#but it's just depressing when you finish an assignment and immediately have to go to sleep without doing fun stuff :(

[airenyah]

love sitting in front of assignments until 1:30 in the morning

[chaoticharrington]

Chapter Four: The Dungeon Master and Depression

***BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER THERE IS GOING TO BE SEX, HEAVY BDSM THEMES, AND OTHER GENERAL NSFW THINGS. IF YOU ARE A MINOR/A BLANK BLOG/ A BLOG WITH NO AGE PLEASE DO NOT INTEREACT! IF I SEE IT, I WILL BLOCK IMMEDIATELY! THANKS!<3***

Pairing: Professor! Steve Harrington x Best Friends Dad! Eddie Munson x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption, Steve needs a hug, sad Steve, Eddie being the literal sexiest man on the planet, daddy kink, spit kink, spanking, cum eating, squirting, bondage, masterbation, Dom! Eddie, dirty talk, pet names, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it folks), BDSM themes, Eddie and Steve are in their early to mid 40s and reader is in her mid 20s

Summary: Eddie shows you a side of him you haven't seen before and things with Steve take a turn for the worst

Authors Note: Hi yall, i just wanted to say thank you for all the love on this series so far, ive really enjoyed writing it! also im very nervy about posting this chapter bc the smut is intense! i prommy it wont always be this intense but anyways ENJOY :D 9k

**Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Five**

(banners and headers by @cafekitsune)

The next few days were spent mostly consoling Violet, she had made the decision to break up with Quinn. She didn’t trust them anymore and you didn’t blame her. You and Eddie took turns holding her when she cried or getting her to shower and eat food. It left little time for you and Eddie to spend time alone, never getting the chance to finish what you started after your date.

You could steal kisses here and there, but no heavy petting. It was driving you insane, it was like the universe was punishing you for dating your best friend’s dad.

After a few days she decided she needed to get out of Hawkins for a little while and went to spend a week at her mom’s. You made her promise to text her whenever she needed, and Eddie offered again to go over to talk to Quinn. She waved both of you off, reassuring you that she’d be fine. You drove her to the airport and off she went.

It made you feel guilty that you were so relieved that she had left, you felt like you were the worst best friend in the world. First dating her dad, and secondly happy she was leaving you after just having a brutal break-up.

What kind of friend are you?

You spent the next few days catching up on school, finally getting a chance to focus now that you didn’t have to worry about Violet as much. Not wanting to waste the very limited time the two of you had at Eddies, you spent the nights at his house covering the entire house in random textbooks and various versions of assignments. Sometimes the two of you would sit on the couch, he would watch tv while you studied, or you’d be in a chair out in the garage while Eddie played guitar and smoked. Or your favorite, cuddled up on his lap on his bed, Eddie silently reading a book and caressing the skin available to him.

It was perfect domestic bliss, he’d cook the two of you breakfast in the morning, and he’d come home to a homecooked meal in the evening. The only thing you were missing was his cock, mid terms were coming up and you were absolutely swamped. Spending all of your time that wasn’t spent at school, or working, was dedicated to more school. It was frying your brain.

Then one day you had finally had enough, another one of your professors had added another paper due on top of studying for all of your other exams. You had so many things you needed to get done before Thanksgiving you thought your head was going to explode.

You spent some time crying in your car that day, before walking up the driveway into Eddies house. Now a second home to you, you take off your shoes and head to Eddies bedroom and snuggling under the sheets, breathing in his scent. You hear Eddies familiar footsteps coming up the stairs into the bedroom the two of you basically shared.

“hey sweetpea-“ the rest of his greeting dying on his lips.

You feel him before you see him, he just slides into bed with you and holds you tightly against him. Then you lose it some more, crying into one of his pillows, just so stressed out. You needed all of it to go away, you didn’t want to think anymore.

He pushes the hair out of your face and wipes away your tears, “hey talk to me baby, what’s goin on? Hmm?” he questions, concern in his voice.

“It’s too much” you croak, turning over and nuzzling your face into his chest.

“Make it go away, please make it go away, my brain is so tired, I just need a break!” you sob harder into his embrace.

Eddie wrapped his arms around your body, protecting you from the outside world.

“I know baby, I know, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” he says calmly, leaving little kisses in your hair.

The two of you tangled up together in silence, just him touching your skin and you holding on to him for dear life. It stays like this for a few minutes. You can practically hear Eddies mind working a thousand miles a minute.

“... do you really want it to go away?” Eddie asks, almost a whisper.

You nodded feverishly into his chest, grabbing his shirt and pulling him impossibly closer to you.

“Please,” you whisper into his chest.

Eddie pulls the two of you apart so you can see his face, his eyes serious with anticipation. He caresses your cheek with his hand, running his thumb across your lips.

“I wanna show you something, you don’t have to say yes. But I think it might help.” He says, waiting for your answer.

You nod your head, ready to try anything to get your brain to calm down. He takes you by your hands, carefully getting you up and on your feet. Being so gentle with you, almost like he was afraid you’d break if he moved to quick or touched you too hard. Eddie led you down the stairs into the kitchen, right in front of the basement door.

He looked at you anxiously, you rarely if ever saw him anxious, it made your heart rate spike a little feeding off his nervous energy.

He opens the door and leads you down into the basement, immediately confused by Eddies immense anxiety. It’s just a basement, it had loads of Eddies DnD books nicely tucked away on bookshelves, a huge circular table in the middle with papers scattered all over it, and a bunch of props and miniatures that you assumed Eddie used for various DnD campaigns. Eddie meets you at the bottom of the stairs and puts his hand in yours, his eyes still timid.

“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess, I’ve been working on a new campaign.” He says while nervously scratching the back of his head. You squeeze his hand giving him some reassurance.

“Look, I know we haven’t been dating very long, but I really fucking like you. So just bear with me kay? I don’t wanna scare you off,” he states, fiddling with your fingers in his hands.

“You could never scare me off Eddie” you say plainly, having more admiration for him than almost anybody else.

With a sigh he guides you past all the DnD stuff into a hidden black door under the stairs, the door locked with a key padlock.

Eddie grabs a key off a chain that’s on his neck that he wears every day, you always thought it was just for decoration and not practical use. He turns the key into the lock and leads you into a dark room and turns on the light.

It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the room, not really sure what you’re seeing. The walls are blood red, various toys, whips, paddles, and a saint Andrews cross leaning in the corner between two walls. At the center of the room was a bed with black satin sheets, with a black bed frame with various hooks and chains attached to it.

You look at Eddie in surprise, you didn’t expect him to have a whole fucking sex dungeon in his basement. You were impressed, you usually only read about stuff like this in your books. Never thinking that you’d actually get to experience it in real life.

“This is uh, welcome to my dungeon” he says, grandiosely waving his hands to show off the room, chuckling nervously to himself. You smile lightly at him, still your goofy Eddie.

“You can totally tell me to fuck off, and we don’t ever have to talk about this ever again, scouts honor. I just.. I thought maybe because of the books you like to read. Maybe we had uhm similar interests,” he says, closing the door behind the two of you.

You’re still in awe of what you see before you, finding something new to look at every second, you start to feel yourself getting excited. The anxiety melting away the longer you were in this room, like it was magic.

“Please say something, anything, you’re killin’ me here darlin,” he says, pulling your hand to his lips, leaving tiny kisses in their wake.

You walk farther into the room, dusting your fingers along the various toys and instruments on the wall. Eddie follows suit, rubbing his arms up and down your shoulders while you look. You turn around and wrap your arms around his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. He looks at you hungrily, waiting for your next move, you’ve never wanted him more.

“Turn off my brain Eds, please,” you beg, putting on your prettiest doe eyes.

Eddie curses under his breath and shakes his head trying to concentrate. He hugs you tightly as a thank you that you didn’t run out of the room kicking and screaming. He sits the two of you on a bench at the foot of the bed, holding your hands in his.

“Alright sweetness, I gotta lay down a few rules before we play, okay?” He says, clearly in his element. You nod, understanding what he means. Being familiar with the world of BDSM, but never getting to act on it before.

“First things first, safe words, If I ask you for your color, you respond with Green, Yellow, or Red. Green meaning you’re okay mentally and physically and I can keep going. Yellow meaning that you’re reaching your limit and I need to check in with you. Red meaning stop, you say this word and whatever scene we are doing will stop immediately and we will go into aftercare. I want you to feel safe during every single part of this, so don’t be afraid to stop a scene, okay? This is supposed to be fun for the both of us. Ya with me so far?” He smiles lightly trying to keep the tension light but letting know that he means business.

“With ya Eds,” you say with a nod of your head.

You can practically hear his heart swelling with pride. He continues to go through some more safety rules, what to do if you’re bound or gagged and can’t say a safe word. He goes through some walk throughs of what some of the various toys do, to see what piques your interest. He asks you if you know any of your hard or soft limits, you give him some basic ones, open to a lot considering you didn’t have a ton of real life experience in this department. You were starting to get a little nervous, hoping that you would live up to Eddies expectations.

He senses the panic inside you and squeezes your hands. “Don’t worry okay? You agreeing to try this with me is already a dream come true, I just want to help you feel better, help you let go.” He says sweetly.

You take a deep breath and lean back into him on the bench. He rubs his hands soothingly up and down your arms and then around your waist, tugging up the bottom of your shirt and lifting it over your head, and does the same with your leggings. He has you stand in front of him, leaving you in only your bra and underwear, your skin erupting in goosebumps when it hits the cold air.

“Beautiful,” he says breathlessly, his eyes scanning over every inch of your body. You look at him, you can see his cock already stiffening in the confines of his pants.

“Bend over for me baby,” he commands. Situating you over his lap, ass in the air, making your thoughts immediately cloud with want. You had never been in such a compromising position before and you loved it, showing yourself off to him.

“I’ll start slow, remember, any time you need to stop just say red and I’ll stop okay?” he reminds you one last time before he starts.

He readies you by palming each of your cheeks with his hands, increasing the pressure with each touch. You can already feel the heat rising in your body, your legs squirming together trying to find any sort of friction. Eddie seeing your desperation grabs your legs forcing them apart with his leg.

“You’re so fuckin cute, you’ll learn,” he warns, earning you a light slap across your left check. You gasp not expecting it, making your eyes roll back in pleasure, grinding your hips against Eddie’s clothed legs.

Two more light slaps come down on each cheek, eliciting a whimper from your lips, your hips grinding up wanting more. You can feel his length twitch underneath you with every smack, and your wetness seeping into your panties, you’d never been this desperate in your life.

“What’s your color princess, you doin okay?” he questions, genuine concern in his voice that makes your heart swell.

“Green Eds, m’ good,” you say hazily, your mind starting to cloud over.

With that confirmation he slowly increases the intensity of each slap, switching between your two cheeks. It only made you whimper louder, wanting even more. The slaps were now punishing, surely your cheeks bright pink from the abuse. You were surprised, you never thought something like this would feel so good. But you couldn’t help it, your panties now completely soaked through.

“You like that, you like when I hurt you?” he says, leaning into the shell of your ear, sending shivers down your spine.  You nod wildly, not trusting your words.

You hear Eddie click his tongue, “Nuh uh pretty girl, down here you gotta use your words. Now I’m gonna ask again, you like it when I hurt you?” he demands, landing two more harsh slaps against your bottom.

“Yes, yes Eddie I like when you hurt me” you say desperately. Your body buzzing, every cell screaming with need. Your mind thinking of only him and the pain he gives you, mind completely blank.

“Good girl baby, doin such a good job” he praises, you smile at his praise, sinking further and further away from all the worries that had bothered you not a half hour ago.

He lands an especially mean slap on your right cheek pulling a loud moan out of your mouth, you can hear Eddies laugh vibrate through his chest.

“Fuck look at you baby, taking everything I give you. You’re my little pain slut aren’t you?” he mocks, tutting and rubbing at your now very red ass.

“Mhmm” you mutter brainlessly, trying to push your legs together, your clit on fire with need.

“Words pretty girl, I need words, that’s your last warning before you regret it,” he warns, gifting you another brutal slap.

“Y-yes, your pain slut, all yours,” you babble pathetically, desperate tears begging to spill from your eyes.

“Fuck me, yeah you are, C’mere let me look at you, get on your knees f’me” he says breathlessly, helping you off his lap and down between his legs. You lay your head against one of his knees, looking up at him between your eyelashes.

He brushes his hand across your cheek, rubbing your lips with his thumb. In your brainless state you allow his thumb into your mouth sucking on it while maintaining eye contact. You felt so free, knowing that he was going to take care of you, that you didn’t have to think anymore, giving up control gave your brain freedom that you wouldn’t have otherwise.

“Perfect” he utters, barely above a whisper, mesmerized by the way your mouth was sucking his thumb in, swirling the tip of his thumb with your tongue. Wanting more than just his thumb you tug on his pants and belt with your hand, but it wasn’t your turn to be in control. Eddie pulls the bottom of your chin up, straining your neck to meet his demand.

He pinches your cheeks together, forcing your mouth open wider. He takes his thumb out of your mouth replacing it with his pointer and middle fingers, seeing how deep you can put them down your throat. While maintaining eye contact, you suck his fingers all the way to the back of your throat until you choke lightly on them.

“You look so pretty with your mouth all full” he says as he leans down to leave a kiss on the side of your very full mouth.

All the praise becoming too much, squirming aimlessly in the air, whimpering around Eddies fingers. He seems to get a kick out of your desperation, cursing under his breath. All made more apparent by his very hard cock outlined in his pants.

“Alright sweet thing, climb up on the bed for me” he commands, tapping the silk sheets on the bed. You do as your told, meanwhile Eddie removes his shirt, belt, and pants. You look at him hungrily, with the playing field now level.

He sits down onto the bed next to you, pulling you into a deep kiss. Your bodies melt together, his hands everywhere, grabbing every inch of you. The two of you relax onto the bed, letting him kiss and nip and your skin, slowly taking off your bra and panties until you were completely bare in front of him.

He pulls your legs apart, not allowing you to hide any part of yourself from him. You were embarrassed by how wet you had gotten just from that act alone, he barely touched you.

Eddie curses under his breath, pulling apart your folds to see you dripping down your thighs.

“My needy needy girl”, he coos, dipping one of his fingers into your entrance, gathering some of your release on his fingers. He brings it up to your mouth, you suck in his fingers eagerly, wanting to please. Your release taste tangy and sweet, you moan around his fingers at the dirty act. Dipping his fingers back at your entrance, taking some of your release for himself, moaning around his fingers.

Focusing his attention back on you, he straddles you and puts your hands above your head and kisses you deeply. You feel him grind against your core making you buck up against him. Your groans filling the room, the tension becoming too much to bear.

“Need you eds, please,” you beg, the pressure between your legs driving you insane. That’s the only confirmation Eddie needed before taking his boxers off, sliding his throbbing cock in between your soaked folds. You wrap your legs around his back, pushing him harder against you.

He lines up his cock up to your entrance and slowly pushes in, his length pushing up against your cervix as he bottoms out. You whine, biting down on his shoulder, provoking a curse from his mouth.

“Color baby?” he asks breathlessly against your skin.

“Green Eds, really fucking green,” you grin against his shoulder, kissing the tattoo along his jaw.

Your words, diminishing the last of his resolve as he starts to thrust in and out of your heat slowly. Your eyes glass over, the pleasure being too much, you had never been so full. Not even your dildo doing half as much as Eddies cock.

“Shit, your pussy was fucking made for me, made to take my fucking cock,” he growls, biting down on a part of your neck, trying to contain his groans and whines.

You dig your claws into his back, wishing him deeper inside of you. Eddie using that as an okay to go faster, he grabs an edge of the bed frame for leverage. The wet sounds of his cock entering you drowning out your whimpers and moans.

“Uh, uh, uh, oh, fuuuckk E-eddie” you wail, your eyes rolling back and your mouth falling open.

“You like that baby, you like it when I fuck you like the little slut you are? All you needed was a few slaps on your ass for you do go dumb huh?” he mocks, pistoning harder into your core.

“Yes, yes I fucking love it, more please,” you beg, you wanted to see how much more you could handle, the pleasure building between your legs.

Eddie takes one of his hands off the bed frame, cupping the sides of your jaw with his hand.

“Open,” he demands. You obey, all rational thoughts gone long ago. Taking the opportunity, he spits sloppily into your mouth, you swallow and take what he gives your greedily.

“Atta girl, doing what your told” he sighs proudly, going back to concentrating rocking his hips against yours with vigor. You could feel yourself getting close, all of it becoming too much, the fucking, the slapping, the dirty talk, it was all perfect. You were plummeting quickly to your release, your walls spasming in anticipation.

“If you keep squeezing me like that m’ not gonna last much longer,” he confesses, leaving little kisses on your neck.

“Eds- I- fuck- I’m gonna cum- please cum in me please, need your cum,” you beg, feeling your release threatening to take over.

“Fuck,” he curses, you can feel his pace getting sloppier, fucking you through your release. Your legs shaking, mouth open in a silent scream, eyes glazed over, having the biggest orgasm you’ve ever had in your life.

Your walls clamp down on Eddie, not lasting much longer after you, spilling his seed into your waiting center. You feel his release spill out onto your thighs and sheets.

“Please tell me you’re on the pill” he mutters into your chest, sweat covering both of your bodies. You giggle and caress his hair, playing with his dark brown and greying curls.

“Yeah, ‘m on the pill,” you confirm, leaving a kiss at the top of his head. Eddie sighs thankfully on your chest, followed by a few minutes of silence from the two of you. Basking in each others after sex glow, gentle touches and light kisses.

You stay cuddled up for a while, neither of you wanted to go back to reality. The basement was like your safe place, where both of you could let go, like really let go. He saw things in you today that up until now, you had never let anyone see that side of you. He allowed you the same, taking down his walls showing you everything he had to offer.

He showed that he really cared about you, that he could take care of you even when your brain was against you. That was something you had never had before, someone who knew you and cared about you enough to help you fight the endless battles in your brain. You swore to yourself right there that you’d help him fight his battles too.

After a while he got up and got you a glass of water and a warm washcloth to help wipe you off. Your center still sensitive from your previous activities. Eddie was gentle, taking his time, making sure you were physically okay. He even put cream on your sore, soon to be bruised ass, after many many kisses that made you blush.

His teddy bear eyes looking into yours, while the two of you lay naked in bed, him painting circles on your face.

“How’s your head now baby? Better?” he asked hopeful. Tears form at the tips of your eyes, you nod your head vigorously. Your tears making Eddies eyes fill with concern.

“What baby? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” he asks soothingly.

You shake your head, trying to find the words for what you were feeling. “No no I’m fine, I’m just.. happy. My brain is so quiet, I can’t remember the last time my brain was so quiet.” You sob into Eddies chest, pulling him closer into you. He wraps his arms around you and shushes your tears, wiping them from your face leaving little kisses in their wake.

“It’s okay baby, I’m here, I gotcha” he says, comforting you with more kisses, squeezing you tighter against him. The two of you spend the rest of the night down in the basement, eventually falling asleep in each other’s arms, completely content.

When you wake up the following morning, you are still wrapped up in each other’s arms, Eddie still lightly snoring. You take this time to really take him in, his beautiful chocolate brown eyes, the laugh lines around his lips, his lips so pink and plush, the light wrinkles around his eyes, the dark curly brown hair that falls in front of his face, you didn’t know how you got so lucky. Not only is Eddie quite literally the sweetest man you had ever met in your life, but he’s also the most handsome.

You snuggle back into him, basking in his embrace. A little while later he wakes from sleep, stretching out, allowing you to get up and go to the bathroom.

“Hey little missy where do you think you’re goin?” he asks, pouting in bed patting the space where you were previously occupying.

“Just gotta pee,” you whisper, hoping maybe he will fall back asleep, but Eddie is stubborn.

“Just hold it, come back and cuddle,” he whines. You chuckle and kiss the top of his head before putting on his Metallica t shirt and heading out the door and up the stairs to the kitchen. You walk into the downstairs bathroom and gasp at the state you were left in. You still had mascara smudges under your eyes from crying and cumming, your hair was sticking up every which way, you looked a mess. And yet the beautiful man downstairs still wanted you, lucky you.

After you clean up a little and comb through your hair, you head to the kitchen to grab the two of you something to eat. You hear the basement door open, and the man you were just thinking about emerges, wearing only his boxers.

“I get to fuck the girl of my dreams AND she made me breakfast, I can die a happy man,” he remarks, enveloping you into a passionate kiss. You giggle against him, still not used how much he likes you.

“And you’re wearing my shirt,” he comments, taking a handful of your ass in each hand making you hiss, your butt still sore from the beating it received the day before.

“Just wanna touch base, everything yesterday was okay right? It wasn’t exactly what I picture our first time to be like but, I don’t regret it. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, definitely did not disappoint,” he expresses.

“It was better than I could’ve imagined Ed, really. You were beautiful.” You confess, going on your tippy toes to steal a kiss from him.

The two of you spend the rest of the morning cuddled up on the couch eating breakfast, before you had to part ways. You had classes most of the day and Eddie had to go into the office for work.

Leaving Eddie was the hardest part of any day, but especially today. You had Steves class today, you always dreaded going after everything went down between the two of you. You wished to stay here forever.

The two of you share way too many last kisses before the two of you leave his house in your respective cars. You needed to go to your apartment before class to change, and then Sociology 101.

You waited as long as you possibly could before going into the classroom, you’ve started a routine of avoiding Steve as much as humanly possible. But when you entered the class, instead of being met by Steves sad eyes, you were met by a balding older man with grey hair. You look around at the rest of the class as you make your way to your seat, they also seem equally as confused as you. The man in the front of the class introduces himself as Professor McCarthy, he explained that he was going to take over for Steve for the time being.

“Where is Professor Harrington?” The girl who sits behind you asks, a slight whine in her voice.

“He has taken a seemingly well-deserved sabbatical,” Professor McCarthy confesses with zero empathy in his voice.

You can barely pay attention during class, your thoughts swimming threatening to drown you.

Why did he leave?

Was it because of you?

Does Robin know?

Was he forced to take a leave?

Did people find out about the two of you?   

You hated to admit it, but a small part of your brain was trying to say something. Loud enough for you to hear it through the madness.

Is he okay?

You didn’t know why, but you still cared about Steve. Even though he hurt you, you wanted to know he was alright. After so many weeks of getting to know him, you knew how much being a teacher meant to him. You knew how passionate he is about the subject he teaches; it worried you that he could just leave. It had to mean something was really wrong.

The rest of the class goes by in a blur, the new professors voice conveniently very easy to drone out. You were the first one to leave the room once class was over. Speed walking down the hall, heading to the only place you knew you’d find answers.

You knock on the door to Robins office, hoping that she was in today.

“Come in!” she calls out.

She looks startled when she sees you standing in her doorway, expecting to see a student with questions about an assignment.

“Uh, hi.” You say awkwardly, still standing in the doorway.

“Hey Y/N, come in, why don’t you sit down,” she offers kindly, already knowing why you’re here.

“Where is he?” you ask bluntly.

Robin sighs before answering, her eyes moving, trying to think of the best way to explain it to you.

“He just needed a break, and the board allowed it,” she says plainly

“I wanna talk to him,” you confess, words leaving your mouth before you could think. Yes, you were upset with Steve, definitely hurt. But that doesn’t mean that you wanted him to leave his job, the both of you are adults. You feel guilty, like you’re the reason he left, and you needed closure.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea honey,” Robin says empathetically.

Your heart drops.

“Please? At least think about it, okay? I’m not mad anymore, I just, I wanna make sure he’s okay,” you admit, hoping to clear the air.

Robin nods and promises that she’ll think about it, but she didn’t seem very convincing. The following days after, dragged on, still piled high with homework. Made worse now because your new sociology professor is the worst, he talked too fast and without any tone in his voice, you caught a few students falling asleep in his class, it was that bad.

Eddie helped a lot, staying over at your house some nights to cuddle up with you after staring at your computer screen for hours on end. You felt guilty that you were so worried about Steve, when you had the perfect man in front of you. You convinced yourself it was just guilt, you just wanted to make sure he’s okay.

Then you got lucky, one morning when you walked into Robins classroom, where you usually sat was a note.

“Here’s his number, don’t make me regret it.” Was etched into the paper.

Your heart flutters in anticipation as hope fills your chest. You spend time after class thinking about the right thing to say, do you text him? Do you call him? You decide on a text, thinking a text is less daunting than calling him.

“Hey Steve, its Y/N. heard about ur sabbatical, hope ur okay” Not really sure what to say, your finger hovers over the send button for a few seconds before you send it. Immediately followed by you throwing your phone across the room.

What the fuck are you doing?

You spend the next couple of hours on your laptop doing your homework, sneaking peaks at your phone, triple checking that you hadn’t missed any messages from Steve. You reasoned with yourself that he might be on vacation or at least just busy. You try to get out of your head and focus on your homework.

The next few days you spent checking your phone every once in awhile looking for a text from Steve that hadn’t come. You were starting to get anxious, even a little worried. The semester was coming to a close, all your assignments turned in and only one mid term left to take. You had come to terms with the idea that Steve just wasn’t going to text you back, he didn’t owe you anything, I guess you’d just have to find closure on your own.

Until one afternoon, the day before thanksgiving, you get a text.

“I miss u”

You stare at your phone, double checking that the text was coming from the right number, Steve’s number. Concern floods your system, this is unlike him.

“Steve? R u okay?”

“I meszed it all up Y/N, im sry”

You’re heart now threatening to beat out of your chest, something was wrong, really wrong. You’re old enough to know when you’re getting a drunk text, what if he was out somewhere alone in this state? You needed to make sure he was okay, or at least somewhere safe.

“Steve tell me where u are, r u safe?”

“Come overrr” is all that is written, followed by a ping to an address. You grab your keys and your coat without a second thought. You get in your car and drive faster than what was probably safe, thoughts only on Steve.

When you finally get to the address, it takes you to a huge house on the outside of town. You let yourself through the gate and park in the huge driveway. You knock on the front door, it squeaks open lightly, you take deep breath and let yourself in. The house is massive, like really big, like old money big. The place is so big, you wander around for a little while searching the various extravagant rooms on the first floor until you find Steve in what you assume is the study.

He's slumped over onto his desk, his hand holding a fancy glass filled with amber liquid. You knock on the side of the door, jostling Steve from his drunk stupor.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” his words slightly slurred.

“Uh, you texted me, you gave me this address,” you feel your heart drop into your stomach, you knew this was a bad idea.

You see Steve’s bloodshot eyes search for the memory of sending you his address, raking his hands through his hair. Steve looked like he hadn’t taken care of himself for awhile, stains all over t-shirt and sweatpants. Your heart ached seeing him this way, guilt washed over you like a tsunami. This entire time you were thinking about yourself and your own closure, and not about the clearly broken man sitting before you.

“This was a mistake, I should go,” you admit before turning in the doorway to leave the way you came in.  

“No, p-please wait! I- fuck everything is so fucked up I don’t know what to do anymore. Just stay.” He looks up at you through his glassy red eyes, begging you to stay.

You decide to stay, you step closer to his desk to get a better look at the state he’s in. He probably hasn’t showered in days, and he reeked of alcohol.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” is all you can think to say, you can’t stand to see him this way any longer.

Steve allows you to get him up and out of the chair, the two of you half stumble while he shows you how to get to the master bathroom. You help him get out of his clothes until he’s left in just his boxers, you do your best not to stare. Even in the state he’s in, you still fought the urge to drool at the sight of him. You turn on the hot water, and look at him sitting on the toilet almost completely naked.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he mumbles groggily.

You suck in a deep breath and let it out harshly, you had always known that. If you knew anything about Steve Harrington, you know that he couldn’t hurt a fly. But you couldn’t believe anything he was saying right now. He was still drunk, and you didn’t know how he was going to feel once he sobered up.

“Why don’t you get in the shower, and we can talk once you’re out, okay?” you reassure him, leaving the room to give him space.

His bedroom was a mess, clothes and random liquor bottles everywhere, you tidy it up the best you can before making your way back downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen is huge, meant for a chef or someone who really likes to cook. But instead, you see containers of take out and microwave dinners piled in the over flowing garbage and more dishes crowding in the sink. You take out the garbage and do the dishes.

By the time you’re finishing up the dishes you hear footsteps pattering into the kitchen.

“Hi” he says meekly.

“Hi” you reply, placing the last dish into the dishwasher.

He stands next to you, one hand on the counter and one hand on his hip, trying to think of what to say. He opens and closes his mouth, but nothing comes out.

“It’s fine really Steve, I’m happy to help,” you confess, turning your body to face him.

Steve looks down at his hands, when he looks back up at you, fresh tears have formed on his lash line.

“I’m the worst, aren’t I?” he questions, his voice breaking.

Your heart broke with him, “No Steve, you’re not the worst. At little messed up, definitely. But far from the worst.”

He looks at you gratefully before he continues speaking.

“I- I thought you hated me. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t know how I screwed things up so badly. I’m sorry I brought you all the way out here. I just... fuck I just missed you Y/N,” he babbles, his tears now flowing down his face in little streams.

You walk a few steps closer to him, not trusting yourself to touch him.

Eddie, remember Eddie.

“I don’t hate you Steve, I could never hate you. I was just hurt and confused. Honestly, I still am hurt and confused, I just. I couldn’t bear the thought of you not teaching or being upset because of me. That’s why I came,” you reassure him, hoping your eyes show him the rest. That you do care for him, and want him to be okay.

Steve nods, mulling over your words, wiping his eyes. Then you hear some buzzing on the marble kitchen counter. Steve’s phone goes off, he looks at his phone and answers it immediately. You can hear Robins worried voice on the other end of the phone anxiously babbling questions off at him. You felt good knowing that even if you weren’t in Steves life, he still had Robin.

“No, ugh Rob I’m fine, please you don’t need to come and check on me.”

“Yes, I’ve showered. NO! Don’t bring Nancy, I don’t want her to see me like this.” He rubs his forehead, probably nursing a headache.

Steve hangs up the phone and looks at you.

“Uhm, Rob is coming over, and.. you probably shouldn’t be here when she gets here” he says awkwardly, he looks like he has more to say but decided against it.

You nod your head in understanding. Steve walks you to the front door, thanks you a million more times before waving you off as you get in your car and drive away.

You pull of on the side of the road, a few blocks from Steves place. You put your arms around the steering wheel, thinking about what just happened.

He is just a friend, someone you care about who needed your help.

You shake your head out of your thoughts and head back to your apartment. As you pull into the parking lot your phone dings, you park your car and look at the notification lighting up your phone screen.

“Come over stinky butt 🍑”

You smile at your phone, of course it’s Eddie, the one who makes you feel safe. The one you don’t have to take care of or worry about, your rock. You put your car in reverse, and drive towards Eddies house. The closer you get to Eddies house, the more every loud thought of Steve was quieting to a whisper, you sigh in relief.

“Vi?!” you say cautiously, a routine you were now used to.

Eddie pokes his head out of the kitchen, “Just me babe” a smile plastered across his face. You smile back and head into the kitchen, only to immediately be scooped up into a hug and lifted off your feet. You breathe in Eddies scent, allowing it to ground you back into your reality.

“Mmm missed you,” Eddie murmurs in between kisses. You wrap your arms around his waist, deepening the kiss.

“Missed you too Eds,” Eddie groans against you, pushing you against the counter.

The two of you kiss some more, allowing yourselves to get lost in each other. When you finally pull back you look into Eddies eyes, they just seem tired. You cup your hand around his face, and his cups your hand with his; grateful for the affection.

“Can I show you something?” he asks, only admiration in his eyes. You kiss him as a yes, and let him guide you back down into the basement. You stomach doing flips remembering the last time the two of you spent time down here. But this time he leads you into the main room. The circular table previously covered in random campaign research, now completely clean except for two stacks of paper in front a chair at the head of the table.

He pulls back the chair, next to the head and ushers you into it. You sit down, looking at him inquisitively. He sits down at the head of the table, clearing his voice before he speaks.

“So, the other day, I really liked seeing that side of you. And I wanted to know if you felt the same way, and if maybe you wanted to do it again,” he confesses, searching for the answer in your eyes. His gaze lights a fire in your belly, and a growing ache between your legs, remember the previous activities down here.

You bite your lip and look at him, trying to find the right words, “I’d like that a lot, I like when you take control,” you confide in him, nudging your leg against his under the table. Eddie takes in a deep breath before speaking again, “I just wanted to go over some more safety stuff, if we are going to really do this, and not have it be a one time thing,” handing you one of the stacks of paper in front of him.

He goes onto explain to you that this is not a contract, but more of a mostly complete list of limits that he wanted the two of you to fill out before playing again. He clarifies that the reason for this is so that neither of you ever accidently make the other feel uncomfortable during a scene. Your eyes looking over the papers curiously, overwhelmed by all the different things listed. He had to explain a few of them to you, him being more experienced than you were. You could feel the tension in the room heating up, and your panties dampening.

Finally, you’re on the last page, your knee bouncing up and down in anticipation.

“Where is Violet?” you ask, a little bit too much excitement in your voice. You see his eyes darken and a smirk splay across his lips.

“She’s working night shift” he says grabbing your chair and bringing it closer to his side, grabbing your thigh harshly.

You let out a shaky breath, you needed this, him. You go to put your hand around his neck to pull him into a kiss, but he grabs your wrist.

“Finish what I’ve asked of you pretty girl” leaving a kiss at the shell of your, evoking goosebumps across your skin.

You swallow hard, all the moisture gone from your mouth. You look back down on the paper, finishing it as fast at you can before looking back up at him for more instructions.

“Good job baby, I’m proud of you. You follow instructions so well” he praises, leaving a light kiss on your cheek. He pulls his eyes away from you for a bit, looking through all of your limits or things you are willing to try. You take this time to do the same with him, shocked by a few things, but even more turned on. Once you’re done reading you look up to see him staring at you hungrily.

“Ready to play sweet thing?” he says, pupils blown in lust.

“Ready,” you say breathlessly, willing air into your lungs.

“One more thing before we start, I like Daddy and Master, just so you know,” he winks at you, and it takes everything in you to stop your knees from buckling.

He takes you by your hand and walks with you to the secret door under the stairs. Your body buzzing, wanting to touch the man in front of you anywhere and everywhere. He opens the door and lets the two of you in. Once the door is closed, he envelops you into a deep kiss, you whimper at his lips on yours.

“Mm fuck, I love your little noises” he hisses, lifting you up by your legs and guiding you to wrap them around his waist. He sits down on the bed, leaving you to straddle his waist. The sheets were changed since you were here last, now a silky maroon color. You take the opportunity to grind your hips down on his lap while he grabs at the skin available to him, the two of you moaning into each other’s mouths. His lips tasting like the last cigarette he smoked, chasing his tongue with yours. You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, the way his bulge was rubbing against your clit could make you cum right now with how worked up you are. You moan a little louder into Eddies mouth, making him pull back and look at your already fucked out expression.

“Look at you baby, already so desperate” he teases, lifting you off of him for a second to slide your leggings and panties off. He guides you back onto his lap, situating his fingers at your center, swiping them through your folds. Lifting his hands up to find them glistening with your juices.

“And already so fucking wet, such a needy little slut” he says, sticking his fingers into his mouth. You go back to grinding your hips against his bulge, not being able to help yourself, your clit aching with need.

Eddie stills your hips with his hand, grabbing at your ass and tits roughly before taking off your shirt, leaving you naked except your bra. Eddie takes this time to kiss all the skin newly available to him. You moan loudly into the open room, trying your best to obey and not rock your hips against his.

This task became harder and harder the longer his lips were on yours, kissing that spot on your neck that you like, nipping at your lips, kissing your newly exposed nipples. It was all too much, you grind your hips into his without thinking, and that’s when he swiftly turns the turns the two of you over. You can feel the silk sheets against your back, and his hands on your hips. You whine in protest, trying to rock your hips into his once more.

“Awe, my girl just can’t stay still huh? I can help with that,” He taunts, leaving you to lay on the bed, going into the little nightstand on the side of the bed.

He comes back into view holding leather cuffs in his hands, and a sinister look on your face. He takes his time kissing each of your wrists before helping you into the cuffs, doing the same thing with your ankles. You take a look at your wrists, now partially covered by the leather material, it was tight but not too tight. You feel Eddie move around you before grabbing one of your wrists in his hand lightly hearing a clicking sound as he lays it back down on the bed. You go to pick up your wrist again, realizing you can’t. You look at the head of the bed to see your cuff connected to a restraint in the frame. He continues to do the same thing with your other wrist and both of your ankles.

His stare could bore holes into skin the way that it heated you up from the inside. You struggle lightly against the restraints, trying to test how much movement you had in each limb, which wasn’t much. He sits next to you on the bed, palming your face in one of his hands.

“Color baby?” he questions.

“Green!” you say brightly, excited for the adventure ahead of you.

“Doin’ so good for me” he coos, and then his touch is gone and he’s somewhere in the room. You can hear random rustling but you can’t lift up your head enough to see what he’s grabbing.

He comes back next to you seemingly empty handed, and then he lifts up his hands to you to show you his haul. He has a single black die in his one hand, and a vibrating wand in the other.

“So, we’re gonna play a little game, I’m going to roll the dice. Whatever number the dice lands on, is how many times you have to edge until I let you cum.” He says, he usually chocolate brown eyes now almost black with lust.

You lick your lips and think about how to respond, “Y-yes Daddy” you utter, your face heating up at the new pet name. You hear Eddie curse under his breath. He rolls the die next to your head on the nightstand and chuckles. His face coming close to yours with a wicked grin on his face.

“Can you handle three, angel?” he snickers, leaving kisses along your jaw line, nipping lightly. You nod hurriedly, wanting to be good for the man above you. With that he kisses you deeply one more time before spreading your legs, your dripping core on display for him to see.

You watch him spit messily on the wand and then once more on your heat, spreading it generously on your clit. You hiss at the contact, bucking your hips up slightly wanting more. You hear the hum of the vibrator as Eddie turns it on low, your body full of anticipation, waiting for any sort of pleasure. That’s when you feel it, the low vibration against your clit. You squirm against it at first, wanting more already.

Eddie chuckles lowly above you, “I should call you my little bunny by how much you move, would you like that sweetness? To be my little bunny?” he taunts, turning up the vibration higher, pulling a moan from your lips.

“Yes daddy, wanna be your bunny, your good little bunny” you writhe against the restraints. He rewards you by turning up the vibrator another notch, the pressure quickly building in your stomach.

You writhe against the restraints as the pressure becomes too much, coming it waves, so close to sending you over the edge. And then it’s gone, the vibration still audible in the room but you can no longer feel it. You groan in frustration, you were so fucking close.

“Two more baby, then you can cum” he reassures you. He takes this time, to let the fire inside you simmer. He takes off his shirt and his pants, leaving him in only his boxers. You see him palming himself, you bite your lip, wanting nothing more than to worship his cock.

You feel the vibration once again but this time instead of starting out slow, the vibration knocks the wind out of you. Your clit screaming at you for release, the coil inside you already winding tighter and tigher, your curl your toes, willing yourself not to cum. Then the sensation is gone once again, your body now covered in sweat from being so close twice now, your chest heaving heavily up and down.

“You’re doin so good bunny, just one more for me, kay? Still green?” he asks.

You nod your head not trusting your words, whimpers coming out instead. Eddie takes off his boxers, showing off his now very erect and hard cock, making your mouth water. Stroking it a few times before lining it up with your mouth.

“Spit Bunny” he commands.

You whimper and do as you’re told, gathering all the salvia in your mouth and spitting it onto his tip. He sighs and works your spit around his cock, moaning loudly. He’s teasing you, you’re strapped to the bed and can’t even touch him. He is evil incarnate, and you can’t get enough.

You were so entranced by watching Eddie work his hand over his cock you had forgot what the two of you were doing, until you felt the vibration on the highest setting hit your clit.

You yelp in surprise, keeping your eyes on his cock. Thinking about how his cock feels inside of you, how it stretches you out, hits a spot inside of you that you could never reach. You wanted it, no, you needed it, you needed him or you were going to explode. Your orgasm hurtling towards you like a freight train.

“D-Daddy i- please, i- im gonna cum” you gush, holding your eyes tightly closed, willing yourself not to cum before you’re given the okay. But instead, the vibration is gone, and your orgasm ruined.

You wail in frustration, tears welling in your eyes threatening to spill out, legs shaking. You were so desperate you didn’t even know why you were crying. You feel Eddie unclip your restraints, giving you full range of motion again, you rubbed your wrists thankfully. Eddie pulling you into a hug, kissing the tears out of your eyes.

“You did so good for me baby, you’re such a good girl for Daddy,” he mumbles into your skin. You allow him to hold you for a minute before the need between your legs takes over.

You let out the breath you were holding shakily. Looking at him in anticipation. You lie back down on the bed and open your legs, two could play at this game. You swirl your finger around your aching clit, moaning dramatically. Grabbing your left tit, pinching lightly between your two fingers, giving him a show.

Two firm hands grab both of your wrists putting them above your head, “You coulda just asked sweetness, not that I mind the show, I just had something else in mind” he mocks.

He climbs on top of you, lining his cock up at your entrance, swiping it through your soaked folds.

“Beg for it, beg for my cock,” he demands.

“Please, please I need your cock, please please, I’ve been good, please let me have your cock,” you whine.

With that he pushes into your core, both of you moaning in unison. His pace already quick chasing his own high.

“Fuck your pussy is so fuckin tight” he says, eyes closed trying to hold off his own orgasm. He lifts your legs, bending you almost in half, hitting a spot inside that makes you scream.

“Fuck yes, yeah right there, holy fuck!” you wail.

Doing what he’s told he pistons into you harder, making the wet noises in the room get louder and louder. You can feel pressure building inside you, but it feels different, it feels bigger.

“Can I cum, please can I cum?” not being able to hold it off any longer, eyes pleading with Eddie.

“Yeah, baby go ahead, cum for me, cum for daddy,” he groans.

Then your vision whites out, every cell in your body imploding with pleasure, you feel your release spill out of you and onto the sheets, messily.

“Holy shit- fuck!” is the only warning you get before Eddie’s hips stutter, and he spills his seed inside of you.

“What the fuck” is all you can muster in your fucked out state.

“Yeah what the fuck indeed princess, I didn’t know you could squirt” he says breathlessly, scooping you into his arms, the two of you laying next to each other trying to catch your breaths.

“I didn’t either, I’ve never done it before” you confide, Eddies eyes shining bright with pride. You roll your eyes at him, the last thing he needed was a bigger ego.

“Don’t let it go to your head mister,” you say with a jab to his chest.

“No, I absolutely am, thanks though” he says, putting his hand over his chest like he’s accepting a badge of honor.

The two of you spend the rest of the night down there in each other’s arms, eventually, Eddie gives you his t-shirt and goes to grab the two of you a snack and a glass of water.

“Was this okay? I didn’t hurt you or make you upset, right?” he asks.

You shake your head, “No not at all, I loved every second, can’t wait to do it again,” you say with a wiggle of your eyebrows. It makes Eddie crack a smile and leave a small kiss on your head.

“I just like feeling wanted, you know how stuff like this clears your head? It clears mine too, all I need to do is be there for you, and focus on you. Then my brain is quiet, so thank you,” he confesses, stealing a kiss from your lips. You smile up at him, if you could give him the whole world you would in an instant.

“I think I want to tell Vi, I’m nervous but I’m starting to feel guilty hiding all of this from her. I like you a lot, and she deserves to know what makes me happy,” he says looking sleepily in your eyes.

“You make me happy too, we can tell Vi this weekend, okay? I don’t like hiding things from her either,” you reassure him.

He nods back at you sleepily, snuggling in closure to you like a dog. Eventually the two of you fall asleep, completely content.

Tag List! **if you want to be added to the tag list just lemme know, just need to be 18+**

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[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

The Arcana HCs: How M6 act when they're sleep deprived

Julian

What do you mean? This is his permanent state of functioning, MC, he wouldn't know who he was if he wasn't exhausted

Now give him back his coffee. He wasn't done with that

Julian's version of properly sleep deprived is akin to a normal person's version of "so close to dead they've never felt more alive"

You'll only know he's at the true edge of his exhaustion when his eyebrows reach a new height of bushiness and his pupils dilate to two tiny pinpricks of black in a sea of shaky grey

His normal eye will be so bloodshot that you'll have a hard time telling which one needs an eyepatch over it

Be prepared for the theatre kid plague doctor version of zoomies

Were you hoping to read your book quietly? Not anymore!! Allow him to spice up your story by assigning different voices to your beloved characters and loudly reading them from atop the table

Better yet, watch him vault from the table to the windowsill as he demonstrates the dashing hero's getaway!

The plot takes a turn as the book goes flying into the sink and he continues undaunted, improvising a three person fight scene with the lid off your soup pot and the fire poker

This ends when you either guilt him into bed or he crashes mid-sentence

Asra

To say that they don't take well to being sleep-deprived is an understatement. They exist in a constant state of "just rolled out of bed and will happily roll back in." Life revolves around sleeping in

He can lose an hour or two of sleep here and there. It's not even super unusual for him to accidentally stay up into the wee hours of the morning because he got stuck in a curiosity spiral

But they usually make up for it with cat naps through the next day. When that proves impossible, though -

There's no nice way to put it. He's grumpy. Irritable. His tendency to make sarcastic, cutting comments about things he doesn't like increases tenfold

Their hair gets frizzy, the annoyed wrinkles around their eyes could rival an elephant's, and their usual easygoing expression is replaced with a scowl so deeply disgusted by existence that it rivals Muriel's

He doesn't yell or snap - no, he just stumbles through the shop with his hair in his eyes and a random object in his hand (is that a half finished rendering of the Palace carved on a banana peel?)

Be prepared for them to mumble out all kinds of hilarious swear combinations as they give you their real opinion on yesterday's finnicky shop patron. They'll read her outfit to filth

Nadia

She just gets stressed and depressed

And depending on how bad the deprivation is, slightly panicked

First she gets stuck asleep for literal years. Then after waking up she can't sleep enough, thanks to headaches and nightmares. She's just so done with the discomfort of it all

She also associates you with being able to sleep in a way that is safe and restful, so you're about to become a personal stuffie

If you complain, she'll immediately apologize and leave you to go about your day. Otherwise she doesn't realize what she's doing

You're coming with her. Everywhere

She's either got your arm looped through hers, her hand holding yours, or (depending on your height) your shoulders tucked firmly into her side while she runs her fingers through your hair

She will instinctively tighten her grip on you if you squirm

If she gets too lost in thought while she tries to get her tasks out of the way, she will bodily pick you up and carry you from room to room like an animate teddy bear. You are her comfort item now

Forgets to verbalize her thoughts. The plan is so clear inside her head, no need to pause to enact it

Which is how you ended up plopped on a horse with 0 explanation

Muriel

Oh dear

His anxiety skyrockets. Sleep is his coping mechanism for an ugly world. Sleep is an escape. And now sleep is ... unavailable???

His personality slowly shifts. Is he still grumpy? Yes, but faster now. Without access to the thing that helps him feel safe, he's full of anxious energy to the point of becoming frantic

Starts obsessively doing everything he can so that sleep is possible again. Is there a lot to get done? move out of the way.

Is it insomnia? He's trying everything from filling the hut with myrrh to making an uncharacteristic march into town so he can raid the shop for remedies while Asra looks on, jaw on the floor

He'll do anything, just let him sleep

Absolutely refuses to have anything to do with alcohol to make him drowsy, though. The same goes for any type of strong sleeping enchantments, medicines, or potions

He wants to maintain control over his body

It was a strange experience to come back after a day out to find the entire hut rearranged, with a borderline manic Muriel pacing the floor and muttering to himself about "something soothing"

Apparently that was you, by the way, you were all he needed. He took one look at you, heaved a sigh of relief, and then dozed off to the sound of you puttering around

Portia

For someone who's usually so cheery and on top of things, she gets really mellow and spacey - almost childlike

You will have to repeat yourself up to five times before she's able to process your question and tell you that she moved your shoes to the closet because she needed to sweep earlier

Slow frog blinks, first one eye, and then the other

Keeps putting stuff down where it's not supposed to go and then completely forgetting about them

Why is there a wet bar of soap on her pillow. Why is there a teacup half-buried in the garden. Why is Pepi covered in flour

If the reason for her sleep deprivation is overwork, there's no chance of her getting anything more done until she's had a full eight hours of rest. She physically cannot focus enough

If the reason is just insomnia, she just gets sad. One glance at Pepi curled up into a cute little roll and snoozing in a sunbeam will lead to silent tears pouring down her cheeks and quiet sniffles

Gets so so sweet - she already is, of course, but to a whole new degree. If you bring her a cup of soothing herbal tea, she'll look at you like you're a fairy and whisper "thank you" while she cradles it

A good backrub is usually all she needs to conk out

Lucio

He values his beauty sleep and he is not happy when he doesn't get it. Do you know what it takes to maintain skin like his??

Loud and cranky but refuses to acknowledge why

He wouldn't feel this lousy just from not getting enough sleep! What are you talking about? This is clearly some kind of foul magic or sickness at work - check his temperature! Is that a fever??

He doesn't need sleep, he needs answers. Who's fault is this? Who does he need to beat up? Leave him alone!

Wait no no no he didn't mean that, don't leave him alone, MC please, he loves you, don't go (note: you haven't moved)

He knows what he needs to do. He needs to hunt down whoever or whatever is causing this misery and force them to put an end to it

It must be some kind of curse. Loud noises hurt his ears, the sun is too bright, his eyes are tired and itchy, his brain is full of fog, his whole body feels slow and heavy, this isn't right!

Maybe this is actually his cue to throw a party - no? Yeah okay, he wasn't really feeling up for one anyways

Which is clearly another symptom of the curse! MC, help him!

You'll have to change tactics and tell him that you'll only be able to help him kill the curse if he falls asleep so you can see his dreams

[cherrycherrylady2024]

Christmas with the Grimes'

Christmas with the Grimes'

(Dilf! Rick Grimes x reader) Word count: 1,945

Warnings: 18+, descriptions of dilfs? This one is pretty tame tbh

Chapter 1: Mr. Grimes

Packing your bags for winter break, you thanked your lucky stars you had somewhere to call home for the next month and a half. There was the option of staying in the dorms but you came to terms with the fact that that would simply be too sad. Plus you certainly couldn’t go back to your parent's house, you hadn’t spoken to those two since the day you graduated high school. You were finally well and truly on your own. College was everything you had dreamed it would be. Partially thanks to Judith, your roommate, for dragging you out of the dorm that first week of school. 

You purposely picked the earliest move-in date and had already been living in the dorm for two weeks before Judith even arrived. You tried your best to spruce it up with what little decor you had and sat wringing your hands all day for this girl to appear. With random roommate assignments who knew what you’d be getting? When the door began to open with a click! of the handle, your stomach dropped to your toes, but the second Judith walked in you knew everything would be okay. She immediately ran over to you and almost knocked you over with a bear hug. She was the sunshine that brought you out of your shell, and you two were BFFs since that very day. When she invited you to stay with her family over winter break, it was nearly impossible to say no. 

~~~

“C’mon y/n we’d have so much fun! I can show you around my town, I mean what little there is to see, but still! We can go ice skating, watch movies, have snowball fights with my brother- plus my dad makes some seriously fucking good eggnog.” Judith chatted into your ear as you were finishing up your last essay for finals. You sighed and pushed away from your desk, rubbing your eyes. This paper would be the death of you, especially with Judith's distractions. “That all sounds great, really, but wouldn’t it be an imposition on you guys? I mean Christmas is kinda special and I don’t want to be intruding on your-” Judith cuts you off. “Please intrude! We do the same stuff every year, it gets sooo boring. Anyways, I’ll miss you too much, so I’m not really asking at this point.” Judith plops on her bed and opens her laptop. “This is a kidnapping now?” you ask. Judith types furiously on her computer, “For the greater good. You can’t sit here and mope for the next month and a half, that’s too depressing.” She pauses for a second, staring at her laptop screen. “Is an 8 am train too early?” 

You sigh, and lean back, stretching, mulling it over for a moment.

 “Way, way, too early,” you say.

Judith looks up at you and smiles.

~~~

So here you were, bags packed and ready to go. You two took the bus to the Amtrak station and boarded easy-peasy. “Y’know, I always thought train travel would be like Murder on the Orient Express, but this is like… shanking on the shitty express,” you remarked as you examined the stained seat, shabby carpeting, and… let’s just say, unusual fellow passengers. You quickly corrected yourself, “I mean- not to sound ungrateful or anything.” Judith rolled her eyes in agreement, “Believe me this isn’t my first choice either. It’s only a four-hour drive, if my dad would let me bring my truck up we wouldn’t have to-” she was interrupted by the train starting up. It began to slowly peel away from the station. “Here we go!” you exclaimed, surprising yourself with how oddly excited you felt. Judith yawned, shifting in her seat. “I should’ve gone with the noon train, even 10 am feels like the crack of dawn.”

20 minutes later you were bored as hell and Judith was fast asleep, snoring every once in a while. Your phone had spotty service as it was, but now going through the countryside it was virtually impossible to do anything. You occupied yourself by looking out of the window. When that got boring you too tried to close your eyes, but Judith's snores were becoming increasingly loud. You looked at her and contemplated throwing goldfish into her half-opened mouth, but decided against it. 

Studying her for a little, you concluded that she looked a lot like her dad, from the one time you met him. 

It was the day Judith moved in.

~~~

Judith pulled away from the hug, “Y/n, right? I’m Judith. It’s so nice to meet you! I like your energy already,” she held your hands as she said this. “That's so sweet of you, you too!” you responded. “And this is my– dad come on!” Judith turned to the door, ushering in her father. The man was balancing two large moving boxes, labeled aptly as Judith’s shit, which obscured his face. “Jesus Judith, what’s in here? Boulders?” He shuffled over and plopped down the two boxes on the twin bed across from yours, breathing out in a huff. “Just my rock collection.” Judith teased. Her father wiped his face and turned to you, making a clack sound in his cowboy boots, “Nice to meet ya, m’Rick” he said, extending his hand to you. 

You froze.

Damn. 

He was handsome. 

You didn’t typically use that word to describe guys. They were always “cute” or “hot,” but this wasn’t a guy: this was a man, and he was fucking handsome. His skin was a little bit bronzed from the summer sun, and you immediately found your mind wandering to where those tan lines might end. Rick's hair was dark brown, thick, and pushed back, ending in perfect curls. You were instantly enraptured by his stunningly blue eyes. How do eyes that blue even exist? Rick had a strong and direct gaze, and you got the feeling that from one look, he could know all about you. Was it crazy to say he had a sexy nose too? You had never liked facial hair until this day. This was nothing like the scraggly high school mustaches you were accustomed to. Rick had a short, slightly salt-and-pepper, beard that perfectly accentuated his high cheekbones. His voice was deep and rough, with a sexy southern drawl that you clocked immediately. He wore a plain white t-shirt which, due to the August heat, stuck to him in just the right places. 

Damn. 

The dark blue jeans fit him perfectly, paired with a black belt cluttered by loops and pouches, what for? You weren't sure. The only thing you could identify on the belt was the gun holster, and the revolver snugly clasped in it. 

You took all this in in the few seconds he had turned to you. His hand was still outstretched when you came to.

“Oh- hi Mr. Grimes, I’m y/n.” You shook his hand gently in a daze. His hands were warm, a little rough, and covered yours completely when he brought the other one on top. “Nice to meetcha y/n. And just Rick is fine.”

Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick.

You nodded your head fervently and withdrew from the handshake. You did your best to act normal but your eyes drifted straight back down his body to the revolver. Judith had already made herself busy unpacking, and didn’t even need to turn around to know what you must be wondering, “Dad I told you to leave your gun in the truck, it freaks people out.” She turned back to the both of you, holding a teddy bear, “Don’t worry y/n he’s not in the mafia or something, that’d be way too cool for him.” Rick shook his head with a smile, his hand on his hip, “How do ya know I’m not?” Judith moved swiftly past him, grabbing something from his belt. “Hey!” Rick laughed. She tossed it to you and upon catching it, you turned it over in your hands. It was a shiny gold sheriff's deputy badge. 

Officer Rick Grimes.

Damn.

You chuckled lightly and handed it back to him, your fingers brushing his, as Judith entered the bathroom with a box labeled shower shit. “Don’t let your mob buddies see that badge,” you teased. Rick smiled (Damn.) and put it back in his belt pocket, “Thanks for the tip.” 

Judith emerged from the bathroom, “Dinner?”

The dinner was unfortunately quick, mostly Judith talked and you listened. Rick chimed in now and again but it was more for you two roommates to get to know each other. You couldn't help but sneak a few glances at Rick throughout the dinner. You watched as his muscles flexed in his forearms, studied when he’d crack a smile, and nearly swooned when he leaned back and swept a hand through his hair, his arm outstretched on the booth behind Judith.

It was like he was magnetic. Every time you looked away you felt a calling for more. You shook the feeling as best you could and focused on Judith. You found out she had a younger brother, Carl, who was a bit of a troublemaker. Through mouthfuls of pasta, Judith put it bluntly that their mom had passed away years ago. "I'm sorry to hear that," you responded. You glanced at Rick for a reaction, finding nothing. You told Judith about your family, sugar-coating some of the details as you swirled your pasta around, not making eye contact. She seemed to catch on fast and didn’t pry. You already liked that about her.

After paying for dinner, and you thanking him profusely, Rick escorted the two of you back to your dorm building. He gave Judith a bear hug goodbye, “I wish I could stay longer sweetheart but I gotta get up early in the mornin’.” He looked over to you and winked “Mafia stuff.” You smiled (oh my god) back as Judith pulled away. “It’s alright, I’ll see ya at parent's weekend pops!” She kissed him quickly on the cheek and headed towards the stairwell to the dorms. Rick chuckled, then shrugged his shoulders and looked to you, “She’s keepin' it all inside.” He said, patting his heart. You laughed, “I’m sure.” Judith yelled to you from the door, “C’mon y/n we gotta lot of catchin’ up to do!” You turned back to Rick, “Thank you so much again for dinner. It was nice meeting you, Mr. Grimes.” He clasped a hand down on your shoulder (fuck). “No problem, you girls be good now, ya hear?” He leaned down closer to you, whispering, “Don’t let her drive you crazy”. You titter nervously, a little overzealous, as he pulls away. Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god.

You could smell his cologne. Or maybe it was just him. A rich, woodsy, musk that you wanted to stuff your face into.

“I heard that Dad!” Rick spun on his heel and began walking away, his hands in his deputy jacket pockets. “Goodnight girls.” You watched him walk away for a moment, then followed after Judith.

~~~

That was nearly 5 months ago, and the last time you’d seen Rick Grimes. You didn’t have a crush per se, I mean, he was a grown man and you were….…well, technically of age, but it would be weird, right? Right??

I mean maybe it's not so bad if- NO. You need to snap out of it. You hadn’t even thought about him (much) the whole semester, but the notion of seeing him again gave you butterflies that you desperately tried to squash. He is your best friend's dad for god's sake. Not that anything would ever happen, but there was no reason to make things weird for yourself in your own mind. He’s Judith's dad, and he just so happens to be good-looking, nothing more nothing less.

Well- really good-looking. And funny too. Very charming. But nonetheless your best friend's dad! 

A dilf and your best friend's dad. 

This was going to be a long winter break.

***

notes: ahhhhhhh! ok so this is my first fic ever and I already have a few more chapters written and planned so lmk what you think! All comments, reposts, etc. are very much appreciated <3 stay tuned for more!

[knightyoomyoui]

TWICE: Anthology of Horror One-Shots | STORY 3: "Sneaky Watcher" ft. MOMO

NOTE: This is my first ever original and own-made horror one-shot for this series featuring two legendary mysterious creatures from the tales of Japan. i just thought that the story possessing a concept / element from Japan fits for Momo since... well she's Japanese. Also, a quick trigger warning: the ending is depressing and tragic. Some of the parts might also bring disturbing imagery to the imaginations from some readers.

During the promotions for their new released extended play album titled “With YOU-th”, there was a changes applied on their current line-up of all the staffs working under TWICE’s management in Division 3. They had to unfortunately lose one beloved worker and a friend in their team when Momo’s manager Haseul had to file a permanent leave to the company. The reason is because the man is already married and he had fully decided to set his priorities now on the family he’s going to build with his wife.

Everybody respected his choice and they give him a beautiful goodbye despite being emotional, including Momo herself who already considered Haseul as one of her closest friends in the management. After they officially declared Haseul’s departure from the team, they have no choice but to do the next phase when a spot goes vacant. They have to look for a new replacement for Haseul. The search spent 5 days until the ones that were assigned to do it finally had somebody to offer. It was kind of an easy grab because they introduced this new person which actually has an experience already of managing idols. Momo then met her new manager named Sachiko Yamamoto, a woman in her 30’s and also was a former employee in JYPE’s headquarters in Japan. Momo was glad that her new manager does have some similarities as her, particularly due to the fact that both of them are pure Japanese who can speak fluent Korean too. That would be comfortable for Momo to communicate with her since they can somehow relate on other things regarding on their nationality and bilingual skills.Because of that, Momo felt so enthusiastic and anticipating to get to know her new manager. However, her first few days with Sachiko told a different narrative from her perspective. Everything she was expecting has rather went down spiral into failure. Her performance as a manager was way apart from her first impression she showed off when she introduced herself to Momo and to other staffs. One primary reason she could think of when she’s observing Sachiko is her demeanor that gives her quite uneasiness whenever she’ll come to approach her. She’ll act very sweet but when she sets herself distance from Sachiko, she usually catches her staring down at her with completely seriousness masked in her face. She smiles a lot but that;s only when it comes for her unlike the rest of the staffs, she just barely talks.

Although the odd speculations she have gotten from Sachiko’s antics, she just gave a guess of it that probably the young Japanese woman is just letting herself get used to her surroundings because its her first time here in South Korea, and it would make sense since the rest of the managers and most of her co-members are Koreans. Yet another one crossed her mind that if that’s the case, why she also acts different towards Mina and Sana who are also Japanese as her? People can be weird in their own ways, Momo concluded. She has so many things to pay more attention first, so she just sweep it off and let her manager do whatever she wants as long as it won’t bother her further.

That is until one day, her hopes went broken when Momo who just finished her beauty care after removing her makeup that she wore from visiting their pop-up museum for With YOU-th. She fixed her bed and set her alarm to 6AM in the morning because they still had somewhere to go for another schedule tomorrow. Momo immediately slept right after her body went contact with the softness and comfy texture of her bed’s cushion. Two hours while she’s deep in her slumber, she stirred in her position and the stretch it required for her body to do made her eyes to barely open, but was enough for her to notice something peculiar coming from her window.

Momo narrowed the slit of her eyes to obtain more focus on her sight to see. There was something disturbing lurking outside her window and it was a round shape until Momo got to visualize it when she opened her eyes and slowly sat up from her bed. Her eyes widened when just as she made a movement, the floating thing disappeared by going sideways that was blocked by the wall for her to follow. That one last glimpse had Momo scream in terror, especially when she speculated that the round thing that was floating in the window can be compared to like a head of a person. Momo pulled her sheet to the level of her chest and she gripped it tight while she sat on her bed, her back leaning on the wall as she breathe rapidly at what the hell did she just observed. That figure was bothering Momo’s mind even during their schedule which caused a bit of a trouble during the progress of their shooting. She was mostly out of her trance, still thinking about what she has caught last night. When she has something going on in her head, her former manager Haseul would be the one to volunteer to have Momo let it all out by listening to whatever story she has in store inside, but sadly her current manager has no qualities of that.

Instead, she wasn’t causing any help at all. She just adds to Momo’s creepy feeling she’s been having after not getting over still from what she seen that night.

While on their break, Momo who is still spacing out after looking at her phone, was confronted by her fellow member Jeongyeon who sat beside her. “You don’t look like you have a grip of yourself at the moment, Momoring.”, she said.  On many occasions, Jeongyeon would be the sole responsible for making fun of her but right now, she is acting as a true friend and a sister to her with her tone being so caring and serious.

“Care to share it with me?” “Are you guys angry at me for making us film many takes because of what i’m doing?” Momo asked with guilt. “I’m sorry if I’m being like this, I-” “We know, that’s why we can’t be mad at you.” Jeongyeon cuts off her words to share her understanding personality. “Everybody has something they had to fight on their own, but there’s nothing wrong with seeking help from others, right?”

“Yeah.” “Then what is it, what is something that is preventing you to act right today?” Jeongyeon patiently asked. Momo went silent for a second and Jeongyeon thought it must be tough for the latter to share. “You can’t force yourself if you can’t Momoring, okay?”

“N-no, I can it’s just that…” Momo lets out a deep breathe. “I don’t know if you would believe me when I say this.”

“Let me hear it first before I judge.” “O-okay…” Momo nodded. “I saw something on my room last night.”

“What is it? Something scary?” “Yeah… there was like… somebody’s watching me from the window, but what’s weird is because it doesn’t have any body, yet the head… is there.”

Jeongyeon furrowed her brows and looked at Momo in disbelief. “Wait are you trying to tell me that there’s probably a stalker in your room that is not headless but rather… only composed of head? Like literally a floating head?” “Exactly.” Momo agreed. “I still don’t know if what I saw was true but… it’s so scary that it ruined my sleep just imagining about it.” Jeongyeon saw how Momo look completely nervous and uncomfortable recalling that scenario, but she lowered her head apologetically. “I’m not actually into ghosts but Momoring… I may not know what exactly you seen out there but maybe it’s because you’re just tired these days. You are considered to be one of our most hardworking people here in our Division, so it’s not gonna be a problem if you… know, try atleast slowing it down and rest when needed?” Momo sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I was in the middle of my sleep when I woke up and saw that, maybe I was just dreaming still when it happened.” Jeongyeon shook her head and wrapped her arm around Momo as she rocked the dancer’s toned body. “You know what, I’ll just take you out for some iced coffee to keep your senses awake. Okay?”

“Sure, why not.” They both grinned at each other after. The chills may have left Momo but her curiosity isn’t done yet. It pushed her to plan something later that night to prove if that thing actually exists like what she encountered days ago. Before she slept, she placed her go-pro camera on her nightstand and sets it on record. While she’s sleeping, the floating head made its appearance once again, floating and swaying back and forth slowly through the window. It tried to open to window using its teeth by biting it and gently opened it as it slides off the pane. Just as when it opened, Momo who is actually pretending to sleep when she heard some strange noises that signifies its presence, Momo immediately sprung up from her bed and tried to charge at the creepy thing but it got away when Momo almost fell to the bottom of the building out to the window as she got pulled by the strength of the creature while she’s pulling it’s long hair to prevent from escaping.

Momo cried in fear as she has proven that it is indeed real. She even touched it by her own hands. Before that, there is one more thing to confirm such existence of this suspiciously dark creature she’s trying to chase for. Grabbing the go-pro camera, she stopped its recording and revisit every timestamps until it led her to this one clip that made her feel intense goosebumps. The creature was indeed a floating head, highly resembling a classic yokai creature based from the tales in her home country Japan, which had Momo in shock as she discovers that this thing called “nukekobi” actually exists in life. But that wasn’t the only part that terrified her a lot, because when she zoomed the paused video to identify its face, Momo almost dropped the camera in pure suspense. The next day, Momo hurriedly arranged a meet up with two of the lead managers in TWICE’s management team, named Sadness and Tendo to report such a frightening evidence. “Look, it’s literally Sachiko and she’s not normal as we all seems to believe about her! Have you guys seen somebody who can detach its head from its body?!” Momo complained while Sadness and Tendo were staring at the paused clip.

“Are you sure you didn’t edit this or something, because seriously what the fuck is this thing?” Tendo said while rubbing his arm, feeling the creeps thats making her hair all stand up. “This is so… I don’t know, my mind can’t process properly what we’re seeing right now, but whether Sachiko who is actually like… what did you say about her again earlier?” “A nukekobi.”

“Yeah that. Whatever she is, we are now certainly sure that she is unsafe and she causes uncomfortable atmosphere for everybody working hard just to assist TWICE in their schedule. This is getting concerning so… what do you say, Tendo? Would you want to do something about this?” “Yeah, definitely. I couldn’t let myself stand across near that woman again after seeing this. I don’t even like her that much, she’s naturally weird, I suppose.” “Okay, I’ll have the rest to investigate the effects of her behavior and once we come up with a decision, we’ll include her for the meeting. Is that good, Momo?” “Yes, thank you so much unnie and oppa.” Momo nodded and bowed gratefully at the two kind leaders.

With the help of Tendo and Sadness’ instant actions regarding of Momo’s complain about Sachiko’s true nature, they have come up with a unanimous decision to kick out Sachiko from the team after the rest also shared their approval and own criticism about the strange woman. After learning about her contract’s unfortunate demise just weeks after getting assigned to JYPE in Korea, Sachiko was upset and disappointed at their decision, and before she left, she expresses those summed up emotions towards one person, and that is the idol she thought she would idolize for her inspiring personality but instead ended up being one of her haters.

Although Momo was regretting it a bit after feeling bad for Sachiko’s removal, she remained focus at the important matter that she’ll be free and safe again from that creature lurking and stalking her as deeper as her sleep she takes every night. It also somehow relief for the managers and the members who learned about the nature of Sachiko, hoping that it would be the last time they’ll get to experience that.

Not long enough, as 3 days later, the police informed Sadness, Tendo, and other TWICE members that they have found Momo’s lifeless body on the backseat of their car that crashed at the side of a road outside Seoul along with her driver who was also pronounced dead in arrival. The two both had their necks broken as their cause of deaths.

It wasn’t because of the impact of the crash though, as they have found out from the investigation that Momo’s neck has huge red marks that presumably came from something very thick and was applied enough force to tighten around Momo’s neck for it to snap in pieces. That resulted for the doctors to finalize that Momo’s cause of death was actually due to strangling, and the only suspect they can have is none other than the driver itself.

They were right, as the whole story they didn’t know behind this gruesome incident was because the driver is actually another Japanese yokai disguised as normal human called “rokurokubi” , a counterpart of Sachiko’s kind. If Sachiko can detach its head completely, the driver whose named is Hiroshi Yamamoto can extend its neck very long to detach itself to its body, and unknown to the police’s reports… it was the strategy he used to kill Momo to avenge his friend Sachiko who committed suicide after having her job in which he was the one who suggested his friend to the agents of Division 3 for the vacant manager spot, got stripped away from her. -----------------------------------END----------------------------------

[pettyrevenge-base]

My guidance counsellor told me I wasn’t “university material”, and years later I pretended not to know her.

I know it doesn’t sound much like revenge, but it was oh so sweet, let me tell you.

Back in high school, I struggled hard. I had a step-dad who adopted me and then ignored me my whole life, and a mom who was wrapped up in making his life perfect. Yeah he was what some might call a textbook narcissist, with my mom as his “flying monkey” (wizard of oz reference).

Anyway, school was a difficult time for me, and I had a lot of anxiety and a hard time focusing. I attended all my classes, and was always doing very well on my assignments, but had trouble completing them.

My guidance counsellor was the same all through high school, and every year would start with a meeting with her, and I would explain I needed more help, because I was struggling to focus. She brushed me off every time, stating that I obviously wasn’t trying hard enough because I had no excuse, since my step-dad (adopted dad) was…wait for it…a social worker for the school board and personal friend of hers. Yeah it was awful.

At the end of high school we had our obligatory meeting about what colleges/universities or trades schools to apply to. I told her I was interested in psychology and would like to be a counsellor or to teach psychology.

This woman scoffed. Literally scoffed at me. She said, and I quote “please do not apply to university. It would be a huge disappointment for you. You are not university material, and you may be better with a community college or even certificate in administration”.

Now let me say THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with going to community college or getting a certificate in something. Nothing at all. But this woman’s words would haunt me my whole life. I wanted to pursue something I was very interested in, and she essentially told me I wasn’t smart enough or capable enough to do it.

Fast forward to my late 20s. I worked at a variety of small jobs here and there and became very depressed. I finally decided one day that f*ck it - I’m applying for university.

Well I got in and I graduated with honors. So I went to teachers college for another bachelor degree. Again, graduated with honors. And about 5 years ago, I finally finished my Masters in behavioral psychology.

Two years ago step-dad died, and who is at the visitation? My old guidance counsellor.

She came right over and started talking to me immediately like she knew me, like we’re old friends. I cut her off and said “I’m so sorry, you must be confusing me with someone else”. She looked absolutely shocked and said “I was your guidance counsellor! For 4 years.” And I just shook my head and gave the best blank look I could give, shrugged and said “sorry, I honestly don’t remember you”. When I left she looked a bit confused and disappointed. I think she had hoped for me to have all of these good memories of her, how helpful she was to me as a teen. But nope. I wanted her to feel that she was nothing to me. Had zero effect (even though she did affect me, I wasn’t letting her know that).

I felt pretty good about that.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[subdee]

Do you mind if I ask what medication you are taking for ADHD? I've been taking viloxazine but it keeps me awake for multiple days sometimes. My doctor and I are going to meet and talk about revising the medication. I'm trying to avoid adderall.

Hi anon! I'm not currently taking any medication for ADHD. When I was in grad school I had a methylphenidate prescription, the generic version of Ritalin.

... I also couldn't get the prescription refilled because I did grad school in England and fast-acting stimulants are a schedule II controlled substance there, plus adult ADHD diagnoses weren't really a thing at the time (this was 10 years ago).

So since I only had the limited supply I brought with me I would take it "as needed" to write papers, finish assignments, write my graduate thesis... Basically I was one of those bad people who get a prescription they "don't need" just to get schoolwork done, even though I had been properly evaluated and diagnosed by my regular non pill-pushing doctor before going to the UK.

Maybe it's because I wasn't taking the medication regularly AS medication, but my experience was the same as yours. I had a lot of trouble sleeping, plus I would get a bit, I don't know if manic is the proper word for it, but energized and then crash afterward.... I don't think I've ever been as depressed as I was while prescribed methylphenidate, lol. This would happen with both the quick-release and slow-release pills and actually the slow-release ones were worse because they were at a higher dose.

So my experience with ADHD medication is mixed because on the one hand I did finish my thesis on time and on the other hand it wasn't something I could continue long term, and ultimately I decided to stop taking it and find other ways to focus.

...and also, I decided to not pursue a career in social statistics that would have required a lot of intense focus on solitary projects for long periods of time. Instead I work in an urban high school where we're always in crisis mode and there are immediate consequences if I don't plan my lessons well enough and that motivates me, lol.

It's funny, as a kid I always considered that I had a shorter attention span than others, and also that it was more variable than others and less under my conscious contro (Thinking, Fast and Slow is a good book about this).

But as I've become an (older) adult and settled, and also as more and more people spend more and more time looking at screens -- we were the ONLY family with a desktop computer at home in my neighborhood when I was in middle school -- lately it seems like the average attention span has shortened. And mine is actually fairly long now in comparison. So I don't feel the need to take medication anymore, really.

The non-medication thing that helped me the most, btw, when I was job-hunting after grad school was a project to journal my moods / energy hour by hour throughout the day. Because what I realized was that my main problem was that I didn't **know** how I was feeling, so I couldn't manage my energy by myself by adjusting my schedule, resting when needed, drinking coffee, etc.

Once I gained the magic skill to know and manage my own moods that helped tremendously. And I want to say that the ADHD medication, although I didn't keep using it, really helped with that by exaggerating my attention swings and making them predictable. Not just was it easier to recognize the exaggerated moods, but also I let go of a lot of ideas I'd had about what I "should" be able to do and a lot of moralizing I'd been doing about being a lazy good for nothing, etc. Because how could it be a moral issue or a question of willpower when you could change it with a pill?

For this reason, I think everyone should try a mind-altering or mood-altering drug at some point in their lives, even if they ultimately decide to not take any drugs. I think it gives you empathy for other people whose brains work differently from yours, and a sense of perspective about your own brain.

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted, maybe try asking in a ADHD medication subreddit or on ask.metafilter.com. I think you'd get a lot of interesting advice.

[cosmos-coma]

Prey of the Hunt- Chapter 8

A/N: wow its been a hot minute since the last chapter, huh? I hope you all enjoy this chapter as wont lie, I cried a lil when I was writing it.

Pairing: Eskel x Reader

Words: 1.5k

Warning: this will include some spoilers about who is involved in the Battle of Kaer Morhen from TW3, this is also kind of a depressing chapter.

Summary: It’s time to prepare for the final battle. The long hours and endless preparation begin to wear on you, and so do the endless questions. Will spring come for you and Eskel?

Chapter 9

______________

The next day had everyone immediately working on their assignments; Geralt and Yennefer left before most people awoke, trying to get a jumpstart on recruitment. You barely saw anyone that day besides Vesemir, catching people here and there as they stopped by to grab a quick lunch before getting back to it. Even Eskel you only saw in passing, brushing knuckles as you walked by, or quick touches when he came to run something past Vesemir. But you wouldn’t ever be upset about it, not when you knew it was for the good of a member of the Keep.

It went on for long, seemingly endless days like that, though some of the pressure slid away once reinforcements started to arrive.

Letho was the first, much to the dismay of later visitors, but he was a welcome guest when it came to preparing bombs. A few members of the lodge were next, Phillipa, Keira, and Triss, each of them finding their own usefulness here and there, whether it be traps, planning, or otherwise. Zoltan, Roche, and Ves were next, the latter two vowing to help only as long as they could stay far from Letho in the process. Even a small group of druids showed up in the later days, intent to join in the plight.

Within hardly any time, facets of the plan begin getting laid out; traps were finished and set up around the perimeter, swords and armor were sharpened and mended, and just about everyone was getting a refresher on the Wild Hunt and how best to fight them. Everyone except you and Eskel that is.

The two of you were holed up in the workshop on one last late shift preparing potions. You had promised Ciri and Geralt to give Eskel the same briefing as long as he could be the one to help you- and with how much the worry and late nights had begun to show on you physically, you were glad they allowed you that much.

“How much longer on the White Raffard in cauldron three?” you asked as you stirred a completely different brew and tried to keep track of about six others.

“10 minutes… Hey, Y/n-“ he started, only to get cut off by your hyper-focused mumbling.

You could feel the glaze of lost sleep over your eyes as you drifted about the room, making notes, and checking bottles. “Okay, that’s 10 minutes on that, 18 minutes for the full moon potion, 27 for the-“

“Dear.” Eskel’s arm came out to snag your waist as you moved past, tugging you into his embrace. “Take a minute to breathe… You hold your stress in your shoulders you know. We both do,” He said, biting back a grin and he repeated your own words back to you.

Strong arms wrapped securely around you as you leaned into him, resting your head in the cradle of his neck. Your hands dropped the notes you had been taking and wound their way around his torso, closing your fists around his tunic. As your sigh escaped you some of the tension did too, your fists loosened and your shoulders came to rest a little closer to their natural state.

“You’ve been throwing yourself into this work so much lately…”

“But I need to. When the Hunt comes- “ you started, your mind already drifting back to work and the battle that inevitably lay ahead.

“-But you need a few minutes before you go back. Just exist with me for a few minutes....” His voice rumbled quietly through his chest and into yours, enticing you to hug him that much closer.

“You’re right, you’re right…” you relented, “I know everyone is just here to help, and a few of them have been very nice… but I can’t wait for it to be quiet again.” You laughed out, Eskel’s own laugh following yours.

“The path is going to feel like a lazy afternoon once we get through all this, not that I’m complaining.” Eskel already couldn’t wait for the cold season to end, let alone the confrontation with the Wild Hunt. Even if it meant the end of a guaranteed bed for some time, he wanted to show you the world in a far better light than the Wild Hunt had left it. He wanted to see the way your face lit up when you came across the various festivals, the joy and relief when you two got a hot plate of food at an inn after days of camping outside, and the pride of you getting your first monster. The best part of the path surely would be sharing it all with you.

“Where will we go when we set out in spring?”

“Wherever you want to go, dear. Wherever you lead us I will follow.” Eskel’s easy smile pulled at the notch in his lip, revealing just a window into what bigger expressions you may pull from him yet.

 Your heart fluttered in your chest, “Really? Even if I wanted to go someplace far like Skellige or Toussiant..?” you pulled back from his arms to look up at him, did he really mean anywhere?

And yet without hesitation, he nodded in agreement, “I’m sure we could find a boat to the isles in Novigrad, and it may take a little while but we could make our way down to Toussiant as well. Wherever you want to go this year we can do, And then next season we can find some other places to visit or we can just do it all again.”

You couldn’t even muster a verbal reply, all you could manage to do was to throw your arms around his neck and bring him close once more. “You’re too good to me…” You mumbled into his neck.

Another laugh bubbled up from his throat as he rubbed your back, “I’ll always do my best. And as much as I never want this moment to end, I think the potion is done…” With a kiss to your temple, he pulled his arms back to let you go.

“10 minutes already? It usually feels like they can’t brew fast enough.” You began doling the potion out into bottles, while Eskel cleaned up the spills and put them away.

You could hear the shuffling of many feet outside the door as those getting briefed made their way back to their rooms to get some sleep. You and Eskel still had some time yet to stay awake, the whole keep taking the day in shifts so there’s always at least one person with eyes open to watch for the Hunt. Phillipa was also on the late shift with the both of you, everyone has joked that she was a literal ‘night owl’, but you hadn’t known her long enough to understand or feel like you wouldn’t get an eye poked out for asking.

When you two were finally done with your shift in the early hours of the morning you made your way back to the room. The only thing left to do now was get some sleep and wait for the Hunt to finally arrive; Everyone knew where they were expected to be when the alarm rang, if they had a task at a certain time, or if they were expected to be in one spot. However, you knew that for most of you your job would doing anything and everything you could to either kill them or make sure they didn’t kill you.

No one wanted to say it out loud, but there was one thing weighing on every mind tonight and as you and Eskel lay in each other’s arms it weighed heavily on you too.

Who would be left alive when the battle ended?

Who would die on the field surrounded by their friends and foes?

Would anyone but those gathered here remember the ones who died and what they died for?

Tears threatened your eyes as you dwelled on whether you would live to see the next few days, or even what you would do if Eskel happened to perish. That last thought no matter how quickly you tried to pass over it in your mind succeeded in pulling tears from your eyes that quickly slid down onto Eskel’s chest.

Your beloved witcher said nothing as his hand came to wipe the streaks from your cheeks, no words could help right now. You both knew it.

By the grace of some god you two were able to find sleep, despite the tossing and turning. Your bodies stay locked in an embrace, your legs intertwined as even your subconscious minds held on to what was dear.

It wasn’t until late the next morning when you two were roused from sleep by the furious ringing of a bell.

CLANG CLANG CLANG

Adrenaline went through you like a gunshot, as you and Eskel both woke with a start, glancing to each other knowingly.

The Hunt has arrived.

___________________

Taglist: @writingmysanity @open--till--midnight @dark-academia-slut @madamemelancholysstuff @weaponizedvirtue

Wanna be added/taken off the taglist? just DM or ask!

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 23

*Warning Adult Content*

My days in suspension are miserable.

I can't sleep properly.

I don't feel like eating anything.

The room gets messier and messier as the days drag on.

I can't even bring myself to get out of bed and go shower.

Lucien says he's worried for me.

He came and apologized to me for yelling and saying those things but the damage is already done.

I continue to feel hostile towards him for not letting me explain what happened with Trent.

And now that he's not angry anymore, I don't even have the energy to argue my side.

I just want to give up.

Being grounded doesn't really upset me.

I don't have the will to leave my room anyway.

My friends text me that they'll help me sneak out but as much as I love them, they're not who I want to be with right now.

Daemon's still not allowed to see me and Lucien has been keeping him busy on missions from dawn to nightfall to make sure of that.

Lucien says it's for the best, which makes me resentful.

I hunger for Daemon's presence, the way I feel around him.

When he comes by the house to meet with Lucien I secretly look at him out the window through the curtains.

I find him looking too, a grim look on his face.

I wish he longed for me like I long for him. 

The nightmares also get worse.

When I'm able to sleep, I'm haunted by my stepfather's wrath.

Or Henry's.

Even when I'm awake, I'm held captive by the horrible memories, my mind forcing me to recall the specific things Alpha Ferix did to me.

Dangling a knife over my ankles, threatening to cut off my feet if I try to leave the house.

Holding my face down in a tub of water as a punishment for stealing an apple from the kitchen.

The screams of my mother I heard while under the water, trying to get him to stop.

Letting his friends use me as an ashtray when they came over to drink, pressing their lit cigarettes butts into my skin.

It makes me feel so nauseous, so disgusting.

I look at myself in the mirror and refuse to accept that it's me I'm looking at.

That's not me.

That can't be me.

That thing doesn't even look like a person.

It looks like a shell of one, with hollowed-out eyes and a disfigured, bony body.

I hate him so much, that boy in the mirror.

In the midst of my depressive episode, Lucien comes to see me after I've turned away the third meal of the day, refusing to eat.

"Why aren't you eating?" he asks me as I lie in bed, turned away from him.

"I'm not hungry."

"You're a growing teenager. You need to eat."

I don't reply.

I don't care that I'm growing.

"Ash, I think you need to see a doctor. This behavior... it isn't normal."

I clutch my arms tighter around me, curling into myself.

The thought of leaving the comfort of my room for some stranger to evaluate me sounds terrible.

Am I becoming a burden to him?

Is that why he wants someone to fix me?

"You think I'm not normal?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant," Lucien tries to explain.

"I... I just want you to get better. But I don't think I'm the best person to help you do that."

I hate the way he's speaking to me.

Like I'm a charity case or a sensitive child.

I glare at the wall, chest tightening. 

"Maybe I don't want to get better," I say, my voice coming out as barely a whisper.

"What was that?"

"I said, maybe I don't want to get better."

I sit up to face him, my voice rising along with my distress.

"Maybe I just want to waste away in here, rot and die," I finish, my chest heaving. 

Lucien is quiet, looking at me with sad eyes.

The expression he has makes me want to cry.

"You don't mean that. Please, Ash. Please, my boy. Let me take you to see someone, okay? If you don't like it, we can leave immediately."

My resolve crumbles at the desperateness in his voice, my eyes welling up with tears.

"You promise?"

"Of course. I promise."

The next day, Lucien takes me to the psychiatrist.

I'm a bundle of nerves as we check-in, waiting for me to be called.

The lady assigned to me is very friendly, an Omega as well so I feel comfortable.

She asks me a few seemingly normal questions about my sleeping and eating habits.

I tell her I don't like sleeping and that I have no appetite.

She asks me if I have any idea why and I lie, telling her I don't.

She talks with me for a while, even making me fill out this long virtual survey on an iPad she hands me.

I try my best to be honest.

I know Lucien's paying for this so I don't want it to be a complete bust.

Then she calls Lucien back in.

She tells him my diagnosis, prescribing an array of medications for my anxiety and depression.

Wow, I must have a lot of problems if I need that many pills.

"The medication can help, of course,but a mate will be a much more effective treatment for PTSD like his," she says.

If only I had a mate.

But someone like me wouldn't have one.

"I see..." Lucien scratches at his chin, appearing deep in thought. 

I'm kind of zoned out as we leave the office, not really registering what just happened.

I feel numb.

This whole day has been weird.

I can't wait to go back home.

It's nighttime and I'm in bed again, in a simple black hoodie and shorts, laying over the covers.

I stare lifelessly at the array of orange pill bottles that sit on my desk.

I should probably hide them in the bathroom cabinet so my friends don't see them when they come over.

I'm too tired to get up and do it now, though.

I let my eyes flutter closed, letting the hoots of the owls outside lull me to sleep.

That is, until the hoots are interrupted by a loud tap.

It sounds like something hard was thrown against my window.

I quickly jump up, going over to investigate.

I've had a fear of the window lately.

But it's locked.

I can just look and I'll still be safe.

And it was probably just a falling pinecone.

So I pull back the curtain, nearly fainting from fright when I see the silhouette of a human figure right outside, a large hand pressing against the window.

I'm about to scream for Lucien when I realize who it is.

My heart soars and I quickly unlock the window for Daemon, opening it up to let him inside.

He stands on the roof slat just under my window, dressed in his usual all black.

"Y-you scared me to death, Daemon. How did you get up here?" I ask as he climbs in with a grunt, dusting his hands off on his dark jeans.

"I scaled the wall," he shrugs like it's nothing, taking a seat on my bed and I stand before him.

I gawk at him, wondering how he managed such a feat.

I mean, my room is on the second floor.

I wring my hands nervously as we lock eyes, realizing how I must look like utter shit.

"U-uh, I look terrible right now," I say, my hands going to hide my face. "I wasn't expecting..."

But Daemon grabs my hands in his to stop me.

"You don't, Ash. That hasn't even crossed my mind."

I flush at the contact, his skin hot against mine.

I can't help but want more.

"Okay..."

I'm at a loss for words.

Why is he here?

Didn't Lucien ban him from seeing me?

Daemon's eyes flicker to something behind me so I follow his gaze, my stomach dropping as I spot the medication on my desk.

"Oh, th-those are..." I slip my hands from his grip, rushing over to grab them and block them from his view.

I try to scoop them up in my arms so I can go put them somewhere, just anywhere where he can't see them,but the bottles slip from my grasp and loudly clatter to the floor.

"Shit."

I feel my face get hot and I bend over, quickly scrambling to pick them up.

"Shit."

But then Daemon is next to me, gently grabbing my arm to refrain me from picking up the bottles.

"Ash, stop," he says.

"But I-I don't want you to..." my voice cracks and I'm mortified as I start to cry.

Why do I always have to fucking cry in front of him?

"Hey, hey," Daemon pulls me off the floor, looping his arms under my waist and knees as he lifts me, carrying me to the bed.

"What's wrong?" he asks as he sets me down, his arm around me.

The question and the tenderness of his actions have me breaking down.

"I don't want you to think I'm a freak..." I start to sob against his shoulder.

"Why would I think that?"

"B-because Lucien took me to the psychiatrist today and I'm-I'm not normal. M-my brain is all messed up inside," I confess, grasping his shirt tightly.

"And they put you on meds?" Daemon's voice is gentle, so unlike his usual tone.

His hand is rubbing up and down my back, which calms me down a little.

I nod, another round of tears welling up as I try to speak.

"I'm just so scared, Daemon. That there's something wrong with me."

"Look at me, Ash," Daemon's hands cup my face and lift it to face him, his dark eyes holding my gaze.

"Look at me,"I bite my lip, reluctantly staying put as I let him see my tear-stained face, hoping I don't look too repulsive to him.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. So you're going through some shit up here," he taps my head lightly. "But that's not your fault. That's your response to what's happened to you so don't ever blame yourself."

"B-but what if other people don't see it that way?" I sniffle.

"Who gives a fuck what they think? Everyone has their own shit, whether they're willing to admit it or not."

"Even you?"

"Have you seen the way I act? Especially me," Daemon says humorously, a grin twitching on his lips as I giggle softly in response.

I feel so much better already, like a weight's been lifted off my chest.

Just being in his presence lights me up inside.

"There it is," he says. "I missed that pretty smile of yours."

Daemon's eyes twinkle, taking my small hand in his large one.

I blush, butterflies exploding in my stomach.

His hands are rough and worn from hard labor, they feel so strange on my soft ones.

Not that I don't like it.   

"W-what?" I squeak. "You're lying."

I look away, not able to take the compliment.

"I'm not," he denies but I know it's too good to be true.

"Come on, Daemon," I reluctantly pull my hand out of his.

"Nothing about me is pretty. Don't make fun of me."

Daemon sighs in slight aggravation, running a hand through his hair.

"You think I came all the way here, at midnight, climbed the roof, just to make fun of you?"

"T-then why are you being so nice to me? Y-you hated me when I first came here and I still don't know how you feel about me. I don't know anything..."

But then he's reaching for me, pulling me into a crushing embrace.

At first, I'm startled, my words drying up on my tongue as I wonder what's come over him.

But his embrace is so warm and strong and touching him just feels so good that I can't help but melt into it.

I throw my arms around his neck, burying my face in the crook of it as he holds me.

"Ash," he breathes, his voice so compassionate I don't recognize it.

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

Like the crybaby I am, I'm tearing up again and clutching onto him for dear life.

"Then hold me. Stay with me. Don't go."

"I won't," he promises, softly stroking my hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

I cling to him for the longest time, even as he lies us down on the pillows and pulls the covers over me so I won't be cold.

I don't let go because I don't want him to leave again and not be able to see him for who knows how long.

To leave me all alone for the dark thoughts that plague me to come creeping back in.

I hate being deprived of him, his rugged handsomeness, his teasing smirks, his touches that set my heart aflame. 

Curled up against him in the comfy bed, head on his firm chest as he holds me, I'm so at ease, despite being in such a vulnerable position.

Because I trust him.

He's not like Henry.

Or my stepfather.

Sure, he's bigger and stronger, an Alpha.

He has the power to hurt me like they did. 

But I know he won't.

And he's shown me he'll do what it takes to protect me.

And while I don't know why, it makes me like him all the more. 

Soon I find myself fading off to sleep, his heartbeat sounding faintly under my ear like a lullaby.

I have no nightmares. 

[forestgreenfairy]

A Teenage Kind of Love (salvis)

Episode 4 

(Travis)

This became a daily occurrence, the drinking, skipping class, sitting in the bathroom. Occasionally Sal would join me. We would talk for a short while then I would eventually make a swift exit so I wouldn't have to look at him. One of the days he came to the bathroom he said. 

"You know Travis, I think we could consider each other friends now," he said and I laughed. We could never be friends, that would be too tempting for me. 

"No we can not be friends" I say And he sighs. 

"You can't isolate yourself from everyone" he says putting his hand under the stall door reaching for mine" I immediately scoot over and lift my hand 

"I'm not a fucking homo like you sally face" I whisper yell. My face has gone red and my hand is shaking. 

"Travis I'm not gay sometimes a touch from a freind is good, like hugs or high five, hand holding is not only for couples" my brain is racing thinking of everything I could say I don't know if it's the fact that I'm drunk or that there's no on around but I set my hand down on top of his.

My chest fills with butterflies and I can't help but smile. I love this feeling but it's wrong. It's almost as if I can feel God's eyes gawking at me from heaven. Silently judging me from above. 

"Earth to Travis" sal says from the other side of the door. I pull my hand away. 

"I really have to leave uh school almost over" I say, opening the door and rushing out. 

"Travis wait" sal yells but I leave before he can finish. 

(Sal) 

I don't know why but I wanted him to hold my hand. I wanted him to be closer. Wanted him to feel okay to open up with me. To talk to me. 

But when his hand touched mine it felt. Different. Different then when me and Larry hug than when ash grabs my hand and pulls me with her different then when Todd grabs my arm when talking about something particularly interesting. Different than I've ever felt before. I can't tell if I liked it or not. My stomach did cartwheels and my palms were sweaty. 

I collect myself  standing up and looking in the mirror. I wash my hands then leave. 

While I waited for Larry at his car I'm still in a daze thinking about how warm his hand was. How his shaky hand settled on top of mine. 

"Sal" Larry says approaching the car. 

"Oh hey Larry" I say getting into the car after he locks it. 

"You seemed a little out of it" questions buckling in and starting the car.

"Yeah I guess I am" I say 

"Just been kinda distracted today" I say, leaning my head back in my seat. 

"Wanna talk about it?" 

"Maybe later" 

(Travis)

"How was your day Travis" my dad says as I get in the car. 

"It was okay" I respond blandly

"I have a question Travis" he says turning his head to me and my heart begins to race.

"I have noticed that my alcohol has been going missing” he pauses “do you think you might know why” sweat beads at hairline bad hands begin to shake. 

“No father” he nods and says nothing the whole ride home. Once we step inside he says again in a strong steady voice. 

“I’m going to ask you again. Do you know what happened to my alcohol?” I shake my head no and he slaps me across the face. 

“STOP LYING BOY” he screams.

“Okay okay I did it I took it” he smiles in victory. 

“What are you doing with it? Partying?” He asks.

“No, I'm just drinking it by myself. I’m trying to get over some feelings.” I say and his smile fades and he looks confused.

“What feelings because if it’s a girl that’s okay Travis that all I’ve wanted was for you to find a nice girl” he says 

“No it's not a girl”  he looks more confused than before. 

“I don’t want to hear about any depression, '' he says with air quotes.

“Stop stealing my booze it’s not good for you” he says walking away, he never wants to talk about my feelings for very long.

But if it was only depression.

 I would be much better off if I was just depressed. 

Not gay. 

(Sal) 

Larry and I are laying on my bed. Larry’s doing some math assignment that I’m trying to do but I just can’t focus. 

“Sal I can’t figure this out” he says erasing the same problem an 8th time. 

“I’m gonna call over to see if he can help” I mutter okay and stay in my trance. Thinking. 

A few minutes later tod walks in my room with his math books dropping them on the bed. 

“I heard I was in need of assistance,” he smiles.

“yes dude i've been stuck on this problem for like 45 minutes and sal is no help” he gestures towards me making a in't know gesture.

“Larry this is so easy look” he writes the problem out probably answering it in seconds. 

Todd sits down on the bed as Larry copies it down and finishes the paper. 

“Sal you okay” he asks and I shake my head yes. 

“ Well you seem kind of out of it dude” he says looking at me.

“Well to be honest i have been kind of out of it today since” i stop talking and it feels like i can't get the words out. 

“Since?” he questions.

“Um, so I've been talking with Travis this past week, in the bathroom. I've been trying to cheer him up y'know and” Larry interrupts me.

“You’ve been talking to Travis where?” He questions.

“In the bathroom but that is not the point” he interrupts me again.

“Why” my patience is running thin.

“LISTEN I’m trying to explain” he nods 

“I’ve noticed he’s been really sad lately and skipping classes, we’ll Monday I found him in the bathroom drinking all by himself” Travis and tod look so surprised you would think they had received live changing news.

“And I do more talking then he does but I think it helps we’ve got tons closer but today I told him it wasn’t gay for physical touch between friends” I pause when Larry smirks and Todd gives him death eyes quickly melting his smile.

“We always sit on opposite sides of the big stall door but today I put my hand underneath the door and he put his hand on mine” I say all in one breath. They both look at each other then at me. 

“Okay?” Todd says looking confused.

“And it didn't feel the same as when ash holds my hand or when me and larry hug or when you grab my arm.'' I pause “it felt different.. It felt like my stomach was gonna flip upside down, it felt like butterflies were flying all around my inside and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. '' I stop talking and look up at Todd who is smiling from ear to ear and Larry who's holding back a laugh. 

“What's so funny? Because i don't think this is very funny” i say angrily 

“Sal do you seriously not realize” larry says 

“You like travis” says todd 

“Of course I like him, he's not as mean as he seems you know” Larry puts his arm on my shoulder. 

“No you LIKE like travis” Larry says cooly with a smile. 

What? oh OH. holy shit. I totally like travis. But im not gay? Am i? I don't know anymore.

“But im not gay” i say and they smile 

“That's what I thought too,” Todd says and panic fills me. What if i really am gay. I just need some time to think about how I feel and giggling Todd and Larry are not very helpful.

“Okay thank you for the help. I really need to get to bed so you guys should leave.” I say , picking up their things and handing them to them.

“Sal it's only 7 o'clock” they say in unison.

“yeah im really tired thanks for coming over” i say pushing them out of my bedroom door. I hear them laughing as they leave the apartment. 

 This is going to be a long night.

[wonkyplate]

this isn’t how it works but i'm gonna do it anyway (tony hawks regular voice)

🎱 haven’t posted anything yet so: bookmarks 147 and gifts 1 :)

🍓 i got into writing fanfics a long time ago when i discovered fanfiction.net as pretty much a kid and i thought "hey that's neat maybe i can make my own little stories" and since then have never totally finished a fanfic 👍 it's called cosmic dread and it's terminal

🌵 not particularly writing music (but yeah it still works) and not a playlist (a beautiful album), just want to share because sturge Should be shared: https://spotify.link/ofKYQWtEjIb

🕯 eugh. like a 4 for editing. it's a love/hate relationship and i'm not sure which of us is in the wrong. we might be doomed (shaky soap opera breath) but i still love him...

🛼 oooh. okay. 🤖🚀💥⚠️🤕 ??? is this anything ???

🥑 i know who's going to send me some obscure gifs and tumblr posts about it

🥤 ahhh. i immediately wanna recommend cargocrate's star wars stuff but this is a trek/tng blog. we're not mutuals but damsondaforge's work is amazing and hits all the right spots 🫶

💌 please don’t ever ask me that again. we don't say that e-word around here

🌻 my bestie juniper :) i love u i hope ur blossoming in ur new job weehee

🐇 i'm... going to assume reader-insert means (Y/N)? i don't like reading or writing reader-inserts (sorry) because it doesn’t feel believable, to me or the audience i'm writing for. i'd rather get lost in a story than have to talk myself INTO a story everytime the reader insert does something i wouldn’t do. i love original characters though, we need more of those beauties

🧃 mm that's easy, this is like my first ever post on this blog. i'm a dog groomer and i almost faint when a dog slobbers on me 😀

🎲 ha! free time. what a concept! i get maybe 3 hours a week that i can confidently label as free time

🍄 favourite dataforge headcanon: data is the little spoon and i'm right

🧸 make me smile or laugh or cry (not in a mean way, i'm just an emotional guy)

🪐 my niece! she's the best 4 year old ever, i love her. i guess work is going well but i'm expanding the business so those three hours of spare time are in dangerous waters. my gender transition is chugging along nicely too, just waiting for my hrt appointment next month and i'm firmly on the wait list for top surgery. woohoo!

📚 a dog on the cancellation list (chow called sui mai 🧡), supplies i need to order for the salon and some crime shows my writing workshop suggested (e.g. taggart, cracker, trial and retribution etc.)

🍬 i'm pretty sure i don't have any unpopular opinions about any of the tng characters. i'm just like sitting here until u hear some unexpected snarling and frothing macbeth-style

🔪 weirdest topic has probably been about go karting and homelessness and any possible connections there. please don’t ask

🦷 nobody is assigned a timeline. do things in your own time and enjoy the seconds, minutes and hours. depression is a terrible beast that gnashes those second hands between its teeth, but once you reclaim your life - go and live it. make decisions and follow through

❄️ oooh i'm not sharing that on the big wide web but cargocrate would turn any old dust into gold. trust that guy with my life

🌿 oof. writer's block, for me, can be defined as low confidence and nothing more or less. what you write isn’t good enough, how you write isn’t good enough, who you write isn’t good enough. it's tricky but writer's block can only be conquered by practising and improving, having a strong support network of like-minded people (other writers, not just people who like to read), a healthy feedback system for all involved and a life to live and experience (to inform your work and to help create ideas). often, writer's block is just the wall you erected yourself and you're panicking because your view is limited. let go of ego, let go of the block

🥐 "minion... is that your pinis...?"

🏜 i haven’t received ao3 comments but feedback from friends is Always useful :D i prefer honesty, and i love it when people tell me what i can try in order to make the piece work better. but you can't go wrong with a solid "AAAAA-"

🍦 augh god i'm gonna get blasted but i really dislike tasha yar's character. i could talk about the technicals that led to this conclusion but we want some good things, so. i like that she was a symbol for women, at the time of airing and still today, to pursue a career that's male-dominated, and the respect she commanded in the position. i enjoyed how unapologetically stubborn she could be with safety of the crew. i honestly cannot summon more thoughts, i'm so sorry tasha

🥝 i don't lie, or i at least don't make a habit of it. i used to lie as a kid (because i got myself into some difficult situations) but hated the feeling of it. i think the last time i lied was a couple of weeks ago when i told my boss the writing workshop had gone well, but i hadn't actually gone. i'd been so defeated by period cramps that i was worried about driving on the motorway - but i wasn't about to shout this across the salon where everyone could hear

🦋 ocean vuong is always on my heart and mind. but also that fucking data & picard song. it's ripping me to pieces. i've almost memorised picard's security code

🦴 mm. science fiction in general is a huge imspiration to me, as well as drama, but my biggest helper isn't media, it's poetry :)

🍅 my biggest weakness with writing is dialogue, i think. i've always struggled with it because i struggle anticipating what Real people are going to say to me, let alone the fictional people in my head. i need to work more on drip-feeding character through dialogue and drive stories forward using it

🐚 it depends on the surprise lmao. if i have to go/be somewhere specific for the surprise, i would really rather people tell me what it is and let me choose if it's worth the time. if it's like a takeaway dinner or some extra dessert i didn’t know about, i'd be a fucking Fool in the tarot deck to turn it away

🪲 again, this feels like an opportunity for people to steal my work so nah i won't be sharing my wip on here. the wip will be shared when it's no longer a wip !

☁️ an old chat with a friend. not sure how we got talking about it but we wanted to know what we'd each look like as a plate. crate thought i'd be orange and a little wonky and i thought he'd be green and patterned. since then, i've always thought of myself as the wonky orange plate :)

🐝 i really only have a couple of friends and this post is making light work of my records 😭 okay i'll play the sentimental card instead and say, my mother. we never used to get along and came to blows (verbally) nearly every week, but much of that was my own fault for being such an angry child. i was acting out of hurt, but i shouldn’t have taken it out on her. now, we live and work together, and i can easily call her one of my best friends 🧡

🌸 mattie! he's a rescued greyhound from the racing industry over in ireland. i love him with my whole and fragile heart

🎨 hhhh there are too many pieces of fanart out there...... but i'm always a sucker for A Fistful Of Datas fanart 👀

🧩 mischaracterisation! ooc! no paragraphs/strange formatting! extremely Long paragraphs! infodumping! a genuine lack of interest to create a story that moves people (this one is tricky to define but, essentially, no substance whatsoever)!

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats  🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love 🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? 🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love 💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis 🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before 🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings 🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual? 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character 🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? 🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on ❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? 🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate 🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? 🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing 🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? 🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? 🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them 🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

[therandomavenger]

The F Word

I want to talk about a difficult subject, and to do so I’m going to have to use a word that a lot of people don’t like. It’s an F-word.

Not that one.

No, not that one either.

The word that makes people so uncomfortable is Failure (which means my grandma can read this and not get mad at me).

It turns out, I know a lot about this word, because I have failed many, many times.

I failed in my teaching career. Twice. I failed to get my A+ Technical support certification. All of these were humiliating. I’ve failed to secure many, many jobs I’ve interviewed for. I failed as a husband. I failed as a father (maybe not ultimately but there were hundreds of failures along the way). I failed and failed at online dating, getting ghosted more times than I can count. I guess I was just not that interesting.  Before starting to write seriously again in 2019, I failed at writing about four different novels. And one of the novels I did finish after 2019 I trunked and have started stripping for parts.

I’ve failed to sell about a dozen stories to paying markets. The only reason I didn’t fail at finding an agent and going the traditional publishing route was that I didn’t try. I have failed to sell a large number of books. I’ve failed to get positive attention on social media. I’ve failed to make the most of opportunities that were given to me. I failed to maintain friendships. I failed to miss the deer that ran in front of my new car a couple of years ago.

Wow. This is depressing. I promise the parade of suck is almost over.

The point is, I know what I’m talking about here. By any definition, I am a failure.

Brene Brown says that the biggest shame trigger people have is the assignment of unwanted identities. Failure is certainly one of those. We use another word, for ourselves and other people who have failed. Loser. Harsh, right? But it’s the truth.

Here’s the thing, though. Failure happens to everyone. There are thousands of stories of people who finally made it big who failed in a major way before they ever succeeded. I’m not going to recount all of those stories here, but failure has a pristine pedigree. The only people who have never failed are people who’ve never tried to do anything. There’s honor in that, at reaching for a goal, falling short, and taking your lumps. It can make us kinder, more compassionate people, and also make us strong enough to withstand the pressure when success finally comes.

And yeah, when you fail, people make comments. The people who make the meanest comments are people who’ve never really dared trying to accomplish anything major. These are people who ‘stay in their lane,’ and don’t put themselves out there. Most of the people who matter will watch you fall, wince at your pain, and offer you a hand up while they tell you their own story. Those are the people you need to pay attention to, not the ones who are making fun of you.

And for the love of God do not turn your attention to the randos on social media. Especially the anonymous ones. They don’t really know your story, and their experience is not relevant.

But here’s the biggest thing I learned about failure. When it happens, you have to take a minute. You have to feel it. Process it. Let it suck for a couple of days or a couple of months and cry about it to your best friend and/or your cousin’s wife (Hi, Lisa). I know I personally, the various times I have failed, have immediately launched myself at the next thing (which I probably also failed at, eventually), and that was a mistake. It’s true that action is good, and that doing something feels better than stewing in those awful, awful feelings. That led me to a pretty serious breakdown a couple of years ago, because I had all this unprocessed trauma from the times I had failed that had stayed lodged in my mind, and were resulting in some pretty toxic self-talk. So, yeah. Take some time. Make considered decisions. Decide if the next thing you think of is something you really want, or if it’s just a new target to aim yourself at to escape from your feelings.

Everybody hates failure, but I’ve found it’s always led to something that makes up for it. Failing as a teacher led me to a new set of circumstances that resulted in a lot more freedom. Failing as a certified technician kept me from getting into situations where I would have been in over my head doing real damage. Failing as a husband liberated both me and my wife from a life that was serving neither of us. My failures as a parent, when I acknowledged and apologized for them, led me to a deeper relationship with my adult children. Failing at online dating made me remember this guy I’d met a couple of years before, and who I’d been thinking about, prompting me to search him out again. Now I’m in the happiest relationship of my life and we’re getting married October 12th (This was definitely the best outcome for that story).

Failure gives you the opportunity to rethink what you’re doing, and figure out what you really want. It clarifies your values. It gives you the opportunity to recreate yourself as a new, more authentic version. In order to rise from the ashes, a Phoenix first needs to burn.

Failure doesn’t have to be permanent. Success certainly never is. And failing in one thing can lead to success in something more important later. I thank God I am not working some soul-sucking tech job right now, and have avoided the way teaching as a career has collapsed. Like I said before, if you’ve never failed, you’ve never really tried to do anything important.

And these days … I would not consider myself a professional success. You could even say I’ve failed as a novelist, and if making money was my goal, that’s certainly true. Here’s the thing, though. I am proud of the work I am putting out, and more importantly, I have loved the process of creating it. I get to spend my days being creative, and though I am no means a financial success, I know there are many people who would kill for my life. I am also pursuing an art degree, which is a brand new area for me. Will I fail at this? Possibly! Maybe even likely. But if I do, I will take a minute, cry for a couple of days, then thank the universe for the experience, and think deeply about what it is that I want to do next.

There’s always something new coming up. That is the universe’s greatest gift.   

[wolftails-funkin-arts]

Here are Infinitys older sibling's lol

Cosmo:Infinitys only sister and is the youngest of Infinitys older sibling's. She's a loving sister and really kind person. Although she does have a sassy attitude at times but is there. Often usually discovering other planet's with her older brothers so they rarely see Infinity. Despite this their among one of the only real normal Collector families. She does have a bit of depression since she doesn't have a twin and is the only girl.....UNTIL she met Redstar (whose hair are the same) and they immediately fell in love. Yes she's lesbian and actively dating Red and Purplestar....but she has a decent relationship with Blue and Greenstar. But when she met the other girlstars she felt conflicted cause she found them all really cute.....but when she overheard/ saw them cuddling/bring flirty with the others......she.........was....HAPPY AS HECK. Which essentially made them all get a few extra girlfriends...she's really supportive of her girlfriends insecurities and would be really supportive of Betas issues.....she also likes bragging about how she's dating hotties(she's the only one whose not single)

Sexuality:Homosexual

Nova:He's one of the twins alongside his brother Sirius...and the two are roughly exactly the same in personality. They actively both support Cosmo being lesbian and her being polyamourus (to be honest if you were to come out infront of Collector's they probably won't care)....also fun fact when Infinity was a baby he challenged him to a crawling race....Infinity beat him by 20 seconds and was salty about it....which his siblings give him stuff about all the time (Infinity had no memory of this)....but they do get along perfectly well. He often writes about the species while Sirius reads books about it....but every now and then they randomly switch sometimes.

Sexuality:Heterosexual

Sirius:The other twin and bookworm. The two are usually calm and collected and often think things through. He read a sad book and waa sensitive for 3 billion years (so whenever he mocks Nova about the crawl Nova can mock him).....but still. He can finish books about the history of universes/planets/species really quickly and had knowledge of thousands of species/planet's etc. Nova also has the knowledge and Cosmo....their all just about equal in terms of knowledge

Sexuality:Heterosexual

Atlas:The oldest and looks similar to Infinity. He's often quite and shy but is a sweety. He usually is in charge of the four when it comes to assignments or something but usually goes off on his own....also is aro ace sooo Cosmo doesn't taunt him....so in terms of personality/ character he's like B3 Infinity

Sexuality:Aro ace

Facts

Theyd definitely get along well with the other Infinitys and would be disgusted at what Soft Infinitys family did to him

Only Cosmo is polyamourus

They hated The Archivists when they were shrunk to their size but nowadays they don't hate them as much

Theyd definitely keep an eye out on Zodwa but they like her

Their probably one of the only actual functioning families

Theyd LOVE baby Infinity and would be excited finally getting their baby brother back

Theyd get along with the boy,girlfriends and Picos (even though they were kinda pricks to Infinity initially but you'll see why....though)

Theyd also get along well with Zion and his sibling's

B3 Infinity is probably Atlases favorite Infinity (not counting the OG or baby one)

They do have the B3,Neo,British and Minus versions but they might not appear....but they'd like them

Cosmo is the most sensitive and definitely cries(the others don't)

Cosmos brothers are probably not aware of how lonely she feels until they overhear Cosmo going over time with Redstar

Cosmo has some good muscles

In a hypothetical scenario if someone showed Infinity the ***** mod (I'll let you guess what mod it is.......) and it traumatizes him their all hunting that person down

They would be GENUINELY surprised when they heard about Infinity roasting Luz and her pals (and be really proud)

They can tolerate cigars or cigarettes none of them smoke though

Atlas is usually quite for no real reason

Cosmo would be pretty flustered with Minus Redstar (she"d also fall for her hypnotic heartbeat pretty easily)

Aight probably tonight will be Zion and his sibling's

Wowie :O

[commander-quack-to-the-bridge]

Sooo I know this is my Star Trek page and I don't think I have ever mentioned Yuri on Ice here in the entire time that I've had this account seeing as the two of them have nothing to do with each other.

But I am a writer and plan on writing Star Trek fanfiction at some point (I definitely have a very rough draft in my notes somewhere centered around Spock in the AOS timeline...so these lovely characters will join my Ao3 soon)

I've been writing in the style of novels since I was in the 6th grade. I wrote my first short story as an assignment in 5th grade and realized how much I love it. And going even further back, my mom still has the "first book" that I ever wrote from when I was about 8 and wrote my day in chronological order, complete with stick figure illustrations. :') It's in an old CD case from like 2003 and honestly, I love that for me.

Anyways, writing is important to me. And the anime Yuri on Ice is also incredibly important to me. I connect to characters better than real people very often and I took to the main character in Yuri on Ice immediately. It was also one of the first shows that I'd seen as an adult with a good depiction of mental health issues. And the best part was there's no villain. The only "bad guy" in the show ever is self-doubt. Oh, and it's a love story - not just romantic love, platonic love, the love of a parent, the love of a sport, the love of yourself. It meant so much to me at frankly, the worst time of my life.

I came up with the original idea for this story back in 2017, right after I finished the show with my friend for the first time. When I started writing this it was a story of loss, depression, sadness. Almost 6 years later I've created a story that is still about loss but I like to think that it's going to be so much more than that as well. Only time will tell, I suppose.

I published originally on Halloween in 2021. I've updated twice since then, most recently last night on Halloween 2023. I could sit and give myself a hard time for taking so long to get it written. But this story is important to me and I want to do it properly. So when I fell out of touch with the fandom and the story itself, I took a step back from it.

About three days ago something made me want to finish the next chapter and update the story. So I did. And I am so happy that I did.

I love this story. It's something that I've poured my soul into and it will forever be a part of me. I tried to create something that is true to the fandom but that can also be enjoyed in its entirety even having never seen the show.

So if you like fanfiction, and you have a spare minute, it would really mean a lot to me if you checked out the story.

And even if you don't, I appreciate you reading this far!!! :)

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

[moxigejuan]

I have always been reluctant to show my vulnerable side in front of my family. It's hard for me to say why, but they seem to have a hard time accepting the negative parts of me.

Dad's panic on the phone made me at a loss. I immediately started trying to control my emotions and say something to comfort him. Even though seconds before, I was the one looking for comfort.

As I got older, my relationship with my parents confuses me more and more. My mother probably thinks that I have no advantages, or she has never thought about this issue herself. I have always felt that my father has the most confidence in me in the whole family, but he seems unable to accept some of my negative emotions.

I think it's a little unfair. Or it means that their way of looking at the problem is relatively one-sided. Any achievement or progress I make, they all come with a price. I am constantly draining, my physical health, my mental health.

I rarely feel that I have any ability, I just keep pushing myself. Dad said, don't push yourself so much. But I got all of these at such a price.

I don't like people telling me not to think so much. But if I don't want to so much, why should I do it? With the bright sunshine and breeze outside the window, why can't I go out for a walk? Why should I complete these meaningless assignments in the room?

Dad asked me some questions. In summary there are two questions, what happened and why am I like that. I don't know how to answer these two questions.

In fact, I didn't hide anything from him. It's as if nothing happened. I told him about my latest assignment. He said don't take it so seriously. But I didn't even have the energy to do it.

Why am I like this. I don't know why I am like this. It all seemed to happen suddenly. I remember I was writing that thesis in mid-April. I spent a lot of time writing it, and the quality of the finished product is not bad. It wasn't as bad back then as it is now. Just over a month has passed.

Dad asked me how the other classmates were doing. That's pretty much my worst fear. I was locked up in the dormitory and in the isolation hotel. I heard the words again and again, "Everyone is the same as you." This is not a consolation, but a doubt. Why can others do it but I can't.

Not being like everyone else can be defined as a failure. This kind of thinking can appear in any situation. For example, why can't I be as happy as others.

This feeling drives me to despair. When I longed for understanding and comfort I got doubts. why. I'm not even allowed to be depressed. I can only be happy, complete all my tasks efficiently, and meet everyone's expectations of me. As ludicrous as it is intellectually, long-term brainwashing and domestication have produced remarkable affect, when I'm depressed I panic. I began to wonder if I was too mentally fragile or too incapable to handle these tasks as calmly as others.

Seems like an endless loop. When I'm depressed I doubt myself and it makes my depression worse. I shudder to hear my family bragging about my accomplishments to others. Only I know that there is an abyss behind it. It seems that I had a vague premonition of this before this. There will be a day when it will run out.

[legos-v1]

Today was a hard day. Due to my sleeping schedule being off for the thousandth time in the past year, I took sleep medicine to knock myself out last night. Sure, I get to sleep at a reasonable time, but this medicine seems to always have a side effect of making my depression skyrocket when I wake up.

For the past two years I've been attempting to heal from a traumatic situation. It took me until the beginning of this year to finally find the energy to go to therapy.

I've been to therapy two other times previously, but lucky for me, third time's the charm, I really resonate with my current therapist, so a lot more progress has happened.

But digging through old bones, finding trauma that I didn't even realize was trauma, and intense self-reflection really takes its toll on my mind and body.

But I still have to go to work in the morning.

And today was a hard day.

I tried to get a treat for breakfast this morning, just a coffee and a donut, to try and ease the deluge of depressive thoughts intensely swirling through my brain. All it really did was just warm me up a bit. I received an email from one of my professors, informing me that I did very poorly on an assignment, and must attend a meeting with her later today. This professor has a policy where you fail any assignment, you fail the entire course; I'm sure you could understand that my anxiety has now skyrocketed.

The dreadful anticipation was hard to bear.

Before this meeting, I had a class to attend. Still feeling bad, I decided to go to a vending machine and get a soda as another treat.

The machine took my money and vended nothing. Great.

I ended up walking to a campus store and buying one.

Now attending the class, said soda I bought was upsetting my stomach, on top of the anxiety of aforementioned meeting taking place immediately after this class. Great.

Walking back to my computer, where I would attend this virtual meeting, I took longer than anticipated to cross a busy road, and was now running late to this meeting. Great.

As soon as I attempted to launch Zoom to meet with my professor, my entire computer froze, leading to my professor having to call me on my phone, only for this call to only last a minute or two as my computer started working, making the exchange quite awkward.

Then came possibly the hardest part of the day.

She asked why it was incomplete, and I explained that I simply ran out of time. I gave her the excuse that I'm taking lots of higher-level courses, and it was challenging to balance the workload.

I had to hold back tears avoiding telling her the truth; that I saw myself as a horrible failure for not completing this one assignment. That I'm so overwhelmed, not by just school, but fighting my own brain and its negative thoughts, by everything. It's hard for me to do anything. I can't just infodump my entire personal life onto who is essentially a stranger. I couldn't tell her how completely distraught I was failing this assignment, as failing it meant more than just getting a bad grade. Failing this would mean failing her entire class, and failing her entire class means I can't graduate, and not graduating would force me against the crushing reality that I don't have what it takes to succeed. That no matter how hard I wanted to get this all over with, I'll be forced to endure it even longer. I bet everything that I would graduate this summer, and even structured my future around that. Failing this would mean everything, my entire life, was about to get ten times harder.

And today was already a hard day.

I told her I did not have time to redo the assignment this week, as I already have two other assignments that are due, plus another assignment from her also this week. She essentially forced me to schedule another meeting with her for this weekend to finish it.

Immediately after closing the meeting I just broke down crying. I wanted nothing more than just to go home and sleep.

I didn't have the luxury of sleeping for long, however, because I had another assignment due tonight that I hadn't started yet.

So I just slept for a few hours, got back up, finished that assignment, and here I am, around 11pm, feeling a lot of feelings.

-------------------------------------------------------

If you're reading this, and relate to any of this, I'm sure that you also know that these days are not rare. These days where every little thing just gets to you, and everything just feels so overwhelming. Those days where every coping mechanism doesn't work, every grounding technique is useless, and your mind wins every single time.

A day like this is not the first, and it is far from the last.

Maybe, even today, you're going through a day just like mine.

You are not alone in days like these. And I see phrases like that thrown around to try and be positive, but they always feel empty. "You're not alone! just stop being sad <3"

No, what I want is to show you that you are not alone. I want to prove it to you.

We will all have our rough times, and we will all have our good times.

When the going gets rough, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Life's too complicated to be going at it alone. Reach out to those you trust, those closest to you, confide in them. Find those people that heal you emotionally, and stick with them. Even occasionally open up to them. You can't keep all your pain locked inside of you; it festers and rots if left untreated.

When you're feeling good, don't forget to share it. Send a message to your friends, a funny image or video, or just strike up a conversation. Doesn't really matter. It's impossible for you to know how someone's day is going without them telling you in some way; some may not want to tell others about it anyway, so don't worry about it. Whether someone's having a good or bad day, it would never hurt to make it even better, no?

Life can seem pretty hopeless a lot of the time. Constantly bombarded by horrible news of horrible things happening. That, on top of what you are personally going through.

We get through it all together. Help others when you can, and, even more importantly, accept the help of others.

Life's too complicated to go at it alone.