#but it is annoying her white boss 'solves' it for her

[ace-and-ranty]

The bathroom subplot in Hidden Figures is dumb for many reasons, but the top one I can’t get over it is... 

Why did her boss vandalize the colored bathroom sign? In a building that, as far as we all know, only has black people in it? How does that fucking help Katharine, you eedjit? You absolute buffoon? If you want a physical symbol to show she is welcome to use the bathrooms at your building ---which is what she actually needs--- then you should be smashing the “whites only” sign at your building. 

What the fuck are you breaking a bathroom miles away for. What the fucking hell does that even mean.

[aimasup]

just found some Valiant AU development sketches and notes in my old OLD sketchbook

I really thought it would be a webtoon

long post warning! And I mean long looooooooong post. If you get to the bottom and go "I'm not reading allat" I do not blame you

more under the cut:

^^^ OC

General notes:

This Valiant AU was meant to be a solarpunk superhero slice of life that slowly reveals a heavier plot, mostly focusing on character interactions and personal growth

White Hat Incorporated is a struggling, newbie business and clients are rare

The episodes can range from domestic shenanigans like fixing a leaking pipe or getting dinner, to running their business by defeating the villain of the week

The villains and heroes stay in their roles from canon. The only ones with major changes are our main 4 guys

All major information about White Hat would be discovered from the point of view of Lumencia and Zug as they realize that not only is PEACE corrupt, but that their boss is neither human nor demon nor alien

Now onto the characters themselves:

Dr. Zug Gleis

Like his name suggests, he likes trains. His train is also a drill that was an attempt to burrow out of government's arrest

Which he then modified into a laboratory, each train cart being a unique kind of laboratory for surveillance, medicine, etc. He sleeps very uncomfortably in cramped spaces and likes it that way

V.I.R.U.S is now a software he created and repurposed into his bratty computer assistant, now Cambot. She's also the one recording all their commercials and making his coffee. Basically Zug doesn't get along with ANY of his children

He doesn't like to leave his laboratories, so he set up a network of tunnels through White Hat's mansion that send and receive messages, inventions, food, etc. There's one little chute for these in most parts of the place

His arc was focusing on his inability to accept help from others because he sees any kind gesture as a possible way to control him. Even worse if the kind person genuinely means it, because he also sees accepting kindness as a handicap, a debt

His villainy was an easy way to make money and show the world his capability without any assistance from any hero or villain organization

Really, he just wants to be able to do whatever he wants, but his need to be the best or else he's the worst is tiring for him. Anger issues don't help

This stemmed from a past of constantly being bullied and compared to his brother, Goldheart

After dropping out of hero college, Zug became his own supervillain's known as The Mad Condoctor, whose theme was, you guessed it, trains. He stole trains, modified scrap metal, targeted stations and trade centers, held hostages, prepared puzzles for heroes to solve, etc

The Mad Condoctor was notorious for being uncooperative and a backstabber. He operated at night and was an expert in secret missions, spyware and tech-based combat and the likes

By the first season finale he would have genuinely cared for his coworkers but still didn't value his own life, so he let himself be taken in by PEACE. The crew have to go retrieve their idiot and many things about White Hat Incorporated are revealed to the public after they clash with their local PEACE headquarters

He finds authority annoying and hates seeing people kiss up. Mostly shameless in his actions and doesn't much care for other people's opinions. Can be honest to the point of hurting

So he is a terrible liar. It's like he's allergic to it or something. Prefers to lie by omission

Will only call White Hat 'sir' and 'jefecito' sarcastically or to get a point across. Unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him at the end of the series whoops

Lumencia

A superwoman with horse-like powers that decided to choose unicorns as her motif because that's way cooler. She has kicks and punches that convert her diet into energy, which is great because she loves eating

Changed it up so that Lumencia is the resident prankster and WH tells puns, not the other way around

She has a room with a slanted ceiling which she can climb out the window of to lie and chill on the roof. She's also converted that space, where flat roof meets slanted roof, into an outdoor cinema/gym, decorated with christmas lights. The mansion is a three-way clash of decorative styles from afar

She doesn't have a license to be a hero, but she helps out wherever she can anyway, stopping purse snatchers and helping lost children find their parents and such

In fact, she is actually one of the most beloved people in the little town they live near, with many residents familiar with her buffoonery but affirming her as a reliable source of help

She's also relatively well-known online, as she posts videos of her playing the guitar and well-intentioned but nonsensical 'Lumencia Tips', filled with terrible puns and comic-like ballpoint pen doodles

Her arc would have focused on letting herself acknowledge her strengths that aren't related to fighting

Shes very buddy-buddy with petty criminals and shop owners alike, able to strike up a conversation and make pals no matter who they are. Once she deems you chill, you can chill, yknow? This isn't on purpose.

Even though she has gross taste in food and is messier than Zug, her handwriting is very pretty and neat. She also is very good at graffiti and sticks to an aesthetic, with glitter and y2k stickers and denim-clad wizards on skateboards, all the works

She has a very straightforward view on heroics and is not big on plans, preferring to punch her way out of situations or annoy her enemies to tears. In fact, her main goal is to become an official part of one of the many PEACE-brand hero leagues.

There's other hero corporations too but PEACE is the number one in America

So one day she just showed up on White Hat's doorstep and never left because it would 'look good on her resume'.

Previously, she bounced from place to place, relying on connections and the occasional tip from her halfway-illegal heroism efforts to get by. She also doesn't remember where her powers are from, only that her parents worked at PEACE and where killed by 'villains' when she was a little girl

Her favourite place is the funfair because that's the last nice memory she had

By season two she would have started another arc where she learns that she was an experiment and her parents were killed by their own higher ups in PEACE to silence them, and she has to come to terms with why she even wants to be a hero as well as stand her ground when her optimism is challenged.

Lumencia's music is like whatever Equestria Girls and Electric Mayhem have going on. I think the genre is power pop? Either way it sounds like those elaborate 80s radical van murals look

Is an effortless liar in the sense that she says the most batshit things with utmost confidence and treats consequences like an afterthought.

Only calls White Hat 'White Hat' and not 'boss' when she feels the situation calls for it. Also unfortunately hopelessly devoted to him by the end of the series

624

An extra set of hands that cleans the place and helps out with their little business. Does not like being interuppted when listening to music

Goes from 'fucking hate these guys' to 'they give me food therefore they are mine' in the span of the entire series

Quite lazy, plays the winning side. Which is usually the heroes here

Dunno if I'd call his arc an arc. All I know is there's an episode where his spoilt teenager-ismd hits their peak and Zug and Lumencia have to reach an understanding with him by respecting his boundaries and helping him feel secure

And after that episode, 624 stopped being a total catalyst for disaster plotwise

White Hat

He is one of the comic reliefs and manages White Hat Incorporated, often making really stupid decisions because profit is not on his mind

The final voice I settled on for him was fucking Australian Markiplier

His "growth" would be the characters and readers seeing him to actually be a caring, experienced-in-heroics-but-not-business individual who gives really sound advice and becomes a source of comfort for his close friends

But is still a MEGA-PRICK. Every time he gets beat up it's for a valid reason

In canon, villainy triumphs because Black Hat is there. In the Valiant AU, the story is in the heroes' favour because White Hat is in his place.

I wanted him to be (mostly) opposite to Black Hat in many ways! BH's office is huge, minimalistic, corporate and cold, while WH's office is small, maximalistic, filled with sentimental items and like a warm cabin.

BH basks in hellfire and while WH does use fire, he prefers the ocean. BH enjoys golf, WH enjoys dancing. BH takes himself seriously, WH very much doesn't. BH detests everything, WH has an appreciation for everything. And etc...

They're still horrible creepy eldritch monstrosities, the fish theme for WH is just because he likes ocean shit and fish are scary

BH has made himself known globally and universally, he has statues and monuments and paintings

WH has nothing; White Hat is five years old. This is his first time being White Hat

But he's been around since the beginning of time, taking many forms and names, learning the wonders of the universe and giving all of his time to help however he could

He believed this to be natural, he's the one of a kind who doesn't need rest or food. He can't die or get really hurt, and would later learn he couldn't bear to love either

Some of the things he was included many plants and animals before the humans, then farmers and warriors, witches and politicians, an entertainer vigilante, a writer, a parent, a fur-clad warrior in the snow, guiding forces of nature, and a female pirate.

I wanted him to cycle through the entire alignment chart in terms of morality as he exhausted everything he could do to make a difference

After World War 2 on earth, his psyche gave out and he collapsed into a long, long nap; a shadow pooling in a lake, his favourite

Finally woke up and decided to take his own form not based on any species or star or tree, chose his own outfit and everything

And made his debut as White Hat, forged documents to start a small business for heroes support

He doesn't have an arc, but if he did, he would be in the midst of learning to let himself get attached again and be properly selfish. Maybe identity issues.

But he doesn't have an arc

And so really only serves to help out Zug and Lumencia. He's comfortable with no one knowing these things about him ever, because what would they even do if they did?

Wouldn't change anything, they wouldn't understand the full scope even, so he's at peace with himself right now, grateful that he's alive for once

He uses manipulation to direct conversations away from himself and get people to spill their feelings, or burrow into their trauma without using magic

if he wants he can let loose to trigger some kind of indescribable primal instinct within a person, that cripples them with terror and despair and love for the sublime face of something divine, bigger than the observable universe. He doesn't like doing this.

He's a fan of ice and shadow manipulation, he thinks the colours go well with his coat

Most animals hate him and he cries about it

He also cries when he tries to download an app on a laptop

He is a competent medical doctor, babysitter, and waiter. In fact, he seems to have infinite patience and calm when he isn't whining over dessert like a toddler

The human skeleton hanging in his office is real

Hopelessly attached to Lumencia, Zug and 624 by the end of the series but they don't need to know that

This AU will forever make me warm and fuzzy inside I love them so much, I had so many locations planned, started Pinterest boards and shit

Instead I think I'll take some of these things and apply them to my OCs instead! HUGE thanks to everyone who enjoyed this version of this AU while it lasted! Maybe it'll come back one day, maybe not. Likely not

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Tohru Kirishima's s/o being nagged by her father and paternal aunt and uncles to marry a wealthy man despite her and her mother being against it? S/o eventually decides to propose to him since they're already dating, much to her family and chosen fiance's shock.

“Ugh! If I have to go to one more of these marriage meetings I’m gonna jump off a bridge.”

“Don’t do that.” Kirishima told [Y/N]. “I just bought you ice cream. It would be such a waste.”

As they walked down the street, holding their individual cones, [Y/N] had been complaining about their marriage meetings almost since the start. He got that it was annoying, but all Kirishima could do was listen to them gripe.

Coming from a poor household, he would never have to endure the burden of marriage meetings like a well-off family like hers did. Being rich and connected in their world, marriage was more than about relationships. It was about loyalty. Alliances. Finances. His mother only ever said that he marry someone nice, and that was hard enough as it was.

“I’m not going to. But gods, it’s so annoying! If I have to listen to one more idiot talk about his stocks or ‘the long family line’ he comes from….” She sighed. “It’s just really frustrating.”

“Why don’t you just marry one of them and get it over with?”

[Y/N] turned to him with an impossibly arched brow. “Oh yeah. Like that will solve it. Being eternity and legally linked to one of these idiots forever. Good suggestion Kirishima.”

“I’m just saying, if you get married, they would stop bugging you right? It’s not like anything has to change.”

Not all relationships were as dedicated and passionately in love as the boss & his wife. Since they were basically arranged, many yakuza couples were together separately. Fidelity was defined as being faithful to the family, not necessarily each other. “Just marry someone and then it will be done with. It’s the fastest way to get it over.”

“You know what. You’re right Kirishima.” He was surprised that they accepted his ridiculous suggestion. Which should have been his first warning. When he turned around to see if they were being serious, he found [Y/N] on the ground, on one knee, holding out one of their gummy peach rings out like a real one. “Kirishima-san, will you marry me?”

“Get off the ground you idiot!! People are gonna start staring!!”

His shouting probably drew more attention than their action, but [Y/N] stood up and a giggled. “Oh, come on. I’m being serious.”

“No you’re not.”

“Well….more serious than I was at any of the marriage meetings.” She clarified. “Come on, like you said, nothing has to change. We can still be friends. They get off my back. You won’t die alone like you were destined to until this moment-“Watch it”-and we get to get a neat cake. What do you say?”

Kirishima held on to his cone and just stared at [Y/N] for a minute. He knew that they weren’t serious at all. But a part of him maybe wondered. “I’m not marrying you so you can get out of paperwork [Y/N]. You can forget it.”

“Aww…you’re no fun…..”

They continued on their walk in a little more silence than usual. It was hard to start up a new conversation after that. Once he was home, Kirishima went to his room and got ready for bed. For the first time in a long time, he thought about his future. One with white dresses, and neat cake. He wondered if maybe that was a possibility for him.

[thebreakfastgenie]

I know you dislike Donna’s “ girl boss” story line, but how do you think Josh should’ve handled her asking for more opportunities? He was pretty dismissive of her, and then Gaza happened.

Well I think the issue is actually how Donna handled it. Donna needed to stop expecting to get those opportunities from Josh. Josh... I mean, ideally he would be nicer to her about it and listen to what she's saying more closely but materially it wouldn't really be different. I don't expect Josh to tell her "if you want to do that you have to go somewhere else" and encourage her, even if maybe he should, because I don't expect him or really most people to be that focused on Donna over himself.

I think what Josh really did wrong was intermittently treating Donna like something other than his assistant for all those years leading up to it. I think it created unreasonable expectations and it was unprofessional and kind of unfair, and he shouldn't have been surprised when Donna wanted all of that to amount to something eventually. This is kind of an unpopular opinion I think because we all love watching Josh give Donna a chance to shine in the first 5 seasons. I do too, and I'm not saying I wish he hadn't done it. But I think Josh doing that despite there not really being more opportunities for Donna within the White House created the problem we see later.

I also think because Josh has this slightly deranged, starry-eyed view of what working in the White House means (and it's not just him, it's most of the characters especially in the Sorkin era) on some level he thinks Donna should just be grateful to be there and that's where some of his dismissiveness comes from.

Am I remembering correctly that before Gaza she's upset about not getting to go on a trip after she worked hard during the preparation, even though she's not going because Josh isn't going? It sucks, yeah, but I'm with Josh on this one: them's the breaks. The president needs what the president needs.

I think Donna is just at a place in her life where she needs to focus on herself and growing her career more than serving the president, but that means the White House isn't the right place to do it. Josh should understand that because he's been in that place in his own career before, but I think it's in-character that he wouldn't.

I guess the "right" thing would be to have an honest conversation about what Donna's role is and what she wants. The one time they try do that in that arc is in Impact Winter and it's so annoying, because Donna schedules a meeting but doesn't give Josh any information about what it is. She takes it so personally that it keeps being rescheduled, but Donna knows better than anyone that Josh's schedule is that insane and getting repeatedly bumped doesn't mean you're not important, it just means fifteen more important things are happening. On top of that, we actually see her eating breakfast with Josh and hanging out, so she had an opportunity to tell him the meeting was important, but she chose not to do it.

Also I think a lot of what I hate about Donna's girlboss arc would be solved by Donna getting more screentime to actually be a person in the later seasons, but that falls into the same trap as everything in the last two seasons: so many characters, so little time.

[aquaburst3]

As I mentioned a few times now, I just watched all of the available episodes of Helluva Boss as research for an original writing project. What are my thoughts on it? Well...

The Good:

The premise of this show is solid. Imps having a murder business where they take out targets in the human world? Sign me up. (Hell, the elevator pitch for this show alone is so cool, but botched that it inspired me.)

The show is genuinely hilarious. Some of the jokes made me laugh hard like the one where Stolas says that Striker wants to suck his own dick for having a giant statue of himself or Blitz saying "Daddy likey dummy" to the agents.

Ozzie and Fizz's relationship is entertaining and oddly wholesome.

I'm impressed about the celebrity voice talent on the show, including the VAs for Zim and Jafar and even fucking Kesha.

All of the voice actors are doing a fantastic job.

Striker is a fantastic villain and a great foil to Blitz.

A lot of the major characters minus Stolas and all of the female ones are solid. Blitz and Fizz are my favs.

The soundtrack slaps.

The Bad:

This show suffers from a lack of narrative focus. The show's more interested in shoving in shiny new plot points in our faces over developing what they already have.

The show shifted away from the main premise and is now only interested in the Stolas/Blitz relationship, which is toxic nor very good. There isn't a proper major plot line anymore. Things just...happen. Only 4 out of the 15 canon episodes are about IMP doing their fucking jobs.

There is a lack of narrative consistency. Characters will frequently have something bad happen to them in one episode, and go on like nothing happened in the next. The only time it sometimes does address this is by blink and you'll miss it text messages. Which is jarring in a serialized show like this. It's so bad that I thought I missed an episode a few times, when nope, that's the next episode.

The show is way too fast paced. Major plot lines that should've lasted a season are solved in a couple episodes like Fizz and Blitz's beef.

The female characters are all underdeveloped and utilized. (I also find it funny how Fizz is more complex and fleshed out as character than Millie despite being only in a few episodes.)

In Season 2, characters are turned into idiots for the sake of the plot like when Blitz forgot that Heavenly Steel can hurt Stolas, and Ozzie forgetting that he can just teleport to where Crimson is at and just kill him.

Vizi frequently drops random facts about the characters on Twitter or music videos instead of the actual fucking show.

The show genuinely feels like Vizi has no plan and is making shit up as she goes.

The Ugly:

Stolas is one of the most annoying and infuriating characters that I've ever come across. He starts out almost as a villain or a morally grey figure at least. That is slowly disappears in favour of making him a uwu sadboi who can do no wrong and never held accountable for his fucked up actions.

Instead of treating the affair subplot with any nuance, it's a completely black and white issue.

Stella is also transformed into a cartoonishly evil and abusive bitch just to excuse Stolas' actions and make him justified. As someone who has a friend who had her ex-fiance cheat on her and is still dealing with the aftermath, that infuriates me.

Stolas and Blitz's relationship is super toxic. It's sexual coercion, since Stolas is using his position of power over Blitz to get sexual favours out of him. But it's treated like a prince and the pauper style romance by the narrative, and Vizi wants us to see them as destined star crossed lovers.

It suffers from double standards and hypocritical writing. Dark subject matter is treated as morally abhorrent in one case, but then in another instance it's a joke. (Like how male abuse as being treated something terrible when it's happening to Stolas, but then adds in a bit where they mock Moxxie for being assaulted by girls and that is meant to be funny.)

Over all, this series is disappointing and wasted potential. Season 1 is flawed, but enjoyable while season 2 just sucks. Hazbin Hotel blows it out of the water, at least for now. (I have the hunch the same issues might pop up in that one as well.) I'll watch the odd new episode out of curiosity, but not religiously. Which is ashame since the original premise is so strong. However, I would love to read a fix-it rewrite fic of it on AO3, because the idea has potential.

[dystopiangays]

Tw: Rape, Slavery, murder, and general Legion Stuff.

I have complicated feelings about the Legion. I don't think it got the attention it deserved in game. Of course, that is to be blamed on the rushed development, but it still makes me sad.

Joshua Sawyer said he regretted how black-and-white the slavery narrative was in the game, and I have to say I agree. It's incredibly sexist that basically all women are in a mostly gendered slave class. It's incredibly depressing that on a non-Legion run you can't speak to Siri. It's annoying as hell that you can't fight in the ring if you are a female courier, even though the final boss of it is a female soldier. Yes, I get that that's the point. It's frustrating that a female Legion courier is told that the legionnaires want to *rape* her. Yes, I know that's the point, but it's hostile to women who play the game. I feel just as frustrated and disappointed when I think about the fact a low intelligence female Chosen One can be raped by Myron. It's upsetting and uncomfortable, and not in a way I feel furthers the story, because it is subjecting female players to abuse that is all to real to their lives. Male players of the game, by design, will never experience that.

I feel like so much of this could have been solved with more time given to the Legion. There's no Legion companions - The closest you get is Raul, who's neutral on them. You get a tiny corner of the map dedicated to Legion territory, and far less quests than neutral or NCR quests. What about the wives, do the Frumentarii have wives?

The game puts emphasis on how unusual it is for a woman to have as much power in the Legion as the courier can, such as in the line "Last I checked, you needed a weapon between your legs to carry one for Caesar" spoken by Ulysses. It makes me wonder why a nonman Courier would choose the Legion in the first place. If I choose the Legion, what happens when I'm done with the main quest, when I don't have the platinum chip? Do I get enslaved? Do I have to escape and never see the fruits of my labor? Do I get killed? Raped? I know, I know this is the point but it still itches in a bad way.

[singofsolace]

Thoughts on The Rebound (2009)

You know what’s messed up? Double standards in Hollywood and film. Double standards, and a heaping bucket of irony, is what’s messed up.

I’m currently watching Catherine Zeta-Jones as Sandy in The Rebound, who, at the reckoning/climax of the movie, is brought to heartfelt tears because she feels she has to end her loving, healthy, and enthusiastically consensual relationship with her 25 year-old nanny at 40 years old (after an emotional-whiplash reveal of a pregnancy they thought was viable turning out to be ectopic) because the relationship “doesn’t make sense” and “will never work” due to their age difference... meanwhile, in real life... Catherine Zeta-Jones started a relationship with a 53 year-old man when she was 28, and has been married to that same man for 23 years…?

Like, this whole movie’s “dilemma” of a 40 year old woman with a 25 year old man would be a lot more convincing if they hadn’t cast Catherine Zeta-Jones in this role…? Like… what??? (Should I be able to ignore that it's CZJ? Maybe. But I can't.)

After all, Justin Bartha is playing a grown ass adult who has already been married in the plot of the movie. He’s not a child, and shouldn't be treated like one…? He also has other profitable job offers, which he originally turns down, but could (and does) canonically still return to, so the issue of Sandy technically being his boss, and the relationship being improper for that reason, rather than just the age difference being the problem, is basically a non-issue, because he literally has a better job offer on the table from the beginning, and is choosing to work for her instead, but could leave at any time if he wanted to.

And then at the end, they act like a five year time jump solves the problem? Which, if they'd actually established that Aram was profoundly emotionally immature and not ready for fatherhood/had growing up to do, I would be somewhat more accepting of the argument that him traveling the world for five years (in an admittedly weird and gross eat-pray-love white-savior montage of clips) and turning 30 really is the "magic" number that makes this relationship okay... but that's not the story they wrote? They wrote a grown man who said himself that he was ready for fatherhood, and genuinely wanted to be with this woman, regardless of age...?

I think if they wanted the 15-year age difference between grown ass adults to be a genuine problem and source of conflict, they should've made different writing (and casting!!) choices, for goodness sake...? Like show all the moments where the age difference becomes a problem--the moments where they clearly aren't compatible because they don't understand each other's references, or because Aram wants more children and Sandy doesn't because she feels she's too old, or something. Instead, they show us two people who seem incredibly sweet and happy with one another, who are largely on the same page about what they want, but the one "immature" thing highlighted about Aram is that he reads Harry Potter books...?

God. I'm so annoyed that this movie got made the way it did without people questioning these things. It doesn't help that CZJ looks younger than 40, and Justin Bartha was actually 30 in real life. Am I really supposed to be upset about a 30 year old man having sex with a 40 year old woman? Please.

And all of this is being treated like a huge "issue" when CZJ was literally romantically involved with Sean fucking Connery's character in Entrapment when he was 69 and she was 29...?!? People certainly raised their eyebrows at a 40 year age difference, as they should, I think, but there were never any scenes within the movie of Sean's character crying about how it would never work between them...? The movie just accepts that CZJ is a consenting adult at 29 and moves on, even if we, as audience members, don't...?!?

Ugh! What bothers me is that I actually liked this movie, despite everything. Like, I thought it was incredibly sweet and touching, even though the main "conflict" is absurd to me. It's like I'm crossing my arms and scowling while watching, but still begrudgingly enjoying it, which I think is down to Justin Bartha and Catherine Zeta-Jones being charming together, regardless of the circumstances.

Anyway... give The Rebound (2009) a watch and let me know if you agree with any of this.

[the-fractured-truth]

Oliver: Delivering Pizzas Goes Really, Really South - The Fractured Truth: Chapter 1

I'm sure talking with most other demigods will get you the spiel about how this life is dangerous, about how people walk into it and never walk back out, and they're probably right. But gods does it have it's perks. Constantly traveling, being your own boss, and feeling like a superhero most days sounds like a lot of people's dreams. Sure, it's paired with more near-death experiences than years you've been alive, permanent scars in your teens, and psychological trauma that only a dip in the River Lethe will help you get over. But I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of "it'll work out in the end". The feeling of the wind whipping on your face while I zip around is the best, although being seated on a tiny scooter with a Domino's sign slapped on makes it feel way less cool. At least the pizza was warm so I had something to keep me toasty.

"Only one more week" I thought as I zipped into the driveway.

I knocked on the door and to my surprise, there was no one. Until I looked down, at a small satyr man wearing baggy red sweatpants, staring up at me.

"Oh thanks kid, here's your money, and take this too".

He handed over the cash and a few extra drachmas. I gave him a thumbs up and left, hearing some younger kids scream and laugh as their dad pretended to sound like a monster and chase them around. I went back to my boss and told him I was clocking out.

Gary was one of those bosses who thought that he was essentially a god when in the workplace, with all of us employees as his underlings. In reality, Gary was a 5'2" balding middle aged man with a superiority complex and had been clearly compensating for something. He stopped what he was doing as I was taking off my uniform.

"And who said you could leave?" he asked with a smug look.

I sighed, because one more comment from me would have probably gotten me fired.

"The schedule Gary, the one you made, that tells people when they can leave".

He scratched the sorry excuse he had for a beard as if in thought, which I thought was impossible.

"But what if I don't want you to leave? What if I still have work you need to do. You should ask me what else you can do to help around here"

At this point I just wanted to be out of the conversation.

"Oh you're willing to pay me overtime then? I'd be happy to stay a bit longer"

Gary's face immediately dropped. "Hey now I wasn't saying anything about-"

I stopped paying attention, because from the front a customer walked in. She was a good looking woman, though dressed a bit promiscuous. She had a very cropped shirt, short leather skirt, red high heels to match her lipstick, and those white oval glasses. I almost gave her a wave when I noticed something a little off about her. The edges of her hair were on fire. She noticed and extinguished it with two of her fingers, but it came back again. I didn't know who my extremely attractive yet highly flammable stranger was, but I wasn't loving the idea of her doing anything crazy right there and then. I tried as casually as I could to move into a back room to try and get out of sight but I tripped over some crates of Pepsi and made a bunch of noise.

Gary made that annoying sound of trying not to laugh. "See Ollie, this is why you wouldn't be getting overtime. You're causing more problems than you'd solve. I'd be doing you a favor by letting you work more for free. You'd be put to at least some good use."

I turned towards him. "You know what Gary? You're probably right". Then I socked him in the face.

I assumed he wasn't a sturdy guy, and him passing out and almost falling to the ground confirmed that suspicion. I pulled him towards me before he hit the floor and set him down out of the way so he could be safe. I ripped off my uniform, slipped my jacket back on, and grabbed my hilt. Then I walked out the front of the store, greeting woman on the way out.

She lowered her glasses to give me a wink. "Hey handsome, you getting off?" she said with a sly grin. I almost told her I was, as if something was convincing me that I should spend a little more time with her.

I snapped out of it. "No, just making a delivery. Have a nice day ma'am" then I walked out of the store. I looked behind me to see if she was still watching, which she was, so I dashed out of sight and headed to the fenced area where we had our dumpsters.

Once I got to the bins, I ducked to the side to hear if someone was coming. Surely enough, I could hear the sound of heels hitting the concrete a little ways away. I didn't even want to think about what this girl could be, so I was determined to not find out without having the upper hand. I ran over to the fire escape and touched the lock that was keeping it from moving. I felt the innerworkings of the lock undo themselves with my touch, tracing how I assumed the pins were lined, until it popped open. I slid the ladder down, and scrambled up onto the roof. I pulled the ladder back up and willed the lock to close.

I ducked behind the ledge and peered over, hoping to find my scary stalker friend. I saw her shadow first, and then she turned the corner and walked into the middle of the space, looking around. Her hair was now completely on fire, her shirt was more cropped, her skirt was even shorter, her heels taller, and the most noticeable change: she had a copper leg where her old one was. And I thought I was so close to having a normal time away from the camps.

She looked around with a scowl. "Come out little demi-god, you aren't getting away from me."

I started running different scenarios through my head. Fighting her was always an option, but I didn't like my chances. Plus, if the fight left the back area and went into the parking lot or a building, other people might get hurt. Plus, people might think I'm crazy for attacking a gorgeous woman, which wouldn't help much. Still, I couldn't just leave her here. I definitely could make a break for it though, the delivery scooter was just around the corner. I started racking my brain about what I could remember about woman with a metal leg and fire hair, and a legend about this some ladies named Empousa surfaced in my mind. They liked to eat travelers, which fit the bill, and would scream when they heard insults. Oh and not to mention the Charmspeak, which absolutely sucks to be on the receiving end of (believe me). I started to grab some lint from my pockets and plug my ears when she started to cackle.

"Oh you're so funny that you think you can evade me. I know you're here, but it's just a matter of time before you show yourself. Or you'll make a break for it. Your kind was always good at running, weren't they, Son of Hermes. You and your cowardly brethren."

I bent back down and kept covering my ears. I tried to control myself, but I could feel my anger and anxiety rising. I told myself that she's just trying to rile me up. I could still run, being a coward is better than dying for nothing. I could still leave...

"Gods they really are cowards. And he's going to lead the next of father's children? What a joke." The words floated through my makeshift earplugs, I could feel the Charmspeak's honey sickness, but I didn't care. I felt my anger swell higher than I could control. She wasn't going to talk about me like that or my family and get away with it.

I peered over the ledge to see her standing there and scanning the distance. I quietly lifted myself onto the ledge, crouching on it Spider-Man style. I could feel my spite for this woman and her words filling me, my body becoming energized with all the stimulation. Strength swell through me, and I dashed into action. The world around me looked funny, like a laggy video, jittering and moving slower. I jumped off the roof, grabbing onto a pole connected to the fire escape and slid down it, then kicking myself off of the wall and into the Empousa. She slowly turned towards me, her smile shifting to an expression of shock as I shoulder charged into her.

The world seemed to catch up to me, everything speeding back to normal. We crashed into a gate, her hair melting the chain link. I rolled back to get away from her, and grabbed my hilt. I swung it around my thumb like a butterfly knife, metal unfolding until I caught it back in my hand, with a fully extended rapier blade appearing.

I held it up my blade a defensive stance. "God, you're supposed to be the hot ones too huh? I mean the bar's pretty low for monsters but I guess you do pass it."

She laid slumped over against the fence, whipped her head up, and screamed at me. An ear shattering shriek erupted from her lips, which probably would have left my hearing permanently damaged if it weren't for the lint-plugs I put in. Still, I got pushed back and had a ringing in my ears. She stood, hair glowing white hot, and she took a swing at me, her nails extending out to claws. I tried to parry but I was a bit disoriented from getting screamed at, and she clipped my shoulder drawing some blood. I stepped back, took a glance to see how bad it was. Her nails dug through my jacket and shirt and drew some blood, which was now dripping down my sleeve. I pushed her away, shook my head, and tried to get in the fight. If I died here then I don't know what would happen to Harley, or if there were more targeting other demigods. I tried to steady myself, and took another step towards her. She was eyeing me, waiting for a move, then struck fast and hard. I parried, moving her claw to the ground, I stepped in and kneed her, followed by a stab. The adamantine glittered in the light as it punctured her skin, pushing through and drawing blood and dust spilling out of the puncture. She cried out in pain, then tried to swing again, this time I ducked under and kicked her away from me, stepping back and raising my rapier in anticipation. She snapped her head up, eyes glowing red with anger, and she charged me. I side-stepped and stuck my foot out to trip her, as she fell I smacked her back with the hilt of my rapier, causing her to crash into the ground. She laid on the ground for a second dazed, and I took my chance. I grabbed the lock from the fire escape and some chain from the fence she melted, ran over to her. I grabbed her wrist then dragged her over to one of the dumpsters, and chained her to it with makeshift handcuffs. She started to snap out of her daze, and she started yelling at me.

"You think this'll stop me? You kill me, there are others out there. They'll find you. They'll catch you and the rest of you half-bloods when you least expect it."

I looked at her, not quite phased by the repetitive "We'll get you" monster speech I've heard a million times at this point. But those words from earlier, her stab at me being a coward, that I'm going to fail leading the children of Hermes. I felt my anger swell and I couldn't help myself, I couldn't control myself, and I don't think I would have if I wanted to. I walked towards her, reached for a small Celestial Bronze combat knife I carried in my jacket pocket. I stabbed one of her legs with my rapier, causing it to writhe in pain. Then kneeled down and grabbed her copper one. I looked her in the eyes and stabbed into it, then sliced down. It cut like a knife through warm butter, until I was left holding a copper leg, and left looking at a disintegrating demon.

Demigods took trophies all the time. Why would this be any different? I held onto it for the time being, but I realized that I wasn't very safe as I was. I don't think Chiron or Lupa would mind me paying them some visits early. It was time to head back to the camps, which meant it was time to pay my dad a visit.

(For those of you that read this far, PLEASE comment with critique, trying to get better)

[villain-in-love]

Twisted Wonderland self-insert

Katarina is a mysterious student from another world and the prefect of the Ramshackle dorm.

Basic info

Age: 18 years

Species: Human

Height: 167cm

Occupation: Night Raven College student, Ramshackle dorm leader

Love interest: Jamil Viper

Abilities

She absorbs magic from her surroundings but has little to no control over this process or the magic itself. Ends up becoming a walking paranormal activity zone.

Obsessively studies alchemy and potions to compensate her lack of magic abilities, and she’s quite good at it.

Hides a fair amount of stolen magical artefacts in her closet.

Personality

Katarina established herself as chill, friendly, and disarmingly straight-forward person, but at the same time she’s callous and calculative, clearly understanding her overwhelmingly disadvantageous position in comparison to other students and that her only leverage here will be her intelligence. In a situation like this, she has taken it as a rule to not “bite” unless provoked. It’s annoying, but there’s no other way.

She still allows herself to be cheeky and likes joking around,  and despite being a so-called “supervisor”, Katarina seems to enjoy some chaos.

Strategic genius. The first to poke at the holes in someone’s logic or find any loopholes in rules, but also abuses the same rules to benefit herself.

Because there’s not much she can do alone by herself, she often ends up bossing other students around so that they would execute whatever she has planned. Katarina is not above using emotional manipulation, blackmail, intimidation, lies or any other trick in the book to force unwilling people to cooperate.

While she has to always solve other people’s problems which constantly gets her into dangerous situations, she stays silent about her own issues because she doesn’t want anyone to use her weaknesses against her. She purposefully discloses minimum important information about herself, keeping her worries and insecurities secret.

Appearance

A girl of an average height and built, with dark-brown hair and pitch-black eyes. Katarina is pale and has shadows under her eyes because of the stress and sleep deprivation. She’s always covered in cuts, bruises, or other injuries as a result of having to constantly deal with overblots and other misadventures.

Katarina wears regular NRC uniform, accustomed to fit female figure better. That is: white dress shirt, stripped tie, and all black vest, jacket, and dress pants. She often wears her jacket draped over her shoulders and unbuttons three top buttons of her shirt. The only touch of color seems to be a purple ribbon with an old Ramshackle emblem tied around the sleeve of her jacket.

In her free from school time she’s most often seen in a black dress shirt with white and grey vest, black pants, and black combat boots.

Character maker link: https://www.neka.cc/composer/12277

P.S. Picrew picture is not the most accurate portrayal of the character and is just here to give the overall impression. Maybe one day I will draw everything properly myself.

[fuck-customers]

Hi so I’m the anon who wrote in a while ago abt how I was tired of how some other staff peer over my shoulder every 2 secs and being babysat - and having an incident with vouchers which I sorted out but this coworker acted like they solved the problem and were being condescending abt it. Aaaanywho, boy do I have an update abt that coworker. So I’m not sure on the exact details, I just heard this story off a couple other coworkers who also think this person is a complete dckhead.

Apparently there was an incident last week involving her flailing a knife about in her hands while talking (obviously this is a big no no cause, like, duh) and idk how exactly it happened, if the person she was on with just walked up behind her or just rounded a corner out of sight but long story short, bitchy coworker A ended up cutting open slightly less bitchy coworker B’s back of her hand; apparently it was a deep gash all across her knuckles. On the one hand, we’re all kind of findin it funny considering her usual “I’m the boss I know best I’m better then y’all” attitude, on the other were pretty fcking annoyed bc we know damn well if any of us did that we’d get written up if not straight up fired, meanwhile she’s facing no reprocussions bc she’s “SeNIoR STaFf”

So I had a shift this morning, it was an early shift and anyone who knows me knows I am not a morning person and to just kinda leave me alone until midday at least. So I try to order food for the end of my shift using my staff discount (this is fine, ur allowed to use it so long as u have a break that shift, and can use it either during that break or at the end of ur shift, everyone knows this) and little miss know it all starts trying to give me the business about “uhm actually, you can only order food for your break, company policy blah blah rules blah blah” I’m already pissed off, it’s way past my bedtime, I’ve been working back to black closing shifts and was not having it so I just went “Oh I’m sorry? I could’ve sworn you were trying to lecture me about rules and policies after you cut X’s hand open the other week, beg your pardon?” She went fucking white and red all in the span of 5 seconds - it was hilarious! The other coworker was covering her mouth trying not to laugh. Needless to say she’s fucking furious with me but what’s she gonna do? Go cry to management when I’m not even in the wrong? Feels so good knocking her down a peg when she’s such a condescending btch to everyone, I’m not the only person who’s clapped back at her abt it when she’s tried to be a smartass. Get what you give, try to make us feel bad for minor mistakes, then we’ll keep reminding you of how you could’ve literally fucking killed someone acting like an idiot!

[thosemintcookies]

I think the worst crime of the current DD run is that it reads really liberal. It sets up interesting stuff about prison abolition and the spectre of personal guilt in matters of justice and even race issues and whatever but it doesn't follow through with a real statement on it, not to mention i really don't think a white man should be like. THE face of these conversations? We already have Luke having all these conversations. I think the fact he just sort of chose to go to prison is a certified white girl boss moment it's literally the set up to orange is the new black where the lady realizes she's the least interesting person there. It sets up fun stuff about the community, how to spend money in ways that are actually helpful to community interests etc. Idk we could have had Elektra learning to take an interest in the city beyond her ties to Matt, who she hasn't dated in 20 years. You have the best annual ever (Mike!) But then you barely utilize him and just make it petty family squabbles until he legitimately dies. I'm being a stinker hates but I have siblings and as much as I hate them we've endured the same traumas and also I love and support them. I wanted to see them connect.

Idk matts character is previously established to be one of narcissistic self interest and extreme guilt but I think also that he's naturally violent and vengeful. He's extremely self-justifying and he thinks his sadness absolves him of his selfishness. But in this run his intentions are more or less justifiable in a vague "moral goodness" kind of way and not "this is what I want" kind of way. I know a lot of people are coming from the Netflix show where they sanitized his intentions but the most annoying parts of him were his white saviour complex even then.

Also I don't get the impression there's any input from real religious people in this run all the dialogue about religious morality read black and white when in religious communities I've been in (other than cultish fundamental groups, whose faith I found rather shallow to be fucking honest) It's been about growth and development and complexity. A core tenet of Christianity is the fundamental worthiness of everyone. It's love at the core of the universe. It's personal guilt over one's own sins but these arise from goodwill and love of those you've wronged. What kind of freak only feels guilty about murder because God told then it's wrong. I don't know. There aren't easy answers in atheism or religion. Philosophy hasn't been solved.

Like in studying criminology the hottest take and the biggest takeaway is that community connections and love drive people away from violence and addiction. We could have been having the story where Matt realizes that the connections he has redeems him, that guilt is an emotion of inactivity, that using the prison system as his way of absolving his guilt rather than restorative action with the people hes wronged is silly and useless.

Maybe it's because I think white people telling me about their guilt is annoying. Maybe it's because people have talked down to poc for their "backwards" beliefs and a lot of the talking points feel similar. Everyone is an annoying liberal and no one knows how to embrace each other.

[andypantsx3]

if i could keep cool | 2

pairing: Todoroki Shouto / Reader

length: 20,322 words / 6 chapters

summary: A villain attacks Shouto Todoroki’s apartment and kidnaps what he apparently believes to be Todoroki’s secret lover. The bad news—for both you and the villain in question—is that you’re just there to clean the place. That’s how it starts.

tags: romance, reader-insert, accidental sugar daddy shouto, misunderstandings

warnings: aged up characters, eventual smut

You spent the next week with your stomach in knots.

Why had you told Shouto Todoroki to go fuck himself? He was being a total asshole, sure, but couldn’t you have kept your cool for like thirty seconds? He was going to call your boss at the cleaning service and tell her exactly what you had said to him, and then not only would you be dismissed from service at his apartment, but then you’d be so fucking fired from your entire job. You could kiss more than your Netflix subscription and fresh vegetables goodbye--your whole food and rent budget was going to hemorrhage and bleed dry.

You’d clocked into your next few shifts with baited breath, just waiting for the moment your boss demanded to speak with you in her office, shock and disappointment twisting her matronly features. Only, the entire week passed, and the call never seemed to come.

Even more confusingly, no guidance had seemed to be issued at all about the fact that you weren’t welcome in Todoroki’s apartment anymore. Your manager never said anything, never spoke to you about reassignment or a schedule change, had only asked if you felt well enough to continue to pick up your shifts in the week after the incident. She’d made a little quip about hazard pay, but hadn’t even acknowledged the incident beyond that.

So when the next Thursday rolled around and your morning lecture let out, you had no idea if you were supposed to head over to Todoroki’s apartment or not.

You stood outside the lecture hall, considering. On the one hand, you could call and ask your manager exactly what the expectations were. On the other, however, if she didn’t already know, then you telling her was going to surface the fact that he’d fired you, and that was going to lead to a more uncomfortable conversation about your employment overall. But maybe she did know, and just hadn’t mentioned it to you? What if Todoroki had just assumed that you would tell her, though, and they would send someone else in your place? If no one showed up to clean, he was going to call, and then you were going to get fired.

You started a slow path towards his apartment. Maybe you could just show up to check and see if any of your coworkers had been sent in your place. And if they hadn’t, you could finish out your last shift there. Besides, the schedule had been set specifically for when he was supposed to be out of the apartment, so it wasn’t like he was going to be there to see that it was you who was doing the cleaning. You could grab the last of the hefty tips and store that up for when you had to switch out with someone in the next week. And then all would be solved, and your Netflix subscription was the only thing that would really suffer for it.

You tapped your foot nervously as you rode the train further into downtown where he lived. Come to think of it, no one had asked you to pass off the keys to his place. Had he really not told your manager that he’d given you the boot?

The flames of your suspicion were fanned when security in the lobby of his building seemed unphased by your presence, and were confirmed when you took the elevator up to his floor and unlocked his door to peek through--none of your coworkers were in sight.

He hadn’t told anyone.

You took a few nervous steps into the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind you. You shouldered off your backpack, dumping it on one of the high stools at the kitchen island and looked around curiously. The glass from the shattered windows had been swept up, and the windows already replaced. Nothing else appeared out of order, no other evidence that the last time you’d been in here, you’d been kidnapped and almost killed.

The thought sent a shiver down your spine. You’d clean this place at lightning speed, grab your tip, and peace the absolute fuck out before anything more could happen.

You ducked down under the kitchen sink to fish out your usual supplies, pulling on a pair of gloves and grabbing the duster, a microfiber cloth, and a couple of the disinfectants and solutions. You had just piled it all on the counter and were reaching down to grab more when you heard the soft snick of a door opening.

You immediately ducked down behind the counter, and your arm shot out to grab a bottle of windex like it would do anything to protect you from whoever was approaching the kitchen with quiet footsteps. Maybe you could spray it in their eyes and make a run for it.

You stared in the direction of the footfalls, heart beating wildly in your chest.

There was a pause, and then a deep voice issued from over the counter top. “I know you’re there.”

You bit back a swear. You knew that voice, and this was even worse than encountering another villain in his apartment.

Slowly, you climbed to your feet, stomach sinking. That pair of two-toned eyes fixed on you unblinkingly, and a carefully-crafted mask of blank stillness slid over his handsome features. It was too deliberate, and your last hope that maybe he wouldn’t remember you was snuffed out like a candle in the wind.

“I, uh, thought you weren’t supposed to be here,” you said by way of explanation, cringing. You were so absolutely fucked.

He considered you carefully. You noted he was wearing a deep blue button up over white trousers, which was decidedly not his hero uniform, and any hope of him being on his way out to patrol was similarly extinguished.

“I owe you an apology,” he said quietly.

You startled so violently that you dropped the windex. “W-what?”

His eyes tracked you closely, and you felt like you might burst into flame from the intensity of his focus. “I was...mistaken about who you were.”

You stared at him incredulously. How could he be mistaken about who you were if he had no damn idea in the first place?

Your confusion must have shown clearly on your face, because he sighed. “My manager schedules the cleaning days. I didn’t realize that you were--that is to say, I thought you were a fan who had broken in and managed to get kidnapped while you were at it.”

You gaped. He’d thought you were a crazy fan? Suddenly, his comments about your stupidity and you invading his privacy made complete sense. Maybe just after being rescued was not the time for him to have made those comments, but you could see why he had, if he’d thought you had forced your way into his home and had been in the process of going through his things before you were surprised by a villain.

“Oh, I, um...nope. Not a fan,” you managed. Well, yes a fan, but not in a breaking and entering kind of a way. And not a fan in the last week. Your twitter, which had previously featured the occasional retweeted shot of his abs, had now been filled with a lot of anti-Todoroki content, including one truly horrible picture of him photoshopped with a half ice, half flame beard, looking horrendously like his father.

Todoroki let out a slow breath, and you thought you could see it mist in the apartment air. Was his quirk acting up? He must still be annoyed, regardless.

“Well glad that’s cleared up now. I’ll just, uh, go then,” you said, grabbing an armful of the cleaning supplies and shoving it back under the sink hastily. When you stood back up, you almost had a heart attack, as he had rounded the counter so quietly that you hadn’t heard him, and was now standing in between you and your escape.

“Wait,” he said, looking uncomfortable. “I want to make up for what I said to you. You...didn’t deserve that, especially not right after you’d just been kidnapped by a villain.”

You eyed the space between his hip and the counter, wondering if you should make a break for it anyway, and if his hero reflexes were fast enough to stop you. The air in the apartment was growing increasingly discomfiting and it was clear Todoroki hated this.

You waved a hand. “It’s fine. You saved me, we can call it even.”

Something flashed behind his eyes. “It’s my fault you were taken in the first place. I'd like to apologize properly.”

Your own sense of shame slowly crept up on you and your face burned as you suddenly remembered the way you’d told him to go fuck himself. He’d been a douche to you, yes, but he’d literally saved your life and you’d told him to go fuck himself.

You accidentally blurted as much. “You don’t actually have to go fuck yourself.”

He stared at you, and your cheeks heated. Jesus Christ, you needed to leave.

“Uh, I mean. You saved my life,” you babbled, suddenly desperate to put conversational distance from the phrase go fuck yourself. “And yeah what you said to me was super rude, but what I said to you was also super rude. So, um, I’m sorry too. And I really would just like to call it even and forget about it because it’s super embarrassing for both of us and I could literally die thinking about it.”

You could admit, now, that you knew it had been extra embarrassing for him. Even though it wasn’t your fault, in the past week, you’d seen nothing but headlines exploring the rumors that Todoroki had a secret lover. Luckily your name had been kept out of things, but even you could tell it was costing his agency a lot not to just throw the real story out there and the contact details to your cleaning service to calm the media firestorm.

You could only imagine how uncomfortable things could get for you if all of Japan got wind of what had happened, and just what you’d said to him afterwards.

“I hadn’t really planned on it,” Todoroki said, and you tilted your head in question.

“Hadn’t planned on what?”

“Fucking myself,” he clarified, looking serious, and you choked on a laugh.

A small smile tugged at his mouth, then, and some of your discomfort with him evaporated. So the hero had a sense of humor.

“Oh, well that’s good, then," you said. Then you added, "That’s probably a job for your actual secret lover.”

He raised a white eyebrow. “Not you, too.”

You threw him a smile. “But I have evidence. I saw that homemade soup in your fridge once with the love note attached.”

It took him a moment, but then Todoroki smirked. “Ah yes. That secret lover.”

“Cute pet name, too,” you said.

Todoroki let out a low laugh. “You fucking fuck, was it?”

You laughed too, tension easing from your shoulders. Maybe Todoroki wasn’t all bad, then. He had a sense of humor, it seemed, and he’d apologized to you for what he’d said. Maybe you wouldn’t be fired after all, and you could just peacefully transfer your shifts without any blowback from your manager. You could probably weasel your way into a friend’s Netflix account anyway. You’d miss the vegetables, though.

“As it happens, however, I did already plan more of an apology,” Todoroki said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You looked up at him, your brow furrowing. “You planned...more of an apology?”

He gestured to a tall vase of white tulips on the kitchen counter. They hadn’t been there any of your previous shifts, but you hadn’t really taken note of them when you’d walked in today. You’d just assumed they were sent by a fan or something.

“I’ve been told that they mean forgiveness and new beginnings. I had hoped that we might...start over,” he said. He looked a little self conscious again.

“I didn’t bring you any flowers,” you blurted.

He coughed suddenly, like he was stifling a surprised laugh. “I hadn’t expected them.”

Your eyes were drawn back to the tulips. They were pretty, their petals thick and full like they had just been about to bloom before they were picked, and they were stark white, like fresh snow, or the right half of Todoroki’s distinctive mop of hair. You hadn’t ever been given flowers before, except for the time you’d graduated middle school. Flowers from your aunt didn’t really count, though.

“Thank you,” you said, looking back up at Todoroki. He was watching you closely, and you felt embarrassment prickle over your skin at being stared at with such intensity. Was he always this intense? Various twitter memes had suggested yes, but it was one thing to know it abstractly and another to experience it in real life, especially when he was even more overwhelming to look at in person.

Now that your anger with him had burned away, you could admit that Shouto Todoroki was way too handsome for anyone’s good, least of all yours. He was tall, leanly muscled, and broad across the shoulders with a trim waist and impossibly long legs. His face, too, was almost unreal, so carefully and perfectly structured with a high-bridged nose, a soft, sensuous mouth, and bright, intelligent eyes. Even the scar only added interest, and did absolutely nothing to detract from the striking beauty of his features.

It was honestly a surprise that you’d managed to get any words out around him at all. You supposed you had the novelty of the situation you’d found yourself in to thank for that. If you’d met him under any other circumstances you probably would have choked on your own tongue and tried to disappear as fast as you could manage.

Pretty boys were not your area of expertise.

“I also wanted to make it clear that I didn’t mean what I said,” Todoroki added in his low tone. “About your being unwelcome here. I don’t intend to interfere with your employment.”

You considered him in surprise. Did this mean...you weren’t resigned to ramen for the next two semesters?

“That’s good to hear, thank you,” you said. Then you smiled, feeling charitable. “As you can see, though, it didn’t really deter me.”

Todoroki smirked. “If I hadn’t seen the cleaning supplies already on the counter, I would be concerned that you’d come back for revenge.”

“There’s still time,” you joked. “Maybe I was going to play the long game and fill all the bottles with Sprite.”

He let out another surprised laugh. “I hope the flowers are enough of a deterrent.”

You looked over the flowers again, then smiled up at him. “The bribe has been accepted. Your countertops are safe from me.” You paused, then added, “For now.”

Something strangely like a challenge glinted in his eyes. “Be warned that I will do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of my countertops.”

“You don’t even use them,” you complained, “I can tell. But message received, I’ll spare them.” Your eyes searched back over them, and it dawned on you that you hadn’t been fired, and should probably actually be cleaning them if you intended to keep the job after all. “Now clear out, I do actually have to clean them now.”

Todoroki allowed himself to be bullied out of the kitchen fairly easily, though he didn’t go far.

He took a seat in the living room, which thanks to the open floor plan of his modern apartment, allowed him to supervise you easily enough. He pulled down a book from one of his shelves, but either it was super boring or he wasn’t any good at pretending to read, as it stayed flipped open to the first page for a very long time, and you thought you caught more than the occasional flash of curious grey and blue from the corner of your eye.

He didn’t last long past the first hour of pretending to read, however, and eventually wandered back over to sit at the island while you worked. He launched into a series of questions about you, and seemed genuinely curious about you now that he’d confirmed for himself that you weren’t a crazy stalker fan.

You couldn’t understand why he seemed so interested, but you found yourself telling him anything he wanted to know, detailing your classes, your cranky roommate, your job at the cleaning service to feed you during the semester, the fattie deal on broccoli you’d scored at the grocery store last week, and finally your hobbies including your love of reading, though you hadn’t had much time or budget for books since the school year began. You made sure to steer clear of any mention of your twitter, though, and the multitude of ab shots and recent slew of anti-Todoroki content on it. There was only so much of your life that could be shared with a celebrity hero.

Eventually, you’d covered all your usual ground, and had shouldered on your backpack to leave for the night, but Todoroki stopped you, and insisted on calling you a car home as it had gotten dark. You tried to decline, but on this point he seemed adamant, and not long after you found yourself bundled into the backseat of an agency car, vase of white tulips clutched in your hands.

It was only after you’d let yourself into your apartment and set down the tulips and your bag that you discovered a much thicker bundle of a tip than usual tucked into the side pocket of your backpack. You blanched as you unfolded the bills, staring somewhat stupidly down at the amount. A slim note had been tucked into the fold of the bills, and though you weren’t familiar with the neat handwriting and hadn’t even seen him go for a pen and paper, the note for vegetables was so clearly from Todoroki.

Worse, it told you that Todoroki had actually been listening to your ramblings, and you wondered what other weird things you’d said that had caught his interest enough for him to remember. You hoped nothing else, and that he’d forget it all soon enough anyway. You’d made nice now, but it wasn’t like you guys were going to be fast friends or anything.

You considered the money for a long while, then picked out the amount that was usually left out for you and added it to your wallet. Torodoki had admitted earlier that his manager handled the cleaning service scheduling, and it was likely she was typically responsible for leaving a tip aside for you as well. Todoroki probably didn’t know how much she usually left, and as much as you desperately wanted to pocket the rest of the cash and make a break for the nearest vegetable aisle, you felt weird accepting it.

You could return it during your shift early next week, and that would close out the weird fever dream that the past week had been.

And then, you could finally get back to normal.

[mouseratz]

Gotham season 4x15-17

4x15

-martin :(

-"uncle penguin sent me to get you" IM GONNA CRY IM GONNA CRYYY

-thats not how you say memaw.

- THE HEADHUNTER LMAO

- "DUDE, I thought you stopped being a cop?"

- "save it. cuz you're probably gonna be a douchebag to me later anyways." "Missed you too."

- he's still got a bloody nose sniffling LMAO

- you've got that stupid fucking hat again.

- "it's a fantastic plan."

- he's in the sewers....just like comics

- OH DEAR.

- "but you're not Ed anymore."

- THE FACE OF REALISATION.

- "oh, god, no."

- HELL YEAH LEE

- hey there Barbara.

- lmfao....victor

- Jesus Christ. riddler

- kinda down with it though. Sooo fun. Best scene everrr

- "I'm not even gonna ask."

- where? what the.....

- covered in frost. so angry

- Jim got shot. SAD. well, there are other mediocre white men

- twice....

- "can't catch a break today. let's go get a milkshake.'

- THREE TIMES?

- FOUR?

- FUCK YEAH!

- penguin came for him. they're back here, again.

- "you gave up your revenge for me?" gay.

- "....but I trust you, Ed."

- "I have a strong desire to never, ever see this pier again." "I agree."

- SOFIA GOT SHOT IN THE HEAD AND LIVED. WHAT IS IN THE WATER IN GOTHAM JESUS CHRIST

- glad lee is having her girlboss moments.

- ra's?

4x16

- ew. Tetch.

- SCARECROW YIPPEEEE YIPPEEE YIPPEE

- THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

- just remembered when me and my cousin used to yell LETS BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND.....everytime we left somewhere as an inside joke but I no longer know what it referenced

- actually tetch is funny now that he's just annoying and likes to rhyme

- THAT WAS FUNNY THOUGH

- Selina and Bruce are fun too.

- whaaat is the Barbara and ra's plot.

- okey dokey.

- Bruce's plot is sooo funny. I love his lying.

- he's soooo rude.

- ICKYYY HE ATE THE GUM....

- "that toilet paper jingle I love so much."

- Jerome is preddy awesome still

- his family really did suck LMAO

- "got it. Lost it. Write it down.'

- he is so good. Soooo funny.

- this episode is so good.

- "alright. See ya crazy kids later!'

- the sisters of the league....hashtag feminism

- "I can do this crazy thing, cuz if it goes sideways, Jim Gordons gonna save me." Bullock do you have something to share with the class.

- They're all so cute together in their little outfits. Boys night!

4x17

-what are these guys up to now....

-jim knew it was the clock....but there were too many.

- penguin is SLAYING

- his hair is soooo good.

- "ooh. Pun worthy. Excellent."

- USE THE TONGS, CARL!

- Im an artist.

- Jerome and the old lady....

- "oh, don't get up. I won't waste too much of your time."

- "Jimbo! oh, buddy, oh pal, it's great to see ya!"

- RIDDLE TIME! THE RIDDLE FACTORY!

- she is sooo dramatic.

- bitches love wheels.

- RABID SACK OF RATS!

- whoever that is, she was READY

- I looove Oswald's coat an amazing amount.

- I do want to remind Oswald, you know, you did cut off his hand. You weren't exactly the best boss, we can agree, yeah?

- the heart hands. LMAO

- he....has a twin? ok

- "she thinks stapling a barracuda to someone's face isn't damn good entertainment."

- trust! that's my guess

- ugh. a promise. close.

- A MAZE HOUSE....

- Jerome really can solve the labyrinth. Huh.

- he didn't actually do those things?

- BULLOCK LMAO

- them all running by.....

- I love you. that's the words. but it's a trap.

- DO WE GET TO SEE STRANGE AGAIN? :D

- she reciprocated? that's a hell of a surprise. Lee I'm gonna be honest your taste in men has not been shown to be fantastic.

- AN UNWILLING BUSINESSMAN!

- the cgi wasn't great.

[write-orflight]

Galileo. Prologue

**Gif Not Mine**

Next Chapter

Pairings: SpencerXReader, enemies to friends to lovers trope

Rating: M

Words: 1.5K (She’s a smol Prologue)

Warnings: None right now. but will eventually be smut. 

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: Y/N is an astronomer with her head constantly in the stars. But when a serial killer is threatening NASA’s top scientists, she is left in the protective custody of a man who’s gravitational pull threatens to pull her back down to earth.

A.N Hey, my children! This is an idea that’s been plaguing me for weeks and I just had to get at least the prologue out (This series is mainly just my excuse to get my pointless knowledge about space out there). I’m probably not going to update this until I finish ‘trouble’ which should be in this next coming week. I’m just really excited about this one and wanted to put it out there too. Message to be on the taglist! -Cia

                         Prologue: Mercury 

There are 400 billion stars in the galaxy. 

Some insignificant, some small, some large, and some with great potential. 

Humans were the same way. Though most were insignificant to you, which is why you didn’t indulge in the trifles of relationships and companionship. The stars were far more interesting to you. 

And you spent your life studying them. 

Ever since your dad bought you your first telescope at age 7, you knew exactly what your purpose was. To study and find out what else was out there. And for a while that was all you did, all through school, no time for boys, friendship and trivial prepubescent things, your mind was literally in the clouds. That carried you all the way to Yale where you graduated Summa cum Laude with 3 Phds in Astronomy, Engineering, and Physics. 

Getting the job at NASA wasn’t surprising to you at all. 

Meeting Jonathan was. 

Your first day together had been uneventful, you had been introduced and told your assignment which was to just track the movement of a comet that came every fifty years. A couple of months in and by pure accident you saw her. 

It couldn’t be. 

You immediately yelled at him to come over, to confirm that you were just crazy but he had seen it too. You had just discovered a planet. And not just any planet one that through your research could very well sustain human life. Jonathan, though not knowing you long, picked you up in a giant hug and swung you around. You couldn’t help the smiles and tears that had fallen from your eyes. This was exactly why you were doing this, for the art of discovery and the overwhelming feeling that came with it. 

After weeks of convincing the boards and getting funding, you and Jonathan were now heads of your own department solely designed for tracking and finding new information on Gaia, the planet the two of you graciously named. Now your nights were filled with solving equations and trying to get more than a glimmer of Gaia from your telescope. Alas, as much as you loved her, she was very slow. Jonathan would play his old jazz records and sing off-key dancing around the planetarium gifted by NASA. You didn’t know exactly when they happened, but you started to feel like maybe all humans weren’t insignificant and you started to feel like that about Jonathan. You found yourself watching his bright smile as he danced and singed around, often asking you to please dance with him, which you always declined. 

Now you wish you had. 

If you knew it’d be the last time, you for sure would have. 

But no one could’ve predicted a serial killer coming after NASA scientists. 

And no one could’ve predicted you walking into work and seeing your best friends throat slit ear to ear. 

————————————————— 

The months following Maeve’s death were hard on Spencer. He was a man of science, he knew probability and often relied on statistics for his job. The predictability of it was what made it easy to cope.  

But sometimes it wasn’t. And sometimes he hated the unpredictability of his job. 

Losing Maeve had definitely been one of those days. 

On one of his first couple weeks back, he’s called into the briefing room. 

“We don’t have to go far for this case.” JJ says manning the slides to show the team “Four NASA scientists at the Goddard Flight Center in Maryland have been found in their offices, throat slit and hands bound with duct tape behind the back.”

“Execution style…” Morgan says with a grimace. “Brutal.” 

“Obviously someone angry too.”  Emily adds. “To just do it like that, no sign of remorse. But the jaggedness of it makes it look passionate.” 

“The police and NASA believe they know who the next target is as well.” JJ adds moving to the next slide which showed a beautiful girl standing in front of a whiteboard of equations. Long silky hair tied up in a bun, glasses on her face and bright white teeth shown through the smile. You could obviously tell the picture was taken for an article or sort. Spencer thought she was cute but didn’t dwell on it long. “This is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. She worked alongside Victim #4, Jonathan Brewer as co-head scientists of the Terra-Mora project.” 

“They think the Unsub is specifically targeting her department and people who have done work for her department. And if he’s already killed the partner...” Hotch trails off. 

“He’s escalating…” Spencer adds. 

“Which puts her under extreme risk. Which is why I’m putting her in protective custody.” Hotch adds. “Reid, I’d like you to do that.” 

Spencer looks confused. “Why me? Shouldn’t someone like Morgan or Prentiss go?” 

“I’ve been told Dr. Y/L/N is very reluctant about having security. I figured having someone as intelligent as her would cushion the blow.” 

Spencer leaned back in his chair. Great… just what he needed. 

————————————— 

“No, Clifton.” 

“It’s not up for discussion, Y/N.” Cliff says walking away from you down the hall. You speed up to catch up with him. 

“I’m 31 years old! I don’t need a babysitter.” You said, angrily. 

“You’re not getting a babysitter, Y/N. The FBI is being gracious enough to provide you extra security. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you people are dying.” 

“You know you don’t have to remind me! I lost Jon!” 

“Then you know why you have to take protection, Y/N. You know what important work you and Jonathan were doing. You’re the only one left to finish it. Please just let someone take care of you while they catch the sick man who’s doing this.” You sigh, Cliff takes that as compliance. “Now get to work. I’ll show him to your office when he gets here.” 

You walk into work and look at the time, 10:30 PM, peak time for planets to be seen. And if you were lucky, you’d probably get a glimmer of her again. You were right because just as soon as you stepped up to the telescope there she was, or more like there was a sliver of her. You’ve never been able to get a full look at Gaia, but just past Saturn was the curvature of the dwarf planet you adored so much. You pick up your tape recorder, and begin to speak into it.

“January 16th, Terra-Mora logs. This is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. Dr. Jonathan Brewer has passed and will no longer be making logs.” You choke up a bit but clear your throat and keep going. “Gaia’s Southwest region is visible from earth tonight. Seems her clouds are finally dissipating, and you can see some of her icy plains, I am pretty positive it’s a lake. Hopefully with the Approval of SPOT, we’ll be able to know for sure what’s up there.” You look at your door to see your boss, Dr. Clifton and a man standing watching you. “Y/L/N out.” You say into the tape recorder. 

You get up to walk over the two men. 

“You know everyone does their logs into the computers now, no one uses an actual tape anymore.” Clifton says. 

“I’m old fashioned.” You cross your arms. 

“This is Dr. Spencer Reid with the Behavioral Analysis Unit. He will be watching you while we figure out what’s happening.” 

“This is who’s supposed to be protecting me?” You ask. “You look like a strong wind would blow you over.” 

The man looks at you annoyed. “I can assure you, I’m more than capable of doing my job, Miss--” 

“Doctor.” You say. 

“Excuse me.” 

“It’s Dr. Y/N Y/L/N. And I worked very hard and paid a lot of debt for the title so I’d prefer it if you used it.” You looked annoyed right back at him. Something about the man rubbed you the wrong way. 

Dr. Clifton looks at the both of you uncomfortable. “Well I’ll leave you both to it.” He nods at you both before leaving you alone.  

“I think we got off on the wrong--” 

“Listen Dr. Reid.” You cut him off. “This is probably going to be hell for the both of us. I expressed heavily to my boss about not needing protective custody which of course fell on deaf ears, so I’m going to make one thing clear. We’re not here to be friends. I’m here to do important work that I now have to do single-handedly because you guys failed to do your work in the first place and my coworker had to die because of it.” Tears threatened to choke you but you didn’t let them. “And to be frank, I don’t know what exactly you’re here for besides being a pain in my ass so I suggest staying out of my way and not fucking touching anything. Keep that in mind and we’ll get along swimmingly.” You say, turning your back to him, heading back to the telescope and looking at him as if daring him to challenge you. For a second it looks like he might, he’s standing trying very hard not to look like he’s completely fuming. Then he just blows a frustrated breath and sits in a chair halfway across the room. 

You didn’t know why, and you didn’t have a real reason. 

But you decided that you hated Dr. Spencer Reid. 

Which you guessed was another thing humans could be.   

Message to be tagged!

[star-ocean-peahen]

All right let's continue my original zelda story. Content warning for death and injury.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (Other posts are tagged #cotf)

Today we get to the midpoint of the game. You know how the formula for Zelda is usually "in order to get The Big Thing, get These Smaller Things, then once you get that Big Thing (sometimes the Master Sword) then go get more Small Things for the second Big Thing" and then fight the final boss? Oversimplifying it but yeah. One more round of dungeons after this and then the final fight.

So after the first round of dungeons (And plenty of development!) we head to get the Master Sword for reasons yet undefined. Ganon sent a minion in the form of a giant snake to guard the sword and keep it out of the heroes' hands, so that's who they have to fight to get the sword.

OH this is irrelevant to the current events but I forgot to explain their group dynamics. Working idea is that Link is the main controllable character and the other two (Shei and Stella) swap out to solve puzzles/do certain actions/story stuff etc. Because it's really freaking difficult to play a game where an npc follows you around all the time, Link carries Stella in a backpack (like just as a bag of bones) and in combat situations (where id imagine npc following would be the most tense) Shei gets all magicky and starts glowing and floating. Kinda like Zelda in Age of Calamity.

.....Except, Shei doesn't have the best handle on his goddess powers, so he can't really control where he moves very well. In order to remedy this, Link has to lasso him and tow him around like the Triforce of Wisdom a balloon. Actually looking that over again it still seems kinda annoying so maybe that's an event specific thing instead of being present in every combat situation........hmm im rambling BUT the point is both Shei and Stella are present and active in fights.

SO back to the story they fight big evil snake and like close to the end SOMETHING happens (gonna shoot off ideas because im not sure what it should be yet) that gets Shei bitten by the evil snake. (Like. not the actual snake itself that one's huge like it splits into a bunch of smaller ones or spawns a bunch of little snakes) Some sort of event happens during the fight that should make that unavoidable but not feel like a punishment to the player, if that makes any sense? Like I don't want it to feel like you didn't beat the boss fast enough/well enough but I also don't want it to feel like it comes out of left field. I guess I want it to feel like it had to happen and there was nothing you could do?? (Like idk the floor gives out and trips Shei or at the end of one damage pattern it flies to the side and pins him down for a moment or something like that)

ANYWAY that was a lot of rambling obscuring a very important event SO-

You do manage to defeat the boss and reach the Master Sword, but just as Link pulls it Shei goes white and crumples (alternatively: gets a nosebleed), revealing the injury he sustained during the battle.

Impa, who accompanied them because she guided them to the Master Sword (Impa pops in and out of the action bc she has stuff to do elsewhere, also known as she shows up when its convenient), uses her Monocle of Truth (oh yeah I forgot to say she had that its like the lens of truth thats why shes wearing a monocle in the picrews) and determines that the venom of the snake is full of evil power and has no antidote.

They all panic. Shei doesn't want to die. He's not ready to accept any sort of future (throughout the story so far I want to imply that he's living in the present and doesn't like to think about what might happen in the future), especially not one where he dies.

✨Circumstances✨ come up that prevent them from leaving the area (monster resurgence, rubble blocking the exit, etc.), so they can't get help (still reworking those reasons). They can move him to a different clearing (this is a forest temple kind of place) where the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the wind is blowing, and it's all a contrast to what's happening.

Eventually they figure out all they can do is stay with him (😭 forgive me im still trying to give this moment the emotion it deserves and its Not Quite There yet so this is all you get sorry-). Remember this picture that I posted a while back? @acheronspride described it as cold, and that's exactly the vibe I'm going for.

So they sit around a tree and hold each other as the venom runs its course. It takes a long time (several hours) and during that time he gets increasingly dizzy/disoriented/sick/etc. (I wanted to avoid the "dying quickly but still has enough time to say important things" and "important things are said right before dying" tropes).

That's relevant because he does have something important to say. Remember the goddess-blood essence? If he dies as the last descendant of Hylia, her power and the legacy of every Princess Zelda will be lost forever. So he draws it out of himself, but he's not strong enough to hold onto it. The GBE splits into six pieces and scatters, and the piece of it that he DOES hold on to he bestows to Stella.

I think you can guess the reason for that! Sorry for cutting it off so soon, but I wanted to delay the next portion for later. Tell me what you think?

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

World War Z was published in 2006, but takes place in 2009 at the earliest.  Late in the book, astronaut Terry Knox states that the International Space Station took over 10 years to complete; it started construction in November 1998, and Chief of Staff Karl Rove Grover Carlson says that the Republican party barely eked back into power after a disastrous 2-termer who started a “brush fire war” in the Middle East (George W. Bush).  He mentions an election year, but he doesn’t specify if it was the new president’s first or second term, so it’s either set right after 2008 or 2012.  This was written before the Nintendo Wii was announced, but one chapter mentions that people brought their GameCubes with them as they fled their homes in search of safety in the frozen Canadian wilderness.  This same chapter also mentions that they didn’t know how to pick survival gear; a park ranger finds a SpongeBob SquarePants sleeping bag frozen in the mud because its owner didn’t know the difference between a child’s indoor sleeping bag for slumber parties and a real insulated survival bag for camping.

The new president is never named, he’s just told be be pro-big business and anti-regulation, pushing a placebo zombie vaccine through the FDA to jumpstart the economy.  When shit hits the fan, he is “sedated” and his vice president takes power; we’re never told what happened to the president, whether he was bitten or had a stroke, just that he was “sedated.”  His Vice President is directly implied to be Colin Powell; he’s former military with family in Jamaica and black.  He appoints Howard Dean to be his vice president to form a bipartisan coalition; he is never referred to by name, but it is clearly supposed to be Howard Dean.  He was a rising star in the Democratic party from Vermont whose wife is a doctor and whose career imploded after he had a passionate outburst.  In 2004, Howard Dean gave a speech where he started passinately screaming about how he was gonna start sweeping state primaries and ride a wave into the White House, punctuating his point by going “HHEEUEAHHGH!!”  This was political suicide in 2004, and he was laughed out of the race.  In the book, he is referred to only as “the Whacko” because of this.  It is implied that he was Powell’s second choice for VP, his first being Barack Obama; the Whacko says that the Democrats wanted somebody else, somebody of the same skin color as the president, but that the country wasn’t ready for that.  In 2004, Obama was a candidate for senate in Illinois, so popular and so well spoken that he gave a speech at the Democratic National Convention before he even won his seat; then and there, pundits already had him pegged as the first black president, they could see the writing on the walls.  The Whacko becomes president when Powell dies of stress, but he is consistently referred to only as the wartime Vice President, out of respect for his boss.

Also, the Attorney General is implied to be Rudy Giuliani; all that is said about him was that he was the mayor of New York and once tried to give himself emergency powers to stay in office after his term.  Giuliani did exactly that after 9/11.

Other real life figures mentioned in the book

Fidel Castro; a ton of Cuban Americans flee the continent and return to the island during the zombie war, and he jumpstarts the economy by putting them to work as cheap laborers and slowly integrating them back into Cuban society.  He rehabilitates his image by stepping down as dictator and democratizing the country, voting himself out of office before the “nortecubanos” could hang him for decades of war crimes.

Nelson Mendela, referred to by his birth name Rolihlahla, the father of modern South Africa, he personally invites Paul Redekker, a former apartheid era political analyst, to solve the zombie problem; in the 80s, Redekker created a plan for the white minority government in case the black majority ever rose up against them.  In real life, Mandela lowered the temperature when he was elected president, saying that revenge against the apartheid government would do more harm than good.  In the story, Mandela uses this as justification to reuse the apartheid era plan to handle the zombie outbreak instead.  Redekker is so overcome by his compassion and forgiveness that he has a mental episode and dissociates, believing himself to be a black South African.

Kim Jong-il, the dictator of North Korea, he withdraws all troops from the DMZ and shuts the entire country down.  After months of radio silence, it is revealed that the entire country’s population has vanished; all satellite imagery shows a desolate wasteland, no zombies, but no humans either. He presumably moved everyone into subterranean bunker systems where he not only control their lives as on the surface, but now their access to food, water, and air.  He presumably became the god emperor he always wanted to be; either that, or the entire tunnel complex has been overrun, turning every man woman and child in North Korea into zombies.  The South Korean government refuses to send a expedition into the North to figure out what happened, lest they open up one of the tunnels and unleash millions of zombies onto the surface.

Martin Scorsese, mentioned in passing only as “Marty,” a friend of world famous film director Roy Elliot, who himself is a thinly veiled pastiche of Steven Spielberg.  Interestingly enough, the audio book features Martin Scorsese doing the voice of the conartist who created the placebo vaccine

One chapter has a ton of vapid celebrities hole together in a fortified mansion on Long Island, and takes great care to show each of them getting torn apart not by zombies but by regular people who storm the facility because they were stupid enough to broadcast their location on reality television.  A redneck with a “Get’er Done” hat (Larry the Cable Guy) and some bald guy with diamond earrings (Howie Mandel) blow themselves up with a grenade.  Rival political commentators, an annoying guy who talks about feminization of western society and a leathery blonde (Bill Maher and Ann Coulter) have end-of-the-world viking sex as the facility burns to the ground.  A dumb starlet (Paris Hilton) is killed by one of her handlers and her little rat dog escapes on foot.  A radio shock jock (Howard Stern) actually survives the war and restarts his show.

Michael Stipe of REM joins the army to fight the zombies

Another war veteran mentions how his brother used to have a bunch of Mel Brooks’ old comedy skits on vinyl record, and how he and his squad acted out the “Boy meets Girl” puppet skit with some human skulls.  Mel Brooks is author and narrator Max Brooks’ father.

Queen Elizabeth II, refuses to evacuate England when the island is overrun by zombies.  She intends to remain in Buckingham Palace “for the duration,” mirroring the fact that her parents refused to evacuate to Canada during World War II.

Vladimir Putin declares himself Tsar of the Holy Russian Empire, an ultra-orthodox religious state that has armed priests execute political dissidents under the guise of mercy killing people who have been bitten by zombies.

Yang Liwei, the first “taikonaut” (Chinese astronaut) has a space station named after him

While the main conflict is about government responses to the zombie pandemic, we see glimpses of a greater war torn planet.

A major plot line involves a Chinese Civil War which sees the entire communist politburo nuked out of existence by a rebel sub commander, as well as an attempted “scorched space policy” where the government planned to blow up their space station with scuttling charges to cause a cascade of space debris to encircle the Earth and prevent any other countries from launching missions in the future (this is known as Kessler Syndrome in real life, and was featured as the inciting incident of the 2013 movie Gravity).  The People’s Republic becomes the United Federation.

Iran and Pakistan destroy each other in nuclear war; everyone thought it would be India and Pakistan, but they had very close diplomatic infrastructure in place to prevent such a catastrophe; Pakistan helped Iran build a nuclear arsenal, but as millions of refugees fled from India through Pakistan to the east, Iran had to blow up some Pakistani bridges to stem the flow of zombies, which led to a border war and eventually total nuclear retaliation.

Floridians flee to Cuba, Wisconsinites flee to Canada, the federal government flees to Hawaii.  Everything east of the Rockies is abandoned and ruled by warlords until the government sorts itself out and mounts an expedition to clear the continent of zombies by literally marching an unbroken line of soldiers stretching from Canada to Mexico across the wasteland to the Atlantic.

Israel withdraws from Gaza and the West Bank to become super isolationist, building a wall around the entire country to stop the zombies getting in (they were the first country to respond to the pandemic, and the most successful), but the religious right rebels against the secular left in a civil war that sees Jerusalem ceded to a unified Palestine.

It is an amazing, multifaceted story with so much going on that nobody recognizes.  It was written as a response to the end of the Cold War and the start of the War on Terror.  It’s about a geopolitical shift, a change in the status quo, a disaster from which the world never recovers; America before 9/11 was a very different place than American after 9/11.  Iraq and Afghanistan changed everything, and we’re still feeling their effects to this day; the story uses the zombie apocalypse as the next big international disaster the world must adapt to.  World War Z is World War III with zombies, and I think it would do a lot better if it were published today, now that we’ve had several decades to respond to the fall of the Soviet Union and the endless wars in the Middle East and a global pandemic.