#but it wasn't obvious to me because my game and screenshots still looked good

[servospawn]

you can tell i have no idea how to play sims anymore because this whole time i had edge smoothing turned on and was none the wiser to it.

[mrs-kodzuken]

Christmas Magic ♡

Pairing: Aged up!Kenma Kozume x fem!reader

WC: 1.6k

Genre: mostly fluff, marriage, sexual tension

CW: fem!reader, lots of sexual tension at the end, long haired!reader

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

I scrolled on my phone looking through a baking app, skimming across it for new recipes to try out. I wanted to bake something for Kenma and I even though it was only one in the morning.

Currently, I was sitting on the counter in our beautiful kitchen. The bar stools were always an obvious choice to sit in but alas I loved our granite counter. I screenshotted three recipes for three different types of cookies to try out.

Gingerbread sandwich cookies, Peppermint patty-stuffed chocolate cookies, and some DIY YouTube emoticon cookies, those were for Kenma.

Speaking of my husband, he had told me about thirty minutes earlier that he was going to stream live. Which is most likely what he was doing right now.

I looked through the ingredients on the list and quietly headed upstairs to the second floor. Even though Kenma was an entire floor above, in his gaming room, of our three story house, I still tried to be as quiet as possible.

I mean, it was one am after all. Time didn't really bother Kenma and I because of our schedules.

Entering our bedroom, I grabbed a measure of clothing. Hat, scarf, winter jacket, sweatpants, and warm socks. Grabbing my snow boots from the closet floor I headed back downstairs to the door.

I looked up at the snowy sky and took a deep breath in of the sharp icy air, which felt like needles poking my lungs. Winter is here and it's my favorite time of the year.

Smiling at the decorative lights flashing on our house that we put up a couple of weeks ago. I started my walk to the closest market, I didn't want to travel too far just for some cookie ingredients.

Some of them we didn't have either. Hopefully, they'd be open because I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. And I needed something to busy me whilst my husband was streaming.

I headed in and heard the bell ding as the warm air from the small convenience store heated me up.

Immediately, I went to the baking and ingredients section. I tried to balance the objects in my arms while walking up to the front counter because I didn't think to grab a cart.

"Hello." I spoke to the cashier and carefully set my items down.

"Hi Mrs.Kozume, do you plan on making something this late?" The old lady had asked with a light laugh. The crinkles by her eyes creased and shown her age.

"Yes ma'am, I wanted to bake for my husband. He's working right now and probably won't be sleep for a couple more hours." I laughed with her.

Since I would always come here for plenty of household things, at any time of day or night, I knew most of all the workers.

"Ah, well I hope the two of you have a good night." She placed my ingredients in two plastic bags then held them out for me.

"You too. Thank you." I waved at her and opened the door, leaving as the cold air from the chill night surrounded me once again.

Not after hearing a mumble of 'such cute youngens.' I had quietly laughed to myself and continued my short walk home. Eager to bake and be in warmth again.

Passing all the colorful decorations of houses, I stared in awe. Small snow flurries had began to fall as well. Christmas is such a wonderful time, isn't it?

Finally coming close to a familiar decor, I quickly got inside. The coldness nipping at my nose and body as I shivered from it.

"Baby? Are you back?" I heard a deep voice fill the air as I took off my winter boots and continued to strip until I was in my regular house clothes.

"Yes hon, I went out to get some things." I answered my husband while hanging my big coat on the rack and leaving my snow boots by the door.

"Did you finish your streaming?" I questioned, tilting my head as he rounded the corner from the kitchen.

"Yeah, it was a short one." He muttered, his eyes focused on the bags in my hands.

I walked into the kitchen, setting them down on the counter before heading upstairs, kenma following my every move.

"What'd you get?"

"Just a few ingredients for baking." I opened our closet and picked out my pink Christmas pj's that Kenma bought me. They had small green Christmas trees on them and were very soft.

As well as reaching for some big fuzzy socks to warm up my cold feet.

I took off my house clothes and slipped that on, not bothering to cover up my body. It's not like Kenma hasn't seen any of this glorious body before.

I watched as Kenma's eyes trailed down my body and gawked at my every move.

"My love, do you wanna your Christmas jammie's on to match me?" I asked, silently begging so we could be cute together.

He came from behind me as I reached into the drawers to pull out his set. Ken hugged me from the back, his arms wrapping around my waist and his head on my shoulder.

"Sure baby, I'll be right down." Kissing the nape of my neck, I sighed peacefully and broke our hug.

Heading down, I waltzed kitchen, pulling my hair up and started with the basics.

I could basically feel his eyes staring at me while I started getting the bowls and utensils out as well as my ingredients I had bought.

"Yes, my love?" I turned around to face him, getting ready to start whisking the batter.

"Can I help?"

I smiled softly at him, my heart bursting into flames full of love. Especially since he looked so precious in his pajamas that matched mine.

"Of course you can, here." I gave him the batter I was just about to whisk and started on a new task.

"What kind of cookies are these." He sniffed the batter, his nose twitching.

"These are gingerbread sandwich cookies. I have two others that i wanted to bake too. I'm gonna start on the peppermint patty-stuffed chocolate ones." I gave him my phone that had all the instructions on how to bake the Gingerbread cookies.

He set the bowl down and his eyes skimmed down the phone to the last one. I saw a soft smile grace his handsome features.

"Can we make the last one next?"

"Sure, let me finish with this chocolate first and you put those in oven." I directed, happy that we were bonding.

Baking with Kenma was always nice, even if we stopped a few times here and there because he wanted to make out for some unknown reason.

"Are they done?" I asked him, peering back while he opened the oven. I cleaned the last couple of dishes that we used for baking.

"Yeah, but they're hot so be careful." He warned me as some of his two toned hair fell into his face. Ken put the cookies on a platter and set them on our granite counter, waiting for them to cool.

I grabbed my step stool and set it where I could fix his hair, as per usual. I, unfortunately, had to stand on my tippy toes from how short I am.

Lightly taking his hair out of the messy back bun I had put it in earlier, and changed it to a ponytail.

"Your hair is so soft and long baby." I gently racked my hands through his hair.

"Oh please, your hair goes down to your ass baby." He retorted as if I meant it as a bad thing.

"It's not a bad thing honey, most guys don't wear it long. It looks sexy on you." My face flushed and I stepped down, putting the step stool away to where it goes.

I didn't hear an answer from him as I made my way towards the cookies. They should be cool enough by now to eat.

Gently, I touched one before picking it up just to see if it would burn my hand or not.

Seeing as I could pick it up I turned to Kenma with it.

"Say ahh." I broke the cookie in half so I could feed it to him.

He stared down at me with watchful eyes and an eyebrow raised like I was dumb. Nevertheless he did as I asked.

"Good boy, does it taste good?" I could have sworn that he almost choked when I said that. I was just proud that the cookies we made came out looking so good.

"That's new. It's usually Daddy." He smirked, his cheeks flushing bit red, watching my expression.

My face burned a bright red because I knew what he was talking about. And it was, in fact, true.

"How does it taste?" My voice high pitched because of his response, I cleared my throat to fix it.

"Eh, you taste better."

I could have died right then and there.

"You're such a horny person, Kenma." I laughed at him, feeling the sexual tension in the air.

I thought this was supposed to be wholesome and yet here my erratic husband is, trying to be sexy.

"You're one to talk.." He trailed off, analyzing my face.

"Anyway! Do you want to watch home alone? I'll bring the cookies up while they're still warm?" I said getting a glass of milk for us to dip our cookies in.

"Sure baby," He kissed my jaw in the same place of where he had set a mark he made a couple nights ago.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I can't believe I married a horny tornado." I muttered and focused on the sweets in front of me.

Knowing damn well that later I would be getting some Christmas magic.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

a/n: this is from my “Haikyuu x Reader Oneshots” on Wattpad! I hoped you enjoyed and let me know if you want more!

the header is from lena!! on Pinterest

[wauzmons]

Please read and cast your vote!

So it's been 1.5 months now since I started migrating to the new render pipeline and I'm starting to get sick of this. I just can't seem to make Elysian Eclipse look good and consistent with how it was before the migration. This post will be a summary of the issues and a general comparison between the BiRP (old, on the left) and URP (new, on the right) version of the game. At the end you will be able to vote how we should proceed.

First we have the title screen. I think we all can agree that the old one looks much better. I already tried to make the new one shinier with a bloom effect, but it didn't make it better, just brighter...

Next we have the cell stage. I personally prefer the new one here, mainly because of the new water shader. However we can theoretically port back the new water to work with the old pipeline.

The aquatic stage has the most problems even if it's not obvious at first. In the new one, the caustics on the floor are missing and the light rays contain weird artifacts. There are pulsating ovals in them, which isn't really visible in a still image. The shadows of the kelp start to break, if you get close for some reason. I also feel like the crabfish is too saturated. Again the water (surface) looks better now, but that can be ported back too.

The creature stage looks fine in both versions imo. The sky has a glow effect, but that can theoretically be enabled in both versions and is not dependent on the render pipeline.

The color grading in the space stage looks prettier in the old one, I think. Otherwise there isn't much difference. I wasn't able to get the same planets on both screenshots, because they are random...

Oh boi. I think this one turned out really bad. The contrast seems too high and the creature looks less lively. The nugget literally lost the sparkles in its eyes... The text is also pretty fucked up. If you zoom in, you can see that all the text is really jagged in the new version...

So to summarize: The URP version has a lot of issues and even after 1.5 months of work, I wasn't able to resolve all of them. I don't even know where to begin fixing all of this and it's stressing me out.

We now have two options:

Revert back to BIRP and port back some of the improved effects like the water and skybox glow, so its available in the old version. There's also a risk that Unity won't support the BIRP in future versions. They said they will continue to support it for now, but I don't really trust them with this.

Keep trying to fix all the bugs in URP and further improve the visuals of the new version. This could potentially take months, because I have no idea how to resolve all of this. The performance also is slightly (~5%) worse for some reason.

I have been breaking my head over this to the point where I had problems to sleep. But in the end it's just a silly creature game, so I'll let you decide how we proceed with Elysian Eclipse. Please read and look at everything carefully, before >> voting here <<

[kiwipineappleparasol]

oh Yeah I forgot I never Posted the rest of my Thoughts on the TTYD remake ... Whoops! These things happen I suppose. Since it’s almost OG TTYD’s NA release again, might as well post them now ! Spoilers below for the whole game and post game!

THE EXCESS EXPRESS IS SOOO PRETTY WITH THE NEW LIGHTING !!! I had to take so many screenshots. Especially at sunset or at night. And the MUSIC… The evening atmosphere in general is just soooo good. I would keep trying to get images of my partners sitting at the dining tables to little success.

I remember getting a taste of all the new poses before the remake came out with some comparison images but it's still so cool to me

I had Vivian out when I inspected the stains on the dining car floor and . Actually I'll just put the clip here . Beldam SUCKS (we knew this it's just being reiterated)

the Ghost T sequence looks awesome. The light of Heaven…. Of course I read his diary, and holy shit the glitching effects and stuff wasn't what I expected at all (can’t remember if they were in the og) but it really adds to the DEATH CURSE .

my mother asked why they'd bother to tie up Doopliss because he did nothing wrong . This is true Doopliss has never done anything wrong in his (after)life (joking statement)

Riverside station is soooo pretty….. Unclear how the sun is supposed to be going through the mountains like that though. Not like it matters when it looks so Cool and Wavy.

The inside of the station looks less run down than it did from my memory and moreso just old and abandoned, in a way that I like. It just feels so …empty in a good way.

When you're supposed to hit the Smorgs with your hammer, if you have any partner other than Goombella out and use the Partner Hint, she will tell you as much -- but if you have Flurrie out, Flurrie will instead tell you that, and that she can blow them away! Such a neat touch. They really thought of everything.

the scene of TEC shutting down … It just has such Drama to it. I didn't get to that part in my last playthrough so I can't compare it mentally but I liked it.

Slight Detour: to defeat Bonetail and save a kid’s dad ! Gotta wait for Frankly anyways right

Anyways! back on track . I forgot to write many notes for the last two chapters Unfortunately. Here’s what I got:

AWESOME SHOOTING TO THE MOON CUTSCENE

if you have Vivian out during the cutscene entering the X Naut fortress she's like "not this place again…" I love how she actually references being there before

LORD CRUMP'S STUPID EVIL LAUGH POSE is so good . I love all the new poses so much and I don't think he had it in the original? But idk . He literally only has it for like. Two seconds. But either they thought it was so important and I respect it.

he sucks up the audience with his .. um. his. why is the vacuum coming out from between Magnus Von Grapple's legs.

The scene of the Thousand Year Door opening was so sick I had to watch it multiple times . The crystal stars look so awesome here, and the presence the door has … The way it cracks and opens to this swirling darkness… Awesome.

We get to finally give Beldam a taste of her medicine, or as Vivian said "it's her turn to get punished" … Sad to see Doopliss get duped in this nonsense. In the tattle log it said Beldam specifically sought him out … Definitely after he ran by them crying after Chapter 4 . Beldam loves targeting people she thinks are weak! How likeable. She is directly called abusive by Goombella in Doopliss' tattle -- not that it isn't obvious but you know, happy to see it called what it is.

There's another puzzle moment where you could use either Koops or Yoshi Kid -- you're expected to use Koops but if you have Yoshi Kid out he'll say as much. So cool. I loooove accounting for multiple solutions.

when Grodus said the world is mine. Well. I had to laugh. Someone show him Miku. Also when he got INCINERATED BY THE SHADOW QUEEN. That moment has always been so funny to me. He's so fucking stupid did he think the demon would actually listen to him. That's what he gets for trying to kill Lord Crump off LMAO. also for what he did to TEC I Guess 🙄

THE HANDS CRAWLING ACROSS THE LAND . LETS GO

The epilogue of Goombella visiting everyone has always been sweet, showing that while direct interactions between everyone weren't really shown, they did become friends -- but they all had their own lives before this. So they take their new inspirations they gained on their adventure with Mario to continue on new paths and all.

PAUSE! welcome to my STORY CRITIQUE SECTION! (Yes, I can criticize my favorite video game of all time. These problems were in the original however so it's not a remake thing.)

Listen we love Goombella threatening Beldam to never hurt Vivian again but Vivian deserved an ending outside of her life with her sisters. Yes, it's in character for her to want a happy ending with them but c'mon. Noone deserves to stick around Beldam. If you asked me I would have changed her ending with her reconciling with Marilyn and Doopliss but not Beldam because those two were also victims of Beldam -- and Doopliss literally replaced her as the scapegoat lmao. They have so much to talk about. I think that's my one critique with Vivian's storyline. Grubba never showed his face again; Beldam didn't have to either.

I can absolutely believe that Grodus ditched the full on evil act though. I mean. He's just a head now. And now he has to have his minions carry him everywhere. Plus getting incinerated at the apex of his World Conquest Plan probably killed off his motivation. He's so pathetic now. Definitely still a bad person but what is he going to do about it. Beldam however suffered no such consequences aside from … I guess getting beat up in the Palace of Shadow once? Which is unfortunate and she doesn't deserve any forgiveness from… Literally anyone. So I don't see why she would ditch being an Asshole -- especially considering unlike Grodus, the shadow queen actually respects Beldam. Beldam should feel more robbed because this was her victory that Mario & Co took from her. But I guess they just wanted to give everyone a happy ending -- I just don't think any ending with Beldam in it is happy for anyone involved.

OK BACK TO SHAMELESS GUSHING!

THE CREDIT SEQUENCE ANIMATIONS ARE SO CUTE!!! THEY MADE THE CREDITS SEQUENCE ALL ANIMATED IN THE REMAKE FOR ME!! IT IS SO . FUCKING GOOD. AND ALL THE IMAGES IN THE BACKGROUND ARE ACTUALLY UNIQUE FROM RHE GAMEPLAY??? THEY HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS AND UNIQUE PERSPECTIVES AND HUHHH?? THEY MADE THIS SO COOL??? I need to rewatch it because there's so many segments I love . A complete and total upgrade from the original and so much more in line with the charm from the Original Paper Mario's credit sequence . We loveeee you people who made the remake credit sequence you did this for meeee

THE REDONE PAPER MARIO 64 THEME WHEN YOU TALK TO BOW !!! I love it I listened to it in the music player a bunch … Also her and Bootlers new poses are great.

The Prince Mush fight is actually a perfect extra hard boss that takes advantage of the unique battle mechanics and I absolutely love it. Like, adding an optional boss to the remake that has to be defeated by superguarding is such a great way to put a mechanic not everyone will be using to the forefront, and that naturally makes this boss difficult until you master it. I know I failed several times, but I also had the unsimplifier badge on… Once I took that off I won without even needing to heal. Felt so cool.

The New secret fight in the Pit of Hundred Trials was also really neat ! I think I cheesed it a bit using Vivian's Veil, but the amount of damage he can rack up is crazy . Took out multiple of my partners, but I ultimately beat it the first time without even using my healing items. I still need to find out what trial stew does…

And with that, I had gotten every tattle, recipe, badge, and completed every trouble (my final trouble was removing the graffiti in the Pit of a Hundred trials, did that on the way to that secret fight you get after you had beat the pit once and some other requirements)

In Conclusion: I FUCKING LOVE TTYD !! still can’t believe this is real just reading back through my notes and looking at my screenshots, it feels like a dream. I’m so glad I got to experience this.

[desultory-novice]

No rush on answering this, I know you got stuff going on

Can I ask about you MariPav process? I want to make a comic too and MariPav is a huge inspiration for me. So, I was wondering if you could share any tips.

The main things on my mind are

How did you come up with the story and how much of it do you have planned before hand

What is the drawing process? Do you do a rough sketch first, do you do a chapter's outlines and then color or do you finish a page then do the next, etc.

About how long does it take you per page?

How did you decide the level of detail you draw in for this comic?

Do you have any monochromatic shading/coloring tips? I'm not very good with working outside of color

How do you keep consistent character design?

You're also really good at speech bubble spacing and comedic timing that doesn't pull you out of the story. How do you do it?

Sorry,, I ended up asking a lot of questions...

; _ ; Ahh, thank you so much for asking questions about my process?! It makes me feel good to know people are interested and I'm happy to go into (lots) of detail about it!

1) [THE STORY]

So, the initial concept of Marionettes' Pavane came from two separate comics I'd wanted to do. One was about how Magolor and Marx reunite after the end of Return to Dream Land. (I had only been in the fandom for a little bit but had already fallen hard for this ship, and while there were lots of stories about how they met, pre-RtDL, it seemed pretty obvious to me that Marx wasn't around for RtDL so I wanted to know how they might have gotten together after.)

Another idea that stuck in my head was for a story about how Marx went from being an innocent Noddy to the Marx we know and love. Neither of these ideas were going to be gijinka to start with, btw - I've mentioned this [one really long Kirby x Marx comic] I read on Pixiv that was a huge storytelling inspiration to me for MariPav.

That, plus a few other good gijinka fan comics, was probably what pushed me to make it a gijinka story, in addition to a few lines that popped into my head that worked better if they were humanoid.

(Initially, I was still going to do the Marx backstory comic separately, but I realized it was just easier to work it into MariPav because it was clearly influencing MariPav Marx's characterization. Then I wrote up a Magolor backstory chapter to match.)

As for the writing, I wrote out the WHOLE script, beginning to end, before I began drawing it! I knew myself and I didn't want get lost as to where my own story was going or pivot directions so hard in the middle that the beginning no longer made sense. Writing it was pretty exciting, so it wasn't too hard to get the whole thing done, though it definitely took a few months of chipping away at it.

(In fact I was so addicted to writing it that after I "finished," I couldn't stop toying with it and added on several epilogue chapters! ^^)

You can additionally get a glimpse at what some of my thought processes/inspiration for coming up with the story were by re-reading my old Marxolor "rant" [here]

As for the process, once I'd jotted down enough lines/conversations to establish the theme ("Was it worth it?" etc etc) I would draft out summaries for what I wanted to have happen in the chapters (interspersed with whatever thoughts about the story came to mind that I might want to include somewhere later, not all of these made it in, such as Magolor trolling Marx with the ladder) and, when inspired, add in bits of conversation till I had enough material for a full chapter.

[Screenshot of a chapter breakdown from one of my earliest drafts]

Inspiration came from a lot of places. I would re-review cutscenes from RtDL or other games, look at inspiring fanart, or indulge in completely unrelated media till something would click as "Oh! Marx and Magolor really ought to have this happen to them!"

[Screenshot of a paragraph of (unused) ideas from one of my earliest drafts]

[An early draft of Chapter 5. I used red and blue text for Marx and Magolor's dialogue early on. The scene is in an early, unfinished state. Notice how figuring out I could work in the Gem Apples was something that came along toward the end, even though now, it seems like the whole POINT of the chapter. XD]

I wrote MariPav before learning about the Snowflake Method for writing stories, but as you can sort of see here, my method did come close to following the "one sentence summary > one paragraph summary > three paragraph summary > write it" style.

When I was gearing up to finally draw it, a month or so after reaching the "end" of the story (though I actually wrote the "end" really early on and it's remained 95% unchanged through multiple additions. Sometimes, you write the ending first ^^) I went back in, cleaned the script up, filled in any lingering <n happens here> lines and added in stage directions, which is the script I currently work from!

--

2) [DRAWING IT]

As for my drawing process, that's changed a bit from the beginning, but here is my current drawing process! First, I'll draw a really loose "thumbnail" sketch in big blocky pencil. This is normally just "Marx go here! Mago go here! Mago mad!!" type stuff. Then I'll copy paste in my dialogue and move it and the sketches around till I have something that looks decent. I'll chop up each "page" and copy into my main comic making app and arrange them on the actual pages.

[An example of some thumbnails from the latest comic, right before I copied it into the main comic doc for cleaning. They're usually not even THIS detailed XD]

After that, I do a second rough, where they actually start to resemble themselves and I figure out things like where their limbs should go or add detail to their expressions (as well as note any kind of effects I will want to include in the finished panel.)

[A secondary rough from Chapter 5. I eventually made a (more simplistic than it looks) 3D model for Magolor's egg to help keep it relatively on model.]

Then comes adding in the panel borders and moving the secondary roughs around so they fit nicely. After that, I ink, though if my secondary roughs are unsatisfactory, I will bring in 3D models or references and draw them again before going back to inks.

I do it all in batches, by the way! Thumbnails for all ten~ish pages, roughs for all ten~ish pages, inks for all ten~ish pages. Because I'm still growing as an artist, if I finish one page before starting on the next, it's liable to look COMPLETELY different than the previous page! XD (Which I've had happen! Then I have to go back and redo the previous page so it looks more consistent, bleugh~...)

Sometime, early on in the inking, I will add in the balloons for the dialogue and arrange the text in them. I do this because :cough: sometimes I can use dialogue balloons to cover up anatomy I'm not that great at XD Then I add in the flat/base colors.

[Same page as before showing how I used balloons to cover un-inked areas. And also how I had to redraw Marx in the first panel to fix his proportions. Although I think his face was much cuter in the first draft XD ]

Then comes a really frenzied period where I do shading and panel FX and sound FX at the same time and it gets really messy and I'm still trying to find a way to clean up that process some ^^;

--

3) [TIME]

It's hard to be sure on a per page level since I jump back and forth between pages, but I spent a LOT of time fixing/adjusting things and trying to make sure things look as good as they possibly can. So a page will be "almost done" for a long time before I'm ready to say to myself, "Yeah, this is shareable!" Coming up with thumbnails that fit my idea for the script can be incredibly time intensive too!

[Here are the "complete" thumbnails for Chapter 5 Part 2]

As you can see, I actually began secondary roughs on this chapter BEFORE I had figured out what two of the last pages would even look like! I tried and just... couldn't come up with a good idea till the very end. Figuring out layouts has been really tricky and sometimes I'll flip open a variety of manga to see what they might do!

(And then I remember that manga layouts and whatnot are often highly differentiated by genre and MariPav is all over the place XD )

--

4) [DETAIL]

Here is the VERY FIRST drawing I ever drew of gijinka Marx and Magolor, when I was testing out what my mental image of them would look like. Everything was quite rough at this time. I hadn't figured out exactly what hairstyle I wanted Magolor to have and Marx's wings are more like attachments than arms. XD

But basically, because I drew them looking more like semi-realistically proportioned adults (figured it'd be easier to get suitable references that way) I decided to stick with that look through the story. That ended up demanding a certain level of bg/prop detail to look right and...it's one of the more frustrating parts. ^^;

It would have been a lot easier to start if I'd drawn them in a more cartoonish-anime style, like how Apologies started out, but I knew I had a few very serious and intense scenes that I thought might look laughable if Marx and Magolor were more marshmallowy looking ^^

Also, since Marionettes' Pavane is, when it comes down to it, a love story between two horrifically emotionally-stunted adults, past the point where innocent childhood mistakes are easily forgivable but without the inner peace, maturity, and knowledge to know how to NOT make these same mistakes over and over, I wanted their body types to reflect the fact that they are both fully grown. (Despite the immaturity they frequently CONSTANTLY display to each other.)

There are many stories about confused kids/young adults making mistakes and getting better. Not as many about adults, despite plenty of us being just as confused.

And I can just switch to a chibi-style if I need them to be small!

(Even Apologies has started to shift in and out of MariPav's pseudo anime-realism style, and I'll notice myself drawing tall, tanky anime boy Noir, even though his initial concept is short, underfed, underdeveloped, squishy-cartoon boy. You can see the reverse happen when I draw MariPav in a rush and Marsh and Magolor start to look more boyish and squishy. So, in short, don't do what I do and try to draw two different comics with two different artstyles at the same time XD)

--

5) [MONOCHROME TIPS]

I say go ahead and use color, and then throw a desaturation filter on that baby, if you can! Now, to ease this process, you might want to make test palette FIRST, draw your characters with their normal colors and then de-saturate that and save it for referencing later!

[I started out making a very nice palette for the two of them, only to accidentally delete it. I still needed one, so I made a second - and while I accidentally deleted THAT one too ^^; I swear, the "lineart" portion of it looked JUST like this. Just scribbles I would daub paint colors on. The key is that your palette reference doesn't have to look good, you just need to be able to sample from it!]

Now, you might notice not everything looks right when desaturated. That's a matter of values, etc! What you can do is take the monochromatic grays you've got and further adjust them from there so they look more like the gray versions of your original colors. 

[NEW OUTFIT SPOILERS!!]

I had to do this with their new outfits too in fact!

I drew them up, worked rea~lly hard on getting their palettes the way I liked, then I desaturated them and Marx looked like a a big dark blob!! You want to be very sparing with including dark colors and blacks in your palette when doing monochromatic manga, because your panel borders, text, sfx, panel effects and your shading are going to be vying for access to those precious dark tones. And if EVERYTHING stands out... then NOTHING does!

So I manually adjusted the grays on both so that they would look better good and communicate the same light-to-dark information.

--

6) [CONSISTENCY]

Because I keep all of MariPav in one big document (split up by arcs) if I forget how something looks, I just page back to the last time I drew it ^^; That said, as hinted at above, I'm...not all that great at consistency myself. Either with artstyle OR tiny details.

"Do Magolor's gloves have trim on the ends or not?" "Do Marx's bangs curl inward or out?" "What the heck do his shoe laces look like again?" "How many grooves are in the back of Magolor's egg?" "Did you forget his work apron again?" "Hasn't Marx's collar grown in size since last time--"

COUGH COUGH COUGH

I hope to get better at consistency down the line, but the truth of the matter is I do most things in life completely frazzled and I just have to do what I can do in the time I have! Outside of having references for yourself (and I have two very slightly modified 3D models I use labeled for "Marx" and "Magolor" to help keep their shapes consistent-ish) drawing your characters a little bit every day will help!

Especially the every day (that you can) part. Let it go too long and you MAY misremember something you'd done, only to canonize it next time you draw them ^^; :remembers how I accidentally gave Hell Branch Magolor his other eye back and lost track of Hell Branch Blade's scarf:

And then sometimes I decide I maybe want to change something up because I just wasn't thinking of all sorts of better possibilities before and "la la la" it is this way now, just go with it~

--

7) [COMEDY & SPEECH]

I've been something of the family goofball since I was a kid, so I'm pretty used to comedy, especially hyper-dramatization comedy.

[This is a pretty good sample of the exaggerated way I talk in real life haha XD]

Some tips I've heard for "timing" is that the end of the page should be a moment that makes the reader want to turn to the next one to see what happens. Or be the conclusion of a story beat or joke. Either use it to build anticipation or let the reader rest.

Speaking of letting the reader rest, I read somewhere that the reason manga doesn't include backgrounds as much as western comics and web-comics is not that Japan hates backgrounds or anything...

It's the theory that the more information on a page, the more mental energy a reader spends taking it in! You don't want them to exhaust themselves looking at detailed backdrops unless the presence of the BG is also communicating something!

That's why so many manga will have those panels that have 3-4 speech bubbles laid over some generic screen tone. The artist isn't lazy, they're telling you "just relax and focus on the words!"

That's also how you preserve flow, by limiting the amount of visual information there is on any given page. It actually took me a while to learn that, and I sometimes regret that the original MariPav script is super wordy for a comic script.

(Because I wrote it first - before I'd done a deep dive study on the art of comic-crafting. That and I was more used to writing fanfic and original stories than comic scripts - which often need to be tightly trimmed. They also have a bunch of different storytelling devices you don't always expect. Like, most manga has WAY more internal dialogue and thoughts than MariPav has, which is written more like a stage play, being told entirely through back and forth dialogue.)

As a result, now, when I paste my dialogue in over my thumbnails, I'll often chop whole lines out or trim them down so they won't just eat up my page space. They say "kill your darlings" for a reason.

Lastly, I actually have a friend who works in comics, and I've pinged them a couple of times for advice on how to get my speech bubbles looking good. They've given me lots of advice, and not just on lettering! (They were the one who recommended using a kind of creeping, broken shadow instead of a plain flat shadow over Dedede's face + the tv static lines over DMS seen here too.)

[I credit their advice with the reason that first comic got so much positive attention. Tbh, it's those little touches that really make it!]

Some other advice they gave me was to make sure your text has plenty of room inside your balloons. You're trying to fit a square peg in a circular hole, after all! But again, sometimes I just place my bubbles in areas where they'll be most convenient for the art! XD

-

Anyway, I hope I did well answering your questions and providing insight. Of course, the biggest thing is that everything takes a combination of hours of practice and also... just some life experience.

I have been reading manga since I was 12, which nowadays makes it sound like I started LATE in life till you remember I'm 40 years old (and back then we had to walk two miles in the... we had to import untranslated single volumes from sketchy web sites with zero preview pics, based entirely on how interesting the title sounded) and in spite of my long history with the medium, I still found that I couldn't replicate the look of it it based on memory alone.

That's because there's a difference in taking in something for enjoyment and taking in some for study. What I've been having to do lately is STUDY manga - very intensely. I'm constantly having to look up "how to express frustration in manga" "manga sfx" "effective manga panelling" "crying, manga-style" to get things close!

(Of course, my years of reading and enjoying it helped in its own way too. After all, the stories I'm writing now are based on years of lived experience, in and out of fictional worlds and that stuff is KEY.)

But yes, get started on that comic of yours! Honestly, the best thing I did with MariPav was start drawing it. I knew I would have a long way to go to get it looking like it does in my head and it's still got a long way to go before it's there, but every page I make is getting me there.

[skitskatdacat63]

The thing about mentioning that you are disappointed because wanderer got changed to blue and anemo is so incredibly real and understandable. I literally had the same experience, so down bad and all and I was eager to get wanderer but now that I have him it just doesn't hit that hard idk. They should have kept the black and red it suited him so much. I can understand that a part of his lore and character is to heal and move on and change but why do all anemo characters have to be so blueish and stuff? Why couldn't the purple, red, black etc. stay? He looked so good with it and he still does but why can't Hoyoverse step out of that zone for once and color things different. Why can't there be a character who is anemo but can still dress more dark YK? 😭 Or even make the elements different. Like red electro or blue flames. Where is the creativity c'mon now :(

Exactlyyyyyyyyy!!! Like why hype up a character for so long, showing little glimpses, getting people excited, only to change his design :( It makes me annoyed to think about because there was soooo much speculation back in the day abt what element he'd be and so much "omg his design is so sick!! I want him so bad" only for him to be...blue. But yeah I totally agree, I usually don't mind their color coding but it sucks in this case specifically bcs his original colors were so beautiful and unique. Though speaking with color, ah at least we have Miko in red/white/pink, I'm very pleased with that! I think if they're gonna pick an element for him that's different than everyone guessed, idk why they have to make it so obvious. Like is it not more interesting for him to be so unassuming? Also I love his old name and titles sob sob, I can't get into "Wanderer" or "Hat Guy" at all.

I guess for me specifically, Unreconciled Stars holds such a special place in my heart as the first ever event. Tthe amount of mystery and hype around Scaramouche was so fascinating to me, cause he was the first of his kind, a character being teased who we wouldn't see again nor get for literal years. I remember rewatching this scene over and over again, trying to get the most I could out of a limited character y'know, it felt very special. He felt so intimindating and cool, the first Harbinger we got to see outside of the only two we knew. And back then, I was like WHEN HE COMES OUT, I'M WHALING!!!! But I wasn't really playing it around the time he appeared in Sumeru, so I was so aggrieved seeing he was finally released, but completely different! I missed the train y'know lmao, I just don't care for his current state at all, bcs as I said, I can't help but be stuck in my 2020 perception of him. It's just very nostalgic for me. Which is why I still call him Scaramouche lol. I know a lot of people like his chara development a lot and think it's interesting, but yeah, I wasn't around for it when it was the big thing so I can't get into it, because for me, it feels like getting swindled. I really love the Fatui and their designs, like one of my fav aspects of the game, so for him to not be that anymore makes me disinterested.

Also here is the only screenshot I have of him from back then LOL, if it was now, I would've taken a million

[veebs-hates-video-games]

I'm not entirely sure what to say about Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow. It's good?

I first attempted to play it forever ago, but I only made it like 70% of the way through. I never had a GBA or anything else I could play GBA games on, but my ex had gotten me a Dingoo. Picture basically a GBA Micro, except with four face buttons and an SD card slot, and also it had emulators for basically every 2D platform from the NES through the GBA (and there was a third-party PS1 emulator you could install that worked ok with a decent number of games too).

It worked pretty well for most stuff I played on there, and it seemed to be going perfectly with Aria of Sorrow too, but I eventually managed to get it stuck in a weird state where no matter what I did it would crash ~30 seconds after loading my save. I never could figure out why or how to fix it, and I just kind of gave up after a while and never touched it again even though it had been a lot of fun.

And then finally a couple years ago Konami took a break from releasing shitty low budget spinoffs of formerly good series and making pachinko machines and put out the Castlevania Advance Collection, and then finally more recently the Switch version was on sale when I wasn't in the middle of a bunch of other stuff and felt up to playing through the entire game again.

It's still one of my favorite metroidvanias (and definitely my favorite Castlevania) up there with stuff like Super Metroid, and it holds up pretty well. I did a 100% souls run and had a good time with it. I know I've complained multiple times recently about Squenix trying and kinda failing with their attempts at proper real time combat that actually feels good in stuff like Harvestella and NEO: TWEWY, but here's this GBA game from like 20 years earlier running on a potato that feels tight and crisp and has good feedback on stuff.

I can tell something does that stuff well when I start picking up on things like noticing you can cancel out of the recovery lag from attacks if your attack is a few frames before you land from a jump, letting you attack again almost immediately. I never figure things like that out when they're so mushy that it's not obvious or hardly makes a difference.

And of course the pixel art still looks good and the music is still fun, and the writing is obviously still complete nonsense just like it's always been in Castlevania games. I probably won't ever get around to the other ones in the collection, but this one is still definitely worth it after all these years.

And just to show how far behind I get on making these posts sometimes, I screenshotted that when I saw it on Steam because it was almost the same day that I got it, and I saved it as a reminder to poke @ion-somnia about it because it was a funny coincidence and I hadn't in a while. And then obviously I didn't, and then even more time passed after I finished the game before getting around to this, so I'm totally doing great at doing all sorts of things before I half/completely forget about them, which is really useful when I try to write these posts so I can remember later what I thought about things when someone asks me. Might work better if I remembered to write them before I forget playing them...

Oh also the fake out intro for the Balore boss fight is too good:

[faintprojection]

Darth KOTOR Post Mortem

While they're still being posted, I finished drawing @darthkotorcomic a little over a week ago. While it might not look like it, this was a deceptively challenging project for me and I find myself wanting to talk about it. So... here we go.

The comic was a challenge I set myself because I was finding the experience of a dark side play through of KOTOR 1... unpleasant. But mixed with these odd moments where the game didn't feel like it was reacting appropriately to the things it let your character do. I wanted to see how it worked out, but I needed a reason to push through. Making short comics riffing on the experience ended up being that reason. But there were a few non-obvious obstacles here.

First, color blindness. I've got some moderate red/green color blindness. At the very start I'd planned to stick to black and white to dodge this, but very quickly decided that wasn't going to work. I tried to compensate by using a color picker to get colors from screenshots, but that had its own challenges. I assume there's probably some color weirdness in the result. Not much for it.

The second is I'm one of those people who can't really picture things in their head. Which means I struggle to picture what it is I'm trying to draw. Even trying to draw a character or scene from reference the moment my eyes leave the reference it just tumbles out.

Third, I am both untrained and unpracticed. I've fiddled with programs like GIMP and Inkscape off and on over the years, but I basically haven't tried to draw since I was a teenager, and even back then I wasn't drawing much.

And finally, I have a habit of getting caught in revision loops with anything creative.

With those in mind, here are the strategies I used to get this done.

First, breaking big problems into smaller and smaller problems until a big, unmanageable task became a lot of small manageable tasks. In this case, that meant making drawing characters, drawing scenes, and posing characters in scenes separate problems. There are probably better tools out there, but I knew I could do this with some very basic vector graphics tools so that's what I did. Hence, the character template.

Inkscape doesn't do character skeletons so no arms or legs to fiddle with. Also no mouths or eyebrows. I figured I could do a decent range of expressions by manipulating the hidden rectangle you can see in the color block version, which ended up being mostly true. I never did find a good way to convey an eye roll.

The second thing I had to do was time boxing every task. I didn't use a rigid timer or anything, but if I spent more than a few hours working on any individual character or scene I'd stop, look at what I had so far, and if it at least vaguely looked like the thing I was trying to make I'd stop and move on. I just accepted that this was going to be a bit of a sloppy project. The goal was for a thing to exist, not for that thing to be perfect, or even good.

With that in mind, I also didn't spend much time writing any individual comic. I'd play the game until I had 3ish events pop out at me and spend a little time riffing on those moments before making whatever I'd come up with. Then repeat the cycle.

The last thing was actually sharing the comics here. Making them public forced them to be done. Which helped maintain forward momentum.

The result of all this is... fine. I ended up making 45 comics in 35ish days, heavily weighted towards the end. I don't know that I got much better at drawing in that time, but I did get a lot faster. Some are more amusing than others. Some characters never looked quite right. I need to work on posing (especially eye lines since Player is slightly shorter than everyone else). If I could go back I'd probably find a different way to do the dialog bubbles. And I have mixed feelings on the early choice to have Player and Bastila speak in different fonts than everyone else.

But at the end of the day, goal achieved! A thing exists. I hope it amuses you.

[mellometal]

WHAT'S GOING ON? THIS IS PART TWO OF ME RIPPING APART DHAR MANN'S VIDEOS ABOUT FATPHOBIA! Whoo-hoo!

Before I get started, here's an obligatory trigger warning: This post will be talking about fatphobia, bullying, homelessness, mentioned ED, fat shaming, shaming a person FOR EATING, and the abused thanking his abuser AS AN ADULT for tormenting him as a young, impressionable teenage boy.

If any of that is triggering, upsetting, or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. Please consume media that sparks joy for you.

This time, there won't be a response from me about this video, like I usually do with all my Dhar Mann posts. If you want to see my response, refer to my first post about fatphobia (the one about the plus-size woman being fat shamed). It does tie in with this post, as my thoughts on this video are the exact same here. Yes, even though this is about a (at the time) plus-size black teenage boy being targeted. Search for the "dhar mann talk" tag and it's one of the most recent posts. I don't believe anyone should be shamed for their weight. Your weight doesn't hold any significance to your worth as a person. Don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise.

With all of that out of the way, let's get to the video!

To sum up the video, it starts out with a plus-size black teenage boy (Kurt or "Big Boy", as he's called almost throughout the entire video) who's on a basketball court at school with his friend (Mike), a few other teenage boys, and Mike's uncle (Frank) is their coach. Mike is the captain on one team, Frank is the captain on the other team. They're picking teammates, and everyone is on a team except for Kurt and another boy. Frank says to his nephew to not pick Kurt (he called him "Big Boy" instead) because "he'd never win with him". LIKE THEY WERE PLAYING FOR THE NBA. CALM YOUR DICK. HOLY FUCKING HELL. THEY'RE KIDS.

Mike, not listening to his uncle (good for him), picks Kurt anyway. Kurt is happy and thanks his friend for picking him. Mike gives Kurt a shirt that looks at least a couple sizes too small for him and would be pretty uncomfortable to wear. This isn't Mike's fault, obviously. Kurt politely asks if they had a bigger shirt. Obviously not an unreasonable request. They're playing a sport that requires lots of movement (honestly, pretty much any sport would apply here, except for maybe golf or cricket) so it's understandable to want to at least be comfortable and have room to move around. Frank mocks A LITERAL TEENAGER with the whole "You think you're shopping at Big&Tall?" line and then says that's the only size they had (why couldn't they supply inclusive sizes in the first place, or at least ASK Kurt what his size was IN ADVANCE?), which....umm, I'm actually GLAD plus-size clothing for men (Big&Tall, in this case) is more readily available and accessible now. I'm happy plus-size clothing in GENERAL is like that now.

Mike comforts Kurt and says the shirt might fit. The shirt does KIND OF fit Kurt, but it's obvious he's uncomfortable. Look at this screenshot here:

Frank laughs at Kurt, says he looks like Barney The Dinosaur, and the other kids laugh along with their coach. This is NOT setting a good example for children, Frank. You're a fucking teacher. You're a COACH. You're supposed to be teaching these kids about sports and shit. You're supposed to be setting a good example for these kids about teamwork and sportsmanship. WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO A TEENAGE BOY, WHO IS MOST LIKELY ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS, IS TEACHING NONE OF THOSE THINGS. You're teaching these kids that bullying their peers for things they can't help having is okay. Do better. (I'd say that he's an adult and should act like one, but I'm an adult and I barely act like one a lot of the time, so that'd make me a hypocrite.)

While I may be fortunate to have had a physical education teacher who never bashed on me or shamed me for my weight and she would cheer me on for whatever amount of effort I made the first and only year I had actual P.E., I know that many other kids who are plus-size most likely has/had horrible P.E. teachers or coaches like Frank.

To anyone who has/had a teacher or coach like Frank, I'm so sorry, kiddos. You don't deserve to be bullied by your own teachers. I wish I could give all of you a hug, but I can give y'all virtual hugs instead! *virtual hugs* /p

So they play a game of basketball, and Kurt is struggling to fully play because the shirt he was given was probably cutting off some circulation, especially in his arms (again, do I need to reiterate that this was NOT Mike's fault and is FRANK'S fault for his ignorance and negligence). Frank mocks his nephew Mike by saying that he told him not to pick Kurt. Why? Because according to him, Kurt will never make anything of himself in life due to him being fat. (AGAIN, THIS IS NOT TRUE.)

Then it cuts to Kurt sitting with Mike, who's working on his car and Kurt's working on his own thing. Mike says he believes one day he'll own a nice, brand new Cadillac. Kurt is very supportive and cheers his friend on. He says that he believes he'll be one of the biggest radio show hosts and has a title for it called "Big Boy's Neighborhood". Both of them are hyping each other up. Love to see men supporting men. Mike pulls out his Walkman (they were HUGE back in the 80s and 90s because you could listen to the radio from anywhere, I have a Sony Walkman mp3 player, but it's a newer model), and Kurt says that he's always wanted one but couldn't afford it. (I'll go into why in a second.)

Frank comes over to reprimand Mike, who has done NOTHING WRONG, for talking to Kurt. Instead of working, which Mike WAS actually doing. He tries to tell his uncle this, but he wasn't having it. Frank then reprimands Kurt, who also has done NOTHING WRONG, for just sitting and apparently "distracting Mike" (he wasn't). He asks if there's any work he was supposed to do. Kurt FINALLY stands up to Frank in a polite, mature manner. He says that just because he wasn't working with his hands, it didn't mean he wasn't working. Frank ridicules Kurt some more, Mike tells his uncle to leave his friend alone, and Kurt stands up to Frank AGAIN, still being polite and mature. UNLIKE THE ACTUAL ADULT ACTING LIKE A CLICHÉ MIDDLE SCHOOL BULLY WHO PROBABLY PEAKED IN HIGH SCHOOL. How fucking ironic.

What does Frank do in response to Kurt standing up to him? INSULTS THE KID SOME MORE. He tells Kurt that he must have "pig fat for brains" (which is not only insulting to Kurt, but also insulting to pigs, because pigs are intelligent animals), takes his small bag of Doritos, and says that he "doesn't need to be eating anything." He eats Kurt's Doritos IN FRONT OF HIM, tells Mike to quit letting his friend make him lazy (he wasn't doing that at all), and to get back to work.

THAT line made me livid. I've actually thought that I didn't deserve to eat anything because I'm plus-size as a teenager, and into my adulthood at a few points in my life. NEVER say that someone doesn't need to be eating anything. (Obviously except for poisonous things, inedible objects, and things that could and will kill them.) You could cause them to develop an ED, or trigger an ED if they already have one. THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING. EDs are no joke. Whether it be starving, purging, or binge eating, none of them are fun to have and/or to deal with. Even if they DON'T develop an ED, their relationship with food will be all sorts of fucky-wucky. Some even for the rest of their lives. Unless you get proper treatment, of course.

When Frank leaves, Kurt is obviously upset. Rightfully so. How he's feeling is justified. Mike comforts him and says to not let Frank get to him. Mike offers to take Kurt home, but then realizes that his friend and his mom got evicted and are homeless. (This is why Kurt couldn't afford to buy a Walkman.) Kurt, still distraught, says that he'll just walk. Mike invites him over for dinner and that he'd drop him off after, which Kurt agrees to.

They're at Mike's house, having dinner, and Mike's parents are talking to Kurt. They're being supportive. Frank walks in to have his sister's cooking. He sees that Kurt's there. Mike's parents introduce Frank to Kurt, tells him Kurt's gonna be on the radio one day, Frank laughs and says Kurt's not gonna be anything. Kurt brushes it off. He says that his mom says that he can achieve whatever he wants (which is true, to a reasonable extent), Frank cuts him off and says his mom was lying to him, and that his mom knows he's gonna be a big loser.

Mike's dad tells Frank to leave Kurt alone. Mike's mom also says the same thing. Frank asks Kurt if his mom doesn't feed him at home, and what he was doing "eating up all their food" (he wasn't; he just had a singular plate). Mike and his mom tell Frank to stop. His mom explains that they invited Kurt over for dinner, and she tells her brother to sit down and eat. Frank then asks Kurt again if his mom doesn't feed him at home. Mike tells Frank that Kurt and his mom don't have a home because they just got evicted, which is a shock to the parents. Instead of having sympathy for a teenage boy who was on the streets with his mom, HE MOCKS HIM. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT? Especially to a teenage boy who didn't do anything whatsoever to deserve being evicted from his home and be out on the streets with his mom. I've dealt with being evicted. I've dealt with homelessness. Out of no fault of my own. It's not funny, cool, glamorous, or anything like that. It's terrifying. I'm still traumatized by that experience and it happened four years ago. Sometimes I have nightmares about that kind of thing. The very possibility of becoming homeless and going through that again scares the shit out of me. The thought of it is so triggering for me that I will resort to reverting back to things I used to do when I was a kid. It also doesn't help that I will NEVER be able to afford an apartment on my own where I live now and will probably have to rely on at least two or three roommates and/or family to get by. Thanks a lot, Boomers.

I would never wish what I went through on anyone. Anyways, back to the whole summary of the video.

Kurt gets up and leaves the table. Mike tries to go after his friend to make sure he was okay, but Frank stops his nephew. ONLY WHEN KURT LEAVES DOES FRANK ALL NONCHALANTLY SAY THAT HE'S STARVING AND THAT THEY SHOULD ALL EAT. Despite Frank making Kurt as well as his (Frank's) own family upset.

Kurt walks to where his mom is. His mom notices that he's upset. Kurt tells his mom that it's because of Frank. His mom comforts him and gives him the advice that she gave him before. Kurt is still obviously too upset to take anything she's telling him, bringing up that they're homeless and broke, and his mom is desperate to help comfort her son. She gives him his birthday present early, which happens to be a Walkman. Kurt is shocked. He thought they didn't have that kind of money. His mom says not to worry about that. She pokes some lighthearted fun at her son, he thanks her, and he asks her a question. He asks if she believes he'll be successful or if she's saying that to make him feel better. She asks if he believes he'll be successful (yep), and he tells her that when he succeeds, he'll buy them a house so they don't have to be homeless anymore or worry about getting evicted.

Fast forward to adulthood, Kurt becomes a bouncer, meets someone who works at a radio station, and he goes there. Just to have people laughing at him. He's distraught again and leaves the station, thinking that he made a bad decision. Frank happens to come by, see that Kurt was upset, and asks what's wrong. Kurt tells him what happened, and Frank mocks him AGAIN with the same shit he told him when he was a TEENAGE BOY, now as a YOUNG ADULT. He walks off, laughing.

Nice going! /s Kicking Kurt while he's down JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, RIGHT? FUCK YOU.

Kurt then decides that he's gonna lose weight and be the best radio show host. (Toxic much? Why would you try to preach that your weight = your worth as a person? If you're losing weight for yourself, great! I'm happy for you! If you don't want to lose weight, you don't give a fuck about what people say, and you're happy in your own skin, that's awesome too! Do it for yourself, not for anyone's approval. Try to love yourself and accept yourself in any form you're in. Don't fall for the bullshit that you have to be a certain size or look a certain way for you to love and accept yourself. The weight may be gone, but the rest of your issues will still be there. I have to clarify that I meant this in GENERAL, not necessarily for extremities on either side of the spectrum of weight...because there are things you MUST follow.)

Kurt gets back to the station, ignores all the people being assholes, he's doing his thing, and he's climbing up.

Fast forward to when Kurt is middle-aged. He has his own radio show, and he's one of the biggest names in the radio industry. After he finishes up his show, he goes outside to see a couple of young fans. A young black girl with her brother, a plus-size boy. They say how much they love his show, they got his merch, and the boy tells Kurt that he wants to be just like him. The boy doubts himself though because of people abusing him JUST LIKE what Kurt went through. Kurt empathizes with the boy and tells him a little bit about his own experience. Following them is Frank as an old man. They're his grandkids.

Frank recognizes Kurt, and actually apologizes to him for the torment he put him through as a teenager. WHAT A SHOCK. /srs

Kurt takes it with grace, but says that he should be thanking Frank for all the torment. Why? Because it "motivated him". The girl says that she loves that. (Okay, since she's a kid and there's still time for her to change her mind about certain things, I'm not going to be as harsh here. I don't bash on the kids unless they're doing or saying extremely fucked up things willingly. She didn't say this with bad intentions. I understand you're coming from a good place, and I appreciate that, but please hear me out. This wasn't at all like dealing with edgy thirteen year olds on the internet. This man you look up to was abused by your grandfather in his youth. Your brother is experiencing that same torment your idol went through...at a younger age too, it seems like. The kid looks no older than middle school age [ten or eleven at the YOUNGEST to maybe thirteen or fourteen at the OLDEST]. That's a huge problem. Kurt may have "toughed it out", but that might not be the case for your brother. Please don't excuse that kind of behavior.)

Dude...what the actual fuck? I can understand not being bothered by the hate, but this grown ass man literally VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED YOU AS A YOUNG, IMPRESSIONABLE TEENAGE BOY, CONTINUING INTO ADULTHOOD, and you're THANKING Frank for all of that? Why should you thank your abuser for what he put you through? He didn't contribute ANYTHING to your success. So I guess abuse is a GREAT contribution to people's success now, right? /s It doesn't contribute to anything, in my opinion. Yes, what doesn't kill you can make you stronger, but can we normalize people becoming weaker to a point due to traumatic events? Because they exist. Demonizing survivors who have become weaker to some degree or just flat-out ignoring them isn't helping. You did the thing you wanted to do, Kurt. Frank didn't help you. The person who really helped you was YOU and your mom.

MOVING ON.

The boy asks Kurt if he thinks he'll ever be able to make it as a radio show host. Kurt asks if HE believes that. The boy says he does. Kurt gives him some advice and gives the boy his Walkman. The boy's ecstatic, they leave, and Kurt goes to meet up with his mom.

Keeping to his promise, Kurt bought his mom a house so she'd never be homeless again and never have to worry about being evicted. (HOW LONG WAS SHE HOMELESS FOR? OH MY GOD. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. I hope you at least let her stay with you or something. They never went into that, unfortunately.) She's very grateful. The video ends there.

My personal thoughts on the video: Another piss poor video....but worse! Because it was a COLLAB. And based on a true story. Good going with taking this man's story of being abused by a grown adult to exploit for your personal gain, Dhar Mann! WOW. LOVE THAT! Totally a good look. /s

What I took from this video is that if you're plus-size, according to Dhar Mann, you'll apparently NEVER be successful, let alone be taken seriously...which is an absolute lie. There are many plus-size people who are very successful. Another thing I took from the video is that apparently according to Dhar Mann, being verbally and emotionally abused as a teenager by a grown adult all the way into adulthood is "motivation" for you to work harder to reach your goals. (Nice going, Dhar Mann. Justifying grown adults abusing children. Who would've thought? /s)

Oh, and it's like MANDATORY to thank your abusers for tormenting you when you become successful! (Obviously this is an exaggeration. This is me using Dhar Mann's logic against him.) You want to thank them for making you stronger? Fine. You want to spit in their face and say, "Fuck you." to them? Also fine. You want to just never acknowledge them ever again? Totally fine. Whatever you want to do, that's fine by me, but can you not imply that "thanking" your abusers is mandatory in some way?

If you made it this far, thank you! I hope you're having a good morning/day/afternoon/evening/night. Stay safe, y'all. Love you. /p

[katnissmellarkkk]

Summary: At the Seventy-Fourth Reaping for The Hunger Games, volunteering is outlawed, thanks to a tribute four years prior. Because of this, when Katniss’ sister Prim’s name is chosen from the bowl, there’s nothing she can do but hope that Peeta Mellark, past victor and now Prim’s mentor, can somehow bring her sister home alive. (Obviously heavy on Everlark.) 

AN: Hi! I don’t really have a big author’s note or anything--at least, I don’t think I do? We’ll see how long this trails on--but this is one of the fics I’ve been working on for a while. It’s multi-chaptered so there’s gonna be a lot more coming in the future, but this first chapter is honestly a little similar to the original book, with some (significant) deviations here and there, but after this first chapter, this story becomes extremely different from canon. I gotta thank, obviously, @rosegardeninwinter​ for a). making me my pretty lil banner and for b). reading the million, unpolished, unedited screenshots of my drafts that I’m sure ya’ll got tired of really quick. And also for encouraging me to write this in the first place. And also, I gotta thank everyone who liked and reblogged the lil story edit I posted months ago for this concept. It really encouraged me to write this concept out. (I’m talking about this edit right here if you forgot or never saw x). Okay, anyways, I’m talking too much but thank you! Also link to this story on AO3 [x].

Chapter One :

I stare out into the sky, introspective, as I wait for familiar footsteps to approach. The footfalls of my hunting partner, my friend even, Gale, still remain absent, despite our longstanding agreement to hunt on Reaping Day, no matter how hot it is, or how scarce the game, or how worried we may be deep inside.

Of course, how could a couple kids from the Seam not worry about Reaping Day? At least a slight bit, deep down?

Reaping Day. The day that decides the almost absolute fate of a lucky—as our assigned escort, straight from the Capitol itself, so proudly proclaims—boy and girl.

We're District Twelve. The smallest and one of the poorest districts in the country of Panem. There's an almost guarantee that whoever gets their name picked from the reaping bowl, even the strongest eighteen-year-old boy in the district, will have an almost sure fate of death. Likely before the number of tributes drops below twenty.

Tributes from our district almost never fare well inside the arena.

Almost never.

We have had a few winners in history, two of which are still around, but a few out of seventy-three games isn't inspiring much hope in anyone today.

The wind breezes against my arms, prickling the hair at the back of my neck, and I'm struck by the memory of being out here, in the forbidden territory of the woods, outside our district limits, when I was just a kid. When my dad was the one hunting and I was just along for the ride. Just along because I wanted to be with him. When I used to blindly trust him and my mother, when I thought he'd live forever, when I was too young to truly grasp the concept of the Hunger Games. When I was too young to truly grasp the concept of the world in which we live.

When I was eleven my every illusion was shattered violently. Almost as violently as the death in which my father must have endured, underground in those mines, as they exploded.

I remember hearing the alarm at school, blaring so cacophonously over the speakers that it shook the schoolrooms themselves. I remember blindly grappling through the scurrying bodies of my classmates, until I found my way to my little sister, Primrose. Her room was completely empty, but she still remained, sitting behind her desk with small folded hands, waiting for my arrival with excessive patience.

I'd always coached her on what we'd do, if there ever should be a mine accident. I made sure she knew the drill, just as I knew it. Like the back of my hand. Like a prayer or a lullaby. I could recite it in my sleep. Because my father had just as sternly instilled it into me.

I wove my way through the chaos of bodies and white-hot panic, towing Prim only inches behind me by the hand, as the kids from town lingered in the hallways, their classic, bright blue eyes large and their voices all quivering, and as the kids from the Seam dutifully made their way to the nearest exits, hoping and praying and begging silently that it wasn't their parent who had been hurt. Hoping the accident hadn't taken what was typically the sole provider in most households, here in the poorest section, in the most impoverished district.

Prim and I must have not hoped hard enough, because we learned almost immediately upon finding our mother, who was now immobilized with grief, her characteristic gentle smile eviscerated and in it's place, a blank stare, void of any life at all, that our every fear from hearing that alarm were coming true.

My mom was supposed to get a job. She was supposed to find a way to provide for us, to take care of her two daughters, who were grieving her husband just as much as she was.

But instead she lay in bed day after day. On the good mornings, maybe if Prim begged and pleaded, she'd move to a chair, in front of the fireplace and stare at the flames with the same vacant expression that had replaced the loving, kind woman who'd raised us.

The money from the government, the minuscule amount of money given to keep us afloat until our mother found work, ran out. The meat our father had hunted, the plants he'd saved, ran out. The food we had the small luxury of sometimes buying—or more times than not, trading for—quickly ran out.

And our mother still did absolutely nothing.

I take a deep breath now and try to force myself to forgive her. Forgive her for not being strong enough to keep going, forgive her for not caring enough about her own children to keep them alive in the face of her grief, forgive her for being so in love that losing my father had almost killed her too.

I know it's what my father would want. And I know it's something I can't let myself do. Because if I let her off the hook, it's like saying it's okay that she almost let Prim wither away to nothing. Forget me. I will never forgive her for almost taking my little sister away from me.

Our mother did absolutely nothing until Prim's ribs were prominent, until my stomach was nearly hallow, until our cheekbones were so blatantly obvious you could count them from down the road.

And all my fears, all my resolve, to keep the three of us together as a family, went out the window. There was nothing left to do, but wait for me and Prim to be taken to the Community Home, with the other orphans or kids from unsafe families. Kids who still remained too thin, who's eyes told stories no ear wanted to hear, who still wore bruises upon their skin like freckles from the sun, who looked nearly worse than the corpses I encountered every winter, while walking from the Seam to town. Those corpses were the unlucky ones who'd actually starved to death, who had sat down to merely rest, because they had no substance to carry them any further, and somehow never got back up.

On that day, at eleven years old, living in the Community Home sounded no worse than living with the immobilized shell that had once been my mother. My resolve to hold out until my birthday, until I could get the tesserae that would feed my family for an entire year, was shattered by the harsh raindrops pelting me from the grey, unforgiving sky.

I vaguely heard the baker's wife, the mean-spirited woman, with her deeply embittered, hostile blue eyes that somehow seemed black, scream at me, calling me names, shooing me from her property.

I'd simply wanted to rummage her trashcan, so desperate for any small morsel to take back to Prim, any motivation to take even another step forward, when I felt her rough and calloused hands shove me away.

I toppled over, my legs already weak and shaky from lack of nutrition and substance. My depleted form laid on the ground, my eyes bleary from exhaustion and the shivering wind and rain.

The witch went back inside the bakery as I scarcely conjured up the will to sit upright. I was beyond done. The fighting to even gain a fraction of my mother's awareness, to get something, anything, to feed myself and my starving sister, to even stand up, became overwhelming and I felt the last bit of my resolve crumble from deep inside.

Let them come and take me and Prim to the Community Home. I don't care any longer. Let them come.

Out of the corner of my eye, a boy exited out the same backdoor the witch had gone through. He was carrying a bag of trash in his hands and my famished mind focused on that first, focused on what could be inside the contents of that bag, on what a baker could potentially be throwing away, before I realized the boy was in my year at school. I knew him, or at least, I knew his face. But he stuck with the other blonde-haired, fair-skinned town kids and I didn't even remember his name in that moment.

In hindsight, that's absolutely hysterical now.

But he evaporated as soon as he'd appeared and I closed my eyes and let the rain drown me, hoping perhaps I could be swallowed up within the downpour itself. Hoping that perhaps I'd never have to face the reality that I was out of options and I had nothing of subsidence to take home.

But then I heard a clatter and a clang and the sound of a scream. It was her, the witch. She was screaming and calling someone names my own mother had never even uttered in my lifetime.

I mentally prepared myself for her to come back outside, to drive me away with a stick or a knife. Or possibly even a hot, scorching prong.

But it wasn't the witch. It was the boy, the one from my year. The one I thought went back inside after taking out the trash, that I believed didn't even notice me before.

He was carrying bread. Two loaves, in fact. The crusts were black and burned and the welt across his face told me, without a doubt, that he was the target of the witch's insults. That he was the victim of whatever clanging noise I heard.

And though I was the one starving to death, I didn't envy him having her for a mother.

I remember vividly, the most crystal clear image I have of this day, the boy checking and making sure the witch's attention had been claimed elsewhere. And then, without even glancing in my direction, he tossed one loaf of bread to my feet. Seconds later, the other followed.

He didn't hesitate to head back inside after that, and I've spent more time in these last four years than I'd more than likely care to admit, wondering what possessed him to commit such an act of kindness. No one was kind for free, I'd learned by that point.

And yet, as I shook myself forcefully out of my stupor, and carried the loaves back to my house at the edge of the Seam, I had no explanation for his simple act. I had no basis to explain why he would help me, when no one else ever had.

The next day, I saw him at school. I passed by him in the hallway, and saw his eye had now blackened, his cheek welted, but somehow he still managed a joyous smile. He didn't notice me then. He was surrounded by his friends. Like always, he was surrounded by a constant crowd.

He is, after all, one of the most charming and sweet people Panem's ever known.

Later that day, when I was about to walk home with Prim, who was excitedly chattering about the leftover bread awaiting us on the kitchen table, the bread I'd brought home the night prior that had filled our stomachs for the first time in months, I caught the boy looking in our direction. My grey Seam eyes met his baby blues for a microsecond, before he looked away. I snapped my gaze downwards too, embarrassed, when I caught sight of a dandelion.

It was that moment that a bell went off in my head. That I saw how I could survive, how Prim could survive. How, through the things my dad had taught me, I could keep me and my sister alive.

After that day, I could never stop associating the boy with the bread, the one who gave me hope, with the dandelion that reminded me I wasn't doomed.

I never stopped associating him with his simple act of kindness, even when he became famous for some much less appreciable acts.

And I never stopped kicking myself for failing to thank him, for saving my life and my family's life, before he was whisked away, to a land far from Twelve, called the Capitol. When he later returned, now a part of a much more elite social class, thanking him for his kindness became even less of a possibility.

A girl from the Seam had no business seeking out a boy from Victor's Village. Even if I did have the guts.

Though he isn't exactly in good company here in Twelve, seeing as the only other person who holds the same title is a drunken, middle-aged man who can barely form a coherent sentence most days and lives like a hermit by his own volition.

My thoughts are interrupted by the quiet—almost as quiet as mine, but not quite—steps of Gale.

"You're late," I state without turning around, pulling the cheese from my pocket. "You're lucky Prim's cheese held up under the sun."

But Gale pulls something even more impressive from behind his back. "This will probably go nice with it," he says and I almost gasp.

Fresh bread is so rare in our district, generally reserved for the Peacekeepers and perhaps a merchant who is having a good day. Here in the Seam, fresh bread from the bakery is as common as new school shoes.

Gale updates me on his day as we split the bread and cheese and have our own version of a small feast. He'd gotten to the woods early, while I had been still at home, and shot a squirrel to which he traded for the bread.

"The baker really went for that?" I ask in disbelief. The baker was a subdued, large man, who resembled all three of his sons quietly strongly, and was one of my dad's best customers. Sometimes I think he still trades with me and Gale out of respect to my dad's memory, but a simple squirrel for a loaf of fresh bread isn't common.

"I think he was feeling generous this morning," Gale suggests a little snidely, his bitterness leaking through. "Besides. It's not like the Mellark's need the money they ask for bread. They could easily skim off their precious son and he'd probably never notice."

Gale has a special affinity for hating anyone and anything associated even minimally with the Capitol. He was lost his father in the same mine explosion I lost mine in. But whereas I don't let myself get too worked up over the inequities between the town and the Seam, and especially between us all and the victors, Gale takes a special pride in fuming over the things he cannot change.

I don't mind listening usually, since neither of us can speak our minds in public or even within our own homes, out of fear small ears will pick up on our words and repeat them elsewhere. But today, I just don't have the energy to be a sounding board.

Instead I take a segue towards a slightly different topic, but one, without a doubt, weighing on both our minds. "Prim has been having nightmares of the reaping," I murmur solemnly. "She's convinced they're going to call her name."

Gale shook his head, his demeanor becoming more subdued now. "Least Prim's name is only in there once, Catnip. Rory had to take tesserae this year."

I nod silently at that admission, knowing what it must have cost him to even allow his little brother to take additional risks of being called. Knowing it meant his family of five must be even more hungry than he leads on.

We don't say much more after that, only lingering in the woods long enough to catch some additional game from what I've already collected, and hurry back to town to trade.

As we walk back to the Seam, having divided up our goods evenly, Gale murmurs suddenly, "I might be able to stomach the idea of Rory's name being in that bowl six times if we were still allowed to volunteer."

I bypass his words the best I can. I don't want to think about what Gale must be going through, making himself sick with worry, not for himself but for a sibling in which he considers himself responsible for. And, as it happens once in a lucky moon, I feel grateful that my tesserae is still sufficient for a family of three, and I don't have to worry about Prim the same way. Her one entry pales in comparison to the thousands that are piled in that bowl.

Still, the silence between us as we walk is deafening and I can't take it any longer as we come closer to my house. "At least then, you'd get to see the Capitol," I say lightly, as a means to brighten his mood, even just a little.

At that, Gale rewards me with a humorless smirk. "Generous of the president, isn't it? To allow us district people to experience the great Capitol firsthand while they slaughter our family."

And it's true. Just a few years ago, it was allowed to volunteer as tribute in the place of whoever's name got chosen, as long as you were the same gender and between twelve and eighteen on Reaping Day.

But four years ago, when a twelve-year-old boy volunteered for his seventeen-year-old brother, an outrage sparked across the entire country. People are never happy, in any district, to see a twelve-year-old be chosen for the games. They're the youngest, the smallest, the most innocent, and never in history had a single one made it past the Final Fifteen in the games.

So when one volunteered, the country wasn't pleased in the slightest. However, like always, the anger was contained by Peacekeepers in a matter of weeks, and promises came pouring out from the Capitol that a change would be made after the games that year to ensure never again would this situation occur.

And it never again could. Because three days after the Seventieth Hunger Games, President Snow announced that all volunteering, from that point forward, was officially banned.

This new law is even more ironic when you realize that the twelve-year-old volunteer from that year became the youngest victor in the entire history of the games.

Still, I suppose the president was feeling generous that day, and he threw in a bonus treat for us in the districts. Now when someone is chosen from the reaping bowl, though their fate is sealed definitively when their name is uttered, they get to choose one family member to take on the train ride to the Capitol with them, to get a special viewing of the games with the mentors and the sponsors and the past victors, to get to experience the wonder that is the mysterious Candy Capitol firsthand.

However, when all is said and done, twenty-three family members must ride the train home alone to their districts, with their loved one in a casket beside them. The thought chills me to the bone and I shiver as me and Gale wish each other good luck. We probably won't see each other again until it's time for the customary dinner we all try to put on with our neighbors to celebrate, even minimally, that we've survived another year unchosen.

Prim is already wearing my first reaping outfit when I enter the house, though it is a bit large on her. She's slimmer than even I was at Twelve, despite her having months on me when I attended my first reaping.

I get ready quickly, if only because I want to spend time with her before we have to go. I protect Prim in every way I can but I'm powerless against the reaping.

Still, she's only entered once and that's as safe as anyone can get from being chosen. It's almost unheard in the Seam to be that safe from the games.

But my sister never did appear like she fit in here anyway. Her golden blonde hair and sky blue eyes resemble the merchants, not the Seam, and her and our mother stick out like sore thumbs next to our neighbors.

Our mom is restless now, busying herself with preparing the food for our small feast tonight and braiding Prim's hair and then mine.

I still haven't fully forgiven her for leaving us when we needed her most, but I also can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to send both your children off to be potentially chosen for an absolute death. And I let her hug me as I guide Prim out the door.

Attendance is mandatory for all in the district, but the ones viable for being chosen and those just watching don't typically enter together.

I guide Prim by hand into town, the walk feeling longer than it did with Gale. Perhaps it's the trembling twelve-year-old I'm towing, or perhaps I'm more afraid than I'm even admitting to myself.

After all, unlike my sister, I have twenty slips with my name splayed across this year. It's not as a bad as someone like Gale, who has forty-four chances of being called. But it's not as safe as the kids from town, who likely only have to worry about a handful of slips with their names.

Its not that they're rich by any standard, but they get by better than those in the Seam. Even if they're hungry, they're not at risk of starving, and no one is going to sign up for tesserae unless there is no alternative.

A year ago, my mother let it slip once over dinner, just out of the blue really, that my father had always sworn no child of his would be in need of tesserae.

I shake my head, as if to physically rid myself of the reminder. I don't want to dwell on what my father would feel if he were here. I don't want to be reminded how different things would be if he hadn't died.

I help Prim sign in and then drop her off, as gently as I can, with the other girls her age. At the last minute, she pulls on my hand, yanking me back to her with surprising force.

"Prim, I have to go stand with the sixteens," I say as she leans up and kisses my cheek.

"I just wanted to say I love you," she whispers softly, her big blue eyes so terrified, and then she steps back into the crowd of twelves surrounding her.

I sigh softly and give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. She truly is the best of our parents. Kind, smart, level-headed. She's funny and resourceful too, even if she can't take hunting animals herself.

She is the only person I'm certain that I love. And just about the only thing that keeps me going most days.

As I make my way to the sixteens, straightening my mother's dress on my hips, I check the clock. Only five minutes before we start. Before our lovely Capitol escort, Effie Trinket, reads off two names in her distinctive, afflicted accent. Before two kids know they're never coming home again.

This place isn't much. But it is all we've ever known, and no one wishes to leave it.

As more people crowd in, I begin to pick up an excited buzz in the girls surrounding me. Already knowing what I'll see, I crane my neck just the same, to peer up at the stage ahead.

Sure enough, I see exactly what I knew I would.

There's four chairs set up on the stage. One for Effie Trinket, because no one from the Capitol could ever bear to stand for more than three minutes at a time and she must have a seat to relax in before she calls out the names and sends two of us—a lucky boy and girl, as she says it—to the slaughter.

One of the other chairs is occupied by Mayor Undersee. A man who looks like he's been beaten down by life too many times as it is and would rather be anywhere but here. His daughter is my age. She sits with me at lunch, since Gale is two grades ahead of me and we rarely see each other at school. We make polite small talk but other than that, I barely know anything about her, and by association, her father.

However, it's neither of them that's stirring up the buzz within the crowd—admittedly, more so with the female portion of the crowd—and it's definitely not Haymitch Abernathy, who's stumbling on stage right at this moment. He managed to win the Fiftieth Hunger Games and I still can't imagine how. He's a paunchy man my mother's age and he's never sober, on the rare time he's even seen in public. Today is no exception, as he flops onto a chair gruffly, and murmurs something unintelligible with his eyes closed.

No, the murmuring, the now batting eyes and coy smiles, the soft vibrato still traveling within the crowd, are all because of the last guest of honor, walking upon the stage right behind his old mentor.

Peeta Mellark.

Winner of the Seventieth Hunger Games. Youngest ever. District Twelve's first and last volunteer. The twelve-year-old that changed the rules for the entire country.

The youngest mass murderer in history of Panem.

And now one of it's most beloved celebrities.

Peeta is smart—brilliantly smart—and he's always been charismatic. Even at twelve, he had the Capitol audience, as well as every single soul watching on television at home, eating out of the palm of his hand.

It doesn't hurt that at sixteen, he's become quite a looker. His blonde curls, his blue eyes, those long lashes and bubblegum pink lips. His fair, perfect skin that has not a blemish in sight. His toned, muscular body and devastatingly genuine smile that no one can help but fall in love with.

He's also the boy who saved my life. The one who committed the simple act of kindness, knowing it would cost him, to help me.

I never thanked him. And now I never can, as I'm sure he has zero memory of me. After everything else that's happened to him since, after the last four years of living as a Capitol darling, as one of the country's most cherished victors, he'd never remember the starving eleven-year-old he threw some burned bread to in a rainstorm.

But I remember him. I don't know if it's what he did for me that day or what he did for his brother only a matter of weeks later, but something about Peeta Mellark crawled under my skin four years ago and ever since, I've never been able to completely shake the feeling I get inside upon seeing him.

I break my gaze away, refusing to stare at the boy, who I will always accredit as the one who saved my life. I venomously refuse to gawk at him, like every other girl in the district.

He rarely comes out of his house when he's home here in Twelve, and I know the overzealous amount of attention he receives just by going to his parents' bakery has to be at least a part of the reason. Unlike Haymitch, who has lost his clout and his appeal with age and with deterioration, Peeta has only gained more and more notoriety as the years pass by.

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone in Twelve, outside of a few outliers like Gale perhaps, who'd say a negative word about Peeta Mellark.

Of course, rumors about his random and long stretches spent in the Capitol itself are always floating around, no matter what time of year it is, but they don't affect his public persona or anyone's opinion of him. He is, after all, the most valuable figure Twelve has and perhaps the only thing we can take any pride in.

Effie Trinket steps up to the microphone just as I turn my head away from the stage. "Welcome!" She greets, so vivaciously, so brightly, I can't imagine it even resonates in her head that she's just moments away from announcing two of our impending funerals. "Welcome, everyone! To the reaping for the Seventy-Fourth Annual Hunger Games!"

I can't even bear to listen as she prattles on, with too much confidence and dignity for someone dressed in every neon color known to man, speaking in such a peculiar accent, with a thickly painted face that is so blatantly visible to the every eye here today, even in the back row. Doesn't she realize how ridiculous she is to us? Doesn't she realize how wrong it is to preach about the morals and disciplines of the Capitol, in such a prideful voice, when they're the ones about to murder us for entertainment, and in repentance for a long over war that only a few elders can still remember?

As I advert my eyes, my gaze travels once again to the back of the stage, and I'm more than a little surprised to see Peeta Mellark with a similar expression as mine. He, too, is shifting his eyes elsewhere, away from his own escort, looking sick to his stomach.

Of course, it still can't be easy for him, even with his own games four years in the past. He was a literal child when he volunteered and it's fact that he didn't understand what he was getting himself into when he took his brother's place that fateful day. His innocence was stolen as soon as the countdown ended and talk still circulates, even in the Hob, that he wakes up screaming most nights, calling out the names of fallen tributes. Though those words are not given much weight in the Seam, as we all know, people get bored in this tiny district and bored people begin to spew lies whenever encouraged.

Effie continues, in a long overdone mantra, one I could recite in my sleep, the same one she spews every year, that two kids from every district must be chosen to battle to the death in a new and invigorating—one of her favorite words—arena, in order to pay for the blood shed during the rebellion and war, in order to ensure we'll never again even think to rebel.

It would almost be easier to swallow, this whole charade, if the people sent from the strange land of the Capitol would just be honest and blunt with us. If they'd just admit that they see us as lesser than, as animals or beasts of some sort, as less than human beings. It'd be easier if the Capitol spokespeople would just outright say, "we'll take your children, we'll starve your district, we'll ruin your homes, we'll broadcast the deaths of those you love most, all to keep you too powerless to fight. In order to make sure you never are able to stand strong, we have to kick your legs out from under you first."

Instead of being honest though, Effie Trinket is reiterating the Treaty Of Treason, in a tone so serious that it takes all the self-control possible to stop several boys standing in the fourteens from bursting out laughing. Her accent and a serious tone do not mesh well together.

Once she's done though, my heart automatically skips a beat. Because, after four years of standing in this square, I know exactly what's coming. "Ladies first!" Effie announces and I feel a bead of sweat glide down my forehead, both from anxiety and from the overload of heat. Reapings always take place in the start of the hottest month of the year.

Standing in my mother's well-crafted dress, one of the most luxurious pieces of clothing we own, only makes my perspiration worsen, as the dress was clearly made to keep the wearer as warm as possible.

Our district escort makes her way over the bowl containing the names of every girl eligible to be picked in the entire district and I feel myself take in a breath involuntarily.

There's twenty chances she's going to call out my name. Twenty chances I'll be sent to an almost imminent death. Twenty chances Prim will grow into her teen years, and later adulthood, without a sister.

The gut-churning fear I'd repressed all morning, in that moment, overtakes my entire being, curling up like a ball in the pit of my stomach, as I do my best to listen on baited breath, somehow expecting to hear my own name spoken through the raucous microphone for all to hear.

Don't be me, I whisper inside my head, more fearful than I'd ever admit out loud. Don't be me. Please, don't be me.

And, as it turns out, it's not me.

Instead it's the name I never in a million years thought I'd hear. The name I believed to be so safe I didn't even allow myself to worry about her.

"Primrose Everdeen!"

[iaintyourbro]

What I consider a bad writing when it comes to the devs is Aerith fell in love with Cloud??? What did she fell in love with in a short period of time exactly!! Cloud wasn't himself ?? And he wasn't in a position to play at romance with her .Like just because Cloud is the protagonist she fell for him ?? I just don't get it she loved Zack deeply and a guy who she knows nothing about in just a short time she fell for him 🙄 like wow this is what a call a bad writing THIS and the LTD ugh

Hey Anon.

I don’t think it was bad writing on the devs part. Also a lot of things that show up online are players saying it, not the devs. The Aerith not loving Zack and loving Cloud thing is one of those things that gets spread around the internet. There are non-canon sources that are used for a lot of these things too. 

I think they purposely made things vague. I don’t think Aerith fell madly in love with Cloud, either, but I think she developed feelings for him initially because he reminded her of Zack and then as they journeyed she realized he wasn’t “him” and wanted to get to know him since she started to like him. Love is a word thrown around that I think is too strong here. Interest, attraction, infatuation may be more appropriate. 

And in Aerith’s case, she was in denial about Zack. So that’s why she acts like she does in the OG park scene. Like oh well, it wasn’t serious, haha I totally don’t miss him and worry he may have died or something. It’s easier to think he ran off with another woman than he’s dead. Which is permanent.. And then it’s option to find out later that she actually was in love with him. They just get that out right away in Remake and it’s not optional to find out.

In game, Aerith never comes out and says she’s in love with Cloud. She says she wants to get to know the real him (in a vague way). There are other post-game materials that make it seem like she loved Cloud, but I believe when she’s thinking of it, Zack actually materializes and she realizes that she actually does love Zack, and her thought of loving Cloud was because he was acting like Zack. Most of the lines and things she does during Chapter 8 are call backs to Crisis Core and things Zack said. She’s messing with him - and it’s hilarious at times. 

The whole love triangle was there to push the illusion aspect of the first part of the game where Cloud is assuming a false persona. They wanted the player to also get attached to Aerith, so they tried to get this to work. Personally I never saw a romantic connection between Cloud and Aerith, but I know many did, so that’s fine. It doesn’t really change the story much either way, since it ends the same either way.

It wasn’t meant to be obvious - they wanted the player to think about it. Okay, so we have a guy who we find out isn’t himself, they want you to think back about everything that happened before he gets his true self back and wonder what implications that has. How do people deal with death? Also the fact that death is permanent. You can’t revive people (like really dead people, not KO’d people). 

Except most of the people who played FFVII when it first came out were young teens... who had no real good concept of life in general (though we all thought we did, because that’s what 13 year olds do). So we got stuck on certain concepts and assumed we were still supposed to make the choices.

You notice that there’s a lot of player choice early on while Cloud isn’t really Cloud. Then it stops when he’s back. Part of the illusion - you are SOLDIER Cloud. You are the one making decisions for him. Once you go through the Lifestream (and even before that, really) that’s done. You no longer can make choices for him that are story impacting. Choices on who to bring in battle don’t count for this... So who goes where in the final dungeon isn’t Cloud choosing who he’s in love with.

Cloud tells us who he’s in love with. If you think about it, the writing is actually genius, especially if it works that you think you love Aerith. They completely shatters the illusion on you and it starts in the Northern Crater before Cloud gives Sephiroth the Black Materia. 

And you start going down the WTF IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW! path. I know I did. Not because of romance, but because you’re playing as a guy who you think is just a little goofy and has weird flashbacks, but he’s the protagonist so cool, but then they’re like “Yeah, he’s not really him btw, oh and he’s gonna cause Meteor to be summoned.” 

THE MAIN CHARACTER! THE HERO! THE PROTAGONIST! is the one being controlled to help ruin the world. 

Then you think he’s dead. And you’re left in a daze, much like Tifa is when she first wakes up. You find out more about what happened when Tifa ran in to him in Sector 7 at first. You find out she has a hard time dealing with confrontation and dealing with how to handle many situations. She wakes up after a few days and you’re faced with execution and you’re still like W T F IS GOING ON!?

THEN the Lifestream happens. It’s a wild ride. You’re like okay, so he is actually in love with the girl he made the promise to. If you’re not familiar with the childhood friend romance trope (I wasn’t), then this may or may not surprise you.

I think the best reveal in the game is when you find out Cloud was the Shinra grunt that was with you during the flashback. That blew my mind the first time and I think I went back in to my daze of WTF IS GOING ON again. I still get chills when he takes his helmet off and the Main Theme plays. Ugh. So good. 

So I think it’s genius. However, I think the audience was too young and not used to this type of story where they make you believe it’s up to you, but TWIST it’s not. They never get over the first part. They miss the point of her death, they miss the point of the persona illusion shattering. And by not used to, I mainly speak for western audiences. 

I do think that things early on feel forced with trying to get you the like Aerith - but they don’t have much time. Also, many things are left out in these games, especially around this time. Xenogears suffered majorly for this in the second part of the game. They removed a lot of playable time and instead you read story. I enjoyed it - it really does make the story feel more filled out BUT it’s a video game, not a book, so a lot of people were mad about it.

They cut, change, and do things to get these games released on time or to fix ratings problems. The localization of FFVII was awful - it’s one of the big topic on how badly the game was translated and there are ones that directly helped to start the LTD. I don’t think that’s a thing anymore as much as it was back then. They took their time on FFVII Remake and it shows. They really fleshed things out for me, especially with Avalanche, Tifa and Aerith’s friendship, and how Cloud really is with Tifa - something that was very hard to convey in the OG since most of his stuff is shown through facial expressions and how he says things (voice acting). 

Like the above screenshot is probably what made most people start going down the Horny Jail - Cloti Wing path. That scene was intense. They would have never been able to get that across in OG. 

Unless they had a text box pop up that said “Cloud and Tifa roll off the train together and look at each other longingly for a moment and you totally could show this picture to somebody who’s never played this game and they’d think they about to get down.”

[linphd]

shoto x flirty!reader | blushing

shoto todoroki x reader

female reader

Shoto has a crush on (Y/N), but he keeps getting shy because she's very flirty.

no warning

          ''Come on dude. You have a crush on her !'' Kaminari said. It was a boys' night in the common room, and they had decided to make Todoroki aware of his crush on one of their classmates, (Y/N). She was always flirting with him, and even if he didn't seem like the kind of boy who does it, Todoroki couldn't help but blush and feeling awkward whenever she was doing it.

          At the beginning, he didn't have a crush on her, despise the girl already being opened about hers on him. But throughout time, he got more and more used to it, and eventually started to like her back. However, she didn't want to confess ! She was only teasing him to death, and the girls couldn't understand why she just couldn't ask the prettiest boy of the class out ! Of course he would agree ?!

         ''I mean... I caught fire several times because of the things she would say.'' The half and half boy replied to his friend. ''Oh, and when we all went to the beach ? Dude, I think you couldn't even focus on the beach volley !'' Kirishima added, not that Todoroki particularly wanted to be reminded that. ''Can we... not talk about it ?''

         And the boys knew why ; they were sure going to tease him about it. ''She touched your arm... she said you were muscular...'' Sero started to half-sing, his friends laughing in the process. ''I don't know how you didn't pop a boner when she did, though. I know I would've. She caressed your abs.'' Kaminari commented, making Endeavor's son furrow his eyebrows.

         ''Don't say that.'' He said at the thought of it. ''Awn, don't be jealous.'' The blonde replied. ''But still, did you decide when you were going to confess to her yet ?'' Midoriya asked. However, Todoroki simply frowned. ''No. I don't want to be embarrassed. She's quite intimidating as well.'' He muttered that last part, but the others still heard it.

          ''Was there an occasion you could've asked her out, but you didn't ?'' Kirishima asked, really wanting to help his friend. ''Well, there was that time I let her ruffle my hair to mix the colors... I thought it was pretty intimate.'' Kaminari snorted at the comment ; but Todoroki was right. ''Don't laugh, nobody has ever touched his hair. He's right to say it was quite intimate.'' Tenya defended him.

       ''You should play her own game.'' Kirishima finally said. ''What do you mean ?'' The main addressee asked him. ''Oooh, clever ! Kirishima's right, Todoroki !'' Kaminari said, excited. ''Can somebody explain to me what's going on ?'' Endeavor's son asked, still confused. ''You should get flirty. You surely won't be able to push it as far as her, but you can still try it. She has a crush on you too, right ? It'll be enough to embarrass her !'' The red-hair boy explained.

            ''Wait... she has a crush on me ?'' Was all Todoroki asked. He really was oblivious. But the boys' plan was a good one. And after teaching him how to do it, he was finally ready when the week-end was over. Indeed, on Monday morning, the students were going to go to the USJ and do some rescue exercices.

          ''So, for the first exercice, you are going to partner up !'' All Might said, his usual excitement obvious in his voice. Slowly but surely, Todoroki walked to (Y/N). She turned to look at him, an eyebrow arched. ''You would've asked me to partner up, right ? You don't mind ?'' He asked. He sounded quite confident, which confused the girl a bit. Still, she snorted and agreed.

            All Might was picking the pairs that were going to be the heroes, those that were going to be the victims, and those that were going to be the villains for the first turn. However, Todoroki was lost in his thoughts. He was very excited to play with (Y/N), actually.

            He remembered that one time she helped herself standing up by grabbing his thigh, which had made him blush like he never had before. At the beach, she pushed his hair back, to look at his forehead.

           She had thrown water at him, and she just really liked to touch his hair. She was quite close already. However, since he was taller and she was pushing his hair back, she got even closer and pushed her breast against his chest, and he couldn't believe he managed not to active his fire side accidentally.

           ''Sorry, I mixed the two sides of your hair ! But you don't mind, right ?'' She had given him puppy eyes and pouty lips. So of course, the only thing he managed to say was : ''I-I... Of course I... Of course n-n-not.'' She smiled when he stuttered. She adored messing with him. But Todoroki had trained enough to be able to contain himself and be the one messing with her this time.

         ''Shoto, did you hear ? We're on the hero team.'' He blinked a few times, blushing already at the mention of his name. ''Okay.'' He muttered, without stuttering. But oh boy, it was actually going to be difficult. He thought he was ready ! After scattering, it was time for the heroes to rescue the victims while fighting the villains they would cross.

          Immediately, Todoroki grabbed (Y/N)'s hand and started to run to find some victims. They were getting more points if they were rescuing most people. He was surely blushing at his own action, but she was behind him and couldn't see his face. And (Y/N) ? Well, she was still confused with his behavior, but she was soon going to give up.

         Later, as they were rescuing Tsuyu and Ochaco, Tokoyami and Jirou attacked them. Usually, Todoroki would've frozen them with his quirk. But today, he had a strategy. He protected (Y/N) with his ice, making her unable to move, and then he froze the enemies. ''Todoroki ! Still working on your plan, I see !'' Kirishima commented, as he was passing by -being on the hero team as well. The main addressee nodded, and walked to the girl.

         ''Shotoooo ! Not fair ! Free me !'' She said,  pouting. He smiled at her cute expression, and unfroze her. However, he didn't use his quirk enough to make her feel warm again. ''Thanks, but now I'm cold.'' As soon as she said it, Todoroki cupped her cheeks with his left hand, locking eyes with her.

           He was actually very close. And that's when she stopped remaining calm ; she started to blush, so bad. She wasn't even sure if her cheeks were warming up because of the boy's quirk or because of her blushing. Endeavor's son was blushing as well, but he brushed it off ; (Y/N) would surely think it was because of the use of both his quirks.

          Once he was done warming her up, Todoroki ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back, some locks mixing ; he knew the girl absolutely adored that, and he was even enjoying that she was getting weaker at his actions, and that he was the flirty one for once. ''Are you feeling better, (Y/N) ?'' He asked, not stuttering at all ; actually, what was difficult this time was to restrain a laughter. ''Y-yeah, thanks.'' She replied. She stuttered. Todoroki loved that.

‘’Let’s go save the others, then.’’ That said, he turned to rescue Tsuyu and Ochaco, but of course, someone else had already rescued them, Todoroki and (Y/N) obviously busy with their flirt. ‘’Why did you do that ? We could handle one each easily and we wouldn’t have lost time to rescue them.’’ She didn’t sound mad at him ; she was genuinely confused. ‘‘Oh, thinking that I thought it was a great occasion for you to make me feel intimidated, again.’’

Her eyes widened at his words. ‘’You understood that I was flirting with you ?’’ She didn’t care about the exercices anymore. ‘’The boys made me understand it. They said I have a crush on you.’’ She snorted. ‘’Well, you surely have, since you keep blushing everytime.’’ (Y/N) giggled but Todoroki wasn’t done.

‘’And you kept blushing today. I guess I can ask you out now ?’’ The girl gasped at his confession. ‘’Wait, you really waited for me to blush to do that ?’’ He nodded, smiling in the process. She gasped and jumped to hug him, pinching his cheeks when she was done.

‘’My baby Shoto finally asking me out ! Of course you can !’’ She said, using a much higher voice, before gesturing him to follow her ; they still needed to rescue their classmates. But Todoroki knew she was still much better than him at the flirting game. No worries. He would learn.

Now I actually put a screenshot of the request even after I said that I wrote it, in case ppl can’t find their requests anymore!!!

[hollow-prey]

This may be a day late, but-

happy anniversary to my beloved smoke bastard!

(sketch as always provided by the wonderful @crewel-eelegance, enabler of all my questionable self ships; crunchy zoomed screenshot provided by me)

It's been a rough year and a half on a couple different fronts, and the J&D games (and their characters) have been one of, if not the, main factor that has kept me sane and produced the majority of my serotonin during this time. All my usual and added anxieties, stresses, and good ol' seasonal/ pandemic depression really did a number on me, especially earlier this year in the winter. And if that wasn't enough, I also had to endure some occasional unpleasant bouts of doubt and insecurity with my own self ships, Razer included.

Razer, bane of my self shipping existence, handsome bastard, I love you a stupid amount, even though you have not made this easy for me. I already felt like an idiot falling for you so easily, and I denied it for so long because I felt like you were so far out of my league, even indulgently.

Let's be honest, a charming, handsome, sharp- dressed, smooth talking bad guy? You were perfectly designed to be an obvious trap, a bad idea from the start, a cliche to fall for, and yet against my better judgement I did it anyway.

It took me a while to admit my feelings, and it took me even longer before I could start to feel settled and comfortable with you. And even then, I still worried that even in my own indulgent stories and ideas, you wouldn't really like me as a partner, or would just find me to be some amusing child to toy with while you sought out someone else. I felt inadequate and like I wasn't good enough for you, because you've always been so cool and suave and put together and I'm just me, a tangled bundle of anxiety and insecurities with a weird brain and weird interests and weird little habits; someone who would be out of place next to you.

It hasn't been easy, trying to accept that you love me regardless and you came to me for a reason. But I like to think that during this time, while I was trying to figure out how I felt about you, you were doing the same with me. Though it's been a weird year, both in general and with each other, you've helped make this past year much more bearable. I know this sounds super sappy and cliche, but it helped a lot knowing I could come to you for comfort when I was stressed or upset or otherwise not in a great headspace, and knowing you'd be there to celebrate the good things with me and make me smile.

Thank you for being patient with me and my mental highs and lows, and thank you for just being there for me in general. I'm glad we found each other and came together the way we did, and I look forward to spending more time with you in the future. I love you.