#but its important to look at yourself and notice if you are unconsciously following a pattern

[iidsch]

im all for transfem headcanons of characters but when the only female characters that get headcanoned as transwomen are the big/tall/muscular ones it's like hmmmmmmmm what are you implying. same with headcanoning petite/skinny/soft male characters as transmasc, like sometimes its important to stop for a sec and ask yourself if the decisions you are making are being influenced by some underlying (and bigoted) biases

[azrielsdove]

Don’t Blame Me: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: Violence, Suggestive

(loosely based on the don’t blame me x LWYMMD mashup from the eras tour ngl)

***

You heard a desperate, strangled shout of your name as he went down. You screamed, anger and fear taking over. No, no, no, you chanted in your head, diving in the direction Azriel had fallen. This couldn’t happen, not to him.

The two of you were sent on a mission to investigate unknown creatures breaching the borders of the Night Court. Rhys wasn’t even able to tell you what they were, just that they were more dangerous than anything you’d dealt with before. You had been given explicit instruction to leave once you found where they were residing and report back the location. From there a larger team would be sent out to eradicate the threat.

You had been tracking them carefully for days, trying to find their home base. You were beginning to think they didn’t have one, that these creatures were nomadic. Until an hour ago. Azriel had practically dragged you as high as you could go in the sky, pointing to a cluster of trees a while away. “There,” he explained, “they reconvene there during the day.” You nodded, preparing to fly back to Velaris and tell Rhys. Azriel caught your arm, shaking his head. “I want to track them a little longer. Make sure I have the pattern right so when we come back we can have the best chance at taking them out.”

You didn’t have a good feeling about staying out, but you agreed anyway. It was important to ensure the information you had was as detailed as possible. That’s how you ended up here, wind rushing past your face as you free fell down to where Azriel landed. Please be okay.

You dropped to the ground and surveyed the area for any sign of life. There was nothing there. If you hadn’t seen Azriel fall yourself you would have assumed nothing was ever down here. You took off through the trees, heading in the direction of what you assumed was their camp. You listened carefully for any sound, whether it be danger or Azriel himself. You were nearing the clearing he had spotted earlier when you heard a slow hum, ducking back behind a tree and tucking your wings tight against you. You poked your head out to watch two of the creatures move farther in the area, Azriel dragged between the two of them. Your heart ached at the blood running down his face and his limp body.

You followed the creatures until you were at the edge of the camp, watching their moves intently. The tied Azriel to a tree trunk, moving and muttering around him. You were taking in how many you saw, estimating that about 30 of these things were living here. Your nose wrinkled at the sight of the insect-like beings, their long stingers the supposed most dangerous part of them. The creatures were roughly the size of an Illyrian soldier, resembling wasps more than any type of fae. Large, disgusting wasps. The hum grew louder as what you supposed was the leader approached Azriel. Your toes curled as you watched the way it yanked his face up, inspecting the unconscious male.

It turned to one of its workers, a horrible clicking sound coming from its mouth. The other responded in the same way, the language grating against your ears. They turned back to Azriel, continuing to talk about him. You wished more than anything you could understand what they were saying. You looked over Azriel again, noticing that his blades were still strapped to his body. Did the creatures not realize what they were? Or were they truly so deadly they didn’t need to worry about disarming their enemies? A chill ran through your spine at the thought.

The leader let out a loud screech and the others filed into neat rows in front of it. You paled at the sight of them all together. What were you going to do? You desperately called for Rhys in your mind, knowing he likely would never hear you. Even if he did, how long would it take him to get here? Azriel might not have that much time left.

The leader gave some sort of command, and you watched in horrified shock as they all opened their mouths. Long, sharp, straw-like tubes came out, heading straight towards Azriel. You didn’t have time to think before you ran out there, quick enough to take them by surprise and get in front of him. The creatures all stopped, taking in this new sight in front of them. Adrenaline was pumping through your body, the only thought you had was to save Azriel.

Don’t blame me.

You pressed your back to his front, reaching behind to grab on to one of the swords strapped to his chest. Your warrior eyes darted around the creatures, desperately searching for any sign of weakness.

Don’t blame me.

The leader moved towards you, that horrible straw coming straight to your face instead. In a split-second decision you ripped the sword from its place on Azriel’s chest, a loud scream tearing from your throat as you swung. Tense silence spread through the woods, followed by a sickening squelch as the creature split in half.

Don’t blame me for what you made me do.

The other creatures all swarmed towards you at once, your screams and the sounds of bodies hitting the floor echoing through the woods around you. You became feral, tapping into the deepest parts of your Illyrian training. All you knew was to not let them touch Azriel. One of those horrid straws sank into your thigh, a searing pain ripping through your skin. You yelled, the next strike aimed at the creature who attacked. The wound burned like acid had been poured into your bloodstream, and knowing the way these creatures worked it probably had. You couldn’t let that stop you, not when Azriel was in danger.

Look what you made me do.

You fought back with more anger, cutting down creature after creature. You were a force of pure power, midnight blue siphons a thing of deadly beauty. Another straw embedded itself into your arm, the sword clanging to the ground. You wrapped your uninjured hand around the pulsating thing, ripping it out of your skin. You squeezed your hand around it, harder and harder until you felt the satisfying pop of it breaking. The creature it was attached to howled and you shot it square in the chest with your power. You looked around, noting there were only three of these left. Even with your arm and leg out of commission, you felt you could finish these last few off.

Don’t blame me, love made me crazy.

Your uninjured arm slid down, pulling out a dagger you had strapped to your thigh. You surveyed the three creatures around you, deciding to go for the middle one. You roared, jumping forward and latching on to the nasty beast. Your dagger rammed into its chest and you slid down, your weight pulling the blade down its body. It screeched as you were showered with its sticky green blood, collapsing backwards. You turned to the other two, adrenaline dulling the pain of your injuries as you pulled out a second dagger.

Oh, Lord save me, my drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life.

The two convened on you at the same time and you swung out both arms, spinning in a death dance with the blades. You landed on one knee in front of Azriel, twin thuds from behind you letting you know you struck true. Your breathing was heavy as you looked up, up into his wide eyes. He murmured your name and you dropped the daggers, the adrenaline rushing out of you. You winced at the sudden pain in your arm and leg, spreading quickly from your intense use of them. You fell forward, body shaking while you tried to push yourself up. You had to untie Azriel, he had to get out of here.

Don’t blame me, love made me crazy.

You forced yourself up with a cry, fingers undoing the knots the creatures had used to keep Azriel trapped. He pulled out of them the second he could, catching you as your weakened body fell against him. “I got you, I got you,” he whispered, cradling you tight to his chest before shooting off into the sky. Far, far away from the carnage you unleashed on those creatures who dared to threaten him.

***

“No, Rhys, i’ve never seen anything quite like it. She took out all of them. Heavily injured on top of that.” You recognized Azriel’s voice, muffled as if he was standing behind a door. You tried to open your eyes, but your eyelids felt as if they were ten thousand pounds each.

“That can’t be. You’re certain no one else was around? I’ve never heard of one single person taking out 30 of them. I’ve rarely heard of someone taking out just one on their own.” Rhysands voice was contemplative, trying to understand how you could have pulled off such a feat.

“I know that. I saw her do it Rhys. She was a true force of raw power.” Azriel sounded…in awe of you. You forced your eyes open, blinking as you adjusted to the soft light pouring in from the windows. You looked around the room, realizing Rhys and Azriel must be standing right outside the cracked door. You tried to sit up, a loud gasp of pain ripping from you at the action.

The sound alerted the two males outside, the door flinging open as they rushed in. “How are you feeling?” Azriel demanded, immediately coming to your side. You tried to sit again, the pain knocking the breath out of you. “Let me help,” he said softly, gently pulling you into a sitting position.

“I think i’m okay. In a lot of pain. What happened?” Your throat was sore, voice gravelly. You assumed you had been out for some time. Rhys observed you carefully, like you were a specimen he was investigating.

“You took on a hoard of those creatures. Alone. Do you remember that?” His question was almost accusatory, as if he didn’t believe the story.

You nodded. “Yes.” The reminder of those horrible bug creatures made you shiver, the sounds of them dying echoing in your ears.

“Can you show me? How you did it?” Rhys’ eyes bore into you, almost a threat. You stared right back, not appreciating the doubt from your friend.

“Go ahead. I have nothing to hide.” A claw stroked your mental shields and you dropped them easily. The memories of the fight began playing, the anger you felt overtaking your senses. If you hadn’t been there you wouldn’t have believed the strength you showed to defeat all of them. The reminder of your wounds stung your healing skin, Rhys even wincing as he watched. He could feel your rage, your power.

He could feel the dedication and love you felt towards Azriel.

You threw your shields back up at that, not wishing to let him in any further. He had seen enough. Rhys blinked at you, eyes flitting between you and Azriel. “I see,” he mused. “Well, you certainly did kill them all. That’s quite some feat of power. I think perhaps I should tell Cassian to up your training.” He winked at you and moved to leave the room. “I’ll let the healers know you are awake. I will be back later to check in.” He left, closing the door quietly behind him. Leaving you with Azriel.

Azriel, who was looking at you like you were the most delicate flower he had ever seen. “Are you sure you’re alright?” His concern struck a chord in you, a hand reaching out for his.

“I will be just fine. How are you? Is your head okay?” Your eyes scanned his hairline, relieved that there seemed to be no permanent damage.

“I’m good. My wounds weren’t half as bad as yours. They knocked me unconscious once I hit the ground.” His eyes lowered and he ran his thumb over your joined hands. “I should’ve been there for you. To help.”

You squeezed his hand in your own. “You were attacked, Az. I’m just glad I was able to get to you in time. If I were a moment later…” your voice trailed off and tears pricked at your eyes. Those straws were so close to stabbing into his body, sucking the life out of him.

“Hey,” he said, looking back up at you. “You saved my life. That’s all that matters.” He gave you a smile, your heart squeezing tight.

“Yea,” you agreed, even though you wished to say more. You wanted to tell him you loved him, be honest about your feelings. You were so close to losing him, to losing any chance to be with him. The fear of rejection stopped you from continuing, the way it always did.

Azriel was looking at you intently, eyes seeming to read your mind. You put on a small smile, pushing your feelings back down. His eyes dipped down to your lips, gaze heavy. Your heart skipped at his expression of hunger. “Az,” you whispered as he leaned closer to you.

“Hm?” He asked, not taking his eyes off your mouth.

“What are you doing?” Your voice was a whisper, so quiet you weren’t sure he could hear you.

“Something I should’ve done a long time ago.” He ducked his head down then, pressing his lips to yours. You went completely still at the touch of him, mind in overdrive. He began to pull away when you came to, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him back. You kissed him hard then, the way you wished you had when you thought he was going to die. When you thought you’d never get the chance to.

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you tight to him. You ignored the protest of pain in your arm and leg, focusing on the feel of Azriel pressed up against you. Of his mouth on yours. The way one of his hands began traveling down your thigh, fingers running along the edge of your nightgown. He bit gently on your lower lip, a silent question to open your mouth. You obliged, moaning at the taste of him. His fingers dug into your thigh at the noise and you let out a cry of pain.

Azriel pulled away from you quickly, apologizing immediately. “Maybe we should wait until you’re healed.” You sighed at the statement, but unfortunately agreed. You wanted to enjoy your first time tasting, feeling, loving Azriel. You pouted at him as he readjusted you, laying you back down on your pillows. He brushed a stray piece of hair off your forehead, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your skin. “I love you.”

Your heart was going to thud out of your chest. “I love you too.” Your declaration was a tad breathless, trying to decide if you could actually ignore the pain long enough to get on top of the male. He laughed, sensing your thoughts and gave you a soft kiss. You had waited so long for this moment, to have your love reciprocated.

“You need to rest.” He moved to hover slightly over you, carefully moving his way down your body. His fingers found the edge of your gown again, eyes looking up to yours from between your legs. “There are plenty of other ways I can please you.”

***

I needed to write something that was a request or a series, so this is what happened. I hope you guys enjoyed it!!! <3

[itsbenedict]

From the beginning | Previously | Coin standings | 5/23 | 0/9

Is their main problem hunger? Their chest cavity is being torn apart by some kind of steampunk salad, and their STINGY OUTLIER is down to like, 5%. Still- dammit, Jim. You're a hunter, not a doctor! You PICK UP THE GUN, turn, and FIRE at the oncoming monster.

Error: architectural entity field 0x07CF referenced without blueprint key. Update loop deferred until resource is released. Error 403: resource reclamation process not configured for I/O operations. Interactions with entities other than entity with field 0x07CF rejected. Error 403: resource reclamation process not configured for I/O operations. Interactions with entities other than entity with field 0x07CF rejected. Error 403: resource reclamation process not configured for I/O operations. Interactions with entities other than entity with field 0x07CF rejected. Error 403: resource reclamation process not configured for I/O operations. Interactions with entities other than entity with field 0x07CF rejected. Error 403: resource recla...

You fire the DENIAL OF SERVICE attack at the thing, and it stops in its tracks, frozen. You've bought yourself some time- but you can tell it's not spending much processing power on each of the requests from that bullet. You've got to move!

You hoist your partner onto your back, trying not to make contact with the churning gears, and as you do so you notice they're clutching what looks like the letter O. Not important- you run, you dash down the hall, you wall-jump up the damn elevator shaft, you get out of there.

You've bought yourself a moment to breathe- but that thing might be back. And with your unconscious partner... what do you even do, right now? You're starting to get seriously hungry, yourself...

The FILIAL TWINS have followed you, again. Persistent little fuckers. What do they want from you, anyway? Twin chow? Is that a thing?

There's a FLAP DISPARITY between you and your partner, who has wings but can't seem to move them. God, what happened to them? Can you even fix this?

The NON-WHITE TOAD is hopping along behind the twins. You guess it was afraid to follow you down there, but now it's back. Fair-weather friend, apparently.

There's a wizard with a little house, here. You're glad it's not homeless and it's A HOMED SORCERER, you guess. Is it going to help you?

Hey, someone's slaughtering endangered birds! Or extinct birds, even! You object to this course of action- what's with all the DODO OFFING?

Continued

[yandere--stuck]

Bad Blood - Yandere!Batman x Reader x Yandere!Joker

It wasn't just The Joker who had been watching you. And to a point, you were aware of that.

After all, that just came with the territory of being a minor celebrity within Gotham city. It wasn't often that those considered "famous" in Gotham didn't either have connections to the mafia or were locked up within Arkham or Blackgate. 

As a reporter, you were watched on the news, on the streets - occasionally approached by fans, at parties where you mingled with your peers or made connections. All rather normal, really.

But, there were times when you could just feel it in your bones. You were being watched.

Like in the dark of night, the moon following you on your walk home. Alone. When the light from street lamps bathed everything in orange. The streets empty, the occasional car zooming by. It was then that you had felt watched.

It was understandable, something innate in humans, to feel frightened of the dark and the paranoia of being alone. Our imaginations run wild, and we trick ourselves into thinking that there's something out there with us. Someone following our every move, hiding just out of sight. But, no matter how many times you swore you were being watched, nothing ever happened. No muggings, no stalkers, no threats. When you got back to your apartment, unlocking and then re-locking all six of the locks on your door, you were able to let out a sigh of relief - it was just your own paranoia getting the best of you. You weren't being followed. You could relax, knowing that it was all in your head.

But, it wasn't.

Your paranoia wasn't unfounded. The shiver of your spine at the feeling of being watched wasn't your mind tricking itself. But, of course, even when you'd turn around to try and spot someone, something, you hadn't been able to see him. He had hid in the shadows and crouched atop rooftops, keeping watch over you.

He had done so every night. The moment you left the studio, to when you started your walk, and then headed home. He even stuck around to peer through your window, making sure you were truly safe. It wasn't something any of the Robins or Oracle knew about - it wasn't something they had to know. Well… It's not like he exactly lied about what he was doing during the alotted time of your walk home. But, he also didnt want to admit it, either - not that he thought what he was doing was wrong, but… He just didn't want anyone to be worried. To get the wrong idea. And it rarely took time out of his nightly patrol, just fifteen minutes. It wasn't a big deal.

He was just protecting you. That was just his job. He was supposed to protect the people of Gotham. To protect you. He just had a… Fixation, that's all. And when Bruce gets fixated on something, it's like pulling teeth for him to keep away.

Bruce met you like he does with most reporters - at a charity event. He had seen your stories on the news a few times beforehand, and braced himself for the usual song and dance - Vicki Vale trying to score something on the record for something much juicier and personal than the cause he was donating to, or perhaps Jack Ryder trying to rile him up to get him to throw a fit for a story. He was pleasantly surprised, however, when you treated him like an actual person. Sure, it could be that you were off the clock - but really, when were reporters ever really off the clock?

Most people would bend over backwards to get themselves into Brice Wayne's good graces. But, you… You talked to him like he was no different than anyone else. Maybe a bit reserved, but you had only just met, after all. In spite of this, Bruce found himself able to relax, chatting with you about the party, about your days up to then, your different careers. Bruce felt like he could actually be himself. With you, he wasn't Batman, nor was he billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. He was just… Himself.

Him and you.

He decides to stick by your side most of the evening, you and him talking long into the night. About your lives, your worries, your hobbies, your interests. It had been so long since he talked about such personal things with someone, even Alfred. And you understand. You understand his worries of responsibility, the weight of the world among his shoulders, you understand the suffocation of isolation, you under his inability to move on from the trauma of his past, try as he might. You understand. Of course you do…

You acted as someone to vent to. A listening ear. You offered up advice, even if you might not have the right answers to his problem. Sure, you might not know the full extent of his stress, but it's the thought that counts. It's almost like this night was made for you and him. 

Something like, fate - that is, if Bruce had actually believed in something like that.

After that night, he found himself making a point to watch you on the news. The way you talked on the television is how you talked with him that night. Personable, comfortable, familiar. You might not be talking to him directly, but it warms his heart and staves off the icy chill of loneliness.

He went out of his way to find you during other important, publicized events. Most likely, you probably thought it was a coincidence that you kept finding yourself in his company. You most likely thought him as just an acquaintance, nothing more… But, oh, you meant so much to him.

And, oh, when you talked about Batman? Knowing that it was him you were talking about (even if you had no idea)... He'd be lying if it didn't make him a bit flustered. Your praises, the way you saw him as an inspiration, hoping after every mission that he was alright… And when you look into the camera and say to him, to Batman, through the screen, that you wish him a nice night and to be safe…?

God. He was smitten. And, really, that was his biggest mistake.

Feelings just made things complicated. He had learned that a long time ago. That everything he touched and loved was inevitably destroyed. It's why he works alone more often than not. He doesn't want someone getting hurt because of him ever again. Bruce has enemies, and Batman has even more. 

Even if he had tried to reach out to you as Bruce, as himself, who's to say you would have wanted to be with him? Why would someone like you want Bruce Wayne - someone who most of Gotham portrayed as an immature playboy who never got over the death of his parents. While the second part wasn't exactly wrong, the whole playboy thing was just a diversion. But, how in the hell was he supposed to explain that?

It was easier to just let you go. You'd be happier, and more importantly, safer without his presence in your life.

So, he satiated himself on watching you, protecting you from the shadows, and kept himself sane by rewatching footage of you he's stashed within your home and around your apartment building. If he adored you from afar, that wouldn't hurt anything, right?

… But now, he's wishing he had just taken the chance. He had been good, had left you alone.

And he watched as the helicopter you were in was shot down. Watched as the recording cut off. Heard as you screamed at the top of your lungs. He replayed what he had seen over and over in his mind, losing himself. Bruce had gone so tense in disbelief and grief and rage that by the time Alfred had brought him back to reality, his nails had dug into the armrest of his loveseat.

He had insisted to himself later that night that  investigating the scene of the crime wasn't fueled by personal connection or any feelings he may have. It was Batman's job. And if he ignores all the other bodies in favor of one that is presumed to be yours, it's just because he notices something different about it from the other's, that's all.

The body was decomposed far beyond that of the others, and had been exposed to the elements longer than the others. And to add onto that, the DNA sample Bruce had collected was matched with a body that had been gone missing from Gotham General.

Bruce's heart fluttered with hope and relief. You were alive, you had to be. But, just as quickly, realization crashed into him. If you were alive, it's only because Joker wanted you to be.

... What was he doing to you?

---

You stared down at the meal the Clown Prince of Crime had prepared for you - well, if you could call heating up a frozen dinner "preparing". It's not like you were exactly in a place to complain, though, considering the predicament you were stuck in.

Counting the time you had spent unconscious and Joker getting you situated and up to speed, it was most likely a few hours since the incident. You were feeling rather hungry… But, in spite of all of The Joker's lovey-dovey talk, you weren't quite sure if you could trust him to not serve you poisoned food. Even worse, however, was that you were still tied up - meaning the clown had to feed you, and you were even more unsure that he wouldn't kill you if you refused to eat.

In spite of the circumstances, and the dingy place you were trapped in, it wasn't exactly the worst. Hell, Joker had even lit up some candles for some mood lighting. Not exactly the worst "date", you had been on, sadly enough.

"Ready for some grub?" The Joker lurched into view, straightening his tie as he shot you a grin. "You must have worked up quite an appetite by now, considering all the excitement!"

You smiled in return, hoping it didn't look too strained as you nodded. You watched as he got his utensils ready, cutting up some of the food into smaller bites. You kept especially close attention on the hand holding a knife - though, it wasn't like you had any way to flee if he had decided to turn it on you.

The Joker stabbed at the food with a fork, setting down the knife, as he moved to raise your meal to your lips, while you attempted not to turn your head away. The fork approached closer and closer, and you tried to rid your mind of awful thoughts, like an eye being ripped out of its socket, implanted on the fork's tongues. But, then, The Joker suddenly stopped.

"Oh, silly me! I almost forgot," The Clown Prince set down the utensils, digging into the inside of his suit. With a flourish, he unveiled a bright, colorful, and clearly plastic flower, holding it out to you. "A present for you, m'dear! Go on, take a whiff."

You shook in your seat. Oh, God. You knew exactly where this was going. He had played you this whole time, like predators played with their food. He had made you think he had developed this obsession with you and managed to lull you into a false sense of security. And just when you were sure you were going to make it out of this situation alive, he planned to hit you with his trademark laughing gas and watch as you died.

You held back tears, shivering with fear and despair. And The Joker looked so happy, so encouraging. You were going to die. You had hit the end of the road.

You leaned forward, taking a breath through your nose-

And jumped, letting out a scream as the ceiling caved in, a dark figure crashing through. You whipped your head to face it- and winced as a small stream of water hit your cheek. Blinking once, twice, three times, you slowly turned to the clown and the trick flower in his hand.

Oh. So, it was just a regular trick flower. Not a deadly one. Okay. Okay, yeah. Sure. Great.

Groaning softly, your whole body went limp. You hung your head, shaking it slowly. Whatever. Whatever happened next, you didn't care. You were too exhausted.

"Aw, c'mon, Bats! Don'tcha know it's rude to upstage someone's act?" Joker asked. "Besides, you weren't invited to our little date night..."

...Batman?

From your periphery, you could see it. See him. 

Oh, thank God. Thank fucking God. You were saved! Batman was going to save you!

All the tiredness seemed to instantly fade as you were overwhelmed with adrenaline and relief. You were saved. You were saved. Batman was going to save you. Batman was going to protect you and make sure you were all right. You didn't have to worry or be scared anymore. Batman would do all of the worrying for you.

"You broke out of Arkham, killed innocent people, and kidnapped the sole survivor after almost killing them, as well," Batman seethed, his voice a growl. "You're going back to Arkham, and I'll be taking them with me, where they'll be safe."

"Hey! First off, the whole helicopter thing wasn't me, it was one of my boys. Well… To be fair, I had intended on killing them when we downed the thing, but eh, two birds with one stone, I suppose. I wouldn't even have been mad about it, if my darling reporter here hadn't almost been hurt in the crash," The Joker moved behind you, making you seize up as he grasped your shoulders, massaging them slightly. "And really, Bats, if this is some kind of jealousy thing, you could always just ask to share."

"You're insane." Batman spat.

"Babes, you really need to get some better material," The Clown tutted. "And I was being honest! I'm actually trying to communicate here," You were suddenly spun around, locking eyes with your hero. You shuddered as the Joker nuzzled you from behind, unable to stop your face from heating up. "What do you think, darling? How's about a three-way date with me and the big bad Bat?"

"I… I-I-" You stuttered, unable to get a coherent thought put as you burned with embarrassment.

Could anyone blame you for having a little  crush on Batman? You'd bet a good majority of Gothamites felt the same toward their dear Dark Knight. Hell, you'd even bet that some of the Rogues that the Caped Crusader went up against had feelings for him. It was pretty obvious the Joker did, at least.

And the Joker… He was a monster. A criminal. But, the time you've spent with him… Well, you could better understand how Dr. Quinnzel fell for the man. Despite your knowledge of the horrible crimes he committed, the way he treated you so kindly, it was hard to not get flustered, to not feel special. It was hard to ignore his humor, his affection for you, his pet names, his sweet gestures- no, no. This- this was ridiculous. You had to stop. You weren't thinking straight.

"Get your hands off of them!" The Bat spat.

"But I don't wanna!" Joker let out an exaggerated whine, before descending into giggles. Painted lips brushed against your neck. "Besides, I don't think they want me to…"

You felt hypersensitive, the brush of the Clown's lips drawing a whine from your throat.

Your eyes shot open wide as a pained scream ripped from Joker. You turned as best you could, watching the man stumble back, clutching his hand - a batarang sticking piercing through it, blood bubbling up from the wound and dripping to the floor.

The Joker hissed, bristling with rage. "Bats, why you-!"

In an instant, Batman shot put his batclaw, the claw digging into The Joker's suit, before retracting. The Joker stumbled as he rocketed forward, his face immediately colliding with Batman's fist. Before he could fall back, the Dark Knight caught him by the throat and squeezed. The Clown wheeled and coughed in shock at the closing of his windpipe and his desperation to breathe. The Bat slowly lifted another fist - and hit the other man so hard that even you winced. You watched as Joker fell onto his back with a low groan. The Batman stood above him, glowering and breathing heavily as he looked down on his nemesis.

"Batsy, babe… Ya know I love it when you play rough, but Jesus, warn a guy first, will ya?" The Joker laughed wearily, seemingly in a daze. 

Sneering, Batman grabbed his nemesis by his coat, tossing him aside onto his stomach. His foot came down to stomp onto his arm, making the other man whimper, and the Bat reached down to rip the batarang free from his hand, and in turn, ripping a scream from Joker's throat. Pulling out a pair of batcuffs, the Caped Crusader roughly restrained the man's arms, before lifting him to his feet.

"Careful with the merchandise…" The Joker grumbled.

With a second pair of cuffs, the Bat attached one of the cuffs to the Joker's ankle, the Clown laughing as he attempted to kick at the Bat to heed his progress, and then the other to a metal support pillar protruding from the floor.

And then, in the next instant, Batman was at your side, diligently working to free you from the shackles that bound you. As the restraints loosened, you took in a deep breath before letting out a shuddering sigh. You tried to stand, only for your legs to give out from under you - you had spent so long in that position that your legs had fallen asleep - but it was okay. Batman caught you. He caught you and he held you and pulled you into a hug. A gloved hand petted your hair soothingly.

"It's okay. You're safe, you're okay," The Bat rumbled. "I've got you."

This. This was what you loved most about The Batman. As much as he was revered for the fear he struck into the heart of evil, how he acted as a phantom in the night, fighting back against the criminals that roamed Gotham in the night… What you loved most was what came after. Your interviews with survivors of criminal attacks are what made you grow a fondness for the Dark Knight. How comforting they said he was. How he reassured them, made them feel safe. When he was there, they knew everything was okay. They knew they were safe. That everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

And you melted into his hold.

He continued to murmur reassurances as he began to massage your legs until the static feeling went away and you found the strength to stand - and even then, he let you lean against him as you walked out into the night together.

"You'll pay for this, Bats," The Joker spat, expression dark… Until he locked eyes with you, and his visage softened. "How about same time next week, love?"

Before you could think of responding, Batman pulled out of the building and far, far away from the madman within.

---

Bruce had to fight to keep his driving steady. His body was flooded with adrenaline and his heart rabitted a mile a minute. His entire being felt electric.

He had touched you, held you. And you held him back, reassured and calmed by him. It was everything he had dreamed of. You had leaned against for support and let him help you climb into the batmobile.

He had managed to track The Joker down to one of his usual hideouts that he and Harley stayed at - an old, abandoned amusement park that had been sold to him. Well, would have been sold to him, if he hadn't killed the owner of the property before they could seal the deal.

He kept sneaking glances at you from the corner of his eye. You, resting your head against the window, eyes shut as you tried to get some rest after everything you had been through. You could rest for as long as you liked. He was here now. Bruce would keep you safe.

Bruce took his usual shortcut into the batcave, driving into a cave opening just outside the manor, and you lifted your head, startled by the sudden turn and shift in light behind your eyes.

"Batman, where are we?"

Home.

You gasped as restraints wrapped over your ligaments, tying you down to the seat.

Bruce knew this was wrong. But, after such a long career as the Batman, he had learned that he often had to do the wrong thing in order to get the right outcome. He really wished there was any other way… But, you had a target on your head now. You'd be safe with him. He'd keep you deep within the batcave and visit you often. 

You sputtered, eyes wide with shock and disbelief and… Betrayal. Bruce hated the thought of you looking at him like that. He leaned over, softly pressing a kiss to your forehead. He felt you shiver under his touch.

He'd get you settled and comfortable. He'd reveal his true self to you at some point, but that was for later. You had been through enough for one night.

"You're safe now." Bruce lied promised. "I've got you."

[nicoleheichou]

Meant To Be - Chapter Eighty One: Do It Again?

☆ masterlist ☆ 《 prev | next 》

Summary: You become the assistant to one of, if not, the most successful businessmen in all of Tokyo and while working for him you meet his 2nd in command. How will things unfold when one is a hopeless romantic and believes in the idea of a soulmate while the other doesn't care for it and has already made up their mind not to give their soulmate a chance?

The day was meant to celebrate Mikey but you found yourself constantly glued to Draken's side. It wasn't that you chose to be by his side, but that you just naturally gravitated towards one another whenever it seemed like you drifted too far from each other. It's like you were both unconsciously seeking the other out.

And that's also how you found yourselves separated from the rest of the group after the second time of riding the swings. You were both a little dizzy from the ride and somehow while you were both trying to gather yourselves, because you two were together, you lost sight of your friends. But you hadn't realized until it was too late. "Just listen for Baji and Kaz's bickering and we should be able to find our way back to the group." Draken jokes and you can't help but giggle at the image because that's exactly how they've been the whole day.

You don't know when it happened, but at some point his arm found its way around your waist, but it didn't feel uncomfortable or weird at all. "I had a fun time today." He blurts out and you can't help but smile. "Me too. It's been awhile since I've been to an amusement park." You reply while glancing up at him, noticing that he was already looking at you.

You look around, trying to ignore his stare and also to try and figure out exactly where you were. Your eyes immediately notice the lights above you, in the daytime it didn't look as exciting, just another walkway, but at night, the lights that covered the walkway helped to add a magical touch to the atmosphere. It felt romantic even.

You turn back to him and you notice something different in the way he looks at you. You can already feel your face heating up at his gaze. There was something in the way that he was looking at you that just drew you in. You found yourself drawing closer to him and before you can register what's happening, you feel his lips on yours. You weren't anticipating kissing him today, but everything just felt right.

As cliché as it sounds, when you kissed, it felt like the bond between you had deepened. It felt like at this moment of time, this was exactly where you needed to be, where you were meant to be. He pulls away, as if realizing what he just did, the alarm on his face evident. "I'm sorry! I didn't plan on kissing you!" He says apologetically. "Well, I did plan on kissing you, but not today! We're supposed to be taking it slow. Forget I did anything!" He says panicking and you can't help but chuckle at the flustered state he was in.

"Ken, it's okay. I wanted it too." He relaxes at your statement before straightening up again. "In that case...can I do it again?" You nod and before you can get out another word, he's pulling you into another kiss. But before you can get too into it, you notice a flash go off. You both still, your eyes widening before pulling away and looking for the culprit.

"MIKEY! What the hell?!" Your eyes land on the man you're supposed to be celebrating today before letting out a groan. "Ugh. Mikey! You're so dead!" You say while loosening Draken's grip from your waist.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know the flash was on!!" Mikey says as Draken chases after him, a stream of profanities and threats falling from his lips.

Letting out a sigh, you follow after the two males, the memory of both kisses playing in your mind, bringing up other thoughts with it. What does that mean for the both of you? Weren't you guys taking it slow? And the most important thought, that you would most definitely want to kiss him again, hopefully sometime soon.

Of course we'd talk about the kiss more. Lol. Idk how I feel about this chapter tho.

Mikey just knows how to ruin the mood 😂

As usual, let me know your thoughts!

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[i05wook]

stress - yang jungwon

exam season was right around the corner for both you and jungwon, and with you having missed a fair few lessons this semester due to covid isolations, your english teacher asked jungwon to tutor you on the topics you missed for the exam.

you decided to meet at the campus library on a warm spring day, just weeks before the first english exam, prepared to spend a couple hours self-studying before jungwon would tutor you for the remainder of the time the library would be open that particular day.

during the self study period you both decided on, you were sat there as you tried to concentrate on the importance of each characters role in the book you had been told was on the exam, the murder of roger ackroyd. unfortunately none of the characters were going in, never mind how important of a role they played, or key quotes.

the inability to remember anything about the book overwhelmed you slowly, this was one of the most important exams you had to take and it was the only one that you could not comprehend anything for. the overwhelming information led to you unconsciously stimming in order to concentrate on the task you forced yourself to face.

the form of stimulation that day happened to be one of the not so healthy ones, picking the skin on your hands. at first it wasn’t that bad but slowly the picking of your skin in the same area became more and more aggressive, your hands became red raw where you had picked at them for the past fifteen minutes and it continued to go unnoticed by you.

but jungwon, not so much.

when he first noticed, he immediately reached for your hand and placed his own in its grasp, interlocked your fingers and snapped you out of your trancelike state. you looked at him confused as to why he grasped your hand tight, until he turned his hand over, yours now resting on top, he still held on to yours, and showed you the state you left your hands in.

unfortunately this had become a semi-normal occurrence for you when you were stressed or anxious. he pieced the clues together so easily. the days where you were given a lot of homework to do or you had an upcoming test, the following day, he saw you with plasters on your hands, your jumper pulled over your hands as well. he even picked up on the constant bouncing of your leg that occurred if both hands were occupied by something else. he felt bad that he had not noticed it earlier, especially after you were paired for so many projects in your english class.

he decided that the pair of you needed a break from your self study. he stood up, still holding on to your hand tightly, and dragged you out of the quiet library to the park across the road. you sat down on the swing set side by side, and he asked how you were feeling. you decided to tell him nothing but the truth. you told him about the stresses you felt with the upcoming exam and your inability to memorise the content needed.

despite being scared of crossing your boundaries, he knew that he needed to ask you whether it was a usual way for you to cope with stress. the answer, painfully obvious, but still he wished for you to confirm it. you heard the hesitation in his voice and could tell that he was concerned for you.

you told him it was, and that you usually only ever noticed when someone called you out on it, or when you took a break from work. at the same time as you told him, you looked down to the floor, embarrassed by the fact he had noticed such a thing that others never cared about.

when you looked back at your intertwined hand you noticed that you had been playing with his fingers, and especially twisting the ring that sat on his index finger, the one that he shared with his group mates. instantly you stopped playing with his ring and tried to pull your hand away from him, yet he did not allow you to disconnect your hands, and continued the conversation that you were having which indicated that he didn’t mind the small movements you were making.

after around thirty minutes he stood up from the swing set and pulled you up, leading you back toward the library to continue your revision session, he still held on to your hand tightly whilst he tutored you allowing you to keep playing with his hands to prevent you from picking at your hands.

he took his time as he explained everything slowly and simply, he constantly checked you understood the material before he moved on to the next bit of information. at the end of your session together, you planned to do another one right before the exam. the following day, he entered your classroom, and handed you a file of notes.

his notes.

he had photocopied and annotated them all with simpler explanations of theories and concepts, as well as coloured coded the themes accordingly. he had even drawn little doodles of cartoon characters with little encouraging messages on post-it notes at the bottom of each page.m

requests: open!!

🧷 permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @hyunjinsr @enhacolor @acaiasahi @jakekgs

©byeolwonnie 2022

[rubysunnday]

it’s a love story

a/n: this is a looonnnggg one, but i enjoyed writing it a lot. Thank you to @gryffindors-weasley who’s stories have inspired this one - if you want more sweet Colin please go read their stories!

words: 3,703

summary: Y/N has loved Colin since they were children but it was one-sided. She was content to stand aside and watch Colin move on without her. Until Marina.

Unrequited love hurt.

It was easy to lose yourself in night-time fantasies of a life with the one person you loved - dreaming of your wedding, your house and the day they confessed their feelings to you.

Y/N had loved Colin ever since she’d been a child. It’d started off as nothing more than platonic love - they’d been best friends since childhood, and they’d stayed close over the years as they both grew up and turned into something that vaguely resembled adults.

She’d never revealed how she felt to him. Y/N didn’t want to tell him and run the risk of ruining their friendship. She simply stood aside and watched him flirt with and at almost every woman in London. It never bothered her - it was how Colin was. He flirted and played around but never settled.

Until Marina.

Y/N hadn’t thought twice about how he flirted at Marina. Admittedly, it had hurt to see how close they’d been at Daphne’s wedding party and how besotted Colin seemed to be with her. But Y/N had just thought Marina was another passing fancy who would be married and vanished after the season ended.

But the garden party changed that.

She hadn’t wanted to go. Ever since Daphne’s wedding she’d been keeping her distance from Colin and the Bridgerton House in general, not wanting to set herself up for anymore heart ache and pain then what she was mentally prepared for.

As her carriage pulled up to the gardens, Y/N felt her hands begin to shake. It was ridiculous how nervous she was - nothing had even happened yet! She was just nervous to see Colin and have to disguise her feelings from him and Marina.

Before the wheels of her carriage had even stopped rolling, Eloise ran over and flung open the door, looking up at Y/N expectantly. Benedict reluctantly chased after his sister after his mother shoved him in Eloise’s vague, general direction.

Eloise squinted up at her, attempting to read Y/N’s mind. “Nope, you’re not running away,” she said, reaching up and grabbing her friends’ hand and practically pulling her out the carriage, sensing Y/N’s desire to be anywhere other than there.

“Oh, Eloise, don’t start,” Y/N complained, barely catching herself on Benedict’s outstretched arm as she missed the step entirely and lost her footing.

“If I have to suffer, you have to suffer,” Eloise replied, almost pouting.

Y/N sighed, still clutching Benedict’s arm as she regained her sense. “Eloise, I don’t want to be here. I can’t cope with... well, that,” she waved a hand in the vague general direction of where Colin was.

“And I can’t cope with my mother doing what she does best,” Eloise shot back, snatching Y/N’s hand and pulling her into the gardens. “Now, come along, dear Y/N.”

Not trusting her friend, Y/N grabbed Benedict’s hand and dragged the man along with her, ignoring his muttered complaints as he reluctantly followed after his sister.

Everything seemed to be going fine. Y/N hovered around Benedict and Anthony, making small talk with the two and strategically avoiding looking at or being in the vicinity of Colin and having to talk to him.

Every time she looked over at him, he was with Marina, smiling dumbly at something she’d said and looking stupidly doe-eyed at her.

Marina hadn’t done anything to Y/N and was probably a lovely person, but she still infuriated Y/N beyond belief for no reason at all. Her mere existence irritated her.

Benedict looked up, having asked Y/N a question that had been met with silence. He noticed her staring at Colin and nudged Y/N’s arm. “Stop staring.”

Y/N blinked and turned her head away from Colin, plucking an invisible thread off the cuff of her dress. “Thanks,” she muttered quietly. She hadn’t realised she’d been noticeably staring.

Despite never saying anything, both Eloise and Benedict - and presumably the rest of the Bridgerton household since neither sibling could keep their mouths shut - knew about Y/N’s unrequited love for Colin.

When they’d been children, Colin and Y/N had gotten ‘married’ in the back garden of Bridgerton House. It’d been a big event involving all the family and the staff and had ultimately ended in the two getting a ‘divorce’ that evening when Colin threw a carrot at Y/N. But it’d been obvious even then how perfect they were for the other.

Y/N looked up as someone gently knocked their knife against their glass. Her heart almost stopped when she realised it was Colin and that Marina was standing next to him looking very pleased.

“May I have everyone’s attention?” Colin asked as silence fell over the gathered party.

Y/N was trying not to think the worse. She could see the confusion on Anthony’s face at what his brother was about to do but Y/N knew, deep down, what was about to happen.

“I would like to make a small but important announcement,” Colin continued, practically beaming. “I have happy news to impart.”

Y/N could hear her heart beating. She knew what was coming. There was nothing else that Colin could say that would make sense and that would make Marina smile so much. She unconsciously reached out her hand and grabbed Anthony’s arm, squeezing it tightly.

“I have asked Miss Marina Thompson to be my wife, and she has accepted.”

Everyone around them gasped in delight. Benedict was smiling, Lady Featherington was beaming, and Anthony looked like he was about to throttle someone.

Y/N felt as if her entire life was falling apart in front of her. She’d lost the one thing that meant everything to her to someone else. Her grip on Anthony’s arm increased and he looked over at her.

“Smile,” Anthony whispered, despite his own surprise and anger. “And go congratulate them.”

It took a moment for Y/N’s mind to realise that Anthony had even spoken. But a moment later she nodded, plastered a smile to her face and approached Colin and Marina with false joy and gratitude despite the fact her heart was breaking apart inside her.

For the rest of the week, Y/N stayed at home. Despite the invitation being extended to her to join the Featherington’s and a few of the Bridgerton’s for dinner, she declined it, unable to bear the pain of seeing Colin and Marina stare lovingly at one another.

The seventh day of hiding dawned annoyingly early and Y/N, who felt as if she hadn’t slept in months, found herself pottering around her house with no purpose in mind.

“Miss Y/L/N.”

Y/N turned around to face her butler. “Yes, Simmons?”

“Miss Eloise Bridgerton is here to see you, ma’am. She’s refusing to leave.”

Y/N sighed and pursed her lips. “Of course, she is,” she muttered. “Where is she?”

Simmons gestured to the lounge and Y/N headed down the corridor towards the room.

“Eloise, I swear -” Y/N cut herself off abruptly at the pained yet excited look on Eloise’s face as the woman ran up to her and all but crashed into her.

“The engagement is off,” Eloise said all at once, her excitement overtaking her need to speak.

Y/N blinked. “I - what is off?”

“Colin and Marina Thompson’s engagement,” Eloise said again, elaborating a little more. Y/N blinked again. “What?”

Eloise grabbed Y/N’s hand and dragged her into the living room, thrusting the latest Lady Whistledown into her hands.

Y/N hadn't read it in the past week - every page being focused on Colin and Marina and how happy Daphne and the duke had seemed. Every description of anything related to love added insult to injury.

She scanned it quickly and stared at the words with wide eyes. The paper fell from her hands as she looked up at Eloise.

“She... she’s pregnant?” Y/N whispered, almost not daring to say it. “What, when, how - I mean, I know how but...”

“I didn’t know how,” Eloise admittedly sheepishly.

Y/N’s head shot up, Colin and Marina forgotten. “How did you not know? You grew up with three older brothers!”

Eloise shrugged. “It just... never came up. Anyway,” she fluttered the piece of paper in font of Y/N’s face, “Colin’s free.”

“Eloise -”

“What? Y/N, there is nothing standing between you and Colin.”

Y/N sighed and slowly sat down on the sofa. “Eloise, your family’s reputation is... in a treacherous position. If I’m seen flinging myself at Colin to try and benefit from this... I’m not that sort of person. Maybe in a few weeks when its all calmed down...”

Eloise looked her friend up and down. She sat down next to her and took her hand. “Okay. I don’t agree with it but, okay.”

Over the next few days, Y/N began spending more time around the Bridgerton’s, visiting their house like she had before Colin’s proposal.

All of the Bridgerton’s, bar Colin, knew why Y/N had vanished for a few days but said nothing of her sudden re-appearance. Y/N put it down to feeling ill - she tried not to fall apart when Colin asked after her with concern in his voice and worry in his eyes.

“I’m fine now,” Y/N told him, smiling. “Just a blip.”

“Good,” Colin replied, matching her smile.

Y/N sipped on her tea, casting her eyes down as she felt her stomach flutter at the sight of his smile - even if it didn’t reach his eyes. “Are you attending the Queen’s garden party tomorrow?” Y/N asked, setting her cup down on its saucer with a soft clink.

Colin nodded. “Daphne and the duke are back in town... so, yes, we’re all going to be attending. Are you...”

“Yes, I’ll be there,” Y/N replied, trying not to smile at the palpable relief that appeared on Colin’s face at her answer.

Despite everything that had happened over the past few days, Colin and Y/N’s relationship hadn’t changed. Yes, Y/N was still longing after someone she would likely never have but she’d missed her best friend too much to sulk in her own misery for much longer.

The day of the Queen’s Garden Party, Y/N joined the Bridgerton’s, walking in with the family, her arm in Colin’s.

“Isn’t this lovely?” Violet asked, smiling as she put her arm around Hyacinth. “All of us together again. And Y/N.”

Y/N laughed. “Thanks, Lady Bridgerton.”

“Yes, it’s lovely indeed. We should tempt scandal more often,” Colin muttered. He grunted lightly as Y/N elbowed him in the stomach. “Ow.”

“Hush,” Y/N replied. She was highly aware of everyone staring at them - a given considering the scandal that Marina had brought down upon the Bridgerton’s.

After a few minutes, and after the Queen had accosted Daphne and the duke, Y/N wandered off from the Bridgerton’s, mingling with the other guests and indulging herself in a glass of lemonade and a biscuit.

“Oh, Miss Y/L/N!”

Y/N closed her eyes at the shrill, grating voice of Cressida Cowper. She was the last person she’d wanted to see let along speak to. Y/N plastered a smile to her face and turned to face Cressida.

“Miss Cowper, how are you?” Y/N asked.

“I’m wonderful, thank you. I just wanted to know what you think you’re doing,” Cressida replied, her tone cheerful but the words sounded and felt forced.

Y/N frowned. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Cressida.”

“Mr Bridgerton - Colin, I mean. You’ve been fawning all over him since the news about Miss Thompson broke -”

“I haven’t been fawning, I’ve been trying to be a good friend,” Y/N replied slowly, her frown deepening.

Cressida waved a hand dismissively. “Yes, yes, but we all know that your ‘friendship’ is a disguise for your unrequited love for Mr Bridgerton.”

The empty glass in Y/N’s hand all most fell to the floor, but she kept a tight grip on it as she looked at Cressida. “Excuse me?”

“Well, it’s well known that you are in love with Colin and that he doesn’t know. And if he did, well, that would be your friendship over, wouldn’t! Perhaps you are even Lady Whistledown and wrote that article on Miss Thompson to have Colin all to yourself.”

“I don’t know what you’re implying here, Cressida -”

“Oh, I’m not implying anything, Y/N,” Cressida replied, smiling slyly. “We both know the truth about your relationship with Colin. I just can’t imagine how hurt he would be if Lady Whistledown turned out to be you. Besides, it’s not like you actually think he could possibly love you? You don’t deserve him.”

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” Colin asked, stepping into the conversation and putting a hand on the small of Y/N’s back.

Y/N turned her head away and, despite the tightness in her throat, swallowed and smiled. “Yes, Miss Cowper was just leaving,” she said firmly.

Cressida all but stamped her foot as she turned and flounced off. Colin watched her go and then turned back to Y/N, frowning in concern. He was no stranger to the stings Cressida and her mother often gave out to the Ton.

“What was that about?” Colin asked. “I didn’t really hear much -”

“Nothing,” Y/N cut in. Colin’s hand was still resting on her back and she could feel the heat of his hand seeping through the light pink silk of her dress. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t just be friends and pretend her feelings didn’t exist when they did.  She took a shaky breath in, clenching her lace gloved hands tightly as they shook. “Excuse me.”

Ignoring Colin’s worried and hurt expression, Y/N stepped away from him and walked off towards the back of the gardens in search for some peace and quiet.

Y/N found a small side garden amongst the hedges and darted into it, kicking the small white picket fence gate shut behind her - forming a very pathetic barrier that Colin could probably climb over.

Cressida had always had the ability to get under her skin. Normally she would simply forget and move on with her day but everything Cressida had said - minus the Lady Whistledown accusation - was true.

She didn’t deserve Colin. That was partly why she’d been so content to let him marry Marina - because she didn’t deserve him. And why would he love her? Compared to Marina and every other women Colin had flirted at or with, she wasn’t much of anything.

“Y/N?”

Y/N closed her eyes at the sound of Colin’s voice, mentally wishing him away. She refused to turn around and face him - she could feel the emotions beginning to win over her and could feel her eyes burning.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? What did Cressida say?” Colin asked, walking up to her and putting a hand on her back where the fabric was nothing more than a sheer covering.

Y/N could feel the heat of his skin and the soft skin of his hand and suddenly wanted him to just go away and never speak to her again because it would make things so much easier.

“Nothing that wasn’t true,” Y/N said softly, a stray tear escaping her eye and dripping on to her cheek. She felt Colin still and knew he’d heard at least some of what Cressida had said. “You heard, didn’t you?” Y/N asked quietly.

Colin didn’t answer for a moment. “I... I heard the last few sentences.”

Y/N laughed humourlessly. “Of course, you did,” she said, her laugh mixing with sobs. She turned around to face her best friend with tears in her eyes.

Colin looked at her, stunned by the broken expression on her face. In the years he’d known her, the only time he’d seen her that broken had been when her mother had passed away and she’d sobbed into his arms all night. “Y/N/N...”

“No,” Y/N stepped to the side, away from Colin’s outstretched hand. “No, I’m sorry.” She inhaled sharply. “I can’t... I can’t do this. I know - I can’t.”

Colin lunged forward and grabbed Y/N’s wrist as she turned to go, yanking her to a halt and forcing her to look at him. “Y/N, wait.”

“What, Colin? So, you can make fun of the fact that I’ve been on love with my best friend since I was sixteen?”

“No, I just... I need an explanation - I need someone to explain because my head is spinning,” Colin replied. “I don’t understand.”

Y/N sniffed, looking down at the grass. “You own my heart, Colin,” she said simply. She looked up. “When I dream of my future it's with you. You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with - the one I see myself loving until I die.”

Y/N paused, swallowing down the tears that wanted to fall. She had to say this now, to get it over with and make it clear. Even though it was physically hurting her. “And I know you don’t feel the same way so, we can just leave this here. Nothing else has to be said about it. I’ll leave and we don’t have to speak of this again - or even see each other if that’s what you want.”

Colin said nothing. He was too stunned and surprised by the sudden confession and the events of the past few days to form a sentence. Y/N nodded sadly, taking his silence as her answer, and left the gardens.

She tried to hide her tear-stained face and broken heart as she emerged back into the main party. She’d arrived with the Bridgerton’s and had no way of getting home without them. Y/N spotted Anthony near the entrance and quickly made her way over to him, desperate to leave before anyone cornered her or spoke to her.

“Anthony,” Y/N said softly, nudging his arm.

Anthony turned around as the people he had been talking to walked off. It took him all of thirty seconds to take in her teary eyes, her shaking hands and the broken look on her face. “Y/N...”

“I’d like to go home, please,” she said quietly, her voice breaking on the last few words.

Anthony, to his credit, didn’t ask why. He nodded and took her arm, steering her out the garden. He caught Benedict as they passed, the two sharing a quick and quiet conversation. She caught the pitying stare Benedict gave her, the simple action making her tears free fall once again.

The carriage they had arrived in wasn’t waiting out front for them. Anthony looked around for it but saw no sign.

“I’ll be back, are you alright to stay here?”

“I’ll be fine,” Y/N replied, nodding.

Anthony squeezed her shoulder and walked off with a determined stride to find their carriage.

“Y/N!”

Y/N closed her eyes and turned around. “Colin, don’t -”

Colin skidded to a halt in front of Y/N, scattering the pebbles of the driveway with his sudden stop. He was panting, as if he’d ran from the garden to the driveway without stopping.

“Just, listen,” he said, cutting her off. “I... I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say.”

“I know, you don’t like me, it’s fine -”

“Will you,” Colin walked forward until he was inches away from her, “just listen?” He took her gloved hand and held it in his. “I didn’t say anything because you caught me entirely off guard. The past few days have been chaos and I need a moment to think. Because the last thing I expected was you to declare your love to me in a garden on a random Thursday. The truth is, Y/N, is that I have loved you ever since we had our wedding in the gardens of my house.”

Y/N let out a snort of laughter despite her tears. “I thought you didn’t want me,” she said softly, looking up at him. “Why would you? I don’t deserve you -”

“That,” Colin said, putting a hand on Y/N’s cheek and wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb, “sounds suspiciously like the words of a Cowper. Y/N, I love you. I thought you didn’t want me!”

Y/N laughed tearfully and leant into Colin’s hand, still resting on her cheek. “We’re idiots.”

“That we are,” Colin agreed, nodding. “Y/N... the way I feel when I’m with you... there is nothing on this earth that is comparable. I’ve been waiting my entire life for you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I thought Marina would be the one to make me forget you but every time I looked at her... I thought of you. I thought about how much I want to kiss you -”

“Then kiss me,” Y/N said, her voice not much more than a whisper. “And make it a good one, Colin.”

And suddenly his lips were on hers and there was a hunger and a need as he kissed her. His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her against his chest. Y/N’s hand went to the back of his head, her fingers combing through his curls. She could feel his heart pounding and could feel the warmth from his skin as his hand moved up her back.

It was years of waiting and pining and wanting the other. Y/N needed Colin like she needed to breathe, and Colin needed Y/N like he needed water to live.

Y/N reluctantly pulled away from Colin, her hand still in his hair. She rested her forehead against his. “I love you.”

Colin rested his forehead on hers. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again, staring at her. His hand was on her waist and the other one was on the back of her neck, stroking the skin gently. “I love you too.”

“So... are we organising another wedding?”

Y/N dropped her head on to Colin’s shoulder at the sound of Anthony’s voice and groaned loudly.  “Seriously, Anthony?!”

“You two kissed in the driveway,” Anthony pointed out, crossing his arms and attempting to look intimidating despite the stupid grin on his face. “Now, are we going or staying, because I’ve still yet to find our carriage.”

“We can stay,” Y/N replied, her hand entwined with Colin’s. “And when we walk back in there, we’re going to break the Ton.”

[widow-maximov]

Surprise..?

Pairing: Natasha x Reader

Warning: Language, lots of fluff, maybe angst..

Summary: Being an Avenger is exhausting, your girlfriend Natasha decides to surprise you... Will you be thrilled?

Word count: 6.8k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Having a simple life as an Avenger was definitely out of the window, this job required very high skills and concentration, especially if you have powers you need to know what you are doing so you don't end up hurting someone.

But the thing is, no one warns you how extreme this job can get, from watching people dying to not being able to find a solution to huge problems.

All of this pulls down on the reputation of Avengers which isn't good at all, watching as the news pull your name down is horrible to watch, which motives a lot of people but some only blame themselves for not doing something in that moment.

That happened to you, once. When you joined the Avengers you expected things to be hard of course but when you were sent out to your mission, it seemed like everything was going good and smooth.

So you started to like missions and started to take more for experience of course you was companied with your teammates for the time being until you gained enough skills and knowledge to do anything by yourself.

There is this one mission you'll never forget...

You woke up in the morning feeling confident about this missions, you were brief the day before by Steve, he went over with you what you need and how to take it.

You were suppose to get this important piece of paper and with your camouflage powers, they thought it would be best to let you go alone, Steve and Tony were convinced you have enough knowledge to do this by yourself.

Some teammates still insisted on coming along with you but they were told no by Steve and you felt a little proud that within couple of these months here, you were able to score your own mission.

Natasha was one of those teammates who insisted on coming, she wanted to ensure you didn't get hurt, during the shoot out but Steve was quick to shutting her out from any information.

He knew that Natasha would end up following you and jeopardising the mission leaving the Avengers empty handed again. He was exhausted with his teammates coming back from missions beating to the point where they would spend weeks in the medical wing.

Every time Steve sent out a group of people, they were always ambushed and over powered by their enemy so getting that paper was very important and if that meant having Natasha angry at him for some time, he took those chances.

She was left out in the dark which she hated so much, Natasha wanted to help but she could only hope nothing would happen to you, she made sure to train you just before you left for the mission.

She definitely didn't want to say goodbye with words, so training had to do for now. You were exhausted by the end of the session with her but still had enough energy to pull her into a hug before actually leaving.

Everyone knew apart from Natasha that you liked her, everyone knew apart from you that Natasha liked you too which only frustrated the team mates that shipped you in secret.

It was nice watching Natasha crumble under your touch, she would melt into your hugs and you would melt under her gaze, it was very visible about how oblivious the two of you were.

Which was really difficult for Natasha to see you go off on your own, she just wanted to make sure you would be fine in the end but only time could tell.

You were pretty successful on your own, you managed to access the room that stored the paper, you only needed to knock out the two guards that were in the way, you used your powers and they were unconscious within seconds.

You had a smug smile across your lips as you walked over to the cabinet that the paper was in, failing to notice that camera with a sensor which sense your movement.

You uncamouflaged and bend down to open the little cabinet door, snatching the paper, suddenly the wall turned displaying a location and a timer.

The red lights flashed and an alarm went off, your heart sunk as you stared at the timer, you had to turn this off, you tried to look for something to turn this off but it was impossible.

You reached for your com as you spoke "Uh, a timer went off and its counting down, there is a location here but nothing to turn this off"

"You have to get to the location! You can dismantle the bomb there" Tony spoke through your ear.

You swallowed hard as you rushed out of the building, heading to the place that had the bomb, you barely could breath when you arrived but that didn't stop you, you rushed inside.

You failed to notice that the bomb was located amongst people, two tall buildings with thousands of people, when you gotten to the bomb, it was placed in the middle and it was very visible.

You looked around and no one was there, you collapsed onto your knees and reached for the com "What do I do now?"

"Cut the red wire!" Tony spoke again.

You turned the bomb around and found no wired "What?" you whispered.

"What red wire? There are no red wires here Tony!" You was filled with anxiety, the way it was ticking was making you even more nervous.

"There might be a compartment, pry it open with something and cut the red wire!"

You nodded as if he was here to see that, you found something to pry it open and found wires that are not red but all brown, "They are all brown Tony"

"Okay, look at the first wire and see where it leads, if it leads to the battery, cut it"

You had sweat sliding down your face as you stared at the wires, none of them led anywhere, you looked at the screen that displayed the time, you barely had time to even take this back to Tony.

"I-" You spoke but anxiety was stopping you.

You had 20 seconds and there was no way you could defuse this, you swallowed as you spoke "I can't do it"

"Kid! Yes you can, just look at the wires and just cut it off with the knife"

You was staring at the wires since you opened it and you knew if you cut the wrong one, you will blow up right here with it "I- I can't"

Now there were tears sliding down your face, you had less than 15 seconds left, you took a deep breath and cut the last brown wire, and nothing happened, nothing the timer was still ticking and nothing stopped.

You started to cut off all of the wires and nothing, you took deep breath as a voice screamed into your ear "Run Y/n!"

You didn't have to be told twice, you placed the bomb and ran for your life, as soon as you made to the door, the bomb went off and you flew several feet away from the building, crashing into another building and hitting the wall which knocked you out.

The bomb did big damage causing the whole two building to shake and catch on fire, killing hundred people in process and leaving thousands to somehow escape.

The rest of the Avengers managed to help those people out with Tony's technology as Natasha gotten you back to the medical wing. She was anxious and afraid she will lose you, she never saw your body be so still and lifeless.

As soon as you woke up from the coma you were in, you noticed no one around, panicked you wanted to get up but the pain in your body slowed you down.

You took a deep breath as you pulled out the needle in your arm, and started to walk out of the room, as soon as you heard someone coming, you used your powers to camouflage and proceeded to your room.

As soon as you gotten there, you turned on the TV and saw your name displayed as the news people spoke about you "Is Y/n L/n a hero or a threat?"

"What we witnessed couple hours ago, could only prove that Avengers might have a liar amongst themselves. From the footage you could see Y/n run inside and run out and a boom went off, this is terrifying!" One of the women spoke on the TV.

You had tears in your eyes, not only from physical pain but also by hearing how your name is getting dragged in mud, you changed the channel.

"This is getting serious, why would an individual that is suppose to be a hero, kill hundreds of people? That's easy! Y/n L/n joined the Avengers and gained their trust to only betray them and watch as fear and loss is spread"

You shook your head as you whispered out "No, that's not true"

Each channel had your name pulled through mud as you listened to each of them and nodded to agree with them whenever they mentioned the failure you were.

Natasha barged inside the room with fear in her eyes but as soon as she looked at you, she let out a sigh "Here you are, why did you leave the medical wing?"

She looked at the TV when she received no answer, she walked over and took the remote to turn off the news, you was still staring at the black TV "Hey Y/n.."

You looked at her with tears threatening to spill, she placed her hand on your face "It's not your fault.."

You shook your head to disagree "It's all of my fault, I should've done something, anything to save all of those people. I failed and now I have to live with it"

"It's not your fault, you weren't trained to defuse bombs, and whatever the news say, it shouldn't matter because we know you and you tried your best, there was nothing you could've done"

You sighed as you leaned into her and she embraced as you silently cried into her, she was there through that bad time and you were more than grateful for her sticking by your side.

The public gradually warmed up after a heartfelt apology that came from you after properly leaving the medical wing, but you knew if any more slip ups happened this would really effect you, at least Natasha stuck with you that was really important to you.

Now that you and Natasha were together, she changed so much and the team kind of hates it but likes it at the same time. She throws a fit whenever she is unable to sit next to you during movie night, this caused so many groans to escape and in the end she was satisfied when she sat in your lap.

The only reason this relationship happened was because of Clint and Bucky, they were very invested in your relationship and wanted to speed things up, they couldn't watch you stare at Natasha like you wanted her right there and then.

They needed this to sail and they did what they needed to do, they set the two of you up, they faked a little get together and just invited the two of you, of course the whole team were threatened that if they ruin this, they will not live to see the next day.

You were sitting in your room when suddenly Bucky runs in, making you jump "What the fuck Bucky!"

He giggled like a little girl and smiled at you whilst staring at you "That was funny"

You rolled your eyes "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy"

"I just wanted to tell you that, Tony and I are throwing a little get together so you have to be there" He spoke as he slowly made his way towards your closet.

You jumped up and followed him "Why is he throwing one? He throws parties every weekend anyway"

There was a slight panic in Bucky's eyes but he wasn't facing you so you didn't see it "Because it's for us"

You sighed, knowing you won't get out of this "Fine-"

You tried to agree but the flying top hit your face, you pulled it off and threw it at him "You dickhead I'm behind you"

He giggled again "I know"

You pushed him gently and slightly giggled as well "What are you even doing?"

"Looking for some good clothes you can wear" He spoke as he kept trying to find something.

"I know how to dress good" You stated.

That caused him to turned his head and look at you up and down "Yeah sure"

"Get out of here before I make you" You crossed your arms as you stared at him.

"Okay fine but be ready by 7" He started to walk towards your door, you nodded at him and when he stopped again and looked at you "Make sure it's something elegant or..."

He smirked "Revealing.."

You started to walk towards him and he ran away from you as he was giggling, you shook your head with a smile and closed the door. You looked at the clock, you still had time so you continued with what you were doing.

You ended up showering and dressing elegant, you wasn't exactly informed what this get together was for, so you just dressed up that was revealing but very respectfully.

Bucky walked you to the elevator and told you where to go, being here for more than a year and still not familiar that this place has more rooms, but this building is owned by Tony Stark of course it has so many rooms.

You were glad he didn't plan this get together somewhere away because getting back here whilst your drunk is a problem, you walked into this room and it had everything, a dance floor, a bar with tables near by and only one table decorated.

It should've already lit up a little bulb in your head but you were too shocked by the size of this room and how it fit here, there was a big balcony as well with some comfortable chairs.

You made your way towards the bar before doing anything else, you made yourself a drink and turned around to still no one, until your eye caught movement out in the balcony.

You frowned as you didn't notice or heard anyone entering, so you made your way towards the movement as you saw Natasha sitting down enjoying her drink.

"Natasha?" You asked, causing the woman to quickly look over at you and continue to stare out in the city after.

"Y/n" She simply said your name just like you said hers.

"How long have you been here?" You asked as you still stood in the same place.

"I don't know, I think I'm on my second drink now" She spoke up again, but this time she stood up as she faced you.

"Are you okay?" You asked a little worried.

"Of course" She tried her best to mask her feeling but you knew better.

You looked around and still there was no show from the team "Is the rest of the team coming?"

She scoffed as she walked on towards the bar to top her drink up, causing you to follow "What?"

"They set us up" She spoke with ease, like there were no emotions behind those words.

"What do you mean? Bucky told me about the get together-"

She faced you abruptly "There is no get together Y/n"

You frowned "Then why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad"

"Well obviously something is upsetting you-" You tried to raise your point but she stopped you.

"Because I know how this will end Y/n, the reason to why this happened is because Bucky and the rest of the team can't keep their nose out of my business"

You frowned with confusion "What are you talking about?"

Natasha took a sip of her drink as she slightly leaned back on the bar "They obviously want to humiliate me, they set up everything to be romantic so we get together"

You swallowed at her words, as you take another look at the room, now that she mentioned it you saw it, the table with roses and some candles, expensive wine on the side and the romantic music with slightly dimmed lights.

You looked back at her and before you could even say anything, she beat you to it "Please spare me the whole 'I like you but just a friend' thing, I really just want to enjoy my drink and not think about the rejection from you"

"This is why they called it the 'get together' huh.." You mumbled underneath your nose as realisation hit you.

"You didn't really think Tony would organise a random get together?"

You shrugged "I mean that man is unpredictable and likes to drink a lot so I wouldn't really think about it"

She chuckled into the glass before she took a sip of her drink, which you used an opportunity to talk "Look Nat, I'm not sure why you instantly assume there wouldn't be a little percent of me being interested"

Natasha raised her eyebrows at you "You see yourself with me? In a romantic way?"

She stared at you as you innocently shrugged "Would that be so bad?"

"N-no of course not!" She stuttered as she was quick to disagree with you.

You slightly smirked and taking a sip of your own drink that you were still holding, you walked over to her and grabbed two wine glasses, slowly making your way over to the table.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she watched you curiously.

"Starting to enjoy this date" You spoke as you turned your face to see her, she looked down briefly with a smile and finally joined you...

It was definitely a successfully date which led to multiple dates to happen after, and here you are couple years in, still as Natasha's girlfriend.

So far it seemed like everything was going great, waking up in Natasha's arms each morning, slightly lay in as you enjoyed the morning together, it never gotten boring because those were the moments you could relax before the chaos started.

The only breaks you ever had was little dates that could only last an hour or so before heading to sleep as work wasn't going to wait in the morning, it was exhausting and Natasha noticed that.

She was worried about you, usually you and her would spend couple hours after missions, just talking and catching up but lately you were a little withdraw from her.

She didn't blame you, these missions only gotten harder and sometimes spending days without each other only added to the stress, so Natasha being a genius she is, came up with a solution.

She wanted to surprise you with a vacation, away from this constant stress but of course this required her being away more as she took on more missions.

So when she started to be less around, you started to panic, you were scared that this was the end of your relationship. At first you thought maybe it's before there is more to do but Steve accidently slipped and said that there is the same amount of missions.

This caused you to spiral, after your own tiring missions all you wanted to come back to was Natasha's arms, the way her fingers would be deeply buried into your head and you would peacefully fall asleep with her head buried into her neck.

Natasha briefed the team of what she was doing, warning that if anyone slips up about her surprise, she will literally throw them off a building and not care if they have something to save themselves.

By the time Natasha would be back, you would be either sleeping or already on your own mission, you barely saw each other and never had any time to have a conversation.

What you thought Natasha was doing, was actually far from it. She was saving up to surprise you whilst you sat in your shared bedroom coming up with scenarios where she tells you she doesn't want to be with you.

You blamed yourself for being so withdraw but it was hard to talk about the things you had to witnesses and ensure you don't fail like you did couple years back.

You informed Steve that you will be taking the day off before hand as you sat in the dark for Natasha to come back. You didn't know if she would be back now or in the morning but you couldn't sleep, you needed to know if she was avoiding you.

The door opened as Natasha tried to sneak inside of the room without waking you up but that was useless when she noticed you sitting on the bed.

She turned on the light "детка (baby) are you okay?"

You look at her with tears in your eyes, she rushes over to you as she checks for any signs of injuries "What's wrong?"

You take a deep breath "Are you going to leave me?"

She stopped in her tracks as she stared at you with shock "W-what?"

You wiped the fallen tears as your eyes were glued to her "You started to take on more missions and I know it's not because there is more, Steve told me"

Natasha signed as she closed her eyes and mentally cursed Steve for opening his mouth, but you continued "I'm just afraid this means you are avoiding me and will end up breaking up with me"

Natasha finally placed herself in front of you, kneeling down as she took your hands into hers "I'm not leaving or breaking up with you детка (baby)"

You felt relief wash over you at her words "Then why are you taking on more missions?"

She took a deep breath as she stared into your eyes "I wanted to surprise you, I didn't think you would find out so early but-"

She stood up as she walked over to her laptop, she sat herself next to you as she opened it, letting the display show what she was looking up.

"I noticed you were stressed and wanted to surprise you with a vacation" She flicked through some of the tabs that showed multiple locations for perfect vacation spots.

You gasps as you watched her flick through, you could feel the weight on your chest just vanish and all of your previous worries wash away.

You still had tears flowing down your face but they were happy tears "I'm sorry Natty, I jumped into conclusions but lately my nightmares have gotten worse since you haven't been here"

She sadly smiled at you as she placed the laptop down and pulled you into her, with her thumb wiping away the tears "It's okay Y/n/n, you don't need to be sorry, it should be me who should be sorry for making you feel like that and not being here for you"

You looked up at her "What did I do to deserve you Tasha"

She smiled "You deserve the world Y/n/n"

"It's in front of me-" You said as you frowned.

Natasha smiled widely as she nodded "I know" the Russian knew exactly what to do, she knew your world was her and tricking you was just as easy.

"You tricked me" Natasha smiled as you dramatically gasps at her 'betrayal'.

She nodded with a smile as she pulled you into a kiss, any stress that was left hanging disappeared within seconds of her lips against yours.

Natasha ended up taking some days off to be with you and help you with your missions but still worked very hard to finally get out of this place and see something new.

Which she succeeded, it didn't take long for that to happen as she had saved up a lot during the time she wasn't around. Natasha was nervous, you thought it was because she had to leave behind a part of her life that she swore to never leave.

But there was something else, she was actually nervous because when she was away from one of the missions that just happen to be in Budapest, she came across her family that she haven't seen in a long time which she failed to mention to you.

She was more than happy to catch up with them and practically spent half of her time with them, to which they found out about her relationship and her surprise.

Alexei being Alexei decided to invite himself along with Melina and Yelena to this surprise without really notifying Natasha, the day she booked the vacation, happen to be the day Alexei decided to have the same vacation.

The day before leaving, he called Natasha and that's when he informed her "Now you won't have to be alone on this vacation Natasha, you'll have us to join you!"

"I wouldn't have been alone, I have Y/n!" Natasha was pacing around the room.

"Oh don't be dramatic, we want to meet this Y/n, it's a perfect timing" She could practically hear his smile as he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked as she make sure you were out of hearing range.

"I knew you would react like this so we surprised you"

"All three of you were on this?" Natasha asked, she wasn't expecting Yelena to be in on this as well.

"No, he bribed me" Yelena's voice came through the phone as the Russian signed.

She wanted to argue more but she heard you calling out for her "I'll see you tomorrow then"

"That's the spirit-" He spoke very enthusiastically but Natasha was quick to hang up before you overheard the conversation.

"Oh there you are" You finally laid your eyes on her with a huge smile.

You noticed that something was off when she gave you half a smile at your sight, she was clearly nervous "Something's wrong.. What's wrong?"

Natasha shook her head "Nothing is wrong"

"Then why are you nervous?" You had a worried expression plastered across your face.

Natasha cursed to herself at how well you knew her "I was just double checking everything is perfect for tomorrow"

You placed your hand on her cheek, giving her a encouraging smile "Being with you is already perfect, no doubt tomorrow wouldn't be just as perfect"

She smiled as she placed her head on your chest as your arms embraced her "We should probably spend some time with the team before we leave"

Natasha's grip on you tightened "But I want to spend my time with you onlyyy"

You giggled "We will have time during the 3 and half weeks away from them"

"Fine but you're sitting on my lap, I don't want Wanda anywhere near you" Natasha unglued herself from you as she stared you in the eyes.

"Wanda is not a threat but if it will make you feel better that's fine with me" You rolled your eyes but spoke with a smile.

You called in the last movie night before leaving and the team was more than happy to pull away from missions for the day just to spend some quality time with the two of you.

Of course the two of you left the movie night earlier due to getting up early but Natasha might've lied to just have you to herself before actually having to sleep.

The morning was chaos, making sure you had everything and nothing was missing, even when leaving there was always that feeling that something was left behind when in reality you had everything.

Natasha was getting more anxious which was very noticeable, you wanted to say something but you didn't want to do it in the plane. The flight was more than relaxing, you always loved travelling and this was like a dream come true, especially since you thought you would always be stuck in that building working on missions day and night.

When the two of you arrived at the not familiar airport, you stretched out and that's when you noticed a group of 3 people waving and smiling at you and Natasha, you looked back to make sure it was aimed at you.

You turned to Natasha who was checking on her phone how far the hotel was "Nat... Why are there people waving at us?"

She stopped what she was doing as she looked up at you and then at the people, she sighed as she put her phone away and looked back at you "Meet my family"

"Your what?!" You asked as she quickly walked away from you, you followed right after as they greeted you.

"Oh my, you must be Y/n... You are a lot more skinner than we imagined.." Melina commented as she eyed you up and down.

Yelena pushed past Melina as she walked towards you with a smile " You look okay, I like you"

You looked over at Natasha to which she gave you a smile and you laughed nervously at Yelena, on the other hand they seemed nice apart from Alexei.

Melina had to nudge him "Say something Alexei"

"But she haven't said anything, why should I speak first-"

Natasha interrupted him "Great! Y/n/n let me just introduce you since they haven't said their names"

"Alexei" She pointed towards him, "Melina and Yelena" She finished as she faced you again with a smile.

You forced a smile and turned towards Alexei "Are you not the Red Guardian?"

There it was, a huge smile across his lips "She gets it"

"Don't get him started-" Natasha tried to warn you but you didn't want to listen to her at the moment.

"Do you have any cool stories?" You asked as you looked at Natasha briefly and then back at Alexei.

"I have so many! There was this one time-" He started his story with this grin across his face at the recollection of his memories.

"Okay! Not right now, we need to get to the hotel first" Natasha interrupted him as she stepped in front of him so your eyes were on her.

"Natasha is right, we need to go to the hotel and then find somewhere we can eat!" Melina agreed as she took her luggage and started to walk ahead.

Everyone followed her and Natasha as she was the only one who knew where the hotel was, she already rented a car out during the booking and drove to the hotel.

Everyone parted their ways to put the bags away and see how the day can do, you didn't speak to Natasha on your way to the room, you were slightly upset that she didn't tell you. You were meeting her family for the first time and you wanted to know to at least look presentable.

You weren't afraid of what they thought of you but if they would accept you, you love Natasha and you can't see yourself with someone else apart from her so the subject of marriage is still yet to happen, but you want it, you want to be apart of her family and that is if they accept you.

Most of your relationships ended because their family didn't accept you and that's something you didn't want to repeat, you really cared about Natasha so it really mattered to you.

As soon as the two of you walked inside the room, she tried her luck "Y/n/n?"

You ignored her as you started to pull out some fresh clothes to change into, she continued "детка (baby)?"

She made her way towards you which you still ignored, you could never be mad at her, you were just upset so you looked up at her, she always knew that you loved it when she spoke Russian to you.

"You should've told me Natasha" You spoke up as you kept your eyes on her.

She sighed, you never used her name unless it was serious "I'm sorry, I didn't know they were coming until Alexei called me yesterday"

You raised your brows at her "You knew since yesterday and you didn't say anything?"

"You didn't even tell me you had a family in the first place" You tore your gaze from her as you took your clothes and walked to the bathroom.

"I didn't know it would be a big deal Y/n/n" She followed you to he bathroom.

You laid your clothes down as you faced her "Of course it's a big deal, I want to know when I'm going to meet my in laws Natasha"

She couldn't help but smile "In laws?"

"You heard me" You looked away because if you kept looking you would end up smiling, she had a very contagious smile.

"I didn't talk about them because I didn't even think I would see them, ever again but I did and Alexei decided to invite himself to our vacation, I didn't want this meeting to go like this and I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I was afraid you would want to back out"

You stood still as you looked in the mirror and at her, continuing to listen to her before saying anything "I have planned things that doesn't involve them if that's what you're worried about"

She took a couple small steps towards you, making you sigh and face her "That's not what I'm worried about.."

She took your hands into hers as she looked at you with a small smile "Then what are you worried about?"

"That they wont accept me Nat, I don't exactly have a good record of my relationships with family, most of them left because their parents didn't like me, I just- It's stupid" You tore your hands away from her as you looked away.

She shook her head "No it's not" She reached for your chin, forcing you look at her "What you feel is important so stop trying to push it down"

She moved her hand to your cheek " And don't worry about them, they have a hard time warming up to practically everyone, but on the bright side Yelena likes you so that's one person, plus she is very convincing"

You lean into her hand "It still doesn't change the fact that I am upset with you"

She smiled as her other hand made it's way to your hip to pull you closer "Let me make it up to you"

You nodded as you moved closer to her lips with a slight smile, but as soon as it started, it ended. Just when your lips collided with each other like they did a million times before, you were interrupted by a very loud knock.

"Natasha!" Melina's muffled voice came from the other side.

She pulled away and sighed "This is why I wouldn't have agreed to them coming"

You giggled as Natasha answered "What!"

"He is about to break the door, you better open" Yelena shouted as she slightly chuckled.

"You shower and I will busy them" She untangled herself from you as she proceeded to go to them.

"I will shower later, I will just change" You spoke up before she disappeared out of the bathroom.

"You don't need to rush you know?" She asked and you nodded with a smile "I know but I rather shower with you later"

She smirked as she walked out this time, closing the door and walking over to open the door to let them in "How did you even find this room"

Yelena was eating something but she pointed towards Alexei "He was listening in"

Alexei faced her "Snitch, that's not how I raised you"

"Actually you didn't really raise me-" The blonde tried to correct him, but Melina cut in.

"Where is Y/n?" She looked past Natasha into the room and there was no sign of you.

"What did you do to котенок (kitten)?" Yelena asked when her attention was pulled towards the question.

"Did you give a pet name for my girlfriend?" Natasha asked as she narrowed her eyes at her sister.

"She is like a kitten, she's new and cute so yeah she's a котенок" Yelena explained as you walked out of the bathroom in new clothes.

Natasha looked at you with shock "Are you hearing this? She gave you a pet name"

You stood next to redhead as her arm snaked around you "There is no need to be jealous Nat"

You looked at Yelena who had a grin as she knew how to mess with Natasha and you wanted to join in "I'm not jealous, that would mean I don't have you when I do, she's jealous"

Alexei chuckled "Melina I don't think we ever saw Natasha jealous"

You tried your best to not laugh as Melina spoke up "You're right, it's definitely a new look on her"

"Okay that's enough, all of you!" Natasha eyed everyone except you as they continue to tease her.

"We should probably head to eat something or they will close everything" You raised a point to which they all agreed and Natasha silently thanked you from taking their attention of her.

"котенок is right" Yelena used your pet name, earning a death stare from Natasha to which she just giggled.

As you walked on, Natasha had her hand interlocked with yours until Alexei pulled her into him to tell her something causing her to let go of you, making you walk along with Yelena.

"I like your vest" You looked at Yelena and what she was wearing.

She practically beamed "It has a lot of pockets"

"Pockets?" You questioned, it didn't look like it did but as soon as she reached inside, she was able to pull out more than 3 items.

"See, I can stash so much food here" She had a smile plastered across her face as she showed you.

"She never takes off that vest" Melina chipped in as she was observing the two of you.

You were impressed so you really didn't care "I mean I wouldn't either, it's really practical"

"See! She gets it" Yelena raised her voice slightly as you giggled.

Melina rolled her eyes playfully at Yelena, once again Alexei pulled Yelena into him as he spoke to both of them, leaving you with Melina.

"Don't worry Y/n, Alexei will warm up to you but from what I can see, he already took a liking in you so all you have to do is take in interest in his boring stories and he will end up not wanting to leave you alone"

You looked at Melina when she slightly whispered, just enough so the three in the front wouldn't overhear "As for me, Natasha seems to really love you and I want her to be happy, so if it's you who makes her smile like that, then so be it. I'm just happy my little girl is finally happy"

You held back some tears at her speech "I'm very grateful that you took a chance on me Melina, it's very important to me as my mother doesn't see like that"

"Aw Дорогой (sweetheart)" She pulled you into her side as yous continued to walk.

"I swear to god, If another person gives Y/n a pet name, they won't know what day is tomorrow" Natasha pulled herself away from Alexei's grip as she stopped everyone and narrowed her eyes at Melina.

"Okay, calm down Natasha" Melina tried to keep Natasha calm, she was never a threat to them but she didn't want Natasha to be angry after.

"Listen to your mother" Alexei agreed with Melina which only fuelled Natasha on.

She scoffed as she looked at the Red Guardian which caused Yelena to laugh at her sister "I'm so glad we decided to come here and meet котенок (kitten)"

Natasha was ready to fight her sister but you were quicker as you pulled her back to where she was before, holding her by the hand to which she just gave Yelena a death stare and you giggled.

"But don't forget Y/n if you hurt Natasha, we will haunt you down" Melina's tone turned serious.

You gulped and the redhead rolled her eyes "Okay James Bond, leave Y/n/n alone"

Melina's serious face turned into a smile within seconds and she joined the two in the front, now leaving you with Natasha.

"They like you" There was a huge smile across both of yours faces.

"It feels good to know that" You felt at peace, they weren't any regular family, they were chaotic and different and that's what you liked about them.

"I love you" Natasha chocked out as she stopped and pulled you back into her.

"I love you too Talia" A smile was spread across your face that always gave Natasha butterflies, she pulled your face into hers and kissed you with all of emotions behind it.

"You have gotten soft Natasha" Yelena yelled but the redhead didn't care, she probably did go soft but she only showed it when you were around, you made her soft and she actually liked it...

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

If you want to join my tag list, click here and enjoy my future posts.

Tag list: @eilarch, @wandanatblogs, @madamevirgo @diaryoflife, @theprassebox, @daenerys713,

[imaginativeamateur]

can you do 30 with kakashi and a fem reader pls 🥺🤲 I love your work and am so happy for you regarding your follower milestone, congrats !!

[Kakashi Hatake X Reader] The Power of Love

|200 Followers Event|

Prompt: 30 — "I mean it."

Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x fem!Reader

Note: Aloha, I'm back!!! Thanks for the request and the cheers😝 Okay, this one is AHHH, the title :DD This one is very sentimental but playful at the same time. There's like some serious talk but also entertaining moments, too. Without further ado, please enjoy!

Constant requests that you get married were sent in your way for the past several months. Your parents were tired of having to wait to see you bring a man home, but you had no intention to comply. The topic would come up to the table during dinner every now and then, with your mother furrowing in her brows and your father sighing in distress. On your part, you played cool, soothing them that you just found a guy and dismissing the matter with a feigned grin.

Everything would be ordinary, much to your own liking until your parents secretly signed you up for a match-matching service. You had a big argument that night but they smugly smiled and ensured that you would fall in love with him immediately. It was ridiculous.

“You’d be head over heels in no time, Y/N,” your mother said.

“Like she knows who he is,” you mumbled, scoffing on your way back to your apartment.

Though you completely shut the door to the new romance—the guy that you presumably knew nothing about—you woke up earlier than usual, earlier than you should. You blamed it on your neighbor’s child crying but you discerned that you were being irrational. The whole situation was aberrant. You purposefully threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt that was too worn out for a first date. Still, you could not be any more careless, the last thing you wanted was to get the man to generate some form of adoration for you. You checked yourself in the mirror and made sure that you looked representable nonetheless.

The sun was already high up in the sky when you locked your door and tiredly dropped the keys into your handbag, storming to the destination with angry steps. It was your day off and you could have spent your time on something much more meaningful, training, for example. Kakashi-senpai said you still needed to hone your close combat skills. You pursed your lips at the thought of the Hatake, feeling even more enraged and annoyed. The said Shinobi was a nice guy, he was gentle and mannered with everyone but you. He treated you like his kid, bossing you around, requesting you to dig through the shelves of bookstores to find the limited edition of Icha Icha that was recently published. But you did not quit being his subordinate. Kakashi had everything that you needed to harness, from his skills to knowledge, and you would never let such a golden opportunity go wasted.

Being with him for two long years brought you many benefits and visible improvements, one of them being your patience. You were short-tempered and Kakashi was just the perfect tame to your boiling climate. The silver-haired veteran knew you were cantankerous on some days, like today, when you were having an involuntary sunbathing session, and would always be later than he usually would. Over the drenching months, you grew indifferent to his tardiness, adapted to his peculiar conscience of time, and no longer rambled when he arrived. He would come up with the most bizarre excuses to get away with it, and at first, you were furious about it, but you found them somewhat adorable now.

You smiled, wondering why you were recalling your moments with Kakashi when you were waiting for your date to come. You bit the inner side of your cheek when you realized your patience was running thin—it reminded you of your silver-haired senpai. Releasing a shaky breath, you calmed yourself down, assuring that you would apologize to the man that it was merely a misunderstanding with your parents that they signed you up for today. You rubbed the surface of the table with your fingers and let your thoughts carried you away at the moment, unconsciously drumming the rhythm of your favorite song—his favorite song that you grew accustomed to after years of the very special silver-haired occupying your day.

“You seem nervous.”

Your head perked at the unexpectedly familiar voice, “Kakashi-senpai?”

The silver-haired settled himself in the opposite seat with ease, “Good morning, Y/N.”

“What are you doing here?” You did not bother to greet him back properly due to the tremendous shock being registered into your system.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to… to,” you came to a halt, fumbling with the hem of your shirt when you found it impossible to continue. It was embarrassing.

“Blind date?” He questioned, quirking a brow.

Your cheeks heated up in modesty, unable to answer his beseech.

“That seems like a yes,” Kakashi leaned back, enjoying your flustered state, “I’m here for a blind date, too.”

“A what?”

“A blind date,” he repeated without failing to lose his composure.

It took you several seconds to comprehend the whole situation, then you shifted in your chair, propping your elbows onto the table to hide your blush, “This is such an… interesting encounter. But I won’t change my mind.”

You were fairly absolute with the plan to turn the whole thing down, despite whoever was your date, despite it being Kakashi Hatake. You did not want to risk the bond that took you so long to form with him and the trust that he enlisted you upon. You could not.

“I also came resolute,” he made a simple, yet down-to-earth statement. Kakashi caught your eyes and challenged, “What do you want to do after a coffee date?”

“No,” you jerked away, “what are you saying? Are you okay, senpai?”

“We’re on a date and you still call me senpai?”

“Look, we’re not going to do this, we can’t, Kakashi,” you tried to explain but to no avail.

The silver-haired smugly smiled, “Good, Kakashi sounds much nicer.”

“I’m not joking,” you cleared your throat and glared at him.

“Neither am I, Y/N. I mean it.”

Your lips fell apart as the coherence in your mind shattered into bits and pieces. Kakashi silently observed the fleeting expressions that you made, waiting for your response.

“I don’t know,” you stuttered. You knew who Kakashi was and the tragedy of your occupation. The two of you did not deserve anyone’s love, for once that you held the chance of breaking their heart. You looked away from his eyes to conceal the wavering of your emotions, “I never thought about life in that way. I don’t need a man in my life, that’s what I’d like to believe. I don’t want anyone to feel battered when I’m gone.”

“I hate it to see those I love cry and mourn, too,” he mumbled. You listened attentively as though it was yourself confessing to the dark. Kakashi continued, “I only live for a certain amount of time but I have been constantly filling it with despair and loneliness. There were things that I want to do and people that I want to love, but because of my fear of hurting them, I didn’t. But after the massive loss that I’ve experienced, everything was different, I understood how painful regret actually is.”

Tears began to well in your eyes the more his words dropped. You balled your fists, blinking profusely to prevent the warm droplets from escaping. Kakashi noticed your quiet sobs, running his fingers over your trembling hands, loosening your grip, and interlacing your fingers with his. You released a heavy sigh and pulled both your hands back, wiping away your tears as quickly as when they fell and dampened the fabric of your jeans.

“You’re not at the bottom of agony when you lose someone important,” Kakashi breathed, “it’s when you feel empty after they’ve left and mourning on what you could’ve done when they were still with you.”

Your sobs eventually assuaged as you chewed on his words. The silver-haired distracted himself by stirring the liquid of his drink, but he was in no state to enjoy its taste. He already said everything he wanted to say, and the decision was now fully on your shoulders. But by your lack of response, he was sure that you did not see your relationship taking another form—the way that he wished. He abruptly stood up from his seat, fleeting on his feet, “Let’s forget about what’s happened. I mean I still respect you as my teammate, Y/N. Don’t forget our meeting tomorrow.”

“No-no, Kakashi-senpai, wait,” you moved, hastily shoving your hands in his direction, gripping his wrist like a vice. You hung your head low to avoid his investigating gaze as you spoke, “I do.”

His gears in his head turned, and Kakashi smiled with satisfaction, “You do what?”

Your heart was beating frantically in your chest, so fast that you felt its rapid pumps in your throat. You stuttered out, voice growing quieter the more you expressed, “I-I want to go out with you, senpai—”

“Drop the ‘senpai’ already,” he playfully hissed and you grinned, certain that you just made the best choice of your life. Kakashi leaned down and rested his chin on your shoulder blade, snuggling his face into your neck, “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for letting me love you.”

------------------

Taglist: @dai-tsukki-desu @thenightfallingstar @iam-gaaras-loveintrest @animepickle7 @tirzamisu @rinnegankakashi

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

i am BEGGING you for a part two oh my god i am in shambles…. i am too weak for angst 😭😭😭 THE SOFT GLANCE??? BYE. I AM GONE. /lh

- 🍒

eeeee i'm excited because i had a lot of ideas for this and i think it came out pretty good!! it diverts from canon (obviously) but i'm proud of how it came out >:)

did this get out of hand? probably but it's FINE because it's good <3 dw comrade i'm weak to angst too

Part One is right here!!: Golden House is Falling Down

~ * ~

The Sky's Tears (Part Two to "Golden House is Falling Down") Foul Legacy Childe x Reader Gender Neutral (pronouns not mentioned) Hurt/Comfort Warnings: Descriptions of pain, injuries, blood, rain, thunder, lightning, fear, anxiety, mentions of death, crying, diversions from canon

~ * ~

It was the rain that woke you. Seeping between the cracks of stone above you, it dripped and fell, landing with a small splash on your cheek. You had frowned in your unwilling sleep, your body urging you to stay unconscious. Then it had happened again, and again. The single drop had strengthened into a small stream of water trickling onto your face, persistent in its endeavor of waking you. You groaned in irritation and wiped at your cheek, but the miniature waterfall was stubborn, more stubborn than you ever were. You couldn’t blame it. Water always goes down after all. With a frustrated string of select words, you crack your eyes open and find yourself face-to-face with a large slab of stone. You furrow your brows, confused- you don’t recall falling asleep in a cave. The stone was smooth- much too elegant and orderly to be part of a regular cavern. What was it? Part of a building? Then why were you just getting rained on? The rain sounded rather close- you can hear it pattering on the roof of whatever structure you were inside. The ground was damp and gritty, a stark contrast from the polished walls around you, and dim light filtered in from the side your back was facing. Curiouser and curiouser, you prop yourself up on your elbow to roll over. Only to gasp and jerk as pain shoots up your legs. You fall back to the ground immediately, eyes wide with shock and horror. As your flesh and bones become re-accustomed to one another, you’re made increasingly aware of the dull pain settled in your body, flaring up whenever you do more than move your head. Memories resurface, paining your mind as well as your limbs. There was a fight in the Golden House, between the Traveler and Childe. You were there. You watched as some foreign power took control of Childe’s body and turned him into a monster, and as a burst of electro energy combined with hydro to strike you unconscious. Then everything had gone dark. Now there was no one- only you under a mysterious ruin, barely protected from the icy rain. Gingerly, you feel around your stomach for a gash or injury, only to find a firmly wrapped bandage. Your eyes widen, then you sigh in relief. Thank goodness for the haste of the Traveler- although they were nowhere to be seen, you were sure they had made sure to at least wrap your wound before being pulled away to something else more important. Your worries for them were next to none- they were the Traveler, savior of Mondstadt and quite possibly Liyue. They could take care of themself. You smile for a moment, but then your mouth drops into a worried frown. Childe- where was Childe? You can’t remember what happened to the Harbinger. You need to find him, even though he nearly struck you dead. Inhaling a deep breath, you stiffen yourself and force your body to turn over, to face the weak light shining through the rain. Your bones sing out in pain, as if they’ve been stiffened and frozen so they’re brittle, so brittle they’d snap at the slightest movement. But they don’t, even if they feel like they should. You drag yourself into a standing position, using the slippery walls as support. As you limp out of the curious cave, the heavy rain chills and numbs your skin, washing away any semblance of warmth you might’ve collected from sleep, and you look around to get your bearings. All around you are the crumbled remains of the famed Golden House. You quickly clap a hand over your mouth to suppress a scream, but nothing comes out, your voice seemingly gone from the feeling of dread in your stomach. The eternal vault and world’s supply of mora, gone. Rubble beneath your feet. You swallow thickly and shake your head, letting your gaze wander to try and calm the anxiety in your veins. Something vaguely shining catches your eye, and you shuffle closer to have a look. A thick, sticky liquid coats the ground underneath more ruins, a blue dark enough to be black and oddly glinting, like tiny stars flashing through the night sky. There’s more before you, a disjointed trail that leads into the trees, the rest of it washed away by the storm. You have a sickening idea of what it might be.

Gritting your teeth, you straighten and stand again, following the starry patches into the nearby forest. Here the path is more clear, a bold arrow of deep blue and dancing lights pointing your way. It’s a long journey up and down and around, the trees providing you constant support through your own pain. The slash on your stomach stopped bleeding, but the dried red still mocks you as you take one step after another. The sky occasionally flashes with lightning and thunders at you threateningly, but too distant to reach you. And the rain never relents. The scattered stars lead you to a cave- a real cave, good and proper- that offers you shelter from the crying clouds above. But you see nothing, and feel like crying yourself. Something blinks at you. You squeak in fear, jumping away from whatever it is- you can see its claws, sharp and true- and press yourself against the wall, unwilling to go back out into the rain. One eye stares and creeps closer, and you vaguely wonder if it’d be blinking or winking. There’s a deep, rumbling growl from the darkness as it approaches, and you shut your own eyes, too weak and injured to fight. A warm, clawed hand gently cups your face, and your breath hitches. A thumb carefully rubs your cheek, and the growl filters into a strong purr. And suddenly, you know. It’s him. It’s him. Your eyes open as quickly as they had closed, and you find yourself staring up at an enormous, monstrous Childe, almost the same as he was in the bottom of the Golden House. Up close, you see differences. What you thought was a cape is now a pair of sparkling wings, laying flat on his back, and dried cuts litter his body. He’s kneeling towards you instead of floating, and his mask has changed just barely, but enough for you to notice. He’s smiling, looking at you with a soft, fond expression. You reach up to hold his face as well, and he leans into your touch, purrs becoming steadily louder. A single tear rolls down your cheek, and he whines in concern, but you simply wipe it away. You can’t cry. Not now. A silent question hangs in the air, and when you look up, you ask him with your eyes. What happened? He simply shakes his head- he doesn’t know. But he can’t change back. Suddenly he leans in and presses his face to yours with a quiet whimper. He’s scared, just like you are. But you offer a moment of respite to calm him, although you can see how his claws clutch the ground and how his shoulders tense. Snuggling closer, you bury one hand in his fluff and place the other in his own, humming at how warm he feels compared to your rain-slicked skin. You feel his hand gently clasp yours, and the other curls around your waist as he carefully sets his head on your shoulder. As you pet his fluff and make your way up to his mask, you can hear his purrs resume as he and you both begin to drift into a cozy, peaceful sleep. Outside, the windy rain becomes a dancing melody, and the world allows a brief moment of bliss.

[hockeywhy]

caught in the middle (1); m. barzal

SYNOPSIS: For the sake of your friend’s wedding with Tito, you and Mat agree to maintain the facade of still being the happy couple everyone sees you as. But the act comes with its consequences, one more taxing than the other. WARNINGS: language. WORD COUNT: 11.2k A/N: I am so excited for this because it contains some of the tropes I enjoy seeing in fics, and I was dying to also put out some new content as opposed to only reposting my old writing. I wish I wrote this when I was still decent at doing the thing, but I hope that this is still an enjoyable read that makes you look forward to the next part! Title is based off Alexander 23′s Caught in the Middle which is such a good song and I really recommend. Sections in italics represent flashbacks. 

PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

“We’re getting married!” 

You gasped, bringing both hands to cover the lower half of your face as your jaw dropped at the announcement. It shouldn’t be so surprising – you would’ve bet even your most prized possession that this was bound to happen at some point eventually – but knowing this was actually now a sure thing sent a thrill through you. It didn’t take long for the shock to wear off and in place of it, your expression mirrored that of your best friend’s: the wide grin, the bright eyes and of course, the giggles of sheer excitement as soon as the news sunk in. Elise was glowing and next to her, Tito embodied the idea of what the world’s proudest man would look like. 

“Oh my god!” you gasped, and Elise burst into laughter, not hesitating to jump out of her seat at the same time you did so that the two of you could embrace. Among your squeals and giggles, you could faintly make out the sound of hands being clapped, then caught sight of Mat and Tito hugging. Over Elise’s shoulder and over Tito’s, you and Mat exchanged smiles and you couldn’t help the chuckle that left your mouth as soon as he winked at you. “Congratulations!” you said as soon as you broke apart, though the two of you still held hands. Immediately, your gaze fell down to her hand where a ring now rested, and you couldn’t help but wonder how you hadn’t taken notice of it earlier. “Just—when? How? Where? Who else knows?” 

“We don’t have a date or venue set yet, but we wanted you and Mat to be the first to know,” Elise informed you as soon as you took your seats again.

“We have a favour to ask from both of you,” Tito supplied. As soon as he said it, you felt Mat’s hand wrap around your own and the two of you exchanged a brief look during which he squeezed your hand gently, before diverting your attentions back to the soon-to-be newlyweds. 

Newlyweds. The immensity of the word sent a discrete shiver down your spine. 

“I can’t imagine asking this of anyone else: I want you to be my best man,” Tito directed at Mat.

“You shouldn’t even think of asking this of anyone else,” Mat responded immediately, and the two shook hands on it. You couldn’t help but think that if they weren’t as comfortable as they were now, they’d probably hug again, do their typical pats on the back or fist bump as they usually did, but Elise’s head now rested on Tito’s shoulder and Mat’s hand was so warm, so firm atop your own. 

“Be my maid of honour, please?” Elise asked. “I can’t think of anyone more suitable than you and Mat as best man and maid of honour. We’ll return the favour of course,” she added playfully. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” you warned without hesitating because after all, you had no reason to – and you knew Mat would agree with you. 

Although the two of you hadn’t touched on the subject yet, there was an unvoiced knowledge shared between you that eventually, this would also be you. Eventually, Mat would ask you and your heart would grow and your soul would warm, and you would say yes. Yes, yes, yes. 

As you all settled down to hear a replay of how Tito popped the question and Elise accepted the ring, Mat’s thumb began caressing the back of your hand. Though the gesture wasn’t a novelty, you couldn’t help but take notice of the way your heart fluttered each time he seemed to linger more on your ring finger. It wasn’t difficult to imagine a ring wrapped around it but neither of you were in a rush: you simply waited for the right time to take your relationship to a point in which it would become a forever thing, fully confident it wasn’t a question of ‘if’ but rather, ‘when’.

*

This was anything but the right time. 

You frown as you cast a glance down at the phone resting on your lap, eyes narrowing a little at the name which brought the display to life for the second time in the space of less than a minute. You click the side button twice, silencing the vibrations of it and from your side, your colleague leans in to whisper to you. 

“You can take it if it’s urgent. I’ll fill you in afterwards.”

“Thanks,” you whisper back. “I think it can wait until the meeting wraps up though.” 

Luke gives you a well, if you’re sure look as he leaned back in his chair and you flash him a grateful smile. 

Still, it is difficult for you to settle comfortably in your seat again and much to your chagrin, you find yourself crossing and uncrossing your legs as if the call had sent some sort of signal to your entire body kickstarting jitteriness you can honestly do without. Not long after you find some comfort and energy to draw yourself back to the present, your phone buzzes again – only once this time, indicating a message. 

I’m waiting for you in the lobby.

Fuck, you curse inwardly, locking the phone in frustration. As quietly as you can, you gather your notebook and work tablet then lean in towards Luke who met you halfway. “Have to run but let me know if I miss anything important.”

“At the current rate, I wouldn’t count much on it but will do anyway,” he states as quietly as he can and the two of you exchange sly, conspiratorial smiles before you excuse yourself quickly and very quietly while making a swift exit. 

Internally, a string of curses follow without a break in between, and you have to physically bite down on your lip out of sheer fear one might unconsciously slip out. If anyone would be in your shoes, though, they wouldn’t blame you for it. You are the type of person to stick closely to any plans and agreements made, so the fact that he just chose to turn up so unexpectedly doesn’t sit right with you. Not anymore, that is. Besides, you had both agreed to do this after your workday ended as opposed to midday and definitely not in this place. Now, you have to brace yourself for coping with a foul mood on top of whatever else the rest of the day would throw at you. 

“You’ve got a visitor,” Rachel announces quietly in a sing-song voice from behind the reception desk as you approach. She doesn’t bother masking the giddiness in her tone and you struggle to work up as genuine of a smile as you can when she nods her head towards the waiting area.

“Thanks, Rach.”

“Bet he must be so happy your redeployment to the Baltimore offices was cut short so quickly,” she coos. 

“Sure is. We’re still on for tonight?” you ask quickly in an attempt to drive attention away from the subject before she can try to lead into it too far for your own comfort at the moment. 

Rachel’s smile falters a little, her expression somewhat quizzical. “Don’t you want to postpone so you could spend some time with him? You only just got back yesterday, after all.” 

You swallow uncomfortably before shrugging. “We’ve got plenty of time to do that. So tonight, okay? I’ll catch you later.” 

“Your call. See you then, Y/N!”

You only had just a split second to brace yourself for what is ahead of you, so you draw in a breath then slowly exhale it as discreetly as you can while cutting your way across the lobby. Since agreeing to this meeting, you prepared yourself as best as you could, imagining every single scenario and devising the appropriate plan for it: from the way you presented yourself to what you said, you had a mental plan for everything including a few backups just in case. The only thing you hadn’t factored in, apparently, was how little was under your control and you hated that. Each step you take made you feel less and less prepared for what is ahead, and the thought rattles you. If you were swift enough on your feet, you could just about make a quick turn and dip into the hallway leading to the visitor restrooms. All you need is just a few more seconds. A little alone time for you to run over your lines in your head. 

Except—

Mat looks up at the same time you take a step sideways, ready to bolt towards temporary safety. His eyebrows rise a little as if surprised by the sight of you, but you refuse to appear outwardly deflated by the turn of events. Instead, you square your shoulders, tip your head back a little and arch an eyebrow. You can do this. You note he is dressed casually, and his hair is pushed back underneath a black cap. 

Unless there was a change in schedule, Thursdays were scrimmage days. 

Your jaw clenches ever so slightly as you recall that with so much ease. Then again, you basically built up a collection of information that was practically helpful or useful to exactly no one over the course of the past few years. It’ll probably take just as much or maybe more to replace that with something different, so you try cutting yourself some slack whenever you are willing to.

“I thought we agreed on five thirty,” you state coolly, pitching your voice at just the right tone to also express surprise.

Mat pushes up from the armchair, returning whatever magazine he’d picked up back on the nearby glass table. “Sorry, I tried calling earlier this morning to ask if we can reschedule but it went straight to voicemail.” 

Oh. You mentally curse yourself for not charging your phone as soon as you made it home from the airport the previous night or bothering to check the voicemail message you’d been notified of once it did begin charging earlier this morning at your desk.

“They rescheduled the viewing of the new arena for this evening, and I was in the area, so I thought I’ll drop by just in case,” Mat continues, throwing a cursory glance around the place though to you, it seemed more like a way of having a break from the eye contact. You don’t complain; you welcome that. 

You open your mouth, ready to berate his poor timing but even you could admit you carry some fault here too. Only a little. You bite down lightly on the tip of your tongue, before nodding towards the seats though you didn’t wait for Mat; you sit, deciding he could make up his own mind if he wanted to follow or not. 

“How was Baltimore?” he asks after a few moments of awkward silence while settling in the same armchair he previously occupied. 

“Mat,” you say, hoping it comes across as more of a warning than a plea. You can’t deal with small talk and a part of you thinks that’d make the entire deal even more difficult to go through with. He presses his lips together into a thin line and you take that as your sign to continue. “Elise told me she’d like us to be at the venue a day in advance of the rehearsal dinner if we can. I’ve already arranged my leave for that, so it’s not a problem for me. I’m planning on making my way there sometime tomorrow afternoon.” 

“We can go together then. I can pick you up after work.” 

“There’s no need—”

“Y/N.” The sharpness of his tone catches you off guard and you can swear Mat was equally surprised by that, though only for the briefest of moments. He slides forward a little in the seat almost as if he is more than ready to leave but Mat has  never been one to back down so easily and you doubt any of that changed during the course of the past three months or so. “You were the one who insisted we go through with this and I’m trying. I really am, but you’re not giving me anything to work with. So please. Let’s just put everything to the side, do what we need to do and then it’s done.” 

Done. Like it is a task, like it is something you needed to cross off a to-do list, scrunch it up then trash it.  

The finality of the word is so heavy that it feels as if it had managed to knock out all the air in your lungs. You and Mat were running headfirst towards a fork in the road, and deep down you knew that was truly it. If until now the two of you have been dancing around each other, playing pretend as if you were kids living in a world of fantasy, you know that eventually, you have to let light shine on the truth: whatever lay ahead, you and Mat could no longer walk the same paths. It is just a matter of admitting it not only to yourselves, but also to the people you were lying to. 

Lying for, you prefer. 

Defeated, you slump in your own seat a little, legs crossing and fingers tapping lightly against the back of your notebook. “Be at my place by two. I’ll have everything that I need ready the night before so we won’t need to wait around.” A pause, and then, “how’s Tito?” 

Mat lifts a shoulder in a casual shrug. “Excited. Nervous. It’s the only thing he talks about in the locker, outside of it, on ice and off ice. How’s Elise?” 

“Same deal with her. I never knew there were so many shades of blue before, but I’ve been proven wrong before.”

A pause follows that could easily be attributed to the group of people rushing into the building and allowing noise from the street outside to filter in while the doors were kept open, but you can tell there is more to it than that if you are to go by the shift in Mat’s expression. His expression changes and you find you can’t quite read into it or guess what could be going on through his head. You try not to focus much on the little voice inside your mind that was bothered by it but find it takes a considerable amount of effort to do so. Force of habit, you conclude. 

“You don’t say,” Mat finally responds. There is a hint of accusation in his tone. Or regret. Maybe both.

Your lips press together firmly, a light frown forming on your face but chose to let that slide. Not only is the lobby of your workplace the least suitable place to have an argument about the two of you, but you find that even those short moments of seeing Mat face to face months after you called it quits appears to take a toll on you. You feel tired, worn out and willing to be the first one to back down for once. 

It is cruel irony that a big red neon EXIT sign is visible from the corner of your eye.

You release a quiet, long sigh then stand up from the seat. “Well, I guess we’re done here? I do have another meeting to prepare for, so…” You trail off, already backing away a few steps.

Mat opens his mouth as if ready to say something else but promptly presses his lips together, deciding against it. He gives a swift nod of his head then stands up. It’s then you notice the two Styrofoam cups in front of him and the neon EXIT sign imprinted in your mind starts flashing temptingly at you. Mat is a step ahead. He holds out one of the cups towards you and you are ready to tell him off for it, but he cut in.

“Thought I wouldn’t drop by empty handed.” When you don’t make a move to accept it, his eyes briefly peek behind you. “Rachel’s all eyes this way, by the way,” he informs you and a brief glance over your shoulder confirms Mat hasn’t been lying.

As soon as you turn to look towards the reception desk, Rachel grins, waves quickly at you then turns back to her computer screen. Begrudgingly, you accept the cup of coffee and force a tight smile. 

“See you soon,” you say by way of greeting and didn’t wait to hear a response from Mat. 

It isn’t until you scan your pass to cross the security barriers and make a turn out of sight that you take a sip from the drink and almost immediately wish you didn’t. It’s your order to a T. The two of you even brought a coffee machine that would let you replicate it on days when you didn’t feel like leaving the comforts of your apartment, especially days when Mat didn’t need to get up early for practices or scrimmages or evening games. It stayed with Mat when you left and the memory left a bitter taste in your mouth, despite the gentle sweetness of the beverage. 

Without thinking twice, you throw the cup in the nearest trash can. 

*

As soon as your order is set on the table, you ignore the basket of fries and reach straight for your glass to take a long sip from the straw, letting out a content sigh as soon as you felt satiated enough.

“Long day,” you state in response to Rachel’s raised eyebrows but she seems to accept that by raising her own glass. You clink yours against hers, take a smaller sip then set it back down on the table. “What time do you think you’ll make it over to the hotel?” 

“Well, I was thinking of trying to get there by midday on the day of the rehearsal dinner but it’s starting to look more like late afternoon. I’m…” She trails off, and you can just about pick up on her hesitation and the way her gaze shifts over to the side momentarily as if avoiding something or considering whether to continue that. You move in your seat, peeling your back away from the plush backrest to lean in a little closer.

“You’re…” you trail off, voice peaking just a little into a question in an attempt to prompt her to continue.

Rachel takes a deep breath in, shoulders visibly drooping and when she looked back at you, she did so with a look that could only reflect…shame? Embarrassment? 

“Luke and I are sort of thinking of coming along together.” At the sight of your widened eyes, she quickly adds, “just as friends! We’re still working out through a few things and we’re taking it slow. As in, much, much slower than the first time around.”

“No way! That’s… Rach, that’s so good. I’m happy for you both, seriously.” 

You find that you truly believed that, though it wasn’t a surprise to you. You had introduced Rachel to Luke while she visited you in Baltimore and at the time, he worked with you there also. Initially, you didn’t think much of it - you simply invited her to come along to a few after work drinks and the two kicked it off easily that night. Very easily apparently, because as the night started coming to an end, Rachel prompted you to go ahead without her. Ready to say you weren’t going to leave her own her own, you shortly found out exactly why: you watched with plenty of amusement and fascination as she and Luke climbed into a taxi together and whizzed off to his place, undoubtedly. That was pretty much their start and continuation. Her visits to Baltimore were more frequent and though you were seeing her often enough, it definitely wasn’t as much as Luke saw of her. And you were fine with that. They fit almost perfectly and it only took a few more meetings for them to label themselves as a couple. 

Things began crumbling as soon as Luke had moved to the New York office just a few weeks before your own return. While he seemed fine with the idea of Rachel working in the same place, that wasn’t also her take on things.

“It’s weird,” she told you through the phone. “It just… It’s so weird. I’d be seeing him at my place or his and in the office? No thanks. That’s way too much for me, you know?” 

It made sense, of course, and though you rooted for them, you didn’t want to push her into something she wasn’t comfortable with. Yet, there was a tremble to her voice, a sort of uncertainty that made you think otherwise. It wasn’t that Rachel didn’t have any feelings for him - maybe she was simply shocked to see him walk through those glass doors one morning to pick up his brand new ID and claim what would soon become his permanent desk across from yours. 

“Thanks,” she tells you, pulling you back into the present. “But like I said, slow and easy does it. We’ve been talking more and that makes a huge difference.” 

“For sure. If communication isn’t the backbone of a relationship, I don’t know what is,” you agree and wasn’t that ironic? You’re hardly in the position of giving any relationship advice at all or saying what is good for one and what isn’t. Not anymore. Not when your own had fallen apart. 

Rachel grins. “You’d know. You and Mat have been together for… how long now?” 

You should’ve seen it coming a mile away. You swallow uncomfortably, take another sip of your drink and take a few fries just to buy yourself a little more time. “Maybe four years? Don’t really keep track of that anymore,” you said as casually as you could muster, lifting your shoulders in a shrug. 

“I think I’d stop doing that eventually too at the rate you two are going. Honestly, I would’ve bet anything you would’ve been the first to tie the knot. Actually, thinking about it,” she says, clicking her fingers in recollection, “Elise said the same thing to me the other day when we caught up on the phone. She went—“

You don’t really register her words. There is a low ringing in your ears and an uncomfortable draft sweeps in the locale as the entrance door somewhere behind you is being kept open, no doubt a large group making their way in; it sends shivers down your body, but really, you are pretty sure you can’t only attribute them to a brief gust of wind. After all, your sweater is keeping you sufficiently cosy and warm. In front of you, Rachel continues praising your relationship with Mat, talking about how anyone took a look at you both and would say, whatever they have going, I want it too and you are trying so, so hard to block out as much as you can of it. You can stop her, of course; distract her with whatever random topic and you know she’d go with it but your jaw is locked in place, teeth clenched uncomfortably. You blame that and the way your nails dig into the palms of your hands on the sting behind your eyes and the sudden heaviness weighting down on your chest. 

It isn’t so much the pain of your relationship ending that was rendering you in a state of daze, but the shame of what you and Mat agreed to do: pretend the two of you were still the happy couple Elise, Tito and everyone else thought of you as just to not spoil whatever luck they thought you’d be passing on to them by being their main witnesses. And then, once the event passes and they would return to New York from the honeymoon you and Mat would soon gift to them on their wedding day, you’d tell them the truth. Or part of it anyway. Definitely no mentions that the two of you were childish enough to play pretend; just a simple, clean break timed just perfectly with your request to be permanently redeployed elsewhere. Preferably, as far from New York City as possible so that you no longer have to walk the streets you once both did or yearn to once again visit that perfect pie place the two of you once dubbed your own.

“We’re not together anymore.”

The words stumble out of your mouth in a desperate now or never manner. Despite the anxiousness that came with the act, you find relief in it also. It feels freeing to be able to admit the truth to someone that isn’t only yourself though perhaps you should’ve thought of this more carefully: the idea of now needing to come fully clean to Rachel is somewhat daunting, mostly because of what she might say in response to the front you and Mat are trying to uphold. But for the first time in what feels like too long, you no longer feel like a fraud; like a person lying to everyone around them.

“Wait.” Rachel frowns, and it was obvious she doesn’t quite know what to do with that information or how to best process it. Her head tilts a little, palm idly rubbing against the side of her neck so you take the initiative to come across as unbothered by this as possible by leaning into the seat, legs crossing as you fiddled with the drink’s straw. “What? I’m confused. Didn’t Mat just drop by earlier? You two seemed okay. He was…fine when he came in. We didn’t talk much, sure, but he was all smiley and just…normal.” 

You laugh quietly and shortly. “It’s been a while now. Maybe two or three weeks before I left for Baltimore, I think. It’d be pretty worrying if he was still hung up about it. After all, we both agreed on it. And this,” you add, a little more disheartened and embarrassed. “This…thing we’re doing. We promised Tito and Elise we’ll be there for them on their big day and we will. But they had this… I guess, idea of us being an ideal couple. Whatever that is,” you continue more quietly and with a roll of your eyes. “He wanted to tell Tito, but I didn’t want to spoil Elise’s day, you know? So he agreed. Took some convincing because it feels so… Gosh, it sounds so stupid, doesn’t it? Pretending we’re still together just to spread some fake cheer around.” 

“Oh, honey…” Rachel whispers and you read the sympathy in her voice. Not that she makes it particularly difficult to take note of. “But… I thought everything was okay. Actually, way more than okay. Perfect, even. What…uh—“ She trailed off awkwardly, but you could easily fill in that gap.

What happened?

You bring the beverage to your mouth, this time drinking from the glass directly as opposed to using the straw. The mixer stings your throat this time around but the small ice cube you take into your mouth numbs it away pretty quickly. Slowly, you chew it to small pieces and speak only when you finish it.

“I thought long and hard about this the first few weeks after we called it quits,” you admit. “We always talked about what bothered us or if there was something on our mind, but at one point we just… We stopped wanting to compromise. When I was put forward for Baltimore, it was going to be a permanent thing. Mat was happy, sure, but I could tell he wasn’t being entirely honest with me, you know? When I called him out on it, he asked me well what about us? And I said we’d be fine. Baltimore isn’t a different continent. It’s not even a different timezone. He could come over when he had free time and if he didn’t, I’d always spend weekends in New York anyway. It’s Baltimore, Rach. Not fucking San Francisco or whatever. Eventually, he told me exactly what was on his mind: he couldn’t do long distance. Not even for a short period of time while I figured out if Baltimore is really what I wanted. Isn’t it a bit hypocritical, though?” You question, but it’s clear Rachel feels a bit awkward about giving her take on it right now, so you make it easier for her by responding to your own question. “I felt lonely too when he was on the road. I was worried he’d find someone different, someone much better while away. He never gave me a reason to doubt him, but a small part of me still thought what if. This happened right before he was on the road again, actually. We didn’t call, barely even texted those weeks and then when he returned, we decided it’d be best to break up. Didn’t take us a long discussion to get to that conclusion because at that point, it just… I don’t know. It felt like we didn’t have much to say to each other.”

Rachel presses her lips together, the frown still on her face and hesitantly, she asks, “who said it first?”

“I did,” you respond without hesitating. “He wanted a break while we work it all out but come on, Rach, a break? Look me in the eyes and tell me people really believe in breaks and they come back to each other as if nothing happened.” 

“I mean…” she trails off, pointing at herself by way of explanation. “Look at me and Luke, I guess.”

You shake your head. “Nope. Not the same thing, trust me. This was for the best, Rach. It’s much neater to call it quits. That way, neither of us will feel obliged to hold back if life puts something different ahead of us.” You pause for a moment, teeth biting into your lower lip. “They said they’ll always have me back there if I decide on it, so who knows. Once I wrap up the project their called me back for, I might just take them up on it. Not quite a promotion, but it’ll be a good sidestep and maybe a change of scenery is what I need.”

“And do you think it’s good? What the two of you are doing right now?” Rachel questions, not at all deterred by your weak attempt at trying to divert conversation to a more work related topic. “And I don’t mean it just for Elise and Tito’s wedding, but for you and Mat generally speaking. I mean… the two of you have been together for a pretty long time. Doesn’t it… Isn’t it odd?” 

“It’s not normal, that’s for sure,” you confirm. “But it’d be weirder for everyone if we were to tell them we’re no longer together given we’ve been asked to do what we need to do. Rach, promise me this stays between us, okay? Promise. I know how it sounds, I know how it’ll look but trust me on this, okay?” 

She fixes you with a sceptical stare, a look that holds yet more questions than certainty but eventually, she nods her head and relief washes over you at the gesture. “I’m sorry it happened, Y/N,” she offers, voice warm and sympathetic as she places a hand on the table palm up. “And I’m sorry you went through it alone.”

You smile softly and reach for it, returning the squeeze she gives you. There is comfort in the gesture, comfort in her words and you find yourself rooting for it, so grateful to have received it. “The worst part is over, but thank you, Rachel. “It means a lot.”

“Feel like carpooling with Luke and I?”

“I’m good,” you assure as you both relax back into your seats. “Elise wants us there the day before the rehearsal. I guess just to have some familiar faces around that aren’t just wedding planners, so Mat and I agreed to go together tomorrow. Promise I won’t lose my shit if our song plays on the radio,” you add jokingly and find yourself laughing along with Rachel. 

“What song’s that?” 

Too many, you think, although one in particular stands out to you. “Brett Young’s In Case You Didn’t Know.”

*

A tray containing an assortment of dishes is set on the table and shortly after, an ice cold pitch of sangria accompanies that. Eager to cool down, you reach for one of the empty glasses to pour yourself a drink but Mat’s quicker. He takes them both, filling your glass first before his own. You laugh to yourself and Mat grins at that, briefly looking towards you as he fills his glass. You’re about to take a sip, eager to both quench your thirst and cool down but Mat takes the initiative of initiating a toast by raising his glass a little, elbow resting on the table. 

“What’re we toasting for tonight?” You ask, imitating his pose by leaning forward a little. “To our first holiday together? To how perfect the weather’s been so far? To how I mastered paddle boarding way before you did?” 

Mat laughs, lowering his head as he did so but when he looked back up at you, he clinked his glass against yours and held it there. “To all of that. To one of the many, many holidays we’ll have together. To this moment right here, to us, to you.” He pauses and the strobe lights of the bar switch from dark blue to hot pink, and the way Mat stares at you in this moment makes your heart race inexplicably. “To how much I love you.” 

He takes your breath away. Draws it right out of your lungs and you feel heady. It’s the first summer with Mat, the first  I love you from him and it suddenly feels as if this bar is too small for the both of you. You love him, and he loves you too and the only thing you could imagine doing is jumping in his arms but there’s a table between you and sangria topped wine glasses in your hands, and he’s wearing a pristine white shirt that looks incredible against his tanned skinned and there’s a lot of people around (the majority significantly older than both your age and Mat’s combined) so you simply grin and carefully lean forward more, pressing a kiss to his mouth. 

“I love you,” you murmur against his lips and even if your voice is low compared to the loud, cheesy country music blasting through hidden stereos, you know Mat catches on to that. 

“I love you,” he says right back and before you pull away, he bumps his nose against yours gently, making you giggle.

You both take a sip of your drinks and you smack your lips together, content with the turn of the night. 

You and Mat had been dating for a few months, but this was the first time the two of you will spend back to back nights and days together without needing to rush somewhere. Of course, a part of you was anxious about it - while it was easy to spend a few hours together now and then, maybe even the odd night together, it was entirely different being together pretty much all the time. There were habits and quirks you each had that might get in the way, but your worries were soon put to rest. You and Mat had wonderful chemistry together, easily able to spend your time together but also still enjoy each other’s company while doing separate activities. You didn’t want to rush into things and you made no move to do so, but it was ever so easy to imagine what living with Mat would be like. And sure, you were well aware of the fact that it wouldn’t always be sunshine and rainbows; the two of you would eventually transition out of this honeymoon-type period of your relationship, but something told you life would Mat would never bore you. It’d never make you wish for anything different. 

“Give me a second,” Mat says and before you could ask him what he meant, he’s out of his seat and you follow him across the bar, a little confused. 

He makes his way past the bar, past the pool tables and stops in front of what is undoubtedly a jukebox. Curious, you arch an eyebrow and watch as he fiddles with finding the right amount of change before inserting the coins in the slot. It takes him a while before he finds whatever song it is he wants and it takes enough time for him to make it back to your table before the jukebox and sound system registers the request. You don’t recognise the first few notes at all, much less the accompanying guitar strings but you don’t have time to search your memory for a title. 

Mat stops by your side, holding a hand out to you. “Dance with me.” It’s more statement than question and under any circumstances, you may have felt a little awkward about doing this, but it’s the heat of the moment and your giddiness that pushes you to your feet, hand in Mat’s. 

The two of you are beaten to an emptier area in the establishment by two other much older couples that were closer to it anyway, and you find that gives you a bit more of a boost also. Mat pulls you to him, wrapping one arm around your waist while holding on to your free hand while you hold on to his shoulder with the other. Your fingers lightly clench and unclench the soft material of his shirt, lowering your head a little and you smile against the back of your hand. It’s so painfully cheesy and there’s nowhere near enough other people dancing along to the song but you love it much more than you thought you ever would. 

“Know what I’d invest all my money into?” He asks you suddenly.

You pull back a little, still swaying along with the song. “Cryptocurrency seems like a safe bet right now.” 

Mat laughs, that big hearty laugh of his that makes your smile wider and when it passes, he presses a chaste kiss on your forehead. “Well, I’m glad one of us has a good head on their shoulders, but no.” He shakes his head, then laughs again, shorter and quieter as if recalling your response. “A time machine. I want to stop time right here and right now so that we can be as we are for a little while longer.”

“Cheesy,” you joke, despite the warmth coursing across your entire body and the jelly-like feeling forming in your knees. “But perfectly understandable.”

“Eventually, we wouldn’t need it, but it’d be nice to have one for tonight.”

“Eventually? How so?” You question, then narrow your eyes a little, the gesture playful. “You plan on getting bored of me and breaking up?” 

“What!” He exclaims and pulls you in just that much closer. He lets go of your hand only so he could bring his to your chin, tipping your head back a little. “Never,” kiss, “say that,” kiss, “again.” The final kiss you share with him is a little longer and you take the liberty of bringing your hand to his chest, palm pressing against it to feel the thump of his heart against his ribcage momentarily. Then, slowly, you graze the tips of your nails along his exposed collarbone and peck his lips once more before pulling away. It’s then that the song’s name and artist comes to your mind, almost as an afterthought. From hidden speakers, Brett Young declares I couldn’t live life without you and Mat gives you a pointed stare. “Damn, he said it before I could.” 

“It’s the thought that counts,” you assure him. “Either way, I think I prefer hearing it from you, Barzal.” 

“I’m pretty sure I couldn’t live without you,” he recites and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. He sways you both in a more exaggerated manner that makes you cling to him more out of habit than necessity. You’ve known you’d trust Mat with anything, but each day, he seems to do something that makes that thought solidify more and more in your mind. The comfort and safety that brings wraps around you like a warm blanket.

Be it the hot weather, the somewhat stifling interior of the bar, the sips of sangria on an empty stomach, the euphoria of the moment or all things combined, you nod quickly. And from somewhere in the depths of your mind, the very bottom of your heart, you respond with, “I can get used to this day after day. So don’t let me go, baby.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he whispers, tone full of care and love and warmth. He gives you his promise without hesitation and you know it’s bound to stick.

*

Your phone buzzes once. 

I’m downstairs. Need help with your bags?

You push up from the comfort of your couch and make one last round of your apartment to make sure you had everything you definitely needed from where it was placed. 

I’m good. Will be down in a minute, you text back but don’t pocket your phone right away. Instead, you stare at the screen for a little while longer, half tempted to scroll through the thread of messages. They’d provide a stark timeline of when things started going wrong and you would probably be able to see exactly how things changed between the two of you from the moment you suggested a mere break wouldn’t do it. But doing that would be like breaking a streak you had going for sufficient time to earn a pat on your back. The journey of getting to a point where you were sufficiently okay with being in Mat’s presence without any other company was a long one and the last thing you needed was to recall how it once was. 

You and Mat started out as friends after Elise introduced the two of you just a short while before he started his professional career with the Islanders. She talked about how the two of them met in school and how great of a guy he was; real down to earth, funny and incredibly ambitious - traits she also assigned to you, and therefore thought the two of you would get along great. She wasn’t wrong about it. You knew a little about hockey, going to games every now and then mostly whenever Elise dragged you along but you found that Mat made the game more enjoyable. He explained it to you in a manner that didn’t make you feel belittled or as if it should be something you already knew of, and didn’t mind explaining some things more than once. On the other hand, you introduced him to your own hobbies and the little world you created for yourself in a city as big and busy as New York. You showed him the more lowkey but homely establishments, including your favourite pizza place that - unbeknown to you at the time - would become yours and his, and even took him to a few student bars where you regularly beat him at pool while he showed off at darts. Occasionally, it felt weird to watch him unwind in such…normal places and ways while on other days, he shone on ice and was easily one of the best rookies emerging from one of the country’s most well known sports leagues. Yet despite that, you found that athlete Mat wasn’t all that different from Mat the person.

He never put a front and his genuine manner was refreshing to you, particularly during a time when you were still a college student and a good portion of the guys around were textbook frat boys. Being around Mat was comfortable and safe. You didn’t feel the need to speak a certain way or be a different person, and retrospectively, the way you felt towards him developed almost organically. You felt yourself gravitating towards him and were pleasantly surprised by the moments when he’d seek you out first. A day off here and a day off there until eventually, you found yourself spending much of your free time with him and vice-versa. 

Falling in love with Mat was easy. Being without Mat was difficult. But, thankfully, not impossible apparently. 

Convinced you packed everything you needed, made your way out with a duffle bag on your shoulder and a suitcase at your heels. 

True to his word, Mat was parked in front of your place and as soon as you pushed open the building’s door, he looked up from his phone and made his way over to you. The last thing you needed was to make the journey any more awkward or difficult for the both of you, so you didn’t argue when he took the bags from you to stow them away in the trunk. 

“Are you going across the country?” You ask, peeking into the trunk while he plays Tetris with the bags. 

“What?” He questions, evidently distracted by the task at hand but straightens up when you delicately place a hand on his arm, pushing him to the side a little. 

“You’d think you’re going across the country for like, two or three weeks rather than a couple of days,” you repeat. “Maybe put that smaller bag sideways? That might let the bigger suitcase fit.” 

He follows your guidance and sure enough, that does the trick: the suitcases fit perfectly in the trunk and you grin to yourself, triumphant. 

Mat steps back, closing the trunk and brushes his hands together. “Thanks,” he says and you nod, heading towards your seat in the front. He follows you inside just as you click in your seatbelt. “I don’t think it’ll take us more than two or three hours to get there if traffic’s as good as it was when I checked it a little while earlier. Got everything?” 

“Everything important that is. Everything else, I’ll just worry about and pull my hair out when we get there,” you tell him and you can’t help feeling proud for being able to keep conversation light and as normal as you can. 

After all, you’ve known life before Mat and you’re rediscovering it after him too. 

Mat laughs ever so quiet, and from the corner of your eye, you catch him brushing his hand across his mouth though he’s a few seconds too slow in trying to mask his smile. 

“I think I’ll need to fill up soon, but let me know if there’s anywhere else you want to stop along the way,” he tells you while pulling out of the parking spot. 

You nod even if he probably might not see it and take the liberty to scroll through radio stations. Mat doesn’t seem to be against it, so you continue switching to them until, a little frustrating that nothing seems to work for you, you connect your phone to the car and play one of your playlists. A mix of upbeat pop and an assortment of viral tracks fill in the silence for a while, and the act of singing along in your head takes your mind away from how it almost feels as if you’re sitting on needles. It takes a conscious effort on your behalf to remind yourself to loosen your shoulders and stop fiddling too much with your hands, and you’re glad Mat seems to be plenty preoccupied with driving. Once upon a time, he would’ve immediately picked up on even the most mild of your discomforts and tried to do anything he could to alleviate them. You don’t know how much, if at all, Mat changed during the time you spent apart but you want to think that you no longer wear your heart on your sleeve as much and your emotions are much more guarded, especially in his presence. 

Apparently, though, there’s only so much he can take with silence filled in by music because once he’s off busier streets, he leans in his seat more comfortably and you can tell he very briefly turns his head towards you. “Think they’ll like their wedding gift?” 

You direct your gaze away from the flashing scenery outside to Mat. “Absolutely. Who wouldn’t like it? Trust me when I say Bali’s been a place Elise always wanted to visit and I can’t think of a better time than now,” you assure him.

“If they don’t, it’s on you,” he says and it takes you a beat longer to realise he’s just joking so you huff out a laugh, relaxing back in the seat. 

“If they don’t, they can give one of the tickets to me and I’ll happily go there.” You cast a glare out at the scenery ahead, eyes narrowing upwards towards the overcast sky. “I don’t think summer will ever come at this rate. I’m starting to hate it here.”

“Doubt Baltimore was any better,” Mat points out.

“Hardly,” you sigh. “Maybe I’ll ask them to send me to Miami instead. That’d be much better.” 

Mat clears his throat quickly, shifting a little. “So, are you planning on going back to Baltimore or... Why are you back?” You catch sight of the frown forming on his face, and he quickly shakes his head as if trying to rid the hint of accusation from his voice. “That sounded wrong, sorry. But just genuinely curious. I thought a permanent move was on the table?”

“It was. Still is, but they needed me back here to wrap up a project. It was a pretty bad move on their behalf to send me there before we had that wrapped up nice and neat, bow and all, but I guess…” You trail off, shrugging a shoulder. “Guess we’ll see what’s next after that. They do want me back there, though. It just depends how long it takes for things here to fall into place.” 

“Fair enough.” Another pause, another moment for him to press his lips together in silent deliberation. He did that often, and you wonder if that remains a habit still. “Was it a promotion? I forgot, sorry.” 

“All good,” you assure, brushing off the apology. “Not a promotion per se, but a sidestep with just a slightly bigger paycheck. The office there is a bit smaller than the New York one so maybe there’s a higher chance of getting promoted sooner, but I don’t want to jump the gun on that yet. How did things work out for you guys this season?” 

The Islanders had a good season, making the playoffs but fell just short of making the semi-finals, you knew that. After all, you hadn’t removed the Islanders game and news alerts from your phone and you put that on your laziness. You wouldn’t shy away from admitting to him you still followed the team’s progression, but you preferred not to. 

“Could’ve been better but there’s lots to learn from it,” Mat tells you and there’s a trace of excitement and determination in his voice. “Next season will be even better, I guarantee.” 

It’s a staple Mat response, one he always gave if he felt a game didn’t end in their favour or he didn’t do as much as he thought he should have. Sometimes, it took him some time to accept it. Usually, it came to him after pushing himself in training, after going that extra step in the gym, after re-watching highlights or coach videos and always - always, you’d assure him that it takes a team to move forward, not a single person. Always, he’d kiss you and tell you he loves you and always, you’d spend those moments wrapped up in each other’s arms, more often than not with Mat’s head resting against your chest and your leg slung around his hip. 

“Plenty of time to lift that cup, Barzal,” you assure him. “Sure, the sooner the better but there’s always a right time for everything.”

“I hope so,” he agrees pensively, and lingers on that thought. 

You let him to it, directing your attention back to the view outside and only now and then picking up your phone either to switch songs or browse through a few applications. A part of you feels almost obliged to try and push for conversation but you avoid doing so. The last thing you need is to make it painfully awkward for the two of you and you figure Mat could always do that himself if he feels like it. So, you let your mind wander to better things - to the upcoming rehearsal and the wedding itself, to how good Elise will look and how Tito will be so proud to watch her walk the aisle towards him. You imagine their reaction to the gift you and Mat contributed towards and smiled to yourself, knowing it was a perfect pick for them both. 

You don’t think about telling Elise you and Mat had lied to them. You don’t think about passing this hurdle - the final one before you two will become strangers to one another. You don’t think about how the next time you might both see each other again, you’ll both have such different lives that for a brief moment, the surprise of it will knock the air out of your lungs before you remember: that’s him without me, and this is me without him. And you won’t be the first or the last people to break up, but a part of you is certain what the two of you had was unique and could’ve been grand. So much grander.

You become more alert to your surroundings when he starts slowing the car and you notice you’re pulling up into a gas station. As much as space allows you, you stretch out a little and Mat stops right by one of the pumps.

“Want something for the road?” You ask him, unplugging your phone and taking your card from your bag. 

“Hold on, I’ll come with you,” Mat tells you and it doesn’t take long for the refill to happen before you both walk into the station’s store, beelining for the snack aisles even if you have only two hours or so until you reach your destination. 

“Oh gosh, those are going to be a nightmare to clean up if you spill any in the car,” you groan quietly as he browses through the variety of Nerds flavours. 

“But they’re so good though,” he shoots back and flashes a smile that is nothing short of sly when he picks up two boxes instead of one. 

“Yeah, until the flavour runs out literally two seconds after you put them in your mouth. I mean, enjoy that but I’m different,” you boast and pick up a bag of sour candy. 

“You just like obliterating your taste buds.” 

He’s not wrong. Sour candy and spicy foods are your guilty pleasures, and have been for the longest time. You don’t try to look into how easily he recalls that because, you tell yourself, there’s nothing to look into. It’s a mere fact that anyone who knows you would easily recite. 

“You’re wrong and you know it, but admitting that is difficult so it’s fine, Barzal. No hard feelings,” you throw back, snickering as you head over to the fridges for a bottle of cold water. Instinctively, you grab another for him and instinctively, he takes your candy and the water to pay for them but you still tag along with him in the queue. 

“No shot. I like some spice but to the point where I literally can’t taste anything else? Hey, remember that one time when you made something… Can’t remember what it was but it was so…” He purses his lips and you laugh because yes, yes you remember it so clearly. 

“So good you ended up crying over it?” You offer. 

“More like, I wasn’t crying but it was so fucking spicy, Y/N, holy.” 

“You survived though, didn’t you?”

“I only did because there isn’t a thing you do I don’t like,” he says and then, seems to catch himself but a second too late. “Didn’t like,” he corrects quietly but the damage is done. 

You swallow uncomfortably, directing your gaze away from him but don’t hesitate to nod towards the outside. “I’ll head over to the car. I’ll text Elise to tell her we’re close.” 

“Y/N—“ 

But you’re already taking steps towards the exit and out of ear shot, making a beeline for the car. Your heart thumps rapidly and uncomfortable in your chest and find that pressing a palm to your left side doesn’t make it any better. You know it’s an innocent mistake and there are some habits that die hard, but the way he phrased it triggered your fight or flight instinct instantaneously and despite yourself, you leaned towards the latter. You enter the car and take the time to compose yourself as much as you could. The last thing you need is to have a conversation with Mat about this because you didn’t want to have it - it shouldn’t happen for the sake of avoiding making the situation even more uncomfortable. It was an innocent slip up, no doubt, and you should’ve braced yourself to speak of Mat in present tense as opposed to past tense in the presence of others but it comes to you harder than imagined. 

It’s odd how you both once knew so much about each other, everything even, and now the two of you are reduced to dancing around all that and making conscious efforts to keep your conversations as short and banal as possible. 

You try and busy yourself with formulating a message to Ellie, one that’s long enough to try and make you seem as busy as possible by the time Mat returns to the car, but every line you wrote, every mini paragraph going into dull details about the trip and where you guys currently are seemed like an overthrow. So, you delete that also and simply text her an OTW just as Mat sets the sweets on the centre console and the bottles in the cup holders. 

He doesn’t start the engine immediately and your mood quickly switches to frustration. Sure, you hadn’t handled it in the best way possible but trying to have a conversation about it wouldn’t make it any better. Or at least, it’s just something you didn’t want to have to think about for the remainder of the journey. 

But he does just that, because that is what Mat always did: he talked with you.

“I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable,” he begins, “I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did. It’s force of habit more than anything else.”

“It’s whatever, Mat, so just move past it. I did, simple as that,” you tell him neutrally. 

There’s something in that response he must have not liked because you pick up on his small huff and shortly after, the car starts and you’re both on the road again. This time, with silence between you and an atmosphere so heavy it makes you wish you weren’t speeding down an Interstate just so you could open the window and let some of the air in.

-

The hotel the wedding will be held at lies in front of you, sprawling and secluded and perfect for an event like this. Tito is already at the entrance and when he spots Mat’s car, he waves quickly while Mat quickly flashes the headlights before pulling into an available parking spot.

“There they are!” Tito says by way of greeting and you walk right into his outstretched arms, hugging him. “Can’t believe so much time passed since we last saw each other. What is it, two months? Three?” 

“Three,” you confirm once you pull away so that Mat could hug him also. “It’s good to see you too. Where’s Elise?” 

“She wanted to check on some small details and said she’ll meet up with you guys in a bit. So here I am, the welcoming committee,” Tito explained and when he and Mat stepped apart, he reached out to give you another short hug which you accepted. “So how was Baltimore? Don’t suppose you liked it all that much if you’re back so soon. This guy was happy about it,” Tito adds, nodding his head towards Mat who was already busy emptying the trunk. 

You press your lips together, displaying a small smile. “Baltimore wasn’t too bad but they missed me here, apparently. Can’t complete a damn thing without my two cents so here I am for now.”

Tito frowns, but the expression is very brief. “For now? We’ll need to talk more about that later so Barzy doesn’t mope around as much as he did back then.”

You throw a quick glance towards Mat but he’s looking away towards whatever interesting spot on the ground he found, pointedly ignoring you. “I’ll have a word with him about it later,” you tell Tito lightly and together, the three of you make your way inside, towards the reception. 

“I think Elise is in the room at the end of the corridor if you want to say hi,” Tito informs you and you jump at the opportunity. 

You follow the corridor, making a right turn and continuing along the dimly lit hallway leading to what the signs informed you to be Conference Room 1. The door is slightly ajar and you begin picking up on the buzz of activity coming from within and soon enough, you’re face to face with a spacey room boasting an array of flowers and various arrangements tastefully decorating tables and drooping down from the ceiling. No doubt, the effect will be lovely during the night when colourful neon lights can be turned on. You spot Elise easily: she’s in the midst of the room with what is undoubtedly the scrapbook of ideas she’d been carefully putting together since Tito asked her to marry him. Outwardly, she’s all smiles and laughter but you can imagine the amount of effort and planning putting all of this together and working with planners takes. 

When she spots you, she squeals in excitement, sets her book down and dashes across the room to engulf you in a hug, making you stumble a few steps back. 

You burst into laughter and wrap your arms around her, squeezing her with just enough force to try and communicate how much you missed her but not so that it was uncomfortable. 

“I missed you! You’re here!” She exclaims, stepping back to look at you in disbelief then hugging you again. “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy you’re here! Where’s Mat? Is he here too?”

“Of course he is,” you assure her with a laugh. “I missed you too.” You throw a curious glance towards the room over her shoulder, nodding your head towards it. “How’s it going? Need me to take over for a bit?” 

“Maybe later. Definitely later. Come on.” She wraps an arm around yours and leads the way out of the room, undoubtedly back to the reception area where you left Mat and Tito. “Please tell me Baltimore is off the table. FaceTime is fine, sure, but it’s not great, you know? I need the real deal next to me. Besides, I’m not sure if you heard, but Mat wasn’t Mat without you.”

“So I heard, but forget about us!” You said in a desperate attempt to try and steer attention away from the subject. “Tell me about how everything’s going. Are you still nervous about it? Because trust me, Elise - you have absolutely nothing to be nervous of. What I’ve heard of so far and what I’ve seen will make it the absolute best day, surely.”

“Of course I’m nervous,” she tells you and to demonstrate, she holds her free hand in front of you and sure enough, there’s just a slight tremble to it. “Please lend me some of those nerves of steel of yours, Y/N, I’d do anything to have even a small percentage of them right now.”

“Pft, as if. Those are all show, trust me.” 

“I’ll take even that. Oh, Mat!” She greets as soon as the two of you reach the reception area and Elise spots Mat.

Much like you and Tito, they hug and when she steps back, she immediately stands next to Tito who doesn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. They exchange a quick kiss and you smile at the happiness and bliss they’re clearly surrounded by. 

It’s the slight pressure on your lower back that makes you jolt a little on the spot and it’s then you realise Mat had gently placed his hand there to encourage you a little closer. It takes effort on your behalf to follow his guidance but you move towards him, though you wish you could physically wince at how undoubtedly stiff the two of you must look. Or hopefully, not greatly so because neither Tito nor Elise comment on it or shoot you any funny looks as the four of you engage in brief conversation, mainly surrounding the trip here and any other guests they expect to receive today. 

You don’t hang around much, though. Elise’s phone begins buzzing incessantly and she’s whisked away by the message received, but not before she fixes you with a pointed stare and demands the two of you have drinks later in the evening. Tito follows her also, even if he informs you and Mat that he feels as if he’s running around in the right places only because of Elise and the wedding planners, but you encourage him on by joking he could maybe turn a few candles on the tables this way or that for some extra oomph. 

“I can’t imagine how she does it,” you admit to Mat once the elevator doors slide shut soundlessly and the car begins moving upwards to your floor.

“Pretty sure it’s not that big of a deal to her, given what all this is leading to,” Mat tells you and you detect a hint of detachment in his voice. 

You don’t welcome it, of course you don’t, but you choose to not point that out to him. The last thing you want is an argument to break out the relatively okay mood the two of you have managed to hold, recent events that could be erased from memory aside. Instead, you simply stand back quietly, eyes glued on the red digital numbers aside until they come to a halt on the ninth floor where the elevator stops and you’re both left in a silent, dimly lit hallway. 

Mat has the key to the apartment Elise told you the two of you would be in and just before tapping in, he hands you your own copy of it. Up until this very moment, you hadn’t thought very much of the overnight arrangements. You were pretty sure you meant to ask Elise a bit more about them at some point but both your attention and hers were pulled in different directions and here you were, stepping into your place for the next couple of nights, Mat trailing a little behind you. 

You stop, arms folding across your chest and you feel Mat stop somewhere close behind you, looking into one room.

“I didn’t think this through,” you state neutrally. 

Ahead of you lay only one bed. 

[legguk]

Hi!! So,

it's my ( literal ) first time writing fanfiction, so I'm pretty new at this stuff, but Lady Dimitrescu is all I was able to think about for weeks and I >needed< to do something about it.

( If you want some context, I wrote this thinking “what if Alcina survived?” - Alcina's pov )

———

The fall,

The end of everything you once loved

Ethan Winters.

You woke up... somehow, you woke up. The frigid air hitting your fresh wounds felt like a jolt send by reality, as if one says "you're still alive" -

- and oh how you were starting to hate that feeling.

Laying on the demolished floor of your castle, muscles twitching in pain, mouth open gasping for air... that's how you are, how you will remember yourself from now on. A defeated dragon, a crushed woman, a dead mother.

You should get up, you should let go of your carcass and crawl your way back into the warmth of your home, you should—

—you should be dead, actually. Resting on death's cold embrace along with your daughters.

Daughters.

God, your daughters.

The memories flood your mind with a painful, unbearable reminder; they're gone, dead, crystalized - gone. They're gone. Your lovely daughters, your pride and joy, the main reason you'd open up your eyes in the morning...

...Bela,

Cassandra,

Daniela....

Their names are long cold, not yet forgotten - no, never forgotten - but somewhere else, as they don't belong here anymore; not on your arms, tucking them to bed. Not on your hands, caressing their faces. Not on your lips, kissing their foreheads. Not on your tongue, as you say them.

A raspy scream leaves your throat, it sounds disturbing.

You sob, hot tears trailing down your cheeks and neck, small cries for help find their way into the wind, disappearing with less importance then when they materialized.

You cannot recall for how long you stayed at that very same position, perhaps some hours, perhaps a day, but you are certain that at some point you were overcame by tiredness and collapsed - probably the best to do for now.

xxx

And so, rises the moon and the stars watch upon your limp body, the night howling a merciful wind and singing a melodic song. Grunting, you push yourself up with your elbows, sitting up and facing the sky through the hole you've made on the roof... and the levels above...

A huge carcass sits besides you, it's wings bended on itself and it's big mouth open to whoever would like to have a peek; you probably changed back into your normal body while unconscious... Now that you can see it clearly, you notice the damage that man-thing did to you... by heavens, how were you still alive and...

Oh. The castle. You look forward, taking in the horizon - the stars look exclusively shiny tonight - you breath in, the dusty air causes you to chough a few times. Stretching your neck a bit to see your whole house, you tell yourself it looks.. fine, actually, ignoring the broken windows. The broken windows.

It's cold. You shiver harshly, panting as the air meets your bare back and rumbles through your lungs, making you hug yourself, - you're naked, you just realized - the winter in Romania is truly kind to no one.

Your legs tremble with just the thought of trying to stand on your feet. You don't rush to do it either, let the wintry breeze take in your wounds, make it sting, burn it, freeze it; freeze your body along.

“To die. To die is to live. To live without them, that's torture. To live without their presence, absent of their scents, to not hear them, nor see their faces again, that's worse than death; far, far worse. How could I ever walk into that damned house without the heavenly sounds of their laughs, the tapping of their feet as they walk free, the steadiness of their heartbeats, reminding me that my own still beats.

Beats for them. For them only.

And they're gone.

So who shall my heart beat for? Myself? No, that wouldn't do. I will rip it out from my chest if I must, sacrifice it to any god who may hear me, all so I could spend five more minutes with them. Then I'd die in peace and find them at my arms again at whatever comes after this poor life.

But I'm here.”

You still hold yourself as you stare at a castle's - broken - window, new warm tears hanging the same trail the old and now dry ones did, a silent cry.

Your intrusive thoughts were abruptly cut by a loud noise from the inside of the castle, making you jump up, gathering all your last strengths to stand and walk a few shaky steps closer to home. The more you walked, the louder the noises got; a little rustle became a bang, and your tiptoing became a sprint, you hold yourself as tight as you can, ignoring the bleeding, the cold air spiking your lungs, how insanely fast you heartbeat was. You need to get there, protect the last remnant of them you still have.

The gates felt heavy now, even for you, who would open them with one hand. Where is your strength now? The fearless dragon who'd do anything to protect her house? Perhaps she died on that fall, and now all there's left is a shadow of what you were one day.

With much pain, you open the big doors, leading to the comfort of your house; you don't get in, you throw yourself in. The warm atmosphere engulfed you like a summer kiss on a winter storm, all you needed to ground yourself to reality for now. Grabbing some sheets laying over an old counter, you wrap yourself in it – oh, that's gonna get soaked in blood, but that's not of your concern now – moving incredibly fast for someone as hurt as yourself, you follow the continuous sounds that could not mean something good. The main doors are open, the cellar is unlocked as well, that idiotic man-thing couldn't even close the doors once he finished slaughtering your home? Imbecile.

You stand at the library's door now, suddenly frozen; you know what happened in there... do you really want to get in? Are you truly ready to face it again? Maybe you should take a step back and walk away, it would be the most logical decision to take now.

But what is logic when the heart screams? What is the brain for once your emotions take the best of you? You can't walk away. Put some honor on your name. Save the last bit of your daughter that fate is still conceiving you. Your chest rises and falls completely out of coordination, your fists close around the fabric involving your body; get ready, you're going in; gather the last bit of courage you have inside yourself and blast these doors.

And so you do.

You bring those pieces of wood to the ground, the only barrier between you and the reality you couldn't accept; a guttural growl forms in your chest as you see a lycan approach your child's crystalized body; you're blind with ire, sorrow, protectorship - you name it - and it makes you shout at the top of your lungs as you dilacerate the filthy beasts you'd bat your eye at. A bloody trail of corpses marks your way through the castle grounds, your claws dripping with fresh sanguine fluid - which you can't tell if it's from the creatures or from yourself - the crimson path follows you all the way to the other wing of mansion like a spirit who must haunt you for eternity.

You scream like a feral animal, blood soaking the once white cloth around your form; the scream becomes a shriek, which descends to a yelp, ending as a furious cry. You can feel the anger leaving you, like the waters of a waterfall; explosive, big portions of water falling into a numb, deaden lake. Hopefully those waters will carry you with them, you shall fall and sink at a anesthetizing lagoon.

You kneel, eyes closed, eyebrows frowned; a loud sigh fills the deafening silence in the air, your mind is blank – better, your mind is red, scarlet red mixed with black, ire and grief. Slowly, your head lower itself so you're facing the floor.

The big Lady Dimitrescu,

kneeling on a pool of blood, defeated.

•

“Lady Dimitrescu!”

Who..? The voice was so far yet so close, you try your best to focus on the direction of the calls but your nerves just won't cooperate.

“Lady!”

Who would be calling for you? Is your mind playing tricks on you now? And since when you were laying on the floor? Too many questions for too little answers. You try to stand up, but a sharp pain on your side made you cry out and fall on your back, face knotted in pain – perhaps your adrenaline rush was keeping you from feeling what was really happening with your body, and now you feel like you're betraying yourself for that.

A small figure approaches you in a fast pace, causing you to unleash your claws one more time and snarl at the not-so-possible threat; you were hurt. Vulnerable. Letting someone close was the last thing you wanted now. The humanoid thing backs away a few steps with your aggressive reaction, hands on their chest, visibly afraid – even though your vision is quite blurry, you identify their expression: scared, desperate, sorrowful – they call out once more, almost shouting.

“Please, Lady Dimitrescu, let me help!”

Ah... Help... The now clearer feminine voice washes over you - a wave of compassion - as if hope has found its way to your house again. Well, it better go away again, or you'll drag it out yourself.

“Out.” was all that left your lips, your intense gaze locking with hers, a silent yet not so discrete warning; although you had only said one word, it was well understood by the woman, who stepped away, eyes still meeting yours, a dreadful cast hang on her face.

Still, she didn't left.

Is that girl testing her luck? It can only be. Once again you warn her: “Leave. I will not repeat myself.”

Her posture stiffens, after a moment of silence she looks at the door, truly wondering about leaving or not; her body turns around, her knuckles going white from how hard she was grabbing the fabric on her chest – she's conflicted. But why? Who is she, after all? – A long, defeated sigh leaves her, as if she knows there is no choice left.

“Allow me to help.” A failed effort on trying to sound confident; her voice is full of tears and her tone is oscillating – it makes you wonder if she has been crying – The human walks towards you, trying not to make any eye contact; you can't stand on your feet, you left hand is pressed on your injured side, the other is open and directing your now extended nails towards her.

Oh how funny it is, no?

The predator being cornered by the prey. The dragon being trapped by the rabbit. How ridiculous it is.

Her extremely shaky hands hang in front of her, trying to say she won't hurt you – oh if she only knew it's going to be the other way round. – One step closer.. Her lips and chin tremble; Another. Your claws grow bigger, eyes peering through her soul; another step, your eyebrows frown, her eyes are teary. The last step - your blood is boiling hot, your nerves on edge; you are still the predator. - a slicing sound and a half-scream saturate the air for a millisecond, just for silence to overfill it once more. Red splashes over the room again, on your face, on your chest, but mostly on the floor, where the girl was thrown at.

An agonizing scream leaves her throat - what a miracle, she remains alive - both of her hands cover her face, blood spilling all over her; what a sight, you would most definitely enjoy this very much on another situation. She cries out in despair, making you face the ceiling and close your eyes, a tired look on your face – you just want all this to end, you don't have any more patience for this. You want to crawl back into your bed and starve, you want to destroy this place, make it abandoned ruins of what one day was a home; you want to kill that damned sickening man-thing, kill this foolish girl for perturbing your grieving, and then yourself.

The woman captures your attention once again, she is kneeling, her body facing yours, her right hand presses her ripped face, the other makes its slow way up to you, although she is trembling, she manages to keep her hand steady enough to hand you a little green flask with a yellow-y label; You look closer, 'treatment disinfectant' it says... Oh you can only be joking. You feel like slaughtering the girl right this instant, but takes in a deep breath and holds the flask, her hand immediately falling along with her body. Is she dead? No, her slow yet consistent breathing exclaims that she is still alive – you honestly find it a bit offensive – You should, but you cannot bring yourself to finish the human; you should end her suffering, but now she caught your attention; and besides, she wants to help, doesn't she? then the price she'll pay is staying alive.

———

hahaaa I'm so nervous about posting this,,, ,

and yes! It is a alcina x maiden fic! I do plan it to be slow burn, and if some you liked it and read it till here, please like and/or reblog and I'll post chapter 2!

( posted on Ao3! Name: “The woman in your castle” )

( chapter 2 posted!! )

[perpetual-stories]

How To Fight Writers Block

hello, hello. hope everyone is doing well. as you can all tell, this post will be about how to fight writers block.

it’s really annoying to me when I hear people say “oh you don’t have writers block, you’re just lazy.”

first of all, yes, I am naturally lazy. second of all, how dare you. writing isn’t as easy as many think. granted, all you have to do is write down words on paper, but it’s not always easy to find the right words to express what you are feeling, or what you wish to say.

I have had terrible writer’s block for the last few days and it’s horrible! as a business owner or a small writing store, I have to be ready to write and fulfill my clients’ ideas and orders.

it’s not easy. It takes a heavy toll on my imagination, and digs me a deep pit of blockage, drowning in the lack of originality because of the constant writing and repetition or certain phrases and sentences in different projects.

i am making this post in the hopes to remind myself about over coming the dreaded and sometimes skeptically believed writer’s block.

What is writer’s block?

Yeah, I know. We all know what that is, but let me define it.

is the state of being unable to proceed with writing, and/or the inability to start writing something new

some people believe it to be a real problem, others believe it's “all in your head”

What Causes Writer’s Block?

in the 1970s, clinical psychologists Jerome Singer and Michael Barrios decided to find out

they concluded that there are four broad causes of writer's block:

Excessively harsh self-criticism

Fear of comparison to other writers

Lack of external motivation, like attention and praise

Lack of internal motivation, like the desire to tell one's story

How to overcome writer's block: 20 tips

1. Develop a writing routine:

Author and artist Twyla Tharp once wrote: “Creativity is a habit, and the best creativity is a result of good work habits.”

it might seem counterintuitive

if you only write when you “feel creative,” you're bound to get stuck in a tar pit of writer's block

The only way to push through is by disciplining yourself to write on a regular schedule. It might be every day, every other day, or just on weekends — but whatever it is, stick to it!

2. Use "imperfect" words:

A writer can spend hours looking for the perfect word or phrase to illustrate a concept

You can avoid this fruitless endeavor by putting, “In other words…” and simply writing what you’re thinking, whether it’s eloquent or not

You can then come back and refine it later by doing a CTRL+F search for “in other words.”

3. Do non-writing activities:

one of the best ways to climb out of a writing funk is to take yourself out of your own work and into someone else’s

Go to an exhibition, to the cinema, to a play, a gig, eat a delicious meal

immerse yourself in great STUFF and get your synapses crackling in a different way

Snippets of conversations, sounds, colors, sensations will creep into the space that once felt empty

4. Freewrite through it:

free-writing involves writing for a pre-set amount of time without pause — and without regard for grammar, spelling, or topic. You just write.

The goal of freewriting is to write without second-guessing yourself — free from doubt, apathy, or self-consciousness, all of which contribute to writer's block. Here’s how:

Find the right surroundings. Go somewhere you won't be disturbed.

Pick your writing utensils. Will you type at your computer, or write with pen and paper? (Tip: if you're prone to hitting the backspace button, you should freewrite the old-fashioned way!)

Settle on a time-limit. Your first time around, set your timer for just 10 minutes to get the feel for it. You can gradually increase this interval as you grow more comfortable with freewriting.

5. Relax on your first draft:

Many writers suffer form perfectionism, which is especially debilitating during a first draft

“Blocks often occur because writers put a lot of pressure on themselves to sound ‘right’ the first time. A good way to loosen up and have fun again in a draft is to give yourself permission to write imperfectly.” — editor Lauren Hughes

perfect is the enemy of good,” so don't agonize about getting it exactly right! You can always go back and edit, maybe even get a second pair of eyes on the manuscript

6. Don’t start at the beginning:

the most intimidating part of writing is the start, when you have a whole empty book to fill with coherent words

instead of starting with the chronological beginning of whatever it is you’re trying to write, dive into middle, or wherever you feel confident

7. Take a shower:

Have you ever noticed that the best ideas tend to arrive while in the shower, or while doing other “mindless” tasks?

research shows that when you’re doing something monotonous (such as showering, walking, or cleaning), your brain goes on autopilot, leaving your unconscious free to wander without logic-driven restrictions

showering is my favourite thing to do if I may add

8. Balance your inner critic:

successful writers have in common is the ability to hear their inner critic, respectfully acknowledge its points, and move forward

You don't need to completely ignore that critical voice, nor should you cower before it

you must establish a respectful, balanced relationship, so you can address what's necessary and skip over what's insecure and irrelevant

9. Switch up your tool:

a change of scenery can really help with writer's block. However, that scenery doesn't have to be your physical location — changing up your writing tool can be just as big a help!

if you’ve been typing on your word processor of choice, try switching to pen and paper. Or if you're just sick of Google Docs, consider using specialized novel writing software.

10. Change your POV:

great advice from editor Lauren Hughes: “When blocked, try to see your story from another perspective ‘in the room’ to help yourself move beyond the block. How might a minor character narrate the scene if they were witnessing it? A ‘fly on the wall’ or another inanimate object?

11. Exercise your creative muscles:

Any skill requires practice if you want to improve, and writing is no different! So if you’re feeling stuck, perhaps it’s time for a strengthening scribble-session to bolster your abilities

12. Map out your story:

If your story has stopped chugging along, help it pick up steam by taking a more structured approach — specifically, by writing an outline

13. Write something else:

Though it's important to try and push through writer's block with what you're actually working on, sometimes it's simply impossible

feel free to push your current piece to the side for now and write something new

14. Work on your characters:

It follows that if your characters are not clearly defined, you’re more likely to run into writer’s block

15. Stop writing for readers:

write for yourself, not your potential readers

this will help you reclaim the joy of being creative and get you back in touch with what matters: the story.

this is something I really need to do. because of my etsy business i don't write for fun anymore, but instead as a business and a deadline. i'm going to have to pull out my old crappy wattled fanfics or write some new ones.

16. Try a more visual process:

when words fail you, forget them and get visual. Create mind maps, drawings, Lego structures — ideally related to your story, but whatever unblocks your mind!

17. Look for the root of it:

writer’s block often comes from a problem deeper than simple “lack of inspiration.” So let's dig deep: why are you really blocked? Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I feel pressure to succeed and/or competition with other writers?

Have I lost sight of what my story is about, or interest in where it's going?

Do I lack confidence in my own abilities, even if I've written plenty before?

Have I not written for so long that I feel intimidated by the mere act?

Am I simply feeling tired and run-down?

once you identify what's wrong, it'll be so much easier to fix.

18. Quit the Internet:

If willpower isn’t your strong suit and your biggest challenge is staying focused, try a site blocker like Freedom or an app like Cold Turkey

19. Let the words find you:

meditate, go for a walk, take that shower

Word Palette is a great app that features a keyboard of random words, allowing you to simply click your way to your next masterpiece.

You can also try AI auto-completers like Talk to Transformer, where you can enter a phrase and let the app “guess what comes next.”

even though they often produce nonsense, it's a great way to help that writer's block.

20. Write like Hemingway:

And if your biggest block is your own self-doubt about your prose, Hemingway offers suggestions to improve your writing as you go

it's a pretty cool app if you ask me.

it highlights your sentences (if need be) and makes suggestions on how to improve them!

well, there you have it! a lengthy post on how to fight writer's block. now i just hope i can combat my own soon.

like, comment and reblog if you find this useful! feel free to reblog in instagram and tag me perpetualstories

Follow me on instagram and tumblr for more writing and grammar tips and more!

[kywaslost]

Levi x Sick Reader

Warnings: being sick, vomiting

I may take requests for Levi, but I only really write comfort for him...

“Cadet L/N, you’re late,” Captain Levi called to your running form. You sprinted to your spot in the role call line, solluting to your captain.

“I’m sorry sir,” you apologized. “It will never happen again sir.” The man shot you a menacing glare.

“It better not.” He finished role call and started giving out the day’s events. “Run 60 laps and then move on to chores.” 

The soldiers responded with, “Yes sir!” and started on their laps.

“Accept you, Cadet L/N,” Levi commanded. You turned your attention towards him and ran over to him. He gave you a cold stare. “You will run until I tell you to stop.”

You gave a quiet upset sigh. “Yes sir.” You solluted before starting your laps. You watched as the other soldiers finished and started on their chores. A couple soldiers shot you sympathetic looka while the others either laughed or ignored you completely.

The sun beat down on your running body hours later. Your legs ached, a headache starting to form behind your eyes.

“Cadet!” You continued to run as Captain Levi called for you. “Take a drink of water, then get back to it. Don’t stall either or you’ll be running all night.” You nodded, slowing your pace.

“Thank you sir.” You walked into the mess hall to get a glass of water, downing it instantly. You then sighed as you started to go run laps again. This is going to be a long day.

Lunch rolled around and everyone was in the mess hall. You saw Captain Levi cross the area you were running and you were hopeful that he would let you eat. Without even speaking a word yourself, Levi answered your unasked question. “Keep going Cadet.” Your hopes smashed to the ground as you nodded, running past a few dying bushes.

Rain clouds rolled in a few hours later and you started to cry. All you wanted to do was eat and get some sleep. The reason you were late this morning is because you weren’t feeling well. You had a small headache and your throat was scratchy but you sucked it up and went to training. Now you knew for a fact that you were sick. You could tell you had a fever by the chills rambling your body even though it was easily over 100 degrees. Sweat poured down your face and into your eyes as you rubbed at your aching head.

“You’re still running?” a voice asked from beside you. Mikasa was jogging beside you.

You let out an airy, “Yeah.” Mikasa looked concerned.

“Do you feel alright? You’re looking paler than usual.” Raindrops soaked your uniform, making the fabric cling to your skin.

“Nah, I’m fine,” you wheezed. Mikasa sighed and stopped running, now walking over to the girl’s dorms. The heat mixed with the rain made the air very humid, which on top of that caused you to have trouble breathing. Captain Levi came to get you a few hours after dinner. The rain poured down even harder and the temperature had dropped drastically, now in the low 60s. The Captain had his cloak draped over his head and shoulders, shielding him from the rain. 

“Cadet!” he yelled. “You’re free to go.” You sighed as you stopped running. Your vision swam.

“Cadet?” The voice was closer this time. You sighed again as your body slammed into the mud, unconscious.

Levi walked over to his soldier. She had stopped running, but all she did was stand there. He was going to remind her not to be late again but he could see the way she swayed. “Cadet? He ran towards the girl as she fell into the mud. He dropped down behind her, shaking her shoulder. “Cadet!” He cursed to himself as he saw she wasn’t going to wake anytime soon. 

“Captain?” Armin and Eren ran over to Levi. “What’s going on? Do you need a medic?” Levi scowled.

“No, she’s alright,” he answered, picking up his soldier.

“What happened?” Eren asked worriedly.

“She passed out,” Levi answered again. “She will be alright.” Leaving the two boys behind, Levi brought his unconscious soldier to his bedroom. He placed her on his bed gently and slowly stripped her of her tan jacket and boots. He covered her with a thick blanket and left in search of Hanji.

Levi roughly slammed the door of the lab open as he made his presence known. He spotted the scientist almost immediately. “Hey four eyes,” he called. “I need your help.”

The brunette smiled up at him. “Sure. What do you need?” He scoffed at her enthusiasm.

“Cadet L/N is unconscious and soaked to the bone. I need you to change her out of the clothes she’s wearing now and into something dry and warm.” The woman looked concerned.

“Why is Y/N unconscious? Did something happen?” she asked worriedly.

“I’m not sure why yet, which is why I need you to get her into something dry. She is in my quarters when you’re ready. And try to make it quick, we can’t have a soldier get sick.” With that said, Levi left the lab and got to work on paperwork in his office.

Hanji came in not five minutes later with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She walked through Levi’s office and into his bedroom. Levi didn’t look up until she came back into his office, arms full of soaking wet clothes. “She’s in dry clothes now. Mind telling me what’s going on?” she explained. Levi sighed.

“She was late this morning and I made her run. I honestly forgot she was out there until after dinner. She had been running in the rain for hours.” Levi had a distant look in his eyes. “Leave.” Hanji nodded and closed the door behind her. The Captain returned to his bedroom to see you still unconscious under the blankets. He took in how pale you looked and how you trembled under the thick blanket. Levi placed his hand on your head and quickly drew it back when he felt the heat radiating from you. He sighed as he went to get a bowl of cold water and a cloth. When he returned, he pulled a chair to his bed and dipped the cloth in the water. He gently wiped down your face with the cloth. He continued to do so as he soaked the cloth and tried to keep your temperature on the low.

He had just drained the cloth of most of its water and dabbed your face when you stirred and opened your eyes, drained of all energy. He pulled his hand back, surprised to see you awake. “Cadet?” he asked quietly. When you noticed he was sitting beside you, you quickly tried to sit up but he pushed you back down. “You need to relax, Cadet.” You looked around the room, confused.

“Captain?” you muttered. He pushed your head back down to rest on one of the pillows.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he confessed. “But I’m glad you’re awake. You need to eat. Wait here.” You watched as your captain left the room. Within minutes you had fallen back asleep again.

Levi walked in 20 minutes later with a tray holding two cups of steaming tea, toast, and soup. He smiled gently when he saw you fast asleep on his bed. He set the try on the bedside drawer and felt your temperature. He decided to let you sleep a bit more before waking you again. He shook your shoulder five minutes later.

“Cadet,” he said quietly. “Wake up L/N.” You stirred, groaning as you covered your eyes. Levi frowned. “Does your head hurt Cadet?” he asked. You nodded as you rolled onto your back. Levi didn’t show it but he felt bad for you. He felt as if this was his fault. He sighed, “I brought some soup, toast, and tea.” He helped you sit up slowly, propping you up against the pillows he stacked behind you. “It is important to stay hydrated when you are ill.”

You looked at the tray with the food, staring at it. Levi followed your gaze and picked up one of the cups of tea. “Here. It’s a special type of tea that helps with common aches and pains. It should help with your headache.” You took the cup with trembling hands. When you lifted the cup to your lips, the warm liquid flowed over your lips. It was soothing, at least it was before you started coughing. You coughed so hard you spilled tea down your shirt. Levi was quick to take the cup from your hands and place it back on the tray. He pulled a cloth from his jacket pocket and dabbed at the liquid dampening your face and torso. When the sputters of coughing fits wouldn’t stop he patted your back genty.

“Jesus Cadet,” he muttered. “You must not be feeling well at all.” When you finally managed to calm down, tears fell silently down your flushed cheeks. It hurt so much. Levi wiped the tears away. “There’s no need to cry, Cadet.” He then continued to wipe at the spilled tea. As he did so, the dots connected in your head and you realized you were in Levi’s room, in his bed. Your eyes widened.

“I’m so sorry,” you whispered, shaking your head. “I’m so sorry.” You started to cry again as you hid your face in your hands. Levi gave up on wiping away the tea when he heard your soft sobs.

“Don’t worry about it Cadet,” he responded as he pulled your hands away from your face. “You’re ill, I get it.” He then held the bowl of soup in his hands. He lifted the spoon to your mouth. “Eat.” Your eyes widened.

“T-There’s no need,” you stuttered. “I can feed myself.”

“Tch,” Levi scoffed. “You couldn’t drink your tea, so I’m going to feed you.” You blushed, not that anyone could tell though, as you nodded and accepted defeat. Levi continued to feed you until the bowl was empty. “Eat this toast,” Levi commanded as he handed the toast to you.

You shook your head. “I can’t,” you muttered. “I’m afraid I’ll get sick if I do.” Levi stood and picked up the trash bin in the corner.

“In that case, I’ll put this here.” He set the bin down beside the bed. He then pulled a t-shirt from a dresser and tossed it at you. You held the cloth in your hands.

“W-What’s this for?” you asked as you looked back up to your captain. He walked towards the door.

“You’re covered in tea. Now change your shirt.” He cracked the door as he left. You slowly pulled your soiled shirt over your head. That’s when you noticed that the clothes you were in weren't your uniform. You pulled Levi’s shirt over your head and layed down. Levi knocked before entering again. He took notice that you looked exhausted. He sat down in his chair, watching over you. “Rest Cadet,” he commanded. You didn’t need much convincing for that to happen. You closed your eyes and fell asleep.

As hours passed Levi sat in his office doing paperwork. The stacks of papers climbed higher and higher each day and he just wanted to get it all finished. The only noise that could be heard were the bugs outside and the sound of his pen gliding across all of the papers. It was almost three in the morning when another sound could be heard. Levi quickly ran into his bedroom to see you vomiting up the food you had eaten earlier into the trash can he had set down. He quickly got on the bed behind you and pulled back your hair. The heat coming from the back of your neck was worse than when he left just hours ago. 

When you had finally stopped emptying the contents of your stomach you cried. Levi shushed you quietly as he picked up the nearly dried cloth and used it to wipe at your mouth. “Calm down Cadet, you’re fine,” he said gently. “You’ll be alright.” He propped you up against the headboard and turned your head to face him. “Do you feel like you’ll be sick again?” You shook your head slowly.

“No,” you said through tears. “I’m good.” Levi slowly got off the bed so he wouldn’t upset your stomach any more than it already was.

“I’m going to clean this out. I’ll be right back.”

Levi returned not long after he left. His heart melted slightly when he walked in to see you still sitting up except this time your legs were pulling to your chest. You were shivering violently even though sweat covered your face. “Cadet…” Levi said quietly. He picked up a spare cloth and soaked it in the water. He ran the rag gently over your face, nose, and neck. “You need to rest.” You looked at him with bloodshot eyes.

“Sleep?” you questioned weakly. Levi nodded.

“Yes, sleep.”

“Captain?”

“Yes.”

“Stay here?” You were already dozing off again as Levi helped you lay back down. He smiled slightly and pulled off his jacket, cloak, boots, and straps.

“Of course.” He sat down beside you on the bed. You rested your head against his side as he picked up a book, opening it to where he left off. Before you were completely asleep, you registered one last thing. You could feel Levi press a gentle kiss on the side of your head as he said, “Feel better soon Cadet.”

[whatwoulddracodo]

Fireworks and Roses (Loki x Reader)

Summary: Loki shows you his magic. (Loki POV) Word Count: 900

With a breath he let his magic materialize around him, the green tendrils of light growing and spreading around the room. Loki let his eyes close, enjoying the way his magic made his skin tingle, the hairs on his arm standing on end in pleasurable feeling. He could see and feel everything around him, from the warmth of the bed to the roughness of the floor. He could smell your perfume that sat on the dresser and hear the silent drop of water from the leaky faucet in the bathroom. His magic sharpening all his senses to perfection making him feel more like himself than he had since he arrived in Midgard.

Realizing the suddenness of his act he opened his eyes fearing he may have scared you. To his surprise you weren’t even looking at him. You were kneeling on the bed, your hand outstretched towards his magic with childlike wonder.

He watched you, noting how the green light reflected on your skin and on your eyes, painting them the same color as his. His magic circled you, the tendrils hugging your body without you even noticing. The sight of you illuminated in his color, of his magic gravitating towards you filled him with warmth. Again, you proved just how unpredictable you were, most would cower at his power and yet there you were, as fascinated by it as he was by you.

Without thinking Loki stopped, the tendrils disappearing in a blink. Your head snapped towards him; afraid you had done something bad. He smirked devilishly, making you glower at him.

“If you want to touch you have to ask darling” He purred giving you a wink. Your cheeks went slightly pink, but you didn’t let your face crack into that familiar smile he knew. He wouldn’t admit it but a small part of him wanted to impress you, perhaps it was that thought that had him reaching for you “Give me your hand?” Your eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion, but you complied anyway.

Loki moved so he was sitting in front of you rather than beside you. He took your hand in his and placed them both palms up. He could feel your hand shake slightly but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he looked you in the eye, the normal color now back instead of the green from earlier. Concentrating he let himself project.

He didn’t have to look at your hands to know it was working, your expression was enough. Your eyes went wide, your hand twitching in surprise for a second before you went still. You unconsciously moved yourself forward until your knees touched his, your eyes unmoving as you admired the small fireworks exploding over your hand. He made the small sparks leave the palm of your hand and reach various heights, a myriad of colors and patterns that made you let out soft sounds of surprise. When you met his eyes you wore a big smile, pure joy lighting up your face. Beautiful.

Loki gulped. His mind was wandering, and it was headed in a dangerous direction. Shaking himself slightly he decided it was time to increase the difficulty, the fireworks disappeared. You let out a small groan of discontent but still looked at him expectantly, not removing you hand from his.

“Put both your hands out” he ordered softly. You moved quickly, making him grin from your willfulness to follow his orders. “Put them together but leave the palms hollowed”

You happily did as you were told, putting your hands forward so he’d reach them. He knew he didn’t have to really touch you to do what he wanted but still he wrapped his hands around yours, the warmth from your hands nice against his cooler skin. “This may feel cold” You nodded your head at his warning, your eyes fixed on your hands and a light blush covering your cheeks.

He could hear your slightly quickened breathing as he let his power work. He was hesitant at first, but an idea struck him, and he knew he had to. It could have taken him a second to summon it, but he wanted to do more, he needed to create it. His mind’s eye and his magic working together to bring his idea into existence.

When he was done, he let his hands linger for a moment longer than needed, the way your hands felt so small and delicate with his around them distracting him for a moment. He let his hands fall open and you looked at him in question. He answered the unvoiced plea with a nod. You bit your lip, nodding back before letting your hands open.

Between your palms sat a single golden rose.

“Whoa” you whispered.

It was a small thing, about half the size of your fist, but the size doesn’t matter. It was beautiful, each petal perfectly placed and shaped. He had knitted it all from memory, from the feel to the smell. Every part of it shined with the magic of Asgard, making it look out of place in your small Midgardian home. Yet as Loki looked down at you, he couldn’t help but think that it looked perfect in your hands.

“It’s an Asgardian rose” he felt the need to explain its importance “My mother’s favorite, it was among these roses that she gave me my first magic lesson.”

Your eyes were soft when you looked at him “Loki, it’s beautiful” He could hear the reverence in your voice.

“It’s yours”

“What?” Your eyes widened, voice barely above a whisper “Really?”

“Yes. It won’t wither, so don’t worry.” He smiled softly watching you look back at the rose, your hands gently holding it as if you feared it would disappear.

You smiled, biting your lip and looking back at the flower “I love it”

He couldn’t stop himself as he answered “I will make you a bouquet of them”

You let out a happy sound “I’d like that”

This is an abstract from a piece on AO3: Cold Blood.

[theoreticslut]

The Start of Something New // s.r.

spencer reid x reader

requested: nope! the first of seven (!!!) fics for my 2k writing challenge event!! I used the prompts “weddings” & “did you need something?”

summary: A wedding for a mutual friend might just be the start of something new for you.

word count: 2k

warnings: weddings, fluff

A/N: I LOVED writing this one so much! I’m kind of thinking about writing a second part to it, but i’m not sure yet. I’ve got a handful of other fics I’d rather get out beforehand. But if you want one, definitely let me know! I’d love to write more for spencer and I think it’d be really cute to show the progression of their relationship. Anyways, I hope you like this! & if you’d like to join the challenge, you can join up until this sunday! 

“Oh wow, she looks gorgeous.” You whisper to Penelope, smiling when you catch sight of JJ’s smile.

She looks beyond happy to be marrying Will, and you couldn’t be happier for her. After what she’s been through, she deserves every moment of this.

“She does.” Penelope quietly coos, emotion overtaking her voice as she watches your guys’ friend.

“I can’t wait until your wedding day. I just know it’s going to be perfect.” 

“My wedding day? Penelope, you’re dreaming.” You scoff, laughing at the idea. You couldn’t be any more single if you tried. Between this job and your deep-seated fear of abandonment, you have little ability to hold a relationship.

Sure, you’d love to have someone to come home to and to share yourself with, but the reality is that it’s not going to happen for a while. At least not until you do some serious work on yourself.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, muffin. I see the way you look at our young doctor.” 

“Spencer?! No. You’re delusional now, Garcia.” You whisper-laugh, ignoring the light blush you can feel warming your cheeks.

“Am I though?” She retorts, giving you her knowing look before turning back to your friend as she makes her way down the aisle.

You shake your head, trying to ignore her as you turn your attention back to JJ, but you can’t help yourself from glancing towards Spencer. 

You can’t deny that he’s cute in his own adorable way, but you wouldn’t say you're crushing on him or anything. He may fill your daydreams from time to time, but it doesn’t mean anything more than the fact that you spend a lot of time around him due to work and that you find him nice to look at. 

Putting it out of your mind, you watch as JJ meets Will at the altar, both of them carrying bright smiles filled with love for the other. She really does deserve to be this happy. 

It easily brings tears to your eyes as they say their vows, JJ herself getting watery eyes as Will slides the ring on her finger.

You can’t help but cheer as they’re finally allowed to kiss, both you and Penelope clinging to each other at the cuteness and overwhelming happiness of it all.

“Our girl is married, Penelope.” You sigh, pouting slightly although you couldn’t be happier.

“I know. It’s beautiful.” 

“It really is. God, I’m so emotional right now.” You chuckle, carefully wiping at your watery eyes.

“How are you doing, momma?” Derek asks, his words directed at Penelope as he and Spencer join the two of you, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

“We’re emotional.” She chuckles as she wipes at her eyes as well.

“We can see that.” Derek laughs, squeezing his arm around her, attempting to console her.

“Did you know, biologically the reason you are so emotional right now is due to your parasympathetic system?” Spencer starts, demonstrating his brilliance once again. You’re not complaining, though, as you actually enjoy hearing his random knowledge.

“Psychologically, however, your emotional state could be due to an unconscious perception of helplessness or it could be to show vulnerability, solicit sympathy, advertise trust, or the need for attachment.” 

“Alright, mr. smarty-pants. Ladies in this state just want consolation, yeah?” Derek retorts, drawing a laugh from both you and Penelope.

“We’re fine. It’s just such a happy event.” You chuckle, wiping yet another stray tear from your eye.

“That it is, y/l/n. JJ deserves this.” 

“She does. I’m actually going to go find her and congratulate her. If you’ll excuse me.” You smile, dipping out of the conversation.

~.~

You can’t help but smile as you look over the small crowd, all of them basking in the happiness of the night. 

It’s been a couple hours now and you still can’t believe that one of your best friends is now married to the love of her life. She is definitely one of the lucky ones to have found such a love, and to have such a beautiful kid with him too. You can only hope that you’ll have this one day too.

Thinking about your own special day, you can’t help but recall your earlier conversation with Penelope. Are you really looking at Spencer that differently that others can notice? 

Sure, Penelope seems to be more observant than others, but you must be looking at Spencer differently for her to even consider you liking him, right?

Let’s say that you did like him, it’s not like he feels the same back. You are just coworkers, teammates. Sure, you could be considered friends, but it’s not like you spend much time together outside of the office.

“Are you alright, y/n?” You hear Spencer ask, drawing you out of your thoughts. 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Yeah.” You smile, nodding lightly as you take a sip of the champagne that Rossi brought out for the event. It’s honestly amazing how perfectly he put this together. You don’t think it could be better if anyone else did it.

“Are you sure? It’s just, you seem like you’re pretty distracted over here.”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking about a few things. Nothing important, though.”

He nods lightly, clicking his tongue as he gently rocks back on his feet. You can’t help the little quirk of your lips, entranced by the fluffy-haired boy.

“I’m sorry, did you need something? Or were you just, uhm, checking on me?”

He laughs a bit, looking down at the ground as he attempts to hide a smile. Even now you can’t help but find him adorable. It’s just who he is.

“Sort of. I, uh, I was wondering if you’d like to dance? With me?” He questions, blushing lightly as he watches you for a reaction, finding himself relieved when a soft smile finds its place on your lips.

“I’d love to, Spence.” 

At his smile, you feel your own lips quirking up more. You set your glass down, letting him lead you out to the makeshift dance floor, joining your teammates as they all dance with each other.

You see Penelope give you a smirk and you just roll your eyes, turning your attention to Spencer as he wraps his arm around you.

“You look really nice tonight, by the way.” He smiles as he spins you around to the music.

“Thank you! You look very nice yourself, Spence.” 

At your compliment, you notice him flush, smiling giddily. He doesn’t say anything, however, and you take it as he’s just not sure what to say.

You dance to another song, smiling and laughing occasionally, before Rossi decides to cut in - which you happily let him do as he’s been a father figure for you since you joined the BAU.

“You know, you and Einstein look good together.” He starts, nodding towards Spencer who joined in a dance with Penelope.

“Do we?” You chuckle, smiling as he nods.

“The next wedding I put together better be yours, kid.” 

You can’t help the small laugh that leaves your body as you shake your head. 

“I’ll make sure to inform you whenever that may happen, Rossi. I think you’re good for another few years, though.”

“You better. Now let me show you how to dance, because watching you was an eyesore.” He jokes, earning a boisterous laugh from you as you slap his arm.

~.~

By the end of the night, you’ve spent far more time dancing than your feet would have liked, but you can’t complain. You managed to snag a dance with each of your teammates, including JJ, who couldn’t stop smiling. 

You had indulged on Rossi’s phenomenal cooking, and you even happened to miraculously catch the bouquet - which had earned cheers and more teasing from the girls. 

Now, at nearly 1 am, you were beyond ready to get home and go to bed. You had had a wonderful time, having a bunch of fun with everyone, but you were tired and there was no denying it.

“JJ!” You call, spotting her at the refreshments table grabbing a drink.

“Y/n! Hey, how are you?” 

“Good. How are you, JJ? God, I can’t believe you’re married now. I’m so happy for you, though.” You smile, grabbing a small glass of water for yourself.

“Amazing. This has been so...perfect. I can’t believe Rossi did all of this for us.” She chuckles.

“I know, it’s been such a wonderful night. I think I’m going to head home though, okay? I’ve danced myself out.”

“Oh, absolutely! Get home and get some sleep. I am so glad you were able to spend the night with us and celebrate.” 

“Of course, JJ! I wouldn’t have missed it. You have a good rest of the night, yeah? I’ll see you on Monday.” You beam, pulling her into a hug.

“See you on Monday. Good night, y/n.”

You hug her goodbye before making your way around to the rest of the team. You're wishing Penelope and Derek a good night when Spencer joins the three of you.

“Are you leaving?” He directs to you, noticing how you’re hugging Penelope.

“Yeah, I think so. I’m exhausted. I’ll see you on Monday, alright spence?”

“Wait, I-if you don’t mind, I think I’ll head out with you?” He suggests.

“Oh, sure. I’m just catching a cab, though.” You explain, wanting to make sure he wasn’t planning on just catching a ride with you.

“Perfect, I’ll join you.”

“O-okay . Well, I still need to find hotch and Rossi.” 

“No problem. I’ll see you guys on Monday.” Spencer waves, wishing Derek and Penelope a goodnight.

“You too, pretty boy. Behave on the ride home, yeah?” Derek smirks, winking at the two of you.

You silently groan, rolling your eyes as Penelope smacks his arm but is laughing along with him.

Spencer nods awkwardly, looking more than confused, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he follows along behind you as you make your way through the small crowd to find hotch or Rossi.

“Spencer. Y/n. Are you heading out?” You hear hotch ask as you’re still trying to weave through the few guests still celebrating.

Pausing, you turn to find hotch and his guest - beth - smiling happily.

“Hotch. Yeah, We were actually trying to find you to say goodbye.” You smile, looking between him and Beth as she holds onto his arm gently.

“Ah, well I’ll see you both on Monday then. I’m glad you’ve stayed awhile.” He smiles, nodding politely at the both of you.

“Me too. It’s been wonderful, especially seeing JJ so happy. Rossi really did a wonderful job.” 

“He certainly knows how to throw a celebration together. Have a good night, both of you.”

“You too, hotch. Beth, it’s been wonderful to meet you.” You smile, nodding politely as Spencer says his goodbyes.

You eventually find Rossi, wishing him a goodnight and talking for a few moments while Spencer finds Emily and JJ. Within a few minutes, though, you’re both making your way down Rossi’s driveway, laughing lightly as you stumble in your heels.

“Do you want to take those off?” Spencer questions, steadying you as you stumble a little more.

“When I get home. A cab should be here soon, Rossi called one for us.”

“Sounds good. Thank you for letting me catch a ride with you.”

“Anytime, Spence. Having you come with actually makes me feel safer taking a cab this late at night.”

“I’m glad?” He chuckles, not really sure what to say to that. 

“You really do look nice tonight, y/n.” He compliments after a moment.

“Thank you. I don’t get to dress up often, but it’s kind of fun.” 

“You’re good at it.” He mumbles, but you hear him, a shy smile finding its way onto your face. 

All this time you thought that he couldn’t possibly like you as anything more than a friend, but here he is saying things like this. You can’t help but wonder if maybe he does like you.

As the cab pulls up, however, and he opens the door for you, helping you in before getting in himself, you don’t mind finding out if there is a possibility that you could be walking down the aisle soon enough. You especially don’t mind as he carefully interlinks your hands in the middle of the backseat, after motioning for you to rest your head on his shoulder upon seeing you yawn.

Maybe, just maybe, the rest of the team knows what they’re seeing between the two of you that you had failed to notice before now.

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General - @jillys-feral-fandoms @your-hispanichufflepuff @yikesyikesyikes95 @livvysnaps @i-love-scott-mccall

Spencer - @stoopidwithtwohoes @harrysboo28 @roonilwazlibswhore @justfangirlingoverhere