#but it was extremely good and if you have any interest in the subject i'd highly recommend it

[sea-changed]

"Allied officials and journalists, especially but certainly not only Jews or leftists, recorded their impressions [after Germany's surrender] in virtually identical terms: no one, it seemed, had known anything about the atrocities that had been committed in the name of the Volk [German people]. Critical observers were particularly angered and sometimes mystified by this determined insistence on innocence of everyday complicity as well as Nazi atrocities--the 'enigma of German irresponsibility,' aptly named by U.S. Military Government official Moses Moskowitz. "'The Germans have talked themselves into innocence. We cannot, therefore, expect them to atone for a sin they do not admit to having committed,' he concluded with bitter resignation. They 'complain[ed]' that they were the victims who had been 'deceived and betrayed' (belogen und betrogen) and, even when directly confronted with evidence of German crimes, chose to blame the Nazis that none of them had ever been. "Beneath the Germans' defensiveness there lurked also, Jews sensed, some inchoate shame that led to a deep resentment of Jewish survivors, whose memories were a constant affront and reminder of German crimes and losses. 'The Germans,' Jews joked among themselves, 'will never forgive us for what they did to us.'"

Atina Grossman, Jews, Germans, and Allies: Close Encounters in Occupied Germany (2007). Emphasis mine.

[lakesbian]

twig faq to answer all of the asks i got regarding my liveblog

Q: holy shit twig turned out bad huh A: yeah

Q: should i read twig? A: no. it's bad

Q: what about the parts of twig that were good though? i noticed that there were parts of twig that seemed awesome before everything suddenly exploded A: okay let me elaborate. the first ~13 arcs of twig are really really endearing when they're focusing on the lambs. when they're being about the lambs, they range anywhere from "cute" to "extremely fun" to "genuinely super compelling" to "shit that made me cry (positive)." we have high points such as:

12yo sylvester lambsbridge fumbles 3 people with crushes on him harder than anyone's ever fumbled in their life in the span of like 7 hours maximum

sylvester lambsbridge does transhet biopunk brokeback mountain

wildbow writes rose thorburn but if she were a hardass trans girl (she's the one doing transhet biopunk brokeback mountain with sy)

gordon dies and lillian copes by taking some of sy's drug that gives him turbo-adhd

helen is there

sylvester lambsbridge experiences what i earnestly believe to be one of the cruelest things wildbow has ever done to any of his protagonists

lots of other stuff, i'm abbreviating here

but the reason i say the first ~13 arcs of twig are good when they're focusing on the lambs is that twig is prone to slogging, strikingly mediocre fight scenes--sy can't fight for Shit, but wildbow still insists on describing, like, sylvester trying & failing to hit someone with a wooden plank with the same gratuitous, lengthy detail as taylor inventing a spider-based saw trap for someone. and unlike the spider-based saw trap, it's not interesting to read about. the arcs take an episodic format, and what this means is that virtually every arc goes on way too long, contains at minimum 40% more tediously detailed fight scenes than are actually necessary, and then leaves you feeling jarred when wildbow inevitably timeskips to the next arc just as the prior one was really getting into the emotional swing of things. i also have a (quite possibly subjective?) sense that twig wasn't as well-developed and thought-out as, e.g., pact, and oftentimes the setting conceit (1900s biopunk frankenstein-y british empire) doesn't feel like it's hitting quite as hard as it should.

for all of these reasons, i wouldn't have rated the first ~13 arcs of twig any more generously than in the 3.5-4 star range while i was reading them, but that's still an overall rating of good. i wouldn't still be thinking about some of the things from the first ~13 arcs of twig if they weren't overall good. if all of twig was the same quality as the first ~13 arcs, i would recommend it to people who i feel like could tolerate the pacing issues & would feel reading about the lambs was worth it.

but. BUT. BUT-

Q: so, twig turns out really bad, huh? what went wrong? A:

it is not all the same quality as the first 13 arcs. it turns out really bad the last 7 arcs are actually atrocious

the first thing that comes to mind if you ask me "what went wrong with twig" is that wildbow tries to write a trans woman as one of the main characters, and he does it badly. miss jessie ewesmont, my new favorite girl whom we need to get the fuck out of a wildbow novel. i think she was written extremely well--and in fact one of the top 2 characters in the book--prior to wildbow trying to handle her coming out. i'd even say the foreshadowing for it was perfectly well done and enjoyable. but after she comes out, during the last 7 arcs of the book?

you know how trans women are often victims of being treated as undervalued, disposable girlfriends, who are expected to coddle & cater to their partner's every whim while receiving effectively nothing in return? and you know how trans women are often treated as if they should be grateful for receiving (what is often less than) the literal bare minimum? and you know how trans women are frequently treated as if it's completely implausible for anyone to find them genuinely attracted or desirable, let alone worth pursuing or putting effort into?

yeah, the last 7 arcs of twig contain untold tens of thousands of words of wildbow reinventing all of that from first principles. this is a subjective experience, but it genuinely felt worse to read than amy dallon. at one point, the Disposable Trans Girlfriend in question literally says "i appreciate you not killing me" after she gets stabbed in her sleep by her boyfriend, sylvester. it's beyond parody. i've never said "WE HAVE TO HIT WILDBOW WITH HAMMERS" more in my goddamned life than while reading the last 7 arcs of twig. Transmisogyny Fucking City. it's a completely unforgivable and miserable reading experience.

and speaking of unforgivable and miserable reading experiences involving bigoted handling of a main character...onto Item No. 2 on the list of writing decisions that ruin twig! the ableism.

wildbow wants all of the lambs to--due to being ill-fated human experiments--have set expiration dates. one of the Main Points hanging over the entire narrative of twig is that every single lamb is, in all likelihood, going to die of complications from the way they've been experimented on before they're even twenty. two of them do die from those complications before the story is even halfway over: jamie's entire mind & sense of being is regularly taken out of his body, and one day, the doctors can't get it back in. gordon is a ~15yo with the heart problems of an elderly man, and they kill him while he's still young enough to make one of his last acts begging to see his dog one last time. it's good. it's tragic, it's interesting.

the problem is that wildbow's decision for how to depict sylvester starting to experience end-stage complications is to...turn sy into an ableist horror movie trope villain. sy hears The Devil telling him to kill his friends, and he just fuckin' blacks out and then comes to like "oh no...what's all this blood on my hands." i'm talking "mental illness is a Demon that can Possess You and make you an Evil Serial Killer" levels of ableist writing. like wildbow straight up turns sy into the joker from the movie joker. it's like that one "insaaaaynenene....assyyylum..... cray-ay-zeee...Insaayne" tiktok, you know the one. it's why he stabs his disposable trans girlfriend.

and it's baffling because: 1. wildbow wrote worm. you'd expect better from him when it comes to writing mental illness. but his skills apparently stop short of being able to depict a character with psychosis without making it cartoonishly ableist. but also, 2., sy doesn't only start becoming mentally ill at the end of arc 13! the previous arcs do very clearly establish that he's extremely codependent with the other lambs and needs continuous support to avoid experiencing life-threatening mental health episodes. he experiences dissociation, he struggles with severe memory loss, he acts erratically, he has self-injurious tendencies, he hallucinates, he talks to himself in public. prior to the start of arc 14, all of that is written with perfectly amenable levels of nuance and empathy towards sy. i wouldn't describe it as glowing representation, or anything, but it's by no means egregious.

but after arc 13? change of plans. now he's the joker from the movie joker, and we have to watch while his friends chain him to an armchair so he doesn't go around randomly cutting peoples hands off in a murderous fugue state.

it's bad. it's extremely bad to read.

the third item regarding how/why twig becomes terrible is a lot more simple to summarize: it becomes almost entirely about the previously mentioned sloggy fight scenes as opposed to about the lambs. and when it is about the lambs, it's often terrible to read anyway, due to the aforementioned issues with the handling of protagonist sylvester lambsbridge and his disposable trans gf. the plot becomes incoherent and uninteresting to the point where it's not even worth the effort of attempting to summarize how or why. everything that made twig good more or less entirely disappears from the story, and things that make it fucking awful are added.

Q: okay but lets say i have something unfixably wrong with me and i want to read twig anyway. wheres the best stopping point? arc 13? A: yeah it's arc 13. it's not a satisfying stopping point at all though. nor is the rest of twig prior to it really worth it. just don't waste your time. go read a good book, like pact, instead

Q: what the fuck is up with helen? A: :)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Kiss-eki: Dear to Me

*Kicks open door*

SURPRISE BITCHES! I am several days late and hundreds of dollars short, but I did finally *finally* decide to watch Kiseki: Dear to Me in an attempt to add one more show to the Completed Watchlist for 2023. This was a show I was planning on watching a bit earlier, probably closer to the time it was actually airing, because I'd heard it was ridiculous and thought it would be a good show to have on in the background during work. But @ginnymoonbeam had my best interests at heart and told me that I Absolutely Could Not Do That because There Was Body Language Dammit!

If I have not made it clear, THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME, GINNY!

Kiseki was absolutely wild and completely insane if you try to describe a single aspect of the plot whatsoever, but I would have given it a ten off sheer entertainment value if it wasn't for those back to back fake outs with Chen Yi being shot and Fan Ze Riyu being stabbed. But, I digress. I have only seen three things from Taiwan at this point, but those three shows have provided quite a lot of evidence to the claim that Taiwan is nearly unparalleled in their ability to portray domesticity and physical chemistry. I have also heard that Taiwan has a tendency to create content on more taboo subjects, and Kiseki was my first forray in to that side of Taiwan considering Ai Di and Chen Yi are brothers and Bai Zong Yi is a minor when he starts his relationship with Fan Ze Riu. I think both of these subjects were very smartly handled in their set up and their structure. I normally hate the like, adoptive siblings falling in love thing, cause like...that's your sibling, but they don't give us a lot if any flashback to these boys growing up together, and they don't share last names, or really call their adoptive father Dad, so there are quite a number of abstractions in that dynamic that means this is the first time I didn't have a squick about it. And having Fan Ze Riu trying so desperately not to succumb to his feelings for Bai Zong Yi and to put that distance between them, to have Bai Zong Yi be living alone and also be 17 so he's pretty close to legal age, and then to have Bai Zong Yi be the pursuer in their relationship both serve extremely well in making that relationship feel responsibly handled.

I have not been in the tags, so forgive me if this has already been done, but I have not stopped thinking about the first kiss between Ai Di and Chen Yi or the first kiss between Bai Zong Yi and Fan Ze Riu since I saw them and I simply *must* do a scene/body language breakdown about both of them. God, it's good to be back!

[side note: I was going to split this up with funny titles like Cat Boy and Mr. Sulky, but I realized that actually could apply to both couples...]

Ai Di and Chen Yi

Okay FIRST OF ALL, I just want to say that I love Ai Di, I love how ruthless and blood thirsty he is and how incredibly dangerous and scary he could be...if he wasn't so easy to pick up and carry around like a football, or like...a feral, hissing kitten. I am going to focus mostly on the first kiss that Chen Yi initiates with Ai Di because holy shit was there so much complex emotion and reaction packed in to that pretty small moment, but before I do that I am contractually obligated to acknowledge how fucking brilliant it is to show how much/how well Ai Di and Chen Yi know each other, by having Ai Di torture Chen Yi for information by threatening to feed Chen Yi incredibly spicy baby corn AND TO HAVE THAT TACTIC WORK. And to show how much Chen Yi tolerates by having him easily get out of the restraints and tie Ai Di up when he gets bored. Fucking incredible character choice to show how absolutely batshit Ai Di is, fucking incredible relationship choice to show how well Ai Di knows Chen Yi, and fucking incredible choice to use for a call back later. Also, fuck this show for that birthday cake scene! Brutal.

Okay. That said:

You know Ai Di has not for one second stopped loving Chen Yi, and now he is being met with some actual interest from Chen Yi. Chen Yi is full reciprocating what Ai Di has wanted for so long and if this were a typical BL with more simplestic characterization, we would have gotten the moment where Ai Di just melts in to it, fully lets himself have it. Accepts that Chen Yi has woken up, gotten with the program, and is ready to be in a relationship with him. And to be honest, that is what I was expecting. Ai Di has been such a loud and obvious simp for Chen Yi that I thought for a moment he would be the kind of person to let himself have it. To not question it too hard, especially because he is young and impulsive. So imagine my surprise when I got this reaction from him instead:

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Ai Di likes to challenge, likes to push buttons, likes to press. And he starts this scene doing just that. He is on his way to tucking Chen Yi in to bed (folding the edge of the bed spread over him because Chen Yi is drunk off his ass and too heavy for Ai Di to manhandle under the covers. But the second that Chen Yi starts simping over his Boss again, Ai Di stops performing any level of care for Chen Yi, and you can see this little change in his face where he gets annoyed and actually undoes his little moment of care and pulls the bedspread back off of Chen Yi and then he postures and he’s trying to act tough, and he’s needling intentionally, and all of these things where he is trying to be antagonistic to Chen Yi because that is the only way that Ai Di really knows how to express his emotions and he’s butt hurt about Chen Yi once against obsessing over someone Ai Di knows he can’t have when he is right there. 

Now, Ai Di gets manhandled a lot by Chen Yi and while he isn’t able to break out of it, he does very often struggle/fight back to get out of Chen Yi’s grip when he’s been baby carried away from a scene like a sack of potatoes. Which is why I do think Ai Di is giving in to his own feelings a bit here because he…doesn’t do that. He lets Chen Yi pull him closer, he lets Chen Yi push him up against the wall. And he’s still needling but it’s all bark, no bite. When he starts calling Chen Yi impotent his face softens looking up at him. 

And then Chen Yi goes in for the kiss and Ai Di’s eyes go wide, you can see an entire internal monologue running through his head. I am fairly confident there are some what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’s going through his head when Chen Yi first kisses him. 

gif by @khaotungsfirst

There is a moment, just a moment so quick where Ai Di kisses back, where his heart gets the better of his judgment and he lets himself *have it* for *just* a second, and then his brain snaps back almost immediately and he bites Chen Yi and pushes him away. 

And honestly, I do not understand how actors work, because Ai Di’s face twitches. How the fuck does Louis do that?! He’s out of breath, and his mouth is agape, and he looks horrified, and heartbroken, and confused, but maybe a little hopeful. Like he won’t let himself believe that Chen Yi would actually do this. Like he is thinking Chen Yi is doing this out of pity, or just to shut him up, or mess with him. Because Ai Di messes with Chen Yi all the time.  This is what Ai Di wants. He wants Chen Yi, but now that he is face to face with the possibility he does not have the ability to believe in it. 

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

And in a very rare occurrence he listens to Chen Yi when Chen Yi tells him to get out of his room. The gears are definitely turning, but he simply cannot believe it, and it is so fascinating to me thinking about all these little microexpressive moments we get from Ai Di later on in the show that he really does not believe that Chen Yi kissing him in Episode 6 was Chen Yi actually admitting feelings, because every time that Ai Di tries something like torturing Chen Yi with spicy baby corn, or flirting to try to get Chen Yi to be uncomfortable or to back off, he reacts with genuine confusion when Chen Yi flirts back. 

Case in point: 

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

gif by @shijiujun

Bai Zong Yi and Fan Ze Riu First Kiss

It’s really interesting for me to compare this kiss to the Ai Di and Chen Yi kiss because they feel like completely mirrored (read: reversed) reactions. Where Ai Di leans in to his kiss for a moment for a moment and then forces himself to push away, preventing further intimacy, Fan Ze Rui forces himself to push away for a moment and then leans in to it, allowing the intimacy to proceed.

gif by @alejunsu

The set up is incredible, and in my opinion, foreshadows the fake amnesia plot in that Ze Rui is absolutely laser focused on his task (treating Zong Yi’s wounds) and intentionally ignoring everything else because he knows that it is irresponsible for him to initiate a relationship with a seventeen year old. Zong Yi is the first to lean in and go for a kiss, and he lingers at a distance that is respectful but with obvious intent for as long as it takes Ze Rui to look up and notice. There is a split second where Ze Rui’s eyes flit down to Zong Yi’s lips, and then he puts himself right back on task. Zong Yi is not to be dissuaded and goes in for the kiss again. Ze Rui notices, and grabs at Zong Yi’s shoulder to stop him, furrowing his brow in what I would consider confusion and focus, but once again his eyes betray him and he looks back at Zong Yi’s lips. This time without looking away, so Zong Yi continues, leaning in slowly and Ze Rui is drawn in at this point, he is frozen there, he isn’t trying to disengage from the inevitable anymore, unable to rebel against his own desire. 

gif by @alejunsu

Their lips meet, and to me it looks like Ze Rui is shocked, like his brain has short circuited and he doesn’t know where to go from here. It’s like his body is just reacting and reacting before his brain can catch up with the responsibility. He kisses back before his brain has really processed what is happening, and then he knows he shouldn’t be doing this so he tries to push away in the most half-hearteded attempt to be responsible, and a second later he’s abandoned the effort and started engaging more enthusiastically in the kiss. 

I do not fucking know how Hsu Kai does it because I swear to god Fan Riyu was cycling through about a hundred different emotions in this one moment and they were all acting against his physical reaction to the kiss. The way his arm goes out to Bai Zong Yi's shoulder to try to keep physical distance between the two of them, while he is having a full out internal war with himself? Holy fucking shit. It’s really like his brain is going “is this actually happening? Shit yes it is I have to- fuck it” 

gif by @maxescheibechlinichacheli

And at the start of his active participation in the kiss he is still not letting himself have it. I think he is still stuck on the fact that he shouldn’t be doing this, and as a result he pushes Zong Yi back so he can see his face, study it. All it takes is for Bai Zong Yi to go back in yet again to continue their kiss, and then it’s all over for Fan Ze Rui. He’s all in. His hand goes to Zong Yi’s face, to his neck, and before we know it he is pulling himself in to Zong Yi’s lap from the floor so  smoothly. 

Reunion Sex 

I initially was only going to focus on the Ep 6 Ai Di x Chen Yi and the Episode 7 Zong Yi x Ze Rui moments in this post, but I am so in love with the structure of the reunion sex scene that I absolutely had to talk about it. 

Again, I do not understand how actors work because Hsu Kai just knocks it out of the motherfucking park. I love that when Fan Ze Rui rouses from sleep and starts muttering under his breath and engagin with Zong Yi, you don’t need any visual confirmation from the story whatsoever to understand that Ze Rui definitely has actual dreams of reuniting with Bai Zong Yi. And you don’t need that additional confirmation because of how Hsu Kai sells the talking in his sleep moment here when he’s riding on the pills and alcohol. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He blinks through heavy lids and reaches out toward Zong Yi instantly, his smile is absent and dreamy, and unrestrained in a way that genuinely impresses me because I feel like it is hard to pull off acting the kind of drowsy you are when you’re still trapped in the limbo between wake and sleep when you’re not actually experiencing it. Ze Rui’s touches are unrestrained, his eyes are barely opened under their own weight, and he’s loose and droopy still when Bai Zong Yi lifts him in to the hug. Ze Rui’s bones look heavy and his muscles look loose, and he’s not really able to maintain his own structure as a result. Settling back flat pretty quickly have Zong Yi has released him from his embrace. 

And then the light changes and the setting gets dreamier despite the fact that Ze Riu is actually starting to wake up, being reminded this is real, Zong Yi is real with grounded touches that we see in close up. And I am so sad we don’t get to see Ze Rui’s face at the exact moment of the scene when it clicks for him that this is real, because it happens during the close up of the hands (which I am also fine with :D). But when we pull back out into the wider shot, Ze Rui is already sobbing against Bai Zong Yi’s cheek. And Ze Rui tries his damndest to be his normal jokey, smiley self once he knows what is happening is real, because that’s who Zong Yi loves, and that’s who Zong Yi deserves after all the pain he’s suffered for Ze Rui but instead he just…breaks. Y’all I lost it at the way all the strength just falls away from Ze Rui’s voice when he says “kiddo”. How small he sounds when he says he’s sorry. The meekness in his voice during his own apology speaks volumes for how important it is, how much weight it carries. Because Ze Rui knows what happened to Zong Yi over the past four years. He knows all of it. He knows that Zong Yi went to prison to protect him, he knows that Zong Yi got attacked there, he knows that Zong Yi has memory problems now because of it. 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

He has all of this guilt that is driving the way he interacts with Bai Zong Yi in their interlude here. By the way: “It’s been 1,573 days. Did it hurt?” is joining my list of Incredibly Devastating Lines. And it’s not just because of the line itself, it’s not just because of the way Bai Zong Yi shakes his head no. It’s especially devastating to me because right before Ze Rui asks the question, he slides his hand up to the back of Bai Zong Yi’s head and massages it a little bit with his thumb, like he’s trying to rub at an ache in hopes of getting rid of the pain. It is in no way the focus of the scene, and the action is mostly cut off and regailed to the edge of the screen, but jesus fucking christ it did wonders for me in terms of selling the scene. 

Anyway, Ginny was right, the body language was incredible, and I’m glad I didn’t watch this live or else I’d have gotten zero sleep writing essays every day of the week about some of these scenes

[tavyliasin]

Villain-Fucker Angst Hours

Good timezone, darlings~ Are you ready to get all up in your feelings? No? Me neither, loves, but here we are regardless so the words are going to flow as they usually do... This is focused on Raphael from Baldur's Gate 3 and his fandom, but the latter section can easily apply to any villain fandom.

Self-Analysis of Devil-Fuckery, Or Why Do I Adore Raphael When He Is Very Obviously Evil: A Short Essay by TavyliaSin (Who Still Cannot Name Anything With Less Than A Full Paragraph) ((NSFW)) (((Game Spoilers)))

The following may discuss heavier topics, but without specifics, so whilst it should be safe for most to read without triggering any difficult memories please be aware of Raphael's entire vibes, the content and context of his story, and I'd also like to mention that this isn't a "woe be us for we are terrible people" piece, it's actually more about:

"There is an inherent kindness and warmth to much of the Raphael fandom, and I think there could be some common threads behind that, pulling us all in closer in a comforting blanket that we wrap around each other to keep out the cold of the world."

So, what in the nine hells am I on about? Well. Raphael-fandom is a wild and wonderful place to be. The rest is in sections, so feel free to skip through to what you feel is relevant to your interests. I am so prone to waffle I should open a restaurant~

Who Are Fans Of Raphael? What Do They Want?

We are feral, unhinged, all sheets to the wind "I want that devil man, carnally, and there is no force in all the planes that could stop me". There's the vanilla to the extreme and every level in between, tops, bottoms, versatiles, Doms, subs, and switches - there are a whole lot of people who would love to get their hands on either (or both) of Raphael's forms, for a simple smooch or something far more spicy~ [edited in] To add on to this, not all of us even desire him in a sexual way, for many it is romantic, soft, or even just the rather pleasant thought of spending an evening with drinks by the hellfire because he would be fascinating company. Aces, Aros, and AroAces may all find themselves well within the devilish corners of fandom too~ which is a whole other essay~ [end edit] So, I see you. I'm one of you. Extremely loud and utterly hingeless in my fan appreciation for Raphael. He's one of my favourites to write about, I seek art of him, and the same goes for his mirrored other half, Haarlep, who I arguably love more despite there being far less content of them in the game.

And the Fandom? The Vibe?

From my experience in the Raphael Fandom areas, we have a very deep and abiding understanding of consent, respect, and treating each other with an absolute and uncompromising kindness. We've had talks about keeping each other safe in fandom, exchanged details of people we have encountered who need to be avoided, even shared details between moderators of different fandom servers to pre-ban people proven to be creeps and/or art thieves. We've also discussed consent, including the issues with it in the game, and how areas of the story can only really be considered dubious at best and could easily be triggering for people. And these discussions have been open, honest, fair, and with the acknowledgement that most of us love these scenes anyway. So there's a sense of care that runs through everything, behind the horny-posting and fan content, behind the endless thirsting after our favourite fictional characters. We have a depth of kindness that warms my sinners soul every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Self-Reflection, Raphael, or Villainy In General?

Well let's look at Raphael. He's a villain, obviously. He's manipulative, devious, and inherently evil by his very nature. He keeps Hope chained in his basement, constantly subjected to endless torture. There's also mention of how Gortash was sold into his service at a young age, clearly not an enjoyable experience given the other details and how things turn out (particularly as Raphael would need Gortash's own plans to fail entirely in order for him to succeed in his own and get that crown). And as fans, we accept that. We don't sit making excuses, or trying to say "well actually Gortash is a little shit and Hope probably deserve it", and we don't shy away from or conveniently ignore those darker sides of him with malicious intent to enable more evil to flourish. What I noticed, when I allowed the thoughts to continue, is that there is a theme here.

If Evil Can Be Loved Then So Can I

That's the core. Of course, darlings, I am not claiming to be a heinous monster. I certainly do not have a laundry list of crimes that would make the devil himself say "Uh, that's a bit much." But I sure as fuck treat myself like I do sometimes. You see, I think a lot of us have that tendency, to judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else. Our patience, understanding, and forgiveness for others runs deeper than the Mariana Trench, but when it comes to our own flaws? One minor mistake and we think ourselves to be the worst beings ever to disgrace the earth. Thus, the villainy we see reflects how we are treating ourselves. So by loving and accepting all of those things that should be terrible, hated, we are actually learning that no matter how poorly we think of ourselves that we can be worthy of that same love and acceptance. We are extending the affection we are unable to show ourselves to someone we see the worst parts of ourselves amplified within. And that's why villains attract the people with the most kindness. The most forgiveness. Because it takes someone with a truly huge amount of empathy to find love for the embodiment of evil.

Or, IDK, maybe villains are just hot and we're too far down to care.

But wait, before you go!

THERE'S SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT.

All of this is about FICTION. We should never be accepting of the kinds of evil we see in the game irl. We do not owe anyone kindness if they do not show it to us.

What is hot in fiction is not always OK IRL.

Look after yourselves out there, remember that consent is key in all things, and please do try to learn to love yourselves, darlings, you are worthy of it and you should judge yourself by the same standard you judge others. If you are in doubt, if you are worried, if you feel afraid - reach out, talk to someone. There are many who will listen.

Treat yourself as you would treat a friend. You deserve that much.

Oh, and all Raphael fans who understand kindness are welcome around me, any hour of the day, I adore our little fandom circles and would gladly collect all of us together. I'm following a lot of you as soon as I find you, like hunting shiny pokemon~

See you in Avernus, my darling Little Mice, may we all find joy in the Cambion's Embrace~

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I realise you're HE, but any thoughts on how high school level education should be run/changed/etc? I'd love to know your views!

Oh sure, plenty, but they're not particularly informed lol

Well; Wales is actually massively and fundamentally changing secondary education atm, but we won't be getting students from it until the year after next, I think, so no real comment on effectiveness yet - but it's very interesting. They're getting rid of isolated subjects in favour of broad umbrella areas, as I understand it? So there's now Science and Technology (Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Computing, and all the various DT subjects like Woodwork, Electronics, Cookery, etc), Maths and Numeracy, Humanities (History, Geography, Ethics, Religion), Languages Literacy and Communication, and Health and Wellbeing (actually maybe Cookery comes under this one now? Dunno.) And there's a sixth to do with arts but I can't remember what it's called. But it includes Art, Drama, Media Studies, etc.

And then the idea is that a class will learn about a given topic at a time (I don't know for how long, so let's say six weeks), and this will be taught in each of those six umbrellas but via their own methods. So like... I dunno, let's say the Tudors:

That's fairly straightforward for Humanities, but in addition to giving you the historical facts you'd also explore historic trade routes and natural resources of the time and how they related to the politics (geography), the religious make up of the country and how THAT related to the politics (religion), etc.

Maths and Numeracy might explore how to use statistics to analyse Tudor era population or trade data.

Science and Tech could look at disease outbreaks and virology, or technological advancements and how they worked and get students to build one, or get students to construct a Tudor-era town using computer software

Languages can study plays from the era (Shakespeare), look at linguistic development, or use historical events as talking points to practice using vocab in conversations

Health and Wellbeing can explore stressors and challenges of the average Medieval peasant and how they overcame them, or play some popular Tudor sport or game, or make food to Tudor recipes, etc

The Arts one (god I cannot remember the name) can look at art history of the period, fashions, perform plays, etc

So everyone is still teaching the skills and knowledge of their subject areas, they're just united by one big case study. It apparently allows for far more integrated teaching, too, where two previously discrete subjects can join forces on a project.

All of which seems pretty good, on the whole, but also rife with issues if everyone isn't careful, so we'll see how it shakes out over the next few years.

From my own experiences of school though. Jesus. Something definitely needed to happen, fuck me.

What I should have learned in Textiles:

How to use a sewing machine

How to sew by hand to mend a tear

How to darn a hole

How to hem, dart, take in, and let out clothes

How to sew from a pattern

What I actually learned in Textiles:

How to use a sewing machine on its most basic setting

How to phone in creating a hand puppet out of felt because gluing was easier than sewing

How to badly sew an extremely makeshift and shit bag out of scrap fabric that you in no way want to then use

How to lose all interest in Textiles because it was useless and uninteresting

Like that is a VITAL skillset-imparting subject, and they fucked it, lads, they completely fucked it. Why did they never set us the task of buying a cheap shirt from a charity shop that we then amended in class? That would have been so useful.

Games and PE! Fucking hell! Here's what I should have learned:

How to stretch my body safely to target specific muscle groups, and in particular, how to cultivate a daily stretching routine I enjoyed and wanted to do

How to find a physical activity active enough to get me out of breath that I genuinely enjoyed, so that I wanted to continue it, e.g. salsa dancing or rope climbing or ice skating or hill climbing or assault courses or fucking anything at all

How to build my body up to doing particular activities safely and sustainably

How to find a physical activity to do on wet, cold, rainy days that would still be fun and I would still enjoy

Here's what I actually learned:

Physical activity is always uncomfortable and miserable and sometimes even painful

If you aren't enjoying running around in the wind and rain instead of the indoor gym The Problem Is You. Start Enjoying It.

Wanting to stay warm and dry and comfortable is a punishable choice.

You are only permitted to do physical activity in clothes that make you feel profoundly exposed and uncomfortable (a gym skirt and gym knickers in my school. Cycling shorts got you detention. Don't get me started on jogging bottoms.) Again, if you do not enjoy this, The Problem Is You. Start Enjoying It.

There are only three activity options. If you don't enjoy any of them, physical activity is not for you.

You should be able to Just Do physical exercise, without any training to build you up to it. If you can't and it hurts, this is because you're Bad At PE.

You will only be shown Once

Physical activity is only ever a team sport that you aren't good enough to be willingly picked for

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

And you know what, LET'S round off with Food Technology/Cookery. Because I remember the things I was asked to make in FT. As a little baby Year 7, I still vividly remember two of the things we made.

Angel Delight. Easy, you might say! A simple treat, you might think! Easing the children into food prep, I hear you cry! But no, because the theme of the year was healthy eating, and so we were to add fruit to our Angel Delight. Any flavour Angel Delight, any fruit. Off you go. I don't know if any of you have encountered fruit, Tumblrs, but it famously has faintly acidic juice. This will prevent the Angel Delight from setting within the one hour lesson, no matter how well you mixed the pudding, or how quickly you got it into the fridge. It will result in soggy gross lumps of oxidising fruit in sloppy liquid pudding. Lesson learned: fruit makes food worse.

Cake. Easyish, you might say! A little harder than the Angel Delight but good training, you might think! A fairly straightforward process with a child-friendly food at the end, I hear you cry! But no, because the theme of the year was still healthy eating, so the teachers made it into an experiment; make four small cakes. One with sugar, one with sweetener, one with apple, and one with carrot. Then taste them and rank them in order. Off you go. I don't know if any of you have ever tried eating sugarless carrot cake, Tumblrs, but I have, and I can tell you categorically that it really puts the "Did you know" into the phrase "Did you know that fructose and sucrose are not actually equivalents of each other in a culinary setting?" It was rancid. It was disgusting. It was vile. It made me hate carrot cake for the next 12 years, in case my mouth had to go through that ordeal again. I'm still highly suspicious of the stuff even now. To (I assume) the surprise of fuck-damned no one, we unanimously put them in the order of sugar, sweetener, apple, carrot. Lesson learned: FRUIT MAKES FOOD WORSE AND CARROTS ARE ACTIVELY DISGUSTING

What possessed them?! No idea. Fucking hell.

Anyway this is getting long and I am still ill-informed. Peace out.

[vladdyissues]

OK, I need an opinion from someone who is a Pompous Pep fan for this. I don't know if you know the different types of Au that have existed in this shop for a long time (I don't know your age but I assume you are older?), I read one in particular that reminded me a lot of the mafia and I wanted to ask you. My cousin sent it to me and the truth is that the subject matter is funny and impertinent and I want you to give your opinion on it (I have my cousin's permission for this, it will be fun I guess)

"It is about the fact that due to lack of resources, Amity Park falls into an economic crisis where the rich do not help the poor... in this case, Mayor Vlad Masters does not help anyone, on the contrary, everyone is looking for a way to survive in the face of the prices that Only people with great resources can have it, Madey and Jack, victims of this, try to talk to Vlad so that he can at least help their children have a life in a place with resources, Vlad refuses... Until he gives them a small opportunity He tells them that he will accept Danny for a few months, that they prepare him and that he will see if he can, I don't know... go down a little or give things away to those with low incomes. He made it public and everyone agreed, threatening Danny that he had to behave for the good of the people

Danny, forced to do so, arrives at the Masters mansion and Vlad limits his powers and any type of option to get away. "eh eh, Daniel, Fenton thermoses are not accepted in this place...And by the way, you will be subjected to a power timer until the week is over" "You can't do that!" "Of course I can." Vlad uses the argument that if he doesn't do what he wants, it will go badly for Amity Park and his parents, so Vlad is forced to become Vlad's toy, who is forced, manipulated, to do what Vlad asks of him without refuse, try to escape?, for what? ...his parents would suffer the consequences as would Jazz and his friends. He has no choice but to accept his new life

His family and friends can come to visit him on a schedule, what's left of time Danny is forced to stay with Vlad locked in his big mansion-"

Duhh...Danny doesn't pay attention to Vlad and Amity Park has a power outage for a week-/jk

This is a fantastic idea. The plot is solid—introducing the problem (conflict), the antagonist (Vlad), the antagonist's solution, and the protagonist's struggle—and it's extremely compelling. I mean, Danny being held against his will by Vlad Masters in order to help the people he loves? He would do that. As much as it would kill him, he'd do it.

It could be played as comedic or dramatic. (Personally, as much as I love humor and shenanigans, I'd love to see this story playing out seriously.) There are superb whump opportunities here, as well as great moments for character development. Does Vlad change for the better after living with Danny for a while, or does he eventually succeed in corrupting Danny? Do they find a solution to the financial problem Amity Park is facing, or is Danny going to have to live with Vlad for years? Does Danny eventually go off the deep end and murder Vlad in cold blood and inherit his millions? There's so much to explore in a situation like this. It could lean toward Pompous Pep or Badger Cereal or something else altogether, and it'd still be supremely interesting.

[dionysus-complex]

you mentioned you specialize in roman violence. can you rec any good works on the subject, especially during the late antique period? how much (or little) time/writing did latin authors spend on the question of the necessity/morality/glory of violence, especially when bound up with empire and borders? did rhetoric around domestic violence evolve?

It's obviously a massive topic, so it's difficult to know where to begin! For looking at violence in Late Antiquity, I highly recommend the work of Maijastina Kahlos as a starting point - most of her scholarship deals with tensions between religious communities in the Roman Empire in Late Antiquity, and I've found it extremely clear and illuminating. For Late Antique slavery, I'd look at Jennifer Trimble's work, especially "The Zoninus Collar and the Archaeology of Roman Slavery" (2016, JSTOR link here). On the intersections of violence and the legal system, I'd recommend Sarah Bond's 2014 article "Altering Infamy: Status, Violence, and Civic Exclusion in Late Antiquity" (JSTOR link here) as well as Julia Hillner's 2015 book Prison, Punishment and Penance in Late Antiquity. Amy Richlin is essential reading on Roman violence in general, and I'd highly highly recommend her piece "Cicero's Head" in Constructions of the Classical Body (ed. James Porter, 1999) if you have access to an academic library and can get a hold of it; it's explicitly framed as a Jewish, post-Holocaust reflection on the violence of the Roman proscriptions and civil wars and has been profoundly influential on my own thinking.

In general, Imperial-era Latin authors spend a lot of time thinking about the necessity/morality/glory of violence, to the point that I'd say violence is the key theme in Imperial Latin literature. It's often bound up with Stoic philosophy (in the 1st-2nd c. CE; Seneca's De Ira is a key text - you might take a look at sections 3.18-19 on torture under Caligula), and given the bias of our sources which skew toward the elite/senatorial-class perspective, it can be harder to track down texts that explicitly make the link between violence and Roman imperium. One famous example is the speech of Calgacus in Tacitus' Agricola 29-32 (link to a translation here), which purports to be the speech of a Celtic general in Britain rousing his troops to battle against the Romans in the 80s CE. Given that speeches in Roman historiography are generally regarded as being compositions by the historian, it's important to ask why exactly Tacitus of all people gives a prominent place to a scathing critique of Roman imperium - there are lots of ideas on this and few definitive answers, but it's a startling passage to say the least.

Imperial Latin epic poetry (e.g. Lucan's Bellum Civile; Statius' Thebaid) is well known for being graphically violent in the extreme (as in brutal torture, dismemberment, and one infamous instance of brain-eating in Thebaid 8), and there's a lot of work on how and why violence becomes highly aestheticized for Imperial Latin poets. There's also the genre of Roman declamation (difficult to explain, but essentially something like mock trial cases that were used for rhetorical education and showmanship), which frequently explores extremely violent scenarios involving torture, kin-killing, etc. Most scholars these days tend to read declamation as a space where (elite, male) Romans worked out and interrogated various cultural anxieties and taboos. Because of this, you get some of the strongest condemnations of violence found anywhere in Latin literature in the declamatory corpus, but it's difficult to extrapolate from that because again it's something like mock trial and rhetorical showmanship that does not necessarily map on to real-life Roman attitudes.

I've barely scratched the surface and there's a lot more I could say but I'll cut myself off here - I might be able to offer more specific recs if you're interested in e.g. violence as spectacle, aesthetics and artistic representations of violence, etc.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Hey! Alway me🫣🤭.

I need to ask cause you draw so well.

I really like the poses and bodies you do, so I was wondering: Do you have any tips for learning how to draw bodies, hands, faces, etc. well?

Hello again!! Thank you so much for enjoyin my work !!!!

I didn't think I'd type up much in response to this, but. Oops!!!!!! So I have all of my notes below the cut :]

With regards to drawing anatomy and the sort, the shortest way I can say it is to study exactly what you're looking to draw: it's easy to generally say 'just study' or 'study everything' when it comes to art, but if you don't know exactly what you want to improve on, you're not going to make as much progress as you may want. You'll need a starting point, and identifying things like bodies/muscles, faces, hands and the like of what you want to focus on drawing is a great start!

For starters, I for sure recommend looking into muscle anatomy charts and models- something like these:

Color blocked diagrams like this can help identify the shapes of muscles, and generally once you understand the shapes of them and how they fit together, drawing anatomy as a whole starts to come easier: once you've made sense of the muscles of the body, you better understand where they belong and how they'll move, and therefore you can plan/visualize them better.

You know how sometimes people have to disassemble an engine and then reassemble it to better understand it? Think of it that way: you deconstruct your subject, study it, and- with a better understanding of it- put it back together!

Moreover, once you know the rules of anatomy, you can start to bend it when working with perspectives. make sure to look at plenty of photo references to understand this!

Perspective's a different subject I'm gonna pivot to really quick: it seems scary at first, but you just need time to study and play around with it, like with anything you're studying.

Generally speaking, the closer something is to the camera, the bigger it'll be. When we try to draw these extreme perspectives in mind- I, at least- get worried about it looking inaccurate or 'wrong'. But it's good to embrace that exaggeration at times! It helps add emphasis to your piece (especially if there's movement or action!), and it's why we learn these rules of anatomy and perspective: to harness them and break them when necessary. If you feel as though something looks off though, don't be afraid to look for reference images.

I don't use them much nowadays, but 'art dolls' can help you out with posing and perspectives at the start! You don't need a physical doll either: my personal favorite site was justsketch.me. It's totally free, and you can add multiple figures to a 'set' if you need to. Play around with it for a bit: it's pretty fun just posing the dolls!

Back to muscles though...

Obviously, you don't have to map out muscles like this every time. Just doing this a couple times once in a while as an exercise helps you get associated with the shapes of the muscles, especially when applying it to poses you're looking to draw.

*Quick note: the forearm's bone- the ulna- twists when bent as shown in this reference, hence the 'twisting' shape of the lime greens!

As for hands, I hope this quick little chart can help! again, a big help- for me- is understanding the shapes and how they all connect, and how parts of the hand move and work. Like I said before, looking at references will help a lot.

With hands and poses alike, I honestly recommend tracing your pose/reference of interest first, if you have one. Doing this lets you get a 'feel' of how to draw what you'd like, plus it allows you to become more familiar with the details of what you're drawing. After you get a grasp for that, free-handing poses will come easier. If you're able- whether that's taking pictures or looking at a mirror- yourself can be a good reference for your drawings too! You'll know exactly what you're looking for, and you don't have to worry about hunting for The Perfect Reference.

As for faces, part of that is based on style- BUT I hope how my approach to drawing faces can help!

If I May Provide A Quick Demo on how I go about learning to draw new characters: I do a fair amount of studying whenever drawing real people (as I do with my movie!x-men art), so I hope looking at my process can help you see my thinking in action.

Michael Fassbender probably has one of my favorite faces to draw since it's so distinct in shapes and therefore pretty easy to understand and draw, so I'm gonna borrow him for this:

I always have a set of reference images of the person/character I'm drawing off to the side. For this demo, I'm just going to use these few

When I first start to get to know a person's face, I start off with generic shapes. Almost like I have to carve the rest of their features out of this 2D marble slab, I guess is a way I can put it. While drawing Michael/Erik, I always think of how 'square' or boxy his face is as a starting point. Thereafter, I look closer at the details of his face and gradually start 'grinding' the 'marble' to be more specific to his face shape.

In this case, although I can 'summarize' his face with a square, I also acknowledge it's not perfectly square and that he has a rounded jawline, chin, and forehead. Still: I ask myself why I think his face is so 'square', and a part of it's because of how pronounced his features are: they give him a sharper look.

That 'sharper' look is displayed best at his cheeks/cheekbones, so I highlight it, as I feel it's a distinguishing feature of his face I want to capture.

So I have his general shapes down- but I also know Michael has very distinguished expressions as well! So I go look at my sources and no this wasn't an excuse to rewatch First Class I sweaarrr <-lying to see how his face moves depending on what he's expressing or even how he talks. When I understand how his face moves, then I can start to draw expressions I feel are more 'natural' or 'accurate'. The rest of his face just falls into place after that.

Once I have my notes, then I just do some rough sketches and I put what I learnt into practice. And then uh... yeah! That's how I do that.

Evidently, this way of study doesn't work if you're drawing a character with no real-life model. Moreover, some styles are a lot more simple than what I have going on here, and some subjects may be better suited for a different art style all together: it ultimately depends on what you find the most fun and what you think feels right to you!

I'm not sure I have any other tips off the top of my head, but if you have any please feel free to ask! Drawing takes time to get the hang of and to figure out what you like, so I hope you have fun on your artistic journey!

Happy drawing!

[saintsenara]

What do you think about Tom Riddle Sr?And your thoughts on Tom Riddle Sr/Merope Gaunt as a ship? I read some of your answers on Merope Gaunt and I just adore your fic 'Enchanter's Nightshade'. I was curious as to what your thoughts are on his canon character, the way that he is treated in fanon and if you have any headcanons on his character

thank you very much for the asks, pal - and i'm sorry that i'd entirely forgotten that i had an answer for the first sitting in my drafts until the second arrived in my inbox...

[thank you also for the very kind shoutout to enchanter's nightshade!]

and i find tom sr. extremely interesting as a character, and he's someone i think quite a lot of compelling stuff can be done with in fanfiction - particularly in how fic writers can take a sledgehammer to how he's treated by the canon narrative...

which - of course - means that there is a trigger warning for a discussion of rape in what follows, which is under the cut.

tom and merope

it's worth starting by emphasising that the series never thinks of tom sr. as a victim. it treats love potions as benign and broadly amusing [the only time we ever see someone under the influence of one - ron in half-blood prince - it's played for laughs], describes merope's drugging of tom sr. as something she would consider "romantic", and never acknowledges that she was his rapist.

[although it is important to point out that the fanon that voldemort's issues with love come from the circumstances of his conception is something jkr never said. and i also think that it's important, when thinking about tom and merope's relationship, to recognise that all the evidence of canon is that she is subjected to incestuous sexual violence at the hands of her brother and/or father - she is an abused teenager with no meaningful understanding of consent or bodily autonomy, and she evidently views her "relationship", as she sees it, with tom as a means of escaping a life which is undeniable, unrelenting misery.]

[which is to say - i find tom and merope interesting as a pairing because of this inherent nuance, tragedy and violence.]

the series also criticises tom sr. for leaving the relationship - in line both with its broader disdain for absent fathers and idealisation of devoted mothers, and with its prioritisation of love-as-suffering and love-as-sacrifice over forms of love which are more self-indulgent. its view is evidently that tom sr. should have gritted his teeth and remained in merope's life in some way or another [maybe not as her husband, but also not as her survivor] in order to have been involved in his son's life.

indeed, it always stands out to me that - when discussing tom sr. fleeing his abusive relationship - dumbledore refers to merope as "merope riddle". emphasising that the two were married underscores the fact that the text views tom sr. as straightforwardly unadmirable - a husband and father who abandoned his family.

[and he gets his comeuppance. i think it's worth noting that the narrative isn't sympathetic at all about his death - the opening chapter of goblet of fire, where voldemort's murder of the riddles is described, states plainly that nobody likes them - and he finds himself unable to outrun the son he left behind when that son uses his bones in his resurrection ritual... the subtext is clear: abandoning your son was the wrong move, and since good people - like james and lily - don't abandon their son even after their deaths, tom sr. is therefore a bad person.]

that both dumbledore and harry see him like this makes sense within their watsonian characterisations. harry has - as he says when lupin tries to walk out on the pregnant tonks - the view that parents should never abandon their children unless they have literally no choice, which is a perfectly understandable opinion for an orphan who lost their parents in such traumatic circumstances to hold [he also takes a very dim view on merope for dying]. dumbledore, who recognises the dangerous paths overwhelming desire can lead one down, sees himself in merope, and is therefore less willing to examine the cruelty of her actions.

voldemort also thinks of him in this vein - his view of his father, expressed during his resurrection scene in goblet of fire, is that he abandoned merope [with whom he had a consensual relationship] in a fit of pique when she confessed to him that she was a witch. voldemort thinks of his father as a deadbeat who left him to rot - and the series never takes issue with him holding this view, even as it works to prove many of the other things he believes about himself, magic, and power wrong.

tom and voldemort

the role tom sr. plays in voldemort's narrative arc, then, is pretty much unconnected to his experiences at merope's hands - he is not considered by the text to be a warning about the corrosive, oppressive, violent potential of using magic against muggles which voldemort follows his mother in doing, for example.

his role in his son's arc across the seven-book canon is to underscore that voldemort will never successfully outrun his muggle heritage - the fact that his son has his face and his name [and the fact that dumbledore, and then harry, insist on using this name for him after voldemort sheds it, which is - and we should call it what it is, especially given jkr's stance on such things - deadnaming] serves as a way for the text to criticise and humiliate voldemort, undermining his belief that he's something pure and special [and undermining his pride in his descent from slytherin] by making clear that, when all is said and done, he's just an ordinary man with a muggle father.

and so his death occurs purely to enable this narrative treatment of voldemort. he has to kill his dad - because he's trying to eradicate anything muggle from himself - and so the action becomes all about him. tom is basically just there.

but this is something i really like playing with in my own work. i always end up writing tom sr. as not only physically resembling his son - except for the fact, and i'll die on the hill that this is the canon text's intention, that voldemort has his mother's eyes - but as being the source of his mannerisms and many of his non-childhood-trauma-induced personality traits.

partially this is because i think we might as well take the series' belief that voldemort can't escape the riddle genes and go the whole hog with it.

but it's also because i think it's worth skewering the series' view of voldemort's slytherin heritage as - essentially - dooming him to be incapable of change in either positive or negative directions. the way the gaunts are described in canon - violent, unstable, grandiose etc. - is set up to suggest that voldemort gets these aspects of his personality from them, that - like the parseltongue - being a terrorist with delusions of grandeur is just something the heirs of slytherin are bound to inherit.

but i like idea of these traits coming from the less mystical branch of voldemort's lineage - and his decision to indulge them being nothing more than deliberate choice.

tom riddle sr. character notes and headcanons

which leads us to the question of what tom sr. is like as a character separate from merope and voldemort.

we only see him once in canon - where he's talking in a carrying voice to cecilia about how much land his dad owns and correctly identifying morfin as a danger to society - and he's only mentioned a handful more times: his whirlwind marriage; his return home a few months later, which he explains as him having realised he'd been "hoodwinked"; the fact that he's considered even worse than his "rich, snobbish, and rude" parents by the villagers of little hangleton in the period immediately before his death; and that he dies in his evening clothes with a look of pure terror on his face.

his gravestone in the goblet of fire film has him born in 1905, and i like this [although i push his date of birth back a couple of years in order for him to have finished university when he's attacked by merope] because it enables him to be a stereotypical "bright young thing" - the sort of dissolute aristocrat, untroubled both by his father's victorian morals and by the devastating impact of the first world war on men a decade or so older than him, whose exploits dominate our image of the roaring twenties [or - at least - the roaring twenties in britain]. at the start of 1925, before his life all goes wrong, i like him as idle, profligate, bohemian, constantly partying, a keen user of cocaine, promiscuous, vain, and incredibly rude to his servants, tradesmen, and policemen and so on - spending his days in a whirlwind of hangovers, tennis, elaborate fancy-dress balls, modern novels, dining at his club, and piles of liberated flappers, vile bodies [and jeeves and wooster...] style.

and i do think the idea of him as lazy, convinced of his own brilliance, and complacent [personality traits not helped by an education at eton and oxford - he takes a fourth, the lowest-possible passing classification, on a degree in greats - which he has neither the intellect nor the work ethic to succeed at without the power of daddy's money] offers a really interesting side to him being preyed on by merope.

i like him as someone who thinks of himself as rational, cheerfully irreligious, and far too modern and well-bred to waste his time on the silly superstitions of the boring, ordinary people in the village. him mentioning to cecilia about the stories the villagers tell about morfin can be read as him being condescendingly amused by local folklore surrounding the gaunts - a sort of "would you believe it, one of our gardeners is convinced they're wizards! too, too funny!" vibe - and i really like writing him as someone whose total rejection of the possibility of magic and conviction that the gaunts are just pitiable and disgusting, rather than dangerous [the view of the rest of the village], means that when merope offers him a glass of shimmering water he thinks "why, what a lark!" instead of running.

when he returns home, however, i imagine him as profoundly changed - paranoid, beset by nightmares, increasingly superstitious [voldemort's own rather... catholic leanings being mirrored in his father going full sebastian flyte is delicious to me], unwilling to eat or drink anything he hasn't seen prepared [one of the reasons, perhaps, why the servants at the riddle house dislike him so much], unable to go anywhere near the stables and see the horse he was riding when evil befell him, unwilling to talk to anyone or receive visitors [hence his reputation for being snobbish and rude - the villagers interpret this as him thinking them beneath him], unwilling to spend money or give gifts because he's afraid of unwittingly finding himself ensnared again [giving him a reputation for being rather miserly], and so on.

i like the idea of him becoming incredibly reclusive, losing his interest in the social life he once enjoyed overnight, and spending his days sleeping poorly and staying inside. i imagine his parents being supportive to the best of their ability, but that tom's inability to speak openly what happened to him [he, like his son, doesn't like doctors because he fears they will accuse him of being mad] means they can only do so much. their understanding of tom's marriage is the same as the rest of the village's - that tom consensually slept with merope, she told him she was pregnant, he "did the right thing" and married her, and he then discovered she was lying.

[he knows - of course - that she was pregnant, and he is convinced in his bones that the child will one day find and destroy him...]

tom's obvious post-traumatic stress disorder would undoubtedly have been enough to exempt him from conscription when the second world war broke out - although, of course, his medical unfitness wouldn't have been described in these terms.

and i think it's really interesting to consider how this would be received in the village - especially since the riddles would have gone out of their way to conceal his mental state from the public [hence their performance of the rituals of aristocratic life - including taking their dinner in full evening dress - even after he comes home a changed man]. i really like the idea of the general view being that - unlike the ordinary, hard-working men of little hangleton - tom managed to buy his way out of service [not only in the army but also on the home front], and that, to be quite honest, it was no wonder wounded war-hero frank bryce snapped and killed him.

which is a nice segue into the fact that frank bryce/tom riddle sr. is a concept i've recently become completely convinced by. frank staying in the riddle house after he's eliminated as a suspect in the riddles' deaths is something i find really quite moving - not only because of what it says about the disconnect between the historical memory many brits have of the war and the war's reality that a disabled veteran would find himself with nowhere else to go, but because it must indicate a genuine affection for the riddles which nobody else shared. the garden bringing some comfort to tom sr. on his worst days triggering a solemn, steadfast love for him in frank [requited or not] which endured past his death really compels me.

[and i also think that frank having some deeper connection with tom sr. - rather than just being his gardener - provides a more satisfactory explanation for why voldemort uses him as a horcrux murder than we get in canon. voldemort seeing - in his father's mind or frank's - that the two were entangled in some way would only increase his fury that tom sr. abandoned him and his mother...]

i'm also hugely convinced by the potential of shipping tom sr. with dumbledore. i don't particularly like stories in which voldemort is collected from the orphanage and raised by his father - firstly, because most of the things i find interesting about him are so heavily rooted in his orphanhood, and secondly, because i think that tom sr.'s move would be to place his son as the ward of someone he felt certain he could pay to keep quiet rather than bringing him up himself. but i can see dumbledore becoming aware of a magical child lurking in a london orphanage years earlier than in canon, having some sort of misguided belief that he should track down said child's family, turning up on the doorstep of the riddle house with a sinister toddler glowering in his arms, and insinuating himself into tom sr.'s life in a way which is either very funny or very dark.

cecilia is also an incidental character i'm unjustifiably obsessed with. i like her as tom's casual girlfriend in 1925 - with neither of them imagining for a second that the relationship will ever be serious - who then turns into the only friend from his glamorous set who remains in contact with him when he comes home.

and - i'm afraid to say - the plot-bunny of cecilia deciding to try and unravel the mystery of what's made tom so ill and scouring london orphanages until she discovers tom jr. has now bounced into my head... joining the other tom sr. fic i would pay cash to see, a rebecca-style caper where the second mrs riddle is haunted everywhere she goes by the spectre of merope...

[ruumirmir]

𝘈 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘗𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘛𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 Part I Part II

ੈ♡˳ Author's◇ note - ladies and gentlemen i fear that im just yapping atp. Ough this is literally my own character how hard can it be to not make his dialogues ooc (quite a lot). aNYWAYS lo and behold part 2 of the voicelines. They're all subject to change as far as lorecrafting goes. But for now!!! loverboy has a lot to say:

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4] A big hulking figure followed by the sound of rattling metal chains as he walks...It would make anyone tremble with fear. Celestia knows what lies under that helmet, but you can rest assured that The Captain is fairly merciful to all. It's just a simple matter of being courteous and following orders. Dare I even say it... one thing that I've heard and observed from the grapevine- is that he's one of the more popular Harbingers... if the bold statements from my comrades are anything to go by.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘰𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4] Contrary to belief, the Prime Doctore is a completely sane man. His younger segments, not so much. His experiments have killed hundreds, and I'm sure he would continue if it wouldn't threaten Regrator's profits. He works a little too closely with Lord Regrator, which is bad enough for me. I can't stand it when he asks me to keep their struck deals and the Doctor's activities under wraps... but I do it anyway. I'd be happier if they were never in the same room together, but apparently, those two make 'quite the pair' if I had to quote some rumors.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵�� [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4] Her reputation as dangerous, even among the Harbingers, should suggest you steer clear of her. I once made the mistake of catching her closed gaze while I was at the palace- and a nasty feeling of paranoia plagued me for days on end. However, if you end up under her radar and she deems you 'interesting'... well- I'll send you my condolences.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘒𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘦 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

The Knave, Arlecchino... she's quite the enigma. While she and Lord Regrator are both Harbingers, their demeanors, methods, and goals cannot be more distinct. Her methods, to say the least, are a touch... extreme. There's no denying her skills as a master manipulator and ruthless 'Father' of the House of the Hearth. It's certainly an improvement from the late Crucabena, or so I've heard from the older orphans. But then again, I haven't noticed any changes in the mortality rate of her... "children".

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

The old Rooster's influence can be found throughout Snezhnaya, and his connections are vast. He seems to be on good terms with Regrator, but that's the only thing I'm sure of. He serves as an advisor to the Fatui Harbingers, and his assistance goes beyond the scope of his political power. I suspect there's something important that he may be working on, but I have no idea where to start… They say he's a master strategist, but his only plans involve making a show that impresses a crowd. I only hope the next time he assembles the Harbingers together, it will be over his casket.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

Sandrone is the head of a team of engineers who build mechanical lifeforms. Some are small and cute, others gigantic and powerful... but all are emotionless and unfeeling. When I hear the word "creation" I think of beauty and passion, but Sandrone seems to only care about destruction. Just like the mech that carries her around. You'd never see her alone; it's as if the puppet is her true identity.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘦 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

Tartaglia, or Childe as some people call him, He definitely has the strength of a Harbinger, that much is undeniable. But he can be impulsive, even downright suicidal at times. It's as if he has no fear of dying. I guess that's what happens when you live for the thrill of the battle. I can't deny that... Even though he's a loudmouth, his skills back up his words. I've seen him cut through enemies as if they were made of butter. That being said, he's still young at heart. Occasionally disruptive for the duties carried out. He's developed an interest in dueling with me ever since Pantalone granted me this title. Lucky for me, I can always request for Regrator's presence whenever I want him to turn tail and disappear.

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘓𝘢𝘥𝘺 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

The first time I saw Signora, I was struck by her beauty and gracefulness. Unfortunately, my admiration was short-lived as she turned to glare at me the moment she noticed. Arrogance. Ego. Self-conceit- now those are mere words when it comes to the Fair Lady. She was as cold as the snow that covers Snezhnaya and as temperamental as the flames she wielded. She had no tolerance for the weak and would just as easily snuff out a life without a second thought. Although I hold no love for her, I almost felt disrespected on her behalf when the Rooster thought to grant only half a day of mourning at her funeral.

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘐

The Northland Bank is a place of opportunity, a place where you can put your destiny into your own hands... and a place where you can see it stripped from you without warning. I have seen many people come and go in my time here. People from all walks of life, eager to make a name for themselves. Some have found the money and fortune they sought after, while others have fallen flat on their faces.

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘐𝘐 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 3]

I've seen countless conflicts waged with blood and steel, and they pale in comparison to the lives destroyed by the pen. They're both weapons in their own ways. The sword is more direct, no question about it. Yet the pen... it can cut in a more subtle manner, but it slices deep. Both are capable of ruining someone's life. The former requires power while the latter requires intelligence. Really brings out the irony in calling this feathered quill my 'signature' weapon.

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘐𝘐𝘐 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4]

To the untrained eye, it may seem like some sort of cruel joke. A title like ‘Venator Dux’ is usually given to one who would strike fear in their enemies and inspire confidence in their allies. Lord Regrator, however, has a different plan in mind. Pantalone sees me not as a ruthless warrior, but as the keeper of his secrets. Someone who can wield knowledge as a weapon and turn his enemies’ greed against them. To him, the title of ‘Venator Dux’ is a reminder of my duty. In his words, I was a useful piece that could shift the entire board on his whim. And isn't that something to take pride in? Knowing you're the most favored player in a man's game?

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘐𝘝 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 5]

My father died a proud soldier under the tsaritsa's name. He fought and bled on behalf of the nation she created and dedicated his life to protecting. *Sigh* My father would be ashamed if he could see me now, kneeling before a man. Especially after cursing his grave out for dying under another. The irony is not lost on me. Yet, I would rather serve a man who I respect, who I can reason with, than one who demands endless devotion from her subjects. In a strange way, I feel as though I am honouring my father's memory by following my own path.

𝘔𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳: 𝘝 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 6]

Hilarious to think back to my first year of duty. I was no more than a simple receptionist at the Northland Bank back then. Just another faceless pawn, doing my duty to the tsaritsa without questioning her intentions. All I knew was that I was serving the Fatui's goals. I did not kill anyone directly, yet I still had blood on my hands. Every transaction carried the potential for loss and pain, yet I pushed on regardless. I may have been just a receptionist, but I was already well aware of the cost of ambition. Pantalone then, was different from everyone else I'd met in the Fatui. He didn't use force of arms like the other Harbingers; instead, he used his words and intellect to manipulate the political landscape.

In addition, he held a unique perspective on the tsaritsa's ideals. Not once did he preach about blind devotion. He simply told me that if I wanted to make my mark on this world, I would have to be willing to play by his rules. It took me three years to realize what he insinuated... and I found myself gravitating back to him despite leaving the organization of my own accord.

𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘏𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘪𝘦𝘴 Playing the piano, perhaps? I'm no good at it yet... but I've been getting better with some help guiding my hand around the keys. It is... nice to unwind after a long day and let the instrument carry me away.

𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳'𝘴 𝘛𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 [Unlocked at Friendship Lv. 4] *Sigh*... I have to be diplomatic with people I despise and feign politeness with those who can’t hold a conversation to save their lives. Sometimes- when I’m in the middle of running an important operation, few of my juniors just keep making mistakes. It makes me wonder how Lord Regrator manages to do the same for days on end with a smile on his face... I'm not like him at all.

𝘍𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘥 I've got a soft spot for a well-seasoned dish of meat. Any kind really— A hearty serving does wonders. Leaves you delightfully stuffed full, satisfied, and warm. I'm not too worried about the specifics of the dish as long as I can savor a mouthful of rich flavor.

𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘍𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘍𝘰𝘰𝘥 Desserts that are too sweet are an affront to my tastebuds and moral values. Sugar is supposed to be an element, not the whole personality. The only thing that does it well is dark chocolate.

𝘙𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘎𝘪𝘧𝘵: 𝘐 Oh! A thoughtful choice, traveller. The aroma alone is tantalizing. Your efforts are appreciated. Thank you.

𝘙𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘎𝘪𝘧𝘵: 𝘐𝘐 Hmm... a pragmatic choice. It may not be an extravagant feast, but it serves its purpose. Your gesture is noted.

𝘙𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘎𝘪𝘧𝘵: 𝘐𝘐𝘐 An... interesting choice. I suppose variety is the spice of life, but I find my satisfaction elsewhere. Nonetheless, your intention is recognized. I won't let this go to waste.

𝘉𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺 Why is there a celebration? A date marking the day of your own birth... It's simply illogical, but the Fatui celebrate birthdays like everything else, so I'll play along. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! There, I said it. You're now a year older, and one year closer to old age and inevitable death. Oh- haha, don't sulk like that, I'm just pulling your leg. Relax. I wouldn't ignore such an occasion. Here, my gift to you... A box of my favorite chocolates. Freshly imported from Fontaine... straight from a bakery approved by Lady Furina herself. They're a bit expensive; but only the best for people I respect.

𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘈𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘐𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰 [Unlocked at Ascension Phase 1] There are depths to my abilities yet untapped. I'm flattered that you thought to lend me a hand.

𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘈𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘉𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘜𝘱 [Unlocked at Ascension Phase 2] Oh... careful now, I might want to test it out against you.

𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘈𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘹 [Unlocked at Ascension Phase 4]

Oh, I've unlocked something new... Fascinating. That burst of light was unexpected but now... I can feel the power. Everything feels lighter and sharper at the same time. I'd be a formidable force indeed in the coming weeks... Well, back to work. My Lord expects a report on current fiscal state by the end of the week.

𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘈𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯: 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 [Unlocked at Ascension Phase 6]

Aha, I can do a lot more now. More power, better focus, and more options. This is truly remarkable... I'd love to see how my coworkers react to this. Lord Pantalone will be especially pleased, I'd wager. He'd never pass up the opportunity to see his prized jewels shine brighter.

Bonus:

𝘖𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵

Why not try your luck at gambling if you're running low on mora?

You could con a pretty penny out of someone with a couple of these trinkets. Hmm... no?

This is a pretty fun hobby.

𝘑𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺

What? No other companion to recruit?

I'll be charging you a fee of 5000 mora per hour for my services... Ha- I'm just messing with you.

I'm a busy man, so let's keep today's adventure short.

[hetaero]

about me.

18 year old gentle mommy domme; trichophiliac. pretty much aromantic.

NOTE not looking for anything, but okay with discussing kinks platonically (for relatability. please no self-inserts/roleplay, I'm not looking to dom anyone). Do NOT MESSAGE ME about wanting me/wanting to talk to me sexually in any way. I also prefer to interact with people not more than 5 years older than me in general, since otherwise that would be a bit odd for me. It is ONLY OKAY to message me about objective questions and discussions about kink. No "you and i". Still, even then, I'd prefer sending me an ask first. I only reply if it seems interesting and if you specify what you want to talk about and you don't seem like you're trying to talk dirty to me. Also I'm really awkward/I have high functioning autism so don't expect me to be good at interacting💀

*this post is subject to periodic changes based on my experiences

things I'm into:

cutting boys hair (in a caring way)

watching boys have their hair cut

pretty much all things gentle femdom

light mommy dom/little boy dynamic (can include age regression or not; can include both sfw and nsfw activities)

gently pegging/fingering boys

extremely shy boys/virgins/inexperienced guys/nerds/sexually repressed dudes (I have issues)

Boys in skirts (NOT sissies. or non-cis men)

light bondage (mostly using hands to hold people down)

+ I'm also into cutting girls hair but with girls I'm not gentle at all like I am with guys, lmao

things im NOT into:

Vaginal sex. or giving oral. or receiving anal. Getting head is nice but thinking about it doesn't do anything for me. I'll do those things eventually but they just don't ... turn me on really

Older men 😐 if you're over 5 years older than me please don't interact with me directly

hard/rough domming/being a "mistress". not into the mean shit. No degrading either

hardcore bdsm of any kind (a little bit of bondage is okay)

being submissive in any way (I do like subs teasing me sometimes tho that's about it)

women or non-cis men

having my own hair cut. Oddly enough not my thing

extreme or bald hairstyles (hnts, extreme flattops, mohawks, mullets aren't for me)

Non-head hair play

any impact play/pain (other than light smacking or choking, which is fine, I'll do it if asked)

Hardcore abdl. Not into diapers really / I draw the line at feces 💀

Pet play/puppy play of any kind. The cat ears are as far as I'll go

findom

anyway. uh. be nice. this is just an outline but there's obviously more to my wants and icks than this so feel free to ask

[in-halingstardust]

hi love! i saw your hsr matchup event is live and i'd like to send my request~ pronouns: she/her/they/them gender: female spice tolerance: spicy personality indicators: intj 5w4 ; melancholic-choleric signs: pisces sun / taurus rising / taurus moon hogwarts house: ravenclaw alignment: neutral good alignment preferred gender to be matched with: male

personality: studious, business-minded, tech-savvy, a little bit of a perfectionist, tends to overwork, stubbornly independent, calm and composed, intimidating at first glance (according to colleagues), reserved and extremely introverted, protective to loved ones, obedient and respectful to authorities but will not hesitate to call them out if necessary, blunt, idealistic, highly organised, loves to play video games or read and write books on spare time, passionate, drawn to mysterious, historical, gothic, and horror subjects

hobbies + likes: researching abandoned and haunted places, writing, reading, exams, stationery, business-related topics (esp finance), coffee shops, bookstores and libraries, electronic shops, technology, video games, dark royalty / dark academia aesthetic, classical literature, classical music, detective/crime/mystery/horror stories (esp. from 19th century), cats, history, listening and belting out to musicals when alone, greek mythology

dislikes: bugs, studying repetitive subjects without gaining new knowledge, failure to meet own expectations, unnecessary change

physical description (in case you need it): dark brown hair that reaches the middle of the thighs, brown almond eyes, warm ivory skin tone, top hourglass figure, wears glasses and switches them out with purple contacts sometimes, always wears a necklace and a pair on rings on both hands

if you need anything else, feel free to ask! thanks!

First of all, I want to say I absolutely love your works with the TWST fandom! I have read through so many of them on my "main" (well more like my dead) blog. This is a little longer, but more of a thank you for me for your stories :,D

I'm going to pick Dr. Ratio for you! ⋆⭒˚.˚.⋆⭒˚.⭒˚.⋆

You and Dr. Ratio I feel have similar interests. Like-minded individuals striving to know more about this dysfunctional world. High expectations, a sort of strive for the greater knowledge of the world. There are only a few who can stand on the same stage as you two.

It's almost a sort of rivalry. A small smirk that is passed with one grade is higher than the other, the glances while the other is presenting, the small inside jokes that are layered between sarcasm and logicality. If any one of your classmates were to explain this they would simply say genius' brains are on a different universe. It's not because of that.

Lets be honest. It's because of the sex,

❥ For the serious front that you both pertain in front of your colleagues, your neck itches from the tight blouse buttoned up to your neck. What’s wrong? Ratio states, it’s a question he already knows the answer to. Don’t want to show off my handiwork? Underneath thin cotton you hide a line of bite marks from the previous night, littered across your body in an arrangement of shapes. ❥ He gets this way when he is in a good mood. ❥ You give him a little push, enough to calm the faint tint across your cheeks. It’s hard not to think about last night. Reminiscent of strong muscles holding you down by the hips- bruises still forming-, his hands wrapped around your hair pulling gently to gain more access to your neck. The way you cried out for him last night and his muffled groans against your skin… ❥ No. You breathe in and out. It’s just a distraction from the presentation. Besides, if you both passed there would be a reward afterwards…Not that you have ever failed.

[mikkeneko]

What we miss when we don't talk about friendship (in MDZS)

I'd like to open with the statement that this is not about shipping -- none of my thesis is to say "don't ship this" or "this ship isn't real." People can and have shipped whatever the hell they want and should continue to do so for as long as it makes you happy. It's not even a question of "sure you can ship it but it's not CANON," because the MXTX canon is wonderfully good at being ambiguous and supporting multiple interpretations.

What this thesis is to say is that some of these themes and motifs to explore are about friendship, and they don't tend to get talked about much, because people are mostly focused on the romantic and sexual dimensions of a dynamic. Romantic and sexual dimensions are great, but they don't annihilate or even subsume platonic dimensions -- yes, sometimes you can be a lover and a friend, but sometimes you can just be a friend and not a lover and that's no less important. As a post I saw recently said which stuck with me -- don't remember the poster, alas, but it was something in the vein of -- "it's not about the intensity of the relationship, but the flavor of it." Platonic character dynamics can be just as obsessive and consuming as romantic dynamics, they can be discussed and analyzed separately without needing to invalidate romantic and sexual dynamics.

So! That disclaimer aside, let's talk about: FRIENDSHIP IN MDZS, and what we miss when we don't talk about friendship as a dynamic in this story separate from romantic and sexual interest. Friendship shows up repeatedly in this story with its own sub-plots and arcs and undercurrents and hazards separate from the romance that's going on, and it's mostly going on with the Lans.

Part 1: Lan Xichen and friendship

A cornerstone of this analysis has to do with a meta post I read very early on in the fandom about the Lans when viewed through a Confucian lens. Lan Qiren in particular is a very, very Confucian character, and he raised his nephews to those traditions and values. The pertinent one here is the topic of the "Five relationships" which outline the relationships that a man of authority can expect to have throughout his lifetime: self to ancestors, self to descendents, self to authorities and subordinates, self to marriage partners, and self to friends. Each one comes with a set of strictures and requirements which when added up combine to a world that is very, very emotionally taxing and extremely short on interpersonal and emotional support. He is expected to obey and submit to guidance from his seniors, but he can't ask them for help. He is expected to lead and govern his subjects, but he can never be wrong or show weakness or doubt. It's especially important, I think, that Lan Xichen is raised to expect that even any romantic relationship he might have (read: marriage to a woman) would not actually be emotionally supportive to him in any meaningful way; it would be another set of obligations to uphold, another place he would be expected to be remote and poised and never show weakness or ask for help.

The exception is friendship. Friendship is the only relationship structure Lan Xichen can have in his life that has any hope of actually being nurturing and emotionally supporting to him, a place he can let down his guard and ask for help with the expectation of receiving it. It becomes very clear from very early on that friendship means everything to Lan Xichen as a character. He enters the story with a strong, supportive friendship with one of the only true peers a man of station can have (Nie Mingjue) and it's clear that this has formatively set his expectation of what a friendship can and should be. Lan Xichen really wants to be the Friendship Is Magic guy. He believes that friendship is the best way to solve problems, and that everybody would be able to solve their problems if only they had a friendship like his, and that belief is a lot of what runs him into a meat grinder later in the story. He thinks that Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao are capable of maintaining a friendship post-war, and does not understand why they cannot, and his attempts to friend-matchmake the two of them ultimately lead both to disaster.

Part 2: Lan Wangji and friendship

The header says Lan Wangji, but this is actually about Lan Xichen again, and about Wei Wuxian. A pretty common joke in the fandom is that Lan Xichen is "the #1 WangXian shipper," that he recognizes Lan Wangji's sexual and romantic attraction to Wei Wuxian from very early on and supports him in pursuing such a relationship. It's a nice joke, but I think it misses the mark, because the looming specter of their parents' disastrous and traumatic marriage means that Lan Xichen would never approach the idea of his brother entering into a romantic relationship so cavalierly. (Lan Qiren, in some ways, had a clearer notion of what shape Lan Wangji's interest in Wei Wuxian had the potential to be than Lan Xichen did, perhaps because he doesn't have the same obsession with friendship; if he has any close friendships of his own, we're not shown them.)

Lan Xichen is not encouraging Lan Wangji to have a romantic summer fling. Lan Xichen encourages his association with Wei Wuxian specifically because he thinks Lan Wangji needs friends. Not just in the sense of any parent or adult wanting their child to make friends, but specifically in the context of these restrictive hierarchical relationships that hem in their world. Lan Xichen is afraid that Lan Wangji will be alone, and emotionally starved, and have no one he can ask for help or rely on, because that is his experience of a world without friendship. (Lan Wangji, of course, is not in the same position as Lan Xichen because he has Lan Xichen to rely on.) Lan Xichen wants Lan Wangji to have the same kind of friendship that he himself has with Nie Mingjue, and he thinks that Wei Wuxian has the potential to be that kind of friend. That is the context in which he encourages their association, and tries to arrange for them to have time together, and to become closer; not as a potential romantic partner but as a steadfast emotional and logistical support through Lan Wangji's adult life.

If Lan Xichen knew that Lan Wangji would fall in love with Wei Wuxian (had already started to,) I'm not at all sure that he would have encouraged that. In pretty much any arc past the Lan Lectures, he doesn't, both because Wei Wuxian stopped being a good candidate for supportive friendship (he's clearly got too much of his own shit going on) and because he realizes that what is developing in Lan Wangji bears very little resemblence to his own relationships. He might not outright try to sabotage the relationship but he's clearly worried about its potential to bring disaster on Wangji -- and he's very correct to be worried, as it turns out.

Part 3: Lan Sizhui and friendship

So, All Of That Happens; Wei Wuxian dies, Lan Wangji is laid low for years and seems poised to grieve for the rest of his life; Nie Mingjue dies and takes Lan Xichen's support with him. Now we come to the present day, and the present day has Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi.

Let's take a moment to step back and ask from an analytical perspective: Why is Lan Jingyi, as a character, in the story? Assuming that in a novel as polished as MDZS, each element is included for good reasons. Why is Lan Jingyi in the story and why is he Lan Sizhui's best friend? In the new world we're introduced to, the Lan are already represented, and very positively represented by Lan Sizhui. Lan Jingyi provides a convenient avenue for both exposition-dumping and sass -- saying the things that everyone else is too polite to say -- but we could have gotten that through another character (Jin Ling also plays this role) or introduced another Junior who isn't Lan, like Ouyang Zizhen. Why is it important to the story that Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi are friends?

The Juniors in general represent hope for the world to change, hope for the new generation. In Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi, we see that the terrible loneliness that drove their seniors to disaster in the previous generation, is averted. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi have a friendship that is close and true, and we are never given reason to doubt it. Their priorities are aligned; it's unlikely that Sect politics or personality conflicts will ever drive them apart. They have what Lan Xichen craved: a friendship that will support them through tragedy and disaster. Their friendship stands to demonstrate that in the new generation, things will get better.

[tomeebear04]

alot of people portray tord as some insane sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone and its particularly heightened in wtfuture content,that being said i personally dont mind these headcanons when i was younger i was totally in favor of tord being a villain but whats your opinion on it? From what ive seen red leader is especially abusive to future tom but i always thought the cast was pretty mean to eachother in the earlier eddisodes but just grew out of it,tord left before the rest of them stopped being so mean to eachother,now its more or less poking fun and annoying eachother here and there

do you think tord just didn’t get the memo and thought it was still okay to act like this? Im all for ‘edgier’ headcanons and story telling but i just personally think to an extent tord isn’t as much as an asshole as people try to make him out to be,at some point the cast have tried to kill eachother and tom literally did what he did in zanta claws (which i forgive him for <33) but i see alot more people give tord more flack than anyone,srry ab the long winded question but i am curious ab your answer ^^

this is a multi-part question so im going to number them to make it more readable lol. also dw about long asks; i like em. lover having conversations about the show with other people

the tord villain question. ah the thing that divides the eddsworld fandom to this day. my opinion on this is a little nuanced. i personally like that direction for his character. i think it's interesting. it recontextualizes a lot of his strange behaviors from earlier episodes. fan interpretation of the actual content of the end episodes have led to a lot of people hating that idea though. i can see why too. i'm not a fan on how people decided to portray tord afterwards. i don't think he was a nice or pleasant person from day one, but i definitely don't think he's a sociopath or psychopath or insane. well not any more insane than everyone else. there's a lot more going on with tord psychologically. he has shown to care about people to an extent. i definitely think he has some kind of personality disorder. i've seen fans discuss schizoid personality disorder and borderline personality disorder in regards to a diagnosis for tord. i don't know enough on the subject to comment either way. imo a good tord wouldn't lose any of the fun aspects of his personality to fit better into any given villain trope. trying to fit square peg in a circle hole, ya know?

tom abuse. this one im a hard no on. i dont know why this got so popular. tord and tom are rivals. making tord an abuser and tom his victim just seems wrong for their dynamic. a lot of that content is fetish driven...and well.. im not touching that topic with a 10 ft shit and piss covered pole. if you're gonna make tord terrible to tom, you have to make tom just as terrible back. they both get under each others skin. i prefer the idea that tord and tom are more friendly in wtfuture since edd is out of the picture. i mean tord has to like him enough to employ him. tom likes him enough to be able to borrow a time machine without much trouble. those are two emotional unstable buddies right there

everyone kinda sucks. this is just straight up true. everyone was out for blood early on in eddsworld. i mean just look at matt. that guy was straight up a menace. yeah the show changed a lot. the tone and the way characters treat each other softened. the tomee bear has a pretty good video on this. i don't disagree with much of what he says. it added a new way to view the end episodes which i greatly appreciate. i could see this being the direction they go for tord in canon

everyone elses crimes. when it comes to talking about the other characters crimes i'd say dont take it seriously if the show doesnt. tom's christmas demolition wasnt taken seriously at all as an act of domestic terrorism. it's a joke about tom's character taken to the extreme for comedy. most things they do are consequence-less. basically, only take it seriously when the show does. tord blowing up the house, killing jon, and betraying everyone was tonally a lot different from tom rapping about hating christmas and nuking bongland. that's the reason why people hate on tord for what he did a bit more. personally i hate tord for being an annoying gooner with confusing politics. but u know to each their own

[hms-no-fun]

i have an intense love/hate with godfeels because it is beautifully written but it also makes me viscerally uncomfortable. something something disturbs the comfortable and comforts the disturbed probably. engaging with that discomfort teaches me more about myself and is definitely worth it for something like godfeels. any advice for constructively engaging with media that Pisses You Off, by no fault of the creator? what would you say to your haters in good-faith, if you could?

well, to be fair i have said plenty to my haters in good faith previously, but that was a very direct response. if you and i were having a polite conversation amongst the two of us, my first question would be "how far did you get?" godfeels has been going for six years now (!!!), and it's gone through many phases in that time. i'm at a point now in my life where if someone tells me gf2 didn't click with them, i'll probably nod and say "yeah it's rough around the edges, there's a lot of stuff i'd do differently today." the most vocal contingent of haters i've ever gotten were the handful of people who dipped at gf2.2 when june got superdrunk and accidentally murdered a bunch of people, assuming the story was going to be about how cool and based that decision was. anyone who's actually read gf2 to completion should find that misconception laughable. it also makes a difference if you finished gf2 and stopped there, or started 3.1 and fell off, or if you got through chapter 8 and fell off, or if you're currently reading Double Album. each of those is a slightly different conversation with its own pros and cons. whether or not i'd try to talk someone into continuing their read depends entirely on those questions (and also how self-confident i'm feeling in the moment).

i guess i would say to someone who is not enjoying godfeels that they should stop reading godfeels. it's an extremely heavy story that digs into a wide variety of traumatic subject matter. it is also deeply personal in a lot of ways, which is perhaps a weird fit for a Homestuck fanfiction. so i can understand someone from the wider fandom hearing about godfeels as "the June Egbert fic" being disappointed that it's not fluff. i've documented in the past how gf2 emerged out of my dissatisfaction with the image of "Hairclips June," whose transition exists off screen and whose acceptance by her friends is an obvious expectation. i kind of feel bad for how that shook out in the long term since, between the lengthy hiatus of hs2 and the broader strangulation of the post-canon movement during the pandemic, the canonical "Hairclips June" story (or at least "June Who Doesn't Suffer 100% Consequences" story) doesn't seem to exist. i don't mean literally canonical, i mean "seeped into the fandom's collective unconscious" canonical, like Detective Pony. there are plenty of fanworks that do a good or at least interesting job with June, but they're not *about* June in quite the same way godfeels is. it's entirely possible that such a thing DOES exist and IS popular (i freely admit to being out of touch with modern fanworks), but for better or worse godfeels still seems to be the thing that comes up most often-- and not always in a positive light.

for a while now i've been working on an "Author's Introduction" which on the surface is an attempt to contextualize the phases of godfeels for new readers, but in actuality is more of a history of/commentary on the post-2019 fandom and the so-called "Homestuck Renaissance." i see this as necessary because godfeels is an extension of that moment, in particular the loudly recuperative pro-Vriska boosters and their exquisitely galaxy-brained VrisRezi meta. then gf3.1 responded to the fandom backlash, chapter 8 responded to my experience watching every foundation of my post-transition life crumble during the pandemic, and then Double Album is an exploration of building yourself and community back up in the aftermath of tragedy.

it's not that this context is necessary to understand or appreciate godfeels, just that i think it helps put things in perspective. when i started gf1, i hadn't written fiction in nearly 7 years. today, the series is sitting just shy of the 500,000 word mark. at every step of the process, the quality and ambition of my writing has increased exponentially. there's a reason i've written Double Album as a jumping-on point for new readers-- besides being better in virtually every way that matters to me, it's also largely shorn free of the baggage that can make godfeels a hard sell for folks. whether or not it actually SUCCEEDS as a jumping on point is another conversation entirely.

so i guess all of that is to say, if we were having a private conversation just the two of us, i freely admit that godfeels is a wildly disjointed story on top of being extreme and often emotionally masochistic. i am proud of this work from start to finish, but it fundamentally is the process of its authorship in a way that a thoroughly drafted and edited novel simply isn't. i used to publish chapters the instant they felt done to me, with only minimal revisions. these days i let chapters bake a lot longer and put much more thought into how they fit into the larger whole. i kinda miss the old way but the new way results in much better work.

i'd be curious to hear what exactly it is that Pisses You Off about godfeels, and why you nevertheless feel it's a worthwhile reading experience. you ask me for advice on how to constructively engage with media that pisses you off, but i don't have any because in general i don't engage with media that pisses me off. i stopped reading fanworks after 2020 because everything that survived seemed to cater only to the sector of the fandom that harassed my friends out of their jobs and platforms. i found their interpretations/extensions of canon lacking, their tendency for straightforward fluff rather grating. i COULD have made that everyone else's problem, but what would be the point? i wasn't the target audience. i didn't enjoy the work, so i stopped reading it. i'd rather move on to media i enjoy than suffer through media i don't.

BUT. there's a fine line here, because it actually takes a lot to Piss Me Off. i don't really believe in rules or standards in art as Inviolable Laws Of Nature. my measure of whether something is good has a lot less to do with its inherent quality and a lot more to do with the balance between intention and execution. it rarely matters how amateur something is, if it meaningfully accomplishes the thing it set out to do then i'll probably like it (or at least respect it). i look for expressions of authenticity, moments where the artist and the medium are in perfect sync. there are plenty of critically praised pretty-looking movies and games with big production values that i don't particularly like. sometimes that's because they're a naked moneymaking enterprise disguised as art. sometimes it's a problem of too many cooks in the kitchen. and then sometimes an artist is just full of shit and doesn't really know what the hell they're talking about (i like to call these people "Californians"). mostly, i just embrace that art-making and art-viewing are inherently subjective experiences, and i find little value in numbered rating systems of any kind.

a lot of my favorite movies and albums underwhelmed me my first time through. they challenged me in a way that i at first interpreted as incompetence, but have come to see as brilliance. there's stuff i found alienating in high school and early 20s that i find deeply relatable in my 30s. as a film student i've had so many conversations with so many people who have wildly different takes on the same movie that i've completely given up on the idea that anyone is an objective arbiter of what's good and what isn't. the only real thing is if it works and if it works for you. i search for the best in everything, because at the end of the day i'm just here for the love of the game and i don't much enjoy hating things. for media to really Piss Me Off, to elicit a genuine I Hate You response, it has to be more than just, like, poorly edited or whatever. it has to embody a repulsive worldview, be a tool of jingoistic propaganda, or otherwise act as an extension of corporate greed and wealth extraction. these days i reserve my hatred for that which has connection to real Power and exerts a mass cultural Influence, or that otherwise blindly reproduces the same problems.

i think it's far easier to critically engage with work you don't like when you search for the things that work, rather than the things that don't. when it works, when it really clicks, you see what they were going for, and only with that perspective can you see why what doesn't work doesn't work. all i ever ask is for readers to take my stuff as it is, good and bad, and judge it on those terms. i find your use of "comforts the disturbed, disturbs the comfortable" funny and fitting. art that wants to be for everyone is art that cannot be for anyone. it is a perfectly round grey sphere that all who gaze upon it can agree "exists" and "succeeds at what it's trying to do." good art is imperfect, because it is the result of a perspective you may not share. i've never wanted to make art for the masses. i want to make the kinds of things that i wished existed when i was younger. there are a surprising number of people who feel that godfeels positively affected their lives, and i know that i have very little to do with that. godfeels is an object that exists in the world. i had ideas of what it was when i wrote it, but i can't control what anyone else sees no matter how much digital ink i spill trying to explain my original vision. if it truly comforts the disturbed and disturbs the comfortable, then on some level i must have succeeded in what i was trying to do even if the path to getting there was spotty and rough.

i did the best i could at every stage of writing godfeels. i would do things differently today, but i also wouldn't be here at all if i'd done it differently back then. i try to extend this grace to other artists as much as possible, that we're all just figuring it out as we go along. but i also know that everyone goes to art for different things, and finds value in different aspects of its expression. really, all i ever want is to have a conversation about the object without the looming specter of Respectability Politics and Moral Hazards. it's when people start acting like godfeels is Dangerous, and that i'm dangerous by extension, that i start having opinions about where critics are fucking up. tell me what it does or fails to do. point at the text and show me you've read and comprehended it by citing your sources and arguing through the text instead of around it. absolutely fuck off with the moral hand-wringing about Transgender Representation and Glorifying Violence and Perpetuating Toxic Stereotypes. it's a fucking Homestuck fanfiction, for god's sake.

but anyway you're not doing that, so, good job! i'm glad you find the experience of reading godfeels illuminating even if it pisses you off. i hope you found this lengthy answer enlightening, and maybe a bit annoying also. consistency is key, or so they say

[persephone1700]

Can we please talk about the magnificent and sorrowful 4th episode of House of the Dragon?

No friends of mine are interested in HOTD and I found myself with so much to say, so here it goes. (English is not my first language so please excuse me if there are any garamtical horrors!)

The bond between dragons and their riders it's exquisite.

In the books Rhaenyra refuses to send Jace and Vermax, still haunted by the death of Luke she doesn't want to sacrifice another son, and instead sent Rhaenys.

Now it's the queen who never was, who volunteers to go, on service of her queen, knowing what must be done, and with full love and confidence of her mighty Meleys.

I believe that dragons choose their riders based on their personalities and the affinity they have.

We saw Vhagar, ridden previously by the bravest and mighty Targaryens, accept the bond with Aemond, a little boy too eager to prove himself worthy, a boy who was bullied and found a escape route on books and trainings, hardening himself.

But in Aegon... we see a boy who, much like his brothers and sister, has been neglected and doesn't understand much about love.

We saw him at first be mean, laughing and teasing others, prone to mischief and swinging ale. A boy who doesn't know what to do in certain occasions and seeks the refugee of his mother, never quite finding it.

What does it say about a boy like Aegon forming a strong lasting bond with the most beautiful dragon? A question that haunted me for a while.

On yesterday's episode, we saw how beautiful and magnificent Sunfyre is, going towards his rider, playfully nudging Aegon's chest for a pat, the resemblance of a smile appearing on its face when Aegon strokes him.

For the first time we see Aegon truthfully smile. The first display of love we see him feel is from his dragon!

At Rooks Rest, we see an inexperienced dragon flew to battle with his rider, willingly, because of this bond.

Sunfyre's cry was extremely painful to hear, and we saw them fall rapidly, both dragon and rider in pain. When Cole finds Aegon, Sunfyre still broken, creates a nest for his rider.

Yes, at first we are led to see everything he has done wrong, some of his actions cannot be forgiven (diana for example).

But in Tom's Aegon we see the boy who's neglected, seeking guidance, seeking love and comfort, quite funny even, a boy who doesn't wish for the throne or to rule, who questions himself what kind of a brother would he be if he stole his sister's birthright?

I'd like to believe that when Sunfyre chose Aegon, he saw all that hurt in him, all the love that he needed and was denied. The beautiful golden beast, saw something good on Aegon.

Leaving behind the greens, because I refuse to talk about Aemonds betrayal now, otherwise I'll spend hours and hours talking about it and I'm still shocked.

I'll just say that Ewans performance never dissapoints, makes you absolutely understand his ambition and motives, you found yourself even rooting for him after everything he has done.

On an even sadder subject, let's focus again on the blacks and Rhaenys.

Absolutely devastated by that last sequence. Meleys and Rhaenys off to battle again, the dragon always trusting it's rider, attacking ferociously even though they were doomed the moment Vhagar appeared, and Rhaenys facing her destiny with grace.

A woman who deserved to be queen, we saw her defend Rhaenyras claim constantly, from Corlys, from Daemon, from Rhaenyras small council... every time loyal to the cause that she believed in, til the last. Dying side by side with his old friend.

Eve Best as Rhaenys Targaryen was just phenomenal.

-CG/ persephone1700

Let me hear your opinions please!