#but its about oncology of all thing like im not interested about it at all 💀

[collecting--stardust]

Can't fucking believe that I just spend hours researching about palliative care and lung cancer for a fic when I don't even do it when I'm learning about it last semester 💀

[bitchy-peachy]

A little bit of my room at the physical therapy oncology room I was given. I won't take more pics yet cos I don't have permission and don't wanna overstep (but if the doc says its okay Im giving a tour for those interested in seeing a physical therapy hospital for cancer patients.)

All of the therapists are oncologists too which also impressed me. Like i talked to the head doctor that convinced me to come here and they're both physical therapists and oncologists that started the special physical therapy spa for people that have been paralyzed etc from bone cancers/tumors. Im exactly where I should be.)

So far my room is HUGE that I can easily use a wheelchair and walker without knocking into anything.

Bathroom is also huge so its a lot easier for me to do everything. I'm by myself and there's like 7 other patients so I took the risk and put stuff in the bathroom to have my hygiene products more accessible (although I don't mind sharing my stuff as long as I'm asked first tbh. If I get a roomie or anything. I helped my last roomie out so it was all good)

The only downside... is the food 😭. I think it's my diet though. I have pre diabetes cos when I was on steroids I was craving very sweet things so I was eating butterfingers, chocolate covered raisens AND nuts, bonbons, lollipops, tons of cookies well... I messed myself up that I gave myself pre-diabetes (be careful, you guys. I can't believe it was THAT easy to give myself pre-diabetes. Watch your health so you won't end with a shitty diet like me 😭)

I know they're trying to stabilize my blood sugar so I won't get full on diabetes (cos it can be stabilized. My aunt and grandpa were stabilized and are back to normal again)

But a flavorless, high fiber diet is really ugh. I'll have to suffer through it cos they know what's best and they're basing my diet on my blood work (they check EVERYTHING here. Glad I went to this hospital rather than the local one in my town. The hospital in my hometown is nowhere near this attentive to every detail and plus the social worker in my town hospital sympathized with and sneakily told me to come this hospital cos of its success rate. Heck a number of the staff are survivors themselves so I know there's a high success rate (and they call regularly to check on you so they keep track of you even if you're not hospitalized)

Anyways I waxed poetic enough. I will force myself to eat the bland food cos these people literally have helped me stand up and walk again and have shrunken most of my tumors and I'm so grateful for that although I really hated the steroids, some hold ups, i was ornery. I hate being that way but now after 2 weeks of being off the steroids and stabilizing I feel like such an epic bitch cos I was complaining for stuff that couldn't be helped.

I tend to be a looooooot more patient and laid back than that moody bitch I was displaying.

I worked for years in childcare. I got paid a lot for it too and while I was college I even had a waiting list cos some of the problematic kids only got along with me (I was good dealing with unruly hyperactive ones. Some kids i couldn't handle however, *cough* my younger brother *cough* cos i wasnt an absolute miracle worker but you get the point. By the times their parents picked them up the kids would be well fed and tired cos I wouldn't let up on entertaining them in physical activities like sports etc. Best thing for these kids is exhausting them with activities they like 🤣.

I know I rambled but what I'm saying is that these kids were children others didn't want to take on cos it would take A LOT of patience to deal with their attitudes and high energy levels and I was able to handle them and not get mad (probably cos I used to be an "unruly kid" myself and I know we can change and know what we needed to simmer down)

Those steroids... I know that I bitch a lot about them... I wasnt me AT ALL with those demonic pills. This IMPATIENCE, lack of comprehension skills, like my brain and temperament switched. I mean I'm sassy by nature (to other adults) but this went BEYOND that.

So if you're taking these types of meds... and you see those changes, don't worry cos that's not you and you know it. Once you're outta it you'll realize that. I'm actually terrified now that my mind has cleared and I apologized to some people but they said they've seen it happen to most saintly of people to not be upset (which makes me feel worse 😔)

Anyways dang i talked too much ahahahaha. Wanted to give a big update about this nice new location to help me out (still impressed. Glad i let the head doctor convince me to enter the program, lol) and I'm feeling like my old self every day little by little finally.

[pencileraser1]

i tried to reblog this in the tags bc you both brought up good points but tumblr shuffled all my tags around and i wanted to say more so here???????????? it is i guess

desire mona tags:

#OUGH!!! was hoping youd add onto this u spearheaded the neils mom thoughts in my mind#depression is actually very commom with 50s housewives or housewives in general just due to to nature of their work paired with a lack of ac#knowledgement#so that makes sense#and it being treatment resistant would explain why it persists even after she doesnt need to perform any motherly duties while neils at scho#ol#aaaaaand passing that onto neil#but considering the way mental health was treated back then im sure it wouldnt be used as a BECOME A DOCTOR thing but it could#i was thinking more physical health like cancer or smthn similar#oncology? james?#oncology james

i'd kind of been interpreting it as depression cause then neil inheriting that would possibly be a thing. (hysteria was only discredited fully as a diagnosis in the 80's if i'm correct also, and i don't think depression on it's own was considered to be hysteria but still, i doubt mrs. perry being depressed would be taken seriously) but depression + something else Also makes a lot of sense. could go either way with this!!!

good merits accumulated tags:

#but i think there was a short discussion a while ago about how neil's dad is a little anxious financially?#and as they don't seem to be anything less than well off. it might be posited that the anxiety is class-focused#they're upper class but are they upper class enough for welton THE rich boy school. etc#in that frame neil becoming a doctor becomes another way for the family to gain some status#while also being kind of the 'best' job he's ever going to be able to do#like realistically he's never going to be able to break into those upper business echelons the way that many welton alumni#will be able to do#(because nepotism etc. etc.)#so medicine is his best shot#dead poets society#it's half 7 so if this doesn't make sense. blame it on the clock

ok so this is like. something i'm extremely interested in for some reason sorry if this is a lot.

side tangent first: i think neil being pressured to be a lawyer instead could hypothetically sort of make sense?? bc while it's probably easier with nepotism, it likely wouldn't be impossible. doctor does make a bit more sense though, although i think there's probably several other reasons Why doctor other than financial reasons and how possible it would be for neil.

neil definitely isn't welton level upper class. there's a few things, "we aren't a rich family like charlies," but also the deleted extracurriculars scene. knox gets asked about a new house his family is moving into, cameron (and charlie in the script) gets asked how his father is. knox is in the "sons of alumni" club, charlie, cameron and todd are all in the service club, neil is in neither. the service club is nothing definitive, however because welton is Welton i kind of suspect that most of the service that is done depends on the student's families being able to give money to the school. i've always sort of theorized that neil was on a partial scholarship. it would make sense for him specifically given that he is one of welton's top students, this line from the script has been stuck in my brain since i read it, "NEIL PERRY stands. Whereas some boys have two or three achievement pins an the lapels of their coats, Neil has a huge cluster of them on the pocket of his jacket." plus him being set to go to harvard, (at the point when the movie is set i don't think he could know for sure but given everything about him his chances are probably pretty good) even though the majority of welton students go to the ivy leagues, this is still pretty important to welton. welton depends on its students being successful out of school, thats how they continue to get students. so giving neil a partial scholarship, who is near guaranteed to be extremely successful as an adult (at least they assume so) would be a smart decision on their behalf cause after he graduates they can then use neil to convince more people to enroll their students.

Anderperry fans hyper-analyse ever micropixel in dead poets society by watching it 12 times a day then try to find a reason why there is no happiness in their lives.

'Comfort movie' what comfort?

[miekasa]

feeling semi-called out because i wear my name tag on one of the pockets of my scrub top, like that's my waist not crotch but i'd probably get a side eye 😭😭 i have so many things and thoughts about the scouts in a hospital au, and omg all your posts about it is bringing it out!! hange in ortho taking in eren too. yes. hange amd all those tools especially the drill LMAO it's perfect. eren is scared at first, but he's also hammering and drilling away in no time. jean in pedia looking like he's holding a football as he holds the little babies 😭 levi being the unexpectedly fair and kind dude from neuro is a fave!! him in oncology is also very special to me tho, like it could be surgical or medical oncology, but he would be so good at both and his juniors would do a double take at how he isn't charming per se, but he has such a way with patients!!!!!! mikasa the smartest girl, endocrinology plus a masters in clinical genetics 🥰 connie in a nonpatient department 😭 i can see it, he is a disaster but an expert at reading those images!! sasha his partner down in pathology or smth, always gets reprimanded for having food out but no one smells out cancer in those specimens like her!!

also...imagine the reverse too, roommate au with levi, but this time he's the one in healthcare and you get to watch him strip at the door after work because of the pancetta. heh. lemme dote on (and bark at) you 🥰🥰

bye i finally had time to go on tumblr and this spilled out, im sorry 😭😭 -💉

Hange as Eren’s attending just makes SENSE!! Eren is hesitant (isn’t he supposed to fix things); but also because a part of him feels like he’s a disappointment for not taking interest in/being gifted at cardio (daddy issues galore). But Hange brings out the best in him, encourages him to use all that feistiness and personality to the best of his ability, and that being a doctor isn’t just about being technical and intelligent on paper; there’s real life application, and personality is a big deal! Honestly, if it weren’t for Hange, Eren might have honestly considered something else, even if he was this far along. They’re the best pair. The loudest too, with the most provocative music taste in the OR, but still the best.

Jean in pediatrics is so near and dear to me. You know he loves the babies so much he’s scared shitless about dropping them that’s why he look so awkward holding them at first. It just takes some practice tho, and soon he’s a pro. It’s kinda... sexy to see how good he is with children, and how easily he can calm a crying infant, and explain complex things to a toddler. He’s such a dream. He knows the white coat thing is a bit pretentious too, but damn if he doesn’t look good in it. 

Levi in neuro... it’s just so GOOD. Of course he of all people would handle the brain and all its complexities, and handle it well. Not only is he a dedicated surgeon, but he’s done his fair share of research, his contributions are crazy, even if they’re (literally) microscopic analyses. He’s pretty decorated, but he never flexes it. When his residents find out they kinda freak, “What the hell is he doing mentoring us?? I’m pretty sure this guy is gonna have a newly discovered brain activity/region named after him in 5 years at least. He’s published in Nature. THRICE.” All that, and he’s good with patients, too, it’s unfair. He’s not peppy or “nice,” to them, but he’s gentle; he’s got that charm about him that doesn’t bullshit, but doesn’t fear monger, and is careful to explain things in layman’s terms so his patients fully understand what’s going on. And when his patients are children? God. Godddd. 

Mikasa best girl, Levi is/was her attending, at least for a period of time, and he never said it but she was his favorite. She’s smart, competent, flexible, and doesn’t have an ego about it. Truly, a blessing. She still/frequently goes to him for advice, and she’s the only resident to ever enter Levi’s office for a non-offense. Just to talk... maybe even have lunch and talk shit about Eren and Hange’s playlist. Mikasa wants to bitch about a difficult patient, and Levi reminds her about HIPAA violations... but gossips (without names) nonetheless. 

So right about Connie in a non-patient department PLEASE. To think Connie considered EMS at first and swiftly shut that idea down when he saw a real life broken bone protruding through skin for the first time, he was SICK LMFAOOO. The bone part was cool to him tho, so radiology turned out to be a great alternative; that way he doesn’t have to see and blood or severed skin, so problem solved! It’s easy to think he’s a slacker or a dunce, but give him labs or imaging to analyze and he’s got it done with ease and accuracy. 

Sasha as a nurse is precious, but I can totally see her in pathology. She literally studies disease for a living/interacts with people with these diseases and other illnesses and is still like, “Can’t believe the human immune system was caught slipping like this. Embarrassiiiiiiiing. Simply be vaccinated.” The rage she feels when she hears about parents not vaccinating their children... Sasha’s usually pretty cheery and always finds fun and hope in her work, but that’s one thing that’ll set her off. 

The reverse roommates au!!! I see the vision!!! Also might I offer: they both work in healthcare, maybe at different hospitals, but kind of on opposite shifts (Levi in the morning, OC in the afternoon/night), all to come home and shit talk their respective hospital boards and healthcare systems. Mutual understanding of their situation and finding time to dote on the other even tho they’re barely holding it together themselves. Peak romance

[zelkam]

hey so you did like biomedicine at uni right? would you mind like talking about what you did and like what it was like/what you enjoyed because im having 2nd thoughts about what I'm doing at the moment and I was thinking about doing something similar

Hi there!! Sorry about replying late, some things got in the way – but here we go now. 

As I mentioned, I got excited that I get to talk about this stuff here, because honestly I loved every moment of my studies, so this is gonna get long. But I also want to include everything that I would want somebody to tell me if I were in your place. 

So the rest is going under the cut so as not to bore everyone else!

First of all - I think it's awesome that you're considering it - STEM is life.

Though I should probably start off with saying that a lot of what I got to do was heavily influenced by the format that my university handles its Biomedical Sciences course. Here biomed is kind of an experimental project - it opened a year before I started and the idea was to recruit only 30 people each year and hard-focus on them, instead of mass-producing students. All lecturers pretty much knew me as me and not as yet another student no. 44838 and because of that I was able to get a lot out of it. We were all included in actual research work very early on - usually from the 2nd year up everyone was doing something in some lab after lectures. I don't know how the university that you might be interested in handles the course design and if the labs are willing to include students in their regular work aside from teaching, so the approach and opportunities might be different. 

But I think the general plan of what the regular courses cover is probably similar anyways.

Also, that being said, honestly I’ve learned the most by doing the extra work - at some point during my Master's the lectures were actually getting in the way. I got most of my experience when I joined an actual research team - at first I was obviously supervised with everything, but with time I gained the trust and could enter the lab anytime and just plan and do my work as if I was a staff member. So I kind of got to do way more than most other students were doing - but like, it’s possible if you’re determined enough. 

Okay but enough with disclaimers - about the actual biomedicine course:

The general idea is to make a scientist out of you - you have medical knowledge, practical skills, and a kind of “scientific” mindset by the time you have a degree in your hand. 

There are several paths that you can take after, with the main three being: staying in academia, going into biotech industry or going into clinical trials. Each path has its pros and cons - academia is fun and creative, but also an emotional rollercoaster and you usually switch workplace every 4-5 years, meanwhile clinical trials are more stable and paperwork-based and the money is great, but it’s pretty much office work. It depends on what are your career priorities. Personally I love research (and tormenting myself) so I’m staying in academia to do a PhD (actually I’m looking for the right lab literally right now, which is really A Trip)

So there are several types of courses that you would take:

First you get a foundation of medical knowledge, so you have courses pretty much the same as med students - anatomy, physiology, pathology, pharmacology, microbiology, oncology etc. but with more focus on the molecular/genetic/developmental side of things. A lot of molecular and developmental biology, stem cells and so on. While med students focus on how to treat a patient that is already in the hospital, biomed people focus more of the underlying basis of diseases - what went wrong in the first place and how to fix it - was it a novel mutation, some signaling pathway gone wrong etc.

You also have  a lot of labs – in biochemistry, [non-]organic chemistry, immunology, molecular biology, embryology etc where you get to become familiar with all the techniques used in science. They’re always super fun because you get to do something with your hands.

You also have courses that are focused on conducting research. So you learn about clinical and pre-clinical trials: how they are designed, conducted, controlled etc. 

You might also get official training and get certified to work in clinical trials, because there are papers that you'd need for that – depends on the uni. 

Then you also learn how to analyze and write research papers, how to present your work at conferences (after 5 years you basically get rid of your fear of public speaking lmao) and so on. 

Also a lot of stuff focuses on animal research - a lot of universities include animal studies training as part of the biomed course and you might be getting certified in this - at least that’s what I had. And I've been working with animal models since - mice and zebrafish, and a little bit with chicken embryos, with my main being the fish because that's what my supervisor works with.

What I actually love here is that once you go through everything, you can choose what is the most interesting to you and focus on that – so you do what you like and it starts to feel less like studying/working and more like a hobby. There are so many branches of research and at some point something catches your interest more. For example, I love molecular and developmental biology, meanwhile my friend is all about the brain stuff – and we would suffer if we had to switch. Something different for everyone!

You’d get to choose your first direction as part of your Bachelor project – basically you pick a lab that does something that interests you, do a small project there and write your thesis on it. It’s a nice opportunity to check if this is something that you’d like doing in the future for real. Then you’d do pretty much the same on your Master’s, but on a more advanced level. 

But it’s also not definite – I personally jumped between like 3 different labs until I found the right one for me.

You also get opportunities to go international – there are a lot of exchange programs that would send you for a few months abroad, either to study or to work in a lab. I don’t know where you’re from so I don’t know what is possible for you, but for example last summer I ended up in Belgium to work as an intern in a research lab. Science is very internationalized in general – you work with people all over the world and you get to travel a lot between different labs!

From what I did personally:

When I first started off I went into Immunology and Hematooncology – so immune stuff and blood cancers. I did my Bachelor’s on that, in which I got DNA samples from patients and checked if they have a mutation of a certain gene and if that somehow influenced their blood morphology parameters.

Then I switched to Molecular Biology because this is the most interesting to me – specifically the molecular side of skeletal development. I joined my current research team and worked there for a few years alongside PhD students, working on several projects – with a part of it being my Master’s. My stuff focused mostly on the regulatory elements responsible for activating genes involved in the formation of joints. For example, if you’d get a mutation of a gene that I was working with, your arm would be just one long bone instead of having 3 segments. I was mostly using molecular cloning, cell cultures and zebrafish in my research, which are all hella cool. Here you have my little fish dudes:

Cute, right? 💚 

Pros:

Flexibility – you get to try out everything and pick what you like the most. Biomed doesn’t really give you a specific profession, you can use your degree in a lot of different career paths. 

It’s extremely cool – this is the stuff that you’d end up reading about for fun, so studying is actually pleasant in a lot of cases

A lot of practical classes and opportunities, in which you get to do experiments on your own!

Cons:

It’s not an easy-breezy degree - there is A Lot of studying! Medicine is very complex, although I would say that it’s not as memory-based as medical students have -  you usually don’t have to remember drug dosages etc, it’s more about remembering “this molecule goes wrong so these tissues are affected by this so this organ fails so this disease happens” – the chain reaction stuff and connecting a lot of dots.

For some people the “flexibility” part is actually a con, because it doesn’t give you a clear career path – it’s all about what you make out of it, and it can sometimes be daunting 😅

But if you asked me in a tl;dr way – I recommend it with all my heart!! If I could do those 5 years again - I definitely would! If you have some specific questions - let me know!

[burnedbyshoto]

i saw the ask where you mentioned that you plan on going to med school. im a freshman taking up occupational therapy, which was supposed to be my pre-med but now i cant even see myself going to med school since things are so taxing and the workload is so heavy sometimes :( i guess im just wondering how youre still so sure that you still want to go into med school? like an advice or smth? but if u dont want to answer its okay! i love your works btw and dont mind if you reblog or repost them a lot

so to be very honest I was sorta late to the entire pre-need thing. I went to a very academically vigorous and challenging high school where everyone truly succeeded. through this I had wanted for a long time to be a oncology researcher. I strove for so long to be the one who cured cancer.

and, because of my high schools connections and reputation, I was able to go work at the esteemed USC’s hospitals to be a research intern over a summer. it was exactly what I wanted, but not quite what I expected. I enjoyed the hands on activities and excelled at all the physical aspects of research, but when it came down to the nitty gritty I quickly realized that I wasn’t as creative as I thought I was (I was able to create my own strain of treatments to use on a cluster of cancer cells I had cultured and was absolutely stumped).

but because my amazing mentor was very adamant in making sure I got to experience everything that went on in a research hospital I was also allowed to shadow doctors during their clinical runs and even watched a surgery. it was at that point when I realized I wanted to be a doctor and not a researcher. I finished up high school two years ago and so far due to my luck of having my mentor and my high schools connections I was able to see from early on that’s what I wanted.

taxing schedules and heavy loads are everywhere. truly, they are. one of my best friends is a music major and she takes about 30 classes a semester to get only 10 credits. i’m a stem major and take 4 classes to get 18 credits. in reality she has a heavy and taxing schedule, and so do I. it’s all about perspective.

is it something you want? or is it something that’s been pressured on you.

the drive to be a doctor to me is also about self sacrifice and well, i’m pretty good at that! i’m also smart, enjoy having power, solving puzzles, and above else I love helping people get better. to me now, being a doctor is a clear and obvious choice. but you’re also young!!!! i’m young too!!!

we have time to figure it out!!! if it’s something that still interests you, get the premed requirements out of the way and figure out if it’s something you want by the time you graduate.

I hope this helps LOL

[lunnonbridges]

2019

saw Rachels tumblr post wrapping up her 2019 so ima do the same thing lol ty for the inspiration rachel <3

2019 was wild had some amazing highs and some devastating lows but i mean that happens every year lol.

school: completed my favorite clinical ever in the ED wow i could go on forever about it because i enjoyed it so much and i learned so much and wow ED nursing is amazing and so crucial i can’t wait to work in the ED again in a few years (hopefully) overall i enjoyed school surprisingly i love nursing and i can’t wait to finally use my BSN, RN in action in a few months. i!! am!! a!! college!! graduate!!! passed NCLEX too thank god (no real lows in the school department actually)

work: got to put my RN license in action working as a flu nurse haha i thought it was gonna be more intense but it was actually pretty chill just giving shots lol im not afraid of giving shots at all now because i did it literally for a job lol. got hired to be an oncology nurse at swedish which was nice :) the not nice thing was having my license delayed though which means now i am not working as a nurse T_T but i mean at least i still have the job--just got delayed but nothing to beat myself up over it. glad i found a full time babysitting job to fill the void in the meantime though :) winston is a very cute baby and i love him a lot and i am excited to see him again ahah hes such a darling and pay is enough for me to pay rent and some but rip savings haha

family: feels kinda the same? i’ve always been decently close with my immediate family i guess but going to the wedding and seeing everyone for the first time in a while was weird--i am def the most liberal and like out there out of the entire family i would say like what i believe in and what i hold important etc but i mean thats also not a bad thing--they focus too much on religion and like conservative ways in my opinion and i am too scared to talk about that stuff with extended family lol bc they are so stuck in their ways and i dont want more lectures lol i dont go to church in seattle but i go to church when i am home lol all convos at home become church related somehow and i hate it honestly...i don’t want religion shoved down my throat anymore please!!!!!! it is so suffocating

fitness/body image: started gyming a lot this past summer and continued it until december loll bc i got busy with life but i gained a lot of muscle mass and started feeling good about how i looked for the first time ever really (so sad i know) gained some weight too but that’s ok bc muscle mass. hopefully i can go back to the gym in january so i can work on getting slim thiccc lol i’m such a twig. i am not worrying too much about weight anymore because it is just a number! but i do relapse sometimes and worry too much over how i look--it is a work in progress

friendship: for the most part good or actually honestly all good because the only friend i feel like i kinda lost is Jason? but i mean hes off doing his own thing with his own friends and SO so its ok. if he’s happy im happy for him! maintained friendships with everyone i was close with before and even caught up with some old friends like alice, esther, rowena and i even met up with priyanka once although she never hits me up anymore lol i tried ok she is a busy person. got pretty close with like albert and will especially the past few months and everyone else really through talking to them about my struggles and issues and i know they all care about me truly <3 i love my friends and i am very grateful for the bunch of them. still close to michael and michelle! and i became close to michelle kang thanks to rachel <3 hehe i love rachel she keeps it real for me and is there for me regardless i love living with her and being with her and she just gets me ya know? ily lots rachel wifey <3

relationships: wow where do i even begin....life was going well with jason and then it just went downhill and i am writing this post as single as i can possibly be HAHA we broke up in sept after 3 years but no hard feelings right? hes with someone else and i am content/over him for sure---i was losing feelings which is one reason why i called it off lol but ya he taught me alot but at the same time a lot of people don’t think he was the best for me lol...they all tell me i could do better/glad i am not with him so interesting to hear this now tbh we had some issues and they couldn’t be resolved properly...hope he isn’t mad at me or anything idk....i can say confidently that i am over him 10000000% and i won’t look back. downloaded dating apps in seattle lol and i got wrecked for 2019 HAHA met a really nice guy and hit it off well and i was really liking him but ya tldr did couple-y things and were even exclusive just to have it called off bc there was no attraction and surprisingly i’m not mad at all even now! it hurt the first few days but im over it now. thank you next! (if youre reading this please know this is true and i do want to be friends and this time apart with me being in the bay has helped a lot--took my mind off of a lot of things lol i just want whats best for you!) i know hes looked at my tumblr before lol thats how close we were imo since only a select handful know of this page... he was the first guy i was amazed at for his maturity and levelheadedness actually so kudos to him! not many guys are like him so hopefully the next is just as mature lol i am talking to some guys super casually tho but ya i gotta just focus on myself and friends/fam instead of boys lmao...i am extremely afraid of being vulnerable and opening up and even truly liking someone again because they always leave and i always get hurt and broken lol hopefully i learned my lesson this time haha boys are scary and i have 0 expectations anymore ha ha ha! im open to dating not too sure about being tied down though idk if the right boy comes along so be it!  i dont want to come off as like dependent and insecure and always needing a boy with me for validation--i dont want to jump from 1 boy to another boy so fast bc my heart needs time to heal and recover lol i am baby heh 

this is a very long post so ima write my 2020 goals on a different post aha overall 2019 sucked kinda but also didn't suck lol hopefully 2020 is better haha