#but it's not a hard no maybe I manage to get gutsy enough in the future who knows

[canisalbus]

Have you considered selling merch? Some stickers pins or patches of the boys would go hard

.

[thatdarlingdeviant]

Things that are now, or were from the start,

Just for me to know

Feb '23:

Started training for that peer pressure event

Kinda really thought I'd manage to reach the goal by Oct (with your (professional) help too!)

It feels just as terrible as I thought

Jul '23:

Chatted up this super pretty girl, who is a admirable writer and (overly) confident person

She's your type, she's my type, this is hot, it's gonna be fun scening and maybe having sex

I am not too confident about my looks but sth possessed me to still try

Aug '23:

Starting to feel really anxious about my progress

It's not enough improvement, it still feels awful; in fact I think it just felt progressively worse, bodily and mentally

On the other front we have made plans with the pretty girl

I felt very excited, which is not a typical state of mind and not one I had in the last, year

And since I thought things weren't progressing in the flirting, general sexual anticipation kinda way with you two, I shared a tiny tidbit of fantasy/wishes

You did not react at all (besides thanking me later for being so gutsy (wtaf))

She did with a few analyzing comments

None of your shared anything in return up until now (Mar '24)

That was definitely one of the most shameful experiences ever, and I won't do it again

Sep '23

The pretty girl comes to visit

It's a very different experience than what I hoped for.

It's not bad for me and the two of you clearly enjoy it a lot, so I leave it

There is a lot more mushy talk in the aftermath than I am comfortable with

But you seem to be fine with it and also give me the feeling you are only indulging her

Oct '23:

peer pressure event was the anticipated catastrophe

No goal reached

Wow, new level of shame lmao, collecting them like Pokemon

I still don’t know what I did wrong, I tried to adhere to plans religiously

I feel paralyzed and don't do anything for a month

Nov '23:

After you pressing and poking (at least about the exercise part)I started the whole weightloss+getting fit shtick again

Made up some bullshit goals. Couldn’t very well tell you the only real goal is for you to be satisfied with my looks and abilities

It feels just as awful as I remember

But every smart person, scientist, trainer I research for advise tells me just to stick with it, it will get better, I will feel awesome, it will become a habit, yadda, yadda, yadda

Dec '23

It doesn't get better

I try to talk to you but I don't wanna be annoying, I can feel you already getting fed up with me not feeling better and my honest assessment and inability of exercises

There is some progress at least? You seem chuffed about it, that's good, I like pleasing you and not wasting your efforts is important

I am scared of taking a break

Jan '24

Nothing gets better, I feel tired, sad, frustrated, fat and ugly working out, before and after

It consumes my whole life, almost all of my free time is invested in exercising and making sure the dieting is up to standard too

When I have time I am too exhausted to do any of the things I like (or feel bad because I clearly didn’t train hard enough if I have energy left)

The pretty girl and you push for a second meeting really strongly, I don't want to but I don't wanna be a killjoy

Sex is the absolute last thing on my mind and I am so fucking tired all the time.

But I can feel you getting impatient with me, so I make an effort in that department too

Feb '24

We are on vacation and all I feel is stressed,

about not being able to track calories, exercise per plan, meeting the pretty girl

I've had food that I really, really liked! Not feeling faint and all was kinda good too. But it didn’t weigh off against the guilt I felt after eating

(I have not one day of rest mentally and I am really worried about work performance. I am just so tired)

The meeting with pretty girl is around the corner and I accidentally (trying to watch a motogp team intro stream) come across your private chat with her

You told me that she sometimes asks for military explanations and you designed that shirt together but else you don’t chat

What a lie,

there's hundreds of messages exchanged deep into the night, a lot while we are on vacation and your interest in me was not that strong at all

I feel betrayed, but, I mean, I can understand you, I guess?

She is pretty, kind, warm, obviously head over heels for you and hot

I do not scroll further than a few days back, let it be, don't mention it

I mean, you've already lied to me about it to my face without me asking so I don't see this going well

We meet the pretty girl as planned

It is, again, way different than what I hoped for but you two seem to really like it even more than last time

And I try to do everything to make you feel comfortable and give you a good experience

After we are back, you are essentially out of the house for 3 weeks straight with one little break

I feel awful, fat, ugly, incapable (in general but especially in comparison to her)

The training has changed and I am too dumb to get the new exercises, (and I feel so weak and cold) but I now know that I stand to lose you so I double down on being super pleasant, never complain, don't force you to invest more time in me

I hurt pretty bad nowadays, I didn't have one pain free day since we started this regime, and I think it's getting worse? Might just imagine things though, weak

I think about your private chat with pretty girl 24/7 and wonder if there's sth new there, I eventually go look

and read,

back until the beginning

I haven't cried like that since my first heartbreak, lmao I was always so sure I wouldn't ever again, not with you

But alas

I got an even more detailed to do list now at least and I am so very sorry I didn't give you what you so desperately wanted before. I can work harder! I'm gonna work so hard!

Be cuddly and sweet

More compliments

Stay up later, be more available

More blowjobs and anal and everything you like

Be pleasant and easy

Be thin

Be funny, hot and pretty (yeah...I wish I could just work on that too haha)

Be less sensitive bodywise, learn to take more and not show when it hurts

I have a plan and I will try so hard, really, I'll try everything and be content

But I am stretched so fucking thin, I say some tiny thing, not like obvious, don't lay my cards on the table, just a rational little push to not write privately with pretty girl, I make it plausible, I am a terrific actor and you don’t suspect anything and agree, very understanding and sympathetic, liar

(It holds a few days)

I lost some weight since the start of this all in Nov. I can't see a lot of it, but the scale doesn't lie, so success, I guess. I can feel how different people treat me already. How different you treat me. How much more you enjoy to touch and feel me being smaller. A little better, a little closer to her. What a suckerpunch.

I feel really bad bodywise too. Super empty. Nauseous, dizzy, weak, cold. Just gotta keep pushing though, be good. I still don’t feel like I have the slightest idea what I'm doing with the new exercises

Mar '24

We are back at pretty girl pushing for a new meet up. I think I show first class acting skills again

It's in less than a month, I am so sick but you want to and I will be pleasant

You let me know you want anal. Which is good! We agreed on this kind of commucation and I can chicken out obviously. But I don't want to, I am going to be so good for you. (I just desperately hope my body can take it, and I don't pass out or sth)

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - The Plan

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

I slept like crap last night.

Maybe I was too tired, maybe some planet was in retrograde or there was some sort of weather front moving through or maybe I was simply missing Emmett.

I had no distractions when I woke up and managed to find the hotel Megan had booked for us with almost half an hour to spare.

Once everyone was seated around the cheap wood-laminate conference table... I laid it all out for them.

I told them the truth, that Walker Industry's official position was that the factory would not reopen in Baltimore. 

They are understandably disappointed.

Then I tell them my plan.

My audacious, backhanded, brilliant plan. 

That I have every intention of going to the Department of Defense tonight and securing not only a multi-million dollar contract but also an advance large enough to fund the rebuilding of the factory so that we won't have to wait for the insurance money.

I understand their hesitation and lack of enthusiasm.. it seems impossible even to me but I have, never-ever, failed at anything I've truly set my mind to.

I tell them that this sort of gutsy risk-taking is what helped my grandfather make Walker Industries what it is today.

I ask them to give me until close of business on Monday before they start job hunting, to have a little faith and more importantly, be on call for anything and everything I could possibly need for the next few days.

I will need my accountants to work all afternoon and find out exactly how much money I need upfront to rebuild.

I need my lawyers to be available if I need to call them from the meeting tonight and then of course to review the contract once it arrives.

I need HR to take care of my people as well as they possibly with almost no money and come up with options for my skilled workers during the months it takes to rebuild.

I need IT to make sure they have the computers and networks to do that with.

We make an outline and plan of attack together.

Everything rides on my meeting this evening.

People offer to come with me but I turn them down.

This entire enterprise will ride or die on my ability to sell the name that is Walker Industries.

I have to convince lifelong defense officials that I can take a burnt down factory and manage to come in on time and cheaper than anyone else.

Men forty years my senior will see a child.

I have to remove their doubt and there's only one way to do that... I have to convince them that I'm a Walker.

By the time I leave at 6:45 p.m. I'm emotionally and mentally drained.

All I have to show for my work is a list of jobs currently accepting bids.

They've encouraged me to apply for two that are closing on Monday.

I told them they'd have the paperwork by noon on Monday.

It's going to be a very, very long weekend.

My apartment is dark when I get home. 

I order pizza but it's not nearly as good as Emmett's and then it's a long night of sitting on my hard couch and trying to get some work done...  The first of many.

[symbioteburnout]

Pirate:

      “ Hold on.” Rose gives Andi a confused grin as her one baby blue eye looks over to her searching. “ You both don’t & do care about your secret identity?” That was.. gutsy. At least how Rose saw it. A lot of heroes didn’t want to give that part up. At least the thieves might not know the difference, but they’d know someone in a suit beat them up & during trail her turning them in would be noticed. She never really had a choice in the matter, bushlegers knew who she was. With or without the mask. So did the heroes. Hell even the government knew who she was. Some of them were aware just how many weapons she carries because they’ve seen her disarm.

      A light amused snort slips out at that, her only baby blue eye brightening with amusement for a few seconds. “ Do you enjoy playing dirty?” She’s not judging, if anything she loves that angle.

      Rose lifts a hand, using a finger to indicate the cameras she spotted, her nose crinkling as she speaks as if she’s about to give an important secret. “ Should I not mention I could fix it?”

      “ Betting on your luck holding out? ” Was Andi’s coach as quick on the uptake as some of the batfamily? Or even some of the Teen Titans? Some of them could sniff out a crime with ease if you weren’t careful enough. They’d just know what she’d been up to if she wasn’t careful. If they didn’t pick up on it one of her family would. Her brothers. Searchers.

      “ It is, my family comes with the ever present tails.” Some more annoying than others. Searcher Rose didn’t mind, it was easy enough to figure them out, they always kept their distance. Hopefully her not mom had warned them not to intervien when it came to assassin. She might mistake them for one of them. “ Why don’t you pick the tunes before we head out? ” The point was to learn what music Andi enjoyed, wasn’t it? Might as well have her pick. WIth a silent chuckle Rose shakes her head. “ I have Jack in my bike, I can just grab it when we get to your place.” That might have been too much of a hint about Rose’s regular alcohol activities, but it’s not like she tries that hard to hide it. Rose lets out a light whistle. Brave man. “ I can take the bottle with me when I leave.”

Part of her did and didn’t care about keeping her identity a secret, just as Rose pointed out. Maybe at the start she did care about keeping the secret, but the years, the losses, she began to stop caring. One of the biggest reasons for a secret identity was to protect those closest to you. If a super-villain knew the girl at the record store was the superhero disrupting their operations, they could track down friends, family, take hostages, blackmail, she’d heard all the lectures, seen what had happened to Flash because people knew he was Venom.

She had been one of the victims of people knowing that secret.

But now, most everyone Andi knew was dead, her circle of friends were small, and those who remained, like Rose, were more than capable of defending themselves. “Keeping a secret identity becomes kinda pointless when you really don’t have much to lose, plus I’m pretty sure I’m in a government database after the whole Alchemax thing.”

“I mean, at this point I fly under a bunch of supervillain radars, so as long as I stick small time punks, pretty sure no one’s gonna know it’s me unless they’re a SHIELD spy or a Bat.” Her reckless behavior has come back to bite her before, but it hasn’t stopped her from continuing. “As for the security cameras, nah, you don’t gotta do that--gotta get Mitch to do his job as a manager besides hide in his office.”

Andi went and looked through some CDs, ones she kept behind the counter for her own use and some that were due to go out on the racks the following day. It was an odd mix, power metal, classic rock, rock opera, hip-hop. One look inside Andi’s bedroom to see the clashing posters of MCR and The Who could tell Rose that Andi’s interests varied. She set some cases on the counter before grabbing a plastic bag. Tonight’s entertainment would be provided by The Who, Nightwish, Disturbed, and MCR. Putting the CDs into the bag, she took out her phone to open up a delivery app, changing locations to her apartment rather than the store. “What goes good with Jack? Pizza, wings, or burgers?”

[shotorozu]

encountering a ‘pick me’ girl

character(s) : kirishima eijirou, todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki (bnha)

warning : PICK ME GIRL, misogyny (?) pick me girl makes an off handed comment about your body but it’s not detailed at all

PART TWO — PART THREE

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, but they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, angst if you squint

note(s) : i made 2 versions of this post so,, if you’re reading this— then i probably decided that i liked this one more than the other one i made,, anyways, i used real life examples 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

kirishima eijirou

i’d imagine that eijirou would have an idea of what a pick me girl is— i mean, there were probably 2 of those girls in middle school

but has he experienced it first hand? nahh.

though, eijirou didn’t think he’d encounter one when he was already in a healthy and committed relationship!

eijirou is practically friends with everyone— and yeah, even the most unexpected. so, he’s bound to accidentally befriend a pick me girl

him, being the nicest one out of all of the characters in this list, will still be nice to said pick me girl, despite wanting to snob them to the core

because really— you can’t really fight fire with fire in some cases

but, he can be everything but lenient when the pick me girl starts insulting you for doing certain things, and for absurd reasons too

like,, how you laugh, and how you take care of yourself (for example— if you wear makeup, or how you style your hair)

which is odd! everything about you is everything but the things the pick me girl has stated so.. he cannot stand by.

SCENARIO

the girl giggles to herself after that snide comment leaves her lip gloss coated lips. eijirou shifts uncomfortably— honestly taken aback by the anything but subtle insult that was thrown at you

“like.. seriously! it’s honestly quite superficial if you look at it like that. who the hell would put that much effort infront of your boyfriend? i’d assume they’d see everything AND everything but.. i guess not.”

you blink. superficial? now that’s a new one. the girl infront of you has been babbling insults sugarcoated in boasts the entire time, and you’re just wondering if it’s about time you guys leave but—

“well that’s unfair,” your boyfriend laughs, “i put the same amount of effort as this cutie right here,” eijirou pokes at your cheek, earning a quick laugh from you— which he can only thank the heavens for that

“but that’s different. it actually looks put together when you’re doing it, eiji.” the certain glint in her smile makes you want to wipe it right off with a dirty mop, “it’s impossible to look put together with expensive clothes, but being built like a—”

the sound of the sliding of a chair is quicker than your actions, and it easily cuts her off.

“i’m sorry, but we gotta go, it’s totally not cool of you to say those things about Y/N!”

“what? but i mean.. it’s true, right? i’m looking out for them! they’re literally out here l—”

“bye!” eijirou waves her goodbye with your hand, dismissing the sour expression on her face— as he dashes off with you

you’d question how he’s just so nice to people like that, but when he turns around, you could see the distaste in his eyes

“so that’s what a pick me girl’s like,” shaking his head, his expression lights up with such a quick manner “i’ll never make friends that are like that again!”

safe to say, eijirou’s friend list has been a a person shorter ever since that incident

bakugou katsuki

oh, so that girl’s bold bold.

if she thinks she could get away with being a not so subtle pick me girl infront of bakugou katsuki, then she couldn’t be more wrong.

it’s absolutely revolting— i mean, he hasn’t displayed any romantic feelings towards ANYONE that isn’t you.

also, they’re quite gutsy if you ask me. so congrats for having guts??

i don’t think he’d be friends with a pick me girl. he’s very selective of who he’s befriending, so it’s probably your friend that’s the pick me girl in this case

he wouldn’t know what a pick me girl would be, but he’d probably know the description of one.

over some time, he’d grow some resistance to insults directed at him, but when someone insults his s/o

oh boy. that’s not good. remember when i said that katsuki was almost like your scary and intimidating dog

this is what i mean

knows he can’t make a scene, so his first option is to be dismissive asf— but if said pick me girl literally can’t get it, he won’t be afraid of shoving some explosions into her face

because his hands are rated e for everyone

SCENARIO

“so you wanna be picked or something, is that it?” he hates how you literally have the resistance of a rock— which is something he always liked, but in this case hated. if it weren’t for you— he would’ve blasted explosions into her sorry excuse of a face until it’s beyond recognition (that wouldn’t be hero like, is what you’ve said in the past, but he disagrees.)

but seriously? ugh. he just wants to leave this horrid place, and make some dinner with you in the comfort of his home. why are you even friends with her anyway? she’s not even trying to be slick at this point.

“p-picked? i’m not understanding, katsu.”

“it’s bakugou.”

“right,” her laughter is like nails on chalkboard, “i’m just watching out for Y/N, y’know? there’s no point in wearing all of that.. on their face.” and she’s obviously referring to your obviously very well done makeup

“it’ll make your skin terrible in the long run! and really— i couldn’t really understand on why someone would wear that much, when you could survive with i dunno.. lip gloss at most?”

you would’ve actually said something as a rebuttal, but your boyfriend is quicker, and a lot more direct than anyone else in the area.

“just say you can’t do makeup and fucking scram,” katsuki’s ice cold glare finally breaks out of the act he’s been trying to hold together for you

“their makeup is fucking bomb as hell, compared to your ridiculous spider lashes, lady. come back when you’ve watched james charles’ entire fucking channel.” he harshly states in similar bakugou fashion, despite the lack of screaming.

and if you squinted hard enough, you could see tears welling up in her eyes. but katsuki tugs your hand before anything else could be said

“let’s fucking go, you need better friends.”

he makes you cut ties with all of them, and he practically scolds your terrible choice of friends— but he goes quiet when you tell him that you’ve been friends with her since middle school

“good fucking riddance. next time, i’ll punch them as soon as they say something outta line, got that?” and next time (hopefully, there won’t be a next time) you’ll actually lash out— or maybe,, you’ll let him loose for once.

todoroki shouto

now shouto might be,, socially unaware sometimes. but he can tell whenever someone’s trying to insult his s/o

like,, right away.

now— you both run into this person after a pleasant date, and she eagerly presented herself as your friend

so, her attitude catches him off guard because who’d have anything rude to say about you and towards shouto’s face? especially when it’s about something normal.

like,, wasn’t she your friend?? why is she even like this?

his hostility is very well known, so they should be scared.

he gets detached from the conversation, and he’ll immediately go cold— and shouto would probably go as far as walking away with your hand in his

doesn’t matter if he properly says goodbye or not— if a girl’s being rude to his s/o, they obviously don’t deserve his usually polite attitude. nope, that’s a luxury.

oh— and what more when they’re seeking for his validation. newsflash! said pick me girl won’t be get any from him.

SCENARIO

shouto couldn’t stop the bitterness bleeding into his mouth, when the girl in front of him continued to babble and take up the valuable time he had left with his s/o

initially, she presented herself as your friend from middle school— but as of now? she seems to be more interested in him more than you, despite knowing you first.

she’d ask him a string of obvious questions with very obvious answers, like ‘is she treating you well?’ ‘is she acting correctly?’ and questions of the sort

“oh, sorry! i’d hate to cut this conversation short, but—” you finally decide that it was about time to leave, while shouto looks pretty,, deadpanned right now, you could tell that he was gradually starting to get irritated by your friend’s words.

“wait. thats.. kind of controlling, don’t you think? do you ever let shou make decisions?”

“uh.. controlling? since when??” you question at the accusation. this girl knows nothing about your relationship dynamic, and she’s already jumping the gun and making conclusions.

your gaze snaps back to shouto, who looks just as surprised as he could possibly be.

“yeah! it clearly looks like he still wants to talk” which is an obvious lie, shouto just wants it out of here “i wonder how you managed to snag such a guy like him,” she comments with a smile that looked anything above suspicion (yet, it makes your stomach churn)

you could see the way her hand gets gradually closer to him— and frankly, you’re not sure about what she was planning to do next, “you wouldn’t need to dress all expensive and fancy, if you’re with a girl with an already classy appear—”

“i think this conversation is over,” shouto grip is firm on the wrist that was attempting to grab his shoulder, shouto makes no attempt to even look at the girl infront of him “i don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not humorous. at all.”

“what?” she stammers, drawing her hand back “i-it’s obvious they don’t know how to take a joke! this is why there are barely any good w—”

shouto’s next actions knocks her speechless, his hand rests at the small of your back, before gently guiding you forward— “love, what movie are we watching later?” he says, making an effort to press a quick, yet intense kiss on your lips

“oh,” you breathe out, surprised by this action. “don’t be so tense, love.” shouto comments on how tense your shoulders have looked, ever since she started running her mouth, “now.. what movie do you want to watch tonight? comedy? thriller?”

“you pick,” you laugh at the quick shift of topic. and when you look behind you, you could see shame and defeat welling up on her face. shouto finally feels like he could smile again, the bitterness dissipating from his mouth

after shouto questions you if that was what a pick me girl was, he makes sure that you guys won’t ever encounter such thing again

“you.. don’t have more friends like that, right? if you do— we could always do another friend list cleansing.” this statement makes you laugh but shouto is anything but joking

but being reminded of his reaction to that ‘pick me’ girl does puts a smile on your face.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[humancomedy]

Human Comedy: Humanity - 4

Arashi: Come on, already! We have to get moving, Mika-chan! The Repayment Festival's about to start!

Content Warning!

Mentions of death within.

Location: Underground Live House

Arashi: Come on, already! We have to get moving, Mika-chan! The Repayment Festival's about to start!

Mika: Ngah~... I wanna finish up what I'm doin' here first, so why dontcha go on without me?

This is somethin' real important fer Knights, ain't it? Ya don't wanna be late!

Arashi: It doesn't feel right leaving you alone, though?

Mika: 'S fine, I promise! Valkyrie's not even gonna be in RepayFes, so it don't really matter if I show up late.

Arashi: Mm~... I haven't said a word all this time, but what if I told you that the two of you actually are performing?

Mika: Huh? Whazzat? I didn't hear nothin' 'bout that!

Arashi: I was sworn to secrecy—that overbearing "Oshi-san" of yours actually lowered his head and practically begged me for help.

Listening to him was as tedious as ever, but I could tell he was almost frantic, and he brought up some good points...

Quite honestly, the fact that I've managed to keep my lips sealed until now impresses even myself, but there's no time to explain.

Mika: Eh... Naru-chan, ya really had a chat with Oshi-san? When?

Arashi: Remember that day when you looked like you'd gone through the wringer? Right after that, I went to find him—I grabbed him by the collar and demanded that he tell me everything.

Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I lost my cool like that; I seriously thought I was gonna knock your "Oshi-san's" lights out for real. ♪

Mika: Wh-what good would hittin' him do? Violence won't help nothin'; Oshi-san would probably just keel over an' die from shock!

Arashi: Aww, he would've been fine! Maybe it's because you've been looking after him for all this time, but... Whatever the reason, he's way tougher than I remembered—or it's more like he's gotten super gutsy.

I was actually pretty impressed.

The moment he saw the look on my face, he just rolled right over and said, "do as you please."

But he asked for me to spare his face if I was going to hit or kick him—the fans at the Repayment Festival would be concerned if they noticed he was hurt, after all...

To see your "Oshi-san" acting like that... it's hard to believe, but it seriously made my opinion of him shoot way up~

After hearing what he had to say, I couldn't help feeling guilty, but there was nothing else to do except walk away.

It was like, "What am I supposed to do with my raised fist now? Should I just hit him as hard as I can on the RepayFes stage instead?"

Either way, we've been in contact ever since—I've been calling him regularly and giving him secret reports on how you're doing.

I'm sorry for acting like some sort of spy.

Mika: Hmm...? So that's how ya found out 'bout Oshi-san's plan to perform at RepayFes?

Arashi: Yep! It was honestly pretty amazing... Literally everything you've done since then is exactly as he predicted. It's like he has you right in the palm of his hand, huh, Mika-chan?

Or, since this is you, should I describe it instead as him pulling all the strings?

Mika: ...Nah, I'm pretty sure it ain't like that. Oshi-san wasn't tryin' to pull me in one direction or another, he just knows me well enough to guess how I'd move...

He's prone to worryin', y'know? Betcha he was so anxious that he could hardly stand it, but he trusted 'n waited fer me instead.

I kinda reckon he's puttin' too much faith in me.

Y'know, I ain't really got that much confidence... But if nothin' else, I wanna try my best t'live up to what he wants.

Arashi: Hm~m? I'm not so sure about that—the two of you always seem to have your own little way of doing things that nobody else can figure out, you know?

Mika: Ahaha, I know, right? It's 'cause I'm Oshi-san's family.

Nazuna: Kagehira...!

Mika: Huh!? Nazuna-nii! What's goin' on?

Nazuna: So you really were here...! What are you even doing in a place like this!?

Mika: Eh? Ehh? Um, ya wanna know what I'm doin'?

Well, right now I'm kinda... breathin', 'n blinkin' my eyes, 'n lookin' at ya, Nazuna-nii...?

Nazuna: That's not what I'm talking about! Sheesh, where do I even start with you!?

Kagehira, weren't you supposed to go back home? Isn't that what Itsuki told you to do?

Mika: Ah~, I did go rushin' to my hometown fer a bit, but then I came right back...

Oh, d'ya want a souvenir? Here, I've got these octopus-flavored chips... Lately it seems like they've been makin' more 'n more stuff that you'd only find around there. ♪

I don't normally buy this kinda stuff, so I thought it was pretty cool t'see, y'know?

Nazuna: ...? ...?

Arashi: Ufufu. I feel your pain, but trying to get a straight answer from him isn't really worth it, Nazuna-chan.

The two of them in Valkyrie really do have their own language that only they understand, so as outsiders we're totally lost, huh?

Nazuna: Oh, Arashi-chin... Um, what are you doing here? Are you and Kagehira here together?

Arashi: Yep. I've been busy preparing for the Repayment Festival, too, but I always made sure to stop by at least once or twice every day to check on him.

To tell you the truth, I didn't want to leave his side for even a second, you know?

But Mika-chan kept saying I didn't have to stay, and it's not like I had a lot of free time, either...

Still, this boy would be working 24/7 if nobody reminded him of basic human needs like sleep and food, so someone had to make sure he was looked after, right?

Mika: Yeah... I'm real grateful, Naru-chan. Thanks t'you, I was right comfortable stayin' here ♪

Arashi: There's no need to thank me. But come spring you're going to be living on your own, right? Are you sure you'll be okay? I'm beginning to worry...

Mika: 'S gonna be fine, I promise! Even back home... I got praised lots fer how much I've grown up. ♪

Arashi: It's honestly more incredible that you've even survived this long...

Hold on, we can't stand here just chatting like this! We've got to hurry back—the Repayment Festival's about to begin!

Nazuna: Y-yeah, that's true, right? Besides, we can keep talking along the way...?

Mika: Ah, can y'all hang on a sec? It'd be a real shame if I forgot t'bring along the outfits I worked so hard on.

Nazuna: Outfits? You mean, you made them?

Mika: Yep. Though I can't totally take credit fer 'em, since I used a couple of Oshi-san's old sewin' patterns 'n stuff. It'd be right bold of me to act like it's an original design.

But still, I worked real hard day 'n night to get 'em done... and if that ain't enough to prove that I poured all my heart 'n soul into 'em, I dunno what is.

The way things are now, I've got no right t'talk to Oshi-san...

But if I can't ever talk to him again, then I reckon I'd rather be dead. That's why I've gotta keep givin' it my all to live up to what he expects.

And right now, everythin' I am and everythin' I feel is right here in these outfits.

← prev ❖ all ❖ next →

[dreamwatchpro-wrestling]

Dreamwatch Blood Crown Tournament Night 1 (Match 6)

Shin Yagami vs Hiro Kurosaki

Sometimes, as a wrestling fan, its good to admit that at the core of our fandom we really just want to see passionate violence. Maybe I'm projecting a little, but that's what this match was. It was fascinating, watching this match start out as a violent brawl and then become more violent and frenzied without letting up as the match continued. Wild strikes, stiff kicks, brutal slams, desperate top rope dives, blood, sneaky weaponry, this match truly had it all. Hiro Kurosaki is on a bit of a losing streak at the moment but his performances are so violent and gutsy that he's always a treat to look forward to. He's fearless, to the point where I'm not sure if he ever knows when he's outmatched. He was obviously outmatched here by the striking and submission expertise of Shin Yagami, who was more than willing to up the brutality to keep Kurosaki down. Kurosaki managed to stay in the match as long as he did with raw power and aggression above all else, and even though he lost, it made for an admirable attempt regardless. Shin Yagami eventually punched Kurosaki in the back of the head enough times for Naomi to call the match before Kurosaki's skull was turned into powder. Shin Yagami moves on to the next round!

Shin Yagami: Heh... That was a pretty fun one. Not every day you meet someone that strong and dumb enough to keep fighting when the fights obviously over. He's got guts, but nothing else. As for the brass knucks... Well, someone really wanted me to beat that guy, and that's all I'll say on that. You don't get paid by the hour in this business, only by the victory. I plan to be paid handsomely by the time this tournament is done. When the business is all done with, I'll have another match with him for the pleasure.

--

Hiro Kurosaki: I should have won that! Brass knuckles?! I thought the people coming in were supposed to be legitimate fighters, trained strikers or whatever bullshit-

Daigo Asahina: You worked hard out there. You almost had him.

Huro Kurosaki: You think this shit is funny...? You're here trying to mock me and play innocent?! I'm not tired enough to crush you right now!

-Hiro stands to confront Daigo. Daigo Sighs-

Daigo: heh... Sure. Well I suppose we'll see what happens out there.

-Daigo exits-

Hiro Kurosaki: Fuck that last match, I am going to put Daigo in the fucking ground and end that little hype train. That's all that matters...

D A R K M A T T E R

[violetwolfraven]

Some Kind of Disaster

A song fic that is part 2 to this. Basically, it’s an angsty sprace fic to Some Kind of Disaster by All Time Low. Mostly cause I felt guilty for breaking Race’s heart a little bit. Enjoy, y’all.

...

I'm a liar, I'm a cynic. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I'm a loser, I'm a critic. I'm the ghost of my mistakes. And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want. What are you after? Some kind of disaster?

Spot felt numb as he walked back to the Lodging House.

It was Race.

They both had to be the stupidest sons if bitches who ever lived, because they’d known each other since Spot was 13 and Race was 12 and it had never registered in Spot’s mind that he knew most of his friends’ soulmarks, yet Race was his best friend and he’d never seen his. Never even considered that it might say his name.

I woke up from a never-ending dream. I shut my eyes at 17.

It had been 4 years.

How were they just finding this out now?

Probably because they were stupid. They were goddamn idiots and now everything was messed up.

I lost every moment in between. I felt the sun rise up and swallow me, yeah.

Replaying every interaction they’d had in the last 4 years, Spot guessed he wasn’t particularly surprised.

He’d started spending time with Race because he found him intriguing. No one else risked crossing a King of Brooklyn if they didn’t have to—even one who hadn’t been king very long—and then here came this cocky little shit who’d apparently been selling at Sheepshead for years and somehow managed to talk every Brooklyn kid who found out into not reporting him to whatever king happened to be in power.

When Spot did find out about him, he hadn’t been scared. Not even a little.

Even Jack Kelly, three-time Refuge escapee and all around badass (Spot would never say it to Kelly’s face, but he actually respected his fighting skills.) had a healthy respect for the Brooklyn crown. He knew that Spot could kill him if he needed to, and was understandably wary, even as the best fighter in Manhattan.

Race hadn’t shown any respect beyond the normal kind decent people showed other human beings.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want.

So, Spot had always figured that was what had drawn him to Race. What had kept him running back to this gutsy Manhattan kid no matter how annoying he was sometimes or how many other friendships Spot had ended for his friends’ own sake.

And Spot had ended many friendships over the years. People close to you were just people for you to cry over when they inevitably left you, one way or another. Or they were people who could be used to manipulate or hurt you, and either way, it wasn’t worth it.

But he’d never been able to bring himself to push Race away, because Race treated him like he was any other kid. Because Race laughed when Spot asked him if he was scared of him. Because Race could be annoying and sarcastic at all the wrong times, but he also could be so considerate and caring when something was genuinely wrong. There was no one else Spot trusted enough to talk about feelings with.

I'm a liar, I'm a cynic. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

And yet he’d never thought of Race in the way a soulmate bond was supposed to imply. He’d never daydreamed about what it might be like to kiss Race, never thought about how nice it felt just to hug him. Never. Because being queer was dangerous when you weren’t leading the bloodiest borough in New York and besides, Spot didn’t have time for any relationship.

He’d never thought about it. Never. He couldn’t.

Because even if he had, there was the fact that Spot was a killer, he was objectively a terrible person, and Race deserved someone good. He deserved someone who it wasn’t dangerous to be with, and if he couldn’t want a girl, he deserved a nice boy who could give him an easy relationship. Or, as easy as two boys could be.

I'm a loser, I'm a critic. I'm the ghost of my mistakes.

That would never be Spot. He could never give Race what he deserved, which was why, despite the look on his soulmate’s face when he pulled back from that kiss, he had to do it. He had to push him away—had to finally force himself to push Race away—because if he didn’t, Race would end up stuck with a broken, complicated killer who didn’t deserve him.

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after?

That didn’t mean the pain on Race’s face hadn’t been agony to witness. It was Spot’s fault, he knew, for not pushing him away sooner.

He kept all his other friends at arm’s length for a reason. It was his own damn fault that Race was hurting right now, because if he’d just pushed him away when he should have, Race wouldn’t have developed any kind of feelings for him.

Some kind of disaster?

And he knew that Race did have feelings for him, because Spot knew Race, and Race wasn’t the kind of dumbass to kiss someone just because they were soulmates.

God, Spot wished he could wish that never happened. In truth, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, because it had been full of uncertainty but it was good. He totally hadn’t imagined kissing Race before, but if he had, it still would have been better than anything he could imagine. He hadn’t wanted to stop even as he pushed him away.

I crashed down from a high that felt so real.

Spot was fighting a smile over the fact that Race had kissed him, which was stupid because he wasn’t a goddamn teenage girl.

I never knew how much it would hurt to feel.

Thinking again about how hurt Race had looked when he pushed him away, it wasn’t hard not to smile anymore.

Even without the fact that they were soulmates, even if you disregarded them being best friends, Racetrack Higgins was one of the few genuinely nice people in the world. Spot genuinely couldn’t imagine wanting to hurt him.

You gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal.

He would recover. He’d pick himself up and find some other boy and Spot could pretend it didn’t ache to even think about seeing him with someone else.

Well, imagining Race happy with someone else was better than imagining him hurting.

You gotta get back up and learn to deal. Yeah.

And Spot would be fine. Love wasn’t something that had ever been in the cards for him. He would be lucky if he lived to 20 as it was, and honestly... well, he couldn’t imagine what his life would look like when he was anything other than a Newsie. He knew he’d have to move on eventually, but...

Well, wherever he ended up, Spot was sure it wouldn’t be with a bouncy boy with a blue-eyed smirk that could melt anyone’s heart.

Nope. It hadn’t melted Spot’s. It definitely hadn’t. He couldn’t think about that.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want.

“Why do you look like someone spat in your sandwich?”

Shit. Spot hadn’t expected anyone to be waiting up for him, but a couple of his friends had.

Or maybe Hotshot and Joey just felt like playing cards in the common room at 9:00 at night when they had work tomorrow. Who knew?

I’m a liar, I’m a cynic. I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

“I’m fine, Hotshot,” Spot mumbled, heading for the stairs.

“That ain’t super convincin’, Spot,” Joey remarked, “If you’s gonna lie, can ya at least do it well?”

Hotshot slapped her in the arm, “Spot, what is it?”

Screw it. Spot had to talk to someone about this, and Hotshot was his second. He trusted him more than just about anyone.

“Hey, Jo, can you go upstairs?”

Joey looked up from her cards, registered that Spot was serious, and put the cards down, standing up and heading for the stairs.

“Guess I can kick Hotshot’s ass in poker tomorrow,” she said, “Have a good talk, boys.”

I’m a loser, I’m a critic. I’m the ghost of my mistakes.

Spot sat down in the seat Joey had been in, waiting until he heard her get to the top of the stairs to untie the fabric covering his wrist.

“You remember this, right?”

Hotshot nodded, untieing his own, “So, this is ‘bout Anthony?”

“I guess.”

“Wait, did ya find him?!”

“Did you find Isaac?”

Hotshot hesitated.

“Wait, did you? When?” Spot demanded, “Did ya find your soulmate and not tell me?”

Hotshot laughed nervously, “Maybe?”

“Who?”

“Um...” Hotshot looked at the floor, “It’s... it’s Ike. He’s a Manhattan boy. We found out maybe six months ago. We’s been meetin’ up in secret for a few months, but... well, so far it’s workin’.”

Spot realized that... well, Hotshot was an angry, defiant 12-year-old when he first came to Brooklyn. Now, he was an angry, defiant 15-year-old. He ran hot. They called him ‘Hotshot’ for a reason.

But a few months ago, he’d started cooling down a little. He was calmer. Happier. He still was a bit too confrontational for his own good, but Spot hadn’t had to bail his little brother (because Hotshot was his little brother, blood be damned) out of a fight in a while. He’d noticed the smile that came out more often, but just... hadn’t asked about it.

“That’s...” Spot forced a smile, “That’s great. I’m happy for ya, kid.”

“So, what’s the story with Anthony?” Hotshot asked, “I takes it by the look on your face, whatever it is didn’t go well.”

“It... it’s complicated.”

“Well, what is it?” Hotshot urged, “What happened?”

Spot’s instinct was to not tell him. His instinct was to just run away and talk to someone he was more comfortable with talking to.

But he wasn’t comfortable with anyone more than Hotshot. No one except Race. And his head was still a little hazy from the alcohol, so he could blame it on that.

“I pushed him away.”

Hotshot nodded, “Okay. I did the same thing.”

Spot didn’t expect that, “Wait, what?”

“I pushed him away when I found out—relationships are messy and dumb, right? Only the little shit wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept findin’ any excuse to come see me. It took him gettin’ sick and finally stayin’ away for a few days for me to realize I didn’t want him to.”

Well, that wasn’t Spot’s problem. He wasn’t pushing Race away because he didn’t want him. He was pushing him away because he knew that confident, funny dumbass deserved better than him.

Spot took a deep breath, “It’s Race.”

“Oh, shit. Wait... haven’t ya known him for—“

“Years, yeah,” Spot admitted, “And we’s just figurin’ it out now. We’re stupid. I get it.”

“Still... Race is your best friend. Why would you push him away?”

Spot scoffed, “Hotshot, ya know what kind of person I am, right?”

“Yeah..?” he looked confused, “This is a problem because..?”

“I don’t deserve him.”

Hotshot was silent for a second before banging his head on the table.

“What—“

“Ya think I deserve Ike?” he asked, rolling his eyes, “You had to pull me off a Harlem kid before I killed him, once, Spot.”

“Yeah, but—“

“I ain’t a good person, either. Hell, most of Brooklyn ain’t. But do ya see the rest of us mopin’ ‘bout not bein’ good enough for our soulmates? Do you actually know what ‘soulmates’ means?”

“Yes,” Spot growled, “It means fate made a goddamn mistake, cause Race is so good, and he deserves better than me.”

“But you’re his soulmate,” Hotshot argued, “That means nobody can make him happy like you can and... dammit Spot, even if ya don’t deserve him, he deserves to be happy. So if ya really care, just... the best you can do for him is to suck it up, accept you’ll never deserve him, and love him, anyway.”

“I.... I don’t...”

The words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t say that he didn’t love Race.

He couldn’t say that he did, though, either.

“I thought you was supposed to be the wise one,” Hotshot muttered, “Bein’ leader and a couple years older than me. Thought you’s supposed to have more figured out.”

Spot shrugged, “I probably am.”

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after? Some kind of disaster?

Spot stalled until the next day, waiting until after selling time and then hurrying over to catch his soulmate before he left for Manhattan.

Race looked like... like someone had blown out a candle inside him. Sad didn’t quite cover it.

When he saw Spot, he froze, somewhere between afraid, angry, and hopeful, but thankfully not trying to run as he watched him approach.

Spot took a deep breath, “Can we talk?”

Race seemed to be pondering the options before he nodded once, jerking his chin towards his usual hangout place under the stands.

Well I've sung this song a thousand times.

“So, what is it?” Race asked, kind of annoyed-sounding.

Spot knew him well enough to know that he was using faked anger to cover up his real feelings, though he wasn’t sure what said feelings were. He decided not to point that out.

“What?” Race asked again, an impatient edge in his voice as Spot struggled for words.

He had no idea what to say. This was... he usually knew what to say to Race. Race was his best friend. Things were easy and safe with Race.

Race was his soulmate. He didn’t know what to say about that.

I wore the crown, I sold the lie.

“I think I owe ya an explanation,” he said finally.

Race snorted, “What’s there to say? Soulmates ain’t always a guarantee. Sometimes fate makes mistakes, and I ain’t gonna try to make you want me, Spottie, so—“

“I do,” Spot interrupted, “Or... I don’t... not.”

“What?”

There was hope and fear in that word.

I lived the life and paid for every crime, yeah.

Spot took a deep breath, shoving down his nerves. Race deserved the truth.

“There are things I can’t say, Racer, but don’t think for a second that I pushed ya away because I don’t have... feelings. Believe me, it’s frustratin’ that I do, but... I don’t deserve you. Plain and simple. I’ve got more blood on my hands than you should have to deal with.”

Race looked at the ground as he took a step closer to Spot.

“Ain’t that my decision to make?”

His voice was softer, now, but Spot still knew he needed to choose his words carefully.

It's all downhill 'til it's a climb. Through blood and tears, but I don't mind.

“I can’t give ya everything you deserve,” he said, “I can’t. It’s a fact. You deserve someone who isn’t a damaged killer who’s angry all the time.”

“I don’t give a fuck what I deserve,” Race said quietly, “I already know everything you’ve had to do to survive, Spot. I ain’t ran yet and I ain’t gonna. If ya don’t want me, you can just say so. But if you do, you need to say it right now.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Spot admitted, “Race, I push everyone away because it’s... it’s safer.”

“So let me be the one person you don’t push away. Ya never have before we found out ‘bout this.”

“This is different. Havin’ a friend is one thing. A lover... a soulmate... that’s different.”

I'll just keep singing on and on and on.

“I don’t care,” Race insisted, “Spot, it’s my choice what I want to take on. And I know bein’ with you, I’d be takin’ on danger and a whole lot of complications, but I don’t care. I’ll take it all on if you’ll let me.”

Spot took a deep breath. He replayed Hotshot’s words in his head, knowing that he didn’t deserve Race, but Race deserved to be happy. He was terrified to let someone get that close to him, but...

Well, to be honest, Race already was that close. Race had been breaking down his walls since he was 13, and if they got together, not that much would actually change because they already knew every part of each other.

And it's all my fault that I'm still the one you want...

“I don’t deserve you,” Spot said slowly, “And there are things I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to say to you, but... I’m willin’ to try. I want to try.”

Race smiled, “Is that the truth?”

I’m a liar, I’m a cynic.

Spot realized right then how close together they were standing.

Maybe it was still annoying to him how he had to look up a bit to look Race in the eye. It wasn’t fair, considering Spot was actually a little under a year older.

I’m a sinner, I’m a saint.

“Yes,” he mumbled, “That’s the truth.”

It was. Because even if it was hard to admit it to himself, Spot did want Race, and he was glad he was his soulmate.

I’m a loser, I’m a critic. I’m the ghost of my mistakes.

Race looked around, checking that no one was around. It was late enough that no one was. They probably wouldn’t be walked in on here.

Spot was a little nervous about what that meant, but a little excited, too, as Race turned back to him with a cheeky little smirk.

“May I?”

And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want.

Spot nodded, grabbing the front of Race’s shirt, himself, to pull him into a kiss like the one he’d been too scared to return last night.

Yeah, it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want. So what are you after? Some kind of disaster?

[safflowerseason]

i find it hard to believe adam brody would come back, unless there is a lot of money on the table. season 4 already felt different and without ben & adam, it just won't be the oc. tbh tho, it would be interesting to have a spin-off style show following julie cooper, or if the show was gutsy enough, summer after divorcing seth (lol would never happen). maybe the latter is getting into hart of dixie territory basically.

Yes I was surprised the deuxmoi blind item didn’t mention that, since Adam Brody has been the most explicitly on the record against a revival in previous interviews. I guess everyone has a price in Hollywood, especially post-pandemic, but I also feel like Brody and McKenzie actually have/had the correct read on things - what the show’s core fans really want is a do-over because the show cratered so spectacularly (except no one is saying that part out loud), not because they want more of what was happening in S3 and S4. Like, no shade to Willa Holland (I remember watching her in Arrow and feeling pleasantly surprised by the fact that her acting had significantly improved!), but it’s hardly like she would be a main draw for fans. And sure, some revivals can basically ignore controversial final seasons, like Roseanne and Gilmore Girls, but The OC was so poorly plotted and managed, it’s impossible to gloss over the less-great or more controversial parts of the show. Like, there is simply *no* way to work around Marissa’s death. Again, if the Gossip Girl revival does well and they are set on bringing back The OC in some fashion, they should just do a full-on reboot--new characters, same setting--and not a revival. But also, like, the premise of The OC is not that unique...new outsider kid on the block, somewhere in SoCal...just do a new show! 

Would 100% watch a Julie Cooper spin-off, though. 

[myngxy-sue]

Heartbreak Hurts Like Hell

I was originally going to write about Sue’s envy finally giving her the motivation to confess to Lucifer but I got so caught up with what happened beforehand that I dedicated almost three days of my life writing this. Pairings: Mammon X Yuki, Lucifer X Sue maybe Word count:  3772 words Genre: Angst, hurt, comfort Warnings: Probably OOC and my character gets slightly injured. There’s also some cursing in it. The ending is probably rushed too. 

She wrote him a love note once. It wasn’t anything special. She couldn’t think of a better way to express her love for him. Perhaps it was a bit too long. Sue had a horrible habit of getting wordy when it came to her writing. But it was from the heart and she dedicated all her time and effort into writing it. She stuffed the note into her purse, assuring herself that she’d give it to Mammon when she got the chance.

Well, chances came and went, the note was forgotten about and it wasn’t until Yuki confessed to Mammon that she remembered. But it was too late. Mammon and Yuki were together.

It was a pretty generic confession, like one straight out of an anime. Their meeting place was under a cherry blossom tree of sorts. Sue happened to be there as well because she had a still life assignment for art class. Yuki had been there for quite a while, leaning on the tree, walking around it a few times and sitting right next to it, waiting. Sue had half a mind to ask what she was waiting for but she decided against it. Yuki didn’t seem to be aware that she was there too.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps, the sound of someone’s feet cutting through the grass as they ran. Sue peeped to see who it was and her heart stopped. Mammon stumbled before Yuki, scratching his head and wearing a sheepish grin on his face.Yuki helped him up.

Sue got a cold, clenching feeling inside her, somewhere between her chest and her gut. Something told her that she knew what was about to go down. She absentmindedly placed a hand on her purse, watching everything unfold.

Yuki looks down at her feet, a strong blush fading on her cheeks. She fumbled with a skirt before taking a letter out of her pocket, a pink letter bound with a red heart sticker. Sue wanted to turn away. Lord knows she desperately wanted to turn away. But she couldn’t. It was like watching a car accident take place.

Mammon’s face went blank as he eyed the letter. He takes it and promptly shoves it into an inner pocket with a smile, probably planning to show it off. They exchanged some words with each other, Yuki looking ecstatic and Mammon blushing. Then he took her in his arms and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Finally, Sue had enough.

She gathered all her things, stood up almost instantly and bolted to the school building. The clenching feeling began paining her. She tried to prevent the hot tears from accumulating but to no avail. Sue didn’t want anyone to see how hurt she was. They’d start pestering her with questions she didn’t want to answer. She slipped into class and hastily as possible and went over to her seat.

Putting all her supplies inside her desk, she rests her head down on the surface, using her arms both as support and as cover. Everyone assumed she was sleeping when she was really crying. This was all thanks to her habit of taking quick naps during school hours, particularly during breaks. She made sure to stay as still as possible and regulate her breathing.

She couldn’t believe it at first. Even if she knew all the signs, she refused to accept it at first. Yuki was a very outgoing girl despite what she tried to affirm. It was only a matter of time before she decided to make her confession. Her anxiety was never as bad as Sue’s, perhaps because she didn’t have a voice in her head constantly demeaning her. Mammon favored Yuki since she was the first between the both of them to make a pact with him.

But she didn’t get why he was only drawn to Yuki. Sue made a pact with him too and through less dubious means. She should be the one he clinged to. Leviathan forced Yuki to make a pact with Mammon for his own benefit. It didn’t make any sense.

Yuki wasn’t all that great. She was much too nosy and reckless for her own good, constantly getting herself into trouble. Sue had to save her countless times, especially from Lucifer. Yuki was childish. She cried about every little thing, she was a bit selfish, lazy, indecisive, irresponsible and maybe even stupid. Yuki was nothing but a burden.

At the same time though, Yuki was so sweet as well. Even if she was nosy, it was only because she wanted to do what she believed was right. No matter how cruel the brothers were to her, Yuki was always kind to them and believed they had some goodness to them. She was the only person who was never mean to Mammon.

Of course Mammon loved Yuki. Even with all her shortcomings, she was still better than Sue in many ways. Sue couldn’t really think about anything meaningful she had to offer. That was probably why everyone except Lucifer prefered Yuki. She was the fun, loving one. Sue was the boring mom friend.

Sue felt guilty for trying to rationalize why her friend was a bad choice. She should be happy for Yuki. She remembered all those late nights when she listened to Yuki swooning about her dream boy. Yuki saw that in Mammon so she should be glad. But no matter how hard she tried, Sue was never fully content for her friend. Her feelings for Mammon were still so strong.

Ugh, why does stuff like love and feelings have to be so difficult?

“Oi, oi! Sue-chan! Wake up!” A high-pitched voice bubbled as the owner shook Sue. “You’re not supposed to be sleeping during the day!”

Sue let out an exasperated sigh. She knew it was Yuki, not that it was hard to tell who she was to begin with. Yuki stood out for better or for worse. Reluctantly, Sue sat up, wiping her eyes in a groggy way so her friend wouldn’t suspect a thing.

“But it’s break time…” Sue grumbled.

“But Lucifer-san got mad at you for sleeping in school!” Yuki pouted, putting her hands on her hips.

“Weren’t you listening?” Sue began cleaning her glasses. They got smudged against her skin. “He was mad because I was sleeping during class. Otherwise, Lucifer has no problem with me sleeping in school.”

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

Yuki took a closer look at Sue, narrowing her eyes. Sue put back on her glasses with a straight face. Deep down, her guilt was reaching its zenith. Someone so pleasant didn’t deserve her wrath, even if it was all internal.

“Why did you wake me up anyways?” Sue huffed, acting like she didn’t see the confession.

Yuki pulled away quickly, instantly becoming bright eyed. “Oh Sue-chan, it was like a dream come true! I confessed to Mam-kun under the sakura tree and he accepted my feelings!”

And grass is green and the sky is blue! I bet you want to tell me that people die when they are killed too!

That was a stupid thought to have. Sue tapped herself on the head lightly. Yuki didn’t know she saw a good chunk of the confession. Sue knew that very well. This heartbreak was making her act weird.

“That is the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sue smiled weakly.

“But it was so magical!” Yuki swooned, spinning herself around like some sort of princess. “If you had a boyfriend, you’d understand!”

Sue felt like she got stabbed in the heart. She shouldn’t be getting so hurt over Yuki’s words but they hit a nerve. The bitter part of her was telling her that Yuki knew what was going on and she was intentionally trying to hurt her. But Sue’s rational side reminded her that even if Yuki knew, she wouldn’t be so spiteful about it. She just wanted to scream so badly.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend, Sue-chan?” Yuki said suddenly.

Sue was taken aback. “Why would you ask something like that?”

Yuki shrugged playfully. “I just think you should’ve had a boyfriend by now. After all, you’re eighteen.”

Sue couldn’t be mad at Yuki for having that mindset. She grew up in Japan and Sue heard that there was a dating crisis there. If Yuki hadn’t been dragged to Devildom, there’d be no doubt that her parents would pressure her into finding a man to settle down with.

“I don’t know…” Sue groaned. “I don’t know anyone out there who likes me…”

“There has to be someone out there!” Yuki asserted. “There’s always someone for everyone. It’s like the saying from your country: Every…. Umm.... Every… Well… It has something to do with bread.”

“Every bread have a cheese?”

Yuki snapped her fingers. “That’s it!”

Sue chuckled softly, secretly wishing that the ground would consume her already.

“Don’t worry, Sue-chan! I will find the right man for you!” Yuki declared.

Sue gawped at Yuki before smiling and snickering, “Good luck with that.”

Yuki affirmed that she could do it before stomping off ambitiously. Sue sighed once more before putting her head down again. Now she had to deal with getting over Mammon and Yuki’s quest to match her with someone. Two things too many. And once the bell rang, Sue was going to have math with the worst teacher ever. Sue placed her hand on her purse again.

“Well, so much for that…” Sue thought to herself.

She knew at that moment that she wanted to dispose of the note. It had no use anymore and if anyone found it, she’d die of embarrassment. Throwing it in the bin was out of the question. It was so easy for someone to find it that way. Not to mention, there were some demons gutsy enough to rummage through garbage. Sue kept thinking of other ways. Even when the bell rang and classes resumed, Sue was coming up with a myriad of ideas to get rid of her note.

It went on like that until school finally finished for the day. To Sue, the day felt longer than usual. She was so desperate that she didn’t even wait for the bell. But she managed to control herself. The last thing she needed to do was piss off Lucifer.

During the walk home, Sue abruptly had an idea. She had read Little Women very recently. There were many parts of it that stuck to her. But since she wanted to dispose of her love note, the moment she thought about very much had something to do with destroying paper. She remembered when Amy burned Jo’s writing.

Of course, fire was the best way to get rid of almost anything. Paper wasn’t safe. The flames would reduce everything to ashes. All of her regrets, unrequited feelings and all would become nothing. If she played her cards wisely, it’d be like the note never existed to begin with.

She knew at once that burning the note would be the first thing she did once she returned to the House of Lamentation.

As she walked home, Sue thought about how glad she was that never bothered to give Mammon the note. She was proud that she was too shy for her own good. She had the feeling that even if she did beat Yuki to the confessing, Mammon would probably reject her. He needed someone who loved him wholly, someone who didn’t make him feel like trash. That someone, as hard as it was for Sue to admit, was Yuki.

If she saw Yuki and Mammon together, she’d turn a blind eye. She’d have to stop looking at Mammon with rose-colored lenses. He was a demon and whatever trouble he got into affected everyone to boot. Even Sue was annoyed at how Mammon would constantly get into the same problem over and over again. That and his arrogance was quite annoying.

Damn it…

Even with all that in mind, Sue’s love for Mammon was still great. She could only hope that this wouldn’t last for so long.

The walk home went without a hitch if one ignored the fact she fell into an open drain. Her ankle hurt like a bitch. In the heat of the moment, she almost used her pact to summon Mammon. Seeing him for the rest of the day was the last thing she wanted. She couldn’t summon anyone else. Making a pact with Mammon alone was a dumb idea. Well, she supposed that her ankle wasn’t that badly hurt.

Shit…

Sue rubbed her ankle once she managed to climb out. Lucifer would notice. She could pretend to her heart’s content, but he had a way of knowing. Her heart stopped. He had a way of knowing. Sue began to worry about how much he knew about her.

He probably knew about the note already. They were in the same room when she wrote it. Lucifer may have taken some cursory glances while he was working. He might’ve known that she was pretending to sleep when she was really crying. Once Lucifer even knew she had a cold before she even came to the realization. But maybe she was just over thinking. Sure, Lucifer knew many things but not everything. And what business did he have with unrequited love anyways? In all likelihood, he wouldn’t care. Lucifer had six oversized babies to look after, two humans to protect as well as copious amounts of work from Diavolo. Even if he knew, he didn’t have the time and energy to care.

Sue limped the rest of the way home, grateful that she didn’t bump into anyone she knew. She stopped at the front door. Maybe she could hide the ankle problem. It wasn’t like she didn’t try to walk normally when she hurt her foot before.

She entered.

The entrance hall was empty, much to her delight, and the fireplace was right in front of her. Sue stumbled into the living room. She didn’t even bother to check if anyone was in there.

“You’re late,” A voice said sternly.

Sue froze, jolting a bit when she accidentally applied weight to her bad leg. She turned to the source and she could feel herself trembling. Lucifer was not too far from the fireplace, lounging on a chair with a book in hand. His eyes were locked on her, that world famous scowl on his face.

“You didn’t even have any of my brothers accompany you,” Lucifer added as he stood up. He walked over to Sue. “Care to explain yourself?”

She looked up at the demon, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Her mouth opened slightly but not a sound came out. Lucifer let out a frustrated sigh as his face softened. He picked her up suddenly and set her down on the nearest chair.

“Even you can be troublesome…” Lucifer mumbled under his breath. He stared at her bad leg, almost cradling it in his hands. Sue didn’t know why but it was oddly comforting. It wouldn’t awaken anything within her, right?

“I fell into a drain,” Sue admitted.

Lucifer remarked, “You know you should watch your step.”

“I guess…”

“I am going to grab a few things for your ankle. I want you to stay in this exact spot. Don’t even think about getting up.”

She eyed her feet as she listened to Lucifer walking off. The sight of the swollen ankle made her cringe. Regardless, she took off her shoe and her sock to get a better look at it. It was a lot worse than she was expecting. The skin was mostly reddish with some bits of purple here and there. Sue grumbled. If she hadn’t been so caught up on the note, she would’ve watched her step.

Oh yeah, the note…

Sue pulled it out of her purse. It was folded pretty delicately. If only she could fold other things just as nicely, she thought. She opened it. Only one word in and she already couldn’t take it. She had put so much effort into it. That was one of the reasons she hated it so much. But mainly, it reminded her of the feelings she was now ashamed of. Feelings she wished that she could just get rid of on a whim. Why couldn’t it just be simple like that?

Lucifer may have told her to stay still, but she had to do what she was about to do. Sue got up, the pain from her ankle shooting up to the rest of her body. Jesus Christ, she was in pain! But she ignored it. Crumbling the note in her hands, Sue staggered over to the fireplace. The heat was quite welcoming.

She looked at the crumpled piece of paper before quite casually tossing it into the fire. Falling down to her knees, Sue watched as it was slowly consumed by the flames. A strange sense of melancholy took over. At the same time, she was strangely ecstatic. She couldn’t look away even after the note turned into ashes.

“You cannot be serious!” Lucifer exclaimed.

Sue chuckled softly as the demon paced over to her. He hoisted her up and carried her back to the chair, plopping her down on it. Lucifer gawped at her, holding her face up by the chin so she wouldn’t look away.

“I thought I’d just be able to ignore this but you've been acting strange since break,” Lucifer said. “What’s the meaning of all this?”

“Sometimes you just want to watch your regrets burn in an open fire,” Sue answered plainly. She smiled weakly but Lucifer was as stern looking as ever.

Lucifer raised a brow. “Is that all?”

“It was just a stupid story I wrote. I didn’t like it so I burned it. There’s nothing to worry about,” Sue claimed after hesitating for a moment.

The silence between them was damning. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed before he huffed.

“Sue, I believe we both know that’s a lie. I saw what you wrote and I know exactly who it's for. But if you insist on lying then please be my guest.” Sue bit her lip. She knew what she should tell him but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. Just thinking about it brought back the pain tenfold. The tears came flooding out and her lips streamed. Lucifer was stunned.

“I feel horrible!” Sue whimpered. “Mammon likes Yuki and I don’t want to be mad at her. But I still love Mammon!”

Lucifer’s eyebrows went up ever so high in disbelief. “You have feelings for Mammon of all demons?”

“I can’t help it. I think he’s great.”

“No, he is not,” Lucifer said, shaking his head.

Sue pouted. “Don’t act like you don’t get it!”

“I really don't.”

Sue furrowed her brows, giving Lucifer the best icy stare she could manage. But she gave up and let out a sigh in defeat, pulling away from him.

“Whatever,” Sue grumbled. “That doesn’t matter right now. It’s just that… I think I might be jealous of Yuki.”

“There, there…” Lucifer comforted, patting Sue on the head. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

“But I’m jealous of my friend.”

“You shouldn’t be jealous of Yuki. You must remember that she’s the inferior one.”

Sue paused as she gawked at Lucifer. How could she say such a thing? But once she really thought about what he said, she giggled lightly. It was pretty clear that Lucifer wasn’t being serious. He smirked a bit.

“Thank you. I’ll take it to heart,” Sue assured him.

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. “I hope you are not trying to flatter me. I was worried that this may affect your academic performance.”

“Is that all?” Sue had a blank expression.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Lucifer scoffed. “Now, let’s see about that injury of yours.”

Sue watched as Lucifer tended to her ankle. The brief moment of joy from a few moments before had faded.

“I just wish I could get over it sooner,” Sue confessed.

Lucifer nodded. “I suppose such feelings are quite bothersome. But they are not easy to overcome so don’t beat yourself down if you believe it’s taking too long.”

“I wish it were that simple but…”

Lucifer looked up at the human, raising a brow.

Sue continued, “I don’t know. I just feel really bad about being jealous of Yuki.”

“Has your jealousy led to you hurting Yuki?” Lucifer inquired.

Sue shook her head.

“Have you ever thought about hurting her?”

She shook her head again.

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Lucifer assured her. “You have a lot of self-control, something my brothers unfortunately lack.”

Sue tilted her head. “But what about you?”

Lucifer got serious real fast. “And what do you mean by that?”

Sue paused, looking at him with a blank expression again. She considered whether or not she should tell him. But before she could decide for herself, Lucifer spoke up.

“No, I don’t even want to hear it. I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself, Sue.”

“Fine.”

She looked down at her patched up ankle, her internal pain easing up a little. Then her gaze turned to the fireplace. She wished that she could burn her feelings and move on. But all she could do was bottle them up and let it sit there until she forgot. Lucifer said she was doing a fine job, keeping it all in. That probably wasn’t the best advice. But she took it regardless.

“You should stay away from school until your ankle heals. I don’t want you hurting yourself anymore,” Lucifer advised. “I will make sure that you—”

Sue threw herself onto Lucifer all of a sudden, pulling him into an embrace. She could feel a new stream of hot tears running down her face. Lucifer eyes widened in surprise.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lucifer bleated.

“Thank you…” Sue breathed. She hurt her ankle again.

Lucifer recovered from the shock a bit before sighing. “If you wish to thank me, just say it. This is simply unnecessary.”

Sue looked up at him and was amazed to see the demon blushing. He tried to glare at her, but it was hard to be afraid when he looked so cute. She didn’t think that she’d get him flushed so easily. Many things were running through her mind. Something told her that perhaps getting over Mammon wouldn’t be so daunting.

“You are such a strange human,” Lucifer remarked.

She shrugged. Perhaps she was. Sue began to wonder about what would happen next.

“Will you finally sit down? You’re not making this any easier.”

Well, chances came and went, the note was forgotten about and it wasn’t until Yuki confessed to Mammon that she remembered. But it was too late. Mammon and Yuki were together.

It was a pretty generic confession, like one straight out of an anime. Their meeting place was under a cherry blossom tree of sorts. Sue happened to be there as well because she had a still life assignment for art class. Yuki had been there for quite a while, leaning on the tree, walking around it a few times and sitting right next to it, waiting. Sue had half a mind to ask what she was waiting for but she decided against it. Yuki didn’t seem to be aware that she was there too.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps, the sound of someone’s feet cutting through the grass as they ran. Sue peeped to see who it was and her heart stopped. Mammon stumbled before Yuki, scratching his head and wearing a sheepish grin on his face.Yuki helped him up.

Sue got a cold, clenching feeling inside her, somewhere between her chest and her gut. Something told her that she knew what was about to go down. She absentmindedly placed a hand on her purse, watching everything unfold.

Yuki looks down at her feet, a strong blush fading on her cheeks. She fumbled with a skirt before taking a letter out of her pocket, a pink letter bound with a red heart sticker. Sue wanted to turn away. Lord knows she desperately wanted to turn away. But she couldn’t. It was like watching a car accident take place.

Mammon’s face went blank as he eyed the letter. He takes it and promptly shoves it into an inner pocket with a smile, probably planning to show it off. They exchanged some words with each other, Yuki looking ecstatic and Mammon blushing. Then he took her in his arms and planted a kiss on her forehead. Finally, Sue had enough.

She gathered all her things, stood up almost instantly and bolted to the school building. The clenching feeling began paining her. She tried to prevent the hot tears from accumulating but to no avail. Sue didn’t want anyone to see how hurt she was. They’d start pestering her with questions she didn’t want to answer. She slipped into class and hastily as possible and went over to her seat.

Putting all her supplies inside her desk, she rests her head down on the surface, using her arms both as support and as cover. Everyone assumed she was sleeping when she was really crying. This was all thanks to her habit of taking quick naps during school hours, particularly during breaks. She made sure to stay as still as possible and regulate her breathing.

She couldn’t believe it at first. Even if she knew all the signs, she refused to accept it at first. Yuki was a very outgoing girl despite what she tried to affirm. It was only a matter of time before she decided to make her confession. Her anxiety was never as bad as Sue’s, perhaps because she didn’t have a voice in her head constantly demeaning her. Mammon favored Yuki since she was the first between the both of them to make a pact with him.

But she didn’t get why he was only drawn to Yuki. Sue made a pact with him too and through less dubious means. She should be the one he clinged to. Leviathan forced Yuki to make a pact with Mammon for his own benefit. It didn’t make any sense.

Yuki wasn’t all that great. She was much too nosy and reckless for her own good, constantly getting herself into trouble. Sue had to save her countless times, especially from Lucifer. Yuki was childish. She cried about every little thing, she was a bit selfish, lazy, indecisive, irresponsible and maybe even stupid. Yuki was nothing but a burden.

At the same time though, Yuki was so sweet as well. Even if she was nosy, it was only because she wanted to do what she believed was right. No matter how cruel the brothers were to her, Yuki was always kind to them and believed they had some goodness to them. She was the only person who was never mean to Mammon. 

Of course Mammon loved Yuki. Even with all her shortcomings, she was still better than Sue in many ways. Sue couldn’t really think about anything meaningful she had to offer. That was probably why everyone except Lucifer prefered Yuki. She was the fun, loving one. Sue was the boring mom friend.

Sue felt guilty for trying to rationalize why her friend was a bad choice. She should be happy for Yuki. She remembered all those late nights when she listened to Yuki swooning about her dream boy. Yuki saw that in Mammon so she should be glad. But no matter how hard she tried, Sue was never fully content for her friend. Her feelings for Mammon were still so strong. 

Ugh, why does stuff like love and feelings have to be so difficult?

“Oi, oi! Sue-chan! Wake up!” A high-pitched voice bubbled as the owner shook Sue. “You’re not supposed to be sleeping during the day!”

Sue let out an exasperated sigh. She knew it was Yuki, not that it was hard to tell who she was to begin with. Yuki stood out for better or for worse. Reluctantly, Sue sat up, wiping her eyes in a groggy way so her friend wouldn’t suspect a thing.

“But it’s break time…” Sue grumbled. “But Lucifer-san got mad at you for sleeping in school!” Yuki pouted, putting her hands on her hips.

“Weren’t you listening?” Sue began cleaning her glasses. They got smudged against her skin. “He was mad because I was sleeping during class. Otherwise, Lucifer has no problem with me sleeping in school.” “Oh really?” “Really.”

Yuki took a closer look at Sue, narrowing her eyes. Sue put back on her glasses with a straight face. Deep down, her guilt was reaching its zenith. Someone so pleasant didn’t deserve her wrath, even if it was all internal.

“Why did you wake me up anyways?” Sue huffed, acting like she didn’t see the confession.

Yuki pulled away quickly, instantly becoming bright eyed. “Oh Sue-chan, it was like a dream come true! I confessed to Mam-kun under the sakura tree and he accepted my feelings!”

And grass is green and the sky is blue! I bet you want to tell me that people die when they are killed too!

That was a stupid thought to have. Sue tapped herself on the head lightly. Yuki didn’t know she saw a good chunk of the confession. Sue knew that very well. This heartbreak was making her act weird.

“That is the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sue smiled weakly.

“But it was so magical!” Yuki swooned, spinning herself around like some sort of princess. “If you had a boyfriend, you’d understand!”

Sue felt like she got stabbed in the heart. She shouldn’t be getting so hurt over Yuki’s words but they hit a nerve. The bitter part of her was telling her that Yuki knew what was going on and she was intentionally trying to hurt her. But Sue’s rational side reminded her that even if Yuki knew, she wouldn’t be so spiteful about it. She just wanted to scream so badly.

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend, Sue-chan?” Yuki said suddenly. Sue was taken aback. “Why would you ask something like that?” Yuki shrugged playfully. “I just think you should’ve had a boyfriend by now. After all, you’re eighteen.”

Sue couldn’t be mad at Yuki for having that mindset. She grew up in Japan and Sue heard that there was a dating crisis there. If Yuki hadn’t been dragged to Devildom, there’d be no doubt that her parents would pressure her into finding a man to settle down with. “I don’t know…” Sue groaned. “I don’t know anyone out there who likes me…” “There has to be someone out there!” Yuki asserted. “There’s always someone for everyone. It’s like the saying from your country: Every…. Umm.... Every… Well… It has something to do with bread.”

“Every bread have a cheese?” Yuki snapped her fingers. “That’s it!” Sue chuckled softly, secretly wishing that the ground would consume her already.

“Don’t worry, Sue-chan! I will find the right man for you!” Yuki declared.

Sue gawped at Yuki before smiling and snickering, “Good luck with that.”

Yuki affirmed that she could do it before stomping off ambitiously. Sue sighed once more before putting her head down again. Now she had to deal with getting over Mammon and Yuki’s quest to match her with someone. Two things too many. And once the bell rang, Sue was going to have math with the worst teacher ever. Sue placed her hand on her purse again. “Well, so much for that…” Sue thought to herself.

She knew at that moment that she wanted to dispose of the note. It had no use anymore and if anyone found it, she’d die of embarrassment. Throwing it in the bin was out of the question. It was so easy for someone to find it that way. Not to mention, there were some demons gutsy enough to rummage through garbage. Sue kept thinking of other ways. Even when the bell rang and classes resumed, Sue was coming up with a myriad of ideas to get rid of her note. It went on like that until school finally finished for the day. To Sue, the day felt longer than usual. She was so desperate that she didn’t even wait for the bell. But she managed to control herself. The last thing she needed to do was piss off Lucifer.

During the walk home, Sue abruptly had an idea. She had read Little Women very recently. There were many parts of it that stuck to her. But since she wanted to dispose of her love note, the moment she thought about very much had something to do with destroying paper. She remembered when Amy burned Jo’s writing.

Of course, fire was the best way to get rid of almost anything. Paper wasn’t safe. The flames would reduce everything to ashes. All of her regrets, unrequited feelings and all would become nothing. If she played her cards wisely, it’d be like the note never existed to begin with.

She knew at once that burning the note would be the first thing she did once she returned to the House of Lamentation.

As she walked home, Sue thought about how glad she was that never bothered to give Mammon the note. She was proud that she was too shy for her own good. She had the feeling that even if she did beat Yuki to the confessing, Mammon would probably reject her. He needed someone who loved him wholly, someone who didn’t make him feel like trash. That someone, as hard as it was for Sue to admit, was Yuki. 

If she saw Yuki and Mammon together, she’d turn a blind eye. She’d have to stop looking at Mammon with rose-colored lenses. He was a demon and whatever trouble he got into affected everyone to boot. Even Sue was annoyed at how Mammon would constantly get into the same problem over and over again. That and his arrogance was quite annoying. Damn it…

Even with all that in mind, Sue’s love for Mammon was still great. She could only hope that this wouldn’t last for so long.

The walk home went without a hitch if one ignored the fact she fell into an open drain. Her ankle hurt like a bitch. In the heat of the moment, she almost used her pact to summon Mammon. Seeing him for the rest of the day was the last thing she wanted. She couldn’t summon anyone else. Making a pact with Mammon alone was a dumb idea. Well, she supposed that her ankle wasn’t that badly hurt.

Shit… Sue rubbed her ankle once she managed to climb out. Lucifer would notice. She could pretend to her heart’s content, but he had a way of knowing. Her heart stopped. He had a way of knowing. Sue began to worry about how much he knew about her.

He probably knew about the note already. They were in the same room when she wrote it. Lucifer may have taken some cursory glances while he was working. He might’ve known that she was pretending to sleep when she was really crying. Once Lucifer even knew she had a cold before she even came to the realization.

But maybe she was just over thinking. Sure, Lucifer knew many things but not everything. And what business did he have with unrequited love anyways? In all likelihood, he wouldn’t care. Lucifer had six oversized babies to look after, two humans to protect as well as copious amounts of work from Diavolo. Even if he knew, he didn’t have the time and energy to care.

Sue limped the rest of the way home, grateful that she didn’t bump into anyone she knew. She stopped at the front door. Maybe she could hide the ankle problem. It wasn’t like she didn’t try to walk normally when she hurt her foot before. She entered.

The entrance hall was empty, much to her delight, and the fireplace was right in front of her. Sue stumbled into the living room. She didn’t even bother to check if anyone was in there.

“You’re late,” A voice said sternly.

Sue froze, jolting a bit when she accidentally applied weight to her bad leg. She turned to the source and she could feel herself trembling. Lucifer was not too far from the fireplace, lounging on a chair with a book in hand. His eyes were locked on her, that world famous scowl on his face. “You didn’t even have any of my brothers accompany you,” Lucifer added as he stood up. He walked over to Sue. “Care to explain yourself?”

She looked up at the demon, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Her mouth opened slightly but not a sound came out. Lucifer let out a frustrated sigh as his face softened. He picked her up suddenly and set her down on the nearest chair. “Even you can be troublesome…” Lucifer mumbled under his breath. He stared at her bad leg, almost cradling it in his hands. Sue didn’t know why but it was oddly comforting. It wouldn’t awaken anything within her, right? “I fell into a drain,” Sue admitted. Lucifer remarked, “You know you should watch your step.” “I guess…”

“I am going to grab a few things for your ankle. I want you to stay in this exact spot. Don’t even think about getting up.”

She eyed her feet as she listened to Lucifer walking off. The sight of the swollen ankle made her cringe. Regardless, she took off her shoe and her sock to get a better look at it. It was a lot worse than she was expecting. The skin was mostly reddish with some bits of purple here and there. Sue grumbled. If she hadn’t been so caught up on the note, she would’ve watched her step.

Oh yeah, the note… Sue pulled it out of her purse. It was folded pretty delicately. If only she could fold other things just as nicely, she thought. She opened it. Only one word in and she already couldn’t take it. She had put so much effort into it. That was one of the reasons she hated it so much. But mainly, it reminded her of the feelings she was now ashamed of. Feelings she wished that she could just get rid of on a whim. Why couldn’t it just be simple like that?

Lucifer may have told her to stay still, but she had to do what she was about to do. Sue got up, the pain from her ankle shooting up to the rest of her body. Jesus Christ, she was in pain! But she ignored it. Crumbling the note in her hands, Sue staggered over to the fireplace. The heat was quite welcoming.

She looked at the crumpled piece of paper before quite casually tossing it into the fire. Falling down to her knees, Sue watched as it was slowly consumed by the flames. A strange sense of melancholy took over. At the same time, she was strangely ecstatic. She couldn’t look away even after the note turned into ashes. “You cannot be serious!” Lucifer exclaimed.

Sue chuckled softly as the demon paced over to her. He hoisted her up and carried her back to the chair, plopping her down on it. Lucifer gawped at her, holding her face up by the chin so she wouldn’t look away.

“I thought I’d just be able to ignore this but you've been acting strange since break,” Lucifer said. “What’s the meaning of all this?”

“Sometimes you just want to watch your regrets burn in an open fire,” Sue answered plainly. She smiled weakly but Lucifer was as stern looking as ever.

Lucifer raised a brow. “Is that all?” “It was just a stupid story I wrote. I didn’t like it so I burned it. There’s nothing to worry about,” Sue claimed after hesitating for a moment.

The silence between them was damning. Lucifer’s eyes narrowed before he huffed. “Sue, I believe we both know that’s a lie. I saw what you wrote and I know exactly who it's for. But if you insist on lying then please be my guest.”

Sue bit her lip. She knew what she should tell him but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. Just thinking about it brought back the pain tenfold. The tears came flooding out and her lips streamed. Lucifer was stunned.

“I feel horrible!” Sue whimpered. “Mammon likes Yuki and I don’t want to be mad at her. But I still love Mammon!” Lucifer’s eyebrows went up ever so high in disbelief. “You have feelings for Mammon of all demons?”

“I can’t help it. I think he’s great.” “No, he is not,” Lucifer said, shaking his head. Sue pouted. “Don’t act like you don’t get it!” “I really don't.” 

Sue furrowed her brows, giving Lucifer the best icy stare she could manage. But she gave up and let out a sigh in defeat, pulling away from him.

“Whatever,” Sue grumbled. “That doesn’t matter right now. It’s just that… I think I might be jealous of Yuki.”

“There, there…” Lucifer comforted, patting Sue on the head. “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” “But I’m jealous of my friend.”

“You shouldn’t be jealous of Yuki. You must remember that she’s the inferior one.” Sue paused as she gawked at Lucifer. How could she say such a thing? But once she really thought about what he said, she giggled lightly. It was pretty clear that Lucifer wasn’t being serious. He smirked a bit.

“Thank you. I’ll take it to heart,” Sue assured him. Lucifer narrowed his eyes. “I hope you are not trying to flatter me. I was worried that this may affect your academic performance.” “Is that all?” Sue had a blank expression. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Lucifer scoffed. “Now, let’s see about that injury of yours.”

Sue watched as Lucifer tended to her ankle. The brief moment of joy from a few moments before had faded. “I just wish I could get over it sooner,” Sue confessed. Lucifer nodded. “I suppose such feelings are quite bothersome. But they are not easy to overcome so don’t beat yourself down if you believe it’s taking too long.” “I wish it were that simple but…” Lucifer looked up at the human, raising a brow. Sue continued, “I don’t know. I just feel really bad about being jealous of Yuki.”

“Has your jealousy led to you hurting Yuki?” Lucifer inquired.

Sue shook her head. “Have you ever thought about hurting her?” She shook her head again. “Then you have nothing to worry about,” Lucifer assured her. “You have a lot of self-control, something my brothers unfortunately lack.” Sue tilted her head. “But what about you?” Lucifer got serious real fast. “And what do you mean by that?” Sue paused, looking at him with a blank expression again. She considered whether or not she should tell him. But before she could decide for herself, Lucifer spoke up.

“No, I don’t even want to hear it. I suggest you keep your thoughts to yourself, Sue.”

“Fine.”

She looked down at her patched up ankle, her internal pain easing up a little. Then her gaze turned to the fireplace. She wished that she could burn her feelings and move on. But all she could do was bottle them up and let it sit there until she forgot. Lucifer said she was doing a fine job, keeping it all in. That probably wasn’t the best advice. But she took it regardless.

“You should stay away from school until your ankle heals. I don’t want you hurting yourself anymore,” Lucifer advised. “I will make sure that you—”

Sue threw herself onto Lucifer all of a sudden, pulling him into an embrace. She could feel a new stream of hot tears running down her face. Lucifer eyes widened in surprise.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lucifer bleated. “Thank you…” Sue breathed. She hurt her ankle again. Lucifer recovered from the shock a bit before sighing. “If you wish to thank me, just say it. This is simply unnecessary.” Sue looked up at him and was amazed to see the demon blushing. He tried to glare at her, but it was hard to be afraid when he looked so cute. She didn’t think that she’d get him flushed so easily. Many things were running through her mind. Something told her that perhaps getting over Mammon wouldn’t be so daunting. “You are such a strange human,” Lucifer remarked. She shrugged. Perhaps she was. Sue began to wonder about what would happen next. “Will you finally sit down? You’re not making this any easier.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #204: Claws Across the Water!

February, 1981

Welcome back, true believers! ... Eh, true believer?

I hope at least one person out there is still into this.

It has been nearly two years. I let this sort of series slip into forever hiatus. My at the time job was really eating all of my energy.

That plus the yellow peril villain two-parter that’s this and next made it hard to get motivation up to get back into it.

But in the time between then and now, I wrote a fixer-upper draft of a pretty okay novel for nanowrimo and started learning crochet. So the time not Avengersing wasn’t entirely wasted.

But now I don’t have a job!

Thus, the Avengers.

Our roster of Captain America, Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, Wasp, Vision, Beast and Wonder Man are going to fight an enormous Ming the Merciless and many fuchsia Laserbeaks from Transformers.

Its a weird but gutsy concept for a crossover.

(Three cooks in the kitchen, writing-wise. Not an auspicious start.)

The issue really starts with a woman named Shu Han sending a secret message for help because she is being held captive by THE YELLOW CLAW.

Yellow Claw has offered Shu Han “honor, unlimited power, a pivotal role in the new history of the world” in exchange for something. He gives her three days to make up her mind, leaving Shu Han unsure of how much longer she can continue to resist.

And a day later, in Avengers Mansion, the Avengers say goodbye to Hawkeye. He had been hanging out with them a couple issues through the Red Ronin thing, the shudder Avengers #200 thing, and yet another Ultron thing.

And then Jarvis comes in with the mail.

Despite the Avengers being the Avengers, all of their mail fits neatly on one tray. And one piece of mail dramatically marked LIFE AND DEATH gets Cap’s attention and he pauses their meeting to read it.

It seems that Shu Han’s secret distress message was picked up by a ham radio operator in Hong Kong.

Imagine. Two hundred and four issues in and ham radios are still a relevant plot point! And yet Rick Jones no longer is. Goes to show...

Anyway, the ham radio operator’s letter says that Shu Han says that she’s being held captive by the Yellow Claw. And since Jocasta doesn’t know who that is, it lets Cap exposit.

Captain America: “The Yellow Claw is a biochemical genius. Well over a hundred years old, he retains his youth through secret scientific methods of his own devising. Unfortunately, he’s also a tyrant intent on destroying every last vestige of western civilization -- at any price! The Claw and I have fought several times in the past. I’d hope we wouldn’t have to again.”

So as you might guess from this, Yellow Claw isn’t a new character. He first appeared in a self-titled book in 1956. And opposing the Yellow Claw in the Yellow Claw was FBI agent Jimmy Woo. Which is slightly better.

Anyway, Iron Man chimes in that he’s heard of Shu Han. She’s a gold medalist in track in the 1968 Olympics. And Beast has heard of her too! She won the 1974 Nobel Prize in Physics!

Both of these things! Shu Han is quite the accomplished person.

And Cap isn’t sure why the Yellow Claw wants an Olympic gold medalist who is also a physicist but it can’t be for anything good!

Vision points out that the Yellow Claw’s island is in contested waters and that actions by the Avengers could cause an international incident. And also it might just be a trap.

I mean, ham radio operator? Really? In 1981?

Captain America: “That might be true, Vision, but the fact remains that someone in trouble has asked for our help. And as acting chairman, the only thing I can say in response to that is -- AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”

Good attitude, Cap. That’s a good attitude to have.

And the Avengers Assemble, which in this case means run out the door like they’re racing for shotgun in the Quinjet.

Running right past Jarvis who was bringing coffee and ginger cake in. Leaving him to eat the cake himself because heck, no sense letting it go to waste.

I tell ya, Jarvis is underappreciated. Do you know, I don’t think they even invited him to move into Dead Alien Mountain in the current book? Instead they got a man trapped in a gorilla to be their butler. I mean, valid, but you do Jarvis a disservice.

LATER ELSEWHERE

The Yellow Claw stands villainously on a balcony talking with a Dr. Liu and asking him about the status of a project.

Dr. Liu says that there’s almost enough “formula” to begin distribution.

Yellow Claw: “Your words please me, Liu, for I have waited long to grasp this moment. Others may have their kingdoms, their countries, even their continents. But soon, doctor, I... shall have a world!”

But the Avengers’ Quinjet appearing on radar takes some wind out of his sails and he orders the base locked down and defenses activated.

As the Quinjet circles the island, Cap decides to send Wasp and Vision to try to find a way to snoop around undetected.

Vision can just intangible through walls and Wasp can find small entrances.

Of course, when Yellow Claw says lock the base down he means lock it down because even the air vents have been covered up with plexiglass. But Wasp decides to just blow it open and fly inside.

Somehow, even with that, its Vision who makes the more conspicuous entrance, as he manages to intangible in right where some guards happen to be staring at a wall.

Good work, Vision.

For whatever reason, solid snaking through a dark air vent makes Wasp wistful for some time that she and Hank went in a tunnel of love. And he was so shy that she had to teach him SOMETHING.

I’m almost sorry that she stops her internal monologue anecdote when she spots the Yellow Claw.

And here our two sneakiest Avengers both prove that they need to intern with Black Panther for a weekend or something because they both make a goofus.

Vision beat up the two guards that spotted him and just left their bodies where they fell, causing alarum when they were found. See, Black Panther would have told Vision that you need to hide bodies in a locker.

And Wasp falls off the wall while trying to eavesdrop and is spotted by the Yellow Claw.

He doesn’t recognize her as a tiny woman, tiiiiiny woman, but the fact that a bug is in the base at all means that the base isn’t airtight which means one of the air vents has been compromised.

Meanwhile, the Quinjet has continued to circle because there’s no good place to land on the whole island. So Cap decides to land off the whole island and makes a water landing.

Apparently Quinjets are like seaplanes in that regard.

And then as they are trudging through the surf to come ashore, -battle transition music- A SLIME ATTACKS!

Wait, this isn’t a dragon quest. This is an Avengers. They’ve got a man in power armor and a robot woman. We’re sci-fi. Okay so its a cyborg slime.

Or a jellyfish. Or, you know what? It has a beak. Maybe its a kraken. A cykraken.

And it drags the Avengers underwater, which is just what a jellyslimefishkraken cyborg would do, if you think about it.

Beast and Scarlet Witch are SOL. Scarlet Witch’s arms are tentacled to her sides and all of her spells require a somatic component. And she hasn’t taken the feat yet to let her ignore that requirement.

And Beast doesn’t have any leverage underwater to apply his strength and agility.

Cap isn’t doing much better because he’s trying to hit the thing with his shield underwater and the water drag isn’t helping.

Jocasta is doing alright. Her eye beams work perfectly fine underwater at cutting the tentacles. Although the narration calls her a “robotrix” which... what?

And Wonder Man does fine too. Even underwater his super strength is enough to just tie the tentacles in knots.

But Iron Man goes completely limp and the jellyslimefishkraken cyborg grabs him up and sticks him right in its mouth.

But it was a ruse. He baited the thing into eating him so he can repulsor blast it from inside and destroy it, freeing the other Avengers.

Good job, Iron Man. You killed a unique, horrible lifeform.

I think we can see that the real monster is Man. Comma Iron.

Meanwhile, inside the evil villain base, Vision runs into the evil villain. Who asks sincerely what the fuck Vision is doing here.

And Vision responds by immediately firing a laser at Yellow Claw.

Which. Good hustle, Vision.

Buuuut. The guy has an energy field that rebounds the energy back at Vision and knocks him out. Its a proven fact that the villain will always have something to stop Vision from soloing the plot.

Kryptonite, so to speak, is everywhere.

Yellow Claw has Vision taken to his lab to be dissected. FOR SCIENCE!

Outside, Beast goes ahead of the other Avengers to scout.

In his Beasty way, he’s goofing a little, singing the Loch Lomond song. And then he’s attacked by just so many flying blades. A lot many.

And so are the rest of the Avengers.

Wonder Man: “No kidding! One just clipped a lock of Jocasta’s hair -- and that stuff can take a bazooka blast!”

I really like imagining the Avengers testing that.

More than that, I’m amused imagining Jocasta’s deadpan expression as they shoot bazookas at her head.

‘The things I do to socialize.’

Anyway, the Avengers scatter to make harder targets because the blades are clearing the jungle to deny any cover to the heroes. Cap spots the blade launcher and throws his shield at it. Because that’s what he do. And it works. Because that’s what he do.

And since the jellyslimefishkraken cyborg and the “death crescents” hadn’t given the Avengers the hint, Yellow Claw appears before them towering several stories high and tells the Avengers to GTFO his island! GEEZ!

Jocasta notices that giant Yellow Claw casts no shadow and announces that it must be a hologram of some sort.

AND THEN THE METAL DEATH BIRDS

They get very angry when you point out special effect failures.

And then the Avengers do their various Avengers things.

Its an action scene. Avengers fighting robot death birds.

Iron Man jumps upside down in front of Beast to protect him from a missile. And Cap does the same right side up with his shield to protect Wanda.

I do appreciate the teamwork with immediate protecting the squishy members of the team.

Wonder Man hits one metal death bird with another. Because hitting an enemy with an enemy is great. I love grievous harm with a body.

Only thing better? If some Jedi force pushed General Grievous to smash some droids. Grievous harm.

Anyway, Jocasta does her eye blasts again, to great effect again.

Captain America throws his mighty shield and even a metal death bird must yiiiiield.

And Scarlet Witch gets to do something this time because everybody is doing a thing this time. Its a real team showcase.

She. And this is totally what probability alteration is. She changes the probability that a launched missile will just turn around and blow up the robot death bird that launched it. That’s just math.

Iron Man says that since his armor powers were originally based on magnetism, he can just remotely magnetize two of the metal death birds and cause them to smash into each other.

BUT THE BEST ONE OF ALL? And the reason I bothered to synopsize the individual actions instead of just saying “and then an action scene happened”? The best one of all.

A robot death bird launches a missile at Beast and he catches it. He catches it between his toes and throws it back, blowing up the robot.

Spectacular.

So spectacular that we can assume that it instantly ended the battle just because of its sheer majesty. I can draw no other conclusions from the juxtaposition of panels.

The Avengers finally reach the base after spending most of the issue traipsing up from the beach. And the base being locked down is swiftly solved by Wonder Man and Iron Man punching the door down.

My only regret is that neither of them make a joke about knocking. C’mon guys, I can’t be writing your snappy dialogue for you decades after the fact. Publishing doesn’t work that way! I’m not writing a redub!

A bunch of Yellow Claw’s goofy guards all prepare to be ineffectual mooks in a mob brawl but Yellow Claw stops them over the intercom.

See, he’s got Vision prisoner. And while he had intended to dissect him FOR SCIENCE, hostage is equally good. So if the Avengers don’t surrender, Vision will be sliced to bits by dissection laser scalpels.

Anyway, Dr. Liu shows up through a secret door to show the Avengers in to talk to Yellow Claw.

And Yellow Claw says politely ‘why the fuck you on my island??’

Or:

Yellow Claw: “Welcome, Avengers. I am pleased to have such illustrious visitors in my humble home. In fact, there is one thing that could possibly make my bliss more complete -- the reason why you’ve invaded my island, and my privacy!”

Which in less polite terms is ‘why the fuck you on my island??’

At this point, Wasp secretly flies up to Cap and tells him she’s okay.

It’s good to reassure him that she’s not a second hostage but. There was no reason in the plot for her to have entered the base. She accomplishes no things. She arguably makes things worst but its only arguably because she didn’t alert the Yellow Claw any more than Vision already did.

I would have liked if she had tried to free Vision or sabotaged Yellow Claw’s security system or something but that’s not the direction the plot was going.

Anyway.

Yellow Claw asked a question so Cap answers. He tells Yellow Claw that the Avengers are here because they received a distress call from a woman named Shu Han who says she’s being held captive.

Yellow Claw is actually surprised. Possibly dismayed.

He recovers himself quickly and has Shu Han brought in so the Avengers can see she’s not under restraint.

She wasn’t brought to this island to be a prisoner! She was brought to be his bride!

Easy mistake to make, honestly!

Wonder Man points out the should-be-obvious that hey kidnapping is kidnapping even if its for nuptials but Yellow Claw is like ha ha kidnapping no no, Shu Han fill this dumbo in.

And it is. A story.

Shu Han: “I... I wasn’t exactly... kidnapped. You see, when I was very young, a man came to my father’s farm, and, as was custom in my country, an arrangement was made. To be less delicate... I was bought!

“Over the years, I all but forgot the arrangement, as I turned my thoughts and energies towards excelling in athletics, and in science.

“But then, some weeks ago, I was approached by agents of Master Claw, and was brought here. I was frightened, but didn’t know what to do. And so I secretly sent a message, hoping for you help.”

Shu Han has that mix of super good at science and sports you see in superheroes but she’s a normal genius person living her life. It’s going to be weird if she just never shows up again. But also: good for her.

Yellow Claw is just so disappointed that she dragged some randos into their interpersonal drama. And we can see now that the proposal he was proposing at her was “marry me.”

Yellow Claw: “Shu Han, I wished you no harm. I am old -- even my potions cannot stay the hand of death much longer -- and I fervently desired an heir to carry my name when that hand fell.

“Thus I offered you wealth, power, the prestige of sitting at my side. And now you repay me with treachery, with cowardice... with dishonor.

“You wish your freedom that much? Very well, then -- you shall have it!

“Go! For I’ve no desire to take an unwilling bride!”

Yellow Claw: May be a supervillain but is big into consent. I mean, except for the part where he bought a child.

Yellow Claw: May be a supervillain but is big into consent when the alternative is superheroes hanging around.

Shu Han doesn’t look super burned by his speech so maybe that’s why he does what he does. He klaps to bring out a bunch of backup wives to prove that he’s not so hurt by rejection. And that he’s got ‘mad game.’

Yellow Claw: “As you can see, there are others more amenable to that lofty position! So, Avengers, you have what you came for. Please don’t let me delay your departure any longer.”

Or in less polite terms ‘GTFO!’

Cap points out that obviously they’re not going to just leave without Vision so Yellow Claw has some goons carry out Vision like a potato sack.

Iron Man and Wonder Man carry Vision with Iron Man warning that he’s not just going to forget Yellow Claw even though the guy claims he just wants to spend his final years in peace with his pile of wives.

And a good call to not take the guy strictly at his word.

As soon as the Avengers are gone Yellow Claw all about mwahahahahas and says that now his evil plan can commence.

Yellow Claw: “No, Dr. Liu, having one less wife should not effect the project appreciably. For the others, hand-picked like Shu Han for their superior genetic traits, will all give me sons, strong sons whom I will train in the arcane ways.

“Then, when they reach manhood, they shall fight each other, until only the most worthy, the strongest, survives! And it shall be he who shall inherit my destiny! The conquest and eradication of the western world!

“Yes, the plan is still sound, and there shall be no defense against it! For my children, doctor -- SHALL BE THE LAST CHILDREN ON EARTH!”

As far as evil plans go, having a bunch of babies so they can fight to the death is pretty evil even before the conquest thing. And the last children on Earth thing.

Follow @essential-avengers. Or don’t. Honestly, I can’t blame you if you don’t. Throw me a like if you read and liked so I can get a sense of how many people read and liked, if you like.

[timidstoryteller]

The Bridge to Arden

Part one

I was standing on the bridge after my run, looking  into the water, seeing the reflection of trees always calms my wandering mind. I had been thinking a lot about how complicated life has gotten for me. It was all his fault. Him with his dark emerald eyes and wavy dark hair, it all complimented his fair skin tone. Arden has confused me since preschool, and I am honestly over it. That’s decided, I’m through talking to him. My heart aches at the idea. I have a magnetic connection to him, like we were made to be in the same place all the time. My mind goes back to the time when he left me, without word, without warning. He was gone, and then he was back. Years went by in that time, all of it blurry. Then he returned without warning, he clarified with, “I was away.” But where had he been? I wanted to know; I wanted him to let me in. But he never budged. Maybe he didn’t trust me. I pick up a jagged rock and throw it into the water with all my strength to calm my frustration. It doesn’t. And I knew, I’d never be able to give up on Arden. 

I gather my emotions and start running towards home. As I pass the huge brick mansions, I can’t help but think about what complicated lives were living behind the walls. I wouldn’t wish the way I feel onto anyone else. There is a yearning to be close to Arden. I look towards the snow capped mountain, and wish I could be gutsy enough to run away and hide from my feelings. But if I’ve learned anything, my emotions run quicker. But I am determined to run them out of my system right now. I am focusing on the cotton candy clouds I see through the foggy mountain peaks, when I hear“Hi Leanne!” in the near distance.

Looking up I focus on the towering six foot five man standing by his brick mailbox; I choke on the breath I am inhaling, and my left foot rolls under my stride. I fall rolling over my shoulder to recover to my feet, but no matter how smooth my recovery is, a tall girl falling is never graceful. “Hi A-Arden.” I managed while stumbling over his name. It was good to actually say his name out loud again, catching my breath, “You know my name is Leanna.” I add, glaring at him to make sure he gets the point. He throws his hands up in surrender while laughing, as if it were a joke. “Now, now Leanne,” smirks Arden as he moves towards me to place a hand on my shoulder, which I conveniently dodge. “Arden, DON’T,” I scream; gaining my composure, I continue, “I’m all sweaty, please don’t.” I make my already protruding eyes appear larger and rounder and add a pouty lip for good measure. Arden stands in front of me smirking, pain and compassion show behind his deep green almond shaped eyes. “Arden,” I say in a soft whisper, “I can’t…” He interrupts, “Leanne, we’ve discussed this, I am here and always will be.” 

He has this way of reading my thoughts before I articulate them. “You weren’t though Arden, you left, and the only explanation was that you were away. No call or text or goodbye. You were there and then you were gone. Fuck, Arden,” I say as I put my heads on the top of my head. He looks down at his feet. I think about continuing to let him have it, but all I manage is a growl of built up resentment. “Leanna,” calling me by my name to win me over, “I’m sorry,” he replies, sounding small and defeated. I emphasize, “I needed you,” as I fight back tears. “How can I make it up to you?” he smiles sweetly, but I am buying none of it. “Well for starters you could tell me where you were and why,” I say placing my hands on my hips. A long silence fills the space between us; he moves closer, now only inches from me. He towers over me, even for me being as tall as a Victoria Secret model. My eyes connect with his, pleading for an answer. Arden reaches out, taking my hands into his. I melt as his rough thumbs rub the backs of my hands slowly. “Leanne, you know I can’t…” cutting him off, I break my hands free from his, “Save it,” I say as I start my run back up. 

Arden shouts for me to come back, but I keep running home. I wonder why I did this to myself, I knew it was possible to run into him. It was only half past nine in the morning, and Arden normally slept until ten on Saturday. It doesn’t help that the only scenic place around besides the distant mountains was the bridge past his house on a dirt trail. Most people didn’t know about it due to it being hidden behind the victorian style mansion practically sitting in front of it. Man, how I feel like that little trail. It is beautiful, quiet, taken for granted, and kept hidden away. A place where secrets are told and kept. Not even the time Arden spent with me there could ruin it for me. Arden and his whit, which had no rival. I’m thinking about him again. “Come on, Leanna Ruby, you run to forget your problems, not dwell on them,” I say aloud, attempting a weak self pep talk. And a second later, my mind has returned to Arden Matthews. I slow to a walk, as I take my headphones out of my leggings, slipping my wireless headphones in, I press play on my Imagine Dragons playlist to drown out my thoughts. 

Arriving at  my driveway, I punch in the gate code, and squeeze through the opening as soon as the gap is wide enough for me to slip through. A few steps later, I turn to watch it close again. I see Arden standing off in the distance. I pull out my phone to send him a snarky text about how I didn’t need a shadow to see me home. And I reminded him that it’s 2020, so women can fend for themselves. I turn to walk towards my house in the distance. My phone buzzes. I read, I’ll always protect you, Leanne. Even if you don’t think you need it. I roll my eyes hard, but catch my full lips breaking out into a grin. A warm tingling fills me up as I make my way home, even more emotionally exhausted than before.

To be continued...

[fallout4holmes]

Journal 55

I rose early in the morning to don the Shroud’s costume and make certain I had plenty of ammunition. Codsworth provided a light breakfast, Valentine and I kissed our son goodbye, and I opened the door.

Cait stood there, hand raised as if about to knock.

She hurriedly dropped her hand and said, “What the bloody hell are you wearin’?”

In my surprise and hurry, I answered, “A trench coat. Why are you here?”

She fidgeted, “I never thought I'd be sayin' this, but I... well, I really need your help.”

She was even thinner and paler than usual, exhaustion clear on her face. ‘Help’ could have meant any number of things, and I did not have time. Yet, my eyes rested on the marks decorating her arms, so many more than on mine and so much more recent. I gestured she should step inside.

She sounded irritated, but did so, “Damn you for bein' so nice to me.”

Valentine opened his mouth, and closed it with a glance from me. He waited. We waited.

Cait built up her courage and the words flowed, “Ever since I left home, I been usin' psycho. I dunno why I'm still takin' that crap, but I can't stop, and believe me, I've tried. I can't even go a day without it anymore and I'm fuckin' tired of it. Worst of all, it's been makin' me sick. I've been spittin' blood and I don't feel right inside. I need to get this shite out of me system before I wind up dead. Normally, a wasteland doc could handle it, but I've been usin' the stuff so damn long they can't help me anymore.”

I’d never heard of an addiction that couldn’t even begin to be treated with addictol, but then I’d also never had any close acquaintance with psycho or its users. “Why come to me?”

She hesitated, “There's supposed to be a vault somewhere... a place called Vault 95. I guess Vault-Tec used it for some kinda experiment... stuck a bunch of junkies inside to poke and prod. Well, they supposedly had some special method to clean up those blokes in there... some kind of a machine or somethin'. If we could get inside, maybe that machine could help me.”

I frowned, skeptical, “Where did you hear this?”

“Piper found out about it, hell if I know how.”

That surprised me, “And she told you?”

“I think Hancock asked her to find somethin' to help me.” She saw my confusion, “I've been doin' jobs for Hancock and somehow he got it into his head that I need to get meself clean and that damn reporter has been tryin' to help because she can't mind her own business.”

“I could see that happening,” Valentine quietly commented.

It did make a bit more sense. “And you came to ask me for help instead of them because… you’re ashamed?” I asked.

She scowled, “I came because helpin' people is what you're supposed to be good at! I ain't ashamed.” She faltered, and became quiet, “… I'm scared. I can't ask 'em, ok? Don't even know why they keep tryin' to help me in the first place.” She sighed, “Look, I know my timing is shit. You've got more important things to worry about right now than a… a lowlife junkie. But you were decent to me, tried to warn me to stop before, and so. Here I am.”

“Do you know where we could find Vault 95?”

She shook her head, “Not really. All I know is it's supposed to be somewhere in the southwestern part of the Commonwealth.”

“I might know where it is,” Valentine said. “Figures it'd be in the opposite direction.”

I turned to him, “You don't have to come.”

He lit a cigarette, “Holmes, if you think I'm gonna let you take one step inside a Vault-Tec experiment for addicts without me, you're an idiot.”

“I will accompany you, sir,” Ada said. “I want to help.”

“Didn’t mean for this to turn into a fuckin’ party,” Cait grumbled.

“Do you think you’ll survive until after the war?” I asked her. She hesitated; that was enough. “Lead on, Valentine.” I whistled for Dogmeat, and our party started southwest.

It took the whole day, but we found it. Vault 95 did in fact exist… and it was overrun with Gunners. I decided we should rest a few hours before attempting to sneak through in the middle of the night. Ada and Dogmeat would remain on guard outside, ready to provide a distraction and/or a second front should we come under fire. Cait, Valentine, and I would go inside. Dogmeat did not like being told to stay with the robot, but he obeyed.

The plan shifted when we saw the two assaultrons on guard.

"I don't think sneakin' is goin' to get us past those things," Cait whispered.

"For once, I agree with her," Valentine muttered. "Not much by way of cover."

I sighed, "Then we'll have to fetch Ada and Dogmeat and bring them to the fight… or perhaps, bring the fight to them."

"I hate it when you're clever," Valentine said.

"You have previously given every indication that the opposite is true," I smiled.

"None of those other times involved intentionally pissing off assaultrons."

"Wait," Cait was alarmed, "just what exactly are you plannin'?"

"We're going to lure the assaultrons from their post. I've a few pulse grenades, which will help. Aim for the head; it is imperative that their laser be disabled if we are to survive."

"Imperative means important, right?" Cait whispered to Valentine as she took aim.

Valentine chuckled as he did the same, "Yep. Need anything to make sure you don't miss?"

"Need ya' to stop talkin'," she grumbled.

"God forbid I try to be helpful," Valentine sighed.

We struck. I might never stop finding fully functional and pursuing assaultrons terrifying. Ada and Dogmeat rushed to our aid as we led the assaultrons back to them; Dogmeat attacked the two Gunners who had followed as we tackled the machines. We managed to disable the optic laser of one before it had a chance to fire, but the second managed a shot… aimed directly at my partner.

I screamed as he dropped to the ground and rolled, the red beam striking the large rock he managed to take cover behind. With a wild yell, Cait charged the assaultron and dropped to fire point blank at its legs while I fired at its face. It's legs disabled, the machine crawled forward as Cait continued to pour shotgun shells into it. Valentine emerged, and I remembered to breathe.

"We got this one, Holmes," he shouted, "help Ada!"

The Gunners were down, but Ada was taking damage from the other assaultron in close combat. I rushed to her aid, following Cait’s example and crippling the legs as Ada steadily backed away, laser firing the whole time. At last the assaultrons were defeated, and we took stock of our situation.

“Ada, do you require repairs?” I asked.

“The damage appears worse than it is,” she reported. “I am still able to perform all functions, though perhaps not as efficiently as I would like.”

“Just gave Cait a stimpak,” Valentine said as they approached. Dogmeat hurried to us, sniffing and making all manner of sounds. Valentine patted him, “Good work on those Gunners, boy. Appreciate the help.”

“And you, Valentine?” I asked.

“Tail of my coat’s a little singed, but I’m alright, partner,” he smiled.

“Then let’s press on.”

More Gunners awaited us inside, along with the militarized Mr. Handy model known as a “Mr. Gutsy,” and multiple turrets. Still tired from the assaultrons, it was harder than perhaps it should have been, but we got through. Valentine’s throwing arm is impressive, and I don’t think he’ll criticize my habit of carrying grenades on every case for a time. The four of us, plus Dogmeat, fought our way through the vault’s corridors and eliminated anything in our way.

As we searched for the rumored machine that would help Cait, I wondered about the purpose of the place. The terminal in the Overseer’s office implied that the Overseer was an elected position, and thus couldn’t have any ties to Vault-Tec and its amoral experiments. Yet, the Overseer’s terminal explicitly stated the Vault’s intention to continue with its rehabilitation program. It was working. What happened?

We found the machine; to all appearances, a modified chair sitting in a chamber designated “The Clean Room,” a light positioned before it. I was skeptical. Cait was… scared.

“I dunno if I should do this,” she said, hesitating by the entrance.

“What?” I asked, “After you’ve come all this way?”

“I know you risked your life to get me down here, and I know I should just get it over with… but what if the psycho's the only thing keepin' me together?” She was trembling, “What if this opens me eyes and I don't like what I see? There were reasons I dulled the pain. Things I didn't want to face.... things I was tryin' to forget. I'd rather be spittin' blood than relivin' the past.”

Valentine spoke softly, “You’re a fighter, kid. Don’t give up now.”

She scoffed, but it didn’t have any heart to it. “Might be tired of fightin’.”

I smiled, “I find hard to believe, Miss Cait.”

I reached for her hand. She breathed deep, took my hand, and walked to the chair. She stood before it a moment before saying with sudden certainty, “I’m gonna sit down. Whenever you’re ready, go ahead and throw the switch. Don’t tell me you’re going to, just do it.”

“Very well.”

She sat down. I turned the machine on. The light glowed, and she screamed in pain. I had to hold back both my partner and the dog, “Wait.”

“It’s hurting her!”

“Of course it is. You saw me after taking addictol, I imagine this is ten times worse.”

Fortunately, it only lasted a few moments longer. The light faded, Cait breathed quietly, and when she stood up, it was with a look of awe on her face.

“Cait?” I asked, “How do you feel?”

“Strange… really strange.” She walked over to us slowly, “Everythin' feels... different. Clearer. Colors, sounds... smells, nothin' is like I remember it.” For the first time, I saw her smile. “I... I can't believe it worked. The cravin's, the pain... hell, even the rush... they've disappeared.” The smile faded as she reflected, “Was I really that far gone?”

“I’m glad it worked,” I said.

“You’re not the only one. I’m never gonna forget this, Holmes. I mean it.” She turned to Valentine, “You too, Nick, I know you only came along to keep Holmes safe, but you still ended up helpin’ me and I appreciate it.”

Valentine smiled, “Everyone deserves their fair shot. You’ve got yours, don’t waste it. Now what do you say we get the hell out of here?”

“One moment first,” I said.

“Holmes,” Valentine crossed his arms.

“Sir,” Ada said, “you have helped your friend. This seems an opportune time to escape this place.”

“And you’ve got to deal with the robot’s business,” Cait said. “I kept you from that long enough.”

I was already moving back through the vault, “I want to know why it failed.”

“Why what failed?” Cait shouted after me.

“Vault 95!”

“Why the bloody hell does that matter!”

“No use arguing with him,” Valentine said, “just try to keep up!”

I descended the stairs to what, according to the map in the Overseer’s office, would have been the residential area. I had assumed, in an unusual display of naivete, that the presence of chems in the Vault was a result of the Gunners inhabiting it. I was wrong.

A stash of chems and alcohol was held in a closet by the stairs, along with multiple bodies in vault suits. In the room to the right of the stash were two bodies surrounded by a tea party with mannequin attendees, psycho, and jet. Everywhere a skeleton was found, chems or a bottle were nearby.

My companions had caught up to me. Cait whistled softly, “Why would there be a stash in this Vault? Unless… oh. Vault-Tec. Experimentin' again, I bet.”

“So it seems,” I growled. I was furious. The private logs on the terminals revealed all the rest of the information I needed. The program had worked. For five years, Vault 95 developed into a family, a support system that actually worked to help people cope with their addiction… and then the Vault-Tec operative hiding in their midst opened a hidden stash of chems, just to see what would happen. Everything fell apart.

“Damn them to hell,” I muttered. “So many people’s lives destroyed, just so someone in a lab coat could see how tentative an addict’s grasp on sobriety can be. Some of them resisted for a time, but when their entire world was ripped out from under them, their refuge of peace and community turned into a war zone…”

“Fuckin’ animals,” Cait said. “Vault-Tec, I mean. Not the poor wretches who suffered for it.”

“Indeed.”

“You wanted to know,” she said.

I nodded, “I did. Let’s go.”

We left that place and headed northeast.

[daresplaining]

Hi, long time lurker, first time asker here. What are your thoughts on Trish's arc in Jessica Jones S3, and where do you think it would go if this wasn't the final season? Would she find a way to appeal her case or break out of prison?

    Hi! 

    I’m really torn on Trish’s Season 3 arc, and I’m not sure if that’s because it was horribly upsetting or because I had trouble making sense of it. I am also trying my best to look at it without the bitterness of it being the last season, because I doubt they knew it would be the last season when it was being written/filmed, and so saying that it was an unsatisfying way to end her character arc isn’t a fair criticism. 

    Jessica Jones has always been a show that takes its characters uncomfortable, morally iffy places. It leans into the fact that sometimes people are just terrible– and sometimes they grow and improve and sometimes they don’t. As Jessica comments in her narration in the very first episode of Season 1, this is a story about seeing the worst in people– the uncomfortable and messy aspects of just being human and handling the cruelties of the world in whatever way works. And that’s something I really like and respect about this show. It never backs down from its darkest themes, and all of its characters are unapologetically flawed. One of my favorites, Jeryn Hogarth, is a terrible person in this universe (her comics counterpart isn’t a paragon of virtue either, but he’s better). She starts out awful, she goes through some horrific experiences, and she clings to her awfulness as a survival tactic. She isn’t given a redemption arc or a neat, satisfying happy ending in any season, and that’s a gutsy storytelling choice that I absolutely respect. 

    On a certain level, I feel the same way about Trish’s arc. She has always been an imperfect person– not to the degree of many of the characters around her, but still. In Season 1 and The Defenders she was a hopeful figure– a success story of someone who had escaped an abusive situation and managed to rebuild her life on her own terms. She believed in the superheroic ideal– the image of a strong and noble individual protecting the weak and saving the world– to a degree that Jessica, thanks to her own traumas, no longer could. Trish served as a light in Jessica’s darkness, to put it sappily, and pushed Jessica along one of her (Jessica’s) main character journeys: that of seeing herself as a good person and a hero again. And that was very powerful and wonderful, and aligned with the themes of the Kilgrave plot. This part of Trish’s characterization was also further boosted by the complicated nature of own desire to be heroic. After spending her life as a victim who had no say in her own life or identity, she wanted the kind of power Jessica had to protect others from that type of situation and to also feel empowered herself. Trish’s desperate desire to be a superhero cannot be separated from her childhood as “Patsy”– an adored public figure who she had no say in becoming. Building herself a new public persona, gaining both literal and metaphorical power… it’s all about “killing” Patsy and recreating that same sense of positive influence on her own terms. 

    With this in mind, it has been horrifying (by design, to be clear) to watch this justified and understandable desire turn desperate and corrupted, and to see Trish transform into an antihero in the last two seasons of the show. As Trish, despite her better judgment, starts rebuilding her relationship with her mother, all of that past trauma comes back to the surface. She loses her grip on her life. And this comes out in her fervent desire to gain powers at any cost, thus warping her concept of heroism. Trish does what, in fact, many of the characters in the show do when their lives fall apart– she copes poorly. Her plans go awry, she makes mistakes, then she tries to justify them, and on and on, digging herself deeper and deeper until the idea of becoming a hero by murdering “bad” people seems like a logical and reasonable solution– the only way to feel like she is actually doing something “good” that makes a difference. This season emphasized the fact that, despite the illusion created in Season 1, Trish never actually escaped from her mother’s influence, she never actually moved on from that trauma, and those lingering ties end up destroying her. 

    Again, on a surface level, I don’t have a problem with this. I actually love dark stories with hopeless endings, and it is in conversation with Jessica’s journey of escape and personal reinvention. But Trish’s arc felt wrong to me, and beyond the anticlimax of the show’s cancellation, I felt it lacked nuance. If I think about it really hard, I can justify Trish going full-on Punisher. But in the moment, on an emotional level, it felt like a forced leap in her characterization. We weren’t deep enough in her head to fully understand how she ended up going so far off the rails. There’s also the problem of Trish not being the main character. In some ways, her story felt more like angst fodder for Jessica than anything else. As a Jessica fan, I love the final moment of the season, when she decides to stay in New York in spite of everything. But as a Trish fan, it felt unfair for Trish’s pain to just be treated as one more thing Jessica has to endure. There’s also the fact that Trish– Patsy Walker– is a long-established and beloved Marvel character. Her life has been dysfunctional, of course, but she is a superhero. She is Hellcat. And currently, she is a fairly positive, upbeat, and heroic figure within the Marvel Universe. I know it’s not fair or constructive to compare the shows/movies with the comics in this way. The MCU is its own universe, and Jessica Jones in particular has made many, many deviations from the source material. These are essentially new characters in new stories, and that’s fine. But I am always a little grumpy when adaptations blatantly disrespect their source material, and the plain fact is that the many Hellcat fans who waited and waited for Trish to get her superhero origin were given the middle finger this season.

    I have to assume that following seasons would have continued her journey. She is a major secondary protagonist, and with her mother dead and the very real consequences of Doing Heroing Wrong staring her in the face, her story would invite all kinds of further development and, hopefully, an actual, successful origin story. Jessica and Trish need each other, and I feel like that would remain true even now. I could see Jessica agonizing over what to do about Trish, considering breaking her out, deciding against it, drinking a bit… and then maybe Trish would get herself out. Or outside forces would intervene. Either way, I can’t imagine Trish would have spent the entirety of a hypothetical Season 4 locked up– and I suppose one upside of the cancellation is that we can imagine all kinds of scenarios from here to make ourselves feel better about the whole thing. 

[purkinje-effect]

The Anatomy of Melancholy, 53

Table of Contents. Second Instar, Chapter 20. Go to previous. Go to next. ...Or maybe not broken enough. TW: mental snap, description of sources of disfigurement and injuries.

____________________________

By the time ‘Choly had crossed the base grounds, G-7 had likely stood idle outside his rowhouse for upwards of half an hour. His new uniform hung gingerly in one of its tendril pincers, in two garment bags. Wheezing hard, he snatched it from the Mister Gutsy and thanked it with a pat on its tendril, then slouched up the porch stairs. Before he even got on the porch, the front door flew open, and Angel came out to try to help him inside.

“Oh, dear, Mister Carey, do forgive me--” He swatted the air angrily at it. “Mister Hawthorne refused to wait a moment longer, and I promised both you and Miss Francis that I wouldn’t leave him alone--”

“JACOB!” Snarling, he mounted the stairs, his head running hot. “What the FUCK was so important that you couldn’t wait on me fifteen GODDAMN minutes! Angel is my fucking WHEELCHAIR--”

Standing stupid in the doorway to his bedroom, ‘Choly stopped in his tracks. Dressed again in his longshoreman’s garb, Sticks sat on the end of the bed with the Vault 111 jumpsuit slung across his lap. The ghoul’s face was all screwed up in what could either have been a smile or a grimace. He sniveled, not looking up to ‘Choly.

“What kind of sick fucking joke is this?” Sticks’s voice cracked, rough enough to nearly sound underwater. Transfixed on the blood stains, his fingers tangled up in the stab hole in the front of the otherwise royal blue bodysuit. “I was right. You are haunting my stupid ass.”

‘Choly hung up the garment bags in the open closet and sat beside him to catch his breath. Unsure what to say, he sat wheezing for some time.

“Jesus Christ,” Sticks continued at a hush with a broken pitch bottomless glare, the grimace falling slack. “Those glasses. If it’s 2077 all over again, why am I still like this--?”

“Hey. Hey, stay with me.” ‘Choly tried to put a hand on Sticks’s, but the ghoul withdrew it and let his attention knot back up in the vault suit. “I got attacked by bloodbugs on the way up Route 3. One of them got me, just under the collarbone. Would have got me through the heart, if it hadn’t been for the surgical corset. If Angel hadn’t had its Nanny tendril and programming, it wouldn’t have been able to administer the Stimpaks it did. I-- You think I got shot in the chest, don’t you?” A weak, defeated laugh escaped him. He loosed his necktie and began to unbutton his dress shirt. “I can show you the scar it left. And I know Angel would hate to produce it, but I did keep the thing’s proboscis. A sort of trophy. Angel! Bring the bloodbug proboscis, will you?”

When Sticks was uninterested in entertaining the spectacle of ‘Choly’s scars, 'Choly got up from the bed and went into the open closet to change into his new uniform. He discarded the service uniform in the floor and put his Pip-Boy atop the chest of drawers, and stood there in his undershirt and underwear by the time Angel approached with the requested object. At first the robot offered it to its owner, but he urged it to hand the foot-long hollow structure to the ghoul instead. It also offered the deathclaw’s paw with tacit displeasure.

“Please tell me we’re not taking these with us,” it complained. “You really must rethink what you keep from the awful beasts that attack you.”

“How-- a deathclaw!” The desiccating clump of mostly bone fell in the floor rather into Sticks’s lap. He brandished the proboscis at him like a knife from where he sat. “No. No, there’s no way you’re standing in front of me alive.”

‘Choly was immune to the gesture, too absorbed in getting dressed again.

“You’re convinced I’m a ghost. Is that it? Maybe I am. It would explain a lot.”

‘Choly leaned nearer his reflection in the broken full-length mirror as he fastened the brass snaps of the high-collar charcoal shirt’s wide asymmetrical strapped placket. He adjusted how the piped edge sat around his neck. Already affixed was the colonel’s eagle. He straightened to scrutinize his transformation progress, and could only continue to wonder whether accepting the promotion was a mistake. Leaning against the frame of the closet door to steady himself, the matching slacks came next. He tucked in his shirt, then argued with his ammo case harness to get the belt through the loops and the suspenders in place. He dragged his combat boots over to the bed to sit and lace them up.

“I guess I’m just struggling with the reality,” Sticks admitted quietly, “that despite everything that’s happened to you, you could possibly still be alive. It’s my understanding that the majority of people who got into the vaults didn’t usually last more than a few years, for the variety of evil shit Vault-Tec did. Forgive me for having such a hard time imagining that you survived two centuries in one, and have somehow managed to keep from getting killed by the Commonwealth ever since, having to crash course it all first hand.”

“Didn’t do it alone.” He pointed at Angel, warming to a grin, and it brought him his Pip-Boy. He folded up his right sleeve and put it back on. “I had to repair Angel for a lot of reasons, you know. Damn if it’s not foolhardy as all abandon, though! You know raiders chopped off its one laser attachment, and even though it only had its saw and pincer, it still ran headlong toward that deathclaw to keep it from ripping up the settlers that the raiders had been trying to kill!”

“If I hadn’t done something, Mister Garvey would have had to contend with the monstrosity all on his own,” Angel stated humbly. “The power armor could have only done him so much good against something so large and so angry!”

“Settlers?” Sticks mumbled after a good moment, spacing out. “There’s settlers in Lexington? They’re not raiders?”

“One of them still fancies himself a Minuteman, if that means anything to you of their substance.” When the ghoul couldn’t help a bittersweet smile, ‘Choly chuckled and patted his knee. “All that happened in Concord, actually-- and they’re living in Sanctuary now, believe it or not!”

Any good humor fell right back out of the ghoul.

"You’re kidding me.”

“Serious. I told them the vault isn’t safe--and it’s not--but they’re--” ‘Choly’s mood soured in kind, himself haunted. “The old woman’s living in Jahani’s house. Jh-- Hhha--” He squinted tight, the words difficult as he tried to divorce his sense of self from what he was now wearing. “Why did the Gutsy earlier insist you’re not a civilian? Liv doesn’t seem especially against disclosing high-ranking military intel in front of you.”

“She hasn’t said anything around me I haven’t heard before,” the ghoul shrugged, unsure how to navigate the ghost seeming more distraught than he was. “And Deenwood doesn’t consider me a civilian because it still thinks of the Furriers as off-base reserve troops. And it considers me a Furrier. And a defector, too, I guess, if we’re being honest.”

Still in the fumes of recalling his ties to Jahani, ‘Choly got up from the bed to retrieve his remembrance poppies from the top of the chest of drawers in his closet, and leaned in the door frame to thread them onto the shirt he had on. He watched Sticks expectantly, hoping for elaboration. Sticks scrunched up his mouth to one side and decided to fold up the vault suit like he’d found it.

“I was the reason for the General’s last major meltdown. Fifty years ago, I nicked a Mark V Pip-Boy from the RobCo Towers. Thought if I had sophisticated enough tech, even I could hack my way on base. But I’m sure you remember that I am and always have been rubbish with computers. She caught onto me immediately. She hit Voire with a metric fuckton of Rad-I-Canned, and had me hunted down so she could throw me in a cell on base. Had my hand ripped off me, and she gutted my Pip-Boy and turned it into... this, as a way of guaranteeing that I couldn’t try to use it against her again.” He made a face at his glove prosthesis, and dropped his hands into his lap. “Still not totally sure how I managed to convince her not to experiment on me anymore than she did. But no, ‘Choly. I swear I wasn’t going through your shit. I had to come back here, and get Angel to start packing up so you wouldn’t lose anything important if she doesn’t let us back on base, and I was in here when it started packing up your closet, and--”

“Why don’t you think she’ll let us back on base?”

“--Because someone gave away the fact you and I knew each other prewar.” He couldn’t contain a glare toward Angel, who flinched in remorse. “I guarantee she suspects some kind of foul play. The fact she’s following through with your requests at all, as closely and correctly as she has, is suspect to say the least. Either she’s that desperate to keep you doing exactly what she wants you to do, or there’s something really, really wrong.” As ‘Choly fished the knee length white overcoat from the other garment bag and put it on, Sticks motioned for Angel to come back in the room from where it had withdrawn to the hall. “Angel, those are legit insignia things, right? You can scan ‘em and tell he’s Alan Carey? A colonel...?” He shuddered, haunted afresh. “Colonel. Good god almighty it just all comes so natural to you, doesn’t it.”

“Oh, yes, of course they’re genuine,” Angel reported, its ocular lenses combing over the nameplate, ribbon rack, and other various brass and silver insignias which all indicated his rank, branch, and tenure. “Though, I’m not certain as to the significance of this addition to your ribbon rack.”

‘Choly withdrew into the closet to conceal a snivel in adjusting his broad collar and fastening the buckling utility belt of the coat about his waist. It wasn’t that he was wearing a uniform--this was his uniform. He’d only had one commanding function during his last active duty, directing the administration and observation of the enlisted troops upon which Deenwood’s military chemists had experimented. But he wasn’t about to admit in the moment that his rank had never put him on the battlefield, and risk planting doubt in his ability to lead where he would need to.

“Please, do forgive me, gentlemen,” the robot continued, feeling like ‘Choly had been stewing in silence. “I don’t mean anything by it, that I refer to you as I was introduced to you. My programming was scripted before it was commonplace for people to change their last names, or omit using them altogether. I know it’s not just you, Mister Hawthorne, who’s nettled by it. Mister Carey can’t stand it either. Maybe it would be for the best, to permit Miss Francis to reset my imprint matrix.”

“She’s not touching your goddamn grey matter,” ‘Choly snapped, rolling his coat cuff as he had his shirt, and buttoning the first three covered buttons of its front. He slipped on the reinforced black leather gloves from its side pockets, and let out an agonized snarl as he punched out the closet mirror. Glass scattered all over the balding carpet. Breathing ragged, he turned in full posture to glare at Sticks. “And who do you think you are, to suppose what comes naturally to me?”

The ghoul shrank on the bed, unable to form a coherent response to the chemist’s apparent derangement. A knock came at the front door, and Angel excused itself to check on it.

“Was it a bad idea to encourage you into this?”

‘Choly’s head fell askew as his arms crossed his chest, incredulous.

“Too late to hesitate, don’t you think?”

“Miss Olivia is ready for us,” Angel reported, returning to the room. Its tendrils curled against its spherical body, recognizing the tension. “Let’s finish gathering the last of things so we can head out, shall we?”

“A fantastic idea,” ‘Choly agreed a little too sharply, despising the likelihood that, despite the duress and consequence of his transformation, today very will might be the last he’d ever step foot on the Deenwood Compound premises.

Go to Next »»»

[lizzytheauthor]

First Short Story

tw; suicide mention After a guy dies, before passing on he was given the option of returning to earth and becoming a guide to the gates of the afterlife, this is an exploration of that choice.

“Where am I?”

I ask the void, as if I’m expecting a response.

“You are dead, currently in-between space-time.”

“Who said that?!”

There is someone in this void?

“Don’t be afraid, little lost soul. I am a glorified Gatekeeper, call me George.”

“Ok, George. Why do I not remember anything?”

“Because I have wiped your memory. Its for the best, really. You had killed yourself. You don’t want to remember the details. I will restore your memory when it is less traumatic for you. For now, I’ll call you A.”

“Just a letter? Wait, why? What are you on about?”

“You will be…an employee of mine. To put it simply. I ignited something in you a little early cause you went and circumvented my plan for you. It’s ok, I forgive you for messing with my plan, but don’t do it again.”

“Uh-huh, sure. What’s this plan?”

“You don’t need that many details quite yet. What you will be doing is gathering souls like yours and delivering them to me. People that have killed themselves, that is. When I return you to earth, you will have a couple new skills and senses. Some I shall leave up to you to discover, others will come naturally. Think of yourself as Charon.”

“Who?”

“Not a history buff, eh? Ah well. Doesn’t matter. You will hear my voice in your head when I tell you where to go for the next soul, don’t be alarmed when it happens.”

“And what if I refuse? What if I don’t want to do this?”

“Well, you absolutely do, I know you. But if you didn’t, then I would just send you along to the afterlife. That is always an option available to you.”

“Ok, that sounds a little more reasonable. How long am I supposed to do this?”

“Until I don’t need you, or until you want to move on. That’s enough questions now. Try not to do anything stupid while you are down there, I have a reputation to uphold.”

Before I can even ponder what he means by that, there’s a flash of light and I’m in the middle of Time Square. “Ok, so you should be able to hear me like this.” Ah the inside my head thing, ok. That is a little freaky. “Yea, yea, the first soul should be landing next to you in a minute.” What, then why am I right here? “He’s going to run.” Why? “Why does anyone run? They are afraid. His name is Steve Freigh, he is leaving behind a wife, 4 kids, and a girlfriend. He is killing himself because he was just told that his boss found out about his embezzling, and he is going to go to prison.” Ok then, lemme get warmed up-

-THUD-

THAT IS GROSS. Ugh. I got some on me.

“What, why am I still here?”

That must be him.

“It is ok, everything is fine. You just gotta come with me and I”

“No, NO. YOU AREN’T TAKING ME TO PRISON! I CAN’T GO THERE!”

And he’s off. Time to chase, he is pretty fast for an embezzling business man. It’s strange, as I run I don’t feel like I’m losing any breath. Is this a perk to the job? Cutting through an alley is risky, it could be a, yep. Dead end.

“End of the line, dude.”

“What are you going to do to me?” “Nothing. You don’t have to keep hiding. You’re not going to prison. Just move on.” And with that he just fizzles into nothingness? Anticlimactic. This doesn’t seem like a hard job. I can do this.

“Alright, your next job.” Whoa, can’t get used to hearing voices. “This one is an older one. She pulled her own plug, she is leaving behind a massive family. She killed herself because she wanted to die on her terms, and she was already 93. She said she had her fill of life.” Well alright, at least she won’t run away from me.

This is the place? A mansion? Must have been nice. I wonder if I lived in a mansion when I was alive the first time. I feel like I had a small family. I’ll just walk in through the front door. “Uh, who are you?” Uh-oh. I can be seen? Shit.

“Uh, my car broke down a mile back, can I use your phone?”

I’m so thankful this mansion is in the middle of nowhere.

“Uh-huh. Sure. I don’t trust a person that just lets themselves into a place.” “Look, I was knocking for like 10 minutes, and this place looked deserted. I didn’t realise people were still living here, I’m sorry.”

Does this work?

“Look, just don’t kill us and we’re golden, here’s the landline.”

“Thanks man, I’ll be out of your hair in like, 5 minutes I promise.”

“Alright.”

Is he just gonna stand there? “Go on, make your call.” Oh no, he’s smart. Of course he wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Uh, do you mind if I just take this outside?” “Not at all, that’s just a $40 handset, so you won’t get much if you steal it.”

Ok, great. Now how do I get to the spirit?

“Hey, you seem to be figuring out your powers slower than the others.” There are others? “Yes, you can turn yourself into a spirit to go collect hers.” How? “You just have to feel it.” What does that even mean? Hello? Ok, on my own.

“This spirit took you way too long to acquire.” “Look, death dude, I’m trying my best.”

“A whole day to get a soul that didn’t even move.” “Look, figuring out how to feel to become a spirit is hard.”

“I had 3 other employees learn how to do it before you, and they became my employees after I told you what to do.”

“Just send me off to my next case already.” “You’re pretty gutsy talking to me like that. You’re next case is a young adult lady. She is leaving behind her boyfriend, her baby, and 2 cats.” “Ugh, I don’t like these parts. I like the part where they are happy.”

“She actually isn’t even doing it herself, she is killing herself because she is being mentally controlled by another person.” “Is there anything that we can do to stop that? It’s not fair to her!”

“She is part of the plan. I already intend on making her similar to you. Have no fear. Bring her to me, though.”

I don’t get why I have to bring them to him. I don’t even do anything, they just fizzle. Agh, that’s gruesome, I didn’t have to see that.

“Hey, is there a Lizzie, here?” “Are you the person who did this to me?”

“No, from what I’ve been told though, that person does get what’s coming to him.” “Then who are you?” “My name is A. I work for a person that would like to offer you a job. He might take your memory away though.” “I think I’d prefer that, anyway.”

Hm. I wonder...

“Your next case is a little heavy. A 13 year old kid this time. He is leaving behind a sister, a mom, a step mom, a dad, and a step dad. As well as about 5 close friends.”

“Can you tell me how, and why?”

“He hung himself from his ceiling fan, he had been battling depression since he was 4.”

“Ok.”

This one is in Jersey this time. I’ll teleport outside the house this time, last time didn’t go so well.

Ah, what a quaint house. I’ll just turn into a spirit real quick and head in. Hello normal humans, I will just let myself in. Don’t mind me, just floating around. Kitchen seems nice, very small house though.

“Hey George, where is he?”

“Who are you?” The voice moused out from down the stairs, got it.

“My name is A, what’s yours?”

“If we are going by letters, B.”

He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“I feel cold. I don’t want to be here anymore. Can you please take me away?”

“Of course. Do you have any questions?”

“Why don’t they love me?” “Ah, well I’m sure they do...”

“Why did I do to make them hate me so much? I tried so hard. I tried so hard to make everyone like me. I didn’t deserve to get hit.” Hit?

“Sometimes people in this world can be cruel. I’m so sorry you had to endure that.”

“It’s not fair! I never asked to be born! I didn’t do anything wrong. Why did I get punished?”

Oh no, I need to calm him down or it’s gonna get bad.

“Hey, everything is ok now. You aren’t going to be hurt by her anymore.”

I grab his hand, he bursts into tears.

“Why does nobody love me? All I wanted was to be happy. Why was that so wrong?”

“Let’s get out of here.”

Gotta get him out of here. Maybe he has a comfortable spot.

“Is there anywhere you’d like to see? Anywhere you’d like to be right now?”

Through tears he manages to get out, “I always wanted to see the world. I’ll never get a chance now.”

Regret. I really feel for the kid. I wonder if I’d be allowed to...Well, it’s easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.

“How about this, I won’t send you off quite yet. You can stick by me for a little bit, and we can see the world together. How does that sound? Just good old AB.”

“AB?”

“Yea, you said your name is B, right? Well together, we make one whole ab.”

That managed to get a small smile. What did these people do to him? Hey, George, is this alright? “It would be inhuman to say no. Have fun with a little vacation, but we have much work to do when you are done. You have one month.”

I promise that was the best month that kid ever saw.

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please know that you are not alone. There are resources for help:

Call 1-800-273-8255 – Suicide Hotline