#but it'd be cool . sniff.

[on-leatheredwings]

me: man i barely write

me: [has so many wips i dont even know what to do with them]

so many scraps under the cut

you being yandere over dick (it was tim at first then i switched now i may make it jason i cannot lie, god bless)

(fem) you getting beat up and everyone is so worried yandere-ly <3

maybe co-conspirator prequel??

damian rescuing reader scrap of a request i never finished womp womp

baby trapping bruce request i also dropped but could go back to

[prettyboykatsuki]

chewtoy | s. gojo

✮ tags ; dead dove: do not eat, noncon, humiliation, abuse of power / power imbalance, master / servant relationship, titles like master satoru, he's being Really Fucking Weird (sniffs u a bunch...rip), oral(f!receiving) 18+

✮ wc ; 2k (????)

✮ a/n ; horrible horrible man. can he leave me alone. extension of this

"The young Master is calling for you."

You try not to flinch. Aiko gives you a warm, summery smile and a soft nudge to your side. You can only assume this means you've succeeded and she doesn't sense your disgust.

"He's so fond of you," She ends her sentence with a wispy sigh. "Must be nice to have a rich, powerful man fawn over you a bit, right?"

You remain indifferent. She smiles again. You think she is infinitely more beautiful than you. Soft, bouncy hair and smooth skin. Her naive nature makes her shine brighter than one thousand suns. It'd be nice if the young Master showed interest in someone like her.

You put the dream to rest quickly.

"You shouldn't keep him waiting," She hums. It's so innocent. "Go on, don't let me keep you."

You don't tell her you wish she would keep you. She is also right that you should not keep him waiting. If he's summoned you to his chambers deliberately, that means he is already feeling impatient. Master Satoru never seeks you out unless he is in some kind of mood.

He's had this habit since childhood. You've never made him aware of it, and you don't plan too. One of the few things you help you know what to expect from him.

You nod her along, tell her to finish up work in the living quarters to which she agrees merrily. Her spirits are lifted by the prospect of the young Master showing you fondness. Some part of you wishes you could share in her joy.

A pit of dread makes your steps heavy, but your footfall is light and beautiful. You are poised and cool as you walk along the dark, dreary hallways that lead to the Master's office.

A door swallowed in shadow, a single light shining on the golden plaque with the young Master's full name. You knock twice, announcing yourself.

"You're here," He says. You try not to flinch. You're certain you do not succeed. You are thankful he cannot see you - or you hope he can't. "Come in,"

You open the door and step inside to his office - shutting the door behind you. Muscle memory guides you to your curtsy. You bow politely.

"Yes, Master?"

"So stuffy," His voice makes your chest feel tight with discomfort. Frustration ebbs underneath it, cuts like a jagged edged knife. "At least call me, Satoru. Our relationship is much better than that, I thought."

"I could never be so informal to the young Master," You say, and then concede. "But I will call you Master Satoru, if you wish."

"How obstinate," He drawls. You do not life your head to see the face he makes. You already know what it looks like. It's burned into your mind. "But I suppose I'll make do. Lift your head."

You lift your head, but do not look at his face.

"Come closer,"

You step towards him, your lungs pushing air out of you manually. Remembering to breathe evenly is a herculean task. He beckons you closer until you're within distance of his touch.

He glances at you. "Look at me."

You try not to hesitate and force your eyes forward. His eyes undress you. Pointed gaze falls along your features, outlines your every inch, and analyzes your face. You remain even. He hums.

His frivolity is missing. This is suddenly more frightening. His mood is worse than you thought.

"Lift your skirt,"

Your muscles tense as you try not to shake. You succeed. He lets out a soft breath before he drops down onto his knees. You do not let yourself make any sort of expression, averting your gaze. He stares long and hard at your clothed pussy.

You tremble. He assess you silently, eyes flitting up.

"Sit in my chair with your skirt over your waist. So I can see you properly and all."

You listen to his instructions mindlessly. The velvet of his chair and warmth of his remaining body heat touch your bare ass and thighs. Satoru turns to you, still on knees. His hand wraps around your ankles and slips your shoes off of you.

You close your eyes. Sudden intimacy makes you slink back.

"Look at me."

It is is a command. You let your gaze fall on him again and watch on in excruciating nausea. Your stomach twists violently at the fragility of it all. Slender fingers hook into your knee socks and pull them down along your calve until they're off. His gaze catches yours. He does not smile at you. His hand comes around your ankle again and lifts your leg closer to his face. His nose presses against the bend of your foot.

He inhales. You try not to react but you can feel your eyes go wide. Feel your muscles clench, your heart sinking. Iron fills your mouth.

He lets his nose nudge up against the top of your calf.

"Young Master,"

He stares at you. Irritation flits through his gaze. There's no getting out of this, no mercy. You slink back again. He does smile that time.

Your body prickles with unwanted heat at the sensation. He licks along your legs, biting the supple skin - huffing the scent of your sweat every time he goes along. His teeth sink perversely into your flesh, sucking until there's throbbing, marks against your calves. The color of an orchid, purple and red. Fear strikes in you like a match. His grip on your ankles moves to the back of your calves and squeezes tight. He repeats the process on both calves intently.

There's claim to this. You know this part of him. He is claiming you with vicious confidence. Something with deeper magnitude then lust. For you, he is desire and ownership and want incarnat. A testament of his own beliefs. You willfully do no make noise aside from a gasp or breath.

You don't know how long it takes until he's satisfied with the state both legs.

He moves up. Bites the soft flesh of your thigh. You nearly spit out another useless plea. Shamelessness makes up his every move. His tongue slides over every single inch of your bare skin until his noses brushes along your cunt.

He doesn't lick you there. Not right away. Again he sniffs, breathes you in deep and uncomfortable. It's violating in all senses of the word, his grip tightening on your thighs as he huffs your scent. You haven't bathed. You've practically been running around since morning, but he doesn't let up and breathes you in anyway.

You squirm at that point. Your face contorts so slightly and he's watching you for it. His face finally cracks a smile and abject dread makes your spine lock up.

"Mm," He emphasizes the sound. It's so loud in such a quiet room. "That's it."

You don't have the strength to say anything.

It's frighteningly abrupt and rough, the feeling of his mouth along your pussy. He sucks at your clit from outside the fabric and you gasp - suddenly helpless. It's not the first time, of course not. But it's never this... random. Never this rough.

Your back arches at the sudden motion, face breaking - and Satoru grips you tighter and forces you back into the chair. Forces his tongue against your clit and sucks hard through the cotton material. Your body betrays you in its reaction - nipples pebbling underneath your clothes. Nearly screaming from the sensitivity. Your lower body is all ache - hickeys and bruises and bite marks making you throb perpetually. Too much, too much, too much.

Shame floods your system as the first spike of arousal forces itself from you - your cunt floods, gushing with a sudden spike of want from rough treatment. The sound of him sucking you so hard and drenching it with his saliva echoes across the room. You're sure it's traveling into the hall.

"Master Satoru," Your voice is even but it cracks on his name. Tears form at the corners of your eyes - fear and shame mixing into desperation. "Satoru,"

He hums into your pussy and you shake. "What is it? What wish would you like your master to fulfill for you.

"Please," Your voice is hoarse. Bone-deep exhaustion is out done by adrenaline. "Not through the fabric, please. It's dirty."

He sucks again and you keen - nails digging into your palms as you throw your head back.

"Your Masters spit soaking your panties is dirty? How rude." He teases. The whimper leaves your mouth without permission. You wish this would end soon but even amidst your fog you know that is not more than a pipe dream.

He takes them off. Rolls them down your thighs all wet and drops them. You let out a sigh of relief before his nose bridges touches your clit again. Swallowing the sound, you look away.

"It's soaked," He says conversationally, "Your needy little cunt is making a mess of your Master's chair. Tsk, tsk - so shameful."

"I'm sorry," You croak, unsure of what else to say. "I'll clean it."

He laughs, seemingly alleviated from his prior upset at the state of your humiliation.

"I'm sure you'll do an excellent job," He rests his hand over the mound of your sex - using pointer and thumb to spread your lips apart and get view of your swollen little clit. He breathes on it. "But you're still begging me for my attention down here. Filthy pussy for such a meticulous maid. Do you know how wet you are? Did you miss me so much?"

You don't answer him. He goes on.

"I thought of you all week," His voice is soft. Tinged with affection, or something like it. "Ahh, dealing with higher ups is such a pain."

You stare at him. He looks back at you with a smile. You flinch. You flinch certainly. "But I can always take it out on you, can't I? This perfect, filthy, needy cunt. It'll only every belong to me and I get to use it to my hearts content. I thought of that suddenly then called you."

It's not just your cunt he's interested in. That'd be relieving if that were the case. If he only ever used you to vent his sexual frustrations, treat you like a personal cocksleeve. You think it might be better that way.

He's too fond of you for that.

The young Master treats you like a chew toy instead. He bites, licks, slobbers, and misuses you. He might hump you to chase his high from time to time, might throw you around for rough sex should the mood suit him. But he's not a clueless oaf, some classless barbarian who only feels pleasure from his cock.

His violation is something else. It's deeper in scent, richer in taste. It is born from his greatness.

He's smart enough to know exploitation and that's what gets him off most. He exploits you. Exploits your reactive body, exploits your stoicism, exploits your dedication to your duty. You're his chew toy because you are designed to be unbreakable. You are indestructible.

But you have the perfect amount of give. You flinch, sigh, and whimper enough to make your Master thrilled. You squeak and moan like you're heat addled when he plays with you enough.

To Satoru, you're the most perfect thing to ever grace his life. His favorite toy that he's bitten at since he was just a boy and grew so fond of.

No matter how much you end up in tatters, Satoru can't help but love you with all of his heart.

You get exhausted being thrown around. But you can't go anywhere, either. He's so watchful of you. He might go crazy and bite if you were to disappear.

"Cum for me," He says, sucking on your clit much more softly. He's gentle but exact. Knows the ins and outs of your body enough to send you racing towards the edge with an unimaginable speed. You gasp and shudder, holding onto his chair for your life as an orgasm shoots through like lightning through a telephone wire.

You cum. You cum hard, bruised and mind-broken and nauseous and you cum so hard something spurts out of you and makes the chair wet. The young Master is nonplussed of course, and laps it up like a dog drinking water.

"Ahh, much better." He's pleased as he stands up and then bends down to your height. His hand cradles the back of your neck with a pleasant sigh as he forces a cum-soaked kiss onto your mouth. "Just as I thought, you were just what I needed."

Utterly defeated, you pull away with a gasp. "...I'm happy to serve you, Master Satoru."

"Such a nice sentence from your mouth, true or not." He gives you one more kiss, to the crown of your head. Too tender, too raw. "Prepare yourself to service me a bit more, then."

[nanamisdickrider]

What are best friends for?

Characters: Bestfriend!nanami x reader

“You should calm down. He wasn't the one for you, I told you to leave him plenty of times.” nanami stroked your hair and wiped away your tears while you complained about your shitty boyfriend who was once again out with a woman. Your head was on his lap and your hands wrapped around his waist. You were feeling him squirm at times but you were too busy complaining and crying to pay any attention to his movements.

“he told me he will change for me nanami, he got me flowers every week after that!” Nanami sighed as you tried to defend him “I give you flowers almost every day.” you sniff and look up at him and then the flowers placed on your bedside table. Nanami did give you flowers almost everyday. You sometimes wished Nanami was the one with you instead of your shit boyfriend but who's gonna tell him that.

“I don't know nanami...I'm just so stressed out because of him..” you pulled away from kento's lap and sat up. “I understand. It must be hard for you, but you need to know.. you can find someone way better than him.. just trust me and leave him.” Nanami took off his glasses and put it away, throwing his head back on the pillow.

“trust you and leave him? What's gonna happen after that kento? Who's the ��someone way better’?” you look at him with a pout, Kento opened his eyes and looked back at you. He turned to your side and sat up, his back on the headboard. “How are you so oblivious?” he asks and crosses his arms around his chest. “..what do you mean?”

“If I were to kiss you right now, will you stop me?”

Your eyes widened and your cheeks flushed. “Haha— W-what do you mean kento?” you laughed it off nervously but your mouth closed after seeing the look on nanami's face. He was dead serious. “No..I won't stop you..” you look away for a while. Opening your mouth to say something to break the silence but before you could even speak. Nanami's hand gripped your jaw gently and turned your face to look at him. His lips smashed onto yours.

Nanami leaned forward and pushed your body back on the clean sheets. His lips never leaving yours. He licked your lips and you instinctively opened your mouth, letting his tongue get inside and explore every inch of you. He pulled away to catch his breath. “Its me. I'm someone who's way better than your fucking boyfriend.” you smiled at him and got up and now it was his turn to lay flat on the sheets. You sat on his lap and kissed his lips and neck. His face covered with your light pink lipstick all the way to his chest. You started unbuttoning his shirt and then the belt tightly wrapped around his waist. Nanami gripped on your wrist to stop you midway. “Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable. And do know, after this you're leaving him. You're not gonna be his. But mine.”

You giggled and gave a kiss to his lips. “Im more than sure Nanami.” you pulled down his pants and threw it to the corner of your room. Eyeing the bulge inside his boxers, his veins still visible through the fabric. You palmed him and leaned down to lick the head through the boxers. “Mmh..D–dont tease me right now..” kento groans as you pull down his boxers and free his cock. The tip looked so messy covered in his pre-cum. You sat between his legs and wrapped your hand around his base and stroked it up and down. Your tongue swirling around his tip. Swallowing all of his precum— Nanami on the other side, was losing it all. Your mouth felt so good when it closed around the head of his cock or when you dragged your tongue from the base to his tip or tip to his balls. His cock was wet. He thought he'd cum when you looked into his eyes while going down on him. “Sto—Stop...” you pulled away and looked at his fucked out state. He never lost his cool so easily, he was around gojo and yuuji all day everyday anyways. But when it came to you. It'd make him as fragile as glass. One move from you and he's breaking.

“I don't want to cum like this.” he said and pulled you closer to him. Your clothed cunt on top of his cock. He kissed you, his hips bucking up in between your folds through the panties. You took off your skirt and pushed your panties to the side. His cock pressed flat against your folds. You were so wet. So so wet. He used your juices as lube. His hands went to your hips and his fingers dug in the fat there. his tip hitting on your entrance. He slowly pushed in. Your eyes widened at the painful stretch. His eyes rolled back when you clenched around his shaft. His hips stuttering beneath you. You slowly sunk on him. Sitting on his lap for a minute or two to adjust to his size. “Kiss me.” Nanami said, you cupped his face and kissed him for the millionth time. His hips slowly thrusting inside you. You moan in his mouth as his fingers found its way to your clit. He rubbed circles around your nub and he knew you were close with the way you couldn't stop clenching around him. His pace was getting faster, his tip hitting all of your hidden spots. The spots your boyfriend never hit, or even found. His arms caressing your back and breasts. Something your boyfriend never did. He only knew shit about his own pleasure. You felt tears forming in your eyes as you realized how badly you were treated. Nanami noticed and slowed down his pace. Kissing your cheeks and tears away. He smiled and rubbed his nose against yours “It's okay baby, I'm here now.” he says and a moan leaves his mouth when you start riding him. Your hips moving in a circular motion before bouncing on his cock. You were so close, nanami was closer. He wrapped his arms around your body before shooting warm ropes of his semen inside you. You don't stop your movements, only momentarily when you felt him filling you up to the brim. Chasing after your own high and overstimulating nanami in that process. He groans and thrusts his hips upwards one more last time before you're squirming on top of him and milking his cock. You fell on top of his chest and gasped for air. Nanami smiled at you and patted your head.

“Take it easy honey. Get used to this from now on too”

[fartcushion]

The Fart Room

When your gym crush invited you to a party he was throwing that evening you were ecstatic. You weren't even able toplay it cool, instead eagerly accepting.

He smiled at your enthusiasm and told you to be there for 19:00, and gave you his address.

Not only were you going to get to spend time with the guy you would secretly check out, but he said it was going to be attended by other guys from the gym so you figured it'd be a good chance to befriend them. Maybe get some tips on how they got in such greatshape.

*

You rocked up on time, you thought of being fashionably late after seeming too eager earlier. Butdidn't want to risk looking rude,

He opened the door with a smile when he saw itwas you

"Great you're here, come on in"

You entered his home, trying to make friendlyconversation as you kicked off your shoes. Listeningout you couldn't hear any music or any chatter.

"Am I the first to arrive?" It'd be a bit awkward, but at least you could meet each person as they came.

"Yeh, needed to get you in position before myguests arrived".

You paused, confused. "I'm sorry, what do you mean get me in position...and you mean 'other'guests?""

"What? No, mate. This is for my mates at the gym, you know, real builders. Not little guys like you. I mean other than you perving on me we have like no interaction. I invited you here to do us a service."

The amount of revelation stunned you. The admission he knew you oggled him, on top of the insults.

"What service?"

"Here let me show you".

He opened the door to a cupboard under the stairs,and gestured for you to take a look. Leaning in you could see that inside was a large cut out space. Big enough to stand on the end nearest the door, and on the other end, space to sit/kneel. What was more concerning was on the low end there was what looked to be a collar chained to the wall.

It was at this moment you were very aware of the muscular man stood behind you. Blocking your exit.A man you knew nothing about and willingly had entered his home.

"See we get together a lot and we learned early that when you get a lot of gym bros together there's a rather unpleasant smely issue. You know what it's like with all that protein. Wrecks havock on our guts and the farts are toxic. You can only hold them in for so long before it becomes uncomfortable. So for everyone to be able to party in comfort, but not stink out the place, we came up with a solution. The Fart Room".

Using his imposing size he started to push you into the cupboard.

We get some eager little guy from the gym, invite them round and put them in here. As the night goes on people need to use this room more and more.Y'know, the build up of protein shakes, broccoli and chicken diets and the beers at the party. They come in, let rip, and that nights recruit sniffs it all up".

By now you're fully in the room, being slowly pushed further back. You had to start crouching to avoid the ceiling.

"That's sick! Just go outside".

He rolled his eyes, annoyed at you wasting time. It's cold outside, can't keep opening doors to fart, everyone would freeze. Come the summer, we're all out there and don't want the wind blowing our wind back at us. This solution works all year round"

"Then just fart in here without a victim!" At this point your head smacked into the ceiling, the pain forcing you to drop down to your knees, where he loomed over you.

"Sorry, can't. The smell builds up and by the end we stink when we leave having marinated in it, and the gas escapes when you open the door. That's where you come in. You'll breathe it all up. It's better if you take it right from the source, to avoid it lingering. Best you do a good job from the start as well; as we get more drunk, we get a bit more aggressive with making sure we don't smell it; and will force your face in our cracks. He leaned down, reaching past you and picked up the collar.

"Sometimes people arent willing or try to escape. That's where this comes in". He held the collar to your face. "Will you need it? Or are you one of those fags that get off on this?"

"Please, l just want to go home".

"I don't care. Look, alone I can overpower you and chain you up. If you make me do that, l'l tell each guy to not go easy on you, and they 'll be rough. We're talking aggressively roided up blokes only too happy to let off some steam. Once the lock goes on you'll be at their mercy. So I would suggest you choose this". With that he unbuckled the collar and without protest put it tight around your neck.

"That's a good little fart filter. Now let's practice before the party starts".

He stands up, turns around, and lowers his shorts revealing his large muscular cheeks. Immediately you're hit with a sour pungent smell. Clearly if he did shower after the gym that day, he skipped cleaning his ass. Gently pivoting his hips his ass jutted out, inches from your face. Inviting you to come closer. You leaned in and as you felt his warm skin you were hit by the first fart.

BBBBBMMMMFFFF

It was quick, but loud and deep. The smell was as bad as he'd warned. You could smell the veggies he'd been eating. The surprise and stink made you instinctively pull away. Causing you to hit your head again in the tight space you were crouched in.

"Best get used to it, or if you keep flinching like that you'll leave here with brain damage. Though then again, maybe wouldn't be a bad thing, hit your head enough maybe you'll get amnesia and this can become a permanent set up. Would faggy like that?" He laughed as he wriggled his ass in front of you.

You didn't answer, so to fill the silence he let out a long rip.

BBBBBBBRRRRRRPPPPPPP

"Sniff that up, quickly, I'm get a hint of it up here"

To avoid any repercussions you leant back forward and sniffed the air vigorously. Reaching as far as the tight chain would allow you to reach, the collar strangling you for the effort.

"That's better, I think you get your job. Oh, and you may have wondered about the towel hanging here.  Well, sometimes the farts get a bit. ..wet. We try not to judge each other, these supplements can do sll sorts to your body. So if a guy sharts a bit, just wait until he's finished and when he's gone wipe your face ready for the next visitor"

As if knowing you were about to try one more time to object and plead to be released, he let out a final fart into your open mouth. As you coughed and spluttered, trying not to focus on the taste on your tongue, there was a knock at the door.

"Oh, here we go! See you later Sniffer!"

And he left, closing the door.

[smusherina]

yard work - chapter 13 (regina george x reader)

fandom: Mean Girls (all media)

pairing: Regina George x OFC/Reader

summary: You'd been in the same class as Regina George since kindergarten. You'd lived on the same street even longer. Once upon a time, when life was sandbox disputes and who got the swing first arguments, you'd even been friends. Now, in junior year of high school, you doubted she even remembered you. The same couldn't be said about you. You definitely remembered her.

warning(s): derogatory slurs! several of them!

chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / chapter 8 / chapter 9 / chapter 10 / chapter 11 / chapter 12 / chapter 14

It was Friday. The last day of school, the night of the talent show, and just a few days before Christmas. They'd be passing out the candy cane-grams. There'd be some assembly, probably.

Your leg jittered restlessly while you tried to focus on your bio paper. What kind of sadistic fuck assigned an essay on the last day before break? The biology teacher, apparently. He had a superiority complex, you were sure. Allergic to happiness.

Your mind kept drifting back to the photo album. Surely, Regina had it. You'd put it in her locker on Wednesday, so she'd have found it first thing Thursday morning. You hadn't dared to take a peek in her locker, afraid Gretchen would sniff you out again.

Something had clearly gone down between them. Gretchen didn't sit with them at lunch, instead opting for her boyfriend's clique. She didn't seem to fit in too well and Jason didn't seem too pleased to have her there. Karen and Regina sat by themselves, conversing casually.

Cady had been banished somewhere. You'd heard talk Aaron had dumped her. You knew Janis and Damien weren't talking to her after she turned her back on them. Since the whole Kälteen bar shebang and the subsequent smear campaign Regina had doled out, she hadn't been exactly welcome at any table. From what you understood, Gretchen and Cady were on speaking terms, but Karen and Gretchen weren't, but Cady and Karen were. It was all terribly confusing.

You had a table for yourself. Some of your old friends crowded the ones nearby, quite pointedly not sitting with you. You were no longer cool, it seemed. Easier to focus on your paper, you told yourself. The cafeteria was serving chilli today. The slop was slightly too watery and the meat was a mystery, but it'd do. You'd run out of food at home. You'd wanted a goddamn Christmas dinner and a good slab of ham got pricy. Couldn't rely on Mrs George for a feast this time around.

"Hey," Someone called near you. You looked up, surprised somebody was talking to you. A boy, more specifically a jock judging by the varsity jacket. "You good?"

"What?" Your brows furrowed. "Yeah?"

He smiled smarmily. "Cool."

And he walked away. You kept looking as he went, staring after his back. His buddies were looking your way, the same kinds of grins on their faces. That was odd. Didn't bode well.

It didn't take long for you to find out why. The period following lunch was when Damien would be visiting classrooms as Santa Claus, handing out candy canes.

He walked right up to you with a grin hidden under the fake Santa beard, wiggling his eyebrows all the while.

"The whole bag..." He drawled. "Impressive."

Confused, you peered into the sack. A couple dozen candy canes filled it, apparently all for you. You picked one out, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach as well as the snickering of the boys in the back rows.

Dyke. The message was just one word. It was clearly assigned to you, your whole name displayed proudly. Your body went numb, hands holding the candy limply. There was no signature to show who they were from. People were staring at you. Damien had lingered awhile to see what'd been written to you. The grin behind his beard had turned into a shocked scowl.

"What... What do they say?" Cady, of all people, the nerve of her, asked. She was seated a few rows from you.

"Alright, Mr Leigh, thanks for-" Ms Norbury tried to intervene.

"Dyke." You read out loud. Then you pulled out another. "Lesbo." And another. "Carpet muncher." The boys had trouble holding in their laughs. Another. "Queer." There were others you didn't deign to read out loud. Freak. Pervert. Degenerate. Homo.

If not for a few people finding all this amusing, it would've been dead silent in the classroom.

"These were supposed to be checked before handing out." Ms Norbury strode up to you and promptly confiscated the candies. Her face was set, expression severe, as she regarded Damien sternly.

"I- that wasn't my job. I don't know how, how they would've..." You watched Damien try to put it together.

"Well, is it really offensive if it's true?" Dylan, if you remembered correctly, piped up. He was a sporty guy, decently popular but nothing special. Now, though, he might as well have been an A-lister with how utterly low you'd plummeted.

Murmurs spread out around you. Damien and Ms Norbury retreated to a corner of the classroom to figure out how in the hell this had happened. People were looking at you. Your skin was crawling. It couldn't be Janis who told. She was in the same boat as you and she didn't have the power to do something like this. To make the committee ignore hateful messages meant some strings had been pulled. The only other person that knew, that could realistically do this, was Regina.

You bit your lip, closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Okay. You got the message. The album had been too much. This was a sign to stay away, to forget all the sentimentalities you'd had.

"Hey, calm down now, we'll figure this out- hey!" You didn't pause to listen to Ms Norbury when you booked it out of the stifling classroom. You couldn't bear to be there any longer.

You hid in the bathroom. Both hands held against your mouth so you wouldn't make a noise, you cried long and hard. Your breathing was choppy and laboured, and in no time at all your nose was blocked off entirely. Your eyes stung and your vision blurred.

The bell rang and pretty soon people came into the bathroom. You refused to get out, pretending to take the longest shit ever. It didn't take very long for the people coming in to discuss what had gone down in one of the junior calc classes.

It spread like wildfire. You were pretty sure the boys had nicked some of the candy canes from Ms Norbury since you could hear people reading the notes out loud, the rustling of the plastic covering.

"Who even is that?"

"Who cares? A total freak is what she is. Oh my gosh, Steph, do you think..."

"What?"

"Do you think she used the girls' bathroom? She's probably spread her diseases all over the seats! We're all gonna have gonorrhoea!"

You wanted to sink into the ground and never see daylight again. By the time the bell rang again, signalling the start of the next period, the rumours had inflated and grown disproportionately in severity.

Apparently, you were riddled with sexually transmitted diseases, preyed on freshmen and sold them hard drugs, behaved creepily in locker rooms, and had had a stint with Cady Heron while she was still with Aaron Samuels. You guessed that last one had to do with the time you'd dragged her into the janitor's closet to yell at her about the Kälteen bars.

In short, you were fucked. Your life was fucked. You'd hoped, so hoped, that even if you wouldn't get everything you wanted, you'd get some. You wouldn't get a high school girlfriend, wouldn't have slumber parties, wouldn't be normal. You wouldn't be Regina's friend. Fine. At least you could've had a quiet life, gone to community college and worked at the shop, had some buddies, and maybe lost your virginity one day. Not even that now. Not even a little bit of that. Your future in this town was just no longer there. You had nothing. You were nothing.

You skulked out of the bathroom once you were sure there'd be nobody in the halls. You got into your car and drove home. Just as you'd slumped down onto the couch, the house phone rang. Groaning, you went to answer. If it was your dad, missing it would mean there'd be hell to pay.

"Hello?" Your voice was croaky. It hurt to talk.

"Hi, sweetie! You don't sound too good." Mrs George's chirp greeted you. "I assume you had to leave school 'cause of that. I just happened to see you drive by. Rick got called to work last minute and Kylie's got tutoring till late. Come keep me company?"

"I'm not feeling too well, I'm sorry..." You said, holding the phone to your ear while your other arm wrapped around your body. You tried to breathe deep and not burst out crying, again. Your eyes felt swollen shut.

"Oh, I'll come by with some soup, then," She sounded so genuinely concerned.

You bit your lip. Tummy rumbling in its emptiness, you decided now would be as good of a time as any to bite the bullet.

"Actually, uh, if it's not too much to ask, and um- I-" You took in a shuddering breath. "You don't have to say yes, it's totally okay and I'm sorry if this is, like, too much-"

"Sweetpea, just ask." She chuckled.

"I don't have any food. Or, like, I have ingredients for Christmas 'cause I wanted to make dinner for myself, but I guess I forgot I have to eat before then too?" You tried to laugh, but the sound was strained. "Um, could you take me to the soup kitchen downtown?"

You could've driven yourself. You could've, in that you were capable of driving yourself, but with how your vision was impaired, how your body ached with loneliness, and how you weren't sure you wouldn't just impulsively drive into oncoming traffic, you doubted you would've survived the trip.

"No." She said bluntly. You flinched, feeling the refusal like a knife to the gut. "No, absolutely not. We are going grocery shopping and getting you food to last the rest of the damn year. I'm picking you up."

"Mrs George, I don't have money-"

"You shouldn't be spending your hard-earned money like that. Doesn't your dad send you enough to cover utilities?"

"He sends me grocery money. I gotta pay for gas and stuff on my own."

Mrs George's resounding silence spoke volumes of her opinion on that. "I'm coming to get you. I'm buying you groceries and then we're gonna meal prep. Okay?"

"Okay."

When Mrs George saw you, her determined attitude shifted to that of maternal worry. You fought hard not to break down, though all you really wanted to do was curl into her and cry your little heart out.

She drove you to Whole Foods, a place way out of your budget. But she insisted, so there was little you could do. She took you from aisle to aisle, prattling on and on, chatting about this and that. You listened mostly silently, humming here and there.

She picked out a lot of canned stuff, like beans and tomato purée. All that stuff was made to last forever, so you wouldn't always have to buy fresh ingredients. She bought all your favourite snacks, which she somehow remembered. When you commented on that, she just pointed at her temple with a knowing grin. Mothers never forget, she'd said.

Once you were all done, the cart was quite literally overflowing. The total nearly made your stomach drop out of your ass. Mrs Geoge simply flashed her black card and, without even a wince, paid the price. The receipt was, like, three feet long.

Carrying it all to her car was a daunting task, but a worker did come to help you. A young man, probably home from college, was all too eager to carry the bags for Mrs George.

The way he was blushing all the way up to his ears, the way she was amused by him but not receptive, made you think about what Regina had said months ago. You'd been on your way to her nail appointment and she'd gone on a tangent about how women died at menopause.

Mrs George was thriving. She was above it all. Her worth, or mortality, wasn't determined by the men around her. She'd been cheated on, continuously neglected by her husband, and put down by her teenage daughter, and still, she was beautiful. She existed independently.

In short, you were right and Regina was wrong. You saw things how they really were. She saw things tilted to the left, through a warped lens. The confirming of this brought you no comfort, she'd already ruined you and there was no redeeming herself after this, at least not for you.

"Phew, what a trip, right?" She nudged you with her elbow as she buckled her seatbelt.

You nodded along, voice still weak. You buckled in as well.

"I'll pick you up for the talent show." She said as she turned away from the parking lot. "Oooh, we should have a night in. Order some pizzas and slob around the couch. How's that sound?"

"I don't think I should go to the talent show."

"Oh, why's that?"

"Just... Something happened at school. I don't wanna go."

Mrs George frowned and glanced at you. "Honey, you know you can tell me anything. I still think you should come."

"Everybody hates me." You faced the window and crossed your arms. Very mature.

"I'm sure that's not true." She sighed. "I'm not supposed to tell you, but Regina's got something prepared for you. I think you should go see her at least."

Your face twisted in anger. "Something prepared for me- like she prepared something for me today? I don't fucking think so."

"Language." She said and you grumbled. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." You rubbed your hands down your jeans. "It's not gonna be good. She's gonna humiliate me."

"It's supposed to be a surprise, but I can guarantee that she's not going to humiliate you."

"What do you know?" You turned to her with narrowed eyes.

"I've been hearing her practice, is all." She responded, tone much too light.

You studied her face carefully. "Fine."

She smiled, seemingly relieved. Then, as if to cut the tension in the car, said:

"Oh, and by the way, I'm filing for divorce." With a giddy smile on her face, she blurted it out. You just stared for a while, almost suffering whiplash from the sudden change in topic.

"Uh... Finally." You laughed a little as you said that.

"Yeah!" She laughed with you. "It's been a long time coming. I just needed to sort some things out. Emotionally and financially. I had to get rid of some investments so I wouldn't have to pay alimony."

Your jaw dropped. The Georges were, like, filthy rich. Rich beyond reason, excess income to a ridiculous degree. You'd always assumed it was Mr George's money. How archaic of you.

"I... I kinda wished you'd done it sooner." You looked forward again. She was driving carefully since the snow made the roads prone to ice.

"Me too. The girls... They... I thought that having two parents would be the most stable, safe environment for them. I was wrong."

"Yeah." You swallowed. "Um. Since we're, like, just saying things. I'm, by the way, gay. Like, a lesbian."

"That's wonderful, honey!"

"Yeah." You couldn't say you agreed.

"Should we go get you a haircut?"

"I don't need to look any more butch than I do."

"I don't know, I think you'd look dashing." She feigned light-hearted. "Regina might like it."

"Mrs George!"

Notes: More drama! Yay! Do y'all think Regina did it?

Taglist posted separately. Please comment on the taglist post to be added on there :)

[james-is-here]

Felix couldn't be in the latest Code episode due to health issues and it's making me want to write a sick fic of how he really wanted to go camping with the boys and he feels bad that you stayed back to take care of him but you WANTED to stay back because Felix is your sunshine and you didn't want him to be alone.

.......Wait, that's what this is 😏

Blogs: @belladonna6-6-6 @heartbinn @succubus-hansol @leezanetheofficial @yongbokkk @michelle4eve @dontwannaexsist (lmk if I forgot you or you want to be added.)

Tags: Just delirious, cute, fluffy, sick Felix. Could be seen as ot8 and male reader but mainly Felix and reader.

When he woke up and heard no other noises other then the low, gentle rumbling of the air system blowing cool air throughout the dorm, the first thing he did was huff out a whimper as he curled in on himself and pull the blanket tighter around him. He was alone, cold, hot, stuffy.

When pulling the blanket, it stops short, a tautness to his tugs that has him whining weakly before giving up. A chuckle sounds behind him and the blanket loosens in his hold and is brought up over his shoulder before an arm drapes over his waist and pulls him into a firm hoodie clad chest.

You've been in his room since the boys left, after an abundance of convincing (one would say begging) Chan and your manager to let you stay cause you felt bad that he'd be all alone. Chan only agreed and told the other male that it'd be okay for you to stay back because he saw that there was no changing your mind, he saw that you really felt bad for Felix being alone. "We can just say they both had health issues. It'll be okay." He reasoned and the manager conceded and walked off. Chan smiled at you and posts your head before giving you a hug. "Oh, you have such a kind heart." You laughed and pulled back. "Thank you?" You replied before he gives you another head pat and leaves, closing the door behind him.

Now, you were sat leaning back against Felix's headboard, scrolling on your phone or doing stuff on your laptop when he woke up grumpily.

You moved your laptop to the side with your headphones and covered him up before pulling him close. His hand reaches for yours and pulls it up to his chest, making you laugh softly when it's apparent that he's not fully awake.

You gently nuzzle your face into neck and tighten your hold around him and squeeze his hand that's in yours. You lay there for a couple of minutes before realizing that his neck is really warm against your nose. Pulling back, you let go of his hand and raise yours to his forehead and sigh softly, letting him go with a gentle kiss to his temple then going to the bathroom.

You grab a rag and run it under the tap, squeezing out the remaining water before going back to Felix and placing it on his forehead then heading to the front door. You know that you shouldn't leave but you already tried to make him soup earlier but there weren't any ingredients to try and make your mom's "instant healing" soup as she called it. You've made it for all the boys and they love it, even if they aren't sick.

You double check that Felix has passed out again before heading out with a cap and mask on along with your hoodie pulled up to help hide the rest of your hair.

You try to make it quick at the nearby shop, grabbing everything you don't have at the dorm before checking out, having to stop for a moment and gently turn down a few Stays when they recognized your hoodie, then heading back home.

When you close the door, you lean against it with a sigh and take off everything necessary when you hear quiet sobs. Dropping the groceries, you rush to Felix's room and push the door open. He's sat up, the wash rag on his knees and his forehead on the rag with his arms wrapping around himself. "Too quiet, I don' wanna be here, I wanted t' go camping, s' stupid." "Hey, Hey, Felix, it's okay." You say softly, kneeling next to the bed as you rub his back.

He sniffs and lifts his head, his nose is red with his eyes that brim with tears that fall down his flushed cheeks. "Hey there, Sunshine." "Mn? Hyungie-" He's cut off by his own sob, leaning towards you and wrapping his arms around your neck and you stand, picking him up with you and sitting where he just was as you wrap your arms around his back tightly and he curls into you, hugging you tightly.

"Aw, Sunshine, it's okay." You coo softly, lifting your hand and brushing it through his hair. You rock him gently, rubbing his back and gently shushing him to setting down or he'll end up with a headache. "Breathe, Lixie, it's okay. I'm here, okay?" "Bu-But why...Y-You were go-gonna go c-camp-camping." He gasps out. "Sunshine, I stayed behind willingly." "B-but b-being with th-the others wo-would be m-more fun th-than t-taking care of me..." "I didn't want to go knowing you were here alone. I felt bad and I really want to take care of you."

His arms tighten around your neck before he sits back, you bring your knee up for him to lean back against as he wiped his tears. "Y-You d-didn't have to though..." You grab his hands, pulling them away from his eyes to stop him from rubbing them them raw and place them in front of him. His whole face his red along with his scleras, he keeps his hands in place when you lift one of yours to cradle his face, thumbing the apple of his cheek and wiping his tears away.

"I wanted to. I felt really bad you were sick and alone, I didn't want to leave you here alone feeling so icky." "Camping is better." His cries have turned into conjested sniffs as he leans into your hand. "I've been camping, too, I was the second host with Minho-Hyung, I would've bunked with him in a tent and I'm a cuddler. He hates cuddling." "No he doesn't." "Lixie, I'm trying to make you laugh, I know he likes cuddling." "Oh." You gently pinch his cheek before wrapping his arms around your neck and standing up. "Come on, I'm gonna make you soup."

Setting him in the counter, he goes to jump off but you stop him. "Sit." He does. "Stay." He pouts and you kiss his nose as you walk back to the front door to get the grocery bags. "Good Lix." "M'not a puppy. I didn't want to get sickness everywhere." You walk back over to him, placing the bags on the counter then step between his legs and place a hand on his forehead before reaching above him and into the cabinet next to the fridge and pull out a thermometer.

Placing it on his temple, you click the button and wait for it to beep then turn it towards you, no fever and you smile, placing your hand on the counter next to his thigh before you lean forward and leave a peck to his lips. "No more fever." "why'd you-" "Why wouldn't I kiss you?" "You could've just told me no fever." "Then I wouldn't see your cute shy face." He shoves you away gently at your chest and you laugh. "Just...Go make me food while I struggle to breath." "Wow, so demanding." You tease before removing your hoodie and tossing it across the kitchen out of the way then sifting through the stuff you bought.

While wait after every step your mom made, you're standing in front of Felix, making him laugh and distracting him from how miserable he was feeling.

"Oh, Chan's asking how you're doing." You were waiting for the veggies to cook in the broth and Felix was leaning on you, which was his only support from falling forward off the counter, and your arms were wrapped around him, rubbing his back as you scrolled your phone. You get no answer and look down to see him asleep on your chest, hands on the counter between his legs, frozen mid fidget of the string of your sweats and his forehead against your chest. You smile, gently combing strands of his hair out of the way and behind his ear before opening your camera, angling it to show your hand in his hair and his sleepy figure.

You take a video, brushing through his hair and he shifts, head turning so he's facing your phone and his arms pull you closer to the counter between his legs before falling limp around you and you chuckle softly, kissing the top of his head then stopping the video and sending it to the group chat instead of just Chan.

They must be taking a break from filming as they reply quickly. Jisung and Jeongin sends a pouting sticker with Jisung wishing he could cuddle with you, Chan and Changbin send messages of adoration, Hyunjin calls him cute, Seungmin calls him lucky, and Minho calls him a cute sleepy boy before sending a message for him to feel better with the others do as well.

You hear the pot of soup boiling and you whine quietly. You really don't want to disturb him. You send the guys a message about having to move him and Seungmin laughs at your agony, of course.

You rub his back and gently coax him to sit up, drawing a whine from him as he tries to pull himself back into you. "Sunshine, I'm sorry, I have to check your food." "Comfy..." He mutters. Sighing, you step back towards him, pulling him to the edge of the counter then hoist him up with an arm under him. "Okay, baby, I won't leave you." His arms wrap around your neck as he nuzzles his face into it, snuggling and settling in your hold before promptly falling back asleep.

You stand sideways and check your soup before turning off the stove and moving back to where you were. You set him down on the counter but he doesn't move. You pull out your phone, tilting your chin up enough to show Felix's face and take a photo before debating if you can post it to bubble. You probably could but you'll ask Felix if you can when he's more awake.

Looking at the time, it's only noon so you move to the living room, you'll heat his soup up later, and lay on the couch, pulling the blanket on the back over the both of you and Felix shifts, stretching out his legs and wrapping his arms around your middle. Your hand rests on the back of his neck and squeeze gently before your thumb rubs back and forth where it lays and your other hand pulls out your phone.

He woke up an hour later, a little grumpy before sitting up on your lap. "Good nap?" He nods, wiping away his sleepiness then dropping his hands onto your stomach. "Bathroom." You chuckle at his small voice. "Go use it while I get your soup, alright?" "You're comfy..." "I'm not gonna go to the bathroom with you." "...fine."

You sit up, taking him with you as you stand before setting him down and patting his waist to send him off. "Go. I'll get you soup." "M'kay." He shuffles away, and you smile at him adoringly before going to the kitchen, turning the stove over to warm it up.

A few seconds later, arms wrap around your waist with hands clasped together at your stomach, covered by sleeves. Placing a hand over his, you look over your shoulder to see he's stolen your hoodie from earlier. "Don't fall asleep on me again." "I won't." He mutters into your shirt as you fill a bowl for him. He steps back, letting you go as you walk over to the kitchen table a place down his bowl and he sits down. You sit across from him, taking another picture of him hovering over the bowl and a spoon stirring the contents.

'Guess who woke up' you send to the chat then set your phone down. "You not gonna eat?" He asks after swallowing the spoonful he ate. "Not very hungry. Maybe later." He shakes his head, spooning some of his soup before picking it up towards you. "Eat, Hyung." You shake your head gently and lean forward, taking the spoon past your lips and eating the warm dish. "Thank you, Lix." The boy smiles and goes back to eating himself.

Looking down at your phone, you see messages in the chat and you smile. "The others say hi." He smiles and leans over to look at your phone since his is in his room. "We'll give Sungie all the cuddles when he comes back." Laughing, you agree. "All the cuddles." "How'd they know this was your mom's soup?" It was an angle from the table and you couldn't see into the bowl. "I always make this when you guys are sick, it's a given." Chan sent a drooling sticker cause he knew what you made and Hyunjin sends a pouting sticker.

You sit there with him until he's done and take his bowl before he could stand up. "I was gonna wash that." "Too bad." You reply and rinse his bowl before putting it on the drying rack. You quickly find a container and put the rest of your soup away and into the fridge before turning to the other who stood and watched you. "C'mon, let's go to bed." "It's too early." "For cuddles, silly." You walk over to him and crouch down slightly. "Jump." He does so and attaches himself to you, hugging you tightly and burying his face into your neck as you walk to his room.

After closing the door, you sit back against his headboard and squeeze him in a tight hug that pulls a giggle out of him as he sits back. He leaves a kiss to your cheek then leans his forehead on yours, his nose touching yours and you pull back to kiss it gently then lean back to look at his eyes. "Thank you, Hyung. Think I would've been miserable alone." He lays his head on your shoulder and traces random shapes on your collar. "No need to thank me. I really like taking care of you guys." "You're so selfless, Hyung...but you're also sweet and kind hearted." "Lix..." "We love that about you, it's not bad. You're so..." He sits up and looks at your eyes, tears building in his.

"Lixie." You wipe the tears that fell and he leans into your touch. "Where did Chan-Hyung find you, you're so...perfect." "Tripped down the stairs and he found me at the bottom and asked if I was okay. I also knew Changbin." Felix kisses your cheek and lays his head on your shoulder again. You kiss his cheek in return then shuffle down the bed to lay down and roll onto your sides then pull the blanket over the both of you.

Your arms wrap around his shoulders and back and his wrap around your middle, tucking himself under your chin and snuggling further into you. Pulling back, you kiss the top of his head then move back to where you were, closing your eyes and falling asleep to his gentle breathing, feeling truly content as always when one of the boys are in your arms.

[tw1l1te]

Heyy you fabulous writter! You've had me hooked ever since I first found a post of yours and I don't know if you're taking writing requests but if you are...I'd like to humbly request you to write this idea?🙏

Essentially I think it'd be really cute having a small one-shot of the LU boys in twilights hyrule and them meeting his S/O. His S/O can either be a simple farmer who grew up in the same area or the idea of someone he met on his journey who also had animal turning 'abilities'/features comes to mind so they understand each other more than most. IDK if it's a silly idea or not I just thinks the boys reactions (especially time teasing twilight and such) would be Hella cute! Anyways thanks and keep the good work up! 🫡

- Anon🧋

Yesyesyesyes living out my cottage core dream with mr. cowboy teehee

~

Twilight was getting giddier by the second as he approached Ordon, and the boys could tell. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, trying the keep the nervousness at bay, but how could he do that when he was about to see you. His beloved.

"I don't think I have ever seen you this jittery before, Pup. What's wrong?"

Twilight was about to answer him when they hear a loud gasp.

Twilight turns to see you on a tree above them, clad in what seems to be.... his old tunic? You jump down, hopping down branch by branch before landing inches away from Twilight.

"Oh by three- you're home! I missed you so much-"

He shuts you up, by pulling you in for a kiss, months of love and desperation melting onto you.

You had to pull away to avoid creating awkwardness for the others, "Alright, easyyy cowboy. Now why don't you tell me about your lil' friends?"

Time raises an eyebrow at him, clearly interested in your character.

"Oh! I completely forgot t' introduce myself! I'm Y/n, mister hero's partner."

Time nods, holding out a hand to shake.

"I'm Time, a... friend of Link's. We all met on his recent adventure."

You nod, squinting a bit at him, then eyeing the rest of them. You walk around them slightly, eyeing their garb and equipment a bit before nodding back at your boyfriend.

"They're Links too, aren't they?"

Legend jumps slightly at that, "How did you-"

You smile at him, "I gotta good nose."

Twilight shakes his head, chuckling "Alright, lets go back to the village before you start figuring everyone out."

You jog up to him, animatedly waving your hands, rambling about Colin and how good with swordsmanship he's become. Before you could continue rambling, Wind asks, "How'd you two meet?"

You and Twilight pause, looking at each other before responding.

"Oh, y'know, I met him on his quest during the Twilight Era. Stinky do-wait, they know, right?"

"They're too nosy for their own good."

"Right, so. I met him while I was in my alternate form. Fell on top of me from a brittle tree-"

"-Wait, you have a wolf form too?!" Wind exclaims, running up to you.

You snort, this kid's funny.

"Nah, that's hero's spirit and all. It's better if I show ya."

You focus for a moment before you feel the shift, still uncomfortable but so much less painful than the first time it happened, oh so many years ago.

Opening your eyes, you can feel your senses sharpen, everything intensifying tenfold.

"A fucking fox???!?!! Twilight, your wife is so cool."

"Not my wife yet, but thank you."

You walk up to Wind, cooing at him. He hesitantly pets your fur on your head, earning him a soft purr from you.

You walk up to the rest of them, just looking at them. You give a few extra sniffs to the pink-haired one, him smelling like hare.

Shifting back, you walk back to Twilight, your fur coat retreating back into your skin. You give him a peck on the cheek, continuing your way back to the village.

"Y'all coming or what?"

Twilight breaks out of his lovestruck trance, following you. Time walks up to Twilight, muttering to him,

"I can tell you've got a thing for foxy personalities."

"Oh, shut up."

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Jojolands 13: Ohana Means I'll Set Your Ass on Fire

Dragona dropping some great truth about the absurd in this bizarre adventure. We finally got a peak behind that mask. I love it and I hate it, if you've read the chapter already you know what I mean. We'll get to that, because this right here isn't spoilery and it was such a cool nugget.

I love the way Dragona talks about the "absurd." Chance moments that alter one's life for better or for worse. The things that just don't make sense. Especially paired with Dragona opining about nearly losing their heart in the same chapter that last part about hearts being destroyed hits hard. I'm definitely sure we're looking at a trans narrative here and one we'll see play out. The chapter does a good job of implying what we need to know. Nudges at an early theory you've been changing your body with Smooth Operator. We ready? What follows is no place for beginners or sensitive hearts:

Oh HELL yes! As if I needed a reason, these two were well on their way to top Jojo status and now the dynamic duo of the Joestar Siblings are definitely there. Mean girl sets her sights on a much more timid Dragona who we now know looked way more masculine at 14 than 18. Talking physical build and not just fashion. You know, I don't expect an 18yo to have all that figured out and with this I do think we'll see her keep coming into her own. But holy shit that was fucked up and I sincerely hope we can get through the rest of this with no more sexual assault on my Jojos blorbo.

If they do...Jodio will fuck you up. Set a whole damn bus on fire! And while I'm not looking forward to having to relive the impetus in the inevitable anime adaptation, since we've already had the cop I kinda like the perpetrator being a girl here. For one because it shows a side of this kind of bigotry that often goes underrepresented. You see a little more space made typically for trans men who had bad experiences with men prior to coming out, largely because it tends to overlap with those who found a comfortable half-step in something like a radical feminist group. But this sets up Dragona pretty well for a realistic other side of the coin to that. Your experiences with bullying might make you a little skittish of girls your age, you keep a foot in this criminal world even if we keep showing you (not unlike Okiku) as someone who doesn't fit super well, all this would certainly explain why you'd gravitate towards a figure like Meryl Mei. Why there's great potential for drama if she shows a nastier side. It's all great for a trans story that justifies still figuring yourself out through it...but sticks to a fairly realistic path for a lot of young women who find themselves running with gangs.

All that said, Jodio you absolute freak. Burning the whole bus is metal, it's scruffy, he's protecting family. Doooooope. These two are fantastic and I can't wait to explore their story, their dynamic more. Jodio & Dragona's sibling bond is the beating heart of this part. As much as I love Kiku/Izo & Killua/Alluka yeah this is gonna be a banger. Speaking of, this chapter was also the second time we nudged at Jodio getting shit for looking fey too. These two are ride or die for each other and their awesome mom Barbara Ann. How this all ties into their family falling apart and their desire to become filthy rich? No need to ask...

In lighter news. They. When Meryl learns of the other lava rock that got smashed. We're all clear on who's the brains and who's the firepower in the dynamic duo right? I trust Meryl as far as I can throw her and she's a big lady. But for now everything seems on the up-and-up. Charmingman seems to have passed the sniff test and yeah it looks like he's just going to hang around. I like this new setup. Scouting a shadowy company to see if we can get more lava rock.

All in all one of the best chapters of Jojolands so far. I'm loving it, this is the exact direction I hoped it'd go. The backstory made this pretty heavy and I hope we can have more fun with this gang on the new excursion.

[moominvalley-state-of-mind]

happy autism awareness + acceptance month!!!!

anyways heres some charicters i think would be on the spectrum :D

Mabel Pines: and ADHD((?) Idk i'm dont have ADHD so i cant really speak for that but ive seen some headcannons)

Dipper Pines: Autism!!!!!! He is so me fr fr

Pacifica????? : I think she has the vibes and could be conditioned to severly mask & and like to think she'd acually really like all the 'rules' in high socioty because they make her life ten times easier

Snork: So hes a little creature. Aren't we all in the grand scheme of things?

Sniff??? : Just an idea lmao i think it'd be cool :P

Any of the 7: ADHD why not Autism????

Meg McCaffrey : even though she was probs REALLY sheltered, I think she would be accidentally mean, espeshaly when really little

Magnus Chase: source: hes just like me fr fr (mostly lie)

Ferb: Cannon? I think???? Gotta hit up my buddy Dan (also Phineas??? perhaps autism + adhd????)

Nurogivergent charicters make up most of the Phineas and Ferb universe tbh

Hilda: 'she grew up in the woods! ofc she wouldn't know that stuff!' shut

Frida: relate to her so much acually

David: an autism trio is unstoppable and also hilarious and i think theres some hints -

All of the Muppets,: look me in the eyes and say their nurotypical. I fucking dare you

will most likely re blog cause i cant think of this many off the top of my head :D

(these r just headcannons!!!!! pls dont hate, just my opinion :(((()

[sammylbir]

Day 3: Talentswap (Celeste x Sayaka)

"Here's your tea, miss.", the waiter told the customer, as he placed a cup of dark red tea onto the table. Looking up from her magazine, the customer took a look at the liquid, her right eye fully focused on the elegant cup and nice shape, along with the fluid in the cup itself. With a smile, she adjusted her eye patch and turned to the waiter gently.

"Thank you.", she told him. "I love Roiboos tea."

The waiter nodded and then walked off, as the girl began to grab the handle and blow off some of the steam.

Her appearance was unique to say the least. A neat white suit with dark red accents contained a slim woman with wide shoulders and blue hair, along a pair of white gloves. Her eyes had a soft touch and yet the eagle-eyed viewer would notice that said eye contained something like a storm.

If she saw guilt in you, the storm would ravage. If not, it would rest. Calm, like the sea.

This was Sayaka Maizono, a famous detective and one who struck fear in the hearts of any criminal that she crossed paths with. Known in the underworld as The Demon Detective due to her ruthless and cold pursuit of crime, most tried to avoid her. Lest they'd face the punishment for their crimes.

But right now, Sayaka was off-duty. It was a sunny day in Bristol and she had decided to drink some hot beverage, in order to relax and to start the day off with a smile. After all, being a detective was no easy feat and she always appreciated whenever she was able to take a day off.

She took a sniff off the tea.

"Mhm....Roiboos...", she said to herself happily. "I wonder if it tastes as good, as the one in Groningen? Only one way to find out."

She grabbed the handle and took a sip of it, smiling happily and humming in delight.

"Delicious?"

Sayaka stopped and turned her attention to one of the other tables. A woman was sitting there, roughly around her age and smiling sweetly at her nearby. Her appearance was interesting to say the least.

Black hair with two massive pigtails, a black jacket with a chess-pattern. Her eyes and lips were as red as roses and her skin was uncharacteristically white and her jawline was rather angular, which contrasted with her rather feminine appearance.

Sayaka nodded and smiled sweetly.

"It is.", she answered content. "I like the temperature. It's not hot enough to burn my tongue yet not cold enough to taste gross."

"Indeed. The Cafe here is known for their exquisite tea. Especially if you add some milk to it."

"You can add milk to tea?", Sayaka asked surprised and rhe stranger nodded elegantly.

"Indeed. There are so many variations, on how one can drink tea. Whether it'd be with candy sticks, sugar cubes or milk. The variations are endless."

"I see... I didn't know that.", Sayaka replied and smiled. "Are you a tea expert by any chance?"

"Well....thank you for the compliment.", Celeste replied and then shook her head. "But my actual ability belies in something more sophisticated."

"Oh really? Like being a skilled actress?", Sayaka asked, to which the stranger tilted her head.

"An actress? Moi?"

"Yes. That's a very convincing french accent if I've ever heard one before.", the detective explained and smiled.

"Convincing? Why of course. I am french after all. The name is Celestia Ludenberg. But you can call me Celeste.", Celeste introduced herself and Sayaka smiled warmly.

"A pretty name. And i am-"

"Sayaka Maizono.", Celeste replied and smirked. "You are quite the celebrity after all."

"Celebrity?", Sayaka asked, as her cheeks reddened while giggling along. "You're such a charmer. I'm just a detective."

"A detective that brought a corrupt Dutch politician to justice.", Celeste answered with a smirk. Sayaka giggled.

"It seems my reputation precedes me. You are a fan of me or what?", she teased, hoping to get some reaction from Celeste. But the latter played it cool.

"Well I have been interested in your career. You seem pretty smart, you know. And I respect smart people. And....."

She smirked.

"... test them."

"Test, you say? With what?", Sayaka asked curiously and eyed the faux french-woman

carefully.

Her accent was almost convincing. Almost. But Sayaka could tell that it was forced.

After all, no french person would pronounce their last name in an english way.

Celeste grinned and took something out from behind. And it was a chessboard. One that seemed very antique and made out of wood, the figures all being in proper place. Rook, knight, pawn, the full package.

"Chess, huh.", Sayaka realised and smiled. "So this is your forte?"

"Oui. I'm a very skilled chess player and am passionate for the sport. And I always appreciate a good battle of wits, so....Care for a game?"

"Hmm...", Sayaka mumbled to herself and eyed the girl for a brief moment, before getting up and smiling. "Sure. On the condition that I get to play as black."

"That can be arranged.", Celeste replied with a smirk and then Sayaka sat down, while the chess player grabbed the pawn with a swift motion and placed it forward.

What followed next, was a fierce yet silent battle. Celeste went immediately on the offensive and Sayaka lost most of her pawns at first and yet she kept up and studied her opponent. Her mentor always taught her to remain calm and composed and to always wait and see.

Which is why Sayaka took her time, before taking out her opponent's pawns, going on the offense. With a sweet smile, both contestants swapped pieces with one another, until....

"Hm.", Celeste noted, as Sayaka took out her last pawn. Only one pawn and king each remained, a clear draw. "So.....a draw. Interesting."

"Yeah.... you're quite good.", Sayaka admitted sheepishly. "I really shouldn't have given up my knight this early..."

"And i should have noticed the trap you laid for my queen.", Celeste replied and giggled. "I had fun nevertheless though. You are a skilled and smart woman Sayaka."

"Thank you. I can say the same about you as well, Celeste.", Sayaka said and smiled. "How about we have some dinner later? So we can get to know each other more. My treat."

"Of course.", Celeste answered and returned a charming smile. "Just tell me when and I shall come."

So, the two agreed on a time and they eventually went separate ways, neither of them leaving each other's heads.

Sayaka wanted to learn more about the woman, who pretended to be french.

And Celeste wanted to learn more about the demon detective and the rumors.

What both knew in the end though, was that this was going to be the beginning of something.... wonderful.

The End

[hainethehero]

Stucky headcanon of Steve & Bucky meeting in the 21st century...

(Bucky's POV)

"Wait- they're sending who-?"

Natasha sighs over the line, probably pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration at his antics. But Bucky could honestly care less. Because he wasn't feeling too charitable based on the news he'd just received.

"Look, SHIELD wants him, and he's a cool guy once you get to know him," Natasha tries.

"I don't care what SHIELD wants. They know I work alone!" Bucky spits, "I don't need some military mascot trailing after me and my team!"

"He's not a mascot, Barnes. Steve's a cool guy-"

"I don't care, Natalia."

"Look, you can be as pissy as you want, it's not gonna change anything. Fury's already gotten his file and he's probably being debriefed right now."

"The fuck he is," Bucky growls, cutting her off and stomping his way to the elevators. He jabs the button to Fury's floor, leaning against the glass wall with his arms crossed. His nose twitches, several sweet but not overpowering scents filling his senses. It's a soft, floral note that confounds the fuck out of him because none of the agents he works with smell like that.

It's all manly and clean with woody musks.

"Thirty-sixth floor. Fury, Nicholas J." the elevator announces, as if Bucky needed any introduction. He steps out onto the floor and frowns at the scent that seemingly grows stronger the closer he gets to Fury's main office.

He hears the man's voice and slows his stomp to an even pace, trying to make out the figure seated with his back turned to the outside. Fury is leaning against his desk, a finger pointing at something in the file the other man is holding.

"The mission is simple, get in, get out, minimum casualties."

That's Bucky's cue. "Thought this was a one-man job."

The blonde man sitting suddenly rises to his feet, an air of mystery around him and politely offers his hand.

"Hello, I'm Steve."

Bucky narrows his eyes at him, taking in his face which looks so perfect it's almost porcelaine. And his lips are the brightest shade of baby pink the assassin's ever seen. Not to mention how soft his hand looks as it awaits his own. Bucky subconsciously flexes his metal fist, glad it's still hidden under a glove. He does his best to show his utter disregard for the man, guessing he was probably used to being in the spotlight all the time.

"I work better alone. You know that."

Out the corner of his eyes, he can see the man quickly retrieve his stupid hand, sitting back down quietly as if he'd been dismissed.

Well, he had.

But the redness on his cheeks made his embarrassment clear. Barnes felt a little satisfaction in knocking down Captain America a peg or two.

"Well, Captain Rogers has been added to the scheme. He is at your disposal. And when I say disposal, I mean he's the reason why the mission is minimum-casualty- coded."

Bucky glares at Steve again, irritated at the fact that SHIELD thought it'd be a good idea to toss some random into his team, less than two weeks before their mission. He didn't like to be undermined. And this felt exactly like that.

"I don't need help-"

"These orders come from the top, so there's really nothing I can do, Barnes." Fury sighs. "Now, quit pestering me and help your newest teammate get acquainted with mission training. Goodbye."

Bucky rolls his eyes and stalks out of the room, stopping only briefly to address Rogers.

"You comin' or what, Spangles?"

Steve's face was a mirror of discomfort as both men step into the elevator. Bucky jabs the button to the training rooms and leans against the wall, arms folded again. He sniffs discreetly and realizes that the soft, floral scent hadn't left his nose at all. In fact, it had gotten stronger now that he thought about it. He sideglanced Rogers and realized with much surprise that it was him.

Some wretched part of him wanted to call Steve a grandma for smelling like that but even he had to admit, the scent was oddly beautiful and a welcome change to the usual stink of SHIELD and its hypermasculine environs. He takes in Steve's civilian fit and probably for the first time that day, let intrigue win.

As a science and history buff, it was pretty incredible to see a man who'd been plucked straight out of the forties. His sense of style was reflective of that. Soft khakis and a simple white t-shirt under a black leather jacket. His hair was neatly combed and styled in that church boy fashion, with some strands curling down about his forehead. Yeah, Captain America was the perfect polished soldier, if he'd ever seen one.

But Bucky was too annoyed to be inquisitive at the moment. Maybe he was overreacting and overly pissy with the new recruit. That didn't mean he couldn't appreciate how good-looking the guy really was. He was a total doll face, what with the blue eyes and long camel lashes and the pouty pink lips. In some other circumstance, he imagined he'd be asking Steve if he could order him a drink. He could see himself sitting at a bar, talking shit with Rogers all night. Though, he didn't think the great Captain America even frequented bars.

When the elevator announces their level, he steps off and quickly realizes he's not being followed. He turns and asks Steve again if he's coming, and pauses in his tracks.

He recognizes the look of pure disassociation on the man's face almost immediately. Blue eyes were shadowed by a deep frown and blank stare. His brows were set in a confused frown and he seemed to be holding his body tightly, as if he'd fall apart if he didn't.

Then, as quickly as Bucky noticed it, it quickly melts away. Rogers nods awkwardly and follows him to the training room.

"Holy shit."

Bucky watches as Rumlow approaches all sweaty and gleaming. He notices the way Steve's face lights up when he recognizes the man and his skin prickles a little. He chalks it up to Brock's natural tendency to raise his hackles.

"Rumlow," Rogers greets and it's bordering on robotic.

"Rogers, didn't expect them to bring you in already."

Bucky frowns at Brock. "You knew about this?"

"Heard a rumour a couple weeks ago, didn't think of it til now."

The team approach them and Bucky notes how Steve takes a little step back, probably feeling cornered or something. He imagines the dude's got mad stories to tell about the war. With passing interest, he wonders what kind of dreams the Captain has.

"Captain, this is my STRIKE team. I'm assuming you've met Rumlow, my second in command. After him, Rollins. Wilson is one of our newest recruits but we've worked with him before. He's pararescue. And our specialists, Lopez and Murdock."

Steve smiles and signs a greeting at Lopez when he realizes that she's deaf and- what the fuck, why was that so adorable? Bucky narrows his eyes, trying desperately to feign nonchalance when, in fact, he wanted to coo like he usually did when Alpine did some cute shit.

Then Steve's eyes meet his and his smile disappears as quickly as it came. He tries not to take it personally, after all, he had been a total bitch to the guy. But, whatever. Captain America was sort of adorable. So what?

He clears his throat and addresses the team, "We have roughly two weeks to prepare for this retrieval. And now, thanks to Fury, we also have to bring Spangles into the loop. Let's get to work."

He watches as Steve heads on over to the punching bags with Rumlow. He wasn't in the proper gear to train so Bucky assumed he was asking Rumlow for a quick run-down of their training schedule. He tries not to feel offended that Rogers had gone to his second in command, rather than him, the team leader.

[vllergy]

literally the first snz thing i've ever written please go ahead and eviscerate me but the brainrot was real and i needed an exorcism literally no plot, just snz. have some allergic!wolfwood and some kink!vash who is absolutely losing his mind in the seat next to him (dedicated to all the greats that came before me, i would tag u but i dont know you and dont want to be weird?!? apologies for showing up out of nowhere but i want to be friends with all of you out there who are writing incredible shit please and thank you)

It's still light enough that the interior of the jeep is bathed in blue velvet and Vash can see every detail of Wolfwood sitting next to him in perfect clarity. But just dark enough that he can watch him from the cover of the soft shadows afforded to him by the arch of the window he's pressed up against without anyone knowing. Vash rolls the side of his head a little farther against the glass just to discourage even the slightest suspicion that he's spying on the other man. Somehow, the glass is still warm even though the inside of the vehicle has cooled down considerably. On any other night, Vash might have chased after the sensation to stave off the chill that inevitably seeps in. Tonight, however, it only serves to make the blood rising to his cheeks feel like a fever. Pinpricks of heat needle at his flesh, stinging him as the blush burns hotter, brighter. He can feel the color red on his skin. He's lucky it's dark, because he's sure his face is as red as his jacket. 

Vash inhales a steadying breath and wrenches his eyes away from Wolfwood's profile in an effort to level himself out. Of course, just as he does so, the other man sniffles for what must be the hundredth time in that soft--admittedly unobtrusive--way that sets Vash's blood on fire. He's been doing it for the better part of an hour, and Vash feels like he's losing his mind. 

The race clearly lost, the flush on his cheeks radiates down the lower half of his face and throat. It spreads through his chest like a wildfire and suddenly the interior of the jeep feels stifling, like he can't catch his breath.

Still, ever a glutton for punishment, Vash can't help but look back over at Wolfwood. He's rewarded--or damned--with the sight of the other man pushing a knuckle against his nostril and rubbing harshly. It'd be obvious to anyone at this point, but it's been obvious to Vash for some time that something is bothering him. 

To be fair, there is something kind of acrid on the air that Vash can't quite place. The farther they drive, the more the sand has a sour edge to it, and the air has the consistency of syrup at the back of his throat. But he's always been more attuned to things like that. He can smell the threat of a storm waiting in a shift of a breeze, or a town full of decay from the way the sand smells even miles out. He's used to being alone in clocking those kinds of changes.

Neither Roberto or Meryl have commented on the change in atmosphere, but even if Wolfwood's not aware of it, it doesn't seem to agree with him. There's a strong part of Vash that's sympathetic. There's a pang in his chest that he always seems to get whenever Wolfwood is anything less than indomitable. Vash gets the urge to protect him, to care for him, to make his life easier somehow, despite any vitriol that might get thrown in his face (and usually does) for trying. 

But over the last hour, that sympathy has been well and truly worn out by something stronger. Hungrier. Something that would be a lot easier to get ahold of if he were not sitting with his knee brushing up against the other man's in close quarters with him while he sniffs away in maddening little bursts.

As Vash continues to watch, Wolfwood stretches his face and curls his upper lip over his teeth in an effort to do...something. Vash isn't sure what. That expression is nothing if not terribly itchy and doesn't look like it provides much relief.  Wolfwood seems less miserable as than he does terribly inconvenienced by the whole thing. He tried smoking a cigarette earlier but abandoned it early, seemingly not able to divide his attention between that and holding whatever this is at bay. 

Whatever this is. 

Vash shudders, despite the heat blooming in his chest. Part of him desperately hopes that whatever irritation Wolfwood's experiencing will keep him sniffly and annoyed for the rest of the journey, and nothing more. He'll be miserable, sure, but the alternative would be torture for Vash. And while the blonde is usually a man more than willing to fall on anyone else's sword for any reason and cut his teeth on the blade of mercy, this is one instance he'll gladly let Wolfwood shoulder the suffering. 

Then again--that other part of him is silently hoping against all hope that it might happen. It. He can't even think the word to himself, too afraid of what it might unravel in him. He's had yet to see it actually happen. Could it really be now? While they're sitting this close together? While it's this quiet? Vash's throat goes dry at the thought.

He gives a perfunctory glance toward the front windshield just for good measure and then lazily goes back to gazing at Wolfwood. 

Oh--

Vash almost misses it, it's so fast. There's a brief snarl of an expression and Wolfwood brings his closed fist underneath his nose. There's no audible inhalation of breath. No sound at all, actually. Just a quick dip of his head, and the briefest shudder of his body that just barely brushes his knee against Vash's. 

And then it's over. Wolfwood goes right back to staring out the window as if nothing had occurred, his eyes clear, expression steady. Doesn't even need a clearing sniff to punctuate it.

Vash, for his part, suddenly can't remember how to function. He ripped his gaze away so fast from the display that he's pretty sure his eyes are still spinning. The sand dunes in the distance blur as his gaze unfocuses and he begins to replay each motion over and over again from what little he can remember.

It was so fast, too fast. He should have been paying better attention. He'd missed seeing the way the sneeze must have crept up on Wolfwood, and the moment he must have decided it was happening whether he liked it or not.

Still, all things considered, Vash can't complain about what he did see. The slight cant of Wolfwood's dark brows, the way his nostrils had flared right above his fist, the slight shudder that made the silver cross necklace hanging across his chest wink at Vash in the moonlight. 

Vash bites his lip and lets his head tilt back. A deep, cleansing breath chases out the last bit of heat in his lungs.

There. That's the end of it. Wolfwood's concquered whatever it was that was bothering him, and Vash has seen what he wanted to. And he's still somehow in control of himself, by some miracle. All's well that ends well. Hengives a private little smile to the roof of the vehicle and flexes his hands on his thighs, thoroughly satisfied. 

Then, Wolfwood sniffs. 

Incredulous, Vash opens his eyes and carefully slides them over to the seat next to him. Where sure enough, Wolfwood is once again rubbing at his nose with a knuckle, this time with a bit more urgency. Vash picks up his head and stares with abandon, transfixed.

This time, he gets to see the entire thing. From the way Wolfwood's eyes start to slit closed, each long lash like a swipe of ink collecting in on themselves, to the way his mouth parts and reveals the white flash of a canine. There is a slight sound of breath this time, but soft enough that Vash is sure he's the only one who hears it. 

"Hh!"

Then, in the same manner as before, Wolfwood finally succumbs, placing his fist underneath his nose and dipping into a perfectly silent stifle. 

Between the haze of arousal, Vash has time to think it's a strange habit, especially for someone like Wolfwood. He's never known the man to do anything with much politeness, or chagrin for that matter. Had he been asked to predict his caliber of sneeze, he would have guessed it would have been a ground-shattering kind of ordeal that would have even woken the likes of Roberto. These tightly constrained sneezes seem oddly antithetical to who Wolfwood is as a person. 

Roberto is asleep, but Vash is certain Wolfwood isn't doing this for his benefit. So, then, why?

He doesn't have time to hypothesize further. Before Vash has time to pretend to look away again to keep his cover, Wolfwood stifles a third sneeze into his fist, just as silent as the first two. Wolfwood's body reacts a little more this time, the shudder more pronounced, and his knee hitting Vash's with a bit more strength. Though it could be blamed on the rattle of the ride, Vash knows better. He feels the point of contact like a gunshot. 

Now, he's presented with a strange problem. It's customary to bless someone in this situation, but it's clear Wolfwood is trying to keep everyone in this vehicle from knowing he's sneezing. And Vash's rapt attention notwithstanding, he's doing a pretty good job of it. 

Vash realizes he can't say anything without giving himself away--and even if he could, he gets the sense Wolfwood isn't someone who takes kindly to having his weaknesses highlighted. Someone who puts this much effort into concealing their sneezing probably doesn't want attention drawn to them, right?

Still, Vash is a creature of habit, even while he's trying desperately to get his blood to flow anywhere other than below his waist. So a moment later, Wolfwood gears up for another sneeze and realizes a simple clenched fist isn't going to cut it. He switches tactics and quickly pinches his nose shut with his thumb and forefinger, causing the sound to break through his teeth.

"Hngt-SST!" 

And Vash can't help himself. 

"Bless you," he whispers.

As expected, Wolfwood answers him with an all too familiar glare. His eyes shine like coins in the dark and Vash quickly palms the back of his neck, holding up his other hand in a show of surrender. It's a wordless apology, just as is Wolfwood's wordless Shut it, Needle-noggin.

The dark haired man goes back to staring out the window, only now with a scowl. He rubs the palm of his hand at the tip of his nose, crushing it into what he probably hopes is submission. The look on his face seems to say No more, not a single fucking one. And now Vash feels guilty. He didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. It really was just instinct. And maybe partly that strange, weird pulling feeling in his chest that makes him want to close the last inch of distance between them and rub Wolfwood's back until he feels better. 

Vash vows not to look anymore. He presses his cheek against the window and concentrates as hard as he can at the scenery outside. Things are blissfully quiet for a few moments. Vash allows himself to be lulled by the rocking of the rough terrain beneath the wheels and feels a bead of sweat drip down his spine.

Then, Wolfwood sniffles. 

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Vash's first instinct is that the other man is in some kind of emotional distress. Alarmed, he looks over immediately, despite just vowing not to. Wolfwood has his face turned away from him and angled down--Vash realizes he's using the collar of his shirt to rub at his nose. 

He's rubbing so hard, he looks like he's trying to start a fire. Vash desperately wants to take his hands and stop him before he hurts himself. He knows he should look away. Give him some privacy. But as soon as Wolfwood's breath starts to hitch, he's unable to do anything else but watch.

The rigorous rubbing comes to a halt and Wolfwood lifts his face just slightly from his collar. His breath snags, a quick staccato of whispered gasps. "Hh--hh..HHh!"

He curls in on himself, shoulders caving as he presses the grey fabric of his collar up over his nose and mouth and executes a near perfect stifle into it. Vash thinks that might be it, but another assaults him without giving him a breath in between. There's volume to it, but not much.

"Hngt-mpff!" 

He lifts his head blearily and Vash can see his expression in the reflection of the window. Brow downturned, eyes fluttering--suddenly something shifts and his mouth stretches back into a fuller, deeper gasp. Vash sees his teeth bared for a moment and his chest swelling against the opened panel of his suit.

Oh, this is--

"H'EHTschuh!" 

It's not terribly loud, and it's slightly contained by the fabric of his collar, but it's a proper sneeze this time. Wolfwood's whole body bends with the force of it. 

"Bless you!" Meryl chimes from the front seat. 

Vash winces, but figures it has to be fair game now. Wolfwood raises his opposite hand while the other still has his collar tented over his nose in a brief show of thanks. He sniffs noisily and then with a few testing sniffles, finally lowers his collar. Vash notices there's a damp spot amidst the dark grey fabric. He crosses his legs quickly.

Wolfwood settles back into his seat properly and swipes his wrist under his nose. Vash would have thought his mood might have soured further now that the jig is up, but if anything, he seems more relaxed now. His legs splay out, his thigh coming to rest against Vash's and their shoulders brushing. Wolfwood clears his throat once and huffs. 

Vash doesn't quite trust himself to speak but figures not saying anything is weirder. 

"Are you okay?" he asks.

Wolfwood cuts him a sidelong glance. There's no venom in it, nor suspicion, thankfully. There's a hazy look to him as if that last sneeze sent his head spinning. The thought is endearing as it is arousing. 

"M'good," is all the man offers in reply. 

He tips his head back, dark strands of hair sliding against each other like silk. Vash watches his bare chest rise and fall as he raises his hand and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

"You got any tissues up there?" he calls loud enough to be heard over the growl of the engine. 

Meryl's eyes flicker back to him in the rearview mirror. 

"There's some wadded up napkins."

"Hand 'em oh-h--"

Wolfwood's hand leaves his nose to hover, palm open, a few inches from his face. Vash thought he might just sneeze from there, but it's clearly turning into a bigger production. As his breath stutters, Wolfwood lifts his head from where it was tilted back and sits up fully. One hand becomes two as he steeples long fingers in front of his nose and mouth and his expression crumples. He whips forward into the space between his knees with a loud, throat scraping--"H’AEHHSSSZC’huu!"

Vash actually flinches. Now that sounds more like Wolfwood. Seems like all bets are off now. And just as Vash predicted,  the sound wakes Roberto from his sleep with a jolt. 

"Bless you," Meryl sighs.

Vash immediately puts a hand on Wolfwood's back where he's still hunched over, folded into his hands.

"Wow," he says, both in sympathy and in reverence.

Meryl reaches back with the napkins and Vash takes them from her. But before he can give them to Wolfwood, he feels the man's ribcage expanding underneath his palm. He doesn't even resurface, sneezing into his hands again from between his knees.

"DZZISSHh’huu!"

"That you sneezin' back there, undertaker?" Roberto grumbles.

Wolfwood grunts in response and finally lifts his head with a snuffle. Vash finds one of his hands and presses the napkins there. Wolfwood takes them without protest and immediately crushes them to his nose as he sits back up. 

Vash thinks to remove his other hand from his back but he doesn't, and for his part, Wolfwood doesn't shirk his touch. If anything, he leans into the hand along his spine, leans into Vash. The scent of his skin invades Vash's senses. Somehow, he still manages to smell nice after being in the burning heat all day. 

He's polite enough to turn his head as he starts to blow his nose. The action must vibrate an already miserably tickly sinuses, because mid-way through he can't help but sneeze helplessly into the fistful of napkins. 

"H'AEHchhff!"

His body wrenches with it, the muscles of his back tensing under Vash's side. Vash feels like he's going cross-eyed. As much as he likes the closeness, it's about to become a problem very soon if this doesn't let up. He shifts in his seat and tries to angle his hips away from the other man as much as he can.

"Bless you," he manages.

Meryl looks amused, "What's gotten into you, Wolfwood?"

"You telling me you guys don't fucking smell that?" Wolfwood bites back, his voice slightly muffled from the napkins as he continues to wipe at his nose. 

"Smell what?" Roberto asks. 

"I do," Vash says, eager for at least a slight segue in the conversation, "There's something in the air for sure. I've been noticing it for a while."

Meryl tilts her head, "I guess it does smell a little funny."

"Whatever it is, it's driving me fucking crazy."

Vash swallows. Someone else is piloting his mouth when he says, "You must be really sensitive."

Wolfwood lowers the napkins and shrugs noncommittally. He dabs at his nose, which is most assuredly turning the shade of a ripe peach, with the sodden napkins. Vash's heart gives a little pang. Suddenly, he remembers he has napkins too. He can't even remember the place they last stopped for food, his memory before this ride is all white noise at this point, but he knows he grabbed some.

"Here, Wolfwood," he says, digging into his coat and procuring some neatly folded napkins.

Wolfwood gives him a smirk that unfurls something in his chest. "You holdin' out on me this whole time, Blondie?"

"I just remembered I had them," he answers truthfully, "Sorry, I would have--" He trails off as he watches Wolfwood's expression quiver. There isn't time for a napkin exchange, Wolfwood is already wrenching away from him and this time opting to sneeze directly at the floor. 

"h'YIISHZSHh’huu!"

"Can you sneeze any quieter?" Meryl complains. 

Yes, he can, Vash thinks as his brain knits itself back together. He hands over the clean napkins as Wolfwood blindly reaches for them. He gets ahold of them, but doesn't even attempt to get them to his face in time to catch the second sneeze that barrels out of him. He shakes his head like a dog and whips towards the floor again--"H’AEEHHSSEZCh'yue!"

It's even louder than the first, and Vash wonders if that was just to spite Meryl.

"Bless you," Vash murmurs.

"Thagks," Wolfwood says as he straightens up and finally puts the new napkins to good use. He blows his nose almost comically, as if he's trying to make as much noise as possible. But given the way it sounds, Vash thinks that at least isn't for show. He's just genuinely trying to clear whatever's bothering him out of his sinuses. 

When he's finally done, Wolfwood wads up the napkins in his fist, gives a dry, irritated sniff and touches lightly at his septum with the tip of his ring finger. 

"Feel better?" Vash dares ask. 

"Yeah," Wolfwood gives an experimental sniff, "Think it's gone now."

Vash is equal parts relieved and disappointed. He smiles in the former and nods. 

"Good. Hopefully we'll be out of this area soon," he says encouragingly.

Wolfwood nod and turns a languid glance out the window. Vash studies his expression, holding his breath in fear of another telltale sign of a tickle. But nothing happens. Wolfwood's face stays serene. If not for the hue of his nostrils, one might not think anything had occurred at all. 

Vash allows himself to let down his guard. He rests his head against the window once more and actually closes his eyes. Blood is beginning to redistribute. His heart rate is going down. The pleasant coolness of the inside of the vehicle is doing wonders for him and he's grateful for the little seam open on the window letting in some of the air. It plays with his eyelashes and the tips of his hair as he lets the new quiet soothe him. 

Fifteen minutes later, Vash is on the edge of sleep, just about to plunge through when he hears Wolfwood sniff.

[tparker48]

Request for Footslave-macro

This week has been the greatest time I've ever had with my boyfriend. He may be a shortstack compared to me, but he certainly can be a handful. First hand, we’re trying to try out new things when it comes to sex. I like to top, a lot. But I can't exactly have sex normally with him, he’d be a hot dog in 5 minutes. But..one day we both happened to have found a solution to that.

 I was just sitting my ass down upon the couch, when I started to feel some wiggling. Getting up, I've come to find Ricky, shoulder deep against my backside. Pulling him out, I expected him to panic, but instead he wanted more. Granted, I said no at first, but he had a way with words. something' changed that day, and as time went by so did I. I don’t know how far the two of us will go but -

"Mph Mph!"

*Omali paused his typing as he scooted back from the chair, moving the covers from his lap as he sat nude. Tilting to one side, he parted a cheek as Ricky rested inside, his shoulders against his crack as the glutes hid his head from sight.. Placing a hand upon his shoulder, he scooped him out as he gasped.*

"How many times I gotta tell you? Don't wait until you’re quakin' to let me know you want up" Omali said.

"Sorry hun, but I couldn't help it. Your ass is too good!" Ricky huffed.

 he moved in for another whiff, but Omali's fingers plucked at his head. "Hey, focus on breathing first. I don't want ya passing out like ya did on memorial day." He said relaxing his fingers as Ricky’s head bounced against his ass.

"Fine, I'll do that." he said softly, tilting his head sideways to breathe fresh air, but Omali’s  ass as he felt the breeze from his nostrils across his flesh.

Omali rolled his eyes as he typed at his computers. Eager to let his fans know the predicament his younger boyfriend was in. But his words wouldn't register, finally sending the post into the save draft before he got up. "Damn, dun lost my train of thought."

"Perhaps I can help out?" Ricky asked, his head swaying between the surface of Omali's asscrack.

"You're not exactly a blogger hun. But I'll give ya pointers for some later. For now, I can't get myself walkin' with your head dangling behind me." Omali dug his hands into his beefy cheeks, ringing them just enough to pry the flesh apart. He felt the cool air take to the inside, warmth escaping as his musk filled the air. But it wasn't the only thing that filled it, as sniffs came from behind him. “Of course you are.” He rolled eyes playfully “go on, get in there.”

he pinched at his head, escorting him back inside as he pressed him against his pucker, the cheeks chomping down as they jiggled together. "Finally." Ricky muffled.

"Ai.." He firmly pressed as Ricky's head hugged into the crater of his crack. He could still feel his breath brush inside his hole, bypassing through the orifice as they climbed up his rectum. "Ay, quit blowing bubbles up my ass, I'm not some balloon you know." He clenched as he sent the bubbles back out. It's exit was messy,  fluttering out from his ass in bursts before it simmered. Ricky's moans followed along with them, but muffled as Omali flexed his ass together. He shuttered over the vibrations over his glutes, moving over to his shorts as he pulled them over his rear. "Alright Ricky, we got grocery's to get. You want to take a break and get something, or do you just want to eat ass all day?"

He paused as he widened his legs, observing the outline of toes stretching into his shorts. A muffle soon responded, movement stirring as he felt Ricky's face nuzzle into his hole, his nose sticking between them as he felt the bits of flesh sink into his nostrils. 

"Ass it is, who would have guessed." Omali smiled. With another squeeze, he made his way out the door, but left the keys to his car on the dresser. Why waste time driving, he couldn't risk smothering Ricky again. No, he was going to walk this time. At least then it'd make his ass more slicker to adjust him accordingly.

—------------------------------------------------

over the course of the week, Omali and Ricky's intercourse slowly evolved. From minutes of him sitting on turned to hours, morphing from when they're alone to when they had a chance. The following week, Omali prepared for guests that were coming to visit for the football game this evening. Prepping the drinks, he sat them down before resting on the couch. "The preparations are almost complete Just gotta get the food set and-"

He stopped when movement lingered below him, tilting on his side as he felt Ricky's head wiggle to the surface of his ass. Lowering his pants, he exposed his ass to the open air, Ricky slowly popping out from the mounds as he looked around. "I suppose it's a better time than any to get your break in, Ricky."

"Gotcha, I was meaning to get something to drink before the game started. But I couldn't resist keeping my seat warm." He nuzzled Omali's ass, rubbing in a circular motion as the asshairs along them brushed between his fingers. 

"Mmm, that feels good." Omali huffed, leaning his backside closer to his smaller boyfriend. He felt his hand sink deeper, massaging over his pucker as the folds nipped at his finger tips.

"Don't tell me a little finger play has got you excited hun, I barely moved."

"Hah, you of all people should know that won't get me hard." he reached over for a water bottle, handing it to Ricky. 

"Yes yes, I know. You like it deep and intimate."

"You got that right."

A knock on the door interrupted them as Omali looked toward the shaded window, shadows dancing around as they awaited to be let in. "Looks like they're here." He reached back as he grabbed the bottle from Ricky. "I'll be taking that."

"Hey! Come on, I wasn't finished yet."

"You want to finish your drink?" Omali smirked. He pinned the tip of the bottle before he lowered it behind himself. parting his cheek part with his free hand, he nudged his thumb into his hole, pushing the bottled water between the meaty orifice. With a squeeze, the fluid inside rushed into his rectum, the last drop slipping inside before it slipped out of its grasp. "Go and get it."

"You sly dog, i figured you would try that."

"Its like you said, babe, I like it deeply. So.." He parted his cheeks against, water seepimg from his pucker as drenched his shoulder. "Get to diggin'"

"Oh ho, I'll so get you back for this." He simply said. With that, he leaned forward as he nudged his face into the hole. blocked by water, it spilled into his hair as the ring quivered. But Omali helped him out, pushing into him with a finger as the ring climbed up to his neck. It was only until his pucker touched his shoulder, did he stop.

"Well, I await to see what you can do." he clenched his ass to bring Ricky closer, hoisting his pants back up as he got up from the couch. "For now, I've got guests to greet."

He went toward the door and greeted the guests, escorting them all to the living room before he went for the food. An hour had finally passed as he sat in his lounging chair, the folks around gossiping on who would win the cup. But that wasn't what Omali was focusing on, his attention drawing to his waist as his boyfriend stirred inside. With all the sloshing he felt against his walls, he'd almost thought he had a fish in there. But it seemed lesser than before, more flatter as the wall molded around Ricky's head. "Heh, he managed to drink almost all of it. Good for him."

He looked around the room to observe his guests' gaze, each glued to the screen as they chattered. Without them looking, he grabbed one of his sheets hanging off the corner table, covering himself before he reached a palm into his pants. He cupped at Ricky's back, fondling at his backside before he pinched at one of his cheeks. 

A moan escaped from inside him, the vibrations along the walls making him flex before he shifted around. "That's it..just like that." He thought deeply to himself. He placed his full weight into the sofa as he added more firm pushes. He always enjoyed the power trip he had over him, using his head like a plunger as he flushed his own ass. Pushing harder, he felt Ricky collide against his prostate, huffing deeply as his shaft poked out from his pants. He was quick to tend to it, forcing himself to adjust to hide his erection from the group.

But just as he flipped, he felt something small gloss against his walls, lips clamping around the bulb. "Cheeky bastard, he's sucking on it." Omali thought. He gave a clench to detour Ricky from doing it, but the rhythmic vibrations inside told him that wasn't going to happen. He felt Ricky's shoulder's cushion into his ass, his lips wrapping around the bulb as it clamped before a suction heaved it upward.

Omali felt himself start to leak, rushing to his shaft clog its ascent. But another clamp ushered his hand away as a grunt escaped from him, others looking at him as he pounded his chest. "Everything good Omali?" One of them said.

"Yeah, Yeah. Just sat on something is all." He pulled down the legs of the chair before he got up. "You guys continue watching, I'm gonna hit the john." He moved sideways to point his erection to the kitchen, making his way into the hallway as he closed the door to the bathrooms.

Taking off his pants, he grabbed Ricky's torso and heaved him away, feeling the lips around his prostate slide off before his hole expanded. With a pop, Ricky was back outside, his head coated with sweat and slime as Omali held him upside down. "Hmph." He laughed lightly.

"Told you I'd get you back for that." Ricky smirked, wiping away the slime climbing over his nose.

"Yeah yeah, I guess you did ya dare daredevil." Omali admitted. "But now you got me riled up, and I can't go back out there with my shaft as pointed as an arrow." He climbed his hands up Ricky's body, grabbing his ankle before he brought him closer, his head rested against his sac. "So use that sucker of yours and put it to good use."

"Oh come on, babe," Ricky said. "If you're afraid of being caught, all you have to do is say so." Ricky rolled his eyes playfully, taking to his boyfriend's shaft. Omali stood there as he got into position, feeling his warm palms slip into his inner thigh as he scooped his rod into his hands. With a switch, he felt the head slip into his mouth, its suction sending it across his tongue before he felt the throat muscles grip around it.

He huffed as Ricky worked on his cock, his slick tongue twisting around the base. But Omali wanted more, it wasn't enough to satisfy him just yet. Switching arms, he moved his free hand to the back of Ricky's head, nudging it closer as he felt his nose cushion against his balls. "There it is" Omali huffed, his boyfriend's tenderizing its length as it burrowed deeper. "That's the stuff."

He moved his hips slowly, pullimg his cock halfway before he plunged it back inside his mouth. Speeding up, he felt fluid race through him, exiting from his balls as they raced through the tube. As the cock stiffened, he cupped at the back of his head once more, pulling him close as seed expunged from his cock. Squelches muffled from Ricky's throat, his adam's apple bouncing as he gulped upon the shaft. When the last drop left his slit, he exhaled as he pulled Ricky off. Satisfied as he hoisted him up to his face. 

"Did I mention how much I love it when suck." He smiled.

"Hah, almost every time I do it." Ricky smiled back.

Omali chuckled to himself, bringing Ricky closer as he kissed against his lips. But a knock on the door soon interrupted them. "Hey Omali, you finished in there? Halftime's almost over." A vlice said.

"Yeah, i'm just about finished." He replied. When steps lingered away from the door, he looked at Ricky, the younger boyfriend smiling as the two locked eyes.

"Well?" Ricky smirked.

Omali rolled his eyes. "What am I gonna do with you?" He tucked him back against his thighs, tucking his body beneath his cock before his head rested at his cheeks. Prying his cheek apart, he slowly pushed Ricky in.

"Be sure to sit harder next time, otherwise I'll go and suck your prostate mor-" Omali shoved his head between his glutes, swirling him around until his hole rested at face.

"Spoken like a true seat, just keep that tongue of yours coming and we'll see." he heaved his thighs as his cheeks engulfed Ricky's head. Pulling his hand out, he grabbed his pants and hoisted them up, turning towards the mirror. "God you make me look fat like this." He huffed, making his way out to the others as he closed the door.

[simplepotatofarmer]

saw your reply to the ask about black dog/rivals, so here's some questions! i'm not the person who sent the ask, but i have a bunch of questions anyways. sorry if you've answered them before

general:

what are their favorite forms of affection?

favorite plants, if any

who gets nightmares more (and how they help each other!!)

how do you think they'd react to the other betraying them

black dog:

(i haven't read that much of the stuff about your black dog au so sorry if some of this is just flat out wrong)

does anyone figure it out before techno

does punz know beforehand (assuming staged duo are still allies in this)

is...is there a grave for dream?? a pyre? a funeral? something of that nature??

do dream's former friends miss him at all. sapnap, george, anyone

does dream get any pets as laelaps

okay that's it

hope you are well! and good luck with nano!

(ps what does auhdh4auhdh mean? for a completely unrelated post. i know t4t is trans4trans but what does the acronym auhdh stand for. i have been wracking my brain to figure it out and....i just cant)

sorry this took so long for me to answer!! <3 <3

for general:

techno is pretty affectionate with his friends! he loves to hug them and sniff them and snorf them. he's a cuddle person. he loves to nap and hold onto his friends. he does try to play it cool sometimes but techno is a dork and he loves his friends. he loves to make grand gestures of gifts or declarations of friendship. dream isn't as obvious with affection. but he sometimes leans against techno or rests his head on techno's shoulder for a second. mostly though it's just the fact he's there and he'll always be there, y'know?

dandelions for techno, roses for dream!

dream. they're not very vivid, it's more like bits and pieces that makes it hard for him to sleep in the first place. he's a very light sleeper because of that. but the upside to having a large piglin friend is that he can basically act as a weighted blanket (phil also learned this, back in the day). having techno there helps.

this one is really hard for me because a main part of rivals duo is that they haven't betrayed each other. like, that is a key point. dream and techno both mention it, more than once. so if either of them ever did? i think it'd be a lot of complete denial. i think they'd try to come up with a reason as to why the other betrayed them. then techno would just. be sad. how did it end up like this? while dream would probably try to hide his sadness by saying he should've seen it coming.

okay, black dog questions!

techno is the first one to figure it out. he spends the most time around laelaps and he was also the one to spent the most time around dream out of all the people who are in consistent contact with laelaps.

punz doesn't know. that was kind of the whole point. no one knew dream wouldn't come back except dream. and dream wasn't planning on ever coming back. he wanted his death to be permanent but his limbo got to him after awhile.

there is! techno and punz bury him. only they know where it is. it's small. it doesn't have a name (they were afraid if anyone found it, they'd vandalize it). but it's there.

yeah, they do. but in the sense they've mourned him before this. to them, they've already lost him. they lost him before the prison, really. or at least during the prison arc.

he doesn't. or i'm not sure yet! but he's really focused on his job and he just doesn't have the time. i might give him something, though. i think he deserves to have a cat.

oh! and auhdh is just a shorthand way of saying that someone has both autism and adhd! both techno and dream canonically have adhd but i also headcanon them as being autistic. i just get that vibe from them!

[josnhoes]

What about Duke, Jason and Barbra around knak mc?

Duke takes his job as the family braincell seriously. Look he knows technically speaking Tim is the smartest. But he was the one in the family with common sense...aside Alfred obviously... so obviously *he* had the brain cell.

Well that's how he sees it.

His time with reader is spent with him take the role of fun but safe big brother. He takes you to age appropriate activities and enjoys them as much as you. (He snuck you to the zoo once. Sneaking because otherwise Damien would want to come and he wanted one on one time!)

As responsible as he sounds on paper he is still young so he doesn't plan for things like snacks or things to keep you occupied during car drives. He's not used to being around 6-8yr Olds. He isn't bad he just doesn't have the full bordering dad/mom/parent brain going.

Jason is the cool brother who borders uncle that parents *don't* want you to be around. Which just makes you want to be around him more. Well that's the energy he has. Actually he's fairly responsible. Makes sure you eat, keeps you safe, other then that he let's you do what you want. With him watching over you though.

Absolutely teaches you to fire a gun and how to steal from people. Just don't tell Bruce. Might even get you a custom small gun in your aesthetic.

Not just scary dog privileges, you get Feral scary dog privileges. He never *ever* wants you to suffer like he has. If the Joker even sniffs around you he will absolutely kill him. Sure he's trying to make good with Bruce again, be better. But your safety is more important.

And obviously as yanderes the batclan would see his point, and while they scold him lightly they'd actually get over it.

Barbra always enjoys when more girls are added to the family and you're just so cute! Likes to teach you about her role as oracle low key hoping you'll pick up the mantle someday. It'd be much safer then you going onto the field. *If* anyone would even let you.

You're kind of her little flying monkey. You help her find blackmail...I mean cute family memories to save.

Very happy to help nurture your hobbies and help with any class work. Though she will admit you rarely need her help with your normal class work. Such a smart baby sister!

Is the most concerned for your mental state. Because she looked you up and there was no adult with your name where you claimed to be from. So obviously you were never an adult. It leads her to wonder where you got that idea. Is it some sort of mental block you use to protect yourself? Something you were taught so your parents could just have you taking care of yourself? Why did they think you needed to understand taxes? Regardless it's signs you had a neglectful family so she and the family will just have to step up so you can be a kid again!

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Do you have a headcanon list for the rest of the team's lynx flavors! Leather and Cookies can't be to the taste of all of them!

Let’s be real, nonny – of course I don’t. I mean, who has that? Really, who?

Well, yeah, okay, I do, but only because you asked and because I very randomly happen to be in Dublin* for the week and had the opportunity to stop by Boots and sniff all the Lynx stuff they had (which did not include Java or – to my great disappointment – Leather & Cookies) and take notes, which didn’t earn me any weird looks whatsoever.

The things I do for love.

Anyway. We know Jamie is a jack of all Lynx trade and that Colin favours Leather & Cookies. As for (an non exhaustive list of) the rest…

Isaac – our captain of righteous rage and impeccable taste could never choose anything but Africa, advertised (however misguidedly) as the G.O.A.T of scents. There’s sweetness and spice and fresheness reminiscent of good gin hovering over a woody base – it’s not outrageous by any means, but it’s not boring either: nuanced and reasonably mature, it’s a scent worthy of the footballer with the most fashion sense of the entire team. Has enough gravitas for a captain, too, but without weighting him down.

Sam – leans into the quietly playful notes of Excite; it’s a fairly standard pour homme scent but the hints of coconut (almost edging into sweet liquorice) gives it a little twist, turning it warmer and softer than your average man deo. Perhaps it wasn’t his own choice, originally – I can see Simi gifting it to him, and Sam going no, okay, this works.

Dani – would pull off all the muskier and spicer scents so beautifully but is ultimately (and perhaps unfortunately) attracted to the bright fruit of Epic Fresh. It’s vivacious and sweet and unapologetic about being happy and unrefined; carefree, like Dani when jogging onto the pitch.

Jan – has decent taste but does not care to spend too much time thinking about his deodorant; he selects the simple but not basic fruit and wood combination of Black, and sticks with it. It’s a good enough choice; it’ll do and offend no one (and if it does, Jan Maas will not give a fuck because he has more important things to worry about).

Bumbercatch – goes for the sickly sweet, bright pink and unpleasantly chemical Recharge only to confuse his enemies. “What enemies,” you might ask, but our man Bumber simply gives you A Look and does not answer.

Zorro – just likes chocolate, okay? He’s in tune with his emotions and desires and wearing Dark Temptation makes him feel good. We should none of us begrudge him that.

Richard – spits at your Lynx and your hamster of a mother and elderberry-smelling father. His deodorant is expensive and French and rather discreet because he doesn’t want chemical smells to overpower the sublime taste of wine and also there’s something primally attractive about the natural human musk and why would you ever want to drown that out?

Jeff Goodman – selects Icy Chill because he believes the cool menthol notes makes him seem like a tought guy. They do not.

Cockburn – is a man of few words and a gentle heart. He prefers Gold, both for the warm spiciness of its deep wood and vanilla tones, and for gold of it all. It makes him feel a little special, in a quiet sort of way. Cockburn doesn’t really need more than that (at least not from a deodorant); he knows what he’s about and what he’s worth, and if you do not? Not his problem, baby. It’s a solid, simple choice for a solid, simple man.

If I were to assign Java (unsmelled) to anyone, it'd be to Sasha Kukoč because he's my very special secret darling and is (supposedly) young enough to find 90s retro hot.