#but it’s also proof that sam can’t properly communicate his emotions for shit

[wormieapple]

the one thing i will never forgive sam for is the fact that he lied through his teeth to dead kevin’s gosht that he’d get over his shit. to kevin???? poor dead kevin???? ur gunna lie to???????

[valkyriesryde]

The Dynamic Between Us

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader (with a hint of Sam Wilson x Steve Rogers because I can’t help myself)

Summary: You need a ride and god forbid you have to call Bucky in your time of need. That damned man and his stupid ways of being in your life.

Warnings: angst, happy ending, fluff, cheating (but not between the pairing), sad boi hours with a sprinkle of miscommunication because we a sucker for that kinda trope

Word Count: 2,900....

A/N: This is for @flowerymoonlight ‘s challenge which was uhh a couple weeks ago I’m sorry babe lmao but it’s here! The theme was enemies to lovers and I tried my best. It’s also for @stuckonjbbarnes Fluff vs Angst challenge, the prompt is bolded. I hope y'all enjoy!!

Masterlist

I can’t call Steve or Sam because it’s date night.

I can’t call Wanda she’s with Pietro

I can’t call Natasha, she’s having dinner with Clint and his family.

Goddammit!

I don’t want to call him

I have to

I don’t have a choice

The contact sat on your phone as clear as day though you struggled to actually read it properly through the water in your eyes. You could still tell who it was, your last option, the one you really didn’t want to call but damn you had to.

Calling Long-haired Roommate

“Hello?” The deep voice answered, slightly annoyed and you knew he was annoyed it was you calling.

You struggled to control your breathing enough to answer him, the sob sitting in your chest heavy as you held your hand over your mouth to conceal it.

“Hello? Dammit, did you buttdial me, fucking hell, why me? Come on ma-”

“Bucky?” Your voice strangled and desperate.

“Doll what the hell?” He still sounded annoyed but there was a hint of worry, it can’t be.

A deep breath and you closed your eyes, trying not to think about the events that led to you sitting in your car balling your eyes out and calling the one person least likely to help you in any situation.

“Um, I’m having car issues and I wouldn’t be calling you if I didn’t have another choice, can you please just come pick me up?” You rushed out the lie in one breath then held another in to stop the tears.

“What about Jake?”

Don’t say his fucking name.

“He’s at work, can you please just come and get me?” Another deep breath, control yourself. “I'm frustrated and I-I just need you to come pick me up. I’m outside his apartment…” Your voice was strained and Bucky had a feeling something was wrong, you knew he did, you were never the best liar but you weren’t ready to say the truth out loud yet or admit it happened to anyone, especially him.

Nonetheless he begrudgingly agreed and so you waited in your car for your knight in shining armour...or well Bucky in his beat up pick up truck.

When you heard the truck pull up next to you you immediately got out and made your way to his passenger door, you were already standing in front of the car when Bucky got out of his side and that’s when you saw it, the jumper cables.

“No,” you groaned and he furrowed his brows at you.

“What do you mean no? Your car isn’t working, this is literally my job to find out what the problem is and fix it…” he trailed off as he walked towards you and his eyes caught sight of something behind you. The confusion on his face was replaced by rage and Bucky shook his head. “Are you fucking kidding me?! That’s Jake’s car! What, you got into a fight so you didn’t want to call him? Fucking hell, I’m not your goddamn chauffier!”

Bucky turned around and threw his cables into the backseat of the car but he paused before he got back into the truck. He was a second away from driving away, from leaving you here because your boyfriend lived upstairs and you were a goddamn adult who should be able to communicate with your significant other. But in that second you didn’t reply with a snarky comment, you didn’t tell him to fuck off, you didn’t tell him Jake was a dick, you didn’t say anything.

When Bucky turned around he saw you standing there, your eyes staring blankly at him, your chest moving rapidly and he realised you were crying.

“Your car is working isn’t it?”

You nodded, Bucky stepped towards you again.

“Jake’s not at work is he?” You shook your head, Bucky stood in front of you now, toe to toe and he looked over his shoulder and saw red.

“Right then.” He pushed around you and stormed towards the building’s entrance, his hand on the hand as you could grab his other arm and stop him in his tracks.

“Bucky no please, it’s nothing okay I just want to go home.” You continued to cry and beg him to just leave this godforsaken place and he was so tempted to brush you off and storm up there and give Jake a piece of his mind but when your hand slid into his it was like the heat of his skin cooled and his mind started to become clear again.

When he looked at you he saw you like he never had before, you were small, you were broken and you were pleading for him to just do this one thing. Why did he want to stand up for you? Why did he feel so protective over you? Why can’t he just be his normal asshole self and take you home?!

“Okay, but I need to know what the fuck is going on?” He demanded finally.

“I’ll tell you okay...on the way home.”

Sam and Steve were out, they would be until midnight at least, date night always went on forever for them. It was currently just past ten as Bucky drove through the near deserted streets home, it wasn’t a long drive, ten minutes or so.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” you asked into the silence that sat around the two of you.

Bucky gripped the steering wheel he tried so hard not to be angry, you didn’t want that but fuck it was hard not to turn the car around and pummel the guy.

“They’re going to want to know what happened,” he muttered and glanced over to you, you’d stopped crying but it was so obvious that you had been. “I won’t tell them, but what are you going to tell them?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “we broke up, it wasn’t working. Isn’t that enough?”

“They’re nosey, they’ll want to know and they’ll probably figure out that there’s something else-”

“I don’t care Bucky!” You yelled as he pulled into the carpark. “I really couldn’t give a shit what they think or what they want to know! I got cheated on. Is that what I should tell them? I walked in on him fucking a girl on the table and he said it was my fault. It’s my fault, I pushed him to it, I’m the one that should be to blame. Is that what you want me to tell them? Tell them how he told me he was sorry,”

Bucky got out of the car and walked around to your side, you sobbed and tore off your seatbelt, throwing open the door and slamming it shut behind you.

“About how he suggested we have an open fucking relationship? You know what Bucky? Thanks for picking me up but I don’t need your fucking opinion on what I should do! When have you given a shit about what I do?!”

Bucky ignored you, you yelled and cried at him and he ignored you. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling.

“God you’re INSUFFERABLE!” You yelled, then he held out his phone for you to see.

“What? When is this from? Is this about me?” He took the phone back and put in his pocket, he shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the truck.

“Couple weeks ago. I saw ‘he who shall not be named’ out with a group and he and this one chick looked too close for my liking. Steve said I was probably overreacting so I forgot about it until now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I never trusted him to be honest-”

“Bucky what the hell?!” You yelled again, you kept yelling at him and you couldn’t stop, your emotions were on high. “You knew?! Steve knew?!”

“No. You’re not listening to me.”

“Then explain it?” You folded your arms and Bucky had the audacity to chuckle, he reached out and pried your arms apart, his hands running up your sides.

“I didn’t like what I saw, but I didn’t see anything actually out of the ordinary, I just wanted a justification for despising him that wasn’t my jealousy. Steve said it was probably nothing, he didn’t think anything of it either and played it off like I did, I was jealous.” He sighed as his hands came to the top of your shoulders, the base of your neck, your jaw and he was standing chest to chest.

“I don’t need this right now, you picked the worst possible time you know that?” You pushed him away and pressed the palms of your hands into your eyes, Bucky didn’t stand his ground, he stepped backwards and let you have your space.

“You called me, remember?”

“You were my last option.”

“You still called,” he shrugged, “and I came running, like I always do. I know this is shit timing but are you blind? You know who told those chicks in senior year to back off? Me. You know who almost got expelled in our second year of college because two fratdicks wouldn’t stop harassing you at a party? Me. You know who got and made that bookshelf you love so much? Me.” Bucky began pacing, you watched him in shock, you had no idea.

You thought it was Nat in high school, she was always threatening to do something. You thought the frat boys got bored and left you alone but Bucky had gotten them to back off. You thought it was Steve and Sam that got you the bookshelf for your birthday, you gushed about it for weeks, but it was Bucky. It was Bucky.

“You could have told me? You could have said literally ANYTHING Bucky!” You were crying for a whole nother reason now, no longer about Jake but Bucky, about all the years you could have had any sort of positive relationship with Bucky, if he hadn’t let you believe that you despised each other.

“I WAS SCARED!” He yelled and turned his back to you, he heard the garage door at the top of the ramp start to open and his eyes went wide as he turned and stepped towards you. “I was scared and so I lied and I’m sorry for that. I don’t do feelings very well and I didn’t know how to express them except for actions but then I hid what actions I was doing because I was scared. Now you know, I’m sorry it was shit timing but I’m not going to let you believe what Jake did was your fault when I’m standing here living proof that you don’t deserve to be treated like that because it’s his fault. He did that.”

The car came down the ramp, its lights blaring through the windows of Bucky’s truck and came towards the two of you before slowing down.

“And you wouldn’t?” It pulled into the spot beside his truck, Steve’s spot.

“No, never.” Before you could say anything he stormed past you and into the stairway, he ran up the stairs two at a time until he got to his floor but he couldn’t bear to open it and walk into your apartment. So he sunk to the floor against the wall and waited for his heart to slow down and his mind to stop reeling.

“What’s going on here?” Sam asked with a smirk but it quickly dropped when he saw your tearstained face and Steve rushed towards you.

“What happened?”

“Jake and I broke up,” you said looking at the stairway, “and Bucky picked me up because I didn’t trust myself driving home.”

“Oh darling,” “you could have called us,” they both enveloped you in a hug, you stood there in their arms for a few minutes and then the two men guided you towards the elevator and you went up to your shared apartment.

No one mentioned Bucky’s running off. Not until you were walking down the hallway and Sam asked if you had gotten into a spat, you brushed it off and said “yea, I should probably apologise,” but he wasn’t in his room, he wasn’t in the apartment.

“He’s probably just cooling down, maybe he’s on the roof? He’ll be fine.” Steve told you but you could tell he was worried too.

The stairs were the only way to the roof, you only made it to the door and then you saw him, through the little window, leaned against the wall with his eyes closed. You slowly opened it so as not to startle him but Bucky’s eyes opened as soon as he heard the door and he watched you close it behind you and sit next to him without a word.

One beat, then two before either of you spoke.

“I used to have a massive crush on you,” you said quietly, “in highschool, way back when. But you were off limits in my head because you were a part of the group. Then we started this whole banter dynamic that we have, and then it just kept going and you got with Dot and then she did not like me and so our relationship took a hit. When you broke up it wasn’t quite the same. Our banter was a lot angrier, there was less joking in it. Then it just never went back to the way it was, we got into the rhythm of it I suppose.” Bucky’s eyes were on you and yours were on the wall as you spoke. “You have terrible timing.”

“I saw an opportunity,” he whispered as you turned to  face him. “You called me.”

“What did you do to almost get expelled?”

“Threatened large amounts of violence on campus...they couldn’t prove it but I could prove they were harassing girls, so it all worked out,” Bucky shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly. “I’m sorry I threw all that at you. I really am, I just-” “You saw an opportunity I know.”

“I wanted you to know someone does love you…”

“Bucky…”

“I know,” he stood up from the floor and held his hand out for you, “shit timing, I’m aware. You don’t have to do anything or say anything but I just wanted you to know.” You grabbed his hand and he pulled you up, waiting a second longer before letting go.

“I’m not saying no, or that I don’t think there’s anything there, but I’m not in the headspace to be making any sort of decision right now.”

“I know,” he smiled again and you cursed yourself for ever thinking he could hate you when he looked at you like that. “How about we start with stopping pretending we hate each other?”

“Sounds like a deal,” you laughed and the both of you shook on it.

Bucky pulled open the door, “you first,” he told you and you stepped into the hallway, he let it shut behind him but before he could make a move to walk to the apartment your fingers gripped his collar and your lips were on his.

Bucky was initially taken aback by it but soon enough you were moving insync and he had you against the wall of the hallway. His hands gripped your shit and held your waist. One hand goes into your hair to hold the back of the neck as the two of you part slowly, a shy smile on his face as your face is in a slight state of shock, you were expecting that reaction.

“I’m sorry I-”

“No don't be, I’m not mad about that,” you’re both whispering, like if anyone heard it’d be the end of the world, or like you’re in your own little world and it's only big enough for the two of you.

Bucky’s head dips again and his lips brush over yours, “I thought you said?”

“I know what I said,” and you capture your lips with his again. It’s slow and soft, different from before but the feeling is still there. It’s different from any other guy you’ve kissed, there’s no confusion about what Bucky feels as he kisses you, it’s like you can feel his love, his adoration for you in every movement of his muscles, in every touch of his fingertips and movement of his jaw.

“I thought the timing-” he backs away slowly but only an inch so he can look in your eyes, though his view switches around the entirety of your face and body between his and the wall.

“It is, we shouldn’t, fuck,” you start to panic and Bucky is there in a flash with his hand holding your jaw and reassurance on his face.

“We don’t have to do anything more than that tonight, for the next week, month, I don’t care.” He says with so much confidence that you almost miss the pain in his voice from knowing he still can’t have you after kissing you.

“What if I want to?”

Bucky chuckled and leaned his forehead against yours, “then I’m not going to say no,” he bit his lip.

“Can we take it slow?”

“Of course,” he steps back and his hands fall to yours as he pulls you towards the apartment door, “why don’t we go to your room, because your bed is bigger than mine, and watch a movie, or talk,” he shrugged his shoulders, “anything we want, and we’ll take it slow.”

He leaned against the door and smiled at you as you gleamed back, “that sounds good to me.”

“Maybe we should keep it from mum and dad though,” he gestures with his head and you laugh, agreeing with him.

“All in due time,” you smile as you open the door behind him. All in due time this will grow from the wounds and you and Bucky will find your footing in this new dynamic.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

Permanent Taglist [28/50]: @witch-of-letters @buckysmischief @marvelsangels @momobaby227 @weirdlyokaywithit @disgustangg @bucky-blogs @geeksareunique @stuckonjbbarnes​ @victorianvampirebf​ @mushyjellybeans​ @lovesmesomehiddles​ @this-kitten-is-smitten​ @itsunclebucky​ @kitkatd7​ @lokisironthrone​ @supraveng​ @thinkoutsidethebex​ @binkysteebnpewter​ @starbxcks​ @agent-barnes40​ @theannoyingnightmarecollector​ @starkerhowlter​ @fckdeusername​ @murdermornings​ @thefridgeismybestie​ @wonderlandfandomkingdom​ @aikeia​ @laneygthememequeen​

Bucky Taglist [6/20]: @bxrnsfeyson​ @brilliantbellesoares​ @chubby-dumplin​ @meganlikesfandoms​ @mood-pancakes​ @groovyhumantrashherring

[sleepymarmot]

MEA liveblog #7

Spoilers!

Multiplayer

This interface is a mess. I move my mouse onto "exit lobby" and it turns into "kick player". Buttons just jump around and transform all the time.

And the APEX mission shit needs to be fixed. When you select a mission to play, don't direct me to lobbies who play the same enemy/map/difficulty but not as the mission! Join lobby, see "custom", exit lobby, select "custom game", re-select mission, join, end up in the same lobby, rinse, repeat...

At least I can end up second when I join on wave 5 as a human vanguard lol

F Human Vanguard card!

Tempest

Non-custom weapons of different rank shouldn't exist as separate items in the inventory! Unlocking a higher rank should upgrade the old item like in ME3! This stupid inventory system exists solely because of crafting! If you need inventory limits so much, let them apply only to the crafted items! I've already complained about rewards being lost with no warning if the inventory is full and it's still bullshit! 

I crafted the N7 chestpiece! 25% shield on kill (of course), 5% damage resistance, 2% shield restoration, 2% health&shield regen speed, 2% max shield. I called it "N7 Slayer X". And turns out, it was dad's armor...

Oh right, it needs a new color scheme!

Havarl

I like this ex-STG, he's talking properly.

I don't like the sound effect from Annihilation -- it's like water in my ears!

Hey Peebs, how do you immediately know where the next piece is as soon as we pick the current one?

Kadara

Here's the bar fight. Animation is not bad but has no energy.

Told the asari dancer that I'm done here and she needs to talk to the dude herself, but the quest still sends me back to him -_-

Tempest

So, Kesh was adopted?

Okay, Kalinda is 100% Marjolaine. Peebee's personal storyline is even more copy-pasted from Leliana than Drack's is copypasted from Wrex.

Aya

So many sidequests again!

The Moshae's words about the definition of victory! That's the smartest thing I've heard in this game in hours.

It's really weird to hear her talk so sweetly to me... When we first met she didn’t seem to like me.

When Vetra said people were staring at her, I couldn't resist suggesting they're just all in love...

I suggested taking people who sold their Aya slots onto the Nexus. That's not even charity -- the same ambassador gave me a task to convince angara to come there anyway! So this would kill two birds with one stone.

For the visitor who wanted contact with his family, I had to reload. The options didn't even seem too different... Got it right for the other two: gave an honest professional answer about health issues, and a confident casual answer about finding work.

Great, now I have to head back into the city to buy stuff... This is literally a fetch quest lol

Eos

Omg, the Architect is in orbit now!

The Roekaar fight in an old settlement was very chaotic and fun with Flamethrower/ED/Lance, though it'd probably be easier to just charge

Tempest

Aaaand Jaal gives me his loyalty mission. It's funny that I'm going to do my own love interest's mission last...

Jaal's LM

I continue to be unimpressed with the Roekaar being pure antagonists. :/

Didn't shoot the guy, told Jaal he was badass.

Why are loyalty missions so short?

BTW Ryder just looks wrong in N7 armor... She's not Shepard, that's not her allegiance or her story.

Tempest

Jaal, just as we're leaving Havarl you decided to invite me for a visit down there?

Turian ark

Avitus has very stylish armor

For fuck's sake, Bioware, why do you hate gay men so much?

I convinced Avitus to take the mantle. It was a very sentimental decision for Ryder -- because her situation is very similar. Her SAM and the connection he had with her father are unique, but she didn't think of that in that moment.

Nexus

"Better to find your wings as you fly" Easy for you to say, Sarissa, your predecessor wasn't a loved one

Tempest

I'd agree with Peebee about relationship and baggage, but of course I felt obligated to take the romantic option

(I don’t think there’s an option to agree with her, though, so it’s only for the best)

Voeld

Liam, Vetra, don't fight!

Whoops, sorry for leaving you to die in the purification field, Vetra

...I liked the old color scheme better. Green light looks more alien, but less pretty.

Nexus

Final memory -- here we go!

My theory was that the Archon was somehow Ellen, but that made so little sense I didn't even write it down :D This is simpler.

BTW there's finally Shepard's gender we had to select in the beginning -- in translated subtitles :D Didn't hear it even once in the audio -- could it be Bioware actually took their foreign audience into consideration? :O

Honestly, it's weird that the Reapers info is so secret... From the OT I got the impression that Shepard was yelling about it to everyone at every opportunity...

Fine, fine, you made me emotional with Liara's message.

Shit, I was expecting this decision...

I feel pretty sad now. That's all?

Peebee's LM

Oh, so that's why she lives in an escape pod :D I thought this was only a characterization thing, not a Chekhov's gun!

I said I wasn't mad, though I was a bit. But I mean Ryder *is* mad but also having the time of her life so...

Shit I just shot Kalinda instinctively lmao

Ok I replayed the entire sequence and Idk. This is really the hardest choice in the game...

I'm tempted to say "Yes, literally" :D

Since it's so hard to reaload, it's fair game to watch videos before deciding for myself. Okay, "Yes, literally" is way too harsh.

Alright, this Ryder is not going to make Peebee sad, but I've already planned a Renegade-ish playthrough with a Ryder who values knowledge over everything, so... :D

(Btw, I love that MEA's brand of a more ruthless protagonist is not "uncontrollable brute" but "intellectual snob". As tedious as this game is, I'm already super eager to play character who has those values & takes urgency of tasks seriously.)

This mission is enjoyable and the choice feels maybe the most meaningful... But it has all the classic Mass Effect problems. Kalinda sends a shitload of people to murder us, we murder them, but when she's helpless and we have a finger on the trigger all of that suddenly doesn't matter. Sidonis all over again. Sure, murdering people begging for help is bad in a lot of ways, but she did just try to kill us, a lot of times... Plus, why the fuck can't Ryder jump over and catch the Remnant thing?! That needed to be a second, Paragon interrupt after the Renegade "shoot her." And Ryder is a goddamn biotic, as is Peebee, as is Kalinda! Peebee, Pull is your first goddamn skill! It'd actually be completely plausible if the artifact had shields and/or armor and therefore immune to Pull or Singularity -- but not giving the characters even an idea to try is just stupid!

Tempest

Inviting Peebee to live with together made me revisit my room and inspired me to make some changes. You know what, I'm going to play music in my quarters and change into the short-sleeved pajamas. It's my own ship, why do I walk around it in street clothes? The jacket is stylish but too much to wear at home. I wish we had a "formal" outift for Nexus/Aya/other hubs in addition to the "casual" clothes we wear on the ship.

Shit I went to read someone's post about Peebee's LM and caught a spoilers about the romance post-LM

Addison is right, getting pregnant in that situation was irresponsible

Ah the continuity in this game. "Found more outposts"? I have every possible outpost and all planets at 100%!

"On hold: Place an outpost" bitch where

Voeld

What, there's still a cold hazard?! What was the point of the vault, then?!

Whoa, so the angara believe exaltation not just kills their people but destroys their immortal souls? Wow! That should have been said by a major character during the main story, not by an easily missed NPC!

Oh great, I died and the game refuses to load the last autosave

Dear game. Why did you create four autosaves for the same second. All glitched. Half hour of gameplay lost... God please let the last manual save work. I was sure I saved in between, but just now my PC decided that we still have daylight savings clock change when we do not, and the timestamps on all recent saves are messed up. This especially sucks because I'm trying to rush Peebee's romance because I don't know when the sex scene comes up but I want to make sure it's not when my mom is home while I play it on her PC lol

Tempest

Fuck, that was cute! And Peebee did tackle Ryder, as promised! :D I wonder what she says through Zap in the platonic version...

Addison please don't say the baby screams "like a banshee". I fucking jumped.

"Before you say anything: no PDAs" :D

Level 50! Time to craft myself a powerful new Dhan. I've been running with rank three all this time...

I love that whenever you ask about Kalinda and then return to the general dialogue tree you say "Let's talk about something else" and Peebee responds "YES. Please."

Voeld

Alright, so: the kett leaders are dissatisfied with the Archon because he hasn't reported to them recently, the communication with the kett homeworld(?) might be disrupted in general and the Scourge might be to blame.

Tempest

Damn, SAM has a pretty insightful speech about death! The only thing that can't be rationalized after experiencing it, which is why it fascinates. I actually haven't heard it explained this way before.

My movie night quest hasn't progressed since I brought Jaal his device...

Eos

Ryder watching and playing football with two giant guns floating near her hips... omg

Elaaden/Kadara

What? I'm completely confused by all these identical salarians.

I don't understand this choice. He promises to give us the intel if we let him go... what proof do we have besides his word? And how would arresting him stop us from getting intel from his computer etc?

Reloaded to see both options, chose to arrest him

Havarl

I'm not hugging Jaal's mother wtf

Ryder has surprisingly good facial animation when Jaal shows his mementos

In theory Ryder should like Jaal for being such a nerd but the only thing he makes me feel is mild irritation. His interest in "taking things apart" is an informed quality just like his supposed emotional openness. It's not reflected in his dialogue or storyline at all.

And now I'm finished with all quests in the ally category. I wanted to finish the game asap, but now that we know the patch is coming on Thursday, I'll wait for it.

Multiplayer

Extracted from Silver for the first time as Human Vanguard (level 8, rank IV)! It was against Remnant, so Observers and Destroyers were the only problem. Nullifiers are ridiculously easy for a melee character -- like Ravagers, but without acid.

Got Krogan Vanguard from a pack. Will I have to tolerate the Rage overlay?

The first game with Kroguard was going well, he's got a stong melee even though he's slow... and then wave 6/upload/Kett killed us all :(

Completely unrelated to anything, but I just realized that if you pick the romantic option in the escape pod with Peebee, they don't actually have sex. Call me stupid because that's what Peebee's initial condition is, but I thought Ryder's response changed her mind! When Ryder said "Let's not rush things" I interpreted and meant it in the emotional sense, as "It'd be dishonest to hide that I have a crush on you, but you don't owe me anything, and if you don't ready for a Serious Relationship and Grand Romance yet that's fine because I'm not either, so let's just hook up and leave reflection for later" -- which I thought was pretty sweet and interesting? Because this whole relationship to me was built on the fascinating contrast between Peebee's emotional reservations and casual/flirty attitude, and conversely, on Ryder very consciously respecting Peebee's emotional space. Maybe I just fundamentally don't understand sex and romance lmao. But if character A propositions character B, character B says they have feelings for character A, and the scene promptly fades to black, I assume they do the do because that's how these things are filmed? Only in comparison with the other option, which is actually pretty explicit, it became obvious to me that's not what the director meant. I'm pretty disappointed because I thought it was a good subversion of Jack's "either sex or romance" thing in ME2. And it messes with my headcanon/characterization... I guess I'll have to retcon it into one of the two options. I'll probably go with casual, not romantic in that case. But I just read that Peebee will tell you she's glad you said no, so... :/

Multiplayer

Failed a Silver APEX mission agains the Remnant as a human vanguard :(

Got an asari sentinel!

The patch is here, but I can't launch the game now :( This needs some work.

Ugh, I stop playing for two days and have no motivation to pick the game up again...

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

The Great ATOG reread part 2

What even happened to the comic?

Chapter 9

Some familiar names are popping in: Shelby and Beth. This mission was heavy and for the first time, Phalanx pushed himself to the limit. But even though there’s heavy shit, there’s more heavy shit but on a smaller scale. I guess that is what superheroing means. On one day, you fight a group of mutant manikins and you sit with an abused woman.

You get more background: Mike and Tina.

iBorg also stops by but he’s kind of an asshole. You also get more clues about the Ghost’s background.

He calls over, "Are you apologising to mannequins?" Phalanx pushes his way to the front of the silent crowd, and grins at him from around a mannequin in Burberry. "It's kind of instinctive. Is - she -?"

Oh Phalanx, how I love you and your humanity (even though it will kill you, almost literally)

OH AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER

Chapter 10

Echo, Echo, Echo, part I of II, R, Ghostlanx AU: the Ghost is a real ghost, doomed to haunt the city where he died. It's a long dark night alone before a museum puts the remains of a Greek soldier on display - but it's a temporary exhibition, and in the length of the afterlife, they barely have the space of a breath to make it count.

Holy shit can I read this?

Anyway, the sex talk is back, but holy shit they also mentioned asexuality. (The Ghost is demisexual, but it’s nice they still mentioned asexuality). Apart from the sex talk, not much happened.

But how about the Honey Badger?

Heavy shit and the aftermath was very emotional (in fact, knowing this was coming threw me off-guard), but it all leads to the sex talk. It was emotional and such, but you know, I’m still just a lone asexual.

Well, at least Kurt met Cooper.

Cold Water

I AM SORRY BUT THIS IS TOO EMOTIONAL AND TOO HEAVY FR ME TO PROPERLY REVIEW HOLY SHIT FINN

Chapter 11

And here comes the dynamic between Draxie, BB, and Ghostly. The fandom goes deep and intense and I love the meta.

Kurt stares through the carpet, and says, very quietly, "I would die for him."

And I guess that’s true, especially now. 

Blaine knows.

He fucking knows.

Assuming that if you’re reading this, you’re familiar with the story, and therefor know that I can’t write down myself what happened to Kurt since - just like Blaine - it makes me want to throw up. I could talk for ages about this. About why we need to break the taboo. About why it’s never okay. About why we need feminism and holy shit yes that also applies to men.

But I can’t.

Chapter 12

The videos exists and Finn knows about them. This early on in the story, it might not look like it’s anything big but ohoohohhhh

Phalanx is on his own for a couple of days, and iBorg takes advantage of that, Luckily, Phalanx has learned by now. He’s also living with the aftermath of him knowing.

They both are dealing with it, especially when more information about Kurt gets revealed to you as a reader.

Chapter 13

"Didn't matter. You were my hero. Are. Still are. Always will be."

Sometimes, it breaks my heart how unwanted the Ghost felt. He never saw the adoration. It also breaks my heart that the fandom sometimes misuses adoration for their own benefit, but that’s Ghostly’s forte.

And BAM. Who’s there? SAM.

Oh Sam.

Sam, I fucking swear to god.

For the first time, Phalanx blurs the line between Phalanx, superhero, and Blaine, almost physical therapist. In ATOG, that’s not as big of a deal, but in Grey, this will almost kill him. The Ghost misreads the situation, and sure he was right, but it’s so sick how used people are to others sexually assaulting them. 

At least, there’s some sign of ligh in the darkness: Ghostly reccing Triptych. Never have I read such a wonderful and eloquent rec, and it’s not even real. This shows a completely different side of Ghostly. It shows her adoration, her humanity, and her feelings.

Chapter 14

There’s a lot of talk about sexual assault and rape culture in this chapter, and as a reader, you’ve been warned. The Ghost keeps revealing secrets. This time, he tells Phalanx what the readers already know.

And Phalanx is livid. And the Ghost once again misunderstands. 

But they’re not only the Ghost and Phalanx, they’re also Kurt and Blaine and oh shit, the bank heist is the living proof of that. 

They talk afterwards and Kurt finally gets that he’s misread the entire situation and Blaine’s intentions. This is still ATOG, not Grey, where they’re still really great at communication. They work it out and Kurt feels more safe than ever, which leads to the obvious.

omg he is now ACTUALLY WEARING WHITE someone go find that minister who said she'd marry them stat! XD