#but it's hard to watch sometimes when english's not your 1st language...

[renetess-a]

Hello new hyperfixation

[devilanon]

hello!! i’d like to ask for your thoughts on simon with a partner who has an oral fixation? sorry for bad english, it’s not my 1st language ❤️

Your english is perfect dear! Very good ask thank you : D [nsfw below]

He honestly finds it a bit distracting at first, and not in a good way. He gives you a sideways glance when he catches you chewing gum during a debriefing, playing with it, rolling it into a ball against the roof of your mouth. His gaze could wither flowers with how potently annoyed he looked. "Fuckin' spit it out, corporal." You look a little bit like a kicked puppy, then. "...Yes, Lieutenant."

He comes to realize it's not just you being distracted, or uninterested in what's going on around you. It's a compulsion, almost. A self-soothing method. You do it near constantly. You suck and gnaw on the straws to your drinks long after they've been drained, suckle on the sleeves or collars of your shirts. You'll even chew at your own lip in the absence of anything else. After he notices it, he can't help but watch your lips and jaw working, the tease of your pink, wet tongue darting out every so often to wet your lips or swipe against whatever it was you had in your mouth at the time.

God help him when summer comes around and you start keeping frozen popsicles on base as a snack. He's staring, transfixed by how perfectly content you look with something cold and wet and sweet in your hot mouth, sucking absent-mindedly, like you couldn't care less about the sticky sugary juice staining your lips and trailing down your chin. You beam up at him, popping your treat wetly out of your mouth. "Blue raspberry. I have some more in the freezer." His eyes don't leave your lips, plump and swollen from the cold dessert. His voice is a bit of a strained rasp. "No thanks."

And when he finally gets to take advantage of it, the sheer enthusiasm with which you suck on his fingers makes the blood rush to his cock. Your tongue is swirling around his thumb, licking against the pad of it, sucking it further in like you're desperate for something to occupy your mouth. "Freud would have a fuckin' field day with you," he breathes, shivering when you moan around the intrusion.

Keeps you on his cock constantly. Whenever he can get away with it. He has your mouth around him even when he's flaccid, just finishing paperwork or watching a program on the television. Of course, he eventually gets hard under your attention, but the way you lay at his feet, suckling on his soft cock, looking demure and docile... it does something to him. He'll let you cockwarm him under his desk, slowly fucking into your mouth, letting you set the pace. It goes on for hours, sometimes, when you need it to, when you need that heavy weight in your mouth to keep you calm and steady. He grinds his hips, feeling the slow drag of his cock against your rough tongue; you suckle on his tip after he comes, cleaning up your mess, and the sight of your lips making a pretty little ring around his head makes him swear and groan.

[virgo-pisces]

My 1st astro observations!!!

All observations are based on my personal experiences.

Even If I'm into astrology for more than 5 years, I'm not a professional astrologer.

English is not my 1st language.

Credit goes to @virgo-pisces

✨ As a Pisces Rising, I never get along well with Pisces Sun people - we always had some drama! I observed that I'm not alone, because my friends usually dislike people with the same sun sign as their rising sun!

✨Idk but maybe because Sagittarius is a ruler of 9th house - house of higher education, philosophy, exploring new horizons etc. - people with Sagittarius Mercury, which I have many around me, loves reading books! For example! My dad is a Sagittarius Mercury, and he loves books, especially this one's about history! Same as my Sagittarius Sun and Mercury friend, but maybe because of his Mercury sign being in 10th house - he loves books about finances!

✨Combability: Libra Venus and Capricorn Venus is a no, no : ( Even If both are Cardinal signs, and I saw so many couples with this Venus signs together - they really often end with broken heart, especially when Capricorn Venus is in Retrograde or bad aspected :{ - BUT, as we all know it depends on good aspects, and other placements too!

✨If you want amazing connection, and a friend with the same sense of humor - look for the same Mars sign as yours! I have Leo Mars, and every time when I have this specific cool vibe with someone, stress-free, very loose conversation - I knew that they probably have the same Mars as me! - works the same with Rising and Mars in the same sign!

✨Awww Aquarius, and Pisces placements in the same chart - Hello my delulu babies!!! - I'm the one too lol

✨BUT NGL! If you have 12th house placements, especially in Moon and Sun - you can manifest anything being delulu... Me and two of my friends... they have 12th in Sun, I have 12th house stellium, and sometimes we really should watch our mouths 🤐

✨HELLO??? Is there any PISCES VENUS MALE??? Like??? How to flirt with you, I'm so done... Why it's so hard to get to know y'all 😫 I met this Pisces Stellium guy (Moon, Venus and Mercury) - and I really don't know how to act, what I should do - like, NEVER T__T We have pretty good synastry, but Pisces Venus Female, and Male are so hard to read... basing on my experience ofc : ") I have Aries Sun/Pisces Venus sister, and she told me that she would never tell anyone that she likes him or her T__T, she can dream about someone but 🤐....maybe he is the same 😂 cuz he is an Aries Sun too : |

✨I don't know whyyy, but actually we choose people with the same sign as our 2nd, and 8th house @__@ I checked my Virgo Rising, and Capricorn Rising friend Badoo matches (lol) and they both had almost only Libra and Aries Sun guys (Virgo Rising), and 2nd one had Aquarius, and Leo Sun guys (Capricorn Rising)....and I'm the same.... I had all my dates only with Aries and Libra Suns 👀 Please, let me know If this applies to you!

Thats all for today pretty people!!! 🌸

May the Venus retrograde run peaceful for you! lol

[sweetflanfiction]

Second Chances - Part 2

Universe: Read Dead Redemption 2

Pairing: Arthur x reader

Disclaimers and Warnings: Not finished, not proofread. English isn't my 1st language. All I know about 1899 is from google, so inacuracies will be plenty. The reader is on the older side, and identifies as a female

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

• ··········· • ············ •

You were halfway up the stairs, tray in hand with a bowl filled with chicken soup and a mug filled with water. The sound of a gravely moan and grunt startled you. Maneuvering the tray carefully you took two steps at a time and pushed the door to the guest room with your shoulder.

The bed was in a corner of the room, opposite the door, with a big window behind it. This window was open as the Doc advised. Next to the door was a tall chest of drawers and at the foot of the bed, leaning against a wall was a wooden wardrobe. The room was cramped, but it was mostly used by people who helped out on the farm. After a day in the field, most of them were too tired to care.

The sickly man was sitting upright on the bed, his eyes dazed and confused, his skin coated with sweat, breathing hard, like he had just woken up from a nightmare. 

"Hey there, friend." You said, placing the tray on a tall chest of drawers and turning to him with a soft non-threatening smile.

He looked up at you, surprised, as he held up a hand weakly, when he saw you come over. This made you stop in your tracks.

"Don't!" He moaned, his voice low from not having been used for a while. "I'm sick..."

"I know." You told him, grabbing the lantern from the tray and lighting it. "Doc came and checked on ya. Said you were recovering from the flu. He's bringing medicine tomorrow, but today this is all we got."

"Flu?" He asked, his tone matching his questioning face, his eyes unfocused as his mind drifted elsewhere.

"We thought it was worse too, but no. Seems the heat and being left on the rocks made you sicker than the sickness." You smiled softly at him, leaning against the wall next to the door.

"I..." He cleared his throat and sighed, shaking his head.

You couldn't see his face very well. However, you noted the sharp creases on his forehead appear and disappear as he seemed to have an argument in his head. A groan ended the argument and he fell on the bed, the mattress creaking under his weight, hands on his face, a shallow breath coming to him.

"Right…" you assented, feeling your presence wasn't helpful to the man at that point. You grabbed the tray and quietly placed it on top of the bedside table. "There's water and chicken soup. You should eat it while it's warm. And rest."

The stranger took his hands off his face and turned to the bedside table. He sighed heavily and nodded, rising again on the bed, his back to the headboard and grabbed the tray. He swayed a bit, but seemed calm. When you moved to help him, he shook his head and you stepped back.

"If you need anything else just shout, or grunt...or....something." You told him walking back to the door.

"Thank you..." You heard him mumble.

• ··········· • ············ •

Five days passed and while the man got better, he also got quieter. You or your father would visit him, give him food that he ate slowly, give him that awful smelling medicine tea that he dutifully drank after the doc explained what it was for, but he didn't talk that much after that first night.

You got curious about him and would often find yourself leaning against the wall of his temporary room, watching him for a while. You noticed his build: big, strong, built like a brickhouse even though he seemed frail because of the sickness.

His breathing got quieter as the days passed, that nasty bubbly sound in his throat disappearing almost completely. His fever took longer, sometimes he woke up suddenly, startling you. He would do his best to be polite, letting out a raspy ‘good evening’, but then would just lay down again and turn his back to you. 

On the sixth day, you were cleaning the kitchen after lunch, while your father left to handle business on the ranch. A loud noise came from upstairs. It sounded like furniture being dragged and something crashing on the floor. Mac barked at the noise and you both ran up to the guest room, knocking the door wide open.

The stranger was having an imaginary fight with an imaginary person, while still lying in bed. Sheets half clung to his body, half thrown around the bed. He had knocked on the bedside table with enough force to throw the water jug that sat on it, to the floor. This explained the ruckus you heard.

He was muttering angrily under his breath. Most of the words were unintelligible, but you caught some. Dutch, jobs and death.

You tried to avoid being caught by his limbs as you gently placed a hand on his forehead. He was burning and the closest water source was spilled on the floor. You jumped back and ran outside. The water pump had the coldest water around.

Mac stayed by the man's side, pacing the room and growling. The dog seemed tense, not understanding what was happening. 

Kneeling on the floor with a bucket filled with the water you dunked a rag in and, almost forcefully, put it on the stranger's forehead. He winced in pain and surprise, mumbling a slew of curse words, but after a few seconds he calmed down a bit. He breathed heavily and his brows were wrinkled, his expression still livid.

“It’s alright cowboy. I got you.” You spoke softly. “Don’t let the demons get to you."

“No…Always a plan…” He mumbled back at me.

“You gotta have those sometimes.” You replied, trying to subdue him back into a relaxed state.

“All of them… dead… Hosea…” His expression changed to sadness, while yours became questioning.

“It’s okay friend. Nobody is dying right now.”

“No more…” He whispered.

“I got you, you’re safe.” You kept whispering. 

He hummed and finally became calm and quiet. You sat on the floor, taking the rag away from his head, submerging it again in the cold water and placing it back. With a sigh you leaned back into your hands. 

“Whatever happened to him, did a number on the man.” You heard your father’s voice from behind you, saying exactly what you were thinking.

“He was talking about people dying..." You replied, stretching your legs under the bed and looking back to see your father leaning against the door frame, cleaning his hands with a dirty cloth.

“I heard. Maybe he wasn’t the only one left behind on rocks to die. That amount of anger…That’s not from one bad day…” You heard the older man sigh heavily. “Let him rest. He needs it.”

You nodded after a while, getting up to change the rag, looking at the unconscious man’s face. You unconsciously moved a piece of hair from his burning forehead and he sighed. The anger was forgotten, replaced with quiet sadness.

“Fight them demons, cowboy. Don’t let them get to you.” You repeated and walked away from him.

• ··········· • ············ •

@photo1030

[mrsjavierp]

Where you belong?

Chapter 5 - Die For You

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe (not so accurate), bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only your clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator - 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N:

So, I'm using narcos universe, but screwing up the timeline because we need plots and things for our couple. Nevertheless, just a warning for the accuracy of the series. Btw, I'd love to know about you're thinking about it so far! Your opinion is really important! Tks <3

**

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

After an investigation we did together with the CIA and the Mili Group, we finally had proof about La Catedral. 

Steve, Javier and I were discussing the possibilities and what Noonan would authorize. At the end, I knew what to do first: talk to Gaviria.

We were running against time and Escobar again...

"Yes, ambassador. I know it's risky... But I know we can screw that MF and try to bring Escobar to the US. I'll talk to Gaviria, let me handle it." 

Noonan sighed, I finally won.

"Don't disappoint me, Y/LN. You've done a hell of a job in NYC and have been doing it in Colombia. We trust you. You've got a backup plan?"

"Yes. Already on it, even with plan A working. We're not stopping until we get the motherfucker."

"Good luck, keep me posted."

I called Steve and Peña to my office. 

"I'm heading to Bogota. I need to talk to Gaviria in person about it all."

"I'm going with you, jefe." - Javier said.

"No need to. As a matter of fact, I need you both here... We need to be ready to all that'll happen to La Catedral. My gut is feeling really bad."

They both knew what it meant: bad things for sure. My gut were never wrong, unfortunately. Sometimes early, but never wrong.

*

When I tried to reach, none of them were available.

Something is off... I reached even for Connie and she lied to my face. I'm gonna chop someone's head off.

When I arrived back at the office, my head was spinning: 

An informant confirmed Moncada’s and Galeano's deaths a few days ago, meaning that Escobar was losing his senses.  Was that the La Catedral effect? What will be his next move? The Colombian media were, by the way, publicizing it badly. Noonan would fuck me and the rest of the DEA, probably, if she didn't got fired before that. I knew how the US thought about it. And, the cherry on top: Javier and Steve missing.

I was really fucking overwhelmed. 

A couple of hours later, while I was tracing possible steps for Escobar, trying to think like him, Steve showed up at my office. 

"Murphy, what the fuck? Where the fuck were you?"

At the same time, Javier barged in: "Y/LN, I've gotta talk to you, it's urgent! I think Steve..."

"Hey, man."

"Peña, close this fucking door now!" - I yelled, furious.

I turned on the TV.

"Watch it: it's a fucking disaster. The Colombian army is outside La Catedral, Sandoval just entered... Brace yourselves."

They looked at each other, in silence.

"Here's what I think and what I'm doing: I'm suspending both of you, for a week. Stay low. I know you both tipped the media. Major Wysession told me about what you asked him, Peña... Don't you ever do that again. When I arrived here, I told all of the DEA to be straight with me and I'd be straight with you... Don't go to Wysession or Noonan or anyone. Come to me. I'll handle it. And Murphy, let me guess, Cali? Co-operation proposal?"

Steve swallowed hard.

Javier turned his face away from me.

I poured a glass of whiskey for myself.

"You better hope that Noonan doesn't get me fired."

"Y/LN, yes. Cartel de Cali kidnapped me. They didn't like that we helped kill a few of them, but apparently there was someone innocent among them..."

His words faded away as the TV announced about Escobar's escape.

*

Narrator's POV

Escobar ran off again. 

Noonan got... A nice retirement.

You maintained your position, since Crosby knew and liked how you worked, but didn't stop you from hearing a bunch of shit.

You send Peña and Murphy to check La Catedral, but nothing worked.

"Here's the deal, niños. We're moving to CNP headquarters. Pinzón is such an ass, but I'm working on it. He hates our kind, but who doesn't in Colombia? He threw the tip line on my lap and I'm giving it to you."

"Telephone Operator? Really? Fuck me..." - Murphy complained.

Javier was... Distant. Weird in your eyes. You pretend not to care.

Something is off... - you thought.

Weeks passed since he last touched you, in that pool. A few casual happy hours, catching glimpses. Smirks. 

When you touched yourself, even without your vibrator, his image was right there: crystal clear in your mind.

You were almost giving up drinking your beloved whiskey and dear cigars... To be healthy? 

Fuck, no.

The whiskey's flavor and the cigar's scent remind you of his breath. You wanted to keep him far, but it was becoming unbearable.

"Be patient, you two. I'm not allowed to say much for now. At least pretend to do something. I'm working on our budget and relations with both governments."

After a few screw ups from the agents, as they captured Bush and became a joke, the days were appearing longer and harder. You were practically going insane to prove Crosby, the soon to be new ambassador, that your new, big and, overall, expensive plan was going to work.

You only needed a little luck...

Until it happened: the tip line handed to you three La Quica, one of Escobar's sicarios.

"Pinzón, I'll be a car and two men. Don't make me push further. We're just checking, we're not going to alarm'em." - you told him.

He sighed, made a joke about the fake calls... But said yes. 

As you all prepared to go, Murphy received a call from Connie and she told she was leaving Colombia.

"No, Con, please... Just listen!" - Steve was desperate.

"Murphy, go to the airport. You're not going with us. Go talk to your family, now!" - you spoked at him and he ran off.

"Let's go, boys. We all want La Quica." - I said.

*

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

"I swear, I don't know this one!" - Javier defended himself.

"I already told you, we don't care, Peña. But is this new? It's gotta be, as you don't know it..." - I joked, my heart was a little broken. 

The other cops laughed, as Peña rolled his eyes.

I didn't want to admit that his fame towards prostitutes and brothels made me jealous and a little resentful. 

He'd never know about how I felt nor my... Preference for a certain sextoy baptized after him.

"Stop by the payphone, back here." - I hid my gun and put on a cap, to match my jeans, sneakers and plain shirt. I could pass without no one noticing. - "Vamonos." (Let's go)

Me, Javier and one of the cops got out of the car, one by one.

But someone spotted us and told La Quica.

Out of the sudden, we're running around and, at the market, behaving as a predator hunting a prey. 

That place was so hot, so crowded... I couldn't see anything... Until he glanced before my eyes.

"Gotcha, pendejo." - I ran as fast as my legs could and a bit more. 

A fucking cross-fire started out of the blue and I had to hold a little.

Fuck! - I cursed alone.

I needed to think fast: we're just four and didn't know who to shoot.

Fuck it! I'm going after him! - I decided.

"Someone cover for me!" - I yelled and ran off again. I didn't have an answer before going.

*

Narrator's POV:

"Fuck! Where is she?" - Peña yelled.

When the shots stopped, they saw how the Colombians were frightened. They just wanted peace, not gringos and narcos shooting around.

"Where the fuck is my jefe?" - Javier asked again, screaming, to the other cops, seeing red, looking for you. The veins on his neck were bulging.

The backup arrived shortly with Pinzón.

"My men are looking for her, she went after one of the big fish. Some nerve the girl got, gotta say." - Pinzón mocked.

The other cops held Javier, asking for him to calm down.

Javier'd burn all the fuck down, until he finds you.

"Let me go. Not in the mood." - he said to the poor guy.

"Peña, look! It's her!" - He pointed out to you, a little bit hurt, your pink shirt torn and dirty.

Smiling like a kid on Christmas morning, you came out of nowhere, a little hurt, a few bruises starting to appear, your blouse dirty and torn up... But still looking pleased: a victorious agent.

Coming closer to Peña and Pinzón, you start:

"¡Mis amigos, mira que cosita más bonita tengo acá! I'd like to formally introduce you to this pendejo... Not La Quica this time, but we've got Luiz Rodriguez." (My friends, look what a beautiful thing I've got!)

"In my car I have a bag with 50 grand. If you give me one hour, I can make it ten times bigger." - he offered.

You burst out laughing at him.

"Oh, mi regalito..." (my little gift) - You had started, as one of Pinzón's men put on some handcuffs and you fondled his cheek. - "You're going to Disneyland. Don't worry, we're gonna take so much care of you, mi tesoro." (My treasure)

Javier knew you're mocking that sicario, but he still felt something awful on his chest, 'cause you're supposed to call him those sweet names, not that thug.

*

Arriving at the building, you and Javier went to the locker room, to change before going home. 

"Y/N, you scared the shit out of me. Luiz did all of these injuries? Or has anyone helped him? I swear, if there's someone else, I'll..." - he started, looking worried at you.

Y/N's POV - 1st Person

"No, Peña." - I interrupted him, as I searched for clothes in my locker. - "You're not doing anything. I can take care of myself."

Javier punched his locker hard as fuck.

"I thought I lost you! Don't ever do that again!" - he yelled.

I laughed, in a sarcastic tone, observing him. He seemed actually worried. 

"You know what, Peña? I don't care!" - I lifted my blouse, showing my huge scar on my ribs. - "Can you see it?" - his face shifted from pissed to desolated, as my eyes watered. He looked at another place. - "No! Don't turn! Take a nice long look at it! - My tone was so harsh. His eyes were so sad. - I always take care of myself! I've been alone in this world for as long as I remember, Peña. It's not my first fight on the field, it's not gonna be the last!"

His face was devastated... He felt sorry for me?

"Are you sorry for me, Peña? Oh, grow up! Why do you even care if I die or live? I know you hate me! And you know what? I fucking hate your guts as well!" - I screamed.

He remained silent. Why?

I started to change to a black shirt. I needed to leave.

I walked to the door, but when I noticed, he was behind me, holding it, not letting me leave.

"Y/N, cariño, I know you can take care of yourself, you've been doing that for a while now..." - he whispered in my ear. - "I heard you, by the way... Yes, I heard while you took care of yourself almost every night."

I swallowed hard, thinking:

Oh fuck, he heard me... Oh no...

"However, you called out my name, didn’t  you?" - he continued.

I leaned on the door pressing my back against it, turning to face him as Javier got on his knees and looked at my with those puppy brown eyes and said:

"Let me make your fantasy come true, cariño... Let me be your good boy, your obedient soldier."

His hands started to take off my boots and socks, one by one.

After that, he unbuttoned my jeans and slowly, so slowly, put it down to my feet, throwing it somewhere...

There I was, only in underwear and a shirt, my skin felt hot. 

His eyes never left mine.

I took off my shirt and bra and, lastly, his hands took off my red panties, at a slow pace, as if he was trying not to scare me off.

There I was, naked in front of Javier. 

He seemed to be thinking on what to do first, until he said:

"Tell me what you want, cariño. Let me be your good boy."

I just nodded positively.

"Words, please. Use your big beautiful mouth, cariño."

"Y-y-yes, Javi... Put your lips on me, show me how good you are..." - my voice barely came out.

He smiled, picked up one of my legs over his shoulder exposing me. His lips met my folds, oh so soft, so delicate... My hand grabbed his hair, pulling closer. 

He explored me, without any rush, as if he wanted to last as long as possible... Teasing my hole, opening me up with the tip of his tongue, fucking me. My clit throbbed, as my pussy clenched around his tongue.

I bit my lips, trying to stay quiet, my eyes closed. I couldn't look down, I was almost ashamed.

"Mmm..." - I sobbed, pulling his hair harder.

He slipped two fingers in me, and taking his mouth off me, said:

"Look at me, cariño, open your beautiful eyes while I make you feel good. Am I doing, at least, a nice job?" - he smirks, knowing he was. I opened my eyes, looking down, probably blushing. No one ever made me look as I was being eaten out. - "A little reassurance won't kill you."

"Y-y-yeah, Peña..." - I managed to say.

Oh, fuck.

His thumb met my clit, putting a gentle pressure as his middle and index fingers touched my g-spot.

"You can do better than that, cariño..." - he grinned, asking for more. - "You wet half of my face, Hermosa, you can call me Javi again."

"¡Hijo de puta!" - I cursed. - "Make me come on your lips, for God's sake... Be my good boy, Peña." - I asked.

He smiled and got back to suck my clitoris, making me shake under his touch. 

I came so hard, dripping all over Javier, calling out his name.

He took off one finger, slowing his pace. A very satisfied "hum" came out of him.

"You taste like heaven... You were such a good girl for me, cariño... But I'm greedy, you know? I want more from you and your sweet little pussy." - he smiled. - "I wanna see you beggin'... I'm not stopping now."

I was still burning from my first orgasm. 

Javier Jesus Peña was trying to kill me, for sure.

My hand traveled from his hair to his cheek, caressing him. 

"Javi... I'm only gonna say this once: do what you want with me. Do what you want to my body. I'm yours for tonight."

His finger left me, leaving me empty. 

Oh, fuck.

He stood up, looking deep in my eyes.

"My place or yours?" - he questioned. 

"Yours." - I responded, barely breathing.

He picked up my clothes, helped me get dressed and we went to his place.

Next

[zaobitouguang]

re you mentioning Middlebury and ICLP in your last answer: I did Middlebury for a summer, and I think the adherence to the lang pledge depended on level. There were 5 or 6 levels, and once you got to the lower-advanced levels and above, people typically tried to stick to the pledge. I know for a fact that lower levels did not always adhere to the pledge all the time, but for the most part you'd hear people speaking in Chinese! Pretty sure the complete beginners had a partial pledge for the first couple weeks. When people dropped the language pledge, it was usually in 1:1 private convos or late night convos. It was harder to drop the pledge in town (because the townspeople know about it) than it was on campus I think, but on campus you were also living around your teachers, so there were definitely expectations to keep it up, and people did.

Doing a language pledge 100% (and I mean 100%) is really, really hard, and I actually think relaxing it a little bit (to like 95%)so you can mentally take a break sometimes is really important. I say this because I spent the 1st four weeks at Midd literally trying to communicate with my family through google translate. (Envious of your very smart choice to take some courses in English!) Anyway, to the other asker, if you ever do a lang pledge, take it seriously, but don't be extreme about it.

That's really interesting and sounds super hard! I think that advice is generalizable to any experience living abroad as well-- I found I often put pressure on myself to always be doing some kind of enriching activity and speaking a ton of Chinese, and I liked doing those things and got a lot out of them but sometimes you just need to watch the bachelor with your roommates to recharge.

[eddiemadmunson]

My dear wife part 2

I honestly did not plan to write another part for this story, but I got this idea yesterday and I had to write it 😁 

Part 1 here

Paring: Aegon Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: 18+, nothing too explicit, but it’s smut, dirty talk, OOC Aegon

A/N: English is not my 1st language

You were pacing nervously around your chambers, excitedly waiting for Aegon to come back from his council meeting. “Maybe it's not a good idea?” you thought to yourself nervously, biting your lip and considering to run behind the screen and reclothe yourself when you heard Aegon opening the door to your shared chambers. He looked grumpy and bored, as usually after the small council meetings. “I will throw that stupid cunt Jason Lannister out of the window one day, what an idiot, he is such a twat! Can you imagine that he suggested that I should...” he fumed but stopped midsentence, taking in your appearance his eyes growing wide. “Why are you looking at me like this, Aegon?” you asked him nervously, playing with the hem of his oversized shirt you were currently wearing. It was too big for you, the edge of it ended few inches under your butt. “What are you wearing, dear wife?” he asked you lowly when he finally snapped out of his brief trance. “Your shirt, are you angry?” you asked, panicking inside. You wanted to surprise him and it seemed like a good idea at first, but you weren’t so sure anymore. You watched him as he slowly approached you, stopping one step before you. “I can go change,” you suggested, turning into nervous wreck because he remained silent. “You look so fucking hot in my clothes, princess,” he praised you and you blushed deeply. “I missed you and your shirt smelled like you,” you confessed and he smirked. “Awww, my needy wife is missing me after few hours of being apart,” he mocked you and closed the small gap between you two. “It felt like days, Aegon,” you complained, wrapping your arms around his neck, kissing him slowly, moaning at the taste of him and at the feeling of your already hard nipples brushing against the cotton material of his shirt. He sneaked his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him. “Can I tell you a secret?” you mumbled against his lips and he hummed in approval. “Your shirt is the only piece of clothing I am wearing right now,” you confessed and looked at him through your eyelashes. “I know princess, I can feel your hard nipples against my chest,” he groaned and he lowered his hand down, sliding under his shirt, cupping your butt with his palm, pulling you even closer and making your stomach rub against his clothed cock. You gasped when you felt the obvious bulge in his pants. “Are you already hard for me, husband?” you teased him, grinding your hips on him. “Always,” he smirked and quickly placed you on the edge of the table. “Spread your pretty legs for me, dear wife,” he commanded and you immediately obeyed. He stepped between your legs, his fingers brushing against your clothed nipple, earning a needy moan from your lips. “Aegon, please,” you pleaded, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Please what, dear wife?” he asked you cockily, pinching your nipple, laughing wickedly when you whined. “Please touch me,” you begged. “I am touching you,” he smirked and started kissing your neck while his hand kept torturing your hard peak. “You know what I mean, Aegon,” you whimpered. “You need to be more specific,” he chuckled and lowered his head, taking your nipple between his lips, biting it gently through the material of his shirt. “Take it off, please, touch my skin,” you demanded. “But I like to see you wearing my shirt, you look sexy as hell, princess,” he ignored your demands and sucked your nipple harshly into his mouth while his hand snaked down your belly to tease your clit. “Gods, I hate you sometimes,” you whimpered and threw your head back, Aegon quickly latched his lips to your exposed throat, sucking a hickeys into your skin while making little circles on your clit with his fingers.   “You are such a tease,” you whimpered and surprised him when you quickly grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over your head. “You horny little woman, you always get what you want,” Aegon chuckled and captured your lips in long passionate kiss. “I want you,” you licked his lips seductively and reached for his pants to free his cock. Aegon hissed in pleasure when you stroked him. “I love it how I turned you into sex addict,” he smirked lazily and closed his eyes as you pumped his cock in your hands. You absolutely loved it, when you saw him like this, eyes closed, his lips swollen from your kisses and slightly parted, his head tossed back. Fuck you needed him inside you as soon as possible. You pumped him few more times, guiding his swollen tip to your soaked pussy. “Are you wet enough for me, my love?” he asked you, watching hungrily as you rubbed his head across your clit. “I played with myself when you were gone, I am ready for hours,” you whimpered and Aegon pushed inside you without warning, turned on so much by your confession. He wasn’t used to such devotion and lusting. He thought that nobody will ever love him and want him and you changed his whole life. He was addicted to you as much you were addicted to him. You moaned his name loudly, your pussy immediately clenching around his thick cock making him groan into your ear. “So fucking tight, I am ravishing you almost every night and you are still so fucking tight, my dear wife,” he praised you and another load moan was your only answer. You both were so horny that you both will finish embarrassingly soon. Few more powerful thrusts and Aegon came with deep growl, sending you over the edge with him. He kept slowly thrusting into you, riding out your highs. “What a nice welcome, princess,” he smirked and kissed the top of your head. “We can continue in the bed, my love,” you suggested, gently kissing his jaw trying to catch your breath. “It sounds tempting but actually, I have a surprise for you,” he winked at you as he slid out of you. “Get dressed, we are going outside,” he winked at you while tucking his cock back into his pants. “Outside? I need to take a bath Aegon,” you protested but he put a finger on your lips. “Shhh, princess. I want you to walk through the streets with my cum leaking out of your sweet pussy. I want you to smell like me and sex. I want everyone to know that you are my dirty horny princess,” he whispered into your ear and you felt weak in the knees. The list of things you would do for this man was endless. “OK, Aegon, what should I wear?” you asked him curiously. “Something accessible and discreet,” he winked at you and your pulse quickened. “What is he up to?” you thought to yourself as you quickly put on a simple brown dress and no undergarments. Aegon nodded in approval and grabbed your hand and led you outside the castle through the secret passages into the dirtier part of the Red Keep. You arrived at the big building and you could hear moans and grunts from inside. “Wait, Aegon. Is this a brothel? Why did you bring me into a brothel?” you asked confused. He gently pushed you against the wall, brushed his nose against your cheek. “You once told me, that you like the idea of being watched while fucking me,” he grinned when he saw the realization settling in your eyes. “You want to fuck me here in front of the strangers?” you asked him shakily, already feeling excitement in the pit of your stomach. “I want to fuck you everywhere, princess. I want to bend you over the table when we have a family dinner, I want to fuck you during those boring ceremonies we have to attend, I want to fuck you while you are learning high Valyrian with Helaena. But I can’t because it’s inappropriate. In this place nobody will judge us,” he assured you. You gulped and slowly nodded. You weren’t 100% sure convinced that this is what you want but you would trust Aegon with your life and if he thinks that you will enjoy this you were willing to give it a try. He would never force you into something what would make you uncomfortable or into something what would put you in danger. You slipped your hand into his and he pulled you inside the dark corridor.

PART 3 

[stranger-chichka]

The scenes with the stars in Stranger Things and their importance (p. 1)

I wanted to post everything in one take, but I didn't expect I need so many screenshots, oops. So, there will be 2 posts: this one includes scenes from 1x04 to 6x04 + a mention of the s3 rain fight, and the second one covers episodes 7, 8 and 9x04. Well, not the whole episodes, but just the scene where we can see stars. Also, sometimes I'm gonna write a little about the scenes which follow or precede the one with the star because almost always there's a connection between them. And I'm sorry in advance for my miserable vocabulary. It's really very hard to choose the right words for such an analysis when English is not your native language and I hope it wouldn't be too painful to read.

So, as @madwheelerz there's a possibility that the stars bookmark important moments/scenes we should pay close attention to. So far I've noticed these moments with stars in the show:

2 stars on Erica's earnings during the DnD game in 1x04 (it foreshadows Mike & Will defeating Vecna - the theory about it is here) and stars on the dress she wears in episodes 6, 7, 8 and 9;

2 stars on Lucas's sneakers during his basketball game where they win and he's the one to make the final shot (THIS parallels Erica who rolls 20 and defeats Vecna in the game);

stars on Will's costume he's wearing during the DnD game before the rain fight in s3;

6 stars on Angela's earnings in the Rink-o-Mania scene (and during THIS scene Mike & Will argue again which parallels their s3 rain fight);

Also, stars are associated with Dustin. In s3 he talks about star-crossed lovers and sings “Neverending Story” where the lyrics are : “reach the stars, fly a fantasy.” + “Ziggy Stardust” in Will’s playlist.

And @skvtebored mentions two more characters having stars in their clothes. Jason and Patrick have stars on their jackets, that's why we'll start with them.

3x04

We see the boys wearing them for the first time in 3x04 while they’re going to look for Eddie and have a small talk with Lucas near the abandoned Benny's Burger restaurant (and this place is associated with El because of s1). But I want to start with the previous scene. We see El in her room after dinner and the "She didn't look fine" moment, thinking about the roller rink accident and the massacre at the lab. "What did you do?" "What have you done?" These phrases are said by Mike and Brenner. We are shown flashbacks from that horrible day in the lab. (I made a collage with some shots, but haven't included the ones with the bodies of kids, it's already too gross to watch).

On the screenshots (1st & 2nd row): Brenner walking through the door, El in front of the broken mirror, a labyrinth with two silver balls, a ball with 8 on it, a chess desk, two dice with 2, 6, 4 and 5, some blocks with one green and one blue figures. To be honest, I don't know if these objects are there for a purpose, but I better leave the screenshots here and maybe someone with a bigger brain will connect the dots.

+ I'm adding the gifs from the moment with El in her room because of that spinning effect, like in the scene with her and Max in the final episode where she restarts her heart.

After El's flashbacks we see the Upside Down (3rd row): the library, some abandoned building that I thought could be Brimborn Steel Works but it's probably not, Creel's house with a spaceship slide next to it and Vecna.

The next shots we see (4rth row): the sun is rising, a yellow lamp in Benny's Burger restaurant, a "SPEED LIMIT 25 69" sign, a shot of the room with Lucas in a blue t-shirt (similar to El's shirt in the previous scene) and him near the doors of the restaurant with "WINNERS ONLY" written in green on it.

The dialogue between Lucas and Jason starts with: "What are you guys doing?" What did you do? What have you done? What are you doing? Past, present and...future is missing. Where will? Hmmm. And Jason's answer parallels Henry telling El the same thing the day he killed those kids in the lab. Like almost word by word. They're going to look for Eddie and Lucas is coming with them. Actually, during this scene they're putting some stuff in the truck.

The next scene when we see Jason and Patrick, they're on their way to one of Eddie’s friends. But right before seeing them in the car we are shown Eddie's trailer from the outside and the locked door with yellow ribbons, the room with the gate, hats, yellow light and electricity flickery, red lightning bolt and Vecna spying on the people with traumas.

At that time Vecna's looking for his next victim and he chooses who? Patrick. His nose starts bleeding. One of his friends calls it “gross.” They beat up the members of Eddie’s band and are going to Dustin's house. Before that fight Jason talks with them a little while Lucas pretends he isn't part of their club, although he's in Hellfire. That's when one of the boys says: "Lucas, what the hell?"

And then another boy tells Jason this: "Well, you have eyes, don't you? He's not here." That's when he starts beating him, stepping on his hand and saying: "It's gonna be hard to play drums with a broken hand." And who has no eyes and broken limbs? Vecna's victims. Interesting. In the following scene El’s in jail questioned about the roller rink accident and we see her having flashbacks of hitting Angela and the massacre at the lab again. The car is in the first shot of that scene.

As Jason and others come to Dustin, Patrick says: “No one’s home” and here I already wrote about this scene. Jason answers they should keep looking and then he sees the car door open and Lucas is not there. He says: "Where the hell is Sinclair?" while Lucas reaches Dustin and says: "Where the hell have you been?" After Jason notices Lucas in Dustin's house he says: "What the hell were you doing?"

Lucas answers: "I was looking for clues" and Patrick calls Lucas Sherlock Holmes. Hmmmm. Does it remind you of anything???? Not only do we have a Sherlock Holmes reference but also in both scenes they're talking about clues. Steve asks Dustin: "What sort of clues we're supposed to be looking for here?" By the way, keep in mind "by any chance."

After this Lucas says: "I found one" and leads them to Hopper's cabin. I wonder if it's foreshadowing of him finding Vecna in s5.

In the following scene again (for the third time) - El’s thinking about the roller rink accident and that day in the lab while riding in the car before being rescued by Owens and his people. What did you do? What have you done? And we see a rainbow.

The next scene with the basketball team is them in the woods on their way to Hopper's cabin.

Lucas said THAT is the place where Eddie's hiding. It reminded me of Will hiding in the shed in s1. Is it a parallel? The first shot we see is Jason opening the truck. Again, it reminded me of s1 and Jonathan checking Lonnie's truck. And Eddie was hiding in a boathouse which is a shed at the edge of a river or lake used for housing boats. He was hiding in the shed like Will. Interesting. And here we see after references. (Watergate my beloved) So, they’re in the cabin and the scene is shown together with the one where Owens tells El about Vecna and how he's killing right now in Hawkins. We are shown Lucas running out of the Hopper's cabin and Hopper with his cuffs off as Owens speaks of "good people and brave friends." In the following scene - Max's in trance for the first time.

4x04

The next day Jason comes to Sinclairs and talks with Erica (She refers to Lucas as Jason’s boyfriend in the most careless way possible, says he might be with Dustin and mentions Nintendo). I wrote about this scene in my Nintendo theory, so I'm leaving the link here (that's a must-read). I just want to add this screenshot from that scene where Erica's colouring the DnD character who looks like Eddie but we know that Mike is trying to look like him, even grows his hair, so I really believe it's Mike from s5, because 1) we see a dragon 2) we see a sward 3) we see a shield and 4) we see Mike with a sword and a shield facing the dragon and leading their party (Eddie is also the leader of Hellfire) in Will's painting.

Again, we hear: "Where the hell's Sinclair?" And in the following scene Steve, Lucas and Dustin talk about Victor Creel and Vecna, how he was killing then and how he's killing now.

6x04

In the previous episode Jason was wearing a black suit, so I didn't check these scenes, but in 6x04 he is in his bomber again. The police officers are talking with the citizens about Eddie and the curfew they should follow while they're looking for him. People are mad. "It's been days. Days!" The police officer answers: "I understand you all are upset, but I promise you, we will find him." And that's when Jason comes in. His first word is "No. You won't." (El's first word to Mike is "no") .

"Son, how about we talk about this in private?" That's what the chief asks Jason. (He is not ready to reveal the truth yet. The same with the Duffers.) Does it remind you of any other scene? Season 2. Mike is mad because Hopper (who’s also the chief of police) was hiding El in his cabin and Hopper asks him to talk about it in private. He calls him a liar and cries in his arms. But what if I told you he's not only mad at Hopper for hiding El but also at himself because now he has to hide from himself. From his true feelings. His feelings for Will. And Jason's speech just proves it.

"So you can keep me quiet? So you can keep the truth from coming out?"

Very and very interesting phrasing. That’s definitely the parallel to Will’s speech in the desert. "Sometimes, I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel. Especially, to people you care about the most. Because what if they don't like the truth?" We saw Mike resonated with these words very much. He nodded and even wanted to answer something, but Argyle distracted him. What is Will's truth? He loves Mike. What is Mike's? Same. The only option for them is to come out in s5.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't bear to listen to any more excuses and lies. In fact, I think we've all had enough. That's enough."

Well, well, well. We have plenty of liars during the show but it seems to me that Mike lies the most, right? He lies not only to others but to himself. And here Jason just speaks on behalf of the GA, especially those who are homophobic, because the truth is "awful" for them.

"Last night, I saw things, things I can't explain. Things the police don't wanna believe. And things that I don't wanna believe myself. And I've come to accept an awful truth."

Jason is talking about Patrick's death, but we should always look for a double meaning in that show. He is talking about an awful truth. And we associate the truth with Mike and Will's feelings towards each other. What things he can't explain and believe is he talking about? Mike having gay panic at the airport maybe? Or Mike being pissed off because Will was showing little attention to him at Rink-o-Mania? Or Mike flirting with Will in Jonathan's and then his room? Or maybe Mike's triple take in the desert? Here Jason represents the GA, who were oblivious to the boys' feelings but now start noticing them.

By "satanic cults" he refers to Hellfire. The DnD club. And DnD represents Mike and Will's relationships, IT'S THE FACT. Jason compares it to disease. @howtobecomeadragon cracked it right open: D&D - sodomy - Satanic Cults - disease - AIDS.

ritualistic sacrifices = the consequences of forced conformity;

cults = lgbt community/Bylers;

deaease = AIDS crisis;

DnD = Byler relationship;

"And Eddie Manson is the leader of one of these cults."

Who's also called a leader of the party? Mike. Who wants to look like Eddie? Mike. Jason's speech is not only about Eddie, but it's about Mike and his feelings that he's hiding deep inside for a long time. Feelings toward Will.

Jason believes their town is cursed because of Hellfire and some ritualistic shit. In 1x04 Eddie says:

"Society had to blame something. We're an easy target. We're freaks because we like to play a fantasy game. It's forced conforming. That's what's killing the kids!"

And in 9x04 we see this scene. 5 targets with shot heads (= Vecna attacking people's minds). As far as we know Vecna was targeting 4 people in s5: Crissy, Fred, Max and Patrick. Or was there one more person? Mike is Vecna's 5th target. And also the smoke in these scenes looks like the fog we see in Vecna’s visions.

Let's return to Jason's speech. On this note, Erica's lost her nerve. By the way, she also has stars and hearts on her dress during this scene, so the next moments with her are also important.

"A club. A harmless club. That's what they want you to think. But it's a lie. A lie designed to conceal the truth. And now this cult is protecting its leader, Eddie. Hiding him. (Here we see Mike's parents, so these lines definitely refer to Mike) Allowing him to...continue his rampage."

Here Jason represents the homophobes, some of the GA and Milkvans who hate Mike and don't understand his personality, whereas we are protecting him for all costs. And what is a lie designed to conceal the truth? Mike's romantic feelings toward El. Once again, I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't bear to listen to any more excuses and lies. In fact, I think we've all had enough. That's enough.

Again, here he's religious = homophobic. And the Duffers created the paradox in which good=evil and evil=good. Just look. "Evil" is "live" backwards and "Will" is "lliv." Liv means "life" in Scandinavian languages. Will is the one who Mike wants to live his life with. While "good" is "doog" backwards and Mike says to El he's not a dog in Surfer Boy Pizza. That's such a reach but this post is full of crazy shit, we're crazy, so what???????

Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna be even more delusional. Hellfire. Hell + fire. He'll. Fire. He will. Fire. He. Will. Fire. it's all about Will and fire. And we know about fireballs. Ohhhh, stop me, stop me now.

"We will be implementing a curfew. If you are not in your house after sunset with the doors locked, you'll be written up."

That reminded me of Mike and El in s3 lying about a curfew to the party in order to be kissing in Hopper's cabin (El's house). I'm not sure if there's some connection, but the whole kissing thing was Mike trying to be a normal teenager. Having a girlfriend. Enjoying time with her. While being in the closet (= locked doors). And for some reason we see "will" in italic, why??? And "written up" with all the writing-letters-to-El-and not-to-Will thing. Maybe, Mike is "written up" by El (=from, El) after focusing all his attention on Rink-o-Mania at Will while he was supposed to spend romantic time with his girlfriend.

And this is the following scene. Mike himself confirms Jason's truth. His words just parallel what Jason already said.

Jason: "Last night, I saw things, things I can't explain. Things the police don't wanna believe. And things that I don't wanna believe myself. And I've come to accept an awful truth...Some people say our town is cursed. They just don't know why. Now we know. Now we do." Things = love. Remember that.

Mike: "I know, it's hard to believe. But it's true. All true."

In this scene, the boys are lying to Suzie about Nina Project calling it Nintendo. Wait, wait, wait…Americantendo. Nintendo goes together with DnD in Will's love confession, so it represents Byler's relationship. (I hope you've read it, but leaving the link once more!!!) And really, during their search for Nina Mike and Will open up about their feelings to each other. Mike says they need Americantendo for Dustin's birthday. Can we suppose that we'll see Mike and Will as a couple on Dustin's birthday?

The following scene (wow, three scenes in a row) is with Dustin's, Lucas's and Mike's parents + Holly and Erica coming to Wheeler's looking for the kids. They lied about going to the movie ("What time was the movie?" "Four hours ago.") and Erica exposes their lie while Holly sings "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" Hellfire.

When Dustin's mom questions their involvement with Eddie, Ted says: "I think at this point, anything is possible" and Mr Clarke in s3 says to Joyce: "Once you open that curiosity door anything's possible." Karen answers that their kids aren't murderers and Ted tells this: "Don't put words into my mouth. See, she does that, twists my words." Hmmmmm. Is it a reference to Mike's monologue where he uses the words of others and not his own??? That's smart, that's smart.

+ When Karen is calling the police we see 7 made from the magnets on the fridge.

The following scene is the Hawkins group near Skull Rock aka make-out spot and Dustin realises the compass doesn't work correctly because of the electromagnetic field. The electricity. (I wonder if somebody already spoke about the magnets and compasses because I feel like there's some double meaning there too!!!!)

So, we have scenes with El suffering from her traumatic memories (she blames herself for what she thought she'd done) and Tigers looking for Eddie (who is also blamed for something everyone thinks he's done) going together. And we know that El hasn't killed these kids, the same with Eddie. Both aren't guilty. Vecna is responsible for all those deaths.

And other scenes with Jason go together with the ones with Mike and Will/refer to Mike. The ones with lies and the truth. And there'll be even more in the second post.

On this note I leave you alone with your thoughts, but to see the full picture wait for p.2, which I hope I'll have finished by Monday.

[librarianandguardian]

Just a feeling- Saul Silva x Female!Reader

Pairing : Saul Silva x Female!Reader

Word Count : ~2300

Warnings : Fluff, brief mention of drug use and burns

Music : Un homme - Jérémy Frerot

Author’s note : Getting pretty stressed because of a huge project at school, so I wrote this to blow off some steam ! I also wanted to say that I do not agree with the way some characters are written and treated in this show. I hope I did not perpetuate these errors, and that I got Silva’s personality a bit right at least. Feedback is appreciated, may it be on the story telling or even the grammar. English isn’t my first language. Flahs-backs in italics. Enjoy ! :D

GIF ‘s not mine, and I can’t find the creator.

French First World songs resonate in the Great Hall, she is dancing. Wild and free. Her loosened hairs fly through the wind. She has traded her Specialist armour for a long flowing dress. Her feet are hammering the ground in rhythm. The crowd carries her all over the dancefloor; she twirls and claps her hands following the music.

From an ignored fairy bloodline, her parents considered her a Specialist Legacy. When her mind fairies powers woke up, everything went wrong ; she was always an overwhelmed child. No one could help her everytime she lost control. Nothing but medication: earrings to contain, and pills to attenuate. It wasn't bad. She lived like that her entire life.

Silva is sitting on a plastic chair, leaning on the table by his side, his gaze lingering. She is an exceptional fighter; dance must be a piece of cake and fun judging from her large smile. To be fair, he barely remembered her from their time at Alfea. Farah told him she was three years younger than him and seemed to have a few memories.

« (Y/N) travelled a lot to the First World prior to college. Her parents were emissaries and brought back souvenirs. Rumours said that her room resembled a cave of wonders.

-Ever went there ?»

His friend chuckled.

« Once. It was full of trinkets, books, movies, postal cards too. Ben caught interest in it, especially the giant botanic encyclopaedia throning on her bookshelf. We both agreed after a while that she might be the ray of sunshine of her Specialist promotion. But I guess she was discreet, if you've never heard of her.»

It took some memory searching, but he indeed remembered one thing. A conversation between a bunch of 1st years talking about a secret party displaying famous First World movies. A few hours later, on the training field, (Y/N) battled fiercely. It caught the attention of many students, who gathered around the platform. Curiosity taking the best of him, he had followed the crowd.

« What's that First World song that I love to describe you with ?

-By the light Clairo, is it really necessary ? »

Her opponent mocked her. She rolled her eyes, wielding her sword before choosing her fight stance.

« You son of... Maneater from Nelly Furtado. Now let's fight please.

-Alright doll, eat me up. »

(Y/N) huffed in annoyance. Clairo was a good fighter, but a little bit too flirty. He launched himself at her. The young woman stayed incredibly calm. Dodging to the right, she left him to stumble before hitting his back with the wooden weapon. He fell to the ground with a grunt. A shy smile spread on her features.

Now that he thinks about it, her earring had intrigued him : an ear chain hanging from the top of the cartilage of her ear to her lobe. Each end was composed of a lavendish round lilac crystal. When she lost control recently, those crystals lit up with a blinding light and burned her skin.

« I change the earring every five year. Every year If any several big crises occurred.

-What about your burns ? How did they clean them up ? »

Her left hand ghosted over her intact lobe, while Harvey healed the bruised flesh. Her eyes stared at the floor of the greenhouse. Saul was holding her other hand.

« They... I stuffed myself with pills. Sometimes enough to sleep through an entire day. Within the Solarian force, it was the only way for them to treat me. None of their mind fairies could calm me down. I don't think you realize how much this, she lifted her intertwined hand, helps.»

The soldier chuckles at the memory. His eyes examined his fingers, remembering how she locked hers, as she found an anchor in his mind.

« My best guess ? Your training forged your head to have a certain mindset in crisis.

-Loads of Solarian troupers could have given you that.

-Yeah. I can't really explain it, she laughed shyly, maybe because you're a teacher, that two of your long time friends are fairies or just because you're good with people.»

Their gazes crossed. The air thickened. Truth to be told, (Y/N) was so lost upon why he managed to calm her down. Farah tried to guide her, but even then, nothing positive came out. Her youth as a student at Alfea only consisted in shared side glances with him in hallways. She sure as hell found the man attractive, but she had other stuff to think about.

A loud giggle snaps him back to reality. (Y/N) falls on his laps while trying to take off her high heels. Her eyes are opened wide and a little glassy. She's definitely drunk.

« Oh by the light, I'm sorry Silva. Aimed at the table ! »

The atmosphere becomes lighter. He catches her when she nearly trips off by trying to get up, one of his arms snaking around to help. Steadying herself on his laps, she catches her breath slowly, though some giggles erupt as she looks around.

« How can you still dance, uh ?»

With a guilty smile, she leans slightly against the table.

« Alcohol ! It's the only thing keeping me up, baby !»

Instant regret shoots through her veins. Some red creeps up on her cheeks, as her hands cover her mouth. The soldier chuckles, enamoured by her adorableness. One thing that strucked him when they met was her lightness. Out of all the solarian troupers out there, or even all the specialists he ever crossed paths with, she was one of the few who stayed so bright and playful. Subconsciously, his fingers dig slightly in her hips.

« It's alright, (Y/L/N).»

She giggles a bit, but thanks him. Farah watches from a far, joined by Ben. (Y/N)(Y/L/N) has been teaching at Alfea for a year now. The entire school seemed to have transformed into a much more joyous place : students got along better, the shyest opened a tad and the roughest softened. Ben's daughter Terra found a supporter of her personal projects and a confidant. Ben himself benefited from her return. Mostly in books and knowledge but that meant already so much to him. Farah gained a daughter ; (Y/N)'s powers were a mess for her advanced age, helping felt natural. But what she loved the most was how confused Saul got with the new Specialist. Their bond strengthened with time, however the first few days rocked the Headmaster all over the place.

«(Y/L/N), what did you do to our office ? Did you... Are these books classified by alphabetic order and colour ?! »

His colleague shrugged, trying to see if he was mad or just surprised. It happened a few days after her arrival. Their shared office went under few renovations.

« (Y/L/N), why dancing classes ? »

She shot up, put her hands on his desk and took twenty minutes to explain how it would make their movements more flexible, strengthen teamwork and be a tool for future mission on the job. Astonished could not describe Silva's feeling.

An admirable change that proved beneficial to the students. These two grew very fond of each other. A lot more than they thought. Words in the hallways started to spread about their growing fondness.

« Okay, I got a question for you, soldier boy.»

Saul tilted his head to the side.

« Are you having fun ?

-Of course I am.»

(Y/N) looks disappointed. Turning around, she pours some water in her cup and chugs it down.

« Really ? 'Cause the only thing I've seen you do is sit in a corner all night. »

He lowers his head, searching for the right words. How does he say that he just loves watching her run around the dancefloor ? How she bounds with students but also keeps their respect ? The fact that she's so organised that she could plan a First World themed party and keep her teacher skills to their best ? The shortest way for that would be admitting his feelings. He zones out long enough for her to talk again.

« It's okay. »

His eyes lock with hers. How did she sober up so quickly ?

« I know you have a reputation as a serious and frowny teacher to keep. And this is a graduation party, so. »

Never mind, she did not. The woman gets up, only to kneel under the tablecloth. He panics briefly.

« (Y/N), what on Earth are you doing ?»

She mumbles before appearing back outside. Her hands are holding a package. Another bright smile shines on her face. Silva knows what's coming, and he has mixed feelings about it; between fear, excitement and confusion.

« Happy Birthday Saul. »

His heart nearly stops. Few people know about his birthday, she is now a part of them. He frankly does not mind, even wished for it for a while now. His hands gently take the package to open it. Before his eyes lies a hard covered sketchbook and a wooden box full of high-quality pencils. The cover has a crow flying in a pearly sky with a red sun. The box is made of ebony and his name carved in silver. She knows an another of his secret. He tears up. The woman worries when he starts to sniffle. Much to her surprise, the soldier puts the gifts on the table before hugging her with all his might. Thank God the students are dancing or already out of the hall to smoke. (Y/N) answers his embrace, reassured.

« Thank you so much dear. »

It's her turn to have glossy eyes. She buries her face in his shoulder. This man is constantly under pressure and she has always wondered what he does during his free time : Does he train more ? He probably reads, right ? The answer came on a regular afternoon.

Silva knocked on her quarters' door. He heard shuffling before (Y/N) opened. She was wearing a bathrobe and a towel around her hair.

« Hi Saul ! Sorry hum. I woke up late and did not expect you so soon so, hum. »

The woman looked around, making her towel fall. Picking it up, she invited him in. He indulged, though a bit surprised.

« I'll be back in a jiffy, you know, putting some clothes on and all. Okay.»

She disappeared in her bathroom, leaving him to explore her room. Many watercolour paintings covered the walls, some abstract and others from the Realms of the Otherworld. However, a few landscapes felt unknown to him. On her desk lied sketches with a horde of different pencils. He discovered portraits of Farah, Ben, Terra, Sky, Riven and finally him. The lines were thin, some shadows sharp for the warriors and smoother for the fairies. A hint of jealousy took over him, quickly brushed away by shyness. The fact that she took the time to draw him was flattering. His fingers grazed over the pencils, wondering if he had time to prepare a little surprise. He puts down the file he came to discuss. A few minutes later, (Y/N) came out, dressed but her hair still wet on the edges. Silva was leaning against her desk, file in hand, a small smile on his features. She mirrored it before asking about the important matter at hand. Twenty minutes later, he left. Her eye caught a change in her drawing material : the portrait of Farah and Ben switched positions. She shuffled them, making sure everything was here, only to find an unknown piece. A cute fox was smiling, a little bubble under him stating :

« Nice Work (Y/L/N). Nice pencils too. Wish I had your talent.»

That last sentence made her wonder if he indeed had an artistic side. Needless to say that his quarters gave her answer. Same reason as his when he came, she knocked on his door one night. Though he did not fully invite her in, her eyes caught glimpses of nice sketches lying on a table, some rudimental equipment next to it.

They stay like this for a few seconds. The headmistress and Professor Harvey look at each other. No words, no need. Terra is chatting with a second year in a corner, bur her eyes catch them. She smiles, looking away shyly, but happy Sky sees the scene too, thanks to Riven who taps on his shoulder. They can't help the smile growing on their faces. Sky's father figure finding support is definitely going to be one of the highlights of their first year. (Y/N) and Saul part. One of her hands pats his arm.

« Wanna dance ? »

He closes his eyes, sighing. There is no lack of desire but the fear of what the students will say.

« I wish but... I don't know.

-I get it. But one day, you will ! That's a promise. »

With one last smile, she strolls back to the dancefloor, leaving him sheepish. He takes the sketchbook and a pencil. He might not dance tonight, but he'll make up to it.

[benjywatsons]

have you met benjamin ‘benjy’ watson yet? he has lived in saltlight for  his entire life  & i believe they’re twenty eight. they are determined, adaptable, & sharp, but can also be abrasive, angry, & cold; they work as a drug dealer/bartender. they look exactly like joe keery & their label is the dirtbag.

full name — benjamin watson nickname(s) — benjy name meaning — son of the right hand age — twenty-eight date of birth — november 1st place of birth — saltlight current location — saltlight gender — cis-male pronouns — he/him sexual orientation — bisexual (heavy preference to men) religion — atheist occupation — bartender / drug dealer education level — high school  family — jude watson (father), mila watson (mother, estranged) elodie & celestine (half siblings, estranged) finances — poor spoken languages — english, spanish  faceclaim — joe keery

You were a sweet boy, that’s what your father says while you sit with him during his long doctors appointments, you were a sweet boy with a big heart and so much love to give. What happened to that sweet boy? Where did he go?

Benjy was the kid on the south side of saltlight that everyone knew because they all loved his father, a kind man in his own right, did everything that he could for the community that needed some joy in their life. He was the favourite school teacher that everyone loved and would take just about any kid under his wing that didn’t have a parent, and it never made Benjy jealous, it just made him proud. But eventually there came a time when everything got to be too much for his mother, his dad was spending all their money for this community that he loved so much, sometimes, she says, i think you love them more than us. 

He’s ten when he watches her leave, the last thing that he heard about her was that she had gone off and married someone else. It was hard for him to look at his father after that, his father who loved everyone so much. 

It starts when he’s thirteen, maybe he can blame it on growing pains, maybe he can blame it on the fact that he and his father were constantly in a state of losing their house, or that no matter what he does he will never be enough to get into the good schools that he needs to for a bright future but he starts acting up, he’s caught stealing from a woman he’s known his whole life, when she catches him he watches this kid with a pinched face and a chip on his shoulder and gives him kindness instead of calling the police on him. She knows that his mother left, knows that his dad has now taken on a second job that he shouldn’t have to to make ends meet. 

It’s then that he starts working for her, doing small things around her shop. It's not much, it’s not even a real job but she pays him, and he sits and does his homework while she works the register and his father picks him up at ten pm like he always does. It’s a kindness that Benjy didn’t deserve, and he kept it with him after she died. He was fifteen then, too young to take on the shop itself he watched it close down, it later became a high end thrift store and Benjy can’t walk past it anymore. 

He gets arrested when he’s seventeen for stealing a car. 

It’s the first string of small offenses and he’s only saved because another teacher sees potential in him. 

You’re a smart boy Benjy, he looks at him with empathy in his eyes, it’s a look that you can’t fake. 

Benjy starts getting better grades and is even staying out of trouble, and then he meets his partner, the one that he swore he was going to marry. They set him on the right track, they’re a good influence on him, and Benjy never liked planning too far ahead in the future but he wanted one with them.

When it comes to their last year of high school things start to change again, his dad starts forgetting things, and then he forgets how to drive. It’s a phone call you never want to get from someone, he and his partner rush to the hospital and it’s then that he finds out that his father has early onset Alzheimers. All thoughts of the future are put on halt, Benjy makes it into college but it’s not the university that he wanted. He breaks up with his partner not long after he drops out and starts working full time at the bar and taking care of his dad. 

Benjy doesn’t blow his life up like he used to but he did get into somethings that he shouldn’t have, and all he can think about is the people that had helped him along the way and how they would feel if they saw him now and what he does outside of the bar. It’s the only way to get money since his father is no longer capable of teaching. 

At the heart of it, Benjy likes to think that he’s still good, his foundation is just a little cracked.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

Exes / First Love—i had mentioned this in his bio but will go more into it here, but he really loved this person, they were such a big influence on his life and he would talk about their future together because he wanted that for both of them. Eventually it just got to a point where he had to end it because it wasn’t fair—he thought that maybe they could go off and be the things that he couldn’t be which is mainly why he ended it—it wasn’t because he didn’t love them anymore. This could go with either m/f/n he’s bisexual so open to any gender <3

Childhood / High School Best friends—Honestly he needs a bestie, someone that’s been through it all with him and probably is the only one that actually knows how his dad is doing because they come by so often. 

FWB—honestly he probably wouldn’t be that “friendly” with this person and would never bring them over to his house because that’s simply too personal, but they sleep together and that’s fine as long as he can leave at the end. 

Client—so since he’s a drug dealer maybe he deals to your characters.

I’m open to anything else, this is just at the top of my mind!

[mrsbakashi]

all :) if you want lol but if not then just the even ones

you know damn well i'd answer all of them twice for you 😭

thank you for asking and watch out for the long ass answers (so i put a cut).

1. book you've reread the most times?

probably pride and prejudice. it's a cliche, but it's my favorite book and i usually go for it when i don't know what to read next or when i'm in some sort of "book hangover" (is that a thing in english? idk). or maybe the little prince. yes, i'm a walking cliche.

2. top 5 books of all time?

oh god, so hard. i'm going for book that hold a special place in my heart for many reasons:

1st: pride and prejudice

2nd: the posthumous memoirs of brás cubas (it's from a brazilian author and it's honestly so amazing i can't even put into words)

3rd: the chronicles of narnia or harry potter (yes, i'm listing the whole series as one book)

4th: soul love - at night the sky is more beautiful

5th: the little prince

3. what is your favourite genre?

does fiction count as a genre? does novel? or maybe romance? to simplify: if there's romance in it, i'm reading it.

4. what sections of a bookstore do you browse?

first the best-sellers/popular because it's usually the first section, you end up there almost before you even enter the book store. then i like to go to a section on my favorite bookstore that is for recommendations of both customers and the people who work there (they can even let post its saying why they recommend it). then i go to national and international literature. sometimes i go to spiritual section because i love studying it. depending on how i feel i can also go to the languages section and see if there's anything helpful. and usually, before leaving, i take a quick look in the medicine section because old habits die hard, and then i feel super sad i won't be a doctor anymore and go straight to McDonald's. ✌🏻😗

5. where do you buy books?

this question is so sad... so books are really expensive in my country, and people don't really have the habit of reading here, the numbers are insanely low and our government doesn't care/doesn't do anything about it, so teacher and schools are left to do the impossible task to make people understand it can actually be fun - anyway, things are really bad, yes. so a lot of bookstores had to close after declaring bankruptcy, and the few that are still working are always empty. and that alone wouldn't be as much of a problem, but now the prices are so ridiculously high - i can't remember the last time i bought a book in a physical bookstore. they cost like double the usual price there. the last time i went to my favorite (ex-favorite?) one i got so mad i left withing 3 minutes. i literally felt like crying, because it's the most famous bookstore we have, and it's kinda historical, and i had so many great moments there. anyway. now i buy them online. i try to find small sellers on instagram/etc with a good price so i don't have to give my money to bezos, but sometimes i do, because sometimes i can't find a specific book anywhere else 😔.

6. what books have you read in the last month?

NONE! 😃

no, seriously, since november last year i've been reading exclusively fanfiction (and lately not even fanfics 😩). i did start a couple of books, but couldn't go through because my anxiety is quite bad and i can't engage with anything with more than 1 chapter or more than 1K words. or watch. can't remember the last time i watched a movie.

but last september, which was the last month i actually read something, i read 3 books i think.

7. is there a series/book that got you into reading?

i'm pretty sure there was, but i can't really remember, because i was too young. i think i was 4 when i insisted my sister taught me how to read so i could read books, and she did which is amazing if you think a 7 year old taught a 4 year old 🤣 she would come home with what she learned at school and taught me. i remember i already knew how to read when i entered school and the teachers were usually amazed and kept me in charge when they had to leave for a few minutes - yes, i was that kid who is responsible for writing down the names of everyone who is not quietly sitting.

but anyway. there's a really famous comic series around here that's called "monica's gang" in english, i believe, and i remember reading it a loooot.

but to answer the question: i've been into reading for as long as i can remember.

8. what is the first book you remember reading yourself?

the first one i actually remember reading is the little prince. i know i had read other children's books before, with little silly cute stories, but my first "big girl" book was the little prince. i was 6-7 and my sister got it at the school's library for me and i loved it so much - to this day it's still one of my faves.

9. when do you tend to read most?

at night, in bed, sipping tea, before falling asleep. that's the only time i feel okay with doing something not related to work or stuff.

10. do you have a guilty fav?

absolutely! twilight for example lololol. and like "Led Astray" by Sandra Brown, and also the Hush Hush series and "Perdida" from a brazilian writer.

11. what non-fiction books do you like if any?

most of them are from brazilian writers so i won't name them, but i really like reading historical books, biographies of people i admire, spiritual studies and stuff. i like studying some stuff too, so books with theories/textbooks. does poetry count as non-fiction? 🤔

12. did you enjoy any compulsory high school readings?

yes! the posthumous memoirs of brás cubas for example i was forced to read to vestibular - a big exam colleges and universities have to test if you are good enough. there were other books some of my teachers recommended or made us read that i really liked at the time, most of them are brazilian.

13. do you have a goodreads?

i don't, but i have another social media to keep track of my reading. it's called skoob (which is books spelled backwards) but i don't know if it's available worldwide.

14. do you ever mark/dog ear books you own?

yes, but i'm not really a fan of it. i like to write/highlight my books, but i worked in a company very far from my house so i used to read a lot on the subway/bus and i couldn't highlight/write in a bus/train full of people (like so full you could barely breathe) so i folded the pages i wanted to highlight later - but then i never did, because o was busy finishing the book, so now i just have a lot of books with dog ears.

15. recommend and review a book.

oh, i suck at it, which is ironic because i used to have a bookstagram. but i will do a very light one:

i will recommend the posthumous memoirs of brás cubas, one of my favorite books. it was written by an amazing author with an amazing story back in 1881. so it's a book narrated in first person by the main character, brás cubas, who is now dead and reminiscing on his life and the people he met. and he is sooooo ironic, funny and full of himself. like there's a part during his funeral when it starts raining and he just goes "even the sky is crying the death of the great brás cubas". and while you go with him in this trip through his life you find a lot of critics, specially directed towards the society, but also a lot of reflections about life. it's just amazing. funny and deep. i love it.

16. how many books have you read this year?

none! 🤣

i mentioned before the last book i read was like in september, since then i started books but kinda abandoned on page 30 or so. i was reading a lot of fanfic but now even that is fading, so i'm basically reading nothing...

17. top 5 children's books?

i think "children's books" is too much of a wild concept, like do you mean harry potter or do you mean the gingerbread man?

anyway, my top would be:

the little prince

the chronicles of narnia

harry potter

peter pan

diary of a wimpy kid

18. do you like historical books? which time period?

i do! basically any time. i love learning about the past, how people lived, how they did some things, their customs... it's really nice. also i don't know if historical books refer to like pride and prejudice or to actual history books, but the answer is yes for both ✌️😗

19. most disliked popular books?

oh, uh... i think the after series. i read the first book entirely with the strength of how much i hated it, and i just didn't drop it because i don't like dropping things (taking an indefinite pause yes) but i hated it so much.

20. what are things you look for in a book?

first i ask myself if the story has the potential to make me cry - if yes then I'll read it LOL. i look for stories that will give me many many feelings, like really mess with them, or stories that seem fun or sweet or interesting. i'm also a sucker for narratives (idk if that's the right word in english, but like the way the story is told) so when i'm in a bookstore before buying a book that seems interesting i usually read the first chapter/pages to see if i like it. i ended up giving up on some books because the narrative was bad or annoying. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[ellesliterarycorner]

Do you have any tips for writing historical fiction, alternate history, or any history based writing?

Writing Historical Fiction

OMG I love reading well-written historical fiction. I used to be super into writing Historical Fiction when I was going through my Pirates of the Caribbean/World War 2 phase. I think it’s one of the hardest genres to write even more than fantasy or sci-fi because at least with those you can make up your own rules, but with historical fiction, you have to know all about the already established rules and customs of that time. Worry not though! I have a few tips about how to make sure you write your historical fiction correctly!

Research! Research! Research!

I’m a huge history buff, so this is definitely my biggest ick when reading historical fiction. Research is important when writing any kind of book, but it’s even more important when writing a historical fiction novel. If you write a historical fiction novel without researching it, it’ll be bad. You HAVE to research the time period you are writing about first. No reader expects everything to be perfectly accurate when they pick up a historical fiction book because it is fiction, but they still except some historical accuracy.  Research everything from names to dress to language to socially acceptable behavior. I would also recommend looking up any books or letters (if they exist) from the period that you plan to write about and try and read those. That will help you understand common language, thought, and social graces.

Okay, But Can You Read Middle English?

I cannot unfortunately. Well, I can read the Lord Prayer’s (thank you to my freshman year English teacher, you’re a real one), but anyways, reading middle english is hard. Even reading lingo from the 40s or 50s can be kind of confusing because you don’t know the slang that people used back then. You definitely need to read social customs and language at the time, but sometimes writing in the language of the time period just makes it difficult for readers to understand. I think historical tv shows like my comfort show, the Tudors, and Bridgerton do a really good job of this, and I would recommend watching them, not just because they’re my favorites. They do a really good job of staying true to the language that people used at the time without bogging you down with a lot of Thou and Thees. The actual events may not be exactly historical accurate all of the times, but the costumes, set pieces,  and language does a really good job, in my opinion, of reflecting the time period.

For Your Character Everything Is Normal

This is another thing that bugs me, especially when I read 1st person historical fiction is that the character is thinking things that most people during those times simply wouldn’t think. Normally, something along the lines of, ugh this corset is so uncomfortable or ugh I wish we had a way to cool down the house cause it’s so damn hot outside. I’m not saying people didn’t think those things, but if you have worn a corset your entire life, you wouldn’t be uncomfortable wearing one. If you had carried around your little feather fan around to fan yourself during the summer, you would be used to it. You might complain once or twice, but you wouldn’t know any different. Don’t insert your 21st century hindsight into your 18th century or whenever character. It’s so easy to accidentally add your own personal mindset and cultural attitudes to the characters in your story, but depending on what time period you’re writing about they may not know about germs or that the earth is round.

Don’t Ignore Real World Events

If your book takes place in 1942 Paris, then the city is occupied by Nazis, and your character would not be immune to that.  Even if your story takes place in 1950, almost everyone alive then will remember World War 2 and be affected by it. The aftereffects of the war have lasted well into the present day with the rampant anti-semitism in many parts of the world, the building of the Berlin Wall, and so many other things. Sometimes it may seem nice to put your historical fiction characters in a little bubble where these events don’t affect them, but then you loose all of that historical accuracy that your readers want. A historical fiction story needs to take place in an accurate historical setting. Whether your story is entirely fictional or not, you need to weave real events into your plot, and make sure that you add in little details that reflect the sitting. They anchor the story and turn it into historical fiction, and not just fantasy or contemporary fiction.

It May Be Uncomfortable

This goes backs to not ignoring real world events, but I’ve read so many historical fiction books that just completely ignore racism, and while I obviously wish we lived in a world that didn’t have racism, that just isn’t the case. Some authors may think that ignoring racism in their writing is actually the ‘woke’ or ‘politically correct’ thing to do, but as a POC, I actually disagree. Ignoring racism fixes nothing. Ignoring racism and the effects it has on our society is how we got here. Shedding light and acknowledging that it’s a problem is how we move forward. All that to say if you write a story set in 1850 America, slavery is still a BIG thing. The fugitive slave act was passed that year, and even though the civil war wouldn’t start for another eleven years, racial tensions were at an all time high. You have to recognize these things. That means that even if you have a black character in Philadelphia or another northern state, they will still face severe discrimination and racism.

[giowritess]

if you’re gonna lie [javier peña] 

masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x reader

Plot: totally based on the song If You’re Gonna Lie by FLETCHER. you can hear it here. reader has enough of Javi’s bullshit and decides to put an end to it. part 2: Hurts like Hell

Warnings: implied cheating, a bit of language, mentions of sex, angstttt

Word-count: 548

Author’s note: hey guys! this was totally unrequested for, but I’ve been in love with Javi for a while now, even before I watched the series (I started watching it yesterday!!!!), and ever since the 1st I heard this song I had the idea planted in my brain and I just  h a d  to write it. totally random and I’m usuaaaaally not a big fan of angst pieces, but... lol. I really hope you like this <3 let me know if you’d like me to write a part 2, I already have it in my head and it has a happy ending <3. English isn’t my first language and it’s not edited yet. Enjoy!

if you’re gonna lie [1/3] || hurts like hell [2/3] || forever [3/3]

gif credit goes to @pedropascalsource​

    He was supposed to be home by seven.

    By ten, you had already lost count of how many wine glasses you’d had. Your lipstick looked the same, only touched by the drink, and the only company you had in that lonely apartment was your own.

    You only knew he was home when you heard the door closing. You could already hear the excuses spilling from his mouth even before he opened it. They were the same as always — too much work, too much paperwork. You’d heard them so many times he was starting to get repetitive. You could even finish his sentences before he started them.

    So many nights you had waited for him, made dinner for him. There were nights where you finished an entire wine bottle waiting for him — once, you drank an entire bottle of whiskey. He would come home in the middle of the night, apologize, kiss you and make love to you as if nothing was wrong.

    You knew what you signed up for, dating a DEA agent, and you knew Javier’s reputation — everybody did. But it was too good to walk away, and... you trusted him. When he asked you to trust him, you did. When he said he loved you and you were the only one, you believed him.  

    Things were perfect in the beginning — it took a while for your first big fight to happen. And, God, the make-up sex was so good. That was how it happened: you screamed... you argued... and then you fucked. That became your routine. For a while, you enjoyed hearing him saying sorry and giving you all the love and attention — it almost made up for the lying. For a while, you even started believing his stories and you put up with the bullshit, because you knew how it was going to end. You knew you were going to end up in bed with him. And you knew it was easier than confronting the painful, hard truth.

    And then it started not being enough anymore, and Javi started getting more and more distant. Some nights he wouldn’t even kiss you, barely look at you. Others, he would fuck your brains out and make you scream his name.

    Eventually, you stopped arguing. You knew it wasn’t going to fix anything. And that was when you knew it had to end. You never thought you had the courage to leave, but extreme situations sometimes required extreme actions.

    Your suitcases were lying on the floor, ready to go. And you saw in Javier’s dark, deep eyes the moment he noticed them. An eternity seemed to pass as you quietly stared at each other — the only sounds came from the street below. You could see his chest moving up and down, and then the truth finally kicked in. You were never going to see that beautiful face of his again. You were never going to know how that mustache felt against your skin again, you were never going to kiss those rough lips of his again. You were going to lose him, but you were going to save yourself.

    Picking both your suitcases, you took slow steps to him. Then, you leaned and kissed his cheek.

    “Goodbye, Javi.”

    And then you left.

[lideria]

Wayfaring. | Winter.

➥ characters: genderneutral!reader, mark, johnny, jaehyun, yuta, taeyong, haechan; to be added

➥ genre: apocalyptic!au (apocalypse based on the game “the last of us”), very much angsty, kind of action-y, sad, sometimes fluff 

➥ warnings: violent themes, blood&gore (detailed depictions), gun use, mentions of killing/m*rder, mentions of s*icide, depictions of corpses, swearing, zombies ofc, i would like to guess that that’s it but please contact me if there is anything i need to add, and as always English is not my first language so if there are any errors, please excuse me!

➥ word count: 19.3k

➥ summary: every little thing you had, had been built and preserved in the pool of nothingness. and now, you lost it all.

➥ author’s note: !!PLEASE READ!! hoping after all this time that i’ve not posted this doesn’t get taken off the tags. after much thinking i decided to make this big story a series, because i’m pretty positive the overall product will be over 60k words. this is the 1st part and there will be 3 parts. to make it a bit more meaningful, i’ll be releasing the winter part now (in winter for where i live), spring part in mid-spring (possibly around april), and summer in again, around mid-summer. the playlist will also be revealed then. i am hungry for feedback, any and all is much appreciated! also, i’m not over tlou still haha fu- there’s also going to be a taglist since the updates will be so slow, so please drop by my asks if you like it and i’ll gladly add you to the taglist!

➥ taglist: @nct-writers

i hope everyone enjoys this, have a great morning/day/evening/night!

The night was freezing cold.

You walk through the streets of a mix of stone and wooden buildings, lights mostly dim because of the scarce population. Most of the people were at the city square. They were laughing and dancing the night away as groups of people sang for them with the old, occupied instruments that belonged to who-knows-who all those years ago when all of this first started. ‘This’ as in survival of the fittest, as some would say. And from what science could explain, a fungal infection that took over the brain and body that eats away at your tissues until it has completely taken over your motor functions and skin, and can spread its spores to others freely. An infection that could basically ‘zombify’ and fungi-ify people.

That is what everybody who has experienced the outbreak day would tell you, at least.

Being born into it is apparently easier, that is what the older adults tell. Because people have it figured out, there are communities like the one you are in; nobody has to roam around alone and lose so many people in the process. You did not agree to that. Nothing was easier, except for maybe gathering the knowledge of handy survival skills.

Perhaps living in a community was easier, as well. You loved it. You specifically loved your community. The stone and wooden houses, the olden cafés and restaurants, actual electricity that was not a thing outside of the gates, fairy lights hanging across porches and roofs, kids and bicycles around, horses, elderly people. Schools. A whole cinema and market places. People who were hunters, people who were guards, people who were wanderers, people who were recruiters; people who had the luxury of just being parents or students or more. And people, perhaps after seeing the world fire up and fall apart, were filled with love towards each other. Compassion, respect; a lot of things that the outsiders did not have. For the most part, of course. Evil was still a thing even within the community.

You smile at the children hurrying towards the square with a few apples in their hands, laughing and skipping around with joy— one of them waving at you as they pass you by. You wave at them as well, chuckling at one of the boys’ claims on how he will make a run for the sugar in the cafeteria so they can caramelize them.

This is why you love it. Even though it is hard.

Just as snow starts to fall from the sky that was clear with visible stars just moments ago, you take your last turn and make your way to your destination. The light shines from their porch and emphasizes their house as you pick your pace up with your boots that are crunching the asphalt that is too old for its own good, cracked and overgrown with the unkempt vegetation.

And surely enough, he is there. You cannot see him clearly since his silhouette’s too dark with the light hitting from behind, but there is only one person who can be as tall in that household even when they are doubled over.

Not making eye-contact even once as you approach the house, you take big strides through their garden and get on the porch. He does not turn to you and opts to stay silent, still doubled over with his elbows placed on the somewhat high fence. You do the same and let out a huff; a laugh too airy and low to be considered one. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

Johnny smiles, still not meeting your eyes. “I freaked out.”

“Over a kiss?” One more huff. “Sounds nothing like the Johnny I know.”

“Yeah,” He nibbles on his lip a little, and smiles at their neighbor whose kitchen window is just across their porch that is grabbing a glass of water in greetings. “I just don’t like the idea of kissing someone and having it not mean anything anymore. Feel like I’ve passed that stage.”

Your eyes lock on a star in particular when he turns his head to look at you. “Reasonable,” You let out nodding your head. A witty smile creeps up onto your face at that second, and you turn to look at him also. “I guess it comes with growing old.”

That makes him giggle and playfully punch you on the side of your shoulder, prompting you to let out an ow, motherfucker, because he is too strong for his own damn good and he seems to never realize that. “I’m not old.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You brush him off, massaging the side of your shoulder, the smile still on your face. “Tell me though, was the kiss good? It looked good.”

His brows furrow in unfiltered concern. “You watched me kiss?”

“Well if you just adhere onto someone’s lips like they glued you to each other in front of the bar I’m trying to get a drink from, Johnny, I’m kind of obligated to see it for like a second at the least.” He laughs at your ramble and breaks the furrow of his brows. As if he is defeated, he nods at the end a little. “It was amazing.”

“Oh so it’s like that,” You lean into him, hardly containing your giggle. “What does that mean?” He asks back with his own smile still on his face, clearly amused. Your eyebrows furrow this time albeit not seriously. “You damn well know what that means.”

Johnny sighs. Long and deep. Then, he speaks. “I love you, you know. You’re the best annoyer I never would’ve asked for.”

At that you chuckle, letting your shoulders shake with the force of it. “Good thing they didn’t ask you then.”

He does not say anything after that for a while. The two of you stand in silence, you looking at the stars and him looking at the street— or maybe the overgrown plants, you do not know. He fiddles with his calloused hands slightly, and it is only then that you realize that the house is much quieter than how it usually is. His parents must still be at the square, even though you have not seen them at all that day.

That night, to be more honest. During the day it was not really like you could see a lot of the folk.

Johnny must have somehow read your mind, because he speaks up again with only a heavy huff. “I heard about this morning,” His gaze is directed at you again. You break your smile and lean further, letting your head drop lower to the fence as you sigh yourself. One of your hands instinctively go to your face and to the spot where everything aches right on your cheekbone, tracing over the few burn scratches you got when you fell onto the ground. “It was nothing.”

“That wouldn’t have been believable even if I hadn’t known you.” He stands upright then. You see his hands come into your vision before they pick your arms off the fence and force you to straighten up as well. He inspects your face for a bit, tracing your red spots and scratches with his fingertips, and frowns. “Sometimes I think you’re a bit too careless.” Johnny mumbles just above a whisper, making you smile. Not particularly with happiness or being flattered, but something rooted more from embarrassment. “You say that a lot.”

“Yeah, because I want you to come home in one piece.” He takes his hands off of your face. “So you can finally get it on with Jaehyun.”

He immediately receives a shove to his chest and full on laughs at that, watching your pissed off face that is rather scary for anybody else. After years of knowing you ever since you first walked into this place only with another survivor, coming from a smaller settlement that went to absolute chaos, Johnny could not ever fear you. Fear you in a respectful sense, yes, absolutely. Because he has seen what you are capable of doing outside to survive. And in actuality, it is not the capability that made him fear you in that respectful sense; it is that he has seen you melt into the nature of it all, sometimes losing yourself in the things that surround you and the things you are feeling. Johnny has always differentiated himself from everything, so seeing that was what made him fear you.

The very same things made people fear you, as well. A lot of people stayed away from you, which always made him feel bad. He found it extremely admirable that as a teenager you were able to look for a settlement without any guardians and with only a companion, even though your earlier settlement was not too far from the city. At the same time, he could not fear you knowing how you can get with people when you care about them. He had learnt about it all first-hand when he was the first to approach you at the grey and distressing identification center after you arrived, after his parents encouraged him to ask you over for dinner, after visiting you many times at the lonely dorms and helping you fall asleep by tiring you out with his jokes and conversations, after helping you move into your own place when you were old enough, after going on patrols with you and much, much more.

“You’re disgusting, does anybody ever tell you that?” Your annoyed voice almost echoes to his ears after the many shouted singings and overall shouts he had heard that night. “The word you’re looking for would be ‘teasing’ and I just know it’s on the way. That relationship is long overdue.”

“Hey!” A familiar voice interrupts your bickering, and when you turn to the direction it is coming from, you see Yuta just behind the fence. He climbs up a bit and hangs off the railing, not fully climbing onto the porch. “Hey, man. Why don’t you just come to the porch?”

Yuta holds a hand up and waves it around, and both you and Johnny fear that he will fall down with only one hand on the fence helping him sling over, so you both take a step towards him in a hurry. But he does not fall and places his hand back. “I’ll just go home. I’m very cold and kinda drunk.”

Johnny mumbles a we can see that under his breath, but he cannot say it louder because Yuta points a finger at you, prompting you to take another step. “You are patrolling with me tomorrow.”

You finally get a hold of his arm and Johnny takes care of the other one, so now his feet are planted to the ledge of the porch and you two are basically holding a whole grown man up on his feet. That does not hold you back from complaining, though. “What, why? I was out just today.”

The drunken man shrugs. “Don’t know why you, but I think I saw Jaehyun sign your name up with us.”

A closed-mouthed snicker comes from Johnny at Yuta’s words and you snap your head at him, looking into his eyes, warning him not to do the very thing he is doing right now and to shut up about it afterwards. “Fine, I’ll come with you tomorrow.”

“You didn’t exactly have a choice.”

The knock on your door wakes you up the next morning.

Groggy a little from drinking the night before, and from the soreness of your face, you are not the happiest when you open the door up to greet Yuta and Jaehyun. They are standing on the thick snow that has covered the ground overnight, all equipped up and ready to go. The two of them look noticeably more content as well whereas you are just there basically ready to beg them to let you sleep some more. Actually, ready to beg them to leave you alone altogether.

You could really use a day off after falling face-first to the concrete yesterday. It has been long since you have had a day off anyway. Lately it was either you were going out on a patrol or sweep, or you were training the new recruits and the volunteers. You kind of did not remember the concept of sleeping in at this point.

“I would say good morning, but your morning looks far from any of that.” Yuta says in an annoyingly bright tone, and then he points at your face. “Your face didn’t swell up. I don’t know if you can tell, but that’s magical.”

Your fingers reach up to your sore cheekbone once again. Yuta is all true, there is no swelling up although it hurts so bad still as if you had not cleaned it up, when you did. Multiple times. “Just come in. I’ll wash up and grab my coat.”

They walk in when you hold the door open for them and scoot to the side, and make their way to your couch, plopping down on it without any care. You make your way to the bathroom in silence and quickly wash your mouth and face, only bothering to change your clothes because you see a change hanging over the shower cabin. After doing so you hurry over to your wardrobe in your room and grab your coat along with your gear, and make your way to the pair of boots you had been wearing for quite long. You ask your question while you are struggling with putting them on. “Why are we going out anyway? I thought every spot was clear.”

“Someone said that the crops are dead already outside the walls,” Jaehyun answers. “Means the winter’s coming faster and harder. And that means herds may come in faster. Taeyong just wants to make sure nothing’s out of control.” Which does make sense that him and the council would decide on something like that, especially after the chaos that was a couple of years ago. Uncontrollable increase in infected meant uncontrollable increase in herds moving around, and that meant uncontrollable fullness of areas, which meant hunting for supplies were almost halted, which meant there was a serious shortage in supplies. “Plus, we’re running low on medicine. So if we find any on the way,”

“Yeah, okay.” You nod as you let your foot fall after tying the last knot. “Is it only us three?”

“No,” Yuta jumps at the question, almost. “Donghyuck’s coming as well. Said he needs to let off some steam.”

“Why?” You chuckle. He looked dandy fine last night at the square, warming himself up by the fire and chatting and laughing with people. “I heard they fought with Mark.” Jaehyun, once again, answers.

“Again?” Grunting as you wear your coat, you zip it up before opening the door and holding it out once more. The boys stand up and walk towards the door. “Why can’t they keep their stuff to themselves?” You laugh, dearly hoping this fight is not another one feisty enough to keep them from talking to each other for months.

“Wouldn’t know.” Jaehyun mumbles, and waits for you to close your door before starting to walk with you. You smile at the close proximity he keeps with you as you two walk behind Yuta, following him to the stables near the big metal gates through the lively streets.

Donghyuck is already waiting for you when you arrive. He complains about his horse being taken by someone else first thing when he spots your group, prompting the stable staff to laugh behind him, presumably at the fact that he is not complaining that he will be going out for a patrol in the freezing cold, no, but that he is complaining about ‘his’ horse that is technically not his being taken away. He does not really bother to greet you as well. It is a common theme with him, so you do not take offense.

Once you are handed your horses over to you, you make your way to the gates, holding them from their reins— just in case if they ever get freaked out from the sounds the gates decide to make.

You spot a familiar face at the gate. Walking over to him is basically an instinct. “Hey,”

“Hi.” Mark smiles at you, and pets your horse on the nose a little.

Mark is important to you.

He is the person that has accompanied you on your way here after your last settlement got raided by a large group of people that belonged to a community called Nox— the largest community ever established after everything went wrong with the world, and the most developed, as well. Their recruiting process was very disciplined, they had spread all over the country in years and mostly aimed specifically for the big cities, which allowed them to have plenty of resources and people with ‘greater’ professions (like doctors, scientists, military officials, agents, anything that was deemed to be handy in an apocalypse) in their communities.

That had been what happened. It was supposed to be a recruitment, but once people denied to be a part of them and stood up for themselves, they did not like that. At least the branch that they had sent out did not like that.

Your settlement was up in flames by the time you and Mark made it out of there. The night had brightened up as if it was the morning.

Then, it was a month full of almost-dying. The two of you had been out of your settlement before, but not for long periods where you also had to look for some place that would take you. Infected wanted to get you, and if they did not, it was the people. Sometimes they would take you in for a short while, letting you use their resources before changing their paths and letting you go with a bit of a help; maybe weaponry, maybe food, maybe medicine.

Mark and you would have to find hiding spots and places to sleep, and a lot of the times you would just make do with sleeping under a vehicle in the cold in unpopulated areas. Although hard to believe, those spots were one of the least visible and most secure.

The two of you had saved each other perhaps countless times from dying. You were not friends before you ran away from your settlement. You did not exactly know a lot about each other beforehand, only acquainted as a familiar face you would see on the street. Yet when you ended up together, you cared about each other so unexpectedly much.

After you came to the city, though, it had changed a lot. They put you on schedules and dorms and houses that mostly did not go with each other, so the communication had broken— except for slight communication through Johnny who was your middle ground with his role of being a mutual friend. The sheer care you had for each other had stayed the same, though. It would have been difficult to let go of that.

“What happened to your face?” Mark asks and instinctively reaches out for it, making you hiss when his fingers come into contact with the sore red spot. He immediately retracts. “I fell.”

His brows furrow as if he is not believing it, so you laugh to calm him down. “No, I really fell. Planted face first onto the concrete.” That makes him chuckle, but his brows are still furrowed. “Of course you’d do that.”

Mark takes a deep breath. “You have everything you need?”

Someone shouts from behind, one of the watches. “Herd patrol, open the gates!”

“Yeah, I do.” You answer him, and he smiles a bit more reassuringly. “Be safe out there. Let me see you from the gate when you come back.”

There is the screeching sound that the gates do whenever they open that would surely attract some infected if there were any of them around, so you could only hope there were not. Your hold on the rein gets tighter when your horse gets a bit agitated from it. “I’m coming back and you know it, Mark.” Smirking, you step on the foot hold and mount onto the saddle.

He says only one thing before he lets you go. “I do.”

Outside the gates could have been just as pretty as it always was if it was not for the thick snow that coated everywhere and made it hard to travel.

Underneath the thick cover of snow would be overgrown grass and wild plants and flowers that definitely were made to not be natives of the land before any of this had happened, but were now claiming their home to themselves and growing freely without any control. You did not know what most of the plants or flowers even were, even though they had taught you back in school— but you knew you would never be a farmer or a wanderer. You knew you would never have to rely on that knowledge so giving up on it was pretty much an instant thing.

Above the snow, though, were pines and willows thriving in the humid cold. Corkscrew willows, narrow leaf willows and glaucous willows were painting the very much white and grey scenery some lighter shades of green and pink, glistening with the snow sitting on them when the silver but blinding sunlight hit their surface.

You were pretty much on watch the whole time as the possibility of a herd passing through occupied your mind. There were the occasional wildlife passing through the valley, mostly rabbits, dogs and squirrels, and the occasional deer. They run around, sometimes passing under the horses or too close to them and scaring them a bit off. It was nothing that you could not take care of though.

Through a mutual agreement, you go to the town first since it is a good distance away from the city still and is one of the places that is sure to have any signs of a herd if they are coming in. That was because there were not a lot of traces of the infection since there is no people that still live in that town, and the infected would just roam through to potentially find a host.

Some of them would just die on their own from the cold and spew out spores in hopes of reaching something. They usually did not.

When you are in the Western-looking, red and brown brick-borne town, you divide the sections and go your separate ways. You probably would not have done that had the entrance of the town been crowded, but it had not been anything close to that. Yuta insists on his advice for all of you to do everything as quietly as you can just in case, and you all seem to agree on that, considering this is only a patrol and not a sweep and you do not have that much ammo.

The South of the town was mostly empty to your delight. Definitely more crowded than how it usually was this time of the year, but nothing you could not take care of. You did not even have to waste too much of your ammo taking out the infected that were already there— ones mostly freshly infected. Runners, who could still see you and who could still run and who still looked like humans except for their blood covered mouth and hands. They looked alive. They grunted, they made humanly noises, they twitched in their place. It almost looked like whoever they used to be was still inside them and was trying to fight that damn thing off.

It made your blood go cold at the thought every single time.

Once you are done with the infected you could see so far by the help of your trusted stealth skills and dagger and only some of your ammo, you check on a couple of buildings that were on your list that had not been explored yet. But after being open for anybody to come and loot year after year, there was not much that you could find. Some rubbing alcohol hiding away in a stash of unusable supplies, some canned food that were very suspiciously still not out of date, and a few more things. Nothing too useful.

Within a bit over a couple of hours at the least, you make it back to your meeting point at the main street of the entrance, the supplies stacked behind your horse and on the board she was equipped with that would help her in being able to drag everything comfortably. To your relief, everyone is already there, and there are no infected in sight. “Anything useful?” Jaehyun asks, and you shake your head.

“I could get some rubbing alcohol and some gas for the generators, but that’s about it.” Yuta nods at your words. “Same here— except I found this stash of ammo and some meds, but I didn’t take any of it.”

Donghyuck glares at him with an obviously visible amount of anger in his eyes, which makes Yuta further explain himself. “I don’t want to mess with them if they’re a trespasser. I’ll give it a week, and if it’s still there then, I’m just gonna dive in because the prick had some good stuff in there.” He sighs. “I also left a note, saying you’re kind of fucked, friend, because the herd’s coming. Told them to head down to the river following the valley and that the place with working lights and big metal gates would welcome them if they’re smart about it.”

Sometimes Yuta could be extremely innocent, wanting to believe everyone is good, but he had something about him where most of these people he left notes for would actually turn out to be decent people that would join your community. So you could only hope whoever this was would be the same. “That is so sweet of you, but I think some of the herd is already here.” Donghyuck says, and all of you turn your heads to him. “You know the hotel half of it’s said farewell? It was flooded with infected. Of all kinds.”

“Sounds like a fucking dream.” Jaehyun murmurs, kicking around the snow a bit with his boots, looking down. You lay a supportive hand on his forearm. “Sweepers will be lucky though. Some of them are loaded with stuff— backpacks on and everything.”

But his words still hold a heavy weight to them, because these poor souls just did not survive for as long as they planned for. And it makes you wonder, wonder if they were alone or in a group, moving or not moving, had a family or not, had friends or not; what was their original plan? Did they even have a plan, or did everything just happen when they were hidden away in somewhere?

“I found a safe, like a whole dark room,” Jaehyun says. “Inside an apartment. I guess they were a pharmacist or a doctor or something— there are a lot of bottles and boxes of medicine and compounds. And I hardly think they belong to anyone at this point because the door lock was literally rotting away.”

“You think it’s okay to take?” Donghyuck asks Yuta, who nods promptly. “Let’s not take all of it just yet, though. Leave it for the next patrol or the sweepers, they can get the remainder later.”

And then he clears his throat. “Why don’t you two go ahead?”

You two. Jaehyun and you.

Before you know it, you are already sent that way and are trotting your way down to the apartment with your horses. The apartment is definitely not close to the meeting point, especially had you been on foot, but with trotting your way down it was much easier to access. You see the infected Jaehyun has taken down, and again, most of them were Runners; the only explanation you could come up with was that the actual herd had had a feast in another settlement or an area ridden with survivor groups, and since they are Runners they can move faster which is why they are already here with the cold. Basically that they are the herd before the herd.

You dismount when you arrive at the brick and brown, dirty looking building and follow Jaehyun up the stairs that by some miracle do not just collapse, watching him easily open up the doors after having broken into them.

Like he said, the room is there, mostly dark but only lit when its door is open and light spills in through the shutters, and it really is packed with medical supplies.

“I randomly inspected some of them, most of it’s not out of date yet.” You nod at him when he looks at you. “Okay.”

But something genuinely pisses you off. It has been pissing you off for some time, so the only thing you can do is confront him when you are alone. “Jaehyun,”

“Yeah?” He kneels onto the floor and starts inspecting things again, placing some of them into the bag he had grabbed from the side of the saddle before you made your way in. You kneel in front of him and sigh, looking down at his hands and spotting the slightly scarred knuckles. Probably from subconsciously pushing on doors while breaking in. “I know it was weird a few nights ago because everyone was around, but it’s weirder right now because you have a thing where you go awkward and quiet when you feel that way,” His eyes bore into yours. “And I really can’t stand that,” You let out an airy chuckle, and he kind of smiles as well. “So either kiss me like you mean it next time or never do and let us stay as friends.”

It was supposed to be a basic thing.

Jaehyun had kissed you a few nights ago at a movie screening. He had asked you to watch the old sci-fi movie with him, and had waited for you in front of the cinema, stuck between the crowds of people of all ages. Throughout the movie you had just whisper-chatted back and forth, almost none of your attention on any of the scenes even when they got louder. The topics of your chats had been lighthearted and fun as well, gossiping a bit about your friends and telling each other about funny encounters you recently had with people around the city or outside. Sometimes the chats were about the movie, with questions of what would you do if you were living in that universe instead of this one, which one would you prefer and more, debating on the questionable answers; throwing your dried and seasoned corn at each other if either of you thought the other had absolutely ran out of any sanity.

After the screening he had just asked you if he could kiss you as if it was the most normal thing he could ask, saying he could not wait any more, and you had let him because the mutual attraction had been there for too long and you wanted him to kiss you just as much as you had been wanting to kiss him.

But he had gotten shy about it— crowds were never Jaehyun’s thing, and that was fine. The thing that was not fine was how he acted around you for days after that, quiet and somewhat cold and awkward, when you were okay with it all and had expected him to make a move last night at the square.

He breathes out a laugh through his nose and looks down, playing with his hangnails and the traces of the rein that is left on his fingers, not deep but definitely visible still and a bit pink around the outlines. He smiles under his nose, you can see it because the lines of light that hits his face illuminate the side of his lips that is curled up, and when he picks his head up and the lines hit his brown eyes, you are smiling too.

Because Jaehyun places his hand at the back of your neck and kisses you.

Firmly, with care, and like nobody else is there— there is nobody there, but this time it feels like even if there were people he would have been fine with it. He lets you place your hands on the spots between his chest and shoulders, and lets you pull him further down with ease, spreading his other hand that is holding you on your back to give you better support. He opens his mouth first for you, maybe to show he is meaning this and he means so much more, and you give into it. That goes on for a while with hands roaming wherever they can. You only come back to your senses when his teeth scratch your bottom lip.

He stops when your hands push against him lightly. “Any longer and Yuta will never let this die down.”

Nibbling on his lip with his teeth, Jaehyun huffs a smile and nods. “He really won’t.” And he leans in again, only pecking you this time.

Johnny and his predictions that gave you the bravery and encouragement to do these kinds of things could go fall face first onto the concrete.

The rest of the patrol and getting back to the city go almost seamless, except for the fact that you had to pass by a couple of groups of infected— some Runners who had spotted you and alerted the Clickers (one of the older stages of infected where the infection has taken over most of their skin and has made its way out, taking over their eyes and using echolocation with the clicking sounds that comes from their throats) with the sound they made. They caused a bit of a hassle, but nothing you could not take care of; not with Jaehyun’s quick bow skills as you galloped through the occupied areas of the valley and all of your leftover ammo. “You’re losing a lot of arrows, don’t you think?” Donghyuck asks Jaehyun, shouting a bit out of breath since the galloping motion is taking a toll on him.

Jaehyun pulls the reins to himself harshly. “Yeah,” His horse halts without any discomfort, and you see him from the corner of your eye before he is left behind. “I’ll meet you at the gate!”

And he starts galloping to the opposite way.

If it was anybody else, any and most probably all of you would have started screaming some sense into him. But it was Jaehyun. Whose way of doing things outside, although stealthy, was very impulsive. So you do not take your gaze away from the road ahead of you, locking your eyes on the city just now visible as you make your way down.

It is already dusk by the time you are at the gates and the watches see you, asking where the hell Jaehyun is and offering to open the gates when Yuta tells them he is collecting his arrows back from a small area, so he should be back any minute. All of you agree that you do not want the gates to open before he comes so the noise does not attract anything more than it needs to.

Just as you expect, the missing person of your quad comes sooner than later. A proud smile is on his face as he goes on about being able to get back five of the seven arrows he had used, waiting for all of you to make your ways in before walking in himself.

“We have some gas and some meds,” You tell the watch who is there the second you walk in, to unleash the supplies behind your horse. “With plenty of infected on the side.” Donghyuck adds, too upbeat for the news he is delivering. One of the gatekeepers is quite mortified to hear that which is why he feels inclined to add more to his words. “Not a dooming amount, but we definitely need a few sweeps. It’d be worse if the herd caught up to them.”

“Why don’t you just go tell that to Taeyong?” Mark cuts in, and you can immediately tell how irritated Donghyuck gets. His face gets red, his eyes drop and squint, and he completely forgets about getting off his horse which all of you do at that point. “Oh would you look at that,”

Mark tries to hold a snicker in, you can tell, because his lips curl inwards. “It’s almost as if that’s not exactly what I was about to do. Fucking asshole.”

Mark finally gives in then, letting his shoulders shake when he greets you, giggling. He tries to check if you have any bites since it is a procedure he needs to do, but he cannot do it effectively with how much he is giggling— which was fine, because he could very clearly see you did not have any bites. None of your clothes were torn, and your face, hands and neck that was not covered up was just very visibly in quite okay condition.

“I’m having dinner at Johnny’s tonight,” You tell Mark as he lets go of your hands, making him pick his head up. “Just saying.”

“I’ll see if I can pay a visit.”

You smile at him and make your way over to Jaehyun, letting him put an arm around your shoulders and walk away with you, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

He does pay a visit.

The night is pierced through with Mark’s laughter when Johnny’s mouth drops open. He stops mindlessly strumming his guitar when it takes over him. “Dude, I’m telling you,” He says between his laughs. “They didn’t even look at each other when they were leaving, and somehow they were all lovey-dovey by the time they got back.”

“Fuck you,” Johnny nudges you rather hard in your side, and this time you are snickering along with Mark just at the sight of his face. “You called me creepy when I knew all along.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Johnny. I apologize for not crediting you enough on your talent of predicting relationships.” Your smile dies down a little after that, and your voice goes a bit quieter with the confusion. “Well I don’t know if it’s a relationship yet. It just happened, sort of.”

Johnny shrugs at that and puts his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him on the couch with one of your legs dangling over and one of them propped up. “That’s fine. You guys can let it brew for a bit more. Just test the waters.” A breath of a chuckle makes its way out of your nose at his words and how the high you had felt a few hours ago had crashed down into this weird oblivion, but Mark nods in agreement.

You do not see it, but Johnny smiles down at you while you fix your eyes on the photographs on his wall. Some of his, some of his parents’, some of his newborn days— the final days just before the infection started taking all over the country and the world. There are a few with you and Mark, too, a couple of them looking downright awkward with Mark and you too numb to the friendship he was offering you after coming to the brink of death maybe tens or maybe hundreds of times, and another couple of them where the photos are just blurry with how much you were laughing and it made steadying his parents’ old camera harder.

He turns his head to the opposite side, facing Mark. “You got any sick raps, Mark?”

“What is that question?” Mark howls out, laughing his chest off like he always does. “When you say it like that I don’t wanna rap ever again.”

But he does, because Mark is like that.

Johnny and you do your best in hyping him up, shouting and howling and springing in your place to the beat of his lyrics. You two let him rap until he really does not feel like it anymore, and you listen to him when he goes back to strumming his guitar, softly singing some things every now and then. So quietly that you almost do not even hear it.

The night goes on like that. You just lounge around, Johnny between you and Mark, cozy and warm.

If there was anything about them two, it was that they made you feel normal somehow. Which is maybe why you cherished them so much, and what the three of you have.

Unfortunately, you wake up early once again in your own room in the morning even though you do not have any reason to.

There are some upsides to that when you have the day off, as much as you hate it. You get to take a shower with all cold, yet much appreciated water, and properly change your clothes into new ones after a long while, to make a breakfast with what you have stored away in your cupboards, and maybe even do laundry if you had any leftover homemade soap.

Sometimes you paid a visit to the dorms, checking up on lonely recruits if there were any that you had grown some kind of attachment to.

That morning you do all of that, too. You get your hair and body feeling and looking all clean, eat somewhat of a nutritious breakfast that is much better when compared with just going with an all empty stomach, change into some of your newest clothes that Johnny and Jaehyun had gifted you once after an outing for hoarding. Except while you are making your way to the dorms just to check on the newest recruits, you stumble upon a group of people lining in front of the entrance to the stables.

Your interest peaks when you spot Johnny, who is writing his name down on the board at the gates that open to the place. You hurry over to him as best you can in your still sleepy state. “Morning,”

He hears you but does not bother to turn his head to look at you, knowing you would come to stand next to him. “Hey.”

As expected, you halt when you are there. You look at his name on the board and his signature along with the date, and you know for a fact he is going out. “Sweep?”

“Yeah,” He lends the pen to the person next to him, and moves out of the line, prompting you to move away with him. “Signing up last minute. Taeyong and Yuta can’t make it out today, so.”

“Why?” You furrow your brows, and he shrugs a little. “Yuta’s needed at the training grounds today, and who knows what Taeyong has to take care of.”

He watches you as you sigh, truly tired of it, but the inner conflict is louder than any type of exhaustion you could possibly have. “Well I’m coming with you.”

When you try to walk into the line he steps in front of you, and puts a stop to whatever madness you are planning. His hands physically stop you as well as he places them on your shoulders. “No you aren’t,” Johnny’s voice is firm, and his brows are furrowed just slightly. “You need a day off. Your whole face looks purple with the cold, the lack of sleep, and the scar— and you look awful.”

He smiles then as if he had not just dragged the way you look all over the floor. “Just go and relax. Maybe spend some time with Jae, hm?”

You bite down on the insides of your lips and nibble on them, and furrow your eyebrows at the squeeze of your heart. “Just do me a favor and be careful. There are a lot of Runners around,” One of your hands come up half-bothered to point at the people in the line. “Tell that to the group as well.”

There is a silence that lasts a couple of seconds, but then Johnny pulls you in for a hug. “You know,” He mumbles. “If you actually talked to more people they’d like you better.” He knew what you would say, that you do not like the stares that people throw at you anywhere and everywhere, and that it stops you from approaching them. So, he stops that from happening before it can. “I’ll take your horse if that will make you feel any better.”

Stepping away from him, you smile and shove him a little. “Take my horse if it will make you feel any more secure, and send her back if your ass can’t make it.”

“Will do.”

Dusk comes, and the sun sets.

Some people do not return that evening, and Johnny is one of them.

Supposedly, his whole group is missing— which is a good thing, because it is not completely uncommon that people camp in some sort of a hide-out if the infected in the area are too much for them to handle with the amount of people they have and they think it is better to wait it out.

Which is why, although bitter, there is hope inside of you.

His parents are distressed when Taeyong comes to tell them the news, and they remain just as distressed afterwards if not more. Whenever you see them, you cannot help but notice how their faces are overborne with concern. Their brows are always furrowed, their mouths are always pointed downwards in a frown, their eyes always glazed over with what looked like thousands of thoughts racing all around, and the wrinkles on their faces are deepened in some areas with the weight and tension.

You grow distressed and restless as well, as hours— days pass. The concept of night and day loses its significance because you are too distracted during the day when you are supposed to be training the recruits, and too uncomfortable during the night rolling all over the bed without a drop of sleep in your eyes.

And it must be not only you that is feeling that way, because Taeyong knocks on your door in the dead of the night a few days after Johnny’s disappearance. When you open the door his arms are crossed over his chest, and he looks a lot paler than he usually is, his eyes red all around.

He gets straight to the point. “You, Yuta, Jaehyun and Mark. I want you to search for them while another group goes for a sweep.” His voice breaks at some point because of how tired he must be feeling and how scared. You nod slightly, the tension pulling and burdening your face. “Okay.”

After your mumbled, quick and short answer Taeyong turns right back on his heel and walks down the stairs of the porch. You cannot bring yourself to close the door just yet when you see him, a friend of a friend but a figure as protective and wise, walk away with his guards clearly down. “You should try and get some sleep,” You advise after him, even though you yourself are suffering from the same problem he is. “What you do matters.”

Taeyong does not slow down, and is out of your sight within seconds after he leaves your backyard.

Next morning, it is as if you had done a mutual agreement between the four of you, because you are all by the stables with the slightest hue of sunlight.

No one is smiling or looking content in any way or shape, but no one is agitated, either. The most healthy thing at that moment is to force yourselves to go numb altogether and you all know it.

With so much as some collective huffs you write your names down on the board and sign in the hand-drawn boxes next to them, being able to see all of the missing people’s names that were out just before you— it was never a pretty situation. The stables are kind of empty from all the horses that are missing as well and it feels weird to not be able to go out with the horse, your horse that you had considered a companion for years on end.

But Anubis, the black horse assigned to you that day, was a good compensation. He was surprisingly comfortable with you from the get-go.

The stable you were in got too empty after all of the search and sweep groups took their horses with only a couple of them left behind, and before you knew it, you were on them and stationed in front of the gate. Handwritten documents were in Yuta’s hands mapping out yesterday’s group’s sweeping locations.

And as he said just before you all mounted on your horses, no one would be parting ways that day.

When the gates open, you immediately start galloping behind the sweepers— they collectively had more ammo than your group, and they were going in the same direction for a while, so they could be some sort of a shield for you if the groups had somehow started moving much faster all of a sudden. Your group would be heading to the settlement just a bit further away from the town you had gone through yesterday; most probably what used to be its business district if any of your predictions were true. The sweepers would be going to the town, figuring the groups that were saturated behind the town must be at its downtown now.

The way up the valley is rather empty, which is almost more unsettling when you think of how many people are missing.

Six, to be exact, counting Johnny.

You try to focus on different things, like how your backside hurts as you gallop upwards and Anubis pants under you. On the fact that he is a rather strong horse and you had never noticed that when anybody else was riding him. How he is maybe the most elevated horse you have ever had, and how his back is very uncomfortable to ride on even with a saddle. How he is very enduring considering he does not slow down in the slightest even after the valley starts getting a little rough, not falling behind any horses and even passing some of them if it was not for you that took him back under control.

It helps you, focusing on him, because you do not want to focus on things that might get your guard down.

The sweepers part their way with you at the point they need to, making a turn for the northeast once you enter the town, letting you pass straight through. Without any goodbyes because you have officially entered the danger zone.

And you truly have, because there are Runners around with not as many Clickers roaming through in the visible distance where the sweepers are headed. You can only internally wish them good luck.

It takes less than an hour to get to the probable business district that is filled with concrete and glass covered buildings unlike the town, overtaken by vegetation (and snow) that has washed over its blues and greys and beiges and the financial personality it once had— again unlike its brown and red brick counterpart.

All of you make your horses come to a halt once you enter the environment, again, just to make sure there is as little noise as possible. Dismounting from them and taking the reins in your hands is an instinct. “Where do we go first?”

Yuta looks down at the papers with Mark’s question. His fingers trace over the words until they find what they are looking for. “Well,” He huffs, placing a hand on his nape with a wince. “They were going to the law firm, the bank in southwest, the city hall and they would meet at the conference hall. They must be around these areas if we’re lucky.”

“And if they’re lucky.” Jaehyun says under his breath, but you hear him loud and clear. And you have a feeling that everybody does.

Yuta drops his hand that is holding the papers and sighs. “The bank’s the farthest one, let’s go.”

They are not at the bank.

Not in the bank, not around the bank, not in the subway station under the bank where there is a hide-out in one of the conductor rooms, not inside the surrounding business buildings all of which have of their doors opened whether it is one of the back/staff doors or the front entrances as if it is an all-you-can-get open buffet of places to roam around for the infected. When in actuality, your people’s strategy is to close the doors and lightly barricade them after coming into any contact, trying to keep as many infected on the roads so it is somewhat easier to wipe them out by narrowing their moving space. It also helped indicating whether there had been any recent trespassers at all, because most people not acquainted with your settlement would not bother with closing the doors behind them as they lost themselves in all the possible places to hoard.

And it all just means that there must have been trespassers recently, making the infected harder to find since they were free to go into the buildings, which must have messed up with the sweeping.

It does not feel right at all.

The law firm which is a rather small building is of no help as well. No alive, normal human is inside, not in any of the five floors that you have to clear out a little or around, and once again the doors are open. All you can find are supplies lying around the fifth floor that are definitely from the city’s storage so you know that they must have stayed for some time there at some point. You take them back. But there is nothing more.

To be truthful about things, none of you had your hopes up about the city hall. It was an extremely open space and was most definitely not the safest in this situation, nor the most resourceful place to hide or camp in anytime— or to hoard things with nothing but once-fancy tiles all over the interior and no leftover supplies from passing groups. However, they would have gone there to check if there was anybody hiding away, because people (especially in groups) who passed through did that since it is a quite distinctive and low building in between all of the higher buildings for those unfamiliar with the area. They would have brought them back to the city if any of them were there. So it does not surprise you when you find the city hall empty as well, except for the sea of infected that swarm the grand entrance to the hall that make your eyes widen and immediately shut the door close when you first open it up. Plus holding onto dear life pushing against the doors with Jaehyun when some of them are attracted to the noise and make a run for it.

Sweep season was the worst season.

Through a mutual agreement, you barricade the doors a little (a lot) tighter with fire truck hoses that have long been detached from the abandoned truck between the hall and one of the high-rise buildings that most probably was sitting there since the outbreak day, where fire trucks were not only used for the countless fires that started especially in the traffic, but also to rescue people stuck in upper floors of buildings that were taken over by the Runners.

There is no way the infected trapped in the hall can open the doors through layers upon layers of a thick hose wrapped and tied around the handles of the entrance, at least you all would like to believe that.

When your heart rate picks up is when you spot a building with its visible doors closed on the way to the conference hall. “Wait.”

Everyone stops, prompting their horses to do the same as them. The guys look at the direction of your gaze, and they all seem to come to a realization. “Do you think-?”

“I think there’s no reason we shouldn’t.” But Yuta does not look too keen on it, so you have to agree further. “There’s something obvious here, and I think it’s an objective point when I say that.”

He nods at that and clears his throat, looking up at the building for a split second. “Is it okay if you search with Mark? Jaehyun and I’ll be here, I kind of need a second thought as I plan out the mapping for if they aren’t here or at the conference hall.”

“That’s fine.” You assure him, and nod your head at Mark. “Let’s go.”

Inside the building is eerily quiet, but brightly lit with the afternoon sun shining through all the glass. You have never been in this building before, at least you do not think so, because the lobby does not ring the slightest bell to you.

There are bodies of infected that are taken out lying all around. They paint the light creme flooring red with their blood, but it is comforting. Because it is for certain that they have been here, at least.

A fire exit door is all that you are looking for, or a staff room that could possibly lead to the stairway, but it takes a bit of an embarrassingly long time for you two to spot anything in the seemingly open-spaced, bright lobby. You come to learn a bit after starting to walk around that the entry to the stairway beside the elevators just outside of the oval lobby is also blocked with something on the other side.

“There’s a crack in the elevator doors,” Mark suggests, and although ladders are the one thing you hate the most, you agree to take them to the upper floors.

It is so dark and humid inside with years upon years of unventilated air, the smell of rust and rot is absolutely disgusting, and you fear that the years-old ladders will break any second with both you and Mark’s weight on them. Not to mention how tiring climbing up a ladder can be for your arms and legs when you hold onto the thin and flimsy metal waiting for the other to separate one of the elevator doors, most of which are rightfully blocked.

On one of the far upper floors, though, there is no blockage, and you can swing yourselves onto the hallway. Which is scary to be honest, especially when you are all this way up and if you miss anything your way down will be met with an old, hard, rusting top of an elevator on your back.

But god bless the planners (maybe their souls) of this place, because the ladder is close to the opening enough that you can swing onto the floor without too much hassle. Neither of you slip after jumping down onto it.

“Do you think,” Mark dusts himself off as if it would help with anything, takes a deep breath in his tired lungs, and rephrases his words. “Do you think they came all the way up here through that?”

“Maybe they blocked the stairway and the doors,” You suggest instead, and it sounds a lot more like the option the two of you would like to believe in. “Right half yours left half mine?”

“Sure.” He answers, and the two of you go your separate ways on the big office floor.

A few doors open to the empty, messy office rooms and you check through the drawers for anything worthy to take back with you even though there is not much of it. One of them provides you with some scissors and lighter liquid, which end up being the most usable things you get out of them. Some doors do not even budge with whatever is blocking your way.

But there is a room at the visible end of the hall where the door will budge, but will not open.

You resort to using your shoulders to break into the room rather quickly. There is not any particularly loud sound coming from behind the thick, polished wooden door, and something about it being left secure but still accessible made you think there must be something behind that door that is useful. Maybe a stash of actually usable supplies or much preferably, anything that leads you to your missing people.

The door opens with your fifth push, and you hear the sound of a broken lock clink on the ground.

You also hear the shriek of a Runner who jumps you immediately after being attracted to the sound.

With the force of your push you have basically thrown yourself into the arms of the Runner which is never a good thing or in any way close to an ideal situation, and you have to duck away by kneeling lower and throwing yourself to the sharp opposite side of where the infected is facing to make sure it does not grab your arms. You take a few steps away but it is just as fast as you are, so you have to use your quick wit and draw out your gun in the blink of your eyes, shooting it in the head— impractically unable to care whether there were any infected on Mark’s side or not because it was either you or whoever they were with the shock and the pace of things.

The mess of a creature falls down with a slump, your heart absolutely racing but also dropping— because as you look down at it you can see that you know who she used to be. You were not friends or even really acquaintances, but you know for a fact that she lives in the city. So you turn back around to the open-planned office with your fast approaching panic and adrenaline.

Which is when you see it.

Johnny, slumped onto the floor, sitting with his legs spread out. Johnny, whose ankle looks broken. Johnny, who has his gun in his hand.

Johnny, who has a bite mark on his exposed right arm where orange-salmon colored fungi is growing out, extending upwards to his shoulders and neck.

Johnny, who has a hole on the left side of his chest, red spatter over the wall behind him, slumped on the floor with fungi growing out of his arm ready to grow all over his glowing skin until he grows into the wall and starts letting out spores.

Johnny, dead.

You do not know if any air makes its way into your lungs. It surely does not feel like it. Your ears ring and your eyes go dark with purple spots all over your vision and you get dizzy and nauseous, but somehow, you stand.

“Mark!” You shout out, surprising yourself, calling and alerting him when you can already hear his fast approaching steps thumping on the floor at the sound of the gun fire. Before barely a few seconds can pass he barges into the room with his gun in his hand but stops when he sees you frozen in place. Then, he follows your gaze.

Even from the side of your eye, it is obvious he flinches. “What the hell happened here?” His voice is not above a whisper.

You look at the less familiar face lying on the ground, and its shoulder. “The bite marks look similar.” There is no sense of stillness in your voice as you speak. “I guess they just locked themselves away,” Teeth grinding tightly, you let out a silent and choked sob, because you cannot believe any of this bullshit your eyes are seeing.

Mark takes a few steps towards Johnny and picks something up from the ground— a paper— making his way to you. But he stands on his own while he reads with his slightly shaky hands, and crumples the paper once he is done skimming over it. He sits next to you on the hard, carpeted but otherwise concrete floor. “They got bit while they were clearing out the basement,” His lips wobble a bit, but he quickly covers it up by placing his fist over his mouth until it goes away. “Locked themselves in here so they wouldn’t harm anybody.”

“If the trespassers didn’t go through the district leaving every goddamn door open, none of this would’ve fucking happened.” Maybe you were trying to blame it on someone, or maybe you really were mad at them for their ignorance as they went through the city. You did not know for certain, although it felt a whole lot like it was the latter. Because they would not have had to camp here anyway. There would not have been infected in the buildings in the first place.

You sit down where you are standing, looking at Johnny.

All you know is that this was unfair. If anyone deserved surviving long in this world it was Johnny. He was physically strong, and he had a good mental attitude, and he was so purely good that the last thing he deserved was to die the way everybody did, alone and scared and not wanting to turn into one of those things. He deserved to die of old age if anything after living a happy and healthy life, continuing to help lonely recruits like you and Mark— doing what he likes to do until his very last days. Training, falling in love, teasing and pestering his friends whenever and wherever, giving advice, making people’s stomachs hurt with his smooth and not-so-smooth jokes, doing photography as long as that camera of his would survive, spending time with his family and not moving out of their house even though there are available houses until the time comes when he absolutely has to.

But he cannot do any of those things anymore.

He also cannot be there for you or Mark anymore.

Your trembling hand comes up to spread over your eyes and your fingers rest on your temples, and you hitch a breath in. “What are we going to do?” You ask Mark with your just as trembling voice as if he would know. The question is not necessarily about this particular moment in time, but about the far future as well. He lets it linger in the air as his eyes switch between the two bodies.

“Well,” He clears his throat when his voice shakes violently and looks at you, his hands playing with the carpet, picking and tearing away. He chooses to ignore the far future, at least for now. “We’ll have to tell his parents first.”

The hand on your face falls down. You look at Mark, and he notices how wide your eyes are. He knows you cannot comprehend it by the way your eyes look, looking right through him with your shell shocked, hundred-yard stare. “No,” You whisper. “Mark, I can’t.”

“That’s fine,” He looks into your eyes with his own that are glazed over, and nods reassuringly. “I can.”

But it does not feel better. Instead, it makes you feel worse immediately, because you feel like you at least owe Johnny and his parents this. It makes you feel ashamed that you will not do even one thing about it, because you do not think you would ever be able to look into his parents’ eyes again; knowing you joked about it before he left and you were too unbothered to go out after him before you were ordered to do so. There is nothing in your heart, mind, or body, that tells you that you can do it without completely losing yourself in the process.

The two of you collect yourselves and come back to your senses as quickly as you can, because you knew Yuta and Jaehyun would be on you if you were any more late.

Mark helps you in carrying the bodies down the stairs which is an extremely tiring task considering you go down several floors, and the mental toll it has on you. The two of you unblock the fire exit door and push the metal drawers and organizers aside, opening the door and carrying them to the lobby.

Then, you head outside. Yuta and Jaehyun do not spot Mark and you until you get closer, but when they do, their brows immediately furrow. “We need two bags.” You mutter, feeling your chest stutter with the words. Their faces fall at that very second. The grip Yuta has on his map that he is holding tightens and his knuckles go white, and he sighs with utter disappointment. Knowing Yuta, it is at himself.

“One of them’s Johnny.”

The muscles on their faces relax only for their eyes to widen.

It takes a few hours for all of you to get back to the city once you put them in bags and start riding, not galloping nor trotting; deciding not to look for the others knowing it would take a longer time to get back and not wanting to stress out anyone in the city further. A night group could easily replace yours.

When you are at the gates the sun has long set. Questions arise once the gates open and the bags dragged by the horses are seen. You and Mark answer them since you are the ones who found them in that state, where you found them, which building, which floor, was there anything written around them, any symbols, any human spotted around the area— anything useful.

You give them the answers still in a daze, and let them take Anubis from your hand. Without waiting for anybody you start walking, on the way to your house.

Except, you do not end up in your house for a while. You wait in the dark, just around the corner leading to Johnny’s house and you watch Mark deliver the news to them. Although you cannot hear what he says to them, you can see it clearly with the light on their porch. How Mark delivers the news with his hands linked in the front, fiddling with his fingers a little as he looks at their expectant faces. How Johnny’s mother hugs into his father once she hears the situation, both of them shaking with sobs. How Mark’s shoulders drop and how he tries to console them, but stopping when Johnny’s mother does not take a step away from her husband and he waves at Mark presumably wanting some space and time alone to themselves.

You watch as Mark nods and leaves, and you head to your house. Hurrying into your backyard, you swing open the door and kick off your boots. Not bothering to put them in their place, you take your bag off your shoulders and the only reason that you do not let it fall onto the floor is because of the guns packed inside. Then, you make a move to take your coat off.

And the damn zipper gets stuck.

With a sigh, you force it down. But it does not budge. So you try again, but it will not move. You wait, nibble on your lips, give it time to change its mind: maybe it was frozen and it needed to thaw.

But when you try again, it just does not want to move down.

Pissed off, you try to strip out of the coat. But that proves to be almost harder. Everybody wears thin but warm, lightweight coats to make their movability better, especially outside. But moving your whole arm to yourself and then down while holding the two layers of clothes, one thick sweater and the thin coat on top of it was undoable— because then they were fully limiting your movement.

And you had to take it off. You need to take it off.

Your hands then start picking and grabbing at the coat trying to rip it off, and that is when your door opens without any alert beforehand and Jaehyun walks in.

“What are you doing?” He whispers and walks over to you near your couch. You only stop struggling when he stands in front of you. “I can’t get it off, it’s stuck.”

He notices how you will not look into his eyes in the dark, and he notices the tears streaming down your face that you probably are not realizing. “Okay.”

Jaehyun walks over to your bathroom and takes a bar of soap you have. He walks right back to you in complete silence and dabs at your zipper with the sleeves of his hoodie up and down to take off the excess moisture, and starts slathering on the soap along the zipper until its sharp corner has visibly softened and the zipper looks white with the coat of it. He then fumbles with the zipper for a few seconds before it slides right down.

It makes you feel a mixture of embarrassment and anger, and you sniffle, only then realizing that you are crying after feeling the wetness in your inhale. Your lips waver as you try not to let a sob out. “There you go.” He mumbles as he helps you out of the coat and places it on the arm of your couch. He picks your boots up and places them next to the door.

“Let’s wash your hands.” He suggests, and you look down at your hands, seeing the blood from that Runner.

Jaehyun is almost late to hold you once your face violently scrunches up and you start fully letting it out, shaking with choked sobs.

Because your crying does not subside for several minutes, he ends up going to the bathroom again and comes back with a couple of wet rags, soaping one up and cleaning your hands delicately before wiping them off. He leads you to your bed then and lets you lie down, pulls the cover up, and kneels down in front of your face. “Try to sleep, okay? Force yourself to if you need it.”

You nod at him, and let him leave after he smiles at you.

His eyes had looked empty, which was always the worst for Jaehyun.

The next morning you hear your door lightly opening in your sleep, and being carefully shut. A few steps make their way over to you slowly and the empty side of your bed sinks with a somewhat loud huff.

Whoever it is waits for a bit, lets you sleep a little more even though you are not deep in it. That goes on for a few minutes before your bed sinks closer to your back, and it sinks a bit less than before— an elbow.

Fingers start running through and playing with your hair. It must be Jaehyun. And you are right. “Taeyong let me and Donghyuck take over you and Mark’s work for a couple of days, so you don’t have to go in today.” He softly whispers, and you nod slightly. “How’d you know I wasn’t sleeping?” You ask in hopes of distracting yourself from the thoughts and views that race over your eyelids, and open your eyes when it does not exactly work out.

He answers with a slight smile. “Your lashes fluttered when I walked in.” You feel him place his chin on your shoulder. “You slept any?”

Gulping, you shake your head. “Just got some shut-eye.”

“That’s okay.” Jaehyun whispers. “Better than keeping your eyes open. I’m happy you got some sort of rest.”

He sighs and takes his hand off your hair then. “Yuta wants to see you and Mark eating so he’s preparing breakfast. I have to leave, but head out soon and try to eat for me. A few bites is all I’m asking for.”

“Okay.”

Porridge and bergamot tea.

The breakfast Yuta has prepared for you and Mark, with some dried plums and apples inside that he fried on the pan a little. It smells nice, looks less so.

There is no one to greet and welcome you initially when you are in front of his house that is on the same street as Johnny’s. But it does not matter because you barge in to avoid being seen by his parents, taking big strides from the start of the street. You hear the stir of the wooden spoon inside the metal pot, and the fruit that spills in while you make your way to the kitchen.

Mark is sitting at the island counter of Yuta’s kitchen with his elbow on the surface, his head leant against his hand.

Yuta turns away from the cream colored counters and his electric stove once he hears the footsteps. “Morning.”

You see Mark’s head only tilt a little, but not fully to the extent that he can look back at you. “Hey.” Your voice does not really come out, so you clear your throat. Yuta’s face falls a little at that. “Is there tension in your throat?”

“Yeah.” You sit down next to Mark. With your hands placed on the surface, you turn your head to look at him but his face is covered by his hand and arm. “There’s some powdered ginger you can take in the pantry. But you should try and relax your muscles first.”

With that he pours the porridge into the bowls he has taken out for you, and serves them with a slight smile on his face. Then he pours the hot tea inside two small jars and hands them out as well. “Dig up.”

It does not feel right. The atmosphere is too heavy, but you know you will not get out of it unless you really eat something, so you pick up the spoon and take a spoonful of the meal, gathering a piece of everything. Letting it steam for a few seconds as you watch it, you contemplate putting it in your mouth because ever since yesterday you feel this sickness in your stomach. It is more fragile than it ever could be on any given normal day.

Even so, you take a bite. At first it feels like you will throw up at the sheer hue of sweetness in it.

But you chew, and continue chewing, and you do not throw up.

“I heard you’re going out again today.” Mark mumbles, which makes you perk up, looking at Yuta. His eyes widen in the slightest. “I am,” He says, his eyes looking boringly only at Mark.

You chuckle drily. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Taeyong wants me there. He’s going out too.” His explanation does not calm your heart, which feels like it is being squeezed, at all. You turn back to your bowl and continue picking some porridge. Just to avoid his gaze.

Yuta does not say that he would come back or that he would be okay. Because he knows that those words do not hold any meaning to them whatsoever, especially now. “I have to go soon, so you should better be finished with these before I do. I’ll let you drink the tea by yourselves.”

Mark and you start eating in complete silence. Mostly because Yuta is watching you eat and it is extremely uncomfortable, and it would be awkward to just talk as if he was not there.

It makes you both rush your meals as well. The bowls empty out in a matter of minutes and your stomach feels heavy, though in all honesty, it was a pretty good breakfast Yuta had prepared for you. It was a fact that you would not have bothered to cook or even to prepare something that did not need to be cooked.

When the two of you are done with your meals, Yuta smiles and takes the bowls away to wash them quickly. Mark tries to intervene and says that Yuta could go out and he would take care of the dishes, but Yuta shuts him right up saying he needs the distraction anyway.

You can see Yuta’s hands shaking slightly.

It is always difficult to know for sure what he is feeling. But if you had to give it a shot, you would say he is feeling either anxious or shocked, or both. He is the type to live his emotions very secretively, and you could never recall an instance where Yuta’s grief was noticeable. Maybe only when he had lost one of his recruited, young survivors on the way back home. That had changed him as a whole; losing someone (especially much younger than him) under his responsibility.

He leaves once the bowls are washed, not looking at your way or telling you goodbye. You are simultaneously thankful and angry at him for doing that.

The bergamot tea is still steamy. It somewhat burns your hands when you put them around the jar to warm yourself up and start looking into the dark substance, looking so deep into it that you start feeling as if you are part of the dark liquid.

Mark clears his throat. “You’re wearing the same things as yesterday.”

That is true: even though there is nothing that you want more than to take them off and trash them to never see them again. But at the same time, there is something inside of you that does not want to let go of them. Even if it is just taking them off.

You look at the side of his face, and see him taking a sip from the jar. “Could you sleep?”

He shakes his head with a gulp. “No, no. You?”

The two of you make eye contact when he finally properly looks at you, and you shake your head as well. “I kept seeing it like a picture— like something projected at the backs of my eyelids.”

Mark nods, and that is it for a while. No one speaks for some time and you sip your beverages together as if it is a chore that you have to do, as if Yuta would see you two if you spill the tea into the drain of the sink and would come after you, trying to get done as quickly as possible so both of you could leave to be by yourselves. And it goes on until Mark decides to speak in a low voice. “They buried him early in the morning. His parents didn’t want anybody to see.”

Your eyes burn and the lump forms back in your throat because you can understand why they would not want anyone to see, but at the same time, you cannot. “Some of his older recruits left him flowers and letters, seeing that made me feel a bit better.”

You nod. “He deserves that.” And so much more. Despite yourself you smile slightly, and Mark joins in understandably grim, nodding. “He does.”

The day goes by extremely slow, yet so fast once you are back at your house.

You let yourself take refuge on the bed and do not move much throughout the day, trying to sleep. Expectedly, you are not too good at doing that. You toss and turn and huff and look up at the ceiling meaninglessly until you can no longer hear kids playing outside and the adults going about with their daily duties; until daylight loses all of its significance. Until you realize you have melted into this state of mind and have completely forgotten about your needs, using the toilet, eating, or drinking water.

Yesterday’s clothes are still on you. And you cannot bring yourself to change out of them, again, even though there is nothing in this world you want more than to never see them again.

The night would have not had any significance whatsoever as well if it was not for the sounds of hurried shuffles through the snow that were coming out of your room’s window at whoever knows o’clock. Before you could even show any type of physical response to it- whether it be surprise or suspicion- there were loud and hard knocks on your door.

It takes probably all of the strength you have in you to get up and walk to the door. You laze your way over to it and swing it open, rubbing your eyes.

You would have expected it to be Jaehyun, since he must have gotten done with his duties. But it was not him. It was Mark.

Mark, whose eyes and face were lit up with adrenaline. There is not a single emotion you can make out from the way his face looks. The world could actually be ending for all you know, or the community might have been getting raided.

You cannot make anything out from the way his voice sounds, either, when you hear him speak the millisecond after the door knob turns. “They found the trespassers.”

The look in his eyes- whatever it was, shifts into concern for a split second before he carries on with his words. “One of them’s the one Yuta left a note for, they were making their way over here when Yuta found them.”

Those words spark a light in your chest because of course. Of course they were the ones that caused this whole thing in the first place and it sounds stupid to you now that you had not even thought about them when you noticed the doors were open.

Which is because the doors at the nearer town were, in fact, closed while you were there.

Now it does not make sense. “Wh- how- that doesn’t make any sense. The doors were closed when we were out earlier.”

Mark shrugs. “I don’t know, I guess they got the theme by the time they were there. Yuta told me about the whole interrogation,” He chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head. “They claimed everything before they could even ask the questions.”

“Do they know they fucking killed people?” You ask, and Mark flinches at the harshness of the words. However, he nods promptly. “Yuta told them. They said they were sorry-”

It makes you laugh at the sheer comedy of it. “They were sorry? That doesn’t bring them back or make up for anything.”

“Nobody ever said it does-” Mark defends, but you are too angry at them to stop. “You know how fucking miraculous it is to survive twenty five years- the whole ordeal, especially when you go outside frequently. His parents pushed through thick and thicker with a newborn baby just to get to where they are now, to give him a damn chance at life and this is how Johnny goes? Because of someone else’s stupidity and inconsideration?” Shaking from anger, you wipe at your eyes that have gotten a little wet while your blow-up was going on. You gulp and shake your head, feeling the tension in your jaws. “They should save their apologies because not even a billion of them,” Faster than lightning, you hold a finger up in the air in between you and Mark. “Would make up for a single hair of Johnny’s that got hurt nor for a single tear of his parents.”

Mark, your poor friend and companion, only nods a little. He knows how you get when you are angry, and he knows how fed up you must be feeling, and he can see how tired and out-of-it you look, so he does not talk. He knows that if he were to say anything you would spill words from your mouth you would either regret saying or would only upset you more, and he did not want that to happen.

Though, Mark did have to say one thing. A part of the truth that would concern the two of you. “They’re from the Nox.”

He watches your eyes slowly widen. In a matter of seconds, you look awake and aware as if you did get all the sleep you had lost the past two days within those few moments. You lean your shoulder against the door for support or from the shock, he cannot be sure. “What?” You whisper.

Mark shifts from his place, the tips of his shoes touching your socks as he leans in much closer- most probably to drown his voice out. The neighbors should not hear more than what they might have already heard so far, even though you had been conversing in low tones. “From the headquarters,” He whispers, looking into your eyes. “They came to recruit people from this area. The others are with them.”

Your brows furrow with the oncoming nerves. “So there were more of them and they just joined?”

After a second’s hesitation, Mark nods. “Seems so.”

“Why would they?” Upon the question, Mark takes a deep breath and pushes his shoulders back much like a school kid being questioned on a topic they have not studied, and looks at the side. The yellow lights from other people’s windows hit his face as he nibbles on his bottom lip indecisively. When he turns back to face you, the lights still illuminating the right side of his face, he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

Mark does not get surprised when you chuckle humorlessly. “Well I think it’s pathetic to run with people who’ve killed your own.”

It is quiet for a few seconds as he nibbles on his lip some more, but in the end something- that looked much like defeat- washes over him before he just nods a little. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Maybe five seconds of quiet before he speaks, looking down at his hands where his fingers are picking at scabs formed over his knuckles that seemed to be there every living day. “Um,” He swallows the words that would come after that at first, but he thinks, and thinks some more. It takes a couple of seconds, but he does decide to speak up. “You know what, nevermind. Maybe later.”

You get a bit taken aback but he cannot tell, because your brows are still furrowed a bit angrily and there is no other emotion over your face. “Do you know where Jaehyun is? He said he’d come straight after his duties.”

Mark’s mouth opens but no word leaves it. “He uh,” It closes and opens once again, his eyes widening a little. “He’s- he volunteered,” He clears his throat and looks down. “He volunteered for filiation.”

“Of what?” Your heartbeats have gotten significantly faster, stronger and heavier, but you cannot say if it is worry or the oncoming anger. “The trespassers’ base. Taeyong was looking for someone he could trust and he-,”

“Amazing,” You chuckle and shuffle on your feet, crossing your arms over your chest. “That’s amazing.” Mark sees you lower your head and your tongue swipe over your bottom lip as you smile bitterly, and when you raise your head back up, he can see the unshed liquid shine with the moonlight. “Why does nobody act responsible?” You whisper, and he sees the falter in your furrowed brows- the stutter.

But Mark knows you better.

He knows this is not how you truly think. He knows you out of all people want to move at the front, he knows you want that the most, and Mark knows you blame yourself for the things you are (in his opinion, rightfully) unable to do. He knows it is because you are scared. He knows you are terrified. Because it has been long, so long since either of you two have even gotten close to properly surviving outside and in all honesty: through these years of routinely going out for shorter periods of time and not having to dwell on things out of the gates, you two have grown accustomed to the feeling of homely safety. It really had felt like nothing and nobody would be able to reach you or anyone around you, even if it felt like it just inside the walls. The bubble of routine reality hidden in the much chaotic and unforgiving reality that was this community had slowly but surely implanted the expectation of seeing your loved ones get back home as if it was just a shift of a pre-apocalypse job- what they called 9-to-5.

And Mark knows this is almost like a reset, and that the sense of security and whatever this place has brought you feels like it is gone. He feels like it too.

Mark hates to see you this way. He hates to feel this way. He hates that Johnny was the one who had to go out of everyone, because he was the best of you.

But he knows he should take care of who he has left. In whatever way he can.

When he looks at you, the concerned look in his eyes from a few moments ago is back. “Have you slept any?”

You shake your head. “No.”

He nods as if he expected the murmured answer. “We’re going back to duties tomorrow, you need to sleep some.” Mark sees you chuckle just once and hears you mutter an ‘Easy to say.’ while tilting your gaze down, but he interrupts you by pointing inside, albeit a bit reluctantly. “Do you want me to help?”

“Would you?” He nods, the genuinity somehow visible from the way he does, and steps in gladly when you get away from the door and open it wide enough for him to walk in.

It had been long since the last time he had helped you sleep. It was a few years ago when you were on your own, having just separated from a group of survivors the two of you had become somewhat attached to. Their goals with life were much different than Mark’s and yours- two mere teenagers whose only wish was to not be much farther from home in hopes of reuniting with the people you had grown with.

Who could ever know that a little over three weeks of traveling on foot would already be too far from home, and too impossible to ever cross paths with? A miracle, really, ‘for kids your age’ (as people who were around the age of your parents would say).

Some nights the hopelessness and the feeling of never belonging to any group would take over you. Mark was the only person you could depend on, and you were the only person he could depend on. With how young you both were it was only natural that both of you had times where the cycle of hunger, loneliness, the paranoia of surviving and being infected, almost-dying but being saved, seeing the only person you depend on almost die but saving them, either being showered with love from other survivors or being hated for whatever reason, and getting left behind either way would get too much to deal with.

The two of you were camping overnight inside a completely empty water tower, warm and dark in the winter night- the last gift of the survivor group you had tagged along with had been an old map marked all over with safe and hopefully clear places to settle in. Plus the groups you should never encounter.

So he had done what he was doing right now. He made you lay down like right now, that time on the hard concrete and now on your kind of soft mattress that was slowly rotting away, knelt in front of you unlike in the past when he laid down beside you, started playing (more like softly scratching) with your hair and scalp because he knew it worked well to make you sleep, and sang in a low tone because he knew you loved it, and found comfort in it.

His voice sounds rougher than ever when he starts.

“Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,” This song is much too familiar, and it is Mark’s favorite verse of it. It means so much to him, having been brought up with faith in a world he once stated he felt was ‘too far from it’.

“And I will dwell on this earth forevermore,” His voice is soothing and soft, even though you knew he preferred his rapping much better over his singing. “Said, I walk beside the still waters and they restore my soul,”

He stops a little to take a breath, an unnecessary one, yet heavy. “But I can’t walk on the path of the right because I’m wrong.”

Mark’s voice is working its charm- or maybe it is knowing you are not alone, you do not know. But your head was getting clouded and dazed with the sleep creeping up to take you over already. He, however, continues. “Well, I came upon a man at the top of a hill,”

His voice cracks a little. “Called himself the savior of the human race,”

Through the cloud of sleep, you try to reach him. Only mentally, but you try to reach him. You wanted to hear him until the end. “Said he come to save the world from destruction and pain, but I said ‘How can you save the world from itself?’”

You barely make it to the end of the line, only hearing a glimpse of his sporadic whistling.

When you open your eyes you see Johnny sitting down next to your hand laid in front of your face, hugging the pillow. He smiles down at you, ruffling your hair for a bit. The room is dim- only the wall lights are on. The environment is mostly dark, even Johnny’s face that is much closer to you than anything. You can still see him pretty well, though, in the dim, warm yellow lighting.

His clothes are relatively clean. A few stains and tears here and there, but nothing unusual. Him and his parents’ ways of doing laundry were always superior to many others. You wanted to learn how but Johnny said you would have to come and do it with them once to properly learn once you are out of the dorms. Sometimes he would offer to do your laundry for you when the queues and waiting periods of the laundry got too long in the dorms- it was easier to have problems with water at a rather small place where a lot of people lived, and when they got their clothes really dirty almost every single day while getting educated on survival skills and agriculture.

His face is bright. His eyes are puffy just the right amount; he looks energetic. His smile is of genuine fondness towards you, and it makes you smile as well.

“Sleeping too deep?” He asks quietly. The dorm room is unoccupied excluding the two of you; your roommate had gotten a bad cold and was kept in the small hospital ward. You shake your head at his question but the yawn you let out contradicts with the motion. “I was just taking a nap.”

Johnny nods and looks down for a second, sighing a little before looking back at you and slightly raising his hand which held a tea cloth, showing off the little pouch. “Eomma sent some cornbread. I brought some dried figs as well.”

Excitement washes over you, and you take the cloth out of his hand gratefully when he holds it out for you. Unable to hold yourself back, you break a small piece off of a slice of cornbread and happily put it inside your mouth- giggling in delight when you notice the fresh corn taste and the fluffy texture. Johnny chuckles at your reaction and coos only a little.

His smile dies down pretty fast despite its brightness just a moment ago. Which is unusual for him, who likes to stretch his smiles out for as long as he possibly could.

“Can I lie down?” He asks and points at the pillow reluctantly. You nod and scoot closer to the wall, arching your back a little and tilting your head back to secure the tea cloth of snacks inside the small, empty vase placed on the windowsill. It operated as a whatever-holder: sometimes it was actual flowers, sometimes it was small jewellery or gifts you had gotten on your birthdays, sometimes the very occasional letter from Mark even though he was just two buildings down, but usually it was snacks from Johnny.

He lies down next to you and does not bother to get under the blanket, placing his hands on his stomach as he looks at the ceiling. You watch his chest rise and fall three, maybe four times before he can start speaking. “Did you ever observe one?”

“An infected?” He hums at your question. You look at the ceiling and try to remember a time you might have but nothing resurfaces. “Not really. Was too busy trying to save my ass. Or Mark’s.”

“You never went outside before the raid?” Johnny asks, quite curious. You shake your head again even though you are not sure if he would see it. “Not never, but we were in school mostly. It was high up in an apartment so it was the safest place. I did not have to worry much about them until we were older.”

An exhausted sigh makes its way past your lips and it is not only because you are physically exhausted. “And then we ran.” Turning your head to the side to look at his face, you smile. “And now I’m in a different kind of school.” Calling the dormitories a school was simultaneously a far reach and not. It was mostly to train people to not be shenanigans until they became adults, and to be responsible with their duties and communal living once they were one.

A hand laid on his stomach reaches out for one of yours and he holds it, squeezing in a way that could not be described as tightly but rather, strongly. In a way that reassured you and calmed you down, in the way that made all your past worth the present. “You’ll get to be a Wanderer soon enough. Just a few months more.”

“I just like the idea of having my own place,” You chuckle as you shrug, acting like being a Wanderer was the least of your interests. “A bathroom all to myself, a less shitty bed and having the freedom to walk around whenever…”

“Just make sure you don’t forget about us when you get your luxury.” He smiles and looks at you, and you smile back at him devilishly. “I couldn’t if I wanted to,” At that, Johnny’s mouth drops open in surprise and happiness, but you cut him off before he can even start, playing your game further. “You see, unfortunately most people I consider friends in here aren’t peaceful, calm farmers or healers or-”

“Yeah, we all have a fucked-up liking of the outside,” He nods as he talks to himself, eyes slightly squinted. But he comes to his own rescue with a protest. “It’s not like anybody can blame us. Being lost in the old world is quite dreamy when there aren’t screeching mushrooms running around.”

It makes you laugh the way he addresses once-people back from the dead, even snort a little. It had been long since you had seen one. Young recruits, or recruits that basically were not at the age of maturity, were not allowed to go on patrols, research scouts, or sweeps unless it was absolutely necessary. From what Taeyong had told you the first time you ever stepped foot into the dorms and were told about the way things went around the city, it was to give people, especially teens, a chance.

A chance to live at least until the day they were considered adults.

“Speaking of,” Johnny’s smile dies down once more. He takes a big breath, and his chest rises with it, and he holds it there for a few seconds. When it is let out, it sounds sad more than anything. Maybe even a bit depressed. “When we were out on a patrol today with Taeyong, there was this small group of Runners at one of the checkpoints,”

He looks at you, but you do not say anything, so he continues. “So we were clearing the place out as we do, and I went upstairs while Taeyong stayed behind just to be safe. I went into the studio to write down the report,”

With that he turns his gaze back to the ceiling, scrunching his eyebrows slightly. “And there was this.. Runner, it- he didn’t hear or see me so I hid behind a table. But he wasn’t moving around, you know? Just standing at the same spot. It was very early stage, he had just turned. Maybe a couple of days ago, I don’t know,”

He starts fiddling with his fingers. “He looked around the same age as me, or maybe a bit younger. Wasn’t flimsy, didn’t look like he’d been starving- he just looked healthy otherwise. But as I looked at him and the way he flinched, the way his hands moved and his shoulders cramped; the way he grunted.. it sounded too human.”

There is silence for a second or so, but he picks his words right back up. “And his eyes- his eyes,” Johnny breathes, and the sound that comes from his nose sounds a bit too stuffed and wet to be normal. “They didn’t look completely empty. Not even meaningless.”

He looks down at his hands that are still fiddling, his lips hanging out a bit the way they did whenever he was sleepy or sad. Then, he nods a little, confirms whatever is going through his mind. “I think he was there,” His voice cracks and stutters. “Inside. Trapped and waiting until it consumed his brain whole. Trying to fight back as if it would be any help.”

“And I couldn’t help but think, as I shot him down,” He shrugs and shakes his head. “That I’d never want to be trapped in my own body and have to wait until I have no control over it, if it ever happened to me.” And he looks at you.

Johnny looks at you.

With his sad, brown, dark eyes. His empathy for the Runner and for his own self. He looks at you so deep, almost like he is frozen.

Because he is.

You reach out your hand to touch his arm, and find it to be extremely cold, and stiff.

He is gone.

You wake up breathless and almost shoot yourself out of your bed with the force you are sitting up. Mark is gone, and nobody else is there. You are completely alone. The sky is just turning a bit grey, signalling the coming of the morning.

Sighing, you try to relieve some of the pain in your jaws and chest; trying to forget the memory of Johnny that was now your nightmare. You had clenched up too much, it felt stiff everywhere. Now, your head was hurting too.

There is not a single drop of sleep left in you- even if there was, you hardly think you would be able to go back.

So you get up.

Walking to your closet in a hurry, you pick out some clothes in the dark. In all honesty you do not even know what you are picking, but it does not matter. There would be very few people outside at the dead of the night if at all, and you could not care less about how they thought your outfit was.

This felt like the only time you could actually visit him. You just wanted to be alone with him, and the silence.

Once you wear your coat you are already half outside. You shut your door as quietly as you possibly could in your hurry, which was undeniably a little loud even if it had been a reasonable time to leave your house, but it was not like people would care. Unless someone or something was screaming, nobody really cared.

From your house to the cemetery took around ten minutes of walking, which was a reasonable distance given how spread out this city was. How it came to be this big you did not exactly know. Johnny had told you sometime that the bigger series of stone buildings belonged to a winery- the wines would be fermented in the summer and then shipped out here in the fall to age before being sold, which was what his parents told to him. It made sense, because the stone buildings all had underground basements that were all connected, some of which were used as a hospital ward and some of which were used as a communal living space for people who did not really have families nor a role in the community like a Farmer, Wanderer or Sweeper. Basically for people who were deemed unqualified to have their own houses.

It kind of sucked, but then again, some people actually preferred being there. The director of the basements and dorms, this lovely woman called Sarwendah, had told you once that even though it was not the majority, some people found comfort in living with other people openly since it made them forget the reality of everything as long as they were in that bubble.

The wooden buildings were either built after the gates were built- which, the gates were built after the army claimed the zone to themselves at the start of the outbreak, whose control over the area for something around 11 years, Johnny remembered those times in his childhood- or they were the ones already built for the winery’s workers and their families.

Johnny. That bit of knowledge came from Johnny too, as well as many others.

And when you are in the cemetery walking through the graves, looking for his name and spotting it without much time passing, you see a silhouette standing right at the foot of the grave.

Who, upon walking closer, turns out to be Mark.

Who, also upon walking closer, seems to be fully equipped with bags and his gun.

“Why so equipped?” You ask, and it startles him, but he does turn around and watch you as you walk over to him. “You’re going outside to join Jaehyun?”

He clears his throat. “No, he got back,” There is a split second of silence that feels a bit too long in your confusion for how long it actually is. Mark rolls his shoulders back and takes a deep breath, lets it out, creating a rather long-lasting vapor. “But yeah, I’m going outside.”

“Where?” You ask further, and he visibly winces. He avoids the question to play with the stones around Johnny’s grave with his foot, nibbling on the inside of his mouth before mumbling. “I should’ve told you before but I couldn’t.”

Your brows furrow as a string is pulled at your heart with the suspicion and the piecing of things together. “What were you going to say?”

One more exhale, but this time sharp and clear-cut. Controlled. He looks at you, looks in your eyes, and tells you the words you would have never imagined he would. “They’re releasing the trespassers and I’m leaving with them.”

Everything kind of slows down at that moment if that is even possible with the lack of action-filled things around you. Shock, was it? Or utter betrayal? “I’m sorry?”

Mark takes a step closer to you and fully turns his body to face you, towering above you not so much with his height but more so with his body language. “They’re working on a vaccine. They trust what they’ve got in their hands and they’re traveling around recruiting people to guard the headquarters. They’re afraid someone might-”

It was all too much.

“Mark, what the fuck are you talking about?” You snarl, and it shuts him up effectively. Yet, after that, you do not say anything. You wait for him to explain himself and after a couple of overwhelmed inhales, he takes the opportunity. “I’m going there to work as a guard. They’re afraid of the possibility of someone stealing the samples, or worse, attacking the lab. They need every volunteer they can get right now.”

Anger.

Pure anger is what you are feeling, and it is indescribable. It covers you from head to toe, right to left, inside and out; it feels hot and yet, icy cold. “Johnny’s blood hasn’t even dried yet, and you’re leaving with the very people who caused his death?”

Mark looks taken aback. “Be sensible. They couldn’t have known about the doors, they’re the first group from the headquarters to come here in years. It’s life or death out there, and they probably didn’t have the time for details.”

You take a step closer to him as if it is possible, and hit his shoulder lightly. “How about you be a little sensible? How can you trust them so easily? What if they’re saying these just to recruit all those people- and to travel all the way through there-”

“They have a car. Takes three days.” Mark cuts in, which makes you chuckle humorlessly. “Okay, great. What if they just recruit you to use you as a scapegoat for when they encounter bandits? Or, like I said, they just recruit you to have more guards? The vaccine has been a word since forever, Mark, and we know it. It’s a stupid hopeless rumor.”

“I’m telling you, they have scientists and they have evidence-” Mark starts, but you cut him off. “Yes! But their people also raid towns, and these people themselves are inconsiderate enough to screw up our whole system and kill our friends along the way-” You are basically trying to make sense to him with your whole body, pointing at the grave and getting closer to him and looking at his eyes to make him regain some of his sense. Just enough to keep him here, where he should be. “How can you trust them with your own life when they’ve been so inconsiderate of the others’ time and time again? You walk out of here with them and the next thing you know, you’re dead, Mark.” You point to your left, which is the direction of the big gates where the trespassers must be leaving, as they need to leave under the Leaders’ watch.

He is silent upon that. It takes him a few moments to come up with the words he is going to say, and his eyes flicker around under the confused sunlight signalling the coming of the early morning.

But he comes up with them nonetheless. “I owe it to people and to him,” He points at the grave. “To do whatever part I can to end this someday. And if I need to go to great extents and forgive them, so be it.”

And with a determined gaze in his eyes you had never seen from Mark before, he says what he really thinks. “I’d rather die running after something I believe in than live with the shame every day.”

You understand.

Not him, but that he is going.

That maybe, he is already gone.

“You leave,” You look at the grave and bite the inside of your cheek before looking back at Mark. “And I’ll come looking after you.” You whisper.

He looks away and bites down on his lip, placing his hands on either side of his hips. And then, he shrugs, not even trying to think it through. “That’d be up to you.”

And he starts walking towards the left, leaving you at the cemetery.

For the first time, you are alone.

[casey-v]

Waking up

Ethan x Casey

It’s just a fluffy one shot, set after the 30 diamond car scene of ch12.

Finally I have another fic ready. I’m really busy right now so it took some time. Thanks to the encouragement of @starrystarrytrouble , that helped me to pull this through.

And again: english is not my 1st language, so please try not to notice the mistakes.

Word count: 1.5k

Disclaimer: all characters owned by PB

******

When Casey woke up, it was already morning, but it was quite dark due to the heavy clouds that were still sending pouring rain over Boston. Today, Casey didn’t mind the unfriendly weather and she didn’t care about anything going on outside her happy little bubble. She closed her eyes again and enjoyed the comfort of the cozy bed and especially the warmth of the sleeping body flush against hers.

She noticed that this was the first night without nightmares since the fatal tragedy that had taken place at Edenbrook a few days ago. The first night without fear. She smiled to herself, thinking about the reasons for her peaceful rest. First, there wasn’t enough time for a nightmare to evolve as she barely slept. And second, she felt so safe and protected by the muscular arms that held her tightly wrapped that it was impossible for any bad thoughts to get through to her while sleeping. She didn’t fool herself though, there would be bad nights again for sure, but right now all she could focus on was him, his scent, the feel of his skin under her touch, his breathing, his heartbeat…

She moaned quietly against Ethan’s chest when she thought about what had happened. After a ravenous and passionate time in his car, she had quickly run upstairs to her place to grab a few things and then they continued at his apartment what they had begun in the backseat of his car. Casey still couldn’t quite believe that she finally was here again, in his bed, in his arms, after all those months of waiting and almost giving up. Sure, there had been signs recently that his resistance was breaking, with the kissing, the TV interview and all that he had told her during the night of isolation.

But only now was she willing to let her happiness win over all the doubt and insecurities that had been with her all the time. Finally, he was ready to commit, and in her mind, she was listening to his words over and over again.

I can’t deny what I feel any longer. I want you, Casey. I’ve always wanted you.

When she felt him moving next to her, she put a soft kiss on his lips. “Wake up, sleepyhead. Aren’t you supposed to be at work already?” Still half asleep he mumbled against her shoulder. “Mornin’! I’m not supposed to be there that early. I usually like to be there early to get some work done.”

Ethan opened his eyes a little and smiled at Casey. “But usually there’s nobody there to keep me up all night.” Smiling at him coyly she answered, “then you may have to change your daily routine, because I intend to keep you up a lot in the future.”

To her surprise, all he said was “I’m looking forward to it.” She stared at him wide eyed. Was this Ethan Freaking Ramsey talking to her, world renowned doctor and workaholic? “That’s it? No work ethics, no conditions, no regret? Have you secretly switched with a lazy twin of yours?”

At first, he laughed at her remark, but then he got serious. “The only regret I have is that we didn’t do this a long time ago.” When his brows furrowed and he was about to go on, she quickly put two fingers on his mouth. “Shhhh, don’t dwell on the past. We are here now. That’s the only thing that matters. And for what it’s worth, we already know each other so well, you are my best friend. Most relationships” - she made a pause after the word relationship and expected him to flinch, but as he only looked at her expectantly she continued – “start with getting to know your partner and figuring out how the other one ticks. We already had that, we know that we can rely on each other. I trust you with my life, Ethan. I wouldn’t want to miss the time we spent together over the last year, even though it was hard sometimes.”

—

Ethan looked at Casey amazed, his eyes getting wet. How did he even deserve her? He had a bad conscience about all that he had done - or rather not had done - to her over the past month. He had treated her so bad, pushing her away all the time, he was full of regrets. But here she was, only seeing the positive side of things. He put a strand of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?” He didn’t even wait for an answer but pulled her flush to him and kissed her tenderly.

They relished their time cuddling and kissing until he gradually began to get a little restless. Although his priorities had shifted slightly, he still took his duties very seriously. Yesterday the team had gotten a new patient and he wanted to check how Baz and June had done with the diagnosis. But he didn’t want to admit that to Casey now. So he just tried to combine the pleasant with the useful. He tilted his head up to lock eyes with her. “Shower?”

She sniffed at him and nodded mischievously. “Yeah, you definitely need one.” Without saying anything Ethan just turned away from her and crawled out of the bed. She loved to tease him all the time, and of course he actually liked it, but for once he wouldn’t let her get away with it. He walked around the bed and stopped next to her feet. Apparently, she was unsure if she had upset him somehow. When he saw her concerned face, he had difficulties not to laugh.

Then, without warning, he quickly grabbed her by her ankles and pulled her out of bed. She was so surprised, that she didn’t even protest. And when he lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder, she started laughing uncontrollably and didn’t stop until he put her in the shower and turned up the cold water. Gasping for air she screamed "Ethan Jonah, I will let you pay for this.”

Their childish play made him so lighthearted, he couldn’t remember the time he last felt like that. But soon afterwards reality sunk in again and the shadows of the recent attack came back. While Ethan was getting ready for work Casey insisted on accompanying him. When he refused to take her with him, her voice got louder. “It’s not up to you to decide. You’re neither my boss nor my doctor right now. Here at home you’re my…”

They both stared at each other akwardly. Calling his apartment home felt odd but good at the same time. Surprisingly, he liked the idea a lot that one day it truly could be her home, their home. While he still thought about that, she silently finished “ … you’re my Ethan.”

He gently cupped her cheeks with his hands and whispered. “All three of them are worried about you. Take your time. No need to rush things.”

“But I’m afraid to be alone all day. Please let me come. I don’t want to deal with patients today, but I can stay in the office and do research for the team, read some medical journals, spend the lunch break with my friends. Just anything to occupy my mind.”

As Doctor Ramsey he knew that she shouldn’t run away from her fears. But as Ethan, he would be relieved to have her near him, where he could check on her regularly. After all, she wasn’t the only one still struggling with the aftermath of the attack. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had to watch over her constantly.

So he finally gave in.

—

They drove in silence. Casey felt an unease that spread in her chest as they got closer to the hospital and her confidence crumbled.

After parking the car they walked together to the front door. Hesitantly she stared at the entrance. Today, the large building looked threatening. It was silly, because until two days ago she stayed there as a patient. But now she was about to re-enter it as a doctor again and that was different.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Ethan asked carefully. She shrugged. “Right now, I don’t know what’s worse. But I don’t want to back down.”

“Then come on, let’s go. You can do this.” He took her hand and squeezed it. Then he smiled at her shyly. “We can do this.”

Casey was still amazed at the change he had undergone the past week. Her eyes went down to their joined hands and then she sent him a questioning look. “What about ‘at the hospital we keep that line clear and bright’?”

“At the moment I don’t care. You need me, so I’m here for you.” His voice barely a whisper, he added “I’ll always be there for you.”

Smiling, Casey held on to his hand tightly and together they walked towards the revolving door.

--------------------------

Thank you for reading!

If you want to read more of my fics: You’ll find part 1 of my hiatus series here.

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Tag list:

@queencarb @utterlyinevitable @schnitzelbutterfingers @nerdydinosaursweets @eramsey28 @mrsdrakewalkerblog @starrystarrytrouble @maurine07 @princessfuzzy12 @kenzierookie @binny1985 @adrex04

[tsukkeisimp]

Truth or Dare

A / N: so hi this is the first thing i’m posting here and it is part of a much longer project i have been working on (and that i plan on posting on here? maybe?). i wanted to share this small portion of it just to see if anyone would actually be interested in reading what i write. if it flops, i never posted it lol.

since this is such a small random part of my project some things might not make sense. so i’m gonna put here some details i think are useful to understand the fic better.

mc (i’m trying to give her a name) is a first year, she goes to seijoh and plays volleyball. eri and mika are her best friends and they’re on her team. she’s childhood friends with tsukki. mika likes oikawa, oikawa likes mc, iwa likes oikawa, mika is iwa’s sister, mc and tsukki are hopelessly in love with each other oop what?. (this is chaotic i know). this is all placed during tokyo camp and yes some girl teams are there too. if you read all this rambling... thank you, i appreciate you a lot. also this is my first time using tumblr i have no idea what i’m doing and english isn’t my first language. okay bye.

Genre: friends to lovers!!! fluff? tsukki simping for mc.

Pairing: tsukishima x reader

“I am soooooo bored!”

Hinata faked an exaggerated yawn after saying that and then pouted, when no one acknowledged his little act. It was 10.30 pm and most of the usually energetic and loud volleyball players had already gone to their rooms to rest; some were tidying up the gyms, after a bit of satisfying but really tiring individual training. and a couple were just outside the gyms, sitting on the grass, yelling and laughing at Hinata.

“Bored. How can he be bored? Does he seriously have any energy left?”

Tsukishima had his earphones on. But no music was playing. The earphones’ typical function had been taken away, and instead they were given a brand new purpose: they were a shield. They protected him from his teammates annoying attacks. From their rambling about how pretty the girls looked that day, their over the top conversations about nationals and their non sense laughing at everything. He didn’t have to be involved in any of this, thanks to his shield.

He casually sat there, staring blankly at the sky, trying so hard to block out all the noise, all the giggles, all the meaningless and unnecessary discussions that were happening.

There was one person who wasn’t fooled by the earphones’ trick though.

“Yo Kei, move over. Let me sit here.”

MC just came out of the gym she had finished tidying up. She had been practicing with Mika until late. They were trying to perfect some of the attacks they were planning to put into action during the friendly matches the following day.

She plopped down next to Kei, their shoulders brushing slightly against one another and her leg resting against his. She took his left earphone out and put it on. There was something incredibly familiar and comforting about that simple act. Suddenly the earphones’ function changed again. They weren’t a shield anymore. He didn’t need one when MC was next to him. The earphones were now like a soft fuzzy blanket, under which him and MC were alone. They were alone together. No annoying teammates allowed. No rambling about stupid stuff. He finally started to feel at peace. All the irritating noise that was becoming unbearable to his ears slowly faded away. He couldn’t help but give all his attention to the girl sitting next him. The noise was officially gone. He could only focus on the warmth of MC’s hand resting on his knee. Her heartbeat, still a bit accelerated after the intense training. The butterflies that were now dancing around in his stomach. Kei didn’t know exactly why or how MC was able to make him feel this way. But he was used to it. It had always been this way. And he liked it.

MC drank the last drop of water that was left in her water bottle and then placed it carefully next to her. Her mind was going over and over Mika’s words of advice regarding the few struggles they had during their last match. Despite the late hour she just couldn’t stop worrying, panicking and stressing. About not being good enough. She was usually pretty confident about her skills, but sometimes her brain liked to give her a hard time.

She was in the middle of giving herself a motivational speech, when Tsukishima’s words interrupted her internal monologue.

‘Are you worrying about your shit timing during blocks again?’

Tsukki had never been one to sugar coat his thoughts or to say half truths. He had always said it as he saw it. And even though a lot of times in the past he had hurt MC’s feelings doing it this way, she had learned to appreciate his brutally honest words. She sighed and nodded slightly.

‘You’ve been improving like crazy though. I think you’re gonna get it right soon if you keep working hard for it. And you never stop working hard so…’

‘I’ll get it right soon.’

‘Yeah you will.’

‘And then I’ll be better than you at everything!’

‘Don’t get ahead of yourself now.’

MC giggled and rested her head on Tsukki’s shoulder. A sense of complete peace and calm spreading through her whole body. She was about to close her eyes to appreciate better this quiet momet with her best friend when…

‘HEY HEEEEY HEY!

Hinata’s right. I am boooored! Let’s do something. How about... we play truth or dare?!’

Bokuto screamed his proposal as if it was the best idea ever.

‘Truth or dare…? What are we? Middle schoolers?’ Mika giggled a little and then looked up from her phone. She was surprised to see most people seemed rather amused with the suggestion and not disgusted like her.

‘Don’t be like that Mika… it could be fun! And we could uncover some secrets!’ Eri laughed, excited. Yachi, who was sitting next to her, couldn’t help but laugh with her and nod, approving of the idea.

Sitting in a circle that night was a weird group of people. Karsuno 1st years and Nishinoya and Tanaka were there, mostly because they wanted to hang out with the Seijoh girls. Mika, MC and Eri were there, with the 3rd years looking over them. Oikawa and Iwaizumi had joined because Iwa debated that ‘It’s not like I’m gonna let my little sister just hang out with you all alone’. Bokuto was of course there, Akaashi sitting next to him praying he wouldn’t get himself into trouble. Then some of the Nekoma guys and girls.

‘I don’t think I’m gonna get involved.’ Tsukishima stated. Putting his earphones back on.

Kuroo immediatly grabbed him by his shirt and dragged him next to him.

‘C’mon Tsukki dude, don’t be boring! Play one round!’

The game had been going on for 20 minutes. It had been pretty standard. Most people were choosing truth and the questions were always about volleyball. Who do you honestly think is the best spiker in this circle? And who’s the best setter? Do you think that team really has a chance at nationals? Who’s the best at receiving? And so on. A couple of the guys had chosen dare. Run around the gym 2 times. Do a handstand. Challenge this other guy at arm werstling.

It was Oikawa’s turn.

‘Truth or dare?’ Iwaizumi asked.

‘Dare.’

‘Kiss the prettiest girl in here.’

Iwaizumi knew exactly what he was doing. All Oikawa had been talking about for the past month was this girl. He didn’t know if it was a serious crush, but he definitely saw something in her. She had all of his attention, but she didn’t seem to care too much about it. Which was pretty stupid, Iwaizumi thought. Because anyone would be lucky to have Oikawa’s attention and care.

Everyone went silent. There hadn’t been any kissing yet, so it was exciting someone finally asked a question like that. But also gross and childish some would argue.

MC had gotten a little bored with the game, she wasn’t really paying attention anymore.In fact she was too busy looking at her phone to even notice Oikawa was right in front of her.

‘Huh?’ she looked up, confused. Everyone was looking in their direction. ‘Is it my turn already?’

A couple of the boys giggled, the girls were just staring, too curious to know if Oikawa was really going to kiss a first year.

‘Oikawa has to kiss the prettiest girl here.’ Iwaizumi repeated, to give her a little warning of what was about to happen. But it was too late. Oikawa was already pressing his lips against hers, everyone watching in a mixture of shock and amusement.

Iwaizumi looked away. Mika, who had been sitting next to MC for the whole game, moved uncomfortably closer to Eri, but she just couldn’t take her eyes off from what was happening. Her best friend and the guy she had always had the biggest crush on were kissing.

Nishinoya, Tanaka and Shoyo opened their mouths in shock and they were about to scream at Oikawa to keep it short, to stop it already. Five seconds had already felt like five minutes. They were about to scream, but MC beat them to it.

After a couple of seconds of pure shock and panic, MC finally realised what was happening and pushed Oikawa off of her.

‘What… I … what?’

MC was usually the type of person who always had something to say, a story to tell, an opinion to share, a compliment to pay. She never kept her mouth shut. But in that moment she truly was at a loss of words.

Tsukishima hadn’t really been paying attention to the scene. Until now. He was alarmed by MC’s silence.

He didn’t really care Oikawa was kissing his best friend. He wasn’t shocked, he already knew he liked her. And he knew she didn’t like him back. He had observed the kiss from afar, without feeling any special way about it. When he saw MC pushing Oikawa off of her, he was expecting to hear her laugh and say something sarcastic. Or to see her roll her eyes and scream at him that the kiss was disgusting.That didn’t happen though. It was only silence. From that lack of words and the absence of her usual laughter and sarcasm, Tsukishima understood something wasn’t right. He didn’t know what, but the expression on her face said it all to him. She was upset.

The game didn’t last long after that kiss. The tension became unbearable pretty quickly. It was unclear to everyone what the cause of this tension was. MC was awfully quiet. Mika had switched places with Eri, as if she didn’t want to sit next to her best friend anymore. Iwaizumi refused to high five Oikawa after the kiss and Nishinoya claimed he would’ve punched Oikawa first chance he got.

A couple minutes later they all agreed it was time to go to bed.

 ‘Kei...’

As they were all walking to their rooms, MC tugged Tsukishima by his shirt and whispered to him.

‘Mh?’ He tried not to look concerned, as if he hadn’t already noticed something was bothering her.

‘Can you talk for a minute?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

They waited for everyone else to go into the bedrooms and then they walked outside again. Tsukki leaned on the wall, looking at the girl that had been his best friend for years behaving in a way he couldn’t quite read. He was going over what had happened in his head, analysing every little expression he catched on her face, every single sound. But he still didn’t understand.

‘Is something wrong? Did Oikawa bit your tongue or something?’ He chuckled.

What was an attempt to make MC laugh, made her blush violently instead. She was freaking out. That kiss came out of nowhere and disiorented her. She was not ready.

‘That was my first kiss.’ she spat out, sighing immediatly after and biting her lip nervously.

Tsukishima still didn’t really see the problem.

‘I know.’ he just said quietly.

‘I can’t believe that was my first kiss. I can’t believe I had my first kiss with Oikawa. I didn’t want it to be with him.’ MC’s leg was was bouncing up and down. It was something she always did when she was worried or concerned or stressed about something. It drove Tsukki insane.

‘Why did you let him kiss you then?’

‘’I- I… I didn’t let him! It all happened so fast. As soon as I looked up from my phone his lips were… there. God, this is a disaster. I can’t believe it just happened. Uuuugh.’ She let out a loud exasperated breath and covered her face with her hands. Her leg still going crazy.

‘… Whatever MC. It’s just a first kiss. Not that big of a deal.You’ll get other kisses. Plus it was barely a peck.’

‘I wanted my first kiss to be with someone I liked...or at least tolerated. But not fucking Oikawa.’

‘Just pretend it never happened. Pretend it doesn’t count.’

‘But I can’t stop thinking about it! Ah God…’

Tsukishima was quiet for a moment. He was really trying to think of a way to make his best friend stop panicking so much. He was tired and wanted to sleep and she looked sleepy too. He needed to find a solution and he needed to find it quickly.

‘Okay. I’m gonna give you a kiss right now. You can pretend this one is your first kiss and not Oikawa’s. You said you wanted it to be from someone you tolerate right? Unless you wanna go wake up one of the other guys… I can do it.’

MC’s leg didn’t stop bouncing, She thought about it for a moment and then nodded.

‘Mh… okay.’

Tsukishima didn’t think twice about it. He walked towards the girl, who was leaning against the wall, took her face in his hands and placed a short and sweet kiss on her lips. He felt her whole body relax under his touch and her leg finally stopped moving. Her back relaxed against the freezing cold wall of the building, but Tsukishima’s kiss was making her feel nothing but burning.

Tsukki had planned to break off the kiss after just a couple seconds, but his head was spinning so fast and the butterflies in his stomach were dancing so violently he just couldn’t stop himself. He wanted more. He wanted to stay that close to her just a little longer. He wanted to feel the soft skin of her cheeks against his hands just a little longer. He wanted to be intoxicated with her perfume just a little longer. He wanted to hold her and protect her just a little longer.

But just as he was wishing, praying, imploring for a little longer, MC decided that was actually enough for her. She didn’t need a little longer.

As the kiss ended, they both blushed violently and looked away from each other.

‘Night Kei… thank you.’ MC was grateful for her best friend. He had actually managed to make her stop thinking about Oikawa’s kiss. Kei’s kiss… actually made her heart feel something. Her brain was now only focusing on Kei’s hands on her face, Kei’s lips on hers, Kei’s flustered expression as they parted. She didn’t know why her heart felt like it was about to burst. She assumed it was because he was so so so special to her.

Kei’s heart also felt like it was about to burst. He knew exactly why though. He didn’t have to assume. He had just realised, as raging disappointment took over his body when MC ended the kiss before he was ready for it to end. He was in love with her. He was deeply in love with her. And he probably had been for a while. As quickly as he understood this though, another sudden realisation got clear into his head. She hadn’t been praying for a little longer like he did. He was certain she didn’t love him the way he loved her.