#but it’s also good bc if there’s one thing a nba fan is gonna do it’s be the worst person

[suggsnkisses]

Moriah Mills’ account getting suspended is nba twitters burning of the library of alexandria

[jrueships]

Biggest squicks with the nba fandom?

squick?? AW, that's a cute word!!!! im stealing that now, thank u anon! for squicks in the fanfom.. hm um probs colorism towards dark skins & its unseen seen effects . i feel this way toward Fandom in general and life lol. U'll see it everywhere of course.. huzzah..

anyways yea. i feel like the nba should have a way bigger Fandom on here as a sport, i mean. At least bigger than some. The players don't wear a helmet so u can see their emotions, their expressions! Everyone's taking high quality pics up close! The ball isn't the size of a pebble going 50 mph like in hockey lol. There's no helmets!!! U can see them!! Like! I love it! I love seeing faces! I love football but it's the celebrations that rlly make it, esp when it's a pretty wr who u just know is gonna take his helmet off and do smthing funny for the cam!

But that's also probably why it doesn't have a big tumblr Fandom .. u can see their faces .

Even if u couldn't, u'd eventually see most of them aren't white so. Yea .

And abt the colorism aspect, most of the players that do have a big Fandom are light skin. That's why im not the biggest fan for 'all x positions are x' bcs i feel like that's a big thing in football where all qbs are bttms. Which is funny, and i can see it! Im not trying to ruin ppls fun! But when u see how a majority of qbs are usually white for most of history.. and the ones that aren't get some attention if they look like Tua .. but if they look like lamar jackson.. good f'ing luck trying to find bttm fics for that even tho dude's got a bbl . Even tho i believe in switch supremacy for a lot of ppl (lamar included), i feel like i gotta fight for more ppl like lamar even being able to bttm at all.

Meanwhile ppl like luka or Joey b are just automatically always bttms bcs. Yea. They're 'pretty', so u just gotta apparently. But ppl will say jrue holiday is pretty! But does he have any fics at all of him bttming? Nah. Don't gotta for him. Hm. Wonder why ( I know) .

And with the rise of biracial nepo baby kids in the nba, some of them rlly gravitate to the pg position bcs it's like the head of the machine, and they think they can run that well with all the experience of their pops. So all pgs being bttms are kinda just gonna turn into that qb scenario where it's all light/white pgs are bttms and the other guys can be included thru spoken word sometimes but Def not on paper. And I hate saying this bcs i feel like a Debby downer or smthing. I'm not even trying to call out anyone or anything, it's rlly just a personal vent noticing thing that i can't point out specifics to, i can just say I've felt things.

Ppl go into Fandom to have fun! I'm not trying to police shit. This is all personal venting. But like im here to have fun too, and when u happen to be able to notice more stuff, u kinda just. Notice it. And it doesn't feel fun

And I'm not saying they're totally ignored, dark skin ppl in media. We're def modernizing somewhat . But when dark skin ppl usually ARE included, it HAS to involve a lighter sided person. And it's usually the lighter person bttming and the dark topping. And like i can get it, u know. Sometimes it's just the personality dynamic where the appearance happens to have that! But sometimes the appearance seems to overwhelm the personality aspect, or the personality just isn't showing that strength in the fic and it starts to feel. Weird.

I'm not saying all ships where the lighter one bttms are bad tho. I'm not. But I am saying that it fucking sucks to always have to fight hard against 'absolutes' when the absolutes are always against u . Like. Idk. When i had a luka ship with dennis (a black player whos not lightskin) and mentioned how Dennis was a bttm and all a sudden i got an ask abt how luka can't be a top . Like. Alright man.

U know, cus it's like. U'd never get someone defending idk. Jaren like that. Unless ure me Lol. But that's the thing, like it always has to be me or smthing against the world which is fucking stupid bcs i hate that thinking. It's so selfish! Which makes it less fun to be in the Fandom sometimes bcs it feels even more isolated in an already isolated space sometimes. But that's a personal thing. Anyways

Yeah. It's just tiring sometimes.

It's like the only ships that have white/black player where the white guy is a top.. the black guys GOTTA be a power bttm or SMTHING to explain it like. We have to explain why our beloved princess white guy isn't bttming to idk some black dude lol. But if u reverse that then the white guy bttm doesn't have to be a power bttm bcs no one blinks an eye bcs it already makes sense to them or whatever. Lol.

Lol ..

[blueiight]

How do you think Lestat's career and musical style for the modern era will be like? I am very curious about what celebrity musicians they are gonna use to base the personality and career of that man.

i love this question omg. and its pretty hard! idk how much of a need our modern age has for a david bowie& the like who clearly inspired the book’s rockstar lestat, especially considering that being ‘famous’ in our day & age goes by so quick. outside of beyonce & her cohort , maybe bts or them types , theres very few artists in our era i can think of that have that same sort of global reach.. when we also think about lestat’s motives for being the book rockstar lestat which were lestat antagonizing humanity and the old guard of vampires , seeking out the attention, love & admiration of his most beloved vampire/s to the point of one being a muse for a song of his, as well as his repeated insistence on ‘updating’ his brand of evil for the particular age hes in, in iwtv 76 which is in the 1800s vs. tvl-qotd in what was then the author’s/audience’s modern day the 1980s. the insistence on living by his own rules mapped to the era. an anachronistic bratty prince fr. i dont rly have a good sense on the exact style or inspiration behind the aesthetics or music style of a modern rockstar lestat would have , but my semi serious somewhat half thought out take on a modern show canon rockstar lestat’s career path could be that hed develop an ardent cult-like fanbase (but not a literal cult , just adjacent tactics. is it any wonder armand went to lestat+ gabi for vamp career advice) thatd hyperanalyze his every lyric, every outfit, whod blow him up to infamy in part bc his innate lust for controversy helps their very dedicated online presences. n what if he literally blows up on a mysterious concert night in chase center. fans develop theories saying the nba killed the vampire lestat and draymond green on his podcast is like wtf no hes literally a vampire. u have to wonder also how show interview would be perceived in a modern era which ive comically alluded to a few times, cuz another implicit aspect of lestat’s motive here imo was responding to what louis said+ generating a counterpart for the culture in response to the Vampire™️ posited by louis in universe interview. louis wasnt operating on the same knowledge of the vampire g code that lestat had, and u have to wonder how much show louis knows (or omitted, or suppressed by someone/thing) in contrast to show lestat.. so however the show’s modern era v analogous to our present responds to louie lou’s lil vampy book will imo set the course somewhat for our les and his novel writing band starting ventures.

[chadlesbianjasontodd]

Whyyy are you stalking players and going through their followings like a damn puck bunny blog smh embarrassing. Morgan didn’t say anything verbally to offend the gays why is this still a thing, half the league supports trump and fucked up politics, you’re just bringing in the typical white man-ness that comes with the league to try and beef up a situation that was already debunked.

did someone put all of my jokes about how people react to us being upset at a homophobic slur in a blender? did you go through the comments of everyone i blocked on twitter in the last two days and splice all of them together?? sincerely how did you manage to perfectly encapsulate every homophobic straight leafs fan reaction in an anon ask this short

anyway there’s a post ive been meaning to put out for a while now that’s gotten more relevant in the past two days, about public figures and reputation and why you’re not going to be seeing any “is this tv show my friend” takes from me. this seems like a good place to attach it.

you see stuff going around about how pro athletes’ jobs are just to play a sport, nothing else; i don’t think that’s true. being an nhl player or an nba player or an nfl player includes being a public figure, which means a certain level of appearing palatable to people who don’t know you. it is part of their job to look good in public, and it’s more than wearing a suit and signing autographs: it includes crafting an image of themselves that appeals to fans and sponsors. happily for them, there are people whose entire job it is to tell them what to say to reporters, what not to say to reporters, what they should and shouldn’t put on the internet, not to send any nudes, all that. a lot of what gets people in media trouble is being bad at the basic ‘don’t be a dick on the internet’ stuff that most of us do already, but if you want to actually get along well (and maybe have some privacy) you’ve gotta do more than that. you’ve gotta have a public face.

crosby just keeps everything locked down tight, which is an attitude i respect. ovechkin and even seguin these days have done well enough at crafting a media personality that people’s first or even second thought generally isn’t ‘he’s a big putin fan’ or ‘he’s a homophobe who’s bffs with that rapist patrick kane’. you look at ovechkin and you go what a wild guy! he’s hilarious! i love him! & seguin’s loveable rogue fratboy act has worked absolute wonders for him. then you have people like pierre-edouard bellemare, who are less famous and less grandiose about it but do a good job: bellemare stays quiet except for postgame interviews, uses his public twitter once in a while to promote charity work he does and that’s it. counterexample alex tuch is real bad at this (and hes a bad guy) but i’ve talked about him before so i’ll save it.

some sports organizations don’t think that an athlete being known as an abuser, a racist, a homophobe, is enough of a hit to their reputation to particularly care when their employees do such things; nevertheless, having a good name is part of an athlete’s job.

what athletes or actors or other celebrities think to themselves, what they do at home, what their family is like, who they’re dating – that’s not part of their job and it’s not my business. i don’t know these people! i don’t want to know them!

but what they attach to their public name. the way that they act towards people. that’s important and i do want to know. see, i have a certain amount of respect for people who are willing to fake it in public – they might be garbage human beings inside their own heads, but as long as they act right, then good for them. if they respect us all enough to put in the effort of lying, that matters. but when they don’t act right, or when they attach the unhappy truth to their name and their public reputation – when, for example, they yell a homophobic slur into a microphone during a hockey game, or they follow north america’s most famous professional misogynist with their official twitter account – that is my business, yeah. it’s everybody’s business.

does it matter whether or not it was rielly? no. not really. we know they’re all like this, however nice and rainbow tape they act during the month of june. so when it comes up like this we need to jump on it as hard as we can. once they’ve been scared into acting right, they can think whatever they want.

(also: anon, i’m not publishing your second ask bc i don’t want to expose people to more of this zero-calories homophobia lite nonesense than we’ve all already had to see, but if you say ‘homosexuals’ like a lutheran minister from indiana one more time i’m gonna show up at your house and i’m gonna bring a lot of derek jarman films with me)

[miketellszagz-blog]

Who-Should-Win-All-the-Various-NBA-Awards-&-How-You-Should-Feel-About-It-Column

The 2017 NBA season is almost over, which is sad. But, the 2017 NBA playoffs are almost here, which is good. Here is your 3rd Annual (slightly belated) Who-Should-Win-All-the-Various-NBA-Awards-&-How-You-Should-Feel-About-It-Column.

 1.       Russy Westbrook should win the 2017 NBA Most Valuable Player

FEELS: Collecting forty-two triple doubles &  averaging a triple-double while dragging the Oklahoma City “Steven Adams + Some Misfits” to the 5 seed is the most impressive individual season since….last year, when Steph made ten thousand three pointers, I guess. For perspective: when Lebron James won all but one MVP vote (some dumbass voted for Carmelo) in 2013, he was putting up 26p/8r/7a, while playing with 3 other All-Stars & the best supporting cast outside of San Antonio. This year, Russy is putting up 31/10/10 with the best supporting cast in all of Oklahoma.

The main argument you will hear saying Russy shouldn’t win is people saying triple doubles are overrated & arbitrary, and that we as fans & humans should not care about arbitrary statistical cutoffs. I don’t agree with it. It’s dumb. Just because a triple-double is arbitrary doesn’t mean it isn’t incredible. Also, deciding to not care about triple-doubles by calling them “arbitrary” is essentially an attempt to discredit the decimal system, which is bad, because the decimal system is important for counting things and doing math, both of which are linchpins of civilization & what separate us from the animals.

Also you may hear someone argue that some other player is more “valuable” to their team that Russy is to the Thunder. This is wrong because (a) it’s the stupidest, pendanticest, “kid-who-pushes-his-glasses-up-with-his-forefinger-before-talking”-est way to pick a league MVP & (b) nobody is more valuable to their team than Russy is to the Thunder. Russy for MVP.

 2.       Giannis Antetokounmpo should be your 2017 NBA Most Improved Player

He is much better this year than he was last year. He went from being “kid in Milwaukee who’s pretty fun to watch” to “first-team all-nba” pretty quick. Also, I spend a whole paragraph teaching you how to pronounce his name correctly & that needs to have some sort of payoff, I think.

 3.       Mike Dan Tony should be your 2017 NBA Coach of the Year

Mike D’Antoni never gets no respect, in my book. He invented the NBA as we know it today by turning a young Canadian man into two-time MVP Steve Nash, then went on to totally fuck up the Kobe-Dwight-Nash Lakers, both of which should be enough to put him in the Hall of Fame. This year he turned the Rockets into the 3rd best team in the league by excising Dwight from them & telling James Harden he’s only allowed to shoot threes.

 4.       Zach Randolph should be your 6th Man of the Year

FEELS: This award will probably go to Eric Gordon of the Rockets because this award has become “guy that doesn’t start the game but can still go off for 25 points anyway” award, which is understandable, but still. Zach Randolph doesn’t start for the Grizz anymore (this is because you need at least 4 people on the court who can jump, and neither Marc Gasol nor Zach Randolph are able to jump anymore) and he is better than Eric Gordon. 

 5.       Defensive Player of the Year: Rudy Gobert

FEELS: A lot of people want either Dray or Kawhi to win this award. Dray, because the Warriors are the best defensive team in the league when he plays, and they aren’t when he doesn’t. That’s a nuanced argument! The people who want Kawhi noticed that he’s the best at sticking to an opposing guard like a glove & making sure they don’t shoot well. That’s a simple but good argument! They’re both wrong tho. Rudy “the French Rejection” “Stifle Tower” “the Gobert Report” Gobert is better then both of those dudes (but with big dudes instead of guards). When Rudy is on the court for the Jazz, every other Jazz player just hangs out on the perimeter and prevents three point shots. They are all super comfortable letting their man drives, because if he drives, he has to run into Rudy, who will send him to the Shadow Realm. He also does a brutal job blocking the hell out of big dudes who try to post up on him. That is the point of the DPOY. So give him the DPOY. 

 6.       Rookie of the Year: Malcom Brogden

FEELS: Nobody really deserves this award. Joel Embiid only player like 30 minutes all season, Dario Saric is mediocre at best, Brogdon can’t shoot the ball, Brandon Ingram got bodied by the Buck’s shooing coach in a fight, Kris Dunn is somehow a worse shooter than Ricky Rubio, Yogi Ferrell wasn’t even on an NBA team until February, Buddy Heild plays for the Kings, DeAndre Bembry is only allowed to take 2 shots per game, Malachai Richardson is only allowed two shots per game & he plays for the Kings. But, of all the players who don’t super deserve it, Brogden doesn’t deserve it the least.

 7.       All -NBA First team: Russy Westbrook, James Harden, Lebron James, Kawhi Leonard, Marc Gasol

FEELS: As expected. The best players in the league + one center who’s just there because the rules say you need a center.  

 8.       All-NBA Second Team: Steph Curry, Kyle Lowry, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Kevin Durant, Boogie Cousins

FEELS: Boogie gets it bc you gotta have one of the spots be a center. Giannis is now eligible to get a billion goddamn dollars from the Bucks. Kevin might have made the first team if he didn’t miss a month of the season.

 9.       All-NBA Third Team: Mike Conley, Kyrie Irving, Blake Griffin, Paul Millsap, Anthony Davis

FEELS: I’m not super sure if Tony Davis counts as a center but I think he should & that’s what matters most. Also, Gordon Hayward, DeMar DeRozen, Hassan Whiteside & Paul George NOT making an all-nba team means that they will probably leave in free agency because they aren’t eligible for the super secret derrick rose max salaries anymore.

 10.   All-MTZ 1st Team: Russy Westbrook, Russy Westbrook, Russy Westbrook, Russy Westbrook, Russy Westbrook

 11.   All-MTZ 2nd Team: Richard Jefferson, Dion Waiters, Yogi Ferrell, Boogie Cousins, Jusef Nurkic

 FEELS: Richard Jefferson has no business being good. He’s old has hell, he’s balder than anyone else I’ve ever seen, his best season was 15 years ago when he played next to Jason Kidd on the Nets. But it’s 2017 and it feels like he’s the third-best player on the reigning world champion cavs some nights. Dion Waiters stared making all the dumb-as-hell threes he’s been taking his entire life & now somebody’s gonna offer him 15 million dollars a year to keep chucking next season. Yogi would be rookie of the year if the Mavs had signed him before March. Boogie leads the league in technical fouls. Jusef Nurkic was a bench player for the Nuggets, was terrible his entire time with them, and got traded for the Nuggets for Miles Plumlee, who is terrible. The Nuggets and Blazers played each other a week after the trade. Miles played terribly, because he is terrible. Jusef, who had never scored more than 12 points in a game before this, put up 33 points & 15 rebounds & trash talked his way through the post-game interview, which is super petty and super great.

12.   MTZ Hall of Fame entrants: I’m disqualifying these guys from MTZ mid- and end-year awards so I don’t end up only writing bout them for the rest of time: Vince Carter, Demarre Carroll, Zbo. FEELS: Vince Carter

I will hopefully write you a playoff preview soon.

[junker-town]

How Grayson Allen went from young Duke star to March Madness' most hated player

Grayson Allen's no good, highly controversial, apology-filled junior year made him the consummate heel, and that’s now Duke’s burden to bare.

Grayson Allen is college basketball’s consummate heel.

His petulance makes him stand out just as much as his talent and skill and all three have contributed to a roller coaster ride of a season for the junior, whose year was supposed to be more of a fairy tale.

Of course, Allen is not rare in being a talented, white, reviled player for Duke. He can get in line behind Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Steve Wojciechowski and J.J. Redick in that respect. Regardless of the differences in their actual backgrounds and their very different responses to being cast as March heels, Allen has become emblematic of the special brand of intoxicating smugness most associated with the Blue Devils.

That stereotype isn’t Allen’s doing. Duke’s a private school with an ivory tower rep that the men’s basketball team’s success only enhances. The role of Dook heel will always be there, but Allen hasn’t exactly done anything to shun it. And for those who just heard about the latest Most Hated Blue Devil you have to understand the history behind how Grayson Allen assumed the title.

This dates back to last season

As a sophomore in 2016, Allen tripped two players. He did so fairly blatantly and, in the second case, with a “who, me?” incredulous shrug in the Feb. 25th incident shown below.

It was a bad look, and as you can see in the first Feb. 8 incident, kind of a dangerous one.

As the team’s leading scorer and prospective captain, Allen knew he’d have all eyes on him and so embarked on an offseason apology tour in earnest last summer:

"I know there's never completely a blank slate,'' Grayson said. "That's going to be replayed and not forgotten about. But for me, every opportunity I get to step on the court is an opportunity to play the game again and play the game the right way.''

Allen could have been in the NBA by now. He was projected as a late first-round draft pick last season after averaging an efficient 22 points per game in the toughest conference in America. Still, he opted to return for his junior season to lead a Duke team that appeared to be historically strong.

Duke topped the preseason polls with the nation’s best recruiting class joining a strong group of returning starters. Allen was the most accomplished returning player in the sport, topping our preseason list of the top 100 best players in college basketball.

Allen broke out as a freshman in the 2015 Final Four to help Duke win a national title. With the decision to return to school, the narrative was set: Duke would again capture the national championship, and Allen would find redemption as the leader of the nation’s best team.

As we found out, some things don’t go as planned.

The third trip

In a non-conference game early in December, Allen tripped Elon’s Steven Santa Ana. It quickly became the biggest story in the sport.

He walked away mouthing “bullshit,” and exploded in what can only be described as a temper tantrum on the bench.

After the game, he gave a tearful apology. Coach K made Allen apologize in person to Santa Ana and the fallout was in motion.

Amid a media rally for punishment, Allen was suspended “indefinitely” after the game and had his team captaincy stripped. Guesses as to the suspension’s timeframe settled reasonably around three games, which would coincide with a trip to play a hot Florida State game on the road then a roadie at Louisville later that week.

Instead, Allen only sat out one game. And after Allen’s slap on the wrist he did this in his second game back.

It’s not a blatant trip, but Allen’s legs have certainly not earned the benefit of the doubt. Could you imagine the reaction if the Boston College player fell down?

Krzyzewski remained on the defensive about the punishment he doled out. In the very next game after the matchup with BC, Allen gave an FSU assistant a chicken wing as he dove into the bench diving after a loose ball.

It sure looks like Grayson Allen shoved a Florida State coach tonight: https://t.co/af8dZcvRzU http://pic.twitter.com/kIawcixl8W

— Henry Bushnell (@HenryBushnell) January 11, 2017

The coach, Dennis Gates, was very strong is his defense of Allen and wanted to leave no doubt about whether or not there were any hard feelings.

After the third trip, Allen’s entire season became a witch hunt. Each game was a referendum on his character and it came with the subtext of a disappointing performance for both himself and his team.

Neither Duke or Grayson Allen had the dream season they anticipated

This has been a season full of fits for the Blue Devils. The hype train started to derail early. Top recruit Harry Giles, who missed his senior season of high school with a torn ACL, needed another procedure on his knee before the season started. Fellow five-star freshmen Jayson Tatum and Marques Bolden also suffered injuries that kept them out the first eight games of the season.

Meanwhile, Allen failed to live up to his lofty preseason expectations, too. His scoring averaged has dropped from 21.6 to 14.1 points per game. His shooting percentage fell from 46.6% to 38.9%. His three-point shot, once a dependable part of his game, also dropped five percentage points.

It’s not entirely his fault. Duke lacked a point guard and Allen was asked to take on the role. Last season, as a shooting guard, Allen was at his best attacking the basket. Now he’s asked to set up teammates like Tatum and breakout sophomore Luke Kennard.

That’s another layer to his and Duke’s story this season — he’s not proved himself to be the best player on this team, and he might not even be the second best. As his antics took the spotlight, concern grew about the distractions being bigger than Allen’s output.

So where are we now with Allen?

Now, with a four-in-four spring to the ACC Tourney title and a leap to an NCAA 2-seed it seems like Duke’s performance might finally be outshining Allen’s buzz. Has he “been through a lot”? Sure. But the fact is Allen put himself in this situation with a repeated pattern of behavior. So in good fun, sure, we’re gonna get these jokes off. That’ll be a running thing among fans until the Blue Devils’ season ends.

"The Gipper vs. The Tripper" sign gets an A+ from me tonight. #NotreDame http://pic.twitter.com/WCCkjVwhQ4

— Ryan Schuiling (@RyanSchuiling) January 31, 2017

As far as his teammates are concerned, they aren’t exactly going to bury their guy publicly, and went on record with SB Nation at the ACC tournament supporting Allen. That support isn’t just for show. Allen hadn’t met expectations on a team who had a high ceiling coming into the season. But Duke can still win the national championship if the assembled talent rallies together.

Whether he helps or distracts, Duke will have to embrace all that’s good and bad about Grayson Allen.

[miketellszagz-blog]

NBA All-Star Voting Recommendations

Every year, the NBA allows fans to vote on which players they want to see play in the NBA All-Star game. Every year, I write the commissioner a strongly worded letter saying that this is a bad idea, because I am the only one with enough NBA expertise and basketball know-how to determine which players are the best & which players are the rest. Here is a copy of that letter & Adam Silver’s reply: TO: adamsilver@nba.govSUBJ: Voting Concerns Dear Adam, It has come to my attention that u are allowing fans to vote on which players get to start in the all-star game. This is a bad idea, as I am the only person with the NBA expertise & basketball know-how to determine which players are the best & which players are the rest. I urge u to see the error of ur ways & close the NBA voting portal & agree with me that I am the only person with the NBA expertise & basketball know-how to determine which players are the best & which players are the rest. I met Boogie Cousins once & he was very tall. Love, MikeNBA Insider/Blog OwnerMTZAWHITNBA&HWFAI His reply:FROM: mailer-daemon@googlemail.comSUBJ: Message Failure Delivery to the following domains has failed permanently: <adamsilver@nba.gov>. DNS Error. Address domain invalid. Could not complete delivery. We know u never met Boogie u liar. Domain name not found. So, it seems that the fan vote will continue despite my best effort. There have been 2 changes to all-star voting this year. 1. Players can now vote on the All-Star game, and the player vote will count for 25% of the ballot. FEELS: I fully expect players to attempt to sabotage the opposing conference’s team in hilarious ways. Suppose (as I do every night before I go to bed) that you are a player for the Detroit Pistons who’s getting some all-star votes. You don’t want the Western Conference All-Stars to be good, because then you’ll look dumb getting dunked on in the all-star game. So, instead of voting for the best Western Conference Players, you just vote for all the Phoenix Suns, because the Phoenix Suns are terrible. Too many conflicts of interests imo. 2. You can just vote for any ten players you want, instead of having the vote broken down by position and conference. FEELS: Great! I historically only voted for 4 Eastern Conference players (because the Eastern Conference is bad) & wrote in Barry Bonds as the last spot. Now, I can vote for the 10 players I love the most, regardless of position or team or even active NBA status. 

So, here are the 10 players you should be voting to the 2017 NBA All-Star Game. 1. Boogie Cousins: Boogie Cousins has promised to drop an R&B album if he starts the all-star game this year. There is nothing you or I or anyone has wanted more in this world than a Boogie Cousins R&B album. Vote Boogie. 

 2 & 3. Vince Carter& Demarre Carroll: my favorite players & therefore your favorite players. Vote Vince Carter because Vince Carter is the man. He’s 39 and still dunking like the Air Canada sponsorship never expired. Vote Demarre Carroll because Demarre Carroll is a long time MTZ fan favorite. The dude doesn’t have an Achilles! 

4.  Michael Gbinije: Clearly deserves some sort of recognition for knocking Dayton out of March Madness last year. He’s only averaging a half-point a game this year, but I expect that to go up next year when Scoochie, Charles Cooke & Kendall Pollard take the league by storm. 

5. Giannis Antetokounmpo: Giannis is doing wonderful basketball things, but people are ignoring this because his name is hard to pronounce & impossible to remember how to spell. Well, no more. Today is the day you learn how to pronounce “Giannis Antetokounmpo,” Zagz. To start, “Giannis” is pronounced “Yawn-iss.” You will remember this because Giannis is a Greek form of the name John, and John is a boring name. Thus, Yawnis. Second, Antetokounmpo. The easy way to remember this is that all of it of it is spelled wrong. Let’s break it down by syllables, starting with Ant. Nt is pronounced as a D, but there’s no D in Greek, so they cheated, and used nt, which does not sound like D at all, but, whatever. So the first syllable is Ad. Then, the E is in the wrong spot. The “eto” is pronounced “toe.” So, Ah-deh-toe. Anteto is Ah det toe. The M is silent. I don’t know why. Ignore the M. Ah-deh-toe-koun. Ah-deh-toe-koon. Then, lastly, the p is pronounced as a b. I’m assuming it was a typo. “Ah-deh-toe-koon-bo.” Easy. Yawniss Ahdehtoekoonbo. Impress your friends and family with this newfound knowledge. And vote for Yawniss. I’m not teaching you how to spell it tho bc even I don’t know. 

6. Chris Bosh: you gotta feel sad for him because he’s never going to play basketball again, and he loves to play basketball. (Secret NBA insider tip: Bosh may play basketball in a limited capacity next year, even though he will die if he tries too hard. You see, the NBA has very specific rules relating to player injury & health status. If Bosh doesn’t play at all this year (he won’t), the Heat can release him & his current salary won’t count against the cap ever again. [They still have to pay him, it just doesn’t count as player salary.] This would not only help the Heat be able to sign more players moving forward, but also keeps the Heat from paying the repeatedly-over-the-cap luxury tax. BUT, once released, any other team can pick him up. AND, if he plays at least 20 more games for another team, his entire salary counts again towards the Heat’s cap. He’s signed for 22 million a year through 2020, which is a huge chunk of cash to pay someone not on your team. The Heat would also have to pay a big-ass fine for this, because the rule assumes, if Bosh can play 20 games for someone else so soon, the original team is cutting Bosh jut to circumvent the cap.  The kicker is, the rule doesn’t specify minutes, just that Bosh must play 20 games. So, if you’re Chris Bosh, and you’re mad at the Heat for ending your career against your will, there’s nothing to stop you from signing with another team that hates the Heat (Mavs, Magic, Hornets), running around for 1 minute in the garbage time of 20 games, and dicking the Heat over for 3 years. Which would be super petty & immediately make Chris Bosh an all-time MTZ Fan Favorite)

7. Paul Millsap: why not

8, 9, 10: Russy Westbrook, James Harden, Kevin Durant: Yes, yes, yes. I know. James & Kevin are not MTZ fan favorites & I’ve told you to root against them many, many times. But. How funny would it be if the three former Oklahoma Thunder teammates were all starting All-Stars together. I’d never stop laughing. Plus, it’ll make a very great ending for the 30 for 30 on these three that’s gonna come out in twenty years. It’ll probably be called “Thunder University,” the name Durant coined for them (& poor Serge Ibaka) back in 2012 when they were all young & fun & together still. The documentary will end with a shot of them all on the court at the same time during the All-Star game, with the Sam Presti voiceover, “we just never could have predicted he would get so good, so fast.” Then credits would roll. So vote Russy/Harden/Durant to allow this to happen.