tournament 🙄🙄" like who thought that was a good idea 😭😭 if the PEOPLE of natlan dgaf abt the big plot event happening then how am i as the viewer supposed to feel majorly invested in it . wow theyre tossing a ball around . wow nobody wants it guess ur tournament is having a bit of a PR issue in the making mavuika lmao

anyway i wouldnt even call myself a true capitano glazer despite being a fatuiHQ enjoyer on the side but like. that hmph still carried welcome capHIMpeaktano truly o7 JWDJWDJKDWJK also did yall see the. anemo-ish turquoise flare when mavuika is confronting (?) him? wonder if thats a thing with her flames or is it implying cap as anemo or sth.... i think itd fit him decent enough but ya. looking forward to HIM for sure

(+ congrats to him for losing the goofy timbs from arles animated short lmao like his design looks so fucking sick now)

character design wise uhhhh. well theres the obvious huge fucking issue here and while id say that hoyo p much already showed their true colors on the matter with sumeru that doesnt rly. make it any less disappointing and egregious wrt all the cultures and peoples theyre So willing to gather inspiration from in all possible aspects Other than the diversity of the people themselves. like its just... bad and such a shame but also not very surprising unfortunately.

(and really it just. looks especially bad given they clearly Can put melanin on people its just... enemy mobs only.)

beyond that i kind of dont have anyone that super catches my eye rn??? mainly because . well leaks moment eek but its basically official info now so basically. xilonens existence as a geo and a 5* (which like . u dont need leaks to guess she will be im sorry jdwjdw) was leaked a bit ago as well as the patch she should appear meaning. im actually in chiori rerun savings mode since its very high chance that she will be back w xilonen if anyone. so thats my plan for now kjdwjkdwjkdwjk

in terms of the actual cast i do like kinich and ororons designs v much, the design motifs of the latter especially are interesting bc those eye-like patterns are almost giving quantum symbol (= black hole imagery) to me???? and thats V interesting especially if hes actually working w capitano and the fatui. now him being a cat boy or whatever animals ears those turn out to be isnt like sth thats huge for Me personally but i do think hes valid and also W for anyone whos into that, congrats guys im happy for u ! but like fr itd be such an insane twist if hoyos Finally introducing the void quantum abyss whatever element w him (and maybe cap too.) bc that symbol Rly is looking Curious. or then hes just electro lol. for kinich its like. yeah fair he might be xiao-tighnari-gaming from minecraft ill admit that but. i do like the color scheme and his outfit a lot JKWJKDJKDWJKD so like i forgive it

w the girlies i overall find them all like. quite nice but so far without any personality + lore known its hard to settle my complete thoughts on them just yet. tho citlali being pink is super refreshing for genshin since we do have a shocking absence of it so like shes definitely one im drawn to, chasca looks interesting and like she could play a bigger part plot wise (maybe?) so that might be neat. both her and citlali being cryo is kinda surprising?? but cool. maybe ill get to unbench my shenhe and play some cryo teams again lmao freeze has been dead in abyss for so long now....

xilonen again w the kemomimi isnt sth im particularly into or not into but she looks cool, depending on personality and how her kit synergies turn out (+ assuming the chiori rerun, the fate of those pulls too), i might try for her as well? theres an Energy to her i like it. if she has proper Attitude and flair thats gonna be a massive bonus for me

mualani i think is rather bland to me, sth about her outfit and design just doesnt click for me even if the shark thing from the teaser before is neat and everything. the chibis are never sth im actively drawn to but like both do look okay, im kinda hoping kachina could be a lynette moment for 5.x and end up a free 4* since her exploration roomba looks p fun

anyway then theres. mavuika and i. well at least the design wasnt. That concept art one (ThoseWhoKnow...) . so instant massive W improvement solely on that basis holy fucking shit but ehhhhh im sorry i still dont know how to feel abt the very modern like. biker bodysuit thingy. im not a huge fan of the bodysuit type designs anyway so its not that surprising but still. her eyes + hair is absolutely stunning tho like not a question at all.

tbh in a way i kinda feel like having too many Thoughts on her design is kinda just unnecessary bc like. shes the archon. of Course the kit is going to be insane so i will get her anyway (UNLESS a pyro onfielder JKWJKJKWJKWJKWFKJ like god please no). and in terms of like is her design and energy from what this vid is giving us good enough that i wont like. Actively resent having to get her for meta and strong teams??? Absolutely. so in that sense ig its all cool lmao

but yeah. idk i just think as a teaser for the upcoming story its rly a shame how weak this felt for me???? like sure overture ended up being a bit of a misleading teaser since it gave the impression of arle as this mastermind of the fontaine AQ which didnt rly happen but it still served as a source of hype and intrigue. and yes lazzo is sth that can Never rly be beat in terms of how out of nowhere it was and how fucking insane the whole harbinger reveal went (+ elogia cinerosa existing) for lore and long term hype but its just. unfortunately those 2 are the regional teasers this natlan one is supposedly meant to parallel and it just didnt deliver anything comparable to those for me

like still looking forward to natlan and seeing the rest of its cast (like im fairly convinced the flame thingy might be xbalanque and hes gonna be a big deal ultimately or sth) and where it goes and all its environments but this trailer didnt rly. grip me the way i wouldve expected it to. which is unfortunate kdjkdwjkwjkdwj but yea thats all

[akalikai]

TMAGP ep 29 reaction (spoilers ahead)

doing this from my college library lets gooo

"locked in" is this message telling me to lock in this academic year. because literally just yesterday i was telling my friend that i rly need to lock in-

OH WE'RE PICKING UP IMMEDIATELY.

shut the fuck up she literally tripped over his body I'm cackling

okay but her panic when she's unsure if he's breathing or not :((( poor celia. i wonder if like. she lost someone else from her universe and that is why she panics :((( bc also I'm not entirely sure she's from the TMA universe. she's def a universe hopper but the question is: which one.

i wanna say sam has the wrong impression of alice and gwen but at this point with gwen's IDIOTIC move of trying to get lena fired, i don't even know. and then with alice its like...she would care but i do think she'd end up saying "i told you so" at some point because snark is her coping mechanism

oh my god. lena smiled at gwen. is gwen gonna feel any guilt. also lena giving out compliments WHAT.

oh wow chester is just Going

OH NOOOO DON'T DO THIS TO ME DON'T MAKE AN ELDERLY COUPLE RELIVING THEIR HONEYMOON TRAGIC NOOOO

who is sandra. daughter, maybe? nurse? idk probably family member.

"i miss him. i'm alone on christmas and it's my fault" i know this is probably meant to be supernatural but my brain went to it being a health condition the husband hand the wife was supposed to call sandra, possibly a family member or caretaker to check in on him. since it didn't happen, something went wrong and he died. I'm sure that's not what happened but that's what my brain is saying.

oh my god secret tunnel??? catacombs??? this is the Czech republic right?

oh. oh its water again. there really seems to be a strong theme of murderous water in this podcast huh

ohhh flood relief tunnels. thats interesting, i've never actually heard of those before!

"unlock your heart" NOT LITERALLY MA'AM

alice and teddy drinking time!! my god teddy sounds as hot as ever. also i think teddy is gonna get dragged back to the OIAR. TEDDY HAS SALMON PINK HAIR YESSSS

IS TEDDY WORKING FOR THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE??? OR STARKWALL?? IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS CALLED??? THE ENFORCER PEOPLE WORKING FOR THE OIAR???? THE ONES WHO LENA SAID JUMP INTO VIOLENCE WAY TOO QUICK???

poor alice :((( i dont think there was any good option in that situation, they both need her. especially since with sam and celia, she knows the severity of the situation they're in.

IS [ERROR] ON THE FUCKING TRAIN WITH THEM??? AND SARAH??? SARAH BALDWIN???? I MEAN I DOUBT IT BUT.

okay but. just the image of this creepy cloaked looking figure sitting next to someone on the train is literally taking me out.

SEASON FINALE NEXT EP WOOP WOOP

[jellykittycatsmeowclarinet]

ive been experiencing this bizarre thing where like everyone i really really really REALLY dont expect to be interested in me sexually… or something along those lines… is… like older people or way old people or old friends or queer people who wouldnt expect to cross that line either because i wouldnt expect them to think im cool or desirable… or something and im just not sure why and im never sure to be flattered or uncomfortable… sometimes im totally curious but im worried my curiosity will end in discomfort or upset

like did i ask the universe for too much?

trying not to be repressed tho.

i keep pulling up to hang outs or just spaces feeling lame and not cute and just excited to hang and then feeling really unsure of whats happening

but i have been feeling hot and pretty and feeling like that only started last year for me

and im terrible at picking up on queues so part of me wonders if im just late to the party

another part of me wonders if its just awesome that literally everyone is somewhat horny and lonely?

and part of me thinks its because im a good listener because its always after chatting for a long while… but im actually just rly nosey

anyways im just feeling overall weird but not disgusted or that upset i think

maybe a little disappointed because i wonder if its just that people are giving me the time of day only because they think im hot or pretty… or none of thst and just that they think id fuck… such is the life of a girl or something close to it i guess. or maybe the life of someone who looks like an adult and ive just finally grown into an adult self

its hard to think of myself as a desirable thing no matter how many times it happens… i just feel forever like a freak child…

but its cool i guess

lets see what this summer brings me i guess 💋

[cursedvibes]

you!!! you get it!! yuki's entire existence feels like such a slap to the face for the spvs. shes the only one that escaped n has a ct but she still ended up fighting n dying for tengens sake, despite building up herself from the ground (i dont think the higher ups wouldve rly empathized with her situation, most definitely made it wayy more difficult to deal with, if geto n gojo had such a hard time she prolly got much worse 💀). i wonder what it wouldve been like to hear all the spv xP but alas we can only hope gege remembers this bit....yeah honestly i wish we got more drama out of their interactions n a bit of yukis own childhood instead of choso crying abt his brothers for the nth time 😭 pls tell me more abt the thoughts u have abt those two its always nice to read see ur thoughts (me who has read every single kenjin fic on your ao3 😁😁😁) the tengen situation rly showed who all read the manga n who all just saw the pictures n came up with their on hc for the situation 💀

Thank you for reading my fics <3 it means a lot to me

Well, we don't know if she's the only SPV with a CT, but I'm sure it's why she was able to escape. Riko doesn't seem to have one and that might be one of the reasons why Tengen saw her as an ideal candidate. We don't know about the other two that got merged, but it would make sense for Tengen to choose the ones that would have less means of defending themselves. The Heian one might've had one because that was probably still more of an experimental phase and she might have had less options, unlike now where there are multiple popping up in one generation and she picks the ones with characteristics she likes most and who probably also have a closer match.

So Tengen most likely knew Yuki's CT, but didn't tell the higher-ups, since Kenjaku got their help, but couldn't find it out. They basically promoted her to special grade based on mission results and I assume a good word from Tengen. That might've also helped her break through the glass ceiling of misogyny. As we see with Maki, it really doesn't matter how skilled you are, you can only advance as far as they let you and if you're a woman or they don't like you for some other reason, you're not getting anywhere. But she had her results to show off and what Tengen says goes, so they couldn't protest. It's impressive that she managed to keep her CT and status as former SPV a secret for so long, although the foreign missions definitely helped there.

I'd also like to have a bit more background on Yuki. Did she have the same religious upbringing as Riko? She was likely groomed into a sacrificial mindset too, so what made her be able to resist that? Did Tengen wait too long and teenage hormones ruined it for her? Just natural instincts? She is very rebellious in general after all. How did her first meeting with Tengen go down? So many questions that will likely never get answered. But that also means there is no limit for how we can imagine it all happening.

It's a real shame that Tengen and her intentions and past never really got questioned by anybody besides Kenjaku. Yuki has her complaints, but she ultimately doesn't do anything about them. Gojo suggested at one point to kill Tengen if she wants to force the merger with Riko, but apparently completely forgot about that once Toji came into the picture. He was so close to the root of the problem, but then didn't act on it. Riko would've died anyway, even if Toji wasn't around, just in a different way. And even if they managed to rescue Riko, it would've been some other kid that got sacrificed in her stead.

Mind you, I don't think Gojo could ultimately do anything against Tengen, certainly not at 16. He wouldn't even be able to touch her and she knows the capabilities of six eyes users better than everyone else. But I feel like an effort should have been made. The issue should be addressed. There could've been a lot of interesting stuff between Tengen and him too. After all, she also created him to make him protect her, so if he went against that, that would be a nice source of conflict. But I don't think he knows about his purpose and will likely never find out about it.

Either way, I would've liked more skepticism of Tengen in general. Kenjaku brings up right to Yuki's face that there is something very important about the Culling Game that Tengen has been keeping from them, but nobody fucking listens to them. It's so frustrating. Megumi also brings up that they should maybe not 100% trust Tengen, but nothing comes off it. The kids get so caught up in their plans and the opponents that keep popping up around them, that they forget who put them in this situation in the first place. That's how Tengen likes things to go I guess. Make people just forget about her and that's how she keeps getting away with it. And she relies a lot on the influence she established early on.

[mekatrio]

ok gushing abt the best thing ever aka case 4

was not expecting maya to get kidnapped at all... it was rly shocking to see phoenix completely lose his composure when he learned that she was kidnapped, bc this was the first time tht had ever really happened. throughout the game we had seen him act differently than usual whenever edgeworth was brought up, refusing to acknowledge him and even going as far as to snap at franziska. but to see him completely lose it and become so so panicked.. THAT WAS AWESOME!!! it was very suspenseful and unnerving in the best way like GRAGHHHHH and with some New Music too.. and it was really just emotional to see wright be so panicked and at his wit's end so many times throughout this case :( it did a really excellent job at solidifying just how much maya and phoenix mean to one another..🥲 and i was really touched by maya's (and pearl's!) unwavering faith that phoenix would save her 😭

phoenix's outburst at edgeworth was so surprising to me!!! i had absolutely no idea what edgeworth's return wouldve been like and how phoenix would react to him, but i was definitely not expecting FOR HIM TO SAY HE WISHED HE WAS DEAD LIKE BRO!!!!! but it does make sense for him to react this way, hes so fucking stressed abt maya its crazy, and edgeworth just returns smug af and speaking in riddles 💢 wright's reaction also gets further explained much later where its shown that in his grief and anger, he dealt with this loss by rationalizing that edgeworth had ran away bc phoenix dented his perfect record, and thats why he says it wouldve been better for edgeworth to have stayed dead; bc to cope, he had to characterize edgeworth as a coward. and 1.) i think its so interesting that we dont understand this until near the end, meaning we as players are left clueless abt phoenix's emotional state and 2.) THIS GIVES HIM SO MUCH DEPTH and further shows us how phoenix deals with loss, my personal interpretation w the info i have is that i think this motherfucker can barely deal with loss at all, and he had to believe that edgeworth was a coward who ran away rather than a victim of suicide or something, otherwise he wouldve lost it completely. but its open-ended enough tht it can be interpreted in a variety of ways WHICH IS AWESOME!!!! WOW!!!!!! The gradual unravelling of his emotional state is just SOOO FUCKING GOOD WHWHAHHS

speaking of edgeworth, bc he made an appearance so early in the case (i wasnt expecting him to be here day 1), i had wondered what role he would be fulfill, since we already have our prosecutor franziska.... AND THEN SHE GOT SHOT?!?!? AND EDGEWORTH IS OUR PROSECUTOR AGAIN?!?!? the stakes increased like fucking crazy.... both trial days were so good, 2nd one is my fave for reasons ill state later but this first one was still good too, bc i truly wasnt sure whether my client was guilty or not.. usually theres a more likelier culprit or the game just straight up shows the actual killer, but this time around it was so woahh cuz like andrews was very obviously lying which conveniently frames her as the killer, but then like maya got kidnapped and why would she be kidnapped if engarde is innocent.. also the fact that we needed to wrap this trial up in One Day was STRESS and then towards the end suddenly WHAT andrews is saying she isnt guilty?!?! randomly accusing people of murder is actually.. a bad thing to do?!?!? (<- sarcasm ive been criticizing phoenix for this this entire time) but yeah i was legitimately blindsided by the fact tht andrews was saying she wasnt guilty, it rly was a wake-up call for me and mr. wright cuz in every past case, unraveling inconsistencies brought us to the truth, and here we did that again, but in the panic to free maya, we didnt make our assumptions as airtight as it possibly could be and we basically almost fucking... punished an innocent person which is. insane. more on this (wright's manner of defense getting criticized) later..

also i was worried that id have to use andrews' mental illness against her to save maya which wouldve been a terrible terrible thing to do. luckily edgeworth is way edgier than i ever thought he could be and like a goddamn bastard he revealed her illness to everyone so i didnt have to. and yes towards the end that helps everyone including andrews, but at the time that was fucking FUCKEDDD up of him. my god. another note abt edgeworth, my memory is imperfect so maybe this isnt true at all, but in this trial it really did feel like edgeworth had changed a lot. like he actually gave wright multiple turns to speak, didnt rush the verdict, and when he saw wright's panic, he actually helped to prolong the trial..... like omg. hes no longer a von karma!!! THAT IS EPIC!!! but yes first trial day was crazily amazing, and when it ended with a new sprite of phoenix with his head in his hands that was really :((((( like that actually surprised tf out of me and made me so sad......

ok time to talk abt narumitsu. in this universe where every character behaves so over the top, more reigned-in and subtle emotional reactions tend to be much more striking and its bc of this reason that i find the interactions between wright and edgeworth to be soo compelling.. like its hard to explain cuz these guys do have their dramatic af moments, what with the way they are in court + faking suicide + phoenix's outburst, but their interactions are still grounded in a degree of subtlety, they dont have emotionally charged shouting matches or weep openly or whatever, and when they do lose composure, theres a gradual build-up to it. what im basically saying is that im a huge fan of the restraint in their relationship, i think it makes for an extremely interesting and enticing dynamic and their interactions in this last case was just so so good bc of this, phoenix is clearly still angry yet edgeworth is clearly trying to help him, and even tho hes still pissed wright accepts his help bc they are adults who have a job to do and its only towards the very end do they properly air out their feelings like Yesssss i love this. also!! i really liked how their roles have swapped around in this game, in the first game phoenix was saving edgeworth; he helped him realize the errors of his ways and later defended him when edgeworth was on trial, and now in this game edgeworth is returning the favor, and is making phoenix realize the error of HIS ways and is helping him to save maya... like that is GROWTH!!! and of course the way their rejection towards one another has swapped too, first game had edgeworth rejecting us and putting us down cuz we're rookies, and this time around wright is the one rejecting edgeworth cuz he thinks hes still a petty perfection-driven lawyer. but they still manage to bypass these presumptions and save one another. it came back full circle in such a great way that im like so satisfied with it to a point tht im curious if edgeworth will even do anything in the next game bc like is there anything more to be said and done??

moving on, 2nd trial is easily my favorite trial so far bc of how its such a subversion of everything ive came to expect from these trials, mia's wisdom of believing in your client no longer holds steadfast but i cant just out my client cuz 1.) i am a goddamn defense attorney and 2.) maya's life is being held ransom. and also like we have to prolong this trial for as long as possible so the cops can search for maya but we also cant just throw shit around and get penalties, we have to defend our client who we know is guilty but we cant defend him TOO well or andrews is going to the fucking gallows, god andrews... when i accused her AGAIN i prayed that she would beat the fuck out of me and edgeworth after the trial bc this poor innocent woman.. we have been putting her thru hell. and also like god wright's and edgeworth's roles has essentially been swapped around w the way i have to accuse an innocent person and edgeworth has to be the one to protect her like its CRAZY!!!! its mind games on mind games on mind games and everything is topsy turvy and so intense and still manages to be funny with phoenix throwing the phone across the goddamn courtroom but also sad with him breaking down towards the end and the TENSION with waiting for gumshoe to arrive with the evidence and FRANZISKA VON KARMA SAVING THE DAY like this last case was a such masterclass in pacing, every fucking beat just hit so precisely it was SUCH a good experience... WOAHHHH!!!

and ofc ive mentioned this already but seriously this case touched on everything i had wanted this series to touch on its like it read my mind or something hello....

like theres almost nothing i need to add on bc this case practically spelled everything out omg. throughout these past 2 games ive been giving phoenix shit for just randomly accusing witnesses of being perpetrators, and like i get it this is what phoenix has to do, bc he lives in a world where the justice system is so fucked up that people get accused w the filmiest of evidence and phoenix really does need to find the actual perpetrator to free his client, i get it. but in doing so we run the risk of accusing another innocent person of something they didnt do, bc a lot of the time we're accusing these people without decisive evidence. and thats what nearly happened in this case with ms andrews, she was innocent but we almost damned her for something she didnt do, which is greatly ironic considering that a large reason why phoenix became a lawyer was bc he was saved from a false conviction (a class trial, but still).

and the reason phoenix does this (this = somewhat baselessly accusing others of being guilty), is bc of what mia had taught him: to believe in your client. because our client is innocent, another party must be guilty. this is how we've handled every case so far. so during this engarde case, where we learn that our client actually is guilty, and phoenix starts to lose his mind… edgeworth tells wright his most vital lesson yet: that they are not heroes, they are lawyers.

brief mini tangent b4 i circle back to this idea of being a lawyer rather than a hero: while i was wrapping up that miserable experience of a third case, i was wondering to myself what the overarching message of this game would be. the only thing thts really been tying these past three cases together have been edgeworth's disappearance, compared to the first game which hinted at narumitsu's shared backstory + dl-6 which it then had its climax with. so obviously edgeworth will play a big role in this last case… but then what? what is he going to do? what message will he deliver? i didnt have a clue, and then the final case rolled in and the overarching message it delivered was this: being a lawyer isnt about saving people, nor is it about being a hero. this is why mia's belief of 'believing in your client' falls short, bc simply 'saving' someone bc u believe in their innocence isnt enough. otherwise, this would mean that those that we believe are guilty arent deserving of a defense, which is why wright was so conflicted upon learning of his client's crime. but this isnt what being a lawyer is about, instead its as edgeworth had said;

what it means to be a lawyer is to defend/prosecute to the best of your ability, regardless of your whether you believe the defendant is guilty or not. it means to have faith in the opposing party, and that if your claim is a false one, said opposing party will expose the faults in your claim. and as to whether the defendant is truly guilty or not, that can only be decided once both prosecution and defense have unveiled the truth together. this is what it means to have a fair trial, what it means to be a lawyer: it is about having faith in the ability of the opposing party, it's about being able to trust others. this is what edgeworth had learned in the year tht he's been gone, and is now here to teach to phoenix.

in this last case, wright finally learns what it fucking means to be a goddamn lawyer, what it really means to be a defense attorney. wright is able to defend engarde, despite knowing that he is guilty, bc he has faith in edgeworth's prosecuting abilities. it is thru their trust in one another that they were able to prolong the trial long enough for franziska to arrive with decisive evidence. as a lawyer, wright must be capable of defending even those who he believe may be criminals, bc a proper defense, fair trials, and justice, isnt something that can just be cherry-picked and handed out to select individuals. true justice is something that everyone deserves. justice… is.. for all…

JUSTICE FOR ALL!!!!!

this, of course, can only happen in a fair and just world, where neither defense or prosecution is corrupt with say, forged evidence and fabricated testimonies or whatever, and an unbiased judge. this world is clearly not ace attorney's world, nor is it our non-fictional world. but i still find it so remarkable that in this fictional world where the judicial system has been perverted nearly beyond recognition, these characters were still able to deliver this semblance of truth, and illustrate the purpose, function, and importance of a fair trial. i really do love it when stories use exaggerated and absurd environments to convey messages which are deeply relevant to our own world. and i find it especially neat how in the first game, it was the prosecutors who were being scrutinized; von karma's and lana skye's fabrications being brought to light, with edgeworth closely trailing behind the footsteps of these two. but this time around its the defense being scrutinized, with both phoenix's and mia's unwillingness to properly defend engarde coming back to bite them several times.

another neat thing is that i really like this dialogue from mia after the trial ends:

which is her referring to whichever choice we made right before franziska saved the day; either securing the non guilty verdict, or claiming that engarde is guilty. i was very happy to learn that mia says this regardless of which choice you pick, bc neither options are necessarily incorrect. if you say engarde is guilty, it means that being a lawyer means to believe in your own convictions and moral compass. if you secure a not guilty verdict for instead, it means being a lawyer, a defense lawyer, is about defending your client to the best of your ability, regardless of ur own personal beliefs. both of these are admirable traits to have in a lawyer which is why either choice are praised equally…. THIS CASE IS SO GOODFJSDLJFK

some other final comments before i wrap this up: i was so relieved to see andrews smile at the end of everything T_T i think shes a subtle parallel to wright, edgeworth, and franziska, as all four of them have lost their mentors and are struggling bc of it. all 4 of them were dependent on their mentors to various degrees, but by the end of the case, they are able to extract themselves from their mentors' shadows, and are able to forge a new path for themselves. wright learns that theres more to being an attorney than believing in one's client, edgeworth and franziska put von karma's legacy of perfection behind them, and andrews learns to be comfortable with herself 🥲🧡 also gumshoe was such a real one in this case…. i am so sorry for previously cussing you out when u wouldnt give me evidence. through our time together you have become a friend to me <3

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

pinkmoonmutual i think i have come to u about my adoring fixations on older men before. I woke up from a dream where I was hanging out with this guy I really like and it was so wonderful and perfect and exactly what I want from him....a very nice dream to have, and it fits into what ive been working on recently which is human relationships and figuring out what I want and how to have it... its difficult for me because I love people SO MUCH often after a very short amount of time, this is especially true of older people because I crave sibling affection I didn't get growing up but it happens with people my own age too. and ah idk I'm never sure how to express it to people because love and intensity are things most people only want and expect from romantic attraction. and I'm not opposed to that but especially with older men this becomes difficult because the people I love are not interested in dating people 10 years younger than them and really it would be inappropriate (this guy was my professor! not gonna happen!) and i just end up feeling really creepy and weird and not knowing what to do with this huge adoration and affection inside me. so tricky I really wish you could just be /in love/ with someone and tell them and have them see it as a nice thing and not me trying to get sex or romantic commitment from them. i wish i was a little dog so i could just curl up at his feet and have it be simple. guuuuhhhhhhhh honestly i just wanted to tell you about my crush. I only knew this guy for like a month and a half so its a bit silly but hes so pretty and smart and cool and really inspired me to live and pushed me in the direction im currently going. its just tricky tricky im probably over complicating it but do you think there's more to love than the relationships that people in our world expect? I love people like theyre a god TT .. even talking about it here feels vapid compared to how it is for me. anyway nice dream thanks universe and i hope the pinkmoonworld is nice today <3

i understand u <3 it is a vary nice day in pinkmoonworld thanku for the wish~~~i know this dilemma tho sigh , my thoughts below..

i always felt like my admiration of people was extreme & consuming , i still do to a certain extent its a big part of the reason WHY i became a bit withdrawn like i struggle w how attached i get to others. i dont want to ask for anything in return but i feel shame when people find me creepy lol. And even then, that shame isnt rly the reason i've become untrusting with my heart, cold ppl r the least of my worries, i understand them.. moreso it's dangerous for me when i encounter someone who recognizes i am This Way & instead of being plainly disinterested or aloof they consciously decide to Use my affections in a sinister manner for their own advantage. that's what's mainly caused me to bcome distant even tho i want to love those ppl too.

so despite distance i still need some outlet for these loveful feelings so i guess i've spent the past 5-ish years working on ways to be overly compassionate in a safer manner.. And a big part of that is that i rly find the purest form of love to be platonic love, when theres not really any expectations or prize for being close to someone yet u still are, that kind of love speaks the deepest to me. and it's funny because really shortly after i surrendered my quest for romantic love, like completely surrendered , is when i met SLIMBO, and thru my efforts to be a really good friend to them we ended up falling sooooooo deeply sincerely in love like nothing i;ve ever known. if we had rushed into a relationship idk if it wld be the same , like having it slowly blossom over the course of a few years w no pressure, it's the foundation upon which we could be SO deeply sure we would always be together.

So the way u speak of loving ur crush, i'd say, just continue to act kindly towards him and everyone else u encounter, with no expectations of them.. people really need this like i think everyone needs to know what it feels like to experience a True Friend a selfless friend. it's rare! i rarely meet anyone who i feel doesn't want *something* from me that i cant give them. and i dont even want to hold that against them! im just saying, what U feel is rare so u should embrace it. allow yourself to exude love as much as u can and that frequency will return to u, just like how it did for me and slimbo...And other friends ive made along the way ^_^ Follow you heart.. maybe he's older but who knows what could happen. i've dated ppl 10 years older than me cus i have always acted like grandpa. sometimes ppl will just see u for ur soul.

and maybe ur dream is pointing u in a right direction, idk, i confessed my love to slimbo a few days after having a dream that we held hands. Ofc we had been friends for 2 years by this point so the time felt right, not every dreams mean u should confess, but i feel like having a sweet dream such as that can be a sort of telepathic experience sometimes.. show a connection between you and him on the astral plane. Take time to enjoy life n enjoy having a crush too cus it can be really fun to feel that crazy over someone :] thats my thoughts.....good luck with your heart, PMD9 out !

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[toestalucia]

Kou: What? You don't…have chocolate for me this year? Can I ask why? >I heard that you can't give foxes chocolate.

LOSING MY MIND CUZ 1) <-person who literally sent that question (but seriously) to venom IM GONNNAAAAAAAA 2) captain bullying a 12yo AGAIN is so fkng funny to me. but also kou who at this point is ssooo honest.......no wonder he's getting teased LOL him & you are both so cute

Caro: Whether you're an artist or not, it's important to nurture your heart.

m...mahoyaku......

Lu Woh: Even more so if the purpose of such practice is meant for one who has piqued your interest for reproduction. I repeat—I am one of the Six Dragons.

THIS ONE MADE ME LOSE IT. LIKE FIRST HES ALL 'we 6 dragons dont need stuff like food etc to survive this is wasted provisions' THEN HE SAID THIS AND IMMMMMMMMMMMMM LMFAAOOOOOO would u like to speak with helel ben shalem about the bees and the flowers i think itd be hilarious af & hell for captain. lu woh who was too honest about vyrn to the point of pissing of captain (rare moment) to lu woh who says this i dont think i can do this anymore chat

Ragazzo: Wha? Ch-chocolate? For me? Ah… Well, I mean, it's not like I didn't notice your feelings for me or anything— Huh? You're…handing them out to everybody? R-right, yeah, I knew that. Yep. In other words, you're giving chocolate to all the crew members as a token of friendship. Thanks. I appreciate it.

ragazzo playing tough only to be hit with the 'actually i give everyone' IS SSOOOOO FUNNYYYYYY LOLLLLL GOD let this turn into captain teasing him every year. i need terrible pranks. i miss captain & seofon 'u give/get chocolate to/from other ppl?:(' shenanigans (pls read seofons vday & white days, comedy deluxe). that but onesided, considering ragazzo......

Freyr: I see. So you slipped off a cliff while trying to pick that fruit. That was rather reckless of you in such poor weather.

fullkawa honpo's alice mention !!!!!!! (its not)

Balurga: What? Your hand slipped because you were tired from staying up all night making chocolate? Skull: You stayed up? After spending the past couple days busy with requests? That means you've barely slept at all… Do you got chocolate for brains? Go to bed, right now! I'll tuck you in and sing you a lullaby if I have to! Balurga: Can't believe I'm saying this, but Skull's got the right idea. You don't gotta push yourself like that! Huh? You wanted to make chocolates for us that badly… Thanks for caring, but… I'd rather not have chocolate with your blood, sweat, and tears in it.

out of all of the new ones ive read so far this is the sweetest captain-wise,,,like...u absolute fool (endearing). also skull & balurga being so ????? go to BED!!!!!!!!! about it is something i rly like too. excellent. glad to see units & characters i rly like get seasonals i rly like

Lobelia: Let's make this a day to remember. Je t'aime, Captain.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Utsusemi: I know that this emotion can bring no joy to a courtesan, but I can't bring myself to throw it away. Therefore… I would leave it in your care. This savage, fiery emotion… You will find it in this box. If you doubt me, then witness it with your own eyes. Captain opens the box as if in a trance, only to let out a short cry when a spring propels something out of it at high speed. Utsusemi: He… Hehe… Hahaha! Well that was a cute reaction indeed! To think that a jack-in-the-box would be so effective…

KBJAFBJKADBJKAD PLEEEEAASSEEEEE BE PRANKING VDAY/WHITE DAY BUDDIES PLLEEASEE PLEEASEE CYGAMES I NEED THIS SO BAD...NOT THE JUMPSCARE...i need to read her fate eps shes growing on me sm just from the seasonals

Meg: Ehehe. Truth be told, Mari, the one I gave you has special ingredients and is different from the rest. I hope you like it. Mari: (Wow, you were so upfront about that, it may as well have been a wedding proposal!)

me when i read mhyk

Meg: By the way, Mari, did you happen to have any chocolate for Captain? Mari: Mm-hm, sure do. Here you go, Captain. A little thank-you for all you do for us. With all the delight of the proud victor of an imagined love triangle, Mari places a miniscule piece of chocolate on Captain's pinky.

LNKADNKLADNKLADNKLADNKLADNKLADNKLDNKLA?!?!?!?!?!?! MARI...CMON....................i actually was surprised she had choco for captain THEN SHE HIT ME WITH THAAAATTT................I KNOW U LOVE MEG BUT...........god im so thankful for the megmari unit. mari is excellent. the seasonal where shes like 'ill make sure the kitchen width is just right so our shoulders brush when we cook' ??????? u r my favorite person. also when mari thought deliford was in love with sandal. lord. u need to be in every single event

Cosmos: Thought one thing Satyr said remains a mystery to me. She mentioned that skydwellers "put their love" into the chocolate. I followed her instructions to whisper my feelings to the chocolate while making a heart shape with my hands. But I remain uncertain as to whether that affected the flavor.

WHAT IS SATYR TEACHING EVERYONEEEEEEEEEEE

[hertwood]

dts s5 e6-8

e6: -having flashbacks of having to defend oscar to my mom for this why does the show try to lean into otmar's perspective so heavily GROSS -nah im full tinhatting i do not remember this whole bit where everyone hypes up oscar in interview before he has his lil chat with mark netflix u slimey lil bitches -oh if i was here when this news broke summer break 2022. i would've been inconsolable. i'm sure it was nuts, ballistic. maybe it was good i wasnt there. idk if i could've handled it akldkfjadslkfjasdkfj -lando saying "i already am (leading the team)" was not that rude it was just the TRUTH sorry -daniel speaking italian is so important actually -"ive been in this sport for 25 years i know what im doing" king that only makes the fumble THAT much more embarrassing COME ON -otmar talking abt how well oscar took all the shit we offered aren't we owed a contract? reminds me of timeshare schemes like actually just u paid for xyz if you dont have a contract in place he doesnt owe u anything maybe do contracts better next time :) -unfortunately zak brown is right!! its a pr disaster is the 5 million worth it!!! and they didnt even get the 5 mil!!! how do lose ur job speedrun masterclass here!! -i do wonder how much netflix inflated daniel's chances for the alpine seat, bc from what i've heard it wasnt really in the conversation. idk i wasnt there but it would make sense for netflix to lean heavily into this narrative -did not realize liam was sitting Right There when pierre was askin abt the gossip aldfjaslkfjaksjdf -the way how in season 1 its like NO DANIEL DON"T LEAVE RED BULL i feel the same way abt pierre going to alpine. like ofc it made perfect sense at the time and you cant fault him for it but like no babygirl its bouta implode PLEASE -rip all the tiktok edits that were muted in the umg purge that paired "good luck to oscar" with "if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing." thank u taylor couldn't have said it better myself -"do you regret anything that's happened?" "um. no :)" U TELL EM BABY

e7: -i'm sorry but geri seemingly getting boiling water from a tap to make tea is so fucking insane rich person cursed -was originally gonna include this funny shot of christian standing looking out a balcony like sharpay evans in high school musical in my s5 gifset but due to recent events i will not :) -i just think. that including this whole bit abt how much checo loves his family in the same episode as the monaco gp where he allegedly cheated on his wife was a CHOICE. interesting. -lewis's monaco 2022 outfit is one of his best outfits ever. its so iconic 2 me -HI ALEX -so many cinematic parallels to discuss. s1 max putting it in the wall in practice and ruining his race to prove he was faster than daniel. known parallels to brocedes ALLEGEDLY trying to sabotage eachother by crashing in that corner in monaco. hmm hmm hmm. much to think -im sorry the sainz collision is just so goofy. i remember watching the replay of this quali and being bamboozled. befuddled. deeply amused. what a stupid fucking sport -'for fucks sa-........okay this is typical monaco isnt it" MAX GETS IT -i honestly dont mind wet monaco races just bc by nature of the track its on average slower therefore less dangerous. i'll take a wet monaco over a wet spa any damn day -ferrari's double pit fuck up is PEAK embarassing ferrari strats. like to do a bad strat is one thing but to just mess up the strat ur trying to do. peak biblically cursed charles leclerc moment

e8: -god i wish i got more into yukierre. i see the appeal. unfortunately they just dont give me brain worms -many thoughts. um i think focusing on yuki's temper is just. unfair. like sure he should work on it but thats an issue with many young drivers its not a unique failure on his part -i have given thoughts on japan '22 before i'm not rly gonna rehash but i really wish the didn't gloss over it on dts. i think it was an important moment in the sport to have a big conversation abt rain safety. -oh this nyck supercut is gonna be painful knowing where it goes :/ -god remember when ppl thought nyck was gonna lead the team? leave yuki in the dust? even /i/ had him above yuki in my preseason predictions isnt that insane? -"im happy, i'll take that, that you'll miss me at least 2 or 3 minutes" god forgot the most romcom ass shit since sebchals we'll start by holding hands -nando n lance having this crazy crash and now a year later they're fucking on the reg. happy 4 them

[blood-starved-beast]

what are your thoughts on zethrid and acxa being foils in the sense that zethrid was raised more within galran society since childhood while acxa wasnt? logically speaking i dont rly see the likeliness of that but it is interesting to think abt imo 🤔 its entirely possible that zethrid was also "born and bred in war" but sort of grew from it in a different way than acxa did? similar situations couldve let to their relationship/friendship/anything but ultimately different ideologies caused a rift

i sort of wonder where ezor fits into all of this but i cant rly think of anything for her 😭

They're foils yes.

We see from early on that Zethrid and Acxa have an antagonistic relationship. This is initially cause Zethrid and Acxa have contrasting philosophies: Zethrid is all about getting what she wants immediately and fuck everything in her path she is going to get it. Acxa works behind the scenes, plans things long term, gathers intel, and acts accordingly. In the wormhole tech piece mission, Acxa was constantly telling Zethrid to back down from destroying things, to stick to the plan

This is a reoccurring argument between them, and this conflict presents itself in various times later on in the form of Acxa's opposition to Zethrid's plan to carve out their own territory in space. There is Acxa's infiltration and the explosion in Zethzor's ship, after she abandoned them to find her own path, and it boils over the Grudge. It's clear this contrast between them is something the writers had in mind and there's a sense it was always going to end up like this.

So when Acxa tries to bridge a gap between her and Zethrid, it's interest that what connects them is how they both suffer from the same anger and resent from being discriminated against.

So they share that backstory. But unlike Acxa, I don't get the sense that Zethrid is very introspective about her experiences. Zethrid is deeply galra. Her plan to carve out a space for themselves speaks to a very galran mindset. Acxa connects to her through their shared discrimination, but beyond that I don't think Zethrid knows or cares about her heritage.

Interestingly enough, I believe Zethrid might descend from Kythran desert people, who as we see with Te-Osh, have very similar appearance to Zethrid in some ways.

The Kythran people claim to be neutral with regards to the Galran Empire, or at least told Pidge that. If Zethrid is half-Kythran desert tribe, then her experience with her non-Galran side is likely less complicated then Acxa's. That, however, doesn't detract from the discrimination she received from full-blooded Galra, and probably is why she isn't as invested in Empire reform the same way Acxa is.

Still, Zethrid is still very Galra, which if she wasn't rejected by her non-Galran side, speaks to her likely being raised by her Galran parent, if only to explain that experience. Which, given the Galra, likely raised in the military setting that led her to become the soldier we know. I don't think she grew up in a war zone either way, but was immersed in war culture none-the-less. This is why she doesn't see any other option than to become a warlord herself - that's the only way the Galra become strong and protect their own in her eyes. Maybe something happened to her possibly Kythran parent? And perhaps she sees it as a weakness of their blood, thus why she values strength so strong. Zethrid is very protective of Ezor, and assumes the role of the protector in their relationship as well.

Ezor is the "mediator/middle ground" of the group. She's the most empathetic of the team*, when she makes a blind joke she automatically apologizes to her, cause she's conscientious of Narti's feelings. She clocks that Acxa has something going on with Keith, cause unlike her Acxa is not very empathetic by nature, she needed a whole ass arc to realize that people have the capacity to change etc. Ezor was the one to point out to Acxa how dangerous Lotor is, the one to mourn Narti most overtly after Lotor killed her etc. She obviously is not a perfect mediator (she enjoys violence and cruelty too much to be effective at it) but still.

While Acxa and Zethrid are both spitfires in opposite directions (or more accurately, Acxa burns like how touching something very very cold burns), Ezor doesn't have the same level of ambition as either Zethrid or Acxa. She's Acxa's friend, Zethrid's wife, a part of their shared family. When she's out of the picture, the whole thing falls apart.

That being said - Ezor's backstory. Ezor develops a strong and present fear of Lotor after he raves about killing the Galra. I say that moment specifically is the key of the change, cause while she disliked him before for Narti, she willingly teams up with him to escape Honerva, even for a moment. She, out of all the generals, picks out that Lotor is dangerous, points it out to Acxa. She fears Lotor's return, even though she herself is now a warlord and could probably take him easily now, Sincline aside. After Acxa and Keith bomb them, she is the first to leave that life, further suggesting that being a Warlord for her doesn't provide in her eyes, the security she craves. Even then, we know she delights in punishment and torment, and it makes her feel better about her own fears, like a bully. This suggests that Ezor grew up in an environment where fear was rampant, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that she, like many bullies, was terrorized by the galra growing up.

She is least Galra-passing of all the generals: it's possible she's less than half galra, but Galran enough to use the tech. I headcanon she was raised non-Galran, hence why she's more empathetic than the rest of team Sincline, but her trauma made her vindicative. She craves security, and knowing the Galra have power, is likely why she teams up with Lotor initially, and goes along with Zethrid's plan. Acxa, who is assertive in her own right, was another option, and why she listened to her after they left Lotor, and after she left Zethrid. Her empathy led her to change on her own in a way that took longer for Acxa, and was difficult for it to click for Zethrid.

This is a long way to say - I think Zethrid grew up in Galran culture in a similar but different experience from Acxa. Whereas I headcanon Acxa to have a bad relationship with her non-Galran side, leading to her rejecting it, Zethrid has at best neutral relationship with it. She wasn't raised in the culture, but amongst Galra, leading to a very Galran mindset and point-of-view. I believe their shared experience of being rejected by the Galra led them to become close - or close as their anger would let them - and respect for each strength allowed them to work together, but their respective ideologies caused friction between them. Zethrid seems to like aggressive smaller women (Ezor, even Allura in that one scene), so I can see her being drawn to Acxa in a way. Ezor is more Zethrid's type, being someone Zethrid can protect, which is something that is nearly impossible to do with Acxa (like Keith, Acxa is unhinged about her plans and will stop at nothing to complete them). Ezor, with her empathy, is able to mediate both personalities but her trauma made it so she sought someone who was strong and she could feel safe around.

*which makes her cruel side all the more apparent see: when she tries to blow up Keith and Krolia with the Sincline ship in s6.